#why do you think john 'i want to kill my son sam' winchester

[drum-bot-brian]

i hate it when people make it seem like sam had a good childhood bc dean kinda parented him! like obvy dean did but in the show hes clearly shown to be just a normal teenager who went on a bunch of dates too? he left sam im pluckys for like hours and sam was pretty severely neglected bc dean started hunting with john and leaving sam alone? like this isnt anti dean bc he was just doing teenager things and trying to spend time with his dad but we need to consider the fact that sam had a imaginary friend at like 12 bc he was so lonely and ran away when he was a kid bc he hated hunting (read john) so much! like sam would have known how hard it was to be a kid and he valued his studies a lot so it must have been bad for him to have run away. all those people he thought he was not taught how to hunt need to remember the fact that sam was given a gun when he was still scared of the dark. and even if he wasnt hunting do you thing john winchesters kid wouldnt know how to defend himself? also consider his heavens being when he got away from his home? his random thanksgiving when he was like 13 was better than any times he spent with his family basically

[marvelfanfn2187a113]

Safe Distance

John Winchester & daughter!reader, Sam and Dean Winchester & little sister!reader

Requested by Anonymous

Synopsis: you visit Sam at Stanford, and he makes promises that he doesn’t keep

You were crazy. Actually, you were beyond crazy. They needed a new, more dramatic version of the word crazy to describe you.

Not to mention, your dad was going to kill you.

Taking John’s money for a nonessential was enough to at least tick him off a bit. Not asking first was just blatantly disobeying him. Using it to sneak out in the middle of the night and take a bus out of town was basically asking for major punishment.

But going to see Sam? Oh, that was the nail in your coffin.

Dad hadn’t even talked about Sam since the day he left. Well, since the day after he left. The night Sam ditched the family for college, John pretended to be stoic for a couple of hours while he drank, but after half a dozen beers and Dean going to bed…

It was the only time you’d ever seen your father cry.

But since then, nothing; not a word about Sam, not a phone call, not even vague mentions. You got the message clearly—Sam didn’t exist anymore. You knew deep down that dad didn’t mean what he said about never letting Sam come back. You knew that if Sam ever decided to walk through those doors again, dad would be (secretly) overjoyed, and Sam would be allowed to stay. But now, while he was gone, while he was at college, the rule was clear; no talking to Sam. That didn’t mean you’d ever followed it—you’d tried to call Sam whenever you could sneak Dean’s phone (dad had taken yours the first time he caught you trying to call Sam); Sam had just never picked up.

You’d tried to live with just not talking to Sam, you really had, but you just couldn’t do it anymore. You had to see him, you had to convince him that his family still loved him, still wanted him back.

So here you were, on a bus in the middle of the night, your sleeping father and brother none the wiser to your crazy antics.

You were going to see Sam.

…

John was beside himself. He was forcing himself to take deep breath after deep breath so that he didn’t snap at Dean—he didn’t blame Dean, after all; he blamed himself. His eleven year old was missing from the motel room, and he didn’t even know where to begin looking.

“Dad!”

John was about to tell his son not to distract him, but he saw the paper Dean was waving—a note?

“Give me that.” John grabbed the paper from Dean and scanned down it quickly. “I’m safe. I’ll be back soon.” John scoffed. “Is she insane? This says nothing! She knows better than this! She could be anywhere, and we can’t protect her!”

“At least we know she left willingly,” Dean offered. “Nothing took her.”

“Yeah.” John ran a hand over his face. “Yet.”

…

You arrived at Stanford without incident, but your anxiety was mounting with every second. Was this a horrible idea? What if you couldn’t even find Sam? What if Dean and Dad figured out where you were, and they were already waiting on campus in the Impala? A car ride would have been much shorter than the bus you took—which was why you left your note vague in the first place.

You shook off your worries as you stepped onto campus. You were here to see Sam, and you weren’t going to let anything stop you.

You had no idea how to find him, so you did the only thing you could think of—

“Excuse me, have you seen this guy?” You were walking around campus as classes got out, interrupting the endless stream of people as you showed a picture you kept of Sam to as many people as you could get to look your way. You had no way of knowing if Sam was using his real name or an alias, so a visual representation was your best bet. Besides, Sam was always the friendly one—chances were, someone around here knew him. However, it wasn’t going well so far.

“Are you lost, honey?” asked a concerned-looking college student.

“I think that guy is in my metal-working class,” some guy offered. You doubted it—and besides, he didn’t offer any information about where Sam might be now.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to be here,” said another student—why was everyone so useless?

“Hey, I know that guy.” You turned your head when someone tapped your shoulder and pointed at your picture. “You’re looking for Sam?”

You nodded. “He’s my brother—I’m trying to surprise him.”

“He’s probably back at his apartment. It’s only about a block away, c’mon I’ll show you—I just got out of classes for the day.”

“I can find it if you tell me the address,” you offered shyly.

“And let Sam Winchester’s kid sister wander the streets? Heck no, your big brother would kill me.” The man chuckled, but you couldn’t tell if he was joking. “Follow me, kid.”

The kind stranger led you right up to Sam’s door before turning right back around and leaving. You found yourself standing alone on Sam’s porch, your hand twitching as if you couldn’t get up the strength to knock.

What if he didn’t want to see you? You’d always had a little voice in the back of your mind telling you it was your fault Sam left; normally the voice was tiny, because you knew that Sam left because he hated hunting, not you. But right now, standing in front of his doorway after a whole year, the voice was a whole lot louder.

Dad and Dean are gonna murder you for doing this, another voice said. You’d better make it worth it.

You were lifting your hand to knock when it opened.

“Whoa—Y/N?” Sam was halfway out the door when he froze in his tracks, inches from bumping into you.

“He-hey Sammy.” You cursed the stutter in your voice as you rocked back and forth on your heels. “Surprise.”

“What are you doing here?” Sam was looking around behind you. “You didn’t—I mean—are Dad and Dean—“

“I’m alone,” you assured him. “I just…I wanted to see you.”

“Do they know you’re here?”

“If they knew, I wouldn’t be here.” You took in your big brother—his hair longer, his clothes new—and noticed that he had a jacket half on. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Nowhere important.” Sam waved it off. “Why don’t you come on in?” Sam stepped back inside, and you followed him. “Dad’s gonna kill you.”

“Probably,” you mumbled, still rocking awkwardly. Sam’s arms suddenly around you both surprised you and put you at ease. You wrapped your arms around his neck, clinging tightly to your big brother. You hadn’t really been sure if he’d want to see you, or if things would be awkward, but Sam was just glad you were here.

“I missed you,” Sam admitted.

“I missed you too. It’s so weird in the motels alone.”

Sam pulled away suddenly. “They leave you alone?”

“When they’re on hunts.” You shrugged. “They don’t have another choice.” At Sam’s guilty silence, you kept going. “I didn’t mean—I’m not trying to make you feel bad, Sam. I just wanted to come see you.”

Sam’s attempted reply was cut short by the ringing of his cell phone. “It’s Dean,” he said when he looked at the number.

“Don’t answer!” You pleaded, but he’d already put the phone to his ear.

“Hey Dean.” Sam’s voice was strained as he spoke. His eyes met yours as he went silent, listening to Dean on the other end.

“Don’t tell him I’m here,” you whispered. “Sam please don’t tell him.”

“Yeah Dean.” Sam averted his gaze from your eyes. “Yeah she’s here. Ok. I’ll see you then.” He hung up.

“Why did you do that?” You demanded.

“Honey, you’ve gotta go back home,” Sam reasoned. “You’re not supposed to be here. And even though me, Dad, and Dean have had our fights, I’m not gonna let them freak out thinking some monster got you.”

“I know,” you mumbled, your lip quivering. “I just…I wanted to get away with it for a little longer.”

“Hey…” Sam gave you a quick hug before pulling away again. “Listen, Dean said they won’t be here for a few hours. Let me show you some of my favorite spots around here, ok?”

You gave Sam a watery smile.

“Sounds great.”

…

Sam took you to a local ice cream shop and walked you past everywhere he and his friends hung out. He introduced you to a pretty girl named Jess—Sam called her his “friend”, but he blushed while he talked to her.

After a few hours out with him, Sam took you back to his apartment to wait for Dean and John. You were sitting on Sam’s couch, catching each other up on the past year.

“You’re happy,” you said suddenly. It wasn’t a question.

“I am.” Sam was smiling. “And I miss you guys—I do—but I had to do this. I had to live my own life.”

“I-I know.” You stared down at your fidgeting hands. “I always understood it, I just…that didn’t stop it from hurting.”

“Hey, when you grow up, you can do the same thing. You can go to college, find your own life.”

You shook your head. “I don’t think I’m brave enough for that.”

“Are you kidding?” Sam laughed. “You left Dad and Dean to come find me, the pariah. And you’re just eleven! You’re brave enough to do whatever you want.”

“It’s not about leaving,” you admitted. “It’s about staying away. I can’t…I couldn’t be on my own like you can. I’d miss everyone too much.”

“Hey.” Sam put a hand on your shoulder, and you lifted your gaze to his eyes. “When you’re old enough, come find me. Dad and Dean might not want to talk to you if you go to college, but I’ll be here for you, I promise.”

“You…you will?”

“Hey, you’re still my little sister. I—“

Sam stopped when he heard the distinct sound of Baby’s engine just outside the door.

“They’re here.” You swallowed hard.

Sam walked you to his door, letting you hold onto his hand like you used to do when you were little.

Dean was already standing on Sam’s porch when Sam opened the door.

“Hey,” Dean greeted his brother, rubbing the back of his neck. He turned to you quickly. “You’re dead, by the way. Get in the Impala.”

Dean gave a quick nod to Sam, turning to get back in the car with you trailing just behind him, your feet dragging.

At the last second, you turned and dashed back towards Sam.

“Hey!” Dean called out, and at this point John Winchester started to emerge from the driver’s seat of the Impala. He was just opening his mouth to threaten you to get into the car when he stopped.

You were throwing your arms around your big brother for a last goodbye…or at least that’s what your father and Dean thought.

“Please come back,” you whimpered. “I know I said I understand, but I can’t do it anymore. I don’t wanna be alone anymore, please come back, please. I don’t want to leave you again.”

“Honey…” Sam closed his eyes, holding you in a vice grip one last time before pulling away. “Honey you have to go. And I have to stay. Hey, hey—“ he soothed when you started to cry. “I’ll call you. I promise.”

“You will?” You sniffled.

“Of course. Now get going, you don’t wanna keep Dad waiting.”

You wrapped your arms around Sam’s neck. “I love you.”

Sam kissed your forehead. “I love you too, kiddo. Now get out of here.”

You pulled away, turning finally to get in the car. Sam’s eyes lingered on his father first—who gave him a curt nod—then on his brother—whose hand lifted in an almost-wave before he dropped back into the Impala.

Sam stepped back into his apartment, but he couldn’t resist letting his eyes drift to the scene as he closed to door; John wrapped you in his arms the moment you got close enough, but after a brief moment of relief Sam could hear John start to scold you as the doors closed to both Baby and Sam’s apartment.

…

Sam tossed his bag into the back of the Impala, almost surprised when he saw you sitting in the back.

“Hey honey,” he greeted with a strained smile. You just stared at him.

“You brought her,” Sam directed quietly at Dean as Dean approached him.

“I wasn’t gonna drive halfway across the country without her,” Dean answered. “Especially not with dad missing.”

It had been three years since Sam had seen his family, and you had grown a lot.

“We should get going,” Dean said, and Sam hesitantly climbed into the Impala.

“You should get some sleep,” Dean directed at you. “I know you were faking it on the way here.”

“I’m fine,” you muttered.”

“Uh huh,” Dean scoffed. “Sure.”

Dean clicked on his radio, and Sam wasn’t surprised to hear the usual Metallica. He was just thinking to himself that the drum solos were even longer than usual when Dean spoke again.

“Out like a light.”

“What?” Sam asked. Dean gestured in the backseat, and Sam saw you fast asleep, your mouth hanging open and Dean’s jacket clutched in your arms.

“Those drum solos put her out every time,” Dean chuckled. Sam felt a pang somewhere deep in his gut—he never would’ve known how to get you to sleep.

There was a lot he didn’t know about you.

…

Sam was returning from the gas station with some snacks when he saw you talking animatedly with Dean—you had a big grin on your face and you were waving a book around. The moment Sam got close, the grin slowly faded and you changed the subject abruptly.

“Are we ready?” You asked quietly.

“Uh…yeah,” Dean said, also sensing the change. “Let’s get going.”

“What are you reading?” Sam asked as the Impala started up, hoping to coax you out of your shell. You just held up the book, letting it cover your face so Sam could see the title. “Ok,” Sam sighed, turning his attention back to the stretch of road.

…

“Are you ok?” You jumped up from the desk in the cheap motel when your big brothers stumbled into the room after a little run in with the woman in white.

“Fine, I’m fine,” Dean promised, even though Sam had watched him take a serious beating.

“No you’re not,” you said immediately, going for the first aid kit. “Sit,” you commanded.

Sam was surprised—he’d never seen you this assertive in the eleven years he’d grown up with you. Three years had done a lot to you.

Sam watched from the corner of the room while you and Dean worked silently in an odd rhythm, like you’d done this a thousand times before.

Dean stripped off his flannel, leaving him in just a gray T-shirt and exposing his cuts to your attentive care. You were just starting to disinfect one of his cuts when Sam reached around you to grab the first aid kit for himself.

“Nuh-uh.” Sam flinched when you slapped his hand away and pointed at the spot on the bed next to Dean. “Wait in line.”

Sam stared at you in surprise for a minute, but you were focused on wrapping Dean’s arm, so Sam just sat down.

“Ok go take a shower,” you told Dean when you were done. “You smell like dead people.”

Dean scoffed, but he didn’t argue.

“It’s just this,” Sam told you as he lifted his pant leg to reveal a long—but not too deep—cut across his shin. He’d gotten it when he smashed baby through a house; he was surprised Dean didn’t kill him for that.

“There’s splinters in it,” you said almost to yourself while you grabbed a pair of tweezers.

Silence reigned for several minutes while you painstakingly removed the tiny splinters from Sam’s cut.

“You didn’t call,” you said finally.

Sam had expected this moment to come. “I…I know.”

“Did…” you swallowed hard, and Sam noticed your hand shaking slightly. “Did I do something?”

“What?” Sam grabbed your hand to get your attention. “No, no you didn’t do anything.”

Your lip was quivering. “Then why did you lie to me?”

“I didn’t…” Sam sighed. “I didn’t mean to lie. I did want to call you, I just—well, first I was afraid that Dean or Dad would answer, since I only have their numbers. Then I…I thought about all the things that could have happened to you on the way to visit me that time. How many monsters could’ve gotten you because you left Dad and Dean for me. I didn’t want to encourage that…so I thought it was best if I stayed away.”

“I thought I did something wrong.” You pulled your hand away from Sam’s, forcing yourself to continue fixing his leg. “I-I thought maybe you didn’t want me anymore.”

The past tense of your words didn’t fool Sam—you still felt that way, he could tell.

“No,” he assured you. “That’s not it, that could never be it. I wish I could be with you more, it’s just…you’re not old enough to choose a life, and lingering in the middle of both is the most dangerous place to be. I know a lot has happened, but I’m still your big brother, and I had to take care of you. I thought…I thought that meant staying away.”

“Ok,” you sniffled.

“But I meant what I said,” Sam continued. “If you want out at 18, come find me. Really.”

“Ok,” you said again. “Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m…glad you’re here now.”

Sam grinned—albeit a little halfheartedly, knowing that he was returning to Stanford in the morning.

“Yeah, me too kiddo.”

“So…” a wry smile found its way onto your face. “How’s that friend of yours? Jess, right? Dean said she was in your apartment.”

“Blabbermouth,” Sam muttered under his breath.

“Well, I think this leg of yours needs stitches, so you’ve got plenty of time to tell me about this girlfriend of yours.”

Sam chuckled. Maybe you hadn’t changed all that much.

Taglist:

@nyotamalfoy @mrvlxgrl @chocorade @aestheticdaisies @inlovewhithafairytale @that-wannabe-vangoghgurl @casmustdiee @987coley @deadlymistletoe @wayward-impala83 @whump-loverz

[loversofthegrave]

What are some of your fave wincest fics?

Oh I'm so glad you asked anon! I am always looking for fic recs so I'm sure some followers will appreciate this little one here;

(in no particular order)

try asking by applecrumbledore

“Jerry says he saw them going at it in the back of that car of theirs outside Atlanta last year, I swear to God.”

“Listen, man, I don’t like them either, but that’s a low blow. Jerry’s a fucking pervert.”

outside POV ftw

other brothers by homo_pink

A callow boy can go from infancy to someone’s lover in the space of two wildflower summers.

Another outside POV but this writer I kneel at the altar for, absolute perfection. Read all their work, you're in for a treat

Howls in my bones by weefaol

When John gets a call to investigate a series of grisly animal killings, he drops Sam and Dean at an abandoned cabin two towns over. The boys find ways to keep busy — playing cards, watching movies, chopping wood — but with a howling winter storm on the way, there’s nowhere for Sam to hide his illicit feelings for his older brother.

As the lure of desire threatens to devour him, Sam must learn to face the wolves that lurk outside and the monsters within.

weecest

In the garden where sin began by nyoka

Some places, they grow for you.

weecest, beautifully written, so tender

one on, two out by deadlybride

In the fall of 2001, Deacon gets a letter from his old friend John Winchester, asking if John's son can stay at his house for a while.

not exactly wincest but I want to recommend this because it's just a great insight into a young dean and his vulnerability and there's a sequel involving wincest elements. Really really loved this

it started out with a kiss by intrepidheart

Sam has a date. That's not the problem. The problem is that Sam's asking Dean to teach him how to kiss. The problem is that this kiss changes everything.

rightly obsessed with jealous dean

the repeated image of the lover destroyed by hathfrozen

"Do you really love me that much?" Sam asks.

Dean laughs, a harsh sound, his body shaking underneath Sam.

"Look at me," Dean hisses, eyes still shut. "What the fuck do you think?"

see things so much clearer by deadlybride

Sam's been acting oddly. Dean learns how to use the history on an internet browser and finds out why.

somewhere there's blue by linden

Dean was just gonna go ahead and call this one: evenings which ended with Sam in a river were not evenings which had gone too well.

nickle and dime by linden

It was unlikely, Dean felt, that they'd be coming back to Montana: Child Protection Services had a real nasty habit of not forgetting people's names.

here's a few for now, I have more but I need to remember the names! I will probably reblog this with them but I hope you enjoy! Also if anyone has any recs please point me in that direction

much love

[rubyvhs]

he’s gone [dean winchester]

pairing; dean winchester x reader tags; death, losing loved ones, no dialogue, angst angst angst summary; you lose the love of your life too soon.

masterlist

Losing loved ones never gets easy— no matter what hunters tell you. I’ve hunted my whole life, or for the better half of it, and I’ve seen more friends die than I have seen alive, and it never gets easier. I wouldn’t want it to get any easier, that would feel like cheating, and I’m not cheating my loved ones.

Especially not Dean. Because he’s dead. Dean’s dead and I cried and I mourned and I grieved and I almost killed myself— all because he’s gone. It never gets easier. And I wouldn’t want it to because it helps me honor them, which is why I’m at the campsite where I last saw Dean. Before he ran off with Sam and they tried to make a break for it from the hellhounds. I told him it’s no use but Sam thought this would work, I didn’t get involved though.

I asked him for something, that night. For closure. He gave it without a second thought. We drove to this very campsite just at the edge of Texas. My hometown. We walked to same place i last saw my mum before she was taken away from me. 

He let me have it. He gave me a few hours of starting a fire, making food, and talking. We said our goodbyes and I told him to drive off. He did, obviously, and I watched him. 

I watched myself let him go. Force myself to let him go. It worked, it was the closure I needed, I didn’t go crazy like Sam did, I don’t look at every corner and think Dean will be there, I don’t go looking for demons to take my pain away— not to say that it was easy, but it was easier than Sam took it.

I still see him sometimes. When I’m working a case and some kid walks up to me, I start to picture the life I could have had with him. And when I walk past a diner, and when I see his favorite brand of beer in a bar. And when I look at his pictures. Dean never knew this but I secretly took his pictures for years, and I’m glad I did, seeing his face is… I’m happy I, at least, have.

This is why I’m here, at the campsite we sat at exactly four months ago. To mourn. To grieve. Whatever it is, I do it here every second of the month. It's the second of September and I’m letting the fire grow as I sit down next to it. I leave the other chair out just like we did in May right next to me. Every time, I’ve seen him next to me. I’m not stupid, I know it’s impossible, but it’s also easy to pretend he’s right there. So I look over, I smile at him. He smiles back. It feels okay, for just that one day. 

He’s gone, that much is true, but his legacy lives on. I use his FBI names. His tapes. His methods. I bring him up whenever I’m at hunter gatherings and they talk about John. “He raised a damn good son, too.”

“I’m sorry, Dean. I’m sorry.” I let out at the space next to me. I know he’s not there— but I swear he is. He’s right next to me.

He shakes his head and smiles. Mouths I love you.

I cry harder. 

[rosemariad]

SUPERNATURAL SEASON 15 - THE BITTER END - SERIES FINALE

We finally made it here.

Ooooooooh boy. 😬

The opening for THE series finale felt out of place to me.

You’re gonna waste minutes on this really?

How about a discussion about how they beat God, like they actually managed the impossible - 2 dudes just take the fight to the OG master & creator of the universe and won that shit with some plan they pulled outta their asses. Their surrogate child went on to become the next primordial being to reign over the universe. But no, we’re not gonna even talk about any of that.

Coulda done a million different things even with the COVID restrictions (the two actors in a room across a table, do whatever to keep them safe) but whatever 🤦🏾‍♀️

So after God comes vampires w/ masks? Really SPN?

The minute Dean slammed the Impala’s trunk shut after sundown made me nervous (that would be the last time he’s with his Impala, the last time he ever sees her w/ his own eyes 🥺😭)

Out of all the folks to pull outta the SPN peanut gallery you pick that random chick from 1x19?! Jenny?! Just to kill her off anyway (so I spoke too soon, vampJenny is the official last female to die on this show)

Ah…the nail of imminent demise

That final shot of Sam & Dean was toooo fucking intimate.

Suddenly the Wincest people aren’t so crazy. Why are y’all encouraging this?! Dude, they’re brothers!?! #brothersnotlovers. They could’ve done it like the end of Pearl Harbor where they got Ben Affleck crying over Josh Harnett’s body in the crash. Gimme weepy Sam, that Oscar moment. Dean died sooo young 🥺😒 younger than Mary (I know she was technically in her thirties but TBH she was 64/65), bobby, Rufus, Ellen & John. This is why we can’t have nice things😔

Cas is gonna be so saaaad. He always fought so hard for Dean's sake, only for the guy to die so young…it’s an insult - an outrage really. Dean fought so hard for so long only for him to say - it was always gonna end this way?! 😡

He didn’t have to make it to old age (though he deserved to) but don’t let him die like this. All accepting so soon after resolving the meta plot 😔 there were things Dean probably wanted to do and now, he’ll never get his chance. He could’ve settled down with someone (it wouldn’t have been Cas since he got killed off already but shit I would’ve settled for Dean to settle with anyone for a minute, like Sam did) - also would’ve been nice to hear from Jody or Donna and others one last time but hey fuck the side characters 🤣 (oh COVID the scapegoat that keeps on giving - it’s like the showrunners forgot the convenience of modern technology).

So Chuck definitely won - he's no longer burdened by having to deal w/ the universe and one of the Winchesters died anyway. Not exactly as planned but they never broke free, not really. I totally subscribe to this theory. Especially since it’s alluded to that Dean Jr - Sam’s son - is a hunter also at the time of Sam’s death by old age (we think…I’m just saying that’s an awful not of tubes and stuff for the old man, maybe just to monitor his heart rate/health - eh)

The Sam wig is bad but eh - doesn’t bother me - we’re talking about a CW show wrapping up a project, it’s not the end of the world people, the plot is what matter s and the plot here is a fucking shit show my lord. It’s not the first show to suffer a shit ending to a show that captivated worldwide audiences but damn this is a bummer.

Especially since it’s alluded to that Dean Jr - Sam’s son - is a hunter also at the time of Sam’s death by old age (we think…I’m just saying that’s an awful not of tubes and stuff for the old man, maybe just to monitor his heart rate/health - eh) But yay for Sam apparently - couldn’t think of a better name for your son than Dean Jr.? It only makes sense to make the kid a junior if it was Dean’s actual kid, like Dean would’ve been Dean Sr. And his boy would’ve been Dean Jr. or Dean W. The II. And and hello there women whose face we don’t get to see (really committing to limiting women’s presence in the show - again probably blaming in on COVID but if you have a literal baby with this giant man, you can chance a woman being there in an actual camera shot where we can see her face 🙄) Back to Dean - again cuz of COVID? I guess - we don’t get to see him reunite with anyone (not his MOM even?) except Bobby for like 1 second and then he’s just driving around in his car. No roadhouse, no fishing, nothing but sitting in his car, alone killing time until Sam inevitably returns to him.

Oh what a shame…

So that happened I guess. SPN was something else, for better or worse. Probably never gonna get a show like that again. They tried it with the Winchesters spin off about a supposed alternate universe MaryxJohn thing and friends but honestly if its not about the Winchesters brothers or Destiel who cares 🤣 they pretty much wrapped up Sam & Dean’s stories thanks to this finale but Dean (per the Winchesters flop) could be brought back into the fray somehow if they wanted - but hey that’s what fanfiction’s for 😁

Well SPN it’s been interesting…sort of.

On that note…

I wanna thank the fans of the show, your hot takes, memes and general fervor over this show/story is what finally made me watch it all. Cuz I remember the TV spots from back in the day, cruising the CW channel on weeknights after school. I was too busy watching other shows to give SPN a chance while it aired. So thank you 🙏🏽

[golden-bubblebee]

Supernatural season 5 pt3

HAHAHHA CASTIEEEL

This went from 'DEAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING' to 'Noo poor baby you hurt me' Real fast

WowWowWow

Dean winchester you take that back

Wtf do you mean 'you're not my father'

Bobby singer is the only father youve actually had you dipshit

John? He was your commander

Bobby singer, I cry

(You know why i don't shoot myself? Bc I promised YOU that I wouldn't give up!)

WINCHESTER PT3? IS THAT YOU?

IT ISSS

Yoo Cass, low blow. Very funny tho

'You know what, blow me cass' That's the face of an angel very intrigued by that idea

''Cass not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that, I got laid''.

No further comment thank you

"I don't believe"

"In what?"

"In you"

''Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally and erotically codependent on eachother''

So what I'm hearing is that Zacharia ships wincest

I have seen the 'I rebelled for this?' gif. But the scene itself is so much better omg

'What the hell happened to him?'(dean) 'Me' (Cass)

I'm sure that gets said in different contexts too

I do think this shows perfectly who the angels are. Richly and neatly brocaded, filled with promise. But in the end, it's all a sham. Their pretty, rich room is a shed

OH MY GOD

Thats mustve hurt

Couldnt they just

Paint the angel symbol on the inside of his jacket or smt

Instead of carving it into his fucking chest

Hes lying. He has to be lying

THE WINK OH MY GOD THE WINK DEAN I LOVE YOU

"The stupid son of a bitch brought me here"

I JUST DIDNT WANT TO LET YOU DOWN

This episode is goung to be like the Holmes house isnt it

Designed to kill

'Buffet, all you can eat' So youre nicely stuffed when we, eat you

GODS, SERIOUSLY?

Love that those boys literally went 'Hmmm no were leaving now'

Ghostfacers!

Lucy seems genuinly sad abt gabe taking the humans side

But then again hes lucifer so that might be fake

Oh man pestilence is one unpleasant guy

[supernaturalscribe67]

Just Like Mama Used to Make

Words: 6,178

POV: 1st & 3rd Person

Pairing: John x Son!Reader - Dean/Sam x Brother!Reader [Platonic]

Warning(s): Language, John Winchester, Fluff, Mention of Childhood Trauma, Mention of Death, I think that's it??

Summary: Taking inspiration from his father, the reader starts his very own journal. For his first entry, he recalls some of the memories that shaped him into the hunter that he has become.

Request:

Hello, hope you are having a good day/night

I was wondering if I could request John/Dean/Sam Winchester reaction to having a brother who looks like their mother and picked up hunting like breathing?

@xweirdo101x

A/N: My very first request! It kind of got away from me, but I really hope that I was able to do your request justice. Hope you like it!~

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Hello

Hey!

Dear Diary

SEPTEMBER 2014

To be honest, I have no idea how to start something like this. I was never one for writing, nor have I been one who can easily express my emotions. I guess I got that trait from the Winchester side of my family. Still, I have thought a lot about Dad’s journal lately. The things that he wrote down. It’s not detailed. It’s nowhere near what it was like growing up with him, but it still provides Dean, Sammy, and me with some information and nostalgia from time to time.

So, I figured ‘Why the Hell not’, I might as well write down some things in my own journal. I’m going to die someday anyway, and I want people to read this and be able to see what my life was like. From the good times that I spent with my family to the bad times when I lost my family. Hell, maybe this journal will get me into a history book someday when someone else discovers the Men of Letters Bunker. Who knows. Maybe I’ll be famous after I die, or perhaps it’s just wishful thinking. 

This journal has already turned into a clusterfuck. I don’t even know what to write about. I can’t even think of things to write about. Should I say things about my life? Should I just write down random things I think of throughout the day? I don’t know how to do it. Even when I look at Dad’s journal for inspiration, there’s nothing to inspire in it. A lot of it is notes on how to kill monsters and other stuff is just a bunch of personal bullshit he was going through. 

Well, we were all going through it.

I guess I’ll start by writing down some of the memories I’ve had. If I don’t like it, then I’ll throw this journal away and start another one. I don’t want future historians to think of me as some scatterbrained moron, despite what Sammy and Dean say at times. If you’re reading this now, I’m actually the smartest Winchester brother. Don’t believe a thing Sam and Dean say. I’m the brains of the operations and our day-to-day lives. I’ve saved them more times than I could count. 

Then again, they’ve probably saved me just as much. 

Alright, I’m getting side-tracked. I guess I’ll just start writing. 

Should I introduce myself first before I do so? 

My name is (Y/N) Winchester. I’m a hunter. 

This is my story (God, that was terrible)

AUGUST 1991

I remember the first time I mentioned to my father that I wanted to be a hunter, just like him. I was six years old. Dad didn’t take it very kindly. He yelled, a lot. Screamed sometimes. I never truly understood why he would always get so upset whenever I would ask him to teach me how to hunt. 

It wasn’t until I was a man that I understood why. 

I look just like my mother. 

I don’t know how I could have been so blind all those years. I have her hair. I have her face. I have her smile. All of these things have been said by my father before. Not necessarily when he was sober. I was always the one person that reminded my Dad of his wife. Of my mother. I think a part of him wanted to keep me safe, just so he could always look at me and remember what she looked like. Even when I was a child, though, I could see the hurt behind his eyes every once in a while when he would look at me. It made me feel guilty. 

Still does. 

I know that none of it is my fault, that he made himself hurt. 

Still… 

For months, I would ask my Dad to teach me about hunting. To teach me about the monsters that crept through the darkness. Each time I asked, he would reject my request and I would get scolded for asking such a stupid question. 

So, one night, around the age of seven or eight (one of the two, I can’t remember exactly), I decided that school wasn’t very important. There were occasions when I snuck out of classes to go to the library of whatever town we were in at the time to search the limited amount of lore books that they had. There were times when I got caught by Dean before I was able to sneak out. Other times it was by Sammy. Sometimes, my father would get a call from the school because I had been reported missing. 

I was a problem child, as you could tell. 

It’s not that I hated school. 

It just wasn’t my favorite. 

And I wanted to hunt. 

So, anyway…from town to town, I would skip class, go to the library, and learn everything that I could learn about hunting if there was anything to learn. Sometimes, I would ask Dean questions. Sometimes he would answer, other times he told me to not worry about it and to mind my own business. It used to hurt whenever Dean would reject any of the questions that I would ask, but I know now that it was so he didn’t get in trouble with Dad. I remember giving him a hard time about it, about not answering me. Dean, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry for being a jerk. 

Then again, Dean, if you’re reading this, you shouldn’t be reading this and expect some glitter to appear in your body wash. 

No one knew about my secret research. No one knew the reason behind my skipping classes. I would constantly make up lies, most of them being about how much I hated moving around and just wanted to rebel against my father. Typical kid stuff. 

It wasn’t until August of 1991, when I was ten years old, that I was finally able to put that research to use.

(Y/N) stared down at the paper that rested on a notebook in his lap. His eyes were wide and filled with stress, fingers tangled in his short hair, his back slouched ever so slightly. Dean sat a couple of inches away from him near the end of the bed, his homework in his lap, while Sam leaned against the headboard, a book in his hands that he had gotten from the school library. Dean looked up from his work, noticing the look of despair on his brother’s face before he glanced down at his worksheet. Dean grimaced and let out a hiss. 

“Multiplying fractions?” He asked, a hint of sympathy in his tone. 

Without looking up, (Y/N) gave a short nod. Dean pressed his lips together in a thin line before he set his pencil down beside him. 

“Do you need help?” Dean offered. 

(Y/N) lifted his head and looked at his older brother, giving a small, soundless nod. Dean offered a smile as he moved closer to him so that they were sitting next to one another. Dean craned his neck to be able to look at the paper, tilting his head as he studied the equations. 

“Which one are you having problems with?” He asked. 

“All of them,” (Y/N) answered. 

Dean snorted. “Okay, so, it’s easy-” 

“Wow, Dean thinks math is easy?” Sam mumbled, a smirk playing on his lips. 

Dean lifted his head and glared at Sam. “Shut up, bitch,” 

Sam shot a bitch-face towards Dean. “You shut up, jerk,” he retorted. 

(Y/N) let out a frustrated grunt. “Will both of you assholes shut up!? I don’t understand this!” His voice was filled with annoyance and desperation. 

Dean and Sam shot their brother a look. Sam rolled his eyes as he returned to the book. Dean looked back down at the paper, mumbling an apology under his breath. He then began to help (Y/N) with his homework, walking him through all of the problems that he had. (Y/N) still felt as if Dean was speaking in a foreign language, but he could understand the homework a little easier. 

When the paper was halfway finished, the door to the motel room suddenly burst open, causing the three brothers to jump, their eyes wide as they turned and looked at the person who had just entered. John stormed into the room, slamming the door behind him. He stomped over to the couch that sat in front of the small television set and plopped down on it. He ran his hands down his face and let a small growl emit from his throat. 

Dean, Sam, and (Y/N) shared a glance, almost as if they were communicating telepathically. After a while, Dean and Sam both turned their attention toward their brother, their eyes locked on his. After looking back and forth between the two, (Y/N) let out a soundless sigh as he set his homework beside him. He moved off of the bed and padded across the aged carpet to the couch. Slowly, he walked around the sofa so that he could see his father. 

John looked tired. Dark circles were prominent underneath his eyes. One of his legs was propped up on the couch while the other lay bent in front of him. His elbow rested on the arm of the sofa, his cheek placed against his right hand as he stared at the television in front of him. Nothing played. When (Y/N) came into view, John glanced at him out of the corner of his eye for a brief moment. He said nothing. 

“Hey, Dad,” (Y/N) greeted. “Um…how were the, uh, interviews with the victims’ families?” 

John shook his head. “Not great, kid,” he grumbled. 

“No?” 

“No.” 

As (Y/N) stared at his father, he timidly moved over to the couch. John hesitantly moved his leg as (Y/N) sat down next to him. 

“Did you…learn anything?” 

“Why aren’t you boys in bed?” John grunted. 

“We’re finishing our homework.” 

“Then shouldn’t you be working on it?”

(Y/N)’s shoulders slouched. “I just…wanted to see how it went is all…” 

“You want to know how it went?” John’s voice got deeper. “You really want to know how it went? Fucking terrible. That’s how it went,” John straightened himself out on the couch before he stood up. He began to pace around the room, his tone of voice getting more and more irritable. “I thought I had a good fucking lead going. All of the victims went to the same fucking bookstore a couple of days before their deaths and got the same book. Seems like a fucking coincidence, right? Then I go to the goddamn bookstore to see what the book was and all it was was something called Aradia or some shit like that. Some type of foreign book bullshit, I don’t fucking know.” 

(Y/N) furrowed his brows as John continued to rant. He looked down and away from his father. He got lost, deep in thought, the words that John was speaking irrelevant to him now. Finally, he turned back to him, kneeling on the couch as he raised his brows. 

“Did you say Aradia?” He questioned in the middle of John’s rant. 

John stopped pacing around the room as he looked back at (Y/N). Dean and Sam’s attention immediately turned to him, their eyes wide. John’s jaw was clenched, the anger and irritation still emanating from him. “Yeah,” he replied deeply. 

“Aradia…” (Y/N) trailed before he shook his head. “That’s not a foreign book, Dad! That’s only the first half of the title. The full title is Aradia or the Gospel of the Witches. It was one of the most influential pieces of literature in the nineteenth century to witches! You’re dealing with a witch!” (Y/N)’s eyes widened as a smile appeared on his face. 

John’s expression went from furious to confusion. He narrowed his eyes. “How do you know about that book?” He questioned. 

“I read about it in a library a little bit ago.” (Y/N) answered quickly. 

John pressed his tongue into his cheek as he slowly nodded his head. He looked at Sam and Dean, who were still staring with wide eyes at their brother, and then back at (Y/N). He ran a hand down his face stressfully. 

“You boys finish your homework,” he mumbled as he walked towards the door. “I have to make a call.” 

Without allowing anyone to respond, John left the motel room, closing the door behind him a little gentler than when he entered. (Y/N)’s smile faded as he watched his father leave, his shoulders dropping. The three brothers sat in silence for a minute before they looked at one another. 

“Come on,” Dean said as he patted the spot on the bed next to him. “Let’s finish these math problems.” 

Even though Dad never told me, I knew I was right. I knew it was a witch that he had dealt with. We didn’t even get to go to school the next day. He had found and killed her before I was able to turn in that math homework. What a waste of time. 

I would like to think that Dad was proud of me in that situation, but he never said anything. He never brought it up again as far as I can remember. It was something that he had put in the past, along with all of the other hunts that we had been on. However, even if he wasn’t proud of me back then, I was proud of myself. Proud that I was able to help my Dad even if I wasn’t beside him when he took that bitch down. 

God, I hate witches. 

MAY 1993

I didn’t touch a gun until I was twelve years old. By that point, I had stopped begging Dad to teach me how to hunt, because it seemed that the only answer I was going to be getting was ‘No’. I figured that I would go to the next best person for the job. 

I had to ask Dean. 

Dean was very protective of Sammy and me when we were younger. He still is super protective of us, even in our ripe old ages. But because of how protective he could get, he was very hesitant about teaching me how to shoot a gun. However, with Dad talking about Dean going on hunts with him more and more by then, I knew that I would be left alone with Sammy. I used the excuse that I needed to learn how to shoot a gun eventually so that I could protect the two of us when we were by ourselves. I couldn’t be expected to be safe when the only two people who knew how to shoot were away. 

That reasoning caught Dean’s attention. 

After the fifth or sixth time asking him, Dean had finally agreed. A couple of days passed and, when Dad was a couple of towns away gathering information for a hunt, Dean and I skipped school. Shocking, right? I think Dean used the excuse that I hadn’t been feeling well and he had to take care of me. He even wrote out a fake doctor’s note and everything. Back then, you could get away with a handwritten note. I’m not too sure if you could now. 

Once Sammy had been dropped off at school that day, Dean and I walked to a creek a couple of miles away from the school. He had set up a couple of cans on a log, some recycled stuff that he had picked up along the way. He had brought one of Dad’s small handguns with him. When he gave it to me, it felt so surreal. So different. 

I never really understood what the big fuss was about, though. 

Shooting a gun was easy. 

“No, you can’t have your hand that low! You have it that low and the gun is going to come out of your hand when you shoot it,” Dean grumbled. 

Dean took (Y/N)’s hand in his and adjusted it so that it fits perfectly onto the grip of the handgun. He then took his other hand and placed it on top of the one that was already on the gun. (Y/N) furrowed his brows as he looked at the way his hands nestled against one another. 

“This doesn’t feel right.” He said. “Why can’t I just hold it with one hand like the cops do in the movies?” 

“Because you’re twelve, dummy. You’re not in your forties and have years of experience under your belt,” Dean rolled his eyes. “And that is exactly how you should hold it if you don’t want to get hit in the face with your weapon after you fire it.” 

(Y/N) listened intently to what his brother was saying, giving him a small nod before he straightened his back up. 

“Stop.” Dean held up a hand. 

(Y/N) shot Dean a confused look. “What?” 

“You’re standing wrong.” 

“I’m standing wrong…” 

“Yeah, here,” Dean walked over, pressing his hand against the top of (Y/N)’s back ever so slightly, leaning him forward. “If you have your back too straight, then you’re more likely to fall backward. You also,” Dean kicked (Y/N)’s feet apart. “Need to have your feet apart. Keeps you more ground.”

(Y/N) looked down at the ground for a moment, taking in the appearance and feel of his stance. The way his back leaned forward and the way his legs were spread. He nodded. 

“Okay, now I shoot?” 

“Is your safety off?” 

“Safety?” 

Dean sighed, moving back over to him. He took the gun from (Y/N)’s grasp and flashed the left side of the gun. “You see this little trigger?” When Dean received a nod from his brother, he continued. “If it’s facing side-to-side, that means the safety is on. That means the gun won’t fire. All you have to do is flick this little switch,” Dean turned the safety off. “Once it’s up and down, then that means it’s ready to fire.” He handed the gun back to (Y/N). “Now, get back into position.” 

(Y/N) glanced down at the safety mechanism on the gun for a moment before he nodded. He got back into the position that he was in, spreading his legs apart the same length Dean had and slouching his back forward ever so slightly. Once he received a nod of approval from Dean, (Y/N) lifted his arms, cocking his head to the side. He aimed at the can farthest to the left. He closed his left eye and placed his finger on the trigger. 

“Stop!” Dean said more abruptly. 

(Y/N) jumped and moved his finger off the trigger, standing up straighter to face Dean. “What!?” He asked exasperatedly. 

Dean shook his head. “You can’t have one eye closed.” 

“Why not? Snipers do it!” 

“Because snipers are far enough away from combat. They need to look through a scope to get a good shot. You, on the other hand, are feet away from whatever monster you’re dealing with. What happens when you’re facing more than one monster? You leave yourself open to being taken out on your left.” Dean’s tone was stern, yet calm. His arms were crossed over his chest. 

Slowly, (Y/N) nodded as he grasped an understanding of Dean’s thinking. “Both eyes open?” 

“Both eyes open.” Dean backed up a bit. “Back into position.” 

(Y/N) let out a shaky breath before resuming his position. Legs spread, back bent, arms up, head tilted, both eyes open. His goal was to hit the used can of peaches that sat on the outside of the log. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest from anxiousness and anticipation. He was surprised the gun wasn’t shaking in his grasp. 

His eyes were on the cartoon peaches that were etched onto the label of the can. More specifically, the pit that sat in the center of the peach. He wanted to hit the pit. He never moved his eyes from the pit as he took a deep breath, his shoulders rising. Finally, as he exhaled, his shoulders dropping, he pulled the trigger. 

The can flew into the air and seemed to dramatically and unceremoniously fall into the creek. A small splash echoed in (Y/N)’s ears, accompanied by the ringing of the gunshot. 

One thing that (Y/N) noted was that his hands ached, both from the vice grip he had on the gun and the recoil that he hadn’t expected. Sure, Dean had informed him about it before, but he wasn’t sure how it would feel. His hands would definitely bruise. 

(Y/N) lowered the gun, looking over at his brother to see that Dean wore a stunned expression on his face. Dean’s mouth hung open as his eyes were glued to the can that lay in the flowing water. (Y/N) watched in silence as Dean walked over to the can. He reached down and picked it up by the opening, wincing from the heat of the bullet hole before he swapped hands. He studied the can. It seemed like too much time had passed before he turned the can so (Y/N) could see. 

(Y/N) had gotten it on his first try. 

The bullet hole? 

Right in the pit. 

(Y/N) raised his brows, a mixture of pride and surprise coursing through him. A wide smile appeared on his face. Similarly, a smirk appeared on Dean’s lips. Dean chuckled before he tossed the can into the water. 

“Beginner’s luck,” he said, brushing his hands onto his jeans. “Let’s see if you can hit the other ones.” 

I shot through the rest of the cans, the same as I had done for that can of peaches. Not to toot my own horn, but I was a natural when it came to a pistol. I don’t mean to sound egotistic about this, but Dean can back up any statement that I’m making about this story. 

I could tell that Dean was proud of me that day. He never said he was, but the way he looked at me and the way he treated me afterward told me things that words couldn’t. It’s hard to describe, but it almost felt like he had gained some respect for me that day. It felt good. Even as I am writing about this story, I can’t keep the smile off my face. I always looked up at Dean, so it feels great to think that I had done something to bring a smile to his stupid face. 

My hands hurt like hell after it was all said and done. I had gotten a couple of bruises near the thumb on my right hand that I brushed off to my Dad as something that I had picked up when I got into a fight at school. Dean had backed me up when Dad got on my ass about it. Dad told me that I had to get along with the other kids so I didn’t give the wrong impression at the schools I went to. It wasn’t like they would remember me anyway. Of course, I didn’t tell him that. I knew when to bite my tongue. 

Dad never found out about the shooting practice. I get a feeling that he had a sneaking suspicion as soon as he took me to practice himself years later, but I never told him about it. I never told him that Dean had been the one to teach me how to stand correctly, or where to find the safety of a gun. I know that he knew it was Dean. A part of me wonders if Dean ever got in trouble for it, or if it was something that Dad even brought up. I would never ask Dean about it now, though. 

Some things are best to be left in the past.

 

NOVEMBER 1999

By the time I turned eighteen, I had already been on several hunts with Dad and Dean. The majority of the time, though, I would stay back and watch Sammy. Even though he was a teenager and had the capability of taking care of himself, Dad expressed that he was still a kid and needed to be looked after. A part of me thought it was bullshit at the time, but another part of me was glad that I was able to spend time with my younger brother. 

Now, I know the real reason behind my staying with Sammy was because some of the hunts that Dad and Dean went on were ‘rough’. A little ‘too hard’ for me. 

Dad didn’t want to lose the son that reminded him of his wife. 

At least, that was what Dean told me, and I believe him. 

It was a blessing and a curse, come to think of it. There were times that I stayed behind and Dad called me up, needing me to do some research for the case that they were working on. He had said it would be faster if someone was working on the research while he and Dean were out taking interviews. In the end, it was more efficient. I would gather the necessary information and hand it off to him and they would be back at the motel a lot quicker than if they had been the ones to look up the information. 

That was the system that we worked with for a while. After a couple of months, Dad informed me that he didn’t want me to do the research anymore. He wanted Sammy to be the one to do it. I remember him saying that Sammy needed to focus more on the hunting aspect of his life. That school was just a waste of time at that point. He was old enough to get into it. 

Sammy hated the idea when I told him. He loved school. He was always such a nerd. Still is. An even bigger nerd if you can believe it. I knew how much school meant to him, and I didn’t want him to be discouraged from doing his schoolwork. He shouldn’t have been forced to do anything that he didn’t want to. So, I decided that I was going to do the research and just tell Dad that he had been the one to do it. Sammy was thankful. 

That was until Dad called. 

Dad wasn't as stupid as I took him for most of the time. He knew that Sammy hadn’t done any of the research, that I was the one that did it all. By the time he and Dean got back, he gave Sammy a verbal lashing. I tried to defend him, but nothing worked. In the end, Sammy gave in. He would do the research for the next hunt. 

Like clockwork, when the next hunt rolled around, with Sammy and I staying back at the motel, Dad had called. He had given Sammy the information that he needed to research and we headed off to the local library. Once we got the necessary books, we took them back to the motel and he began to work. 

I could tell that it wasn’t going well.

Sam sat at the small table near the motel room door, two books placed in front of him. His back was slouched as he looked from one book to another, flipping through pages frantically. He had been going at it for several hours by then, evident by the bags that were present underneath his eyes and the redness around his pupils. (Y/N) sat on the couch, watching some old western show. Now and then he would look at his little brother. He could see how tired and stressed he was about the entire situation. (Y/N) had never seen Sam that stressed out before, even when he was studying for a test in one of his AP classes. 

Eventually, Sam pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes, lowering his head, as if accepting defeat. (Y/N) studied his movements, and, after he saw that he had not moved in a while, he decided the best thing to do was to help him out. He picked up the remote and turned off the television before tossing it aside. He stood from his spot on the couch and walked over to the table. He grabbed the spare chair, pulled it beside Sam, and sat down. 

“Having some trouble?” He questioned. 

Sam’s shoulders rose and fell as a sigh escaped his lips. He removed his hands from his face and placed them into his lengthy hair. His eyes were cast down towards the table. He stayed in the same position for some time before he looked up at (Y/N). 

“No,” he answered, pulling the books towards him. “I’m fine.” 

“You don’t look fine.” 

“I said ‘I’m fine’,” Sam repeated through gritted teeth. 

(Y/N) studied him with an expressionless face. Sam kept his eyes down, looking from one book to another. (Y/N) was able to see the stress that was emitted from his brother even better with how close he was sitting. He took one look at the books before he shook his head. 

“I’m sorry Dad’s making you do this.” 

“It’s fine.” 

“No, it’s not. You shouldn’t be doing this alone the first time…” he trailed. “But if Dad found out I helped you-” 

“You’d get in trouble, and so would I. Yeah, I know.” 

(Y/N) pursed his lips. “You know, it took me a little over a year to get comfortable with translating Latin. I sometimes screw up from time to time.” 

“Still?” 

“Yeah, still,” he chuckled. “That’s why I got something that helps me out now and again.” 

With that, (Y/N) stood from his spot on the chair and waltzed over to the bed in the far corner of the room. Beside the bed sat his black duffel bag. He picked it up and placed it on the bed. He began to rummage through it, sorting through clothes and weapons that rested at the bottom. Wedged into the corner of his bag sat a book. He picked it up and brought it over to the table. He took a seat next to Sam once more and placed the book in front of him. 

Sam furrowed his brows as he studied the cover. It was a Latin-English translation book. It looked rather similar to the one that he had picked up at the library. The only difference was the color of the cover was a little faded and, along the outside of the book, between all of the pages, were multi-colored Post-it notes. Each Post-it note had different letter combinations on it, as well as notes written on some of them. Sam opened the cover and he raised his brows when he saw that the first page was replaced by a notebook-sized piece of paper, taped to the front page. There were multiple words in English on the left side with their corresponding Latin translation on the right. 

“What’s this?” Sam asked. 

“It’s a translation book I picked up a couple of years back at a bookstore. I figured since there were going to be a lot of things that needed translating, then I was going to have to make it easier for myself to find the words. The only problem is that most of these translation books are so damn compressed that it’s hard to find certain words without getting blurry vision. So, I took the liberty to mark down all of the times when the letters change in the words. For example, when the words that start with ‘AB’ transfer to words that start with ‘AC’. It always made it easier to find. Plus, I made a page at the beginning about common words that I have found in my research so that it would be easier to translate them.” 

As (Y/N) explained, he gestured with his hand toward the book. Sam listened intently, taking in all of the information that he was given, nodding his head. Once (Y/N) was done talking, Sam looked down at the book and then back up at him. 

“You did all this?” 

“Yeah,” (Y/N) chuckled. “Crazy, right?” 

Sam snorted. “Yeah. Wish you put that much effort into your homework when you were still in school.” 

“Hey,” (Y/N) leaned back in his chair and lifted his hands in mock surrender. “School was fine and all, but this is something I enjoy, and I’m good at it. I’m good at hunting research and you’re good in school.” 

“And what’s Dean good at?” 

“Being a pain in the ass.” 

Sam smiled widely, his dimples more prominent than (Y/N) had seen in a while. After a beat or two of silence, the smile faded as he looked down.

“I wish Dad could see that I’m good at school.” 

The corner of (Y/N)’s mouth curved downward. It was his turn to look down at the table. He reached over and placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder comfortingly. “I know, kiddo,” he mumbled. “But Dean and I both see how much of a nerd you are. Don’t worry.” 

A smile returned to Sam’s face, but it wasn’t as happy as the last one. They sat in silence for a little bit before (Y/N) lowered his hand and Sam moved back to the books. 

“You got it from here?” (Y/N) questioned. 

“Yeah, I got it,” 

“Great,” (Y/N) said as he stood from his seat and patted Sam on the back. “Call me over if you need anything.” 

“Yeah, I’ll make sure to call you over when I get to the part about multiplying fractions.” 

(Y/N) glared at Sam and crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?” 

“No, no I’m not.” 

Sammy still teases me to this day about not knowing how to multiply fractions. Even though it was decades ago at this point, he still likes to tease me about it. Little shit. 

With my help, Sammy was able to get the translations done a lot faster than he expected. I remember seeing the relief on his face when he had finished. Poor kid was so exhausted. Dad was more than pleased when he called and asked about it. Dad never found out that I had helped him out a bit, and neither Sammy nor I were planning on telling him. I just wanted Sammy to have an easier time than I did when I was first learning about research, specifically translations. 

In the end, I would have to say that Sammy is better than me when it comes to research. He’s taken the reigns on many different hunts because of how proficient he is with technology. I’m good with old-fashioned ways of research, but Sammy’s the nerd when it comes to computers. 

Sammy has told me once or twice, though, that I was the one that helped him the most when it came to his knowledge of research. That, without my help, he wouldn’t have been as good at it as he is now. 

I call bullshit. Sammy has always been a smart kid. 

He could do anything he put his mind to. 

SEPTEMBER 2014

This is all I can write at the moment. Dean called me to the kitchen a couple of minutes ago saying that dinner was ready. I need to wrap this up before he or Sammy comes in here and sees what I’m doing. I know that I would get endlessly teased about keeping a ‘diary’. I need to make sure to hide this in a good enough place where neither of them will find it if they go snooping through my room. 

Sam, Dean, if you guys are reading this, I’ll get you back. 

But if you’re going to read it, I just want to let you know that I love you guys. 

Not that I’m into chick-flick moments or anything. 

I’m just glad that I have you guys as my brothers. No one could ask for a better family than you two. 

Okay, that was cheesy. I wish I wasn’t writing this in pen so I could erase it. 

Dammit. 

I’m not too sure how to end this, so I guess I’ll just write again sometime when I can. Perhaps I could do like Dad did in his journal and write about all of the new monsters we have discovered over the years. Or maybe write more memories down. This journal is going to be so cluttered that no one is going to want to read it. There’s no way I’m going to get famous from this. 

Dean just called me to the kitchen again. 

Until next time. 

Happy hunting. (That was stupid, think of something better).

WE LOVE YOU TOO - SAM + DEAN

[shallowseeker]

Barriers to deserving happiness

Dean's survivors' guilt re: John's deal is getting to me today. I mean, it was SO powerful and so intrinsic to understanding early-seasons Dean. Like, it's THE thing that eats Dean and it's one of THE biggest things that feeds into his deal for Sam. I don't think it's not not discussed, but I'd love to see it discussed more.

Dean RE: the deal —

...

Bobby:  What is it with you Winchesters, huh? You, your dad, you’re both just itching to throw yourselves down the pit! Dean:  That’s my point. Dad brought me back Bobby. I’m not even supposed to be here. At least this way something good can come out of it. You know, like my life can mean something.

.... and....

Dean:  Which is why we gotta find this yellow eyed son of a bitch! That’s why I’m gonna kill him myself. I mean I got nothing to lose now, right? Bobby:  I could throttle you!

2x22

And there's Cas, trying desperately to figure out a broader meaning for why GOD* and later Jack brought him back, searching for a way to make it meaningful:

CASTIEL: And if Michael really is coming, maybe I was brought back to help prepare. DEAN: Prepare for what? CASTIEL: War.

13x14

Survivor’s guilt in the context of a soldier is a profound and deeply personal experience, often shaped by the unique bonds of camaraderie and shared risk in military service. F or soldiers, the guilt of surviving when comrades do not can be magnified by the intense loyalty and sense of responsibility they feel toward their unit. This guilt can create significant barriers to emotional recovery and accepting happiness, as it becomes intertwined with their identity and values.

I think... Survivor’s guilt can make Dean Winchester or Castiel feel unworthy of happiness, especially when their choices led to others dying. Loving each other might feel like a betrayal, as if finding solace together means ignoring the lives they couldn’t save—or the ones they took.

Purgatory is tempting because it respectively offers Dean and Castiel an escape from the burden of guilt. (And at first, Dean wants to get them out! A bit like how SPNWIN John wants to get Mary out of hunting but struggles to get himself out of it.)

Eternal war and constant punishment can feel like justice—a way to pay for what they've done. It’s a place where they can reject happiness, where the relentless struggle numbs the ache of loss and absolves them of the need to move forward. In purgatory, there’s no room for joy or love, only survival, and that feels easier than facing the guilt of living and the potential fear of finding solace in the other.

Overall, I think they're over-aware of each others' feelings of guilt too... and it magnifies their own respective guilt. They try to soothe the other's guilt because they want better for the other. BUT they also empathize with and shoulder each other's guilt, too. It’s a friggin mess. But survival wasn’t a simple choice they made; it was simply what happened. And embracing love doesn’t erase their losses—it honors them, proving those sacrifices weren’t meaningless. They both struggle to learn that happiness isn’t earned; it’s something they’re allowed, even with the weight they carry.

...

EDIT: Maybe Dean and Cas begin to realize their love isn’t just the quiet camaraderie or distant longing that can be kept contentedly at arm's length. It’s something deeper, more immediate, like learning to live together, sharing meals and quiet moments in a way they’ve never dared before. And so... They try to find a way to be close without fully giving in—coming up with a balance that lets them be near each other without facing the guilt of overindulgence. But it’s hard, because the love between them is powerful, the kind of love that feels almost selfish, like something they’ve never allowed themselves to need before. And maybe, the closer they get, the harder it becomes to deny the weight of it, and the fear creeps in—that to fully embrace it would be the most selfish thing either of them has ever done. ... Musings: For Dean, this love with Cas is complicated. It’s not a relationship where he can control the coming and going, or where he can hide behind the idea of being needed just enough to keep the distance he’s comfortable with. It’s a terrifying leap into something that doesn’t fit his usual rules, a vulnerability he’s never been willing to face before—a vulnerability marked by needing someone so badly. it's surrender, acceptance, and forgiveness. For Cas, it’s equally daunting, though in a different way. This love isn’t about duty or obligation—it’s about wanting, about being seen for who he truly is, flaws and all. It’s a surrender he’s never fully allowed, a willingness to be vulnerable in ways he doesn’t know if he can handle. The fear for him lies in the unknown—letting go of the armor he’s carried for so long and trusting that this love, however powerful, won’t break him.

[deancasbigbang]

Title: Don't Call Me Angel

Author: butterflyslinky

Artist: Diminuel

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester, Brief Dean/Benny Lafitte, Mentioned Dean/Lisa Braeden, Past Castiel/Lily Sunder, Past Castiel/Crowley, Mentioned Castiel/Unnamed Others, Mentioned Dean/Ash, Mentioned Dean/Lee Webb

Length: 51170

Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence, Discussion of Murder and Suicide, Minor Character Death, Mentioned Dubious Consent

Tags: HunterCorp AU, Female!Castiel, Mark of Cain, Series Rewrite

Posting Date: October 2, 2023

Summary: On his first solo case for HunterCorps, Dean runs into a freelancer known as Cass Teyal. Dean quickly falls for her, and soon finds himself embroiled in two much bigger cases: preventing the Apocalypse, and figuring out exactly what Cass is hiding.

Excerpt: The cemetery was, as expected, dark, creepy, and full of dead stuff. Dean walked through it, looking at every grave for disturbances. So far, all of them seemed fairly normal, but Dean knew better than to think that meant anything. He headed for the crypt. If this was a ghoul, that would be a good place to look. The door was open when Dean reached it. He groaned and headed inside. “Cass?” “Wondered when you’d show.” She was standing toward the back, apparently looking around, though she didn’t have any sort of light. Dean shown his flashlight at the wall, searching for any irregularities. “You’re going to have to be faster if you want to compete.” “You’ve been drinking,” Dean protested weakly. “You shouldn’t be out here.” “I’m not even slightly intoxicated. I was just waiting for it to get dark.” She looked him up and down again. “See you stopped to change out of the pretty clothes.” “Hunting is messy.” “Hm.” She kept staring at him, her gaze piercing. “You know my name, pretty boy…what’s yours?” “Dean,” Dean said distractedly. “Got scratches here.” He shone his light on the spot. “Yes, I spotted them…nothing behind there. Dean who?” “Dean Winchester…where is it, then?” “Probably stalking out another victim in whatever skin it’s wearing. You’re John’s son.” “Yeah…you know him?” “He keeps trying to recruit me. But I work alone, and not for money. Come on.” Dean blinked, but followed Cass out of the crypt. She walked through the cemetery with a steady, long stride, not even looking back to make sure he was following. “Wait!” Dean jogged and caught up to her, his confusion evident. “You’re sure it’s not in there?” “Very. This is a shapeshifter, not a ghoul. Which means it probably set up somewhere more comfortable.” “How do you know?” “I looked at the victims. No bites, just slices. The cemetery’s just a dumping ground. Very considerate, actually.” “Considerate?!” “Well, it’s putting them where they’d end up eventually. It seems better than dumping them in alleys like most monsters.” “No, Cass, better would be not murdering people!” “Obviously. But if you must be killing people, the least you can do is make clean-up easier.” “Right.” Dean shook his head a bit. “So where are we going?” “Somewhere we can look at a map. I want to triangulate where the victims lived.” “Okay…we can go to my suite, it’s got a big table.” Cass looked amused. “Why, Mr. Winchester, are you inviting me up to your room?” “For the case. If you won’t back off, we’ll have to work together, and I’m going to wring as many billable hours out of it as I can.” “You do that, pretty boy…lead the way.”

DCBB 2023 Posting Schedule

[adidegmez]

spn s8 spoilers

s8 ep1(we need to talk about kevin)

another year has passed. cas really left dean alone, huh? sam why didnt you look for dean? dean knows how to hide pain. like, he was in hell for 40 years they mentioned it 2 or 3 times and we didnt talk about it. he was in purgatory. I am waiting with curiosity and fear to see what else will happen to him. i love kevin. I'm eager to learn more about Benny.

s8 ep2(what's up, tiger mommy?)

i loved kevin's mom. i need cas to come back and team free will to be together.

s8 ep3(heartache)

i really want winchesters to be happy but i dont think they can be fully happy. they have their little happiness. there will always be something missing.

s8 ep4(bitten)

wow. i liked kate's speech at the end. Dean doesn't contradict himself. When Dean killed Amy, my thoughts about him started to collapse. Then I thought about it and I think I understand Dean's perspective on monsters well now. And Dean still hasn't contradicted this point of view. Dean's point of view: If the monster has killed people, there is no return, but if it hasn't killed anyone yet, then there is a possibility of return. and I understand and love that perspective.

s8 ep5(blood brother)

dean's flasback scenes reminds me of arrow oliver queen's flashback scenes. vampirates, i love how dean's face and how much he's proud of that name when he suggests new species a name. i love benny. well, Benny seems to be the exception to Dean's rule, but again benny is not the same as Amy. Amy would kill again for her son, but Benny hasn't killed for a while and I don't think he will. Dean believes in Benny and I believe in Dean. so i hope benny wont fail us.

s8 ep6(southern comfort)

but really sam turned his phone for a year. no one can be bobby! dean trusted sam and cas, and they both failed dean. benny didnt betray dean, yet. there is not so many people dean can trust. well Dean has no one he can trust(not anymore).

s8 ep7(a little slice of kevin)

cas! of course dean feel guilty.

s8 ep8(hunteri heroici)

hunter cas, awesome. team free will they are all funny. seeing them smile is amazing. things are easy when they have an angel on the team.

s8 ep9(citizen fang)

i love benny. call dean, benny. sam if you try to do something to benny… benny is a good guy. they shouldnt push his limits. i hope benny will be okay. i dont know why but i couldnt like sam's flashback scenes. sam just gave up on dean and chose amelia. dean has every right to defend benny and be mad at sam.

s8 ep10(torn and frayed)

I wish Jess could come again. sam and jess were perfect together. i dont like him with amelia. she is married. i love kevin. cas why did you just do that?! why didnt you go to benny dean?

s8 ep11(LARP and the real girl)

hi Charlie! dean is a fanboy i really love him. armor suits dean(as always).

s8 ep12(as time goes by)

men of letters i was curious about them. i loved henry. and i still love john.

s8 ep13(everybody hates hitler)

i love mystery. i love when they say supernatural on the Show.

s8 ep14(trial and error)

they have a home. dean has a room. and i liked clark kent dean. dean has no hope for his future. this breaks my heart. i need dean to be happy. and sam, and cas.

s8 ep15(man's best friend with benefits)

so what happened to anti-christ and adam? they'll return, right? sam is not good. but its nice to see dean trusting sam again.

s8 ep16(remember the titans)

i hate Zeus(i knew him from pjo) so i like prometheus. i hate Zeus in every universe. really, where is cas? i miss him. i love big brother dean. he really loves sam. he may love him more than anything in the world. dean dean dean… i love him.

s8 ep17(goodbye, stranger)

dean is cas' weak spot. i hope he can turn cas back to normal. i'm glad i now can understand star wars references. i think, i like meg. meg loves cas. where is cas going? its funny to see him on the bus.

s8 ep18(freaks and geeks)

i like victor's vision. i love the gang. and of course, dean showed them the way. and they actually listened. i have hope.

s8 ep19(taxi driver)

i never thought we would see bobby again. hi bobby. i missed bobby. i love benny. i saw a spoiler before watching this ep it said that dean killed benny to save sam and i assumed benny would kill people and tries to kill sam but no. he saved bobby he saved sam. and sacrificed himself and thanks to him winchesters will save the world. rip benny. i love benny. he is my favorite vampire.(i dont know much vampire but still no one can surpass him). i shouldn't like crowley BUT he was played by David tennant in good omens and he was a good guy there and he is played by mark sheppard. and he sometimes does good things. idk.

s8 ep20(pac-man fever)

wow. sam is not good. hi Charlie. i love Charlie and dean's relationship. winchesters kinda have a sister now. and i love her.

s8 ep21(the great escapist)

i knew something was wrong. i hope they can save kevin. hi cas:) . i love kevin.

s8 ep22(clip show)

i like metatron. Why did they choose the hardest person to cure? i liked sarah. crowley is right. the people they save keep them going.

s8 ep23(sacrifice)

i love supernatural so much. 7 seasons left. i love dean i love sam i love cas i just love them so much. i am glad we get to spend so much time with them.

is meatron bad. i have a bad feeling about what he's doing with cas. i never thought they would cure Crowley. when will god come? i want to cry. everything goes wrong in the last minute, always. angel are falling… i saw that scene in an edit with skyfall and it was beautiful and tragic. is crowley fully cured? i don't think so but he changed a little bit.

[my-supernatural-rewatch]

Episode 10: Asylum

Dean Winchester in the Supernatural episode Asylum

Another episode where I kind of forgot that I had seen it until I got a good 15 minutes into it.

Dean and Sam investigate an abandoned insane asylum that might be causing people to go insane when a police officer who went inside kills his wife and then himself.

Two cops go into an abandoned insane asylum looking for whoever broke in and one of them says "Let's split up." Nothing good ever happens after someone says "Let's split up." (this will also come back to us later in the episode.) Ironically, the dude who says "Let's split up" isn't the dude who ends up dead.

So off-screen, some time between this and the last episode, Dean told Sam that he called John and that John never responded. So now Sam is worried that John could be dead (because that's what a normal person would think if their own fucking father didn't respond to a teary phone call from their brother) and Dean snaps, insisting he isn't dead. Which is when Sam drops a truth bomb on Dean, "What? He's hiding? He's busy?"

No shit, Sam...he's an asshole.

So John texts Dean coordinates...no hi. No how's Sam doing? Not a fucking thing but coordinates. And Deans' thrilled and Sam's annoyed.

It is not often I side with Sam but in this episode there is a big part of me siding with him about John.

Our currently ever optimistic Dean (when it comes to John, anyway) is hopeful that if they go to Rockford, Illinois (where the coordinates are) - John will be there. Sam knows this is most likely bullshit and really doesn't want to drag his ass to Illinois.

"If he wants us there, it's good enough for me!" I don't have to tell you who said that, right? Then when Sam pushes back, Dean comes up with:

"Dad's telling us to go somewhere; we're going!"

Sam is not happy but, you know, Dean has the car keys so what choice does he have?

And here we have another episode where Dean spends a bit of time making fun of Sam's newfound psychic abilities. This will never, ever make sense to me. They hunt the fucking supernatural. Dean should be excited about this new aspect of this brother's personality and be trying to use it to, you know, do their fucking job.

When they've been in Illinois long enough to realize that John isn't going to be there, Sam wants to discuss it. Predictably, Dean doesn't.

Dean's response to Sam's attitude about John made me laugh, even if I don't think it's true:

"That's why I always got the extra cookie."

For fuck's sake, Dean, we come to find out there wasn't even any extra cereal, let alone cookies. Get this man a psychologist please.

More sibling squabbling leading to Sam asking the question on all of our minds:

"So, what? We gotta always follow Dad's orders?"

Guess what Dean says? GUESS????

"Of course we do."

Oh Dean. OH Dean. You break my little heart.

Sam talks to a psychiatrist as a patient because he's the son of the psychiatrist who worked at the abandoned insane asylum and he's trying to get info out of him. He gives him pieces of the truth: his real name and the fact that he's on a 'road trip' with his brother. Leading the doctor to ask the question we'd all like to hear the answer to:

"This brother you're road tripping with. How do you feel about him?"

But guess what? They cut away from Sam's serious look just before he responds so we don't know what he said. But we do know he spent a LOT of time in the doctor's office because when he finally comes out the first thing Dean says is:

"Dude, you were in there forever. What the hell were you talking about?"

Yeah, Sam. What?

One note about earlier in the episode. Sam and Dean got to a bar to talk to the cop who uttered the "Let's split up" line before his partner went nuts. Dean pretends to be a reporter and Sam comes in and pushes him around for bothering the cop so Sam can gain the cop's trust and get info from him.

When it's all said and done, we get this interaction with the brothers:

Dean: Shoved me kinda hard in there, buddy boy. Sam: I had to sell it, didn't I? It's method acting. Dean: Huh? Sam: Never mind.

Now first off, no way does Dean NOT know what method acting is. He's too much of a pop culture fiend to not know. But let's forget them making Dean dumb AGAIN for a moment. Sam shoved Dean hard on purpose. Sam has a hate boner for Dean in this episode that I guess is due to Dean's loyalty to John...I don't know, this is Supernatural, nothing is ever that obvious...but the shove, and then him talking to the psychiatrist about Dean...and then what comes up very soon at the asylum...for the one that got away from the family and the abusive father, Sam has a complex about Dean as if Dean was the one who had it better and that annoys the shit out of me.

Back on track:

This is another episode that was shot very dark for a lot of scenes. Note to cinematographer's: I don't need to SEE the darkness to know the episode is dark.

Also, quite random, one of the two people in the asylum when Dean and Sam get there is named Gavin. I get that there are over 300 episodes of this show but there are so many more names to use - why does this show repurpose names so often? (The woman's name is Kat...which I can't remember off the top of my head, but I'm sure we got another Kat at some point too.)

When they figure out who the spirit is, Dean opens up with a little honesty:

"The only thing that makes me more nervous than a pissed off spirit, is the pissed off spirit of a psycho killer."

Word, Dean.

When it comes time to search the asylum, Dean says the dreaded words: "I guess we're gonna split up then." And, just like at the beginning of the episode, the one who decides to split up isn't the one the spirit goes after.

Dean takes Kat with him while Sam goes it alone. Unlike most of the previous eps where Dean figures out the big THING, Sam is the one who figures out that the ghosts that keep going after them aren't the violent spirit but are trying to tell them something. When Dean loses Kat to the ghost, Sam is the one to convince her to listen to the ghost. She does...and they figure out where they have to go.

More angry Sam: He tells Kat and Gavin that hunting ghosts is basically their job and when Kat asks if Dean is his boss he responds with an angry and curt, NO. No "We're brothers." Just NO. Sam is pissy today.

So they discover that basically the spirit of the psychiatrist was trying to work on aggressive behaviors and instead of helping the patients he made it much worse...and in death he was doing it to people like the cop at the beginning of the episode and now...Sam.

So Sam was angry all episode just so this could happen. Okay.

Without hesitation, when Dean figures out Sam isn't right, Sam shoots Dean right in the chest with the shotgun full of rock salt. Doesn't fucking hesitate.

Before he does, though, and before Dean figures out something isn't right, Dean tells him to put the shotgun down and when Sam asks if that's an order and Dean tells him it's a 'friendly request' Sam responds:

"’Cause I'm getting pretty tired of taking your orders."

And then after he shoots Dean, we get this scene:

Dean: We gotta burn Ellicott's bones and all this will be over, and you'll be back to normal.

Sam: I am normal. I'm just telling the truth for the first time. I mean, why are we even here? ’Cause you're following Dad's orders like a good little solider? Because you always do what he says without question? Are you that desperate for his approval?

Dean: This isn't you talking, Sam.

Sam: That's the difference between you and me. I have a mind of my own. I'm not pathetic, like you.

Dean: So what are you gonna do, huh? Are you gonna kill me?

Sam: You know what, I am sick of doing what you tell me to do. We're no closer to finding Dad today than we were six months ago.

Dean: Well, then here. Let me make it easier for you. (He holds a pistol out to Sam.) Come on. Take it. Real bullets are gonna work a hell of a lot better than rock salt. Take it!! (Sam takes it and points it at Dean) You hate me that much? You think you could kill your own brother? Then go ahead. Pull the trigger. Do it!

Sam pulls the freaking trigger but nothing happens. There are no bullets. He pulls the trigger two more time and Dean is finally done. He punches Sam dead in the face.

Dean: Man, I'm not going to give you a loaded pistol.

Now, point to Dean for knowing Sam isn't really Sam here and not just killing his ass. But don't tell me there isn't a lot of truth to what Sam said under this influence. I don't think he wanted to KILL Dean, that was definitely the psychiatrist/spirit but he was already exhibiting all that anger toward Dean before the spirit got to him and this was his opportunity to dump it all back on Dean.

So Dean finds the bones of the doctor because of course he does...and after the doctor's spirit makes it difficult, he still finds his Zippo and burns the bones...yay Dean!

When the bones are burned and Sam is back to being Sam, he apologizes to Dean for the things he said. Dean seems a little surprised that Sam remembers what he said (another clue to me that Dean thinks like I do and that Sam really meant what he said).

Sam tells him he didn't mean any of it...and Dean is obviously not buying it - but he doesn't want to talk about it:

"I'm not really in the sharing and caring kind of mood."

Now in a perfect world, that's how the episode ends. Dean pissed and Sam worried about how much he pissed Dean off. But no...we can't have nice things. Instead we get Sam and Dean sleeping in a motel room and Dean's phone ringing. For whatever reason, Dean sleeps through it and Sam answers it.

Guess who finally remembered he had sons?

Some notes for posterity:

Only one song in this ep. Is that right? Okay. Bachman Turner Overdrive's Hey You.

Dean tells the dead cop's partner that he's Nigel Tufnel from the Chicago Tribune. Sam tells the psychiatrist his real, full name.

Movie References: Dean brings up The Shining again and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest while doing a pretty decent Jack Nicholson impression. He mentions Yoda, Haley Joel Osment, Patricia Arquette and Jennifer Love Hewitt (the latter two both played psychics on television shows) and the Nigel Tufnel reference comes from This is Spinal Tap.

This hunt takes place in Rockford, Illinois.

Dean uses a lighter to burn the bones of the psychiatrist.

[secondhandroad]

happy wincest wednesday! how do you think john would react to a sam/dean relationship? is he more of a "i'll pretend i didn't see anything," "i think this is for the best, since now you'll try to protect each other more," or "this is so fucked, i'm separating you" kind of guy? love to hear your thoughts! :) -lizzy

In season 14, John looks at his fucked up killing machine son, Dean Winchester, and is like “but :( I wanted you to get out…”. He says that to DEAN. This is, in his mind, after Mary, after fourteen-plus years on the road, after Sam going to Stanford and getting disowned for it. And he’s still telling himself dean is gonna get out some day.

This leads to my conclusion that the only way John can cope with what he’s done to his boys is deep, deep denial. He truly believes this is still temporary. They’re gonna kill that yellow eyed son-of-a-bitch and then go back to normal, like Mary would’ve wanted. He has the faith—that’s half of why he’s so mad that Sam leaves, because Sam clearly doesn’t believe that John can do it, that John can still slay the bad guy and return the family unit to safety.

So when he sees evidence that his boys are that fucked up by what he's done? That they're that codependent, that deeply enmeshed, that out of society? Yeah, it hits him hard. Because he let them get that twisted.

But like early seasons Sam and late seasons Dean, John turns his guilt to anger so he can live with it. It takes two seconds flat. And I think the focus of his anger is Dean. Dean's the oldest, but more than that, he's supposed to be John's second in command.

Dean's number one job is supposed to be protecting Sam. His number two job is to steer his poor fucked-up maybe-demon-tainted baby Sam right. He's supposed to make Sam train and fight off his bullies and make sure he knows monster from victim and take him to school and wake him up from nightmares. And he does this?

So yeah. I think John is devastated and furious and heartbroken, but the boys just get the furious. I don't think he's capable of separating them, assuming we're pre-Stanford, and therefore letting someone else raise one of his boys. But I do think he keeps Dean with him on jobs and leaves Sam back, and gets two hotel rooms when they're altogether (Sam and John in one, Dean in the other). And I think he tries not to think about Mary.

[rosemariad]

SUPERNATURAL SEASON 15 - final season - bitter end part 2

See p1 here | https://www.tumblr.com/rosemariad/761290454081929216/supernatural-season-15-final-season-part-1-i

OH MY LORD – FINALLY – a FUCKING APOLOGY, from Dean. Winchester.

And it happened in purgaytory 😉 lol. Moment of silence for dead Benny :/

I wish we could've gotten a shot of Cas listening to him. We've always seen Dean pray to Cas but we never see Cas hear them on his end, like when Jack was hearing Sam's prayer. I think that would've been dope as fuck to see Castiel's reaction. When Cas & Dean finally do catch up to one another, Cas seems so...reserved. I feel like He knew DAMN well (like 90%) what Dean might say (or maybe he's so in denial about the possibility that Dean could return his affections in that way)

How are we almost halfway to the end and this is the first time we’ve seen Jack at all during this FINAL season? You introduce him in episode 12.23, you kill him (twice) and we don’t even get to see how he’s doing? We know he’s in the empty from 14x20’s closing montage.

15x10 was a pretty decent episode since we got to see Garth again ☺️ & he's settled into the domestic life with his wife Bessie - they had twins and a older daughter & neither child is named after Dean (🤣 Serves him right these days, since he's being such a douche!) wonder why Garth chose to name his baby after Cas though…did they ever interact? I don't recall…Watching Sam meet baby Sam is precious

(also how wild is it that the Garth & Benny actors are a married couple now? SPN man, they should've had a dating show given how many relationships came outta 1 production that lasted 15 yrs!)

Watching Sam sniff and cough & sneeze post-COVID is wild!

Taking on that giant monster was Hilarious - this was what SPN was missing - definitely peak content! Look at those hunter guys get reduced to regular chumps 🤣 fantastic!

Was Dean scared of the dentist? Had he ever BEEN to a dentist? Wow John, you couldn't take your son to a damn dentist - with all the junk food that boy eats? Even so, you want him running around without teeth?

Watching Sam writhe around with some cure all Bessie learned from her dad (he's dead I guess?) was equally hilarious!

WTF was with Dean's hallucination? These writers are trippin - out of all the things you could've done, you make Dean & Garth tap dance? What was the point? And some oldies shit? Sure Dean would've been exposed to reruns of the good ol' days but that’s never really been his interest before? And the lamp at the end? TF? I've read some posts about what others thinking it all means but I say the artistic direction is wack. But all aside the dentist Garth bit is awesome!

Garth couldn't have said it better - being the hero/protagonist is a drag - more so for comic book heroes cuz of the tragic backstory but in the Winchesters' case - it suuuuuuuuuucks.

I'm all for some Winchester humble pie. SPN should be normal people problems show mixed with cooky supernatural shenanigans. It would never get old 😂

Dean why did you think you could gobble down 7 grilled cheese sandwiches - all that dairy - oh man. So I guess that's normal for him…bad, real bad. Normal Dean would be dead in a week 🤣🤣

Anyway Garth swooping in to save the day for a change, is a welcome change ☺️ [is this the last time we'll see him in the show though? ��]

Interesting how they seem to keep switching back & forth between how hopeless the odds are in going against the big G.O.D. to no we're gonna find a way cuz we're the Winchesters & that’s what we do. Yeah okay 🤣

Jack's been hunting & eating Grigori hearts - damn. Not looking forward to why…

Meanwhile we get more backstory on all the other gods in human history through Fortuna, goddess of luck/fortune? Interesting, it seems like God allowed others to be worshipped so they could suffer the bad PR when things when wrong for people & they would get the blame (pretty sure plenty people still blame God for bad stuff all the time — like Dean 😅).

Good for Sam fighting for those people stuck under Fortuna's thumb. Small victories though…

Kaia survived, but I know we'll never see her again now. No reunion w/ Claire, or the others…wah 😔 meanwhile Alt!Kaia is definitely dead, we saw her face her end - way to take out that plot device writers 🙄

Dean seems pretty gung-ho on taking out God & Amara - buddy I know you feel helpless but there is no cosmic entity that is gonna be on your side all the time. The control freak inside him is going rabid y'all he's convinced that it’s the only way out but neglects to answer the question - if God (and Amara - cold by the way - is he punishing her for Mary? Amara was the one who brought her back in the first place) is taken out, what happens to the universe?

Jack is still giving me those intern vibes - Cas WTF were you thinking? I know you didn't forget about that deal…but damn if he ain't a team player, always willing to risk it all to help his precious Dean bean & the baby bro Sam.

I love how the brothers took Jo/Anael at her word - like really? There was no other way to investigate the veracity of her story than by simply going to hell? Really? Also they couldn't squeeze in Rowena for 1 final appearance? Boo!

And what was Anael's last line about? What friends could she possibly be talking about? Did God have her set this up? Lead the guys on a wild goose chase to waste time? Who fucking knows anymore, but I guess it doesn't matter as this is technically Anael (& Ruby's) final scene in the show.

Ruby you're screwed - there's no way she got out and no way to know - anyway onto the plot!

Look at this family shot - precious!

So between this episode & 12x07 Sam's superpower is handling doors - keeps them open when he needs to & closed when he has to. Sam, keeper of the doors!

The Empty & Death Billie teamed up? Oh shit, that's gonna backfire fast!

Classic Dean Winchester move to call your beloved an idiot when you almost lost him….again. I can't keep track of the various close calls this angel had over the years.

Best gem of 15x13 - the Alternate Sam & Dean - affluent dudes who were raised by a successful business savvy John Winchester who raised his sons with a modicum of respect & some fashion sense it seems all the while building a supernatural hunting empire spanning the entire globe (damn). And at the end they went to Brazil? So canonically there's 2 sets of Sams & Deans running around - too bad nothing else will come out of that…they should've stolen the Impala - that shit would've been hilarious.

After all these years we finally got to see THE Garden of Eden. It would've been cool to see it sooner in the show but oh well. The trip seems to have given Jack the ability to feel again, get his soul back. And he is wracked with guilt over Mary as if we didn’t have enough of that to deal with…

The words you're looking for guys is I FORGIVE YOU! Like he's a kid, it was an accident & he's clearly fucking sorry for it, the guilt is tearing him apart, you're not blind you can see it but God forbid either Winchester just says the magic words.

Now Mrs. Butters - I'm not cool with that shit at all. I peeped immediately based on the 1st scene that she wasn't there willingly. Why would she? She's a fucking wood nymph and while there's a bunch of trees outside, the bunker sure as shit ain't no forest. Someone forced her to work in that bunker & the fact that imagery of Cuthbert Sinclair keeps coming up confirms it.

She was probably their slave - that's so fucked. And Sinclair tortured her into obedience. That poor creature…she deserved so much better. shame on Sam & Dean for using that poor woman - you can't find the time to cook & clean up after yourselves? - I know Dean is good at it. But no, SPN had to set women back decades and force Mrs. Butters into waiting on them hand and foot. Shame, damn shame. Thankfully they eventually let her go, but only cuz Jack's life was in jeopardy and god forbid the Winchesters lose their handy ace in the hole when their maid/slave gets murderous. Really Dean, ‘just start over’?!, she threatened your kid you dumbass, do you really want someone to take care of you that fucking bad? WTF?!?!

All those feasts & Cas never showed up once -- bullshit!!!! Bullshit I say!

Apparently when Cas does eventually return to the screen & wraps up some trouble w/ Jack (aww he wanted to wear matching ties! And he has a teddy bear? Did Cas give him one? He gave one to Claire a couple of seasons ago) jack spills that he's meant to die & sacrifice himself to take out God & Amara. I know you're not on board Cas but speak up. Why is everyone so afraid to stand up to Dean Jesus Christ. He's just a man, sure he'll punch you but that just means you hit back or you know, don't let him punch you!

We get 1 final glimpse into Sam & Dean's childhood. Pro tip Dean: if you want your baby bro to stick around, don't ridicule his goals or call him stupid. Just a thought (I know he's a kid himself but that's what I would've said to the kid) but hey ultimately none of it matters right, jeez 😒

The lady lied to the brothers to get them to show up, did you ever think to incentivize them with money? It wouldn't take much, they probably wouldn't even take it or you know just tell them the truth, they're hunters it's what they do.

It's the baba yaga? It almost got to Dean but thankfully Sam was conveniently there to break the spell or whatever was gonna try to make Dean kill himself. The vic, Travis, apparently had the entity's ring all this time so it's back for revenge? And to eat ofc it's hungry. Too bad she failed cuz she's dead as one of the final MOTW ever on SPN. And just when we thought Dean made progress he ruins it by being supremely committed to Billie's plan -- cuz God forbid Sam bring up ethical questions into plotting someone's murder Dean, even if it is about cosmic entities and you know, your kid, Jack. Will the real Dean Winchester stand up cuz I think he wouldn't do this under any other circumstances. If I were Sam I would've jumped out of that car in pure disgust. Sam seemed inclined to do that.

Anyway the Jack suicide bomb plan ultimately didn't matter either cuz Amara ends up siding w/ Chuck after he makes her see that Dean was actually planning on killing her along w/ her brother.

Side bar - I love how she just had a whole season's long vacation just enjoying what the planet had to offer before her end. Can't say she didn't try to work things out - with the Winchesters or God. But hey, I know what's up - it's all about the men in this show 🙄

Saying Jack's not family - how fucking dare you! but also another example of inconsistent behavior from Dean - 1 minute he's concerned, the next he's dismissive & neglectful, then the next he cares (emotional whiplash), then he sees Jack as nothing more than a loose-end for fuck's sake Dean pick a lane & make up your damn mind, fuck!

Anyways, Sam should've smacked the shit outta Dean. He deserves it. But I get it Dean, you can't live w/o Sam or Cas but watching Jack die is no big since he took your mommy away, whatever asshole. Then he feels bad, but I feel it's only cuz he can't sit pretty on his high horse knowing the kid heard how little Dean cares for him right now.

Why did Sam & Cas let Jack run off w/ Dean? I sure wouldn't have 😡.

So because Billie's plan went tits up (big surprise there & really Billie you were expecting them not to fuck up, really?) God escaped & in the next, infamous episode of 15x18 people start getting Thanos'd. Endgamed. Disappeared.

Alt!Charlie & her girlfriend Stevie - gone. Eileen, Sam's current GF, gone. Alt!Bobby, gone. The other folks from Apocalypse World - gone.

But Donna gets got too - because Sam & Dean intervened all the way back in her premiere episode (was that season 8? I forget). Did everyone just get disappeared - like everyone Sam, Dean & John saved (that's my headcanon anyhow)? But it doesn’t even stop there…

Hold up - wait a minute - I’m gonna talk about the Destiel moment in 15x18 but I’m gonna save it for a separate post cuz I got to get all that stuff off my chest…https://www.tumblr.com/rosemariad/761296693532803072/the-bitter-end-spn-15x18-despair-about-that

Anywho:

Everyone gets disappeared. I see they were inspired by that Avengers movie 😅 I wonder if they went through the same experience the Marvel folk did canonically…(its that no one remembers what happened to them if they got blipped right?)

15x19 felt so rushed to me did anyone else feel that way?

Jack asks what happened to Cas (RIP you beautiful angel 😭) but Dean just offers a simple explanation. After countless days of misery and drinking, Jack prompts the brothers to drive around and Dean finds a dog only to have it disappear like everyone else - there's no way Chuck missed the dog, he just wanted Dean to bond with her so he could feel her loss too. Damn. So vengeful.

The Winchesters say they surrender but at this point I wouldn't believe them and apparently it was all part of their master plan. They ran into Michael (who's lost Adam at this point RIP Adam, again) and Dean calls Michael out as a daddy's boy but you would know wouldn't you Dean 🤣 game recognize game

When Dean got that phone call & ran up those steps, oh Dean you poor miserable bastard.

The devil, conveniently back from the void from whence he came, scrounges up a reaper - why are there reapers at this point (isn’t everyone gone anyways?) was she brought from the Empty? Kill her so she can be Death # 3 and open up the mysterious book that describes God's imminent demise but the devil killed her one more time before she could finish cuz he's God's favorite now (so he says Chuck says 🙄) pissing off Michael but as the brothers explained later this would all work in their favor but RIP Jessica - last female figure to be killed off on SPN? She basically died for nothing as Sam & dean came up w/ a new plan.

While the archangels squab, Michael gets the upper hand and finally kills Lucifer (so how was this fight going to devastate the planet cuz the bunker didn't even get messed up or nothing - very underwhelming since this is technically the last we’ll see of the devil in the show) & later Michael snitches to God when everyone drives out to summon Chuck to try killing him off once and for all. Then Michael dies cuz God is tired of him I guess (sure he said it’s cuz Michael dique betrayed him but I mean do you even care about that?) sucks for Mike I guess 🤷🏽‍♀️

All the celestial fighting was apparently powering up Jack after he juiced himself up for that bomb & couldn't kill off God sooner. by the end of the episode Jack siphons the remaining energy out of Chuck and instead of squashing him like a bug they all just decide to walk away, leaving Chuck Shurley a mortal, ordinary man to die off on his own (omg the way he squealed as he ditched him, geez 🤦🏾‍♀️).

This is why you should've just destroyed them Chuck! You'd think he'd know better than to savor their doom. Tsk tsk.

I would've shot him, burned him and had Jack disintegrate the ashes to nothing. But fuck being thorough I guess 🤣

Jack brings everyone back & leaves the brothers (I would've done the same, fuck those Winchesters, Sam's alright but Dean is just ugh at this point) & Aside from Rowena I can't think of anyone else who ends up with a win like Jack. He was born the Nephilim of Lucifer but ended up becoming a noble God.

I also gotta vent about that last episode - https://www.tumblr.com/rosemariad/761299089485889536/supernatural-season-15-the-bitter-end-series

[inkedmyths]

S1: E22 "Devil's Trap"

Brought to you by hey so each and every one of you who made me watch this. You all suck. This is the worst. I hate it here. What sort of BULLSHIT was that—

This episode featuring: Odd interrogation techniques, family dynamics, bodysnatching, and one deeply upset Ink

Banging opening music

I will not fall doooown... when push comes to shove I will rise above... jammin

Here we fuckin go the boys are off to save or avenge their dad

[ Kayla asks if one of the opening montages has used Carry On My Wayward Son. I said no, because I would definitely remember that. ]

Where are we

What the dog doin

Holy water and whiskey. Mood.

Oh this be Bobby

[ Kayla and Crepe cheer. They love Bobby. ]

SCREAMS. JOHN JUST HAS THAT AFFECT ON PEOPLE (referring to when he threatened to shoot John) oh I like him already

Satanic Roach Hotel

Ohh. Bad year. Most years 4 possessions, but this one had at least 27...... well thats rough

UH OH

MEG

DEAN

Fuck off Meg

"Chuckleheads" GREAT word use Meg

GOTTEM

Okaaaay interrogation time

"Where's our father, Meg"

"You didn’t ask very nice"

"Where's our father, bitch"

Goddammit whys he so funny

Oh shes posessed

I dunno about innocent

Oh good news bc it means they can yeet the demon, yea?

"Hit it Sam" (begins praying)

[ Winchesters latest hit single in Christian Rap sweeps midwestern protestant congregations as a big hit! ]

Dean buddyyyy

Uh getting spookyyyyy

This is wild. Interrogation via exorcism

What the fuck are u gonna do here like what do u do

Shes dead but not but whats up

UHHHH WELL THATS FUCKING. SOMETHING

Hello ma'am

That sucks ass. Being exorcised certainly doesn't seem fun, esp when you got dropped from a building

A year............ bro.......

Poor gal...

As I went down to the river....

Oh she gone.............

:(

:((

STOP ZOOMING IN ON HER DEAD FACE

"You guys think you invented lying to the cops?" lmao thanks bobby

"I won't even try to shoot him this time"

[ Crepe asks Kayla if Meg is the woman Bobby has buried in his garden or if that's someone else. Concerning. ]

SCREAMS hes making the car safe and Dean is like MY CAR

Dean just wants his family to stop being self sacrificing. Hypocrite

Sunrise Apartments!

Building full of human shields... thats a problem

Pull the fire alarm lol

Oh those people are SO posessed

Yep there he is, tied u— hm. I don't. Like that actually

"I've got a Yorkie upstairs, and he pees when he's nervous—" Dean for funniest liar

THEY STOLE THE FIREFIGHTERS FITS

Demon? Demön?

Holy water!!

Hes still breathing hes not dead yet

But he might be posessed

Oh just had to check

Uh oh someone else just got posessed

And another....

Aha... the colt

[ Kayla: Uhhh I'm here for the colt stuff - the Winchesters]

2 bullets left!

Alright. Now what

Fambily

Dean can and will kill for his family huh

Uh oh zappy lights

The demon's here!

Uh oh

Something is wrong

OH

OH SHIT

Sam going AAA

AUGH WHATS HAPPENING

I DONT KNOW

WHAT IS THISSSSS

Bullshit bullshit

Me: DEAN WAS RIGHT

Kayla: and why was he right :)

Me: Bc he would have been pissed :(

Kayla: and never proud :)

Kayla: (therapy voice) and how did that make you feel

Me: I hate it here

Kayla: elaborate on that

Me: I haaaate it here

Kayla: mhm mhm (writing stuff down)

"What are you and God going to do?" dammmn

Justice for WHAT

Oh so a demon cares about its family

Good for him but also you were already trying to kill them before??

Yeah? Why?

What's your angle here

Huhhhhh. What the fuck do you want with Sam

"I really can't stand all your monologuing"

Oooough hitting him where it hurts damn

OOOH DAMN DEAN THROWING SHADE BACK

How are u guys goimg to get out of this

Oh shit oh SHIT

AAAAAAAAA

OH THE LEG!! SMART!!!!!!

Oh fuck man

Bro it fucking leaving

Well this is an Awkward Family Ride

Kayla: awkward family ride abt to

TRUCK

What the fuck what the fuck

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

BRO WHAT

THATS IT FOR SEASON 1??

BULLSHIT

---

My so-called friends then proceeded to point, laugh, and heckle me for the next 10 minutes. This is bullshit I hope you know. Stupid goddamn cliffhangers stupid Winchesters and their STUPID FAMILY NONSENSE—

[mlobsters]

tw suicide

supernatural s8e19 taxi driver (w. eugenie ross-leming, brad buckner)

what is this music, are we in a police procedural??? daily gripe that this show would have been so much better with a different score

all right a lot happening here. bobby's in hell??? the trial requires getting an innocent soul out of hell into heaven, well gee. what a COINKYDINK. but sam's off to do the quest by himself, dean must be freakin out

"so this is hell?" sure looks like purgatory. but that made me realize i hadn't determined if sam remembers the cage at all since castiel took the hallucinations etc away. has the show said?

SAM Wait. So you're not coming with me? AJAY Don't be ridiculous. Smuggling a mortal across the border is risky enough. But gate-crashing a Winchester into Hell seriously blows.

cute way to put it

KEVIN Just tell me when this all ends, 'cause that's the only thing I want to hear. DEAN No, like I told you before, this isn't going to end. Look, man, other guys, they got it easy, you know? It's all backyard barbecues and... bowling teams, but you and me? We got to carry a little extra weight. KEVIN I can't take it. DEAN Yes, you can. Hey, look at me. Now, this whole thing sucks. I know. But you suck it up and you push through because that's what we do. And when you get on board with that, the ride is a lot smoother. French fry?

dean channeling john winchester. also reminds me when dean was breaking down in the hospital after castiel told him he had to stop the apocalypse

from s4e16 on the head of a pin: DEAN Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this? CASTIEL Yes. When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to hell and we fought our way to get to you before you— DEAN Jump-started the apocalypse. CASTIEL And we were too late. DEAN Why didn't you just leave me there, then? CASTIEL It's not blame that falls on you, Dean, it's fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it.

just made me think about sam being the righteous man that stopped it.. anyway, what i was originally thinking about in contrast was how it continues:

DEAN Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean? Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean! CASTIEL I don't know. DEAN Bull. CASTIEL I don't. Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you. DEAN Well, then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas. It's too big. Alastair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not—I'm not strong enough. Well, I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me.

thought of that because it's such a similar situation. but i mean dean has been on this ride so many times... just recent iteration with frank telling him he's killing himself the way he's working after bobby died, to be professional and smile through it and fake you're fine (coincidentally it was the krissy/baby teen wolf paige episode s7e11)

oh sam. my emotional state is doing the work here for being traumatizing for sam to be wandering in, because the looks and sounds of hell here are very... xena production quality, just a little darker. though if sam doesn't remember the cage anymore, maybe there's no trauma to be had!

also, why did he take off his watch and put it on the wall, the watch specifically seems like a bad thing to remove? and what's that about hell time being different, so dean's 4 months was 40 years boop boop does that mean sam's gotta stay down there 117 days for 24 hours to pass topside? or does that only apply to being tortured. too high to logic (or my pet theory did they make that time inflation just for more dean whump and promptly forgot about it)

CROWLEY Something is going on. My Hellhound has been killed. Winchester jumbo size is trying to break into the mother ship.

low hanging fruit but i laughed

they really lean into benny talking to dean like a boyfriend

BENNY So good to hear your voice, Dean. I mean that. DEAN How you been? BENNY Oh, you know... I get by. DEAN I guess I let you down, huh? BENNY Look, I'm, uh... I'm just happy as hell to hear from you.

poor benny. so what, dean's gonna ask him to die to go to purgatory, help sam and bobby, take a ride in sam's arm back to earth? lol

oh benny. agh. feelings!

BENNY Wow. When Dean Winchester asks for a favor, he's not screwing around. DEAN Benny, sending you back there is the last thing I ever wanted to do. BENNY I know. I know. DEAN But my little brother is stuck down there. BENNY This would be the little brother who wants to kill me, right? DEAN You got access to the place. BENNY By "access," you mean "getting beheaded"? DEAN Yeah, you're right – it's too much. It's not like I've exactly been there for you lately. [DEAN's voice shakes.]

oh no. benny's gettin the ellen/jo/meg treatment too now. no wonder he's bein so charming and sweet, dean's being vulnerable..

BENNY Oh, you don't owe me nothing. Truth is, uh... I could use a break from all this. DEAN It really been that tough? BENNY I'm not a good fit, Dean. Not with vampires and, for sure, not with the humans. I don't belong. And after a while... that starts to wear on you. Right? Cry me a river. Like you need to listen to this. DEAN Well, when you get back up here, we're gonna fix all that, okay? BENNY When I get back? DEAN Yeah, you find the portal, and your ride out of Purgatory with Sam just like you did with me, okay? As soon as I send you back, I'm gonna haul my ass up to Maine, and I'm gonna be waiting there for you when you get topside. BENNY Yeah. That sounds like a plan, chief. Let's get on with it.

ok but talking like that is very... suicidal sounding. and clearly setting up that he's not going to come back. don't like it

sitting here thinking i wasn't expecting to have a sobbing breakdown over benny, why is this so much worse than jo and ellen. and i think it's because like, what he said. about not fitting in with anyone, how it wears on you. those are real life things we (i) deal with. that may also include suicidal ideation. it's not blowing up hellhounds with your daughter who died before she could set it off. yeah the supernatural aspect is what's causing those feelings, but those are very real life feelings too.

to deflect from how i am feeling, something something literally killing your ex to get your brotherhusband back. this is fucking awful.

BOBBY Dean spent a year in this place? SAM Running and fighting, all day, every day. BOBBY Must have been hell on you not being able to get him out all that time. You did try? SAM Look, Bobby, Dean and I had an agreement, okay? BOBBY I know that agreement. I taught you that agreement. That's a non-agreement.

bobby agrees it's out of character

and now benny gets to tell him that he's staying, right. like in the abyss

the abyss (1989)

least we got a hug out of it, i guess

blegh

(i'm a big bag of trauma over someone real close to me that died by suicide, combined with my own depression issues and sometimes stuff like this is a stab in the gut of all that)

[abbatoirablaze]

At Death's Door, Chapter 1

Word Count:  1.5k

Warnings: foul language, character death, demons, manipulation.

“This isn’t right.  You know that it isn’t right,” I sighed, “please Azazel…don’t do this.”

He turned towards me, unsympathetic to my plights; the smallest of smirks widening his features, “you are asking me to go against your father’s orders, little one...”

“Guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” Lilith laughed, her own smirk perching itself on her face, “two rule breakers…like peas in a pod.”

I glared at her, “and how would my father like to hear you are talking about him like that?”

“He knows that I’m a true follower,” she said, returning my glare through the eyes of a child, “I can joke, but when the time comes…I know my role.  Just as you need to play yours, Dahlia.  You can’t continue to play guardian angel to them!”

“I’m not helping you,” I growled.  I turned to my father’s follower, his yellow eyes glimmering beneath the streetlight, “please, leave the Winchesters alone, Azazel.”

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to,” he replied, his wicked grin returning towards the home that was barely lit, “Mary gave me permission.  That’s not just anything a demon can get…she’s already allowed me this.  She invited me into her home.”

“She didn’t know,” I said, trying to defend her, “sh-“

“Enough,” he said firmly.  My breath caught in my throat as I looked at the demon, “If you aren’t going to help, that’s fine.  But stay out of my way.  I’m not going to return without completing my mission.”

“I won’t let you!“

“Won’t let him, huh?”  Lilith asked.  She snapped her fingers and I felt something constricting me.  I looked down to see a gold rope around me.  It glowed ever so slightly, “Why do you think he brought me along, little sister?”

“You are not my sister,” I seethed, trying to get out of the binding spell she had me under, “you’re nothing more than dirt under my shoe.”

“Same father,” she laughed, “Just because I didn’t come from that filthy huma-“

“That filthy human has been running hell in my father’s absence,” I growled, mocking her own words, “choose what you say next very wisely Lilith.  You know that my father doesn’t take kindly to anyone disrespecting my mother.”

She raised a brow at me, then turned to Azazel, “Persephone doesn’t scare me.  She’s bound.  Just as you are…now do your job and follow the rules, Dahlia.”

“This is your father’s wish.  We need the boy,” he said sadly, reaching up and touching my face, “I’m sorry, little one.”

“I’m going to kill you one day…the both of you.”

“Looking forward to it,” she smirked.  She snapped her fingers and suddenly we were in the house.  We were in the corner of the nursery.  Little Samuel Winchester had turned six months old today.  I swallowed hard, “I don’t want to watch this.  Bind me, but do not make me watch this!”

“You are on Earth,” she said, “We knew you would sense John is in trouble and come running to protect him.  You always have.  We are being cautious.  We had to bring you, in order to make sure you don’t mess it up.” 

 “Come on, lets say goodnight to your brother,” Mary smiled from the door, holding a four year old Dean.  She put him on the ground and he ran over to his six-month-old baby brother.

“Night Sam,” he said, kissing his forehead.  Mary joined him at the crib and put a hand over her son’s back. 

“Good night ,” she said, kissing him as well, “I love you, my sweet child!”

“Aww,” she hissed, “how cute.  Such a happy little family.”

“Hey Dean,” John said with a big grin.  Dean’s face lit up as he realized that his father was at the door, “What are you doing, champ?”  

“And look,” she grinned, “looks like fatherhood suits John rather well.”

I felt myself going pale.

“What, little sister.  I thought you would be happy to see him…feelings change?”

“Go to hell,” I growled.  She smirked, “you fucking cunt!”

“DADDY!” Dean exclaimed, running up to him.

“Hey buddy,” he laughed, picking him up, “What do you think?  Do you think Sammy’s ready to toss around a football yet?”

I watched John, half heart-broken, half happy for him.  He’d managed to live a normal life with Mary ever since Dean was born.  Sure, he wasn’t rich, and there were some issues with jobs, but they had managed to find a way…and Mary had left hunting behind her. I wanted to reach out and touch him.  I wanted desperately to warn him what was going to be unfolding so he and his family could run. 

“No daddy,” he laughed, “Sammy is too small!”

“No?” he asked teasingly, tousling Dean’s hair, “you think so?”

“You got him?” Mary asked.

John nodded, “I got him.”  Dean leaned into his father, hugging him, as Mary left the room, “Sweet dreams, Sam.” 

The baby cooed as John turned off the lights and left to tuck Dean in.    Lilith let go of me and she watched Sam, “it’s funny…these meat suits.  Why do you care about them so much?”

“Call it a character defect,” I said, looking at the door, “I don’t care…” 

“You can watch him…he won’t be able to see you.  I made sure you are wearing Hannah’s reaper ring before I bound you.  You can’t take it off.”

I didn’t bother to respond.  I looked at my cousin’s ring that she’d left in my possession.  She’d agreed to be reborn as a human and placed in the care of Bobby Singer.  I’d agreed to do her bidding until she was re-awakened. 

I went over to the bedroom to see John finishing tucking Dean in for bed.  He ruffled his hair and turned the lights off.  Mary walked past me, kissed Dean, and then John, before going to bed.  I followed John downstairs where he began watching an old war movie.  John fell asleep, and I put one of the blankets over him, kissing the top of his head.    

“I miss you John,” I whispered into his hear.  He shifted slightly but nestled closer into the recliner.  I sat down on the couch watching him as he slept peacefully.  Up until today I hadn’t known what had become of the Winchesters.  I didn’t interfere since the night where Mary told John she was pregnant with Dean.  Sure, I had demons checking up on them every once in a while but I hadn’t actually been anywhere near them, “I miss you so much!”

About halfway through the movie, the lights began to flicker. 

Shit.

 It was happening. 

I ran back up the stairs just as Mary opened the door to her bedroom and made her way to the nursery.  I heard her asking ‘John’ if the baby was hungry.  Azazel shushed her, and she pushed the thought off, before heading back to me.  I leaned against the wall and she made her way to the light at the end of the hall, tapping it, before the once flickering light became whole again. 

Shit. 

She thinks everything is okay. 

How do I let her know? 

She’s a hunter. 

She can stop it. 

I need to give her a sign.

A light went off in my brain as I ran back down the stairs and to the television.  I turned the volume up until I heard her coming down the stairs.  Horror flashed across her face as she realized that John was sleeping in the recliner. 

When she began to run up the stairs, calling for Sammy, Lilith appeared behind me, “wrong choice little sister!  We were going to let her live…but not now.”

She was laughing.  Mary screamed, waking John. 

“NO!” I called out, racing up the stairs after John.  He was calling wildly for Mary, bursting into Sams’ nursery. 

Sammy was in the crib, peacefully cooing.  A look of relief crossed Johns face as he went up to the crib and looked at his son.  A drop of blood fell beside Sam’s head. 

“Shit.  No.  No.  No. No,” I called out, as I ran from the room.  John hadn’t seen Mary pinned to the ceiling.  I ran into Dean’s room, and began making noises, trying to wake him up. 

“You’re free,” I heard Lilith whisper.  I saw the shackles disappear and the rope around me faded.   I pulled my ring off.  I had to warn Dean or the whole family would burn.  I shifted into a younger form, and shook the little boy awake. 

“Who are you?” Dean asked, waking up. 

“Your guardian angel,” I whispered, pulling him out of bed, “come on.” 

“You’re pretty,” he smiled, “you’re so pretty, I-“

I shook my head, cutting the young boy off, “Come on.  We need to get out of here!”

I led him out to the hall, just as John came running out of the room.  I let go of Dean’s hand and put my ring back on. 

“Daddy!” Dean exclaimed. He turned to look for me, but I was invisible to him again.

“Take your brother outside as fast as you can.  Don’t look back.  NOW, DEAN, GO!”

Chapter 2