#wish i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't *''screw you you bitch'' glasses push* i didn't I DON'T
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secret santa [ficmas day 12] [stiles stilinski x afab!reader]
↳ masterlist ↳ ship exchange ↳ taglist ↳ ficmas 2024
@mayfieldss: Since you're extending ficmas may I request stiles stilinski and secret santa plssssss
author's note: my boyfriend said that if teen wolf had modern slang it would be one of the worst things he'd ever watch
playlist:
buy me presents -- sabrina carpenter
christmas caller -- beach bunny
santa, can't you hear me -- kelly clarkson & ariana grande
"Why did Lydia think this was a good idea?" Stiles groaned, opening the 'Secret Santa email.' Scott was sitting on his bed doing homework while Stiles debated the merits of ignoring the email.
"Because she says this is cheaper than us all having to get gifts for each other."
Stiles ignored that comment and opened the email to receive his assignment. He could think of a few different ideas for the various people in his life. Scott was easy; they were best friends. Isaac could get an embroidered scarf that said, 'I'm bitter for no reason.' Derek could get a new personality, although Stiles didn't know how much that would cost.
He watched the wheel spin on the automated Secret Santa email, and against his best wishes, he got your name.
"No, no, no," Stiles kept trying to refresh the page, hoping for a different answer. Scott looked up in personality, getting off the bed to see his screen. He started laughing when he saw your name.
"You're screwed."
"This is awful!" Stiles spun around in his chair. "I can't get the girl I like a gift; she's going to hate it."
"Probably."
"Has anyone ever told you that you're not helpful?" Stiles looked at Scott, raising his brow. Scott patted him on the shoulder. Stiles hit his shoulder, and it quickly devolved into a wrestling match with Stiles in a headlock and Scott getting kicked in the face. Sheriff Stilinski entered a second later. He took one look at the scene and left a second later.
After Stiles lost in wrestling, they ended up at the mall. They agreed that it was the most likely place to find a gift. Scott had to shop for Isaac, which Stiles was weirdly envying at this moment.
"Okay, we're going to split up. Meet in an hour at the food court."
"For food?"
"Yes," Stiles sighed. "And to check progress."
"But also for food?" Scott questioned. "I've been craving a corndog."
"Scott, I need you to lock in," Stiles groaned. He had been staring out at the bright expanse of the mall and was already developing a migraine. "We have a mission."
"You have a mission," Scott nudged Stiles with his shoulder. "I'm doing fine."
"I really hate you," Stiles muttered as Scott took off towards whatever he smelled. Likely a pretzel. He was strangely food-motivated.
Stiles checked out Bath and Body Works first, but after feeling like he would pass out from the smells, he elected to leave. He wandered into a Brandy Melville and got offended by the sizing (or lack thereof). He then sat on a bench outside the darkest clothing store he'd ever seen. Just as Stiles wished for divine intervention, Lydia came into sight. She beelined over to him immediately.
"Do I want to know why you're here?" she asked, arms crossed. Stiles squinted up at her.
"Because of your stupid Secret Santa and my stupid assignment," Stiles said, sinking further into his bench. Lydia sat down next to him.
"You got Y/N, didn't you?"
"How–"
"I know things," Lydia pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Stiles glared at her. She crossed her legs, looking over at Stiles. "I'm going to help you because you make me sad."
"Thanks."
"What have you thought of so far?"
Stiles pondered for a second.
"A sexy candle."
"Okay, I'm going to say no to that immediately," Lydia opened her purse, grabbed out a lipgloss, and reapplied it. Stiles had no idea why she needed to reapply it. "Let's go look around at a few places."
Stiles wished for Scott in that moment. Scott didn't stress him out to no end. Lydia dragged him to eleven different stores and shot down almost all of his ideas. He was ready to quit, move to a different state, and change his name in order to avoid disappointing you at Secret Santa. You were too important to him to disappoint. Right as Stiles' legs started hurting, he saw one store that gave him pause.
"I'm going in there," Stiles announced, ignoring Lydia's protests. It was a traditional gift store with various accessories, gag gifts, home decor, and more. He avoided the seasonal aisle and the stupid kitchen towels with quotes on them to make a beeline for the kids' section, specifically the stuffed animal section.
He saw a floppy Snoopy and pulled it off the top shelf. Stiles showed Lydia.
"What do you think?" Stiles asked. He was out of breath from his quick run into the store. "She loves Snoopy; she mentions it whenever there's a Snoopy thing."
Lydia smiled, taking the Snoopy from him. She gave it a few squishes for good measure.
"It's perfect; nice job, Stiles."
"Thank you," Stiles beamed. He tossed the Snoopy back and forth between his hands. "Who did you get for Secret Santa?"
"Derek."
"Just get him a new personality."
"I hope you know that both you and Y/N said that," Lydia rolled her eyes. Stiles grinned, moving to the cash register to buy his Snoopy. He paid a little extra to get it wrapped (he can't wrap it for his life) and skipped out of the store. Stiles pulled out his phone to check the time, guessing he should probably be catching back up with Scott. He, of course, ran into you at that exact moment.
Literally ran into it.
"Hey, Stiles," you laughed, catching him by the shoulders. His cheeks burned red as he saw who it was.
"Hey!" he grimaced. "What are you doing here?"
"Probably the same as you, Secret Santa shopping," you shrugged. He liked whatever you did with your hair today. However, Stiles has always loved whatever you did. You eyed the bag in his hand. "Did you get something already?"
"Yeah…I had help from Lydia," Stiles scratched the back of his neck.
"I'll see you around, Stilinski," you punched his shoulder, running off to who knows where. Stiles was still frozen in place a second later. He shook himself out of his stupor, immediately running to the food court to look for Scott.
~
Scott and Stiles showed up in matching ugly Christmas sweaters to Lydia's Secret Santa party. They were very proud that they found not one but two of them at Goodwill and felt it was a theme to show up in. Lydia was not amused.
She almost refused to let them in.
Stiles was excited to see that you were already there. You had on sparkly tights and a sweater dress, and Stiles was once again struck by the thought that you were the prettiest girl in the room. He suddenly felt very stupid in his sweater. You took notice as he approached.
"Oh, that's hilarious," you laughed, reading his top. It had all the reindeer decorating the tree on top of each other, saying 'Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, on top of Vixen.'
"That's what I thought. Lydia disagrees," Stiles sat down next to you. You curled up your legs underneath you.
"Lydia is stressed about the party."
"She throws the best parties; why is she stressed?" Stiles saw a platter of cookies out on the coffee table and took one for himself. He offered you half.
"Probably because you have to constantly be stressed to throw the best parties." You accepted half of his cookie.
"Touche."
Stiles was gleeful that he could talk to you until the present reveals started. Everyone else showed up, and at forty-five minutes past the hour, Lydia called everyone to attention to exchange gifts. Suddenly, Stiles felt very nervous.
It was easy for him to get caught up in everyone else's excitement and forget about his own doom, so when he received his gift (some nice plaid shirts from Allison), he got all clammy as he handed you yours. Your eyes lit up as you saw the bag.
"I knew it was for me," you whispered, recognizing the bag from the mall. Stiles shrugged, wringing his hands. You unwrapped it carefully and then let out a squeal of delight as you saw the Snoopy. Stiles let out a sigh of relief.
"I know you love Snoopy."
"Not just any Snoopy, Joe Cool Snoopy," you grinned, hugging the plush to your chest. "He's really cool."
"That's why they call him Joe Cool," Stiles answered. Lydia gave him a subtle nod from the other side of the room. Everyone else got to open their gifts, which is when Lydia brought out the champagne she stole from her Mom's stash. Very quickly, everyone got a pleasant buzz that only made the conversation louder. You nudged Stiles and gestured towards the kitchen, Snoopy still in hand. He followed after you.
You launched yourself at him as soon as you got in the kitchen.
"The gift is perfect," you mumbled, voice blocked by his shirt. Stiles thought you smelled like peppermint. You pulled away to look at him. "Thank you."
"A-Anything for you," Stiles stuttered, struck by how close you guys were. You didn't seem to notice or mind.
"I have a gift for you."
"You didn't get me in Secret Santa," Stiles asked, confused. You just shook your head.
"A gift of my own volition."
You leaned up and kissed him, lips still tasting of champagne. Stiles could do nothing but melt into you. He was dumbstruck when you parted.
"Merry Christmas, Stiles," you hummed. Stiles grinned, kissing you again.
"Merry Christmas, Y/N."
#stiles stilinski#stiles stilinski x reader#dylan obrien#dylan obrien x reader#teen wolf#teen wolf fics#my writing#ficmas#ficmas 2024
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The Archon's Baby - Chapter 13 - Parents
First Chapter Previous Chapter
Warnings: swearing, a nsfw joke, arguing, mentioned death, everyone's getting stressed at the impending abyssal attacks.
Fic under the cut, don't repost my stuff on other platforms, i have ao3. Reader is not the traveller. Reader's adoptive sisters are Chasca and Chuychu.
"There you are, young lady!"
"Fuck me…" you immediately froze, looking at Mavuika with wide eyes.
"That is how we got into this situation." She remarked quietly, turning her head to acknowledge your parents, who had Chuychu and Chasca trailing behind them. Chuychu gave you a wide-eyed look, while Chasca avoided looking at you entirely, instead looking for a way she could fly away from this family reunion. If only she had seen your begging look, wishing she could take you away with her… but Chasca's soulsniper whatever it was called only had room for her.
"What exactly did you think you were doing avoiding the tribe, your family for so long? Come over here so we can ground you without shouting across the stadium!"
"Ground me? I don't even live with you anymore!" you retorted, raising your voice much to Chuychu's horror, as she mouthed 'calm down' at you.
"Yet we agreed when you asked to move out, that you would visit. You three have been acting strange since the family dinner over a month ago." Your father reminded you, watching as you winced.
That last family dinner was the day you found out you were pregnant.
"It's a long story. I can't come back to the tribe, it's just safer if I stay at the stadium, stay near the Sacred Flame." Your eyes remained on the floor, your hands shaking until Mavuika's hand brushed yours, your fingers tangling with hers.
"Archon? I apologise but this is family business-" Your father was cut off by your mother, much to the lack of shock of their three daughters, "why do you need to be near the Flame? You weren't contaminated by the abyss, were you? Chuychu specialises in the abyss, she could have helped you in seconds-"
"I'm not sick, I'm just…" you let out a sigh, cutting off your parents before they assumed the complete wrong thing.
"Just what? What's wrong, little one?" you could feel their concern as your father began to fawn over you, your stomach twisting as your heartbeat beginning to thud loudly in your ears.
"I'm pregnant."
The silence was loud, even your sisters didn't dare speak. At least nobody had asked you to repeat what you said. Instead you waited, Mavuika feeling more and more awkward by the second as she felt your hand trembling in hers.
"Can someone please say something?" you hissed through gritted teeth, fighting back tears as you heard footsteps.
"Go lay down. Doctor's orders, this stress isn't good for you. Chasca and I will handle mama and papa." Chuychu gently rubbed your back, coaxing you away.
"Chuychu-" your father began, but he fell silent at the look on your face. The same vulnerable look he saw when the patrol found you all those years ago…
"She's not a kid anymore, papa. None of us are." Chasca cut in, trying to keep the peace as Mavuika went to follow you.
"Archon? You never answered my question." Your father spotted her about to leave, while your mother continued to observe you, spotting the signs immediately as she just muttered to herself. How did she miss the signs?
"The baby is mine, Cusco. I'm dating your daughter." Mavuika would have stayed longer, but you hurried back over, taking her hand and all but dragging her away, in turn saving her from the aftermath of that reveal.
"And now we're both screwed…" you led Mavuika back to the Speaker's Chamber, heading through to the personal chambers.
"That could have gone better…" Mavuika confessed, bringing you into her arms as you hands ran over the top of your shirt, lingering over your belly.
"I'm eleven weeks. They'll either be mad I didn't tell them earlier, or mad in general- I can't even finish my spiralling because I have to pee! And you need to organise the defences of the nation for fighting against the abyss-" you rambled as you headed to the toilet.
"It is in progress, my love." Mavuika explained through the bathroom door.
"What about-"
"The Traveller is currently helping out the Children of the Echoes, but I've heard from Amina and Wayna that those two have been all over Natlan, to the People of the Springs and the Scions of the Canopy too." Mavuika already knew what you wanted to ask, observing you as you returned, covering your face with your hand to hide a yawn.
"Good, that's good… Mualani said something about exploring with them."
"You should rest, we can deal with everyone when they've calmed down…" Mavuika cooed, coaxing you into bed, where you snuggled your face into her shoulder.
"A nap sounds nice…" you whispered as your eyes began to flutter, and sleep took its hold on you. Mavuika rested her face onto the crown of your head, listening to your breaths as she held you close. If she could stay in a moment like this forever, she would…
///
Atea passed away not a few days later, may the Wayob grant her peace, for her story will be remembered.
You watched her vision extinguish from the glowing red of pyro, to a cold grey-ish silver. A masterless vision, now in your hands, at her request.
Mavuika had become ensnared in preparations for abyss attacks, especially with Mualani's awakening as the next Ancient Name bearer. Only two were yet to awaken, and the abyss would do anything to stop the plan coming to fruition.
Xilonen had greeted you after her meeting with your lover, looking over you tenderly as you two pretended like the geo vision bearer didn't know you were pregnant. Or that you knew that she had just chewed your lover out for breaking Kinich's claymore and her sunglasses, oh and the entire debacle of the Traveller's ancient name. Instead, she petted your head, informing you that if you needed anything, you just had to ask her.
Meanwhile, with your sisters… Chasca was patrolling more and avoiding going home, while Chuychu was all over the place helping with anyone who had been injured. An agreement had been made however, the three of you would return to the tribe soon. Even your mother was reducing her workload to keep an eye on you and your sisters. Despite your anxieties, Mavuika was attempting to hide her fears too.
You were fast asleep, laying on your side with pillows to support you, while Mavuika was behind you, holding you as you slept. Her fingers gently ran over your growing belly, yet to be showing but you were entering the second trimester, so at least she hoped she'd get to see it. The news that you and your sisters would be returning home to your parents made her heart skip a beat. The abyss would have sensed your pregnancy early on, but being away from Mavuika gave it the perfect attempt to strike.
Isolating you from your family, no matter how many secrets your parents kept from you, was not an option. Maybe if Xilonen had her motorbike, Flamestrider, fixed up in time, she could get to you quickly? Although Chuychu may decide to join Chasca in the previous plans of killing their Archon if they saw their baby sister on the back of Mavuika's motorcycle. She had a helmet made for you ages ago, but it probably wasn't a good idea. Pregnant or not.
It didn't help that Mavuika now knew the fate of your birth parents, but was it her place to tell you? Would you want to know that your birth parents were killed by the Fatui on Natlan soil?
The theory was that your parents had been fleeing the organisation, but your birth may have taken them by surprise, leaving them to try settle in the outskirts. The Fatui hunted your parents down and killed them, getting interrupted by the incoming patrol of the Flower-Feather Clan's flying squad before they could kill you.
Cusco and his wife took you in, they already had Chuychu, but you'd never talked about when they took in Chasca, or how old you had all been when all of that happened. If Mavuika wanted to learn more about your childhood, she'd have to talk to you or Cusco, although that may be off the table after what she told him.
Atea and Mualani had mentioned how as children, Chasca would get into fights and Chuychu would drag her around after to apologise. She wasn't sure how you fitted into all of it.
"What's got you thinking so hard?" you croaked, keeping your eyes closed as your hands rested over Mavuika's, on your belly.
Mavuika only hummed, pressing a kiss to your cheek as you let out what could be described as a purr, before you began to shuffle around, but she resisted it.
"Nothing that should disturb your sleep, my love. Just some things Atea said to me."
"I miss her." she barely heard you speak, but she couldn't help but agree, closing her eyes and burying her face in your back.
"I miss her too."
///
From your knowledge and presence in the Speaker's Chamber over the last few days, you knew that the Scions of the Canopy and the Adventurer's Guild in Natlan were working together to spread communications while Mavuika assembled and stationed her forces to defend against the Abyss.
Mavuika had mentioned giving Xilonen the task of making an Ancient Name for the Traveller, with a smirk on her face that soon shrank when you gave her a stern look.
"Making an Ancient Name for an outlander… I swear if that ends up killing her, I'll ressurect you both, and make you change all the nappies." Mavuika held back from flinching, fully aware that she would most likely not live to see your baby be born, let alone be around to help you post-partum.
"I don't think Xilonen's nose could handle that. Even if she did know-"
" She knows… we're both pretending she doesn't. You get the nappies. Xilonen… I wanted to ask her to help with a nursery, or just a crib? I don't think I'll be able to stay here after… you know." You stared at the map of Natlan, your eyes lingering on the Flower-Feather Clan. Archons, you missed the taste of volcano cake.
"Are you sure you want to go back? If there is an invasion, I will be unable to drop everything to save you and our baby. I know Chasca is strong, and Chuychu is smart, and you…" Mavuika let out a sigh, "are stubborn and passionate beyond belief. You will do anything you can to preserve the legacy of your people."
"No." You frowned, blinking back tears of frustration as you heard Mavuika's breath hitch.
"No?"
"I am preserving your legacy, our baby is part of your legacy. I may not be able to save you, but this baby is what matters to me too. I need my sisters alive, I need my parents alive, so this baby has more than just stories as they grow up…" you hands played with the hem of your shirt, looking Mavuika in the eyes as her sternness melted like ice cream in the sun.
"Besides, we're not going yet. Chasca and Chuychu can't decide when to go back, they both have so much work going on," you paused for a moment, "plus, they agreed that it would only happen after my next appointment with Mayahuel."
"Chuychu was not available?" Mavuika straightened her posture as you avoided looking at her.
"Conflict of interest. It's the twelve week scan, to check if everything is progressing, my health, the baby's health… We went over a lot of the details last time I had an appointment with her. Medical history was a little tricky but I just said everything I knew from when they found me. up until now." You explained, fiddling with the hem of your shirt again until Mavuika's hands rested on your hips. Warm…
"Tell me when, and I will be there. I refuse to miss out on more than I already will." Mavuika leaned forwards, nuzzling her nose against yours as you both closed your eyes, enjoying the close proximity.
"Of course… Just focus on locating Ororon and The Captain, and your usual of saving the nation in the meantime."
"You focus on yourself and the life growing inside of you." Your archon whispered, pressing her lips to your forehead before embracing you warmly.
#genshin impact x reader#mavuika x reader#genshin x reader#chasca x sister!reader#chuychu x sister!reader#requested fic#turned into a series
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i know the cunty yap is iconic now but i have a soft spot for the earlier bitchy “bullying us with his glasses” choreo [1, 2]
#sometimes glasses sliding down your nose is also choreo ig they are not mutually exclusive#wish i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't *''screw you you bitch'' glasses push* i didn't I DON'T#media blitz#patrick stump#btw these are the same no of frames and they play at the same time on desktop its v satisfying
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yuki's own strategists are his biggest opps fr
#what do you mean yuki was top five both fps#started p8#and then finished out of the points#i would just love to know how the strategists came to the conclusion that the strategy they used was the right one#yuki was so set to be back in the points where he belongs and then they screwed him over#get him out of this team honestly like the branding is shit#the car is shit#and the strategists are apparently also shit#i wish i didn't have to dream about what yuki could do on a team with competent strategists and a good car#yuki tsunoda#singapore gp 2024#f1
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.
#my sleep schedule is totally screwed#and I am once again very sad#I keep promising myself I'm not going to engage in the things that keep making me sad and yet here I am#engaging#lmfao#fuck 💔 like honestly#dude I'm actually sorry im a mess like this#you'd think being called out on it would make me stop but no#inside my head feels like a rats nest#I tried to write a short comfort fic and couldn't even do that#idk what to say if you really hate reading it when I do this... other than I'm sorry and I wish I didn't#here's the tag you can block to not see it:#notfluffytickles
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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May 15, 1536 - The Trial of George Boleyn
"No proof of his guilt was produced except that of his having once passed many hours in her company, and other little follies. He answered so well that many who were present at the trial, and heard what he said, had no difficulty in waging two one that he would be acquitted, the more so that no witnesses were called against him or against her…" - Eustace Chapuys (May 19, 1536)
"He made answer so prudently and wisely to all articles laid against him, that marvel it was to hear, and never would confess anything, but made himself as clear as though he had never offended." - Wriothesley's Chronicle (1559)
"Aware that his days were numbered, Lord Rochford defied the court and did precisely what he was ordered not to. The queen, it was said, had told George's wife, Lady Rochford, that the king 'was not skilful in copulating with a woman, and he had neither virtue nor potency. All 2,000 onlookers were now privy to this sensitive and undoubtedly embarrassing information." - Natalie Grueninger, The Final Year of Anne Boleyn (2022)
#tudorerasource#dailytudors#perioddramaedit#tudor era#george boleyn#jonathan newth#the six wives of henry viii#there's no good depiction of his trial#TSWOH8 1970 only had 90 min eps for each wife so ofc they didn't depict his#but i rly disliked how they made his trial in Wolf Hall into#Cromwell tricking him#*eye roll*#like he was not tricked!! he read out the note as a big screw you to Henry#and honestly?#he's a king for that#anyway here's a lovely pic from TSWOH8 1970 of Anne and George's final meeting after her trial#did this happen? no#do I WISH it happened???#more than anything!!!#*cries*
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I wanna join in on the Rudy writing fun but my brain will not do romance right now. I've become so burnt out and my personal hatred is too strong. I look at people and think "Yeah. You'd just screw me over. Love isn't real. Nobody could care about me like that. Don't even try." And I hate it I wanna believe again and it's effecting my writing at this point. Why must people screw me over so much to the point I'm just totally broken mentally. Fuck humans honestly especially men.
#vee's not important life updates#vee's random thoughts go brr#and i know good men exist so don't come at me with that. I'm just frustrated and broken.#I like to believe theres still love in the world and maybe I'll find it but as time goes on I'm just getting bitter#watched a relationship between two people fall to pieces- watched someone I believed whole heartedly was good turn sour#thought he was a good man- wished he was my dad instead only for him to prove he really was never that different#he's just like all the other shitty men in my life that i grew up around and I just didn't know it#I thought i found a safe space but instead he screwed over his own family and me. why? why would you fucking do that?#is it so damn hard to be good to people? to be gentle and not change?
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gdhdjkfksjdh the fuck did you just call me
#i ain't repeatin that lmaooo#thanks i hate it can't you just call me slurs instead like a normal person#......didn't say that but i think i must've made a face cause then he was goin on abt how he doesn't mean it in a ~bad way~#it's that i'm ~perfect~ cause i was ~made for this~ n it's like yknow what whatever just. just stop talkin lmao you're not makin it better#i just wanted a quick fuck to put me back to sleep you don't havta be inventing new weird shit to call me just for that#how'd i get here? i don't think i was supposed to be doin that anymore#think i screwed my brain on sideways#sometimes i rly wish he was capable of shuttin the fuck up lol#spdrvent
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here's the link to the t.ale of t.wo cities soundtrack because i need someone to join me in hell
#seriously though if someone else could get into this i will give you anything you want#do i like this musical partially because it reminds me of s.weeney t.odd and what johanna could've had if her dad didn't..... you know? yes#it's so so beautiful and was screwed over by the recession#i can offer a revenge plot a cute little family the french revolution and an ending that will make you wish you didn't have a heart#ooc.#tbd.#if you need help figuring out the plot let me know because i love rambling
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How do you take a photo of time?
I've been watching the track events at the Olympics since I was a wee lad. It was a tradition in our family. We'd gather around our ancient low-definition 19 inch CRT television and watch tiny blobs compete against other tiny blobs and root for our country.
It was a bit like watching YouTube on your phone in 144p.
Several heroes emerged.
Jackie Joyner-Kersee was amazing.
You can't forget about Flo-Jo.
And then the Olympics decided NBA players were allowed in the competition.
Which formed... The Dream Team.
Was this fair?
Well... they won each game by an average of 44 points.
So... no. It was not fair.
Though it became more fair as time went on.
But, umm... yeah. The other teams looked like the Washington Generals and the US looked like the Harlem Globetrotters if they stopped screwing around half of the game.
But my absolute favorite Olympian was a runner named Michael Johnson.
He was cool as heck.
For one thing... gold shoes.
But he also had this crazy, upright, Tom Cruise-ish sprinting style that just made him look like a running robot on the track.
And in the 1996 Atlanta games he just trounced EVERYONE. I mean, it wasn't even close.
Yikes. Those losing blobs are probably really embarrassed.
Last night I decided to invigorate my nostalgia and watch the track events again. And I got to see one of the wildest races in history.
It didn't even last 10 seconds but it was one of the most exciting sporting events I've ever witnessed. Almost every runner won the race.
After I saw that initially, I was like... who the heck won???
Even in slow motion I wasn't sure.
This was one of the closest finishes in history. There has never been a race where all 8 runners were within this margin.
The arena was silent as the winner was being confirmed. The runners just kind of paced around waiting for official word. My best guess was the Jamaican runner, Kishane Thompson. But then the loudspeaker announced Noah Lyles.
The last tiny morsel of American pride burst out of me with a big "Wooooo!"
I forgot what it was like to be proud of my country. I wish it happened more often. But this young man, despite being last place in the first 3rd of the race, turned on the afterburners and won in a photo finish.
And that's when my inner nerd took over.
Because when they showed the photo finish image, it looked super weird.
Why is the track white?
Why do all of the runners look all warpy like that QWOP game?
So I went down a research rabbit hole to figure this out.
Photo finishes are actually fascinating. The first photo finish captured the end of a horse race in 1890. But that was mostly luck and timing. The actual photo finish mechanisms weren't used until 1937.
Originally they would film the finish line through a physical slit.
And the first horsie head that appeared in that slit would be the winner. This technology ended a huge aspect of corruption in horse race fixing almost overnight.
But we have come a long way since then. And I'd like to introduce you to the Omega Scan 'O' Vision Ultimate.
This slow motion camera sits fixed on the finish line of every race. The concept of the photo finish has remained remarkably similar to the 1930s approach. The camera sensor is specially designed to only record a vertical slit.
Only the finish line itself is actually captured.
And because it limits what it records to only that slit, it can capture 40,000 frames per second to get amazing temporal resolution.
So why don't the photo finishes just look like, well... this?
That is because the camera takes a picture of time more-so than dimensional space. I guess it would be more accurate to say it *assembles* a picture of time.
As the runners cross the finish line, the camera combines all of the little strips of pictures into a single image.
It's almost like if you tried to reassemble a piece of paper after it had been shredded.
Imagine each strip of paper is a picture of ONLY the finish line, just at a slightly different point in time.
What if someone stopped on the finish line and didn't move... what would that look like?
Once they got there, the same part of their body would just be repeated.
So the right side of the photo finish picture represents earlier in time and it just assembles the image strip by strip as time passes and you literally get a picture of time itself.
NEAT!
Okay, but how do they determine the winner from the photo finish?
I mean, that shoe looks like it is ahead of Noah Lyles!
Clavicles!
The IAFF rules state the foremost part of the torso must cross the finish line first. And the endpoint of the torso is the outer end of the clavicle.
So if you get this bone across the finish line first, you win the race.
Two more fun facts!
The start of the race is actually just as carefully timed as the end of the race. There are sensors in the starting blocks of each runner.
The starting gun also has an electronic sensor.
They have determined the fastest a human can react to the sound of a gun is roughly 100 milliseconds. So if you start running before 100 milliseconds they know you didn't actually hear the gun, you just got antsy and started running too early.
And the final fun fact...
Did you notice the Omega logo at the top of the photo finish?
That isn't superimposed or added after the fact. That is captured by the camera.
But if this image is composed only of tiny little slivers, how did they get the Omega logo to show up?
That is a little display. And it is synchronized with the Scan 'O' Vision Ultimate to show a little sliver of the Omega logo for each frame captured.
So when the final image is stitched together, it looks like a cohesive logo at the top of the photo.
Pretty clever, Omega!
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my landlady said i don't seem as 'with it' lately...
#i asked her about registering with the local gp so i can get new anxiety med prescription#she said sertraline work for her almost immediately :/#i was only on 50mg but i felt no better#in the meantime i need to remember to pick it up...#but im so screwed if i continue like this#i used to be able to concentrate in libraries and coffeeshops at least but now im soooo shaky#i think bc i always just end up anxious about the journey home#the only times ive been able to concentrate have been when im studying with my classmates#buuut idk we dont live close together though one girl did offer#again...car#and i lost my headphones so maybe i should just buy some new ones#not broke yet might help a lot#and the college library is only open until like 5#there are like 3 horticulture degrees in the uk i didn't have many options#god#idk but when people say you should remember why this thing is important to you it will motivate you.... when? ...noo not really#i have to chill im not good at that#i can work myself up into a real good lather though#like i say i wish i had chosen a different place to live but again.. only had one option :/#idk how everyone else got nice central houseshares i didn't even leave it that late
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Semi related, but I saw Lewis Rossman do a video where he was talking with this disabled guy that... I think he actually built his wheelchair himself or at least had customized a lot of it
Cause... like the foam pad he had on his seat would have been something like $3000 cause it was "custom", but... getting the foam, cutting it to size, and having someone sew an outside protector for it was more like $20
...mhh... hold on, I will find the video and post a link to the guy's website... here it is, The Mobility Independence Foundation
Anyway... my point is that if I get my shit together enough in other ways, I'd very much like to reach out to a group like that and be like "you tell me how to do it and do it right, and I'm happy to help assemble wheelchairs for people"
And of course when I say assemble, I mean like... custom, cause the more I pay attention the more obvious it is to me that any kind of mobility aid needs to be customized to the user
Like you get where I'm coming from, if I'm sat here thinking that maybe I should learn to make my own tv, then I sure as hell want to see people having their own wheelchair that's customized. Whole reason I'm thinking about "what if I just bought the screen and shoved my current tv's electronics in a custom frame" is so I have control and get just what I need... and people who need mobility aids need that a hell of a lot more than I need a tv, you know?
...maybe once I get the back porch in, which I want to put an ADA compliant ramp on... maybe once that's done and this old house is more accessible at least on the first floor... maybe that'll be the time I'm both more capable and also more... in the right mental space for it
But that is something I'd like to do... love it if I could help people out making custom mobility aids, both giving people something that's custom tailored to their needs, and also be able to like... send em home with spare parts and the knowledge how to fix it if something goes wrong... not have em stuck waiting for insurance to cover things
#thinking about that story someone on here told about their brother who... must have been some kind of disease; but they were dying#and they just really wanted a wheelchair so they had some freedom to get around#and in the months they had left they... never got one... it got approved like the week after they died#like fuck me... wish I had the skills and could have just said fuck man; I throw something quality together for you#give you the dignity and freedom you want... sorry I can't stop you from dying; but at least I can do that#then the family could have returned it so I could use it for parts or not... you know?#...I know on one hand I have a lot of big ideas and... who says I can get to all of them or even any of them#but... at the same time... a lot of this stuff ties together#if I can solder stained glass and solder a phone and make a chair... it adds up towards being able to assemble a wheelchair#you know; so long as someone's willing to teach me how... that's the sort of thing I want to be 100% certain I'm not screwing up#but it all adds up#...I'm very tired of being alive; it would be better if I didn't wake up tomorrow#but... since I will... need to keep slowly working towards stuff like this#if I'm gonna be worthless trash better to be worthless trash that can help someone get the mobility they need#rather than... the trash I am now; you know?
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Y'know. There were several ups and downs when I was working for the mouse, and the downs were always really, really bad. But like also I'm glad for them because four years ago I absolutely would not have said SHIT about being given a shift that conflicts with my availability and just worked it hoping it never happened again. Now I will talk to all four fucking managers who work throughout the entire day I've been here until one of them listens instead of pushing back and getting pissy about me saying it's not my fault and sure, I'll try to find coverage to be nice, but not my fucking problem if I can't find it, can't work the shift, they can't mark me as a no show and they can die mad about it because they should've thought about it before giving me a shift I can't work 🤷
#vent#obvs i said all that in more professional language#but like i was fucking firm about it that yeah i'll humor them and ask around but that's also not my job bc it wasn't my mistake#so if they end up understaffed sucks to suck. only so much i can do if everyone i talked to was booked and busy#not my fault some idiot who makes more than me to do one single task on a 9-2 schedule weekdays only didn't have her shit together#anyways i am Proud of myself bc i no longer take shit#sucks that it took those lows to get to this point but y'know what? i'm grateful#wish i could've learned these lessons a different way#obvs. but i am glad that i did learn them#anyways today sucked but i got almost 7.5 paid hours instead of the 6.5 i was originally supposed to get so ✌️#somewhat makes up for me needing to call out last sunday lmao#also i put up with soooo much shit i am a Team Player if i refuse to back down and choose a hill to die on it means smth to me#extend me to a 10 and a half hour shift and only take a 30 meal break instead of the hour i'm entitled to?#yeah okay sure more money and the break schedule is already fucked so i don't wanna screw over everybody else#gotta clock in half an hour early and stay twenty minutes late? no problem i'm here may as well. plus money#need me to train someone when i only restarted here 2 months ago 4 years after the last time i worked here? sure. why not.#blind leading the goddamn blind and all that but like i also know what situations ppl have gotten most pissed at me in#so lemme teach you how to do some of the shit nobody explains the way they need to#so if i call out it's bc my legs well and truly WILL give the fuck out if i try to stand on them for longer than 5 mins#and if i say i shouldn't be the one to fix their mistake but i'll try a lil. i am a nice person i am a team player i can and will take shit#from them but also i am not a goddamn pushover#i know my limits and i know my worth
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A duty— Capitano
Synopsis: You were set to marry a fatui... Wait, is that a fucking harbinger?!
Wc: 3.3k
Warning(s): fem reader for this one, reader gets called "wife", Capitano is described to have dark blue eyes (i swear i did my research and they said yes to dark blue eyes), MDNI masturbation but no sex between them.
Notes: don't ask the reason why you are in an arranged marriage, my brain is fried. You can come up with your own reasons ! Wrote this with my eyes cursing at me to sleep so half not proofread. Part 2 is out here. Part 3 is out here!
Tick tock.
You watched as the clock ticked louder than usual, cringing to yourself when the sound became unpleasant to you, it was ringing in your ears.
Even the fatui around you were like statue's, you considered for a minute to check if they were even alive and breathing.
The door then swinged opened, everyone's head suddenly lowering slightly which made you even more confused, but you mimicked their gestures nonetheless for respect.
Heavy footsteps echoed in the room, the sound only getting louder and heavier the closer it got you.
The steps finally stopped, and your glance up to see a big—no, giant man standing right infront of you. He seemed to be wearing a helmet to cover his face, long black hair that protrutes from the back of his helmet and over his shoulders, and the big coat that was full of fur draped around his shoulders.
You must say, he went all out with his appearance as a fatui.
"Are you perhaps..." You started, breaking the silence that hung think in the air, "... The person who I'm arranged to marry?" You finish off, tilting your head curiously.
He doesn't answer immediately, rather, he looks down at you, observing your features which makes you wipe your sweaty hands to your sides.
"Il Capitano," he finally spoke, a raspy voice, you noted. Capitano extended his arm out for you, and you willingly accepted it, giving it a gentle shake.
"Member of the fatui Harbingers."
His next words made your hand freeze. Did he just say Harbinger? Not even a normal fatui like you thought, but a whole harbinger. Standing right before you, and shaking your hand.
Well you were screwed because what the hell have you gotten yourself into.
You both were quiet now, staring at eachother that it's becoming almost painfully awkward.
"Your name?" He asks, letting your hand go and it's like you were snapped back to reality when you immediately blurt out your name.
He repeats your name like you were on his kill-off list, but that was just overthinking on your part.
"I'd like your company from now on." He announced, stepping a tad closer to you which made you hold in your breath.
"then i shall be at your company..." Giving him your best small smile, you bowed your head again.
•••
Your wedding basically consisted of a witness and marriage papers that needed your signature. You didn't even get the chance to wear a traditional wedding dress nor have a honeymoon, which you don't think is necessary for now since everything was going too fast for your liking.
And Marina, your new personal maid, has become your new friend in this big estate of Capitano's, teaching you everything you must and mustn't do. Kind of like a 101 guide on how to be a wife.
Ever since that day a two months ago, you have not done anything but cause trouble.
You wanted to go out? Well you need your husband's permission. You want to eat something? Ask Marina first and she'll whip it for you no problem, and no you're not allowed to cook by yourself. You bombarded Capitano with questions about himself, but his answers wouldn't be enough as they were about a word or a sentence long.
As boring as that is, this is your life now for... Archons know how long. But you remember it being temporary, if your memory did not fail you.
Capitano had returned back to the estate for the night, and for the first time, you greeted him at the front door with a smile, wishing you could see him smile back at you.
"My lord," you bow elegantly like how Marina taught you, speaking even softly like nothing ever happened a week ago, the fit you remember throwing at him, demanding an answer on why you couldn't do anything around.
The silence in the hallways was deafening, broken only by the clanking of his armor as he took a step closer to you, his towering figure cast an intimidating shadow upon you. "It is rare," he spoke in a blunt tone, "to see you this obedient." Capitano paused, his gaze scrutinizing your every move. "You have been behaving recently?"
You couldn't help but fidget with the hem of your clothes nervously like you have been caught, a nervous quiet laugh escaping your lips, "i believe I've always behaved."
Capitano let out a terse sigh at your answer, his eyes unflinching through the slits of his helmet. "To your luck," he muttered, "you have been... tolerable." The word 'tolerable' hung heavily in the air, making it clear that it was the most positive adjective he could summon about you.
"However," he added after a few moments, "you seem more compliant than usual today. This is an... interesting change." His tone was questioning, as if hinting that he was wary of your compliance, expecting a hidden scheme behind it.
"Shall we have dinner?" You change the topic, changing your position to stand by his side so that both of you could walk to the dining room together. Capitano nods curtly, acknowledging your suggestion. He allows you to approach, though there is a stiffness in his movements as he lets you stand by his side.
The two of you begin walking to the dining room, your husband's steps were heavy, and it was evident that he was still in his full armor, the sound of his footsteps filling the hall.
"You are not usually the one to suggest dinner," he commented, "I thought today was nice... Despite how i always fight you, forgive me." you mumble apologetically.
You become quiet when he doesn't answer back, your hands clasped infront of you instead.
You both soon reached the dining hall, now sat opposite eachother on the dining table, Capitano's gaze remained fixed upon you as you both sat across each other, the coldness in his eyes didn't waver as he observed you intently. The silence seemed to thicken as the only sound in the room was the clinking of silverware against the ceramic dinnerware.
"How was your trip?" You asked casually while stuffing some veggies in your mouth.
"The trip was... uneventful," he replied tersely, pausing briefly before continuing. "The usual Fatui business, nothing that concerns you, wife." His words were as biting as ever, indicating that he wasn't keen on discussing his business matters with you.
"nofing mfun?" You ask again with your mouth too full this time, "don't speak with your mouth full of food." You swallow your food down when you caught a glimpse of disappointment in his tone, maybe he was even frowning if you could see him behind his helmet.
"i will retire to my chambers after this," you place down the silverware on the tablecloth to reach for the glass of water next to you. Capitano doesn't answer, but he nods slowly in return.
•••
The world was still and the moon illuminated the grounds outside, casting a soft glow upon the landscape. You could hear the occasional sound of crickets and the whispered rustle of leaves, creating a peaceful atmosphere inside the expansive estate.
The minutes ticked by slowly, each one seemingly longer than the last as you anticipated Capitano's return this time. You fidgeted with the sheets, as you waited, you recalled Marina's words, a distant memory echoing in your head, "It is custom for a wife to wait for her husband to return before she retires to bed." You never did that, no. You would always sleep before he did and he would always wake up before you did. It was rare to even see him on your side of the bed, only sometimes when you would wake up from a sudden heavy weight shifting next to you.
Despite being married for quite some time, the connection between you two was still distant and cold. Capitano didn't seem to care for you on any emotional level, instead seeing you as a mere accessory to his life as a mighty Capitano of the Fatui Harbingers. A possession rather than a wife, you thought.
Capitano's steps echoed through the room as he stepped into your bedroom, his footsteps heavy and deliberate. He closed the door behind him with a thump, shutting out the outside world and isolating the two of you in the room.
He observed you quietly for a moment, "You're not in bed yet?"
"i was waiting for you."
"And why, pray tell, were you waiting for me?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "Marina..." You mumble, standing up from the bed while looking away in a bit of embarrassment, "she taught me it was custom for a wife to wait for her husband."
Capitano seemed even more surprised upon hearing your answer, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Marina... I see," he said slowly, of her name sending a ripple of irritation through him. Capitano disliked Marina's influence on you and how she seethe mentioned to be teaching you things.
He strode closer to you, by now you were used to his presence that it would not make you involuntary step back, you instead wait for his next move.
Lifting his hand to take a few strands of your hair was the last thing you expected. The strands resting on his hand as he lifted it closer to his helmet, almost like a gesture of kissing your hair which made you blink rapidly.
"You don't have to," he whispered, his thumb gently caressing the strands, "don't have to listen to Marina or anyone. You may do your own thing in this estate. I just want you well taken care of and safe."
You think you may have just fallen in love with the man because... Why is your heart beating so fast that it could explode? Or wait, can he hear it?
Capitano then let go of your hair, walking past you as he started loosening the straps of his armor, "it is late," he muttered with a rasp, his hands working quickly to remove his armor. The sound of armor being unthreaded echoed through the room, punctuated by the clinks of metal.
Taking off his helmet next so casually made your eyebrows furrow and sit back on the bed with your head tilted to get a closer look at him.
His eyes were glowing dark blue, the most beautiful shade of blue you think you've ever seen. The prettiest face too despite his dark and intimidating aura.
"you're beautiful." You whispered in awe, though Capitano, who was half-way through removing his armor, paused for a moment as he heard your words. He wasn't expecting such a compliment from you. It was rare for you to praise him, preferring to defy him more often than not.
"Beautiful?" he repeated, his voice gruff, you noticed his expressions and tried to act cool, your fingers nervously scratching your neck out of habit when you get shy.
"You're beautiful too, my wife." This completely caught you off gaurd, but it doesn't stop you from smiling and laughing it off quietly.
"Goodnight." Your head rests on the pillow, and this time you face him in your sleep, and he makes the effort to mimick your gestures.
"Goodnight."
•••
"Marina, where is my wife?" That was the first thing he asked your personal maid the moment he arrived back from his mission. His head looking around rather than looking down directly at Marina.
"The lady should be at her chambers."
"She's not."
"What?" Poor Marina's eyes widened, she was sure she just gave you a basket of fruits and snacks in your room, even asking you if you needed anything else.
"... Forgive me, my lord. She's probably in the bat—"
"She's not in the bathroom." He replied in a low, dangerous tone that sent a shiver down her spine.
Where are you, my lady? Marinas thought through gritted teeth before exhaling out shakily, "i shall go find her at once." Marina began looking around every corner of the estate, and each room she opened without you in it, she would lose two years of her life with Capitano following her.
You couldn't have escaped, right?
Finally when she hurriedly went to the back of the estate, she let out a sigh of relief when she saw you sitting outside on the grass with the basket of goods she handed you earlier.
You wave your hands and both Capitano and Marina with a bright smile, causing his shoulders to relax when you were at last seen having fun by yourself.
"you're going to get me killed one day." Marina mouthed at you, but since there was some distance between you both, you just smiled and shrugged at her.
Capitano approached you slowly, his purposeful stride carrying him towards you with measured steps. You were perched on the grass, happily savoring the treats in your hands, when he suddenly materialized before you. "Sit." You pat the space next to you, to which he obliged without hesitation.
"Have you ever done this before?"
"No."
"Never? It's nice."
"You do seem to be enjoying yourself." He hums thoughtfully, and your smile widens, "The last couple of months have been interesting, and i get to know you better now." You say before popping a blueberry in your mouth to chew on.
"Blueberry?" You offer, raising your hand while holding a blueberry in between your thumb and forefinger.
You might think your husband is shy by how he looks around at first before taking off his helmet, cute. Eventually he leans to take the fruit between his teeth before chewing silently, the slight fruit juice glistening on his lips before his tongue along with his thumb swiped over his lower lip.
"you know," you suddenly speak, drawing your hips near him, "we've never kissed yet."
He pauses, staring at you while thinking deep about it, "does it bother you?"
"No, does the idea bother you?" Your question held a mixture of uncertainty and intrigue.
Without a warning, his hand held your left cheek with gentleness, his lips slotting against yours for three seconds max before it ended.
What?
Your eyes were wide open the whole three seconds of it too!
"What was that?" The horror in your eyes was evident, not because you were scared, but because you were caught off guard and your eyes were fucking open. Capitano, upon seeing your eyes, he immediately tried pulling away, thinking he might've scared you in some way.
But you were quick to hold his wrist firmly so it wouldn't leave your cheek. "I liked it." You blurt out with the reddest cheeks ever, and he's almost amused.
"But it was too fast," you clear your throat before tilting your head closer, "may i, husband?" How can he refuse when you asked so nicely too?
Your lips latch onto his for the second time, and this time, you were going to give him a proper kiss. With your lips moving with ease against his, the sounds of soft smacks of your lips together filling the air which makes the tips of his ears go red.
You don't continue after both of you pull away to catch your breath, your eyes staring deeply into eachother as he pressed his lips into a thin line.
"Let's not do this again," your heart almost drops at his words. Did you mess up again? Did he not like how it felt—
"In public, i meant. I wouldn't like anyone to see you in such a state."
You can definitely hear the crickets in your head. "So we can continue kissing?"
"Mm," he only hums back before reaching for his helmet to put it back on. "I have to leave, i will be back by midnight," and when he stands up, it was your cue to stand up to bid him goodbye.
"Take care, husband." You wrap you arms around him, and he circles his arms back around you into a tight hug. It was not your first hug together, so you got used to the feeling of not being able to breath for a couple of seconds before of his tight arms around you.
•••
Capitano expected you to be awake when he returned from a few errands he had to run earlier, expecting you to wait for for him so that both of you could sleep at the same time ever since you did that day.
But you were asleep, peaceful and relaxed on your shared bed. You, wearing nothing but a silky nightgown like you always do, the blanket shuffled messily on you which revealed your legs slightly parted, and your arms hugging the pillow underneath you.
You looked like an angel to him, so vulnerable.. so pretty like this—god was he pent up from today.
He hands clenched tightly into fists until his knuckles turned white as he looked away, instead busying himself in taking off his usually neat coat which was now covered in few splatters of crimson red.
The sound of the running water masked his muttering, instantly regretting his thoughtlessness. As he grabbed the bar of soap, he began to wash vigorously, trying to expel the memories of combat and the musky scent of carnage. His body couldn't be gentler with himself though, as he massaged his muscles that ached from the constant strain.
His heartbeat quickened as his mind wandered back to you. You were the sweetest thing in his life, and he would never ever hurt you, in fact, he would rather die than have your precious skin scratched. Or even cutting off the heads without hesitating if one would hurt you.
He hates himself for envisioning your body under his, or thinking about how skilled you would be with your tongue or hands. he thought he was a selfish lustful man for thinking of such thing when you were sound asleep and tired.
Unable to bear it any longer, he reached for himself, stroking slowly at first before heavier thrusts took over all while imagining how it would feel like to be inside your soft and warm cunt instead of his hard and rough fist. The steam from the shower served to muffle his low groans, half in agony, half in ecstasy. Closing his eyes, he pictured your warm smile or shy and embarrassed facial expressions as his release came steadily forth, his forehead hit the cool tiles as he let out a deep, satisfied sigh.
After taking a moment to get himself together, he turned off the water and faced the mirror. How can he go back to bed after jerking off to the thought of your smile and sleeping figure? He would very much rather bang his head on the wall.
But he dried off with a sigh and headed back to bed, trying to keep his eyes half closed with his back turned to you as he sinked down on the mattress, taking a bit of blanket to cover himself with his eyes forced shut.
Your sudden arms that enveloped around him from behind is what gave Capitano a scare. A literal scare to the big man.
Were you awake this whole time? Did you hear him back in the bathroom? Was he too loud?
But your soft snores made his stiff shoulders sag in relief, indicating you were still in deep in your dreams.
He decided to turn around to face you, looking down at how innocent you looked, how the moonlight seemed to glow on your face from the window, giving your features a glowy shine.
"You have ruined me," he whispered carefully while brushing off strands of your hair away from your face to press a goodnight kiss on your forehead. "I am yours, ruin me, break me, and love me as much as you want, my wife."
#il capitano#genshin impact#genshin impact x you#genshin impact x reader#il capitano x reader#capitano#capitano x reader#fatui harbingers#genshin harbingers#capitano x you#capitano smut#genshin impact capitano
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Ok nobody extrapolate anything about me from this...
The first time you cry in front of the 141:
The first time you cry in front of Ghost it's because you can't fucking take it anymore. All the little things, all the comments you know he didn't mean to hurt, all the conversations you ignored because you didn't want to make him feel like the bad guy, it all comes to a head. You don't even mean it to happen, and you feel like shooting yourself on the spot as soon as the tears start flowing. It feels manipulative. It feels disingenuous. You feel like a piece of shit having him awkwardly bundle you in his arms as you break down sobbing over a topic that normally would mean nothing to you. And it all comes out. All the worries and slights you ignored, all the fears and doubts, all the things that made you question if you could ever even start to bring up with him. Like throwing up, once it starts you can't stop it.
He looks like you've hit him when you finally escape his bear hug. You barely get the chance to take it in before you're thrust back into sobbing hysterics, blubbering out apologies, how you feel like you're manipulating him, how you're a bad partner, how you're sure he's going to realize he doesn't want you and leave. You barely hear the rough "Jesus Christ" over your own hiccuping.
Ghost shuffles the two of you over to grab you a t-shirt to blow your nose in while you're sniffling and wiping at your eyes. You feel pathetic having him hold the fabric to your face and telling you to blow.
"Didn't know ya made this much snot love," he jokes.
"You're dot funny," you whine, nose still clogged with wattery mucus as your tears finally start calming down.
"I know," he grumps.
"You're mad at me," you sniffle.
"I'm not," he sounds mad, "mad at myself. Shoulda seen ya keepin' things to yourself, I'm glad ya finally told me." His scarred mouth screws to one side. "Just gotta work on makin' sure we don't get to this point again."
-
The first time you cry in front of Soap it's because you're so fucking mad at him. He's arguing with you over nothing, the same way he always does when he's in a bad mood. Finding little things that dig at you and twisting just enough to make it not his fault when you snap. Back and forth with your barbs until you got to bed angry.
You can feel the tears burning at your waterline before they spill and you know your hot cheeks don't bode any better. You're not yelling but you almost wish you were, at least of you were yelling at each other it might make you feel better about the sudden waterworks. You hate when this happens. Too big an emotion in the body, it has to come out somewhere, you suppose this is just the quickest avenue. The way Soap's face drops from anger to concern pisses you off though.
"Hen, are ya-"
"I'm so fucking mad right now," you assure him, "don't look at me, don't even acknowledge them."
"Ah dinnae ken," His voice is getting softer, it only makes you more upset, "Oh my bonnie, ahm sorry ah didnae think this would hurt ya so bad."
"Fuck off," you try to push past him to lock yourself in the bathroom and he catches your arm to pull you against him. "Fuck off!" You shriek, pushing at him.
"No," he holds you a little tighter, "my mam would 'ave my heid hearin' ah let ya walk away from me like this, yer stayin' 'ere."
"I will fucking skin you Mactavish," you struggle harder.
"Aye anno, now shut up an' quit yer kickin'."
You do neither of those things.
-
The first time Gaz sees you cry it's because no one's ever seen you before. Even in your best relationships, your closest friendships, no one sees you like Gaz. No one picks you up from work with flowers and takes you by your favorite bakery just so you can have a slice of cake when you watch your comfort show. You're not even through the title music, Gaz sorting through your takeout options after he'd gotten you a "fancy plate" and a small fork to eat with, when you break down in sobs. He's on you immediately, hushing you as he gathers you into his arms. He's so attentive it hurts.
"It's OK baby," he hums, "don't have to talk about it, you just let it out."
God even that gets you crying. You don't have to get your words right or find a way to explain what you're feeling, you can just feel it. You try to think of a way to put it into words but it all lines up wrong, sounds too juvenile, doesn't make any sense even to you. There's no need to say anything though, Gaz just sits there with you, holds you through it as you wet his shoulder with your tears.
You don't even know why you're crying by the end of it, you just kept coming up with other reasons to cry. Jesus you don't think you ever got over your last grandparent dying, or losing that one friend, that's something to unpack later. You feel drained. Literally dehydrated drained. Gaz's shirt is soaked, but he doesn't day anything when you pull back.
He cups your cheek at wipes at the wet stains on your cheek with his thumb, eyes searching yours before he gives you a tight smile.
"Why don't you go take a hot shower, yeah?" He offers, you give him a watery nod, he smiles and pats your knee. "Alright, off you go. I'll be in, in a second."
The second time you cry in front of Gaz it's before he's got you pinned to the shower wall.
-
The first time Price sees you cry it's because you're tired. You're tired of giving everything to this relationship and seeing him leave right when things seem to be falling into place. His phone buzzes in the middle of the night and you don't stop the downpour when he grumbles out a swear and turns on the light. You glare at the ceiling and let the tears flow. It hurts. Tight in your chest. This feeling like you'll never be enough, like he'll always have something more important than you, it kills you. So why can't you leave him?
Are the good times really good enough to make up for the bad?
It makes him stop what he was doing when he sees the resolute grimace and the flow of tears over your cheeks. You shudder in a breath when he sits on the side of the bed. You refuse to look at him.
How could he do this to you?
"Sweetheart," he starts, his voice low, gentling, "I'm sorry."
"You're not." You correct him, "Otherwise you wouldn't keep doing it."
"You want me to choose between you and the world, you know what I'll say." He always sounds so sharp, ready to guilt you into giving up what he wants.
"I'm asking you to choose between me and paperwork," you bite back.
"You don't know-"
"You get phone calls when you're being deployed." You remind him, "You get reminders when papers are due." You turn to glare at him. The look on his face twists like a knife in your chest. You're dead on the money, and it's killing him. "So can this really not wait until the morning, are you really that eager to be rid of me?"
"I'm sorry," he tries again, toeing off his shoes, "you're right, I hadn't noticed." You turn over as he climbs under the duvet again. You fold your legs up as his arm drapes over you hip and he curls around you. His lips touch your shoulder, a silent plea for forgiveness. "Let me make it up to you, no more running into red tape I promise."
You don't bother agreeing to empty promises, but the next day he's had the paperwork sent from the base. The same the next day. Price always told you working from home didn't suit him. Waking you up with a cuppa on the other hand and walking you to the station does though.
He makes good on his promise, he doesn't run off until the next call comes in.
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