#why is this so much easier to write than regular chapters

[i-only-write-in-purple-ink]

Day 2: Crown (12 Days of Writers Self Love)

I couldn’t decide which of two ideas I wanted to do more, so I did them both! Apologies if this got a little long. I really did enjoy writing these, this challenge is turning out wonderfully! Many thanks to @writeblrfantasy for creating it!

1. Hermitcraft Season 8, White Wings AU (main story here) 2. Hermitcraft Season 9, Third Life SMP

1. HC Season 8, White Wings AU

Tommy had seen many crowns in his lifetime.

The gem-encrusted crown of the SMP, first worn by Eret, and then George.

Ranboo’s humble diadem, studded with rough-cut rubies and emeralds mined by hand from the depths of the earth.

The golden spikes adorning the top of Sam’s Warden armor, fused to the mask he had worn more and more often.

Techno’s simple golden circlet, twin to Phil’s silver one, relics of an empire long past.

But he had never worn one of his own before now.

False measured out a length of copper wire before presenting it to Tommy with a wink. “It’s easier if you start with this.”

Gem taught him how to weave stalks of grass together, how to twist and braid the fragile stems around the wire until they formed something resilient, stronger. Something complete.

Stress regaled him with the meanings of different flowers, what made them grow the best, which ones were good for tea or scents or dyes. Under her careful eye he worked Queen Anne’s lace, lavender, daffodils, and yellow orchids into the strands of his masterpiece.

Iskall chuckled as he swept a lock of Tommy’s ivory hair away from his eyes. “Ready?” He asked, his organic eye twinkling with warmth as it darted around Tommy’s face. Tommy nodded, expression implacable, and Iskall placed the completed flower crown gracefully among his curls. The Swede examined his handiwork for a moment, tucking hair or flowers into place, before nodding in satisfaction.

Iskall picked up his own creation from the ground beside him, sporting purple asters and orange orchids, and crowned himself with a flourish. Tommy tilted his head, judging through squinted eyes. After a few seconds a small smile rose to his face, and he nodded in approval. It's good. I like it, he signed.

A small noise made them both turn to where Xisuma was seated on the soft grass, his crown of blue bellflowers and pink dahlias resting crookedly on top of his helmet. He was struggling to right it, but the mechanical axolotl gills on either side of his visor made it so that the woven headress kept slipping. “I guess I’m just not made for crowns,” he said good-naturedly when he noticed them looking, giving up the fight and leaving the flowers slightly off-kilter.

Perfect, Tommy signed to him, and the admin let out a surprised laugh. “Perfect? I suppose it does suit me. I’m a bit of derp even on the best of days.”

Tommy leaned back, and let the sun hit his face. Laughter danced in the wind as the Hermits delighted in the carefree summer day. He had never felt so far and yet so close to home.

-----

// Yes, I know these flowers wouldn’t all exist in the same climate as each other. But honestly this is Minecraft fanfiction so lower your expectations and let me have my dramatic flower symbolism :’D 

// I really like that trope in fiction, I wish people did more of it. And can you tell I’m a sucker for found family? Lol

// Not me giving my headcanons for the DSMP crowns and forgetting all about the MCC champion team crowns. 💀 MCC is only sort of canon to this universe.... we can chalk it up to ww!Tommy never participating in MCC before, that’s only for the really famous competitive types like Technoblade and Grian. Yep. Definitely no plotholes here.

// Flower Meanings  vvv

Tommy:

Queen Anne’s lace (safety, sanctuary, and refuge)

Lavender (purity, silence, serenity)

Daffodils (rebirth, new beginnings)

Yellow Orchids (new beginnings, friendship, joy)

Iskall:

Asters (love, wisdom, trust)

Orange Orchids (pride, enthusiasm, boldness)

Xisuma:

Bellflowers (affection, constancy, unwavering love)

Pink Dahlias (elegance, grace, kindness)

2. HC Season 9, 3rd Life SMP

Kingmaker. That’s what they called him.

Ren rolled the chess piece between his fingers, relishing the weight of the solid obsidian. It made a satisfying clack as he placed it back in its spot on the board. The black queen.

If he was the king, the ruler over the entire Hermitcraft server, then Bdubs would be his queen. He certainly wielded enough power; it was through Bdubs’ support alone that Ren won the crown. Bdubs was the one who built the Crastle for him, who was his advisor, defender, friend. His second-in-command, his right… hand….

Ren frowned, unease rising in his gut, a sudden chill burning the tips of his fingers. He curled his hands into fists on reflex. Something wasn’t right.

He rose from his throne with a growl and swept down the stairs from the royal dais, his cape billowing out behind him. His paws made no noise on the plush carpet running down the center of the throne room, keeping away the chill of solid stone.

“Sir BdoubleO? Your king summons you!” Ren called, his voice echoing through the empty stone halls. He waited a few moments, but only silence answered.

“Bdubs? Where are youuuuu….” His words bounced eerily off of the cavernous ceilings, echoing back as if mocking him. He hesitantly ventured down a hallway, turned, and was faced with an identical hallway. He followed it, but that only yielded another similar looking passageway. The next was almost exactly the same. And the next. Ren frowned. He hadn’t remembered there being quite this many corridors in his Crastle.

He followed more turns, traversed more corridors, calls going unheard and unanswered, until he realized he was well and truly lost. Ren stopped at a four-way intersection, glancing down each hall. They all felt familiar, but was that because they looked the same or because he truly recognized them?

Ren pulled his cloak tighter around himself, shivering. And when had it gotten so cold? He needed to tell Bdubs to install some sort of heating system in the castle, like magma blocks behind the walls or something. These were not livable temperatures, certainly not for a king.

Ren’s breath had begun to fog the air by the time he reached something that certainly didn’t belong: a set of arched glass doors, metalwork spiraling intricately across their frosted surface. The metal handles were bitterly cold, but they turned without protest as he pushed the double doors open.

Beyond lay a courtyard, dead branches hanging like corpses over flowerbeds full of dried leaves. A few inches of snow was dusted over everything in sight, drifting heavily in the corners and on the trees. Ren’s trepidation spiked. It was supposed to be summer on the Hermitcraft server, after all. And the Crastle didn’t have an interior garden.

He stepped out into the courtyard, bracing himself against the freezing gusts of air. His royal cape was woefully equipped to protect him from the full wrath of a winter’s wind. The harsh blasts died down into a biting breeze as he neared the center of the courtyard, snow crunching beneath his paws. Ren scarcely minded the cold as he stared wide-eyed at the centerpiece of this unnatural display.

A large stone altar rose from the ground, more of an elevated platform than anything else. Ren ascended its steps, captivated by the rough, indecipherable runes hewn deep into the surface. Lines had been cut straight across the top slab, radiating out from a shallow, bowl-like indentation at the middle. Blood channels, Ren realized with a growing horror. Blood channels that had clearly already been used.

A sudden growl had him tensing, ears lying flat and lips pulled back into a snarl. The sound seemed to emenate from every corner of the courtyard at once, circling as one would stalk prey. It was more than a threat. This was the hunting call of a predator.

Ren scanned the courtyard wildly, but there was nothing to see except a slate-gray sky bordered by gargoylic crenelations and the first few flurries of snowfall. The rumbling grew louder and louder, until the very air trembled before it. Oh, little wolf, the voice purred, smugly satisfied and impossibly deep.

“Who are you?” Ren shouted at the sky, hating the way his voice had gone high-pitched with fear.

The voice merely chuckled, the sinister whisper of a blade pulled from its sheath. Winter is coming, it intoned. And the crown weighs heavy.

Ren spun in place, breaths coming sharp and cold biting at his lungs. The voice was crushing him from all sides, pushing him down to his hands and knees on the cold, stone altar.

Do ye have what it takes to be KING, Rendog?

And Ren woke in his royal bedchambers, gasping for air and sheets soaked in sweat. His hands didn’t stop shaking for the rest of the day.

-----

// I am just now getting into the 3rd life fandom (yes, a year late) and holy cow I love the Red King so much!! Big kudos to dog at the door by fluffy_papaya and iamsolarflare for getting me hooked on Ren’s lore, it’s one of my favorite fics ever. 

// For the voice, have you heard the voice of the Old God N’Zoth from the Warbringers short? Yeah, that but with a hint of Scottish accent. Very dark and powerful-sounding.

Deal? I like deals.... *eldritch laughter*

- N’Zoth the Corruptor

[onlyjaeyun]

i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.

you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.

the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?

idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.

thank you for the feedback!

i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?

now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright

on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense

now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.

and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.

yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮‍💨

if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.

as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"

i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine

do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this

if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr

oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)

and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters

goodbye

[cheerycherrycandy-resurrected]

What You've Done, You Cannot Undo (Medieval AU)

Chapter 3

Dew feels guilty, Rain screws up.

Rating: M now, to be safe Content: side character death, minor descriptions of violence, flashbacks, peril Words: 2253

Link to all chapters with associated tags: Tumblr | AO3

hi hi @revengeghoulette here's your alert! and @everybodyshusband you seemed very keen haha!

Read below, or on AO3!

Dew stomped along the path surrounding their fields. The warm sun overhead taunted him, it's rays full of promise and life while he felt only cold and empty inside. He knew he'd been too harsh on Rain, deep down, but he'd have to be threatened with banishment to the pit to admit that. Dewdrop refused to allow himself to feel guilty; that was a slippery slope of self-hatred he knew he wouldn't be able to crawl back up from. He knew he could be short-tempered, and he harboured enough resentment of his own that it was bound to overflow into his actions.

Rain seemed to have had things so much easier than him though, it wasn't fair. From the day he arrived he had bonded with the others in a way Dew had struggled to. They would chitter and purr at Rain for the slightest thing, whereas they had remained suspicious of him for ages. Dew was self-aware enough however to realize that he hadn't helped his case by hissing and growling at his packmates for the smallest thing.

That didn't mean it didn't hurt. Rain got a lot of leeway for being young, the others quick to write off his transgressions as ignorance rather than malice, but they forgot Dew was young too. Despite presenting himself as world-wise and experienced, he was closer in age to Rain than he was to any of the rest of his packmates. He'd worked hard to rewrite his time before Aether and Mountain found him, both the most difficult and most sheltered parts, but he couldn't erase their impact.

He continued his mission uphill, to the base of a large oak tree that overlooked their whole farm and surrounding area. Smoke curled from the chimneys of houses in the village in the distance, and a multicoloured patchwork of fields spread out around them. Following the path in the opposite direction, Dew could just make out the dark speck of Rain walking to Farmer Wilkins’. He was stubborn, not taking Dew's constant snipes to heart, Dew had to grudgingly respect that. He watched until Rain turned a corner and was lost from sight.

~~~~~~~

On the walk over, Rain was also enjoying the warm weather as he followed the stream. There was barely a cloud in the sky, the open blue expanse painted with faint white wisps reached as far as the eye could see. Rain could see why his help was needed: the summer had stretched on for several glorious months, and the ground beneath his feet was showing signs of cracking from lack of rainfall. A gentle breeze worked to sweep the cobwebs that still clung tightly to his dream and Dew's comments from his mind.

Arriving at the farm with sweat beginning to bead on his forehead from the heat, Rain was greeted by Farmer Wilkins, sat out on his porch. He was a jovial man, round and ruddy faced, with a vigour for life that defied his advancing age. Rain didn't know him well, but he was a regular down at the village tavern and always had a spare word or smile for Swiss when he passed by.

“Good mornin’, Rain! I didn’t expect to see you so soon, please, sit down. My daughter Marina’s preparing some elderflower cordial against this hot weather. We can wait ‘til you’re rested to begin!”

Rain awkwardly accepted the proffered seat on the porch bench, glad for the shaded spot after the heat of his walk. He heard light footsteps approaching, and looked up to see a young woman emerge from the cottage holding a tray of glasses and a jug of pale liquid.

Her dark hair fluttered around her pretty face in the breeze, and Rain gasped feeling as though he’d been shot in the chest: she was the spitting image of his childhood sweetheart. From the gentle wave in her ebony hair to the asymmetric dimples in her cheeks as she smiled at him in greeting, they could have been twins if not for her obvious humanity.

Noticing Rain’s slack-jawed stare, the farmer chuckled good-naturedly.

“Quite a looker, ain’t she Son! Don’t be getting any funny ideas, she’s engaged to the lad down the road. Childhood sweethearts, they were!”

Rain was struck by the similarities to his own previous life. In another world, his water ghoulette’s father could have spoken of him like that. Instead, Rain had the distinct impression that he had been glad to see Rain leave.

Feeling as though he was watching himself behind glass, Rain accepted a drink with shaky hands. Marina rolled her eyes at his stuttered thanks, but smiled kindly at him as she headed back inside. Luckily, the farmer seemed happy to keep the conversation moving all by himself, leaving Rain to nod in what he hoped were the appropriate places. He sipped his drink in an attempt to replace the moisture in his mouth, which was now as dry as sand. Moving his limbs to raise the glass, Rain felt like he was pulling at the strings of a marionette puppet.

Once Farmer Wilkins had exhausted his supply of one-sided small talk, the pair headed out to the fields, beginning with the one closest behind the house. Here, the corn grew luscious and tall: Mountain did a stellar job encouraging the crop earlier in the season. Rain had tagged along that day, watching as Mountain pressed his palms to the ground to imbue it with his own magical energy.

Now Rain stood in the field without the earth ghoul by his shoulder, feeling alone and detached. He sensed the eager eyes of the farmer watching him, the intense interest making Rain’s knees begin to tremble anxiously. He took a deep breath, and copied what he had done before with Mountain, what he had seen and heard Aether do a hundred times.

Raising his arms out in front of him, palms to the sky, Rain closed his eyes and called out,

“Ancient Spirits! Bless this land, that it be free from drought and pestilence.” he swept his arms around a bit, then turned his palms to the ground. “Gracious Earth, protect these bountiful crops so they may feed us another year.”

Rain winced at how fake it all felt, like he was just going through the motions, and the flowery language rang false in his ears. He cracked his eyes open and saw the farmer – along with half a dozen or so curious farmhands who had downed tools to stare – watching in barely concealed fascination. He squeezed his eyes shut again, waved his arms around a final time in what he hoped was a convincing manner, and went silent as he tried to connect with his element. Rain knew the others could control their power while talking and moving, but he still struggled without devoting his complete concentration to it.

He felt the motion of the water in the stream at the foot of the field, the weight of the droplets in the few scraps of cloud overhead. Flexing his fingers, Rain imagined drawing them in, encouraging them towards the field. He sensed the flowing rivulets of water from the creek begin to channel through the ground, moistening the dry soil around the roots of the crops. The clouds above thickened imperceptibly with the promise of future raindrops.

As Rain felt the water begin to do his bidding, he opened his eyes again to ensure that none of his changes were visible to the small audience of humans. From day one, Aether had instilled the value of plausible deniability into Rain. He insisted it was the most important part of using their elemental connections outside of ghoulish colonies, that they should never give the humans too much evidence of their power and should always leave them with a rational explanation.

As the light flooded his retinas, he saw her standing there: Marina was hovering behind her father's shoulder, watching Rain work with a curious smile and her uncannily familiar dimples. Rain choked on his breath as the sharp stab of longing for his lost future caused him to double over. The pain coursed through his veins and as it did so, Rain felt it cross over with his call to the water. Unbidden, he felt the shock and subsequent rush of emotions transfer into the water he was drawing in, reacting to the ache he had taught himself to supress.

The wisps of feathery clouds he had been coaxing to coalesce now slammed into each other as though pulled by a magnetic force. More water joined from seemingly nowhere, until the clouds hung dark grey and pregnant above the field. Unable to stop the flow of emotionally charged elemental power, Rain watched in horror as the water from the creek rose up, bursting its banks and rushing uphill in an unstoppable tidal wave of water. It reached higher than the stalks of corn, barrelling towards the assembled crowd and flattening the crops indiscriminately. He tried frantically to cut the connection and stop the flow, but with no success.

Rain's panic began to grow, only adding to the ferocity of the water, and the clouds took this as their sign to drop their contents onto those gathered below. The deluge of raindrops hit at the same time as the towering wall of water did, knocking Rain to his feet as he screamed out for the flood of both water and emotions to stop assaulting his body and mind. As the water covered his face, he felt his gills burst free and his glamour dissolve. Rain fought against the water as it dragged him further up the field and back towards the cottage.

To his horror, he saw a flash of dark hair dragged past him. The currents of his own creation slammed the girl against the stone wall of the farmhouse and pinned her there, suspended in a grotesque position, until eventually releasing her to crumple limply into the churning water below. Rain barely had time to process what he was seeing, before he heard a shattering of glass as another farmhand, a boy from the village who could barely have been fifteen, was thrown through the glass roof of a greenhouse. The rain that was still pouring down on them did nothing to dilute the obvious red of the blood spreading through the water.

The tidal wave finally retreated down the field, revealing the destruction left in its wake as it did so. The body of another farmhand emerged from the frothing stream, lifeless without the swirling of the water to animate it. Those remaining staggered to their feet, screaming out in terror. At seeing the carnage and bodies scattered across the field, they turned their anger on Rain. Feeling all the eyes on him, Rain took off running with no heed for where he was heading. Farmer Wilkins let out a howl of anguish as he cradled his daughter's mangled corpse, turning into a roar of anger directed at Rain. The farmhands left alive scrabbled for their abandoned tools scattered by the currents and gave chase, baying for Rain's blood.

As Rain hurled himself down the road, he realised too late that he was heading straight for the centre of town. The noise of the men chasing him attracted the attention of the occupants of the houses he fled past until a small mob was following him, figurative and literal pitchforks raised. Half-crazed, with fear threatening to paralyse him if he paused, Rain kept on running. Lungs burning, he kept pumping his legs as fast as they would go. His feet were now fully unglamoured and the excess webbing between his toes made his shoes feel too small. Every step was agony and yet he knew if he stopped, he was as good as dead.

Rain's mind started to swim, his actions and their consequences catching up with him making him feel dizzy and nauseous. With his tail now caught in his trousers, his balance was almost entirely gone. He felt his foot catch on a loose stone and as he went flying, he knew it was all over. Rain hit the sandy ground hard, all the breath knocked out of him. His eyes frantically swivelled left and right as he scrabbled backwards. Seeing double, Rain stared through the cloud of dust he had kicked up at the crowd bearing down on him. He registered the approaching shovel only as it slammed into the side of his head, stars flashing across his vision before everything went black.

~~~~~~~

From his seat under the tree, Dew was close to dozing off when something caught his attention. He watched in confusion as dark clouds appeared and raced across the sky, before combining together over one field. The air underneath them rippled with falling waves of the torriential rain falling from them. Dewdrop realised a few things simultaneously: firstly, those clouds weren't natural. Dew knew enough about elemental magic to recognise it when he saw it. Secondly, that amount of rain was dangerous and sure to catch the attention of the townsfolk, especially given the recent stretch of warm weather. Lastly, he realised in horror that the clouds were centred directly over the very field Rain had gone to that morning.

Dew leapt to his feet and took off running back to the farmhouse. This was it; all of their worst fears come to life. Their cover was well and truly blown and Dew had to get to the others.

[slut4thebroken]

Exposure Therapy Prologue

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Jonathan Crane × reader

Summary | You find a new therapist who is more than willing to help you overcome your fears.

Warnings | 18+, talks about fear of being raped, talks about fear of being pregnant and giving birth, pretty much just a content warning for their conversation, the real bad stuff is in pt. 1

Words | 700

Notes | You don’t technically have to read this chapter, it just provides some more background for part 1.

Ao3 link | <3

Fic Masterlist

Main Masterlist

You anxiously sat down on the small couch, picking at your cuticles as you waited. 

“Are you nervous?” He asked, giving you a calming smile. 

“A little. Sorry, I’ve never done this before.” 

“It’s completely normal to be nervous during the first session, especially if you’ve never done anything like this before.” That calmed your nerves a little. “Let’s start simple. Why don’t you tell me why you’re here.” 

“Um… The fears that I have are getting a little out of control and affecting my everyday life, so I was hoping you could help me get over them. At least a little bit.” 

“Knowing you need help and taking the initiative to seek that help is already a really good start.” You gave him a shy smile at the praise, not sure how to respond. “Since this is a consultation, I’d like to know what fears you need help overcoming so I can figure out the best treatment for you. Is that alright?” 

“Yeah, of course. There are two main ones. Um… being- being raped and being pregnant or giving birth.” He scribbled quickly as you spoke and you waited anxiously for him to respond. 

“I want to better understand you. Is it alright if I ask some questions?” He asked, crossing his hands and resting them on the notebook in his lap. 

“Yes.” 

“Is there any past trauma that might’ve caused these fears?” You shook your head. “Let’s just focus on the first one for now. What do you think might be the cause?” 

“I guess just knowing how common it is? I feel like I’m living every single day just waiting to become part of the statistic.” 

“That must be pretty debilitating feeling that way. Is that stopping you from doing a lot of the things your peers do?” You just nodded in response. “And what about the other one? How is that affecting your everyday life?” 

“Um…” You bit your lip as your cheeks grew warm, realizing what you would have to explain to answer his question. “It’s- I don’t…” Looking away from him, you swallowed thickly. 

“There’s no need to be embarrassed. I’m here to help you, but you have to help me understand before I can do that.” You nodded in agreement, trying to force yourself to just say it. 

“I'm on birth control, but I still don’t feel like I can rely on that completely. And when boyfriends or whatever find out, they usually want to- to…”

“Not use a condom?” 

“Yes.” 

“But you don’t feel safe doing that?” You shook your head as you bit your bottom lip. “So it’s affecting your relationships. Is it affecting you individually as well?” 

“Well I mean, I… want to do that with them too.” 

“You have a breeding kink?” You stared at him with wide eyes, floundering for a response. He was unfazed by the inappropriate question though. 

“I wasn’t going to say it like that, but yeah.” 

“Kinks can often be coping mechanisms. Do you have any other that could be related?” 

“…Cnc?”  

“Is it easier to partake in that one because there’s no real risk?” 

“Yeah I guess so.” This time when he started writing, he took a little longer than the past few times. When he finally looked back up, he gave you a small smile. 

“I think I’m going to be able to help you, I already have a few treatments in mind. Thank you for being so open with me, I know it’s not easy talking about something so personal.” You nodded, not sure what to say. “We can start regular therapy but in the meantime I can prescribe you some medication for the anxiety.”

“Oh I don’t- I don’t know if I want to take medication.” He passed the pen over the paper in one stroke, striking something out. 

“The old fashion way then.” He smiled and you chuckled awkwardly, wondering if you messed up by saying that. It didn’t seem like you did? Maybe you should just agree since he thinks it’ll help? He cut off your over thinking before you had the chance to say you changed your mind. “Do you think once a week will be a good start?” 

“That sounds perfect.” 

Part 1

[saltyyuuri]

🪻In another life🪻

Iso x fem! Reader

PART 1

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4 - PART 5 - PART 6 - PART 7 - PART 8 - PART 9 - PART 10

Words: 4100

Warnings: mention of blood- mild violence and mental health. It's going to be angsty. This warning is simply going to be copy pasted to all chapters

Authors note; I may have started writing this before the poll finished, but votes seemed to lean to this fic, and I had a really good idea. I hope you guys enjoy this fic as much as I liked my idea, it's been trotting in my head for days now.

note 2: I wrote this entire fucking thing in 2.5 days- send help. 35k words. HELP.

🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻

"You know (Y/N), I really don't understand why you stick around him so much." Clove said, their head cocked to the side in slight curiosity and a bit in concern. They were currently hanging out in your dorm room in the protocol headquarters; everyone was assigned a dorm as soon as they got employed here, as living in the headquarters makes it easier to reach out to everyone.

It also made it a lot easier for team bonding and coordinating, and just like right now you are hanging out with your friend, one of the more recent agents, Clove. "I just... Well, we work well together and we are practically always paired up for Missions." I said softly, letting out a small hum along with my statement.

"Like I get that, but (Y/N), he literally doesn't even look your way as soon as the missions are over. Like- you two come back and you suddenly don't exist anymore." Clove said a bit bluntly, but you ever take that was something you appreciated of them. They were very blunt when they were honest, but you rather have someone who was honest even if the delivery was a bit harsh rather than somebody who would tiptoe around the subject. That was one of the reasons why you two became friends quit rapidly.

"I know.... Don't worry, I know." You sigh, your shoulders slumping a bit. The current topic of conversation? Iso. You and Iso were hired nearly within the same time frame, barely a week apart. You two have very different upcoming when it came to becoming a radiant, learning to use your powers and how you use them- but surprisingly the two of you worked very well together.

It was a balance; Iso could essentially break down radianite down to the molecular level, using it as a shield or to disrupt other radiants and even creating his own pocket dimension - And you could reverse all of it, not only able to heal regular wounds but also Radiant based wounds, though it was quite taxing for the second part. You could also give teammates or yourself a boost- where all your senses would be amplified for a short period of time. Your ultimate allowed you to steal enemy life and redistribute it to yourself and teammates.

"If I were you, I would ask Brimstone to stop pairing you two together. Like c'mon, if Iso wants the premium duo, he needs to treat you like the premium duo!" Clove continued to ramble on slightly angrily, of course not against you, but just generally against the situation. "We both know Brimstone would never accept that- me and Iso have the highest success rate as a duo when it comes to missions." I said, bursting Clove's rant a bit. "Plus... Say he did replace me- we all know it would immediately fall straight to Sage.."

Now that was a little bit of a stingy subject for you, not because you dislike Sage or anything, actually quite the opposite. You really did appreciate her a lot and all the useful tips and guidance she can give. What you didn't really appreciate was how Iso would practically be swarming around her like a bug all the time.

That sounds a little exaggerated, he's not quite a bug. More like... A sort of guard dog, always trailing around her and keeping her company. Every few days he'd hang out with her, taking her out for food and snacks or just tag along to one of her shopping trips. Anyone who would just observe him during those times would assume that he's absolutely smitten with her.

"Yeah... I can see why that's a little bit of a problem. So your options are either dealing with the fact you become a ghost the moment you're done your mission with him- or simply stop seeing him in general." Clove said, a sour look on their face. Even though they wanted to give their absolute honest opinion on the situation and say 'just stop trying and move on', Clove knew better. You really liked Iso, tto the point of developing feelings.

Of course, it probably seemed ridiculous to have feelings for someone who didn't even seem to acknowledge your existence- but there was reason to the cause. And that reason came from going on missions with him as his duo. One of the reasons why you two were often so successful was because of how well you completed each other on the missions. While he would take on the major part of the killing tasks, your job was to boost him or heal him as needed, and cover his back. And if you ever got in some sort of danger, he was extremely rapid to react, not hesitating to throw Shield your way to cover you.

He even went as far as standing directly in front of you sometimes, using his self regenerating The Shield to cover. And whenever the fight would die down he would just instantly check on you first before anything else. Those small actions, small gestures, those were all little things that you thought meant something more. Or at least until you realized he was too busy with Sage the moment you were back at protocol headquarters.

"Clove, is it stupid for me to have hope for this?" I said with a small sigh, sinking further down in my bed. There was a moment of silence, a pause of consideration on their end. It was a small silences like this that you strongly disliked-whenever somebody had to think about how to lay the truth. It always made you anxious, you didn't like having to have it sweetened- because the nicer they try to put it the more you'll ever think it.

"if you want my brute opinion- I would say yes. But a more... Romanticized opinion? I would probably say to just hang on, prove your worth and try to get his attention." Clove finally said, finishing their sentence with a small nod. Even though the brute opinion was a bit of a punch to the gut- you were so glad that they gave it to you. "Thank you. I'll... I'll see what I do." You sigh soflty once again, trying to relax just slightly.

🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻

And the next day, you are standing at the hangar, dressed in your mission clothes and your weapons equipped. You and Iso boarded the small aircraft that was going to bring you over towards one of the teleporters to add into the Omega Earth. You have to once again go on a mission with him, a mission that have been planned meticulously for a few months now.

It wasn't quite like the other ones, because most of the other ones were done on this Earth and not so much against Omega agents. This time you do have to go face the Omega agents, needing to extract information to figure out their next moves when it comes to planting spikes. They have been getting a little more and more gutsy when it came to their attacks, and it was hard to anticipate them all.

So, you two are going to be sent onto the mirror earth, on one of the sites that you were familiar with, except this version being in the Omega Earth. You were heading the the site 'Icebox', not necessarily your favorite one but still not the worst. You sadly had no idea which Omega agents were going to be there and just how many there was going to be- nor did you know if you would find exactly all you needed.

But one thing that was made clear in the planning, we needed to stick together the whole time and stick to the scouting routes that we had practiced a few times on our Alpha Earth site. And if things got too rowdy, you needed to call for backup immediately and fall back.

You try to strike up small talk with Iso as the aircraft took off to head towards the teleporter, hoping that this attempt could maybe be fruitful. "So, not to nervous? It is going to be your first time heading to Omega Earth." You asked casually, looking up towards the Chinese ex hitman- Iso.

"No." He replied to bit flatly, his expression unreadable as always. You didn't think he was going to be that dry with his response, so you definitely took a moment to think of something else to ask or say. It was hard to get anything out of him, even a damn conversation. But if it was Sage to ask this-you probably would have been talking away...

"Damn, I'm nervous - it's mostly the unpredictable parts that are making me a bit uneasy." You continued the conversation a bit, to see if he would put a bit of effort in continuing it. "Don't be. If you're too nervous, you won't be able to aim right." He said, once again in the same flat tone with the same unreadable expression. "Haha... Right..." You let out a slightly awkward laugh as you turned away, your gaze shifting to look outside the window. Yet another dry conversation, already ended after four sentences.

The aircraft finally landed, now at the facility that contained the portal to Omega Earth. It wasn't at the same facility as headquarters for security reasons-but that doesn't matter much right now. You both made your way over to the portal, double checking to make sure that you had all your weapons and equipment prepared and functional. Once the last checkups are done- you two stepped foot in the portal.

It surprised you a bit on how fast it happened-you are kind of expecting something like from Fantasy where portals make you feel a bit queasy or confused; but you are perfectly fine and just transported within a second. Better yet, this portal seem to land you directly beside their own site, Icebox.

Iso took the lead immediately, as he always did during your missions. He was always a few steps ahead while you walked and made sure to check over your shoulder often. It was a quiet arrangement that you two have made from the beginning, and one that worked very well so far. Plus, of the two of you, he had memorized the routes much better when it came to that traject we were supposed to stick to, so you would rather have him in the front.

It took about 20 minutes of walking from the portal to reach the site, and that time was probably up to bit because of the weather. Over here, unlike on our earth, there was a whole blizzard going on. It was hard to see you more than 20 m in front of us and it was really cold, much colder than expected. But it wasn't time to start being bothered by all of that.

Iso led the walk still, following the pre-decided route that we had studied quite a few times before coming here. We would start by heading towards A site, clearing that area first before going through mid, clearing kitchen and tunnel before heading towards B to clear off fully.

And so, you followed the tall, quiet chinese man around to A site, now that you were inside the building it was a lot easier to see around, unlike outside where the blizzard made it practically impossible to fully clear sites. You followed him up, taking zip lines to go across and clear the site faster. Since you had a better visibility in here, you're a lot more vigilant when it came to double-checking your flank and corners.

You weren't really liking how quiet everything was-both between you and Iso, but also on the sites. There was no sign of activity so far and you were done clearing A site. Of course you could do the basic assumption that because the blizzard, Omega agents probably didn't want to brave the cold to double check their site- but that felt like hopeful thinking more than tactical.

You once again I had to go outside to fight said blizzard, walking over to the staircase that would lead to the kitchen area and the the tunnel. While Iso did the main job of clearing the corners and double checking that no one was there, your attention got caught by the little billboard over the sink in the kitchen. You have to hold back a small giggle when you saw one of the signs, written in bold black Sharpie, 'STOP BUILDING SNOWMANS!' And scribbled on, with a bright colored pen, 'No! >:(' . It was something small and simple, but it was also a great reminder that Omega Earth was just as human as us- the terrifying thought that no one really liked thinking about.

When Iso was done clearing his corners, we finally started walking down the tunnel towards the b-site. It was the last area to clear, and seeing how everything was so quiet, you were trying to be a little hopeful that you were right on your assumption earlier, is that maybe Omega agents really didn't feel like braving a blizzard over this.

You both took quiet steps, mindful to stay discreet and quiet even if the place seemed inoccupied. You had your gun held up, once again making sure to keep an eye on the flank while Iso pushed forward. We finally came out on the little bridge that led to B tower, taking the little zipline down to cover site. Nothing seemed out of the norm and everything looked pretty calm on our end.

Iso, who seems very tense, finally used his comms to send some information over towards our team, radioing that everything seems clear for now and that we would be able to start working on the main part of the mission. While he was doing that, you turn to look back site, spotting yet another snowman just chilling about. It made you smile- something about seeing this many snowman, almost just like the site back at home, it was nice.

That was until you heard "IT'S YOU AND ME" being declared loudly, quickly realizing that that was not coming from your own teammate- immediately coming on high alert. But before any of you could react, it was you who got pulled into the pocket dimension, the world around you fading from a crazy white and metal boxes to a lilac world.

You have never been inside Iso's pocket dimension before, so it was quite unfamiliar. You didn't expect to be transported into such a small space, a giant Shield mounted in front of you. You held your gun a bit tighter, considering sidestepping the peak one side of the shield in front of you. But before you could even consider doing that, it dissipated not even a second later.

The suddenness of leaving you fully uncovered made your heart drop, your head snapping one direction to another trying to spot him- the Omega earth Iso. He ended up being a lot closer than you expected, he was off to your left with his Sheriff pointed towards you, looking indifferent at first.

You didn't know why but at that moment you froze. There was something about this whole scene that you really didn't like-and you weren't able to pull the trigger. But oddly enough, he also didn't pull the trigger. The two of you just stood there for a few moments, guns pointed out each other but no one's firing. The silence was heavy and for that short period, the two of you kept a poker face even though there was turmoil going on in your heads.

"I can't do this." The Omega Earth Iso said, immediately lowering his gun. His expression changed, going from poker face and cold, the same when you were used to with your own Iso- to an guilty, sad look. It definitely took you off guard, and you too lowered your weapon. When he decided to put his back in its sheath, you did the same. You have no idea why he was doing this, but you couldn't really judge him for it because you also can't pull the trigger.

There was yet another moment of silence, the two of you staring at each other. Once again he was the one to break the silence first. "I don't I want to hurt you. I know-.. I know you're not MY (Y/N), but I don't... I can't." He said a bit quietly, that same guilty expression on his face. You were intrigued to say the least- a knot forming in your stomach both from nervousness... And a bit of a flutter?

You tried to push down the flutter, he was the Omega Earth Iso, not your own! It was just the same person different font. "Why-?... If you don't mind me asking of course-" You asked him Softly, your own tone pretty gentle. You took a few cautious steps his way, the situation was bizarre and the curiosity was getting the better of you.

"... Well, you're not my (Y/N)... I guess saying it wouldn't be weird-" He said a bit quietly once more, not backing away when you walked towards him. Instead he did seem to tense up a bit, but not from mistrust-he just looked very nervous all of a sudden. "I love (Y/N)- ... And I don't want to hurt her. And I know you're not her but I just- I don't want to."

Your eyes widened in Surprise. That was definitely not what you were expecting him to say, if anything you were expecting something polar opposite. You took a moment to process his words-for some reason they made you very giddy and that fluttering in your stomach became a bit worse. You had to remind yourself once again that this wasn't your Iso- and that whether you like it or not, you were not the one he was confessing to.

"That's... News. My Iso barely even acknowledges me outside of missions." You said softly, a hint of sadness in your voice as you spoke. You didn't know why you were just telling him this, just like how he didn't know why he was confessing to you. "I ... I also have feeling for my Iso. But... He has eyes elsewhere." You finished off, looking away as you spoke. It felt really odd to just confess this to the Omega version of Iso, but in a way it felt liberating. Finally just saying it to him-even if it wasn't quite him.

"My (Y/N) is the same- she barely even notices me outside of missions, she's usually hanging out with someone else -..." The Omega Iso said, his words trailing off in realization. You two were going through the exact same thing-but mirrored. He was living through what you were living through- leaving you both a bit in pain from it all.

You relaxed a little bit, deciding to take another step towards him. You are about an arm's length away from him, but not really minding being this close to the enemy. Not when neither of you would be able to draw weapons at each other, even less after hearing the small confessions.

"Let me guess, Sage?" You asked him, deciding to strike up some small talk while you two were stuck in his pocket dimension. Iso nodded- his eyes widening a little bit. "Is that who your Iso is always hanging out with too?" You simply nodded and response to his question, a small sad smile on my face. "Yep. Don't get me wrong I'm not mad at her- I respect her and appreciate her too much anyways. Just... I guess it just feels unfair in a way. She doesn't even try, and he is essentially wrapped around her finger. Actually, I'd say pretty much everyone on the team is like that."

You said with a small smile, you refused to talk bad about Sage, no matter how frustrating my situation was. Plus, when you talk to Clove about it, they were able to give an outside point of view of it all- which made you realize that if you wanted to be upset against someone, that it should be Iso.

Iso took a small moment to process your words, which seem to be hitting pretty close to home. The situation really seemed to be mirrored, and you felt bad for him. You know how it felt, and he knew how you felt. It was an odd feeling, one that felt very crazy but also very comforting in a way.

"Can I... Hug you?" You asked a bit awkwardly, you aren't sure if you were overstepping by asking that. You two were supposed to be enemies after all, and you didn't know if he was even comfortable to do even that to begin with. But any of your overthinking got quieted down immediately- Iso wrapped his arms around you quickly, holding you tightly against him.

There was something about this embrace that just felt... Right. Wrong but right. There was definitely something off; like how you were from two different universes and interacting this way- it was definitely wrong. But it felt right because it was with the right person. You hugged back, resting your head against his shoulder for just a moment.

The two of you stayed like that for a few moments, appreciating the other's company even in the unfortunate situation. Two touch starved individuals who just wanted attention from their person, but now getting it from a different version of their person. The only thing was the underlying problem for the two of you, the problem that you were from different worlds, that you were supposed to be enemies.

"I needed that." Iso said softly, slowly pulling away from the embrace. His touch was gentle, his hands were resting on your shoulders. You didn't mind, letting him keep the contact. You let out a soft sigh, nodding to his statement. ''I think I needed that too." I answered quietly.

"... Well... We'll have to leave this place soon; I can only control it's time flow so much-" Iso said softly, a look of disappointment on his face. You have the same look, already losing this moment so soon. And for a moment there was another pause before he had to speak up again. "Um.. I don't know if your Iso explained to you how our ultimate works..?" Iso started to ask a bit nervously, looking away for a moment.

"not really, he kind of briefly mentions it but he doesn't explain anything." You said with a small shake of you head as you spoke. "Why so?" He paused for a moment, a look of guilt Crossing his face again. "Well, to leave this place one of us has to die." He said a bit bluntly even though his face still looked pained. "I'll take the shot. My sage isn't too far by. I just... Well I guess I'm sorry for what you're about to see-" he said as he reached over to his gun, pulling out the sheriff from his holster.

Your eyes widened, slight panic taking over. "Wait wait wait, what are you going to do-? Wait, hold on!" You yelled out, but before you could react, he had pressed the gun against his temple and pulled the trigger- the pocket dimension shattering into thousands of purple pieces. You let out a scream, not expecting him to pull that move- and also not liking the image that got engraved in your head.

When you're transported back to the spot you were first taken from when Omega Iso used his ultimate, you were breathing heavily, looking a bit panicked. You composed yourself as fast as you could, at least trying to fix your expression to not show the panic you were feeling inside- especially because when you turned around, your face to face with your own Iso.

The one who looked at you indifferently, just raising an eyebrow. He quickly looked over you, circling around you to make sure you had no physical injuries before finally asking: "You okay? You were in there for a while-" in a flat tone.

Something about having to hear the flat tone and seeing the under expressive face of your own worlds Iso once more - it made you a bit sad. It pains you to know that in a different world, one that was just like your own, there was a version of him that liked you back and that expressed it. You kept up the neutral expression, simply giving him a small nod.

"I'm fine. He's dead."

[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 13

Chapter 13 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, Eddie gets job offers from multiple houses, including the 118. He really wants to take it, however, discussing it with Buck reveals that the 118 doesn’t know he’s married. The reality that the offer will likely be taken away if they know, makes the two of them come up with a scheme. It’s the start of a lie that snowballs into something much bigger.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (slow burn)

Warnings: implied ableism, emotionally abusive parents, internalized misogyny, internalized homophobia, insecurity

~~~

Chapter 13: The Job Offer

Both of them working is fucking hard. Right now Eddie still has regular hours, but he is done later than Chris is done with school. So, they’ve had to rely on Pepa picking him up on her lunch hour to drive him to Abuela, even Buck had claimed a minor personal emergency to tend to once or twice to step in when she couldn’t.

He isn’t sure what the talk behind his back is about why he is more stressed and what his emergency could be and he doesn’t care. He is just trying to make it through this, find a new rhythm that works for all of them. It’s only a matter of time, he tries to tell himself though that doesn’t always help during the dark nights when insecurities eat at him.

Eddie isn’t doing much better, every day his mom’s words ring through his ears: ‘Come on, do not drag Chris down with you, because you are too stubborn.’

‘Do not drag Chris down with you, because you are too stubborn.’

‘Do not drag Chris down with you.’

Fuck, he hates that they’ve implanted that idea in his brain, that he can’t just write it off and forget about it. That it feels like a condemnation as much as a challenge. That he wants to prove them wrong so bad, but sometimes it feels like he’ll never be able to and he’ll have to return to Texas, embarrassed and humiliated.

However, despite all their fears, it is working. They’re making it. Buck’s rigorous meal prepping is paying off, making them more relaxed and enabling them to keep up with chores. It’s not too different from when they were both working in El Paso, they just have to get back into the groove again. With the way they seamlessly formed a team the first time around, it isn’t that hard.

And Eddie is glad that it’s working out, because he loves firefighting. The physicality of it is nice, as is the camaraderie, even in the academy, plus he’s good at it. Buck keeps asking him what scores he’s getting, cocky if he’d done better and playfully sour if he didn’t. It’s fun.

He’s flying through the academy with good results, great ones even. And the end of his training is close enough that he’s getting job offers.

One of those offers is from one Captain Robert Nash of the 118.

That’s Buck’s house, Eddie recognizes the name and number easily. Buck is proud of the people he serves with and speaks highly of Bobby. He’s heard nothing but great things about everyone there and it sounds like a great place to work.

It would make him less anxious to go in knowing everyone a bit already and having a person there he knows he can work well with. He isn’t the most social, so it’ll be a nice in.

However, he probably should decline, or ask if there’s a position in the B shift he can work instead, so he can still also work at the 118 and have some of those knowing people benefits. With two people taking care of Chris is already much easier than it would have been if he were to have done this alone. If he works B shift, they’d be on opposite schedules, much like that first year taking care of Chris together.

Working B shift is the smartest thing to do. Then they can almost always be sure that the other is there to drive Chris where he needs to go, help him with homework and feed him. It’s the whole reason they got married in the first place.

But… But then there is the note that goes with the offer. The note that says that Bobby has been looking for a partner for his most recent probie who is now almost full fledged firefighter, who is a bit reckless and needs someone to balance him out and have his back, instead of working together with floaters or B shift taking an extra shift, and that he thinks Eddie will be a good fit.

And Eddie finds himself agreeing with that and wanting to take it, wanting to be the one that backs up Buck and keeps him out of danger, ensuring that he’ll come home.

He knows Buck can be stubborn when he thinks he’s right and prone to jumping in head first without thinking things through. It’s probably how he ended up raising Chris with Eddie, because he’s too kind and he’d do anything to help a stranger. It’s one of the things Eddie appreciates so much about him, but Bobby describes it as being reckless in the field. Eddie can’t have Buck be reckless.

It is purely selfish, but Eddie wants Buck to stay around, to be his friend, his co-parent… his husband. He needs Buck to come home to him, he’s too reliant on the man – loathe he is to admit he relies on anyone – and if he’s out there being reckless, then Eddie wants to make sure Buck doesn’t get himself killed for being a dumbass. Keep him safe.

Maybe Bobby thinks that having Eddie there as a reminder that Buck has a family that needs him too will help. They’re not married like that, but maybe Buck didn’t explain well or Bobby didn’t get it or he thinks it works either way.

Eddie isn’t sure, but he knows that even if he won’t work as a reminder, he’s gotten plenty good at working with Buck and keeping him in check. If he can talk him out of a bouncy castle for Chris’s birthday party, he can probably talk him out of doing something stupid or reckless or, god forbid, self sacrificing.

So he desperately wants to take the offered job on the 118 A shift, even if it’s not the smartest choice logistically.

His mind is practically already made up, but he feels like he owes it to his family to consider the other options. The options that would make it easier to schedule everything. Which means he’s on the couch with all the offers he’s been made and going through them carefully.

That is how Buck finds him later when he comes back after a run, which he has been doing more since he decided he wanted to submit for that calender. Eddie has been fondly rolling his eyes about how seriously he’s taking it. But it’s kind of sweet in a dorky way too, he supposes.

Chris is with tía Pepa today, since she told them under no uncertain terms he needed better clothes and she had better taste. Neither of them felt like arguing with her and neither could really afford to say no to free clothes. Chris is growing like a weed.

Buck comes up behind him, leaning over the back of the couch to see what Eddie is looking at. “Oh, wow, you got a lot of offers.”

Eddie tips his head back to look at him, smirking: “You jealous?”

“Uhm, excuse you, I got a lot of offers too,” Buck guffaws, mock offended.

“Sure, you did,” Eddie says playing at patronizing.

“Har, har,” Buck replies, before nodding at all the files and asking: “Have you got your eye on one yet or are you still trying to decide?” He rounds the couch and falls down next to him, eagerly saying: “I’m pretty connected, I can give you house gossip if you want. So you can make a better informed decision of course.”

“Of course,” Eddie snorts. “Actually, I know quite a bit already about the house I’m contemplating the most,” he adds nonchalantly, giving Buck a look.

For a moment, Buck seems confused, then the realization dawns on him and his eyes light up. “Bobby made you an offer?”

“Yeah, apparently he has a stubborn asshole and he needs someone to keep him in check,” Eddie teases him with a nudge.

“Oi, I’m not that bad.”

“Who said I was talking about you.”

Buck is quiet for a second, then says: “Okay, fair enough. But still, I’m sure he didn’t call me a stubborn asshole.”

“Nah, I filled in the blanks,” Eddie says. “He called you a capable yet reckless firefighter, who needs someone to balance him out.”

“See, that’s way nicer.”

“I can be nice.”

“Uh-huh, sure,” Buck grins. “So, are you going to take it?” he asks, sounding both curious as well as excited and nervous at the same time.

“I’m thinking about it, yeah,” Eddie answers honestly. He stares at his hands, suddenly his need to be Buck’s partner in the field feels like an admission, though he doesn’t know of what. “I should probably try to get on the B shift or find another house though, so one of us can be home for Chris. Opposite schedules and all that.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Buck agrees, but Eddie thinks he sounds a little sad and wilted.

Eddie’s hands wring together and he still doesn’t meet Buck’s eyes. Quietly he says: “I kinda wanna take it. I mean, if we work the same schedule, then it’s technically only two schedules we need to match. Plus, we already know we work well together, who knows who we’d get stuck with otherwise, you know.”

Buck perks up slightly at that. “Yeah, I think it’ll be fun to work together and I think we can figure it out with Abuela and tía Pepa, but it’s your job, you gotta decide if you want to take it. This is about what you want. I’m in your corner whatever you decide.”

It’s never about what Eddie wants. The sentence feels novel. A weird feeling goes through Eddie and he is embarrassed to realize it’s excitement. He is excited that it’s about what he wants. That is so humiliating. To be excited about that.

Still, Buck is looking at him with that open, honest expression, patiently awaiting Eddie’s decision and he should just take a B shift position or accept another house, but fuck it, he wants to work with Buck. He wants to do this job he loves with people he actually likes. He should be prioritizing Chris, but Buck is right, they’ll figure it out. They’ve been managing thus far, haven’t they?

“I want to take the job,” Eddie decides after a moment. “Someone has to keep you in check, your Captain even said so.”

“He did not.”

“He totally did. Guess, he figured that since I married you, I could make sure you didn’t do something too stupid,” Eddie jokes, before adding thoughtfully: “I never really thought about it, but I assumed there would be a policy against married people working together. But I suppose we’re not together-together, so it probably doesn’t count?”

Idly he looks over at Buck, doing a double take when he watches Buck’s face drop into something vaguely guilty.

“What?”

“Uhm, they- they don’t know I’m married,” Buck answers, rubbing the back of his head. “You don’t legally have to declare marital status, so I didn’t. Then I, uh, just kind of didn’t mention it?”

Eddie blinks a few times, trying to process that. Buck didn’t tell his coworkers he’s married. Bobby offered him this job without knowing Eddie is married to Buck. They’re not together-together, but they’re a unit, legally even! And they don’t know?

“So, you didn’t tell them you were married, but you told them you were co-parenting Chris with someone, right? Maybe even mentioned that someone is me?” Eddie’s voice is a little shrill as he asks that and he doesn’t know why he’s so upset.

“Uh, I- I didn’t mention you or Chris,” Buck says, voice small.

“What?” Eddie feels a little ill all of a sudden. “You spend nearly an entire year with these people and you never once mentioned you had a son? You didn’t mention Chris? Like, at all?”

“It never came up,” Buck shrugs, not meeting his eyes.

It never came up. A year of working with people, who he has gotten very close with, who he talks about a lot, and yet he never mentioned Chris. Or Eddie. He is selfishly upset about that last part, but he doesn’t want to talk about it. He’s not some emotional pussy, who is upset his friend didn’t mention him to his other friends. No, of course not. He’s just angry on Chris’s behalf.

“Really?” he scoffs. “You didn’t mention either of us for a whole year? What? Are you embarrassed of Chris, is that it? Did you not want to share with your coworkers that you had a disabled kid or something?”

“What the fuck, Eddie. Of course not,” Buck swears. “I can’t believe you’d think that of me, I love that kid to death.”

“Yeah and not even mention he exists at work really shows that, huh?”

“You don’t understand.”

“Then make me understand!”

“Chris is yours. Okay? He’s yours. He’ll always be yours first,” Buck yells, flying from the couch to pace as he rants. “He’s your kid and no matter what I do, nothing can change that. One day you’re going to find someone and divorce me and I will lose him forever. And that fucking sucks, okay? And you don’t get that. And when I got here, I thought you’d divorce me the second you got your certifications, so I’m sorry, I didn’t mention the kid I was about to lose to people I just met and then felt too awkward to bring it up, because they’ve built this whole life for me that I don’t have.”

Buck is breathing heavily, standing on the other side of the coffee table as Eddie looks at him with shocked eyes. The fight slowly leaves him and exhaustion creeps in. He rubs a tired hand over his face and sighs.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” is what Eddie says, before his brain catches up. He grimaces and quickly adds: “Sorry, I mean- You’re not gonna lose Chris, Buck. You’re never going to lose him. Not even when we divorce. Chris loves you. You’re his father. I’m not gonna let another parent walk away from him, especially when said parent doesn’t want to go. You’re gonna be in his life forever, man, I’m sorry, but you’re stuck now.”

When he’s done, Buck tears up slightly. Eddie tenses, worrying what he’s done wrong now. He’s bad at talking about emotions, he knows that and Buck was already insecure about it and now he probably made it worse.

Before he can spiral, Buck is back across the room again, pulling Eddie into a tight hug as he whispers a forceful: “Thank you.”

Eddie feels a little overwhelmed and hugs back the best he can, saying: “Of course.”

They stand there for a moment. Eddie is a little wracked by guilt for letting Buck think he’d just take Chris away from him – for practically a year now – so he holds Buck for as long as Buck wants to, pushing away his own twisted feelings that are probably discomfort. He tries not to think about them, because then he’d feel guilty about those feelings too.

After a few minutes, Buck steps back, taking a deep breath, before clearing his throat. “Okay, I’m okay now. I’m normal again.”

Eddie snorts at that, breaking the tension. Curiously he asks: “So, can I know what sort of life they’ve built for you?”

“Uh, they think I still live in a frat house and have hook ups every night,” Buck says sheepishly, making Eddie giggle.

“Oh my god, that is so funny,” Eddie says. “You’re the opposite of a frat bro. Honestly, you’re closer to a house wife than I ever was, even when I was injured and at home.”

“Yeah, I just have a frat boy face and I did have that hook up phase that sadly bled into my professional life for a few weeks there,” Buck says.

“If I take the job and tell them we’re co-parenting Chris, do you think their brains will break?” he asks, shit eating grin.

“Probably,” Buck snorts, before he starts thinking it through: “Though I don’t know if they’d still offer you the job if you tell them that. You do have to sign a relationship disclosure if you start dating a coworker, but they probably assume that that’s a step before marrying someone and that they’ll notice if they hire a married couple.”

Eddie feels something curl in on itself in his chest at the thought of the job offer at the 118 being withdrawn. So, he points out: “But that is about romantic entanglements and we don’t have that, so that doesn’t really apply to us.”

“Yeah, no, it doesn’t,” Buck agrees, waving his hand as to say obviously. “But I don’t know if they’d count it anyway. It has to do with judgment in the field and if you can be impartial. You can still work together, but couples do get separated about it sometimes and they try to avoid it if they can.”

“But you don’t have to disclose marital status,” Eddie checks, a stupid idea forming in his brain.

“No, that is like a personal thing, I think it’s against the law to ask, but I don’t know for sure,” Buck answers.

“So… if I don’t say anything, they wouldn’t know,” Eddie points out slowly, waiting to see if Buck catches on to what he means and what he thinks about it.

“No, I suppose they wo- Oh. Ohhhh,” Buck replies, eyes wide, before a smirk replaces his epiphany face. It’s kind of adorable. How a grown man can look so much like a puppy, Eddie doesn’t know. “You’re proposing a scheme.”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it a scheme per se,” Eddie smirks back playfully, “more like a strategic sharing of information where relevant.”

“It’s totally a scheme.”

“Alright, fine. It can be a scheme.”

“Yes,” Buck fist pumps and Eddie rolls his eyes fondly.

“You’re a dork,” he informs Buck.

“I know,” Buck says happily. “So you’re gonna take the job at the 118? And not tell them we’re married?”

“Yeah, I guess so. It’s the best course of action if I want the job and I kind of like your firehouse, it feels like I know everyone a little bit already.”

Buck nods understanding, he knows Eddie doesn’t like connecting with people and can probably guess why he likes that. Luckily, he also knows that Eddie wouldn’t want him to point it out to him, so he just says: “Our firehouse now.”

It’s sweet and Eddie can’t help but smile broadly at him. Before he says: “Okay, we need to have a plan for this, so we don’t fuck this up and embarrass ourselves. Ideas?”

“I don’t think we should reconfigure everything they know about me. They’re nosy as hell. Like I love them, but they are. They’ll ask a hundred questions and poke around everywhere and you know I’m a horrible liar.”

Eddie nods thoughtfully, then he carefully suggests: “How do you feel about meeting each other for the first time?”

“Like pretend we didn’t know each other before?” Buck checks.

“Uh-huh,” Eddie nods. “I mean, they wouldn’t expect us to and if we know each other they’ll ask why you didn’t mention your friend was doing the academy and it’ll fall apart. Besides, I’m not a sharing guy, I don’t know if I want to mention Chris right out of the gate and be the guy that knocked up his summer fling as a teen.”

“That makes sense,” Buck nods. “But they’ll totally be cool about Chris, I promise. Only Hen has a kid and it’s the kid of her ex that she’s raising with her current wife. They’re not going to be weird about it. But still, your choice.”

“I’ll see. Probably won’t be able to keep it to myself forever, but I want to establish myself a little bit first,” Eddie shrugs and Buck nods. “So, what do you think? About the not knowing each other thing.”

“Sounds like a plan, I’m in,” Buck says, cementing the idea permanently.

It might blow up in their faces one day, but Eddie likes the plan they have. He wants to work with Buck and wants to work at the 118. He already knows the vibes there, he doesn’t want to get stuck with some judgmental asshole or a bigot. Bobby sounds like the best option. Besides, he secretly loved theater when he was in high school. Never auditioned, because that was weird, but delighted in the few detentions he had to serve helping them set up.

So with their minds made up, he calls Bobby to accept his offer for the 118 as he works towards certification and Buck towards the end of his probie year.

With their plan, Chris and Eddie can’t come to his shield ceremony, which Eddie is upset about. He is maybe more upset than Buck, who never counts on anyone being anywhere for him, which only pisses Eddie off more.

They don’t tell Chris about it, not wanting to upset him, but behind Buck’s back, Eddie arranges for Abuela and Pepa to be there. He can miss them at his own graduation to keep up the ruse, he’ll get to have Chris there. And Buck.

Then, before he knows it, his first day is there.

He’s nervous as fuck and a little jittery. He has no clue how this will go and not only is he nervous about fitting in and finding a place with the others, he is also worried about the two of them technically lying to all their coworkers. Not a great start. Maybe they’ll get discovered the first day and that will be super humiliating.

Buck is also anxious, but he hides it better, getting up early to make a big breakfast for all of them to work out the nerves. Then he covers it with jokes. “Come on, Eddie, you have to get going, you don’t want to be late for your first day.”

“You’re not leaving yet and you’re dropping Chris off first, I’m gonna be fine,” Eddie complains. Then he has to make sure: “Right?”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re gonna be fine, but first day early can’t hurt. Now come on, probie, get your ass in gear.”

“We are so not calling me probie,” Eddie threatens. “I’ll make you sleep on the couch.”

“Ha, jokes on you, I have my own bedroom.”

“Yeah, daddy, papi has his own bedroom, why would he sleep on the couch? Are we going to have a sleep over in the living room?” Chris asks innocently.

Buck looks at Eddie, the look on his face asking, ‘yeah, what are you going to say to that?’

“We’re not having a living room sleep over, bud. Not during the school week. Maybe this weekend if you’re good in school,” Eddie says.

“I’m always good in school,” Chris pouts.

“I know, mijo,” Eddie smiles softly.

“Then it’s a guarantee, huh, Superman,” Buck says, ruffling his hair as Chris beams up at him.

Eddie takes the two of them in, before the stress gets to him and he gets up, clearing away their plates, before kissing Chris on the forehead. “You have a good day today, alright? Tía Pepa is picking you up, but we’ll come get you from Abuela’s house, yeah?”

“Okay, daddy. Have a good day.”

“Thank you,” Eddie says, unable to help himself as he plants another kiss on his forehead.

“Now get going,” Buck ushers him away from Chris, otherwise he’ll never leave. “You’re blocking the driveway with your truck and I need to get this monster to pick up on time.”

“I’m not a monster,” Chris protests.

“Oh really, not even a cookie eating monster, huh? Or a tickle monster?” Buck grins, playfully descending onto the giggling seven year old with tickles as he shrieks.

It doesn’t make it any easier to leave and Eddie pauses in the doorway for a bit. When Buck spots him he sighs, grin still in place. “Go, Eddie. Go. And don’t use the q-word.”

Eddie starts moving again, saying: “That’s so stupid, I’m going to say it on purpose now.”

“Don’t you dare, probie.”

“Still not calling me probie.”

“You don’t say the q-word, I don’t call you probie.”

“Okay, okay, deal, I will keep to your silly superstition,” Eddie rolls his eyes, finally managing to get out the house with another goodbye thrown over his shoulder. It’s been a while since he’s been so excited yet terrified of a first day at work, it’s strangely fun to speculate how today will go as he gets into his car and drives off.

~~

A/N:

One of my favorite things about Buck and Eddie is that they are both idiots and encourage each other’s idiot when possible so they can be in cahoots together. I love how fucking stupid they can be lmao, because there is absolutely no reason to do all this

[sitp-recs]

HP Rec Fest, Day 28

I’ve been reccing underrated fics since this blog was created and so I thought “there’s no easier @hprecfest prompt than this one” lol famous last words, this post took me ages to prepare 😂 I was initially overwhelmed by the amount of fics that came to mind, and going through my bookmarks and old recs only made it worse. How was I supposed to shortlist?? In the end I gave up and decided to rec 2 Drarry fics + 2 rare pairs. I could have included so many more but I really didn’t want this to become a tl;dr post and these rec blurbs are already going out of control, so here we go!

Day 28) an under-rated fic:

Drarry

In Dreams by @moonflower-rose (E, 38k)

Harry wasn't expecting to ever see Draco Malfoy again. He also wasn't expecting to walk into a political conspiracy that morning either, but apparently that's exactly what the day has in store for him.

I’ve screamed quite a few times about this fic (see my rec here) and every time I do it’s in the hopes that more folks will stop whatever they’re doing and go feast on this. not only a delicious and intriguing case fic with Rosie’s trademark epic dialogue and superb sense of humour, this also wins the award of best fic opening I have ever read. the way I gasped at chapter one and am forever haunted by its utterly devastating ending oh my god!!! my heart belongs to this gritty Harry, and the slow burn is masterfully crafted within the urgency of their teamwork to solve the mystery combining comfort, grief and hope in a thrilling, poignant and perfectly paced adventure. plus, the emotional payoff is chef’s kiss, honestly I cannot recommend this enough!

Survival of the Species by @romaine2424 (E, 47k)

Draco approaches Harry on the 9 ¾ platform, after their sons have boarded the Hogwarts Express, and invites him over for tea. The discussion they have leads them on an adventure that neither could have expected. There be dragons! HPDH compliant but before any other canon info had been released.

considering this masterpiece was published back in 2007 I think I’m allowed to say this is definitely a formative story when it comes to the creature genre, more specifically Veela fic. I first read this a couple years ago and my jaw legit dropped at the amount of world-building and carefully researched lore that went into this. so detailed and intricate and different from everything I’ve seen before or since, I was truly fascinated and couldn’t stop reading. kudos to the amazing slow burn covering years of their struggles stuck together in a dragon cave and having to rely on each other to survive. I loved seeing the hardships and how they genuinely came to care for each other, definitely one of the most moving and convincing Veela love stories I’ve read in the fandom.

Rare pair

With a Look by earlybloomingparentheses (Ginny + Deamus, E, 5k)

Now, twenty years old and done with boys and looking forward very much to putting her hand down some lucky girl’s shirt later this evening, Ginny looks at Dean Thomas’s gold-painted fingernails and feels heat pool between her legs.

I think about this fic every now and then - such a sensitive, thought-provoking and beautiful homage to the 🏳️‍🌈 community. the visceral and contemplative tone takes it beyond your regular PWP, and I’ve rarely seen gender and queerness explored quite like this. seeing Ginny figuring out and owning her identify is mesmerizing. her voice is powerful, sexy, earnest and articulates so many complex and layered feelings - I was particularly moved by the inner turmoil of not looking “queer enough”. I’m sure this fic will be eye-opening and comforting to so many people out there, and that’s why I never cease to rec it. an intimate character study, a sinfully hot and self-indulgent threesome but above anything, a poignant love letter to the queer community.

Passion, Patents, and Pen Pals at the Ministry by @violetclarity and @yrfrndfrnkly, art by @anaxandria-writes and @veelawings (Hermione/Pansy, T, 32k)

After an extremely ill-timed lovers'-tiff-turned-food-fight at the Ministry leaves her less one boyfriend and suspended without pay for six months, Hermione pleads for some position–anything–to fill her days until her suspension is up. The good news is, her temporary position in the Magical Games & Sports's Ludicrous Patents office is just down the corridor from Harry's office in General Inquiries. The bad news is Harry's officemate is Pansy Parkinson, the Ministry's operations are shockingly outdated, and every altercation between Hermione and Pansy winds up a headline in MoM's internal rogue gossip zine, Hot Goss.

rivals to secret pen pals to lovers yes please?? this hilarious Pansmione is a ship triumph and yet criminally underrated. I had a blast getting into the world of Ministry gossip & politics, and immediately fell in love with all the characters, l especially with this lovely meddling Harry. it’s SO MUCH FUN to watch poor him (and Blaise omg what a duo) in the middle of a ladies’ tug of war. I’m impressed by the amount of world-building especially around their workplace, not to mention all the side interactions and the fun, organic slow burn. I love this take on identity porn with tons of banter and Pansy and Mione connecting through their shared worldview and feminist principles, such a power couple ✊🏼 the mix of semi-epistolary, witty dialogue, dorky meddling friends and mild angst make for peak entertaining, I laughed non-stop and cheered so bad for them. femslash ftw!!!

[hijinks-n-lowjinks]

Hi! For the WIP ask:

I'm sorry I gotta ask about and i've been tryin' not to feel it it's one of my fave JJK fics!

Specifically, how'd you come up with the overall concept and plot points in the fic? Is it inspired by anything from your own life experiences or solely the JJK source material?

Also: Is there anything in particular you keep in mind when you write Yuuji and Meg's characterization in the fic? Cuz you're one of the few writers who I think captures them PERFECTLY so tell me all ur secrets >:)

Thank you :D

Omg thank you so much, I'm so happy that you're enjoying it so far!!! This ask made me smile so big when I got it, this is exactly what I wanted to talk about for aibtntfi!!! warning, this will be a very long post lol. I'll explain further below the cut~

The overall concept was actually from me just daydreaming about what a regular itfs meeting would be life if they met in completely normal circumstances. I was still in college when I started writing this fic, and writing high school age setting feels unnatural to me now, so I just aged them up to make it easier on myself and more fun for me to write! This fic was also intended to only be a one shot, but..... then I thought of some cute little plotlines and rolled with it lol.

First off, I'm not gonna lie, I think a lot of jjk/itfs fics get them wrong—both their characterizations and their relationship.

I was determined to write my boys accurately, or at least as accurately characterized as I can imagine them being in a normal modern world! I couldn't picture Megumi being outgoing, or very willing to actively attempt to get to know anyone outside his current friend group, so I had to think of a way to get itfs to interact in a way that seemed natural and not forced.

Megumi has never been a problem for me to write. He's my favorite character, and I've loved him since the anime first started airing in 2020 and back then NOBODY gave a fuck about him (at least in my social circles). It felt like I was his sole fan, so I've always had a pretty good grasp on his character and personality due to having to defend my boy to the ends of the earth.

Something I've had to do to ensure that I keep him accurate is have little check ins. Whenever I write a chapter, I'll usually have a somewhat linear outline of what I want to put down, so I'll imagine if I could see canon Megumi saying/doing/thinking the same things as au Megumi. Obviously it's not a 1-to-1 (an au will immediate make a character different simply because of setting), but it does help!

For example, when itfs first met I couldn't imagine canon Megumi instantly fawning over him or getting googly eyes over him. That's just not my boy.

But I could imagine canon Megumi being slightly flustered and feeling mildly distressed when talking to a cute boy he just met and probably doesn't want to find as cute and interesting as he does. In a world where you can die on any mission you're sent on, Megumi likes having some feeling of control over himself and his reactions to things. That's why when he suddenly found himself inexplicably attracted to Yuuji for seemingly no apparent reason it distressed him; it's an emotion he doesn't typical find himself feeling strongly about and is more than likely in control of 24/7. That lack of control over his emotions is what causes him to begin to freak himself out and snap at Yuuji, becoming the catalyst for the entire fic.

Overall, Megumi is blunt, opinionated yet understated, responsible, petty, and he's kind of mean!!!! I mean that last one in the most affectionate way!!! He's constantly ready to insult or knock characters down a peg, but he's clever about it! He's a very emotionally complex character as well. He cares far more about things than he'd ever let on, and he's jaded as fuck. He has a very realistic (and slightly cynical) look at the world. He's extremely intelligent but has difficulty full expressing himself without wanting to put a gun to his head.

He's also a massive cutie! He's very quiet about his interests, but he does have love and passion for them. He adores his sister, unfortunately loves his friends and Gojo, and tries to maintain a level head and clear mind as much as he can while keeping a firm grip on what he deems realistic.

I also needed to imagine how the characters would have matured since I aged them up. 15 year old Yuuji does not have the emotional intelligence that 20 year old Yuuji does, and I needed to acknowledge that change. A 20 year old man should not be as immature as a 15 year old, not matter how closely you're attempting to maintain characterization.

Yuuji is much more difficult character for me to write. He's much more at ease with himself and the world around him, so it's a struggle to think of how he'd respond to others in different situations. Overall he's very understanding and sympathetic to others, but I think he also has a hard time knowing how to respond to them! With his older age in my fic, it was odd writing Yuuji with the emotional intelligence of a 20 year old because he just doesn't have that level at 15. That was a concession I had to make because writing 20 year old Yuuji that immature felt cringy and distasteful.

He's a silly guy! He likes to joke and mess around, but he's still capable of being serious. The balance between them is one of the harder parts of writing good Yuuji characterization, in my experience. A key part of his character is that he wants to be helpful. He's very easygoing and ready to provide assistance to anyone who might need it, sometimes even to the detriment of himself or others (in a damaging to their pride way).

The dynamic between the two is like gravity. There's something that somehow keeps them orbiting around each other no matter how hard one might attempt to break away from the other. They long to be near each other and don't know exactly how to define what they are to each other, they just are.

I can 100% get behind the idea that Megumi would be instantly drawn/attracted to Yuuji. That's more-or-less what happens in canon, so why would an au be any different? But the thing is, Megumi does not want to befriend Yuuji initially. He's civil with Yuuji, but he obviously doesn't care about being neighborly or getting on Yuuji's good side with the blunt-bordering-on-rude way he acts in the beginning of the manga.

I full leaned into that. I could absolutely see Megumi being irritated that he find this this stupid, kind, loud boy that he doesn't know frustratingly cute and I thought it would be a funny premise to get this little subtly tsundere boy to kiss a cute boy at the end of the night and get a boyfriend. That, in fact, did not end up happening and it instead stretched to them pining for each other for 14 chapters straight.

Yuuji is obviously far more outgoing than Megumi, so I had to play into that. He doesn't mind interacting and conversing with strangers, but he also doesn't really go out of his way to fully befriend them, so I needed another external force to really pique his interest in Megumi.

Megumi's resistance to chatting up with Yuuji is what draws the latter in. There's a deep curiosity engrained in Yuuji, because at his core he truly loves learning about things! I leaned into his curiosity for Megumi as a way to show that side of his character as well using it as a natural meet cute and spark.

When it comes to dialogue and interactions, I try to keep it as natural as I can! If I could picture a young adult have saying what they do or having a similar conversation then I know I've done my job! Repeating dialogue out loud or in your head REALLY helps. It helps your brain catch weird inflections or inconsistencies when just typing it out might not.

My final ace in the hole is my wonderful beta reader @kattythingz . They keep me in check for that sort of thing! They'll happily call me out if they think a line of dialogue sounds weird or that a character wouldn't say or act a certain way, and it's saved my ass over and over again. If you have people around you who are willing to read and can be honest about that sort of thing, then use them!!! You won't get better if people are sparing your feelings.

[threestripeslider]

okay i got this comment on the new OMO chapter a while ago and i was positively GIDDY at the question since im such a fan of nifty worldbuilding!! idk yet if this will ever come up in the fic in detail so im just gonna smack it on here bc i have several ideas!!

How do Yokai and Mutants differentiate from eachother?

in my mind, i believe yokais have a way easier time when it comes to picking out mutants because there are several factors that they can use to their advantage;

1. Scent Mutants, especially when mixed with some sort of human DNA, tend to smell a lot more human than Yokais. obviously, it gets a little trickier when mutants don’t have any sort of human DNA, which brings us to;

2. Awareness Mutants with no human DNA tend to more animalistic and instinctual, not unlike the mythical creatures in the Hidden City – even if a yokai cant correctly dub them a mutant, they will write them off as a mythical creature, so it’s usually a simple 50/50 on them.

3. Social Behaviors the best and most obvious way to spot a mutant for a yokai is how they behave in a typical yokai social setting – obviously, having been previously human or similar, mutants tend to flounder a lot in their new environment, unfamiliar with specific customs or basic social etiquette in yokai culture. by no means are they malicious, but mutants are pretty clumsy at first, which makes them easy to spot in the crowd.

4. Non-Mystic this one’s a little more unreliable but can be a way to spot a mutant; in general, mutants typically have little to no mystic abilities. i believe most yokais have some sort of mystic ability to different degrees, but mutants do not. however, there can be outliers, such as the turtles, but their mystics is also a point of contention since it isnt really “yokai” mystics but more of a generational human mystics ability. however, it still gets categorized as mystics so they remain the outliers of this, which is why this route of detection isnt always 100% reliable.

on the flipside of it all, the poor mutants arent really that adept at differentiating who’s mutant and who’s not – i think only with time they start to take note of the little differences, but generally speaking it’s a little harder for them to immediately spot a fellow mutant.

Do only Yokai wear Cloaking Devices?

yes and no. generally, cloaking spells and devices are a lot more wide-spread within the yokai community than the mutants, only because it happens to be a yokai invention. that, and they can be rather expensive, depending where you get it from, who made it and the strength of the spell/device. that’s why it’s usually safe to assume 98% of the time the person wearing some mystic cloaking device is a yokai of some kind. mutants arent really aware such things exist until they’ve lived under the yokai for a while and hear about it. and while they arent super accessible, mutants can get their hands on them too if they wish to do so.

Do Yokai view Mutants differently?

that varies from person to person. generally speaking, mutants arent being discriminated against in the Hidden City, however some yokai can be rather distrustful at first since mutants used to be human, especially yokai who initially were born from human effects (eg. curses and other spirits). the non-human mutants tend to be just like their regular creatures so they’re usually seen as a mundane headache when they tip over some poor yokai’s trashcan again. many mutants tend to seek refuge in the Hidden City as they no longer believe they fit in with their human kin Topside, so a good chunk of the Hidden City’s population are mutants – its safe to assume that there are also mutant-yokai offspring popping up.

so yeah!! here are my worldbuilding ideas that i’ve been thinking about!! honestly i cant wait to write about the Hidden City in general bc i just LOVE the concept of it so much OAAAAA

[squish36-writes-and-draws]

It's Easier if I'm to Blame, Yeah, It's Easier to Numb the Pain

Word count: 2919

TW: Near-death experience

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @faggot-friday @kamikothe1and0nly @nyxpixels @florida-preposterously @poppinspop @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @did-i-say-you-could-get-up @rusted-phone-calls @when-wax-wings-melt @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @hi-imgrapes @callum-hunt-is-bisexual @xanadaus @callas-pancake-tree @hi-my-name-is-awesome @katniss-elizabeth-chase @arson-anarchy-death @dizzeners @thefoxysnake @olivedumdum @loveution @notyourlegacygirl

On Ao3 or below the cut!

Once again, this was a thing for my creative writing class, but this one was actually supposed to be a fanfic, not just a barely-concealed fanfic like the other two. Essentially this is that one scene in Neverseen where Fitz and Dex become friends. Yes, I know it's been done before. I've done it before. This is the most hinged fanfic I could write and to be fair I wrote kotlp chapter 3 like two years ago and this is from Fitz's pov. It's completely different

    “Can I…um…talk to you for a sec?” Dex asks, his voice sharper and brighter than it has any right to be, ripping a spiraling Fitz out of his daze. 

    For Physic to admit so plainly that he just nearly died that’s—that’s terrifying. 

    Sophie might go through that on a far too regular basis, but for Fitz to get that close to his own demise makes him feel things he’s never felt before. It’s a kind of fear and a lack of control he’s never had before, even while he was watching Sophie drag herself back from the edge of fading away. 

    It’s an even deeper affront to his being than that. Elves are supposed to have an indefinite life span; they aren’t built to process the concept of their own mortality. 

    “Uh…sure,” Fitz replies slowly, glancing up to find Dex studying the floor. 

    Fitz’s Mom herds Keefe and Sophie out of the room, and Physic follows suit, her bejeweled half-mask glittering in the sterile lights as she goes. Keefe, ever insufferable, proclaims that he’s going to be eavesdropping. Fitz throws a pillow at him for his impunity. 

    It is very quickly made obvious that this was a bad decision as Fitz’s chest screams with pain. 

    The inky veins of arthropleura venom may have been drawn out of his skin, but he still has a long way to go before he’s fully healed. Physic’s scolding tells him as much. 

    The look Physic gives Keefe as she warns him to not throw it back is unexpectedly familiar, but Fitz can’t quite figure out why. At least the pillow isn’t allowed to make a return. Keefe is sure to remember this, though. Fitz will regret it one day very soon. 

    Dex waits for several seconds, head turned to the door, watching for the slightest sign that Keefe might be making good on his promise. Eventually he gives in and turns his attention back to the floor, gaze occasionally flicking up at Fitz. 

    Fitz smiles reassuringly, to no effect. 

    “I’m so sorry,” Dex whispers, voice ragged. He’s so quiet, Fitz wonders if Dex actually said anything or if his thoughts were just so loud that Fitz’s Telepathy picked up on them. 

    The next time Dex dares to look at Fitz, a tear streaks down Dex’s cheek. He quickly swipes it away.

    More than that, though, is the guilt etched into every single line, every single freckle. 

    Guilt is the most dangerous emotion an elf can have. Fitz has seen its effects. His father’s mind broke from the weight of Prentice’s conviction. 

    The ironic part is that Prentice’s sentence was to spend the rest of his indefinite lifespan with his mind broken for assisting the Black Swan and, now, Fitz, Biana, and their Mom have joined that exact same organization.  

    And, yes, Sophie was able to heal his Dad, but what if she couldn’t this time? What if Dex shattered and Fitz was the reason why? 

    I’ve already had to go through losing someone because of Prentice’s exile. I can’t let it happen again. 

    “Dex, listen to me.” Fitz waits until Dex’s eye contact lasts for a whole second. “I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you in the slightest—”

    “It was my gadget! It’s why you’re like—like this!” Dex’s voice cracks as he gestures to the bed Fitz is going to be trapped in for the next week. 

    Fitz’s hackles rise, meeting Dex’s anger head on. Anger is a safe emotion, at least until he starts saying things he’s going to regret. But he doesn’t care if he regrets what he’s saying so long as Dex understands. 

    “Correct me if I’m wrong, but last I checked, you aren’t a Charger. So unless you’ve suddenly manifested another ability and then didn’t spend a week proclaiming it to anyone who would listen, that was not your fault.”

    Dex’s voice takes on a dark edge. “Zarina wouldn’t have been able to do this.” 

    Memories of Councillor Zarina, lightning crackling in her palms and the faint whiff of ozone it caused as the air electrified, rush through Fitz’s mind. “She would’ve happily electrocuted any one of us if she thought it was the right thing to do.”

    “Since when has the Council acted upon ‘the right thing?’” 

    Fitz’s mouth opens to argue that the Council isn’t malicious, just overly cautious with a tendency to cover up every possible controversy, no matter how small, but he thinks better of it. The memories of Sophie’s Ability Restriction surface, too fresh in both of their minds to ignore. 

    Dex probably blames himself for that, too. But that isn’t his fault, either. He set out to build an Ability Enhancer. It was the Council that twisted it into what it became. He was just following orders to not get his family banished. 

    “Since when have you not blamed them for every inconvenience you’ve ever experienced?” Fitz smiles amusedly, a recent event coming to the forefront of his mind. “I think one day I heard you probably working on your gadgets around five in the morning cursing them out. I don’t think they gave you that paper cut.” 

    “Okay, most importantly, why were you awake that early? And how could you hear me? We are quite literally in separate treehouses. And, also, it was a splinter, not a paper cut, thank you very much.”

    Dex’s petulant smile doesn’t quite reach his dimples. 

    “I’m surprised Biana hasn’t told you about the horror stories of living with me. I’m apparently what’s called a ‘morning person’ and I should be placed in the Sanctuary to prevent the extinction of my species because it’s critically endangered.” 

    Dex’s smile widens, becoming more sincere. He looks like he almost wants to laugh, but his lips stay pressed together. That’s when Fitz makes it his personal mission to make Dex laugh before he’s allowed to leave this room, even if humor as a coping mechanism is Keefe’s specialty. 

    Fitz’s grand plans are suddenly impeded by a coughing fit, every muscle in his chest protesting with every single movement. A metallic taste tinges the back of his tongue and the skin of his chest feels impossibly tight. Between coughs, he can see the guilt flashing across Dex’s face, and it makes his chest ache in more ways than one. 

    Fitz doesn’t even get the chance to catch his breath before Dex begins a rambling apology. “I’m sorry I did this to you, and I’m sorry about the Ability Restrictor, and I know it wasn’t used on you but I’m still sorry about how it turned out, and I’m sorry for that day you came to the store and I acted like a buffoon, and I’m sorry for—”

    Fitz interrupts him before he can work himself into even more of a mess. “How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t blame you for what happened with the arthropleura?”

    “But you should.” 

    “There was absolutely no malicious intent behind anything that went down. You need to stop blaming yourself.”

    Dex shakes his head. “Intent doesn’t absolve me of responsibility.”

    “Fine, then. Why don’t you blame the Council? You can do that. It’s very easy to get pissed at Councillor Zarina for short circuiting your gadget. It’s even easier to blame Councillor Clarette for calling the arthropleura there in the first place. Who’s to say no one would’ve gotten hurt if your mini smoke machine gadget thing hadn’t decided to be extra explosive?”

    Dex looks…thoroughly unconvinced. 

    “Or, if you want to think about it this way, I share responsibility too. If I hadn’t thrown your gadget down the hallway, things could’ve gone very differently. Worse differently, but still differently. You can blame me for everything, you’ve done it before.”

    Dex has returned to studying the floor, the uneven lines of light gray grout separating the slightly darker gray tiles. It’s the only room Fitz has seen in the entirety of Alluveterre that doesn’t feel like it’s a treehouse. It’s empty, cold, and smells faintly of hand sanitizer. “I used to hate you, you know,” he whispers. 

    His inflection on the word ‘hate’ seems to imply that those feelings might not entirely be in the past, but they certainly aren’t what they used to be. He wouldn’t be getting this worked up if someone else—like Stina—was the one impaled by the antennae of an oversized millipede. 

    “Yeah, I do,” Fitz replies simply, not breaking eye contact. 

    “And that doesn’t bother you?”

    “I mean, I don’t entirely understand what I did to merit that kind of response, but, like, you’ve been more than willing to tolerate me in recent months. Why should I let that bother me? The past is in the past and it’s not like it’s going to reemerge.” 

    Dex turns away from Fitz, now studying the window that looks out onto the treehouses that make up Alluveterre. 

    Fitz can’t really see outside that well with the whole staying-horizontal thing, but Alluveterre itself has taken on a new atmosphere after going to Exile. 

    It should feel more open, but they’re both just as underground, just as claustrophobic. 

    The feeling of being trapped in that place, struggling for every breath as the venom coursed through his veins, is going to haunt him for a long time.

    Maybe that’s the real Vacker legacy…nearly dying in the middle of Exile going to visit Prentice. 

    The surrounding circumstances around the visit couldn’t be much more different. His Dad went down there with Sophie to break Fintan’s mind. He went there to break Prentice out. 

    So much has changed in so few months, there’s no saying where it might go here. All Fitz knows is that Dex is an incredibly skilled Technopath and that he would rather have Dex on his side than against him.

    Dex has the capacity to be scary when he wants to be, but he can also be incredibly stuck in his own head, like right now, as he continues to stare out the window. 

    “What if the past does reemerge?” he whispers. 

    Fitz looks at him, but he doesn’t turn to make eye contact. “Nothing is going to be a linear process. If you end up deciding that your initial opinion of me was correct, I might get a little mad. That’s just how I react to things sometimes. And I also have an intense desire to be liked by everyone—holy Exile, what was in those painkillers?”

    Dex’s response is almost automatic. “It was actually the Oremideae leaves. I think your Great-times-a-gadjillion-uncle-cousin-whatever discovered them. They’re really good at preventing infection, but they also inhibit a little bit of the blood-brain barrier, both physiologically and psychologically. I didn’t realize they’d kick in this quickly…but, I mean, they were crushed...which would increase absorption rate. I can go if this is weird for you.”

    Fitz can barely focus on the details of what Dex is saying. He goes off on alchemy-adjacent tangents quite often during the limited instances they’ve interacted and as much as Fitz wants to learn new things, there’s something so inherently distracting about Dex. 

    “You don’t have to go. Just don’t get mad if and when I say something stupid.”

    “I’m sure you won’t say anything stupid.” Dex’s attention lands on Fitz once again, and he takes a few steps toward Fitz’s bed-prison. 

    “You never know. I am very untrustworthy in that regard.”

    Dex is only a large step away from the foot of Fitz’s bed. He sighs. “I really am sorry for everything and a half.”

    “I thought you were supposed to be good at maths. Infinity plus half an infinity is still infinity. It won’t change. There’s no reason to operate on an infinitely large quantity.”

    Dex’s tone is flat as he says, “It was hyperbole.”

    “Oh.” That would make a touch more sense. I’ll just blame it on my brain not functioning, that’s completely plausible. 

    Dex lowers himself onto the farthest corner of Fitz’s bed. It’s way larger than the ones that Elwin has in the Healing Center at Foxfire, it’s still really close compared to Dex’s normal trend of staying as far away from Fitz as physically possible. 

    But it’s not a level of closeness that’s anything significant in any other case. 

    Dex’s words are low, almost to the point where Fitz thinks his filter has slipped to the point of accidentally reading Dex’s thoughts, but it doesn’t have that familiar echoey quality and Dex is avoiding eye contact once again. 

    “I just want you to know—really know—I’m so sorry about what happened to you. I’d like to promise that it’ll never happen again, but that’s just not something I can guarantee with any level of certainty. That terrifies me to no end, but I guess it just comes with being a Technopath. Hurting everyone around me is just…inevitable.” 

    “Maybe,” Fitz concedes, “but you’ve also saved us so many times with your Panic Switches and even those first two gadgets today that didn’t malfunction. I don’t remember if you heard about me when my Dad’s mind was broken, but, well, I was a bit of an absolute mess and I lashed out at Sophie. Maybe hurting everyone around me is just an inevitable part of my personality.” 

    They sit in silence together for a long moment. 

    Fitz breaks the silence first. “I guess that means that we should be friends. Mutually assured destruction and all that.”

    “Even despite the fact that I used to hate you?” 

    “Yeah. A little animosity will keep things interesting. It’s an integral part of why I’ve tolerated Keefe for so long.”  

     Dex’s laugh isn’t as light as it used to be, back when they didn’t know each other. They’ve both been through so much, and there’s still so much unknown ahead of them in the future. 

    “‘Interesting’ is certainly an interesting word choice. But I guess I’ll try. That’s the biggest commitment I can make. Don’t be mad when I start acting like a blockhead again.” 

    Fitz smiles, struggling to keep his chest muscles from throwing another fit, this time induced by laughter. 

     Dex has been subjected to the worst of the prejudice it can offer, he’s still here fighting for change. He can be bitter at times, but it’s well deserved. Justified, even. Acting like a blockhead would be the least of Fitz’s concerns if he was in Dex’s situation. 

    The idea that the worst Dex could do is act like a blockhead is just so far outside of what he should be allowed, it’s almost comical. 

    Or maybe it’s those Oremideae leaves. 

    Fitz is enveloped by a strong urge to give Dex a hug, but he can’t tell whether it’s from pity, admiration, the realization that he’s truly broken through Dex’s shell for the first time, or something else he can’t quite describe. 

    And that’s the same time that the playful grin drops from Dex’s face. 

    “I should probably leave you to rest and heal. Let me know if there’s anything I can do or get you or—”

    “Actually, I do have one small request, if you don’t mind.” 

    Fitz immediately regrets saying that, but there’s nothing he owns that’s more important to the healing process. 

    “I don’t mind at all. What can I get you?” Dex’s face is lit up, even if he doesn’t want to show it, with the rush of being helpful. It’s the one thing Fitz remembers from that day at the store—Dex’s absolute delight when he knows where something is. 

   “Under my bed, there’s a stuffed dragon. He should be pretty obvious. Please try to keep him away from discovery by others.”

    “By ‘others’ do you mean Biana or Keefe?” Dex asks as he stands, leaving behind an empty, warm corner of the bed. 

    “Yes,” Fitz answers, realizing he’s been smiling like a complete and total doofus long enough to make his face muscles hurt. 

    Dex is gone for a long minute before he returns, brandishing a ruby red dragon, its eyes and sparkles twinkling in the fluorescent lighting as its wings slowly flap from the movement. 

    Elwin may have given Mr. Snuggles to Fitz when Fitz’s Dad’s mind shattered, but it’s hard to remember a time before it was in his life. 

    Fitz hadn’t noticed the emptiness settling into his chest after Dex left, but now that he’s back, Fitz is filled with the kind of longing that doesn’t want him to leave again. 

    “Thank you,” Fitz mumbles as he squeezes Mr. Snuggles so hard it takes a few seconds to return to its original shape. 

    Dex smiles. “Like I said, let me know if you need anything.”

    “Likewise,” Fitz replies. “Although my capabilities might be a touch more limited at the moment.”

    Well, that’s an understatement of the century. 

    Dex leaves without further comment, and Fitz settles himself down into his pillows, clutching Mr. Snuggles close to his chest, the familiar soft fabric a comfort to his otherwise aching muscles. 

    He’s almost drifted off into sleep when Keefe saunters into his room, apparently brought in by the power vacuum left in Dex’s absence. 

    And then his gaze lands on Mr. Snuggles sticking out from under the covers. The unrestrained joy as he wrestles Mr. Snuggles from Fitz’s dazed grasp is refreshing to see after knowing there’s been so many weeks that Keefe has been in such a dismal state. 

    Less refreshing is him parading Mr. Snuggles around and yelling through the entirety of the tree houses of Alluveterre. “You guys have to see this!”

    Unmapped stars, have mercy on me.

[st-dorothy-minority]

Fic Writing & Fandom Nostalgia

To any/all that checked out my HH fic "You Didn't Know," I want to sincerely thank you. I loved writing every bit of it and sharing it. Reading the comments brought me so much joy. Seriously, I got so giddy seeing a new email come through with a comment!

If you read the latest chapter shortly after I posted it, you may have missed the note I added saying it was going into an indefinite hiatus. I'm calling it quits on writing. (Maybe for now, maybe forever)

I go through periods where I want to "burn it all down" because I get caught up in the comparison game. My writing isn't as good or creative as other authors. I never get as much attention or comments as other authors, and I have nowhere near the popularity level of artists. I think of all the ways my writing sucks and "why didn't I come up with *that* idea? They're so good (author or artist), why do I even bother putting out my stuff? No one would notice if I just disappeared and stopped posting."

I've been working on my tumultuous relationship with fic and fandom in therapy (yes, it's embarrassing to have to explain what fandom/fic is to your therapist 😅), and what I've found at the core is the longing for connection. I keep thinking it will happen, that I'll connect with a reader (or readers), or that I'll get more comments in order to make said connections happen (and receive the validation I am unfortunately conditioned to need), and when it doesn't happen, there's significant disappointment and feelings of worthlessness.

I haven't seen people talk about this, but the way people engage in fandom is so different than it was when I first started 2 decades ago. Back then, there were limited sites people would post to (livejournal, fanfiction.net, and DeviantArt being the main 3 imo), so there was more opportunity to really get to know others. You had your own little communities and friendships formed beyond the centralized community and it spilled over into people's personal LJ's and even the exchange of phone numbers. People left comments regularly on art and fic alike.

Now, there are so many sites to post on, so many more people in fandom (especially with it being more "acceptable" nowadays), and it's much easier to just leave a like/kudos and move on to the next thing rather than staying and engaging. Of course, there are some people who make a name for themselves in a particular fandom and have their regulars who engage, but for the most part - people just don't put in the same kind of effort to engage with the work/creator as they did when I was just starting out. And reading a fic? That takes a lot of effort!! So I can see why fanarts gets way more likes and reblogs than a fic because there's more time that has to be invested to read rather than just look and like.

I miss when I had fandom friends and how we all kind of knew each other. I miss genuine connection. I miss sharing my interests with someone who loves it like I do and will geek out with me.

If any of this resonated, I'm glad I'm not alone 😅💜 just something that has really been on my mind and needed to get it out.

[kitpanthera]

i'm back 🎉

just because of how long this is going to be, i'll break it up every few chapters. i'm going in order from the beginning, but something may come up later about earlier chapters that i didn't realize until then. as usual, thanks for the response and no pressure to answer any/all of them! some of these aren't questions, but i included them anyway.

this is for chapters 1-4 because i need a break from writing stuff down

- why did bill pick dipper instead of mabel? did he think dipper would be easier to manipulate (no friends or supportive family, looking for external validation) or just because dipper found the journal?

- was bill watching the pines twins before dipper found the journal/they arrived in gravity falls? if so, does that mean he's aware of what the twins went through back in piedmont? very curious to know how far his "all knowingness" really is. i assumed it was more limited than he says since he uses eyes or replicas of himself to see into their dimension.

- did he wait until after dipper found it to introduce himself or is that when he got the idea to do it?

- is the journal being distorted in the first dream because dipper can't remember the exact phrasing (since he only looked it over once) or bill messing with it so dipper couldn't look at the warnings while with him?

- dipper pointing to a trail that off the regular path,,, one that's muddy and not many people have gone down since it's not a regular trail,,, dipper and Mabel arguing while ON THE PATH,,, dipper stepping over sharp things in his way,,, i know what you are

- the journal not appearing in the next dream, is that a way of showing the wedge bill is already driving between dipper and the journal?

- was bill always going to appear to dipper that night or did he just do it because of the milk and vanilla warding off bad dreams? he is delayed when appearing (he makes a show of arriving the first time and then is usually already there when dipper appears after this) -- was that from the milk or just him getting the timing off?

- if bill knows what the journal says, why is still leaning into flattery when talking to dipper? is he sticking with that BECAUSE it's what the journal says or because he doesn't know any other way to manipulate people?

- dipper giving bill the cheat on how dipper's been beating him the whole time,,, i'm sure that means nothing.

- i love how bill's description of his split with the author is phrased to make dipper assume bill was stopping the author from doing something bad when that's absolutely not what he said lol. the perks of the audience perspective!

- dipper asking if there's a universe where he didn't trust bill,,, king, you're giving yourself away too early! but it also shows how truly desperate he is for connection with another person besides mabel.

- dipper's mind being the only place he can indulge in his feelings or say things "not worth saying" says more about their home life now than i realized earlier. was dipper punished for being emotional (more toxic masculinity from his dad?) or saying things in the past?

- how much of mabel being "boy crazy" is her actually being that way vs. a result/reaction towards how their parents treat her? or the fact that she's away from them for an extended period of time for (i'm assuming) the first time ever?

- dipper comparing his situation with mabel to bill's with the author -- is this what's actually happening, dipper misunderstanding the situation, or bill just playing that up to get dipper to relate to him?

- is bill actually describing dipper instead of gideon? i don't usually think of dipper as "creepy" but 🤷‍♀️

- does dipper actually want to help mabel with her problems or does he just do it because it's expected of him? a mix of both?

- has bill actually taken anything away from his friendship with dipper or does he still view "friendships" as transactional? does he just view his relationship with dipper as an outlier?

- bill showing dipper a star dying right after mabel's problem almost results in dipper dying,,, bill almost killing shooting star in canon,,, hm.

aaaand that's just the first four chapters. i'm sure i'll be back soon with more. 😩 thanks again!

This is sincerely so exciting for me

1. Short answer, yes. Long answer? Bill saw Dipper similar to how he saw Ford: Intelligent, insecure, and isolated. Like Ford, he needed that validation, though for Dipper it was more in his identity than in his decisions. Also being a kid, these all made Bill believe Dipper was his best choice. Regardless of what was happening at home, Mabel was always secure in her personal identity, whereas Dipper needed guidance he wasn't getting. Dipper finding the journal was a happy accident that made it much easier for him to get an in with him, actually.

2. Bill has been watching them since they arrived. He was able to deduce what he was about them each from their habits and personalities, until he got closer with Dipper, then he did some rooting around in his mind to learn a bit more.

3. Sort of dream logic, he can't read what he doesn't fully remember. Bill is aware of this

4. :)

5. Sort of? Bill is keeping the journal out of his dreams to give Dipper the impression he doesn't need it.

6. Bill was always going to come to Dipper that night, regardless of what he did. The rest of the parts of this question, I have intentionally left ambiguous! :)

7. Generally, that's how Bill operates, and to him, he's showing that the Author is crazy by acting like his flattery is genuine. It's another method to get Dipper to distrust the Author.

8. Yeah, Dipper wants to trust Bill. I think some part of him knows still that he shouldn't, but he wants to, because Bill is making himself so likeable and friendly, and really everything Dipper has ever wanted in a friend. His only friend being his sister has made him feel alone and outcast.

9. It's not that he's been punished, per se, but he's been constantly dismissed and/or belittled for standing up for himself or expressing upset, because to feel he has to stand up for himself or to get upset is to be weak and sensitive, which, toxic masculinity, his dad believes is wrong for a guy.

10. Mabel's boy crazy phase is natural, but it's exacerbated by her freedom. Their parents are a bit of helicopter parents, and Stan's style of childcare is so much more hands-off (but to her, unlike their dad), and it gives her freedom to actually pursue boys without being told that boys don't like being pursued, or that she's too young to date (both things she hears at home). She's kinda boy crazier since Stan allows her to be.

11. It's a bit of both, actually! Bill is intentionally leading Dipper, and Dipper is misreading what he's saying.

12. Nah, he's describing Gideon. Though, I remember thinking most of those adjectives would fit Dipper when I was writing it.

13. Once again, a bit of both. He wants to help, to an extent. Not to the extent he does in The Hand That Rocks the Mabel, though. He wants his advice to be listened to, not to be put in that position of doing something like breaking up with the guy for her. That's not fair; she got herself into the situation, so she should be responsible for getting herself out. But it's his place as his brother, her protector first and foremost, to help when she asks (he has been taught). This is another reason why he has a complex about his feelings not mattering - he has been taught that Mabel's feelings always come first because she's a girl.

14. At this point (chapters 1-4) he is using and manipulating Dipper. It's all transactional.

15. :)

[literaticat]

Thanks for guiding us! Lately, we've heard about the need/desire for shorter middle grade. What about chapter books and illustrated chapter books to help fill the gaps? Have you heard anything publishers want concerning chapter books? Thanks!

I'm sorry that I have to start with some background intel, forgive me if you already know this but if I don't explain it all the way, there will be more questions from other folks!

First, some definitions: Early Reader books (very thin, often "leveled" or marked with an actual reading 1-4 reading difficulty level emblazoned on the front, like Frog and Toad, or any I Can Read book, LOTS of white space on the page, few words, illustrations on every page) are specifically for very young kids... say, 3-5 years old-ish?... who are just starting out with reading, still sounding out words, etc. Chapter Books (what the publishing industry calls chapter books - almost always series, always illustrated but usually B&W, may have some pages without illustrations, still plenty of white space on the page but more "story" than ER books, like June B Jones or Magic Treehouse or Ivy and Bean) are specifically for young kids (6-8-ish) who are just becoming fluent readers. Middle Grade books are for kids 8-12 who are confident independent readers.

Now, some history: In the Middle Grade sphere, the trend in the past decade or so has been for longer, more sophisticated, the "big chonkers" if you will. But more recently, as post-pandemic kids reading levels have taken a nosedive and fewer kids are reading for fun, people have realized that those Big Chonkers are not necessarily appealing to kids who a) have shorter than ever attention spans, b) aren't used to reading long books and in some cases CAN'T read them or just don't want to, c) aren't used to reading books for fun, ETC.

Hence, why the call recently for shorter MG books (and if long, than quite "zippy" with shorter chapters), more highly illustrated MG books, hybrid GN/MG books, younger/easier MG books. Early readers and chapter books have always stayed the same, but MG has gone more sophisticated and left the younger/less reading-confident part of the demographic behind, so that's where the gap in the market is. Another word for these books is "Hi-Lo" -- high interest level, low reading level.

So all of that lengthy background is just to say, the thing is, chapter books, etc, already exist in a relatively bountiful way, the publishers that publish those books will continue to publish them, no problemo. But people aren't talking about them much or actively seeking them out... because they are already there. The problem is, that they don't fill the gap or take the place of the younger/shorter/easier MG, because chapter books are typically geared toward early elementary kiddos.

A 9 or 10 year old who isn't a great reader still wants to read something that is FOR THEM, not something babyish for a 6 year old! ;-)

In other words, if you are writing chapter books, cool, go for it; but no, nobody is really talking about them per se. I haven't heard much of anything new regarding chapter books in... ever, actually, because the chapter book market is just its own stable regular thing. It's a smaller market because fewer publishers do them; it's a narrow age range, and kids age out of it quickly, so you don't see deals for them quite as often as MG or other kinds of kids books, but they can and do sell. As it has always been, publishers like there to be a strong high-concept "hook" and/or extremely voicey central character(s), chapter books are usually sold in series so I would suggest writing the entirety of one book and then having some ideas for possible follow-up books, etc. There are loads of posts on here about chapter books (click the hashtag below for more)! Good luck!

[toxicanonymity]

You once said something about the incongruity between how you might feel about a particular Joelkemon and how popular he is. How do you manage the anxiety that the next chapter of a story might not be what you wanted it to be? I'm juggling three or four series and someone said they liked one (holy shit! Someone else liked it! Tee hee) of them and asked me for a part two (which I was gonna do anyway) but now I'm writing it and it's killing me that this might not be as good or as well characterized (and maybe I just needed to toss this into the brothel where my man NW can share with me a new strain and we can fuck the publishing-day scaries away).

Also no, I don't think my regular writing has such Thomas Hardy-esque (read fucking long ass) sentences lol. Actually, if you need to call me something...that... Thomas Hardy-esque. I probably deserve that lmao.

LMAO night walks has a strain for everything.

Ok Thomas Hardy anon, I'll let you in on my secret, which is having a pretty bad track record at predicting what will and won't be a hit, to the point where anxiety about it is meaningless. IDK how many times I've thought "this is too much, no one's gonna be into this lol oh well" and people were more into it than other stuff. or "why am I ruining this with ___ and i cant stop myself?" and I still did it bc it felt right for the character and the ___ is like people's favorite part. On the flip side there have been follow-up fics where I thought it was hot but it felt like most people just stopped reading the series lol like night walks late night dip (but he kinda recovered with the next one). I guess it's most important that it feels right to you. I know if I don't like something I can scrap/start over or overhaul it into one I really like before sharing. And if it's just not happening, maybe he doesn't wanna be written, the key thots might come easier some other time, like when I least expect it and often when I'm trying to work on something else 😐 but then it feels so right 🤡

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 3 Tatarigoroshi pt. 6

I just realized I should be easier to get by random jumpscares. Without really intending to I lean closer to my screen when interesting stuff is happening, or I'm trying to deduce what's going on in whatever I'm experiencing. Yet for some reason scare chords and jumpscares very rarely get me. Instead I'll make panicked yelps and other embarrassing noises over stuff like Elden Ring. Cause a guy moved slightly weirdly off screen and it spooked me.

I had to make a brief foray back into the remake art style for this. I quite like Rena's angry face in that art style. They both have their pluses and minuses for sure, but I kind of like the remake art style more than the clean anime look of the console version. They both have slightly different details when you really look at them, but I just find that the art from the remake version (the one that comes regular with the Steam/GOG release) is a more detailed higher quality art. The console art that I've been using for most of chapter two and all but the last screenshots in this one looks nice, but is also less detailed. It has a more generic nice anime-esque art style, like you would see in an adaptation of Higurashi. The remake art meanwhile looks more like it's from a seinen manga series where the artist could go in and add extra little details. You get more facial expressions with the console art style, but you get a more detailed look at the characters with the remake. "But how about the original Ryukishi art style? How's that bit?" I'm sorry, you're breaking up, I'm going through a tunnel.

Getting back to the narrative though. It's nice seeing good ol' crazy eyes Rena again. Really lets you know the plot is kicking off in earnest you know? I do wonder though, I know it's the plot and it couldn't have happened otherwise, but what would have happened if Ryuugu senior didn't move back to Hinamizawa after Rena went smash happy at her new school? Would the curse of Oyashiro got her? Or would nothing much happen? You've got to imagine there's probably been people who've moved away from Hinamizawa. Also, what does she mean by "Satoshi tried to abandon Hinamizawa"? Why would he do that? Because of the cultists who were actively messing with him? Wouldn't that be a self-fulfilling prophecy if the cultists were harassing and hounding Satoshi to the point where he makes a mad dash for the border only to get swept up by Oyashiro? If he thought he was being monitored and stalked wouldn't you start to worry for the safety of your little sister? Something about this story doesn't add up. I know this is probably just some sort of deranged form of coping Rena came up with for Satoshi leaving but a lot of it doesn't feel right.

This made me feel wildly uncomfortable. That's abuser talk Mion! You can't say that sort of thing! I know I made the joke in a previous part of "Keiichi accidentally awakening the demon Mion," but I'm genuinely thinking that might be at least a little true.

I'm just going to put it out there, this one singular act of violence is actually a hell of a lot more disquieting than all of the other acts of violence and bloodshed that has happened across the other chapters. Mion's little "hey don't worry about that" just makes me very distrusting of her. Which I'm sure is the point entirely.

Another quick little run down regarding Oyashiro's curse. I know back in the day when these were coming out there were probably months between chapters (I need you to know every time I write chapter my mind autopilots to episode, and it's a constant struggle to keep the terminology correct) so you need a refresher for your audience. But for me a magnificent spaceman from the far-flung future who has all of the episodes available at once I kind of roll my eyes at the constant reminders of "this is the curse and what it do."

She says that it's to protect Satoko and Rena's mental wellbeing, but clearly what happened with Satoshi also weighs pretty heavily on Mion as well. She's deflecting, trying to appear more mentally sound and put together than the other two by putting her own insecurities on them.

Insert the curb your enthusiasm theme here. Incidentally the song is called Frolic, by Luciano Michelini

[onlyjaeyun]

i know no one asked for this but i really don’t get why people have been saying you did CH dirty or that you‘re lazy.

i really don‘t think people understand that you are as a women with a job/occupation spending your free time writing for FREE on an app for everyone to read. like you don‘t even have to do this but still here you are with many works that i personally and a lot of other people really enjoyed.

i don‘t think they get that them thinking you did bad is relevant. like everyone has different tastes and that‘s ok if you didn‘t like it which you don‘t have to then don‘t.

but telling someone who obviously struggles with people telling them that their work, they put a lot of effort in, is bad (which i completely understand since it seem ppl don‘t know how to give proper constructive criticism) will just make everything worse.

if you have proper criticism you could nicely tell that person and that‘s it. actually considering that you post here on tumblr again for FREE and are not selling any books or wtv people have no right to criticise you at all.

i really need everyone to understand that you‘re doing this in your free time as a hobby(?) and that you have more important things in your life to do than trying to satisfy random people on the internet.

and for you babe please really don‘t get demotivated by comments like this. i can see from everything you‘ve put out that you enjoy writing and you‘re very good at it. but sometimes in situations like these it‘s better to take a break from things. i don‘t know you personally so obviously i cant and wont tell you to just stop writing but dont EVER feel bad for taking breaks or needing a few more days to post a new chapter. getting negative comments on something you genuinely enjoy doing can be the worst for someone and their mental health.

i love you baby take care <3

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!🤍 you basically wrote my thoughts down i cant lie, i could have not worded it better and agree 100%. i think a lot of readers nowadays (cough cough, younger ones) are so used to things being produced fast and in mass that they get super frustrated when you don't do something their way or to their liking and i'm like..you dont pay me a dime..you don't appreciate me at all..you see me as my content and not a regular human being with a life..go fuck yourself 😭😭

im so so so glad most of you guys arent as entitled and arrogant and demanding and rude, it's definitely so much easier when surrounef by all this love and support than this negative energy and i hope you know i appreciate you so much. thank you for your words baby i gope you have a great day 🥺🤍