#why do you think john 'i want to kill my son sam' winchester

[drum-bot-brian]

i hate it when people make it seem like sam had a good childhood bc dean kinda parented him! like obvy dean did but in the show hes clearly shown to be just a normal teenager who went on a bunch of dates too? he left sam im pluckys for like hours and sam was pretty severely neglected bc dean started hunting with john and leaving sam alone? like this isnt anti dean bc he was just doing teenager things and trying to spend time with his dad but we need to consider the fact that sam had a imaginary friend at like 12 bc he was so lonely and ran away when he was a kid bc he hated hunting (read john) so much! like sam would have known how hard it was to be a kid and he valued his studies a lot so it must have been bad for him to have run away. all those people he thought he was not taught how to hunt need to remember the fact that sam was given a gun when he was still scared of the dark. and even if he wasnt hunting do you thing john winchesters kid wouldnt know how to defend himself? also consider his heavens being when he got away from his home? his random thanksgiving when he was like 13 was better than any times he spent with his family basically

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

Safe Distance

John Winchester & daughter!reader, Sam and Dean Winchester & little sister!reader

Requested by Anonymous

Synopsis: you visit Sam at Stanford, and he makes promises that he doesn’t keep

You were crazy. Actually, you were beyond crazy. They needed a new, more dramatic version of the word crazy to describe you.

Not to mention, your dad was going to kill you.

Taking John’s money for a nonessential was enough to at least tick him off a bit. Not asking first was just blatantly disobeying him. Using it to sneak out in the middle of the night and take a bus out of town was basically asking for major punishment.

But going to see Sam? Oh, that was the nail in your coffin.

Dad hadn’t even talked about Sam since the day he left. Well, since the day after he left. The night Sam ditched the family for college, John pretended to be stoic for a couple of hours while he drank, but after half a dozen beers and Dean going to bed…

It was the only time you’d ever seen your father cry.

But since then, nothing; not a word about Sam, not a phone call, not even vague mentions. You got the message clearly—Sam didn’t exist anymore. You knew deep down that dad didn’t mean what he said about never letting Sam come back. You knew that if Sam ever decided to walk through those doors again, dad would be (secretly) overjoyed, and Sam would be allowed to stay. But now, while he was gone, while he was at college, the rule was clear; no talking to Sam. That didn’t mean you’d ever followed it—you’d tried to call Sam whenever you could sneak Dean’s phone (dad had taken yours the first time he caught you trying to call Sam); Sam had just never picked up.

You’d tried to live with just not talking to Sam, you really had, but you just couldn’t do it anymore. You had to see him, you had to convince him that his family still loved him, still wanted him back.

So here you were, on a bus in the middle of the night, your sleeping father and brother none the wiser to your crazy antics.

You were going to see Sam.

…

John was beside himself. He was forcing himself to take deep breath after deep breath so that he didn’t snap at Dean—he didn’t blame Dean, after all; he blamed himself. His eleven year old was missing from the motel room, and he didn’t even know where to begin looking.

“Dad!”

John was about to tell his son not to distract him, but he saw the paper Dean was waving—a note?

“Give me that.” John grabbed the paper from Dean and scanned down it quickly. “I’m safe. I’ll be back soon.” John scoffed. “Is she insane? This says nothing! She knows better than this! She could be anywhere, and we can’t protect her!”

“At least we know she left willingly,” Dean offered. “Nothing took her.”

“Yeah.” John ran a hand over his face. “Yet.”

…

You arrived at Stanford without incident, but your anxiety was mounting with every second. Was this a horrible idea? What if you couldn’t even find Sam? What if Dean and Dad figured out where you were, and they were already waiting on campus in the Impala? A car ride would have been much shorter than the bus you took—which was why you left your note vague in the first place.

You shook off your worries as you stepped onto campus. You were here to see Sam, and you weren’t going to let anything stop you.

You had no idea how to find him, so you did the only thing you could think of—

“Excuse me, have you seen this guy?” You were walking around campus as classes got out, interrupting the endless stream of people as you showed a picture you kept of Sam to as many people as you could get to look your way. You had no way of knowing if Sam was using his real name or an alias, so a visual representation was your best bet. Besides, Sam was always the friendly one—chances were, someone around here knew him. However, it wasn’t going well so far.

“Are you lost, honey?” asked a concerned-looking college student.

“I think that guy is in my metal-working class,” some guy offered. You doubted it—and besides, he didn’t offer any information about where Sam might be now.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to be here,” said another student—why was everyone so useless?

“Hey, I know that guy.” You turned your head when someone tapped your shoulder and pointed at your picture. “You’re looking for Sam?”

You nodded. “He’s my brother—I’m trying to surprise him.”

“He’s probably back at his apartment. It’s only about a block away, c’mon I’ll show you—I just got out of classes for the day.”

“I can find it if you tell me the address,” you offered shyly.

“And let Sam Winchester’s kid sister wander the streets? Heck no, your big brother would kill me.” The man chuckled, but you couldn’t tell if he was joking. “Follow me, kid.”

The kind stranger led you right up to Sam’s door before turning right back around and leaving. You found yourself standing alone on Sam’s porch, your hand twitching as if you couldn’t get up the strength to knock.

What if he didn’t want to see you? You’d always had a little voice in the back of your mind telling you it was your fault Sam left; normally the voice was tiny, because you knew that Sam left because he hated hunting, not you. But right now, standing in front of his doorway after a whole year, the voice was a whole lot louder.

Dad and Dean are gonna murder you for doing this, another voice said. You’d better make it worth it.

You were lifting your hand to knock when it opened.

“Whoa—Y/N?” Sam was halfway out the door when he froze in his tracks, inches from bumping into you.

“He-hey Sammy.” You cursed the stutter in your voice as you rocked back and forth on your heels. “Surprise.”

“What are you doing here?” Sam was looking around behind you. “You didn’t—I mean—are Dad and Dean—“

“I’m alone,” you assured him. “I just…I wanted to see you.”

“Do they know you’re here?”

“If they knew, I wouldn’t be here.” You took in your big brother—his hair longer, his clothes new—and noticed that he had a jacket half on. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Nowhere important.” Sam waved it off. “Why don’t you come on in?” Sam stepped back inside, and you followed him. “Dad’s gonna kill you.”

“Probably,” you mumbled, still rocking awkwardly. Sam’s arms suddenly around you both surprised you and put you at ease. You wrapped your arms around his neck, clinging tightly to your big brother. You hadn’t really been sure if he’d want to see you, or if things would be awkward, but Sam was just glad you were here.

“I missed you,” Sam admitted.

“I missed you too. It’s so weird in the motels alone.”

Sam pulled away suddenly. “They leave you alone?”

“When they’re on hunts.” You shrugged. “They don’t have another choice.” At Sam’s guilty silence, you kept going. “I didn’t mean—I’m not trying to make you feel bad, Sam. I just wanted to come see you.”

Sam’s attempted reply was cut short by the ringing of his cell phone. “It’s Dean,” he said when he looked at the number.

“Don’t answer!” You pleaded, but he’d already put the phone to his ear.

“Hey Dean.” Sam’s voice was strained as he spoke. His eyes met yours as he went silent, listening to Dean on the other end.

“Don’t tell him I’m here,” you whispered. “Sam please don’t tell him.”

“Yeah Dean.” Sam averted his gaze from your eyes. “Yeah she’s here. Ok. I’ll see you then.” He hung up.

“Why did you do that?” You demanded.

“Honey, you’ve gotta go back home,” Sam reasoned. “You’re not supposed to be here. And even though me, Dad, and Dean have had our fights, I’m not gonna let them freak out thinking some monster got you.”

“I know,” you mumbled, your lip quivering. “I just…I wanted to get away with it for a little longer.”

“Hey…” Sam gave you a quick hug before pulling away again. “Listen, Dean said they won’t be here for a few hours. Let me show you some of my favorite spots around here, ok?”

You gave Sam a watery smile.

“Sounds great.”

…

Sam took you to a local ice cream shop and walked you past everywhere he and his friends hung out. He introduced you to a pretty girl named Jess—Sam called her his “friend”, but he blushed while he talked to her.

After a few hours out with him, Sam took you back to his apartment to wait for Dean and John. You were sitting on Sam’s couch, catching each other up on the past year.

“You’re happy,” you said suddenly. It wasn’t a question.

“I am.” Sam was smiling. “And I miss you guys—I do—but I had to do this. I had to live my own life.”

“I-I know.” You stared down at your fidgeting hands. “I always understood it, I just…that didn’t stop it from hurting.”

“Hey, when you grow up, you can do the same thing. You can go to college, find your own life.”

You shook your head. “I don’t think I’m brave enough for that.”

“Are you kidding?” Sam laughed. “You left Dad and Dean to come find me, the pariah. And you’re just eleven! You’re brave enough to do whatever you want.”

“It’s not about leaving,” you admitted. “It’s about staying away. I can’t…I couldn’t be on my own like you can. I’d miss everyone too much.”

“Hey.” Sam put a hand on your shoulder, and you lifted your gaze to his eyes. “When you’re old enough, come find me. Dad and Dean might not want to talk to you if you go to college, but I’ll be here for you, I promise.”

“You…you will?”

“Hey, you’re still my little sister. I��“

Sam stopped when he heard the distinct sound of Baby’s engine just outside the door.

“They’re here.” You swallowed hard.

Sam walked you to his door, letting you hold onto his hand like you used to do when you were little.

Dean was already standing on Sam’s porch when Sam opened the door.

“Hey,” Dean greeted his brother, rubbing the back of his neck. He turned to you quickly. “You’re dead, by the way. Get in the Impala.”

Dean gave a quick nod to Sam, turning to get back in the car with you trailing just behind him, your feet dragging.

At the last second, you turned and dashed back towards Sam.

“Hey!” Dean called out, and at this point John Winchester started to emerge from the driver’s seat of the Impala. He was just opening his mouth to threaten you to get into the car when he stopped.

You were throwing your arms around your big brother for a last goodbye…or at least that’s what your father and Dean thought.

“Please come back,” you whimpered. “I know I said I understand, but I can’t do it anymore. I don’t wanna be alone anymore, please come back, please. I don’t want to leave you again.”

“Honey…” Sam closed his eyes, holding you in a vice grip one last time before pulling away. “Honey you have to go. And I have to stay. Hey, hey—“ he soothed when you started to cry. “I’ll call you. I promise.”

“You will?” You sniffled.

“Of course. Now get going, you don’t wanna keep Dad waiting.”

You wrapped your arms around Sam’s neck. “I love you.”

Sam kissed your forehead. “I love you too, kiddo. Now get out of here.”

You pulled away, turning finally to get in the car. Sam’s eyes lingered on his father first—who gave him a curt nod—then on his brother—whose hand lifted in an almost-wave before he dropped back into the Impala.

Sam stepped back into his apartment, but he couldn’t resist letting his eyes drift to the scene as he closed to door; John wrapped you in his arms the moment you got close enough, but after a brief moment of relief Sam could hear John start to scold you as the doors closed to both Baby and Sam’s apartment.

…

Sam tossed his bag into the back of the Impala, almost surprised when he saw you sitting in the back.

“Hey honey,” he greeted with a strained smile. You just stared at him.

“You brought her,” Sam directed quietly at Dean as Dean approached him.

“I wasn’t gonna drive halfway across the country without her,” Dean answered. “Especially not with dad missing.”

It had been three years since Sam had seen his family, and you had grown a lot.

“We should get going,” Dean said, and Sam hesitantly climbed into the Impala.

“You should get some sleep,” Dean directed at you. “I know you were faking it on the way here.”

“I’m fine,” you muttered.”

“Uh huh,” Dean scoffed. “Sure.”

Dean clicked on his radio, and Sam wasn’t surprised to hear the usual Metallica. He was just thinking to himself that the drum solos were even longer than usual when Dean spoke again.

“Out like a light.”

“What?” Sam asked. Dean gestured in the backseat, and Sam saw you fast asleep, your mouth hanging open and Dean’s jacket clutched in your arms.

“Those drum solos put her out every time,” Dean chuckled. Sam felt a pang somewhere deep in his gut—he never would’ve known how to get you to sleep.

There was a lot he didn’t know about you.

��

Sam was returning from the gas station with some snacks when he saw you talking animatedly with Dean—you had a big grin on your face and you were waving a book around. The moment Sam got close, the grin slowly faded and you changed the subject abruptly.

“Are we ready?” You asked quietly.

“Uh…yeah,” Dean said, also sensing the change. “Let’s get going.”

“What are you reading?” Sam asked as the Impala started up, hoping to coax you out of your shell. You just held up the book, letting it cover your face so Sam could see the title. “Ok,” Sam sighed, turning his attention back to the stretch of road.

…

“Are you ok?” You jumped up from the desk in the cheap motel when your big brothers stumbled into the room after a little run in with the woman in white.

“Fine, I’m fine,” Dean promised, even though Sam had watched him take a serious beating.

“No you’re not,” you said immediately, going for the first aid kit. “Sit,” you commanded.

Sam was surprised—he’d never seen you this assertive in the eleven years he’d grown up with you. Three years had done a lot to you.

Sam watched from the corner of the room while you and Dean worked silently in an odd rhythm, like you’d done this a thousand times before.

Dean stripped off his flannel, leaving him in just a gray T-shirt and exposing his cuts to your attentive care. You were just starting to disinfect one of his cuts when Sam reached around you to grab the first aid kit for himself.

“Nuh-uh.” Sam flinched when you slapped his hand away and pointed at the spot on the bed next to Dean. “Wait in line.”

Sam stared at you in surprise for a minute, but you were focused on wrapping Dean’s arm, so Sam just sat down.

“Ok go take a shower,” you told Dean when you were done. “You smell like dead people.”

Dean scoffed, but he didn’t argue.

“It’s just this,” Sam told you as he lifted his pant leg to reveal a long—but not too deep—cut across his shin. He’d gotten it when he smashed baby through a house; he was surprised Dean didn’t kill him for that.

“There’s splinters in it,” you said almost to yourself while you grabbed a pair of tweezers.

Silence reigned for several minutes while you painstakingly removed the tiny splinters from Sam’s cut.

“You didn’t call,” you said finally.

Sam had expected this moment to come. “I…I know.”

“Did…” you swallowed hard, and Sam noticed your hand shaking slightly. “Did I do something?”

“What?” Sam grabbed your hand to get your attention. “No, no you didn’t do anything.”

Your lip was quivering. “Then why did you lie to me?”

“I didn’t…” Sam sighed. “I didn’t mean to lie. I did want to call you, I just—well, first I was afraid that Dean or Dad would answer, since I only have their numbers. Then I…I thought about all the things that could have happened to you on the way to visit me that time. How many monsters could’ve gotten you because you left Dad and Dean for me. I didn’t want to encourage that…so I thought it was best if I stayed away.”

“I thought I did something wrong.” You pulled your hand away from Sam’s, forcing yourself to continue fixing his leg. “I-I thought maybe you didn’t want me anymore.”

The past tense of your words didn’t fool Sam—you still felt that way, he could tell.

“No,” he assured you. “That’s not it, that could never be it. I wish I could be with you more, it’s just…you’re not old enough to choose a life, and lingering in the middle of both is the most dangerous place to be. I know a lot has happened, but I’m still your big brother, and I had to take care of you. I thought…I thought that meant staying away.”

“Ok,” you sniffled.

“But I meant what I said,” Sam continued. “If you want out at 18, come find me. Really.”

“Ok,” you said again. “Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m…glad you’re here now.”

Sam grinned—albeit a little halfheartedly, knowing that he was returning to Stanford in the morning.

“Yeah, me too kiddo.”

“So…” a wry smile found its way onto your face. “How’s that friend of yours? Jess, right? Dean said she was in your apartment.”

“Blabbermouth,” Sam muttered under his breath.

“Well, I think this leg of yours needs stitches, so you’ve got plenty of time to tell me about this girlfriend of yours.”

Sam chuckled. Maybe you hadn’t changed all that much.

Taglist:

@nyotamalfoy @mrvlxgrl @chocorade @aestheticdaisies @inlovewhithafairytale @that-wannabe-vangoghgurl @casmustdiee @987coley @deadlymistletoe @wayward-impala83 @whump-loverz

[lambmotifz]

what do you think about the sam&mary parallels?

it drives me insane every time i think about it

their parallels in the context of azazel/mary & azazel/sam dynamics. “sammy…you’re my favorite”. “mary…so far, she’s my favorite”. bone chilling. the implications make me want to throw up

their parallelism regarding the themes of running away from family/escaping captivity/seeking safety. “i’ll run away if i have to. i wanna get out. this job, this life, i hate it. i want a family, i wanna be safe”. “not normal. safe”. they really said sam is his mother’s daughter in the pilot episode!

sam prays every day...mary used to tell her sons that angels were watching over them. dean telling sam that mary had the same faith sam does. “she was wrong. there was nothing protecting her”. this line kills me every. single. time

the fandom doesn’t talk enough about sam/mary parallels when it comes to the winchester family as a whole, it’s canon that sam reminds dean and john of their dead mother/wife (“there’s a lot of his mother in sammy”). honestly it’s such a huge win for wincest (both samdean & samjohn), but people barely talk about it. how it can partly explain dean and john’s possessiveness & overprotectiveness towards sam. how it might as well be one of the main reasons why they’re so angry about sam leaving them (“you left! your brother and me, we needed you!”). how john’s idealization of his wife parallels dean’s idealization of his mother and his little brother…

[loversofthegrave]

What are some of your fave wincest fics?

Oh I'm so glad you asked anon! I am always looking for fic recs so I'm sure some followers will appreciate this little one here;

(in no particular order)

try asking by applecrumbledore

“Jerry says he saw them going at it in the back of that car of theirs outside Atlanta last year, I swear to God.”

“Listen, man, I don’t like them either, but that’s a low blow. Jerry’s a fucking pervert.”

outside POV ftw

other brothers by homo_pink

A callow boy can go from infancy to someone’s lover in the space of two wildflower summers.

Another outside POV but this writer I kneel at the altar for, absolute perfection. Read all their work, you're in for a treat

Howls in my bones by weefaol

When John gets a call to investigate a series of grisly animal killings, he drops Sam and Dean at an abandoned cabin two towns over. The boys find ways to keep busy — playing cards, watching movies, chopping wood — but with a howling winter storm on the way, there’s nowhere for Sam to hide his illicit feelings for his older brother.

As the lure of desire threatens to devour him, Sam must learn to face the wolves that lurk outside and the monsters within.

weecest

In the garden where sin began by nyoka

Some places, they grow for you.

weecest, beautifully written, so tender

one on, two out by deadlybride

In the fall of 2001, Deacon gets a letter from his old friend John Winchester, asking if John's son can stay at his house for a while.

not exactly wincest but I want to recommend this because it's just a great insight into a young dean and his vulnerability and there's a sequel involving wincest elements. Really really loved this

it started out with a kiss by intrepidheart

Sam has a date. That's not the problem. The problem is that Sam's asking Dean to teach him how to kiss. The problem is that this kiss changes everything.

rightly obsessed with jealous dean

the repeated image of the lover destroyed by hathfrozen

"Do you really love me that much?" Sam asks.

Dean laughs, a harsh sound, his body shaking underneath Sam.

"Look at me," Dean hisses, eyes still shut. "What the fuck do you think?"

see things so much clearer by deadlybride

Sam's been acting oddly. Dean learns how to use the history on an internet browser and finds out why.

somewhere there's blue by linden

Dean was just gonna go ahead and call this one: evenings which ended with Sam in a river were not evenings which had gone too well.

nickle and dime by linden

It was unlikely, Dean felt, that they'd be coming back to Montana: Child Protection Services had a real nasty habit of not forgetting people's names.

here's a few for now, I have more but I need to remember the names! I will probably reblog this with them but I hope you enjoy! Also if anyone has any recs please point me in that direction

much love

[loverslantern]

The Hunter and The Witch~ Dean Winchester x f!reader

Description: John realises where the demon will strike next so they head there to stop the next killing.

Warnings: Cannon violence

Word Count: 4.6k

Salvation

(Masterlist, Previous chapter, Outfit Board)

  The room is filled with John’s research. The walls are covered with post-its, pictures, newspaper articles, weather charts, and hieroglyphics all about the yellow-eyed demon. There are papers strewn across the desk with the Colt and shelves of hefty books lining the walls. “You know to anyone else this would look like a psychotic break,” I think aloud, examining the wall of information. “Well—”

  “Whatever stupid comment you’re going to make, don’t,” John cuts me off. I make a face he cannot see, mocking him.

  “This is it,” he continues. “This is everything I know. Look, our whole lives we’ve been searching for this demon right? Not a trace, just…nothing. Until about a year ago. For the first time, I picked up a trail.”

  “And that’s when you took off,” Dean concludes. He hasn’t stopped pacing since we got here.

  “Yeah, that’s right. The demon must have come out of hiding, or hibernation.”

  “Alright so what’s this trail you found?” he asks.

  “It starts in Arizona, then New Jersey, California. Houses burned down to the ground,” he explains. “It's going after families, just like it went after us.”   “Families with infants?” Sam asks, leaning against a counter.   “Yeah. The night of the kid's six-month birthday.”   “I was six months old that night?”   “Exactly six months,” John echoes.   “So basically, this demon is going after these kids for some reason. The same way it came for me? So Mom's death...Jessica. It's all because of me?”   “We don't know that Sam,” Dean defends.   “Oh really? Cause I'd say we're pretty damn sure Dean,” he bites back.   “For the last time, what happened to them was not your fault,” Dean says, his voice lined with frustration.   “Right. It's not my fault but it's my problem,” he shouts.   “No, it's not your problem it's our problem!”

  “Okay. That's enough,” John commands, standing abruptly. Immediately they stop, backing down as they take breaths. 

  Sam breaks the momentary silence. “So why's he doing it? What does he want?” It’s an almost impossible question especially when one will never be good enough, it doesn’t bring people back nor make you understand. The most it can give is a direction on how to stop it if that. “The answer can range from chaos junky to wanting an army,” I answer.

  “I wish I had more answers, I do,” John adds. “I’ve always been one step behind it. Look, I’ve never gotten there in time to save…” He looks down with a frown on his face.   “Alright, so how do we find it..before it hits again?” Dean asks.   “There are signs. It took me a while to see the pattern but it's there in the days before these fires; signs crop up in an area. Cattle deaths, temperature fluctuations, electrical storms. And then I went back and checked...and…”   “These things happened in Lawrence,” Dean finished.

  John nods, “A week before your mother died. And in Palo Alto...before Jessica. And these signs, they're starting again.”   “Where?” Sam asks   “Salvation, Iowa.”

********

  The roads seem endless as we head to Iowa; land stretching for miles. John's black truck leads the way through countless hours and misty roads until he suddenly pulls off onto the shoulder. Call it a learned habit or whatever else; either way we exit the Impala with haste, meeting a distressed John outside his vehicle. “God damn it!” he curses, kicking the dirt by his tires.

  “What is it?” Dean asks.

  “Son of a bitch!” he curses again instead of answering.

  “What is it?!” he tries again.

  “I just got a call from Caleb,” he explains.

  “Is he okay?” Dean asks, worry on his face.

  “He’s fine. Jim Murphy’s dead.”

  “Who’s Jim?” I ask. I know the Winchesters have many connections, yet it still surprises me how many they do have, especially when my father had little to none. I think he only had John by the time he married Mom, and that was really only an ‘I owe you.’ Turns out no one wants to keep in touch or be friends with the guy who married a Witch. “He’s a Pastor that would look after us sometimes,” Dean explains. It comes back to me a little: Sam mentioned calling Pastor Jim for information on their father months ago, and Dean telling me memories long ago in the faint autumn sun.

  “How?” Sam asks.

  “His throat was slashed. He bled out,” John answers. “Caleb said they found traces of sulfur at Jim's place.”

  “A demon,” Dean concludes. His father nods. “The Demon?”

  “I don't know. ‘Could be he just got careless, he slipped up. Maybe the demon knows we're getting close.”

  “That doesn’t sound like something he would do though,” I chime in. “Why suddenly change the pattern even if he does think you’re getting close?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What do we do?” Dean asks.   “Now we act like every second counts. There are two hospitals and a health center in this county. We split up, cover more ground. I want records. I want a list of every infant that's going to be six months old in the next week,” John orders.   “Dad that could be dozens of kids. How do we know which one's the right one?” Sam points out.   “We check ‘em all that's how. ‘You got any better ideas?”   “No sir.”  John nods, satisfied with that response. He turns to his truck and stops, his head hanging low. The last few days might be the most I’ve seen him upset. “Dad?” Dean says softly.   “Yeah. It's Jim. You know, I can't....” His face hardens, ridding his voice and face of sadness. “This ends now. I'm ending it. I don't care what it takes.”

  I tug on the bottom of my blouse, adjusting how it sits on my chest before walking through the door Dean holds open. He’d been quiet the entire way to the hospital, even when we dropped off Sam at the medical center, I worry it might be about Pastor Jim’s death or the weight of the whole yellow-eyed situation but I’m not sure.

  We walk over to the receptionist's desk, a pretty brunette sitting behind it. He doesn’t make a face or remark about her looks which is even more concerning. “Hi. Is there anything I can do for you?” she asks, shining a perfect smile. 

  “Hello,” I smile back, feeling a burning gaze on me. “I’m Agent Spears and this is my partner, Agent Taylor,” I pull out my ID from my pocket, showing proof of my lie. I look at Dean, his eyes shooting up to my face from wherever they were, his eyebrows raised and eyes a little wide. My eyebrows furrow and my nose scrunches a little with my confusion. He looks at my ID and then at the woman in front of us. “Right,” he mumbles, fumbling with the pocket of his suit jacket for his ID. He pulls it out, flipping it open quickly with a boyish smile. “We…” I look back at the woman. “We were hoping to look at some files…”

********

  Our file reading had been cut short when we received a worrying call from Sam informing us of his vision. It hadn’t taken us long to get to the motel room to regroup and talk; Sam sitting with his head in his hands at the table while his father sat on the end of one of the queen beds. Dean sits on the edge of the other bed, the sleeves of his white button-down rolled up to his elbows; we didn’t have time to change into normal clothes when we essentially rushed over here. And I stand a little awkwardly by Dean, arms crossed against my chest after hearing everything Sam has to say. 

  “A vision,” John repeats flatly.

  “Yes. I saw the demon burning a woman on the ceiling,” Sam explains through gritted teeth, messaging his temples.

  “And you think this is going to happen to this woman you met because…”

  “Because these things happen exactly the way I see them,” Sam finishes.

  “It’s almost like he already explained that,” I remark, earning a sharp glare from John. But, it’s not my fault he’s not getting with the program.

  “It started out as nightmares. Then it started happening while he was awake,” Dean elaborates, rising from the bed and crossing to the counter behind his brother to get more coffee.   Sam winces. “Yeah. It's like the closer I get to anything to do with the demon the stronger the visions get.”

  “Alright. When were you going to tell me about this?” John asks, his words directed at his eldest son. Both boys pause, looking at their father.

  “We didn’t know what it meant,” Dean answers.   “Alright, something like this starts happening to your brother, you pick up the phone and you call me,” John replies firmly.

  The coffee pot and mug slam back onto the counter, discarded as Dean strides towards his father. “Call you? Are you kidding me? Dad, I called you from Lawrence alright? Sam called you when I was dying. I mean, getting you on the phone? I got a better chance of winning the lottery.”   “You're right. Although I'm not too crazy about this new tone of yours, you're right. I'm sorry.”

  “I’m sure you can watch your own tone Johnny Boy,” I interject, an unamused smile on my face. I’ll give it to him, I never thought I’d hear him say he was wrong ever let alone multiple times in the last couple of days. But, I’m also not fond of his accusatory tone as if this was the boy's fault.   “Look guys, visions or no visions, ‘fact is, we know the demon is coming tonight,” Sam cuts in. “And this family's gonna go through the same hell we went through.”   “No, they're not. No one is, ever again,” John reaffirms. Then, the ringing of a phone cuts through the atmosphere. “Hello?” Sam answers.

  “Who is this?”

…

 “Meg,” he states. The name is like a knife being plunged into my gut. It is a reminder of the cruelty I put her through, how it was my fault she died as she did. The boys tried to convince me that it wasn’t my fault but they were wrong. Her death may not have been on purpose but it was certainly my fault. And now she’s back. That night is a reminder of what I am and all that I’m capable of. No matter how much I try to hold back and no matter how good I am I can never get rid of what is in my blood.

  “Last time I saw you you fell out of a window,” Sam answers. Again there is no blame put on anyone, it’s framed as an accident or something that happened and yet it does not feel that way to me. “...Just your feelings? That was a seven-story drop.” She should be dead and yet she isn’t. Maybe this should feel like a second chance or rid me of some guilt, but it doesn’t. Sam looks over to his Dad before he answers whatever question he was asked. “My Dad. I don't know where my Dad is.”

  He hesitates and then the phone is put into his father's hands. “This is John…I'm here”   There’s a long pause before he speaks again. “Caleb? You listen to me. He's got nothing to do with anything. You let him go.”

  It doesn’t take a genius to figure out she’s torturing this man. 

  “…I don't know what you're talking about,” He answers steadily. “…Caleb. Caleb!... I'm gonna kill you, you know that?” The boys step closer to him. “Okay…I said okay, I'll bring you the colt.”

  My eyes widen.   “It's gonna take me about a day's drive to get there…That's impossible. I can't get there in time and I can't just carry a gun on the plane.” There’s a silence and a grim look on his face before John hands back Sam’s phone. He runs a hand down his face as he paces, explaining that Meg demanded he bring the Colt to a warehouse in Lincoln alone otherwise everyone they’ve ever known, every hunter friend, every loved one will die.   “So you think Meg is a demon?” Sam questions.   “Either that, or she's possessed by one. It doesn't really matter,” John replies.

  “‘How else could she have…um… survived,” I mumble.   “What do we do?” Dean asks.   “I’m going to Lincoln,” John declares.

  “What?” Dean exclaims.   “It doesn't look like we have a choice. If I don't go, a lot of people die, our friends die.”   “Dad, the demon is coming tonight. For Monica and her family. That gun is all we got, you can't just hand it over,” Sam points out.   “Who said anything about handing it over? Look, besides us and a coupla of vampires no ones really seen the gun, no one knows what it looks like.”   “So what, you're just going to pick up a ringer at a pawn shop?” Dean asks.   “Antique store,” John clarifies.   “Cause that’s so different,” I remark. I mean, it is but in this instance, there might as well not be a difference. 

  “You're going to hand Meg a fake gun and hope she doesn't notice?” Dean interjects.   “Look, as long as it's close, she shouldn't be able to tell the difference,” he reasons.   “Yeah but for how long? What happens when she figures it out?” Dean points out, his voice firm.

  “I just...I just need to buy a few hours, that's all.”

  “I know you’re supposed to go alone but I can go with you and offer assistance from afar,” I offer.

  “No,” he says firmly. “You need to be with the boys.” I never thought I’d hear him say those words but with the way he directs them at me so sharply I know what he means. I can offer a level of protection against the yellow-eyed demon that wouldn’t be there otherwise.

  “You want us to stay here, and kill this demon by ourselves?” Sam asks, figuring out what his father meant as well.   “No Sam. I want to stop losing people we love. I want you to go to school, I want Dean to have a home. I want...I want Mary alive. It's just...I just want this to be over.”

********

  I can’t stop my leg from bouncing as we sit in the Impala, watching the house where the demon will strike next. The boys are better at hiding their nervousness, which may only be good in this instance, but I’m unsure. 

  John was long gone by now. His truck was packed with a fake gun and an arsenal of weapons. The real gun sitting between Sam and Dean in the front seat with only four bullets. Promises of “don’t die” and “finish this fight” were shared before he left. 

  Maybe I shouldn’t be nervous or maybe that’s a stupid remark. There’s a whole powerful and methodical demon to take down and a handful of people to protect in the process. I can’t mess up and I certainly can’t falter. I won’t. This is also why, for once, I chose simple clothing, opting for an all-black outfit that would be easy to move in. This had to go right.

  And no offense to the boys but I’ve been tuning out most of their conversations. I don’t need “what ifs” I just need focus, my ears tuned to the radio playing music quietly and my eyes trained on the house, waiting for the telltale signs.

  “You doin’ okay back there, sweetheart? You’re awfully quiet.”

  My eyes immediately follow the voice; so much for tuning them out. “I’m always quiet,” I defend.

  He smirks, somehow able to even at a time like this, “That’s not true.”

  “Hey,” I frown.

  “Didn’t say it was a bad thing,” he adds. “‘You nervous?” It’s a question, yet the way he looks at me through the rearview mirror makes me feel like he already knows the answer and is just asking out of courtesy. 

  “‘Course I am,” I answer. “And I know you guys are too…Which is fine! Nervous is good…probably.”

  “Well, don’t worry that pretty head of yours, we’ll be just fine. I’ll protect you,” he declares, winking. He’s all smug in the way he says it and the way he smiles. Yet, I’m sure he’s just trying to get me to smile. And it works. I smile, scuffing and shaking my head even though I know for a fact that he wasn’t joking about protecting me. “There she is,” he drawls, eyes dipping down. My nervousness does ease, which should be stupid when all he did was talk to me. Maybe that’s pathetic and maybe I don’t care if it is. 

  “Dean...ah...I wanna thank you,” Sam says, joining in on whatever this is.   “For what?” He responds, eyes breaking from the rearview mirror to look at his brother.   “For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And uh...I don't know I just wanted to let you know, just in case.”   “Whoa whoa whoa, are you kidding me?”   “What?”   “Don't say just in case something happens to you. I don't wanna hear that fucking speech man. Nobody's dying tonight. Not us, not that family, nobody. Except for that demon. That evil son of a bitch ain't getting any older than tonight, you understand me?” Any softness Dean had moments ago seemed gone now. The light not-joking-joke was serious and ever so evident. This is a serious situation and I almost feel guilty for feeling a moment of ease, especially when the real fear of death lingers over all of us. Things can go wrong here really quickly; the Demon might not die tonight. The only thing I can promise and ensure, above all else, is that my boys aren’t dying.

********

  “Dad’s not answering,” Dean announces, his phone held to his ear. 

  “Maybe Meg was late,” Sam suggests. “Maybe cell reception’s bad.” 

  Of course, he may be right, there's always the possibility; yet it feels like nothing more than an attempt to be positive, to see things optimistically. 

  “Yeah, well—”

  “Wait. Listen,” Sam cuts Dean off. He rolls the dial on the radio, the breaking static getting louder.

  “The lights are flickering,” I add, eyes trained on the house. My heart hammers in my chest at the knowledge of what lurks ahead.

  “It’s coming,” Sam concludes.

  Nothing more needs to be said and no more evidence needs to be presented for us to haul it out of the car. I beeline it to the front door, my hand on the handle and the lock undone before my body is fully near it. The boys take the lead, taking careful steps down the hallway. Then, a man lunges forward swinging a bat into a lamp. It shatters to the floor with a resounding clash.

  “Get out of my house!” He yells, positioning himself to swing again. He has poor aim, a goatee, and a green sweater over a button-down, which doesn’t make for the most intimidating combination. 

  Dean surges forward, grappling with the man and the bat while Sam pleads for him to calm down. He fights against Dean who easily takes control, swinging him against the wall with a thud, the bat pressed across his throat. “Be quiet and listen to me,” Dean orders sharply. “Be quiet and listen. We are trying to help you.”

  God, that was kind of hot—Wait. Priorities, I remind myself. “Come on, Sam,” I nod, moving to the stairs. Dean can take care of himself and we had other things to worry about.

  “Charlie? Is everything okay?” A woman's voice cuts in just as I put one foot on the bottom step.

  “Monica get the baby!” Charlie yells frantically. 

  “Don’t go in the nursery!” The Winchesters yell at the same time. 

  I rush up the stairs, taking two at a time, throwing back another, “Sam!” In an attempt to urge him along. I hear a faint threat from Charlie and some light commotion as I move down the long corridor, seeing a flash of white rush into a room at the far end. I push my legs forward, breaking into a run. I skid into the bedroom, catching only the syllables of a sentence before I throw myself in front of the dark-haired woman clad in a white nightgown. Immediately, I launch a burst of energy toward the dark figure sending it back into the wall. I don’t have the gun, all I can do is keep it busy. 

  “Get out of here!” I yell, looking back only briefly. But, suddenly I’m flung sideways, my shoulder hitting the wall hard before I fall to the floor, picture frames rattling above me. “Go!” I order, pain erupting in my shoulder and down my arm as I pick myself up.

  “But my–”

  Yellow eyes shine as it raises its hand.

  “I’ll get your baby, just go!” 

  I intercept it again, throwing another blast that doesn’t seem to do anything more than halt and irritate it. Monica leaves the room. The baby erupts into tears, the commotion certainly startling it. The Demon tries to move me again with a flick of a wrist but I brace myself, using my powers to hold me in place as I lift my own hands and attempt to move it away from the crib. But, it barely shifts. And yet it feels like I’m fighting against gravity, a heavy invisible force trying to force me back as if weights were tied to my limbs. Even so, I push more of my powers forward, harsher and faster yet it still doesn’t budge even if it feels like a house was being thrown on top of me. 

  Then, Sam bursts through the doorway, freezing as he takes in the Demon. It seems to react to him, turning to him slightly. The Colt is raised and the shot rings in the air. The baby’s wailing becomes just as piercing as the gun. The Demon disappears into smoke, the bullet landing in the wall behind it, marking the wall. 

  I nearly collapse as the invisible weight is lifted off of me, my bones feel like jello–almost as if they too were giving up on me. I slump forward slightly, pulling myself toward the crib.

  “Where the hell did it go!” Sam yells.

  I ignore him, focusing on getting the kid out first. Before my hands even touch the wooden sides I can feel what is to come, the fire licking at my hands before there's one at all. I don’t know whether it's some sort of intuition or what Missouri had shown me all those months ago, either way, I quickly and carefully scoop up the crying baby, the crib exploding into flames as I step back and shield the child from it. The windows explode, flames crawling outwards—feeding on the oxygen.

  The moment I step into the hallway strong arms encircle me. He’s behind me, urging me forward with a hand on my middle back as we race out of the house, smoke filling the place rapidly. Sam and Monica aren’t that far in front of us, I guess she only left the room before and not the house itself.

  My lungs greedily take in clean air as we make it outside. The baby is taken from my arms and into the rightful one of her mothers. Charlie puts his arm around his wife’s, eyes scanning both his girls. “Thank you,” Monica says with tear-filled eyes. 

  I’m glad everyone was safe and yet I feel almost defeated, like there was more that could’ve been done. And I’m sure that same thought is going through the boy's heads too. All that we can do is watch as the house is consumed in flames, harsh oranges and reds licking at what is meant to be a place of safety. But, there in the burning nursery, through shattered windows, is a mocking dark silhouette that can only be one being.

  “It’s still in there!” Sam yells, starting for the front door.

  Dean grabs him quickly, holding him back, “Sam. Sam, no.”

  “Dean let me go, it’s still in there,” he argues, struggling against his hold.

  “No. It’s burning to the ground, it’s suicide.”

  “I don’t care,” Sam yells.

  “I do!’

  And just like that, something changes. I can’t explain what it is exactly, but it’s heavy and it’s real. Once more, all we can do is watch as the flames rise again, the Demon disappearing. 

********

  Dean paces the motel room, his phone to his ear as it rings for the umpteenth time. “Come on Dad, answer your phone damn it,” he grumbles. Given the last year his disappearance doesn’t seem out of character but because he was on this whole mission his lack of contact is worrisome. He hangs up with a huff, “Somethings wrong.”

  “Okay,” I sigh from my chair, “We’ll find him…again.” Whatever is wrong we can fix, or at the very least handle it better than the yellow-eyed demon (hopefully.) 

  Dean nods silently, stress and frustration clear in his features. Then, his attention goes to Sam who instead of answering stares at the wall with his classic bitchface. Dean tilts his head down, trying to get his brother's attention. “‘You hear me? Somethings wrong.”

  “If you had just let me go in there, I coulda ended all this.”

  “Sam, the only thing you would have ended was your life,” Dean counters.

  “You don’t know that,” Sam answers firmly.

  “The building was going down you wouldn’t be able to see let alone breathe long enough to even get to it or do anything,” I add.

  He shakes his head, “‘Doesn’t matter.”

  Dean walks towards where Sam sits on the end of one of the beds. “So what, you’re just willing to sacrifice yourself, is that it?”

  He stands up abruptly, towering over his brother. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re damn right I am.”

  “Well, that’s not going to happen, not as long as I’m around.”

  “What the hell are you talking about Dean? We’ve been searching for this demon our whole lives. It’s the only thing we’ve ever cared about.”

  “Sam, I wanna waste it. I do. Okay? But it’s not worth dying over.”

  “What?”

  “I mean it. If hunting this demon means getting yourself killed then I hope we never find the damn thing,” he doubles down.   “That thing killed Jess. That thing killed Mom,” Sam argues.   “You said it yourself once, that no matter what we do, they're gone, and they're never coming back.”

  Sam snaps. He grabs Dean by the collar of his shirt and shoves him hard against the wall. I stand quickly, ready to intervene but Dean throws me a quick look that tells me to not. 

  “Don't you say that, not you!” Sam yells, his voice breaking a little. “Not after all this don’t you say that.”   Despite the anger thrown at him Dean answers with soft, quiet words, “Sam look. The three of us...that's all we have...and it's all I have. Sometimes I feel like I'm barely holding it together man...and without you…or Y/N, or Dad…”

  “Dad,” Sam slumps, letting go and turning away. He runs a hand down his face as he walks across the room. “He should have called by now. Try him again.”   Dean presses a couple of buttons, then raises his phone to his ear. It’s quiet for two beats before his face contorts in anger. “Where is he?” He spits.

                                     ......TO BE CONTINUED......

(Next Chapter)

Tag List: @jesllianaquilesrolonsworld @okayiamkassandra @fablesrose @ada--44 @bonkydarnes @star-yawnznn @crazyunsexycool @onlyangel-444 @seninjakitey @mystic-mara @mxltifxndom @stilesxreid @chaotic-luvrs @tiggytaylor @deanwasscaredbyacat @imaginexred @daisychaingirl @yasmin12312 @squishytap @i-am-fckn-sleep-deprived @wecangetlostinthepurplerain

[scoobydoodean]

sorry if this is old/annoying disk horse, or it's addressed later on in canon (i haven't been in the fandom long and i'm on season 6 of the show), but what do you think about john winchester being another righteous man? do you think he really was, or it was mostly just a manipulation tactic (from, if i am remembering correctly, the angels)? i remember the show saying he went through 100 years of torture and didn't break, which was a bit wild to me, but y'know what, sure. alternatively, any thoughts on the fan theory from samgirls that sam is (unintentionally) the righteous man?

feel free to ignore if this is not your thing, or if it really is just annoying disk horse to go through, but i'd love to know your thoughts.

"The righteous man" is a story familiar to the angels and the demons. The prophecy foretold about the righteous man was that he would 1) shed blood in hell, breaking the first seal, and 2) be the only one who could end the apocalypse.

The bit about John being the original righteous man and not breaking on the rack was Alastair's manipulation tactic in 4.16 "On The Head Of A Pin":

I had your pop on my rack for close to a century. [...] John Winchester. Made a good name for himself. A hundred years. After each session, I'd make him the same offer I made you. I'd put down my blade if he picked one up. [...] But he said nein each and every time. Oh, damned if I couldn't break him.

And then a little later:

ALASTAIR: You know, it was supposed to be your father. He was supposed to bring it on. But, in the end, it was you. DEAN: Bring what on? ALASTAIR: Oh, every night, the same offer, remember? Same as your father. And finally you said, "Sign me up." Oh, the first time you picked up my razor, the first time you sliced into that weeping bitch... That was the first seal. DEAN: You're lying. ALASTAIR: And it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in hell. As he breaks, so shall it break. We had to break the first seal before any others. Only way to get the dominoes to fall, right? Topple the one at the front of the line. When we win, when we bring on the apocalypse and burn this earth down, we'll owe it all to you, Dean Winchester. Believe me, son, I wouldn't lie about this. It's kind of a religious sort of thing with me.

John was never "the righteous man" meant to shed blood in hell though, so Alastair is lying at least in part (when he says it was "supposed" to be John). The concept of "the righteous man" originates with the angels/god, and Gabriel says in 5.08 that the archangels were always told it would be Dean and Sam who would be the vessels of the apocalypse who would end things, for the purpose of narrative symmetry with Michael and Lucifer.

You sorry sons of bitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it. Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father, and Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy's plan. You were born to this, boys. It's your destiny! It was always you! As it is in heaven, so it must be on earth. One brother has to kill the other. [...] Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always.

@swordofsun makes an excellent case here that while the angels knew Dean was "the righteous man" the whole time, the demons may have believed it was John they needed for a time. However, there's also reason to suspect the demons found out rather early that John wasn't the person they needed to break (Dean is offered a crossroads deal to trade his soul for John's by 2.08) so it's unlikely John was tortured for anywhere near 100 years in Alastair-torture-chamber-time. Alastair has a motive to twist the truth. He's noticing water dripping from a pipe about to break the devil's trap, and wants Dean distracted so he doesn't have time to warn Cas and Uriel. Alastair is also an extreme sadist, and he knows that John is a sore spot and that telling Dean not just that he broke the first seal but that his father was supposed to break it but was unbreakable would cause Dean immense emotional pain. It's not only something that causes Dean to feel incredible shame and guilt, but continues the narrative of Dean inheriting burdens intended for John that he can't carry.

any thoughts on the fan theory from samgirls that sam is (unintentionally) the righteous man?

Alright. So. In the sense that Sam shoves Michael and Lucifer in The Cage thus "ending" the apocalypse it was foretold only "the righteous man" could end, I get what the argument is here. The problem is that from a practical standpoint, Sam doesn't break the first seal, so he already isn't the righteous man because of that. Additionally, Dean's arrival at Stull Cemetery is what actually allows Sam to take control over his body again. Without Dean showing up, Sam would never have taken back control of his body and the apocalypse would have happened anyway. So in a sense, the prophecy still transpires in a roundabout way through Dean breaking the first seal, then ending the apocalypse by showing up at Stull, making Lucifer angry (which destabilizes his control) while drawing Sam's consciousness to the surface so he can shove Lucifer and Michael into The Cage.

Practicalities of whether Sam fits the prophecy aside, I think the desire to frame Sam as the righteous man likely comes from a misplaced belief that the title of "righteous man" conveys actual status. The title of "righteous man" itself was a manipulative tactic intended to instill a sense of duty in Dean (that honestly worked very poorly because Dean simply isn't like Michael) and a sense of envy and inadequacy in Sam that would drive the brothers apart. The concept of "the righteous man" wasn't ever an honor or reward. It was a burden and a horror. It was a title bestowed on someone intended to be horrifically tortured, used, objectified, and forced to kill his own brother for the (alleged) "greater good". It is a huge mistake to envy that title and see it as a sign of status instead of shoving aside the curtain hiding the Wizard of Oz and recognizing that "the righteous man" and "the boy king of hell" were glorified titles for angel condoms being manipulated and used.

[golden-bubblebee]

Supernatural season 5 pt3

HAHAHHA CASTIEEEL

This went from 'DEAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING' to 'Noo poor baby you hurt me' Real fast

WowWowWow

Dean winchester you take that back

Wtf do you mean 'you're not my father'

Bobby singer is the only father youve actually had you dipshit

John? He was your commander

Bobby singer, I cry

(You know why i don't shoot myself? Bc I promised YOU that I wouldn't give up!)

WINCHESTER PT3? IS THAT YOU?

IT ISSS

Yoo Cass, low blow. Very funny tho

'You know what, blow me cass' That's the face of an angel very intrigued by that idea

''Cass not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that, I got laid''.

No further comment thank you

"I don't believe"

"In what?"

"In you"

''Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally and erotically codependent on eachother''

So what I'm hearing is that Zacharia ships wincest

I have seen the 'I rebelled for this?' gif. But the scene itself is so much better omg

'What the hell happened to him?'(dean) 'Me' (Cass)

I'm sure that gets said in different contexts too

I do think this shows perfectly who the angels are. Richly and neatly brocaded, filled with promise. But in the end, it's all a sham. Their pretty, rich room is a shed

OH MY GOD

Thats mustve hurt

Couldnt they just

Paint the angel symbol on the inside of his jacket or smt

Instead of carving it into his fucking chest

Hes lying. He has to be lying

THE WINK OH MY GOD THE WINK DEAN I LOVE YOU

"The stupid son of a bitch brought me here"

I JUST DIDNT WANT TO LET YOU DOWN

This episode is goung to be like the Holmes house isnt it

Designed to kill

'Buffet, all you can eat' So youre nicely stuffed when we, eat you

GODS, SERIOUSLY?

Love that those boys literally went 'Hmmm no were leaving now'

Ghostfacers!

Lucy seems genuinly sad abt gabe taking the humans side

But then again hes lucifer so that might be fake

Oh man pestilence is one unpleasant guy

[rosemariad]

SUPERNATURAL SEASON 15 - THE BITTER END - SERIES FINALE

We finally made it here.

Ooooooooh boy. 😬

The opening for THE series finale felt out of place to me.

You’re gonna waste minutes on this really?

How about a discussion about how they beat God, like they actually managed the impossible - 2 dudes just take the fight to the OG master & creator of the universe and won that shit with some plan they pulled outta their asses. Their surrogate child went on to become the next primordial being to reign over the universe. But no, we’re not gonna even talk about any of that.

Coulda done a million different things even with the COVID restrictions (the two actors in a room across a table, do whatever to keep them safe) but whatever 🤦🏾‍♀️

So after God comes vampires w/ masks? Really SPN?

The minute Dean slammed the Impala’s trunk shut after sundown made me nervous (that would be the last time he’s with his Impala, the last time he ever sees her w/ his own eyes 🥺😭)

Out of all the folks to pull outta the SPN peanut gallery you pick that random chick from 1x20?! Jenny?! Just to kill her off anyway (so I spoke too soon, vampJenny is the official last female to die on this show)

Ah…the nail of imminent demise

That final shot of Sam & Dean was toooo fucking intimate.

Suddenly the Wincest people aren’t so crazy. Why are y’all encouraging this?! Dude, they’re brothers!?! #brothersnotlovers. They could’ve done it like the end of Pearl Harbor where they got Ben Affleck crying over Josh Harnett’s body in the crash. Gimme weepy Sam, that Oscar moment. Dean died sooo young 🥺😒 younger than Mary (I know she was technically in her thirties but TBH she was 64/65), bobby, Rufus, Ellen & John. This is why we can’t have nice things😔

Cas is gonna be so saaaad. He always fought so hard for Dean's sake, only for the guy to die so young…it’s an insult - an outrage really. Dean fought so hard for so long only for him to say - it was always gonna end this way?! 😡

He didn’t have to make it to old age (though he deserved to) but don’t let him die like this. All accepting so soon after resolving the meta plot 😔 there were things Dean probably wanted to do and now, he’ll never get his chance. He could’ve settled down with someone (it wouldn’t have been Cas since he got killed off already but shit I would’ve settled for Dean to settle with anyone for a minute, like Sam did) - also would’ve been nice to hear from Jody or Donna and others one last time but hey fuck the side characters 🤣 (oh COVID the scapegoat that keeps on giving - it’s like the showrunners forgot the convenience of modern technology).

So Chuck definitely won - he's no longer burdened by having to deal w/ the universe and one of the Winchesters died anyway. Not exactly as planned but they never broke free, not really. I totally subscribe to this theory. Especially since it’s alluded to that Dean Jr - Sam’s son - is a hunter also at the time of Sam’s death by old age (we think…I’m just saying that’s an awful not of tubes and stuff for the old man, maybe just to monitor his heart rate/health - eh)

The Sam wig is bad but eh - doesn’t bother me - we’re talking about a CW show wrapping up a project, it’s not the end of the world people, the plot is what matters and the plot here is a fucking shit show my lord. It’s not the first show to suffer a shit ending for a show that captivated worldwide audiences, but damn this is a bummer.

But yay for Sam apparently - couldn’t think of a better name for your son than Dean Jr.? It only makes sense to make the kid a junior if it was Dean’s actual kid, like Dean would’ve been Dean Sr. And his boy would’ve been Dean Jr. or Dean W. The II. And and hello there Woman Whose Face we don’t get to see (really committing to limiting women’s presence in the show - again probably blaming in on COVID but if you have a literal baby with this giant man, you can chance a woman being there in an actual camera shot where we can see her face 🙄) Back to Dean - again cuz of COVID? I guess - we don’t get to see him reunite with anyone (not his MOM even?) except Bobby for like 1 second and then he’s just driving around in his car. No roadhouse, no fishing, nothing but sitting in his car, alone killing time until Sam inevitably returns to him.

Oh what a shame…

So that happened I guess. SPN was something else, for better or worse. Probably never gonna get a show like that again. They tried it with the Winchesters spin off about a supposed alternate universe MaryxJohn thing and friends but honestly if its not about the Winchesters brothers or Destiel who cares 🤣 they pretty much wrapped up Sam & Dean’s stories thanks to this finale but Dean (per the Winchesters flop) could be brought back into the fray somehow if they wanted - but hey that’s what fanfiction’s for 😁

Well SPN it’s been interesting…sort of.

On that note…

I wanna thank the fans of the show, your hot takes, memes and general fervor over this show/story is what finally made me watch it all. Cuz I remember the TV spots from back in the day, cruising the CW channel on weeknights after school. I was too busy watching other shows to give SPN a chance while it aired. So thank you 🙏🏽

[supernaturalscribe67]

Just Like Mama Used to Make

Words: 6,178

POV: 1st & 3rd Person

Pairing: John x Son!Reader - Dean/Sam x Brother!Reader [Platonic]

Warning(s): Language, John Winchester, Fluff, Mention of Childhood Trauma, Mention of Death, I think that's it??

Summary: Taking inspiration from his father, the reader starts his very own journal. For his first entry, he recalls some of the memories that shaped him into the hunter that he has become.

Request:

Hello, hope you are having a good day/night

I was wondering if I could request John/Dean/Sam Winchester reaction to having a brother who looks like their mother and picked up hunting like breathing?

@xweirdo101x

A/N: My very first request! It kind of got away from me, but I really hope that I was able to do your request justice. Hope you like it!~

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Hello

Hey!

Dear Diary

SEPTEMBER 2014

To be honest, I have no idea how to start something like this. I was never one for writing, nor have I been one who can easily express my emotions. I guess I got that trait from the Winchester side of my family. Still, I have thought a lot about Dad’s journal lately. The things that he wrote down. It’s not detailed. It’s nowhere near what it was like growing up with him, but it still provides Dean, Sammy, and me with some information and nostalgia from time to time.

So, I figured ‘Why the Hell not’, I might as well write down some things in my own journal. I’m going to die someday anyway, and I want people to read this and be able to see what my life was like. From the good times that I spent with my family to the bad times when I lost my family. Hell, maybe this journal will get me into a history book someday when someone else discovers the Men of Letters Bunker. Who knows. Maybe I’ll be famous after I die, or perhaps it’s just wishful thinking. 

This journal has already turned into a clusterfuck. I don’t even know what to write about. I can’t even think of things to write about. Should I say things about my life? Should I just write down random things I think of throughout the day? I don’t know how to do it. Even when I look at Dad’s journal for inspiration, there’s nothing to inspire in it. A lot of it is notes on how to kill monsters and other stuff is just a bunch of personal bullshit he was going through. 

Well, we were all going through it.

I guess I’ll start by writing down some of the memories I’ve had. If I don’t like it, then I’ll throw this journal away and start another one. I don’t want future historians to think of me as some scatterbrained moron, despite what Sammy and Dean say at times. If you’re reading this now, I’m actually the smartest Winchester brother. Don’t believe a thing Sam and Dean say. I’m the brains of the operations and our day-to-day lives. I’ve saved them more times than I could count. 

Then again, they’ve probably saved me just as much. 

Alright, I’m getting side-tracked. I guess I’ll just start writing. 

Should I introduce myself first before I do so? 

My name is (Y/N) Winchester. I’m a hunter. 

This is my story (God, that was terrible)

AUGUST 1991

I remember the first time I mentioned to my father that I wanted to be a hunter, just like him. I was six years old. Dad didn’t take it very kindly. He yelled, a lot. Screamed sometimes. I never truly understood why he would always get so upset whenever I would ask him to teach me how to hunt. 

It wasn’t until I was a man that I understood why. 

I look just like my mother. 

I don’t know how I could have been so blind all those years. I have her hair. I have her face. I have her smile. All of these things have been said by my father before. Not necessarily when he was sober. I was always the one person that reminded my Dad of his wife. Of my mother. I think a part of him wanted to keep me safe, just so he could always look at me and remember what she looked like. Even when I was a child, though, I could see the hurt behind his eyes every once in a while when he would look at me. It made me feel guilty. 

Still does. 

I know that none of it is my fault, that he made himself hurt. 

Still… 

For months, I would ask my Dad to teach me about hunting. To teach me about the monsters that crept through the darkness. Each time I asked, he would reject my request and I would get scolded for asking such a stupid question. 

So, one night, around the age of seven or eight (one of the two, I can’t remember exactly), I decided that school wasn’t very important. There were occasions when I snuck out of classes to go to the library of whatever town we were in at the time to search the limited amount of lore books that they had. There were times when I got caught by Dean before I was able to sneak out. Other times it was by Sammy. Sometimes, my father would get a call from the school because I had been reported missing. 

I was a problem child, as you could tell. 

It’s not that I hated school. 

It just wasn’t my favorite. 

And I wanted to hunt. 

So, anyway…from town to town, I would skip class, go to the library, and learn everything that I could learn about hunting if there was anything to learn. Sometimes, I would ask Dean questions. Sometimes he would answer, other times he told me to not worry about it and to mind my own business. It used to hurt whenever Dean would reject any of the questions that I would ask, but I know now that it was so he didn’t get in trouble with Dad. I remember giving him a hard time about it, about not answering me. Dean, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry for being a jerk. 

Then again, Dean, if you’re reading this, you shouldn’t be reading this and expect some glitter to appear in your body wash. 

No one knew about my secret research. No one knew the reason behind my skipping classes. I would constantly make up lies, most of them being about how much I hated moving around and just wanted to rebel against my father. Typical kid stuff. 

It wasn’t until August of 1991, when I was ten years old, that I was finally able to put that research to use.

(Y/N) stared down at the paper that rested on a notebook in his lap. His eyes were wide and filled with stress, fingers tangled in his short hair, his back slouched ever so slightly. Dean sat a couple of inches away from him near the end of the bed, his homework in his lap, while Sam leaned against the headboard, a book in his hands that he had gotten from the school library. Dean looked up from his work, noticing the look of despair on his brother’s face before he glanced down at his worksheet. Dean grimaced and let out a hiss. 

“Multiplying fractions?” He asked, a hint of sympathy in his tone. 

Without looking up, (Y/N) gave a short nod. Dean pressed his lips together in a thin line before he set his pencil down beside him. 

“Do you need help?” Dean offered. 

(Y/N) lifted his head and looked at his older brother, giving a small, soundless nod. Dean offered a smile as he moved closer to him so that they were sitting next to one another. Dean craned his neck to be able to look at the paper, tilting his head as he studied the equations. 

“Which one are you having problems with?” He asked. 

“All of them,” (Y/N) answered. 

Dean snorted. “Okay, so, it’s easy-” 

“Wow, Dean thinks math is easy?” Sam mumbled, a smirk playing on his lips. 

Dean lifted his head and glared at Sam. “Shut up, bitch,” 

Sam shot a bitch-face towards Dean. “You shut up, jerk,” he retorted. 

(Y/N) let out a frustrated grunt. “Will both of you assholes shut up!? I don’t understand this!” His voice was filled with annoyance and desperation. 

Dean and Sam shot their brother a look. Sam rolled his eyes as he returned to the book. Dean looked back down at the paper, mumbling an apology under his breath. He then began to help (Y/N) with his homework, walking him through all of the problems that he had. (Y/N) still felt as if Dean was speaking in a foreign language, but he could understand the homework a little easier. 

When the paper was halfway finished, the door to the motel room suddenly burst open, causing the three brothers to jump, their eyes wide as they turned and looked at the person who had just entered. John stormed into the room, slamming the door behind him. He stomped over to the couch that sat in front of the small television set and plopped down on it. He ran his hands down his face and let a small growl emit from his throat. 

Dean, Sam, and (Y/N) shared a glance, almost as if they were communicating telepathically. After a while, Dean and Sam both turned their attention toward their brother, their eyes locked on his. After looking back and forth between the two, (Y/N) let out a soundless sigh as he set his homework beside him. He moved off of the bed and padded across the aged carpet to the couch. Slowly, he walked around the sofa so that he could see his father. 

John looked tired. Dark circles were prominent underneath his eyes. One of his legs was propped up on the couch while the other lay bent in front of him. His elbow rested on the arm of the sofa, his cheek placed against his right hand as he stared at the television in front of him. Nothing played. When (Y/N) came into view, John glanced at him out of the corner of his eye for a brief moment. He said nothing. 

“Hey, Dad,” (Y/N) greeted. “Um…how were the, uh, interviews with the victims’ families?” 

John shook his head. “Not great, kid,” he grumbled. 

“No?” 

“No.” 

As (Y/N) stared at his father, he timidly moved over to the couch. John hesitantly moved his leg as (Y/N) sat down next to him. 

“Did you…learn anything?” 

“Why aren’t you boys in bed?” John grunted. 

“We’re finishing our homework.” 

“Then shouldn’t you be working on it?”

(Y/N)’s shoulders slouched. “I just…wanted to see how it went is all…” 

“You want to know how it went?” John’s voice got deeper. “You really want to know how it went? Fucking terrible. That’s how it went,” John straightened himself out on the couch before he stood up. He began to pace around the room, his tone of voice getting more and more irritable. “I thought I had a good fucking lead going. All of the victims went to the same fucking bookstore a couple of days before their deaths and got the same book. Seems like a fucking coincidence, right? Then I go to the goddamn bookstore to see what the book was and all it was was something called Aradia or some shit like that. Some type of foreign book bullshit, I don’t fucking know.” 

(Y/N) furrowed his brows as John continued to rant. He looked down and away from his father. He got lost, deep in thought, the words that John was speaking irrelevant to him now. Finally, he turned back to him, kneeling on the couch as he raised his brows. 

“Did you say Aradia?” He questioned in the middle of John’s rant. 

John stopped pacing around the room as he looked back at (Y/N). Dean and Sam’s attention immediately turned to him, their eyes wide. John’s jaw was clenched, the anger and irritation still emanating from him. “Yeah,” he replied deeply. 

“Aradia…” (Y/N) trailed before he shook his head. “That’s not a foreign book, Dad! That’s only the first half of the title. The full title is Aradia or the Gospel of the Witches. It was one of the most influential pieces of literature in the nineteenth century to witches! You’re dealing with a witch!” (Y/N)’s eyes widened as a smile appeared on his face. 

John’s expression went from furious to confusion. He narrowed his eyes. “How do you know about that book?” He questioned. 

“I read about it in a library a little bit ago.” (Y/N) answered quickly. 

John pressed his tongue into his cheek as he slowly nodded his head. He looked at Sam and Dean, who were still staring with wide eyes at their brother, and then back at (Y/N). He ran a hand down his face stressfully. 

“You boys finish your homework,” he mumbled as he walked towards the door. “I have to make a call.” 

Without allowing anyone to respond, John left the motel room, closing the door behind him a little gentler than when he entered. (Y/N)’s smile faded as he watched his father leave, his shoulders dropping. The three brothers sat in silence for a minute before they looked at one another. 

“Come on,” Dean said as he patted the spot on the bed next to him. “Let’s finish these math problems.” 

Even though Dad never told me, I knew I was right. I knew it was a witch that he had dealt with. We didn’t even get to go to school the next day. He had found and killed her before I was able to turn in that math homework. What a waste of time. 

I would like to think that Dad was proud of me in that situation, but he never said anything. He never brought it up again as far as I can remember. It was something that he had put in the past, along with all of the other hunts that we had been on. However, even if he wasn’t proud of me back then, I was proud of myself. Proud that I was able to help my Dad even if I wasn’t beside him when he took that bitch down. 

God, I hate witches. 

MAY 1993

I didn’t touch a gun until I was twelve years old. By that point, I had stopped begging Dad to teach me how to hunt, because it seemed that the only answer I was going to be getting was ‘No’. I figured that I would go to the next best person for the job. 

I had to ask Dean. 

Dean was very protective of Sammy and me when we were younger. He still is super protective of us, even in our ripe old ages. But because of how protective he could get, he was very hesitant about teaching me how to shoot a gun. However, with Dad talking about Dean going on hunts with him more and more by then, I knew that I would be left alone with Sammy. I used the excuse that I needed to learn how to shoot a gun eventually so that I could protect the two of us when we were by ourselves. I couldn’t be expected to be safe when the only two people who knew how to shoot were away. 

That reasoning caught Dean’s attention. 

After the fifth or sixth time asking him, Dean had finally agreed. A couple of days passed and, when Dad was a couple of towns away gathering information for a hunt, Dean and I skipped school. Shocking, right? I think Dean used the excuse that I hadn’t been feeling well and he had to take care of me. He even wrote out a fake doctor’s note and everything. Back then, you could get away with a handwritten note. I’m not too sure if you could now. 

Once Sammy had been dropped off at school that day, Dean and I walked to a creek a couple of miles away from the school. He had set up a couple of cans on a log, some recycled stuff that he had picked up along the way. He had brought one of Dad’s small handguns with him. When he gave it to me, it felt so surreal. So different. 

I never really understood what the big fuss was about, though. 

Shooting a gun was easy. 

“No, you can’t have your hand that low! You have it that low and the gun is going to come out of your hand when you shoot it,” Dean grumbled. 

Dean took (Y/N)’s hand in his and adjusted it so that it fits perfectly onto the grip of the handgun. He then took his other hand and placed it on top of the one that was already on the gun. (Y/N) furrowed his brows as he looked at the way his hands nestled against one another. 

“This doesn’t feel right.” He said. “Why can’t I just hold it with one hand like the cops do in the movies?” 

“Because you’re twelve, dummy. You’re not in your forties and have years of experience under your belt,” Dean rolled his eyes. “And that is exactly how you should hold it if you don’t want to get hit in the face with your weapon after you fire it.” 

(Y/N) listened intently to what his brother was saying, giving him a small nod before he straightened his back up. 

“Stop.” Dean held up a hand. 

(Y/N) shot Dean a confused look. “What?” 

“You’re standing wrong.” 

“I’m standing wrong…” 

“Yeah, here,” Dean walked over, pressing his hand against the top of (Y/N)’s back ever so slightly, leaning him forward. “If you have your back too straight, then you’re more likely to fall backward. You also,” Dean kicked (Y/N)’s feet apart. “Need to have your feet apart. Keeps you more ground.”

(Y/N) looked down at the ground for a moment, taking in the appearance and feel of his stance. The way his back leaned forward and the way his legs were spread. He nodded. 

“Okay, now I shoot?” 

“Is your safety off?” 

“Safety?” 

Dean sighed, moving back over to him. He took the gun from (Y/N)’s grasp and flashed the left side of the gun. “You see this little trigger?” When Dean received a nod from his brother, he continued. “If it’s facing side-to-side, that means the safety is on. That means the gun won’t fire. All you have to do is flick this little switch,” Dean turned the safety off. “Once it’s up and down, then that means it’s ready to fire.” He handed the gun back to (Y/N). “Now, get back into position.” 

(Y/N) glanced down at the safety mechanism on the gun for a moment before he nodded. He got back into the position that he was in, spreading his legs apart the same length Dean had and slouching his back forward ever so slightly. Once he received a nod of approval from Dean, (Y/N) lifted his arms, cocking his head to the side. He aimed at the can farthest to the left. He closed his left eye and placed his finger on the trigger. 

“Stop!” Dean said more abruptly. 

(Y/N) jumped and moved his finger off the trigger, standing up straighter to face Dean. “What!?” He asked exasperatedly. 

Dean shook his head. “You can’t have one eye closed.” 

“Why not? Snipers do it!” 

“Because snipers are far enough away from combat. They need to look through a scope to get a good shot. You, on the other hand, are feet away from whatever monster you’re dealing with. What happens when you’re facing more than one monster? You leave yourself open to being taken out on your left.” Dean’s tone was stern, yet calm. His arms were crossed over his chest. 

Slowly, (Y/N) nodded as he grasped an understanding of Dean’s thinking. “Both eyes open?” 

“Both eyes open.” Dean backed up a bit. “Back into position.” 

(Y/N) let out a shaky breath before resuming his position. Legs spread, back bent, arms up, head tilted, both eyes open. His goal was to hit the used can of peaches that sat on the outside of the log. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest from anxiousness and anticipation. He was surprised the gun wasn’t shaking in his grasp. 

His eyes were on the cartoon peaches that were etched onto the label of the can. More specifically, the pit that sat in the center of the peach. He wanted to hit the pit. He never moved his eyes from the pit as he took a deep breath, his shoulders rising. Finally, as he exhaled, his shoulders dropping, he pulled the trigger. 

The can flew into the air and seemed to dramatically and unceremoniously fall into the creek. A small splash echoed in (Y/N)’s ears, accompanied by the ringing of the gunshot. 

One thing that (Y/N) noted was that his hands ached, both from the vice grip he had on the gun and the recoil that he hadn’t expected. Sure, Dean had informed him about it before, but he wasn’t sure how it would feel. His hands would definitely bruise. 

(Y/N) lowered the gun, looking over at his brother to see that Dean wore a stunned expression on his face. Dean’s mouth hung open as his eyes were glued to the can that lay in the flowing water. (Y/N) watched in silence as Dean walked over to the can. He reached down and picked it up by the opening, wincing from the heat of the bullet hole before he swapped hands. He studied the can. It seemed like too much time had passed before he turned the can so (Y/N) could see. 

(Y/N) had gotten it on his first try. 

The bullet hole? 

Right in the pit. 

(Y/N) raised his brows, a mixture of pride and surprise coursing through him. A wide smile appeared on his face. Similarly, a smirk appeared on Dean’s lips. Dean chuckled before he tossed the can into the water. 

“Beginner’s luck,” he said, brushing his hands onto his jeans. “Let’s see if you can hit the other ones.” 

I shot through the rest of the cans, the same as I had done for that can of peaches. Not to toot my own horn, but I was a natural when it came to a pistol. I don’t mean to sound egotistic about this, but Dean can back up any statement that I’m making about this story. 

I could tell that Dean was proud of me that day. He never said he was, but the way he looked at me and the way he treated me afterward told me things that words couldn’t. It’s hard to describe, but it almost felt like he had gained some respect for me that day. It felt good. Even as I am writing about this story, I can’t keep the smile off my face. I always looked up at Dean, so it feels great to think that I had done something to bring a smile to his stupid face. 

My hands hurt like hell after it was all said and done. I had gotten a couple of bruises near the thumb on my right hand that I brushed off to my Dad as something that I had picked up when I got into a fight at school. Dean had backed me up when Dad got on my ass about it. Dad told me that I had to get along with the other kids so I didn’t give the wrong impression at the schools I went to. It wasn’t like they would remember me anyway. Of course, I didn’t tell him that. I knew when to bite my tongue. 

Dad never found out about the shooting practice. I get a feeling that he had a sneaking suspicion as soon as he took me to practice himself years later, but I never told him about it. I never told him that Dean had been the one to teach me how to stand correctly, or where to find the safety of a gun. I know that he knew it was Dean. A part of me wonders if Dean ever got in trouble for it, or if it was something that Dad even brought up. I would never ask Dean about it now, though. 

Some things are best to be left in the past.

 

NOVEMBER 1999

By the time I turned eighteen, I had already been on several hunts with Dad and Dean. The majority of the time, though, I would stay back and watch Sammy. Even though he was a teenager and had the capability of taking care of himself, Dad expressed that he was still a kid and needed to be looked after. A part of me thought it was bullshit at the time, but another part of me was glad that I was able to spend time with my younger brother. 

Now, I know the real reason behind my staying with Sammy was because some of the hunts that Dad and Dean went on were ‘rough’. A little ‘too hard’ for me. 

Dad didn’t want to lose the son that reminded him of his wife. 

At least, that was what Dean told me, and I believe him. 

It was a blessing and a curse, come to think of it. There were times that I stayed behind and Dad called me up, needing me to do some research for the case that they were working on. He had said it would be faster if someone was working on the research while he and Dean were out taking interviews. In the end, it was more efficient. I would gather the necessary information and hand it off to him and they would be back at the motel a lot quicker than if they had been the ones to look up the information. 

That was the system that we worked with for a while. After a couple of months, Dad informed me that he didn’t want me to do the research anymore. He wanted Sammy to be the one to do it. I remember him saying that Sammy needed to focus more on the hunting aspect of his life. That school was just a waste of time at that point. He was old enough to get into it. 

Sammy hated the idea when I told him. He loved school. He was always such a nerd. Still is. An even bigger nerd if you can believe it. I knew how much school meant to him, and I didn’t want him to be discouraged from doing his schoolwork. He shouldn’t have been forced to do anything that he didn’t want to. So, I decided that I was going to do the research and just tell Dad that he had been the one to do it. Sammy was thankful. 

That was until Dad called. 

Dad wasn't as stupid as I took him for most of the time. He knew that Sammy hadn’t done any of the research, that I was the one that did it all. By the time he and Dean got back, he gave Sammy a verbal lashing. I tried to defend him, but nothing worked. In the end, Sammy gave in. He would do the research for the next hunt. 

Like clockwork, when the next hunt rolled around, with Sammy and I staying back at the motel, Dad had called. He had given Sammy the information that he needed to research and we headed off to the local library. Once we got the necessary books, we took them back to the motel and he began to work. 

I could tell that it wasn’t going well.

Sam sat at the small table near the motel room door, two books placed in front of him. His back was slouched as he looked from one book to another, flipping through pages frantically. He had been going at it for several hours by then, evident by the bags that were present underneath his eyes and the redness around his pupils. (Y/N) sat on the couch, watching some old western show. Now and then he would look at his little brother. He could see how tired and stressed he was about the entire situation. (Y/N) had never seen Sam that stressed out before, even when he was studying for a test in one of his AP classes. 

Eventually, Sam pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes, lowering his head, as if accepting defeat. (Y/N) studied his movements, and, after he saw that he had not moved in a while, he decided the best thing to do was to help him out. He picked up the remote and turned off the television before tossing it aside. He stood from his spot on the couch and walked over to the table. He grabbed the spare chair, pulled it beside Sam, and sat down. 

“Having some trouble?” He questioned. 

Sam’s shoulders rose and fell as a sigh escaped his lips. He removed his hands from his face and placed them into his lengthy hair. His eyes were cast down towards the table. He stayed in the same position for some time before he looked up at (Y/N). 

“No,” he answered, pulling the books towards him. “I’m fine.” 

“You don’t look fine.” 

“I said ‘I’m fine’,” Sam repeated through gritted teeth. 

(Y/N) studied him with an expressionless face. Sam kept his eyes down, looking from one book to another. (Y/N) was able to see the stress that was emitted from his brother even better with how close he was sitting. He took one look at the books before he shook his head. 

“I’m sorry Dad’s making you do this.” 

“It’s fine.” 

“No, it’s not. You shouldn’t be doing this alone the first time…” he trailed. “But if Dad found out I helped you-” 

“You’d get in trouble, and so would I. Yeah, I know.” 

(Y/N) pursed his lips. “You know, it took me a little over a year to get comfortable with translating Latin. I sometimes screw up from time to time.” 

“Still?” 

“Yeah, still,” he chuckled. “That’s why I got something that helps me out now and again.” 

With that, (Y/N) stood from his spot on the chair and waltzed over to the bed in the far corner of the room. Beside the bed sat his black duffel bag. He picked it up and placed it on the bed. He began to rummage through it, sorting through clothes and weapons that rested at the bottom. Wedged into the corner of his bag sat a book. He picked it up and brought it over to the table. He took a seat next to Sam once more and placed the book in front of him. 

Sam furrowed his brows as he studied the cover. It was a Latin-English translation book. It looked rather similar to the one that he had picked up at the library. The only difference was the color of the cover was a little faded and, along the outside of the book, between all of the pages, were multi-colored Post-it notes. Each Post-it note had different letter combinations on it, as well as notes written on some of them. Sam opened the cover and he raised his brows when he saw that the first page was replaced by a notebook-sized piece of paper, taped to the front page. There were multiple words in English on the left side with their corresponding Latin translation on the right. 

“What’s this?” Sam asked. 

“It’s a translation book I picked up a couple of years back at a bookstore. I figured since there were going to be a lot of things that needed translating, then I was going to have to make it easier for myself to find the words. The only problem is that most of these translation books are so damn compressed that it’s hard to find certain words without getting blurry vision. So, I took the liberty to mark down all of the times when the letters change in the words. For example, when the words that start with ‘AB’ transfer to words that start with ‘AC’. It always made it easier to find. Plus, I made a page at the beginning about common words that I have found in my research so that it would be easier to translate them.” 

As (Y/N) explained, he gestured with his hand toward the book. Sam listened intently, taking in all of the information that he was given, nodding his head. Once (Y/N) was done talking, Sam looked down at the book and then back up at him. 

“You did all this?” 

“Yeah,” (Y/N) chuckled. “Crazy, right?” 

Sam snorted. “Yeah. Wish you put that much effort into your homework when you were still in school.” 

“Hey,” (Y/N) leaned back in his chair and lifted his hands in mock surrender. “School was fine and all, but this is something I enjoy, and I’m good at it. I’m good at hunting research and you’re good in school.” 

“And what’s Dean good at?” 

“Being a pain in the ass.” 

Sam smiled widely, his dimples more prominent than (Y/N) had seen in a while. After a beat or two of silence, the smile faded as he looked down.

“I wish Dad could see that I’m good at school.” 

The corner of (Y/N)’s mouth curved downward. It was his turn to look down at the table. He reached over and placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder comfortingly. “I know, kiddo,” he mumbled. “But Dean and I both see how much of a nerd you are. Don’t worry.” 

A smile returned to Sam’s face, but it wasn’t as happy as the last one. They sat in silence for a little bit before (Y/N) lowered his hand and Sam moved back to the books. 

“You got it from here?” (Y/N) questioned. 

“Yeah, I got it,” 

“Great,” (Y/N) said as he stood from his seat and patted Sam on the back. “Call me over if you need anything.” 

“Yeah, I’ll make sure to call you over when I get to the part about multiplying fractions.” 

(Y/N) glared at Sam and crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?” 

“No, no I’m not.” 

Sammy still teases me to this day about not knowing how to multiply fractions. Even though it was decades ago at this point, he still likes to tease me about it. Little shit. 

With my help, Sammy was able to get the translations done a lot faster than he expected. I remember seeing the relief on his face when he had finished. Poor kid was so exhausted. Dad was more than pleased when he called and asked about it. Dad never found out that I had helped him out a bit, and neither Sammy nor I were planning on telling him. I just wanted Sammy to have an easier time than I did when I was first learning about research, specifically translations. 

In the end, I would have to say that Sammy is better than me when it comes to research. He’s taken the reigns on many different hunts because of how proficient he is with technology. I’m good with old-fashioned ways of research, but Sammy’s the nerd when it comes to computers. 

Sammy has told me once or twice, though, that I was the one that helped him the most when it came to his knowledge of research. That, without my help, he wouldn’t have been as good at it as he is now. 

I call bullshit. Sammy has always been a smart kid. 

He could do anything he put his mind to. 

SEPTEMBER 2014

This is all I can write at the moment. Dean called me to the kitchen a couple of minutes ago saying that dinner was ready. I need to wrap this up before he or Sammy comes in here and sees what I’m doing. I know that I would get endlessly teased about keeping a ‘diary’. I need to make sure to hide this in a good enough place where neither of them will find it if they go snooping through my room. 

Sam, Dean, if you guys are reading this, I’ll get you back. 

But if you’re going to read it, I just want to let you know that I love you guys. 

Not that I’m into chick-flick moments or anything. 

I’m just glad that I have you guys as my brothers. No one could ask for a better family than you two. 

Okay, that was cheesy. I wish I wasn’t writing this in pen so I could erase it. 

Dammit. 

I’m not too sure how to end this, so I guess I’ll just write again sometime when I can. Perhaps I could do like Dad did in his journal and write about all of the new monsters we have discovered over the years. Or maybe write more memories down. This journal is going to be so cluttered that no one is going to want to read it. There’s no way I’m going to get famous from this. 

Dean just called me to the kitchen again. 

Until next time. 

Happy hunting. (That was stupid, think of something better).

WE LOVE YOU TOO - SAM + DEAN

[watchandread02]

Supernatural Rewatch Season 1 Episode 8: "Bugs"

Tbh this one actually kind of freaks me out. I mean I'm not really afraid of bugs, but the thought of that many crawling over me. Just no thanks.

Why did the writes think that it was okay to write two brothers as being percieved as a couple and then literally write Dean saying "Okay honey" and slap Sams ass. Like what was the thought process here. I mean they probably didn't think.

"Remind you of somebody? Dad?" "Dad never treated us like that." "Well, Dad never treated you like that. You were perfect. He was all over my case."

"You don't remember?" "Maybe he had to raise his voice, but sometimes you were out of line." "Right. Like when I said I'd rather play soccer than learn bowhunting."

And yet when you keep watching, you feel like their Dad didn't treat any of them good. Dean was just the perfect little soldier, that never stepped out of line and Sam was the rebel child, who got treated like that because he was stepping out of line.

Also Sam just wanting to do normal kids stuff, but not being allowed to 😢.

"This showers awesome."

Okay but how long has it probably been since he actually had a good shower and not just one in a crappy motel room.

"He's too disappointed in his freak son." "I hear ya." "You do?"

No but he genuinely looks so confused by this. Probably because he never believed that Sam was a freak. And I also love Jensens micro expressions in the background.

"Don't sweat it because in two years, something great is gonna happen." "What." "College." "You'll be able to get out of that house and away from your dad."

"What kind of advice is that? Kid should stick with his family."

Sams look at Dean after he says this. He's so pissed.

"You think I didn't respect dad. That's what this is about."

"I respected him. But no matter what I did, it was never good enough." "So what are you saying? That dad was disappointed in you?" "Was? Is. Always has been." "Why would you think that?"

"Because I wanted to go to school and live my life. Which, in our whacked-out family made me the freak."

"Most dads don't toss their kids out of the house [when they score a full ride]."

"You know, truth is, when we finally do find Dad... I don't know if he's even gonna wanna see me."

"Sam, Dad was never disappointed in you. Never. He was scared. He was afraid of what coul've happened to you if he wasn't around. But even when you two weren't talking... he used to swing by Stanford whenever he could. Keep an eye on you. Make sure you were safe."

Okay being scared still doesn't excuse you throwing out your child, leaving him with no support. Sam had no one to go to, if he would have ended up in a crisis. Well at least that's what he thought, since the Winchester men are incapable of talking to each other like adults. (The blame is definitely more on John though since he is the parent and should have made sure that Sam knew that he was just making sure he is safe.)

The fact the bugs are taking over that land and killing people because it's cursed.

This is actually pretty terrifying though. I would freak if this happened to me.

Homemade flamethrower for the win.

It's got a pretty anticlimactic ending though, I guess. The morning saves the day.

Also the fact they used live bees while filming, but they didn't show up on screen, so they had to edit them in, in the end anyway.

[shallowseeker]

Barriers to deserving happiness

Dean's survivors' guilt re: John's deal is getting to me today. I mean, it was SO powerful and so intrinsic to understanding early-seasons Dean. Like, it's THE thing that eats Dean and it's one of THE biggest things that feeds into his deal for Sam. I don't think it's not not discussed, but I'd love to see it discussed more.

Dean RE: the deal —

...

Bobby:  What is it with you Winchesters, huh? You, your dad, you’re both just itching to throw yourselves down the pit! Dean:  That’s my point. Dad brought me back Bobby. I’m not even supposed to be here. At least this way something good can come out of it. You know, like my life can mean something.

.... and....

Dean:  Which is why we gotta find this yellow eyed son of a bitch! That’s why I’m gonna kill him myself. I mean I got nothing to lose now, right? Bobby:  I could throttle you!

2x22

And there's Cas, trying desperately to figure out a broader meaning for why GOD* and later Jack brought him back, searching for a way to make it meaningful:

CASTIEL: And if Michael really is coming, maybe I was brought back to help prepare. DEAN: Prepare for what? CASTIEL: War.

13x14

Survivor’s guilt in the context of a soldier is a profound and deeply personal experience, often shaped by the unique bonds of camaraderie and shared risk in military service. F or soldiers, the guilt of surviving when comrades do not can be magnified by the intense loyalty and sense of responsibility they feel toward their unit. This guilt can create significant barriers to emotional recovery and accepting happiness, as it becomes intertwined with their identity and values.

I think... Survivor’s guilt can make Dean Winchester or Castiel feel unworthy of happiness, especially when their choices led to others dying. Loving each other might feel like a betrayal, as if finding solace together means ignoring the lives they couldn’t save—or the ones they took.

Purgatory is tempting because it respectively offers Dean and Castiel an escape from the burden of guilt. (And at first, Dean wants to get them out! A bit like how SPNWIN John wants to get Mary out of hunting but struggles to get himself out of it.)

Eternal war and constant punishment can feel like justice—a way to pay for what they've done. It’s a place where they can reject happiness, where the relentless struggle numbs the ache of loss and absolves them of the need to move forward. In purgatory, there’s no room for joy or love, only survival, and that feels easier than facing the guilt of living and the potential fear of finding solace in the other.

Overall, I think they're over-aware of each others' feelings of guilt too... and it magnifies their own respective guilt. They try to soothe the other's guilt because they want better for the other. BUT they also empathize with and shoulder each other's guilt, too. It’s a friggin mess. But survival wasn’t a simple choice they made; it was simply what happened. And embracing love doesn’t erase their losses—it honors them, proving those sacrifices weren’t meaningless. They both struggle to learn that happiness isn’t earned; it’s something they’re allowed, even with the weight they carry.

...

EDIT: Maybe Dean and Cas begin to realize their love isn’t just the quiet camaraderie or distant longing that can be kept contentedly at arm's length. It’s something deeper, more immediate, like learning to live together, sharing meals and quiet moments in a way they’ve never dared before. And so... They try to find a way to be close without fully giving in—coming up with a balance that lets them be near each other without facing the guilt of overindulgence. But it’s hard, because the love between them is powerful, the kind of love that feels almost selfish, like something they’ve never allowed themselves to need before. And maybe, the closer they get, the harder it becomes to deny the weight of it, and the fear creeps in—that to fully embrace it would be the most selfish thing either of them has ever done. ... Musings: For Dean, this love with Cas is complicated. It’s not a relationship where he can control the coming and going, or where he can hide behind the idea of being needed just enough to keep the distance he’s comfortable with. It’s a terrifying leap into something that doesn’t fit his usual rules, a vulnerability he’s never been willing to face before—a vulnerability marked by needing someone so badly. it's surrender, acceptance, and forgiveness. For Cas, it’s equally daunting, though in a different way. This love isn’t about duty or obligation—it’s about wanting, about being seen for who he truly is, flaws and all. It’s a surrender he’s never fully allowed, a willingness to be vulnerable in ways he doesn’t know if he can handle. The fear for him lies in the unknown—letting go of the armor he’s carried for so long and trusting that this love, however powerful, won’t break him.

[mediawhatwiveswatch]

The Wives Watch: Supernatural S2 E8-10

We're back and better than ever

S2E8 - Do Dogs Have Opposable Thumbs

Does God count in base 10? Do demons have 10 fingers? Today's topic is supernatural hand lore!

Cold Open: Looking like a racist werewolf. A disappointment to

werewolf fans. We expect better of them. RIP Robert

"John is probably hanging with Thatcher looking up at us"

Black dog? Hound of the Baskervilles? Sherlock crossover potential? (2/3 Superwholock coverage)

No its just demons

Its once again time to *lie*

Do most demons have red eyes? Is there like a ranking system according to eye colour? (We've seen black, yellow, and red - where's my hot pink eyed girliepop demon at)

Immortal snail question but you get chased by a dog (Shout out Gav from the Slo Mo Guys. Credit to the genius)

MySpace Reference! Dean continues to be a terminally offline king!

I think the dogs are messing with people for fun. They deserve it. Good puppy

"Ooohh what would you wish for with the demon dog? Oh wait you have to kill a black cat no thank you" (We were gunning for animation powerhouse and ultimate hacker before the animal cruelty)

Is kissing a part of demon contracts or are they just Like That

Mr Painter Man is tired of people convincing him to stay alive (mood)

"We're not demons" Dean said demonly

Dean wouldn't be like this if John learnt to communicate with his children. No matter what Dean does, we're blaming John. He's probably responsible

Big fan of the concept of a Weekly Winchester newsletter in Hell

Why are all these demons using 10 year increments? Is base 10 a god given measurement? Demons should be out here using Octal to be confusing

"You shoulda thought about your dad. Your loss" Is the loss in the room with us??

"Think about your dad" Ma'am John's last argument with his son was because Sam DIDN'T HEADSHOT HIM HE DOESN'T LIKE DEMONS

Dadchester in Big Hell confirmed. Good

He IS looking up at us :)

S2E9 - So Anyway Dean Started Blasting

An episode full of emotions and rage... which is also an emotion

Cold Open - Dean with a gun what he gonna do

New Ceiling Baby??

Wanna know what kinda beer Dean drinks. It's probably terrible

"I ventilated him" very polite way of describing that action Dean good job

"The boys are fighting" "When are they not"

What are US Marshalls? Where do they fall on the chain of command? Are they cops, military, or a secret third thing only patriots understand?

ROANOKE AIN'T LOST. THEY SAID WHERE THEY'RE GOING. THE TRIBE THEY WENT TO HAD WHITE PEOPLE HANGING OUT

Dean once again confirmed never to go to school

Dean for the rest of the episode:

Is this the first confirmed straight up human murder?

This is a fucked up coffee machine. Demon coffee. Looking like a Wallace and Gromit invention without the charm kinda coffee. What kinda evil coffee vending machine is this

"I dont swing that way" DEANS A LIAR. SCREAMS ERUPT FROM THE AUDIENCE

Someone is playing Plague Inc. badly. You gotta hide the obvious rage symptoms until you've conquered Greenland at a minimum

RIP Mr Rogers. Twas not a beautiful day in your neighbourhood

Dean is far too quick to start shooting strangers

Solider man is far too quick to trust strangers in the middle of zombies

These guys would die So Fast in a zombie apocalypse

Sam read Anarchist Cookbook confirmed

"Awkward" - from the man who just orphaned this boy

Dean really said "why get falsely accused of murder when you can get truely accused of murder"

SAM MY BABY HE GOT JUMPED AGAIN

Put them ceiling baby antibodies to work

Protective Dean has returned!

"We aren't Marshalls btw" BRUH LADY DIDNT EVEN REACT

Dean <3 My sweetheart <3 Give him a holiday <3

These boys will never get their emotional moment

Are they gonna finish the conversation about Dean wanting to kill himself??

IS DUANE MEG???

Let the boys vacay. Dean wants to sightsee

Confession time <3

E10 - The Ceiling Babies Are Back

How many collective psychic powers are there? They got double ups already?

Cold Open - RIP to electro. He killed cats and went to therapy at midnight

John really said "kill your brother" and thought there'd be no lasting emotional conflicts from that

Is Sam breaking and entering his own car? Is it technically his car or Deans car? Collective car. communism

Ooop sam dead immediately!

Ceiling Baby! A double up already!

Mama Ellen and Dr Badass are back! Jo's off living her best life but needs to call her mother more

Everyone's favourite yellow eye wall decor

Ava we will die for you. We love you <3

Some people just dont get ceiling parents. Good for them

"I just helped you steal some guys confidential psych documents! I'm awesome" DARLING SWEETHEART WE LOVE YOU

"Are ceiling babies like Pokemon? Are there like water type babies?"

VAMPIRE TORTURE GUY IS BACK. GREAT. WE HATE HIM

THIS MAN OUT HERE COMPARING SAM TO HITLER

"Your dad would've killed Sam" Favouritism says otherwise buddy

One day Sam will be taught how to fight

Camera work is so good atm! Big props

Only Dean can call our boy Sammy!!

Gordon out here duel wielding and still missing

Gordon gone jail RIP to him

Gordon is genuinely insane. No way anyone can think he's mildly in the right. Psycho man. Go to the therapist he needs non-murdered clients. Court mandated therapy please

The brothers being sweet once more

AVA?? IS MY GIRL OKAY?? IS SHE SECRET DEMON?? HAS SHE GOT GOT??

WAHOO! PRAYING FOR THE GIRLIES

{{10% through the series}}

[deancasbigbang]

Title: Don't Call Me Angel

Author: butterflyslinky

Artist: Diminuel

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, Brief Dean/Benny Lafitte, Mentioned Dean/Lisa Braeden, Past Castiel/Lily Sunder, Past Castiel/Crowley, Mentioned Castiel/Unnamed Others, Mentioned Dean/Ash, Mentioned Dean/Lee Webb

Length: 51170

Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence, Discussion of Murder and Suicide, Minor Character Death, Mentioned Dubious Consent

Tags: HunterCorp AU, Female!Castiel, Mark of Cain, Series Rewrite

Posting Date: October 2, 2023

Summary: On his first solo case for HunterCorps, Dean runs into a freelancer known as Cass Teyal. Dean quickly falls for her, and soon finds himself embroiled in two much bigger cases: preventing the Apocalypse, and figuring out exactly what Cass is hiding.

Excerpt: The cemetery was, as expected, dark, creepy, and full of dead stuff. Dean walked through it, looking at every grave for disturbances. So far, all of them seemed fairly normal, but Dean knew better than to think that meant anything. He headed for the crypt. If this was a ghoul, that would be a good place to look. The door was open when Dean reached it. He groaned and headed inside. “Cass?” “Wondered when you’d show.” She was standing toward the back, apparently looking around, though she didn’t have any sort of light. Dean shown his flashlight at the wall, searching for any irregularities. “You’re going to have to be faster if you want to compete.” “You’ve been drinking,” Dean protested weakly. “You shouldn’t be out here.” “I’m not even slightly intoxicated. I was just waiting for it to get dark.” She looked him up and down again. “See you stopped to change out of the pretty clothes.” “Hunting is messy.” “Hm.” She kept staring at him, her gaze piercing. “You know my name, pretty boy…what’s yours?” “Dean,” Dean said distractedly. “Got scratches here.” He shone his light on the spot. “Yes, I spotted them…nothing behind there. Dean who?” “Dean Winchester…where is it, then?” “Probably stalking out another victim in whatever skin it’s wearing. You’re John’s son.” “Yeah…you know him?” “He keeps trying to recruit me. But I work alone, and not for money. Come on.” Dean blinked, but followed Cass out of the crypt. She walked through the cemetery with a steady, long stride, not even looking back to make sure he was following. “Wait!” Dean jogged and caught up to her, his confusion evident. “You’re sure it’s not in there?” “Very. This is a shapeshifter, not a ghoul. Which means it probably set up somewhere more comfortable.” “How do you know?” “I looked at the victims. No bites, just slices. The cemetery’s just a dumping ground. Very considerate, actually.” “Considerate?!” “Well, it’s putting them where they’d end up eventually. It seems better than dumping them in alleys like most monsters.” “No, Cass, better would be not murdering people!” “Obviously. But if you must be killing people, the least you can do is make clean-up easier.” “Right.” Dean shook his head a bit. “So where are we going?” “Somewhere we can look at a map. I want to triangulate where the victims lived.” “Okay…we can go to my suite, it’s got a big table.” Cass looked amused. “Why, Mr. Winchester, are you inviting me up to your room?” “For the case. If you won’t back off, we’ll have to work together, and I’m going to wring as many billable hours out of it as I can.” “You do that, pretty boy…lead the way.”

DCBB 2023 Posting Schedule

[adidegmez]

spn s8 spoilers

s8 ep1(we need to talk about kevin)

another year has passed. cas really left dean alone, huh? sam why didnt you look for dean? dean knows how to hide pain. like, he was in hell for 40 years they mentioned it 2 or 3 times and we didnt talk about it. he was in purgatory. I am waiting with curiosity and fear to see what else will happen to him. i love kevin. I'm eager to learn more about Benny.

s8 ep2(what's up, tiger mommy?)

i loved kevin's mom. i need cas to come back and team free will to be together.

s8 ep3(heartache)

i really want winchesters to be happy but i dont think they can be fully happy. they have their little happiness. there will always be something missing.

s8 ep4(bitten)

wow. i liked kate's speech at the end. Dean doesn't contradict himself. When Dean killed Amy, my thoughts about him started to collapse. Then I thought about it and I think I understand Dean's perspective on monsters well now. And Dean still hasn't contradicted this point of view. Dean's point of view: If the monster has killed people, there is no return, but if it hasn't killed anyone yet, then there is a possibility of return. and I understand and love that perspective.

s8 ep5(blood brother)

dean's flasback scenes reminds me of arrow oliver queen's flashback scenes. vampirates, i love how dean's face and how much he's proud of that name when he suggests new species a name. i love benny. well, Benny seems to be the exception to Dean's rule, but again benny is not the same as Amy. Amy would kill again for her son, but Benny hasn't killed for a while and I don't think he will. Dean believes in Benny and I believe in Dean. so i hope benny wont fail us.

s8 ep6(southern comfort)

but really sam turned his phone for a year. no one can be bobby! dean trusted sam and cas, and they both failed dean. benny didnt betray dean, yet. there is not so many people dean can trust. well Dean has no one he can trust(not anymore).

s8 ep7(a little slice of kevin)

cas! of course dean feel guilty.

s8 ep8(hunteri heroici)

hunter cas, awesome. team free will they are all funny. seeing them smile is amazing. things are easy when they have an angel on the team.

s8 ep9(citizen fang)

i love benny. call dean, benny. sam if you try to do something to benny… benny is a good guy. they shouldnt push his limits. i hope benny will be okay. i dont know why but i couldnt like sam's flashback scenes. sam just gave up on dean and chose amelia. dean has every right to defend benny and be mad at sam.

s8 ep10(torn and frayed)

I wish Jess could come again. sam and jess were perfect together. i dont like him with amelia. she is married. i love kevin. cas why did you just do that?! why didnt you go to benny dean?

s8 ep11(LARP and the real girl)

hi Charlie! dean is a fanboy i really love him. armor suits dean(as always).

s8 ep12(as time goes by)

men of letters i was curious about them. i loved henry. and i still love john.

s8 ep13(everybody hates hitler)

i love mystery. i love when they say supernatural on the Show.

s8 ep14(trial and error)

they have a home. dean has a room. and i liked clark kent dean. dean has no hope for his future. this breaks my heart. i need dean to be happy. and sam, and cas.

s8 ep15(man's best friend with benefits)

so what happened to anti-christ and adam? they'll return, right? sam is not good. but its nice to see dean trusting sam again.

s8 ep16(remember the titans)

i hate Zeus(i knew him from pjo) so i like prometheus. i hate Zeus in every universe. really, where is cas? i miss him. i love big brother dean. he really loves sam. he may love him more than anything in the world. dean dean dean… i love him.

s8 ep17(goodbye, stranger)

dean is cas' weak spot. i hope he can turn cas back to normal. i'm glad i now can understand star wars references. i think, i like meg. meg loves cas. where is cas going? its funny to see him on the bus.

s8 ep18(freaks and geeks)

i like victor's vision. i love the gang. and of course, dean showed them the way. and they actually listened. i have hope.

s8 ep19(taxi driver)

i never thought we would see bobby again. hi bobby. i missed bobby. i love benny. i saw a spoiler before watching this ep it said that dean killed benny to save sam and i assumed benny would kill people and tries to kill sam but no. he saved bobby he saved sam. and sacrificed himself and thanks to him winchesters will save the world. rip benny. i love benny. he is my favorite vampire.(i dont know much vampire but still no one can surpass him). i shouldn't like crowley BUT he was played by David tennant in good omens and he was a good guy there and he is played by mark sheppard. and he sometimes does good things. idk.

s8 ep20(pac-man fever)

wow. sam is not good. hi Charlie. i love Charlie and dean's relationship. winchesters kinda have a sister now. and i love her.

s8 ep21(the great escapist)

i knew something was wrong. i hope they can save kevin. hi cas:) . i love kevin.

s8 ep22(clip show)

i like metatron. Why did they choose the hardest person to cure? i liked sarah. crowley is right. the people they save keep them going.

s8 ep23(sacrifice)

i love supernatural so much. 7 seasons left. i love dean i love sam i love cas i just love them so much. i am glad we get to spend so much time with them.

is meatron bad. i have a bad feeling about what he's doing with cas. i never thought they would cure Crowley. when will god come? i want to cry. everything goes wrong in the last minute, always. angel are falling… i saw that scene in an edit with skyfall and it was beautiful and tragic. is crowley fully cured? i don't think so but he changed a little bit.

[luna-nigthshade-wood]

What they don´t know, will hurt them

Summary: Dean Winchesters attempts suicide on a dirty motel bathtub, ending brain dead on a hospital. A trickster promises John and Sam that he will save him for “free”, as long as they both get through watching a series of Dean´s memories, good and bad. The twist is that they will feel everything Dean did at the time and they can stop it at any time, but then Dean will die. They both accept thinking it cant be that bad. Spoiler: it is worse.  

Chapter 41

Before all of this, Sam had never considered himself a selfish person and yet, as the evidence unfolds right before his eyes, he cant think of a word that would describe his actions better. He wants to justify his actions, he wants to claim that he didn’t know any better, but he cannot do that, when doing it would just hurt Dean more, and he has hurt his brother enough.

John doesn’t know how to feel or how to react adequately anymore, not when he knows this mess is his fault. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that every disgrace Dean has lived so far can be linked back to his own shitty parenting skills, now more than ever he wants to beg for his son´s forgiveness to seek an absolution that he knows will never come.

The screen starts up once more, doing the same old dance the Winchesters already know, so they brace themselves for what it is to come. The scene shows the brothers in front of a gas station, trying to find the best route to continue their journey after a seatback, Dean´s phone rings and he almost go pale, watching the name that lights the screen, answering it in a heartbeat.

-Hello. This is Dean- he answers, stepping a little on the side for a little privacy from his brother, he waits a few seconds in silence before saying- Alright, I guess I will just hang…

-Don’t hang up, please- a girl voice says on the phone, and suddenly Sam remembers with full clarity what the next case is and pales a little as well- I need help, something happen that I think is something up your valley.

-Which is?- Dean asks with a way too even tone

-You know what I am talking about, Dean- she answers

-No I don’t, because last time I saw you, you told me I was delusional psychopath, so I don’t know why you would think that I can help you, Cassie- Dean responds, and his family is surprised to feel some anger radiating out of him

-My father was killed- Cassie responds with a shaken voice

-I will be there as fast as I can- Dean replies before hanging up, making John, amazed once more about the quick switch in reactions his son has.

On the scene, Dean relates the information to “Sam”, as they travel “Sam” starts teasing his brother about what Cassie was to him, but Dean shuts out his brother´s questions quickly enough, annoyance and frustration clear in his emotions, and just when it appears the younger of the two is going to finally shut up, a question breaks through the silence

-How does she know what we do?- “Sam” asks annoyed, when he doesn’t get more than a glare from Dean, he rebuts- You told her? You told her the secret. For a year I have to lie to Jessica, and you go out with this chick for a couple of time and you told her everything?- he chides and Sam, once more, wants to punch his younger self for his entitlement- Dean!

-Yeah, looks like it- Dean answers shutting down the discussion, ending the scene on an awkward silence.

Knowing what he knows now, Sam wants to scream at his younger self once more, he also notices something he had ignored in the past, and that was the way Dean´s knuckles keep getting whiter and whiter from the force he was using to contain himself from snapping. It is wrong, Sam realizes, that he requires context to be empathetic towards his brother, when he should have supported him first and always, but if this experience had thought him anything is that Dean had never been his priority

John feels guilty again, or to be more precise he feels his guilt spike again, he hasn’t stop feeling guilty in a while now. He feels guilty at knowing that once more, the hurt his son is feeling was a consequence of his way of dealing with stuff. He remembers the excitement on Dean´s voice when he had told him about Cassie and he remembers the sorrow in which he had related the break up. Flashes of his son´s mangled body at the bottom of the abandoned church appear in his brain, and he has to squeeze his arms to prevent himself from losing it.

The scene starts once more, with the brothers entering the sheriff´s office and there is no denying the way that Dean´s eyes light up a little when he sees Cassie, even if the hurt and sadness are mixed there as well. Cassie turns towards them and her face mirrors Dean´s emotions as well, and the Winchesters felt their hearts break a little with this view. Dean and Cassie make some small talk, before Cassie invites the brothers back to her place. The girl states that her father had been scared for days before the accident, claiming a big black truck was following him, even though he had never seen the driver. She conveys to them that her father´s trunk was dented as well, with the police only finding one set of tracks in the muddy road, same thing that had happened with the first victim, who had been a friend of her father. Dean remains quiet, his emotions numb, leaving “Sam” to keep conducting the interview, the younger asks a question that gets Cassie saying

-When you say it aloud like that…- she exclaims- Listen, I am a little skeptical about this ghost stuff or whatever it is that you do.

-If I remember correctly, you said I was nuts- Dean rebukes with a biting tone, surprising his family with his anger at the situation, even if the sorrow is ever so present as well

-That was then- Cassie responds, only getting a cynical nod out of Dean, before she adds- Look, all I know is that something happened that I cant explain, so I called you.

Whatever that was going to be said next is interrupted as Cassie´s mom enters the house, looking frazzled. The boys try to talk to her, but the woman doesn’t let them say more than a few words, before getting inside of the house.

The memory changes to the next day that shows Cassie fighting with the major, who refuses to do anything, even though another body was discovered, claiming allegations of racism, that the major refutes, leaving them with a cryptid question about Cassie´s mother.

The scene changes once more, showing the brothers going to interview a couple of friends of the victim, “Sam” tries to tease his brother once more, getting the same response as before from Dean, and for such a “smart” person, Sam thinks, he sure as hell is an asshole. The hunters arrived with the victim´s friends, and start asking questions. At first it all seems to be another dead end, until one man tells them that there was a story dating years back about a big dark truck, whose owner was suspected to have killed a lot of black men and who was never arrested. The brothers thank the man and they theorize that it could be something akin of the legend of the Flying Dutchman, with the ghost of the killer infusing the truck and trying to reenact his crimes

-Well, all I know- Dean says- is that it seems to be related to Cassie´s family

-Alright, I will work on that angle, while you go talk to Cassie- “Sam” says- Oh and maybe you might want to mention the other thing? About your unfinished business with her? I mean, what is going on between you two, Dean?- “Sam” asks, and the Sam watching is almost thankful his brother hadn’t decked him right there.

-Yeah, well, maybe we were both more involved that what I had told you, and it was stupid to get that close. Look how it ended- Dean says with an even tone, that cant fool the ones that feel the hurt behind his words

-You loved her- “Sam” says with sardonic smirk on his face, that John wants to erase of his son´s face- and you dumped her?- he asks, but something in Dean´s face stops “Sam” in his tracks- Wait, she dumped you?

-Just get in the car- Dean exclaims frustrated, and for once “Sam” is too stunned to argue

Of all the stupid things to tease his brother, it just have to be that one, haven’t it?, Sam despairs, he just couldn’t help himself in what he perceived as light teasing, never noticing nor caring that Dean wasn’t responding to it. Now, after having watched Dean´s memories of his relationship, he can recognize just how hurt Dean was with the whole situation, not that he should have needed it to realize he was hurting his brother, Dean´s expressions should have been more than enough.

The next scene starts with Dean arriving at Cassie´s place, they start to discuss about the possible connection between the victims, but the ambient is tense, it is only when Cassie asks about “Sam” that the tension finally breaks

-Why did you ask where my brother was?- Dean asks after a couple of minutes of tense silence, but he doesn’t let Cassie get a word in before continuing- Could it be because, without him here it's just you and me? Not you, me and Sam which would be easier?

-It's not easier... Look, I...- Cassie tries to explain, before being cut out again by a frustrated Dean

-No. Forget it. It's fine. We'll keep it strictly business- Dean says annoyed

-I forgot you do that- she claims with a sardonic smile- Whenever we get, what's the word... close?- she continues angrily- Anywhere in the neighborhood of emotional vulnerability, you back off. Or make some joke. Or find any way to shut the door on me.

-Oh that's hilarious- Dean fires back- If I remember correctly, I wasn’t the one that shut the door and slammed it behind me. I wasn’t the one that refused to listen- he spits angrily

-The guy I'm with, the guy I'm hoping might be in my future, tells me he professionally pops ghosts- Cassie exclaims- All I could think was, 'If you want out - fine. But don't tell me this insane story.'

-It was the truth Cassie, and I notice it didn't sound so insane the minute you thought I could help you!- Dean retorts

-Back then I thought you just wanted to dump me.

-Whoa! Now let's not forget who dumped who, okay?

-I thought it was what you wanted!

-Well it wasn't!

-I didn't mean to hurt you!

-Well you did.

-I'm sorry!- Cassie finally yells

-Yeah me too- Dean responds

They stare at each other for what seems like hours, before they both meet halfway in a passionate kiss, with Cassie undressing Dean from the waist up as they both enter her bedroom. John and “Sam” thinks this is where the scene will end, but it continues in the woman´s bedroom, and they can help but wonder the reason as to why they need to invade Dean´s privacy even more by watching this clearly private moment. The answer comes quickly, when both of them still have dressed fall into bed

-Wait, Cassie- Dean interrupts- Cassie, stop- he says grabbing the girl´s hands gently from where they were trying to relieve him of his pants- This is not… I don’t want this and neither do you

-Who says I don’t?- Cassie asks defiantly, though her voice breaks slightly

-Cassie, this, all this- Dean says- This is not us

-Maybe post fight sex could have fixed most of our troubles- Cassie replies, sitting beside Dean in the edge of the bed

-It would be a great disservice to our past relationship to claim that- Dean responds

-So that´s it? You hurt me and I hurt you, so there is not making up afterwards?- Cassie asks, though she perhaps knows the answer

-Cassie, I love you, and I think that I would always be a little bit in love of you. You help me overcome one of my darkest moments- Dean confesses with a soft tone, love and sadness filling him- But- he adds with a wounded tone- you couldn’t accept me for who I was, and that hurt me the most

-You got to understand Dean- Cassie tries to justify- You told me that story and it scared the hell outta me. For all that I knew, you were having some kind of psychotic break.

-And you still let me walk away- Dean states with a sad smile

-Maybe I was looking for a reason to walk away- she admits with a sorrowful tone- I think that when we started our relationship, both of us wanted to make it work so badly that we try to fit in with the other, sacrificing pieces of ourselves. For what is worth, I am really sorry of how it all ended- Cassie apologize, this time with a more honest and raw tone

-I am sorry too- Dean whispers as he leans both of them in the bed, exhausted- I think, we both rush into the relationship, but I wouldn’t change a thing

-Not even the ending?- Cassie asks, as she cuddles with him, equally exhausted of the emotional talk

-As a wise person one told me, it is our experiences that shape us into what we are- Dean proclaims, ending the scene

John half-wishes that the scene would have ended up being sex, it would have been less private that what they just witness. He knows it is important for them to understand Dean, but moments like this he feels like he is violating his son´s privacy. That being said, the reason for this thought is not a selfless one, he wishes he could ignore the rawness in his son´s tone as he exposes his heart out to his ex. Not because he thinks of it as a weakness, but because this is a glaring reminding of all the emotional damage he caused his son and isn’t it funny how his actions seemed to be the cause of all of Dean´s problems?

Sam almost want to laugh, even if there is nothing funny in the situation. Or perhaps it is funny how wrong he was about his brother. Because the Dean on Sam´s mind was a womanizer that wouldn’t have missed the chance to sleep with Cassie, hell, until a couple of minutes ago he was sure they had slept together, but it is clear he was mistaken, just like he has been mistaken in so many things about his brother before. He let his own prejudices cloud his judgment, and Dean was the one that paid the price.

A phone rings into the scene, waking Dean and Cassie up. Dean answers the phone, only to hear Sam claiming there is another victim. Arriving at the scene, the victim turns out to be the major, which changes things as the others victims have been black men killed on the main road, while the major was a white man who was in private property. The boys meet up with Cassie and they start to investigate the records of the murders of years before. They find that the property where the major was killed used to belong to the Dorian´s family, who basically own the town back then, they find as well that the mayor demolished their house a day before the murders started, being that their biggest lead.

The brothers go back to their motel room trying to dig some more, and it is then that Dean receives a panicked call from Cassie, claiming she had seen the truck. Dean drives quickly towards her house, hugging her as soon as she opens the door. The three of them (Cassie, Dean and Sam), plus Cassie´s mom sit in the living room, trying to piece the puzzle together. Cassie states that the truck appeared to not have a driver, with her mother finally admitting to the truth after Dean questions her. She tells them that her husband saw the truck before his passing and that he was sure the truck belonged to a man named Cyrus Dorian, who died almost 40 years back. Dean pulls out an article which states the man as missing and asks the woman for an explanation. The woman states she was seeing Cyrus, before breaking up with him to pursue a relationship with his husband, she said that afterwards the man´s anger grew and that is when the disappearances started, she claims that the day her husband and her had said they were going to get married someone burn down the church where they were supposed to hold the ceremony, ending the lives of a choir that was practicing there. She explains that afterwards there was another attack, with Cyrus beating his husband up badly, however the man turns the table on his would-be-murderer and got the upper hand, killing him instead. The man called up his friends, the other victims, to hide the evidence, rolling the truck with his body inside the lake.

Cassie asks for a moment alone with her mother, and the brothers obliged, going outside to determine what their next moves are, concluding on that they have to drag the truck out of the lake and burn it. Cassie exit the house to wish them good luck, and Dean instructs her not to leave the house for her safety, finishing up with a chaste kiss on her forehead, before the hunters head to the lake. The brothers dragged the decease´s truck out of the water and burn the body of Cyrus down, however the moment they do, the ghostly truck appears, with Dean instructing “Sam” to burn the truck down, while he distracts the spirit. John´s heart rate spikes seeing the way his oldest recklessly drive trying to put distance between the truck and the Impala. “Sam” calls Dean and tells him he found something but that he need his exact location, Dean tells him, but the distraction is enough for the truck to almost kick him out of the road, adrenaline feels the room, as Dean meticulously follows “Sam”´s instructions, until he tells him to stop. John wants to rage at his youngest son how dare him tell Dean to stop, with his heart almost stopping as he sees the truck directing itself right at the Impala, before disappearing mere inches before collision

-Dean? You still there?- “Sam” asks on the phone

-Yeah- Dean answers after a few seconds, heart rate going faster than ever- Where did the truck go?

-Dean, you are at the church- the younger explains- The place where Cyrus murdered those kids

-There is not a lot left- Dean says

-Church ground is hallowed ground, whether the church is there or not. Evil spirts cross over hallowed ground, sometimes they are destroyed- he explains- So, I figured maybe we could get rid of him

-Maybe?- Dean asks shocked- What if you were wrong?

-Hmm- “Sam” answers- That thought never occurred to me- he says before hanging up

-Oh that thought never occurred to me? I am going to kill him- Dean states inside the empty car, and the Sam watching doesn’t even protest when his father glares at him from his seat, he deserved that.

The scene starts once more the next day, with Dean and Cassie saying their goodbyes

-Well, this is nicer than last time- Cassie states

-Yeah, well, maybe this time it will be a little less permanent- Dean declares with a small smile

-You think so?- Cassie asks

-Well, I have seen stranger things happen- Dean says- Goodbye, Cassie- he says as they both share a chaste kiss, before Dean climbs inside the car driving away as the scene finishes, leaving only regrets on the Winchesters´ watching.

AO3

Masterlist

[my-supernatural-rewatch]

Episode 10: Asylum

Dean Winchester in the Supernatural episode Asylum

Another episode where I kind of forgot that I had seen it until I got a good 15 minutes into it.

Dean and Sam investigate an abandoned insane asylum that might be causing people to go insane when a police officer who went inside kills his wife and then himself.

Two cops go into an abandoned insane asylum looking for whoever broke in and one of them says "Let's split up." Nothing good ever happens after someone says "Let's split up." (this will also come back to us later in the episode.) Ironically, the dude who says "Let's split up" isn't the dude who ends up dead.

So off-screen, some time between this and the last episode, Dean told Sam that he called John and that John never responded. So now Sam is worried that John could be dead (because that's what a normal person would think if their own fucking father didn't respond to a teary phone call from their brother) and Dean snaps, insisting he isn't dead. Which is when Sam drops a truth bomb on Dean, "What? He's hiding? He's busy?"

No shit, Sam...he's an asshole.

So John texts Dean coordinates...no hi. No how's Sam doing? Not a fucking thing but coordinates. And Deans' thrilled and Sam's annoyed.

It is not often I side with Sam but in this episode there is a big part of me siding with him about John.

Our currently ever optimistic Dean (when it comes to John, anyway) is hopeful that if they go to Rockford, Illinois (where the coordinates are) - John will be there. Sam knows this is most likely bullshit and really doesn't want to drag his ass to Illinois.

"If he wants us there, it's good enough for me!" I don't have to tell you who said that, right? Then when Sam pushes back, Dean comes up with:

"Dad's telling us to go somewhere; we're going!"

Sam is not happy but, you know, Dean has the car keys so what choice does he have?

And here we have another episode where Dean spends a bit of time making fun of Sam's newfound psychic abilities. This will never, ever make sense to me. They hunt the fucking supernatural. Dean should be excited about this new aspect of this brother's personality and be trying to use it to, you know, do their fucking job.

When they've been in Illinois long enough to realize that John isn't going to be there, Sam wants to discuss it. Predictably, Dean doesn't.

Dean's response to Sam's attitude about John made me laugh, even if I don't think it's true:

"That's why I always got the extra cookie."

For fuck's sake, Dean, we come to find out there wasn't even any extra cereal, let alone cookies. Get this man a psychologist please.

More sibling squabbling leading to Sam asking the question on all of our minds:

"So, what? We gotta always follow Dad's orders?"

Guess what Dean says? GUESS????

"Of course we do."

Oh Dean. OH Dean. You break my little heart.

Sam talks to a psychiatrist as a patient because he's the son of the psychiatrist who worked at the abandoned insane asylum and he's trying to get info out of him. He gives him pieces of the truth: his real name and the fact that he's on a 'road trip' with his brother. Leading the doctor to ask the question we'd all like to hear the answer to:

"This brother you're road tripping with. How do you feel about him?"

But guess what? They cut away from Sam's serious look just before he responds so we don't know what he said. But we do know he spent a LOT of time in the doctor's office because when he finally comes out the first thing Dean says is:

"Dude, you were in there forever. What the hell were you talking about?"

Yeah, Sam. What?

One note about earlier in the episode. Sam and Dean got to a bar to talk to the cop who uttered the "Let's split up" line before his partner went nuts. Dean pretends to be a reporter and Sam comes in and pushes him around for bothering the cop so Sam can gain the cop's trust and get info from him.

When it's all said and done, we get this interaction with the brothers:

Dean: Shoved me kinda hard in there, buddy boy. Sam: I had to sell it, didn't I? It's method acting. Dean: Huh? Sam: Never mind.

Now first off, no way does Dean NOT know what method acting is. He's too much of a pop culture fiend to not know. But let's forget them making Dean dumb AGAIN for a moment. Sam shoved Dean hard on purpose. Sam has a hate boner for Dean in this episode that I guess is due to Dean's loyalty to John...I don't know, this is Supernatural, nothing is ever that obvious...but the shove, and then him talking to the psychiatrist about Dean...and then what comes up very soon at the asylum...for the one that got away from the family and the abusive father, Sam has a complex about Dean as if Dean was the one who had it better and that annoys the shit out of me.

Back on track:

This is another episode that was shot very dark for a lot of scenes. Note to cinematographer's: I don't need to SEE the darkness to know the episode is dark.

Also, quite random, one of the two people in the asylum when Dean and Sam get there is named Gavin. I get that there are over 300 episodes of this show but there are so many more names to use - why does this show repurpose names so often? (The woman's name is Kat...which I can't remember off the top of my head, but I'm sure we got another Kat at some point too.)

When they figure out who the spirit is, Dean opens up with a little honesty:

"The only thing that makes me more nervous than a pissed off spirit, is the pissed off spirit of a psycho killer."

Word, Dean.

When it comes time to search the asylum, Dean says the dreaded words: "I guess we're gonna split up then." And, just like at the beginning of the episode, the one who decides to split up isn't the one the spirit goes after.

Dean takes Kat with him while Sam goes it alone. Unlike most of the previous eps where Dean figures out the big THING, Sam is the one who figures out that the ghosts that keep going after them aren't the violent spirit but are trying to tell them something. When Dean loses Kat to the ghost, Sam is the one to convince her to listen to the ghost. She does...and they figure out where they have to go.

More angry Sam: He tells Kat and Gavin that hunting ghosts is basically their job and when Kat asks if Dean is his boss he responds with an angry and curt, NO. No "We're brothers." Just NO. Sam is pissy today.

So they discover that basically the spirit of the psychiatrist was trying to work on aggressive behaviors and instead of helping the patients he made it much worse...and in death he was doing it to people like the cop at the beginning of the episode and now...Sam.

So Sam was angry all episode just so this could happen. Okay.

Without hesitation, when Dean figures out Sam isn't right, Sam shoots Dean right in the chest with the shotgun full of rock salt. Doesn't fucking hesitate.

Before he does, though, and before Dean figures out something isn't right, Dean tells him to put the shotgun down and when Sam asks if that's an order and Dean tells him it's a 'friendly request' Sam responds:

"’Cause I'm getting pretty tired of taking your orders."

And then after he shoots Dean, we get this scene:

Dean: We gotta burn Ellicott's bones and all this will be over, and you'll be back to normal.

Sam: I am normal. I'm just telling the truth for the first time. I mean, why are we even here? ’Cause you're following Dad's orders like a good little solider? Because you always do what he says without question? Are you that desperate for his approval?

Dean: This isn't you talking, Sam.

Sam: That's the difference between you and me. I have a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic, like you.

Dean: So what are you gonna do, huh? Are you gonna kill me?

Sam: You know what, I am sick of doing what you tell me to do. We're no closer to finding Dad today than we were six months ago.

Dean: Well, then here. Let me make it easier for you. (He holds a pistol out to Sam.) Come on. Take it. Real bullets are gonna work a hell of a lot better than rock salt. Take it!! (Sam takes it and points it at Dean) You hate me that much? You think you could kill your own brother? Then go ahead. Pull the trigger. Do it!

Sam pulls the freaking trigger but nothing happens. There are no bullets. He pulls the trigger two more time and Dean is finally done. He punches Sam dead in the face.

Dean: Man, I'm not going to give you a loaded pistol.

Now, point to Dean for knowing Sam isn't really Sam here and not just killing his ass. But don't tell me there isn't a lot of truth to what Sam said under this influence. I don't think he wanted to KILL Dean, that was definitely the psychiatrist/spirit but he was already exhibiting all that anger toward Dean before the spirit got to him and this was his opportunity to dump it all back on Dean.

So Dean finds the bones of the doctor because of course he does...and after the doctor's spirit makes it difficult, he still finds his Zippo and burns the bones...yay Dean!

When the bones are burned and Sam is back to being Sam, he apologizes to Dean for the things he said. Dean seems a little surprised that Sam remembers what he said (another clue to me that Dean thinks like I do and that Sam really meant what he said).

Sam tells him he didn't mean any of it...and Dean is obviously not buying it - but he doesn't want to talk about it:

"I'm not really in the sharing and caring kind of mood."

Now in a perfect world, that's how the episode ends. Dean pissed and Sam worried about how much he pissed Dean off. But no...we can't have nice things. Instead we get Sam and Dean sleeping in a motel room and Dean's phone ringing. For whatever reason, Dean sleeps through it and Sam answers it.

Guess who finally remembered he had sons?

Some notes for posterity:

Only one song in this ep. Is that right? Okay. Bachman Turner Overdrive's Hey You.

Dean tells the dead cop's partner that he's Nigel Tufnel from the Chicago Tribune. Sam tells the psychiatrist his real, full name.

Movie References: Dean brings up The Shining again and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest while doing a pretty decent Jack Nicholson impression. He mentions Yoda, Haley Joel Osment, Patricia Arquette and Jennifer Love Hewitt (the latter two both played psychics on television shows) and the Nigel Tufnel reference comes from This is Spinal Tap.

This hunt takes place in Rockford, Illinois.

Dean uses a lighter to burn the bones of the psychiatrist.