#why do Billy’s patrons all take one look at him and go wtf?

[wolfsbanesparks]

Herr is the next installment of my character studies for Billy’s patrons. This week is Hercules!

Summary: Heroes were not born, they were forged

[tonydaddingham]

✨ episode 5 - running commentary✨

- this episode better be the one to Alter My Brain Chemistry, I NEED AN explanation for the too fast for me scene pls

- THEY BETTER KISS I S2G

- right okay hi shax I hate you 😘 but Miranda is killing WAIT TEN THOUSAND WHAT THATA OVERKILL ITS ONE SILLY BILLY ANGEL AND A DUMB ASS DEMON

- "can I watch" crowley TONE IT DOWN KINKY BOY

- "there will be sandwiches" LOL IM IN BABES

- DOCTOR WHO lmao harpischord guy get fucking SERVED

- HES JUST TEMPTED SOMEONE AND GIVEN AWAY A BOOK??? my guy going through some ROUGH character development

- hell is literally so understaffed wtf

- MAGIC SHOP AGAIN YES

- ERDNASE REFERENCE ERDNASE REFERENCE

- Crowley is so proud of his husband BUT THAT FEZ NEEDS TO GOOOOO

- neil if you ever read this pls can we have aziraphale be a permanent party planner bc he does the mostest and pls ignore my criticism of ep1 and 2 I take it all back pls pls more aziraphale planning tf out of shit

- SHAX MOMMY YES💅💅💅 ALSO ERIC MY BELOVED My sweet baby boy

- FRENCH AZIRAPHALE YOU NEED TO STOP crowley is FED UP he looks like a kid whose mum got caught chatting at the supermarket

- aziraphale pls stop

- NINA KNOWS WHATS UP GAY SPOTS GAY

- no crowley don't make that face no why why why WHY YOU LOOKING LIKE THAT😭😭😭✨ he loves you CROWLEY YOU BLIND FUCKKNG IDIOT and you love HIM you emotionally stunTED APE

- the glasses and sideburns are still BUGGING ME someone explain did he go shOPPING OFF SCREEN????

- ERIC NO BYEBYE MY LOVERRRRR

- wow that was a long pre credit bit wtf

- DATE???? oh no crowley is pulling away no no no

- "SMUT?" fucking OKAY??? DO IT THEN YOU PUSSY ASS BITCH✨💓

- fuck they're about to have a Conversation aren't they and get drunk and it's about to get EMOTIONAL

- Crowley FUCK

- CROWLEY BOO

- "friend" ok lol

- he's about to throw mf HANDS but goob is so innocent NO WAIT CROWLEY NO DOMT DO THAT oh thank fuck

- matchbox ajamakajalam sns

- lmao the growth that Crowley just did in 30 seconds gave me WHIPLASH

- Muriel no pls don't do it bbygirl💓💓 OH GOD YOUVE GONE DONE IT NOW

- ah Jim's mug

- DECORATING MIRACLES YES BABY

- WAIT AND SEE ✨✨✨✨

- oh aziraphale I love u so MUCH 😭😭😭

- Mrs sandwich I LOVE HER no aziraphale don't ask pls bby

- CROWLEY WHAT U SNIFFIN HONEY UR LIKE A BLOODHOUND FOR TROUBLE WHAT A POWER

- GOOB YOU ARE FABULOUS DARLING I LOVE JT✨

- "you young people"

- F BOMB FUCK YES

- oh no Maggie no not you CROWLEY YOU HERO GOD BLESS tell em babes

- lmao are they even gonna get to dance this is so stressful

- Mrs sandwich just chill out honey you are a madam SEX WORK IS VALID REAL WORK I said what I said

- "have a vol au vent" SO MARRIED💓

- omg am i now liking Maggie and nina hmmmmmmm AZIRAPHALE'S FACE crowley you could have that IF YOU EVEN TRIED MY GUY

- I HAVE SUCH JACKET ENVY LMAOOOO goob you are the only valid character

- WHAT no stop goob stop

- fuck OFF THEY ACTUALLY SANCE FUXK KM SWEATINF NOOOOOOK💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOYS PLEASE

- well fuck that's put a spanner in the works

- aziraphale go fucking NAILS GET THEIR ASS oh that's not good✨

- GOOBY NO BE QUIET SHHHHHH

- GOOB NO

- NO GOOB

- the mf coat is SPECTACULAR ✨✨✨✨ did they spend the whole budget on it???? HES SO FABULOUS AND FRUITY

- oh my god the miracle is working against them fuck

- the fact that the humans are just chilling lmaoooo

- NEIL WE NEED CROWLEY AS A LAWYER PLS THANK U they just got SEVRED✨💓

- lmao IT WAS FAKE HAHAHAHAHA

- Mr brown shut up pipe down back in your box

- see that's what you get when you run your mouth

- IS THIS EVERY

- CMON GIVE ME EVERY

- oh my god crowley is the PATRON VIRGIN saint of sex work I LIVE FOR IT god bless or maybe not

- IS THAT A PRAISE KINK I SEE

- "rescuing me makes him so happy" FUCKING DECEASED

- Muriel lmao we know this it's ok bby take HIM TO HEAVEN IN THE ANGEL-ON-THE-ASS TRACKSUIT

- the MUSIC OKAY ITS GOOD NOW YES YES YES✨

- GOING UP

- I'm dead

[skinks]

i can't remember if it was one of your posts or someone else's where the losers all grew their foreskins back and running to the bathroom to check but it's been living rent free in my head and all i can think of is them all whipping it out being like wtf and then someone (eddie) looks over and is like "holy fuck rich why is your dick so massive literally who gave you the right" and then eddie has a little internal crisis of 'if i wasn't gay b4 i am now'

YEAAAH LMAO THAT WAS ME thank you and also sorry it’s stuck in your head, it’s such a dumb idea but it still makes me laugh.

If the Derry Magic™ canonically reverses Richie’s vasectomy and heals their scars etc. I think it’d be a cool concept if it started to heal... well, everything, once they’re back inside city limits. I’m actually writing a weird ficlet about that idea that’s currently sitting half-baked in my drafts, but back to Foreskins 2: 2Old 4Skin

All the Losers with dicks (aside from Mike since he never left Derry) start shifting in their seats at the Jade and looking down at their laps, alarmed. Given the time period and the fact that it’s... the USA, I’m guessing most of them would be circumcised, so I can only imagine how unusual it would be to feel yourself regrowing a turtleneck. 

But Joe, I hear you cry, if they were circumcised as newborns why is it only growing back now instead of in the <18 years they were in Derry the first place? And if they’re all circumcised why are Bill/Richie/Eddie all so amused at the prospect of Stanley having “the tip of his dick” chopped off at the start of It (2017)?

What do I look like, someone who’s gonna let conflicting meta get in the way of my own conflicting foreskin headcanons? Get outta here!

Anyway, eventually it all gets too weird. Ben can feel a faint pinching that he, quite honestly, hates. They blurt some excuse to Beverly and make a mad dash for the bathroom, trying not to clutch the fronts of their pants like Richie made one joke too funny and there was a collective accident. A Titanic situation. Richie’s trying to think of a joke about this on the move but to be honest his dick feels like it’s growing or something, and ironically he can’t think of a goddamn thing to say.

They’re all waddling. Mike sighs and stands to follow them. “I thought this might happen.”

“Are you guys gonna have some No Girls Allowed meeting without me? Rich and Eddie were already doing enough dick measuring out here, this is bullshit,” Bev says, but Mike is gone. She drinks his beer as revenge.

Any and all dick measuring is happening purely on a visual level, amongst all the panicking and whisper-yelling (whisper-screaming) and vaguely horrified examination going on in the bathroom. Eddie’s had a little too much to drink to stop himself from whisper-hissing his outrage at the size of Richie’s big fucking dick (at least, he thinks later, his stunned disbelief covered his outrage at the fact that Richie wouldn’t even look at Eddie’s dick back, not even to make light of the size difference, the disappointment surrounding it something he’s not yet willing to face.)

When things fail to calm down and they’ve driven 3 other restaurant patrons right out of the bathroom and Mike has been whisper-shouted at four separate times and bullied into showing his own dick, Bill finally puts on his Big Bill Leader Hat and tries to see reason. It’s with a strange sinking feeling that he realises Mike was simply waiting for him to do so, from the pleased smile on his tired face. 

Bill’s not sure he’s looking forward to any situation that might mean he has to lead these strangers again. They’re not kids anymore. Look at their dicks! But this, at least, he can manage. “Wait, shut up - R-Richie shut up, stop pulling at it! This might not all be so b-bad, y’know? Audra - I mean, I h-heard. I read they’re... t-they can make sex, uh. Better. Way better. Easier, for everyone. That’s something, at least? Right?” He looks around, a little desperately.

It takes a few tries for Ben to zip his jeans back up with shaking hands. Eddie looks like he’s about to cry. Mike is beaming around, proudly, at everyone’s newly-cozy dicks.

“That’s fucking fantastic,” Richie says, waving his dick angrily at Bill. It’s a lot more arresting than shaking a finger, Bill will admit. “Just great, Billy - ignoring the completely insane fact that all four of us just spontaneously grew ourselves some fancy little dicksleeves outta nowhere like - Jesus Christ, what is this, the Chinese place from Freaky Friday? Did those fortune cookies swap us into exact copies of our own bodies, hold the mayo, extra pastrami? Do I look like either Jamie Lee Curtis or Lindsay fucking Lohan to you? Did Lindsay fucking Lohan grow a dick like this in that movie?”

“I don’t think anyone has a dick like that,” Eddie mumbles.

“I didn’t see that movie,” Bill says.

“That’s not the point,” Richie says. His dick waves in his fist like a sign language interpreter at the bottom of the screen helping Richie to deliver his tirade. The mirror spans the wall over the sinks, so even when Bill tries to avert his eyes he still fears having them poked out. He stares up at the water-stained ceiling tiles instead. “The point is, you want us all to be cool as cucumbers with little fucking scarves about this totally fucked up, creepy, Cronenberg bullshit because your wife fucked a British dude one time and told you to your face that it was better?!”

Bill frowns, raising his hands. “Well. I d-don’t think that’s w-w-what-”

“Do I seem,” Richie continues, looking extremely frazzled, “like someone confident enough in his sex life that re-learning the ropes at 40 fucking years old is gonna be a piece of cake?! Jesus Christ! I don’t know what to do with this thing!” Another man pushes open the bathroom door, takes one look at them, and walks straight back out. Richie curses under his breath and zips up too, Eddie following his lead, until Bill is the only one standing there with his dick out. 

Something about the situation feels vaguely familiar, Bill thinks, with a phantom ache in his cheekbone. 

Richie flails with the pockets of his jacket. “Zero times foreskin is still zero, Bill!”

With that and without washing his hands, Richie stomps out of the bathroom, head ducked, the back of his neck bright pink. Eddie hastily finishes washing his own hands and scurries after him, seething again. “I knew it! I fucking knew it!”

[destiel-love-forever]

15.4 Thoughts

Well... at least this episode didn’t destroy me, which is something... I guess. Gosh... this season WILL be the death of me. At least they didn’t make us watch the break-up again. I was worried that was going to be in the ‘Then’ opening of the show... 

Anywho, here we go, episode 4 thoughts!

Here are the things I liked (& my feelings didn’t mind): 

HOT DAMN bearded Dean being all sexy and rugged and badass in that red lighting

BENNY!!! (let’s ignore the context of Benny for now... we’re keeping my feelings happy here)

The whole veggie bacon ordeal

the way Dean mouths the quote along with Sam

the way they argue about Dean being the ‘meat man’

Sammy realizing the bacon is real - & Dean being all proud ‘damn right it is’ because he’s the meat man

I’m sorry but that tiny coffee cup in Sam’s huge hand is just adorable

Getting back to the good ol’ days:

Finding a case, “sounds exactly like our thing, so let’s go check it out”

Sam’s face is so DONE with the parents saying the lacrosse game getting canceled will be the end of the world - “The end of the world IS the end of the world”

Dean’s obsession with this mascot lol

Also, that ‘someone has a fetish’ comment about the cheerleaders

The fact that Dean’s eating in almost every scene (do you think Jensen was just super hungry? Since he was the director?)

BECKY!!

Chuck acting like a crazy, desperate, pathetic ex

Becky’s etsy site for unofficial spn merch

Becky putting Chuck in his place about writing/his writing

THE FACT THAT BECKY WRITES #DOMESTIC FANFIC

Let’s be honest - Becky TOTALLY ships Destiel 100%

I need to read all of Becky’s domestic destiel fics (or all of them in general)

All of Becky’s decorations - the spn christmas poster, the Funko figures, the plushies of Sam, Dean, & Cas on the shelf (I totally have that Dean plushie - thank you @foreveranonymousuniverse for that), the mini Harvelle’s Roadhouse 

Is it just me, or is Becky’s wallpaper in her living room exactly like the wallpaper in a lot of the boys’ motels in the show?

“You want me to fluff you”

Becky defending fan-fic “writing is writing”

Her rant about Chuck’s bad story - “Nobody even mentions Cas!”

I wrote poor Billy down because he seemed to have these crazy, overbearing parents, and he clearly doesn’t want to be this great Lacrosse player they want him to be, and I was getting total Dean vibes from my fic Lucky Charm.... but poor Billy for so many other reasons now that I’ve seen the whole episode... just... poor Billy

Dean calling that girl out on her fake speech (& then the super awkwardness of the boys when they have to slink away because she has braces) - more on the speech below

Here are things I liked (but hit me right in the feels...):

BENNY

I’m so thankful this wasn’t a Dean dream, because if Dean was dreaming this, the moment with Benny would have wrecked me completely

Still, though, that “I’ll see you on the other side brother” came close to killing me. 

The whole dream with Dark Sammy 

Sioux Falls mention! Bobby! Jody!

Dean telling Sammy this isn’t him, it’s the demon blood

SAMMY KILLED DEAN. KILLED HIM. HE KILLED DEAN. 

It’s almost worse that the dream is Sam’s instead of Dean’s, because Dean fearing for his own safety is one thing, but Sam fearing for other people’s safety is heartbreaking. 

Sam in this episode... (no wonder Jared’s mental health isn’t the best right now, jeez...)

His speech about the white picket fence ‘bubble’ that the town gets to live in

His comment about how they have to carry the weight of everything

Dean pulling out his flask as he listens to Sammy say things that Dean has always said - because it’s usually Sam’s job to talk him out of this dark place, and now Dean doesn’t know what to do

Later, Sam admitting he feels empty, and he misses Jess </3

Dean trying to talk Sammy out of it, saying they’re free with this relieved kind of smile, saying they need to keep doing the hard job for the people that cared about them, for Jack and mom and Rowena and everyone else.

& Sammy saying “I don’t feel free” & “Sometimes it’s like I can’t breathe” & when Dean asks what happens if that feeling doesn’t go away, and they silently exchange that look... 

BECKY DON’T TELL CHUCK TO WRITE WTF ARE YOU DOING

At least Chuck admitted to not being able to see them anymore... that’s a plus... 

Chuck’s comment “I’ll give you danger” - gosh Becky, why did you push this man?!?!?!

That girl’s speech: did anyone else see Destiel parallels? It’s literally a speech about how she misses her best friend. How life won’t be the same. Etc. Sure, it’s clearly fake, but that seems to piss Dean off more when he calls her out on that - & Dean can tell it’s fake because he feels those things for real. He has his own special ‘ghost orchard’/’snowflake’ that he’s missing. 

SPEAKING OF DESTIEL PARALLELS

Dean talking to Sammy about ‘moving on’ & he has to pause before saying that, and he looks pained like he’s remembering Cas saying it to him

& Sam putting Dean in his place, shutting that idea down, saying he can’t move on. It’s impossible. 

The scene with Dean, Sam, and the parents. When Dean comments on their ‘awesome parenting’ & the dad says “you don’t have children, do you?”

The look on Dean’s face is heartbreaking... 

& later, when they both admit that they’d do the same for Jack... it hurts. It hurts a lot. 

OF COURSE they have to turn the classic ‘let’s just get back to what we’re good at and try to move on’ episode into something SOUL CRUSHING. 

Poor Billy (I know, a broken record, but omg)

And the fact that Billy just gives himself over, and he sits on his knees crying, and Dean has to execute the poor kid like that, and Sam can barely watch

Chuck is seriously fucked up (I mean, we knew this, but still... my god - pun intended - this dude is fucking crazy)

The ominous ‘ending’ he wrote

How he doesn’t know how he’ll get there, but he’ll get there somehow

Becky saying it’s dark. Saying he can’t do it to the fans. “What you did to Dean... What you did to Sam...” “It’s awful, horrible, hopeless”

"Oh Becky, I can do anything. I’m a writer”

Chuck envisioning “Supernatural: The End” with the gravestone on the cover that just reads ‘Winchester’ (btw, if it’s jut one gravestone, do you think only one of them died? Or are they buried together? Or were they given a hunter’s funeral, and the gravestone is just there to commemorate them???)

Chuck making Becky’s family disappear! Making her panic and cry! Then doing it to her! al;do’rihigjsgk’dma I HATE HIM

Chuck at the very end, writing so hard that Dean & Sam’s figurines are bobbing. “Oh yeah, this is gonna be good”

Yeah... not looking like it’ll be good Chuck. NOT LOOKING LIKE IT WILL BE GOOD AT ALL!

I guess now I’ll go write the CODA... I’m thinking I might take the Becky road and give the boys some good ol’ domestic fluff. Don’t they deserve that? They deserve that. 

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