#winter soldier x ftm!reader | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gatorbites-imagines · 2 months ago

Note

I have a prompt idea, Trans reader (ftm) in the 1940s being bullied, steve and bucky find reader and help him, start to friends to poly lovers (steve x bucky x reader), fluff with a little angst and soft smut, just an idea

Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes x FTM reader

Headcanons

I don’t actually know a whole lot about the era for trans people, especially in Brooklyn during those years. So, I’m just writing on a feeling and adding what feels right. Have I ever mentioned that pre-serum Steve is one of my favorites?

Writing this actually reminded me of something I wrote forever ago, called party of one, two, three? You can read part 1 and 2 here, if you are interested. I wasn’t really in the mood to write detailed smut, so.

Being a trans guy in the 30s and 40s wasn’t easy, but was anything during that time? Depending on where you were from and when you came out, you might have had the chance to live as a man.

If let’s say you moved to Brooklyn when you were old enough to know that you were a man, and you had always presented as such, then you might have been able to get a job, and if you knew the right people, fake documents.

If you had always lived in Brooklyn, then it was a lot harder, as most just assumed you were a lady who dressed like a lad because you didn’t want to “do your duty” as a woman, or whatever they had on their minds.

Either way, Steve and Bucky were some of the few people who supported you no matter what, if they only knew you as a man, or if you guys had grown up together. If you fit in Steves clothes you could borrow his, and if Steve was too small, well, then bucky had a closet with clothes too.

Being picked on was hard to avoid, in either situation. The first would be because you were such a small, scrawny and feminine guy. The second because you were a lady that needed to be put in her place.

The second was always more dangerous. The first, theyd just rough you up a bit and taunt you a little, but it always ended up as more of a “haha we are just taking the piss”. The second? It felt like the men who cornered you had something to prove, to you or themselves you didn’t know. But they wanted to prove that they could “fix” or “correct” you.

Living in Brooklyn and being a weirdo like you meant you knew how to fight, somewhat at least. Enough to not go down without a fight. But no matter how much you practiced, keeping up with multiple fully grown men was difficult.

If you already knew Steve and Bucky or not, the two would step in when they saw this. Steve first, being the righteous guy he is, would run in swinging. Scrawny arms and wheezing breaths, eyes burning with the fury of a thousand suns, the blonde so incredibly enraged at the very idea of someone treating another person this way.

Steve never lasted long though, but luckily Bucky was never far behind. In the end, Steve always looked as beat up as you, and maybe it was because he bruised and bled so easily with how sick he was.

Steve struggling to his feet and holding out a hand to pull you up, eyes still sparkling and teeth bloody as he grinned, was enough to make your heart race.

Bucky at least didn’t look like he was the main victim of your group of attackers. He was a bit ruffled up, sure, but he still looked mostly put together.

It should shock no one that Bucky easily led you and Steve back to his and Steves apartment, where Bucky got to work patching you both up as they made you talk about the guys who did it, and why. Steve because he wanted to go back out there and smack them straight, and Bucky to be on the safer side.

Be it the first or twentieth time they save you from your so-called bullies, Steve and Bucky stayed just as intense and caring. Even when they didn’t have a lot, or Steve was sick, you always felt like you belonged and was as much of a man as them.

When you three started dating it got a little easier. Everyone already knew that Steve Rogers as built like a twig, but would swing until there was blood if he needed too. He was snarling, snapping and as feral as those starving alley dogs. He was as protective as one too, not just of you but Bucky too.

Bucky wasn’t much better, though he hid it more successfully. Everyone thought that Barnes was the charming, sweet talker, who liked to talk it out without fighting. But they were wrong, when it came to you and Steve, Buck could be worse than Steve.

Both your fellas were protective and possessive in their own ways, but you couldn’t say you didn’t feel the same. You wanted to drown the men who antagonized Steve for his height and sickness in the piers. And jealousy reared its hideous head when the pretty ladies fluttered their lashes at Bucky whenever he passed.

The three of you were all a mess, but you were each other’s mess. You and Bucky never saw Steve was just his disease and lack of stature. Steve and you never just saw Bucky as his handsome face and face charm. And they never saw you as a lady, you were as much of a man as them.

The only time it ever became a challenge, your biology being different, was when you guys got intimate. But it was never made a huge problem. There were days when Steve couldn’t get it up because of his health, or where he could even participate because of his lungs. And there were days when you didn’t want to be touched because your body made you sick. You guys just found ways to make it work.

Sometimes you and Steve would just sit back on a chair each, one you’d dragged in from the kitchen, to watch Bucky pleasure himself and show off in bed. It was like your own litter theater, and Bucky really loved to be watched and praised by you two.

Sometimes it was Steve lying in bed carefully touching himself, at times it was just him caressing his own torso and telling you two all his wildest fantasies, his face and chest bright red from his flush.

And there were even times when it was you, when dysphoria wasn’t swallowing you whole and howling that your body was wrong. You never looked at yourself when you would be with them, but having two men with their own naked bodies made it harder to focus on your own.

Some days you would imagine that their body was yours, and the dysphoria wouldn’t be so bad. It also helped that Steve didn’t grow as much body hair as Buck, meaning Steve was almost as naturally hairy as you. Part of you just basked in the fact that one of your partners looked like you in that way.

The days you were fine with touch, Steve and Bucky never let it go to waste. You couldn’t fuck them like you three all wanted, they didn’t really have toys like that at the time, or at least accessible to you three. This just meant you guys had to get creative.

God gave humans hands and fingers for a reason, and you all had mouths. You always wore so many layers anyways, so the many hickeys your lovers left on you were easily hidden. The chest was always off the table though, and neither of the men complained.

Bucky was the best at praise, so naturally gifted that Steve would joke that he should become some pulp writer, that he should write those cheap sappy romance novels the ladies liked.

This didn’t mean that Steve wouldn’t praise you and Buck, he did, just in his own ways. The blonde always struggled with forming the right words and getting them out, but his sketchbook filled with pages and paged of you and Buck was all the praise you needed.

They would be good partners. Neither have a label for what you guys are, or what their sexualities are, they just know you three love each other, and that’s all that matters.

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urween · 24 days ago

Text

Skittish | Bucky Barnes x ftm!reader | english version

summary: After a long battle and especially hard research, the Avengers finally found the Winter Soldier. To keep everyone safe, they keep him locked in their HQ. In semi-freedom but especially in a trance, Bucky Barnes attracts the attention of the young boy in charge of taking care of him during his stay here.

notes: I prefer to specify it, the temporality is not exactly respected. Let's say that all this takes place just after Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

⚠︎ warnings: mentions of heavy trauma related to the war and the Hydra projects, a form of depressed!Bucky, violence, weapons, incomprehension of transidentity without transphobia, mentions of suicidal thoughts.

English isn't my first language, sorry for the mistakes <3

- 2nd person description

- 5 371 words

french version here

You were the little protégé of the group, he had quickly noticed. Even if Natasha didn't have superpowers or a robotic suit either, she was part of the team. She and Clint were kind of the superhumans of the group, with superhuman abilities but nothing that surpassed Thor's lightning or Hulk's muscles. Then, there was you, a fairly normal little human with no particular specificities. High intelligence, extreme kindness and an adorable smile. But no mastery of martial arts. You knew the basics of fighting, Nat had taught you the main thing. You had ended up understanding Bruce's extravagant chemical formulas, and you understood the most important things Tony said in his intense nerd phases. But once again, you were nothing special, and that made Bucky wonder. Why was a basic human here? What were you doing in the middle of the Avengers? Even though he had missed a few decisive years from a social point of view, he didn't understand.

As he stared from his cell, he saw scenes he didn't know how to interpret. You assisting Tony Stark and Jarvis, you laughing with Bruce Banner, you helping Natasha Romanoff train, you carrying Steve Rogers' shield to him, you sorting Clint Barton's arrows, you redoing Thor's braids.

What were you doing there?

You had cheerfully introduced yourself to him. With a friendly smile on your lips, you had stated your name, first name and pronouns – he hadn't really understood this last point –. You had surely been informed of his situation. Don't be offended, he'll need a little time, someone must have whispered to you. He hadn't answered you, and you hadn't seemed offended. You had then left, and he had remained perplexed. If you already knew everything about him, why come and introduce yourself? You must have read his files, you must have all read his files. Steve had to slip away to get some air, Natasha inspected everything in detail, Bruce muttered "it’s awful". You had to read his files. See his life laid out on a large table, foreign hands going over the medical reports. You had to read with anguish the endless list of victims he had killed during his missions, observe the modifications that had been made to him, the treatments inflicted, the pains endured. You had seen all that. Then, why come see him?

"Let's just say I don't really like you hanging around this guy," Tony's voice had been saying for several minutes, "Jarvis copy this plan for me and make a 3D reconstruction with train stations, airports and all the stuff."

The holograms moved before your eyes, but you hadn't paid attention to them. Back then, the first time you saw this virtual world being modeled in Tony's office, you were like a kid. Stars in your eyes, you asked a thousand questions per second, making the creator of this program smile. But now you knew yourself how most of the "Jarvis" system worked, and you weren't so impressed anymore, or at least you weren't with every move Stark made.

"I don't see what's bothering you," you replied, innocently swinging your legs in the air.

Tony turned around with his ever-so-dramatic gestures, making a vague movement with his hand he tried to make you understand things without having to speak. Unfortunately for him telekinesis was not part of your abilities.

"Okay," he admitted to himself, defeated, "to start with his sophisticated robotic arm that could crush you before you could scream," he mimed disinterestedly, “did you look at him? Unstable and completely high."

A non-hidden smile drew a curve across your lips.

"We're still talking about Bucky Barnes?” you had fun, “because I rather have the impression that you're looking at yourself in a mirror"

You glanced at Jarvis, who was finishing your friend's request. Then, your attention went back to the billionaire who was visibly desperate to have this discussion with you – you were getting used to it, a demonstration of love coming from Tony –.

"I prefer to cut you off right now," your voice continued, "I forbid you to give me the traditional excuses like he's dangerous or armed or he's a murderer”. You got down from the table where you were sitting and gestured around the room, “look around Tony, only weapons or future weapons,” you got closer to him and pointed at his forehead, “you have the greatest weapon that humanity has ever known in this skull. Natasha and Clint are professional killers, Steve is a traumatized soldier who makes a denial, Thor is an alien with supernatural powers and Bruce is a scientist haunted by a destructive alter-ego”. You pause to admire the still indecipherable facial expression of the man in front of you, “you are all murderers and dangers to Mankind, the only difference between you and Barnes is that you chose to devote your talents to a cause, and he had no choice".

Tony remained motionless for a few long seconds, a whirlwind surely vibrating his neurons. Then, he shrugged his shoulders and quickly bowed his head in defeat.

"You're right," he declared, "I’ve no more arguments and yours are solid”, he turned and went back to Jarvis, “well done kid"

A year ago you would have been perplexed by this reaction, but time had taught you that you had to take Tony Stark with a grain of salt and observe him as you would with a foreign mushroom. All you could remember from this interaction was that you were tired, that you had won against the great megalomaniac Iron Man and above all that you had to talk to Barnes again.

No one had really agreed with Steve on the idea of bringing a Hydra mercenary back to Avengers HQ. It's the equivalent of serving him our secrets on a silver platter, Clint had rightly said. You had been surprised to see Nat defend Barnes, alongside you and Steve – of course –. There was Bruce who couldn't deliver a distinct judgment, then Tony and Clint who were against. Thor having left, you didn't know where in space, the votes had therefore been closed with a majority of for.

You had helped Captain set up a room that was at least habitable in a protective cell, a bit like the one that had sheltered Loki. While the tall blond carried the fold-out bed, you had taken care of a bag of clothes – approximately Barnes' size – and another with water and sweets, this idea had come from you. You found it unfair to call this man a simple murderer, he had been manipulated and controlled. As you put the cereal bars on a small iron table, you tried not to think about the chaos that must be going on in the Winter Soldier's head at the same time. He must have been just as traumatized as his victims, maybe even more so. And finding himself in such a particular environment overnight must have been disturbing. So a chocolate bar and a soda couldn't hurt him.

Thank you, Steve had murmured, for understanding. You had given him a touching smile, holding back the urge to ask him how he felt. He had just found his best friend, who was supposed to have disappeared for several decades, and on top of that, this friend had suffered inhumane treatment for most of his life now. It was obvious that he didn't feel well, that he was helpless in the face of this situation. Bruce had advised you to give him time, and that if he needed it, he would end up talking to one of you. You had listened to his advice, and focused more on Barnes instead.

You had introduced yourself first, starting with a simple acquaintance. You had then made sure to take care of his needs, slipping in a new bottle of fresh water when the previous one was empty, opening his prison only when night fell so that he could go shower without running into a contemptuous Tony or a depressed Steve.

On this subject, rules had been established to guarantee everyone's safety. If Bucky left his cell it was always in the company of one of you – you were the only ones with the passes –, if he asked for something – which he never did – the object had to pass through several control portals before being given to him, and finally no matter where he went, toilets or showers, someone had to watch over him within the limits of privacy. Bruce had offered to take turns, but judging by the faces of the others you had volunteered to ensure most of his outings. Natasha was supposed to replace you when you weren't available, then Tony if neither of you were present. This way you had avoided conflicts but also and above all Steve wouldn't have to go there.

You didn't know him, Bucky, having only seen the videos in his file, and yet every time you went to visit him your stomach knotted. There was no question of fear, since his robotic arm had been censored to the maximum thanks to a Stark gadget, leaving him only the freedom to use it as a normal limb, without super-strength or integrated weapons. He remains a super soldier, Bruce had warned, his physical faculties are superior to Nat's and he has a serum similar to Steve's in his veins. But you weren't afraid. Unfortunately a goat would have made you shiver more than Barnes when you went to see him. He was always on pause. Never spoke, barely moving his gaze from the ground. You had been reassured to see that he ate the bare minimum, and he had even tasted a chocolate bar one day. But aside from these details, it was as if you were seeing the same robot in the same position, day after day. Your stomach knotted for these reasons, because when you brought him clean sheets he had nothing of the man you had seen on video. The rage that haunted his eyes had disappeared, there was only a nameless emptiness left, and you had never seen anything so sad. You didn't feel like you had a hundred-year-old Hydra soldier in front of you, but a broken orphan.

You spent a lot of time rereading his file, his reports, his exams. You tried to understand him through these papers. Steve was lost, he no longer saw Buck in those eyes, and you were trying to understand what he had become, Buck. According to his personal file, he had been found at the age of twenty-six before undergoing Hydra’s experiments. A photo of him, in 1943, was stuck to the paper. A shy smile on his lips, his infantry hat slightly tilted on his head and his uniform without a crease sitting proudly on his chest. A tear had seriously rolled down your cheek, ending its path in a Russian handwriting: Зимний Солдат, in other words Winter Soldier. Bruce had carried out a complete tradition of all the documents, later corrected by Natasha. Maybe rereading these texts was not good for you, but you needed it. You were the only one here who was interested in Barnes. Steve felt so guilty that he was in a kind of denial, Nat was only coldly studying the soldier’s file and let’s not even talk about the others. Bucky needed time, understanding and gentleness to at least not make his after-effects worse. You most certainly had to make mistakes, not being a psychologist by profession, but you were already doing better than your comrades and than Hydra.

"Nice evening, huh?" Your voice echoed in a leaden silence.

The sun had set for over three hours, most of the Avengers were in their rooms or gone outside, which meant that it was the perfect time for Barnes to take a shower. You had gathered your strength and went to the soldier's cell. When you had passed by, about two hours ago, he had not wanted to eat his meal so you had taken it back and heated it up again for later. With the hot dish in one hand, you carefully closed the armored glass door behind you. As you expected, Barnes had hardly moved since your last visit. Still sitting cross-legged in his bed, he seemed vaguely to notice your presence.

"I know you didn't want to eat earlier," you began, putting the meal down next to him, "but I thought that maybe your appetite had returned in the meantime."

Sometimes you were entitled to a small, hoarse "hum" from the back of his throat as a response, but you wondered if it was intentional since his gestures didn't match this slight sign of life. Unfortunately, tonight wasn't part of that "sometimes." No noise, barely a breath. But you didn't get discouraged.

The first few times you came to talk to him, his complete lack of reaction had made you wonder about his possible understanding of your language. Yet you had read that he read and spoke at least two languages, including yours. You might not understand what I'm telling you, you had mumbled while picking up his used clothes. Your biggest interaction with him had been when he had looked you straight in the eye and said in a pleasantly deep voice: I understand.

��Other than that you can-”

You were surprised to see him stand up on his own, studiously heading towards the exit door while waiting for you to open it. You were usually the one who went first to the exit, waiting two or three seconds for him to get up and join you. But this was a nice surprise, maybe it meant that his condition was improving.

Your electromagnetic pass stuck to the dashboard, a small beep sounded before you pushed the heavy door and let Barnes go first. These security questions were mandatory for you to approach the Winter Soldier. Always making him walk in front of you, making your pass inaccessible – hidden in your sleeve most of the time as Bruce had advised you –, a bladed weapon concealed against your ankle in case of trouble, and you weren't supposed to talk to him about yourself or the team. Clint had wanted to add an additional rule: not to speak to him unless necessary, to prevent any risk of manipulation. Did you look at him carefully? Had you imposed yourself in the discussion, he didn't utter any opposition during the whole process to bring him back here, and then remember his mission reports, he wasn't a spy but a mass murderer, he was programmed to speak as little as possible to his victims. Tony had agreed with you on the subject, recalling the case of Loki – once again – who was very different from Barnes.

Stupid rules, you thought as you watched the silhouette of the man in front of you advance in the long corridor. If the others saw him for more than five minutes, they would realize that he was nothing more than a victim in this cell. They all found you a little naive and they appreciated you for that, a ray of hope in the midst of chaos. Yet you were by far the one with the best perception of the others. Each villain had arguments, good or bad, you listened to them all. You reasoned with the team, making them come out of their superhero bubble to show them the possibility of a little levity.

You did not doubt the abilities of Barnes, you wanted to find yourself face to face with him even less than with Nat – and that was already a lot –. You sometimes looked again at the surveillance videos taken the day Natasha and Steve fought him for the first time. He was hypnotizing, in the way all his movements seemed to come together with such fluidity and speed, the way his body thought for him and acted accordingly. You were dizzy from a roll in comparison, so seeing it all was astounding. Of course, there were horrible explanations behind these gifts, just like most people who could reproduce all this, but you still couldn't help but analyze these videos. And then, there in that hallway, you looked at Barnes' back, his arm gleaming, the red star enthroned there, and you wondered what was going on in his mind. What he could do was inhuman, and seeing it in image reinforced that feeling.Then you had to realize that he was a human being, who had once been like you. His way of functioning had to have been completely disrupted, distorted and destroyed. We had to reduce to crumbs what had been to build what was now, that was how it worked. To adapt to a new environment we were always advised to forget everything we thought we knew, all the movies said it. In the same way that flat-earthers were convinced that the Earth was flat, Barnes no longer saw the world the way you did.

As the rules said, you discreetly put your pass in a pants pocket as you reached the bathroom. Simple locks served as security, and it was more than enough. No one except you had ever mentioned the possibility that Bucky was trying to end his life. If he did, the bathroom was the best place, which is why a simple lock would do the trick so that you or someone else could break down the door if necessary. But you avoided thinking too much about this exit, because through the few interactions you had had with him and the thoughts you had about him, you had become truly attached to him.

You opened the shower curtain, under Barnes' intrigued gaze. Each Avengers had a bathroom with the bare minimum in their room, but there were also three larger bathrooms on the second floor. These were the rooms to clean yourself in an emergency when you came back covered in blood, or Bruce went there in the event of a green alert for example. They were more accessible than the bedrooms, which explained this function. But what made Bucky curious was not that. You always gave him room number two, with a basic shower, a sink and a toilet. But there you were in number one, with a bathtub. He quickly detailed the room, slightly larger and apart from the bathtub there was nothing that differentiated it from number 2. As always, you had previously removed all objects that could be used as weapons. The pile of two clean towels overhung by harsh soap and shampoo – to avoid the risk of swallowing or too aggressive eye attacks – and the washcloth, were still carefully placed on the edge of the sink. So why a bathtub?

As if you were reading his mind, you turned around in a fluid movement. You took the time to appreciate Barnes' expressive gaze – it was so rare – before answering his questions.

"I assumed it must have been years since you had a real bath, you tried to avoid the Hydra subject, so I thought it could be a good idea?”

A good number of emotions passed through the blue of his eyes, only accentuating your apprehension about his reaction. No one had been even friendly to him for a long time, which meant that he was going to take a while before properly reacting. But as you had imagined, his gaze scanned the bathtub behind you at breakneck speed in search of a trap. I'm not like them, you thought with a pang of heart.

"I know what you must be telling yourself, but there is no trap Bucky,” his name resonated more than you would have imagined, “it's going to be long but believe me I'm not trying to kill you or hurt you"

A heavy doubt seemed to weigh, and you could only understand. This kind of sentence, he must have heard far too many before ending up electrocuted or worse. To help his process, you moved away and let him fully observe the place. His eyes locked on the shower head longer than expected, and once again, you felt nauseous as you imagined the traumas that must be replaying in his head. In that moment, you thought back to the first time you had led him into a bathroom. He had refused to get into the shower, his jaw clenched to the point that his teeth must have hurt, he had stared at you with a cocktail of indecipherable emotions in his eyes. You had ended up remembering the treatment reserved for Jews in the showers during the Second World War, and you had immediately apologized. Sorry, I should have thought of that, you had said guiltily, if you want you can just wash yourself with the washcloth and the faucet water, no need for the shower head today if you don't trust it. And the situation seemed to be happening again tonight, he was afraid that you would want to get rid of him during his shower, or bath in this case. Unfortunately, techniques have evolved since 39-45, especially since he was in the HQ of the greatest engineer in the United States, which meant that you could have found many methods to kill him while he was washing.

But you had to find a way to reassure him, because you had no intention of executing him quietly, and you wanted to be sincerely nice.

"Maybe if it reassures you I can-,” you hesitated before telling yourself that it was for a good cause, “I can stay with you? There's a curtain anyway"

Faced with his expression that swayed from surprise to doubt, you felt obliged to justify.

"If there's gas or an explosion, I'll die with you, which wouldn't be very appreciated by the team”, you paused slightly to gauge his reaction, “and if there's anything else threatening you can kill me yourself since I'll be right next to you”. You then brandish the door’s key between your two fingers, “on top of that I lock us in and leave the key on the edge of the bathtub, so I don't run away and lock you behind me"

You had the strong impression that in another time, Barnes would have smiled, maybe even laughed. Then, to your surprise, you saw a semblance of amusement in his eyes. An almost invisible veil that lasted only a second, just long enough for a distant version of him to take over the Winter Soldier. You couldn't help your smile, waiting despite everything for a more concrete reaction before reacting in return.

Bucky tried to get a dominant emotion out of the hubbub that was playing in his mind. You were definitely different, and he was beginning to understand why you had your place in the middle of a band of superhumans. And even if someone who spoke like you had the perfect profile to manipulate people at a high level, he risked taking his chance.

"Can I have twenty seconds alone to undress"

The shiver that electrocuted your entire body surely did not go unnoticed. His voice, his tone, gave a more directive than questioning turn to his question, and you only nodded slightly. In turn, you became as silent as him, too disturbed by the outburst of reactions on his part in such a short time. You left the bathroom, pushed the door behind you without closing it, because despite your shock, your unconscious valued your safety.

While you waited for some signal authorizing you to enter the room, you wandered on new thoughts. Barnes had not spoken to anyone from what you had been told. The cameras had recorded that during the fight to neutralize him he had spoken, a few Hydra men were with him so you had assumed that he was giving them orders in Russian. Natasha had been too busy trying not to die to pay attention to what he had said, but in hindsight, you wanted to know what had come out of his mouth that day. Tony liked to say that Russian was one of the least welcoming languages in the world, but strangely hearing it from Bucky made you want to. Maybe it was his growling voice, maybe because Russian had been his “native” language for years. Besides Russian, he spoke other languages according to reports, but then again he hadn’t shown off his skills to anyone but you. Besides, I’m pretty much the only one he’s seen since he arrived, you thought. But he had still had the opportunity when Bruce had come with you to visit him to check a wiring on the dashboard. He could have done it from his cell too, since it was completely transparent and he could see the hallway where many people passed, he could have talked. But he hadn’t, and without knowing why you had the feeling that he only wanted to talk to you.

The sound of water almost made you jump. You muttered a curse – hoping Bucky hadn’t heard – before slowly turning towards the door.

“Can I?” You rather ask to avoid a drama.

By the time he answered, you let your mind wander again. What if he was just naked in the middle of the room? Hydra had conditioned him to lose all sense of ownership, to make even his body no longer belong to him, which he meant was that nudity was no longer taboo and that on the contrary – given to the horrors these people had done – they could very well have forced him to stay naked to humiliate him further.

"Yes," his voice echoed vaguely.

Preparing yourself for the worst, you took a deep breath and kept your eyes high to avoid any eye contact in the wrong place. But as you opened the door you were relieved to see the curtain halfway drawn and Bucky already in the water. A feeling, which at the time you compared to a parent proud of their child, warmed your heart. It may not have been much in the eyes of the world, but you imagined the man's feelings when he plunged a body that had become almost unknown into warm water prepared for him, and him alone. Comfort, surprise, relief. A lot must have been going on in the Winter Soldier's head.

You closed the door behind you, locking the exit as planned. But as you moved closer to place the key next to him, a second wave of heat passed through your body as you realized something. He had only drawn the curtain halfway, thus hiding the lower part of his body but leaving you all the pleasure of seeing from his torso. Once again, in other measures you would not have found the situation moving, but rather comical. Except that this is the Winter Soldier, and all his communication was done without voice. He had left his arms and face visible so that you too could see that he wasn't a threat. In the same way that you had found a solution to his anxiety, he was taking a step towards you, showing you that you had no reason to fear him at the moment.

"Thank you," you murmured.

As if you were afraid of breaking the moment, you settled down without a sound. There was no chair here, but the floor suited you. You crossed your legs while resting your back against the small extension of the wall attached to the bathtub. This way, you stayed close enough to him while respecting a necessary distance to avoid seeing the rest of his naked body.

You forgot to check the time, no longer counting the minutes of observation that the man in front of you gave you before asking questions.

Bucky stayed in the water for a whole hour before it started to cool down. You spent all your time detailing his relaxed face, his eyes closed as if he was going to fall asleep from one second to the next. Then when he opened his eyelids again, he looked at you in turn for a few seconds, before asking you if he could get out of the bath. In his sentence, reality hit you again.

You had a mad desire to tell him that he was free, that he no longer had to take orders. You wanted to show him the world, to make him taste vanilla ice cream, to make him smell incense in churches, the greasy of triple burgers. You had the need to see him buy with his own money, help him get up from his first falls. When he looked at you with his big blue eyes, waiting for your permission to get out of a bath, you wanted to ask him for forgiveness, in the name of humanity. To promise him that no one would come and hit him, to promise this little boy that nothing would happen to him, that he could live a peaceful and happy life with his friends and family. But looking at the raw skin on his left shoulder, looking at the weapon that was implanted in his body, you felt your stomach turn. No one had been there to protect this child from Brooklyn, none of the people who had done this to him had even felt sorry for this man. And today he was sleeping in a cell capable of resisting the strength of the Hulk.

"You can get out of the bath," your voice broke.

He obeyed, rolling the superhuman muscles of his body to straighten up. You barely moved, being too far away in your thoughts to even think of looking away from him. A new blow was dealt to your heart as you realized that yes, he no longer had any notion of possession over his body. Two drops of water fell against your calf as he grabbed the largest towel and wiped his skin without emotion. The rough sound of the fabric made you shiver, and then you slowly stood up. He was taller than you, but neither that nor his robotic arm stopped you from grabbing his wet towel. His body failed to react when you passed the white fabric against his arm, his face was frozen in an expression of total incomprehension, faced with the softness with which the towel came into contact with his skin.

You finished your task, as if he were just a tiny puppy to wipe. Then, you took three steps back and fixed your eyes on his. You handed him some clean clothes, before taking the key back and heading towards the door.

“I really need some hot chocolate,” your voice still broken with tears declared, “and I’d love to share it with you, Bucky.”

Your slightly trembling hand wiped the moisture from your cheeks, then gradually turned back to the soldier after unlocking the exit. He had already dressed, the black jogging bottoms falling low on his hips. Bucky examined your face, and his eyebrows met in a half-confused, half-sad expression. He got close enough to you for you to feel the warmth he gave off.

“No cinnamon,” he said, “I don’t think I like it.”

You let out a nervous chuckle, telling yourself that only you could find yourself in these situations.

“No cinnamon.”

There was a first time for everything, and when you saw – later that night – whipped cream on the Winter Soldier’s lips, you thought that after all, the child could not be saved but that you could bring the man back to life.

pictures : Pinterest

dividers : @/strangergraphics, @/pommecita et @/thecutestgrotto

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chrisisvbun · 4 months ago

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masterlist.

fics.

ftm.

fingering. ftm!logan howlett x ftm!reader.

breasts. logan howlett x ftm!reader.

marjorie. logan howlett x ftm!reader.

sweet. logan howlett x ftm!wilson!reader.

fem.

guilty as sin. logan howlett x fem!reader

guilty as sin. logan howlett x fem!reader (ii)

cookies. logan howlett x chubby!fem!reader.

three soldiers. 40s!bucky barnes & 40s!steve rogers x chubby!fem reader x origins!logan howlett

cis male.

cozy. bucky barnes x male reader.

drabbles.

gender neutral.

the little spoon. logan howlett x gn!reader.

hands. logan howlett x gn!reader.

cis male.

argentinian boyfriend. logan howlett x male reader.

argentinian boyfriend. logan howlett x male reader (ii)

argentinian boyfriend. logan howlett x male reader (iii)

private meeting. howard stark x male reader.

fem.

butch. fem!logan howlett x fem!reader.

butch. fem!logan howlett x fem!reader (ii)

butch. fem!logan howlett x fem!reader (iii)

nsfw alphabet. fem!logan howlett x fem!reader.

series.

a ten nsfw chapter series masterlist.

gender neutral.

thank you. logan howlett x male reader.

ftm.

little intern. matt murdock x ftm!reader

fem.

mamma. bucky barnes x black!wilson!fem reader.

old rogers. young!bucky barnes x older!rogers!reader.

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guizika · 2 months ago

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Hey guys! Guess who's back? That's right, me 😝

Did I disappear for a while? Yeah, sorry about that. But I'm back to talk about my obsession of the month... (of the month is an understatement, I would say of my life-)

BUCKY BARNES!!!!

Omg- He's so handsome 😭 I swear, I'd let him do unimaginable things to me.

This is just something I thought about these days, maybe it's a little ooc.

So… let’s imagine that you and Bucky are in love, but you are so stubborn to admit that…

Bucky smirks, his blue eyes glinting mischievously as he leans in close to you. "Well, well, look who it is - my favorite little troublemaker," he murmurs, his voice low and teasing.

You feel your cheeks flush at his proximity, his scent of leather and gunpowder filling your nostrils. Bucky knows exactly what buttons to push to get a rise out of you.

"Aww, what's the matter Buck? Jealous that I'm not fawning all over you like those girls at the bar?" you retort, jutting your chin defiantly.

His smirk widens, a predatory glint in his eyes. "Maybe I like seeing you all riled up. It's cute how flustered you get around me."

Bucky reaches out, trailing a finger down your jaw. You shiver at his touch, desire coiling in your belly. He's so infuriatingly smug, knowing he has you wrapped around his finger.

"You know what I think?" he whispers, his breath hot against your ear. "I think you're just dying for me to kiss you senseless right here in front of everyone. To put you in your place and show you who's really in charge."

Your heart races, arousal coursing through you. God, you want him so badly. But you won't give him the satisfaction of knowing it.

"In your dreams, Bucky boy," you scoff, shoving him away playfully. "I'd never gave in that easily."

He chuckles, desire and frustration warring in his gaze. With a regretful sigh, he steps back, running a hand through his hair.

"Guess I'll have to work harder to break that stubborn will of yours. I do love a good challenge though." He winks roguishly. "This isn't over, sweetheart. Not by a long shot."

With a final heated look, Bucky turns and saunters off, leaving you aching and wanting. Damn him and his sexy mind games. He always gets the best of you in the end.

Author’s note: Sorry about disappearing again! I end up running out of ideas and time, work has taken a lot of time away from me. I'll try to post a few more short things like this just so I don't run out of content. I'm working on an ask at the moment. (btw, sorry for the delay, but I promise I'm writing) ♡

Please don't translate or copy my work and don't repost on other social networks, if there are any grammatical errors I ask you to excuse me!

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reveryfics · 1 month ago

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Hii ! It's been a little time since i send you a request ;) how are you doing ? Good i hope !

I saw that you wrote some Bucky stories so may i ask for one too ? I'm obsessed with his winter soldier mode, it's so interesting in a lot of ways. So, i would love a scene where he's still under Hydra control (during the Captain America 2 yk ?) and ftm!reader or gn!reader as you prefer, is part of the civils while Bucky is fighting with the Avengers. Everyone is terrified, but reader is beyond reason and can't stop looking at Bucky fighting moves. But it happens what happens and Buck, while trying to kill Natasha, find reader hidden behind a car and he stares. He kinda has a freeze when he sees the way reader's eyes are not fully scared but mostly amazed !

Thanks for reading me, hope this scenario suits you ? 🎀

Veneration

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x FtM Reader

Summary: During the fight between Captain America and The Winter Soldier, you can't help but be mesmerized by the way Bucky moves.

A/n: I'm glad to get another request from you! Im doing well, hope you are too! Can be read as FtM reader or male reader. Requests open.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

The cacophony of screams and sirens was deafening. Downtown Manhattan, usually a vibrant tapestry of life, had transformed into a chaotic warzone. Captain America and the Winter Soldier, two titans of a bygone era, clashed amidst the terrified throngs. Buildings trembled under the impact of their superhuman blows, glass shattered, and vehicles were tossed like toys.

Amidst the pandemonium, a young man stood transfixed. His eyes, wide with a strange mixture of admiration and exhilaration, were glued to the spectacle unfolding before him. He wasn't cowering like the others; he was mesmerized. The Winter Soldier, a whirlwind of motion, captivated him. The effortless grace with which he moved, the brutal efficiency of his combat, the chilling indifference to the chaos he wrought – it all ignited a strange fire within him.

He knew it was dangerous. He knew the risks were immense. He'd seen firsthand the destructive power of the Winter Soldier, the way the concrete beneath his feet had shattered as he slid across the street, a testament to the raw force he wielded. Yet, instead of fear, a thrill coursed through him. It was like witnessing a forbidden dance, a savage ballet of destruction.

He continued to watch, every detail burned into his memory. The way the Winter Soldier's metallic arm glinted in the sunlight, the chilling precision of his strikes, the almost animalistic ferocity that emanated from him. He memorized it all, until the encroaching chaos forced him to seek cover.

He found refuge behind a mangled car, his heart pounding. Peeking over the wreckage, he witnessed a chilling sight – the Winter Soldier's mask, torn from his face, lay discarded on the pavement nearby.

An inexplicable urge washed over him. He reached out, his hand trembling slightly, and picked up the mask. The smooth, cold metal felt alien yet strangely familiar in his grasp. He ran his fingers over it, lost in a reverie.

He didn't hear the footsteps.

The Winter Soldier stood before him, his eyes narrowed, assessing. The young man, expecting a torrent of rage, was instead met with an unsettling stillness. Gone was the cold, calculating killer; in its place was an intense scrutiny.

The Winter Soldier saw no fear, no disgust, only… admiration. It was a strange sensation, to be the object of such intense, almost reverent attention.

The young man, seemingly oblivious to the danger, reached out and offered the mask back to him. "Take it," he whispered, his voice barely audible above the din.

Bucky, for that was who he was, accepted the mask with a curt nod. He secured it over his face, the familiar metal a comforting presence. As he turned to face his opponent, his metal arm instinctively deflecting a thrown shield, he couldn't shake off the image of the young man, his eyes wide with a mixture of awe and something… more.

Bucky didn't know who he was, but a premonition, a faint echo in the depths of his artificially enhanced mind, whispered that this encounter, this fleeting moment of shared intensity, would prove to be far more significant than he could possibly imagine.

This encounter, he felt, was the first chapter in a story that would forever intertwine their destinies, a story of admiration, obsession, and perhaps, even more.

#bucky barns x reader #bucky x male reader #marvel bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x male reader #x ftm reader #ftm reader #mlm #fanfic #fanfiction #queer fanfiction #third person #x male reader #xmalereader #gay #gay fanfiction #marvel

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simonsrileyhusband · 4 days ago

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Could you perhaps make a more lengthy fic of Simon x a nerdy ftm reader? 👀👀

(idk if you meant spicy, if yes im so sorry lmao. i made them marvel nerd bcs i am, pls dont bully me)

"no, you dont get it, nobody saw miles because he was meant to be spiderman, so the narrative is always on his side, that’s why gwen sees him on the wall but nobody else does, because she isn’t part of his universe."

"mhm... i get it, people are dumb."

"no, simon, are you listening to me?" you turn to look at him, he was already watching you, a dumb look on his eyes. "you arent even looking at the screen."

"im sorry love, i just think its very cute when you talk about your things."

you stay quiet, biting down on the inside of your cheek.

"cat got your tongue?"

"im watching the movie, unlike you."

"you have seen it a million times, luv."

"yeah, but im watching it with you."

"i have seen it at least 3 times, those 3 times were with you." he chuckles.

you pause the movie and turn to look at him. "i told you if you didnt want to watch ut we could watch something else." you say a bit whiny.

"i mean, its okay, just not my cup of tea."

"what is your cup of tea?"

"mhm... that guy without the arm."

"winter soldier?"

"yeah, that dude... dope as fuck." he says smiling softly at you. "we can watch that one... or the cat guy."

"black panther?" you say holding back your laughter.

"dont laugh, im bad with names, they are all so silly. who the fuck chooses their hero name to be iron man? so dumb." one of his arms reaches out to grab your arm, pulling you closer to him.

"hey, dont speak ill of tony stark." you mumble and he groans.

"i dont like him, its dumb, the america guy too. how can he be names america when he is only on the united states?"

"what if we watch moon knight again?"

"mhm... can we skip episode 5?"

"sure, we can."

"okay then, i like those guys, they are silly... but in a good way."

you nod in agreement standing up to grab the remote and when you sit back down simon pulls you into his lap.

"i like your silly superheroes.... some of them." he whispers kissing your cheek.

"i know... thanks for taking the time, i know its not your cup of tea."

"some of them are... but you are my cup of tea, and i like hearing you talk."

you smile and kiss his cheek. "i love you" you whisper and he whispers it back.

#ghost x male reader #ghost x reader #simon riley x male reader #simon riley x reader #ghost fluff #cod smut #simon riley fluff #cod fluff

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ya-zz · 2 years ago

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REQUESTS

These are requested by you, anons and non anons. I try to get these to be between 1-2k words so it's fair.

I'll write pretty much anything as long as it's not incest, underage NSFW, bodily fluid kinks.

Please keep in mind that I do work full time so I will do my best to get these done as soon as I am able to.

!!!THE RED MEANS IT'S NSFW!!! ORANGE IS MILD NSFW

Tumblr ask 1 || SH Reaction - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (976 words)

Tumblr ask 2 || Meeting a Mage - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1793 words)

Tumblr ask 3 || Pranking Ramattra - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1620 words)

Tumblr ask 4 || Panic Attack - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1107 words)

Tumblr ask 5 || Fighting Feelings - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1827 words)

Tumblr ask 6 || Family with Cassidy - Cole Cassidy x Reader (gen) (1052 words)

Tumblr ask 7 || Fixed and Headpats - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1037 words)

Tumblr ask 8 || Sorry for Leavin' - Cole Cassidy x Reader (gen) (1524 words)

Tumblr ask 9 || Hatred - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1522 words)

Tumblr ask 10 || Arranged Marriage - Hanzo Shimada x Fem!Reader (1514 words)

Tumblr ask 11 || Fighting Feelings part 2 - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (2035 words)

Tumblr ask 12 || Flirting - Reaper x Reader (gen) (1457 words)

Tumblr ask 13 || Perverted Thoughts - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1511 words)

Tumblr ask 14 || Hacked - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1368 words)

Tumblr ask 15 || First Kiss - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1308 words)

Tumblr ask 16 || Breeding Kink - Ramattra x Fem!Reader (2099 words)

Tumblr ask 17 || Awkward kiss - Zenyatta x Reader (gen) (1321 words)

Tumblr ask 18 || Attempted Suicide - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1417 words)

Tumblr ask 19 || Retaliation - Reaper x Reader (gen/pos fem traits) (1770 words)

Tumblr ask 20 || Vibrations - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1619 words)

Tumblr ask 21 || Break-up and child - Hanzo / Genji / Cassidy x reader (gen) (assorted word count)

Tumblr ask 22 || Fear - Ramattra x Omnic Reader (gen) (1544 words)

Tumblr ask 23 || Praise - Sigma x Reader (gen) (1317 words)

Tumblr ask 24 || Playboy - Genji x Fem!Reader (1201 words)

Tumblr ask 25 || Bloodline - Genji x Fem!Reader [commission] (4831 words)

Tumblr ask 26 || Discipline - Ramattra x Fem!Reader (1891 words)

Tumblr ask 27 || Intruder - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1625 words)

Tumblr ask 28 || Change - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1029 words)

Tumblr ask 29 || Proposal - Genji x Fem!Reader (1061 words)

Tumblr ask 30 || Pikmin - Ramattra (1140 words)

Tumblr ask 31 || Ball-Jointed - Ramattra / Genji / Zenyatta x Reader (gen) (assorted word count)

Tumblr ask 32 || Suits - Hanzo and Genji x Reader (gen) (1098 words)

Tumblr ask 33 || Shelter - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1173 words)

Tumblr ask 34 || Permanent Shut Down - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1852 words)

Tumblr ask 35 || Winter Warmth - Ramattra x Reader (gen/male) (1102 words)

Tumblr ask 36 || Brat - Ramattra x Male!Reader (1615 words)

Tumblr ask 37 || Acceptance - Ana / Reinhardt / Soldier 76 x Trans FTM Reader (1665 words)

Tumblr ask 38 || Albinism - Ramattra x Reader (gen/female) (1381 words)

Tumblr ask 39 || Exhausted - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1722 words)

Tumblr ask 40 || Wii Sports - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1544 words)

Tumblr ask 41 || Pre-Match Interactions - Ramattra x Reader (gen)

Tumblr ask 42 || Take Me With You - Genji x reader (gen) (1334 words)

Tumblr ask 43 || Tipsy Touching - Ramattra x Fem!Reader (1619 words)

Tumblr ask 44 || Fixed the Broken ALT ENDING - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1707 words)

Tumblr ask 45 || Possessive - Ramattra x reader (gen) (1071 words)

Tumblr ask 46 || Christmas Eve - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1267 words)

Tumblr ask 47 || Kidnapping - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1264 words)

Tumblr ask 48 || Your Song - Lucio x Fem!Reader (1345 words)

Tumblr ask 49 || Endless Apologies - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1097 words)

Tumblr ask 50 || Meeting Mom - Junkrat x Reader (gen) (1337 words)

Tumblr ask 51 || Secret Admirer - Lifeweaver x Reader (gen) (1333 words)

Tumblr ask 52 || Take a Break - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1339 words)

Tumblr ask 53 || "I Want to help" - Ramattra x Omnic (1149 words)

Tumblr ask 54 || First Word - Ramattra x Fem!Reader (1772 words)

Tumblr ask 55 || Calm and Cold - Cassidy x Reader (gen) (1578 words)

Tumblr ask 56 || Break Free - Zenyatta x Reader (gen) (1200 words)

Tumblr ask 57 || Denial - Ramattra x FtM!Reader (1520 words)

Tumblr ask 58 || Hacked PT2 - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1348 words)

Tumblr ask 59 || Tangled - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1705 words)

Tumblr ask 60 || Hacked PT3 - Ramattra x Reader (gen) (1228 words)

Tumblr ask 61 || Young and Old - Ana x Reader (gen) (1448 words)

NOTES

I wanna thank those who have requested. It has been such a pleasure to write for you!

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bugsmunched · 1 year ago

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! Intro !

!! THIS IS AN 18+ BLOG, MINORS DNI !!

--------------

Hi! My name's BugMunch and I write smut. :)

I take requests!

Who I'll write about:

Steve Harrington

Billy Hargrove

Eddie Munson

Argyle

Jonathan Byers

Mike Schmidt

Derek Danforth

Peter Parker/ Spiderman (Andrew Garfield)

Loki

Bucky Barnes /Winter Soldier

Steve Rogers

Bruce Banner

Tony Stark

Young Magneto

Young Charles Xavier

Logan Howlett (wolverine)

Wade Wilson (Deadpool)

Spencer Reid

!!! I MAY HAVE FORGOTTEN A FEW PEOPLE SO IF YOU HAVE REQUESTS FEEL FREE TO ASK!!!

What kind of things I'll write:

Character X Male Reader

Character X Female Reader

Character X FtM Reader

Character X MtF Reader

Character X Gender neutral! AFAB Reader

Character X Gender neutral! AMAB Reader

Character X Reader X Character

Character X Character

Sub! Character X Dom! Reader

Dom! Character X Sub! Reader

What I WON'T write : Non-con, watersports, age regression in a sexual manner, play with bodily fluids that aren't cum and blood, anyone underage.

Taken anon emojis:

None

------------

Here is a link to my Master list

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specterings · 1 year ago

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HOUNDING… cal. 19. transmasc. he/it. you can find me on twitter under the same name.

HOWLING… simon ‘ghost’ riley. john price. john ‘soap’ mactavish. kyle ‘gaz’ garrick. phillip graves. alejandro vargas. rodolfo parra. alex keller. matthew murdock. foggy nelson. frank castle. peter parker. steve rogers. bucky barnes. the winter soldier. arthur morgan. sean macguire. homelander. frenchie. billy butcher. hughie campbell. mother’s milk. jon snow. the hound. wyll ravengard. gale dekarios.

BARKING… sfw, nsfw, ftm reader and character, amab, top!reader, bottom!reader, sub!m!character, top!character, he/him &. they/them reader. pet play, primal play, water sports, character x character, platonic dynamics, fluff, angst, age gap (not illegal), feminization, a/b/o, hybrids, monsterfucking (to an extent), alternative universes, breeding, oviposition, size kink

SNARLING… fem!reader, scat, age play, underage, non-con, dub-con, snuff, bestiality, incest/stepcest, vomit, forced-anything.

COLLARING… no tag list yet.

BITING… do not flirt with me / make jokes about flirting with me, ask me to write anything it says i wont write.

PETTING… reblogging my work, sending asks, giving yourself an anon ‘name,’ asking about stuff you dont see on either list of do/do not writes, spitballing ideas in my asks, sending requests,

CLAWING… #sfw for only sfw, #n/sfw for nsfw, #cal speaks for personal posts, #cal writes for my writing, #ftm for ftm reader or character.

#PINNED.#cal speaks.

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statticscribbles · 3 years ago

Note

89 and 90 with bucky and ftm reader

89.First Time

90.Unexpected Virgin

Bucky turns away from you and shrugs off the innuendo you just made.

"You do get it right?"

"yeah it's a sex joke, just because I was brainwashed I know what those are." He snaps and you frown, he'd never seemed to get so defensive before.

"Is this bothering you, we can stop if it's, a um, trigger you know that right?"

"Not a trigger, just reminds me of the 40's..." he confesses and you nod hoping he explains more.

"I've never actually, done anything, properly... there were a few things that, happened when I was under.." He implies hydra's control and you wince. You leave your bedroom when Clint calls that the movie is set up, you frown a little, you had hoped to actually do something with Bucky tonight.

"But I've never you know..." He implies as you sit next to him throwing a blanket over both of you.

"Buck is a virgin." Steve comments not looking up from the TV. You and Tony both choke a little on your drinks. Natasha just smirks.

Send me Numbers and Characters!

#bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x male reader #bucky barnes x ftm reader #bucky barnes x trans reader #trans reader insert #trans reader #marvel reader insert #marvel request #marvel imagine #marvel #falcon and the winter solider #falcon and the winter soldier imagine #captain america imagine #captain america reader insert

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soft-for-them · 4 years ago

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husband has a real ring to it ♡ sam wilson x male reader

anon: hey so like, being sam wilson's husband (or new husband) at your wedding??? (sorry it’s a bit short...)

i haven’t specified if the male reader is cis or trans but there is a bit in here where the reader compares themself to steve, whether you see this as the reader being trans or cis is up to you.

the gif has no significance it’s just a good gif... also there is a HUGE lack of sam content out there. people get you shit together and write about my fave man. not proof read.

It is an odd time.

The country you now stand in is completely foreign to you. Nat can speak the language; you think it might me some form of Russian. If you could guess you think you might be in the Ukraine or a country that was once a part of Soviet Union.

None of the on the run Avengers will tell you exactly where you are for you safety but you don’t care.

All you care about right now is the blazer you just tried on is too wide at the shoulders.

Even Steve says the shoulders of the jet black jacket are too wide even for him and that saying something coming from a man who was artificially made to be the spitting image of masculinity and heroism.

Sometimes you do get jealous of the super soldier and how he came to be.

Once a skinny and short kid now the second most handsome man you’ve ever seen, sometimes you think ‘if only i was as strong as Steve and not a useless civilian’.

Thought if anyone hears your negative thoughts in this small, cramped room off the side of a small abandoned church you would be done for.

Natasha, Wanda, Steve and Sam have always loved you and they don’t tolerate your pessimism at all. None of them will take your self-loathing especially on this very day.

But that’s the thing, you’re not self-loathing today. You push away any non-happy thoughts and put on a genuine smile.

It may not be official in the eyes of the law for your other half is a wanted war criminal but your getting married to your long time boyfriend Sam Wilson today and nothing will stop you from doing so. You have both promised that he will properly marry you but for now you have agreed to exchanging rings.

‘Where did you find this place?’ you ask Nat as she takes you too big blazer from you.

The place is completely and utterly abandoned in the middle of nowhere. Plants have caved in apart of the roof but the stained glass still absorbs and reflects light making the rotten pews look like the seats of a king.

‘I knew you might not want to get married in a church but this is the safest place I could find, that with the fact this is no longer a place of worship.’ She walks over to you and tucks a handkerchief into your white dress shirt pocket.

Regardless of if your religious or not you know this place is a perfectly acceptable place to trade rings with the man you love.

Nat looks you over and smiles, her arms wrapping themselves around you in a rare hug.

‘You look very handsome (y/n).’ she mutters.

‘Even with my beard?’ you half joke, referring to the scraggly hair growing back on your chin from shaving it off the week before for a disguise.

‘You have a better beard that Sam and Cap put together.’ Her tone is joyous but utterly serious which makes you smile grow even bigger.

You do not feel any negativity, all you feel is utter euphoria in your wedding attire.

‘You ready to go’ she whispers like a happy mother about to marry off her only son.

All you do is nod as you let her lead you out to the alter where you both wait for Sam and Cap to arrive.

Wanda sits in a front pew; she very obviously misses Vision and if it was up to you he would be here to celebrate for you had befriended the synthetic man before the ‘civil war’ happened.

But alas none of you can risk you all being found out on your unofficial wedding day.

For a moment you all wait in silence looking up the stain glass of some kind of saint.

This isn’t the place you want to get married in but you can see it’s charm even if it’s been abandoned, ransacked and left to rot.

You can imagine Steve giving Sam a prep talk, for he had given you one about an hour before.

When Steve had talked to you he seemed like a overjoyed father, even with the tears in his eyes, you’re still thankful the super soldier talked to you.

Your waiting is cut short as the side door that you and Nat had came through opens to show both Steve and Sam.

Steve walks out first, holding the door open for Sam then Sam walks out, his eyes automatically on you.

‘Ow, I though Steve was going to walk you down the aisle.’ Wanda quips to Sam despite her brooding feelings.

A short conversation goes on between Sam and Steve (probably another pep talk) but all you can focus on is Sam looking at you as he talks to Steve.

Steve pats Sam on the shoulder, which turns into a hug, then he lets him go.

Sam wears a suit very similar to yours; a simple black suit that could be found quickly and very easily without being detected by Tony or an of the American government.

The woman in the small mum and pop shop where very kind to you both despite their being a language barrier, they had helped you get the suits for a good price.

Much like you also Sam wears no blazer jacket, with you don’t mind considering you can see every muscle through the hand made white shirt.

‘Where’s your blazer?’ you ask.

He walks right out to you and holds your hands. His hands are cold but you assume it’s from standing around in a derelict church for a while.

‘It was too small in the shoulders.’ He smiles, the gap in teeth showing.

‘Ah, that could have been my blazer Sam.’ You laugh grabbing the attention of the others. You all laugh at the mishap of the mixed up blazer but that doesn’t really matter.

Wanda stands up and passes both of you the rings; one single silver band with your name carved on the inside for you and a much fancier looking ring for Sam. Despite Sam’s ring looking more expensive it’s actually very cheap.

He had quickly bought it when you were all hiding out in China, Sam had quickly realised that he had a ring for you but he didn’t have one for himself. He’s had your pure silver ring for years now waiting for the right moment to give it to you.

‘How do we actually do this?’ you whisper whilst the other sit down on the pews.

‘I don’t really know, maybe when just exchange the rings and say something.’

‘Like vows? Do we kiss?’ the questioning isn’t really that serious for the two of you are smiling like idiots.

‘Well all I can say is that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you-’ Sam begins saying as he slips the silver ring on your finger, ’-I love you my husband.”’

’Wow… husband has a real ring to it.’ You beam as look down at Sam’s hands, you fingers nimbly placing his ring on, ‘-Does this now mean I get to kiss the bride?’

Your joke not only makes yourself laugh but you can hear the laughter of the other in the background.

‘Gladly.’ Is all Sam say before holding your face and kissing you.

honestly i don’t think this is the best thing ever but i’m posting it.

i’ve been writing a lot of ftm trans reader requests today so i kind of automatically wrote the reader as trans at first. i’ve changed it so the reader can be cis or trans but i just putting that out there just in case i’ve forgotten to change something. (sorry)

also i know that many people have different types of weddings and cultures so i’ve tried to make it as ambiguous as i can, that why it’s not a technically legal wedding.

anyway, sam is the best and i would love to write more fics for him!

#sam wilson x reader #sam wilson x male reader #sam wilson x ftm reader #x male reader #x ftm reader #the falcon and the winter soldier #sam wilson

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prettybrownelf · 2 years ago

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I'm not sure if you're taking requests since I'm new to your blog, but if you are; could I humbly ask for some hate sex that turns soft with top!dom Bucky and a male reader (preferably FtM, but I'm not picky).

a/n- thank you sm for your request! sorry it took a little bit to get to, hope you enjoy!

Twin Sized Mattress

Non MLM/NBLM DNI

Pairings- Bucky Barnes x FTM Reader

Summary- Being forced to go on a mission with Bucky takes a turn when he decides you need to learn how to be respectful

Word Count- 1548

Content Warnings- Top/Dom Bucky, Description of AFAB genitalia, Hair Pulling, Fingering, Soft Bucky, Pet Names, Slight Praise, Slight Degradation

Of course, you get stuck with the fucking asshole on this mission.

You and Buck have been driving around for six hours to get to this shitty hideout. You lazily throw your duffle bag into the dusty floor as you fall into one of the shitty twin-sized mattresses on the floor. You hear the usually annoyed grunt from Bucky as he looks out the small window.

“At least no ones gonna be seeing us here.” You click your tongue as you sit up, shoving your shoes off your feet. “Obviously, no ones gonna be looking in a dump like this.” Bucky glares over at you as he sits stiffly on the other mattress. “You shouldn't be taking your things off, anyone could come in at any moment.”

The eye roll you give just seems to piss him off more as you slide your gloves off. “You just said no one would come here and now you're pissed over me taking these annoying ass clothes off.” His cold gaze does not change as he flexes his fingers. “It's to keep you protected, it's not supposed to be comfortable.” You chuckle to yourself as you lay back on the bed, desperately trying to trick yourself into thinking it isn't as hard as a rock.

“You're not the one running around in binding tape all day.” Bucky rolls his eyes as he stands up, pacing back and forth around the small room. “No but I am the one running around in metal all day, I think I've got you beat.” The ceiling isn't nearly as interesting as you wished it was as you try to tune him out. “Oh my fucking god whatever.”

Resting your eyes doesn't seem to be an option either as Bucky murmurs under his breath as he walks. Whispering to himself about ‘young and annoying new members’ and ‘he barely knows what he fucking does.'

“You know I can hear you, right asshole?” Bucky stops in his tracks to look at you. “Yeah, that's the fucking point.” “You know that just because I'm younger doesn't mean I'm not capable. Not all of us can be super soldiers from the forties.” Bucky tightens his jaw as he makes his way over to you. “You seriously need to be taught a lesson, considering you don't know how to be respectful in any way towards me.” A laugh comes out of you before you can stop it, making Bucky's eyes go dark. “Why the fuck should I respect you? All you ever do is be an asshole to me.” The way Bucky towers over you is enough to send a chill down your back. You sometimes forget he's the winter soldier.

Something is sitting in Bucky's eyes that you can't pinpoint as he bends over slightly. “I could teach you a lesson right now, that is if you want me to.” A familiar warm sensation runs throughout your body as you sit up on your forearms. “Geez if you wanted to fuck me you coulda just said so.”

Bucky rolls his eyes as he sits on the mattress with you, trapping your body between his legs. He cocks an eyebrow at your unmoving form as he slowly begins taking off his suit. “What the fuck are you looking at, take your shit off.” You giggle at his annoyed face as you slowly slip off your turtle neck. “Calm down asshole, I'm getting there.”

The smirk that forms on Bucky's lips makes your brain fog. You don't have time to hesitate on taking your pants off when Bucky moves over top of you, smashing his lips onto yours.

His lips are softer than you imagined, completely taking over every thought you had as your hands immediately shove into his hair. He groans deeply into the kiss as his hand's grip onto your waist, holding you still against the mattress. “You look so good like this.” He murmurs, snaking his hand around your throat, giving an experimental grip. The way you breathe out a moan tells him everything he needs to know as he tightens. “You're a good boy when you have a hand ‘round your throat huh?”

You can't do anything but buck your hips as you let out a small whine, silently begging him to continue. Bucky slides his hand up your chest, just missing your tape as he watches you flint at the cold contact. He finally removes his hand from your neck to let you breathe. “You gonna be a good slut for me?” You nod desperately as you reach up to grab his shoulder, only to have him smack them down. “Did I tell you to move slut?” The raspiness of his voice makes you still. “I'm sorry.” Your voice comes out as a weak murmur. Bucky grins like a wolf getting its prey as he leans back over you, resting his forehead on yours.

His hand slowly begins going down your chest, his eyes pouring into yours. The second his hand begins fumbling with your best you freeze. Your hands move before you can stop them, clasping over his wrists. “Did I tell you to fucking move!” He growls.

But something strangely soft shifts in his eyes as you look at him in the eyes. “Sorry, just instinct.” Bucky takes a moment to look at you as he brings his head down to place a gentle kiss on your lips. “Don't worry, I'll be gentle.” The way he whispers strangely calms every nerve in your body as you slowly let go of his wrists.

Bucky begins leaving small kisses on your neck as he slowly undoes your belt, smiling on your skin when he hears you whine. Unbuttoning your pants takes no time at all as he slips his hand into your underwear. He keeps his hand on top of your underwear as he begins moving his finger, waiting to hear a noise from you to hear if you're alright.

He gets his answer almost immediately as you grip his hair, lightly moaning out his name as you move your hips along with his finger. Bucky grins widely as he picks up his pace, quickly moving his hand into your underwear. His finger almost immediately circles your clit, making you jump into his body above you. The way he chuckles in your ear makes you swoon as he moves his finger to slowly push inside you.

You immediately moan out his name, your grip on his hair getting tighter as you desperately move your hips along with his motions. “Good boy.” Bucky's voice in your ear isn't helping the heat swelling in your stomach as he adds another finger, moving his pace faster and faster, his thumb moving to circle your clit again.

Your eyes roll back as you feel the knot in your stomach snap before you even realize it's happening. Bucky seems caught off guard as he removes his hand, sticking his fingers in his mouth. The sight makes you turn to mush under him.

“You want me to fuck you, pretty boy?” A nod is all you can give as Bucky begins taking his pants off. “I'm gonna need a yes baby.” Your voice is meek as you try to get your words out. “Yes please.” Bucky grins as he bends over you, “Good boy.”

Your mind goes blank when he pushes in, you can hear Bucky groans above you. You arch into his broad chest as he wraps his arm around your back. The slow feeling of him getting deeper nearly throws you over the edge again as he finally bottoms out. His robotic hand is cold against your back, sending a shiver up your spine as he slowly begins moving.

Bucky doesn't seem to realize just how fast he's going, even if it is his idea of slow. You feel your legs begin to shake as you tangle your hands in his hair, moaning his name in his ear. Bucky chuckles as he somehow gets faster, deep-voiced groans echoing in the room. “You're so loud baby, you want everyone to hear how much of a slut you are?” Even though his words are crude, you can't help but hear the softness in his voice as he holds you tighter to him.

The feeling of him getting sloppier with his thrusts tells you everything you need to know as your grip on his hair gets tighter. “I'm close.” You attempt to mutter out, grinding your hips along with his. Bucky kisses your neck as he desperately pounds into you. “Fuck, I am too.”

The shake that courses through your body is enough to make you scream, holding Bucky as close to your body as you possibly can. Bucky's thrusts finally come to a halt as you feel him cum inside you, holding himself against you as he finishes.

Deep breaths are the only sound heard in the room as he finally gets off of you, laying on the mattress next to you. “You ok?” He asks, combing a bit of your hair out of your face. You nod as you stretch out your legs, feeling your body come down from its high. “You gonna stop being a brat now?” You chuckle as you pat the top of his head. “No, I'm not.”

#male reader #x male reader #ftm reader #bucky barnes x male reader #bucky barnes x ftm reader #bottom male reader #bottom reader #bottom trans reader

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urween · 21 days ago

Text

Skittish | Bucky Barnes x ftm!reader

notes : je préfère le spécifier, la temporalité n’est pas exactement respectée. Disons que tout cela se déroule juste après Captain America : The Winter Soldier.

résumé : Après une longue bataille et surtout de dures recherches, les Avengers ont fini par retrouver la trace du Soldat de l’Hiver. Pour maintenir la sécurité de tous, ils le gardent en sécurité dans leur QG. En semi-liberté mais surtout dans un état second, Bucky Barnes attire l’attention du jeune garçon chargé de s’occuper de lui durant son séjour ici.

⚠︎ warnings : mentions de lourds traumatismes liés à la guerre et aux projets Hydra, une forme de dépressif!Bucky, violence, armes, incompréhension de la transidentité sans transphobie, mentions de pensées suicidaires.

english version here

- Description à la deuxième personne

- 5 605 mots

Tu étais le petit protégé du groupe, il l’avait vite remarqué. Même si Natasha n’avait elle non plus pas de supers pouvoirs ou de combinaison robotique, elle faisait partie de l’équipe. Elle et Clint étaient un peu les supers humains de la bande, avec des capacités surhumaines mais rien qui ne dépasse la foudre de Thor ou les muscles de Hulk. Puis, il y avait toi, un petit humain assez normal et sans spécificités particulières. Une grande intelligence, une extrême gentillesse et un sourire adorable. Mais pas de maîtrise des arts martiaux. Tu connaissais les bases des combats, Nat t’avait appris le principal. Tu avais fini par comprendre les formules chimiques extravagantes de Bruce, et tu comprenais le plus important de ce que disait Tony dans ses phases de nerd intenses. Mais encore une fois, tu n’avais rien de spécial, et ça interrogeait Bucky. Pourquoi un humain basique était ici ? Qu’est ce que tu faisais au milieu des Avengers ? Il avait beau avoir raté quelques années décisives d’un point de vue social, il ne comprenait pas.

Lorsqu’il marchait à travers le bâtiment, il tombait sur des scènes qu’il ne savait pas interpréter. Toi assistant Tony Stark et Jarvis, toi riant avec Bruce Banner, toi aidant Natasha Romanoff à s’entraîner, toi portant le bouclier de Steve Rogers jusqu’à lui, toi triant les flèches de Clint Barton, toi refaisant les tresses de Thor.

Qu’est ce que tu faisais là ?

Tu t’étais gaiement présenté à lui. Un sourire amical aux lèvres tu avais énoncé ton nom, prénom et tes pronoms – il n’avait pas vraiment compris ce dernier point –. On t’avait sûrement mis au courant de sa situation, ne te vexe pas il lui faudra un peu de temps avait-on dû te murmurer. Il ne t’avait pas répondu, et tu n’avais pas semblé vexé. Tu étais alors reparti, et il était resté perplexe. Si tu savais déjà tout de lui, pourquoi venir se présenter ? Tu avais dû lire ses dossiers, vous aviez tous dû lire ses dossiers. Steve avait dû s'éclipser pour prendre l’air, Natasha tout inspecter en détails, Bruce marmonner des “quelle horreur”. Tu avais dû lire ses dossiers. Voir sa vie exposée sur une grande table, des mains étrangères parcourant les contre rendus médicaux. Tu avais dû lire avec angoisse la liste interminable des victimes qu’il avait tuées lors de ses missions, observer les modifications qu’on lui avait fait, les traitements infligés, peines endurées. Tu avais vu tout ça. Pourquoi venir le voir ?

« Disons que je n’aime pas vraiment que tu traînes autour de ce type, déclarait depuis plusieurs minutes la voix de Tony, Jarvis copie moi ce plan et fais en une reconstitution 3D avec gares, aéroports et tout le bazard »

Les hologrammes bougèrent devant tes yeux, mais tu n’y prêtais plus attention depuis le temps. À l’époque, la première fois que tu as vu ce monde virtuel se modéliser dans le bureau de Tony tu étais comme un gamin. Des étoiles dans les yeux, tu posais milles questions à la seconde, faisant sourire le créateur de ce programme. Mais à présent tu savais toi même comment fonctionnait la plus grosse partie du système “Jarvis”, et tu n'étais plus si impressionné, ou du moins tu ne l'étais pas à chaque geste de Stark.

« Je vois pas ce qui te dérange, répondis-tu en balançant innocemment tes jambes dans le vide »

Tony se retourna avec sa gestuelle toujours aussi dramatique, faisant un vague mouvement de la main il essaya de te faire comprendre les choses sans avoir à parler. Malheureusement pour lui la télékinésie ne faisait pas partie de tes capacités.

« Très bien, s’avoua-t-il vaincu, pour commencer son bras robotique sophistiqué qui pourrait te broyer avant que tu ne puisses crier, mima-t-il avec désintéressement, puis lui-même au global, tu l’as regardé ? Instable et complètement perché »

Un sourire non camouflé dessina une courbe à travers tes lèvres.

« On parle toujours de Bucky Barnes ? T'amusas-tu, parce que j’ai plutôt l’impression que tu te regardes dans un miroir »

Tu jetas un petit coup d’œil vers Jarvis, qui finissait la demande de ton ami. Puis, ton attention partit de nouveau sur le milliardaire visiblement désespéré d'avoir cette discussion avec toi – tu finissais par avoir l’habitude, une démonstration d’amour de sa part –.

« Je préfère te couper tout de suite, continua ta voix, je t’interdis de me sortir les traditionnelles excuses dans le genre il est dangereux ou armé ou c'est un meurtrier. Tu descendis de la table où tu étais assis et montras avec des grands gestes la pièce, regarde autour de toi Tony, que des armes ou futures armes. Tu te rapprochas de lui et pointa son front du doigt, tu as la plus grande arme que l’humanité n’ait jamais connue dans cette boîte crânienne. Natasha et Clint sont des tueurs professionnels, Steve un soldat traumatisé qui se voile la face, Thor un alien avec des pouvoirs surnaturels et Bruce un scientifique hanté par un alter-ego destructeur. Tu émis une pause pour admirer l’expression faciale toujours aussi indéchiffrable de l’homme en face, vous êtes tous des meurtriers et des dangers pour l’Homme, la seule différence entre vous et Barnes est que vous avez choisi de livrer vos talents à une cause, et que lui n’a pas eu le choix »

Tony resta durant quelques longues secondes de marbre, un tourbillon sûrement en train de faire vibrer ses neurones. Puis, il haussa les épaules et inclina rapidement la tête en signe de défaite.

« Tu as raison, déclara-t-il, j’ai plus d’arguments et les tiens sont en béton, il se retourna et repartit vers Jarvis, bien joué petit »

Il y a encore un an tu aurais été perplexe face à cette réaction, mais le temps t’avait appris qu’il fallait prendre Tony Stark avait des pincettes et l'observer comme on le ferait avec un champignon étranger. Tout ce que tu pouvais retenir de cette interaction était que tu étais fatigué, que tu avais gagné contre le grand mégalo Iron Man et surtout qu’il fallait que tu parles de nouveau à Barnes.

Personne n’avait vraiment été d’accord avec Steve sur l’idée de ramener un mercenaire d’Hydra au QG des Avengers. C’est l’équivalent de lui servir sur un plateau en argent nos secrets, avait à raison dit Clint. Tu avais avec surprise vu Nat prendre la défense de Barnes, à tes côtés et ceux de Steve – bien entendu –. Puis il y avait Bruce qui ne savait pas livrer un jugement distinct, puis Tony et Clint qui étaient contre. Thor étant parti tu ne savais où dans l’espace, les votes avaient donc été clos sur un majorité de pour.

Tu avais aidé Captain a installé une chambre un minimum habitable dans une cellule de protection, un peu comme celle qui avait abrité Loki. Tandis que le grand blond portait le lit dépliable, tu t’étais occupé d’un sac de vêtements – approximativement à la taille de Barnes – et d’un autre avec de l’eau et des sucreries, cette idée venait d’ailleurs de toi. Tu trouvais injuste de qualifier cet homme de simple meurtrier, il avait été manipulé et contrôlé. Tout en posant les barres céréales sur une petite table en fer, tu avais essayé de ne pas penser au chaos qui devait au même moment se jouer dans la tête du Soldat d’hiver. Il devait être tout aussi traumatisé que ses victimes, peut-être même plus. Puis se retrouver dans un environnement aussi particulier du jour au lendemain devait être perturbant. Alors une barre en chocolat et un soda ne pouvaient pas lui faire de mal.

Merci, t’avais murmuré Steve, de comprendre. Tu lui avais rendu un sourire attendrissant, retenant l’envie de lui demander comment il se sentait. Il venait de retrouver son meilleur ami, qui était censé avoir disparu depuis plusieurs décennies, et en plus de ça cet ami avait subi des traitements inhumains durant la plus grande partie de sa vie à présent. C’était évident qu’il ne se sentait pas bien, qu’il était démuni face à cette situation. Bruce t’avait conseillé de lui laisser du temps, et que s’il avait besoin il finirait par parler à l’un d’entre vous. Tu avais écouté ses conseils, et t’étais davantage concentré sur Barnes à la place.

Tu t’étais d’abord présenté, commençant par un simple rapprochement. Tu avais ensuite fait en sorte de veiller à ses besoins, glissant une nouvelle bouteille d’eau fraîche lorsque la précédente était vide, lui ouvrant sa prison seulement quand la nuit tombait pour qu’il puisse aller se doucher sans croiser un Tony méprisant ou un Steve déprimé. À ce propos, des règles avaient été instaurées pour garantir la sécurité de tous. Si Bucky quittait sa cellule s’était toujours en compagnie de l’un de vous – vous étiez d’ailleurs les seuls à avoir les pass –, s’il demandait quelque chose – ce qu’il ne faisait jamais – l’objet devait passer plusieurs portails de contrôle avant de lui être remis, et enfin peu importe où il allait, toilettes ou douches, quelqu’un devait le surveiller dans la limite de l’intimité. Bruce avait proposé de fonctionner à tour de rôle, mais au vu des visages des autres tu t’étais porté volontaire pour assurer la plus grande partie de ses sorties. Natasha devait te remplacer lorsque tu n’étais pas disponible, puis Tony si aucun de vous deux n'était présent. Tu avais ainsi éviter les conflits mais aussi et surtout que Steve ne doive se rendre là-bas.

Tu ne le connaissais pas, Bucky, ayant seulement vu les vidéos présentes dans son dossier, et pourtant à chaque fois que tu allais lui rendre visite ton estomac se nouait. Il n’était pas question de peur, puisque son bras robotique avait été censuré au maximum grâce à un gadget de Stark, lui laissant seulement la liberté de l'utiliser comme un membre normal, sans super-force ou arme intégrée. Il reste un super soldat, avait alerté Bruce, ses facultés physiques sont supérieures à celles de Nat et il a un sérum semblable à celui de Steve dans les veines. Mais tu n’avais pas peur. Malheureusement une chèvre aurait davantage fait frissonner que Barnes lorsque tu allais le voir. Il était comme toujours sur pause. Ne parlait jamais, bougeant à peine son regard du sol. Tu avais été malgré tout rassuré de voir qu’il mangeait le minimum syndical, et il avait même un jour goûter une barre chocolatée. Mais mis à part ces détails, c’était comme si tu voyais le même robot dans la même position, jour après jour. Ton estomac se nouait pour ces raisons, parce que lorsque tu lui apportais des draps propres il n’avait rien de l’homme que tu avais vu en vidéo. La haine qui hantait ses yeux avait disparu, il ne restait qu’un vide sans nom, et tu n’avais jamais rien vu d’aussi triste. Tu n’avais pas l’impression d’avoir un soldat d’Hydra d’une centaine d’années en face de toi, mais un orphelin brisé.

Tu passais beaucoup de temps à relire son dossier, ses rapports, ses examens. Tu essayais de le comprendre à travers ces papiers. Steve était perdu, il ne voyait plus Buck dans ces yeux, et toi tu essayais de comprendre ce qu’il était devenu, Buck. D’après sa fiche personnelle, il avait été retrouvé à l’âge de vingt-six ans avant de subir les expérimentations d’Hydra. Une photo de lui, en 1943, était collée sur le papier. Un sourire timide aux lèvres, son couvre-chef d’infanterie légèrement penché sur sa tête et son uniforme sans un pli trônant fièrement sur son torse. Une larme avait gravement dévalée ta joue, finissant son chemin sur une écriture manuscrite russe : Зимний Солдат, autrement dit Soldat de l’hiver. Bruce avait effectué une tradition complète de tous les documents, par la suite corrigée par Natasha. Peut-être que relire ces textes n'était pas bon pour toi, mais tu en avais besoin. Tu étais le seul ici à t’intéresser à Barnes. Steve culpabilisait à tel point qu’il faisait une sorte de déni, Nat ne faisait qu’étudier froidement le dossier du soldat et ne parlons même pas des autres. Bucky avait besoin de temps, de compréhension et de douceur pour au moins ne pas aggraver ses séquelles. Tu devais très certainement faire des erreurs, n’étant pas psychologue de profession, mais tu faisais déjà mieux que tes camarades et qu’Hydra.

« Douce soirée pas vrai ? Résonna dans un silence de plomb ta voix »

Le soleil s’était couché depuis plus de trois heures, la plupart des Avengers étaient dans leur chambre ou partis dehors, ce qui signifiait que c’était le moment idéal pour que Barnes puisse prendre une douche. Tu avais rassemblé tes forces et t’étais rendu dans la cellule du soldat. Lorsque tu étais passé, il y a de ça environ deux heures, il n’avait pas voulu manger son repas alors tu l’avais repris et fait chauffer de nouveau pour plus tard. Le plat chaud donc d’une main, tu refermas avec précaution la porte en verre blindé derrière toi. Comme tu t’y attendais, Barnes n’avait presque pas bougé depuis ta dernière visite. Toujours assis en tailleur dans son lit, il semblait vaguement remarqué ta présence.

« Je sais que tu ne voulais pas manger tout à l’heure, commenças-tu en déposant le repas à côté de lui, mais je me suis dit qu’entre temps l’appétit t’était peut-être revenu »

Tu avais parfois le droit en guise de réponse à un petit “hum” rauque provenant du fond de sa gorge, mais tu te demandais si c’était volontaire tant sa gestuelle ne collait pas avec ce léger signe de vie. Malheureusement ce soir ne faisait pas partie de ce “parfois”. Pas de bruit, à peine un souffle. Mais tu ne te décourageas pas.

Les premières fois que tu étais venu lui parler, son manque complet de réaction t’avait interrogé sur sa possible compréhension de ta langue. Pourtant tu avais lu qu’il lisait et parlait au minimum deux langues, dont la tienne. Si ça se trouve tu comprends pas ce que je te raconte, avais-tu marmonné tout en ramassant ses vêtements usagés. Ta plus grosse interaction avec lui s’était alors produite lorsqu’il t’avait regardé droit dans les yeux et avait prononcé d’une voix agréablement grave : Je comprends.

« Mis à part ça tu peu- »

Tu fus surpris de le voir se lever de lui-même, se dirigeant studieusement vers la porte de sortie en attendant que tu l’ouvres. C’était d’habitude toi qui allait en premier à la sortie, attendant deux ou trois secondes qu’il se lève et te rejoigne. Mais c’était une bonne surprise, ça voulait peut-être dire que son état s’améliorait.

Ton pass électromagnétique collé au tableau de bord, un petit bip retentit avant que tu ne pousses la lourde porte et fasse passer en premier Barnes. Ces questions de sécurité t’étaient obligatoires pour approcher le Soldat de l’Hiver. Le faire toujours marcher devant toi, rendre ton pass inaccessible – caché dans ta manche la plupart du temps comme Bruce te l'avait conseillé –, une arme blanche camouflée contre ta cheville en cas de problème, et tu n’étais pas censé lui parler de toi ou de l’équipe. Clint avait voulu ajouter une règle supplémentaire : ne pas lui adresser la parole sauf en cas de nécessité, pour prévenir tout risque de manipulation. Est-ce que tu l’as bien regardé ? T’étais-tu imposé dans la discussion, il n’a émis aucune opposition durant tout le processus pour le ramener ici, et puis souviens-toi de ses rapports de missions, il n’était pas un espion mais un tueur de masse, il était programmé pour parler le moins possible à ses victimes. Tony était tombé d’accord avec toi sur le sujet, rappelant le cas de Loki – encore une fois – qui était bien différent de Barnes.

Stupides règles, pensas-tu en regardant la silhouette de l’homme en face de toi avancer dans le long couloir. Si les autres le voyaient plus de cinq minutes, ils se rendraient compte qu’il ne s’agissait plus que d’une victime dans cette cellule. Ils te trouvaient tous un peu naïf et ils t’appréciaient pour ça, un éclat d’espoir au beau milieu du chaos. Pourtant tu étais de loin celui avec la meilleure perception des autres. Chaque méchant avait des arguments, bon ou mauvais tu les écoutais tous. Tu raisonnais l’équipe, les faisant sortir de leur bulle de super-héros pour leur montrer la possibilité d’un peu de légèreté.

Tu ne doutais pas des capacités du soldat Barnes, tu avais encore moins envie de te retrouver en face à face avec lui qu’avec Nat – et c’était déjà beaucoup –. Tu regardais quelquefois de nouveau les vidéos de surveillance prises le jour où Natasha et Steve l’ont combattu pour la première fois. Il était hypnotisant, dans la manière dont tous ses mouvements semblaient s’assembler avec tant de fluidité et de rapidité, la façon avec laquelle son corps réfléchissait pour lui et agissait en conséquence. Tu avais, en comparaison, la tête qui tournait après avoir fait une roulade, alors voir tout ça était stupéfiant. Bien sûr il y avait derrière ces dons d'atroces explications, tout comme pour la plupart des personnes en capacité de reproduire tout cela, mais tu ne pouvais tout de même pas t’empêcher d’analyser ces vidéos. Et puis, là dans ce couloir, tu regardais le dos de Barnes, son bras étincelant, l’étoile rouge y trônant, et tu te demandais ce qui se passait dans son esprit. Ce qu’il savait faire était inhumain, le voir en image renforçait ce sentiment. Puis on devait prendre conscience qu’il s’agissait d’un être humain, qui un jour avait été comme toi. Son mode de fonctionnement devait avoir été totalement bouleversé, déformé et détruit. On avait dû réduire en miettes ce qui avait été pour construire ce qui était à présent, c’était comme ça que ça fonctionnait. Pour s’adapter à un nouvel environnement on nous conseillait toujours d’oublier tout ce que l’on pensait savoir, tous les films le disaient. De la même manière que des platistes étaient persuadés que la Terre est plate, Barnes ne voyait plus le monde comme tu le faisais.

Comme les règles le disaient, tu rangeas discrètement ton pass dans une poche de pantalon tandis que vous arriviez à la salle de bain. De simples verrous servaient de sécurité, et c’était amplement suffisant. Personne à part toi n’avait jamais évoqué l’hypothèse que Bucky tente de mettre fin à ses jours. S’il le faisait, la salle d’eau était le meilleur endroit, c’est pourquoi un simple verrou faisait largement l’affaire pour que toi ou quelqu’un d’autre puisse défoncer la porte en cas de nécessité. Mais tu évitais de trop penser à cette issue, car à travers le peu d'interactions que tu avais eu avec lui et les réflexions que tu entretenais à son sujet, tu t’étais attaché à sa personne.

Tu ouvris le rideau de douche, sous le regard intrigué de Barnes. Chaque Avengers avait une salle d’eau avec le strict minimum dans leur chambre, mais il y avait aussi trois salles de bain plus grandes au deuxième étage. C’était les pièces pour se nettoyer en urgence lorsque l’on rentrait couvert de sang, ou Bruce s’y rendait en cas d’alerte verte par exemple. Elles étaient plus accessibles que les chambres, ce qui expliquait cette fonction. Mais ce qui rendait Bucky curieux n’était pas ça. Tu lui donnais toujours la salle numéro deux, avec un douche basique, un lavabo et des toilettes. Hors là vous vous trouviez dans la numéro une, avec une baignoire. Il détailla rapidement la pièce, légèrement plus grande et mis à part la baignoire il n’y avait rien qui différenciait de la 2. Tu avais comme toujours préalablement enlevé tous les objets sujets à être utilisés en tant qu’arme. La pile de deux serviettes propres surplombée du savon et du shampoing durs – pour éviter les risques d’ingurgitation ou d’attaque oculaire trop agressive – et le gant de toilette, étaient toujours soigneusement posés sur le rebord du lavabo. Alors pourquoi une baignoire ?

Comme si tu lisais dans ses pensées, tu te retournas d'un mouvement fluide. Tu pris le temps d’apprécier le regard expressif de Barnes – c’était tellement rare – avant de répondre à ses interrogations.

« J’ai supposé que ça devait faire des années que tu n’avais pas pris de réel bain, tu essayas d’éviter le sujet Hydra, alors je me suis dit que ça pouvait être une bonne idée ? »

Un bon nombre d’émotions passa dans le bleu de ses yeux, ne faisant qu’accentuer ton appréhension face à sa réaction. Personne n’avait dû être ne serait-ce que sympathique avec lui depuis un long moment, ce qui voulait dire qu’il allait prendre du temps avant de proprement réagir. Mais comme tu l’avais imaginé, son regard parcourut à une vitesse folle la baignoire derrière toi à la recherche d’un piège. Je ne suis pas comme eux, pensas-tu dans un pincement de cœur.

« Je sais ce que tu dois te dire, mais il n’y a pas de piège Bucky, son nom résonna plus que tu ne l’aurais imaginé, ça va être long mais crois-moi je n’essaie pas de te tuer ou de te faire du mal »

Un lourd doute sembla peser, et tu ne pus que comprendre. Ce genre de phrases, il avait dû en entendre beaucoup trop avant de finir électrocuté ou pire. Pour aider son processus, tu t’écartas et le laissa pleinement observer le lieu. Ses yeux bloquèrent plus longtemps que prévu sur le pommeau de douche, et encore une fois, tu eus des nausées en imaginant les traumatismes qui devaient se rejouer dans sa tête. En cet instant, tu repensas à la première fois que tu l’avais conduit dans une salle de bain. Il avait refusé de rentrer dans la douche, la mâchoire serrée au point que ses dents devaient le faire souffrir, il t’avait fixé avec un cocktail d’émotions indéchiffrables dans les yeux. Tu avais fini par te souvenir des traitements réservés aux Juifs dans les douches durant la Seconde Guerre Mondiale, et tu t’étais tout de suite excusé. Pardon j’aurais dû y penser, avais-tu dit avec culpabilité, si tu veux tu peux juste te laver avec le gant et l’eau du robinet, pas besoin du pommeau de douche aujourd’hui si tu n’as pas confiance. Et la situation semblait se reproduire ce soir, il avait peur que vous vouliez vous débarrasser de lui durant sa douche, ou bain en l'occurrence. Les techniques ont malheureusement évolué depuis 39-45, d’autant plus qu’il se trouvait dans le QG du plus grand ingénieur des États-Unis, ce qui voulait dire que vous auriez pû trouver bien des méthodes pour le tuer pendant sa toilette. Mais il fallait que tu trouves un moyen de le rassurer, parce que tu n’avais pas l’intention de l’exécuter en douce, et que tu voulais être sincèrement gentil.

« Peut-être que si ça te rassure je peux-, tu hésitas avant de te dire que c’était pour la bonne cause, je peux rester avec toi ? Il y a un rideau de toute façon »

Face à son expression qui tanguait de la surprise au doute, tu te sentis obligé de justifier.

« S’il y a du gaz ou une explosion, je meurs avec toi ce qui serait pas très apprécié de l’équipe, tu émis une petite pause pour jauger sa réaction, et s’il y a quoique ce soit d’autre de ménaçant tu pourras toi-même me tuer puisque je serais juste à côté. Tu brandis ensuite la clé de la pièce entre tes deux doigts, en plus de ça je nous enferme et laisse la clé sur le rebord de la baignoire, pour ne pas m’enfuir et t’enfermer derrière moi »

Tu eus la ferme impression qu’à une autre époque, Barnes aurait souri, peut-être même ri. Puis, à ta grande surprise, tu vis un semblant d’amusement dans ses yeux. Un voile presque invisible qui ne dura qu’une seconde, juste le temps pour qu’une lointaine version de lui ne prenne le dessus sur le Soldat d’Hiver. Tu ne pus empêcher ton sourire, attendant malgré tout une réaction plus concrète avant de réagir en retour.

Bucky essaya de sortir une émotion dominante du brouhaha qui se jouait dans son esprit. Tu étais définitivement différent, et il commençait à comprendre pourquoi tu avais ta place au beau milieu d’une bande de surhumains. Et même si quelqu’un qui parlait comme toi avait le profil parfait pour manipuler à un haut niveau les personnes, il se risqua à tenter sa chance.

« Je peux avoir vingt secondes seul pour me déshabiller »

Le frisson qui électrocuta tout ton corps ne passa sûrement pas inaperçu. Sa voix, son ton, donnèrent une tournure plus directrice qu’interrogative à sa question, et tu ne fis qu’hocher légèrement la tête. À ton tour, tu devins aussi silencieux que lui, trop perturbé par l’accès de réactions de sa part en si peu de temps. Tu quittas la salle de bain, poussa la porte derrière toi sans la fermer, car malgré ton choc, ton inconscient valorisa ta sécurité.

Pendant que tu attendais un quelconque signal t’autorisant à entrer dans la pièce, tu divaguas sur de nouvelles réflexions. Barnes n’avait parlé à personne d’après ce qu’on t’avait raconté. Les caméras avaient enregistré que durant le combat pour le neutraliser il avait parlé, quelques hommes d’Hydra étaient avec lui alors tu avais supposé qu’il leur donnait des ordres en russe. Natasha avait été bien trop occupée à essayer de ne pas mourir pour prêter attention à ce qu’il avait dit, mais avec du recul, tu avais envie de savoir ce qui était sorti de sa bouche ce jour-là. Tony aimait dire que le russe était une des langues les moins accueillantes au monde, mais étrangement l’entendre de Bucky te donnait envie. Peut-être que c’était sa voix comme grondante, peut-être parce que le russe avait été pendant des années sa langue “natale”.

Outre le russe, il parlait d’autres langues d’après les rapports, mais encore une fois il n’avait pas fait valoir ses talents à n’importe qui à part toi. En même temps, je suis presque le seul qu’il voit depuis son arrivée, pensas-tu. Mais il avait malgré tout eu l’occasion lorsque Bruce était venu avec toi lui rendre visite pour vérifier un branchement du tableau de bord. Il aurait aussi pu le faire depuis sa cellule, puisqu’elle était totalement transparente et qu’il pouvait voir le couloir où beaucoup de personnes passaient, il aurait pu parler. Mais il ne l’avait pas fait, et sans savoir pourquoi tu avais le sentiment qu’il ne voulait parler qu’avec toi.

Un bruit d’eau te fit presque sursauter. Tu murmuras un juron – espérant que Bucky n’ait pas entendu – avant de doucement te retourner vers la porte.

« Je peux ? Préfèras-tu demander pour éviter un drame »

Le temps qu’il réponde, tu laissas encore une fois ton esprit s'égarer. Et s’il était juste nu au milieu de la pièce ? Hydra l’avait conditionné pour qu’il perde tout sens de propriété, pour que même son corps ne lui appartienne plus, ce qu’il voulait dire que la nudité n’était plus un tabou et qu’au contraire – vu les horreurs que ces gens avaient fait – ils auraient très bien pu le forcer à rester nu pour l’humilier davantage.

« Oui, résonna vaguement sa voix »

Te préparant au pire, tu pris une grande inspiration et garda tes yeux bien haut pour éviter tout contact visuel au mauvais endroit. Mais en ouvrant la porte tu fus soulagé de voir le rideau tiré de moitié et un Bucky déjà dans l’eau. Un sentiment, que sur le moment tu comparas à celui d’un parent fier de son enfant, réchauffa ton coeur. Ce n’était peut-être pas grand-chose aux yeux du monde, mais toi tu imaginais les impressions de l’homme lorsqu’il plongea un corps devenu presque inconnu dans une eau chaude préparée pour lui, et lui seul. Confort, surprise, soulagement. Il devait se passer beaucoup de choses dans la tête du Soldat de l’Hiver.

Tu refermas la porte derrière toi, verrouillant la sortie comme prévu. Mais, tandis que tu te rapprochais afin de déposer la clé près de lui, une deuxième vague de chaleur traversa ton corps en te rendant compte de quelque chose. Il avait seulement tiré le rideau de moitié, cachant ainsi le bas de son corps mais te laissant tout le plaisir de voir à partir de son torse. Encore une fois, en d’autres mesures tu n’aurais pas trouvé la situation ��mouvante, mais plutôt cocasse. Sauf qu’il s’agit du Soldat de l’Hiver, et que toute sa communication se faisait sans la voix. Il avait laissé ses bras et son visage visibles pour qu’à ton tour, tu vois qu’il n’était pas une menace. De la même manière que tu avais trouvé une solution à son angoisse, il faisait un pas vers toi en te montrant que tu n’avais pas de raison de le craindre en ce moment.

« Merci, murmuras-tu »

Comme si tu avais peur de briser le moment, tu t’installas sans un bruit. Il n’y avait pas de chaise ici, mais le sol te convenait. Tu croisas tes jambes en tailleur tout en reposant ton dos contre la petite extension de mur collée à la baignoire. De cette façon, tu restais assez proche de lui tout en respectant une distance nécessaire pour éviter de voir le reste de son corps dénudé.

Tu oublias de vérifier l’heure, ne comptant plus les minutes d’observation que l’homme en face te laissait avant de se poser des questions.

Bucky resta une heure entière dans l’eau avant qu’elle ne commence à refroidir. Tu passas tout ton temps à détailler son visage détendu, ses yeux fermés comme s’il allait d’une seconde à l’autre s’endormir. Puis lorsqu’il rouvrit ses paupières, il te regarda à son tour quelques secondes, avant de te demander s’il pouvait sortir du bain. À sa phrase, la réalité te percuta de nouveau et tu eus une envie folle de lui dire qu’il était libre, qu’il n’avait plus d’ordres à recevoir. Tu eus envie de lui faire voir le monde, de lui faire goûter une glace à la vanille, de lui faire sentir l’odeur de l’encens dans les églises, du gras des triples burgers. Tu eus le besoin de le voir acheter avec son propre argent, l’aider à se relever de ses premières chutes. Lorsqu’il t’avait regardé avec ses grands yeux bleus, attendant ton autorisation pour sortir d’un bain, tu eus envie de lui demander pardon, au nom de l’humanité. De lui promettre que personne ne viendrait le frapper, promettre à ce petit garçon que rien ne lui arriverait, qu’il pourra vivre une vie sereine et heureuse auprès de ses amis et de sa famille. Mais en regardant la peau vive de son épaule gauche, en regardant l’arme qui était implantée dans son corps, tu sentis ton ventre se retourner. Personne n’avait été là pour protéger cet enfant de Brooklyn, aucune des personnes lui ayant fait ça n’a ne serait-ce qu’eu pitié de cet homme. Et aujourd’hui il dormait dans une cellule capable de résister à la force de Hulk.

« Tu peux sortir du bain, se brisa ta voix »

Il obéit, faisant rouler les muscles surhumains de son corps pour se redresser. Tu ne bougeas presque pas, étant à ton tour trop loin dans tes pensées pour avoir l’idée de détourner ton regard de lui. Un nouveau coup fut porté à ton cœur en te rendant compte que oui, il n’avait plus de pudeur. Deux gouttes d’eau tombèrent contre ton mollet tandis qu’il attrapa la plus grande serviette de essuya sans une émotion sa peau. Le bruit rêche du tissu te fit frissonner, et alors doucement tu te levas. Il était plus grand que toi, mais ni ça ni son bras robotique ne t’empêchèrent d’attraper sa serviette humide. Son corps ne parvint pas à réagir lorsque tu passas le tissu blanc contre son bras, son visage était figé dans une expression de totalement incompréhension, face à la douceur avec laquelle la serviette entrait en contact avec sa peau.

Tu finis ta tâche, comme s’il ne s’agissait que d’un petit chiot à essuyer. Puis, tu te reculas de trois pas et planta tes yeux dans les siens. Tu lui tendis des vêtements propres, avant de reprendre la clé et de partir vers la porte.

« J’ai bien besoin d’un chocolat chaud, déclara ta voix encore cassée de larmes, et j’aimerais beaucoup le partager avec toi, Bucky »

Ta main quelque peu tremblante essuya l’humidité de tes joues, te retournant ensuite progressivement vers le soldat après avoir déverrouillé la sortie. Il s’était déjà habillé, le jogging noir tombant bas sur ses hanches. Bucky détailla ton visage, et ses sourcils se rejoingèrent dans une mine mi-confuse mi-triste. Il se rapprocha assez de toi pour que tu sentes la chaleur qu’il dégageait.

« Pas de cannelle, énonça-t-il, je crois que je n’aime pas ça »

Tu lâchas un petit rire nerveux, te disant qu’il n’y avait que toi pour te retrouver dans ces situations.

« Pas de cannelle »

Il y avait un début à tout, et lorsque tu vis – plus tard dans la soirée – de la chantilly sur les lèvres du Soldat de l’Hiver, tu pensas qu’après tout, l’enfant n’avait pas pu être sauvé mais que tu pouvais ramener l’homme à la vie.

images : Pinterest

bannières : @/strangergraphics, @/pommecita et @/thecutestgrotto

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