#why didnt you vent the very first day of your current episode. is months long of suicidal thoughts every day an episode. and like ive been
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#i need to vent but i cant even find the Words for my feelings and its so frustrating#and i just let frustration build up and up and they always say eventually youll explode but ive been#waiting to explode for like 10 years now and never have#and im just so tired of being suicidal all the time and not being able to just Do It because i fucking hate being alive and the suicidal#stuff isnt New so it feels stupid to vent about it now Because its not new so its like why are you venting on tumblr about it now#why didnt you vent the very first day of your current episode. is months long of suicidal thoughts every day an episode. and like ive been#suicidal for over a decade but theres been breaks and i feel like i havnt had a break from it in forever and im tired and i dont wanna feel#like this everyday for the rest of my life and even if it goes away it comes back everytime and the times its not there dont feel worth the#times it is and i feel like i cant do it anymore but i also cant kms or even talk about my feelings because people will be like no dont#and i dont wanna hear that and like. whatever. ill be fine#(has been saying ill be fine for my whole life. is never fine.)#whatever! i dont matter.#i finally have a psych appointment in april but like what is that gonna do. they cant fix me its gonna be like this forever#theres no such thing as no bad days and i Cant Handle Bad Days. every strong emotion i feel at the suicidal level#and im so worn out emotiobally i cant Fix Anything.#im never getting out of here im never getting out of here im stuck here forever#and its all inside my head so unless i smash it on some pavement its never going away! itll follow me everywhere#idk im good at Tolerating it i guess. still here! that counts for uh. something.
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1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?XO - John Mayer Cabaret - Justin Timberlake Lights On - Shawn Mendes Bad Habit - The KooksHow Would You Feel - Ed Sheeran You’re Gonna Llive Forever in Me - John Mayer
2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?literally John Mayer so I can ask him why the FUCK he played XO in Chicago and why that was only the 10th time ever and first and only time of TSFE tour he played it
3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.“Mom’s stumped us. We had absolutely no idea who she’d dredge” (I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson)
4: What do you think about most?how terrible life is and then how much i wanna die tbh
5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?“Jena should i get dropped off at your house then we can go get joe & julie?” IOWA TOMORROW FOR ED :DDDD
6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?always w shirt but no pants lol
7: What’s your strangest talent?hating life as much as i do idk i have no talent
8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)girls r hot n nice boys r hot n mean
9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?yeah bc we were in love lol :(
10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? idk i usually dont
11: Do you have any strange phobias?feet, being alone but also being in large crowds, idk theyre not very weird
12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?no?
13: What’s your religion?idk man none atm prob
14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?looking forward to going inside. but working and therefore reading.
15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?behind bc i am ugly lol
16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?um probably panic at the disco but then also the killers
17: What was the last lie you told?“its fine” bc no it is not fine i wanna fight
18: Do you believe in karma?ya i think so. maybe
19: What does your URL mean?i like Justin Timberlake and also swearing
20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?weakness is probably just who i am as a person and strength is idk i dont have any
21: Who is your celebrity crush?lmao. you say this like i have one. i have many. like thousands.
22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?nope
23: How do you vent your anger?talk to someone usually
24: Do you have a collection of anything?movie/concert/sporting event tickets and also empty gatorade bottles on my floor
25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?phone bc im ugly
26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?eh. better than what i was but could be better
27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?hate is my sisters voice lol love is john mayers voice bc he sounds like a fuckin angel
28: What’s your biggest “what if”?what if i was someone else but not really someone else just like what if i was me with a better life or a differnt life in which things didnt always go so terribly for me ya know
29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?ghosts maybe but aliens def
30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.right arm some paper hanging off my nightstand and left nothing
31: Smell the air. What do you smell?the faint scent of clean laundry and lotion
32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?hm.. great question. i feel like ive been to some pretty bad places but i cant recall any???
33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?ive never been to either but east coast i think
34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?justin timberlake bc hes one of the most attractive men in the entire world
35: To you, what is the meaning of life?bein happy, doin what you want, livin
36: Define Art.something someone creates
37: Do you believe in luck?yes i do
38: What’s the weather like right now?humid i think
39: What time is it?9:41 pm
40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?nope to both
41: What was the last book you read?i recently finished “The Upside of Unrequited” and now im workin on “More Than This”
42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?no i hate it it makes me nauseous
43: Do you have any nicknames?jules
44: What was the last film you saw?o fuck um fist fight maybe?
45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?the sunburn i got in florida was terrible bc i couldnt walk for a day so im gonnna say that
46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?no :(
47: Do you have any obsessions right now?brandon saad being a chicago blackhawk again, tommy la stella, john mayer, reading gay books
48: What’s your sexual orientation?bi
49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?uuuuum possibly ??? idk
50: Do you believe in magic?nah but also maybe
51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?in my mind yes but most of the times my actions dont reflect that especially if its been a while
52: What is your astrological sign?sagittarius
53: Do you save money or spend it?both. i allow myself to spend it as long as i still have a decent amount saved
54: What’s the last thing you purchased?lunch at panera lol
55: Love or lust?neither bc they both suck when ur alone
56: In a relationship?no lol
57: How many relationships have you had?zero
58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?nope i am not talented like that
59: Where were you yesterday?yesterday. i think i stayed home all day then me mary and joe hung out and went to get milkshakes at steak n shake
60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?the inside of the bra bra sitting waiting to be put away lol
61: Are you wearing socks right now?indeed
62: What’s your favourite animal?sloths my fav
63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?i dont have one bc if i did ppl would like me, tf
64: Where is your best friend?at home id assume
65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.whats tumblr
66: What is your heritage?im italian but i was born here and so were my parents
67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?watching an episode of Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia before i showered
68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?satan satan
69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?yeah lmao who hasnt tho
70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?i think so sometimes but other times im the worst person ever idk how i have friends
71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?fuck u boss i love dogs and if u hate dogs that much as to not understand the situation i dont wanna work for a dog hater. asshole.
72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?a. maybe probably b. everything ive never done but wanted to c. probably
73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.fuck. um. shit. id say love but then u cant trust the person you love so like… but at the same time i love love so much i feel like id die w/o it n ya know i dont trust anyone anyways so im gonna say love
74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?srsly…..Bye Bye Bye by *NSYNC bc i cant be sad listening to that song lolol
75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?9077
76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?communication n openness
77: How can I win your heart?just be nice to me lol i have low standards
78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?yes i do believe so
79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?buying tickets to see john mayer lol that changed my life so drastically. my life is now pre john mayer and post john mayer. he literally fucking sang xo i will never get over it that will always be the happiest moment of my life im crying while typing this
80: What size shoes do you wear?8 - 9 ½ depending on the shoe
81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?‘probably died because she said she wanted to die so often that death got sick of hearing it and killed her.“
82: What is your favourite word?fuck
83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.justin timberlake. god im so fucked lol
84: What is a saying you say a lot?'i hate my life’ 'i want to die’ 'u should fight’
85: What’s the last song you listened to?Fools Gold by One Direction lmao
86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?turquoise
87: What is your current desktop picture?justin timberlake leaning on a car lookin all hot n shit
88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?myself tbh
89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?uuuum idk it depends whos askin ya know. id answer certain questions if asked by one peson but not another
90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?probably cry and attempt but ultimately fail to go back to sleep
91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?flying or teleportation
92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?when john mayer played XO at my concert obviously
93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?losing all the pictures on my computer bc i keep saying im over it but im really not that was the entire past 4 years of my life in pictures and videos and theyre just gone its bullshit
94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?oh man. so many. but if i had to choose one justin timberlake. wow bet no one saw that comin
95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?literally fuckin no where im seeing ed sheeran in a matter of hours im not leaving. but if it were a different day lol id say amsterdam or boston
96: Do you have any relatives in jail?not that im aware of
97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?when i was a smol child yea h but not recently
98: Ever been on a plane?when i was a child yes
99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?um lol idk probably nothing tbh i dont wanna be held responsible for whatever happens afterwards
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