#why didn't i do this more since earlier???
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Quiet Xmas Morning blurb | bfd!harry
⋆꙳•❅‧ ☃️‧❆ ₊⋆
Summary: Your heart is full and you have so much to be thankful for on Christmas.
A/n: I know it's not very long but there's a lot of new things in this one. If you haven't already, I'd suggest reading the previous part before you read this.
Word Count: 1,507
Warning: soft fluffy cuteness - no warnings!
best friend's dad!harry masterlist
⋆꙳•̩̩͙❅̩̩͙‧͙ ‧͙̩̩͙❆ ͙͛ ˚₊⋆
The house was warm and quiet as you sat in the glider chair with your newborn in your arms. She was falling asleep slowly. She'd suckle and then her eyes would lull shut before she'd startle herself awake and start to pull at your nipple like a ravenous animal again. You smiled and smoothed your fingers over the soft hair on her head. It'd only been a week and a half since she was born but you already felt like she was your everything. It surprised you how deeply you already loved her.
Elara came a little early but you were ready for her. Harry said she wanted to make it in time for Christmas. She had to be monitored for a few extra days but she was healthy and she was perfect.
You saw the glow from the Christmas tree lights filtering into her room from downstairs and then heard a little rustling. Harry must have also been up. He was sleeping when you got up to feed the baby but he often would wake up when you'd get up. It was still something to get used to. You were more exhausted than you'd ever been in your life but maybe that explained why you were so deliriously in love with her.
Her suckling grew weak again, little eyes closed, and then… she was fast asleep. After waiting a few minutes, just in case, you carefully and gently got up from the chair and tiptoed to her crib to lower her down all without waking her.
She was perfect. Yes. That was true. But she was easy to wake and she'd cry for hours if she was woken up before she was ready.
Harry stood behind you and placed a hand on your shoulder as he looked down at your little creation with you. He knew better than to even whisper so you both just smiled at one another before quietly padding out of her room and closing the door behind you.
Your body was still sore. You knew it would take time to get back to feeling like yourself. Even walking downstairs felt like something was going to knock loose and fall out of your body. Harry held your hand.
"Merry Christmas, Mama," he kissed your lips softly when you got to the first floor.
The living room was dark except for the soft golden lights wrapped around the faux Christmas tree. You preferred a real one normally but it was too much work that year. Plus the smell bothered you when you and Harry had gone to check out the tree farm weeks earlier.
"Got your gift under the tree," he motioned.
You looked under the tree to see one small box with a bow. You hadn't wrapped any of Harry's and they were all tucked away, hidden in the closet in the basement.
"I didn't wrap yours. I'm sorry," you reached up to cup his face and he brought an arm around your back.
"You already gave me the best present I could ever ask for."
You grinned, "That I did. But you played a major role in that gift. So technically I could consider that a gift from you as well."
He grinned and pressed his lips to yours, "I'd say my role was very minor. All I had to do was get off a few times. You did all the hard work. All the stuff that counts."
A laugh puffed from your lips, "Okay. That I agree with."
You smelled coffee suddenly and realized Harry was making a pot.
"Decaf." He raised his brows at you. You were staying away from caffeine since you were breastfeeding. The doctor said you could have a little bit every day but Elara was fussy enough as it was. The last thing you wanted was a grouchy, angry baby hocked up on traces of caffeine.
"My mouth is watering," you spoke with a smile.
"Why don't you sit down and I'll get your coffee. Then we can open up your Christmas present."
Harry frothed a little milk for you while he took his coffee black. Even he was drinking decaf when he could have just had regular. He walked back into the living quietly, two steaming mugs in hand before handing you yours and sitting his down on the coffee table.
You took a sip as he reached under the tree to pull out the small red box. It had a small golden ribbon tied around it.
"What is it?" You held your palm out as he placed the box down into your hand.
"Well, you have to open it up first."
Taking another quick sip of your coffee before you leaned forward to place the ceramic mug down you looked at Harry with a big grin. The glittering lights from the tree were twinkling off his eyes as he looked down at the box and then up at your face.
You pulled at the ribbon and then paused when he sat up, about to push himself off the cushion, "What are you doing?"
He swallowed and you noticed that he suddenly seemed nervous, anxious. He shook his head and shrugged, "Nothing. Was just getting comfortable is all."
You squinted at him as he looked down at your hand. Then it was your turn for the nerves to take over. You couldn't be sure what was in the box but something told you that it was going to change everything. You knew Harry very well and his sudden excitement had your heart pounding in your chest. And given the size of the box…
"Harry…" you blinked your eyes and placed your hand over the lid as you swallowed.
"Just open it, baby. See what it is." He was still sitting at the edge of the cushion, watching you as you pulled the lid off. Inside was another, smaller box—a jewelry box.
You inhaled and looked up at him. He wore a soft smile on his face as he tensed his arms, like he was about to spring from the couch.
The moment you placed your fingers on the velvet-hinged top to lift it, he pushed himself onto his knees and scooted in between your thighs as the beautiful little shining diamond glinted from inside the box. A ring. But not just any ring.
He waited for a beat, his eyes on yours as your jaw dropped and you covered your mouth before looking at him in surprise.
Harry took the ring out of the box and held it between his thumb and pointer finger, "I love you. I want forever with you, Y/n. I know we're not in a rush but I couldn't wait another moment to put a ring on your finger. Tell the whole world you're mine."
You gasped out a quiet sob and just as he was about to continue you leaned forward and wrapped your arms around his neck to kiss him hard. You never imagined that you'd cry when he finally proposed but of course, your hormones were all out of whack and you'd been finding yourself crying for the smallest things lately.
He laughed when you pecked kisses over his cheek, "Yes, Harry…"
"Baby, I didn't even finish th—"
You smushed your lips over his again, swallowing his words as he pulled you into his arms until you were in his lap on the floor between the couch and the coffee table.
"I love you, Harry…" You smeared your lips down to his jaw and he chuckled quietly.
"Gonna put it on?"
Pulling away from him, you looked down at his hand and spread your fingers out for him to slip the ring onto your finger. It was dainty and perfect—one small diamond at the top, set in white gold. You held your hand up, and you admired the way it looked on your hand for a moment.
Harry wrapped his big palm around yours and pulled your hand up to his mouth, "That's a yes? You'll marry me?"
You sputtered a laugh and nodded, "Of course I will."
He kissed your knuckles and grinned at you before you pulled your hand away and wrapped your arms around his neck to squeeze him tight. Harry tucked his face into your hair and put his arms around your back.
It was going to be the best Christmas day ever. Fae would be coming by for a couple of hours and then your parents later in the evening. Telling everyone you were finally engaged would be exciting but the best part was that you and Harry had the most precious gift lying upstairs sleeping already.
You placed your hand over his chest and ran your nose against his, "I'm so happy, Harry. I love you so much."
He shifted his legs and ran a big palm up your back, "That's all I want, for you to be happy, Y/n."
Harry got exactly what he wanted because you'd never been as happy as you were in that moment.
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DOUBLE OR NOTHING
after countless empty promises spilled from his lips, you wanted to believe that he’d show up to your anniversary of all things.
FEATURING: toji fushiguro x wife! reader
CONTENTS: non canon compliant/au, marriage problems, talks of divorce, angst, smut, porn w/out plot rly, unprotected p in v, cunnilingus, fingering, spanking, doggy, missionary against a wall, pet names (ma, princess, etc.)
WORD COUNT: 4.9k
AUTHOR’S NOTE: repost bc i need this dilf in my bed rn 😞
"I'll make it home to you by six, mama. Take you out on a nice date, get you some flowers, all that stuff you like. Promise."
The clock was nearing eight o'clock with no signs of Toji coming through the door anytime soon, your own patience starting to run out with every tick. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. The sound echoed through your ears since you'd sat down on the leather couch nearly two hours ago, waiting for Toji to fulfill the promise. A promise that he'd made after flaking out on the date planned prior to that one.
And prior to that one. And prior. It'd been more missed dates than actual ones that he'd taken you out by now—you weren't exactly sure why you'd hoped for tonight to be different. Well, you knew exactly why. Today marked three years of being married to one another. You knew that he didn't prioritize date nights with you as much as he should, but you had held some sort of foolish hope that your anniversary would mean something—anything to him.
The divorce papers felt like a dead weight in your hand, much like how your relationship would be the second that you brought it up. It all just seemed so final, seeing the terms laid out that would end years of marriage. Just by the flick of a pen. But the idea was almost like a reprieve, like something that was worth looking forward to. You shook your head, getting up from the couch to set the stack of papers on the kitchen table where Toji wouldn't miss them.
Another half hour of eerie silence and Toji still hadn't come through the door. It was getting increasingly difficult to keep some semblance of hope that he'd even show up at all, much less for your date. You admitted defeat, slipping off your heels and pulling up a throw blanket over yourself. Succumbing to the sleep that was weighing down on your eyelids.
You weren't even sure how much time had passed when you heard the door swing open, the door hitting the wall from the force. The thud of his shoes hitting the tile followed, a grumble leaving Toji's lips. "Fuckin' bastards rigged that race. Robbed me of fifty bucks," he muttered to himself, slipping his coat off before placing it up on the coat rack.
"You're home late," you called out, watching as Toji turned to look at the couch before flicking on one of the living room lights. "Jesus woman, you scared me," he grumbled, a large hand resting by his chest as he looked over in your direction. Toji rubbed a hand over his face, exhaustion lingering on his face like a second skin. It was only then that he looked over at you, really looked at you, and what you were wearing.
Ah shit.
Almost as if he wanted to make the situation worse, he'd chosen to go with, "You got all dolled up just to fall asleep on the couch?" You could've sworn you felt your eye twitch at the question. He'd barely opened up his mouth and you were already wishing that he didn't even bother showing up for the night.
Toji knew he was in deep shit with each step he took into the living room, his mind already starting to work overdrive to figure out what he could do for what he'd missed. A date? No, you wouldn't have put on the very expensive pair of Louboutins for just any date. His mind was blanking on anything other than the numbers that he'd lost with earlier in the day. Come on, think.
"No, I got dolled up because I thought I'd be going out with my husband tonight," you retorted dryly, smudges of eyeshadow sticking to your hand when you went to rub at your eyes. You could see Toji's brows furrow, the wheels seeming to turn in his head for once, before a look of realization settled on his features.
"Look, I'm sorry. I got carried away at the casino," one of the many excuses you'd heard before coming back to bite you in the ass. The same excuse that he'd used last month when he forgot about a work party you'd mentioned to him. Which wouldn't have been too bad if it weren't for all the snide comments being whispered in your direction and all the unwarranted marriage advice.
Advice that you ended up forgetting about chugging down two glasses of tequila like water. "I'll make it up to you, I swear. You can pick the place and all that shit." There went another one. He'd really topped himself using the two of them in a row. You rubbed the bridge of your nose, looking over at him in disbelief. "Do you even know what today was? Why I'm so pissed off?"
"It's your birthday?" Toji spoke after a couple seconds, the answer clearly wrong just by the look on his face. You rubbed a hand over your face, standing up from your spot on the couch. "It's our wedding anniversary, Toji," you spoke up before he made another guess that would just piss you off even further, "And I have something I need to talk to you about. It's on the kitchen table."
Underneath the vase filled with wilted flowers—a collection more than anything that you kept around as a reminder that Toji used to care, was a stack of papers. He placed the vase down on the table with more force than necessary upon realizing what the documents were. "A divorce?" The words slipped out of him with such venom, such distaste, like the idea was unfathomable.
Toji slammed the papers down on the table, the salt and pepper shakers trembling before falling over. "Is that really what you want?" He stepped closer to you when you approached the table, his hands instinctively moving to hold your hips. Holding you close to his body. "No, I didn't get married with the intention of getting a divorce. But you've been neglecting this marriage for a couple months now."
"I'll make it up to you now," Toji spoke quickly, like he was afraid of losing you at any moment. Like you'd disappear if he didn't. And as much as you wanted to avoid looking over at him, the task had just become all that much difficult when you had nowhere else to look at. It only took one glance at his face to realize just what he meant by 'making it up to you.'
"You think you're gonna fix months of pushing me aside with just sex?"
"Nah, I know it's gonna take more. But you've been so tired, isn't that right? So tired of tryin' to keep this marriage from falling apart and nobody taking care of you?" His words were like a siren's song when he whispered them in your ear, your traitorous body leaning back to meet the drag of your fingertips. It was almost laughable at how easily your resolve had melted. "Lemme take care of you mama. Promise I'll make you feel good."
"You wanna call me a dick, never wanna see me again? That's fine, just don't deny me one last taste. Please," And while Toji wasn't a man to beg for anything in his life, he found himself saying the words anyways. "Thought this was you making it up to me," and as much as you were willing yourself not to fold, you felt yourself spreading your legs almost instinctively when his finger dragged up your inner thigh.
"Can't it be both?" Toji's teeth nipped at your neck, licking a stripe up the junction of your neck. Practically salivating at the taste of you, of the expensive perfume you'd put on just a mere hours beforehand. "One could say that you're just being selfish," your words quickly died out when Toji started sucking on your pulse point, your own heartbeat betraying you. You'd expected Toji to sass you back, say something about how your body was just so needy against his touch.
But instead, he dropped down to his knees in front of you. The wooden floor underneath his knees almost made him feel bad for all the times he had you in a similar position. Almost. Toji looked up at you, "Selfish only when it comes to you."
Every slow drag of his fingertips across your smooth skin seemed almost reverent— like you were something to worship. You were, he just failed to realize that until now. Until you were almost out the door. "I'm sorry," the first real apology of the night slipped out of his mouth, his lips pressed against your shin. "I'm sorry," he moved up to your knee, repeating the action. Hushed whispers of I'm sorry's and featherlight kisses moving up your legs, stopping only when he gets to your clothed cunt.
"I'm sorry," Toji uttered his last apology against your cunt, his eyes locking onto yours as he applied an open mouthed kiss on your clothed clit. Barely darting his tongue out, swirling it against the nerves that were just begging for one ounce of stimulation. And he was practically reveling in how needy he made you in the span of seconds. Your back arched to rest against the seat behind you, one of your hands going to rest on his head.
Toji's fingers dragged slowly in between your folds, feeling the wet patch already starting to form through the thin lace material. You refused to make eye contact with him, knowing that if you did, he'd be able to see just how desperate you were in just a manner of seconds. Even if the bastard probably had a clue already. "You sure your pussy agrees with the divorce?" His voice came out to something akin to a purr, the drag of his fingers slowing down.
Getting you even more worked up than you were already. "Fucking hate you, can't even apologize right," you let out a hiss, your hand going down to his hair. Pulling his head even closer to you despite your previous claim. "Fine, I'll apologize correctly," Toji sounded like you were the one inconveniencing him—to which you were. He wanted to take his time with his meal, have you begging for him to touch you. And normally, he would've.
If he weren't desperate to have your cunt on his face again after weeks, months? of just having his fist to work with. His fist and a used pair of your panties up to his nose like a pervert, hips humping the air in desperation. Imagining that it was your tongue flicking across his leaking tip instead of his thumb, that it was your soft hands in exchange of his rough ones. And as easy as it was for him to get laid—he didn't want to be with anyone that wasn't you.
Toji hadn't tasted someone as sweet as you, heard someone so angelic before, but now he supposed that maybe he'd have to put that theory to the test if you left him after all. Just the idea was maddening. That someone else would be doing the same thing that he's doing to you now, that they'd give you the affection that he should've given.
"Especially sorry to you. Been neglecting you for too long," he hooked his fingers around the side of your panties, pulling them to the side just enough to reveal your slick folds to him. Toji swiped the tip of his finger along your entrance, your slick glistening against the harsh kitchen lighting before he stuck in his mouth. Swirling his tongue around it, licking away at it like the slut he was.
And like the deprived man that he'd been, Toji's hands went to the lace of your underwear and stretched it out until a loud rip echoed throughout the kitchen. "You always this wet for people you hate? Or is that just for me?" Toji taunted, pushing your tattered panties down to your ankles. Finally leaning in closer to where you were aching for him to touch you. To do something other than just tease you relentlessly.
Toji settled on his knees behind you, spreading your legs open like you were his favorite meal. His tongue swiped up on your dripping cunt, licking up your essence with sheer greed. "Mmph fuck, so good," his words came out muffled, his tongue swiping across your folds before darting inside of your cunt. Your grip on the table tightened, your hips working on their own accord to push back onto his face. Practically suffocating him in your pussy. Not that he minded. By any means.
Toji practically welcomed it, his hands pushing you down onto his face. Getting absorbed in your cunt completely. "A-Ah fuck, Toji!" You could already see the noise complaint hanging on your front door first thing in the morning. But how could you be expected to keep your voice down? Toji spread your folds apart with two fingers as if he were preparing for a feast, his tongue feverishly licking in between.
"Fuckin' soaked already, knew you loved me," The vibration of the low chuckle that followed his words shot currents up your spine, your ass jiggling all that much more in his face. With such a decadent taste coating his taste buds, dying by your pussy would be nothing short of a blissful way to go out. One of the fingers that he'd been using to spread your folds had been pushed inside of your cunt, your walls clenching around him.
Toji's tongue flicked against your clit, swirling the tip around the bud while his finger slowly pushed further inside of you. The loud squelch of your cunt was the only thing that filled the apartment, everything else completely silent. Your fingers dug deeper into his scalp, a low groan leaving his lips. "F-Fuck, Toji Toji," he pushed another thick finger inside, moving them in a scissoring motion to stretch you out.
"You think y're gonna find someone who can do this?" Toji looked up at you, his fingers curling up to hit that spongy spot inside of you almost perfectly. And if you didn't know any better, you'd almost say that he looked vulnerable while he made the question. Toji's lips wrapped around your clit, gently sucking on it as his fingers worked you closer and closer to your orgasm. You couldn't bring yourself to answer—didn't trust yourself to speak.
"Toji, Toji, gonna cum," you gave him a warning, your jaw falling slack and your lips parting in a o-shape. Soundless moans leaving your lips, feeling that coil in your lower tummy start to tighten up all the much more. With one final pump of his fingers, you were covering his lips with your release. His tongue swiped across his lips, across the scar that he hated, collecting every drop. Savoring what he imagined would be the last taste of you.
"Turn around," It was almost embarrassing how quickly you'd turned around per your soon-to-be ex husband's request.
Toji didn't take more than a couple seconds in unbuttoning his pants and taking them off, his cock hitting his stomach once it was released from its confines. Precum dribbled from his annoyingly almost pretty pink tip, dripping onto the floor. Drip. Drip. Drip. His cock slid through your folds like a slip n slide, your previous orgasm coating his tip with every lazy drag. "Toji," your voice bordered on a whine, pushing your hips to try to meet his movements.
"Tell me what you want," Toji clicked his tongue, one of his hands moving to hold your waist. Keeping you completely still until he got what he wanted. You figured there wasn't any harm in whining—you were already fucking the man after you brought up a divorce. There truly wasn't that much more to lose. "Why do I have to ask for it when you're the one apologizing?"
"Because you're the one pushing your hips back against me. All needy 'n shit. So.. beg."
"Want you inside me, Toji. Please."
"Want?"
You let out a huff before correcting yourself, "Need."
"Come on, doll. You can say it nicer than that, right?" Toji's pointer trailed up your torso, leaving goosebumps in his wake.
So goddamn annoying. You swallowed whatever pride you had left before looking back over at him, "Please, Toji. Need your cock in me. Please."
Toji clicked his tongue, one hand wrapping around his cock and giving himself a couple tentative pumps. "Think you can beg better than that. But since I'm feeling nice, I guess I'll let it slide." So much for feeling apologetic. Toji pushed his cock inside of you in one swift motion, a hiss leaving your lips at the stretch. Even with the fingers that'd been inside of you, nothing could've really prepared you.
"You okay?" Toji dropped his head to rest on your shoulder, whispering the words in your ear. Staying still while your walls tried to adjust to the overwhelming stretch. "You try taking your cock," you muttered dryly, giving him a nod to start moving. "Why would I do that when you take it so well?" Toji pushed the rest of his cock inside, his hands resting on your hips.
Toji wasn't particularly known for being gentle—the one hospital visit after he'd injured your cervix more than enough proof of that, but he started off slow. Slow, shallow thrusts. Fucking you in a way that he hasn't since your honeymoon. "Toji, you can speed up," you assured him, your words getting cut off with a smack to your ass. "What I'd say about tellin' me what to do?" Ah, there was the mean Toji that you recognized.
"Wouldn't need to tell you what to do if my vibrator wasn't looking more appealing right now."
Famous last words.
The change was almost immediate. Mascara dribbled down your cheeks, the sight of your once composed makeup all ruined making Toji's cock twitch inside of you. "Fucking pretty like this, y'know?" His teeth sunk down on the junction of your shoulder, his teeth grazing across the sensitive flesh. His hips snapped roughly into yours, your breathing growing erratic. "Fuck, Fuck, Toji!"
The coldness of his gold wedding band hit your skin as soon as he went to grip your hips, holding you against him like he needed to be close to you. The two of you had been distant for some time and he hadn't bothered to take off his wedding band once, not even on the rare occasion that he actually did happen to take a job. Toji would never admit it, of course—but he was starved for the feeling of your skin against his own.
To confirm that you were still here after all.
Your hands reached out to grab to whatever you could grab—anything, and of course, it just happened to be the divorce papers sitting on the middle of the table. Practically taunting you as your own signature glared back at you. "This good enough for you, princess?" Toji taunted in your ear, his blunt fingernails digging into your sides. "Mhm, j-just like that," your voice came out in a mewl, all bits of defiance completely out of your system.
"There you go. Nasty fucking girl," Toji all but purred in your ear the moment you started to jerk your hips back to meet his own, your ass bouncing with each one of his thrusts. "Just needed Toji to take care of ya," all you could was nod your head fervently, your grip on the divorce papers tightening. And Toji, of course, took notice. He took the papers from you with one hand, giving them a once-over before passing them back over.
"Come on, since ya wanted it so bad, read me those divorce papers," Toji handed you the stack of papers, pointing to where you'd signed your initials just a couple hours prior. Your hands shook as you held the papers, your vision blurry as you tried to make out the legal jargon in front of you. Even the simplest of words seemed all too complicated to try to make out.
"T-Toji, I can't," your voice cracked, your grip on the papers tightening when his cock reached all that much deeper inside of you. Toji clicked his tongue, peering over your shoulder to read the first sentence from the document. "That's not what it says ma, try again."
"Without all the stuttering too."
You took a deep breath, willing yourself to focus on the words in front of you instead of Toji's cock sinking further and further into you. "S-Says that the divorce agreement was made today between us," you clutched the sheets tighter, your eyes almost rolling back when Toji bottomed out inside of you. The tip of his cock dripping precum, your walls fluttering as you tried to get adjusted.
"Mm, yeah, keep goin'," Toji really couldn't care—his focus solely on the way that your cunt stretched out to fit his cock. Leaking around his shaft, loud squelches when he pulled out overplaying whatever shitty soap opera was playing. "And what'd I say about the s-stuttering?" Toji mocked your words, his own hips stuttering mere seconds later while he tried not to get absorbed in your cunt. Not that it was an easy task by any means.
It was hard, especially with the way that you claimed to be over this marriage despite your pussy claiming otherwise. When you opened your mouth to speak, the only thing that left you was a moan. "F-Fuck Toji, right there," your eyes shut tightly at the touch of his calloused hand making itself in between your legs, his thumb rubbing at your clit in a speed that felt like it combated his own running abilities.
"That's not what it says, c'mon," Toji grabbed your chin with his thumb and pointer, turning your head to face the overwhelmingly long divorce papers. You wouldn't finish tonight if he intended for you to read the whole thing, you knew that much. A harsh slap against your swollen clit made the pleasure coursing through your veins mix with pain, a shaky gasp leaving your kiss-swollen lips.
Drool leaked from the corner of your mouth, the black ink smearing with each drop that fell from your parted lips. Your walls enveloped every inch of his cock perfectly, your cunt holding his cock in a vice-like grip. "That I won't try to t-take your things," you managed to get out, hoping that it would be good enough. You knew the two of you wouldn't finish today if he made you read the never ending stack of papers.
"Good enough," Toji sounded like he would've kept it going if he could, but you set them down as quickly as he spoke. It was almost like Toji was trying to remind you of why you'd fallen in love with him in the first place—the man reverent to your cunt and your cunt only. Every grip of your hips kept you closer and closer to his body, almost as a way for Toji to make sure you weren't slipping away.
"Wh—" Before you had the chance to complain about the loss of contact, Toji had already carried you without a smidge of struggle. His hands hooked underneath your plush thighs, hoisting you up against the wall. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his slutty waist, practically clinging onto him like a koala. "There we go, there's that pretty lil face," Toji placed his pointer underneath your chin, taking in the view in front of him.
The glazed over look in your eyes, the sweat beading up on your forehead, the makeup that he'd successfully ruined—everything about you was just so beautiful. How you tried to avoid looking in his direction for too long. "Don't leave me ma, need you in my life," the words were whispered into your ear, his cock pushing back inside of you in one swift motion. Toji's fingers went back to your throbbing clit, his pointer and middle rubbing against it at the perfect speed.
Not too fast, not too slow, and not too rough.
"Don't ask me to do that," you almost sounded pained as you spoke—not from him filling you up, but for the implication of his words. You'd practically babble anything right now, anything for him to keep going. To forget about the reality that awaits the two of you. Toji's lips found yours in an instant, the exchange between the two of you almost depraved. His mouth was feverish in the way that it moved against yours, like he'd never get the chance again.
Your hand went to the back of his head, pushing him closer against you. Letting yourself forget for just a little while longer. A string of saliva connected your lips to his when you pulled away—only to catch air. "I’m close, Toji, so close," you whined against his lips, your release coating his shaft a mere moments later. Toji only used that as lubricant, his movements quicker against your cunt to chase his own release.
"There's no one else for me, I'll stop goin' to t-the casino, stop gettin' into trouble," Toji had been reduced to a babbling the first thing he pulled out of his ass, if only to get you to stay. His head rested against the junction of your neck, basking in the remnants of proximity that he could get. Shaky breaths left his lips with each thrust of his hips, feeling himself getting closer and closer. "You've been saying that since we've been married."
"I mean it this time, I promise," you'd never heard a lie sound so pretty slipping from someone's lips before until now.
He bit down on the side of your neck, hard. Not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to where you'd probably have to use a tube of concealer to even attempt to cover up the bruising mark. Causing you problems even now. But you'd be lying if the sudden act of possessiveness had your walls clenching against him even tighter, if that was even possible anymore.
His cock was barely moving against the tight grip you held around his shaft, his pace stuttering. "Fuck, fuck, so tight," Toji let out a loud groan, completely at the will of your pussy. He threw his head back, a light shade of pink dusting his cheeks in this lighting. Ropes and ropes of cum decorated your cunt, his softening length snug inside of you. Toji ended up pulling out a couple moments later, scooping the drops of cum that leaked down your thighs with his finger.
Toji was shameless in the way that he stuck the finger in his mouth, a low moan leaving his lips at the combined taste of him and you. Before your rationality came back, before you got the chance to even think about regretting this, you leaned in and crashed your lips against his own. Tasting yourself on his tongue. The kiss lingered between the two of you more than it needed to, it was less rushed than the prior ones you'd shared.
Like a last taste.
"So, you still want to get that divorce?" Toji knew you would've just babbled whatever for him to keep going, saving the question until now. His movements were almost reluctant as he pulled his pants over his legs once again, making little attempt to fix up his hair. If anything, his fingers only ended up messing the strands even more. Despite knowing the answer deep down, Toji still held out hope. That maybe you'd had some eye-opening moment while he was balls-deep.
You stood up properly, looking over at the ruined sheets on the table before looking back over at him. "I do," you spoke after a couple seconds, grabbing your tattered panties from the floor and smoothing over your dress. Trying to maintain whatever semblance of dignity you had left. Even if it was probably just as tattered up as your underwear at this point.
"Why? You know I love you. You know that you love me. So why should we get separated?" You did know that. But you also weren't sure that he'd ever loved you enough to consider changing. To consider the fact that you needed some sort of affection outside of sex.
"Because you think that somehow every problem between us can be resolved with sex. You say that you want to do better and yet, you never do. It doesn't even feel like you're my husband half of the time," all the bottled up feelings from the past couple months spilled out of you in a manner of seconds. All the bottled up thoughts that maybe you should've told your husband about earlier. Though, you weren't even sure if Toji would've paid it any mind.
And almost as if he'd read your train of thought, "Why didn't you tell me about all this before just hittin' me with divorce papers?"
"Because the few times that I did, you told me to stop bitching. That I shouldn't have anything to complain about with a roof over my head and a fridge full of food," you started off, almost waiting for him to deny what you were saying, "And while I'm not saying that I'm not thankful for those things, I also don't want to feel ungrateful for saying that I miss my husband."
Silence lingered between the two of you, each second that passed by only confirming what the two of you already knew by now. That a divorce wasn't such a far-fetched idea. Toji knew there wasn't left to even attempt fighting for, so he simply just told you, "I'll sign 'em when you get the new ones."
#starzradio ✐ᝰ#↻ ◁ || ▷ ↺ streaming: toji fushiguro#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen smut#toji fushiguro#toji fushiguro x female reader#toji fushiguro smut#fushiguro toji#fushiguro toji smut#toji fanfic#toji fushiguro x reader#toji fushiguro x you#toji fushiguro x y/n#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#toji fushiguro fanfiction#fushiguro toji x reader#fushiguro toji x you#fushiguro toji x y/n#fushiguro toji x female! reader#x reader smut#x you smut#toji smut#toji x reader#toji x you#toji x y/n#toji x female reader#toji x f!reader
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Silent Night
Summary - You're back from college for the holidays, and you've decided on exactly what you want for Christmas - Joel Miller's cock.
A/N: this was such a last minute fic im ngl rn. wasn't even planning on posting a Christmas fic, let alone my FIRST dbf joel miller smut?? anyway, i hope everyone enjoys. happy Christmas<3
Pairing: dbf!Joel Miller x f!reader
Word count: 3k
Warnings: smut, some good ole daddy kink, age gap (20+ years), Joel is pretty pervy in this, alcohol, divorce mentions. Not proofread because I'm tired
DO NOT COPY THIS FIC IN ANY WAY PLS AND TY.
When you left for college all that time ago, Joel didn't have any strong feelings towards you. You were his best friend's kid, so naturally he saw you often, and got close with you. You were a sweet kid, kind, smart (more than him, he reckoned), and very.. determined when you wanted to be.
Now you're back for Christmas, and as he sees you exiting your dad's car, hurrying over to him, yelling “Joel! Joel! Oh, I missed you so much!” he realises how fucked up his mind might be.
Any normal guy who was reuniting with a girl he'd known since she was a teenager, and a girl he had at least 20 years on, would not be looking at how her tits bounced in her crop top, or how her leggings were tight enough to let him see just how perfect your ass was.
But Joel wasn't normal, he wasn't a good man, so he was looking for all of those things. If he'd actually been looking at your face, maybe he'd have seen you smirking. Maybe he'd have realised you wore those clothes for exactly this reason.
-
Joel, or dad's best buddy, Mr Miller, as you'd known him until you were 16 and couldn't be bothered to pay respect to your elders, had been a part of your life for a while.
Ever since your mom took off, Joel was coming around far more often and, in his own gruff and quiet way, was taking care of you more than your own father was at the time.
Nowadays, you didn't really have any resentment towards your father because of this - he'd just gotten divorced, he was going through a rough time.
But teenage you definitely did, and having Joel step in like that definitely left you with mixed feelings.
If things weren't the way they were back then, you'd probably have developed this all-encompassing crush on him even earlier.
When you were leaving for college though, the crush suddenly dived into your life, crashing down and muddling up everything you thought you knew about yourself.
Now, as you returned back home at last, you knew you had to have him, or you feared you might just lose it.
He was everything a girl.. like you, could want right now. Old, brooding, mysterious, and so fucking hot.
So as you hopped over to him where he stood in his front lawn, you made sure to hug him tight and make sure he could really feel that you weren't wearing a bra. You knew he was looking already, so why not let him feel it?
He hesitated for a moment - probably struggling with his boner which you swore you could already feel - before bringing his arms around you and clapping you on the back.
“I missed you so much, Mr Miller.” You hum sweetly, looking up at him through your eyelashes. His own eyes almost flutter shut at the name you chose to use for him, and he manages to choke out a soft missed ya too, darlin’.
That darlin’ would be enough to make you come tonight.
Your dad finally turns around after unloading your luggage and turning the car off, greeting Joel before the two of you head to your house.
-
The next day, it's Christmas Eve. Dinner rolls around, and you check over your makeup one more time. You don't want it to be too much - it would look weird, considering it was only Joel coming over (your dad was a solitary creature) - but you still had to look good for him.
The doorbell rings and you almost trip down the stairs. “I'll get it, dad!” You yell, and he thanks you, completely unaware of your motives.
You open the door, biting back a smirk when Joel immediately looks you up and down, only just managing to tear his eyes away from your chest.
“Hi, Mr Miller. It's so good to see you.” You smile sweetly.
“Hi, sweetheart… told ya y’dont have ta call me that. Joel's fine.” He says softly, eyes still a little hazy.
You step back to let him inside and immediately take one of the beers he'd brought over once he sets the case down.
“Y’old enough to drink that, honey?” He teases, mind finally out of the gutter for now.
“I'm 21 in like.. a month. It's fineeee.” You smirk, tipping your head back and taking a big swig, showing off the long column of your neck and the swell of your breasts.
His mind is back in the gutter.
Your eyes are off him for now, so he allows him to drink in the sight of you properly. A silly Christmas hat atop your curled, gorgeous hair; red sweater tight around your breasts, little candy-canes dotted around it; your skirt, far too short and he's almost certain you're teasing him now, tights underneath making him want to rip them clean off of you. Your makeup looks perfect, red lips which he knows would look perfect around his cock, mascara which he can picture smudged and ruined from tears and sweat while you fuck-
“Joel, y���made it! Cmon, sit with me.” Your dad grins, and Joel's eyes widen. What the fuck is wrong with him? He cannot be thinking that way about you.
He shakes his head, muttering something to himself before going to sit with your dad.
-
Joel finally thinks he'll have some reprieve from your incessant teasing, letting out a tired sigh as he sits on the couch, your dad on the armchair.
“Tired already, old man?” Your dad teases.
“You're older than me, asshole.” Joel grunts, earning him a chuckle.
Just then, you appear in the doorway. Of course, of-fucking-course, you'd decide to watch TV with them tonight. It's soccer, for Christ's sake, you'd always get bored out of your mind and run upstairs to go on your phone whenever the game was on.
Not today though, much to Joel's dismay.
“What're you watching?” You ask, sitting beside Joel. He tries to mask his discomfort.
“Just soccer hon, I know you don't like-” your dad starts, but you quickly cut him off.
“No, no! It's fine. I'll try watching it tonight.” You smile softly, and settle in to watch.
You clearly get bored after about 5 minutes, sighing softly.
“You really find this interesting?” You murmur to Joel, now having made yourself comfortable on his shoulder. He tried to make himself as stiff as possible when you first lay on him, but you were persistent as always, and he just gave in.
“Ain't nobody forcin’ you to watch it.” He argues, and you keep quiet after that, eventually getting up to go get the food ready.
-
Dinner is yet another trial for Joel. You've gotten just as frustrated and impatient as he is, it seems.
Leaning in front of him when serving the food, giving him a clear view of your tits. Not to mention you never serve food, set the table, but all of a sudden you're acting like little miss helpful today.
‘Accidentally’ dropping a cup and bending over in his eyeshot to pick it up.
Sitting beside him at the table instead of with your dad.
When your hand moves to his thigh, he bolts upright, earning him a look from your dad.
“Bathroom,” is all he can get out before he's rushing upstairs.
“Fucking kid. Thinks she can fuckin’.. pull all this shit with me.. thinks she can act like this in front of her dad.. fuck me.” He mutters to himself, despite undoing his belt and pulling his cock out, barely stifling his groan when he spits on his palm and starts tugging at his length so fast it's almost painful.
His mind conjures up all sorts of unholy images, and he's on the brink of release when- “Mr Miller,” you coo, knocking on the door. “is everything okay? You've been gone for like 10 minutes. Was it something in the food?”
He's so angry, so pent-up, he wants to pull you in here and just fuck that goddamn attitude out of you.
He's deathly silent, flushing, turning on the sink as he pulls his pants up, blue-balled like he'd never been before, and exiting the bathroom.
“Everything is fine.” He grits out, fists clenched as he walks past you. You eye his bulge and smirk before practically skipping down the stairs.
“He said everything's fine, daddy.” You smile to your dad, and he almost collapses. He swears he sees god for a second.
That word coming out of your mouth should absolutely not turn him on like it just did - but it did.
The rest of dinner, he's almost silent, just gulping down beer and chewing on his now cold turkey. You don't try anything with him, actually a little afraid he might just get up and leave.
Instead, you wait until the movie.
Your dad puts Die Hard on, and after a lengthy argument about whether or not it even counts as a Christmas movie, - you insist it's not and will carry that with you to the grave - you settle beside Joel.
Joel thinks he's made it through the worst of the evening, but then you shiver. You shiver again, and then you pout, and he feels obliged to ask.
“Are you cold?”
“Yeah.. can I have some of the blanket?” You whisper. Your dad is practically falling asleep in the armchair.
He goes to hand you the blanket, and you, devious as ever, put it over both of your laps, cuddling up to Joel even more.
He's on full alert right now, stiff as a log, waiting for your next game.
The movie goes on, and then your hand creeps under the sheet. Moving from the side, to your own lap, to his arm, then to his leg-
“What're you-” he grunts, but you just shush him.
“I'm trying to watch the movie, Joel.” You huff, as if your hand isn't on his cock right now.
His eyes are darting between you, the screen, his lap under the blanket, and your dad. Way too much is going on, and as you start palming him, he lets out the most pained groan. He sees you biting your lip and he's so angry, so horny, he doesn't know what to do with himself.
Your dad suddenly wakes up, and the bubble pops. You pretend you're asleep on Joel's shoulder, and you know you've won when Joel tells your dad to just go on up, that he'll make sure she gets to bed.
As soon as your dad's bedroom door shuts, Joel grabs your jaw, glaring at you.
“Exactly what the fuck do you think you're doing, little girl?” He spits, and you giggle softly.
“‘m not doing anyth- ow, Joel!” You whimper when he squeezes your cheeks together.
“You gonna tell the truth now? Gonna answer me properly?” He says, tone and eyes cold as the ice on your driveway.
You nod, trying to stifle your whimper. He eases the grip on your jaw, still holding it, before asking you again.
“What do you think you're doing?” He says through clenched teeth, and you know he's not fucking around anymore.
“I.. I just..” Fuck it, you may as well shoot your shot, otherwise what was the point of everything tonight anyway?
“I wanted you to fuck me, Joel.”
Creak goes the step at the top of your staircase, and you squeak, jumping off the couch as Joel pulls the blanket and a pillow over his lap. You rush upstairs past your dad, hurriedly bidding him goodnight before slamming your door.
“Just came to grab my phone. Everythin' alright..?” He asks, brows furrowed at your skittish behaviour.
Joel nods, and your dad leaves him alone.
His cock has been throbbing for hours. So long that it's actually painful. But now he can't do anything. You and your dad are upstairs, you'll be asleep in 5 minutes, and Joel will just have to pretend it's your pussy wrapped around his length when he fucks his fist in the guest bedroom tonight.
-
Guilt gnaws away at him as he cleans his come off of his hand and stomach, tossing the tissues into the bin before changing into some sweats and managing to fall asleep after half an hour of tossing and turning.
The world seems to hate him, since he wakes up at 2am, heading to the bathroom only to walk past your bedroom and hear you moaning. He can't make out what you're moaning - but he has a good idea - and he's thankful your doors are quiet when he opens the one to your room.
You're facing away from the door, legs spread, face in your pillow as your hips buck, fingers working your pussy furiously.
“Joel, Joel, fuck-” you gasp, whimpering as you get close.
Fuck this.
If he didn't get to come for the entire evening, you did not get to come right now.
He walks over to you, morales abandoned, and growls your name.
You squeak, biting your lip as you turn and look at him. You'd been so close, but now you're too petrified to finish.
“Joel, I-”
“Not another word.”
It's the last thing he says before he flips you back onto your stomach, pushing your head down into the pillows.
“You're gonna be a good girl and shut the fuck up while I fuck this needy pussy. You understand me?”
You part your lips to reply, earning a spank to your ass.
“Can't fuckin’ listen, can ya? No talking, baby.”
You nod, whimpering as he pushes your head back down and pulls your soaked panties off, tossing them onto the floor.
“Fuck, look at her. Drippin’ for me, ain't she? Didn't know you were such a slut, babygirl.” He teases, knuckles dragging along your slit, and you cry into the pillow, hips bucking back against his hand.
Another spank, making you moan, trying to stop your hips from bucking once more.
“You take what you're fucking given. Do you understand me?”
You nod, having learnt from your mistakes.
“Good girl. Knew you could listen for me.” He coos, before he's thrusting two of his thick fingers into your dripping heat.
You gasp and whine, moaning his name into the pillow, almost tearing your sheets with how hard you grip them.
“That's right.. moan my name. Fuckin’ slut.” He grunts, head ducking down to tease your clit with his tongue. You almost lose it, starting to clench hard and fast around his fingers. You're right on the edge when he pulls away.
“Joel!” You practically sob, deflating as your orgasm drifts away.
“Shh, shh. You thought you could tease me all night and still get off? Y’thought wrong, honey.” He coos, mocking, pulling down his sweatpants and slicking up his cock with your wetness, giving you no warning as he starts to push in.
“Ohh, fuck. Knew you'd be tight for me, baby. That's it, good girl.” He groans, bottoming out. He allows you to cry his name into the pillow, but when he starts really fucking you, it gets too much.
He pulls out to the tip before slamming back into you, making you almost scream, back arching and hips bucking - unsure if you want him to get out, or fuck you even harder.
He decides for you, starting to pound into you. The only sounds in the room are your broken moans, his heavy breathing, and the rhythmic slapping of skin on skin.
“Joel- Joel- pl-please I'm gonna come- please Daddy-” you moan, and his hips stutter before he's pulling you up by your hair, his back to your chest when he resumes his aggressive thrusts.
“Shut- the fuck- up.” He pants in-between thrusts, and you whimper, brows drawing together as you get close. He starts rubbing your clit and you see stars, unable to stop yourself from coming.
“Fuckfuckfuck yes, yes daddy- oh my god-” you sob, before he's pulling out and manhandling you onto your back, thrusting back inside to the hilt, palm covering your mouth.
“You better shut up right now unless you want your real daddy to wake up, find us here like this-” you curse silently when you clench around him at the thought - what is wrong with you?
“Oh, you like that? Dirty fucking girl. Such a slut for daddy, huh?” You clench tighter at that, and his thrusts speed up, pace irregular. “Yeah, you fuckin’ like that.”
His hand leaves your mouth and you cover it yourself, not wanting to anger him anymore.
“‘s okay, baby.” He murmurs, taking your hand from your mouth and leaning down to kiss you. As he does, his hand goes to your clit, and you moan loudly, muffled slightly by the kiss, as your back arches off the bed and you come so hard you see stars, setting off his own release and making him groan, biting your shoulder as he fills you up.
It's quiet for a moment, save for your shared panting, before he pulls out.
“Fuck, honey..” he murmurs, watching your shared fluids dribble out of your cunt, gathering them up on his fingers and pushing them back into your tight hole.
“Made such a mess, didn't we?” He says softly, brushing your hair away from your eyes as you giggle softly, nodding.
“That was so good.” You whisper, and he nods, gathering you up in your arms.
“Joel, you can't stay in here-” you mutter, confused.
“Just relax, honey. I'll leave in the mornin’. Just let me hold you for now.”
You're utterly perplexed, but you're definitely not complaining, swallowed up by his warmth and drifting off within a minute.
-
The next morning, you're opening presents, and you bite your lip when he reads his card from you. At the bottom, you'd added - come to my room afterwards for the second part of your gift - and when he comes upstairs afterwards, it's safe to say he doesn't leave for a good hour.
Dividers by @adornedwithlight <3
Thank you sm for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated! Have a good Christmas everyone!! ❤️
#pedro pascal#pedro pascal characters#joel miller#the last of us#tlou hbo#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller angst#joel miller imagine#joel miller tlou#joel miller fic#joel tlou#joel x reader#joel miller fluff#joel miller comfort#joel miller fan fiction#joel miller fanfic#joel miller one shot#joel miller smut#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x reader#joel miller x reader smut#joel miller x you#the last of us smut#the last of us fic#tlou#tlou fanfiction#amyispxnk fics#pedro pascal character#pedro pascal fandom
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Okay, here it goes. So, there's been this one thing that I was thinking about for quite a while. Almost a month, actually. Yes-yes, you guessed it, it's about s2 again. BUT!! With a twist. Let me show you what I mean
S2 introduced us to the (terrible) Vander's "apology" letter, a(n awful) flashback in The Last Drop, and the main element of our tonight's analysis - a (horrific) True Reason™️ for Vander and Silco's split up. In it we can see Silco throwing a molotov at enforcers and that led to F*licia dying. This enraged Vander and he tried to kill Silco. And what's wrong with that, you ask? Well, that was what I was asking myself as well. Because no matter how hard I thought about it I couldn't find a valid reason Why this feels wrong to me. So I went "Welp. Fine. Some things I just don't personally vibe with" but THEN. It Finally Hit Me. The thing that bothers me about this "reason" the most is the thematic dissonance.
Let's start from the very start (again). In season 1 ep2 Silco tells Deckard that "there's a monster inside all of us". See? This is a key phrase here. "There IS a monster inside all of us" meaning that no matter who you are, a hero or a villain or something in-between, there's ALREADY a living monster inside you. Let's take a look at a couple of examples. Vander let his monster out for a long time, hence why he became "The Hound of the Underground", but it didn't bother anyone since he was "the good guy" beating "the bad guys" up. Jinx showed her monster a little since she was young, and we can see it in how she was trying to make a working bomb with needles in it, but nobody paid attention to it since none of them worked. Deckard's monster was out and proud, but everyone was mocking him because he was weak. Mel let her monster take over her thoughts when she wanted to make Piltover her greatest creation no matter the price, even when the price was the lives of countless Zaunites. I think you get the picture. But why then Silco, the character who introduced us to this theme Himself, couldn't have one when he was young? What is the purpose of making him completely innocent? To make us sympathize with him more? Well, that's certainly a cheap trick, because people who wanted to emphasize with him already did so since season 1, and those who didn't probably won't do this even after the flashback. "Corrupted innocence" is not a bad trope, but like I showed with previous examples, it doesn't really mesh well with Arcane's world and other main characters. So, why not make it so Silco started to slowly let his monster come out to the surface, but Vander was so terrified of it that he decided to kill it no matter what it took? Because remember, the way Vander tried to kill Silco was EXTREMELY violent. It is very likely that he didn't want to take any chances with what he wanted to do.
Well that's all good and sound, you can say, but something isn't quite right here. Isn't the season 1 finale's title "The monster you created"? Why, you're completely right, my dear friend who is the other part of me I let to speak. But the thing is, these two themes coexist with each other, and moreover, they CAN'T exist without each other. There Is a monster inside all of us, ever since we're born really, but as we grow up and experience new things and meet new people more of these monsters can be created, or it can fuel the existing monster to become bigger and bigger (which still counts as creating tbf). Let's look back to the examples I provided earlier. Jinx was a little violent when she was a child, but then she experienced betrayal, grief, resentment etc, and they became her monsters as well, finally fusing into one in season 1's finale. Deckard's monster required only a little more power to become really terrifying. But there are a couple of characters who behaved themselves differently with their monsters. Because even tho there is a monster inside us, but like Victor said: "There's always a choice". You can love and nurture the monster, encourage it to become bigger and bigger, or you can try to ignore it, to seal it deep within yourself, until it finally bursts out, or you can accept it, live with it at peace and not let it influence you at the same time. That's precisely what Silco, Vander and Mel did, exactly in this order. And that's what makes the story all the richer and interesting, because characters deal with the same situation very differently.
So after all of this bunch of text I can finally and confidently say: s2's explanation for Vander and Silco's falling out is complete bullocks. Not only it cheapens the conflict between them itself, but also robs Silco and the story overall of their complexity and separates them from one of the main themes introduced in season 1. With that, dear audience, I bow out. Have a good night
#achievement unlocked: became more insane#i love when i have arguments because ppl stopped respecting the hate grind smh /hj#no but really. it was interesting to think about#silco arcane#vander arcane#arcane critical#arcane#arcane season 2#don't tag as ship
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Visiting an old friend
Rosquez, Vale & Sic
25.12 Winter writing
Content information: the following writing includes Vale talking to Sic at his grave (no counter interaction). If this is something you're not comfortable with or that might triggers you, do not read.
I know some people or more hesitant when it comes to these topic. I don't mean any disrespect. I wrote this as part of a coping mechanism.
"Hey buddy, long time no seen" Vale said as he sat down opposite his old friend. "And I am completely aware that this is all my fault. So I apologize"
He smiled and felt the warmth he got in return. The other wasn't angry. He never was. He was just happy he was here now.
"You know, I... Funny story. I actually still thought our little meetings were a secret from Marc. But my dear husband told me to tell you that he says hi"
He remembered just a little bit earlier. "Give me a little bit time" he had whispered at Marc's ear when he kissed him awake. It was the early hours in the morning. 5.30 am. But he couldn't keep sleeping and he didn't want to miss Christmas breakfast with their little ones.
"I promise you I'm back in 2 hours" he kissed him again and saw his husband's calm smile as he nodded. "I know." he whispered as he burried his head back in the cushion. Soon enough their little whirlwinds would wake up and the peace was on the past.
He was just about to leave, already changed and the car keys in the pocket when Marc added "Tell him I said hi, will you? Tell him we miss him."
He felt a sadness pool in his stomach. All this time, every time he had made up a dumb excuse why he had to leave for a few hours weren’t needed. Of course he knew. And he had been respectful about it and didn't ask.
He smiled at him. It had been the perfect response. "I will"
And now he sat opposite him again.
"So... Hi from Marc. They miss you" he said and leaned back. "I miss you too..." he started to feel sad but right now he dint wasn't to be sad.
He quickly changed the subject. "Especially cause you'd have a field day with the way I stress out over the races at the moment" he chuckled.
"Seriously. My dear, sweet husband - Don't get me wrong. I am overjoyed that he's doing better and he's feeling happy on the bikes again. Finally he got that spark back, you know what I mean - and oh, we fuck like rabbits again. The boys already judge me for asking them to babysit that often.
He remembered Luca's and Pecco's looks after asking if they would like some uncles - nieces bonding time after Marc won his first race in years.
"But he's back to riding like - well almost like he used to. I can't imagine he'll be more careful next year. For the record I am not complaining! I am 100% supporting him. It's just - he'll be on a factory Ducati so I feel like I'm going to be gray a lot sooner than I thought"
He was almost as happy as he was concerned about him on a Ducati. But he could finally fight a title and he wouldn't be the one stopping him.
"I just feel sorry for Pecco. Bet he's going to complain to me the whole year. 10€!" He knew the other would accept that bet. He grinned.
"But at least I have an argument against Marc now. Okay, to his credit, he's more... I wouldn't say more careful on track but he's less stupid. Yes, that's it. Our little princess really keep him grounded. You should see him. He comes home and is immediately hugging and cuddling them"
He grinned, remembering how his little girls had tried to stay awake until their papa returned. Just when he had heard the car pull up, he had softly woken them up.
He had let them go first and just after seconds, the bags abandoned in the car, Marc had both his arms full with their little girls. He had kissed and hugged them and kissed them some more.
Vale ended up talking a lot about his little family and their adventures since his last visit. Then he went on about his other children.
"Ah and Franky - you wouldn't believe it. He finally got his shit together and asked Andrea out. Took him only 13 years or so of pinning. I bet that's a new record" he laughed.
"And now Marc is working on getting Cele and Bez together. I promise you, he should have been a dating coach."
He let time pass. The conversation was flowing. He talked about everything he could think off until there was nothing left. He didn't had anything else sitting on his soul.
That might be the worst and best moment of the whole visit. He knew there was nothing left to say. He didn't feel guilty about leaving. On the contrary, he felt lighter, more free. He was happy to see his family and spent Christmas together.
"I guess, it's time" he said, standing up. "Take care, will you? Be kind. Promise me, you're not causing too much of a chaos, amiche. Maybe a little. A little is needed but don't overdue it."
He laughed about his own words. "Do you hear that? I'm really getting old. But anyway..."
He leaned down and gave him a kiss on the forehead. But his lips didn't met skin. He didn't even met the thick curls they used to touch. He felt the cold stone against his lips.
"I miss you, my friend. Really. Terribly. But I'll take my time to meet you again properly. But when I do meet you again and you give me a big hug, I'll have thousand of stories to tell you."
Looking at the stone infront of him for one last time. He knew he would be here again in a week to whish him a happy new year.
"And sent Nicky my greeting too, alright?" he said. "Merry christmas Marco "
He smiled at the stone, imagining it wasn't just his name and the letters and numbers that used to hunt him in his sleep but the man himself standing infront of him before he drove him for Christmas.
Marco Simoncelli
20.01.1987 - 23.10.2011
#motogp#marc marquez#valentino rossi#rosquez#motogp rpf#winter writing#ray's writing#marco simoncelli
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From @littleoldrachel
From @littleoldrachel to @sofasurf
Let your heart be light
“I just don’t understand why you leave it to the last minute every year, Allie.”
Alan’s bedroom is an explosion of wrapping paper in a garish glitter snowman print. Every attempt to manoeuvre it has only cascaded silver glitter into every crevice of the fluffy carpet—or worse, burrowed into Alan’s palms, no matter how many times he’s scrubbed them. Strings of gold ribbon, webs of sticky tape, and an assortment of gifts lie tangled at the centre of the mess, with at least four pairs of open scissors perfectly positioned to do some damage.
The paper he’d thought was so cute when he ordered it online is now haunting him—most disturbing were the trails of glitter that swilled around his shower water earlier. (He also doubts that it fills his rescuees with reassurance when he leaves sparkly handprints on them as he lifts them out of whatever horrifying situation they’ve found themselves in. Although… the little girl who’d asked him very earnestly if he was a fairy since he was leaving such a shimmery trail made the whole thing rather more cute than annoying.)
Still, curse Gordon for encouraging Alan's poor wrapping paper decisions.
“Please, Scott,” Alan wheedles. He hesitates, then pulls out the big guns and widens his eyes to pouting proportions. “I'll never get this done in time without you.”
Scott rolls his eyes, but he does inch forward from where he's leaned against the door jamb, his crossed arms loosening slightly.
“It's ten to midnight. Christmas Day is literally minutes away, Allie,” Scott says, and Alan can tell he's trying to channel Commander Tracy—if only he could contain his fond smirk.
“It'll be faster if we work together!” Alan blinks slowly and deliberately, puppy-dog eyes unwavering.
“Quit trying to be cute.”
“It's a lost cause!” Gordon's voice calls out from the hallway, and Alan is so intent on flinging himself across the room to hide the squid's present from view that he doesn't even have the time to be indignant.
Scott frowns and turns. “Why aren't you in bed?”
Gordon's unruly mop of golden curls appears in the gap. “The mother-henning again, Scotty? Really?”
Scott ignores this. “You're usually first in bed on Christmas. I remember this because you were always the first one to come bounding into my room at four in the morning, shrieking about what Satan had brought you.”
“Satan?” Alan yelps.
“Hey, dyslexia is a cruel mistress!” Gordon scowls. “I liked it better when we were making fun of Allie-”
“I didn't-”
“But if you must know, I was checking on Virg.”
Scott straightens at once, every bit the soldier he once was. (Alan sort of hates it, if he's honest; it feels painful how easily the Commander comes out, even in the one place they are supposed to get to be soft and safe.)
“What's wrong with Virgil?”
“Stand down, soldier.” Gordon yawns so hard his jaw crackles. “Virg is fine. He took a few knocks on this afternoon's rescue, and I just wanted to check he wasn't doing his usual stoic thing.”
Scott frowns. “He didn't mention that in the debrief-”
“Virg hiding injuries? Gee, I wonder where he learned that,” Gordon says dryly, and Alan snorts. “He's fine, Scott. Just bruised and cranky.”
“I'll check in on him in a bit,” Scott says, more to himself than anyone else, and Gordon shoots Alan an exasperated eye roll that has him grinning. Then, Gordon's eyes rove over the disaster site that is Alan's room, and his eyes widen. It's a mark of how tired he must be that he doesn't even quip, just slowly backs away from the mess. “On that note, g’night!”
Alan waits till Gordon's door has closed before he clambers up off Gordon's gift: a truly hideous Christmas jumper decorated with a Santa Claus riding a flamingo float.
Alan's gifts to his brothers are always the most heinous jumpers he can find - after all, what on earth do you give a family made up of billionaires? - and the public loves the annual auction of the jumpers as part of the Tracy family charity drive. He's pretty proud of himself for this year's effort.
“The sooner you help me, the sooner you can go and bother Virg,” Alan says sweetly, holding up the scissors to Scott.
Scott lets out a put-upon sigh, but he's never been able to resist his littlest brother – as Alan well knows – and he takes the scissors reluctantly.
“Fine, but I'm tagging you in on helping Grandma with the lunch tomorrow.”
Alan pulls a face. He adores his grandmother with his whole heart and soul, and yet her incompetency in the kitchen is nothing short of deadly. Still, if it means an end to the scratchiness of glitter on his skin, he'll go for it.
“Deal.”
*
Twenty minutes later and faced with a wrapped jumper that looks more like a piece of crumpled trash than a gift, Alan is regretting his recruitment choices. They’d massively underestimated the size of the paper they would need and had been forced to attach another sheet at a strange angle to cover the gift, leaving the snowmen oddly distorted.
“I thought you'd be good at this,” he says despairingly, poking at where the wrapping paper has bunched and torn. “Isn't the army big on neatness?”
Scott slaps his hand away. “You're making it worse! I'm just out of practice.” He has glitter smeared in his eyebrows from his constant head-in-hands-exasperation, and it's the kind of ridiculousness that pours warmth into his chest; they may all be public figures, and they may have had their grief made an aching, public thing, but only Alan and his brothers get to witness Scott Tracy being silly.
“Scotty, you have five siblings; how can you possibly be out of practice?”
There's an awkward pause as Alan tries – to no avail – to fold down the corners of the lumpy package. When it finally clicks that Scott hasn't come back with a witty retort (and Alan's tired, okay? Three back-to-back rescues and his brain has turned to soup), Alan looks up sharply.
“I usually get Virg to do mine,” Scott admits grudgingly, and Alan gapes. “He likes it!” Scott adds defensively, shuffling his stance in a very un-Scott-like move. “Says he finds it ‘mindful’ or whatever.”
“Great! Then I'll ask him to do mine!” Alan scoops up an armful of crumpled wrapping paper and tangled ribbon, making to stand.
Scott laughs. “Not so fast, kiddo. Virg may or may not be injured—and even if he weren't, he has a strict deadline for wrapping applications.”
Alan's mouth moves silently, trying to catch up. “How long has this been going on?”
“About… five years?” Scott scrunches his nose. “Maybe longer?”
“And why am I only hearing about it now?”
Scott shrugs. “It didn’t start as a whole thing; I was getting more and more stressed about not being ready for Christmas with all the Tracy Industry stuff, and it was when he was following me around like a shadow because he was worried, and then he just helped… and kept helping.” Scott shifts his weight again and places the next jumper – John’s – in the centre of a fresh sheet of paper. “And then Gordon cottoned on, and–"
“What?!” Alan’s outrage is like the sharp sting of a torn-off scab. “Gordon knows and he didn’t tell me?”
Scott blinks at him. “We all know, Allie. John found out… somehow, because he’s John. Kayo walked in on Virg wrapping all her birthday presents. Didn't you always wonder why the presents we give Virg are wrapped like shit, and ours belong in a gallery?”
“I can't believe there's been an underground present-wrapping operation this whole time.”
Scott grins and shakes his head. “I can’t believe you didn’t figure it out, Mr Built-A-Damn-Rocket-At-Twenty-Years-Old.” He’s folding the paper around the jumper more carefully this time, creasing sharp folds instead of simply rolling it. “Hold,” he says, and Alan obediently presses his hand over where the paper meets. Scott places a tiny square of tape over the join, and Alan frowns.
“We’re going to need more than that, Scotty. You know we can afford more tape if we run out?”
“Do you want my help or not?” Scott says, elbowing him. He does grudgingly place another piece alongside it, though.
There’s a brief lull between them as they focus their efforts on the present, which is looking considerably less Frankenstein’s monster-like than their first attempt, even if they have reams of paper left over.
“You’re right, though, I did use to be better at this,” Scott says quietly. “Someone had to be after mom—well… let’s just say that dad wasn’t exactly great at being there to pick up this kind of thing.”
Alan’s heart clenches, the familiar wounded creature that it is. Scott rarely talks about the time after mom’s death—and usually, only in relation to the impact it had on Virgil (an all-consuming, terrifying depression) and John (vicious intrusive thoughts and anxiety). He and Gordon had been too young to remember things being any different, but with the benefit of hindsight, Alan can recognise how tough it must have been. It’s uncommon for Scott to talk about what that was like for him: the lynchpin to bind them together with too young hands for such a burden. Alan feels a little like he’s handling a frightened animal in the face of Scott’s pain, but he makes an interested noise in his throat, allowing Scott to shift his hands wherever he’s needed.
“It was rough, sometimes,” Scott allows. His voice is soft and his expression distant. “I didn’t want you and Gords and Johnnie to miss out on any of the Christmas build-up stuff – and Grandma tried to be there – but I was only a teenager. Sometimes, even now when I’m wrapping gifts, I can feel that stressed boy, juggling nativity plays and gifts for teachers and Christmas jumper days–" He cuts himself off sharply. “Sorry, you don’t want to hear all this.”
“I do,” Alan says, and the desperation bleeds into his tone more than he wishes. “I do want to hear it—I’m… I’m sorry we didn’t realise how much it was for you to manage.”
“You were four, Allie, I didn’t want you to realise.”
“Still.” His arms tingle with the urge to fling them around his oldest brother, to brush his thumbs under the eyebag-crevices he’s too young to have, to smooth the crinkle of his brow. Instead, he stares down at the paper beneath his hands and swallows. “I wish you talked about it more.”
Scott pauses, fingers hovering over where he’s poised to place the final strip of tape. “I’m trying to. Virg tells me I shouldn’t keep it all bottled up.”
“Yeah well. He’s pretty smart, you know?”
Scott laughs, and the movement softens his forehead and creases the lines around his mouth. It’s lovely. It’s as it should be. “I know.” He sits back on his haunches and the two of them survey their handiwork.
It’s a great improvement on their first attempt, even if all the extra paper ended up bunched and bulky around the edges. Scott ties a ribbon around it lengthways, and Alan slaps on a sparkly bow.
“I think we nailed it,” Scott says, eyes twinkling.
The bow promptly falls off the parcel.
Alan scowls, reattaching it more forcefully—enough that he feels the centre of it click and then a horrid, tinny version of Jingle Bells starts playing. Alan and Scott stare at it in horror as a children’s choir begins yowling over the top of the music, and Alan reaches out to try and stop the caterwauling.
“No!” Scott seizes his wrist, eyes wide. “Don’t make it start again!”
As the final line rings out, the bow plops off the parcel again and Scott’s eyes narrow. “It’s fucking with us.”
“Language!” Alan says gleefully, and Scott nudges him.
“It’s cursed, Allie, I’m telling you—”
“Don’t be silly.” He applies featherlight pressure to the bow this time, but as his hand moves away, the song starts up again. “I didn’t even press it!”
The music plays through once… and then immediately starts up again.
Scott and Alan exchange a look, and then the corner of Scott’s mouth twitches and it’s enough. Alan bursts out laughing – loud, hysterical sounds that frankly improve the awful music – with Scott close behind him. The music chunters on cheerfully in the background, but Alan is warm with sheer delight at the expression on Scott’s face, the way he’s bent double with the force of his laughter, how light he seems for the first time in months.
“You’re right – it’s haunted,” Alan manages, which only sets Scott off again. In the background, the song stutters on way-ay-ay-ay-ay, like some crazy club remix.
“Why – did you get – singing ones?” Scott wheezes through laughter, and all Alan can do is shake his head.
Eventually, as the music grows tinnier and tinnier, Scott staggers up and flings the cursed decoration through Alan’s balcony doors, until it lands with a plop in the pool. He turns back to Alan, grinning so wide and wild that Alan feels giddy all over again.
Seeing his brothers happy fills his heart to the brim, but seeing Scott happy—it’s molten gold flowing into every last crack and chip in his chest, leaving him warm and light and whole. He wants to capture this moment in a glass jar and hold it close on his darkest nights. He wants to lock away this memory and protect it against the future versions of Scott who will be stern and burnt out and beaten down. He just wants Scott to be happy.
It’s an impossible dream. Or at least, an impossible consistent dream; after all, Scott has surely the most stressful job in the world and sends his brothers out into the field every single day without being able to know for sure that they will return. He plays both mother and father, presents the perfect CEO, offers the ideal PR needed—it’s too much for anyone to hold and be happy. Scott is the first to admit that there are always people they can’t save, always situations they can’t control, and always moments that are missed (even if his hypocritical arse won’t accept that itself).
But Alan can start with this—with Christmas. With family and presents and ridiculous wrapping paper. And maybe – maybe – it will be enough for now.
*
BANG!
Alan jolts awake so fast that black spots burst in his vision as he sits up. Scott is already on his feet beside him, ever the soldier, tiredness cast off like a cloak.
“Whoops.” Their grandma’s voice floats up to them, and the brothers exchange a look before Scott offers a hand to Alan.
“My money’s on a cooking disaster,” Scott says conspiratorially, and Alan sort of hates him for being so awake at this moment.
Alan groans as he accepts the proffered hand, his own free hand rubbing at his aching neck. The two of them had finally fallen asleep around two in the morning, slumping into a messy pile surrounded by wrapping paper and decorations. Alan feels considerably worse for wear as he rubs glitter from his eyelashes, but he allows Scott to pull him from the room in the direction of their grandma’s mumbled cursing.
“What time is it?” he yawns, wincing as his thumb hits a particularly sore knot in his neck.
Scott casts him a pitying look. “You’re too young to be aching like this, Allie.”
“Yeah, Allie. Spare a thought for the old man over here,” Gordon’s voice is gleeful as he slings an arm over Alan’s shoulder and nods at Scott. “And it’s just gone eight.”
Scott flips Gordon off over his shoulder, which only makes Gordon grin wider still. He’s just in swimming trunks and still drips pool water across the corridor, skin cool against Alan’s sleep-sensitive arms.
Their smiles fade as they round the corner to the kitchen, where they see Grandma staring helplessly at the oven – a scary enough prospect on its own – from which black smoke is pouring. The glass has shattered inwards, and a thick, acrid stench fills the air. The three boys freeze for a fraction of a second before Scott and Gordon leap into action, flinging open the oven door and yanking out a charred and blackened unidentifiable mess.
Grandma blinks in confusion. “I was just preheating the oven for the turkey,” she says. “What’s my Christmas cake doing in there?”
Gordon widens his eyes at Alan from behind Grandma’s back, his message clear: DO NOT SPILL THE BEANS. Alan does his best to blink innocently back at Grandma—to pretend that he and Gordon didn’t hide it in the oven earlier this week to avoid having to eat any and risk their stomach linings.
“Well?” Grandma turns to look at Gordon, who quickly schools his features into something bewildered. “Care to explain?”
Thankfully, Virgil chooses that moment to stumble into the kitchen, beelining for the coffee machine. He stabs blearily at the buttons before Scott takes pity and sorts his espresso. Virgil blinks dopily at Scott in response, patting his head tiredly and slinking over to the island stools.
“Morning, Virg,” Gordon says brightly, and Virg grunts something in response.
“I’m very well, thank you so much for asking. And a merry Christmas to you, too!” Gordon continues, and Alan sees Scott bite back a smile.
“What happened to the oven?!” John joins them, pale and sleepy-looking but far more awake than his older brother.
“Someone ruined my Christmas cake—and now the oven is broken!” Grandma says, and her gaze flits to the turkey sitting on the side, ready to be roasted.
Alan frowns. “But how will we roast the turkey now?”
There’s an awkward pause. “Are you sure it’s broken?” Scott asks, crouching to examine the nobs and dials. He twists a few experimentally, and the oven belches out an almighty groan of more black smoke. “Okay! Message received!”
Scott stands and glances over at Virgil. “Virg, can you take a look at it?”
Virgil shoots Scott a look over the rim of his mug. “You want me to glass-blow a new oven door?” Alan had forgotten how sarky early morning Virgil can be and he loves it.
“Virg.”
Virgil downs the remainder of his piping hot coffee and stands. It takes him all of two seconds to declare the oven out of action: “It needs at least three replacement parts, even if the door were reparable,” he tells them, the wonders of coffee returning a sharp precision to his tone. “I can make a version of those parts, but it’ll take too long for today.”
“What are we going to do?!” Alan yelps, flushing as everyone turns to look at him.
“We could… have a barbecue?” Gordon suggests, squinting at the prepared turkey. “We could slice it into strips, set up on the beach…”
Scott snaps his fingers at Gordon, smiling wide. “Yes! Great plan—”
“What can I say? Here to save Christmas,” Gordon smirks, grin only widening when his brothers roll their eyes in unison.
*
Several hours later, they have hauled the barbecue down onto a quiet strip of beach, with Brains and Virgil talking quietly as they man the barbecue and bicker about the most effective use of space on the grill. Almost everyone else, bar M.A.X and Grandma (who are lounging on blankets on the sand), has been recruited for a game of chicken fight, with the added challenge of battling the current of the tide as it sweeps in and out.
From atop Kayo’s shoulders, Alan takes out John with ease, grinning as his brother falls off Scott like a puppet with its strings cut.
“Grub’s up!” Virgil yells, and the four of them scatter, hurrying towards the shore. Alan can’t help the bubble of laughter that escapes him as Kayo and Scott become entangled and flop together in the foamy edge of the water.
By the time the two of them are back on dry land, everyone else is tucking into their Christmas lunch, appreciative hums echoing across the group.
“There’s sand in my turkey,” John says with a frown, and Scott laughs.
“Better that than Grandma’s special stuffing recipe. Nearly cracked my tooth with that a while ago.”
John rolls his eyes, but obediently chomps down on the sandy turkey sandwich. He’s a little paler and thinner than his brothers like him to be, but his smile is bright and lovely even through a mouthful of chewed bread and meat.
By nine, the sun has begun to creep towards its bedtime, pouring pink and gold across the sky in a beautiful cascade of colours. The smell of barbecued meat blends with the salty sea air, undercut with the coconutty scent of John’s suncream.
The Tracy family shows no such sign of calling their celebration to an end—Gordon and Scott have roped Kayo and M.A.X into a game of volleyball, with the little robot strangely nimble across the loose sand, whilst John, Brains and Grandma alternate between roasting marshmallows and playing increasingly competitive card games.
It’s nothing like the Christmases Alan grew up watching in movies and on TV, nor is it like the ones his schoolfriends used to wax lyrical about.
Somehow, it’s even better.
(Alan thinks that has a lot to do with how loud Gordon’s laughter booms across the beach, how bright Scott’s smile is, and John’s playful smirk that only ever comes out around those he’s truly comfortable with.)
And yet, despite how pleasantly full he feels and how much happiness sings in the air, there’s a weight on his chest that he cannot shift. It prickles with wrongness in the face of so much joy, and Alan feels like he’s dragging their celebrations towards misery as he sits by himself and gazes out at the ocean.
At that moment, as if he can sense Alan’s rising distress (and perhaps he can; Virg has always been weirdly perceptive about these things), Virgil plops down beside Alan and offers him a soft smile. “You good, Allie?”
Alan nods, then leans his head against Virgil’s shoulder, allowing his older brother to tuck him tighter into his side. All his brothers hug differently, but none of them truly envelop him as Virgil does. “Just thinking.”
“Warned you about that,” Virgil murmurs and Alan can hear the smile in his voice even though he can’t see it. His hand comes up to the back of Alan’s neck, and he begins massaging out the knotty tension in Alan’s neck. The relief trickles warm and grateful down Alan’s spine and he sags further into his brother, trusting and knowing that he will be held.
“I wish it could always be like this,” Alan says after a beat or two.
Virgil pauses. “Like this?”
“Like…” Alan waves a hand. “I wish Scott could always be this relaxed. And John could always be here. And we could always be this happy.” A sharp longing ache lodges in his throat, and he has to fight to get the next words out without it catching. “I wish we didn’t have to give up so much to have these moments.”
Virgil is silent for a long time, his grip tighter around Alan. “Me too,” he says at last, and it’s so un-Virgil-like to admit something even vaguely selfish that Alan would pull away to stare at him if he weren’t so damned comfortable. “But Allie—I think that’s also what makes these moments so, so precious. That we know what it is not to have them. That we know what they cost.”
“That doesn’t feel fair,” Alan says, hating the petulance in his own voice.
If Virgil were replaced by Gordon, there would be a quip about life’s not fair and a joke to distract him from the ache of it. Scott would be frantic to try and fix it, and John’s analytical mind would identify all the illogical and untrue aspects of that statement.
Virgil just holds him impossibly tighter still and meets him with an empathy Alan didn’t know he needed. “I know.”
Virgil holds him together as the aching grief of all that has been lost – all that continues to be sacrificed, and all the moments to be missed in the future – spreads and crashes over Alan—
Then all at once, the grief ebbs away like the tide retreating.
Virgil presses a kiss to Alan’s crown. “You good. Allie?” His voice is soft and warm, and Alan knows that he’ll stay as long as Alan needs him to—that he doesn’t even have to ask.
This is what makes it easier for him to nod and mean it this time.
“Want a marshmallow?”
Alan hesitates and nods, allowing Virgil to pull him up and tug him back towards the makeshift campfire. Scott, Kayo, Gordon and M.A.X have abandoned their game at last, and have squished themselves around the fire too, though they shuffle over to allow room for Virgil and Alan to squeeze in beside Scott.
“Alright?” Scott murmurs to Alan, and Alan nods. The prickling fades, tucked between his two oldest brothers, across from the jokey antics and quiet intelligence of his other two brothers, beneath the protective gaze of his sister and grandmother—and under the twinkling light of his mom’s star. He’s so damned lucky, despite it all, to be so loved like this.
“Happy Christmas,” he says softly, and Scott smiles.
“Happy Christmas, Allie.” He ruffles Alan’s hair and Alan laughs.
Christmas may not look the way he thought it would be growing up, and it may be a long time before they get to be together like this again. Another Christmas may be full of injuries or loss, and it may feel harder still to rise above the weight of their collective grief.
But Alan vows that he will do everything in his power to keep giving them Christmases like this, full of light and laughter and love.
For this Christmas is theirs and Alan will hold it tight and precious against his heart.
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When I reread the saga I tought about it too. I mean, I don't believe she is an awful human being. And I don't like HoO for so many reasons regarding relationships. Like Nico - Percy being reduced to "he is not my tipe" proceeds to ignore the entire importance of their relationship; Hazel - Frank - Percy becoming good friends and after MoA they literally barely interact again; Grover literally disappeared from the story too; whatever the hell Rick did with Percy - Annabeth.
Idk what he wanted to do making Sally pregnant during that saga. And I really believe we should have had a better insight of her. And that was something possible to do due Annabeth's POV. We should have seen her being worried. To see Sally having a mental breakdown with the fact her son - that due a miracle survived the war, was now what? Vanished? Kidnapped? Shouldn't Percy be safe now?
But we don't. We see her later being married and pregnant. This is a little bit odd.
I like to think, as a HC that Sally got pregnant before Percy was gone, and only found about it later on, and Paul was a gentleman, or one of these men who thinks like: Pregnancy = Marriage. It helps that he loves Sally. Or turned to love her on the way. And the entire relationships turned out fine.
Regarding Sally keeping Percy, I can see where it comes from. She was an orphan girl, really young, I believe she was what? 19? When she had him. I can see why she wanted to keep the only family she had, specially if she was afraid Percy could become one of the kids who stays the entire year for his own safety - after all, Poseidon DID explain to her why the camp was the better choice. It was implied in the book. And that was the reason Sally chose to marry Gabe instead. To keep Percy "safe" from monsters, while still being able to be by his side. She just forgot the monster she put inside her house could also hurt him as well.
She had full conscience of what she was doing when she chose Gabe. She didn't marry him not expecting him to be abusive. She married him because he stinks, and since the very beginning Percy said Gabe treated them poorly from the very start point of their lives together.
It was selfish. She knows it. She admits it herself. Even Mr. D on camp during the show is not impressed with her decision to keep a demigod child. Because it is an imprudent and mostly important, selfish decision, which only ends with children being slaughtered.
She also could have lived under the sea, in a palace that would be hers. She could have raised Percy well, still be his side, honestly, she would have been more present in his life that way, since she wouldn't need to be on a full-time job. That was also an option. Poseidon offered that to her.
And she said no. For many understandable reasons. I understand that. But if we get to analyze, she made the worst decision regarding Percy's sake and well-being.
The funny thing is that if it wasn't for that, we wouldn't have the Percy we had.
I really believe that if Percy went to camp half-blood way earlier he would join Luke - since I believed Poseidon wouldn't claim him as fast as he did, specially for Percy's own safety.
And if he lived under the sea, why would Percy ever go to camp half blood, out of his father's domain to deal with Gods? - If we push a little we can still make it happen, I believe. But eitherway, it wouldn't be the same. His self steem for example wouldn't be crippled and I don't believe he would be half as depressed as he was.
Side note: I really wanted to know why Rick is so obsessed with making these sagas while they are all teenagers. It passed six months after the war with Kronos. The entire HoO Saga took what again? Six months? And then ToA happens on the same fucking year and lasts *checks notes* also six months.
I didn't read the Kane Chronicles, CoTG, only WoTG - purely out of spite... But I don't believe Percy was mentioned to be 18 or close of 18? I mean? How many days Rick Riordan believes a year have. Let alone a month. Just let them become young adults.
Unpopular Opinion: Sally Jackson wasn’t a good mother to Percy. She chose to keep him in the mortal world with her when she could have sent him to camp and just asked for access to CHB. It was that easy and she didn’t do it.
She not only put him into danger with monsters, but put him in an actively abusive environment. Not just from Gabe, but her, too. Gabe was verbally abusive and she knew that, if you go back and look at the first book, Gabe is verbally attacking Percy and Sally sees and hears it. She’s not even phased.
Also, she worked a job, leaving Percy alone with an adult who physically abused her, knowing that he at least verbally abused her son. If he felt confident abusing her, a grown woman, then he felt comfortable hitting a child who was left alone with him. I don’t understand her lapse in judgment here. It’s not like she made him promise not to touch Percy, and if she did, then she’s a fool to take a man like Gabe’s or just anyone’s word for it.
She also knew that it was extremely likely that Percy would have ADHD and dyslexia because of him being a demigod and she still chose to make him go to schools in the mortal world, schools who wouldn’t be able to accommodate for him as CHB would be able to. She had to have known that it would be hard for him in the mortal would with his learning disabilities and that he would likely be bullied and discriminated against and yet, she chose not to raise him in a healthy environment where he would learn how to cope with his disabilities in a way that has been finely tuned to kids in his exact situation, but rather to make him go through all the bad things that happen to kids with ADHD and dyslexia.
She manipulated him (telling him that CHB would take him away from her) and bribed him (the coming home with candy after leaving him with Gabe) and gaslit and lied to him (the whole beginning of the TLT) for years and didn’t feel bad about it, assured that somehow, an unstable home with people who don’t want the best for him, but rather themselves and a hostile school environment was better for him than CHB. You know, just the place where demigods are supposed to thrive, where everything is made specifically with demigods in mind.
Sally knew that Percy was the son of Poseidon and was therefore more at risk than most other demigods, she most likely knew about the oath because I see no reason that Poseidon wouldn’t tell her, and yet, she still kept him with her in a toxic home and toxic schools, putting him in danger with monsters (the Gabe plan wasn’t infallible and she hadn’t even tried to do anything or asked Poseidon to supply her with anything until years after Percy was born and therefore already in danger) and subjecting him to all the horrors that come with a bad home life and just the mortal world in general, especially the mortal world of New York City where I used to partially live. And, New York being the place where both camp and Olympus were located had to have meant that there were more monsters there than anywhere else, except maybe San Francisco and Alaska, which just upped the danger for Percy, strong smelling Big Three child,
She didn’t even stop to think that maybe the life she was giving him was better than any life CHB could give him? If he went to CHB, he’d learn how to survive in a world that is actively trying to kill him, he’d learn how not to piss off the gods, he’d be more prepared for the Great Prophecy, he’d grow up knowing that there were people just like him who understood him and would help him. He’s grow up in a safe, nurturing environment that prepared him for the real world outside of the borders, maybe even be assigned a quest and learn what they’re like before being thrown into stopping WWIII.
And if she kept him with her not because she thought she’d give him a better life than camp would, then it would be because of her own selfish and completely irrational reasons. Poseidon told her that Percy should be sent to camp and she was so blinded with her selfishness, her own wants and desires, that she didn’t stop to think that maybe a god who’s had countless other children just like Percy for millennia, that maybe a literal god who is a king and thousand of years old might be right? That he wouldn’t know what would be the best for their child? But she kept Percy with her. Despite everything, she kept him with her, using the excuse that camp would take him away from her. As if mortals can’t be taken into camp as long as they have permission—permission that is granted through like ten words.
I just sincerely don’t understand. You can say that Gabe would stop her from taking Percy to camp, that he had them trapped. She trapped herself, and by extension, Percy, into the marriage and she could have run away at any point to CHB. Do you really think Chiron would have turned her away? That Gabe would have found her in a magically warded camp for the children of gods, one of which she had herself? She was the one who decided that marrying him would be better than sending Percy to CHB when he had already been born. When he encountered his first monster, when Gabe had shown himself to be an abusive person, she should have gone to camp so both Poseidon and her could keep an eye on him in a safe, stable as can be environment.
Now listen, I have a lot of empathy for people in abusive relationships, I’ve been in one myself and I know what it can do to you, how the signs can be missed until it’s too late. But Sally did not choose Gabe because he had manipulated her or because she had fallen in love with him, no. She chose him because he smelled bad. She chose a completely random human to marry and thought that it wouldn’t backfire on her or her son, the person she was allegedly doing it for.
I don’t understand her thought process on this. What could she possibly have thought of camp, of her whole situation that made her make the choices she made? Because I just can’t see it.
The books have shown that Sally can be a good mother to Estelle, to Nico, but the only person she seems incapable of being a good mother to is Percy.
I can see it being a part of the future that Percy and Sally have a falling out of sorts. Estelle is a fully mortal child with a loving father and a loving mother. It would be interesting to see Percy realising that his childhood could have been better, watching Estelle grow up in a healthy environment that his mother actively kept him from.
Paul is cool and all, I don’t really fault him for much other than him rushing his relationship with Sally, whose last marriage was abusive and by association, Percy who is a victim of abuse and very clearly also dealing with other trauma. I do, however, fault Sally for pursuing a relationship like that with a man only two years after she and her son were subjected to abuse by a man in the same exact position. Why would she choose to bring another stepfather into Percy’s life when she knew the other one was at least verbally abusive and when he was in the middle of a freaking war. He didn’t really have the time or the ideal circumstances (to put it lightly) to have to deal with Gabe trauma rearing it’s ugly head when another man walks into her life. She never even really fully discussed it with him? Like it’s never shown in the books that she and Percy had a conversation about Gabe and about Paul, a full, in-depth conversation about their troubles, about what it would mean, and whether or not they should be doing that with a mortal when Percy is a demigod—a demigod from the Big Three who is the centre of a world ending prophecy and the leader of a demigod war with the Titan king, no less. They never sit down and talk with Paul about it, either.
I really don’t mean for this to be a victim blame-y post or anything, but I think that Sally just made some wrong choices and she suffered for them. I blame her for that, for the harm it caused Percy and the fact that she didn’t even wait or examine Gabe to see if he would be a bad person or not. And you can’t tell me that the gods or demigods haven’t found a way for half-bloods’ scents not to be found yet, after thousands of years other than forcing a child into a home with an abusive man. It just doesn’t make sense. There were better options, some of which I already listed.
Not much of what Sally says or does really makes me think she’s a good mother—or even an average one even though the fandom tried really hard to make people think she’s the perfect mom. She does a lot of harmful things and gets away with them because she what? Talks nicely when her words aren’t full of manipulation? When she isn’t lying to her son and leaving him in the dark—something that could literally kill him? Acts nice when she isn’t absent and leaving her son with and abusive man? When she isn’t bribing Percy as a half-assed apology when she does?
I see it a lot in the fandom, fanfic especially where Sally is this perfect mother and perfect person as if she didn’t screw up all the time. As if she and her selfishness and her lack of thinking didn’t traumatise Percy and leave him an abusive home and school environment. People talk so much about her being the perfect mother, her being the ideal when she really isn’t. Yes, she is a victim, but she’s a victim who dragged a child down with her and a victim who didn’t even think of saving herself or her son. And I despise people who don’t try to save themselves, people who don’t think, and people who drag others down with them. Sally Jackson is all three.
TL,DR: Sally made a lot of selfish or straight up stupid parenting choices that blew back on Percy and the fandom needs to hold her more accountable instead of glorifying her and ignoring all of her flaws.
#my math is not mathing#what is normal i am terrible at math#sally jackson critical#percy jackson#i dont hate her guys#i actually like sally#the only person highly loved of the fandom I really dislike is Annabeth#sally is safe from my hands#eitherway#do you guys feel that sometimes Rick creates complex characters without realizing it#and when he have to write about them he doesnt know what to do#so he just make them ooc and one dimensional?#because i do have that impression
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Living together.
The snail video if you are interested :)
#showing random videos you found abt an animal fun fact is a love language if you didn't know btw#not understanding a topic and starting with drop out ideation is part of the journey when you are a student.#it evolves later (or simultaneously) with wanting to quit your job. in WW case both apply at the same time#vash is the kind of guy to really be marveled abt every little new piece of information he gets in his hands#and the 1st person he thinks abt to share his knowledge and joy with is ofc ww#the fact that they live together only amplified this by a thousand#ww tends to hear him out and also watch more videos with him. rn he's too busy weighing studying vs quitting#I really enjoyed drawing Vash in the bg for this one he's so cute#i hope its noticeable how much fun i am having by putting them through all of this.#why didn't i do this more since earlier???#aesthetics be damned. put them THROUGH -IT-#trigun#vash the stampede#trigun stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#vashwood#trigun fanart#vash#wolfwood#nicholas trigun#lenssi draws#Trigun Uni! AU#made some very light changes that were bothering only me specifically. you might not notice IWDFJK
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I haven't really done much art for tumblr (at all) lately, cus life, but! Here's a lil something I've been working on (it's a Xmas gift) 💙
(also peep that lil January calendar painting 👀 i did mini squares for each month for myself, because I need to have a physical one always, and they each have their own colour 🥺)
#sometimes i forget i'm a painter lol#this is just the base so i'll still add some cool stuff (colours and some gold leaf details hehe)#usually my thing is more flat/less busy painting (with more mixed media) but i've been digging this vibe lately#my art account is completely wiped cus i private everything earlier this year (same with personal)#but i wanna start posting again. not just old stuff but actually *make* something new everyday#like a little challenge i suppose#since i'm not currently working in my field and have being going through a bit of a rough adjustment period about ✨things✨#(plus the whole depresh spiraling)#i barely have been making any art at all that isn't just sketches/silly stuff#i miss painting. i miss making murals and working on an actual project etc#now that *some * things have been settled AND i finally have my own space i feel a lot more keen on working on it#i know i hardly ever talk about that part of my private life cus i do wanna keep it somewhat separate from here#but i guess i'm in a good mood and kinda ready to admit some stuff#??? that didn't make sense#i'm feeling hopeful for next year and have a semblance of a plan. That's what I meant there you go#i can already feel myself cringe cus everytime i share these type of things something ALWAYS bites my ankles#and that's why i hardly ever share anything at all with anyone ever until it actually is done or underway#which is! not good! i'm aware! but. ya know#ANYWAYS. rant over. look at the pretty colours and ignore my rambles#hmmmm my band crush guy (platonic) (guess who) (🕊️🥁) said my name and loved my super insightful question and i'll probably dream about it#(and the other really liked it too. MY BABE. it was kinda silly so very unexpected)#(okay i think this is buried deep enough to not make myself look like a 12 with a stupid crush) (hehehehehe)#darya does art#<- sure in the art tag it goes#blue#(it was a coincidence! i've never done anything exclusively blue before actually!) (in this capacity i mean)#traditional art#abstract painting
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NEW CONCERT ON THE HORIZON..... Going to see Franz Ferdinand next year !!!
#new concert new reason to feel some trace of excitement and joy in life#and yes this is the mysterious 3rd band i refered to in my earlier post today#for once i don't have to go miles away and abroad for something like this also#i mean i didn't have to do that for my earlier concerts this year that i also enjoyed very much#but those weren't *MY* favourite bands but rather stuff that mostly my dad enjoys lol#so yeah this is very cool. i've been thinking sometimes over the last couple of weeks#that they're this rare band i like that's also famous enough that maybe there's chance they'd tour around here. and behold!!!#but also god why is deciding to buy and then bying concert tickets the most nerve-wracking thing ever#well whatever it's gonna be fun i'm sure#i've discovered this year that the joy of concerts is truly like nothing else in this world#and i need more of that in my life very badly. already been missing it since my last one in april#and ofc it's just about a month and a half left now to my long awaited one! (still not registering this fact btw)#goosepost
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god i finally watched new episodes my honest reaction is jgiwoaoKzmxmkwkakkak
#it kinda doesnt feel real for me idk why#like i do not actually process all of it??#tho I DO have ideas and thinking i did pay attention#maybe i've just had a wild day i guess#but also oh god vex'ahlia broke my heart#twice#first time were when scanlan was talking how he couldn't be at two places at the same time to help 'em and she said nobody gives a fuck#i feel so bad for scanlan rn i love him#haven't watched campaing to the bard's lament yet but oh fuck im too spoiled i do know what happens where (a little bit)#the second time was when she said she really cares for percy i started crying at that moment#also im a lil bit disappointed cuz i thought we would get percys death and vex's spech but we got “i open the door completly naked” scene ->#and im very happy we got it like oh wow i didn't expect that#but idk im just a girl and i love percahlia's slowburn#since i watched 64 eps of actual campaign it become hard for me to not compare campaign and tlovm cuz obviosly its very different#but with percahlia in tlovm we don't have hours and hours of campaign context#(we don't have percy making her arrows)#and i understand why cuz 100+ streams 3+ hours each is one thing and animated series with 12 eps of 25 minutes is another#but as i said previosly it is very hard for me to not compare it#by the way i do think changes in tlovm make sense#cuz like?? i think vex is more sharpy in tlovm than in campaign?? like#like she punced scanlan in first season and in campaign they are kinda good friends and i really love them??#*punched#and i think she's more ?? bossy i guess?? idk how to put it into words but in my head it makes sense “i open the door completly naked” ->#goes earlier than “i shouldve told you its yours” cuz shes playing pretend even more than in campaign???#acts like its casual when its actually isnt AT ALL#and im glad percy said “what is it i want” to vex cuz its kinda like that scene in campaign when percy talked to vax#when he called them all family for the first time and said he's trying to find what he wants in life#i love percy and vax dynamic btw#i wanted to write even more here but apparently i can do only 30 tags wtf#they want me to actually write posts oh no. hate to put it all in tags but im too nervous abt posting on the internet
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I was talking to Curtis about how certain aspects of Doctor Who would be treated if they were episodes of Torchwood and/or had that rating leniency of Torchwood (imo the limitations of Doctor Who make for better TV than Torchwood in general, but not always) and when I brought up Amy's Choice, Curtis said I should do an episode rewrite and.
Hm. Hmmm. That could be really interesting. Amy and Rory and the Doctor's dynamic would be so... different in a Torchwood rated show, given the things they do with them in Doctor Who, and if they actually used the Dream Lord as an interesting villain (and they'd actually be able to play into the Doctor's worst traits in an adult show! For better and for worse!)...
However I'd have to actually rewatch Amy's Choice, and also decide how much I want to stay faithful to the episode, how much I want to stay faithful to "what would/could Torchwood have done here, and how much I actually want the result to be. Good.
Because "what Torchwood would do" and "what would be interesting" are not necessarily the same things.
(Accidentally wrote a Novel in the tags also. Whoops.)
#rose rambles#maybe. maybe.#would it require context from “earlier episodes” that “didn't happen” how they did in canon?#Should it be written in normal fanfic style#or as a script to stay true medium?#I usually dislike episode rewrites but. One with a very specific goal and set or rules might be interesting...... hm.......#(I do not like the episode Amy's Choice btw. to be clear. it had good potential and fun scenes and even fun concepts but my god.#was the “love triangle” the worst it had been in s5.#And that's also a thing I'd have to decide how to handle.#like if I was writing it to be GOOD I'd keep the love triangle conceptually#but focus more on how all three of the people involved fuck things up in different ways#jealousy and infidelity and betrayal and etc. so why do they stay? Make it about what they value in each other#and make Amy's titular choice matter in some way. Maybe she's the one who decides both realities are false#because she wouldn't leave either of her boys behind. Or something. Or drop the “which one is real” since that feels like it really muddied#the water with them ALSO making it about. Which one does Amy want. It was a writing choice I think was stupid. Anyways.#I had a point. My point is I think Torchwood would stumble this landing. Lean too heavily on the boys being dicks. Still focus on the love#/triangle/ part#to the detriment of the episode#like. One more thing. I do think Rory and the doctor fighting about Amy#and Amy being weird about her feelings for both of them. That's fine#and I don't WANT her to be normal and healthy about it. I want her to be weird and unethically nonmonogamous about it.#but I don't want her settling down as a wife in a normal respectable household being the end game. and THAT is what I can't stand about#Amy's Choice (canon version) and in general her seasons#and also what I think Torchwood would stumble on. Headfirst.#Still would have been a more fun episode than canon tho.)
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#For context:#I wanted to record a sort of asmr vibe type of thing and was recording for over an hour#This is towards the end of that video#I have been studying for two hours before that as well#And you know#If you can make content out of it why not#I know some people like this#Since i had to study anyway#I did a lot of what i wanted to do today so that's good#Not all of it#Heck i have a test tomorrow that i didn't prepare anyhow for#But the test i have later tomorrow is more important#That's what this is#The earlier test should be fine#The later one is what i'm worried about#And the later one is also causing me mental anguish#Yay!#Forreal though i do believe in what i'm doing and i know i need it and will#Use it in the future#Just the process of learning it is killing me
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Just as it was in the air, the drive to wherever they're going is a mess of orange-streetlight smeared blurs and rapid-passing buildings. Danny keeps his head rested against the door, forehead pressing against the cold window, and breathing slowly through his mouth.
From his unfocused peripherals, the man -- of whom with the passing lights, Danny can see is dressed as... some kind of bat? Honestly, not the weirdest thing he's ever seen. -- routinely keeps glancing over at him. He's never seen someone grip a steering wheel so tightly.
"Do you know what your godfather poisoned you with?" The man eventually asks, his voice just as soft and raspy as it was in the air.
It takes Danny a moment to realize he spoke at all, his brain sluggishly catching up to his ears. "Hrm?" He blinks, lifting his head. Danny regrets it immediately, his vision swims nauseatingly and blurs dangerously. He rests his head again. "Oh. Y'h. A flow'r called blood bloss'um."
They pass a streetlight, shining just enough light that Danny sees the Bat-Man's lips purse. Danny's mouth opens, but he makes no sound, his mind trying to find the words he's looking for. "I'z- it's extinct."
He huffs a laugh just as the man snaps his head to look at him, regretting it with a sharp cough and a feeling of dust in his lungs. Weakly waggling his fingers to make jazz hands, Danny slurs; "Shcience."
A coughing fit overtakes him then, and without the adrenaline of flying and running away from Vlad to distract him, the ache and burn of consistently coughing returns and hits hard and sharp. He's been stabbed before, and somehow this still hurts more.
(Well, one is being stabbed. The other is the result of a toxin made from a flower specifically evolved to eat ectoplasm. Something Danny is 50% made of.)
Whining low and through grit teeth, Danny turns and curls back up into the corner of his seat, arms boxing over his head as if that will make him hurt less. Tears spring into his eyes, and he tries to use the feeling of breathing to distract himself.
If he's still breathing, everything will be okay.
Wherever they're going, he hopes they get there fast.
----
("You're a hero, right?" The boy said, but the way he said it made it sound like he was only asking as a formality. That of course Bruce was a hero, it was obvious.)
(He didn't know how to tell him that no, he wasn't. Then he didn't have the time.)
Bruce's hands would be shaking if it weren't for the white-knuckle grip on the car's steering wheel. Every time he focuses back on the road in front of him, his eyes are drawn back towards the boy coiled like a ball in the passenger seat.
He can't tell if it's rage or fear that's making his arms tremble.
The boy -- Daniel, if the voice of his godfather was to be believed -- is small. Bruce could wrap his thumb and forefinger around his wrist, and he's positive they would touch. A waifish, slip of a thing, and Bruce thought he'd been small as a child. His clothes -- simple, unremarkable; a hoodie that hangs off his shoulders and a band shirt he doesn't recognize -- look too big on him, and Bruce wonders if Daniel even knows he's shivering.
This was not how Bruce thought his night would be going -- he was following a lead on Falcone and his people. Now he was rushing back to the cave with a boy who couldn't be any older than fifteen, a boy who was dying of poison because of his godfather.
Hurt and fury bubbles beneath his ribs.
(Who does this to a kid?)
He glances at Daniel again. Messy, sweat-slicked black hair clings to his forehead, and gathers around his ears. It looks like it hasn't been cut in months. He's unnaturally pale, and Bruce isn't sure if his paleness is from the poison, or his natural color. It highlights the dark circles beneath glassy blue eyes, peering unfocused and teary out from lidded eyes.
The blood dripping off his chin is damning and stark against his skin. Some of it is half-dried against his cheek, but most is a horrifying dark red and wet, staining down his throat and into his shirt. Every time the boy coughs, Bruce fears that blood will spill from his mouth next.
He breathes in shakily, and swerves around a left corner. The boy moves with the momentum. Bruce throws his arm out to catch him, and keep him in his seat, the boy jerks, and grunts quietly.
Guilt turns the back of Bruce's neck red. That, and embarrassment. "...Apologies." He murmurs, retracting his hand quickly. Daniel blinks slowly, Bruce nervously keeps an eye on the unsteady rise and fall of his chest.
He's pulled away when, much to his surprise, the boy smiles. It's weak, barely even there and trembling like the rest of him, but glazed in fondness. "S'ok'y." Daniel mumbles, blood sticking to his mouth as he slumps back into the corner. "M'dad drove the same way."
...There were a lot of questions there. But the hurting, discomforting squeeze of Bruce's heart turns his tongue to lead. His throat swells shut, grows a cancerous lump, and keeps his lungs thick. "..Hh."
(What does he say to that?)
A silence, ugly, falls over them again for a few minutes more. Bruce should keep the boy talking -- it's confirmation that Daniel was still alive, still breathing, Bruce hasn't failed yet -- and yet, he can't think of a single thing to say.
They're coming close up on the cemetery, Bruce turns down the road leading to it. His eyes flick to Daniel again. The boy is staring at him, the sickly yellow streetlights catching shadows on his face, leaving a glow lingering in his eyes.
(In his lazy eye, his mind tricks him into seeing a corpse. Bruce suppresses a flinch, and looks over again.)
(Daniel is still breathing. Good. Good. Good.)
He breathes in shakily, something dark and angry rearing its head once again. Who does this? Who does this? He grits his teeth, biting back the scowl pulling on his face.
("You're a hero, right?")
(No, but for now he can pretend he is.)
----
They end up in a tunnel somewhere. Danny's not quite sure where, but the road gets bumpy and the uncomfortable, rough jostling brings a groan out from him. His eyes pound in their sockets, the discomfort ricocheting to this temples and circling to the back of his head.
His head lolls, and Danny shoves it back against the seat with a thud, ignoring the dull pain it rings through his skull. "Are w'there yet?" He asks, blood spilling into his mouth that he tiredly tries to spit out. He's done with drinking it instead.
The numbness he'd been so graciously left with was starting to fade now, returning back to a burning, rhythmic soreness spreading through his limbs. It clustered up around his joints, feeling like pins and needles in his fingers and down his spine.
Bat-man guy grunts shortly, shifts the gearshift into a new position, and glances over to him for the nth time that night. "Almost."
Almost. Almost was... good? Probably. Hopefully. Danny doesn't give a response, just nods mutely.
The car comes to a stop some minutes later, parked in a wide open space with LED lights spread erratically through the floor that hurt Danny's eyes.
Bat-Man barely has the car in park before he's flying out of his side. If Danny didn't know better, he'd have thought the man had phased right through the metal. That's not what happened, and he watches the guy zip around the front of the car to his side.
He's barely understood that he's even gotten out of the car before Bat-Man has Danny's door open. He jolts involuntarily, sitting lame in his seat as Bat-Man gets him unbuckled and pulled out of the car.
The lights are still painfully bright in Danny's eyes as Bat-Man pulls him out, and he whines involuntarily, tilting his face inward to hide it against the armor-weave.
"--sleep at a reasonable-- dear god! What happened!?"
Oh, forget the lights. Danny turns his head and braces against the brightness -- and his tilting, whorling sight -- to see who else was here. He sees an older man with a cane standing near one of the tables.
"His godfather poisoned him." Bat-Man growls, Danny nods heavily. "I need my antidote kit. Alfred, I need you to stay by him, make sure he doesn't start choking if he throws up."
The older man -- Alfred? Scoffs, and when Bat-Man passes by he follows after him. "As if you need to ask me. But where do you even plan on putting him?"
Without answering, Bat-Man shifts Danny until he's being held in one arm, and then approaches a metal table covered in nuts, bolts, and half-finished gadgets and gizmos. Without blinking, Bat-Man uses his free arm to shove it all off the table with a crashing, clattering, banging sound.
Then he lays Danny down.
The metal is freezing, sinking through the fabric of his jacket and shirt, and Danny turns his head to watch Bat-Man. In the process, he catches a glimpse at Alfred's expression -- and the sheer exasperated affront written on his face forces a laugh out of him.
Bat-Man's hands still from where they're tilting him onto his side, and Danny covers his mouth with his hand to stifle his giggling. "Sorry." He says, trying to catch his breath. "th'look on his face was funny."
The Alfred man sends a look at the Bat-Man when he glances at him, one eyebrow arched, before stepping over as Bat-Man gets Danny full on his side. Bat-Man disappears down somewhere, his footsteps echoing through the room.
"I hope he knows that he'll be picking all of this up when we're done, because I am certainly not." Alfred says stiffly, procuring a pristine handkerchief out of thin air. One of those nice looking ones that are probably made of like, butterfly silk.
Danny almost smiles, but Alfred starts reaching for his face, so instead he suppresses a flinch. There's a pause, before Alfred's hand glides over his cheek. Despite the callous padding on his palm, his touch is resoundingly gentle.
He cups Danny's jaw, and starts wiping the blood from his face.
...Oh.
Danny blinks uncomprehendingly up at him. He hasn't felt an actual affectionate touch in months. Vlad tried to be, but every touch to Danny's skin felt oily; disgusting. Danny wanted to scrub at the spot every time he pulled away.
So this was like warm sunlight on his face, and he hums low and pleasantly. "Tha'feels nice." He mumbles, relaxing unconsciously.
"I would hope so, young man." Alfred-guy says, folding his already blood-stained handkerchief in half for a cleaner square and moving to clean the blood from his throat. "All this blood couldn't have felt pleasant."
No, no, Danny thinks slowly, not that part.
"May I ask for your name?" Alfred asks before Danny can correct him. "It's not every night that the young master brings someone back with him."
Danny stares. "Danny." He says, "Mnh... just Danny. M'godfath'r calls me Daniel, an' he poisoned me."
Alfred nods, and pulls his handkerchief away. It was stained right through with blood. Danny cringes with shame. That probably won't come out. "I wish we were meeting on better circumstances, Mister Danny. It's a pleasure to meet you."
His good midwestern manners kicks in, and Danny nods curtly. HIs head spins in revenge for the movement. "Y'too, sir."
Bat-Man reappears in that moment, clearing off a space on the table across from them with a kit of various bottles and vials and other doodads that Danny's too unfocused to recognize.
He watches him yank off the vambraces wrapped around his arms, and then the gloves on both his hands. Alfred brushes the hair off his forehead, gathering Danny's attention again.
"If you don't mind, how did you two meet?" He asks, Bat-Man glances over his shoulder at them both, but says nothing. There's a clattering of bottles before he bounds off again down a tunnel. Danny takes that as his sign to explain instead.
"All'y." Danny says, shifting when the pressure on his shoulder grew too uncomfortable. His stomach flips, and he freezes in place to breathe in slow. He swallows dryly when the nausea passes. "Um-- I w'z runnin' from Vlad, an' I saw him in one 'f the alleyways."
Bat-Man reappears again with more things, and starts messing around with his collection of bottles and tubes and whatever -- probably to fix an antidote.
...Would he even be able to make one? Fuck, Danny hadn't thought of that. Blood Blossoms interact with him differently.
He forcibly keeps his breathing even, and zeroes in on Alfred. "I thou' he was a hero, n' I was right. He is." He smiles, and Alfred's expression softens out.
Danny breathes in sharp, pain ricocheting up his spine. "He's-- mine, at least."
I am loudly pushing the batdad agenda i am loudly pushing the— DPxDC Prompt
“Woah. You look like shit."
Granted, that’s probably not the first thing Danny should be saying to the guy that just bit the curb, but in his defense; he’s not running on 100% right now either.
The man -- tall, towering, and broader than Danny is tall -- whips around on his heel, black frayed cape flaring out impressively. Danny would've whistled in appreciation, but he takes the time instead to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the blood running from his nose across his cheek.
"Sorry." He blinks widely, not even flinching as the man with the horns zeroes in on him. "That was rude of me. I have a really bad brain-to-mouth filter; Sam says its what always gets me into trouble."
And she's not wrong either, per say. His smart mouth is what landed him in this situation -- with blood blossom extract running through his veins and cannibalizing the ectoplasm in his bloodstream. Thanks Vlad.
The man grunts at him; a short, curt "hm" that shouldn't make Danny smile, but he does because he's somewhat delirious and probably concussed. The man keeps some kind of distance, sinking towards the shadows of Gotham's alleyway like he dares to melt right into it.
If it's supposed to scare Danny, it doesn't work. Danny's never been afraid of the dark; he's always been able to hide himself in it. He blinks slowly at the mass of shadows.
"You look hurt." The shadows says, blurring together around the edges. Danny squints, and licks his lips to get the blood dripping down his chin off. Ugh, he hates the taste of blood.
"I am." He says, "My godfather poisoned me. M'dying." The agony of the blood blossom eating him from the inside out looped back around to numbing a while ago, so all he feels is half-awake and dazed.
"Hey," Danny stumbles forward towards the man, a bloodied hand reaching out to him. "You-- you're a hero, right? You're not attacking me; which is more than I can say for most costumed people I've met." Maybe it's a poor bar to judge someone at, but he's already established that Danny's not in his right mind.
The man makes no change in expression, but Danny realizes blearily that it's hard to tell with the shadows on his face. He stays still long enough for Danny to latch onto the cape -- stretchy, but almost soft under his fingers.
He looks up blearily into the whites of the man's eyes. "Can you help me? I don't-- I don't wanna die." Again. He doesn't wanna die again. He blinks slow and lizard-like. "I mean- I'll probably get to see mom and dad again, but I told them I'd at least try and make it to adulthood."
There's a clatter down the street, and Danny's ghost sense chills up his spine and leaves a bitter, ashy taste in his mouth. He immediately knows who it belongs to even before the deceptively gentle; "Daniel?" echoes down the way.
"Daniel? Quit your games, badger, Gotham is dangerous for children."
Danny's mouth pulls back, and blood spills against his tongue. "Please." He rasps, and grabs onto the shadow's cape with both hands. "Please. He's going to kill me. Please--"
"Daniel? Is that you?"
His lips part, dragging in air to plead with the darkness again. He doesn't need to, the whites of his eyes narrow, and the cape whirls around him before Danny can blink. Soon swaddled in shadows, the Night lifts him up, and steals him away.
#hey redemption arc from my last add-on#starry realizes that consistency is hard. on the other hand how was my battinson characterization. i havent seen the 2022 movie but#i've looked at a few compilations and drawn conclusions based on fanon battinson and good ole bruce wayne in general.#was thinking that. since he's still early in his career. he's still clumsy and a bit awkward like in the movie. tried to focus on that a bi#but also like. ensure he didn't appear too out of character. boy is still a hypercompetent ninja. just with negative social skills#one of my tactics for writing characters is like. doing this thing where i emulate their emotions. like putting myself emotionally in their#shoes. if the character is supposed to be feeling righteous anger i force myself to feel righteously angry. if they're grieving i try to#make myself feel grief. its very effective. if i can feel what they're feeling it makes it easier to write#but it also means i need a good understanding of the character and their motives in order to get into their head. which is why bruce#is hard. this man is like. 70% guilt and an impenetrable sense of being personally responsible for everyone. and a lot of anxiety.#cheers bro i'll drink to that.#but also i listen to music while writing so i also need to find the right music to listen to to keep myself in character. for CFAU danny#i listened exclusively to the crane wives 'tongues and teeth' and 'here i am' and florence and the machine's 'girl with one eye' for all 26#for bruce's section here i listened to anastasia's 'Still / the Neva Flows (reprise)' lots of what i needed there for bruce#'the children. their voices. a man makes painful choices. he does what's necessary anya.' 'what choice but simple duty'#mfer this technically fucking constitutes as meTHOD ACTING???#watch starry as he builds her version of this au in real time. decided as i was writing this to make danny's accident happen earlier.#so currently he's 14 but he had his accident when he was 12#blood blossom au#danny fenton is not the ghost king#this reblog is 2k words so obligatory read more eugh
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I've been trying to be social past few days by going to stuff and no it did NOT help instead i drained all my energy and had to sleep it off .
#like since it's end of the semester our class went for some drinks and snacks#I literally just sat quietly and drank a little and left#my socially anxious ass did NOT have the energy for it and I went home and slept#also I realised that when earlier I said I didn't like my classmates#I think it was more like I was trying not to get attatched to people#like we all barely have like 6 months together then everyone goes their separate ways and I don't have it in me to deal with it again#but ig I did kinda get attached to them#also I don't like hanging out in big groups it's more draining#the maximum I can do at a time currently is like 3 people including me#and yanno what that 3 group is#a fucking study group#but we don't study and just talk lmao#also ive gone inactive on instagram and it's so awesome#idk why I even was posting on there ppl dgaf and like I mostly have irls there and they DO NOT understand my humor and obsessions so yep
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new desktop theme who dis
#* mine.#hallasimss#( * i have been considering getting into RPs more seriously and since i created a new mobile sideblog solely for any potential threads#| i thought i might as well revamp this one [TS4/RP inspo beloveds check the bio] while i was at it. holy f*ck am i in love with the layout#| it's coded by one of my mutuals on their coding blog @engelthms i'm trying to figure out why i didn't use this earlier.#| i even left a note in the tags when i originally reblogged it over here to remind me to do so hello#| spent about three to four hours today just recustomizing everything so it could have as close of a feel to the prev theme#| as possible but it was f*cking worth it. Dan ily ty everyone pls go check them out and then come back and look at this#| shiny new thing i have )
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