#will get back to you tomorrow maybe??
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You know what mum forcing my hand to cancel my tattoo appointment because she wants to shaft me financially yet again is not okay and I am well within my rights to hate her, like genuinely I don't remember the last time I was actually happy to see her or spend time with her and I'm so fucking over living here.
#max rambles a lot#also with her now wanting more rent money a month then it's going to make saving to move out virtually impossible#she's trapping me here and she thinks i'm fucking stupid and won't see right through her#i hate it here so fucking much i just want to move out and i'm never going to be able to at this rate#i'm so ill rn#physically and mentally i am SO ill lately#also if you're waiting on a dm from me or something i'm sorry i have absolutely zero spoons rn#will get back to you tomorrow maybe??
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My fellow bitches under 5'5. Whatever the money, do not take a job working at a middle school. A fellow adult tried to put me in detention last month and would NOT give up until I showed her my badge proving Yes, The School Hired Me To Work Here. It's not meant for people our height.
#personal#back to work tomorrow prepare thyself#i have had other adults try to take my phone away ask if I have a tardy pass the aforementioned detention incident-#THE LIST GOES ON#i usually get an apology after they realize im twenty fucking six but sometimes im like#....if you need to apologize this profusely for talking to me like that when you realized i wasn't a student#maybe you shouldn't be talking to the students like that either?#i get it they're irritating as hell but like. as soon as you realized i could report you for yelling at me the way u just did#u HELLA backtracked.#maybe some self reflection is in order?
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I bought nasb today
#its on sale for only 5 dollars if you have a switch#usually its like#60... so get it if you want it idk#anyways#i have school tomorrow but i stayed up to draw this#OHHH ON UM#thursday though me and my friends are gonna watch a movie in the gym im so excited#we all did good on our finals so the school set it up :3#anyways this meme is my life i love that it comes back every pride month#last year i did a ddlc one hehe#art#my art#invader zim#nickelodeon#dib membrane#zim iz#zadr#zim and dib romance#okay im gonna go to bed maybe#you know what that means...
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💘
#this might be the most scribble thing I post here yet bahahahahahahahahahahaaha#I still like how the hands turned out even though I didn’t finish them😇#but it’s pretty messy and the hands might be the only part I like🥲#but since this blog is my art journey documentation here you are#I was pretty busy today so no good art but maybe tomorrow we’ll see#I am preparing things to FINALLY answer my asks🥹#& if you tagged me in anything I actually have been meaning to respond!!!!!!!! my notifications are the WORST and so confusing on here😵💫#and I’m technology grandma…#hope u all have had an amazing day !!!! 🫶#my brother in law has been fishing and catching SO MANY sargo#(sargo = sea bream for the animal crossing playing English speakers😙)#AND ITS LITERALLY SOOOOOOOOO DELICIOUS !!!!!#i cook it in the weirdest way possible#you just have to gut the fish and cut off its fins etc#then you put it in a wet salt bed and cover it up…cook it for 30 min…AND VOILA ITS DONE !!!!!#I don’t add any spices…NOTHING…and this fish literally has the taste and texture of crab covered in butter#LIKE…😳 it might be my favorite food/fav thing to cook these days bc it’s so easy and fresh caught fish is just delicious😫#well that was my grandma cooking show of the day👩🍳#now you know how to cook sargo a la sal 👩🍳#also going back to the drawing🥹 I just love these two so much…#I love thinking of sweet moments…most of my angst is confined to writinc😆#the chapter I’m writing right now is SO ANGST DEPRESSING (sorry Eloise)#it will get better…I promise…#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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things we learn about scully in s1
she has a godson (and she told his mother that she thinks mulder is cute)
she did her residency in forensic medicine
she's good with dogs and is naturally drawn to all kinds of animals (even evil-looking monkeys)
she wants to keep her christmas tree up all year because her father always made her take it down as soon as the holiday was over
(and she was never positive that her father, who was in the navy and involved in the cuban blockade, was truly proud of her, because she joined the FBI instead of becoming a full-time doctor like he had wanted)
((and he didn't say "i love you" the last time he spoke to her. ouch))
when she was 14, she stole one of her mother's cigarettes, which she thought was disgusting, but she wanted to do something Forbidden for once
she once forgot her own birthday (which is february 23rd) when she was studying for her exams
she has a little cat sign on her apartment door <3
when challenged by the preacher's kid, she refused to deny the power of God; she was raised catholic, and remembers that "God never lets the devil steal the show"
(she's almost always wearing a cross necklace, even while declaring that she considers science sacred)
((and yes, her favorite movie is the exorcist))
she took some biology courses on bugs and is now going to tell you some bug facts
she has two brothers, one younger and one older
her dad- with whom she did not have the greatest of relationships- nicknamed her "starbuck"
(he called her this after the steady and rational first mate character from moby dick; all the more cruel when you consider he pushed her aside for joining the FBI rather than doing the "logical" thing, becoming a doctor. to cast her in a role of the dutiful daughter without her permission and then create a conditional sense of love is just. so mean. it's a miracle she didn't turn out as emotionally repressed as he did)
#i TOLD you i store all of these facts in a little spot in my brain! and compile them for ease of access when needed!#we didn't get as much scully lore in s1 as we did mulder lore but i'll make that post another time. perhaps tomorrow.#she also seems to need a constant IV drip of caffeine which i think is endearing#nicknaming her after the guy from the whale book who was supposed to be even tempered and level headed is lowkey evil#i'll get back to that another day but like. to reject her when she fails to do the “logical” thing and become a doctor?#ugh just says so much about how she grew up. and maybe we'll learn more later so i shouldn't jump too far ahead.#anyway! love to observe tiny things about characters that help formulate their worldview <3#and i look forward to learning much more!#the x files#txf#dana scully
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Story update
I got to write a good chunk of the opening these past two days. Excited to get more work done over March break. And I can't wait to get to writing more about my daughter T-T But she comes in a bit later in the story. Still in the first act, though.
Some more character design doodles:
#personal project#paleolithic#neanderthal#prehistory#I've been SO BUSY#being a school teacher is so difficult....#especially with 6-7 year olds. why did I end up with the worst age group#they are angels and devils SIMULTANIOUSLY.#I felt my soul leave my body this week. two of the grade 2 boys dropped f bombs. i was SO SHOCKED. this word could never leave my mouth eve#AND THESE BABIES ARE SAYING IT!!???#but being a school teacher means you also get school breaks soooo MARCH BREAK LETS GO!!!#First thing I did: write more of the story and go ham with splatoon#the big run was so fun. I still couldn't break through to silver.... :'(#I don't know if I'll get much drawing done. I've been in a zelda 2 mood again. Maybe some zelda 2 art#I need to get back to finishing the remaster! I'm on maze island now.#but on the agenda for SURE is to get the opening of the story done and out of the way so I can start writing the REAL fun stuff#It's taking a while.#rambling again :P#oh and ramadan mubarak! tomorrow is the first day of fasting.
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Kat and Lily
Doodles
#Kat and Lily#mindlessly doodling#arruuughhhh scene Kat save me Save me scene Kat#it’s not holiday break yet but I’m posting Kat and Lily decorating for the season#that was actually based on something a did maybe five years back???#it’s lovely to see your characters grow with you#artists on tumblr#art#my art#illustration#digital art#2024 art#my oc art#it will be weird in a month to tag 2025 art but alas I say that every year#gosh i love these idiots#I have more fantasy art of them but today and probably tomorrow you get doodles because that’s all I feel like#though bonus I finished that giant animation project!! so expect that sometime next week??#my favorite lesbians#to be honest
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magolor and kirby stickers inspired by the fnf ones (transparent alts below the cut)
maybe ill do some for susie and taranza too sometime :)
here you go
#kirby#kirby fanart#magolor#my art#digital art#artists on tumblr#no tag ideas again#so you know#oh right#big drawing tomorrow#maybe#or atleast an actual one with a background#need to get back into that art grind#also magolor will be there :)#the epilogue sopping wet cat flavor by the way not the usual one
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if anyone is worried abt me bc i am not posting: i am in fact doing very bad but i am very good at handling it at this point & i'm going to be okay eventually
#but it has meant the world to get a couple messages from folks here#realized i should maybe post this for folks who know that when i left a few years back it was partially because i was being badly abused#if you knew that and were worried: i'm not experiencing new bad things again!#just have been feeling secure enough for long enough to be fully processing what happened. and it is extremely miserable and hard to do so.#but like. i am beginning to see myself change in the ways that i want to. so it feels rewarding and good to be doing bad in this way.#anyways. love you all#i will hopefully be catching up on videos before tomorrow's show 💛#jam chats#i at the very least will lurk because i do want spoilers#abuse t/#the abuse was from a friend who i'd gotten hired at my workplace.
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i've done some horrible things to copia in the notes app but i draw the line at giving him a hip replacement. so my personal hc for his cane situation — disregarding the alternative of him taking one onstage just for the vibes — is that he developed early onset osteoarthritis from ballet and began to manage it. the rats mv was the last time he danced properly, then after the threat of replacement, it was strict physiotherapy and steroid injections until the cane wasn't as necessary as it once was. you can get footwear designed to help with oa, so i'm sliding the shoe moment from rhrn into this self-indulgent ramble ('i'll get injured' = 'things will be worse for me later'). he'll jump around the stage as often as he dares to the frustration of doctors and his mother — and his ghouls, who will help him limp offstage at every show towards the end of the tour and take care of him after treatments. limited movement frustrates him to no end but he'll put on a mask of cheery positivity until he's too tired to maintain it any longer. he'll manage it to the point where it's easier to live with than it was when he danced for the last time, but it'll never be like it was when he was young. he struggles with this more than he does the physical pain. who'd want a reminder of their imminent demise burning at their side with every step? still, he pretends, even if it's obvious to everyone close to him that it's a problem — no need to give them any more reason to end his reign earlier than he'd like
#a ramble inspired by that really nice art i rbed earlier with his cane#and the art where hes like. was a ballet dancer. had a hip replacement. bon appetit#i can't bring myself to give him the replacement though#not even a resurfacing#i had a professor this semester who has made it his life mission to warn everyone about how awful replacements are#he got oa in his knee after a karate injury and didn't stop practicing it#then fixed it with the help of not a doctor not a physiotherapist#but his karate master 😭😭#using my lectures to pass my degree ❌️ using my lectures to give papa diseases ✅️#sorry copia.#this feels weird to post which is why i'm nervously rambling in the tags#i don't post hc stuff despite coming up with loads of it because i'm scared of people taking it too seriously#maybe giving that old man a bad hip is a good place to start#unspoken hc here is that he was a very capable ballet dancer back in the day#but idk anything about that i just know diseases#copia gets away from my medical headcanon-ing SO lightly compared to others#rip terzo i'm sorry you had it coming#the band ghost#papa emeritus iv#posting this after taking certain tablets so i hope its literate and i wont cringe out of my skin tomorrow morning . goodnight
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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post may or may not be cringe, but we're rolling with it 🤙🏼
I dreaded having to do this (again) all year long, but guess who's going on a semi-hiatus!!!! hint: me ☝🏻 (I'll call it semi bc I'll prob be lurking around here and there still, lmao)
most of you may know, but I've been super busy with school lately given that I'm graduating this year, sooo I'm predicting it rn I won't be able to write anything for a while 😞
it's not that I don't have free time at all, it's just that everything that's been on my mind lately is shoolschoolschool, and I almost never think of anything else 😭 + I can't find it in myself to have the mental capacity to balance everything I have going on here and aiming to be at the podium once graduation comes around
though I will be posting chapter 6 of push & pull this week, AND maybe a teaser for score his heart?? but idk, we'll see! if I do end up posting both of those, I think that'll be it for a while
I'm so sorry to be letting anyone down, especially those who have been enjoying my ongoing series so far</3 I promise that once I make the time to write in between school and my social life outside of tumblr, I'll be back to writing/posting better than ever!!
I'll just take this opportunity to thank everyone for supporting me and my works this past summer vacation!! I truly believe I wouldn't have been able to survive the summer heat without you all 🤕
thank you all so so much, I hope you understand!! as I mentioned, I'll still be lurking around the app and answering asks/messages if necessary!! I LOVE YOU ALL SOOO MUCH, I'LL BE BACK BETTER THAN EVER, I PROMISE!!<33
#I FEEL TERRIBLE HAVING TO DO THIS:((#this really is what I've been avoiding to do since summer came around huhu#but at the same time it just feels right#i don't want to just disappear on you guys bc idk how to balance my time#again!!!! I'll be posting push & pull chapter 6#and maybe maybe a score his heart teaser both this week#then that'll be it for I think a few weeks?#I also made this post for the sole purpose of those that has sent me asks#and if u guys haven't noticed#I've been answering asks super duper late lately huhu#just bc i really do have a lot on my plate rn I'm so sorry 😞😞😞😞#I really hope everyone understands!!#and I'LL SAY IT AGAIN!!#ILY ALL SO MUCH#I'LL BE BACK AND WRITING SOON TRUST!!#also yk like#we have a career assessment test tomorrow#and i SWEAR if i don't get civil engineering for one of my top career options#I'm gonna flip out#I've always planned to be a civil engineer PLEASE LET ME HAVE THIS#PLEASE PELAEE LELASE#oki that's all from me for now MWAH<33#🖇️frans; [ yaps !! ]
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an afternoon by the black lake🫶🫶🫶
#here is the fluff after my angst drawing of yesterdat😙💓😙💓#maybe you recognize some of these this is just a series of cute fast sketches of these two sweeties#I just like thinking about them spending time together🥹#I keep passing out all day and then waking up to scribble a bit and then passing out again#so sorry these are messy#but I still enjoy them🫶🫶#(ofc I do…I’m Eloise’s number one fan💓💓💓)#sorry I’ve been bad at responding to messages lately hopefully tomorrow I can get back to them🫶🫶🫶#im just so😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow fanart#I also want to draw/write a SUPER CUTE SCENE#that will probably not happen in my fic but be part of their sweet AU#well I don’t want to spoil it but these illustrations are part of my au🥹🫶#oh also in this au they’ve been friends for a few years but the second picture#is the moment Sebastian looks at her and is like😳😳 omg…I’m in love with her…#(it’s a sweet friends to lovers slow burn🥰🥰)
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and happy pride to these assholes. it's still june so i can technially still make that joke right
#the nemesis speaks#nemesis art#malevolent podcast#malevolent fanart#god i hate tagging for new fandoms yall scare me. im stopping there#anyway i have too many directors notes for this. ive developed such a vivid image of john in my head#but absolutely nothing for the dude with the actual physical body lol#idk just thinking abt the fact that the trader said ''two appear before me'' implying he could perceive john visually#but it's hard to wrap my head around like. a totally separate body that john doesn't appear consciously aware of himself#so: i think they are generally tied together. like this.#but anyway yeah. tattered/torn piece of something else. shattered crown. open hood implying a face behind it.#(yellow also has/had a mask and an unbroken crown it's symbolic™)#the stains on the cloak are blood btw! since injury/death so consistently brings these two closer together#(and the red symbolically brings the yellow closer to arthur's brown color scheme)#the blood on the CROWN is legally john's though. or. the king's more accurately.#the intact crown on the king himself pierces through the cloak like barbs#this is all a metaphysical representation and not Actual blood ofc but (gestures vaguely) you get it#i'm talking too much whatever it's very late i probably shouldn't even be posting this WHO CARES#tomorrow i will have my proper pc back and not be drawing on an ipad old enough to have a tumblr acct maybe i'll do something better then#fuck it hit post#mv liveblog#<- almost forgot
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Why do I tell people to play indie games?
K' so you may have seen that post I made a little while ago asking people reblog and put into the tags an indie game that they did NOT like.
I made that post because I wanted to hear about what indie games people had bad experiences with. There was another post I made saying "Tell me you don't play indie games without telling me you don't play indie games" in response to a ton of youtube videos saying modern video games are no longer fun. A lot of tags would say, "Well indie games can suck too!" This response was extremely silly to me and I wanted to know what games they could be talking about.
I didn't ask for it, but so many people starting explaining why they didn't like a certain game. So I decided to make a little pie chart with the reason people would give in the tags
There are some outliers not here. There were 5 tags saying a game offended them and some responses that were too specific to really count. Half of the posts also gave no explanations so I'm not going to act like this is representative of every response on that post.
Okay so what's the point? Why did I do this?
There's this one 30 minute video by Josh Strife Hayes that does a super good job showcasing all of the bad practices that happen with modern gaming. He talks about each issue thoroughly, but I'll list them here:
Microtransactions, Limited Progression, Invite Boosts, Premium Currency, Loyalty Programs, Selling Power, Battlepasses, and Selling Progression
He doesn't even mention other issues like games releasing in clearly unfinished states, games that are clearly chasing trends, and game developers being restricted by their publishers.
Why is this significant? Well answer me this: Was there a single tag response in my post that complains about an indie game doing these things?
Say what you want about indie games, but I bet you didn't pay $60 and got psychologically manipulated to spend more on that game. I bet you weren't getting manipulated by some free to play model to spend more money than you would on a normal game. I bet the game actually released in a finished state and even if it did, the game clearly communicated it wasn't done.
Sure, you could give me examples of indie games that do have those bad practices, but I guarantee you that you cannot prove that most indie games do this.
So yeah, play indie games. Don't support corporate bullshit unless you know the game was made with the player's best interest in mind.
#indie games#video games#aaa games#gaming#and yeah pay attention to middleware games too#long-ish post#think of it another way#which game is worse? The game you hate that you spent $60 on or the game you hate that you spent $25 on#Battlefield 2042 would NEVER happen with an indie game#remember how awesome gaming was ��back in the day?”#yeah you can experience that right now by playing indie games and middleware titles#who knows maybe if everyone stopped supporting these god awful AAA games with their money they'll wise up and actually make some good games#also shoutouts to another post that could very easily flop due to my small blog lol#I like get my thoughts and reasonings out of my head though#dont want my thoughts festering in my brain I need more space my obsessions#would like to see this post reach those who responded to the other posts though#will probably reblog it later tomorrow
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