#will minette ever cease her cringe?

[minetteskvareninova]

Hetalia Headcannons: World War 1

(Because I am having finals and I’m gonna make it everyone else’s problem)

- I mean. Is there anything more hillarious than WW1 but Hetalia? Just these idiots shelling each other to oblivion because of what someone’s ally did to someone else’s ally and everyone was too stubborn to make peace. They were going to win this exceedingly stupid conflict, dammnit! Meanwhile, Spain and Portugal were passing each other popcorn in the distance like. There’s this superflu going around, should we be worried? You also get bangers like Italy attacking the same fucking mountain pass ELEVEN TIMES, untill it’s absolutely destroyed by Austria. In the end, the Entente won by being just a little less destroyed than the Alliance, and they were going to make it their problem.

- Russia meanwhile left for the war, but got absolutely destroyed by Germany, who then let his “long lost relative” Soviet Union (now thought to be Russia in a brown wig) live in the abandoned house. People faithful to their old master tried to sack him, but without much success. Meanwhile, Czechia and Slovakia got stuck in Russia, and had to sneak to Paris trough his backyard. Ukraine, Poland etc. of course used the opportunity to run away; some managed to escape, while others were kidnapped back to Russia.

- Poland was resurrected by England’s magic and given Ukraine and Belarus as roommates. Poland proceeded to treat them like shit. In fact, he treated everyone around him like shit, under the impression that it would make him look tougher for some reason. Interwar period was Poland’s bitch era. He also developed a real fetish for men in uniform, for some reason.

- Germany was at the death’s door by the end of the war, but Prussia kept fighting and was severely pissed when the Entente kept insisting “Alliance lost” - like, HE didn’t lose shit, what are they talking about?! Meanwhile, Bavaria, their long-lost brother appeared out of nowhere and was now communist for some reason? He got absorbed back into Germany as soon as Ludwig recovered, and Prussia and Germany don’t talk about this period very much.

- Paris was decidedly NOT the city of love at the end of the war. The Alliance called up this big conference there that was supposed to end all war forever, but they were the same petty assholes as always, so that was a doomed endeavour. Like, the whole “everything is always Germany’s fault” clause was simply unwarranted. But they did settle some disputes, like Austria’s divorce from Hungary (he needed to go away to support his cousin), so that was nice.

- After Italy was severely wounded in a war, Romano took care of him, and took charge of the household. And boy, you could tell. Italy was never as willing to throw hands as it was after one of the most devastating wars in human history (at least for them). He also got radicalized by the far right...

- Soviet Union went around, preaching to everyone who would listen about the need for GLORIOUS COMMUNIST REVOLUTION. In the end, he only convinced Bavaria, who as mentioned got absorbed into Germany, and Hungary, who then tried to convert Slovakia, by violence if necessary (luckily Czechia and Slovakia managed to defend themselves).