#wishing for strength to no longer be used by someone who broke me & have up after making me stay after heartbreak & disrespect | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

moonydoodlez · 2 years ago

Text

A friend

Pairings: Eddie Munson x F!Reader

Summary: It had been two weeks of not being able to see your boyfriend after the tragic events of what happened in the upside down.

Warnings: Use of Y/N (once)

Word Count: 1.7k

You ran as quickly as your legs would let you, the red sky above rumbling as the scene of Eddie being killed unfolded in front of your eyes. No matter how hard you tried to move your legs, you couldn’t, you felt stuck.

The demo bats had flown away by the time the realization of what happened hit you. You broke yourself out of the trance and ran towards him, throwing yourself into the ground. You sat there frozen watching his body laying in the dirt. Your scream flowing through the air like wind. You could hear and feel the blood rushing to your ears as you pulled his body into your arms. Hoping, wishing that this was all a nightmare.

“Eddie please” You cried as your tears began to soak his already wet shirt.

Blood continued to spill out as you shook him. The thick red liquid painting your hands. He smiled up at you trying to use his hand to caress your cheek; but not having enough strength to guide his hand up far enough.

“No, you can’t fucking die on me. You said we were gonna be together forever” You scolded, trying to get him to stay awake.

“Sweetheart.. I need you” He began sputtering out blood.”I need you to forget about me if I don't make it out of this”.

You shook your head not wanting to hear his negative thoughts. You knew deep down he was wrong. “No” You said blatantly.

“Please” He begged. His eyes slowly faded to darkness in your hands. Your grasp onto his body fell as he became limp in your hands.

“No Eddie.. No” You screamed.

Everything went quiet. You could no longer hear your rushing heartbeat. There were no faint noises of bats screeching, no wind, no breathing. He was gone in your arms, and yet you were slowly fading with him.

Your eyes snapped open. Your breaths become less jagged as you gripped the pink sheets that adorned your bed. Your thoughts quickly surged back to Eddie. You tried to focus on the fan above, the smell of weed, and the tv still on in the living room. That horrible night is constantly replaying in your mind.

It had been almost two weeks since your friends dragged Eddie and your bodies out of the upside down. You escaped with a minor injury, but you had heard no news on Eddie. No matter how hard you tried, how often you begged the nurses to let you see him none of them budged.

Apparently you're not allowed to visit a ‘criminal’.

Today would be no different, you drove to the hospital with your hopes high that you could persuade someone to let you see him.

“Hello Mrs. Carver” You smiled at the familiar desk lady. She rolled her eyes chewing at her gum before putting the phone down, disconnecting from the person on the other side.

“I will call security now go get a life” She said harshly, before putting her thick blonde hair up into a ponytail.

“Please, I will do anything” You begged. “Will you just let me-” Again her harsh voice ripped through like glass.

“Why do you wanna see that.. Criminal”. Annoyance surged through your body, it seemed that you were the only one who had never believed he was a criminal, a freak .

A minute had passed as you stared her down. Although you knew it wasn't going to work you decided to try intimidation as your final tactic.

“Excuse me” A quiet southern voice spoke up, causing both you and the desk lady to look at the new voice.

You smiled at the newcomer, noticing his features looked familiar. Maybe it was your mind playing tricks on you as you imagined your metalhead again. You discarded the thought before looking back at the lady.

“Hello sir” She said snarkily. “Your back” She smiled letting out a condescending giggle.

He took a big breath in, probably also done with her. Yet he kept his blank stare and asked to see his nephew.

“Ok whatever, let me deal with this girl first” She smiled before facing you.

“Please, he's my boyfriend” You pleaded. “You have to let me see him”.

“No” She scolded once more.

“How do you still have your job?” You asked, giving her a blank stare. “You're a raging bi-”.

She gasped, suddenly jumping out of her chair, making multiple things fall off the small desk she sat at. “I need the police” She yelled at the police officer by the front door.

“What?” You yelled as the man sped walked toward you. “Call security not the fucking police”

You looked between the police officer and Mrs. Carver with her hands on her hips. She loves making drama.

“Oh shit” You yelled, making a b-line for the door as the man began jogging toward you. The cop had stopped running after you by the time you sunk into the seat of your car. You were out of breath and tired, and all you wanted to see was Eddie.

It really had become a last resort as you circled the back of the hospital. There were few things you knew about how Eddie was doing, you weren't sure if he was even awake. However you did know that he was in a restricted part of the hospital. Luckily, it was on the first floor.

You were very much in the open as you wandered around the outside of the hospital but at this point you were desperate.

Every few windows you peaked your head in trying to find a dark section of the hospital. A part that felt closed off.

After a while your eyes scanned a back section of the hospital. The lights were dimmed, and what looked liked only one nurse working in the area. She walked into a room before leaving not minutes later.

You knew they would keep him separated from the others, you knew that was his room. You grabbed a screwdriver from the bag you had brought. You tried to break the paint that sealed the window. Repeatedly hitting it until a crack sounded. Finally allowing you to open the creaky window. The sudden hit of cold air makes the hairs on your arms stand up as you open the window.

The realization that there was no one else who stayed in this ward of the hospital made your stomach twist. He was alone, all alone in this dark, cold hospital. With probably very little time to see Wayne, if he was even awake.

You scurried down the hallway before your shoes let out a squeak at the sudden stop. You hesitated before finally pulling the door open. You peaked your head in, looking at Eddie's quiet body.

“Eddie” You whispered, taking in his state. He was laying toward you with his eyes closed in a hospital gown covered in bandages. He was connected to multiple machines. You wanted to cry at the thought of him being here alone for the last two weeks.

His eyes snapped open before they widened “Y/N”

Tears burned at the corners of your eyes. “Eddie” You whispered again, beginning to take slow steps toward his bed. “How did you even get in here? Oh god I thought you had died or something. How is everyone else? Are they ok? What about Dust-” He rambled on before you cut him off.

“Baby” You began. “They're all fine, and I broke in” You said before smiling at him. You dropped your bag down before stepping closer to the bed.

“You broke in. That's my girl”.

He opened his arms out, signaling to you what he wanted. “I don’t wanna hurt you” You whispered.

“You won’t, trust me I feel fine” He smiled. The lie leaking through his pretty lips.

Rolling your eyes, you hesitantly get into the thin bed with him. He slowly wrapped his arms around you pulling you flush against him. His head rested into your neck, laying a kiss onto your neck.

“I’m so sorry” You whispered.

You could feel his body shift against yours. “For what, you did nothing” He cooed.

“I should have stopped you, or gone with you. I should have done something. But no, I did nothing and here y-”You began before getting cut off.

He pulled himself from your neck and his lips met yours, cutting you off. He pulled back, softly biting your lip as he met your eyes. “None of this was your fault. You did everything you could do” He looked away before meeting your eyes again. “Nothing could have stopped me” He whispered, lowering his head back into your neck.

“I'm just gonna sleep” You whispered, taking in his scent.

He chuckled, giving you one last kiss. “Go to sleep baby”.

Eddie stared at you, it felt like so long since he had seen you sleep in his arms, since he was able to kiss you. He rubbed shapes on your back trying to remember what it was like before everything went bad.

Suddenly the door opened, he began to get nervous hoping it wasn't his bitchy nurse. He released a breath as Wayne walked into the room. His eyes quickly fell onto the girl who sat in his arms.

“Oh, there’s someone here” His eyes widened. Wayne resisted a smile as he stepped closer to the sleeping couple.

Eddie knew the disturbance would wake you up eventually, he knew that you would be scared to finally meet Wayne.”She’s just a friend” Eddie blurted out wanting to put Waynes mind to rest till you could tell him together.

Your eyes began to open as the realization of another voice being in the room. You looked up to find the man from the lobby standing there.

You almost fell trying to get out of the hospital bed. “Hi” You said, finding your ground standing right in front of the man.

“Hi hon” the man stared at you.

“I didn't realize you were.. I’m guessing Eddie’s uncle” You giggled nervously.

“I’m gonna let you guys talk, um Eddie I lo- I will be back just gonna get some coffee.” You said nervously before walking out of the room.

Wayne looked at Eddie. A look that Wayne knew for a fact she was more than a friend.

“A friend,” Wayne laughed. “The girl yelled about how she wanted to see her boyfriend, I know she means more than that to you son”.

Eddie just shook his head laughing. “I wanted to make sure she was ok with me telling you, but apparently you guys already met” He exclaimed staring at the wall thinking about his girl. You.

Masterlist Eddie Masterlist

#bbgwrites #eddie munson x reader #boyfriend!eddie munson #eddie x reader #eddie fluff #eddiemunson #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fic #Eddie munson ficlet

144 notes · View notes

just-dino-maggie · 2 years ago

Note

24 with jack hughes pls <3

Thank you so much for the request! I hope you like it!

24. “I needed you.”

I’m sure that breakups never feel good but I didn’t think it would hurt this bad. Jack and I were that couple in High School. We were all over each other all time. I thought we were in love. But he went to New Jersey and it was hard on us. I couldn’t take it. So I broke it off without looking back.

My hometown feels uncomfortable some days. I’ve always loved it here, I wanted to live here forever. Now wherever I look reminds me of him, even two years after we broke up.

There have been so many times I’ve wanted to call him and beg him to be with me again. I’ve wanted to tell him that living without him is torture. He’s doing so well though. He is crushing it in the NHL, he’s had another serious girlfriend. They aren’t together anymore, that I know of. But it solidifies that fact that he’s better off without me.

I do the same thing almost everyday. I wake up and get a hot chocolate from my favorite Cafe then I head to work and school. It’s simple and calming. I love it. On my off days I still usually go to the Cafe and finish my homework.

I don’t have work or school today. I slept in later then usual and it felt wonderful. I made myself presentable, then I drove to the Cafe.

I’m sitting in my usual spot reading and sipping on a Hot Chocolate when I hear the bell ring signaling that someone has entered the shop. I don’t look up, I’m too immersed in my book. Something quickly pulls me out of it, the sound of a familiar voice at the counter. I look over and I can’t hide my shock. “Jack?” I gasp.

He glances over at me with those stunning blue eyes, “Y/n?” Without thinking I rush over to him pulling him into a hug. Seeing him is making me realize how much I’ve missed him. We were friends then lovers and now strangers. How can that be?

“Jack I can’t believe you’re here,” I whisper holding him with all my strength. After a moment we let go and look at each other. His hair is longer then when I last saw him. It suits him really well. He seems different in someway, older, wiser. I’m not sure what it is but I like it.

“What are you doing in Michigan?” I ask.

He smiles a little, gosh I’ve missed that smile. “I played at Little Caesar’s last night and we have a day off before heading to Columbus. I thought I’d stop and see the family.”

“Oh yeah! I heard you’re crushing it this year! I knew you could do it!” I mean what I say. I always knew he had something special when it came to hockey. Not just his talent but his passion too.

His eyes narrow, “If you knew I could do it, why did you leave?

I’m immediately confused, “What in the world do you mean?”

“You left because it was too stressful because I wasn’t playing well.” He looks at me like I should know this. As if this bombshell is some kind of fact.

I shake my head, “No I broke it off because it was too stressful to be long distance. I thought I was holding you back and I was right. You’ve been great since I’ve been gone. Winning games, dating other people.”

“No I haven’t. I needed you. I was miserable without you. I didn’t want to break up I wanted you to come live with me. I wanted us to grow together but you left. I’ve been playing well because I found my place on the team. That girl was great but I never loved her like I loved you. That’s why me and her ended things.” He pauses and places his hand on my cheek, “Why didn’t you talk to me, give me a chance to fix this?”

I try not to get too emotional, not in public like this. I grab his drink and his arm. I pull him to a booth hoping it will give us some more privacy. “I didn’t want to hold you back. You have something so special, I wish I had half the talent you have. Not only that but you’re hardworking and passionate. I knew if you would have asked me to stay I would have. I couldn’t be the one who ruined your passion, so I left without an explanation. I’m sorry that I did that.”

“Could we try to be in each others lives again? We don’t have to jump right back where we left off but we could talk more.” He suggests. I know that I’ll fall for him again but I don’t care. He owns my heart. Always has, always will.

I smile, “I could go to your game tomorrow, in Columbus. If you want me to?”

The way his face lights up makes my heart melt, “I want you to.” He looks at his watch for a second, “Can I stay here with you to catch up until I have to leave to see my family?”

“Please.” I respond.

We sit and talk to each other for a couple hours, falling back into a familiar banter. Though we are very much the same as we used to be, something feels different. Like we could really last. I hope we can, because I need him desperately and I think he needs me too.

#jack hughes #jack hughes imagine #jack hughes blurb #nj devils #usntdp #usa hockey #hughes brothers

96 notes · View notes

mdhwrites · 4 months ago

Note

Here's a question I'm surprised I haven't put to you before, given how many times I've mulled it over: what do you make of "The Magic Goes Away" trope?

On paper, it's a simple thing: the magic/technology/miracle whatever that enabled fantastical things to happen (granting characters superpowers, interdimensional travel, etc) disappears by the end of the story, leaving the characters to navigate a world without it.

What's given me a lot of thought about the trope recently is the way it's often portrayed/interpreted as a metaphor for growing up. I'm kind of a sucker for metaphorical storytelling, albeit when it's subtle, very well done, or both. So I like it when the "magic" represents something bigger than itself and its departure conveys a lesson true to real life. But some argue the trope can be (unintentionally) needlessly depressing, implying that becoming an adult means you have to cast aside wonder and imagination to live in the "real world."

Any thoughts?

So the problem with the argument people make of having to abandon whimsy is that it implies an all or nothing mentality with this trope when the point is more often more nuanced than that. Because yes, the trope does say that you need to come back to reality eventually. That for as grand and whimsical as the fantasy is, the world you need to be prepared for is, you know, real.

But that doesn't mean those lessons or the impact of the magic is gone, does it?

For me, stories like this are analogous to cartoons and fairy tales in reality. Those stories which shape us, that help the world feel so big and special, and that teach us lessons that for many eventually feel quaint or too small or not close enough to the reality which we live in. After all, a kid needs dragons to understand the hugeness of reality. All an adult needs is one quick look at the trending topics on Twitter. It can be hard as an adult for many of us to look at these simple resolutions or the promise that magic can fix all of our problems when you are constantly worn down by the endless grind that is adulting.

However... Who are the common villains in stories like these? They're usually the most adult character in the room. Not the most mature, the most adult. The one who sees the world as cruel, evil and crushing all that is good. They may literally be someone who is hunting the magic, thus forcing it to leave so that it may be safe instead of exploited. These people have no morals, no ethics no consideration for others. They have no lessons to teach except those taught to them by the cruelty of the adult world...

Because they forgot the lessons they learned as a child. Because rather than inspired to be better, having been forged in pixie dust to whether the storm of life, they broke and had to pick themselves back up to face a harsh reality. Honestly, a lot of these characters have pretty sympathetic backstories for this reason. Meet the Robinsons isn't technically in this genre of fiction but the villain is. They were someone who rejected the kindness and compassion of the world and sank deeper and deeper into their misery and contempt for others. This even manifests, as it does for villains of this story who are hunting a past no longer theirs, as a need for those nostalgic elements. He lives in his old orphanage, he wears his old clothes. He has not grown up because while having become cruel, he has not recognized the actual complexity of the world. He treats adult life with the same simplicity a child does.

The kid in these stories contrasts this by not being selfish. Not being desperate for the warm blanket of better times and simple answers. They instead take what they have learned and stride forward, ready to face the world and the magic of its complexity thanks to the strength and lessons that the fantasy taught them. They do not cling to the fantasy or wish to destroy/exploit it.

This can easily be applied to Amphibia's ending. Instead of the girls breaking from losing their access to these people who changed and shaped them, those memories still exist and instead EMPOWER them. It led Anne to a career that she'd never have considered, especially since at the beginning of the series she didn't have any career aspirations. A frog that looks like Sprig doesn't make her cry, it makes her smile. It warms her heart because you don't have to discard the world entirely just because it's not there anymore. It still is, because it's in your heart, like most magic. Like that which touches us deepest and shapes who we are.

So hold on loosely, but don't let go. See you next tale.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#writing #writing analysis

5 notes · View notes

sunnysidesutch · 1 year ago

Text

October 1, 2023- 2:36 pm

To Whom It May Concern,

October has arrived, and I have never been more terrified. I have always loved October- the way the leaves shift their shade and the air grows crisp. October has always been the perfect opportunity to embrace pumpkin spice and apple cider everything. However, almost 7 years ago, I let myself attempt to be the anchor for a family I would still die for to this day. I don't regret a thing, but it is terrifying to know that, this year, I will be celebrating a life that lives on beyond in solitude.

As much as I would love to let my words flood out of me like a broken dam, I am afraid that the release of the rapture will cause detrimental damage. Sometimes, no string of words sounds adequate enough to correspond with my emotions. However, it is October 1st, and I can already feel myself fighting for my life. So, I write.

I was driving home with someone who is very special to me. I was, mostly, silent- simply listening to his emotional rambling and his every other, "you know what I mean?"

Yes, I do know what you mean. I know what you mean, and then some.

Of course, we brought up Tyler. Everything always comes back to him, and I never mind. We talked about that night, but not in too much detail. Despite having everything unfold right before my eyes, I never did feel as though it was my place to mourn someone I wished I knew better. However, sentimentals and understandings came out of your mouth, and, for the first time, I felt truly acknowledged.

Despite my moment of weakness in sending him a SOS via the old facebook, you told me he knew how great my efforts were. You told me he loved me, and you knew that I loved him just as much as I love everyone else in that family. Reassurance I did not even realize I needed.

It was true, what you said. I did love him just as much as I loved everyone else. I did do everything I ever could for your brother, and it broke my heart knowing I was putting all my eggs in one basket, and I let Tyler slip through the cracks. Every so often, I think about that night and that day. It seems like a daily occurrence once October rolls around. It's as though I am living in the present, but the past flickers in front of my eyelids like a horrid film. If only Tyler came with us, like he was supposed to.

Watching a family lose a son, a brother, a grandson, a nephew, and a best friend is never easy. I will never forget going down in to that basement. I will never forget the way their mother fell to her knees in the driveway. I will never forget that I grabbed everything of my ex's that I could find before the cops searched the house. I will never forget going down to that police station or having hamburgers for dinner from McDonald's. I watched my ex mourn his bestest friend, and, despite not fancying them in the slightest, I sat next to him that night and shared hamburgers with him so he would eat.

October reminds me of a life that didn't get a chance to see how beautiful the other side of struggle was. This October also reminds me of a love that was so incredibly real and powerful- and how I no longer have that person I shared so much trauma with, and how he is spending it with someone else.

I will always want the best for the man who was supposed to be my forever, and I will always remember October as a month of great loss and strength. I would love nothing more than to sit curled under my blanket until the frosty chill of November arrived. However, the world keeps on spinning and the days don't stop for anyone. So, as long as this heart is still beating, I will hold my memories close, and I am going to live.

Here's to getting through October. And, Tyler, wherever you are, we miss you dearly, buddy.

xoxo

#ToWhomItMayConcern #journal #writing

2 notes · View notes

pri5cillasanchez · 2 months ago

Text

11/03/24

Now that I’m calmed down, I’m going to write something from the heart to you. And it will be my last entry of you, forever.

That night you betrayed me in front of my eyes, I remember feeling as if everything inside myself went numb. I remember becoming filled with anger and disgust, that someone I trusted and told me they loved me, would do that. I remember feeling like an idiot, thinking that I was actually someone special in your eyes like you always made me feel. I remember all I wanted to do was break down and cry, yet I had to muster every ounce of strength in me to keep it together and not cause a scene. I remember telling you that you were dead to me- because in that moment, you honestly were. I couldn’t believe that a human being I’ve involved myself with emotionally & physically for months, that I believed was still a good person regardless of what others would tell me or say about him, would end up hurting me in the end. I remember wanting you to fight for me, to admit that what you were doing wasn’t right, to reassure me that I was the one you loved, but you didn’t. Not a single one of those wants I wished for, did I get. Instead I got blamed for having emotions and a fragile heart. Instead I got told my feelings weren’t valid. Instead you just continued to walk away & kept doing what you were doing, while I was breaking down on the inside in disbelief & disappointment.

It was in those moments of betrayal and sadness, I realized that was enough. That was the turning point for me to realized that I deserved a whole lot more than what I was settling for. As much as it pained me to end it all with you, I also knew you were never mine to begin with. You were never fully present with me. You never accepted us. Your heart was never open to the idea that someone could love you so much and treat you right for once, that the only way you knew how to eventually let me down was to hurt me in the worst way possible. And it worked- I truly hated everything that you were in that moment. In that moment, I hated you and everything we ever shared together. I wished none of it ever existed, that you were nothing to me from the very beginning.

Now that I’m more level-headed, I know that I could never hate you. Just like The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, it would be a mistake to erase all the memories I’ve shared with you. You hurt me so deeply that night, but I still forgive you, for my own peace of mind. However, I will never feel the same love I felt for you going forward. You broke a trust with me, and with that my respect for you as well. I adored you Chris, I loved you unconditionally. Even when everyone else had bad things to say about you, I always knew in my heart they were wrong because I wanted to continue seeing the good in you. The one that loves and cares deeply for others, the one that is just simply trying to find his way through the world through his passions. I even was beginning to accept that you have a very outgoing friendly personality when we’re out together, and it started to become okay with me. As long as you were happy, I was happy. But what you pulled that night, that crossed the boundary with me. It made me realize that I was more in love with you, than you will ever be with me. That I was nothing but the secret love, and it was a harsh truth realizing that is all I was ever going to be through your actions that night.

I’m letting you go because even though I still love you, I realize that I can never change who you are or where you are in your life mentally. It’s not my job to fix or heal you, while damaging my own self-worth in the process of trying to love you. I’m letting you go because I want us to both be exactly the kinds of people we are, not feeling constrained or trapped by one another. I’m letting you go because you did not value my worth, and I’m not going to stick around by your side any longer and wait for you to realize it, while missing out on my own life in doing so. I’m letting you go because as much as I will always love you that will never change, I need to start putting myself first. I need to start loving myself first before anyone else. Finally, I’m letting you go Chris because you still have demons that you’re still battling, and the capability of entirely loving another human being when you don’t really love yourself, is nonexistent.

I truly wish the best for you and genuinely hope that you get everything you want in this lifetime, the house marriage family, all of it. At the end of the day, I still want you to be happy. And in order for me to achieve my happiness as well, I need to remove myself from your life & yours from mine. So we can both move forward.

I’ll cherish everything we shared together in my memories, but you are no longer a part of my future.

1 note · View note

jeaninthephilippines · 4 months ago

Text

Departure Day

I am finally going to have the courage to write this entry.

The morning I left the Philippines, my mom was still stressed out about the weight of my luggage. I maneuvered more things to fit (would later find out my carry on was actually 3lbs over, oops!...Attendant let me slidddeeee hahah). I had been so busy de-escalating my mom that when they loaded me into the car, I forgot to kiss my Lola goodbye. My mom had sent her upstairs to grab cash so I had tip money for all the airport helpers. I feel so sad that I let myself get lost in the stress and flurry.

Our driver takes one pic of us and my mom seems annoyed because she worries about me getting to the airport. On the drive to Manila, I write my Lola in Tagalog how I am sorry we didn't say goodbye properly.

I write my cousin and my aunt their farewells too. I look out into the lush green freeway and feel the weight of heaviness on my heart. I am a 100% Filipino and yet the Philippines is not completely my home. I badly want it to be and I think it starts with language (something I am hoping to improve on).

My mom is busy on her phone preparing a post about a goodbye to me. Right outside of the airport after passing so much gentrified land of high rise condos, is a barangay that isn't tampered with. The streets are narrow and the place is lively. We head into the departure zone which has many helpers in purple shirts bringing your carts and directing you to your airlines. My mom takes one full photo of me and I ask for a selfie together. I wish we had a longer moment, a moment I kept wishing on that day.

We head into the Korean airlines line at 9am and it winds line a snake with 20 folds as it continues to pile. It makes me realize just how intentionally designed the Vegas airport is with mitigating every discomfort for a visitor with its efficiency. We're there for 2 hours in line (the longest I've ever been). My flight is at 12:50pm and I spend about 40 minutes waiting in immigration. I head to my gate with enough time to eat tocino and rice (my favorite breakfast meal). There are so many people on this flight and I recognize the woman who was standing in front of me earlier. I remember how pissed she was that someone paid to cut the line. Anything for a good tip with get you far in the Philippines.

I hear a few Americans talk about how they spent 1-2 weeks here and it was the time of their lives. Spending time in the province was a the time of my life, I never knew I could deserve to have: peace, quiet, and being unknown.

I look like every other Filipino here that no American attempts to talk to me. While waiting I find out my one airpod is left at my mom's. My technology mishaps feel like the ghosts were playing games with the girl they would miss.

We board the plane and I help the people around me load their luggage into the overhead bin. The woman who sits next to me had no upper body strength when she tried to put it up that I stood behind her and aided her arms.

We had yet again very yummy and portioned Korean food. I will miss this about the airline. When I get to Korea, I desperately look for a nail clipper since my nail broke. I had to roughly cut the manicured nails my mom paid for when I visited. Another sign that reality was consuming me. I wandered up and down the airport for the bathroom where Koreans were lathering up their beautiful skin care routine between flights.

I then head up to a food court to order some authentic Bimibap that my professor recommended. It was beyond delicious and I treasure those flavors forever.

While waiting for my flight, I stayed and journaled. A Korean American woman my age asked to sit with me because she was waiting for her food and there were no more chairs. I said sure. I trusted her enough to watch my things when I threw my tray. She guarded her bag from when she picked up her food to when she ate. I get it. I can be foolish about how I see my fellow humans (something I continue to shave off in my return to America).

I find my gate which moved from its original spot to a smaller gate packed with children. Korean summer started and all these families were taking their kids to Vegas. I sat on the floor away by the stores with enough sight to see when I could board. I sat again with a mother and daughter who could not articulate what they wanted to eat to the stewardess. The mother was getting sicker on the flight and I shared some of my pocket tissue with her. She asked me how could I be so kind? I shrug and laugh. I knew that I am built this way from the way I was raised between parents and teachers.

I helped the mother and daughter head out first by also pulling their luggage. The escalators were broken in Vegas and the lines were long again for immigration. I felt like the airport was trying to make Vegas appear unlivable to potential immigrants. That's my theory. We stood in line for another hour and a half after arriving for immigration clearance. I had my whole trip story ready for when I would be asked since so many passengers had to explain. But they let me pass easily and I wondered if the way I appeared was more American.

We were in a secluded baggage area with free carts. I quickly saw both my big bags and maneuvered like the strong lady I am seamlessly. Coy wasn't able to help me because there was another security gate before we could reach our families. I walked out and Coy greeted me with roses. We kissed and I was relieved to live through the turbulation I prayed through in the 10 hours to get from Korea to Vegas.

The mother and daughter passed me and Coy's reunion and the daughter looked surprised that I was married. Maybe she thought, how could a large Asian woman be married? hahaha, to be in America where ideas are bent and identities are explored.

This was so hard to write because someone could look at this day from travel as dull. But I don't live this life sleeping. I live it alive and see all the teachable moments and breath in all the blessings.

I aim to see my family again. I hope I do.

1 note · View note

xx-kenz-xx · 1 year ago

Text

LETTERS I'LL NEVER SEND #2 : To my Second Love

I've heard so often that you will have 3 solid loves in your lifetime, and that the 2nd is always a lesson.

I've also always been one to challenge things that I hear, thinking that maybe I'm different or special in some way, but at the end of the day I am only human.

You were a lesson for sure, at the time I met you I felt as though you saved me, you made me feel emotions I didn't think I was capable of feeling anymore. You made me happy, you made me feel loved, and appreciated and wanted, and at the time that's all I needed.

You were in the chase, and you acted like it. You showed me every day how important I was and I started to believe it for a bit. I started to feel as though life was looking up for me, and that maybe I had finally found someone who wouldn't break me.

We made memories, we had fun, I didn't care so much at the time about being understood, it wasn't a necessity to me so long as I was loved.

I remember you told me you liked girls with red hair, and although I was born and grew up with lucious red lockes, it didn't feel like enough. So I began to feel self concious and I started dyeing it. If I ever made a change, I felt as though you'd no longer love me.

I was in probably the most vulnerable state of my life the first time you hurt me. The first time you proved to me that maybe you weren't who I thought you really were. I remember how broken and used and useless I felt when I realized no matter what I did and no matter what you said, another girl would always catch your eye more than me.

Still, I took care of you, I loved you, and I put my own feelings aside. I made excuses for you since I didn't want to feel alone again, and I started to go numb.

When I finally had enough and confronted you, you cried. Not because you felt bad, but because you'd been caught. You didn't understand what you'd done to me, nor did you care enough to try, but still, I stayed.

You told me that at this time in my life, I was boring. Those words still haunt me to this day. How you could have so little regard, so little care in you anymore that you could look at the state I am in and not care for me, but once again find a way to make it all about you.

I felt responsible for this, as I had always taken care of you, and still planned on doing so as that was the commitment we had made. I still loved you.

I remember you promising you'd stop, I remember not believing you.

You continuously showed me why I was correct in not putting trust in you, as you continued to do exactly what you knew would hurt me the most. You still didn't care.

I begged you to leave, as I knew I didn't have the strength to do it myself. I told you to go find another girl you could actually love more than yourself, and you refused, claiming you loved me and me alone, but the classic cliche of actions that speak louder than words continued to rear its ugly head around every corner.

Eventually I gave up. I knew I'd never find someone who would be able to love me the same way I loved them and I settled. I felt stuck and alone and lost. I would watch people in relationships and wish I could even feel for a moment the way that they did. I still do.

I see couples holding hands and making jokes and speaking to eachother almost in their own language, I see the connection and the passion and the love and I know I am capable of providing that, but I don't think anyone will ever see me as worthy of receiving it.

You broke me in ways I didn't think possible. Bringing me up from what I thought was my lowest just to drop me off of a cliff into the deepest darkest fall I could imagine until I finally hit the bottom and just lay there.

They say the second love is the lesson, but I am not sure what I've learned other than not being able to trust a soul anymore. If the lesson isn't that I give more to the world than I will ever receive I dont know what it is.

I am beginning to believe that my lesson, is that some people are born to be alone, even if they have the most love to give, they won't ever feel the same reciprocation. I believe my lesson is that I am to love, not to be loved, and that I need to find a way to live with that.

#love #poetry #burnout #heartbreak #thoughts #depression

0 notes

autumnalwalker · 2 years ago

Text

A Dream About Betrayal

Author's Note/Content Warning: Death of a close friend and not-particularly-graphic violence. It's strange how in dreams you can have incredibly intense relationships with people that don't exist in your waking life nor bear any resemblance to anyone you know.

I am lying among the refuse of a seaside garbage dump, washed out of a storm drain. A dear friend of mine has died. Heroic sacrifice and all that.

Much later I will learn that she has been cloned many times over by the very ones she fought. Somehow they preserved her memories and personality and loaded them into her copies, albeit with slight variations in each instance. Some will remain loyal to their creators, but most will band together, escape, and continue their fight. My first meeting with one of the loyal copies - her standing atop a paramilitary vehicle and wearing her enemy’s corporate colors, ready to apprehend me or worse - will be an event of disbelief and despair. My subsequent rescue by and “reunion” with those who rebelled will be joyous but confusing. They all prefer to keep using her original name, but make the concession of nicknames around others if there’s more than one of her present.

But that is all much later and I know none of it yet. For now I am lying debris, bereaved and nearly without hope.

A courier finds me. He has a package from her for me. He has many packages from her for those she knew in the event of her death. He says no more. I cannot bring myself to open the package just yet, but I can muster the strength to follow him out of this place.

The courier does not wait for me though and I lose sight of him. I see him again in the distance handing a narrow package longer than I am tall to a man I once knew. The man’s features - an unfortunate case of genetics - have left him unjustly branded a monster since his youth. That never mattered to her and me. The three of us were good friends once upon a time. But then he finally broke under that terrible societal pressure and began living up to his hitherto entirely undeserved reputation.

It’s our fault - hers and mine - that he now lives here in a shack amid the flotsam and jetsam, unwelcome even in the junkyard’s shantytown, instead of ruling with an iron fist from some palace or penthouse or manor.

I always regretted how things turned out. Wished that we could have made a kinder fate for him than this or death.

I know I should put my head down and keep moving, but I can’t help but stop and watch. It’s a mistake.

A woman arrives. She’s come from across the sea to find him. To finally find someone else like her. I point her towards him.

He finally notices me and in his fury he ignores the newcomer altogether. Another tragedy wrought by my inaction. He storms up to me, ranting and raging. How dare I show my face after what I did to him?

Tears in my eyes, I cry out the only real thought that’s been in my head since I awoke.

“She’s dead.”

He says he doesn’t care.

I ask if that package he just got is from her.

He says he doesn’t care.

I plead with him, desperate to know what’s inside.

He tosses it aside into a nearby scrap heap.

I say I’m sorry.

He hits me.

I run.

He chases me.

He catches me in the shantytown.

He beats me.

I hit back.

Our fight goes through the narrow alleyways. It lasts a long time and we travel a fair distance. On a good day I could probably win. Today I can barely muster the will to defend myself.

He throws me to the ground.

I whimper “I’m sorry,” over and over again with tears streaming down my eyes as I crawl into a hole in the wall filled with exposed wires that would electrocute me if this place actually had any power.

He says to come back and find him if I still feel that way tomorrow morning.

#dreams #my writing #dreamposting #writeblr #my dreams

0 notes

cynettic · 3 years ago

Text

Stay with Me pt.3

Summary - You manage to escape from Scaramouche, if only for a moment before you realize there’s no escape. It only takes until you’re sitting back in your regular spot that you know what you need to do.

Pairings - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warnings - Suggestive content, mentions of death, swearing, slight gore / blood

A/N - Its really hard to make this depressing while I’m vibing to Rasputin. Like no joke- I have it on one of the 1 hour playlists :D

Here you’ll find - pt.1 and pt.2

He’d left a key.

Scaramouche didnt make mistakes, not while he had you captive in the vicinity of his bedroom. He didnt have room for mistakes, not when you were watching his every movement while he was in your line of sight.

Sure, he mightve killed a person or two in front of you, but those were necessary mistakes. There was a sign on the door, it specified not to enter. You’d understand that, right?

Thats what he thought at least, lulling himself into belief after belief that you’d be there waiting for him every time. That you’d welcome him with open arms, even if there were chains ensnaring your wrists. That you’d accept your fate at his hands and submit yourself to him.

The Balladeer was a fool.

He’d kept you there for too long, and while you searched for an easy way to escape, time sent your head spinning. Into a spiral that begged only for the wind against your face, back laying on dirt with the familiar chirping up birds waking you up in the morning.

You wanted to go outside.

And when push comes to shove, you had to risk a little more to make it happen. Lure him into bed with kisses while your hands unbuttoned his vest. But what he believed to be alluring contacts was just your way of finding the keys hidden in the back pocket of his shorts.

It wasnt hard to find the one to your cuffs while he was asleep, cuddled in your chest with both arms around your waist as if to get you to stay put. You took the key, hiding them back in his clothing and hoping he didnt notice.

He didnt say anything the next day.

You werent going to wait any longer.

“Oh for fucks sake, why won't the goddamn door open?”

The room was left in tatters behind you, a little gift for Scaramouche once he got back. Turns out a pair of chains can smash up a lot of things, and rage can be used as a great source of strength when contained for such a long time.

But you’d done more than throw the blankets around, cut up the drawers and smash open the windows. Because your fists had bled red when you punched through the glass, puncturing your skin. Your knuckles were an ugly red, bruising already.

Ah, Scaramouche deserved a much better gift.

Gruesome as it was, you rubbed your knuckles against the pale walls. Till the blood stopped coming, till there was a nice little message for the boy which you held so dearly to your heart.

‘Balladeer.’

The first time you’d found out about him being a harbinger he’d told you not to call him by that name. You weren’t someone he associated with by work, you were a treasure to him. That’s why you continued to call him as he pleased, although the temptation always arose.

You were no longer his.

Shoving the door with your hand again, palm fiddling with the handle and groaning when it hardly budged. “Stupid,” you grumbled when the knob began to loosen. Backing up, you charged with your shoulder to the door, full force as the momentum broke the hinges. The door fell down with you along with it.

It was expected, you’d been stuck in the room for a long time, and thats considering you’d sat on the ground for decades. Your body was slight numb, muscles sore and unused for so long.

“You a-arent supposed to leave your room!”

A young man stood in the hallway along with a woman who looked relatively the same age. The two were wearing uniforms, flinching when you stood up from the debris and off the door. “Excuse me?” You asked, voice unnecessarily icy and stern. But you couldnt care less, you were going to get out of this house, damn anyone who stood in your way.

They both continued to shake when you walked towards them, staggering from side to side. The woman stepped up in front of the man, presenting a brave face. “If you leave the mansion, the harbinger will kill us all!”

“Well then I expect you should be on your way then. Actually…” you gestured to the maze of hallways. “You can lead the way.”

“What…?”

Your hand went limp to your side, an exasperated looking momentarily crossing your face before you sighed. “Im not staying trapped in that room, I’m sorry if that ruins your life, but frankly you're not the one stuck in there are you?” You took an extra step just to intimidate them, eyes wide to make the appearance of crazy. “It would be a great help if you showed me where he hid my vision too.”

“We can show you to the door…” The man began, “But the whereabouts of your vision are unknown, he wouldnt tell us something like that.”

A gift bestowed from the gods, a piece to help me thrive with my ambitions and pursue my goals.

Gone.

You really wished you’d taken to clawing out Scaramouche’s face instead, but you’d take what you got. Right now your main priority was getting out of this place, even if it meant leaving a piece of you behind.

“Door.” Your voice was raspy and there was a terrible feeling that crawled up to your throat, but you didnt have time to be emotional. “Show me where the door is… please.”

The conflict in their eyes dissipates by the time they lead you along, mumbling words between themselves. You didnt bother to try eavesdropping, you were so, so tired. You wanted to go home.

Anywhere. Anywhere but here.

It took a few minutes until you were standing in front of a grand door, almost twice the size of you and just as wide. You then began to notice the decorational plants and furniture that filled the empty space, there wasn't an inch of dust. Even though you could tell none of it was used.

“Hurry,” the man warned when you paused. “I dont know when our master is coming back, but if its soon, we’ll all be screwed.”

You couldnt feel your head as you numbly nodded, hand clenching the knob and flinging the set of doors open. “Thank you,” you merely mumbled, taking your first step out of the house in what felt like forever.

The days after that were a blur, the area around Scaramouche’s house were nothing but void. Empty and filled with forests and vast plains. You knew he didnt like people or socializing in general, but to this extent?

Your only option was to run.

Let your feet take you somewhere, anywhere. It was a constant pattern of running and taking breaks, leaning on a tree and gasping in a few breaths before you were again scurrying through the forest.

And yet you felt better than you’d felt in past months that you’d been stuck with Scaramouche.

Food became any boar you came across, the claws you’d spent so long hiding with Scaramouche coming to unleash a wrath beyond your comprehension. Till the animal was cut to shreds and no meat was left even to eat. You’d slaughtered it, without intention to eat or benefit for it, you’d killed it just to kill.

“I’m sorry,” you’d sobbed into the ground where you’d buried the harmless animal. Forehead pressed into the dirt as you pleaded for forgiveness to whatever archons would accept it. You couldn't even remember what archons you were supposed to pray to. “Forgive me- forgive me…”

But eventually you found your way around to somewhere you knew. Territory of Inazuma where you could find your way back, back home.

Where was home?

You’d been on the run from the vision hunt decree, abandoning your post for the Kitsune Saiguu for such a thing. Even now that you could return without a vision and as no threat under the decree…

You’d sacrificed everything for your vision.

Where were you to go now…?

Rain patted down, the trees providing only a slight cover as stray drops fell into your matted dirty hair. You didnt mind, it hid the tears that slid down your lifeless face, feet taking you into the far meadows of your hometown. Till you plopped down underneath a tree, knees curled to your chest and arms hugging them close. You were crying.

You were home.

____________________

“Awh,” a ginger haired murmured, elbow resting on the cool wood of the tabletop. “Is little Mouchie sad? I heard your kitty cat escaped~”

A death wish, even fatui that idly minded themselves around the bar knew it. Sipping cold drinks and swirling their cups, the soft chatter was nothing but a distraction from the main course of events. That being the smaller Harbinger who sat sulking in his seat, hunched over with a drink in hand. He’d drank far more than what was on the counter, but everytime he finished a glass, he’d smash it on the ground, watching the fragile glass shatter into pieces.

“I dont have a cat,'' was his only response, tone daring Childe to pursue further. To give him a reason to start throwing the glass in his face instead.

And Childe was an idiot when it came to challenging someone.

“No cat?” The rest of the drink in the taller harbinger’s glass was gone when he threw his head back. “Hmmm, I cant think of what else could’ve had you so enraptured in returning home then~!”

Scaramouche didnt respond, uneven bangs shadowing the bags under his eyes. “Stronger,” he said instead, elbow on the counter and hand outstretched for something. When there was no movement from the man managing the wine, the harbinger looked up. “I need something stronger to drink,” he repeated, voice seething.

“Of c-course!”

The glass was nestled in Scaramouche’s palm in no time, fingers curling around the circular form to down it in seconds. The drink merely slid down his throat in one movement, alcohol burning his senses. It didn’t matter, he was numbed by the growing rage inside of him.

Finally, he turned to the ginger haired boy, eyes hazily dancing along the counter till it reached his fingertips. Up his hand and along his arm, till Scaramouche was staring right into Childe’s eyes. “They escaped,” he admitted softly. “But it’s alright, because I sent something that’ll bring them back.”

Childe paused, raising his drink up away from his lips to pose a question. Hesitation danced along his features before he brought the glass back, he’d rather not provoke the shorter male any further. Wasn’t like he could interfere anyway.

____________________

“That… that…”

It was preposterous, having returned to that same spot for a day or two and heading back to the hometown you’d once lived in. The one Scaramouche had lived in. There shouldn’t have been an issue, you were solely gathering supplies for the sake of it, ambition driving you to travel far far away.

Out of Inazuma.

It was your new beginning, convincing yourself that you didn't need a vision. Finding some sort of purpose before Scaramouche shattered the vision and your life along with it. You’d seen how people had reacted when it had been ingrained in the statue, neutralized and broken. They lost hope, purpose and aspirations for anything new.

It’s not like the Raiden Shogun took my vision.

But you’d taken that fact for granted, expecting some sort of new start without Scaramouche. A victory, getting away from him just for a split second and getting out of Inazuma altogether, you’d never see him again.

Until you got his message.

“How the hell…” You crushed the note until it was just crumbled paper in your hand, slowly leaning on the stone wall. “Piece of shit… what kind of person even…”

Not only did he manage to find you, but without making his presence known, he’d tugged at your one weakness with an ease that had you down on your knees.

You threw the paper to the ground, deliberate as you stared past the alleyway. Pensive as you considered your options. Damn, what options did you even have? You’d been an idiot to underestimate Scaramouche, he wasn’t a child, you knew that… but archons he seemed like one when he was with you. Shown you a vulnerability he wanted only you to see. But maybe that had been part of his plan all along, until all you believed was his soft demeanor.

He may act like a child, but he’s a harbinger.

You stared down at the crumbled piece of paper in disgust.

Not only that, but he has no regard for human life.

Either way, you’d lived decades more than him. You could face him, you would present yourself to him just as he expected you to. Even when everything in you rejected the idea, sobbed at the thought of returning to that house, those chains. Being locked up and confined only for the purpose of coddling a small boy, a selfish boy, a cruel boy.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

You’d figure out a way, and this time you wouldn’t rule out the option of his death.

———————

Oh darling Y/n, how have you been?

I hope this letter reaches you rather soon, we both have much to discuss, no? About me, about you, and much more. You see, I’ve taken up quite a distaste to your little friends. Stone statues in Inazuma as small as Kitsunes truly hold no purpose, what will they do, come back to life? Haha, I should think not. I’ve already arranged to have them demolished, who knows what kind of material they might possess. Ah, and of course I’d show you the finishing product, unless you’re willing to come and have a chat with me once more? Under the Sakura tree like we used to, you’ve waited years, I believe you can wait for me?

I hope this letter reaches you in best interests. I’m always looking out for you after all.

Sincerely, your Balladeer

——————

It was raining.

Beautiful weather as you lay sitting there, feet crossed and tucked in the same you’d often do. After all, there was no need to fear the vision hunt decree or the Raiden Shogun. Let them come, let them take care of you before Scaramouche did.

You werent cold, not when the cold drops dampened your clothing, slipping down the length of your spine and drenching your face. Despite having lived in a luxury residency for such a long time, this was where you were most comfortable, enduring whatever the weather had for you, taking it with a smile. Because you were waiting…

The Kitsune Saiguu was a distant memory.

You were waiting for Scaramouche, the young boy that often bound into the field in lengthy strides, childlike wonder in his eyes. The one who’d cried when the other kids pushed him away, the one that just wanted to be praised. You’d held him in your arms, and now, even knowing the results, you wouldnt have done differently.

He was just a boy.

Just a boy when he joined the fatui, looking for praise that he was given. He created chaos and bellowed orders with a cruelty that was highly looked upon. Told that he was doing well, so he continued to do so.

He’s just a boy.

You wished you’d held him in your arms, if not only for a tad longer. Shield him away from the wrongness of the world, if only for one last time.

Banishing away your hatred for him was hard.

But you found it under the tree, rain soon dimming down to a clouded cold breeze that swept through the meadow. You’d hated him while stuck in the mansion, but you could now see it from a larger point of view. What he did was wrong of course, but you could remember him so vividly now. His small form giggling, tiny arms around your neck.

“Play with me!”

Was it your fault?

For not holding him tighter? For trying to rectify his bad doings and teach him what was wrong and right? Maybe if your grip was firmer, if you’d spoken to him about the warmth he’d given you that day when playing cards...

“Lazy ass.”

Burying down that pile of worry and insecurities, you took a deep breath in to relax. The edge of your lip perked up, only slightly. “Still terrible with your social skills arent you?”

Slowly securing a dry space under the three with you, Scaramouche sat down. His features were the same ones you’d grown accustomed to at his mansion. Rich clothes, sharp eyes, and the baby face that refused to go away. His movements were soft as he pulled out a deck of cards. The two of you didnt speak as he distributed them between you both. It was tense… no, it felt too much like the warmth form long ago to be tense. You only wished the situation to be different.

“I love you.”

But you could only offer a bitter smile to his words. “I love my vision,” you replied. “I love the Kitsune Saiguu, and I love my friends.”

His touch was gentle when his fingers came to gently cradle your cheek. Holding your face dearly as he peered into your eyes, his were soft. Different from the cruelty he held within, the hatred that burned and destruction that seeked to explode.

You saw a little boy.

Your hand came to press his hand further against your cheek, till you slid his palm to your lips. He appeared so calm when you pressed the first kiss, lips tracing the lines along his palm with all the care in the world.

But you needed to change your view, see him as the man he now was. As the man he had become.

“I love you,” he repeated, and you let go of his hand. It fell limp by his side, cards all but forgotten. There was a much more pressing matter at hand, because you truly needed to see him as he was.

It was necessary if you planned to kill him.

#genshin impact #genshin impact hc #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact oneshots #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #kitsune reader #yandere scaramouche #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #reader x scaramouche #scaramouche angst #writing #angst

783 notes · View notes

softpshycopath · 3 years ago

Text

Summary: when the eternals split up; you realise this is your last chance with Druig. (Reader has telekinesis).

Warnings: some mild violence and mentions of mass slaughter.

Word count: 2232-ish

Prompt: ‘Well? Say something. Scream, yell, anything!’

Authors note: sorry this is so much later than I wanted to but here we are! Also, I don't know shit about Tumblr so if someone could tell me how to get rid of the line on the left, it would be great! Also also, I can't for the life of me figure out how to add the 'continue reading' thingie, so um if someone could help me w that as well that would be great :)

1521

When the attack on the city had begun, all of you split up to fight the deviants, and it was just your luck that a bunch of Spanish conquistadores decided now was the best time to attack as well. To say it was chaos was an understatement, a severe understatement. People were running and screaming while left and right you heard gunshots go off and roars seemed to surround you.

Admits the chaos you had lost Makkari and Thena, with who you were sent to kill this group of deviants. God knows what could happen to them in this mix of blood, metal and bloodcurdling screams but you tried your hardest to think of something else. Like the deviant running headfirst towards you.

You jumped to the side and before it managed to take a sharp turn and jump at you again, you threw a large piece of stone at it, remains of buildings were scattered everywhere so you doubted anyone would mind. The deviant broke the rock in two with its tail like it was nothing and the sheer whiplash of it made part of it come back to you. Before you had properly registered it, it knocked you down and upon hitting the ground a stab of pain echoed through your spine.

Thank God you were an eternal because otherwise your spine would've been broken into a million pieces. You got up as well as you could and readied yourself for another attack. The fight was far from over and the longer it went on the more you wished you had Ajak's healing powers. Despite the continuous pain in your tailbone, you hit the monster with loose pieces of anything within reach and very unceremoniously dodged its attacks.

Every time it was a close call, and you were beginning to feel the energy seep away. You had had a long day pining for someone who didn't think of you as more than a friend and even though it was a feeling you were used to; it didn't fail to cost a massive amount of energy. The pain seemed to spread, both from your heart and from your tailbone it slowly crept through your body. When you thought they would finally meet in the middle, an orange spear pierced the deviant from behind and as it sank to the floor dead; you sank to the floor exhausted.

“Come on, we must find the others.” Thena offered her hand, and you gladly took it, half walking half being carried by her you managed to find a way forward. “I thought you were with Makkari,” you groaned upon noticing the speedster's absence. “We killed our deviants and were on our way to look for you when she noticed some more on the other side of the city.” Thena started carrying more and more of your weight until you were hanging on her for dear life. “She went to deal with them.”

Before long Makkari returned and you caught up with her, she inquired about your injuries and you explained, “It's nothing really, I got hit by a boulder and landed on my tailbone.” You smiled at her in reassurance, but it was far too obvious that, had Thena not found you, you might not have seen her again.

When the three of you made it to where Ajak was, you noticed that the others who had been sent to fight the deviants, hadn't returned yet. Thena put you down a little further away from the eternals who were there so you could regain your strength without being bombarded by questions and concerns, as well-intended as they would be. You couldn't see everyone because of the dark, the distance between you and your eyes not being able to focus properly, but as far as you knew Druig was still out there.

You felt bad for him, he'd always confided in you about how horrible he felt about having to let the humans die at their own hands, how they suffered daily, yet he couldn't do anything. You figured he must be having a hard time now; the screams of mass slaughter could be heard from miles away.

Despite the searing pain in practically your entire body, you felt a cloud of worry begin to form in your mind and you hoped that as soon as Druig came back, he would come to see you. Before your thoughts were able to spiral though, a distresses Ajak knelt beside you, “Oh my, what happened to you?” “Just a typical day.” You turned to look at her properly, “but it does hurt quite a bit so, my dearest Ajak, please fix it.” She laughed a bit and started using her magic on you. The sharp edge of the pain disappeared almost instantly, and you knew that when Ajak had finished you would be just fine.

Before she was able to do so however, a commotion amongst the other eternals caught your attention. You couldn't really see what was going on but suddenly Thena started to attack, and Ajak ran off to help. You tried your best to help and occasionally knocked some weapons out of Thena's had with lose rock you could see, but from this distance and with your still not fully healed body, you could only do so much.

After Gilgamesh knocked Thena out, he picked her up and, along with the others, started walking towards the highest temple. You tried to stand up, barely succeeding and limped towards the group, turns out Druig had been with them all along and your worry had been for nothing. Ajak's healing had made a significant difference because you were able to catch up to them before they reached the stairs. You looked up and sighed audibly.

“Everything alright?” Druig asked, he had turned around to look at you when he heard you and noticed your crooked stance. “Yeah, yeah, no worries just thinking about how standing up was such fun and now these stairs,” you waved your hand in their general direction, “they're gonna be a hoot,” you chuckled sarcastically.

Druig stepped down and wrapped an arm around your waist, “wouldn't wanna miss out on the fun.” He helped you and slowly but surely you made your way up the seemingly endless flight of stairs. “So, are you going to tell me what happened?” He asked while looking to where he was holding you. “Have you ever been hit with the whiplash of a deviant's tail?” He shook his head. “Well, that and half a boulder threw me to the ground.” He looked at you with sympathy and together you continued in silence.

Your mind was racing with thoughts, how ironic it was that your heart had longed for him so much this morning and how close he was holding you now. How it was so very kind of him to help you and, how glad you were to know he wasn't dead. But mostly about how close he was holding you.

And close it was. Druig knew that he would be able to help you up the stairs with more distance between you, but he liked holding you like this, and you didn't seem to mind. He felt guilty for not going to you when he first saw you were injured but his mind was too preoccupied with what was going on around you. He told you so and you made sure he knew it was fine. “You're helping me now and that more than makes up for it.” You smiled in reassurance.

“What happened to Thena?”, you asked when your thoughts had stopped consuming all your attention and you noticed the silence. “I don't know, one minute we were talking.” He looked away a little and you knew why. Even the dark and the distance couldn't hide that fact that, had Thena not attacked them, your friends would've started fighting amongst themselves anyway. “The next she had a spear in hand and a distant look in her eyes,” Druig continued, “she seemed almost possessed.”

You didn't really know what to say, so you remained silent. The closer you got to the top the better you could overlook the city. It was a horror site, everything seemed to be on fire and the atmosphere was filled with never-ending screams and gunshots. You could see the pain in Druig's eyes, the guilt he felt for not helping and the internal fight he had every time something like this happened.

In the little chamber on the top of the temple, Druig helped you to a wall near the opening and you leaned against it. Thena was still unconscious, but she began to stir, and your friends took a step back. All but Ajak and Gilgamesh, Thena and him had always had a special relationship, they seemed to understand each other without saying a word, even more so than Sersi and Ikaris. You had always dreamed that one day you and Druig might be like that.

After Thena had awoken, it all went very fast. You had barely grasped what Ajak had meant when she told Thena she had to erase her mind when Druig rebelled. It seemed that for the first time, his internal fight had been won by his sense of morality rather than his sense of duty.

If you had had the strength, you would've thrown Ikaris from the top of the temple the second pushed Druig against the wall, “you're gonna have to make me.” And for a second it looked like he would, luckily Ajak was there to calm him down. Unfortunately, Druig's mind was made up.

When he started walking down you thought he would still bid you all farewell or at least tell you where he was going. He didn't. Then, for just a second, you thought he would come back. He didn't. You hoped at least someone would run after him. No one did.

So, you took matters into your own hands and, slowly but surely began to make your way down the stairs. None of your friends made any effort to stop you, something which, you would only realise later, was actually quite a bitch-move.

“Druig stop,” you groaned, the combination of smoke in your lungs, pain in your ribs and having to walk down a flight of stairs made you feel like passing out. “Stop please, where are you going?” You grabbed him by the shoulders. When you got to the step he was on, you had to take a second to catch your breath. “Where are you going?” you asked again. Around you people had stopped their fighting and, despite his eyes not glowing, you knew they were under Durig's control.

“It's gone on for long enough, their suffering.” He glanced at the humans as he spoke, “I'm leaving, and you can't change my mind.” He looked at you with sadness in his eyes, but you knew this was what was best for him, he couldn't take it anymore. “Well, when will I see you again?” Your breath was still shallow but at least your eyes were able to focus again. “I don't know.” You knew what he meant. Maybe never.

Your mind was still going crazy, Druig was leaving. Druig, he was leaving. And he might never come back. You thought about your feelings, your hopes for the future and eventually you decided it was now or never.

“In that case,” you looked him in the eye and grabbed his hands, “I am utterly and irrevocably in love with you.” You noticed something shift in his eyes but didn’t wait for his response, “I have been since we were in Babylon and I figured, since you're leaving never to return, it would be best you knew. Now, I don't expect you to feel the same, but I just had to tell you, or I would be cursing myself forever.” When you were finished you, once again, found yourself short of breath.

Druig didn't know what was happening, he had felt so sure about his plan 5 minutes ago but now, not so much. He knew you had some feelings for him, it was obvious, not to mention his feelings for you. But love? It wrecked his plans and his mind.

“Well? Say something. Scream, yell, anything!” Apparently, he had been silent for too long because there was definitely some desperation present in your voice. He didn't know what to say so he did the only thing he could think of. He kissed you.

You didn´t see it coming and your mind didn't register it for a good 5 seconds, but when it did, it felt like heaven. The kiss was soft, gentle and so full of desperation. It seemed as if thousands of years of untold feelings and longing stares were poured into it, to some extent that was true.

“Come with me,” Druig said when he finally broke the kiss. You were sad to put distance between your lips, but this proposition made it worth it. “I don't know where we'll go, but at least you don't have to leave.” He was right, you didn't know where you were going, or what was waiting for you in the wild world. But you knew that you had Druig by your side and that made it all better. “Yes, yes I will come with you.”

#druig #druig x reader #druig x you #no y/n #druig fanfic #eternals #eternals fanfic #barry keoghan #marvel #marvel fanfic

219 notes · View notes

edenmemes · 3 years ago

Text

skyward sword sentence starters

more to be added !

❝ you promised to meet me before it starts, remember? ❞ ❝ you seem pretty...relaxed about the whole thing. ❞ ❝ is something wrong? what’s the hurry? ❞ ❝ sometimes i just don’t know what’s going on in your head. ❞ ❝ i'm not like you. i fail at everything i try. ❞ ❝ a shrimpy boy like you hardly looks the part of a hero. ❞ ❝ swatting a few monsters will be no trouble for you. ❞ ❝ run and play this time. get in my way again, though, and you’re dead. ❞ ❝ don’t even pretend that was an accident! ❞ ❝ do you doubt these eyes? i look upon your shirt and i see a single thread loose on your sleeve stitching. ❞ ❝ this is no place for one such as you. and yet here you stand. ❞ ❝ i need to vent all this unhealthy anger, and your agony is such a great stress reliever. ❞ ❝ remember what we discussed. restrain yourself. focus on the task at hand. ❞ ❝ do my words anger you? do my words sting? let them. ❞ ❝ you don’t come by here just to see me, do you? ❞ ❝ what’s wrong? you just made a face like you wanted to say something. ❞ ❝ oh, i get it. you’re trying to weasel out of having to practice. ❞ ❝ i guess it’s not all bad. at least i’m getting paid. ❞ ❝ there’s something i’ve been meaning to talk to you about.... ❞ ❝ would you wake up, straighten up, and grow a backbone already? ❞ ❝ nice try, but you’re not fooling me. ❞ ❝ i...i have to go. i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ folks were always cheering me on like it was a parade. but as you know, time passes. ❞ ❝ you keep some very strange company, friend. ❞ ❝ i don’t know if it’s safe yet...i’m going to stay here awhile longer. ❞ ❝ oh no. you’ve done it now! there’s no escaping this one! ❞ ❝ so, what now? are you going to cry? ❞ ❝ i can’t begin to tell you how sorry i am for pulling you into all of this. ❞ ❝ what is wrong with you? just look at what you’ve done! ❞ ❝ what we’ve seen here today defies explanation. ❞ ❝ you put up more of a fight than i would have thought possible out of such a soft person. ❞ ❝ did you really just draw your sword? foolish. ❞ ❝ should you heed the call of destiny, i don’t know what dangers you may have to face. ❞ ❝ i can’t help being such a coward...i’m really sorry. ❞ ❝ i fear i spent far too long teasing and toying with you. ❞ ❝ you do your people proud. ❞ ❝ how long do we have to live in constant fear? ❞ ❝ i'll just beat you within an inch of your life! ❞ ❝ dawn is drawing near. it has been a long night for the both of us, hasn’t it? ❞ ❝ you were limp and unconscious. i feared the worst. ❞ ❝ what do you think you’re doing sneaking out with that? ❞ ❝ such a beautiful day, but we’re too busy to enjoy it. some things never change. ❞ ❝ i guess you’ll never learn unless you run into trouble one day. ❞ ❝ look at my face. if that’s your idea of a joke, i’m not laughing. ❞ ❝ you appeared to be relishing that snooze, so i declined to wake you. ❞ ❝ huh? oh, uh, nothing. really, i was, uh...talking to myself. ❞ ❝ you’re looking a little pale... ❞ ❝ i imagine you and i will cross paths again. until then, do not lower your guard. ❞ ❝ you certainly are persistent... ❞ ❝ all that may be well intentioned and true, but it doesn’t mean it’s right. ❞ ❝ i’m prepared to pay the price for what i’ve done. ❞ ❝ i had no idea we were fated to carry such a heavy destiny. ❞ ❝ i need your strength to tip the scales in our favor. ❞ ❝ all this training, and no results! ❞ ❝ all i’ve hears so far is a bunch of babbling about destiny, but that’s a load of garbage. ❞ ❝ when night draws her tenebrous curtain across the sky, i come here. ❞ ❝ what in the world just happened? did you use some kind of magic? ❞ ❝ please, see it through and prove the legends true. ❞ ❝ i was happy just spending my days hanging around with you. i wanted that feeling to last forever. ❞ ❝ you are vital to a mission of great importance. ❞ ❝ the chances of that happening are just about less than zero. ❞ ❝ i hate to break it to you, but today’s the day i bust up this adorable little fantasyland you’re living in. ❞ ❝ this is a war, and the fate of the land hangs in the balance. ❞ ❝ i know you, and you’re no hero. ❞ ❝ you’re messing with me. say it again, i dare you. ❞ ❝ you float through life with your head in the clouds. ❞ ❝ i don’t do charity for wimps. ❞ ❝ what’s this...? what is it that my eyes behold? ❞ ❝ don’t even think about it! are we clear? ❞ ❝ the point is your work here is done. i got it covered from here. ❞ ❝ my eyes foresee a hazardous, thorny road ahead for you... ❞ ❝ you...this is your fault, you know. ❞ ❝ my heart is bursting with thoughts of you. ❞ ❝ i have a serious dilemma on my mind right now, and you’re distracting me. ❞ ❝ i’ll make you proud. you’ll see! ❞ ❝ feels dangerous. something could jump out at us at any moment. ❞ ❝ we’re talking about a tale that’s been passed down over a lot of years, so i wouldn’t put much stock in it. ❞ ❝ i have the right to experience an unfettered and passionate love, don’t i? ❞ ❝ i’ll tell you, it gives even a big guy like me the creeps. ❞ ❝ oh...how can i get you to notice me? ❞ ❝ i get the feeling nothing i can say will talk you out of it. ❞ ❝ my love for you is wider than the horizon and deeper than the clouds. ❞ ❝ trust my piercing eyes...listen to my pure and innocent voice. ❞ ❝ i feel so excited, so cheerful, so full of life. ❞ ❝ i sense a silent power dwelling somewhere in your frame. ❞ ❝ this turn of events has left me with a strong appetite for bloodshed. ❞ ❝ there’s no doubting it. the gears of fate have begun to turn. ❞ ❝ i'm sorry. i was lost in thought there for a moment. ❞ ❝ don’t men open doors for a lady anymore? how long am i supposed to stand here waiting for a little chivalry? ❞ ❝ i hate even saying this, but i guess you got it all figured out. ❞ ❝ you must not push yourself. you’re still recovering. ❞ ❝ you think you’re pretty suave, don’t you? ❞ ❝ i know you’re in a hurry, so i really appreciate you taking the time to help. ❞ ❝ i saw it, but i was able to escape by the seat of my pants. ❞ ❝ do you have any idea how that made me feel inside? furious! outraged! sick with anger! ❞ ❝ you’re really something else. i could never imagine myself doing what you’re about to do. ❞ ❝ i must aid you in fulfilling the great destiny that is your burden to carry. ❞ ❝ i should have believed you...i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ lately, when i think about you, my head gets all fuzzy, my heart races, i get short of breath, and i feel all dizzy... ❞ ❝ you should know better than that to fret about me. ❞ ❝ thanks for jumping in there to rescue me. ❞ ❝ hey, hold on there! what are you trying to pull all of a sudden? ❞ ❝ your face cries out in earnest wonder, and that cry is: ‘what’s this?!’ ❞ ❝ i promise up front not to murder you. ❞ ❝ you...didn’t hear any of that, did you? there’s no way you heard, right? ❞ ❝ i tell you, all sorts of weird things are going on lately. ❞ ❝ calamitous visions appear before me... ❞ ❝ you...make me so happy...i think i’m going to keel over... ❞ ❝ i wanted you to be the first to see me like this. ❞ ❝ i can’t imagine a more fitting color for you. it’s as though you were born to wear it. ❞ ❝ i bet you can’t even decide what to have for lunch on your own, huh? ❞ ❝ amazing, right? wrong! it is beyond amazing! ❞ ❝ it can’t be easy for you, can it? ❞ ❝ you’ll see in time that you have your own role to play in all this. ❞ ❝ trust in fate to guide your feet. ❞ ❝ i bet you’re here just to check me out, right? ❞ ❝ i just hope nothing has happened. i’m worried sick thinking about it. ❞ ❝ whoa...you’re kind of imploding my mind right now. ❞ ❝ if you wanna live again one day, you should head for home. ❞ ❝ you have a great journey before you, and those clothes...they don’t look up to the task. ❞ ❝ did you manage to get even a wink of sleep last night? ❞ ❝ ever heard of banging your knuckles against the door? it’s called knocking. ❞ ❝ so, uh...yeah. just how long have you been standing there? ❞ ❝ honestly, it’s almost as though you become a completely different person when you worry about me. ❞ ❝ you showing up here must mean we’re connected somehow. like fate. ❞ ❝ sorry to put you through that. i guess i owe you one now. ❞ ❝ to tell you the truth, i’m feeling a little frustrated, and right now i just need someone to vent to. ❞ ❝ what’s with you? leave me alone if you don’t want anything. ❞ ❝ hearing that is such a...huge weight off my mind. ❞ ❝ though your journey will put you in harms way, you must endure. ❞ ❝ i'm just deadweight. what kinda use is that to anyone... ❞ ❝ seriously, what is that thing over there?! ❞ ❝ before i say another word, i feel like i owe you an apology. ❞ ❝ during your long journey, you’ve grown so much. ❞ ❝ from the moment i laid my eyes on you, i could tell you had a gentle and generous heart. ❞ ❝ oh dear...i don’t know what’s come over me all of a sudden... ❞ ❝ you don’t appear to have any serious injuries. for that much we can be grateful. ❞ ❝ i can see into those dopey eyes of yours. ❞ ❝ i can finally smile and laugh again! thank you ever so much. ❞ ❝ i think i might of broke something. ❞ ❝ is that it? i thought it was going to put up more of a fight. ❞ ❝ i thought we were goners this time. sort of glad i was wrong about that. ❞ ❝ what? i don’t seem like my usual self? ❞ ❝ this place needs a name. a name fitting for this rugged, adventurous wilderness. ❞ ❝ what were you thinking? you scared a year off my life! ❞ ❝ care to explain just what you meant by ‘our special moment alone’? ❞ ❝ my advice? work hard and wish with all your heart. ❞ ❝ say, you look all flustered. ❞ ❝ i fear we can’t dwell on our success. ❞ ❝ the world is bursting with undiscovered surprises, isn’t it? ❞ ❝ you're not exactly mr/mrs.perfect either, are you? ❞ ❝ this is easily as scary as i thought it would be. ❞ ❝ i swear this neighborhood’s getting crummier every day. ❞ ❝ you ain’t as dumb as you look. ❞ ❝ i was going to ask if you wanted me to take care of you forever... ❞ ❝ i need to learn how to keep these delirious dreams in check. ❞ ❝ maybe you should forget about everything that happened here tonight. ❞ ❝ can you imagine a more gruesome fate? ❞ ❝ there are more monsters about than before, so be careful. ❞ ❝ human desire is an insatiable, fearsome thing. ❞ ❝ i sense an evil presence on the other side of this door. ❞ ❝ you understand, don’t you? i’m not wrong about this, am i? ❞ ❝ i never wanted to lay eyes on you again. ❞ ❝ i would have gotten discouraged if you hadn’t come by to cheer me on. you gave me motivation. ❞ ❝ who do you think you are, getting involved in my business like that? ❞ ❝ i just wish there was more i could do for you... ❞ ❝ i don’t even understand how you could make such a wild accusation! ❞ ❝ it was at that moment i finally realized. i realized that...i love you. ❞ ❝ make sure you come home every now and then. nothing like a good sleep in your own bed. ❞ ❝ you’d better not keep me waiting. ❞ ❝ make sure you put your heart into it! i won’t stand for anything but your best. ❞ ❝ how could you be swayed by the temptation of material gain? do you have no honor? ❞ ❝ you really want to hear about all my troubles? that’s kind of you. ❞ ❝ you...weren’t supposed to see that whole spectacle. how embarrassing... ❞ ❝ you have only succeeded in buying us a little more time. ❞ ❝ watch it! that’s no way to talk to someone who just saved your life! ❞ ❝ you look like you need to get something off your chest. ❞ ❝ know that all the questions you have now will be answered in time. ❞ ❝ there is nothing natural about these tremors. ❞ ❝ you might just be the person i need! you seem pretty good with the ladies. ❞ ❝ it’s great to hear you’re so confident in me. ❞ ❝ ideal love is unfettered and passionate. anything less than that can’t really be called love at all. ❞ ❝ you're incessant buzzing around my head like some irksome gadfly when i’m this busy is...making me very disagreeable. ❞ ❝ you may not have noticed, but i’m trying to hide here. could you please scoot along? ❞ ❝ you'd better keep your eyes to yourself, if you know what i mean. ❞ ❝ have you come to laugh at me in my miserable state? ❞ ❝ you...you came to see me! i’m so happy. ❞ ❝ your job is simple! you make sure none of these monsters lays a claw on me. not...one...claw. ❞ ❝ now is not the time to be picky about who will help you. ❞ ❝ watch carefully while i demonstrate what a real hero looks like. ❞ ❝ you are something else! there is nothing you cannot do. ❞ ❝ if you think about how often we meet, you have to admit that our relationship has gone beyond friendship, you know? ❞ ❝ i’ll make the affair so excruciating, you’ll deafen yourself with the shrill sound of your own screams. ❞ ❝ i was right, then. there is something special about you. ❞ ❝ i should have reprimanded you the last time we met, but instead i was...soft. ❞ ❝ ha-ha! you didn’t see that coming, did you? ❞ ❝ you really are a snake in the grass. ❞ ❝ you are indeed worthy of being called a hero. ❞ ❝ i’m not used to getting stared at like this. it’s making me blush. ❞ ❝ i can’t hide anything from you, can i? ❞ ❝ the longer i train, the more i realize i’ll never measure up to you. ❞ ❝ whoa...you took out every last one of them. ❞ ❝ i know how bad this must look to you right now, but i assure you i mean no harm. ❞ ❝ it’s all very strange, but i doubt there’s much of a connection between these things. ❞ ❝ you're a weird one, climbing all the way up here. ❞ ❝ don’t cry --- it’s perfectly, mostly safe! ❞ ❝ you and i, we’re bound by that thread of fate. destined to fight. ❞ ❝ meet me in battle, and the thread of fate that binds us will be soaked crimson with your blood. ❞ ❝ i do not wish to dwell on what may have happened if you hadn’t been here. ❞ ❝ you have awakened a wrath that will burn for eons! ❞ ❝ you really like those fantasy stories, eh? ❞ ❝ there is one teensy, tiny thing i lack...namely, mercy. ❞ ❝ i must warn you, i won’t go easy on you this time. ❞ ❝ i might be willing to forgive and forget if you’ll strike a deal. ❞ ❝ since i know i can be honest with you, i’ll admit i got a little sulky. it was frowns all around. ❞ ❝ i see you’re still among the living. ❞ ❝ i saw them dragging you off unconscious, so i tailed them. ❞ ❝ i want you to visit me at my house tonight. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to say a word. i can see how you feel by the spark in your eye. ❞ ❝ you’ll see. i’ll be as tough as you in no time. ❞ ❝ it’s not like ‘oh, hey, that person’s back! i’m so happy!’ or anything like that... ❞ ❝ whoa...that’s some really terrible handwriting. ❞ ❝ i would very much like it if you would go out with me. ❞ ❝ truly? you choose me? ❞ ❝ i swear to you, whatever it takes, i will drag you into an eternity of torment. ❞ ❝ you and i, we’re bound by a thread of fate. ❞ ❝ i’ll watch over you, protecting you from afar. ❞ ❝ until then, we’ll keep our love secret. ❞ ❝ this news has just filled my heart with rainbows! ❞ ❝ this place seems strangely familiar... ❞ ❝ don’t you gotta take care of your own business first? ❞ ❝ they’re not going to do anything nice if they catch you. ❞ ❝ it’s not humane to tease someone this bored. ❞ ❝ i’m not some sideshow for you to gawk at. ❞ ❝ it’s weird to say out loud, but that’s just how i feel right now. ❞ ❝ you can’t break me with interrogation. you’ll never make me talk. ❞ ❝ word is there’s a huge treasure hidden in these here ruins... ❞ ❝ what? that’s not weird to say! ❞ ❝ ...i understand your true feelings. better than you know. ❞ ❝ all the fairytales that we heard growing up...they appear all too real. ❞ ❝ do i look sad? no, i’m doing what i want to do! ❞ ❝ i don’t know what came over me! i had no clue i had the talent to make something like this. ❞ ❝ you shouldn’t be out here in the open with no way to defend yourself. ❞ ❝ you do have the tendency to cause trouble for those you ‘help’. ❞ ❝ as far as i’m concerned, i got nothing but time. ❞ ❝ don’t you play coy with me. i know that you know, so why not let me in on the fun? ❞ ❝ so you really think a sob story like that is going to work on me? what a joke. ❞ ❝ i’d take pleasure in punishing you, but i have no time for recreation. ❞ ❝ sorry to leave you on your own, but you look like you can handle it. ❞ ❝ remember --- it’s a secret to everybody. ❞ ❝ it isn’t as action packed as what you’re doing, but maybe this is my destiny. ❞ ❝ don’t you just love the way it smells down here? ❞ ❝ defending the land...it’s my purpose, i think. it’s why i’m here. ❞ ❝ what do i know...you might just surprise me. ❞ ❝ fibber! you’re a fibbity fibber! ❞ ❝ you needn’t even say it. i can tell from the look of sheer astonishment on your face. ❞ ❝ you have had this destiny thrust upon you without warning... or choice, for that matter. ❞ ❝ don’t do anything heroic and get yourself caught. ❞ ❝ ...you want to tell me but you can’t? ❞ ❝ you know, i really worry about you. it’s a weakness of mine. ❞ ❝ try not to get in the way of my shots, ok? ❞ ❝ i haven’t slept a wink in...ahhh...i don’t even know how long. ❞ ❝ i had my suspicions, but until now i wasn’t sure. ❞ ❝ you seem a good deal stronger than the last time we met. ❞ ❝ i would be remiss if i didn’t let you know of the weight on my heart. ❞ ❝ i have a reputation to protect, you know. ❞ ❝ listen closely. do you hear that? ❞

#rp meme #roleplay meme #roleplay starters

525 notes · View notes

mywritingonlyfans · 4 years ago

Text

Angst fic with Damiano David

prompt: a angsty about reader being sad (dami bff) 'cause damiano doesn't feel the same way romantically. ps. there's a lot of victoria de angelis being a angel in this fic, and it's basically about reader going through it.

warnings: none? it's just a bit sad and longer than usual.

All the soft touches still tingled all over your body. His scent was until now stuck to you, you never thought you’d feel happy to have woody essence along with cigarette smoke on you.

Folding the sleeve of his sweater, you put your tea in one of the cups you always use when you were there. His cotton piece was comfortable, making you didn't regret wearing it in the morning; it was cold and wearing your tank top from the night before didn't feel right. The shorts from yesterday, that were making your legs freeze were enough trouble for you to handle. The remnants of your clothes and belongings were collected from the floor of his room and placed carefully on his headboard, you made sure you were being quiet. Damiano has always been a heavy sleeper, but your counscious prevented you from risking disturbing him when he looks so peaceful. You had already spent much time at his place so you memorized where every thing in his kitchen - and others rooms - was; baking eggs and making tea wasn’t a mystery for you. You had even separated a Tylenol tablet for Damiano, so he could have it with his tea when he woke up with a wicked hangover. He wasn't the type to get drunk and forget what he did, nor were you. Since when you were teenagers, you have gone out and been drunk together a lot of times, and although your feelings were already present, nothing never happened. This time, however, alcohol helped injecting a dose of courage on him. Being honest with yourself, you didn't remember who started it; but the kiss in the midst of the loud music, his hand on the back of your neck, the exchanging glances while dancing and the moment he took you home, they were pretty vividly in your mind. You still felt relaxed, as if his sweaty body was still over yours. Minutes with your eyes closed was enough to feel his eyes roaming your body all over again.

“Hi,” he said in a slurred voice, cutting off your line of thoughts. You jumped, briefly scared but soon turned your attention to reality; a tired Damiano scratching his eyes in front of you.

He was dressed, wearing sweatpants and sweatshirt, duly comfortable according to the weather.

“Headache?” You knew he was. He was always a good drinker, he put up with it a lot, but he was never one to get rid of the effects of alcohol on the next day. You, on the other hand, got on better with this issue; fortunately from the night before, only the good moments remained with you.

“Yeah, a bit,” he giggled. “What a night, I’d say.” He added, in a lower tone. What was acceptable, you also felt a bit weird to be in front of him.

“I got you some pills,” you pointed it out to him on the counter, trying to maintain a normal behavior; with no shacking voice or sweaty hands. Quite impossible. “I made tea too.”

“Dear God, you’re a life saver!” He smiled at you, eyes crinkled and all of his perfect teeth on display. Contagious.

You grinned, feeling your body getting lighter. “No worries. I’m glad to help.”

“Y’know, when I woke up and saw that you weren't there I thought you were gone. You know? Friendship destroyed and that whole thing. I’m happy to see you; relieved.” He took a sip of his tea, and maybe a bit of your heart with it. You were an explosion of feeling when it comes to him, you always have been. “That sweater looks good on you, you can keep it if you want. You know that’s my fave one.” And, yeah, you knew.

The tension on you was no longer intense, comforting you to let out the breath you were holding. “It’s good to hear that,” Your genuine smile managed to say many things, you wished Damiano had noticed you earlier on other occasions. “Do you remember that one time, when we were younger, that you were a bit crazy about a girl; Alice was his name.” You stopped; in need of air - nervous - and watched Dami's attentive face. “She was the first person to whom you dedicated a song, you played it to her at school break. The cutest thing I had ever seen. I think it was there that I realized, a little jealous—“

“Y/N,” his voice had been almost inaudible, causing no effect. Had he really tried?

“How in love I was with you.”

His face was paler than usual, he was paralyzed; speechless. You had never seen Damiano like this, the men was always all over the place in a sweet talkative mess.

It took a few minutes for you to be able to read his expressions and realize how fucked up you were. The dose of happiness in your blood had been able to manipulate you to believe in what you most wanted to happen.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” your blood had gone up to your ears, all you could pay attention to was the pressure in your head. How had you thought that after one specific night he would suddenly decide that he was in love with you? After all of this time that you were just a good friend for him? “I’m truly sorry but I’m don’t—“

“Feel the same way?” You finished. He nodded, apprehensively. You have never felt so stupid. It was a mixture of shame, fear and insecurity. You were unable to look directly at him, you knew that there was no change in following a friendship after what you just said, much less after the night before. You had never been so screwed.

“I’m the one who should be apologizing, I shouldn’t have said a thing.” You whispered, realizing that the lump in your throat had turned into tears that you didn't even know were running down your face.

“Come here,” he opened his arms, walking towards your emotionless frame. You allowed yourself to melt in his grip.

Your tears fell freely; you could even try to hold it back but there was no strength left for you to think about it. Your crying was silent, as was the kitchen room. Your head was full of questions and cursing at yourself. Suddenly you wished Damiano had yelled at you, asked you to get out of there or said he wouldn't never speak to you again. It seemed easier to deal with it in this alternative way than to have him comforting you for loving him. “Shh, it’ll alright. I could never be mad at you.”

He talked about your friendship, but you knew that nothing would end up well. Maybe for him. But for you? It’d not be that easy. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I should have known better, you were so loving with me last night that I thought— Fuck, we slept together. Which I know isn’t your fault because I don’t even remember who—“

“Stop, Y/N. Look at me,” He was being careful. You were making a person like Damiano calculate his words, that made you feel like pure shit. You stopped talking, looking at him was still difficult. He understood that you wouldn’t be doing so. “That’s fine. I don’t feel bad about you liking me in that way, you’re wonderful. I don't regret anything, last night was great, but I just... don't feel the same. I’d never do anything to hurt you. I can't even imagine how hard it’s being for you right now.” His words sounded sweet and sincere. He had tears in his eyes as well. His ability to be so empathetic to everyone was something you loved the most about him. He was probably killing himself on the inside for breaking you.

You nodded, leaning on the counter. You wanted to ask him if he remembered that he was your first kiss at the age of seven or all the times he sent you vinyl records with some message - that he had written himself - inside the cover. How did he not feel the same, shouldn't you be everything he wanted?

“Dami?” You sighed. Your eyes were red, your face probably swollen. You then looked straight at him; that surprisingly wasn’t much better than you. “Have you ever looked at me and seen me in another way? Something more than just your best friend?”

He didn’t say a thing, just look at you standing there. You get it.

“I think I should go,” You broke the silence that had been formed. You thought about taking his sweater off, but since you weren't wearing anything underneath, you thought it was better not; you’d have to go to his room to change, and then pick up your things only to delay your leaving.

“I can drive you home,” he said in a hush, looking for his car keys.

“It’s okay, a walk will be fine.”

“It’s fucking freezing outside, I can't let you walk over there like that.”

You ignored what he said, walking around the house to the front exit. He tried to grab your arm just for you to step back.

“I know you're just trying to help, but I need to be alone right now, without you near me.” You tried to say it in the most normal way possible, you didn't want to be mean, you only wanted to be fair to yourself.

“Sure.” It was the last thing you heard him say before you left, feeling the cold wind on your body. You didn't know if he had entered his house again or if he was watching you hug yourself as walking slowly to somewhere. You wouldn't dare to look back.

--------------------------------------------------------

“C’mon girl, get up here,” Upon hearing the husky, strong voice, you were relieved.

Victoria wasn’t wearing her usual jewelry and looked like she had just been woken up by force. You weren’t as close to her as you were with the other boys, however, you had never been so happy to see her.

You got in her car. “Thank you,”

“God, you look terrible. You’re fine?” You looked at your reflection in the rearview mirror and well, fine was definitely something you didn't look like.

“Dami asked you to come and get me?” Your throat was scratching, it was difficult to speak.

“Yeah,” she looked at you quickly, but due to your discomfort she backed off. More tears would come. “He didn't say why though, he just said he needed someone to come to you before you froze to death.” She said it in a way that made you laugh, even with your eyes filled with tears. “Did the two of you have a disagreement? You don't have to answer me if you don't want to.”

“Something similar.” You said shakily; due to your crying and chilly. Inside the car was heated, but your body was so cold that it didn't seem to be enough. You tried to snuggle in the passenger seat, letting your head rest against the window like in a sad film. Maybe that’d help.

“Here,” she handed you a coat, without hesitation you took it. “I brought it to you in case you needed it.”

You nodded slowly. “Thank you, Victoria,”

“You can call me Vic, just like everyone else,” she laughed.

You gave her a half smile. “Okay then, thank you very much, Vic,”

The rest of the day would be crying while you curled up in your bed, you’d let yourself feel at your worst; promising that you would try and change that the next day.

———----------------------------------------------

You expected the first few days to be the hardest, but it seemed to get worse with each passing day. Damiano had tried to call you a few times and in all of them you responded dryly, using short words, pretending it’d be okay. You truly tried, but you needed time to process what happened. You told him that, and then time he gave you.

After completing a month of the incident, you noticed how 'dependent' you had become on him. He was always around since you were kids, any problem you had you would look for him to talk to, now you felt like you had nothing. Your friends were friends of his, too, more of his friends than yours. You missed having Thomas failing on teaching you how to play guitar on your couch and besides you thought about calling him - just to distract yourself - you remembered that he was more a friend of Damiano than yours. It’d be weird. None of them contacted you at that time, not even Thomas. You couldn't figure it out if Dami had told them what happened and they decided to give you space or if they just didn't care about you when you wasn’t around Damiano.

Basically, where Dami was you would be and vice versa. It had always been like that.

When you saw that just time wasn’t solving anything, you programmed yourself to live in a way that you were busy all the time. Your routine became work, home and most of the time taking the work to be done also in your home. You didn't feel energized to make new friends, and going out on dates could help momentarily but it wouldn't be fair to go out with someone in the ‘mood’ you were in; then these ideas were soon discarded. Sleeping was impossible, you spent hours rolling over in bed; both for the flashbacks that plagued your mind, but also for the fact that you missed him. The nights were worse when you visit your mother or when she called and said, "Dami never came to see me again." or something like. “Are you still talking to each other? We don't let someone like Damiano leave our lives.”

Deep down, you knew there was no way you could be in love with him forever and that no matter how much it hurt at that moment it would pass. You started to repeat it to yourself as much as you could, so when the boys got in touch with you again you didn't hesitate to answer. Nothing bad would happen, you just need to pretend to be fine. The first to send you a message was Thomas, with simple questions, he acted like nothing had happened, you liked it. Even though it was obvious that Thomas, as one of his boys, would know this in more detail than you did (which was a lie, but at least he knew how Damiano was feeling about it, which you wouldn't know). He updated you about Dami, who was great as always, and you said you were doing well when he asked. You answering him made Ethan talk to you too, although they were all polite and delicate, they seemed more to be sorry than to miss you. Pity wasn’t something you were expecting.

After five months, you still felt like crap. You had tried to stop counting the days that had passed since you last saw Damiano, but it was almost impossible. You could still remember that night vividly, but you were still trying your best to move on; leave it behind. Mysteriously, you wanted to see him, see how he was doing and find out if he had anything else to say but you were afraid to see him, go back to your place as his best friend just to realize that your feelings for him had not abated at all.

“...I haven't seen you in a while. I wonder if you're alright,” you heard when answering your phone. Your head hurt, your eyes stung. You had slept on spreadsheets that you brought home from your work.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Shit,” she murmured.

You looked at the phone screen. “Sorry Vic, I just woke up I'm still trying to copy.” You laughed to calm her down.

“I thought I didn't have my number,” her voice became softer, as if she was relieved that you had saved it. “I didn't want to wake you up, I'm sorry about that. I just wanted to know how you‘re doing, since I used to see you almost every day, y’know?”

You thought about saying that you saved her number the day Dami called to pick him up at a bar since his phone battery was dead and he was in no condition to drive, but Victoria clearly knew that. “Is Dami with you?”

“No,” her tone matched yours; Dami had told her, now she was being careful with her words. “I saved your number the day Dami needed to call you, in case I needed to call you again.”

“That’s alright, thanks for checking on me then.”

“But he would love to talk to you. He always asks the boys about you or comments on you so that someone can bring you up to the convo. He seems a bit lost when you not ‘round to be honest.”

Somehow hearing that made you happy. Still, the image of discomfort whenever you thought of talking to him scared you. The phone line was filled with silence, until Victoria's husky voice filled the line.

“Anyway, I didn't call you to talk about Damiano. We finally finished the album and decided to have a small celebration at my house,” you giggle at the formality. “We thought you should go, since you were present in more than half of the process. I‘d like you to come. We’d all like you to come.”

———

Your heart accelerated with each step you took as you entered Victoria's house. The rooms had a glow of being calm and the music that was playing helped to make the place cozy. The instrumental of the band reminded you of Fleetwood Mac, and for the little that you knew Vic you would say that the type of sound reminded you of her.

Her house wasn’t crowded, there were only a few people around; some you’ve seen before, some you haven’t. You thundered your fingers over some vinyl that were arranged in a corner, pretending to read them. You were looking for familiar faces, honestly even for Damiano, but for some unknown reason you didn't want to make that obvious. Your eyes captured Thomas talking to some girls, and soon you felt relieved to be dressed according to the occasion; or at least according to the girls who were close to Thomas. It didn't take long until he noticed you standing there, you waved and he came to you. He looked surprised, still he didn't wait for you to say anything else, just wrapped you in his arms so tight you had to ask him to let go in between muffled laughter.

“Vic working miracles! Come, I'll take you to the others.” He said in his cute form, holding your hand as guiding you through the house. “So, how's our best girl?”

Your lips parted in a smile. “I’m alright, pretty much the same to be honest,” there was no time for him to ask another question because you soon spotted Ethan and Victoria with their beers in hands. They seemed to be shocked to see you as well; and it was starting to irritate you for reasons you couldn't explain. Thomas put you behind him, hiding you from the two of them as if they hadn't seen you already. He was being such a sweetheart that he had even managed to soften the anxious butterflies in your stomach; but not enough to keep your mind free of worries and Damiano David. Thomas made a funny noise with his hands as Ethan ignored his attempt to be amusing, pulling you into a hug. Who would have thought you would have missed them so much.

“How long without seeing you, I force you not to do that again. Without you we are just another disorganized mess.” You laughed at his nonsense. Your smile was sincere, like it hadn't been for months, still you were forcing yourself a bit more to appear to be actually 'fine'. You’d like to know if they noticed, even though you were appreciating that they didn’t.

“No worries, I‘m not planning on leaving you guys alone.”

Ethan and Thomas started to discuss about something, Ethan was already under the effect of alcohol, and from time to time they asked for your opinion on how Victoria had been strangely quiet. Atypical of her, but she didn't seem to be out of place or uncomfortable, just quiet.

“Did a cat eat the tongue of my newest attractive friend?”

“Not this time,” she showed you her tongue, and then smirked. Her eyes shone in differently way under your gaze and her make up was making her look more mature. “Are you feelin’ good? Thank you for coming.” Victoria was happy to see you, you could feel that. She might be curious, but pity wasn’t something possible to see in her; different from the other boys. “You must be tired of hearing that question, I'm sorry. It‘ll no longer be asked.”

Her voice was soft, comfortable to hear. “I appreciate that. I really have heard a lot of that, but despite everything, I feel good ‘bout bein’ here.”

“I feel even happier that you came then,” she put her hand gently on your waist. The other two didn't even remember you and Vic were there. “Let's get you something to drink, we bought that red drink Damiano always says you love.”

“No way, it’s bishop cocktail?” You looked at her, a big grin on your face, even though you remembered that this was the drink you were drinking when the universe decided it would be a good idea for you and Dami to have a one-night stand. Just a lovely reminder. “Have you mixed everything up? like the rum with the red wine? or with red drink you just want to say you bought wine?” You asked, ignoring your internal conflicts. Everything would be fine, you ket repeating to yourself.

“In fact, I remember once hearing you comment you didn't mind it being mixed up in a random bottle.”

She pulled a glass bottle out of a bucket full of ice and you couldn't believe she remembered that; given that you could count on your fingers the times that you had actually spoken to her. You didn’t avoid each other, just didn’t have much of the opportunities.

“Oh my god, that’s so fuckin’ lovely.” You whispered. She was quick to pick up a glass and hand it to you, filling it with the so well remembered liquid. You took a sip, and the taste - or alcohol - made your butterflies calmer. “Thanks for that, tastes like heaven.” She took a glass for herself, by her expression she thought it was a waste of rum. “C’mon, it’s not that bad.”

“If you think so, who am I to deny.”

“Don’t be a bummer,” you bumped your shoulder with hers, eliciting a cute sound from her that made you laugh as well.

You wish that sensation had lasted longer, even so when a random girl approached you to ask something, you felt heavy; like a sign. Her hair was golden in perfect waves and her face was angelic in an almost divine way. You might have been overreacting, but she was the type to catch all the attention to herself.

“You’re Y/N, right? I was startin’ to think that I’d never get to know you.” She hugged you tight and you wondered if she really didn't know you. When she released you, you felt your heart breaking right there in front of her. She was wearing Dami's sweater; the same one from that night, the same one that you wore. You wanted to be wrong, but you’d know that sweater from a distance even after years. “He talks so much about you. Can you believe we never met?” She asked, alternating her gaze between you and Victoria. She had been silent, you had forgotten that she was still there. Your head was miles away in thoughts, making you dizzy.

“Hi, Bella,” Victoria said. You remembered that name. Damiano talked about her on a few occasions, anyways he didn't seem to be in love - or you just didn’t want to see that. Maybe you haven’t been able to read him due to your stupid passion. “How’s everything?”

She started talking to Victoria and you couldn't concentrate on listening; all the alcohol in the world would not ease what you were feeling. How long have they been together? What was so special about her that Damiano gives her his favorite sweater? Were they together when you slept together? How did she end up with the same sweater you slept in that day?

She held the cup that was in your hands and handed it to Victoria. “Are you okay, hon’? You look a lil’ unwell. Do you want me to get you some water?”

“No need, I’m alright,” she patted your arm, and then checked your temperature. She was being nice, yet you couldn't pretend to be interested in being there anymore.

Thankfully, Victoria put an arm around your shoulders, asking if you want to join her to have a smoke. “It’ll be good, fresh air will do good to you.”

You agreed. Bella was worried and you felt bad about having to run away from her. She looked like an incredible person, sure Damiano was lucky to have her, that was just too much for you.

“Do this, you will feel better. We can talk later and so you can tell me everything about you and Dami, I’d love to hear you, since you’ve known each other for so long.” You looked for some irony in her voice, but you didn't found it. She was interested in you; after all, you were her boyfriend's best friend. It made sense.

Victoria guided you to the balcony, or at least halfway to it. Midway, someone stopped to talk to her, she tried to dismiss the person, however, as it was a thing related to the album, she would have no way out. “Victoria, it’s fine, I need some time alone.” You whispered to her, patting on her arm. She looked at you reluctantly, but understand. There wouldn't be much she could do for you.

Entering the balcony you felt an absurd urge to cry, your eyes itched and your legs were trembling. Was being in love meant to hurt this much, or was it just a game of chance?

You tried to take a deep breath, ease your heartbeats, telling yourself it was okay. You just needed to calm down. You leaned your body against the wall and watched the place. The plants near the fence - which you didn't know how Victoria had time to take care of them - the streets, and then the sky. Starry and moist, made for good memories that wouldn't come to you. When you felt ready enough to go out and face the party again, you ran into the one you were trying to avoid, Dami. Minutes ago you were anxious with the possibility to see him to know how he was, now you just wanted to run away and wipe these last months out of your mind.

“Y/N,” his body collided with yours while his arms wrapped around you, it was supposed to be a good thing, that you‘d feel safe as the same way you used to feel, except that was uncomfortable now. You couldn't even respond to his hug, for a second you thought you would escape without having to see him. He noticed and gave you space. “I swore that you wouldn't come. My god, it's so good to see you.” He ran his hands through his hair and you remained paralyzed in front of him.

You tried to focus on your breathing so that your voice came out without too many complications. “Yeah... It's good to see you, you look great.” It didn't work, your voice was shaky making your lie sound even worse. He looks great, you didn't lie, he seemed even happier and well rested. You wondered if it was because the album was ready or because now he had Bella.

You forced a smile, but unlike the others, Damiano knew you were acting. He didn’t judge or question, his face became tense, apprehensive. He knew that nothing was right.

“I thought about callin’ you more, goin’ to see you or something. The boys convinced me that it‘d be better not, that it could be even hard for you. I wonder if I shouldn't have done something different to help you because I know I fucked up too.” His hands were undecided between running through his hair and staying inside his pockets. He was nervous, at the same relieved to have spoken to you.

“It wasn't your fault, I’d never blame you for that,” you sighed, smiling slightly. It felt terrible to make him feel that way about it, but there wasn't much you could do. “I'm glad you gave me space when I asked, it's still hard to see you or think about talkin’ to you. It is as if everything that is tormenting me comes all at once.” It was good to say that to him. He nodded and you looked at each other for a while. It wasn't as uncomfortable as you thought it would be.

He was a few feet away from you while you were admiring the night, with your back against the wall. You wanted to leave, maybe go cry in your bed until you fell asleep, still you wanted things to work out with Dami, you wanted that tension and fear of seeing him to get out of your head. Despite that, if it was necessary to suffer in that process, it would not be worth it.

“She’s amazing,” it hurt to say that, but it was the truth. “Bella’s amazing, lucky girl.” You smiled sadly. Saying her name and seeing Dami smiling at that made you thank God for not seeing the two of them together, hugging or kissing. He‘d probably put his hand on her waist while she was talking to one of his friends or giving lightly kisses to her temple, just because he felt like it. Damiano was the cute type, you've seen it before.

“She is, an amazing person. She was all happy to have spoken to you. I told her all about our teenage years and how you always supported the band,” He had told her about you, would he have told her about you being in love with him? You thought to ask, soon giving up. It’d be shameful if so. “If I knew you would be here I’d not have come with her.” It made you think that he had told her.

“What would you do? Would you hide me from her for the rest of your life?” You sighed. it was supposed to sound like a joke, regrettably your voice sounded too cruel for that.

“It’s not like that,” he mumbled. “I was just tryin’ to think of you and—“

“I think I need to go Dami, it’s being too much. I’m sorry.” You needed to get out of there, you couldn't stop the tears anymore and you knew it was a bad idea to talk about her with him.

You took a few steps back just for Damiano to grab at your arm, without putting strength, just like a few months ago, to stop you in front of him. You turned your face away from looking at his eyes, feeling as the tears run down your cheek. You'd never be able to face him, this situation was only proving that to you even more.

“Please, Y/N. Just tell me what I need to do. I will do anything for you to talk to me again. I need you, you know that. The past few weeks have been a mess without you around. Even little my mom misses you. I’d do anything to have you back like before.” He was about to cry, his eyes shone with tears and it was painful to watch. He could do anything for you to stay; except what would make you stay. Unfortunately, it didn't depend only on his good will.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this,” you said in a lack of air, signaling the space around you with your finger. “But this, this is too much. It kills me to have to be close to you or to be close to things or people that remind me of you, seeing someone else with you doesn't help at all. I still think about the fact that we slept together... I can’t just forget it ‘cause it meant so much to me and to you, to you? it was nothing.” You were out of breath, you just wanted to cry in peace, put everything out until there was nothing left.

He released his hands of you, his face red and damp. It wasn't going to be easy for either of you. Time wouldn't matter; it wouldn’t change a thing because whenever you looked at him you’d wonder about how things could have been like if he had chosen you.

He whispered one more time that he was sorry, then let you go. He could have stopped you, but it's not like he knew what to do anymore.

He watched as you walk out without even looking back.

——-

You went through the party walking fast, avoiding acquaintances and questions about why you were like that. Your body was heavy as well as your conscience. Outside the house the street was empty, the streetlights illuminated the sidewalk and along with the silence of the street you felt invited to sit there. You brought your knees close to your body, trying to breathe calmly. Pulling the air in, and then releasing it in a normal way. Your heart was beating so fast that your whole body was agitated. You tried to stay still. You squeezed your eyes shut, feeling a little dizzy when you saw someone walk out the front door of the house. You dropped your knees, trying to look decent, but gave up as soon as the person came closer to you and you saw that it was Victoria. She sat next to you, pulling you into a hug. You were happy that she went to you.

“I’m fine,” you murmured, hugging her waist and hiding your face in the fabric of her shirt.

“Stop saying that you’re fine when you’re far from being fine, I won’t judge you sweetheart,” she comforted you, giving you a extra squeezing. You were far from being alright, but it helped, having someone there helped.

She placed her chin on top of your head, soothing you until your crying softened. She rubbed your back and whispered that it’d be okay.

“Did Damiano send you here?”

“No, darlin’. He said that you had talked, and then you had to leave, he didn't look well, I thought you wouldn't be either.”

“And then you decided to look out for me?” You laughed, still tucked in her warm arms.

“Yep, sounds like you need me, don’t you think?” She laughed too, causing the vibration of her chest next to yours make you feel taken in.

“Why’s love so painful?”

Victoria didn't answer, she was thoughtful for a few minutes, and then she stood up, holding out her hand for you.

“What?”

“I won’t be taking no as an answer, you’ll get in the car with me and we will do something, anything, drink milk shakes, fill up our bellies with pizza ‘til we can't take it anymore, or even rob a bank.” She held you by the waist, lifting you up for her. “Please,”

You didn't see why not to accept. There was nothing worse that could get even worse at the moment, maybe going somewhere would do you good. “Even rob a bank?” She nodded, pointing to where her car was.

A smile spreading across her lovely face as you realized you’d go anywhere she wanted with her. “Yes, even robbing a bank.”

#damiano david #damiano david x reader #måneskin #victoria de angelis #victoria de angelis x reader #damiano david fanfiction #damiano imagine #damiano angst #maneskin #fanfic #fiction #imagines #maneskin x reader #writing

702 notes · View notes

calumxkisses · 4 years ago

Text

Sweet Creature | c.h.

pairing: calum hood x reader

genre: angst to fluff

warnings: i think implied smut?

summary: request - Heeyyy, can you do one, where they have a big fight and they are in quarentine, and they stop talking to each other, and the sleep in different rooms, with cal... kiss from brazil 🇧🇷

a/n: this is one of my favorite song! let me know what you think about it! i hope you enjoyed it ;)

you should read this imagine while listening to: sweet creature

➳

“What the hell is wrong with you?” a scream comes out of your lungs. Your face has turned red, your head hurts and you feel your heart pounding. Your throat is now dry and you feel your nails sticking into the palm of your hand.

What Calum notices, however, are the tears running down your face and the pain behind your eyes. What hurts him the most, though, is knowing he is the cause of your pain. He would like to hug you, tell you that he is sorry, that he loves you and that he doesn't even remember why you are fighting, but his pride prevents him from being the person he would like to be. The person you are in love with.

“All you do is whine.” he screams out, rolling his eyes and letting out a snort.

This discussion was the straw that broke the camel's back, filled by being forced to stay at home, by a canceled tour and canceled parties but, above all, by the concern of a world that is in chaos, with a fatal virus that spreads like wildfire.

He is worried, he feels the burden of not having to disappoint anyone, of being a good person who says the right things, of being a child who cares about their parents who live on the other side of the world and cannot go to visit, reassure, and that he can only see through a mobile phone screen.

“I have a right to be angry, you know that, right?” Your voice calms down a bit, but anger still runs through your veins. You walk up and down the room, with one hand on your forehead and being careful not to step on the broken glass of the fallen vase.

Calum has spent the last few weeks in the studio, out in the garden practicing, or locked in a room, anywhere but with you. He preferred to wake up early and go to sleep late, feel cold instead of holding you and skipping meals to avoid being with you.

For the first time in days, you get a good look at him: his hair has grown, as has the beard surrounding his face, he has terrible dark circles and the vein on his neck comes out prosperous, underlining how much he is screaming.

You felt abandoned, alone, left on the sidelines, and your feelings were amplified by the impossibility of going to someone, just to escape from that situation, to be held by someone else or just to talk over a coffee with a friend.

The only thing you could have done, was to ask him why, what you had done to deserve such treatment, and to spend some time together. And that’s where the scream started.

Tears roll down your face and you run your hand under your eyes to wipe them away. If you didn't notice them before, now the pinch caused by their wake has become hard to ignore.

“Are you going to cry now? God, you’re making me regret being with you. I really wish you weren’t born.”

Calum feels the pain it caused you before even reading the expression on your face. He puts his hand in front of his mouth in hopes of being able to block the words, but they have already left his lips and have come straight into your ears, getting stuck under your skin and breaking even the last pieces of the broken heart you have left.

His words hit you like a bolt from the blue. Arguing often leads to saying unthinkable words and among all the things you've been yelling at each other in the last hour, some bad words have certainly escaped, but nothing so terrible.

You feel a pain in your chest never felt before, deep and intense, and even the tears stop flowing. You inhale deeply, seeking relief in a breath of air and waiting for your body to react in any way, all is better than feeling full of pain. The room starts spinning, your head feels full and empty at the same time, and your legs struggle to bear the weight of your body.

Calum carefully scans your face, looking for any reaction from you to understand how much your mind has absorbed his words. His stress, his worries have led him to be a different person and the fear that you may leave him has terrified him, but his insecurities have done the opposite of what one expects, making he walk away from you and treating you coldly, and now he fears that he is really on the verge of being alone, with his broken heart in his hands, ready to mend every wound himself.

You didn’t deserve this.

“I can’t do this anymore. Not with you.” You whisper, lifting your face and looking him straight in the eye. The words he used, the coldness of his tones and the loneliness in which he left you have piled on top of each other on your chest, making it difficult for you to even breathe. You need time, space, whatever helps you figure out what to do.

“What do you mean?” He asks in a shaky voice. His eyes are glossy, his hands are shaking and his face has lost color. His heart carries so much goodness and you know it wasn't his intention to hurt you, but his words were like stab wounds and you need to take care of them now.

You don't want to leave, and not because you can't take a plane, but because Calum means too much to you and leaving is not an option to consider. If it ever ends up between you, after all you've been through, it should be in a more dignified way and not because of a stupid fight and insincere words.

“I’m going to sleep in the guest room for a while and then we’ll see what to do.” Is all you can say and all you can do.

“So you’re not leaving?”

“I don’t think so, at least not now.”

Silence.

And that silence means everything and nothing.

You pick up the pieces of your shattered heart and, after casting one last look at the boy in front of you, you take refuge in a room that doesn't belong to you. The air in the guest room is different, you can't breathe the love that characterizes every corner of yours and Calum's and even the sheets seem different, cold, painful. You put a hand through your hair and lean on the door, slowly sliding towards the floor and letting go of your frustration.

Calum closes his eyes and puts his hands to his face as his body slumps onto the sofa behind him. The house reigns in silence, the only audible sound is your sobs in another room and, before he knows it, he starts crying too. He doesn't care about wiping his face or stopping the moans that come out of his mouth, he deserves to feel awful and humiliate himself like that, the guilt is devouring him and he just thinks about how he wishes he could disappear, to make your life easier.

When you first met, he knew you were the right person from the first look you gave him. Behind your eyes, deep in the irises, there was a whole world, made of kindness, love and joy. You had your demons, but the strength you emanated made it clear that you were able to overcome them, even without knowing it. A world that he wanted to discover, with delicacy and patience, and in which he wanted to live.

But what he feared most was bringing darkness into the light you emanated, turning your smiles into tears and your heart into a mass of sharp pieces.

He had told you, while you were eating some heated pizza on a rainy morning, your legs were on his and your face on his shoulder. And you had caressed his face, wiping away the dirt on his lip with your thumb, assuring him that you would have love him anyway and that you would have happily shared some of your light, and then you had kissed him, and that kiss tasted like tomato sauce and love, a combination you still love with all your heart.

And now, the only thing he can do, besides pitying himself, is wondering if you're regretting sharing your joy with him, if you'd rather stay full of light instead of welcoming his demons. And he fears your answer is yes.

Duke rubs his face on his leg, asking for scratches but also showing his affection. He doesn't know what happened and Calum wonders if the dog, who loves you more than any other person has crossed the threshold of your home, would look at him differently knowing that he broke the heart of the person he loves most.

If so, as his mind is trying to convince him, he couldn't handle it. He would not be able to live knowing that he has let down another being he cares about. Because he cares about you, but it is difficult for him to show it, the fear of rejection is stronger than he would like.

So, he lowers himself a little and gently strokes the dog, hoping to be able to receive that affection he is so afraid of losing.

As Calum's world shatters before his eyes, you take care to gently reassemble what's left of yours. You're still on the floor, getting up takes too much energy and a motivation that you can't find.

How you feel about the guy down the hall cannot be described in words, there is no way to describe what his gaze makes you feel, the way his words reassure you or how his love warms your heart up. It just works like this. Your love does not need big gestures or difficult words and never like now, it is better to absorb the silence and be lulled by the air.

Perhaps it would have been better to remain silent, let the cold of his words slip on you and learn to live in the loneliness in which he left you, but you couldn't go on like this. Not fighting would have meant not caring about him or your relationship and that's exactly the opposite of how things are. He had to know how you felt and what you were missing.

The sweet sound of his voice or the warmth of his skin are essential for you, not only on a love level, but in the daily routine of your life. A routine that had changed, which was no longer full of joy and smiles, light and perfume, but of demons that wandered undeterred around the walls of your home, ready to bring the cold into your souls.

And that routine, once full of love, was now non-existent. No more words had been said between you, no meal had been eaten together and your bed had forgotten what love meant. The stars, ever present witnesses of the passion that surrounded your bodies, were now always absent, covered by gray clouds and black skies. Even the moon, which guards all lovers, shone with a paler and more blurred light.

The moon gave way to the sun, the grass grew and the days alternated on the calendar. And yet, it seemed to you that you were still still that afternoon. Sure, breathing had become less difficult and the tears had stopped flowing on your face, but even in the middle of spring the coldness brought chills on your body.

You have no idea what he is doing, occasionally you see the shadow of his shoes behind the door of the guest room or you hear broken melodies coming from the studio, but his face becomes more and more unknown.

You spend your days studying, working, playing with Duke or reading your favorite books. You wake up late and go to sleep early, hoping to feel less lonely.

The truth, however, is that you miss him immensely, like water in the desert or milk after eating spicy food. You need to be able to get lost in his eyes or just hold his hand. The headache meds don't work like his kisses on your forehead, and no number of blankets could bring you the same warmth that a hug from him gives off.

You feel so pathetic to need him by your side, but after so many years of loneliness, he was able to convince you that you were worthy of being loved just like everyone else and, specifically, that he would love you more than anyone else. And he had done it, always and anyway, for the sake of the joyful news and the bad of your depression, he had always been there, ready to show you that you were worth it.

He wants to do it, he wants to continue to hold you and to tell you how beautiful you are, how honored he feels to be the keeper of your heart and the champion of your love, but he believes that no apology would bring serenity to your sky.

What is he supposed to do? No words would express the humiliation he feels whenever he thinks back to your fight and his behavior, no hug or kiss would bring love into your broken heart.

He spent his nights awake, the insomnia caused by his thoughts was making it impossible for him to live. The table seemed too big and the bed too uncomfortable, the bass was always out of tune even as he spent hours adjusting its strings and no melody seemed catchy enough to lift your mood in the other room. He knew that when you were sick, listening to him play brought some peace to your troubled world, but now no sound would chase the bad weather away.

None of his gestures would be enough to show how bad he feels. Nothing can express the pain he feels and the regret of his words.

However, 3 years of relationship is enough for him to know what makes you smile. There is one song in particular, in the immense repertoire that is your music library, that you love to hum and listen to when the silence is too loud.

So, wearing his best shirt and trying to fix the clump of his hair, he sits down at the piano in the living room and, after taking a deep breath, he tries to voice his thoughts.

Sweet creature

Had another talk about where it's going wrong

But we're still young

We don't know where we're going

But we know where we belong

And oh we started

Two hearts in one home

It's hard when we argue

We're both stubborn

I know, but oh

As you put down your favorite book after reading it again, Calum's sweet, broken voice spreads throughout the house, bringing a sense of comfort to your heart. You can hear the pain behind his voice, and even though you know your wounds will take some time to heal, the words he screamed at you lose their value. One part of you is still angry but the other, curious and in love, wastes no time getting you out of bed and walking towards the room.

The piano overlooks the garden, the sun shines above and illuminates all the plants. Duke is chasing a butterfly, its tail wags quickly and some leaves are stuck in its fur. Calum has his back to you, his back leaning slightly forward as he looks outward, but his mind wanders somewhere else.

You lean on the door jamb that separates the two rooms and close your eyes, letting yourself be carried away by the music and breathing regularly, giving your body respite from all the accumulated stress.

Sweet creature, sweet creature

Wherever I go, you bring me home

Sweet creature, sweet creature

When I run out of road, you bring me home

Sweet creature

We're running through the garden

Oh, where nothing bothered us

But we're still young

I always think about you and how we don't speak enough

Calum watches the garden as the lyrics of the song automatically come out of his mouth. He was never good at playing the piano but, during the nights spent away from you over the years, he promised himself to learn all your favorite songs so he could sing them to you whenever you needed them.

And while Duke rolls around in the grass, he can't help but think about the thousand picnics you had on that same lawn, the laughter you shared and all those moments when he always fell in love a little more looking at you.

And even if the song doesn't belong to him, he can still feel every single word and a small tear falls down his face.

And oh we started

Two hearts in one home

I know, it's hard when we argue

We're both stubborn

I know, but oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature

Wherever I go, you bring me home

Sweet creature, sweet creature

When I run out of road, you bring me home

You take a few steps forward and, after taking a deep sigh, sit next to him. Calum winces at the contact but his face turns into a big smile after seeing you. He doesn't know if you're still mad at him or if his singing worked, but being able to see you again after so many days spent in agony brings a sense of peace to his messed up world. He knows that this song is not enough, that he will have to prove a lot more to you - even if you will probably forbid it - but knowing that he has you there, frees him from a weight that he carried inside.

And as usual, there is no need for words, he just needs to feel your head resting on his shoulder to know that you have come back to him. And when your hands touch his, he feels at home again.

Almost automatically, your hands begin to move to the rhythm of the music and your fingers touch the keys of the piano, accompanying Calum in the melody, just as he taught you.

Duke is rolling in the grass, the butterfly now forgotten, and his happy face is illuminated by the sun. It seems that the sky has returned to shine too, not just your eyes, and the pieces of the puzzle fit together perfectly again.

I know when we started

Just two hearts in one home

It gets harder when we argue

We're both stubborn

I know, but oh

Sweet creature, sweet creature

Wherever I go, you bring me home

Sweet creature, sweet creature

When I run out of road, you bring me home

You'll bring me home

There was no need to talk to him, or to explain, risking losing you was necessary for him to understand that something was wrong, that he had to find the right path, that you can risk skidding, the important thing is getting back on track.

“I am grateful to your mother for bringing you into the world, but even more grateful to you for being a part of my life. I'm sorry for what I said, I didn’t mean it. I love you and I always will.” He whispers, placing his hands on his thighs, as soon as he finishes singing the last words. His words are sincere, you can perceive the displeasure behind his tone and you know he believes what he says.

He kisses you on the forehead and, taking your hand in his and squeezing it, he rests his face on your head, closing his eyes and absorbing the silence, a cautious silence, full of peace and fresh air.

“I love you too.” You whisper back, closing your eyes in turn and letting yourself be lulled by the peace and serenity found. You know that everything will be fine, that even if you’ll have other fights, you will always find a way to get back to each other.

#calum hood #calum hood imagine #calum hood imagines #calum imagine #calum x reader #calum hood x you #calum 5 seconds of summer #calum hood x reader #5 seconds of summer #5sos imagine #5sos imagines #ashton 5 seconds of summer #luke 5 seconds of summer #michael 5 seconds of summer #calum 5sos

649 notes · View notes