#why was my first thought to compare this to a child whose parents are having a nasty divorce???

[h-didanart]

They are yelling again...

Is it my fault?

I wasn't careful...

I miss you guys...

I wish I could have saved you....

Good to bad au

:(

Poor Bloody, he’s blaming himself, he doesn’t deserve that :(

And they’re visiting—

:’’’’’(

I’m dead

I’m dead from the sadness

I’m gonna cry on the floor from how sad this is

Heartbreaking, 5 stars, please keep this up

[404-mind-not-found]

My interpretation of William Afton's origin of villainy is that he never grew up with much control over his life. I imagine he was an only child, and that his parents were the sort to spoil him but do nothing else that was memorable, so he never had anyone for emotional support or to hang out with. He probably was liked at school due to his intelligence and natural way of speaking, but never gained any close connections.

Maybe when he thought something good was about to come for him, something big happened, like a big move. Maybe he gets a girlfriend near the end of highschool, finally, but never feels that closeness he expected, compared to how everybody else described their love life. Then they have a kid unexpectedly, get married, though it was way more impulsive than anything. This was worse than he thought. Now this wife and their little boy Michael was controlling his every waking moment, just as he finally gained the powers of adulthood, too. She was considering having another kid, meanwhile William was considering running away. Everything was out of control.

But then, he finally sees his way out. By coincidence, he meets a man, Henry, who he saw flickers of himself inside. He was lost, desperate for connection in such a crazy world, with a lack of affinity for other people. This was his chance, and he wasn't letting that go. Sure, he did push a few people out of the picture, out of Henry's life, but it was necessary. He started a business with him, watched as this man created life from nothing all day long, and then he would go home to his family at the end of each day. He liked the idea of robots. You could make them do anything you wanted and they wouldn't even bat an eye. He wished everybody worked like robots.

Their friendship turned sour, at one point. First, he was envying him, then it became an obsession, and Henry never noticed a thing. He thought he was winning the game, but William knew who was playing it. It felt powerful to be able to be on the other end for once, to be in control of somebody else's actions, so he took every little opportunity he could to do so. It seeped into his other relationships, which were definitely already affected by this but it became much more noticeable starting then. His wife, whose love for him was dimming, and his three children, too, Michael, Michael's brother, and Elizabeth. He just never knew how good it felt until now.

His pent up anger boiled over when he felt he was losing that control once again. Maybe the two men have some sort of disagreement, or maybe he's spending too much time with his own family, something like that. Their business was booming in popularity, why was he backing down now? He couldn't handle this properly, since he never learnt how to express his feelings with others, so it came out explosively in a burst of colour and fading light.

After being out all one night, he sped his way back to the restaurant. He didn't know what was going to happen when he got there, but he was shaking with anger and needed an outlet. When he arrived, he slammed the door behind him to see... Charlotte? Like, Henry's daughter Charlotte? The hell was going on!? He was confused, but still very very angry, so he threw her aside and went to open the door. But she tugged on his arm, wanting to come in with him. He didn't know what came over him at that moment. First they were out of sight, then he was trying to get her to stop crying, then breathing, and then he was staring down at her on the ground. He fled, knowing he had killed her, but he didn't seem to care at that moment. It felt freeing. Not only was Charlotte now gone, meaning that's one less person Henry was with, but it also meant the latter would come running back to him. The world was in his hands.

[effervescentdragon]

The ending of The Penumbra Podcast's The Second Citadel is the most disappointing ending to me since Avengers Endgame. I'd probably compare it to Game of Thrones, if I'd watched that.

I got some things to say. Heavy spoilers ahead.

I genuinely haven't been this disappointed in writing in a long time. I don't know what happened - from season 3 or 4 or so onward both Second Citadel and Juno Steel seemed to change, and althought I haven't really been suoer excited about the path Juno's story has taken, I was actually pretty invested in the Second Citadel. I thought the whole war with the offworlders plotline was good. Even more, in the world we live in right now, seeing the way human-monster conflict was done was very inspiring. Humans finding out their legends of great victories are just massacres of monsters commited in the names of Saints who were actually standing for the exact opposite of what they've been made into, the way propaganda works, it was very dear to me ans it was something I was convinced was important to say. So many characters and their developments were written so well that I was enjoying the fifth and final season immensely. And then, that finale.

Despicable. Hollow. So badly written. Not honest for a moment. Underwhelming. Lazy. Nonsensical.

When you have a magic world in which anything can happen, you cannot use the excuse of "I wrote myself into a corner". When you make the Universe a deus ex machina capable of making a half human-half monster child, you do not have an excuse of not resolving the story in a way that's satisfactory and that makes sense for the characters. Whet the writers have done is lazy, and cheap, and so unsatisfying that for a whole day, I have been reeling from how much disappointment I feel.

Let me go one by one character and try to put my thoughts in order and explain why this finale falls short of everything I expected and everything that could have been done.

So the Universe needs more magic to defend itself, and it's spending too much on keeping Olala alive. Alright. You have a thirteen year old kid whose first home was torn apart by a warmongering zealot, who is the only one in the world of her kind, who is the Chosen One. Sometimes, the Chosen One needs to die for the story to make sense. But to have a thirteen year old commit suicide in sacrifice to save the world, after ripping her from one home, then giving her another (Silvershore), only to raze that one to the ground too with zero payoff, after giving her a parental father figure who promised her a life where she would be taken care of in the future (Sir Lamorak) and then killing him in front of her, which directly follows her parental (mother-ish but not rly, more of a mentor) figure of Caroline also dying in front of her, which drives Olala into despair of knowing both her caretakers are gone and then having the Saints Relics destroyed not be enough... the emotional toll of that has no payoff. The cheap card of "maybe someday Olala will come back" is unsatisfying and callous in a most horrifying way.

And since I already mentioned Lam and Caroline, let's delve into that. Lam's death was very neatly set up and it's the only one that makes sense, somewhat. He was a Knight of the Citadel who did horrible things, fell in love woth a mermaid and changed his ways. The conditions of his duel with the Tengu (not to pick up a weapon again lest the Tengu comes back and devours him) are a piece of very good writing, because how could a Knight with a child not pick up a weapon in the middle of the war to defend that child? That, I understand. (A deus ex machina of Universe asking him of he wanted to come back would not go amiss, and as his wife once said, she is your child, and you have responsibilities. But maybe that's just my wishful thinking.)

Caroline need not have died. Nor did Quanyii. Quanyii absorbed the Universe's magic, yes, but a sacrifice for her would be to live without magic anymore. One whole moment in the story was Quanyii lamenting how bad she is at healing magic. She could have given all the magic to heal Caroline, and they both could have lived, fundamentally changed by the experience. No, instead, they died. Pointlessly, pathetically, with some cheap reassurances that were supposed to sound deep and meaningful. All of Olala's caretakers taken away right before she goes to the heart of the Universe to kill herself.

The rest.. I don't even know where to start. Ale spouting some reassurances to a grieving Angelo felt completely dishonest after he spent years chasing his own revenge, whose unsstisfying conclusion he is now suddenly alright with. All the floscules about building a new future fall flat in the knowledge of what the sudden end of the war means. Queen Mira being absolved of all her incompetence and not being Queen but urging democracy now, as if she didn't hold as much responsibility as the bloodthirsty knights she enabled, ignoring all advice to the contrary. What a cop-out. Much like with Sir Mark, who actively participated in genocide and who has been miraculously absolved by his brother (without even properly apologizing, because Talfrin does it for him) and they ride off into sunset together. Despicable.

And Rilla... goddamn it. The worst piece of writing I've seen in a long time. A magical ot3 child for a woman who is, above all, a scientist. That line, "I don't even have time to go through my notes of the knowledge I lost because there is so much new magic", and then they use that magic to make a child, although Rilla has never indicated wanting one. What to do with a female character when you don't know how to handle her? Why, give her a child, of course! So disappointing, so cheap, so out of character.

The Universe in this story is a deus ex machina in itself. It could have brought Olala, this child everyone claims to care so much about, back. This story could have gone a million other ways. The characters could have stayed true to themselves and the message of the story could have been poignant and memorable. There are ways of writing a story rife with logical, necessary sacrifice while still giving the audience adequate payoff and giving them hope and belief in good things. While still completing the journey and staying true to your characters and your message.

This story did none of that. It relied on cliches, empty sayings and hollow moralising to justify a sacrifice of a child for some bigger cause. It betrayed all its female characters and either turned them into caricatures of themselves, or killed them. It absolved everyone of responsibility and closed its eyes from the gruesomness of its actions and pretended it cannot see, because look, the war is over and all is well! It disappointed so heavily with its hollowness that it soured everything, the whole story for me, and I won't ever relisten to it.

The most important thing to ask yourself when you're writing is "what story do I want to tell". And given that this was the story the writers chose to tell... well. That says enough, I think.

I shudder to think what Juno Steel finale is like. I don't think I want to listen to any it anymore, to be honest. And isn't that the most disappointing thing of all?

[sphnyspinspin]

Hey guys, I kind of have an idea that’s just been wracking around in my brain.

We are all familiar with these terms in Transformers, correct? (Let me know if I missed any)

Conjux Endura: A transformers significant other, an individual that they deeply love.

Amica Endura: A transformer’s long-term best friend.

Okay. Now imagine there being a third NEW Endura. Like-canonically.That I feel like would be super cool. Especially with the new found-family tropes going on with the more light-hearted transformers shows. *gestures towards Rescue Bots, Rescue Bots Academy, and Earthspark*

Let me gather my thoughts for second. Okay, these terms are most definitely Latin decent(but let’s pretend they are not at all related to earth or something for intriguing purposes), with Endura meaning to last, to carry out, and endure. Conjux referring to a spouse, a mate, a consort, literally just romantic marriage. Amica means a beloved friend, a best friend.

Considering that the transformers species are immortal, these pacts are way more important and special than just regular confessions of love and friendship.

If you’ve been in the transformers fandom for a very long time, well, compared to me, whose been in the fandom for-less than a year, any of you who are reading this post and have part of this fandom for more that five months is way longer than my time spent here. A-Anyways, I’ve seen lots of rants and discussions over how-OMG they are such a good father figure-or mother figure-or parental/mentor figure to this character in transformers. And trust me when I say this, I AM ALL FOR IT.

So hear me out….

Filial Endura

Filial Endura: A transformers adopted offspring.

Filial is of or due to a son or daughter, or any gender in this case.

THINK ABOUT IT. Just imagine there being a NEW form of Endura within the transformers universe. A new way of raising the new generation through teaching them YOUR own experiences. Not to mention you’ll literally be bonded to them so it just ups the amount of care and patience you’ll have to put into them, as a parent figure.

AND THATS NOT EVEN THE BEST PART! Imagine how wholesome the Filial Ritus could be! It would definitely be similar to how a parent tries to connect with their child, and like most parent-offspring relationships, this ritus can’t be complete within a day.

What separates the Filial Endura from the other two, is that it takes time to grow, as the child (in a familial sense) grows up (in a mature and age sense) with their new and old surroundings with the parent. There will absolutely be more ups and downs, they’ll get into arguments, they probably won’t agree on everything that is important to the other, and they will most likely not be the same person that performed the first act long ago. The parent and the child will be different people by the end when the ritus is complete. The whole point of this new endura is that they can love each other unconditionally, to help each other grow into good people, especially help the child grow into a good person, or even the child helping the parent grow into a better person. What matters is that they’ll love each other no matter what.

Each act will be long-term, meaning that it doesn’t just stop after one step at a time, you have to keep on doing it, as long as the other is growing.

Acts of devotion: devoting one’s time to each other, so the other may feel like they’re in a safe space to express themselves freely.

Acts of responsibility: for everything one teaches the child, one must be responsible for how they are taught to perceive the world.

Acts of affection: they show their love through different ways, depending on how different their love language is (ex: gift giving, hugging, playtime, or just talking to each other)

Acts of discipline: no matter how much you love each other, each of them can make mistakes and need to be disciplined as a lesson and a punishment; it also matters how and why they are being disciplined as to build trust in the future.

I hope this makes sense. Please let me know if there is anything I could change to make this make more sense. The four steps were completely made at the top of my head, I hope they can convey they right amount of the complicated aspects of parent within less than five sentences.

[destiel-wings]

Listen I love jack I think he's awesome but I still dont feel like jack was an elevated replacement of Crowley cause man did I LOVE Crowley either way I still love jack...but I had a thought imagine if jack storyline didn't existed that castiel was made god Instead...can you imagine the poetic implication of God being in love with Dean Winchester omg like that has just bamboozled my mind...dean Winchester who never takes credit of anything being loved by the absolute supreme??? him being bestowed the absolute validation??? LIKE THAT IS JUST PERFECT....AND LIKE CAS WAS LITER LIKE

cas to anyone else: I will kill you

cas to dean: I'm your huckleberry

God being only soft for one individual yea no bye i want to bury myself rn cause I need this

I absolutely love Crowley too!! I never thought about Jack as a replacement for him, but I see where you're coming from.

The thing about Jack is he brought a whole different dynamic for team free will, narratively speaking. He reshaped all of them, bringing a lot of new story territory. When i first watched s13 I remember that I noticed and loved how much Sam's soft approach towards Jack made me appreciate him once more, reminding me why I love Sam so much. His own storyline had been weaker up until that point, but when he decided to take care of Jack, fighting for him and taking upon himself the responsibility of a child (the way Dean had done for him), that was a huge step for the character. It was growth, and it shed some very much needed good light on Sam and his good empathetic heart.

For Dean, Jack brought an intersting conflicting dynamic. I love the initial opposition that seeing Jack triggered in him, for the way it underlined his grief of losing Cas. I think seeing a character like Dean, who had always been collecting stray kids, and whose main role since he was a child had been that of the caretaker, struggling so much with Jack, was very interesting. Because Jack is a mini Cas. He's Cas's kid. And so, Dean's kid. He's not his brother, or a stray kid that he can befriend providing a parent-like care (like with Claire or Kevin, in a way). Jack is, in every way possible, more like a son. And for that, it gets harder. One gets meaner sometimes, because it's family. And it's not fair, but in the dynamics of the show, in the portrayal of family that we've seen, and that the boys have grown into, it's as real as it gets. And one makes mistakes. Dean certainly made so many mistakes with Jack, and he sometimes went way too far (like when he said Jack wasn't family in the end of s15 and then the show ended and never let him eat his words to Jack - but again, there's a lot of things that the show never let Dean say in the end...), but still, one can't deny that he cared about Jack and that his introduction didn't bring new flesh for Dean's storyline.

I don't need to explain how Jack affected Cas' storyline. It was simply wonderful to see. To witness Cas genuinely develop a father side and learn a different, completely selfless kind of love. All of that love had always been in Cas, but I think Jack brought it to surface even more, and who knows, maybe that's even what helped Cas realize that his feelings for Dean were different, romantic. Because he now had something else that was just as strong, but felt completely different to compare it with.

Ultimately, I think the point is that Jack kind of brought the whole team together even more strongly. He was like glue that kept them together, in a way that felt even more impossibly like family. And that's why i think it's so beautiful, and why his introduction was a great move that gave new life to the show.

With Crowley... they did him dirty. He was such an interesting character but towards the end the writers stopped caring about him and his storyline had become stale. His main feature, his wit, had been turned against him when they had him do a couple of stupid things (the whole storyline with Lucifer), and they just demeaned his character until he killed himself. And while i love that he was the one to do it, and for a good cause, to save our boys, his sacrifice was ultimately rendered useless too since Lucifer didn't even stay trapped but escaped and kept bringing problems.

I think the wiriters got a little bored with the character and didn't really know what to do with it, but they should've given him a refresh instead of killing him. I would've loved a storyline where he became a real part of the team. Imagine team free will being formed by hunters, a nephilim, an angel and a demon? Seeing Crowley become one of the good guys (while still being a demon) might've brought a lot of interesting story territory for them. The constant diffidence. The struggle to constantly prove his loyalty and gain their trust and approval, his relationship with Rowena developing in all this... it would've been fun. I'm thinking it might've been something like Spike's storyline in Buffy's fourth season (for those who are familiar with the show).

OR, imagine if they had him develop on what s8 started, and had him be cured as a demon and become human. Either by his own free will or by force. I'm imagining him somewhat like Endverse Cas, some sort of pariah, maybe hiding away as a hermit with a life crisis, that could've been treated both in a funny way, but also with some real moments of depths. With the Winchesters coming to look for him for his knowledge, seeking help and finding him in a sea of bottles, depressed and purposeless and overwhelmed by feelings, until they gave him something to fight for, a reason to get up, and eventually he might have become part of the team.

That's what I would've done, and I think either solution would've been better than what his character got, but anyway. 😅

I'm not sure i understand how Jack's absence would be linked to Cas being revealed God, since Chuck had already been established as God by the time Jack arrived (are you talking about Godstiel?) but anyway I see your general vision about Cas being God and being in love with Dean and... yes, oh, yes, that definitely would've been something. I'm thinking about Dean's "Cas? Are you God?" and that would've been sweet. Instead we got a different kind of God who was still obsessed with Dean, but unluckily, not in a good way.

But again, every show needs conflict, so we couldn't have it the sweet way. Just like the characters, we were doomed from the start.

Thank you for the message <3

[neonstatic]

my given name and i have an interesting relationship. well, first off, i don't like. i dislike it, even. there's no doubt abt that. i've disliked it long before i understood i was nonbinary. it's just not a good name to me. i don't like the way it feels and tastes in my mouth. i don't like how it sounds out of people's mouths. no one has ever managed to say it in a way that makes it sound appealing. it's not a name you can sigh dreamily nor moan erotically. i mean, you can try, but however good you might sound, I'll be too distracted by the name itself. (i think i've learned to speak so delicately bc i've subconsciously wanted to sell my name as best as possible. yes, that is my name, it does kinda suck, but don't i say it so nicely?)

compare this to my sisters' names. they have sweet, feminine names that end in the letter a, and if you put all their names next to each other, you notice a certain motif. they just fit like a bouquet.

i feel like you can tell from my name alone that i'm the last child; they were running out of fkg ideas to follow the motif, so much so that they entirely dropped it! they couldn't even make my name end in an a!

i've never liked my name, always felt a little ashamed when meeting ppl bc i knew i'd have to introduce myself and see the split-second look in their eyes when they process and register (with difficulty) my painfully geriatric yet forgettable name. and it sounds so, so much worse in english.

egg or chicken? i think my name might've made me trans -- no, pls, let me elaborate: my name sounds like a typical old name, but spelled differently and thus pronounced differently, with none of the elegance and not even an a at the end. "oh, ray, why are you so obsessed w the a at the end?" bc i grew up surrounded by girls with pretty names that ends in a! and i was a little "girl" w an unpretty name that did not end in a! i legit had a complex abt that jabfjab everyone is aisha and christina and sarah and mona and then you got this mf whose name reminds you of a four-eyed mole in a tutu.

(in middle school, we had to write a story, and i named my protagonist, a 12yo girl, wayne. "that's not a girl's name," my teacher told me. "yes, it is." i said. and that was that.)

(i named that little girl after my favourite rapper at the time... y'all figure it out ✌🏾)

i've wanted to change my name long before i understood my gender. i had the spare thought that one day, maybe, i'd grow into it. i didn't like having and showing tits until literally two years ago. i think the chest tat helped. (frankly, most days i still don't. moving boobily is humiliating esp when you're a fast walker.) i've yet to grow into my given name. don't think i ever will. i rly dislike it. i'm no longer used to it either. i've changed my name at work and made so many new friends who know me as ray, and even my closest friends call me ray most of the time (or juno if they feel a lil frisky). and now i feel good introducing myself.

not only that, but i also experience ppl having fun w my name! nothing big, rly, but i do not have enough fingers to count the amount of ppl who make analogies abt the sun, the stars, or light in general. it's mostly silliness, i know, but i can't help feeling like others see that my name makes sense for me too. ray is a name that fits me. and i love it! yes, everyone does the "ray of sunshine" thing but it never gets old! never, do you hear me?! it's the best thing in the world to me!!!

(still, there are two things i like abt my given name... first, it's a callback to my parents' names. my dad also has a very interesting name but i'd rather have his than mine. another name better exprienced in french. second, my mom and i share a nickname. i found out when i was a teen and a relative called out my family nickname (or, well, one of two), only for my mom to respond. i love love love nicknames, bc that is what made me discover my chosen name. and i love that my mom and i share a nickname. it feels sentimental to me. idk how to explain it. i esp love when we use it for each other in casual. it's fun and lovely.)

[csa-survivor-confessions]

(?) First off, thank you admins for taking the time to run this blog- the resources and comfort y’all provide means so much. I’m on mobile so sorry for writing a poorly formatted novel length ask lol

I have unique trauma, and I never see it discussed anywhere else so in the interest of possibly helping someone who hasn’t put the pieces together yet I wanted to talk about it.

When I was around 3, I got a UTI (im a cis woman). My doctor wanted to make sure I didn’t have kidney reflux, so they ordered a test called a VCUG. In short, what they do is put a catheter in you with no sedative/topical anesthetic, pump your bladder full of radiocontrast fluid until it literally backs up to your kidney (incredibly painful), and then you’re supposed to piss it out on the table or into a towel. I read a study (Goodman et al 1990, can send a link if y’all are interested) researching the validity of children’s testimony in court about CSA trauma (like how accurately they could remember the incident), and the “test” they used is the VCUG because it has every characteristic of a rape, but it’s a medical procedure (direct, painful genital contact and penetration with a foreign object by a stranger while a parent watches). I had it done twice in 6 month, and when my doctor ordered a third test “just to see” my mom put her foot down and said no.

It was my first memory, but for 23 years of my life I believed it was an exaggerated or false memory because it seemed cartoonishly traumatic and I didn’t believe it was a real medical procedure. I thought that it was just an ultrasound and because I was so young and scared I constructed that memory. But it WAS real. I found my medical record and put the pieces together myself as an adult. my first memory is of strangers undressing me, touching me, my mother helping the nurses restrain me, them “taking photos” of me with ultrasound and X-ray equipment, being denied autonomy over my own body and being treated like a science experiment. My entire life, I’ve been so confused, not knowing why I can’t set boundaries or have normal relationships, or why I gravitate towards people who have severe trauma, and why I understood how they felt. I always felt guilty because I didn’t have a “story” like they did. I believed I was just Incredibly Fucked Up For No Reason because I grew up in a stable home (for the most part), and I felt like I didn’t “deserve” to have those feelings because I didn’t think anything happened to me. But it did, and it /severely/ traumatized me. Because it’s my first memory, it’s a cornerstone of my personality, for better or for worse.

So my question is- now that I know what happened, how do I cope with feeling like a victim if there is no true perpetrator? There is no face attached to my trauma, nobody to blame. I was a toddler, the doctors and nurses were just doing their job, and if my mom didn’t follow their advice she’d be accused of medically neglecting her child. I guess I can be mad at the for profit medical system and the fact that doctors are financially incentivized to order those tests, but I feel like I can’t get complete closure from that. I want to tell some of my friends who have opened up to me about their own csa trauma, but I feel inadequate. Like on one hand, I didn’t get raped. It wasn’t like a family member I trusted was coming into my room every night. But on the other hand, it’s more extreme in a way? Like a medical bdsm gang rape while my mom watched. It’s dehumanizing in a different way because I wasn’t even seen as an object of attraction, I was like a lab rat. I have all of the same problems, the disassociation, the identity issues, the sexual problems, addiction, and self harm in the form of an eating disorder. I know that its not fair or healthy to compare my trauma to anyone else’s, but I’m just anxious about the reaction I might get from my friends whose experiences were more “textbook” abuse. So I’m kinda testing the waters here, if y’all have any advice for me I’d appreciate it.

This is more of a confession than a question, but I also have a memory gap from ages 7-9, and my therapist thinks something else was happening because losing two entire years like that is Not Normal. I can’t even recognize myself in photos from that time period. It’s a pretty disturbing feeling. I was already showing hypersexual behavior around 6- is it bad to hope that I do find out someone hurt me, so I can have a face to my trauma? So that I can find someone to blame other than myself and externalize the pain?

thank you again for reading my novel again I’m so sorry for the formatting 💕

Hello,

I think it could be good to understand it as a medical trauma along with sexual aspects. It sounds like you had a doctor who didn't know what he was doing or had incentives to put you through unnecessary testing which could count as medical malpractice.

Medical trauma rather from necessary procedures or unnecessary is something that feels like a violation of bodily integrity. Because you are having things in your body that are not a part of you. It's not gang rape, but it is a group of people treating you not like a person and putting your body through extreme physical and emotional stress. That is extremely traumatic and will have huge effects on anyone, especially children.

I personally have gone through a lot of medical trauma along with my CSA and psychological abuse. I have nightmares, body memories and flashbacks to medical events.

You are not alone in having gone through rare medical procedures and experiencing medical trauma from them. It might feel like you have extremely unique trauma, but other people have experienced rare medical procedures that caused trauma reactions or feel like sexual assault. Many tests and medical equipment go into the body (all kinds of feeding tubes, ostomy bags, catheters, tracheal tubes etc) and can feel like our bodily integrity has been broken.

Even if there isn't one huge perpetrator because the people were doing their job, that doesn't make you to blame for what you are going through. You can blame the doctor I suppose for ordering a test you didn't need, but you can also blame no one. No one had to be "evil" for the trauma to be real. Medica trauma is extremely real and no one is always in the wrong, it's just extreme stress on the brain so you experience trauma being held in the body.

I think when you get thoughts about your trauma not being valid because there is not one perpetrator, try and counter that thought. Maybe something like medical trauma is real, and so are my feelings. You can also practice journaling or making art about your trauma as this will help externalize your story and organize thoughts and emotions.

Many coping skills and trauma processing therapies (examples: somatic experiencing or EMDR) that work for CSA will also work for you. There are nuances to every trauma type but many skills overlap. [Resources-Info & Coping Skills]

Your trauma is valid, important and discerning to be heard and respected. Because you were put through something that hurt you and that's important. You are important and so is your story.

I wouldn't tell your friends your trauma is worse, as I don't think it is going to go over well with them I would also say knowing your abuser found you sexy isn't a protective factor against becoming traumatized.

I think telling your friends could be good, maybe don't frame it as "I experienced the same thing you did" or "I went through some more unique so it's worse" but instead frame it closer to "I experienced extreme medical trauma that had similar effects to sexual trauma. I could use some support in dealing with it." I think that framing will get you the best outcomes. Because you deserve to have the way it affected your sexuality respected, but framing your abuse in competition with there's might cause bad results.

Wanting our abuse to look like what trauma is generally shaped as, looking for a perpetrator or wanting the trauma to be "worse" is all totally normal. You are not a bad person. Also please be careful with recovering memories trying to force it can hurt.

I hope some of this helps,

-Admin 1

[emmym1]

My thoughts on... Captain Marvel: The End 2020 (#1)

So as part of my read through of the 2019 Captain Marvel run i've been told that 'Captain Marvel: The End' is an important read that will factor into the story later on. This comic is part of a series where they showcase a possible end for a certain character, these comics take place outside of the normal continuity. So i was quite curious to see what this was all about and how it'll tie into the story. So in this comic we catch up with Carol in the year 2051. Carol is quite litterally a different person now, she doesn't seem to be made out of flesh and bones anymore but moreso out of pure energy. This alone had me very intrigued as it's clear that some really big stuff happened to her that caused her to transform into this energy form. She gets an Avengers distress call from earth and is quite shocked when she recieves it. It turns out that decades ago earth was destroyed by an unknown threat and Carol was at the other side of the universe while it happened. When she arrived she only found destruction and remain of what once was earth. Because of this Carol has a lot of mixed emotions about returning to earth. When she arrives things look worse than she initially remembered them to be. When she finally finds the source of the distress call she is quite shocked to see who is behind it are Gerry & Jessica Drew along with other people whose parents once were heroes. It's revealed that they called upon her to deal with her a radioactive monster that is coming out of the sea. It turns out the earth is a radioactive wasteland and that Hazmat is creating radioactive free zones with her powers. This allowed the remaining civilization to live, however they all live underground. Carol initially thinks this is because of the monster but once they defeated the monster it's pointed out to her that the sun is dying and that normal humans can't surivive outside. Upon learning about this Carol knows what she has to do. And Hazmat realizes this too, she tries to stop Carol from going but Carol points out that Jessica knew that this is what was going to happen from the moment she contacted Carol. So Carol flies into space, to the sun and transforms into the sun itself as she dies. And so this comic ends with the remaining survivors on earth being able to live again and Carol finally being able to save them after not being able to the first time around. This comic was honestly so emotional to me and it made me tear up quite a few times while reading it. Seeing Carol deal with her guilt of not being able to be there when earth initially fell, wondering if she could've made a difference. It was really heartbreaking to see that and how she then realizes that she wasnt there then so she could save them now. Her death was incredibly emotional and honestly was the perfect finale for her character. It was a super bittersweet moment. The way the art visualizes her transforming into the sun was also really beautiful. It was such a perfect moment.

Carol going back to earth and seeing all the survivors who turned out to be the children of certain heroes was also really emotional. Such as Rhodey naming his child after Carol or Nat and Clint naming their daughter katie. It was also really bittersweet because in the beginning you see a bunch of old pictures of Carol and her friends on her spaceship and then you learn most of them are death or have aged significantly compared to Carol. I feel like it must be really rough to see everyone around you die and grow old while you yourself are basically immortal. Carol & Jessica's reunion was also very emotional to me. They shared such a strong bond together and it shows when they finally see each other back after decades. It becomes even more emotional as you realize why exactly Jessica called upon Carol, knowing what she was going to do. It was pretty hardhitting to see how the guilt of not being there for the initial battle destroyed her. Her talking about she hasn't been this happy in ages after meeting the remaining survivors on earth and how no matter how many battles she won or how many good experiences she had, that she always carried the guilt of not being there to save earth. It hit pretty deep to see how all of this affected her. And that her death basically was a moment of freedom for her as she finally was released from this guilt and was able to save earth in the end. It's really well written and it's such an emotional finale for the character. This was an amazing one shot and me tear up quite a few times while reading it! It's a super emotional read and seeing Carol in her final moments and how she thought about her dying was really bittersweet. Seeing her reunite with some of her old friends and meet the new generation of some of her old friends was also incredibly emotional and it really showed how much time has passed around Carol. Her new energy form was also intriguing and really showed she went through a lot through these decades and it really makes you wonder what happened to her. So yeah this was an absolutely amazing read and i'm super excited to see how they'll tie this into the 2019 Captain Marvel run!

[strooples]

Slice-of-life stories

SOL stories or other genres (but with elements of SOL/a SOL feel at times) tend to be my favorite thing to experiment with when coming up with a lot of my stories. Whether they’re upbeat or depressive, more adventurous or more day-to-day realism etc.

So I thought about some of the story ideas I have plans to make one day or just like to think up! I have basically a billion different story ideas and more OC’s than I could count (IDK if I’ll ever post/talk about them here one day?? might have to do something separate there). Some of which have been planned for years — though never written down.

Off the top of my head we have:

A small story revolving around 3 young adult friends who live together in the top floors of a flower shop. The shop is located in the city center of a big city, where usage of public transport is common. The main character being a girl named Juniper, who gets taken in by 2 roommate friends named Pandora (whose family owns the flower shop) and Ainsley when Juniper’s family kicks her out. The story is just a series of the 3 helping Juniper navigate her first few years as an adult, Juniper playing catch up from not being able to learn how to do a lot of things under her parents’ care, as they all explore the city together.

A comic I have in one of my old sketchbooks from 2019 about a girl who does art but is the struggling-to-stay-motivated type (LOL, I guess this is relatable) and works at a sandwich shop. Basically just some small tidbits of her trying to find her place in the world as she introspects through her job, place in the world, future, and self-comparisons. Some goofy scenes happen too, like bumping into old high school classmates at her job or meeting an artist she’s both admired/compared herself to and becoming good friends in an ironic-kinda way.

Another comic idea of a girl who works in a tea shop but has a gigantic pink pterodactyl friend… it’s supposed to be random and on the humorous side here (but I suck with writing humor sometimes, so I’m figuring this one out). The pterodactyl basically gets the tea shop worker girl out of a ton of hijinks in their crazy/chaotic city, where some new customers or a new recently-hired worker tend to draw strings of crazy events that pile up into some more surrealist randomness. *TBH I sort of like having characters in service jobs of big city environments ((not necessarily food or drink places; it could be something random like a librarian bc of the observations they can make of a diverse range of people)).

Some series of short stories of a happy family I wanted to get down. Exploring a 3-generational household that includes: The grandparents, their daughter (the mom) and her husband (the dad) who marries into the family, their 2 kids, 1 of the kid’s friends who stops by often (as their household becomes like a 2nd home to him), and a single mom + her child residing in their extra room — a friend of the 1st mom and whose kid has been friends with the siblings for most of their life. They’re kind people who help others (which explains why the single mom + the siblings’ friend is integral to their family as one of their own), and everyone looks out for each other. TBH, this is probably a story intended to stay happy + wholesome since it’s a bit of an escapism to see everyone have such a happy place together, no one abandoned or left behind. So my intention was to create stories that abound. Like how the quieter sibling has always struggled to fit in at school, the parents’ past love story, the 1st mom’s childhood as the only child, the single mother and her daughter’s story (+ their previous struggles with a living situation), the friend who comes by often and his feelings, how the grandparents are coping in old (etc etc). I guess I also love weaving stories by understanding people in layers, remembering real life people I’ve interacted with, and trying to understand and envision those characters’ lives similarly.

I have one more that’s kind of a nod to Gary Paulson’s “Paintings from the Cave: Three Novellas” — a book I read in schooling that’s stuck with me for a long time. So basically, it’s 3 separate stories in the same book with a common theme: How the companionship of dogs and art have helped characters cope in difficult times. The first story being a kid who copes with a hopeless life by ceramics, the second a girl who never belonged at home or in school by the friendship of dogs, and the last, a guy whose hope in life is both drawing and dogs.

My own idea was generally theming it around sleep problems that pour into your life, and how kids similarly cope with cats and art. But like “Paintings from the Cave,” it’ll still have a bit of a depressive/somber undertone.

So you get sleep issues like:

Insomnia due to anxiety + trauma for the main character of the first story, whose semi-nocturnal cats and sketchbook keeps them company in the moments awake before dawn. I haven’t planned this part out a lot.

Narcolepsy, as a medical condition that screws with a girl’s life (cause community college + work always sucks if you get sleepy in the day but are utterly unable to sleep at night). Because of her situation, she’s almost flunked a few times and a lot of her employers sadly had to let her go. So she decides to use her imbalanced sleep cycle to volunteer at a local shelter that needs night volunteers — where friendly cats help her regain a sense of confidence. You can’t fail at cats or get rejected from them like in a work environment — so long as they’re given space, care, food, and adequate shelter. So their lack of judgment soothes her in such a way.

Being a self-taught lucid dreamer who often uses sleep to escape reality. That leads to their hospitalization later on. But after being let go, they’re guided by a social worker who’s now organized to come by + help plan their life. They decide one day to use some of their dreams’ events and adventures as the springboard to draw out stories. I guess in a way, using art as a new coping mechanism and way to experience joy while awake.

There was a last story I made for a project in my last year of high school that’s also primarily late night-based and involves a sleepless protagonist (IK this is kind of a running thread — unintentional here). I haven’t really taken it seriously or planned in-depth, but it’s also one that crossed my mind ever so often. The plot basically goes:

A young adult lady works as a translator whose job is to travel between countries to work on translation projects. Her company of employment has bases in tons of different countries that work to transcribe anything from newspapers, books, or subtitles on screen. They have different departments for stable work vs. freelancing, and she’s somewhat 50/50 an office worker and a freelancer (tho the freelancery bits take her all over). She’s fluent in Mandarin, Cantonese, Vietnamese, and English — partaking a project that requires her Mandarin + Cantonese skills. But upon the journey, she meets someone who eventually shakes up her quiet, lonely life between countries.

All in all, each of these stories takes the day-to-day situations and pacing. SOL is sorta what I use as a tool to explore different people’s life situations or see through different lenses for a day. Every now and then, I get ideas for new SOL-themed stories but it’s mainly these in my mind right now. I have many that aren’t in this genre though… but explaining my magic-fantasy-adventure-worldbuildy stories will take forever in comparison lolol.

Maybe one of these days, I can motivate myself to act upon my ideas?

[stillness138]

finally got the time to yap about hotd

so people are upset and disappointed with how chood and bleese were done. i will admit to having only read an extensive summary of the book, but i didn't mind it. i'll get back to it but first some general thoughts tm

but reading different reactions and comparing them to mine kinda made me think about how this show adapts the source material in general. i really, really like the show, despite it having specific points i definitely disliked or was also disappointed with (especially in episode 9). because i think it is overall a great adaptation. and not necessarily of the text of Fire&Blood - a text that is harder to adapt to begin with because, as people seem to keep forgetting, it is told exclusively by in-world characters with their individual biases - but rather of the themes, topics and messages this story (and really asoiaf as a whole) is trying to convey.

and people seem to have lost sight of those a little bit too. this thing is about an oppresive, unsustainable patriarchal system that harms just about everyone in and around it. the most drastic change - Alicent being Rhaenyra's childhood best friend - is an excellent piece of adaptation because it allows them to say so much about the topic at hand, more than George did. [a side point, but this fandom, just like the witcher one, should also take a step back from treating grrm as someone who can never err and whose word is holy. the man has a morbid interest in writing child torture porn to illustrate a point he already made 3 books ago. he aint special, and he sure isn't the best thing since sliced bread.] [but actually, on this topic, the choices of where to have nudity, sex, sexual abuse, violence and gore are also made with thought in this show and my god is that so refreshing to see, ESPECIALLY in this universe.]

i would've done the first episode of season 2 differently, would've only set b&ch up at the end and built tension through the whole of the next episode, but i obviously haven't seen the rest of the season. no one has save for unenthused journalists but throwing hands in the air about the lack of this or that is kinda silly. it's literally just the first episode. i'm ready to do the stanczyk and eat my words if i'm wrong, but stuff like pact of ice&fire, how alicole came to be, even more reactions to Luke's death, why the castle was completely devoid of guards,.. may yet be subjects in conversations later on.

the ep manages to have a unifying theme, that being parents' relationships to their (deceased) children, and it gets that across well enough. yes there should have been more of Aegon and Helaena's time with their kids but also, this would've never reached the level of setup the red wedding had. they're not really comparable.

another opinion i've seen and disagree with is that b&ch is portrayed as an oopsie. what do you think Daemon answered to "and if we don't find Aemond?" and why do you think "does she look like a son to you" is said? they knew what they were doing. if anything, their surprise is to how easy it was to get to Helaena. and that is set up too. if Aegon took her seriously, like, ever (this is something he exhibits all the way back in the Driftmark episode), maybe there would be at least some guards. she foresaw the danger and he could've attempted doing something about it or at the very least ease his sister/wife's worries, but he was too busy using Jaehaerys to humiliate Tyland Lannister. [truly the dad to end all dads in this series.] i want to see Aegon wracked with guilt over it, because he definitely directly underestimated the situation.

he is also left with either his wild card brother or his daughter to name the new heir. where have we seen that before. and the not so secret third option is to put Helaena through another pregnancy to hopefully get a son out of it. that's what Maelor would be forced to live with. knowing that he only exists because of a terrible tragedy and the system's requirements for a suitable heir.

i do agree that the show leans towards Rhaenyra's team quite a bit, but i don't think they're being too sanitized. again i'm ready to be the fool, but Daemon has 9 more episodes to openly admit to ordering Jaehaerys's murder.

if the bag was fumbled on anything, it was delivery, but not adaptation itself. this isn't the show of women screaming in horror as men threaten to assault their six year old children. it is a show about a system that manifests as an abuse cycle and ends in tragedy one way or another, and that can be conveyed in a number of ways.

[iliiuan]

Babylon 5 S1E10 Believers

Every Alien of the Week ™️ looks like a Cardassian on this show.

"In my culture, sharing my feelings with a stranger would bring great shame, but since you're not from my culture..."

I hate this debate. Fucking antimedicine religious freaks. You are not chosen. Your child is not special. Your child suffering is unnecessary. Cutting him for surgery does not make him a food animal. Your moral base is garbage and I hate you for it.

Ivonova. You do not knit.

Hoo hoo hoo, doc is taking no prisoners with his colleague.

Aw, doc gave the kid a placebo task. That's so sweet.

Lady doc doesn't believe in providing emotional support to patients.

The legal realities of medical ethics. Delicious.

Ooh, Ivonova gets to play with the toys this week. Finally Sinclair is letting someone else do the exciting work.

If you cut him, he loses his soul. Wait, are they going to murder their child to prevent his spiritual death?

Oh. They're going to the commander. My bad.

I really don't understand how there's not a laproscopic procedure for this disease.

Ha! G'Kar isn't interested. You forgot to make it benefit him. Rookie mistake.

Londo's pretending to be sympathetic is hilarious.

Kosh doesn't even pretend sympathy 🤣 "The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the pebbles to vote." Someone's butthurt about getting medical treatment, I see.

"You're refusing because of your beliefs?" Lady, that's what this whole fiasco is about, isn't it? You are the one refusing because of your beliefs. Delenn is simply not getting involved. "Whose belief is correct, and how do we prove it?"

Earth Central won't even get involved. That's rich.

Wait, why you comparing yourself to Pontius Pilot? Dude chose to release the nastiest criminal instead of the political target. That's decidedly not what you're doing.

I like this kid. He sees through the doc's placebo egg.

I guess the kid can share sacred knowledge with the commander?

How very American of you, Doc. I believe, however, that you have misinterpreted the first amendment.

Ooh, doc. Are you operating without consent? Dangerous.

You really thought lady doc wouldn't have your back?

Ivonova is also disobeying orders, I see.

Oh shit Ivonova. You poked the hornet's nest, didn't you?

Who's going to raise this poor child now, doc?

Uh oh. What happened lady doc?

The parents are oddly... placid. What are they up to? Yeah. That was ominous.

Fucking psycho parents. I hate you fuckers. "He's just a shell." No, he's not. He's your child, and you killed him.

Ivonova got to be the minor hero at least I guess.

Oh, Franklin. Now you know what it's like to work with zealots. You needed to protect the poor child from them. As soon as they called him a devil and pulled knives, you should have known.

[sankdvl]

A New pressure

recently my CBSE class 10th result was declared, as i have mentioned in my previous blogs how much i had been dreading this day. my marks would decide the amount of respect and how much value people give to my opinions and views. peopke say marks don't matter but actually they do, they decide your position and worth in the society and in schools. people treat you better if you score better and this can be observed not only in schools but also among friends and relatives. so naturally like everyone i was scared. since i am a very paranoid person, i thought that i messed up my every single exam, i truly did not know how much to expect

I scored between 96% and 97% in my boards (i am not giving my exact percentage because i don't want anyone to discover who i am, i want to stay anonymous) and i was among the toppers. i don't know why i was so shocked at my result because now that i look back i realise that i actually did work hard and i did not write absolute bullshit in my answer script.

no one expected me to score this high, actually no one in my relatives knew how much i was going to score because neither i nor my familly discussed how i was doing in school and how much i scored unlike all my cousins whose marks were discussed and compared and how much of a big shot and genius they were. everyone expected them to be toppers and easily score in more than 95%.

when they found out about my result, some of them were shocked and happy and developed an expectation that i would be rich and successful while some were shocked and threatened and showed their true coluours. when some of my cousins' parents talked to me on phone they congratulated me with a heavy heart and clearly threw some shade at me, they tried belittle my achievement. they were not happy for me unlike me who was happy for my cousins's achievement, they now started seeing me as a potential threat

this is how i was added to the toxic rat race of success and intelligence. now everyone is paying attention at me and now everyone knows what i am capable of achieving and this has put alot of pressure on me because i want to live up to that expectation and show everyone who underestimated me that i am indeed not dumb. i want to maintain my position as someone who is intelligent and can do wonders and show those who thought less of who i really am. i am paranoid if i will ever be able to become rich and successful as class 10th is said to be the first and the easiest step to my future and from now on i.e from class 11th my real journey of struggle will begin and life will get harder as i pursue my higher studies which will ultimately decide wether i am strong and smart enough to make it and actually become something great in the real world

at the end i wish success to me and everyone and even those who don't like my achievements and don't support me. as i want to see my family as a whole, my cousins and all, living their best life, happily and independently in their own separate worlds and not bothering and interfering with each other as this would bring an end to this toxic rat race in my family of 'whose child is better'. which is currently putting a lot of pressure on me and ultimately making my anxiety worse.

bye

[privateinvestigatornearme]

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[libidomechanica]

He wrong afternoon, full Issue boat

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[101flavoursofweird]

And the most popular vote is… Duchess Elisabeth (my vote), with Vergier (my fave RT parent) following in close second!

To whomever voted for Isaac… I’d be curious to hear your thoughts. Genuinely curious! There had to be some deeper reason for why Isaac abandoned Raphael and I will forever be disappointed we didn’t get to her Isaac’s side of things in the never-released sequel.

I do regret not putting Jean-Francois as a serious option (also, for not making the poll last a WEEK)… because, as one reblogger made in a very good point, there’s no indication that he was ever cruel to Marie before the mask slipped. And, as another reblogger said, Marie grew up in a loving environment at the convent and out of the three kids— arguably, of all the main human characters— Marie is the most well-adjusted. (It’s not much of a contest compared to the young phantom thief looking for his father and the self-proclaimed eye who constantly argues with their father..)

I don’t think it would be unreasonable to say that some of Marie’s qualities of character were instilled in her as a direct result of Jean-François. The are related, with J.F. being Eliabeth’s cousin… not that you need to be related to someone to be inspired by them. But isn’t it interesting how Marie, arguably, was more shaped by J.F. than her own mother? How bitterly ironic!

I can’t remember if it’s stated how much J.F. had a hand in raising Marie… but when Raphael first meets J.F, Marie says J.F. always donates his money and time to the convent. Whether J.F. actively helped raise Marie or not, he contributed to that loving environment that raised her, and thanks to him, Marie was able to take violin lessons. Even if this was to further J.F.’s plan, playing the violin is something Marie loves doing. Her goal and passion is to become a famous violinist. She keeps playing despite the whole ordeal with the chevaliers— Marie even goes on to join the Conservatoire.

Additionally, Marie is polite and kind to nearly everyone she meets. She’s particularly good with children— as seen when she comforts the child who lost their balloon and when she tries to comfort a crying baby. She’s passionate and hardworking when it comes to performing with her violin. At the Palace of Versailles, Raphael considers stealing someone’s invitation to get in and Marie straight up tells him “no”. While not the strongest fighter, Marie has strength of heart, courage and true determination. She is also very forgiving; even after Eliabeth shunned her, Marie plays the song to save Elizabeth’s life. (“I don’t care whose mother you are! I don’t want you to die!”)

Jean-François had a big enough impact in Marie’s life that she was ‘heartbroken’ by his betrayal. (“You broke Marie’s heart!” Raphael shouted at J.F. during their battle.) Even if Jean-François was putting on an act for years— even if it was all just to win Marie’s trust— she still felt that care from him, and it still hurt when he stopped caring for her. You could even argue that J.F’s worry for Marie is genuine when she runs off after the failed reunion with Elisabeth. He needs Marie for his plan! And wouldn’t it be easier to manipulate Marie if she was blissfully happy and unaware? Despite Jean-François‘s betrayal, I think Marie would even forgive him… eventually.

Although, J.F.’s discovery of Marie’s heritage was what drove Elisabeth to give Marie away… an argument could be made that Elisabeth would have feared for Marie’s life regardless. With or without J.F.’s intervention, Marie is still the last blood descendant of the Babylonian royal house. With or with J.F., Marie was still the key to unlocking the Hanging Gardens. With or without J.F., the fate of Marie and the world still could have been at stake, had anyone else (fake-Napoleon, the Chevaliers, Isaac etc.) decided to go after Marie.

And ultimately, Jean-François was the one to reunite Marie and Elisabeth. He is both the cause of their separation and the catalyst for mending their relationship. I find Jean-François so fascinating and if there ever is a sequel, I honestly hope he returns.

This is, of course, excluding Raphael as a dog parent. Because he’d win by a mile.

Also, I know Alfred cares for Marie but I associate him with Elisabeth.

For anyone not familiar with Rhythm Thief but would like to vote, there’s some spoilers and propaganda under the cut taken from a previous post of mine:

Duchess Elisabeth In her diary, Elizabeth writes that the best day of her life was the day Marie was born. Unfortunately, Jean-François (Elisabeth’s evil cousin) discovered Marie’s true heritage of being the last blood descendant of the Babylonian royal house don’t ask

Fearing for Marie’s safety and the resurrection of the Dragon Crown (an ancient flying weapon), Elizabeth gave Marie away to a convent when Marie was yet an infant, with her only possession being a violin… which miiight have helped Jean-François to identify Marie. (Unconfirmed in game!) Whoops. Elizabeth must have been feeling sentimental and wanted to give Marie something to remember her by. Marie can’t even remember what her mother looked like.

Elizabeth doesn’t acknowledge Marie when JF reunites the two of them later on, but we can see how affected Elisabeth is when Marie plays her violin

However, Elisabeth turns her back on Marie and walks away. Elizabeth has to pretend she has no interest in Marie so JF will leave them both alone. Elizabeth demands to know what JJF would want, theoretically speaking, if he had found her daughter. “Money? Honor?” JF, at some point, tracked Marie down, inserted himself into Marie’s life and paid for Marie to take violin lessons so she could unlock the ancient weapon. Elisabeth knows this and she must be terrified.

Later, when the bad guys threaten Elizabeth’s life in front of Marie, they reveal that Elizabeth has been lying in order to protect Marie. (Even the villain recognises this!) Elizabeth tries to keep the act up, insisting that she is nothing but a stranger to Marie. Marie decides to save her and plays the song anyway after hearing Elizabeth call her name in distress. 

Then, when the giant flying weapon has been unleashed, Elizabeth takes a literal bullet for Marie. Elizabeth reveals the truth to Marie and she calls Marie ‘Ma chère, Marie’ before passing out. Marie weeps for her mother

Fortunately, a pendant Elizabeth wore with young Marie’s picture saved her from the bullet. Raphael remarks that Elizabeth was Marie’s guardian angel. 

After the bad guys have been defeated, in the final scene of the game, Elizabeth can be seen peacefully listening to Marie’s music at the opera house. In Marie’s bonus episode, she watches Marie at her examination to enter the conservatoire. She’s glad to hear Marie’s laughter and she encourages her to enjoy herself. She tells Marie to “play like you were playing for him”- Elizabeth approves of her future son in law, Raphael

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Inspector Vergier

In Vergier’s first scene, we see him sending in an army of roller-skating police officers to arrest Phantom R. Vergier takes his work very seriously.

At Paris Constabulary HQ, Raphael overhears Vergier talking to another officer about how he hasn’t been home in days. Apparently, Vergier has been on a certain case since his wife died. The other officer basically tells him, “GO HOME TO YOUR KID”.  (Charlie) Vergier clearly hasn’t recovered from his wife’s death but he’s been neglecting the one family member he has left so…

In a later chapter, Raphael again overhears Vergier talking to his colleague. Vergier asks if Charlie has turned up yet. He knows about Charlie’s mission to hunt down Phantom R, but he considers Charlie’s efforts an impediment to their investigation. Raphael picks up a family photo that Vergier dropped and decides to hang on to it. During his second fight with Charlie, Raph comments that Charlie is just like their father. Charlie snaps at him to “LEAVE MY FATHER OUT OF THIS!” (It’s not like Charlie’s trying to prove their worth or anything- what gave you that idea?)

Raphael goes looking for Charlie after Marie gets captured. He talks to Vergier’s friend from university and learns that Charlie and Vergier just had some sort of argument. Also, the friend comments that Charlie is about Raphael’s age. So... Charlie’s 16-18, maybe. It’s not unheard of for a parent to leave a 16-18 home alone, but Charlie was left at home for DAYS??? Raphael finds Charlie at a cafe and asks them to return the photo to Vergier. Charlier huffs that they don’t want to see their father again, but then they reads the message CharlieMs mother left on the photo. 

During the battle below the ancient flying weapon, Charlie saves Vergier from a bunch of henchmen. Vergier acknowledges that he protects Paris in memory of Charlie’s dead mother. Charlie reminds him that there’s no time like the present, and announces that they’ll help him save the city. Vergier doesn’t refuse this offer. 

In the final scene, Vergier and Charlie can be seen pursuing Phantom R together.

There’s also Charlie’s bonus episode, where they fight off the last remnants (?) of the evil organisation. Vergier announces that the case he was working on is officially closed. He’s realised that no matter how much he warns Charlie to stay away, Charlie wouldn’t listen. He just asks Charlie to stay where he can keep an eye on them.

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Isaac, Raphael’s father 

The first chapter of the game opens with dialogue of Raphael crying as Isaac leaves him. He left three years ago... when Raphael was fifteen. Raphael’s mother previously died in an accident, so Raphael was orphaned.

Raphael became Phantom R and chased after the mark his father left for him on the coin. 

Raphael reveals to Marie that his father was an artist but he never got a big break. Isaac became a forgery artists, swapping his fake art pieces with their authentic counterparts. Raphael tries to fix his father’s crimes and hunt for the mark by returning the real art pieces.  

Raphael thinks that he sees Isaac beneath Les Invalides and at the Palace of Versailles. He’s distressed and frustrated when he loses Isaac in the crowd. Isaac was in a hurry to escape...

During his final battle with Jean-François, Raphael learns that Isaac has been working with J.F. and the Chevaliers. Isaac made forgeries for J.F.’s organisation when Raphael was young and sickly. Raphael insists that he made those forgeries to pay the doctors. So, it does seem that Isaac initially joined the organisation for Raphael’s sake, but his intentions became warped over the years. 

Raphael couldn’t believe that his father would fall in with the Chevaliers and Elizabeth was close friends with Isaac... once. Isaac couldn’t have shown any obvious signs of going to the dark side years ago. 

In his final scene, Isaac discusses with the seemingly real emperor Napoleon that he wants to begin the next phase of their plan. He quietly warns Raphael to be ready for whatever that is.

Note: Isaac’s motivations and reasons for leaving are never made clear during the game or from his point of view. As we don’t have a sequel, these can’t be confirmed.

[swiftwidget]

MHA Chapter 301 Analysis

“The Wrong Way to Put Out a Fire: Part 1” 

  ***SPOILERS AHEAD***

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Who was Rei Todoroki comparing her children to and which child did she see peeking through the door that day?

Chapter 301 is incredibly revealing and shows that a flashback based upon a single character’s point of view is not and cannot be read as the full story. 

What we knew of the Todoroki family - specifically Enji and Rei - mainly came from Shouto’s flashbacks during the Sports Festival and what we essentially overheard the family discuss when the focus is turned on them. 

However! It isn’t the full story! It can even be misleading! 

That is a mind-blowing way to write in a series like this. Just 100% good use of double-meaning and reread value. Horikoshi is honest-to-goodness impressive.

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Chapter 301 reveals at least the first half of the downfall of the Todoroki family structure and life. 

We have a marriage built upon an agreement. 

A man with growing power and influence marrying the daughter of an old-money family that had lost its prestige over time. Both parties understood that they had their part to give. Enji gives Rei’s family a continued connection to power, influence, and money while Rei offers her ice quirk to create the kind of child Enji Todoroki wants.

Enji as the Hero Endeavor has at this point already given up on becoming Number 1. He’s seen the gap between himself and All Might and judged that he comes up short. He simply isn’t able to bridge that gap, but he believes a child of his can - given the right quirk combination. 

Enji and Rei have their first child, Touya, and have a second, Fuyumi, to be his companion and support. 

Enji told Touya what he was going to be, built up the expectation (and pressure) that he’d teach him to be the Number 1 hero. But Touya’s body and quirk don’t match. His quirk harmed his body. At no fault of his own, Touya was judged as incapable of fulfilling Endeavor’s vision. 

All Touya wanted was his father’s attention and affection. He pushed himself to prove he still could be a great hero with his quirk, and hurt himself trying to get the attention he needed as a child. 

Enji, being an extremely well-written flawed character, wants two things: 1) to continue his vision and 2) to get his first child to stop hurting himself. So, he does what he believes would solve both problems. Continue pushing for the successful mix of quirks. His thought process likely being: If Touya could see that he couldn’t bridge the gap and wouldn’t have to, surely he’d stop. 

But to Touya, he’s being replaced. Left behind. Erased. 

Being cast aside and told to try something else only fuels his desperation to prove himself. It fuels his anger too. He continues to self-destruct. 

And he lashes out. 

Where was Rei during all of this? 

Rei, meanwhile, had been upholding her end of the marriage arrangement. Having child after child put her under more and more strain, exhausting her. Maybe she believed that Enji’s plan would get Touya to stop. Maybe she believed that they all had their part to endure to be in this family. 

Then, Touya lashed out at her and the infant Shouto with his flames. 

I think this will be continued in the next chapter, but this is what we already know:

Touya lashed out at Rei and Shouto when Enji pushed him away

Shouto lived mostly separated from his siblings for the majority of his childhood, including Touya who was still present

Enji put Rei in a mental hospital when she poured boiling water on Shouto

Touya’s “death” occurred shortly after Rei was sent to the hospital

If Touya lashed out only once, there wouldn’t be a need to separate Shouto from him for so long. It’s likely Touya lashed out more than once. As sad as it is, it is also possible that he was not put through proper therapy and instead was sedated or punished. 

If Touya wasn’t getting the help he needed and he lashed out with his fire more than once?

How do you stop your child from burning you, your other children, or himself? 

How do you put out a fire?

You pour water on it. 

You use whatever water is nearby. Over and over for as many times as he ignites himself. 

That was Rei’s job as Touya’s mother. When he was upset and burst into flames, she said it herself: “We have to cool him down!” 

So when Shouto overheard her talking to her mother in his flashback, what he understood was that he was being compared to Endeavor and his mother couldn’t stand to raise him anymore. 

But what did Rei see? Who?

She saw Touya as he was when his hair was still turning white. Her baby boy, Touya, overhearing her compare the children to him and rejecting him. Saying she shouldn’t be the one to raise Touya because she can’t help him when she can clearly see he needs help. And in that state of extreme stress, she thought Touya had come to lash out again. 

So she grabbed the water she had on hand and poured. 

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This chapter is incredibly revealing and just the title card itself seems to point in this direction. 

“That’s why I’m here.” Rei is stepping up again to put out a fire. This time hopefully the right way. 

Enji was a terrible father, but not just for the reasons we believed we knew. He never let go of his vision and expected Touya to give up for the same reasons he did. Endeavor pushed Shouto to succeed not only for his vision but also to save the life of Touya whose drive he couldn’t understand. He was and is an extremely flawed and desperate man. 

Rei hurt Shouto, but not because he reminded her of Endeavor. She was scrambling to put out Touya’s flames, trying to do what she could with what little support, mental stability, and options she believed she had available. Pushed to the brink, she slipped up and mistook Shouto for Touya. 

Enji and Rei are both incredibly well-written flawed parents. We’re only now seeing the fuller picture.  

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This is in part a continuation and expansion of this post. 

This post is based on my real-time realization discussion on the Toshinoumu discord manga chat page. If you want to read the Toshinoumu AU/ “I Am...” Series, check out our @toshinoumu blog for more information. 

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Additional fun/sad fact courtesy of @aoimikans​: Rei’s favorite flower is a blue lily. Lily roots and bulbs have been used for medicinal purposes. They were boiled into teas to treat stomach disorders, fevers, and assist women in labor. They have also been used topically to treat sores and burns. The essential oil is used to help treat depression. 

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ALSO I SEE YOU DOCTOR YOU CAN’T HIDE!