#with baby vael of course

[pepeshiagent]

Colored version of this post (because why not).

Thank you all CC creators. ♡

[persephoneggsy]

a refresh of Marian Regina Hawke's Act 3 look (because I don't like drawing the Champion's Armor lol); it's basically the same as depicted here, but i added a tailcoat to her pink overshirt, and added a chatelaine -- which is the buckle attached to her belt.

chatelaines were basically used as "inside out handbags" back in the day, where women would attach little accessories like mirrors, perfume, or fans, and carry them around. they had the most utility, as far as i've seen, as ways for tailors to have their tools within easy reach. and Marian, who is a tailor, would of course do the same.

her chatelaine has embroidery scissors, a sewing needle carrying case, and a beeswax ball cage (used for waxing thread, to make it stiffer and more durable). she also has a little pouch where she carries spools of thread, buttons, and other bits and bobs she finds around Kirkwall. the buckle of the chatelaine itself is of course a little nod to her (by this point in the game) lover, Sebastian Vael.

and I designed a staff for her! it combines elements of Cold-Blooded, Malcom's Honor, and Apostate's Courage, but I made it pink because Marian is a bitch who coordinates, baby. I also added a staff blade, because she WILL stab someone if given the opportunity.

other details are largely the same -- like the fact that she's wearing Meghan Vael's locket, which doubles as engagement jewelry from Sebastian (she, in turn, gave him a necklace that he wears under his armor :) )

[vael]

2021 Annual Review

33, you're on your way, every day's a new day. - 100 Years

Well, here’s how my thirty-third year on Earth went. 2020 annual review here.

What went well this year?

Violet. Our little girl was born January 5th and she is the biggest success of the year. She is everything I could have hoped for. She’s a very happy baby, ahead of her milestones, and I feel like my wife and I have done our part. If the average parent performs at 50% their capacity, I’m comfortable saying we ended her first year at 90%. I think that’s a good level of dedication for us, and often enough, I felt the (good) grind of wanting to do something for myself but sacrificing for her instead.

Our reward is who she is now. The recipe to our secret sauce: stay humble and educate yourself, dedicate your time, limit (and scrutinize) screen time, feed your children quality food, and buy Montessori-inspired toys. You have an obligation to yourself, your child, and the world, to give your very best.

Personal fitness. It was probably asking a lot to “be in the best shape of my life” with a new baby and how busy I’d be with my own work. But this is the best shape I’ve been in in years. My shirts fit a little tighter. I found a solution for pectoral exercises. I even started glute workouts for fun. I’ve started what I call Protein Days, where I just load up on protein and work out every muscle group I can. That seems to be working well for me and relieves some pressure on days where I just want to write code.

Of course, it’s mostly strength training. I don’t like to run when caffeinated, and our land is too uneven to run on comfortably. Cardio is important and I’ll have to figure out something in the future. I walk daily with Violet (and sometimes Abel), but it is only enough to maintain stamina; not build it.

Web development. I took some agency work that helped me branch out. I don’t love working in PHP, but I’m happy to get paid to learn Laravel and hey, GAM3′s built in PHP, so it doesn’t hurt to get incrementally better at it. I especially enjoyed pentesting our software with BURP.

In my own work, there weren’t too many technological advancements. I got better with Svelte and learned a bit from code-reviewing World Seed’s frontend.

Game development. It was hard to feel like I kicked ass given all that I wanted to achieve this year, but I went through every update I’d released and felt better about how far I’ve come.

I’m nearly finished with adding the crafting system to GAM3. It is, from start to finish, both the most complex, and best developed feature I have made in my career. I’ve coded battle systems that were simpler than this! But I absolutely loved making crafting recipes; to get to be a game designer, take balance seriously, make fun items. It’s what I make the tech for.

It will be a long road to finish the game I want to make. I’m doing the work of two Vaels but I know it is what must be done if I want to stand out in the industry; and if I want to live off my work some day. I try to remember that Alexis Kennedy was 38 when he started Failbetter.

I also finalized tinydark’s mission statement.

Made some new friends. Two, and a handful of acquaintances as I make my tiny waves in the gaming industry.

What didn’t go so well?

Lost a friend. He broke up with me. It was hard on me at first but I agree that things had started to feel forced between us. Still, he was my oldest internet friend, dating back to our Furcadia days. He moved to upstate SC because of us and I hoped our children would get to play together, but it was not to be.

Mismanaged our finances. I’m a web developer of over 10 years; I make good money, and got into the habit of thinking I was invincible and money would always be there. So we needed a new SUV; I dropped a hearty down payment. Cleared 0.75 acres of our property. Abel’s overnight camp: done. I had only a vague notion that I was probably spending too much, but when it came time to buy some patio furniture, I realized I didn’t even have enough in the bank to cover our mortgage. I had to take a loan from my boss just to cover it. I didn’t feel great about myself, and looking back at it, I understand how it happened, but I simply cannot believe I let it happen.

When the agency I contract for mentioned they had a large, “greenfield” project, I didn’t care what it was for: I expressed strong interest immediately. I had no choice, and as I type this (bearing in mind first year of baby, especially buying quality, is damn expensive) we are safe, but not out of the woods yet. 

Worked too hard. I might as well just copy-paste what I said last year, because nothing has changed and it won’t. See Goals.

Cognitive performance. I describe it as such: I maintain a large capacity to perform mental tasks. I can, for example, sit down and architect a complex feature. I can learn at the rate I need to. But my speech is atrocious, I need a coffee to feel alert, I’m the most forgetful I’ve ever been, and excluding sleep, I’ve managed to take care of myself. My working theory is I just have too much going on.

What did I learn?

How to manage our finances. We sat down like proper adults and made a budget. I hold off on purchases until the next month if we’re over budget. It’s wild. If you haven’t looked over your transactions in a while, you really should: we discovered we’d been paying for a Shudder account for over a year when we weren’t even using it.

You might want software to help. I recommend Budgetwise for its clean interface and low price. The software pays for itself once you’ve made a goal and stick to it.

How to raise a baby. It’s been such a great experience. There are things I wouldn’t repeat again (like alternating sleep schedules 😱), new things I’d like to try, and overall I’m feeling like we’ve sufficiently refined our processes for the next one.

Goals and Expectations: 2022

Have another kid. We’re trying again.

Release a game. Black Crown: Exhumed. The original game, written by Robert Sherman, went offline many years ago. Failbetter were kind enough to release a database dump to Rob, who then released it to the dead game’s public repository. I have his personal blessing to resurrect the game, so that’s what I’m going to do.

Start saving. We’re going to need to build another house. We found the perfect floor plan, but material costs are ludicrous and we are nowhere near ready for the 20% down payment.

Stay just as productive; for better or worse. I am permanently “switched on,” and workaholism is a fine affliction. I don’t want to stop doing things. I know that I need more recreation time, but then I remember how great it felt to finally be able to sit and make content for URPG. With a new baby, a release of a major game which could very well make headlines, a new house and the release of the fabled roleplaying game I’m making: I just can’t see myself slowing down. I’ll do what I can from time to time; I’d like to take late February off for the Guild Wars 2 expansion, get 4-6 hours of gaming in per day, and what did Eve have to say about it? “Yeah, good luck with that.“ She knows me well.

Stop cursing. Really have to dismantle the pagan ritual circle in the back yard. No, just kidding, I need to stop saying bad words because I have a toddler who’s more receptive than a CCP surveillance van.

Make an actual company. I honestly forgot about even doing this; I really need to register tinydark as a real entity. We stand to make money this year (hey, we made $80 in 2021... before server costs) so I should really do this Thing.

COVID will get better. I can only speak on the US here. My predictions have been right so far. I think omicron is a good trend toward the inevitable weak, contagious strain of coronavirus. I expect 2021′s holiday season (up to Jan 15th, 2022) to have been the biggest spike of the pandemic in the US. My family will still be sticking to outdoor activities in 2022.

And that’s a wrap. See you next year, probably with three kids. Vael

[xihaveaplanxx]

The Storm (Pt 2 of 2)

“Dutch, do you want to go to Mcdonalds with us?” Hosea asked his friend. He and Arthur were going to stop by and get a few burgers and fries and a McFlurry since it’s what Reverend Swanson wanted. He was going to come in later as he was busy at the church. Overly so. It was almost time for the annual Christmas play and he and Sebastian Vael were losing their minds trying to get the kids prepared and what not. Rehearsals were almost getting violent apparently. “Dutch?” Hosea poked at him and Dutch just looked at him before shaking his head no and taking his papers into his room, slamming the door. “It’s been a few months. It’s getting scary now. What? Is he just not going to talk anymore ever again?”

“He talks at work, I’m sure.”

“No he doesn’t. He writes everything down and hands it out to everyone. She really messed him up. Jenny’s friend really messed him up, badly.”

“I haven’t even seen Dreama in some time.”

“I think Jenny mentioned she was taken before the mage council.”

“She was taken before the council?”

“Yes. Apparently she did something to that Burger King manager and she is in trouble. It was only a matter of time. I always told Erandur since she was young, to instill values in her. Not give in to all she wanted. To actually tell her no and look at how she is. I mean I adore the girl, I do but she’s not all there. Clearly. I don’t wanna be the one to say it but Anders made it worse. She’s only acting out because she can’t have him, because she can’t have something she wants. A tantrum that could end in deaths if she’s not stopped.”

“You really think it’s so bad, Hosea?”

“Look at Dutch, Arthur. It really is that bad.”

At Erandur’s house/Teldryn’s pov

“Dreama, you can’t stay locked away forever.”

“Sure I can. I have no interest in leaving this room, not ever. You and Dad told Solas about what I did to Cullen as if he fucking matters. Now I have to report to fucking Solas at least once a week and he is measuring my magical reserves to make sure I’m not over using it.  I am so fucking angry. If you just let me fucking be with Anders this wouldn’t happen but no, you guys hate him and in favor of fucking Dutch. I heard you both saying you kind of like him. He’s a nobody! He’s worthless. I hate everything!”

“You know for 30, you are mighty dramatic. Quite the child.” I sighed. “I always told Erandur to be careful with how he raised you and I see his willingness to not accept sometimes you can get off the rails is affecting you even now.  You know Dutch really likes you or likes you. He doesn’t even talk anymore because you hurt him so bad but I know you don’t care. You are too immature to care and far too deep inside of your mind over Anders to care for who you hurt.”

“Fuck off.”

“Child.” I shook my head. “Being this way won’t get Anders out of jail. He’s being watched by strong mages now. They won’t let him out. It must hurt you to know he is going to be locked away forever but if you want to waste your life hanging up on him, you go right ahead and keep hurting people who wanna be there for you. Won’t be long before you push away John or Dorian or even Jenny. You at least should apologize to Dutch for hurting him.”

“He can fuck off.”

“Fine.” I gave up. Trying to reason with her. She was still a child. I didn’t want to blame Erandur but....this was all him. Even when he got Anders rearrested, he still was thinking how to coddle Dreama and tell her it was okay and it wasn’t her fault. Though she was the one who got him broken out of jail, she was the one who bribed Geralt to let him out. She was the one who lied with this man in the first place but no, Erandur coddled her even now. I feel we need to get him in check before coping with her but it just seems everything was too late.  I left from her room door and headed downstairs. Valdimar had finished cleaning up and was watching Maury...again. I never understood why he loved it so much but he was very interested in baby momma drama and trying to figure out why people would much rather broadcast the fact they don't know the father of their baby rather than addressing it privately.  “Valdimar, I see you finished the housework. Thank you. You know even if you are the house steward, we can help you with the cleaning. You are more like a friend living here if anything.”

“It is my job to keep the house protected and clean. I know I don’t have to do much , but I like to. I like to keep things in order so I can feel like I’m doing something other than getting fat and watching MAury.”

“You aren’t remotely fat. Watching Maury though.....”

“This lady tested 20 men and none were the father. How do you let it get that bad?”

“That..wow...”

“Oh looks like number 21 isn’t the father either” He said as we watched a guy break into a dance as this girl ran to the back practically screaming. “Maker. How do you allow that to happen? 21 men...that’s.....”

“You’d think you’d stop coming to the show after five men but allowing yourself to keep coming back...I’d figure it’s just attention.”

“I don’t know if this is the type of attention I’d want.”

“Not many would.” I patted his arm. “Dreama is being a brat.”

“Don’t let Erandur hear that.” Valdimar lowered the volume on the tv “But she is. She’s been nothing but mean even to me. I made her her favorite meal and she tossed the plate at me.”

“She’s an adult. There is no reason for us to stand by this behavior. I have an idea. Erandur won’t like it but it’s for her own good.”

“What is your idea?”

“Well she doesn’t pay for anything ever. She barely works. If she wants to do what she wants, she can do it not here.”

“You can’t toss her out. She is you guy's daughter....”

“I’m doing it because I care. Erandur doesn’t have the fucking balls to stand up to the monster he created so I will. He might hate me for it and he’ll talk shit about me for it but I’m doing it for her own good. He won’t see it at first, hell he might not ever see it but it’s just how it has to be.”

Two hours later

“Are you seriously throwing me out? I’m telling Dad.”

“You don’t do anything but be immature and it’s time you are on your own. You have your job. You’ll be fine. You have fanboys right, ask them to let you live with them.”

“I....you know, you were always my least favorite dad.”

“I wish that hurt me but after being married to Erandur, nothing you say can hurt me. I’m sure you’ll be fine. You want to do what you want, if you aren’t here you can do what you want. Hell go be with Anders if you want to. I don’t care. You won’t be doing it here so go do what you want.”

“Dad will be upset about this.”

“And I’ll deal with him when he comes in but you need to go. There are tons of apartments and I know you can afford one. Even better, I’ve been saving up money from the military, I’ll get you a place. I’ll pay the first month's rent. How’s that?”

“Really?”

“Yes. Maybe it’s harsh to just toss you out on your ass though you deserve it.”

“You know what, no. Keep your money. I’ll be fine on my own. I’ll pack up my shit and get the rest when I find a place. For what it’s worth, if you and dad fight again, I hope he leaves you for good. He deserved better.”

“You’d say that, you are mad.” I shook my head. “You can never hurt me, little girl.” I looked over at her. “Besides, I know you wet the bed til you were about 12. With that kind of information among other  things....nothing a child like you can say will truly ever hurt me.”

Outside Hosea’s house/Dutch’s pov

I didn’t expect to see her. It had been some time since we spoke, since I spoke in general and yet here she was. She had a suitcase and she looked angry. I was a betting man yes and I can bet she got tossed out by Teldryn. Erandur wouldn’t do such a thing but Teldryn he would and frankly I didn’t blame him. I could also bet that she wanted to stay here. Probably hoping the others weren’t here  in hopes I’d just say yes to her.  That’s unfortunate to assume.  She came up the stairs and knocked on the door. I guess I’d break that vow of silence but I knew nothing I said would be what she wanted to hear. I opened the door and she glared at me, already annoyed. I guess I took too long to answer the door. Oh poor thing. Poorly demanding possibly evil things. Hosea got on me for hanging around Micah , should have warned me of her as well. She’s worse than him in ways I can’t even word.

“Hi.”

“Dutch! I’m so glad to see you”

“Oh, are you?”

“Yes! Teldryn tossed me out and I need somewhere to stay and I want to stay here with you and Arthur and Hosea and Reverend Swanson.”

“Well John did move out to live with his boyfriend but....I’m sorry, you can’t stay here.”

“Why?”

“Why?  Did you really ask me why after what you did to me?”

“Oh come on, you can not think I’d actually like you. Please Dutch, I have morals.”

“Oh yes, morals that made you go after Anders. The same morals that say you flirt with Micah because you wanted his knife. He’s a weak, terrible man, course he gave you it but I saw you that day. I did. I never told anyone because I mean who would want to admit they were like that with him but you were. You are just....too old to be like this . I never wanted to say that to someone but you are. You are legit a child in an adult body. Throw fits when you can’t get what you want, manipulate people and for what?”

“You are an asshole, Dutch.”

“Oh you’d know all about being an asshole.�� 

“You are legit mad that I don’t like you. For no reason.”

“No, I'm mad that you used me and got what you wanted and discarded me. You knew I loved you but you didn’t care. You never care. You just want to climb on people and dump them off. It’s the fate of anyone but Anders but he’s locked up forever now isn’t he? How unfortunate for you.”

“I hate you, Dutch.”

“I think I might hate you more.” He looked at her. “How about you just don’t bother me anymore. I won’t bother you, you don’t need to bother me. How’s that? We’ll just go on like we've never met.”

“But where will I go? I need somewhere to stay”

“Why is that my issue? You don’t give a fuck about me....I am not required to care about you....not anymore.”

[the-bae-who-lived]

Hello! 🍊 for Vael and/or 14 for the relationship ask :) :) if you want to of course!

𝐅𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒   ♡   𝐒𝐘𝐌𝐁𝐎𝐋 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄

ALWAYS ACCEPTING <3

🍑  :    how meticulously does my muse look after their physical appearance?  do they spend a lot of time on their hair,  makeup,  grooming,  and clothing?  is there a particular reason why they do or don’t?  

eeee!!!! ok i’ve been wanting to write a bit more about vael’s habits and self maintenance because it’s been on my mind lately so this is great!

BODY HAIR:

let me preface by saying that upon my research of elves, dunmer specifically because vael is half, i’ve found that they have no body hair??? correct me if i’ve been misled by articles i’ve read! but vael doesn’t have to worry about body hair other than her brows, head hair and lashes. but i also feel the need to capitalize on the fact that hair growth and hair removal wouldn’t be a taboo thing in skyrim. people could shave with blades and whatnot but body hair removal wouldn’t be a thing in tamriel because like...they didn’t care since it’s natural and it’s literally just hair??? but removal of hair could also be a cultural choice as well. 

basically what i’m saying is that by her genetics, vael is virtually hairless on her body. but if she were to grow hair like crazy, she probably wouldn’t shave it off or care that it’s there. in fact, she’d embrace it and groom herself accordingly for hygienic purposes. 

HAIR:

as far as the hair on her head, it’s quite dense and thick and has a lot of texture to it. vael’s mother would trim her hair to keep it healthy. she also taught her how to braid her hair (just simple braids for keeping hair out of the face. which was difficult for vael to learn at first because coordination of the hands lol). but most of the time, especially as she gets older, she tends to wear her hair down, washes it every few days, and ties it back when doing more strenuous work. 

BODY/SCENTS:

vael keeps up on her personal hygiene. she’s not concerned with looks, but she cared about how she felt and if she smelled good so she would bathe regularly and because she grew up around potions and ingredients, she was taught how to make pretty smelling oils and waters for simple aromas and also to put on herself. 

PHYSIQUE: 

vael was never one for exercise per say but she did eat a lot of plant based things being that they were most accessible on solstiheim. also a lot of seafood because that was also quite accessible. she’s naturally on the lithe side given her elven genetics but it’s also quite easy for her to gain muscle from her nordic side. she mostly kept busy just moving and walking when she was younger. and now that she’s in skyrim, she will be building up her stamina and muscles with all of the dirty work she’s getting into. (i might make a more detailed headcanon about her body stats at some point!)

MAKEUP:

makeup was never something she played with given where she grew up and how she grew up. solstheim is there was never a reason to have makeup. if you give vael makeup, she wouldn’t know what the hell to do with it (and we’re gonna get into some makeup a little later on in the story(((((((((::::::::) but since her mother was fleeing from vvanderfell, she wasn’t making makeup a priority to bring with her.

ship headcanon meme

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do? 

KDSJBGHDFG!!!!

if kaidan has a cold: 

he’s not like most guys in that he would literally rather suffer in silence than admit he’s sick. because most guys are big babies LMAO. it’s not a masculinity thing but a perseverance thing. he was always taught to push forward no matter what and a little cold is no excuse. but now that he’s with vael, and she’s pretty observant (who wouldn’t be with kai he’s so fine), she calls him on his shit and forces him to take a break. she’s an attentive person naturally. she was very much cared for a loved by her mother and elynea growing up. not only that, but they taught her so much about making her own medicines and tending to a home and being resourceful. 

vael would first get kai to chill out and take a break whether it was at a camp they set up or at an inn. she would rather lose time than have kaidan get sicker and have to cope on the road. kaidan would be really stubborn about it but agree eventually because he knows it’s what’s best and that vael is equally, if not more, stubborn and would force his sick ass to lay the hell down whether he wants to or not. 

she would make sure he’s comfortable and warm, get him out of his armor and wrap him up in furs. and then she’d get to making some holistic remedies for a cold. she would also make him soup and remind him to eat even when he’s not hungry or can’t taste anything because he needs the energy and nourishment. he would probably feel a bit strange about letting her take care of him in that he’s not used to a female presence that’s nurturing, (his ex girls ain’t shit and obviously his poor mother is gone) but would eventually just let it happen because it feels nice to be cared for. he would definitely be worried about her catching the cold though and warn her to keep her distance but vael doesn’t really care. 

and when she makes it perfectly clear she doesn’t give a fuck about his snot nosed can’t breathe sick self, he accepts her cuddles. she’d make him a sleep tonic and then hold him through the night and stroke his hair and coddle her grown ass man.

if vael is sick:

vael has gotten sick a few times before but nothing ever too serious. a cold isn’t a big deal for her but it’s uncomfortable being that she doesn’t have a stable home and or elynea to care for her. with kaidan, she tries to conceal it a little because he warned her about getting to close and catching his cold. so when it happens, it’s a joking i told you so. but then he’s quick to return the favor of his care. kaidan’s approach to caring about others or for others is kind of nonexistent or even a tough love type of care. but not with vael. it’s so painfully obvious how soft he is for her and that she’s teaching him how to care for someone else in ways more than just pertaining to emotions. 

since he’s not as well versed in tonics/remedies/potions as she is (not in the way she uses them), he would have her tell him what ingredients he needs and walk him through the process of creation. and if we thought kai was protective always, he’s even more protective now. he doesn’t want to leave her side but will gladly give her space if she wants it. but he’ll sleep at her side to keep her warm. he’s like a furnace tbh. so he’ll lay with her at night when she’s in and out of sleep and just let her snuggle up to him. he tends to stay awake just in case she needs something and so that he’s aware of his surroundings to make sure both of them stay safe. 

kai is actually a GREAT cook.  despite not being able to really whip up potions or knowing more obscure ingredients, he knows how to make a good meal. he’s had to fend for himself a lot and so, he learned how to feed himself well. he came by quite a few cook books during his travels and may or may not have taken one or two of them. he’s not ashamed to admit that he’s spent some of his hard earned coin on spices. he doesn’t have them now being that his camp was raided and belongings stolen, but the man knows how to improvise with natural spices. and they definitely clear sinuses LMAO. 

kaidan will offer to read to vael because he knows it lifts her mood even if he’s sassy about it any other time. he wants to return all of the care she gave to him back tenfold not because he feels indebted to her like how they came to travel together after the prison, but because she deserves to be cared for in that very same fashion with the same energy. 

[exemplarum]

"Daddy? How are babies made? Can you and papa make a baby? I'd like a baby sibling..." Oh no.

Jarvan looked at Vael with a surprised expression frozen on his face. His face heated as the seconds ticked by, yet still he was unsure how to answer their question. 

“...N- no, Shieda and I cannot make a baby, b- but...” He could not promise them they would adopt another child - Kayn already had been quite displeased with him when he introduced Zoe into their family - and for good reason, of course! 

“...I will teach you how children are made when you are...” He could not say when they were old enough, could he...? He sighed. “Babies are made when two people of different biological sexes.... love each other very much.” 

Oh, where was Kayn...? 

@the-littlest-wanderer

[crazyfanoffandom]

Dragon Age Original Characters

Dragon Age Origins

Rovena Cousland - No Profile Link Available This Grey Warden’s kindness makes you wanna throw up. She’s unintentionally charming, witty and very flirty. Rovena Cousland gets straight to the point and doesn’t sugarcoat. Simultaneously, she lets people walk all over her and babies everyone. She is classified as a dual wielder rogue. Paired with: Alistair.

Dragon Age 2

Ailith Hawke - Incomplete Profile Available Ailith Hawke prefers to smash someone’s head to the curb opposed to diplomacy and talk. The young mage uses other people’s fear of death to get information and openly opposes all who speak out against her. Despite her aggressive nature, she protects Fenris with her life. She fears loosing Fenris as she has lost her father, sister, brother and mother. Ailith is classified as a mage. Paired with: Fenris.

Asiya Herrera - Incomplete Profile Available The young Antivan grew up in Kirkwall’s Lowtown hiding in the shadows after a scandal destroyed her family’s noble line. In current day, she seeks out jobs at night of murder and thieving to buy food for her sister, and keep them out of poverty. Likewise, Asiya is a dedicated Andrastian, and outside her nightly jobs, spends most of her time in the Chantry with her sister. In addition, she keeps her face partially covered to avoid detection from any possible individuals who wander to Kirkwall from Antiva. Asiya is a archer rogue (Follower OC). Paired with: Sebastian Vael.

Dragon Age: Inquisition

Arwen Lavellan - Incomplete Profile Available The elf grew up among the Dales in the Free Marches. Arwen Lavellan is very awkward and anxious individual. Often, the awkwardness enhances her coldness though often it’s a misconception. She values intellect and books, and burps out loud/farts in public shamelessly. Arwen is a sword and shield warrior. Paired with: Solas.

Imogen Trevelyan - Incomplete Profile Available Until recently Imogen Trevelyan was in the Ostwick circle and had no contact with her noble family due to her being a mage. After the circles fell, Imogen Trevelyan ended up in the Inquisition at Haven, pledging herself to serve for a greater purpose. Imogen’s time at the circle has blinded her with hatred. She judges and spouts propoganda centring around her hatred for Templars. Often, Imogen will treat Templars and ex-templars with hostility without cause. Of course, this is usually in glares and few words...right away. Imogen Trevelyan is a mage. Paired with: Cullen.

These are all the characters I’ve created for the Dragon Age franchise thus far. I’d like a chance to get away from my usual in the next game, but we’ll see. If you want to read more about the characters, please visit their profile linked in their name if it’s available. I also have a Dragon Age Masterlist with a list of all current stories in the Dragon Age franchise. Feel free to head to my ask box to ask a question about any of the OC’s in this post.

Dragon Age Masterlist

[rreader]

Pairing: Alistair Theirin x Reader ; Sebastian Vael x Sister!Reader Fandom: Dragon Age Warnings: /

Summary: After the Blight, Teagan and Eamon are desperate to find Alistair a wife, that would provide allies and forces for Fereldan, so they decide to invite some noble women, in hopes of Alistair finding his special someone. He had given up hope. And then you walked through the door.

A/N: well, here it is! and oh my god, this was so so so so much fun to write, you have no idea. I love my baby Alistair with all my heart and I really feel for him, when making him King, without a Warden Queen by his side, so I thought ‘LET’S GIVE HIM A NEW QUEEN!’ (anyways, added Alistair to my fandoms page) 

                                                              *****

“Your majesty.. they've arrived.”

Alistair sighed, his hands forming into a fist and his nails digging into his skin.

None of this was what he had wanted.

But then again, when has it ever been his choice as to what would happen to his life? That had never been his decision and it seemed like, it never would be.

As soon as he calmed down a little, he turned around and followed his sentinels out of his bedroom and into the throne room, where a bunch of young ladies were already waiting for him.

And one of them, if Teagan had his way, would become his wife. rather sooner than later.

Alistair really wasn't interested in marrying, but according to Teagan, an alliance was not only important, but necessary. Ferelden had been massively weakened by the Blight. Whole villages and even cities were destroyed, most of the army – Alistair's army – was dead. They needed new allies, new forces. And what better way to secure those, than with a marriage?

Apart from the fact that Alistair would need an heir. Whether or not he would be able to produce one, fell on deaf ears.

So the young king sat down on his throne and Teagan started introducing the women to him, one by one, accompanied by either their fathers, brothers or sometimes, even mothers.

He put on a kind smile for all of them, but that was just for show. He wasn't interested in any of these women and he already knew that he wouldn't marry for love, but for the benefit of Ferelden.

Once he thought they were through with it and he was already about to get up, Teagan placed a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down, then he turned his head to his brother Eamon.

“I counted 14. There should be 15. One is missing.”

Eamon nodded.

“(Y/N), princess of Starkhaven. There's been a bit of a.. delay.”

“What sort of delay?”

He was just about to answer, when the door opened and you walked in. Or more like, were shoved inside, your brother Sebastian pushing on your lower back, so you'd keep walking.

“Forgive me, my lords. Your majesty. We've been.. held up.”

You almost wanted to snort at that. Held up. He literally had to drag you here, that's why you were so late.

Sebastian was a good man. A good brother, most of the time. But somehow, he felt like it was his duty to find you a husband, so you'd not end up like Aunt Valeria. Despite the fact that you were only (Y/A) years old.

Teagan smiled and nodded, then he cleared his throat and announced you.

“Princess (Y/N) of Starkhaven, your majesty.”

“Guess you're as pleased as I am to be here?” he laughed, self-pity clear in his voice. All you could do was chuckle, especially when you saw the look on Teagan's face.

In the end, Eamon and Teagan thanked everyone for being here and wished them a lovely evening, but you were already walking towards the buffet, instead of walking towards the reason you were here today. Sebastian following you like a puppy.

“The king is that way, dear sister.”

“And the food is right here. Now think about what's more important to me,” you took some cheese, turned around and shoved it deliciously into your mouth. Sebastian rolled his eyes and was about to remind you why this was important, when the King himself, joined you at the buffet.

“Ah.. cheese. Best thing in the world,” he grinned and grabbed one of the pieces himself.

You looked over his shoulders, finding a mob of angry noble women standing a few feet behind Alistair and eyeing you angrily. When Alistair realized where you were looking, he glanced behind him as well, but quickly turned around again and gulped down the cheese.

“They're scaring me.”

You giggled.

“They should. I know some of these women and they would do anything for marrying the handsome King Alistair,” he detected a hint of disdain in your voice and cocked his head to the side.

“Why do I get the feeling that you aren't as pleased as they are?”

“Probably because you're right. I'm not in favor of this whole arranged marriage thing. Never have been. But I've been going to these ‘parties’ for the past years. Seems like my family wants to get rid of me as soon as possible,” Sebastian was now standing a few feet next to you, but was able to hear everything you said. Good. You glared at him, when you said that.

Alistair nodded knowingly.

Seems like he finally found a kindred spirit.

“I understand..”

You took a good long look at him. He seemed.. uncomfortable, in his own skin. Like he hated being here.

You bit your lip and carefully grabbed some more cheese bites to shove them into the pockets of your dress.

Alistair raised his eyebrows.

“Wh..- What are you doing?”

“Giving you a break,” you grinned and grabbed his hand, to pull him towards the exit of the throne room. Teagan blocked your way, before you could leave. “Alistair wanted to show me the gardens and I could go for a stroll, if that's alright with you, my lord?”

Teagan's features softened and he nodded, maybe a bit too enthusiastic, then he let you two leave.

As soon as you were away from all the nobles, you let go of his hands and smiled up at him.

“So, your majesty, how about we find a secluded spot and..-”

Alistair blushed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Oh.. I.. uhm.. I don't know.. I mean, I..-”

“..eat some cheese,” you giggled. Especially, when his blushed turned from faint pink, to bright red.

“Yes. Of course. Cheese. Right,” he cleared his throat and led you to a quiet spot with a stone bench, where you two could sit down, eat and talk, without angry women staring at you and planning, on which assassin they should send for you.

What you had planned to be a few minutes of peace for both of you, turned into hours of talking, laughing and eating cheese.

Your laughs fell silent, when he talked about his time as a Grey Warden and your hand softly found his, to give him some kind of solace and you were surprised, when you felt his thumb brush over your own fingers.

And unfortunately, that was precisely the moment that Teagan decided to interrupt.

He coughed slightly and you both pulled your hands back, like you had just touched a burning flame.

“Forgive me for interrupting, your majesty. But dinner is ready.”

Alistair nodded and got up, waiting for you to do the same, before you carried on, back into the castle.

Seating arrangements had already been made beforehand, so to both of your displeasure, you would not be eating together.

Of course, you had to sit next to your brother, with his confident grin, that you wanted to wipe from his face.

Not because it bothered you, but because you hated when he was right.

These hours you had spent with Alistair, made you realize that he wasn't like the others. He was kind and funny and.. and you could imagine marrying him. That was the worst part. You were so against this whole arranged marriage thing and now you couldn't help but hope, that he felt the same way. That he wanted to get to know you some more. That maybe, just maybe, you had finally found the one.

And when the dinner was over and all the ladies said their farewells to the King, he was kind and smiled at all of them. But once you stood in front of him, his smile faltered.

Because, surprisingly, he didn't want you to go.

For the first time, in what felt like years, he hadn't felt lonely.

You curtsied before him.

“It's been an honor, your majesty.”

Alistair gulped and tried his best to find the right words. Or any words. Any words would be good right about now, but all he could do, was stare at you, this sad glint in his eyes.

“May Andraste guide you,” you straightened your back and took another step towards him. You bit your lip, debating on whether or not to say something, but then: “Duncan would be very proud of you,” you whispered.

Then, you turned around and walked back to Sebastian, who was already waiting for you.

For Alistair, seeing you walk away felt like slow-motion for him. So many things were going through his head. All the smiles and laughs you had shared today, all the secrets that he hadn’t told anyone in ages. All the fears, that both of you had..

He knew, that sooner or later, he had to marry somebody and right now, his uncles were still giving him a chance to find someone that he actually liked.

And you?

He liked you very much and you might be his one chance of happiness in his life.

So as soon as the doors closed behind you, he turned around to Teagan and Eamon and asked:

“Say I want to propose to someone.. how would that work, exactly?”

[thedivinemissema]

On Birthdays

Birthday Prompt #7 -- Alistair and F!Cousland celebrating their son’s first birthday for @the-cats-pajamboree

There were so many strange and wonderful twists to his life, Alistair thought it was silly to enumerate them all. Saying "I never thought I'd fall in love, stop the Blight and be crowned King of Ferelden" was always tops on that list. And yet he woke up early on the day his son turned one, full of a wondrous energy that belied how damn tired he was. There were no early nights to bed for a King, no times when an emergency could be handled by someone else and leave him to uninterrupted sleep, and certainly not many mornings when he could lay about in bed.

"Alistair, he's not up yet, I promise you. Come back to bed," Cordelia's muzzy voice said when he got up and started to wash.

"But it's William's birthday," he protested when he re-emerged from the water basin. "I just want to play with him and give him his presents before I get stuck doing work."

"Will doesn't know it's his birthday, and he won't be pleased if you go to the nursery to wake him up to play. Let him wake up and be fed before you go down there. How about giving your wife a present instead?" she asked and suddenly all of Alistair was very awake.

He turned back to the bed where Cordelia was laying on one side, watching him. Fifteen years. It had been fifteen years since the end of the Blight and they'd married and she'd become his queen in truth and title. He almost couldn't believed it, but he'd lived every one of those fifteen years, only made bearable by her at his side. Her dark hair, so close to black but truly just dark brown, was longer than usual and tied back from her face in a loose braid that fell over one shoulder. One very naked shoulder that slipped from the linen nightdress she wore.

Alistair went back over to the bed and kissed his wife. She was warm with sleep but responsive, bringing him closer to her with a hand on the back of his neck. Their baby looked very like her, with dark brown skin closer to hers than his own and her dark hair. William Duncan Cousland Theirin had his father's eyes, and a nose that proclaimed him very much a Theirin. He remembered thinking once, long before Ostagar that the nose was the thing that he and Cailan had in common, and it must have been from their father. Countless portraits of Maric the Savior around the castle here in Denerim had proved that true.

Just as his thoughts threatened to be taken by more mundane things, Cordy pushed him back against the bed. He went without protest, knowing that she'd never hurt him. When he was flat on his back, she straddled his waist in a very pleasing way. Tendrils of hair framed her face as she sat above him.

"It's been a long time since I've seen you from this position, Alistair. Let's make the most of it this morning." He agreed, not with words but with a caress up her thigh that plunged beneath her nightshirt, his shirt, he realized, and up further until he saw her close her eyes to savor the sensation of his touch.

#

William was awake when Alistair did manage to get down there, after breakfast. Cordelia had ridden him back to a deep sleep that lasted less than an hour until he had to absolutely get up or throw his whole day off schedule. The Queen, that minx, hadn't gone back to bed and was busy holding Will when he came in the room.

The three of them spent a good deal of time together most days. He and Cordelia worked together, sharing a study to work out of and attending many of the same meetings. He held his son at a good number of them, or she did, or they rocked him in his little bed that stayed in their joint study. But for his naps and changing and feeding, the nursery took care of most of that. Alistair didn't shy away from the work -- it was just the opposite -- he liked the feeding and burping and changing. Those were the parts that he would tell his son about when he was older, that he was there for them, that he loved them even when they were smelly and unpleasant. No one had ever told him that. He wasn't even sure who changed him or helped him learn to walk. Some servant of Eamon's no doubt.

That morning William was just finishing his breakfast, Cordelia feeding him with a tiny spoon and an apron over her clothes. They were both giggling, mother and son, and Alistair relished the scene. As he came over William looked up at him and gave a gurgling smile. He put a hand on Cordelia's back to let her know he was there, and she turned to him with the same smile she'd been giving their baby.

"He's ready for a little daddy time, and for some singing. I've made time for both of us at lunch so we can celebrate with him, and Teagan's here so he'll join us."

"Teagan's here again?" Alistair asked, distracted as Cordelia finished the feeding. William turned away from the spoon and she set it down, wiping his face with a cloth.

"He arrived this morning. He's resting now." She picked William up out of his tiny chair and over the table where his food sat. A waiting attendant quickly whisked the table and extraneous food out of the way as Cordy handed him to Alistair.

"We should go to Highever House for the summer. It's been too long since we left Denerim," she said and looked away from him.

Highever House was the home he'd built her as a surprise, so they could spend the summers close to Fergus Cousland. Fergus, himself remarried with three children, didn't mind them staying at Castle Cousland, but Cordelia never felt comfortable there. He supposed he wouldn't either if his parents had been murdered there. The first time they'd tried to go back, she hadn't been able to go in, the memories had been too strong, extinguished flames licked at her heels and the faces of the dead loomed, haunting. They'd had to stay at an inn on short notice until one of the arls could host them. Ten years ago he'd built the house for her, so close the water he could hear it lapping against the shore in the their bedroom, but they had yet to take William there.

"I'm due to leave for Starkhaven in eight days," Alistair reminded her.

"Come home to Highever afterwards. We can be there waiting," she said, her tone pleading.

Alistair kissed her and then William, both of them giving him identical smiles afterward. "Of course," he said, trying not to think about how much work a sudden departure to the Highever House would cause.

#

Teagan had come early to Denerim for William's birthday, and to update Alistair and Cordelia of all the news from Redcliffe and beyond since his last visit. As far as guests went, Teagan was his favorite, because he was so easy to deal with from Alistair's perspective. His uncle was ready with advice and good at listening. Teagan was to accompany him to the Free Marches, but after meeting with Prince Vael of Starkhaven, Teagan would be going on to Ansburg to visit his mother's relatives.

At lunch Cordelia outfitted them all in party hats and they went to the nursery, where all of William's presents already were stacked. Teagan brought him set of hand-carved blocks with his letters and numbers of them, and another set with the traditional dwarven letters and numbers on it. He must have gotten them from Orzammar, or had a surface dwarf make them. Probably the latter, since they were wooden blocks.

Alistair had a rocking horse made for his son, one that matched Alistair's own horse. Cordelia got him a stuffed mabari with a bell inside, and somehow found a toy golem to give him. Their own gifts were modest compared to the ones that were sent from other nobles and monarchs trying to gain their favor. The Orlesians had sent a whole slew of gifts that neither he nor Cordelia had the time or inclination to look over yet. Maybe he'd have one of the nurses do it and then send the whole lot of them to Highever House for William to use over the summer. There were a few from prominent Fereldan families, and many more from Antiva than their lukewarm relations with the country warranted, but he suspected Zevran's influence there.

"Are you all right, Your Highness?" Teagan asked Cordelia. Alistair looked over to see his wife looking a little faint, but she simply smiled.

"It's a big day, Will's first birthday. I'm just a little overtired," she replied and shot Alistair a look that would have made him blush years ago. "And we've decided to go to Highever House for the summer, so I must get started on those preparations. Let's give William his cake now," she suggested.

He couldn't help but think it was more than just a little morning sex making her tired, though she was trying to hide it for William's birthday. Maybe Cordelia was right to want to leave for Highever House for the summer. She seemed to be wilting here in Denerim, despite her sunny smile and strong voice as she sang William into his first birthday party ever.

#

Six weeks later, Highever House

She was pregnant again, she'd known it on Will's birthday and now she was absolutely sure. After she got the Warden cure, they'd tried so hard for a baby and none had come for years. Now she was older and she seemed to have no problem getting the babies she'd so desperately prayed for when she was younger. She was absolutely terrified, if she were being honest. She wanted Morrigan or Wynne or someone who knew her, knew what this meant to her and Alistair and William, but Wynne was with Andraste now, and Morrigan beyond her reach.

Alistair had written to her only a couple times since he'd left, and then mostly just updates. She was supposed to working to keep Ferelden strong, but in truth, she'd been hiding. Keeping her feet up, playing with Will, drinking tea until the sunset and she could go back to bed. Maker, she was so tired, she felt like she needed fourteen hours of sleep each night.

The days and weeks since her flight from Denerim all wound together, and aside from answering some letters each day, she did little work. She waited for Alistair to get back to her and William, so she could tell him first. Fergus knew, she could tell that he knew when he called on her and she was sleeping in the middle of the day, but he asked her nothing whenever they saw each other.

"My darling, Will, you're going to be a big brother," she whispered, desperate to tell anyone. She was playing with Will out in the sunlight, letting him soak up the brilliant sunshine of the coast. They played in the garden, because the dirt was her son's favorite companion, even more than the promise of waves. She planted and tended, and Will played, discovering worms and enjoying the delicate taste of the soil.

While Denerim was technically a port city as well, it didn't feel the way Highever did, didn't have beaches. It just had a dock and a coastline, boats that moved ceaselessly in and out with commerce. There were no bathers, no one playing, barely anyone fishing. It was just water that served a purpose for transport, the same as if it had been landlocked and surrounded by roads.

"So who shall we tell next?" Cordelia asked her baby, watching him smile and gurgle as she held him. Will was filthy, but happy, and she appreciated that. She thought about Fergus, who already knew, but shook her head at herself. She'd need to tell someone soon, her belly had popped sooner this time, but the midwives said it often came on like that after the first pregnancy. If she didn't, her dressmaker would spread the gossip before she could have a chance to tell people on her own. "We have a secret, and it's no good to just keep it to ourselves."

"I do enjoy a good secret," Alistair said from somewhere behind her, and Cordelia nearly dropped the baby.

"You're home," she breathed, turning to face him. It felt like an age since he'd left for Starkhaven and then onto Kirkwall before coming back to Ferelden. Six weeks since Will's birthday, and she'd been in Highever for four of them. "Look Will, it's Daddy," she said louder as Alistair drew closer to them.

He looked tired, but he had perpetually since taking the crown. It was part of the reason why she'd married him, not just because she'd loved him with all of her broken self when they'd lived through Ostagar, but because she knew how exhausting and lonely leadership could be. He'd helped her defeat the Blight, she helped him lead Ferelden's recovery. They were good like that. She handed the dirty baby to him after a quick hug that nearly cracked her ribs, and watched as Alistair received happy kisses from their son. Will left dirt on Alistair's traveling clothes, but neither of them seemed to mind.

"Welcome daddy home, baby," she said to Will, and then took Alistair's hand and put it on her already rounding stomach. "Both of you."

It took a moment for him to understand, but when he did, first his eyes crinkled into a smile, and then she saw it bloom on his face. His handsome face, which she'd loved for so long, looked happier than she could have imagined it being when they'd first met. This time would be harder, she knew, but they'd waited so long for this part of their lives to come to fruition, especially after the Blight and the taint of Wardenhood, and her trauma in dealing with the deaths of her family. It had been so long coming, but she was all at once, happy again.

[gradiebby]

LIVE BLOGGING MY DRAGON AGE INQUISITION PLAY THROUGH (FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME) Doing The Threat Remains/Fuckery in the Hinterlands.

Hello Chantry.

Has Cassandra always walked with such swagger?

She concerned.

Don't bring up the egg.

You're not easy to come by lady.

You hold on to my sense of humor.

CULLEN.

JOSEPHINE AND HER ACCENT.

Her speaking elvish makes her sexier.

That voice. Melts. Me.

LELIANA BABY AGAIN

You've always been the spymaster babe, it's not a secret.

That's an impressive bunch of titles.

Ugh mages and templars argument. 🙄

Won't speak to us cause THEY SUCK but keep talking Josie baby.

Bitching about arguing while you're arguing Cullen makes you a hypocrite.

Herald of Andraste is quite the title, come over here Cullen and I'll show you how I feel about it.

Of course it isn't an option, Cass.

Ew. Please no Leliana, don't send me to the Hinterlands.

You're sending me to the Hinterlands.

You look for other opportunities, Cullen.

Ugh, I hate that I have to take the egg.

To the Hinterlands!!

SCOUT HARDING 😍❤️

Oh Varric, she's not Harding in Hightown.

Don't worry Harding, I'll find Horse Master Dennet 🐴 Just add another tick to my to do list.

Imma live in the Hinterlands.

Yes, yes it is interesting reading Varric that is why I clicked it. Also to accept the quest.

I still think Royal Elfroot should have a crown 👑

Fight the baddies.

Open the Crossroads.

Mother Giselle's accent is boss.

Ugh more Chantry talk. You'd think they'd go away after Anders blew them up 🤷🏼‍♀️

Convince them. You mean give them my neck to hang cause that's what the Chantry wants to do bro.

Go to Haven. Go to Leliana.

Bossy Cassandra says to find Corporal Vael.

But first claim this landmark: Saga of Tyrdda Bright Axe with a stab of my fancy ass flag.

This dude wants Ram Meat 🍖

This dude's son went MIA and now his wife can't breathe.

Spend 10 minutes hunting rams.

For all the hungry bellies.

Now I gotta find Vale. Maybe.

Found Him.

Lots of talk about cold and hungry people well I just gave your hunter dude ram meat.

Ask about the horse master, brownie points with Scout Harding.

This dude needs blankets.

Running around all random like.

Accidentally stumbled across the mage stronghold. Well that's taken care of.

Found the first blanket marker. Take my flag!

Not all dwarves like holes, hmm, Varric? 🤔

Rift count: 4.

Whoop enough power to leave.

Back to Haven!

Conversation with Cassandra as she literally destroys dummies 😍

Of course Imma flirt cause flirting is the way

A traitor or madwoman would've chopped my head off like Chancellor Dilehole wanted. Just saying.

I'm the Makers benefit.

WE END THEM 👏🏻👏🏻

She could slash me with her sword any damn day 🗡️

Cassandra Approval makes the world go round.

Do I even believe in the Maker? Hunny. I have pointy ears and facial tattoos.

Another Conversation!

Where am I from? To spin a story that Varric would approve of or be honest?

I went with honest cause I want her and her cheekbones to LIKE ME.

Gimme all that approval, Cassandra.

Uh oh fighting in front of the Chantry

Cullen to the rescue.

Use that angry Templar voice

Ewww Chancellor Dilehole 🙄

Begone Chantry Satan 👿

You are not the proper authority bro, I'll cut you.

As functional as any young family means EAT MY ENTIRE ASS.

The walls better be standing when I return Cullen or I'll never leave you in charge again.

JOSIE CUT SCENE

How does a town have an owner, hmm? Show me the town deed.

Now take that deed and shove it homie, we're staying.

Duel Cassandra and PERISH.

Josie's accent does things to me.

Might stay my ass, we're staying until this place burns down (spoilers 😂).

Lemme ask all the questions, lemme learn about you and your accent.

Tiny bow to the pretty lady and her accent.

Hitting up that creature table.

Your welcome Minaeve. ✅

TO VAL ROYEAUX

To see the Chantry people who want my head on a silver platter.

It's a terrible idea, Josie.

Yes please don't ignore the dangers, they want me dead. Listen to Leliana.

Haaa, Cullen agreed and Cassandra is going with me obviously.

City Mourning = Gasping at Me

Time to face the Chantry and Templars.

Silenced by your treachery, bitch, don't make me glowy hand you.

Why is it always the elf thing? So racist.

Templar punch 👊🏻

Beneath you in what way sir Templar?

Lord Seeker looks like a pasty ass demon.

You should be ashamed! You punched the Chantry chick, that's bad karma.

Came to make speeches means shuup bro.

You're not even a Templar. You're a Seeker.

March your pasty demon ass right into the garbage bin. 🗑️

Recruitment Timeeeee!

Belle first, take your shit and go to Haven.

Get that Cassandra Approval.

Mysterious Arrow = SERA who almost shot me in the foot. Work on your aim.

Scavenger hunt time to find the Sera clues.

I jumped off a balcony cause I forgot what level the last clue was on.

Gimme that invite to meet Viv.

Oh hello Grand Enchanter, what a surprise.

Fellow Mages my ass.

I only like you cause you created Alistar.

Back to Haven to return this quest.

Leliana always spying.

Abandoned their senses, more like banging a demon.

Make up your minds, buttheads.

Demon and Danger is the name of this game.

Leliana is worried about the Wardens, gimme the dets to go find Blackwall.

Mission Accomplished. 🎉

[vael]

For the next X weeks, I'll be a meme. Behold Punished Vael, a play on the Punished Snake meme. In a conversation with my wife, I joked I was being punished for my past habits and decisions in many ways, and should take on the persona of Punished Vael. Well I'm all about shame and penance, so I've decided I will do that in the name of efficiency and personal growth.

y tho

What prompted this memery was mismanagement of my finances. I'm no high roller, but I put money where it matters most: food, the children, technology. I've been trying to "buy it once" and with another child planned, it's easy to justify big expenses for their betterment. The trouble was that my family could maintain this lifestyle on my income, but not after the recurring costs of a new SUV and my daughter's health insurance, in addition to all the big expenses since her birth. I simply ignored mint.com and went on living.

It was my job to relay our financial status to my wife, who handles the bulk of the shopping, and I failed to give an accurate representation of what we could afford. I'm ashamed to admit this was the first time in my life that I'd accrued interest on a credit card.

As punishment, I'm taking on some web dev work to make up for it. This hits me where it hurts the most: my free time, most of which I spend making games. A weaker man would say that slowing down my hobby work is forgivable when I have a baby, my 9-5 job, and now this upcoming contract, but that isn't going to be happening. At least not if I can help it. I'll talk about that at the end of this post.

But Wait, There's More

A few weeks ago I tried to make progress on my goal of 2021 to be "in the best shape I have ever been in." After a few days, I hurt my lower back from it, and my thoracic spine hasn't been in good shape since I injured it in 2018. This is from two decades of bad computer chair posture. I've always given my back problems some consideration, but never had a point in my life where I prioritized their recovery or at least improvement. The result is my body punishing me with less freedom of movement. I likely will be unable to achieve my fitness goals this year due to my lifestyle of being chained to a PC.

It isn't just my back: I've been lazy with my dry eye condition too. It hasn't been as inconvenient, but it's still something I should get ahead of. I've made (and have been following for two weeks now) a spreadsheet which I've taped to my wall to physically check off that I've done what I need to do to recover.

Then? Cognitive performance. I've tried and failed -- and will not fail again -- at being less distracted by websites and apps. My sleep habits are reprehensible: I need to get used to waking up at 6:15 for my son's school bus, but I'm consistently clocking out anywhere from 11:30 to midnight. I barely run Forest anymore.

So my short-term memory's shot. My long-term memory is suffering. I made a scary mistake driving (thankfully, solo). To think that games or social media usage could cause real harm to myself and those around me, all because I can't regulate myself, fills me with enough self-loathing to actually feel masochistic for Punished Vael.

Finally, I do want to briefly touch on my relationships. I've lost one friend this year and will likely lose another soon, and while the former was inevitable, the latter's had me really considering that I might have to dial back my natural candor. I am an "open book" (see: this post, my annual reviews) because I believe you should have nothing to fear about being yourself. I take ownership of my actions, even if I am not proud of them.

Something I had not considered was that my openness would encourage the other party to be open too, but then regret having done so. And, well, I'm intense. I want the best for people and my (sometimes unsolicited) advice can put them off, or make them feel pressured to perform or "keep up." I don't think that response is indicative of a weak relationship; I should probably learn to take it easier on others because not everyone operates how I do.

How Do?

I'm setting a very ambitious goal of simply not wasting any time in my day. Ultra efficiency for as long as I can meme. Every time I want to reach for my phone, or Facebook, or linger too long on some bullshit, I'll try to remember what's most important right now.

If I do a good job of it, it will be unsustainable, of course. I'm setting aside two hours of "solid" recreation for myself each night, and one hour of "fluid" recreation throughout the day: talking to friends, checking on my games, swinging by a pokéstop on the way home, etc. That's 3/16 hours of each day for myself, and I'll be doing this every day, including weekends. I'll be a little more forgiving with any "family time fun" like watching a movie, but the focus will still be on production and efficiency.

The other 13 hours will be spent on work, family, and repairing my body. I'll be trying to run Forest as often as I can. I expect to be blasting Meaningwave to help keep myself motivated with the likes of Jordan Peterson and Jocko Willink. I don't know for how long I'll do this, but I can't imagine it ending before August. Certainly the contract I'm taking on will not.

So... time to get started. Thanks for reading.

Vael