#wish I spoke a language that didn’t have any gendered pronouns

[rayvern-sheep]

I hate gender it’s stupid, I hate being referred to, I hate being perceived do not perceive me do not talk abt me, only think abt me as a weird opossum, do not think of my face when you think of me

I am a vague concept not a solid gendered human

[nappingpaperclip]

happy very late trans day of visibility we stay winning 💪💪 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

Trans people please rb and add your gfms and cashapps 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵

Gonna get a bit personal cause to be honest? I don’t think non trans people really understand what it is like to be trans right now and some of y’all really need to hear this.

People outside of the man/woman sex dichotomy have existed in every culture throughout history since humans have existed. Yet people are still using the argument that being trans is a “trend” that young people are falling/being groomed into

This rhetoric leeches out of politics into the minds of young people, who turn around and externalize it onto their peers. Trans people, and especially young trans people are being bullied, harassed, followed home, beaten, raped, brutalized, and killed every day because of this line of thinking.

It’s literally the same argument used against gay people in the early 2000’s and 2010’s. I was there. I heard it growing up. It made it take much longer for me to realize that I was bisexual because of it. Because I didn’t want to be just hop on a “trend.” Well, more like I didn’t want to be accused of that. I didn’t want to be seen as less than over something I didn’t think was that big of a deal.

To be honest, I find that it was more accurate to say that I was being groomed into being a cis straight girl.

As someone who was actually groomed, and who knew I was not cis before that btw thank you very much, it’s fucking frustrating to see this argument be used to make it harder for me and other people like me to safely exist. It’s so fucking frustrating to see people co-opt my OWN trauma to take away my agency, and make it 1000x more dangerous for trans people, and especially trans women, to just literally exist.

Others tell us that our existence is a violation of biology, science, logic, or reason. Laughs in biology student. The human body is a complex organism with many moving and changeable parts. Humans are complex emotional beings with incredibly diverse cultures and roles within their respective societies. Biology isn’t as simple as XY and XX, and I’m tired of hearing this argument from people who don’t understand basic biology, and who don’t understand how language, science, and gender relate to culture.

It’s frustrating because even the “gender abolitionists” who claim to want to throw off the roles of womanhood still try to pin me and people like me into roles that fit their narrow worldview.

I cannot escape the roles that other people push on me, ever. I just want to exist. I can’t use EITHER bathroom without feeling unwelcome and unsafe. I can’t use a computer without articles and videos bashing trans people and our “dangerous gender ideology” or whatever popping up and ruining my day by making me feel guilty for literally just existing. I can’t look at the comments section on any post mentioning trans people, especially from my own local news, without seeing hateful comments wishing people like me death, saying we are all pedophile groomers, that we are delusional and should be locked up, that we need to be rounded up and shot to protect the children or traditional families or whatever.

Even the way people LOOK at me is dehumanizing and at times, humiliating.

I can’t go a single day at work or at school or in public without being stared at like I am some kind of freak because people can’t immediately tell what genitals I have. It doesn’t matter how polite I am or how small I make myself.

We remember the way you treat us. It sticks with us, shapes how we feel about ourselves and how we interact with the world. Just one of the many moments that still sticks with me was recently when I spoke at a city council meeting. I had a progress flag and a picture of Nex Benedict. This lady sat next to me and was kind and polite, until she saw the flag, and then she clammed up and refused to talk to me when I tried politely asking her something. You’d think I’d threatened her or was violating her rights just by being there the way she was looking at me.

Do y’all understand how fucking bad that feels? Seeing people make the connection, seeing the way their face drops as you watch them lose respect and all care for you in real time? Over something you can’t control? Something that doesn’t even effect them?

People literally see me and freeze, give me whale eyes and refuse to speak to me because they can’t tell what I am. I am a person. I try my best to be good and do good. Why is that not enough?

I’ve been told my whole life to just shut up and take it. No. No, I won’t do that. That doesn’t suit me at all. If you have a problem with that, that says more about you than it does me. You don’t get to complain about trans people making themselves be heard or making our transness a “part of our personality” when y’all harass and bully and kill us every day. It’s part of my personality because of the way I’ve been treated for it. I spent years of my life wishing and begging and dreaming that I was not trans, but it didn’t work. I tried very hard for so long to convince myself that I was cis. I can’t be something I’m not. My transness is a part of me and I will spend the rest of my life fighting for basic kindness and respect because of it.

If you wanted us to shut up then you’d leave us alone. Our existence is not part of some grand scheme or conspiracy. Our bodies and lives are not collateral damage.

Trans people are just people. We just want to be treated like people. We just want to live our lives without being forced into a box all the time.

You don’t have to “get it,” you don’t even have to agree, but you do have to respect our agency and respect that we know ourselves better than you do. Mind your own damn business. What we do to our bodies, how we dress or act, what bathroom we use, it does not affect you. Live and let live. Our existence should not be stomped out because it makes some people uncomfortable or confused.

We are people. We deserve to live. Let us live. Let trans people live

And to any other trans folk reading this: thank you for being here. You are a boundless, beautiful soul, and you are so, so loved. Your life is precious. Please keep fighting with us. I know it is scary right now but we will make it through this.

Our stories, our love, our hopes and dreams can never be stomped out or erased. I’m holding your hand and fighting with you. Let’s show love to the most vulnerable members of our community, like the black trans women and black trans men who need our support now more than ever, and the young ones who are terrified to go to school. You deserve to live. We all deserve to live. Your community is waiting for you with open arms. We will always cherish and support you, no matter what.

Sorry for the long personal post. I hope nothing but safety and love to everyone reading this, even if my existence or this post makes you upset. We are all human and everything else is secondary. Political, gender, class and other labels just divide us when we would be stronger together.

Love is always, always more powerful and more fufilling than hate.

If you can spare a few bucks please consider supporting my partner’s top surgery and survival fund. Thank you 💕

[dysfunctionalcrab]

cute vets, pets, and boys

Pairing: Quackity x reader

Pronouns: Gender neutral

Description: Tiger needs to go to vets. Over there, his owner meets a cute veterinary assistant (yes, I mean you)

Notes: Doctor Anderson is the name of an actual doctor I shadowed I couldn’t think of anything else okay, leave me alone.

His knee bounced up and down impatiently. The place was unusually packed today.

Tiger sat in his basket, loafed and with his eyes closed. Quackity’s heart ached for the small cat, the poor animal had stopped his regular eating habits. When he filled his bowl, it was only half finished, which was abnormal, since Tiger was usually finished within 10 minutes, and then meowed for some more.

He glanced at the clock, sighing after calculating that he had been been waiting for almost a whole hour, until a vaguely familiar man walked into the room with a clipboard. He was a middle aged man, grey hair and and stubble. He wore giant glasses with black frames. It was only when Quackity’s eyes landed on the name tag pinned to the pocket of his white lab coat, did he realise this was their regular vet.

“Alex!” He called out, looking up from his clipboard and locking eyes with him

Tiger hadn’t been to vet in ages, and when he did, it was usually his mom who took him, so to see him so enthusiastic, or even remember his name, startled him quite a bit.

He stood up, clutching the handle of the cat basket and lifting it off the floor.

“Doctor Anderson?” He tried to play it off as if he wasn’t reading his badge to remember his name.

“How have you been?” The doctor asked him.

“I’ve been good, busy, but good,”

“How are you? How is your mom?”

Quackity tried to be polite, answering all the questions he had. But in reality, he didn’t care about catching up with his vet, especially after waiting an hour of waiting just to even be spoken to while his cat sat miserably in his basket. It had entirely ruined his mood. He just wanted to know what was wrong with his cat.

He was relieved when Doctor Anderson finally ushered him into the room.

The doctor walked in with another man, he looked young. This man was going to be the final patient you assist before finally finishing the veterinary experience course. You took a deep breath and approached them both.

The doctor walked in with another man, he looked young. This man was going to be the final patient you assist before finally finishing the veterinary experience course. You took a deep breath and approached them both.

The doctor walked in with another man, he looked young. This man was going to be the final patient you assist before finally finishing the veterinary experience course. You took a deep breath and approached them both.

The other guy looked you, not in a weird way, but just to curious to who you were. You offered him a kind smile, and when you started to think wasnt going to, he returned it. Doctor Anderson watched the interaction from across the room.

“This is [Y/N],” he introduced, putting a gentle hand behind your back. “They’ve been shadowing me for the last 2 months, today is their final day,”

Quackity nodded, glancing towards you again, but less soft. Your smile dropped. You started to assume he wasn’t in a good mood today, especially since he probably had a sick animal with you. So, you resorted to standing in the corner of the room, just to observe.

“So then, how can I help you?” The doctor asked him

“I don’t know,” You watched him as he distressedly pushed his hair away, alongside fiddling and adjusting his beanie anxiously. “Tiger just hasn’t been eating lately and it’s been worrying me,”

Doctor Anderson opened up the basket and took out a small tabby cat who you now knew was named ‘Tiger’. Your heart awed at the cat, you loved cats. I mean, you loved animals in general, which was the reason you wanted to help them.

You watched as he started to check the cat, feeling his fur and his body for any irregularities. His face was fully focused, eyebrows furrowing. You could tell the owner was nervous since he was rubbing the seam of his shirt aggressively between his finger and thumb.

“Has Tiger ever-“

The door suddenly swung open with a loud creak. All your heads snapped towards the entrance, another doctor stood there, her face a little sweaty and she was huffing, completely out of breath

“Doctor- we need you please, it’s urgent,” She stated.

The doctor looked at you, and then looked at the cat, and then looked back at you. You felt yourself freeze in fear. You knew what he was asking, and you frantically shook your head, pleading with your eyes that he didn’t leave you alone.

“You’ll be fine,” he whispered, before taking off and dashing out the room,‘following the tinder woman. He accidentally slammed the door a little hard that the noise startled Tiger. He let out a small and scared meow.

You pursed your lips, looking down sympathetically at the cat. You then looked at his owner, he was giving you a blank, expressionless stare, his brown eyes told you he was a mixture of tired, irritated but concerned. You wondered how long he’d been waiting.

Quackity was nervous around pretty people, he was far from confident. After the way you smiled at him, he felt himself heat up. He’d be lying he if he said he didn’t find you cute.

If you weren’t in such a formal environment, he’d be initiating some sort of casual conversation with you to start things going, if he even knew how to. But now, especially since he had a sick cat with him, wasn’t the ideal situation. Your voice interrupted his train of thoughts.

“So,” you gnawed at your lip nervously. “He’s lost his appetite?

Quackity nodded slowly.

You hummed, observing her on the table. He was a cute little cat, his eyes were glossy and wide. You felt a pain in your chest at the poor thing. You had never been left alone with a patient before, so you were anxious to say the least.

“Has this ever happened before?” You asked

He shook his head. “Uh- no. No it hasn’t.”

You stroked her, he immediately nuzzled into your palm. You and him both locked eyes at the adorable moment.

“He’s cute,” You stated.

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “He is.”

He picked up a mental note of your interaction with him. It was uncommon that Tiger relaxed at someone’s touch so easily, usually he would do that at-least within a week of knowing or playing with them. He was also quite aggressive, living up to his name.

“You don’t need to worry, you know, I’m sure he’s fine, the worst it could be is like- kidney disease or something,”

His eyes widened

“Not that it is!” You took back, wishing you could swallow your words back up again. “I didn’t mean it like that, I was just saying that he could-“

He raised an eyebrow at you, this time out of confusion of your rambling.

“I’ll stop talking now.” You muttered to yourself

You felt ridiculous, being so nervous. You couldn’t tell if it was from the pressure, or the fact he had a strong gaze on you.

“I’m going to check his teeth, if that’s okay?” You asked

Quackity stepped back abit from the table. “Yeah, yeah, of course, do whatever you need,”

You patted her head before positioning her so you could look at her mouth. You gently held her head and used your fingers carefully to pull her jaw open. It all looked pretty normal, until your eye fixated on one of her canines that were looking black at the root.

You sighed, observing it a little longer. You smiled, thankful that you found the problem. It was funny to you how this guy hadn’t even thought to check her mouth before-hand.

“Well, we’ve found the problem,” you said. Quackity stepped closer and watched to where you finger was pointing. “Just a bad tooth, it most likely hurts when he eats,”

You smiled at him reassuringly and he relaxed. His Tiger was going to be just fine

“So now what?” Quackity asked you, petting Tiger. He quietly purred

You ran your tongue at the seam of your lips. “I don’t know, I guess. I don’t think if it’s legally permissible for me to diagnose anything or 8 anything- I think,” you spoke awkwardly. “It’s better to just wait for the doctor to come back,”

He nodded again. The silence in the room was making it a little uncomfortable for the both of you, the only thing making it less... weird, was the cute little cat laying on the table.

“So, how long have you been shadowing him again?”

You bit the inside of your cheek, he was clearly just trying to make conversation with you to diffuse the awkwardness.

“For two months,” you answered. “Today is actually my last day.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, kind of disappointed actually, this experience has been quite nice. Now it’s back to textbooks and PowerPoint presentations, it’s like being stuck back in high school”

“I get that. Law school is just case after case and it can get boring sometimes,”

“Law school? Holy crap,” you said, before throwing a hand over your mouth, remembering he was still just a patient. “Sorry, excuse the language,”

He giggled nervously. “Don’t worry about about it,”

Conversation with him from then on was easy. It flowed quite smoothly, from talking about about school to other general things.

He liked the way you listened, Quackity knew that he waffled on about certain subjects a whole lot. But you seemed to actually be interested, your face lighting up every time. You found it sweet the way he talked so passionately about things, for a stranger, you were pretty intrigued.

You enjoyed his company for the next 30 minutes, still waiting for Doctor Anderson to come back after rushing out of the door. To be fair, It was nice to have conversation during the day that wasn’t with a fifty five year old man for once.

“But we have restaurants here like Chipotle, or Taco bell!” You exclaimed, now sitting beside him on one of the blue chairs.

“They’ve never been as good as the ones I’ve had in Mexico,” he told you.

“Well then I guess-“

Again. The noisy door swung open. Both your heads simultaneously turning towards it. The doctor walked back into the room, his hair was a little ruffled and messy. He came in as if he was looking for a certain something, and then his eyes landed on you.

“[Y/N]? What are you still doing here?” He questioned, looking at his watch. “It’s past four o’clock,”

You took out your phone from your back pocket. Damn, time really flew by and you didn’t even realise.

“We were just talking about Tiger, he’s got a bad tooth,” you said

The doctor smiled at you. “Good work, [Y/N]!” He said, pride overtaking his voice. “But it’s really time for you to go home. You can pack up your things now and relax! You’re finally finished!”

“Oh-,” you said, feeling the slightest bit disappointed as you looked at Quackity. “Thank you,”

You stood up and hesitantly slipped off the spare white lab coat, folding it up and placing it in on a nearby counter.

You looked at Quackity again, his eyes were almost saying ‘sorry’ for you having to leave.

Quackity watched you leave the room. His mood dropping straight away. He knew he wasn’t going to speak to you again after this.

The doctor started talking to him again, giving him advice for Tiger and how they would deal with the problem. However, the unfortunate problem was, his attention was focused on you. You know sometimes you talk to someone once and then for the rest of the year you constantly think about that interaction? Yeah, that’s how he was feeling. He had no idea why you had suddenly invaded all his thoughts.

Too bad you’d left without so much of a goodbye.

If only he built up the courage and asked for your number.

———

Masterlist

Taglist: @inniterhq @basilly @nite-land @bunnyloo @siriushxney @notphilosopherstudentblog @tinyegg @dreamiewrites @kai-was-here @shiyanchan

[mysmegrace]

hey love, how are you? i was wondering if you could do mc (any gender) and 707 going on a dinner date:)

hello love, i'm excellent (bc of u). of course i can, anything for you :3 i've decided to use they/them pronouns in this fic so it's easier for people to insert their own pronouns and gendered language as well as it being applicable to more people yknow. anyway i hope i did this justice <3

summary: saeyoung and mc got out to dinner to end the day. unbeknown to mc, saeyoung has a surprise to ask you.

words: 1.8k

Elly The Fourth (707 x MC)

---

you knew saeyoung had a tendency of being late, sometimes he’d even push it to the 15-20 minute mark. you vividly remember telling him about it in the past, but you two always came to an agreement. after all, you couldn’t stay mad when he’d grab the cat ears he had laying around, putting them on while puckering his lips to express false innocence.

however, he had failed to hold up your previous agreement of “if you are to be late, let me know beforehand”. passing a new number on the clock every time you looked up, the restaurant continued to populate with no sign of the man you longed for. boy would you let him have it this time.

you needed something new as a form of punishment. something that would make him stick to your agreements. maybe the silent treatment, or perhaps you’d whip him with the belt he spent a ridiculous amount of money on? “wait no... that wouldn’t end well on my end” you thought as your memories reminded you of his sadistic nature.

while trying to come to a consensus, the vermillion haired man entered the establishment. showing off his typical goofy, yet tender, smile as he eyed your sitting position down. you could hear the clicking of his shoes coming closer, but paid no attention as you had heard that the entire evening from strangers surrounding you.

“boo!” you hear suddenly, almost springing out of your seat, partially convinced your heart would jump out of your chest for a split second. however you had no time to take in sudden scare as your body instantly started to heat up. he arrived 25 minutes late and has the audacity to make his grand entrance by frightening you?

being met with silence on his end, he decides to quickly break the tension. “sorry i’m late, it was an accident” he says, only telling half of the truth. it was an accident in the fact that he was late and didn’t intend on being, but wasn’t an accident in the sense that he knew what he was doing beforehand.

however, he would keep that a secret until the time was right. surprises are better if they’re unexpected after all. snapping out of his thoughts, he noticed how your lips haven’t dared to move in the few minutes he’s been here. trying to come up with ways to lighten the mood while getting a response from you, he says “i’m really sorry. please forgive me and talk to me. it was for a good reason, i promise. you’ll find out soon enough”.

watching as your eyes softened and your posture lightened exactly when he was now eye level with you, he takes it as a sign to continue on with the original plan. only hoping your body language was from you being convinced by his words rather than because of your growing disappointment towards him. going to take the seat across from you, you answer “saeyoung, we’ve talked about this. why were you so late?”.

“babe, i can’t tell you yet. it’s a secret, please understand. let’s enjoy what i have planned for now and we can talk about it later, please?” he answered quickly, not giving a moment for him to accidently spill the beans. after a few seconds, he saw the look on your face as you decided to give into his proposal and make amends later.

for the next hour, tonight would strictly be about you two. he loves nothing more. once you give your verbal agreement, he gives back a small smile. one that reads of gratitude. calling the waiter over, you both receive your menus. 

the food all looked so good, but it wasn’t something he’d want everyday. that kind of taste isn’t much appealing to him. after all, he only chose the restaurant because of your open wish to eat there one day. hence why in classic saeyoung style, he decided on honey garlic chicken wings. commoner food, as jumin would say. honey garlic chicken wings, honey buddha chips, close enough.

on the contrary, you were in awe at the food selection. as long as you ate a few things off the menu, you could die happy. yet shock consumed you when your eyes glided across to check out the price. it was incredibly expensive. guilt started eating you up by the second.

you couldn’t ask him to get you something, it was simply too much. your conscience wouldn’t let you. unbeknownst to you, saeyoung noticed your sudden distress. he could read you like the back of his hand. “what’s the matter?” he asked.

taken aback, you responded “well.. everythings so expensive.” you had tried to mask your emotions in the moment, but to no avail. you should’ve known better than to think your love wouldn’t have his eyes on you 24/7. 

saeyoung could sense that was the issue. you had always been hesistant about spending other peoples money, however that just made him love you more. attempting to calm your worries, he says “don’t worry about it. you know i get paid well”.

you paused, thinking about his statement. “i know, but you should put that money towards savings. after all your work is illegal” you respond, after giving it a half-assed thought. your eyes peered up to find the love of your life smirking, just before replying “pshh, laws are just words on a paper”.

you had to admit, that was a playful thing for him to say. so far he had succeeded in his plans of lightening the mood, it being confirmed when you returned his reply with a giggle. god he loved hearing that giggle.

calling the waiter over again, you two placed your orders. meaning now you both were participating in the waiting game. in saeyoung’s mind, this was a perfect opportunity. he would have at least 20 minutes to explain everything he had been planning to.

so, he starts to go for it. opening by saying “so, about why i was late earlier.” now he had your full attention as you were dying to hear his reasoning so you could decide whether or not an ass whooping would be an acceptable punishment for this evenings occurrence.

“i had booked an appointment to sign some paperwork, but the appointment got moved 30 minutes. i didn’t have a choice but to leave you waiting. and i was too caught up in the moment to let you know beforehand” he continued, giving you a second to take in his words.

yet your mind began racing with questions. what paperwork? why did he need an appointment? why would he plan it for today? you left no time to waste before you let the questions out, not wanting to waste a single second.

perfect, he thought. you were going along with what he had planned out to happen beforehand. giving you your much deserved answers, he continues “well, i needed to do it today so i could give you a proper surprise. i never want you to be in any unnecessary stress, hence why i did everything in advance.”

he left you hanging for no more than a second. he loved being able to see the face you made while you were practically on the edge of your seat. he also loved the dramatic effect, the one he’d never be able to nail unless he were an experience actor. nevertheless, it was fun to try.

so to finish his statement, he lets the secret free, exclaiming “since we both have an undying love for cats, i’ve decided to adopt one. we pick her up tomorrow” giving a genuine, ever so loving, smile at the end of the long awaited sentence.

focused on your end of the table, his heart nearly exploded seeing your face go from suspense to pure joy. he couldn’t ask for anything more. you had began to let out an excited scream, only to contain yourself once the table next to you started to stare. however that didn’t stop you picking yourself up to meet the red head sitting across from you, smiling like a saint.

pulling him into a hug, you whispered “we’re really adopting a cat?” as your lips stood 2 inches away from his ear. his head pulled back from the embrace for a quick moment, only to confirm your statement with a nod of happiness. 

standing there in pure bliss, fantasizing about your new life with your fur baby, you found yourself nearing crying from the overwhelming announcement. only to be brought back to reality once the waiter arrived with your meals. you pulled away, only slightly embarrassed, to become your feast.

“i’m glad you’re so excited” saeyoung spoke. god was all too good to him, he thought. you smiled, softly replying “thank you”. your eyes glanced up from your newly delivered meal to find your lover looking no different than a child being delivered delicious ice cream.

“shall we begin our meal then, 606?” he proposed. you nod, picking up the utensil placed to your right. creating the passage way for the two of you to continue your night full of bliss, no more, no less.

as you silently decided against an ass whooping as reasonable punishment.

BONUS: *on the way home*

“saeyoung” you begin, feeling the once scorching sun hit your revealed arm. “do you have a picture of our future daughter?” you ask. after receiving a gentle laugh, your eyes are met with your loves phone. once inspecting the picture, you could feel yourself melt on the spot.

“she’s adorable, isn’t she?” saeyoung asked, taking a notice of the way your eyes lit up like stars at midnight. with an aggressive yet playful nod of confirmation, in the next second he could feel the way your body pushed into his side, your arms wrapping around his torso.

“thank you so much” you let out, barely being heard from muffling yourself in your lovers flesh. although you couldn’t see it, you had a sense of saeyoungs current facial expression.

one full of excitement, love, passion, and warmth. he would treat this cat like his child, you were positive of it. and on the plus side, jumin wouldn’t have to worry about saeyoung trying to get a hold of elizabeth now.

in that moment, almost as if he heard your thoughts, he says “we should name her elizabeth the fourth, elly for short!”. there was the silly, child-like man you loved, you thought. 

for the remainder of the late hours, you would be convincing saeyoung not to name her any variation of the name elizabeth the third. you knew for a fact that letting that name slide would result in a lawsuit by the morning. 

elly the fourth did sound cute though... perhaps you should propose keeping it as a nickname for times jumin isn’t present. 

---

3:07 AST - 07/22/21

[izabellq]

Costumes -> Tamaki Amajiki

summary: you accidentally match costumes with tamaki. prepare yourself for a whole day of endless shenanigans.

contains: MAJOR FLUFF, language if you squint (ik canonically, mirio is in 3-B, but for the sake of this plot, the big three are all in 3-A) also, i tried to make this gender-neutral, so if there’s any specified pronouns, let me know and i’ll fix it ASAP!

THIS IS MY HALLOWEEN SPECIAL! (im very much aware i posted this a day late oop)

UA had decided to hold a special event where students could wear their Halloween costume to school. You weren’t planning anything special or unique, just something to get the job done. So, you decided to dress like a cute puppy. It was only a simple onesie: topped with cute floppy dog ears on your hood, and a tail that attached from the bottom. You weren’t expecting to get a lot of attention, which was perfectly fine with you because you were never the type to seek the stage. You topped off the simple look with a black spot on your nose and one around your eye. And just like, you were good to go.

When you walked into school, you couldn’t help but feel a tad bit insecure. It seemed like everyone had decked out for this special occasion. You passed by some anime cosplay, food costumes, group oriented costumes — everything you could possibly think of. And as you made your way to your class, you wondered what Tamaki would be wearing.

You couldn’t help yourself. It was undeniably true that you had a rather large crush on him. Everything about him was enticing. He was so shy that it was usually you who initiated conversation, but that wasn’t enough to make you falter. You understood he wasn’t the most socially active person around. To be frank, it was rather comforting to know that not everyone at UA was a egotistical narcissist.

Finding your assigned seat, you scanned the class. Some of your peers also took the simple route which put some of your thoughts at ease. Others, the more competitive students, were quite impressive themselves.

You turn towards the doorway when Mirio’s booming voice gathers the room’s attention. He was wearing a... whoopie cushion? Oh dear lord. Mirio was a stickler for humor, so of course, he’d wear practically anything that could rise a laugh out of someone. Only, his jokes kind of sucked and no doubt would the class of 3-A be subject to awful fart jokes for the rest of the day. You weren’t so worried about that as you were worried about the two other students usually attached to his hip. One of them being Tamaki Amajiki.

The next one to stop into class was Nejire Hado who was absolutely breathtaking. Her costume, which was nothing more than a fairy, seemed to capture her true personality perfectly. Although, an angel would also be very accurate in her case. She turned towards the entrance way and stuck her head out into the hallway, “Tamaki! Don’t be shy! You look so cute!”

Your heart began to beat just a little bit faster.

“Mirio! Come help me out with him,” Nejire stomped into the hallway, the fluttering of her makeshift wings dissappeared, only to be followed by a laughing Mirio.

When they returned, their hands were clasped over Tamaki’s wrists, forbidding him from turning around and sulking out in the hallway. When you saw him, you’re taken aback. The smallest of gasps erupt from your lips when you notice his costume choice. A onesie, similar to yours, but instead of the dog ears; replaced with cat ones, and a longer tail attached to the back. He had the same minimal face paint (lined whiskers and a nose) as you did, curtesy of Nejire.

When he looked up, his cheeks were flamed with embarrassment. He found your gaze, and if it were possible, he became even more sheepish. You weren’t any different. The thought of having a matching costume with Tamaki, despite not having any prior arrangements, made you equally embarrassed. Now, all you wondered was, did he notice?

Well, if he didn’t before, he sure did now when Nejire spoke up, “Hey Y/N! Oh my– are you a puppy? How cute! Wait! You’re matching with Tamaki! Now you two look like an adorable couple!”

Her excitement, plus her lack of censorship, made the class laugh— everyone’s attention on you and Tamaki. “Nejire...” Tamaki muttered. He stared at the floor, wishing it’d just swallow him whole.

“You guys should take a picture together,” Mirio suggested, walking over to where you sat and giving you a hand. You hesitantly took it, positive that you looked about ready to vomit or pass out. Maybe both. In that order.

Dragged to stand next to Tamaki, you spare him a single glance. He has his left hand up to his face, doing a shoty job at covering his red cheeks. To you, he seemed... more embarrassed than usual? Perhaps he just didn’t wanted to match costumes with you. It saddened you, but it wasn’t like you could do anything about it now.

Nejire laughed, “Say cheese!”

Tamaki mumbled something that you could only assume was in response to Nejire. In a small pickle of confidence, you grabbed his hand and entangled your fingers with his just before the camera went off.

“Cheese!”

That was first period.

When lunch rolled around, Tamaki had face planted himself on the table.

Nejire and Mirio sent each other a knowing look before moving to console him.

“I don’t understand why you’re not happy, Tamaki! You’re matching costumes with them, you got a picture with them, and they also held your hand!” Nejire listed off the things that happened before the bell rang, signaling the start of first period.

“I am happy...” Tamaki muttered, lifting himself up from the table, “But they probably hate me now.”

“I wouldn’t say that!” Mirio added, “Haven’t I told you that they most definitely have a crush on you?”

“No offense Mirio... but I’m not too keen on taking advice from a literal walking whoopie cushion.” Tamaki propped his arm on the table, before leaning his head into the palm of his hand. The same one you had so eagerly held. He wished to repeat the notion a million more times. Only now, he was afraid he had messed up his one and only opportunity.

Mirio gasped, “I’ll have you know that I got many compliments today!”

Nejire giggled before turning back to Tamaki. “Why don’t we just call them over here?”

“I- um, no... I’d rather not do that,” Tamaki rushed out. He wasn’t sure if he could handle another awkward occurrence with you. You’d surely find him weird.

“Where are they anyways?” Mirio asked, not before sinking his teeth on the apple provided on his lunch tray.

“Oh I see them!” Nejire not-so-subtly pointed at you. Tamaki couldn’t help himself as he turned to look in your direction.

You were laughing at something someone had said before adding your own little quip. You were so cute, he thought. Nejire was the one who suggested he wear a cat-themed costume due to the running joke that he was a ‘cute little kitten’. He was prepared to arrive in his normal uniform but Nejire’s persistence was unwavering. And if he knew what you’d be wearing— would he have accepted the costume more easily? You deserved better than him, he knew, but a small part of him fantasized about the ways you’d love him in a way no one else had before.

“Earth to Tamaki,” Nejire sang, snapping him out of his thoughts. “They’re coming over here, straighten up!”

“Hey Y/N, care to sit?” Mirio asked.

Tamaki’s looking down by the time you got there, so he barely registers it when you sit beside him. Your shoulder rubs against his in brief contact and it makes him shudder. He hopes you didn’t notice.

“What’s up guys?” You brought over a juice box from your other table, sipping on the straw of your drink rather intently.

“Tell Tamaki that my costume is funny!” Mirio piped up, distracted from the match-making he was SUPPOSED to be doing.

You nervously giggled, “Well... your costume is certainly an attention-grabber!”

Mirio seemed pleased with that answer, not having considered the fact that you dodged the question the best way you knew how. Tamaki stared at you, adoration etched into his irises. He didn’t realize he had left out a soft laugh until you were staring at him.

He choked up, “Uh- sorry... I didn’t mean to laugh.”

You smiled, a picture definition of the word perfect. Everything about you, he loved. He just loved you in general. “You don’t need to apologize Tamaki! Your laugh is very cute!”

You pinched his cheek before continuing your previous conversation with Mirio and Nejire. Did you even realize what you were doing to him? He hid his face in his arms and rested on the lunch table. Tamaki knew his face was probably several shades of red and pink. He was only wondering how long it would take before you’d actually kill him with your presence.

And that concluded lunch.

The last period of the day came and went uneventfully. And soon enough, class 3A had returned to the dorms, agreeing to remain in their respective costumes until the clock striked midnight. Some students had decided to spend the night on a scary movie binge, while others payed no mind to the event by studying and finishing thier cumulated late assignments.

You on the other hand we’re stuck in the kitchen, preparing some coffee to get you through the night. Mirio and Nejire had wanted to pull an all-nighter as well, which meant you had to figure out a way to not fall alseep before midnight hit. You already had a messed up sleep schedule as it was, so one more added incentive should make the whole evening smooth sailing.

“Y-Y/N?”

You turn towards the kitchen doorway where Tamaki stood, a bit shellshocked from your presence. Still in that cat onesie, you could see his whiskers had become a bit smudged.

You smiled at him, an ache wrapped around your chest became noticeably present to you. “Amajiki! Shouldn’t you be up in Mirio’s room with Nejire? I’ll be up there in a second, I just gotta finish this.”

“Ah, well,” Tamaki moved into the kitchen, fidgeting with his fingers as he talked. “You were taking a while, so they sent me to check up on you. I’m glad you’re o-okay though.”

You hummed in acknowledgment, turning back to the light stirring of the coffee machine. Your fingers uncoordinatedly tapped the kitchen’s counter, a melodic beat strung to match your voice. Tamaki watched with amusement— nothing like the sight of you in your element could make him any happier.

Actually, there was one thing that would be slightly better.

Slowly, he approached you until he had occupied the space beside you. You noticed him almost immediately, but had pretended to take more interest in your coffee than him. Your heart rate picked up, leaving you to mentally curse your inability to remain calm.

“I have a question,” His voice was hushed, a bit unsure of itself. You turned to look at him but his vision remained on the counter.

“What’s up?” When the coffee machine stilled, you pulled your mug out and carefully placed it in front of you. The smell of the roasted beans infiltrated your nostrils and you couldn’t get enough of it.

“Do you- I mean... I think I’m... no that’s not right. I think it’d better if I just show you...” He bit the inside of his lip, whilst finally mustering the courage to look at you. You’re eyes were widened with curiosity, the reflection of the night settling in your skin.

He moves slightly closer, and when you don’t move away, he softly places his hand on your cheek, angling your face so your centimeters away from each other. Tamaki tries to speak, but he honestly didn’t even think he’d get this far. He’s left utterly speechless. Perhaps if Fatgum were here, he’d supply him with the confidence he needed to pull this off. His anxiety-prone thoughts began to take initiative and he starts to pull away, believing to have bit off more than he could chew. He really did believe you deserved better than him.

But your still there. You’ve always been there. In more ways than one. You grip the front of his onesie and pull him back to his previous spot. His hand recupped your face, and you take this opportunity of surprise to place your lips on his. Nothing more than a second long, only the brush of your lips before the tingling sensation had dissappeared all together.

It wasn’t enough. For either of you. You can’t remember who surged forward first, but it couldn’t have mattered less. The only thing that was being even remotely processed was the heat of your frenzied kisses. Tamaki poured all of his emotions into that moment; from the way he felt when seeing you in your puppy onesie to the butterflies that clouded his mind whenever he thought of you.

You were the first to pull back out of breath. You don’t care that your makeup is beyond repair, or that his is either. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you muttered six words into the smooth crevice of his skin, completely forgetting about the coffee you were prepping for yourself. “I love you, I always have.”

Tamaki smiled, though the nervousness hadn’t completely disappeared. “I love you too.” He admitted, feeling his heart flutter at the mutual affection. It wasn’t one-sided after all, not one bit.

Maybe he ought to take more advice from his friend the whoopie cushion.

Then again, maybe not.

“There waiting for us you know,” Your voice was a bit muffled, having been the after-effect of hiding your face in his neck. He understood you perfectly nonetheless.

“They can wait a little longer,” His arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you impossibly closer.

“Kiss me again,” You pleaded.

And so, he did just that.

CHECK OUT MASTERLIST HERE!

[nightswithkookmin]

Dear new friend,

I just finished reading your messages. First of all, thank you. I think I would have been less traumatized out here if a lot of people took to sharing their thoughts on matters such as these in the manner in which you do.

I think I set myself up too because I be wanting to participate in certain topics and discussions and so often I find myself trying to sieve through the vitriol and pejoratives.

The gender of the word is feminine not masculine. I don’t see how that is misinformation.

"Sorry, the misinformation bit was because I was thinking about that tweet that went viral about this word being used only for woman. The person said it was an adjective, and you said it was an adjective, so I thought you were basing this information on that tweet. That day was crazy, some people spread this, wanted to change his pronouns, trend a hashtag and were saying he had came out... This was too much. And the "debunked" thing was about this tweet, as well. Not about the words being feminine and masculine. That's a fact, you're right."

I had no idea a tweet went viral like that claiming he wanted to change his pronouns. That's wild and I disagree. Lol. I think I've always maintained he uses He/him pronouns and said time and again I do not think he wants to be emasculated at all. As I said, that would have made him transgender not bigender and thus defeat the purpose. To be bigender he has to be two genders at the same time not one.

But I have been following the discussions on this topic on the bird app and I try my best to bring nuance to certain discussions. I try. Lol.

I take note of the differences between your language and Latin as you rightly pointed out. But I also do see the similarities and I think the explanation you gave and the examples you provided gives me a better understanding of the language structure.

"Yeah, totally fine hahah We tend to interpret things according to our own experiences; for me, a gendered word is part of my daily life, normal, and I don't bat an eye about it. Is just a word, the importance is in its meaning ─ and it suits filter SOOO well. For you, it's something more. At the end of the day, art is here to be interpreted, and if Jimin doesn't explicitly explain the filter performance, tattoos, set, outfits... It's open for interpretation. (And I'm not a person that tries to find hidden meanings. I simply enjoy what I enjoy. I have this thing about being as accurate as possible, so I try to stick to facts (like: I don't feel comfortable saying he chose these words, because I don't know if HE was the person that chose it (in the sense that he was the one that bring it up to the staff/company). Maybe someone else showed it to him and he was like: "Nice! I want it!". But I feel okay saying he's had a tattoo with these words (A fact). Also I don't make a big deal of most things ─ for me Jimin is Jimin and I'm supporting him regardless, he's precious)

(But Memories 2020 is coming and I'm almost sure they are going to show filter behind the scenes!!!! So we're going to understand better this masterpiece (I HOPE SO))

I understand what you mean. Some people are inclined towards taking the literal meaning of texts or in this case art and not read much into situations beyond what is presented at face value- not me🤣🤣🤣🤣

I do the magnifying glass and errthang👁

I think humans are complex and there's always a possibility of a psychological and or pathological stimulus underscoring their behaviors, choices and actions in most cases.

But that aside, I think it's easier to take a heteronormative view on things sometimes because cis straight has always been the norm even in appreciating art- but truth is, coding and co opting codified expressions is almost always part of queer culture and behavior too. If any other queer celebrity had used that expression, I would be reading much into it too beyond its semantics.

For me it's simple, would I be reading too too much into the language and art choice of someone I thought was cis straight? Hell No. Straight is boring and blunt as fuck.

Unless of course they were being intentionally witty or secretive about something, I'd assume and expect their expressions to be pretty much straight forward- generally. I went home to be would mean just that.

If I sensed the author were queer coding Home would mean something else entirely to be. Home becomes a symbol not a word. And if he chose to write that in Latin and not the language they spoke naturally, I'd assume there's something about that language that he likes and perhaps uses to code a queer message.

For closeted queer people who live in a world where they are constantly coerced to take on a duality and have an expressional alter egos- two identical identities with one being the facade and pretense through which they openly and largely perform normalcy of self, the other being their real self which they tuck away because it is inconsistent with the acceptable norms- I'd a take a very different approach to their art. But that's me.

If a straight person said they needed escape, it would mean something totally different to me than say if a queer person said they needed escape. Because those two are escaping two very different things.

For example, the words Moon and moonlight used by a straight person means nothing to me- perhaps because I just don't care much to look for its deeper meaning beyond the literal meaning of the words as presented. If it appears in a queer person's parlance, even if in passing, I assume immediately they are referencing something much more deeper, meaningful and coded.

Queer coding is a thing you know? And it's born out of necessity not choice sometimes.

Take for instance BTS's proclivity to 'queer codify' their music. Moon and moonlight has become symbolic of the inner struggles of a queer person amongst black 'educated' queer men and women. It's come to symbolize cultural norms and expectations and how those affect queer people- perhaps of all race.

In the Movie Moonlight, which has become the epitome of queer black struggles and desires for liberation, this motif was used to represent the struggles of a black boy dealing with the pressures of a hyper masculine society.

When RM references this in 4 Oclock, 'the whole world is blue under the moonlight' is he queer coding or just appropraiting queer parlance as buzz word? That expression takes on a whole new meaning were he queer. Blue symbolizes queerness- a theory popularized of course by the Film. When V who once wrote an allegedly 'queer coded song' Stigma says he is blue- what does he mean now? On the surface blue means blue. Would you take a straightforward view on this or assume its symbolic? And what is it symbolic of?? Sadness?? Gayness?

If RM had an accompanying tattoo as compliment to the song in his performance that evoked similar sentiments or hinted at a possible second meaning I wouldn't assume that that tattoo meant nothing or that it didn't have a deeper meaning behind it.

It's just as how Lil Nas X posted a city of rainbows and people said 'rainbows are rainbows. Y'all shouldn't read much into it.' But for queer people that was pretty much a declaration of his sexuality.

Later he had to post again and reiterate that that rainbow post was his coming out moment. 'I thought I made it obvious.'

Somethings are pretty much obvious.

For JM who don't speak Latin- unless he is secretly fluent in which case my bad- I don't think he cares so much about the grammar of the language beyond it's meaning. And perhaps gender? Grammatical gender I mean. That's just because the first thing you learn about Latin is that all the nouns are gendered?

I won't lie. When I first learned that I was supper fascinated about grammatical gender and why speakers of the language felt a need to gender every word of the language.

In the end, we all don't know. I'm out here convinced two Asian men are so gay they can't straight to save their asses. I have a tendency to view everything they do through queer lens. If they are not gay I'm pretty much gaslighting them you know?

I'm always fascinated by different point of views on a myriad of subjects. Just as you said, our diverse experiences inform our experiences and perspectives. I just hope people acknowledge how their straightness informs their understanding of queerness too and how that has a tendency to be invalidating and dismissive of queer issues and experiences.

But to me it's like, if Jikook are gay why do you have to interpret what they do through straight lens?

Personally, I wouldn't interpret straight through queer lens and force that view on to straight people. That would be homonormative? Assuming rainbow means straight people are gay when they are not, moon means feminine to straight men, that the use of the word God makes one a Christian- that's just silly and bizarre.

I use Namaste often and suddenly some people here think I'm Indian. I wish. They have one hell of a culture.

When I was reading through your messages, all that kept playing in my head was- that's a very 'straight' view on the matter. Lol. Please tell me you got the pun. Lol.

I think my opinion will remain the same on the matter if you placed any queer person in Jimin's stead. Any queer person that I believed was queer and had hinted a few times at exploring a dual identity or going through that phase at least.

I think I'd enjoy your blog if you had one.

I love love the lesson on Italian or is it Spanish?

Also, I would love your take on V and Stigma. A lot of queer stans have a queer reading of the lyrics- I see the appeal however I don't have a queer reading of it at all. Thoughts??

Namaste.

Signed,

GOLDY

[samuraifacts]

Uesugi Kenshin, Goddess of war?

  Alright. This is going to be my second of three posts this weekend talking about infamous rumors pertaining to Japan’s Sengoku Era. The point of these posts talking about famous rumors isn’t really to pick a side about if I believe them or not, but simply to lay out some info in regards to them. Also, like the previous and following posts, I am going to add a rumors hashtag to this one to be a bit more clear about it’s place in this blog. I’m also adding the Sengoku Basara tag since the series plays with this legend quite a bit.   In recent years in pop culture media, especially games based around “If the generals of the Sengoku Era became females” and “Which warlord would you date?” and even in series like “Sengoku Basara” and a few of the “Nobunaga’s ambition” titles it has become popular to have Uesugi Kenshin as either sexually androgynous or giving an option to have Kenshin be a man or a woman. While this is fun and kind of a quirky thing to add to games it raises a key question. Why Uesugi Kenshin? We are talking about the famous Dragon of Echigo, the War God Incarnate, and arguably one of the most feared figures in Japanese history! So how do we end up with this notion that Uesugi Kenshin may have been female?   While it is tempting to write out a long biography about one of my favorite Sengoku Daimyo I will leave that to you all to research. Instead I will just post a brief summary. Kenshin was a well known Daimyo of the Sengoku Jidai famous for several things. First being his devotion to Buddhism. Second being his infamous four clashes with his rival Takeda Shingen and the battles of Kawanakajima. Third being his severe drinking problem. Then finally being his ability as a capable military leader. Kenshin took control of Echigo after a rather violent conflict and turned his forces into some of the most feared in Japan. In fact, he was so feared that rumors exist to this day that after news of his death spread across Japan rival warlords not only mourned the passing of such a great man but actually refused to attack his now weakened clan out of concern that Kenshin may still be alive and rumors of his death nothing more than a trick to lure in and murder his enemies.   Back to the topic at hand. Why do people think such Kenshin was a woman and how did this thinking come about? Some of this thinking can be traced back to the novelist Tomeo Yagiri. Supposedly he found a Spanish report saying that Uesugi Kenshin was actually the aunt of his heir Uesugi Kagekatsu. Though it should be pointed out gender pronouns tend to get lost and confused a lot when translating Japanese to western languages.    Another alleged reason is that the  Kōyō Gunkan suggests Uesugi Kenshin had severe stomach cramps once a month and may have planned his campaign around these stomach cramps. Obviously, those that believe Kenshin was a woman point to this as Kenshin’s period. Some legends also state that once a month Kenshin demanded to be alone for isolated meditation.    Other harder to verify claims that support this argument include legends that Kenshin took an interest in poetry and historical studies focusing on women and love. Another legend is that only his beloved older sister Aya was allowed to see him behind closed doors or without any clothing. Kenshin also, supposedly, didn’t have sex. It is also alleged that at his funeral, his corpse was dressed in surprisingly thick robes for a dead samurai lord.   Now that we have the rumors out of the way lets try looking at things we do know about Kenshin that people have interpreted as signs of his being a woman. One fact is that in spite of being a Daimyo he never married or had children. Most daimyo had a wife, or three, and several concubines. Yet Kenshin had none and chose his sister Aya’s son to be the next lord of the Uesugi. In terms of typical warlord behavior, this has been something that has always seemed difficult to explain.   Kenshin also had a seve alcohol addiction.  So much so he even spoke of alcohol in his death poem. While this isn’t unusual per say some people point to alcoholism as a sign of deeper problems.Problems which if you are a supporter of this theory include hiding your gender for 45 years.   While I won’t give my personal opinion on this rumor I would like to point out something. This rumor leave us with a key question in regards to Kenshin supposedly hiding his gender. The question is why? If Kenshin was a woman why cover it up? Other female leaders existed such as Tachibana Genchiyo, Yodo-dono  and Ii Naotora. To which these arguments all seem to circle back to an issue of fear and respect. Would things have been different if the Uesugi clan was commanded by a woman? Would kenshin have then been forced by retainers to have a husband who would become the clan head similar to Tachibana Genchiyo? Would they have overthrown Kenshin? Sadly we have no way to really know.     To end this rumor I would like to add one more thing. It is a small, and over all kind of silly argument but it is part of this legend and so I want to include it here. Some people who argue against Kenshin being female point out that in artwork of Uesugi Kenshin he is shown with facial hair. Sometimes a thick beard or mustache. So how could he be a woman? One of the counter arguments I often hear for this include the obvious fact that women can grow facial hair as well. The other one I hear is that a lot of artistic commissions of historical figures tend to be made to please the person the art is made for. Poems of famous warlords such as Nobunaga and some Roman leaders often flattered them because the poet didn’t want to be beheaded. Paintings often made historic leaders look stronger and braver than they actually appeared. The famous samurai Date Masamune lost his eye as a child but we see some paintings show him having both eyes in order to look more natural and some would argue “stronger”. If one of the deadliest men in Japan told you “give me a proper mustache” even if they didn’t have one and after they gave you quite a bit of money would you dare defy them?    Well that is all for this post. I would love to read your thoughts on this legend. So feel free to reply and post what you think about the “evidence” and if you think its possible that Kenshin was female or not. In the meantime I will wish you all a great weekend and see you next time.

[girlsbtrs]

An Interview with PLEXXAGLASS

Written by Olivia Khiel. Graphic by James N Grey. 

Non-binary dark pop artist PLEXXAGLASS has found their identity and carved out their own space in the music world. With the pandemic putting things on hold, they took to TikTok, reaching a new community of queer fans to connect with through songs like “Liar” and “Lilith” (the latter produced by Linkin Park’s Mike Shinoda). GBTRS spoke with Plexxaglass about collaborating with Shinoda, their gender identity journey and what they hope listeners will connect with in their music.

Girls Behind the Rock Show: Now that you have more music out, how would you describe the evolution of your sound from when you started to where you are now?

Plexxaglass: I love that question. Because it's kind of funny- I feel like I made a little bit of a circle. I say that because the first two songs that I put out- "Lament en Route" and "Liar"- they're pretty similar sonically to the songs that I'm putting out. So much so that I'm actually going to include those songs on the LP that I'll be releasing, tentatively in October. There's an interesting little gap between those first two songs, and then I put out three other songs that was like my experimental phase. I'm always having fun, but I was trying some different things. I'm happy that I did that and there were two music videos that came out of that cycle or phase. Those songs are "Dead-Eyed Monsters" and "Ana Thema". But I feel like I found my way back to what I found initially, which is really interesting and fun to realize now.

GBTRS: What's the story behind your latest singles? What was it like collaborating with Mike Shinoda on "Lilith"?

Plexxaglass: "Lilith" was a half-finished song honestly- maybe even a quarter-finished song when I even got in touch with Mike. That happened so serendipitously-I had a listener who was also a regular viewer of my Twitch channel and a huge Linkin Park and Shinoda fan in general who hit me up on Instagram and was like, 'Mike Shinoda is producing independent artists' tracks, you should totally submit'. 

I submitted what I had of "Lilith" at the time, which was only a verse and the hook. It was a song that I loved and I knew that I wanted to be finished. I'm not one of those musicians that can just be like, 'alright, I'm gonna write a song today'. I really have to be called by the Muses or some shit. I have to be very inspired. But when Mike reached out to me, that was incentive and inspiration enough. I think when I was sitting down to finish it, I finished in maybe 20 minutes. That's just how it happens sometimes. When it's there, it's there and I finish songs really quickly. The process of working with Mike was amazing, and him and his team told me in the beginning that it was going to be pretty hands off on my part. I knew going in that I was gonna have to take it or leave it, which was sort of scary. I was like, oh shit, what if I don't like it? Am I gonna have to tell Mike Shinoda that I don't want to release the work that he did on my track? Oh my god, that's so scary. But no, of course, he's just so versatile. He really is a musician's musician, and he just gets music in general- doesn't matter what genre it is. I believe my song is the one that he finished the fastest, which is very flattering. It made me feel like it was just very ready. He didn't really have to do too much to it. It was a really, really cool experience that I just will cherish forever and ever and ever.

GBTRS: The song came out beautifully so it's great that things worked out so well.

Plexxaglass: Yeah! And the inspiration behind that one- I wrote it out of a fascination with the second season of The Handmaid's Tale. I found that dynamic so fascinating. I find women or femme-presenting people who [are] in a marginalized group who buys into very oppressive religious practices horrifying and fascinating at the same time. That was the inspiration behind writing that and really sitting with wondering if there's ever an awakening with those people. That was really the basis for that whole song.

GBTRS: You've gotten to collab with Mike Shinoda, but is there anyone else on your list that you'd love to be in the studio with in the future?

Plexxaglass: Oh god, yeah. So many. Right off the top of my head...I love Bishop Briggs, I love Dermot Kennedy, Bon Iver, Annie from St. Vincent, Florence Welch. Those are the big ones. I would die happy if I ever got to collaborate with any of them. That would be amazing.

GBTRS: What else do you find yourself drawing inspiration from these days?

Plexxaglass: Up until this point, it's been very autobiographical. It's been very much things that have happened in my life. I am trying to get away from that because I'm somebody who writes more somber music. I have some anthemic stuff that's more uplifting, but it is dark pop. I am at a point in my life where I'm generally- I'm mentally ill- but I'm generally a happy person. There's not a lot of dramatic tragedy going on in my life at 30 anymore. I'm trying to write a little more abstractly these days, but the themes that seem to always reoccur are very social justice motivated. Writing about mental illness and mental health are all themes that I tend to write about over and over again in different ways.

GBTRS: You've been very vocal and open about your gender identity and that's very important to so many people who are looking to find themselves in the people that they listen to. Do you have any advice for people who are struggling with that, or even advice for creatives who are in the industry who are working through that as well? 

Plexxaglass: So my coming out as non-binary is still honestly pretty new. I came out publicly about it a little over a year ago. It's something that I always knew, but growing up we just didn't have the language for it. I didn't really know why I felt so out of place and that it felt like such a struggle to present as feminine as possible so as not to feel like I was an outsider. I spent many years trying very hard to conform. 

I think a lot of it was literature that talked about neo-pronouns [that] was something that happened for me that was really an eye-opener. I knew at that point that there were people who used they/them pronouns [and] identified as non-binary, but for some reason, it didn't really click until a book called Black Sun. They have a character that uses neo-pronouns. It just really slapped me in the face. 

I'm really lucky. My friends and family have been almost apathetic about it- like 'that totally makes sense'. The other thing that really helped me was honestly TikTok as well. There is a large trans and non-binary community on TikTok. That was where I really found community, because it was scary to me, because I have conformed for so long. Being a woman was something that I made a very clear part of my identity for so long, that I was scared to lose that community.

I would just say to anyone who is afraid of that: anyone who doesn't still want to welcome you in their space isn't a person you want in your life anyway. I've been lucky that I haven't really had a lot of that. It was a struggle to let go of that. After I came out publicly, I was looking through my closet and I have all of these shirts that say Girl Club and Badass Woman [and] all of these because I was trying so hard. It was difficult to let go of that and come to terms with the fact that it really never was me- it was a mask that I was putting on to feel included and normal.

GBTRS: Do you have a song in your catalog that particularly resonates with you?

Plexxaglass: There's a song that's coming out in August. It's the last single off of this record [and] it's called "Tall". It is about being a trauma survivor- my trauma- and just a rallying cry for trauma survivors in general. I have put out little teasers of it on TikTok and it does seem like it's really resonating with people, which is very exciting. But out of the catalog of songs that I have out currently, the song "Liar"...it's kind of similar in tone. I wrote it after I was diagnosed Bipolar II. It's a song that's very clearly about mental health struggles and I think anyone who does struggle with depression really does relate to that song. That song was the one that really gifted me listeners from TikTok. So that's a song I'll always cherish for many, many reasons, but it has definitely brought me my little music family.

GBTRS: Now that you're starting to connect even more with your listeners, is there anything specific that you hope people take away from your music when they hear you for the first time?

Plexxaglass: I think, like most people, I wanted to create a little community, and I do feel like I'm finally getting to a point where I'm doing that with my music and connecting people and their experiences. 

GBTRS: Now that things are starting to move forward, what's coming up for you?

Plexxaglass: I want to get back to playing shows. I definitely want to pair a show with the release of the record, so I'm hoping I'm going to book some shows for the fall. Get back into rehearsals with a band and get that going and just keep writing and coming up with new material for the next wave of music.

GBTRS: Is there anything else that you want people to know about you or your music, or is there anything that you wish you got to talk about more that you might not get asked?

Plexxaglass: Wow, good question. I think a lot of people don't realize that musicians- especially independent artists- this is this is our small business. It takes a lot of work, obviously, it takes talent and patience, but it takes money. That's why they're there are gaps in time of when I put music out, because sometimes I just legitimately can't afford to- which is sad, I wish that the US had more support for artists like I know other countries do- I know that the UK is really good about grant opportunities for their artists out there. 

I know that people are happy to consume music, but I think people don't realize- especially in the independent side of things- how hard it is to be a musician who's trying to make it in this country. I appreciate everyone who has ever just randomly sent me like $2 on PayPal. It means so much to me because it means that they get that and I think that is something really special and cool about the family that I'm building with my music because they think that they really see me and they appreciate the work. It's people who genuinely want to be involved in my work, and that is something I've never experienced before until the past year or two. That's awesome because myself and my producer, Kevin...we love this project to death. It's awesome to see response from people who love it just as much as we do.

[daanny2772]

FFXIV Dark Knight Level 35 Job Quest Fan Translation

Due to the differences between Fray Myste portrayed in the Japanese and English versions, I have decided to translate a number of the Dark Knight story quests from Japanese. I am by no means proficient in the language and ask that you forgive me for any incorrect translations. Please do let me know so that I am able to fix the mistakes. That being said, there are liberties I have taken due to the structure of the two languages being significantly different. Thank you for keeping this in mind.

Tumblr user haillenarte has also translated the level 45 and 50 quests along time ago. Go check it out if you haven't yet! https://haillenarte.tumblr.com/tagged/fray

I have recorded and subbed a video of my WOL going through the DRK quests below. I’m sorry that the lvl 35 one had to be split into two, but the future ones I’m working on subbing should not have that problem (hopefully...)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnP6yVSIHpE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pG0IBvqNdIg 

I’ve taken the Japanese lines from https://alnoumin.exblog.jp/24252515/ and have left the name of their WOL in the Japanese lines.

Guided by a Shriek 

Fray seems to be waiting in the Brume for the adventurer to visit.

***

Fray: We meet again, Nyxahk.  Well then, I will be teaching you everything within the extent of my memories about the Dark Knight.

...But before that, is there anything you’re still curious regarding what happened before the conflict involving the young lady?

The mystery that remains is …?

I wonder how that grandmother is doing?

...Huh? Ah, um… That’s right… I think she’ll be alright as long as she’s with that Miss.

But-- there should be something more puzzling than that! Jeez, you’re truly-- (*unbelievable) 

Fray’s charges

フレイ：あれ……言いませんでしたっけ、無実の罪だって。えっ？　もっと詳しく？う、ううん……思い出すので、ちょっと待ってくださいね。

Huh… Now that I think about it, I didn’t say that I was falsely accused. Eh? You want more details? Hm… please wait a little as I try to recall the events.

...Right, right. An innocent woman was being chased by the Templar Knights. As I was protecting her, I was charged with a made up crime. Really, it’s all because I trying to be nice...

But more importantly, isn’t there anything about yourself that you’re curious about?

About the Voice I heard at the beginning

Yes, that’s exactly it. When you first touched my Soul Stone, you heard someone’s Voice in anguish, correct?

You were intrigued by what that voice could have been… It’s possible it was the voice of “a certain someone you must protect” somewhere in this world.

The Dark Knights of the past have believed in protecting the weak, in the way that you should be bonded with this certain someone. ...Were you to turn a blind eye to this person, you would be a failure as a Dark Knight.

In order for you to become a Dark Knight for this certain person, lets confirm the true intents of their Voice. If you can come to wield even stronger Darkness, you may be able to hear that voice again.

In order to obtain even stronger Darkness, a special rite (communion) is required. I have yet to choose a location for the rite… but with the conflict from the other day still fresh, we may get interrupted if we were to remain in Ishgard.

 Let’s head out on a trip. I’ll be waiting for you at Little Ala Mhigo in South Thanalan.

***

Fray: Ah, it’s great we were able to meet up. Without further ado, I’ll explain the details of this rite to obtain further powers of Darkness.

As long as you have my power, we may begin this rite at any time. However, to receive the power of Darkness is the same as awakening the repressed negative emotions within you.

Therefore, if someone who is not strong enough took on the rite, they would be overcome with those repressed emotions and be killed by the power.

In order to avoid that, you must show me the extents of your ability as a Dark Knight before the rite is to happen.

The best way for me to see your true strength is for you to defeat a strong enemy… Let’s go ask the leader of the village to see if there is a suitable opponent or not.

***

Gundobald: Oh, it’s the adventurer. Though we were unable to prepare a reception, we welcome your return. What business do you have here today?

...I see. You require a strong enemy to test the bounds of your strength.

There is one thing on my mind. Just the north of here at the Red Labyrinth, there have been appearances of ferocious Crag Bite Peistes. 

Their strike is strong, and have even injured many fellow beasts raised in this dangerous region.

Fray: That does seem to be a suitable opponent. The main point of fighting as a Dark Knight is to endure the enemy’s powerful attacks while continuing to attack. ...How will we be able to meet this enemy?

Gundobald: That thing seems to be attracted to the smell of goat breast meat brought by the merchants from Minotaur Malm. In order to draw it out, here is the meat I spoke of.

Though this land is poor, I would like to repay what you’ve done for us, even if it’s just a little.

But still, I  am glad to see this. You’ve brought a friend along, and you’re even relying on us...Hm… You say you’ve only just met this person?

For some reason, you two give off the impression of partners having travelled together for a long time, or that of friends bond strongly to one another… Was it just my imagination?

Fray: ...Nyxakh, it’s about time we get going.

***

Fray: Please show me the true extents of your power as a Dark Knight here. Please defeat the Crag Bite Peistes lured by the goat breast meat we placed. 

It seems the attacks from your enemies will be strong. While keeping your injuries to the least amount possible, attacking when you see the gaps in their defenses should lead you to your victory.

…Then without further ado, commence the battle!

***

Fray: Well done Nyxakh. It seems you have improved your skills from last time.

Though the duty of a Dark Knight is to protect, it does not mean thoughtlessly taking on attacks, nor that defeat means losing everything you have.

If you truly wish to protect that which is important to you, determining the movements of your enemy and keeping your injuries within limits are both essential. And how to use the powers of Darkness is also a part of it, right?

There should be no problems for us to carry out the ritual like this. For now, let’s return to the outskirts of Little Ala Mhigo. We wouldn’t want to be distrubed by any beasts attracted by the leftover meat. 

***

Fray: Without further ado, for you to obtain further powers of Darkness, I will carry out the ritual.

Even though it’s called a ritual, it’s nothing difficult. Simply hold your hand out to mine and close your eyes to concentrate. Your emotions will naturally overflow, and the power should well up alongside it.

It would be good if you can hear that certain someone’s voice again… Anyway, if your heart is ready, then please go ahead and give it a shot.

 ***

As you are thinking that your chest feels like it’s on fire, the Voice rings through your head...

???: ...It hurts… It’s painful… Everything… is hopeless...

How many more challenges must I go through to see hope? It’s as if I’m fighting a battle without end...

For what reason do I continue to stand up…? For what reason do I continue to fight? It hurts, it hurts, it’s getting harder to breathe.... Ah, someone....

***

Fray: ...How was it, Nyxahk? It seems that the rite was a success… Were you able to hear the Voice?

Though you were able to hear it, you still do not know their identity…?

But at the very least, it seems that my conjecture was correct. Somewhere in the world, there is a weak person you must protect, their voice connected to you by the powers of the Darkness.

I don’t know how much of the power of Darkness we will need in order to find out the identity of that Voice. But even so, there exists someone only you can protect.

If the voice you heard was able to reach your heart even a little, I think that’s the path you should continue down. Am I wrong, Nyxakh Nemophila?

What a relief… As I expected, you’re kind as well as strong. That certain person to be protected by a Dark Knight like you will surely be blessed with happiness.

To be honest, I travelled with someone similar to you a long time ago. Without any reason, we stepped out into the vast world, our hearts trembling at everything and anything… it was that kind of journey, you see.

But… yes, it was around this place, they defeated a terrible threat and became a hero.

...But being a hero isn’t all that great, you know? Being manipulated by all sorts of things, only saving up a pile of injuries, eventually even becoming unable to see yourself...

And like that, they drifted away from me, until not even my voice was able to reach them.

I don’t want you to lose sight of what’s important to you. If you decide to protect that certain someone, listen carefully to their voice, and please don’t ever avert your eyes from them. 

Then, when you become even stronger, you’ll take on the rite of Darkness again. ...We definitely have to meet up again at the place we first met.

***

t/n:

- Crag Bite Peistes - the english only had it listed as peistes, but the crag bite part is so funny to me because I had and still have no idea what the katakana is referring to so I stuck it in Google Translate. That's what came out and it makes me laugh so I've left it in 

- Jeez, you’re truly-- (*unbelievable) - What Fray says would be close to "People like you--", the unbelievable part is implied. He's pretty much just really exasperated at WOL and it's cute. i love him

- Regarding the person that Fray talks about having gone on an adventure with, their pronouns will change depending on the gender of the character. I've used they for my translations as my WOL uses they.

- the rite Fray talks about is called a communion in Eng which works better imo in the overall scheme of things but i left it as rite here

[the-omni-princess]

Ambushed

Author: @the-omni-princess

Summary:

When a mission turns sour, you almost sacrifice your life to save Bucky. Both of you soon realize that you both have feelings for each other.

Word Count: 2K

Prompt:

“If you touch me again, I'll break your fucking neck.”

Pairing: Bucky x Avenger!Reader

Warnings: Language, violence, minor injuries, minor character death, fluff, protective!Bucky

A/N:

This is for @buckygrantbarnes ‘s writing challenge!! 

#buckygrantbarneswritingchallenge

Prompt is bolded

And there are no pronouns for the reader, so any gender can read it <3

[Masterlist] [Link to this story on Ao3]

-

That’s it. You thought. I officially hate this mission. A simple mission to the outskirts of Narvik, Norway for information hidden in an abandoned Hydra facility, turned into an ambush. Bucky and you stood back to back, sweaty, dirty, both of your guns were out of bullets a while ago so you both were gripping knives. To top it all off, you were currently surrounded by twenty hydra agents, with your comms down. Your last check-in location wasn’t too far off from where you currently were but it would take Steve and Natasha a while to navigate the mountains to even reach the facility in the quinjet. You thought this would be one easy mission with the super-soldier who was constantly in your daydreams. You were very wrong.

One of the Hydra goons took a step forward, towards you, and with quick precision, you launched your last knife, which landed with a slick thud into the man’s throat. “Fuck, that was my last knife. Any ideas on escaping yet, Buck?” you groaned, raising your fists and hoping one of the idiots in front of you decided not to lounge for you now that you didn’t have a weapon.

“I’m starting to think I’m gonna have to teach you how to stop losing weapons, doll,” Bucky teased, despite only having one knife left. Another one of the men lounged for you but made the mistake of being in Bucky’s eyesight. His last knife found a place in the man’s throat, who then proceeded to cough up blood on you as he went down.

“Bleh gross,” you complained lightly, but the situation of now both of you being weaponless and surrounded by Hydra agents was starting to set in. “Remember that one day in training when it was us versus Steve and Natasha and Scott? Wanna use that tactic?”

You heard Bucky chuckle behind you, “Where was that idea twenty minutes ago?”

“Better late than never,” you mumbled. Another agent lunged, apparently, they thought going after two Avengers one by one was a fantastic idea. This time sidestepped, tripping the agent, who hit their head on the concrete below. Suddenly getting the idea one at a time wasn’t a good idea, the rest of the agents jumped towards the two of you. Bucky was managing to toss most of them off, at least you think so, and you were throwing punches to anyone who jumped too close.

Your arm was suddenly grabbed by someone who was most definitely stronger than you. Rather than pull, they pushed, the unexpected move tripping you only slightly, but it opened a window for the several agents surrounding you to grab at you. A swift kick to the back of your legs brought you to your knees, hard against the concrete, as two more agents grabbed your arms, securing you in place with cuffs. The sudden movements were making you lightheaded as you thrashed to get away but a gun cocking and a cold press of metal against your temple made you freeze. You finally noticed Bucky had taken down just about all the agents that had attacked him, then after knocking the last one near him out, he turned on his heel, no doubt about to help you. He stopped dead in his tracks, paralyzed by the sight in front of him, you, perfectly still, with a gun pressed against your head.

“Ah, that’s very good Soldat, I’m glad to see you still haven’t lost any of your abilities.” The man who held the gun to your head spoke in a faint Russian accent, making a chill go up your spine.

Bucky practically growled, his eyes were cold, emotionless, as he stared the man down. “Let her go. Now.”

The man laughed, the vibrations from his chest pushed the gun further into your temple, making a soft whimper escape your lips. Bucky’s eyes shot to you, your eyes were closed so you couldn’t see the pure fear in his eyes. “Aw, does somebody have a crush?” The man pushed the gun deeper against you, another faint whine escaping you, causing Bucky to practically growl. “Well look at that. У актива есть слабость в конце концов.” The sudden Russian threw you off, but as you opened your eyes, now locked onto Bucky, you felt a strange sense of peace. You wouldn’t let these monsters take him back, he didn’t deserve that.

“Might as well kill me,” you turned your head slightly, surprising the man. “I’d rather die than let you have your grimy hands on him.” He slapped you with the blunt end of the gun, the sharp hot pain radiated across your temple, causing you to groan softly, but it turned into a chuckle. You looked the man straight in the eyes, ignoring the blood now dripping from your head. “If you touch me again, I'll break your fucking neck.” You growled softly.

A sick smile lit up the man’s face, “Oh yeah little one? And how do you suppose you do that?”

It was your turn to grin, “You talk too much, and you don’t pay attention to the hands,” you had been subtly picking the handcuffs they placed on you, which now dropped to the floor. You pushed your elbow up, while kicking your leg out, effectively pushing the gun away from your head, and knocking one of the agents behind you onto his face. Bucky, bless his soul, caught the hint, pounced on the man with the gun. He stole the gun, breaking the man’s wrist with a sickening crack. It didn’t take you to long to knock the rest of the agents out. A loud bang against the metal door that trapped you hear caught both of your attention, both of you holding knives, Bucky aiming the gun to the door. It was knocked down, navy blue and silver stepping into the room. Both of you lowered your weapons, “Oh thank fuck its only you Stevie,” you muttered, sheathing your knife and placing a hand against the wound on your head making you hiss as Steve walked in wearing the stealth suit.

Now relatively safe, and ignoring the added presence of his best friend, Bucky turned his attention to you. He swatted your hand away from the wound, grimacing slightly, “Not sure if that was incredibly brave or incredibly stupid. Could have gotten yourself killed, doll.” He gently put pressure on the wound, making you whine. “Fuck, it might need stitches.”

“You’re best friends with the self-sacrificing idiot standing at the door, I doubt this is the worst you’ve seen, Buck.” You mused. “Besides, it was that guys fault for not paying attention to the first rule of magic, always watch the hands.” You did a little jazz hands motion, causing him to chuckle, making you smile faintly.

With Steve watching both of your sixes, Bucky helped you back to the quinjet. Nothing was broken, and although the cut on your head probably needed stitches, it wasn’t too bad. You were sure though that Bucky Barnes, former Winter Soldier, was mother henning you. He sat beside you quietly on the quinjet, cleaning the cut. “It definitely needs stitches, doll. Do you trust me to do them?” he was gently pressing a piece of medical gauze to try to stop the bleeding.

“I trust you with my life, Bucky,” you replied, locking eyes with the super soldier. You both blushed, looking away from each other as Bucky coughed faintly, hiding a small smile as he grabbed the sutures. Neither of you saw Steve and Natasha give each other knowing looks as they watched you two.

“If it hurts too much let me know,” he said softly, you nodded, already gripping his metal arm. If he minded, he didn’t say anything. He stitched up the cut quickly, making sure he wasn’t hurting you. To your own credit, you only winced a few times.

“Bucky?” you asked softly once he was done, biting your lip.

“Yeah, doll?”

“What did that man say? When he was speaking in Russian? I only caught two of the words.” At the mention of Russian, Nat leaned in faintly, wanting to see this scene unfold, wishing she had popcorn. “Aктив… that’s what he called you, as if it was a name. and then слабость. But I don’t know what either of those words mean.”

Bucky sighed softly, throwing away the gauze as he bandaged your cut to hold the stitches together. “Asset… that’s what they called me, even back when I was under their control. And слабость means weakness. He was saying that I had a weakness.” He finished cleaning up, sitting beside you now.

“But why would they think you have a weakness, Bucky? You’re the strongest person I know, and not just physically.” You teased the last part, but confusion was evident on your face. You didn’t notice that now Steve was now invested in this soap opera happening in front of him.

Bucky wringed his hands faintly, nervous. “He was saying you’re my weakness, doll. And well you are. Fuck, seeing that gun against your head didn’t just make me freeze, it petrified me, doll. That if I made the wrong move, you would be taken from me. He was right, I have feelings for you, more than I should.” He confessed softly. Your eyes went wide, the realization that the super soldier you were harboring a crush on for months actually liked you back.

Your grin lit up your face, blush turning your cheeks a darker shade, “You know, I don’t think that’s a weakness. Love is a strength. It’s what makes us different from them. We don’t trade lives, remember?”

He chuckled faintly, chancing a look your way, his heart melting at your smile. “God, now you’re quoting Steve? What happened to no trading lives when you told that guy off? That you’d rather die than let Hydra take me again?”

“I meant it. I would gladly die protecting you, from Hydra, from the world, anything.” You whispered softly, staring at your hands. “I care about you more than I think I should.”

An awkward silence fell in the quinjet, both of you two were too flustered to speak, and Steve and Nat were just enjoying the show, not daring to break the moment.

“I’m sorry that was out of line-“ You started.

“Go out with me-“ both of you spoke at the same time, blurting out your thoughts. Both of your eyes went wide, you out of pure shock and him out of pure embarrassment that he let his thoughts slip. Deciding he had already thrown himself off the deep end, he rolled with it. “Please, doll, go out with me?”

“Like a date?” you whispered softly, the reality of the question slowly sinking in.

He chuckled, “Yes, y/n, like a date.”

You blinked a few times before a bright smile lit up your face, hurting your cheeks. “I’d love to,”

“Fucking finally,” Natasha mumbled, heading to the pilot’s seat, Steve handing her a twenty-dollar bill. Both you and Bucky looked at them in confusion, Steve groaning softly.

“We made bets to see when one of you would ask the other out.” He clarified, causing you to blush and Bucky to groan. “Nat won by a few stupid days, Tony’s gonna be pissed, he lost too.”

“You made bets?! And you knew we both liked each other?” You frowned, leaning towards Bucky as he laughed.

“You’re both obvious, plus the fossils tell each other everything,” Natasha called out from the pilot’s seat.

Bucky turned to you, “Well at least it’s out now.” He kissed your head, brushing faintly on the bandage. “Besides, I’m going to take you on the date of your life.” He promised softly, both of you grinning at each other. It was clear to everyone else that you two that you were both idiots in love, but they had a feeling you two would figure it out pretty soon.

----

Russian Translation (From Google so I’m sorry if it sucks):

У актива есть слабость в конце концов. = The asset has a weakness after all.

----

Bucky Tags:

@cassandras-musings  

Check out my masterlist! Please comment, reblog, like, and tell me what you think. For any sorta tag just comment or send me an ask.

-

[edencantstopfallininlove]

Consolation (Lee Scoresby X Autistic!Reader)

Content Warnings: very mild bad language, anxiety references, sensory overload, implied/referenced ableist harassment in your past, hurt/comfort, acceptance, HUGGING, WAFFs galore, Lee generally being precious

A/N: This is a really self-indulgent little thing that I thought about at 1AM once and just had to put down somewhere. After roughly 8 nights of work, it's finally done in time for the HDM season finale! Both you and your dæmon (which was visualised as a disk-winged bat, but it’s ambiguous enough to be any terrestrial animal) are gender-neutral and referred to with they/them pronouns.

Without further ado, here it is under the cut! Enjoy!

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A sunset’s glow always looked stunning from the comfort of the balloon. The ceaseless breeze in your face finally died down as the balloon began to make her descent towards the ground below. While you weren't 100% sure what was happening, you sussed that your partner, Lee, had arranged to meet his potential contractors in the next town due west. It was an area that had a reputation for not being the safest of places to live, and for good reason; thievery ran amok. 

And it was pure bad timing that meant that the only place you two could think to land the balloon was just on the fringe of the town's market district.

Before Lee set off to (hopefully) get something sorted as to the pay and terms, he left you in charge of keeping the balloon and her contents safe. He reminded you of where the valuables where and to keep as low a profile as possible.

“Stay here, alright?” He said as he disembarked onto the faded cobblestone below. He took one last glance at your weapons store. “And if you get into trouble, you know what to do.”

You nodded in affirmation. You hoped that your little visit wouldn't end in a fight, but conceded that it was better to be over-prepared than caught out.

“Good luck, Lee!” you called as he strode away, Hester following close behind. “Don't do anything stupid!” Terrible advice knowing him, you thought. Your dæmon, [D/N], waved goodbye to them as best they could.

But as soon as the two left your field of vision, something sounded off. Well, everything, really. At first your ears were drawn unwillingly to a conversation that tried to be hushed, and failed. After that, it was as if you could hear an uncensored compendium of life in this place. Drunks with their speech slurred. The hubbub of vendors trying to get their wares sold. Raised voices fighting over nothing. Every word you picked up was physically painful for you, and you couldn't even process them all. Still the mental pressure continued to build.

Then, to add insult to injury, you heard from within your basket fence a grating tick that lasted all but a second from an instrument you didn't care to identify; the only thing that mattered in the moment was that it broke your last atom of resilience and forced you downwards with a wail, hands clasped futilely around your ears. Your dæmon trembled as you fell, drawing back a cloth wall and agitatedly scouring the area for someone or something to ease your anguish. You couldn't tell how much time passed before you heard someone humming...

As Lee was trying not to brood his way back to the balloon after an unsuccessful confrontation, he expected to either find the balloon and her guardian exactly as he left them, or to hear you running up to him to tell him that something had gone horribly wrong. What he didn't expect to come back to was hearing you screaming and crying from within the basket. Lee's blood ran freezing. Fearing the worst, his eyes immediately darted to the one wall of the balloon not covered by cloth. It must've been how your assailant got in. He dashed towards the basket, one hand hovering over the holster where his pistol resided...

Only to find that there was no need to use it.

No sign of a fight, none of the cuts and bruises that he feared, but there was still the matter of you curling in on yourself, quivering and whimpering like an abandoned kitten. The sight of you reduced to such a mess capsized his already sinking heart.

“You've got to be kidding me…” he muttered, wasting no time in intervening. Your dæmon looked a little lost before they spotted him climbing through the opening (he didn't think it fair to ask you or your dæmon to lower the ramp) and gently approaching you. They protested with quiet “No!”s as Lee tentatively placed a hand on your shoulder, only for you to jerk your entire body away.

“Do NOT touch me!” you practically hissed, recoiling once again as Hester landed aboard and narrowly missed your legs. Lee leaned down so that he was at eye level with you.

“[Y/N], listen,” he said, trying to stay cool-headed for your sake, "It's Lee. Look at me and take deep breaths!"

You responded by turning away and continuing to sob. Lee cursed under his breath; you'd had panic attacks before but you'd never been this bad and, so far, you weren't responding well to his attempts to calm you down…

“You're better off giving them some space,” said your dæmon, giving Lee their species' equivalent of a glare. Their voice was more hushed than usual, with a pained quality to it. “This isn't a panic attack, if that's what you think. What you're seeing is a meltdown caused by a sensory overload. It will pass in a short while, so [Y/N] would rather you didn't speak to them until they've calmed down.”

Eventually, your ragged breathing steadied and the tears slowed down enough for you to make out your partner stood opposite you. The moment your eyes locked with his, Lee took a step backwards, perhaps concerned that it would set you off again. All you could do was shake your head when you realised the state you had gotten yourself into.

“I'm so sorry about this,” you began. “[D/N] probably said what was happening to me, but I feel I need to explain exactly what caused it. There's something neither of us have told you.” As you spoke, you grabbed the balloon's ledge and used it to help yourself, slowly but surely, back upright. Not necessarily onto your feet, though, since your legs were shaking too much for you to stand. “This might sound silly but, sometimes, I can hear conversations from far away. I can't filter them out and it all just gets louder and louder… It makes me feel sick. So, all the rabble from further into town was becoming too much for me. Then I heard an instrument on the balloon going off or something, and that was…” You took a deep breath in and out. “That was what caused me to get like this.”

“Look, [Y/N],” said Lee, deciding to give you and your dæmon a little more space, “You've clearly been through a lot since we left. But if you want to tell me something, just tell me. I swear on my life, and on Hester's life, that we won't judge you for it.” He spoke to you softly, a sign that he understood the nature of your ordeal. That little change reassured you that telling him was for the best, even if it was in distressing circumstances.

“Alright. I didn't really want you to find out like this, but…” You swallowed hard. No going back now. 

“I'm on the autism spectrum.”

There was a long silence. Lee stayed put and didn't turn away in disgust, instead kneeling down to face you again. It was a good start, but still your gaze refused to meet with his. Instead, you stared at the roof of the balloon as you continued.

“You probably have loads of questions. I don't know if I can answer them all, or if [D/N] can help me, but I-”

“Why didn't you mention it before?” It was Hester who spoke that time. Your dæmon looked at you with face that said, ‘Aye, there's the rub.’

“I just thought it would be better to mask it and hope for the best than for you to know and think less of me because of it. Like I was a lesser being. I was made to feel that way countless times growing up, so I didn't want to tell you in case you became just another person who left me to my own devices because of something I can't help.” Before you knew it, the waterworks had turned on once again. You couldn't help but feel a crushing guilt over the way you spoke to Lee when he tried to help.

“I'm sorry for shouting at you. I know I need to do better. And I hope you don't hate me for not saying anything until now.”

You could've sworn you heard Lee's breath hitch at your words. Glimpsing at his face, you noticed his brows knitted in a frown and his lips quivering. Oh God, no. You've said something wrong, he's turned against you, you've scared him away and it's all-

“Hate you?” he said at last, disturbing you from your spiralling thoughts. His voice faltered on that first word, to your shock. “[Y/N], no! How could I hate you? You're not at fault here; something just happened that was hard for you to cope with.”

“That doesn't make how I spoke to you okay!” you replied with a shake of your head.

“I know. But you're acknowledging that, which is more than can be said for some people... To tell you the truth, I probably would've done the same had that been me. But it's fine, we'll move on from this. Still, if there's anything for me to hate right now, it's the way people have been treating you all this time. Who the hell would think it's okay to make someone feel worthless just because of how their mind works?”

“Wait - you mean you don't see me as less, Lee?”

“Of course I don't. And let me tell you why. You're handy with a weapon, we know that, but you have such a strength that goes beyond combat. It helps you to see the good in every person, every situation that comes our way. And not everyone has the strength to love as fiercely as you do. Your resilience and compassion are things I've always admired about you, in all honesty.” 

“He's right, you know,” added Hester, joining your dæmon in front of you. “Lee wishes he was as trusting of others as you. I'm just a tiny bit concerned that it's bordering on jealousy!”

You sniggered at her attempt at lightening the mood. Sensing that you were feeling a little more comfortable now, Lee shuffled over to sit at your left-hand side and, as you looked at the bridge of his nose, you could just about see a wetness threatening to escape his eyes. 

“I'm honoured to share my adventures with you. You're an amazing person, with or without autism. And I love you. I know I'm not always the best at expressing it, but it's true.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, you noticed Lee had placed a hand next to yours as Hester silently egged him on. He smiled faintly.

“You want me to hold you now? If you'd rather I didn't, you can say no.”

“Please do. Honestly, I could use a hug.”

And with that, he leaned in and enveloped his arms around your waist, holding you as if you were made of glass. You returned in earnest, crying into his shoulder - only this time, they were tears of happiness over the fact that this man, the love of your life, accepted and cherished you exactly as you were. Your last traces of doubt disintegrated. In that moment, Lee's touch felt like home. Out of the corner of your eye, you could spot Hester and your dæmon nuzzling each other; if your heart hadn't melted already, such a sight would've softened it completely.

“If you're ever worried about something like this happening again,” said Lee, “Please tell me, okay? And I'll do my best to help you. Like, from now on, if I have to leave you with the balloon, I'll make sure we land somewhere we know will be quiet. That alright with you?”

You decided to answer his question with a nod and a swift peck to his cheek.

“Lee. Thank you for this.”

His eyes narrowed. “Anytime.”

A small part of you was tempted to tackle Lee to the floor and pepper his form with kisses. But given the circumstances of where you two were, that wasn't an option. For now, you were more than perfectly content with the feeling of deep, heartfelt unity between your lips and his.

“You don't know what any of it means to me,” you sighed with a grin, breaking the kiss before tightening your grip around his midriff. “I love you so much…”

“I love you too, [Y/N]. I'm a lucky man.” With a grunt of effort, Lee stood back up (leaving you to wobble forward before catching yourself) and began to inspect the metalwork and various dials. “Now, are we ready to get out of this joint?”

“We're leaving already? But what about the contractors?”

“Yeah, turns out they're jerks, the whole bunch of them. I didn't want them around you before, and I certainly don't after all that, I swear to God. Pay would've been terrible anyways…”

“There's always next time, I guess,” you said to no one in particular.

All that was left now was to start the fire and take to the skies once more, heading for a place where you all hoped you'd be safer. Floating away from the quietening streets, you turned your gaze to the radiant stars above and allowed your thoughts to wander.

You felt, for the first time in your life, safe.

[acathea]

The Ridiculously Detailed Inquisitor Questionnaire that No One Needed

I’m just five years late for this. Taashath edition, impossibly long. @customhawke‘s inquisitor quiz was extremely time consuming to fill out but so fun!

PART ONE: APPEARANCE/PERSONALITY/BASIC FACTS

Give some basics for the Inquisitor:

Name: Taashath Adaar

Age: 32 (By the end of Trespasser, 34.). Born on Drakonis 3rd, 9:9 Dragon.

Race: Qunari

Gender/preferred pronouns: Trans Woman – She/her

Class (warrior/rogue/mage): Warrior

Preferred weapon/spell type: Two-Handed Swords

Specialization: Champion

Romance: Josephine

Give a detailed description of your Inquisitor.

Taashath has coppery, almost metallic-looking skin and bright red eyes surrounded by a black sclera. She has thick, long crimson hair that falls past her waist, which she keeps tied in a simple braid when out on missions. She takes excellent care of it and is very proud of the way it looks. Her eyebrows are dark, thick, and arched, of a red so dark it almost looks black if the sun is not shining on them. Her face is heart-shaped, with high and pronounced cheekbones and deep-set eyes, where subtle crows-feet rest, made more apparent when she smiles. Crowning her head are two large, dark horns that end in an upwards tip, chipped in places from her many fights throughout the years.

Taashath is tall compared to the other races, but stands at a rather short height for a qunari - at 6’9’’ft (205cm). Her body is muscular and toned, shaped from years of fighting and travelling. It’s scarred in numerous places, and it’s why she tends to wear clothing that covers her entire body not to show them.

Does the Inquisitor have any scars/tattoos before the game’s events? If so, tell how they got them/their meaning (for example, what elvhen god does Inquisitor Lavellan’s vallaslin represent, and why did they choose them?)

A horizontal scar crosses the length of the right corner of her mouth to her cheekbone, that she got on a job while still an inexperienced warrior. The debris from the explosion at the Temple of Sacred Ashes also hit her left eyebrow, leaving a nasty mark. Her body is scarred in numerous places due to her life work as a mercenary, notably her arms, and she always makes a point of covering them. Even when it should be too hot for long sleeves.

She wears mostly practical clothing, with little space for frivolousness. Usually in the dark colours of the Inquisition. After the events of the main game, she allows herself some prettier clothing and lighter colour schemes.

OPINIONS. Give your Inquisitor’s stance on:

The Chantry: Taashath dislikes the Chantry and would rather not be called the Herald of their Prophet. She doesn’t have any fond memories regarding priests of the Chantry, but only of the stones they would throw at her and her parents when passing through a village. She is interested in the history of the Chantry. She especially takes time to study it all in her time in Skyhold, but she holds no illusion that most in the Chantry want her dead. She has no issues with the Maker or Andraste, per se, however, even though she doesn’t believe in any kind of higher power.

Tevinter: Taashath has mixed feelings about Tevinter. She knows of the complicated history between the Qunari and the Imperium – but also, she’s Vashoth. Does that really apply to her? Of course, she holds mostly disdain for the way Tevinter controls its people and enslaves everyone they deem inferior. But she’s also intrigued by the culture of knowledge-seeking, were it not corrupted by lust for power.

Ferelden: It’s… brown. And cold. And it rains a lot. Taashath is more used to the warmth of the north, the brightness of it, but she falls in love with the culture and the people. Would she live in Ferelden? Absolutely not. But she doesn’t hate it.

Orlais: Orlais is… a very sore spot for her. For a chunk of her young adulthood, Taashath worked towards being admitted into the University of Orlais, her biggest dream. She wanted to study history and languages and geography. She wanted to walk in the University’s library and devote her life to knowledge. They laughed in her face, refused her entrance and kicked her out. Her experiences in Orlais after that were riddled with anxiety. When she visited the Winter Palace, however, she enjoyed beating the orlesian nobles that looked down on her at their own Game. She doesn’t like orlesians much, except a select few, and visiting the country is always the last thing she’s looking forward to.

Mages/Magic: Magic has always served Taashath well, and she sometimes envies those she encounters who have the gift. She is a big supporter of the mages’ freedom, although she agrees that they need a place where to study their magic – one where they’re not prisoners, maybe. But she’s not a fool, and she knows it can be dangerous – just like the weapons she carries.

Templars: While they never bothered her personally, Taashath is acutely aware of the abuses the Templars perpetuate and how power-hungry they can be, as she heard of the events of Kirkwall. She thinks their abilities may be of some use. Still, their affiliation with the Chantry and their methods don’t align with her moral principles. She would only ally with them if it was the only thing she could do. There must be some other way to protect people from demons other than Templars.

The Mage/Templar War: She believes it was inevitable. Wherever she went in Southern Thedas, she would always hear of the abuses of the Templars – either from apostates who wanted to join the Valo-Kas, or from the people they encountered. When the Chantry in Kirkwall exploded, she was surprised it didn’t have major consequences in all of Thedas sooner, taking another three years for the rebellion to fully take place. She supports the mages’ freedom.

The Dalish and City Elves: She is fascinated by the ways of the Dalish and would trade everything of value she has for the chance of learning more of their history and culture - and Shaevra is more than happy to share her culture with someone who seems to deeply appreciate it. She fails to make the connection between the nomadic way of the Dalish and the life she was living travelling with her parents. In regards to the city elves, she never knew much about them. It was only after becoming Inquisitor that she learned more of them from the servants in Skyhold. Then she sees first hand their living conditions in Orlais, and she feels much pity for them – although she admires their strength and sense of community.

Dwarves: Taashath hasn’t had much chance of seeing how the dwarves live in their thaigs, although she’s very curious about it – again, only after becoming Inquisitor does she have an opportunity to experience more of their culture. She’s more used to dealing with the Merchants’ Guild and surface dwarves. While she doesn’t have a particular liking for them, she also has no issues with them – unless they call her an ox-woman, which has unfortunately happened on more than one occasion.

Qunari/Tal-Vashoth (do they even know the difference?):  It’s… complicated. She’s qunari herself, although she is Vashoth. For followers of the Qun, she is nothing – like she doesn’t exist. For non-qunari, she is just like them, so she’s seen as a violent savage before a person. The only other example of qunari outside of the Qun are Tal-Vashoth like her parents, which she ran from because she believed she’d be better off without them. The others are either the Tal-Vashoth she is hired to kill, or the ones she works with, with whom she doesn’t feel any real connection to. It’s because of her feeling like she doesn’t have a culture of her own that Taashath is so interested in those of others. She feels like a fish out of water and is both interested in the ways of the followers of the Qun and wary of them. As I said, it’s complicated, and the only subject that genuinely makes her head hurt when she thinks about it.  

Humans: In her youth, Taashath used to idolize humans. She wanted to be like them, to be one of them – mostly because she only wished to have a roof over her head and not be thrown out of villages having sticks and stones thrown at them. She used to think that they must have been right about her parents, that they were savages and if only they allowed her in, they would see she was not like them. Now it’s different. Taashath has been hurt too many times by humans. She is wary and distrustful of them – the reason why she was convinced she wouldn’t have survived the events of the Conclave is that she was a qunari amidst angry humans. Of course, she can be swayed to think differently of some humans, but she treads very carefully when dealing with them. She likes the Avvar, though, and enjoys her time in the Frostbacks because of them.

What is their favourite place to travel to?

The Hissing Wastes. She loves the vastness of it, the climate, she loves the oasis. It’s also where she tames her wyvern mount, so it holds a special place in her heart.

Their least favourite?

Val Royeaux/the Winter Palace. It makes her feel anxious – she always has to watch her step and her mouth, always has to make sure she appears perfect in every way. It makes it hard to enjoy the architecture and pretty colours.

Honourable mention: the Fallow Mire. She hated being there, hated the climate, hated the mud and the water and the rain and everything that was there. She was glad to be out of that wretched place.

Describe what your Inquisitor is like before the game’s events–preferably, choose three words that describe best. Then explain why those adjectives are appropriate descriptors.

Quiet – During her travels, Taashath learned what misunderstood words might bring her in human society, and afterwards, it just stuck. She rarely spoke unless spoken to, and she much preferred entrusting her thoughts and musings to diaries and poetry rather than spoken words.

Apathetic – Or at least, on the surface. Taashath forces herself to appear unbothered and undisturbed by anything because, as usual, people will assume the worst when she expresses any kind of positive or negative emotions. This actually drives people away from her, which is… not what she’s aiming for when she does that. This also results in her basically shutting down her emotional side - which is ironically exactly what people expect of a qunari. It’s hard for her to trust people, to let herself go and be who she is – something that she only allows herself in private - and in turn, this created a sort of shell around her that, at some point, became more of prison than a protective measure.  

Level-headed – Taashath takes a lot of time to think things over. What she says, what she does is always the result of careful calculation and pondering. Not just in dealing with people, but with situations that come about as well. This makes her an excellent leader because she – usually – does not let emotions speak for her. There are a few exceptions, though.              

Does your Inquisitor change over the course of the game’s events? If so, how? What events affected their character arc the most?

It’s a mixed bag of feelings. Taashath learns to voice her feelings, her opinions, not to filter herself as much as she was used to and learns how to make friends. But after the events of the main game, the weight of being Inquisitor starts being too much. Every decision she makes leads to major consequences for the people involved - and even those who weren’t! - and they’re not always predictable. Each failure weighs on her even more. Sometimes, she feels herself becoming paralyzed by fear and doubt, and it’s only through the connections she’s made over the years in the Inquisition that she doesn’t break.

Being a lover of history and knowledge, seeing what happened to Ameridan shocked her quite a bit. Not only does she now doubt everything she’s ever read, but she’s also afraid that – with time – the Chantry will do the same to her. That they will erase her from history, make her a human, and rid the records of there ever being an Inquisitor named Taashath Adaar, of the qunari peoples. It’s disturbing, and she feels much pity for Ameridan and what was done to him. The events of the Descent also shake her, but mostly because she realizes there is so much more to Thedas than she realized. She wonders what other things there are still to discover or uncover.

The events of Trespasser truly break her. She fears and dislikes what the Inquisition is becoming, and she feels that everything is slipping out of her control. Even her advisors start making decisions without her, taking actions she wouldn’t have approved of. She thinks that finally, the charade is over and that she will be revealed for the fraud she is. She is glad, in the end, to disband the Inquisition. It was getting too big, too frightening, and something she was not proud of. She feels like a failure, honestly. Losing her arm also does not help, as her fighting style depends on it, and now she cannot even write – the only thing that brought her comfort for so many years. She feels that in some way she’s been stripped of her identity and made into something she doesn’t recognize.  

Solas betraying her was the worst thing. He honestly acted as her mentor, because he was the only one that knew something about the Anchor and how to control it. Taashath feels everything spiralled after he left. When she finds out that not only is he an Ancient Elven God, he is responsible for everything that happened, and what he is about to do will destroy the world, she just really doesn’t know how to cope with it. She is broken for a while. But, like always, she picks herself back up out of sheer willpower. She wants to save her friend, even if it means protecting him from himsef. It’s the only thing giving her purpose, now, the only thing she will not allow herself to fail at.

Use three words to describe your Inquisitor at the end of the game, and explain why they are appropriate. (If there are any that are still the same from the beginning of the game, explain why they are still appropriate DESPITE the game’s events.)

Authoritative – Taashath, through her knowledge of history and nobility, through being a good strategist, learns to use her voice and make herself heard, learns to make decisions and take control of the situation, and to live with the consequences of what she does. She’s also less afraid of not appearing perfect in front of the nobility – she knows who she is, and nothing will change that.

Paranoid/Insecure – She makes decisions. She lives with the consequences. But each day, those decisions and their repercussions weigh more and more on her, with the death count rising, always. She doubts herself, she is afraid she is not suited for the role and that she should pass it down to someone else instead. But she doesn’t do it, because she is also afraid of what someone else might do with the power of the Inquisition. In the end, it was never its fate to last, and she knew that.  

Dedicated – Despite her doubts, her fears, Taashath simply cannot give up. She will do anything it takes to find Solas, to make him see that this world is worth keeping, and to save him from himself – and the people of Thedas from him. It’s her only goal, and she puts everything she has in herself towards it. She will act, even if it means more decisions, and more weight on her shoulders. She can take it.

Life Before the Conclave

What is their combat skill level before the events of the game? Are they already skilled fighters, or can they barely hold their weapon of choice properly?

Taashath’s father was a Karasten, well trained in the way of fighting. He always believed that his daughter should be able to protect herself, given their nomadic lifestyle, and trained her with sticks first and real swords later from a very young age. She is quick and agile, nimble for someone of her stature and the weapons she wields. She’s an excellent fighter, despite it being something that she does only to defend herself and not because she actually enjoys it.  

How well do they improve after becoming the Herald/Inquisitor?

With The Iron Bull’s help, Taashaths learns quite a few tricks. Not just that, but he teaches her how to make training something to actually relax with, something she can do to wind down and keep her body and mind sharp. She does indeed come to enjoy sparring with him, Cassandra and Blackwall (as the other soldiers will not fight her). Losing her arm, her fighting hand, is absolutely the worst. If all else fails, now she cannot even fight. Of course, after Dagna makes her a very flexible prosthetic, she starts training again – as if she had never held a weapon before. She’s not at the level she used to be, but she’s still quite the fighter.

Does the Inquisitor have family they left behind? Friends?

She learns this during her time in the Inquisition, as for a long while she thought they were dead, but her mother and father are still alive and well. Moreover, she’s got a younger sister and brother. Her ex-partner, a Tal-Vashoth mage, also asks for her help in the Emerald Graves and helps the Inquisition as an agent. Taashath’s mother, Asala, was a Tamassran under the Qun. She taught Taashath everything she knows and, when she came out to them as a child, Asala wasted no time in making Taashath comfortable and teaching her about herb mixtures to help her growth. Taashath’s father, Berestaar, was a Karasten. He often had more trouble than Asala in expressing his feelings and emotions, and could appear like a distant father, but he always loved and cared for her daughter and wanted nothing but the best for them.

Hissera is Taashath’s younger sister, a little spitfire that causes trouble wherever she goes.

Finally, Kost is Hissera’s twin. He’s not as restless as she is, and is also a mage.

Hissra was Taashath’s first love, and they lost each other for a couple years before the events of Inquisition. After Taash helps her personally in the Emerald Graves, Hissra joins the Inquisition as an Agent until its disbandment out of loyalty and gratitude to Taashath.

How do they feel about being separated from them?

It’s very complicated. When she was young, Taashath resented having to always be on the run. She hated that they had nowhere to stay, she hated the way people looked at her parents – her. She hated that they did not speak the King’s Tongue well, she hated that they didn’t seem to make an effort to at least appear less threatening. When she was fifteen, before her mother found out she was pregnant again, she ran away and never looked back. She felt that, on her own, she had more chances of being able to build a life for herself in human society – and she was wrong. By the time of Inquisition, she is very ashamed of what she did, the words she said to them, and wishes she could take it all back. She fears they might be dead. She reveals this to Josephine one evening, who in turn informs Leliana and asks her to look into it as a personal favour. They reach Skyhold, and it’s a very emotional reunion. Now she knows she won’t let go of them ever, and bought a house for them to stay in Antiva, near where she and Josephine live.

What is the most important/influential moment of their life before the Conclave?

There are a couple, at least. Running away from her parents was one such moment. Her breakup with Hissra was another. But most definitely her most defining moment was when she got turned away from the University of Orlais. Even after all those years on the road, and having to work as a mercenary to gather the coin because no one would hire qunari for anything else, she still hoped she could make it. She was genuinely convinced that if she argued her points well, they would admit her. After all, the University was the only place elves were allowed to study in, so how far of a stretch could it have been to allow a qunari in as well? It was the moment she gave up on her dream, forever, and resigned herself to a life of mercenary work just to get by.

Why were they sent to the Conclave?

It was just another job with the Valo-Kas. Go there and look threatening, make sure no one started anything. She knew the importance of the Conclave and was interested in seeing its outcome. Still, she knew nothing would personally change in her life. Or at least, she thought so.  

PART TWO: MAIN PLOT REACTIONS/CHOICES

THE WRATH OF HEAVEN/THE THREAT REMAINS

How does the Inquisitor react to the Anchor and the idea of closing the Breach–do they want to do the right thing, are they only along because they are a prisoner, or something else?

Taashath is thoroughly freaked out the entirety of the prologue, even if she tries hard not to show it. She knows she didn’t do anything, but she can’t remember what happened. She’s surrounded by angry humans who blame her for the death of their religious head figure, and she knows how much humans hate and fear qunari. She wants to do the right thing and accepts anyway, but she honestly thinks that she won’t survive the ordeal – Anchor or no.  

Do they take the mountain pass with the scouts to the Temple, or do they charge with the soldiers?

The mountain pass was without a doubt the safest and smartest choice – charging aimlessly to fight a force she does not yet know is not her style at all.

How does the Inquisitor react to being called the Herald of Andraste?

She doesn't like it, and asks everyone not to call her that. Not only because she does not believe she’s the chosen of Andraste or the Maker, but because she’s afraid of what will happen when other people realize she’s neither of those things.

Do they believe it themselves?

Absolutely not. Taashath is an atheist, and she believes Andraste was just a very powerful mage who communed with a spirit. She holds no illusions of being the chosen of any God.

How does the Inquisitor react to Chancellor Roderick’s presence and the threat of the Chantry?

Taashath does not like him, and definitely does not like the way he calls for her beheading every two seconds – but he’s nothing new. She knows how much power the Chantry and its lackeys hold, so she can only hope that he won’t bother her too much.  

Does the Inquisitor decide to approach the mages or the Templars?

Taashath does not want to be affiliated with the Chantry in any way. However, she’s working for an organization that is technically under its banner. Still, she chooses the mages because she figures they can help more with this magic rather than following Cullen’s conjectures.

IN HUSHED WHISPERS

How does the Inquisitor feel about mages and about recruiting them?

She has a deep respect for magic and mages, and is a supporter of their cause. She goes to the mage without seconds thoughts because she genuinely feels they are the only way to help, and if she can help them in return, she will do anything in her power to do so. When she finds out they basically sold themselves into slavery she’s perplexed as to exactly why they would do that – but she also sees that they thought this was the only way they could escape the Chantry. This just further convinces her that she wants to help them and their cause.

How does the Inquisitor react to the idea of allying with Tevinter to gain the mages’ support?

Very practically. She is not allying herself with Tevinter, she is helping the mages and making sure they are not going to be slaves in a foreign land.

How do they react to being thrown a year into the future? Do they believe they can get back? Are they focused on their goal, gathering information? Or are they just freaking out?

Taashath, as usual, is very calm on the surface. She is very freaked out about the whole situation and what she sees, but she’s also very fascinated by how this was achieved. Having Dorian with her also helps, as even if she initially did not trust him, he quickly proves to be a valuable ally. Shared trauma is the quickest way to make friends, apparently. What really disturbs her is seeing how her companions have suffered, and seeing them die for her does a number on her. Her top priority after that becomes making sure there are the least number of casualties possible.

Did they ally with the mages or conscript them? Why?

She allies with them. She’s not about to force people to help her, and she doesn’t want the mages to go from one prison to another. She figures that the only way the Inquisition will survive is if it makes allies rather than enemies, as it already has quite a few of those, and conscripting people is not the best way to make lasting friendships.

What is the Inquisitor’s relationship with Fiona?

She is confused at first by Fiona’s reasoning, but she does not blame her more than what she feels is her right because Taashath is neither a mage nor an elf – there is clearly nuance there that she is lacking the life experiences to fully get. However, as they spend more time together in service of the Inquisition, she becomes fascinated with her stories and her life, and often comes to her for counsel.

IN YOUR HEART SHALL BURN

Does the Inquisitor help Harriet and save all possible citizens of Haven? Why?

Of course! She saved everyone, and was willing to die herself to see the innocent people of Haven survive. Even if she did not like some of them, they had all given themselves to a cause and she is a firm believer that even the most “insignificant” of people has value. Everyone deserves to live, and she makes sure everyone makes it to the Chantry safe and sound.

How does the Inquisitor feel about being a distraction for Corypheus while Haven flees? Are they resigned to their fate? Resentful? Determined to defeat the enemy/survive?

In a way, she figured she would not survive Haven. She is afraid, and while she feels like shaking in fear, she knows she cannot show any weakness at this moment. She is resigned to her fate, and she only hopes the Inquisition will be able to defeat Corypheus. They have Cassandra to lead them, after all. She has closed the Breach, her duty is done, and although she is not ready, she wants to give everyone a chance.  

Does the encounter with Corypheus change their opinion of being Herald? Does it make them believe they are the Herald, lose faith, or affirm to their previous belief?

Nah, it doesn’t. It just makes her believe that she has to stop him at all costs - although she’s fascinated by what he said about the Black City.

How do they react to Solas telling them the orb is elvhen?

She’s so fascinated, and asks tons of questions. She wants to know more about it. She agrees nobody else should know the orb is elven in origin because she fears the reaction of the humans in the organization, and what it might mean for the elves working for it. 

How do they feel about being chosen for Inquisitor?

It’s the first time in the game she actually shows some emotion – mostly, bewilderment. She can’t believe a bunch of humans are making them her leader, and she doubts anyone will follow her. She thinks someone like Cassandra is more suited to leading the Inquisition, and gets a bit teary-eyed when she sees the outpouring love and support the people she helped save show her. She enjoys it - initially.

What do they say are the principle foundations for the Inquisition?

Uncovering the truth, protecting the people, defending the freedom of the people of Thedas – of all its people, not just humans.

FROM THE ASHES

How does the Inquisitor react to Hawke’s presence?

Taashath has read the Tale of the Champion quite a few times, and is fascinated by meeting the Champion herself. She asks lots of questions, and she is surprised to see how mellow and quiet Hawke seems to be – so different from what Varric had written in his book.

Does the Inquisitor side with Varric or Cassandra during their fight?

Varric. He is not responsible for what happened at the Conclave, and she does not fault him for not trusting Cassandra.

How well do they get along with Hawke? Do they agree with Hawke’s decisions?

They get along pretty well. They find much in terms of common ground and Taashath values Marian’s help a lot. Taashath doesn’t know what she would have done in Hawke’s place, so she does not judge her. Marian has had many dealings with qunari of all backgrounds, so seeing Taashath does not really phase her.

HERE LIES THE ABYSS

Who is the Warden contact?

In-game? Stroud. In my personal canon? My own Hero of Ferelden. After getting news from Varric of who is responsible for the Breach, Marian contacts Anthra for help, and Anthra interrupts her search for a cure (close to bearing fruit) because she believes Corypheus is the Wardens’ responsibility. Her wife Everelle follows in tow, and they’re joined by their daughter Fen’na shortly afterwards.

How does the Inquisitor get along with them?

With Stroud, she doesn’t form much of an opinion. He keeps to himself and gives her directions and information, and so she does the same. With Anthra, she is very fascinated by her and asks her tons of questions. She’s read the Chronicles of the Fifth Blight a thousand times already, but she doesn’t pass any chances to inquire about something with the Hero of Ferelden herself. She respects her, admires her, and admires her prowess in combat.

How do they react to finding out the Wardens are being used by Corypheus?

It went against everything she knew about the Wardens. Honourable warriors dedicated to defeating the darkspawn, allying themselves with a powerful one? She did not understand, and was pretty shaken after discovering it.  

How does the Inquisitor react to being in the Fade?

Extremely enthusiastic, despite the circumstances. She takes notes of everything she sees, until it becomes a little too freaky for her liking. She never expected to see the Fade in person.

Do they ever believe the spirit is actually of Divine Justinia?

For a brief moment, yes. And for a second, she started freaking out that if the spirit was truly Divine Justinia, then maybe she was really the Herald and all that other nonsense. She was thoroughly pleased to find out it was all as she believed initially - no higher power to speak of.

How do they react to the revelation regarding the Wardens’ involvement in the Conclave attack?

Disturbed. She had hoped they had no part in what happened at the Conclave, purely out of the respect she feels for the Order, but seeing her memories made it impossible to keep staying in denial.

Do they agree with Hawke or the Warden more?

In-game? Neither. Stroud’s “how dare you judge us” feels like he’s trying to avoid any kind of responsibility, while Marian would never blame what happened on the use of blood magic. In canon? Marian feels pity for how the Wardens were tricked. At the same time, Anthra can’t believe the Order let itself be fooled and forced into slavery by darkspawn. There is nothing to agree with, they all feel it’s a shitty situation.

How do they respond to Hawke’s and the Warden’s fight?

In canon, no fights happen, while in the game, she tries to make Stroud and Hawke realize that fighting while they are held hostage by a Nightmare full of demons is probably not the best decision.

How do they react to learning it was the Divine behind them in the Fade, not Andraste?

She feels relieved that it was not Andraste, sad for the Divine’s death, guilty for failing to help her.

What would the Nightmare Demon have said to rattle the Inquisitor?

“Try as you might, you won’t be able to hide forever. One day, they will all see what you really are. And I will be waiting.”

What is on the Inquisitor’s tombstone (what is their greatest fear)?

“Lost herself.”

Who does the Inquisitor leave behind in the Fade? Why do they choose to do so?

Both in-game and in canon it’s not actually Taashath’s decision, but I’ll explain the canon version: Anthra was ready to give herself for the cause, believing that Corypheus is the Wardens’ responsibility. However, Hawke believes otherwise. She failed to kill Corypheus, so in a way, she feels it’s her fault this all happened. She pushes Taashath and Anthra away with magic and forces them out of the rift before it closes. It’s her responsibility. She will pay the price.

Does the Inquisitor decide to exile the Wardens or have them fight alongside the Inquisition? What is their reasoning behind the decision?

Despite their mistakes, despite the revelation that the Wardens are not as infallible as she thought they were, she is not so stupid as to exile them. Two Old Gods still lie in the Deep Roads waiting to be awakened by the darkspawn, and when that time comes, the Grey Wardens will once again need to save Thedas.

WICKED EYES AND WICKED HEARTS

What is their opinion on attending the ball in the first place? Do they think it’s a waste of time, a necessary duty, or something exciting?

It’s a necessary duty, but one she dreads. She dreads appearing in front of the same nobles and scholars who regularly mock her and call her ox, and she fears she will make a blunder and ruin the Inquisition’s reputation.

Do the companions/advisors believe the Inquisitor will do well at the palace, or is there a fear they’ll be kicked out within five minutes?

Everyone fears the outcome of the evening because they are attempting to stop a murder. But while no one is afraid Taashath will bring shame to the Inquisition, they do have to sit down with her and try to get her to be more warm and friendly - teach her to recognize some of the nobles. Vivienne especially helps in this situation, as she’s familiar with having to appear perfect in front of a group of people ready to eat her alive.

How does the Inquisitor actually fare? Are they the belle of the ball, or do they barely scrape by?

Taashath does incredibly well. It’s like the nobles are at her fingertips, she manoeuvres and manipulates them all. She finds the Game quite delightful, and discovers herself a good player.

Does the Inquisitor gather blackmail information for Leliana? Gather caprice coins and stone halla? Find the Red Jenny caches?

If there was a chance, yes, but she didn’t go out of her way to find stuff that was not directly related to the mission at hand – save the blackmail for Leliana. That was valuable and essential information that would have helped them even after the evening at the palace was over.

Does the Inquisitor fight Grand Duchess Florianne, or expose her?

She exposes her. Taashath fears that a divided Orlais will be worse for the balance of Thedas than Corypheus might be, and she does what she can to make sure there is someone to rule it.

Who does the Inquisitor support for Orlesian rule?

She forces Celene, Gaspard and Briala into a truce. She holds no love either for the Empress nor for Gaspard, and wishes to see Briala and her people thrive. Still, both the Empress and Gaspard have numerous allies and enemies that balance each other out, and her only interest was a united Orlais for what was to come.

She also, not so very subtly, enjoyed the humans having to bow to her demands, for once.

WHAT PRIDE HAD WROUGHT

How does the Inquisitor get along with Morrigan?

She asks her questions, but she is wary. Morrigan seems more interested in the power she can find in the Temple of Mythal rather than stopping Corypheus, and this concerns her. She also sees how her Dalish ambassador and her clash, and she can’t help but take Shaevra’s side.

Does the Inquisitor take the Pilgrim’s Path, or fight their way through?

She follows the Pilgrim’s Path. She takes in as much of the Temple of Mythal as she can, having never had the chance to be so close to Ancient Elven culture. She wants to see everything for herself.

Does the Inquisitor ally with Abelas and the elven sentinels?

Of course. If she could, she would ask them tons of questions, and would love to hear their stories. She is very frustrated that there’s just no time to do that, and she has no wish of fighting them.

Does the Inquisitor weaken Samson’s armour before fighting him?

Yes. Weakening an enemy’s allies is the first thing she takes care of.

Who drinks from the Well of Sorrows? What is the reasoning behind the choice?

In-game, Taashath takes the knowledge of the Well for herself. Ancient history? Culture? There was not a chance she was giving that up. One of the only selfish choices she made during the game, as she knew Morrigan would benefit from it more. In canon? My own Lavellan, Shaevra, drank from the Well, as Taashath would never take that away from her. It’s her people, her culture, and she finds Morrigan’s comments terribly out of place, and a confirmation that she was more interested in the power of the Temple rather than helping fight Corypheus.

THE FINAL PIECE

If the Inquisitor drank from the Well, how do they react to finding out they are now a servant of Flemeth/Mythal?

She regrets it a bit, because she realizes she didn’t think about the consequences - and she always thinks of the consequences. It surprises her to find out Mythal is in a human body, but she’s still fascinated by everything that’s happening.

Shaerva is not bothered by being a servant of one of her gods per se, but again, she is surprised first and angry later that Mythal chose a human vessel. She’s angry with Mythal, because she could have helped them all those years, and she didn’t. She doesn’t know what to make of it.  

DOOM UPON ALL THE WORLD

How does the Inquisitor feel about facing Corypheus for the last time? Do they feel confident? Do they believe they will survive the encounter? How do they cope with the possibility of failure?

Honestly, Taashath believes that this final confrontation will be the last. The Breach, again? Corypheus and his dragon? This has to be it, she thinks. Her biggest regret is not having had enough time for her family, but at least she knows she’s done all she can.

Who becomes the next Divine? Is the Inquisitor in support of the decision?

This is actually the hardest decision Taash had to make - who to support. She, of course, realizes that the Divine being someone who used to work for the Inquisition is extrmely important and valuable. Her heart says Leliana, because of her outspoken support of nonhumans and mages. Vivienne also was a candidate in her mind, and talking with her personal apprentice, Sefridi, she was swayed to her side. It is only after Anthra herself gives her opinion that Taashath finally comes to the decision that Leliana is the best suited to become Divine.

How do they react to Solas’ disappearance?

Confused, sad. She always came to him not just to have stories told, or to have him walk her through the Fade, but also when she had doubts, second thoughts, when it came to the Anchor. They spent a lot of time together, and she deeply respected him. He was very much her mentor. She misses their ritual of greeting the morning on the roofs of Skyhold more than anything.

What does the Inquisitor decide to do after Corypheus is defeated? How do they focus the Inquisition?

There are still rifts out there that need to be closed, and the Inquisition’s work is not done. Corypheus’s mess is not entirely dealt with, so she doesn’t feel like there is any other path for her aside from continuing to lead the Inquisition. She wants them to keep the peace and protect the people of Thedas, though she realizes the organization is getting too big and slipping out of her control. After the events of Trespasser, Taashath dedicates herself to finding and stopping Solas, and try to save him from himself and make him realize this is a world worth preserving.

PART THREE: SIDE QUESTS/WAR TABLE

SIT IN JUDGMENT:

How does the Inquisitor generally judge prisoners?

If there is a way for her to make use of her enemies so that they bolster the Inquisition’s forces, that is what she will do.

What are the specific judgments passed to prisoners in-game?

Gereon Alexius (If Mages Recruited): Execution/Imprisonment/Work With Mages/Made Tranquil/Research Magic

She has him researching magic, especially the time magic he was able to use in Redcliffe.

Florianne’s Remains (If Confronted and not killed): Encloisterment/Recruitment/Farm Work/Exile/Jester

Recruited her. No way she’s wasting that potential.

Magister Livius Erimond: Imprisonment/Execution/Made Tranquil/Remand to Grey Wardens

She sends him to the Grey Wardens, as she is sure they will punish him appropriately.

Ser Ruth: Divine Forgiveness/Humiliation/Imprisonment/Refuse Judgment/Exile with Wardens/Exile to Deep Roads

Refused to judge her.

Captain Thom Rainer: Pardon/Give to Wardens/Servitude

She gives him to the Grey Wardens – she can see he regrets what he’s done and willing to make amends, so she sends him where he was initially supposed to go anyway.

Samson (If Mages Recruited): Serve Inquisition/Give to Dagna/Remand to Kirkwall/Exile/Imprisonment

He serves the Inquisition.

Chief Movran the Under: Banish/Public Display/Arm and Exile to Tevinter/Assign to Abernache

Arms and exiles him to Tevinter.

Mayor Gregory Dedrick: Give to Grey Wardens/Exile/Death/Imprison in Fereldan

She has Ferelden authorities deal with him, as even though the crimes pertain to the Blight, she still feels it’s not her place to make that call.

Crassius Servis: Imprisonment/Returned to Corypheus/Recruited (Informant)/Recruited (Smuggler)

Recruits him as an informant.

Mistress Poulin: Rebuild Town/Released/Put to Work/Execution/Money Confiscated for Trevelyan

She had Poulin use her own funds to rebuild the town.

WAR TABLE

Does your Inquisitor generally use Force, Secrets, or Connections to complete War Table Operations? Why?

She rarely, if ever, uses Cullen’s forces. Only when it comes to something military-related does she call on him, otherwise all the work goes to Leliana and Josephine’s agents.

What does the Inquisitor usually spend Inquisition Perks on?

Secrets. Taashath knows that, to use the Inquisition to its fullest potential, she has to know everyone and everything about Thedas.

FETCH/GATHERING QUESTS

Does the Inquisitor take time to collect the shards? Do they complete the Temple of Pride? Why or why not?

It’s secret knowledge – of course she’s not letting that slip out of her hands. She is, however, horrified to find out how the oculara are created.

Does the Inquisitor complete the Astrariums? Why or why not?

She loved testing her knowledge of the stars and enjoyed completing the puzzles – always refusing any help.

Does the Inquisitor take time to complete side quests/recruit agents? Why or why not?

Unless she was on a mission that required to make haste, Taashath always takes the time to help people in need and spread the word of the good work the Inquisition does. As for agents, she recruits as much as she can, and never turns down help or a chance to gain more influence.

PART FOUR: RELATIONSHIPS/COMPANION QUESTS

GENERAL

Who does the Inquisitor prefer to have in their party? Why?

Cole, Solas and Dorian/Vivienne. They take turns. Cole is a spirit in a very unique predicament, Solas knows much about magic and the Fade, and Dorian is her bestie. She also really loves Vivienne’s company.

Which advisor is the Inquisitor closest to, if any?

Josephine. She helps Taashath a great deal adjusting in Haven and then in Skyhold, and she feels really drawn to her. She also really loves hearing about her time in Antiva and Orlais, but she comes to Leliana when she has doubts about what she’s doing or the Inquisition itself.

Who does the Inquisitor most often turn to for advice?

Solas, mostly. They have this ritual where they will greet the morning, relaxing their bodies, stretching them, it helps her relax a lot and start the morning with a clear mindset. She also finds venting to Dorian very helpful, and the two grow very close.

Who is the one the Inquisitor hangs out with the most in their free time?

Dorian, absolutely. They’re both bookworms and spend their time talking about what new things they’re studying, their favourite scholars and the like. He tries to get her to loosen up a bit, and although met with some initial resistance, the two grow very fond of each other.

Who would be the one the Inquisitor tells their deepest, darkest secrets to?

Cole already knows them all, and she knows it. Her deepest and darkest secrets? Leliana, the only one who will treasure them carefully.

Are there any companions the Inquisitor wishes they were closer to? If so, which ones?

Sera. Taashath feels that winding down with Sera is the best time she has in the Inquisition, but her duties always make it so she can spend little time with her, and she wishes she could be more like the elf - wild and carefree. However, after some time, they find solace in each other and help each other deal with their issues regarding their own heritages.

LELIANA

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Leliana?

She’s the voice of reason compared to Cassandra, and she trusts her from the beginning, purely because she’s level-headed despite what is happening.

Does the impression change over time? If yes, how so? If not, why?

Taashath always trusts Leliana and considers her a powerful and valuable ally. However, during the events of Trespasser she grows frustrated with the liberties Leliana takes, and her failures as well.

What does Leliana think of the Inquisitor? Does this change?

Leliana sees Taashath as a wonderful woman. Knowledgeable, well versed in the fighting arts and a diplomat to heart. Honestly, Leliana couldn’t have wished for a better Inquisitor.

Does the Inquisitor help Leliana find the Divine’s last message for her in Val Royeaux?

Of course she does. Having her advisors be at peace and entirely focused on her work is a top priority.

If so, do they “soften” Leliana or confirm her “hardened” nature?

Leliana doesn’t need Taashath to tell her who she is. She only tries to remind her that there can be space for a gentle heart even when making the toughest decisions.

Does the Inquisitor support the idea of Leliana being Divine?

She swings back and forth between her and Vivienne until she finally decides to support her. The Chantry needs radical change, and Leliana will bring just that. She loves how outspoken she is in favor of non-humans and mages, and she knows she will be a friend of the Inquisition. It’s an all around win for everyone, she believes.

CULLEN

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Cullen?

He’s angry, he’s got a sword, he’s giving her the stink eye. She doesn’t like him.

Does this impression change over time? If yes, how so? If not, why?

Not really. She’s apathetic towards him at best, or wishes they could find a better replacement for him, but the soldiers seem to like him, and she only wants the Inquisition to be united.

What does Cullen think of the Inquisitor? Does this change?

Cullen knows full well the Inquisitor doesn’t even think him necessary to the operations, and he tries to make her see things differently. When she challenges him on his views and his methods, he realizes he only buried his bigoted views under the false pretence of having “gotten over it”.  

Does the Inquisitor play the chess game with Cullen? Do they let him win, play fair, or cheat?

She doesn’t really like spending time with Cullen outside of work, so no.

Does the Inquisitor convince Cullen to stay off lyrium, or tell him to start taking it again?

She’s not gonna have him keep taking lyrium – it’s going to lead to madness eventually, and she urges him to push through it despite the pain. Genuinely, it’s when she feels sympathy for him. What he goes through cannot be easy, and even though she doesn’t like him and him being free of lyrium addiction would help the Inquisition, it’s mostly for his own good that she pushes him to power through it.

Does the Inquisitor assist Cullen in finding Samson’s base?

Yes. She is disgusted by him calling Maddox “Samson’s Tranquil” like he is some sort of pet, but in the end the only thing she cares about is weakening Corypheus’s allies.

JOSEPHINE

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Josephine?

Taashath thinks Josephine is lovely, and appreciates her efforts to make her feel comfortable. In her opinion, Josie is also a very beautiful, striking woman.

Does this impression change over time? If yes, how so? If not, why?

She thinks Josephine is, along with Leliana, the most important asset to the Inquisition. Her knowledge and network of contacts is vital and she cherishes having such a prepared and professional woman by her side.

What does Josephine think of the Inquisitor? Does this change?

Josephine is initially nervous about Taashath’s apparent stoic nature, but eventually learns to recognize the subtle tells of the qunari’s feelings, learns to read them, and becomes her confidante. She greatly appreciates Taashath’s interest in politics and eagerness to help.  

Does the Inquisitor initiate a romance with Josephine?

Yes. To be honest, in the beginning, Taashath went to her to vent and relax. She would compliment her constantly in what could be considered flirtatious comments, but to her she was only admiring the woman she was speaking to. It didn’t even occur to her that she was developing feelings for Josephine, as she would never assume Josephine would waste her time with her, and it is only when Leliana gives her “the talk” that she’s forced to think about her feelings and realizes just how much she cares for her.

What is it like? Why are they attracted to each other?

Taashath is interested in Josephine’s work and stories, and she enjoys her quiet company. Josephine appreciates Taashath’s work ethics and driven mind. It’s all professional at first… until it isn’t.

Does the Inquisitor find Josephine an example of her old family crest?

Yes. Taashath takes any chance she has to make Josephine happy, and spends a great deal of time finding that antiquity – she loves collecting old wine bottles as well, and thus she knows where and who to look for when it comes to trinket-hunters.

Does the Inquisitor duel Lord Otranto for Josephine’s affections? Do they confess their love to Josephine when she intervenes, or allow Otranto to marry Josephine?

Initially, she wasn’t going to. If Josephine said they were done, Taashath was not going to force anything on her. However, this caused her a great deal of suffering. She was a mess, and this to her was just reaffirmation that no one would ever love her the way she loved them. She got blind drunk and collapsed on the sofa in her chambers. Ironically, it was Hissra – her previous partner – who found her in that condition and made her realize she had to fight for Josephine. Her yelling “because I love you!” in the middle of the square was probably the most emotional she’s been, and has allowed herself to be, in quite a bit. She poured her heart out for Josephine in that moment, and to have her love reciprocated was… more than she could have ever hoped for.

They get married sometime before Trespasser.

Does the Inquisitor talk to Josephine about her work to help her relieve stress?

Yes. They go on and on about it, and Taashath tries to give helpful advice, or just offer an understanding ear.

Do they enjoy it? Does it continue to occur?

Oh, yes. It becomes a regular occurrence, so much so that Josephine is always ready with wine and appetizers for Taashath’s visit. Yes, those are dates. No, they don’t realize it for quite a while. Everybody else knows but them.

Does the Inquisitor help Josephine reinstate her family’s trade in Orlais?

Of course!

If yes, do they kill the agent from the House of Repose?

No. The agent came to speak, and so did she.

Do they decide to take Josephine’s route of nullifying the contract, or Leliana’s?

Taashath would prefer doing what Leliana suggests because it’s fast and easy, but ultimately chooses to follow Josephine’s route and elevate the Du Paraquettes. Having nobles owe you favours is convenient.

CASSANDRA

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Cassandra?

She is mostly afraid of her, because she understands she’s in a position of power and is very, very angry at her for something she didn’t do. Does not bode well.

Does this impression change over time? If yes, how so? If not, why?

They become good work colleagues after the events of the Temple, and sometimes they share book recommendations and advice. However, Taashath does not like how Cassandra pushes for her to believe in the Maker, and her general lack of tact when it comes to asking about Taashath herself prevents them from becoming fully friends, although there is much respect between the two..

What does Cassandra think of the Inquisitor? Does this change?

Cassandra is surprised by Taashath’s prowess as a strategist and warrior, and is content with her being Inquisitor, although she disagrees with some of her choices.

Does the Inquisitor initiate a romance with Cassandra?

Nah. Taashath likes Cassandra well enough, but she regards her more as a colleague rather than a potential partner.

Does the Inquisitor find out about Cassandra’s “guilty pleasure?” If so, do they convince Varric to make the next chapter of Swords and Shields for her?

Yes. She finds it all amusing, really. She’s read Sword & Shield herself, and finds it very shallow – not to the level of poetry books that she usually reads. However, she sees how much Cassandra likes it, and sees no harm in nudging Varric towards finishing another chapter.

Does the Inquisitor help Cassandra track down hunt down criminals left unchecked by the Seekers’ absence?

Yes. She has Leliana check their backgrounds herself first, but she helps her in the end.

Does the Inquisitor go with Cassandra to Caer Oswin to find the missing Seekers?

Yes. She sees how important it is for Cassandra, and wants her at peace.

If so, does the Inquisitor support Cassandra’s idea to rebuild the Seekers, or do they discourage her from doing so?

Taashath knows what the Seekers mean to Cassandra, and she sees she’s horrified by the secrets they kept and wants to do better by them- Plus, she believes Cassandra is the perfect fit to guide them, so she lets her go. Her hope is that the Seekers of Truth will now be worthy of their name.

Does the Inquisitor support the idea of Cassandra being Divine?

Nah. Cassandra is not suited to deal with nobles, or politics. She is a firm believer, sure, but that alone is not enough. She would keep the peace at the cost of people’s lives – as much as Taashath’s respects her, she does not trust her with the Sunburst Throne.

VARRIC

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Varric?

She doesn’t ever really know how to respond to his jokes, but he’s an accomplished writer and a good person at heart, and she sees that. For her, it’s good enough.

Does this impression change over time? If yes, how so? If not, why?

Varric’s charisma gets to her, too, and she often drinks with him. They share stories and writing tips, and after Taashath has him read some of her own writing, he tries to hook her up with someone who might publish her poems under a pen name, successfully. Sometimes, occasionally, she vents to him, but she deals with things that are so far beyond a normal person’s understanding that he rarely knows what to say, so she tries not to make him uncomfortable. Like Dorian, he tries to get her to loosen up, but it’s actually because of their shared passion of writing that they grow fond of each other and become good friends.

What does Varric think of the Inquisitor? Does this change?

Varric’s dealings with the qunari in the past have left him wary of the people, but he also sees Taashath is genuinely trying to do what’s best. He only hopes things will turn out better than they did with Hawke, but Taashath seems better suited to deal with the situations thrown at her than Marian was.

If Varric could give the Inquisitor a nickname, what would it be?

Red. Her red eyes are the first thing he noticed about her, not to mention her red hair and coppery skin, and how she dresses. Red, to describe her, is the first thing that comes to mind.

Does the Inquisitor find and destroy the Red Lyrium sources across Thedas after learning about them from Varric?

Absolutely. It’s vital to her in destroying Corypheus, not doing so would be irresponsible.

Does the Inquisitor help Varric and Bianca find the thaig inside Valammar?

Yes.

Does the Inquisitor blame Bianca for what happened?

Yes. She loves learning more, and knowing more, and figuring out stuff. But lying? Putting people in danger? Refusing to take responsibility? That does not sit right with her.

SOLAS

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Solas?

She's' very uncomfortable with him grabbing her and yanking her arm, but she quickly comes to trust him - especially once she finds out he kept her alive while she was unconscious, and thanks him for his help.

Does this impression change over time? If yes, how so? If not, why?

She immediately trusts him with her doubts regarding the Anchor, and often comes to him for advice. She loves walking with him through the Fade, she loves listening to his stories, they have their own little ritual in the morning. She considers him her mentor.

What does Solas think of the Inquisitor? Does this change?

He is… surprised. He knows what she really is, where she comes from, what she comes from, and expects her to be nothing but a savage who will not understand the power she holds in her hand. Instead, Taashath reveals herself to be level-headed, reasonable, eager to learn, and interested in everything he has to say. Maybe he misjudged her people.

Does the Inquisitor help Solas find and activate elvhen artefacts to strengthen the Veil?

Yes. It’s part of the Inquisition’s job to deal with the Veil now, only natural that she would.

Does the Inquisitor help Solas rescue his friend in the Exalted Plains?

Of course. She sees how distressed he is, and she only wants to help him.

Does the Inquisitor choose to destroy the summoning stones or fight the Pride Demon?

They’re there to help Solas’s friend, even if the friend has been corrupted. Solas will deal with it when everything is over.

Does the Inquisitor let Solas kill the mages or do they stop him?

She stops him. It was all a mistake, one that was not supposed to happen, she doesn’t want him killing mages who didn’t understand what they were doing. Let them live, and learn from their experience.

How does the Inquisitor react to finding out Solas is Fen’harel?

It’s all a whirlwind of emotions. Some things make sense, others are completely upside down. That she was spending her time with an Ancient Elven God all this time, when she didn't believe in any higher power, shook her to her core.

Does the Inquisitor choose to look for Solas after he disappears? Why or why not?

Of course! She needs to know more, and knows that – deep down – Solas wants to be stopped. And she will.

SERA

Is Sera recruited?

Definitely. A network of spies that uses people no one ever expects to do this kind of work is exactly what Taashath needed.

If she is, does she ever leave the Inquisition, and why?

Absolutely not. Taashath values Sera’s network greatly, and she clearly wants to be with the Inquisition. Why turn down her help, when she gives it freely?

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Sera?

Amused. She doesn’t really know what to make of Sera, but her skill with a bow and her quick-witted nature are a breath of fresh air for her.

Does this impression change over time? If yes, how so? If not, why?

They have a complicated relationship. Taashath sees a lot of herself in Sera, and not in the best sense. The way she looks down upon her own heritage, the way she shuts down when something becomes too overwhelming – it’s like seeing a younger version of herself. Taashath tries to help Sera in coming to terms with her own “elfyness”, and Sera ends up doing the same for her. They help each other like that.

What does Sera think of the Inquisitor? Does this change?

Sera finds Taashath to be a beautiful woman, and she’s captivated by her. Helps her relax and keep her eyes looking towards the little people. Sera is always watchful for the moment Taashath becomes like the nobles she hates - and yet this never happens. Sera and Taashath remain good friends even after the end of the main game. She has her loyalty.

Does the Inquisitor initiate a romance with Sera?

No. Taashath finds Sera to be too young for her.

Does the Inquisitor complete the Red Jenny War Table missions?

Yes. After all, that’s why she recruited Sera in the first place.

Does the Inquisitor agree to send a presence to Verchiel for Sera?

Yes. She trusts and values Sera’s input, despite what others might say.

How does the Inquisitor deal with Lord Harmond? (Do they ally with him, force him to work for the Inquisition, let him leave, or let Sera kill him?)

Normally, Taashath tries to find a way so that her enemies can become her allies. However, after seeing how Harmond treats people, and seeing how distressed Sera was, she allows her to kill him. People like him would bring no good to the Inquisition, anyway.

VIVIENNE

Is Vivienne recruited?

Yes. Taashath is aware of who the Madame de Fer is, and is very intrigued by her invite.

If she is, does she ever leave the Inquisition, and why?

No. Taashath deeply values Vivienne as an ally and friend.

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Vivienne?

She’s… almost enchanted. The way she handled the confrontation with the noble, the way she got straight to business immediately. Everything from the way she was dressed to the way she acted told Taashath this was someone to keep close. Maybe she even flirted a little bit with her, with no hopes of achieving anything, of course. She’s not that deluded.

Does this impression change over time? If yes, how so? If not, why?

Taashath wished Vivienne’s opinions on the Circle were somewhat different, although she still understood where she was coming from. But she comes to respect and regard Vivienne as a dear friend, and often came to her for advice or to vent. Vivienne was always willing to help, and to offer a listening ear. They enjoyed quiet evenings together, discussing politics and drinking fine wine.

What does Vivienne think of the Inquisitor? Does this change?

At first, she saw Taashath as a rather weak leader, because of her demeanor. It does not fool VIvienne that a lot of her perceived stoicness is actually a shield. Then, she came to respect her and what she did, and regard her as a friend and valuable ally. Taashath became someone Vivienne could rely on. Does the Inquisitor help Vivienne look for the three tomes for the Circle of Magi?

Yes. It’s not exactly related to the Inquisition, but she always wishes to keep her closest ally content.

Does the Inquisitor agree to find Vivienne the heart of a Snowy Wyvern?

Yes. It’s the first time Vivienne directly asks for her help in a private matter, and she realizes this must be terribly important. Madame de Fer seems distressed also, and Taashath jumps to her help because she finds it so uncharacteristic of her.

Do they actually give Vivienne the heart, or do they give her the heart of a regular wyvern?

There is no reason to give her a fake heart, no reason not to trust Vivienne. After seeing Vivienne’s soft side, she feels more connected to her and was glad she tried to help, even if ultimately the Duke died.

Does the Inquisitor support Vivienne, the idea of Vivienne being Divine?

Not at first. She resonated more with Leliana’s ideas, and she had a mind of supporting the Left Hand of the Divine. After her personal assistant and apprentice, Sefridi Trevelyan, spoke to her in private, Taashath was more willing to support Vivienne in becoming Divine - especially because she is a mage. However, after more careful consideration and a talk with the Hero of Ferelden, Taashath ultimately chose Leliana.

BLACKWALL

Is Blackwall recruited?

Yes. The help of a Grey Warden when dealing with a darkspawn? Yes, please.

If he is, does he ever leave the Inquisition, and why?

No.

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Blackwall?

She is… honestly disappointed. She expected Grey Wardens to be different. For one, he does not offer much in the way of information, the very thing they recruited him for. Second, he is even reluctant to speak of his life as a Warden. But he seems like a good man and gives himself to the cause, so she values his help, although she’s not really sure he’s the best Grey Warden they could have come across.

Does this impression change over time? If yes, how so? If not, why? She is hurt that he would lie about it all, when he could have simply joined the cause as a normal warrior. She wouldn’t have kicked him out for that. After some thinking, she figures that he is truly seeking atonement, and that he should be allowed to do that. He’s helped her all this time, after all, even if it was under a false name. She’s not one to not repay favours.

What does Blackwall think of the Inquisitor? Does this change?

Surprised that Andraste would choose a qunari. But then he sees that she is a good woman, willing to do what it takes to close the Breach and defeat Corypheus, and vows to do better in regards to his own prejudices.

Does the Inquisitor help Blackwall find Grey Warden information across Thedas?

Yes. The more information they can gather, the better they can understand what’s going on. And it makes Blackwall happy, anyway.

How does the Inquisitor react to finding out Rainier’s true identity?

Very hurt at first. Why would he lie? Why would he not trust her with the truth? And then, angry. What are Leliana’s spies doing? Do they just believe anything they hear reported, not doing background checks? It’s a moment that makes her a bit paranoid, and becomes a little harsher in the way she deals with possible allies.

Do they leave them in Val Royeaux or bring them back to Skyhold for judgment?

She brings him to Skyhold for judgement. He is her soldier, she will deal with him herself. And then, she sees that he truly regrets what he did, and decides after all this is done he will become a real Warden.

DORIAN

Is Dorian recruited?

Yes. Shared trauma through time travel is the quickest way to friendship, as I said.

If he is, does he ever leave the Inquisition, and why?

No. He and Taashath basically become best of friends, always with their noses buried in books, chatting, supporting and confiding in each other. They enjoy their fair share of nights spent talking about life - lots of “I wish I could have” conversations - while enjoying some wine. Always in moderation, of course..

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Dorian?

Distrustful. He’s from Tevinter, and when she meets him she’s dealing with hostile Tevinters. It’s not really the best of introductions, but she’s willing to hear him out.

Does this impression change over time? If yes, how so? If not, why? Yes, absolutely. After what they’ve been through in Redcliffe, they spend much time together. Taashath is quick to trust him after their ordeal and comes to him for questions regarding magic and Tevinter – as she’s never met someone from the place besides her ex-partner, and she has no fond memories of the place. As usual, she compliments him on things, sounds flirtatious because she has kind of a way with words, he flirts back because that’s just entertaining. This goes on for a while, until he comes forward and tells her he’s not interested. It’s… awkward, she tells him she’s not interested either. Wait, you’re gay? Wait, you’re lesbian? They laugh a lot about it, and it sorts of become their way of joking with each other.  She finds his opinions on slavery gross, and tells him of her former partner’s experiences in Tevinter. It’s hard for him to accept, but she doesn’t let it go until he realizes he has much to think about.

What does Dorian think of the Inquisitor? Does this change? At first he is nervous. He’s afraid this qunari will punch him down and not trust him, but she demonstrates herself  to be a valuable ally. After what they’ve been through in Redcliffe, he knows he can count on her, and slowly comes to considering her his best friend.

Does the Inquisitor help Dorian find and track down Venatori?

Yes. It’s not only a favour for Dorian, but beneficial to the Inquisition. Two birds and all that.

Does the Inquisitor learn that Dorian’s father wishes to speak with him?

Yes.

Do they tell Dorian about the letter or not?

Of course. It’s not her place to keep anything of the sort from him.

 Do they urge Dorian to reconcile with his father, or do they let Dorian leave without reconciliation?

She understands, and she doesn’t want Dorian to feel like she’s forcing him to do something, but she tries to reason with him that this might be the last time he sees him, and if he wants to try – she’s there for him. It’s personal for her due to her own relationship with her family.

COLE

Is Cole recruited?

Yes. She found him immediately very interesting.

If he is, does he ever leave the Inquisition, and why?

No. Sometimes Taashath doesn’t know what’s best for him, but he feels useful and she finds him interesting. Almost feels a maternal instinct towards him.

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Cole?

His existence is something she didn’t think was possible, and is intrigued by the possibilities. She also finds his way of speaking very soothing.

Does this impression change over time? If yes, how so? If not, why?

As they spend more time together, she comes to appreciate and grows fond of Cole not just as a strange occurrence, but as a person she has grown attached to. Sure, she wants to know more about him, but she’s also eager for him to experience the world as a person, and not just a spirit perusing beyond the veil.

What does Cole think of the Inquisitor? Does this change?

She tries to drown her own light to survive, but she’s still so bright. She is gentle, kind, and she understands.

When Cole helps people, does the Inquisitor encourage their spirit-like methods (such as making people forget him and mercy killings), or convince him there are different ways to help?

She encourages him to seek out different methods of helping, and tries to help him make connections with people so that he can help them better.

Does the Inquisitor urge Cole to forgive the Templar and embrace his spirit nature, or learn to grow by confronting the Templar and becoming more human? Cole – the spirit of compassion – was in pain for what Cole – the boy – suffered through. That boy’s pain was his pain, and was she going to tell him to just forgive and forget? For starving a helpless boy? She encouraged him to do what he thought was best, and this led to Cole confronting the Templar.  

IRON BULL

Is Iron Bull recruited?

Yes. He’s a valuable asset.

If he is, does he ever leave the Inquisition, and why?

No. His contacts are important, and she… gains insight into an actual follower of the Qun.

What is the Inquisitor’s first impression of Iron Bull?

Surprised. At first she thinks he’s another Tal-Vashoth, but is left astonished when he confesses he’s a Ben-Hassrath. Asala told her of Ben-Hassrath, but still, she did not think he would be… so animated. She herself is prejudiced regarding qunari, as during the years she internalized what people said about her kind. She doesn’t know what to make of him, and this makes her anxious. She still recruits him, as his presence offers various advantages, but it’s almost like she’s studying him as well.

Does this impression change over time? If yes, how so? if not, why?

Definitely. He teaches her more about what it means living under the Qun, and helps her reconnect to this part of her heritage that she was so detached from. Their sparring sessions become a little relaxing ritual for her, and she enjoys the company of the Chargers, and admires the family bond he has with them. She envies him, in some ways. In time, this envy turns to admiration, and the two become great friends.

What does Iron Bull think of the Inquisitor? Does this change? She lives outside of the Qun, her parents are Tal-Vashoth – yet she is no savage, purposeless beast. She is a great warrior, a leader – an inspiration to many. He makes sure she knows her people well, makes sure her mental health is kept in check – it’s his job, after all. But after a while, it becomes less of a job and more something that he does out of his own volition, because she cares about her and considers her his friend.

Is the Inquisition approached by the Ben-Hassrath to secure a formal alliance?

Yes. It’s a strange moment for her. It’s still difficult for her to deal with qunari business.

During the attack of the dreadnaught, does the Inquisitor sacrifice the dreadnaught and the alliance, or Bull’s Chargers?

She knows the Chargers. She loves them. She knows how the Iron Bull loves them, and she doesn’t want him sacrificing them because he feels he’s obligated to. To hell the alliance, to hell the contacts, to hell the information – these are her people. The Bull taught her well, but doesn’t realize it. It’s one of the only “selfish” choices she makes in game.

[a-kosher-dunk]

May I ask about something I’ve read regarding Miriam? Is it true that she made a racist remark against Tzipporah, and that’s why she wasn’t allowed into the Promised Land? I could be totally misunderstanding something, but I do remember reading that. Thank you!

I hope you're prepared for a 2000 word answer, because this is a complicated question about a difficult passage. Content warnings for violence, non-explicit discussions of sex, and (maybe) racism.

The incident you're talking about happens in Numbers/Bamidbar 12. Here's what the text says, quoting from the translation by Everett Fox, skipping over some verses that aren’t relevant to the question, and anglicizing Fox’s spellings of names for clarity:

12:1 “Now Miriam spoke, and Aaron, against Moses on account of the Cushite wife that he had taken in marriage, for a Cushite wife he had taken.

12:2 They said: ‘Is it only, solely through Moses that YHWH speaks? Is it not also through us that he speaks?’ And YHWH heard.

12:5 And YHWH descended in a column of cloud and stood at the entrance to the Tent; he called out: ‘Aaron and Miriam!’ and the two of them went out.

12:10 When the cloud turned away from above the Tent, here: Miriam has tzaraat like snow!”

Tzaraat is usually translated as leprosy, but this is a bad translation. What you need to know is that tzaraat is an affliction sometimes caused by angering G-d and, as in this case, it can turn a person’s skin white.

If you're not confused yet, you should be, because this passage gives a lot of confusing information. Why is Moses's wife referred to as a Cushite, when before Tzipporah was called a Midianite? Why is Miriam punished while Aaron isn't? What was their problem with the "Cushite wife" in the first place? Why does the text say that Aaron and Miriam were speaking about Moses's wife, but then the rest of their dialogue is about their roles as prophets?

I'm breaking this down into a series of questions and explanations for better readability. 

Question 1: Is the Cushite woman Tzipporah?

You'll notice that the "Cushite wife" isn't named. So the first question we have to answer is, are Miriam and Aaron even talking about Tzipporah? Or has Moses married another woman? (Polygamy would have been fairly normal in this place and time.)

Previously, Tzipporah was described as a Midianite, which would suggest that this is a different woman. However, today we don't know exactly where Midian was. We're not even sure that it was a place; it might have referred to a collection of tribes instead. "Cush" is generally assumed to mean modern Ethiopia, but that's not totally clear either.

It's possible that there was some overlap between Cush and Midian. Maybe the Midianites were a tribe of people living in Cush, or maybe Midian was an area in the larger territory of Cush. This might be the Bronze Age equivalent of saying "Tzipporah was from Texas" and then later saying "Tzipporah was from Houston."

Most Torah commentaries agree that this person is Tzipporah and that’s my interpretation too. For ease of discussion, I will continue referring to her as Tzipporah.

Question 2: Were Aaron and Miriam equally at fault for this situation?

In your question, you mentioned reading that it was Miriam who "made a racist remark," but as you'll notice from the passage, both Miriam and Aaron spoke. What you would miss if you only read this text in English, however, is that in Hebrew, verbs are gendered. In this case, the verb for "spoke" is gendered feminine. Normally, if you were referring to something done by both a woman and a man, you would use the masculine form of the verb.

Why doesn't that happen here? One traditional explanation is that it was Miriam who initiated the discussion. She went to Aaron first and persuaded him to join her in her complaint. Aaron has a history of acceding to what others want (see: the thing with the Golden Calf), which I think is very Hufflepuff of him. Meanwhile, Miriam has a history of taking leadership and persuading others to go along with her plans (see: convincing Pharaoh's daughter to adopt Moses, or leading the Hebrew women in a song of victory after crossing the Red Sea). So this explanation is perfectly in character. Either only Miriam said the part about Tzipporah, or both Aaron and Miriam said it, but Miriam was the instigator. A more fun explanation is that Aaron is trans and prefers feminine pronouns, but I don't know of any other passages that support that reading and in any case, that would be a subject for a different post.

Question 3: Was this about race?

First off, I'll point out that no one in this story would be considered white today. Miriam, Aaron and Moses would be considered Mizrahi Jewish or Middle Eastern by today's standards, while Tzipporah would be considered... well, again, we don't know where Midian was, but Middle Eastern, Ethiopian, or specifically Beta Israel would all be valid modern guesses.

That said, racism can absolutely exist between different people of color. Midianites and Hebrews would have seen each other as different people, if not different races. And there are lots of examples of violence flaring up between those two groups. In Genesis/Bereshit 37:28, Midianites enslave the young Joseph. In Numbers/Bamidbar 31, the Israelites launch a war against the Midianites. In a particularly violent scene from Numbers/Bamidbar 25:8, a Midianite woman and an Israelite man are killed for sleeping together.

So, it's totally plausible that Miriam was being racist. This would explain why Tzipporah’s race is highlighted twice with the repetition of the phrase “Cushite wife.” It would also explain why G-d chooses to punish Miriam specifically with tzaraat. The affliction is described as making her skin look "like snow," i.e. unnaturally white. This might be G-d's way of saying, "You think skin color matters so much? Okay. Let's see how you feel about your skin color now." Rabbi Rick Jacobs interprets the story this way, and has a very good talk about it in this podcast episode.

However, racism isn't the only explanation for what's going on here.

Question 4: Why the abrupt change of subject halfway through the complaint?

As I mentioned above, the text at first says that Miriam was speaking "on account of the Cushite wife." But then the very next line from her and Aaron is, "Is it only, solely through Moses that YHWH speaks? Is it not also through us that he speaks?” Which is a total non-sequitur. Imagine saying to your sibling, "I hate your girlfriend, and also, you’re not that special. Dad gives us special treatment too."

One explanation is that the real issue all along was the issue of leadership. Jenna Reback on an episode of the podcast Bad Jew Weekly says, “The ostensible reason that Miriam and Aaron had for talking badly about Moses wasn’t actually the root of their problem… They’re like, “Ugh, he married this Cushite woman.” And then they really get into what’s actually bothering them, which is that they should be more celebrated by people and by G-d because G-d has spoken to them too. In a way, I think this is one of the reasons that G-d is so mad at them, because they don’t actually just level their complaint… Miriam and Aaron are kind of being surreptitious and saying one thing but meaning another and talking behind closed doors…Miriam and Aaron don’t have the guts to just say it outright.”

In this reading, Miriam at first tries to hide her true intentions, possibly out of shame, or possibly to delegitimize Moses ("How can he lead us when he didn't marry a woman from our people!") before admitting to her real problem. This would explain why her punishment from G-d is harsher. Not only did she criticize her brother; she wasn't even upfront about what her criticism was!

But there's another explanation that ties these two threads together. According to commentary from Chizkuni and Rashi, Miriam spoke "on account of the Cushite wife" not to disparage her, but to help her. They interpret the repetition of “wife” to mean that while Tzipporah was being a good wife, Moses was not being a good husband. He had become too wrapped up in the responsibility of leading his people and stopped paying attention to Tzipporah. From Chizkuni’s commentary: “’Miriam and Aaron spoke out critically against Moses;’ how did either of them know that Moses had separated from his wife? They had both noted that Tzipporah no longer wore the jewelry she had been in the habit of wearing. Miriam asked Tzipporah why she no longer wore that jewelry. Tzipporah replied that it was because Miriam’s brother (Moses) did not pay any attention to her jewelry. This was a hint that he had separated from her. She told Aaron about this and they talked about that situation criticizing him.”

I should point out that the language used here is euphemistic; the implication of “separated” is that Moses and Tzipporah were no longer having sex. Tzipporah was upset about this, and Miriam was angry on her behalf. It’s kind of like that one scene in Brooklyn 99.

Let’s revisit the line, “Is it not also through us that he speaks?” According to Exodus/Shemot 6:23, Aaron was married to Elisheva. No spouse is named for Miriam in the Torah, but one midrashic tradition says that she married Caleb, a man introduced in Numbers/Bamidbar 13:6. I’ll come back to him, but for now let’s think about this setup. All three siblings are prophets. All three are married. But unlike Moses, Miriam and Aaron have remained close with their spouses, despite the challenges of leading their people. That’s why they make this point. This isn’t a challenge to Moses’s leadership; it’s a reminder that fulfilling G-d’s wishes is no excuse for neglecting human relationships.

This explanation seems random, I know. Where are Rashi and Chizkuni getting this backstory from? Turns out, there's a story about Miriam intervening in a similar situation between a wife and a husband. According to Rashi, back in Egypt when Pharaoh gave the "kill all the baby Hebrew boys" order and before baby Moses was born, Yocheved's husband Amram divorced her. Amram's argument was that if all baby boys were going to be murdered, there was no point in having more children, and therefore no point in being married. How Yocheved felt about this isn't elaborated on.

Miriam, however, was ready to fight. Rav Chanina says that Miriam “told her father: ‘Father, your decree is harsher than that of Pharaoh! He only decreed against the males, but you have decreed against both the males and the females. It is doubtful whether the decree of the wicked Pharaoh will come to pass, but you are righteous, and so your decree will be fulfilled.’ Amram immediately took back his wife.”

Keep in mind, most commentary says Miriam was only six at the time. Please picture a tiny, furious six year old girl standing up to her father and refusing to let him break their family apart. This is why I love Miriam.

Anyways, that story sets a precedent that A) Miriam is willing to intervene in extremely personal matters if she thinks it's for a good reason and B) when there’s a dispute between a husband and wife, Miriam intervenes on the wife's side. Feminist solidarity FTW.

Recap: I know that was a lot of information, so in summary, here are three possible explanations for what happens in this section. 

1) Miriam spoke against Tzipporah and Moses because she was being racist about Tzipporah. 

2) Miriam and Aaron resented not getting a bigger leadership role, but rather than admitting this directly, Miriam initially pretended that their problem with Moses was that he had married Tzipporah. 

3) Moses was neglecting Tzipporah and Miriam tried to talk to Moses on her behalf.

Addendum: In your question, you asked if Miriam "wasn't allowed into the Promised Land" because of this incident, and at first, I was going to say no. In Numbers/Bamidbar 14:27-14:35, G-d states that because the Hebrews will not stop bickering amongst themselves and doubting their G-d, they will wander for another forty years. The generation that was enslaved in Egypt will not set foot in the Promised Land, but their children will. I always assumed Miriam was included in the category of the generation from Egypt.

However! There are three exceptions to G-d's pronouncement. One is Joshua, who doesn't matter for this discussion.

The other is Moses because G-d plays favorites. And the third person is Caleb.

Remember the midrash I mentioned earlier about Caleb being Miriam’s husband? Well, if we take that as true, that implies that Miriam would have been allowed to enter the Promised Land with him. Especially since the other exception to G-d’s declaration is Moses, her brother. They’re supposed to settle in the land and raise families who will never have to suffer under slavery. Doesn’t make much sense for G-d to deliberately break up a family.

But let’s go back to Moses. Because guess what? He messes up. In Numbers/Bamidbar 20, G-d instructs Moses to summon water from a boulder by speaking to it. Instead, Moses strikes the boulder with his staff. G-d’s response is, “Because you did not have trust in me … you shall not bring this assembly into the land that I am giving them!” And with that, Moses is barred from entering the Promised Land.

From this we know that G-d can and will revoke Promised Land privileges for certain offenses. The incident with Tzipporah may have been one such offense. Maybe that is why Miriam doesn’t make it to the Promised Land, and why she is the first of her siblings to die.

There’s a lot that I didn’t cover. Sefaria lists 77 commentaries just on the first sentence of Numbers/Bamidbar 12. If you want to read more about this passage, I’ve linked some of my sources in the post and listed two others below.

Miriam in the Desert with Alicia Jo Rabins: a video discussing, among other things, popular interpretations of Numbers/Bamidbar 12

Sefaria: an all-purpose encyclopedia of Jewish texts and commentary

[blossomhcney]

( pedro pascal. forty-one. cis-male. he/him. ) in texas, matias vergara lopez is more commonly known as matias. they’ve been living in stratford for 41 years and currently police officer. some say they are vindictive & dismissive but i’m more inclined to believe those that say they’re appreciative & charming. if you walk by their house, you can sometimes hear roxanne by the police playing from their window. ( candles burning in the dark, a badge weighing heavily against his chest, the smell of an old book, warm as the sun in spring, a reckless youth. ) 

PINTEREST BOARD !

NAME. matias vergara lopez. NICKNAME. none. AGE. forty one. GENDER. cis male. PRONOUNS. he/him. SEXUAL ORIENTATION. pansexual. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION. panromantic. HOMETOWN. stratford. OCCUPATION. corrupt police officer. AFFILIATION. none (both).

ZODIAC. sagitarrius. POSITIVE TRAITS. appreciative, charming, polite. NEGATIVE TRAITS. vindictive, dismissive, standoffish. LANGUAGES SPOKEN. english, spanish, portuguese.

HEIGHT. 6′2. EYE COLOR. brown. HAIR COLOR. brunet. TATTOOS. can be found on the pinterest board !

QUICK INFO.

trigger warnings: drugs

matias was born to sofia vergara garcia and vicente lopez sanchez. sofia, a reaper. vicente, a diablo. matias was a secret from the day he was born, hell, from the day he was conceived, nobody would know who his father was, not from sofia’s mouth. nobody would know that vicente was expecting a child. the feud between the reapers and the diablos had been going strong since before matias was born, but the love shared between sofia and vicente was unparalleled. no amount of bloodshed would tear them apart, especially once vicente slipped a ring onto sofia’s finger in the night and they made their first (and only) son. 

to their credit, sofia and vicente kept their secret for six long years. matias was unknown to the diablos until the day of his sixth birthday, when vicente had slipped up. he had married sofia right before matias had been born, unable to keep away from her for any longer. they lived together on the edge of town and each were as secretive as the other about their lives. nobody seemed to pay them much mind. but, there was always one person that would pay more attention than any other. vicente had been caught out leaving the clubhouse to head home to celebrate matias’ birthday. he stopped to pick up a couple of things, nothing too out of the ordinary. some snacks, a balloon, a birthday card and a birthday cake. he was followed home and what an unfortunate mistake it was for sofia to open the door with matias on her hip. the kiss on the lips had been the nail that sealed the coffin. 

from then on, both vicente and sofia were criticised and given the dirtiest and worst jobs that existed in either club. sure, they hated it and wished they could leave, but leaving after that? they were sure to be followed and killed and matias had become their light in the dark and to put him in danger was not an option. redeeming themselves in the clubs eyes was their best option at giving him a happy and healthy life. so, day by day, they took on each job that was thrown at them in their stride and came home to their small family with a tired smile and thanked their stars for being so lucky in a world so full of hate. 

the problem was, matias had never thought of himself or his parents as lucky. sure, they had not been killed for betraying their clubs and fraternising with the enemy. perhaps that was lucky. perhaps they had escaped their tragic fate. but they had been doomed to live a life of looking over their shoulders when they were together, never able to be who they truly wanted to be until such a time came that the peace treaty had been established and they finally felt at ease. it was still not accepted, but it was less likely to cause their early demise. 

growing up, matias had listened as his parents talked about their days, listened as they spoke of the grotesque things they had done or cleaned up after. he was aware that he had been the reason that they had both dropped from high ranks in the clubs to the bottom, the lowest rung of the ladder. this was, of course, detrimental to matias’ life. his social life was never very good to begin with, but once he understood what he had done to his parents, he had started to hang out with the wrong crowd. a most cliche story, if you will. drugs and alcohol consumed him. his grades dropped and he found his life in the bottom of several bottles each weekend. it was only ending up in hospital and seeing the look on his mother’s face that brought him to his senses. 

he got himself back onto the straight and narrow, for the pure reason that he did not want to end up like his parents. he had dreams, though not very optimistic about being able to complete them. neither club would have him and he knew this, he knew that they would always look upon him as a bastard, born out of the hatred of two clubs. he would always represent that and he wanted so desperately to be somebody else. he did not want to live up to the expectations that everybody had of him. 

it broke his parent’s hearts when he became a police officer. he knew it did. they didn’t say it, not at first, because he had been so excited about it. he had loved the idea of doing some good in the town of straton, though that was never really going to happen, was it? everybody knew the clubs ran that place and, truth be told, matias didn’t really give a shit about making a difference or a change. he just wanted to have something to hold over the clubs. he wanted to have a little more power than they did and the only way to do that was to become a cop. it wasn’t much more, just enough that he could fuck with them if he truly felt like it. 

he never intended to be corrupt. that’s a very important thing to know about matias. he had every intention of being a good cop, clean and by the book. but the first time he was offered cocaine in exchange for a record to be expunged, he had been unable to deny them. it was most certainly a downward spiral from there. he’s incredible at covering his tracks and, thus far, has not been caught out for his actions. for the right price, he’ll take the bribe, though not everybody gets that luxury and it certainly depends on the crime. and if anybody were to talk? well, matias is plenty handy with a bat and a gun. 

CONNECTIONS.

ok so i am dumb and lazy and can’t think of any connections atm. obviously a couple of shits who bribe him with things to get out trouble and some friends, maybe even some reaper/diablos that hate him???? gimme everything pls and thank u 

[groundzerobakugo]

incendiary // k. bakugou; dragon king

  gender in this imagine will be female, if you wish for me to create this with male or genderneutral pronouns please feel free to send a message my way! i would be happy to help!

word count: 4k

summary: you’d always been fascinated by the stories of the dragon king bakugou katsuki, always adventuring to find the boy throughout your childhood. but after being left behind to fend for yourself, you accidentally wander into the explosive boy’s territory.

...

  growing up, you’d heard the tales of mythical creatures that used to roam the earth.

  dragons that lived in the mountain tops and hoarded treasure in caves, burning alive those that dared cross them with their fire-breathing, elves that kept to the forest and glided along with an elegance, bewitching all of those with their beauty if their gaze were to ever fall to the graceful creatures, faeries that hid in lush gardens and meadows, causing mischief to those who came across the little creatures.

  you were awestruck, staying up late and sneaking out to the bonfires of your camp just to listen and learn of these fascinating stories. you would often dream of these creatures, but the one that caught you the most was the story of the dragon king.

  he was said to be young, a kid just a year or so older than you were, but his power was rumored to rival the gods. they said he could speak to the dragons, tame them, riding them high into the skies and then sleeping with them in their caves. the storytellers said he himself was a rare breed, one of the last few alive, if not the only one, who could speak the dragons’ language. 

  bakugou katsuki--the feared dragon king.

  you would often find yourself seeking out the young dragon king in your travels; you wanted to know if it was just a story, much like the unicorns and mermaids in other fairytales. but like all kids, you had to grow up someday. you were nearly an adult when you realized that dragons no longer existed, and elves had hidden themselves away that everyone doubted they were truly real, and the faeries were just imaginary beings that were invented to entertain little girls and boys.

  years passed, and you were approaching your twentieth birthday; you had long since abandoned your family--or rather, they abandoned you. they had other mouths to feed, and they couldn’t afford to watch over you while they had other little ones. you didn’t mind much, you had no desire to be a travelling merchant, but rather an explorer, just as your childhood self would have wanted. still, it hurt to be left behind.

  but often times, surviving on your own wasn’t all that easy. you had quickly learned of the world’s unforgiving and hostile ways, a lesson that was taught by hard times. lessons that erased any childhood innocence you possessed.

  you walked quietly down the beaten path with your hood over your head; the cloak gave you little sense of warmth, and you needed to set up camp soon. the sun was beginning to dip into the hills, the sky painted with pinks, purples, and oranges. your stomach growled, and you bit your lip. you didn’t have anymore food, and you didn’t have anymore bows left to catch a rabbit or squirrel.

  you dipped between the trees as you left your path in search of a clearing--somewhere you could set up your makeshift tent and a fire to keep you warm. you grabbed a few spare twigs and branches for your fire on your quest to find the clearing, and you did so within the last few minutes of daylight. you pitched your tent and set up a circle of stones.

  the clearing wasn’t much--it certainly wasn’t home--but the makeshift camp would have to do; you lit the fire and sat down in front of it. the flames licked at your fingers as you placed your hands in front of the burning fire.

  the forest was quiet, only the faint sounds of skittering animals or the chorus of crickets could be heard. the full moon gave a slight shine to the forest, lighting the tops of the trees and the camp within the small clearing with its glow. the crackling fire burned steadily, the occasional pop merging the symphony of the forest. the winds howled amongst the trees, and the wolves joined in.

  you sighed to yourself and stood, turning to go into your tent to rest until morning, but you stopped. 

  there was a new noise in the forest, one that sent the hairs on your arms standing on end. it was a low growl that seemed to surround you, and it seemed close, too close for comfort.

  you weren’t sure what the creature was, and you cursed to yourself as you had no means of defending yourself. collapsing the tent and throwing dirt at the dying fire, you hid within one of the trees; your arms shook as you pulled yourself up, but you certainly weren’t going to die tonight, you couldn’t.

  there was the faint sound of approaching footsteps; you held your breath, the ground seeming to shake under each step. but you’d nearly given away your spot when you stifled a gasp. a dragon, bright red and menacing, stepped into your little clearing. its red, slitted eyes swept the area, sniffing the air. it turned its head behind him, and you followed its gaze to a shadowed figure, a human figure, stepping up beside it.

  “someone’s definitely been here,” he said, “you’re definitely right about that.” he knelt beside the fire and felt the ashes. “these are still warm, they must be close, and they’re trespassing into my fucking territory.”

  the figure looked up at that moment, and you saw his face as the moonlight caught it. it was a man, looking no older than you were; he had deep crimson eyes and disheveled blond hair. he was dressed with a long coat lined with fur, a few jewels lining his neck. there were a few scars littered upon his arm, small tattoos along with them.

  flashbacks of childhood stories swirled around your mind; the stories of the dragon king, of the small child who could talk to the dragons and befriend them and tame them. but as you were distracted with memories, your hand slipped, and the only part of stability you had in the tree was gone. you shrieked as you fell to the ground, landing with a solid thud.

  the talking between man and dragon stopped, their eyes scanning the area. “who’s there?”

  you kept quiet, stifling a groan as you stood. your ankle was red and swollen, having broken your fall--curse your constant bad luck.

  “i said, who the fuck is there?”

  with the cloak over your head, you limped back into the clearing, “i-i’m sorry. i was only seeking a place to camp for the night, i didn’t know i was trespassing, sir.”

  the man’s lip curled, “am i s’posed to believe that rubbish?”

  your eyes widened, “it-it’s true! i’m just a humble traveler, i swear!”

  he growled, footsteps approaching you and grabbing your wrist, “don’t fucking act all innocent! i bet you came because of those shitty stories, huh? wanted to see the damn dragon yourself? wanted to come and kill it for money?!”

  you squeaked, “n-no--”

  “quit lying!” he wrist wrapped around your neck and lifted you. you jolted forward, cloak falling from your head. his eyes widened upon seeing your face; you didn’t look like a hunter, you looked like an ordinary girl. but, looks could be deceiving. “tell me the fucking truth!”

  you stared up at the man with fearful eyes, “i am! i am! i was just--”

  “bakugou, let her go,” a soft voice spoke.

  “like hell i would, kirishima, she--”

  “look at her,” kirishima replied. “she doesn’t look like she’d be here to kill me. i don’t even think she could.”

  bakugou glared at kirishima, his grip loosening enough for you to drop back down to the floor in a heap. you gasped and coughed, your own cold hands trembling against your throat as you struggled to catch your breath.

  you jumped upon feeling a hand touch your shoulder, eyes snapping up to see another man; this one had red hair and a pointed smile, two little red horns adorning his head and large wings protruding from his back.

  “are you okay?”

  your words were stuck in your throat as you stared in awe at the man in front of you. it was another creature from your childhood stories--half dragon, half man, but still able to shift into the large beast and able to breath fire.

  “miss?”

  “i-i--”

  “let’s just fucking go, kirishima,” the blond scowled.

  the redhead turned, “we should keep her!”

  your eyes widened, “k-keep me?!”

  “you could come live with us in the mountains,” he smiled, “i mean, if you want.”

  “this can’t be fucking happening,” bakugou pinched the bridge of his nose. “kirishima, you just want another human there because the fucking spring is coming up. let’s go, i wanna get home and fucking sleep.”

  kirishima huffed, “we can’t just leave her here.”

  “we can, and we are, you idiot,” he snapped. “now fucking shift back and take us home.”

  “but--”

  “no! now let’s--”

  “wait!” you shouted, “i-i want to come with, please?”

  the blond turned his glare your way, “and why the fuck would you want that? far as i know you’re still a threat.”

  “i’m-i’m curious,” you admitted in a small voice and stood, your ankle pained as you remembered you’d sprained it. “and, as you can see, living on my own isn’t... isn’t--” black dots began to dance around your vision, and you stepped back as you felt yourself begin to sway. how long has it been without food? without water?

  “oh, hell,” the blond rushed to catch, your form buckling as you passed out. “kirishima.”

  the redhead nodded, “yeah.” he transformed back into a dragon, and bakugou clambered on with you in his arms. he knew there was something odd about how light you’d seemed, about how gaunt your cheeks were. he had to fucking take you in now, you couldn’t even fucking take care of yourself.

  there was a soft pounding in your skull when you came to, and you attempted to sit up, only to have slight pressure pushing you back down. you opened your eyes slowly, getting used to the dim light of the cave as you looked around.

  “lay back down, move too fast and you’ll pass out again,” a deep voice grumbled.

  “wh-where am i?” you asked groggily. you looked over to see the blond you saw in the woods; bakugou katsuki, the boy from the stories.

  “you’re in the grey mountains of rhovanion,” he replied.

  you nodded, “oh.” slowly, you tried to sit up again, and he didn’t push you back down. “i--”

  “here, drink this,” he murmured, handing you a small cup of water.

  your eyes widened at the water, and you, realizing how parched your throat was, began gulping it greedily.

  but it seemed to only piss the man off, and he snatched the cup back, “oi, oi, not so fucking fast! you’ll throw up, and i don’t wanna clean that fucking mess up.”

  you gave him a meek smile, “sorry?”

  “tch,” he glared. 

  he gave you the cup back, and you took small sips this time, only handing it back when your throat no longer burned. “thank you.”

  his brow quirked upward, “don’t thank me, thank that stupid dragon. he’s the one that found you in the first place.”

  you nodded to yourself, making a mental reminder to thank the dragon the next time you saw him. “um, you-you’re bakugou katsuki then?”

  the man looked at you, “so you’ve heard of me.”

  “i used to hear stories when i was growing up,” you replied. “a boy that could talk to the dragons and ride them, it was my favorite story. i used to go on adventures on my own to find you, and lo and behold, it’s when i stop believing you’re real that you appear. thank you for saving me, even if it was your dragon.”

  you didn’t miss the faint blush that spread across his cheeks, “whatever. just know that once you regain your strength, you’re out of here.”

  “i understand,” your voice was quiet.

  bakugou stood and turned towards the opening of the cave, disappearing and leaving you on your own. you felt bad to have bakugou and kirishima looking after you, and you would be grateful once you were able to leave them be to live the rest of their live in peace. if your own family didn’t want you around, you could only imagine how badly those two wanted you gone.

  you sighed to yourself, struggling to stand on your own feet as you limped to the mouth of the cave, craving the feel of the warm sun on your skin. the forest seemed especially green and lush in the late morning sun, the vast area intriguing you. you wanted to explore, see the wonders that this forest had to offer, but in your weakened state, it wasn’t realistic.

  “you really should be laying down.”

  you turned quickly, seeing the redhead smiling over at you, “oh. i-i know, i just wanted to feel the sun.” your eyes wandered past his face, and you stared at the wings coming from his shoulder blades, and the red-tinted scales that glittered in the light.

  “wanna touch ‘em?” he asked.

  “o-oh!” you jumped back and looked away, “n-no. i’m sorry for staring, i was just curious.”

  “it’s alright,” he gave you a lopsided grin.

  you gave him a tentative smile back. “uh, kirishima, right?”

  the halfling nodded, “that’s me.”

  “i... i wanted to thank you, for saving me and all that,” you mumbled.

  he waved the apology away, “it’s fine. didn’t cause us any trouble, even if bakugou makes it seem that way. he was just worried it was a hunter coming to kill me, you know?”

  your eyes widened, “do people actually do that? that’s absolutely terrible.”

  “yeah, apparently they’re promised a lot of money, and if there’s anything that i know best, it’s that everyone, even humans, love their treasure,” he replied. “oh, you must be hungry, yeah?”

  at the question, your stomach rumbled, and you blushed.

  “i’ll take that as a yes.” the two of you walked back into the cave, and kirishima helped you sit back down on the lump of furs that you had previously been resting on. “bakugou warned me not to give you too much, said that your human body needs to get used to food again. that you’re malnourished, or something of the sort.”

  “th-that would make sense,” you mumbled.

  “here,” he handed you a small bowl of berries.

  you thanked him and ate alongside the dragon in silence, “so, kirishima, is bakugou always that... that--”

  “mean?”

  you nodded.

  “not really, he’s actually pretty nice after a while, you just have to get used to his cold exterior,” the redhead said. he smiled to himself, “he actually saved me, too, you know? he found me in the woods while a hunter was about to kill me and rescued me, and in turn, i’ve devoted my life to returning the favor.”

  you pictured a small bakugou and kirishima together, and it made your heart happy.

  it wasn’t long until bakugou had returned; you weren’t too sure what he was doing out there alone, but kirishima assured you not to worry too much about it. he was prone to leaving on his own, and he always returned.

  “oh, you know, you never told us your name,” kirishima gasped. “i’m so sorry, i feel so rude.”

  a bead of sweat dropped from your forehead, “it-it’s okay, really! my name is (last name, first name), but you can call me (first name). i’m not too fond of my last name.”

  “(name)...,” the dragon tested it out on his tongue, “i like it, it suits you! does it mean anything?”

  “not that i know of,” you replied, stifling a yawn behind your hand. you’d only been up for a few hours, so why were you so tired already?

  kirishima noticed the yawn immediately, “if you’re tired, we could take a nap together? as cold as we come off, dragons are actually quite cuddly.”

  you smiled, nodding, “then i’ll take you up on that.”

you had stayed with the dragon king and his loyal dragon for almost a week; you were finally starting to feel a bit better, some color returning to your skin and cheeks no longer gaunt. you ankle was healing nicely, and you suspected it wouldn’t be long until you had to leave the boys and their cave, probably never to see them again.

  kirishima was usually the one to keep you company during the days; bakugou was usually out and about, whether it be hunting, collecting firewood, or simply roaming around his domain. you learned that the entire forest had been claimed by the blond, and kirishima wasn’t the only dragon within miles of trees. the adult dragons were wary of you, but you had won over the hearts of the baby dragons as you watched over them with kirishima.

  it was like a childhood dream, and if your old self could see you now, you knew she would be throwing a temper tantrum the moment you had to leave. the truth was you didn’t want to leave; in just the few short days, you’d grown to care for both boys.

  you learned quite a bit about the two of them; how bakugou was from a clan of draconian-tongues, and he had the magical ability to cause explosions from his hands, a gift that came with his tongue. he said it was a power move, to assert dominance over dragons that disagreed with him. and kirishima would teach you about the dragons, how their scales were practically stab-proof and even in his human form, he could summon his scales to harden his body from attacks. the pair were interesting in their own ways.

  “so, (name), you got mine and bakugou’s story, what’s yours?” the redhead asked as you two ate lunch. the afternoon sun had peered into the cave, and it cast a glow you could only describe as magical.

  you laughed, scratching the back of your head, “oh, uh, i-i don’t have much of a story, not one that i think you would want to hear. it’s a bit depressing.”

  “nonsense,” he replied. “i really do want to hear it.”

  you sighed, “o-okay, well, i used to live with a big family, some members not even blood-related but just wanting to join in. i had two older brothers and four younger ones, only one sharing the same mother i did. they were all boys, too, and they were usually put to work from a young age, so i didn’t see my older brothers very much.

  “you see, they were merchants, and we traveled from village to village trying to round up enough money to feed everyone,” you said. “sometimes we’d come across storytellers, and even though i was told to watch my younger brothers, i would sneak out to hear the stories. dragons were the ones that i was drawn to more often, but... but actually, bakugou was my favorite story. the tale of a boy, wild, living amongst the dragons and riding in the sky with them. i would often go on adventures to find him, but no such luck.

  “it’s funny, once i stop believing, that’s when i find the man of my childhood dreams,” a small laugh bubbled from your lips. “it’s probably what got me in trouble so often, as i’d wander off too much for my parents to keep up. and... and one day,” you sighed, feeling your chest tighten, “one day, i guess i strayed a little too far from home, from the camp, and when i came back, they were gone. i understand why they did it, i don’t blame them for it, but it still sucks to be abandoned. that’s probably why i’m such a mess--they could teach my brothers survival skills, but they never taught me, and i was the one they let fend for themselves.”

  kirishima stared at you, mouth agape. he couldn’t believe it; he thought only dragons abandoned their young, and he knew that bakugou had left voluntarily from his own clan. so to hear that your parents left you alone, it was heartbreaking to the halfling.

  “see? depressing and uninteresting,” you sniffled, willing away the tears.

  the redhead was quick to scramble to your side, “no, no, please don’t cry. i’m sorry that your family abandoned you. that’s... that was really mean of them, and i can’t believe they left you like that.”

  “it’s fine!” you tried to give him a wide smile, one that hardly reached your eyes. “uh, i’m-i’m gonna go for a walk. sorry.”

  you stood quickly, a slight limp to your step, and you left the cave. you spun around to head towards the little hideout kirishima had showed you the previous day, but you ran into bakugou. quickly, you mumbled out a million apologies, not seeing the shocked expression on the blond’s face. just before you could continue towards the hideout, he grabbed your wrist.

  “bakugou, what--”

  “i’m sorry,” he murmured.

  “oh, you-you heard then?” you asked.

  he nodded.

  “sorry about that,” you replied in a weak voice. “but hey! there’s no need to worry, soon you won’t have to deal with me anymore, my ankle’s almost fully healed. i’ll be out of your hair before you know it.”

  he had no time to reply as you walked off, soon out of view. the blond grumbled to himself, cursing your damn parents and how foolish they were to leave a naive, little girl to fend for herself. you were weak in his eyes when he’d found you, both physically and mentally, but upon overhearing your story that you spilled to his dragon, he realized he was wrong.

  “oh, bakugou, welcome back!” kirishima greeted happily. “how was your--”

  “she’s not leaving.”

  the redhead’s brows furrowed, “what...?”

  “i overheard everything, and she’s not leaving,” the blond stated once more.

  “oh,” he sighed; he gave his king a small smile at the change of heart.

  you had returned before dusk, the sun just beginning to dip into the hills. your cheeks were stained with dried tears, and your eyes were puffy and swollen. after all, you just spent the last hour of the day crying about your parents who didn’t even give a damn if you were dead or alive. your brothers were probably no different.

  “oi, we got shit to discuss,” bakugou greeted as you stepped through the cave and approached the small fire they had growing.

  you nodded and sat next to kirishima, the redhead pulling you into his chest and wrapping his arms around your waist. you were thankful, as the outside winds had chilled you to the bone, and kirishima always radiated warmth.

  “about you leaving,” the blond started. he handed you the small plate of food he’d made, and you thanked him.

  “i’ll be gone by morning, don’t worry,” you replied. “i--”

  he held up his hand, “shut up, and let me speak for a damn second.”

  your mouth shut obediently, and you looked up at the dragon king, waiting for what he had to say.

  “you’re not leaving, not tomorrow, not the next day, or even the fucking day after that,” he said. “i overheard your shitty story, about your shitty parents, how they fucking left you behind and shit. you’ll fucking die out there if we let you back out on your own, you were half dead when kirishima fucking found you, starving and dehydrated.

  “so, you’re staying, and i don’t give a damn about what you have to say about tha--”

  you cut him off as you tore yourself from kirishima’s grasp, your arms wrapping around the boy’s neck as you hugged him, “thank you. thank you, thank you, thank you!”

  kirishima stifled a laugh at the blond’s flustered face, arms up in the air as he didn’t know how to respond to the hug. he wasn’t used to affection, especially not from the opposite sex, and he wasn’t sure how to feel.

  you pulled away, a blush on your cheeks, “sorry, i just, thank you.”

  his own cheeks were still red, and he grumbled, “yeah, yeah. whatever. just know you’re going to have to earn your own damn keep! no fucking lounging around the cave while me and kirishima do all the hard work.”

  you beamed at the blond, nodding enthusiastically, “of course! whatever you need me to do!”

  kirishima grabbed you roughly into a hug, “told you, he isn’t such a bad guy after all!”

  “oi, were you talking shit, shitty hair?!”

...

part two.

[sprydecreates]

wedding bells

requested by: no one :)

warnings: angst (break up), language

pairings: shawn mendes x reader

type: headcanon/list; gender neutral (doesn’t use any pronouns)

summary: after a brutal break up, shawn is there to pick you up, and then some.

a/n: i know.... i keep weaving in and out of tumblr...... oh well. had this idea in mind and i really liked it. hope it’s not too bad ♡

flash back friday

you and shawn met in elementary school due to a school project called flat stanley, where you send a little paper character to someone you know and have them take stanley through their lives for a bit.

your family knew shawn’s, and so you two were introduced for the first time.

since you two were kids, you didn’t really have a way to keep in contact with each other.

good thing for you, you two were reunited in middle school, when shawn’s family came in for a visit.

finally, you two were able to keep in contact, and you remained good friends until high school.

until meaning, you didn’t have anyone to bring to prom, and you invited shawn

which, of course, caused a whole cliche like “he saw me walk down the stairs and fell in love”, but deadass. like that’s really what happened. boy seen you all pampered and dressed up, and did the whole “..wow” with the little heart eyes and had that little blushy patch shining through

soon after, he asked how you felt about long distance relationships while on facetime.

hoping he’d take the hint, you said “there’s really only one person i’d see myself with that’s far away” and take him through a “well he’s like eight feet tall, has brown hair and brown eyes, kinda sarcastic but will cry if he thinks he hurt someones feelings, shall i go on?” 

and hes OblIviOus right. genuinely thinks you’re talking about some celeb you’ve stanned for a couple of months. so he’s just like “uh, if you want. you seem happy about him, so i’m glad you’re happy”

and you pull a “yeah, you do make me happy”

WHEW BOEH

this sweetie raises his eyebrows and widens his eyes, Finally realizing you’re going on about him, and he’s like, “huh..?”

“did you seriously think i wouldn’t notice you rubbing little hearts into the back of my hand on the way to prom?”

“i mean yeah but that’s on my side, i didn’t realize that you liked me back??”

“i was sure you’d take the hint when i said i’d love to have a boyfriend like you”

“y/n you Know how bad i am at taking hints”

“yeah, i know, now.”

and that started the talking phase, which only lasted Maybe a month and a half before you two started dating.

you and shawn dated from senior year up until freshman year of college.

you stayed in your own state because of the in-state tuition, and shawn stayed in canada to be closer to his family

because you two were now considered to be in the ‘real world’ and actually had to fend for your own in a sense, you two became super busy, and rarely got a chance to speak to each other.

this eventually lead to you two breaking up, as you couldn’t keep up with each other at this speed, and distance.

you both agreed to give each other some air, and continue talking when the other had enough time to heal.

but, out of fear that the other hadn’t had enough time to get themselves together, neither of you contacted the other and the friendship fell through.

present time

two years have passed, and you are now in a relationship with your fiance.

yes, you read that right. f i a n c e.

you didn’t necessarily think it’d happen, either.

after your friendship with shawn fell through, you downloaded tinder, and matched with (y/f/n). you decided “eh, why not” and now you’re here.

you didn’t really even want to marry this dude this fast, but he brought you to a popular and packed, expensive restaurant with his entire immediate family, and popped the question while using a microphone. how fun, totally not anxiety driven and absolutely not embarrassing :)

but, since shawn, you were having doubts of finding someone else. so, this was like a last shot for you, in a sense.

but, here you are, and it’s about four months from the wedding date.

nothing is written in stone, apart from the venue

you were going through your contacts, finding out who you were going to invite.

down the line, shawn popped up.

what were you going to do now?

you wanted to invite shawn because, hello, he had been apart of your life since  e l e m e n t a r y  s c h o o l. you couldn’t just marry someone and ten years down the road bring it up like “hey yea sorry about not inviting you :/ thought it’d be awkward ://////”

but then again, your fiance was well aware of your history with shawn. it’s not like he was going to leave you at the alter if shawn came, but you were still a bit iffy considering (y/f/n) is a little insecure when it comes to you talking to other guys.

despite feeling off about you, you decided to message shawn anyway, and inform him of whats going on

2:43 PM: “hey shawn!”

2:51 PM: “(Y/n)?”

2:53 PM: “yeah?”

2:57 PM: “Hey! I was just making sure this was still your number. I didn’t have it deleted on purpose, just got a new phone about two months ago.”

3:04 PM: “no problem, sorry we haven’t talked in a bit. how are you?”

3:10 PM: “Pretty good, how are you?”

3:13 PM: “i’m doing well, i actually just got engaged not too long ago!”

3:35 PM: “Oh, yeah, I noticed that. Congrats”

3:40 PM: “:( you okay?”

4:15 PM: “Just confused as to why I’m being told this like four months since it happened.”

4:20 PM: “I wanted to tell you, i just didn’t know how to bring it up in a normal conversation. that and my fiance is a bit weird about us talking.”

4:24 PM: “What do you mean weird?”

4:28 PM: “he just gets freaked”

4:33 PM: “Lol I don’t know why he’d get upset at you messaging me just to tell me that you’re getting married to him. Seems like he’s scared.”

4:39 PM: “idk. anyway, i was wondering if you’d like to be invited?”

the conversation went on for half the evening before you both said goodnight and went to sleep.

you were woken up by (y/f/n) standing over you with your phone in his hand.

“(y/f/n)? what is it?”

he had his eyebrows raised in a ‘caught you’ type of way, peering down at you and practically shoving your phone into your face, “what’s this about shawn?”

you let out a short but forceful breath through your nose, “what about it? and why are you in my phone-”

“‘can’t wait to see you’? ‘i think he’s scared’? what the fuck is that about?”

you were sat up in your bed by now, as he had spent the night at your place, “what the fuck about it, (y/f/n)? he used to be one of my closest friends, i’m not going to skip out on inviting him-”

“oh but you don’t back me up when he thinks i’m scared of him? or when he talks shit about my family?”

“all he said was he figured you proposed that way?! why are you freaking out over this?”

“why aren’t YOU freaking out- you know what. i’m gonna head out.”

and with that, he left.

a few weeks and after several arguments later, you officially changed your relationship status to ‘single’ on facebook.

shawn was one of the first to message and ask if you were okay.

you explained everything that had happened, and how you drunkenly figured out (y/f/n) had hooked up with his ex because “if you get to fuck someone else so do i”. even though   . you and shawn haven’t been face to face in like two years  . ok

not even a week later, shawn was at your front door with two weeks worth of clothes packed.

the first few days were reserved for him to kind of hold you, and make sure you were alright. you were sad it was over, and angry that he cheated and used an assumption to do so.

on the third day, though you finally opened up about the situation that lead to the breakup.

you and shawn were on your couch, and it was about midnight. you had been on the topic of busted relationships, and that’s when you felt like it was appropriate to complain, “i’m just, so, confused? like i don’t know what went wrong with it.”

shawn, who had always been real with you, decided to add his opinion in, “he wasn’t ever right for you, from what all you’ve told me.”

you sighed and shook your head, waving your hands in a defeated motion, “i know, he wasn’t ever my type. it’s just, we made a life together,” shawn made a disapproving hum, but kept his words to himself, “and yeah he was kind of a bitch, and his family was really weird and acted like they were better than me, and,” you continued for roughly fifteen more seconds before shawn interrupted

“(y/n), do you hear yourself?” he held his hand sternly against his half crossed legs. you didn’t speak, as you thought he would continue, “you sound like you were living in an imaginary jail cell. there’s more bad than good about him, and i get that usually happens after a breakup, but i’ve heard what, TWO good things about him since i’ve been here? if he’s as bad as you make him seem, which i completely believe, then you’re better off without him.”

you held your head down, staring at the floor while shawn continued on, and spoke softly when he was finished, “i know i probably am, i just can’t wrap my head around why he cheated. he was supposed to love me, and i feel like it was my fault this all ended-”

“it wasn’t ever your fault (y/n).”

“i just-”

“no, listen to me. this man proposed in front of his family because he knew you’d get nervous and say yes so you wouldn’t cause a scene. then when he realized you wouldn’t obey his every order, he didn’t want you anymore. he wanted you to say you were a fixer upper and that HE was the one to help you. but you helped yourself, and he hated that. he literally left you out of nowhere JUST because you invited me, someone you hadn’t spoken to but for mere minutes each year to wish me a happy birthday or new years. then he immediately went and hooked up with an ex, that didn’t you say he lied about talking to at the start of your relationship?”

“yeah but-”

“i don’t mean to interrupt all the time, but there’s not any buts to be had. he realized you weren’t going to be his trophy wife, and he resorted to his ex, who he knew would be there. you’re better off, (y/n). it might take some time, but it’s true.”

you sat in silence for a couple of minutes, taking in all that shawn had said. and, he was right. that piece of shit left you, YOU, all because you invited your ex to an event that bounded you and your fiance together. so, fuck him, and everything he made you go through.

the rest of the night was spent with you and shawn making fun of (y/f/n).

what the future holds

next thing you knew, you and shawn had graduated from college, and (y/f/n) proposed to his ex. but you hadn’t been thinking about him much, especially since shawn had gotten back into your life.

you two were actually looking through apartments up in michigan, and planned to move in with each other by july.

now, you two did this in order to ‘save money’. in reality, two months passed and you two started to catch feelings, again. whooooo would’ve guessed that was going to happen?

regardless, you didn’t mind, and shawn certainly didn’t either.

come to find out, your relationship status changed to ‘in a relationship’ with shawn not even six months after moving in with each other!

your relationship was really sweet, to say the least.

lots of reassurance from shawn, most of the time it was random

temple kisses while you were working on something for your internship to let you know he supported you

really careful and patient when you were stressing out

little “i love you”’s at the most random times. kind of like extra greetings from kurtis conner

tons of showing off, something (y/f/n) never really done

shawn was Extra. like he made a while ass snapchat story dedicated to you because he couldn’t get enough of you

his headers on his social media were always related to your relationship

just genuinely heart warming things

continuation of the heart tracing on your hand (you later on got a tattoo of a heart on the hand he held the most)

he’d get shy when you’d compliment his singing, which would usually happen when he’d serenade you in the floor at night, and he’d have that same blushy patch appear right before he’d hide his smile in the crook of your neck

while sitting next to you, if he couldn’t see your entire side profile, he’d always move your hair and tuck it behind your ear. he also liked to do this thing where he rubbed your ear after doing it

you knew you loved shawn, and he knew he loved you.

like, this dude has loved you for years. of course it dwindled and changed as you both grew, both apart and grew, but he always felt something.

so, it wasn’t a surprise when this conversation took place one night, you both sat on the couch as the background noise of the tv filled the room while you worked on a project, and he was writing a song that’d be for you when it was finished.

“hey, (y/n),” shawn said, a bit lower than the tv’s volume.

“yeah?” you answered monotone and focused on the finishing touches of your project.

he had been staring at you with those soft eyes, so his tone came out a bit more soft too, “let’s get married.”