#why is past trauma so fucking overwhelming like can we pls just get over it. wtf

[basedandlovepilled]

just had one of the most vivid flashbacks ever that sent me into hyperventilating and silently sobbing for 20 mins.. gonna play minecraft abt it <3

[n4talia-chaparro]

"Omg 5 days without posting?! Lmao so funny."

Yeah I get it >|:/

I wanted to make this post cuz a lot of you were so "CoNcERnEd" about me and the allegations made by the anons. And well in case people wanna find "info". I kinda don't care if people wanna keep attacking me and shit but yk. I have to speak up and explain.

So I wanna start by saying that what I did last Thursday and Friday was very retarded and dumb of me and I highly apologize once again. I was not in the right mindset and it was never my intention to ignore anyone's advice. I have been mentally unstable and stressed that I couldn't focus. Yeah. I was having anger issues and a meltdown. I couldn't control them so I'm apologizing for the way I acted that time without thinking straight. It's not easy to be a CU artist because of what's happening and I admit it's not easy for me to be perfect like you guys wanted me to be. I tried everything yet you guys seem to judge and shove words in my damn throat.

About the allegations... the anons were also after one of my moots so I wanted to explain and debunk them. It's giving me a headache and overwhelming the living shit out of me.

(BTW pls I do NOT encourage harassment or any sort of threats to anyone mentioned in this post)

The grooming: this allegation is false. I'm sick of seeing them throwing the allegations around like it was some sort of volleyball-type shit. (I'm A MINOR !!! Not a adult-)

The reason why they were spreading those is because of my grooming situation I had a few years ago when I had 9-11 (and UNSUPERVISED). It all started on amino and I met my groomer. (I'm calling them M cuz yea). M and I were close friends and we used to talk. My groomer was a Krupp x Melvin shipper, a pro-shipper obviously, they would force me to do NSFW roleplay and art based on their favorite ship. (Keep this in mind I was younger at that time and I never knew how to say no to them) and they even guilt-trip me and stuff just make me feel bad and well. They would often force me to ship them too...yikes...

One day we argued and their friends decided to cause drama in the group chat. They pointed fingers at me and called me a predator. Again I was 9. I wasn't aware of what proshipping is until age 12. A lot of shit happened. I got threats, harassment, etc. And at the age of 13-14 I was groomed by someone different um yayy...:/// I was never taught about the internet safety.

And that's where the "Natty is a groomer" bullshit came from :/

I'm 16 now and to this day I keep receiving those rape threats and stuff over my past and then seeing people spreading those is dumb. The anon even went to Linavloger's blog to send a rape threat and told her I was gonna groom her. This is fucking disrespectful. Lina is Younger than me, she's fucking 13. I find it disgusting that you guys choose to tell her that. It's gross for fuck's sake. What is your problem????? For the love of God stop spreading that allegation. Not only you are making me uncomfortable but also the others who were involved. Literally, stop.

My trauma is not for you to joke with it or use it as a shield. It's gross that people are making fun of me for that. No I mean yeah. My past wasn't great because I met people who already sexualized me too many times but it doesn't mean you have to bring it up and tell everyone about it. :"(

The sexualization: The anon mentioned that I sexualized Harold in one of my videos which is again funny yet bullshit because according to them it was because of a pride month pin and small accessories..

When I say pin i meant this- 😭

Like I'm so sorry but how is this sexualizing him? It's a Pride Month pin. A PIN. How the fuck can yall be this stupid. It was an old video and you took it so seriously????? Like what???? Have you read the 12th book??? There's no way you think it's sexualization when it's Harold with an MLM pin.

This also goes to the AGERE subject. I do NOT normalize nor promote ddlg. There's a difference between ddlg/ageplay and an ACTUAL coping mechanism and I'm tired of hearing this bullshit over again like stfu so uh.

Ddlg/ageplay is where random ass adults roleplay as children and do weird shit.

Agere on the other hand is where someone reverts to a young mindset to cope with trauma, stress, severe illness, or disorders. (Mainly a safe way to cope ofc)

These are the differences between them. You cannot just tell me it's the same shit dawg. 😭

The "ripping off" thingy: another thing that I wanna address is about the au :/

The anons that I dealt with were just infini-tree fans/supporters and tree house members. Well idk. They may sound like whiney little cunts but still-- my AU does NOT have any similarity with THAT. Why would I steal ideas from someone who BLOCKED me for no reason and sent her fans after me??? No really how? How can a blocked user steal ideas if they can't see, or interact with the post (like & reblog)? Be real y'all. You may seem ridiculous if you believed those anons cuz none of them didn't pull the evidence out of their ass. 💀

"You need to apologize to her" for what? Dawg I didn't do jack shit to her in the first place LMAO yeah like--- don't get me started on that bs again. I don't wanna hear her damn name, I don't wanna know anything about her aus and shiii-- or anything related to her in my inbox or dm. I do NOT wanna have anything to do with that individual. End of the story. Not trying to be harsh, rude, or anything but like. It's annoying. I don't like to be compared to anyone or deal with the same bullshit.

Mhm yea like man. Idk what else I need to debunk but pls don't believe those anons dawg.

You can't even ask for proof cuz they don't gave any 🥰🥰💀💀💀‼️‼️‼️😭😭😭 LOL IMAGINE FABRICATING ALLEGATIONS Y'ALL ARE SO DUMB 🗣‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥

[pinkpicket]

How is namjoon doing?

Be ready for typos and shitty grammer bc im to impulsive to review shit ( adhd mind😭😭)

Okay hi before we start this reading i wanna clarify a few things:

This reading is about namjoon from bts

Im not a bts stan ( not anymore, the reason? Nothing specific im just older now and i dont see a point in stanning any celebrity)

Im doing this reading bc i stumbled upon a tiktok randomly a couple hours of namjoon and it genuinely made me so worried bc somethiing was sooo off, so im curious and i wanna see what's going on

Idk anything else beside this about this whole situation sooo... im gonna be %100 honest here bc I literally have no reason to not be plus i have no bias at all soo... imma be honest af.

Okayy so onto the reading ->

I asked a general question on whats going on with him right now and tbh things don't seem so bad? Like it's just mostly him working and being busy with so many things like basically overwhelmed by the amount of things he has to do (now this is interesting bc isn't bts on a hiatus rn??? Why does he seem so busy? This can be his own album maybe? Or personal things too tbh not just work), tbh it's more like " i have the potential to do all of this yet im not really doing shit so i feel so overweight" or at least that's how he feels bc what im seeing is kinda different from what he sees quite the contrary actually like he seems to be slowly and surely working on his projects and things, the only problem i see here is his how he views this when in actuality everything is actually pretty balanced but to him it's all mushed up together, almost like everything is blurred out from his pov.

His biggest problem has to be not being able to focus and he REALLY hates this ( no surprise considering just from this reading he seems like a VERY hardworking person) it's like he heels all the things he has mastered all over the years are just leaving. The cup that he has been filling up for years and years now is getting empty all over again. This makes him feel like his young self all over again and he doesn't like it one bit, tbh it sort of seems like ( unresolved) trauma from the past are taking a toll on him, like they're hunting him down. Im telling u this all is happening inside his mind, on outside everything seems fine.

Now how long has he been like this? For a couple of months now. But whatever this is it genuinely is affecting him a lot, doesn't matter how much i try to make it seem insignificant, to him at this moment is everything.

His problem specifically is he's not used to this now this can be about him sort of not being with the other members like before( he definitely is still in contact but not as frequently as before) and he seems to not like this or it could even be just the fact that nothing that's been happening lately is really worth celebrating orrrr it could mean whoever he's dating rn, they're not on good terms with each other oorrrr it could just be all of them packed together. Another problem thT i see is him not beinh able to balance whatever that's been going on( which like shouldn't he be used to this by now? Like he's a veryyy famous artist ofc he neglects some personal stuff but u see now that he has more time it's actually affecting him way more negativly " like shit i really neglected all of this? " and now it's all crumbling down on him).

The best thing he can do to fix this? lmaoooo okay okay hear me out i got the empress, now this can mean a few things:

He needs to fucking relax

Needs to focus more on relationships with women ( his mom, sister and his gf )

OR JUST HAVE A BABY LMAOOOO pls this man is desperate to become a dad and tbh becoming a dad will genuinely really benefit him as a person.

So i guess this is it, i dont really wanna get into more details just bc u know it's his personal life after all but since he talked about this publicly i wanted to do a tarot reading just bc i was very worried.

[vaguely-concerned]

I rewatched the mandalorian episode 8 and boy have I got feels for you

- lol gideon’s callouts to all of them though... you have ‘hey cara remember how we blew up your entire planet and killed your fellow soldiers’ and ‘hey din djarin yeah I know who you are lol the mysterious stranger thing doesn’t work on me remember how we apparently murdered a bunch of mandalorian children in one night’ (that’s how I’m taking ‘mandalorian recruits’ anyway) and then finally there’s just ‘greef karga. you’re really old enough to know better.’ 

- oh bb!din doesn’t cry at any point during the whole flashback :((( bb boy. he’s of course terrified but there are no tears. I’m guessing he’s in shock/dissociated the entire time. (probably also due to having a child actor but I think it makes a lot of sense in-universe too! to put on my trauma hat for a moment he’s always read to me as a combined freeze/flight type; he either dissociates or loses himself in work. I suppose he got started early) 

- the look on Papa Djarin’s (I mean I assume) face as tiny din reaches out for him and he knows he has to turn away and leave to save him :) exquisite burning agony

I still wonder so much what his parents did for a living. those red robes look almost like uniforms/religious garb to me or it might of course just be the fashion in this place, people in the background seem to be wearing similar things. 

- I LOVE the mando who saves him as a kid because that’s apparently the same actor who’s in the mando suit when it’s not pedro pascal or another stuntman (brendan wayne, I think it is?) so it gives this wonderful feeling that you get now where a lot of din’s body language and general bearing comes from but there’s also just enough difference that it’s clearly another person. with din there’s always this edge of reserve and a slight stiffness no matter how relaxed he is, and this guy has the same basic steadiness as him but seems a bit more open just from these few short shots. (there might be a little bit of character design in this as well -- din’s shoulder pauldrons are naturally uh ‘higher’ than this guy’s, who has smoother/flatter and more rounded shapes, giving the feeling of shoulders just slightly raised and relaxed down respectively)

it’s nice to see the mandos as a protective force even if they have the death watch symbol there to make you go ‘?!?!?!’, there wasn’t a lot of that in clone wars but it’s an ill wind and so on I guess 

- this confused jawa looking at the dead stormtroopers is everything. don’t worry you’re doing amazing sweetie

- the context for why din picks up the e-web (channeling the spirit of baze malbus, a man who also didn’t let the fact that his weapon was really meant to be mounted on a tank stop him :’) ) makes it even better: he sees that IG-11 has the baby and that he’s getting overwhelmed and he literally grabs the biggest gun he can find and goes to town to let him get away.  

- “I haven’t heard that name spoken since I was a child” ooof but also what are the logistics of that? I’m wondering if it might be the ‘Djarin’ part, if that’s his family name? maybe there hasn’t been a use for that among the mandos? surely someone has needed to call him by name somehow at some point in the last 30+ years lol

- one of the reasons gideon works so well as a villain is that he can get past the beskar. he knows exactly how to kill mandalorians because he’s done it before. he’s not only a huge threat emotionally -- he wants the baby and he’s done some fucked up shit to din’s culture -- he’s also one of the few people who can nullify the physical protection of our main boi in the helmet. and that scares me. because he’s my dad and I love him.

- I’m fairly sure din is properly unconscious for almost half a minute there. (which is very very bad. always go see a doctor if you lose consciousness after hitting your head if an IG unit with appropriate training and equipment is not on hand)   

- baby yoda passing out after doing one (admittedly spectacular) thing is a wholeass mood, #same buddy ilu 

- din is the first person to explicitly call the baby a foundling ;____;

- poor cara she’s already lost so much and her new bro is trying to convince her to let him throw himself on any sword made available to him. (I do love that neither she nor IG-11 buy mando’s bullshit for a moment here tho lol they’re openly saying they’ll take him with them anyway while he’s listening) 

- oh. oh din starting to jumble his words even as the gun remains rock steady in his hand is hitting me really hard this time. ow.

- I think the baby can sense din and IG coming (he gives a little sound right before they show up) 

- when cara checks in with him in the tunnel she touches her fingers to his chest so very lightly and he almost falls over backwards sdfaksdljhf

- well he definitely is trembling while picking up that helmet from the pile. so have fun knowing that with me 

it’s so messed up too because there’s not that many of them left; he’s all but guaranteed to have known every single one of them. 

- this image of him on his knees in front of this pile of the empty armor of the dead feels. I don’t know how to describe it but like a repeat. like he has been here before, this isn’t the first time and it’s hitting him all over again. (considering how things have been going for the mandos recently that might very well be true too. metaphorically this is essentially what’s going on in the background of the entire show, anyway. Friends I think mando Saw Some Shit during the night of a thousand tears or a similar event) 

maybe what gives me this feeling is how clearly he is in another time in some way during this part, before the armorer diagnoses him with Dad and brings him properly back. he’s trying to send them away with the baby, who’s like. basically the symbol of his will to live at this point. “I can’t leave it this way”, he can’t leave the dead behind and be alive, some part of him wants to stay with them. 

you can see this from how he talks about the baby too: in the scene where he’s hurt and trying to get them to leave he consistently calls him the child or the baby (not to mention the first foundling we get!) and focuses very specifically on keeping him safe. in this triggered state the baby briefly becomes it again and he doesn’t even mention him, he just tells them to take his ship and leave. in that moment all he wants to do is fight and probably die on behalf of those who are already gone. (I think bessel van der kolk has called PTSD ‘a profound loyalty to that which is lost’ or something like that. that rings very true to me here)  

the talk with the armorer is basically a very short debate between ol’ coping mechanism!din being like ‘hey I just remembered before all this I was doing my very best to work myself to an early and likely shallow grave, I should get back to that’ and Papa Wolf!din being like ‘except this is my son so we’re not doing that we’re gonna have to improvise something new on the fly here’. bless. 

(all of this is so subjective and probably me reading things into it that don’t really exist so don’t quote me on any of this but his anger at greef karga sounds to me like that of a younger, emotionally rawer man too, it’s so openly hurt and... active? I guess? these days when he gets angry he seems to tend more towards getting deathly quiet. then again this is one of the most genuinely upsetting things in the whole show so it could just be that)  

- hahahahahaha greef rests his hand on his gun before he follows them into the armorer’s workshop; it would seem he did not think it guaranteed either she or maybe especially mando wouldn’t try to shoot him  

- the way the armorer’s voice gains a brightness/warmth when she sees the child! the mandalorian ‘protect babies’ instinct in action haha, she’s like ‘oh this is why you did this bugfuck insane thing. perfectly reasonable, keep up the good work’.  the foundlings are the future is not just lip service it really is a central tenet of their culture even when it’s inconvenient 

there’s this sense that... in the face of his hurt she’s basically telling him to go be alive, to raise this child, to choose surviving and healing. I think she understands him very very well, I wonder how long they’ve known each other. (she had the mould for his signet ready <3)

- he sounds so crestfallen and lost when he asks if the baby is an enemy. and then she’s just fondly like ‘no it’s your son you absolute dummy’ and he’s like ‘...yeah I know’ 

- I. love that in these scenes he’s hurt (and not just physically) and other people are there to carry the baby until he can pick him up at the end fully as a father would.  

- I have talked about it before but I must restate how hilarious and endearing I find it that mando conscientiously leans the thing he tries to pry the boat loose with against the wall again while cara shoots the place up. one is never too busy to mind one’s manners. (this scene really showcases each of the characters too. greef: just keep fuckn pushing! mando: briefly kicks the thing with a growl then tries attacking the problem from a new angle. cara: GUN.) 

- oh the absolute sweetness of how IG says “And you will live”. there’s so much emotion in his droid voice there and all of it is peaceful and affectionate. I agree with din IG don’t goooooooo don’t leave us we need an adult

I keep whispering ‘pls someone think to shield the baby’s eyes’ through my tears in this scene, he didn’t need to see that happen D:

- I really need to repeat that despite what IG-11 says, he goes ahead with his plan anyway even though mando never satisfies his ‘programming’s’ demand. droid’s got free will and a huge big heart Y___________Y anyway... droid rights in the star wars universe when (...it would be very funny if din became embroiled in that fight somehow after this, oh how the turntables) 

- another continuity error: mando puts the jetpack on, then we get a shot of cara shooting and he’s standing there with it in his hands again haha. unless he realized he put it on upside down the first time around or something that seems unlikely. (he’s also lying in slightly different positions between cuts in the scene where IG-11 heals him, but that’s so small and subtle I don’t even really count it) 

- the jetpack scene is a beautiful encapsulation of din’s fighting style. he flails and gets jerked around a lot. he nearly blows himself up. I don’t think he’s fully in control of anything that whole time. and yet he gets the job done yet again. a disaster, but a glorious disaster still standing at the end of it all. one simply must stan. 

- a) I think din remembered how to take off better than he remembered how to land haha and b) BABY’S HAPPY LITTLE FACE WATCHING HIS DAD COME BACK DOWN c) THE BABY & MANDO MUSIC PLAYING WHEN DIN NOTICES THE BABY CLUTCHING HIS LEG *elmo surrounded by flames gif* (it’s a calmer/more grounded version of the same song that plays when they have that moment of connection right before the other mandos come to the rescue in ep 3 and also a few other times)

- baby’s joyful little trilling sound when his dad turns his head to check on him 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 and he strokes the cape with such contentment because it’s a safe familiar texture because this is his dAD (officially and legally too now, mandalorian-wise :’) im so happy)

- the unsympathetic comedy stormtroopers at the beginning could conceivably have survived (if not uh happily lol). if they become a recurring duo who show up and get more and more screwed every time I wouldn’t be mad haha

- I support these jawas in everything they do, I feel a great kinship with these lil goblins 

- anyway I love this show so much and I hope season 2 is good too and knows it holds my fragile heart in its hands 

[caatws]

ok after a tumultuously emotional night i’m just gonna. talk abt my endgame thoughts for a sec

overall......i’m not a fan. i’ll admit to being biased - the characters i believed deserved proper closure/happy endings/not dying pretty much didn’t get that so i’m just like uhhhh what. like, there were a lot of specific moments in the movie i REALLY LIKED but then the rest of the movie was either unpleasant, dragged on too long (i knew going 3 hours would be shit), or i was just rly overwhelmed and confused as to what was happening.

things that i liked:

PEPPER POTTS FINALLY BECAME RESCUE HOLY SHITTTTTT

STEVE AND MJOLNIR YES FINALLY

the time travel sequences in the 2nd act were kind of all over the place, but i did like the concept of revisiting past mcu films now that it’s been so long for a fun nostalgia trip. my fav of the time travel trips was going back to the battle of new york in 2012

nebula had a prominent role in the movie!!!! yeehaw!!!

tony and pepper got married and had a kid and my 2014 pepperony heart rly did explode!!!!!!!! wow!!!!

JARVIS!!! WAS THERE!!!!!!!! my agent carter heart exploded!!!!!! bring that show back pls

things that i disliked:

the dialogue was weird and cringey but i guess that’s what makes a true avengers movie huh (started from the bottom - “i have a plan: attack” - now we here - “i am inevitable”) lmfao

so many scenes dragged on soooo longgggg i knew being 3 hours long would be a bad idea

does anyone know how time travel works

how did past nebula bring 2014 thanos & co. to the future without pym particles

how did present nebula kill past nebula without undoing her own existence in the present

how did steve travel back in time to be with peggy then still existed in the same present day timeline for sam and bucky to encounter him as an old man

like what peggy carter did we meet in this timeline in catws if steve went back in time and got with her

wait does that mean there are super soldier serum babies running around in the present day since steve implied he had a family

what happened to 2014 gamora did she just fuck off to somewhere else at after the battle....she rly should’ve been in the epic tracking shot at tony’s funeral

UM HEY THE FACT THAT!!!! TONY DIED!!!!!! EXCUSE ME? like why did they give him a family and all that for him to just fucking. die

tbh i don’t think anyone had to die bc i think steve could’ve just chilled out and retired somewhere and then tony could’ve retreated to his cabin and then...natasha

NATASHA!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK

lol i truly am a clown bc natasha was my #1 reason for getting into the mcu at all in the first place and eventually my priorities and interests shifted toward gamora & the gotg......so basically the 2 fem characters i LOVED to death for years died in the same exact bullshit way

ALSO.....the soul stone rules do not make sense to me like....i thought you have to sacrifice what you love most....and you’re telling me that clint loves natasha more than anything else like idk his wife or children.....

look y’all i LOVE cl*ntasha but this was bullshit in the canon that we were presented with and you know it

also just. what was up with emo clint y’all that was kinda extra

ok wait i’m sorry but can we go back to steve/peggy bc wtf peggy has been shown and stated MULTIPLE TIMES to have moved on with her life after grieving steve and eventually married a dude and had kids and HAD A WHOLE LIFE!!!! without steve and steve literally went back in time and UNDID ALL THAT to get some?!?!

also why would steve, after turning the world upside down searching for bucky, abandon bucky to having to suffer THE SAME EMO SHIT STEVE DID living in the present as his ‘40s self.......y’all

what was the point of the bruce/hulk hybrid thing i’m CONFUSED

why didn’t they explain why hulk didn’t come out in iw i’m sdlkfbnklsdfb

why is thor always treated as a joke in pretty much every avengers movie....he has suffered so much he deserves better

it’s clear to me that the russos did not know how to use carol so they totally wasted her potential in this movie by barely using her

have i talked abt the gotg yet? let me talk abt the gotg REAL FUCKIN QUICK

where the fuck is our gamora did they rly just undo YEARS of character and relationship development in their arguably best developed character by not bringing her back.....bro

peter quill’s pain and trauma is once again played off for laughs

like honestly HELLO he is probably kind of upset that the gamora he knew and loved is fucking DEAD still!!!!!!!!!! fuck the balls kicking scene i don’t like it

also wtf was up with some of nebula’s writing like somehow she went from being “fuck thanos rights he’s not my father” in the gotg films to “my father”-this, “my father-”-that like every 2 seconds in endgame

how did j*mes g*nn sign off on ANY of this when he was consulting

oh and the cherry on top of it all.....the “gay character” honestly fuck russo bros rights i’m done