#willing to make so many sacrifices (not seeing his face) when I know he is COOKING somewhere in LA or MK or London or Faenza or Perth or whe | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

allmightluver · 4 months ago

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@hhbluedynamite I’m going to make separate post here to address this. Tumblr mobile is a pain and I can’t add all picture examples I want to it here goes.

This has been a debate ever since My Hero came out,

“Why are All Mights eyes black?”

There’s been multiple explanations from how his borrowed quirk works to simply his own emaciated state. I’ve come up with my own theory. It’s said the eyes are the windows to the soul. I believe All Might’s eyes grow darker the more “weight” he carries.

For example,

When All Might was a kid, his eyes were normal. White. After losing his family, rendering him an orphan, white. Even after losing Nana, still he looked normal.

And after first releasing to the public.

This is because although he’d already been thru hell and back emotionally, he’s still normal. Even with his quirk.

Then, after he’d been in the game a while, they suddenly darkened.

Why?

Because by that time, the full gravity of his position, his responsibility and the realization he was essentially alone in that place, had fully sunk in.

Because he was so over powered above everyone else, everyone including the heroes left him to take care of almost everything they felt was too hard. And because he’s a selfless person at heart without a care to his own safety, he willingly allowed it to happen without asking for help. He didn’t want to risk losing anyone else. Which is also why he didn’t take on any sidekicks.

Until Nighteye.

Vigilantes showed us Toshinori when he wasn’t being All Might. And his eyes turn back into white in his more relaxed form, albeit with tired lines beneath them. However this is when he had Nighteye to count on. And Nighteye can see the future, so perhaps he would be safe, right? Well we know what happened there.

After he and Nighteye break up go their separate ways, we never see Toshinori with white eyes again. (Unless I’m forgetting so please tell me if I am). Now he’s injured, only a handful of people to trust, and none can truly understand what he’s going through. At this time he truly is alone, and the one thing that gives him joy is slowly but surely being fizzled out within him.

All Might’s eyes continued to remain black for years. Even after giving his quirk to Izuku. He still felt the weight of the world on his shoulders because he feared for Izuku’s safety. Blamed himself for every scar and Injury the boy suffered thru. Even though he was retired, nothing had changed. In fact it was worse now, because he could do nothing to help anymore.

And then he gains support items to face AFO for the last time. He’s a distraction, a willing sacrifice to slow the monster down, and he couldn’t be happier. We see the whites of his for the first time. All through the fight we see them, shaded albeit, but they’re there.

When he speaks to Nighteye asking if this isn’t the place he was meant to die, Nighteye confirms that it is. The fact that he’s still alive makes him raise the question, why is he still here then? I’m the mentor, Izuku is a ready and worthy apprentice. He doesn’t need me anymore. I’m supposed to be dead by now. His eyes seem darker here, as if the weight and his own depression have increased again. Perhaps begrudgingly accepting his fate.

But then here after Nighteye tells him he reads too many comic books, and that there’s no way he would go out that way, we get a closer look. Although his eyes are still shrouded in black because of his emaciated state. His eyes themselves are clearer, brighter. Even if Nighteye is only in his head, his words are still bringing him hope deep down.

While being tended to medically, his eyes are dark again, though I believe this is mainly due to him barely being alive and conscious at this point. And they’re still white, more than we’re used to seeing.

Finally after the war while they’re recovering, his eyes remain white, though they’re still shaded. The weight is still present. His work isn’t done yet. Izuku is losing his quirk, and he still feels like a failure in some sense because of that. Also because he and Bakugo almost died. And because of everyone who did die in the war all because he failed to stop AFO after three tries.

People who weren’t qualified to be heroes were even involved in this battle. And he thinks it unfair to hold such high standards when there are people who can still help, even if not at the extreme levels of the top heroes. He and Deku are proof of that!

In the last chapter several years later, we finally see Old Man Might! And his eyes-they’re so bright. ❤️

Of course they’ll always have a little shadow to them because of his sunken in appearance, but the tired lines under his eyes are gone. There’s not the black bags from pushing himself too hard, just the normal wrinkles that come with age.

This is Toshinori that’s been missing for decades. The man whose impossible weight has finally been lifted off his shoulders. He knows he can finally relax, he doesn’t have to be on alert or on call anymore. The world is safe without him.

He even found a way for Izuku to keep up his hero work with a suit similar to his own during the war (though most definitely suped up).

Finally, he can be at peace. His body, soul, and mind can finally begin to heal. He can work through all of the trauma he’s been stuffing down all of his life.

Finally, he can live.

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anadiasmount · 4 months ago

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judey thought idea -> ur in the blink of leaving ur bf after he repeatedly treats u wrong, though jude is madly inlove with u and will do anything for u to leave him… xx

“let me guess… he didn’t show up,” you look from your phone seeing jude approaching where you were sat on your phone. jude could see from afar that you had been arguing since due to the aggressive typing and sighs you let out at times. your face with a small frown as you read over the texts you received.

“uhh no. he was busy with work,” you lie offering a smile that jude didn’t believe.

jude scoffed inwardly, scratching his brow before walking and sitting where you were. “everyone is asking for you,” he trailed, seeing how your eyes avoided his gaze and looked towards your group of friends, laughing and talking. the void and guilty feeling resting in your stomach. thinking how the evening was meant to be cheery yet here you were discussing with your boyfriend who didn’t seem to care an ounce about you.

he began the stupid argument, gaslighting into thinking you were not spending time with him and prioritizing your friends rather than him, which was opposite. you begged him over and over to try and see your side, to make time for you, to give you at least attention and love like he once promised. yet all you got from him was being pushed away and force to hide the sadness you felt.

“why are you still with him, y/n…” jude asked softly, grabbing your hand so you could pay attention. this wasn’t new, it was a frequent talk you got tired of, everyone had said to leave him, and it was starting to get to that point. you shrugged your shoulders, looking down to fidget with your rings as you tried to find the correct words to respond. “i’m starting to ask myself that question more often these days,” you crack a smile yet all you could feel was the pang of guilt.

“y/n look at me darling,” jude shifted to you, yet you shook your head and stood up, fixing your clothes and bringing your purse closer to you. “sorry jude, let’s just go back i don’t want to make the night about myself,” you offered yet jude refused, dragging you to a quiet area behind the restaurant. a cozy area where some lights hanged and plants covered some corners. “you can’t keep hurting yourself like this. it’s not fair you feel this way while he loves his life carelessly, acting like you don’t exist!” jude expressed.

“you don’t know him jude-”

“i know him well enough to say what i’m saying. when has he ever tried to get to know us? to put the sacrifices to make you happy? to show and express his love for you? all he knows how to do is hurt you! he manipulates you and you fall for it,” he continued making your waterline brim with tears.

“you think i don’t know, jude!”

“no, i don’t! because look where we are… look at how he treats you… is that really what you want? to live your life miserable with a guy like him? to keep wasting your time on a guy who constantly succeeds into hurting you? he’s not even man enough to face his own fears,” jude lifted your chin, seeing your tear stained face, wiping the small tear from your cheek. you hated crying and feeling this vulnerable infront of people. the hurt in your chest gradually growing as jude’s words kept sinking in.

“why don’t you leave him?”

“it’s not that easy…”

“it is y/n… he’s giving you so many reason yet you still stick with him. you deserve so much more than that. you deserved to be treated and spoiled correctly. not settle for the bare minimum and type of person who will only bring you down. you need someone who’s willing to make those sacrifices to treat you happy and be there for you. a man who’s not afraid of commitment or to show his true appreciation and love toward you. he’s not that…” jude said, feeling the rage rise in his veins at the tortured sight of you.

“you sure seem to know what i need… there’s no like that anywhere i go-”

“that’s where your wrong,” jude had enough. it was no or never. he didn’t care whether this would turn out good or bad. he had to let his feelings out onto the table, to be real and make you see he was her all along. so many months of holding it, holding in the feelings he had just for you. hiding the jealousy he felt to see you with him, the pain when you felt when you were sad and upset, the happiness that shined bright when you spoke amongst yourself quietly.

why on earth were you still with him when he was right there? jude was willing to move heaven and earth to keep you safe, to protect you from him, to shower you with unconditional love and dedication because he wanted and needed to. he hated your boyfriend, he had never felt this way towards a person since it was such a heavy and cruel word. but there was no denying how much he despises a man like him. for his incapability to treat you the way he does.

“what do you mean? what are you trying to say jude?” you sniffled, brows drawn in as you observed jude’s nervous state. “i can be that man… the one you so highly dream about… i’m right here y/n…” jude swallowed the bubble of anxiety as he saw your face contort into surprise and confusion. “there’s only so much i can feel but i know that what i feel for you isn’t a game. it’s so real and powerful…”

was it bad that you got nervous and shy all of the sudden? that now as you stared into his eyes, you could feel butterflies in your tummy swarm around? that his words instead of scaring you, drew you in and wondered for me?

“what? you like me?” you asked in disbelief.

“like? no y/n, more like love you… i have for so long… since we first met, at the bonfire, when we did volunteer work at the school you teach in, when you showed me your sacred spot, when we had cooked and you taught me your famous pasta recipe? it kills me that you’re not mine… that you’re with someone who isn’t me…”

“i-i”

“leave him y/n. you’re much better with out him, let me at least show you what you mean to me…” jude pleaded, your bodies drawing in closer. you felt the air change, the curiosity of trying what seemed impossible growing intensely as you close the space, your back hitting the wall. “jude, we can’t… i’m still with him,” you betray him and yourself, knowing that despite circumstances you couldn’t be unfaithful. no one deserve to go through that. “please y/n…” jude kissed the corner of your mouth, the temptation more than ever for you to close the space.

“give me some time… you deserve it, i promise i’ll do something about it, i will talk to him,” your hand rested in his jaw feeling how he relaxed in your hold, jude’s eyes fluttered shut.

“do something about what? what the fuck is going on here?” your boyfriend appeared.

#judey thoughts 5️⃣#jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham blurb

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rey-jake-therapist · 6 days ago

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Honestly the more I see Adar presented as an anti hero who never was really evil, the more I love Sauron for being an unwhitewashable, hot little shit. My man's irredeemably evil, unfixable, when he's got a chance to do good he chooses evil EACH TIME, he's totally delusional into believing he's actually doing something good even when the truth is thrown at his ridiculously pretty face. When the she-Elf he loves in the most twisted way you can think of rejects him twice he reacts by being petty and cruel, he murders the one man who could have become his friend if he hadn't spent the entire time lying and manipulating him and the people who trusted him, etc etc ...

There's no headcanon, no mental gymnastics that can be done to make him less of an horrible person than he is. It's "take it or or leave it" because there's no way to bend canon to make Sauron "not a villain" here. Not after he tortured and murdered Celebrimbor, anyway. And it's very cool because I get very much tired of the trope of the "not really a villain" who's somehow not really evil, who even gets his redemption but is still killed off at the end because "he did too much evil to deserve to live". I mean make up your minds writers, the guy's evil or he is not ??

And while he's evil and basically unredeemable because he'll never make the right choice, he's still a complex, multi layered character and not a twirling mustache villain who just does evil shit for no reason. He was given the opportunity to take the right path and refused it multiple times, but we STILL saw him consider it and that's what makes him so fascinating : that he doesn't just straight out reject it. He actually doesn't think he does. He wants to heal Middle Earth ! Yeah sure many innocent people will die but it's a sacrifice he's willing to make, for you know, the greater good 🙃

That's him that's Sauron, he's evil, he's unredeemable, he will get even worse and I love him for that 😍

#sauron #Annatar #Trop #The rings of power

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qin-qin16 · 6 months ago

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SWEET SWEET LOVE

Summary: book tropes with Cross, Error and Ink!

cw.: 0.6 k content: sfw, short headcanons, hurt/comfort, everyone gets a happy ending… unless?, depressive thoughts in Error’s part, but nothing extreme! note: i really don’t know how to end headcanons, but have fun anyway! Error's part was inspired by this post!

Cross - you fell first, he fell harder + dog poetry

You always compared Cross to a dog, one of those who trust in nothing and no one;

They bark, they bite, they hurt anyone who crosses their path. No one wants to get close to a dog like that;

However, you began to see more than just that wild layer that Cross seemed to want to display. Behind all that anger, all that hatred towards everything and everyone, the deep envy of happy worlds, you managed to see the pain, the fear of never being able to live happily again after so many sacrifices;

And, just like a dog, Cross just needed to learn to trust again, and of course, you were willing to be the one to teach him;

Both of you had to be patient—and you also had to be very understanding during Cross's outbursts of feelings or the moments when he wanted to be alone;

It wasn't easy, but God, how worth it it was after all this time;

As you like to say: you fell in love first, but Cross fell harder in love;

It was like having a poorly trained guard dog: he would do anything to protect you. Bites, growls, endless fights if it meant your safety;

He wouldn't lose you, not like he lost everyone else;

And if not losing you meant acting like a dog, he would act.

Error - Soulmates + second chance

Before Error became, well, Error, you knew him as Sans;

Souls intertwined across different multiverses, but after a long time, they managed to find each other again — even after Sans' death and his afterlife state (Geno);

For a long time, you lived like this: a love between a ghost and a living, souls that should not have been separated by death;

However, something changed. Overnight, he simply disappeared;

No more gentle touches, no more whispered promises before sleep, no more starry nights where only the two of you were witnesses to your love;

Any mere memory of him was like digging a hole deeper and deeper, a hole that, no matter how much you dug, seemed to have no end;

So, was this what it was like to lose a soulmate?

But even as this emptiness consumed you more and more, something deep within your SOUL would not let you give up, an unknown determination that refused to let you believe Sans had vanished forever;

And your SOUL was right... well, partly right;

Sans was indeed alive, but no longer as Sans;

Again, something happened, and now you found yourself facing Error who, with great insistence, claims to be your former boyfriend;

And even though your SOUL was telling you that yes, that was the Sans you knew, are you willing to give it a second chance?

Whether he knows your answer or not, Error would not lose you again.

Ink - Enemies to friends

Your first impression of Ink was far from pleasant;

The disgust you felt for him at the moment was only surpassed by anger when he vomited black ink on your new shoes — and to top it off, he barely apologized, just turned and vanished behind another ink stain;

Obviously, a presence as striking as Ink's wouldn't be easily forgotten by you, and sure enough, when he appeared in front of you again, you wanted to make him eat those same shoes (now permanently stained with ink);

But to your surprise, he had returned to learn more about your universe (something he would explain much later what it meant);

As much as you detested the idea of serving as a tour guide for someone like him, an airhead who had no consideration for anyone, you went along with it. After all, the sooner you started explaining how your universe worked, the sooner he would leave;

Through ups and downs, you ended up softening your heart towards Ink. Even though his lack of personal space sometimes irritated you, you could see a certain fascination in him every time he talked about universes and art, and whether you liked it or not, you also felt sorry for him for not having a soul;

And like a great (new) friend, he even promised to take you to other universes to explore and have fun — what could possibly go wrong?

#undertale #sans #sans x reader #character x reader #cross sans #cross x reader #error x reader #ink x reader #error sans #ink sans #sans x y/n #qinqin stuff 💖

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greenandhazy · 7 months ago

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okay but it's the fact that CQL is in large part about what you would sacrifice for the people you love, and in almost every other instance in the show, that sacrifice is portrayed as, if not necessarily the Right decision, at the very least evidence of fundamental goodness. the Yunmeng trio, Wen Qing for her brother and Nie Mingjue for his (Fatal Journey counts 100%), Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen, they make difficult choices for love and that makes them Good even if it doesn't make them happy.

and then there's Jin Guangyao and Nie Huaisang. whose identities are so fundamentally wrapped up in being His Mother's Son and The Little Brother, respectively, and they are so singularly devoted to the legacy of their relative that they will continue to fight for it long after death. they will sacrifice others in a heartbeat. they will lie, they will scheme, they will cause others pain. they will endure humiliation after humiliation. they will put on a persona that makes their true selves unrecognizable even to the people who know them best. ultimately they will sacrifice their own morality, their own goodness, in a way that would probably horrify the people in whose names they make this sacrifice.

I am falling asleep and these are random disjointed thoughts but other things that drive me feral about them is:

the backstory CQL gives, Meng Yao being at the Unclean Realm for (?) a length of time, and allll the visual signifiers of a close, basically familial relationship between them

(I know fanon likes to talk about "the Nie braids" as a sect-wide thing but they ARE NOT. they are a HUAISANG AND MINGJUE AND MENG YAO THING. litcherally no other Nie disciple wears them, not even Nie Zonghui! that's so significant!)

CQL/FJ leaning hard into the suggestion of the brothers being more or less on their own, very little discussion of their parents, leaving room to lean into the idea of NMJ fulfilling a parental role as well as a brotherly one, and the parallel between him and Meng Shi being even stronger

the final flashback to Meng Yao and Meng Shi, and how it's framed to suggest that as coming from Huiasang--a cherished memory Meng Yao passed on to him?

I've seen this floated around on tumblr before, about how it's very likely that Jin Guangyao underestimated the depth of Huaisang's love for his brother, based on how his love manifests as overachieving. so that moment of revelation in the temple being not just "oh, you're the one who was behind this the whole time" but "oh, you and I have this same sickness, this same depth of feeling."

the character songs. I'm obsessed with them. the fact that Jin Guangyao's is a constant litany of questions, uncertainty, revolving around "How many people are willing to know your true face?", while the Nie brothers' song has their relationship as this unshakeable foundation, to the point that they're the only two characters represented by one vocalist. the Unclean Realm being unquestionably "a place of deep love" and the only uncertainty being "when will we see each other again?"

(...and that being answered in part by the title, the repeated use of farewell with connotations of permanence. Huaisang defying death, wanting his brother back in any form possible, while Jin Guangyao literally meets his doom because he is so concerned about earning his mother an easier time in her next life.)

mutual obsession over Nie Mingjue. Meng Yao keeping his head in his treasure room. there are lots of jokes about how LXC is left out of the get-along coffin, but can we talk about the fact that Huaisang sacrificed his moral compass, the reputation of his sect, the life of a troubled teenager, and 10+ years of his life all so he could free his brother's mutilated body from Jin Guangyao's clutches... and at the end of it all, Jin Guangyao is the one who will be with him for eternity?

in conclusion: I love them, your honor.

#nie huaisang #jin guangyao #the untamed

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unionizedwizard · 3 months ago

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tumblr user unionizedwizard certified #1 shadowbringers + g'raha overthinker reporting for duty

i HAVE been thinking about sphene being the exarch's foil. because it is a very obvious case to the point they had to pick him up from SHARLAYAN as an emergency Relevant Character and also allowed him to come with us to living memory (you know it's about to get serious when they let him go anywhere with the wol)

so, obviously. both sphene and g'raha (as the exarch) were thrust into a horrific nightmarish situation where they were put in charge of a entire city/state facing an umbral calamity. both care deeply about the people they're trying to protect - their people. both have undergone (willingly or not) heretofore unknown scientific operations that irreversibly changed them, using cutting-edge technology, making them immortal and fusing them with an immensely powerful reservoir of aetheric energy, all in the name of duty and preserving hope for the future; both have become a symbol rather than a person. the alexandrians needed their queen, whose mere presence stopped them from succumbing to despair; the people from novrandt forced the exarch into a similar position (even though he kept repeating he would not stand for becoming a king of any sort); himself, on behalf of the ironworks & the entirety of the post-8th umbral calamity survivors, was willing to sacrifice himself to bring back the wol - because (and this is the really important part) of the wol's status as a symbol of hope and resilience. everyone here, the wol included, is dehumanized and worshiped and used for their good, self-sacrificial qualities, as well as their unyielding willpower.

sphene's memories were altered, muddled, to an extent that nobody really understands. the scientists who managed to create the endless are all gone, the average alexandrian forgot everything and everyone they've ever known, she herself knows she's not the "original" sphene but a copy - yet she doesn't seem to mourn this loss, and indeed i don't know to which extent she conceives of it as a loss, or a violation of her bodily autonomy (which it was! she never asked to be brought back, especially not this way, which would be a more than traumatic experience for ANYONE to go through!). in the same way, the exarch's memories encompass several timelines and realities, and he spent an entire century having to hide his identity, not being able to mention his own name, much less his purpose or homeland - i'd say this self-erasure is more than comparable with sphene's experience. not to mention that both sphene and the exarch were forced into "passive", static roles - i don't know how sphene felt about this because this is the tragedy of her character, that we don't know (and she herself doesn't know) the first thing about her, as an individual with preferences and feelings and memories.

also, this all adds up with g'raha's role in the deltascape part of ultima thule - the omicrons being, as AI mechanical soldiers, the missing link between sphene and himself. there's a pattern here, interrogating the relationship between mind, body, memory, duty, freedom and personal agency & autonomy, etc. the endless in general and sphene in particular are more than reminiscent of the omicrons on this point.

all of this to say: thinking about g'raha's gondola speech, i did not think he was talking about the scions, or even the wol. i see how this is a possible (and likely) interpretation to have, but i must confess i was surprised when i saw that this is what most people had understood. to me he was talking about the people from the First, and also the people from the 8th umbral calamity timeline, especially those with whom he'd worked for, presumably, months at a time. so many people who died after the Flood (we tend to forget that he arrived right after the Flood, in the immediate aftermath), not just because of the sin eaters but also because of the sudden and catastrophic environmental changes; all the people who could never adapt to the eternal light and, presumably, went mad (it's a real thing in real life even though night does come back eventually, so i imagine it must have been that but a lot worse in novrandt). all the people who died due to lack of medicine, because all the medicinal plants and recipes disappeared in the blink of an eye, not to mention the healers themselves; all the diseases and epidemics and interpersonal violence that arose as a consequence of the severe famine and lack of basic resources that plagued what was left of the star. and the unfathomable loss and trauma of losing millenia of culture and civilization and knowledge and biodiversity and entire families, entire tribes, cities, countries, being annihilated. g'raha has lived through this for a century, combined with the post-8th umbral calamity state of the Source. we know how much he cares for the people of the crystarium, and we only see the crystarium as a fully-developed, beautiful, and harmonious city-state; we haven't seen the century of work and planning and emergency managing and unfathomable grief and pain that went into it. in the same way, we see alexandria (and living memory) as they are now, but only glimpse a few moments of utter chaos during the alexandria dungeon.

so i'm just thinking of g'raha, seeing living memory, and being the only one among the party who truly understands. who can truly relate to sphene, and understand her. he's the only one present who has personally been through not one but two calamities, and had to deal with them on a day-to-day basis (while readying a completely crazy long-term plan). how many people that he knew, loved, wanted to protect... died of "preventable" causes during the century he was on the First, while himself was immortal - so that he could keep doing his duty, doing everything he could to save them eventually? all this happened in a manner which was truly unfair, and unfathomably evil, and - possibly the worst part - he knew this was still "the better path" (as he put it himself while trying to summon the wol). the survivor's guilt that both he and sphene must be dealing with is simply impossible to really understand, i think. we've seen the crystarium. of course he'd wish for all these unfortunate souls to endure and finally know peace and happiness. and of course, he didn't have a Living Memory, but of course he couldn't help but wonder how he'd have reacted in this situation.

and i do wish we could have had him interact with sphene, actually. it made sense that she was wuk lamat's foil and all, but i think it would have been interesting..........

#phew. LEVEL 5 SPELL: WALL OF TEXT upon ye #no choice.#dawntrail #dawntrail spoilers

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whateverisbeautiful · 3 months ago

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♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#56: The Real CRM (1.06)

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Will the real CRM please stand up? 😁 The thing I most liked about these Rick and Beale exchanges is that while Beale was peeling back the curtain on what the CRM is really about, Rick got to let Beale know about the only CRM he and I recognize - and y’all, that’s Carl, Rick, Michonne. 💅🏽😌...

Beale sees major potential in Rick as he tells him he thinks the next decade's leader might be Rick Grimes. It’s like Okafor said, even though Rick has never wanted power, it’s undeniable that he has it and is a natural-born leader. But I think this natural-born leader is very eager to retire and just be a family man and the world should finally let him. 🙏🏽

Beale notes how Rick came back to them even after so many escape attempts and even despite having had the perfect out because they thought he was dead. They cut to several moments of Rick during his time in the CRM and then Beale says that Rick has become a powerful story that they can essentially parade around to others to convince them of why the CRM is the answer.

Even saying that is so detached and reductive - treating Rick as not a person but a persuasive story.

gif cred: @taiturner

Beale talks about how he and Okafor have sacrificed and he says Rick has already sacrificed too as he holds up his prosthetic, a reminder of Rick's willingness to sacrifice his own hand for his family.

Then Beale gets personal yet still seems so detached as he asks, “Who’s the person closest to you who’s died in all of this?” And Andy’s acting is so good as he pauses for a moment and then says, “My son.” I could shed several tears from those two words alone. 🥺

One; I love how often Carl was acknowledged in TOWL. He’s so impactful to Rick and Michonne so it’s only right. And the way Rick says 'my son' here, it's viscerally evident how personal this is to him. I love how there’s this vulnerability to the way he says it while also trying to keep a guard up.

Rick somberly says, “He’s who I saved tearing out that man’s throat.” Because truly there isn’t anything Rick wouldn’t do for Carl. 😭 And the pain on Rick's face when he says this hits hard. It's like you can visibly see him mentally returning to two extremely heavy moments from his past - the night he killed those Claimers to save Carl and the night he lost Carl in Alexandria.

And then, despite the fact that this is clearly an extremely hard loss and not easy to talk about, Beale seems like he doesn’t have a heart with his insensitive response.

Beale says, “But you couldn’t save him in the end.” And him disrespecting Rick and Carl had me wanting to swing on the Major General tbh. 🥊

After Beale's unfeeling remark, they show a quick clip of Rick and Michonne standing at Carl’s grave. 💔 Then Rick shakes his head and somberly answers, “No.” Which is just 🥺🥺🥺.

A big element of the pain of this is that, before Carl passed, Rick viewed the weighted act of killing a man with his teeth as an act that kept Carl alive. But now, when he thinks about that moment he also has to think about how Carl still didn't make it, even despite what Rick was willing to do to protect him. 😞

I guess normally this would be an effective tactic from Beale. He gets the soldiers thinking about the person they most loved and lost and how they couldn’t save them, convincing them that committing to the CRM would be a way to prevent those losses and that pain from ever happening again.

But fortunately, after some heart-to-hearts in a crumbling apartment with Michonne, Rick is no longer susceptible to thinking the CRM can’t be beat so they must be joined.

Beale says, “What if I told you, you would never have to suffer that kind of loss again, that wherever you were running to, whoever you were running to…you could keep them safe, you could bring them to us?” For some reason, I doubt the sincerity of this offer.

And it seems Rick isn't buying it either. Plus, even if it was a legit offer, Rick would never just be content with keeping his people safe while the CRM exterminates mass amounts of other innocent people.

When Beale says, “Family, friends, a love…I don’t give a damn.” the not giving a damn part is clear. You can tell Beale has been so far removed from having people he loves for a long while.

Somewhat adjacent to a mindset that Rick nearly adopted before Michonne helped him return to himself, Beale thinks protecting people is a sufficient replacement for loving people.

Beale says he’ll spare the people Rick loves because he’s willing to take that chance on him. Rick continues to hang onto his knife under the table and Beale can’t tell that he has an increasingly feral Rick in front of him.

Like the way Rick looks at Beale...it was clear that the Major General was about to meet Red Machete Rick real soon. 👌🏽

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Beale goes on to tell Rick about how “The Next World will begin” and my extra self just liked hearing the title of Richonne’s s6 canon episode in TOWL lol. 😊

The time finally comes for Rick to swear on the sword and then we’re brought back to the moment in ep 1 when Beale wanted to ask a question and get the answer by looking in Rick eyes. And then here in the finale, Beale also gets an answer from Rick’s eyes because rather than swear on the sword and 'not let it take' like Okafor advised, Rick refuses to swear on the sword at all.

Rick's done playing along. So after they show a series of clips of Rick and Michonne taking down opponents in TWD, Beale quickly realizes that he’s got the wrong one as Rick’s expression shifts. He can tell Rick is very clearly in kill mode as Beale then grabs his weapon and says, “No.” But it’s too late.

gif cred: @coltseavrs

Rick chuck’s his knife at Beale and slides across the desk to tackle him down. 👏🏽

Beale and Rick get into some hand-to-hand combat, with Rick’s prosthetic again shielding him from getting cut up when Beale swings his sword. Beale wants to know why Rick came back if he hadn’t really conformed. Rick doesn’t believe the world is gonna end and Beale says the world won’t but he’s trying to make sure that the human race doesn’t end.

When Rick gets a hold of Beale’s sword he plunges it right through Beale’s hand and Beale’s first response is one of regret that he trusted Okafor enough to give Rick a chance. Cuz clearly that didn't work out too well for Mister Beale. 🙂

And then, after Beale’s long speeches and disrespect throughout this ep, it was finally Rick’s turn to speak. 😌

gif cred: @nobleriver

Rick lets Beale know, “I never lost my son. I lost myself. He brought me back.” 😭 I love how Rick now knows his son was always with him, even when he thought he lost him. And even after losing himself, his son was still able to bring him back.

Carl brought Rick back so many times as he lived and it’s heartwarming to know he continues to do that from the other side.

gif cred: @nobleriver

And then y’all already know I am beyond here for the fact that Rick then says, “My wife brought me back.” The way he puts that emphasis on “my wife.” 🔥 Oh he meant this. 💯

And you know it probably felt extra great for Rick to now be able to say 'my wife' knowing he's finally been able to give Michonne a ring like he wanted. 💍😌

gif cred: @machonnes

Hearing Rick call Michonne his wife will always be music to my ears. And I love that he can't help but say it with so much passion each time. 😊

And once again Rick has a perfect track record of giving Michonne her flowers. He knows the reason he’s here, and back to being himself, and fighting this fight, is because of his wife. Fighting for him, believing in him, and bringing him back are some of the many ways Michonne saved Rick's life.

I love the way this connects back to Michonne telling Carl that he and Rick brought her back in their heartfelt season 4 finale scene. Carl, Rick, and Michonne all brought each other back. 😭

(And little does Beale know that the wife Rick’s talking about is one Consignee Bethune. Looks like Beale was right to have her on his radar. 😋)

Rick says, “We’re the sword that kills. We’re the sword that gives life. One life. One unstoppable life.” I like that Rick gets to tell Beale this after the CRM thought they were the only answer.

gif cred: @likeafantasy

Again, he’s letting Beale know who the real C.R.M is and it was moving to see Rick doing this in the name of Carl and Michonne. His son and wife. He represented the Golden Trio well here. 🥹

(And I know some people wanted/expected TOWL to be super focused on CRM content. But the way I see it - it was.👌🏽 Because Carl, Rick, & Michonne sure got a whole lot of focus. 😌)

Rick's final scene with Beale made it ultra clear that Michonne and Carl give Rick so much strength. They did back then and they still do years later. His wife and kids are why he fights. 👌🏽

And I like that Rick reframed Beale’s mantra to see that it’s the people you love who really are the ones who give life. Hearing Rick say “one unstoppable life” also made me think about how he mentioned in the TWD series finale that Michonne showed him that they’re one unstoppable life.

And that’s why they don’t have to succumb to the doomsday fear of the world ending again because, as this apocalypse has shown, - their one unstoppable life doesn’t end even when the world does.

gif cred: @likeafantasy

Then Rick concludes by saying, “We’re not dead…You are.” as he, in a bit of poetic irony, kills Beale with his own sword. It’s nice hearing Rick declare “We’re not dead” having lived the last few years feeling like a dead man. The real Rick is alive and well now. 🙌🏽

And the real Rick is also a little crazy, but that’s how it’s always been and we love him for it. 😌

Also, the snarl with that delivery.👏🏽❤️‍🔥 Rick can be at his most feral and every time I'm still just like...

Killing the CRM’s most powerful leader right here and now certainly qualifies as putting a major wrench in Richonne's plan, and so Rick has to quickly cover his tracks by telling Pearl that Beale went to the woods alone.

gif cred: @andy-clutterbuck

Then he sees a crate and gets an idea on how to remove the body which leads to another elevator scene. And while that lovely elevator scene in episode 4 was lighthearted and steamy, this next elevator scene is pure suspense. 😨👌🏽

#richonne #towl #reveling in richonne #1.06 #RIR (56)#the ones who live #twd towl #michonne grimes #rick grimes #rick x michonne #twol #michonne #rick and michonne #twd: the ones who live #twd #richonnefandom

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sleepsunawareof · 1 year ago

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Well like many, the Loki S2 finale has me still reeling and I have had this little drabble on my brain and had to get it out. I am not really a writer, I've not written a fic since I was a teenager probably lol so be easy on me but alas, I hope this is enjoyed by those who also just couldn't bear the thought of Loki being alone at the end of time forever.

Description: Loki uses his time slipping abilities to talk to you one last time before making the decision he knows he has to in order to save those he loves. But, you aren't so willing to let him condemn himself to an eternity alone, or yourself to a lifetime without him.

Word Count: 1367

Warnings: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVENT SEEN LOKI S2 EP6!! Angst, sadness, happy ending mostly

••••••••••••••

"How are you doing this?", you asked as you watched strands of space and time float around you and Loki throughout A.D Doug's workshop.

"We're outside of time. Darling, I had to see you. I had to speak to you." Loki said, a sorrowful look on his face that you had never seen before. "The Loom, it was a failsafe all along. And no amount of scaling can account for infinite timelines. I thought we had it, I really did", he explained.

"Damnit, we should have known it would be...", you lamented.

"I spent centuries trying to figure it out, and it was all for nothing."

"Centuries?" you questioned.

"It's hard to explain" he responded. "Darling, there are only two options. Go back and kill Sylvie before she kills He Who Remains and allow the Sacred Timeline to continue--"

You cut him off. "You can't Loki! The Sacred Timeline is full of misery, injustice, and sadness - what the TVA stood for under He Who Remains was all wrong! We can't go back to that. And you know you could never kill Sylvie...not after everything we have all been through together."

"I know...", he said, a sad knowing in his voice and his eyes. "But there is one other way."

"And what's that?"

"Me".

"What? You? I don't understand Loki..." you said cautiously.

"The finite power of a machine can never handle the infinite timelines of a multiverse, but the infinite power of a God can", he said as he watched your face intently for any hint of reaction.

It took a moment as you stared at him, blinking. "Do you mean..." you questioned, as the realization of what he was saying started to set in.

"Yes, my love. Believe me, if there was any other way, I swear I would take it. But there isn't. I know what kind of God I need to be, for you, for all of us. It's the only way."

"Loki, if this is what you have to do, then please, take me with you at least!" you implored.

"My darling y/n, you know I can not do that. I must bear this burden alone, and you must go live your life on the timeline, the one you deserve to have. I could never condemn you to an eternity of solitude at the End of Time", he said sorrowfully.

"But you'll condemn me to a life of solitude on Earth? Loki, I can't live without you. There's no life for me down there if it's not with you! Please, as long as our friends are happy, and I'm with you, that's all I'll need. Please let me go with you!". The last part came out as a sob as your emotions got the best of you. You couldn't believe what he was talking about doing, the sacrifice he planned to make for the ones he loved.

"When I go back there, to that moment in time, you won't remember any of this. You won't know you said you wanted to go with me," he reminded you.

"Loki, every version of me across space and time would go with you. Even into the abyss, if that's where you have to go. I will follow you, I know I will!" you fully sobbed out as you threw your arms around him. The thought of him leaving you was killing you.

"They'll stop you if you try to follow me, you know that" he said, speaking of your friends back at the TVA.

"Then tell them not to Loki! Please, I'm begging. My place is beside you, always and forever, no matter where that place is."

And then Loki was gone and everything turned to spaghetti.

••••••••••••••

Loki slipped effortlessly back to just the right moment in the Loom control room, having been here in this moment over and over for centuries. This time though, it was different. This time, it was the last time. Loki looked over at you and his friends with a sad and knowing smile on his face. And then with one last look, he turned and ran down the stairs towards the blast doors. He knew he could keep you from following, lock the doors behind him with impenetrable magic. But he also knew that in your heart, you would never want to be without him. You would resent him forever if he left you on Earth alone.

You, Sylvie, and Mobius ran down the stairs after him immediately, but he was already through the airlock doors. The three of you watched Loki open the blast doors with his magic and start to step outside, absent of any protective suit. As you reached out to open the airlock door and go after him, Mobius pulled you back.

"Mobius, I have to go! I have to get to him!!!" you screamed.

"You can't! The temporal radiation will kill you if you open that door and go out there, you know that!"

"But it's going to kill HIM!" you cried out as you watched Loki walk out onto the walkway.

But something amazing started to happen. As the temporal energy shredded his TVA clothes away with every passing second, something else began to take it's place. Flowing dark green linen draped his form, traditional and humble shoes appeared on his feet, and a horned crown adorned his head. He looked absolutely Godlike and regal. As Loki walked closer to the Loom - this imperfect piece of machinery that took so much from so many - he lifted his hands, called upon his magic, and destroyed it in a flash of bright green and white light.

Then, there was darkness. Loki wasn't done, though. He reached out to grab a strand of time and suddenly it glowed back to life, his beautiful green magic allowing it to thrive. He grabbed another, and another. You, Mobius, and Sylvie stood silently in the airlock, watching as Loki brought the timelines back to life, one by one, gathering them in his hands. Above him, a chasm opened in the sky, revealing the End of Time. Loki looked back one last time at the 3 of you back in the airlock. He had no idea if you would really come after him like you said - but he wanted to see your face one last time if it was truly to be the last. Your eyes locked, and you knew now that the temporal energy was gone, there was no threat if you left the airlock.

"I have to go with him." you said to Mobius and Sylvie. "His worst fear is to be alone, and he is going to condemn himself to a lifetime of loneliness to save us all!" you said as you opened the door.

"Y/n, please! Stop! You don't know what you're giving yourself to." This time, it was Sylvie who pulled you back, holding your arm so you couldn't run down the walkway.

"Yes, I do. I'm giving myself to love. I'm giving myself to free will, to choice, to hope." you said.

"Sylvie, let her go," Loki called out. "It's going to be okay." he assured.

Sylvie let go of you hesitantly, and you started your walk out to Loki. When you reached him, he could not take your hand, but you took his arm. Together, you began to ascend the invisible stairs to the End of Time as he held the reanimated timelines in his hands. As you both crossed the threshold of the chasm to the End of Time, He Who Remains' throne and the ruins of his citadel came into view. Loki walked forward to the throne, the one he never wanted but was always destined to have. The timelines took on the beautiful form of a tree - Yggdrasil, the tree of life - the tree of the multiverse that Loki would tend to for eternity.

"This is where I'll have to stay forever, darling. I can never leave, never move. Tending to the timelines is my glorious purpose, my eternal burden. Are you truly willing to stay here with me?" he inquired.

"Yes, my love", you answered without hesitation.

"For all time?" He asked.

"Always".

#loki x reader #tva!loki x reader #loki x you #loki #marvel #mcu #god!loki x reader #drabble #loki drabble #loki imagine #loki season 2 #loki s2 rewrite #not canon #loki series #mcu loki

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irulaan · 1 year ago

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OPEN WOUND | CARMEN BERZATTO

— He understand the sacrifices he has to do in order to see you smile, to not disappoint you — as he has done so many times even when you don’t say. He understands those sacrifices sometimes came labeled as family gatherings.

✧ PAIRING. carmy berzatto x fem!reader

✧ WORD COUNT. 3.6k

✧ WARNINGS. anxiety and u know all of carmy’s troubles. a loving family. mommy issues/parents issues/family issues, all the issues? i just watched like 3 episodes? so ooc carmy maybe? i don’t know… kinda corny too oops. no use of y/n. english isn’t my first language, expect mistakes.

Carmy was afraid of abruptly colliding with an imaginary wall, so he stays away. He knows pain, so if he can avoid it — hell, he would.

“I don’t really know about this,” He appears in your field of view, wearing his usual clothes and a familiar concerned expression — this shouldn’t be nearly as stressful as his days inside The Beef.

You instinctively approach him, mirroring his expression. “What’s wrong? Something happened?”

He’s taken aback by your question, but he quickly understands what you mean. “Oh, no, everything it’s fine, I promise… It’s not about nor has something to do with the beef.”

And he’s naturally lying; all his current worries have their foundations in the beef or what was left of it. He’s damaged far beyond that, but you’ve learned how to read him, when to inquire, and when to remain silent.

It clicks for you when you see he’s struggling to find the words; he’s trying to devise an excuse without hurting you. You feel foolish for a moment; of course, family reunions would affect him like this.

You reach for his hand, and then his arm when he avoids your gaze, “I can tell them we’re not going if you don’t feel sure about it,” You offer, and you can almost hear how the conversation unfolds inside his head, how his engines try to maintain a semblance of calm. “I was nervous too when I got to meet your chefs…”

“It’s different,” He deadpans, and you smile, resting your hand on his shoulder, trying not to appear too concerned by playing with a single curl of his rather messy hair.

He looks at you when you let slip out a nervous laugh. “How so? You call your meetings’ family’; that says a lot.”

There’s a beat of silence, and he withdraws from your touch. “But it is not quite real… and it’s still non-functional.”

“What are you afraid of, Carmy?” You stand there, feeling your stomach drops by seeing him like this over something that feels so different for you. “My family’s going to love you, I’m sure.”

He shook his head, his face already getting that characteristic light red tint.

“Making a bad impression? They’ll realize you’re wasting your time” His beautiful eyes refused to stare at you in such moments. He’s afraid someday, somehow, you’ll unleash your anger on him because he’s just a depressed, over-thinker, anxious guy. “I know how family meetings work… It will be a mess—I won’t be able to go through it…”

“What—what do you mean? Wasting my time?” Your incredibly soft voice so understanding, as if you’re deeply connected to his mind. It’s the only explanation he can think of.

He’s convinced he’s a waste of time, even now, yet you’re not getting upset; you’re not attempting to hurl accusations at him. Granted, you’ve never done that, and Carmen doesn’t truly believe you’re capable of it… but that’s how his wounded mind works.

Carmen doesn’t provide an answer, so you try to press on to reassure him. “Carmy, you’re not wasting my time—“

He looks at you amid your sentence and suddenly comprehends there are some sacrifices he’s willing to make for you. “Fuck—okay, let’s go.”

“Carmy, I’m not—“You’re visibly confused; he doesn’t seem to mind as he takes your hand.

“Please, I’m going to lose this impulse… just— I’m trying my best,”

A vast, relieved smile covers your face, and Carmen feels he’s gazing directly at the sun — and he loves it.

You cradle his face in your hands, gently making him meet your gaze.

“If you want to leave at any time, please tell me?” There’s a shy nod, and you realize it’s a futile question to ask. But you accept it.

“I love you, Carmy,” You promise, planting a gentle peck on his cheek before heading outside.

Your older sister obviously is the one who had to open the door, her and her extrovert energy, her weird-looking eyes, and her funny hairstyles. “There she is! My baby sister,” She usually crushes your bones under her sheer strength, and after it comes a shower of kisses. “Oh, god, I have missed you so much.”

And it’s good to see her this energetic and lovingly — you don’t want to cross her path when she’s pissed… and that’s her, the majority of the time.

She doesn’t understand personal space, so she doesn’t respect it. Your older sister doesn’t hesitate to give Carmy the same kind of hug. “And there you are! I’m Margot!” She exclaims, introducing herself and giving him a loud kiss on the cheek. Carmen only manages to whisper his name… “Mom, did you know that our baby sister’s boyfriend is the best chef in the world?” She shouts, ensuring everyone in the house hears her.

You gulp, and almost get whiplash from how fast your eyes look for his. He doesn’t seem comfortable at all; he’s stiff and fidgety, moving his fingers as if searching for something to hold. You offer your hand, and he wastes no time intertwining his fingers with yours.

As you step into the house, your sister closes the door and disappears into the kitchen, where you can hear your mom lightly scolding her. “Mags! You’re making him uncomfortable,” Then you’re greeted by her warm features and a soft smile that’s so similar to yours. She doesn’t even glance at you—her attention is fixed on your anxious boyfriend. “I’m sorry, child, she’s a bit like that,” she apologizes.

Carmy is enveloped in an endearing hug, the kind your mother or grandmother can only master. He suddenly wants to weep. How’s it that he didn’t deserve that warmth from his own mother?

It doesn’t last long, though. She soon wraps her arms around you, embracing you as tightly as your sister, and whispers how much she loves you. It’s characteristic of her—she’s unafraid to show her emotions.

And that’s all Carmen ever longed for.

“Where’s dad?”

She chuckles, shaking her head. “That old man forgot something… you know how he is,” she replies.”

And then, for Carmen’s well-being, another whirlwind approaches. He needs a breath of fresh air before whoever is descending the stairs arrives, ready to offer more hugs and love.

It’s your brother-in-law. Carmy’s lucky this man isn’t affectionate at all. “You’re earlier, bug,” he remarks, giving you a dry pat on the head, tousling your hair slightly. “Love, how did your baby sister do this?”

“Maybe it’s her boyfriend!” You heard Mag’s loud chuckle from the kitchen.

“Thank you, Carmen, for turning her into a punctual person, for god’s sake!” They shake hands. You observe your brother-in-law nearly stifling his inclination to crack a joke or be downright abrasive. He pledged to Margot that he’d be friendly… “It must be because you’re a chef; you can’t afford to be late, right?”

Carmy suddenly becomes hyperaware of his surroundings—the quiet conversation on TV, your mother and sister laughing in the kitchen, the distant voices of kids upstairs, his sweaty palms… and the broad smile on the man before him… expecting him to say something? God, he feels like a complete freak… “Yeah, th—that’s right”.

Did you fucking stutter?

You quickly notice his unease and almost drag him away from the man. “Mom, do you need help?”

“Baby? Your nieces are upstairs! Get them, please?”

After a sigh, you look at Carmen, who is already staring at you. He can clearly see how excited you are — how can you not be? When everyone loves you so much, and they show you? Even him right now, when he’s overwhelmed, he only can think about how much he loves you. “You want to stay here?”

He can’t; he’s going to have a panic attack. He’s overwhelmed by racing thoughts, the cacophony of sounds disrupting his thinking, and his heart rate threatening to skyrocket. He’s one sentence, one laugh, one scream away from losing connection with you. If he can’t step outside to breathe fresh air, he’ll cause a scene in your parent’s house. “I need to go out; it’s too much—“

“—I’m sorry, let’s go outside,” You almost drag him outside under the concerned stare of your sister.

When the cold air floods his senses, he can finally breathe properly. His fingers work on autopilot, seeking and reaching for a cigarette. He sits down on the old bench, you remained on your feet by his side.

It’s a whole scene you’re familiar with. Only lacking Tina and Richie’s loud screaming.

In moments like this, you know better than to exacerbate his unease with words and questions… he has learned to calm himself by his own means, and you respect that.

Once the cigarette is thrown away, you eventually become a part of his surroundings again. Carmy snakes his arms around your waist, pushing his head against your belly.

Your sweet smell comforts him. He inhales deeply when you card your fingers through his hair.

“You want to go home?” You ask, planting a kiss just above his hairline.

He begrudgingly distance himself from you. “Not really, it’s just—everybody loves each other?”

You pause momentarily, your gaze shifting from the bustling room to Carmen beside you. “I’m sorry about my sister and her husband, they have been like that since ever, and I understand if you feel bad; they mean no harm, tho” You completely miss the point.

Carmen looks at you — behind his eyes, a mixture of fear and frustration. “It’s not that, I couldn’t care less about it! It’s like I have—I have this fear—I’m not good at social interactions, I try my best—but did you see, heard? I fucking stutter! I—“

You try to comfort him through physical touch — laying your hand on his arm to ground him in the present. “You’re nervous; it’s expected, Carmy…”

He pressed his lips into a line. But you continue, “I’m or was as socially awkward as you are. Believe me when I say they’re used to odd phrases, stuttering, awkward silences, and silly laughs to avoid a question.”

“But they love you… it’s different,” He emphasizes. Carmen’s gaze remains somewhere else, his fingers fidgeting slightly.

“They love you too, and before you say anything, it’s simply because you make me happy, god! Carmy! They always tease me when I speak about you because I’m so in love with you because there’s always a smile on my face. And do you know how long they’ve waited for a huge smile from me? Years. And you know why, so yes, of course, they love you,”

He lets out a sigh, his shoulders slumping as he rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t really know what to say — I’m sorry, just my head messed up with me…”

A tender smile lights your face. “I know, Carmy, and I’m glad you can recognize when your mind is just playing games… you’ve come far,” you reassure him with a gentle smile. “And I won’t be pissed or angry about your insecurities or worries, but I understand if you’re waiting for me to almost kill you for it… It sucks, sure, but I understand. I’ve felt like that”.

Carmen’s gaze finally meets yours; he’s being so vulnerable right now that you only want to cuddle him, hoping all his insecurities vanish under the morning sun.

“Should we go inside? I don’t really want to worry your mother or sister,”

“If you want. If you need more time, we can stay here a bit longer,”

His voice is quieter when he finally speaks, a hint of relief lacing his words. “I’m better.” The tension in his body seems to ease slightly as he takes a deep breath, his expression slowly relaxing — he’s trying his best.

The soft sound of cutlery clinking against the dishes, the low individual conversations, the baby’s blabbing, and the dim lights on the dinning room shapes a homely ambience.

“You need to see her in action! She’s always been the best cook of the family, you know, Carmy?” Your sister interjects as her eyes light up with nostalgia.

That catches Carmy’s attention. He’s staring at you with genuine curiosity. So, stereotypically, your mom gets up in search of something. “Oh, you have to see her photos!” She chuckles, scavenging for the photo album. “She was so stubborn, wanting to make her own food for her or anyone’s birthdays, always looking for new recipes, she has done the craziest stuff!”

While your mother shows Carmy all your embarrassing childhood pictures, your brother-in-law can’t contain himself, he has to make a joke, and his playful grin gives him away. “I’m glad you’re a chef; she’s not at good as her parents want her to be.”

And your mother frowns, feigning annoyance, as Margot gives him a subtle punch.

“Because you suck at it, child,” Your father quips at him. “She’s good, right? Carmy”

Carmy considers for a moment, his gaze shifting from one sibling to another — he can mess up things if he doesn’t pick the right words. “Objectively, she’s quite decent. Some of her pastries are better than mine.”

You had plastered a lovesick grin on your flushed face. “I was born gifted, you see,”

He relishes in your soft giggles.

Your sister chuckles at the little scene your both doing, sharing a knowing look with your mother. “She was in diapers, building mud cakes outside, in the front yard…” Her stare lingers on you for a bit. “Do you remember, mom?”

Your mother nods, a fond smile on her lips. “Of course I do! Both of you treated your sister like she was a toy,” She teases her children. “Look at this, Carmen, she had been everything by the age of four.”

She finds her favorite picture of you, a huge smile paired with a set of eyes mimicking two big stars. “You were so cute.”

Your cheeks flush at his candid compliment, grateful for the levity that’s now enveloped the conversation. The shared stories and gentle teasing ease the tension, allowing Carmy to glimpse the playful dynamics of your family. He’s relaxing, finally starting to feel comfortable being around so many people that expected a lot from him.

Staring at each other, you both smile. And you don’t miss the dreamy sigh from your sister. You decided to give him a faint peck on his lips — earning a few ‘yuck’s and ‘wow’s from the kids.

“Okay, lovebirds!” Your brother said, rolling his eyes in feigned annoyance — but Carmen can’t read him at all.

Not wanting him to sour the moment, your sister fights him back, “Why’s your girlfriend not here, uh?” You feel Carmy tense beside you as his hand flies to your thigh. To ground himself, to brace his rushing thoughts.

He’s expecting confrontation.

Your brother only frowns, “Funny,”

And Carmen’s so stiff, he could break if you push him. By means to help him, you whisper into his ear. “She didn’t come because Mag told her she was a milquetoast” He looked at you sideways with a confused expression. “Was recently, tho, she’ll be fine.”

Your brother shrugged and seemed to be worked up about something your sister said, but you couldn’t catch it. “Stop treating my girlfriends like they’re your friends! That’s what happens.”

Margot would rather die than not have the last word; she was provoked. “Stop bringing girls that can’t take a joke!” You could hear a few choked sounds as they tried to repress a laugh. “They’re just bland as you…”

But that was enough for your dear mother, “Margot! Stop mocking your brother, you’re acting like teenagers again!”

“I think it is the midlife crisis…” Said your brother-in-law.

Your sister laughs theatrically, bending his neck to throw her head back. Just to come back and stare directly at your brother with a big smile. “Something we have in common!”

“Carmen, dear, you want more?” Your mother whispered to him, trying to keep the conversation for the both of them only.

She understands he is fairly timid and awkward.

He smiles at her, into her wrinkled eyes that carry a joyful gaze, at her delicate and low voice tone. “Oh, no, I’m fine, thank you—thank you… I—uh, it was fine” He feels like he’s making that weird face, and your mother’s smile grows. And before continuing, he runs a hand over his face and his already messy curls, “Sorry—it was great, I don’t have this type of homemade meal often.”

She nods, glad he doesn’t lie or coat her in praises. It’s nothing out of the world but has other qualities; it tastes like childhood, like home, like your best day under the sun. It tastes mundane and, at the same time, magical. And he can’t wait to be a recurring guest…

“I’m delighted you liked it. She should prepare meals like this more often for you… because I’m sure, she’s always eating like a princess.”

Carmy nods, feeling his cheeks flush under your mother’s discerning gaze, particularly as they discuss you. “She is. I care about her”.

Your mother places a reassuring hand on his, her encouraging smile not going unnoticed, “It shows, Carmy,” He feels on the verge of tears again. Hearing that he’s doing well is a rarity; he only ever hears it from you. While it’s enough, he wishes his family did the same. “You’re a great guy.”

A knot tightens in his throat, and all he can manage to mumble without breaking is a quiet: “Thanks—“, He won’t fight your mother’s words.

“You should come over for the holidays… we spend a week on the coast. My parents had a great house there, and it’s lovely,” breaks in your father, “Everyone would love to see both of you there…”

Everyone is nodding, excitement filling the air. You probably had the best memories in that beach house. But Carmy’s eyes are glued on the table, his fingers absently tracing patterns on the back of your hand.

As the invitations hang in the air, an uneasy tension settles between you both — shouldn’t you respond to that should you?

The weight of the offer, the promise of belonging, and the haunting fear of judgment gnaw at his thoughts. And he’s spiraling again.

Your mother, in hopes of comforting him, takes his hand. “Oh, yeah, child, we’re a bit messy but nothing too bad… you’ll like it,” She’s nonchalant about it; she doesn’t want to pressure him. But the oldest of her daughters had to interrupt her. “—Baby sister loves it! You’re going to love it there too.”

Carmy smiled and gave them a quick nod. Your father makes an “ok” with his hand, and your lovely boyfriend stops being under the spotlight.

In the car back home, under the low-volume radio, he sighs, his voice tinged with resignation. “I wish I could just… step into your world without feeling like I’m going to mess it all up”. His words carry the weight of his insecurities, the years of feeling out of place and never fitting in.

You reach for his hand, squeezing it gently, your silent support a comforting gesture amidst his internal turmoil. “Carmy, they want you there because of who you are, not who you think you should be.”

His eyes leave the way for a second to meet yours. You catch a mixture of yearning and gloom reflected in them. “I know, but… what if I can’t be what they want me to be?”

The ache in your chest matches the one in his voice. You can hear how he’s fighting within himself, the desire to be loved and accepted warring against his self-doubt. He was raised to feel like that. “Carmy, you don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to be perfect. They’ll accept you for who you are, flaws and all. I mean — they invited you over. They don’t do that often. My mother loved you!” It sounds a bit more gleeful than you expected. All because you’re excited he’s welcomed into the family.

He lets out a bitter chuckle, his shoulders slumping. “You say that, but it’s not that simple for me.”

The weight of his words hangs in the air, erasing your smile. And he regrets them the instant you recoil in your seat, even though it’s an unconscious action.

A second passes, and for him, it’s like minutes are splitting you, carrying you away from him. He doesn’t know what to say; he’s resigned, waiting for the consequences.

Again, it was a nasty point of view from his mind. You reposition yourself on the seat before speaking. “Carmy, we’ve been through a lot together. We’ve seen each other changing and for good. And I’ve always been there for you, if you still need space, time… it’s fine. We’ll find a way out, yes?”

He parks the car, and then his eyes search for yours. He longs to be better, to know better. For him, the restaurant, his family—for Sugar, for you.

“I don’t think I deserve you.”

A sad smile touches your lips. “Just because you’re going through a hard time doesn’t mean you’re less worthy. I loved you in New York, and I love you like this. Your past and present emotions and thoughts don’t get a say in what you deserve or not, especially when we’re talking about nice things.”

“But I’m—“

“—Carmy! You won’t make me change my opinion” Your tone is softer than severe — you’ll never be severe.

And he’ll never be unloved.

“Did you realize you didn’t bring the pepto?”

a/n: Shitty ending, I KNOW I’m sorry… If I keep writing, I am going to end nowhere, so it has to end like this JDKKW. Hope you enjoyed <3. Reblogs/comments/likes are very appreciated <3

back to carmy’s mlist | back to navigation

#carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto angst

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yanderes-galore · 2 months ago

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Heyyyy can I request romanticly Lloyd Garmadon×reader, Prompts 1 and 4 because I can really see Lloyd also being an yandere who would sacrifice the world for their darlin

I didn't realize how much trauma Lloyd went through until I watched a video on it... Oml man is NOT okay.....

Yandere! Lloyd Garmadon Prompts 1 + 4

"I'd burn this world and everything in it for you."

"My heart belongs to you, I'll adore anything you do to it."

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Possessive behavior, Unhealthy coping mechanisms/attachment, Threats, Clingy behavior, Kidnapping, Attachment issues, Dubious turned forced relationship.

The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth

Lloyd has never experienced proper love. Lloyd hasn't even experienced a proper childhood. He was instead forced to take the mantle of hero at a young age... forced to fight evils no normal person should face...

Of course he wasn't going to be okay.

Lloyd's biggest fear is becoming like his father. He knows he's done horrible things in the past and he still can't forgive himself. He's witnessed many he's cared about die... He's watched himself harm others.

So, of course, the moment he feels anything positive... It's normal to latch on, right?

When Lloyd met you, he was hesitant to get attached. He's so used to being used or watching those he cares about get hurt.... The moment you're kind he panics a bit.

But over time... Your kindness feels genuine.

It's the one thing he's always wanted... Genuine love.

Love to someone who has never had it is an addicting thing. It's such a foreign yet familiar thing to him. Yours is so warm and sweet.

However... The problem with addiction is this...

Addicts will do anything to get another hit.

Lloyd's attachment to you was because you paid attention to him. You saw past his heroic acts... and his not so heroic acts.... Lloyd felt you saw him for himself.

Unfortunately... It didn't seem like you were ready for his strengthening attachment.

You saw Lloyd as a friend. Maybe even a sibling due to what he's gone through. You wanted to comfort him... support him...

But it seems you were just making him worse....

To Lloyd, it didn't matter what happened to him or anyone else when it came to you. As he was around you, he found himself unable to be away from you. Even when you asked for distance... He was unable to give it.

Why would you want distance anyways...? Is he not good enough? Does he scare you? Are you going to leave him?

He'd do anything to prevent that.

The moment you try to drift away or distance yourself, Lloyd just tugs you back. He's never far from you. He's always dedicated... scared you'll leave if he doesn't.

"My heart belongs to you, I'll adore anything you do to it."

He says such words like a prayer to you. Like it's a promise he'd come back no matter what you did. You were not a fool to his feelings... You just knew you could never reciprocate them.

He'd never stop loving you though.

It didn't matter how you loved him. Lloyd would always love you. As long as you give him attention, as long as you look at him, he'll take anything.

He'll be forever loyal...

He'll sacrifice anything...

As long as you're there to hold him. As long as you won't ever leave. As long as you're his...

He could care less how you see him... and he could care less if the world suffers for it at this point.

Lloyd may be a hero. However, to him, you always come first. Lloyd doesn't know what he'd do without you.

He'd sacrifice anything and everything if it meant you'd be all his. He'd cling to you even more if it meant he'd secure you. It didn't matter what it took...

"I'd burn this world and everything in it for you." Lloyd had said that to you to show you his desperation. You had suggested to take a break from one another, to be away from each other. The implication hurt...

Yet Lloyd was willing to wait as long as it took... and sacrifice everything... just to keep you to himself one way or another.

Sure, you can have some space for now... but he'll always be back by your side eventually.

Doesn't he deserve something good for once? Doesn't he deserve to be selfish? He's been forced to be hero for so long....

Lloyd's biggest fear is no longer becoming his father. His biggest fear is being alone. When you threaten to put distance between you and him...

Suddenly... being a bit of a villain doesn't seem so bad... Maybe he should just... drag you to be beside him forever...

As long as it means he's never alone... maybe he should give into his villainous roots.

#yandere ninjago #yandere lego ninjago #yandere lloyd garmadon

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kaciidubs · 6 months ago

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"I can't lose you" with channie? 🥺 - 💎

Content warning; open ended, angst Link to the list if you'd like to send in a quote for a blurb!

"I... I don't think I can keep doing this."

Those were the words that threatened to shatter his reality as he watched you pick at the pillow on your lap.

"What...?"

"This, us, it's... It's becoming too much for me to handle and I-"

"You want to leave?"

You weren't deaf to the silent 'me' that hung on to the end of his sentence, your head snapping up to finally meet his gaze ever since you'd asked if he could talk. "I don't want to, Chris - leaving you is the last thing I could think of-"

"So what are you trying to say?" When you flinched at his voice, he could've sworn he felt his heart crack; he'd never interrupted you like this, anyone like this, but his world was collapsing right before his eyes and he was panicking. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I just thought we were doing alright, you know? I thought that we..."

He thought that you'd beat the odds. He thought that in his busy, unpredictable lifestyle that he would be able to find someone to love, and have that same person love him in return. He thought that you'd be the one to bring some form of normalcy to his irregular world.

"We were doing alright!" The past tense felt bitter on your tongue, sour and spoiled that had your stomach churning, "I... I thought we were doing alright, too, I thought I was stronger than this but I'm not. I can't get past the thought that I'll never get used to the distance, to the schedules and meetings and times where I won't be able to see you for months - to the feeling that our time together is always ticking down to when you'll be leaving again and I'll just be here, alone. I-I know you're doing everything you can and I love you for that, but... I can't. I can't let you continue to bend backwards for me while I'm sitting here like some ungrateful child who always wants more, who knows I won't be able to get it because I can't handle the compromise."

You mentally curse the hot tear that runs down the apple of your cheek, wiping it away with the back of your hand, though more are quick to follow as your vision blurs.

There are so many things he could say, so many points he could make to refute every word that came from your mouth and make you see that you're more than what you think you are, but the only thing that makes its way through is;

"I can't lose you."

It's selfish, it's irrational, and he finds himself hating the fact that that's all he could say - because it's all about him. All of this is because of him.

"I can't- I won't- I don't know what I'll do without you." He clenched his jaw, fighting against the wavering of his voice as he scooted closer to you, though the distance only seemed to grow more. "Baby, please."

"Y-You'll do exactly what you were doing before we were together, us without the relationship - us when we were friends."

"Us when I wished we were so much more?" Chris urged, helplessness evident in his broken voice, "Us when I was willing to give everything up just for one day with you? When I'm still willing to give everything up, just for you?"

"Us when the pain of watching you leave would hurt less than it does now." You gritted, watery eyes locked onto his own, "Us, when the idea of you meeting someone who could offer you more than I can without the sacrifices didn't keep me up at night wondering if I'm even worth the trouble."

He opened his mouth, his retort hot on his tongue, but stopped as he took in the sheer exhaustion on your features - the harsh reality punching him in the face and stomping on his heart.

This wasn't something that could be solved with declarations of love and promises of doing better - this wasn't something he could fix.

"I love you, Chris," you breathed softly, gently taking his hands into yours - your skin still wet with tears, "I loved the idea of you, the idea of us, but I'm not ready for it - not as I am now."

"I'll wait for you." His hands squeezed yours, trembling and aching to tug you into his arms where he wanted you, where you belonged. "It's only you, it'll only ever be you."

He knows you want to dismiss his claim, you want to tell him that he's being irrational, but you don't; instead, you squeeze his hands back with a smile that does little to hide the pain in your eyes.

"It'll only ever be you, too."

#✧. ┊ kacii answers #✧. ┊ 💎 nonnie #bang chan angst #bang chan x reader #skz angst #stray kids angst

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andy-wm · 1 year ago

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Please love me is Jimin's line today

The hardest few seconds for me to watch, were these...

Jimin was absolutely dreading appearing on screen without his trademark beautiful hair.

We know he left it as late as he could and didn't want to show anyone.

He looked like he was barely holding it together when he called attention to his hair being shaved. He must have genuinely been scared of the reaction he would get, even from Kook.

"It looks good on you"

Jungkook, you absolute fucking LEGEND 💜

He knew exactly what to say.

When Jungkook told Jimin he looked good (even with no hair) Jimin turned his face away <those feels choking him up> and when he turned back, the almost desperate look of gratitude mixed with relief was so clear.

Please love me is Jimin's line today.

This is not about vanity, ego or pride.

It brings home how fragile his confidence is. His need for approval and the assurance of being loved is strong. It’s so heartbreaking, but we know he hasn't had an easy road.**

Thankfully he did stand a little bit taller once JK reassured him...

But it wasn't an easy moment for Jungkook either.

Whether because he had to witness Jimin's fear and could do nothing more than pet his head, or because he was facing his own misgivings (probably both) he looked equally lost in that moment.

Remember that these boys have left their home once before and journeyed to a place that was less than welcoming. They've had to face the grim, disproving faces of unkind critics and a system that didn't support or value them.

I don't doubt there were echoes of that feeling on this day, that same sense of trepidation they've known before.

We know how the military treats men like them.

And then...

we got this:

You can take the boy out of Busan but you can't take Busan out of the boy.

(People say this about my home town too...)

The shadow of fear is still there in his eyes but.... he looks like a (very hot) backstreet thug who will absolutely fuck you up no questions asked.

It does occur to me that MS might be the reason Jimin has been learning to fight.

I mean really learning to fight.

Yes he's probably doing boxing too but i suspect something more than that ... you shouldn't get torn knuckles from boxing lessons unless you aren't wrapping your hands properly, just saying.

If all else fails (words before fists, right?) I hope he can handle himself.

If he must defend himself, and someone (not him) looks like they've had a close encounter with his fists, I saw nothing.

I hope for both of them, their background will serve them well. In any case they will support one another and their love will see them through this. It's exactly why they are enlisting as companions.

🐰🐥

This is no easy journey, for these young men (all seven of them) or for their families, their friends, and their loved ones. Yes, it's reality of life for every person in Korea, but that doesn't make it easier when it's YOU or YOUR person who is going away.

I am seeing them off with an in ache in my chest - I know we all are. But I'm toasting their successful military service, and their quick return.

짠 지민아, 정국이! We love you 💜💛

See you soon, Angels.

** 'Hurry up and be me soon' ...

Some of us know how much it costs to put our authentic self out into the world. The sacrifices you have to be willing to make are huge. You're not only exposing your own vulnerabilities, but the flow on effect for your family and friends is real.

It's a long journey to self love and acceptance...

We know Jimin has been through a number of iterations of himself. He's been through the tough guy phase, the closed book, the siren, aloof and sophisticated, and the gently feminine.

The image he presents to the world is as much a construct as any person's is - and whether you're aware of this or not, all our public selves are social constructs.

"One size does not fit all" for queer people

For cis gendered heterosexual people, society has a few different ready-made constructs you can adopt, and the rest of society automatically understands the message you're sending. Most of them maintain the status quo of heterosexual cultural norms.

For anyone who DOESNT fit those norms, it's honestly never going to feel good expressing an image that isnt really you. Its like trying and make your circle self fit in a square box.

But theres nothing else that's readily available...

You really have to construct your public image from scratch.

When you aren't part of that typical demographic, figuring out how you want to be seen by the world can be an arduous and complex process.

How much do you reveal? How much do you risk?

You'll experiment with styles, behaviours, and social groups until you find a safe space you can occupy.

Jimin's safe space is with ARMY or his members, but it requires looking perfect.

Think about Jimin's hesitance to appear on camera without makeup. How carefully he chooses his clothes - whether for airport appearances, stage performance or out on the street. He usually has a team of people making sure he looks perfect. His hair is a trademark feature. It's always beautiful.

Remember that he's used to EVERYONE LOOKING AT HIM, ALL THE TIME.

Imagine how it feels to go out in public - against your will - with a shaved head.

Without hair, he would have surely felt naked. Plus, he's no longer in the safe embrace of ARMY, and his buffer of security and managers keeping him out of danger is gone.

He's immensely famous, but not universally loved (don't even go there) and bald, and small, and an IDOL, and very gay ... lets go with unlikely to be heterosexual.

No wonder he was feeling vulnerable.

Ngl, it broke my heart to see him so afraid but I'm sure he'll have a substantial group of supporters around him. I can only hope.

💜💛

#jeon jungguk #park jimin #jikook #kookmin #국민 #true love #bts enlistment #jikook enlistment

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 4 months ago

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You might’ve already received an ask like this, but I think it’s interesting how similar Malleus and what we see of Maleanor(I think that’s how you spell her name) are. I mean they are mother and son they’re obviously going to be similar, but specifically I find it interesting that they have almost the exact same arrogance.

When reacting to the threat of the Silver Owls and S.T.Y.X’s forces respectively, both the previous princess and the current prince treat it like more of an annoyance than a real threat. The thought that they could genuinely lose doesn’t even seem to cross their mind, I mean in all fairness Maleanor does acknowledge the idea that she might lose but I doubt she really feels scared in the moment.

There isn’t much to this ask, I just think it’s interesting and might be some foreshadowing on how Malleus’ arrogance is going to lead to his downfall.

This isn’t exactly the same thing, but this ask also compares and contrasts Malleus with his mother under the scope of “maturity”.

Arrogance is a natural consequence of anyone having power, especially for a family as powerful as the Draconias. It often doesn’t occur to those at the top that they could fall from grace. In other cases, it’s ignorance as the result of never wanting and thus having a limited understanding of the world beyond their small insulated one. (This is the case for Kalim.)

I think the circumstances you described aren’t exactly equivalent so it’s somewhat limited to directly compare mother and son. Malleus already knows what Styx is (thanks to Lilia) and suspects they aren’t after him (because why would they be at this point in the story??). This is confirmed in one of Malleus’s dialogue lines: “No wonder they didn’t come after me.” Maleanor, meanwhile, is facing a significant foreign threat and knows she has a target on her back, since she leads the military forces. She also has a lot more riding on her shoulders if she fails, considering she has both her country and her newborn son to think about.

But I think your general point is still valid; Malleus and Maleanor are arrogant because their immense power affords them this luxury. It’s a vulnerability they share as mother and son, but I also think that they differ due to their ages and the eras in which they grew up.

Maleanor had to be strong and resilient because she lived in a period of time when mages (and fae in particular) seemed to still be feared. Malleus has a lot less life experience but he also lives in an era of relative peace. He does not need to be as alert as his mother was, and has yet to face any real national-level threat. Thus, Malleus is more arrogant because he has yet to be challenged to the same degree his mother was.

I would say that Maleanor is still arrogant (she clearly still feels comfortable making demands of Lilia and throwing fits when she doesn’t get her way), that much is true. However, she also has lived long enough to gain far more wisdom and experience than Malleus has. When you’re a child, you feel as though nothing can touch you. When you’re an adult (as Maleanor is), you’re aware of many more factors which could topple you.

We can’t be certain how she really felt about the Silver Owls storming her country, but I get the sense that Maleanor realized she was in danger and only put on a brave face because she’s such an important public figure. That’s where her arrogance comes in; she can’t afford to let that slip. If she shows weakness, it doesn’t exactly reassure her people, who are already very stressed. She has already seen many of her soldiers fall on top of her husband (someone whom she loves deeply) going missing. These are prominent reminders to her that fae, no matter how powerful or influential they are, can be ended. Maleanor also speaks in a manner which implies she is fully willing to make that ultimate sacrifice; she hands her child to Lilia and instructs him to guard her son in her stead, then casts a spell which prevents Lilia from running to her side to fight with her. It makes me feel like she knows she’s essentially marching to her death. She didn’t want to get her dear friend and son caught up in that, so she sent them on their way while she stayed behind.

So in a way, Malleus and Maleanor’s arrogance is paralleled rather than being the exact same. The inexperienced son is still riding the high of being untouchable, while the mother, knowing that her time had come, wasn’t willing to go down without a fight. Slightly different circumstances, as I’ve said—but it’s still interesting to see how the traits of the parent persist in their child, and how that may indicate how Malleus develops moving forward.

#twst #twisted wonderland #Malleus Draconia #Maleanor Draconia #Meleanor Draconia #book 7 spoilers #Lilia Vanrouge #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #notes from the writing raven #book 6 spoilers #Kalim Al-Asim

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anneapocalypse · 2 years ago

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Demands of the Qun, or How the Inquisitor's Choice Answers the Iron Bull's Most Important Question

I was having a chat about the Iron Bull and his personal quest with some friends and one person said in response to something I said that I should make it a Post, so here it is! And a usual disclaimer: this is not about which in-game decision is "correct"--it's an RPG, there's no wrong way to play the game. I just want to talk about the meaning of this decision for Bull's character and for his future.

Dragon Age: Inquisition’s “Demands of the Qun” is, for me, one of those quests where the RPG format of “player character makes major decision for companion character” really works. I do not see this as an example of game mechanics taking away agency from an NPC. I think Bull has agency in this situation.

The Chargers are not Inquisition soldiers. They are mercenaries, and Bull is their commander. If the Inquisitor makes a call he doesn't like, he is free to say "Screw you" and take his people and leave, because they are not soldiers, they're independent contractors, so leaving isn't desertion, it's just quitting. If he were already certain he wanted to leave the Qun, he could simply call the retreat himself, take the Chargers and leave. Similarly if he were certain of his loyalties and willing to sacrifice the Chargers for that purpose, he could do that, regardless of what the Inquisitor says.

He lets the Inquisitor make this choice.

The Iron Bull has had one foot out the door of the Qun for a long time now. But he's gone back and gone back, submitted himself for re-education and done his best to keep serving the Qun, because he believes he needs the Qun. To him, becoming Tal-Vashoth means losing himself, his identity, his purpose, his very sanity, and as the Fade tells us in "Here Lies the Abyss," this is quite literally his greatest fear. Bull could never bring himself to leave the Qun with nowhere to go instead, nothing to give his life purpose and meaning—and no one to entrust himself to should he doubt his own sanity.

But in his work in the south, the Iron Bull has found community and identity and purpose outside the Qun. The very name he has given himself speaks to that, as does his close relationship to the Chargers.

Right from the beginning, there is tension in "Demands of the Qun." Bull remarks that he's gotten used to the Qunari being "over there" during his life in the south. I think Bull has a very potent anxiety when he meets Gatt again on the Storm Coast, and introduces him to the Inquisitor and their party. To me, it very much has the vibes of introducing two friend groups, where you're not only pretty sure they won't get along, but you're also very aware that they know very different sides of you—and neither of them are going to like seeing the other side. Bull's discomfort is visible both when Gatt speaks freely about Bull's work in the Ben-Hassrath, and when the Inquisitor's other companions make disparaging remarks about the Qun. His two worlds have collided, calling into conflict two sides of his sense of self that he has thus far managed to avoid confronting.

And this is likely part of the point. The Qun does not truly respect alliances with any outside the Qun. I wouldn't say for sure that the Qunari set up this whole situation just to test Bull—it's possible they knew exactly how many Venatori would show up, but they couldn't have known precisely how the Inquisition would respond. That, and their desire to root out the Venatori is no doubt sincere. But I do think they are watching Bull's actions very closely throughout this proposed alliance, gauging his loyalty. Gatt tells him outright that many already believe he has betrayed the Qun.

Bull's internal conflict quickly becomes an external one when the Venatori reinforcements show up, and Bull is faced with the decision of whether to withdraw the Chargers or defend the dreadnought at the cost of their lives.

The thing is, Bull is not neutral on this. He tells the Inquisitor what he wants. He wants to save the Chargers. If the Inquisitor says that the Chargers still have time to retreat, Bull agrees. When Gatt tells him they need to hold position, he says in a low, intense tone, "They're my men."

And then, when Gatt tells him in no uncertain terms that calling the retreat will make him Tal-Vashoth, the Iron Bull looks to the Inquisitor.

Again, he is not neutral. He knows what he wants. He is standing there basically begging the Inquisitor with his eyes to save his boys.

So why doesn't he just make the call himself?

Because just as this whole situation is in part a test of Bull's loyalty, this is also a test of the Inquisitor.

What Bull needs to leave the Qun is not simply for someone else to make the choice for him, but to believe that there is a future for him outside the Qun. That he will still be himself, that he will have purpose, and meaning, and that someone else is worth trusting. Bull cannot bring himself to leave the Qun if it means he will be left utterly alone with nothing but his own mind and his deepest fears. And if that's what leaving the Qun means… then in his mind, it would be better to stay.

The Inquisitor's choice will answer that question.

To sacrifice the Chargers leaves Bull with nothing outside of the Qun. He has just watched his closest friends die, and he cannot trust the Inquisitor. With Krem and Rocky and Skinner and Stitches and Dalish and Grim, the new sense of self that the Iron Bull has found in the south also dies.

Of course he turns back to the Qun. He has nothing else left.

But if it's the Inquisitor who makes the call to save the Chargers… Bull can leave. He has friends who care about him. He has purpose. He has someone whose command he can trust. He has hope. None of this makes the choice easy for him. It is quite clearly very painful and difficult, and I don't think there's any way it could be otherwise. But he has a way forward nonetheless. The choice makes leaving possible.

The Inquisitor doesn't force the Iron Bull to become Tal-Vashoth. Instead, Bull implicitly asks a question, and the Inquisitor by their choice gives him an answer.

#the iron bull #iron bull #demands of the qun #dragon age inquisition #dragon age meta #dragon age #blunders of thedas

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