#why the fuck am i so chatty this week though

[voxofthevoid]

*squints* People do fucking what?

My favourite fics generally involve switching, but like, thank all the AO3 gods that people are happy to write anything explicit because we'd all starve to death otherwise. My poor tiny brain loves reading smut, but gets as far as "NOW KISS" if it tries to imagine something on its own. Praise be to you and other explicit writers who give us a selection to choose from. Our fic fridges are full with a nutritionally balanced diet.

I carry this burden gladly 🫡

The vast majority of my fics are born because I want to write a particular sex scene. JJK is kind of an anomaly for me, actually, because I usually don't do even this degree of plot. But basically, I just love writing characters getting kinky, preferably with a level or three of character study worked in.

But yes, people do indeed do that. T/b discourse has been prominent in most of my fandoms, but it's been a while since I've had to field it personally.

On the one hand, I do think there are important and interesting conversations to be had about how people view sex, especially penetrative sex, and how stories frame it: for instance, the way topping is equated with greater masculinity and bottoming with femininity, and how this is often countered by an equally nonsensical narrative of switching signalling equality. On the other hand, these are best limited to social spaces without targeting specific fics/authors or attacking anyone because, ultimately, most porn is id-driven self-indulgence. This isn't meant as criticism; id-driven self-indulgence is the backbone of fantasy and whimsy, not just in porn, and I'm no different: I'm a top, so I like writing/reading my favorite characters as tops—nothing deep about it.

As always, lines get crossed and drama brews when people try to inflict their personal preferences on fandom as a whole while also trying to invent "moral" or "objective" reasons to justify their stance.

Things would be fine if we all just peacefully play with our toys the way we want, without pestering people for "doing it wrong." Alas.

[junrenjun]

Dissonance

svt ot13 x beta!reader (omega!woozi focus)

genre: angst

wc: 2.5k

warnings: fem reader, woozi does not like reader lol, arguments, jealousy, a/b/o dynamics, swearing

summary: jihoon doesn't want y/n in the pack.

a/n: i am back in the writing groove with (finally) another understand update :)

Jihoon doesn’t understand why everyone likes you so much. To him, you’re just some random beta girl he doesn’t really know. Why Seungcheol and Wonwoo even thought it was a good idea to potentially make you part of the pack is beyond his brain’s comprehension. 

The omega can’t fathom what it would be like to have you integrated into the pack. The thought of your scent mingling into the rest of the house makes his nose itch. The thought of you being in the pack nest makes him restless. And the thought of you being anywhere near him in heat, his most vulnerable and emotional times, makes him so nauseous he might throw up right this second.

He just doesn’t understand how you would even fit in. The pack has been established for so long you would be missing so many pieces. You missed the years that it took them to finally get settled into the routine they have today. Now you’re going to be thrown into the equation and it just messes everything up. He knows that if he doesn’t agree with letting you in, the pack won’t do it. But, it has been long enough that attachments are starting to grow.

That’s why whenever someone brings you to the den, he shuts himself into their little home studio. And he doesn’t leave until your scent fades or Jeonghan asks him to come out for “proof of life.” Even if he doesn’t have any work to do, your voice is enough motivation to slam the door shut and shove his headphones on. Stupid fucking beta. 

One day, after ensuring it had been at least 15 minutes since you had left for the night, Jihoon finally ventured out into the main room. As usual, a good portion of the pack was there. Still chatty about whatever show they had been watching when you were here, he ignored them and steered himself to the kitchen. 

The room didn’t offer any reprieve though, because Mingyu was standing there peeling an orange and raising a brow at the omega’s entrance. “You could make it less obvious that you don’t like her, you know?”

Jihoon whipped his head toward the alpha at the sudden attack. “I never said I didn’t like her.”

Mingyu scoffed at him. “Yeah because you totally don’t hide in your studio every time she comes over. She thinks you hate her. Maybe at least try to have a conversation with her?”

The omega pretended like he was mulling over the thought. He really wasn’t, but it seemed to appease the alpha. “I’ll think about it Gyu.”

Mingyu scoffed again. “Think about it? You’re going to think about talking to someone who’s here multiple times a week? You can’t hide from her forever Ji.”

Jihoon went to defend himself, but the alpha cut him off. “If she truly makes you that uncomfortable, then we’ll let her go. But I don’t want to do that if this is just you being too stubborn to try. She doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. She really does want to get to know you.”

He tries to ignore the pit in his stomach that Mingyu’s words cause. Instead of responding, he chooses to grab a protein bar and turn back to head to his room. His guilty conscience gets the better of him though, because he pauses for a beat in the doorway and calls out to the alpha, “I’ll sit with you guys at movie night next week.” He misses the smile that crosses Mingyu’s face. 

When he enters his bedroom, Minghao eyes him, but doesn’t say anything. At least he has the ability to keep to himself about this issue. Maybe because Minghao himself was nervous about Y/N’s integration into the pack too. Maybe it’s just because he knows how to pick and choose his battles. Whatever it is, Jihoon is grateful for the silence. 

Once they settle into bed for the night though, Jihoon tosses and turns restlessly. You and the upcoming movie night are fresh in his mind. He shouldn’t have given in to Mingyu. Now he has to face you in front of the rest of the pack. The thoughts continue to keep him up, so he turns toward his roommate’s bed. “Minghao,” he whispers.

A small hum comes from the omega’s mouth, but he doesn’t open his eyes. Jihoon takes this as a cue to continue. “I agreed to sit with y/n and the rest of you guys at movie night next week.”

Now he really has Minghao’s attention. His eyes pop open and a questioning eyebrow shoots up. “Are you sure you want to? No one forced you right?”

Jihoon is appreciative of the omega putting his packmate’s feelings first. “No, no one forced me. But I’m scared. She’s basically a stranger.”

Minghao hums in response, closing his eyes tiredly. “Only a stranger to you, Ji. The rest of us know her now.” And with that, his roommate turns around his bed, a signal that the conversation is over and he should go to sleep.

Sleep doesn’t come to him that night, nor the rest of the following week.

When Jihoon walks into the living room the next Friday, you’re tucked against Wonwoo’s side, chatting happily with Soonyoung, who sits at your feet. There is an apparent lack of scent emanating from you, evident that you’re wearing blockers. Two sticky patches on your neck peek out from under your sweater. 

Half of the pack has already gathered in the room, filling up most of the seating. He’s grateful for Jeonghan, who pulls Seungkwan into his lap, clearing up an empty space at the end of the couch furthest from you. He doesn’t hesitate to sit down.

Jeonghan leans over to whisper in his ear. “Thanks for coming tonight. She’s excited you wanted to join us for once.” Jihoon responds with a dismissive wave of his hand. The older omega frowns, but leaves him alone. 

Jun has taken control of the remote, scrolling through Netflix in search of something to watch. When he hovers over a movie to watch the preview, Minghao says something to him in Chinese and the two begin bickering. Chan is scrolling through his phone, legs tossed up over Mingyu’s lap, who runs his hand absentmindedly over the bare skin. Joshua and Seungcheol finally enter the room, a large bowl of popcorn in the alpha’s hands. It feels so normal, so domestic, that Jihoon can almost forget your presence. 

Almost. Your conversation with Soonyoung has been interrupted, the alpha having gotten up to join Joshua where he sits. Seungcheol takes his place at your feet. Seconds later, the pack alpha’s eyes are on him and yours follow suit not longer after. “Ah, hello Jihoon-ssi,” you call out softly. 

You don’t use honorifics with anyone else in the pack, so hearing the title attached to the end of his name makes his heart ache. He’s not quite sure why though. “Hello Y/N-ssi,” he says back, tensely. 

That’s all the conversation really amounts to. You send him a hint of a smile, before turning back to the man in front of you. He fixes his gaze back on the TV, hoping to once again forget you are there. Jun and Minghao seemed to have finally settled on a movie, the opening credits of some random rom-com rolling across the screen. 

Jihoon allows himself to get absorbed into the movie, tuning out the whispering of those that have yet to start watching. The movie is honestly pretty bad, but he’ll do anything to ignore the way you play with Seungcheol’s hair while Wonwoo’s arm is thrown over your shoulders. 

Maybe 15 minutes in, he can hear the whispering pick up again, but he elects to pretend it’s not happening. He’s caught off guard seconds later when your scent starts seeping into the room slowly. His head whips around and he catches Seungcheol carefully peeling off your blocker patches. 

Jihoon’s not sure what about this image has him reacting the way it does. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re still a stranger to him. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re being somewhat intimate with his pack alpha. Maybe it’s the fact that the action means Seungcheol is seeking out your scent, instead of someone from his pack. Maybe it’s all of them combined, he’s not sure. 

Before he knows it, he’s standing up from his position on the couch and growling. It’s nothing close to an alpha’s growl. But it’s also not a normal, half-hearted, omega growl. It’s loud, it’s high-pitched, and it screams possessiveness. And it’s directed right towards you. 

You’re staring at him like a deer in headlights. Honestly, the rest of the pack is too. No one, himself included, was expecting that. 

“Jihoon!” Jeonghan scolds from next to him, reaching out to grab his hand. He yanks his arm out of the older omega’s grip before he can be pulled back down onto the couch. Wonwoo moves his body a little bit protectively in front of you and asks if you are alright. Jihoon bares his teeth at the thought.

You glance over to him once before responding. “Maybe I should head out,” you whisper. “I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.” 

The pack responds in an uproar. Jihoon doesn’t care to listen to their protests. All he can hear is the ringing in his ears. “Leave,” he says, “you’re just a useless beta anyways.” He can vaguely hear the pack’s shouts and Seungcheol’s warning growl, but they’re angrily pushed to the back of his mind. 

It’s like the insult doesn’t even register in your brain. No tears cloud your eyes. Your lip doesn’t jut out. Your scent doesn’t even sour. You take a breath. “That’s fresh coming from someone who wishes he were one.”

It stings. He hates that you barely know him and yet you read him like a book. Uncovered his wounds from the deepest places in his mind just to throw them out on the table for everyone else to see. He hates you for it. 

Another growl leaves his mouth and before he knows it, he’s throwing himself at you. It’s to no avail though, because Wonwoo is shoving his body between you two and someone is tugging him away by the waist. He gives another growl at whoever decided to put their hands on him.

The sound is cut short when the hands move and one proceeds to wrap around the back of his neck. He’s being…scruffed? He glimpses out of the corner of his eye and spots his pack alpha. Seungcheol is scruffing him. He’s livid. Pissed even. But his stupid, cursed omega body goes limp at the touch. Fucking instincts. 

Seungcheol turns the omega’s body towards him and spits out, “You��ve done enough here. Go.” His body is shoved toward the hallway. The pack alpha doesn’t have to tell him twice. He turns promptly on his heel and stomps off to the studio.

His footsteps aren’t loud enough to drown everything out though, because he can hear Soonyoung faintly say, “hyung don’t you think that was a bit much?” He can also hear the sound of the front door closing, signaling that you had finally left the den. He doesn’t know why his heart aches at the thought. 

It’s at least an hour before anyone interrupts his little pity party in the studio. Surprisingly, it’s Jun who finally enters. He sets down a plate of dinner on the desk wordlessly, before dropping down onto the couch on the opposite wall. Jihoon spins in his chair to face him. “Aren’t you going to say something?”

Jun sits there, picking at the rice on his own plate. “Not unless you want me to,” he says without looking up. 

Jihoon pushes his food around for a little bit in silence, before finally opting to eat. If he didn’t eat now, Jun would probably tell Jeonghan, who would force him to eat later. Anyways, he didn’t realize how hungry he truly was. The plate is clean within a few minutes.

He sets the plate down on his desk, and when he turns back around, Jun is offering the remnants of his own meal. It’s mainly white rice, unsurprisingly. When Jihoon starts eating again, Jun finally speaks. “Didn’t know you could growl like that.”

He chokes on his rice a little. He clears his throat and mumbles, “I didn’t either.”

The man across from him hums. “I was scared at first too, Ji,” he says, eyes softening. “It’s okay to feel what you are feeling.”

Jihoon is…confused. “I thought you liked her too hyung,” he asks curiously. 

“I do,” Jun responds, a faraway look in his eyes. “That doesn’t mean I wasn’t terrified at the prospect of bringing someone new in. All we have known romantically, intimately, physically for the past few years is each other. The thought of getting to know another person like that is scary. We aren’t mad at you for feeling normal feelings. That wouldn’t be fair.” 

There’s a pause as he lets Jihoon take in his words, before continuing. “What isn’t fair though, is you taking it out on her. It’s scary for her too. We only have to get acquainted with one new person. She’s learning about all thirteen of us. That’s overwhelming.” 

Another pause. Longer, like he’s debating what to say. “I’m not asking you to love her. But I am asking you to give her a chance, because the Jihoon I know wouldn’t call someone useless after exchanging three words with them.” 

Jihoon is silent. Jun takes his lack of response as his cue to leave. He collects their empty plates wordlessly and heads toward the door. But before he can turn the handle, Jihoon stops him. “She’s right.” 

Jun whips his head around. “What?”

“She’s right,” he repeats. “About me wishing I was a beta. I think I’m…I…I don’t know,” he says, burying his face in his hands. “I think I’m jealous of her,” he finally says.

The alpha stares back at him with wide eyes. “Oh,” he says, tentatively. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I…” Jihoon starts, raising his head from his palms. “I think I’m jealous of the way she gets to interact with us without having these weird instincts. She doesn’t have to worry about us seeing her in her most vulnerable, helpless state, because she doesn’t go through heats or ruts. She doesn’t have to worry about keeping her pheromones at bay when your body all of a sudden decides it’s horny or it’s angry or it’s stressed. She doesn’t have to worry about the innate desire to submit or to dominate. All that stupid biology stuff that shouldn’t even matter anymore. She doesn’t have to deal with that because she’s a beta and I wish I could be like that.”

Jun simply raises an eyebrow at him. “I think your idea of a beta is a little off from what she actually experiences, Ji. She feels all that stuff too, it’s just a little different…maybe not as intense. You would know if you would actually hear her out,” his words are firm, but his tone is soft. 

Jihoon looks down at the floor. “Yeah. Yeah you’re right.”

“Alright,” the alpha finally says after a beat. “You’re going to give her a chance then?”

“Yeah. I’ll give her a chance.”

[impala-dreamer]

Meet Me At The Beach

A Supernatural Story

~ Texting and emails can feel so impersonal. There's nothing quite like exchanging tangible, handwritten letters with someone you love...~

Dean Winchester x F!Reader, Sam Winchester

4,025 Words

Warnings: Bittersweet Angst. SFW. 

A/N: This is for @jacklesversebingo "Writing Letters To Each Other" was the prompt. I hope you enjoy...

June 2

Dear Dean, 

This feels so weird. Do people really write letters anymore? Am I going to get strange looks at the post office when I go to buy a stamp? Will they even know what to do with this tiny envelope and folded piece of loose-leaf paper? I almost don’t know how to write anymore. My script looks kinda like chicken scratch, huh? Hopefully it’ll get better. It is weird not typing though. But emails just seem like work. Impersonal, ya know? Besides, it gives us something to look forward to when we hit the mailbox. Nice to open something that’s not a delinquent credit card bill, huh? 

Speaking of which- how the fuck do you do it? I just got another card canceled. My credit is non-existent. Fuck, I need to get a job. Could you imagine me in an office? High heels and panty hose and my hair tucked into a neat, matronly bun? I shudder to think! 

OK, this is weird. I just wanted to write “LOL” but it’s not an email. Or a text. Why are we doing this again? Oh, yeah, see above. 

Anyhoo- - - - I don’t even know what to say! Umm… I’m in New Orleans for a bit. Not working, just hanging out. My friend Emily from high school tracked me down online and we’ve been chatty. She’s in a band. They’re not bad. Not great, but not bad. So yeah, I took a drive down to see a show and I’m just lingering. Drinking too much, sleeping past noon. It’s fun. Nice little vacation. 

Which - ahem - you should be taking. When are you gonna get your ass out of that dusty old bunker and stick your toes in the sand? I already told you I’d meet you in Pensacola with sunscreen and a cooler of beer. You know you want to. Or are you just scared to show off your ugly toes in flip flops? Your boots might actually cry if you ever took them off, so I guess it’s just as well. 

Hey, do you remember that night in Richmond when it started pouring and your boots sank into the mud puddle? God, that was a mess. We were soaked to the bone. Nice way to warm up, though - cuddled in the back of the Impala. I miss that car. Sometimes, I think I can hear it at night when the world is quiet and the wind is still. It’s like the engine roars in the back of my mind and I start thinking about all our adventures, all the time we spent driving into the sunset. 

I miss you. Is that wrong? I probably shouldn’t. Or at least, I shouldn’t tell you that I do. But I do. I miss you so bad sometimes that it hurts. Like someone has punched me right in the chest. Maybe we can end up in the same town soon. Grab some tacos and sit on the hood. Make a mess. I’d like that. 

OK, before I get too emotional and start asking you to run away with me, I think I’ll end this ranting scribble of horrid handwriting. 

Write me back soon.

Love, Y/N

June 21 

Y/N- 

Your handwriting does not look like chicken scratch. I like it. Mine is like some toddler just learning his letters. Whatever. I never learned that fancy shit. I can sign my name and make a grocery list. That’s all I need. 

This is weird, yeah. But it’s kinda nice. Feels more… like you’re here. Does that make sense? Like seeing your handwriting, the dents in the paper- I don’t know. Just feels more real. Like you’re not just some computer talking back at me. Also there’s something strange about answering questions weeks later. I meant to write this sooner, but I got a little distracted. There was a Kung Fu marathon on and I just lost track of time. Too much pizza, not enough Carradine. Ya know? You know. 

Remember that horrible motel in Raleigh when we both caught that nasty stomach bug and stayed up all night watching old tv shows? Saltines and Little House. I’ll never forget it. You were so sick that day. Shit, I was sure I was gonna end up taking you to the hospital. Sure, I was puking too, but you looked like death. I hated that. Hated that I couldn’t help you, make you feel better. I did cook up a mean chicken noodle soup though, didn’t I? Not that it stayed down for long. 

Thank god for that yellow Gatorade. And yes- it’s fucking yellow. Not green. 

Anyway- I miss you too. I try not to, I really do. Not all the time, no offense, but sometimes I’m just fucking insane with shit going on. But at night, especially, I miss having you beside me. I miss rolling over and seeing you there, or hearing you snore. I miss feeling your freezing feet under the blanket. I don’t know, I just- 

What can I say? I’m sorry. I’m an asshole. I’m the biggest piece of shit in the universe. I shouldn’t have pushed you away. 

Can’t change the past. Just gotta move on. 

Maybe someday you’ll forgive me. I hope so anyway. 

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t dump that all out in a letter. I almost ripped this all up and started over. I actually let it sit for a day before I came back to it. But, fuck it- we said we were gonna write to each other and be honest, and here I am, being honest. 

Fuck, I’m so tired. That kinda tired when sleeping for ten days wouldn’t even put a dent in it. Yeah, OK, so things are getting a little better. Chuck’s gone for good this time. Jack’s got things back in place, even made a few improvements. Sam’s- well, he’s Sam. He’s fine, doing his thing. The dog is- did I tell you we have a dog now? Yeah, I know. Me and a dog- yeah right. But we do. Miracle. He’s a good boy. I’ll send you a picture soon. 

Never thought I could slow down like this. Feels like for the first time we can just - work. I mean, I’m never gonna give up hunting, not totally, but- feels like I could just ease back a bit. Been looking at some jobs in town- nothing crazy, fixing engines and stuff like that. Don’t know if you remember, but I’m pretty good with my hands. 

Did you blush? 

You did. 

OK. I guess- that’s it for now. I have no fucking idea how to end this so - bye?

~ Dean

P.S.  I’ll meet you at the beach soon. I promise.

Fifteenth of July 

To Whom It May Concern:

Re: Beach Vacation

Dear Mr. Winchester, 

I am very pleased to hear that you are agreeable to meeting me at the beach. It should be delightful fun to run through the surf and hunt for sea glass with you.

Oh shit! Do you remember that new age shop in… where the fuck was that? With the sea glass necklaces in the window that I said were so pretty and the witch inside said they were blessed to give the wearer riches or some shit like that. Where was that? Who knows.

Feels like we’ve been all over the world together. Well, this country at least. Lord knows I could never get you on an airplane. If only you could drive to Paris. Did I ever tell you about my trip to France? God, it was beautiful. Rained the whole time, but it was this beautiful, warm spring rain that made everything smell like dust and petals. Not rose petals, but those little white ones that grow on trees, ya know? It was so beautiful. Fuck it. I’m taking you one day. You need to see more than the dash of your car and the backroads of America. Time to travel!

Speaking of- I’m glad you’re slowing down a bit. I know that won’t be easy for you but if you think about it, you’ve spent the last forty years running from problem to problem like a damned bomb-sniffing dog. 

A DOG?! Dean Winchester, I never thought the day would come. I can’t wait to see a picture. Don’t forget it next time. 

I think you’d be a great mechanic. It was always very hot seeing you covered in sweat and grease especially if you had those damned coveralls on. I mean… what? I don’t think about you like that anymore, you know. It’s over and done with and we’re just friends. We are friends, aren’t we? Maybe something more than friends, I guess. Ex lovers? Ew. I hate that word. Lovers. So gross. Well, then what are we? Just two souls swimming in a fish bowl…

Year after year. Day after day. Do you know that I put nearly a hundred thousand miles on my poor truck this year? Back and forth, up and down the country. I don’t have to tell you how exhausting it is. Fun, but exhausting. Rewarding, but not. I wonder how many people remember me after I leave? Does that family in New Haven think about me whenever they go into the basement and it’s no longer haunted? Is there a photo of me on a fridge in Wilmington where I saved that guy’s fiance from the vamp nest? Probably not. I’m sure people remember you - The Great Dean Winchester. The sexy hunter with the green eyes and the giant black car. You’re hard to forget. Also, you hang out with a giant. Tell Sam I said hi. 

I do remember that puke fest! And it’s green. It’s literally neon green. Fight me. 

We could probably write a book, you and me. ‘Winchester & Y/L/N Do America’. It’s a coffee table book with pictures of random diner signs and gas station bathrooms. Maybe a list of the country’s best french fry places. Shit like that. Let’s do it. I’ll call my literary agent in the morning. Ha!

SPARTA!! That’s where that damned sea glass shop was. It just hit me! Stupid brain. I swear, I’ve been hit in the head way too many times. Broken too many bones. I’m getting too old for this shit. Did you know that my left knee pops whenever I stand up now? Like, how old am I?? I can’t stand it. I need a month at a spa somewhere in the desert. That’d be nice. 

Damnit. I just got a call from Vinnie Alverez. Do you know him? Hunter out of Pittsburg. Anyway- he needs help on a job. Guess I’ll cut this letter short. Hopefully I’ll find a box to drop this in on the way to PA! 

Miss you. 

Sincerely yours, 

Y/N

P.S. - I do forgive you, Dean. Of course I do. Things were just too hard back then. Life didn’t want to cooperate for us. It’s not your fault. Not my fault. It just was. Please don’t carry that guilt in your heart. You deserve better than that. 

August 2

Dear Y/N- 

You’re a real character, you know that? Love the corporate letter. I’m in for the book by the way. Could be awesome. We do need a full chapter on onion rings though. Make a note. 

I heard about your hunt in Pittsburgh. Came through the grapevine that you kicked some serious wolf ass. Nice job, kid. Hope you’re being careful. I know how bullheaded and impulsive you can get when you’re in the zone. Just watch your back, OK? Promise me. Last thing I wanna hear is that you got your heart clawed out or you’re walking around with a demon in your ass. 

Demons. Haven’t seen so many running around lately. Queen Rowena’s been keeping them in check. So fucking weird that she’s in charge now. Not that I’m surprised- she’s a badass bitch. If I had a nickel for every ruler of hell I was friends with, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice. The kids still say that, don’t they? See, I’m not old. I keep up with pop culture and shit. Started watching the tik toks. I still don’t get it, but I like the woodturning stuff. Thinking about taking up whittling. Maybe carve you a keychain so you stop losing them. 

I got a call for a job interview. Chickened out though. I don’t know if I’m ready to start all that, ya know? Start a real life in the real world- just seems- I don’t know, scary. Yeah, I’ve faced every deadly thing on this and other worlds but the idea of getting a 9 to 5 civilian job scares me. I’m some kinda fucked up, huh? 

I think about it a lot though. Getting a job, finding a little house somewhere, settling down. A little fenced in yard so Miracle can run around and dig up dirt. Might put a rocking chair on the porch and watch the clouds, some shit like that. Would you come visit me in my Barbie dream house? I’ll cook you breakfast every morning and you can rub my feet at night. Real cozy couple stuff. 

OK, so maybe I’m thinking about you more and more these days. Maybe I’m regretting leaving. Maybe I’m just an idiot daydreaming about meeting you somewhere in the middle and sweeping you off your feet. One of those running hugs that hurts when you collide but ends in a kiss that makes everything feel better. I’m a real romantic fuck, huh? I was digging through my drawers yesterday and I found a pair of your socks. Those tiny ones that barely covered your ankle. I don’t know why they were stuffed in the back of the dresser, but there they were. Dingy white socks with the pink threads on the toes. I’ll bring them to the beach when we meet up. 

Oh, Sam says hi and he hopes you’re good and he wants you to shoot him a text when you can. You can do what you want, but you better not mail him a letter. That’s just for me. God, my hand is cramping up. I’m not used to this. Oh, and you’re not alone. My knee creaks like a haunted house when I go up stairs now. And my right wrist pops, and my neck makes this weird almost squeaking sound, and my ass- well, I could go on, but just know you’re not alone. Kinda weird to think that we lived long enough to be this old, ain’t it? I never thought I’d live to be thirty and here I am staring down 42. Forty Fucking Two. Can you believe that shit? Goddamnit I got old. Let’s go find a nursing home together. Maybe we can get a double room- or a king sized bed?

Think about it. We could be cranky old people together. Losing our memories and shuffling around with walkers and shit. You’d look cute with white hair. And fuck, my beard’s already going gray. Should I grow out my beard? 

Write back soon. I really like seeing your letters in the box. 

Dean  x

My dearest Dean Winchester, it is with great happiness that I write this letter to you and I do hope that it finds you well and happy and all good things and I can’t keep this formal shit up. Ha!

Anyway- but yeah, things are good. I know it’s been a while since I’ve written, but I was on a little trip around the continent. Headed up to Montreal for a bit. Killed some nasties, salted some bones, generally fucked around. My beloved truck crapped out in Burlington, Vermont, so I had to hang out there for a while and gather my resources to get a new vehicle. I think you’d like her. Green Ford Explorer from ‘94. OK, she’s not as sexy as the Impala, but she gets me where I need to go. Which, apparently, was Maine! I met up with some friends in Greenville. Cute little town full of witchcraft. So much fun. Also had a lobster roll on a pier… I swear to god, they plucked this thing right out of the water and slapped it on a buttered roll. You’d LOVE it. I’m gonna take you there someday. 

Speaking of- We need to make plans for Florida. I picked up a little bikini on my travels and I think I really need to show it off. Maybe you could be my bodyguard and keep the creeps away while I’m sunbathing? To repay you for your services, I’ll gladly let you take it off me at night…

Oh, and I’ve thought about this extensively, and I believe that you should, in fact, grow your beard out. Like, full on, bushy lumberjack beard. I can’t wait to see all that gray. You know I have a thing for older men… and you’ll always be older than me, Dean Winchester and don’t you forget it!

And for your information, I don’t lose my keys anymore! I got one of those… apple taggy things. Now I know where they are at all times. Can’t find my phone to find them sometimes, but that’s another issue. 

Two weeks later, I’m picking up my pen again. Sorry this is taking forever. Things are stupid busy. I wish I could just… put this fucking gun down and go live with you on a farm somewhere. Not a working farm, we wouldn’t keep pigs or anything because gross, but a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. Big white house with a giant tree in the yard and a tire swing and a picket fence and a kid chasing the dog around and - 

Shit. Do you ever think about it? I do. A lot. More than I’d like to and it fucking cuts me up inside every time. I know we could never have kept it, and life- I mean- it just wasn’t meant to be. But I do think about it sometimes. Imagine if we’d just walked away from the life and tried to be a family? Impossible, I know. Maybe in another life. 

Shit, I’m sorry. Fuck. Ignore me. I haven’t slept in a while and I just

I want to see you. Can we meet somewhere? Wherever you want. I’ll come to you. 

~ Y/N 

Dear Dean, 

This is my second attempt at writing this. Crumpled up the first one because I’m an idiot. Am I an idiot? Did I piss you off with the last letter? I honestly didn’t mean to. I just- we said we’d be honest, and you’ve been so open in your letters that I thought it was ok to talk about, but I guess not. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have dug that stuff up. 

I’m so tired and stressed and I miss you so much. Since we’ve been writing back and forth it’s almost like I can’t stop thinking about you. I get so fucking excited to check the mail whenever I roll back into town. It’s like… I don’t know, it’s like Christmas every time I see your handwriting in my box. Remember the time you wrote your name on my thigh in Sharpie? That stayed on for like a week. I shoulda gotten it inked on. That’d be something, huh? Branded by a Winchester. 

Fuck, Dean, I really hope you’re not mad at me. I really want to call you, but we said we wouldn’t. Just write me back, please. 

I’ll be in your neck of the woods next week. Got turned onto a haunting up in Abilene. Maybe we can meet on the road somewhere? Please? 

Hey, did you know there’s a Hunter, Kansas? Wonder why they didn’t build the bunker there. I don’t know, made me laugh when I was looking at the map. 

Anyway- Please write me back. Or call. Or text. Or send a damned pigeon with a tiny letter taped to its foot. I don’t care, how, just do it please. Even if you’re mad at me and don’t want to talk anymore, I get it. But please. Just let me know, OK?

I’m sorry. 

Love, Y/N

Dear Y/N,

I didn’t know you and my brother were writing to each other like this, but I found your last few letters to him in his private P.O. Box. I didn’t even know he had one of his own, but I guess we all keep secrets from those we love. I hope you don’t mind that I read your letters. Not all of them, but the last two that came through. Please know that Dean would have responded if he could have, I know he would have. He talked about you a lot recently. Said you two were in contact and that he was hoping to find some time to meet you for a vacation. I don’t know where you guys were planning on going, but I found a new Hawiian shirt in his closet with the tags still on it. 

I know we spoke on the phone after he passed, but I wanted to send this to you. I was cleaning up his stuff and found his notepad. Looks like he’d started a letter before we left for Canton. I think he’d want you to have it. 

I’m closing up the Bunker soon. I don’t really know where I’ll go, but I can’t be here right now. Not without my brother. 

I’ll always be around if you need anything or want to talk. I’ll always answer the phone for you, Y/N. 

Be well,

Sam Winchester

Y/N/N, 

If I could take it back I would. Every fucking word. I think about it now and I know we made the wrong choice. I know we could have made it work if we tried. But we are both total fuck ups who can’t be normal. We just can’t. 

Forgive me

That’s dog slobber up there, not tears. Just fyi. Definitely not tears. I think I might have been a little drunk when I started writing and then well-

Anyway- Maine sounds awesome. We were there once but no time for lobster rolls. Guess I missed out. 

Not much to report since the last letter. Been kinda quiet here. But… I did apply for a job. Well, I filled out the application. Well, I started filling it out. It’s actually underneath this notepad right now. I’ll get to it. I will. I just need a good kick in the ass. Or maybe a pinch… wink wink

I absolutely think we need to get together. Pick some place stupid like the World’s Largest Frying Pan or South of The Border. I’ll meet you. Just say when. 

Guess this letter will take a little longer to finish. We’re leaving for Ohio in a little bit. There’s a buncha vampire dicks making a mess. Gonna take ‘em to batting practice. Show them my machete swing. I’ll give a full report when we’re back home

Dean Dean, 

I made it to the beach. It’s hot, like stupid hot. Had to stand in the water just to keep my toes from burning. I’ve been sitting here for hours trying to think of something to say, but all I can say is I love you. I miss you. I wish you were here with me. I wish things had been different. I wish and wish and wish. 

If I throw this into the ocean will it get to you somehow or will my words just wash away like the sand? 

I’ll see you again someday. I hope so, anyway. Let’s just pretend I’m destined for Heaven. I know you’re up there. You were too good not to be. You sacrificed so much, cared so much, saved so many people. I know you made it. If there’s any mercy in this universe, I’ll be up there someday too. Just don’t have too much fun without me. 

I love you, Dean. Always. 

Y/N

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[justmeinatree]

02 - Together, We’re The Greatest

Summary : part 2 to Let Passion Get Too Much … niall x louis x reader threesome

previous part

TW : smut, double penetration, creampie, honestly it’s fkn filthy.

Word Count : 5.5k

“louis !” niall smiles, speaking a bit too loudly, even with the thumping of the music, obviously a good amount of alcohol flowing through his veins. he pats his friend on the shoulder, pulling him close. 

“niall !” louis chuckles, screaming too loudly, on purpose to imitate his drunk friend, not having drank quite as much, as he’d gotten to the party a bit late. 

“c’mere,” niall hums, nodding towards the back door, and leading him outside, effectively shutting out the booming bass and the rambunctious crowd that had taken over his living room. “haven’t seen ya much tonight, wanted to talk to you though.”

“yeah ?” he laughs, watching the buzz course through his friend, lighting a cigarette as they’re now outside, “what’s up nialler ?”

“think you might want to stay a bit later than everyone else ?” he asks, the fog in his brain making it seem obvious to himself as to what he was asking.

“now why am i getting roped into clean up duty ? know i’m the fuckin worst at it. why don’t you ask-“

“no, no,” niall’s quick to shake his head. “y/n’s been dropping hints for her birthday present, and, well, think she’d fuckin kill me if i didn’t at least ask,” he mumbles, locking eyes with louis, “would you, maybe, want to spend another night with us ?”

louis’ eyes grow wide, taking a good hearty puff from his smoke, gnawing on his lip for a moment, thinking it over, before blowing out.

obviously he was well aware that niall wasn’t asking for louis to spend the night just hanging out, eventually crashing somewhere cozy, or more often than not, not quite cozy, from pure exhaustion.

no, this time, he was clearly asking about sex, referring to the time, 7 months ago now, when he thought he’d forgotten his smokes and barged in on his friends’ late night activities. 

as he puffs away at his cigarette, his brain starts reeling with images of that trusty time. how fucking tight you were taking both of them, such a fuckin good girl for doing so. christ, he even remembers how good niall’s tongue made him feel.

niall plucks the smoke from louis’ fingers, taking a drag himself, louis’ brain flicking back to reality, and to the question at hand.

“can see you thinking over there,” niall hums around a puff of smoke. “dont have to if you dont want to. s’just a question, yeah ? i can always say i forgot to ask you, or i can come up-“

“fuckin hell you’re chatty when you’re drunk,” louis laughs, shaking his head. “was so good last time. plus, i can’t live with myself if i disappoint the birthday girl,” he adds, chuckling.

niall giggles, biting his lip, “it did feel good. think y/n and i both, didn’t shut up about it for weeks.”

louis feels a light blush work its way up his neck to the apples of his cheeks, eyes growing wide, “s’that so ?”

“mhmm,” niall nods, obviously saying more than he probably would care to admit if he was sober. thankfully, louis is his most easy going friend, most relaxed of the bunch, not here to judge him, more curious about his friend’s thoughts. “i dont know what it was really, but seeing her take us both, how much more intense it is when there’s more bodies and more hands,” niall rambles on, “felt so fuckin good. dont remember the last time i’d felt so fucked out. s’usually a her thing. i dont know, guess you helped me let go a bit.”

“christ niall, didn’t think you’d felt so strongly about it” louis chuckles embarrassingly, a slight tease to his tone, knowing niall can take it and won’t misread into it. but it does make the blush deepen on his features, deciding to let niall in on his thoughts as well. “was good wasn’t it ? love that you dont over think it. you just go with it, fuckin dirty lad, you.”

they both laugh, niall’s turn to blush a deep crimson, louis’ arm swinging over his shoulders, pulling niall into him, giving his hair a ruffle, “m’not judging, fuckin loved it mate. c’mon, lets go back in.”

as they both trudge back into the house, the loud music hitting their ears again, you finally spot them, making your way over, wrapping your arms around louis’ neck, “you were late !” you pout playfully.

“m’sure i can find a way to make it up to you, love,” louis chuckles, arms winding their way around your waist, holding you tight. and for a moment, a drunken minded moment, you tuck your face into his neck, groaning softly as your senses are invaded with louis, louis, louis.

obviously you’d seen him tons since that trusty night half a year ago, but with your senses inebriated, you felt yourself tingle. felt yourself fall into him, your body already worked up, the prospect of tonight’s activities at the forefront of your imagination. as easy as it usually was to keep your want towards him at bay, 7 months was a long time, and you’re struggling to keep up your composure. especially with the coursing of the alcohol through your bloodstream.

his eyes shut upon hearing your groan, hands gripping into your waist, squeezing hard, niall piping up at the scene, “alright, alright. ya gotta hold it together for a while longer. can’t let everyone see this.”

“he’s right, love,” louis hums against your ear, his warm breath causing a shiver to run down your spine. as he slowly pulls away from you, smiling, “m’gonna get myself a drink, catch up with you a bit. feeling a bit too sober,” he laughs. 

you turn to niall as louis walks off, smiling wide, “you talked to him then,” you hum excitedly, your arms finding their familiar spot around his neck.

“yeah, i did,” he smiles wide, pressing his lips to yours, “think he wants this as bad as we do.”

“we ?” you ask, biting your lip with a knowing smirk. although niall couldn’t stop talking about it last time, he never straight up said that he liked it or that he’d do it again. but you’d known niall long enough to be fairly certain that both were true, no matter how hard he avoided the words per say.

you watch niall’s cheeks turn bright pink, eyes widening, as he stuffs his face against your shoulder, groaning loudly. maybe louis was right, he is chatty when he’s drunk. and he admits way more than he’d like to. it elicits a laugh from you, patting his head, “dont be ashamed. love that we can do this together. that all of us can enjoy it just as much.”

you can feel niall nodding against your neck, trailing kisses up to your jaw and cheeks, playfully leaving pecks all over your skin in a silent thank you for being the best he could have ever asked for.

the rest of the evening went by in a flash, except for the times that it didn’t. there were moments, the kind where you’d end up pressed between niall and louis on the makeshift dance floor in the living room, both of their hands shamelessly wandering over your body, both of their hips grinding against you. niall’s lips on your neck, louis’ eyes locked with yours, unable to make the move he so desperately wants to make. the tension growing in all your bellies. those are the moments where you wish the evening would end, and you could continue the scene without any wandering eyes.

and as soon as the last person was finally shuffled through the threshold, door shut and locked, you turn your body to face louis, your hands gripped into his shirt, by his collarbones, your entire being rolled into his own, as you press your mouths together. you’d been craving a taste of him all night, and although niall’s constant kisses satiated your needs, you were craving the one you couldn’t have. at least until now.

at first, louis lets out a little yelp in surprise, not expecting you to jump him so soon. his hands grip into your flesh, one onto your arm, the other slipped under your shirt to feel your hip, steadying you. he quickly looses himself into you, into the kiss, his tongue slipping out to stroke over the plushness of your bottom lip, before gently biting into it.

you whimper, your hips instinctively rolling into his, your centre already dripping, clit aching for some form of friction.

louis presses his stiffening prick against you, both hands slipping to your ass, holding you tightly against him, chasing some relief of his own, “forgot how feisty you are, christ.”

“been teasing me all night,” you whine softly, pouting up at louis, feeling niall’s hands gently land on your hips, thumbs stroking your skin. “both of you have.”

“irresistible, you,” niall coos quietly, sucking little kisses into your neck, pressing himself against your ass, louis’ hands pinned between your bodies.

“really are,” louis hums, nipping at your bottom lip playfully, his nails digging into your ass, knuckles pressed back, pushing against niall’s cock, smirking at him, “lucky lad aren’t you nialler ?”

“mhmm, the luckiest,” he agrees, his nails digging small crescent shapes into your soft skin, little twinges of pain shooting through you, as niall locks eyes with louis, giving him a playful look, both of them clearly letting the booze from earlier soothe any nerves, and sideline any reservations.

“can’t believe you’re sharing her with me,” louis chuckles, his clothed cock rolling against your body, pressing you back tighter to niall, a series of mixed moans and panting breaths echoing through the now empty living room.

“she takes us both so well,” niall groans, “love being able to do this with you. both of you,” he adds, finally acknowledging your presence.

you whimper loudly, wiggling your body, wanting to feel them so badly. hearing them talk about you, as if you weren’t there, pushing you to your breaking point. you really couldn’t wait any longer. your body was literally trembling for any sort of relief, “please, fuck, please.”

“hmm, my sweet girl. it depends, yeah ? are you still being good for me ?” niall coos, pushing himself against your ass again.

you quickly nod, leaning your head back against niall’s shoulder, looking up at him, “been good. been good all night.”

louis furrows his eyebrows, watching the exchange before him, “what m’i missing ?”

“show him, pet,” niall smirks, patting your hip, as he steps away, giving you the space to pull away from louis. niall makes his way over to the couch, taking a seat and beckoning you over, “c’mere.”

you smile wide at louis, a playful glint in your eye that doesn’t go unnoticed to him, sauntering over to niall, standing between his thighs, facing him.

niall works over the button and zip of your jeans, eyes flicked up at you as he goes, speaking over you to louis, “we were hoping you’d join us tonight. didn’t want to waste any time, so we got a little head start.”

and well that, that doesn’t really clear anything up for louis. that is until niall finally has your pants worked down, and until your knee rests on the couch next to niall’s thigh, and you’re leaning over to kiss him, hands braced on the back of the sofa. with your ass up towards louis, niall reaches over to pull your thong to the side, exposing a heart shaped gem, nestled between your cheeks, attached to what louis can only assume is a pretty pink plug sitting deep inside you. and based on the conversation he was just privy to, it has been for the entirety of the evening.

for a moment, louis’ head spins, fingers reaching out instinctively to touch the glistening gem, his eyes locked on your ass, cheeks spread just for him to see. he presses softly against the heart, hearing your muffled whimper as your lips are suctioned to niall’s.

“fuckin hell you guys,” louis groans, pressing harder on the plug. “s’this why you kept grinding on her earlier ?” he asks niall, before turning his attention to you, adding, “christ, did it feel good, love ? liked having niall press on your pretty plug ? everyone around, watching the birthday girl, and you’re getting off in the middle of the dance floor. bet your cunt is fuckin soaked because of it, innit ?”

you whine, heat shooting through your spine, landing right in your centre, fingertips digging into niall’s shoulders, as your jaw goes slack. you can feel yourself clenching, the plug getting nestled deeper inside you with every press of louis’ fingers, your pussy begging for attention, arousal dripping down onto niall’s clothed thigh.

“she’s fuckin dripping mate,” niall breathes, his eyes locked between the both of you, watching your body trembling, watching the desperation seeping out of you, watching the drip, drip, drip, of your cunt.

“gonna let me taste, darling ?” louis coos, looking up at niall, confirming that he’s okay with it as well, “missed out last time yeah ? bet your cunt tastes so fuckin sweet.”

“please, please, fuck,” you whimper, nodding quickly, turning yourself around, sitting back against niall’s lap, spreading your legs, in a desperate attempt to display yourself to louis.

his eyes zero in on your pussy, absolutely drenched, your thighs shaking, as his finger tentatively reaches out to swipe over your slit, before patting your inner thigh, “lets strip you properly first, hmm ?” he hums. “maybe we should let niall strip too ? can switch that plug out for something even better.”

“yeah,” you breathe, shuffling off of niall’s lap, louis’ hands falling on your hips, gliding up your body to remove your shirt. he had you almost in a trance, your arms instinctively rising, his fingertips tickling against your heated skin.

you can hear the shuffling behind you, niall’s clothes being stripped off before he stands, kissing over your neck, “strip him, too.”

“help me,” you breathe, so lost in the moment, in the feeling of them, your brain not working properly. 

niall’s gaze flicks up to louis’, silently checking in with him, because this felt oddly different ? but he’s met with a chuckling louis, shaking his head, “with everything that’s about to happen, i don’t think taking my clothes off should be anything to worry about.”

niall laughs, flipping him off, before reaching for louis’ pants, and pulling them down along with his boxers in one quick swoop, as you make quick work of removing his shirt.

“christ, you two don’t waste any time,” louis shakes his head, smirking, watching niall go to sit back down, placing his hands on your hips and pulling you back to sit on him. watches as niall grips your inner thighs, spreading your legs to hook them over his knees, sitting his feet up against the coffee table.

“give us a hand, mate,” niall hums, “can you take the plug out ?”

louis’ brain snaps into action, nodding, “‘course i can,” as he makes his way between niall’s legs, dropping to his knees, eyes level with your cunt. he can feel his mouth watering, desperate to take a lick, to taste you. but, for the moment, there’s a task at hand. 

you can feel the moment louis’s fingers reach out for the plug, a small, breathy whimper getting caught in your throat. it doesn’t go unnoticed to niall, his face practically next to yours, making him pepper soft kisses along your shoulder, fingertips ghosting over your stomach, hips, thighs, soothing you.

louis twists the plug around, watching your pussy flutter with every move, working a slow rhythm inside you, not wanting to pull it out too quickly. 

your arms reach up, one hand landing in niall’s hair, your thumb stroking his scalp, as your fingers grip and run through his hair. he can hear your breathy pants in response to louis’ teasing, “s’he playing with you, pretty girl ?”

you nod, humming an affirmation, biting on your lip as you feel louis pull the plug out halfway, feeling the catch of the largest part around your rim, before quickly pressing it back in. you stuff your face into niall’s neck, breathing him in, gripping his hair tightly for a moment.

niall groans in response, hips bucking up, his prick pressing up against the back of louis’ hand, eliciting a laugh, “alright, message received, no more teasing,” louis hums, working the plug out of you, watching a dribble of arousal leak down from your centre.

“barely need lube,” louis bites his lip, watching a second bubble drip down, your pussy clenching at his words, “she’s fuckin dripping on herself, mate.”

“such a good girl,” niall hums, lips quirking up into a smile, pressing his head against yours, fingertips gliding up to your breasts, spiralling around and around, until he reaches your nipples, thumb and index finger closing in on them, giving a gentle tug. 

your chest rises along with him, chasing his fingers, his touch, right as louis’ fingers run through your folds, collecting some of your wetness and spreading it over niall’s cock.

you moan out, biting your lip, niall moaning as well, just a moment after you. with louis’ fingers dipping through your folds to gather your arousal, before wrapping his fist around niall’s cock, stroking over it to deposit your juices.

he watches as more and more of your arousal pools by your entrance, overflowing down to your bum with every clench, desperate to feel more than what louis’ given you so far. 

“fuckin christ, louis,” niall groans, hips bucking up, the wetness from your heat giving his cock such a delicious glide through louis’ hand, fist wrapped tightly around his member.

“feeling good ?” louis smirks, “haven’t even started, mate. honestly think i could slip ya right inside her. wasn’t kidding about not needing lube.”

“do it,” you whimper, “fuck, please do it. can’t take it anymore, lou.” 

biting his lip, louis’ eyes flick up to you. hearing the desperation in your voice, he really couldn’t keep himself from giving you what you so obviously needed. so he guides niall’s cock to your puckering hole, niall feeling the moment his tip makes contact with your ring of muscle, taking over and pressing his prick, slowly, deep inside you.

you feel your body melting back against niall, your entire being, instantly relaxed, muscles gone limp, finally, fucking finally, getting some form of relief. one that you’d been so deeply craving.

“fuck,” niall breathes against your cheek, “always feel so fuckin good, pet,” he groans, hips starting to move slowly, getting you used to the much larger intrusion in comparison to the plug.

you whimper, turning your face, kissing niall hard, teeth biting into his bottom lip when you realize louis’ tongue had darted out to take a long lick up your slit, hand reaching down to grip into louis’ hair.

“knew you’d taste sweet,” louis mutters, face burying itself in your cunt, licking, nipping, tasting. it was messy, he was messy, somehow always right where you didn’t even know you needed him. lapping at your entrance, sucking on your clit, nipping against your folds. he’d even spit right where niall’s cock would meet your hole, adding a bit of lubrication at the perfect times.

niall’s mind was reeling, feeling the warmth and glide of louis’ added wetness, and yet, he knew, his mind was nowhere near as far gone as yours. he could feel your body trembling, could feel your chest rising and falling quicker, your pants breathier and whinier.

“louis’ making you feel good, pretty girl ? like the way he eats your cunt ? ” niall coos, holding onto your hips, keeping you in place, with no choice but to take whatever they give you. “fuck, think both of you are dripping.”

he wasn’t wrong. your heat was constantly clenching over nothing, more and more bubbles of arousal leaking down to niall’s cock. an incredible amount of louis’ spit mixed in. he really was messy. and you loved every second of it.

“fuck, fuck,” you whimper, voice getting louder. you couldn’t remember the last time your skin felt so hot. so prickly. it felt like your body was burning from the inside out. “need- fuck, i need-“ you couldn’t finish your sentence, cut off by a loud moan when louis’ mouth wrapped around your clit, suctioning it into his mouth, flicking over it with his tongue.

niall, having been around you long enough, thankfully can read you better than you can yourself, eyes glued to your face, “christ, she’s gonna fuckin squirt, lou.”

as soon as the message reaches louis’ brain, he groans loudly, eyes rolling back, tongue lapping at your pussy harder, with more purpose. he was so entranced by you, his nose working over your clit, licking up every spot he can reach, almost suffocated in your folds.

with one hard thrust from niall, your ears started ringing, fingers and toes going numb, as you felt an explosion of tingling heat burst from your stomach, louis’ tongue working over you to collect as much of your squirt in his mouth as he could. the rest soaking his neck and chest, giving niall’s cock even more slickness to glide inside you.

louis pulls away from you slowly, his hands resting on your sides as he stands, rubbing soothingly into your skin. his gaze immediately locks with niall’s, catching his attention. louis taps his index gently against niall’s lip, nodding at him to open his mouth.

he does, without question, his mind a bit fuzzy from the tight clench of your inner walls, just moments ago, holding back his body’s scream for release. and as soon as his mouth is open, louis leans over brushing his nose against niall’s, depositing your squirt into his awaiting mouth.

niall groans at the taste of you, his eyes closing momentarily, looking back up at a smirking louis, “figured you’d want a taste too.”

“always. love tasting,” niall hums after swallowing, too enthralled in the events, and slight buzz from earlier, to realize how much he’s admitting to louis tonight.

and that. well, that just makes you jealous if you’re honest. a needy whine echoing from your throat.

louis looks over at you, eyebrow raised, niall jumping in to fill in for you, “you want a taste too, dont ya, petal ?” making you nod quickly.

with a smile tugging at his lips, louis reaches out to gently stroke your cheek, “filthy girl,” he coos, leaning in to kiss you.

the moment his tongue slips into your mouth, you suckle on him, getting as much of a taste as you can, humming happily, in appreciation.

as louis pulls away from your mouth, a line of spit connecting your lips together, eventually snapping as he gets further away, he flicks his eyes between the both of you, slightly out of breath, “fuck, you both look so fucked out.”

itching to feel what you both are, he taps his cock against your cunt, making you flinch on contact, a breathy whine puffing out of your lips, warming niall’s neck. and without any more of a warning to either of you, louis feeds his prick into you.

your jaw instantly goes slack, eyes rolling back, breath getting caught in your throat. it was so much. so much louis. so much niall. so much. so fucking much. all you could focus on was their touches, their groany pants, their cocks.

“louis-“ niall moans out, his grip into your waist digging deeper into your skin, nails nipping deliciously painfully. “f-fuck mate. so fucking tight.”

louis’ head drops to your shoulder, hands rubbing all over you, all over niall, christ he wasn’t sure anymore, he was feeling someone’s skin. he was all of a sudden incredibly overwhelmed. the incredible tight squeeze your cunt has on his dick, and fuck, he never thought hearing his friend moan out his name would sound so good, sound so arousing. 

regardless of how louis’ mind was on overdrive, his body took over, chasing that amazingly tingly feeling. he works up a slow rhythm, pummelling his cock deep into you, rolling over your sweet spot with each thrust.

“don’t stop,” you breathe, gasping for air. the feel of niall’s teeth on your neck and shoulder, louis tonguing over your chest and breasts, both of their hands tickling at your skin from time to time. “just- don’t fuckin stop.”

“can’t,” louis groans, nipping at you, “fuck, can’t stop, s’so good.” and it’s true. he can’t stop even if he tried. his body had completely taken over, feeling of pure ecstasy coursing through his blood. he’s not sure he’s ever been addicted to anything, but this just may be it. 

niall’s hand cards itself through louis’ hair, feeling every ridge of his friend’s cock through your thin walls, the head catching on niall’s tip with every thrust, making him tighten his grip, “feels so fuckin good louis.”

“fuck,” louis curses loudly, unable to help himself, as he looks up, his mouth lunging for niall’s, lips mashing together in a fight for dominance, needing niall to just shut up. he needed to focus on not cumming. but every fucking word that comes out of niall’s mouth brings him closer to the edge. and for some god forsaken reason, the best he could come up with at the moment was kiss the ever living hell out of him.

your eyes flick over to the scene before you, whimpering loudly, as louis’ thrusts had gotten harder since kissing niall, a mess of moans coming from right next to your ear. gripping onto louis’ hips, your body gives in, all senses on overdrive of moans and touches and fuck you never thought it’d turn you on so much to watch your boyfriend kissing your best friend.

your body goes rigid, back arching as much as it could with louis’ weight on you, squirting once again, your mind going blank, cumming harder than you think you ever have. 

“fuck, fuck, fucking hell,” louis groans loudly, teeth biting hard into niall’s lip, joining you over the edge, filling you up even more than you already were.

louis’ cum was so warm, so filling, your body was shivering with every spurt of white painting your walls. 

niall’s quick to grip into louis’ ass, holding his hips flush with yours, “christ, can feel ya cumming, lou.” 

louis trembles, looking up at both of you, his hair mussed up, sweat drenching his forehead, eyes blinking, as they fight to stay open. niall smiles softly at him, remembering exactly how it felt for him last time, “her cunt feel good, mate ?”

“fuck,” louis breathes, nodding, fingertips gently petting your stomach, “amongst other things,” he admits, answering niall’s question, adding, “fuckin good girl you are.”

you sigh, contently, but still on overdrive, your face tucked into niall’s neck, shuddering around every breath. your legs were fighting with niall’s to try and shut, everything just feeling too much, too much, too much.

niall gently runs his fingernails over your inner thighs, in an attempt to calm you, murmuring against your ear, “gotta let me finish me, pet. hmm, be a good girl for me ?”

“have you seriously not cum yet ?” louis asks incredulously. “how are you holding out ?”

“he can’t cum when he drinks,” you fill in, your mind swimming, mouthing against niall’s neck, trying to relax your body.

“gonna pull out,” louis hums, his cock growing increasingly sensitive the longer he stays inside you. regardless of the fact that neither of them were moving, your pussy was still spasming from the orgasm moments ago, and louis just couldn’t take it anymore. 

slowly, incredibly slowly, so as not to overwork either of you, louis pulls out, eyes fixed on your centre. he bites his lip, watching you clench over nothing, some of his cum bubbling out of you.

without much of a second thought, louis curls two fingers completely, pressing them inside you as a makeshift plug, keeping his orgasm stuffed inside you.

niall’s jaw instantly goes slack, his hand darting out to grip into louis’ forearm, “fuck are you doing ?”

“what ?” louis asks confused, eyebrows furrowed.

“fuckin-“ niall groans, hips rolling into you hard, cock seethed deep inside you. “so much pressure, fuck,” he grits, trying and failing to push louis’ hand away from you.

and then it clicks for louis. niall can feel his knuckles. with every thrust, the underside of niall’s cock glides hard into his bones. 

louis smirks at him, “still think you can’t cum when you’re drunk ?”

niall’s eyes roll back, a whine working it’s way from the depths of his chest, his other hand, the one that isn’t currently crushing louis’ arm, wraps itself across your body, bruising your hip, holding you in place, as he starts to fuck into you at a blinding pace.

you moan loudly, reaching for louis, needing a way to anchor yourself, ground yourself, for a moment. pulling him into you, you attempt to kiss him, but with your lips trembling and jaw randomly falling, louis found himself more often than not, kissing over your lips, cheeks, chin.

“make him cum, louis,” you whimper shakily, “please make him cum.”

niall moans, hearing your request, his cock diving into you one, two, three more times before filling you up as well. he pants heavily, a small chesty groan with every spurt of his high.  and he’ll just definitely go on pretending that the thought of his best friend making him cum isn’t what ended up breaking his “no cumming while drunk” streak.

you turn your face into niall’s neck, whimpering through your harsh breathing, a shiver running through your body.

you feel niall’s arms wrap around your body, trying to keep you warm, murmuring softly, “lemme pull you, sweet girl.” and a moment later, you feel his cock falling out of you, making you whimper louder, feeling his cum dribbling out of you, clenching over nothing for the first time since the plug went into you, however many hours ago now.

louis’ got his eyes glued on your heat, fingers pulling out of you to catch the dripping of niall’s high. you shudder, completely overstimulated, body wiggling in a begging attempt to finally close your legs.

“don’t let her,” louis mutters, making niall look down at what could possibly have him so enthralled.

“what are you doing ?” niall asks, “can’t keep going lou, she needs a break.”

but louis’ quick to shake his head, scooping as much of niall’s cum as he can, pressing it into your gaping cunt, his fingers mixing up all of your orgasms and arousal together. “s’fine, m’done. said you loved to taste,” he explains as his index dips inside you, scooping some of the mixture and feeding it past niall’s lips.

niall groans, eyes fluttering shut, tongue wrapping around louis’ finger, sucking back the musky, salty, sweet mix of all three of you. but as louis tries to pull his finger away, niall sucks it back into his mouth, getting a taste at louis’ skin while he’s at it.

and louis decides he’s going to go on pretending that the image of his best friend’s mouth on his prick isn’t making him stiffen, as he pulls his finger away for real, hearing the pop of niall’s lips and watching the string of his spit break the further louis’ finger gets.

with two fingers this time, he dips back into you, scooping out some more, his other hand reaching up to cup your jaw, thumb tapping on your lip, “since i’ve learned that you’ll start whining if i don’t share,” he teases, giggling quietly. your lips part, sticking your tongue out, louis wiping his fingers on your awaiting tongue, pressing it back into your mouth, fingers along with it.

you suck back the sticky liquid, cleaning off his fingers completely, your tongue rolling around them, louis pulling his digits away with another pop.

“again,” niall asks, slight desperation in his tone, as louis keeps feeding you both, taking turns until there’s almost none left.

“can i have a taste now ?” he chuckles, “greedy little fuckers, you.” and from one moment, louis’ tutting at both you and niall, the next moment, he’s dipping down low, tongue delving into you to get the last taste. 

louis makes quick work, not wanting to cause you any pain, kissing your clit softly, before pulling away, hands rubbing over your tummy, “such a fuckin good girl.”

niall adding against your ear, “happy birthday, petal.”

Part 3

……

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

tags : @cc-horan

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 49 Burnt Cereal with Milk Posting

Alright, dear void. It's time. I put on my powerscaler hat and turned on the stove.

Never ever let me cook again though- apparently I'm just as shitty at it online as I am IRL. We are going to Eye Scars at the temple next. Well, "we" meaning Hakuri, Uruha, and some fodder since the train fight DIDN'T HAPPEN. Yet. Is it too delusional to think that we could get the super cool stuff with Uruha fighting off the mooks somehow? Because damn, I was really looking forward to more than what we got...

It's alright though. I can cope with the power of even stronger delusions.

Wasn't there LITERALLY any better way to do this than pulling on Uruha's hair, Hakuri?!

Still enjoying the fact that Chihiro can yell out a random word and Hakuri will instantly understand his full intent. They don't have to plan shit- they just figure it out and it works.

Yeah, they both would know that "Centipede" is referring to Kyora's usage of Magatsumi's ability, but Chihiro improvising the move on the spot and Hakuri adjusting perfectly is awesome. Sad they're separated for now, but hopefully we get more of this stuff through the whole series. They're so busted when they work together because soulmate coding.

But this new Kuro technique is probably why John keeps pressing the assault and forcing Chihiro to act: he adapts and improves at an incredible rate when he's under pressure. Still don't know why John needs him to be extremely powerful and full of hatred for his plans, but maybe Hiruhiko will spill the beans. He's a chatty bastard who gets his jollies from extreme methods after all.

Fuck these guys.

Hiruhiko is the king of "it's just a prank bro, don't get so upset brooooooooooo" assholes everywhere. His origami powers are pretty neat though, I gotta admit. The editor's note for this week was something along the lines of "Uruha's will is also carried on [Chihiro's] blade"... I want that pretty face to get bloodied and beaten, man. I actually detest flippant long-haired guys as an entire character archetype so please let him have an agonizing death. I want to look forward to it no matter how long it takes.

Speaking of the Hishaku, do they have the world's freakiest training camp for new members or something? Ch. 32

Ch. 49

Literal bloodbath of a series.

This is the second time Chihiro's been blinded with blood in a fight. It's a cool and intelligent tactic but like, why? Use the wrong person's blood and Chihiro will die to some horrible infection or disease before those seeds of hatred can mature, my dudes. But I kinda wonder... Chs. 32 & 49 again:

Hiruhiko proceeds to taunt Chihiro like nothing happened after being violently stabbed out of a moving train.

There's something freaky about how the marked Hishaku members are totally OK with being skewered and losing limbs. Even Chihiro winces in pain when he's hit hard enough to lose his arm, y'know? Is it just because this is an ultra-violent action series and the villains need to stay threatening?

No insights, just pure glazing. This panel absolutely stunning... I can clearly see the motion and imagine exactly how it's happening. I held my breath in anticipation while reading this and was not at all disappointed by the gorgeous spread on the next page. God I love the fights in Kagurabachi.

Yet another "Hakuri needs time to recover" reminder. It's been constant since the arc started in Chapter 45... just for the dramatic tension, probably. I've already said my piece about relying on this particular tool too much, so let's move on.

As this site's #1 Hakuri Agendaposter, I think he's gonna be okay in the short term. We don't know if the Hishaku have accounted for him or not, but the focus right now is on the Bearers. He'll be fine. Surely. I can see him going too far to be "useful" and knocking himself out to transport Kumeyuri and possibly Eye Scar's blade- or maybe Hiyuki to their current location if Hokazono-sensei's feeling funny-, but no torture or suffering flags have been raised. Yet. He's just going to be running on fumes for a while...

Official Tier List Drop

Chihiro corrected Hakuri's "nonsense" estimations for all the powerscalers out there, how kind of him. I kind of went on a fuckhuge tangent here but I can't be assed to retake all the screenshots to post separately. So suffer (or skip if you're sane)!

But who could beat Goku?!?!?!/1/1 Obviously, equipped nuke bearers and Hiyuki are in a class of their own. A step down are uniquely strong fighters like Azami, Shiba, Hiruhiko, and John. Then there's the endless Datenseki fodder who are only scary when they're in a group and not exploded yet.

I don't give a flying fuck about who would win against Ultra SSJ Gigaturbo Pepsimaxx'd Goku. However, I do like it when there are clearly established tiers of power. NOT the graded tiers style where things are neatly ranked from coughing baby to hydrogen bomb, mind you. That is the laziest way to explain a universe's relative power dynamic. It also lets me know that the protagonist is going to single-handedly wreck the balance via powercreep not even halfway through the series (unless it's HxH, which only applies to one series: HxH).

I much prefer Kagurabachi's fuzzy approach. The stakes are clearly established: the Enchanted Blades and Hiyuki's Enkotsu are a Big Fucking Deal. They are incredibly strong and all the characters treat them as such. So Chihiro, Hiyuki, and armed Bearers are at the top.

Yet even within that small selection there's a notable differential in power between those who have mastered the weapon and those who haven't. Chihiro is hella strong, but Shiba let us know early on that he's still got a long way to go before he's truly formidable. We've seen Chihiro get bodied by Sojo, a genius who only had Kuregumo for a few weeks; he's in tune with Enten, but he's got a hell of a lot to learn about fighting strong opponents still. He's probably closer in strength to an Elite Sorcerer than a veteran Bearer like Uruha. (The whole thing about hardly ever fighting fully healed and rested up is also a sticking point, but not gonna digress on that.)

Beneath that tier are strong Elite sorcerers. Azami was noted by Uruha as being as "reassuring" as Hiyuki in terms of his abilities, and Chihiro put Shiba, John, and Hiruhiko on par with him. So I think it's reasonable to infer that the strength of their sorcery and their experience as fighters would put them so close to the Bearers in terms of power. The elite Kamunabi guards and task force, by comparison, make up for their shortcomings by working together as a team. They'd be at the bottom of this category -possibly another step below- individually, but their teamwork and experience put them much closer to a Bearer's strength. The Sazanami Tou would be in this category too despite mostly being off-screened by Shiba (he's just that good).

And then there are run-of-the-mill guys like the Trauma, Mud Clone, and regular Sazanami sorcerers. They're very strong compared to an average person but need those Datenseki shards to compete with the elites. This is the true "miminum strength" floor in Kaugrabachi. If you can't hold your own against a rando sorcerer hireling, you have no business being involved in the fights. Of course the Hiruhikos and Shibas of the world will outclass you horribly, but that's the risk you take when being unnamed fodder in Kagurabachi.

This high of a power floor is why I'm glad we don't see regular people like Hinao anywhere near the skirmishes- a sorcerer can easily manhandle them, and the fights Chihiro gets involved in are far more lethal than they can safely stand around to provide commentary for. This means all the insightful remarks come from the fighters themselves and only rarely an omniscient narrator, which is so much more interesting than listening to a non-combatant give a play-by-play. It's refreshing to see the fighting left to the warriors while the regular folks actually run away to safety for once, you know?

That's a key component of why the fights in Kagurabachi feel so different from other shounen so far. I don't need someone who's never thrown hands telling me how amazing Chihiro looks and explaining what he's doing: the author is showing me while Chihiro himself tells me what he's thinking. And when we do get third-party commentary, it's limited to providing vital context. We aren't wasting panels to glaze the fighters and explain everything in excruciating detail. We just see it play out and understand that yes, this is absolutely awesome and it works because of the quality of the composition. And because we don't need a door stopper of a novel to explain what each ability does (this is JJK shade, come at me).

OK, tangent within a tangent aside... where does that leave outliers like Hakuri, Tafuku, Ice Lady, and unarmed bearers?

Tafuku's sorcery has insane utility, but it looks like he himself doesn't get any direct combat boost. So he really needs a partner like Hiyuki to make the most of it.

I'd say he's probably in the Elite tier considering he has no issues dealing with the rank-and-file sorcerers and guards at the auction. He's plenty used to defending himself while Hiyuki wreaks havoc at least. So the combination of skill, utility, and experience make up for the lack of raw power.

So far it seems as though folks like Char and Ice Lady aren't much better off than non-sorcerers. In fact, we've only seen these traits cause a great deal of suffering at the hands of people who want to exploit them...

Their natural traits seem to provide passive benefits that can negate sorcery side-effects in specific situations (like the nausea caused by Shiba's teleportation in Char's case), but so far there's no evidence that they provide any advantages against actual techniques. They're below the minimum power threshold but a smidge above average civilians for now. This could change if we get more information and examples, though.

So Chihiro said, but...

Dude's still looking mighty fine to me.

If all the former bearers are on the same level as Uruha, then they're not truly "defenseless". However, they definitely do need help when facing Elites and many average sorcerers. They're probably in the middle of the "ordinary" sorcerer tier without their blades- competent against the minimum, but at risk against anything tougher.

So yeah. Uruha's not gonna get shanked by a regular non-magical enemy- he's just defenseless compared to most of the relevant combatants in this universe right now. And as soon as he gets Kumeyuri back, he'll be at the apex. He should be able to handle the trash still on the train just fine until then.

Potential Man incarnate

Hakuri's in a weird spot.

He's the first genius in his clan's 200-year history since the OG patriarch and has a huge amount of potential. Even in the wider world he's quite exceptional for having two sorcery abilities available to him. But the actual mechanics of how he allocates his sorcery and trains it are big unknowns right now. Hakuri's basically got infinite potential, maybe enough to put him in the same tier as the Bearers and Hiyuki. But will he have the time and narrative attention to get there? We don't know. He can't even use his powers without knocking himself out at the moment, so it'll be a while before we see any movement on that too.

He's off to the side with a big question mark over his head for now. I need more information and screen time of him fighting while rested to place him. Which reminds me, actually... Kazane's in the same position. He was supposed to be the trump card in the Sojo fight but lost his arm and most of his comrades before he got to do anything. So he and Hakuri can chill on the sidelines until it's time to see them in action once more.

Thanks for tuning in to the worst cooking show on Tumblr, dear void. Next up: Eye Scars, maybe! Chihiro fighting through the streets to get vengeance on Uruha's behalf! Uruha and Hakuri possibly also making an appearance! Stay fresh, bachibros.

[runwithwolvcs]

You Know I'm No Good - 46

A/N: I'M BACK!

Between crying babies and chatty seat neighbours, the flight was a long one. As she crossed through a pair of sliding doors and out into the kiss and ride area, she instantly spotted the raven haired women that made it all worth it.

"Hi, mommy," Tallulah said as she wrapped her mom up in a tight bear hug, forgetting all about her bags. 

"Oh, Lula," Winona grabbed her cheeks, taking her in, in person for the first time in five months, “You look so grown up,"

“We facetimed almost every day," Tallulah said teasingly. Though she understood what she meant. Her style had completely changed since arriving in New York. Long gone were the baggy, oversized clothes that she wore. Adopting a more feminine, soft aesthetic. Courtesy of her roommate Nell, who reminded her almost everyday of her first week in New York, that she was not in La Push anymore. She could dress to impress. Especially for the galleriest who came to look at all of their work, which seemed to be weekly.

Most of her wardrobe were cable knit sweaters she had thrifted, the only thing that compared to the warmth of her imprint. That thought alone struck a cord in her chest, a never-ending pit of longing for a man she had no spoken to since the fall break.

“I know," Her mother smiled, "you just.. im so proud of you." She said as she took a step back, the proudest smile Tallulah had ever seen growing on her face, "look at you, my little artist,“ 

Tallulah groaned, “is it a goal to make me cry today?”

"shush,”Winona jokingly said as she picked up one of her bags, light packing was not an option when Washington weather was so unpredictable "no crying, I made ginger snaps,"

"fuck, yes." Tallulah moaned in excitement. The first sign of Christmas in their household was the smell of ginger snaps, a generational recipe. 

“I dropped some off to Paul this morning,”

“Mom,” Tallulah frowned, though she understood why they had kept in contact despite the endless phone calls she had made to her mother in tears over him. He was never going to be gone for good.

"he’s going to know you’re back," Winona tutted, ushering her daughter into her car,”  if he shows up, what do you want me to tell him?"

Tallulah rolled her eyes before grumbling, “to go fuck himself,"

"hm,”Her mother hummed before asking the question sh had been dreading most of all. The question that almost kept her from getting on the plane in the first place,   "did you tell him?"

"no." Tallulah mumbled, bringing her knees up to her chest as she looked out the window to see the cityscape she loved so much. Seattle still had her heart it always will, she feared,

After a brief moment of silence, her mom voiced her opinion, “you should have,"

"it wouldn’t have made a difference, mom,” Tallulah snapped in frustration. She didn’t get it. This wasn’t some boy she could move on from. It was Paul, her entire world. He left her scared and alone, something he promised to never do. Avoiding him for a couple of months won’t kill him, but she figured it would show him how much he screwed up. Though, she didn’t think it would take this long for him to let her stew in her anger.

"lets get something to eat," W”inn hanged the subject, noticing her change in mood, “are you hungry?"

"i ate on the plane." She fibbed. A white little lie. A mini bag of pretzels was enough to quell her queasy stomach, anything more than that would just come right back up.

Noticing her moms worried look, she gave her a reassuring smile, "I’m fine, mom. i can handle this without flying off the rails,"

"i never said--"

"thats what everyone wants." Tallulah cut her off, “to tell me I’m still a child who doesn’t have her shit together and having some older boyfriend will fix that."

"I’ve never wanted that." Winona reinforced, something she had told her daughter many times over the phobe,  "i just want you to be safe and happy."

"i am," Tallulah promised. 

With a nod, her mother thankfully switched the subject again. One she was actually ready to talk about, “okay, tell me more about this gallery spot,"

[maddmuses]

🗺️💋🪪

🗺️ How open are you to meeting new people? Do you like your muses being mentioned IC? To just anyone, or only fandoms/friends that you know?

Unironically? I LOVE befriending new muns and making friends! It's so great! My muses being mentioned IC? FUCK YEAH!!! It's actually a thing that used to be bigger in RPC that has kinda trickled out of popularity in the last five or so years that I super much miss! I have no limits, though if I don't follow or talk to you dropping a line quietly to ensure the content is okay would be fine (I tolerate a lot more goofiness from my friends than from other fandom inhabiters generally).

💋 Are you silly ooc? Casual? Chatty? Do you prefer or enjoy things like small talk, when not rping?

I am told that I am quite silly OOC, I got that Rez Fuckboi Rizz, and it's why I love interacting with other NDN muns because they promote me from "silly" to "funny". I'm pretty chatty, and tend to also have a pretty casual vibe to me. Sometimes you can expect like 8 messages in a row when you wake up because I messaged at 5 AM MST about some shit. I LOVE talking to people about all kinds of stuff, RP or not.

(I don't actually have that emoji in my fonts so you're getting 2 for 1)

🪽 In what way is tumblr better than real life for you? Different from your personal dash, if you have one?

Not really in any regard? I kinda hate it here. My real-life is pretty compliant to how I like my life, though online interactions do sub my socialization simply because I live in the middle of the desert with only other casino employees that I specifically am not allowed to socialize without outside of work (I work in the surveillance dept. so it's a security issue).

🩵 Do you have any apparent flaws when it comes to RPing/interacting? Be gentle with yourself!

How much time do ya got? My emotional battery is easily drained which can result in me taking weeks at a time to get to replies, but I also easily get discouraged about my quality when others take a long time (not their fault my brain just assumes that there is a flaw with what I made causing a lowered interest).

I also have a really hard time getting into the swing of things and replying multiple times in a day to a single thread can actually paradoxically also drain my spoons for it.

I'm also a bit of a cry-baby so when I get blocked I'm working on not taking it personally (unless the person expresses it as deeply personal before block)

[yamatossideboob]

One Piece 1108 Spoilers!!

This week's intellectual musings:

GOOD COVER SPREAD ALL DE GIRLIES!! Tashigi may not have a Devil Fruit but somethings getting awakened for deffo here hehehe

Good mag cover art too, I love seeing Oda's colours a bit more closely

Okay yeah as *everyone* speculated, Caribou is gonna fill BB in on the Ancient Weapons :s I do wonder if he'll get some details wrong and this is a gag being set up, but unfortunately this just feels like the reason BB & co will finally upgraded to Big Bads™️ rough times ahead

For now though it's neat to see Vice Admirals scrapping, but alas! our giant pals are making shite of them

I saw someone point out last week how Dorry and Brogy might not recognise Franky bc his face isn't on his bounty poster and they FUCKING CALLED IT what a small but very good thing lmao

god OP giants are so good, ilysm lads

ahem anyway as soon as i saw scholar mentioned so significantly I got wondering, and after several microseconds realised they surely meant SAUL!! ofc this is practically confirmed on the nest page but how intriguing! how hype!!

also I love Doll even if she is a marine. I am a simple woman. I wonder will she get to meet Saul again later...

Bluegrass is so good, I love her design and power in tandem, she's so fun

I just had a thought.... the idea of self-destruct functions has been sown previously in Kuma's flashback... what if, as a way to help guarantee his personal safety prior to this arc... Vegapunk has one in HIMSELF? I can imagine it: Saturn, defeated and having let the Strawhats escape with Bonney and the giants, succumbs to blind rage and wants to deal the finishing blow to VP, who "fsr" stayed behind. However, either he or VP himself activates the self-destruct, and with Saturn reaping his own demise, VP manages to square with the devil he made deals with, and make peace with his red hands... idk. This idea just came to me, I am not much of a speculator lmao

AHEM anywayyy Saturn is fucking scary, I wonder since he's clearly losing his rag with this shower of upstarts, is his Zoan(?) fruit going apeshit?

ough yes like the lake hydra in dark souls 1, i see i see

Vegapunk for an old and mortally wounded man you're sure chatty

Okay. hear me out. I know the 'Traitor Kizaru' theory is dead in the water at this point. But... why would he hyper beam Vegapunk right through what looks like the same wound Saturn gave VP earlier? In the panel right after it looks like smoke is rising from the new wound... what if Kizaru cauterised it? Can Vegapunk survive a little longer thanks to this? I'm going cracked over here!!!

OKAY LUFFY IS GETTING SERIOUS!! BY WHICH I MEAN SILLAY!! Ohhhhhhhhhh god lads next week is going to be good

AND IT'LL BE EVEN BETTER BE WHAT THE HOLY HELL IS VEGAPUNK UP TO NOW?! HE'S GONNA DO A WHITEBEARD AND COAX THE WG INTO A SNAFU. GOOD GOD Y'ALL!!!

Next week can't come soon enough!! We might even see that giant robo again! maybe it'll be brushing its teeth! til then! 💪✖️

[epicaxolotls]

i had no idea what to do for body swap so we're procrastinating on that

anyways morally gray sbi

if this is horrible and rushed then I'm just gonna say no beta we die like the guards in this, because i am tired-

oh speaking of those guards minor (background) character death tw but its very offscreen tbh

Prompt: Experiments/Scientist AU

Words: 1,985

The sirens were screaming.

People were screaming.

Tommy wanted to scream.

Well, it was a decent question to ask: Tommy, what the fuck was happening? Well, honestly, Tommy didn't know. Kinda. He wasn't really sure what was happening right now, but he knew what happened.

Actually, a lot more things made sense now, if Tommy was being honest.

…He wasn't making sense. Yeah, okay, starting at the beginning. That'd make sense.

Thomas 'Theseus' Innit, annoying problem child that no one liked. Couldn't stay in a foster home for more than two weeks (though his record was two hours), flunking out of school, and couldn't give a fuck about what anyone thought of him.

So yeah. When he was kidnapped by creeps and taken to a weird facility to be the test dummy for the studying of some eldritch horror demons they caught, it wasn't like anyone took the time to put up missing posters.

He had been pretty determined to try to escape at first. Getting the fuck out and bolt without a second thought.

He hadn't really been giving anything a second thought.

Honestly, looking back, he should've been worried about a bunch of other shit. Like hearing guards talking about their hate of having to clean up guts. Or y'know, why he was here in the first place. Which he still wasn't sure of at the time.

They never told him. Maybe that had been for the better. Knowing the shit he knew now, he would've been freaking out. And who knew how that would've turned out for him. He figured it out, though, eventually. 

Not in the beginning, though. Not when he was first hauled into a barren room, where in the middle, a man stood.

Techno. Tommy remembered how he thought the man's pink hair was a bit weird. He hadn't said it out loud at first, though. He wasn't that dumb.

"Uh." Was the first thing Tommy spoke. Usually, he had a lot more to say to people. Usually, he'd be talking about some shit no one was interested in by now. 

Well, this obviously wasn't usual.

"...You're a child." The man had spoken. Maybe, if he wasn't busy being offended, Tommy would've noticed how the words seemed just a little bit unnatural to the man, like he knew English but never spoke it. But even if he had noticed, that would've been something he'd brush off.

"I am not a child! I'm sixteen!" Tommy had shouted instead.

"Years? I doubt it." The man had said with a hum.

Tommy crossed his arms as he glared at the man. Techno had given him an impassive stare back.

"Though isn't sixteen still a child?" The man had finally asked.

"Oh, fuck you." Tommy muttered.

The man didn't respond.

If Tommy cared more, he might've kept it silent. Wait it out.

Looking back at it, Tommy was glad he didn't.

"...Tommy." He had eventually muttered.

"Your name?" The man had asked, and when Tommy had nodded, he hummed, "Kind of a boring name."

Tommy scoffed, "Yeah? What's yours, then?"

"Technoblade." Techno had responded, like he expected the question. He had then paused.

Tommy hummed, "Okay, but that's a weird name. I'd rather have a boring name than a weird name. Kids don't really get bullied for having a boring name. Were you bullied in school?" There it was. The shit that started to annoy people.

No one really finds it annoying at first. People just think he's chatty. Tommy had assumed Techno was the same, "Didn't go to school."

Tommy had nodded, "Homeschooled? Yeah, with a name like 'Technoblade', I can see why."

There had been a pause. Then, a slow nod, "Sure. I was homeschooled."

As the two made light conversation, Tommy had come to the conclusion that English wasn't Techno's first language.

Well, he hadn't been wrong, necessarily.

When the guards came back about half an hour later, they seemed shocked. It had been hard to tell, with the smiley face masks covering their faces, but the way they just kind of… stared at the two of them, sitting on the floor now, having been interrupted in the middle of a conversation about a book Tommy had read recently.

Techno had seemed to be actually listening, too.

But now Tommy was being brought back to his cell.

As he was being walked back, one of the two guards muttered to him, "Hey, kid, how'd you do that?"

Tommy had been confused, "Do what?"

The guard had paused. Then shook their head, as they got back to his cell.

The next day, he had been brought back. He talked with Techno. The guards still seemed surprised when they came back to him alive and well.

And thus, it became routine.

Honestly, Tommy should've figured something out. How Techno would glare at the guards, and how they'd flinch back when his eyes fell on them. How every once in a while, Techno's eyes would look more red than brown. Far too red to be a trick of the light, despite Tommy convincing himself that it was just that.

God, Tommy had been an idiot.

He had considered Techno a friend. And he thought, by the way Techno seemed to warm up to him, that Techno might consider Tommy a friend, too.

Eventually, Tommy pushed it. He fucked it up. Like he always does.

"D'you have any clue why we're here? 'Cause they aren't explaining shit to me." Tommy had asked at one point.

And Techno had gone silent.

Tommy looked up from where he had been lying on the floor to where Techno was sitting. The man was staring at Tommy. Tommy couldn't really read his face.

"...So you really don't know." Techno murmured.

"Know what?" Tommy asked, raising an eyebrow, "Pretty confused here, big man."

Techno didn't speak.

The guards pulled Tommy out soon after.

Tommy had never been great with keeping track of time, but he was pretty sure it hadn't been a half hour yet.

Tommy didn't see Techno after that. No one came to get him when he usually went. He just sat in his cell, staring up at the ceiling from the foam mattress he slept on.

He was still fed and shit. Same meals, same time. But none of the guards would answer his questions.

And Tommy had been an idiot and started to miss Techno. He actually got attached to the motherfucker.

Tommy felt dumb.

So when two guards came to grab him again, he had been… not excited. Hopeful.

Hopeful that he didn't fuck something up. Hopeful that Techno was still there. Hoping, stupidly, hoping that he didn't fuck it up-

But he did fuck it up. Like how Tommy fucks up everything.

Tommy wasn’t brought into the same room. The room looked the same, but Tommy knew the path to the room at this point. And it hadn't been the path.

And so Tommy met Phil.

"Where's Techno?" Had been the first thing Tommy asked.

"You know Techno?" Had been his answer.

Philza. Tommy met Philza, who was apparently Techno's dad.

Tommy didn't want to fuck it up again by questioning shit. So he didn't. 

Maybe he should've questioned shit. Maybe he should've asked what the hell was happening, what he didn't know, what he was doing here.

He didn't ask any of those things. Instead, he simply had asked if Techno was alright.

He was.

Then Phil let Tommy talk, too. He wasn't as quiet as Techno, but he still acted interested in what Tommy was saying. He talked with Tommy.

It was a bit refreshing, honestly. 

But then that became the routine. Tommy going and talking to Phil every day. Weirdly, it felt longer than when he was with Techno. He wondered if that was just him.

One time, he had heard a guard mutter to another one outside his cell, "Honestly, I'm just waiting for it to kill the fucker. Haven't eaten in weeks, the lot of them. Gotta be getting restless."

Honestly, Tommy should've figured it out then. But he hadn't. Maybe he was in denial. Maybe he had just been an idiot. Who knew.

Tommy kept visiting Phil. And then, one day, Phil had someone else with him.

"This's Wilbur," Phil had introduced the tall guy, who stared down at Tommy in… disgust. Yeah. That was an expression that Tommy was familiar with. "My other son."

Tommy couldn't help it, "What about Techno?"

Phil had paused, "Techno's… he's busy."

A part of Tommy was sad. But he ignored this, and instead almost immediately began to argue with Wilbur. 

Well. Not argue. Bicker, he'd call it, if Tommy knew him better. They just talked about things they disagreed about, and occasionally Phil would mention his own opinion.

Wilbur seemed to warm up to Tommy, eventually.

It took a bit longer than normal for Tommy to be brought back.

Tommy was taken back the next day. They had still been there, the both of them.

Tommy had been sure the guards had forgotten he was in the cell eventually, with how long they'd leave him alone in there.

 Tommy didn't complain. He liked being with Wilbur and Phil. More than just sitting alone all day, anyway.

Then they took him out.

They didn't bring him back.

Not after a day. Or two. Or three.

"I didn't even do anything wrong this time." Tommy muttered, as a guard gave him food.

He didn't get a response.

He missed them.

He hated that he missed them.

It was stupid of him. It was so fucking stupid, when he bolted out the door the second the guard unlocked it to come in with food.

To the room.

Nothing there.

To the other room, the one Tommy first met Techno in.

No one.

And as Tommy heard the shouts of guards behind him, he ran.

Did he know where he was running? Nope. He was just running. To get out, to find them, to spite these motherfuckers he wasn't sure. He was just running.

But then he stopped.

The place had looked important. Computers everywhere, all monitoring three… three things that were on the other side of a wall of glass.

Tommy had locked eyes with one, and he could see-

Techno.

And so the alarms screamed. And people screamed. And Tommy screamed, as this colossal thing smashed through the glass. 

Honestly, Tommy was still processing it. Trying to figure out what the fuck just happened.

He didn't know what to do. 

What the fuck was he supposed to do?

He- yeah, because that Techno. There was something about it. The creature.

Yeah. Yeah Tommy was freaking out a bit. What the fuck. Because he knew something was wrong. He ignored it. Not ignored. Missed it. He fucking missed all that shit they did, just because he was desperate to talk to someone. God, he was an idiot.

Techno was just staring at him. He looked like a fucking bipedal boar, but he had to be at least ten feet tall.

Why. Why the fuck. Tommy wasn’t allowed to make friends in a weird lab place that kidnapped him without them turning out to be fucking eldritch horrors or some shit-

Technoblade moved forward. Tommy found that he couldn't move. No, that was nice. That was fucking awesome, he'd just be wiped out by this guy. Why not.

But then Techno bent down in front of Tommy. His red eyes were fucking glowing, illuminating Tommy's face.

And then it cocked its head.

Tommy blinked.

It just stared at him. 

The other two guys- Phil and Wilbur-? That'd make sense. Those two were… oh yeah they were fucking killing people.

Tommy looked back at Techno.

Techno… Techno nodded.

…So Tommy was not being killed? That was nice. Good to know. 

Well, befriending eldritch horrors could be crossed off his bucket list.

[the-mortifying-ordeal-of]

oooooh I've bragged about it to MUC and (fuck.. what's my ex's name on this blog... uhhhhh do I just call him him? fuckin sideblog bullshit, having to come up with all new nicknames THIS IS WHY WE DONT SHARE TUMBLR WITH IRL PPL) ~him~ but I want a record of it here: my plasma donation this Thursday went beautifully!! I'd taken 25mg at 1430, had a meeting at 1500, and didn't get to plasma until 1615, and it had definitely hit: I could still drive there, but I didn't take a second when I arrived. I wasn't as neurotic about my intake and macros, and I got real chatty and animated with the RN who did my screening so my pulse was nearly 80 again, but she wasn't worried and she still let me donate with my L arm while my quarter sized R bruise keeps healing.

Get this though, new-looking phleb who had been giving off nervous trainee vibes comes to stick me, it goes fine even tho I still jump a bit, but then my flow rate sucked: my machine alarm went off I s2g like 9 times. Original phleb came and adjusted the needle, second tech had me squeezing extra hard, I think the phleb adjusted it a second time...? at this point I was fully in the zone, but then the flow was STILL shit so a third person comes over (still not Phleb God who did my original stick a few weeks ago and was like a goddamn mosquito, didn't even notice until he was gone lol), and I'm like plz no plz no plz no and even verbally tried to dissuade him by saying they'd already adjusted it, but he palpates the area and does decide to pull it back a bit and all this to say THOSE ARE ALL MY TRIGGERS AND I STILL DIDN'T PASS OUT OR PANIC AND CRY AND I DIDN'T ASK TO STOP AND I WAS ABLE TO FINISH AND I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF. I had several moments in the bed of feeling discomfort, and one of the returns stung at first when it started, but when I actually checked in with my body I realized I actually felt pretty good and normal, underneath the racing thoughts and vigilance.

I am slowly making progress on this phobia!!! I'm not getting ahead of myself and saying I'm cured after two challenging but successful donations, but I have DEFINITELY made progress and I feel myself softening. It's amazing. Taking the wrap off after that third donation was also gruesome and every single layer of gauze was affected (and also stuck to me) but I handled it myself and was only slightly lightheaded. I am fucking DOING THISSSSS.

I'm so excited to have agency over my body and finances. I'm taking my life back. These are my choices, I have the power, I'm in charge, I'm the motherfucking starbitch.

[quiestestwords]

excerpts from a composition book hidden away in a drawer

12/16/23:

"i feel like i'm running out of time and i'm NOT at all but god it feels like that i feel like i'm wasting my life doing fucking nothing and it sucks to be here doing nothing and having nothing to show for it and having no one in my corner"

"i love to act all cool and tough and like nothing bothers me and put my feelings in this tiny little box and put them away but it still fucking sucks that you're out having a good time on your anniversary date that i shouldn't have had shit to do with planning like be fucking for real it wasn't cool to having me har anything to do with setting that up and planning it with everything we're been talking about like as if you don't know i have feelings but i can't even blame you because i'm the one that acts like shit doesn't bother me but come on you have to know that sucks so bad but i still end up feeling guilty for not wanting to help you set it up and plan everything and i can't even say shit like this though because that's your whole life and your family and everything you've worked for and sacrificed for and earned and you really need to go out and have fun and enjoy yourself"

"i don't see a way out of it and i don't even want a way out of it because i decided this is good enough but how long can this be good enough for me???? and how long can the shit you're settling for be good enough for you?"

"i'm drunk and i'm so angry at myself for wanting you here and i'm angry at you for having a good time without me and for being so sweet to me anyways and if you asked to see me right now i would say no i want to be alone, and i don't know if that's even what i want or if im just trying to avoid you to like fucking punish you for shit you didn't even do and idk what else to even do it say but i'm being the bigger person and not saying a word"

12/18/23:

"i had a nightmare and i can't even tell you that because youre so fucked because your car got repossessed and idk what you're even going to do now and i can't even imagine the situation you're in it feels so far away from me like i can't help and i can't ask if you're ok and it's not my life and i need to take myself out of it"

"i was at your house last night and i didn't kiss you so there's that, i could've and i wanted to but it's the wrong thing. your life is not my life. i need to let it go. you're not ready to let go but i can feel you choosing him and your family and that's the right thing and i don't fit into it. i realized when i told you i had a bad dream and you didn't respond because your problems are so much realer and bigger than mine that your life is not my life. i also realized that i have no one else but you. you have people around you and you need them. i wish i had that. which is fucked. "

"you're not feeling super chatty that's fine. i'm not either. i don't have anything to say that you even slightly want to hear. it's not my place. i had a shit week and didn't want to talk and you didn't try to make me talk and that pissed me off. now you don't want to talk and that also pisses me off. how fucked up of me to be so selfish when you're going through so much shit."

"i miss sammy. i want to do better for my cats. i want to do better for you. i want to not care enough to even want to do better for you. i want to run away. i want to have someone other than you to talk to so that when i feel like this i don't have to poke at you and test you and try to figure out if you'll have the capacity to listen to my fake stupid problems on top of your own shit. i'll just stop trying. i'll talk to you here. i'll talk to deisy or something. i don't even want to talk to her. i don't want to isolate myself either. i want to be in your bed. i want to be held and i want to hold you"

"i'm feeling guilty. i don't belong in your bed. i'm guilty because i wish you weren't in this situation - for you and for me. why am i angry. i wish we were young again and that this played out differently. we would be best friends and lovers. that's not your life. it could be my life, but not with you. i wish it was easier. i wish i was better. i wish you were better. i wish i wanted someone other than you. i don't want to look for her. i dont think i know her. what am i supposed to do?"

12/28/23:

"i want you to hold me. i miss you. i wish i could be with you for real. you would treat me so good. i would be better for you. i miss you. please kiss me like you mean it. im tired of being alone"

"i dont want to play animal crossing anymore. i want you to text me back. i want you to say you want me. i want you to say youre on your way. please i need your help. i cant believe i cut myself today honestly. imma feel stupid tmrw. if i didnt wake up that would be ok. i wanna hold my cats. i wanna be held for once. please take care of me. i miss you. i love you. TALK TO ME"

1/16/24:

"i dont even want to talk anymore. it makes me uncomfortable idk. im afraid to say anything real. im gonna see you this weekend and im gonna want to kiss you and hold you. and i shouldnt and i wont because you're trying to fix your marriage. im gonna be alone with you and im gonna be reckless about it."

"im so drunk. i was drinking already when you texted me this isnt why im drinking but come on!!!! i want to know what youre doing right now. do you let him fuck you? im pissed off. dont do this to yourself. dont do this to me"

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Watched the video of Peacock and Gamble Don't Even Want to Be On Telly Anyway, the Edinburgh show with Ray Peacock and Ed Gamble from 2012, that is available as a video of the full hour on this Patreon page (actually we've been blessed with two versions of it, one the earliest WIP and one from Edinburgh), as well as a bunch of other things that I'm getting increasingly into reading/watching/generally dipping into as I see my plan of "I'm just doing the rest of the Peacock and Gamble podcasts and then moving on to something more highbrow, no further Ray Peacock/Ian Boldsworth work" slipping further and further away. Though to be fair, a lot of Ian Boldsworth work is more highbrow than Peacock and Gamble, though so are most things. I am absolutely not listening to anyone talk about ghosts, though. Might listen to a few interviews and general chatty podcasts and will definitely lose a lot more hours to reading his Pateron blog posts and greatly enjoying their thoughtful in-depth nature, but I am not listening to anyone talk about ghosts.

Anyway. Even if you're not interested in thoughtful in-depth musings about the nature of life, I do recommend jumping on the above Pateron page because you can find a full-length film of the Peacock & Gamble 2012 Edinburgh show on there, and it's great. Really, really good. I watched most of their 2011 show as well, it's not up there as a full hour but there are a lot of different clips of it, enough to get a significant feel for the overall show, and much of what I saw was funny, but this 2012 seemed a lot better and I am so glad it got preserved in some form.

If you do go looking for it there's another blog post that gives some fairly interesting and bleak context on why they did a show where the premise was that they'd been trying and failing for years to get on television and had now decided they don't even want to be and this is their live show explaining it. A live show laced with a fair bit of dramatic irony, if you're watching it in 2024, given the wild discrepancies in television appearances since then. There is one bit where Ed Gamble sarcastically proclaims, via the medium of song, that he wants to be famous so much he'd even compromise his artistic principles by appearing on Mock the Week.

I guess there's not much point in writing a post that goes too deeply into the specific aspects of a stand-up show from 2012 that wasn't really meant to be seen outside its time, but it's very funny. Just a whole bunch of funny sketches, really, but with a throughline and narrative and that sort of thing. And a few inside jokes from podcasts but not a huge number of those. There's a bit where they parody a Beyond the Fringe sketch that made me choke on my water from laughing (they also paraodied other sketches and it was all funny, but that one was first and where I first got what they were doing and fucking hell that made me laugh). And a fair bit of satire, if that word can be used on something so wildly silly and childish, about the showbusiness industry. I think it can be used that way, actually, and this is a more accurate use of the word "satire" than the way it gets applied to anything that's vaguely topical comedy (not even that this is better than some superficial topical comedy show that gets incorrectly called satire - it mean it is better but that's not the point - the point is that, separate from the quality, this meets the actual definition of the word "satire" better than a lot of things that get called satire).

Also, "Every year, 85 million Americans come here for fun, history, and to see where Harry Potter happened in real life." - Ed Gamble, Peacock & Gamble Don't Even Want to Be on Telly Anyway, 2012

...No, shut up, Ed, you don't know me. I haven't been playing old Harry Potter games for the last couple of months because I'm going to London and Edinburgh this summer and seeing places that will "feel like Harry Potter" is part of the attraction to me and I want to jump back into that stuff to remember how much I loved it so I'll appreciate it even more when I'm there. That would be a weird thing to do. (Obligatory note: I promise that in playing these games, I have not done, and would not do, anything that could translate to profits for JK Rowling. I've been playing EA games from 2001-2004, I could not pay JK Rowling for them in 2024 even if I wanted to, which I do not. I got them off old abandonware sites and had to modify the files so they'd run on a modern laptop. The graphics look like they were outdatedly bad even by their release dates, which were when I was in middle school. I would never touch Hogwarts Legacy. Ed Gamble doesn't know me or my reasons for tourism. I'm also going so I can have a look at the site of the famous Daniel Kitson/Gavin Osborn Regent's Park Open Air Theatre shows, you didn't predict that, did you, Gamble?)

[tammyfeabakker]

360 (317×360)

Welp I was minding my own buisness... I have been on some strong allergy meds... put my music on.. start my workout. I heard in my head .. Bunny's up (my nick name). Low and behold my phone rings. Its him could you please walk down here I need to ask you something. I said sure rolled my eyes got up. Went down there. Let it rip he asked me bout the property line. Could of asked that over the phone. The dynamics definitely changed. I was not chatty like I usually am. I jus wanted to leave actually. Because it ain't getting anywhere. I know whats gonna happened...( the picture above is as close as I can to what his ex looks like) she's works 2 days a week on disability... no sooner she gets off work goes down there. Why does this tick me off? I'm not egotistical... I jus worked really hard to maintain my body and youthfulness.. money sweat 25 years.. I still have a six pack at 59. I have pride in myself I'm stylish as well. She is a grandiose narcissist... she feels like she's being challenged. Now your gonna run down there thinking your better then me. Now she's copying me she's out there in workout gear on she has 2 plants it took her 3 hours. I'm out all day I love being out. Any temp I'm outside. Her hair is in a bun use to be a ponytail. I put my up in a bun. I'm not saying I'm attractive I often wonder why. Men will do my beckon call. I have beautiful eyes though I'm almost 6ft long legs. I carry myself with grace and confidence and style I ooooze sensuality I have a beautiful soul. It pisses me off that she thinks he will jus melt in her presence after he sees me... bitch he will hunt me down. Why does he hunt me down? is beyond me. Because if this is what he spent 15 years with its beyond me. He is definitely attracted to sexy women. And he could get anyone he wants for sure. I seen how the women get in dollar general they get tickled pink when he walks in. I use too now I don't. The guy ain't fixing my car for free because I'm nice. He definitely doesn't expect anything in return. I could make him a very happy man. I'm jus simply over this bitch over it. I'm not in a competition. I'm trying to fight back going over there and saying something to her bout it. Why do you go down there after I jus was there? Do you have a fucking problem with me? Do you actually think your fucking better then me? In my eyes nobody is better then anyone. I'm not competition to you. You will never win. Because he will hunt me down. I don't want to be involved at all. I havtah get a oil change and my pullies looked at. I sat there fighting myself back going there to make an appointment. Oh a reason to see him. Nope because I'm over it. Its no reason to start shit but it bothers me it does. When she comes back to her house she's all I'm so great he is all about me. I don't wanna be the cause of her greatness or subject myself to yuk please dear universe just stop it jus stop burning my eyes . How the fuck do I get myself involved in this bullshit? because I'm gonna explode on her. Your not me stop acting like it!!! Just stop!! Him just leave me be jus leave me be. I'm going there today to make an appointment I'm dreading it. Because she will jus run there again... and its going to piss me off. I leave my car he will expect me to stay and I am because I'm hoping she will come down there when I'm there. I'll catch her giving me a dirty look and she has I jus let it roll off my shoulders not this time. I will fuck her up because I'm looking for a reason now.

[abbatoirablaze]

SDAU, Grumpy Grizzly, Shot Down

Word Count:  1.2k

“Yeah right, like anyone would ever want to date him.”

“It’s not a date, Madeline,” the girl grumbled, “not a real one…just say yes.  It’s an invite to a Rho party.”

“I don’t care!” she squeaked, looking away from her teammate, “I am not going to a party on Lee Bodecker’s arm.  He’s a pig and an asshole…”

“Most Rhos are,” her friend reminded her, “Just do it. Come on. You know they throw legendary parties.”

“You’re only saying that because Barnes invited you.”

“Yeah?” she asked, “What’s your point?”

“There’s nothing wrong with him!”

“He’s an asshole too!”

“But at least he’s hot,” she growled, pushing her friend lightly, “Bodecker is just…ugh…I don’t want to go into this with you…why couldn’t someone like Everett ask me?”

Her friend scoffed, “you want to fight that tigress that he’s had on his arm the past few weeks, kudos for you…”

“You get what I mean,” she groaned looking back away from her friend, “Curtis is a bear…but he’s thick in the right ways…Lee…isn’t.”

“Whatever Kia,” her friend replied with a laugh, “but I can’t pull any strings to get you in.  So it’s either Bodecker or nothing.”

“I think I’ll choose nothing!”

“I uh…I’m still here, you know,” Lee growled, growing angrier by the second as he glared at the two women who had proceeded to have the conversation as though he would somehow disappear.  They both looked at him, the chatty parrot shifters tinging pink as they became embarrassed.  Lee bit his lip and shrugged them off, “Whatever…I was trying to be nice because Buck asked your fucking friend, you uptight cunt.  You’re a stuck-up bitch with no ass.”

Before she could even so much as gasp in shock, Lee had skated off towards his teammates who were actively working on their defense. 

“Don’t worry man…I’ll make sure Buck uninvites that bitch,” Curtis said, hitting Lee’s shoulder, “that was fucking brutal to watch.”

“Or we can embarrass the fuck out of both of them?” Pronge smirked, his gaze shifting to the two parrots who were still gawking at him.  Lee looked away; his ego heavily bruised, “I can have em regretting talking about you like that.  They’ll be the talk of the campus…you know…next, after fucking Alana..”

“Fucking bitches,” he groaned, more to himself than his brothers, “why do you guys keep making me ask girls to our parties?  The only ones that say yes end up ditching me halfway through em anyways!”

“You’ll find a girl, Lee,” Curtis said hopefully, “I-I can see if Adriana made any cute little omega friends in her classes if you want…invite them for you?”

Lee shook his head, unable to handle the thought that he couldn’t get his own date so his friends had to do it for him, “Guys, I-“

“I’m gonna fuck that girl up.” Pronge decided, skating over to the two figure skaters who were still on the edge of the rink.  Curtis watched as the girl blushed, and quickly nodded her head.

“You cool with what he’s doing?” Curtis asked briefly, “I’ll put his ass in line if you’re not…”

“You know there’s no stopping Freezy when he gets his mind set on something...fuck you know how he acted out last week with that human he was dating.”

Curtis put his hand warmly over his friend’s shoulder, “we’ll get you a nice little obedient omega, Lee…don’t worry about it, sheriff.”

Lee gave a sad smile to his friend, and president of his frat, “r-really…it’s not necessary, Curtis…I think I’ll just hang out in my room and drink alone.  Maybe get some studying done…I don’t know…but I-”

“Be a man, Lee!” Curtis exclaimed, cutting his friend off while reciting their motto to the alpha.  He punched the chest plate of his friend’s padding to emphasize that he needed to man up, “we’ll get you your obedient little thing and you’ll be cuffing her to your bed, knotting the little slut before you know it!”

“Curt-“

“I’m gonna get you laid this year buddy!” Curtis smiled, cutting his friend off, “I found my mate and I’m not just going to leave you in the dust.  You’ve been my best friend since we were knee high, Lee…den brothers.”

“Den brothers!”  Lee groaned as his friend skated away.  He knew Curtis wasn’t joking.  The two of them really had been friends since they were cubs, and Curtis always watched out for the chubby alpha, making sure that despite his quiet exterior, no one ever took advantage of him.  But Curtis had something in common with his best friend that bonded them since they were cubs; regardless of how quiet Lee was; he had just as bad a mean streak as Curtis.  They’d even joked when they were kids that they’d find their mates around the same time and they’d be ‘den brothers,’ making sure that they had kids together that became best friends just like them. 

Any time Curtis had a girlfriend, he made sure Lee was taken care of too, and now that he had his mate, he was going to make sure that Lee had the same.  Lee was grateful, deep down, knowing that despite how people looked at the two asshole alphas, they always had each other.  And then there was Pronge. 

He was like the red-headed step-child of their little friend group.  A lynx, adopted by bears Pronge was a weird mix of his own instinctual habits with the ones of his learned family.  He was chuckling as he skated back, “Uptight little bitch.”

“She say no to you too?” Lee asked hopefully.  Pronge shook his head and he frowned.

“No…but she wants to make sure I don’t ditch her at the party and leave her with you,” he smirked, “oh…I’m gonna fuck her up good.”  

Lee frowned.  Another small dig at his pride.  His bear rolled over in his mind, over what felt like the constant stream of rejection from women, “Pronge, can we maybe not talk about how women don’t want to be stuck with me for a few minutes?”

“Don’t worry buddy,” he smiled, “I’m gonna be her little date for the night then get her really fucked up and let the pledges have their way with her…she’s gonna be on the latest installment of Rho Girls Unhinged.”

Lee closed his eyes and put his hand over his forehead, instantly rubbing his temples from the oncoming migraine. 

“Listen…I understand that you’re doing this for me…but I’m a cop, Freezy,” he groaned, “you can’t tell me you’re going to drug a girl and let the freshies take turns knotting her while you film it without her consent.”

“Hey, hey!” he said slowly, holding his hands up in defense, “I know what you do, buddy…I never said any specifics…and drugs?  What drugs?”

“Pronge…”

“You have such a wild imagination, buddy,” Pronge grinned, tapping his friend on the back, “drugs…where would I even get such a thing?  Who does drugs?”

“Bobby, you’re the biggest dealer on campus.”

“PShhhh,” his friend laughed, shooting him a wink, “Lee, you’re crazy!”

“Freezy-“

“You want first shot at her?” he offered sneakily, “I can blur out your face if you want…your little cop buddies will never have to know.”

“You’re fucking gross,” he laughed, looking back to the rink entrance where the girls no longer stood, “you know that, right?”

“And yet they always keep coming back.  They wall want a taste of freezy.”

“SHERIFF!  FREEZY!” Curtis called from halfway down the rink, “STOP FUCKING AROUND!  WE HAVE TO PRACTICE!”

Tag list:  @lohnes16, @bxnnywriting, @krissy25

[bottoms-movie]

SAMBUCKY FIC RECS

so a lot of people seemed interested this so here it is! if ya’ll like this, i can make more parts! this is split into three categories: based on tfatws, canon divergence, and au. all fics are on ao3. all of the fics are complete. some fics do include smut, but i included the ratings, so make sure to check for that based on preferences!

also, feel free to send me asks on your thoughts on any fics or if you’re interested in another sambucky fic rec post!

BASED ON TFATWS

Fill the Hole in my Heart | Not Rated | 4,848 words

Bucky dives into the world of online dating. The girls are nice, but there seems to be something missing. When he goes to Louisiana to meet Sam and his family, he realizes what that something was.

Skip, Reverse | Explicit | 7,945 words

Sam stood in the middle of their local Target with a throw pillow in each hand. The one in his left hand was butter-soft and matched the drapes in the living room, but Bucky had walked by five seconds ago and declared the one on the right “absolutely fucking hideous,” and so now Sam kind of wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything.

Sometimes romance is just bickering with your superhero partner/roommate at several different Target locations.

just won’t do right | General | 7,524 words

Sam's eyebrows go up, impressed, and he reaches over to squeeze Torres' shoulder, "This is amazing, kid. Thanks, really."

Bucky sits and watches in utter horror as the pink darkens on Torres' cheeks.

Oh, he realizes. Oh. Fuck.

body language will do the trick | Explicit | 12,598 words

“There’s no way you’re going to win this,” Bucky tells Sam. “I am going to love language the shit out of you.”

Sam gives him a considering look. “You do seem like you’d be really good at that.”

Bucky’s cheeks flush with heat. “Thanks, pal, I—”

Sam smirks, and Bucky’s eyes narrow. He shoves his elbow into Sam’s side and stalks off, leaving Sam cackling behind him.

“Your ass looks great today!” Sam yells.

Bucky reaches up to flip Sam the bird, and he definitely does not feel grateful that he wore his good jeans today. Bucky’s ass looks great every day.

checklist | General | 4,716 words

Bucky Barnes keeps a mental checklist of things he knows to be true at any given moment. Sometimes the checklist changes, because he's learned something else about himself. It changes, for example, when he starts realizing that maybe he would like to kiss Sam Wilson. Maybe.

best laid plans | 3 parts | 26,808 words

part 1: baby you’re the wave and I’m ready for the crash | Explicit | 6,616 words

Nah, my plan’s better,” Sam declares, before clapping Bucky on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, what plan? Was that a plan? It didn’t sound like a plan to me, it sounded like a vague intention,” says Bucky, still scowling, and Sam grins.

“We’re winging it, the plan is a work in progress! Now c’mon, we gotta make some wardrobe adjustments if we’re gonna get into that club.”

Sam and Bucky have some unorthodox methods of going undercover in a club.

He Doesn’t Deserve You! | Teen | 5,154 words

Sam and Bucky have an argument that results in Bucky being left at the bar. A group of drunk strangers assumes Bucky just got dumped and quickly adopt him for the night to make him feel better.

Reconstitution | Not Rated | 10,228 words

“I didn’t back Steve on the Sokovia Accords,” Sam says unprompted one day. They’re so close to apprehending the Flagsmashers and wrapping up this ridiculous saga.

“I don’t follow,” Bucky says.

“I was the one who refused to sign it first. Not Steve.”

Sam says it so softly that Bucky has to strain to hear him. Sam is loud and chatty and half the time he keeps up a constant stream of chatter just to get on Bucky’s nerves, but Bucky’s coming to realize that when he really wants to make himself heard, he’s soft spoken and mild. Bucky doesn’t entirely follow his train of thought, though.

Or: a breaking down, remaking, and coming back stronger than ever before

Stuck On You (You Suez, You Luez) | Explicit | 10,136 words

Sam and Bucky’s mission was simple: stowaway on a ship suspected of weapons-smuggling in the Suez, gather enough intel to report back, and hop off again in Port Said. Something gets in the way, and a day-long recon session turns into a week of chess, bickering, semi-successful movie references, and trying not to go slowly insane.

His Touch | Mature | 1,006 words

When Baron Zemo touched Bucky’s face, Sam Wilson saw red.

Bucky just wants Sam to comfort him.

rusted | Teen | 2,358 words

Bucky doesn’t grace him with a sound of acknowledgement. He’s been quiet, ever since that night with Zemo. Well. Quieter. It’s almost like. Every time he opens his mouth, he’s half-expecting the Winter Soldier to come out.

He hasn’t, yet. Won’t, ever again. Not unbidden. Sam’s sure of that. Bucky, not so much.

‘You busy?’

‘’m scouring the—’

‘Good,’ Sam cuts the idiot off, ‘I need you to help me shave.’

advanced therapy methods for large adult men | 2 parts | 11,717 words

part 1: The Gottman Method for Dealing with Conflict | Mature | 4,187 words

Bucky and Dr. Raynor have a follow-up session and two entirely different conversations about his relationship status.

Or: Let's do more couples therapy, James.

it’s always Bucky’s Fault | 3 parts | 20,089 words

part 1: Did you see it? | Explicit | 3,905 words

In which there's supposedly a viral video of the Winter Soldier on his knees sucking off Captain America.

Everything is, like always, completely Bucky's fault.

CANON DIVERGENCE

Even in the Present (I Am Living in the Past) | Teen | 16,977 words

Sometimes Sam still questions everything about his ability to shoulder the 80-year legacy he now bears. His history, and the history of his loss, sticks with him and even in healing he doubts whether or not he is able to fulfil his purpose, and whether he may find lasting peace and happiness.

Told in fluid-fragments, the story moves between his therapy sessions after his return from active duty and the post-Endgame present.

You never forget your first | Teen | 3,650 words

The story of Bucky and Sam getting together in a series of firsts.

leftovers | Mature | 19,249 words

With the New Avengers up and running, Sam finally has time to start dating again. Unfortunately, it's not going as well as he'd hoped.

Partners | Explicit | 7,235 words

Sam's not sure if he can be Captain America. He's not a supersoldier. He can't throw the shield. He's just a dude.

And Bucky Barnes is just a nuisance, albeit a pretty good-looking one.

I’ll explain everything to the geese | Explicit | 50,949 words

Bucky is so competent that it hurts my feelings is not a rational complaint to have about a person, and yet, after a year of being Captain America and partnering up with Bucky for the new and improved, post-Blip Avengers, that’s kinda how Sam’s feeling.

It’s not great. It maybe leads to Sam making some rash, ill-advised decisions like claiming he has a previously undisclosed superpower, and then getting caught in a web of lies when he ends up actually developing that surprisingly inconvenient superpower. Talking to birds had seemed like a harmless superpower, but it turns out that birds have a lot of opinions, and they don’t hesitate to tell Sam about them, especially when it comes to his supposedly subpar courting skills. Which is ridiculous, because Sam isn’t courting Bucky. Right?

Night Swimming | Teen | 2,056 words

“Come on. The princess has a new arm for you and I gotta see if there’s a barber around here willing to tackle your…” Sam waved a hand at Bucky’s face.

“I don’t want a new arm,” Bucky immediately bit out.

And then -

“I can cut my own damn hair.”

Sam just raised both eyebrows. Crossed his arms over his chest again.

Dared Bucky to prove him wrong.

AU

Cpvert Coffee & Flirtation Specialist | General | 5,542 words

The reporter says "—for Captain America to—"

And Bucky rolls his eyes. "Oh, here we go."

Sam looks at him then tips his head sideways, got a weird grin on his face. "Not a fan?"

"Not that. Just… the guy seems too good to be true, right? Wings and a shield?? Come on."

"Uh, is that why your eyes are like glued to the screen whenever he's on?" Kate says. "Is that why you call him Captain Tight Ass?"

"He's a goddamn show-off, and you know it. Tight ass or not."

Just then Sam snorts, real loud, grabs his coffee and suffers a horribly controlled laugh on his way out the door.

Stolen Moments | Teen | 98,767 words

“No,” Sam said, chuckling. “I don’t cheat,” he swept his gaze up and down James’ body, “even with guys who look like you. But, I’m bored and a little pissed, so if you wanna sit here and shoot the shit ‘til my man shows back up, I’m game.”

Never one to back to back down from a challenge - especially a challenge who looked like Sam Wilson - Bucky took another swig from his bottle and replied, “Sure, doll. I’ve got nothing but time.”

Steve has Sam. Bucky wants Sam. Sam wasn’t expecting any of this.

Such a Whirlwind Since I Saw You | Teen | 10,871 words

The Men of Letters turned Bucky Barnes into a weapon. Hunters Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanov are determined to save him, but they're going to need Sam Wilson's help.

“So you want me to ditch work, drive across America with you until you find your friend, who you thought was dead - all while avoiding some high-tech hunters who are out for blood?” Sam is asking.

Steve shrugs a shoulder, looking a little sheepish. Natasha almost laughs at the dry tone of Sam’s voice, but he's not wrong.

You Got What I Need? | Explicit | 37,588 words

Sam and Bucky are both in a bind, professionally. Nat points out a solution that neither men like. To save their careers they play along or rather, stop playing all together.

[polyghostfacehours]

yr probably sick as alll hell of seeing my ass in yr dms but i’m high rn n i can’t stop thinking ab getting high w my favorite stabby boys

Baby no no no. I am absolutely never sick of you in my DM's. I made this blog to have people in my DMs <3. Anyway, here is getting high with the boys. It's one hell of a time. Fun and relaxing!

Getting High w/ Billy and Stu

TW: One NSFW line

Getting high with them would be one of the best experiences out there tbh

You guys aren't super heavy or regular users, but whenever you do it lasts the whole day as you guys just relax and chill.

Billy is a super chill guy when really high. Unlike usual, he's not at all quick to anger. But it's different from his normally stoic, closed off demeanor. He gets chatty, but slurs his words and drawls a lot.

He'll sprout the most insane theories out there

"What if this really IS a movie. And I'm being played by some normal dude who doesn't like blood or horror and is secretly judging the fucked-up piece of shit he has to play. Fuck, that'd suck."

He might jokingly bring up his mom a lot, seemingly out of nowhere. It's his weed-brained mind's way of tapping into his subconcious desire to really talk aboout his mom and what happened and his feelings, something he would NEVER do while sober until way down the line of you guys' relationship.

Stu is also surprisingly less chatty when high. You can catch him often laying his head against his arms on the table, staring and nodding as he intensely listens to you or Billy talk.

His mind is going a mile a minute though, and he might interject rudely by accident if something he really wants to say comes out.

When this happens, Billy doesn't even get mad like he normally would at getting interrupted and talked over. Instead, he'll just nod and roll with whatever new tangent Stu is going with.

You guys will certainly have your bodies strewn over each other while you pass around. Think legs entangled, torsos lazily draped over another's, head's colliding every so often.

Both billy and Stu prefer blunts, though Stu does like bongs too. Billy likes spliff's too sometimes, since the combo of weed and tobacco is doubly relaxing.

They both actually hate edibles because of how intense they hit. Billy actually gets nauseous from them. Their dumbasses will still take them if offered and there's nothing else lmao.

Sex when high with them is one hell of a fun experience. It's lazy, casual, and drawn out. Neither actually dirty talks that much during it. It's intense in the fact that one of them can just casually slip inside as you're talking, while the other is fondling you and also talking about something random. Orgasms are pretty intense during this because of the edging and how drawn out it is.

God, it's a good thing Stu is loaded, because the amount of delivery he orders for you guys during this time is almost overwhelming. You'll have food to last a week, though it's not the healthiest stuff so you guys may not want to eat it all or risk feeling sick.

They both like taking their shirt off when they're high. You don't know why, they don't know why. They just do lmao.

You guys, on occasion, like finding secluded areas to get high in. A clearing in the woods, a riverbank, a cliff. Any place the three of you can escape the world and just be with one another.

Billy and Stu are actually up for bad movies when they're high. I mean, Stu like bad movies in general, but when he's high this also includes things in genres he's not usually into. You guys love making fun of shit movies while stoned as fuck.