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traincat · 4 years ago

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if you dont mind i would love to hear your thoughts on how and why peter seems to be more fulfilled by lower paying jobs (i.e photography, teaching) rather than by high paying jobs in STEM

(Sorry for the wait, anon! I did get this first ask, as you can see, it’s just that sometimes I tend to hoard asks that I want to give long in-depth answers to and then they get buried.)

So I think to best answer this the first thing we have to do is look at Peter’s 616 employment history -- what jobs he’s had when and for approximately how long. So here we have a more or less definitive list -- I may have skipped over a few minor jobs that aren’t important in the long run of the character history, but for the most part this is accurate. For the sake of brevity I am not going to count things he’s done as Spider-Man that have earned him money, like a brief bodyguard stint or his occasional time with the Avengers, because this is really more about his identity as Peter Parker and how his civilian employment plays into his life as Spider-Man than about his life as Spider-Man.

Works for the Daily Bugle on and off, through a variety of positions from part time to salaried, from the age of 15 onwards. Primarily a photographer. How good of a photographer Peter actually is varies from writer to writer, but he remains unmatched in his ability to get certain shots ranging from ones of Spider-Man (duh) to particularly high risk environments (different duh). He also briefly worked for rival newspaper the Daily Globe, the Bugle’s main competitor. His position as a full time newspaper photographer is his most well known (and most consistent) job.

A TA in grad school at Empire State University. At this point in time he labeled himself as having “the wrong temperament” for teaching -- and I would personally say I think his stints teaching college are much less engaging than high school.

Published author. His book, Webs, a collection of his Spider-Man photography, was a major bestseller that sent him on a book tour around the country. I hesitated sticking this on here because it’s very tied into his work with the Bugle -- and he was still working for the Bugle when the book was published -- but I figured it was worth including for the novelty of the fact that Peter’s technically a best selling author/artist.

Peter worked as a scientist at Galannan Alternative Research for Immunization Development (GARID) in Portland after his clone Ben Reilly took over the identity of Spider-Man. Although often overlooked in discussions of Peter’s job history, I think his stint at GARID is important in part because it illustrates how much of Peter’s time being Spider-Man took up and how a job with flexible hours was necessary for that balancing act. When he was working at GARID, Peter wasn’t Spider-Man, so it wasn’t difficult for him to keep a position at a laboratory.

I mean granted the GARID job didn’t last long and there was sort of a whole big mutated monster case going on with it but you know. Anyway he pretty quickly moved back to New York and started working for the Bugle again.

Peter’s next major job at a lab comes in another period where he’s supposed to have quit being Spider-Man. (Which he did, very temporarily, and then he very much didn’t. Anyway, you’re seeing the pattern here.) He briefly worked at Tricorp, a private brain trust. This is a really short-lived position, even as Peter’s science gigs go, because -- Spider-Man.

At this point things get dicey employment-wise as Peter heads into a weird period of canon where Mary Jane was presumed dead. She wasn’t! But everyone thought she was. It was weird. When MJ came back (and promptly left for LA, not that I blame her), Peter exited this period of limbo by becoming a science teacher at his old school, Midtown High. This is the main career, beside news photography, that I think he really shines in.

Civil War/One More Day/Brand New Day hit and completely tank the direction of Spider-Man history. Peter’s marriage is erased by the devil and also he’s not a high school teacher anymore, for some reason, even though nobody remembers he’s Spider-Man anymore which is the reason he initially lost the Midtown High job. Make it make sense. Anyway, in Marvel’s desperate scramble to take Spider-Man back to the unmarried basics, as if they even got new readers that way, Peter returned to photography. When Dexter Bennett bought the Bugle out from under JJJ while JJJ was sick, Peter began working for the newly minted “DB” as a tabloid photographer. It wasn’t great.

He also briefly at some point in here worked at a comic book store for like five minutes. Mostly he complained about people who read comic books and made jokes about how he doesn’t get along with the X-Men.

Under Slott’s run, Peter began working at Horizon Labs. Slott had a pretty major problem with Peter’s genius not being “recognized enough” and constantly had him inventing new things, showing off, etc.

Horizon Lab became Parker Industries under Otto Octavius when he bodyjacked Peter during Superior Spider-Man and made himself CEO. When Peter got his body back, he was still CEO. It was bad but Peter did tank the company on purpose so that Otto and also nazis couldn’t get their hands on it, which was sort of fun.

Peter went back to work for the Bugle, but as their science editor, because Slott was still in charge and there was some weird commentary about photography not being an adult job. Which I think is pretty weird in a medium that’s very dependent on visual art. But okay.

Then Peter got fired because he was busted for plagiarism of Otto Octavius’ work... that Otto did himself... while he was in Peter’s body... and Peter couldn’t reveal this because then he’d have to explain... and maybe I hate comics.

In MC2 he becomes a forensic scientist! I really like this for him actually. I think it combines his interests and experiences in a very thoughtful way. But I do want to note it’s after a Spider-Man career ending injury, so again there’s not a real conflict there between his work as Spider-Man and a career.

Peter I think is an especially interesting case in how his character ties into his employment history because one of the first things he does in his story is figure out how to make money, and he does this because the Parkers don’t have any. If Ben and May were comfortable -- even comfortable enough that their teenaged nephew was unaware of financial pressures -- Spider-Man’s story would be completely different. But Peter immediately feels he pressure to use his new powers to earn money, at first with brute strength. And what he says he’s going to do with his earnings is that he’s going to take care of Ben and May:

(Amazing Fantasy #15) So the concept of Peter as someone who is very aware of financial pressure and who is pretty explicitly linking money to support is present from the absolute beginning. But at the same time, there’s a kind of selfishness presented in him here -- he’s only going to take care of Ben and May. They’re the only ones he cares about here, because as he’s stated they’re the only ones who have ever “been kind” to him. Peter at the beginning of his story is very rooted in his anger and his bitterness, and it takes him losing Uncle Ben -- because it wasn’t Peter’s “job” to stop the burglar -- to get him to the point where he starts to be able to see beyond that.

Ben’s death also heightens the Parker’s financial pressures -- Ben is the primary earner in the household. (Aunt May in the original context of the early 1960s was most likely a homemaker, and as an older woman especially she wouldn’t be expected to have a job. But even moving the timescale up to a point where she would be expected as a woman to hold down a job, it’s important to note that early in Spider-Man canon Aunt May is depicted as being in very poor physical health.) While it’s not clear in the initial Spider-Man stories what Ben did, it’s clear that with his death whatever income the Parkers had coming in abruptly stops:

(ASM #1) This sets in concrete one of the central conflicts Peter and May have -- both of them lie to protect the other. Peter feigns being an ordinary boy in order to protect May from the stress of his secret life as Spider-Man, worried that she wouldn’t be strong enough to handle the danger he regularly puts himself in. But this is a learned behavior, and here we see that he most likely learned it from May: she doesn’t want him to worry about the very deep financial troubles they’re obviously in, so she pawns her jewelry, and she stresses to him the importance of his education. Again I have to note that there are some pretty significant social differences between the 1960s and today in regards to this story -- Betty Brant, for example, notes that she had to drop out of school and become a secretary because of her own family’s financial problems, something she’s ashamed of. So early Spider-Man is very rooted in money, class, education, and how those things intersect. I think it should be noted that the only early Spider-Man characters who are financially well-off are Liz, Gwen, and Harry. (We don’t know anything about Flash’s financial situation in early Spider-Man comics but retroactively we know his family situation is not well-off.) In high school, Liz’s father is a bigshot who owns a dining club, but later on the Allans experience financial hardship with Liz quite literally being on the streets when Peter reunites with her when he’s in college. Harry’s father is a rich businessman, but from the beginning he’s depicted as emotionally negligent, caring more about money than spending time with his son:

(ASM #40) “After all... I had a business to care of! Money was the most important thing of all! I had to get rich! I needed wealth... for that was the key to power!” So right away you have this link between wealth, corruption, and negligence. Norman’s pursuit of wealth is his given reason for his neglect of Harry. Later on we’d learn that Norman’s father was also abusive and that that abuse formed Norman’s ideas about power and wealth. (Spider-Man! It’s about cycles of abuse!) There’s a very contrast between Norman’s attitudes here and the Parkers loving (but poor) household. Gwen is the only exception here -- she and her father are depicted as comfortable, most likely edging into wealthy, although on nowhere the level the Osborns have been elevated to. But compared to Peter, Flash, and Mary Jane especially -- all from poor households, with MJ and Flash’s fathers both being abusive -- Gwen’s home situation is the picture of stability, both in terms of economic status and in terms of her loving and very present father.

My goal in outlining all of this isn’t to say that Spider-Man’s message is definitively “money is bad” because I don’t think it is. I think as a series Spider-Man is very aware of the comfort that money can provide. But I think there is a frequent message about excess in Spider-Man -- excess power, excess wealth. As Norman says above, in his eyes, money is the key to power. With great power, comes great responsibility. In Norman hoarding and abusing his wealth, he abuses his power. If he provides for Harry, it is solely through money -- there is no love or devotion in Norman’s money-focused world. And I think that’s important when you look at where Peter starts in his story, before Uncle Ben’s death. He’s going to use his powers to make a lot of money and he’s going to provide for Ben and May but he’s not going to care about the world outside of that. I think one of the interesting things about Peter -- and this is where Slott’s run especially fails the character -- is that he’s not interesting in getting rich. He’d like to be comfortable, for sure -- he’d like to have enough money to not have worry about it, to not have the need to hustle impede what he can do as Spider-Man, to be able to take care of his family. (And there’s some machismo stuff linked in here for him too -- in the early days of their marriage the fact that Mary Jane earns much more than him is something he struggles with.) But he doesn’t care about being rich. He doesn’t care about the money; he cares about the support that the money would bring.

That feels like a simple statement but I think it’s actually a really big distinction, especially when you’re analyzing a character. And I think it’s because Peter understands that value that it makes him so empathetic to others who have financial struggles. One of my favorite short self-contained Spider-Man stories is called Windfall, from Marvel Fanfare #42, where a mixup with a check embroils Peter in the personal affairs of a bank teller, a young single mother who is fired from her job ultimately because she refused the advances of her boss. Peter gets her her job back -- through blackmailing the boss for his other sexual affairs, which some people might think is immoral of him, but I think really speaks to Peter’s understanding of how the greater world works, and what he’s prepared to do to get bigger justice. But more importantly he uses his own money to pay the young woman’s rent, and he does it in a way where she never even knows it’s him. Because he understands her situation, the way someone who had grown up comfortable never could. And that understanding I think puts him a place where it’s more important for him to both keep that understanding and maintain that ability to act relatively freely, in the way that bigger, more prestigious positions in scientific fields might restrict him. There’s a reason he keeps getting fired from these scientific positions and it’s not that he can’t get them, because we can see from his employment history very clearly that he can. It’s because the freedom to act as Spider-Man and what he can do as Spider-Man is ultimately more important to him.

And while high school teacher is my number one favorite profession Peter has ever had, I think that his position as a newspaper photographer is also very important to the character’s history, in part because the Bugle is such a big part of his life and the connections he’s made but also because the Daily Bugle itself is important. I think it’s interesting to note that two of the biggest superheroes of all time from both of the big companies -- Spider-Man from Marvel and Superman from DC -- have had long running journalism jobs, Peter as a photographer and Clark as a reporter. I don’t think I really have to go into a whole thing about how good journalists are so important and why it matters that we have these incredibly famous mythic figures that are positioned in the roll of journalists specifically. But I do think it is important to Peter that he’s put in that position as someone who cares about uncovering the truth. So ultimately I think what I mean when I say Peter is more fulfilled by his jobs as a photojournalist and as a high school teacher than by his comparatively more high paying stints working as a scientist in a lab is that Peter gets the most fulfillment out of careers where he can actively see, day by day, that what he’s doing is helping people, and that it’s a very direct line from him to the people he’s helping. His efforts can’t be twisted, they can’t be used for other purposes the way they can within a larger organization. He has a line of control in what he can do to help other people. It’s like how Spider-Man functions best as a street level hero: what he does best is saving and helping individual people, on a case by case basis. And you can turn around and demonstrate that in his civilian life best in jobs where he gets to directly interact with people. And ultimately to Peter making that difference is more important than a better salary.

(Marvel Knights Spider-Man #9)

#peter parker #marvel comics #traincat talks comics #long post/

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nanamismami · 4 years ago

Text

high. suna x reader

and to my message you reply

hi. is this another suna fic based around “why’d you only call me when you’re high”? yeah...whateva

pairing: suna rintarou x reader

warnings: angst, toxic relationship, drug use, nsfw if you squint your eyes and do a little dance, vomit (suna got sick:(), fluff

genre: angst, fluff

wordcount: 2104

a/n: is it fanon? yeah. a little ooc? yeah. sorry :(

fic below da line :)

a late night always holds many possibilities. a party, a date, at the least a break from the status-quo. yet somehow you always manage to find yourself at the exact same spot every time.

suna’s front porch had changed several time since you first started rendezvousing with him. he had a habit of buying large plants, but forgetting to take care of them.

“the only thing he spends more money on than weed is houseplants,” you chuckle. he was still calling you, though he had failed to open the door after five minutes of knocking. you retrieved a key from the underneath of a dying hydrangea plant and let yourself in.

not all of his late night calls were for personal pleasure. there’s been many times where he needed a place to hide from an angry dealer, or an extra $20 from his doting partner. more often than not, he needed someone to ease him off of a bad high. suna has bought laced all too many times, and couldn’t turn to any other responsible figure but you. “you’re really good at it,” he would tell you when you inquired about him calling someone else for once.

his messages were a frenzy of “i need help”, “please come over”, and a million other vies for your company. it had been like this for about seven months: he phones you, you get pissed, and yet you still show up to his doorstep. admittedly, your meetings were generally for sex. you weren’t ashamed of it; but he was.

you told yourself you wouldn’t ever stand for a shitty relationship. yet here you were: a glorified booty call for an emotionally distant man. he only kept you around by taking you on the occasional date. buying you a gifts when he thought you needed one. empty promises of “we’ll put a label on it soon, they’ll know soon.” you knew it was a lie, he did too. but what if one day it wasn’t? what if one of these days he really did mean it? you could get intoxicated off of that feeling, fulfilling his every request for a bit of attention. there was nothing you wouldn’t do to hear “i love you” cascade from that boy’s lips.

pushing into his house, you see him in a crouching position in front of his couch and, god, was he shivering?

“rin? what the hell happened?” you said to him. you didn’t yell for fear of breaking the odd calmness he seemed to be in. his reaction to your worried questioning was delayed. his usual cat-eyed stare was almost comically large.

“went t’ a party. took ‘sum. don’t feel good,” he managed to slur out. you threw a large knit blanket over his shoulders and sat next to him. “what did you take?”

“a tab.”

“of what?”

“i don’t know.”

great. you knew the rest of the people at the party were probably just as high and would be of no help.

not knowing what else to do, you moved him to sit on the couch and grabbed a glass of water. it’s not the first time this has happened, and still he never remembers in the morning. every time he’d wake up and find himself in your arms, he’d blame it on the high and take a shower. suna never asked about the money you spent on ibuprofen to make him feel better, or the hours you’d spent soothing his paranoid psyche, or hell, the shower you’d already given him because he’d made a mess of himself. he never knew about the frantic research you did trying to find out how to detoxify whatever drug he managed to find himself on that night. that’s not what matters right now, though. not to him at least.

“how long ago did you take it?” you asked him. he was sat with his chin resting on his knees, hesitantly taking small sips of water.

“an hour ‘fore i left the party, bout two.”

was there ever a time he checked on you? did he stay up late wondering if you were safe? he did seem to care some about you... anything physical, he bought for you. he always left you feeling satisfied. was it okay to want more? is that what you deserve? of course it is. you should be with someone who treats you with sincerity. someone who shows your beautiful face off to their friends. someone who when they talk to you, they aren’t-

you checked your phone. three: twenty-seven. there’s no point in trying to regurgitate it now. his hands were shaky, and lost grip of the plastic cup containing probably his only source of hydration within the last twelve hours.

the loud crash of his cup on the hardwood helped direct you to the true nature of the relationship you found yourself in. the silence of the home as you went to refill his water didn't help either.

the sudden rush of water falling from the cup onto your hand caused you to jerk you arm back and shut the faucet off. turning around, you’re met with a looming body and a hazy gaze.

“you’re taking too long,” he commented.

you set the cup down and looked up at him. you had a right to know what he was thinking, even if it wasn’t clear at the moment.

“rin…” you whispered. he bore down at you and his eyes sharpened ever so slightly. he must be a bit more cognizant of his surroundings, even better for your question.

“why do you only call me when you’re high?’

in your head, it was beautifully executed. the moonlight coming in from the sliding glass door, your enunciation, his careful gaze. christ, it could be straight from a movie.

suna was a very bad actor. your performance was rewarded with a pile of vomit at your feet and a half passed out man leaning on your shoulder. you guided him back to the couch and laid him on his side, then cleaning up the kitchen.

coming back, you find him awake again, lousily sitting on the couch. he at least had washed his face and changed his clothes.

“i’m cold. come hold me,” he demanded

you really couldn’t help the smirk on your face. he was so needy when he was like this. obediently, you sat facing suna, and he launched himself on top of you. maybe this is why you stay. it was satisfying feeling needed by a man who wanted for very little. you stroked his dark hair and lightly kissed the shell of his ear. “do you feel any better, sweetheart?” you only call him names when he won’t remember them. sober suna would roll his eyes and ask you to not call him that.

“you make me feel better.” honesty wasn’t ever a symptom of his current state but hey, you’ll take it.

in fact, you’ll take full advantage of it. “rin, you’re not going to remember this in the morning, are you?” you knew what the answer was

“...i will.”

your eyebrows knit together and you pull his face to meet yours. his arms snake their way around your neck, his weight forcing you to lay down. suna shoved his face into the crook of your neck. he breathed out lightly, refusing to meet your eyes.

“y/n...why are you so good to me?” is he aware of what he’s saying? does this mean he’s remembered every other time and refused to acknowledge it? questioning his integrity might just ruin it, so you only massaged his scalp.

“because i want to rin. you make me happy, and i want to.” a half lie; would he care?

“but you could be happier without me. i dont get it.”

“i love you too, ya’ know.” it was a concerningly matter of fact statement, especially from him. “i wish i could show you. you're just so pretty, and smart, and just so... so good. you’re pretty scary, you know that? how am i supposed to be vulnerable with someone like you?"

if the ever observant middle blocker couldn’t figure it out, how the hell would you? there’s only so many things you can fully understand.

“because i love you, rintarou.”

you probably shouldn’t have said that, and you knew it. never once had either of you brought up that word. it could easily be the rock to shatter the glass house.

his soliloquy is almost laughable, it’s only what he knows what you want to hear.

“are you still high?”

“not really. my stomach hurts though. and i’m kinda hungry.”

he didn’t get up. instead, he asked you to roll over so that you were both lying on your side.

you had no idea if he was being truthful. he isn’t exactly one to say i love you so freely. but he knows you are close to leaving. a slightly calloused thumb strokes your cheek and lifts your chin,

“i meant it.”

“no, rin. you didn’t.”

a look of genuine hurt colored his otherwise bored face. did he really mean it?

“were you telling the truth?” he asks.

were you? there wasn’t exactly another explanation for your actions.

“i think so, yeah.”

“then so was i.” you thought it was bull, opting to shut him up before he could give you anymore false hope. before you could kiss his face, he beat you to it.

“that’s bullshit, rin.”

it was tentative, hesitant. he knew you weren’t really convinced. if there was a god, he prayed that they would make his testament of truth pass from his lips to yours. if there was one thing he knew he couldn’t live without, it was you. he would not be able to tie his own shoes if you weren’t there to teach him. but how were you supposed to know that. he fucked up big time, why was he just now realizing it?

“after our first date, i told the whole team i was gonna marry you.”

“the coach too.”

suna rintarou telling the entirety of ejp about his love life is laughable. you wanted to believe it, really, you did.

“that doesn’t line up with everything else that’s been going on.”

“y/n i-i know. i’m sorry. i’ll change.” his pleading was pathetic, to be honest. he’s made those same promises before.

he was desperate at this point. suna knew he was in the wrong. there had to be a way to save this; he didn’t like seeing you sad, seeing you leave.

he pulled his phone out, pressing a few buttons here and there. “look!” he said, shoving a new instagram post in your face. it was the only picture he had of the both of you together. he had let you take it. it was a timed photo, facing the two of you in his reading chair. you sat sideways in sunas lap, and your arms were tightly wrung around his neck. he was looking down at you, and you were pretty sure (you hope) he was smiling a little. the caption of his post was simply a heart.

“that’s just a social media post.”

there was that word again. he looked like he was about to cry and there was emotion in his voice, could he really be lying?

“baby please. i’m serious. i’ll do anything."

the usual flat tone of his monotone voice began to have some melody to it. against his own will, it was shaky, trying to find the best words to sing.

"i’ll take you out every day, a-and i’ll get you front seat tickets to my game. anything, love, please just don’t leave me.”

there’s something sweet in a statement that you don’t know the validity of. you can dance around it, pretend it’s true, pretend it’s false. sometimes, you can choose for yourself what tune to dance to. that’s what you’re doing now.

suna’s large hand was petting your cheekbone, and one of his legs was thrown around your body, imprisoning yourself to his ambiguity. how would you win his approval if you disregarded his one showing of vulnerability?

“i would never leave you rin. now get the fuck up so we can go to your bed and sleep.”

his sheets were a pleasant greeting compared to his scratchy couch. he laid flat on his back, pulling you so that half of your body was on his. he slowly leaned toward you, kissing you forehead, nose, cheek, and just about anywhere else he could on your face, finishing with your lips.

you could definitely tell he was lying about how deep his true lack of sobriety was when he threw you over his shoulder, his bad posture refusing to adjust for the added weight.

he always knew you cared too deeply about him, but getting see what you did for him when he wasn't supposed to know. it did things to him. his bedroom door was already open, and he jokingly tossed you onto the bed. not enough to hurt you, but enough to convey his desire for a bit more normality. because that's what other couples did, right? he was trying.

“goodnight, y/n. i love you.”

it was almost instinctual, the way you smiled and chastely pecked his lips. laying your head back down on his chest, you sighed airily.

“i love you too, rintarou.”

#suna #suna rintarou #suna rintaro x reader #suna x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu time skip #angst #fluff #haikyuu angst #suna x you #suna x y/n #haikyuu imagines

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ivy-kissobryos · 5 years ago

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hi, im kinda new to witchcraft and i dont really know anything (prayers, rituals, beliefs, etc), plus there's a lot of contrasting info online so i don't know what i should go with. could you please briefly explain how you view witchcraft and what you do? i'm going around asking this to a lot of other blogs to get a general sense of things. thanks!

Before we begin I just wanna point out that when you say prayers and beliefs, I think of paganism. When I hear ritual and witchcraft, I think of magic.

Religion and magic is intertwined but you do not have to be pagan or wicca or whatever to be a witch, or vise versa. For me, a witch is someone who practices magic, whether it be simple things like jar spells or folk magic or traditional witchcraft or anything ceremonial or ritualistic (although some ceremonial magic practitioners prefer the term magician over witch, which is up to them). A diviner is someone who uses divination tools such as tarot or pendulums to seek knowledge (and again, you can be a diviner without ever touching witchcraft). Spirit work and hedge work is also another area for you to look into.

You can be a pagan - lighting incense, praying and making offerings - without being a witch either. Some say there is inherent magic in worship, but personally, if you just worship but don’t practice witchcraft (do spells etc) then you’re just a follower of a pagan religion. And there is nothing wrong with that. Of course, you can also be all that I mentioned above simultaneously too, but there is no hurry to quickly define yourself when you’re starting out. Changing the way you label yourself or your craft as you grow (or foregoing a label in the first place) is equally valid too.

More info on some beginner tips + my views on witchcraft below.

If you’re starting out some times I’d give are:

Learn how to protect yourself. Energy work and shielding techniques is how I started, or calling on Archangels if you believe in them. Once I was more comfortable I began learning how to use witch bottles to defend myself, how to banish (look up the LBRP) and more.

Read and read and read! Not on Tumblr but actual books (the legit ones, not the trendy money-milking ones) and historical sources. If there are contradicting sources, use your gut and your brain. Check for author bias and cross-check with other sources. Listen to your intuition yet use critical thinking and discernment too.

Record and test your divination and spells. See if a prediction comes true. Test if a spell manifest the desired result within the given time frame. If you do a wealth spell, then the spell’s success will be confirmed by increased wealth. Try altering your methods, and note if you become more successful or accurate and adapt accordingly.

Don’t be pressured to spend loads of money on your craft especially when you’re starting out. Of course, you may want to give fancy wine as an offering to your god, but if that isn’t feasible then a home cooked meal alongside traditional offerings such as bread would be alright too. Also with books, of course it is good to support occult publishers but try borrowing from libraries, find e-books and use your university account to borrow them, or find PDFs of them online.

Personally, it may not be suitable for complete beginners but I recommend books by Troy Books for witchcraft info. For learning Lenormand, the Complete Lenormand Oracle Handbook by Caitlin Matthews is the best. I know it’s 600+ pages but I swear it’s so good.

For me, witchcraft is about power. When you feel like there isn’t anywhere else to go, when your friends seem distant or unable to comprehend what you’re struggling with, when the law has failed you and corruption has won, witchcraft is a way to redirect your life and regain your sovereignty. Which is why I also believe in hexes and, in some context, curses (although I know it’s a can of worms to open and I’ll make posts on hexes and curses one day).

Divination is used to give you guidance and insight into something that may take you forever to figure out by yourself. It is also a way to communicate with the divine. What I am against though, is using divination to spy on others, as you’re essentially destroying other people’s rights to privacy. Claiming 100% accuracy is also an act of hubris, which is why I always say that my readings are reasonably accurate because in the end, free will triumphs over all and even the strings of fate has many threads.

If your relationship with a deity is rooted in transaction, then it can be said that you are working with them, not worshiping or devoting yourself to them. A devotional pagan relationship between oneself and one’s deity can be transactional too (eg: I worship Dionysus and he helps me with giving me opportunities to grow, along with giving guidance on my path) but what is more important is the devotion - the love and bond - you have with said deity.

Where the line between witchcraft and paganism blurs is when you involve deities in your spell or divination.

When I was young I used to dismiss the incantations that the monks in my country use. However, one day I went to a ceremony where almost a hundred monks gather and pray, casting their spells in unison, and even with my initial derisive views towards conventional Buddhism I felt something that day. Now, I realize when certain words have been spoken and imbued with power and continues to be recited with fervent faith for hundreds or thousands of years, power becomes inherent in those words. The same goes for rituals and spells.

This is why a beginner who had never managed to manifest anything properly can screw up when doing ceremonial witchcraft and end up bringing misfortune into their lives. Those ceremonies are meant to be performed that way, invoking those gods, for a reason. Best case scenario when you mess up is they don’t work. Worse case is they bite you back. Same goes for spirit work and especially so regarding demon work. I was curious about the Ars Goetia in the past, and I am immensely grateful that my naive, idiotic past self had enough brains not to attempt any summoning. If you want to prove to yourself that the magical world is real, there are better ways to do so.

Do I believe the gods are literally real? That Buddha walked his first step and a lotus flower bloomed under his feet? That Dionysus wrapped a ship in vines and turned the disbelieving pirates into dolphins? I don’t think so. But I have faith in my gods the same way one can be a Christian without believing that the Earth is 9000 years old. And I believe in magic because I have felt it and observed the evidence.

Maybe it was easier for me to believe because I grew up in an animistic and spiritual country, where things like divination and spirit work is ‘normal’ (although people do fear and respect the supernatural). Making offerings to household spirits is something my family does weekly. Hell, almost every family has a mini spirit house in their property that hosts the spirit of land guardians. Going to shrines and praying to our local version of ‘dryads’ and ‘tree ghost’ is common for if you want good luck or a bargain.

Messing with corpses is now outlawed, but witch doctors in my country have been known to make consecrated oil from the corpses of women. As recent as 2012, stillborn fetus had been used in ceremonies which turn them into household spirits to bring luck - if they are pleased and fond of you. Of course, magic of these types are against the law because the actions required to perform them are illegal, but the point is, it shows that magic is very real and still believed in where I come from.

If you’re coming from a western worldview where all of this is ‘weird’ or ‘primitive’ or ‘crazy’, it might feel difficult to trust in your supernatural senses, to have faith or to find your path. But if you keep practicing and refining your skills, you’ll find that magic is something that will always draws you back to it, that it is something you cannot live without.

#about me #witchcraft #paganism #hellenic #dionysus*#tarot #lenormand #energy work #witchblr

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jojos-stardew-adventure · 4 years ago

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stars and stardrops

A/N: I’m honestly amazed i’m still sticking with this, thanks for being patient with my slow updates 🙏🏾

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chapter 6: post mines

first chapter <<last chapter | next chapter>>

Summary: you deal with the aftermath of running around in the minds, and you think about getting a new weapon

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Standing outside Giorno’s clinic, you go over what you would tell him. He didn’t seem like the snitching type but you haven't known him long enough to be sure.

You even tried to clean up some of the caked up slime off you beforehand, but you still looked a hot mess.

Caesar had pretty much demanded that you go to Giorno right away. So you had to put your much needed and wanted shower on hold and sneak here, praying you didn’t run into anyone along the way.

The hastily wrapped bandages Caesar did for you were sat loosely on your hand.

Just keep your face straight. Don’t pause when speaking. Easy-peasy.

When you enter the building you see a man with his hair styled in a particular way, sitting at the front desk.

“Hello--Woah, are you okay?”

You internally sigh in relief. Who were you kidding? You had no plan and were expecting Giorno to immediately connect the dots when he saw you. Maybe your luck was finally turning today.

“Uh well...no? I got kind of scratched up.” You raise your bandaged hand up.

The man looks skeptical but you couldn’t blame him. “Well if you come to the back, I can help fix you up?”

“Yea, thanks...”

You move toward the door and the man leads you into one of the patient rooms. You sit on the examination table hoping you wouldn’t dirty it too much. The nurse--at least that’s what you were assuming from the scrubs--pulls out a first aid kit.

“I’m Josuke Higashikata by the way.”

“Nice to meet you. Well this is a weird way to meet to be honest...I’m ____--sorry rambling…”

“It’s okay. I’m going to take the bandages off your hand now.” He begins unwrapping before he continues. “What did you cut your hand on?”

“Well…” Your voice trails off as you look off to the side.

“I just want to know if I should be worried about infection. We don’t want your hand to fall off or anything.”

Your eyes widen. “O-On a sword. I accidentally grabbed it too hard. It was kinda rusty too…”

As he cleans the wounds, Josuke asks you some more questions before reassuring that you should be okay.

After he wraps the huge cut on your hand, he moves on to the smaller ones on your body. It’s silent for a while before he speaks. "I don't really want to get in your business but why were you playing with a sword?"

"I wasn't playing with it! ….I was in the mines." You sigh. There was no reason to lie at this point.

Josuke arches a brow at you.

"Please dont tell Giorno," you laugh nervously.

"I won't,” He shrugs, shaking his head. “But he's probably going to figure it out eventually."

Especially since I ran into Fugo, Narancia, and Mista there--doesn’t mean I won’t try though.

You sigh, "Probably, but thanks anyways."

Your gaze moves upwards, away from his face. Josuke was a very handsome man, but your eyes couldn't help going elsewhere.

"How did you do that?" You point at his immaculate styled hair.

His fingertips carefully brush against his hair, “Do what?”

“Style your hair like that. It looks really interesting.”

Josuke raises a brow. “You don't mean that in a bad way, right?”

“No, no, it's just interesting! I didn’t mean to be rude.”

He shakes his head slightly. “You’re good. I just jumped to conclusions.”

He finishes with the rest of your wounds and smiles at you. "Okay, you’re all set ____."

You jump off the examination table. “Thanks!”

When you're led back to the front, Josuke lets you off when you realize you don’t have any way to pay him.

“When you start producing crops, you can pay me back then,” he says with a joking lilt.

You think he’s only half joking though. But you don't really mind since he just patched you up.

When he offers you a piece of candy--which you excitedly accept--that solidifies Josuke’s place on your free first-crop list.

-----

Are you ready to start your initiation?

If you had known you would be expected to go back into the mine so soon, you would have stayed out of it like you were supposed to!

You had to politely take that offer for another day though as you'd had met enough slime monsters to last a month. Of course you didn't say that last part out loud. Maybe next week you’d venture into the mines again with Caesar in tow to proctor your test.

Or maybe in two weeks. Or three.

You get out of the shower, dry yourself off quickly, and change into a pair of jammies. It was a bit early for that, but you didn't plan on going out for the rest of the day--you didn’t want to get anymore dirt on you after just getting clean.

You flop on your bed, getting under your thick covers, but your thoughts prevent you from relaxing properly. If you were going to go back into the mines you would need a better sword at some point. The one you have right now seems a few hits away from crumbling.

Wait, why were you planning on going back into the mines?

Damn your curiosity.

Knowing yourself, you’d forget and end up floors deep in the mines with a broken rusty sword, so you decide right then that you need to get a new one ASAP.

You force yourself off the bed to look for your map. You’re pretty sure you saw ‘blacksmith’ labeled somewhere on it.

-----

Early in the morning, with your map in hand and a stomach full of cereal, you walk all the way to the blacksmith, which took much longer than you thought it would.

Not only was your destination almost all the way on the opposite side of town, the map gave you a false idea of how big the town actually was.

You pause at the entrance of the small, darkly colored building and wipe at your forehead. The back of your hand sheened and you silently hoped whoever ran the place didn’t mind sweat.

You push open the heavy door and walk into the building. The furnace across the room covers the area in a comfortable, warm glow. However there's no one here.

"Hello?" you half yell.

There's no reply, but then you hear noise from the back room before a giant man with white hair walks through the door.

You immediately get caught up in his eyes--ink black scleras with blood red irises.

"Do you need something?"

You jump a bit from the man's low voice and break eye contact. "S-Sorry. Um, do you like...do swords? Oh, I'm ____ by the way, the farmer," your voice wavers a bit at the end.

"If you mean make them, then yes."

"Okay, great! That means I didn't walk here for no reason...Is it going to be expensive? I mean it’s obviously not cheap but how expensive will it be?" You made some money fishing but you weren't rolling in it just yet.

“Well, I need to know what you need it for first.”

“I need it to fight...in the mines.” Bringing up the mines was starting to make you feel silly. “It doesn’t need to be anything fancy either, just sharp.”

The man considers you for a few seconds. “Okay.”

You stare, surprised he didn’t kick you out. Maybe he didn’t care.

“I’m assuming you don’t have the materials needed for it but I can make you something easy to wield that’s still on the cheaper side…”

When you hear the price you can’t help internally cringe but you were set on getting this weapon. Risotto must have noticed your hesitation though.

“You won’t have to pay it all at once.” He smirks a bit. “Payment plans are a thing you know.”

“I know that!” You cross your arms but are secretly relieved that you wouldn’t be spending a huge chunk of your savings all at once.

“Thank you--Wait I forgot to get your name?”

A moment passes before he answers, nothing in particular showing on his face. “Risotto.”

You grin. “Well thanks, Risotto.”

------

“What happened to your hand?” Abbacchio asks you. He had been eyeing it for the past 10 minutes.

You could just fess up but you knew a reprimanding would come with it and you weren’t in the mood. Future you could deal with it. "Just cut my hand on the farm. It’s nothing serious."

Bruno's face seems neutral but you have a feeling he wasn't buying it. You smile crookedly however and try to change the subject.

“Did you guys know some of my plants finally sprouted! I hope you guys like beans…”

Abbacchio gives you an annoyed look but doesn’t push any further.

#my boy josuke's no snitch v.v #jjba #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #Jojo no Kimyou na Bouken #josuke higashitaka #risotto nero #jojo risotto #stardew valley #stardew x jjba #My writing #reader insert

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knicole0527 · 4 years ago

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How Did I Fall For Unwritten History?

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If she was a drug I’d take it . She grounds me . She makes love to my mind , heart , and then my body . Her way of words sometimes makes me feel stupid because she uses words I cant imagine using . My vocabulary aint that big . But ask me about math or science ? I’m definitely ya girl . She was my missing piece . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side .

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t .

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending .

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace .

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock .

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling each other out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our mutual friend , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete failure in the relationship .

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept making promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I deserved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though . But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health .

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . But I will play the hand I’m dealt . Maybe I will win and marry the woMAN of my dreams . Or maybe I will just fck it up once again . We Will See .

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trueslove · 5 years ago

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✧･ﾟ: * ( park jiwon , cis female , she / her ) have you seen violet hwang around ? i hear the twenty-one year old is working as an art director . did you know they have 97 love alarm points ? if they ever want to be truly loved someday they should ease up on being temperamental�� & enigmatic . at least you can say they’re disarming & convivial, too. / love alarm blocked

hello ! im xan and ur watching d*sney channel ... just kidding we do NOT support big corporations who just wanna take ur money 😔 im 22 , from the est timezone ( even though my sleeping schedule ... does not reflect that sjbdwjkbdjdw ) & i go by she / her pronouns ! im gonna be honest this intro is gonna be completely winged so buckle up .... and meet violet 😋

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ quick stats + aesthetics !

full name: violet hwang.

nickname(s): vee, vivi.

zodiac: tba....

sexuality: bisexual.

birthplace: manhattan, new york.

current residence: toronto, canada.

aesthetics: maraschino cherries at the bottom of a glass, driving with the windows down at night, unanswered text messages, black nail polish, the sound of rain hitting the windowpane, kissing and not telling, smiles that don’t quite reach the eyes.

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ backstory !

was born and raised in nyc baby ! she’s a true city girl, grew up in lower manhattan ( the financial district if u wanna get specific ) to a family with lots of $$$$ thanks to her father’s position as a ceo of an investment bank located on wall street

life was pretty smooth until she was 17 and her father got arrested for embezzlement and fraud </3 it was actually a huge scandal for the investment bank he worked for because it was a whole group of higher ups who had been in on these crimes. basically a bunch of already rich men trying to get richer ... disgusting ik /:

her life changed pretty drastically after that ! the hwang name was all over the news, their family was pretty much disgraced by high society in nyc, not a very fun time for anyone but especially not for violet’s mom

after her dad got arrested violet was uhh high key furious with him for ruining their lives with his greed and she wanted nothing to do with him, but her mom couldnt let go. she was still defending him, spending the money they had left on lawyers which included the money the family had set aside for violet’s trust fund that she would have had access to once she was 18 </3

so her plans for college changed pretty drastically JSDBJWBDJW ( goodbye ivy league education ) she actually ended up getting into the university of toronto for visual studies on an academic scholarship

so she made the big move all on her own....moved into a tiny dorm...and vowed to reinvent herself. she didnt wanna be labeled as the daughter of a white collar criminal anymore so she just made it a point not to talk to much abt her past to anyone

her struggles as someone who grew up with $$$$ turning into a broke college student made for some embarrassing but funny moments <3 luckily though everyone else had their own struggles so no one found it suspicious JSBDJWBDJ

when love alarm launched three years ago, violet had just started college so it was really the Big thing anyone and everyone was talking about. since she’d never been a fan of other dating apps, she wasn’t gonna download it but her roommate at the time convinced her ! at first it was fun, just something she didnt take too seriously

fast forward to graduation and she’s snagged a job as an art director for a little local museum, doing freelance art directing on the side to help pay the bills. low and behold one day a photographer hires her to be the art director to a shoot they’re doing for a badge club member who was in a very high profile and public relationship at the time

violet ended up working with that photographer and badge club member a handful of times, enough for her to catch fee-🤢 catch feelin-🤢 i cant even say it .. she’d never rung anyone’s love alarm before, so of course her first time had to be with someone who was already taken </3 safe to say she ... freaked out

she was embarrassed above all else, but also heartbroken bc in her head like ... why would someone who literally is part of an exclusive club based on ppl ringing their love alarm care that she rung theirs ? she didnt think it’d be a big deal to them the way it was to her ( but also didn’t stick around long enough to find out jsxbsjbdjw )

when she was offered the block she didn’t hesitate to use it figuring it’s better if no one knows her romantic feelings ever again like that /: she’d delete the app but a part of her still likes knowing there are ppl out there who DO like her like that so ... Rip truly

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ personality + tidbits !

she comes across as ... kind of a bitch SDJBJWBJWBDW it’s truly not on purpose she just has a pretty serious resting expression most of the time ( so she looks mad or annoyed even when she isn’t ) and she’s pretty difficult to get to know ? not to mention the fact that no one has ever witnessed her ring someone’s love alarm .. so all that combined just makes it easy to assume she’s some sort of ice queen when that’s far from the truth /:

violet really isn’t one to open up too deep to people, but that’s got a lot to do with the past she’s kind of running away from ! so if you’re her friend most of the stuff you know about her is probably surface stuff, but when she’s close to someone she can make that fact hard to realize ? she just has a way with making the people in her life feel important so it’s easy not to be focused on how much you know about her

never bothers to correct the people that misjudge her. if you don’t like her, if you want to make up assumptions and rumors about her, go ahead like violet really won’t stop you which can sometimes make meeting new people difficult </3 if you’ve seen the dating class webdrama chuu was in she’s kinda like oh seyoung’s chara joowon 🤧

if she wants to, though, she’s pretty good at getting people to like her / trust her ! she does this a lot in professional situations, which is why she’s been doing so well as an art director so far despite being so young

she’s also very loyal to her friends ! if you can’t ask for extra sauces at mcdonald’s....if you can’t make a phone call to your credit card company explaining that a $3,000 charge to starbucks wasn’t you.....she’s your girl <3 since she’s relatively not bothered by the way people see her ( unless it has to do with her past ) she’s usually the one speaking up if someone she cares about can’t

after the ... incident ... JSDBWJDBWJ she’s really not a fan of the badge club and everything it stands for ): BUT she continues to do art directing work for a lot of the members when they do photoshoots, or instagram campaigns, or if they have a pop up shop, etc. it’s good money and she needs every penny considering she’s living without support from her family

cannot cook to save her life so she’s always eating out .. this really is why she’s taking those more high profile jobs she can’t budget .. but it’s better, safety wise at least, that she continues wasting her money on takeout aha <3

pretends she’s not a romantic and is all about the ~casual flings~ but really she’s just afraid of serious feelings and the idea of a serious relationship ... it’s the trauma 😔 constantly jokes shes gonna bring the tinder whore era back JWDBWJBDJW she is sick of this true love nonsense ! ( the irony of this url ahaha... )

she’s the most social after a few drinks, since drunk her isn’t burdened by a mind that overthinks literally everything the way she is sober. if you don’t supervise her though she can get pretty carried away and probably get into some kind of trouble so she’s definitely not the person you want to be in charge on a night out !

really wants a dog but doesn’t think she’s cut out to be a pet parent it feels just as scary as the idea of having an actual kid so ... BDWBDJW if you have a pet ? she’s gonna be living vicariously through you <3

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ wanted connections !

the photographer that hired her / introduced her to the badge club member she ended up having feelings for

the badge club remember she had / has feelings for because we love suffering 😈

old roommates from college !! maybe even the one that got her to download love alarm in the first place hehehe

also a current roommate / roommates because your girl can’t afford to live on her own <3

someone she’s confided in about her past ( maybe they judged her for it and had a falling out, or maybe they remain confidants )

an ex bf or gf she dated while she was in school ! she never rang their love alarm ( even though this was pre block ) so maybe that’s why things ended between them. or maybe they never rang each others and it was just a mutual thing where they both didn’t really have feelings for each other and tried to date anyway and it didn’t work. or perhaps they dated and when violet realized she was starting to have those feelings she dipped before she ever got a chance to ring their love alarm bc she didn’t want to be exposed like that and commitment is scary ):

spare best friend ? i’d use a knife emoji to show you how serious i am but i dont wanna scare anyone away aha .. i would just love a best friend plot 🥺

current flings / hookups or past flings / hookups ! i imagine most of them to not be serious but it would be kinda cool if there was someone she’s seeing now that she’s got the love alarm block that she’s actually falling for considering she’s never gonna be able to ring their love alarm hehehehe

people she art directs for !! i imagine she’s got a pretty long list of employers ( from badge club members to regular folk 🤧 ) so it would be cool to have people who hire her for stuff, or who collaborate with her for artistic endeavors since i’ve noticed we have a lot of artsy muses <3

ummm maybe an enemy. but where it’s like .. the hate isn’t even that deep it’s just like oh you dislike me ? well i dislike you FIRST 😠 and they insult each other and try and sabotage each other like five year olds fighting on the playground like it seems super serious to them but to everyone watching it’s like ... can you guys just get over it you dumb babies KSDBSDBWD like they could probably be good friends if they just .. stopped

and you’ve reached the end of this NOVEL of an intro post JDBJWBDJWBDW im literally so sorry i tried not to ramble but ..... its just who i am </3 please come shoot me a message to plot !!! you can use tumblr ims but im way more available / quicker to respond on discord so if u wanna add me there and plot u can find me at junhee mr. soft hands ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172 i also did not check this post for typos so if u find one ... mind ur business 😭😭😭

#╰ ♡ . 𝒑𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒅𝒖𝒎𝒃 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒔𝒔 ── ooc ! ┘#lovealarm.intro #HELPSDBWJD finally i finished.....im so sorry in advance this is . so long #also im going out in like 2 hours to eat so if im slow to respond to messages tonight u know whats going on <33333

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imagineclaireandjamie · 6 years ago

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Please more of artist Jamie!!! So beautiful!

Follow up to this story

January 1976

Elias Pound had known Mandy MacKenzie for all of fourmonths – but he already knew he’d gladly follow her anywhere.

So when she proposed they spend an evening at a downtownart gallery – in a neighborhood she called SoHo (“But we have one of those inLondon,” he had protested – and she’d replied “This one has a capitalized H,silly goose”) – he immediately leapt at the chance to be with her. Even if itmeant following her on the subway (“Don’t you have one of those in London?” shehad teased), gaping at the half-beautiful, half-terrifying graffiti scrawledover the walls and seats and windows and exterior of the cars, stepping around thegarbage and panhandlers on the platform at Times Square and Grand Central whenthey transferred from the 1 to the Shuttle and then to the 6.

Once above ground at Spring Street, he thought she’d madea mistake – for the neighborhood appeared to be stone dead, even at arelatively early hour.

“Where is everybody?” Elias dug his hands into thepockets of his peacoat, pulse rocketing from a mix of fear and sheer joy asMandy slipped her mitten-clad hand through his arm.

“Barely anyone lives down here,” she explained, lookingboth ways before stepping off the curb. “It’s mostly artists and galleries.They love the big old buildings – fantastic twenty-foot ceilings in the rooms.”

A cab appeared out of nowhere, horn blaring. Mandy tuggedhis arm to stop – and the cab squealed by, the driver hurling obscenities.Calmly Mandy kept walking down Broadway, turning right onto Prince Street.

“And how did you find out about this exhibit?”

His eyes darted over to her; she just smiled and keptwalking.

“Here we are!”

And they were – for in the first sign of life since they’dleft the subway, a line snaked out of an industrial metal doorway and aroundthe corner. Elias could only see a tiny sign above the door – The Broch Gallery – and a burly man outfront, clearly the security guard.

Elias steeled himself to wait outside in the cold –regretting he hadn’t brought his knit cap – but then Mandy marched right up tothe man at the door.

“Hi – I’m Mandy MacKenzie,” she explained. “Elias here ismy guest. I should be on the list.”

The man fished in his pocket and produced an index card;he squinted, looked up at Mandy, and nodded. “All set, miss. Coat check is onyour left.”

“Thank you,” she smiled sweetly, taking Elias’ hand anddrawing him inside.

A woman wearing black took their coats and handed themeach a small booklet. Before Elias could even glance at the cover, they turned anothercorner and came face-to-face with a panel of text on a gallery wall.

JAMES FRASER: ART WITHOUT LIMIT, 1920-1975 – A RETROSPECTIVE

Elias could see several dozen people milling around in atleast six adjacent galleries, sipping champagne, studying the walls intently.

“Who’s James Fraser?” he whispered.

Mandy looped her arm through his. “Someone I’ve admiredmy whole life. You’ll see why. Don’t bother reading the labels – I’ll be yourtour guide.”

And she was.

The first gallery displayed small pastels and watercolorsof New York City street scenes in the 1920s – old cars rumbling down widestreets, women in elegant dresses pushing old-fashioned baby carriages onsidewalks, children playing tag on a gorgeous summer day in Prospect Park, ruddy-facedmen toasting their joy in cavernous long-gone beer halls.

These were interspersed with photographs. A combinationof society portraits and even more street scenes.

“Is that the Flatiron Building?”

“It is. Can you believe that it wasn’t yet twenty years oldwhen this photograph was taken? Even then it was still so controversial.”

Elias tilted his head at a series of three of formal,posed paintings of different women. “Who were they?”

“Wives of wealthy businessmen and lawyers.” Mandy noddeda thank-you to the woman who offered a tray of snacks. “He made a good livingas a portraitist. Back in the day, that was a way for men to show how muchmoney they had – by paying an artist to paint their wives. Even after photographybecame popular – they still insisted on it.”

Elias chewed thoughtfully. “I’d think it still is a wayfor men to show how much money they have. Someone I went to school with – I rememberthere was a painting of his mother in the house. I never quite understood it.”

Mandy led them to the next room – and Elias’ jaw justabout dropped.

It was another portrait – but so radically different fromwhat he had just seen.

A beautiful woman – her curly brown hair rioting aroundher ethereal face – wearing a dress that could only be described as anincredible shade of electric blue. Surrounded by sumptuous plants andblue-and-white Chinese porcelain. Strongly, confidently facing the viewer – a hintof mischief evident on her perfect lips.

“It’s incredible, isn’t it?” Mandy squeezed his hand. “Thiswas the first work that truly got him noticed.”

“I should think so,” Elias breathed. “She’s – she’s so alive. So much more alive and presentthan in what we saw in the other room.”

“The artistry is without comparison,” Mandy agreed. “But thescandal that surrounded the painting made it even more notorious.”

“Scandal? What scandal? It’s a modest dress.”

She shook her head. “This portrait was commissioned byFrank Randall, on the occasion of his wife Claire’s thirtieth birthday, in thefall of 1925.”

“Frank Randall? As in Randall Steel? That Randall?”

“The same,” she grinned. “Anyway – Claire Randall wasvery famous in New York society at the time for throwing very grand parties attheir townhouse on East Sixty-Eighth Street. Somehow James Fraser got aninvitation to one of their parties – and once Frank learned he was an artist,he commissioned him to paint Claire.”

“I don’t see what’s so scandalous about that.”

Mandy smirked above her flute of champagne. “Well – you canimagine that Claire got to know the artist quite well as he painted herportrait. So well that when the painting was delivered to the Randalltownhouse, she told Frank she was leaving him, packed her bags, and moved inwith Jamie.”

“Oh my God!” Elias exclaimed. “Did she take the portraitwith her?”

“Of course! It hung in Jamie’s studio on East TwelfthStreet for many years.”

“And did they stay together?”

Mandy set down her empty flute on a passing waiter’s tray,and took Elias’ half-empty flute. “See for yourself.”

The next gallery was full of Claire Randall. Oilpaintings of her draped in a Japanese kimono. Pastel drawings of her reclining nudein bed, surrounded by rumpled sheets. Striking, black-and-white photographs ofher hands forming different shapes, and the curve of her spine, and the back ofher neck.

“She was his muse,” Elias murmured.

Mandy nodded. “My favorite is right over there.”

It was a small photograph – just about as big as aletter-sized sheet of paper. At the bottom right of the frame was a reflectionof the old-style camera; at the middle of the frame was Claire caught mid-laugh;and peeking over her shoulder was a man – hair parted down one side, eyescreasing with laughter.

“It’s called Joy;he took the photograph on their wedding day,” Mandy whispered. “In a publicbathroom at City Hall. Probably ten minutes after they exchanged vows.”

Elias swallowed, his heart soaring at the explosion oflove and adoration captured so simply and elegantly in the photograph.

“I’m surprised Randall gave her a divorce.”

“Apparently she threatened to go to the papers with proofof all his affairs. My understanding is that it was settled quite quickly.”

He wanted to know more – so very much more – but sheushered him into the next gallery.

Here the artist’s style had clearly matured; thecityscapes were bolder in outline, brighter in their use of color.

“He immigrated from Scotland as a very young man. But NewYork City has always been his home. His art documents what it’s like to livehere.”

It did – subways, and buses, and even photographs ofairplanes landing at Kennedy or LaGuardia. Interspersed with photographs ofClaire as she got older – still smiling, now in color – in what appeared to bethe same East Twelfth Street studio.

Before he knew it, they were in the last gallery. Whichheld a single artwork – another painting of Claire, posed almost identically asshe had been in the scandalous portrait. Surrounded by ferns, and Chineseporcelain; wearing another electric blue dress. Her face had more wrinkles, andher hair was gray – but she was still so vibrantly alive.

Mandy withdrew her arm, but he didn’t realize she hadcompletely left his side until an unfamiliar voice spoke beside him.

“Personally I prefer this one to the older one.”

“I’d have to agree,” Elias remarked, turning to his newneighbor. “In fact – ”

He froze.

“It’s you,” he croaked.

Claire Fraser – hair still curly after all these years,wearing a bright green dress and gorgeous silver jewelry – smiled.

“It’s me,” she agreed. “Jamie painted this one to commemoratemy eightieth birthday last October – and, of course, the fiftieth anniversarysince the first one.”

“Oh my God,” Elias breathed. “I – you – um, you are verybeautiful.”

Then Mandy appeared, and slung an arm around Claire’sside. “Are you flirting with my grandma?”

“Grandma?”

“Come on, Mandy – you’ll make the poor man suffer a heartattack right here. I thought you told me you liked him.”

Stupidly Elias stuck out one hand. “I’m Elias Pound.”

Claire laughed. “Yes, I know. Mandy’s told us all aboutyou. You study engineering together, right?”

“Always had a head for numbers, that one.” An older manappeared beside Claire, and kissed her cheek. “Just like our daughter – her Mam.God knows where she got that from.”

Claire nodded at Elias. “Jamie, this is Elias.”

Elias gulped. “H-hi,” he stammered.

“Ach, no need to be shy, lad! I dinna bite.” Jamie Fraserheartily clapped Elias’ shoulder. “So – do ye like the paintings?”

“Be honest,” Mandy teased.

Elias cleared his throat. “I – um – yes. I’m stillgetting to know New York, and it’s so interesting to see how your workdocuments how the city has changed.”

Jamie looked over at his granddaughter, one still-redeyebrow raised. “Very astute observation. Good that he appreciates things thataren’t numbers.”

Mandy groaned. “Be nice, Grand-da. We go to museums allthe time – we get in for free with our student IDs.”

Elias cleared his throat. “Also, sir, your work is one ofthe most honest and pure representations of love that I’ve ever seen. I – I can’tquite describe it, but I can just feelit pouring out of the frame. It makes my heart race. And that’s something thathasn’t changed – am I right?”

Jamie and Claire and Mandy – she had Jamie’s eyes, herealized – looked at him, eyes wide. Quietly Mandy stepped forward to take hishand, squeezing it. So proud.

“Thank you,” Jamie whispered, drawing Claire to his side.“You understand. She’s everything.”

“Yes,” Elias agreed, looking at Mandy. “She is.”

#;mod gotham #this is the best way i can think of to tell the rest of artist!jamie and claire's story #all of the artist aus

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saigebeaumont · 6 years ago

Text

- ̗̀ * ( robert sheehan + cismale + he/him ) have you seen ( benjamin ‘benjy’ magwitch ) walking around campus ? they are a ( twenty-three ) year old, studying ( political science ). we hear they are in ( rho pi rho ), and can be ( magnetic & irresponsible ), maybe it’s because they are a ( leo ). they sort of remind us of ( shiny red apples, walking on ledges, kaleidoscopes ), maybe we can find out more ! ( james + 19 + est + they/she ) * ̖́- + theatre/track

hi hello as u may have seen my name is james and this is my baby, benjy. i dont know how long this is going to get so pls bare with me

tw; fire?

gen. info

full name: benjamin ‘benjy’ henry magwitch / joshua hollowood but u will never catch him actually using his real name tbqh

nickname(s): think of a random name. any century, any gender, any amount of letters or lack thereof. that’s it that’s his nickname. previous aliases that he has claimed to be are - thaddeus, balthazar, dante, romulus, etc., etc.

b.o.d. - july 31st, age 23

label(s): the icarian, the blackhole, the insouciant, etc. etc.

height: tall

hometown: ???

sexuality: chaotically bisexual

bio. info

let’s try and make this short n sweet

so like. y’know when a faerie steals a human baby and replaces it with it’s own, weaker, inferior baby? benjy is the human baby in this case

except they weren’t faeries

dorothea and fawley were two...somewhat, in love, folks--who had really wanted to have a child of their own. when they did, finally, have their child--he was very sickly and small and neither of them wanted their child to be weak goddammit

so they did a switcharoo, like...switched at birth except i’ve never ever seen switched at birth, and ran off with this extremely rich family’s newborn baby instead!

dorothea and fawley were part of a circus, and thus, lil benjy was raised in a circus !! how cute.

needless to say he was raised in a very nontraditional setting, like, homeboy was homeschooled bc they were literally always travelling, around the country and once or twice out of country.

despite that, he never doubted that his circus family didn’t love him or anything like ?? yeah he never called his ‘parents’ mom or dad, but that’s bc it was like...everyone was his parent.

dorothea and fawley told benjy that his name will never define him, and he could be anyone or anything he wants to be.

this caused a tiny benjy to be CONSTANTLY changing his name. like, almost everyday he’d just declare a new name and everybody in the circus would call him that specific name. even when he did acts, he’d go by a different name every single time

this carried onto adulthood and benjy still doesn’t tell people his real name very often. sometimes they’re sort of normal names n other times they’re fucking bizarre.

when he was seven he declared his name was ‘sock’ for an entire month.

grew up doing a buncha odd lil jobs and roles in the circus, from being a lil handyman like fawley to being a magician’s assistant like dorothea. t’was a lil tiny animal tamer (before the circus stopped using animals in their acts because we don’t stan circuses like that no we do NOT) at some point but reeeaaally liked tightrope walking and things as such

also tried his hand at fire-throwing/etc. etc. but the like eighteen (minor!) burn scars across his body will tell u that it was not for him and he gave it up to pursue knife throwing tricks and juggling

wasn’t rly ever around ppl his own age, also never had a smartphone before he was like eighteen or so--he’s not old fashioned but he can definitely be behind on the times

also grew up listening to primarily older rock/folk music/whatever the fuck music his family created/his own music

that being said benjy is good w a guitar but bitch cannot sing. he sounds like a dying frog.

he also did a bunch of petty theft but that’s bc some of the other folk in the circus did it and he was like huh. looks like fun. bc benjy is thoroughly an idiot but more on that later. so he got some shit on his record but he got them sealed when he turned 18, like, asap

but. benjy is a dumbass. he committed ANOTHER petty crime, because the boy has addictive qualities, and he left some dna evidence bc boy’s got some mf hair

surprisingly, it wasn’t through his records that they found him via his dna but, rather, his real parents who did a whole ass dna kit thing for fun one day

this came as a shock to everybody involved, honestly, though tbh ? benjy didn’t care that much that he had parents who weren’t the circus, but that’s bc of his entire upbringing.

either way his birth parents wanted to like. y’know. meet their delinquent biological son and when they did they were like ‘woah woah woah wtf ur in a circus’ and he was like haha yeah

n that was...sort of it, for a while. benjy was 18, had his GED, n wasn’t planning on going to college at all.

the circus was still traveling, the world was all right, etc. etc, benjy maintained contact with his bio parents bc it was Polite to do

and then the circus burned down! somebody did a flaming knife trick when they weren’t supposed to and, long story short--the entire circus went up in flames. there were no victims, no worries, but their entire livelihood was gone and they were all effectively displaced.

when his Rich Biological Parents found out about benjy’s newfound predicament that he 100% was not responsible for whatsoever, they were like . . . . listen. we’ve got a Reputation to uphold, but we’ll send you to college.

he’s been here since he was like, 21, so he’s a junior i think ??

he’s majoring in political science but it’s like technically his first year as the major bc his freshmen yr he wanted to do anthropology and then he switched to mathematics and homeboy was nvr satisfied but now he thinks he wants to do smth w social welfare so he’s doing political science w theatre and public affairs as minors

personality

he’s got. a big personality

he’s got this sort of energy that attracts others but they don’t really know why bc holy shit benjy can be annoying

he’s just super intense ?? like the boy does not know how to calm down, he’s constantly moving around and being dramatic and sometimes whiny

pouts more than a person should averagely pouts

i wouldn’t call him a liar because he can be, very very blunt, and doesn’t know how to beat around the bush, but he likes telling half-truths simply to either confuse others or to just b a lil bitch tbh

he’s got big dumbass energy like okay he’s smart he just doesn’t apply himself very often and he just. does dumb things

gets into fights bc he’s a dumbass. like. he will purposely provoke ppl he doesn’t like, n when he’s drunk he’ll do it to literally anybody esp ppl he likes

also just. doesn’t know when to stop talking. can find ways to ramble about nothing, asks questions w the intent of being annoying, etc. etc.

his ~parents~ didn’t rly believe in modern medicine n they were just like ‘an apple a day keeps the doctor away!’ so he’s got this obsession w apples. literally is always chewing on an apple or a toothpick or anything he can get his hands on. he’s like a teething toddler, essentially

probably the dumbass who plays wonderwall at a party tbh

okay but fun fact! he’s super nimble and just. cat-like, from all his yrs of practicing n performing tightrope walking. if he falls over it’s because he wants to fall over and if he falls over it’s bc he wants ATTENTION

he loves. being the center of attention? but he’s also content with being in the background if it makes sense. he just wants to be doing something, anything

anyways he doesn’t take shit seriously at all like, i don’t think he’s ever had a serious conversation in his life ?

big slut for parties. he loves partying, he nvr knew he loved partying until he went to ucla but he loves it

he’s got an addictive personality so like okay. he’s not Addicted Addicted to anything specific (besides nicotine) but he definitely has no problem with drinking n doing drugs Often.

i mean he’s reckless too he never knows when to stop, feels like he’s tryn to be the Superior boy but he’s not and he’s probably overcompensating nowadays to deal w the guilt of accidentally burning down his entire life

drives cars too fast, drinks too much, has no problem getting into heavier drugs

also okay on a lighter note the boy used to be addicted to cigarettes bc he started fairly young but hoo boy he’s now on that juul game

literally he always has a juul on him. spends all his money on juuls

he works as a florist n a gardener for extra cash even tho his bio parents send him money, just bc its one of the only things that really calm him down tbh ??

also i meant it when i said he doesnt tell ppl his real name, like, ever. at least his first name bc he loves his last name but ? u probably dont know him as benjamin or even benjy, just smth stupid like marcellus the magnificent or booboo the fool hahahsdfgh

did i mention he casually juggles bc i genuinely cannot remember lmao

uuuhh there’s more i’m sure but !! i have a really bad memory!

i also dunno if im keeping his fc but we will SEE

he’s basically like....still a five yr old child

OH okay so i remembered smth else

he’s essentially a nomad which means he hates being rooted to ucla so he’s usually off drivin’ around the coast bc he’s bored goddammit but he always comes back bc he’s a loyal dog

speaking of loyal dogs. he’s got commitment issues. but not commitment issues? it’s sort of like. he gets really interested in things/people, kind of focuses all his energy on that thing or person, and then one day wakes up and is just. terribly bored. tends to drop ppl like that, esp relationships, and he doesn’t think much of it bc it’s Normal for him

but believe it or not, if u call him in the middle of the night he WILL show up, or if u wrong him instead of him wronging u, he’ll still b endlessly loyal

like he’s shitty but he’s got a heart ?

also like i said. he is chaotically bi. both chaotic and bisexual and also the two combined.

he’s chaotic neutral in general

wanted connections ?? possibly ??

frat bros - [hulk hogan voice] brother. he needs them

general friends ! - if u dont hate him then u just. love him, man. no inbetween

exes - he’s probably got...a few of these, because his attention span lasts like a max of two weeks

hookups - they also dont tend to last very long just bc of how he is as a person, but y’know. they good while they last

ex-hookups, specifically

ex-friends - bc he’s an idiot

if u really want to u can bring in a circus pal but firstly idk how they’d afford school but honestly. we can work smth out. hmu [kissy face]

roommate - do they hate each other ?? who knows

bad influence - they only egg on benjy’s dumbass behavior

good influence - probably forces him to study for once, or take care of his dumb ass

idk what to call it but like. ppl who HE eggs on to be bad, is generally toxic to the other person

anything else u want [another kissy face]

#uclas:intro #hi sorry benjy and i are both messes

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lim-lifeinmotion · 6 years ago

Text

A story about a boy just a little bit broken

I would like to tell you a story About a boy that is broken Not by much Only just a little bit if at all You see this boy was a happy child He did normal happy child things He’d play and sing and dance Even if not very good but oh how this boy liked to play In the mud, mud pies, mud soup He liked the mud he did Stuck in the mud, mud scrub, mud bath mud, mud, mud, mud, mud He was an odd little child, Liked playing with barbie dolls, ken dolls He had no preference really And eating snails He enjoyed spending time with his friends Although mum made this difficult sometimes You see mum didnt always agree with the other mums Im sorry you cannot see them anymore But that is okay because he had plenty of other friends to play with But none were like them He felt sad and lonely Where are all my friends? This boy also loved to fish! What a thing it was Spending time with dad who he never really saw One weekend away this little boy had a new friend Of who’m he’d like to play! A new friend he thought “I’m so happy” Mummy and daddy should we play? Allright said the little boy He knew nothing better Down his pants went I dont understand why? Touches his pee pee Nobody can touch that? But a new friend is a new friend “This is our little secret”? Okay So everynow and then They’d play mummy and daddy She was a lot older He was only 3 he didn’t know any better He did not want her to touch his pee pee Or lick his private parts But a new friend is a new friend Will everyone be angry? So as the years went by mummy and daddy wouldn’t stop fighting To count the days when they were happy? He was young but even he could count as high as 10? It’s all your fault we fight they said Time and time again If it weren’t for you kinds we wouldn’t have these problems “I don’t want to be the problem”? How do I not be the problem? Be a better boy, listen a little more, Maybe if i stay home I can show mummy I‘m a good boy I dont want you to go away This little boy found a new friend! Hip hip horaay He was so happy and excited A reason to wake up every day But this boy could never stay over Not for a whole night What if mummy was gone when I get home? Please take me home, I want to go home now. Once more mummy disagrees with the other mummy, I am sorry you cannot see them any more I’m sorry I’m not supposed to talk to you I have to listen to what mummy says Now they wont stop fighting, And we’re moving in with my aunty I liked her dog and her pool and her piano A few years we were happy, no more yelling at last But as this boy got older He saw his sister being yelled at Please stop fighting I don’t like to see you all cry When she was 15 she had had enough He didn’t want her to go but knew mummy would be happier if she did So she did We were happy again Daddy came home but the fighting continued Only with my other sister now It wasn’t long before she moved out A few years into highschool You see everyone in this family Was in the top of their clases They were not dumb or stupid They weere in fact extremely smart Nerissa was good at english,

drawing, she was also a very nice singer Tyla was good at netball and maths, she was so popular and so was nissy Ryan was good at maths and art and really enjoyed running and sports, He wasn’t the storngest but he could run and never look back But now everyone had moved out And I was again all alone The boy had no friends Although everypne knew who he was At school he’d walk and chat Bounce between groups making them smile and laugh You’re so funny ryan So many friends now! But on the weekends it was playstation and games Nobody wanted to hang out with him Out of uniform he really didnt belong And the yelling started again His entire life he did not think it would ever be him? But im such a good boy mummy I try my best every day Until one day It was time to leave You see out of nowhere he met a boy A boy he fell in love with Someone that liked him, thought was funny and kind It’s all he’d ever wanted The boys became close They shared their first kiss Their first everything What a time to be young, to be alive He would get bullied By the younger students Because the older ones knew his sisters Everybody loved them But they no longer went to school They both left way too young They were so smart and so popular I dont understand why? But this boy didn’t care The silly words people would say He was happy and in love He finally had a friend He started living with this boy, His family were like his own No fighting no yelling A safe and peaceful home for two years they lived together until they grew apart When you’re young you are curious There is so much to live for to see and to do He began to see the darkness again His home was gone again He had no friends The words now had power He tried but he let them in Fag they would say Push and shove him they would do In class he cried At home he died He began to wonder about death How beautiful it would be So he took the knife and made his first cut An addicion he would soon regret At first they were small On the wrist because thats were people did it right? But too many eyes saw You cannot wear an armband all year So he took the knife and took to his thigh So much more flesh to cut I can go deeper and harder now than before This boy truly wanted to die Bloody sheets Vodka bottles He stopped going to classes But did all his work He didnt want to be a drop out But he didnt want to go to school So in a bottle of chi he’d mix A bottle before, during and after school Nobody suspected a thing, He never wore uniform anyways He was never rude or inpolite The opposite in fact He had to be a good boy He had a job which he quit Becausee he drank and cut and cried Nothing could stop it A part of him had died So he decided he needed money Skipped a few weeks rent Was told they needed to talk So up he went and left He didnt mean to hurt them He didnt want to be a burden They found the bottles and the bloodied mess He didn’t want to make them angry So back he went “home” To the yelling and screaming The rules oh the rules Do not exist From here things fall apart and there is no more rhymes That little happy child, he was dead now, he died a long time ago and all that was left was darkness, sadness, an anti depressant shell He spent his days drinking and taking drugs and cutting himself. Nothing made sense, the only clear thing in his existance was the fact that he no longer wanted to be in this world and he made it clear that he was just waiting to die. I missed a lot out of this story, a lot of good things happened, he was so loved but honestly those memories are all but faded and bleak lost somewhere in the dpeth of the lonliness he had felt his entire lfe, the sadness, the emptiness that filled him. He was annorexic and coudln’t eat, he saw his weight go from 64 down to 48 where it would stay for some time. He met a lot of amazing guys but none felt right, none gave him that feeling that young cute boy did and no matter how hard he tried all he ended up leaving was a wake of destruction and hurt wherever he went. I could count 10 different people he ended up destroying, 2 earned the label. He never intended to hurt them, he really tried, he just wanted to feel loved, to feel something, anything at all. But never could. He sold his body for sex at the age of 17, he needed money to continue drinking and living because partying to forget was all he knew. What a messed up life this poor child had, no wonder he’s a god damn mess until the other day he knew anything bad that could have happened had happened to him, the other day when he remembered he was molested. He’s been raped by his best friend, molested when he was a child, sold for sex, beaten, thrown to the ground, abandoned on the side of the road by his parents. literally kicked out of the car at 3 or 4 years old and I just remember him standing behind the car screaming and crying, begging to let him back in. He been cheated on, drugged, ruphied, overdosed and died. He’s tried to kill himself on more occasions than I can count of both hands and both feet. He’s put himself in hospital but never once has he intentionally tried to hurt someone, Never has he ever laid another finger on another human being that he hasn’t blacked out and done in a fit of rage, childhood trauma is funny like that. I am not a bad person and I know this to be true but I feel like there is little more that life could throw at me, little more that I can have done to me because I have seen it all, been through it all and I am so angry at the world for this. For so long I see eyes that reflect the soul, I know how to play this game, I managed to trick myself into believing I was happy in order to stop myself from killing myself, you can sure as hell bet I will trick you too. When you look into my eyes and you see that pure innocent smile, that cheeky grin, the light sparking as it fills you with that infections glow. Sure some of the time it is genuine but for the most part I am just so sad and there is no way I want to put that onto anybody else, ssssssssso I will fool you into believing I am happy and so damn peaceful but my actions reflect someone so broken, so detroyed, someone that has next to no love or respect for themselves because how can I? After everything? Im working so fucking hard to make this work, to re learn the things I had stripped away from me, pice by piece, like tiny cracks forming on the glass I was constantly trying to fix and mend but like so many cracks I couldn’t keep up with the speed at which they were forming and shaterring. I became so very good at fixing them but now I am left with a broken soul, A shattered mind, a scarred body, left trying to yet again mend the pieces but she is so very tired, a life without a brake and I am ready to put the brakes on before I break because breaking is all I know how to do, breaking is what I do best but I just need a brake because it will break me otherwise. I know I am such a powerful person, I am so god damn resiliant yet still so fucking loving regardless of all this shit. I wonder sometimes how the fuck I am still here, kicking, working, moving forward trying to make a better life for myself, because with all this on a page and missing quite a lot, that is too much for one 24 years of “life”, That is too much for anyone to endure. I havent even mentioned my sisters life, how they both tried to kill themselves, “Home” was that bad that they would rather have died than exist. My youngest sisters boyfriend killed himself when she was 16 or so, she wanted to follow, had a note and the noose all ready. How much shit can life throw at somebody before it really is just starting to take the piss, I feel my life is just one big fucking joke because no way can this be real, no way can this be the reason I was put on this earth for. If there was a god why would he look at a 3 year old and smile telling him he was going to be sexually assaulted time and time again, beaten and abused for the rest of his 25 years in the world. How fucking dare you. How fucking dare you. This may seem like I am asking for pity but that I do not want, I don’t need your sympathy because it makes no god damn difference o me, It doesnt change the chemicals in my brain, it doesn’t give me a reason to get up in the morning or give me comfort in bed at night. I want you to know how fucking cruel this life has been and why I am so god damn fuking messed up in the deepest and darkest way possible. “Why” is the big question of endless possibilities but this is one of those reasons, one of the many possibilies, the endless ways my life could have gone and destiny looked at me and chose this path for me. Fuck you, Just fuck you and your bullshit lenses about flowers and fairies, I grew up with the monsters under my bed, the headless horseman was my ride through hell and back, Samara was my pen pall and nobody was there for me in the end to protect me, I can’t even protect me, I can’t say no to people so I just close my eyes, pretend to be enjoying it and let it happen. Fuck you Unedited rant because fuck reading this to edit its way too fucking much

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yagirlcriesalot · 6 years ago

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tw: “a penny for your thoughts?”

i think my psychologist classified it as a “depressive mood disorder” but it wasn’t a set diagnosis.

i dunno what i would classify it as. i refer to it as depression but in a way it is a self diagnosis which is why i use it lazily.

my family tell me it’s stupid to put a label to it. “you’re not mentally ill, youre just a teenager. everyone hates school. you’re lazy and antisocial.” my sisters call it an excuse. mum walks into my room to find me crying and just tells me she’s going out. like nothing’s new, nothing’s different.

i guess she’s right.

hannah says im fucking stupid for even questioning it. “it’s mostly attention seeking: a product of my own spite” i tell her, because seriously. i think it is. she cries when i cry. “you want to kill yourself, i think that makes you fucking depressed.” but does it? do i really?

she cut my nails a month or two back when i told her i relapsed and i tried to keep them short. i dont have the energy to find clippers though. theyre long again.

but i think she’s growing out of me: moving onto people who are really worth her time. people who go out with her. people who keep positive and happy. people who don’t cry on the floor of her bedroom telling her they want to jump in front of the train at the station.

it hurts to think about. it hurts so much. because i’m such a dependent person and she’s the only one who i can touch who i can actually tolerate when i’m like this. but she deserves more than being a damn caretaker. she deserves a real life so she should chase it.

i wouldn’t stop her. i wouldn’t be that selfish.

it’s attention seeking to be like this, attention seeking every time i call her with tears on my face, attention seeking every time she asks “how are you feeling?” and i say “how do you think.” because the answer barely changes. it’s attention seeking to cry so much and so loud, it’s attention seeking to tell people i know mental illness, it’s attention seeking to drag my nails across my tummy. its attention seeking to be writing this right now.

but i’m sitting in bed with tears in my eyes. my rooms a complete mess and mum’s been telling me to clean it for days. but i dont have the energy to do that. i dont have the energy to fold up my clothes, to hang up my shirts. i dont have the energy to pack away my make up. i dont have the energy to tidy up my desk. i dont have the energy. to do anything other. than sit here. cry. and type out my head.

my legs are folded. they feel weighted. tied down to the mattress.

i’m not getting up. i won’t shower tonight, not feeling like this. i’m itchy. i won’t clean. i won’t write. i won’t eat anything more. or drink. i won’t. i won’t. i won’t. i can’t. i can’t.

the only thing it seems i can do is this but i’m just telling myself that. for attention probably. i’m just convincing myself.

always convincing myself.

“be unhappy”

“think about killing yourself, you want to”

“hurt yourself, you need to”

“cry”

“list out your flaws”

“list out the ways you can kill yourself tonight”

“skip one meal”

“cry”

“hate yourself”

“complain. whine. cry.”

my head feels heavy too now. my ears are ringing. i think a headache’s coming on. i’ve already got cramps.

“how do you feel?”

heavy.

always heavy. in my legs, my arms, my fingertips. but mostly in my chest. i have an extra 10kilos sitting inside my lungs. an extra 10 kilos of what? i’m not sure. feels like concrete. or clay. or maybe just plain dirt.

it hurts but it doesn’t. a numb pain. but it’s suffocating me and i think theres something alive there too. i can always feel it eating away at whatever else is working in there. whatever else is still, painfully, keeping me alive. i don’t know how long until it’s all been eaten through anyway and i guess i’m just too tired to care about it.

hannah texted me. just now. i don’t know... whether to look - i’m being petty and it’s hurting her i can tell. she hates tense air. she hates it. she mentioned in class she and michelle were going to see incredibles2 and it’s childish of me to get offended but i did. i’m proud and stubborn. she was embarrassed. and although i feel bad i’m too proud to apologise. - - i sent her a photo of my costume for a party and she pulled a face. probably meant nothing, but now i want to cancel. i hate it i hate it i hate it. i’m always like this and it’s awful but i don’t care i can’t care.

i want to be so mean that she leaves. but i’m so scared to watch her go.

a few of my many unattractive qualities that shine brighter the more you get to know me:

- proud - stubborn - childish - a massive sore loser - bitter bitter bitter bitter bitter - spiteful and hateful

i don’t want to see her text. but i guess i’ll open it..

it’s about something else. i guess she doesn’t really care after all. time for petty grace to be bitter.

i’m such a fucking bitch.

haven’t seen my psych in a couple months. its a couple hundred bucks to see her and it really doesnt do much - merely temporary relief, but i only make promises i can’t keep. mum can’t spend the money. it’s selfish of me to say but she thinks i’m just crying for attention too. she thinks it does nothing. she doesn’t care.

when it comes up here and there and she tries to brush it down, it’s always condescending. always. i know she’s trying to help but telling me that i’m fine when i’m crying every other day is not trying to help. it’s always on the tip of my tongue. it’s always there. but i can’t say it to her i can’t give her that kind of pain. i can’t.

"i want to fucking die, mum. i want to kill myself! and you don’t even care that i break down once a week. you don’t care! that i scratch my skin til it bleeds!”

but y’know, her response will probably be: “don’t swear like that.”

and you know how i said i’m spiteful? god. the people that tell me that i am mentally healthy, that i’m just being whiny, that i’m a moody teenager and i’ll cheer up soon.

call me petty. call me selfish. call me stupid and ridiculous and a waste of fucking space! i know i’m a piece of shit attention whore but fuck there’s so little holding me back from proving them wrong.

and maybe that’s what is sitting there in my chest weighing so much and eating me alive. my spite. curled up and chewing on every breath of mine. deciding whether to keep my alive or label me “roadkill”.

i’m exhausted. i have cramps and a headache. i don’t exercise. i don’t write. i don’t get out of bed. i’m an attention seeking bitch and a waste of healthy organs.

this is my depression. if that’s what you wanna call it.

...

keep your penny

#tw #suicide #depression #self harm

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thekaeb3412-blog · 4 years ago

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The Story of How I Fell In Love With Unwritten History

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling eachother out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our friend Ladaya , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept amking promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I desrved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude .

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ripples-in-the-river · 5 years ago

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Ideas for writing because GUESS WHO'S WRITING HER OLD STORY DESIGNS AGAIN? HECK YES IT'S ME, YOU GUESSED IT.

"From the dust of the stars"

STAR is someone whose biggest trait lies in her escapist fantasies. She learns languages, makes up worlds, creates creatures and fake situations in her head just to live closer to the reality she desperatly wishes to be in. She's already taken great strides in her autonomy by taking time to enjoy nature and taking long walks in and out of school. She spends most of her time exploring, and since she's started to spend more time outside, she's been smiling way, way more. Her previous persona was a broody, silent traveler, with a dark cape full of the night's mysteries. She didn't speak, didn't really have time for people. She felt angry and resentful and preferred to spend time on her own. She'd make some small jabs at them under her breath. She wasn't very approachable, but she did look absolutely badass. Now, she's opened up her face and she's always smiling. She's taken to being polite in class but she's stubbornly refusing to listen at the teachers anyways. She spends all her time daydreaming and doodling, or occasionally, writing about foreign worlds. She's become more candid and unabashedly herself, she'll laugh at the sky and smile at the rain, and even if people don't care for her much now that the mystery is over, she's happy being on her own and cannot wait to go on an adventure for real. She's had a few thinking sessions and realized she loved adventure more than anything else, so now that her parents are thinking of letting her stay away for a while so they can pay the rent better, she doesn't even pretend to be sad, and her biggest concern is whether or not she should take her dear plushies with her on her trip.

ÉLOANE, commonly mistaken as --and almost officially renamed -- "Solveig" since nobody can pronounce her birth name properly, is more of a hothead, definitely more brash, but unmistakenly someone fun to be around. She's got tons of energy, which she's trying to apply to woo everyone else around her. She loves making others laugh, making friends, and running around town showing off her latest goofy exploit -- especially to those cute girls with the most adorable laugh are involved, whereas she's guaranteed to go all in to try to impress them. She's never been this way before, though. She's never taken to the lesbian label and always described herself as bisexual, but that was admittedly back when she had her hair long and straight at her side and her face was grim and her eyes were heavy. She used to be all about looking serious, but, well, that's over now. She's still seeing herself as the rude, judgemental teen she used to be -- with the same chic clothing, the same powerful but terrifying aura, the same quiet knowledge, and silent threat she used to have. Even after trading this look with a more fun and giddy personality, she still finds it hard to part with certain things she used to believe she was, notably to admit that her latest crush is NOT the kind of girls she's into, and it's not that the brunette is bad -- cute nerds with short hair and glasses that make the cutest sound when they clink together -- she's really stuck in her ways. She's honestly very rigid, she'll tell you that herself. She's learned to laugh at herself since she learned most of her bad habits come from whatever garbage her mother fed her and called it parenting soup since she's been a baby, and it's not really been a fun ride since then. After ditching the bisexual label with great remorse, she decided to ditch her parents too. Now she takes to creating, creating, creating. She's rediscovering herself, and she's angrier, fiestier, and stabler than she's ever been. She just wishes she had someone at her side to share the story with.

ACACIA is someone who likes dark rooms and steamy tea and also those little fish eggs she would totally eat all the time if she had enough money to buy them in tons. It's for the mood, though. She's quiet, sad, and not always by choice but because she's depressed as the fish whose eggs got taken away to make that dish she feels guilty for eating. Which id also the second reason she dosn't eat a lot of it. Biology textbooks taught her a lot about the animal kingdom, and it's also given her more stuff to cry about, so that's lovely. She's always reading, and she doesn't know why, except she thinks it's great. She'll probably say something like "I want to survive" and never know what that even means. She does know some stuff, though -- that she's totally rad with glasses, that her hair really doesn't curl, and that's okay, and that short hair is colder but at least it's not as sticky anymore when she works out, right? She hasn't been doing much with herself other than finding something else to be than depressed. She's been sad and hurting for over a year now, and it's been a long trek from then to now. She's trying to redisvover colored clothing, but she can't figure out which ones she likes. She's currently obsessing over the idea that if she uses fabric someone else likes, she'll steal their gimmick and they'll be emotionally ruined forever and she'll also die for some reason, so she's decided to hide in her room and never confirm to her parents that she needs glasses until she can figure out if she likes the color. She prefers contact lenses anyways, but since they're useless in the forest, she's supposed to find some. So she's currently trying to find out how to choose a color scheme that works -- and also how to pick good berries, and good food, and how to hunt, and also feneral physics and math because screw everything, she's a sucker for knowledge. She's somehow managed to find the self-esteem necessary to be the nerd she always wished to be, and she's acing it. She worries she comes off as rude, and she might, but honestly? She'd rather be rude but useful than to feel like she didn't help anyone in her life, so she's searching and searching like her life depends on it. Which it just might. She hates being bad at something, ans also being called a perfectionnist, but she never knew why until... Well, you'll figure it out. Oh, and she's also gay, because she's been doing research and graphs since last year and she can tell you exactly what attraction she feels and when in the day she feels most giddy when meeting the cute redhead at school. But she's not going to have fun figuring out if she likes her back, though.

ANGÉLIQUE does not care about anything other than what's necessary. She's been surviving since forever ago and she knows eveything. She also hates everything and she also loves people so she's stuck caring for three idiots that she loves but also hopes don't hate her and the firest sucks and her life sucks and at least she's away so whatever. Also she figured out a way to pee in a can and reuse the water for later with some kind of mechanism that makes it pure again. Don't ask her how it works though. She's always pissed whenever people question her techniques, be it that or throwing knives at squirrels to hunt them. It does work somehow, so that's that, but she's honeslty just a big sucker for drama and she loves the aesthetic of throwing knives and peeing in a can. Also, she broke her arm and thought it would be dramatic to put it back together herself with a bandage. It wasn't too bad, but that's probably because she was dissociating too hard to feel anything other than hysteria at that moment. She's a lot more like Star than she'll admit, although she swears they're different because drama. All her life is drama gone bad, but also gone good, since, well, it works, you know? Even with knwoing absolutely Nothing ™ on survival, she managed to survive by remembering Minecraft and hoping for the best. Yes, don't tell anyone she plays Minecraft. She still misses her cow farm. Well, you made her cry now. Shoo, I have to comfort her now.

CHARACTER SHEET OF WHATEVER THIS STORY IS CALLED BTW. ORIGINAL CHARACTERS AND STORY BY ME. DONT STEAL, SERIOUSLY, IM STILL HURTING OVER THAT TIME SOMEONE STOLE MY MONSTER DESIGN FROM FOURTH GRADE. DON'T DO IT.

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padfootdidit · 8 years ago

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burn through my soul

a fyre festival au because i have 0 chill, set in the ‘marble hearts collide’ universe bc ria asked for like an 80k companion fic, and because 36 of you seemed to like the idea. basically: it’s half fyre and half ust denial jily and a Big Mess.

for @gxldentrio @petalstofish who asked for more and @fredweasleying who supports james and sirius’ stupidity

most of my info is off the snapchat stories, articles and tweets but i’ve also done a lot of exaggerating, so take all reference to the festival with a bit of salt

It’s Sirius’ idea because, if it involves a stupid waste of money and the promise of celebrity chefs, it will always be his idea. And, because it’s Sirius’ idea, James is in.

“It’s ridiculous,” Lily says, scrolling through the festival’s instagram.

“No, it’s luxury,” Sirius says and snatches his phone back, “you wouldn’t understand.”

Remus raises an eyebrow, “she practically lives with you, I think she understands what luxury is.”

“And waste of money,” Peter adds, helpfully.

“I can’t believe I let any of you into my house, when you’ve just come to insult me!” Sirius pouts, throwing himself dramatically back on the chaise.

“Criticise your money spending habits,” Remus corrects, and just manages to dodge a throw pillow Sirius launches at him.

‘What does Potter think, anyway?” Lily asks, looking down at her own phone.

“Why does Potter’s opinion matter?” Sirius retorts.

Lily is definitely avoiding eye contact, “It doesn’t.”

There’s a murmur of disbelief, and Lily scowls at her phone, knowing that if she looks up she’ll be accosted by five raised eyebrows, because only Sirius has learnt how to raise both separately.

“But, seriously, when is Prongs back?”

“Well, Moony, funny you should ask...” Sirius smirks, “he arrived last night.”

Lily’s head shoots up, “but -”

“But what Evans, not happy to see me?” A voice comes from the doorway, and they all turn to see James leaning, not as gracefully as Sirius would have, against the doorjamb with a smirk to match Sirius’ on his face.

“How long have you guys been planning that?” Peter asks, and he’s not as fast as Remus so a throw pillow hits him in the stomach.

Remus laughs, “probably longer than they’ve been planning this festival bullshit.”

“Losers,” Lily mutters, finally looking away from James, pretending that her phone screen is more interesting than the bit of chest his loosely tied dressing gown shows.

James Potter to lily evans’ home for peculiar children: we made it to the airport folks

Remus Lupin: shame

Sirius Black: fight me bitch

Lily Evans: we thought ur chauffeur might crash on purpose

James Potter: why would he do that???

Sirius Black: i dont have a chauffeur

Sirius Black: i have wesley

Peter Pettigrew: who is a chauffeur

Sirius Black: no he’s my driver

Remus Lupin: difference?

James Potter: more importantly tho

James Potter: he would never crash on purpose

Lily Evans: he would if he thought it might shut u up

Sirius Black: y would anyone want to shut us up

James Potter: yeah

Sirius Black: thanks bro

James Potter: i got ur back bro dw

Remus Lupin removed Sirius Black from the group

Remus Lupin removed James Potter from the group

Lily Evans changed Remus Lupin’s nickname to our lord and saviour

“Do you think they’re there yet?” Lily says, watching Remus as he methodically searches through Sirius’ drinks tray.

“I think we would know if they were,” Peter answers drily.

Remus pauses to inspect a label closely, “Pete’s right, we’ll know.”

“Missing them already?”

“Fuck off,” Lily scowls, “just want to ask Sirius his netflix password.”

“You don’t know already?” Remus says at the same time Peter says, “bitchbetterhavemymoney, capital B.”

Lily frowns, “he told you? He doesn’t tell anyone.”

“Correction, he told James, and it’s way easier to bribe James than Sirius,” Peter smiles triumphantly.

“I swear you use it all the time? Remus asks, setting down the bottle in favour for a shorter, fatter one.

“He logs in for me and then makes me log off afterwards,” Lily says, rolling her eyes.

“Here we go,” Remus stands, presenting a bottle of scotch to Peter and Lily, who are cuddled up together beneath a blanket on the sofa, and grins, “the most expensive bottle.”

“Are you sure?”

“Because, last time you said it was and then he came back and told us it was only his third most expensive one and -”

“I’m sure,” Remus says, interrupting Lily. “Not only is it the most expensive bottle on the living room’s tray,” he gestures around the room they’re in, “it’s also more expensive than anything in the drawing room.”

Lily Evans to ovaries before madame brovary: remus found it

Lily Evans: party @ 10

Mary MacDonald: should i bring snacks

Gemma Jones: ahhahaha gd one

Mary MacDonald: thank you <33

Lily Evans: he’s put a padlock on the chocolate cupboard but the pantry is full

Marlene McKinnon: I can’t believe we know someone who has a pantry

Lily Evans: shameful isn’t it

James Potter changed the group name to WASSUUUUUP

Sirius Black: blocked

James Potter: u said u liked it???

Sirius Black: yh i lied

James Potter: fight me bitch

Peter Pettigrew: ur plane didn’t crash then

James Potter: landed safe and sound

Remus Lupin: shame

Lily Evans: have they showered u in gold bars yet

Peter Pettigrew: have they got a red carpet for u all

Remus Lupin: are all the other rich ppl as rich as u

Lily Evans: have u had a competition to see whos richest

Peter Pettigrew: i bet the toilet had tenner notes for paper

Remus Lupin: more like fifties

James Potter: u all suck

Sirius Black: they’re just jealous bb

Lily Evans: but srsly

Lily Evans: what’s it like

James Potter: amazing

Sirius Black: the beach is beautiful the people are beautiful the tents are beautiful

James Potter: it’s like a rich persons dream

Remus Lupin: u, as a rich person, cannot make rich ppl jokes

Lily Evans: ***rich bitch

Lily Evans: check ur privilege potter

Sirius Black: says the white girl

James Potter: checkmate

Lily Evans: point

Peter Pettigrew: have u seen a jenner yet

Remus Lupin: is the only available beverage pepsi

Lily Evans: ^^^the real question

Sirius Black: WHY THE FUCK DID MCKINNON JUST SEND ME A SNAPCHAT OF HER IN MY BATH

Peter Pettigrew: i’ll ask her

Peter Pettigrew: she says it was for the vine

Sirius Black: WHY THE FUCK IS SHE IN MY BATH

Sirius Black: GET HER OUT OF MY BATH

Sirius Black: u r having another party aren’t u ohMYGOD

Lily Evans: brb

Remus Lupin: idk i can’t read suddenly

Peter Pettigrew: gtg sorry bye

Sirius Black: TRAITORS

“What if James finds, like an heiress though? What are you going to do then?” Tegan asks, leaning so far across the table Lily can see down her shirt.

“Potter can do what he wants,” Lily shrugs, “why do I care?”

“Because you’re in love with him,” Marlene says, high-fiving Mary.

Lily downs the rest of her wine glass, “factually incorrect.” Factually incorrect meaning unwilling to admit the truth.

Gemma shakes her head, “how could you not be in love with him?”

“Very easily,” Lily snatches the bottle from Mary’s hand and pours herself another drop. Drop meaning entire glass. “It’s like this,” she pauses to take a sip, “you guys are projecting your fantasies on to me-”

“Oh, no no no!” She’s drowned out by cries of protest and drinks the rest of her glass as a distraction. Drinking red wine is so easy when she’s already drunk.

Thankfully, she’s saved from any more discussion about a particular black haired man by Peter sprinting in the room, skidding to a halt with his phone held out in front of him, “Have you seen this?”

Fyre Festival Goes Up in Flames

The luxury beach festival due to be held this weekend in the Bahamas has begun but, unlike the promotional videos, there is nothing luxury about it. Festival goers who arrived early have been reporting rabid dogs, empty tents, and not a single celebrity in sight.

Snapchat videos and tweets show people arriving to what some have described as the ‘season finale of the Walking Dead’. Inside the tents, which are being fought over as we speak, empty mattresses and tables which look like they’re from IKEA are stand ins for the promised ‘5 star accommodation’. Since festival go-oers paid between $2,000 and $12,000 for this, it’s understandable that they’re annoyed.

Reportedly, celebrities who promoted the festival, such as the Jenner sisters, Bella Hadid and other supermodels/quasi-celebrities, were warned not to attend in advance of the festival.

Lily Evans to the lord of the flies just got Real: hahahahhahahahahaahhahah

Remus Lupin: anything u want to tell us lads

Peter Pettigrew: we kno that u r online

James Potter: what are u talking about

Remus Lupin: “”””the beach is beautiful the people are beautiful the tents are beautiful”””””

Lily Evans: http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/39743303/luxury-fyre-festival-is-cancelled-with-ticket-holders-still-stranded-in-bahamas

Sirius Black: technically

Sirius Black: i only lied abt the tents

Lily Evans: firstly...... are u guys okay?

James Potter: yh

James Potter: pissed off n hungry but yh

Sirius Black: i’m gonna sue

Lily Evans: secondly

Lily Evans: ahahahahahhahhahah

Peter Pettigrew: what a scam

Sirius Black: they lost my gucci suitcase

Remus Lupin: shame

Sirius Black removed Remus Lupin from the group

Peter Pettigrew: are u gonna start eating each other

Lily Evans added Remus Lupin to the group

Lily Evans: r they dividing u into groups to fight to the death

Sirius Black left the group

The thing is, Lily isn’t in love with James. She knows what love looks like. Her parents were in love, Petunia loves Vernon (not that Lily understands why), Frank and Alice are in love, Marlene and Tegan are in love. She has seen love. It’s holding hands and forehead kisses and long trips away to the beach and getting a dog together and sharing interests and watching tv all day in pyjamas and sharing bank accounts and smiling when the other person isn’t looking and wanting to spend the rest of your life together and having inside jokes and knowing as much as possible about the other person and knowing that no matter what you’re always safe with them.

And sure, she and Potter have a lot of inside jokes, but she has a lot of inside jokes with Peter too. And sure, they’ve spent all day watching tv together, but never on the same piece of furniture. And sure, if she needs help she goes to Potter, and if she’s sad she rings him, and if she sees a funny otter video she sends it to him, but that’s how it’s always been, and sometimes she goes to Sirius too. Plus, they don’t have a puppy together and Lily is pretty certain they’ve never held hands. So, really, she can’t be in love with James.

The conclusion is a good one, Lily thinks as she finishes her third glass of wine (third really meaning ninth) and allows herself to pay attention to the others again. It’s difficult to play charades when she’s distracted by the thought of being in love with James Potter, but now she’s cleared that one up, it’s easy to guess that Remus is acting out National Treasure 2.

Sirius Black to Lily Evans: u better not let anyone in my bedroom

Lily Evans: locked

LIly Evans: dw

Sirius Black: stop having parties w/out me

Lily Evans: stop locking away all the good booze when we have parties w u

Sirius Black: point

Peter Pettigrew to mckinnon just threw up in the bathtub: hows the prison food

Sirius Black: did mckinnon acc throw up in the bathtub????

Sirius Black: which one

Sirius Black: the red room?? downstairs guest ensuite?? MINE??!1?

James Potter: better than evans’ cooking

Sirius Black: wHICH BATHTUB

Remus Lupin: lily would like to say that “””if i had any energy to waste in replying to potters insult then i would remind him that euphemia said i was a better cook that him””””

Sirius Black: pSTOP IGROING ME

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Betrayal

Dear Mother,

Evans told me that you said she was a better cook than me. Just emailing to check that you would never betray me like this.

Love,

Your son,

James

Sent from my iPhone

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: RE: Betrayal

James darling,

Please don’t use the company’s email for personal matters, you know it annoys everyone.

Lily’s cooking is a delight. It’s not a betrayal if it’s a fact.

Love,

Mother

P.S Your father told me that festival you’re at turned out to be a bit of a disaster. Are you planning on coming home?

Lily Evans to James Potter: i CANNOT believe u emailed ur mym

Lily Evans: acc i take that back

Lily Evans: I CAN U LOSER

James Potter: u r durnk

Lily Evans: n u arent?????

James Potter: ppl r looting

James Potter: kinda scary shit

Lily Evans: dont let any1 steal sirius

Lily Evans: hed go for a Lot on the black market

Lily Evans: aahahaah

Lily Evans: brb gptta share my pun w// the group

James Potter: we’ve booked a flight for tomorrow afternoon

James Potter: gun get wasted on beach tomox

Lily Evans: legendz

James Potter: didnt cum to the bahamas not to get a tan

Lily Evans: cum ha

Lily Evans: u r permanentnly tanned?????

James Potter: ik

James Potter: just wanted to remind u that im in the bahamas n u r not

Lily Evans: blocked

Marlene and Tegan get the downstairs guest room, Remus and Peter crash in the extension Sirius constantly denies he added so they could have their own rooms, Mary and Gemma take the upstairs guest room which Lily usually sleeps in, which means Lily is left with five choices. She could share with Mary and Gemma because it’s a king sized bed, but Gemma snores. She could sleep in one of the other two guest rooms, but she’s pretty sure one of them is haunted, and the other one has a broken bed from when Alice and Frank stayed around last week. Which leaves her with Potter’s room. Unless she really wants to picklock Sirius’ and risk facing his wrath.

It’s an easy choice really. Potter’s room is sans snoring, sans ghost and sans broken bed. Lily nods to herself, and walks up the staircase, waving a middle finger at Mary and Gemma when she passes their open door. The gits.

Potter isn’t even here. It’s not like she’s sharing a bed with him.

Lily shivers at the thought.

She shuts the door behind her and climbs into the bed, definitely not looking at the millions of framed photographs he has on his bedside table. One of him and the boys back at boarding school, arms looped around each other, smiles wide. Mary had taken that one, the day they all finished their GCSEs. One of him and his parents, at their vow renewal service, James and Fleamont towering over Euphemia. One of him and a bunch of kids all sat on a hospital bed, a sign above the bed saying ‘thank you!’. One of him with Graham Norton, both looking too excited. One of him and Sirius, young, really young, looking almost identical. One of him and all of them, taken by Euphemia at his twenty first birthday party, just before Remus threw up all over everyone’s shoes. One of him and -

Lily squints, leaning out of the bed to look at the one tucked away at the back, almost hidden. Fuck, it’s her. It’s them. She remembers it. It meaning the moment that landed them in seven gossip magazine, too many online columns, and one list of the hottest couples this month. It was one of his charity balls, for mental illness she remembers, one filled with celebrities and champagne trays and tiny snacks which would never satisfy any normal human being.

They’re standing on a balcony, London spread out before them. They hadn’t noticed a photographer, or anyone, because they’d been too busy discussing the pros and cons of making a rope out of Lily’s dress to escape. Potter had suggested tying it to the balcony, climbing down and hailing a cab. He was kidding of course, because he loved these things, because it meant he got to talk about all the causes he loved and everyone had to at least pretend they were listening or their photograph would be splashed beneath a headline which read ‘B List Celebrity Hates Kids’, depending on which cause the ball was for that month.

But Lily, Lily who had grown up in a mining village and worked for every penny she had, still wasn’t used to these balls even after five years of them. She loved the glamour and she could pull off confidence easily, she just didn’t like that she could never tell if people actually cared or not.

So Potter, ever kind, had gone along with her escape plan, coming up with more pros then even she could manage. Then the flash had gone off and they’d jumped, quickly returning inside because James had to make a speech. Or something.

The photograph hadn’t captured their shock though. It had caught her laughing, bright and full, and him smiling, kind and soft, and really, they did look like a couple. They were standing too close, looking too happy to not. Except they weren’t, and the group had had to spend the next three weeks batting away reporters about who was the stunning red head who had captured humanitarian James Potter’s heart. Then it had died down, and everyone had forgotten about the picture, even Lily.

It shocks her that it’s there, on his bedside table. Makes something burst in her chest, a rogue party popper.

So, instead of confronting all the thoughts that pop into her when she sees the picture, like a rational adult, she rolls over, buries beneath the silk sheets and promptly goes to sleep.

James Potter to can someone tell me which bathtub please??: so someone recognised sirius

James Potter: so now he’s trying to make a raft

James Potter: out of his remaining gucci luggage

Remus Lupin: let me know if he drowns

James Potter: why is no one recognising me

James Potter: my achievements way out rank his

Peter Pettigrew: yh but you’re not a black

Peter Pettigrew: n u’ve never been in a commercial for toothpaste

James Potter: im a potter tho

Remus Lupin: plus u’ve never been pictured naked in the sun

James Potter: point

Lily Evans: shhhh stop buxxing my phone

James Potter: mary told me u were sleeping in my bed

James Potter: u better not have chundered in there

Lily Evans: brb gtg kill mary

James Potter sent a video.

James Potter: if u evr wanted to kno what sirius screams sound like when he gets his hair wet

Remus Lupin: did he fall in??

James Potter: some tit capsized him

Remus Lupin: brilliant

@DailyProphet The Daily Prophet

[30/04] Pictured: minor celebrities, James Potter and Sirius Black, are among first to leave Fyre Festival, boarding a flight back to England this afternoon.

Remus Lupin to which fucking bathtub was it: have you heard the news?

Remus Lupin changed Sirius Black’s nickname to minor celebrity.

minor celebrity: blocked

Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: did u get the banner yet

Remus Lupin: i cant believe we r throwing them a welcome home party

Remus Lupin: they were gone for like three days

Lily Evans: but they survived a disaster remus

Lily Evans: a disaster™

Lily Evans: a travesty™

Remus Lupin: i got the banner

Remus Lupin: what r we adding to it

Lily Evans: i want it to read ‘welcome home minor celebrities’

Remus Lupin: padfoot is never gonna let u in his house again

Lily Evans: we both know that isn’t true

Remus Lupin: point

James Potter to it was all the bathtubs: we landed safely

Remus Lupin: shame

Peter Pettigrew: u better have bought us some souvenirs

James Potter: does duty free count

Peter Pettigrew: blocked

“Surprise!” They all yell, as James and Sirius step through the door, their bags brought in moments later by Wesley. James jumps, looking satisfyingly surprised, whereas Sirius just scowls and turns to help Wesley with the remaining suitcases. Clearly, their antics were old by now.

“Here are your disaster survival kits,” Tegan says, offering them two first aid kits which Peter had filled with tiny vodka bottles, rape whistles and Finding Nemo water proof plasters. James accepts both, Sirius just leading Wesley through to the kitchen.

It’s not long before they’re all at least tipsy again, Sirius having finished his temper tantrum over a) the amount of booze they drank and b) the fact that McKinnon had never actually thrown up in a bathtub at all. Lily finds it especially easy to get drunk, probably because she starts drinking whenever James tries to talk to her.

She’s not sure why, but she suspects it has something to do with the photograph. The photograph which she keeps seeing in her head, framed next to his bed. So, every time he comes near her, she brings her glass or bottle to her mouth and refuses to make eye contact.

A successful technique with Potter, but no one else and it isn’t long before Sirius has her cornered, having spotted her new found avoidance scheme.

“You throw us a party, but won’t even talk to one of the special guests,” he says, swirling his scotch around the glass, “would you care to comment?”

“I prefer A-listers to minor celebrities,” she says before she can think of anything else, and because she knows Sirius is still sore about it.

“If you would just stop, and listen to one of us, you know you’d be so much happier,” he sighs.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lily says, and promptly turns her back on him.

James Potter to Lily Evans: mum wants to know if you’re coming over for sunday lunch

Lily Evans: when dont i

James Potter: point

Lily Evans: u recovered from ur traumatic time yet

James Potter: not sure

James Potter: thinking of setting up a charity for everyone who went

Lily Evans: omg ive got a rlly good name for it!!

Lily Evans: trust fund

Lily Evans: oh wait..........

@DailyProphet The Daily Prophet

[01/05] We would like to apologise to anyone who may have found insult in one of yesterday’s tweets concerning the Fyre Festival. A redaction has now been approved: “Pictured: Celebrities, James Potter and Sirius Black, are among first to leave Fyre Festival, boarding a flight back to England this afternoon.”

552 notes · View notes

livebiganddie · 8 years ago

Note

Ask meme: all

i was told to do all from both posts so alright here we go with that first one

Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen?

black

Would you prefer to live in the country or the city?

ive only ever lived in city places and i cant stand bugs so i guess city bc im a City Boi

If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

uh i really wanna know how to skateboard. so id learn skateboarding or how to be able to skateboard bc my feet are really shitty and idk if i can skate with them

Do you drink your tea or coffee with sugar?

i hate coffee and im picky about my hot teas. it has to be pretty sweet so yes sugar

What was your favourite book as a child?

hmm i really loved the magic treehouse series

Do you prefer baths or showers?

showers because baths feel inefficient in a way. idk. should probs treat myself take more baths tho

If you could be a mythical creature, which would you choose?

oooo id probably be a werewolf or Cerberus. since werewolves are generic and Cerberus is like a single entity, leaning more towards werewolf

Do you prefer reading paper or electronic books?

paper. electronic books fuck with my eyes more

What is your favourite item of clothing?

my binder uh my space jam t-shirt

Do you like your name? Would you ever change it?

uh Dennis is an ok name. i dont really like where it came from, but i like when my friends call me Denny and idk its cute and i dont wanna change my name and lose that. im going to legally change my name eventually, but im still figuring out what im going to change it to. Something Dennis Something

Who is a mentor to you?

i dont view anyone as a mentor. at least consciously. idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Would you ever want to be famous? If so, what for?

like being famous would mean id have money so im soo down for that. but never being left alone, never havign truly private moments, being constantly critiqued, etc would wear down my mental state really fuckin quickly. but yes, for the money. id wanna be famous for something dog or animal related and/or just being a really nice/loving person

Are you a restless sleeper?

uh sometimes. it depends a lot. my sleeping has gotten better but i wouldnt say its the best sleep

Do you consider yourself a romantic?

uh i dont really think so. im still sorting out what shit is stuff i like and what is stuff i think i feel obligated to like. but yeah bein grey aro is v v interesting

Which element best represents you?

i guess water? bc it can be really calm and forgiving but it can also be really fuckin not chill

Who do you want to be closer to?

myself and other people. just in general other people. i close myself off a lot and im still learning to be open and i havent really experienced much closeness, both mentally and physically. like example: i dont wanna freak the fuck out if i accidentally sit too close to my friend and we touch. idk stuff like that

Do you miss someone at the moment?

i dont think so

Tell us about an early childhood memory.

when my grandpa was still alive and able to drive himself, he used to take me to denny’s every week. i got the same thing. a waffle and apple juice. we always talked but i cant remember about what. probably silly kids stuff lol

What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

im sort of a picky eater, so if it sounds strange i probably wont eat it. im pretty sure all the stuff ive eaten is p “normal”

What can you see outside your bedroom window?

i can see my university’s stadium, other apartments, a dumpster, a small tree or two, road, sidewalk

What are you most thankful for?

making it to where i am now. things might have been shitty and they might be shitty now, but i am thankful for the opportunities ive been given to be where i am now with who im with now

Do you like spicy food?

i love spicy food unless it makes my nose burn. its fine if its my mouth, but not my nose

Have you ever met someone famous?

maybe a race car driver or two (bc of my hometown) but other than that, no

Do you keep a diary or journal?

i used to. i need to take it up again. its really nice

Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

pencil. i make too many mistakes for pens

What is your star sign?

capricorn

Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

crunchy. and get tf outta here if you like soggy cereal man (jk you do you)

What would you want your legacy to be?

being a kind and loving person (also being funny but thats less important to me)

Do you like reading? What was the last thing you read?

i like reading even though i rarely read anymore. the last thing i read was probably the mystery book called like Night or One Night or something. it was p good

How do you show someone you love them?

i try to be there for them if they need me, do small things for them, buy them things when i get the money

Do you like ice in your drinks?

depends on the drink. milk? no. juice? yeee tea? hell yee water? yeah

What are you afraid of?

heights, the unknown, the future, spiders, people i love dying. theres more but i cant think of them rn

What is your favourite scent?

lavender or lilac. fuck me UP

Do you address older people by their first or last name?

growing up, i was told no matter what to not call people older than me by their first name, even if they were okay or told people to call them by their first name. i still kinda do that. im tryin not to tho bc if they wanna be called by their first name, i should respect that

If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

oh SHIT man i would help so many people. i would let people stay at my place if they needed/wanted. i would donate all kinds of shit to all kinds of people. i would give my friends shit. i would save animals from shelters and live in a decent place that the animals would like and my friends could visit

Do you prefer swimming in pools or in the ocean?

the ocean beat me up so much - pools

What would you do if you found $50 on the ground?

spend it on my summer bills

Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

i honestly dont remember if i have or not

What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

dont take people’s bullshit. love is important, but letting people treat you like shit isnt okay

If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

i already have a tattoo, but if i were to get another one id wanna get a tree (maybe pine?) on the back of my calf

What can you hear right now?

my ac (couple min after answering this, i started listening to Dan Bull’s Dishonored rap on repeat)

Where do you feel the safest?

i could be gay and say “with my friends!!” but honestly, all my friends and i are queer, not cis, and one of them isnt white so im worried for their and my safety a lot (when together and separate) my apartment or my friends rooms are the best places i got but even then i dont feel 100% safe and comfortable. and idk i know a lot of people have more reason to feel unsafe so i guess comparatively, im pretty safe

What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

my (lack of) motivation

If you could travel back to any era, which would you choose?

uh the past was really shitty i dont wanna go back

What is your most used emoji?

the blue heart bc im gay as fuck

What is your favourite season? Why?

winter bc i love snow and i hate being hot and sweaty (and i get hot and sweaty p easily)

How would you spend your ideal day?

id have slept the previous night for 12 hours, id spend time with friends watching steven universe or brooklyn nine-nine, eat some really good pizza with green peppers, watch youtube, and at some point drink some chocolate milk and apple juice

Describe yourself using one word.

silly

What do you regret the most?

regret for me doesnt last long. when i look back, all that ive done has made me who i am. right after something happens ill get high fuckin levels of regret, but eventually they go away. currently my regret is singing loudly while doing the dishes bc my roommate and their dad walked in on me doing that and i didnt realize so idk how long they were there listening/watching me do that

Invent your own word. What does it mean?

uh oh boy im not creative. noop. means to not be a fan of something or to be in a bad mood.

ok second post time

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

i wish i was like 5′8″ at least (currently 5′6″ and a bit)

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

i really want a dog or a cat or both right now. i know i can choose things that arent real, but man i want a doggo or a kitty

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?

i like the look skaters have lol i like more edgy clothes i guess? street wear. stuff like that

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

i loved the scooby doo games i had growing up like holy shit. i had night of 100 frights and scooby do unmasked (both for xbox) man i miss those games

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

things: money, food, homeworkpeople: my friends

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

WARNING: Quiet, anxious exterior hiding super gay interior

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?

wasnt given a person ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

uh idk how accurate this is but i took a quiz and it told me melancholic

9: Are you ticklish?

sometimes. depends on who it is, where it is, how im feeling

10: Are you allergic to anything?

normal stuff and cats. cats make my eyes really itchy. still gonna get a cat one day tho

11: What’s your sexuality?

asexual/graysexual

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

assuming its hot tea, cocoa

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

i wanna say im a both person, but thatd be lying. i do lean more towards dogs

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

merperson

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

i really like good mythical morning and cryaotic

16: How tall are you?

5′6″ and a bit

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

Something Dennis Something (im still working on it lol)

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

i havent weighed myself in a while so i dont know exactly how much i weigh rn, but lets just say i weigh more than 200 lbs

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

i dont know. thinking about it fucks with my mind

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

space is scary as fuck, but the ocean is scarier imo. i like space better

21: Are you religious?

22: Pet peeves?

when my stuff gets out of the order i put it in is the only one i can think of rn

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

nocturnal

24: Favorite constellation?

the dippers bc i have freckles that make a dipper :)

25: Favorite star?

dont have one :/

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

sure

27: Any phobias or fears?

heights, unknown, spiders, death of people i love, becoming someone i hate

28: Do you think global warming is real?

yes

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

idk. i think itd be interesting.

30: Favorite movie?

a big’s life and the fox and the hound are the only movies i can think of rn

31: Do you get scared easily?

i startle extremely easily. i also get scared/creeped out fairly easily. i still watch horror shit tho lol

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?

just two. my siberian huskies Wolfie and Dakota

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

youre on anon ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

34: What is a color that calms you?

blues calm me bc theyre so pretty, theyre my fav, and psych shit lol

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

uh im not sure where i wanna travel, just that i wanna go somewhere else. i wanna live in a place that doesnt get too hot, but does have sunshine regularly so i dont get stuck in Depression Zone

36: Where were you born?

indianapolis, indiana

37: What is your eye color?

blue

38: Introvert or extrovert?

introvert

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

idk if i believe, but i think theyre fun and i like reading horoscopes and reading zodiac shit

40: Hugs or kisses?

uh never been kissed so hugs

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

im p good rn. my friend recently left my place. alone time is chill

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

my friends

43: Any piercings you want?

i want an industrial on my left ear

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

fuck yeah i do

45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so?

no and no

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!

no crush lol

47: What is a sound you really hate?

the chair i have that is a rocking chair, when it balances on the back and i dont sit down slowly, itll slam against the ground. i hate that

48: A sound you really love?

baby animals. just in general. so cute

49: Can you do a backflip?

50: Can you do the splits?

51: Favorite actor and/or actress?

dont have one

52: Favorite movie?

this was #30

53: How are you feeling right now?

anxious as shit

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

blue or blond

55: When did you feel happiest?

with my friends, watching playthroughs on youtube, listening to my fav music

56: Something that calms you down?

lavender/lilac

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

the usual depression & anxiety, trichotillomania, and since trich is seen as some form of OCD, maybe i have some OCD too? who knows, i dont

58: What does your URL mean?

my friend tagged me in a post and was like “new life motto” i was like “agree” and made the phrase from the post my url

59: What three words describe you the most?

silly, gay, reserved

60: Do you believe in evolution?

yes

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

aphobia, antisemitism, shit like that

62: What makes you follow a blog?

dogs, relatable content, i think the person is cute, pretty content. extra follow if they have multiple of these

63: Favorite kind of person:

kind but takes no shit. is not shitty

64: Favorite animal(s):

dOgS, cats, sloths, seals, manatees, snakes, uhh and the rest of the animal kingdom

65: Name three of your favorite blogs.

handsomedogs, all the ace/aro positivity blogs, all the nonbinary positivity blogs

66: Favorite emoticon:

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

67: Favorite meme:

fUCK this is hard…. i guess the new positivity memes. where it took something super negative and made it cute and :)

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

INFP-T

69: What is your star sign?

capricorn

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

black jeans, grey vans, black socks, space jam shirt (or my black & white vans shirt), my (black and white) staff hat, and my black and white bracelet

72: Post a selfie or two?

73: Do you have platform shoes?

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

im simultaneously really fucking loud and also super fucking reserved and shy

75: Can you do a front flip?

76: Do you like birds?

yes

77: Do you like to swim?

uh yes and no. i always hated swimming in swim suits and i dont have trunks that fit me and you cant wear shirts in pools and i cant be shirtless (i totally would tho to spite someone. like “um take off ur shirt u cant wear it in the pool” “yeah ok” *takes off binder* “motherfucKER” idk) but i like being in the water and chilling and i love lazy rivers and stuff

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?

swimming. ice skating is so scary

79: Something you wish didn’t exist:

shitty people or just people

80: Some thing you wish did exist:

my bank account overflowing in money

81: Piercings you have?

both of my earlobes are double pierced

82: Something you really enjoy doing:

i wasnt good at it, but i really enjoyed playing tennis with my old friend. i had a good time every time

83: Favorite person to talk to:

my friends

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?

i dont remember much. i joined octoberish in 2012

85: How many followers do you have?

only 364. not much

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

uh i havent tried in a long time but im gonna go ahead and guess no

87: Do your socks always match?

nope. if i can, i usually mismatch them on purpose. they have to have the same texture/thickness though

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

89: What are your birthstones?

garnet

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?

dog or sloth

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

idk. i like hydrangeas. so them

92: A store you hate?

i cant choose just one, but the type of stores i hate are problematic ones that appropriate shit or are racist and shit

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

00000000 i hate coffee

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

fly. reading minds would stress me the fuck out

95: Do you like to wear camo?

yes and no. see, i hate camo. i think its ugly as fuck. but i do have a shirt i got free from school thats camo. its a little big on me and its comfy to wear to bed or i wore it when i went swimming in the ocean

96: Winter or summer?

my mental health is saying summer but my body temp is saying winter

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

around 49.26 seconds

98: Least favorite person?

too many to choose from

99: Someone you look up to:

jeffrey marsh

100: A store you love?

tillys, vans, zumies. (im like 13 lol i know)

101: Favorite type of shoes

i like mid rise shoes. like converse street mids, vans half cabs, vans bedfords. i also like old skools. i like new balance 710, 576, 574, 565. i like saucony too. not their athletic shit, but their causal wear shoes. NICE. idk i just love sneakers

102: Where do you live?

indiana

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

Dioptase is really pretty

105: Do you drink milk?

yes

106: Do you like bugs?

i like them when theyre not near me

107: Do you like spiders?

spiders creep me out so fuckin much

108: Something you get paranoid about?

mostly how people feel about me

109: Can you draw:

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?

uh i think it was something about turn ons or whatever

111: A question you hate being asked?

“What do you want to do after college?”

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?

think so

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

yeah

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

suns out, but there are clouds in the sky

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

116: Favorite cloud type:

Stratocumulus

117: What color do you wish the sky was?

i like it blue

118: Do you have freckles?

yes

119: Favorite thing about a person:

uh their laugh or smiles. i like seeing people happy and everyones laugh and smiles are different and cute and unique and wonderful

120: Fruits or vegetables?

fruits

121: Something you want to do right now:

sleep or eat

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?

sky

123: Sweet or sour foods?

sweet. sour shit makes my jaw hurt

124: Bright or dim lights?

ideally, neither bright nor dim, just the right amount. but dim if not bc bright lights for too long give me headaches

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?

idk

126: Something you hate about Tumblr

all the fuckin nazis and racists and aphobes and shit

127: Something you love about Tumblr:

people punching nazis, ace/aro people coming together to have a good time, the positivity posts

128: What do you think about the least?

im not sure

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

my real name, even if it hadnt been legally changed yet

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?

a racist

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

im not entirely sure. like there are things i hate and things i love but idk something thats both

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

yeee i do

133: Computer or TV?

computer

134: Do you like roller coasters?

god no

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

i think i get motion sickness. idk about seasickness

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

i think lobed

137: Do you believe in karma?

idk

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

a solid 3.1

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

some friends call me Denny :)

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

i dont think so? i cant remember

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

yes

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

ive been both, but i hope more good than bad

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

i love giving other people things and helping others

144: What makes you angry

being disrespected, hypocrisy, racism, aphobia, most cis people, homophobia, transphobia, nazis, etc etc

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

only 1 fluently

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

this question makes me laugh. all of my friends arent cis. idk its easier to be around fellow trans/nb people than cis people

147: Are you androgynous?

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

eyes

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

im a pretty kind person

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

i dont wanna talk to anyone im p good rn

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

answered this

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

yes and no

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]

im a single pringle

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

i havent really done it much but i think i like it? im not entirely sure

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

yes i do

156: What embarrasses you?

me singing, my music tastes

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

fuckin everything

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

“yeah im a straight girl”

159: How many people are you following?

319

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

80,086

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

0162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

13,576

163: Last time you cried and why:

uh i think it was bc i was really overwhelmed with school and i had realized i was being taken adtantage of (again) and my eyes were ready to GO

164: Do you have long or short hair?

short hair

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

its been down to my ass before

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?

people use it as an excuse to be shitty

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

its interesting to me

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

ive only worn it twice but idk i guess its okay?

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

yes

jesus christ this is long. ok. thank you anon

#personal #ask #answered #anon #anonymous #long #holy shit so long #im so sorry

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