#with a severe drinking problem
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She's fine, she's just fine, you're fine, we're ALL FINE
Kind of a redraw of this frame from the book! Just wanted to play with some glitch effects yk
#ok but#when you're an ancient paranormal being with severe mental problems#haunted by your past#and you also meet this human#who you kind of find interesting#fascinating even#and you have the most unstable and deranged and toxic relationship of all#and at some point you go and have a drink together#but on the other one you are already torturing them#and you also alter the person's memories and posses/control their body#but you're still kind of fond of them#but then you breakup#and after a half of the century you finally meet again#only to find out that this human you once knew and had a relationship with is actually kind of over you#so you try to get them join your side#but they refuse#and due to some circumstances you just disappear for a while#yet you still haunt them with some kind of indirect methods of yours#anyways I devilminioned my billford what do I do#fem bill cipher#human bill design#gravity falls bill#human bill cipher#gf bill cipher#bill cipher fanart#the book of bill#bill cipher#billford#gravity falls fanart#digital art
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Yk what’s really fucked up? I was more masculine before I realized I was trans. I’m short and I’m skinny and I’m gay and that makes me a fuckin twink according to everyone else. And yeah sure sometimes I love a cute skirt and makeup and yeah sure maybe I am but that also means I fucking had to bury the girl who did archery and wanted to be on American ninja warrior and was always called on for being strong. Boyfriends say it’s awkward when I’m curled around them with him as the little spoon. “It feels weird for you to be the big spoon” “woah this is weird let’s switch” you do realize just because I’m short and don’t work out anymore this doesn’t mean I’m just this little cute bottom who is the twinkiest of twinks. I just wish I were taller so that maybe for once in my fucking life I could be taken seriously
#I’m so fucking done with this#I’m actually incredibly fucking masculine#Even my own mother#I’ll say “yeah if i were born a cis guy I might have used he/they” and she buts in “and probably she sometime”#And I’m like “…yeah#sure”#No#not at all#I’m a bastard with a shot gun and a bow and arrow#i spent my childhood trying to get as muscular as possible#But no#i got fucking sick and now I’m tiny and now I’m just another twink#I often wonder how much would be different if I hadn’t gotten an ed at 12#Maybe id have grown#Maybe I wouldn’t have developed such severe anemia that I had to drop all sports#Maybe I’d be taken seriously#I’m just so done with this#I need someone to not laugh at me when I talk about that side of me#I’m from the fucking south#I grew up around a bunch of beer drinking bastards with guns and trucks#I’m not your fucking doll#And no one seems to see that#Idk#transgender#trans men#transmasc#transblr#trans problems
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anyone else seeing some distasteful kurt busch dwi takes or is it just me
#like don't get me wrong... it's bad. he had a LOT in his system and he shouldn't have been driving#but oh my god...#calling him disgusting?#when (if you take like 5 minutes to look) a lot of his fans seem to think he might have a drinking problem...?#I don't know anything about the guy honestly. he could be the worst person in nascar or a literal saint. it doesn't matter#I just think it's weird for people to hop on their soap boxes to publicly decry him worthless for this#like you don't have to like him to not be condescending to addicts??#holy shittt#it's truly awful#and it's coming from a LOT of ''left leaning'' accounts I follow too. sad.#like sure you want to help alcoholics/addicts but do you show compassion.#instead of ''this is disgusting I am repulsed by [man I don't know]'s actions''#how about you try ''wow this is disappointing but I really hope he seeks help for both the community and his sake''#otherwise your comments are just performative bullshit#addicts shouldn't have to read your garbage and shame themselves into healing.#cause yknow that doesn't always fucking work. sometimes it makes them want to harm themselves MORE.#because if they're already so terrible how can they live sober/clean?!#so maybe shut the fuck up.#anyway. you can socially condemn things without trying to humiliate addicts and potential addicts who are ultimately#victims of their condition.#sincerely. the son and grandson of several addicts.#P.S. THIS POST IS NOT SAYING ADDICTS ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS. NOWHERE DO I SAY THAT.#ok bye
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I know it's only 1 P.M where I live but I want to get drunk again. Yeah or nah?
#bucktommy#i have several days off and no i dont have a drinking problem lol#this would literally be my second time drinking this year#fandom is tiring and i hate it 90% of the time#rose.... drinks?
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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me
#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your#ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it#*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like#this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask#if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had#fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your#fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your#swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my#abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of#gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up#for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how#hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know#how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy#am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other#organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it#get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to#get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬
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Prior to V3C11: Heroes and Monsters, are there any signs that Blake was abused? How well do you think her abuse arc as a whole is handled?
#rwde#doing more research for the essay rn and trying to see any signs in early volumes blake#maybe one of yall see smth im not#im trying to do right on this so i might ask some of yall to look over the script#its gonna be a p big whopper tho. this thing keeps expanding into territories i hadnt thought it would#mostly bc a lot of rwbys problems are incredibly intertwined and exasperate one another#and its difficult to talk abt any one aspect without mentioning how it ripples out to the rest of the story world and characters#like. this was supposed to be only abt why people continue to talk abt adam despite him being a bad character and dead for several years#but you cant talk abt adam wo bringing up blake bc theyre two sides of the activist coin#which means you need to touch on the abuse plot#and you cant talk abt either wo bringing up the white fang. meaning you need to talk abt the racism in Remnant and how its portrayed#and that leads into the writers own views and personal politics and how theyve encouraged the worst of their fans to indulge in aggression#its a never ending rabbit hole#and i am but a little blonde girl drinking potions and eating cake as i explore this strange poorly constructed world
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Me: considers getting an item ➡ questions if i really need it ➡ ends up deciding i do need/want it ➡ searches for it in every single site and read reviews to find the best option ➡ keeps tabs open for MONTHS and checks them daily hoping it goes on sale or to wait until i get the money to buy it ➡ item goes on sale/i get the money to buy it ➡ hesitate about buying it ➡ convince myself i don't really need it ➡ item is no longer on sale/i don't have the money for it ➡ berate myself a little (only a little) for not purchasing the item on sale/when i had the money ➡ keep checking the tabs daily hoping it goes on sale ➡ item goes on sale again/i have the money for it ➡ says "fuck it" and buys it ➡ immediately regrets it and considers canceling the order ➡ convinces myself maybe i do need to give myself a treat ➡ receives item ➡ completely regrets the purchase and debates if i should return it ➡ return time frame has now passed so i can't return it ➡ never uses item, stores it somewhere and forget about it while silently regretting spending that money
Also me: ohh look at that, maybe i need one of those, let me search for them hoping i can find it on sal- oh wait, it is on sale! but do i really need it??? maybe i need to wait...
#why am i like this honestly#i've discussed it on therapy and the concensus was that apparently i worry to much about spending#not in a cheapy the cheapsake way but rather in an extreme frugal way#like for example i go 'ohh this tshirt looks nice'#but then i see the price (idk. lets say $5) and i go nooo. that's too expensive. plus i have several tshirts i don't really need it#so i leave the tab open. suddenly shit goes on sale. i buy it but then i regret it and want to return it#my therapist said the only thing i could do is wear/use the things i buy right away#so i can't return them#because she knows I'm frugal and that i'm not buying expensive shit in order to have a shopping problem#like she knows i won't impulsively buy idk. a huge tv or a gucc1 dress and then regret the purchase#i could literally buy a drink bc of the long way home and then berate myself for spending $2 on a water bottle#LIKE#make it make sense#rambless
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just finished book three! what the fuck
#i am so very worried for sophie and neil#also i guess ''miranda'' (if that is your real name) can use her aura? on Regular Earth?#and fucked adam UP dude#does erica know something we don't why didn't she drink the tea#i don't trust that waitress or brian.#i don't have any reason to distrust brian. but his vibes are off.#where did ''miranda'' and ''dash'' (was that his name?) come from. and why.#also the stash/onslow biscuit shenanigans#ur honour i love them#but ugh wdym the government is involved now#the builder? that's fine just throw his vessel out a window.#mysterious government agencies disappearing people? well now that's not good.#also the builder is trying to intercept his soul. and dawn is severely underestimating how many problems jason can cause#hwfwm#hwfwm book 3
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hi
#once again#after eight months#is anyone still here lmao#had a drinking then coke problem on and off for several months now im dumb as fuck but im BACK#{/content:mine}=text
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I think it's funny how people with little to no alcohol experience writing alcohol use/abuse without researching it first often fall into extremes of either like, characters drinking a full pint glass of whiskey and being just a LITTLE tipsy, or characters (alcoholics especially) being absolutely shitfaced blackout drunk off of like a single 750 ml bottle of white wine
#I mean even a lot of non-alcoholic adults can put away a full bottle of wine without puking.#Most alcoholics could go through two and still be conscious if not ready for more#I used to have a very very severe binge drinking problem and you would not believe what a seasoned alcohol abuser can put away#I was going to give an example of the most fucked up I ever got myself without literally dying because TO ME it's a funny story#but realized it's kind of deeply unpleasant and horrible
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Yesterday I found the source of my vocal issues post surgery: my left vocal cord is a weak bitch
#basically the breathing tube and such messed with my throat in a way my left vocal cord is weaker than it's suppose to#this is causing my nonstop hoarseness and making drinks and such accidentally go down the wrong pipe more often#I'll be starting speech therapy to strengthen it but if that doesnt work after several weeks I'll need to do another procedure to fix it#but hey at least my post surgery problems are fixable!
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for shanks:
Dress up my muse Accepting @herztakt
"I've been saying that for years. It's only a problem when you doctors try to make it one. However I need that written on the back of whatever I am wearing. That shirt covers to much...unless it's a size to small. Then that should be fine."
#answered ask#herztakt#piracy is no game - akagami no shanks#//thank you Law#//its an accurate one#//that drinking problem is so severe its a miracle he is still alive
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your fever is going up? 😳well then
false disposition is a song by ferry, the second song in the parties are for losers vocaloid series, released not long after the first one. it centres around sanya and her relationship with yura and sergei (sorta). it is a series of flashbacks. the next pafl song will also focus on sanya, i suspect
the first flashback is of sergei telling sanya that the world is a cruel place to people like her (shes albino), that he'll keep her safe. he has a very "it doesnt matter if youre not happy it matters that youre alive", although he also cares about her happiness still. he prefers she'd be alive tho. their parents are dead, so, hes had to take care of her for . around a decade? almost completely alone, with the help of nikita (loser) and kolya (we'll learn about him next song i think). she does care about sergei, but dear god she wishes he'd at least let her go to school (shes homeschooled)
now, homeschooled. she gets tutored by yura in math, who sergei is also preparing to become a stalker. she loves hanging out with him. hes her only friend - he doesnt rlly consider her a friend at this point, just a weird teen he tutors. that sucks at math. she likes hearing about how his days are going, and, they don't even rlly talk about math lol they just talk about random shit. one day, sanya asks yura to take her to a party, and! after a bit of surprise he does!
she does not like it there:( more specificaly, she sees yura flirting with a girl, and she goes outside, kicks up and punches trashcans all "ohhh this world is a cruel place to people like me, he told me so- i wont give him that, damage control wont help me now- i wish i felt nothing at all" bc like, i dunno, her and yura have a weird crush thing going on. but they also don't. weirdos. yura however comes to find her n goes Oh Man i hate this town. and starts beating up the very same trashcans with a baseball bat. n they bond then and there ... besties ... their fates, sealed as buddies ....
anyway, the song ends like it started- with sanya running after yura who is going to the zone for his stalker trip, and going "its not like im saying goodbye, but just in case, i wanna tell you i-" but yura interrupts her. tells her that he'll come back, not to worry. gives her his jacket. and thats it boyyy. check these images out
heres your saff boss
#what the fuck man. character relationships. sure#it’s so wild that they all have russian names#that should be illegal i think. that should be not allowed#russian names are for 19th century russian novels where everyone is weird and then kills themselves#for example katya was in. (englit thinking) uhmmm. there was a katya in. in#scratches my head#there . was a katya in one of chekhov’s short stories …. yess … ahaha ……#<- definitely remembers class bullshit#but yeah it just feels weird it doesnt feel right#russian names are only for 19th century sad russian novels . and my classmates#yura used to be my classmate He is not in a vocaloid. i dont believe you#i just dont believe you#sanya ? i can call him rightnow. Im not going to because we dont talk often and he’s probably like fucking or drinking or vaping rn#but like i know a sanya. i know several sanyas. i know several yuras even. This other yura has my discord and occassionally sends me#math/logic problems. because he has something wrong with him and he loves solving those and seeing how ppl solve those#but i cannottttt be fucked im sorry yura we havent been classmates for a good 3 or 4 years i will not answer your riddles three#cramswering
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there's this thing that I do since turning 19 where I'm like. hmm. perhaps I am experiencing x thing (it has been autism, alexithymia, alcoholism (triple a lol), low empathy, and insomnia). but probably not, or it's probably mild. just in case, let's take some of those internet diagnostic quizzes to help try and see.
Without Fail I Always Get The Answer: oh yes Definitely and Also It's Moderate to Severe, This Problem You Definitely Have
lmao???? am I really so unself-aware??
#tw alcoholism mention#ftr i only drink socially now and we took the alcohol out of the house (except for beer which i can't stand)#and my alexithymia means i don't even feel the cravings *unless they're really intense but we don't have to talk about that*#but yeah that's how i found out i was autistic#of course i always do a shitton of other research to confirm i don't just take the word of one test#but it's kind of funny. in a like concerning way#this time it was insomnia and i was like noooo this isn't a big deal like#sometimes i just can't fall asleep for minimum two-three hours sometimes more#and yeah i usually wake up throughout the night#but waking up in the morning isn't hard but i feel rested#the test: You Have Symptoms of Moderate to Severe Insomnia#like?????#actually i think i can blame my dad cause he never believed that i could have any problems#so i think that probably rubbed off on me#actually autistic#vent#tzipi talks
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ok i have like 4 response thingies im gonna try and get through tonight and some of them have been sitting there for a while so my bad y’all !! i am gonna try and get myself out of The Pit and back in the game
#i wanna make them like. Good#but that requires effort of which i am severely lacking#HOWEVER i have energy drinks#biggest problem is gonna be getting my brother to let me use the family computer
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i’ve lived in this apartment for well over a year now and i haven’t unpacked a single box, but i have been filling up every inch of floor space in my bedroom with a steadily creeping mass of recycling waste instead, if that gives you an idea how my mental health has been going. today i cleared out probably 45% of the recycling AND did my laundry, and if my whole body wasn’t in pain rn i would be throwing a fucking party
#all it took was a deadline and a large iced coffee#fucking hell i gotta get back on my meds#genuinely i’m very proud of myself#there literally hasn’t been a single scrap of floor space left for months except the tiny patch just in front of the door#the problem with chronic illness leading one to live primarily off of nutritional drinks bought in bulk#is that you end up with several times your weight in empty shake cartons and the cardboard boxes they came in#it’s just#so much recycling#but i get on a plane in a week and a half and by god i will have a real human room to come home to#if i have to kill myself to make it happen#personal
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