#why did this piece of information made her even more attractive

[mbccari]

Rahu.... in her late 30s you say... heh....

(got the pic from this tweet btw !! )

[anika-ann]

A Series of (Un)Fortunate Events - S.R.

Part 2 of 2

Type: two-shot, idiots-in-love, feel-good fic (part 1 here)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader   Word Count: 10,7k (I-)

Summary: A few things had gone wrong on your camping trip with Steve and other fellow agents.

But is that such a bad thing?

Warnings: NSFW,  18+, size and praise kink if you squint, semi-public sex kiiinda, language, attempt at humour, FLUFF , Steve being a menace

A/N: written for the Essie’s Summer Lovin’ 300 Follower Celebration hosted by @bigtreefest In this chapter, you darlings shall get "Who thought a place with mosquitos was a good idea?"; "You know this one’s my favourite", trying not to get caught and kinks size and praise, if you squint, as well as semi-public sex

A/N 2: DIVIDER by @firefly-graphics; enjoy y'all 🥰 Several Agent of SHIELD characters are involved - I don't think you need any knowledge of the show to read this

The last sunrays of the day illuminated the crowns of the tallest trees, the shadows casted growing longer and wider. The fire the guys had started flickered in the breeze carrying the fresh cool air from above the lake. The warm colours of the flames danced across the improvised campsite you had settled, its heat not reaching the clothes you had washed and hanged in the nearby group of trees, but certainly had wonderful effect on everyone sitting around the fire. Work done and belly full, you were beginning to feel the miles you had walked taking its toll, pleasant but very real fatigue settling into your body.

And you weren’t the only one, by the look of it.

During dinner, everyone was supposed to share their most surprising moment from the field; but now, the chatter had quieted down, movements growing rather sluggish even as the atmosphere was serene and amicable. Bucky had taken it upon himself to finish the last pieces of grilled meat; the rest of you were simply staring into flames, talking quietly, or shuffled around in search of a soon-needed flashlight.   

The sudden rapid – and very distinct – movement on Daisy’s part startled you, snapping you awake from your near slumber.

It wasn’t just you who winced – not that Daisy seemed bothered by all the looks the unsolicited use of her powers attracted, huffing and waving her hand around.

“Ugh. Who the heck thought a place with mosquitos was a good idea? These little bastards love me for some reason… no one told me turning Inhuman had that effect,” she complained, once again striking the annoying insect with a wave of deadly vibrations. “Yes! Finally.”

You stared at her, blinking, wondering if you had actually fallen asleep and this was one of the creations of your hippocampus, nothing but a dream. The fact that everyone was staring too though made for quite an argument against that theory.

“Did you just… quake apart a mosquito?” Bobbi asked, sounding as incredulous – and amused – as you felt.

“Huh?”

Hunter cackled at Daisy cluelessness. “I think she did. Wow. Way to go, Trembles.”

“Tremors, Hunter. Mack calls me Tremors,” she corrected him gently, without an ounce of shame, proud of her murderous accomplishment if anything.“And why – yes, I did. And for everyone’s information, I’m not afraid to do that to any annoying elements on this trip.”

Smile dripping of sarcasm, Daisy turned to Hopkinson, who rolled his eyes and muttered ‘subtle’ under his breath.

A fresh wave of fondness towards Daisy swirled in your chest and you made a mental note to give her a hug just for that. You didn’t want anyone to get into crosshairs for your benefit; you didn’t want to stir conflict – if anything, acting partly like a liaison, you were often in the position of a peacemaker – but you’d be damned if Daisy or anyone else being on your side of things didn’t make you feel loved and appreciated.  

You had purposely not sat down next to Steve, even if you had wanted to. You didn’t want to give Hopkinson or anyone else any more ammo and… it was enough that you were wearing Steve’s hoodie, your brain somehow translating it into Steve’s warmth keeping you comfortable. From experience, you knew that if you sat next to him and felt the heat he was radiating despite only wearing short sleeves still, you’d lose it and might actually snuggle him. Even two seats over, you were painfully aware of his presence; and any moment you allowed yourself to think about sharing a tent with him, you were pushing yourself further into the area of crossing The Line.

Crossing it by miles.

“You know that the point of this trip is bonding, right?” May commented dryly, the twitch of the corner of her lips giving away her amusement – or approval.

“Sometimes eliminating the unbearable variable helps,” Natasha said matter-of-factly, gaze flickering to Hopkinson too. “Nothing strengthens friendships like burying a body of a common enemy together. Trust me.”

Mental note to hug Natasha as well, you thought. Or maybe buy her a fine quality bottle of red. She was a fan. You had drunk enough with her to know.

Bucky snickered silently at her side; and the fact Steve just hummed in silent approval and didn’t intervene despite this having been his idea, bonding during a camping trip indeed, spoke volumes about how pissed he was still for the comment Hopkinson had made earlier.

It almost made you feel bad for him; but Hunter’s wide eyes and Bobbi biting back a smile at the nonchalance in Natasha’s tone were simply too good not to enjoy.

However, Hopkinson did not seem to appreciate the gang-up, his face a mixture of offence and annoyance.

“Seriously, guys. Can you at least pretend you don’t play favourites 24/7?”

“No,” sounded collectively around the fire, causing your lips to part in awe; and your chest to feel pleasantly full.

Steve’s voice was no surprise to you, neither was Natasha’s or Bucky’s – or Daisy’s for that matter. Hunter’s too, since he was for any mischief he could get – but May’s voice joining the chorus took you aback a bit. The smile on Bobbi’s face told you that she herself only hadn’t agreed with the rest of them out loud out of diplomacy.

Hopkinson still threw his hands in the air, letting them fall to his thighs with a muffled slap before climbing to his feet and moving towards his tent in a demonstrative dramatic exit.

Bobbi followed his example, standing up too.

“Right. This was fun, guys, but I’m going to bed. Someone planned an insanely long hike for tomorrow,” she said, pointedly looking at Steve, who smiled and raised his hands as if he was giving up when everyone else glared at him too.

It was no wonder they looked at him; the way the flames painted shadows over his arms was simply gorgeous. It was hard not to linger, hard no let your eyes wander.

…and your thoughts were gradually losing filter the more tired you were getting. Maybe you should just go to sleep; if you were out before Steve would arrive, there was a chance of keeping up the façade. Maybe.

You rose to your feet.

“I guess I should go to bed too. I’ll just take a quick rinse in the lake and settle in the tent, that okay?” you said, checking with Steve, who only nodded with a reassuring smile

“Whatever works for you.”

“Take someone with you. Seems like bad luck keeps following you,” May hummed, earning a few chuckles from others.

As you looked at her, her smirk was somehow secretive, causing you to waver. Did she know something you didn’t? Were you cursed? Was this another of the infamous prank wars SHIELD agents sometimes declared? It didn’t happen often, but you had heard stories; in fact, May had such a great poker face that her team had once failed to recognize her as the perpetrator of the notorious whipped-cream-on-hand-when-sleeping prank on Agent Fitz and they only had found out when she confessed months later.  

“Yeah, we don’t want you to drown…” Hunter said, wincing when Steve and Bucky snapped their head to him with downright menacing glares. “What?! We don’t!”

You snorted, swallowing the ‘down, boys’ threatening to slip from your lips. It was still nice of them though – they didn’t know Hunter as well as you did. He didn’t mean anything bad.

Or did he? Was he, too, on that prank war that might be and might not be happening here with you as the main target?

“I’ll go,” Daisy said, jumping to her feet, now seriously making you question whether you were turning insane. “What? He has a point. Let’s go—oh come on, die, you blood-sucking little bast-”

Shaking your head, you just accepted it, too tired to care; but making a mental note to check your sleeping bag for bugs and itching power just to make sure.

As you were gathering the few precious pieces of clothes that had survived the marinade attack, including a towel, you couldn’t but chuckle at Hunter’s suddenly wide-awake voice.

“Hey, hold on, do you think that mosquitos who drink Inhuman blood turn into some… superpowered freaks? I read a story about a guy who was bitten by some freaky spider once, and he became a-“

“Hunter… shut up.”

While your feet barely even shuffled towards the part of the lake hidden from the sight of your teammates sitting by the fire, the cool water of the lake certainly awoke your senses anew. You and Daisy barely dipped your toes into water when you felt it started taking effect.

And yet. As Daisy looked back towards the camp, as if making sure no one had followed you, she dropped a bombshell on you which wiped any traces of fatigue as fast as if she fired a gun next to your ear.

“Okay, done deal,” she said, almost nonchalantly by her measures, as she descended into water, “you have to shag Steve, like yesterday.”

You turned to her so fast you nearly toppled over and fell into water just like Hunter had unwittingly predicted. Arms spread wide for balance, hissing as your knee hit the cold water surface, you didn’t – but that wasn’t important. And Hunter was not at all importantat the moment either.

What the--- what?!

And did she have to say it like that?

Of course she did. It was Daisy after all.

“Daisy!”

“What? Come on! He has literal heart-eyes whenever he’s with you. He even has a special nickname for you. That guy is smitten. And you are not at all better, since we’re at it, by the way,” she noted with a smirk, before sliding into water casually as if she was stating a boring obvious fact and not… that.

It left you dumbstruck.

Not that you didn’t want to ‘shag’ Steve. But that was not the point!

Were you really that obvious? Certainly, you couldn’t have been. You were an agent. A professional. Stealthy. And yes, Steve sometimes… looked at you in a certain way, way that made you feel warm and hot all over, but-

You shook your head, following Daisy’s lead, breathing out slowly as the nonetheless welcomed coolness of the lake enveloped you.

“That’s not-"

“Not what?” Daisy questioned, turning to you to show off her arched eyebrow. “Please. Take your lies elsewhere. And hey – the opportunity literally presented itself. I mean, maybe your sleeping bag is full of bugs, better to share with him since you’re already sharing his tent. I mean, you’ll have to be pretty close to each other anyway. It’s a big tent, but it’s not that big…”

She trailed off, a hint of a smile playing in the corners of her lips, your face growing hotter with every word; but there was also something in her tone that made the spy in you hyper-alert all of sudden. Something about the glee in her voice, her expression, the sparkles of enthusiasm in her eyes, her-

-abilities.

The realization dawned to you with a gasp, your jaw actually falling slack.

No. She wouldn’t.

Surely, she wouldn’t have-

Oh she absolutely would.

The buckles which had been securing the tent to your backpack had fallen apart. They had broken conveniently when you had been crossing the river, and in the area where the water was the deepest no less. Steve had had to hold you so you wouldn’t take a dive, Bucky had been too far to pull the tent out immediately, causing it to soak and sink-

“…did you quake apart the buckles that held my tent to my backpack? Because I’m sure they were as good as new when I secured the tent.”

You should be shocked. You should be scandalized. But as you said it out loud, it made perfect sense and Daisy was definitely the kind of person to do something like this given the right motivation.

And boy, did she seem motivated.

“…maybe.”

“Daisy!” You pushed the water with the heel of your palm, sending a solid wave to soak her hair to make her cool the hell down. “What the hell?!”

She laughed as she coughed the water out, shaking it from her hair, something impossibly warm humming in your chest and bubbling out in the form of laughter as well.

God, she had really done that, hadn’t she? You couldn’t believe her.

“What? You two are taking forever. Like… I’m sorry, I like me a slow-burn. But you’re moving like a drunk sloth, I swear. I haven’t decided if watching you two dance around each other is cute or painful,” she emphasized, the brightness in her expression telling you it was the former, but it was a close call. You just stared at her mutely, unable to decide whether to be mortified or laugh some more. “Plus, I’m begging you. You two need to get together just to put Hopkinson out of his misery and show him that it’s a lost cause.”

Your brain latched onto the last piece of information, because in the sea of things you were mildly mortified and rather amused to hear, this one didn’t even make sense.

“What do you mean? What’s a lost cause?”

Daisy chuckled, clearly entertained by a joke you were not aware you had said; a joke you did not understand in the slightest.

When she realized that, her smile slipped, replaced by awe.

“You’re… you’re kidding, right?”

“About what?” you asked, genuinely completely lost – and frankly, slightly irritated, because Daisy gasped at your reaction, laughing again. “What?!”

“Oh my god, how did you not notice? You’re a spy. One of the best agents SHIELD has, ever had, even May says so, and that says a lot,” Daisy noted, causing you to purse your lips, something inside you puffing in pride, effectively distracting you for a moment.“But oh my god, you really didn’t know. It’s obvious! H-jerk has hots for you.”

Blank. Your mind turned blank for a split second, no image, no sound.

Daisy could slap you across your face and use her powers doing so and you would be less dumbstruck.

“What?!”

What the---- what?!

Daisy, the little shit, had the audacity to snicker at your perfectly appropriate reaction – but that was because she was joking, right? She was pulling your leg. She had to.

“Come on, Libra.That ‘keep her warm’ comment? Grade-A display of jealousy – and I don’t think Steve is his type, if you catch my drift.”

You did catch her drift.

Except you didn’t.

“No! I mean--- yeah, I catch your drift, but… he doesn-“ you stopped mid-protest, words dying on your lips.

The idea was… strange at best. Intriguing, in the worst way possible. Plausible – except Hopkinson was being a douche to you 24/7.

Which, now that you thought of it, could possibly be some manifestation of his frustration of you not paying attention to him? But that would make it a lost cause – the bigger jerk he was being, the less you wanted to deal with him… which made him act like even a bigger douche, which made you even less interested in being in the same room as him and leading you to spend even more time with Steve, which would only make Hopkinson--- no. You didn’t not want to get into that vicious circle, getting the basic idea.

Insane and not really a likeable idea; plausible, but not probable.

Even if it did make a tiny bit of sense, you supposed. In some twisted, immature male logic.

“Oh.”

Daisy grinned. “Yeah. Oh.”

Oh she really believed that wholeheartedly, didn’t she? You weren’t even sure what to make of that – but frankly, you didn’t think you wanted to think about that too hard.

Scratch that, it was the last thing you wanted to think about, even if in a way, you understood Daisy’s amusement.

A little.

“Okay, this… today was a long day. I’m done,” you said decisively, earning a chuckle from your companion. “Enjoy the lake. I’m gonna go… before I find out other disturbing facts.”

Daisy, bless her, just hummed. She let you dry up and slip into your sleep clothes – and Steve’s hoodie, because you really liked the way it felt and made you feel, safe, among other things – in blissful silence, only speaking again as she was climbing out of the water herself.

“Well, now that we cleared things up… go shag the All-American golden boy.”

You ignored the pleasant tingle the idea sent through your body, raising your hand to gesture for her to just... stop please, as you gathered the rest of your things.

“Oookay, Daisy. I’m gonna go now. To bed. Alone. Have a good night though.”

“Sure. Night! …and share the sleeping bag!” she called after you as you turned away, causing you to shake your head, grinning like a madwoman now that she couldn’t see you.

Feigning outrage, you yelled back at her:

“Good night, Daisy!”

The tent was illuminated softly, signalling Steve’s presence as you approached it and climbed inside. Your backpack was already stored in the veranda, safe under the roof so none of your remaining clothes would get wet with a surprise night rain or the morning dew.

You lightly scratched on the cloth of the door, a wordless question you soon got your answer to, being invited in.

The warmth in Steve’s voice made your stomach somersault, the smile that had settled on your lips during your conversation with Daisy widening; and as soon as you unzipped the door and revealed Steve sitting on the improvised bed, you found him smiling in return.

He had changed into a pair of boxers and a sleepshirt, a nondescript grey loose thing only he could possibly make appear attractive, but one he liked anyway because the material was soft and airy at once. You would know; you had worn it before, with his scent lingering on the fabric, when you had needed some extra comfort after a nightmare, needed to feel as safe as you would in his arms but couldn’t have born the heat of his body holding you close at the moment.

Something gentle and sweet hummed in your chest at the memory; the sight of him, sitting here waiting for you, erased the last strain of the day.

Including Hopkinson’s annoying but truthful comment and Daisy’s strange theory… and more importantly, her instruction.

You shook your head incredulously at her shenanigans, Steve’s greeting earning a curious edge.

“Hey, you okay? You haven’t nearly drowned, have you?” he questioned, watching you as you climbed into the tent and zipped it up again, his gaze roaming your figure with attentive care despite his teasing.

You rolled your eyes good-naturedly. “Har, har, Captain Rogers. I’m fine, just… come bearing some news.”

“Oh? Tell me.”

He didn’t scoot over to make space for you; he didn’t have to. You didn’t mind his proximity. In fact, you yearned for it; and he knew it all too well.

“Well, according to Daisy,” you said, unable to keep the puzzlement from your voice, “Hopkinson is being a jerk, because he ‘has hots’ for me.”

Steve’s expression darkened, a frown twisting his handsome features.

“I don’t like the sound of that… and why would he be such a jerk to you if he likes you?”

You shrugged before sitting down next to him close enough that your thigh brushed his. It was a little funny, really; the tent had a fairly high ceiling, though not enough for Steve to stand up straight, and it was wide enough for you both to sit comfortably on your own. But sitting beside him, touching him, was an instinct; a magnetic force you were helpless against and didn’t mind succumbing to. Especially since Steve’s face cleared as you did so, reminding you why he was all frowny in the first place.

“Go figure. I guess some men don’t move on from the tugging on girl’s pigtails to show affection stage,” you mused, suddenly unbothered by it; because it was not your problem and the other news was much more fun. “Oh and she thinks that I should, I quote, shag the All-American golden boy.”

A slow grin spread on Steve’s face, his thigh nudging yours. “Now, that I do like.”

“Don’t-“ you warned him, smiling wide, heart speeding up at the twinkle in his eyes and the sheer beauty of it. “The lights are on, mister.”

“Easy fix.”

One hand reaching for yours, the other for the lamp, you felt profound warmth spread through your veins as his eyes observed you, taking in all of you, as if you had entered the tent in a luxurious ballgown and not a pair of leggings and his hoodie. It could be unnerving sometimes, the eyes of an artist looking at you as if you were a fine piece of art, but the emotion captured in that gaze was making you breathless in the best way possible.

As the lamp clicked silently, Steve’s thumb ran over the back of your hand; a small gesture of affection hidden by the shadows, just like your love.

You and Steve had clicked almost instantly.

You had fallen hard.

You yearned for a touch, always.

And so did he.

The perfect match.

Two months ago, talking had no longer been the only thing on agenda for you when he had asked you out. Two months ago, you had found out that Steve’s lips were as soft and sweet as they seemed and drawing was not the only art he mastered. Two months ago, you had discovered that Steve’s hands were not only made for fighting and protecting and creating something beautiful, but for holding you and showing you heaven unparalleled.

You were in love.

You were lovers.

You had just decided to keep it low for the moment – as low as it was possible among spies like Natasha Romanoff, Bucky Barnes or Melinda May, as low as it was possible among the Avengers.

It wasn’t that you were ashamed of each other or your together or worried about professional repercussions – Steve was confident that should it come to it, he could make sure you wouldn’t work on same missions should either of you feel compromised by your relationship. That wasn’t an issue, not truly.

It was just that… he was Captain America. You were a SHIELD agent, half an Avenger, one might say. You had noisy friends and colleagues, and the public already speculated about the nature of your relationship whenever someone snapped a picture of you two together. It wasn’t a question of life and death, even if Steve might argue on that one, worrying his affections might put you into an even bigger danger than you already were on a daily basis. It was a question of comfort.

You wanted your love to be just yours for a little while longer; you wanted your love to be a private place, a shelter, a sanctuary – not a public affair.

So outside the privacy of certain rooms in the Avengers facility, you were still nothing but close friends. That was what you had agreed on, this trip included. Key word of the trip: friends.

You weren’t sure if the façade would hold.

With Steve’s hand now cupping your cheek, you weren’t so sure you cared.

You cared much more about the relief flowing through your body at finally feeling his touch again, an invisible weight, a subconscious tension in the back of your head, melting off your body. That, and you cared that he could see just fine while your eyes were still adjusting, your brain scrambling to put together a mental image of the tent you had seen before.

It was rather difficult to focus now that Steve had kissed your lips, steering your mind elsewhere, but as you briefly met his lips in return – oh so sweet and tempting – one fact about the interior struck you, causing you to withdraw a bit.

“…where’s my sleeping bag?”

You might still not see Steve’s face clearly, but you could hear the smile in his voice just fine.

“Don’t know. Do you need it?”

You chuckled, arching your brow, naively clueless.

“I’m going to sleep, so yes. It’s a sleeping bag. There’s literally its purpose in its name.”

Steve’s hand grasped at your nape to pull you back as you tried to look around, inching closer, his amused gaze boring into yours in the shadows.

“Don’t get smart with me now, sweetheart,” he whispered, fingers flexing in your skin, a signal your body comprehended just fine, just like the message unspoken.

His lips brushing yours again helped too, excitement tingling in your belly, the protest slipping off your tongue but a weak alibi for when you’d reason you had agreed to keep your hands to yourselves in favour of keeping your relationship secret still.

“Steve… we shouldn’t,” you breathed against his mouth, as if you weren’t already reciprocating the affection, parting your lips for him, hand slipping from his own to stroke up his arm to grip on his shoulder, your other laid on his chest.

“No, we shouldn’t.”

Breathing having turned fast and shallow, you welcomed his lips like soil welcomed rain after weeks of drought; parched earth now soaking in relief, new wild life sprouting within, warm and beautiful under the sun Steve embodied as he caressed your skin.

It lit you alive, finally touching him again as you were meant to, as you were longing since had set off for the trip; finally feeling sated after having been drinking every feeble drizzle in the form of a gentle brush of hands he had offered, yet growing thirsty with every drop of affection you wished you could drown in.

You wouldn’t stop for air when he kissed you breathless. When he pulled you to his lap, his palm settling firmly over your back, the only sensible thing your desire-drunk brain could think of was to press closer, hand sliding into his hair, relishing in the way his fingers dug into your flesh with need. You wouldn’t have stopped for air – what was the few agents, your friends, who had no idea your relationship with Steve was way beyond platonic. They couldn’t see you anyway. Half of them already knew; the other half was probably asleep.

Here. Now. Steve’s lips, his hands, his torso firm and steady apart from his wavering breaths, thighs solid but soft and welcoming between your legs. That mattered.

Steve released your lips with a sigh of deep contentment and a teeny protest on your part, foreheads resting against one another, a peck to your lips to sooth you, a peck to his to show you didn’t have enough of him. Not nearly enough. You never would.

The smile he gave you was warmer than the midday sun; that much you could see, your eyes finally slowly adjusting.

“Hi,” he breathed out.

Just like that.

Hi.

The simplest greetingwhose true meaning – I missed you – remained hidden to the world outside of you two. Much like other small gestures today.

A smile; I’m happy you’re here with me.

Catching you when you had slipped; I’ve got you.

Treating your wounds; I’ll always take care of you.

Cradling your hands; you’re precious to me.

Checking up on him; I’m here for you.

Squeezing his shoulders, brushing your fingers over his skin; you’re safe with me.

Agreeing to share his tent; I need you close.

‘Not on my watch’; I’d fight the world for you.

‘We shouldn’t’; I want you.

“Hi,” you said back, smiling too despite the reprimand to come. “You’re a terrible influence.”; I adore you.

Steve ran his hand up and down your back gently, chuckling, brushing your nose with his before retreating and finding your gaze in the dark.

“I love you too.”

Unlike the first time he had uttered it during the trip, you whispered the words in return, rewarded by another sweet kiss, slow and deep, a confession of love written into your very soul, bodies so close they could merge into one.

“Missed you. Missed touching you. Almost kissed you on at least ten different occasions. Wouldn’t even care who’d see,” he confessed, sealing his words with another kiss as if to make up for all the lost opportunities.

“Yeah, me too. You are very distracting.”

Steve grinned boyishly into the next kiss, teeth pulling briefly on your lower lip, the hand on your back urging you to erase ever half an inch between you.

“You tell me. Especially now,” he mused, fingers tugging at the hoodie for explanation, a flicker of satisfaction igniting your chest. Good; for all his shameless attempts to break your will, as gentle as they had been, you had been teasing him in return by simply walking around wearing his clothes. Good.

It took a split second; that flicker turned into a wildfire of another kind as his dextrous fingers slid under the hem of the hoodie, tenderly – and so purposely lightly – brushing the sensitive skin under your ribcage. Your fingers dug into his shoulder reflexively, a soundless moan escaping you at the sensation of muscles flexing under your touch.

“You know, this one’s my favourite.”

Fondness battled with desire in your chest, the awareness of why feeling warm and burning at once.

“I know.”

“Uh-huh,” Steve hummed, lips trailing along your jaw, wordlessly asking you to tilt you head back. Oh how gladly you gave him the space... “You know why?”

You did. You were certain of it, but Steve’s hand on your back slid under the hoodie too, teasing alongside the clasps of your bra and the first and only word coming off your mouth was a pleading yes, the clasps undone a fraction of second later, your fingers plunging deeper into his hair, his lips returning to yours.

“What was that, sweetheart?”  

“It’s my favourite too,” you confessed, eyes fluttering open to meet Steve’s burning gaze. “Makes the blue of your eyes pop up…”

He caressed the bare skin over your hip, causing you to almost lose your train of thought again as his fingertips continued their path alongside the hem of your leggings, a deviously innocent smile adorning his lips as he watched your lips part with a sigh and your hips unwittingly buck forward.

The hitch in his voice at that was music to your ears.

“That so?”

“Yeah… and because I-- wore it, the first morning... after,” you whispered, the fond memory of Steve’s lips on your temple coaxing you to greet a new day with a promise of a breakfast and a lazy morning together, both forgotten for a while when you had followed him to the kitchen a few moments later and he had seen you walk in nothing but this very hoodie, deciding he was in a mood for a different kind of a feast and nothing all that lazy.

“That’s right,” he praised, hand sliding under your leggings at last, cupping your heat. Biting your lip to keep quiet, a silent keen of pleasure escaped you still at the relief and the tease all at once, Steve’s lips instantly on yours to drink up the sound with a groan. “Have to be quiet, sweetheart.”

“Thought you liked hearing me-”

“I always hear you… every little sound you make for me, every little sound I coax out of you,” he husked, dextrous fingers working to do exactly that, stirring the flames in your veins hotter, a muted grunt forcing its way past Steve’s lips as his fingertips explored with delight just how aroused you were. “God sweetheart, you’re dripping for me.”

“And whose fault is that? You’re the one who insisted on giving me this hoodie---- ah, and ripped logs apart with bare hands through half of this evening-”

Steve smile tasted devious on yours as you couldn’t but grin at his menacing ways – but by god, what a sight that had been. Lightning could have struck right next to you and you wouldn’t have noticed, entirely hypnotized by the display of sheer strength, the action barely making your lover break a sweat.

Now, when you tugged him closer to take more, to taste more, to get closer, always closer, already drunk on hip lips and nowhere close to having enough, his muscles danced under your hands again, a sheen glow of perspiration forming, the hardness responding to the undulation of your hips a testimony of you not being the only one affected, succumbing to primal desire.

Yet, you felt his obvious upper hand in his voice, the way he preened at your praise, even when hidden under the veil of a faux-complaint.

“You liked that, honey? Like it when I show off my strength?”

He knew the answer and yet you granted it to him in a silent whimper, hand sliding down the hard bulge of his arm, a sensation almost as divine as his fingers sliding past the soaked fabric of your underwear and entering you, the first step on the ladder towards the stars.

“Yes, Steve—love, I-”

“Yes, honey?” he coaxed, lips an inch from yours. “What were you saying?”

“Gentle and strong---and big,” you managed to breathe out as he pumped his fingers in a way he had already learned would lift you higher and higher towards your peak, his gaze hungry as he watched the pleasure distort your features, every little sound you tried your goddamn best to muffle as not to give your friends a show fuelling his effort to make you lose that game and driving him wilder in retun. “Should manhandle me more often-“

“Is that right?” he chuckled warmly, so warmly and content you didn’t have time or space in your mind to feel shame for admitting it, less so since he curled his fingers just like that, mouth pressed to the column of your neck in a demanding kiss, a graze of teeth that nearly knocked your breath out of your lungs, your whole body burning like a supernova about to explode. “I’ll take a note. But for now… I gotta be gentle so you don’t let everyone know how close you are to your Captain.”

And gentle he was; a gentle tease. But as devious as he could be, dark eyes drinking in the sight of you falling apart for him but few second later, a sinful smile on his lips shining with your arousal when he took you apart for the second time, sucking a bruise to your inner thigh as you came down from your high – he drew plenty of his pleasure from your own and was still a giver. He kissed his way up your still trembling body, exposing more and more skin to give love to, until he reached your lips again, muffling both yours and his moan as he slowly entered you at last, taking for himself too, once, twice, no need for rest, but pausing still to feel the shared bliss spreading through your bodies.

Despite Steve’s lips being nothing short of wicked, his hands both tender and all kinds of greedy – an honour you so willingly and enthusiastically reciprocated – the words spoken between you were soft and sweet; and as quiet as you tried to be, there was plenty of space for I love yous without uttering a word.  

A gentle touch to angle your hips.

A caress alongside his jaw.

A kiss to your collarbone.

A hungry kiss to his lips.

The grip on your waist.

The dirty roll of your hips you knew made him see stars.

A press of his lips to your lower back when he flipped you over, a lingering moment of reprieve and torture before he entered you again in one smooth movement.

Confessions whispered to your ear and just as sweet and delicate breathed in return.

Love you; need you; gonna keep you.

Yes. More. Always want more of you.

You have all of me.

I’ve got you, love.

You did have each other. Body humming in quiet aftershocks of bliss, contentment settled deep in your soul, you fell asleep curled to Steve’s front, his arm draped securely around your waist, keeping you close.

The one sleeping bag which he had unpacked was but draped over your bodies, way too small to cover you both fully. And yet, you were perfectly warm and safe from the cold and the outside world, Steve’s breathing lulling you to a peaceful sleep full of gentle fire and stars-littered skies resting just at your fingertips.

Waking up came with flickers of blurry images you could hardly distinguish from a dream; but as you found yourself alone, colder than before despite being safely tucked into a cocoon of a sleeping bag, you smiled as you recognized some of them as real.

A morning ritual of a kiss to your temple; a gentle advice for you to sleep a little longer; your body seeking Steve’s on instinct, the hard planes of muscle relaxing again as he gave in and held you for another while, lips pressed to your hairline, an embrace full of love. Bucky’s grumpy voice whisper-yelling from an immense distance, reminding Steve that he had been the one to plan the morning run so he’d better get his ass out and stop shagging his lady; Steve’s sweet grunt so quiet that perhaps not even supersoldier ears could hear it from outside of the tent that yes, but that had been before he knew he’d have you for himself.

The dreams after that you didn’t remember, but you recalled they were awfully sweet and you wished to be woken up just like the first time.

Still, despite finding yourself alone, body slightly aching, the memories of last night and earlier this morning brought a wide smile to your face. The inside of the tent was already perfectly bright, so sun must have been high despite the relatively early hour. In your high spirit, the idea of warm sunrays even made you consider going for a swim in the lake, just to have the excuse to wear Steve’s hoodie later, discarded in a corner, again.

You pulled it over your head, fingers running through your hair to have the worst of your bed hair go away and pull it into a lose bun, you slowly climbed out of the tent, your smile only widening at the beautiful scenery awaiting you – and you didn’t mean your friends barely just getting out of their tents too. The woods, the sun reflecting in the crystal-clear lake, the remnants of the morning mist, the dew sparkling on the grass like thousands of soft diamonds.

Eyes slipping close to feel the sunrays on your skin, you stretched your arms above your head, breathing in deeply, the slightly crisp and gorgeously fresh air-

“I BLOODY KNEW IT!”

Your heart nearly gave out at the sudden cry, making you wince and drop your arms in an instant, seeking the source.

Pulse thundering in your ears from the fright, your gaze found Hunter, turning to Bobbi by his side with his mouth hanging open with shock as if he had just witnessed a real-life Loch Ness monster peek out from the lake and dive back again. Maybe he had.

The tension melted from your shoulders as you sighed, willing yourself to relax again.

Whatever was his issue, it was way too early for you to deal with his shenanigans – you’d leave that to his ex-wife.

You shook your head and turned back, letting yourself to take inventory; your body was aching all over, a testimony to a long pleasant night, thighs, lower back and neck a little stiff. You rolled your neck to relief the tension a bit, then shoulders, tilting your head to one side and then the other, nearly groaning at the stretch and satisfying ache--- only for your work to be instantly undone by Daisy’s loud voice. 

“Hunter, what the-- oh my god YES! Fucking finally!” she all but shrieked, the undiluted excitement in her voice causing you to snap back to her, panic rising in your chest.

Because you knew that tone.

This was exactly the tone she had used when she told you to shag Captain America, to share the sleeping bag with Steve. Had she seen your sleeping bag packed, assuming you had listened to her? But she couldn’t have possibly known you hadn’t had a head start and already packed it back again, so why would she give into that excitement so easy, that couldn’t have been-

“What is it?” you blurted out, heart in your throat, brain in an overdrive as you tried to think, think, think-

Your gaze found Steve’s as he and Bucky emerged from among the trees, slightly breathless, the loud ruckus clearly having startled them and making them race back to the camp.

You took a precious second to appreciate the absolute god-like appearance of his, red, red lips, chest heaving, arms bulging now that he put his hands on his hips and looked around with slightly worried and entirely confused blues that reflected the colour of the sky, his hair ruffled by the wind, sticking to several directions as it had lined with sweat.

“Nice badge, agent,” May commented dryly.

And yet, her voice dripped with amusement, the corners of her lips twitching in a smile, causing you to frown.

Nice badge? What did she mean by-

Oh shit.

Oh fuck.

Your hands immediately flew up to your neck, covering the incriminated spot she was referring to, even as you hadn’t been aware there was one.

But there must have been.

A hickey.

You had a visible hickey, not just the one on your inner thigh which you knew Steve was so bloody proud of.

You had a hickey on your neck and now everyone saw it, an undeniable proof that you and Steve had most definitely not shared a tent platonically, but had shared a whole lot more.

You doubted you could blame the bruise – you didn’t even know what it looked like, oh god, you were mortified,why hadn’t you checked your appearance in a mirror, why – on some super-powered mosquitos drunk on Daisy’s Inhuman blood as Hunter had mentioned. And even if you could – you were hundred percent sure your spy training had flied out of the window and if the hickey hadn’t given it away, your imitation of a deer in the headlights when caught certainly had.

Speechless. You were rendered absolutely speechless and while this wasn’t any kind of tragedy, you felt the world spinning a bit. Oh no.

“Not that it’s any news,” May added, a smirk on her lips as all the gazes of those who did consider it news snapped to her.

“What do you mean?” Hopkinson asked, grumpy and entirely stunned.

Bucky snorted by Steve’s side, clearly highlyamused unlike your love and lover.

“You call yourself spies? They’ve been together for like two months and he’s been giving her heart-eyes from day one-“

“A-HA! Called the heart-eyes!” Daisy cried out pointing at you victoriously – and pausing.

Steve used the opportunity to put himself together, approaching you sheepishly and slowly as if he was worried you might actually throw something at him for leaving a badge of honour and shame on your neck. Which you might. Dammit Steven! If you found out that this was some kind of a ploy to make Hopkinson piss off if he really did have hots for you or whatever, you might spend the next night in your own tent alone just because.

“…wait, that means-- so you’re saying I quaked apart the buckles for nothing?”

At that, all eyes turned to her; and Bobbi let out a small sound of surprise.

“Oh! You quaked the— oh. That makes sense,” she said. “Well, I guess I unsecured the food container for nothing too, then.”

It was like watching a cartoon; at her admission, all heads turned to her in comical speed, stunned – and yours and Steve’s most of all, even as he stood at your side at last, a tender brush of his hand to your forearm for support.

Bobbi had done what?!

Something awesome in Daisy’s opinion, that was for sure. The women exchanged a conspiratory smile full of mutual respect and understanding.

All you could do was stare at them mutely. Daisy, well, she hadn’t surprised you all that much, even as you’d never dream of her doing that – but Bobbi? She had a wicked sense of humour and she certainly possessed a no-nonsense approach to things, but-

“Well, now I feel like a sucker,” Hunter said, glancing at his almost-wife. “I mean, all I did was not to tell her that her shoelaces were undone so she’d trip and someone would give her some TLC.”

You turned to him, gaping, no air coming in or out.

Y tu, Brutus?

All three of your friends had been on this, though apparently without cooperation? You were done. You were so completely done. And to think you had considered Hopkinson had been playing pranks on you. He was probably the only person who hadn’t been on this.

“Hunter, that’s awful,” Daisy commented at the sneaky act, causing him to raise his hands palms up innocently. “What if she’d have twisted her ankle or something?”

“Well then even better, wouldn’t it? He’d have to carry her in those--- arms with the biceps the size of bowling balls. And it worked, ain’t it? TLC, big time. Have you seen them when he treated her hands?”

Daisy paused, briefly lost in thought; then, she made a face. She couldn’t argue about that. Just like you couldn’t argue about the possibility of Steve’s solution being exactly the one and you being very much affected by being carried bridal style in his arms like that.

Not that that was the point.  

They really might have as well all worked in sync even if they hadn’t, huh?

Except all these things, arranged to get you and Steve together or somehow make you realize your feelings and act on them, were a little late to the party.

“Well, good work, everyone. I mean, it was fun to watch you try,” Natasha said, moving to continue packing her tent, slowly setting the scene in motion again.

“Almost as much fun as watching you two try to keep it under wraps,” Bucky smirked, walking past Steve and patting him on the shoulder. “Sorry to break it to you, but when it comes to undercover, you’d be more convincing as a couple of newlyweds.”

You sputtered at that remark, still to stunned to react otherwise, your famed ability to work under pressure and in unexpected circumstances suddenly nowhere to be found. You guessed it only applied to the field.

“I-” you started, unsure how to continue, feeling too busted – but also relieved somehow – turning to the man whose fault all this was. “Steve?”

He just opened his mouth, too taken aback as well; which you took as a prove that he hadn’t been aware of that hickey, bless him. Which… was curious at least, but he had enough wits to look guilty, so you’d leave that for after you’d process this.

May cleared her throat loudly.

“Alright, now that we established the bad luck that’s been following you was not bad luck at all, I believe we have a long hike ahead? We should move on with packing…”

Yes. Packing. That sounded wonderful. Anything to get the attention off you – though you weren’t sure it would help all that much.

Daisy, Hunter and Bobbi seemed simply too amazed by the revelation and satisfied with their work all the same. And Hopkinson was… something. Processing probably. Certainly not happy for you; you didn’t want to examine why. Even if it would support Daisy’s theory of him actually liking you, which was a wholly different can of worms you did not want to open at the moment.

You shook your head, your smile tight.

“Good call, Agent May. Thank you.”

She casted a small smile your way, actually shooting Daisy a pointed look so the younger agent would stop staring at you. She did; but not before she showed you a pair of painfully unsubtle thumbs-up, setting your cheeks aflame even more than earlier.

Once no one was looking, you lightly slapped Steve’s thigh with the back of your hand, staring him down despite truly feeling relieved you wouldn’t have to spend the rest of the trip hiding anything besides the incriminated spot on your neck. …and your inner thigh when you’d go for a swim.

He observed you sheepishly and gently took hold of your left wrist, lifting your palm from where it had been covering your neck still; his gaze zeroed on that side of your neck – the very side on which you had been lying on when you had woken up, probably having been hiding the testimony to your passionate night from him when he had left you.

His pupils grew a little wider, eyes a shade darker, the hold on your wrist tighter-

“No!” you whisper-yelled at him, the corners of his lips twitching even as he seemed genuinely apologetic. He let you go when you tugged your hands free. “No, mister. You’ve already done enough.”

“Yes, I did… four times,” Steve whispered as lowly as possible, a loud responding groan sounding from both you and Bucky, who probably regretted having enhanced hearing at the moment.

“What?” Natasha asked.

“Believe me… you don’t even want to know.”

Your plan was to pack as fast as possible and get on your way; but there were things to be done. The team was onto packing, cleaning up after the yesterday’s fire, rinsing in the lake – and thankfully, chatting about various things of which none was you.

With Steve’s help, you had put down your tent, now finally dry, and moved on to a the group of trees where you had hung your clothes – now also dry and clean of the smell of marinade if not the stains.

You heard the shuffle of feet before you saw him; you froze in your movements, recognizing the pattern.

Hopkinson cleared his throat, signalling his presence, causing you to sigh and slowly turn to him.

You expected a snidey remark, bracing yourself for him boasting about how he had been right, about the pimping all those weeks ago and about Steve keeping you warm through the night – but to your surprise, his face was set in a pleasantly neutral mask.

It took you aback so much you didn’t make a sound before he spoke.

“So uhm… I’m all packed. You need any help?”

Your eyebrows shot up near your hairline before you could school your expression, your jaw falling a bit slack; a voice in the back of your head, one that sounded a lot like Daisy saying ‘Grade-A display of jealously’, whispered of the guy actually liking you,as unlikely as it had seem.

It did not seem all that impossible now; his posture was stiff and careful, which could be just him being nervous now that he knew you were under Steve’s protection on a whole new level, or being unsure how to approach you – but there was a hesitant interest and warmth in his eyes when you allowed yourself to look at him for long enough. And despite the tension in his shoulders, there was something rather welcoming. As if he was genuinely offering help.

Well, you’d be damned-

The creeping realization must have shown on your face, because his own expression fell, heat colouring his cheeks, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

“Oh. You know. Well, this is embarrassing.”

“I little, yeah,” you admitted, your voice a little breathless and a little too high. Did an exchange just happen between you without a single insult yet? Did he really just admit to feeling anything else than the grandiosity of his ego, pointing out he was rather uncomfortable because of something? Wow. Just… wow. “I mean… I didn’t even realize. I’m… sorry.”

Your felt your features twist into a frown, confused by your own words – and feelings. The ‘sorry’ sounded strange to your own ears and tasted even stranger on your tongue, because from the two of you, it wasn’t you who should be apologizing. It hadn’t been you who had been the absolute douche.

And yet, here you were.

“Well, it doesn’t matter. A guy can’t exactly compete with… that, can he?” he suggested, chuckling bitterly.

Your eyebrows, having return to their normal position, arched again.

You understood his point: Steve truly was quite the competition for about anyone. But not for the reason you just knew flashed through Hopkinson’s mind. It had little to do with the size of Steve’s shoulders, the mantle he carried or his absolutely brilliant smile – as much as you admired or adored these things about him. It had much more to do with who he was without the shield; whom he’d still be if the serum fell out of him tomorrow.

You didn’t think he’d understand; he wasn’t in love with Steve Rogers.

“You mean… compete with the guy who’s not acting like an asshole around the woman he likes?”

Hopkinson grimaced, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“…I kinda deserved that. I’m… sorry.”

“Yup. You di-”

You stopped mid-sentence, his words actually registering in your brain. Did he… did he just apologize? And acknowledged that he had been an ass? Today really was full of shocking revelations.

The satisfaction of this one was too good not to enjoy. And yet. Maybe it was the emotional turmoil you had been riding out the whole morning, maybe the relief of you and Steve not having to hide, maybe it was the lingering euphoria of the previous night – but seeing Hopkinson stand there awkwardly, him, awkwardly, you did feel a little bit sorry for the guy.

You sighed again, this time mostly at yourself. “But hey. Some people are into the whole… golden hearted jerk thing.”

“What?!” he snapped, arms crossing on his chest defensively, as if the word jerk wasn’t the nicest one you could think of when it came to his behaviour. Then, he apparently heard past it – and his face cleared up. “Oh… what?”

Oh you were so going to regret this… and yet, it felt somehow right. Setting your folded clothes on the ground next to you, you met his gaze reluctantly, resisting the urge to sigh again.

“Look… have you’ve been a jerk? Yes. Absolutely. Jealous too, even when not entitled to it. But… I’ve seen you cover people in the field with your own body. Catch a bullet for them too. Save people. I’m not an idiot. Someone who does that? They’re not all bad. Hence the golden-hearted added to the jerk,” you said softly, unable to smirk as you threw in the insult just once more, because damn did it feel good to say it to his face after having to deal with his assholery. “And someone, like, I don’t know, maybe Agent Summers for example, are into that-“

“Wait what?! Angela?”

You had to blink as he interrupted you swiftly, surprised he knew who you were talking about – and that knew her first name. That was a good sign; maybe he wasn’t a completely lost cause yet. A flicker of warmth in your chest lit up, a silent reassurance that you had done the right thing telling him that. It seemed he did care for someone else than himself.

“Uhm, you didn’t hear that from me, but… let’s just say that maybe if you look around back home… you’ll be surprised there are people who have an eye on you,” you concluded.

Hopkinson watched you for a few beats of silence, something in his face softening in a way you didn’t think was possible. There was a hint of a smile, a genuine one, without a biting edge – and to your surprise, without the air of irony, it made for quite an attractive image. You hadn’t been blind to the fact he was a handsome man – one who was all too aware of it – but combined with something resembling kindness, it simply hit different. 

“Thanks, Libra. Really.”

A small smile spread on your lips as you hesitated for but a moment before you extended your hand – the final gesture of offering peace even as you hadn’t been the one to disrupt it. Surprised flickered on Hopkinson’s face; but he shook your hand, almost a gentleman’s grip.

Almost.

“But if you break her heart, I’ll break your arm. Minimum,” you said, deadly serious.

He retreated his hand, observing you with uncertain smile.

But oh he’d better be certain. Because you would. If he’d muck up his chance to be better, he’d pay.

“I’d trust her if I were you,” a familiar voice carrying a weight of authority and promise sounded behind you. “And you should know that I’d help her do it if she wanted.”

Hopkinson shot Steve a respectful glare and took a step back, causing the corners of your lips to twitch when he looked back at you. “Understood, ma’am… sir,---Captain.”

You bit your lips to stop the laughter at his sudden nervousness and prompt leave – but seeing Steve squared to a fight, wrapped in an aura of an uncompromising protector, did things to you, so you couldn’t say you blamed Hopkinson for being affected, albeit drastically differently than you.

Heat swelling in your belly, you tried to gather your wits by gathering your clothes; before you could, warm arms wrapped around your middle from behind, gently pulling you to Steve’s front, lips pressed to your neck, right over where your hickey was, now hidden by a scarf.

Smiling and revelling in the contact, you chastised him all the same. “PDA, Steve… and I’m not forgiving you that hickey, by the way. You’re possessive, mister. You’re gonna get me into trouble with my boss.”

“Can you blame me? And I have it on good authority at least one of your bosses approves,” he said decisively. You couldn’t feel his smile over the scarf, but you heard it in his voice, a silent whisper of an apology and seduction at once. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you or get you into trouble. I honestly didn’t even realize. I just got… lost in you. Always do… you drive me crazy in the best ways.”

The little sweep in your belly at his flattering confession was undeniable; smiling wider, you melted against his body, earning a brush of lips against your temple, drawing a content sigh from your lips. You could get used to that. Steve’s voice in your ear, his arms around you, a beautiful view of nature…

What had you been talking about?

Ah.

“Same… but your hickeys heal right away. It’s so unfair.”

“True,” he hummed, nuzzling your neck softly when your hand settled over his. “Speaking of fair and unfair… you were far too kind to that jerkface. You’re a good person.”

“I try,” you said with a grin, pleased all the same.

Suddenly spun around, you couldn’t help the small yelp erupting from your lips, and neither the laughter as you landed in Steve’s arms, palms steading you against his chest as he looked down at you with a heart-melting smile.

“And I love you.”

Hopkinson who? The guy had been right. There was no competing with Steve and this moment, seeing him so happy from something as simple as holding you, four simple words that made the world shrink into the small bubble of your embrace, was just one of million reasons why.

Why even after barely two months, you were utterly, undeniably his.

Utterly and undeniably in love.

“I love you too… even when you’re about to drag me god knows how many miles,” you added cheekily, your breath hitching in anticipation as he leaned his head down, alluring lips you already craved again but an inch away.

“I’ll carry you if it comes to it-”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time-”

“Always, sweetheart,” he promised, finally erasing the distance, mouth pressed to yours softly, warm hand between your shoulder blades pressing your closer as your hand slipped to his nape and into his hair.

The awareness of not being alone was but a distant thought in the minuscule corner in the back of your mind. You sighed when Steve moulded your lips to his liking, mouths parting for but a split second and then connecting again, your head beginning to spin, heat spreading through your veins that had nothing to do with the sunrays caressing your skin. You didn’t fight the sensations, letting them consume you, revelling in the fact you two could do that now, publicly; and whenever you would say no to Steve?

When he retreated with a smile, nose nudging against yours, you found yourself grinning like a fool and griping on his t-shirt, the profound happiness in his eyes causing your heart to flutter.

God, you were so very, very lucky. The fact you had good friends looking out for you in their questionable but well-intended ways, only spoke in favour of that assumption.

“Well, I guess that with that… despite all the little misfortunes I had on this trip, I feel pretty lucky then.”

“Yeah? That makes two of us.”

Steve’s grin tasted sweet as he kissed you again, your fingers caressing along his throat awakening a silent rumble in his chest, his hand moving to your nape to keep you in place as his lips grew more demanding, your lips parting oh so willingly to accommodate him, your core burning as the kiss became so fierce you felt a strain in your back from bending backwards just a bit.

“OI PUNK! Just because they all know now, doesn’t meant we want the front row to you necking your girl!” Bucky yelled with too much laughter to his words for anyone think he was truly annoyed. “Knock it off!”

You grinned into the kiss at Steve’s not-so-gentlemanly curse, blinking away the daze when his lips left yours with a muted pop, hands remaining exactly where they were.

Wow, okay.

“Speak for yourself. I’m super happy to finally see them together…” Daisy said, crossing her arms on her chest, a cheeky grin on her lips.

“Oh, it gets old pretty quickly, trust me,” Natasha uttered with a fond smile. “They’re gross.”

“Amen…”

“Come on, guys… we have a long trail ahead,” May reprimanded you all, throwing her backpack on, nodding towards Steve. “Where to, Cap?”

That finally had Steve release you – not before pecking your lips once more, much to your shared delight – his figurative leader suit slipping on, making him stand taller, his voice earning a quality that made everyone fall in line; and you look at him with pride.  

“I’m on it, Agent May,” he said dutifully. “Let’s go.”

With that, gathered your clothes in one arm and he headed up towards the rest of the group and to your backpacks; the pile of clothes on one hand, his other wrapped securely around yours.

You were still wearing his hoodie; if he’d let you, you’d proudly wear it for the rest of the trip.

Something told you he’d be more than happy about it.

Complete masterlist

Steve Rogers masterlist

Here we go! I hope you enjoyed the little twist and the shenanigans 🤭 I certainly did. But also boooooy this is so much longer than intended.... ah well, Story of my life.

Thank you for reading and should you leave feedback, I thank you tenfold 💕 May your August be generous to you 🥰

P.S. - check out the rest of the masterlist for the challenge/celebration! I sure have my eye on it 👀

P.P.S - just because I can:

[multifandombitxh]

Keep It Down

Pairing: Din Djarin x Fem!Reader

Genre: Smut/Angst with some fluff sprinkled in there ✨

Warnings: Self pleasure, caught in the act, jealous/protective Din, 18+

AN: some good ol Jealous!Din for the girlies 😌 It's such a stereotypical fic gang I'm gonna be so real with you lmao. It's also a long one so prepare for the worst typos you've ever witnessed.

PS I haven't seen S3 yet but I got back into the hype 💁‍♀️

18+ minors dni

It had been quite some time since you were able to have a moment to yourself. So long, in fact, that you couldn't remember the last time you did anything for yourself that was even remotely relaxing. You had been stuck on one mission for months, scouring the corners of each galaxy for a specific target with an unreasonably high bounty over their head. Din kept telling you it would be worth it in the end, but you were beginning to doubt that sentiment about two months into the search.

After a very pleasant visit to Alderaan, you were able to snag something for yourself to help with some much needed "stress relief".

You did your best to hide it from Din, considering you really didn't want him to know you'd just purchased a vibrating self massager. They were hard to come by, so when you found a merchant that sold them discreetly, you knew you had to take the chance. After it was all said and done, and Din asked where you'd been while he was busy getting information about the target, it was hard to explain to him where you'd gone.

"And where have you been this whole time?" He asked as you approached him outside of a local bar.

"I was, um, chatting up some locals," You lied, trying to maintain some semblance of composure as he stared you down. "Wasn't able to find anything about the target. I don't think he's been here."

"Well, while you were busy wasting your time, I was able to find one of his distant relatives," He explained, "Turns out he has such a high bounty for more than just murder, he's a real piece of shit in the eyes of his family. She said she knows where he might be."

"Yeah? Where?"

"Tatooine."

You scoffed. "That's not far."

"Which means we need to leave soon," He explained, "There's a crew heading there in just a few hours."

"Okay, so who's the crew?" You asked, eyeing him suspiciously. "Why can't we just go on our own? The ship could make it."

"It could, but not that quickly," He sighed, "Their ship is a little more advanced. It'll get us there faster."

You shrugged, raising an eyebrow at him. "Have you talked to them?"

He nodded once and began to walk off, likely in the direction of the meeting place. "I have. That distant relative? She knows these guys, let me talk to one of them over her communicator. They said they'll take us there, no questions asked."

You followed closely, trying to match his pace. "I find that hard to believe."

"You find a lot of things hard to believe," He teased, nudging your shoulder with his own. "It's kept us out of a lot of trouble. Always liked that about you."

You tried not to react to the compliment- the last thing he needed was an ego boost- but internally, it made your heart flutter and your stomach feel heavy. You opted not to respond to this, hoping he wouldn't press.

Unfortunately, that only made it worse.

"Would it kill you to take a compliment every once in a while?" He asked, his tone annoyed.

"It might," You replied with a smile, "Never done it, so I don't know."

"Maybe you should try it some time," He scoffed back at you, causing you to roll your eyes.

Your relationship with Din was complicated to say the least. You knew from the start you had some kind of attraction to him- what kind, you weren't sure, but it was strong and unrelenting. His voice was dangerously enticing, leaving you shivering any time he spoke just above a whisper, and the mystery of his face only added to the excitement. You had no clue what he looked like under that helmet, but you didn't care at this point. It never occurred to you to fantasize about his appearance- the way he carried himself, his voice, his confidence, everything about him struck you more.

But you'd be lying if you said you weren't a little bit curious about the color of his eyes.

When the two of you finally arrived at the crew's headquarters, you gave him a skeptical look. The warehouse before you was old, rusting and decaying in every corner. It was discolored, looking to have once been a pale green. The roof had caved in in several places, and the stairs to the roof were a death trap waiting to collapse on any unsuspecting victims. Din took note of your expression, waving his hand once to dismiss it.

"Not a word," He commanded, "I don't want to hear it."

"All I'm saying-"

"Don't make me tell you twice, Y/N. I already know what you're going to say, so zip it."

Frowning, you folded your arms over your chest in a pout. You followed him inside, passing through a creaky metal door that you were sure would be better off as scrap metal. Din led the way, checking corners and keeping one hand close to his blaster. As you entered the warehouse, the smell of burning rubber invaded your nostrils, causing you to make a face. As you rounded a corner, a large, shiny silver ship sat in the center of the large open space.

It stood out like a sore thumb, clean and sparkling among the rubble. You both exchanged looks, watching as three people stood around the ship and chatted away. They didn't seem hostile, but you knew better than to underestimate them. You approached carefully, keeping an eye out for any others who might be hiding nearby. One of them took notice of you as you stepped under a light, giving you away.

"Hey, the Mandalorian is here!" He called out, waving excitedly at the two of you. The man was tall and thin, barely any meat on his bones but a smile that was charming in its own way. "He's got a friend! Come on over, you guys!"

Din glanced over at you slowly, and you returned his look with a shrug. As you walked over to the group, you took in the remaining two of the crew; a woman with short, dark hair, several tattoos, and a frown that would scare off anyone. The other, a man of similar stature to the first, wore round, thick glasses, and was covered in what appeared to be oil.

"Lera said you'd be coming soon," The man said, "What are your names? I'm Dom, that's Starsei, and this guy over here is my twin, Arus."

"Y/N," You greeted, offering a small smile, then gesturing to Din. "He won't tell you his name, just call him whatever you like."

Din nodded, affirming your words. Dom watched the two of you for a moment, a huge grin still plastered to his face. A fourth member of the crew emerged from underneath the ship, covered in more oil than Arus. His dark, straight hair clung to his forehead and his mouth hung open as he breathed heavily. Oil stuck to his bare torso as he offered the two of you a wave.

"And that's Nox," Dom said, an annoyed tone to his voice.

You couldn't help smiling at Nox- he was handsome, likely more handsome than most- with a wide jaw, dark stubble, and his body toned similarly to that of a God. You shifted your weight as he locked eyes with you, shooting you a half smile that gave you butterflies. Din stood beside you, moving closer as he noticed the tension that hung between you and the mystery man. Nox took note of Din as well, offering him a full smile.

"Have any trouble getting here?" He asked, his voice just as dreamy as he looked.

"No," Din said simply.

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room as the two of them held each other's gaze, as if a silent conversation was happening just between them. You cleared your throat and looked over to Dom, giving him a warm smile. "So, um, when do we leave?"

"As soon as you're ready," He replied, "We were just finishing up repairs on the ship, so you're welcome to head inside and make yourselves at home. We'll all be roommates for the next two days, so we'll do a big dinner tonight to get to know each other better."

"Sounds great," You said, your voice as friendly as you could muster. There was a clear rivalry brewing between Nox and Din, and you were trying to do everything in your power to alleviate the tension. "We'll head inside."

Din ignored you, still staring at Nox. Irritated, you grabbed his upper arm and began dragging him toward the ship, smiling at the others along the way. Nox caught your eye again and you smiled, hoping he wasn't intimidated by Din too much. Once inside the ship, you all but slammed Din against a wall once you were out of earshot of the others.

"What is wrong with you?" You asked.

"What's wrong with me?" He replied, his voice filled with anger. "What's wrong with you?"

"I haven't done anything wrong!" You said, shouting in a whisper. "You're the one acting crazy!"

"Oh, I'm the crazy one?" He laughed, "I'm not the one making doe eyes at strangers."

Your mouth hung open in shock. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Y/N," He went on, "This is serious. We don't know them. If he tries something because you couldn't help yourself, and everything goes sideways, this was all for nothing."

"Why do you care?" You asked, becoming annoyed with his reasoning. "He's hot, give me a break! I'm allowed to think people are hot, Din!"

He let out a deep sigh, shaking his head. "We're on a mission, Y/N. This isn't the time."

"Well, it's been a long mission," You huffed, raising an eyebrow at him. "And I'm bored. The least I can do is have a little fun."

In truth, you hadn't even been planning on doing anything with Nox other than admire his good-looks. Your feelings for Din ran deep, and you weren't about to ignore those feelings for one good looking guy. If anything, you were hoping this would show Din that you weren't his, and that he had no claim over you. Maybe, just maybe, it would be enough for him to come clean about his own feelings.

If he even had any for you, that was.

Once everyone was loaded up onto the ship and you'd set off, you found yourself relaxing on a very comfy couch in a very cramped lounge area. The ship was dimly lit, offering little light to help you find your way around, so you opted to sit down and wait until someone told you to do something. After a while, Arus found you, and decided to sit with you.

"So, uh, is your partner, um... Okay?" He asked quietly.

"He's fine," You said, waving your hand.

"What was he so angry about?"

You shrugged, trying not to give away what was really going on between you. "Beats me."

You decided to get to know Arus a bit, finding out that he and Dom were engineers that escaped from the Empire many years ago after faking their deaths. You learned that Starsei is their pilot, and she seems standoffish because she doesn't often speak. She was a prisoner of the Empire, who helped Dom and Arus escape many years ago. Nox is their newest recruit; also an engineer, but mostly specializes in communications. He also used to be a smuggler.

After a while of chatting back and forth, Nox joined the party, sitting between you and Arus.

"Seems like the Mandalorian isn't having a great time if I'm not mistaken," Nox joked, glancing over at you. "Thought he was gonna slit my throat after I saw him in the hall just now."

"He'll warm up to everyone eventually," You said with a small smile, "He's a little hesitant about new people."

"So, how long have you two been together?" Nox asked, wiggling his eyebrows at you. Shock took over your features and you laughed awkwardly at the gesture.

"We're not together," You stated, "We've been working together for a long time now. Maybe a year."

Nox seemed to ponder your response for a moment as Dom entered the room, knocking on the wall to get everyone's attention.

"Arus, we need you up front," Dom said in a soft voice. "Star could use some help."

Arus excused himself, leaving you with Nox in silence. You tried to relax, sinking into the sofa as much as you could to appear as non-threatening as possible. Nox did the same, leaning back and yawning as he crossed his arms over his broad chest. The only sound was the rush of the ship, shaking softly as it dove through space.

"I want to know more about you," Nox said after a moment, turning to meet your gaze. His green eyes were soft, but lidded. "Who is Y/N, exactly? Other than the Mandalorian's pet, I mean."

"I am not his pet," You scoffed, laughing slightly and hitting his upper arm before looking away. "We're friends, that's all."

"You might want to check on that with him," He replied, "He was ready to kill me earlier just for looking at you. I don't think that's a normal thing to do for someone who's just a friend."

Nox's hand came to rest on your knee, his palm open fully and his thumb gently stroking back and forth. "If I'm being honest, I think he could tell why I was looking at you, and I think that pissed him off."

When you met his gaze, a pit formed in your stomach. Nox was handsome, and charming, and clearly making a move on you. But... Something was wrong. It felt wrong. There was something about the way his hand felt on your knee that made your skin crawl, his voice made you cringe, and the entire setting was uncomfortable. It was hard to pinpoint exactly why, until you thought a little harder about it.

He wasn't Din.

"I... Think I should go," You said, standing from the couch and turning back to face him briefly. "Look, you seem nice. But I'm... I'm not interested."

He smirked up at you. "I knew it. You totally have a thing for each other."

Dom appeared in the doorway again, a huge grin on his face. "Who's ready to eat?"

-

After what felt like hours, you were finally able to step away from dinner to your quarters- Starsei showed you the way- closing the door behind you. You removed your gear, tossing it to the floor and sighing in relief at the loss of the heaviness. Removing the massager from your pocket, you walked to the bathroom and gave it a good wash, not trusting it after being in your pocket all day.

Once you returned to the room, you actually took in what it looked like. Star had told you that you and Din would have to share one room, which hadn't bothered you until you realized there was only one bed that sat in the center of the room, facing the door. It looked big enough for both of you, but still, you knew it would be an awkward conversation to have once he arrived.

The room was dimly lit- much like the rest of the ship- one wall light sitting above the door and casting a reddish glow over the entire room. The bed looked uncomfortable, with a thin, gray blanket sitting atop the mattress and two equally thin pillows where your heads would rest. It wasn't home, by any means, but it was a place to sleep.

With that, you laid down in the bed, shivering from anticipation. It had been a long time since you'd had enough privacy for something like this. Not bothering to remove your pants, you slowly lowered your hand past the waistband and sighed softly as the blue silicone material grazed your skin. With one press of the button, you felt yourself melting into the hard mattress, all of your worries fading away with the soft sound of buzzing.

Your breathing began to pick up in pace and you wriggled slightly as the sensation became more and more intense. It was getting hard to suppress the sounds you were making, so you bit down on your lip to try and stifle whatever noises threatened to come out. A shaky breath managed to worm its way out of you, hitching in your throat as it started to escape.

Thoughts of Din infiltrated your imagination, and you didn't try to suppress them as they came. You thought about the sound of his voice, talking you through the pleasure and egging you on. A wave of energy passed through you and went straight to your core, wetness beginning to pool. You thought about his hands pinning you down as he had his way with you, panting and sweating above you. It was almost too much, and it felt like the room was spinning.

Closing your eyes, you began to focus on finding release, waves of pleasure flooding your body with each passing second. Your breathing picked up in pace, and it was getting harder and harder to stop the tiny moans that escaped your throat. With a flick of your wrist, the massager hit the perfect spot, pulling a sharp gasp out of you. Just as it left your lips, a large, warm hand clamped over your mouth.

Terror filled your body and replaced all sense of satisfaction, forcing you to rip your hand out of its hiding place and your eyes to shoot open. Din hovered over you, one hand covering the lower half of your shocked face while the other pressed into the mattress beside your head. He was missing most of his armor, his helmet the only piece that remained. Adrenaline shot through your veins, and you struggled against his hold.

"Sshh," He shushed you, holding a single finger up to the part of his mask where his lips would be. "Everyone in this quadrant is gonna hear you if you don't keep it down."

Confusion replaced the shock, your eyebrows drawing together as you breathed heavily through your nose. He seemed to see the questions in your eyes, and you could swear you could hear the smirk in his voice when he spoke again.

"I could hear you from down the hall," He explained, "Thought maybe you were... With someone. But it looks like I was wrong."

You shot him a glare, thinking back to the evening you spent with Nox and how it must have implicated something different to Din.

"I don't have to help you, if you don't want me to," He reasoned, the hand covering your mouth beginning to lessen the pressure it was applying. "I just don't want you to get caught by the others. Just say the word, I'll walk away and we'll never speak of this again."

You wished you could see his face to make a better decision about what his intentions were, but with the helmet in the way, it made it impossible. You thought back to the feelings you were having just minutes ago, and felt excitement bubble up in your gut. Despite the surprise, you wanted this. Your expression softened under his gaze, and you felt your body relax under his touch.

"The way you're looking at me... Should I take that as a yes?" He asked, tilting his head to one side. "You want me here? You don't want me to go find your little friend, do you?"

You shook your head slowly and a soft, amused laugh filtered through his helmet, sending a shiver down your spine.

"You wanna give that thing to me?" He asked, gesturing with his head toward the massager. You lifted your hand and placed it in his, your body beginning to shake at the idea of what was about to happen. "That's my girl."

His words sent a shockwave down to your middle, causing a soft whine to escape from behind his hand. His girl. Remembering to keep you quiet, he pressed down on your mouth again, shaking his head.

"As much as I want to hear every little sound you're going to make," Din said, his voice sounding strained. "Can't have anyone else listening in, got that? You're mine tonight."

You nodded.

"Glad to see you can follow orders somewhere, at least," He joked, the laughter in his voice making you shiver.

With one hand he managed to remove your pants, lowering them to just below your knees, the cool air hitting you and making you shake. He took note of this and pressed the massage straight against your clit, keeping it there, but not turning it on. Frustration began to build as he teased you, running the material over the spot slowly and gently. Your brows drew together at this and you gave him another deadly look.

"Give me a break, I've been waiting for this for a long time," He said, sounding breathless as he looked you up and down. "You have more scars than I thought you would. Still, you're as perfect as I imagined."

With wide eyes you wiggled free from the hand that covered your mouth. "Are you saying you've thought about me like this?" You asked, your voice strained.

"Quiet," He commanded, shoving you back down into the mattress with his free hand. "I already told you, the others might be listening."

"Seriously?" You questioned, exasperated. "Did you think I wasn't gonna react to that?'

"I knew you would," He replied, gripping your jaw with his fingers. "I just wanted to distract you so I could do this."

You opened your mouth to respond, but were quickly silenced by his hand once more as he pressed the button on the massager, effectively turning it on. A hearty groan filled your throat as your head fell back, Din's hand keeping you in place. Your knees shook as he worked you over, circling the massager before pressing it against your clit again. Whines and moans were easily muffled by his hand.

Without thinking twice, you reached out and gripped his bicep, your fingertips digging into the soft flesh that hid beneath his shirt. He grunted at your touch, lowering his face closer to yours as you squirmed beneath him. "Eyes on me, yeah? Keep your eyes on me, Y/N."

With that, you reached up to touch the side of his helmet- a silent plea for him to remove it. You begged with your eyes, since you couldn't with your mouth, hoping he would give you what you wanted so you could look him in the eye. He hesitated, his movements slowing as you pressed your hand to his helmet. Sighing, he removed his hand from your mouth, instead placing it to your cheek. "I can't, you know that."

"Please," You blurted, all dignity vanishing from your body as you begged him to show his face. "You know me-"

The massager hit a rather sensitive spot, causing you to cry out and lurch upwards. Just as it began to leave your mouth, his hand was quick to silence you.

"You've gotta be more careful than that," He scolded, pressing it harder up against you. Your back arches off the bed, causing your chest to graze his. Sighing shakily, he kept the massager stationary, sending wave after wave of pleasure washing over you. You'd all but forgotten your desire to lock eyes with him, your climax on the horizon and taking up all priority in your brain.

"That's it," He encouraged, drawing out each word. "You're being so good for me."

Broken whimpers spilled past his hand, and he didn't stop them this time. Instead, he doubled down, maintaining the same position that was driving you closer and closer to the edge. It was within reach now, just a few seconds more and you'd be coming undone beneath him. Din could sense this somehow, his face mere inches from yours.

"I know, I know," He mewled, breathing hard behind his mask. "Be a good girl, now. Give me what I want."

His words were the tipping point, sending you flying over the edge. Your climax crashed through you, your head falling back against the mattress as several stifled moans filled the air. Din hummed as you finished, as if satisfied by his work. He never wavered, his helmet stationary, a sure sign that he watched your face the entire time. His hand abandoned your mouth and you gasped, gulping in air as you came down from your high. The buzzing ceased and your body fell limp, your muscles relaxing.

Din helped you redress yourself, taking his time and tracing his fingers over your exposed skin before it vanished beneath your clothes. "So that's where you went today," He laughed gently, turning the massager over in his hand. "I knew you weren't talking to locals. You've never been a good liar."

You groaned and rolled onto your side, facing away from him. Embarrassment flooded your body, the realization of what had just happened setting in. Despite the fact that he entered the room, saw you as you pleasured yourself, and still felt the desire to help you get off, you couldn't help feeling vulnerable.

"Y/N."

His voice sounded... Different. It wasn't metallic, it didn't sound muffled or altered in any way. It was organic, and soft, and hung in the air like gentle music to your ears. The realization hit you like a brick.

His helmet was off.

As you tried to turn back around, he was quick to stop you, moving you back onto your side as he laid beside you in the bed. His breath hit your neck, whispering past your ear like a soft breeze. The sensation made you flinch, drawing in a sharp breath as his arm wrapped around your middle from behind. He pulled you close, the center of your shoulders pressing into his warm chest.

"I hope you know I did that by choice," He mumbled, his lips grazing your skin. "I didn't embarrass you, did I?"

"No, no, it's not that," You said quickly, "I just... didn't think you'd ever want to do something like that. I thought it was against your creed. It took me off guard, I guess."

"It is," Din sighed, "But if I'm breaking the rules for anyone, it should be you."

"Are you still mad at me?" You asked, a hint of playfulness in your voice.

The quiet laugh that left his lips was enough to make anyone crumble at his feet. "I was never mad at you. I could tell you were getting... Frustrated, to put it mildly. I didn't blame you for being attracted to someone else. It was him I was mad at."

"You barely knew him," You replied.

"I know," Din agreed, leaning in close enough to kiss your jaw. "But he was looking at my girl."

[snowysosturn]

Speeding Car - Matt Sturniolo Part 8

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29

Pairing : y/n x Matt Sturniolo

Summary : After six years with your boyfriend Alex, you start to mentally check out. At a UCLA party, Alex reconnects with his childhood friend Emily, who proposes a double date with her boyfriend Matt. Your attraction to Matt grows as he pays you the first real attention you've had in years, sparking a complicated emotional journey.

Warnings : MDNI, mentions of physical fight, swearing, hospital, stitches, injuries to ribs and wrist, mentions of thoughts of cheating (i don’t condone), guilt, angst, characters under the influence of alcohol.

The tension between Matt and I hung in the air, a lingering echo of what had almost happened, but it was quickly replaced by a sinking feeling as I unlocked my phone. My phone had one notification - a text from Jess.

“Hey, are you okay? Alex got into a fight..Call me when you can!”

My stomach twisted, and I felt my heart drop. Why am I only hearing this from Jess? Why has no one else tried to contact me? Alex wasn’t the rowdy type, so for him to get into a fight at a nightclub, I knew it was bad.

Matt was already reading his own texts, his brows furrowed as he processed the information. “Shit.” He muttered, glancing at me with concern. “Alex got into a fight with one of his teammates. They’re saying he’s hurt.”

Panic set in, “His teammate?” I thought as I tried to piece together what could have happened. I rang Alex’s number, but it went straight to voicemail. My heart pounded in my chest, every worst case scenario flashing through my mind.

“We need to go,” I said, my voice trembling as I stood up. “We have to find him.”

Matt nodded, already grabbing his keys. “Emily said they’re at the hospital. Come on, I’ll drive.”

The drive to the hospital was a blur, my mind too consumed with worry to register much of what was happening around me. Matt stayed focused on the road, his grip on the steering wheel tight. I could tell he was worried too, even though he was doing his best to stay calm for my sake.

When we finally pulled up to the hospital, I spotted Emily standing outside, her phone pressed to her ear. She was pacing, looking more annoyed than worried, and the sight made my stomach turn. I knew Emily wasn’t perfect, but seeing her so detached at a moment like this made me question everything.

The closer we got to Emily, I realised she was just as drunk as she was at the party and it wasn’t the time for another one of her outbursts.

“Matt what took you so long, I’ve been here for ageeeeeesss.” Emily said, crossing her arms while stumbling her balance to one side. “They won’t let me see Alex yet. They’re still checking him out or whatever.”

Matt’s expression tightened, but he kept his voice steady. “Let’s just go inside and wait. I’m sure they’ll give us an update soon.”

We walked into the hospital together, the smell of sanitizer hitting us immediately. The stark white lights made everything feel even more surreal. The waiting area was half empty, a few people scattered around, their faces etched with worry. We found a quiet corner to sit, the tension between us palpable.

“Do you know what happened Emily?” I asked.

“I have no idea, one minute we were all dancing, the next thing punches were been thrown.” Emily replied, visibly upset.

As we waited, Emily kept glancing between me and Matt, her suspicion growing with every second. “ Wait, did you two come here together?”

“Yeah,” Matt said quickly, his voice steady as he lied. “I picked her up on the way here, figured it would be easier since Y/n needs to be here too.”

I glanced at Matt, grateful for the quick cover, but I couldn’t help feel the tug on my heart. I wasn’t too sure if she believed what Matt said, but before she could press further, a nurse approached us.

“Are you both here for Alex too?” she asked, her eyes on Matt and I.

“Yes,” I said, standing up quickly. “Is he okay?”

“He’s stable.” the nurse said, and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “The doctors are finishing up with him now, but he should be able to go home tonight.”

I nodded, relief washing over me. “Thank you. Can we see him?”

“Just one of you for now.” The nurse said, glancing between us. “You can all go in once he’s moved to a recovery room.”

“I’ll go! I’ve known him the longest.” Emily said quickly, as she jogged down the hallway bare foot, her high heels sat on the chair next to us.

Matt and I exchanged a look, but I couldn’t bring myself to argue. This was Alex, my boyfriend - the person I was supposed to care about more than anyone. So why am I not the one walking down that hall right now.

We sat back down, the silence between us heavy with unspoken thoughts. I couldn’t shake the image of Alex, hurt and in pain, and yet my mind kept drifting back to the situation with Matt earlier, and the way we’d almost… I shook my head, trying to focus on the present.

“Are you okay?” Matt asked, his voice soft as he reached out to place a comforting hand on my arm.

I nodded, “Yeah, I’m just worried. I can’t believe this happened.”

“Alex is tough. He’ll be fine,” Matt said, but there was something in his tone that made me wonder if he was trying to convince himself as much as me.

We lapsed into silence again, waiting for the nurse to return. My phone buzzed in my pocket, but I didn’t have the energy to check it. Instead, I leaned back in the uncomfortable ER chair, my thoughts spinning in a million different directions.

What had happened to Alex to make him snap like that? And why did I feel so guilty sitting here with Matt, even though I knew we hadn’t done anything wrong?

Shortly after she ran down the hall, Emily came back, looking more irritated than concerned. “Alex said he wants you in the room with him instead.” she said with a sigh. “Well I would like to think my own boyfriend would prefer me to be with him.” I thought to myself.

I nodded, standing up again. “Okay, I’ll go see him.”

As I went to walk down the hallway Emily had come from, the nurse reappeared, motioning for us to follow her.

"He's ready to be discharged, you can all come in." She said with a gentle smile.

Emily, Matt, and I exchanged a brief glance before we trailed after the nurse down the quiet hallway. When we reached Alex's room, I felt a strange mix of emotions - relief that he was okay, but also a deep unease right in the pit of my stomach that I couldn’t quite shake.

Alex was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, his wrist wrapped in a sling and bandage covering the cut on his forehead. His face lit up when he saw us, a crooked, drunken smile spreading across his lips. Despite everything, he looked like a little kid who had just been given out to but was happy to see all of us.

“Thereeee she issss.” He slurred, his voice thick from the painkillers and the alcohol still infused in his system. He tried to stand but swayed slightly, prompting the nurse to steady him. “My dream girl, I’m so glad you’re here.” Alex said as his gaze landed on me. He reached out and pulled me into a hug, his arm wrapping around my shoulders.

“Of course, Alex,” I said softly, stepping back slightly as he released me to sit back on the edge of the bed. “We’re just glad you’re okay.”

I knelt down beside him, my heart breaking at the sight of him so vulnerable. “What happened?”

He leaned in closer, his breath warm against my ear as he murmured, “Got into it with one of the guys. So stupid, it shouldn’t have happened.” He pulled back slightly, his eyes glassy as he tried to focus on me. “You’re the best, you know that? The best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

He leaned in to kiss me, his lips finding my forehead. I couldn’t help but notice how Matt’s expression darkened out of the corner of my eye. I glanced at him, catching the tension in his jaw, the way his hands curled into fists at his sides.

After letting us have our moment, the nurse gave us a rundown of Alex’s injuries - a Grade 2 wrist sprain, a few bruises ribs and a small cut on his forehead that required stitches. Recovery time is 4 weeks. They’d given him something for the pain, which explained his current state, and informed us after a bit more paperwork, we were free to leave.

Matt kept focus on us despite Emily yapping in his ear. “4 weeks recovery time? Thank god you’ll be good as new just in time for Barcelona!” Emily exclaimed in relief.

Matts eyes were dark with an emotion I couldn’t quite place. He seemed to snap out of it when Alex turned to him, clapping a hand on his shoulder.

You’re a good dude, Matt,” Alex said with a grin. “Thanks for getting her here. Couldn’t have done it without you.”

Matt nodded, his face plastered with a neutral look, though I could sense the tension beneath it. “No problem, man. Just glad you’re okay.”

The nurse handed Alex his discharge papers, and now that everything was finalized, we could leave. Matt stepped forward to help me get Alex to his feet, his arm gently sliding around my boyfriend’s back to support him making sure he wasn’t putting pressure on Alex’s ribs in the process. As they stood, Alex winced, so I moved closer, ready to catch him if he fell.

“Thanks, Matt,” Alex mumbled, his head lolling back against Matt’s shoulder. He turned his blurred gaze to me, a dopey smile spreading across his face. “I’m so glad we’re all here. Together.” He reached out, his hand brushing against my cheek before he pulled me in and leaned in to kiss my forehead again. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

The kiss, meant to be tender and affectionate, felt like a sack of rocks sitting in my stomach. I’m standing in a hospital room, holding my boyfriend up, with someone who I had thoughts of kissing tonight. The whole scene felt surreal, like we were all playing parts in some fucked up drama that none of us had signed up for.

Emily took Matt’s keys off his waistband and walked ahead of us all, ready to unlock his car and open all the doors for us. Emily took the passenger seat as I sat in the back with Alex. As we drove back to our apartment, Alex’s head laid back against the seat, his eyes half-closed. Emily was asleep with her head resting against the car window. I sat in silence, my thoughts racing, trying to make sense of everything that had happened tonight. God if Alex had have just come home everything would be different. Everything would be fine.

When we finally pulled up to our building, Matt helped me get Alex inside while Emily trailed behind, groggy from her 20 minute nap. As soon as we got him to our bed, Alex was out cold, his breathing deep and even. Emily sighed, brushing a hand through her hair, clearly exhausted.

“We should get going,” she said, glancing at Matt. “I hope you’re okay Y/n. I’ll check on him in the morning.”

Matt nodded, his eyes meeting mine briefly before he looked away. “Yeah we should get going. You should get some rest Y/n.”

Emily gave me a quick hug, her perfume lingering in the air as she pulled away. “Take care of him, okay?” she said, her voice softer than before.

“Yeah,” I murmured, my voice barely above a whisper. “Don’t worry, I will.”

As Emily left to walk back to the car, Matt lingered in the doorway, his eyes scanning the room before settling on me. “If you need anything… you know where to find me.”

“Thanks, Matt,” I said, offering him a small, tired smile. “I appreciate it. For everything.”

He nodded, hesitating for a moment as if he wanted to say more, but then he turned and walked out, leaving me alone with my thoughts and a sleeping Alex. I looked down at him, his face peaceful in sleep. I had almost crossed a line tonight. But for now, all I could do was focus on the present. I pulled the duvet over Alex and lay down next to him. I checked my phone, remembering I felt a notification while I was sitting in the hospital. It was from Jess again, but the message had been deleted.

a/n : this isn’t proof read properly, it’s 8am and i’ve been working on this since 5am with 3 hours sleep <3 jet lag is reallllll i’ll fix anything that needs to be fixed later

taglist : @muwapsturniolo @anitahunt @sturnfannn @jayde510 @chrissfavhoe @babyalliah-777 @v33angel @urmom69lol @willowrites @ribread03 @2muchofaslvt @sturnsaver @sleepysturniolo @jcsturniolo11 @jessie-essie @hoeforchrizz @mynbbys @sturniolopanini @mattsturnxoxo @delicatechrry @t77te @sturnsyaper69 @hotdismylife @maggot3647 @ivysturnss @noplaceissafeanymore @mattssgf

*can you pls lmk if you actually got tagged in this, this shit isnt tagging most ppl idk why

[palesweetscherryblossom]

Prince Hawks info dumping

Warning: Possessive and abusive behaviors. Hawks threatens to murder your dad, blackmail. -Hawks was everything one could want in a betrothed. Strong, handsome and utterly loving -You and Hawks had met during a ball and it was love at first sight for him -Being the confident and Casanova figure he was, Hawks made quick work of making his move on your heart. -He waltzed with you, showed you how he worked with the raptors since he was a falconer. But you weren’t that placated. -Instead you bid him goodnight and walked away to your family. -But Hawks doesn’t give up easily -So, he tried everything to court you. Gifts, glamorous dates and everything your heart could want -But for some reason, it didn’t placate you. You looked at everything he gave you with an awkward grin or even exasperation -Of course Hawks didn’t understand why his pretty canary wasn’t satisfied with everything he did. -He took notes about all the things you adored and admired! He didn’t employ informants to spy on you just so you could reject his efforts! -His heart shattered into a million pieces when you gently rejected him, stating that you didn’t have any attraction to him. -“I-I’m quite sorry Lord Keigo but I’m just not interested in that sort of thing right now.” -Keigo never liked playing dirty but you just had to force his hand! -Your family was in debt to Keigo’s kingdom, your father was a poor lord who was at a loss. -He often dreaded seeing Keigo’s men come to his crumbling estate and bug him about the debts he owed. -But Keigo came to him with a solution, a stupidly simple solution. “I could give you way more than this and all your debts will be forgiven if you give me Y/N’s hand in marriage. If not I’d hate to get my hands dirty. It’d be a shame if Y/N didn’t have her father to walk her down the isle” -Everyone heard your heartbroken cries as Hawks’ men dragged you away from your room. -Your father stood by weakly as Keigo shoved a wedding invitation into his pocket as he went to go join his fiancé. -The joyful wedding planning and happy gossip of the castle and Keigo’s kingdom made you sick -He kept you locked up in a beautiful tower, catered to your tastes. All gifts reminiscent of your hobbies reminded untouched. -The only time he let you out was for wedding planning and for dinner. -You hated how he held you, kissed you tenderly and nuzzled your neck. You hated how Hawks acted like you were nothing more than a bratty child. -You let out a cry of anguish that was mistaken for joy when you saw servants prepping a nursery one night. -One night, a bird black as night had accidentally ended up in your tower. -It appeared dazed and confused and you couldn’t help but offer your gentleness and care to it. -You stroked its downy feathers from the rain, fed it some of the fruits that Hawks had generously sent up. Then the next day, it was gone.

-It wasn’t till the night before your wedding that you finally saw the bird again. Except downy feathers and gentle eyes were replaced with deep black hair, gnarly burns and enchanting blue eyes

“So you’re that pompous prince’s canary in a cage, eh?”

@gh0stgirl333

[sweet-evie]

What Those Eyes See

A/N: Just brainrot birthed from this post about Gojo's Six Eyes. I'm going back to writing Satsuki's 1st birthday now.

✨ masterlist ✨

A Saturday afternoon spent wandering through Shibuya wasn’t usually on her top list of things to do on the weekend, but when Satoru fervently asked (more like pleaded) for her company on a specific excursion of his, she couldn’t really say ‘no’.

Or more like… It was hard to tell him, ‘No.’

The distant rumble of accelerating engines, the shuffling of countless footsteps on pavement, and the distinct cacophony of the crowded town had not left her ears ever since she and Satoru had left the subway station. This town with its beeps and whistles and chatter held her attention, so much so that she barely heard Satoru’s voice above the symphony of hectic city life.

“More than a handful of pregnant women are out today.” Satoru spoke nonchalantly, walking beside her with one hand in his jeans’ pocket, while the other hand was busy twirling a blue sucker in his mouth.

Part of her didn’t even believe that she heard him right. Why did he say it like he was just talking about the weather?

“What?”

He peered at her over the rims of his sunnies, blue eyes that mirrored clear skies sparkling under the light of the afternoon sun.

“Mhmm… You heard me. Don't know if I told you this, Sweetheart, but I can see a lot of things.” The grin stretched across his lips was nothing short of attractive and shit-eating. “And to think, you mistook me for a blind man when we met.”

She narrowly side-stepped a couple hurrying down the sidewalk, bags swinging from both of their arms.

“Yeah, you're the extreme opposite of blind.” She shook her head and smirked at him. “You’re telling me you have an ultrasound with those eyes?”

Satoru pursed his lips and made a show of humming out loud thoughtfully.

"That's different.” He popped the sucker out of his mouth. “Ultrasounds use high-frequency sound waves to show you pictures of the fetus, right?” At her shrug and refusal to meet his eyes, he continued explaining as they headed for their destination. “With the Six Eyes however, I see more than just the person’s physical body. There's cursed energy, and then there's the formation of the human soul. The unborn child’s soul resides right next to the mother's. Kind’a hard to miss two of those stuck together and sharing one body." 

The longer he talked, the more her questions multiplied.

The Six Eyes and what it could see had always been a point of intrigue for her. Over the years, Satoru never bothered telling her the intricate details or the true scope of what he could see out of his own volition. If she was curious about aspects of his power, she would always ask and he would give her a direct answer. She had never asked him to explain all of it to her in great detail, and that was because part of her suspected that even if he would indulge that request, she wouldn’t be capable of comprehending it anyway — certainly not in a way Satoru himself understood it.

Besides… where would one even begin?

So the additional piece of information he’d offered out of the blue would have been odd under normal circumstances if she hadn’t been keen on withholding important news of her own for the past few weeks.

“As a matter of fact,” Satoru mused as they paused at another crosswalk, “There are eight pregnant women in this area right  now. Not sure if they know though. It seems like it's pretty early.”

In the end, concealing it had been useless from the beginning.

“Satoru…”

“Hm?”

“You already know huh?”

“Nine pregnant women, if we include you.” The answering grin he flashed her way was an answer all on its own. “I knew from the first week.”

Of course he knew… Of course he found out.

She was pleasantly surprised to find out that there was no trace of panic nor apprehension in her, only resignation. Despite how meticulously she’d disposed of her positive pregnancy test and how carefully she’d planned her first doctor’s appointment after her discovery, the truth etched into her own soul revealed itself anyways.

Of course Satoru and his Six Eyes knew about the existence of their unborn child before she did.

“Why didn't you say anything? You knew before I did. I discovered it in the fifth week.”

“And even after you found out, you obviously didn't want me to know right away. I didn’t want to pressure you or anything.” Or possibly freak her out with the knowledge that he knew before she could even guess about her child’s existence.

“So what changed your mind now?”

“It’s been 17 weeks. I can’t wait anymore. I also just wanted to start shopping for stuff for the nursery with you.”

“Satoru, you're not bothered?”

“Baby, we've been dating for four years. Why would I be bothered?”

It was a stupid question. If she wasn’t so preoccupied with her own discomfort, her nausea, and her silent struggle to keep all the hardships to herself during the first trimester, perhaps she would have noticed all the little things Satoru did every day to help ease her discomfort. In hindsight, she should have noticed the addition of health supplements in the kitchen, the well-stocked fridge and pantry, and Satoru’s insistence on hiring someone who could do household chores for them.

And in hindsight, she shouldn’t have hesitated in telling him.

She should have trusted him more.

“It’s something we never talked about before. You’re… You’re not disappointed?”

“Disappointed in who?” The look on his face was a cross between being offended and a little sad. “You? Just what kind of guy do you think I am?”

“No! No, I didn’t mean it like that… I just— I’ve already decided on keeping the baby, but I don’t know if you—”

He sighed, a hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. “You’re right. It’s something we haven’t talked about, and we should talk more about this later… Lay down our plans and stuff for the coming months. But for now, I just want you to know that I’m happy about starting a family with you.”

“You really mean that?” Maybe it was the sentiment or perhaps it was the pregnancy hormones acting up, but the unshed tears that gathered at the edges of her eyelids revealed the relief and the gratitude welling up within her.

“I wouldn’t have asked you out today to shop for baby things with me if it were otherwise.” Satoru’s lopsided smile was assurance at its finest.

“Excuse you, you never mentioned what we were supposed to be doing here today.”

“Right… Well, that’s on me.” He grinned and slipped an arm around her shoulder to pull her closer to his side, “But also, you didn’t think I knew up ‘til now.”

“Satoru, I can’t with you.”

At the very least, it was nice to know her anxieties over the whole thing amounted to nothing after all.

[rey-jake-therapist]

I didnt realize Payne clarified that Sauron wanted Galadriel to be *his* queen. I've seen some antis insist that he wasn't attracted to her in the least so he meant to say 'I can make you A queen, but not MY queen'.

And they were also going on how there's a hierarchy in the film industry, in which certain positions hold more narrative and directional authority despite what actors and lower level exec's say. That's why they kept using this hierarchy that Payne and McKay override Charlotte's words about haladriel. But if we go by the Anti's information, then that confirms that Sauron did want Galadriel as HIS QUEEN (love or not), since its stated exactly that way by Payne himself. If not, then why didn't he say 'A queen with me', or 'A queen by my side', instead? There are other ways he could've phrased. Even if you say that he used 'basically', that still doesn't change the fact that Payne made it clear that Sauron wanted Galadriel to rule WITH him, not by some corner of ME (I know we're kind of ignoring Gal atm to dissect the wording but I see them as fictional characters not real people lol). It also kind of overrides some of Charlie's earlier remarks where he denies or subverts Sauron's intention regarding making her queen. But it echoes back to what you said though, that things change over time.

And just to make it clear, we don't need to necessarily obey what showrunners/actors have said and treat it like it's a hard rule for how we interpret these characters. This is just an interesting piece of info I think should be pointed out. Especially since haters will find anything to try to minimize and invalidate haladriel. I feel very sad (for them lol).

Well, I'll answer that by saying that first, I don't think that I can do that ignoring Gal's response, simply because what she answered is important to understand why Sauron didn't say "my" queen, imho.

I think we can't leave Galadriel outside of the loop here, because the phrasing used by Sauron is directly connected to the way she herself used. She said, "you would make me A tyrant", to which he naturally answers, "I would make you A queen". Then she's the one using the "MY" : "And you. MY king".

What I think, it's that the writers wanted to highlight the fact that them being together as king and queen/husband and wife was her idea as much as his. I think it's important for the interpretation of that scene, for the audience to realize that Galadriel wanted this.

Let's say Sauron had said, "I would make you MY queen", and she had answered, "And you would be the king" : it would have sounded like something that was forced on her : she would have been his wife in this scenario, wether she wanted it or not. It would have given "forced marriage" vibes, and would have deprived Galadriel of her agency. And believe me : if the antis are now using this scene against shippers because Sauron didn't say "my queen", you can be sure that they would have weaponized this scene even more if they could have interpreted it that way.

With Galadriel being the one who says, "And you. My king", it says that she was seeing herself ruling with him, as queen and king and as husband and wife. Notice that he didn't correct her, as it was probably what he wanted to hear.

It also kind of overrides some of Charlie's earlier remarks where he denies or subverts Sauron's intention regarding making her queen.

I mean, I don't know if it overrides it. Charlie first denied that it was a marriage proposal, but later admitted that this was "de facto" exactly that.

"Sauron, meanwhile, won’t make the mistake of connecting with someone ever again, not after Galadriel’s rejection of his de facto “marriage proposal,” as Vickers describes it, at the end of Season 1. “He’s moved on to bigger and better things” since, Vickers argues, but try as they might, there’s no denying their entwined fates.  "Galadriel and Sauron share the deepest connection to another being either of them has ever experienced, a fact that haunts them both in the new episodes. What they share “is greater than romance,” Vickers explains. “Their connection runs far deeper than anything surface level.”

Source

Now if you refer to the fact that Charlie claimed several times that if Galadriel had accepted his offer, she would have been nothing more than his secretary, another shiny ring at his hand, I also don't think that it contradicts the idea that he wanted her to be at his side as a queen. I often read that Charlie's wrong, because Sauron is a Maiar who was created to follow and serve. So by this logic, he wanted to worship Galadriel like he worshipped Morgoth.

I think it's true, for most of it, and we saw it during all season 1 : who called all the shots ? Galadriel did. Who followed her despite his initial refusal ? Sauron. She wanted him to be a king ? He made himself a king. She wanted him to go rescue the Southlands with her ? He went with her, even if first, he didn't want to ! The fact that it was in his personal interest to do that is besides the point : at no moment did he try to force her into doing anything. It's not in his nature, and being in his repetant era then, Sauron was more inclined to listen to his nature than we saw him be in season 2. In season 1, Sauron was the happiest we saw of him so far, especially when he was at the forge, doing what he was created for, but also when he followed Galadriel on the battlefield :

I mean, words have their importance especially when it comes to Sauron, who never chooses his words randomly :

She "pushed" him. He described here exactly what a leader does. After Morgoth's defeat, he found himself leaderless, and he was lost because due to his nature, what he really wants/needs is someone who takes the lead. In Galadriel, he recognized someone who had the potential to do just that. In season 2, we saw him in a position of leadership, manipulating everybody like a puppet to make them do everything he wanted, yada yada. And yet, that was his face for 99% of the season :

He seemed as alive as a dead fish.

Now, where my opinion often diverges from what seems to be this most popular opinion, is that I believe Charlie's nevertheless right regarding the turn their partnership as king and queen would have taken, had Galadriel accepted. Thousands of years ago, Mairon was corrupted by Morgoth, and as time passed, I think he developed a desire to overrule Morgoth, because that's what this kind of corruption does : it gives an hunger for power, even to beings who are not originally meant to want it. As Sauron, he was given an incommensurable power over others, and he enjoyed it. He always followed Morgoth and never betrayed him (probably because he had sworn a blood oath to him, preventing him to take any action against him), but he grew extremely frustrated of his methods, as he had a different vision.

And of course he did, because destroying was, again, not what he was created for. What Morgoth did, and asked him to do, went against his nature. As apprentice of Aulë, he became skilled at crafting and making things. When Celebrimbor told him his only craft was treachery, it must have hit HARD, because it wasn't always the case.

(Aside note : I was a bit annoyed that Celebrimbor was the one who got to hit Sauron where it hurt the most, while Galadriel only got a pathetic "heal yourself" that couldn't mean anything to him because they never had any conversation about his corruption by Melkor).

He started dreaming of the idea that if Morgoth was ever to disappear, he would take his place and rule in his stead, and that's exactly what he tried to do once Morgoth was defeated :

As we saw, it didn't turn out very well. Why ? I think, because Sauron wasn't Morgoth, he wasn't a born dictator, and he didn't manage to inspire enough fear of him to Adar and the Orcs, only resentment, so when he tried to put Morgoth's crown on his head, they betrayed him.

(idk but maybe looking like a twink didn't help. Just sayin')

But it doesn't mean that Sauron gave up on his dream of ruling, though. So I think that when he decided that he wanted Galadriel to be his queen, he was probably torn between what his nature dictated him to do (giving her all the power she needed to have to be THE queen of Middle-Earth, while he would get the follower's role he had beside Morgoth back), and the ambitions he nourished of ruling Middle-Earth himself, leaving only crumbs to Galadriel like Morgoth did to him. Even in this scenario, he would have shared his power with her, but not enough to take the reigns of the kingdom.

We can't know what would have happened, we can only speculate, but I tend to side with Charlie on this one because at the beginning, there's a clear power imbalance between them : Sauron is a powerful Maiar, a demigod, and Galadriel is just an Elf. For her to become as powerful as him and be his equal, would have required him to willingly share the entirety of his power with her. Would have he done that, while he had all these ideas about healing Middle-Earth and believed he and only he knew exactly how to do it... ?

I mean, the only thing we can be sure of, it is that it was his intention to give her plenty of power. He wanted everybody not to just respect her, but to worship her like a goddess. It's the extent of this power that we don't know about. And did he want to be worshipped too ? I'd say, probably yes, personally.

Sorry anon, I didn't start answering this ask planning to write a dissertation... I guess I can't help myself, when it comes to Sauron. He's just that interesting !

[oph3liatlou]

— TWO YEARS

pairing(s); laredo!javier pena x bestfriend!female reader

warnings; suggestive content, kissing, smoking, light swearing, pet names in spanish.

word count; 1,372

proofread?; yess.

note from author; THE SPANISH I CAN FINALLY USE!!!

summary; childhood friends reunited after javier's posting in columbia.

The days were long. He’d been working his ass off at his old man’s ranch for the past two days, to get his mind off the DEA and his suspension. He had been exchanging information with Los Pepes, in an attempt to get a lead on Escobar, shame, he got found out.

He ran a hand through his sweat-slicked, chestnut hair, his dark eyes flickering up at the blazing, Laredo sun. He thumbed at the corner of his moustache, before his hand dropped to his side, a marlboro hung from his lips.

“Fuck.”

You rolled your eyes as you wiped the sweat away from your forehead, trying to keep from showing just how hot you really were. You kept staring up at the sun, the sun in Texas could be brutal, especially at this time of the year. You took a drag from your cigarette, letting out a long sigh as you looked at the ground. "Damn, this is hot." You muttered to yourself.

Javi couldn’t help but notice, your pretty pout, pouting as you pulled on your cigarette. He flicked his cigarette away, and wandered over towards you. His broad shoulders and strong, muscular arms made him appear even more formidable than most.

“Yeah it is.” Javi muttered, glancing down at the red dirt, and then back up to you, his dark eyebrows shifting, and his mouth curling into a wry smirk.

You watched him as he walked over to you, a faint smell of sweat and tobacco reaching her nostrils as she took in his appearance. He'd changed since the two of you had last seen each other, your best friend who you'd grown up with had grown into a very attractive man. Even with the scowl of his lips and the seriousness of his expression, you thought him to be very handsome. "Two years", You muttered quietly, "a lot changes in two years."

“Yep.” Javi concurred, softly. His eyes ran over her body, as you stood there, the smoke drifting upwards. “I see you’ve grown up.” He smirked, reaching over and tucking a piece of hair out of your face. His face suddenly, changed, and he looked at you, with a mixture of longing, desire, and something else. He had missed you.

You felt your heart beat a little faster when he smirked at you, when he tucked the piece of hair out of your face and looked at you with an almost hungry gaze, you could feel your insides tingle. You didn't hate him, not in the slightest, but you also didn't know if it was a good idea to give in to your own desires. You were still hurt over the way he'd left two years ago, and you didn't want to get sucked in again only to have him break your heart...like he did when you both were kids.

He wanted to feel you, taste her, but damn, he was on some suspension bullshit, and his past still haunted him. Why now? Was it bad timing, or? Could he afford to let you in once more? He looked away from you, his back to the glaring sun as he inhaled his cigarette.

“Got a lot to tell you, and- to apologize for. It’s been two years- but…” He trailed off, exhaling smoke, before the question escaped him. “Why’re you still here?”

You sighed as you took another drag from your own cigarette, the heat of the sun beating down on you made your skin shine with sweat. You thought about his question, it was a fair question, why were you still here? Two years ago, you would've packed up and went with him in a heartbeat but now things were different, you had changed and grown up without him.

"I could ask you the same thing", You said softly, looking away from him. Your eyes darted to your cigarette, you smoked it down to the butt before finally extinguishing it.

He’d expected a lot of things, but not that. He’d expected to see you, sure. Maybe even to have a shot at redemption, hell you've known each other all your lives, and you was beautiful. You'd grown up alright, it was almost as if he was looking at a completely different woman.

“I…” He began, taking a drag of the cigarette, and sighing softly, before exhaling. “I’m just trying to get away from everything.”

You took in his answer, it was a good answer, and it also made you curious. As his best friend, you thought you knew everything about him, but the truth was, you didn't. You hadn't seen him in two years, and you didn't know the half of what he was going through now. You let your gaze roam over his features as you mulled over her next question.

"From everything?" You asked softly, taking a small step closer to him, a look of curiosity flitting across your face.

“Mhmm.” He nodded, taking in another drag, he looked to you with an unreadable expression. His dark eyes, roaming over your face, but his lips pursed, as if he was debating on whether he should reveal what was bothering him. He wasn’t the type to share his feelings.

“The world’s kinda been shitty for the past couple months- so, figured coming home was better than facing- well, everything.”

Your eyes narrowed as you took in his answer, that was a bit of a non-answer. There was more going through his head, you could see that on his face, but then again, that's the way he always was. He wasn't one to go all emotional, even though he was definitely feeling emotions right now, the way he kept looking at you told you that.

"And there isn't something else that has you on edge?" You asked softly, moving a little bit closer to him.

“What do you mean?” He asked, genuinely not knowing where you was going with this line of questioning. Were you trying to get something out of him? If so, he wasn’t about to give it up willingly. You were the one he’d been avoiding, after all.

“I mean, there’s- well the suspension, which has me pretty riled up, but besides that, there’s nothing..." He paused. "But besides that, there's nothing."

You shrugged. "I mean coming back here…seeing me after-" You inhaled deeply but didn't finish your sentence. He knew what you were talking about. Your breakup before he left.

“Yeah.” He groaned, letting out a sigh as he rubbed his brow. That had been what you'd been alluding to, and damn this was awkward. His eyes met yours, and he looked away quickly.

Javier couldn’t help it. It was stupid. But he had a chance with you, he could see it now, even if he did keep telling himself he didn’t deserve you. He exhaled smoke, his mouth curling into a sardonic smirk.

"I would've come with you," You paused. "To Columbia- if you had asked." But he hadn't, even though you had been together for 3 years.

“Yeah well…” He sighed, looking down, his hands in his pockets, as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. “I was- I am a dumbass. I just thought-“ He huffed, and rolled his eyes. “I don’t even know, honestly. But look, cariño, I’m sorry alright- I was a complete idiot.”

Him speaking Spanish always melted you on the inside. Your legs felt like Jell-O when he stepped closer to you. Dear. You sighed, your voice was softer now. "You still are, Javi." You partially teased.

He smirked, “Yeah? How so?” He asked, his voice as smooth as smooth as velvet.

He took another drag from his cigarette, his eyes trailing over your body, lingering on the curves of your hips- his mouth curling into a small smirk, “Cariño~.”

You smirked. "Well, let's see…" You let your voice trail in suspense. "You still haven't kissed me yet." You crinkled my nose. "I'd say you're slacking."

With that, it was all over. He couldn’t help himself- he reached forward, his hand holding your chin, and he kissed you deeply and passionately, his lips soft and pliant against yours.

It was what you wanted. It was what you needed.

You both needed it.

To reunite.

[girl4music]

Now this is a very interesting piece of commentary from Lucy and Renee. Even though they knew their characters were in love with each other, through the whole show - until these last episodes - they did not ever play their characters as romantically attracted to one another but just always kept it about the unconditional love in their friendship - which I appreciated, of course. But Lucy says here that suddenly their characters in the script are written as explicitly out of the closet. Which they are. But then Renee says that she was still playing her character as straight because she just wanted to focus on the pain Xena was in rather than focus on any jealous feeling she had towards Akemi. So Renee wasn't playing Gabrielle in those moments as if she was jealous because she thought Gabrielle wouldn't put that over her love for Xena. Which we knew she wouldn’t anyway because all that’s happened in the past. There’d be no reason to be jealous now.

But then why the bloody hell was her reaction in 'The Debt'/'Forget Me Not' one so full of pettiness and vinctinctivness? Is she saying that Gabrielle learned from that experience so much that no matter what information was revealed about the past female lovers in Xena's life, she wouldn't make it about jealousy anymore because she knew what it would lead to would be something that she'd never ever want? It's just such an interesting conversation about their characters and the nature of their relationship going on here in regards to who Akemi was to Xena and that Gabrielle never made it about jealousy so Renee never played it as if Gabrielle was jealous but instead sharing Xena's pain at the loss of someone who she finds out was more than just a friend.

It's just so funny to me that as the episodes go on, Lucy and Renee become a little more aware that there's more that's going on there but everybody else - clearly the writers and directors - already play it like that because, yes, Season 6 especially is written as maintext but it's not necessarily portrayed as maintext. Well, now it makes sense why it isn’t. It's because Lucy and Renee chose not to play it like that. They just let their natural chemistry do its thing and translate to the screen as romance instead. I've always personally interpreted that in their portrayal of the characters but I NEVER knew that it was intentional. That's really interesting to me because regardless what you see on the screen here, if you read the script for that specific episode - it’s intentionally written as romantic. It's written as a queer love story.

That's honestly thrown me for a loop that Lucy and Renee did that because I never knew that at all. In all my years of being a fan I never knew that Lucy and Renee intentionally played straight characters even when the script was written as queer or "gay" as Lucy puts it. I knew that they didn't want to make a joke out of the relationship so never went too far with the lesbian subtext. I knew that they refused to water it down as some pandering kind of thing. But I never knew at all that even when they were aware that their characters were queer or "gay" that they played them as straight instead.

I'm not too sure how I feel about learning this new information. 🫤 I mean why would they ever need to play their characters as straight when they’re written as not? Especially in these last two episodes. And under the guise of a water transfer or not - these character kiss romantically. How can that be played as straight? I feel like I’m really misinterpreting this. What they’re saying here. What exactly do they mean?

Weigh in anyone - please. This will drive me insane.

[bluecloudious]

This is a essay/character analysis of Pyramid Head and I would like to preface it with four disclaimers:

First, as I will use every valid piece of knowledge that's available of Pyramid Head, I will spoil all of Silent Hill 2, even the Director's Cut of it. It's inevitable, considering how important he is in the game, so be warned beforehand. Play Silent Hill 2 if you haven't, or watch someone else play it. (just keep in mind there are multiple endings.)

Second, I will only use Silent Hill 2 and the tweets of Pyramid Head's creator, Masahiro Ito, as evidence. He knew exactly what the character was supposed to be and Silent Hill 2 is the only appearance of Pyramid Head that he worked on. Thus, it doesn't get more accurate than that to me.

Third, I am not claiming this is gospel. This is mainly a character study done for fun to show off how canon Pyramid Head may act when portrayed in fanfiction or other fan content. It's researched and gathered information that may be used to learn more about the character as well, yes, but I am not claiming this to be the end-all-be-all of his personality. He is a fictional character, and a grown man/creature at that. There's nothing wrong with depicting him however anyone pleases. I personally do not enjoy the r*pey depictions of him, but he's a fictional monster, it's an inevitable take.

And, fourth, expect discussion of topics found in Silent Hill 2. Mentions of death, abuse and r*pe, but I won't be dwelling on any given topic in detail.

So, with all of that in mind…

What was that Red Pyramid Thing? An essay/character study of the manifestation of James' guilt

Red Pyramid Thing, more commonly known as Pyramid Head, is somewhat of the main antagonist in Silent Hill 2, though I use the term loosely (he certainly does antagonize James). He was made specifically because the game needed a chaser to fulfil a specific role in the story, and he was designed by Masahiro Ito.

He only appears six times total throughout the game, for around ten minutes all together. Regardless of the brevity of his sightings, he certainly makes a strong impression, if how popular he has become since then is any indication of course. Every single instance of Pyramid Head's appearance in-game has him pushing James forward towards recognizing the error of his ways and remembering what he did in the first place. Mostly emotionally, but he does physically push him once in order to make progress too. The only exception is perhaps his first appearance, where he simply stands there behind a set of bars and stares at James, simply an omen of things to come. Rather nice of him to give a warning, as vague as simply standing there menacingly can be. Other than that, PH is doing his job very actively and without pulling any punches. Only what is needed of him, up until James learns his lesson.

But, what is Pyramid Head and why does he exist? Put short, PH is a manifestation of James Sunderland's guilt and his need to be punished after what he did.

Regardless of what James says throughout most of the duration in-game, his wife Mary did not die three years ago. That's when she got sick, and she's basically been dead to him ever since. She had to be sent to the hospital and throughout the duration of it all, she somewhat made James' life far more difficult, from his own point of view at least. While her wife was fighting the illness, James was fighting his inner lust. Since he couldn't be with his wife that way anymore, and due to her behavior shift during her illness, lashing out at him, James found himself lusting for other women around him. He never acted upon it, but every vaguely attractive woman that caught his sights, whether nurse or patient, was sooner or later a part of his fantasies. And it all became too much for him.

It culminated in James no longer wanting Mary to be in his way, so he wouldn't have to worry about her anymore in every sense of the word. Thus, in an act of desperation, he suffocates her with a pillow. In order to hide the body, he brings her to his car, his mind immediately locking the memory away of what he just did in order to try and continue his life. He then heads directly to Silent Hill, as he finds it calling for him.

And Pyramid Head is there, ready to remind James of all of it and to make sure he isn't able to forget and move on.

As stated prior, everything that Pyramid Head does after his first appearance is actively to fulfil his role, to punish James Sunderland for his sins. PH doesn't hang out nor do whatever he wants, he's actively terrorizing James every time he appears, even when it seems he might not know James is even there. He knows, and he's acting accordingly. He kills Maria at least twice and chases James around in order to establish that he should be taken seriously. From what I established earlier, this is both a direct display and punishment for exactly what James did. Yet, he shows off that he's actively helping too, since he's actively trying to remove and destroy those lust-based creatures when we see him first doing anything. James just hides from the fact that he ever had those ideas in the first place.

And, after all of this is done, Pyramid Head offs himself. His job is done, there's nothing else left for him to do, it's completed its purpose. PH is directly tied to James, his existence directly revolves around him and he works diligently to show off as much as well. That's all he was created for and all he ever acted accordingly to.

So… Why is that not how he's depicted anymore? Why is he now a general judge and punisher? When did Valtiel become an important to him? Why is he depicted so lustfully?

Well, the truth is, that's really not the same Pyramid Head anymore.

Konami couldn't let PH go, mainly due to how iconic his appearance is. If you told someone with little to no artistic skill to draw Pyramid Head, chances are that you'll still be able to flawlessly tell who they drew. A stick figure with a triangle instead of a head and a big sword/knife by his side. Undoubtedly still the same iconic character. And the game, Silent Hill 2, is regarded as one of the best horror games ever by a lot of people. It's hard to not find an avid horror video game fan who hasn't at the very least heard about it; about its atmosphere, how well it depicts what it tackles and how many layers of symbolism there is to pick apart.

So, it's been somewhat inevitable that Pyramid Head became as prevalent in media as he did. If Konami sees dollar signs in their future, they're not ignoring the prediction. They just had to include the Executioner in more media in order to ensure he isn't forgotten and that he'd remain iconic. And that's how he's become what he is now. A deliverer of punishment, working for powers beyond comprehension. Whether it's Valtiel (the subject of worship for the cult in Silent Hill) or the Entity (Dead By Daylight's main antagonist), he's just been delegated to be a brutish goon more than anything.

That's what's happening to PH in real life, but how would he canonically react to this? How would he, as a character, react to being brought back to life and used as a lackey more or less, punishing whoever is deemed worthy of it? Would he even care?

Well, I have reason to believe that he'd be frustrated. Disappointed and miserable even. And that belief stems partly from Ito's tweets, but mostly from the being most like Pyramid Head of all that James meets during the nightmare he lived through in Silent Hill. Maria.

Maria is the idealized representation of James' wife, Mary. She looks far more outgoing and appealing compared to Mary, flirts with him, works at a strip club and, though she is also briefly shown to be ill, she can just take a few pills and she's fine again. Yet, she's shown to be more than this. She gets upset when James glosses over how she "almost" died, she cares about what happens to Laura and, well, she is still ill. Yes, it's true that this is simply her being a representation of Mary, as those are all traits they'd share.

But there's even more. There's Born From a Wish, a side story in the Director's Cut of Silent Hill 2, where you play as Maria. In it, we see what she did before she met James face to face for the first time. She wants to live, she's scared of the monsters and she wants to be her own person. She doesn't want to believe in fate, especially that it's tied to James, a man she's never met, yet she can just vaguely recall him. She even makes a choice whether to be in control of her fate or not, ultimately deciding to submit.

While Maria is a direct reflection of Mary, just somewhat more idolized, Pyramid Head is more of a reflection in spirit of James.

While it's correct that PH shows off what James did, it was directly to display how awful that behavior was, knowing that James is right there to bear witness. He was directly playing a part, acting even. Even his outfit reflected his part in a way that James would recognize; that of an executioner. Back in the day, Silent Hill was full of them (due to the cult dedicated to making sacrifices to Valtiel), everyone knew an executioner or was directly related to one. Thus, they were depicted in the Silent Hill Historical Society, a place that James and Mary visited. James knows that the thing freaking him out and threatening his life is an executioner, a punisher. Eventually, he realizes it's his punisher.

But then why did I bring up Maria?

Pyramid Head isn't like all the other monsters. While he causes the radio to act out, he acts far more intelligently and well-thought-out. As I emphasized before, he only appears for around ten minutes in-game. Thus, he is extremely proficient and active at his purpose. None of the other monsters that James faces behave this way; hunting him all the way through Silent Hill, only showing up when the timing is perfect. Pyramid Head knows exactly what he's doing, thus it's not too outlandish to assume that he's sapient (and also insanely dedicated to his job). Thus, him being capable of emotions may not be as far-fetched as first assumed.

Now, with all of that in mind, imagine you're Pyramid Head; created for the one purpose, insanely dedicated to it and with no reason to exist outside of it. And then… You're brought back and are being told to punish some random people that you know nothing about. All that planning and effort that was put into punishing James, that sheer artisan level of skill shown off… Replaced by mere lowly grunt work.

All that have employed Pyramid Head since he got done with James, all of them have misunderstood his point. He isn't merely a punisher and a judge, he's an actor and a skilled planner, his role was all that he ever needed or possibly even wanted to be. He lived and died for it.

And now, he's back. And he isn't allowed to be that skilled professional actor anymore, to show off his full potential. He finished acting school and now, after performing the role of his dreams, he's a clown at birthday parties.

It's rather understandable why I assume he might be frustrated now, isn't it? It's strange to think that even a powerful and assumedly somewhat intelligent being like the Entity or even a godlike being such as Valtiel wouldn't know how to properly utilize him. He gets the job done, sure, but surely there are creatures far more up for the task of endlessly hunting people in someone else's name, right?

The main way I can reason, in-universe, why either would choose him is because they find him neat. The Entity has a clear affinity for well-known slashers and monsters, and PH is definitely iconic. Valtiel however saw what a good job Pyramid Head did and decided "you know what, I'm not done with you yet, you stay". Shallow reasons sure, but still better than the Doylist one.

So, Pyramid Head has gone from the tormentor to the tormented, assuming such from the evidence I have at least. Though there's still a possibility that I overestimated or even jumped the gun on the idea that the Red Pyramid Thing knows or even cares that it's being puppeted, I think it's still a fascinating possibility. Big brutish man that's actually intelligent, but who gets misinterpreted by everyone, to the point that it's landed him a job he never wanted.

Perhaps it's why the bottom of his helm has been covered by flesh over time; so many people disregarded the head that now he's given into the pyramid. That he'll never be regarded as anything other than a mindless monster.

[turneradora]

🤣🤣🤣👍

Kath and I tried not to squeal with excitement when Aidan Turner sat right in front of us (WHAT a handsome man). But sadly he was moved to the front, ready for the Q&A at the end. My friend Amanda was messaging me, telling me to sniff him so she could know what he smelled like. I was four drinks deep by then and might just have had a go, but thank god the poor man was moved before I could work out how to do this. And I probably avoided an arrest for public harassment into the bargain. So sorry, I can’t tell you what Aidan Turner smells like, but he looks very clean. And did I say how handsome he is? New pic of Aidan at the special UK screening of « Rivals », last September 17th. (Sam Harrington-Lowe Journalist)

NEW 💯💯💯

Aidan was sitting in the screening room.

I guess probably next to Victoria Smurfit, on his left

Thanks to my friend Isademrio who found the picture this morning

Thanks to the Journalist Sam Harrington- Lowe who published the article in the Silver Magazine yesterday and took this photo of Aidan, she was sitting right behind him

THE ARTICLE

FIRST LOOK: JILLY COOPER’S RIVALS IS A WILD RIDE

The star-studded launch of Jilly Cooper’s Rivals

I’ve wanted to use this photo of Jilly Cooper for yonks, so I’ve dug it out shamelessly for this piece. Just look at her! How gorgeous? I suspect that Jilly’s life has probably been, in parts, as exciting and racy as many of her novels. When I think of Jilly Cooper’s Rivals, or Riders, or any of them, I sort of picture her like this, writing them.

I grew up loving Cooper. As a child, I can remember my dad guffawing to her columns in the heady days of Harold Evans’ Sunday Times, over a full English and untipped Gitanes. I was too young to read her then, but devoured collections of her scribblings a few years later. And as I hit my teens, I fell head over heels in love with her romantic heroines. Prudence, Octavia, Emily, Bella, Imogen et al – I read them cover to cover, repeatedly. I loved Octavia best, because who doesn’t love a broken bad girl? And Octavia was very naughty indeed.

Tame stuff by today’s standards really, despite the wildness of the ‘70s. But my love for Jilly was set for life. The delicious Britishness of it all was a big part of the attraction. I devoured the wicked filth of Jackie Collins, but it was so American to me, settings I could barely relate to. Whereas Cooper wrote very much about life from my own frame of reference. Country living, London, dogs, ponies… ridiculous 11am drinks parties. As a child, one of my first ever jobs was as a pheasant plucker – I kid you not. So to find someone writing about sex, drama, and intrigue in English country villages…

Read more: Are you common? A class guide…

But I digress

When the big ‘bonkbusters’ (god, I hate that term) started coming out, I was in fits of ecstasy. From Riders onwards I was hooked, reading voraciously and pining until another one came out. I have no idea how one even starts to write novels like that, holding all that information about so many characters together. I can barely remember why I went into the kitchen. But reading the books, sinking into that heady world of treachery, and money, and sex, and absolutely appalling behaviour was a wild pleasure I can still feel today.

So when I saw that Rivals was to be made into a TV series – by Disney no less, a weird marriage, I thought – I was wary. There have been a few adaptations of Cooper’s work before, and they’ve largely been rather awful. Would this be any different? As luck would have it, I was invited to a premiere screening of the first two episodes, followed by a panel sesh with some of the actors – so I would get to find out sooner rather than later.

The invite had specified there would be ’80s-themed drinks and canapes, and on the way up to town, my plus-one Kath and I necked G&Ts and wondered what they might be. Vol au vents, for sure. Possibly smoked salmon. Prawns? It turned out to be a take, rather than a religious revisit, which is probably better. But there were vol au vents, you’ll be pleased to know (creamy chicken and mushroom). Also prawn cocktails, and teenie Black Forest gateaux, amongst other delights.

…you could have been forgiven for thinking it really was 1985. We circulated a bit, rubbing shoulders with celebs and quaffing bubbles and tequila sunrises…

We did however arrive to a glittering event with Duran Duran blaring, hot and cold running cocktails and champagne, and stars galore. For one moment you could have been forgiven for thinking it really was 1985. We circulated a bit, rubbing shoulders with celebs and quaffing bubbles and tequila sunrises, before taking seats in the sumptuous screening room.

Kath and I tried not to squeal with excitement when Aidan Turner sat right in front of us (WHAT a handsome man). But sadly he was moved to the front, ready for the Q&A at the end. My friend Amanda was messaging me, telling me to sniff him so she could know what he smelled like. I was four drinks deep by then and might just have had a go, but thank god the poor man was moved before I could work out how to do this. And I probably avoided an arrest for public harassment into the bargain. So sorry, I can’t tell you what Aidan Turner smells like, but he looks very clean. And did I say how handsome he is?

Tell us about the show

I’m not allowed to write about the show itself yet properly. It’s embargoed until whatever date was on the piece of paper they made me sign. So I can’t actually review it properly. But I think I can tell you a few things without getting strung up.

The lineup was always going to make this enjoyable viewing, even it was shit, let’s face it. Some of my faves are in this – David Tennant, Katherine Parkinson, Danny Dyer, Aidan Turner, Emily Atack… and many more, as they say. It’s a great bunch, and dare I say it, very well cast. Tennant is sneering and chippy as Lord Tony Baddingham, Danny Dyer a perfect Freddie Jones. Bella Maclean is meltingly beautiful as Taggie, and Victoria Smurfit is a brilliant, fragile Maud O’Hara. And if you tell me that there’s a better actor to play hot-headed, principled Irish TV star Declan than Aidan Turner, well I don’t believe you.

The lineup was always going to make this enjoyable viewing, even it was shit, let’s face it

If you’ve been looking at the photos and thinking that Alex Hassell isn’t right for Rupert Campbell-Black, well, you’re not alone. Even Alex admits to being really worried about stepping into his shoes and not exactly looking like everyone expects him to. He’s not blond, for a start. But – and there are no real spoilers here Disney, if you’re reading this – after literally every part of Alex is revealed in the very first episode, as he points out, there’s nowhere really left to hide. So he just “got on with it.” And honestly, he makes a pretty good fist of it. He’s handsome, dastardly, and has a good bash at Rupert’s hidden depths, such as they are.

The challenge of taking on well-known characters

Many of the actors channelled older family members or situations. As readers of the book will know, Declan is fiercely protective of his family. Aidan said he was able to get into Declan mode by looking back at his own family. “He’s a dad, I’m a dad,” says Aidan. “I sort of related to him. And he’s like my dad, he’s Irish, there’s the hair…”

Nafessa Williams, who plays the gloriously feisty TV exec Cameron Cook, said she couldn’t wait to immerse herself in the ’80s, pointing out that she had family back then who looked exactly like she did in the show, big hair and all. She’d been able to use her own experience as the only American actor in the show, not really having insight into the wonders of the English countryside.

“It’s a lot like life imitating art, right?” she says. “Like, she [Cameron] came from New York to come here, I came from LA. So I understood her coming here and being new and not understanding this world.”

I’m not sure how many slow-burn relationships are allowed to happen in a world of Tinder and so on, so it was extremely enjoyable to play

Katherine Parker plays gentle Lizzie Vereker, and I suspect talking about the situation between her character and that of Danny Dyer’s is off limits, although obviously you can read what happens in the book. But she confesses to being thrilled to be working with him, and their chemistry is lovely.

“I was so pleased that Danny was playing that part. It’s so beautifully drawn throughout the series, their dynamic. And it unfolds over eight episodes, which is a kind of slow-burn relationship. Which feels very ‘80s. I’m not sure how many slow-burn relationships are allowed to happen in a world of Tinder and so on, so it was extremely enjoyable to play.”

And another great team

David Tennant is Lord Baddingham, massively hung up on class and wanting to fit in. He’s anchored by his wife, Lady Monica, played by the excellent Claire Rushbrook, who is very much old school posh, and who gives him the only real class clout he has. David says he loved playing Tony.

“It’s all there, it’s all there in the writing. And it’s very potent, it’s very British. But it’s very human too, you know? Like, [as Tony] I can never quite be where I want to be, to always be disappointed, because no matter how hard you try, there’s a club you’re not allowed to be in. And for someone like Tony, that’s devastating. He can only try harder. And he will never be satisfied because he’s always one peg down from the exclusive club, and it kills him.”

…he will never be satisfied because he’s always one peg down from the exclusive club, and it kills him…

Tony’s a grammar school boy, as opposed to, say, Rupert’s start in life at Harrow. And the chip on his shoulder is enormous. The most important thing to Tony?

“Winning!!” shouts Tennant, quite literally, channelling Tony alarmingly right there in the screening room. “Whatever that means, and whatever the situation… because he can never have the ultimate prize, he must have ALL the other prizes.” Tennant laughs. “He’s very balanced. There’s no daddy issues here, AT ALL!”

On scenes with Claire Rushbrook as his wife, Lady Baddingham. “I love those scenes, because it’s where all his armour falls away, and you get to see the little boy again. And he’s sort of got his mum there, that comfort. He’s very at home with her, and absolutely needs her. And he kind of runs this extraordinary lifestyle of treachery and debauchery, but he always has to have Monica.”

It’s not often I fangirl massively, but honestly. It’s DAME JILLY COOPER! After a lifetime of reading her books and words, I actually found it quite emotional to see her in the flesh. She was utterly divine, just so happy with the production and telling all the girls how beautiful they were and all the men how handsome. Plus ca change, Jilly! She’s a rather marvellous 87 now, and looking good on it. Plenty of the old Cooper sparkle, and clearly having a whale of a time at the do. I didn’t get to corner her, and probably would have been too shy really. But it was enough to have been there for this whole event.

As for the show – well, I could have sat there and binged the whole lot in one go. Which is, I suspect, what will happen when it finally airs. It’s one hundred per cent a ‘romp’ and not to be taken massively seriously. I absolutely loved it, and really hope they make the entire Rutshire Chronicles into telly shows, if they’re going to be like this.

Jilly Cooper’s Rivals launches on 18 October on Disney+ in the UK

Don’t say: “I’ll have a soya matcha latte with a gluten-free protein bar.”

Do say: “More champagne and keep it coming, and pass the Dunhills.

[aceofnace]

Nancy’s Feelings for Ace

Nancy told Ace that the first time she realized she had feelings for him was during the dreamscape with the wraith, because that was her official “oh” moment, but as a viewer we know she had feelings for him long before that, even if she didn’t know it. The first real signs for us were her obvious jelly feelings as she watched Ace flirt with Amanda in 2x07 and her mind immediately jumping to Ace when she heard the sentence “the one with the pretty eyes” in 2x08. But really, it goes even further back than that.

Nick asking Ace in the last episode if it was ever really only friendship and nothing more between him and Nancy got me thinking back to the very beginning. And to be honest, I don’t think it ever was only friendship. For either one of them.

We know now that Ace had a crush on Nancy in high school. So naturally, when she started working at The Claw, that crush returned right away (even if he also had a crush on Bess at the time). And we know Nancy met Nick and it was lust at first sight and she immediately embarked on a physical relationship with him soon after. This all happened before the show began. What else happened before the show began and it’s one of the first things Nancy tells us about Ace when her narration introduces us to him?

The smoke break.

Upon first viewing, it feels like an unimportant throwaway line. A piece of information that could just as easily have been left out. But it wasn’t. Why? Because I think that smoke break, a moment we’ve never gotten to see, was when Nancy’s feelings for Ace actually started.

Think about it for a second. We know that Nancy has always found Ace attractive. When she hears the term “pretty eyes”, she’s like “Who, Ace?” When she’s under the spell of a lust dress, she lets it slip out that she’s always imagined how soft his hair would be. In as early as episode 1x02, she’s placing a hand on his shoulder for no reason while she talks and she doesn’t let go until she’s done. He may not have necessarily been on her radar in high school like she was on his, but he certainly was as soon as she started working at The Claw.

So, now that we have obvious physical attraction out of the way, that smoke break. We know very little about it. The most of what we do know about it is made up from the minds of countless fans who’ve written their own fan fic version of it (myself included). But the one canon thing about it, the thing Nancy told us herself, was that he didn’t judge her for tanking her grades after her mom died. And how did he even know about that? Because she told him.

Nancy Drew, who at the start of the show was the queen of high emotional walls who didn’t like divulging personal information to anyone, divulged some pretty personal information to this boy she barely knew (and even though it’s never discussed again, there’s a pretty good chance that wasn’t the only smoke break they ever spent together). Meanwhile, she was hooking up with Nick and even sorta calling herself his girlfriend, but any time he tried to get her to open up and talk about anything, she shut him down immediately.

I feel like this is something that should be discussed more. The fact that she was able to so quickly and comfortably share stuff like this with Ace and nobody else is a huge deal. And in the beginning, it’s completely overlooked because Nancy’s love interest was Nick, and then after they broke up, Owen was next in line. For most of season one, she did not outwardly show any significant interest in Ace as anything more than a stranger–turned–co-worker–turned–sleuthing buddy–turned–close friend. But that interest was there.

And why wouldn’t it be? As I already mentioned, Nancy was always physically attracted to Ace. She knew from before the show began that he was a good listener and easy to talk to. And then early on when she learned about his hacking abilities, she saw how smart he was. Soon after that, she learned how loyal and dedicated he was. The boy risked his entire future to break her father out of prison, and he did so without her even asking him to. He willingly drank what could’ve been poison to prove she was right and to keep her from getting arrested. Every time she called, he answered. Every time she needed help or needed a favor, he delivered. How could she not possibly fall for him?

So, she did fall for him. Most likely even in season one. It was evident during the library scene where they were reading Ryan and Lucy’s emails out loud. Hearing Ace say things like “I think I love you too” and “I want to be with you, I don’t care what anyone else says” made her feel something, hence the look the two of them share afterward. But here’s the thing: if Nancy recognized that feeling at all, she would have shoved it down so far and so fast because that feeling was something real. Something more than she was used to feeling. And that scared her.

Nick was a distraction from the grief over her mother’s death. Owen was also a distraction from that grief, as well as from her break-up with Nick. Ace wasn’t a distraction. He was a friend. A confidant. Someone she could rely on. Someone she could count on under any circumstances. This kind of relationship with a guy was one she wasn’t accustomed to. And she knew that it could someday lead to something more serious—something she most definitely wasn’t ready for.

In 2x10, while under the spell of the lust dress, Nancy theorized out loud that perhaps the dress was intensifying feelings of attraction she already had but was repressing, and she said it while turning and looking directly at Ace. Keep in mind that (somehow) 2x10 in the timeline is not that far from where they were in season one, so to assume those repressed feelings started in season one is not that much of a stretch. And looking back, even starting within the first few episodes of the series, you can clearly see she has always been drawn to him in a very subconscious way. She would always stand so close their arms would almost touch. She would lean closely over his shoulder when he was on his laptop, their faces sometimes only mere inches apart. She would practically bump into him while walking side-by-side. She’s always had this unrealized need to be near him. To be close to him. And he’s the only one. I challenge anyone to find scenes that show her casually existing so closely next to Nick, Owen, Gil, Park or even now Tristan. You can’t. Because they don’t exist.

And this makes sense. Canonically, they are soulmates. And that would explain why Ace could simply see her make a volcano erupt in high school and develop feelings for her. It would explain why since day one, Nancy has had a bond with Ace that she’s never had with anyone else. And I know the writers say that Nace wasn’t the plan from the beginning, and I do believe that, but somehow, they inadvertently set it up perfectly for these characters to end up in the situation they’re in right now: desperately in love and desperate to be together. They are each other’s person. And they always have been from the very start.

To go back to what they were before would just be staying the same. They’ve never been just friends. And the sooner Ace can admit that to himself, the sooner they can get back to trying to break that curse and securing their future together.

[iwannascreameurekaa]

I don't understand how any of the seven get so much hate. They all have amazing characteristics, designs, personalities, backgrounds, etc. 

so I'm gonna explain why they're all amazing

Yay

Percy

Percy is the main character to the first five books so he has the most information shown about him than the seven since we read from his point of view in pjo and the Olympians. His whole thing of loyalty is incredible and the things he risked to save people he barely knew made him an amazing protagonist. 

Annabeth

Hello??? I know she's smart but that's not her only characteristic. She's blinded by her own powers and doesn't know how to handle things thrown at her when she can only rely on her emotions which is amazing cause ME TOO GIRLY she's a badass who also went through so much during HOO 

Leo

Built a whole ass ship, was manipulated and controlled into KILLING HIS OWN MOTHER OMGS MY HEART, was always singled out and felt like he didn't belong, SACRIFICED HIMSELF FOR HIS FRIENDS, and so much more!!!

Jason

This is where ima start defending for my life bc people who say Jason is boring don't understand his story. He was taken from his home, raised by wolves until he was around 2/3, raised the rest of his life until his was 16 in a camp where he was trained to be an actual child soldier, kidnapped and had his memory erased, watched his best friend DIE, and died for his other best friend !!! WHAT MORE DO YOU PEOPLE WANT????? OFC HES GOING TO BE BORING HE DIDNT KNOW WHO HE WAS OR WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE

Piper

I will hold you by the shoulders and stare directly into your soul until you give me a good reason to hate Piper bc she did nothing wrong. She just wanted her father's love and she never got it so what happened? She was sent or a wilderness camp where she was also manipulated into believing a random boy was her bf which entirely messed her up and it took her MONTHS ALMOST A YEAR to realize that she didn't have the feelings she was lead to believe. THEN SHE SAW HER EX HER BSF DIE IN FRONT OF HER????? I WOULD BE RUINED AFTER THAT OMGS 

Hazel

Excuse me, didn't she DIE in the 1940s to prevent the world from ending, came back, only to have to save the world AGAIN??? Not to mention that fact that she was bullied and harassed all her life before and after her death. Before her death she was always treated like the devil bc of her curse, even by her own mother. Her mom even neglected Hazel which is something NO ONE SEEMS TO TALK ABOUT. Then she has an unknown brother save her from the underworld and have to completely rebuild her life from scratch. At new rome she still wasn't treated right and was left out and made out to be a weird girl just like her old life. Tbh if that was me I wouldn't be shaking crying every time I saw someone. Also she learned how to control the mist which is pretty fricking cool okay I love her 

Frank

Let's just point out the obvious first. The reason Frank is not one of the most loved characters is because he is/was chubby. I'll say it, that is the reason. If he was skinny/fit more people would love him. That's probably why Rick did the transformation thingy thing where Frank got all buff. Which sucks because Frank is incredible and having one of the only character that's not skinny or muscly or as conventionally attractive have to change to those things just to be slightly more popular is STUPID!!!! I'm not hating on Rick I'm honestly hating on the fans who didn't love Frank because of the fact that he was chubby, whether they knew that was the reason they didn't like him as much as the other seven or not. His story is incredible. His mom going to war and her dying made my heart break while reading. his entire life force being attached to a piece of wood, so easy to be burned to nothingness, is SO GOOD. His awkwardness is so refreshing to see when characters are often portrayed as nonchalant and cool when in reality we're all losers 😭 

Really, there's no real reasons to hate any of the seven. You can have favorites, I have my favorites of course, but putting the other seven down doesn't do anything. You're just an asshole. 

[atlafan]

Carnal Attraction - Part One

a/n: sexology professor!harry is here!! Just a reminder, this is the only part being posted on here. The rest will be on Patreon. I can’t wait to know what you all think so far. This is going to be a good one, I think.

Warnings: talk of sexual acts, mentions of sexual misconduct

Words: 4.7K

Tumblr Masterlist I Patreon Masterlist

The world of academia is astounding. People stay in higher education for so many different reasons. Some go off to become medical doctors, others become doctors in specific fields like psychology or literature or philosophy. Some choose to stay in academia because they don’t want to sell their souls to industry work. Mavis always loved school. She was one of those kids that did well no matter what the subject was. She studied hard, wanting to take in more and more information. She was naturally gifted in the art of time management. Everything clicked for her. If something was puzzling, she’d figure it out.

There isn’t much she can’t figure out. Which is why she’s grown increasingly aggravated with her sexology professor. She can’t figure him out. She swears he hates her. He’s short with her, and less personable with her than he is with the other students. She’s never struggled like this with someone before. And he wasn’t even supposed to be the one teaching her courses!

When Mavis tells people she’s in graduate school for a master’s in sexology, they look at her funny. Furrowed eyebrows, puzzled facial expressions, etc. No one can ever piece together why someone would get an advanced degree in a subject like this. That’s because people can’t get their minds out of the gutter. In undergrad, Mavis majored in psychology, and minored in gender and sexuality studies. She eventually wants to produce literature and perform psychoanalysis on sexual behavior and sexual issues. She thought she wanted to be a psychiatrist, but that involves medical school. And as smart as she is, she’s rather squeamish when it comes to blood. So, then she thought maybe being a psychologist, some type of sex therapist would be good, but she honestly has a tough time speaking aloud about the various subjects. And sex therapy isn’t just for helping couples have better sex, a lot of it is helping people with history of sexual abuse recover and find ways to heal. Mavis doesn’t have the stomach for that. She cried too many times reading case studies about it in undergrad.

All that being said, she eventually wants to get her doctorate in psychology with a concentration in sexology, so when she found a graduate program to help get her started on that journey, she went for it. She could write about sexual disorders and the like all day. When she’s writing and researching, she’s quite helpful to others. She enjoys learning about sexual history, those were always her favorite courses. Learning about how trans people in the 1800’s used binders to hide their breasts, learning about how two opposite sex couples would get married, go in on a duplex together, and use the basement to sneak over to sleep with their same sex partner, learning about different gay and lesbian liberation movements, the HIV/AIDS epidemic, and so much more was where her interest was. It all just fascinated her, it all astounded her, and a lot of it just made her downright upset. Tears would litter her textbooks as she read about people being beaten senseless until they were left for dead in the streets. She’d cry because all of it was happening not too long ago. She cried because it still happens today.

She’s quite empathetic, and almost too much to a fault. But she can’t help that she cares! She enjoys studying the psychology side of things, how the brain functions of these people work, how the brains of bigots function, if there’s a disparity between the two on scans or octopuses. All Mavis wants to do is hunker down in her own academic sanctuary and research and read and write and publish.

Mavis had been assigned an advisor over the summer, one whom she emailed with frequently to make sure she was taking the correct courses in the correct sequence. Her advisor recommended courses with one specific professor, Professor Amaro. Apparently, her classes were top tier, and she was a favorite amongst the other graduate students. No brainer – sign up for Amaro’s courses.

Except when Mavis showed up for her first day of Human Sexuality, a co-requisite for her Sexual Pleasure Education course, there was a man standing at the podium, hooking his laptop up to the HDMI cable so he could project onto the screen up front. At first, she thought maybe he was a TA just setting up for Professor Amaro. She paid it no mind. She found a seat in the middle front, and got her own things set up. It’s syllabus week, so there won’t be much to go over, but Mavis still likes to take handwritten notes. She pulled her agenda, a notebook, and her copy of the syllabus out, and set them on her desk. The classroom is small, only meant to hold about twenty-five people. Mavis prefers small classrooms. She’s not a fan of lecture halls with stadium-style seating.

“Is anyone sitting here?” A woman’s voice took over Mavis’ attention. The desks are set up for two people to sit at. “If it is, I can sit somewhere else.”

“Oh! No, go right ahead.” Mavis smiled. “I’m Mavis.”

“Thanks.” The woman says with relief as she sits down. “I’m Taraji, I use she/they pronouns.”

“Nice to meet you. I use she/her. Thanks for letting me know yours.”

“Nice to meet you too, and no problem. It’s something new I’m trying out. I don’t…I don’t always feel like a she, you know?”

“Totally get that.”

“Sorry, I hope that wasn’t too much info too soon.”

“No worries.” Mavis waves her off. “We’re going to be talking about some real shit in this class, it’s best to just be open and honest.”

“Agreed.” Taraji takes out her own agenda and notebook. “I hate that we have to take this course in conjunction with the sexual pleasure class. I feel like I’ve taken a million human sexuality courses at this point.”

“I know, it seems a little odd, but I figure there must be more high level stuff to discuss since this is at the grad level. And review isn’t always a bad thing, I like refreshers.”

“Well, aren’t you full of silver linings?” Taraji smiles. “We need more people like that in this world.”

The girls continue to chat while the class fills in. At 10:30, the man at the front closes the door and turns the projector on, revealing his screen. Mavis’ stomach drops when she sees Human Sexuality – Professor Styles – M/W 10:30-12:00 in big bold letters.

“What happened to Professor Amaro?” She whispers to Taraji.

“Beats me.” Taraji shrugs. “Maybe we signed up for the wrong section?”

“That can’t be it, this is the only section being offered.”

The man, Professor Styles, clears his throat to get everyone’s attention. He’s wearing a button up, but it’s not buttoned up all the way. You can see his undershirt. His sleeves are rolled up, revealing quite a few tattoos. Round glasses are on the bridge of his nose, and his hair is pushed back with a couple of curls falling forward on his forehead. He looks young. Who the fuck is this guy?

“Morning, everyone.” His deep voice fills the room as he rounds the podium to stand in front of the desk attached to it. He leans back against it, gripping the edge behind him. “I’m Professor Harry Styles, I prefer to be called professor, so please try to remember that. I’m sure you’re very confused as to why I’m standing here and not Professor Amara.” He pauses to take a sip of water from his Nalgene. “I quite literally found out the other day that I would be taking over her courses. To be transparent with all of you, Professor Amaro is under investigation for sexual misconduct with her patients. As many of you know, a lot of the professors in the psychology department have their own practices outside of academia. Summer is when Professor Amaro picks up new patients. There was someone undercover seeing her for therapy, and she was caught taking advantage. It’s extremely disappointing. So, not only will she be losing her licensure, but she has been let go from the institution as well. We do not condone the abuse of patients. We also do not want someone so unethical being the one to teach our future therapists. How many of you are in here as part of the clinical licensure program?” More than half of the class raises their hands. “Right, I thought so. I usually teach undergraduate courses, but I’m fully prepared to teach at the graduate level just the same. I know many of you have already taken different iterations of Human Sexuality, but this course is integral for you so you can fully get what’s needed out of the Sexual Pleasure Education course. It says 10:30 to noon up here, but I’ll typically only be keeping you for about an hour, if that. Many of you have research and other time consuming things to do, and I want to be cognizant of that. I am also working towards my PhD, I’m about two years into my program and research.” He pauses again, knowing he just word vomited. The class is stunned with the bomb he just dropped about Professor Amaro, and they’re whiplashed going from that to the basic information about the course. “Any questions so far?”

“I have one.” A brave soul in the back raises their hand. “Which undergraduate courses do you teach? Will you need any TA’s since your load just got bigger?”

“Great question, thank you for asking. I will end up needing TA’s, but I have to wait to meet with the department chair to see what our budget is. I teach the undergraduate intro to gender and sexuality studies, and I also teach some of the higher level special topics courses. This semester I’m teaching the history of feminism, which is one of my favorites to teach, and I’m also teaching the film history course that focuses on how sex has been depicted in film since its start to the present.”

“You’re teaching a course about feminism?” Another person asks.

“Yes.” Professor Styles smirks. “It’s one of my main focuses of study. I may not be a woman, but I am a man that believes in equity and equality. Plus, I’m a huge history buff, so I enjoy teaching about how the movement began and how feminism has transformed over the years, both the good and the bad of it.”

Mavis swallows thickly. She’s a history buff too. Maybe she could be a TA for one of his classes. The extra money would be nice, and so would the bit of teaching experience if she were allowed to give a lecture or two.

“Let’s focus on this class. We’ll be going over a number of topics, and at times you may feel the need to giggle because of nerves. We’re going to discuss endorsement, communication, fantasy, masturbation, homosexuality, bisexuality, desensitization and resensitization, female and male sexuality, sexual enrichment, special problems, therapy, and cultural expression. So, this gives us a base for what we’ll be discussing in the co-requisite course. Now, I’m going to do something that I do with my undergrads, I’m going to say a ton of words and phrases that you’ll feel the need to giggle about as we discuss certain topics. This is your only chance to laugh. If you do it throughout the semester, then we’re going to have a problem. If you become a sex therapist, you can’t laugh at your patients. We’ll get into why these words make us feel nervous, and why we feel the need to laugh when we hear them.” He grabs the remote for the projector and clicks it. Everyone gasps and starts laughing when they see many words and phrases appear. “Alright: penis, vagina, pussy, cunt, cock, dick, mutual masturbation, anal, penetration, fingering, eating out, going down, blow job, hand job, sucking someone off, breasts, boobs, nipples, fetish, BDSM, whips, chains, handcuffs, threesomes, orgies, condoms, contraceptives, birth control pills, IUD, sex toys, dildo, vibrator, cock ring, lube, dirty talk, dominant, submissive, daddy, baby talk, douching, porn, clit, clitoris, prostate, prostate orgasm, orgasm, vaginal orgasm, stimulation, fucking, fisting, getting wet, wet, come, precome, squirt, squirting, ejaculation, and sex.”

The entire class is snickering and giggling and laughing, even Mavis. Hearing all of those things back to back and watching the words dance on the screen in an animated fashion is hilarious. What a fun approach to getting people more comfortable with these terms.

“There are many more words and phrases, obviously, but these will be the ones we use more often.” Professor Styles explains, smiling fondly to the class. “If you’d like to be considered for a TA position, please come up to me after you’re dismissed. “Any questions?” No one raises their hand. “Great, then you’re dismissed. Enjoy the nice weather.”

Mavis and Taraji exchange contact info, and agree to meet for coffee tomorrow morning before their sexual pleasure course. A few people go up to Professor Styles to tell him they’d like to be a TA, and he takes down their information. Mavis is the last in line, the last student in the classroom with Professor Styles.

��Name?” He asks, not looking up at her.

“Mavis Ashford.”

“Alright.” He looks up at her now, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Do you have a preference?”

“I’d love to help out in the feminism course or the film history course. I like the historical side of things when it comes to studying this content.”

“Great, those are usually the ones I have trouble finding help for.”

“Really? I’m surprised.”

“Since a lot of you are here to become licensed therapists or psychologists, not a lot of people are interested in the theoretical aspect of things.”

“Well, I definitely do not want to be a therapist. I want to do research, eventually get my PhD, like you, I suppose. I’m sad about Professor Amaro, I heard so many good things about her.”

“None of us knew about any of it. She hid what she was doing well. She had been doing it for years, supposedly.” He sighs and takes his glasses off, putting them into their case. Mavis catches how green his eyes are, almost like sage. “Did you have any other questions? I need to get across campus to my office so I can take some time to edit the Canvas courses a little more.”

“Oh! No, sorry. Guess I was just curious to know how long you’ve been teaching for. You mentioned you were in your second year of your doctoral program, so-“

“There’s a bio page for me. My listing lives under the Psychology department. I’ll keep you in mind for my special topics courses. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.” Mavis watches the very flustered, unorganized man leave the room in a rush. His papers were all over the place, and he just shoved all his things in his bag. How chaotic. Maybe if she’s able to become his TA, she could help him with that.

**

Since Monday went so well, including Mavis’ other courses, she’s excited for Tuesday. She meets Taraji for coffee, as planned, and then they head to class. A course about Sexual Pleasure Education at 9AM is wild, but if coffee doesn’t wake the class up, the content of the course sure will. Harry is at the podium, connecting his computer, just as he did yesterday. Mavis and Taraji sit at the same table they did yesterday. The class eventually fills in, and Harry turns the projector on.

“Let’s see, did I scare anyone off since yesterday?” He asks out loud, but it’s more for himself, as he checks off names on his attendance sheet. “Great, you’re all here.” He smiles. “I know you’re probably thinking how I could have possibly memorized all your names already, but I haven’t. I just have your student ID pictures next to your names on my sheet.” He leans back against the table, gripping the edge of it, same as he did yesterday, and scans over the class. “Welcome to Sexual Pleasure Education. In this class, we will discuss strategies for improved sex life, sex aids, sexual approaches, and male and female pleasuring. We will also be stressing the value of various body work techniques for persons intending to work in the field of sex therapy and counseling. Lastly, we will discuss sexological exploration of objects which have been created in response to sexual desire and experience.” He pauses to take a sip of water. “Basically, this is sex ed on crack.”

“Professor Styles?” A girl in the back raises her hand, and he nods for her to continue. “So, are there going to be, like, demonstrations in class?”

“Yes. Most people learn best by doing. And it’s important for you to know what you’re talking about if you end up becoming the type of therapist that has to make recommendations for couples. The conversations we’re going to have in this class are going to feel awkward and taboo. There are going to be days where we look at various sex toys and how to use them, and why people use them.”

“I sort of meant, like, is anything going to be demonstrated on an actual person?” The same girl asks.

“Considering that this isn’t a tantric sex workshop, no.” He smirks. “We’ll look at various anatomical diagrams to go over specific areas where people find pleasure and how best to get them to feel it in those areas.”

“Professor Styles?” A boy in the front raises his hand, and Harry nods for him to continue. “I know this isn’t technically a psychology course, but are we going to get into kinks and why some people have specific ones or like using specific objects?”

“Yes and no. We’ll discuss the psychology behind kinks in our Human Sexuality course. What we do on Mondays and Wednesdays will be more theoretical, and what we do on Tuesdays and Thursdays will be more practical. Great questions so far. Anyone have anything else?”

“Will there be trigger warnings?” Taraji asks. “For both classes?”

“Yes, when we get into some of the heavier topics, there will be trigger warnings. I’m working on updating the syllabus so you’ll all know when to expect those. If the topic is so heavy that you don’t feel as though you can come to class, please let me know so we can have a one-on-one session so we can go over the material. I can meet in-person or on zoom.”

“Thank you.” Taraji smiles softly.

“Are we going to be talking about our own personal sex lives in class?” Another girl asks.

“That depends on how comfortable you feel. We may share anecdotes, and we may not. If you become a therapist, remember that what might work for you, might not work for others. However, your patients will ask you about your personal experience with some of the things you recommend to them. I’m not saying you need to shove a butt plug up your ass in order to have a frame of reference, but sometimes it helps for your patient to know you’re a real person. Just don’t cross any hard boundaries. We all know that many patients tend to experience romantic feelings towards their therapists. That can happen twice as much with sex therapy. You need to make it clear right from the start that even though it’s a safe space for them, things will still be professional. No one is to ever take their clothes off during an appointment. That’s what leads to things like what happened with Professor Amaro to happen. Respect will be integral to this course, as well as not kink-shaming. You may find something weird that someone else may love, and vice versa. You don’t have to agree, but please be mindful of how you speak to and about others.” He drums his fingers behind him as he takes another pause. “All of that being said, if we do discuss personal sexual experiences, you need to speak about them educationally. I don’t want to hear things like, ‘this one time I was fucking this dude and he,’ blah blah blah. Okay?”

The class makes a collective noise of agreement that makes Harry very happy.

“I’m hoping to have the courses updated to my liking by next Monday. I should also know by then about TA positions for my undergraduate courses. Do we have any other questions right now?” No one answers. “Excellent. For tomorrow’s Human Sexuality class, I’d like you all to fill out these surveys.” He starts handing out papers row by row. “They’re to give me a pulse check on what you already know a lot about, and the areas you need a bit more information on. It’ll help for Thursday’s lesson in here as well.” Once all of the papers are passed out, Harry goes back to the front of the room. “If no one else has any questions, you’re all free to go.”

Everyone begins packing up their things. Mavis is stuck looking over the survey questions. Her cheeks are beat red, she just knows it.

“You coming?” Taraji asks her.

“Um, yeah.” Mavis blinks and starts packing up her things. “I just have a few questions for Professor Styles. Wanna get lunch later?”

“I’d love to. Text me later.”

Mavis nods to her new friend, and goes to the back of the line of students that have questions for Harry. Just like yesterday, it’s the two of them alone in the room. He doesn’t look at her as he stuffs his papers into his bag.

“Have you ever thought to use an accordion folder for all of that?” She asks him.

“You waited in line just to ask me that?” He looks up at her, taking his glasses off and putting them into their case.

“No.” She laughs sheepishly. “I just had a few questions about this survey.”

“Alright, shoot.” He tells her, crossing his arms over his chest loosely.

“The first question says to list five common sex toys that I know of.”

“Correct.”

“Then the second questions says to explain the function of each of the toys.”

“Also correct.”

“What if you’re not familiar with well-known sex toys? Is it okay to look up the functionality?”

“No, just give your best guess as to why someone would use it.” He looks at her, studies her. He has a question of his own to ask, but it could come off as inappropriate. “I’m going to try to phrase this in the most professional way possible…do you not have much, um, first-hand experience with sex toys?”

Mavis’ eyes widen. All she can do is shake her head no. Harry nods in understanding, not being the least bit judgmental.

“It’s not that I haven’t wanted to know more about them, like, I know a lot about the history of them, the…the theoretical side of things, as you mentioned before. But in practice…I guess that’s where I need to learn more.”

“That’s fine, you can just say that on the survey. You can keep it anonymous too. I didn’t leave a space for your names at the top.”

“So, it’s not a big deal if I haven’t personally done some of the things we’re going to discuss.” She says for clarification.

“Perfectly fine. You could be a virgin for all I care. You just need to be able to discuss and write about these things knowledgably and eloquently.”

“Well, I’m not a vi-“ She’s about to scoff, but he raises his hand to halt her from finishing her sentence.

“I don’t need to know the particulars of what you have and haven’t done, Miss Ashford.”

“You just said we need to be able to discuss these things, though.”

“Yes, as a class, when other people are around. Not when you’re in here alone with me. Someone could get the wrong idea about why we’re having this very conversation.” He slings his bag over his shoulder. “Don’t over think it, it’s just a pulse check.”

He leaves her there, sweating. Did he think she was coming on to him? Did he think she was flirting? She wasn’t! She would never do something like that with a professor.

**

The rest of the week goes by smoothly. Mavis makes sure not to ask Harry any questions after class. In the second session of Human Sexuality, they went through all the changes Harry made to the course Canvas page and to the syllabus. They did the same for the second session of Sexual Pleasure Education. Pretty easy stuff that the students are thankful for. The other courses Mavis is taking are research methods and a high-level sociology course. So starting off on the slower side is a major bonus. Harry lets them know that he’ll post a paper on his office door on Friday with who has been selected as TA’s.

Around noon on Friday, after a work out and a hearty breakfast, Mavis makes her way to the building Harry’s office is in. She takes her headphones out as she gets inside, and makes her way upstairs and down a hallway until she gets to the psych department office suite. His door is closed, so the paper is easy to read. Her eyes scan over it, and she’s taken aback when she doesn’t see her name. Four students were chosen: Eric, Alyssa, Mohamed, and Liza. Mavis frowns deeply. How could she not have been chosen? She spoke to Harry directly about helping with his higher level courses. What made these students better choices than her?

She hears the squeak of a sneaker skidding, and turns her head in its direction. There Professor Styles is. He looks rigid, almost like he had stopped short and was about to turn around. He sighs heavily and makes his way down the hall.

“Miss Ashford.” He nods and unlocks his office door. “I would have thought you would have been here first thing this morning.”

“Why didn’t you just email the students that got selected instead of making all of us come down here?”

“Because I didn’t make my decision until very late last night.” He tells her, opening his door and setting his things down on his desk. His office looks like a tornado hit it.

“Still, you could have emailed-“

“Miss Ashford, what is it that you need? I don’t have office hours today and I’m very busy.”

“I want to know why I wasn’t selected. I told you how much I love the history courses, I could have been a major help.”

“I’m sure that’s true, but I didn’t think you were the right fit for what I needed.”

“You came to that conclusion from only a week of knowing me?”

“I know the four students I selected better. I had them in my courses as undergrad students. They already know my teaching style and the learning outcomes of the courses.”

“Again, if you knew-“

“You need to go now.” He tells her, taking a dominant step forward, making her take a step back. “Don’t take it personally.”

“How can I not when you just told me I wasn’t the right fit?” She pouts, and she swears Harry’s eyes flicker down to her mouth, only for a millisecond.

“Mavis, I don’t feel comfortable with us being alone like this. There’s no one else in the office right now, I’m one of the few instructors that actually utilizes their space on Fridays.”

“But if you had office hours, I’d be alone with you.”

“Yes, with the door open, while other people are around.”

“Are you afraid of someone accusing you of doing what Professor Amaro did? I feel like you’re being overly cautious…with me.”

“You ask a lot of questions, and it’s annoying. You’re annoying. That’s why I didn’t select you. I don’t have any desire to be around you more than I’m already obligated to.”

“Are…are you allowed to speak to me like this?”

“Maybe.” He shrugs. “Or maybe not. Who’s to say? It’s your word against mine, right? No one else is here. Are you picking up what I’m putting down? I already told you I felt uncomfortable, now please go before I have to call campus police to escort you out.”

Mavis is stunned, and about ready to cry. Harry rolls his eyes when she doesn’t budge, so he goes into his office and slams the door in her face. What the fuck is his problem?!

**

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Dumbledore is a Manipulative Piece of Shit: Part 3/?

The Prophecy

In the first post in this series, I mentioned having reason to doubt the validity and truth of the prophecy regarding Voldemort and Harry. This is this post.

Although I don't have definitive proof the prophecy is a lie, I have plenty of circumstantial evidence that sheds reasonable doubt on the prophecy and Dumbledore's interpretation of it.

(link to part 2, for those interested)

Exhibit 1: The Location

So, we know how this goes:

“I did,” said Dumbledore. “On a cold, wet night sixteen years ago, in a room above the bar at the Hog’s Head Inn. I had gone there to see an applicant for the post of Divination teacher, though it was against my inclination to allow the subject of Divination to continue at all. The applicant, however, was the great-great-granddaughter of a very famous, very gifted Seer, and I thought it common politeness to meet her. I was disappointed. It seemed to me that she had not a trace of the gift herself. I told her, courteously I hope, that I did not think she would be suitable for the post. I turned to leave.”

(Order of the Pheonix, page 840)

“That might, indeed, have been the more practical course,” said Dumbledore, “except that Voldemort’s information about the prophecy was incomplete. The Hog’s Head Inn, which Sibyll chose for its cheapness, has long attracted, shall we say, a more interesting clientele than the Three Broomsticks. As you and your friends found out to your cost, and I to mine that night, it is a place where it is never safe to assume you are not being overheard. Of course, I had not dreamed, when I set out to meet Sibyll Trelawney, that I would hear anything worth overhearing. My — our — one stroke of good fortune was that the eavesdropper was detected only a short way into the prophecy and thrown from the building.”

(Order of the Pheonix, page 843)

The reason I'm bringing this up is this specific part of the quote above in particular:

The Hog’s Head Inn, which Sibyll chose for its cheapness

Since when does an interview prospect for the position of Hogwarts professor choose the location of the interview?

We know that when Tom Riddle came to his interview for the Defence Against the Dark Arts position in 1967, the interview was held in the Headmaster's office at Hogwarts:

The Dumbledore behind the desk showed no sign of surprise. Evidently this visit had been made by appointment. “Good evening, Tom,” said Dumbledore easily. “Won’t you sit down?” “Thank you,” said Voldemort, and he took the seat to which Dumbledore had gestured — the very seat, by the looks of it, that Harry had just vacated in the present. “I heard that you had become headmaster,” he said, and his voice was slightly higher and colder than it had been. “A worthy choice.” “I am glad you approve,” said Dumbledore, smiling. “May I offer you a drink?” “That would be welcome,” said Voldemort. “I have come a long way.” Dumbledore stood and swept over to the cabinet where he now kept the Pensieve, but which then was full of bottles. Having handed Voldemort a goblet of wine and poured one for himself, he returned to the seat behind his desk.

(Half-Blood Prince, page 441)

Why would Dumbledore choose to hold Trelawney's interview in the Hogs-Head? Because it was his choice. He could've interviewed her in his office like he had Tom Riddle. But no, he preferred the cheap inn, run by a brother who hates him and is known for attracting less reputable sorts (including Death Eaters) in the middle of a war?

And even if he is holding the interview in the hogs-Head, let's say he has a good reason for it, why not make sure he wasn't overheard in such a place? We know its possible with the Imperturbable Charm.

Turning to Fred and George she said, “It’s no go with the Extendable Ears, she’s gone and put an Imperturbable Charm on the kitchen door.”

(Order of the Pheonix, page 69)

Because if Molly Weasley can cast this charm, surely Dumbledore can.

Or the Muffliato Charm that Snape has invented by that point:

and, perhaps most useful of all, Muffliato, a spell that filled the ears of anyone nearby with an unidentifiable buzzing, so that lengthy conversations could be held in class without being overheard.

(Half-Blood Prince, page 238)

But no, instead he made sure to be in a place where he was likely to be spied on and took no precautions against it, even though he could've held the interview in the safety of Hogwarts.

The only conclusion I can draw is that he wanted to be overheard. That he wanted some Death Eater to hear the prophecy and take it to Voldemort.

Exhibit 2: The Circumstances

But why? Why would he want Voldemort to hear a prophecy that would make him target an innocent baby?

Well, Dumbledore was in a rough spot in May of 1980 when the prophecy was made. Voldemort practically controlled the ministry and did as he pleased (even though, it wasn't much). The Order of the Phoenix had 15 of its members and member families killed from August 1979 to that interview.

Dumbledore and the Order were losing. And they were losing badly.

Arthur Weasley says:

“Oh, Molly, come on, it’s about time you got used to hearing it — look, I can’t promise no one’s going to get hurt, nobody can promise that, but we’re much better off than we were last time, you weren’t in the Order then, you don’t understand, last time we were outnumbered twenty to one by the Death Eaters and they were picking us off one by one. . . .”

(Order of the Pheonix, page 177)

By 1980, if Dumbledore wanted to win, he needed a miracle. And that's when he was approached by Trelawney approached him.

If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say he held a normal interview in the castle, and in that interview, she made a real prophecy about Harry and Voldemort, but not the one we hear. Dumbledore heard the prophecy and knew he'd have to orchestrate the circumstances of Halloween 1981 if he wanted to end Voldemort. So he did.

He gave Trelawney a script, and he made sure to be somewhere a wizard down on their luck who wouldn't stand the temptation to spy on him would overhear and sell the information to Voldemort. I don't know if Dumbledore specifically intended for it to be Snape, but maybe? I don't know.

But I know he made sure Voldemort got hold of the prophecy, or at least part of it so Dumbledore could set Voldemort's demise into motion.

Exhibit 3: The Only Time We Hear the Prophecy

Now, we would never know what the true prophecy said, since it was smashed.

The only source we have for the full prophecy is the word of Albus Dumbledore. Well, his word and his odd memory:

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wand and prodded the silvery substance with its tip. A figure rose out of it, draped in shawls, her eyes magnified to enormous size behind her glasses, and she revolved slowly, her feet in the basin. But when Sibyll Trelawney spoke, it was not in her usual ethereal, mystic voice, but in the harsh, hoarse tones Harry had heard her use once before. “THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO VANQUISH THE DARK LORD APPROACHES. . . . BORN TO THOSE WHO HAVE THRICE DEFIED HIM, BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES . . . AND THE DARK LORD WILL MARK HIM AS HIS EQUAL, BUT HE WILL HAVE POWER THE DARK LORD KNOWS NOT . . . AND EITHER MUST DIE AT THE HAND OF THE OTHER FOR NEITHER CAN LIVE WHILE THE OTHER SURVIVES. . . . THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO VANQUISH THE DARK LORD WILL BE BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES. . . .” The slowly revolving Professor Trelawney sank back into the silver mass below and vanished.

(Order of the Pheonix, page 841)

No other memory Harry sees in the pensive behaves this way. Harry always places his head in the pensive and is sucked into the memory, to walk in it. It's how a pensive always worked.

Except for this one singular instance, in which it shows a "memory" like a hologram, like an illusion.

I don't think this is a memory at all, just from how different it is described from any other memory. For context, pensive memories are described like this in the same book:

Harry walked the remaining few feet to the Pensieve and stood over it, gazing into its depths. He hesitated, listening, then pulled out his wand again. The office and the corridor beyond were completely silent. He gave the contents of the Pensieve a small prod with the end of his wand. The silvery stuff within began to swirl very fast. Harry leaned forward over it and saw that it had become transparent. He was, once again, looking down into a room as though through a circular window in the ceiling. . . . In fact, unless he was much mistaken, he was looking down upon the Great Hall. . . .His breath was actually fogging the surface of Snape’s thoughts. . . .His brain seemed to be in limbo. . . . It would be insane to do the thing that he was so strongly tempted to do. . . . He was trembling. . . . Snape could be back at any moment . . . but Harry thought of Cho’s anger, of Malfoy’s jeering face, and a reckless daring seized him. He took a great gulp of breath and plunged his face into the surface of Snape’s thoughts. At once, the floor of the office lurched, tipping Harry headfirst into the Pensieve. . . . He was falling through cold blackness, spinning furiously as he went, and then — He was standing in the middle of the Great Hall

(Order of the Pheonix, page 640)

Even if I did take the prophecy at face value, which is a big if, I can interrupt it in multiple ways. I'll give one example:

The third line:

BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES

Sure, it can refer to July, the seventh month in the Julian calendar we use today. But before Julius Caesar and Agustus (the Roman emperors) added months named after them, September was the seventh month. It's why it's called September — "Septima" means "seven" in Latin. September is literally named "the seventh month".

And that's without talking about other calendars, that have a whole different system to their months.

Or the Line before it:

BORN TO THOSE WHO HAVE THRICE DEFIED HIM

What exactly counts as defying? It's so vague any disagreement could be considered a defiance. Is it battle? Is it that he offered James and Lily to join him and they refused?

Vagueness means it could mean literally anything and puts the whole interpretation of the prophecy in question.

Conclusions

So, we have a prophecy that was made under odd circumstances, where the only source we have to it is supposedly a memory of a powerful Legilemense that knows how to edit memories.

There isn't exactly cutting evidence the prophecy is fake, but I think there's enough here to make us doubt its validity along with its intentions and interpretation.

[beloved-cat-gremlin]

Spoilers for the FF7 franchice and Dirge of Cerberus under the cut. This warning is mostly for my friend who's currently playing the original game.

Before I go on with my ramblings I wanna make clear that the only games/media in the FF7 franchise I've gotten through are the original FF7, Crisis Core/Crisis Core Reunion, Advent Children (complete), Dirge of Cerberus and bits and pieces of both Remake and Rebirth.

If some of my information seems faulty in my rant please don't be afraid to give me more details.

I'm planing on going through Before Crisis, Ever Crisis and three books which I know are important to some world and character building. If anyone knows more games or media I should go through to fully understand the FF7 lore and story, hit me with it.

With that out of the way.

Let's talk about Lucrecia Crescent shall we?

I've seen people completely hate on Lucrecia, blaming her for all the things that went wrong in the story.

I've seen people defend her as if she was an innocent angel who didn't do anything wrong.

And I've seen people claim she is an important character because she is a "bad person", saying that she went through all of her choices and actions with full confidence and full knowledge of the causes and consequences of her actions. And that it makes her a "good" character with story telling.

And I have to very respectfully disagree with all of those statements.

Do I think Lucrecia is at fault and to blame for everything? No.

Do I think Lucrecia did nothing wrong and she was only a victim in the story? No.

Do I think she was a genuinely bad person and did all of the things she did with full understanding of the situation? No.

I think that Lucrecia is a very deeply flawed character, who went through several hardships, made bad choices with the idea of achieving something good, only to realize the mistakes of her actions the moment everything crumbled around her.

First big topic on the whole thing.

"Did Lucrecia do the experiments on purpose?"

Short answer: yes. Long answer: She is a scientist who works for Shinra. Her main job is to conduct experiments and discover new things in her field. She clearly loved her job and loved doing things for it to further their research. Of course she would be open for certain experiments, even if it would put someone or even herself in danger. She deeply cared for her career and wanted to make a major breakthrough.

However that doesn't mean she did them out of ill intend. I'm pretty sure she went into these experiments believing that she was doing something good for her research and the company. I highly doubt she thought that things would turn out this bad.

And I think another reason for her continuation of these experiments must have been Grimoire's death. This was the first moment that got the snowball rolling.

Grimoire's death was devastating for her. She deeply cared for him and his death must have made her feel broken. She blamed herself for his death. But in reality it was no ones fault. It was a stupid accident leading to horrible consequences.

Which also leads into point two.

"Vincent's feelings for Lucrecia were unrequited."

This line alone is bullshit to me. "Unrequited" my ass. Lucrecia very clearly had feelings for Vincent. But there was two reasons to why she decided to choose Hojo over Vincent. The first being the aforementioned death of Grimoire, aka Vincent's father. Lucrecia blamed herself for his death and she was filled with such guilt that she thought she didn't deserve to be with Vincent.

The second factor being, that she genuinely saw something in Hojo that attracted her to him. I don't think that the sole reason she chose Hojo over Vincent is her lingering guilt, but rather that Hojo did possess qualities that Lucrecia liked about him. They are both scientists. They both work in the same field. They both share interests and ideas. I think that Lucrecia did truly value someone who would be able to share her interests. And Hojo was just that.

(Not to mention that Hojo probably hid some of his true intentions and personality from Lucrecia in order to gain her trust for cooperation on the Jenova project. If Lucrecia would have seen what Hojo was truly like before finding Vincent shot, she would have chosen Vincent any day over Hojo.)

In short I believe the reason Lucrecia did end up with Hojo is just an unfortunate mix of guilt and yet still lingering admiration. She chose him out of her own free will, but also in combination that it might be a punishment for the things she had done to Vincent. Even if it wasn't her fault.

Which leads me to point three in all of this.

"Lucrecia chose to do the experiments fully knowing what would happen."

I do believe that she fully agreed to doing the Jenova experiment. This goes back to my first point that I made: that Lucrecia truly valued her work and the field she put her research in. So I believe that Lucrecia went through the experiment with Jenova cells thinking that she would achieve something that would benefit the company as a whole.

But do I believe that she also knew that her child would be taken from her and given to the company to be further experimented on and turned into a weapon for Shinra to use whenever they please? Fuck no!

If her cries to see Sephiroth just once aren't enough proof that she clearly wanted to be there for her child while the experiment would continue, then idk what else you need.

Lucrecia couldn't have known that they would take her child. That they would refuse to let her hold, let alone see her child. She could have never known that this would happen. She was aware that her child would be beneficial to the company, but she probably assumed that she could still care for her child.

Also let's take in consideration: We know what Jenova is. We know what her true intentions are and what she is able to do to people.

Let's see what the characters in the story think Jenova is at this very moment: They believe that Jenova was one of the Ancients. A race that once lived on the planet in peace and harmony with the lifestream. At this point in time none of the scientists knew what Jenova truly was.

Lucrecia probably assumed that once her child was born that it would still be a normal kid only with the abilities that the Ancients used to have in the past.

And yes. Lucrecia did get those flashes of the future later on. Partly seeing of what would become of Sephiroth and Jenova. But can we really assume that she knew that the man she saw in her visions was her own son? I doubt that. And again she only got these flashes of the future after she already agreed to the experiment. Prior to that she didn't know.

To summarize this part: Lucrecia did go through the experiment on her own will, but with different expectations to what would actually happen with her child and the unfortunate misunderstanding of what Jenova truly was. And even with the visions she still couldn't have fully understood what the consequences were.

And the final part to all of this which I've seen some people complain about.

"Lucrecia doing bad decisions on the account of having mental breakdowns is bad writing."

Lucrecia went through a lot of shit.

First she loses her work partner -who she deeply cared for- to an unfortunate accident that happens through dumb desicions and actions. Causing her to blame herself for his death.

Already she is grieving over the loss of someone important. Then said work partner's son is appointed to work with her, causing the guilt to grow stronger as she feels like she ruined Vincent's life. Not just that but Vincent alone reminds her of Grimoire. Causing her to never be able to truly let go of the mistakes of the past.

Then she finds herself conflicted with her feelings as she does feel something for both Vincent and Hojo. But her dedication to her job and the still lingering guilt cause her to choose Hojo over Vincent.

She then gets pregnant and agrees to go through an experiment that could be beneficial for the company while still being able to create a family of her own.

After that she gains strange visions of the future, causing Vincent to get suspicious about the whole thing and confronting Lucrecia about it. Lucrecia at this point was dealing with her pregnancy, the loss of her work partner, her still lingering feelings toward Vincent and the pressure of the experiment. Of course she would lash out at Vincent.

She then finds out that her husband had shot and killed her assigned bodyguard, who tried to intervene in the experiment for her own good after he witnessed how Lucrecia was only hurting herself with all this mental anguish.

Not only does she have to deal with the loss of someone she had feelings for, but she basically had to relieve Grimoire's death all over again. Only this time she also found out that her husband was crazy and decided to experiment on her bodyguard.

At this point I think I would also become more than desperate to try and bring back someone who I cared for. Even if it meant infusing them with something that I'm not sure will keep them alive or not.

Lucrecia's choice to put Chaos inside Vincent to try and save him makes sense in my eyes. Not just that but Hojo kept putting things in her head. Manipulating her thoughts on what he wants her to believe she was doing. Lucrecia was a broken person at the end.

And to top it all off at the very end she isn't even allowed to see her son. She had lost everything in the end. Her work partner, her feelings for Vincent, the husband she assumed would care for her, Vincent himself, her own will and actions and now even her own son. No wonder she wanted to end her own life.

Lucrecia isn't to blame for everything. She also isn't some innocent victim in all of this. And she especially isn't a bad person who went through all of these things knowing the following results and trying to play victim.

Lucrecia is someone who deeply values her work and the company she is placed under. She is someone who made mistakes at the wrong place at the wrong time and is grieving the loss of someone important.

She is someone who was conflicted with her feelings toward two people she had feelings for, choosing someone with the thought of having done the right thing.

She is someone who went through hardships and desicions that she assumed would lead to good outcomes, only to have once again been thrown under the bus by being tricked by someone she assumed loved her and through misunderstandings.

She is someone who was broken mentally through the wrong choices she made and in her panic only made things worse because she wasn't able to think clearly.

Lucrecia Crescent is a deeply flawed character who wanted to do things for the better only to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And being guided by unfortunate events that lead her to doing even more unfortunate choices.