#why did i think a healthy relationship would fix it?
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mare-the-silly-scroingle · 1 year ago
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today’s been a bad day and one of my friends is practically begging me to let him vent to me and my other friend is picking a fight right now and i can’t remember the last time i saw another person aside from my girlfriend. she makes it better but makes everything worse. i have a meeting tomorrow i swore i’d sleep early for but now i just. i don’t know what i want. 
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idledreams4 · 5 months ago
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my mother is in a bad mood today
Great.
#Got yelled at for enjoying a fandom SHE wanted me to be part of#But she was also clearly pissed off just waking me up this morning so clearly something else happened#I'm putting the mark of Cain back on my arm later#She hadn't even noticed *that* but I'm sure she would have freaked out about it too#“you do realize that [the anti-possession tattoo] can be taken as Devil worship right??????”#Yeah. I am. It happens to supernatural fans allllll the time. Am I going to get yelled at when I actually get it tattooed too?#Or is it only a problem rn when I did it with FACEPAINT#Like it can all come off#In less than 5 minutes#And the handprint#Really?#It's OBVIOUSLY facepaint#You think people are going to look at me and assume “oh no that poor child is being abused”#Or is it more likely they look at me and go “oh they got bored and put a handprint on their shoulder”#Like seriously#Reactions like this are why I don't share anything with you mother. Have you considered that?#Last night I saw my facepaint and went “hey it'll be fun to turn myself into Dean!”#That's all#So I'm getting yelled at for daring to have a little fun and trying to be like my role model#Well.... Role model is a strong word#I idolize some things: like his confidence and stuff#I think confort character might be a better term for him#We're very similar and I simultaneously kin him and want to sleep with him XD#But I'm also very much like him in the way of deep down I just want to find someone willing to love me. No matter how broken I am#I never say this about any character ever but I think we could fix eachother#Not if we're trying#But if we just ended up together by chance and formed a nice healthy relationship I think slowly we would fix eachother#idle speaks#queenie rambles
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taeyongdoyoung · 7 months ago
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good for you
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summary: your boyfriend is literally perfect and treats you like a princess but you want him to completely lose control 😇 pairing: mingyu x reader genre: smut, tooth-rotting fluff warnings: established relationship, home intruder roleplay, consensual somnophilia, safeword exists but isn't used, rough sex, no lube, no protection, neck biting, size kink (no one is surprised), titty slapping, sir kink, spanking, praise+degradation, slight dumbification, subspace, pet names, shy dom gyu, crying, mentions of pee (non-sexual context), aftercare!!! word count: 1.7k
You and Mingyu have not been together for long but from what you know so far he’s the sweetest guy you’ve ever dated. He treats you like a princess, brings you flowers or chocolates with or without occasion, drives you around everywhere, gets stuff from the top shelf for you and is basically the kindest soul to ever step on this Earth. You are, of course, beyond grateful for that, and do your best to show him how much you appreciate him every chance you get.
However, a little demon inside your brain kind of wants him to not treat you as if you are made of glass all the time. While the sex is great and Mingyu makes sure that you reach an orgasm, you can’t help but fantasize about him going rough on you. Even when his friends tease (bully) him, he almost never uses his height and strength to his advantage, instead accepting everything with a good-natured smile.
But you would be lying if you said that the idea of him just snapping doesn’t excite you. Nevertheless, you are not sure how to bring this up to him. You don’t want to sound ungrateful or for him to feel insecure about his abilities because he’s perfect the way he is. It’s your filthy brain that needs fixing. Still, you decide that honesty is the key to a healthy relationship and you gather all your courage to approach him about this.
“Hey, Mingyu, can we talk about something?” you ask one evening after you two have finished having dinner.
His eyes are immediately filled with worry. Judging by the tone of your voice, this is something serious. So far, your relationship has been lighthearted and devoid of any problems. Mingyu thinks that it’s going great but apparently he’s been fooling himself.
“What’s wrong?” he wants to know. “You’re not breaking up with me, right?”
“What?! Of course not! Do you want to break up with me?” you panic.
“No, no, please,” Mingyu shakes his head fervently.
“Good, good,” you exhale in relief.
“So, what did you wanna talk about?”
“Um, it’s kinda embarrassing but I don’t want to keep any secrets from you.”
“Secrets?” Mingyu blinks in curiosity.
“Yeah
You know how you’re always super gentle with me, both outside and inside the bedroom?”
“Uh, sure? What about it?”
“Can you consider
not doing that all the time?”
“In what sense?” Mingyu raises his eyebrows in confusion.
“In the sense that
can you fuck me harder without holding yourself back? You’re not gonna break me, I promise.”
“Oh
” he finally realizes what you’re getting at. Because he doesn’t say anything rightaway, you hurry to explain.
“Not that I don’t like how sweet and patient you are with me! It’s more than amazing, I just thought that
maybe it’d be fun to try something new. If it’s not your thing, forget I mentioned it, I’m so-“
“It’s not that it doesn’t sound appealing. But I’m afraid that if I’m not holding myself back, I’ll end up hurting you,” Mingyu confesses, surprising you.
You reach your hand out across the table to hold his comfortingly.
“You won’t. I know how caring you are, Mingyu. Which is why I would trust you with something like this. Okay?”
“Okay,” he nods. “Did you have a particular scenario in mind or do you want me to surprise you?”
“Surprise me.”
Mingyu smirks sinisterly. Oh God. What kind of demon have you unleashed?
🎀🎀🎀
A few days later, you receive a text from Mingyu while you’re walking home.
Mingyu: Busy tonight?
You: All yours
Mingyu: Unlock your door at exactly 10pm and wait for me in your bed. If I’m not there by 10:30, lock it again, alright?
You: Yes, sir 🛐
Mingyu: That’s my good girl.
Fucking hell. Your heart flutters upon reading these words. He’s called you that before but in this context, it thrills you even more than usual.
Mingyu: Safeword is butterfly. Use it if something is too much, if you’re in pain or for any other reason that brings you discomfort, okay?
You: I’m gonna need a safeword?!?!
Mingyu: I hope it doesn’t come to that but just in case. See you in a couple of hours, baby.
You’re too excited for tonight. You take a long shower. You wear your prettiest lingerie and make your room as cozy as possible. Not that it matters. You spray perfume over your neck and wrists. You put on some lipbalm and mascara. You want to look good for him. But the truth is, you had an exhausting week and already feel sleepy. You unlock the door at 10pm, climb into your bed and

Somehow you fall asleep. You feel disoriented as your consciousness is slowly returning to you. You feel too hot, too weak and too full. Fuck. What’s going on? You don’t dare to open your eyes for fear of ruining the sweeter than sleep reality.
“Dumb baby couldn’t wait for me and fell asleep all by herself?” Mingyu’s deep voice coos in your ear.
In your half-awake state you feel your boyfriend’s cock thrusting deep inside of you, taking you rougher than ever before. Well, you asked for it.
“So cute and helpless, leaving the door unlocked for anyone to enter and use you like a whore,” Mingyu murmurs.
He rubs your clit vigorously while still fucking into you, making you wetter than ever before.
“Nnghh,” you whimper drowsily.
“Shhh, baby, go back to sleep,” Mingyu whispers. “I’ll take care of you. You don’t have to think about anything.”
He squeezes your boobs, leaning down to bite your neck like a hungry wolf. And here, you thought your boyfriend was just a cute puppy.
“S-so big,” you cry out pitifully.
“You can take it, slut,” Mingyu says confidently.
You don’t offer a verbal response but your body speaks for itself. Mingyu is almost splitting you in two but your pussy is swallowing him up greedily.
“H-harder, p-please,” your mouth seems to have a mind of its own because it speaks against any common sense.
Mingyu slaps your tits, a little hesitant at first.
It stings but it’s such a sweet hurt you’re already addicted to it.
“Like this?” he asks, making sure it’s okay.
“M-more,” you beg, forgetting all inhibitions. “Use me.”
He does it a couple of more times, while still fucking you roughly. His dick is so enormous that you’re certain you’ll be sore tomorrow but it will be more than worth it. You lose count of how many times you’ve come around his cock. Sliding out and flipping you on your belly, he takes you from behind, too, spanking your ass and gripping your hair.
“Such a good girl, just for me, right? No one else gets to see you like this, yeah?” Mingyu’s words come out rushed, almost in trance.
“All yours, sir,” you promise.
Mingyu seems satisfied with your answer because he spills his seed inside of you seconds after. You follow his lead and eventually, your knees give out, your mind goes blank and you collapse on the bed.
“Baby?” Mingyu checks up on you worriedly.
You are not capable of responding, brain barely functioning anymore. He moves you gently to see your face. Your eyes are open but unblinking, which scares the shit out of him.
“Come back to me, my sweetheart, please,” Mingyu cries out, hugging you tightly.
A couple of moments later, you still don’t remember your own name but something more important to you leaves your lips:
“Mingyu?” you whisper cautiously.
“Oh, angel,” Mingyu sighs. “I’m right here.”
Then, you suddenly burst into tears. Overwhelmed by how good he made you feel and how much he cares about you, your emotions fully take over.
“What’s wrong, baby? Did I hurt you?” Mingyu positions you so that you are sitting on his knee and rocks you gently back and forth.
“N-no,” you shake your head. “I’m s-so happy.”
“You poor thing,” Mingyu chuckles softly. “Can’t believe you worked so hard to doll yourself up and make the room smell nice. You knew I was gonna ruin your lingerie anyway, didn’t you?”
“I just wanted to look good for you,” you admit with a pout.
“You always do. My best girl,” Mingyu kisses you sweetly and wraps you in his warm embrace, lulling you back to sleep.
🎀🎀🎀
The next morning, you wake up to the feeling of wanting to pee so badly. You manage to climb out of bed but barely make one step and trip on the ground. Uh oh. You got fucked so good you literally can’t walk.
Awakened by the loud thud, Mingyu is by your side in no time.
“What happened?”
“You happened,” you reply truthfully, but you don’t blame him because you brought this upon yourself.
“Oh
” Mingyu understands what you mean. “Did you want to use the toilet?”
“Uh, yeah. Gosh, this is so mortifying.”
You cover your face with your hands.
“I was literally deep inside of you a few hours ago, get over yourself,” Mingyu laughs and lifts you up effortlessly, carrying you to the bathroom.
“Are you gonna stare at me?!” you ask in embarrassment.
“Might as well,” he laughs but gives you some privacy, even though there is no need to be shy after all the things you’ve done together.
After that, he insists on doing everything for you. You tell him you are perfectly capable of brushing your own teeth but nope, Mingyu wants to do that, as well. And honestly? It feels too good to reject.
He even makes breakfast and brings it to bed so you can share it together. As you take the first bite and drink the first sip of coffee for the morning, the feelings come crashing once again. And you start crying even harder than last night.
“Oh, baby, what is it?” Mingyu wants to know, as he brushes your hair behind your ear and wipes your tears.
“N-nothing, you’re just so amazing and kind I feel extremely touched.”
“You do realize this is literally the bare minimum, right?” Mingyu seems shocked. He just made pancakes. It’s not some heroic act, in his humble opinion.
“It’s so rare to find a lovely guy like you, though,” you admit.
“Well, my good girl deserves only the best,” he smiles shyly and kisses your cheek.
You wrap your arms around his neck, grinning wider than ever before.
“Keep talking like that and I’ll want to be good for you forever.”
“I’m counting on it.”
The End
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tojikai · 5 months ago
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Sunderedâș : CATHARSIS
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Big thanks to @mikeyslvrr for commissioning this piece! ♡
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Pairing: Gojo x reader
‱ SUNDERED MASTERLIST
Genre: Angst
tags/cw: angst, babydaddy!gojo, babymomma!reader
word count: 5.6k
a/n: Only the kitchen conversation can be considered a part of the main series.
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Have your pieces been carried by the waves, swept away from this city that whispers his name everywhere you go?
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Satoru woke up from a hard smack on his shoulder. “What is wrong with you? You kept grunting in your sleep.” You walked away, fixing your belt. “You’re leaving?” He muttered, heart still racing as he ran a hand down his face, thinking of his dream where you got mad at him and left with Yui.
Satoru's pretty sure that if he died today, he would get seven minutes of all the moments he had hurt you, not seven minutes of happy moments. Sometimes all the wrong things he did would catch up to him and haunt him in his sleep; where he can almost physically feel the pain he caused emitting from your skin because he chose to be a better man for someone else. 
“Uh, yes. Isn’t that why you volunteered to babysit? He watched you reapply your lipstick. Satoru found himself licking his lips, spacing out. “Oh yeah,” He sighed, realizing that he just fell asleep after snack time with Yui. He overheard you asking your Mom to babysit Yui while you go out and he volunteered.
You’re going out. On a date. At night. With a guy.
He blinked fast like it could wipe away his heart-wrenching thoughts. It’s just a date, he told himself, reminding himself of his place in your life and how he doesn’t have the right to be
territorial and possessive over you. 
“I, uh, haha, ‘had a really deep nap’” He scratched his head. There were a lot of things going on inside his head but hugging you was the hardest to control. If he begged you not to go, would you listen? But he promised to support your happiness. 
Satoru and you have been having a very healthy co-parenting relationship, and you're more comfortable around each other now. Although you never mentioned anything about taking him back, he just can't let go of his hope. If he gave up, he feared to end up like his father. 
Lose the woman he loves, his family, forever. That's his biggest fear. He’d probably just drop dead without warning if it happens.
“I won’t be out so late.” You rushed to check on your sleeping doll in her room. “Her screen time, Satoru.” You reminded him as you looked at yourself in the mirror. Satoru could only hum in response, mesmerized. He wished he could go out on date nights with you too.
Tapping his shoulder, you left him daydreaming in the middle of aftershocks from a nightmare.
———————————————
“Yui, do you think Mama still loves Dada?” He asked absentmindedly, juggling a toy in his hand while his daughter was lost in the movie. He didn't think she was listening to him, but she replied with a simple, “No.” He stared at the side of her face for a minute before sighing, afraid that she might be right.
“Mama wuv Yui.” She pointed at her chest, leaving Satoru in awe. “Of course. Dada loves you as well.” He was trying to let go of the weight on his chest but tragically failed when he remembered the words he said to you that fateful day. It was one of the days he regretted the most. 
That, and the day he chose to give up on your relationship.He can see himself spending his whole life proving his love to you as long as you let him. 
The wait was agonizing. He feels like his oxygen levels get significantly lower with each passing hour. He paced around the kitchen after lulling his child to sleep. It’s 9:27 PM and just as he was about to check his phone, the door opened. “Oh, it’s been a while since I ate out with a friend alone.” You sighed, a small smile playing on your lips. Satoru just stood there nervously.
“W-welcome home. How did your
date go?” He kind of regrets asking that because it felt like he was intruding, but you smiled, taking your shoes off. “It was fun, a little breather. Where’s Yui?” You walked to Yui’s room and Satoru couldn’t help but breathe in as you passed by him.
You smelled of
your cologne. He let out a sigh of relief. But did he feel relieved? No. It’s just the first date. There could be a second, third, and fourth date. Then, you’ll be together, and God
what will become of him?
“Did you go home by yourself?” He followed you. “Of course not. He dropped me off.” Damn it. He should’ve waited by the window so he could see him. “He got Yui a little something.” You pulled a little bear keychain from your bag, and Satoru couldn’t help the painful contractions in his heart.
That motherfucker prepared. He cursed internally, smiling a little too hard as you showed it to him. “Guess I’ll just give it to her tomorrow.” You both kissed your daughter good night before leaving the room. He felt a splitting headache coming on. He hasn’t stopped thinking since this afternoon.
As Satoru left, he took in the small smile on your face as you closed the door. You’re really happy. Now, he’s curious about this guy. Closing his eyes, he squeezed the steering wheel. It was that feeling with Toji again, and this time it’s worse because he has to witness you slowly fall in love with someone new.
He felt like running back inside and begging you to just let him begin again like that too. But that would be too much of an imposition, especially for someone who almost ruined your perception of love.
What he can only do is go home, suck it up, and sleep.
———————————————
The following weeks have been nothing but torture for Satoru. The second time, you went out with a couple of friends but that didn’t change anything for him. And now,  you’re meeting up again, and despite being told that your mom can do it when it’s not his schedule, he still insisted on babysitting.
Now he’s once again sitting on your couch, elbows on his knees. What would he do if you called him and told him you won’t be home tonight? No, no, he doubts that. You’re too hands-on with Yui, no way you’ll just decide like that. But
What if? He shot up from the seat to peek at the window when he saw headlights from outside.
You’re still inside the car. Images started flashing before his eyes and he could tell he was just a pinch away from bursting out the door to get your attention. Satoru’s hand moved up to his chest in relief when you stepped out. He probably kissed her. His brain whispered and Satoru was forced to gulp the pain.
He’s gonna have to see it one day and he will have no choice but to look away.
Sitting down when he saw you walk to the door, he rubbed his eyes quickly before pretending to be on his phone. “Hi,” You smiled at him, “I got home late.” You sighed, glancing at your wristwatch. “It’s alright, Yui was being so good, she slept early.” He ran a hand through his hair and walked behind you.
Kissing your daughter’s cheeks, you looked up at him. “You know, I was wondering if it’s fine to take Yui with us to the theme park next time?” You stood up, heading to the kitchen. “I mean, I’ll be there, I just want to tell you since you’re her parent too.” You continued, unaware of the thoughts in his head.
This kitchen. 
He felt nauseous watching you stand there, leaning on the counter like you did when you had your big fight. He thinks this sensitivity stems from all that has happened to him and your family.
“What do you think? You can meet him before we go—” You explained but he just stood there, shaking his head as he licked his lips. “I don’t know. I mean, I know you won’t let anything happen to her but
” He inhaled sharply, should he admit that he was jealous? You wait for him to finish talking but he doesn’t know what else to say.
“Is he
Are you guys getting serious?” He tried to smile genuinely. “Ah
” Sighing, he continued, “I guess I was just being
overprotective. Sure, y-you can take her. I mean, I’m sure he’s a good guy if he—” Straightening up, you crossed your arms, perplexed. “Satoru, what’s going on? What are you thinking?” He can’t give a reason. He just bit his lip.
“N-nothing.” His eyes feel heavy, he just wants to sleep. He starting to feel
defeated. “I just got a bit
I guess protective because a
a new person is gonna be around my child but,” He nodded awkwardly, desperate to convince you and hide his feelings, “It’s alright. You’re with her. Yeah, it’s okay.” He was about to bid goodbye, but your curious eyes froze him in place. 
“Alright,” A sigh of relief escaped his mouth despite not really feeling relieved. “Why don’t you eat with me? I bought something on our way home. Take it as a thanks for babysitting even when it’s not your schedule.” You joked, getting the plates. As much as Satoru wants to sleep his heartache off, how could he reject the smile on your face?
He can’t even remember the last time you ate together. Just the two of you. Looking at you now, he can’t help but wonder if this will be the last time too. If you fall for that guy, this could be the last time he’ll see this; the glow on your face as you share your thoughts with him. In the midst of it, Satoru can’t help but feel sentimental.
“None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t done all that shit. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to atone, but I’ll sell my soul just to take a quarter of the pain off your mind.” You paused, processing his words. You remember all the times you felt irked while experiencing something fun, knowing it could’ve been the three of you if it wasn’t for what happened.
But you’re teaching yourself to create space for something good by letting go of the bad.
“Why did you do those things? Did you
did you want to get rid of me so bad back then?” You chuckled bitterly, suddenly feeling vulnerable, but he quickly answered. “No, Y/N. I never wanted to get rid of you. I was just
” Inhaling deeply, he looked you in the eyes. “I was desperate to run away from the problems I created in our relationship.”
“I thought distancing myself from you might help me move forward, but
” He licked his lower lip, shaking his head. 
But you can’t really create distance when it comes to someone you love, no matter how far apart you physically are. 
“Seeing Toji was the last straw. I knew I had to do something then, and I felt even dumber for letting it get to that point before listening to myself.” You looked down at the mention of your dear friend.
“I know how much you hate it, but
Y/N, I’m sorry. So many things went downhill in your life, and I took part in all of it. I can never do enough to fix it.” His voice weakened with every word. “You gave me the best thing, too.” You spoke, and his eyes lit up a bit, but not enough to mask his sorrow. 
You nodded toward your child’s room. “Satoru, it’s hard to just forget. I’ve said this countless times. But for that tiny human,” A small smile played on your lips, “For that little girl, we have to put things behind us. I don’t want her to grow up surrounded by the negative things of the past.” You leaned back in your chair, understanding that at times like this, you have to be positive. 
Satoru had been through things, too, and you wouldn’t invalidate that.
“Did you learn from your mistakes?” You asked him, standing up to grab a bottle of water. “I did, Y/N. I promise. I know it’s not much, but I try, and I will continue trying for you, for Yui.” You only realize now that you hadn’t really talked about it so thoroughly. Why? Probably because it scared you. But you can't live in fear forever.
However, the conversation brought you back to when you first saw him and Naomi. You tried hard to stop your emotions from taking over. Your face slowly drops at the memory. You remembered how you trusted his words, and how he went back on them.
“Why did you decide you didn’t want to try with me anymore that time?” Your throat started to constrict. Your chest suddenly felt too cramped up for your beating heart. Perhaps if you chose to spill out your unanswered questions earlier, it wouldn’t feel so hard right now. 
“I was a coward. I was too afraid to face our problems with you, so I thought it was better to cling to the freedom I felt with Naomi.” Stretching his legs out, he glanced at you. You can’t help but think that if only you had been open and talked it out before, instead of pushing each other away, things would’ve been better.
But of course, there’s always the threat of his beloved mother.
“Then, my mom introduced Naomi to me. She was there, she took care of Yui with me. She didn’t pull away from me, even when all I talked about were my problems. She didn’t make me feel alone.” He paused. The silence was deafening. You hated that all that you could hear was your heartbeat.
“That time
it was what I needed. But that’s definitely not what I wanted.” He looked up at the kitchen light, recollecting the feelings and thoughts he used to have. “I wanted myself to believe that. I made myself believe that I’m better off without you. For a little while, I did. She gave me a sense of tranquility, something we never had in a while then.” The peace. 
You didn’t think it would still hurt to hear him talk about her like she’s his savior but you found yourself looking down, sighing. “The quiet was nice, right?” You felt bitter suddenly. “Is that why it took a whole new guy coming into our lives for you to stand up and get your family?” You looked at him, feeling bad that you were having these thoughts for something gone. 
You don’t like to dwell on things so much but, maybe after all this time you still hate to think that some other girl was at your place. 
“It’s not quiet when I got you on my mind.” He murmured, your breath hitched. “Weeks after we fought in this kitchen, I couldn’t dream of anything else but your face, your voice.” He closed his eyes, eyebrows furrowed like he was in pain. “I could’ve sworn that if I heard your voice calling out my name, I would’ve given it all up.” You gulped your water, recalling how crushed you felt that time.
“Y/N
why did you pull away from me? I was scared shitless every time you’d say you’d find someone better because I know damn well there’s a lot.” He laughed unenthusiastically. The breath you took was harsh on your throat. It felt like it was slicing your neck from the inside. 
“I didn’t know how else to protect myself, Satoru.” You sniffed, reminding yourself that this one conversation could change so much between you and Satoru. “I didn’t know how else to protect myself from the pain, from your mom.” Something flashed in Satoru’s eyes at the mention of his mother. He’s hurt but you know that he longs to talk to her. It was still his mother, after all.
“I failed to stand up for you because I was too focused on pleasing my mom. I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect us from her.” Satoru knew that if he only believed in you a little more, the damage in your relationship wouldn’t have gotten so big. “I didn’t realize that she was already dictating my life to the point where she got me to leave my family without even knowing it.” 
Slowly taking your hand in his, he rubbed your skin with his thumb. By how shallow his breathing was, you can tell that this conversation was slowly breaking Satoru into tinier pieces. Holding your hand was probably the only thing that could keep him from falling apart right now, so you let him. 
Feeling his touch, you wondered if this was how gentle he was to Naomi.  You can’t help but think
what if he’s way gentler with her? Before you knew it, you were already speaking out your most kept thoughts; the softest, most tortured part of your heart was exposed.
“For many nights, I stayed up crying, wondering how you could so easily protect Naomi at the expense of my feelings.” You watched as his finger stopped moving on the back of your hand. “I remember wanting to know what she had that made you the man I always wanted you to be.” Tears started to pool in your eyes again, but you refused to look at him. 
Knowing about what happened to them, you were convinced that Naomi was also a victim of Satoru’s mother. She was a victim of her love towards Satoru, and that love was taken advantage of by Satoru’s mother. But other than that, you can’t help but think about how she used to be such a wonder to Satoru that he fell for her so easily. 
You watched Satoru wordlessly move out of his chair to kneel before you, kissing your hands. His whispered apologies spoke volumes. “You’re never any less, Y/N. Please, don’t think like that.” But you made her feel like that. He wished he could find the right words to say. But he thinks that no amount of apology could erase the scars he painted on your heart.
“I wanted to be better. But I'll forever regret everything I did just to satisfy her even when I knew it was hurting you.” His breaths were shaky, rough. “I wanted to be the man you wanted me to be. And just because I did it for her doesn’t mean I didn’t want to do it for you. Y/N, more than anyone, I wanted to be better for you first.” He knows that there will never be enough words to comfort your ache. But Satoru’s willing to prove it to you.
“I thought improving myself for her would make me feel better about our broken relationship. I was selfish, Y/N. I’m sorry.” You quickly wiped your tears away, sighing at how the heavy feeling in your chest seemed to slowly vanish after being uncaged. “Did it? You were going to marry her.” You weren’t mocking him at all. But it kills you to think that he loved her enough to want to marry her.
“At one point, I did. I used to think taking things further with her would pull me farther away from you. But it didn’t because if it did, I wouldn’t break so easily at the sight of you being with someone else.” Silence follows, and you can only smile and nod. Words alone still feel hard to believe. That’s why you've opted for a co-parenting setup with him—for now, you're letting his actions speak for themselves.
The night stretched on as your questions found answers, regrets were voiced, and what-ifs were shared. The conversation was bittersweet, a plea to undo mistakes and lessen the depth of wounds. The answers served as stitches and bandages to the injuries made.
That night, both of you hoped for a brighter tomorrow and lighter hearts in the days ahead.
_________________________________
Three years ago, you wouldn’t have seen yourself in an unfamiliar town, living in a small apartment with your mother and working as a waitress in a small restaurant. It was a tough adjustment for the kid but you’re getting there. She still asks for her father now and then, but you can’t give anything but a simple “Not now. He’s working” 
Will they ever meet again? Will you ever see him again? It doesn’t matter if he won’t come for you. You will live. For yourself. For Yui. You walked home with your head down, clutching your bag as you entered a small convenience store to grab some bread. You stared at a pack of candy on one of the shelves, allowing the buried memories to play in your mind.
—FLASHBACK—
“So, you’re good with her father now?” Your friend asked you as you pushed Yui’s bike. The theme park was packed with people and Yui couldn’t be more distracted and excited. “Yeah, I guess. We talked about a lot of things. We needed that.” You sighed, pursing your lips. 
“I'm still hesitant about trying again with him. With what happened between us, it’s still hard for me to just decide that.” Albeit unaware of your entire past with Satoru, your friend tried to be understanding, and you truly appreciated that. 
Seeing a row of empty chairs, you decided to sit down, and just as you were about to speak to your friend again, Yui got up and cheered for the coming cart, “Mama! Clouds, pwease!” You stood up as she pointed to it, dropping the toy Satoru got her. The toy quickly rolled down the pathway to the direction of the cart which had to stop by a group of kids and parents.
“Oh, shoot!” Your friend didn’t even have time to get it for you. You beat him to it, running after the toy which luckily bumped into a potted plant near the cart. You picked it up, panting as you looked back at them. Your friend was standing up, ready to go to you but you waved the toy at him, pointing at the cart to imply that you could get it yourself.
It was getting a bit crowded from the buyers so you signaled him to stay there with Yui, not wanting to involve her in any possible accidents. Thankfully, the vendor was skilled, and soon enough, you were returning to your daughter with a pink ball of cotton candy. “You moved so fast. I could’ve gotten it for you.” Your friend laughed, shaking his head in amusement.
“I guess it’s because I got used to it. When Satoru can’t be around to help, it’s all on me so
” You shrugged, only realizing that when it comes to Yui, you’d rather let yourself do all the work instead of relying on others. But that changes little by little now that Satoru’s around more. The day flew by, turning out to be more about Yui's outing than a friendly date.
You quickly checked your phone after your friend dropped you off. ‘Can I come over when you’re home?’ It was Satoru. Your brows furrowed at how serious he seemed. His texts usually carry a hint of sweetness, but this time, it was just a plain old text. ‘We’re home.’ You quickly replied and not even 15 minutes later, he was already at your house.
“Where’s Yui?” You looked at him standing at the door, waiting until you signed for him to come in. He was always like that, and while you appreciated it, you found the awkwardness somewhat amusing. "She fell asleep. Have you had snacks—" You were about to ask him, but he cut in abruptly, his tone serious.
“Y/N, can I ask you about something?” You felt nervous all of a sudden. He looked at you before reluctantly sitting down on the couch. You joined him when he pulled out his phone, scrolling for something. “Please, don’t take this the wrong way. I just want to know what happened here,” 
Your eyes widened, staring at the photo of Yui with your friend at the park earlier. It only captured half of the cart, blurred in the background. “Where were you? Look, my daughter’s alone with a
 basically, a stranger to her—” You interrupted, heart racing in your chest, “Why do you have that? Did you get someone to follow us?” He sighed, remaining composed.
“No. Now, please just answer me first.” You learned the hard way about fights and now you just want to stay calm because this is certainly a misunderstanding. “I went after her toy that rolled down, and I bought cotton candy for her.” You reached out to zoom in on the pic, cursing out the way it was taken. What matters is that the cotton candy cart can be recognized.
“I know it’s blurry but I’m here, I even have a photo of Yui with a cotton candy if you want to—” Satoru shook his head, sighing exasperatedly. “Y/N, you left our daughter with a man. You barely know this guy, he’s a newbie in your work and now you
” Rubbing a hand over his face, Satoru looked at you with disappointment but still soft nonetheless. 
“You could’ve let him get that toy for Yui if he was such a man, made him buy in that crowded place for you.” You stayed silent, understanding where he’s coming from but the fact that he has this photo is setting you off. 
“He was about to. But I beat him to it because it’s always been like that for me.” You tried to explain before continuing, “Who sent you that, Satoru?” Satoru stared at you, contemplating. 
“My mom came to my house.” Now you know why he was in such a state. You bit your lip, wanting to cry out of frustration. Her restraining order lasted six months. You know there’s no way you could tear Satoru’s mother away from his life but you just want him to stop being tied to her apron strings.
He told you about how his mother came to him a few hours ago. He initially told her he was not yet ready to talk to her again, but was intrigued when she said she ran into Yui and a man at the park. 
“Were you following them?” He didn’t try hiding his accusatory gaze. “No, son! Believe me, I was just afraid that Y/N would panic if she saw me. But I saw her leave Yui with this man.” She looked so different from before. Satoru almost wanted to cry to her despite the pain she caused him, ask her why she did that. But he has to be tough. 
“You may go, Mom. I will talk to Y/N about it.” He attempted to close the gate but she kept getting closer to him, “When will I see my granddaughter? I miss her so much. And you, my Son
” Her teary eyes were still too much for Satoru, he looked away shaking his head. “I don’t know. Not now.” With that, he closed the door. 
“I don’t want you to think that I’m just simply buying her words, that’s why I came here to talk to you,” Satoru reassured you, “I know you didn’t mean to leave Yui like that but please, just
” Before he could even finish, you already answered, kind of relieved that this didn’t end with the slamming of doors again. “I know, I just got used to doing stuff for her myself. I’m sorry.” With that, the misunderstanding was cleared.
You didn’t think this would be followed by a string of events that would once again mess up your slowly glowing life. “Why are you here?” Your phone was in your hand as you blocked the door, your fingers found the emergency dial and immediately called Satoru. “I just want to see my Yui. I know I messed up Y/N, I just want to see my only grandkid.” You just can’t bring yourself to let her in.
“Satoru
can you come over? Right now. Your mother’s here.” You can hear his heavy sigh from the other end, “Don’t let her in. Wait for me.” And just as Satoru arrived his mother cried on his chest. “Son, I know I did wrong things but how can you treat me like I would harm your child?” Satoru’s hold on her arm was gentle but firm. 
Holding her to his chest as she breaks down, she looks at you with eyes that bear his agony. You can’t blame him for that’s his mother. But you’re desire to protect your child was greater. “I will only allow it for a few minutes, Satoru.” You wiped Yui’s face, peeking at the door to see his mother sitting on a monoblock chair with her head down.
“I know. I understand and I’m sorry. Sit with us if that would make you feel more at ease about this. I’m here, Y/N.” Hearing this from Satoru calmed you a bit, but it didn’t take away your worries. You just prayed that this would end soon. 
The last straw was the humiliation she caused you in front of your friends and strangers at a cafe. You were caught off guard and were almost torn down again but you stood your ground. 
“You dare leave your daughter at home just to mingle around? Y/N, what kind of a mother are you?” Your friends attempted to break it off, trying everything they could just to get his mother off your back. You should’ve just called the police that day. 
“What do you know about being a mother when you set up your own son for assault?!” You answered back, garnering whispers from strangers. “This is not about me! This is about you leaving your daughter just to fuck around!” It was only a matter of time before the guards dragged the two of you out of the cafe. 
“Out of all the days, she really chose the time when Satoru’s overseas for work!” You cried, fixing your hair on the way home. “You gotta protect yourself and Yui from that woman, Y/N.” Your friends looked at you with concern. That woman brings nothing but misfortune to you and your life. 
The moment you got home,  you called Satoru immediately. “I’m filing a case whether you like it or not, Satoru. I’m tired of this.” You cried, “I know, Y/N. I’m so sorry but please just wait for me to get back. I’ll help you when I’m back, I promise.” You couldn’t go out for a few days after that, it also took everything to stop your mother from committing a crime. 
And now, just a week after that, you almost lost your reason for living. 
You had to get another set of utensils after Yui dropped hers. When you returned, you saw her walking out of the cafe’s door. Satoru’s mother held the door open, using a pack of candy to lure the child out.
You’ve never run so fast in your life. You fought with all your might but she beat you to it, carrying Yui and attempting to take her away. “If you weren’t in our lives, Satoru would’ve been fine!” She screamed at you, pulling at the crying kid. You were so terrified and angry that you started to shake. You chose to scream for help rather than answer back, afraid that you’d lose your baby.
When people started rushing towards you, she immediately took off. You didn’t bother to see if she was captured, you just ran, desperate to save your child. After calling your mom, you’ve made your decision. You attempted to call Satoru but he was unreachable. You tried to understand that he was working and he didn’t even know this was happening. 
And when he finds out, he’d probably only try to hold you back and you don’t think you can do that. You can’t be in a place where your daughter’s unsafe. You knew you had to leave. Your daughter’s cries tell you that you have to leave. The scratches in her arms tell you that you have to leave. And that’s what you did, albeit without a clear place in mind. 
You left with your mother and that’s all Satoru knows too. 
Going home from his trip, Satoru didn’t even go back to his house. He went straight to yours and as if his fears came to life, you weren’t there. He tried calling you but it doesn’t even ring. He looked everywhere, asked around, and even went to Toji’s to beg him but he didn’t know too. His nightmare came true and the beat of his heart felt like it was slowing down with each day that passed without news about you.
All he knows is that the last time you were here, Yui almost got kidnapped by her own grandmother. 
He knows how protective you are of Yui. No wonder you disappeared. Satoru partially blames himself for not coming home when you called him crying. You probably thought he would put you off again. You probably thought he’d choose his mother again and honestly, he can’t blame you after all that he’s done in the past.
Satoru was broken, and the love he used to have for his mother turned into disgust and hate. His father helped him with his mother’s case. She was sent to jail after witnesses including your friends testified. His sleepless nights were endless. His search for his family was ceaseless too.
-END OF FLASHBACK-
Three years have passed since that, and you promised yourself that you would only believe that you and Satoru are meant to be together if he found you. If he didn’t, then maybe it’s better to let it go. After everything, you just can’t help but feel like the heavens are intentionally trying to separate the two of you.
But here you are, proven wrong when you bumped into a white-haired guy with tired blue eyes as you exited the store.
“Y/N?”
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Sundered Masterlist
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malereadermaniac · 5 months ago
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Boyfriend(s) ~ Bakugo x Male Reader
Both you and Bakugo are in the same class at UA - aged up to be in your 20's Inspired by boyfriend - Ariana Grande word count: 1.4k m!reader (no genitalia mentioned) / FDNI Mostly sfw with reference to nsfw
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'Cause I know we be so complicated, But we be so smitten, it's crazy...
It was obvious to everyone that the two of you were literally wrapped around each other's pinky fingers, but no-one understood why you two wouldn't just get together already!
Katsuki was very evidently nicer to you than to others, holding himself back from insulting you and preferring to tease you instead. He'd also clearly go out of his way to ensure that the two of your 'randomly' ended up spending time together; whether that be by making sure you two were partnered up for training or by hanging out in room you like to spend time in
He really likes you. Katsuki can't put a finger on why, maybe it's the way you manage to keep up with him in training, or the way that you hold his face so softly to look up at you as you clean his face with a damp cloth after he gets roughed-up; either way, the man lives to be near to you
On the other hand, you were also clearly infatuated with the blonde, 'sneaking' looks at him whenever you could and always rambling about your aggressive classmate to your friends
The clear infatuation with each other didn't entirely make your relationship perfect though, as Katsuki's way of dealing with his emotions is anything but healthy; which has resulted in pleanty of little fights between the two of you, but none that weren't fixed with a little hate-sex
Your relationship with the man is complicated to say the least, but fuck you two can't deny that even just being in each other's presence doesn't up your heart rates
You ain't my boyfriend, And I ain't your boyfriend...
What people didn't know though, was that you and Katsuki were already acting on those obvious feelings - just not all the way!
As already mentioned the two of you go crazy in the sheets after an argument, but also just after spending more than half an hour together (usually because your touches on Bakugo resulting in him popping a boner)
But it doesn't go any further than that.
Sure, you and the blonde would spend entire nights - staying up past Katsuki's strict sleep schedule - just to make out in each other's arms, or fuck feverishly as you mark each other and kiss; but that was as far as your relationship really went
The muscular man hadn't sorted through his feelings enough to ask you out, and you were too scared to in case you and the explosive man were nothing more than sex for each other
But the two of you were happy for now, sleeping with your limbs intertwined, sharing passionate kisses and spending time together whenever you could really
all that was missing was the label of 'boyfriends', and you could live with that
But god damn did Katsuki catch himself fantasising a little too much about taking you out on dates, PDA with you, or even marrying you! He was absolutely smitten, you were the first thing he'd think about after waking up and the last thing he thought about as he went to sleep
And even though you two weren't dating, you could still feel the blonde try
Random gifts turning up on your desk with vaguely familiar handwriting, his muscular arm just a little tighter around your waist as his spoons you to sleep, and hand-holding when he was absolutely sure no-one was watching
But you don't want me to see nobody else, And I don't want you to see nobody
Now, while the two of you were missing the label, that doesn't mean that Katsuki didn't treat your relationship as exclusive... Which, knowing the blonde's temper, has lead to plenty of jealousy issues and ugly scenarios
It really didn't help that you were one of the most good looking guys at UA; you had the eyes of many guys and girls from all years on you!
Anytime the blonde would see someone try to chat you up or even confess to you, he would light up - literally, the man would start to sweat and his palms would start to combust
But figuratively, Katsuki would explode in anger; which would either lead to some really great angry sex, or the man would storm up to the person you're talking to, which never ended well...
The man has been lectured by so many teachers for starting quirk-fights in the middle of the day just for seeing a guy talk to you - his argument saying that he could 'see them undress you in their mind'
But when Katsuki feels less challenged by whoever is hitting on you (which is usually either a girl or Deku), he will just interrupt with an arm slinged round your shoulder and an evil lookin smirk on his sexy face
What makes up for the muscular blonde's jealous outbursts is how he talks to you after; getting you up against a wall or below him on the bed, your cheek in his rough palm as Katsuki either looks down at you or kisses your neck whilst mumbling about how 'your his' and how 'they don't deserve you' - damn it he was so sexy like this!
Oh and just because Katsuki gets jealous that doesn't mean that you don't too!
Anytime you'd see a girl hit on the hero you would sour in your mood; resulting in Katsuki having to pry out why you were mad at him, which ends up giving the blonde an ego boost when he hears you got jealous
Or sometimes you do intervene, sliding an arm around the man's slutty, muscular waist and interrupting whoever was talking with an 'Katsuuu... I'm bored, wanna go back to my room?' - that usually shuts up whoever was talking to him
You're also quite fond of marking your attractive classmate, leaving hickey's on his neck, lovebites on his huge shoulder's and plenty of scratch marks down his muscular back
And that goes for Bakugo too, the man gets so turned on when he sees the pretty purple marks which litter your neck and body - his possessive side getting stroked so nicely
Even though you ain't mine, I promise the way we fight make me honestly feel like we just in love
Back to your kinda common fights with the man, they're usually triggered by one of two things: Katsuki being a dick, or you not giving him enough attention (Katsuki being a dick)
If you catch the blonde giving anyone a hard time (especially Deku) you will tell him to shut up and then go OFF on him once the two of you are alone
This always ends up in a shouting match between you two, Katsuki's argument usually being 'oh so you give a shit about them??' and your counter argument being 'yes i have basic empathy'
These arguments almost always end up in make-up sex after Katsuki crawls back to you with an apology - and you have seen improvements in his behaviour! Less snide comments to others and more playful banter, almost as if Bakugo cares about your opinions and views
It's hard to distinguish those fights from the other kind - as both usually result from Bakugo being a dick
But, if Katsuki is being a dick to you, that's when you know that he's upset at you for not 'being with him enough'
The blonde wants to seem as anything BUT clingy, but in reality, if he could morph his body into yours to constantly feel you, he would.
If you haven't flashed the muscular man a smile within the first five minuets of seeing him, or if you haven't bushed the back of your hand against his that day, or you haven't looked away and giggled when his eyes catch yours - Katsuki takes that as you loosing interest in him, which he doesn't take lightly
In turn, the blonde will start to throw insults he saves for others your way instead! Or he'd choose to ignore you (which would fail horrendously as Katsuki can't keep his damn eyes off of you)
Either way, it would end in a small argument between the two of you, where the blonde would absolutely refuse to admit that he felt you weren't giving him enough attention
Steamy make-outs and sex always followed though, after you assure the insecure man that you were thinking about him and always want to be near him
Sure doesn't sound like two guys who "AREN'T DATING" if you ask me!
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squishytenya · 8 months ago
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Hey Do you remeber your Tenya and Aizawa ask, with y/n Crying? What about some of the other casts like Katsuki or Ejiro?
if you dont mind please and thank you
They Make You Cry Headcanons
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I lowkey had to search my own blog for this but I found it! thanks for the request <3
Pairings - Bakugou x gn!reader, Kirishima x gn!reader + Kaminari x gn!reader
Warnings - arguments, cursing, crying
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Katsuki Bakugou
â–čpart of being in a relationship with Katsuki is dealing with his harsh personality. Even if he does calm down the older he gets, it's still probably not to the same extent of a normal human being.
â–čhe probably would be completely speechless the moment you started crying after an argument - straight up would not know how to respond to that.
â–čhis eyes would go wide and he would go to take a step towards you and then bring himself back, holding his arm to himself.
â–č"hey... don't do that"
â–čfor all his faults Katsuki is, deep inside, a good person and he knows this is the kind of shit you lose relationships from and he really really doesn't want to lose you.
â–č but he does know he can be a bit much and he probably takes a while to come down from whatever he's feeling so he just kinda leaves for a few minutes
â–č he comes back with a cup of tea and perches gently on the bed next to you, avoiding eye contact
â–čhe would do his best to spit out an apology, but it's not something that would come naturally to him. Seeing your face crumple like it did is still replaying in his mind and he knows he has to fix this somehow - so he does his best to explain himself
â–čeventually he would just stop rambling and take your hand in his, squeezing it gently.
â–č"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that to you"
â–č he'd just sit by you, hand in his until you were ready to talk to him and talk over what had led to the argument in the first place and he really does take your words to heart about what upset you
â–čhe'd try to cut down on raising his voice and try to cut out teasing nicknames entirely, unless he knew you were okay with them already
â–ča sweet guy really
Eijirou Kirishima
â–čI cannot see Kiri upsetting you on purpose, even during an argument he isn't the type to yell or get super angry with you
â–čhim making you cry is most likely a complete accident on his part, or even him accidentally playing into an insecurity you have without properly thinking about it
â–čwhen your relationship first started out, I think he probably didn't understand you might not be comfortable with the things he's comfortable with, especially during social situations
â–č also probably doesn't understand others might read his kindness as flirting, so when you two are invited to a hero party to socialise and he pretty much ignored you the whole night, he had no idea why you began tearing up on the way home
â–čobviously, he's worried about why you're crying and what he did! and how he can fix it is at the forefront of his mind almost immediately after noticing
â–čand when you explain it to him, he pretty much crumbles straight away - he is in disbelief that he made you feel that way
â–čhe falls over himself explaining that he didn't mean to make you feel that way, he was just overwhelmed by the pressure of hero society and got caught up
â–čKiri is very good at admitting when he is wrong, and puts a lot of effort into having healthy communication in his relationships - platonic or otherwise
â–čpulls over the car literally just so he can hold both of your hands in his and make eye contact as he explains his actions, specifically so you understand he's being genuine
â–č"I'd never do that to you on purpose, you're the most important person to me"
â–čafter your sniffles have subsided, he pulls you into a hug and promises never to do something like that again - and you bet he keeps his promise!!!
â–čtakes you to get food too, just as an extra apology and you sit in the car park eating ice cream together - he makes sure you're the center of his attention the entire time <3
Denki Kaminari
â–čoh he's so stupid. he's so lovely, but so, so stupid.
â–čhonestly he probably says something insanely embarrassing in front of your friends and pays no attention to how that might make you feel, especially if you're close to these people
â–čdoesn't even notice when the room goes completely silent and nobody is talking but him, it takes one of his friends clearing their throat for him to notice your eyes filling with tears
â–čin his defense, he does try to explain himself straight away and takes you into another room to have the conversation (at the very least) but it takes a little bit more explaining to him why his actions would upset you
â–čdoesn't really get it at first but you explaining, and your face as you cry, makes his heart hurt and he tries to rectify his actions as soon as he can
â–čthe first thing he thinks to do in that moment is bundle you up in his arms and rock the both of you back and forth to calm you down, which works a little more than you'd like to admit
â–čruns his hands over your back, up and down, until your breathing evens out - does not give a shit about anyone outside of you two in that moment
â–čonce you've stopped crying, full on apology - hands and knees!
â–čhe seems genuinely heartbroken to have embarrassed you and takes full responsibility for what he did
â–č kicks everyone else out of the house and spends the rest of the evening making it up to you and reminding you of how important you are to him and just how sorry he is
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I hope these were good! I haven't written in ages so this'll be the first comeback headcanons, hope you guys enjoyed it <3
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samkerrworshipper · 7 months ago
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beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl
leah williamson x reader, jordan nobbs x reader (wobbs as coparents)
reconciliation 
 the final part in this series x
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2 months later:
“My name is y/n Williamson-Nobbs, and I am an addict.”
There are things you appreciate nowadays, more then you did before. Fresh air, the flowers blooming in spring, a strong coffee, smiles from strangers, a warm bed, hugs, being told you are enough, a classic movie, the sun, fruit, water, being clean.
“I didn’t ever take drugs to hurt anybody, or hurt anybody knowingly. I didn’t take drugs to have fun, or party, I didn’t get addicted because I liked it.”
You like taking your dog on walks, going and getting your hair done, floating in the ocean, lying in grass, being sober.
“I took drugs because it made me feel whole. I’ve never felt whole in my entire life, everyday in my life I’ve used something to patch that hole up, during my childhood I tried to fix every single problem, I fixed myself by fixing everybody else in my life, my mom, my non existent dad. As I got older it changed, I seeked validation to patch the hole, it was healthy, but I think I’ve always been an addict and I always will be. I’ve been addicted to filling that hole, it was disguised as being healthy for most of my life until I switched the validation for drugs.”
You don’t avoid peoples eye contact as you walk along the street anymore, you don’t avoid your moms, you don’t lie to people anymore, you don’t put yourself in danger.
“It started with nicotine, because my mom enabled it. I think she was more scared for me then anything. I was spiralling, who wouldn’t be in this day and age? I mean any parent of a teen must be terrified in this day and age, I know I would be. The nicotine was good, but then I got introduced to weed, and it felt like every problem I’ve ever had was fixed.”
You talk about your feelings now, you identify every single thing that you feel and you talk about it with as much detail as your moms and therapist want to hear. You don’t study the different chemicals entering your body every time you shoot up anymore, you study the intricacy and meaning of what you are going through. You take medicine for your depression and anxiety, not drugs for your hopelessness.
“They say weed is the pipeline drug, it’s true. After weed, I felt on top of the world and there was no stopping me. Molly, LSD, coke, heroin, benzos, fentanyl, ketamine, oxy, speed, and eventually meth, which I now know to be the worst of all of them. I didn’t know it at the time, there wasn’t anybody in my life, or in the life I’d created forn myself that was willing to tell me how dangerous what I was doing was.”
Jordan moved back in, whilst you were in rehab. It had been two weeks, that’s what you agreed to. It was the worst two weeks of your life without any doubt. But when you were picked up, both your moms were there, both of them were there for you. They both took time off, time off to take you away, across to France for a week.
“Meth will always be the thing that destroyed my life. My parents don’t trust me anymore, I get why. I lashed out, I became devoid of everything, I was convinced that everybody hated me, and that I was the cause of everybody’s pain, including my own. I convinced myself that the people who loved me the very most didn’t, and that I was the bomb that had torn all of my relationships in my life apart. I was a kid though, I still am, and I’m trying to be better.”
The trust was a hard thing. Your therapist saw Leah and Jordan twice a week, and that was when they would discuss the things that they could start reintroducing you to. School was a no, for now. You were yet to be permitted to stay at the house, alone, for longer then an hour, so every training session, gym session, appointment, media duty, catch up with friends, you were dragged to. It had been tough in the beginning, but you understood, trust had to be earnt. Every week there was something to look forward to, Jordan had been teaching you to drive after you’d gotten out of rehab, and as of a week ago you were permitted to drive yourself to and from your NA meetings.
“Meth made me feel like I was on top of the world, even though i was at my rock bottom. I had bad friends, I fell into a bad group of people, people who took advantage of the fact that I was so vulnerable and hurt. I’ll never forgive them for that, I’ll never be able to forgive them for taking advantage of a girl nearly ten years younger then them. They were hurting too, but that doesn’t excuse manipulating another person. They hurt me, they enabled me, they assaulted me, they took things from me that I’ll never get back.”
The first thing your mothers had wanted when after you’d come clean to them about everything was for you to get a rape kit. You’d outright refused, you were protecting the people, you didn’t want to relive what had happened to you but also a part of you didn’t want Matt and Maya to go down, even if you could now recognise that they’d done unforgivable things to you. Eventually, you agreed to it. You were glad you did, Matt had passed on chlamydia to you, which you thought was some kind of sick joke, that even after he’d deserted you there was still parts of him that were hurting you from the insides. Karma came in the form of a sexual assault report, one which had the policemen heading to his home to arresst him, only to finds thousands of dollars worth of illicit substances.
“I’m not proud of what I did to get a fix, I don’t think any recovering addict is. A couple of months ago I would have ruined every single relationship I had with all of the people I loved just to get a hit of what I was craving, and nowadays I would probably do the same, but I don’t need to. Meth was the love of my life, I think it always will be, or maybe the craving for something to fill me up is what I crave, I don’t really know, I’m still working everyday to try and figure that out.”
Sometimes, as you drove home at night, around every corner towards the house, you considered taking a stop at a side street, one that you knew a dealer would be sitting on. Somedays, you considered driving the car off of the highway and into a tree. Somedays, you considered taking a blade to your throat so you didn’t have to do rehab. Somedays though, you felt so incredibly blessed to be alive. Sometimes, you would sit outside, in the sun and just feel, allow yourself to feel everything that you’d always pushed down out of fear that you’d be deserted if you let any true emotion show.
“We’re all human, we all have the same dignity, no matter who we are. I made some stupid choices, choices that I won’t ever be able to reckon with, choices that for the rest of my life will haunt me. Don’t we all though? Don’t we all lie awake at night worrying about the things that we’ve done, that are out of our control now?”
You’d come to not fear desertion, the people who you’d hated most in the world but also loved most in the world had deserted you. Your parents had deserted you, you closest friends, people you would have considered your found family, deserted you. It was something you had no control over, something that you would never have control over and focusing all of your energy on trying to fix that had become something that you’d give up on.
“I’m not perfect, I never have been, I never will be. I can guarantee though that nobody in this room feels like they are perfect. We’re all hurt people, everybody has something that they keep hidden from people because they are scared that somehow it is going to make people see them differently. I’m guilty of it, my whole life i’ve been hiding, I still am. I’m not ashamed to admit that coming here every night terrifies me, that somebody I’ve known at some stage of my life will walk through the same doors I do and I’ll be put face to face with that, but it’s life. We all make our own mistakes, we all pave our own ways.”
Leah and Jordan still fought, you were secretly glad. It was clear that everything between them was done, which you hated to be happy about, You weren’t ready for that to be back to normal, you weren’t ready to feel like you were able to go back to the way life was when they were together. Lia mediated them, she balanced everything out and the two of you had managed to build a relationship. She was like the older sister you’d never had and you were happier to have her around knowing that she was happy to support you in the same way your moms would, even if she wasn’t living in the same house as you all anymore.
“I will never be able to properly apologise for how I acted, I’ll never be able to repay the people that found me at my lowest and still showed uo for me. I owe my life to those people, and I will spend every single day of my life being so thankful for the opportunity they have given me to have a second chance.”
Life was better, everything was better, you were recovering, you were learning. You felt more connected and loved by the people around you in your whole life. You didn’t feel like you had to seek out love anymore, you didn’t feel like you had to do something to earn it. Leah spent every minute of everyday doing small things to make you feel loved, dragging you out of the house to get coffee with her, reading with you every night before bed, sitting through you when the cravings were making your day harder, driving you to the beach when you felt like you needed fresh air, dragging you to physio appointments so you could hang out with your aunties, buying you fresh flowers to put in your room to make the dark memories of it a little bit nicer, helping you redecorate the space, letting you sleep in her bed when the tendencies started to burn all over your skin.
“I have a disease, I have a terminal illness that will forever impair my ability to live life normally. I will forever be attached to my past, and that’s really tough, I won’t ever be cured of my past, I won’t ever be able to say that I am free of my addiction, I will forever be tied to my decisions.”
Your therapist was helping you weed out all the bad, helping you to identify the different patterns of self destructive behaviour that you chose, helping you to make better decisions for yourself, decisions that didn’t end in you destroying everything you’d worked for.
“I’m an addict, we all are, we all know what it feels like to be plagued with our past. We all get up here every week and speak about our demons, because we all get it. We get what it feels like to lose everything, we all understand the terror that crosses over a persons face when you overdose, or tell them that you’re using, or when they wake up across from your hospital bed. We’re all going through our own shit, we’re all struggling everyday. I struggle everyday, because I’m an addict, for the rest of my life I will struggle because I’m an addict, but there isn’t anybody who understands me better than all of you. I’ve been sober for two months, there have been relapses, there have been struggles, there has been pain and so much for me to be ashamed of. There has been so many positives though, there has been so much good, so much happiness, so many good moments. I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason, there is too much bad in this world for me to believe in that, but I do believe that this experience has made me a better person, it’s made me stronger, its made me more resilient. The past two months have been some of the best parts of my life, and i intend for the rest of my life to be the same. This chip means a lot to me, but it’s the progress that makes all of this better, knowing that I’ve left parts of me behind that will now stay behind me forever.”
You looked down at the chip in your hands, the little bronzey coin that was so small but felt like it was bigger then the world to you. You smiled at the group of people around you, nodding your head once again before walking towards you sponsor and giving them a hug. It felt good, like a big weight had been lifted from your shoulders. You’d never spoken much in meetings, you were more than happy to hear other peoples stories, but tonight had been special to you. You’d thought about what you were going to say, much of it being what you’d talked about with your moms earlier in the week during family therapy. It had been hard, talking to your moms so openly about how you felt, but it was something you were becoming better at as the days passed.
You stayed around for the coffee and biscuits, talking with the people that you’d grown close to over the past month and a half in the mildewy church which smelt a little bit too similar to your great grandmothers living room.
You stuck around until the first few people started to trail out, before you made the decision it was time to get home. You said your goodbyes, farewelling your friends before dismissing yourself and making the walk out to the carpark, towards Leah’s car.
Driving had become your one piece of real freedom, it was the only time where you got to think to yourself. A couple of months ago, you would have found solace in continuous loneliness, you would have sat in the car for hours and been happy. Now though, you found yourself navigating your way back home as fast as possible, whilst still abiding by road rules.
The gravel driveway underneath the wheels of a car used to make you nervous, if anything it now made you feel anticipation.
You jumped from the car with a hop in your step, the bronze chip still clutched in your palm, the metal now warm against your skin after the acclimation of the metal to your body temperature.
You used your key to enter the door, smiling at the warmth and scent that you were met with as you untied your shoes and left them by the front door.
Leah was waiting for you in the kitchen, she always was, every night you decided to go to a meeting. You knew that she still worried, that she spent nights awake worrying about you. You’d lost count of how many times on the nights you spent in your own bed how often she’d come to check to make sure you were still lying there. She probably always would worry, you wouldn’t blame her if she did, you’d put her through a lot.
She brought you into a hug, the same hug as every night, it always lasted for a little bit too long, but you never brought it up.
She would hug you tighter every single time, it was clockwork.
“Lia’s come over for dinner, she’s cooked spaghetti for everybody, but she made bangers and mash for you special, no pasta.”
You smiled at your mom, letting her press a chaste kiss to your forehead before you followed her into the dining room, where dinner was already plated up and Jordan and Lia were already seated at the table.
Jordan sent a smile your way as you sat down, things were still rocky between the two of you, it was never going to be perfect, it was never going to be as good as before, but you were both doing the work to heal bits of it and that was what mattered.
“Hey bubba, how was your meeting?”
Most nights you answered the same, with something simple.
“Good, I got this today.”
You pushed the chip onto the table, pulling your phone out of your pocket so you didn’t have to witness their raw reactions.
“Bubba, we’ve talked about this, no phones at the table.”
You frowned, pushing your phone back into your trackpant pocket, and looking up at your moms.
“This is awesome bubba, we’re both so proud of you.”
Jordan had picked up the coin, looking at it with glazed eyes.
There had been a lot of that since you’d come out of rehab, a lot of crying, a lot more than you were comfortable with.
“I want you to keep it.”
Jordan looked up at you, mildly confused.
“Bubba, it’s your token, your progress, your hardwork, you should keep it.”
You shook your head.
“Mom has my one month one, I want you to keep this one. I’m doing it for you two, I’m trying to be better for you two, and I want you to know that I’m committed to it and that without you guys I wouldn’t be able to do this.”
You could see tears pooling in Leah’s eyes from the other side of the table, jordan’s own ones beginning to drip down her face.
“Anyways, it’s not big deal, let’s have dinner, I’m sure whatever Lia cooked up is better than anything you and mom could have managed.”
You tried to pass it off with some lighthearted humour, but based off of the tears on your parents face, it wasn’t doing much.
Jordan and Leah both reached over, taking a hand in each of yours.
“You know that no matter what happens, no matter where you go, who you become, what you do, how you live your life, you will always be our beautiful girl.”
421 notes · View notes
mwahsol · 12 days ago
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What do you want from me?
Description: Constant arguments, ignoring each other, miscommunication, etc. After a big fight, you get tired and ask her a question that leads to tears and clarification. Anyway, enjoy(?)
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“Say something, got nothing to say now?” She says as she thinks she's got the upper hand, but in the pit of her stomach, she can feel something brewing. Nerves? But what does she have to be nervous about, that blank look on your face? How does she feel like you're looking right through her? No, she's winning, so why does she feel like something bad is coming? No, she's just overthinking. Right?
It felt like hours passed of you just staring at her, why aren't you saying something. As she goes to say something, you beat her to it. “What are we doing?”
Time stops. What do you mean? She's at a loss for words. Her mouth feels dry, all of the words that she braked at you now are words that she regrets, why does her throat feel like it's closing up?
“Paige, what do you want from me?” You ask her. You can't take it. All of the fights, yelling at each other with no end.
“One day we're happy and can't get enough of each other, we kiss, hold hands, we’re in love one day then the next another fight starts and we go to ignoring each other.” There's no way that's true, is it?
“Y/n what are you saying” She lets out scared that she may know the answer.
“Paige, what do you want? Because this isn't healthy, this isn't a relationship.” Looking at you now she notices that you're crying, the beautiful eyes that she could look into forever are crying, and the faces that looks at her with nothing but pure adoration is stained with tears and exhaustion. The face that she holds with care so that she won't hurt you is red and puffy. How did she not see it?
“I love you, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, I love you so much that it consumes me, it eats me alive, but I can't keep fighting with you. I want to be able to come to you and just love you and when we fight it can't be like this. So what do you want? Please I can't take it” Why can't she say anything? Why can't she move? She wants to hug you, she wants to tell you that she wants to fix this but she's stuck. Why? Why now?
You watch her; you can see that she's nervous, but you need an answer. You need to know. You deserve one. “Say something, say anything, fight for me, show me you care.” You scream at her in your head.
You had to ask, it's selfish but you had to, you can't keep going like this. Watching her panic hurts you, all you want to do is hold her and tell her that it's okay and that you're sorry. You could take it back but you don't want to. You need her to tell you even if you sound pathetic. For her, you'll more than happily be.
Why can't she answer? She looks at you like she wants to say something but no words will come out. Why now?
“Maybe we should take some time apart. A few days could be good,” you say, believing it could be good for you both.
“What? No no, we don't need that.” She rushes out scared that if you walk out of her dorm you won't come back. She can't lose you.
“Paige, you can't even answer me. I know what I want, I want you, I've always wanted you through everything, even through all our fights, I fought for you. I know sometimes it didn't seem like it, but I did it all for you. I'm selfish and want you all to myself, but you need some time to think. Maybe the space will be good. Come find me when you're ready to answer me. No matter the answer, I'll be waiting.” Before she can argue and try to make you stay, you collect your bag and shoes, rushing out, but before you kiss her, just in case it may be the last. You pull away to leave her dorm and close the door behind you, knowing if you don't, you'll turn around and run back. It's for the best, you tell yourself, so that maybe it comforts you.
She watches you. How could she stand there and watch you walk out? How could you have thought that space would be good? Why didn't she stop you? Why?
When you kissed her she couldn't react fast enough to kiss you back, if it was one second longer she would’ve kissed you back, she would've held on so that you could see that she needs you, that she wants you. She can taste your tears, even your tears taste sweet to her. Why couldn't she just have told you that she wants you, just you. You are everything she's ever wanted. If you were a drug she would never even think of quitting you.
She can feel herself slowly start crying, as she stands shaking and hyperventilating she feels her crying turn into sobbing quickly. Sobbing over you, the lack of your presence, your tears that she caused, the pleading look in your eyes begging her to just say something, how you rushed out quickly, the kiss that still lingered, how you closed the door before she could even think. She can still smell your vanilla perfume, and the coconut smell of your shampoo, even while you're crying you're still the most beautiful person she's ever seen. Paige Madison Bueckers is completely and utterly in love with you.
She's still sobbing by the time her roommates get home, the only difference is that she's now sitting on a couch trying to calm herself down. KK and Azzi rush over to her trying to ask her what happened. Aubrey rushes to the kitchen to get water while Ice asks if they should call you so that you can help. At hearing your name she's finally able to say something.
“No.” She choked out, “You can't call her, this is my fault.”
“P, what are you talking about?” Azzi asks because they're curious and worried when they walk into their teammate crying alone.
“We were arguing and after a while, she asked me what I wanted and I didn't say anything, why didn't I say anything, I was in shock because I love her so much and she knows I do but the words couldn't come out. Oh god, what if I lost her? Azzi, I can't lose her. I can't do it without her. She said maybe the time would be good and that she’ll wait for my answer but I don't need time, I want her.” She spits out while crying.
“Ok, ok, it's only a little bit of space for you both to calm down and gather your thoughts. She's not gone, and if she's willing to wait for your answer, then that means she loves you too. She's putting your relationship first by giving you time to think because even though she knows you love her, the relationship hasn't been healthy for a while, and she wants to make sure you want to work towards it being healthy, no?” Azzi relays, trying to show Paige that this isn't the end.
“Exactly, and if you mean what you say and want to work on your guy's relationship, this may be good so you can come up with a game plan. Try to see how this could benefit you guys.” Aubrey chimes in, handing her the water making sure she drinks it.
It makes sense but she can't help but be worried that when she goes to give you an answer you won't want it anymore. The rest of the night is a blur to her all she can focus on is how there's reminders of you scattered throughout her dorm. Your pillows and blankets on her bed, your hair ties on her desk because you always lose them and she finds them, perfumes you've left there that she smells whenever she misses you, your clothes lying around, your jewelry mixed with hers, books you've read on her bookshelf, polaroids of you decorate her walls and desk, some of your makeup in the bathroom along with your skincare, you're all around her. You haunt her, all that runs through her mind is how she misses you. She craves you. She prays for you.
Right before she falls asleep she vows you get you back.
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You're not any better. As you get to your dorm you feel like you just got hit by a bus, you look like it. As you walk in your roommates see you and try to get your attention to check in on you but all you can do is walk to your room, wanting to be alone. You change into clothes that Paige left there. They swallow you but you don't mind. They smell like her. You can't bring yourself to do anything else, all of your energy has been sucked out of you. All you can think about is Paige, your beautiful girl, how could you leave her like that?
You had to, you love her too much to keep fighting back and forth with her. You exist just for her, you were designed to love her, you breathe for her, and if you could you would crawl inside of her. As your eyes start to shut you wish on every star that she comes to you and tells you that she's ready to fight for you. Every single star is worth her.
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As you suggested Paige takes a few days to think, but not about what she wants. She knows what she wants but she wants to make a gesture to show you how much she wants you. Planning has taken her a while but when she was ready to act on her plan she had to almost beg your roommates to help get you out of the dorm. When she heard that you locked yourself in there rarely coming out except to eat it broke her, all she wanted to do was run to you and get on her knees and beg you to come back but she knew that she needed to make it special for you both.
You missed Paige like crazy. You were a bit sad that she hadn't reached out yet but in all fairness, you told her to take a few days and you may have turned off your phone not wanting to hear from anyone.
You slowly started coming out of your room more day by day, after four days one of your roommates asked you if you could get groceries later on in the day so that when she got home she could make dinner.
“Yeah, by what time do you need them?” You ask not wanting to be late.
“Hm probably around 6ish but if you don't mind could you go to the Target 30ish minutes away, I checked if the one near us had the protein powder I need and they don't but the other one does pretty please, I’ll owe you one,” she begs knowing you'll say yes but in reality, she's just trying to get you out of the house so Paige, her teammates, and your other roommate could help them with her plan.
“Yeah, sure, I'll leave like at 4ish, maybe 3:30, that ok?” Thinking about possible traffic, you give yourself some time.
“Yes, thank you so much.” She can't wait to start settling everything up as soon as she sees you leave.
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As you check the time it reads 3:16, you get up and start getting a bit ready so you don't go out looking like how you feel, you shower in the morning so now it is just to do a bit of makeup and change. When you feel presentable you start collecting your things to head out.
“Kay, imma head out.” You gave them a heads-up.
“Ok, be safe,” they call out as you shut the door. When they see your car heading out from the window, they call the team to give them the green light to come over and start prepping.
As they start rearranging the dorm to fit the plan they hear a knock and come face to face with the all team.
“Do you think she’ll like it?” Paige asks nervously knowing you'll like it but needing a bit of reassurance from the people who are also close to you.
“You know she will, but hey, remember we know where you live, so treat our girl right, yeah?” Your other roommate tells her while bringing in some flowers, threatening her teasingly, she knows Paige would die before she ever purposely hurt you.
“Yeah, I know, let's get to work so we can finish,” she replies, confident in her plan.
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When you're nearing your dorm you're a bit suspicious that you can't hear anything, usually, there's at least some noise from the TV or speaker playing music but it’s oddly silent. You ignore it just wanting to drop off the groceries and go into your room to take a nap.
As you put in your key and push the door open, you're greeted by roses, candles, and flower petals leading to the living room? As you follow them, confused, you see her, Paige, your Paige. Everything in your body wants to run to her and kiss her till you can't breathe anymore, you hold yourself back. The last time you saw each other, a lot of tears were shed, and she never gave you an answer. You had to respect that.
“What are you doing here?” You ask, wanting to appear calm, but in reality, inside, you were jumping up and down, just happy to see her.
“I never gave you an answer,” Paige says while looking at you trying to soak in your appearance. God, you are more beautiful every time she looks at you. Your hair that she could run her hands through, your face that is embedded into her mind, her shirt that you're wearing, how you can tell that it isn't yours showing people that you're hers. She could look at you forever and never get tired of you.
“Yeah, you didn't.” You turn to put the groceries in the kitchen, hoping to hide the fact that you're desperate to hear what her answer is. As you set them down, you come to stand in front of her, your soul focus is her. Even with all the roses, candles, and twinkling lights around you, all you can stare at is her. “Well, Paige, what do you say,” you need to hear her say it. It won't matter unless it is from her.
“Y/n, my sweet girl, you are the love of my life, you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, I'm blessed that every day I get to wake up next to you, and if I'm not next to you, I look forward to see you. You are the most enchanting person I've ever seen, since the first time I saw you, I never wanted to look away, whenever I play, I make sure you're watching me because I want to impress you and show you how hard I work so that one day when I go pro, you'll still watch me and get that beautiful smile when I score. I can't fathom the thought of ever not loving you. Baby, I can't even talk regularly about you, you make me dizzy with your near existence, I admire you every day. I soak up every detail about you. Whenever I'm not with you, I miss you, during my away games, when you can't come, or just when you’re in a different room, I miss you. For so long, my dream has been basketball then I met you, and I started dreaming about you. When people ask me about you, I cannot help but light up at the chance to talk about you, even coach has told me that my eyes light up when I talk about you. When I listen to older love songs, you come to mind. Every love song is about you in my eyes. I'd give up anything just to be in your presence. The first time you said you love me, right then, in that moment, I found out what heaven is. You asked me what I want, y/n all I want is you, I want you, only you, I want you entirely, no one and nothing else will work. I want to work on this with you, I want to do everything with you, I promise to be better with you, please, baby I can't be me without you.” While Paige went on with her speech, you started crying. You couldn’t believe how much this woman loves you, how much she adores you, how much she's ready to give so that this can work. She wants you just as much as you want her.
“Paige I want you so much,” when you say that she rushed to you, she crashes into you holding you like you could vanish into thin air, she holds you like she’ll never let you go. You hold her just as much.
While you both just hold each other in the middle of your living room, she can feel you laughing. “What's so funny, baby?” She asks curiously.
“Well, I kind of also have a gift for you, but I have to go get it from my room,” you say, legging go of her slowly to go get it, but she's holding you tighter, not liking the idea, “Yeah nah get it another time I'm happy here.”
You giggle, swaying your bodies, “I promise it'll only be like five seconds. Come on, my love.” As you tell her, you cradle her face, sipping away some of the tears that she let out while she was giving her speech for you. Now pouting teasingly, she nods but tells you to be quick. You rush to your room to collect a pink envelope from your vanity and come back to see her sitting on the couch, waiting for you with open arms.
“What's that?” She asks with a smile, having an idea of what it is. You climb in next to her while she wraps her arm around your shoulder you answer, “A letter I wrote for you.”
“Read it to me,” she says, laying her head on your shoulder, ready to hear you speak, you nod your head, opening the letter, and start reading it.
“P I was destined to meet you, I was destined to fall in love with you, I knew it as soon as you said hi to me and asked me if I knew where the theater was. I have loved you for three years, and I will love you for many more. I'll love you even when we're nothing but dust. I believe that we were made from the same star. I fall for you every day, I fall for your smile; your laughter is my favorite sound, and I could listen to your voice forever. You make me feel alive. You have shown me what it's like to be loved gently and have taught me how you love gently. I have memorized the shade of your eyes, how your hair feels, the warmth of your skin, every small scar on your face, your teeth, and your favorite perfumes, I even remember your heartbeat. I crave just to lay down beside you. I love you with every part of my soul. I cherish the nights when we cook together and just laugh. The small moments are things I will never overlook or forget. When your hands hurt, I want to hold them, I want to kiss them better. I want it all for you. I will forever support your dreams, I'll do everything in my power to help you get to where you want. To me, you're everything. If you wish to have a star, I'll steal one from the sky to give it to you. Anything you want, I'll give you. Paige, I love you more than words could ever describe.”
As you finish, you look and see her crying again, “I'm sorry, love I didn't want to make you cry.” You try to wipe all the tears you can.
“No, no, I'm just happy that we both are here together and in love. I never imagined that I could ever love someone this much. Y/n, you're it for me, you know that, don't you? I'll marry you one day and give you my last name that you can wear with pride.” She confesses, hoping you know how certain she is that she will marry you.
“I know baby, I'll proudly wear your name even now. You're it for me too,” you say while looking directly into her eyes so she can also see how much you want it to.
“Good, I'm so grateful for you baby.” You can't help but laugh a little that you were worried a few days ago that she didn't want this, “I'm grateful for you too.”
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“Do y'all think they're good?”
“Probably those two are too locked in to give up.”
“Yeah, I was kinda looking forward to making dinner though
”
‘Shut up, let's go get food I’m starving too.” Both of your roommates knew you would work it out, but they weren't patient enough to wait for y'all to get done to go get food.
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Soooooo, hey, you guys...anyway, I kinda have an idea for a fic, but I'm still working out a few details, and maybe I'll post it before I go back to editing my old work to be reuploaded. Omg also, I'm about to drop out of school soon to go to cosmetology, so wish me luck, ya girl needs it. <3
Kiss the sun🌞
225 notes · View notes
romanticinlove · 4 months ago
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You belong to me - JB Angst
Summary: Even after you and Jude break up, neither one of you can seem to move on
A/n: This is super toxic I cannot lie 😭
_____________________________
It had been two months since you and Jude ended things. The split was mutual. You both weren't in a good space to be together. The constant fighting and the insecurities from both parties became too much to handle. At first it seemed like a good idea. You thought that with some distance between the two of you, you would get over him in no time. The only problem was that you couldn't seem to get that distance. You had hooked up 11 times since the break up and even when you wanted to end things, you couldn't. You missed him too much. You two tried to give the relationship another chance after the second meet up, but you both quickly remembered why you ended things. In fact, that's how every one of your meet ups went. You both missed each other, one of you called the other, you would meet up, sleep with each other, then a fight would quickly arise. Then one of you would leave abruptly and the cycle repeated itself.
You knew that this was not healthy. The first few times, your friends tried to give you advice and when you went to take it, all your walls dropped. When you were with him, you felt comfortable. But you couldn't go on like this. When Jude came over to your house that night, It ended in another fight and Jude stormed out of your apartment and you sat in bed angrily. You cried yourself to sleep again that night, as you had a lot recently. the next morning when you woke up, you remembered what had happened and you decided that enough was enough. You pulled out your phone and began to text the young footballer.
You: Jude
You: We can't keep doing this, we have to be done
Jude: but I miss you, can I please come over tonight??
you: no, we have to end things. I’m sorry
You decide to then block his number because you knew he would try to continue to convince you. You felt relief when you sent the final text message. You were ready to start a new chapter of your life. a new one without Jude. In fact you were so excited that you texted your girls about it. They all congratulated you and gave you a quick fix
friend 1: y/n I actually have the perfect solution to keep you away from Jude. I have this friend who would be perfect for you! You should both set something up.
You went for it and got his number. Over the course of the next few days, you and James were both texting back and forth, getting to know one another. You found yourself smiling at your phone a lot more and thinking about Jude less and less. You both set up a date pretty soon after your friend introduced the two of you. you were excited when you met him in person. He took you out to a nice restaurant and you were both chatting away. You were paying attention to him, and you were genuinely interested in what he had to say. He was sweet, but honestly, you could not see yourself being with him. Your friend had set you up with one of her cousins, who was not at all perfect for you. You decided to stick around tho and give him a chance. Maybe you could develop feelings. You had almost forgotten about Jude. Almost.
if it hadn't been for that stupid team dinner. That same night that James took you to a very fancy and exclusive restaurant, some of the Real Madrid players, including Jude had also decided to spend their evening in the same place. You saw him first and it was like you became a different person. You were no longer paying attention to James and could only think about Jude.
What was he doing there? Did he see you? What would you do if he saw you? You wanted him to see you. You wanted him to see that you were on a date with someone else, that were could get over him. or maybe you couldn't and you wanted him to come to you and take you away.
"Y/n, is everything alright? You seem upset" James said across from you. You looked at his eyes and you felt horrible. You needed to forget Jude.
"yes, I am so sorry. I just have to use the restroom, I will be right back." You apologized as you got up from your seat. when you got into the bathroom, you washed your hands and flicked a little bit of water on your face. You needed to stop freaking out about Jude. Just as you left the bathroom, you saw the 6'1 man standing outside.
"Who is that?" Jude asked you wasting no time.
"It shouldn't matter to you" You said back "I have to get back to my date, excuse me"
"I don't think so, I think I deserve some time of explanation" Jude tried to tell you as he blocked the exit from the hall that led back to the restaurant.
"I owe you nothing, we are completely over, please don't do this" You told him, trying to get past again. He got in front of you put his hand on your face.
"c'mon y/n, you don't miss me at all?" Jude questioned as he looked at you. "I know you do. If that guy is my replacement, then I have nothing to worry about"
You shook you head and finally started walking back to the table where James was sitting.
"Just call me when the dates over" Jude told you as you left him alone. As you walked back
"I'm back, what were you saying just before I left?" You asked while smiling at him. You owed it to him to at least finish the date.
The rest of the night went fine but you couldn't focus on your date. When you arrived at your apartment. You thought about what Jude said. You pulled out your phone and saw a message from James.
James: I had such a nice time tonight, I would love to go on a second date.
You stared at the message for a little bit but slid out of your conversation with James. There should be no reason why you shouldn’t go on another day with him. But the feelings just weren’t there. When you got to your room you looked at your phone again, but this time with a different purpose.
“I was waiting for your call” Jude said on the other end. This was a bad idea, and you knew it too. But that didn’t stop you from inviting him over. He would get there in 15 minutes. You contemplated your decision but when you heard a knock at the door you smiled and went to open it. Maybe this time would be different. ——————————————————————
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ironunderstands · 7 months ago
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God I love being correct (2.2 leaks incoming!!!)
“Jade saved Aventurine!!!” “Jade helped him out of the kindness of her own heart!!” “Jade is such a mother figure to Aventurine!!”
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mmm yeah, definitely yup 100%
Honestly this fucking speaks for itself, and I’m so glad hoyo committed to the evil on her, she’s very compelling and that’s extremely cunty I must give her credit for it, but god do I absolutely despise the people who believe Jade and Aventurine have a healthy relationship, or that she “saved” him out of the kindness of her own heart or something.
To Jade, Aventurine is an investment, nothing more and nothing less, which is why she puts her faith in him, he’s a reliable business opportunity, but that’s not the same as caring about him personally and I really need people to get the difference
If Aventurine hadn’t proved himself useful to her, she would have left him to rot in prison or succumb to his death sentence, this isn’t saving, it’s exploitation.
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Jade knows Aventurine couldn’t decline whatever offer she made, and anything is worse than death or slavery, the things he’s trying to escape, so she offers for him to join the IPC to make more money for them. That’s it, that’s all she wants, she doesn’t care about how bad being in the IPC is for Aventurine’s mental health, how he literally took on a suicide mission so he could escape being a stoneheart, how even if she “saved” him, his banner name is literally “gilded imprisonment” and his lightcone “inherently unjust destiny”, so damn she did a real good job at saving him and fixing his life, definitely didn’t just put him in a pair of gilded chains.
Also like can we talk about how weird Jades comment about his eyes were? Like it’s genuinely creepy to me considering Avens eyes are a) one of his biggest insecurities and b) people fetishize them, something which Jade knows and chooses to still comment about. I hate to say it, but I feel like if this was a male Jade saying that to a female Aventurine, yall would never let that slide and Jade would never beat the p3do allegations. Aventurine was likely a teenager/young adult in that scene, and either way there is a visible power dynamic between them (I mean Aven is literally in chains looking up at her), and I don’t think if the situation was flip flopped people would be treating Jade like some kinda hero. If they were the same gender I feel like people would be shipping them though 😭
So, yeah. Being correct feels amazing, pls use your brains and realize that just because one character sounds kinda nice to another, does not mean they actually care about them or are a good person!
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earthtooz · 2 years ago
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OMG IM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH FOR FAKE PT.2 I LOVED PT 1 SM I LOVE YOU SM EHEHEH
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𝐅𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 ─ when the reader receives hate ! pt 1
includes: reo mikage, michael kaiser, isagi yoichi
warnings: gn!reader, they/them prns in kaiser + isagi, 2k+ wc for reo, 1.6k for kaiser and 1k for isagi, ooc!characters, borderline panic attack in reo's, hate and negative comments, happy endings for all, let me know if i'm missing any warnings, bad wriitng LOL
a/n: ask and u shall receive ! bro why is the cover image so low quality i can't be assed to fix it - ANYWAYS ENJOY ANON !!!
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MIKAGE REO:
if there’s one thing reo is used to, it’s the amount of eyes constantly surveying his every move. there is not one aspect of his life that hasn’t been intruded by the amount of aristocratic families wondering how he’s doing. reo’s quite fed up with it himself. 
but of course, if there’s one thing dating reo mikage entails, it’s having those same eyes scrutinising your every move even harder- a fact you accepted before he asked you to be his. a fact you were starting to get used to.
despite all the glamourised smiles and ambiguous compliments of your relationship, there will always be some who aren’t afraid to voice their opinions.
which, is how you got stuck talking to some ceo’s daughter at a gala you were attending as reo’s plus one. 
“i’m not trying to be mean or anything, just honest,” she says with a particular slice of her hands, flaunting her expensive nails and jewellery. “but i don’t think you’re right for reo, and i know i am not the only one who thinks that! don’t you think it’s time you stop hogging him and y’know, return him to those who really deserve him?”
something disgusting churns within you at the way she talks of your boyfriend, as if he were some goal; a fish in a sea of hungry fishermen. the statement makes you feel violated, you can’t imagine how reo would feel being talked about like this for his entire life.
“and who might that be?” you counter, trying your best to remain calm and not give in to the storm within you.
she flares her nostrils, narrowing her perfectly painted eyes. “look around. take a good glance at the competition.”
“i won’t do that because there is no competition. reo chose me, whether you like it or not,” you firmly place your drink down on the table beside you before pointedly showing her the beautiful promise ring, encrusted with diamonds that reo himself placed on your finger. “besides, if there even was a competition in the first place, i’m afraid you’re all much too late.”
with a final sneer, she turns around with a pointed flick of her healthy, smooth hair before walking away, classy and expensive as ever.
just like everyone around you.
you, on the other hand, find it hard to breathe, and the luxurious fabric of your even more luxurious outfit is clinging to your body. before you even know it, you’re making a run for the exit, slipping past crowds of people and ignoring their looks of curiosity. 
no one would bother to look too long anyways.
you should be proud of how you managed to remain level-headed during that interaction, but you can’t help but give in to her manipulative tactics. you did take a good look of the competition and they all looked like millions upon millions of dollars. they have had their life plan sorted from the very moment of their birth, their destiny handed to them of a silver platter, and although you know to look beyond the materialism and gold, it’s hard to ignore it when you’re surrounded by marble walls and crystal chandeliers.
suddenly feeling like an imposter, you just want to hop in a cab and go home.
bolting through expansive halls with decorative arches and doors to match, you’re almost at the parking lot where the chauffeurs awaited, just a flight of stairs await your descent.
it’s not until a hand catches your wrist that you stop. 
turning around, you find no comfort in the familiarity of reo’s face which was laced with concern and worry. he’s panting, a thin layer of sweat coating his skin, and his hair was all over his face. was he chasing after you?
“y/n! where are you going?” the purple-haired asks, eyebrows furrowing even more as he notices the distressed state you’re in. he grabs both your hands, manoeuvring you to look him square in the eyes. except, it’s so difficult, you’re looking everywhere but at him. “i was calling your name the entire time, did you not hear me?” 
“reo, please, leave me alone,” you request with a shaky voice, trying to get out of his grip with no success.
“i can’t, not when you’re like this,” he protests, “deep breaths, y/n, come back to me.”
a few moments of silence pass by, allowing you to return to your senses as reo holds your hands against his heart, stroking your skin with his thumb. no longer overwhelmed and suffocated by your thoughts, it’s hard to look your boyfriend in the eye, cowering away from his gaze.
“what’s the matter?” he asks gently, pressing a hand against your cheek delicately. it’s warm. you want to melt into him.
“it’s- i, i had a really- you know what, nevermind,” you murmur, shaking your head, turning your back against reo as you pull your hands away from his. 
you miss the expression of heartbreak that appears on his pretty face. 
your cold actions don’t deter him. instead, it makes him more determined to stay by your side, chasing after you even as you descend down the stairs. since your shoes were a lot more complicated than his, the soccer player catches up to you quickly to guide you by the small of your back as he mirrors your pace.
“i want to go home,” you mutter to him once youïżœïżœre on the ground, trying your best not to collapse under the gaze of so many, surrounded by butlers and chauffeurs.  
he nods with a gentle gaze. “let’s go home then.”
his kindness is not enough to shield you from the scrutiny that bears into you. “no, reo, you should stay, i’ll just catch a taxi home or something.”
he looks at you in pure astonishment, slightly taken back by your weird attitude. 
“but i don’t want to. why would i want to stay if you’re not?” asks the purple-haired. 
opting to remain silent rather than answer, you try to walk towards the main road of the highway, only to be cut off by reo shoving himself in front of you.
“and why would i let you take a cab home?” your purple-haired lover questions, placing both of his hands on his cheeks so you can finally look him in the eye. “y/n, what’s going on? something happened, didn’t it?”
taking both of his hands away from your face, you take a step away; once again missing the look of astonishment and heartbreak that appears on reo’s face. “nothing happened,” you say stubbornly, rubbing your hands against your arms.
“i don’t want to go home if you’re like this, can we please just talk for a little?” he remains behind you, getting the hint that you don’t want to be provoked or touched in any way, even if it’s killing him. the soccer player’s fingers itch with the need to embrace and trace every part of you that you’ll allow, but, for the sake of your fragile state, he doesn’t.
with a small exhale, you agree. it would be unfair for you to leave reo in the dark, continually brushing off his genuine kindness due to some chick that got in your head.
he leads you towards the gardens nearby which were dimly lit, yet still very beautiful. spring was in full season, so you could only catch glimpses of the beautiful flora that aligned the path, but there was no denying that it was still breathtaking. reo walks beside you, synchronising his footsteps with yours.
eventually, you arrive at a fountain in the middle of the garden. where you take a seat on its marble ledge, reo whispers ‘one second’ to you before running off to the bushes where the red roses were. he returns quickly, jogging back to you with a singular flower in his hands. 
“for you, my love,” he declares with a small smile, bowing with an extended hand, expecting you to take his gift.
you readily do, heart warming at his silliness whilst twirling the rose in your fingers. “thank you,” you reply, pressing a kiss to his cheek when he places his hand next to you so he can lean against the fountain for support. 
the promise ring you wear on your finger feels heavier than usual, especially when he smiles fondly at you, a lovesick expression on his face that is no doubt mirrored by you. 
but looking at him, you can’t help but recall the stinging reality that he lived in a world of glamour, decadence, and allure; only doubled by the fame that came with his life as a pro-soccer player. you love reo with your whole being, really, sometimes you fear that your feelings might be a little too much, but loving him with a materialistic barrier in between is difficult. 
the idea of letting him go than stealing him away from the world of mystique feels suddenly a lot kinder.
“reo,” you begin after a few minutes of simply being in each other’s presence. he looks at you with widened eyes and raised eyebrows, directing 100% of his attention towards you. with a deep inhale, you continue.
“do you ever think that
 we’re not, meant to be?”
the silence is deafening.
“what do you mean?” he asks with a small stutter of disbelief, “of course we’re meant to be! you’re the one for me- you’re my soulmate!”
usually, when reo says that, it makes your insides gush and flutter, but now it riddles you with guilt and scepticism. “how can you be so sure?”
“y/n,” he sounds so very desperate. reo’s eyes have always been the window to his soul and seeing the way they shine with tears, your chest clenches with an unpleasant feeling. “why are you doubting my love for you?”
his hand goes to your ring finger, playing with the jewellery that you suddenly feel like you don’t deserve.
“you agreed, remember? you agreed to letting me love you forever and loving me in return. i put this ring on you because it’s always going to be you, no matter what circumstance, i’ll always choose you.” 
“but is choosing me the right decision?”
“yes, a thousand times yes, there will never be. anyone. but. you.” reo increases the amount of emphasis he puts into each word, now changing his position so that he stood in front of you, caging you with his build. “can you tell me what happened, beautiful? because something clearly did and soured my gorgeous y/n’s mood.”
the sudden onslaught of compliments, mixed with how close reo was, broke down your resolve easily, crumbling at his feet as you gave in to his gentle demands. 
“i met an unpleasant someone who told me i should give you up for people who deserve you more,” you whisper, throwing your arms around his neck, a gesture of equal affection and possessiveness. 
he hums, seemingly calm but you know better. the furrow of his eyebrows was one of scrutiny and distaste. you’re glad he’s trying to remain subtle, you’ve had enough of emotional responses for one night.
“and who might this unpleasant someone be?”
“i have no idea. she gave me a name but it went in one ear then out the other.”
pressing his face into the junction where your neck and shoulder meet, the soccer player revels at this chance to be close to you. 
“it was probably important though,” you reiterate, “and, well, might be able to benefit you a lot better than i ever can.” 
he scoffs into your skin, causing you to shiver. “no one’s name is as important as mine, my love, and no one can boost it more than what it’s already worth. if anything, those who have me gets the boost, i’m already the best.” 
his (rightfully deserved) cockiness makes you smile ever so slightly as you punch his shoulder. “are you implying i’m a gold digger?”
“well, you didn’t choose me, did you?” asks reo with a raise of his eyebrow. “i begged you to go on a date with me and you only agreed the fourth time i asked.”
the recollection makes a giggle slip past your lips- a sound reo dearly missed as he admires your beauty in the dim lighting of the gardens. he places a fleeting kiss on your neck before looking up at you. 
“of course, everyone else won’t know that and assume,” you point out before leaning in towards his lips, unable to resist him much longer.
“who cares?” he mutters against you before melting against you in a gentle kiss filled with love, reassurance, and promises. “they’re all irrelevant anyways, just a bunch of talkers with nothing to back up their words.”
“then what am i?”
“you’re my future. you’re the one that actually cares about me, more than my money or my soccer skills. remember the first day we met and you told me to get out of the way? back in college?”
“well you were blocking my path. i was running late to my class as well.”
reo chuckles, pulling away from you so there was a little distance between your faces. “never thought i’d want someone so bad just because they didn’t know who i was.”
“then show me,” you say with a little challenge in your tone. “screw the gala, take me home, reo.”
“thought you’d never ask.”
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MICHAEL KAISER:
“kaiser gets it in! a miracle shot, just what you’d expect from bastard mĂŒnchen’s genius striker!” the announcer exclaims as the crowd shoots up in excitement, roaring and buzzing with excitement as the members of germany’s football team all swarm around the blond, cheering and celebrating. 
kaiser participates in the hype, fist bumping his teammates before running back to position, but not without sparing a look at the screen that was displaying the match. no one misses the kiss he blows in the direction of the camera and although the stadium is filled with squeals (from boys, girls, grown ups and children alike), you know something they don’t.
right before the match, kaiser made you promise that each goal of his equated to ten kisses, a deal that you readily accepted and bumped up to twenty as a way of motivating him to take the game home.
that kiss he blew was just a way of solidifying that he was thinking of you and the wink he sent straight after was just making sure you’d keep your promise.
you can’t help but feel like the luckiest person in the world with him. 
as the match progresses, you can tell it’s going to be an easy victory, with all favours towards your lover’s team - kaiser earning another two himself. 
it’s almost scary just how effortlessly he dominates, settling the score at 3-1 for bastard mĂŒnchen, once again making feats you thought were difficult look effortless. as the whistle blew announcing the end of the game, roars fill the stadium once again and you too, jump up with the crowd to cheer as loudly as you can.
repping his jersey with his name on the back, it just feels too good, especially when you bask in the afterglow of a well deserved victory.
you don’t miss the amount of glances kaiser sends your way, antsy to be able to reach you and spend some time with you because he’d rather have you congratulate him than a bunch of old, white men that just want to sponsor him. they can get in line because you’re his top priority.
you hope he sees you and the heart you make with your arms over your head just for him. 
dawdling out of the stadium always takes forever because of the amount of people that always come to see his game so when over half the people have cleared out, you make your way down to the front row, where your soccer genius boyfriend was waiting for you.
“you were incredible, my love,” you say as a greeting, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug, one that he readily returns. you don’t really care that he was sweaty, too overwhelmed by how proud of him you were.
not that your opinions really mattered in the grand scheme of things, but kaiser considered it a great lucky charm, one he holds highly.
“as always,” he mutters, pressing a kiss against your cheek. you giggle at the sensation, smiling widely as he continues. “tell me more about how amazing i was.”
rolling your eyes at his arrogance, you decide to indulge him, just a little. “the best out there, greatest soccer player of all time, and you looked so handsome too, my main character,” you pinch his cheek. “done?”
“not at all,” keens kaiser, smiling at you like a cat.
“get your stuff first and then when we’re home, i’m all yours.”
“i’m holding you to your promise, pretty, that’s sixty kisses from you.”
with a final kiss on the forehead as farewell, you bid him goodbye and watch as he runs off to get changed, joining ness who was waiting for him by the exit. the magenta-haired soccer player waves at you from halfway across the field, a gesture you readily return before turning around to go outside.
passing by the security guards who give you a little nod of acknowledgement, you’re relieved to see that the audience that gathered tonight had gone off into their cars, ready to go home for the night. 
you’re about to go around to where the players exit so kaiser wouldn’t swarmed by a flurry of fans and reporters, until you’re stopped by a hand on the shoulder. the grip wasn’t strong, but demanding enough for you to turn around and greet whoever wanted to talk to you.
it was a pair of teenage girls. they were well-dressed and pampered, but the look they were giving you was less than friendly. somehow, you already knew where this conversation was going.
“can i help you?” you ask, flashing them a smile.
one of them eyes you up and down, judgement very clear in her eyes. you cringe a little. “are you kaiser’s partner?” she asks. 
you nod in affirmation. you hate the sleazy feeling developing in your gut, expanding due to the scrutiny of their gazes. one of the girls nudge the other one in an ‘i told you so’ manner, which is returned with a smirk that is mischievous in kind.
“do you need something from me?” you question, finally letting your astoundment show on your face. really, you just wanted to walk away from this conversation and find kaiser so you could go home.
“yeah, we’re just wondering why, y’know, that he’d choose you.” 
“excuse me?”
“like don’t get us wrong, you’re pretty and all, but we just think that you’re kinda bland for him,” one of them states as the other hums in agreement. 
the audacity. you furrow your eyebrows and stand your ground.
“okay, cool. what do you suggest i do then since you seem to be experts in my relationship.”
“break up with him, duh?”
“and let one of you date him instead?” you scoff. “fat chance.” 
“just give him up, okay? we could love kaiser more than you probably ever could, clout chaser.”
“gold digger!”
now amused more than frustrated, you bite back the laugh that bubbles in your chest. it was entertaining seeing some sixteen year old girls try to tell you that you and your boyfriend (of two years) shouldn’t be together. 
being kaiser’s partner had its downsides sometimes, and it was mostly just the hate you receive for ‘stealing’ him off the market, especially since he was so young, some fans didn’t appreciate that he wasn’t an eligible bachelor. but, you’re used to it. so long as you get to watch him in the spotlight, you don’t really mind the darkness. 
you sigh, crossing your arms over your chest. “right
 are we done here? because this ‘gold digger’ wants to see their partner and congratulate him.”
“what part aren’t you understanding?” one of them asks before the other one completes the sentence. “you and kaiser just don’t look good together!”
before you could answer, a heavy arm drapes itself over your shoulders. “aww, why not?” a familiar voice asks. the two girls in front of you freeze, panic evident on their faces. “what disturbances held you up from seeing me?”
then you see and hear an overload of flashes and camera clicks. kaiser must’ve caught the paparazzi on his way out and you suddenly remember that you left him waiting, feeling slightly guilty when you turn your head to meet his gaze. you wrap your arms around his torso, happier than ever to feel his warmth against your own. 
“what happened here?” kaiser asks, a question directed at you and you only. 
“they were just telling me that they didn’t like that i was a main role in your theatre,” you say, earning an eyebrow raise from your genius boyfriend. “how should we fix that?”
he hums for a moment, meeting the widened eyes of his fans.
“kick them out,” he simply declares before turning around with you still in his arms. you two pass by paparazzi, paying them little mind except from the small smiles you send their way. 
once you’re in a clearer, quieter area, your boyfriend turns to you and embraces you properly, a gesture you return eagerly as he breathes you in.
“what a way to sour such a good victory,” murmurs kaiser, voice muffled by his jersey that you were wearing. “can’t believe i had to play your knight in shining armour instead of the king that i am.”
you pinch his neck which causes him to flinch with a little shriek. always leave it to you to dumb down his narcissism.
“i was handling it myself pretty well, y’know,” you sigh, “being the michael kaiser’s partner, i’ve grown immune to the hate i receive.”
kaiser frowns, “i didn’t think it happened often,” he whispers. “i’m sorry. how many times have you had to defend yourself without me knowing?”
“it hardly matters-”
“-but it does. i don’t like when people slander you, less when it’s for no reason other than because you’re with me. you should be marvelled at and admired, just like the masterpiece you are.”
his words cause butterflies to erupt in your stomach, a feeling you mask with a playful eye roll. 
“yes but,” you counter, reaching to cup his cheek, “being with you makes up for it.” 
he smirks, contrasting the downhearted expression he wore moments earlier. kaiser’s skill of immediately recovering from whatever kicks him down truly is something to behold and at times, envy. “of course it does,” he boasts, dramatically flipping one of his bangs. 
“besides, i’m willing to fight back if it means i get to be with you.”
before he can argue back, you grab his arm and pull him towards the entrance.
“now come on, let’s talk about it another day. i believe i owe you sixty kisses.”
“make it one hundred now for leaving me waiting for so long.”
“if you get too greedy i’ll leave you on the sidewalk.”
“you’d do that to your king? how dare you!”
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ISAGI YOICHI:
“what does your mum like?” you ask a clueless isagi who simply stares at the range of perfumes that the department store had displayed.
“i have no idea,” he mutters. “i never really paid attention to what smells she used.”
“fragrances, yoichi, not smells.”
“oh. right,” the star soccer player rubs his neck awkwardly, smiling sheepishly at you after correcting his small mistake. 
he was so adorable, you wanted to pinch his cheeks.
this was the first time that isagi was buying a gift for his mother with his own money, and the first person he turned to for help was his partner: you, explaining that this had to be the best gift she’s ever received. for how much she’s done for him, and how much she’s supported his soccer career, isagi doesn’t know if he can repay it through money, but gifts are hard to deny regardless.
readily agreeing to help, you have memories of isagi’s mother welcoming you into the family with warm arms. she would tell you how beautiful you are, how excited she was to meet you, and that her son better treat you well otherwise you could always turn to her for help; a statement that made the star striker gulp.
“i mean, you could never go wrong with a few classics like carolina herrera, dior, or chanel?” you suggest, walking over to the section filled with perfumes contained in shelves, their respective brands displayed on top. isagi follows you like a lost puppy, clinging close to your side by holding your hand, squeezing it ever so often.
everything you’re saying is going in one ear and through the other, and isagi lets it show on his face. 
“don’t worry yoichi, any perfume you pick tends to be a good gift regardless, besides, we have the whole day to figure out what your mum likes,” you reason logically, just in case it might provide him with some relief in the midst of expensive, designer fragrances. 
“right,” he huffs, reaching out to read the labels of some bottles.
after a long hunt of going through the shelves, he eventually settles on a fragrance from maison francis (with a pricetag that made you gawk yet isagi was very calm about, agreeing without even thinking about it), but since the packaged version was locked in a glass cabinet, you opted to call a store attendant.
“that’s a great idea, babe, need me to go with you?” he asks, readjusting the strap of his beat-up bag, the one he’s had since high school. funny how some things don’t change for isagi, you love that about him.
you shake your head in response, telling him to ‘wait here’ before strolling off.
however, during this brief time of being without you, isagi was approached by a trio who looked like they were a family, the eldest holding a phone between his hand.
“isagi yoichi?” he asks timidly, fiddling with the phone.
the soccer player flashes a friendly smile, hoping to reduce any of the anxiety they might feel from approaching him. he was just an average, friendly guy after all. “that’s me, need anything?”
“can we take a picture?” the middle daughter asks, pressing her hands together in a pleading motion.
“of course! come on.”
the set of siblings smile eagerly before ambling to isagi’s side, who squats down so he could fit in frame. after a ‘3, 2, 1’ countdown, the photo is taken and just as the dark-haired athlete was about to stand up, a store attendant approaches.
“would you like me to take the picture?” they ask politely, gesturing to the phone.
simultaneously, everyone agrees and soon enough, the photo is taken and done, allowing isagi to high-five them before waving them off, the three of them thanking him profusely for his time.
the store attendant lingers, turning to face him with wide eyes of admiration. “wow, i didn’t think i’d ever get to meet you!” they exclaim. “i watched your match against the under-20 team like so long ago! you were amazing!”
“oh, yeah,” isagi chuckles, flustered at all this recognition, even though he’s been getting more and more of it lately, “thank you for your support.”
although he inwardly cringes at the line that he’s reused over and over again, the store helper thinks nothing of it, beaming back at him. “you’re super cute too, do you think i could get your number?”
isagi lets his shock show on his face before blurting out: “no, i have a partner already.”
the attendant’s face drops into a look of disappointment and the striker wants to run off to find you. you never should have left him alone.
“what a shame. the person that you were just with right?” isagi nods. “don’t know what you think is so special about them, i personally think you’re too good for them and should find someone better, but, it’s not up to me.”
isagi feels his vision zero in, growing red with each word. him? too good for you? what irony.
“excuse me?” he vocalised lowly- practically a growl as he eyes the employee down. “i’m giving you three seconds to get out of my sight before i-.”
he’s too preoccupied with the fury he feels to notice the way the attendant squeaks, eyes laced with fear, before scurrying off mid-sentence, fully intimidated by the striker. isagi sighs, slumping his shoulders. he’s never used that tone to anyone outside of soccer in an attempt of pre-game slander and now he just misses you.
where did you run off to?
right on queue, you materialise beside him, huffing with a pout on your face. “i couldn’t find any store attendants, that’s so weird! where’d they go?”
deciding against telling you that he just scared one away for trashing you, he simply leans his body weight on you, sighing when you embrace him tightly so he wouldn’t knock the both of you over.
“whoa, what’s gotten into you all of a sudden?” you ask, unable to hide the smile on your face from his sudden acts of affection. “everything okay, love?” 
“i want to go home,” he whispers against your shoulder. “spend some time with you.”
“what about the gift?”
“i’ll order it online. it can arrive in time.”
relenting, you pluck him off you with great effort. “if you’re sure then, okay, let’s go home.”
“we can get takeout from your favourite on the way home.”
“what’s the occasion?”
“thought i needed to show you how much i appreciate you.”
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gothiethefairy · 5 months ago
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so, i've been thinking about laios's relationship with his mother. we all know about his daddy issues by now, but no one thinks about his mother. i mean, he disowned her as well. he hardly talks about her. he has a lot to say about his dad but when it comes to his mother, the most he'll say is "idk, she was kinda sick a lot."
and i think it was because he did hold her on a high pedestal. she's his mother, his protector. i know for sure she babied him a lot. mothers who's first-born is a son mostly do.
she was the one who even gifted him his precious monster manual!
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so, what happened? why did he also lump her with his father and decided "i'm never speaking to them ever again." ?
to put it in simple terms, it was falin. laios was so upset about how his parents treated the situation about the villagers' abuse to falin. both of them didn't know how to handle it, but they both failed at protecting her. the best their father can come up with is sending falin away to the magic school. (without explaining why bc their dad sucked at communicating with his family.)
their village was also very conservative, especially towards magic-users. i always found it to be odd since magic does seem to be the norm in the "dungeon meshi" world, however evidence shows it's not all well-known all around the world. i mean, rin's parents were burnt to death for using magic that was thought to be "black magic".
and falin's natural magical talent being "talking to the dead" would make anyone nervous bc that could be linked to black magic.
their mother is always described to be "frail", and i bet it's mostly because she's very superstitious. gotta be honest here as well, she maybe wasn't mentally healthy. this is just an assumption but their mom comes off as paranoid and anxious, and then does these made-up rituals to try to "heal" her daughter.
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hurting falin like this was the final nail in the coffin for laios, because maybe he thought he could rely on her? "hey mom, can you tell dad not to send falin away? please?"
yeah, she had "good intentions", but she still abused her daughter? because she made the situation about herself and went "oh god, it's my fault my daughter is a freak. i have to fix this."
also, laios looking so stressed and haggard here makes me so sad. like, what if their mother did something similar to him when he was younger? he wouldn't care about himself getting hurt, but seeing his own mother doing it to falin is nerve-wrecking.
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the way both siblings are portrayed as autistic in different ways is important to their characters. just because falin understood why their parents did what they did, doesn't make it okay. they still hurt her, and laios knows that. and in a way, they hurt him too.
if their parents couldn't protect them from awful, nasty people and expected their children to just bare it, how can laios trust them?
this is scary to see for a child.
after that, he pretty much gave up on his parents and never looked back. but i also think, if he misses them, it's more his mother than his father.
afterall, he did his best to keep his monster manual safe.
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spitdrunken · 10 months ago
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i keep thinking about essentially being like. velvette's 'charity case' model and how your relationship develops from there.
notes: fem!reader, velvette calls you ugly LMAO, beyond that... no warnings, really. surprisingly the most healthy vee relationship ive written yet!
velvette's typical models all look similar, reminiscent of the modeling industry back when you were alive. tall, skinny and, more important than anything else, human-looking. most of them could pass for humans in a costume.
you
 do not. you just didn't get quite that lucky with your demon form! really, you can say that the vast majority of people drew the short end of the stick, at least by the kind of standards that people like velvette set. maybe you're a bat, with a snout you've deemed as pig-like taking up most of your face. or a sheep, your single-slitted, dead eyes making even you uncomfortable. perhaps you're more formed after an object than what you would consider a person, or plant-like in nature! in any regards, due to the way lucifer chose to have you reborn you firmly do not fall within hell's beauty standards.
all of that means you were absolutely not expecting to be accepted when you went ahead and applied to a job with someone as famous and perfectionistic as velvette. it had started as a joke, really. you'd posted a purposefully horrible picture of yourself on vitter, with a stupid caption like; "do u think that :skull::heart: would kill me for submitting to open casting looking like this lmaooooo" (you have to use emojis to talk about the vees, as the socials owned by them are notorious for taking anything remotely negative down.)
and unexpectedly, your post randomly did some pretty big numbers, with people egging you on and some practically begging to tell you what kind of insults she would sling at your head. you saw some people copying your original as well.
so you're like! whatever!!! you don't think that you'd even get through the application process, much less velvette herself. nothing will end up happening, so, who cares? but then, somehow, despite everyone and their mom wanting to model for velvette, you get
 through? and you even get an interview scheduled with velvette herself?
she takes one look at you as you walk in, and just goes: oh my god. this really is grim. and you're hardly seated, before she continues. look, i don't have the time for niceties, and introductions are entirely unnecessary. i'm sure you already know this, but you're not here because of your looks.
yeah. you figured that. 
i guessed so. but i'm still sitting here. so, why?
instead of getting a real answer, you're shuffled off into a shoot, different outfits flashing on top of your body, faster than you blink, velvette's face settled into a scowl, till it suddenly lights up. it doesn't go
 super well, you've never really done this and, if you had, velvette's attitude surely wouldn't help. you never really get clarity as to why you're being hired, when a contract is shoved in front of you.
(the reality of the situation is that velvette had seen you trending, not trending-trending, but still a noticable. she realised the demand for someone like you, a 'relatable' every-demon being thrust into this new world, and documenting it online. her company can claim they accept 'all kinds of demons', and some poor suckers will feel less excluded when looking at her fashion, buying it more quickly. win-win-win!)
she tells you to you're face that you're the ultimate challenge. if she can fix someone like you up to in a half-decent model, it just shows that she really is a fucking goddess. maybe you're not as pretty or as used to everything as the rest of the models, but that doesn't mean you don't put in any effort now that you're there. the other girls won't associate with you whatsoever, but you do listen in on their conversations, pretending to mess around on your phone, coming to know the kind of make-up velvette likes. you tirelessly browse online, mostly on vikvok and vitter, figuring out the current trends. and after a while, velvette takes a look at an outfit you picked, and actually says

this is pretty decent. it won't look good on you, but i can use this. maybe, somewhere along the way, you become more of an assistant or outfit suggestor for velvette, only occasionally stopping in for shoots. velvette never accepted anyone in a similar position to you, even though vox tried her to get an assistant for ages, and she wouldn't have accepted you either if you'd obviously being vying for the position. but you weren't, and your position just kind of naturally developed that way.
your shtick as a 'charity case' has somewhat been abandoned, though velvette still dumps clothes in your arms sometimes and tells you to try them on. maybe you're one of the few people who gets her to laugh, and the only one who she freely bitches to about all of her models. (she does this to vox and valentino too, but it's not the same. they don't care as much, nor do they really know who she's talking about.) she lets you sort through some of the open casting applications and help pick out the theme for a shoot.
of course, absolutely everything you do has to go through velvette first, and she still criticizes you aplenty, but you can't help but feel she has grown
 fond of you, in a sense? sometimes, you swear you see her wearing outfits you'd picked out for another model
 and while she shittalks everything that moves, you just happened to listen in on her giving a model a tonguelashing for talking bad about you. either way, you've certainly come to like her a lot more. you're now even mutuals on vitter and vikvok! much to the delight of the tiny following you'd grown on there. she even posted a picture of the two of you on there! 
that means you've really made it.
maybe at some point, when her company has hit a new milestone and, in a rare slip-up (or perhaps valentino gave her a super strong drink on purpose, thinking its funny) she gets pretty drunk. you end up sitting opposite of each other in a bar, with her having decided on the spot to put some make-up on you, leaning in close to check her work, fingers gliding slowly over your skin. a situation that feels entirely too intimate for this setting, not helped by the half-lidded look in your eyes. 
i have changed my mind. she mumbles, slurring her words are little. you can look pretty, after all.
you sputter out a oh really, and you only realised that now?! in order to break the heaviness of the air, the unspoken tension that makes your heart skip a beat, and velvette laughs.
(maybe there's hope for the two of you yet.)
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amirasainz · 5 months ago
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heyy !! I absolutely got HOOKED on baby!sainz reader and I'd like to ask you to write a fic about baby sainz when she's in a new relationship with an unproblematic celebrity (your choice) and the grid and the grid and her brother want them to break up by framing her boyfriend cus they think nobody is good enough for her. but she is actually happy and it's her first healthy relationship and when she finds out about what they did she is very upset with them and in the end Reyes scolds Carlos for ruining her relationship and tells him to go and fix it (ikkk its veryyy long ;] )
I'm back!!!! I changed this request a little bit but I hope you still like it.
Guys I got the notification that some request went lost on their way to me. Please, feel free to send me your request again, and I will writeit as soon as possible.
Enjoy reading and let me know if you have some whishes.
-XoXo
No Part 2!!!!
20-Step plan
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When Amira Sainz and TimothĂ©e Chalamet officially announced their relationship, they didn’t just break the internet, but also the Formula 1 paddock. As usual in such situations, the drivers already had a 20-step plan. A few months ago, the drivers all prepared the plan, like some might prepare for an apocalypse. So when the perfect time arrived, the drivers set their plan into motion. Don’t get them wrong, of course they want Amira to be happy. However, in their eyes, no man was the one for Amira, even if TimothĂ©e was one of the most unproblematic actors in Hollywood. So after a “how-to-get-the-two-of-them-to-break-up-and-cheer-Amira-up-afterwards” meeting, the plan was set into motion.
Everything was going smoothly. They got to know TimothĂ©e when Amira and he visited the paddock in Canada. Then, they made sure that they spent more time around the couple. After some time, they took them partying, even going so far as only going with TimothĂ©e partying. They wanted to test his loyalty. They started little rumors about TimothĂ©e, talked with him about his exes in front of Amira, even making “innocent” assumptions about him and his co-workers. Even though nothing fazed the couple, the plan went smoothly. Until it didn’t.
“Carlos, I just feel wrong,” stated Charles. Lando, Carlos, George, Alex, and Oscar turned to their Monegasque friend after hearing his tone. Charles was deathly pale, his hands shaking. “Mate, are you okay?” asked George. “Yeah, you look horrible,” added Oscar. “Don’t worry Charles, you can help with the next step when we—” before Lando could finish his sentence, Charles exploded. “No. NO! No more us sabotaging your sister’s relationship. No more starting rumors. No more plan. I’m done with this.” Charles’ outburst made all his friends stare at him, shocked. “Guys, don’t you see how happy they are? How in love they are?” He looked at all of his friends who at least had the decency to look down. “Percival, we are just making sure that Amira is—” “No, Carlos. We are trying to ruin something that is beautiful. We all just want Amira to be happy and comfortable. And if she feels that way with TimothĂ©e by her side, then we just have to accept that.” After a moment, he continued: “If you guys want to continue, then fine. But every action has consequences.” With that, he left the room, making the other five share some looks with each other.
What they were unaware of was that Amira was standing in front of the door. She heard the whole “plan” they had and what their next step would be. Before one of the men could say anything, the door opened. They were met with Amira’s disappointed face, tears shining in her eyes. “Hermosa, what are you doing here?” asked Carlos. The moment he saw his sister, he stood up from his chair. “Carlos, what have you done? What have you all done? Why
 why are you doing this to me?” Immediately, all of the drivers tried to defend themselves, while also trying to console Amira. “You know what? Save it. I don’t want to hear anything.” With that, she left the room, leaving the rest of the drivers speechless behind.
It took the drivers three months and a lot of apology gifts for Amira to forgive them. Timothée, who heard everything from his beautiful girlfriend, also convinced her to forgive the drivers after seeing how miserable they were. So after the three months, everything was like it used to be. Amira got treated like a princess and all of them are still in love with her.
Bonus (+)
When Carlos walked into the kitchen, he was met with the sight of his mother, one shoe in her hand. “Carlos, sit down,” Reyes ordered sternly. After a moment of hesitation, he sat down. “Amira told me what you did. I am more than disappointed in you, young man.” “But mamá—” “Did I say you could speak?” she rhetorically asked. After sensing he wasn’t going to say anything, she continued. “As punishment, I will take away your phone and you will sit in the chair in the corner, thinking about what you did wrong.” “Ay, mamá. I am nearly 30 years old. You can’t
” He fell quiet after seeing his mother slowly raising the shoe. “
But some self-reflecting will definitely do me some good,” he whispered, before slowly sitting down in the “I-behaved-bad” chair.
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evmrellie · 7 months ago
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Labyrinth | s.r x gn!reader
summary: You're scared about your feelings for Spencer. Insp by labyrinth from Taylor Swift.
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genre: fluffly and hurt/comfort. pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader (I'm a girl so I wrote going on this way, but I think I didn't gave any descriptions abt being one, so it's totally safe for gn!readers <333 if I did, I'm sorry, I didn't notice.) words: 1,3K warnings: family issues, inexperienced!reader, reader never being in a relationship before, insecurity, anxiety, mention of toxic relationships (not between reader and anyone else) notes: hiii, this is my first oneshot so plss be nice đŸ˜­âœ‹đŸ» im not used to write like this, but I'm so obsessed with Spencer and I had this idea and I couldn't just let go. English it's not my first language, so forgive me if any mistakes or if u guys don't understand smth. not proofread. hope you guys like it !! <3
It only hurts this much right now
Was what I was thinking the whole time
You've never trusted relationships, not that you had experienced any, but what you saw growing up? What you were used to? Didn't make you want to get into one in the first place.
You never denied that you've dreamed about that; finding a true love and a nice, healthy relationship since you saw all your friends living it. That hurted you a little, but you learned how to live with it.
Breathe in, breathe through
Breathe deep, breathe out
I'll be getting over you my whole life
You tried to catch your breath, adjusting it as much as possible. You were used to unlearn the ability of breathing when you were around people who made you nervous, especially if you had a slightly crush on them. Actually, you unlearn every normal thing that humans do when they interact, it's like a part of your brain stops working and refused to turn it on again. He loved to make you embarrassed, especially in front of pretty nerd ish boys.
The first time you met Spencer it consumed all of your brain chemistry. Day and night making fantasies of how it would be meeting the boy again with the help of destiny, falling in love and maybe being obsessed with you the same way you were with him. But you knew that it was just a fantasy and it would never happen, it was just your brain trying to distract you from the real world and your real problems.
It was a nice escape though.
You know how scared I am of elevators
Never trust it if it rises fast
It can't last
Everything happened so fast in your time vision, it terrified you of how easy he was able to get through it. You were always scared of relationships because, yeah, it was nice and easy to fantasy about it, but to actually live it? That scared the shit out of you. All your Inexperience, insecurities and traumas couldn't be fixed from one day to another.
Everything that you learned from your parents was that if you dived in too quickly, it would be a mistake. Not only from your parents, but also from people you were close to, seeing their relationship rise too fast and going effortlessly and awfully down.
You never understood why they keept doing it, sinking into the same situation over and over again, sometimes with the same or a different guy. How they kept being pulled and compelled by it? You didn't understand because you never felt it.
It was so scary how relationships could rise so fast and sink at the same speed.
Uh oh, I'm falling in love
Oh no, I'm falling in love again
Oh, I'm falling in love
You understood why they kept like that in the worst — best— way possible.
When it first hit you that you were falling in love with Spencer felt like a harsh slap in your face, leaving red bruises and a terrible burning in. You didn't want to accept it, it was frightening to actually let it in.
Was getting hard with the passing time, he wasn't getting any easier and neither were his loving and caring acts. I mean, how could someone like him be so.. careful with you? You felt like a broken piece who would never be loved and receive this kinda of treatment, it was starting to confuse you.
You knew he wasn't the type of person who liked being touched or touching other ones, but with you? Every possibility of being close to you, hugging you, touching your hand and giving a sweet cuddle in that same spot was driving you insane. He made sure that any free time he had, he spent with you. Or even at work, in his free time that he used to call you.
Reid talked to you about his mom and his abandonment issues with his father so openly that made you open yourself with him too. You didn't want to scare him telling him about your family situation or make him think you're a weird, problematic person, but you couldn't let him vent to you and not say a thing. He hasn't change with you. In fact, it only bought you both closer.
You ended up accepting what you felt for him, you didn't want to fight against it, deep down was a comfort feeling. For the first time you felt what everyone around you always talked about. And oh god, it really was an amazing feeling. But no, you would never tell him that. The thought of how this could end so fast after telling him that because probably it wasn't reciprocal, hurted you so bad that keeping it to yourself was the best decision you could make.
I thought the plane was going down
How'd you turn it right around
“Why are you looking at me like that?” His voice called you off of your own thoughts, his Cheshire Cat smile growing as he saw your face turning into a shade of burgundy.
“Like what?” You asked.
“Like a deer lost in the headlights.” He snorted a laugh.
“What?! I'm not-“
He interrupted you, getting up from the chair where he was lost doing his usual puzzles. Spencer walked over to you, resting one of his hands on your face while the other one brushed away a few strands of hair that fell into your eyes. You automatically snuggled your face between Spencer's hands, smirking and closing your eyes, enjoying the gentle caress his fingers made on your cheeks.
“Tell me, please.” He begged you, you could easily hear the smile into his words. He was always so polite, it made you want to scream into a pillow and kick your feets in the air.
You sighed, tired to hide how you felt.
“Honestly? About you. I think I already fell for you.”
It only feels this raw right now
Lost in the labyrinth of my mind
You were scared of his reaction, to look at him and see his eyes falling in pity for you; About him suddenly telling you to go home because he didn't felt the same and saying that this wouldn't work between you two. But to be honest, you couldn't hide anymore, not for him and not for yourself. You needed to break free from this labyrinth you created on your mind, there's no way you could keep up with this and stay cool like it didn't made your chest burn everytime you looked at him.
He surprised you by just laughing softly.
Break up, break free, break through, break down
You would break your back to make me break a smile
“Well, i’m pretty sure i am terriefiedly in love with you.”
You swore that if this was a joke you would combust and turn into a million pieces of yourself, no one would ever find you again.
Your eyes caught up at his sparkling hazel irises that conveyed how much he begged for the same answer. You always felt something carving like a dagger inside your chest when he looked at you like that, like you could break him with any wrong do.
It was absolutely terrifying how easy he broke you to this, to this situation where you could never lie and deny that you felt the exactly same for him. You were head over heels for him. Not in a million of worlds you could imagine that Spencer Reid felt the same thing you did for him, but you were also pretty sure that you were the one who would end up with the heart completely shattered if this ever come to an end.
“I love you so much, Spence.” You said, and then his lips parted open and you were able to feel his sweet taste coming into yours.
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omegamoo · 1 month ago
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i genuinely feel really really deranged about the scott cleo pearl teamup with impulse hanging out. like. like
okay i think that, from the perspective of a guy who mainly watches scott, one of the fascinating things about the life series is his relationships with the divorce quartet. while ofc theres a ton of fandom focus on the flower husbands, and lots of in-series references and a huge impact on both of them, cjimmy and cscott have largely gone their separate ways.
but scott, pearl, and cleo? GOOD GOD. the life series for c!scott is this revolving door cycle of loving and hurting between those three - and martyn but thats another post. scott and pearl do everything for each other in Last life. they are the dynamic duo of all time. they're strategic, they're strong. and they do the same thing with cleo when she joins the group. scott is would do anything for them - the boogeyman curse is RIGHT THERE. this: the loving.
i think in some ways double life can be understood by the widow's alliance in third life. when neither scott or cleo can find their soulmate, they choose each other. when their soulmates finally appear, it's too late, because there's nothing there except the echoes of teaming in last life. they're not an alliance right now, there's no reason why they should be. and scott just won, just dealt with killing everyone he knows and having that blood on his hands. he is at the most toxic part of his arc, and he is not afraid to hurt pearl and justify himself when she hurts him. he loves cleo. he is hurting pearl. he loves pearl, still, though i think - he hasn't forgotten last life. i just think he doesn't know what to do with that.
you can dig into all kinds of compartmentalization of scott's feelings here - he kills ren to win in last life but also in revenge for ren killing pearl. he was terrified when he thinks about what happened in third life with jimmy - when jimmy died, he was catatonic, a shadow of his usual self. i think there's a lot of what he does to pearl in dl that stems from this - he can't allow himself to do that again. he can love and love and love, but not if it means he's weak. this is the hurting, and it never stops.
and of course scott's self sacrificial tendencies... i think he still loves pearl at the end, and for him, the biggest show of love is to give up everything. so he gives pearl the win! done and dusted. surely that will fix everything, except it DOESN'T, because pearl doesn't need that from scott. she doesn't need him to kill himself for her - she wants to be able to take back all of that hurt from the season by killing him, even! but she says she forgives him, because she recognizes what that means and what he just did. or because she wants to win, or because she loves him, or whatever. or all of it.
i think the end of secret life showcases that very well. when pearl chases down scott in the finale, she shouts that they have unfinished business, that he still owes her something that he took from her in double life. she says she forgave him at the time, but she didn't really - they haven't talked. that hurt still lingers, still aches, is still festering.
and now they're TEAMED UP AGAIN. because they love each other. because they don't know what to do without each other. because scott and cleo will choose each other over and over and over again, because scott loved pearl infinitely and endlessly in last life and was still willing to give her the win in double life. because out of everyone, at this point, they know each other best. AND THEY EVEN SAY THAT. "out of everyone, you know what we're like." is it a healthy decision? no. they can't communicate anymore, they have all of this festering between them and scott and cleo are pretty toxic and unlikely to apologize... and they can't stop bringing it up, because it's this elephant in the room.
it makes me sick. these guys are bound by the red dog chain of fate. they can't stop loving each other and because of it they will never stop hurting each other. what the FUCK
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