#why does my nugget boy have fucking orange eyes?

[dreaming-hibi]

WAS ANYONE GOING TO TELL ME THAT TSUNA HAD ORANGE/GOLDEN EYES EVEN AS HIS NORMAL SELF IN THE MANGA OR WAS I SUPPOSED TO FIND THAT OUT WHILE LAUGHING AT TVTROPES?

Those eyes are clearly NOT BROWN, whatever color they are IT IS NOT BROWN!!!!

[honeypiehotchner]

That’s When (Hotch x Fem!Reader) -- part three of Bye Bye, Baby

Part three has arrived! Guys, this was so much fun to write and this part made me so weepy. Thank y’all so much for reading <3

Loosely based on “That’s When” by Taylor Swift ft. Keith Urban xx

Summary: Juliet wants to meet Aaron, so you set it up. Things go better than you were expecting.

Warnings: angst, happy ending!

Word count: 3.7k this time EYE

Bye Bye, Baby (part one) || Don’t You (part two) || Hotch Masterlist

You said, “I know,” when I said I need some time, need some space/to think about all of this

You pour the coffee Aaron got you down the drain. You took maybe two sips on your way home.

Juliet is still with Dannie, but she’s on her way now to drop her off. And once Jules is asleep, you’ll be filling Dannie in on everything.

Easier said than done, because Juliet all but refuses to fall asleep.

“Munchkin,” you sigh. “You have school tomorrow.”

“M’not tired.”

You give her a look.

“What’s wrong, Mommy?” She asks out of nowhere. “You look sad.”

“I’m okay, baby,” you whisper, even though you nearly start crying. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“French toast for breakfast?”

You chuckle, tapping her nose gently. “French toast. You got it.”

“Love you bunches,” she murmurs, already falling asleep.

You lean over and kiss her forehead. “Love you, munchkin.”

Juliet keeps her eyes closed as you stand and turn off the light, and you don’t doubt that she’s fast asleep by the time you pull her door closed.

Dannie is waiting on the couch, two glasses of wine already poured.

“You know me too well,” you laugh, taking your glass from her. “Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me, it’s your wine,” Dannie grins.

“Right.”

Dannie watches you stare at your wine. Something you never do.

“How’d it go?” She asks. “It looks like it went bad.”

You snort. “Well, it wasn’t great.”

You watched me go/And I knew my words were hard to hear

“Oh boy.” Dannie shifts her body and faces you on the couch, her legs bent underneath her. “Go on.”

“His first question was if she’s his.”

Dannie scrunches her nose in disgust, an expression Jules has picked up from her. “What did you say?”

“That she’s mine, but he is her dad,” you exhale shakily. “I forgot she has his dimples, too.”

Dannie smiles sadly. “Honey…”

“Yeah, it was bad,” you admit. “It was so easy to forget all of that when I was angry and when I was too busy being pregnant,” you joke. “Seeing him just opened that door again.”

You swirl your wine for a second. “He said he wants to meet her. I told him I’d have to ask her first.”

“That’s good,” Dannie nods.

“How do I even bring that up?” You ask, defeated. “And what if she says no?”

“Then she says no,” Dannie shrugs her shoulders. “Then life goes back the way it was.”

You take in a deep breath. “Is it wrong that I kind of want her to say no?”

“I think that’s very motherly of you,” Dannie smiles. “You’ve protected her so well, I hope you know that.”

“I’ve tried.” You take a big sip of wine before your next sentence. “He asked me for a second chance.”

Dannie blinks. “Seriously?”

You nod.

“Did you tell him about the phone calls? He’s ignored you this whole time and now just because he realized he’s a father, he wants a second chance?” Dannie scoffs loudly. “Maybe I want her to say no, too. I hate men.”

You nearly inhale your wine in laughter. “You and me both.”

+++

As it turns out, bringing up Aaron to Juliet is easy. She asks you the next night why you still look sad, and you use it to bring him up.

“I’m not sad, munchkin, I’m just thinking really hard about something.”

Juliet furrows her eyebrows. “What?”

You slide off the couch to sit on the floor next to her where she’s coloring a picture of Elsa. “Remember how I told you that your dad and I don’t talk anymore?”

It was the easiest way to explain Aaron’s absence when Juliet started to ask about it. It was hard to think about because you and Aaron were never married, he didn’t die, and to make matters worse, he had no idea Juliet existed.

She nods, picking up a blue marker. “Yeah, you said adults have to stop talking to each other sometimes.”

“That’s right,” you nod. “Sometimes it’s better for us if we don’t speak. But sometimes, after a while, we can start talking again.”

“Okay.”’

“Well, your dad and I have started talking again,” you pause. “And he said he’d like to meet you. But only if you want to.”

Juliet thinks for a moment, then shrugs, switching to an orange marker. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” You ask, just to be sure. “Where do you want to go?”

“I can pick?”

“Sure can. Wherever you want.”

“Hmm,” she taps her chin for emphasis, and you try hard not to laugh. “What about McDonalds in the park?”

It’s a somewhat tradition of yours to get McDonalds, then go to her favorite park and have a picnic. It’s one of her favorite things to do, so you should’ve known.

“I love that,” you smile. “What about this Saturday?”

“Mhm!” She nods. “Can Dannie come, too?”

“I’ll ask her, but I don’t see why not.”

Juliet is completely satisfied with this answer and goes right back to coloring Elsa.

You chuckle quietly. Kids.

+++

It’s almost noon by the time you get Juliet in the car. And surprisingly, you were the one running behind today. Juliet was ready and sitting on your bed, watching you get dressed before you had even done your hair.

Now, though, you’ve picked up Dannie, and the three of you are headed to McDonalds.

Juliet hasn’t mentioned meeting Aaron once this morning, but she has talked about McDonalds at least four times now.

“How are you holding up?” Dannie asks while Juliet is occupied singing along to ‘Let It Go.’

“Nervous,” you admit quietly. “Thank you for coming.”

“I wouldn’t turn down McDonalds any day,” Dannie scoffs, then turns around to Juliet. “Are you excited?”

Listening to the two of them ramble makes you smile wide, and the drive to the park feels infinitely shorter.

You told Aaron you’d text him when you get there, so he can come over. He said he’d already be there, but for what reason you have no clue.

All you care about is setting out the blanket and getting Juliet to eat her food before she plays with her new Frozen toy.

Truthfully, you’re expecting him to text you and say he called on a case. Not that you blame him because you’ve been there, the BAU is unpredictable like that. But you wouldn’t be surprised.

However, you are surprised when Aaron jogs over.

Yes, jogs.

In shorts, a t-shirt, and sneakers, with sweat clinging to his hair, he jogs over. And you lose all semblance of reality. There’s cotton in your mouth. Good fucking god, he looks good.

“When the hell did you start running?” It's the first thing that comes out of your mouth, and it’s complete word vomit.

Juliet gasps dramatically. “Bad word, Mommy.”

Dannie tries and fails to hold in her laugh.

“You’re right,” you chuckle. “Bad word.”

Aaron, with a smile, answers your question. “The BAU is having a triathlon. I’m training for it.”

“When is it?” You ask without entirely meaning to. You hate how easily you fall right back into conversation with him, how easily he makes you dumbfounded just by his looks.

“In a few weeks, so I’ve got some time,” he breathes. “Mind if I sit?”

You shake your head, scooting over. “Here, I got some nuggets.” You ordered enough for the two of you to share, mostly to save money, but now you’re realizing the implications of it.

You don’t have time to think about that, though, because Juliet has been staring at Aaron for a few moments.

“Munchkin?” You ask. Dannie nudges Juliet’s arm.

“Didn’t you hit us in the grocery store?”

Dannie bursts into laughter then, unable to control it this time, and thankfully, Aaron laughs, too.

“I did,” he nods. “I’m really sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, Aaron,” Juliet says, going right back to her nuggets, sandwiching fries in between two pieces of chicken.

His eyebrows raise and he looks at you.

All you can do is shrug. “She forgets nothing.”

From there, lunch is...uneventful.

Juliet is more focused on playing than she is talking to Aaron, but thankfully, she doesn’t seem upset by him being here.

Dannie asks him a couple questions, mostly standard ones. “What’s the BAU like? I bet the hours suck. You’re unit chief, too, right?”

Aaron answers everything politely, and seems mostly at ease.

After a while, you begin to relax, too.

You have no choice, really, when Juliet feels comfortable to ask questions like, “Are you really my dad? Why weren’t you talking to my mommy?”

Aaron handles the questions like a pro. “I am. Your mom and I needed some time to ourselves, so that’s why we weren’t talking.”

“Adults are weird,” she says, but she seems satisfied with his answers and even hands him her Olaf toy. “I’m gonna go swing.”

Aaron chuckles and sets Olaf in the shade of his leg. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t melt.”

Juliet tilts her head. “He’s a toy, he won’t melt.”

This time you’re the one incapable of holding in your laughter.

“Dannie, come on!” Juliet yells out, giggling when Dannie nearly trips over her feet to stand up.

As they run off, you start picking up Juliet’s trash and stuffing it back in the bag.

“Here, I’ll run it over to the trash can.”

You turn your head to Aaron with a smirk. “You’ll run it over there? Promise?”

He gives you a look.

He doesn’t actually take it over to the trash can because he goes completely still, then says, “She has my eyes.”

You take a deep breath. “Yeah. She does. Your dimples, too.”

He smiles. “Thank god she got your nose, though.”

“What?” You whip your head around. “She has your nose.”

“She does not,” he argues. “And as I said, thank god.”

“Oh, shut up, I love your nose.”

His smile is never-ending. “Really?”

You move on from it quickly. “Thanks for meeting us today.”

“Thank you for letting me.”

You nod slowly, deciding to blurt out what’s been eating at you. “You know, if— If you’re doing this just to get a second chance with me, please don’t.”

“I’m not.”

“Because I don’t need that kind of stress, and Juliet doesn’t either—”

I said, “I know,” when you said I did you wrong/made mistakes, and put you through all of this

“Y/N,” Aaron’s hand rests gently on your arm, getting your attention. He lifts it when you stop talking. “I’m not. I’m doing this because I want to be a part of her life, as her dad. I wasn’t there for her, or you, and I’m sorry. I just want to make it right. Let me make it up to you — to her.”

You stare at him closely, watching. “You mean that?”

He nods. “I do. And I’m so sorry my actions in the past made you think differently of me.”

“I just don’t want her to get hurt,” you murmur. “She’s my baby.”

“I know,” Aaron says. “I know.”

+++

Co-parenting with Aaron is surprisingly easy. Or maybe he makes it easy.

Every Saturday, you and Juliet meet him in the park for a picnic lunch after he’s done training for the triathlon. Sometimes you get there early — which happens nearly every week as Juliet becomes more eager to see him — and you get to cheer Aaron on as he finishes his run.

Dannie comes sometimes, but the few times that she hasn’t have been just as pleasant.

Aaron keeps his word. He does this to spend time with Juliet as her dad, and he doesn’t make any advances on you. The two of you don’t even hug at the end of the afternoon, but Juliet has taken to running and jumping in his arms.

She’s growing more and more attached to him every week, and you hate the dread that you feel. So far, you’ve been lucky. Aaron’s cases have been during the week, so he hasn’t missed a single Saturday — yet.

It’s one of the reasons you are grateful for your transfer at the time four years ago. If you had been in as unpredictable of a job as the BAU when you were pregnant, or when Juliet was born, you have no idea how you would’ve done it. Your job now is a perfect 8 to 5, sometimes 6, but that’s only been a handful of times in the past four years.

Juliet is used to you being there every day. And now, she’s getting used to seeing Aaron every week. You’re just bracing yourself for the time when he has a case and won’t be able to make it.

You try not to think that far ahead, but you can’t help yourself. You were once an agent under him. You know just how crazy the BAU can get. You know exactly what to expect when it gets busy.

Which is why you don’t understand the feelings that are growing inside of you.

You told him he wasn’t getting a second chance — at least not right now. Because you don’t have it in you, and you don’t want to do that to Juliet if it doesn’t work out.

But that was before things started working out.

And you said, “When can I come back?”

Before he never missed a single Saturday. Before he insisted on a birthday dinner when he realized her birthday was a few months ago. Before she started running into his arms. Before he started lifting her up and spinning her around, listening to her giggles as she squealed, “Mommy! I’m flying!” Before she fell asleep on the blanket in the park, and he moved over to shield her from the sun, all while still talking to you.

Now, you don’t know what to do. It sounds awful, but you didn’t expect him to prove himself this well.

You’ve always loved him. That is easy enough to recognize and admit. But you never imagined feeling this way again.

“Mommy?” Juliet pushes your bedroom door open a little.

You sit up, patting your bed. “Good morning, munchkin. C’mere.”

She climbs into bed and right to your side, and you spread the blanket over her, letting her snuggle into your side.

After a moment, you think she’s asleep, but then she whispers, “Are you and dad going to stop talking again?”

You freeze. Up until now, Juliet has called him “Aaron.” Obviously, she knows Aaron is her dad, but she’s never called him that.

“Why do you ask that, baby?” You murmur, kissing the top of her head.

“I don’t want you guys to stop talking again. I like hanging out with him.” She buries her head further into your chest. “He makes me laugh.”

Tears fill your eyes. “He makes me laugh, too.”

“I know,” she smiles into your shirt. “He looks at you a lot.”

“What?”

“When you’re not looking,” she whispers, half-asleep again. “He smiles a lot. He has dimples like me.”

“He does,” you smile softly, wiping your tears away.

+++

The day of the triathlon, Juliet is more than eager to get to the park to cheer Aaron on.

You, on the other hand, feel like you could throw up from the thought of it.

Aaron told you the rest of the team will be there, and you’re grateful for the heads up, but you’re also nervous as shit. You haven’t seen them since your send off party. You haven’t texted with Penelope and Derek in...probably two years now.

He said he didn’t tell the team you’re coming because he didn’t want you to feel pressured, but he also warned you that the team has been questioning him nonstop if he’s seeing someone. He said he’s told them that he isn’t, but of course, they think he’s lying.

Dannie comes with to the triathlon, mainly because Juliet asked her to. It’s been a few days since Juliet has seen Dannie because she was out of town for work, but now she’s back, so Juliet wants her around all the time again.

You’re grateful for Dannie’s presence once again to calm your nerves and offer distractions at every second.

Surprisingly, you don’t see the team anywhere when you arrive, so you, Juliet, and Dannie set up your chairs and blanket peacefully. It’s a while before Aaron will be over here for the run, the last part of the triathlon, so Juliet breaks out her coloring book at your and Dannie’s feet.

You and Dannie spend the wait while idly talking, and after about an hour, the first cheers begin echoing out.

Juliet perks up with the noise. “Is that dad?”

Dannie’s eyes snap to yours and she mouths, “Did she?”

You nod, smiling stupidly. It brings you way more joy to hear Juliet freely call Aaron her dad. Way more joy than you thought.

“Maybe,” you stand up and reach for Juliet’s hand. “Let’s go see.”

Juliet grabs your hand and starts tugging you toward the front, and Dannie follows with a laugh, watching you get drug away by a four-year-old.

A few runners are passing by, but none of them are Aaron. Juliet is watching impatiently, and squeals when Dannie lifts her up onto her shoulders.

“Can you see now, munchkin?” You ask, your hand resting gently on her back, even though Dannie is holding onto her ankles.

Juliet nods. “I see him!”

You look down the way, and you see him, too.

Your lips split into a grin almost immediately. His black shorts, black t-shirt, with his number pinned to the front. His hair is slick with sweat, and yet, you still have a burning desire to run your fingers through it.

Aaron moves to the side, running right next to you, giving Juliet a high five on his way by, and you, too, only when his fingers graze yours, he squeezes.

As soon as he crosses the finish line, Juliet is scrambling out of Dannie’s arms, and when she hits the ground, she runs.

You’re running after her, Dannie too, calling her name, because she really shouldn’t run off like that.

But your nerves calm down the second you see Juliet jumping into her dad’s arms.

Slowing to a walk, you shake your head with a smile as Aaron spins her around, squeezing her tightly.

“Hey,” he says when he sees you. “I’m glad you guys could make it.”

“Me too,” you smile. “She wouldn’t let me miss it,” you nod toward Juliet.

“You’re smelly,” Juliet says out of nowhere, pinching her nose.

Dannie laughs loudly at her comment as Aaron sets her down. But despite her comment, she doesn’t move from next to him.

“Is that who I think it is?” Derek Morgan’s voice floats through your ears.

You turn around to face him, putting your hands on your hips. “Depends, who do you think it is?”

Derek grins wide. “Come here, you.”

You hug him tightly, and over his shoulder you see everyone else, all with shocked looks on their faces. JJ, Emily, Penelope, Spencer, and Rossi, too.

After giving out hugs all around, you look back to see Juliet still clinging to Aaron’s leg.

“Who is this?” Morgan asks quietly, kneeling down to Juliet’s level. “Hey there.”

She eyes him skeptically. “Hi.”

“Munchkin, this is Derek. He’s a friend, too.”

Derek waves.

“Do you like Frozen?” Juliet asks.

Derek nods seriously. “I love it.”

“Hmph,” she wraps her arm tighter around Aaron’s leg. The sight makes you want to crumble. She looks up at Aaron, and says, “Dad?” To get his attention.

Everyone stills. Even Derek.

“Yes, honey?” Aaron replies, kneeling down, too.

“Are they your friends, too?”

He nods. “We’re all really good friends.”

She shrugs. “Okay.” She looks around at everyone, and gasps when she sees Penelope. “I like your bracelet!”

Penelope looks down at it with a smile. “You wanna try it on?”

Juliet practically sprints toward Penelope with a dramatic nod.

While the two of them are playing with Pen’s jewelry, everyone else is looking at you and Hotch with blatantly shocked expressions.

“We’ll explain later,” you offer. “But the answer is yes.”

Rossi, bless him, breaks the awkward, silent tension. “Is anyone else starving?”

You laugh some nerves away. “Yeah, I am. We just need to go pack up our stuff.”

“I can help,” Aaron says.

“Okay, yeah,” you nod, glancing over at Juliet, but her, Penelope, JJ, and Emily are now sitting in the grass, talking animatedly about Frozen.

“I’ll stay over here,” Dannie says, nudging your arm.

“Thank you,” you murmur, trying to hide your dumb smile at the thought of being alone with Aaron, even if for only a few seconds.

Regardless, you try to keep your cool when you turn back to him. “We’re just over here.”

“Lead the way,” he gestures ahead.

You ignore all efforts to hide your smile now as you start walking. He falls into step beside you, his sweaty shoulder brushing yours, but you don’t mind.

And against all of your better judgement, you slide your hand into his.

His surprised look is priceless, and you can’t help the snort of laughter that escapes you. “What? Am I not allowed to make the first move?”

You don’t know if the red on his cheeks is from running or blushing. “No, no, you’re allowed.”

“Good,” you murmur, walking a little closer. Your things are far too close for your liking. You want to walk with him like this for longer.

When you stop next to your chairs, you don’t let go of his hand. He doesn’t let go, either.

“Can I ask something?” He says, squeezing your hand.

“Sure.”

He steps closer, his toes nearly touching yours. “If you make the first move, am I allowed to make the second?”

You can’t help the violent swarm of butterflies in your stomach. “I think that’s how that works.” You pause, tilting your head, gesturing to how close your feet are. “Was that your move?”

He shakes his head. “No. This is.”

That’s when, when I saw your face/You let me in, and baby, that’s when

Aaron’s free hand holds your jaw as he kisses you in the same tender, gentle way that he used to, only this one has four years’ worth of apologies in every touch. You let go of his hand to smooth your hands on his chest, his neck, any place you can touch because it’s been too long. Way too long.

That’s when I want you/That’s when I love you/That’s when

[cheelduh]

How to get Hit-listed by a Stonehide Lawachurl (High School AU!)

Part 6 of the highschool au

Parts: 1 2 3 4 5

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Synopsis: Childe’s a menace to everyone when playing dodgeball. Even as his new girlfriend, you’re no exception to his affinity for raising hell during the most tranquil of circumstances.

Warnings: Swearing, bad humor, and absolutely horrid spelling mistakes.

Words: 5.3k

Note: Longest chapter yet sheeeesh 🗿

Negotiation is an art.

Childe, or "Tartaglia" has utilized the art of negotiations in his daily life. Whether that be scamming the ninth graders with fake weed, or convincing the teachers why he doesn't deserve detention for injecting random fluids from the chem department into the school's resident pet frog.

All in all, by becoming an expert in the field of negotiations, Childe is nothing if not a master, tongue silver and smooth as he takes on a new opponent.

Which is why he dutifully negotiates with you on this Monday morning in front of the History classroom, getting down on one knee and pulling out a—

"I hope to Barbatos you aren't proposing Childe," You hiss, panicked eyes landing on the velvet box he's pulling out. "Considering that we're sixteen and still in highschool."

As if remembering those meagre details, Childe gulps and shoves the box back into his pocket. "Uhhh yeah, I was just, tying my shoelaces?" It comes out as a question.

You let out a sigh of relief, overlooking how he undoes his shoe laces just to do them all over again.

The ring burns in his pocket as he gets back up.

"Why did you call me here?" You ask, hand on your hip, foot impatiently tapping. The tap tap tap isn't because of impatience though, it's because you need something to cover the nervous palpitations of your heart.

He gives you a vicious smile, sinister enough to shake the bones of anyone who's observing, opens his daring mouth to show the imaginary sharpness of his teeth. Then with the confidence of about a hundred shirtless tiktok boys, he finally demands:

"If you don't become my girlfriend, I will kill—"

"Yeah sure thing." You answer before he can finish, soft smile growing.

Childe chuckles evilly, "I knew you'd say that, but I've come prep—wait a minute." He snaps out of his villain origin phase, stumbles back a bit, then his eyebrows are furrowing in confusion. "Did you just say yes?"

You nod, cheeks flaring up. "Don't make me repeat it." Then you look away, too embarrassed to see his reaction.

For a second, Childe's internal conflict following the chain of this event causes him to temporarily malfunction, and all he can do it stare at you in amazement.

It's only when you tell him to stop staring and jump off the school roof is when he snaps out of his daze, a grin festering on his face.

He lunges straight at you, giving you no time to deflect him as he wraps his bone crushing arms around you, then lands a soft smooch on your forehead.

"Let go of me you idiot!" You barely wheeze out, light headed not only because of your lungs being squeezed like oranges, but also because of the sloppy kiss he's delivered so ungracefully.

He does so reluctantly, and you're unamused, wiping the stickiness off your forehead with a sleeve as he steps back.

"Ew what the fuck?" You say, glaring at him. "What's wrong with you?"

He completely ignores you, giddy with excitement. "Ah girly, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. I can't wait to introduce you to my parents and eat lunch together and kiss each other during break—"

"Slow down." You tell him, as red as a tomato towards all his suggestions. "We've barely started dating."

"Oh," Childe stops momentarily, then nods in agreement. "You're right. We should start small. How about I walk you to class?"

"We're already in front of class." You nudge your head towards the classroom, and catch Zhongli and Venti peeking from the side of the door, trying not to be obvious.

You narrow your eyes at them threateningly.

Childe tugs your arm, lovingly looking you up and down. "Let's walk to class together anyways. In a circle."

A complete waste of time, yet it's impossible to say no to the face he's making.

Before you guys depart he suddenly stops, gasping loudly, remembers something important. "I have to make a quick phone call."

Childe speed dials Scaramouche, and the latter picks up annoyed, answers the phone with muffled sounds in the back. Something that sounds a bit like pleading and whimpering.

He then mutters something that forces dread into your system. "You can release the hostages."

You hear Scaramouche groan on the other end, muttering a "such a pain in my ass", but choose not to question it immediately.

As soon as the phone call is done and you're back by his side, you point at his phone questioningly. "What hostages Childe?"

He gives you a close eyed smile, taking the fifth.

"What hostages Childe?" You repeat again weakly.

—

First period goes by smoothly for the most part. Lisa, your so called best friend, once again is bought off like a corrupted politician by your new boyfriend. She sits far away from you, leaving you without any defences against the menace that dotes on you a bit too much.

Throughout class, all Childe does is score Venti's colourful pens, and then writes you annoying little love notes, using the expert origami skills he's learnt from Anthon to deliver them to you.

Despite the threat of distraction these notes pose, the corners of your lips can't help but tug upwards at his enthusiasm and attempt at poetry.

Zhongli makes sure not to ask you two any questions the entire class, leaving you to your own accord.

Lunch comes around soon enough, and your usual table of Diluc, Jean, Kazuha, and Lisa is disturbed by the torpedo that is Childe, and he brings collateral with him.

Kaeya whole-heartedly ceases the opportunity to sit near his stoic statue of a brother purely with the intention to annoy the premature crap out of him, but one look from the redhead sends the chicken-shit right back where he came from.

When Childe forcefu—lovingly feeds you the smiley fries and dinosaur nuggets his stunning mom packed him, Diluc looks just about ready to hurl.

Lisa winks at you two, Kazuha doesn't even bother looking, and Jean tries with upmost effort to keep Diluc from launching himself at the whipped fatui boy basking in your attention.

"Quit embarrassing me." You whisper-exclaim sharply, noticing how Jean passes Diluc—all green in the face, a puke bag discreetly. "Shouldn't you be doing something illegal right now? Or vaping in the stalls?"

"I quit vaping for you girlie." Childe boops your nose with his finger. "Well, at least full time. I still need a puff when I'm around Signora, to like, get rid of her awful vibes."

While it is endearing how he quit vaping for you, it doesn't lessen the need for you to bury yourself alive right here and now.

Then you sigh, pick up a Dino nuggie, and shove it in his mouth, the tip of his tongue flicking your finger. You die inside.

"There, you happy?" The action of feeding him is so...intimate, it sets your heart aflame.

Childe's a lovesick puppy when he chews, imaginary tail wagging a hundred times a second. "Can I have a kiss too?"

Diluc slams his hands on the table and stands up, hurriedly picks up his grape juice and makes a break for it. You don't blame him.

"I'll kill you." You smack him with a napkin, blazing red. "I'll end your pathetic little life right here and now."

By the end of lunch, Lisa and Jean have to restrain you so you don't break the world record for the maximum amount of mutilations that can be done on a single body.

Fourth period is a break. A break from Childe you mean. It's expected of the school's resident bad boy aka menace to skip classes in order to skip over the bodies of his victims.

You bask in the momentary peace, until it's disrupted by a tap on the window. Reckon it's nothing, maybe a bird flew into it, because intentional taps are impossible from the third floor. Except your conviction is hindered yet again by another tap.

What a nuisance.

You finally turn to look outside the window, face down, and spot Childe waving incessantly, rocks in hand, oozing with excitement that can't be concealed and a grin that nearly takes you into cardiac arrest. Without meaning to, you send him a small smile, waving back as Baal drones on about quantum superposition.

Successful in gaining your attention, he moves aside to reveal the hefty corpse of a stonehide lawachurl with a destructive path in its wake. The ridges and bumps of its hide are enough to do a number on the road, ruining the school's playing field.

Your smile drops down into a horrified frown in the span of a few seconds.

"Wow." Albedo, your lab partner whispers from next to you, for the first time distracted in class.

"Yeah," Kaeya whistles from behind you two, one hand supporting his head. "What a gesture."

"Y/N, I'd be grateful if you could possibly obtain a black crystal horn for me from the specimen." The blonde asks, entranced by the corpse that your boyfriend is flaunting off to you with pride.

"Aren't those things endangered cutie?" Lisa makes sure to butt in, as per usual.

Yes. Your boyfriend with several issues and an affinity for chaos brought you the corpse of an endangered geo-infused creature that's five times the size of him. During school hours too, the fiend. Like a cat dragging the corpse of a dead mouse to its owner.

You groan into your hands, heart racing while the fire is coursing through your veins.

That idiot.

—

Childe is exceptional at a lot of things, like the switch and making weapons out of seemingly harmless things (e.g shiv out of a toothbrush), but what he prides in the most is physical education. With washboard abs, uber tall height, and a dickish smile to top it all, he has everything it takes to showcase his top tier athletic abilities.

He pounces at the opportunity to show off in front of you, wanting nothing more than to have you fawn over his strength. He's sure it'll be enough to have you all over him, wrapping your cute little arms around his muscled ones, passing him his water bottle and dabbing away at the sweat on his forehead. Most of all, he daydreams you planting your soft lips on his to congratulate him after a big game.

Physical education, for you, is a pain. You may be good with your brain, but games exert more energy than necessary, and coordination that lacks logic entirely. You're just here for the credit. The over-achiever part of you walks the extra mile to ensure a grade in the high nineties.

Although witnessing Childe clad in the school shorts and matching polo shirt is enough to make this worth your while, you'll die before admitting it. Especially when he gawks at you as if it's the first time you're wearing the sports uniform yourself. It has you fidgeting with your fingers and tugging your shorts down nervously.

You try not to flip him off like you usually do, especially since it's not even been twenty four hours since he's asked you out.

Mr.Zhongli blows a whistle, calling all the students over to surround him. It's odd that he teaches most of the subjects at this school, seemingly the only adult present, but no one questions it in fear of genshin logic. Moving on, he explains that you have a dodge ball game today.

Lisa groans beside you. She hates anything that requires the exertion of energy, oftentimes bringing a book to read while everyone else screams in the background.

You're relieved, mainly because Childe and Tohma are usually captains, and Childe always picks you to be on his team as a means to flex his skills. For you, it means sitting back and watching him carry your team towards a straight A.

However, all your dreams are crushed when Zhongli announces the team leaders.

"Y/N, I trust that you'll lead the blue team to the upmost of your ability. Childe, prepare to lead the opposing red team."

Your knees shake as you stare at him in disbelief. "But Sir—"

"No buts Y/N." He scolds you lightly, checking off your names on the clip board. "I'd like to witness your exceptional leadership skills."

In reality, Zhongli just wants to reenact a lovers-on-opposing sides trope, wanting to see how the two of you crack under the pressure. In a way, it is an exercise of leadership.

Instead of picking teams, Zhongli assigns teams for the both of you according to his own judgement, trying to make it as fair as possible.

Lisa pats your back after your teammates are assigned, trying to cheer you up. "It's going to be okay. You guys are dating now, so he'll go easy on you."

You look up to meet Childe's eyes from across the court. He gives you a charming smile, which turns downright barbaric as he lifts up a thumb and motions to slash his neck with it. Then he wickedly mouths "I'm going to destroy you."

You blink and turn away as fast as you can in fear. "We're fucked."

Lisa, witnessing the entire ordeal nods alongside you, doing nothing to reassure you because she herself has given up.

Suddenly a hand lands on your shoulder gripping you tightly. "Let's wipe the floor with that g*nger." The voice is ice cold, threatening enough to send a shiver down your bones.

You turn to meet Rosaria, who frowns at you. Most of the time she doesn't really put an effort in dodgeball, but she must've seen your crestfallen expression, trying to comfort you in her own detached way.

Rosaria is the other school nurse in training, alongside Barbara, but somehow her patients end up more injured, sick, or mentally defiled than before they entered the room. She also spends after hours beating up Chads in the school parking lot. Also runs a blog with her booby co-author Kaeya that emphasizes mostly on the dark knight hero.

Spotting the rest of your team behind her, you begin to criticize them one by one.

Standing against the wall is Kaeya, pushing both his biddies up with his crossed arms like an absolute whore. He's breaking about several dress code rules right now. Venti is next to him, drunk off his butt as he beat boxes with Tohma.

Eula mutters under her breath, on and on about seeking revenge on Zhongli for putting her beloved Amber on the opposing team, promising him an unfortunate fate. Xiao is miserably squatting on the floor, sharp eyes observing everyone in the gym, scowl not ready to dissipate anytime soon.

Then you look over at Childe's team in the distance. Jean with a determined look on her face as she listens to Childe's game plan, and Diluc crossing his arms with his brows furrowed in concentration. Even Amber, the best baller in the school, is stretching out her arms, assisted by the gifted princess of the school, Ayaka.

Not only that, but Childe has the king of dodging on his team—Kaedehara goddamn Kazuha. Beidou shoots you a wicked smirk, winking at you until she's disrupted by Ningguang's shove.

"Oh my god." You cry out when the realization hits you, falling to your knees in despair. "We're completely fucked!"

"No we aren't." Rosaria mutters lowly. "You're only fucked if you want to be. Don't you dare throw in the towel before the fight has even begun."

"But I—"

"Stop it." She grumbles again, rolling her eyes. "You're being annoying now. If you lose the game, that makes him the dom. Don't you want to be the dom?"

She's right. You do want to be the dom.

Her words of encouragement, and not at all veiled insults somehow allow you to find motivation deep within yourself. You get up and stomp towards the rest of your team, calling their attention with your newfound confidence.

"Listen here soldiers!" You shout out, determination clear as day. "I know I am not capable of leading. I know that I barely have the physical capabilities needed to defeat the opposite team."

You take a deep breath, pointing at your cutie patootie boyfriend across the gym as you seethe. "But that man, that harbinger of chaos, that instrument of war, is nothing but a tyrant. And I cannot let such a tyrant be a victor in this battle. Not when innocent lives are at stake."

Tohma speaks up, sending you a bewildered look. "What lives—"

"Shut the fuck up soldier!"

"Yessir!" He immediately stiffens, saluting you.

"Are you ready soldiers?" Your voice booms, and everyone reinforces their priorities, except for Kaeya though. He just lazily smirks.

After Zhongli places the balls in the middle, everyone prepares for the battle of the century.

'Gods, please let us win this war' you pray to the archons above, closing your eyes in concentration.

'Give me the strength to flex my superior skills' Childe wishes, then adds on quickly 'also I want to dominate this world.'

'Give me the strength to make it to Friday.' Rosaria prays for nobody but herself, rolls her eyes at all the unnecessary dramatics of this dodgeball game.

"3..." "2..." "1..."

Zhongli ends the countdown by blowing hard into a whistle, signaling the beginning of the game.

Not even two seconds later a ball whooshes past a few of you at the speed of light, followed by a tail of fire. The ball of death kisses Kaeya square in the nose, sending him reeling back into a wall with enough sheer force to cause an indent.

Everyone winces.

Before you all can reel in from the initial shock and make sense out of wherever the hell that asteroid came from, Zhongli's voice booms throughout the gymnasium.

"Mr. Ragnvindr, headshots are strictly forbidden. You are out!"

With a scoff, Diluc, satisfied with his work, leaves the court with no apparent qualms. He accepts his defeat with the upturned corners of his lips.

Rosaria pokes Kaeya's body with the tip of her heels, then cringes when he shakes awake, up from his short lived knockout and sends a wink her way.

"Getting handsy when I'm unconscious? I didn't think you'd be one to partake in such vulgar activities." His eye twinkles in mischief, and if his momentary defeat at the hands of brother has him fuming, he doesn't show it one bit.

The only thing that keeps Rosaria from knocking him out for real is the blood that trails down onto his lip. She doesn't want to clean blood off her shoes, especially since it's a pain in the ass to get off.

You're about to tell them to get up and take this seriously, but a softball does your job for you when it darts straight at Rosaria. With pristine accuracy, the girl manages to pitch herself away last minute.

You swivel in Childe's direction, who wears a remorseless grin, which only grows wider once you pick up a blue softball next to your feet.

The glare that he receives has him shaking in exhilaration. More so than the elation he'd felt when he took down that Stonehide Lawachurl for you, as a gift of promise.

You begin to bark out orders. "Eula, Xiao, and Rosaria cover the front and act as decoys."

They nod immediately, but Xiao still clicks his tongue in distaste as he starts following orders.

Then you offer Kaeya a hand. "Get up princess. You're on sniper duty."

With Diluc out of commission, the battle is fair and square now considering both sides have the same amount of people. Ergo, no one's at a disadvantage.

That is—until Lisa fake trips over pure air, landing on the floor in a dramatic slow motion.

You roll your eyes.

"Oh dear! I think I've twisted something." She cries out, crawling away from the battle field, acting as if she's paralyzed completely. "Don't worry about me. I'll cheer you on from afar. The battle has begun, and it seems as if I've become the first casualty."

You don't let the countless amount of Lisa's betrayals get to you, even this one. It's just her personality to flake out on anything and everything that requires her to do more than below the bare minimum.

Focusing on the match, your eyes are only on Childe, just as his are on you.

You aim the ball straight at his ribs, step back a bit, then propel the ball in the air with as much energy as you can, using your entire body as a power outlet. The ball spins in the air, reaching the awaiting victim.

Childe, unbothered, dodges the ball with perfect precision, the ball not even grazing his clothes at the least.

Your jaw drops open, and you're about to move for another ball until he grabs the same ball you threw at him. With the sharpness of a predator locking in on its pray, he focuses on you like a missile locks on its target, launching the ball in the air for power that has you trembling, second to the powerful ball that was thrown by Diluc.

With your pupils dilated at your impeding doom, it's Xiao that grabs you and thrusts away.

The ball lands on the floor, smoke rising.

"Holy shit!" You shriek over everyone else's grunts and shuffles. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"Isn't it poetic?" Childe shouts back while he slides away from the balls being thrown. "Lover against lover. Either you're by my side, or in my way. And right now, you're in my way." He narrows his eyes dangerously. "Albeit reluctantly, I will take the victory babe. Even if we are on opposing sides."

"There was zero reluctance in that throw asshole!"

You thank Xiao, who wipes his hands on his pants in disgust. "Filthy humans. So pathetic and weak."

Mildly offended, you roll your sleeves up and begin to fight with everything you've got as soon as he walks away.

The dodgeball game goes as expected for the most part, Eula carrying for most of it with the flow of her skills.

Tohma actually tries like the presumptuous asshole he is, aims straight for his girlfriend Ayaka, and takes her out completely. His only justification for that is "I ain't no simp!"

He shelves his cocky attitude when facing Childe with a sense of dignity and prestige you didn't think he had in him.

The two one of a kind fuckbois puff out their chests so that they look more hefty than they are, having some kind of an Alpha match. The 'me stronger than you. me dominant. me get all the women' type beat.

Unfortunately, Childe manages to fence him with his throws, and lo and behold, the square off ends with a dejected Tohma dragging his feet to the nearest bench.

Eula oversees that Ningguang and Beidou meet a quick end, taking their slower dodging to her advantage. You're actually rooting for her, tasting a sliver of victory that you haven't reached yet. So close, yet so far.

Amber trips on herself in the middle of throwing a what should've been coordinated ball, and it loses most of its momentum. Xiao is directly in front of it, and will probably be able to catch it with ease.

Ah, another short victory.

If Childe loses his expert baller, he's only left with Kazuha and Jean, whom's lack in the art of throwing is made up by their ability to dodge most of the fastballs.

However, all your plans and hopes are crushed when Eula slides in front of Xiao last minute, sticks out her foot, and let's the pathetic product of Amber's would-be downfall hit her on the leg with the total force of about 0.0000001 newtons.

Your chances of winning have just went down by a staggering 60%.

"Eula!" You cry out, collapsing on the ground. "How could you?"

Tohma cups his mouth and bellows obnoxiously from the bench. "SIMP!"

"I cannot avenge my clan if I win a false victory." Eula crosses her arms, casting her gaze down in visible uncomfortableness. "Amber will pay her dues in two business days. Mark my words."

It all a load of cap. She's sleeping with the enemy and you know it.

You grit your teeth. Fuming with an abundance of rage, you pick up three balls and throw them all back to back, taking out Amber and Kazuha simultaneously.

Childe's heart flutters in another kind of delight when you pluck out his team members one by one with no hints of remorse.

In retaliation, Jean and Childe work in sync to swiftly take care of a distracted Rosaria.

"Shit." You hiss underneath your breath.

It's Venti, Kaeya, Xiao, and you who are the only remainders of your short-lived team. It's still two more people than Childe and Jean, giving you the upper hand briefly.

It's a mystery to everyone how Venti is still standing. You reckoned you would've lost him as collateral during the beginning of the match, but it seems he's able to hold his own.

When you squint hard enough, you realize that Xiao has been t-posing in front of the nonchalant SoundCloud rapper that's about as high as a kite. He must've been defending him throughout the entire round.

His defenses are all in vain once Childe correlates another attack with Jean, sharp-shooting four rapid balls that are secured on their targets.

Xiao swerves to the side, avoiding most of them, until one is about to reach a nonchalant as shit Venti.

You scream at him, eyes widening as you run towards them in slow motion. "NOoOoOOOo-"

The yaksha doesn't waste a moment, shifting so that he's covering Venti's body with his own, which to be honest is a pretty heartwarming sight.

The ball hits his lean back, a sharp thud following when it hits the floor.

Xiao is out. But his sacrifice is so inspiring that it brings tears to Zhongli's eyes, makes everyone in the gym go silent in awe.

Even the sadistic Childe melts, cerulean eyes gaining back their light, halting his fire.

When Xiao finally uncovers Venti's body, he speaks from the bottom of his dead heart. "I'd do anything for you..."

Venti shakes out of his baked state, blinking at him stupidly with a nervous chuckle. "Ehe~? I don't even know who you are."

The entire class sweat drops. Whatever slip of compassion on Childe's face earlier has become nothing but a memory. Even your eyes dim.

The next time Childe aims and locks at Venti, it's not with malicious intent. It's a favour, for you. In a way it adds dimension to who he is and the lengths he's willing to go for you, even at war.

Venti steps away with a bounce in his gait, hands behind his head.

Kaeya and you are the only ones left standing now, and the game becomes too tight knit to tell which side's going to win. It becomes utter chaos, balls being launched every second, stamina slowly decreasing as everyone lurches away from their demise.

As laid-back  and charming as the boy presents himself to be in front of the ladies, he's not very patient when it comes to facing circumstances like these. He's side lined for most of the match, finding it boring. And when Kaeya gets bored, the intensity of the tide changes, and everyone knows they're going to get a run for their money.

Kaeya coasts a hand around your hips, pulls you real close, purposefully leaning his bust into the side your innocent arm.

When Childe's smile drops, and the glint in his eyes reads 'DANGER' in full caps, you know it's time to be properly scared.

Your blood runs cold, mouth opening briefly and then clamping shut immediately.

"I'm so glad to be on your team Y/N. Maybe this'll give us the chance to become...closer." His hot breath fans against your ear, voice loud enough to be heard by onlookers.

Suddenly everything stops, falling into an unsettling silence.

You attempt glance at Childe, being met with a glare that's directed at the Captain of the Skating team. The ball in the orange-haired boy's hand deflates from the sheer intensity of the squeeze.

The tension becomes unreadable. Even Zhongli is caught mid-sip with his tea.

Quickly, you shrug off Kaeya's arm. "Childe, he's just fucking with you—"

Childe cuts you off by hurling a ball with nothing but the objective of cold blooded murder.

Kaeya whizzes past you, successfully ducking to avoid the hit, and his amused laugh rings through your ears. He rolls away from the following attacks, chucking his own series of colourful balls.

The events that unfold are blood-curdling enough to make even Satan boil his pants with diarrhea.

You take the clear opportunity presented by their concurrent dumbassery to take out Jean, the ace of the other team.

Childe's rage blows over when Kaeya eventually loses interest and takes the L, playfully winking at you while walking backwards to the rest of your team.

Now that all the distractions are dealt with, Childe's eyes flicker to you, and you share a murderous glance.

"Finally," He slaps the softball with a free hand, lips thinning into a homicidal smile. "I've been waiting for this. You better not disappoint me."

While Childe may be a violent anarchist who's only aspiration in life is to become a government contracted killer, he's also supposed to be your sweet boyfriend.

Slowly, you inch towards the front. "We don't have to do this Childe. We can coexist peacefully."

"Peace was never an option Y/N." He sighs, cracking his neck. "Besides—how else can I prove myself in your eyes? You may be my greatest weakness, but you are also my greatest adversary."

"I don't know, maybe start with not trying to obliterate me?"

"I'm obliterating you out of respect." He counters with a playful pout.

"Well I'll be paying my respects to your grave!" You lurch ahead into a sudden assault, yeeting as many balls as you can his way.

"That's my girl!" Childe whistles, grin widening psychotically when he goes all out, leaving you with an absence in favorable openings.

Out of nowhere, the fire alarms start going haywire, along with a beep in the PA system, which stops you two in your tracks.

A panicked voice of who you assume to be Yanfei shrieks through the comms. "CODE ORANGE! CODE ORANGE! EVACUATE THE BUILDING, THERE'S A STONEHIDE LAWACHURL ON THE PREMISES."

As if on cue, the ground starts rumbling and a Stonehide Lawachurl bursts through the halls and into the gym, looking around for something. Or rather, someone. It's sharp bumps and ridges make an indent on the floor, cracking it in.

Everyone falls into a state of panic, Zhongli trying his best to evacuate the class from the emergency back door as quickly as possible. "Settle down class, we have to follow protocol."

You, devoid of any emotion or sense of fear, turn to your boyfriend in such a calm manner it strikes an ominous dread in his stomach.

You stare.

Childe stares harder.

“I thought you killed it."

"I did." He retorts slowly, switching to gaze at the raging beast in amazement.

"Then why is it in the school!" You seethe, glaring daggers at his side profile.

Childe chuckles sheepishly, scratches the back of his neck. "I may or may not have stuffed the body in the boys washroom. Y'know, for safe keeping?"

The Lawachurl locks it's gaze on you, the prey, and then roars furiously. Turning into its geo-enhanced state, it begins charging at you with all its might, the target being solely Childe.

Leave it to your boyfriend to get on the hit list of an endangered beast.

"Fear not my vibrant girlfriend. Our first date can be surviving this." Childe cheekily kisses the top of your trembling hand before grasping it tightly and making a run for it.

[loser-hub]

Valentine's Day Headcannons! Is it early? Yes! Do I care? Not a bit! A part two with some Pro's is coming soon!

Warnings: A hint of spice here and there, all characters are aged up to 21+ at least!

Izuku Midoriya

Has had your date planned for a month, at least, having planned since Christmas.

Valentine's Day is the day about love, couples, expressing your feelings and spending time with your significant other. Or that's what every commercial says when the month changes, bombarding everyone with pink, red and kisses.

Izuku soaks up every moment of it like a sponge.

He's not the best at expressing his feelings, always stuttering and tripping over himself, so he relies on acts of devotion, affection of gift giving to show you how much he appreciates and loves you.

Has a notebook dedicated to the day. Countless scribbles about what you like, what you don't, what you're allergic to, and any fact that could help him plan the perfect date.

The day starts and its all about you from the get go.

Gets you clean with a bath with candles, rose petals, bath bombs, bath oils, the absolute works. Spent way too much time and money at Bath & Bodyworks picking out your favorite things in case you were low.

Nervously picks at his nails while he waits, now second guessing himself and doubting if he might've gone overboard with everything.

Invite him in and he'd be on Cloud Nine!

The rest of the day goes however you'd like, whatever you want and he's at your beck and call. Driving you around to your favorite stores to staying home and chilling out on the couch, he just wants to spend time with you and see you happy. If you're happy then he's happy!

After getting cleaned Izuku takes you up to this scenic hill outside the city that looks over a field of flowers, allergy pills at the ready! He sets down a plaid blanket and breaks out his picnic basket full of your favorite foods and drinks.

He'll keep you there until the sun sets, holding you close to his chest as you two watch the sky turn to pinks and oranges.

Bakugou Katsuki

The polar opposite of Izuku's feverish planning.

He's more of an "oh, it's V-Day? Cool, I guess" kind of guy.

Shows up at your door out of the blue, no warning, no nothing, a box of chocolates under his arm as he thrusts a bouquet of flowers into your face. "Coincidentally" your favorite kind.

"Saw it was Valentine's Day and I'd be a fucking shitty boyfriend if I didn't bring you something, I guess. Get dressed, we're going out...somewhere...wherever you want."

Drags you out and pulls you along, opening his car door for you, closing it, being the gentleman that he secretly is.

Takes you to a little café on the outskirts of town he found one evening while patrolling, it seemed really nice and cute and thought of you when he saw it. So why not take you here for a little date?

Hands stuffed in his pockets he wanders inside, glued to your side.

Although like Deku, he's not the greatest at verbal affection. Sure he can scream and yell his feelings in anger but expressing how he felt about you? That stumped him.

Bakugou also prefers acts of service and gift giving as his love language, this man cannot articulate his love for you to save his life.

So moments like these are the most endearing moments of his character.

Let's you order whatever you want and subconsciously gets the same so you both can talk about how good/bad it was and so, if you did like it, he could cook it for you at home.

Shoto Todoroki

Oh dear please help this poor boy.

He has no idea what Valentine's Day is.

You'd have to be the one to suggest doing something or surprise him with a date, because he has no idea.

Its not that he doesn't care but he's simply never put stock into the lovey dovey holiday meant for couples, love and all that.

Show up at his door for a change!

He'll be pleasantly surprised and oh-so happy to see you there, even if he's rushing out the door so Enji, Natsuo and Fuyumi don't get wind of your arrival.

You'll never be left alone if they realize your there.

He prefers to drive, he doesn't know why but being in a car with you driving to a restaurant is strangely domestic. Since it is V-Day and you've so nicely explained to him what it means and the context around the holiday, you two decide to go to a fancy upscale place for a change.

Shoto decides to go all out, taking himself and you to a dressing shop and has you pick out an outfit while he gets a black suit with a red tie.

Its not often Shoto cleans himself up but when he does, wow.

Not to worry about reservations, all he has to do is show up and break out his gold credit card and the receptionist's eyes bug out of her head. Being Endeavor's kid has its perks on occasion and the staff takes you two to a secluded booth specifically for hero's and their partners.

Lit by candlelight you two share a multiple course meal, desert and feed each other rose topped chocolates.

An overall cheesy yet romantic date that he'll never forget.

Tomura Shigaraki

He's one of the ones whose bombarded with lovey dovey shit the second January turns to February.

Every MMO RPG in his collection does a Valentine theme in some way so its impossible for him to escape all the pink and red.

Those are the worst two weeks of the year.

He drops everything and plunges himself to the most gorey and eventless games he can find to get his mind off V-Day...well, before you came along.

Now seeing the themed events makes him pause, change his mind even, reconsider if you feel so inclined.

It all came to a head once he saw matching skins. Husband and wife, partners in crime, the list was endless for the game you two played together. Yep, he was going to do something.

Going out of the hideout during a busy holiday like today was out of the question so you rightfully suspected nothing would happen, Shigaraki wasn't going to whisk you away to a secluded hill and have a picnic. He wasn't that kind of man and he might scrape off bits of skin if put in that kind of situation anyways.

Nope, instead you were scooped up off the couch and hauled to his room. Plopped right down in the other chair of your couples gaming setup.

Your headphones on, game loaded up, hand on the mouse and your boyfriend mumbling how he needed "help" for the event.

"Tch, don't read too much into it Player Two, I get more XP if I'm in a group so you're coming with me. Just be my Love Healer and I'll DPS our way through the bosses."

Needless you weren't going to ask why your character was suddenly in a frilly dress with a bouquet instead of your normal staff.

Dabi

The most casual and uninspired ass you can possibly imagine.

Days all mix and warp together for Dabi so he doesn't know what day it is until he sees an abnormal amount of couples out and about. The shameless displays of affection was nauseating.

But hey, the shopkeeps were too busy with entitled Karens to notice some of their stock had gone missing.

No one pays attention to the burnt chicken nugget holding a massive stuffed bear and a plastic bag full of sweet on today of all days, normally he has to keep to the streets and be a sneeki beeki boi but this is the one day except for Halloween that he can get away with being in public. The stuffed animal a convenient hiding place when he gets looks.

His cover is blown when the plush is pushed into your open window first. He loves hearing your scream of surprise when he sneaks in but he can't do that very well with a four foot bear on his back...maybe next year.

Gets everything set up while you're worrying over him and making sure he wasn't seen or followed. You're too cute for your own good, worrying about him over yourself and what the police would do if they found out.

Today is definitely needed, for both of you. Time alone to just chill and cuddle.

Wrapped up in blankets, drinking some shitty stolen wine, eating sweets and laughing at how stupid the main characters of the rom-com marathon are.

The morning after you find yourself alone but at least now you'll never fall asleep alone with your Dabi scented teddy bear.

[deripmaver]

4 5 6 for ALL OF THE CaPri FANFICS

LKSJMDHGVLKSJ ALL OF THEM???

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue? 5: What part was hardest to write? 6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

Ink On Paper (tongue fic) 4. lmfaoooooooo there isn't a whole lot of dialogue in this one oop-

Laurent nodded. The wax softened as he pressed his hand into it, erasing his previous message. Soft, warm, melting under his touch. He wrote again, I need someone who is not afraid to read out the insults I make towards the idiots at court. You have been fired, Damianos.

i guess it technically counts lmfao. i just wanted to show laurent post-trauma still able to make jokes and snipe at his husband so it wasnt all doom and gloom 5. i'm not sure exactly what "hardest to write" here means because like... a lot of these fic have serious gore or otherwise upsetting content, but both emotionally and actually writing wise i find that kind of thing actually pretty easy to write hahahaha. i think i got stuck with the chronology and the decision to make it non-linear made it flow a lot better. for the record writing laurent getting raped and then having his tongue cut out was actually very easy to write, i think i got it out in basically one go. #cancelme the more fucked up and intense the easier i find to nyoom through it 6. my first ever fic in the capri fandom!!!! hehehehhehehe <333333 Level Of Concern (plan B fic) 4.

Before Nicaise could say anything, Laurent spat, “Does he know you had your first heat?”

SURPRISE nic was the one who was pregnant the whole time!!!!!!! 5. this one i banged out REALLY quickly so i cant think of anything here 6. capri omegaverse!!!!!!! i wish there was more of this 🥺🥺🥺 Like Me (what if Auguste was also abused fic) 4. ******CW INCEST MENTION CW ABUSE MENTION******

“Your brother’s stuck his dick in every single member of your family,” Auguste spat out, laughing, crying, and so miserable he thought his heart would stop. His voice rose again, and he felt something burst from him as he screamed for the whole world to hear, “Did you know that? Did you, huh papa? Did he fuck you too?”

dude this line is so fucked up lmfao but i enjoyed writing it so much. actually this entire scene where auguste is having his breakdown was really intense to write and im really pleased with how it came out OR

Auguste grabbed him suddenly, looking up into his grief-stricken face desperately. “Please, Laurent,” he pleaded, voice breaking. “Please. Don’t let him end up like me.”

i felt entirely too clever with this line lmfao. i was like ~ooooohhhhh title drop~ im so dumb 5. i just remember this one like. dragged on for some time. i couldnt figure out what to do with it, how to get everything to coalesce around the final reveal about auguste 6. plot twist!!!!!!! plus auguste angst. i really enjoyed this one, i wrote it after watching the movie Spotlight which is one of my all time faves Softly, Gently 4.

“My King has been overexerting himself again, I presume?” Paschal sighed, shaking his head with a fond smile. “When have I ever done that?” Laurent cocked his head to the side, a wry smile on his face.

hehehehe sassy laurent my beloved <33333 5. honestly im just going to skip this one from now on lskjghmvlksjhglkvsjhdl i just get "stuck" sometimes without rhyme or reason and its usually on boring stuff, but then i cant remember later. the hardest part for me is when my dumb fucking adhd brain wont let me focus on writing but once i overcome that its usually pretty smooth sailing 6. horny omegaverse.................... my beloved............... giving men vaginas for horny reasons my beloved......................... Water of Life (birth fic)

“Do you want to hold him?” Erasmus breathed, eyes glassy. The baby cried, Erasmus bouncing him tenderly in those sunkissed arms. He looked apologetic. “Only for a moment, it’s not quite over yet.” A playful smile danced on Erasmus’ lips, and he brushed away a slick, damp curl from the wailing baby’s head. “A head this big, he certainly takes after Exalted.”

a cute, fun lil line in the sea of horrible angst lmfao ORRRRRR

Erasmus knelt before Damen, before Laurent. He said, “Exalted… Can you command his Highness to push?” Damen froze. “Do you mean…?” Erasmus nodded. “Alpha command.” Damen’s expression crumpled. He said, in a voice that shattered Erasmus’ heart, “I can’t. I can’t do that to him.” Erasmus licked his lips. “Exalted, in this state, he can’t push. His contractions are weaker. He’ll-” “I can’t,” Damen cried, clinging to Laurent’s limp body like a lifeline. “He’d… He’d never forgive me.”

damen is so sweet........ he loves laurent so much...... ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

He stopped at the doorframe, turning to face Laurent with tears in his eyes, and whispered, “How long does it take, your Highness?” Laurent, shocked enough to respond, hissed, “What?” “I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking of it,” Erasmus said, voice thick in his throat, tears burning at his eyes. “How long until it’s over?”

real sad hours if u up click like. i love erasmus and laurent bonding over their shared trauma <33333333333333333333 laurent and erasmus friendship propaganda 24-fucking-7 bay bee!!!!! 6. unironically this is one of my fav fic ive ever written skdljmfhgvlksjdhflmgkvjshldkjfghvmls call the midwife is one of my favorite shows and writing this made me look at birth as something visceral and possibly horrible and traumatic. i wanna write more fucked up birth scenes, SO MANY MORE. ridley scott knew what he was doing Sandalwood (erasmus/kallias my sweet boys i love u so much) 4.

“I do,” Erasmus breathes, ducking his head, flushed as though embarrassed. “In the gardens, the perfume from the orange trees all around us on those summer nights.” Kallias smiles behind him – Erasmus knows his body so intimately he can feel it in how Kallias’ posture changes, though he can’t see the soft turn of his lips. “The scent was so cloying I thought it would drive me mad. It made me want to kiss you senseless.” Erasmus laughs, breathlessly, imagining the warm heat of Kallias’ mouth against his. “Don’t blame that on the orange trees, dear one.”

beloved..................... im weeping.......... 6. these two make me fuckign CRY ON THE REG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH MY SWEET BOYS YOU DESERVE THE WORLD- Wisps of Smoke******************* (lauguste fic) 4. ***CW EXPLICIT INCEST*** (i mean....... obviously lmfao)

“Call me what I like,” Auguste growled against his ear. “You know what I like.” He did. Laurent did. He knew everything Auguste liked – the slow flick of Laurent’s tongue on the underside of his cock, that tender spot behind his earlobe, the way Laurent’s thighs looked straddled atop him like his horse – and this. “Brother,” Laurent gasped, desperate, “Brother, please, harder. Harder.”

i wanted the incest to be explicitly part of the kink here lmfaoooooo 6. hehehehehehehhehehehhehe lauguste................... i need to write more of u But I Love It (laurent is allergic to latex fic) 4.

“Laurent,” Auguste said, voice high in warning. Laurent braced himself, stiffening visibly. With what seemed to be monumental effort, Auguste continued, “You know, Laurent. I’m proud of you.”

IM A SOFT BITCH OK???????????????? auguste is PROUD of his baby bro for overcoming his sexual trauma and getting that fat dick 6. SLJHVDLMKJDHGVLK PEOPLE FUCKING LOVED THIS FIC i tried to be funny and i think it worked. plus some softe bits thrown in. i also kind of see lots of humor fic where its a no abuse au, but i wanted to write something comedic where the regent still. existed u kno????? anyways hahahahha i dont think i can write anything like this again but im glad y'all liked it Is It Cold In The Water (slice of life fic) 4.

Laurent opens his mouth to say something cheeky, but instead, what comes out is: “Do you think Aimeric had the right idea?” Damen is quiet for so long, gaze serious and framed with his long, dark lashes, that Laurent wonders if he’d spoken aloud at all – and when he’s sure he had, he realizes Damen had remembered Aimeric after all. When he speaks again, the sleep is gone from his voice. “Laurent,” Damen says carefully, as though approaching a spooked horse, “Is something wrong?”

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 soft,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 6. ruby likes this fic lskjdvhmflgksfjdhmvglkjsdhflkvgmjhlekjfhdvlgskjfhv im a SIMP- The Devil's Got Nothing On Me (AIMERIC FIC LEGGOOOO) 4. there are lots of lil nuggets in here!!!!

Aimeric blinks, and all he can think is, you knew? He says, "I – I just." "I am a patient man," Guion breathes, "I support everyone in my household. Everyone. But Aimeric, you are truly testing my patience. Your mother came to me in tears, begging me to find you. Look at what you did to her! There was nothing I could say until we found you!" "I'm sorry," Aimeric whispers, looking at Loyse, "I'm-" "Look at me," Guion roars.

this conversation was inspired by a very miserable encounter with my boss lmfao. fuck that guy and fuck guion

The regent, blue eyes sparkling - and Aimeric has never thought eyes could look just like a summer sky until now - says to Guion but really to Aimeric, "I was thinking I could take little Aimeric riding tomorrow. Just the two of us." Loyse says, before Guion can speak, voice trembling with relief, "I think that's a wonderful idea, your Highness."

~dramatic irony~ lmfaoooooooooo. WE know of course that this is a bad thing, but it's always fun to have characters make bad choices that they have no idea are bad. i also did this briefly in "Like Me" with auguste's ex wife taking nicaise to church because she was so overwhelmed at home and he offered to help. of course, the regent is always happy to help out. evil evil evil

"-was worried it might be difficult for him." A soft, lilting laugh. The guards had said the regent was in the library, and then there is Guion, right there with him. Aimeric is suddenly angry, not sure why his father is with the regent, who is his and no one else's. The regent responds, "I daresay it's been perfectly easy. It seems you've done most of the work already."

i wanted to highlight the fact that it was aimeric's neglect that lead him to the regent in the first place. hence "youve done most of the work already" - guion by ignoring and neglecting aimeric created the perfect environment for the regent to sweep in and take advantage. like leaving food out btwn 40-140 F is a perfect breeding ground for bacteria LOL. the books touch on that but i wanted to make it explicit

He is so, so ashamed. It's unbearable, the thought of her kind eyes, the way she cried for him, the way he pushed her away. Before he'd left to join the prince's guard, she had taken his hand, kissed it, and said in a voice fragile as glass, "It's been such a long time since I've seen you smile like that," but in that moment he could think only of the regent's letter warm in his pocket.

6. honestly i know ive sounded super conceited this whole time but i kind of tear up whenever i read through the end of the fic lmfao. aimeric is just so fucking depressing as a character and i love that i really got to explore that in this fic. he really didnt have anyone, did he????? he's like a tragic greek character where you just watch him stumbling towards his inevitable end and it hurts the whole time. its even worse on the reread ANYWAYYYYYYY thats it. thanks so much for the ask anon!!!!!!! feel free to send me more!!!

[artificialqueens]

Not Nineteen Forever (1)(Branjie/Scyvie)- Ortega

a/n: in all seriousness could whoever deleted this not just send me anon hate or something similar like a normal fucking person? this was wildly inconvenient to go through and re-italicise all over again xo

Trigger Warning: mentions of alcohol, drug use, and a graphic description of vomit. lovely.

Summary: Brooke, Yvie and Nina are three flatmates who forged a friendship in their first year of university and picked up some other waifs and strays along the way. Now in their final year, there are feelings that need to be unravelled and confessions to be made whilst navigating drunk nights, hungover mornings, takeaways, group chats, library meetups, cafe gossiping, and the small matter of getting a degree.

***

Brooke wished her friends were the type of girls who all got up early, went for a run and then grabbed a granola-and-pastries brunch in a cute, kitchy cafe somewhere before their tutorials.

Instead, she found herself woken at 11am with a pounding headache, nausea swirling through her stomach, and a piercing buzz from her flat’s intercom system ringing through the hallways. Groaning, she lay back and squeezed her eyes shut, hoping and praying that one of the other girls would answer. To her anguish, the noise came again.

“Fuck,” she sighed, the sheer action of rolling over in bed making her want to throw up as she grabbed her dressing gown, trudged to her door and then into the hallway the size of a shoebox to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Delivery,” came the crackly voice on the other end of the phone. Brooke frowned.

“We didn’t order a-”

“Yes we did,” a voice hissed, as the loud click of a fire door echoed through the hallway and a guilty-looking face with last night’s makeup smudged all over it peered round the door.

Brooke’s speech caught in her throat. Shaking her head, she spoke again. “Yeah, send it up.”

Rolling her eyes as her flatmate slunk out of her room, Brooke fixed her with a stare. “Yvie, I’m going to fucking drown you in your large Fanta, you know that, right?”

“Ugh, what a beautiful way to die,” the other girl drawled, her vocal fry even more pronounced than usual as her dry, cracked vocal cords suffered under the effects of way too much alcohol (and what could have been a hit of the bong when they got home- Brooke couldn’t remember). Yvie was draped in a hoodie that was two sizes too big for her but still didn’t cover the fact that she’d neglected to put on any pyjama pants and was about to answer the door to the UberEats driver in her underwear. Shaking her head, Brooke pushed open the door to the kitchen and was immediately hit with a backdraught of eldritch fumes- the combination of her wine, Yvie’s rum and Nina’s gin from last night’s predrinks knocked her for six and immediately had her running to the bathroom and wrenching the lid of the toilet bowl open. As she fell to the ground and immediately started spewing up inexplicably orange foam, she could hear the delivery driver arriving and Yvie taking her food. Trying to control the nausea, Brooke took a deep, shuddery, fragile breath in through her nose.

“That is grim,” came Yvie’s voice from the doorframe. “Are you suffering, boo?”

Brooke narrowed her eyes, but didn’t turn round from her position on the floor. “No, not at all! I’m fresh as a fucking daisy, bitch! Ready for round two! Get pouring the Sauvignon-”

Unfortunately, she cut herself off with another round of bile that shot itself out of her mouth. Brooke could tell Yvie was rolling her eyes and she hadn’t even turned around.

“I bought two twenty nug boxes, but I won’t eat them all. I’ll be on the sofa with them when you’re ready.”

Brooke gasped and shuddered, wiping her mouth, standing up shakily and finally flushing all the evidence of her rough night of drinking away. She tottered to the sink and looked at herself in the mirror, horrified by the mess of a reflection staring back at her. She’d managed to get herself into her pyjamas when she’d got home but had piled all of her hair on top of her head like a blonde birds’ nest and secured it haphazardly with a single hairtie, making it stick out from all different angles. She’d got most of her makeup off but a good amount of her eyeliner and shadow still remained, and the dark pink liquid lipstick she’d been wearing had left a ring of colour around the outside of her lips. She frowned as she lifted one arm and saw a set of three scratches, like fingernails, going from her elbow down to her wrist. Brooke had less than zero recollection of how they’d got there.

Reaching for her toothbrush, she squeezed entirely too much toothpaste onto the head, ran it under the tap, then scrubbed harshly at her teeth like she was scrubbing barnacles off a big rock. There weren’t many positives to a hangover, but the feeling of brushing her teeth the morning after a night out was like heaven to Brooke. It got rid of a multitude of sins and left her one step closer to feeling like an actual human again.

Finally ready for social interaction, she went back into their kitchen-slash-living room, the stench of the alcohol not making her want to completely die this time around. There, she found Yvie curled up on the green couch under the not-quite-clean, not-quite-dirty blanket that had been there when they’d moved in and hadn’t been washed since. She was watching something that she’d stuck on TV and was munching at a cheeseburger with a grim determination. Brooke threw herself down onto the battered old armchair beside her and peered into the cavernous McDonalds’ bag.

“Nugs?”

Yvie reached into another bag beside her and produced a rectangular box. “Nugs.”    

As Brooke took the box from her and ripped it open, Yvie pulled a doe-eyed face and simpered. “Maybe nugs will be our always.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Brooke laughed through a mouthful of chicken nugget. She cast a glance to the wall behind them and frowned. “Is Nina alive?”

Yvie shrugged. “Doubt it.”

Panic rose up in Brooke’s body, which Yvie clearly sensed. “Bitch. She got home fine, don’t worry. She got an Uber with me and Scarlet. I’m literally amazed she was still standing. She was drinking gin here, then had some of Akeria’s wine when we got to theirs and then she was drinking God knows what else in the club. Beer, vodka, I’m sure I saw her with tequila at some point. Always the quiet ones.”

“Nina, quiet?” Brooke laughed, Yvie joining in loudly. Brooke cast her flatmate a sideways glance. “So you and Scarlet took Nina back?”

Yvie kept her eyes trained firmly on the TV screen. “Yeah, well we ordered the Uber to here and dropped Scarlet off on the way. Just to make sure she got home safe.”

Brooke nodded noncommittally and watched with interest as Yvie continued to look at the screen, then lifted her phone from the arm of the sofa and checked the group chat. Brooke decided to say nothing. “What are we watching?”

“Coronation Street,” Yvie deadpanned, Brooke groaning as the other girl howled another laugh.

“Turn it off, Yvie, I’m serious. My brain can’t take much more. Why are you literally fuckin’ 40 years old?”

As Yvie continued to laugh, Brooke’s phone pinged loudly.

Kim Kardashian-West: Is anyone alive????????????????

Brooke snorted. Yvie was typing quickly, her long nails tapping against the screen.

Dave the Laugh: we’re next door come thru

Mere seconds later, there was a noise from out in the hallway, the bang of a fire door, and then the shuffling appearance of a hungover flatmate wrapped in her duvet and looking entirely too much like the Caterpillar from A Bug’s Life.

“Helloo,” Nina said quietly, in a voice that was eerily similar to Robin Williams as Mrs Doubtfire.

“When did you wake up? I had to answer the door for Yvie’s fucking McDonalds order,” Brooke frowned affectionately, then handed the box of nuggets to her other flatmate who had sank down on the sofa beside Yvie and had stretched her legs out over her lap.

“Nah, I woke up then too. I was just hoping someone else would get the door before me,” she shrugged, one hand reaching for a chicken nugget and the other hand pushing back her huge mane of wild blonde hair, her dark roots sticking up and suffering from serious bedhead.

Yvie pouted. “Ninaaa, you’re meant to be the responsible one.”

Nina snorted, sat up straight, folded her arms, and did her best Hell’s Kitchen contestant impersonation that Brooke and Yvie always loved. “Yeah, but I’m not no bitch!”

As the girls laughed, Brooke had to wonder how they got there- three friends, once all nervous, eager, bright-eyed first years now fully evolved into hardened, exhausted third years (or, as Yvie sometimes described them, war vets). Nothing much had changed in that time, she supposed. They still all lived together, except now they had moved into a flat instead of the student halls they’d all lived in back in first year- Brooke in the room opposite Nina, and Yvie in the block beside theirs. Miraculously, none of them had dropped out of their degrees and they were still all studying the same things. Nina had been glad of a night out as a break from her relentless teaching placement in a nearby primary school, Yvie was keen to celebrate a good mark on her criminology hand-in that she’d had back, and Brooke was just happy for a night out with her friends as her portfolio wasn’t due for another month. She was still in denial about how little time that actually was to get three prototypes ready, so she’d been glad of a break. Torn out of her own thoughts, Brooke’s phone went off again.

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: BITCH WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: I GOT A BOY FROM THE RUGBY TEAM IN MY BED HE WON’T LEAVE

“Of course you do,” came Yvie’s unimpressed voice from the sofa. Brooke raised an eyebrow as Nina frowned and thumped Yvie with a couch cushion. The other girl flinched in surprise. “Ow! Bitch!”

“Play nice,” Nina scowled at her, judging.

“Do you use that as a behaviour management technique?” Brooke quipped dryly. Nina scrunched up her face and waved a hand dismissively.

“No. It’s Year 6 I teach, remember? I just hack their bodies to bits with a chainsaw I keep in the desk drawer,” she said sarcastically, Yvie barking out a laugh. Nina continued. “The class teacher’s very supportive.”

Plastique Bague: He is definitely not in the rugby team

Plastique Bague: He definitely said that so you would sleep with him

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: I MEAN

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: she was gonna sleep with him either way let’s not lie!!!!!

Brooke’s heart gave a small leap. Okay. Vanessa was up. She was on the chat. This was fine. Was it fine? Had Brooke said some horrendous, embarrassing thing to her last night that she shouldn’t have and she just couldn’t remember? No- it was fine. If she had, Nina or Yvie would have told her. Except, of course, if they couldn’t remember. Looking at the two girls deeply engrossed in the world of social media, she decided to find out. Tactfully of course.

“So…” Brooke began, Yvie’s head snapping up with intrigue. “Anyone do anything embarrassing last night?”

“That rugby player?” she said innocently, howling in pain as Nina’s ankle jolted up and kicked her thigh. “Ow, Jesus, Nina!”

“Aw, come on, give her that, Nina. Silky’s always doing cringey shit on a night out,” Brooke pouted sympathetically. She did love her friend, but the memory of Silky breaking her middle toe while trying to do a death drop in the middle of Levels still haunted her.

“I don’t think so. Everyone was pretty tame. At least, I think it was tame. I’m going to be blatantly honest- I can’t remember,” Nina continued, shrugging lightly.

“I think Vanjie went home with somebody,” Yvie said nonchalantly, her thumb flicking at her screen.

Brooke’s heart froze over in the space of a second. “Really?”

“No, I’m fucking with you,” Yvie chuckled an evil laugh, causing Brooke to break out in a scarlet blush and deflate with relief like a very red balloon.

Nina burst out laughing. “Okay, I’m sorry. That was mean. But it was funny. Funny sometimes outweighs mean.”

“I’m not speaking to either of you for the rest of my life,” Brooke sighed, wishing she could stop blushing.

“Bitch, you’d barely last a minute,” Yvie laughed, pouting as she looked at Brooke’s face. “Aww, don’t be embarrassed! It’s cute!”

“No, it’s idiotic. I’m behaving like a fucking teenager, it’s ridiculous.”

“Do you think you’ll tell her before we graduate?” Nina asked, batting her eyes. Brooke rolled hers.

“Of course I will! I’m just…I need to just know that she likes me back first.”

Brooke didn’t miss the look that passed between her other two flatmates. She didn’t know what it meant, and was too hungover to try to find out.

It wasn’t some dumb teenage crush, Brooke knew that, although at times she did sit in lectures and want to draw hearts and initials and Mrs Vanessa Hytes and Mrs Brooke Lynn Mateo all over her notebook. So what if the only thing stopping her from doing it was Plastique sitting beside her? They were adults, after all- although, being 21, Brooke hadn’t very much experience at the whole adulting thing- and Brooke would tell Vanessa everything eventually. It didn’t matter that she’d waited two years and three-and-a-bit months to do so. Brooke had had lots of practice of confessing her feelings to Vanessa because she did it most nights, just before she went to sleep. Every scenario was different- sometimes they were outside in the smoking area on a night out, sometimes she was round at Vanessa’s flat under a blanket and watching a film, sometimes they were drinking cider together in the park on a sunny evening. But every time, Brooke said the same thing- Vanessa, I need to just get this out there, and I’m sorry if it makes things weird but I (pause) just (pause)…really fucking like you. And I know we’re friends and I don’t want to fuck anything up, but I still remember that time after Akeria’s 19th when we walked home together in the dark and we got chips and you threw them over those guys that yelled at us from across the street and took my hand all protective and I’ve just been in my feelings about you since then, and I know that if I didn’t say it today I would never get the chance. So…yeah. That’s it. Sorry. If it ruins anything. Then Vanessa would reply back. Sometimes she’d launch into a big memory of exactly when she fell for Brooke. Sometimes there was no talking, just Vanessa’s hands on either side of her face and a fierce kiss that Brooke had imagined so much she’d almost dreamt it into reality. Sometimes, on some of Brooke’s not so great evenings, Vanessa would just wrinkle her nose up, furrow her brows, and just look at her, disgust seeping out of every pore and scaring Brooke so much she wouldn’t imagine the whole situation again for a couple of days. But she’d always come back to it, of course. Especially on days where Vanessa had given her a lot to work with- predrinks where she’d been extra giggly and flirty and touchy, dinners where she’d sat just the tiniest bit too close, huge sleepy pileups on Nina’s bed where she’s thrown herself over Brooke’s tummy and rested her head against her chest before gradually falling into a nap.

“Brooke! Would you put your damn phone on silent like a fucking normal person!”

Brooke jumped, Yvie’s frowning eyes trained on her and making her look at her phone, each new notification from the chat coming relentlessly. It had been moving at quite the pace since Brooke last checked it, and she had 21 unread messages.

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: VANJIE IM GONNA KILL U

Plastique Bague: AHAHAHAH VANJIE

Dave the Laugh: shut up Vanjie omg ahahaha

Kim Kardashian-West: Hahahahahahahahaha!!!

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: IF I DON’T KILL THIS SIX FOOT TALL BIGFOOT ASS SPICEBOY FIRST

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: lmfao Vanjie

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: MOOOOOOOOOOOOVE ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!

Kim Kardashian-West: Is he awake?

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: think the bitch fucked him to death

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: ILL FUCK U TO DEATH!!!!!!

Plastique Bague: You guys are killing me ahahahaa stop

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: we’re out of teabags

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: kill me dead

Plastique Bague: Rip in peace

Dave the Laugh: I got Mcdonaldssssss

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: shut the absolute fuck up

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: i’m coming over

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: hey is BrookeLynn awake???????????

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: I’m coming over to eat ya fries

Kim Kardashian-West: nah she died

Kim Kardashian-West: death by £4.99 tesco white zinfandel

“Let’s have the girls over,” Brooke said suddenly, her heart rising as she read the chat. Nina smiled.

“I’d be down!”

Yvie rolled her eyes. “Ugh, guys, we already have so much shit to clean up from last night, the living room smells like shit, and Brooke’s probably blocked the toilet from her radioactive fucking puke.”

Brooke pouted, already typing on the chat.

Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: sorry guys, mum says no :(

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: BROOKLYNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!

(Vanessa used no less than sixteen sparkly heart emojis to accompany the message- Brooke counted.)

Akeria Sainsburys Bag for Life: Nina wtf u bitch

Nina audibly gasped. “Why is it that everyone thinks I’m the Mum of this friendship group?!”

“Because you are the Mum. You do Mum things. Like getting us to drink water in between drinks in the club,” Yvie said, shrugging.

Kim Kardashian-West: EXCUSE ME, THAT WAS YVIE!!!

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: YVIE SUCK A CAN OF DICKS

Plastique Bague: why is everyone shouting

Dave the Laugh: a can that’s inventive

Plastique Bague: i don’t like it when mum and dad fight

used Tampon: Guys!!!!! I just woke up! So many messages wtf!! Anyway are we all going round to Yvie’s or something???

Brooke choked a laugh. Slowly, she turned to look at her flatmate, who appeared to be pressing her lips together to stifle a smile and had gone a rather fetching shade of pink. Brooke looked at Nina, who snorted and immediately read her mind.

Kim Kardashian-West: sorry Scarlet, we’re not allowed to host :(

Cananana Canadada hey hey hey bingo: yeah Yvie says no :(

Kim Kardashian-West: too much mess from last night :((((((

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: HE’S FINALLY GONE THANK JESUS CARTWHEELING CHRIST

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: NOBODY CARES

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: BrookeLynn just have a revolution!!! it’s ur flat too!!!

Kim Kardashian-West: and me, who also lives here

“The fuck does she mean, it’s your flat too? Like I’m a fucking dictator? What the fuck is that?” Yvie snarled, typing angrily into the phone.

“Down, girl,” Nina joked, hitting her with her heel again.

Yvie slapped her calf in annoyance. “Bitch, you have the boniest foot ever!”

“It’s from all that extra cankle.”

“Guys, are we hosting or not?” Brooke yawned, bored. “We better decide soon because I think some people might be making other plans.”

Frowning, Yvie checked her phone and jumped, typing frantically when she saw the message that was there.

used Tampon: Aww, that sucks :( I guess I’ll drag my hungover self into the lib then

Dave the Laugh: FINE

Dave the Laugh: FINE

Dave the Laugh: ur all the fucking worst and u better be here in at least half an hour or all the food will be gone

large incongruous silkworm spiced praline: GOD IS GOOD

FORD TRANSIT VANJIE: WE LOV U YVIE!!!!!!!1

used Tampon: Yay!!!!! Love u Yvie xxxxxxxxx

Brooke stifled a laugh as she saw Yvie’s face break out in a small smile. Not willing to waste any more time, however, she decided she needed to get ready if Vanessa was going to be coming to the flat. She stood up, greatly misjudged how hungover she still was, then immediately sat back down again.

Twenty minutes later Brooke had showered, dressed, and even mustered the strength to put a small amount of makeup on. Her hair was still up in its nest and, tugging out the band that was holding it up, she ran her fingers through it and shook it out as she tried to tame it in some way. She growled as she couldn’t get her parting right, then frustratedly decided to leave it. Checking the clock, she strode through to the kitchen and opened the window up wide before she sank back down into her armchair. Yvie, who hadn’t moved, raised an eyebrow.

“Nice leggings,” she said, something coating her words that Brooke couldn’t quite decipher. She snapped her neck round to face her.

“What?”

Yvie snorted a little. “Nothing! I’m saying nothing.”

A pause.

“Were your hotpants in the wash?”

“Oh, fuck off,” Brooke laughed, grabbing the cushion off the back of the armchair and covering her face. Yvie’s evil laugh was back.

“Brooke, you do realise that Vanjie really fuckin’ likes you, right?” Yvie leaned forward, her voice loud and brash and not really making it much of a secret. Brooke blew a bit of hair out of her face.

“No, I didn’t realise! That’s only, what, the 36th time you’ve told me that?”

Yvie gave a long-suffering sigh. “I only keep saying it ‘cuz it’s true.”

Brooke pulled the collar of her cropped jumper over her mouth and sighed, hot air creeping over the skin underneath. “Just let me wear my running leggings that show my bum and my legs and will hopefully make the girl I’ve liked since first year fall in love with me in peace, okay?”

Just then, the buzzer went off loudly through the flat, Nina running from her room to get it and anticipation fluttering in the pit of Brooke’s stomach. Nina shouted through to the living room.

“It’s Scarlet!”

Brooke watched Yvie carefully as she lifted her phone and checked her reflection in the blank screen. It only took two minutes for Scarlet to arrive, panting and out of breath from climbing all the stairs to their top floor.

“Yvie!!” she exclaimed happily, falling forward to where Yvie sat and enveloping her in a huge hug. Scarlet was weighed down from her huge yellow raincoat, mittens and hat but Yvie didn’t seem to mind, pulling her onto the seat beside her and not yet letting go of her waist. Brooke watched the whole display, amused. She didn’t not like Scarlet, it’s just the whole reason she was in their friendship group was all because of Yvie, so she hadn’t really had a chance to connect or bond with the girl on her own yet. From what she did know of her, she found her ever so slightly grating- her constant picking and preening at her appearance, her dorky attitude, the way she typed- but Brooke didn’t dislike her. Besides, any friend of Yvie’s was a friend of hers and Yvie had met her last year when she’d gone to a pole dancing class for a grand total of three times before she rolled her ankle. She’d met Scarlet there, who was trying the class out but realised if she couldn’t dance full stop then dancing whilst on a pole would be a little trickier, so they had both stopped at the same time but had never stopped bumping into each other around campus and had gradually become friends. Brooke knew that to Yvie, Scarlet was a little more than just a friend- in fact she’d liken it to her friendship with Vanjie- but she had a desire to keep all her limbs functioning and firmly attached to her body, so she’d never brought it up with her. Watching them now, however, she supposed she didn’t really need to- Scarlet had rested her head on Yvie’s shoulder and her brown curls cascaded down the other girl’s chest as she talked about her plans for the day and laced their fingers together. Nina came to join them in the living room, the three girls laughing uproariously about something that had happened the night before which Brooke couldn’t remember being there for, so she stayed quiet. As the others spoke, Brooke heard the buzzer go off again, and she was up like a shot to get it. She, in the nicest way possible, prayed it wouldn’t be Plastique.

Her heart soared when she picked up the phone and heard the immediate loud voices of Silky and Vanjie bickering.

“I SAID FLAT 3F1, BITCH, YOU PRESSED EVERY DAMN BUZZER ON THE DOOR!”

“YOU KNOW I AIN’T GOOD WITH NUMBERS!”

“…WHAT IS THERE TO GET, HOE? IT’S A THREE, AN F AND A ONE! A WHEEL OF CHEESE COULD FIGURE THAT OUT!”

“Um. Guys?” Brooke spoke up, hoping that none of her neighbours were listening to the debacle. “It’s Brooke?”

There was a beat of silence and a crackle of laughter on the other end of the phone. Akeria’s voice followed. “Thanks, boo. Buzz us in.”

Obeying, Brooke pressed a nail to the buzzer and stood waiting at the door, her heartbeat growing faster as she heard the soft, displeased muttering coming from the three girls drift its way up the stairs. Akeria came into view first, flipping her long, straight blonde hair over her shoulders as she strutted up the stairs in her heeled boots. She could easily have been on her way to another night out, having complete disregard for any form of jeans, leggings or pant-like clothing and wore skirts or dresses at every opportunity. Today she wore a long t-shirt dress with a belt around the waist and a huge, fluffy pink fur coat to compliment the cold weather. She arrived at the doorframe and gave Brooke a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“How you doin’ girl, you feelin’ it?” she pouted sympathetically, Brooke only nodding in response. Akeria squeezed her arm. “That’s too bad. I don’t mean to be rude but I’m gonna die if I don’t eat chicken nuggets in the next five minutes so I’m gonna just head on through.”

Brooke nodded understandingly but hardly had time to look back into the stairwell when she was crushed in a huge bear hug by Silky, in jeans and a loose leopard print top which was a far cry from her glittering, bodycon dress she’d had on the night before. She barely had time to say hi to her when she was ambushed by the girl she’d been waiting for to arrive- Vanjie, all tiny and soft in her pink Ellesse tracksuit that Brooke knew she reserved for lazy, hungover mornings, her dark, wavy hair swept up in a neat bun.

“Brooky!” she squealed happily, kissing her mid-hug and instantly sending Brooke to cloud nine. She moved to pull away almost as quickly as she’d initiated it, and the moment was gone way too quickly. Pushing down her brief disappointment, Brooke smiled at the girls.

“How are we today, ladies?” she asked, laughing as Silky rolled her eyes.

“SO,” she started, Vanessa raising her eyebrows at Brooke longsufferingly. “Not only do I have to kick some foetus-ass, rugby impostor out of bed first thing after I wake up…I also don’t get a single moment to relax because Miss Vanjie’s runnin’ through to my room, yelling and screaming we gotta go round to Brooke’s bitch, we gotta go round to Brooke’s, c'mon let’s go! like a fuckin’ CHILD for ten straight MINUTES!”

Brooke burst out laughing, wondering if she was imagining the blush that hit Vanjie’s cheeks and the slight push she gave her flatmate.

“It wasn’t ten minutes, Jesus, I was just excited for hungover fun with my girlfriends,” she muttered, rubbing at her forehead and slightly smudging last night’s makeup that was still firmly on her face. It didn’t matter though. She was still utterly fucking beautiful to Brooke.

Catching herself before she kept the dopey smile on her face any longer, Brooke shrugged. “Well, I’m glad you made it if only so you could stop Yvie descending into complete obesity with her forty nuggets.”

“Hm. Too late for some of us, bitch,” Silky deadpanned, causing Vanessa to double over laughing. They wandered through to the living room together, where Akeria had squashed herself beside Yvie and Scarlet on the sofa and Nina was busying herself washing glasses and chatting to them. Foregoing niceties, Silky ran and threw herself into the armchair, causing Vanjie to raise an unimpressed eyebrow at her and sit on the floor, her back against the arm of the sofa. Thinking, Brooke gestured to Yvie for a pillow and the other girl obliged. Brooke propped the pillow up against the sofa then sat down and rested her back on it, leaving enough room for Vanessa. The girl gave her a grateful smile as she relaxed against it, at once too close and not close enough. Brooke smiled back at her, feeling her recline against her side and sighing happily.

Silky was busy engaging all the girls in a conversation about all the gory details from her faux-rugby-player encounter, so Brooke looked at Vanjie and nudged her a little. “You have fun last night?”

Vanjie snorted. “Bitch. I always have fun when I’m out, ain’t no need to worry about that. Helps when you come out with us, though.”

Brooke hoped she was covering up her blushing with her smile, playing it off by shrugging. “Aww, you’re cute. No, well I’m just always so busy with portfolio shit. Nobody believes me when I say the design department work you hard.”

“I always believe you!” Vanjie exclaimed, affronted. Brooke couldn’t help but laugh.

“You once believed Akeria when she said pineapple was a vegetable, there’s no hope for you,” she teased, laughing as Vanjie pouted beside her. Christ, she was fucking adorable.

“You’re lucky you gave me so many compliments last night so I can’t be mad at you,” she said in passing, Brooke’s heart immediately standing still.

What the fuck did I say?

“Really? I don’t remember this. This doesn’t sound like me, I would never give you a compliment.”

Vanessa laughed and leaned in closer to her side, giggling. “Shut up, boo, you say nice things to me all the time! Think you were especially attached last night though. Kept talking about how cute I looked.”

This was bad. This was horrifically bad. Brooke momentarily looked up to Nina for help, but she was sitting on the arm of Silky’s chair, too engrossed in her story. Brooke gave a cough that was meant to be a laugh, and stumbled over her words. “When was I…when did I say all this?”

Vanessa was back to being nonchalant and was looking at the TV, still aggravatingly playing soap operas. “Aw, you know. When we were queuing at the bar, when we were out smoking, when we went to go pee. Quite a few times.”

Brooke gave a fake laugh which she hoped hid the absolute terror pulsing through her veins. Vanjie joined in, then poked her. “Part of me was like, does this bitch wanna make out with me or something? That would’ve been funny as shit. Can you imagine, Brooke Lynn?! Oh my God.”  

Brooke at once felt her laugh come way too loud and too harsh and too fake. Mercifully, thankfully, she was distracted by a cry from Yvie.

“Oh my GOD! We’re out of food.”

Nina shrugged, fingers already at her phone. “Plastique’s still to come, I could get her to stop by Greggs on the way?”

There was an ethereal moan of delight from each girl in the room, leading to a big bubble of laughter immediately after and calls for Nina to be anointed. Brooke smiled affectionately as Vanjie threaded her arm through Brooke’s own, cuddling in further to her side.

She hadn’t told her last night. She would soon.

[cherry-slushie-cosplay-blog]

Freshman Year Quotes

Ok so I did a list of all the stupid shit I heard in my Freshman year of high school. Enjoy.

(T) - Teacher (AP) - Freshman Assistant Principal

FRESHMAN YEAR ----

"Any weeb brethren, see me after class I want to be friends." *class is totally silent* "*loudly* I have a seven inch penis." "I'm a farmer bitch I will throw my crops at you." "You can teach tiny cil- chilr- chilud- chiluden, wait what?" "I'm telling Jesus!" "Jesus already knows." "(T) Use your 5 sols! Haha, get it? Like soul?" "Bold of you to assume I have any at all." "HE CALLED ME THE N-WORD, HE CALLED- oh shit you're a girl my bad I'm just messing around trying to get someone in trouble. Have a nice weekend!" "Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht...FUCK!" "How do you make an equilateral square?" "I think my back has scoliosis." "I've got a bag of chicken." "Why do you have a bag of chicken?" "Because. Why do you have a bottle with mangos on it?" "This- this is mango-flavored tea!" "AND THIS IS CHICKEN-FLAVORED BAG" "...and some condoms have spermicide which kills off the sperm. Don't ask me how I know all that, Mrs. ********." "Are you from Russian?" "Sit your ADHD-filled ass down." "If we were in hell, do you really think I would be here?" "(T) Yes." (T) "Is stupid written on your forehead?" "I don't know, is it written on yours?" "His forehead's big enough for it." "That looks like an orgy pile over there." "Why do you guys always sit behind me?" "If we want to kill you, you won't see it coming." "Is this what Julius Caesar felt like?" "You're so tiny! You look like a doll!" "And you look like a cock-riding motherfucker." " Technically, time is a construct." "Technically, none of this matters and we're all gonna die soon." "Will you two shut up please?" (T) "My 2019 has been completed, I made a student cry." (This was January 10th btw) (T) "As long as you do your best and turn that in, you'll be fine." "What if my best sucks and I get a bad grade?" "Ok that was good I'm gonna give you that." "I'm gonna put on black lipstick and go to sleep." *Aggressively singing Dream Daddy For Me* "What's that?" "A grapefruit." "Bitch that ain't a grape." "No, grapeFRUIT." "It looks like you put Kool Aid in an orange." "Dude it's called a grapefruit." "No, fuck you and your Kool Aid orange." "I ate a mouse dongle." "Why the fuck would you do that?" "I don't know, I just did." "Racism is my bitch. I bend racism over and take it from behind." "A function is an input and a function...oh wait hold on I messed up- stop laughing at me I got this." "James Charles did one of Bob Ross's tutorials on his forehead." "So he has a big forehead-" "Shut the hell up ***** no one cares." "The answer was D! D as in 'Dinosaur chicken nuggets'!" (T) "What are the first ten amendments?" "I know the ten COMMANDments." "No one cares, we're not in Christian school." "YES WE ARE HAIL MARY" (T) "Do your work or the Lord may strike you." *this was at the religious girl from the previous quote* "What time is it?" "It's fuckin uhhhhh noon o 5." "Noon o 5?" "I forgot the word twelve." "I SEE HEADLIGHTS" "Hm?" "Headlights is nipples." "If this is a test I'm gonna throw myself out the window. I was about to go to the hospital this weekend and I'm still gonna make it happen." "I won't T-Pose for dominance but I will screech and make your eardrums bleed." "Does anyone remember Llamas With Hats?" 4 people: "caAAARRLLLLL" "Pagans terrify me." "Why?" "Every pagan I know of is a furry." "sKeDaDdLe SkAdOoDlE yOuR dIcK iS nOw A nOoDlE" "NO NOT IN MATH CLASS" "Doodlebops." "shUT THE FUCK UP" "I watched that yesterday, I have it on DVD." "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE DOODLEBOPS ON DVD" (T) *random Chewbacca noise* "My brain is smaller than my dick." "If you feel stupid, you should." "What about King Solomon?" (T) "What has Solomon ever done for America?" "What have YOU ever done for America?" "Nothing should be in your mouth unless it's a banana." "What type of banana?" "A yellow one, duh." *laughter* "Or a green one, whichever you like more." (T) "For the people who I'm signing these for: are you going to the farm-" "YES WE FINNA BE COWBOYS" (T) "What y'all playing over there?" "Chess." (T) "I hope you lose." (T) "If you're stupid, it's your fault." (T) "Let's go guys!" "hoLD ON I'M SAVING MY POKEMON GAME" "There's people taking pictures down there - should I pour Monster on them?" "When you gave me my pencil I was like 'I like Zoe, she's nice' in my brain and then my brain somehow connected that to 'You tryna smash?' and another part of my brain said 'No, stop, she'd cut your dick off'." "That's the strangest intrusive thought I've ever heard from a friend." "How many of y'all think I'm gay?" *about 6 people raise their hands* "Ok then." "May I please go to the bathroom?" (T) "You just have to get out of here at any chance you get, don't you?" "I'm serious, I'm really hungry, does anyone have any food?" "I have lotion." "Fuck you." (T) "OH MY GOD SHE HAS TAP SHOES CAN YOU DANCE???" "...no" (T) "YOU STILL LOOK GOOD" *watching Sorcerer's Stone* "Who's at the window?" *ta-da it's Malfoy* "Oh it's a blonde-headed lesbian." "Shit fuck goddammit bitch pussy fucking Jesus Christ." "I have ibuprofen, you know." "Nah, I'm good." "I'm a lil loli short and flat~ My head is for pat- wait fuck what was it" "Hello~ my fuCKING HIP OW" "Are you ok?" "I popped my hip...Hello, my name is Elder Price~" (T) "Here, it's legal to marry your 2nd cousin twice removed." "I'm doing it." (T) "******** no-" "Fuck (insert name of school district), man. On my mom." "I wanna fucking die I hate this class." "No. I look like Jesus, I'm telling you no. Therefore, Jesus says no and you're not allowed to die." (T) "How else could we have solved this?" "With a calculator." "Did Diego steal his money from Dora?" (T) "I don't know, moving on." "All y'all talking about how your souls are dark black, mine is baby blue. It's brighter than your hair." "uwu my stomach hurts" "I'm serious I'm not on my phone." (T) "Oh really?" "I swear to GOD she wasn't!" (T) "Oooooohhh" "Holy shit Zoe you're gonna send **** to hell." "You were staring at me for like 20 seconds before calling on me!" (T) "No, my glass eye was staring at you. My real eye was over there seeing that stuff, and over here I didn't see sHIT." "I heard there's G-Spots in your ass, why don't you shove it up there and have some fun." "How about no?" "Suit yourself." "I don't like raw fish — it makes me sad." "100 senators!! Come ON, Sen - a - tors!" "Shut up go stick your head in a dick." "I want that Mormon Milk." "I'm begging you to stop talking." "I'm salivating for that salvation." "Shut the fuck up."

BONUS: SCHOOL'S POWER OUT

"My god that sun is brighter than Kirishima's smile." "Zoe is turning into Trina." "I'm breaking down~" "Come over here anyone who wants to take 'Golden-Hour Mental Breakdown' selfies and/or get Pocky." "Anyone who refuses to let their anxious child come home will be personally smacked by me with Zoe's copy of 'Half-Blood Prince'."

NORMAL SCHOOL

"Stab me in the ovary or whatever you said." "CORRODED ARTERY YOU ARE MALE" "Same difference." "Perfect boy lookin-ass- no homo." "What the fuck" "People think that Sherlock Holmes isn't real because he was written in a book. God was too but you don't see people denying HE exists, do you?" "Ok do a burpee." *burps loudly* "No a- you're a fucking idiot." "Heyyyyy Zoe, can we- holy shit is that Pornhub?" "How do you make a baby crawl in a circle?" "I don't fucking know." "Ok...do you know how to make one stop?" "When did you get here!?" "Couple minutes ago." "???" "I'm quiet and people generally don't notice I'm here." "...do you need a hug?" (T) "What'd you do this weekend?" "Some sewing." (T) "What'd you sew?" "Robes…" (T) "For what?" "*increasingly embarrassed* A costume." "From what?" "*very red by now* Harry Potter…" "Which character?" "*wanting to crawl into a hole* Draco Malfoy…" "*polite clapping from entire class*" (T) "He's on the road to alcoholism." "I'm doing a 21-Day challenge of not talking, if I do - punch me." (T) "Oooohhh this is gonna be fun." *knock at door* (T) "*presses face against door window* What's the password?" "bitCH GIVE ME BACK MY CAPRI-SUN" "It's not Capri-S-" "IT'S BOOTLEG CAPRI-SUN GIVE IT BACK" "Holy shit you turned the Jesus-freak gay." "What happens if you don't deletus the fetus?" "Then the abortion isn't completus." (T) Can you see where I'm going?" "To hell." "Oh look, a wasp." "KILL THAT SHIT" "Oh man I can't hear my eardrums." "How the fuck would you hear your eardrums?" "That's the POINT." "I like a p p l e s ~I like 'em big and juicy-" (T) "NO." "Everyone raise your hand if you want Mr. **** out of the room." *80% raises their hands* (T) "Even you?" "What do you mean 'even me'!?!?" "******? ******!!" "What?" "If I ask you a question will you be a douche?" "Probably." "Understandable." "What the hell am I reading?" "Words." "Mr. **** do you like donkey ducks?" (T) "I'm not even going to answer you." "I'm scared of homophobes." "Homophobophobia." "If gay is a slur does that mean that African American is a slur?" "Who has my mcfreaking phone? WHOMST HAS MY PHONE" (T) "Ooh free charger! *wraps cord around neck like a scarf*" "Whee whee mone me jam apple laff-yeti" "If someone is being homophobic, give them dyslexia." "Troom Troom life hack: if someone is harassing you — eat them." "Troom Troom banana hack: if someone is harassing you — shove a banana up their ass." (T) "Take that hat off." "I'm a gangsta." "I'm never gonna use this shit. Do you think I'm gonna go to McDonald's and say something like, I don't know, 'Oh riddle me dubious'? NO." "I'm gonna meticulate you until you get dyslexia." "What the fuck does that even mean?" "I'm gonna meticulate your rectum." "Please stop." (T) "See that girl? She likes bad boys." (T) "Ask her, she has tape." "What the hell has made you think I have tape?!?" "I don't care if you have 106% in this class, you can kiss my fat ass!" "No, PICasso." "I like Costco-" "No." "Holy shit *points at red train in movie watched in class* it's the Hogwarts Express." "Stop it." "Choo choo bitch we goin' to magic school." (T) "Guys Mr. ***** is in here, quick make it look like you're doing math." "3 + 7 = 9!!!" "Are you serious?" "MOVE IT, MUNCHKINS!" *shoves us apart and runs off* "Excuse-moi, I'm gonna beat her ass." "Oh my god someone's weave is on the floor." "Only at (insert school name here)." "THERE'S MORE THEY THREW IT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW" "*handing out books* Take this dick, *throws book on student's desk next to me* and here you go. *places book gently on my desk*" "waIT TAKE THAT BACK I WANT A 'HERE YOU GO' WTF" (T) "-and so the corn salsa would be 20...thaaaat's not one of the answers oh no." "You fucking whore, happy birthday." (T) "How do you know you are college and career ready?" "Because Jesus loves me." "Last time I shit my pants was in middle school." "rePEAT THAT?" "I'm gonna show up tomorrow with AIDS." "Did you just say you'd show up with AIDS?" "Yeah." "Why??" "Cause HE put his spit on me." "I'm borrowing your chair. To sleep." "I'm straight as a line." "Oh? *makes loop-de-loops in the air* You mean THIS line?" (T) "I will decimate you. I will wipe your name from the earth." "Is the government making us take this test?" (T) "No, the district is making us take it." "Well the district can suck my ass." *calling every white person in a certain scene of Ernest Green a toothpick* "Is it just me or does ******** seem like he'd end up having a job at Chuck and Dale's?" "GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE I WANNA WATCH MERLIN" (T) "You boys don't know how to chop down a tree, do you? You wouldn't be able to do that." "Yes I would, I do it in Minecraft all the time!" (T) "Ok, remember to put your name on your paper." "No. I have no name. She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Voldemordita." "Stop it." "Shut up, both y'all gay, always smackin' each other's asses in class." (T) "Easy, Luigi, we're not watching a movie." (This was a sub for Civics class and he had just walked in 2 minutes prior. The student's name was not Luigi) "Hold on I'm gonna be Oprah: YOU GET A CALCULATOR, YOU GET A CALCULATOR!" "Y'know ***** still needs one." "F R I C K" *girl walks into a desk* "There's a desk there ****." "I KNOW fuck OFF" "I feel like we need to warn her about everything when she walks." "Watch out for life, ****." "Can we do it on paper?" (T) "No, this is not Burger King." *leaving the room* "Remember, cocaine is not your friend. I'll kick your ass." (T) "Wow! It's Good Friday, and you're talking about your baptism and stuff like that, and you said 'oh my fricking god'? For shame." (T) "I'm on a lot of drugs and alcohol right now and I can't feel anything." "Oh my GOD USE A YARDSTICK" "No." "MR. ******** I'M GONNA HURT HER" "Gonna stab her with the yardstick?" "I need bail money." "I need money PERIOD." "DRAW. A STRAIGHT.  L I N E." "NO, FUCK YOU" "You know you're gay when it takes you 3 tries to draw a straight line." "DON'T TAKE MY JOKE" "You definitely know you're gay if it still isn't straight after 3 tries." (T) "What would you do if someone came into your neighborhood?" "Who's neighborhood? Mr. Rodger's?" "I have 15 pets." "I have 13 siblings, does that count?" "No but it does mean that your parents need to learn how to use a fucking condom." "Hi my name is J. Michael Tater Tot welcome to the Dairy Dome." "Dyslexia? I thought you said...cannibalistic tendencies." "What?" "I couldn't think of anything that rhymed." "You need to flex seal your anus closed." "If you don't fucking shut up I will shave off your eyebrows using my toenail as a razor you cunt." "Sippy Cup looks depressed." "Sippy Cup, you going through some shit?" "Hit or Miss, I guess they never miss, huh? You got a boyfriend-" "Yep." "I bet he doesn't kiss ya!" "Haha nope." "Ew I look like Casper." (T) "...and we're going to write a paragraph." "Oh you're FUNNY." "I think I'm switch. Like, I'm good with being sub, but I'd like to dominate my bitch too. Like F.B.I get on the ground open your legs." "Ms. ******* that's really bright-" (T) "YOU'RE bright." Video: *talking about how important this song is to them* (T) "I don't care stop talking." "I peed on the desk again." "Key word: AGAIN???" "You should send ****** and I to get them." "That is a HORRIBLE idea." "What do you mean it's a horrible idea? You don't know me!" "What do you mean 'I don't know you?' We have gone to school together for almost 4 years." (T) "Look, I know you're obsessed with me, GET TO WORK." "He's harassing me." "You harassed me first. It's not harassment if you do it in self-defense." "You can have the benefit of my middle finger." "It's the progression of the climb of the rocket." (T) "Oh my GOOODDDD JUST SAY IT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING" "Fine. The speed." (T) "ExACTLY." "Oh look a firetruck's outside." "Whee whoo whee whoo- oh my god you're serious. Oh god it's (crappy fire department) jesus christ." "I think we need to potty train our classmates again." "AGAIN???" "Well, yeah. They're supposed to be." "'Supposed to' and 'are' are two different things." "Mr. **** can I put mascara on you?" (T) "No." "Whyyyyy?" (T) "Do I look like a Barbie doll?" (T) "Mascara girl is the one who's talking." "You act like I don't have a name!!!" "Do you?" "What the hell are you doing?" "It makes your eyelashes look nicer." "Yeah; easy, breezy, beautiful: Covergirl. Get with the program." "James Charles is QUAKING." "Sister shook." "Give me my paper." "Bitch I'm gluing my fingers together, I didn't fucking take it." "Do you have a charger?" "No, but I have a notebook full of English notes." "I don't have any round characters, all of mine are gay and sad."

BONUS 2: BIRTHDAY

"I'm sorry I don't have anything for you for your birthday all I have is Reese's and duct tape." "Wait it's your birthday??? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO-" "NO STOP SHE DOESN'T WANT THAT" "Thank you." "You're welcome." (T) "Pay attention my dudes." *collective groaning from entire class* "*asking for tampons*" (T) "*holding a marker* I can throw another red one at you." "I don't get it. *sudden realization*" (T) "***** pick your jaw up off the floor, I was joking." "I'm tired of the word 'domain'." "Oh yeahhhh me too, cause we hear it a lot in physics now." "Domain, domain, domain; I hate it." "I'm in a domain of hating myself." "I'm joking, I love you." "I'm not joking, but I love you too anyways." "**** don't lose your Crocs again." (T) "Get that earbud out of your ear." "No, this is keeping me sane." "Why is my name 'desire'??? I put it as 'pee pee poo poo'!"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I've finally done a fraction! I flipped it over, turned it around, smacked its ass and had it call me daddy." "PARDON???" "What?" (in Physics talking about electricity) "Ok positive top, negative bottom-" "ME?" "He said you can't learn if you burn but you do learn. You learn fire is hot. Also the sensation of being burned alive as you are consumed by flames." "*shows Thanos smut* Spoilers for Endgame that no one asked for." "Legend has it that if you work at the Dairy Dome, you get free tickets to Domegame." Have a marvelous Monday, a Terrific Tuesday, a Wonderful Wednesday, a...Thesis Thursday. I couldn't think of anything." "You look like a frog." (T) "And you look like a squid." "Someone today said I looked like a drug dealer magician. Would you like *sweeps off hat* MARIJUANA??? Or...*pretends to pull something out of hat* COKE??? Perhaps some *flourishes* *whispers* acid???" "I'm gonna Detroit Smash him to hell." "LGBT, let's get this bread." "My hero academia as in Aizawa can shove my ass up his head- wait hold on" "*talking about Ariel* She's hot but that doesn't excuse the fact that she put her entire species in jeopardy for some dick." (T) "Does anyone not have medicine in their bag that ******* cannot have while I look down at the floor because I dropped my pen?" (T) "*reaches for paper*" "Ah ah **** no swipin'." *in science class* "Nothing's happening but I saw that bitch SPARK and I'm terrified." "I'm basically teacher today, your assignment is to do nothing. YOU get an A." "SHUT UP MOTHERFUCKER I'LL EAT YOUR ANUS THEY DON'T CALL ME RECTUMUS PRIME FOR NOTHING" "EXCUSE ME" "What was the word again?" "David Hasselhoff?" "What, no???" "This is why you shouldn't scratch yourself, here." "*instantly shoves necklace in mouth*" "I wouldn't use that as a chew fidget, I got it off the ground in Louisiana." "*chews even more aggressively*" (T) "Don't mess with me I will throw something at you, I played softball for 14 years." "Really???" (T) "Yeah. I was the captain biatch." "James Charles looks like the dragon from Shrek." "***'s touching my wenis." "Gay fantasies don't really matter." "Yeah, I mean, did you see the way that Tony and Cap looked at each other in Endgame?" "When he was, a young boy, his father, took him to the dark lord, to kill the principalofawizardachool" "He said son when, you grow up, will you b-" "HE SAID WILL YOU, GETSHANKEDINABATHROOM-" "Watch out: I have peanut butter and a knife!" (T) "All you need is at least a 60% to pass the test-" "BOI I GET 40S AND 30S IN YOUR CLASS AND YOU KNOW IT" (T) "So you used to go to (other school name)?" "Yeah. But people growling and barking at me was a little much." (T) "Were they furries?" "Dude, tornadoes in Kansas are no joke." "But you go to Oz." "THERE AIN'T NO YELLOW BRICK ROAD AFTER A TORNADO" "Uh, yeah! Yellow brick road to HEAVEN." "Toto isn't god” "You awakened something you didn't want to awaken." "Is it god??? Is it Totoro? Remember to pay your taxes or Hong Kong will come eat you." "Today's weather is cloudy with a chance of rectal prolapse." (T) "Who's at the door?" "It's ***." (T) "Who's ***?" "***. Your student." (T) "*opens door* Who are you?" "I'm nobody." "Who is commander in chief of the military? My  p e n i s" "Are those grandma shoes??? Can I  e a t  them???" "She sounds like a fetus screaming for extra guac at Chik-Fil-A." "WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN" "*singing the Boku No Pico theme off-key in a loli voice*" "I will hit you." "I'd feel bad for you but you have a 69% and that causes you to get a D and I can't look that over." "Do you ever wonder where babies come from? Cause I don't. All you have to do is pee into a lady's Digornio." "rePEAT THAT??" "Don't forget to degrade your dog." "Imagine a world: where you have 2 fetuses hanging from your eyebrow."

BONUS 3: GIANT, END-OF-THE-YEAR CIVICS TEST

"Why the fuck is Christmas a national holiday???" (T) "Ok, the president during WWII was...Roose-" "-A PARKS" (T) "Are you even paying attention?" (T) "What happened on September 11th, 2001?" "9/11!" (T) "We're gonna need you to be a little more specific, buddy." (T) "What's a state that borders Canada?" "I deadass was about to say Arizona, I need sleep." "WHAT is your name?" "*****." "WHAT is your quest?" "To clap the best pussy out there." "*through laughter* What is your favorite color?" "The color of the next pussy I'm gonna crunch." "I got a Voltage from the ROTC room, and I dropped it and someone said 'OOH', picked it up and yeeted with it." "WHAT THE FUCK I'D SHIT ON THEIR HOUSE" "Can we play a song after our presentation?" (T) "As long as it's not like 20 minutes like an Allman Brothers song." "Huh?" (T) "You know how when you have an acid trip, people tell you to listen to the Allman Brothers?" "..." (T) "I'm old." (T) "If this eye starts drooping, there was something in the brownie." (T) "*teaching us Piccolo Mini*" "You just made me feel dyslexic." "YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW THE TEA??? I'M THE REAL HOE" *applause from class* "BITCH WE BEEN KNEW" "*unintelligible*" (T) "What?" "*still unintelligible*" (T) "I still didn't hear you." "You talk like your handwriting." "I WILL THROW THIS CROC AT YOU" "I will literally pay a dollar for one." "I will literally eat these." "Petunia is not a phone." "Electronic device, then." "She's not an electronic device, I gave birth to her." (T) "**** that's the whitest you've ever sounded." "My dingaling is messed up." "Mine too." (T) "Ok so say you wanted aides-" "I DON'T WANT AIDS WHAT THE HELL" (T) "IN THE CLASSROOM. CLASSROOM AIDES. HELPERS. "Can we talk while doing this?" (T) "No, this isn't Burger King." "What is your obsession with Burger King????" "HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S PUTTING THE WHITE NECTAR ON THE RAMEN SINK" "Have you ever seen a 14 year old looking badass?" "Have you ever seen a beaver chomping down on a carrot? Cause I wanna see that." "I don't wanna go to Papa Louie's Arcade, Papa Louie can pop a cap in your ass." "Micheal does a Thanos Snap in season 14." "Cas, I don't feel so good." "NO" "Your Crocs are in sport mode." "My cock is hard." "THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID" "It's ok lil diglett I'm gonna evolve you." (T) "Stop it." "I'm gonna evolve you it's fine, you're weak but you're gonna get better. *throws stress ball at teacher*" (T) "******* looks like Ted Bundy" (T) "He's falling asleep. Hey, ****, are you sad you can't have an abortion?" "What???" (T) "If you don't like high school relationships, who's that guy you keep making out with in the hallway?" "*pointing at random places on the map in the civics classroom, threatening to deport each other to random places*" "You're jiggling my titties." "*half the class is singing I Write Sins Not Tragedies*" "I love you!" "Shut it, I'm doing a presentation." "I love you!!" "Stop." "I love you!!!" "God damnit, *******, I'm gonna hit you." (T) "If you drop any f-bombs during the presentation, I'm gonna kill you." "Bottom, take the apple." "I'm not black, I'm O.J." "Balls. That was the word." "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET 'BALLS' FROM 'THE BUCKS ARE WINNING THE FINALS'??" "Who's this? Tom? No I don't wanna streak with you. Stranger danger." "Why is it called Field Day if it's only 2 periods?" (AP) "I- That's actually a good question." "ALRIGHT THIS IS WHAT WE NEED TO DO-" "*gets literally kissing distance from him* *salutes* Yes sir?" "We're playing cornhole." "Stop laughing, how is cornhole inappropriate?" "Mr. **** this is the type of yardstick that could take your kneecaps. Do you want me to take yours?" (T) "I'd like to see you try." "Is that Ratatouille?" "Ratatouille isn't the rat. That's Remy, you insolent fuck." "I'm gonna call you the 'G' word." "What's the 'G' word?" "Jew." "That's…porny." "...send it to me." "Where you going?" "To hell." "WHY" "*shrugs* Seems fun." "You see, this is why I need to work with you. I'm your insurance."

BONUS 4: FIELD DAY

(T) "Are you part 1 or part 2?" "Uh…" (T) "Top line or bottom line?" "Bottom- no, top- uhhhhh…" "He looks like a top." "I still don't understand why we fucking dropped Bohemian Rhapsody for a song from fucking  T W I L I G H T." (T) "*throws a marker at the Assistant Principal*" *various cheers and "OHHHHHH"s from the class* (AP) "Are you actually serious." Not a quote but in the 2nd to last week of school, we spent almost the entirety of 4th period Algebra (including the teacher — he started it) throwing dry-erase markers at each other and didn't even stop when the AP (seen above) came in. (T) "*walks through the middle of the room*" "FIRE" *8 people pelt markers at him* "Wait you guys realize he's gonna throw all of those back, right?" "I have a D I'm hanging on the edge my dudes." "I did a math? I did a math!!!" "You did meth?" "YES!!!" "*gets head shoved out of window* OW! FUCK, ****** MY TIT" "You exude strong Kenny energy." "Why?" "Cause you die a lot? Cause your heart was replaced with a baked potato? Cause your family's poor?" "*laughing so hard we can't breathe*" "*leaves the cafeteria to calm down from laughing too hard*" "I'm having elementary school flashbacks." "Shut your social justice warrior ass up." "You ok?" "I stabbed myself." "Sorry, only girls get it. Also, this is my last customer today." "Hold on, if it's only girls, why does HE get it?" "Hi." "OH SHIT YOU'RE A GIRL MY BAD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

“Did I just witness a drug deal?” "Why do you look like a dad?" "I need some weed in my system again, I'm fucking drained." "There's a fucking big-ass run in my tights — I'm gonna eat my own ass and then some." "Hi I'm ***** and Mr. **** can suck my 13 inch dong. My Long John Silver." "This ignorant pickle of a person can die." "This cashew of a long dong. Cashews look like telephones." "A shirt says Mr. **** can suck my magnum horse, my stallion." "His mom should've fucking swallowed." "Spit his ass in a Dixie cup." "I will tattoo my eyes shut." "I'm talking about this mongoose man that's called Mr. ****." "Can you speak some Spanish?" "Hola, como estas, sugma." "Sugma?" "Suck my fuckin' balls lmao" "It's your sugar daddy. *shows picture of Andrew Jackson*" "It's Mr. **** as a woman." "That's fucking Christopher Columbus." "*howling laughter*" "I was just thinking 'have it stop raining so that I don't have to walk in it', but then I remembered I have work today so it should keep pouring. The more the sky cries, the less I cry. Unless I'm on drive." "Excuse me sir, *raises leg* my penis has fallen off." "I pray you get AIDS." (T) "Please throw away your sheet music, it's illegal to copy sheet music and I don't wanna go to jail." "*loud smack* I am so sorry, I didn't mean it to be that loud! Come here baby boy, let me give you the sweet taste of my mother milk." "It's not mother anymore, it's daddy now." "Dude what if you were born with a set of words that if said, would implode your testicles." "Bomb go boom, Mormons go extinct." "MR. **** YOU TOOK OUR NOODS" "DON'T TAKE THE NOODS" "NOT THE NOODS!!!" "****, I thought you were Catholic." "The pencil's black." "Like my ass-cheeks." "Someone stole it!!!!" "Like ****'s virginity."

BONUS 5: WATCHING INSIDIOUS (FOR SOME FUCKING REASON)

*kid falls off ladder* *various banshee screeches from students* "They're kissing AGAIN. This movie is NOT appropriate." "I'm hearding weeeesssst~ I don't know what to dooooo~ " That's not how you make a superpowered baby. You kill the mother and put her on the ceiling." "Wait, pause. What the hell?" "F.B.I, open up." "IT'S DALTON." "PUT A CHAIR ON THE DAMN DOOR" "HOW WOULD A CHAIR WORK AGAINST THE DEMON" "He's in a deep sleep. Wake him up with true love's kiss." "It's a pedo-demon! Everyone run!" "He's cheating on her." "What if this was linked to Supernatural?" "Ooh she's echoing now." "My legs are shaking bruh." "Is that blood on the window?" "No, it's a tree." "SMACK THE CHILD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I figured out why I'm so quiet today." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, *shows trembling hands* I'm on vibrate." "I can't wait to go to church."

BONUS 6: LAST DAY OF SCHOOL

"The first thing I ate when I came to this country, it was in the airport and it was Doritos." (T) "They gave me the shortest teachers' gown they had. I have a baby gown." "That isn't a happy little bush." "IT'S. TREE." "Hello ladies, *winks* *blows kiss*" "I'm GAY." *I Will Survive playing really loudly* "******* you're not in our friend group so get the FUCK OUT." "Now I can swear! FUCK Y'ALL BITCHES I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR KNEECAPS" "Oh shit it's an end of the year fight!" Four kids got into a fight at the same time and one got tazed."

[it-begins-with-rain]

Goblin: The Lonely and Great God Reaction Thread (Ep 1)

For @ladyvanserra

He moved a pot a couple of inches and broke a Frenchman’s rib. I already like this show!

Period dramas (even partially) and fantasy mixed with history. That’s my drama-kink right there.

Wait why are they declaring him a criminal?

He won the war for them?

Oh wow, violence with blood! Yay korea(n dramas)!

Wait why do you look familiar King Dude?

OH MY GOD IT’S THE BOY FROM “THE BIG HIT”

DOES YOUR FATHER KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW?!?!?

Actually, he seemed more likely to declare himself a god...

Ah, they’re mad at him for being Julius Caesar, got it.

Well obvs the white girl is supposed to stand out, who are you?

Oh, that was a “we used to fuck” look

“Imma kill every innocent person.” That’s some A+ kinging right there.

Ohhhh yeah, they fucked.

Wait she wants him to go kill the king? Even if everyone dies?

That’s fucked up.

I want more backstory of this whole thing.

“Fire on her from behind the guy walking and kill her to punish him for not being easy to kill!”

Or, you know, order him shot in the back?

And he walks up behind him and slices.

Like, couldn’t just do that before? A+ guarding right there.

Eew, why do people drool when they cry in dramas? Just... eew.

“Forgive me sir for slowly stabbing you with a giant broadsword”

Cut. Off. His. Head. It’s. More. Polite.

See? Like what that guard just did to the other guy.

Man the advisor from Mulan is a dick

I know that’s chinese not Korean.

It’s the hat.

SHE’S STILL ALIVE??? LONGEST DEATH WITH AN ARROW IN SOMEONE’S HEART EVER.

DIE FASTER.

oh the old lady’s ring, splashed with her blood.

So shouldn’t she be a goblin too?

Is that why the old lady looked so young-made-to-look-old?

Is she the dead lady as a goblin in some way?

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE HIM TO DIE OMFG.

Well, I mean, from the show... a long damn time. But still!

Seoul, 1998, and he looks like Neo

JFC THAT CAR CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND HE FUCKING DEMOLISHED IT!

Wait, why do you look familiar car dude???

Seriously familiar.

Death is hot and all, but this dude looks SERIOUSLY familiar...

C’mon google, help a girl out

*cries 20 min later when no amount of googling turns up anything*

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

Fandom recruited to identify.

BUT NO LUCK

JFC did he have bodies in his trunk???

Death is hot.

He resembles another actor, but I can’t think of who.

Not in the this-will-drive-me-insane way, just---

OH, THE DUDE FROM “THE 100″. BELLAMY.

He reminds me of Bellamy. Just in the eyes and hair.

“Drink this tea or you’ll regret it...” Kind of rapey, Death.

what the frick-frack? that’s a lot of tea

Death literally making tea all day huh? ~drama~

Death that hat looks stupid.

Haha, Goblin just casually dropping shade XDDD

Slightly obsessed with candles, are we?

It’s child abuse to dress a kid like that.

"This is my grandson, who I obviously want beaten up on the playground.”

“From now on, this child will serve you, old bloody sword dude!”

Yeah this is normal.

So it wasn’t just that he was killed with his own blade, it was that he killed so many, or left so many to die at his hands?

HOW ARE YOU NOT RUNNING LIKE CRAZY THE OTHER WAY AT THE ZOMBIE THAT JUST STOOD UP IN YOUR FIELD???

That old guy is so fucking chill...

Oh, he’s going to kill the Mulan-Advisor!

Again, I know that’s Chinese and this is Korean, it’s the hat.

So who was the girl that they gave her a proper memorial?

That poor little Goryeo boy... He’s doomed to one day don the above ridiculous outfit.

Death would have been kinder.

But he is seriously cute as a button!

In the past, not in the yellow thingie.

Is it bad I only find the lead hot when he’s got his warrior-hair (long)?

omg the little nugget is hungry~

and he’s trying to hide it.

THAT BOY DESERVES ALL THE LOVE AND FOOD AND JUST EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

He was starving! Poor bean sprout~~

WHY ARE YOU BULLYING THE CUTE LITTLE DUDE?!?!?

NO!!!!! NUGGET!!!! DON’T DROWN

SAVE HIM YOU RAT BASTARD!

SAVE THE KERNEL OF CUTENESS!!!

Yes, you using your new powers (that we never see you learn to control) to kill the evil slavers is nice and all

BUT SAVE

THE

BABY

BUMBLEBEE

Ooo, green flaming sword, cool.

But where’s Button???????

YOU. CAN’T. SNAP. TO. PRESENT. THERE.

So they say “Goblin”, but they mean a minor god?

Uh oh, Female Lead in hit-and-run.

I wonder if she’ll be saved

*she says sarcastically*

Wow that is a lot of blood.

Her entire body’s worth

And yet she’s still chatting.

And Goblin will save her.

But not the adorable little bean.

Female Lead is preggo?

Death is gonna be PISSED

And not just because his hat is silly.

OMG that’s the cutest baby ever.

AAH! CORPSES!

Whispering about brides.

Over a baby.

Who is now 8 years old.

The mom looks mildly familiar...

I think from her Banjun Drama days? I think I saw the DBSK ones...

OMFG THAT IS AN ADORABLE LITTLE PUPPY

Who apparently doesn’t exist?

DOES THAT MEAN IT’S A DEAD PUPPY’S GHOST????

NO, THERE AREN’T ALLOWED TO BE DEAD PUPPIES

NOT EVER

NEVER EVER EVER

*traumatized*

Yeah, something was weird with the mom not touching candles.

How’d she die?

Was it before?

Or recently?

This convo with the mom’s ghost is so creepy and sad at the same time

I love it

Seriously creepy, sad, and cool all at once

Love love love it.

This part kind of gives me “Black” vibes.

Did anyone else see that?

It was just ok.

“How do you never seem to grow old granny?”

Because she’s obviously a young lady in age make up.

It’s the eyes. She has painfully young eyes.

And Death came for the kid... why?

Oh, he’s surprised, he came for the mom.

“You of all people should know.”

Oh, so old lady is a Reaper too?

A head of cabbage as a birthday gift.

Yep, she’s an old lady.

Oh look, the old lady is young again. What a surprise.

LMAO the little guy in the dumb hat grew up to be a drinker.

Not surprised with that dumb hat.

JFC the ghost trying to get her attention is freaky.

The dangers of shooting a guy walking in slow-motion.

He looks like an idiot when he blinks.

OK this super intense stare between him and the teenager is kind of eew (even though she’s 19).

Can we do a time jump and age her again?

And he’s like *instant boner*

Ooo, little nugget grew up hot this time

Another reason he shouldn’t have drowned in the Goryeo times.

“How can she be proud of killing her own mom”

Wow, fucking nice family there...

Assholes.

Throwing a rice bowl at her head and demanding money?

Wow.

These fuckers deserve bad things.

Aw, Goblin is adorable with the old man.

He’s got a nice smile.

Just... totally nice.

Is he pacing around where he died? Gnarly.

What? He heard her prayer?

Is it because he saved her?

Aw, he came to her.

Arguing over who summoned who, lmao.

It sounds like when my mother and father think they heard the other call them.

“Did you call me?”

“No, why would I have called you?”

“That’s what I’m asking you.”

“Give me (flowers), they don’t suit you.”

hahahahahahahahaha

He gave her flowers, so I guess this is a first date?

“What do these flowers mean?” “Lovers.” *romantic music*

Again, I know she’s 19... but she looks 15, and he’s like 40.

Aw, Death is looking dapper.

He lives with a centuries-old Goblin.

And is renting the house out to Death.

Why isn’t the show about this guy’s life???

It could be a comedy.

omg burning the contract with a finger-gun is hysterical

And his face when there’s a copy XDDD

DON’T  YOU THREATEN MY LITTLE NUGGET DEATH

NOT EVEN AS A JOKE

I will CUT YOU

This is the bromance I didn’t know I needed.

These two flinging pepper and paprika (or probably chili flakes) around the table like children.

It’s already a comedy! :D

She’s going to work at a Korean Chicken restaurant.

Korean chicken restaurants are proof of the divine.

If it’s made of chicken

and you’re in Korea

it’s going to be amazing.

Especially garlic or soy sauce fried chicken.

But also spicy chicken bites.

Kind of like Korean orange chicken?

I can’t spell the word.

So the connection between them is fire? That’s how she summons him? Or is it the act of putting them out?

“I must be a fairy. Like Tinker Bell.”

*rolls eyes and vanishes immediately to get away from the stupid*

Haha, so it is lighting and blowing out a flame.

If blowing out a digital candle works-

JFC IT WORKS

“Goblin” must be a loose translation.

Because nothing about this is goblin-like in western mythology.

So it must just be the closest equivalent creature to translate to.

Ah, now he knows who she is.

And what she is.

Wow, he’s brutal.

“Just go die then. I only care about you 10 won worth”.

*follows him through a portal to the other side of the world on accident*

I think he just peed himself.

“Canada.... you mean the place with the maple leaf? The one in North America?!?!??!?!?”

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO

“No matter how I think about it, you’re a goblin... I love you.”

Immediately latches on to tall, dark, and handsome because he insta-travels.

Mood.

[leluh]

do all the unusual asks!!

o h mhy god…. thank you but i had to bust out my laptop bc no way in hell am i gonna type that all out formatted nicely on my phone….

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

Spotify

is your room messy or clean?

Oh god it’s a fucking disaster

what color are your eyes?

i ask myself the same question often

do you like your name? why?

yeah! bc it has a lot of nickname options

what is your relationship status?

single

describe your personality in 3 words or less

emotional

gay

loud

what color hair do you have?

blue, red-purple, and an inbetween purple color in the middle.

what kind of car do you drive? color?

bold of you to assume i have a license or can afford a car

where do you shop?

bold of you to assume i have money to shop with

how would you describe your style?

Bad

favorite social media account

I use this one the most but i like the stickers on snapchat

what size bed do you have?

twin i think

any siblings?

Oh boy. oh howdy. im the oldest of five. i sure fucking do have siblings.

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

on top of a really big tree bc it’d be cool babey!

favorite snapchat filter?

none of them

favorite makeup brand(s)

i dont pay enough attention to give a shit. i do have & occasionally wear makeup, tho

how many times a week do you shower?

every other day

favorite tv show?

um! FMA:B

shoe size?

women’s 9, men’s 6 i think

how tall are you?

5′8″

sandals or sneakers?

sneakers

do you go to the gym?

haha no

describe your dream date

anything, as long as im spending quality time with the person/people

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

i have $5 in my jacket pocket I should put in my wallet, thanks for reminding me

what color socks are you wearing?

blue… orange….. white….

how many pillows do you sleep with?

3 rn. two for my head and one big one for my arms

do you have a job? what do you do?

ive never had a job

how many friends do you have?

a lot!!!! and i love them all and i hope they know this

whats the worst thing you have ever done?

don’t worry about it

whats your favorite candle scent?

vanilla….. also anything citrus

3 favorite boy names

3 favorite girl names

names dont have a gender also i dont have an opinion

favorite actor?

favorite actress?

no opinion

who is your celebrity crush?

they arent celebrities but i have a tiny “celeb crush” on everyone at Polygon

favorite movie?

anything studio ghibli does. Tales from Earthsea was good as fuck and underrated!

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

I dont read a lot but my favorite book is The Red Tent

money or brains?

paypal.me/leluh

do you have a nickname? what is it?

my baby siblings used to pronounce my family nickname “Lexi” as “Leluh” (hence the url) but i go by Lex

how many times have you been to the hospital?

i had to get rushed to the ER in an ambulance once bc I had a seizure in church. the stretchers are really comfortable, the glucose packet the paramedic gave me didn’t taste nearly as bad as he made it out to be, and IVs are the fucking worst

top 10 favorite songs

here’s my spotify playlist for this month

do you take any medications daily?

i’m supposed to take like, six vitamin pills for my POTs headaches but i uh. dont.

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

annoying

what is your biggest fear?

being replaced, easily forgettable, not meaning anything to anyone

how many kids do you want?

none right now but i like kids and i know how to handle a lot at once so it really depends on how my life goes in the future.

whats your go to hair style?

sideways

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

big enough for a family of eight

who is your role model?

who i want to be in the future

what was the last compliment you received?

some guy at the grocery store last night said he liked my hair

what was the last text you sent?

sent a photo to my mom

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

I don’t remember ever actually believing in santa

what is your dream car?

one that works

opinion on smoking?

mmmmmmmmmgross

do you go to college?

on the 27th

what is your dream job?

anything i enjoy that allows me a happy life. i’d love to work with plants, microbiology, astrobiology, or like…. bees

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

I don’t know! im pretty neutral

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

oh hell yeah

do you have freckles?

i have a permanent patch of freckles on the side of my left shoulder and occasionally i get a few freckles on my face in the summer

do you smile for pictures?

depends on the context

how many pictures do you have on your phone?

a lot

have you ever peed in the woods?

yeah, my family used to go camping a lot when i was little 

do you still watch cartoons?

yeah

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

Wendy’s

Favorite dipping sauce?

honey mustard and ranch is a close second

what do you wear to bed?

T-shirt

have you ever won a spelling bee?

never been in one

what are your hobbies?

i can throw a flag pretty cool

can you draw?

eh

do you play an instrument?

absolutely not, but it’s very cool and i have major respect for musicians

what was the last concert you saw?

I saw Maggie Rogers in concert a while back

tea or coffee?

tea! coffee is nasty

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

neither

do you want to get married?

Depends, but im not against it at all

what is your crush’s first and last initial?

ahahahahahahaha um. i plead the fifth. also there’s two of them anyway

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

depends! also not against it

what color looks best on you?

dunno, but i wear a lot of denim and bright red

do you miss anyone right now?

hell yeah babey dont we all

do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed dear god i have two cats and four siblings under the age of 10

do you believe in ghosts?

eh. not really. would looove to be proved wrong though

what is your biggest pet peeve?

problems that could have very easily been avoided with communication

last person you called?

my voicemail lmao

favorite ice cream flavor?

Vanilla………….

regular oreos or golden oreos?

regular!

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

rainbow cause im gay but otherwise i dont rlly like sprinkles

what shirt are you wearing?

pajama t-shirt. it’s from ACYC

what is your phone background?

my lockscreen is coke zero and my homescreen is a mother mother quote

are you outgoing or shy?

I try to be sorta outgoing but dear god do i get anxious easily

do you like it when people play with your hair?

not really…. leave it be :/

do you like your neighbors?

I don’t know them at all

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

whenever i feel like it

have you ever been high?

nope

have you ever been drunk?

nah

last thing you ate?

some knockoff Doritos 

favorite lyrics right now

all of Infinitesimal by Mother Mother

summer or winter?

I hate being too hot but i do love alaska summers

day or night?

night…. love that second wind and sudden impulsive urges 

dark, milk, or white chocolate?

white chocolate. i have a strong sweet tooth

favorite month?

no opinion

what is your zodiac sign

leluh.tumblr.com/zodiac

who was the last person you cried in front of?

Everyone in Drama during senior night lmao. last time i cried alone however??? yesterday afternoon sjkdfhaksjfh

[salt-sass-and-lyrium]

I’m so fucking tired of shitty white people, omfg

Oh my God so I’m in this Facebook group for my neighborhood, and someone posted a photo of some kids playing with a broken basketball hoop. Like, backboard broken, no net, rim bent, but still playing. Poster said that the see the kids out there every day playing, and was asking if anyone had a hoop they didn’t want, to replace the broken one.

Unsurprisingly, a few people chimed in “Oh I’ve got one but it’s all the way in [redacted] and my car is too small to move it, does anyone have a truck” “Hoops aren’t crazy crazy expensive, let’s all chip in a few bucks and buy them one” yada yada. You know. Feel good neighbor stuff. Actually put a smile on my face.

And some fucking ass nugget chimes in “Oh why would we buy these kids a hoop? So they can just break another one?”

And... fuck you?

Note: He’s a middle aged white dude. Just for context. Kids are black boys.

Like... the kids in the photo are 8-9 at best. Kids break shit all the fucking time. It happens. It’s an outdoor toy being used every day. It’s gonna get broken. Hell, my brother went through so many goddamn hoops when I was growing up as a fucking teenager. When you’re playing every day, nets tear, backboards get hit, rims bend. Shit happens.

The important thing is that these are kids out having a fun time, doing something healthy and staying out of trouble. I don’t live in the... lowest crime... fuck it I live in St. Louis City. St. Louis is pretty consistently voted the ‘most dangerous city in America’ (it’s really not that bad imho tbh but yeaah there’s a whole lotta crime). So any time I see kids doing something positive, just playing and staying out of trouble or learning, I wanna do what I can to encourage it. 

People start to comment to the dude like “What the fuck? Who cares?” and this assnugget starts “I know these kids personally” (doubtful, why the fuck do you know a bunch of 8 year olds?) “They’ve broken two hoops already”

And so when everyone starts to reply the obvious “... so? They’re kids playing every day with an outdoor toy. Shit gets broken” he starts asking people “DO you know these kids? Do you know the history of their father??”

No. No I don’t. Because

1. I’m an adult and don’t really make a habit of socializing with kids I don’t know because that’s weird

2. It’s not my business.

3. I don’t fucking care.

So people are trying to organize a fundraiser to get the kids a new hoop, see if they can arrange transport for it, yada yada. AKA “Stuff you should probably do in this situation” and this fucknugget is commenting on everyone’s posts about how dumb we are and how the kids are ungrateful and don’t deserve anything and we’re in the wrong for ‘rewarding them’ and a bunch of racially coded shit that I’m not going to get into.

So I can’t help myself so I ask the guy “Why are you so opposed to people doing something nice for kids?” and he derails and goes on this tangent about how the kids are ungrateful and how their Dad needs to take care of them and that he could buy them a hoop so why should we as a neighborhood chip in and...

What the fuck is wrong with you, dude?

I dunno, asshat is still going but like... who the fuck objects to doing something perfectly harmless and kind for kids? Like... who really has a problem with that? Especially in this city. Especially in this area which is pretty crime heavy. Especially when SO many kids are getting into trouble. Why would you not want to help kids do something that gets them out the house and keeps them out of trouble?? So what if it gets broken? As one neighbor commented “If it gets broken, then we do this again. And again. Because they’re kids who just want to play basketball.”

RIGHT??!

I dunno, if I had the funds I’d just go buy a hoop for them right fucking now, partially to spite assnugget neighbor. Unfortunately I’m so broke I’m eating Funyuns and orange soda for dinner (it’s cool I had some chilli and a protein shake earlier I’m not gonna die) but I’m keeping an eye on the thread, hoping someone starts a fundraiser so when I do have monies, I can chip in.

Because fuck shitty white people, man

[zephfair]

Day 4 Bleach fic Grimmichi

Day 4 of the 30-Day AU Challenge

Day 4: Babysitting AU

All-human AU comedy somewhere in the U.S. with a bigger age gap between the twins and Ichigo.

Grimmjow slammed his tray down on the cafeteria table, and the couple sitting on the opposite side jumped apart. Sometimes it took extremes to get the two to stop sucking face, and frankly, Grimmjow was sick of it. Embarrassed for the two losers and sick of it.

It didn’t seem to bother Ulquiorra or Orihime who went back to hand-feeding each other choice bits of the university lunch. Grimmjow didn’t consider any of the swill choice but it was cheap and he was always hungry.

“So what are we doing this weekend?” he asked with his mouth full of stringy chicken nuggets and ketchup.

“It is only Monday,” Ulquiorra informed him.

“I know that. But I need something to look forward to or I won’t make it through the week.”

“Actually, I have plans already. I’m going to babysit for an old friend from high school,” Orihime said.

Ulquiorra pulled away. “But I got us tickets to the arts festival at the capital, along with the special concerts.”

“You have a high school friend that already has a kid?” Grimmjow was nosy.

“Oh no!” Orihime took Ulquiorra’s hands. “You know how much I’ve been wanting to go to that, but I never thought you’d manage to get tickets! It’s been sold out for months!”

“I pulled some strings. Anything for you.”

“Hello, your friend? With the kid?” Grimmjow wouldn’t let it go.

“Oh, well he’s not really my friend...”

“He?” Ulquiorra pulled back from her embrace.

“It’s more like I was friends with his son.”

“His son?” Now Ulquiorra pulled away.

“I’m not explaining this well, am I? I was friends with Ichigo in high school and now his dad has to go to a conference this weekend and he needs someone to watch his girls. They’re twins. Their mom died when they were born.”

“How long will he be gone?”

“Ichigo,” Grimmjow pondered. “The orange-haired kid? Freshman?”

“Yes, that’s him! We were in the same class!”

“Why can’t he watch them?” Ulquiorra grumbled.

“Because his dad doesn’t want him to be bothered. He has classes and then some kind of debate club trip, and his dad just wants him to enjoy university life.”

“When are you supposed to work?”

“I’m picking up the girls Friday after school to Sunday night.”

“And the father doesn’t have any other friends?”

Grimmjow tuned out the couple’s argument and let his mind wander. He knew exactly who Ichigo was. Grimmjow was a senior in the kendo club, and he’d been the one to take on the kid when he applied for the club. He grinned at the memory. Their faculty adviser had been conveniently distracted by the other seniors so Grimmjow had the chance to wale on the kid.

Only, the freshman had shocked him with a good fight and then, when Grimmjow had started to cheat, he’d thrown down too and they’d had a very refreshing brawl that didn’t end until Shawlong had grabbed him and yelled that the adviser was coming back.

Ichigo had easily made the club, but since then, he’d stuck close to the other freshmen and far away from Grimmjow.

It was disappointing. Especially since Ichigo was strong, smart, had a sassy mouth on him, and also a really fine ass. Too bad he hadn’t been able to corner Ichigo alone again.

“I’ll do it,” Grimmjow said suddenly.

There was a silence so pregnant it started contractions. Ulquiorra and Orihime stared at him.

“Uh, Grimmjow, that’s really nice of you but I don’t think...”

“You? Watch children? Preposterous.”

Now Grimmjow was offended. “Hey, I watched Nel when she was a rugrat and she’s still alive.”

“Does that explain the scar on her head?” Ulquiorra asked.

“Fuck you,” Grimmjow said companionably. “And I’ll have you know, kids love me.”

Ulquiorra harrumphed. Orihime still looked uncomfortable. So he tried a white lie that was still technically true. “I could really use the cash. You could check in with us on FaceTime. You know I can be nice when I really wanna be.”

“I don’t know, Grimmjow...”

“How bad can two little girls be?”

“Um, Grimmjow—”

“I know little boys, fuck, I was one and I know what brats they are. But little girls are, like, sugar and spice and all that nice shit. Besides, girls love me.”

“Uh,” was all Orihime could say.

Now was the first time Grimmjow had ever seen Ulquiorra smirk but when he thought back on it, he should have felt the cold wind of foreboding. Ulquiorra had caught on that he shouldn’t be arguing against it if he wanted Orihime alone for the weekend.

“I’m sure he would be fine,” he offered a sickly looking smile when Orihime turned to him in shock. “He did used to watch over Nel. And he’s in charge of the kendo club. And he’s—” It looked like Ulquiorra was struggling to come up with any more positives about Grimmjow.

“I would never drink or smoke around kids. Hell, I won’t even swear.”

“I don’t know,” Orihime said slowly.

“We’ll return on Sunday so we could go right over. And take them out for ice cream,” Ulquiorra tried to win her over. Orihime thought about it.

“Well, if you promise to FaceTime. Every couple hours. And make sure you go over all the emergency protocols Mr. Kurosaki left with me. And you’ll have to meet him first, so he approves.”

“No problem,” Grimmjow’s smile was wide and showed teeth. “Parents love me.”

Orihime giggled weakly. Then she went back to feeding pudding to Ulquiorra who was whispering something about plans for the weekend.

Grimmjow kept the smile even through his lousy lunch. Taking care of Ichigo’s little sisters for a weekend would be the absolute best way of impressing him and showing him how responsible he really was. It would have Ichigo eating out of his hand, only not literally ‘cause that shit was reserved for gross losers like Ulquiorra. No, Grimmjow would babysit the shit out of the kids and Ichigo could show him his thanks and gratitude in other ways. In Grimmjow’s bedroom. Oh yeah.

It was a perfect plan that couldn’t go wrong.

****

Orihime must have really wanted to get Ulquiorra alone because she somehow broke the news to Mr. Kurosaki and got Grimmjow okayed without them even meeting. She brought over house keys and several pages of printed instructions and phone numbers as well as her hand-written notes on the girls. Grimmjow glanced at it out of courtesy then tossed it on his desk. As if he needed hints on entertaining kids. Just turn on the TV and let the little buggers amuse themselves. Order pizza for dinner, pour cereal for breakfast. He had that shit covered.

Orihime hugged him with thanks before she and Ulquiorra left on Friday. “I’m sure everything will be fine. Just take care, okay? Karin can be a little bit of a handful.”

“I told ya, I got it covered,” Grimmjow pushed her away before Ulquiorra could do more than glower.

“And call me!” Orihime yelled back at him as Ulquiorra escorted her forcibly out of the room.

Grimmjow threw a few things in a backpack, pocketed the keys and took off to meet the girls outside their school. It was a bit of a walk from the university campus, but the elementary school was close to the family home to make the kids’ walk convenient.

He leaned against the post of the school’s gate and ignored the murmurings of the moms gathered to pick up their kids. He tapped out a cigarette from his pack before remembering his promise and stowing it away.

Then the bell rang and all hell broke loose. Orihime had sent him pictures of the girls, but the sudden rush of children overwhelmed Grimmjow. They all looked alarmingly alike—small, fast and annoyingly loud as they shrieked their happiness about it being Friday.

He scanned the crowd and even took out his phone to look at the pics again but he didn’t see any matches.

The crowd was starting to thin out when he felt a poke right in his stomach.

“Ow, what the heeeee—ck.” He looked down and found his charges.

There was no doubt that the dark-haired little girl whose poking finger was still extended was related to Ichigo—her scowl looked exactly like her brother’s default expression. The lighter-haired girl was clinging to her from behind.

“Well, if it isn’t Thing 1 and Thing 2,” he said.

“Shut it, Blue Dude. I’m Karin and this is Yuzu,” the girl pointed her thumb behind her. “And you’re Grimmy.”

“Grimmjow,” he corrected.

“Whatever, Grimmy.”

He gritted his teeth but leaned down so they were more face to face. Yuzu squeaked and hid her face in Karin’s back. “How did you know it was me?”

“Hime said you were big, blue hair and dumb-looking. No one else around here comes close to that,” Karin said.

“Shiiiii—p, that wasn’t very nice of her,” Grimmjow bit back the curse word and his true feelings.

Karin sniggered. “But it was true.”

“Karin,” Yuzu’s voice was quiet but chastising. She looked up, right into Grimmjow’s eyes. “She also sent us a picture of you, so we’d know to look for you.”

“Well, that was very nice of her,” Grimmjow gave her a sincere little smile. She blushed and ducked her head again. Heh, he’d already won the one over. He looked back into the narrowed eyes of Karin and knew he still had a way to go. “So, who wants to stop at McDonald’s on the way home?”

“That’ll ruin our dinner,” Karin told him and Yuzu nodded.

It was going to be dinner, but Grimmjow let it slide for now. “Well, it’s a nice day. Is there anywhere else you want to go before we head home?”

Karin and Yuzu exchanged a long look and Grimmjow felt the first cold fingers of fear slide down his spine. They looked up at him as one and said, “Yes, please.”

After four hours of hitting every shop between the school and the house, Grimmjow was finally able to corral the girls into their home. He’d seen every single store that sold toys or candy or snacks, and had even been cajoled into taking a detour to a pet store to pet puppies and kitties. The girls had some pocket money of their own which they hoarded and bargained for in a way that impressed Grimmjow.

He’d also quickly found out that Karin was the runner, walking along beside him one moment and an instant later darting into a store half a block away. He’d had to keep a firm hold on her bookbag after the second time, but his arm almost ached from holding her back.

Yuzu had shyly offered her hand to hold when they’d reached the first intersection. Grimmjow was charmed over by her timid obedience right up until she’d hauled him into a convenience store and asked to look at every single brand of candy they offered.

At least they had graciously allowed him to buy McDonald’s to take home for dinner.

They chattered at each other as they enjoyed their Happy Meals and Grimmjow dug into his Big Macs. After a few minutes, Yuzu mentioned “Ichi” and Grimmjow’s ears perked.

“Is that what you call your big brother?”

“Yep, but he doesn’t like it much,” Yuzu giggled.

“Do you know Ichi?” Karin asked.

“Sure do. He joined my kendo club. I’m the senior in charge.”

Karin snorted. “Ichi’s awesome at kendo. Bet ya he’s better than you.”

Grimmjow grit his teeth again. “I beat him the very first day.”

Karin shrugged and ate another fry. “Whatever. He probably let you win.”

Grimmjow’s eye twitched and he turned to Yuzu. “What do you think about your big brother?”

Grimmjow listened to the rambling stories about adventures with Ichigo, and it was clear the girls loved him, even if Yuzu was the only one who idolized him. He was amazed that someone as young as Karin could be so unimpressed by bullshit.

But he couldn’t get any straight answers to his most important questions—if Ichigo dated in high school, if he liked boys or girls or both, what he did for fun, if he liked anyone at college.

As they were cleaning up the takeout mess, Karin sidled up to him.

“Hey, I have some old pictures of Ichigo in his high school kendo club.”

“That’s nice?” Grimmjow didn’t know where this was going.

“I’ll sell them to you for five bucks.”

“Fuuuu—” Grimmjow’s eyes darted to Yuzu “—dge, no. That’s ridiculous.”

“Fine. I’ll sell you his favorite sleeping boxers for 10.”

Grimmjow was tempted for a second but said firmly, “No.”

“OK, how about I don’t tell him you were asking all these questions about him.”

Grimmjow’s eyes widened. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Twenty bucks,” Karin said smugly and Yuzu giggled her approval and said, “I think it’s nice that you like Ichi.”

Grimmjow scrubbed at his face with his hands. “Fine. Twenty dollars and you keep this between us.”

“Deal.” Karin held out her hand until Grimmjow fumbled for his wallet and handed her the bill.

He was ready to scream.

So he went back to his original plan of turning on the TV and telling the girls to find something they liked. They took turns flipping through the channels as he sat on the couch behind them and lurked on Ichigo’s social media. It seemed like the debate team had made it safely to their tournament.

He was walking back from the bathroom when he realized that the girls had turned off the TV and were looking at him.

“What the fuuuuu—n do you want now? Isn’t it about your bedtime?”

“Do you know how to fight?” Karin asked him.

“Well, yeah. I’ve been doing kendo forever. I’ve trained in martial arts.”

“What about self-defense?”

The fingers tickled down his spine again but he ignored their warning. “Uh, sure, I—”

They attacked without further warning. Yuzu hit him low, wrapping limpet-like around his legs to immobilize, while Karin went high, jumping onto the couch then leaping onto his back with all her weight.

Grimmjow went down with a yell and a crash. Someone poked his eyes and another hit him in the crotch. He made a noise that he’d never heard before and curled up like a pill bug. He may have whimpered.

“Daddy and Ichi taught us what to do if someone ever grabs us or does something that we don’t like.” Karin was standing over him, one foot firmly on his ribcage. Grimmjow looked up at them through streaming eyes.

“We’re supposed to yell and tell,” Yuzu said.

“And beat the hell out of them,” Karin added.

“You two are fuuu—dging terrifying,” he told them in all honesty.

Yuzu beamed. “Good night, sleep tight!”

“Pleasant dreams,” Karin said and they went to get ready for bed.

Grimmjow went to sleep in Ichigo’s room and locked the door.

***

Despite going to bed at nine—well, after rummaging unashamedly through Ichigo’s things that he’d left behind then playing on his phone—Grimmjow slept in longer than he wanted on Saturday. He heard noise in the kitchen that meant the girls were up already.

He refused to feel embarrassment about his reaction the night before, but now he knew what to look out for. He could do this. He was prepared.

Twelve hours later, Grimmjow was forced to admit that he was not prepared.

It had started on his walk into the kitchen when he slammed face-first into the clear cling-wrap stretched firmly over the door opening. The girls had giggled and high-fived over their bowls of cereal.

He grabbed the coffee pot to fill it, but when he turned on the faucet, the sprayer hit him full blast with cold water. The girls cheered again.

Grimmjow wiped his dripping face and took a deep breath.

But it had already set the tone for the day.

Karin came up with every single prank she could and doled them out at exactly the worst times.

Yuzu gazed up at him with her big eyes and proceeded to talk him into anything she wanted.

Can I braid your hair? Will you play ball with me? Let’s paint nails! I’ll kick and you chase it! Let me try out my new makeup on you; Orihime gave it to me for my birthday! I think I left my backpack at the park—run back and find it.

By dinnertime, Grimmjow was agreeing to anything they wanted, as long as he could sit down to do it. That was how they not only had pizza and chocolate and an entire two-liter of soda but also how they got to watch the first hour of a horror movie before he realized that might only give them ideas.

It was when he’d dozed off on the couch that they’d struck the final blow—re-doing the makeup with extra vengeance and adding every hair accessory they owned to his head. Grimmjow woke up with a start but they’d already escaped giggling to their bedroom. He was pretty sure it was the fake shutter sound of a cellphone camera that had awakened him and he shuddered.

And when he went to get a drink of water, he found that Karin had finished the day the way it had started—with a faceful of cold sprayed water. He sputtered and gave up.

He was still damp and bruised and so very, very tired, too exhausted to even wash the smeared makeup off his face as he lay on the living room floor.

When the front door opened he muttered, “If you’re a burglar or a murderer go ahead and do you what you want to me. It can’t be worse than them.”

“You look like hell,” Ichigo informed him, dropping his duffel beside Grimmjow’s head and looming over him. “My sisters better not be in the same shape as you.”

“Bite me,” Grimmjow groaned and rolled onto his side as Ichigo’s foot caught him in the same bruise that Karin had left on his ribs the night before. “Oh my god, your sisters are demons! And you’re just as bad!”

“How dare you, my sisters are the most precious angels on this earth,” Ichigo thought for a second and added, “I’ll give you Karin though. She does have some pretty alarming tendencies.”

“Alarming? Alarming doesn’t begin to cover it!” Grimmjow’s voice rose in pitch as he sat up. “They’re menaces! I just don’t understand how they can have all that energy. They should bottle whatever shit they’re on and sell it to college students. It’d make a fortune!”

“I think it’s called youthful enthusiasm or something. I don’t remember being like that.” Ichigo was fighting to keep a grin off his face but he finally gave in. “Nice makeover. Green eye stuff looks good on you.”

Grimmjow’s hands flew toward his face but he tried to turn it into giving Ichigo both middle fingers. Ichigo snickered.

“They’re merciless,” Grimmjow flopped back to the floor.

“Tell me about it. I’m kind of glad to see you still alive.”

“At this point, me too.” He stared at the ceiling, head pillowed on his hands. “But I have another day of this. They could still win.”

Ichigo chuckled and collapsed on the couch above him, swinging his leg to kick Grimmjow companionably in the head. Then it literally hit him.

“Hey. I thought you weren’t supposed to be here.”

“Like I’m going to leave my sisters alone with you all weekend,” Ichigo kicked him again. He looked exhausted too. “The debate team just got back from our trip. I had them drop me off here.”

“You win?”

“We took second.”

“Good job.” Grimmjow reached up and grabbed his swinging foot. He ran his hand up to gently hold the bony ankle. “So Orihime is coming over tomorrow and taking the brats for ice cream or something. I think I’ll dump them on her and nap.”

“That’s smart,” Ichigo’s yawn was audible.

“You wanna go to bed?”

Ichigo froze and his leg stopped swinging. “Uh...”

Grimmjow worked up his best tired leer. “You could give me one happy memory of this weekend.”

Ichigo’s leg went back into motion with a tap-tap on his forehead. “Sorry, I don’t kiss anyone wearing as much makeup as you.”

Grimmjow made an exaggerated kissy face when he heard a tiny voice call out, “Ichi? Is that really you?”

“Hey, Karin. Hey, Yuzu.”

“Ichi!” the girls barreled through the living room and jumped onto him. Grimmjow heard his breath go out with a little “oof” but he was too busy cradling his knee that Karin had stepped on.

“I thought you weren’t going to be here,” Karin accused as Yuzu hugged Ichigo’s neck tightly.

“Well, I wasn’t supposed to be, but we got back a little early and I couldn’t just leave you two alone with Grimmjow. God knows he hasn’t had any training to deal with the likes of you two. You might have had him tied up or for sale on eBay.”

“Grimmy’s cool, Ichi,” Yuzu giggled. “We like him!”

“And he likes you,” Karin confided. “He was asking us all kinds of stuff about you.”

“He has a crush on you!” Yuzu agreed.

Grimmjow felt his face begin to burn and he sat up abruptly. “You little thieves! I paid you $20 hush money!”

“Well, if you wanted total silence, you should have made it 40,” Karin told him.

Grimmjow grabbed at his own hair but ran into the various clips and barrettes. He hid his face in his bent knees until he felt a small hand pet him. “It’s okay, Grimmy,” Yuzu said.

“Yeah, we won’t even tell Dad we saw you guys kissing,” Karin said.

“What?! We weren’t kissing!” Ichigo sputtered.

“Sixty bucks or we tell him we saw tongue.”

“You vile monsters. Off to bed with you!” And with an exaggerated roar, Ichigo jumped to his feet and swung Karin upside down. “Help me, Grimmy!”

Grimmjow growled too and leaped up, grabbing for Yuzu who was shrieking in delight. He carried her on his hip like an oversized toddler and followed Ichigo with his Karin-barnacle to the girls’ room. Before they caught up, Yuzu snuggled her face into his neck and whispered, “We really do like you, Grimmy. And I think Ichi does too. He was smiling at you.”

“Thanks, kid,” Grimmjow’s voice was rough and he squeezed the girl a little tighter before tossing her to bounce on the bed beside Karin with another round of laughs.

“Now, you’ve run roughshod all over Grimmy today. Time for you to sleep and recharge for your attacks tomorrow!” Ichigo told them.

“Okay, Ichi. ‘Night! ‘Night, Grimmy!”

Grimmjow turned off the light, and Ichigo shut the door behind them.

“Will they actually sleep now?”

“Yeah, it’s kind of creepy. They can be going a hundred miles an hour but when they hit the bed, boom. It’s like a robot powering down. Come to think of it, maybe that’s how they conserve their energy,” Ichigo mused.

“Maybe,” Grimmjow gave in to the urge to yawn and stretch, reaching up to the ceiling with his fingertips. He looked at Ichigo just in time to see his eyes fall away from the slice of bare skin the move had exposed between Grimmjow’s T-shirt and his jeans. He smirked. “Now. Where were we? Didn’t someone say something about kissing?”

He was gratified to see that Ichigo’s eyes went right to his mouth so he licked his own bottom lip and sucked it in a little. Ichigo’s Adam’s apple bobbed.

Grimmjow took a chance, but hey, what did he have to lose? The worst Ichigo could do was turn the girls loose to beat him up again.

Grimmjow stepped closer and Ichigo backed into the wall. Grimmjow put a hand on the wall beside his head and leaned in. He heard Ichigo’s breath hitch and hold, and he loved the sound so much he decided to tease some more.

With his free hand, he cupped Ichigo’s cheek, running his thumb over the cheekbone slowly, then sliding his hand down to Ichigo’s jaw. He brushed his thumb this time over Ichigo’s bottom lip and back to its center, pushing with the barest pressure until it opened slightly.

Grimmjow was staring at Ichigo’s mouth but glanced up into his eyes when Ichigo let loose a ragged breath. His pupils were blown, dark in the dim hall-light, and his eyes closed a little when the tip of his tongue reached out to give a tiny lick to the pad of Grimmjow’s thumb.

Enough teasing. Grimmjow leaned down that little bit more and met Ichigo’s warm mouth with his own. His lips were just full enough, just soft enough, more than eager enough, and it made Grimmjow moan. The vibration encouraged Ichigo to open his mouth and Grimmjow licked right into it, tasting Ichigo fully for the first time.

Ichigo grasped at Grimmjow’s waist, making him jump a little at the sudden clench, but Ichigo only slid his hands lower, just at the top of Grimmjow’s ass, and pulled him closer. Ichigo opened his mouth wider and his tongue chased Grimmjow’s back.

Grimmjow had both hands in Ichigo’s hair, not to hold him steady but to keep him close, closer, it wasn’t close enough. Then Ichigo did knead at his ass and with a groan, Grimmjow let his hips grind against Ichigo’s. Ichigo bucked away from the wall to meet him eagerly.

Grimmjow broke for an instant to gulp in air and licked at Ichigo’s jaw as he struggled for breath. He bit gently and nibbled over to Ichigo’s ear, biting the lobe hard enough to make Ichigo moan. Ichigo’s mouth chased him and caught his willing lips, and it was Ichigo who bit his bottom lip then soothed it with more licks. And Ichigo who sucked frenziedly at Grimmjow’s tongue when it found its way back into his mouth.

Grimmjow was rubbing his groin against Ichigo’s with each press of Ichigo’s hands on his ass when they heard a cell phone ring. Ichigo stopped an instant then went right back to grinding. Grimmjow had to suck in a ragged breath and break the kiss.

“Ichi,” he cleared his rough excuse for a voice. “Ichigo. That’s Orihime.”

“Okay,” Ichigo licked a long stripe up Grimmjow’s throat, over his Adam’s apple to his jaw. Grimmjow did a full-body shiver.

“No, I have to talk to her. About the girls. She’ll freak if I don’t answer.” Grimmjow couldn’t resist one more hard kiss to Ichigo’s lips that turned into another three grinds before he growled and stepped away to turn his back on temptation.

“Shit,” he fumbled his phone out of his pocket. “What.”

“Oh, Grimmjow. Wow. How’s it going?”

“Fine. We’re all fine. Goodbye.”

“Wait a second! Ulquiorra has to see—has to talk to you! Ulquiorra!”

Grimmjow fumed as the phone fumbled hands and then bit off a groan as Ichigo’s hands crept around his waist and smoothed over his stomach as he involuntarily sucked in his abs. “Shit, don’t do that, I can’t think when—”

“Oh. Orihime was right.” Ulquiorra’s face was as close to mirth as Grimmjow had ever seen. Anyone else would have been laughing hysterically, and Grimmjow remembered suddenly that he was still bearing the stigma of the girls’ impromptu makeover.

“You done? I’ve got better things to do,” he growled, his eyes almost rolling back when one of Ichigo’s adventurous hands started toying with his belt.

“I like the lipstick. Strawberry, is it?” Ulquiorra’s lips twitched.

“Cherry actually,” Ichigo popped his head up over Grimmjow’s shoulder and into the camera’s view. “Tell Orihime everything is under control here. Now we do have to go because he really does have someone better to do.”

“Ichigo,” Grimmjow purred in appreciation of the snark and circled his ass back into Ichigo’s groin. Ichigo ground against him in return and bit the side of his neck.

“Grimmy,” Ichigo moaned and Grimmjow ended the call. He turned and pushed Ichigo into the wall in one move.

“Don’t call me that.”

Ichigo looked at him from under his eyelashes and licked his own lips. “What should I call you?”

“Any damn thing you want to, if you keep looking at me like that.”

Ichigo flicked his forehead suddenly. “You’re so easy, Grimmy.”

Grimmjow reared back but Ichigo’s other hand on his ass didn’t let him go far. Ichigo smirked. “Come on. Let’s go to my room. To sleep. I’m not as easy as you.”

Grimmjow grumbled just for the looks of it, but he followed willingly. Until they got to the bathroom and Ichigo hip-checked him. “Don’t you know it’s not good to sleep in your makeup? Go wash it off.”

“Are you always this bossy?”

“You like it.” Ichigo bussed a kiss to his cheek and Grimmjow felt both cheeks burn.

“I might.”

“So wash up, brush your hair and meet me in my room.”

Grimmjow jumped to obey. As he scrubbed off the makeup, he stared at himself in the mirror. And grinned.

Until he made it to Ichigo’s room and found out the girls were claiming they had nightmares and wanted to sleep in the living room with Ichigo.

Then he swore he’d pay any amount to have Orihime take the twins out the entire afternoon, alone, so he could show Ichigo just how he felt about him. From the heated look and the quick kiss Ichigo sneaked him before leaving him the bed alone, he didn’t think Ichigo would mind.

** When Isshin comes home to find out that his son is dating the babysitter and his daughters already love him, he gives Grimmjow one unforgettable shovel talk.

*Every single time I hear Grimmjow’s Resurreccion command, my mind goes right to the gutter.

[thestaffofgrayson]

1-100 for the unusual asks, you meme lord

Mmmmkay so I cant help being sassy but also wanna give a real answer so we gonna do this -> Anything in parenthesis is a real answer everything else is sass central station

1) Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  Im a dank soundcloud rapper check out my soundcloud at nobodycares540.soundcloud.fuck (I dont really use any of em tbh)

2) is your room messy or clean? *glances over* clean (m e s s y)

3) what color are your eyes? All 16 of em are different colors actually (blue)

4) do you like your name? why? No because its not Jojo (Yes!!! Love the name Perrin gonna be honest)

5) what is your relationship status? *sets status to its complicated* you could say im a bit of a player (deathly single)

6) describe your personality in 3 words or less? Im sorry who? (Described meme lord)

7) what color hair do you have? Minecraft Steve Brown (Ver Ver Pink)

8) what kind of car do you drive? color? No I run like sonic next question (nope fuck driving fuck boulder)

9) where do you shop? Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (For what Next question)

10) how would you describe your style? Goku Black cosplay (Goku Black cosplay)

11) favorite social media account? The one with the Z U C C (Tumblr fuck snapchat)

12) what size bed do you have?  Uuuummmmmmm my size OBVIOUSLY next questions (Dont know tbh queen maybe?)

13) any siblings? Little shit brother (thats not even a joke)

14) if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?  Why this world fuck you what about mars (uuuuhhhhhh no idea gonna be honest)

15) favorite snapchat filter? Oh man! Love this one altho its not well known what ya gotta do is hit the delete button and when it asks if youre sure say yes :D (they change so often I dont pay attention)

16) favorite makeup brand(s)? Whatever it is Genji uses as eyeliner (dooont wear makeup)

17) how many times a week do you shower? I get clean by rolling around in the snow so maybe like 3 times a year (depends usually once a day with exceptions)

18) favorite tv show? I dont watch tv I AM the tv (The Office or if its Anime then Jojos Bizarre Adventure)

19) shoe size? M Y   S I Z E (size 10)

20) how tall are you?  hOWs ThE wEaTHEr dOwnTHeRe (5′9 - 5′11 somewhere in there)

21) sandals or sneakers? Gadget Shoes (legit those are cool but sneakers)

22) do you go to the gym? I think theeessseeee muscles speak for themselves (nope but I do martial arts)

23) describe your dream date  Killing all mortals and achieving a state beyond that of a god (iiiii dont know I dont really see myself going on a date)

24) how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? Why do YOU wanna know (no really why tho)

25) what color socks are you wearing? Well I’m at home on the sofa playing sonic the hedgehog and typing up responses to an ask on tumblr that about 5 people are gonna see. That being said, Dragon Ball orange. (not wearing em but I have a fuzzy pair of polar bear socks my friend Ana sent me that I love!)

26) how many pillows do you sleep with? Wait what do you mean not everyone sleeps with 25 pillows are they mad? (One for my head, one on each side, smol pillow, pillow pet)

27) do you have a job? what do you do? I am assistant regional manager at a paper supply company named Dunder Mifflin. (Not currently but I’m gonna apply to Gamestop and Costco here soon)

28) how many friends do you have? Toooooooooooooo many I hate mortals (honestly I’m too lazy to try and count rn)

29) whats the worst thing you have ever done? Well I haven’t seen Mulan don’t call the cops (Iiiiiiii’m not sure I guess cheated on my Chinese final freshman year but hey I needed to pass that)

30) whats your favorite candle scent? V o i d  (I dont use candles that much and I shooouuulld)

31) 3 favorite boy names Jo[seph] Jo[estar], Jo[taro Ku]jo, Jo[nathan] Jo[estar]  (uuuuhhhh I like my name so it would be Perrin, Joji, Donovan)

32) 3 favorite girl names Jolyne Kujo there is no 2 and 3 (Jolyne yes I know but I actually really like the name, Perrin is also a girls name so, Milly)

33) favorite actor? Shrek from Shrek the musical (Robert Downey Jr and Chris pratt)

34) favorite actress? Taylor after she sasses me and acts like nothing happened (Millie Bobby Brown)

35) who is your celebrity crush? McCree (Matt Mercer)

36) favorite movie? UM IS THIS A QUESTION LIKE??? OBVIOUSLY THE SHREK AND BEE MOVIE CROSS OVER SHREK B: HONEY AND SWAMPS (I LOVED Black Panther and Thor Ragnarok but Secret Life of Walter Mitty’s stuck with me for a loooong time)

37) do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I don’t read cuz I’m not a NERD (I mean actual books I don’t ask me about it another time but comics I sure do I love the Marvel Civil War storyline)

38) money or brains? They say Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy me more games! Eat that SUCKERS (Honestly brains because then you can be smart which can make you a lot of money. So many more benefits)

39) do you have a nickname? what is it? Perriushium, destroyer of life and bringer of the new age (Pey given to me by my brother when he was still a baby and couldn’t say my name)

40) how many times have you been to the hospital? Enough to be immune to every disease known to man NOW IM UNSTOPABLE MWAHAHA (none for any of my own conditions or injuries but for family stuff about twice)

41) top 10 favorite songs All Star, All Star, All Star, Chum Drum Bedrum, All Star, All Star, All Star, Never gonna give you up, All Star, All Star (Bloody Stream, Sono Chi no Sadame, Flying Battery Zone, Stardust Speedway, Stand Proud, Goku Black theme, Halo theme, The Apparition, Shovel Knight main theme, Hooked on a Feeling)

42) do you take any medications daily? I take a shot of cold hard whiskey when I get up (nope I dont have anything)

43) what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) The largest organ of my body I’ll tell ya that much (I honestly dont know?? Smooth and soft I guess?)

44) what is your biggest fear? The Communists lol jk Communism is the only way (I’m not so sure on this one gonna be honest I do fear something I just cant think of it at the moment)

45) how many kids do you want? I mean I’m a 16 year old teenager in high school with no job and no relationship that being said 5 (NONE EVER NOPE 0 KIDS)

46) whats your go to hair style? Super Saiyan 3 (Idk I just kinda comb it to the left)

47) what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) All Star. Wait fuck wrong quest- (Two floor medium sized house) 

48) who is your role model?  Uuuuuuuuhhhhhh (uuuuuhhhhhhhhhh)

49) what was the last compliment you received? A like on my post we did it guys we hit one like so I’m here making this 1 like special (I was told that everytime my friend see’s my dyed hair it absolutely makes his day :D) 

50) what was the last text you sent? Yeah that’ll be $5000 for the kill nice doing business with you (Maaaannny pictures of Genji Shimada)

51) how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? WHAT SANTA ISNT REAL????!!!!!?!?!?! (It kinda faded over the years my last strands of belief were gone by 12)

52) what is your dream car? Odie’s car from Garfield Kart (The Mach 5 from speed racer there’s a street legal car look it up)

53) opinion on smoking? Jotaro does it so I do it too (PSA: Smoking doesn’t make you cool or look cool you’re just killng your lungs. I won’t try and make you stop as long as you’re aware I don’t want you smoking around me and you understand the consequences)

54) do you go to college? After that SAT I meeeaaaaannnn McDonalds might be hiring (I’m still in High School but I want to)

55) what is your dream job? To stand in a corner for 8 hours with a lamp shade over my head and make a clicking sound every so often (I would like to be able to draw, animate, design and/or play games for a living. Achievement Hunter would be a fantastic job but I doubt that’s happening)

56) would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? I wanna live in a cloud In the sky and abduct people to harvest their DNA and make clones which I can fight to the death with (eh somewhere quiet and disconnected from people tbh)

57) do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? They fetch pretty high prices on eBay you’d be surprised (Nope I dont use them at all I bring my own and take my own)

58) do you have freckles? My face is a giant freckle little known fact (not really thank god I would look real bad with em)

59) do you smile for pictures? *leans in* I’m gonna let ya in on a secret kid. I wait until the photographer is just about to take the picture and then I hold a middle finger over my face to block the proper shot. Do it enough times then they’ll be payin YOU to get the picture done (I do but I only open my mouth slightly)

60) how many pictures do you have on your phone? They’re all of people I’ve killed because they showed me a stale meme dont worry about it (960 exactly and they’re all either memes, fan-art, or my cute friends)

61) have you ever peed in the woods? Ew no I don’t go outdoors thanks (Yep once on a school field trip in which we hiked to the top of a mountain it was fun)

62) do you still watch cartoons? Well I mean SOME ONE spoiled my belief in Santa earlier so I’m a bit too old for that now. I have a boring desk job thanks LAZLO (I do spongebob is really funny to me still and I LOVE the original Teen Titans)

63) do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? McWendy’s next question (I dont eat either so)

64) Favorite dipping sauce? Drip dip dip I’m boutta rip please i want to die (I dont use dipping sauce either call me a heathen all you want)

65) what do you wear to bed? Well I take off the clothes I wore for the day, take off my earring, ring, necklace, eyes, hair, 3 layers of skin, and call it a night (Pajamas mostly and sometimes sweatpants)

66) have you ever won a spelling bee? *Obligatory Bee Movie Joke* (I’ve never even heard of a spelling bee in any of the schools I’ve been to)

67) what are your hobbies? Well I like to kill all mortals #ZamasuWasRight  (I enjoy martial arts, drawing, video games, game design, and walking around my house with nothing to do)

68) can you draw? UH BOI YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ART IS UNTIL YOUVE SEEN A SHITTY JOJO DRAWING OF MINE (I mean yeah but not well)

69) do you play an instrument? Electric Triangle (Actually, I play the Violin but not super well)

70) what was the last concert you saw? SORRY WHAT I CANT HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF THE CONCERT (I’ve never been to one that seems like the opposite of fun for me personally I hate hyper loud music, people, and crowds)

71) tea or coffee? Coftea next question (tea. I don’t drink caffeine if i can help it)

72) Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? I need my sugar sonic rings (Again, Don’t drink caffeine)

73) do you want to get married? I’m already getting married. MARRIED TO THE LIFE OF CRIME THAT IS UP TOP (I mean I would like to one day)

74) what is your crush’s first and last initial? My  Self (I don’t have anyone I’m crushing on)

75) are you going to change your last name when you get married? What’s crimes last name? Smigglesworth? (If my partners last name is something with an S cuz then I can be PJS)

76) what color looks best on you? You know the color mario turns when he uses the super star? T-that (Pink and Black)

77) do you miss anyone right now? PPFFFFFT NOOOOO WHATS A FEEL *CRIES* THOSE ARENT TEARS ITS JUST SWEAT IVE ANSWERED A LOT OF QUESTIONS OKAY (I miss all my internet friends :(  *cries*)

78) do you sleep with your door open or closed? It is neither open nor closed it is in a hyper dimensional state between open and closed in which no mortal can enter or exit but also cannot be blocked from passage (clooossed because otherwise the cats are gonna kill my fish)

79) do you believe in ghosts? I mean how else would I make a long and successful career as a ghost buster (I do!)

80) what is your biggest pet peeve? My pet, Peeve! Biggest one I know! (depends on for what tbh the other day a guest speaker was talking to the class and this kid was playing music in his headphones really really loud and it pissed me off)

81) last person you called? Called what? Called them a nerd? A good bean? A meme? MAKE MORE SENSE YOU ******* **** *** ******** (Well according to my phone, the name listed is “Mom”)

82) favorite ice cream flavor? I’ll ice your cream if you’re not careful (Vanilla with chocolate syrup mixed together is hella everyone GO TRY IT)

83) regular oreos or golden oreos? The fuck is a golden oreo?? (No seriously, what the actual is a golden oreo)

84) chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? *mario invincible star song plays as I flash color and dash down rainbow road* I’ll have to think about it (rainboooowww!)

85) what shirt are you wearing? Well I…. You see… The thing is…. excuse me for one second (yeah I can’t think of sass to this one but my favorite shirt! Sonic mania that my friend Tasha bought for me and I love it!!!)

86) what is your phone background?  RYUJIN NO KEN WO KURAE!! “What do you think of this color? Is it not beautiful?” If you dont know those HOW DARE YOU LEARN THEM AND WE ARE WATCHING DRAGON BALL (Genji lock screen and Goku Black home screen)

87) are you outgoing or shy? Does THIS answer your question >:D (Outgoing when I want to be, but I’m antisocial so it’s like I CAN be outgoing and personable but it’s highly on my terms ya feel?)

88) do you like it when people play with your hair? My hair is a pride to my race the Saiyans hair is a sacred thing I will advise you not to touch it (YYYEEESSSS I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT BUT THAT HARDLY EVER HAPPENS)

89) do you like your neighbors?  …..the what? Never heard of it before is that a type of appliance? (I mean they’re chill we don’t interact a lot which I’m cool with)

90) do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? Nothin can cure this ugly face fest of spring 2018 (I use face wash when I shower which is typically right after school not sure why it matters but there ya go :V)

91) have you ever been high? “I’m high on LIFE maaaannn” -Incorrect Shaggy quotes (N o p e  never have don’t plan on it)

92) have you ever been drunk? shots ShotS SHOTS SHOTSSHOTSHOTS (nope but I will one day maybe in College years)

93) last thing you ate? The shattering realization that my friends will keep saying OWO to me every chance they get (Pancakes! asked for french toast but I loooove the breakfast food so no complaints)

94) favorite lyrics right now someBODY Once Told Me The World Is Gonna Roll Me… (The lyrics to Bloody Stream dude it’s a  g r e a t  op)

95) summer or winter? Sorry I’m on Mars weather its ZXAR right now (eeehhhh winter cuz then I have an excuse to be inside and it’s also the ski season)

96) day or night? I am the darkness. I am the night. I am BATMAN (Night honestly I’m a fan of the darkness)

97) dark, milk, or white chocolate? Plllleeeeaaase its like asking if you’re heart is pure of evil or not. Dark Chocolate is a sin (Milk chocolate is the best chocolate fight me on that)

98) favorite month? See, some may argue for their birthday months, christmas, new beginnings to the year, but I say there’s only ONE spooky time :3 (Altho I’m one of the fools that’s gonna have to go with March because it usually has my favorite kind of weather for where I live)

99) what is your zodiac sign  I refuse to go by Zodiac signs until Ted Cruz is proven to be the Zodiac Kill————–”OLD MEME ALERT THIS IS THE MEME POLICE”   “I AINT GOIN BACK TO JAIL”  (Cancer! I wear a necklace of my sign all the time fun fact for ya)

100) who was the last person you cried in front of?  Me after writing all these (Don’t know actually I try not to cry in front of people ever)

[peachhoneii]

Upon discovering her mother was to marry her long time sweetheart, Opal exclaimed,

“Oh fuck me.”

A lot of other words can be said, kinder if not polite sentiments can be expressed, but Opal doesn’t want to be kind or polite. Her mother bristles ever so slightly in the chair but says nothing in reprimand...they’ve heard much worse from her.

“You’re going to marry him.” 

It’s scathing and a little bit unfair, but to be fair to Opal, she thought it was a phase. A little old phase stemming from recent financial and business success, or the simple fact her ma had spent the better part of a century, exactly fifty years, living and raising children in his deteriorated cabin.

Opal tears into the sandwich. She should’ve known something was afoot when he returned for his long lost sled. She should’ve known something was going on when she suddenly appeared in Duckburg for no apparent reason, dressed in her old dancehall gown.

Goldie anticipates this and sets her hand on the table. Opal’s right eye twitches. It’s like she’s been thrust into the past, and she’s fifteen years old again. Fifteen with dirty feet, dirty hair, bruised knuckles because Sally Smith just had to make fun of her dirty feet and dirty hair. It isn’t her fault she lived miles away from the school house, and it isn’t her fault her fist slammed into Sally’s right eye before the girl could defend herself.

“Opal, your father and I -,”

“You mean Mr. McDuck and yourself.” A pickle bursts in her mouth, and she spits it out, she had asked specifically for no pickles. 

It makes sense why her ma requested a public seating. A nice, quiet diner on Main Street, filled with happy people. She doesn’t want Opal to make a scene, and surely, Opal will not make a scene now. She picks the pickles out and continues to eat, forcing the sandwich down her throat.

Goldie chews on her french fries, “We’ll be at City Hall for seven.”

“In the morning?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t see why. It isn’t that important.”

“Ten, Scrooge has a meeting for 7:30.” 

“I have to work.”

“I’m sure he can make an arrangement. He owns Anatidae Insurance, and they’ll be able to survive without their receptionist.”

A proper dig. It wouldn’t be a conversation with ma if there wasn’t one. Opal doesn’t have the strength to glare as she sips her iced water, “I’m sure they can, but I highly doubt this is even in my best interests.”

“Oh?”

“I am not particularly fond of the groom.” Goldie rolls her eyes, and Opal groans, “You could have anyone else. It could be anyone else.”

Opal doesn’t get it. Opal doesn’t want to get it. And on some awkward, crippled medium she does get it. Her ma blinks at her, chuckles, and every hardened feature on her face softens. The Canadian frostbite simply melts off her body, and she’s a young woman again. Glittering Goldie lives, lives proudly and ravishingly.

Opal is both sickened and elated. She can’t tell which part is stronger. 

“It’s him.” Goldie says softly (with iron - or is it gold?), “It’s always been him, and there’s going to be a marriage if you attend or not, although we would prefer if you did.”

“We.”

“Yes.” Her emerald irises glitter. She has waited fifty years to say this with certainty, and finally, she can. She doesn’t miss a beat, “Yes, we, my darling.”

The rest of their lunch is eaten with small talk. Opal mentions she isn’t a receptionist any longer and will be an insurance lady in the next week. Ava Muscovy retires at the end of the week. They’ll be a party for her, but recalling Ava’s sheepish grin, “Oh dearie, you don’t have to come,” makes a lot more sense than it did at the beginning of the week.

Goldie still has executive control of the Frostbite Hotel, and Sam is more than worthy, more than willing to take over as official manager. He’s a good man, she explains, and an even better accountant, “He’ll give those workers a swift kick in the ass to keep ‘em straight, and that’s how it’ll be.”

Lunch ends with a kiss on a cheek, and Goldie holds her cheek, “I do love you, Opal.”

“I love you too, Ma,” and this is true - despite her disappointment, this will forever be true. 

Opal’s lunch will end in about fifteen minutes, and she’s more than ready to take the escape route. 

“You came!” Donald says with Daisy and the boys in tow. It’s strange. While she certainly doesn’t like Scrooge, she doesn’t know what to feel about Donald and the boys. 

Of course I was going to come...some would say, and Opal sighs, “She’s my mom.” That’s end of that conversation. She does compliment the boys in their nice red, blue, and green suits. She tells Daisy her bow is exceptionally tightened today, and she’s impressed Donald has managed to find a sailor suit that stands out from all the others.

These sound condescending, but these are merely observations. She’s sincere about the sailor suit, it’s a lighter shader than his usual black, and the material is strong, sturdier. It has a delicate sheen about it. 

“Where are they?” Donald asks, “I didn’t see them out front.”

“Already up there, waiting for the judge.” She motions to the couple standing idly, a rare sight to behold, and she leads the way for the ceremony.

Scrooge has his traditional red coat dry cleaned, the first in over two decades, and Goldie wears a simple dress reminiscent of the gold nugget that brought them together in the first place. 

She doesn’t want to throw up. That’s good. But she hasn’t eaten. That’s bad. It’s a Saturday, and she needs to start training. Wait...pay attention...they’re exchanging the rings...when did they get rings? Bolivar needs more dog food too. She can’t forget about Bolivar, and the carpet needs vacuuming. Crap...yep...they’re signing the marriage license. Okay.

Mr. and Mrs. McDuck seal the deal with the kiss. They clap, she claps, they all have to clap because this is the moment they’ve waited fifty years for. Opal feels warm. She feels warm and fuzzy, and her ma glitters holding his hand. Opal can’t see him. She doesn’t want to see him, but she sees her ma. And she is happy. 

She can be happy for her. Can’t she?

“You’re not coming to the mansion?” Goldie’s tracking skills are tenacious at best except when it comes to Opal, “We’re going to have breakfast, and I promise you, he won’t charge you to eat or wash the dishes.”

Opal is halfway down the stairs, “You are asking a lot from me now.”

Never intimidated, she crosses her arms, and Opal looks away her frowning face. She shouldn’t be frowning, not on this day, “Have you eaten, at least, taken your medicine?”

“No...,” Goldie’s eyes widen in fear (not shock), “but I am going to. I need to run a few errands. It’s fine. I’m not gonna die from not taking my medicine right when I wake up. It says take every morning and every night. Very vague details.”

Flashbacks war in Goldie’s memories, and the frown and its accompanying fear makes Opal wonder. She wouldn’t put it past her. They’re married now, but even the thought of it makes her stomach queasy. 

“I am going to eat something and take my medicine right now.” She points down the street, “I’m going in for training right now, so please, don’t worry. Have fun.”

Goldie isn’t convinced. She prepares to protest when a pair of hands approach her from behind, “Aye, m’dear, there ye’ are, wha’ goin’ on ‘ere?”

The thaw comes, and her laughter is like bells. “Oh you...now...stop, what of your meeting?”

“The board can wait.” He grips her waist close to him, and his eyes stray to Opal standing on the side, “Ye’ comin’ to breakfast aren’t ye?”

She wants to cry. She wants to sob and say everything she could never say. Her happiness...she looks so happy...happier than she’s ever been in all the years Opal has been alive. She does more than glitter; she’s positively glowing.

“No.” Opal says firmly, “I have errands to run, but thank you. And congratulations.”

She kisses her mother goodbye, hugs her a little tighter than usual, and says nothing to him, sending him only a hard stare as he glowers at her silently in return. 

It’s called compromise.

Lying is not something she’s good at. When she makes it to her apartment and has given Bolivar his breakfast, she eats toast and ham at the kitchen table. The mail sits quietly on the counter top, waiting to be read. She had forgotten about it yesterday in her rush to find a nice dress at an inexpensive price.

As she munches on her toasted ham sandwiches (without pickles) and two morning tablets, next will be her green tablet for the afternoon followed by her nightly blue one, she wanders to the small pile of unopened envelopes. 

Several are from her foster brothers and sisters still in Canada, one from a penpal she met when she was 18, and the last reads in bold, printed letters Anatidae Insurance.

Popping her morning pills and orange juice, she slices the envelope open, and reads the letter’s contents. The script is technical, formal, and its sentence structure is the same.

Opal crunched the letter in her hand, and dug her face into it. 

“Ms. Opal O’Gilt, due to a downsizing of the department you were originally hired for, you will be transferred to Duckburg’s Money Bin on Killmotor Hill as a receptionist to the Eleventh Floor. You start on Monday.”

She rereads the letter three more times, each reading providing little context, but the situation is extremely clear to her. She chews her second sandwich, and washes it down with a cup of orange juice. Setting the paper down on the counter, she leans back and stares out the window.

She sets the half-empty glass of orange juice on the counter.

Her fists slams on the counter part, causing the dishes in the sink to rattle, and the walls tremble weakly. 

It hurts. The pain slices through her skin. Her breathing is shallow, and her shoulders can’t quite stop shaking despite her pleading for them to.

“That Glaswegian son of a bitch.”

A lot of things happened during the week of Goldie O’Gilt’s marriage to Scrooge McDuck. Opal bought a new dress after ten years. She got promoted at work. She bought Bolivar a new collar. She even went to that fancy hair salon and got her hair washed and curled.

But there’s one thing she’ll never forget...one thing she knows will punch her in the gut until the day she dies...and it’s that her mother’s new husband was not a supporter of compromise.

Especially when it came to family.

@humanityinahandbag i’m going to leave this at your doorstep.

@donaldtheduckdad i’m ringing your doorbell!

@robinine-blog no, no i am not looking through your windows. just in my mail truck.

[gracieisnotmuchofawriter]

Alone (Therapists & Children)

A couple years ago, I met someone who meant the world to me. His name was Robin. We sat in that room lit with bright orange lights. Steps ran down to the center where a piano sat. A projector sat atop the ceiling, pointing towards a white sheet just behind the piano. Off to the side sat a shelf with a stereo on top. The walls were dark, brown and obviously made of wood. Squares of foam sat a few inches apart across the walls. The entrance sat off to the side, on the other was a closet that stored all of the chairs. I sat at the back with all of the Mezzo’s. Ms. Curtis had trouble gauging what my range was. We were doing these team building exercises, to find our voices and sync up. When she got to the Mezzo’s she was very disappointed when she found out I had never sang a word in that room. She gave me Mezzo because of my speaking voice. So I sang throughout that hour with everyone who was just now realizing I existed.

  I didn’t sync well with the Alto’s because my voice was a little too high. Finally, she decided I was a Mezzo Soprano, so she grabbed a random Baritone Bass off the shelf to start the usual exercise. He sat down and it was the first time I was ever interested in a boy. He had big brown eyes, messy red curls on his head, all styled forward. He always looked so cool in those blue, slim fit jeans, slip-on Vans, some short sleeved button up shirt. His face wasn’t hard, it was soft but defined. We connected after the teacher found out we both hadn’t sang a word in that room. What started out as a team building exercise turned into another search for this boy’s proper range. She told me to sit back down and—as she put it—“Just, wait until we’re done.”

  When it was all said and done, the bell rang. It was the last hour of the day. Afterward we properly met after school. He walked me to the bank my aunt worked at, our conversation was easy enough. He took me out. It was the first time I wore a dress since I was four. I met his friends, they became my friends. They bought me an Xbox. This boy and I had sex, it was my first time. Then senior year happened. Texting everyday turned into a few texts throughout the evening. Weekends turned into a few texts in either the afternoon or the evening. All of the sudden, in October, he announced he was moving to California to be with his mom and dad. He stopped coming to school. He stopped talking to me. He stopped talking to his friends. Or at least I thought. I remember jumping online, seeing my brother on, he was talking to someone, I could hear him. I thought it was everyone else. It was Robin, the boy I was seeing.

  The next day, it felt like everyone was staring at me. My stomach felt hollow, my heart ached, I felt tired, hungover. I floated through the day, I slept in my history class. My friends (his friends) tried talking to me at lunch, but I couldn’t pay attention. I complained about an upset stomach and called Brielle. Her and her girlfriend picked me up. My room felt so big and empty. The white bumpy walls, the dark brown floors, the glass desk in the corner, the TV just above my dresser in front of my bed. My bed’s white blanket, my tan pillowcases. Everything just looked bland and lifeless. I ignored my brother through the rest of the week. He didn’t do anything wrong, though, he just thought I was still talking to Robin, he didn’t know, no one knew he ignored me like that.

  Today, my heart swelled to the size of a grapefruit. My lungs felt punctured. My chest felt like a cinderblock laid atop of it. I sat in the bathroom heaving, trying to catch my breath. No one heard me, Asha went home for the weekend, the girls on the other side went home as well. The ringing in my ears became louder. A harsh pressure pressed onto my sinus’, tears came out of my eyes. It felt like pins kept stabbing my back and across my shoulders. I laid down on my side, curling up into a ball.

  “Jude’s not the same.” I kept groaning through my heavy sobs.

  Jude went home to Lincoln, to see their family, their siblings. Apparently their brother had a kid recently. Jude left on Thursday, they haven’t texted me back. It’s Saturday.

  My brain kept bringing up terrible thoughts, the more I ignored them the louder they got.

  ‘Jude’s done with you.’

  ‘Jude’s tired of you.’

  ‘Jude’s bored of you.’

  ‘Jude knew you were irritating the day you bitched about lying to your instructor.’

  “No, they’re just busy.”

  “No, they’re just busy.”

  “No, they’re just busy.”

  “No, Jude didn’t care, they really just wanted me to move past it.”

  ‘Jude’s just another Robin. For good reason.’

  ‘Jude should move past you if this is how you react to a couple days of silence.’

  ‘Maybe your mom knew how much of a wreck you are, maybe that’s why she left you.’

  I got off the bathroom floor, I walked into my room, my eyes stung, my back hurt, my stomach hurt. I opened my drawer, finding that pill bottle. “Take one(1) as needed”. I dropped two tablets into my hand, stuffing them into my mouth. I grab my bottle of water, washing the pills down into my stomach. I stumble back, chest still on fire, thoughts still racing. I curl up onto my bed. I want my aunty.

—

“Jude’s memo, September Twenty-Eighth.

‘Eggs, milk, diet soda, Gatorade and a gift for this cute girl I met at school.’ That’s my list for today’s outing. It’s a relatively humid day, my hair feels all flat and my face feels like a cheeseburger. My armpits are kinda yeasty and I don’t care, nothing’s gonna stop me from wearing a tank top today. Anastasia carries my sweater so if those clouds man up and actually do something, I got something to cover up with. Also, I need to pay my phone bill. It’s prepaid, thank god, so no late fees.

I started making these after mom died, our families never been the same. But my brother’s kid being born has done the impossible. I’m driving down to Lincoln to meet up with my sister and we’re gonna go see his beautiful little family. We’re gonna lay our mom to rest, properly this time. When it happened, my siblings and I couldn’t bear to be around each other, we all just saw our mom in each other I guess. Each other. Us. It still really hasn’t hit me that we’re all gonna be in the same room together again. It seems so far away that I’m wondering what Amber might like from Lincoln, what can I find her that she’ll get excited about. Me,

Jaime and Judith are gonna be in a room again but all I can think of is my stupid crush. She’s not stupid, the act of thinking about her over this momentous occasion for the Kent family is strange and dumb.

I don’t know... Amber. She might just be a crush, just a curiosity for the school year, I mean, I’m not even sure if I like graphic design. I like doodling, I like making things, but advertising? Is that me? Maybe Amber is just someone to distract me from those fucking questions, but at the same time, her face keeps popping into my head, I can hear her voice if I just imagine it, I don’t know. She’s much, uh, ‘looser’ these days. She doesn’t seem so tense, so distant. I’ve been sitting next to her in Digital Layout One for the entire year so far, this week was the first time I saw her usually milky face turn colored, splashes of pinks on her cheeks, her lips seem, I don’t know how to describe it, but she seems like there’s just more life to her. Her shoulders slump more, her legs don’t bounce like crazy, her hair sits behind her ears more, she takes off that big ass sweater she’s been wearing. She replaced it with a much more comfortable cardigan. She just seems healthier. Probably because a friend sits next to her. But how ethical is it? I mean, this only started because I have a crush on her. Is this okay? Is it okay to pursue her with the slightest expectation that I might get some coochie at the end of this? The answer is probably no, especially given for the fact that I know next to nothing about her, her past, her wants and her needs. I mean, maybe it’s too early to judge things, perhaps I should slow down this thought of not knowing her well enough, the ethics and just have fun. She likes me well enough, I think. We laugh a lot, she shares her sense of humor with me. I mean, she made a sex joke earlier this week, and it was a fucking cute one at that! Jesus, what do I do? I want McDonald’s, there’s one in Missouri Valley, I’m gonna check it out, give’em a visit, see how those nuggets have been. Does Amber like McDonald’s, I mean we got Chipotle and Taco Bell, she must like McDonald’s. Or maybe she’s just too polite to ask, like I say I want Chipotle and she just goes with it. Maybe these questions are best suited to ask her and not the woman who’s gonna listen to this with me on Monday, Hi Jamie! What do I do? What would my mom say? She’d probably tell me just follow my heart because she really had nothing else to add, she always thought me being wholly queer meant she couldn’t give me adequate advice, but that’s not true, when she did give me advice, it was always fucking good, it was exactly what I needed to hear, even if I didn’t want to hear it. I know examples would be better, but, this recording is getting a little long. My mind is a bit wild today. From meeting Amber, to my brother and his girlfriend finally popping that kid out, getting to see my sister Judith after four fucking years. Maybe the reality of seeing everyone is actually hitting me, maybe I am really nervous and I’m just trying to use Amber as a shield from all of this.”

[jeena-aesthetic]

this isn't yourself at all. do all the questions.

wow you’re right, i definitely did not just ask myself to answer all the questions because i’m bored as shit. how’d you know? 

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? I pay for Spotify premium and I’m a broke college student, that’s how much I love Spotify 

is your room messy or clean? ....yes. an organized mess. 

what color are your eyes? a shade of blue, varies from very blue to like a gray-blue 

do you like your name? why? yeah i like it bc it’s kinda common as people know it and it’s on personalized stuff but not common enough where you can’t go a day without seeing someone who has the same name as you 

what is your relationship status? i’ve got a boy but he hasn’t talked to me at all today ??? so ???? that may change (i’m slightly kidding, it’s literally fine but like i need validation so i will just stress in silence) 

describe your personality in 3 words or less funny, worrisome, precise 

what color hair do you have? dirty blonde 

what kind of car do you drive? color? hyundai, black

where do you shop? mostly online, but target has become my main store 

how would you describe your style? you tried to look nice and it kinda worked or it’s a miracle you put pants on today... no inbetween 

favorite social media account either twitter or instagram 

what size bed do you have? my one at home is a full but the ones at college are twin xl 

any siblings? 2 

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? probably somewhere in europe, probably like spain or norway or something. it’s really beautiful there and i mean you still get snow but it’s not fucking freezing so it’s a win win 

favorite snapchat filter? i don’t really use filters i just use bitmojis 

favorite makeup brand(s) i know nothing about makeup lol 

how many times a week do you shower? i mainly shower every other day, if not more than that so it depends

favorite tv show? one tree hill made me emo and i’m currently rewatching glee so 

shoe size? fuck if i knew, you try the shoes on and if they fit you buy them 

how tall are you? fuck if i know, probably like 5′7″ or 5′8″ 

sandals or sneakers? sandals probs 

do you go to the gym? hahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

describe your dream date currently i am in the christmas mood so like if jake came down and we went to the rotary lights i’d cry tears of joy 

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? likeeeeeeeee $40 I think ? doesn’t really matter 

what color socks are you wearing? orange 

how many pillows do you sleep with? one 

do you have a job? what do you do? lol no not yet, i’m gonna get a summer job working at a dog daycare tho 

how many friends do you have? like 2 

whats the worst thing you have ever done? hold on to things i shouldn’t have 

whats your favorite candle scent? I LOVE CANDLES LITERALLY ANYTHING 

3 favorite boy names meh 

3 favorite girl names too much thinking 

favorite actor? i feel like i’m obligated to say channing tatum but that ain’t even true... probably david tennant 

favorite actress? emma watson probs 

who is your celebrity crush? why does no one come to mind anymore....sad 

favorite movie? Mean girls or pitch perfect... or high school musical. actually no LEMONADE MOUTH 

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? the last book i read was for my anthropology class and it was all about pregnancy and babies... i don’t really wanna read books for a while now 

money or brains? theoretically with brains should also come money.....so brains 

do you have a nickname? what is it? they called me jeena in high school... hence the url 

how many times have you been to the hospital? probably the one time when i was born in one 

top 10 favorite songs ain’t nobody got time for that... my spotify username is nikna40 tho 

do you take any medications daily? nope 

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) yes 

what is your biggest fear? drowning 

how many kids do you want? like two probably

whats your go to hair style? um. washing my hair and whatever happens, happens 

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) both are fairly big and almost like farmhousy 

who is your role model? me bitch 

what was the last compliment you received? i take each like on my tweets as a compliment 

what was the last text you sent? okie 

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? i mean i’ve suspected it since i was like 4... da fuck who just comes into our house and knows exactly what we want ??? why won’t i hear our cows mooing at the reindeer ??? 

what is your dream car? my current car but with automatic locks and cruise control 

opinion on smoking? FUCK IT THAT’S THE ONE THING I CAN’T TOLERATE WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA 

do you go to college? lol yah 

what is your dream job? marrying rich and becoming a housewife 

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? rural 

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? no that shit ain’t good 

do you have freckles? yes 

do you smile for pictures? yes

how many pictures do you have on your phone? too many 

have you ever peed in the woods? um no 

do you still watch cartoons? um no 

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? CULVERS CHICKEN TENDERS 

Favorite dipping sauce? ranch 

what do you wear to bed? literally the clothes i wore all day if i didn’t wear jeans 

have you ever won a spelling bee? noep 

what are your hobbies? crying. jk looking at memes, watching netflix, making playlists, photography

can you draw? HA no 

do you play an instrument? i played saxophone in high school, kinda wanna learn ukulele and piano 

what was the last concert you saw? gavin degraw 

tea or coffee? tea

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? um neither

do you want to get married? at some point 

what is your crush’s first and last initial? JN

are you going to change your last name when you get married? if it has a nice ring to it probably 

what color looks best on you? yellow or like turquoise 

do you miss anyone right now? kinda :/ 

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed 

do you believe in ghosts? yes 

what is your biggest pet peeve? WHEN YOU LIVE WITH BOYS AND THEY CAN’T LEARN TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN. OR WHEN PEOPLE PUT IN TOILET PAPER THE WRONG WAY 

last person you called` kirstie probs 

favorite ice cream flavor? cookie dough 

regular oreos or golden oreos? da fuck are golden oreos 

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow 

what shirt are you wearing? a shirt 

what is your phone background? whatever the default was. lot of diamonds. 

are you outgoing or shy? still kinda shy 

do you like it when people play with your hair? YES 

do you like your neighbors? they aight 

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? yes, in the morning 

have you ever been high? lol no  

have you ever been drunk? lol yes 

last thing you ate? christmas cookie 

favorite lyrics right now nothing really comes to mind atm 

summer or winter? summer 

day or night? day

dark, milk, or white chocolate? white chocolate 

favorite month? september

what is your zodiac sign libra

who was the last person you cried in front of? my boi 

[racehas2hands]

Sprace- Soulmate AU (Markings)

Race slammed his lunch tray on the cafeteria table. "When I meet my soulmate I'm kicking their ass."

A small laugh bounced around the table. Race's soulmate was notorious for getting into fights, which usually resulted in Race covered in marks. None of the bruises or occasional cuts actually hurt, but he was still pissed each time he woke up with new ones.

"So the glasses," Mush began with a chuckle, "Do you really have a-"

"Of course I fucking do." Race sat down and took off his sunglasses to reveal a sickly yellow-green color coating almost the entirety of his left eye.

A series of "Ooh"s was the next thing to erupt from the table, followed by a few more chuckles.

"They seriously couldn't wait a day to get their ass beat?" Race pouted as he stabbed a straw through his milk carton. "I mean seriously?"

"Look at it this way, Race. You probably weren't going to have a nice school picture anyway."

"Awh, shut it." Race threw a handful of cold, almost orange chicken nuggets at Romeo but he dodged them with a snicker. He sighed, to him this whole "shared markings" thing between soulmates was lame and useless unless your soulmate just so happened to get scarred in an obvious place. His soulmate just gave him extra freckles and some bruised cheekbones to work with.

Race glared across the table at Kid Blink, who had his arm around Mush, and then at Jack and Crutchie. He wouldn't admit it, but he was kind of envious. Blink knew right away that the scar that appeared over Mush's eye one day was his and all it took was a particularly hot day for Jack to realize the new scars on his leg were from Crutchie's accident. Race had a funny shaped scar as if something was branded onto his forearm, but he practically lived in sweaters.

"Jealousy is an ugly look, Race." Jack wrapped his arms around Crutchie and kissed the side of his head. Race blinked a few times, snapping back to reality.

"I ain't jealous." He sneered, "Just wanna find the little asshole so they stop getting hurt."

"That so?"

"Course it is."

Jack raised his eyebrows, making a disbelieving face of "Alright", and Crutchie stifled a laugh. The table went back to its usual banter, Race joining the fun, until the bell rang for next period. Reluctantly, everyone dispersed and bid their "see ya"s as they separated in the hallway. Race, Katherine, and Jack went to the gym, where PE was canceled in favor of taking pictures. The divider that split the gym in half stretched across the center. On one side, a photographer was set up and the gym teacher was calling kids down. On the other, a group of boys picked up a basketball while everyone else lolled around on the bleachers.

The three went to the top corner of the bleachers.

"How much to mess up my hair and clothes so this picture looks like I was jumped on school property?"

Katherine covered a smile with her hand, "As funny as that is, Race, it’s more stupid and they'll just fix you before taking the picture anyway. "

Race groaned and slid down so he was sprawled out on the bleachers, "I really can't even get a prank out of this?"

"Afraid not."

Race scoffed as the teacher called out for boys A-E.

After gym, the rest of the day went along as usual with the exception of Race and Smalls getting caught tricking the vending machine into giving them an extra bag of chips and their money back. The were only given an hour of detention and a strict warning not to do it again.

When detention ended, Race grabbed his phone from the front of the room and headed out. As it turned on, he got an influx of texts and missed calls from Davey, Katherine, and Sarah. None of the texts actually told him what the fuss was about, so he dialed Davey's number. He picked up on two rings.

"Are you still in the school?" Davey sounded frantic, but excited.

"Yeah, why?"

"Come to room 313! We think we found your soulmate."

"Holy shit." Race whispered as he abruptly hung up. He took off dashing down the hall, made a sharp turn, and took the stairs two at a time. When he reached the room, he lingered outside of the door.

Race took a deep breath and wiped his palms on his jeans. He straightened his back and went in confidently, just in case his soulmate was in the room. They weren't.

Katherine, Sarah, and Davey stood at a computer talking.

"Race!" Sarah perked up and ran over to Race, dragging him to the computer by his hand. She talked as she went, "So, as captains, Katherine, Davey, and I were looking at everyone's pictures, right?"

"Mhm, how does this have anything to do with-"

"Shh!" Sarah let go and exchanged Race's hand for Katherine's. "Shut up and put your face next to the screen."

Race rolled his eyes and sat in the chair by the computer. Davey kneeled down and abandoned whatever it was he was doing to pull up a picture. The three yearbook workers stood back and switched between observing Race and the image on the screen. Race suppressed the urge to pull a face.

"Yeah, that's it." Davey said "They're definitely the same."

The girls nodded and Race whipped his head around to see Sean Conlon's yearbook picture. He was wearing his signature smirk and his left eye had the same sickly color around it as Race's.

"Spot? No fucking way."

"Honestly," Katherine said, "I don't know how we didn't see it? You're both covered in freckles and got more when you reached Soulmate age."

"Plus he's enough of an ass to always get into fights." Sarah added.

Everyone nodded and hummed little "mhm"s, but Race just stared at the screen. He subconsciously brought a hand to his bruised eye.

Spot and Race weren't exactly enemies, but they weren't friends either. They talked shit to each other in gym when Race wasn't in the weight room with Katherine and did whatever they could to get on each other's nerves without being too much of a dick. Spot often left school after lunch, so it was somehow not a surprise that they never saw each other with bruised faces.

Race thought over in his head. His school went by block scheduling, which means he had four subjects on one day and four different subjects the next. Tomorrow was an A-Day, so he had computer science with Spot. Usually, he sat on the other side of the room but he could always just sit near him and let Spot figure it out by himself.

Davey tapped Race's shoulder. "Earth to Racetrack. You okay?"

"Absolutely peachy." Race smiled and cleared his throat, "Thanks for this, but I gotta get home and check if Angie managed not to kill everyone."

Everyone bid their goodbyes as Race left, but he took his time walking back to his grandmother's house. With his baby siblings, there was hardly any peace and quiet in the house during the day and Race had to think. He felt kind of bad leaving his 14 year old sister with the four little hellions any longer than technically necessary, but he's been taking care of these kids for a while and it was his soulmate at stake. He was gone for an hour before deciding it was best to bring up the subject to Spot in the simplest way possible.

The next day during luch, Spot was sitting in his usual place under the football field bleachers with a joint in his hand. Race hesitated, telling himself that this wasn't the right time, but then he remembered how happy all of the couples in his friend group are. He took a deep breath and started walking towards him.

"Hey, jackass! Got a nice shiner under those pretentious sunglasses?" Race smirked and sat down in the grass next to Spot.

"No fucking way." Spot breathed, more of being in denial than answering his question.

"Yeah." Race scoffed, "That's what I said." He reached over and took the joint from in between Spot's fingers, kind of surprised he was even allowed close to it. He took a drag, handed it back, and blew the smoke out. "Does this mean we have to be nice to each other now? Cause it's pretty cute when you get pissed."

"If you think the competition in gym class is cute, then you're going to absolutely adore me." Spot took off his sunglasses and placed them on the top of his head.

"You know what isn't cute?"

"Your opinion?"

"These god damn bruises."

Spot laughed, a genuine laugh that wasn't a snicker or meant to mock him, and Race felt the corners of his mouth go up at the sound. He always thought of Spot as beautiful in a rough sort of way, but never thought he'd ever actually mean anything to him other than a friendly harsh-competition.

"So," Spot took another drag from his joint, then handed it to Race. "What do we do with this... interesting information?"

Race leaned his elbows on his knees, "What do you want to do with it?"

"You know the butterfly effect?"

Race went to talk, but was cut off as Spot kept going, propping himself up on his elbows. "Course you do, my soulmate is smart as shit." Race laughed and Spot continued, starting to talk faster. "The theory is that a small thing can have a huge effect on everything around it, right? Well, like, five minutes ago I thought you were cute but it's not like I liked you-"

"Thanks."

"Shut up." Spot began to speak in one breath, "And then you went and showed me we were soulmates and damn, Race, I don't know exactly how to feel but I guess what I'm saying in the most complicated way possible is that I want to kiss you." he looked down, thinking he literally couldn't have said that any lamer.

Race snorted, a smile on his face and a look of amused disbelief. "You're such a dork."

"Shut your trap and get down here, Higgins." Spot grabbed a handful of the front of Race's shirt and pulled him down into a rough kiss.