#with a fake belief she does not actually hold but would make the person immediately disinterested

[tehriz]

what is the niche belief specific to your field that renders a person instantly unfuckable

for me it is being an oxfordian

[glassvines]

Now that it's been a little over a week since the finale was released, I'm going to give some of my final thoughts on Murder Drones.

While I'm going to miss this series a lot, I really do think it's for the best that it ended here on a high note, as all the mysteries being setup throughout the series concluded in ep 7/Mass Destruction.

Absolute End was twenty minutes worth of satisfying wrap-ups.

Thoughts/comments in order:

⋅ Nori and Uzi briefly interacting at the beginning of the episode was great. LOVE that there was a little semi-realism here: no sound can be heard in space. Nori and Uzi having to find ways to communicate was clever.

⋅ N finally getting to pilot a spaceship :').

⋅ The VERY CUTE convo between N and Uzi that they are, in fact, dating was perfection. While they're falling through the atmosphere. While on fire. This was so good you guys. They are such a great main couple. Have loved their slow burn throughout the show <3.

⋅ V IS BACK. Was already 100% positive Lizzy's "secret friend" was V, so this was not a surprise.

⋅ Now, while I was hoping for J to see the light in the final episode, I was happy with what we got instead. Confirmation that she knows what has happened to Tessa, and that she has ultimately taken the cowards way out. She won't fight the inevitable.

Love the brief hint that she has TRIED to make things right with V in the past; warn her about Cyn's plans.

"If I promised you anything, it tricked me too."

:(

Also props to Shara Kirby here. J didn't play a huge role in the series, but the few lines she did get in the finale were great.

⋅ Legit my favorite part of the episode is that corny bit N and Uzi do while they're still falling towards Copper 9. Uzi blasting Cyn with the solver (null-solver? blackhole-solver?), THE WINK, Uzi and N: The Drone Killers, and the final sunglasses pose.

ABSOLUTE DORKS ILTHEM SO MUCH.

⋅ I also love that they are IMMEDIATLEY completely fucked up beyond belief by Cyn moments after this. That was devastating holy shit.

⋅ CYN IS SO SCARY IN THIS EP. Cannot believe how good the "call back ping" scene is.

⋅ N has never had problems with panic attacks throughout the series, so I can only assume this is due to him having access to his own memories now? Cyn could keep his personality intact by, as Uzi put it in ep2 "turning his memories to soup".

Which gives me the impression that he could potentially go comatose without Uzi there to hold his hand.

JFC.

⋅ V's heartfelt confession that everything she did was to keep N safe was a fantastic scene too. I went into this episode assuming 99% of the cast would survive, but I was definitely panicking here.

Me: "Do something N. DO SOMETHING."

N: *does something and is immediately ko'd*

Me: "NO, NOT LIKE THAT!!!"

⋅ Khan was redeemed early on the series for me, given how much effort he immediately put into trying to be a bigger part of Uzi's life after the pilot episode.

That being said, it was nice that he managed to come through in a clutch and save N :).

⋅ "Weirdly hot robots" Uzi lmao. Further confirmation that this entire show really is YA/Twilight spoof.

⋅ "I think dumb things are figgin' cool and I. AM. FREE." Yeah no, I can understand why this is a very niche show. The humor is very. Um. Look, I love her so much, this was so funny to me. The final message of the series is literally "be your dopey, cringe self - get the guy" hahaha. Teenage-me would have made this series my entire personality. Or, I would have at the very least appreciated the message.

⋅ BOSS BATTLE!! It's insane how good this scene looks. This was an absolute joy to look at. Adored the addition of Nori's ipod nightcore mix as the main battle song.

⋅ Allanah Fitzgerald is a riot actually.

⋅ I was not fooled by the N fake-out death lol. Good setup to further prove the trio are absolutely in sync now though. Probably my favorite part of the fight scene.

⋅ The fight against Cyn ending in a very grounded way was...interesting? Literally just Uzi making an appropriate strategic decision in a split second.

⋅ Tessa's ribcage oh my God.

⋅ Nori still being infatuated with Khan is so funny.

⋅ Uzi not coming out of this scot-free makes sense. The setup for that reveal was great.

V: "Oh, she's still a cringelord it's her UGH".

⋅ N twirling her around and squeezing her and crying into her shoulder omfg why are they so cuuteee.

⋅ Uzi coming full circle from the pilot scene presentation, complete with an updated "protag/heroes journey" slide:

"Forget about all of this insanity. Get tunnel visioned on spooky corpse robot reveal. Work backwards from there."

LMAO

⋅ Khan excitedly cheering about the fact that Uzi essentially decided she should have never gone outside. Blink and you won't notice that Nori is with him, but she iiisss.

⋅ Final classroom scene and end credits were fun:

- "THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND!" - N is learning to draw manga (from one of those awful Western "how to draw manga" books from the early 2000s) - V is very affectionate/proud about this - V and Lizzy are very close now - Doll's body is for some reason there too (??) - V is definitely drinking from a dead worker drone in this scene lmao - The group shots of Lizzy, V, Thad, Uzi and N together were cute - J is STILL ALIVE. Why is she obsessed with leaving via the ship...? - Gin Rummy game finally happened. Also Nori again. - "Pog in chat!!" Why. - Doll's funeral (or well - memorial presentation by Lizzy) at the prom. I love how pissed N and Uzi look lmao. - V playing chess against the sentinel

⋅ AAANND we get the final confirmation that Uzi is in fact, permanently stuck with Cyn/the Solver, as it can speak to her. I'm not buying the "everything's a hologram and everyone's actually dead" theory because the show is simply not that cynical. But I do love that this certainly leaves the audience with questions at the final moment.

Again, I'm gonna miss this show and these characters. Would love to see them explored more in the future *emoji eyes at Glitch*.

Cannot wait to see what Glitch has in store, in terms of new shows. I'm shocked at how high quality indie animation has gotten in the last half decade, and I'd like to see more of it.

[slowdripsunrise]

ok here we go again spoilers under the cut

starting off with a banger i read The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon. holy shit it was awesome. audiobook 10/10 narrator did a phenomenal job. there were some characters that confused me, where there were a couple names for the same person and i thought they were different people, and the opposite maybe im still not quite sure.... mainly with the queen of yscalin i believe? again not 100% sure but it didn't take away from the story at all. i did really like most if not all of the characters, they were all well fleshed out in my opinion. super interested in the prequel, my favorite thing ever ever ever in stories is like. well theres the story but what happened before years ago or even centuries ago is still there. she's haunting the narrative. she's present in every timeline there was no other ending to this story etc. etc. loved it excited to get my hands on the other one and maybe also try some of shannons other books? i heard about another series but it looked a lil confusing to get into but either way i will read it. trust

after that i read Yellowface by R. F. Kuang ! not my favorite of hers bc i am more of a fantasy/sci fi/historical fiction girlie rather than lit fic but there were parts of this that did make me laugh ! its been a while but i do remember the part where the mc talks about liking eminem or something in the beginning and thinking ok yeah she's got the character down good. like yeah. anyways i do see how it's a bit on the nose and some of it seems a little out there and cartoonishly evil. and i can definitely see how a lot of the characters mirror real life people, mainly athena/rebecca. and how a lot of the criticisms towards athena are criticisms r.f. kuang has gotten/gets in the past and does she kinda just write them off as haterisms. yeah. like thats a little funny sure queen. and while yes i dooooo think that its a bit over the top some times..... having seen all of the asian phishing and race faking and pretending to be someone ur not on twitter to get published irl these past few MOnths. like in 2024 ONLY. i do think Sometimes the obviousness is necessary !. like some of you bitches did NAWT get the message. anyways the book was pretty good not my personal favorite as its just not the type of story i typically read but i will continue to read Kuang's work ! it was fun it was silly i got to laugh at a racist white woman.... and i do think it was nice how a tiny little bit of sympathy would come up for the mc in the book and then just immediately be squandered by the next stupid thing she did like it was funny. like damn okay you watched a sorta friend acquaintance die thats traumatic. oh well you stole her entire manuscript okay nevermind. oh something bad happened to you in the past that sucks for you /gen sorry. oh okay no ur using it to fuel ur racist ideas and beliefs and how nothing is actually ur fault okay man yeah i dont feel bad anymore. like it was just kinda funny how every little chance she got to do better she absolutely squashed it. astronomically. and okay last thing i think but i do like in the acknowledgements Kuang said that a lot of this book is a horror story about loneliness in an isolating industry. and thats not a direct quote but i think its the jist and yeah like. so many problems the mc had could have been solved by having real friends that cared about her and her writing and supported her when she needed it, so she didn't go and blame every other person (and minority) in her vicinity on her problems. and people to hold her accountable when she did wrong. all of the people around her were basically just yes men (when she was making them money) and so nobody checked her when she was being a fucking idiot and a racist. so like. yeah i do see how it's a horror story about loneliness, and i like that outlook on the story. it is also primarily a silly ass look into a racist white woman's brain. like okay i can see how you got to this conclusion, if everything else you have ever thought and known and been taught was wrong. like its yeah a little funny. okay i need to stop on this one i am just saying words at this point like it does need to stop. recommend as a quick read if you wanna see how a lot of racist people in the publishing industry operate. (side note that part was interesting reading about the publishing industry like taking away the racism from the mc it was interesting to see the other characters and how they operate) okay done.

NEXT i read Ghost Music by An Yu. interesting, the mushrooms were throwing me a bit and like. i do see how there is a connection between the mushrooms and the mother and her hometown and her son but its been a bit long since i read this so i do not know what the connection is yet. and what exactly this connection is trying to say. i think if i reread it i would understand more but i'm not much of a rereader and i don't think im interested enough in this book to try. dont get me wrong it was good !! i just wasn't in the correct headspace to really take it all in when i read it. the story was fun, i liked most of the characters. tbh it is very short so i feel like i didn't sit with it long enough. i also dont understand the talking mushroom. but like the vibes were there.

ALMOST THERE !!!!! i read ough okay A Tempest of Tea by Hafsah Faizal ! so. i liked it thats for sure. the characters were fun and cute i particularly liked the relationship between Jin and Flick...... they were cute. i do think as i've grown out of YA and into adult books, my standards for YA have gotten lower and lower lol. like i have high standards for my adult novels because thats what i primarily read now, but going into YA i'm looking for maybe a more specific type of vibe and less like. i don't need the highest quality ever bc i have high quality in adult books now. if you get what i mean? so like no i don't think this was Faizal's best work we hunt the flame you will always be that girl to me. BUT. i read this for the vibes and the tea and the heist and not much else. my expectations were low -that the other thing i think a lot of people came into this book with super high expectations- and i had a really good time ! i am definitely interested in the sequel- i think a lot actually maybe not a lot but some of the moments in the book were specifically written to idk maybe go viral ? like some of the dialogue and scenes i could just tell some editor or publisher really wanted to highlight it. did i see a lot of the plot twists coming. yeah. did that make it less interesting....... not really? Could it have been better. yes absolutely i think theres always room for improvement especially in YA when a lot of things are more cookie cutter. BUT. this was still fun. and i liked how the worlds are connected, arawiya is present ! although. okay. am i stupid because Laith was making references to shit i feel like i should remember but i don't.... like yes arawiya was freed by the king yes i know vaguely.... but yeah. idk. I WILL READ THE SECOND ONE !!!!!! love how this post is just me trying to remind myself to read more books lol.

NEXT i read The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow. fun book ! not much to say about it tbh i did like the vibes, don't remember the ending at all so overall i don't think this one like. really made me think or emote or whatever. i do think that the dual kinda. stories were cool i liked reading both, which is rare for me usually theres one that i like a lot more than the other. the world was cool. i had fun. i would recommend as a shorter little fantasy book....

Tread of Angels by Rebecca Roanhorse... meh. I kinda went into this knowing absolutely nothing I SEE THE VISION. god i see the vision so hard but i really think Roanhorse shines when she has a larger page number and more room to really flesh out her ideas. like because the vibe was there, it wasn't like. Present but i could get just a little taste of it and god it would have gone so hard as a fully fledged story i feel like. this one, tho, fell way flat. i did NAWT care about any of the characters at all. like the mc and her sister. were just both not great people and like neither were the rest of them and i think that was the point but like even when characters are bad you kinda wanna have to root for them at some point. and i just did not at all. Sad !. well theres other stories.

okay. last one. i finally did it after so many people raving about it and one of my friends basically forcing it on me. i read The Fifth Season by N. K. Jemison. and well like i get it. LIKE OKAYYYY I FUCKING GET IT THIS BOOK WAS AWESOME. apparently the author is on tumblr and does look for fanart so like if u see this hai :3. really really fucking good. it took me one or two tries to get into it, first with just the book, second with just the audiobook, and once i had time to sit down and read them together it was like. just flew by. i tried to pace myself but hooo boy. did i see it coming how all the characters were actually one character yes. because well i had heard how everything was connected before and well the dots came together pretty quickly. did not take away from the story at all though! if anything it made me want to read more to see when and how it all came together !! 1000000000% recommend to anyone who likes fantasy (look up trigger warnings!). the characters OUGH. the worldbuilding OUGH. that last line like OUGH. the little interludes like explaining some stuff about the world OUGH. like okay when it was talking about how yknow. how will people know whats missing when they've never had it before? like they have the stars the planets the sun and i was like well Moon? any Moons queen? and then forgot about it until the very end like OKAY YEAH THE MOON. having a moon well it does control tides and things like that. so it being missing could have a large affect on the seasons. and well yeah. also. dude the whole premise of like having to go on what u think is a stupid ass assignment with some guy you don't like but are contractually obligated to have sex with. well its fucked up first of all. but also just a little bit funny like. the mc will just be describing her day and then just "yeah and when we set up camp for the night me and this stupid ass man i hate had sex it was really bad and then we went to bed" its just a little funny like man. yeah. the polyamory was cute !!!!!!! those little moments of bliss and then it switches to a different pov and ur like god how did it go so wrong. damn. okay last thing because well this is getting long. but god there was a post i think i reblogged it but comparing two passages, one of Alabaster saying he would destroy the world for his little family, and the other from the very beginning of the story where he breaks the world and that just. is so. OUGH TO ME LIKE FAWWWWK this book is kindof making me insane and also to that point of the part in the beginning where Alabaster is breaking The Stillness well that part in the audiobook. god the narrator did such a good job that will stick in my mind forever i think. just they way they said it OUGH. fucked me up. anyways thats all if u read all this good job happy reading.

[zevranunderstander]

I don't really want to defend people like this, it's just that I know people who think like that, and I think it's really hard for others to understand, so I'll try to explain something:

There are people who are totally willing to believe that absolutely every horrific event in the world is fake and they do this with absolutely zero research and just believe in whatever some insane person somewhere pieces together as evidence

and I never really understood that until I realised why my mom does it, and it's actually kind of sad? like. she is so horrified by the idea that this thing could be real that she just denies it to compartmentalize and so she doesn't have to think about the implications of it being real. so if she sees something that would scare her, she just immediately assumes it's made up by the media to promote certain agendas or whatever. sometimes it's so wild you don't even know what the agenda the media is trying to "push" is supposed to be to be honest

like. and this of course makes her susceptible to all sorts of conspiracy theories, even ones that don't have anything to do with denying some bad reality. if a recent bombing somewhere was fake and the refugee crisis is fake, then maybe the moon landing is also fake, you know?

and if you really want to believe something you will always find a way to interpret it that way. I can't remember how often when I was growing up she thought she was fucking Sherlock Holmes, when she told me that a person is obviously just an actor because they don't seem upset enough or because a refugee was wearing an adidas shirt, so they're not actually poor and whatnot

and like. I don't think she understands that she is just scared of the reality of it actually being true, you know? and this worldview paired with conservatism immediately makes you believe all kinds of other shit. she genuinely thinks all of the natural disasters around the world are fake because The Media wants us to believe in climate change. she thinks that basically every terror attack anywhere ever was fake. thank god she's not a holocaust denier, but these are the kinds of people who also would be holocaust deniers and flat earthers (okay to be honest I don't understand flat earthers at all) and who think the wars around the world aren't as bad as everyone says, you know?

like when I told her that one of my best friends is worried for her family in Ukraine in an area that was bombed when the war started, this completely destroyed her worldview because she was trying so hard to pretend that that war also Wasn't Real, right?

and it's so hard to argue with people like this because they don't hold just one bad belief it's a complete worldview of bad beliefs that is stacked on top of each other, but even if you disprove them on one point they don't understand that all of their beliefs are connected, and so they just think that Okay Maybe In This One Instance I Was wrong and it's insanely infuriating

[miyanagi]

you're totally entitled to your opinions, but i... have seen the movie... i'm not sure if you're really talking about me here or just the people who are reblogging it and taking my word as gospel, so... if it's just about people in general, i'll agree. i really don't like how trusting people immediately were that i was telling the truth here. like, i was, but if i wasn't lots of people would spread it equally uncritically. it frustrates me a bit, as i'm a very firm believer in the idea that you should always fact check and come to your own conclusions rather than letting groupthink define your opinions. i respect you for sharing yours even though it's not what everyone else believes.

kindly, i'd like to ask that you not imply that one would have to be cruel to be critical of a film. that's very unkind, and i am personally very tired of being treated like a mean person solely because i don't enjoy the same things everyone else does. suppressing other people's negative feelings or opinions does not equate to positivity, and there always needs to be room for criticism. i am allowed to be upset, and telling me not to because i'm being mean is not going to fix the things making me upset.

lastly, i am not sure what to say about the vagina thing. because no, miss barbara did not look into the camera and say "i have a pussy now," but... she kind of did the closest thing possible, only because that would have been too blunt to be comedic. i truly understand if it is hard to swallow, but even if we were to step outside of personal belief, simple plot structure is an easy way to understand what they meant by the ending. her saying she didn't have a vagina was a setup, and the gynecologist scene was a punchline.

barbie not having a vagina was a sign of her not being a human woman, which is awful, but we cannot be obtuse and pretend that is not what they meant simply because it is offensive. if most everyone who sees the movie interprets the last line as meaning she has a vagina (like the friend i saw it with who thoroughly enjoyed the movie,) i don't think "i didn't assume that and it's malicious to think that" really holds up, because a joke as simple as that doesn't really necessitate extensive explanation. if it wasn't supposed to indicate or complement a major change in barbie's life, it wouldn't have been the final scene. it's communicating to us that with her wish, her biology has come from that of a "fake" woman's to a "real" one's in a way that is intended to be comedic as the film's final sendoff.

i do understand that it is upsetting, but even outside of that the movie was already transphobic. ken's whole arc was unnecessary bio/gender essentialism, and if trans people were referenced at all it was in the gender neutral bathroom joke at mattel hq. a joke about how corporate entities will perform inclusivity if it benefits them, but refuse to actually incorporate inclusive beliefs into their fundamental structures. fitting, at the very least.

no FUCKING WAY was the actual ending of the barbie movie her becoming a real woman coinciding with her getting a vagina are you joking. are you actually fucking kidding me. greta gerwig kill yourself

[cutemeat]

(this is dicktowel) you said send meta asks... what do you think about dennis and dee's subplot in "the gang broke dee"? is dennis really just jealous of her and mad that the gang left him out/that she hurt his ego, or does he genuinely hate seeing her be humiliated and has his own fucked up way of trying to protect her from failure? do you think in general he cares more about dee than she does about him, as she savors chances to humiliate him? and what exactly is it that "broke" dennis at the end of the ep? this whole ep is interesting to me

Oh same that episode is great and a really good episode to dig into. And I think the reason for Dennis breaking is definitely a mix of all those things!!!

Considering the way they grew up and that of the two of them Dennis clearly steers more on the side of caution and hyper vigilance than Dee, I think he was immediately wary that the rest of the gang and especially Frank was up to something. But I think he used that hunch as a way to discourage her from trying at all rather than out of purely genuine concern. Though I do think, whether he verbalized it or not, he was afraid of Dee possibly actually killing herself (lol abandonment issues). Dennis believes at a foundational level that it is safer to “fake it til you make it” and remain miserable In the process than to risk trying and failing for real. Plus we know he feels very connected to Dee so it makes sense that, in a way, he feels like he needs to save Dee because it feels like he’s also protecting himself from danger. I believe that when he told Dee “You will never succeed. Ever. Instead, you will fly too close to the sun, and you will choke and you will gag in a spectacular manner.” he was most definitely deflecting his own fears onto her for sure LOL

I think Dee is much more resilient than Dennis because she really isn’t “trying” to be anyone else. To her credit she has her own interests, motivations and passions. She still is inclined to chasing trends and doing things to “stick it” to someone rather than out of a genuine desire to do said things like Dennis, but Dennis seems like he never even wants to stop to think about what he really wants because it scares him. For Dee, discovering a new direction to take herself in thrills her. She can put on a much more mild-mannered or “positive/friendly” version of herself when she needs, but Dee never really seems to become a whole different person. Dennis on the other hand, does. Frankly I don’t think Dennis wants to know himself or confront what it is that he truly wants, because he believes that the things he wants are wrong. Dennis has that mentality of “if I can’t have this, then no one can” whereas Dee has the mentality that she WILL have what she wants she WILL find a way to get there at all costs. Dee wants to succeed, Dennis wants to survive. Dee is much more aligned with Frank’s mentality than Dennis is. So I think that determination is something Dennis tries to smother with all the degrading comments, so when Dee finds a way to turn that around and make something of herself, the alarm bells in Dennis’ head start blaring.

Of course the one thing that really holds Dee back is the gang and trying to meet their expectations or having them around at all is what really gets in the way of her succeeding. But the gang has instilled in her a belief that she couldn’t possibly do anything without them, so she’s prone to doubting herself which is enough to keep her in Paddy’s.

Other people have pointed this out before but the power dynamics of the group definitely show that the gang’s behavior has much more power over Dennis than he actually has control over them. He just wants everyone else to believe he has control. Dennis is about upkeep, he’s about appearances, he does not actually want the work or responsibility of “keeping people in line” he would rather be told what to do and seem like he knows what he’s doing better than everyone else so he should be listened to and respected. Dennis spends a lot of time procrastinating, he just assumes he can get everyone to stick around the whole time with enough shiny magic tricks, he hopes he’ll never get to the point where he actually has to follow through (see: Ass Kickers United). Dee, on the other hand would rather see things through to completion so she inherently challenges Dennis in a way that pushes him past his comfort zone or questions his own methodology and that feels threatening.

I think Dennis is definitely jealous of Dee too, he always has been!! I mean he outright steals her plans and ideas as his own all the time JKNKDFGK I’m sure Dennis would kill to have Dee’s actual problem solving abilities rather than just pretending he does. But Dennis figured out early on that if he just pretends to be as similar to Frank as Dee is, that will always win Frank’s favor over Dee actually and actively being the twin who is more like Frank. Dee sees the people around her being able to change as motivation, as a symbol of hope for herself. Dennis sees people changing and leaving as a threat to the already fragile ecosystem he keeps himself and everyone else in.

I think Dee cares about Dennis, but I also think she has more real contempt and resentment of him than he does of her. Dennis makes it seem like he hates Dee or that she’s useless to him, but that’s really just talk. If she wasn’t around she’d be one less personality to copy LOL I suspect Dennis never had much of a reason to hate Dee growing up, if anything he had more of an easy time because his mother approved of him whereas she didn’t of Dee. Honestly as kids I could see Dennis being a sort of blissfully ignorant kid, not realizing how easy he had it (in Dee’s mind) and therefore she resented him for that and Dennis could just never understand why she would ever get upset. And especially as they’ve gotten older those feelings have only festered, with Dee feelings more entitled and Dennis feeling more like a fraud. When Dee kicked Dennis down in this episode I think it was a genuine moment of freedom for her. I think if she’d had the chance she really would’ve left Philly and never came back or contacted any of them every again, Dennis knew this too and that’s why he was willing to say or do literally anything to get her to stay. Dennis wants to know that, deep down, everyone else needs him as much as he needs them… So finding out that isn’t the case is what truly “broke” him.

(And yea being totally out of the loop and unaware that everything happening around them WAS a scheme when he’s so used to being in on the joke probably didn’t help LOL)

That rejection proved in a very tangible way that it is totally impossible for him to completely control anyone or stop them from leaving him no matter what he says or does. Even just maintaining the illusion of control is clearly something that is important to Dennis so I think having that illusion tampered with in any way just makes him crumble. Especially considering Dee is the one person he’s known forever and through their very unstable upbringing so I think to Dennis, if he can’t make Dee stick around then he can’t make anyone stick around. For Dennis, being wanted is not enough to keep people around— he has to be needed. Dennis cares about the gang and needs them more than they need him, but it’s in his own best interest (out of self-preservation) that they never find that out, hence his abrupt return at the beginning of season 13 when they’re about to finally move on.

But I think Dennis was also probably relieved knowing the whole thing was a scheme! cuz that meant Dee was still going to be around after all.

[yourfavisirredeemable]

souyo angst - post-true ending

y’all the souyo tag has been more active than I’ve seen it in a long time (I think cause of the PC release) which makes me happier than I can measure. I’ve loved persona 4 ever since 8th grade and souyo really is my favorite ship of all time. in celebration, here’s a bunch of angst headcanons I’ve been holding onto for 5 years, specifically related to the izanami battle/true ending. (they’re actually not necessarily souyo-specific, but since I ship souyo they kinda have that overall vibe)

- do y’all really think yu narukami is just gonna come away from that battle with izanami/being trapped in a time loop illusion for an untold period of time and NOT bring any trauma with him? cause I don’t

- specifically, he can’t get rid of a horrible, nagging thought that follows him even after the IT celebrates their victory - what if this is all still part of izanami’s illusion? izanami could have just nested an illusion inside of an illusion, and that way, she can defeat him without him even knowing it

- which would mean, of course, that his friends are all still dead and he’s just living it up with a bunch of illusions. his friends sacrificed themselves for him, while he gets to live out his summer days in peace surrounded by a perfect simulation.

- that thought is terrifying to him, and it only grows over time. there’s the horror of nothing being real and his friends being dead, compounded with the guilt of having abandoned them and the helplessness of never being able to know the truth. he has the cold realization one night that he’ll never again know for certain that the world he’s living in is the real one.

- but he tries to keep it to himself and act like he normally does. after all, if he can’t ever know for sure, why worry about it? this world is probably the real one - his friends seem normal, time keeps flowing like it usually does, and even the velvet room seems the same as it was before

- as hard as he tries, his doubts and fears are really impacting his mental health, which eventually affects the way he acts. it’s subtle, but the others eventually notice it - yosuke does first, since he knows yu the best.

- he notices that whenever there’s a silence, yu will stare off into space with a strained and even slightly fearful expression. he’s worried, but he just tries to be there for his partner like normal, figuring he’ll talk to him if he needs someone to rely on

- rise notices the dark circles under his eyes and asks about them, to which yu nonchalantly responds that his part time work keeps him a little busy. chie notices that he doesn’t seem to have as much fun when they work out or watch movies, and yukiko notices the way he starts withdrawing from conversations until he’s standing at the edge of the group, even quieter than normal.

- teddie and kanji don’t notice anything on their own, but eventually those who have started to get worried bring it up with the rest of the group. naoto, of course, has noticed everything, but nothing in yu’s behavior has indicated it’s anything worse than blues about leaving inaba or stress from work

- yu, for his part, realizes that his friends probably know something’s up, but every day he feels less and less motivated to tell them what’s actually wrong. after all, what would he even say - I’m afraid all of you are illusions, and my real friends are already dead? 

- plus, there’s the fact that saying his fears out loud would somehow make them feel more real. so instead, he tries to ignore them, and only spirals more

- he starts feeling really scared when he finds himself having the occasional violent thought toward his own friends - if the real yosuke’s dead, why should this illusion get to live? how dare an illusion pretend to be his best friend?

(more specific headcanons/fic ideas under the cut)

- imo, the possibilities for this headcanon are endless. you can take your hurt/comfort as far as you want it to go (personally, I love projecting my mental illness onto fictional characters so full depression/anxiety is definitely on the table), and the timeframe means any fics could be set either before or after he leaves inaba

- personally, I think it could be interesting if he returns to the TV world, perhaps to look for answers or just to blow off some steam, and finds out his shadow’s gotten loose again. which would ofc mean that now he’s trapped in the TV world with no persona, a shadow that for sure wants to kill him, and a dungeon of his own forming around him

- (btw, I know the TV world changes after the fight with izanami, but I think since it still exists and the IT still has personas, they can still have shadows as well)

- this would be an interesting way for the IT to find out what’s really been happening. they would notice yu missing and eventually check the TV world, whereupon they would find an entire dungeon and see yu’s shadow for the first time.

- the dungeon, I think, would have a lot of different elements - recurring rooms from dojima’s house to represent the time loop he was trapped in, an origami version of inaba to represent how everything seems fake, etc.

- as for his shadow, since I love to go full angst, I think it would be absolutely vicious. it represents the nagging belief that everything’s fake, his hatred toward himself for “abandoning” his friends and living a happy lie, and his hatred toward the IT for being illusions meant to replace his dead friends

- as a result, it would try to kill yu almost immediately after manifesting and attack the IT on sight. this would be particularly devastating for yosuke - he only found out that saki hated him (x to doubt, I’m still not convinced she actually didn’t like him but that’s another post) through her shadow, so being immediately attacked by yu’s shadow would be heartbreaking

- yu’s shadow wouldn’t feel any need to explain itself to an illusion, so it would just silently and violently attack him with a look of pure hatred. which would be a confirmation of his worst fear, that yu secretly doesn’t think of him as a partner or an equal, and in fact doesn’t even think of him as a friend.

- but of course he would soldier on, determined to save yu even in light of his “true” feelings. the rest of the IT would also bring up the fact that they don’t know the full story yet, and there could be a reasonable explanation for why yu’s shadow is so violent

- since I love to make my favorite characters suffer, I also like to headcanon that eventually yu would let his shadow kill him. or at least almost kill him, since the IT busts down the door before it’s too late, but at that point he’s unconscious and in no shape to accept or reject his shadow

- (he didn’t accept it before even though he knew he should because he didn’t want to accept his violent urges toward himself and especially toward his friends)

- so basically the IT just has to grab yu and run. I was thinking this headcanon through and my brain was like ‘why not throw in some extra souyo angst,’ so a barely conscious yu might pull a reverse uno card on yosuke and sacrifice himself to protect him, unwilling to let his friend sacrifice himself again

- which would ofc make things even worse for yosuke. aside from the obvious, there’s the confusion arising from the fact that yu’s shadow tried to kill him, but yu himself was willing to sacrifice his life for him

- either way, I think yu would be barely alive by the time they make it out of the TV world. from there it’s just a matter of him recuperating enough to go back in and accept his shadow, which is complicated by the fact that essentially being split in half across two dimensions is definitely not healthy.

- there’s plenty of angst in the recovery process, but this post is already super long and I wanna get into some of my other thoughts

- just a quick aside, I think as a perhaps less angsty headcanon yu might just be extra averse to yosuke sacrificing himself after they win against izanami, especially in the animated version where I think only yosuke sacrifices himself instead of all of their friends

- so the next time yosuke tries to sacrifice himself for yu he’d get an earful, maybe even accompanied by a breakdown where yosuke realizes how badly he scared his partner during the fight with izanami

- anyway, I also have a fun night in the woods-type idea relating to this - after yu leaves inaba, nothing seems real to him to the point that it actively breaks down his mental health

- it’s only when he returns to inaba or is with someone from inaba that the world doesn’t just look like a grayscale mesh of unsubstantial shapes

- which could lead to something interesting if yosuke (or your yu narukami pairing of choice) comes to visit him at his college dorm and finds it an absolute mess or barely decorated at all with a depressed yu inside, or if yu drops out of college entirely to return to inaba, baffling his friends and family because he was at a really good college and had a great future ahead of him, or if he returns to inaba and is terrified to find that sometimes it’s in grayscale too, or-

- the point is I’ve thought a lot about this and I love both persona 4 and night in the woods so I think it’s fun

- there’s also plenty of potential for yu to just break down and tell his friends what’s wrong in the real world before he leaves inaba, which could make for a great hurt/comfort oneshot

- all in all, I think yu would have definitely been traumatized by living in a time loop for who knows how long and there’s a lot of potential there. (don’t ask me about what I think would happen if margaret hadn’t gotten him out of the time loop cause that’s an even longer even darker post. or maybe do ask me)

anyway, I know the souyo fandom probably still isn’t exactly popping off but I hope anyone who finds this post enjoys it!

[obsessivefangirl]

!!! Okay so I actually have a half theory half headcanon for this!!!

So, Papyrus' defense changes in the pacifist and genocide route, and mercy killing usually oneshots, but either way it does much more damage. And going on to his brother, there should be no reason you inflict that much damage to Sans in the fight. Yes, you are strong, but LV 18 -> LV 19 shouldn't have that colossal of a difference.

But maybe that's me just pointing out things not meant to be thought of. Still, I want you to think of Mettaton's line if you kill 39 monsters and not 40 before going to him (I actually got this line first and immediately rebooted afraid I fucked up the route because i thought Mettaton would count as a monster. He might! I'm not sure if that aborts the run) I can not get it rn but this is the gist.

"I can tell from that strike, darling." Huh. Curious.

But why am I rambling about the genocide route? Let's go to other routes.

In your Undyne playdate, she tells you to hit her. You do so, and even with all your might...

You only do 1 hp.

This, to me, is the biggest clue. Why didn't she get hurt? Fake hit makes sense, but no matter what you do, you never hurt her more than that. But why?

Because Frisk didn't want to hurt her.

Think about it. The only time this happens is after you learned about her, and since to get there you can't kill anyone and not only gives her water, but also went to her house, then had a heart to heart talk, seeing her softer side. Frisk has no reason to want to hurt her. If they held a grudge, they wouldn't have gone to her house, and in the route you're going, they're peaceful and doesn't resort to violence.

So finally, going back to the question on hand. Can monsters hurt monsters? My answer is yes.

Monsters can use bullet patterns harmless on each other, but that's only one side of the story.

It is my belief that since they are made mostly of magic, the attack physically doesn't matter nearly as much as emotionally. This makes a lot of sense for a lot of stuff.

It makes sense why Sans gets hit so badly. At that point Frisk is numb to death and pain of others, and they felt entitled as they went through. They feel unstoppable. Everyone since the ruins fell to them in one swoop except for Undyne, but that was a while ago. Even a human eradication robot couldn't do anything! Even Flowey is afraid of them!

But then Sans, the comedian, the monster seems to hold the least threat, who they probably forgot about, comes back and defies them, and kicks their ass.

And what is even more infuriating is he's not strong at all. He has the weakest stats, he should be nothing but a couple second delay!

And if that's not enough, he's using their tricks against them! They're the one meant to start the fight! They're the only one supposed to dodge! And they're the only one meant to mercy kill!

With the entitlement, LV, and how he mocks them, they (with the help of Chara but that's a whole other thing) strike him down, with the worst intentions and most twisted thoughts.

Also with this in mind, it's likely HP and DEF are also not mainly/only physical. Papyrus lowered his defense to give you a chance, which lowered his DEF, which leads him to be a one hit. This also makes sense for mercy killing! They trust you and are off guard, and you take advantage of that.

In the 39 + Mettaton, you weren't cruel enough to find the last one you can find then killing Mettaton, maximizing your killing. This leads him to realize that you aren't truly evil (Although pretty close) and he assumes you will not hurt humanity with that shred.

This also makes sense why Frisk can be killed by Toriel. Humans are physical creatures that don't care about anything emotional.

I personally move this hc to food as well (monsters prefer small local shops because it's usually not automated and made with care, while machine made things aren't harmful per se, but it's bland and just medicore.

Wait I remembered a crucial part that proves my point but I don't want to go back and change my ramblings!

Monsters canonically have their soul linked to their body and it mentions intentions.

[catherdrashepard]

Red Rising/Persona

I’m a huge fan of the Persona series and pretty much anything Atlus has done. I am ALSO a huge fan of Red Rising (blame that on @hyena-frog) So, the natural conclusion is that I should determine which Persona the main RR POV characters would have. As well as a couple extras. Pictures will be included with credit to the artist when applicable. Please let me know if I forget to credit someone. (https://megamitensei.fandom.com/wiki/List_of_Persona_5_Royal_Personas) Here is the website I’m using. Spoilers for the first three books and probably a little of Iron Gold. Also a spoiler for the Faith Confidante in Persona 5: Royal. Avoid the Lysander paragraph if you want none of that. Disclaimer: I have not finished Dark Age yet so some of my thoughts might be lacking complete information.

Darrow: The main characters of the Persona series always start with a Persona from the Fool arcana. It doesn’t necessarily stay that way depending on the players personal preference. That being said, Darrow does fit the Fool arcana very well. It’s considered to be the beginning arcana or one without a number. It represents innocence, divine inspiration, madness, freedom, spontaneity, inexperience, chaos and creativity. These traits I think describe Darrow pretty accurately, especially in the first two books. Considering the story revolves around his journey, it makes sense to label him as a character of beginnings. Persona-wise, I think the one that fits Red Rising and Golden Son Darrow would be Satanael. This Persona is basically the equivalent to Lucifer, the angel who led a rebellion against God. But also that isn’t all that Darrow is. I also think the Death arcana is fitting for him, from Morning Star and beyond. Death is an arcana roughly in the middle of the tarot deck and it’s one that represents metamorphosis and change. Literal interpretation aside, Darrow experiences a change in himself after his capture at the end of Golden Son and his rescue in Morning Star. Not to mention, his entire purpose for becoming a Gold in the first place was to provoke a change in the current system of government. For his Death Persona, I would give him Thanatos. Because he’s my favourite, but also he’s considered the harbinger of death. Perfect for the Reaper. I don’t think Darrow completely loses Satanael in favour of Thanatos; I could definitely see him using both depending on the circumstance.

Virginia/Mustang: By Persona standards, because Mustang is Darrow’s main love interest, she would be the Lovers arcana. However, and this was incredibly difficult because she could really fit more acana, I think she could be both the Judgement and the Empress arcana. The Judgement arcana, I feel, fits her Sovereign persona (ha). It’s associated with a deep understanding of life, a balance of light and darkness, and characters who are well-aware, and intelligent. Not that this doesn’t fit her in her private life as well, but it seems more prevalent in her dealings as the Sovereign. The second arcana is the Empress. This one is more associated with mothers and women of authority. As we saw in the first trilogy, she went to great lengths to protect her family, i.e., working for Octavia, being with Cassius, the whole incident in Lykos. Choosing her Persona is tricky, mostly because Personas can shift arcana depending which game they are pulled from. I think the one to go with is Astarte. This is more of a feeling rather than definitive “proof”. She is identified as the goddess of war, hunting, love, sex, horses and possibly the morning star; her symbols are thought to be the lion, panther, and an eight pointed star. This is also the ultimate Persona of Haru in Persona 5, who awakens her initial Persona in defiance of her father and his corruption, which also feels apt. That being said, Astarte is from the Empress arcana and I could not find a Judgement arcana Persona that I felt fit her well enough.

Credit for the picture of Astarte to: Machia McMadlass on Amino

Sevro: Sevro was very easy to choose a Persona for. One in particular stood out to me. I think Sevro could fit both the Fool arcana and the Devil arcana. I think the aspects of the Fool that Sevro embodies are the madness, freedom, spontaneity, and creativity. The Devil arcana represents the urge to do selfish, impulsive, violent things. However, it also can represent a healthy bond and commitment.  Sevro is a wild card from the beginning, killing Priam in the first book being a prime example. Both he and Darrow were very unexpected successes in the Institute. This is something that also describes the protagonists in the Persona games as well. They all just kind of show up out of nowhere and completely shift the paradigm, especially in Personas 3&5. As for the Devil arcana, Sevro reminds me of the Devil confidante in Persona 5. Their goals are not the same, but both characters are very focused on what they want and make every effort to push through despite any obstacles in the way. As for the Persona, the one I chose was sort of picked for superficial reasons; Bugbear. Its name comes from the Celtic word bugs which means evil spirit or goblin. It’s also considered to be something of a boogeyman, a creature that lurked in the woods to scare children. Also, it’s essentially a stuffed bear filled with skulls, which seems to fit Sevro’s weird tastes.

Victra: With Victra, one arcana stuck out in my mind immediately, the Chariot. This arcana represents victory, conquest, self-assertion, self-confidence, control, war, and command. When first introduced to Victra, she does seem very sure of herself and what she wants. She strikes me as a shoot first and ask questions later type, which is something she has in common with the video game characters who share this arcana. Like Sevro, she could also fit the Devil arcana, especially during certain events in Dark Age that she pursues very single-mindedly. Although, I would say Victra is more Devil leaning than Sevro. As for the Persona, I think Pazuzu would fit her style pretty well. What really struck me as fitting Victra was the description of Pazuzu as an evil spirit that drives away other evil spirits, and protects humans from plagues and misfortunes. Also, despite trying to stick with the arcana placements of Persona 5 Royal, I think it’s worth noting that Pazuzu was summoned by a character in Devil Survivor who seeks revenge for death of a loved one.

Cassius: While perusing the arcana descriptions, the one for the Lovers immediately reminded me of Cassius. The Lovers is usually reserved for the “canon” love interest in the games, barring player preferences. However, Dassius jokes aside, what really made me think Cassius is that this arcana symbolises two paths a life could lead to and, standing at a crossroad and needing to make a decision. I think this describes Cassius’ personal journey throughout the books to a T, especially in the climax of Morning Star where he makes the decision to join Darrow in taking out Aja and Octavia. The other arcana that Cassius would be is the Star. This arcana is said to represent hope, self-confidence, faith, altruism, luck, generosity, peace and joy. I feel like self-confidence, faith, and altruism fit pre-end of Morning Star Cassius very well. He was considered the pinnacle of Golds and I think, at least until he learned what was actually going on, that’s all he wanted to be. The game characters with this arcana are teachers or mentors to the protagonist. Characters that are very good at what they do and offer some form of training. A sort of outlier to this is Teddie, from Persona 4. While he does have more experience than the main character dealing with the enemy (both Cassius and Teddie are part of the group the protagonist fights against), Teddie doesn’t take a combative role until later in the game. This is only possible because Rise, who replaces him as support, makes him question his identity or the “real” him. This is very similar to what happens to Cassius in the first three books. Darrow becomes what Cassius thought himself to be and it causes Cassius to question who he really is. Although, unlike Teddie, I think Cassius chose to heavily lean into being the perfect Gold specimen until the end of Morning Star, where he makes a choice to be the “real” Cassius. As for the Persona, I could easily see him with Sraosha, who represents the highest virtue of humanity, obedience to and submission to Divine Law. I think his motivations for using this Persona would change, however. I imagine at first, he would use it to keep the Society functioning how it always does. But, after Morning Star, I bet it would shift to be more about protecting his own ideals and the submission aspect would relate to Cassius’ personal morals and sense of justice.

Lysander: I really wanted to avoid using the arcana that are not present in a standard deck, and added for a specific game. However, one of the arcana that stood out to me for Lysander is the Faith arcana. This arcana symbolises, in the positive, belief in others and in oneself. Negatively, it represents blind faith misplaced in something that does not deserve trust. From what I understand of Lysander’s story, his personal journey seems to mirror that of the game character who shares his arcana. It is revealed later that she is a fake, and her memories were overwritten by another character. I have not finished Dark Age as of writing this but, I am under the strong impression that Lysander has been brainwashed and that some of his memories have been replaced or erased entirely. And while he does have some misgivings about the Society, I believe he is blind to how fucked up it really is. But it also holds potential for Lysander to overcome this indoctrination. I had a bit of trouble with what the second arcana would be but, I think the Moon fits Lysander pretty well. You could say he’s a….Moonie. But in all seriousness, the description that struck me as Lysander-esque was "They often tend to have trouble accepting themselves for who they are and, because of that fear, try to correspond to an ideal person. And like the arcana, there is a hidden depth as to why they act in their behaviours." Lysander was definitely sheltered and isolated, by both Octavia and Cassius (he tried his best). And perhaps by Atalantia to some degree. He is a fed a narrative and doesn’t really get a chance to analyse his own perceptions and why they may be incorrect. The characters of the Moon arcana in the game often struggle internally with themselves which, to be honest, is a trait most of the POV characters have. But what I think Lysander lacks in that case, is self-awareness. As for the Persona, I ended up going with Cendrillon. This Persona is based on Cinderella, which is a little different from some of the other ones. As much as I like to make fun of Lysander for his poor choices, it’s hard not to see him as a victim. I don’t necessarily think he’s a hero or that he’s entitled to the kind of happy ending Cinderella gets. However, I do feel that, like the fairy tale princess, some of his circumstances were as a result of situations that were out of his control. Also, a line really stuck with me from the initial awakening for the Persona that really made me think Lysander; “Well, if those really are the shoes you've chosen... Then we'll dance to the end.”

Ephraim: Ephraim suffers a lot throughout the books, and I feel like that reflects heavily on what arcana he is. I think the first one that fits him well is the Tower arcana, which is associated with a fall from grace. His story reminds me a lot of the Tower social link character in Persona 3. Both Ephraim and the game character lose their family and turn to substance abuse to numb the pain. People of the Tower arcana seems to suffer a lot of internal pain which they fail to cope with healthily and thus turn to less savoury means until and outside force steps in to help steer them in a better direction. The other arcana I believe fits him well is the Hanged Man. What makes me think Ehpraim is that the appearance of the Hanged Man can be seen as advice to take the time to reflect over one's upcoming actions, which is something I think he needs to learn how to do. They can also be self-sacrificial and are often notable for being stuck between two different stages of life. Also, much like the Tower arcana characters, their journey seems to revolve around some kind of loss that they are failing to cope with. As for the Persona….this was a bit tricky. I have a few I like but one comes with a bit reluctance because of how it plays into the plot of Persona 4 and how it would reflect on Ephraim’s character. But, my gut is telling me that Magatsu-Izanagi is the way to go. What is making me think of Ephraim when I see it is the symbolism behind this Persona. It represents emptiness, impulsiveness, poor judgement, obsession and frivolity. There are also some similarities between Ephraim and the character who wields this Persona in Persona 4. They both exhibit little tact and seem to be playing some sort of game with the other characters. However, Adachi (Persona 4 character) seems to do this because he’s a psychopath whereas I think Ephraim is this way as a terrible coping mechanism. In Persona 4, the arcana where this Persona fits in is meant to be the reversed Fool. And while I’m trying to stick with the Persona 5 Royal placements (which for Magatsu-Izanagi is the Tower arcana), I think the implication here is that Ephraim has a lot of potential to be something so great if he can just reverse the path he is going down.

Lyria: I love Lyria. I think she’s a wonderful and interesting character. I love that she highlights the ramifications of undoing a toxic form of government. She gets so much development that it was easy to see what arcana she fit into. The first one I thought of was the Hermit. It represents wisdom, introspection, solitude, retreat and philosophical searches. In the beginning, she has very strong opinions about Darrow and the rest of the Rising. Which is entirely understandable considering her entire way of life was stripped from her without a way to cope with the changes. But, unlike Lysander, she’s willing to re-examine herself and her perceptions as she is presented with new information. She also tends to try and keep under the radar if she can, which is another trait of the Hermit. What’s interesting to me is that other characters of the Hermit arcana are victims of circumstances out of their control, but they see their own victimization as a result of a flaw in their character. The other arcana is very tricky for me, as there are parts of Lyria’s character that I don’t know yet. After much discussion and deliberation with my resident expert, the second arcana for Lyria is the Priestess. This arcana is a symbol of hidden knowledge or other untapped power, wisdom, female mystery and patience. The characters of this arcana also take more time to open up to the protagonist than others. Which also fits Lyria as she needed time and introspection to really understand Darrow and Mustang. As for the Persona, I’m actually going to cheat a little with my choice. I try to keep the arcana placements from Persona 5 Royal but for Lyria, I’m choosing Hariti whose arcana is Priestess in Persona 4 and Persona Q. Hariti is a protector of children and childbirth after going through a significant change in perspective which, from what I understand and have been told, is also something that Lyria does.

[ibijau]

chap 2 of the modern xisangyao, also on AO3

Against his better judgement, Meng Yao finds himself quite charmed by the too handsome researcher who wants to meet his employer

Mister Shanzi will be unhappy when he discovers that Meng Yao has agreed to meet with a researcher without first consulting him, but he is simply too curious. It is so odd for anyone to be so interested in that obscure painter, and so desperate to see more of his work. Of course, Mister Shanzi himself holds a clear interest in Nie Huaisang, one that he has unwillingly transmitted to Meng Yao… But mister Shanzi is an odd man, and ordinary people cannot be compared to him. 

For this reason, Meng Yao's first instinct upon being contacted by Lan Xichen had been suspicion. Mister Shanzi has his enemies, as Meng Yao knows well, and they try to act clever sometimes. 

His second instinct, after a quick internet search, had been amusement. Surely nobody expected him to believe that this man, handsome enough to play the lead in a drama, was a mere university teacher. 

A more thorough search had confirmed it though. Meng Yao knew enough about running a con to spot modified photos and fake credentials, and he had found none of that. Digging further, Lan Xichen appeared in the background of photos and was referenced here and there on relatives' social media, with no incoherence to the presentation he'd given in his email. 

So Meng Yao had found himself intrigued, and offered to meet and chat. 

A decision he half regrets now, because somehow, Lan Xichen is even more handsome in person. He is, in fact, the single most beautiful person that Meng Yao has seen in his life, easily outranking mister Shanzi who had reigned there supreme since the day Meng Yao met him during a con gone wrong. 

"I am so glad you offered to meet me," Lan Xichen says with a warm smile. "I am really sorry that I was so insistent, but it is so rare for several of Nie Huaisang’s works to be in a single place."

“I understand,” Meng Yao replies, trying to match the warmth of that smile when he can’t help being a little dazzled by that handsome stranger. “Though at the moment, my employer is a little wary of showing any of those paintings in his possession until he has inspected them all again. It is very embarrassing that several fakes fooled him, and mister Shanzi wants to restore his reputation. He is still getting used to modern technology, and how much it has changed the art market in recent decades.”

Mostly, mister Shanzi complains a lot on the matter, and keeps saying he’s going to have to change career soon. Apparently, back in the days, it was much easier to sell a decent fake as long as you also sold enough real things. But now with age testing of the paper and analysis of the ink, it’s nearly impossible to do a good enough job.

Of course mister Shanzi could quite easily make as much money only selling legitimate art, he has the connections, the collection, and impeccable taste. So Meng Yao suspects it’s not just about money, and more about the twisted joy of deceiving others. He can't fault him for that.

“Yes, that makes sense,” Lan Xichen sighs. “I was fooled as well, so I understand the feeling. It’s so disappointing, but not unexpected. Nie Huaisang attracts forgers like no other artists.”

Meng Yao nods sympathetically. He’s heard mister Shanzi boast that well over half of Nie Huaisang’s paintings in circulation are copies he made himself, and perfectly undetectable unless one runs those ‘damn new tests’ on them.

“If I may be so bold, why the interest in that particular painter?” Meng Yao asks. “Surely you could have found someone less complicated to study.”

Rather than to answer immediately, Lan Xichen considers the question. He takes a sip of tea with more elegance than this café deserves, and Meng Yao is struck once more with the idea that this man should be acting in drama, not writing essays nobody will ever read. It’s easy to imagine Lan Xichen playing the role of a noble prince, or even a god. 

“He’s just a fascinating character I suppose,” Lan Xichen says at last. “Outside of his art, we know so little about him. We don’t even know his real name.”

“What?”

Lan Xichen smiles, clearly very pleased to have gotten that reaction.

“He wasn’t born Nie Huaisang,” he explains. “That’s only his courtesy name. You see, he belonged to that… well, they called themselves a sect, though at the end of the day they were closer to nobility, with the same inheritance problems and power struggles. Still, Qinghe Nie held a number of beliefs, and one of them was that the birth name of its members had to be kept a complete secret… and Nie Huaisang is among those who succeeded at obeying that rule. So we don’t know his name, we don’t know his date of birth, and we don’t know how he died or when.”

“Is there anything that is known about him?” Meng Yao teases, more endeared and intrigued than he would care to admit.

Lan Xichen must notice, because he smiles again, as if delighted to have found someone willing to listen to his impromptu lecture.

“We know he was raised by his brother because their father died when they were young,” Lan Xichen says. “Well, half-brother. Nie Huaisang was the child of a concubine, or even of a servant. His father recognised him, but his legitimacy was called in question a few times. We know he survived a local insurrection nicknamed the Sunshot Campaign, though it’s unclear if he was old enough to have taken part in any fighting. His brother did though, with great success, but died without heirs a few years later and Nie Huaisang found himself in charge of a fief.”

He pauses there, his expression turning sadder, as if he were talking of a personal friend rather than a long dead man. Meng Yao finds it ridiculous and a little endearing.

“A few anecdotes from the lives of contemporaries tell us that he must have had a rough time at first,” Lan Xichen continues, “and he was suspected for a while of being implicated in the murder of the head of the Jin clan, but nothing ever came out of that. He’s just thirty at that point, still fairly young, and he lives on for another fifty, maybe sixty years… and we don’t know anything about what he does during that time. Nobody really talks about Qinghe Nie again until his successor rises to power and brings the clan back into the political sphere. Nie Huaisang’s life is a mystery. What little we think we know comes from the few poems he left, and whatever clues we can gather from his numerous paintings. Isn’t that fascinating?”

What’s fascinating, Meng Yao thinks, is the way Lan Xichen’s eyes light up when talking about something he’s passionate about. If it’s an act, then it’s an excellent one… but Meng Yao finds himself hoping that it’s sincere, that Lan Xichen really is just an odd man who is apparently half in love with a painter who died a millennium and a half ago.

There is no way that mister Shanzi would ever let anyone see his private collection. Even Meng Yao is barely allowed to go to his employer’s house, to avoid attracting attention to the place. Lan Xichen’s request is never going to be granted.

But it has been a long while since Meng Yao has been so intrigued by someone, not since first meeting mister Shanzi in fact. And mister Shanzi, in spite of the mutual attraction that Meng Yao knows to be there, has made it quite clear that he isn’t interested in anything but a professional relationship. Meng Yao has satisfied himself with that so far, because his life really is pretty good as it currently is, but Lan Xichen changes that. Surely there’s no harm in pretending that there’s a chance he might get to see the painting, at least until Meng Yao can decide if that too handsome man is trustworthy or not, dateworthy or not…

“It does sound interesting,” Meng Yao admits. “I’m sure mister Shanzi would…”

His phone starts vibrating, interrupting him. Meng Yao can’t help a slight frown, which turns to a deeper one when he sees the message he’s just received.

“Well, I have to go,” he sighs. “I’m really sorry. But… mister Lan, if I may be so bold, would you agree to exchanging numbers? That way we can continue talking about this more easily.”

“Yes, of course,” Lan Xichen replies. There is a trace of pink on his cheeks as he takes out his own phone, which Meng Yao finds both very fetching and rather encouraging.

He’ll have to be careful, this could be a trap, Lan Xichen might be an excellent actor, part of a team skilled enough to have fooled Meng Yao, but… but he might not be, too, and it would be a shame to miss this chance.

After having exchanged numbers and promised to be in touch soon, Meng Yao quickly heads home. He lives on the edges of the city, in a building that already looked ancient when he was a kid. Today’s a good day, because the lift is, in fact, actually working for once.

Upon getting to his floor, Meng Yao goes to knock on the door next to his. It opens nearly immediately.

“Meng Yao, you’re saving my life,” the young woman who lives there greets him. “I’m really sorry, I’ve tried everyone else, but I’ve been called in for an extra shift and I need the money so bad, I’ve had to buy her new shoes this month, and…”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind at all.”

His neighbour thanks him again, and rushes inside. She’s back quickly, her daughter in her arms. The child nearly throws herself at Meng Yao, and her mother runs off to work, leaving them alone.

“Well, Beastie, it’s just you and me,” Meng Yao says, walking to his door. “What are we going to do tonight?”

“Watch fighting movies! Eat candies!”

“And what will we tell mama we did?”

“Watch documentaries and eat greens and I went to bed and I was good!” The little girl roars.

Meng Yao laughs, and puts her down while he unlocks his door. Beastie runs inside to check the tv, while Meng Yao makes sure they actually have something to eat. He tries to keep his fridge full and his cabinet fuller, especially since Beastie has become a regular at his place. Her mother is a hard working girl who, like Meng Yao’s mother, got pregnant too young from a man who didn’t stick around. He used to babysit Beastie for extra cash before meeting mister Shanzi, and for some reason he never really stopped, even if he refuses to take money for it now. He just likes Beastie and her mom, and he remembers how much his own mother used to rely on neighbours too, whenever things became rough.

As Beastie and him settle down for the night, ready to watch one of those cheesy, over the top old kung-fu movies that they both love, Meng Yao gets a text from Lan Xichen, thanking him again for meeting him. After only the briefest of hesitations, Meng Yao quickly answers that he’s sorry he had to leave so fast, because he loved chatting with Lan Xichen. This prompts another text from the handsome teacher, to which Meng Yao replies as well.

His phone doesn’t stop buzzing all nigh, and Meng Yao doesn't stop smiling. 

-

In the days and weeks that follow, Meng Yao and Lan Xichen manage to meet in person a few more times, and text nearly constantly. At their second meeting they’re still pretending that this is only about Lan Xichen’s research, but by the third one they start openly chatting about other things.

Lan Xichen is very open about his life, and everything he says fits with what Meng Yao had found during his initial investigation. He has a little brother nearly fifteen years younger than him who lives with him, he enjoys teaching and researching equally, he has a pet rabbit called Liebing he dotes on, he can’t handle spice at all, he has, in fact, been asked more than once if he was interested in a modelling or acting career but always refused because academia is his calling.

Meng Yao is more careful with the information he shares. He admits to having worked for mister Shanzi for nearly five years, but doesn’t elaborate on how they meet because that's not a story for honest people. He confesses he didn’t have any particular interest in art until taking the job, though he has tried to educate himself on the subject since then (Lan Xichen offers to go to a museum together someday, and to his own surprise, Meng Yao agrees). He doesn’t have pets, but he does have Beastie and he’s pretty sure that counts.

The way Lan Xichen’s eyes go soft over that… it does things to Meng Yao’s poor heart.

As does almost everything Lan Xichen does or says, in fact.

Meng Yao is half appalled at himself for how fast he’s falling for Lan Xichen. He tries to resist it, tries to be reasonable, but Lan Xichen just has to smile the right way, and Meng Yao’s heart flutters in his chest. He feels like a teenager with a crush.

He starts thinking like one, too.

Ever since meeting mister Shanzi, Meng Yao has been loyal to his employer. There is something about the man that demands it, and though he has never made threats of any sorts, Meng Yao can feel that mister Shanzi is not a man who takes kindly to betrayal.

And yet, it would be so easy to arrange for Lan Xichen to come to mister Shanzi’s home without his knowledge. Meng Yao is in charge of his employer’s schedule, so he knows where he is at any given time. He also has the keys to that isolated house in the middle of nowhere. It would be so easy, and Meng Yao has never been too good at resisting temptation.

At this point, he knows that if he tells Lan Xichen he won't see the paintings, the other man will be disappointed but will ask if they can keep seeing each other anyway. This isn't about finding a way to keep his attention: Meng Yao knows he has it already. 

It's about Meng Yao guessing how happy Lan Xichen will be to see those paintings, and deciding surely that's worth the risk. 

That’s how Meng Yao and Lan Xichen find themselves in a car one day, heading out of the city together. Meng Yao feels his skin buzzing with nerves, though every time he takes his eyes from the road to glance at Lan Xichen and finds him glowing and as excited as a child, he knows it was the right choice. It takes them a few hours to get to the house, which they spend chatting about a number of things. About midway through the trip, when they take a break, Meng Yao announces that due to a last minute problem, mister Shanzi won’t be able to meet them at the house, but welcomes them to check the paintings without him. Lan Xichen is of course disappointed and offers to try again another time, but Meng Yao convinces him it’s more convenient to go that day.

The house, hidden in a bamboo forest, takes Lan Xichen’s breath away when he discovers it, just as it did for Meng Yao the first time. It’s not particularly big or extravagant, but there’s something about it that makes Meng Yao’s heart ache every time he sees it, as if he’s known it before. It’s ridiculous, of course. He’d never really left the city before starting to work for mister Shanzi.

“It looks like home,” Lan Xichen whispers as he exits the car.

“Does your family have a place like that?”

Lan Xichen frowns, and shakes his head. “No, not at all. But it still feels like home. I can’t explain why… Ah, don’t mind me. Let’s just go inside.”

Meng Yao hides a smile and goes to open the door. In truth, he’d like to get this over with as quickly as possible. Mister Shanzi has no reason to be back from his trip until tomorrow, but Meng Yao won’t feel safe until they’ve left. It really is stupid to have come here at all, and even Lan Xichen’s happiness is starting to not feel worth the risk.

The house is quiet when they go in, and a little cold, making them shiver. It’s always fresh in there, which Meng Yao assumes is why mister Shanzi has taken to calling his home the Hanshi. 

“It’s not a very welcoming name for a home,” Lan Xichen says as he looks around, sounding a little distracted.

“It’s not much of a home anyway. He doesn’t live here most of the time,” Meng Yao explains as they head for the kitchen. “It has his private collection, a few personal belongings, and that’s it. He prefers to stay with friends or at hotels if he can. Check the fridge and you’ll see how bad it is.”

While Meng Yao pours himself a glass of water, Lan Xichen does check the fridge, and finds it predictably empty except for some forgotten leftovers. Sometimes, Meng Yao suspects that mister Shanzi doesn’t eat at all unless he has company.

After taking a moment to rest from the long trip, Meng Yao takes Lan Xichen toward the workshop in the basement, where he knows his employer usually keeps the best parts of his collection, fake and authentic paintings carefully divided according to a system he taught to Meng Yao.

It really feels more and more like a betrayal to be doing this, but Lan Xichen is glowing, and mister Shanzi will never know.

Meng Yao starts opening the door.

His blood turns to ice when he realises that there’s light inside the room.

He thinks, for a second, to stop and run away while he can, but it’s too late already. Lan Xichen would ask questions, and he wouldn’t like the answers. It could save him from also dealing with mister Shanzi’s fury at least, but even that won’t be afforded to him. When Meng Yao peaks inside, mister Shanzi’s swivel chair is turning toward the door, with mister Shanzi sitting crossed leg in it and looking curiously at the intruders.

It is painfully obvious that mister Shanzi isn’t expecting visitors. Instead of the polished outfits he favours in public, he’s wearing a pair of novelty boxers with emoji on them, and a hoodie two sizes too big with ink stains on the sleeves. His long hair isn’t in a neat braid, but in a messy bun held in place by some cheap chopsticks. In short, mister Shanzi doesn’t look like the refined young man he endeavours to be when he has to show his face somewhere, and more like a college student who has forgotten the taste of any food except instant noodle and energy drinks.

That impression is only made worse by the headphones he’s now lowering, and the game console on his lap. They must have caught him taking a break.

“Meng Yao, why are you…” mister Shanzi starts asking, unfolding his legs so he can stand up, only to interrupt himself when his gaze falls on Lan Xichen.

His hands start shaking, badly enough that his console falls from his grip and onto the floor, its screen cracking upon impact.

“You!” mister Shanzi gasps, eyes wide with terror.

[robuttsinyourthighs]

Starscream telling Arcee and the Autobots he killed Cliffjumper cause Cliff killed Star’s trine with an explosion and Bumblebee sadly admits that it’s true and Star tearfully says that Skywarp and Thundercracker were the last of his loved ones after losing Vos... "I lost everyone... At least you still have Jack and your fellow Autobots!" 💔

I kind of took the idea of this and went on a bender. I’ve been writing this on my phone for... well, however long this ask has been in my inbox! I’ll also be posting this on my AO3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27387250

Please ENJOY~!

---------------------------------------

He was backed into a corner yet again. That blasted femme always had it out for him, even after all this struggle and strife to hop on board the Autobot goody-two-shoes-train. He always had to prove himself, even when he wasn't up to something he was never fully trusted and especially not by her. He just wanted a ration, that was all, and Ratchet had sanctioned it and Bumblebee offered to go as his chaperone but it didn't stop Arcee's pent up frustration and mistrust from tailing the seeker and exploding at him.

"I've been with you lot for nearly a year and you STILL want to badger me?" The seeker cracked open the corner of his cube right there in the storage room, not wanting to give the two-wheeler enough time to make him lose his appetite by stalking him to his hab-suite as well.

"It's not badgering, it's questioning. I deserve answers, and the team deserves to know what you REALLY are." The former Con-turned-Not-quite-Autobot sneered.

"And what am I, exactly?" He leaned over her, a common intimidation tactic he used when on occasion he was taller than the other person in the room. "I would so LOVE for you to tell me."

Bumblebee tried to fit between the two somewhat, hands held up while buzzing and beeping his concern and warning Arcee to move back. The blue and pink motorcycle refused, clenching her fists and fighting to not transform out her blasters.

"You are a sick monster who has killed more Cybertronians than any Autobot or 'Con! You killed Cliffjumper in cold blood!" The jet sucked his teeth in irritation and leaned back from her space, folding an arm over his torso and resting his elbow on the back of his hand.

"Oh this old song and dance again? Please, find something new to hyperfixate on," he sneered dismissively, 'We've all lost someone in this war, you're not SPECIAL. Look at your scout, he's always sunshine and fluttering doors despite what Megatron did to his vocalizer." The seeker flicked his wings irritably and his plating flared around his collar and sides, a sign he was more upset than he was letting on. Arcee read him well enough to not want to back down yet, even with Bumblebee between them and actually having to put his servos on her shoulders to keep her back.

"You're nothing but an emotionless, unfeeling   BEAST! You're unfit to call yourself a Cybertronian!" The seeker curled his lip in a snarl at that, wings rattling and giving the femme the justification she wanted to finally ping the entire base to assist.

Bee could only keep Arcee back for so long, but he'd be nearly helpless to stop an attack from Starscream. The two wheeler scoffed at the display and took a couple of steps back from the amount of force Bumblebee was putting against the femme.

"Look at you, Screamer. You're NOTHING. No wonder you don't care about the pain and suffering you dish out. You've never known what it's like to lose someone. Who would care about a sparkless THING like YOU??" Arcee didn't have time to flinch when the cube of energon was smashed into her face, the liquid splashing out and covering Bumblebee's chest and arms. The room exploded with movement, Optimus and Bulkhead bursting into the storage room and grabbing both of Starscream's arms and pinning them back and under his wings, Ratchet closely following with the stasis cuffs needed restrain his hands and wings.

On the other side of the spat Arcee was thrashing against Bumblebee until Wheeljack jogged in and promptly bear-hugged her from behind, lifting her off her pedes and trying to get her to stop yelling and listen. Smokescreen stood at the door, watching the chaos unfold and unable to tell what was happening before they'd arrived to the shouting pair smothered in wasted energon.

"Let me at him! Let me go!! He deserves to pay for what he did!!" Arcee nearly got an arm loose to transform it but Bee caught it in time, beeping and pinging her desperately to stop.

Starscream was forced to the ground rather quickly, pinned while the bots bound his wrists and wings.

"Told ya it was a matter of time before Starscream tried something," Wheeljack called over. "Better get on disarming him quick, doc, before 'Cee does it for us." The scout finally had enough. He revved his engine so loudly the whole room was filled with the vibrations of it. When it stopped Arcee was still, though venting heavily from her struggling, and Starscream was seething quietly.

::Arcee started it!:: Bumblebee group-commed them, including Starscream so he knew he wasn't going to just let this go by without all sides knowing exactly how this went down.

That certainly changed the perspective of things a little. Wheeljack flattened his mouth into one of thin annoyance since he looked like an aft for accusing Starscream of being the root of this predicament. Bulkhead and Optimus helped him up and kept him steady on his feet.

"Starscream, can you tell us what happened? Why would you resort to violence?" Optimus started, wanting to open a dialog where the seeker could be heard.

"That's all he knows, Optimus! He only knows how to destroy and kill!" Arcee shouted past the Autobot leader. Starscream's heckles raised again, wings clattering in their confines even as Optimus began to admonish Arcee.

"HE GOT WHAT HE DESERVED!!" He shouted over the Prime's voice. "Did it HURT, Arcee?! Did you feel his spark GUTTER?!! Did it HURT?! DID HE TAKE PART OF YOUR SPARK WITH HIM?!" Starscream's voice was strong, unwavering and profoundly pained. "I can only hope so! I hope I gave him just one ounce of the pain he put in mevwhen he slaughtered MY TRINE!!"

The two wheeler opened her mouth to argue back initially but couldn't process what she was hearing right away. She was immediately skeptical of his claim. "How? Your what??"

"My bonded!" Starscream stamped his pede in frustration, bending forward and wanting to just collapse but the sturdy Autobots on either side of him holding onto his arms prevented that. "He ripped them away from me! He tore their wings off and made them watch each other while they were TORTURED!!" He tried to lunge forwardn in his hurt and fury, Optimus and Bulkhead changing stances to hold him back more easily.

"He wouldn't do that!" Arcee bit back, though the bite in her voice was ebbing into confusion.

"You don't believe that, do you?" Starscream looked up at her, coolant having flooded down his face in his grief. "You were his partner. You know he delighted in torturing the enemy, don't you?"

"Starscream," Optimus spoke up. "Autobots do not condone unnecessary torture of prisoners. If what you're saying is true, please understand it was never under any order to do so. I am sorry for your loss."

Following Optimus' lead, Bulkhead gave a light pat to the jet's shoulder. "Its messed up that that happened to you... I'm sorry." Bee gave a small whirring noise of sympathy to the seeker, knowing his words wouldn't be enough to help his ache.

The jet was finally settling into his footing and standing properly and very still. A calm came over him as he shoved his hurt and pain deep down. Something finally clicked in Arcee's mind while she watched the jet mask his emotions and lift his helm with pride. The way he brought his snarkiness back into his voice so effortlessly and pretended there were no wet streaks on his cheeks from the tears that were streaming just a moment ago.

This was what she always saw as his facade- his ability to just LIE and feign emotion he couldn't actually feel, the remorseless way he would dupe others into helping him and then stab them in the back without batting an optic, but her perspective had shifted.

His raw emotion, his unhinged E.M. field lashing out just moments before would be a tremendous feat to fake. His shift into calm was not a lack of actual emotion, but it was his defense. How often did he have to do this? To be this convincing? How long had he developed this skill to just HIDE his pain?? How much trauma... His bonded... To lose such an integral part of your spark not once but twice at the same time? Bots wouldn't normally survive that without going insane, which she thought he was up until this point.

He was untrusting, angry, bitter, and always plotting for his own survival, none of that changed. The only new ingredient was the WHY. He wasn't cruel for cruelty's sake. He was just another victim of this ridiculous war, and he was acting out of revenge against Cliffjumper.

In spite of everything he had still joined the Autobots, coming to them scarred and broken almost beyond repair, all at the hands of the Decepticon warlord he never fully obeyed. Everything made so much sense but made it so much harder for Arcee to feel steady.

Her beliefs were upended and in an instant it was as if she didn't know anything anymore.. Who could she be angry with? Who was the real victim here? Who was the monster? She had no focus, she had no real motive if she didn't know?? The clawed servo on her helm startled her from her thoughts and she looked up to see Starscream's calm, vermilion optics gazing down into hers.

"Ground yourself, Arcee. Be proud that you've come so far." What was he saying?? Was he mocking her? A small wave of regret trickled from his field against hers. "Let's clean you up. It's only fair I start taking care of the messes I create." She pulled herself back from his touch and Wheeljack eased his hold on her when he was sure she wasn't going to go on the offensive.

The two wheeler realized she'd been covered in thrown energon and he was offering to make amends. After everything, all these years, he was sorry without actually saying it. She understood him more clearly now, though it would have been easier to just keep hating him senselessly. Jack would be pretty disappointed if she went about like that.

He had already expressed concerns for her before due to her conduct when it came to Starscream and Airachnid. She heaved a sigh and turned on her heel to follow the jet as he began to walk.

"Fine. Let's put this behind us." She sounded stiff and unsure. "No funny business."

Starscream scoffed. "Please, you're hardly my type." The jet brushed his wing against Wheeljack's door as he moved past him, startling the wrecker into turning to give them room to go by and catching the suggestive stare the jet gave. Smokescreen had a front row seat to the show and his jaw dropped in shock, not hiding his entertained he was at all.

Arcee hadn't missed it either and grinned to the explosives expert. "Uh oh, better watch out Wheeljack, I think somebody's got eyes for you," the two wheeler teased in passing.

The rest of the Autobots were left in a mix of relief and amusement, save for Wheeljack's open confusion and concern. "Wait what?? Wait-!!" Bumblebee and Bulkhead broke into laughter, Smokescreen clapping Wheeljack on the back and congratulating him. "Was that serious?! He wasn't being serious!"

Optimus let out a cycle of air he didn't know he was holding, relaxing his shoulders just a little at the progress his team seemed to be making. Ratchet's troubled field got his attention and he looked to the medic.

"Something has you worried?" He inquired down to him. Ratchet tisked and propped his hands on his hips.

"They're going to be unstoppable, you know, now that they're getting buddy-buddy. Who else do you know that can get Wheeljack FLUSTERED like that??" Optimus looked back over to the team laughing at the fretting Wrecker. The smile the Prime made was undetectable behind his mask, but highly evident in his soft and amused tone.

"I don't believe it is entirely bad if Wheeljack is on the receiving end of some teasing once in a while."

The medic gaped up at the Autobot leader. "Optimus!" He scolded but the Prime was already heading out to attend to other duties. The medic scrubbed his hand down his face.

"Out of one mess and into another."

[aesthyuckic]

AVENOIR | l.dh - OCTODECIM

Genre: High School AU (at beginning) ; Tarot Reader!Witch!Hyuck

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: (bold if in use) slow but with a purpose, belief contradictions, mentions of r*pe, blood, swearing, violence, mentions of abuse

Pairings: Lee Donghyuck (Haechan) x Reader (F)

VI OF SWORDS: transition, leaving behind, moving on

Haechan has found himself staring at, whatever it was in front of him with wide eyes. Just confused and rather dazed from just waking up in the hospital bed. He began to try to grapple something in his mind to make up for what was happening. Maybe he hit his head too hard when he got shot or maybe it was the drugs being pumped into him in that moment? Those were the only logical explanations... Yeah, one of those had to be it, right..?

“That’s impossible,” He shook his head in disbelief. “Cosimia’s mom is dead, has been for awhile.”

“Now, what other possibility leaves me here talking with you?” She smiled, almost bitterly.

It seemed like he got it immediately as his eyes widened, “Ghosts aren’t real. People are just... dead after they die... Nothing else.”

“Yet, here we are.”

He looked at what claimed to be her mother, rather confused, as silence overtook the air. It had to be a hallucination... Just his mind playing trick on him. He hated the thought of going crazy...

“Maybe, this is normal.” He mumbled more to himself than anything. “I’m sure you’re just a figment.”

He cursed himself mentally in his head as he was encouraging himself to talk to it. He reached over in the attempt to find the button to call the nurse in, in his bed. Though, while he was doing so it reached over and grabbed his wrist. In that moment, he felt goosebumps rise on his skin all over his body from the one touch. It was ice cold... That was always a sign of a ghost according to the girl who laid next to him, asleep. Heat was always one of the first things to go too at the end...

“Don’t do that!” She yelled. “They’ll take you off the drugs and you’ll be in pain for your time healing and when you say I haven’t gone away they’ll eventually think you’re ill! You know what will happen...”

She seemed too concerned about his well-being to be fake in his honesty and he seemed too logical to be hallucinating. Then again, if he was he wouldn’t know in that moment.

“How do I not know you’re not a figment of my imagination?” He asked. “Tell me about Cosimia or something.”

“She was born at 10:30 in the morning.” She answered, without hesitation and so assertively.

He sighed. That was stupid to even ask. He didn’t actually know if the girl was but even if it was, he could’ve subconsciously heard it or even have made it up with a coincidence to pair with it. He couldn’t help but notice how oddly similar they looked and how similar they were personality wise they were too, her mother coming off as strong and maybe a little darker even... Again, there was a logical situation to what was before him, he was still left confused. He looked over at the girl next to him... It freaked him out inside and she wasn’t even awake so she couldn’t help him in this moment.

His thoughts were interrupted when the heavy door of his hospital room swung open. A kind looking nurse came in, her attention on the clipboard in her hands. Once she had finally looked up, she almost dropped it when she saw the boy there, sat up and looking back at her with doe eyes. Her pen did slip from her fingers and it hitting the floor was the only sound to be made in the awkwardly silent room as her mouth fell agape.

“You’re awake...” She said as backed up. “I have to go get the doctor, hold on!”

She ran out of the room and judging by how rapid the echo of the tile hitting the bottom of her shoes was, she was still running.

“Notice how she didn’t acknowledge me?” Cosimia’s mom (presumably) pointed out.

“Doesn’t mean anything.” He frowned. “You can still very well be a hallucination.”

“You’ve clearly never actually experienced what it actually is.” She rolled her eyes. “You would not be as calm as you are and only seeing me.”

He was left speechless. He decided not to fight with it right now whether it be internal or not. She had rolled her eyes once again before she crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat.

Only seconds later had the boy felt Cosimia start to stir next to him in her sleep. His attention immediately went to her and stayed there. He moved so he was facing her in the bed somewhat and subconsciously came to rest his hand gently on her waist as he looked at her. Soon enough, she lazily opened her eyes with the heavy lids. It made him smile for some reason, perhaps even with the lost time he didn’t recall he had missed her. It took her moment to realize what was going on but once she did her eyes widened before she practically jumped on him with a screech.

She never thought waking up to his smile would be such a beautiful thing as she grabbed his cheeks and began to pepper his face with kisses. She hugged him so tightly into his chest after it had him blushing. He didn’t mind it one bit, he actually liked it. It made him feel loved and once she let him go, he let out a giggle as she cupped his cheeks again.

“You’re okay!” She smiled, her eyes wide with excitement and filled with happiness.

“Of course.” He laughed, nervously as he continued to blush a little.

His hands came to rest on top of hers, rubbing them. She missed that in all honesty and it just felt so nice to have it again. Things were silence as they had just looked into each other’s eyes, so close together. The air was nothing short of empty though. Though, the nurse had come back with a doctor which somewhat interrupted their moment as unfortunate as it was. They asked her to leave as well, just for the time being as it was mandatory for the boy’s check up.

She didn’t seem upset at all when she nodded. Before she left, she made sure to give one final kiss on his cheek. She skipped out of the room, rather happily and the nurse closed the door behind her. The doctor began to ask him questions and the nurse took his blood pressure and such.

“You know,” The nurse started. “She never left your side... Most of the time because had to carry her away. You sure are lucky to have a girlfriend like her.”

He found himself blushing again and he chuckled, “Thank you... but she’s not my girlfriend. I don’t know if she’d even like people thinking that or anything.”

“Hmm,” She shrugged. “She didn’t seem to mind when I said you were a cute couple... Oh, sometimes I should keep my mouth shut...”

He found himself blushing again, only this time at the thought of the moment the nurse had told him about. He doubted it all though, maybe she was thought it was too much of a hassle to correct her. He almost spaced out until the doctor said how lucky he truly was. The crystal he wore stopped his death and even prevent paralyzation. It was the first time he had notice it was gone too... He frowned to himself as it was the first time he missed it. Not to mention how hard his friend worked on it for him and probably was sad about the fact that it was dust. He did remember the fact that she said it provided protection. He thought, maybe it really had for him after all... The doctor finally ended it and asked if the boy had anymore question which he shook his head, politely to. They finally left leaving him alone with the ghost of Cosimia’s mom.

“Have you always been around?” He asked. “Cosimia, I mean.”

“Of course,” She nodded. “I had to be...”

“Did it really happen?” He mumbled while he played with his fingers in his laps. “Did she actually not mind when the nurse told her that?”

“Hmm, she didn’t mind at all honestly. She smiled about it, actually and I think I heard her repeat with a chuckle and a ‘maybe’ as she played with your hair.”

To hear it in such detail, even if he want 100% sure if it was true, just made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. It sounded nice, he admit but he would always remember how she said she wasn’t ready. She couldn’t possibly be over that already... He looked back over to her mom. It hit him that she had always been there for Cosimia, even if she went unseen, she witnessed everything her daughter did and all the loving moments they shared too... How awkward, he thought not only for her but them as well.

Soon enough, the girl occupied his mind came back into the room. She just looked so happy as she came to lay next to him again. He couldn’t help his heart skipping a beat when he saw her either. He knew he was out but even then he felt like he was gone and that he’d missed her in a strange sense. He was glad to be conscious again though as she had cuddled up next to him.

“Was it really a week?” He asked. “I don’t know, it somehow it felt like a month almost.”

“It felt like that to me too,” She chuckled. “It was kinda lonely and quiet without you here. It made me miss you a bit.”

“Only a bit?” He pouted.

“You know more than a bit, dummby.”

“It’s hard to tell sometimes, I need to make sure... but, did you see what happened that day?”

Her vision had played permanently in her head all week on repeat. It would never stop as she always felt it was her fault for getting him hurt which was the opposite of what she ever wanted to do. The tears that she had managed to keep out of her eyes since he awoken had come back just a little. It still remained so vivid in her mind even if she wasn’t there. The adrenaline that over took her body the last time came back long with the jarring sound of the gun. The crows flying off as she could feel her heart get heavy. The relief, yet despair she felt when she stabbed Ten and the overwhelming feeling of warm blood that covered her hands that terrified her into a state of shock. The emptiness that came after too...

“Hey, please don’t cry,” He whispered as he realized how it effected her before he pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry I asked, I didn’t know it would effect you like that. I know what you’re thinking and I get you couldn’t mess up the timeline, or whatever it’s called. You knew I’d be fine though, didn’t you?”

She shook her head, avoiding his eyes as she felt even more guilty, “I didn’t know though. I did try and stop it but I couldn’t even get there before it happened. After I stabbed Ten, I’ll tell you about that later but I passed out and my mind went blank. Since then I haven’t been able to predict anything, it’s just fog there. I don’t know what happened maybe it’s trauma but I have no idea.”

His smile had dropped. He knew how important it was to her to have that ability and it was just gone... He looked over at her mom who he had forgotten about until then, somehow. He was truly starting to believe maybe it was her mom after all.

“Cosi,” He said. “What time were you born?”

“10:30 A.M.” She answered. “Why do you ask?”

“Your birthday is next month.” He shrugged. “I need to know.

“You shouldn’t be concerned about that right now. I’m worried about you healing.”

It was oddly silent in the room between the two teenagers. He looked over at her mom again. Maybe she knew what was going on. The girl somehow mysteriously losing her ability but him somehow gaining one after what happened. What’s the odds of that even happening? It was all very weird.

“Haechan is okay!” They heard from the door.

Hendery and the other boys stood there in the doorway before they came piling in. It became much more lively in them but he still felt out of place that day. Even with all the hugs he got and gifts as well he couldn’t help but feel incredible off. Though to look over in see his friend smiling and happy made him feel better. Again though, how was she eventually going to tell her about what was going on?

[forestwater87]

Tales of Fandom Past: Harry Potter and the Shipping Slaves

So, in my spare time I read a lot, lot . . . lot of fandom_wank. A lot. More than should be possible, considering it’s a dead website linking mostly to other dead websites, but I’m a woman addicted to drama who has the gift of long periods of quiet at work, so I’m working my way through almost 2 decades of fan history and it’s just fascinating.

Fandom, back in the ‘00s? Was so much more wild than it is now.

Plagiarism! Fake suicides! Fraud! Theft of real people’s actual money! Stalkers, both real and made up! Fanfic writers so popular they finagled it into mountains of free stuff and a book deal! Everyone was really gross and homophobic! 

There were no rules, and that made it a terrible and incredibly fun time to be part of a fandom.

And we’re not talking enough about it. I guess that’s where I come in.

I’m interested in telling these stories -- not in the incredible level of detail of the MsScribe Saga or the Cassie Claire Plagiarism Debacle, but enough for us to all have a moment to think: Hold on, what the fuck was fandom doing during the entirety of the Bush administration?

A lot, it turns out. Much of it totally wild.

Today’s topic: Shipping wars are as bad as slavery

Date: August 2005

Fandom: Harry Potter

Supposed topic(s): Shipping, canon

Content warning(s): Accidental and ironic diminishing of slavery, complaints about political correctness and free speech, racism in general, lots of hurt feelings and drama

"Now, I'm not black, but boy, do I feel for the black people. If I lived in the 1800's, I wouldn't keep slaves, and if someone has a difference of opinion than me now, that's fine, believe what you want."

Background

In August of 2005, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince had been out for a little less than a month, the film version of The Goblet of Fire wouldn’t come out until November, and the last Potter movie had been released over a year ago. In terms of shipping, fans had just discovered, to either their delight or horror, that Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione were canon; while some would continue to hold out hope that there would be a last-minute reversal of expectations, most of the fandom both on and off the internet was in agreement: 

The shipping wars were over, and the Harry/Hermione fans (a.k.a., H/Hr fen, or “Harmonians”) had decisively lost.

The Harmonians’ ire seemed to have been pretty evenly split between J.K. Rowling -- who they felt had let them down -- and the R/Hr and H/G shippers (a.k.a. “Herons” and “Chocolateers,” respectively, though I’m not sure anyone actually used those terms for themselves; they appear to have been given from without), who were taking a victory lap. Depending on one’s perspective, this was either a long-overdue celebration by two groups of shippers who’d faced the fandom’s ire for approximately 5 years and were now vindicated, or it was the tactless gloating of sore losers who were thrilled to get one over on their hated enemies. Either way, tensions were no lower just because canon had decided the victors, and the battleground seemed to shift from the books to the movies -- where shippers of all kinds were in debate over which romance would win out onscreen.

Enter Emerson Spartz, a teenager in charge of one of the most popular fansites at the time and king of creating controversy . . . who had very strong opinions about shipping, and Harmonians in particular.

The Inciting Incident

Emerson had already incited the ire of Harmonians by calling them “delusional” in an infamous interview with J.K. Rowling. The wound was still raw, having come shortly after the release of Half-Blood Prince, and in some circles Emerson was already Public Enemy #1.

Therefore, when Emerson was one of two “anti”-Harmonians interviewed in a San Francisco Chronicle article about the shipping wars, some fans cried foul.

More responses can be found in a summary of the incident here, but personal favorites include a letter sent to the author of the SF Chronicle piece:

The majority of Harry/Hermione shippers are not merely upset that we didn't get what we wanted in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. That makes us sound childish. While I'm forced to admit that there has been much bile and vitriol posted on various H/Hr shipping sites, the majority of us are reasonable people. What really hurt our feelings was the way the Mugglenet/TLC article made it seem as if J. K. Rowling herself felt we were really dense, missing her "anvil-sized clues." Emerson's subsequent "apology" for the harsh words directed at the Harry/Hermione 'shipper community was a non-apology, which you [the author of the SFC article] would have known if you had done more than just take his word that he apologized. He simply used the "apology" as an opportunity to issue another dig. I suppose not much better can be expected from a child of 18 who has suddenly become a bit of a celebrity. But I do expect better from a colleague; a professional writer. ...

You have assisted one side of the argument and failed to represent the other. Did you attempt to interview the webmasters of any Harry/Hermione shipping sites or did you merely cut and paste posts that were pointed out to you by Emerson and Melissa? Your article shows no evidence that you made any attempt to give the other side equal time, so to speak, and as a result, you have contributed to the perceprtion [sic] that ALL H/Hr 'shippers are irrational, bitter, spoiled brats. And that's quite unfair. (Hughes, 2005, paras. 13 & 18)

Or this comment in a Harmonian forum by a disappointed reader: 

History is written by the victorius [sic] (or something like that), isn't it how the saying goes?. I'm afraid we are witnessing it firsthand. Herons feel they are the winners on this war, and as such, they feel they have a right to treat us anyway they want to, and they think we have no weapons to defend ourselves since even J.K seems to have sided with them. Even if most of us are pretty reasonable people, at this point anything we say in regards of J.K's apparent disregard for our feelings (thoughts, opinions, whatever), will be gladly taken as the lashing out of sore losers. ::sigh:: I say, just ignore Emerson, he's just some lost kid desperate for attention. And how good can the guy who wrote this article be if he didn't bother to check the facts before he went slandering us?, not much me thinks. (Remolina, 2005, para. 21)

These responses, while perhaps silly or overblown, were not enough to make history. That honor belonged to a Harmonian going by the username Panther.

How, one might wonder?

The Blowout

Ya know, come to think of it, people like Emerson were probably the kinda people that started slavery. I mean, think about it, they thought the slaves were animals, just because they had different colored skin. Emerson thinks we're stupid and delusional for having different beliefs. Get the similarities here, people? Now, I'm not black, but boy, do I feel for the black people. If I lived in the 1800's, I wouldn't keep slaves, and if someone has a difference of opinion than me now, that's fine, believe what you want. (Panther, 2005, paras. 23-25)

The reaction was immediate and explosive from Panther’s fellow Harmonians. Some understood and empathized with Panther’s view; they saw it as a bit hyperbolic, but agreed with the underlying point being made.

I can see where they were going with this...a different analogy would probably have been better. Maybe the religious persecution during Mary Tudor's reign, or the Salem Witch Hunt/Trials, the religous [sic] crusades, the wars in Bosnia etc. We harmonians are being "persecuted" for our differening viewpoints/perspectives. (Anndee Granger, 2005, paras. 30-32)

The belief that H/Hr shippers were being persecuted for their beliefs was a pervasive one, and extended to fans, Emerson and other fandom “authorities,” and the author herself.

No, what we are experiencing is not at the same extreme level because of the world we now live in, but the base level is still the same. The base level taking us back to different beliefs and views without the ability to be heard in the correct manner, and yes it does feel like a form of persecution. (*Under your Skin, 2005, paras. 36-37)

While not on the same level as slavery, the intolerance of their ship did call to mind other examples of discrimination and bigotry:

Of course no one is dying because of this, but all in all we are being persecuted for our different beliefs. "Bloody" Mary Tudor, killed Protestants because she so hated their different views on Christ. This is an extreme indeed, but the mentality behind it, the vitrol [sic], is the same. (Andee Granger, 2005, para. 38)

This extreme point of view, while widespread, was not universal among the Harmonians. Many of them were . . . understandably appalled by the comment and those agreeing with it:

No wonder other people find it easy to portray us as reactionary and vicious. Some of you bloody well are. (jane99, 2005, para. 43)

I agree that it is very vicious and out in left field . . . Slavery was an oppressive movement for hundreds of years, resulting in the deaths of millions. I would hardly regard that with 'shipper treatment, nowadays. However, the schoolyard bully is a very appropriate analogy, in my opinion. Hopefully you understand the difference. (myrhlyn, 2005, para. 52)

The Response

NarcissaM brought the subject to the outside world by posting it in fandom_wank -- a defunct LiveJournal specializing in fandom drama, which now exists primarily in archives -- and the result was universally disbelief and amusement. The responses ranged from insightful, if crass, commentary . . .

Emerson did not kill your dog, tell you that Santa wasn't real, and touch you in your swimsuit areas. And the more I read the more I'm convinced that H/Hr fans aren't angry because what he said was insulting, they're angry because what he said was *accurate*. (iczer6)

I'm also wondering where keeping slaves was a matter of, y'know, people having different beliefs, and not the subjugation of an entire culture by another which had more money and more powerful weapons, and needed a lot of manual labor but didn't want to pay for it. (slackerbitch)

To good old-fashioned sarcasm and snark:

That's not the stupidest thing I've ever read, but it's in the top five. (Anonymous)

That's right. There is a conspiracy, Hermionians! The world is against you and want to take a shit on all your fan fiction! XD (Anonymous “Mary”)

QUICKLY! SOMEBODY CALL A WAAAAAHBULANCE! WE HAVE INTERNET PERSECUTION! (aerobot)

F_W, known for good and ill as a site that takes nothing seriously except the desire to laugh at themselves and especially others, took the slavery comment and ran with it:

So how much does a healthy H/Hr fan with good teeth go for these days? (xero-sky)

Which H/Hr's are in the big house and which ones are working in the fields? ... We didn't land on Plymouth rock, Plymouth rock landed on us! *throws up the fist* (prettyveela)

If we're going to start enslaving delusional people, I want to start with the scientologists. Who's with me? (ladybirdsleeps)

Big Daddy Heron:*hits the H/Hr fan with a whip* Your ship name is H/Hr, H/Hr! Say it! H/Hr shipper: H-Harmony (sewingmyfish)

Bully for the slaves! In fact they would have been sooo much better off if all we 21st century people could trade places with the whites that lived back then. Not only could we tell them to get a life, none of us would have kept slaves! (chief)

You know, just like slaves, they have to work out in the hot sun for no wages and be beaten and whipped and raped and sold like cattle deal with an author not writing the fictional pairing they wanted. (slackerbitch)

Mere hours after the controversy was reported to F_W, a user named ahiru created some icons to celebrate the controversy:

And with some more chuckles about the inherent ridiculousness of such a claim, the fandom and its onlookers dropped the subject.

For a few months.

The Aftermath

In November 2005, some users rediscovered the icons made by ahiru and found them insensitive and racist. This is immediately reported to F_W not once but twice, and the folks there were no longer entertained, responding with less amusement than outright hostility. A couple of F_Wankers understood to at least some extent why there might be people who didn’t love the icons, though they did generally come down on the side of parody and feel those upset were missing the point of the joke. A lot of F_Wankers were upset about political correctness and free speech, and were eager to point out the oppression faced by other groups of people.

Someone anonymous entered the fray with racist guns blazing, and was summarily eviscerated by gleeful F_Wankers.

After that, the dust settled, and all was quiet on the fandom front . . . at least, until the next inevitable disaster.

Further Reading

The Interview that sparked the Emerson outrage

An offshoot of Harmony that believes in Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson’s undeniable chemistry and romance

A collection of Harmonian controversies, 2006-2010

Other HP controversies

[politesper-moved]

the  more  information  itsuki  has  the  more  dangerous  he  is ,  i  think .  whether  or  not  he’s  a  threat  or  plans  to  make  himself  a  threat  in  the  future  is  unknown ,  but  talking  to  him  is  a  risk .  he’s  very  talented  at  picking  up  on  things ,  even  the  tiniest  slivers  of  information .  as  asahina  the  elder  has  said :  “ you’re  ( itsuki )  simply  too  clever .  a  single  careless  word  from  me  could  become  ten  words’  worth  of  information  for  you . “

seriously  though ,  that  whole  exchange  says  more  about  him  then  anything  else  we’ve  gotten  before .  i’m  analyzing  the  entire  thing  under  this  cut .

(  “  asahina - san ,  from  your  perspective ,  we  haven’t  had  an  encounter  in  some  time ,  correct ?  “

“  that’s  probably  true .  “  asahina  the  elder’s  face  bloomed  in  as  beatific  a  smile  as  koizumi  could  ever  manage .  like  a  witness  who’d  just  noticed  a  prosecutor’s  leading  question .  “  i  can’t  tell  you  anything ,  koizumi .  you’re  a  highly  dangerous  person ,  even  among  people  of  the  past .  there  are  things  that  even  i  am  prohibited  from  doing .  but  no ,  even  if  it  were  something  i  could  say ,  by  my  own  judgement  i  wouldn’t .  you’re  simply  too  clever .  a  single  careless  word  from  me  could  become  ten  words’  worth  of  information  to  you .  i’d  love  to  reminisce  with  you ,  though .  that  is  the  truth .  “  )

firstly ,  we  can  see  that  asahina  regards  him  cautiously .  she  doesn’t  confirm  is  suspicions ,  hence  the  word  “ probably “ .  she  doesn’t  want  him  to  know  how  long  it  has  been .  then ,  she  mimics  his  smile ,  what  itsuki  does  when  he’s  hiding  things .  i  wonder  if  adult  asahina  picked  that  habit  up  from  him ,  seeing  how  often  she  shoots  kyon  kind  smiles .

she  explicitly  is  stating  she  doesn’t  trust  itsuki ,  and  doesn’t  want  him  to  know  anything  about  her  or  her  circumstances .  the  only  things  she  would want  to  discuss  with  him  are  what  he  would  already  know .  things  from  their  shared  past .

(  “  i quite  understand .  those  words  are  enough  for  me .  you’ve  told  me  what  i  am ,  and  how  i’m  viewed  in  the  future .  even  if  that  was  fake ,  it  amounts  to  the  same  thing .  i’ll  do  my  own  information  analysis .  above  all ,  i  should  thank  you ,  asahina - san .  thanks  to  you  coming  here  i’ve  understood  what  it  is  i  need  to  do .  the  fact  that  you’ve  appeared  in  front  of  me  is  quite  extraordinary .  which  means  that  i’m  going  to  face  that  extraordinary  thing  myself  too .  you  could  not  face  what’s  going  to  happen  alone ;  you  must  need  my  power .  no ,  not  only  my  power ---  suzumiya - san’s  power  too .  am  i  wrong ? “  )

immediately  itsuki  dissects  her  words .  he  really  is  the  over  analtical  type ,  but  it  works  in  his  favor .  he  knows  he’s  regarded  as  dangerous  in  the  future  now ,  if  asahina  was  lying  it  wouldn’t  matter  because  there  would  be  no  reason  to  lie  to  him  or  avoid  telling  him  information  if  it  wasn’t  in  some  sense  true  that  he  couldn’t  be  trusted  with  even  tiny  tidbits  about  the  future .  this  just  further  pushes  the  idea  that  there’s  genuine  tension  between  mikuru  and  itsuki  even  in  the  present .

(  “  asking  questions  you  already  know  the  answers  to  is  an  interesting  hobby .  i  felt  this  way  before ,  but  even  so . . .  koizumi ,  out  of  all  the  stc  data ,  you  truly  are  an  irreplaceable  individual .  that’s  why  you  were  invited  into  the  sos  brigade .  you  were  chosen  by  suzumiya .  “  )

it  is  a  strange  hobby ,  isn’t  it ?  another  push  to  towards  the  fact  that  he’s  less  ignorant  than  he  appears  to  be .  i  have  a  feeling  that  a  lot  of  questions  itsuki  asks  people  are  purely  rhetorical .  also  noting  we  don’t  know  that  STC  data  stands  for  still ,  but  personally  i  believe  it  means  “space  time  constant”  data .  since  that  seems  to  make  the  most  sense .

again ,  references  to  being  chosen  by  suzumiya .  looks  like  it  wasn’t  just  kyon  after  all ,  but  all  of  them .  but  we  been  knew  that .

(  “  i’ve  become  aware  of  that ,  yes .  at  first  i  only  half  believed  it ,  and  explained  it  away  as  the  product  of  happenstance ,  but  i  no  longer  doubt  it .  i  am  part  of  the  sos  brigade .  as  is  nagato ,  and  your  younger  self .  so  what  about  you ,  the  grown - up  asahina - san ?  what  did  you  learn  when  you  returned  to  the  future ?  why  have  you  come  back  to  this  past ,  or  are  you  merely  here  to  interfere  with  your  former  self ? please ,  explain  your  position  to  me .  “   )

a  contrast  to  back  when  he  said  that  he ,  mikuru ,  or  nagato  could  be  replaced  while  kyon  couldn’t .  it  proves  that  itsuki  is  growing  in  his  views  of  the  situation  as  he  gets  information .  his  understanding  changes  and  thus  he  changes  his  views .  i  find  it  interesting ,  since  he  is  also  very  inflexible  in  his  beliefs .  he’s  once  again  a  walking  contradiction .  sometimes  i  wonder  if  he’s  just  pranking  us .

as  always ,  itsuki’s  first  goal  in  conversing  with  someone  is  to  get  information  out  of  them .  if  he  is  not  giving  information  himself  he  would  like  to  be  receiving  it .  i  find  it  also  interesting  to  note  that  he  doesn’t  seem  to  fully  grasp  the  time  traveler’s  goals  and  mikuru’s  role  specifically  in  all  of  this .

(  “  what  if  i  said  it  was . . .  classified  information .  “

“  i  would  not  be  surprised .  i’m  sure  if  i  went  back  to  the  past ,  and  the  inhabitants  there  asked  me  that  question ,  i  would  tell  them  the  same  thing .  however ---  “  koizumi’s  keen  eyes  regarded  fujiwara  and  asahina  the  elder  equally  piercingly ---  “  i  would  ask  you  not  to  underestimate  the  humans  of  the  past .  we  are  not  so  very  foolish ,  you  see .  i  won’t  go  as  far  to  say  this  aplies  to  all  humanity ,  but  humans  deeply  concerned  with  the  future  certainly  do  exist . “

i  was  surprised  by  the  sight  of  an  aggressive  edge  to  koizumi’s  gaze  that  i’ve  never  seen  before .  )

itsuki  also  mentions  that  he  would  hide  information  from  the  past  if  he  was  from  the  future .  he  can  understand  things  being  classified  and  probably  already  relates  to  the  idea  of  withholding  information  from  others .  he  actually  gets  upset ,  at  both  of  the  time  travelers  in  the  room .  he  believes  that  people  of  the  future  see  people  from  the  past  as  inferior  and  itsuki  refuses  to  be  underestimated  by  the  likes  of  them .  his  group  is  on  the  same  level  as  theirs ,  is  what  he’s  saying ,  despite  being  humans  from  the  current  time ---  arguably  the  ones  with  the  least  amount  of  information  and  a  severe  lack  of  technology  to  back  them  up  as  compared  to  the  future .  the  humans  he  describes  are  the  organization ,  and  he  even  makes  a  point  to  seperate  them  from  the  rest  of  humanity .

(  “  little  by  little  i’ve  come  to  understand  this ,  thanks  to  all  the  commmotion  that  various  aliens  have  caused .  suzumiya - san’s  ability . . .  the  ability  to  change  reality ---  it’s  not  permanent ,  is  it ?  it’s  not  that  it  weakens  with  use ,  but  it’s  not  something  she  will  possess  forever . eventually  it  will disappear .  am i  wrong ? “ 

“  well . . .  “  asahina  said ,  obviously  attempting  to  evade  the  question .  )

this  is  interesting ,  because  itsuki  had  originally  said  back  in  melancholy  that  haruhi  was  god .  he  recognizes  that  it  is  not  100%  the  case ,  her  abilities  are  god-like ,  but  she  is  not  the  creator  or  allmighty  authority  over  this  world .  haruhi  being  god  was  simply  a  popular  theory  among  the  espers .

however ,  if  her  powers  are  temporary ,  that  means  that  there  is  no  way  that  she  will  hold  that  staus  forever .  asahina  seems  hesitant  to  answer  him  and  confirm  his  theory .  i  can’t  tell  if  this  is  because  she  knows  the  truth  and  is  trying  to  ensure  itsuki  doesn’t  find  out  or  if  she  doesn’t  want  to  feed  into  itsuki’s  views ,  but  i’m  assuming  the  former .

(  “  it’s  not  as  though  you’re  being  pressed  to  choose .  when  they  want  to  do  something ,  they  control  you  as  they  please ,  thereby  controlling  suzumiya .  the  power  she  has  can  even  be  transferred  to  another .  nagato  once  managed  to  do  something  similar ,  so  these  aliens  can  surely  do  likewise . “  )

i  believe  itsuki  is  referring  to  asahina’s  superiors with  that  first  bit .  i  appreciate  how  quickly  he  is  able  to  catch  on  despite  just  being  tossed  into  this  situation  on  a  whim .  we  gotta  remember  he  didn’t  get  all  this explained  to  him  like  kyon  had .  he’s  piecing  this  all  together  on  the  spot .

(  kuyoh  was  standing  there  like  a  wooden  statue ;  koizumi  shot  her  a  contemptuous  look .  “  it  may  be  presumptuous  of  me ,  but  there’s  something  i  simply  must  say .  so  i  shall . “  he  took  in  a  deep  breath ,  and  once  again  revealed  his  true  thoughts .  “  i’d  like  to  ask  you  not  to  underestimate  the  people  of  earth .  we’re  not  such  stupid  creatures  as  you  might  think .  regardless  of  what  the  data  integration  thought  entity  or  other  alien  intelligences  might  say ,  we’re  quite  clever  in  our  own  way .  at  the  very  least ,  there  are  those  among  us  who  strive  for  that . “  )

this  is  itsuki’s  defense .  a  defense  in  himself  as  well  as  a  defense  of  the  people  on  this  world .  he  may  not  be  nearly  on  the  same  powerlevel  of  these  extra  terrestrials ,  but  he  will  not  stand  by  and  be  underestimated .  he  knows  he  is  capable  of  great things ,  he  knows  he  is  smart ,  and  while  usually  he  would  laugh  these  things  off  and  humble  himself  here  we  get  a  true  glimsp  at  koizumi .  someone  who  is  self - aware ,  maybe  a  little  cocky ,  maybe  a  little  dramatic ,  but  someone  who  faces  adversity  head  on .  i  think  i’ll  finish  this  off  with  a  quote  of  his  i  found  intersting ,  as  itsuki  is  constantly  saying  he  is  tired  of  conflict  or wants  to  avoid  it ,  but  despite  that ---  “  on  the  surface ,  humans  seem  to  hate  conflict , but  in  reality  they  seek  it .  “

[godkilller]

@magical-girl-coral​​

So two questions - one, does Gin eventually use a prosthetic arm in the redemption au like Izuru? And two, where did the "Gin totally abused Izuru" story come from? Because I couldn't find any evidence of that.

          out of character.  I’ll start off by saying thanks for the message !  I always appreciate seeing new faces in my inbox, especially when they’re tossin’ me challenging or otherwise worldbuilding questions. That said, I don’t want anyone to get the idea that I mean to police what Izuru’s headcanon for their character... however, I have had several experiences, as well as my partner during her time writing Gin, in which headcanons / fanon interpretations included Gin being a r/ap/ist to them and other upsetting material was forced onto us.

          Not only am I not comfortable with writing that material in general, I feel extremely more so when placed into that position, and I believe I would be understood with that approach. By mere roleplaying standards the whole ordeal can be ruled as godmodding, but there’s also a massive amount of pressure when writing a villain muse to be as detestable as possible so people’s hero muses can explore the coping, healing, and angst of being a victim. I’m happy to be villainous, Gin is not a protagonist regardless of the themes I explore with him, but I draw the line at depictions of sexual violence and other darker instances of abuse. I SHOULD NEVER FEEL EXPECTED TO WRITE MY OWN CHARACTER DOING THINGS I DO NOT WANT TO WRITE HIM DOING. I do not headcanon him as such, and I do not acknowledge other’s headcanons of such topics due to this extreme discomfort.

          I’m not here to say that Gin was absolutely wonderful to Izuru !  Because no, he wasn’t. Their relationship was doomed to become toxic by the end of it due to the nature of its creation. That last day of them together in which Momo and Izuru fight beneath Aizen’s fake dead body, and then the following hours afterwards up until the three traitors leave to Hueco Mundo... they’re awful. Izuru is rightfully distraught. Aizen crafted himself and his two trusted subordinates the perfect lieutenants for them to control. He took Momo, known for her massive idolization of him, and Tousen took Hisagi, who would obey without question, and Gin took Izuru, a man who suffers great insecurities. Each one was destined to be manipulated, and manipulation is a form of abuse.

          That aside, Izuru’s insecurities are present before he even knew Gin. Like it or not, the traitor did NOT create Izuru’s instability, his mental-illness coded breakdown, nor did he delight in Izuru’s suffering  ( unless people want to tell me that Gin grinning indicates he was amused, when in actuality the whole point of Gin’s grin is to be unreadable, thus almost 99% of the time it’s implied FAKE, a mask, so like... is he amused, or are people just taking his smile at face value? )  Gin IS guilty of enabling Izuru’s dependency on him, his blind obedience and trust. GIN COULD HAVE LET IZURU DOWN IN PREPARATIONAL WAYS PRE-BETRAYAL, AND MAKE THIS FIERCE LOYALTY HIS LIEUTENANT HAD LESS CATASTROPHIC WHEN IT WAS FINALLY BROKEN.

          If Izuru had been abused by Gin so regularly pre-betrayal, there would have inevitably been a clicking moment in his head going ‘ah, yes, I knew it, he was rotten all along!’ but no, Gin was canonly described as a great captain to the Third Division, and that’s what makes the betrayal to Izuru hurt him all the more; HE WASN’T, ACTUALLY, BAD. It takes having a good thing for the subsequent back-stabbing to ache. Gin went, within 24 hours, from being Izuru’s beloved captain to his enemy, and all in between he was asked to do things he felt, at later times, immense regret over doing. That’s the impact Gin had, and it doesn’t matter how good he was prior to that day / night. That’s the hurt I’d like to explore with the two characters, and the possible route towards healing that we may venture for if the mun is comfortable.

          So yes, the fanon interpretation that Izuru was abused for years and years underneath Gin is one I feel is false, or at the very least largely misinterpreted. The events of the betrayal leading to Rukia’s execution highlight the worst Izuru went through in terms of his relationship with Gin. I’d love to one day delve into that wound, and find what these characters need to grow beyond that darker time. Gin certainly felt no pride in what he did, and his canon last words pertaining to Izuru ring true for myself too: I’m just glad he’s doing alright.

          And to take the edge off, now I’ll reply to your FIRST question swbedhrfjmk. I think Gin’s not very open to ‘solutions’ or aid given to him post-Winter War. He, like Yamamoto, kind of accepts his injury as a punishment  ( though, Yamamoto rejects healing / aid as a point of pride and stubbornness )  because Gin feels he doesn’t deserve the help. It’s also a rant I’ve posted before where disabled or hurt characters, especially in Bleach, are often slapped a bandaid on and fixed instantly because Tite seems to be allergic to lingering wounds and trauma and the idea that a disability should instantly be dealt with via magic breaks the illusion of there being ANY sort of consequence for ones actions. The concept of immediately healing back Gin’s arm turns me off, to be honest, because it erases that pain and that failure, as well as narratively gives any disabled person the middle finger.

          Story-wise, the only character I believe capable to negate Aizen’s massive reiatsu imprint on Gin would need to work at it for days to get past its black hole-esque nature of not letting her heal the injury, and also... Orihime, unless written and developed otherwise, should not ever feel that she needs to heal someone who took part in holding her captive within Las Noches, a very traumatizing time for a young girl. GIN DOESN’T FEEL LIKE HE’S WORTH HER TIME, NOR DOES HE WANT TO ASK. He’s not even good at asking for help with Rangiku, so he sure as hell isn’t going to walk up to this poor kid and tell her to heal him.

          I know Kukaku also has a prosthetic limb, and Izuru too down the line, so the option is probably more doable than Gin getting his arm back magically... but until he’s OFFERED help, and maybe even forcibly so, he’s hell-bent on rejecting it based on a self-sabotaging belief that he needs to accept this as punishment and move on all the same. Gin makes peace with the injury later down the line within Redemption Verse, and no longer sees the missing limb as a consequence... just a reminder to be better, to stay.

[juleswolverton-hyde]

The Castle on the Hill Chapter 1: Hyde

Genre: Smut, Romance, Fluff, Thriller, Werewolf AU

Pairing: Werewolf!Bangchan x Reader

Warnings: No warnings apply

Summary: Superstition is as powerful as religion, especially to those living in the countryside. Nevertheless, the sole outsider in town fully joins in the belief of the Last Warden of the North and is insistent on protecting the only girl who accepts him yet refutes the local lore.

However, there is something in the castle on the hill.

And it hungers for something in the village below.

Someone.

You.

Author’s Note: Hello,

Indeed, I am still very much alive but have been extremely busy with university and my job. However, now that the holidays are coming up and I am on my Christmas break, I have a wee bit o’ time to write leisurely again.

I came up with this tale when I was in Cardiff in November, strolling around Bute Park and thinking of ‘Castle on the Hill’ by Ed Sheeran. And, let us be honest, I was thinking of Chan as well (though that should not come as a surprise at this point).

Regardless, hopefully you will enjoy this wee trilogy.

Forever yours,

The Red Raven

Hyde / The Marriage of Man and Beast / Jekyll

Masterlist

Religion is a form of superstition, but just as powerful as the latter for it has ruled mankind in equal amounts, co-existing yet often the cause for war as well. In contemporary times, however, the belief in all folkloric creatures seems to have faded into a case for a good laugh rather than truly believing death will come at hearing the wail of a banshee or swearing the ghost of the black nun continues to haunt the ruins of the friary at which entrance she is buried. Withal, the faith in a particular mythological being has been altered time and again thanks to pop culture but, perhaps fortunately so, the origins of the legend remain remembered vividly by the people who inhabit the area the tale stems from.

The golden sunlight outlines the ruins of the majestic castle that once graced the hill outside the park, mustard and amber leaves littering the pathways frequented by strollers while the weather still permits it. Soon, winter shall conquer autumn and the rains increase in frequency. Henceforth, the days running a small café in the middle of the park is enjoyed the most when all is grand, the world frozen in a perfect seasonal frame.

‘You’re either immensely stupid or incredibly brave to run this establishment, lass.’ A cup of steaming black coffee is served to the wise old man living around the corner of the recreational ground, the white brick worker’s house providing a view on the scenery that everyone seems to fear even in the twenty-first century. Always up for conversation, Paidraigh has helped a novice independent entrepreneur almost flawlessly continue the business formerly run by one of the local women who had to stop due to health issues. He might look like a grumpy soul despising the world, but the stout figure with wise wrinkles and bushy pale beard is actually one of the kindest people residing in the wee village. 

‘How do you mean that, sir?’

‘Have ye nay heard o’ the wolf inhabiting the castle?’

‘I have heard the whispers of strange sounds coming from the ruins at night, aye, but I am sure it’s nothing to worry about.’

‘The word’s it’s a wolf, the spirit of the fierce Last Warden of the North to whom the castle once belonged. It’s said that once he entered the battlefield, all that would be left o’ the enemies were bloody carcasses. As if eaten by, ye guessed it, a wolf.’ Kind stone irises gain a wary glint once they wander to the edge of the sandstone terrace, noticing the heavy boot fall of the town’s most recent inhabitant. ‘Speak of the Devil and he shall appear.’

‘Paddy, don’t be mean. Drink your coffee and leave the lad be, alright?’ A palm amiably pats a broad shoulder before tucking the serving plate under the armpit and heading back to the counter to take a new order.

And likely do more than that, knowing the newcomer.

‘Alright, fine. Just watch yersel’ around him. One wolf is more than enough for this village.’

‘Hiya, how are you?’ Before the habitual order can be placed with as few words as possible, attention is called to the deep scarlet scar running over the bridge of a big nose. ‘What did you do to get that?’

‘Bar fight.’ A soft smile is laboriously carved onto roseate lips, likely albeit clearly suppressing the memory of the scene causing the physical damage. Nevertheless, once gazes lock, the hatred is actively tried to be kept to a bare minimum and show a friendly side the reclusive does not always reveal to anyone. ‘An americano, please.’

Without speaking further, the beverage is prepared. However, as the coffee machine is buzzing while freshly grinding beans to create a perfectly brewed medium roast, the first-aid supplies stored in a cupboard beneath the counter are sought out and taken alongside the drink to the outside of the little booth. Of course, it could have been slid to the customer immediately through the window but it simply happened to unnecessarily be carried as well.

‘Here’s your americano.’ Sitting down on the empty stool across from the silent force looking on in surprise while maintaining a friendly though slightly tired tone, fingers search among the medical care items for the disinfectant and a cotton pad. The frustration wants to be kept to a minimum but it is hard to do so when this very same scene keeps repeating itself and fuels the bad image the villagers have of, in their eyes, a stranger.

Bruises and open wounds thanks to fights that were either started by one’s own volition or after provocation.

Cuts thanks to carving the wooden pillars dotting the grand park, curiously staying close to the little café and helping out at times by remaining on the grand lawn regardless of how many meters need to be bridged to get the new piece of art where it belongs.

‘I’m fine.’ The remark is clearly meant to dismiss the caregiving yet results in all but that since physical damage, no matter of what nature and source, do ignite a genuine worry for the local woodcarver.

Although the habitual resorting to sarcasm protects sincere emotions from showing. Nonetheless, it is helpful in chastising, never failing to eventually get Christopher to look like a guilty puppy while patching him up. ‘And I’m the Queen of Sheba. You strained yer knuckles too much and now they’re bleeding again.’

‘It’s but a scratch.’

‘Is what the Black Knight said before he got annihilated by King Arthur. Give me your hand, you eejit.’

‘Y/N, it’s fine.’

‘No, it’s fecking not.’ A deep sigh lowers tense shoulders admitting that stubbornness will lead nowhere and thus take a soft-spoken yet still genuine approach. ‘I just want to help. Please, give me your hand.’

Howbeit reluctant, the damaged calloused palm nevertheless reaches out and comes to rest in a concerned lap as small digits wrap lightly around the wrist to keep it in place. ‘Thank you.’

The bystanders are ignored as the fresh ugly patches of broken skin are taken care of, taking great care to clean the wounds properly before bandaging them up. Withal, what cannot be ignored is the low threatening growl rolling from plush lips with every touch of disinfecting cotton. ‘Excuse me?’

‘Sorry. It’s just that, grm, it really fucking hurts.’ Teeth grit, snarls and hisses alternating with the light dabs as irises shoot invisible daggers. The free hand which has yet to be treated moulds into a trembling fist trying to remain static despite the agony.

‘Then maybe you shouldn’t get into fights in the first place. What even was it about?’ The damage has been cleaned enough to apply an ointment and bandage the harmed knuckles, gaining the same feral reaction as before.

Notwithstanding, the silence is filled by wordlessness and primal noises, igniting an irritation at the deduction the chastisement is ignored in stubbornness. However, the assumption is counteracted when a whisper provides a muttered surprising answer that fuels a novel sort of annoyance in the mocha locks sitting on the stool. ‘Someone insulted you.’

No, it is not irritation.

Rage.

Pure fury, barely contained.

‘Me? Why?’ Puzzled by the confusing display of hatred against an absent party, locks tilt in patient curiosity waiting for the story.

‘It wasn’t really an insult. Just men drunkenly talking about how they’d show up here to surprise you and you’d be the girlfriend of one of theirs and how lucky you’d be with one of them.’ The split bottom lip is caught between pearly teeth, nibbling while trying to regain a calmer composure even though it is hard when the second set of broken skin is about to be treated. ‘I couldn’t- couldn’t, fuck, that stings! I couldn’t stand the arrogant, hrm, tone and nonsense so I... I just lost it. Snapped.’

‘Christopher-’ The imminent correcting in spite of secretly being flattered by the reason that likely holds no meaning whatsoever since there is more of a patient-nurse relationship is cut short by a low snigger. ‘Hey, why are you smiling like that?’

‘I just like the way you say my name.’ Bright earthly irises set above a big nose marred by a scar likely inflicted by a knife blade are humoured, the sentiment filtering through in the gentle curve of plush lips. The playful aura makes the woodcarver appear quite boyish, a stark contrast with the pub brawler the village has cast out from the beginning.

‘Well, it’s yours, aye?’ Heated cheeks faking casualness return to the task of taking care of the other damaged hand, trying badly to ignore the sweet smile now vividly engraved into memory.

Keep it together. It means nothing. You’re more his nurse than anything else. You’re just friends, if there is any friendship at all. He simply trusts you.

‘Yeah, but-’

‘And I’m sure I don’t say it any differently than any other person.’

‘Still, I like- fuck!’ A giggle flows over into a curse when the bandage is tugged perhaps a bit too tightly to nevertheless teach the lesson of not getting into fights as often as one does. A pleased little grin cannot be suppressed, hiding the delight at the hopefully effective teaching method that will lessen the scene which is exhaustingly re-enacted over and over.

‘If you didn’t get into fights, I wouldn’t have to keep patching you up and you wouldn’t have to deal with the pain.’ A new cotton pad is soaked in disinfectant while throwing a cautious glance in Paddy’s direction, the old man’s lips tightly sealed as grey whiskers move ever so slightly in discomfort.

‘He doesn’t like me.’ A sombre self-aware tone sneaks into lowered defeated shoulders turned towards the old cod, gaze softening in powerlessness.

‘That’s not true.’ The seemingly misplaced remark pulls the young man’s attention, head slightly tilting to the side while irises remain strangely heart-wrenchingly grave.

If only they could know you the way I do.

‘Y/N,’ the powerful mere word is spoken as if surrender is not an option, that the truth of being disliked has to be admitted even though it does not want to be, ‘It’s obvious. Everyone’s afraid of me.’

‘The only thing they’re really scared of is the wolf up in the castle.’ Mocking local superstition, a sigh rolls from the lips setting to work on the carmine single cut running over the nose. There is no resistance this time, Christopher moving, in fact, to the edge of the stool for better access and to make cleaning the scar easier. ‘Guess I’ll hear the same uselessly worried whispers again from the customers tomorrow.’

A hand rests leisurely on the thigh for support, but is taken to come to rest on the brawler’s cheek and kept there, a content hum filling the air scented by coffee and cologne. Lashes flutter shut as mocha locks lean into the touch, almost as if falling asleep right here and now. It would be a lie to say the display does not spread an odd fuzzy warmth throughout, especially when memories of healing up close, observing wood being carved from a distance or problems with difficult people were solved in the same proximity as now resurface. 

Unfortunately, the delightful image is disrupted a second later for the jaw clenches as a low beastly rumble rises from a broad chest trying hard to remain casual as the disinfectant once again stings in the stupidly acquired cut. Irises light up in an amber flash, bearing a terrifying violent hatred that calms down immediately upon establishing a bit of distance that nullifies the intimacy. A confused heart does not know what to make of it, only that the rage that surfaced as rapidly as it disappeared never wants to be directed towards oneself. 

Still, a normal question is raised in an odd undefinable manner that rises from the fearsome wolfish attitude, voice sounding apologetical and clearly wanting to move past something as digits vaguely reach out but drop restlessly in ignorance of what to do. ‘Are you staying open much longer?’

The throat is cleared to regain composure, hardy succeeding yet enough to answer as if nothing happened. ‘Till six, as usual.’ The resumed dabbing briefly stops at the notice of an uneasy shift in weight, a panic without direct cause causing the action. ‘Why do you ask?’

Bandaged hands awkwardly occupy one another in futile twirling of cared-for fingers as the tongue staring at the sandstone is hesitant to voice what suddenly has become urgent. ‘Can you close earlier?’

‘I could but why would I?’ Feigning not having taken notice in the change of demeanour, the last straws are laid in nursing the bloody scar. The palm leaning on the knee of mocha locks, put there in an unconscious move after pulling up the unresisting chin for better access, does seem to calm the nerves somewhat as the regulation of breathing suggests.

When applying the ointment, it is entirely regular and a sigh is relieved with the company.

Only to speed up again when worriedly mentioning the legend that has the entire village spooked even in the twenty-first century. ‘The wolf.’

‘Christopher, don’t you get started as well. There’s no wolf in the castle, no spirit of the Last Warden of the North.’ Shuffling to the edge of the stool, something is attempted to be done about the split lip which has started bleeding again. ‘Your lip is bleeding. Sit still for a wee bit, will ye?’

Calloused fingers wrap firmly around the wrist reaching out after soaking a new dot of cotton in disinfectant, earthly irises ablaze with superstitious concern flowing over in pleading speech. ‘Please close the café before it gets dark.’

‘Look, it’s my business so I decide the opening hours.’ Budging results in nothing but a firmer, even painful grip. Withal, knowing the novel local woodcarver, panic does not set in as it would have had it been anyone else. Still, a meaningless glance sideways is picked up by Paddy as something which does hold significance, the stout old man already rising from his seat when a quick denying nod assures all is well. The command is tranquil yet effectively fierce. ‘Chris, let me go. You’re hurting me.’

As swift as lightning, digits unravel upon hearing the response and move away to create a distance filled by curious emotions that would hint at an intimacy going beyond what is truly present. ‘I’m sorry, he- we didn’t mean to... I- I mean, I didn’t mean to… to...’ A shivering sigh precedes a steadier repeated request, trying to move past the incident while remaining clearly doubtfully calculating of words and actions. ‘Y/N, please. Please close before it gets dark. We don’t- I want you to be safe.’

We? He? Why are you talking like this?

‘I’ll be regardless because there’s no ghost or monster that will slink down the hill to devour me.’ The remark tries to be amusingly sarcastic but it has no effect on the outcast whose grave expression does not change, continuing to stare remorsefully at the red band around the wrists.

The shaking fingers holding soft cotton meant for healing.

Yet ends up hurting.

‘Even if you don’t believe my reason nor the villagers’, close early.’ Lashes are brave enough to look up, keep up the pleading despite being refused over and over.

Maybe I should... no, what am I getting at. It’s just a story, a myth.

‘Can we stop talking about this?’ A palm finds the courage to rise and endeavour to nurse the split lip anew. ‘Sit still and let me help you.’

But soon retracts in heart-pounding concern when unspoken consent flinches as bodies come a wee bit closer to make it easier. ‘Are you alright?’

‘Yeah. Yeah, I am. Ehm,’ mocha locks confusedly and haphazardly glance around the terrace, questioning eyes flitting over the customers as a quite adorable big nose sniffs the air before leaning in to take a whiff, ‘Are you wearing perfume?’

‘No, why?’ The head buzzes with what to think of the weird gesture and unanswered inquiries about how the sudden change of topic has come about alongside the earlier talk in the third person. Brows furrow in wonder of the easiest topic for contemplation since perfume is fairly ineffective if unnecessary for the scent of coffee replaces the function on a daily basis.

‘Oh. Well- You- Never mind.’ A shadow movement forward remains just that, a hallucination without certainty. What is real, however, is the rapidity to get up and turn halfway away yet having the politeness to end the conversation by an unsettling awkward look over the shoulder. ‘I should go finish that pillar.’

‘But... your coffee?’ Christoper is already gone before the sentence can be finished, a gobsmacked offended finger pointing to the cooled cup on the counter containing liquid cold. In an instant, likely due to the great offence taken at letting such a precious gift to mankind waste away, the confusion of the chaotic farewell turns into a barista’s rage directed towards the woodcarver who has fled the scene. ‘The bastard just left the coffee to cool? That barbarian!’

The key turns in the lock, definitely closing business for the day. The moonlight falls in through the autumn leaves, casting moving shadows enhancing the dark of the dusk which has overtaken the quiet town. In the slightly clouded sky, the moon shines bright and illuminates the ruined haunted castle on the hill.

Y/N, please. Please close before it gets dark. We don’t- I want you to be safe.

‘I am completely fine. There’s nothing out here to get me. Also, who is ‘’we’’?’ Jeering strands shake in partial self-mockery at the brief spark of fear quickly running through veins at the recollection of the wish spoken in an oddly worried tone, foolishly spooked by mere folklore. ‘And here I thought you and I were the only sane people around, Chris. Guess it’s just me.’

After a final tug on the doorknob to ensure the place is neatly closed off until the dawn, sneakers start their wading path among the fallen mustard and ruby leaves that have been shaded a hue of onyx, tiger’s eye or plum in the twilight. The wind has calmed from its fierce mannerisms, now only softly blowing among the trees densely planted in the great park.

Carrying the sound of a low rumble as it smoothes over branches.

A snarl.

In the twilight silence another disconcerting noise resonates between carved pillars and trunks.

Padding.

A faint tinkling.

Of iron.

Shackles.

No, I must be hearing things. His and Paddy’s words are just getting to my head. There’s nothing. Nothing.

Withal, the bright amber lights are no will-o’-the-wisps and the appearing fur does not appear in the adorable shape of a squirrel. There is not the faintest trace of innocence to be found in the extraordinary meeting between a gigantic wolf cuffed by a firm iron collar around its neck, the broken chain clinking loudly as it drags over the ground and creates a hideous symphony in combination with the violent low growls of the beast.

‘That’s not possible. There’s no Warden, no wolf. This isn’t real.’ Even as the words are spoken in the futile hope of regaining a sense of logic, the conviction is hardly there. In fact, it is entirely absent. ‘This isn’t happening.’

Nevertheless, the snarled warning tone is too near, the impact too tangible in nerves standing on edge in alarm to dismiss the current situation as mental trickery. Especially because the silver light reflecting off of dagger-sharp canines comes too close for comfort, sending raggedly breathing feet fleeing to the wee café a few meters away while silently praying to reach it alive.

However, every rush forwards paradoxically yields nothing to a panicked mind who can feel warm predatory breath heat the back of the brown leather jacket and slowly rise to the back of the neck. Mortified tears start to brim in the corners of the eyes, damnably obscuring vision at a time when errors cannot be made for one, be it stumbling over a fallen branch or temporarily slowing down, will mean the end.

Christopher, Paddy, I’m sorry I didn’t listen. Youse were right and I’m a feckin eejit. I’m sorry. Chris, I’m sorry.

Growling grows ever closer, whispering of there being no escape because paws shall at one point do more than brush against ankles.

Rampant fingers search the pockets of jeans, cursing while feeling around the fabric for the damned key to open the lock to the safe haven.

Sneakers halt in front of the inaccessible door, still searching.

The wolf has slowed down, no longer running yet not giving up the chase now that the helpless prey has been forced into a corner. Big paws as black as a starless sky in winter pad languidly, bright eyes the colour of the pumpkin spice latte that forms the seasonal special obviously finding joy in the hunting game.

In toying with a hopeless target.

One step forwards.

One step back.

To and fro.

I can’t turn my back on it. Still, I have to if I want to get into the damned café. What do I do? What the fuck do I do?

The shivering spine is frozen in place thanks to paralysis due to pure horror, though digits carefully and hopefully unnoticeable continue rummaging through pockets as they keep a close watch on the impending beastly enemy.

Where the fu- By Jaysus, there it is!

Tense shoulders lower slightly in relief when the key is found on the bottom of the right pocket, the brief second of peace of mind carrying over in an unconscious sweetly delighted sigh.

Which evidently triggers the haste to attack because the sadistic game of threats is cut short as the wolf lunges forwards at the speed of lightning.

Fortunately, sharp-fanged jaws are evaded just in time when the key is rammed into the lock, opening the blasted barrier before slamming the door shut and sealing it off once again. All the while cursing Heaven and Hell together.

Hastily, steps lead around the tiny kitchen in search of anything to barricade the door with. An effort which proves fairly futile as basically all equipment is installed in such a manner it cannot be moved and all tables and chairs are kept outside since thieves do not tend to take furniture when on a heist around here.

Or such is the sentiment with which they are stored outside.

Why, of all the times, did I store them outside? Why couldn’t I at least put one table and chair inside? There has to be something around here, there’s got to be.

The fierce longing finds a wonderful answer in the old yet glistening iron chain lock that the former owner of the establishment used before getting proper locks installed and which has been stored away in the back of one of the counters. Sneaking glances to the amber-eyed predatory shadow roaming the terrace through the window of the main counter, horrified palms reach for the sole barrier between life and death.

Flinching back while hardly suppressing mortified screaming, allowing a meek gasp to escape, when the door leading to the hunting dark rattles as if a great weight has been thrown against it in an attempt to force it open. Blood rushing in the ears of accelerated breathing on the edge of breaking down backs away from the tightly sealed entrance, putting the key that was kept inside the lock into the pocket, shivering thanks to the ice veins have turned into.

Finding safety in the corner of the kitchen, wrapping arms around the knees that have fallen to the ground without muscles and pressing tears knowing this is the end of the line into stony grey denim.

Paddy... Christopher... Chris, I’m so sorry. I wish you were here. Fuck, I should’ve listened to ye instead of being such a gobshite.

The memorized phantom of lush lips take a shivering figure soon to meet death into sturdy woodcarving arms dusted over with soft thin black hair, head resting against the secure chest that has been healed from sickly bruises, bleeding bullet wounds, fresh deep dagger scars or a combination of all. Because, despite the chastisements each time the curious artists shows up at the café in a worsened condition, there remains the recalled moments of mocha locks helping in dealing with difficult customers and men trying their futile luck by going too far. Christopher had been there at an oddly fascinated barista’s side, leaving as little distance between bodies as possible while snarling in warning of touching the boundaries of patience so desperate men would see their chances ruined and people complaining about the pettiest things would know the customer is not always king.

Day in, day out. From the moment the café opens until it closes, staying close by while creating the gorgeously engraved pillars dotting the landscape.

Sometimes even walking homewards together, wordlessly refusing to part ways before having made sure the sole girl in town not distrustful towards an “outsider” has arrived safely and only then cracking on to the personal roof. When not doing so, it is towards working places set in nature, enjoying the hush of the morning as the sun rises in the golden sky.

Hands used to meaninglessly brush against each other.

At some point, it has become a habit to hold his pinky from the moment of being picked up without an explicit arrangement until the destination is reached.

In blissful small talk or a comfortable silence.

I wish you were here. See you one last time.

But death is lonesome in the growling silence of the lush park.