#why is the ice king a twink now

[chibishortdeath]

I think I’ve misclicked trying to scroll and accidentally voted on like two polls today (X X; ).

In funnier tumblr news tho, my recommendations are filled with some random guy from Adventure Time because tumblr noticed that I tag the name Simon a lot. I keep getting excited and disappointed seeing posts talking about Simon but it’s wrong one every time lol.

[starrysharks]

i haven't watched adventure time since like 2016. why is ice king a twink now

[nooooough]

All the new Adventure Time stuff is so weird out of context, especially when I’ve only seen season 1 of the og show

Like, who the heck is Betty. And why is Ice King now a twink

[microwavedautism]

I'm seeing ALOT of adventure time on my dash lately and I have one question to ask. Why is the Ice King a twink now???

[sunmoonkunoichi]

A character study on gojou satoru (aka the jujutsu kaisetsu tag is just full of people going horny wild for this dick and I need to correct it)

Names an ultra powerful technique “red”. Genius. Inspired. Not. No matter what fancy words you put in front of it you still culminate in fucking “akai” you dick

Forcibly makes a curse hold hands with him cause he’s a queer person beyond comprehension (the man wears sunglasses inside and sluttily stands in an oversized sweater that slides off his shoulders don’t tell me otherwise) and I respect him greatly for it. Literally lured the fucker in with a smile and “come touch hands with me nothing untoward will happen I swear xx”. King shit

Sets himself up as a teacher for the sole purpose of making a peaceful revolution happen so he doesn’t have to kill every elder and get blacklisted. It’s too much work otherwise. Not the whole murder spree thing. Just being chased down would be annoying

Brings his demon child to work day for “education” but really it’s to flex and get some more hero worship. Child endangerment is not a concept, even if that child is recently resurrected. He grew back some limbs and a heart he will be fine in the heart of a volcano

Most mentors in anime hold back until a vitally important battle of life and death but gojou just wants to show his kids how cool he is!!! Will fight a demon lord for funsies. Bring out his ultimate dimension warping shit to teach a bitch a lesson. His doesn’t give a fuck

Most also down play their power so as to be ‘cool’ but he really goes around saying he could punch out the biggest bad around and only get a little tired. I would want to suplex him for being such a brat but the fucker really is that powerful god fuxking damn it

Everyone goes horny when he’s unmasked but he really just becomes like any other twink white-haired character who has/can/will be traumatised. Past trauma when anime??? I hope it explains why this man is such a bitch and why I love it otherwise the trauma has lied within me all along clearly

Knock-off kakashi who comes late everywhere and replies “places 💕” when people ask where the fuck he’s been. Same vibe as me constantly coming late to class with iced coffee, showing that I knew I was late and still went and got an overpriced beverage rather than sprint to make it. #QueerThings

Really is a gen z bastard boy who picks fights with conservative old fucks by messing with his bosses schedule and showing up just to tell this other school’s principal that the new students (that he hasn’t really taught??? I think??? But u know he will take credit) are gonna kick his ass in another few years. Why are you making threats now?? Here? Those kids are so fuxking stupid they try and kill each other before their fucked up killer sports festival even starts. None of them are thinking about overthrowing the government because none of them are political aware at all. That space is full up with rage at their prejudiced families or idol love. Please don’t trust them with this itadori’s quest in life is to swallow fingers and die he can’t focus on much more

It’s not like I miss him whenever he’s not in an episode it’s more like I worry that he’s doing some batshit crazy thing that’s gonna come up later by getting a child in severe danger. He could also be getting souvenirs but that most likely would be occurring concurrently with a very important mission so is that any better

Is good friends with an ex-salaryman with funky little glasses and an 80s leopard print tie who would aid him in overthrowing the higher ups because he too is anti-authoritarian on top of being anti-capitalist, but he is simply too horny for rules to be properly recruited 

(but this man also happens to hold the unique trait in anime which is to believe that children should not be taking risks over adults which is something gojou has no comprehension of and never will so I will automatically respect the damn salary man over the most op fucker in this show)

Deliberately placed two boys who have made some kind of suicidal save-or-kill-each-other pact right next to each other in the dorm, despite there being plenty of other rooms, well aware they’ll either fuck the feelings out or commit double homicide before the years out. Anything for the teenage drama

Basically in 9 episodes I have learnt to both hate and adore the man in turn but unlike everyone else on this hellsite I would not even be paid to fuck him because he will turn up late for his own damn orgasm and spout some bullshit before trying to immediately leave to go commit more crimes against humanity. I fuxking hate to love him

[snowflake-of-destruction]

They had hosted guests far larger in their home. Aeleus and Even’s standing weekly poker game with Cid sprang to mind. There was something about the way the man Sora had brought back with him from the Realm of Unreality sat-- chair pulled out from the table and turned sideways to make said table little more than a place to prop his elbow and set his bottle of beer, legs spread wide apart, head lolled slightly to the opposite side from the table like an overgrown bored child with three days beard growth--that made him seem too big to be allowed even though Leon was pretty sure if he stood up the man would be shorter than he was. The aura was helped along by a combination of broad shoulders and insolent confidence, assurance that taking up as much space as possible was his right.

Leon made up his mind right then that he didn’t particularly care for the blond in the ankle length off-white coat or the way his bottle green eyes bored into him like they saw through him, like this stranger from a far off world knew secrets about him and was debating whether to let Leon know or to humor him and let him keep his confidence he was good at keeping them.

“Giving me the silent treatment, Squallie?” The irreverent rumble of barely contained humor matched the rest of his attitude.

“My name is Leon.”

“Leon Leonhart? A name to inspire confidence in you from your soldiers.” He reached over, retrieved his beer, and took a sip without breaking eye contact.

“I don’t have soldiers.” Leon let out a tired sigh. “I know you have me mixed up with someone else-” Someone with a lot of eerie similarities to him, and Leon knew that couldn’t mean anything good. “-But I’m not a military commander.”

“Shame.” The stranger’s chuckle was a bit mocking, but it had a warmth like honey melting in hot tea. “Up until this point you were doing so well. Finally went through puberty at least.” He paused for a moment like he expected a response, like it was an old joke and he was setting Leon up for the punchline. It was only a couple seconds, but it seemed significant, and some of the twinkle went out of his eyes when he didn’t get the response he was clearly expecting from Leon. He continued, more matter-of-fact, “Got some height on you, filled out a bit. You don’t look like a starving dog anymore.” A different kind of softness smoothed out the planes of his face. “You grew your hair out a bit. I like it. You look like Laguna Loire.” 

The stranger let another one of those significant pauses settle and Leon waited it out, except this time the stranger snapped. “Oh, come on! I thought that would get a rise out of you for sure. You don’t need to keep up the act now that that Keybearer kid and that chocobo-looking motherfucker Zell-faced asshole are gone.” He didn’t elaborate on what act he suspected Leon of perpetuating, instead muttering about Cloud some more. “Only a chickenwuss would need a sword that big to feel tough.”

Leon crossed his arms and raised a brow, mollified and feeling calmer himself now that the visitor was losing his cool. “You swing a pretty big sword yourself.”

All at once, the tension drained out of the stranger’s shoulders and he was smiling wolfishly, raking his eyes over Leon again. “So you do remember after all, Squall.”

“Excuse me?” Leon shot for intimidatingly indignant, but only achieved squawking. He was too caught off-guard to worry about sounding like someone’s scandalized spinster aunt however.

The stranger stalled through a series of disconnected gestures, not even taking his moment of amusement from taking Leon by surprise as he put together that raising a question meant actually having to follow through and explain himself. He sighed and stretched, gave his eyes a half roll, pinched the bridge of his nose a second after and sighed again. “If you want to prove you’re not him, then take off your shirt. It’s...far from my proudest moment, but, back when I was serving the sorceress, I carved my name in his chest.” Before Leon could process, the blonde continued, though his words still fell short of reassuring. “So there was no chance of him forgetting me.”

“You don’t seem easy to forget.” Leon didn’t mean it as flirting, but the look he got back said the stranger had a different interpretation.

“You’d be surprised,” the wry answer came. “So, tell me about yourself.”

“There’s more to be gained the other way around.” That was why Sora had left their dimension-hopping guest with him and why Cloud had left them alone. Leon was the only one blondie seemed inclined to talk to, and they all wanted to know more about this time compression threat and sorceress he had mentioned to Sora.

Confusion was clearly feigned.  “What? Me telling you about what makes Squall Leon-heartless tick?”

“Heartless?” Leon echoed, latching onto the relevant information in his mind. So this ‘Seifer Almasy’ did know of the Heartless.

“The original ice king, lover of Shiva.” Seifer was wistful.

“I...He was in love with someone named Shiva?” Leon didn’t understand the relevance.

He got back a pitying look. “Oh, Squallie, you’re brand new, aren’t you?”

Sora chose that moment to make a sudden return, banging the front door open with force that nearly rocked the hinges. Walking in behind him was a teenage boy a few inches taller than he was with questionable fashion sense (midriff baring shirt, long sleeveless coat, black beanie) and a softer version of the features the man sitting at the table wore.

“Ta da!” Sora announced triumphantly. “This is who I was telling you about!”

“This homeless drifter?” the newcomer scowled. “I thought you said he was a knight.”

The man from another realm who had introduced himself as Seifer Almasy wore a matching curled lip. “Who is this twink?”

Sora beamed. “Seifer Almasy meet Seifer Almasy.”

[willpowerbutch]

Willpower Butch and the Son of God

By the Reverend Willpower Butch

We found ourselves in a dour, tangled wood, having strode excellently to the north of the ruins of London. We were safeguarding ourselves from the Homosexual by burning his nail polish and thrusting our pelvises as we walked – I, by virtue of my untrammeled virility, and Timpani Gayparade because I was repeatedly kicking his ass – for this display of breedful lumber-hauling intimidates even the most unhyperbolic Gay into hours of aesthetic crying. My un-non-sodomized companion, Paragon Shag, halted us before a gully, grimacing as he did at its detestable and wet resemblance.

“Quite Anti-Rimbauded Stoics,” spake he into the gap in the David’s pants, “were you capable of womanly regard for your environment, I should caution you now to take protective hold of your erections. For I scent among the pungent mosses a grievous concoction of defensive sarcasm, elderflower, and fear of guns.”

“No!” shouted Top-a-mée Christopherhitchens tremulously at Shag’s injunction. “That odor could only announce one thing: an Anglophilia of Transgendereds!”

No sooner had the flaccid, strawberry-incensed brat danced this were we come upon by these self-same Transgendereds. They were crudely crayoning beards and boobs onto the yearbook photos of children while singing the “Internationale” in Esperanto. And they were, without exception, slathered in a gloopy, glittery sludge.

“Alas, they have fornicated with Boy George,” Shag supposed.

“Nay,” I overruled him, speaking the truth because I am a Man, “they are the undead. See how they rise from the ground like a Gay asshole thrashing up toward Papalism. See how they have returned from Tim Curry’s House to torment their enemies.”

For, in the center of that discoing mass, there stood the trifecta of swallowing come at somebody else’s orgy and then complaining about the taste: Graham “transplanted his ass onto his face” Linehan, Germaine “spectacularly missed the point of her own life’s work” Greer, and JK “spent the nineties roleplaying a little boy and is desperately trying to deflect” Rowling.

The trifecta hailed our entourage, noting that we were not party to the Transgenders’ Dostoevskian lower bureaucrat fetish. “Help us!” they cried.

Marzipan Dostoevsky, friend of Vladimir Purina and King Gay of Sierra del Fuego. His infamous bent nose is the result of giving too much head.

Forthwith, we left them and continued on our way, crossing the border into Scotland.

As we plowed further into the wilds, we encountered a strange portal carved into the rockface of a proud spire. Drawing closer, Michael Sheen exclaimed, “This is it! The secret cavern where Franc’n’o has kidnapped God. But how may we come inside?”

There was, indeed, no discernible way through, for the doorway was a mere carving on stone. Near the top, there was a message scrawled in Scotlandenisishlatin.

The David stepped forward, the arches of his hips and back as sturdy and graceful as a yew, and his mouth as red-pink, as inviting, as absolutely forbidden as yew berries, gyrating as he read the words to himself.

“Read homo in the face of Man, and enter,” he translated for us. Turning toward me, his expression was puzzled. “Homo in the face of Man?”

“Shag,” I said frowningly, “what do you make of this?”

“Perhaps it’s a riddle. Omo represents the eyes, the ridges of the brow, and the nose in the face of Man, for facial hair is too powerful to render in this Nancy language,” Shag considered. “What we do not know is the symbolism of the ‘h.’ What could that be?”

“A cowlick?” suggested Gayparade.

“One ear?” ventured Michael Sheen.

“The tongue, sticking out?” lilted the David.

“The tongue, sticking out,” I murmured, repeating him. “Why else would Franc’n’o construct such an opening? He means for us to enact something that no Man would ever do, for the genital of the Gay is magnetized to the tongue of the Straight Man.”

My companions were much astonished at this, but also greatly impressed that I had retained so many facts about the Gay from only one drunken viewing of their episode on the Discovery Channel.

Looking between them, I could perceive the fear in their rapid flacciding. “Nay!” I shouted, mustering all my strength, “MEN!” And thus, I kicked through the doorway, sending out a shockwave that turned every blushing, pristine flower for miles into beer-soaked charcoal, scented with entitlement. And we were through.

Treading into the dark, it was several minutes before we came upon a peculiar thing. At the end of the hall was a garish, stadium-lit roller-skating rink, but unlike any we may see in the world above, for this rink was tiled with a material smoother than any quality of marble or varnished wood: twinks. Our metal-toed boots clanged as we approached, and upon this clamor, the twinks rolled around, alarmed, and like cats puffing their tails, they sprang their stiffnesses at us.

“Gentlewomen!” exclaimed the vile Franc’n’o from his throne of unsexiness. “You think that I’m greeting you to your faces, but in fact, I’m admiring your thighs!”

It was in this moment I knew that Franc’n’o had succeeded in becoming a Gay at last. And I mourned, my lords. I mourned the children unborn because Ben Whishaw and his cohort have made western Europe into a writhing accumulation of sexually ambiguous style magazine cover-shoots. I mourned that the poppy fields of yesteryear are become the pansy fields of today. And most of all, I sprayed three-in-one shampoo/conditioner/bodywash into Franc’n’o’s eyes, for this confuses the radar of the Homosexual.

Notwithstanding this, Franc’n’o pounced. And, like a quietly imposing youth who always sits alone at the bar and vanquishes toxic masculinity by making engaged straight men curious about bottoming, his fierce countenance froze me to the spot. But just when all hope seemed lost, there emerged a shot a pearly white from behind him, disintegrating the villain into innumerable molecules of coming-of-age movie nosebleeds.

At first, I could not make out the source of this blast through the shimmering dust of a thousand twinks vanishing back into the realm of the fae. But as they dissipated in the air, I saw him directly. He was a titan of a Man, impossibly contoured, possessing flawless bronze skin and a statuesque comportment. He had hair that no beauty appliance had homosexed, and yet it was both as firm and as silken as victory garlands. He beckoned Shag and me to him, and when he spoke in his engorging baritone, it was a language otherworldly and supreme, far too masculine to pass the lips of any mortal man.

Gesturing to me, he boomed, “У него толко серп, но у меня большой молот.” And then, he turned toward a large set of doors, and we could only infer that he meant for us to follow. We passed into another long, dark hallway, which culminated in a yet larger portal which emitted an indescribable glow. “Зови меня капитаном подлодки, потому что я углубляюсь,” he spoke again and urged us inside.

We were blinded altogether, so bright was that interior. Droplets rose to Shag’s eyes and to my hardness. A voice still deeper, still richer, still more impossible accosted us. “Do not fear, my good Men,” it said. “This is my Son, whom mortals have met before. He returns to you rebranded as his true form, and his name is Panzer Dzheesaskrist.”

Dimly, I made out the irresistible figure who had addressed us. At once, all was clear. Such a vision met me, my indomitable brothers with extreme personal space, that I shall remember and love forever: it was God, the Manliest Man of all.

About the Author

The Reverend Admiral Willpower Butch, who recently topped the human race by releasing God from a pervert’s Scottish underground fetish athletic studio, is hard at work on his petition to remove fruit from public markets on the basis that it is gay propaganda. Paragon Shag, his brave correspondent and roommate, is coming out with a line of deconstructed cars to raise money for Brothers In The Comintern Have Enlarged Scrota, an anti-communist mission. Their secretary and Russian fairytale character who gets no dialogue, Dead Summer Days, is treading on thin f*cking ice with his decision to start wearing sweatpants.

[123abcdrawwithme]

all spg albums poorly described by me bc i can

album one: steam man band: michael reed voice: GUYS HOLY HECK LOOKIT MY ROBOT FRIEMDS THEIR SO COOL OHMA G AD clockwork vaudeville: now when you say you bought yourself a pickle- sound of tomorrow: the jons audible lenny face as he says “in the nude” on top of the universe 2009 ver.: RABBIT FUCKED A TOASTER AND UPGRADE KILLED THE SPINE THE GIRLS ARE OFF THE SHITS on top of the universe 2011 ver.: alternate timeline where the jon and rabbit kill the spine and deny him ice cream i am not alone: poor one out for upgrades 1 (one) song, shes trying her best ice cream parade: i don’t even know where to begin with this one brass goggles: LOCAL ROBOS ARE FEELING EMO SO THEY HAVE A SING ALONG out in the rain: splish splash they was havin’ a bash electricity is in my soul: okay but whomst the hell is that electronic voice who sings the “la la’s”? serious question who tf is it???? steam man band reprise: michael reed voice: GUYS MY COOL ROBO FRIENDS ARE GETTING AN ENCORE HOLY HECKIE blind minstrel’s ballad: ominous captain albert alexander: listen,,,, he beat spider hulk in an arm wrestling match,,,, hes really cool,,,,,, the 2¢ show: steamboat shenanigans: some say they sang so hard they really did make it to the moon and across the stars ;) one-way ticket: CHU CHU I LOVE U ju ju magic: jonathan giraffe what tHE FUCK ARE YOU SINGING ABOUT HONEY? ARE YOU OKAY? me and my baby (saturday night): the spines a hopeless romantic and he loves to treat his girl and his siblings support him little birdie: jon makes friends with a bird or some shit idfk rex marksley: the spines a hopeless romantic and sings about his cowboy crush and his siblings support him automatonic electronic harmonics: they want to feel cool,, let them feel cool,, prelude to a dream: hey michael i thought you were supposed to be the human friend whats all this about not being a human being?? mike? m-mike?? make believe: FUCK SOCIETY, TRANS RIGHTS BITCHES *EPIC KAZOO SOLO* honeybee: ah yes that one song we won’t ever let them forget bc were all emo scary world: the morse code says spoopy the suspender man: rabbit voice: yeah theres this guys who sold his soul or whatever how fucked up was that, anyway i want to wear a dress :3c that’ll be the way home: THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL THAT’LL the ballad of lily: oh boi we about to have another character song on this album airheart: character song 2 electric boogaloo circuitry: y’all good? mk iii: curtain raiser: beebop voice: STEVETHY SOMEONES TRYING TO PLAY THE ALBUM   steve voice: oh fuck steam powered giraffe: HEHE NAME DROP mecto amore: this is some rabbits in love again shit but with WHAMST hatch fever: hatchy is here and the album version does not capture how feral hatchworth performed this on stage a way into your heart: spg as a whole @ their fans: we love you all so much thank you for the support over the years :) <3 me through tears: bitch,,,,, <3 ghost grinder: rabbit and the boys on their way to the graveyard at 3 am to party with rabbits dead gf please explain: i stg everytime i hear hatchy sing “gum in my gears” i think he’s saying something else and i’m sure you can fill in the blank, but the thing that gets me is thats so on brand for him to say dsfdfg she said maybe: rabbit is just young old dumb and full of love these days isn’t she? go spine go: almost 6 minutes of hatchworth and rabbit being two year olds and poking fun at spine roller skate king: everyone sleeps on how good this song is wtf i’ll rust with you: me knowing full well this song is about rabbit outliving her gfs throughout the decades bc shes a robot: oh,, so thats why theres so many love songs by rabbit on this album,,, rabbit you good?? wired wrong: the spine you good?? fancy shoes: hATCHWORTH YOU GOOD??? steam powered giraffe reprise: we interrupt your regularly scheduled robot angst hours with that good weeb shit™ turn back the clock: okay back the robot angst bleak horizon: our lovelys saying goodbye saying they’ll be back to bring smiles on our faces soon as we close out to some ominous as fuck shit teasing vice quadrant the vice quadrant: the vice does tight: okay so the vice quadrants fucked up and the robots are very concerned by this on a crescendo: ominous foreshadowing thats so ominous i had to look up what this song meant lore wise bc i just thought it was the robots just dancing and having fun steamjunk: my dear sweet honey darling is traveling through space and I’M WORRIED ABOUT HIM starburner: low-key robo angst bc their worried about their souls being damned or some shit but its cute  progress and technology: david YOUR RANGE wink the satellite: wink voice: YOU WAS MY BABY MY FUCKIN CINNAMON APPLE burning in the stratosphere: oh fire fire: this is the most haunting shit i have no joke for this sky sharks: hoo boi the sky sharks certainly won’t be killing us all today, but climate change sure will daughter of space: PREBBY SPACE GODDESS HNNNGNNGNG star valley night: honeys you know you can just wait for it to be night time right? then you can go play in the star valley at night- commander cosmo: BITCH YOU GOOD? where is everyone?: THERE SHE IS MY BABY gg the giraffe: MY DARLIIIIINNGGG SING IT HONEY  the pulls: wink my darling y’all ok? soliton: corpse man and space goddess sing a really nerdy analogy about love and its gorgeous where i left you: wink seriously are you okay? over the moon: rabbits just done but shes gotta sing it and go all out with how done she is bc shes extra it’s cosmic: is the “alright!” rav?? also is this love song supposed to represent them causing more fuckshit and destroying the universe and just not realizing it bc their in love?? idfk man it bops hold me: whether from the perspective of holly or rabbit i weep openly at this song the speed of light: david: this is where the astronaut turns evil won’t tell you why tho ;) literally every lore buff: *listens to this song and tries to theorize wtf happened* rav to the rescue: local green space twink rescues his space bf more at 11 starlight starshine: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO the space giant: three steampunk robots fight a giant starbaby in guitar hero to save a satellites crush; a planet thats a huge apple i have zero jokes for this is already too absurd  oh no: oh OH OH? O H. OOOH OH??????????? o  h... oh no.... necrostar: evil pissrock possessed evil dead guy and is ready to cause fuckshit while the robots sing about how scared they are at the end super space blaster centi-asteroid invaderpedes 2: cute interactions with the robots! i hate this title tho whale song: wholesome shit to distract you from all the lore and foreshadowing at the end Music from steamworld heist:  automatonic electronic harmonics, on top of the universe, electricity is is my soul, honeybee, and brass goggles: me minding my own business playing steamworld heist: *walks into a bar where spine rabbit and hatchworth are performing one of these songs* me: HOOOOOGH heist ho!: yeah thats piper for ya starscrap: hi i’m in love for rabbit? prepare for boarding: GET IN BITCHES WE’RE GONNA OVER THROW THE PATRIARCHY  the red queen: capitalism? demolished. what we need are some heros: the spine projecting his love for cowboys onto the player characters the vast frontier: hatchworth: I’M A BAD BITCH YOU CAN’T KILL ME the stars: they made it lads they made it over the moon and across the stars.... also how’d they keep singing for that long aren’t they tired? quintessential: malfunction: wow i can’t believe spg ended transphobia i don’t have a name for it: love? i guess??gd fgdsghfdg blue portals: the idea of hatchworth going through the blue portals when i know they’re made out of blue matter is terrifying  overdrive: they want to seem cool please play along and pretend their green screen work is cool the ballad of delilah morreo: this came right the fuck out of nowhere but fuck its here now and its fantastic love world of love: wonder what other balboa park songs they’ll bring back, like never gonna give you up :) only human: i’d die for you hatchy salgexicon: they deadass wrote a song about their dnd campaign  sleep evil sleep: i guess we’re all evil BC WE KEEPING SLEEPING ON HOW GOOD THIS SONG IS TOO photographic memories: walter worker chelsea? come get ur mans- leopold expeditus: hatchworth: hey guys checkout my fursona dream machine: this song keeps me up at night with the endING I JUST WANT RABBIT TO BE HAPPY AND ARTSY BUT THE WAY IT ENDED WITH THE VICE QUADRANT RELATED TEASER MAKES ME THINK RABBIT PICKED UP A SATELLITE FREQUENCY FROM WINK ABOUT HOW NECROSTAR WILL KILL RAV IN THE FUTURE DEADASS I’M NERVOUS WHAT HAPPENED

[gayregis]

im at that stage of fatigue from the day where i’m so tired the fanfiction is writing itself in my mind theough dialogue but i’m too insanely tired to sit down and write it all out and i work a shift in the morning too so i dont even have time ... so ill forget everything come morning

[[MORE]]

psych, ima try to outline it rn

this is after a little sacrifice and also after season of storms and takes place in cidaris (im not clear on if kerack is the capital so season of storms dealt with the proper king of cidaris or if it was just a local kingship but im hcing that cidaris is also a capital city as well as the region/nation).

this is geralt and dandelion going to the grape festival mentioned in a little sacrifice btw

main goal for this is to basically give dandelion more depth and address his identity issues and backstory and just how his character is in general

valdo marx (as far as i am headcanoning in terms of appearance right now) is of course , also a twink and they have similar builds but valdo isnt as skinny as dandelion because he has access to three full meals every day. he has dark brown hair and green eyes, and i might give him the same hair and beard as dandelion from tw3 just to spite cdpr. he used to sport green/purple doublets as an independent artist, but now as the reaident troubadour of cidaris, he’s adopted their emblatic colors (blue and white) and wears a doublet with a sash of these colors. he doesn’t have poofy sleeves, instead he has these ruffs and like... bellbottom sleeves. also this method of embellishing clothes that i learned from a glamour video (it’s @ 4:30ish) called slashing is applicable to his outfits. i think he veers away from tights unlike dandelion, so he wears more breeches than anything. he doesn’t have detailed embroidery like dandelion, but rather patterned/quilted areas with silver and some small pearls added for decoration in these sections as well.

so geralt and valdo have to be placed together somehow in a conversation. basically he wants to #expose dandelion for being a fraud... but he’s not doing it out of Pure Evil, he’s (vaguely) kind of like the lodge of sorceresses in which it’s like, he is only wanting things to be done his way because really he thinks it’s the best way to do things. he’s really a victim of academia, he would be someone that supports the fact that instruments are like $1,000 each.

basically he and dandelion were classmates at oxenfurt and at first hit it off very well and shared notes and thoughts and sexual partners and all was splendid. but they got competitive and valdo HATES that dandelion does NOT come from a family known for music or any kind of art. basically dandelion is a novus homo, but in the world of music, and valdo comes from an established family which has been musically inclined for generations. he feels that ppl like dandelion just wanna go to oxenfurt for shits and giggles and dont take this opportunity seriously because theyre too blinded by their own arrogance to actually learn anything. and he may be right in regards to a lot of other children of wealthy noble families that attend oxenfurt. but dandelion’s case was different and this he does not like to admit. also he hates how dandelion is... inclined to... a life of debauchery... because he feels he perpetuates stereotypes of artists being good for nothing penniless drunkards and lechers, and makes it harder for Real Professionals from Actual Lineage to get a job. also he has a disdain for how dandelion really wanted to travel and admired the “musicians of the world” that never attended some fancy college, and again valdo sees this as him not appreciating the opportunity he was given, because all you ever need to interact with is this little 1 mile by 1 mile square of oxenfurt, and not even the whole city, just the college. also when valdo tells all this to geralt he goes give him a judgemental up and down look like... “julian loves meeting, writing about, and... ahem... fraternizing with... all kinds of ... people.” (he was gonna say “trash,” but geralt has swords and cats eyes, so valdo swallowed that last word). ALSO ALSO valdo thinks dandelion is further destroying the sanctity of academic places like oxenfurt by training good for nothings from other nobody families, like essi daven, who was actually from a noble family but one not too rich because it was kind of distant from the ruling family. and since she threw a fit they let her do her own thing instead of marrying her off.

also valdo is like “julian— ahem, ... ‘dandelion,’ as you know him... i don’t know why he uses that absurd little nickname,” because he just finds the idea of a pseudonym stupid (since hes from a famous musical family of course he wants to highlight his lineage). and again he dislikes how dandelion is Corrupting Others by not only mentoring essi at oxenfurt, but training her in an “unorthodox fashion,” ie they just duet and talk shit about random stuff and he advises her weird things like “get a cool fake name so all the girls have something to scream as you go on stage”

as they interact with each other, valdo and dandelion actually are kind of opposite of dandelion and essi. they dont throw ANY snide remarks and keep it all under wraps with just pleased smiles and then as soon as theyre out of earshot (a long way for bards) theyre like “i am going to take the replacement strings of my lute and choke the lights out of that tone-deaf idiot” ... geralt is like 😳 to see aggression in dandelion and hes a bit intimidated at first but then is like Bro Are you Fucking Okay ????? Because its so unnatural for dandelion to be Actually Upset about something and not be ok within half a day

scene where dandelion is staring at the mirror and geralt is like you have been staring at the mirror for a long time, even by your standards... dandelion is like “i have to change something... geralt, look at me. look at me. (says it again bc geralt didnt look up the first time). if you could change one thing about my face, what would it be?” and geralts obviously like “nothing.” and dandelions like dont be fucking difficult just tell me i need to know i need your opinion and geralt is like that IS my opinion i sincerely like your face the way it is. something something blah blah blah tenderness geralt says smth like dandelion you have a lot of loyal fans okay...... and hes trying to refer to himself but he doesnt wanna say it aloud

i think something about dandelion talking about who he was (basically referring to “julian” in the 3rd person) and just very uncharacteristically self-loathing but them he pops back into his little arrogant self ... basically he covers that everyone Fucking Laughed at him for wanting to sing but he did it and now he’s the best and also, sexy. in this whole scene (same scene as last bullet point) he is also saying that he needs to “prove himself” and geralt is just like What More Can You Do, You Are Literally Famous... but dandelion is just pensive about it

also he says something like “theres two versions of me... julian with a dream who nobody knows, and dandelion who’s famous and loved.” and geralts like “theres three.” “three?” “there’s also dandelion, the one i know, who, it doesn’t matter if he’s famous or what, because i just like him and enjoy his company.” BECAUSE i dont know how not to be blunt and not hit my readers over the head with what i wanted to get across. geralt is a blunt man however so i think its acceptable to do this

basically this fic is “dandelion can have little a OOCness for character development”

tbh its not too ooc (hopefully) bc hes not like downright depressed, hes just pensive, like he is when hes trying to think of a good title or rhymes and nothing is working. nothing is working! hes frustrated!!!

i have nooooo idea how to resolve this conflict ive introduced. i think valdo and dandelion have to sing a duet together and it is like skating on thin ice with sharks underneath . MAYBE valdo gets possessed by,, something? not a demon bc IVE HAD ENOUGH GOETIA AFTER SEASON OF STORMS but you know An Entity, and dandelion is like wow this is an improvement!! and geralts like no it isnt, now i have to exorcise this fucker

also throughout this i think that the king and queen of cidaris (maintaining that kerack isnt the capital and is just another kingship within the nation) looooveveeveveeee dandelion and his presence and are like oh dandelion you are always welcome in our court :) which also totally pisses valdo off because its like dandelion came into his work/home and fucked both of his bosses and is trying to steal their loyalty through Sexual Appeal. which. may ring true. but dandelion does stuff for fun and not for manipulation soooo valdo is a little wrong in thinking dandelion is manipulating them. and this also adds to valdos resentment of dandelion for being so promiscuous and also writing about his love affairs bc he feels it detracts from The Art...

basically this fic is also me telling academia and ppl who feel art should be limited to a certain crowd to go stuff it cause no one cares and creativity and learning is only human of anyone. also an excuse to give dandelion character depth and also an excuse to break how geralt is always the gloomy one and dandelion has to cheer him up, i think though they do have their strong personalities, relationships should ideally go both ways in terms of emotional support so it shows geralt has the capacity to support a dandelion with festering anger and personal identity problems. also a way for geralt to learn a little abt dandelions backstory without learning/spoiling the fact that hes a v*scount and actually noble and wealthy (they just refer to his family as being wealthy enough to pay for oxenfurt which is significant but not astounding)

[autumnsidhe]

Answer all the things

D&D Ask Meme

ah fuck. i can’t believe you’ve done this.everything’s going under a read more b/c it’s gonna be long as all fuck

2. Your favorite character that someone else has played.ollie……….. little shit idiot i love him? he and james are both anarchist dumbass but in different ways. brothers in arms.

3. Your favorite side quest.oh christ. there’s no real particular side quests but my fave side plot in general is what i’ll summarise as “alora is a rat bastard.”

alora met a hot rich socialite guy who seemed really into her and she decided she was gonna play the long con on him b/c he might be useful

she and james both agreed to side w/ king clockwork, but when the king actually mentioned it alora gave james a Look™ and he was mad as fuck. he’s still kinda mad as fuck

she decided to be pals w/ a main antagonist (gluto) and didn’t tell us until days after it happened that he’d talked to her in his dreams

alora was told to not tell anyone abt the repugnant’s secret organisation. she immediately spilled the info to everyone

she was told to not mention the organisation’s meeting or anything that went on there. she immediately spilled the info to the motley and literally sent us a photo of the repugnant on his throne speaking to everyone

she was told to keep a specific person away from castle repugnant. she let him waltz right up to the castle w/ everyone else and seemed confused when they said he couldn’t go in

she broke into somewhere w/ gluto and then left him in a room full of very important documents b/c she somehow didn’t think taking him there to begin w/ wouldn’t backfire

the last thing james said to her was literally “i take it back, you’re a stupid shit idiot and i hate you”

4. Your current campaign.random sideplots get to go here this time! most of them are james or ollie b/c we interact the most w/ npcs

james and galant romance sideplot and the sheer amount of wild scenes that have happened as a result (the date, le fway showing up, addy’s dating advice, “ollie, you’re pretty ignorant”, “so you killed your boyfriend”)

ash coaches a baseball team

ollie tries to handle pink drugs, fails to provide any evidence that he’s not the cause

alora helps the repugnant, always immediately regrets it b/c he’s a little bastard man

the gang trying to figure out what’s going on w/ the repugnant’s amnesia

james accidentally making friends w/ a black spiral dancer and being heavily in denial abt why cylus probably got so attached to begin w/ (hint: it’s the anarchy and the horrid rebellious streak)

james nearly sides w/ the main antagonist b/c he’s got the right idea but his methods are fucked

ollie goes to fairy prison, makes friends w/ a vampire and some old sidhe, is currently in the middle of trying to break out

5. Favorite NPC.unfortunately it might be cylus? cylus is like 6 levels of batshit at any given moment and was introduced to us as a nameless dangerous prisoner that galant was holding for some sort of treaty? and james and addy were told to not listen to him for any reason and to not let him free. and of course james let him free. he shifted into a giant 9ft-ish tall war form and then james realised he was really in over his head. upside: he went back in his cell afterwards. downside: he got attached to james. also downside: james didn’t actually get warned that he was a dangerous war criminal until after all this went downthen cylus literally showed up in james’ dream to tell him a few things and warn him that he was planning to escape? and there was nothing james could do b/c “i heard it in a dream” isn’t exactly a solid claim esp when he doesn’t have any sort of future sight. and of course cylus broke outthen james ran into him in the dreaming and james was losing his mind the entire time b/c cylus is an absolute freak and james was stuck walking w/ him for like 2 hours. then like an hour after they parted ways james got flung into a ditch on the edge of town (in the real world) and cylus carried an unconscious james like a sack of potatoes into waffle house and just let him sleep on the table for a bit. then like 3 days later cylus broke into his apartment and made him breakfast.and then james got flung out into the middle of nowhere again for reasons and cylus was there and james had the choice of dealing w/ cylus or being horribly lost in the woods so he chose the first one. and he nearly got caught in the middle of a big werewolf fight that cylus orchestrated. and also nearly got caught in some extremely violent family drama.throughout all of this cylus is acting like he’s james’ best friend and last time they spoke cylus really wanted to do buddy cop stuff! they’re pals! totally! and james wants absolutely none of it but he can’t explode on him b/c he’s a skinny little twink and cylus could snap him like a twig w/ no effort

to summarise:

6. Favorite death (monster, player character, NPC, etc).we actually haven’t had many deaths! the only ones i can think of in game that aren’t random monsters were the old bastard and nor nan, which. were both interesting in their own ways, but nor nan’s was mostly tragic and i don’t wanna get feelsy so i’ll just use the old bastard here.to set the scene: we’re at a fancy party. ash and marike (an npc, he’s an unseelie lord and overall a hell of a time) are off on their own trying to catch chimerical creatures that stole their weapons. marike curbstomps one, meanwhile the other has climbed up onto a curtain rod. the place has really high ceilings. his solution? pick up ash and toss him at the creature. ollie and the old bastard (who owns the house) walk in just as this is happening, and the old bastard sees ash tear down the curtain rod for no damn reason. of course he demands answers. ash tries to bullshit a story abt an entire family of raccoons they were trying to chase outthen the old bastard gets shot in the head. ollie and marike are splattered w/ blood. he hits the ground, ash makes a joke abt “telling his wife the bad news”then he notices his wife is the one who just shot him

7. Your favorite downtime activity.the entire arc’s taken place over the course of 15 days in-game, including downtime. we haven’t had any specific downtime activities per say, but the best moment we’ve had during downtime was when ollie broke into james’ apartment and now he refuses to let ollie anywhere near his apartment complex

8. Your favorite fight/encounter.i’ll stick to generally hostile meetings for this since we’ve only a small handful of solid fights? but it’s either “james nearly dies” or “ollie is a good distraction”

to set the scene for the first one: the hospital chimerically burnt down, so the motley decided to investigate and sneaked in as janitors. james ended up alone down in the morgue after finding a body covered in chimerical burns getting wheeled down there. he checks it out, takes a couple photos on his phone. then the door opens.james starts cleaning and stuff, but it turns out the person who came in (gluto!) was also a changeling and very easily noticed the fact that he’s got really noticeable pointy ears in his fae mien. and of course he starts threatening james. and after he pulls out a massive scythe. james sends everyone an sos but they all get stuck in the elevator. so james pulls a gun in a fucking hospital. and he gets called on the bluff but before he can put it away, in bursts galantgalant starts kicking a bit of ass, and then gluto ripped the (already weak from the fire) chimerical ceiling down on top of them! galant did some shit to lift the rubble off them with little to no effort and james was kinda like “oh no he’s hot” for a second before galant kicked a bit more ass and gluto ran like hell!then he next night galant literally died for james (it’s okay, he got better) and confessed that james is his true love and just. man.

for the second one: there’s 3 assassins after galant. he fucked off to lovescreek in order to avoid them, but when ollie found him, one of the assassins had found him! so ollie joins the fray against this troll (who are like 8′ at the shortest), and after a short bit gluto joined in as well to distract ollie from the main fight! so what did ollie do? start loudly singing “i’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts” for a chicanery bunk to turn galant invisible. and of course both assassins turned on him and he ended up having to run like hell but when he lost them galant reappeared and was like “well that was fun”

9. Your favorite thing about D&D tabletop RPGs.i’ll keep it real, i’ve disliked every dnd system i’ve experimented w/ and i’m not a fan of most fantasy so it’s unlikely i’ll every actually play a proper dnd game but god… tabletop stuff is just so much fun? mostly the story and the fact that joe is absolutely godly

10. Your favorite enemy and the enemy you hate the most.cylus may be my fav npc but my fav antagonist is definitely king clockwork? ic my very first encounter with him led into him and james talking about their beliefs and ideals for like 2 hours straight and when he was getting ready to leave james was ecstatic that he’d finally met someone who fully understood his mindset. then the bomb dropped that he was the boss of the other antagonists and james was hit w/ this utter horror. and then james considered siding w/ him for a long ass time before eventually trying to kill him to put a stop to everything. yeah. yeahmy fav enemy/antagonist is absolutely gluto b/c he’s creepy as shit. during anyone’s first encounter w/ him i was completely solo and it was horribly unsettling and i simultaneously love and despise him

11. How often do you play and how often would you ideally like to play?we meet once a week! what game we run varies but recently it’s been changeling every week since we’re still waiting on player characters to start hunter the reckoning lmao

12. Your in game inside jokes/memes/catchphrases and where they came from.we have a bunch of them but uhhhhh random ones off the top of my head

“it’s always sunny in coolville” b/c i realised early on that we were going to be up to a lot of dumb shenanigans and it was easy to make it’s always sunny title cards based on each session

#saveduke b/c there was a whole thing at one point where we had to keep him from getting kidnapped. spun off from that are #SaveDukeFromHimself, #SaveGalantFromJamesStupidity and #SaveDukeAgain?

“appearance 4, captivating” b/c dom said it regularly for multiple sessions until his character dirty danced with a hot guy at a party, after which he decided that alora was a lesbian

“does [insert art] let me throw fireballs?” b/c dom wanting to throw fireballs down the street is a running joke but also he unironically asked if primal 2 would let him throw fireballs

“james got norted” b/c he nearly joined the main antagonist, which devolved into “[insert random character] got norted” at the most random times

james and galant touching tips b/c at one point while they were casually talking ollie just started going 👉👈 in the background and james got really mad and flustered abt it so everyone started doing it

“ultra instinct ash” b/c he’s our shaggy and also has done like fuck all nothing productive in game so him going fucking super saiyan to kill the final boss is hilarious

“i got two hands!” b/c people regularly ask why ollie dual wields broadwords

#OllieOllieOxenFREE b/c ollie got himself sent to fairy jail

“i did [stupid thing], can i buy [half related skill]?” like “i attempted murder, can i get chronos 2?” or “i was an assassin in a past life, can i get melee 3?”

“people, let me tell you bout my best friend!” abt james and cylus b/c boy does james have bad taste in friends

14. Introduce any other parties you have played in or DM-ed.uhhh exalted is the only one i’ve been a part of that’s been solidly active, but we’ve got characters for scion for when 2e drops, and i’ve got characters set up for chaos reigns when joe starts the next arc b/c i didn’t wanna peter parker myself into the finale. i don’t remember the rest of the scion crew well enough but i love them

15. Do you have snacks during game times?we almost always grab food on the way there and eat before we properly start

16. Do you play online or in person? Which do you prefer?in person! it’s the only way i’ve ever done it but i’m 🙏 that maricopa gets running online b/c……….. vampire good………..

17. What are some house rules that your group has?the big house rule for changeling is “ run things fast and loose.” joe knows the characters well and what’s on their sheets so we don’t do too much dice rolling except for arts. joe also takes some artistic liberties w/ some things, mainly wayfare and the inanimae, b/c his main goal is to make a good story and he’s sure as fuck succeeding

18. Does your party keep any pets?do addy and duke count? they’re a white rabbit and a beagle. beyond that, addy’s got pet rabbits, and ollie might be feeding a stray cat

19. Do you or your party have any dice superstitions?not really. dom claims that dice rollers hate him but he also keeps using his dice roller rather than pulling out physical dice

20. How did you get into D&D? How long have you been playing?i got into tabletop years ago when harley introduced me to the dystopia rising larp and i decided to check out the tabletop version for more lore. the current tabletop system sucks but onyx path is handling 2e and i’m so hyped for it. at some point a bit later i played vampire the masquerade bloodlines, and it got me into the world of darkness and well. i still love it.as for how long i’ve been playing, uh. around a year i think? i forget when we started exalted the borderlands-ing. i’d been sitting in on the group for around a year before that, mostly getting a feel for things and also we were trying to figure out a good jumping in point for me and i wish i could’ve started earlier but it let me mesh w/ everyone a bit easier and also have an outsider’s viewpoint when it came to certain issues

21. Have you ever regretted something your character has done?oh absolutely, “i fucked up” is the semi-catchphrase for james for a reason. he theoretically has common sense b/c i usually say “this is gonna be stupid/bad” either ic or ooc before i do some shit and well. yeah it doesn’t usually go well but we have fun

23. Do you use premade modules or original campaigns?i think the only thing not original we’ve run since i moved up is strange aeons and maybe a coc scenario? everything else has been original campaigns

24. How much planning/preparation do you do for a game?not too much, really. i sometimes plan out a little of what i’m going to do, but half the time i never actually have the chance b/c stuff moves in a different direction than i was expecting. however i also write the summaries of the shit we’ve gotten up to every session so there’s that

25. What have your players done that you never could have planned for?i’m not a dm but i’m answering this for joe b/c he flat-out admitted that he couldn’t predict what was going to happen in at least half of changeling b/c we’re an unpredictable mess but everything’s come together to make a really interesting finale

30. Are your players diplomatic or murder hobos?answering this one too even tho it’s still a dm question b/c the players themselves are half diplomatic (me, mal, joe depending on game) and half murder hobos (fredy, dom). dom’s been going more diplomatic w/ alora but also she’s so bad at it and it’s wonderful

31. What is your favorite class? Favorite race?classes aren’t a thing in changeling but out of the kiths ouuuuuuuugh i love sidhe a lot. like they’re honestly cool as hell and i fucking love the house lore? i’ll also do houses b/c fuck it, my fav house is beaumayn b/c they have no chill and every bit of house lore they have is brutal as hell

32. What role do you like to play the most? (Tank/healer/etc?)just looking at my trends of characters i’ve got currently (re)built, i have:- the face (james, rex, val)- support (henri, caoimhe, river kinda?)- the antisocial son of a bitch (nomi, neil)- “i’m going to wreck anything you point me at” (hound, oliver, elliot but not by his own choice)- pure chaos (nora, glitch mage)gemma is kinda hard to put into any category b/c she’s babey?

33. How do you write your backstory, or do you even write a backstory?it depends on the character? some characters don’t have backstories (caoimhe, nora), some i’ve fleshed out heavily (james). it’s usually assembled from a bunch of random snippets written over the course of however long. some of it’s heavily thought out, other parts are just kinda arbitrary. i also tend to run some more important chunks past joe or mal just to see how they feel? james being from house gwydion was originally arbitrary and wasn’t really gonna matter (joe himself said it would just be a bit of flavour) then he figured out how to fold it into plot and i’m thriving b/c le fway is wild

34. Do you tend pick weapons/spells for being useful or for flavor?flavour, though use is also a bonus? artswise james currently has naming/chronos/contract, which are all useful in their own ways but also reflect his past lives / him as a person

35. How much roleplay do you like to do?yes. if i’m not able to embrace the character i’m playing is it really that fun? is it really? no b/c when that happens to this group we get the dumbed down version of chaos reigns and i go fucking batshit b/c of the fact that combat takes way too long

[kaleenjackson]

Advent: Day 8

This is so late! I am so sorry my dear readers. I am hoping that this was worth the wait and there will be a second one posted tonight as well.

Pairings: Winterfrost (Bucky x Loki), Stony (Steve X Tony -Background)

Warnings: Language, homophobic slurs

Note: "The Twelve Pains of Christmas" - Bob Rivers

Dec 8

Presents

“The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me… Finding parking spaces!” Tony sang along with the song on the radio as they circled the mall for the fourth time. Living out in the middle of nowhere in a secret compound made some things interesting. Including shopping for gifts.

Steve had insisted that they go to a mall, like normal people. The only one of them who came close to pulling off normal was Steve. Otherwise they were a former assassin, a billionaire, playboy, etcetera, etcetera and a would-be alien god-king. Tony was excited to get out to where the people were. Bucky had been suckered in by Steve and had dragged Loki with them saying that they couldn't leave him without supervision.

Loki knew it was actually because he was just gonna be a third wheel with the other two. Having been the useless appendage in more than one situation with Thor he had agreed.

“We should go to the Carol Sing at the united church tomorrow night guys.” Steve said as “The 12 Pains of Christmas” finished.

“A church Stevie? Really? Of everyone in this vehical you and Loki are the most likely to be found in one.” Bucky groaned.

“Yeah, you would be there to pray and Loki would be tryin' to convert the priest.” Tony added sarcastically. Loki snickered and nodded. “See I'm right. Why the hell would anyone of us go to a church?”

“It's caroling Tony, not even an actual service. I think it would be fun for everyone to get out the compound.”

“Another field trip? Punk some of us are happier just staying out of the public eye. Just ‘cause you and your boyfriend are well loved…”

“Buuuuck…” Steve whined.

“We'll see. Lets just get this done and over with.” Bucky sighed as they finally found a parking spot.

“Alrighty Reindeer Games, make us blend in.” Tony turned and grinned at Loki.

Loki made a show of cracking his knuckles and looked each man in the SUV in the eye. A moment later they were examining the slight differences he had given them.

Bucky was clean shaven and his hair short like it had been in the forties. It was eerie to see that reflection again. Steve's blond hair was now brown and his beard made him look like a lumberjack.

“You shaved my goatee! What the fuck Loki! And my hair! Oh My God look at what he did to my hair Capcicle. It looks ridiculous.” Tony looked near tears.

“I like it Tony. Fits the whole mad scientist thing you've been doing lately. And look at Loki, he looks like a school teacher.” Steve attempted to placate the scientist.

Bucky looked at the Asgardian and was impressed. His long black hair was pulled back and a pair of simple gold rimmed glasses sat over his now green-blue eyes. Just those simple changes and suddenly four of the most feared and well-known faces might just pass for a lumberjack, a teacher, a mechanic and… well Stark was still Stark but he might not be quite so easily recognized.

“But my hair…” Tony whimpered.

Steve kissed him. They hadn't kissed in front of anyone. Bucky looked from them to Loki who winked at him.

“C’mon my madman, let's go get Christmas gifts boys.” Steve kissed him again gently.

“He likes my hair like this. Did you know he would?” Tony looked at Loki as the climbed out of the SUV. Loki shrugged. Bucky stood next to him.

“I have a bad feeling about today. I don't like crowds and that…” He pointed at the building, “Is full of nothing but crowds.”

“You'll be fine Bucky. Besides, I don't intend to wandering off seeing as I need to be constantly supervised.” Loki smiled. “By the way, look at your hands.”

Looking down Bucky realized he had forgotten his gloves, but Loki had dealt with that too. “That… is so… wrong Loki. It's so weird.” Bucky smiled. “Thanks Mischief.” He placed his now very normal looking left hand on Loki's shoulder.

It took fifteen minutes for Bucky to stop talking. For a moment Loki thought he was just looking for another topic until he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder.

Bucky's eye were unfocused as Loki turned to look at him.

“Bucky… are you alright?” Loki asked as softly as he dared. “Bucky?”

Bucky shook his head. “Too many exits… too many places too be hidden…” Loki gently pushed Bucky down into a chair.

“Stay there and don't move. I will be back with Rogers.” Loki kept his tone firm, like a command. Bucky nodded.

Grateful for having long ass legs for once, Loki sprinted through the mall looking of the secret power couple of the year. Cursing, he wished he hadn't made them blend in so well.

“Reindeer!” He heard someone yell. Stopping and turning he saw both Steve and Tony running after him.

“Oh thank the gods. Something's wrong with Bucky. He's all… blank…” Loki managed to pant out.

“He's having a flashback I think. Where did you leave him?” Steve said, his calm demener not hiding the panic in his eyes.

“Follow.” Loki took off again with the other two trying to keep up.

Bucky didn't notice they had arrived until Steve put his hands on his shoulders.

“Buck? You in there?”

“Too much risk of incidental damage. Too easily spotted…” Bucky shook his head and looked at Steve. “I need to get out. Too target rich…”

“Is there another place where we could shop?” Loki asked.

“Yeah. There were some little shops on our way here.” Tony said quietly. Seeing Bucky fighting to not have a panic attack was a bit too close to home for him.

“One of us should get him-“ Loki cut Steve off.

“I can take him down to the other shops. I dislike the crowds as well and he brought me here to keep an eye on me. Does that work for both of you?”

Tony and Steve looked at each other. Tony shrugged.

“Fine. Just don't do anything… unusual Loki.”

“I know there is a tracker in my phone. You'll see anything I do anyway.” Loki snarled at Steve.

“Breathe boys.” Tony said calmly. “Get outta here Reindeer Games. Take the Manchurian Candidate with ya and have fun. Cap and I will shop till we drop and come get you when we finish. Sound good?” He clearly flirted with Steve as he spoke. Loki nodded sharply.

Helping Bucky to his feet he spoke softly. “See you in a few hours then Stark.”

“See you then. C’mon Mon Capitain. And Loki…” Stark said as he lead Steve away. “Nice talkin' to yeah.”

They were a few blocks from the mall when Bucky finally shook the last of his weird moment off.

“Thanks for getting them to agree to let us leave.”

“What was I supposed to do. Let your mind slip to a dangerous place. I know you're armed. We both are but it would have been reckless to allow you to become danerous.”

Bucky shook his head. “Still not used to people being nice to ya, are you Mischief?”

Loki looked at him.

“Really. Thank you for what you did. You didn't have to say you would stay with me or even go get help. You even talked to them.”

“Well I needed too… I'm not a villian remember. I knew that I needed to do something. Besides, I wanted to get out if that damned place… Thanks for not asking Steven to accompany you instead.” Loki let his head fall.

“Like I wanted to interrupt their date. Then I would have to deal with mopey Steve, and they only thing worse than a mopey Steve is a mopey Tony.” Bucky laughed. “Relax Loki. I'm not mad. C'mon lets go grab something to drink.”

“I still can't believe that worked to convince them to sell you a frozen hot chocolate.” Bucky said as he sipped on a real hot chocolate.

“I did some reading and apparently it is actually a thing in some colder climates to indulge in a frozen beverage in the cold. Making the excuse of being Canadian was just icing on the cake, helps sell the story.” Loki smiled around the straw of his drink. Like it had the night before something about it drew Bucky's eye. “You wanna try some Barnes?” Loki offered the cup to him. Without taking the cup Bucky took a sip.

In the back of his mind Loki wondered if this wasn't starting to get beyond friendly territory. That maybe he was letting a bit too much of his feelings show.

Shopping turned out to be easy. Bucky had a general idea of everyone's likes which was helpful and Loki was quick with knowing what he wanted to do for each member of the team. Every single gift was hilariously perfect for it's recipient.

“You know, your boyfriend looks just like this guy.” The cashier smiled as he bagged the action figure of Loki. It was Tony's gift. Loki was going to customize it so it had reindeer antlers and a red nose.

“He's not my boyfriend, just a good friend. And you think he looks like a crazy killer alien?” Bucky had just spent five minutes listening to Loki bitch about how they'd made him look like an idiot. Now this guy…

“Just ‘cause the dude was nuts doesn't mean he wasn't hot.” The guy leaned in as he spoke. “So is he to be honest.”

Bucky laughed. “I just wanna get my stuff and go man.”

The cashier chuckled as he took the cash. “Just sayin'. Have a great day gents.”

Loki winked at the cashier.

“Don’t encourage him Loki.” Bucky knocked his friend’s shoulder as they started down the street. “He liked the action figure.”

“That’s thing is an insult to my apperance. Please tell me he didn’t…”

“Said you look just like it.”

“Damn.” Loki shook his head. “So any other places that you too drag me, Barnes?”

“I just wanna find a bookstore.” Bucky leaned over and stole another sip of Loki’s drink.

“You know this was supposed to be my drink.” Loki smiled with an eyebrow cocked.

“You have good taste.”

Out of no where a slushball slammed into Loki’s cheek.

“Goddammed Faggots!” Some asshole yelled. Bucky was only sightly faster than Loki. He grabbed the thin man.

“Don’t.”

Loki cursed in some strange language. Bucky kept his grip on him tight.

“Fuckin’ twink. You need your ‘Daddy’ to keep you in line sweetheart.” The guy sneered as he walked up to them.

Bucky looked at his ward. “If you know what’s good for ya, you’ll go inside that shop and not do anything… unusual.”

“Barnes…” He snarled.

“That’s right you little ass-cunt. Do as he says and run along like a good boy.” Bucky was gonna stab this guy.

“Your highness, now.”

Loki understood by his guardian’s tone and the sound of his arm shifting that he needed to do as he was told. He backed away and entered whatever shop was behind him.

“How can I help you sir?” The shop keep asked as Loki stopped in the middle of the store. It was a pet store. “Hey man, I don’t want any trouble and your a… friend looks like he might be…”

“Trouble. Not as much as I can be sometimes.” Loki smiled but it faultered as he realized what the man had implied about him and Bucky.

“You alright mister?”

“No… I’m not.” Loki shook his head. “Do you have somewhere I might calm down?” He could feel himself loosing control of his abilities.

When Bucky returned to the pet store he was very shocked. Loki was laying on the floor with a kitten on his chest.

“Is he dead?” The shop keep laughed.

“No, but he might be asleep.”

“Neither. Please tell me you killed that man for his comments.” Loki said, not looking at either man, but rather the small white kitten on his chest.

“No, but his now ex fiancee might. Turns out her brother is gay and hearing what he called you, she was about ready to slash his throat in front of me. No blood on our hands.” Bucky knelt down. “What’s this little fluff-butt’s name?”

“She doesn’t have one yet. Her and her litter mates just arrived from the adoption centre this morning. She went right to him when I brought them out.”

Bucky gave the man a questioning look.

“I tell you, this works every time. We get people havin’ a bad day come in here all the time and I just sit them down, ask if they prefer cats or dogs and then bring a few avalible adoptees out to meet them. Gets a few who might not have found a home into the right hearts I think.”

“You look like you stuck your paw in an inkwell little Trixie kitten. I wish I could take you home with me but Stark would throw a shit fit if I walked in with a kitten.” Loki stroked the small critter. As Bucky admired how calm she made his ward he noticed that her front right paw was black.

“Wait you don’t mean The Stark do you?” The shopkeeper asked in awe.

“C’mon Mischief. Before either of us gets into any more trouble.”

“Holy shit. You guys know Stark? But that would make you…”

Bucky smiled deviously. “Nothing more than a ghost story and a rumor. You really can’t keep the kitten Loki, don’t even try it.”

The shopkeep started as Loki set the tiny kitten down on the counter. “Can you keep this to yourself or should I make it that this never happened."

“I am privy to a lot of info. People spill there guts to these little guys. If they can keep a secret, so can I."

Loki nodded and stepped outside. He wanted the kitten but knew Bucky would stop that from happening. It took Bucky a few minutes to join him.

“He won’t talk.”

“Good. Have you done any shopping Bucky?”

“I just need the bookstore.”

Tony was in a great mood when he found Bucky and Loki lounging in the bookstore. Bucky had two crates of books and Loki had bags from most of the shops in the small town.

“Looks like today went well.”

“You could say that. How ‘bout you and the Punk. Enjoy your date?”

“It wasn’t a date Barnes. Just two friends out shopping.”

“Anthony, you kissed Steven in the SUV. Accept the fact that this was an outing for the two of you.” Loki barely glanced over the top of the book he was reading.

“I could say the same of you two.”

“We aren’t a couple.” They said in unison. Tony laughed.

“C’mon. I need to get Capsicle home before one of us has to carry him inside. I might have pushed him a bit hard with the shopping. Passed out on me on the way over.”

“Good job Stark. Now he's gonna be up at three in the morning wantin’ me to go for a run.” Bucky groaned. “You two are gettin’ up with me if that's the case.”

“No way!” Tony said getting in.

Loki shook his head. There was nothing that Bucky could bribe him with that could get him up that early.

Tags:

@reogni @thegingerslytherin

[evajellion]

Okay, I’m going to follow up on what I said, and tell you about how ten years ago, during 2007, I used to lurk Nintendo forums

Someone please tell me, if anyone else did the same… if they remember a fan-fic named “The Haunted Mansion”

If you do, then please talk to me so I don’t feel alone on remembering this.

If you don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, lemme explain every point of interest here

All of the main Mario characters during that time period (Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy, Yoshi, Wario, Waluigi, Toad, Toadette, Birdo, Toadsworth, Bowser) go to a mansion for a party. Big fucking surprise, it’s a death trap, which they find out quickly after finding Waluigi dead in a bath tub.

Author insert Pikachu is somehow in the story, found trapped in a Pokéball, and also he’s a pyromaniac despite having electric powers. Guess who’s going to make it out of the mansion?

Everyone gets plucked off in the typical horror movie way. Toadsworth is revealed to be an evil uncle who tried to kill Toad. Mario falls into a pit of spikes and proposes to Peach before he dies for good, Wario runs around murdering everyone with an axe. Everyone who died turns into a zombie because of Boos possessing their dead bodies.

King Boo is behind it all, as one Boo turns against how sadistic he’s acting. Birdo ends up being the sole survivor along with Pikachu, the Boo and an egg that was Birdo and Yoshi’s child. 

They defeat King Boo, escape the mansion, go back in time somehow, and set the mansion on fire from the outside so everyone is okay…

Haha nope, that’s not the end. Though, it doesn’t make sense as to why it’s called “The Haunted Mansion” afterwards.

Big party going on, Pikachu makes “Lightning Soup” which is just soup heated up with electric attacks I think.

They also order pizza, Mona delivers, and Birdo has a grudge against Mona because she and Pauline from the original Donkey Kong games used to bully her in school. By the way, remember Pauline exists, this is important.

Suddenly E. Gadd is revealed to be evil, and is plotting against everyone else.

The Pikachu has feelings for Toadette suddenly, that’s a pairing that goes on the whole story and becomes a big focus. I’m not joking.

Shenanigans happen, and we find out the Pikachu was also adopted by Dixie and Tiny Kong when it was young.

Vivian appears, because she’s the fan-favorite of course.

Someone falls into a whole, meets a Great Fairy, and gets an orb of light.

There are some elemental stones AKA “not Chaos Emeralds”-- Earth, Fire, Water, Wind, I forget the others. I think there was Psychic and Lightning also for all I know?

There’s a huge circle of evil RUN BY PAULINE who is revealed to be the true main antagonist. I guess it’s because people didn’t like her back then.

The other members of the evil circle are King Boo, E. Gadd, Cackletta, Princess Shroob, the Shadow Queen, and someone else.

Bowser contemplates killing Kammy Koopa over the stone she has, but can’t bring himself to do it. It’s actually a pretty nice scene, because it shows Bowser not being evil enough to do that and he cares about his bumbling witch underling.

Weird fan-characters, like another Pikachu with psychic powers I think who marries Tiny Kong. And some darkened Toadette recolor, I think her name was Twilight?

Beldam and Doopliss had a kid who wants revenge against Mario, never mentioned again I think.

Because of the evil side, the Pikachu turns into… Vampika. A vampire Pikachu with purple fur.

It’s a fucking battle of good (Toadette being a goddess incarnate or something with water/ice powers) and evil (Vampika and his crazy pyromania, also a sword).

Toadette and Vampika die. Except not really. They’re sent to another point in time, fuck, and have a kid which is a girl Toad that has Pikachu ears and a tail.

Mario and friends fight the Greek Gods. There’s literally no reason for it, but it happens.

Luigi becomes evil… because…??? There’s literally no fucking reason, because he had been around Mario the whole time, and it was at this point I found the fan-fic to be pushing it. Mind you, I didn’t have the highest standards at my age.

Daisy becomes the most whiny fucking bitch ever also for no reason. Probably because her boyfriend was evil, and now she’s all alone because Waluigi is dating Princess Eclair.

Kirby characters show up, but the only relevant one is Ribbon. And by relevant, I mean she’s horrifically out of character, acting like an idiot, and smacking people with a bat off to “Lala Land”. To make it worse, she’s a main character now.

Pika and Toadette’s kid ends up dating Yoshi and Birdo’s child. It’s as awkward as it sounds.

Boo fuses with Twink from Paper Mario to become “Blink” or something. Actually a neat concept, but why Boo?

After all the evil is defeated, the go back to the actual Haunted Mansion stuff by playing a game in… a mansion, involving cards.

At that point the story went from edgy but cool in concept, to crazy but bearable for the time, to a bit too ridiculous, to stupid, to… boring.

It was all done with a script format too. However, the forum was nuked, and all the good bits of fan-fic was lost in the sands of time.

Also this story ended up spawning lots of people making Pikachu fan-characters. Including a weird demon Pikachu with chaotic powers, and a fucking Werepika.

In case you don’t think this is a real thing by the way, here’s a picture of the Vampika from fucking Photobucket.

And here’s a bunch of other shit I found from this 10 year old Photobucket account.

Here’s some gifs used in signatures.

Here’s the Werepika, for the other dude’s less than successful fan-fic where the author admitted he plagiarized parts of “The Haunted Mansion”.

I’m pretty certain the original thread for the story had 600+ pages too.

I can’t even hate this for being ridiculous when looking back, because I think the creator was 15, and I always wrote pretty cringe-inducing, edgy stuff too. Then again, it might have been this that was the influence. Still, no idea why it jumped the shark so badly with Luigi becoming evil and Ribbon’s portrayal-- yes, those parts were the limit for me.

… And I guess the Pikachu and Toadette pairing, which is bestiality kinda. 

Happy 2017.

[salty-dracon]

ace hang plays oathbreaker part 3

don’t ask me why i keep writing these

WALINAD MEW MEW | Oathbreaker Part 3 | Ace Hang Plays Otome

Last time on Ace Hang plays Otome:

*cooking minigame shenanigans with elevator music in the background*

--------

Brid: Hey guys, Ace Hang here! I’m Brid!

Lily: I’m Lily, and welcome back to another episode of Oathbreaker! Last time, we had fun with a cooking minigame because we were trying to fool a dwarf into thinking we actually knew anything about magic. 

Brid: Also we’re a warlock. 

Lily: Yeah, like... fuckin’.... I don’t know. Anyway, we’ve got the power of fire and ice on our side, and things sort of ended on a cliffhanger. 

Brid: We’re also sorry about the length of the last part, we thought that the chapter would go on for a little longer. 

Lily: Luckily, y’all did get to see more cooking game shenanigans. 

Brid: I wonder if there’ll be more. 

Lily: Oh god. 

Brid: As for actual plot... 

Lily: Okay, so we’re not quite sure what’s going on here, but we’re some kind of thief that works in a mage college with an elf, and we’ve been sent to the capital of our kingdom Walinad to help some baby human king run things? I don’t know. Also we’re a warlock. Also the elves want us dead. 

Brid: Alwenn does not want us dead. 

Lily: The two elf boyfriends do. ... One of them does. 

Brid: Anyway, we’re super excited to see where this story takes us, and we hope you are too. Without further ado, let’s get started!

----------

Brid: “MyDude, I am thrilled to see you... but why did you have to bring HER along?” YOU BE NICE TO MY ELF GIRLFRIEND YOU DICKHEAD

Lily: Wow, you turned on him fast. 

Brid: “I’d never let you lay a hand on her!” My girlfriend!

Lily: Oh my god. 

Brid: “I didn’t mean to start anything but i mean if she did want to hold my hand-”

Lily: Fuckin’ hell! Oh my god, who’s this twink?! “Gabriel”. I like his hair, actually. That’s really cool. But he’s wearing an Arabian dress type thing, which is so funny. “See, this is why I love enchanted brothels- great customer service.”

Brid: I’m fucking dead. This chapter is off to a great start. 

-------------

Brid: A truce, huh? 

Lily: Eldritch beings. We’re just... idiots. 

Brid: Chocolate milk is great. Forbidden knowledge!

Lily: It also looks like the king and his cohorts are after us. Mostly the dwarf. 

Brid: Mostly the dwarf. 

Lily: HOLY FUCK priest elves

Brid: *elf fangirling*

Lily: ................. 

Brid: Hey, listen, holy elf people. I always did like holy classes too. 

Lily: ........

-----------------

Brid: She has so many freckles. 

Lily: Oh, right. There’s two elf nations- Dinea and Aldwen. And one of them’s oppressive and authoritarian. 

Brid: More flirting. Now. 

Lily: Fine. “Jealous?”

Brid: “I AM WORRIED ABOUT YOU!”

Lily: Oh, who’s this? “Lana”. “That was our map!”

Brid: ... 

Lily: ...

Brid: CAT PEOPLE?!

Lily: 2e TABAXI???

Brid: Their ears do move... 

Lily: That’s cool, but they’re... weird. Oh, “Peshka”, from Sindan. That’s cool? 

Brid: I guess? 

Lily: They’re... interesting? 

---------------

Lily: Tactics, tactics, tactics, stopping an evil gay elf boyfriend from trampling the whole world and starting World War IV, tactics tactics, I fought a dragon once, I’m a bad ass bitch... 

Brid: What happened to the first three world wars?!

----------------

Brid: No killing the dwarf. 

Lily: “NO KILLING THE DWARF”

Brid: “YOU LITERALLY SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME”

Lily: “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS”

Brid: “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS??”

Lily: Okay, now I can’t wait for more passive aggressive commentary between these two idiots. 

Brid: Damn, Argandea is sort of cool with our tactics. Not opposed. Just sort of cool with this. 

Lily: Ha. Cool. 

-----------

Lily: .... No way. ANOTHER cooking minigame?!

Brid: Oh man, let’s GO!

......

Lily: So, have you ever made meat pie before? 

Brid: Let’s just add everything. 

Lily: Meat. 

Brid: MORE MEAT!

Lily: VEGGIES!

Brid: VEGGIES! 

Lily: Wait, is that-

Brid: MINT???

Lily: I don’t think we’re supposed to put everything in. 

Brid: MEAT!

Lily: Okay, now put the crust on... “What is that smell?” “What smell?” “Is that... mint?” 

Brid: We got creative... 

Lily: “Get out of my kitchen!” 

Brid: Reload... 

......

Brid: So how does this minigame work, anyway?

Lily: I think we just add in everything that actually goes in a meat pie. 

Brid: So, butter, meat, carrots.... garlic?

Lily: Butter does not go in a pie. 

Brid: Ginger. 

Lily: Ginger most definitely does not go into a pie. 

Brid: Okay, let’s ask the lady. 

(pause)

(both groan)

........

Lily: So, it sounds weird that carrots go in a meat pie. But is that true? 

Brid: Listen, I have never had meat pie in my life. 

Lily: Let’s try it. “Kag’ash has big carrots. No pun intended-”

Brid: She’s so goddamn horny-

........

Lily: MEAT!

Brid: DONE!

Lily: CARROTS!

Brid: DONE!

Lily: GARLIC!

Brid: DONE! 

Lily: ... WHATEVER ELSE IS REASONABLE!

Brid: DONE!

Lily: CRUST!

Brid: Done. 

(pause)

Lily: YESSSSSS

--------------------

Brid: Lea, will you stop pointing a gun at us?

Lily: Oh god. 

Lily: TIME TO DO THE CREEPY THING AGAIN???

Brid: Oh boy, that little dragon sigil... it be spinning.... 

Lily: Wheeee. 

Brid: Alwenn! Dude, she just slapped us! 

Lily: Thanks, Alwenn. That hurt, but thanks. 

Brid: Now is the dwarf finally going to listen? 

...

Lily: YES

Brid: She still thinks we’re a criminal. 

Lily: FUCK

----------------

Brid: Heading to the land of cat people now, I presume? 

Lily: Guess so. And looks like Virion bought us some time. 

Brid: So, let me get this clear. She made some sacrifice to stop a demon or dragon of some sort, and she lost her ability to perform magic?

Lily: Guess so. 

Brid: Huh. And then she got picked up for odd jobs. 

Lily: Yup. I guess we can still borrow other surges though. 

Brid: Cool.

Lily: Virion really wants to fuck us, though. 

Brid: Alwenn is best girl. 

-----------------

Brid: “You wouldn’t know love if it hit you in the face!” OHHHHH

Lily: OHHHHH- wait, didn’t she actually hit us in the face-

Brid: OHHHHHHHH

(romantic cut-in)

Lily and Brid: OHHHHHH

---------

Brid: So it sort of sucks to know that the hottest male elf in this game is the main villain of this whole thing. 

Lily: I mean... he’s cool. 

Brid: Is he? 

Lily: .... I mean, he has a nice design. 

Brid: Very true. 

Lily: “The divines don’t smile upon traitors”, he says, to the traitor... 

Brid: He’s so sad. He’s so lonely. 

Lily: Awwww... 

-------------

Brid: And with that, looks like that’s the end of Chapter 1! And our part 3. 

Lily: Yeah, that was awesome. How long is this, like an hour and a half?

Brid: We’ll fix that up later. Lots of cooking shenanigans to cut out. So, what are your thoughts?

Lily: ... Okay, so it’s Walinad and its baby king vs the Dinean elves, and then there’s some kind of... I don’t fucking know. 

Brid: I don’t even know what we’re dealing with here. I want to say we’re stopping a war, but are we? 

Lily: I was personally more interested in backstory. 

Brid: Yeah, good point. I have no idea where the story’s going from here, so with that, I guess that’s the end. 

Lily: Guess so. Thanks for watching, make sure to like, comment, and subscribe, it really helps us out a ton and gives us encouragement to continue!