#with feeling like I already failed a task (no but like rly had nothing to add to things and im bad at just talking if it’s not necessary)

[why-the-heck-not]

Anxious? Nervous? Feeling the impending doom? May I interest you in ”chugging so much coffee as fast as u can”!! With this lowprice solution, you too can think about all of ur flaws, mistakes and future stresses with quadruple the energy and efficiency !! It is almost free !! What are you waiting for ???? Pick up the phone and order ”chugging so much coffee as fast as u can” today for the low-price of one (1) anxiety attack at 1-800-MISTAKE !!! You will not regret it !!!!

[strayfics]

hiiiii i rly enjoyed ur haechan drabble 💚 can i request for one of mark lee but with playful pecks or kisses ? ty in advance !

[NCT] MARK - SURPRISE KISSES

☆ Mark x gn reader ☆ fluff ☆ 1k+ words ☆ Giving a kiss out of the blue and watching the other get flustered. Note: I'm really happy you liked it and thank you for requesting! It's a bit late but I hope you enjoy this one too!!

At the start of your relationship, you could hardly imagine that anything would be better than making your boyfriend laugh. You wouldn’t say that you’re the funniest person alive, so whenever a little joke or a small comment was rewarded with Mark’s giggle, you felt like the happiest person alive.

That was, until your relationship developed to the point where casual kisses became more and more regular.

Saying hello and goodbye, good morning and good night with a peck was as natural as breathing, and it left room for the two of you to just approach the other without any particular reason aside from wanting a kiss. So, on a particular movie night date, that’s exactly what you did.

The movie was past its halfway point already when your eyelids started to feel heavy as you rested your head on Mark’s shoulder. He was completely engrossed in the scenes, even though you had watched it at least three times together already – he must have seen it even more times. For a while, you settled on watching his face and his minute reactions instead of the tv, letting your thoughts wander.

They didn’t go too far, eyes fixed and lingering on your boyfriend's face, when an idea suddenly popped into your head and you acted without any hesitation. You leaned up a bit and pressed a quick peck on his cheek.

You were met with wide, rapidly blinking eyes on a confused, visibly reddening face. “Huh? What was that?” It was as if you just snapped him out of the movie’s world and for a moment, he was unable to register what just happened.

You grinned at his reaction, your grin turning into giggles as you pressed a similarly quick kiss to his lips as well. “Nothing, I just really wanted to kiss you.”

“O-oh, okay…?” Mark was still looking at you like he wasn’t sure why you did that, and he kept glancing back at you in case you had something more to say. However, you just laid your head back on his shoulder and turned to the screen, smiling to yourself.

On that day, you committed Mark’s flustered expression to memory and made a mental note to surprise him with kisses more often.

A few more times and you were addicted. You kissed his cheek when he was too focused on something and didn’t notice you coming into his study. You kissed his neck when you cuddled in bed when he didn’t expect it. You pecked his lips when he was rambling too much and going in circles. You took every opportunity to watch him freeze for a moment, then blush and stutter and giggle in embarrassment. You thought that he would get used to your random kisses after a while but somehow, it never failed to catch him off-guard.

Everything was perfect until one day, your boyfriend took revenge.

It wasn’t that he intended to do so, the situation just presented itself naturally. The universe or some higher power must have taken pity on his heart and decided to make things even.

This evening, you were sitting on the couch, working on your laptop while Mark scrolled on his phone beside you. It was a quiet and comfortable moment, just existing in each other’s presence until you finished what you had to do and you could start making dinner. You were completely focused on the task at hand, losing all sense of time and space as you sunk into your thoughts.

You’re not sure how long you were in this state, only that what pulled you out of it was a pair of soft lips pressed to your cheek. As if mirroring the first time Mark was on the receiving end, you just stared at him with a confused expression and felt your face grow warmer under his self-satisfied look.

“What? Only you can give me surprise kisses?” he grinned and poked your cheek for good measure.

“N-no, I just… didn’t expect it…” you stated the obvious, looking away from him to your laptop’s screen but unable to find anything to focus on anymore.

“Cute,” Mark laughed at your reaction and gave you another peck before reaching over to take your laptop out of your hands and put it on the coffee table. “I was thinking that you should take a break and eat something, by the way.”

“Um, okay…” you nodded but made no move to get up, so Mark poked your side. “Hey!”

“Come on, you can’t be so shocked. Do you have any idea how many times you kissed me out of the blue like that?” he laughed, attempting to poke you again but this time you could slap his finger away before it could reach you.

“Yeah but you never did that to me before,” you argued and made your own move to poke his side.

Mark laughed again and from the sparkling of his eyes, you could tell that it was game on. “Well, then maybe I should start doing it more often too.” He avoided your defenses, pretending to poke your side but leaning in to kiss your neck instead. “I admit it’s fun.”

Thus, things escalated into a full-blown tickle fight. There was no real winner or loser; the both of you continued to poke, tickle and kiss the other as much as you could. Boundless laughter filled the living room while you fell over on the couch and became a mess of intertwined limbs. The fight only ended when the two of you couldn’t catch your breath anymore and there was no other choice but to refill your lungs.

Mark was the first one to recover and give you another kiss despite his unceasing giggles. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him back for another kiss when he wanted to part from you, and you slid your fingers upwards to mess his hair up while he was distracted with your lips moving against his.

He looked mildly offended when he pulled away and looked down at you, but when he saw your fond smile, he couldn’t help but lean down again to press a kiss on the tip of your nose and mutter another “cute.”

“Cuter,” you argued, nuzzling your nose together with his.

You both needed a few moments of rest and cuddling after your tickle fight, neither of you quite wanting to separate just yet. Dinner would have to wait for a little while longer…

[honestlywtfisgoingon]

When You Weren’t Looking — pt. 4/?

PROFESSOR!OBI-WAN X READER

PART 3

an au where you and you literature professor realize you both have things to learn about love, and yourselves, outside of class. (as we all know, this can only be done through a big scoop of angst and a smutty cherry on top)

description: you think that maybe being open to the idea of you and obi-wan isn’t such a terrible idea after all…lmao

warnings: language, angst, minimal editing, obi doing anything but being perfect

a/n: i’m ngl i don’t rly like this chapter but it’s a good setup for when it gets rly good…like RLY good ;)

words: 2,388

It was your first meeting of the week with Professor Kenobi— Obi-Wan, as he now asked you to call him. Truthfully, you were a bit nervous but also excited. He had started to see you as another adult rather than his student and you hoped he would continue to do so. Maybe, someday, he might see you as something even more.

Those were thoughts you had been pushing away for weeks now, but after the bar, you let yourself explore those ideas a bit more, well, maybe more than a bit. That was what you had intended to do, but you didn’t realize that letting those thoughts trickle out would make way for all of them to flood past the dam you had built. There was ample material for your daydreams since the weekend: the way he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you or his small compliments, but the moment you replayed the most was when he ran back to you before leaving just to tell you how wonderful you were, followed by him placing a kiss to your knuckles. his actions had given you more confidence and a bit of…hope. Still, you doubted it would ever happen, but you would let yourself indulge, maybe even flirt a bit.

it couldn’t hurt, right?

But that’s the thing, it could hurt, and it did.

When he walked in through the door, he brought a tenseness with him, the very opposite of what you expected. You couldn’t quite place it, but you could feel it.

“Hello,” you greeted him normally, hoping that everything would ease if you just went on as usual.

“Hello,” he said with a tight smile. He was rigid as he made his way to his side of the desk, pulling out his chair in a short straight movement. Only once he sat down did he behave less mechanically, letting out a small breath and opening up his laptop. It was the sort of reaction you have when you’re playing hide and seek and you’re so close to being caught, but you make it through undetected, filled with quiet but very momentary relief. The cycle would repeat, and the anxiety of being exposed would take over again. At the current moment, your anxiety was running rampant.

did I make him uncomfortable at the bar? is he embarrassed? should I be embarrassed?

your brows were furrowed and your chin was propped up on your fist. The realization of how angry you must’ve looked made you relax your expression and try to focus on what you came here for, which was work, of course, nothing else, nothing with silky auburn hair and a British accent. Leaning back, your eyes passed over a certain someone that just so happened to have silky auburn hair and a British accent, who you noticed was mirroring how you looked just a moment ago. when he broke his trance he looked up at you who quickly and poorly tried to cover up the fact that you were already staring.

“I feel as though there’s something we must discuss,” he spoke in such a formal tone. His hands were clasped together on the table and there was a look in his eye you couldn’t quite describe.

“What about?” you responded a moment later as though you had to break your focus from whatever productive task you were pretending to do. If you played a little dumb, he might feel the need to make it clear what he was thinking.

“y/n, I just…oh please don’t let me address the elephant in the room alone,” he pleaded. He knew you better by now, and you weren’t dumb. You couldn’t decide how to feel about that. It meant your attempt at forcing him to explain more had failed, but it was also nice to know he didn’t believe you were an idiot. You also weren’t going to torture the man by pretending any further.

“Friday?” it was pretty clear by now that that’s what had been sucking the air out of the room.

“Yes,” he answered quickly, glad that he didn’t have to bring it up all alone. “It’s just that…well I’d like to apologize. My behavior was completely out of bounds,”

“Professor, please don’t apologize,” you opted to call him his formal title, thinking that perhaps he had only meant it when he was drunk. the sadness you felt over that was pushed aside by concern once you saw how just how strong his guilt was on his face. it made you want to run your hands over his features softly, just until his eyes and his forehead became peaceful again under your touch.

it was so predictable. you should’ve known you would get attached in a span of only days, and yet you let yourself go. sure it was only to the idea of him, but it didn’t make you feel better.

“At the bar,” he took a breath to compose himself before continuing, “I’m sorry. It was completely unacceptable of me, and embarrassing to think about if I’m being honest.

oh

“I never should have let myself go like that and I was very forward with things I didn’t mean,” he had hoped for a quick answer, each moment of this conversation feeling like an hour in his head.

He got his wish. “‘Didn’t mean?’”you let slip out. You didn’t feel hopeful, you felt foolish. The look in his eye that your couldn’t quite place earlier could be quite plainly identified: regret

“Well, I did mean it when I said you could call me Obi-Wan,”

ah yes, that makes me feel so much better.

There was silence.

“Please, will you grant me forgiveness? I sincerely apologize for my unprofessionalism,” he lowered his head. It really was sincere as the words almost seemed to hurt him to say.

You didn’t know how right you were. It hurt him to hurt you, to lie to your face as he knew very well that he had meant every word he said that night.

this is for the better, dear one

“of course professor,”

why am I being so passive-aggressive?

You weren’t mad about the bar, but at the things he was saying now. There wasn’t anything particularly wrong with his apology, in fact, you could see where he was coming from. Usually, you could control your reactions, never allowing anything to get to you, and yet, everything he did seemed to get to you in one way or another. He had such an effect on you, it didn’t matter if it was positively or negatively. This time though, it was quite clear to both of you that it was negative.

“I can’t help but feel as though I’m not actually forgiven,” he sighed.

I can forgive him, but that would only be for his sake. He’s not a total asshole after all, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t speak my mind.

“It’s just that, well, you had told me that you valued our time together, or something along those lines. I don’t know why, it’s silly of me I guess, but it meant something to me,” your voice had dropped, causing him to step forward in order to hear you, and the last thing you needed was to be closer to him.

“Darling I meant it,” your professor was almost begging you to believe him. He wore a look of genuine sadness that quickly retreated behind a blank one as he covered up his emotions, not unlike the way you had just done. “I do think our time was valuable. I have seen your growth firsthand, therefore I don’t think there is a need for you to finish your essay now. Not to worry, I will still be raising your grade and giving you the extra credit I promised in exchange for your help,” The way he said it, it was all so…definitive. How do you respond to that? Answer: you don’t, so you didn’t. Another round of silence fell over you two, this time far more uncomfortable for him as he fidgeted every so slightly.

“So what does that mean for my position?” you asked only out of mercy for his nails, which he had been picking at.

“Position?”

“Well, my help. After classes,”

“As I said, there is no need. You’ll be happy to have your time back I presume,” he tried to avoid making any of it sound harsher, but no matter what he tried, the words were still the same.

“Oh, um, yes. Thank you very much professor,” he just nodded at you. He didn’t speak, not wanting to chance to say something that could possibly make this even more painful. Another round of silence; but it was the last. It had effectively ended the conversation.

You stood there for a second even though you had nothing to say, finally processing the reality of what had happened, and you decided that it sucked. Unlike a few weeks ago, when you walked out of his office and down the hall, you weren’t smiling.

Padme and Anakin are staff too but they don’t get hung up on “professionalism shit”…or use it as an excuse. But hey, just because Obi—Professor Kenobi, decided to block me out doesn’t mean I have to do the same to them.

It was true, they weren’t him, plus you liked them, and honestly, there weren’t many people that you liked.

Muscle memory guided you down the path that you always took to and from his office, the other end being the parking structure. It was both the quickest and most scenic route, passing straight through the campus and the quad. Not having to focus on your steps meant you had more than enough space in your mind to sift through everything that concerned the stupid man with carrot hair and a silly accent.

The thing that interrupted your thoughts was the change in temperature and the fluttering of the lighting. You looked up to see the large tree providing you sudden shade and filtering the sunlight, leaves moving in the wind to create funny little spots on the concrete. You realized how tense you were and sat on a bench that happened to be right next to you, taking a deep breath. It didn’t do as much for your brain as it did for your body, all those thoughts rushing back. After a moment of having your head propped up the hand held up by an elbow on your knee, brows furrowed, looking very uncannily like a statue you once saw, “The Thinker”, you decided on a word to describe how you felt—

“Hey are you ok?” you heard above you. Looking up you squinted at someone, a ray of sun was behind him, offering only a view of his silhouette and bright light in your eye.

“What?” you answered in a rather short tone.

“I know I don’t know you, I’ve just seen you in my lit. class before, but I figured someone should ask,” the man shrugged. You thought you just couldn’t make out who it was because of the lighting, but he just confirmed that he really was a stranger, and that didn’t exactly make you react any better.

“Ask what?”

“Well, are you good? Sometimes nobody asks,” you couldn’t deny that there was something about him. He seemed to genuinely care.

“And a stranger’s the one to do it?” leaning back, you appraised him; tall, lean, athletic, but what stood out the most to you was how his hair was a dark brown except for the streak of gold that hung in his eye just now. It might’ve just been dye, but it looked nice on him. In fact, you were noticing that most things about him looked nice.

“We’re not strangers if we sit in the same room together for 7 hours a week,” he reasoned, which only caused you to lift a brow at him.

“you forgot about the 70 people in between us, you scoffed, but in a gentle and more joking manner than how you spoke a bit ago.

“Well if I knew your name they wouldn’t even be a factor,” smooth.

“Alright, it’s y/n. Are we going to be best friends now?” you said with playful sarcasm. He did act as though you and he were closer than you were.

“Ferus. Olin. And yes, but only out of pity,” your brows were still raised, but the corner of your lip began to quirk up. he was kind of…funny.

“for me or you?” you quipped.

He paused, pretending to ponder. “We could be partners instead. For Kenobi’s group project,”

“Oh shit,” you had forgotten about that project, too focused on the one who was going to be grading them.

“Hey, sorry, didn’t mean to stress you out there. You’re alright though, it’s still a few weeks away. Still, you know what he’s like,” Ferus waved his hand casually.

“‘what he’s like?” you repeated his words back to him, not knowing what he was implying, but you were prepared to defend him.

Professor Kenobi might be weird and confusing, but there’s no way you can say he’s not amazing…an amazing teacher of course. exactly what I meant.

“I just mean he has high expectations. but I haven’t found anyone else out of the 70 either,” you relaxed at his response about Obi-Wan.

“ok, yeah why not?” you agreed because, well, Ferus wasn’t wrong, and you were planning on earning an A+ from Professor Kenobi. You didn’t know if you wanted to show him you were unaffected and intelligent in your own right, or if you wanted his attention and approval.

Ferus pulled out his phone, leaving you to wonder why he suddenly decided to text someone in the middle of a conversation. You realized once he had extended it to you that he had been unlocking it and creating a contact for you. He had already put in your name but there was still a space for you to fill it with your number.

“For academic purposes only,” he winked. You couldn’t deny you were a bit taken aback.

“It better be,” you joked as you handed it back to him once you were done. All he did was smile at you.

You didn’t remember what word you were going to use to describe how you felt before because now you felt something else.

PART 5

[i-am-the-balancing-point]

Wip It UP

I was blessed by @sinfuels​ with a tag in this so here is what I’m currently working on:

(a sketch of our beloved @josephslittledeputy​‘s Dep Willa in an “A”U)

additionally I’m gonna post under the cut all of what I got of my Sharky fic so far. I have not been able to continue working on that, mostly because I don’t really know how to write the Sexy Time™ but I hope I can work through it in the future cuz it truly is what we deserve (and the actual reason I am writing that fic in the first place lmao).

also, not very much FC related tho: I am working on a piano cover of Lowell’s Bloodthirsty after @josephslittledeputy​ and I watched the movie of the same name together and we were both a little sad the full version of the song was not like the piano version presented in the movie. I just need to get a decent mic for recording but I cannot fudging decide on one bc I have no idea what I’d rly need

if you have recs for usb mics that are nice for recording singing, piano and stringed instruments for around (or even under!!!!) 100 Euros pls hit me up! like 70 bucks is even better

now to the Sharky fic:

Sporadic bursts of fiery clouds lit up the night. The air was hung with thick smoke smelling of burning plastic and the unmistakable stench of gasoline. The heat caressed not only the exposed skin on her face and hands but seeped through the layers of her clothes, despite standing quiet a few feet away from the pile of junk set ablaze in front of her. If it weren’t for it, she would have probably noticed that it was a particularly chilly night, despite it being August. Anger ate away at her insides like the flames were eating away at the scrap wood, old couch cushions, empty packaging and trashed lawn chairs she had previously assemble in front of the old school bus that sat in the middle of Moonflower Trailer Park. Rook grabbed another molotov and chucked it straight ahead, as if she could somehow attach all the frustration and hurt the past days had caused her to the liquid inside. Today had been particularly frustrating. She had been trying to find a way to free Marshal Burke from Faith’s capture, so far to no avail, which was already gnawing on her enough. Not even knowing _where_ to look for them she tried to keep herself busy by running missions for the resistance. It was mostly enough to make her feel like she was at least not a _complete_ waste of space but what had happened just hours before was making her doubt the value of everything they did to fight the cult once more. The hostages Tracey and Leon had taken her to to free from an outpost with, relied on them to get them out of the Peggies capture and to at least bring them to temporary safety. Not only had they failed them but the hostages and Leon had to pay for their ineptitude in completing this relatively simple task with their lives. Tracey and Rook barely made it out alive themselves, horrendously outnumbered by cult members and painfully underprepared for the additional backup the cultists had quickly called once fire was opened. If it weren’t for Tracey yanking her away from the young man Rook was desperately trying to somehow prevent from bleeding out right under her hands, she would have surely met the same fate as Leon. She barely even knew them but it was still painful to be so closely involved in the death of another human being and frustrating to feel so responsible for it (even though there was nothing she could have done to prevent it, really). They had tried to comfort them back at the Hope County Jail but Tracey was having none of it, quickly removing herself from the situation with few words and Rook went to deal with it in a similar fashion. It had been a while now that she sought out soltitude to process her feelings but mindless destruction paired with the heat seemed to be the only thing that could at least provide her with some distraction. She watched the bottle shatter on a log right at the center of the bonfire. The liquid spilling out causing the flames to rise up momentarily. “Yo, Deputy, if you carry on like that you’re gonna make me jizz my pants right here on the spot!” Rook spun around so fast she swore she should have pulled a muscle. How the hell did she not catch him coming closer? He wasn’t a particularly stealthy type. “Fuck! Sharky!” she exclaimed. “The hell you doing here?” A wide grin spanned across his face as he climbed up to her on top of the bus. “Couldn’t sleep. Decided to take my lady for a nightly spin instead.” He nodded to the Flamethrower in his hands. “Ya know, romance and all…” “Are you drunk?” Rookie chuckled softly. He spooked her with his sudden appearance and her insides still burned with the rage of the day but she _was_ happy to see him. “Not more than usual.” That idiot just wouldn’t stop smiling, would he? Rook playfully rolled her eyes, then turned to face the fire again. The next molotov went flying. “Not bad, Deputy.” Now Sharky started up his “Lady” and pointed it at the junk pile. “‘atta decent stack! Didn’t know ya were a fellow fire enthusiast yourself.” “Had a bad day”, rookie replied, facing him briefly to flash him a weak smile. It couldn’t be very convincing. “Is that right?” She sighed, grabbing yet another bottle, getting ready to throw. Too late she noticed that it was slippery from gasoline that had somehow spilled over the outer wall, sending it flying not into the burning pile but between it and her in front of the bus. The glass burst, fluid splattering away to all sides. Her throw had been so forceful that it sent part of its components back up to her with ease. Rook yelped as gasoline met her body. She expected fire to follow it and tear into her skin but nothing happened. Her eyes found Sharky’s. He stared at her. The grin was wiped from his face, replaced by a grimace that resembled a silent gasp. He had abruptly stopped firing his flamethrower. Rook remained frozen, afraid the smallest move would set her aflame somehow, still holding his gaze. Finally Sharky exclaimed “Shit, Rookie! I'll take care a this! Don’t make a move!”, practically launching the flamethrower away from him. He almost wiped her off her feet and somehow got her down from the bus. “Gotta get ya cleaned up before the only thing ya good for is s’mores. Trust me, shit’s dangerous!” He gently pushed her towards an ATV. Had he come up here with that? How did she not hear it? God, she was so stupid! Letting her guard down like that… She was literally playing with fire. Rook was hesitant but still let him. “We’ll get ya all cleaned up. Casa de Boshaw is right around el corner.” Sharky shuffled with his hoody now. She raised an eyebrow in confusion and promptly felt herself blushing faintly, when her gaze skimmed over the waistband of his boxers peeking out from his jeans. Thank God it was nighttime and the colour on her face probably didn’t show. He was strong, muscular (despite all the junk food Rook was sure he was living off). “Err- here”, he pulled the garment over her head. “for… protection. Until we can get ya into something less flammable, I mean, ya know.” She giggled as she pulled her arms up and through the sleeves, then mounted the quad bike behind him. “Hold on tight” he commanded, already accelerating. Having his exposed body so close in front of her made her hesitant to wrap her arms around him. Sharky was a goofy guy and always one to crack the most inappropriate jokes but she still did not want to overstep a line. Instead she grabbed onto the back of her seat as best as she could. They flew over every little bump in the road. He took turns so sharp Rook was now convinced she would not die going up in flames but rather after going airborne and breaking her neck in the subsequent crash. Thankfully his home was not far away and they arrived without either happening, despite some close calls. Rook followed Sharky inside where he gently pushed her towards the bathroom opposite of the front door. She was promptly greeted by the faint smell of more gasoline, gunpowder and old smoke. “Man, you wouldn’t have to do all that…”, she was suddenly embarrassed about the fuss she had caused. “It‘s not that bad, I just got a bit of that crap on me. I could have probably managed.” “Ya looked like a deer in the headlights over there, Deputy”, he snickered. “And the funny thing about gasoline is” he turned on the water in the shower “that it can go kaboom real quick, ya get me? My pawpaw lost half his nuts that way!” She rolled her eyes playfully once more. “Let the water run hot for a minute before ya get in. You’ll freeze ya tits off otherwise.” he called out out to her while leaving for a moment then entering back with a towel and some clothes he shoved into her arms. “I think ya got it from here.” Sharky left and closed the door behind him. With a sigh she set down what he had given her on the toilet lid and began to undress. He was as kind as he was chaotic, that was for sure and admittedly she was grateful for the distraction this whole thing provided, even though she was sure he was over-exaggerating the urgency of the situation. Then again she was also happy to finally have a proper shower and so much privacy. Something the communal washrooms in their resistance camp in jail simply did lack, despite their best efforts to at least hang up some bedsheets to serve as visual deviders. The water was already nice and warm when she entered the stream. All the grime of the days past came right off. Most of the gasoline had been caught by her clothes and the remains fortunately disappeared with some of scrubbing. She made a point to get out of the shower quickly after she was clean to not use up too much of her host’s water. The sweatpants Sharky had set out for her ironically had some small burn holes but the tank top – complete with testicle festival print, of course – he had given her was still comparatively new. Looking at herself in his outfit in the mirror elicited a huge dorky smile from her. Carefully Rook stepped out of the bathroom after cracking the window and into the kitchen where Sharky was moving some stuff around. “Go sit on the roof, I’ll be right there.” Skilfully she pulled herself up from the porch onto the metal panels. It appeared that sharky had expanded his living room up there. At least the many empty beer cans and liquor bottles told her so. She plopped herself down in the single lawn chair that stood on the roof. Her gaze wandered over the peaceful landscape in front of her. Before the cult the only thing you had to worry about out here were mountain lions. A few minutes after, a bowl appeared at the edge of the roof, followed by a blanket and finally Sharky himself, now back in a t-shirt. He pulled a cooler up next to her chair and sat down on it after handing her the bowl and a spoon. “Made ya a special Boshaw-Bowl of cereal to get ya back on track.” He winked. “Sharky, you can't just put clingfilm over a bowl so that you don't have to wash it after!" Rook could barely contain her laughter. "Why not? I ain’t washing dishes no more, it’s a real time saver”, he grinned. “Hey, it’s cold tonight, brought ya this.” Without even asking if she needed it he draped the blanked around her shoulders. A smirk danced across her face. “Thank you, Sharky” she said quietly, more to her cereal than to him. She could feel his eyes on her, his lips still painted with his signature grin. It was good to be assured there were still people in Hope County who cared for her despite every of her failures. They both sat there, looking at the stars that draped across the night sky. What time was it? She didn’t even know but she wished for that brief moment of piece to last a little longer before gunshots and battle cries would became her reality again. “Would it be alright if i held ya hand, Rookie?” Sharky asked after a while. If she had known any better she would have noticed his question to be mixed with a hint of shyness. This surprised her but she was not averse, threading her arm out from the blanket and under the chair’s armrest, lacing their fingers together. A content sigh escaped her lips. “Don’t ya go pulling stunts on me like that again” he jestly grumbled, squeezing her hand lightly. There were no words she could express her appreciation with. Touches without urgency or even violence were something she had almost forgotten. Just like silence that was not loaded with anticipation and electricity. “Sharky…” she pulled her fingers out from his and got up only to promptly settle down in his lap, wrapping the blanket around them both like a cape. Surprised he *something what’s the word again (slung?)* an arm around her waist to support her, his other hand resting on her legs. Rook pulled his face close and met his lips with hers, trying to put everything into the kiss she was not able to convey with words. By how he returned the kiss, the motions of his lips on hers, their tungues gebtly caressing and exploring one another, she was sure Sharky understood. Suddenly she could feel her heart pound so fast she was sure he could feel it thumping through her chest pressed to his. “Yo Deputy, I… er, I didn’t know ya had feelings for me like this.” He was facing her with the expression of a young labrador eyeing its favourite tennis ball. “Dreamed of this for a while now but, ya know, more like ya dream about some ladies on a poster in ya Dad’s garage. I-… Shit, ya look so pretty like his.” This charming idiot was too much for Rook. While grabbing his face, giggling, and pulling him in for another kiss she straddled him, completely forgetting he was only sitting on the cooler, tipping it right over which sent Sharky flying (?that the right word) backwards, Rook on top of him. “Woah there Shorty, careful! Ya gonna get my back all fucked over here.” They both laughed, the sound of it echoing over the landscape. “I know a better spot” He lifted her up, gently dropping himself from the roof, bringing them back into the house and sitting her on top of the kitchen counter. “Ohh Charlemagne” she cooed, grinning into yet another kiss. He peppered small pecks along the corner of her mouth, then trailed along her jaw and down her neck. Giggling, she wrapped her legs around him, while he sucked on the sensitive skin above her pulse, forming little love-marks as he went. Suddenly he stopped and looked at her with an expression she could only decipher when Rook felt a growing erection pressing against her thigh through his jeans. It was embarrassment that tainted his face as he meant to take a step back but was hindered by Rook’s crossed legs behind him. “I- er… sorry.” Rook marvelled at him with wide eyes. “What’s the matter?” “It’s just- you’re my buddy but you’re also so hot and smell nice and I just… I don’t wanna… I want you to want this.” he admitted bluntly. “I do!” she assured. “Sharky, I do. I am sure that I want this, right now. This is good!” His face lit up at her words like the molotovs had lit up the bonfire backs at the trailer park earlier. Rook squealed in excitement as he lifted her up once more, their lips locked, hands on her butt, carrying her down the hallway. Excitedly he threw her on the bed. It was bouncy and creaked a bit but withstood the impact. She bit her lip and smirked. The way he beamed with excitement was beyond adorable! „Aww, Shorty, ya lookin real sexy, in my clothes, ain’t gonna lie.“

[cavesalamander]

My brief thoughts on this season of anime!

Just a quick review of the ones I’d recommend and/or keep watching. I managed to find all of the below on Funimation or Crunchyroll or Youtube!

Horymia: (Yes) This is looking to be a very funny romcom slice of life style anime, and seems to be a fairly good one! Had me laughing a lot. The Main couple are a nerdy quiet boy who’s actually dumb as a sack of bricks using his disheveled appearance to hide his tattoos and piercings, and a popular pretty girl who’s actually a total homebody. Their friends seem to have a lot of potential to be fleshed out as the series progresses and I look forward to seeing how it goes!

So I’m a Spider, So What?: (Yes) Whooo another isekai (excited)! This time a girl and her entire class!? Get isekai’d in a massive explosion. The main character reincarnates as a trash monster in a dungeon and must fight her way up the food chain just to survive. Meanwhile her friends who have mostly reincarnated as Cool Humans or the occasional elf or baby dragon, have mostly found each other, and want to figure out what happened/why and if they’re all okay. It’s genuinely pretty funny, though leans a little too hard sometimes on the gamey aspects of this new world. I think it may get darker as it goes along too.

Mushoku Tensei: (No) Whooo another isekai (derogatory). 34 yo old man gets reincarnated and uses his worldly experience to Learn Magic Fast and creep on his mom and prepubescent tutor. If you can stomach that stuff, it actually has a fair amount of potential? It did set itself up to touch on some interesting stuff down the road, but I’m kind of Over the horny toddler/young boy trope and it kinda just seems like the protagonist is Just Awesome At Everything but not in a remotely charming way.

Cells at Work Code Black: (Yes) If you liked Cells at Work, this is that but dingier, and is able to tackle some darker themes - like what stress, smoking, drinking, and probably eventually STDs can do to your body.

Kemono Jihen: (Yes) I don’t wanna explain TOO much about the plot of this one because it looks to be a mystery series, and the first episode sets it up the characters very very well. A man from the city is called to a rural town where animals are being mysteriously killed and found rotting. He’s tasked with finding and killing the perpetrator, assumed to be a monster of some kind. It does the horror very well, and even in the first episode manages some twistyness.

The Hidden Dungeon Only I Can Enter: (No) Even for a blatant fan service anime this one is just......... stupid. It might have a scrap of joy to it if the protagonist were anything other than a boring sycophant. His harem just all seems to be random girls who’s singular personality traits are to be in love with him in various stereotypical ways, that he just uses to min max his Cool Stats. But like, it’s not even self aware enough to make that into an interesting premise.

Sk8: (Yes) It’s a racing anime that seems super stylish and fun and very well animated. The protagonists have some cool chemistry already, and it really leans into the Underground Illegal Racing part of the fun - all the various characters who battle in death defying races through this abandoned mine, all have seemingly ordinary day jobs. Definitely worth a shot if that sounds up your alley.

Suppose a Kid from the Last Dungeon Boonies moved to a starter town?: (Probably) Okay so the premise is just there in the title and is actually pretty fun. Think: a random NPC who is considered pretty weak where the monsters are lv 50 moving somewhere where the monsters are scary at lv 5, shenanigans ensue. The MC boy is hilariously oblivious to the fact that anyone with a shred of sense can see he’s insanely over leveled to the area, and just trying to be nice and polite to everyone ^u^. The tentative nature of my recommendation is that it is kind of leaning harder on the Girls are Obsessed With Him train than is ideal. How much it depends on that as opposed to utilizing the premise to its fullest extent will have an enormous bearing on how fun the show is to watch going forward.

Ex-Arm: (Absolutely not but yes) It’s a fucking train wreck.

Heavens Design Team: (Yes) God decided to outsource creating animals to a team of angels, and works as a client giving weird ass requests for the angels to fill. Hilarity ensues, and it is peak edutainment to boot. It’s so much fun learning weird shit about animals, or trying to guess the animal these seemingly random train of failed attempts leads to.

Dr. Ramune -Mysterious Disease Specialist-: (No) It has a promising premise and some good moments. The main characters are solving these weird “diseases” that people get by finding the actual emotional cause and using magic of some kind to monkey paw it into a resolution. This could be really fun and interesting, but something about the execution just... falls flat? Like maybe it picks up as the season goes on but for now it’s not rly worth it.

Vlad Love: (Yes) I was going through the list of anime this season and was like wtf is this and literally just now watched episode 1. It’s about a girl with a blood donation kink and her vampire girlfriend. Literally. It’s rly funny and over the top ridiculous but like, gay vampires.

Back Arrow: (No) It’s like... fine. It’s about these two warring kingdoms surrounded by a wall with a mountain range between. They worship the wall as god, and occasionally get gifts from beyond it, in the form of mech suits they use to fight each other in. One day a boy shows up from beyond the wall in one of those suits and no memories of anything and he wants to get back. Which... could be promising I guess? But something about the show just didn’t grab my attention.

Skate-Leading Stars: (No) It’s like Yuri on ice if it was less gay and less well written I guess...? The first episode set up the Drama competently enough, but I just... couldn’t give a shit.

Project Scard: (No) For some reason part of Tokyo has been turned into a post apocalyptic hellscape where people just murder each other. They also have super powered tattoos and use them to fight each other. Animation is very similar to Handshakers - which is an Aesthetic that may not appeal to some. The first episode didn’t rly do much for me but I could see it going somewhere if it tries.

Wave!!: (No) Might have been a tentative yes if I hadn’t gone on and watched the second episode. First ep went hard with the queerbaiting cause they want to be the new Free! but with surfing, but Ep 2 just forgot all about that entirely. Dialogue is mostly boring and there’s like 3 sets, which becomes painfully obvious very quickly by ep 2.

Idoly Pride: (No) Literally looks like they ripped off the waifus of a bunch of other more popular anime and made an idol anime with the most basic ass idol plot. Nothing exceptional here.

Gekidol: (undecided) It’s an idol anime... set after a mysterious apocalyptic event? It’s mostly so far seemed intriguing as hell but not my jam. Mysterious craters destroyed parts of Japan, and its rebuilding and the MCs wanna bring light to the world. Maybe aliens exist? Idk! I’m intrigued.

I*Chu: (No) Another idol anime but this time it’s cute boys! Idk maybe this is a decent idol anime but it rly didn’t grab me and idol stuff isn’t usually my jam. I couldn’t tell anything exceptionally unique about this one from just the first episode.

WIXOSS Diva: (No, but) I don’t normally watch spin-offs of series but I didn’t realize until halfway into this that it was one cause Crunchyroll didn’t attach it to the core line. It’s like... magical girl battle idols in VR! Which honestly if you’re a fan of that it might actually be worth checking out.(edited)

Idolls!: (No) Another idol anime! But this one uses mocap 3d models. Phoned in plot line delivered by a weird tiki statue that tells the girls what to do. Seems extraordinarily low budget, and more just a way to sell music. The whole episode happened in a single set and  was basically just... girls want to make it big as idols... oh no... gotta book a stage! Yay they got one! Now must get an audience! Like... ok

Hortensia Saga: (No but) Sword and sorcery fantasy setting that’s mostly sword, main character is a princess masquerading as a male knight alongside the son of her dead parents’s also dead bodyguard. The first episode is very lore heavy and felt kinda like the prologue to a video game. So it ended up feeling a little expository and trope laden, but it has potential. Seems a bit Game of Thronesy? Wasn’t like... bad or anything, so if it’s your thing you might enjoy it.

Otherside Picnic: (Yes) I think it’s gay first of all, two girls going exploring / treasure hunting / monster hunting in a bizarre mirror world to their own. Girls are cute, it’s very interesting premise and writing seems solid.

Wonder Egg Priority: (Yes) It deals with some HEAVY themes? But it’s... a bit of a psychological horror but in a way that feels very like it’s dealing with some of the real life issues. The main character girl comes across as neurodivergent, and it’s just... idk man the first episode was good and left me wanting more.

[muslimsonic]

ADHD: Executive Dysfunction

Alright, so I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff about how people struggle with understanding what ADHD is, how it operates, and how it differs from the experiences of the middle 50% [25%-75%] considered the average. And I didn’t research ADHD for 9 hours straight not to dump all of this here.

Note: I have ADHD, I’ve researched this, but I am not a medical professional blah blah blah ok now onto the fun interesting stuff!!!! 

I put this under a cut bc its,,,, longish.

What is executive functioning?

Executive functioning is what carries you from day to day tasks. It’s like the constantly active personal assistant in the back of your head. Let’s call them Effie. Effie constantly makes lists and breaks down tasks for you! I don’t mean large projects, I mean the simple stuff!

Like doing your laundry.

If you have ADHD, or anything with executive dysfunction as an issue, then you probably already know that the simple stuff hardly ever feels simple.

Doing your laundry requires many motions, most of which you omit in listing what you must do to complete this task.

Someone with executive functions in working order, probably

1. Take the laundry basket/bin/thing to the washing machine

2. Put the laundry in the washing machine

3. Put the detergent in the machine

4. Turn on the machine

5. When it is ready, put the clothes in the dryer

6. Collect the clothes when finished

7. Take them back to your room

8. Fold and put away

Tada! All done. There are quite a few steps omitted that you would consider givens. However, try and apply this precise list to someone with executive dysfunction, and you will most likely not have the same success, because of the number of places where steps conflict, being thrown out in favor of what is done immediately. Here’s a small idea of how many cracks are in this plan, even at step one:

1. Take the laundry basket/bin/thing to the washing machine

When?> I’ll do it after I finish what I’m doing > Oh no I just remembered something else > What did I forget to do? > Oh no now I have no clothes for work/school/whatever > MISSION FAILED

When?> Someone else is using the washing machine now, i’ll do it later > What did I forget to do? > Oh no now I have no clothes :( > MISSION FAILED

Why? > I have enough clothes right now, I’ll be fine > Oh no I ran out of clean socks + underwear > MISSION FAILED

What?> There’s no detergent so I can’t do this  > (at the grocery store) I think i have everything! > Oh no i forgot detergent > I have no clean clothes :( > MISSION FAILED

When?> I have too much free time so I’ll do it after I take care of this other thing that’s equally important > Oh no I forgot to do my laundry I don’t have anything to wear > MISSION FAILED

In what order? > There’s too much to do and they are all registered in my head as permanently equal priority so I have to do them all at the same time, but I can’t do them all at the same time, so I physically am unable to proceed until this loop/error is resolved.

What extra steps are involved?> Huh i know i have to take my laundry to the washing machine, but there’s also stuff in the washing machine area/on the way there that needs to be moved in order to do it, but I haven’t thought of that, instead seeing metaphorically an indistinct looming mass of extra equal priority work around taking my laundry to the washing machine > I don’t do it > MISSION FAILED

And that’s only a few of the cracks in step one.

See the problem?

Let’s take a closer look at how deep it goes. Do you know how much you rely on executive functioning in your day to day life? Yes? No? How did you get out of bed this morning? How did you open your eyes? Everything you do, even running away from something chasing you, is dependent on executive functioning. Memory. Recall. Starting anything, and I mean anything. Breaking down what needs to be done. You’re so used to it, you see a lot of the steps as givens not needed to be stated. When do you do this? What priority level is this? Every success you’ve had in your life, you would not have had without your executive functioning.

It’s the messenger, sending signals from the hub, recall this, you have to do this, this task is more important than this, this is what you’re going to do. It translates thought into action, idea into concept into reality. It’s the Director, streamlining things, going into crisis management when you make a major mistake or fail to do something, or have something due, or or or. Granted, executive functions aren’t the be all end all of human success, but they are to you as a foundation is to a building.

Scary to think what would happen if it just

stopped.

You could think all you want, of course. You need to do this. You want to do that. You scream and rail and fight against a prison of your own unresponsive limbs.

There’s nothing physically wrong with your limbs. They are in perfect working order. Or at least as working as they had been before. There’s no reason for you to feel like this. You feel like your brain is setting itself on fire in its attempts to send it messages to get a response any kind of fucking response. You feel hopeless. You gain no mental traction. You gain nothing but your own hatred and frustration and gain the same of others too.

Because they think you’re faking it. That you just don’t want to do it hard enough. That you just need to apply yourself.

The thing is, you’ve been trying. Your mind is a car in a swamp, uselessly running its wheels to no avail, sinking deeper and deeper into the muck. You are straining as hard as you possibly can. There’s no more gas in the tank. You have nothing left to give.

And you have nothing to show for it.

In this hell, you’ve accomplished nothing. You’ve succeeded at nothing. Nothing you do, nothing you say, and nothing you want can ever happen in this moment.

You almost feel like dying. But you can’t. You can’t, not because of will to live, not because of hope, and not because of love, but because you cannot get your limbs to remember what motion is, your brain to remember the past, and your heart to remember restraint. Frustration, anger, hatred, all of the ugliest emotions the soul has to offer spill over. You feel like you can never be happy again. That you’ve never felt happy before. That this awful feeling crawling into the crevices of your lungs and trachea and curling its way around your stomach and spleen is what you will feel like for the rest of your life.

And then you forget. You forget everything that got you to that point. the wave recedes. you feel nothing. you remember only blurs of what occurred at best. only to experience the same fucking thing again, and again, and again and its always as raw and drowning as the first time you felt it, you never grow used to it, and it will never stop, it will never cease, and no one believes you when you say you are trying. You are a soul inside a vessel that doesn’t want to be yours.

anyways! while this may seem like an extreme, the last few paragraphs are a pretty solid descriptor of how living with executive dysfunction feels like! this is also a solid reason why people with ADHD are more likely to have anxiety and depression! the same thing is characteristic of people with disorders that have executive dysfunction as a symptom!

so TL;DR: Executive Dysfunction is not the same as laziness; it is a fundamental difference in the brain structure and wiring or a deficiency in neurotransmitter production.

speaking of that, moving onto the physiological side of executive dysfunction! Yes! There’s actually a physiological side to ADHD! Pretty sure that’s a characteristic of all brain disorders illnesses and the like but people still say its fake! :D

ok i’m getting tired so heres the rundown:

lower catecholamine levels: catecholamine is a class of neurotransmitter that includes fun stuff like

Dopamine: the motivation sauce

Seratonin: Happy Happy Happy

Adrenaline: you put this in epipens. fight or flight

Noradrenaline: also fight or flight. includes attention as well. at higher levels, anxiety. Thanks, God.

Its bad. bc the body’s natural reward system (dopamine) isn’t at normal levels, the nice little feel good kick after you make your bed or brush your teeth?? nope!!!!!!! Thus there is little internal motivation to do anything. WOW!!! How did adhd get passed down in the gene pool???? is it recessive?? bc im rly at a loss. idk someone with a medical degree in brain science dm me abt it. I rly need to understand.

Also the frontal lobe, y’know the thing controlling judgment, morals, impulses, emotions, all of that fun stuff???? it’s usually behind in development, typically evening out mid to late twenties, but its still,,,,, not Great. Wow!!

White matter abnormalities are apparently a thing too?? White matter is the brains messaging system so when that’s messed up I’m pretty sure thats not a good thing.

anyways, i’m tired now, its been 2 hrs since i’ve started writing this and I have a metric ton of things that I needed to start but didn’t, so

TL;DR: ADHD (and by further extent, executive dysfunction)has a basis in science and has physiological stuff associated with it that (i think since MRIs aren’t being used to diagnose adhd) is just being studied recently, and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh google exists use it b4 getting into arguments abt the existence of disorders and such. plz. im begging you.