#why did i mention doing the dishes so much tf

[rosie-the-posie]

how i view shifting!! 🎀

so after years of learning and cultivating my own idea of what shifting is and how it works, here’s my take on what it is and how i understand it:

as many people mention when they talk about their shifting beliefs, i also take into account how creation is finished.

meaning, everything that has, is, and will happen already did across all realities (the however many infinities of them that exist)

because this is true, time no longer has any meaning because all moments in all realities exist at the same exact moment. now.

starting out, i always associated shifting with movement, going from one reality to another.

but really, there is no movement because you’re already in both/all realities that exist right now. you’re just more focused on this one rn.

here are some affirmations that i say when im shifting (bc ik for a fact that ive exhausted the others where i feel like it’s more habit to say them and i don’t really focus on what i say anymore)

i am fully aware and conscious in my dr/wr

i am happy that i have shifted, just like every other time i try

i know i have shifted, because i know that have before and i will again

i am fully grounded in my dr/wr

i am disconnected from my other reality (not original reality, because there really isn’t an original one)

it’s honestly crazy how every time i try to shift, i’m successful

(after saying like, one affirmation) i don’t have to affirm anything anymore because im already completely grounded in my dr/wr, but i’ll keep going bc i want to

i don’t like to say “i am in my dr/wr”, because why should i have to affirm that part? i’ve always existed there and have been there, i shouldn’t have to affirm that yk yk?

one of the most important things i've learned on the journey is how insignificant and not special shifting actually is.

yes, when we think of shifting we usually think of going from being in a reality without anything 'special' to being in one where you study magic or you are a superhero with powers or you're literally a deity.

but what shifting boils down to is focusing on one reality to another based on what we want to happen. by going to a reality where specific actions and moments take place.

therefore, we shift with every single action we take in life.

some of you reading this may have just changed the position they were reading in or fiddled with your hair a bit.

newsflash: you just shifted, babe.

you shifted from a reality where you were completely fine in your position or you didn't touch your hair to one where you did. because you wanted to. because you could.

to clarify, here's an example: I shift to my drs to experience the scripted moments that I know will happen. In my cr, there are dirty dishes I know are in the sink to be washed. I know I will wash them later. In this reality, the moments from my dr haven't taken place but will once I set the intention to shift. My dishes will remain dirty unless I set the intention to clean them. once i get up and do the dishes, I've shifted to the reality where I've done the dishes in that moment. Once I shift to my dr, I've shifted to the reality where those moments happen as I've scripted they will.

as shifters, we often get caught up in the amazing worlds we get to experience that we ignore the fact that shifting is all the little things you do on a daily basis.

Instead of thinking of shifting in your current reality as you just scripting moments from your drs in your head while absentmindedly doing the dishes, shifting is present just as much in the action of you doing the dishes. bc there is 100% a reality where those dishes were left undone.

this post is long enough, oopsies. 🤭

you are the universe and more, babes 🎀

[mr-stottlemonk]

Sorry it’s been a minute, but MC-Anon back again!

If you could write an episode, what would it be about? Or alternatively: if you could confirm Stottlemonk in canon, how would you do it?

(This is a hard question so u can think about it so so much to make up for me being away for a minute. Also not back immediately but just figured I should say I’m still here)

hi dear mc-anon!! welcome back /0/ <3.

yanno, xD. i'm giggling cause like, this ask gave me ANOTHER idea for a fic (someone save me) but also i have a couple ideas for fics that seem like "episodes" that could be canon too!!

now hmm, if i could confirm they were canon with the subtle way they like to hint at things in the show:

monk making leland lunch every single day after the episode very, very old man [s02e05]. leland going "why tf is he making me lunches all of a sudden?" + the precinct going "oh who's the girl cap'n?" -> the girl is monk, you fools. monk doesn't know he's pining either, he just wants leland to be well fed and know he's loved. monk's love language is acts of service <3. the way to a man's heart is through his stomach somethin' somethin'.

NEXT UP. *drumroll* we can also go for the classic (hilson) move: them moving in together!! living together!! domestic feels!! domestic love!! coming home to each other!! going home together after a case!! being there when the other has a bad day!! JUST BEING THERE AND HOLDING HANDS BY ACCIDENT WHILE WATCHING TV. pls imagine leland doing the dishes exactly the way adrian likes them... without asking. would our beloved mr. monk not cry a damn river right there? adrian buying leland his favorite packs of beer. recording the shows he knows leland likes... i feel this should have happened in s5/s6. we we're robbed y'all 😔✊️.

now the third one ;"). everyone starts mistaking them for a couple - like they dont outright mention it but after the couple of times recently that every damn witness/suspect etc goes "are you two like... *vague hand gestures" or "your man over there. don't know how you deal with him" or the officers in the precinct going "monk, the captain's having a real bad day, could you come over for a while?" pls. everyone is shipping them. even randy going "we're the children of divorce" @ natalie (ง ื▿ ื)ว

the fourth is just me being silly and wanting cottage husbands au... its kinda canon?? cause it DID happen sorta... but them retiring and moving to a small town... i feel like i'm going off topic xD.

stay safe dear!! remember to drink water! take care of yourself :3

but yes! that's what i feel could confirm stottlemonk canon.

also, i asked a friend ( @s-misaki ) and they said: adrian getting shot in front of leland (he doesn't die ofc, but dramatic af adrian + leland going through so many emotions. them helping each other out to recover... hehe)

p.s that first idea is actually a fic i'm writing.

p.p.s: so is the second idea ( ´ ꒳ ` ).

[quevadilla]

rant abt my previous manager i just need to get it out

ok so tldr my previous manager made me wanna quit my job which i, for the most part, very much enjoy but he quit and i love our new manager. this is just some stuff me did that upset me to the point of desiring job searching again

he was always in a shitty mood but let it affect his work so as his only full timer i got the brunt of that except he would actually talk to me whereas he wouldn't even return one of my coworker's texts if he would speak to her at all during her shift. like how childish of you, you're a grown man who can't handle her valid criticism of how you're doing your job not to mention that she's worked there for almost three years now. but like one specific incident where he was upset but taking it out on me in a way is it was near the beginning of my shift (prob 6-630am?) and I'm a barista so i was prepping cold brew for later so i had my back completely turned to the front counter and we're the only two working (at the time the previously mentioned coworker was out w shingles) and so he asked me if I had seen a customer up front who i obviously hadn't seen bc i was prepping so i was like 'oh shit no i didn't my bad' to which he responds with 'well i need you to be paying more attention, i can't be doing everything myself ://' and i was just immediately taken aback like why did you feel the need to get passive aggressive w me instead of just saying 'hey can you grab the front counter I'm preoccupied w catering' (which we were) like it just pissed me tf off and later that same day after close i brought back smth we had used for cooking and he was like 'oh bring that back up we didn't use it much' which first of all 🤢🤢🤢 but he has a food service background and he was still going to leave a used dish for over twelve hours without washing and sanitizing it? fucking disgusting. i was just so done that i left the dish and clocked out and went home. like whatever treat me like shit all day see how much longer I'll stick around.

i actually found out right after he left that he was the one holding back my full promotion to shift lead and when I tell you i was fuming I'm not exaggerating. like our district manager aka HIS BOSS discussed promoting me his response was basically 'we will give her half the raise and once she's been here a full year we'll promote her the rest of the way'. like wtf?? I'm still so fucking upset bc he really liked me as an employee and i had run the store before TWICE in his absence (with staff from other locations but they were only trained in food production so i was taking orders at the front counter and in the drive thru and making drinks and taking payment in the drive thru yk just normal entry level position shit 🤪🤪) and he just. didn't want to promote me. like it hurts it really stings i still feel so rejected.

he won a lunch for his employees for answering some question in an email from our regional manager and like explained that he wanted to do it on a weekend where most of our staff and the only other coworker I worked w regularly would be there and i was like '....ok?' and so he did and he didn't even invite me? his only full-time employee? like it would have been during business hours so they could all have it during their lunch breaks but he didn't even tell me when so I could participate? what the actual fuck is up w that? like if I had quit while he still managed the store he would've been fucked!

and he never hired anyone while he was there so we were chronically understaffed. our new manager has been w us for prob a month and we already have i think three whole new hires.

anyways rant over. if you read it, thanks for listening, you really didn't have to. I just needed to get it off my chest.

[comestopbylove]

Hhhhh can we have flirty Izzy x oblivious reader headcanons where the crew has to give the reader a lil nudge so they finally get it?

Izzy Hands x Reader

(Readers GN, we got some wholesome BlackBeard, also my first HC so I hope y’all like it- much love GoatLady<3)

- Izzy likes to think he’s a straight forward person- he always makes his view and opinions known, that being said it was easy for The Crew to tell his feelings for you

-When he’s yelling and spewing insults at The Crew for not cleaning well enough or slacking it’s never directed at you, in the same breath he’s telling you what a great job you’ve done and asking if you need anything

-“Excellent work today y/n- at least someone knows how to do their fucking job” “You look thirsty, go get some water you’ve helped this lot enough”

-He liked the way you saw the things around you- you’re a fearsome pirate, but managed to be a breath of fresh air.

-He’d sit for hours on ‘breaks’ just listening to you talk about whatever you were interested in, and he remembered everything.

- after awhile you and Iz build up a friendship and that’s when the touching starts- casual of course but god does he cherish every bit of it.

-Usually he’d pull away at the grazing of hands or meet the linking of arms with verbal threats but god did every thing that you did naturally make him melt and there was no hiding it from anybody

-Except for the one person he wished would notice the most - you.

-His favorite memory was when after a particularly long day and every one was tired and in the process of bedding down for the night he’d noticed something on ur face. He removed his glove to get it for you, but couldn’t notice how well your face fit into the palm of his hand, how soft ur skin was, how pretty your sleep filled eyes looked in the dim moon light.

-“Goodnight, y/n.” He managed to choke out “G’night Izzy” you said with a sleepy smile. He slept well that night, because every thought and dream he had now envolved you.

- One night after dinner you elected to go help Roach clean up in the kitchen, abandoning ur spot next to Izzy and as he watched you walk away that’s when Lucius and the others swarmed

-Mostly picking at him and making fun of todays failed attempts of getting ur attention, some bad advice, everyone was to busy messing with (j)izzy that they were unaware that black beard had re-entered the room

-Out of everyone that had to watch the car crash that was Izzy’s attempts at your love it was Ed that had to witness the aftermath of every fail.

-Meanwhile in the kitchen, You and roach were washing pots and pans when the laughter erupted

-“I wonder what their bothering him about now.”you huffed shaking your head. Roach laughed and shook his head “I’m afraid it is not my place to tell you y/n” “No, but it is mine-”

-You and Roached both jumped a little (roach much more than you) at Ed’s sudden appearance. “Roach, why don’t you go join the others me and Y/n can take it from here” and Roach happily got tf out. Ed had approached the sink pulling his hair up into a bun and continued working on the pot Roach had abandoned.

-You and Ed discussed todays raid and laughed about the silly little British merchant aboard the ship. He talked about how happy he was things were slowly getting back to normal and you agreed to.

-After a while of comfortable silence BlackBeard spoke. “You know he likes you, right?” He tilted his head at you with a half grin and soft eyes. “Who?” “You’re kidding? Izzy- he’s head over heals with you!”

-And it all clicked. You’d stopped washing the dish in ur hand and just sort of froze leaving your hands in the dirty water.

-“I‘be been a bit of a moron haven’t I?” You asked “No- well, yah but we all have our moments, don’t we? I mean look what I did!” Both you and Ed Cringed at even the mention of the kraken and silently decided to sort those feelings out another day.

-“What do I do?” “Well, are you interested in him?” Ed asked in return “Oh god yes” “THEN GO TO HIM” at this point he was flicking water at you as you ran out the kitchen and out the dining room- it was considerably later than it was before and by this time he’d retired to his bedroom

-You frantically knocked on the cabin door and Izzy answered, his clothes in various stages of undressing

-“y/n! Is everything okay?”

-You immediately hugged him. You had one hand to the back of his head and the other wrapped around is upper back. He was at a total loss for words and just sunk his head into the crook of your neck and wrapped his arms around your middle.

-After awhile you pulled up and cupped his face “Izzy, I’m so sorry I was such a-” “No it’s my fault I should’ve just told you Dear it’s my fau-” you cut him off with the softest kiss this man has ever felt in his life.

-That night you both agreed to stay by the others side come hell or hot water before falling asleep on top of one another in Izzy’s bed

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL

May 2021 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Lovely Writer Ep 12 fin - that was a long arse final ep, but solid performances. I liked that we focused on the fallout amongst the side characters. (Very clever of them to depict Chap with Tae, his Y-Destiny pairing. Especially as both actors are slated for new BL roles with different partners again, The Tuxedo and You’re My Sky.) The camera certainly enjoyed wallowing in Sib & Gene’s separation, but that’s an Asian drama for you. They like to DWELL. (Frankly, I like a bit of wallowing myself.) I thought the inclusion of the “actual” writer at the very end thoroughly unnecessary. I don’t think they had to beat us over the head with the 4th wall meta quite that much. Still, this is probably one of the best BLs we’re getting from non-GMMtV Thailand this year. RECOMMENDED 

Y-Destiny Ep 8 - (Thurs) I found the first half uninteresting but once Casper the Friendly Gay showed up it was fine. The ghost reminded me a bit of Fuse from MIR. 

Close Friend Ep 4: (Just One Life) - is it just me or is Talay insanely charismatic? Anygay, the director got ahold of a drone for this one and would like us to KNOW ABOUT THAT FACT. Look, I just don’t think YoonLay have great chemistry but this was alright, cute enough. 

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 6 - This was a better installment than we’ve had in a while. I like the obsession vs love explanation from Mork, insightful if creepy. Meen & Duean are okay, I guess. A bit annoying. Everyone in this show is a bit annoying. But the wipe toothpaste then wipe eye crud got to me. Toothpaste in the eye, yech! And then I was all, oh that’s basically this show: toothpaste in the eye. It just reviewed itself. (Also why do they keep switching aspect ratio between the two pairs? It’s like they were filming with two completely different camera types... oh. ah. Weird, GMMTV usually doesn’t make mistakes like that.) 

Call it What You Want Ep 6 fin - I skipped to the last ep on this, I told you I do that sometimes to find out what happened. So CIWYW ends happy for the main couple, but trigger warnings on: eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, depression, mental abuse, and a few other things. If you don’t mind your BL dark, gritty, self aware, and honest then you should be okay with this show. But if your preference is for fluff, then there are other fish in the sky. Speaking of... 

Nitiman Ep 2 - Giving me My Engineer vibes. This is OLD school Thai uni BL. I kinda feel like it was meant to come out in 2018, the gap year that was, but I am SO GRATEFUL we’re getting it now. Pay TF attention FUTS this is how you redeem a tsundere uke. Also I love that Bboom is just a terrible flirt and the football match twist was great. I love this show.  

Top Secret Together Ep 1 - it’s out there but no eng subs. It’s an office set romance with multiple couples all tangential to one building. A bit stilted and low production values but I’m intrigued. I hope we get subs... eventually.  

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 9 - gets the safe sex gold star for lube + condoms AND a verse discussion? Not to mention asking for sex advice from queer fam? Is this a first in BL? Might be. (I still think it’s weird that product placement hasn’t jumped on the lube bandwagon, too slippery perhaps?) I like the embezzlement drama. I always enjoy good outside conflict playing to setting, and this is the kind to be easily resolved in next week’s finale. What a roller coster this series has been. 

Papa & Daddy (Taiwan) Ep 5 - I LOVE THIS SHOW. A heartbeat after i thought, “they better address what he’s doing to the girls he’s dating,” they did it. Clever scripting that. The messaging is gorgeous, the idea that pride and media coverage and knowing about a changing world can broaden minds and lead to acceptance was basically Taiwan making a case for itself paving the way for marriage equality in Asia. Genius. 

Most Peaceful Place 2 (Vietnam) Ep 1 (AKA 4) - dropped with subs and improved production values, someone is learning (or got more dough). The younger brother’s drama is a bit confusing, but I am here for cute boyfriends being cute boyfriends together. And I love that they took the seme’s previous pair (from Nation’s Brother) to be the faen fatale, very crafty of them. Even though it’s not a trope I like, there’s great chemistry all around. 

My Lascivious Boss (Vietnam) Ep 6 - I weirdly love this show, okay? I’m just hoping Long has known Minh’s secret all along and is playing a reverse long con cat & mouse game, waiting for Minh to tell him the truth. Because that would be THE BEST. I could do without the faen fatale but ya can’t have everything. (I’m so glad it’s not the standard 6 ep arc, MOAR!!!) 

Gossip 

Rumor is GMMTV Thailand started shooting Baker Boys (here’s the teaser trailer). This is a remake of Antique (AKA Antique Bakery) a 2008 Korean movie (you can watch it on Viki) which is a remake of Antique (a 2001 Japanese series) with is an adaptation of wildly popular manga Antique Bakery. Knowing the plot I’m not sure this will qualify as BL. I’m still predicting Lee gets his first gay kiss in this series from Singto. More details about this series here. 

Breaking News

Love Area release pushed out, reportedly due to C19. (source DramaCool) 

Be Love In House: I Do (Taiwan, of course, with that title) got a new softer trailer (no subs). It drops next week, May 19, 2021 on Viki. All the information I have is here. 

Tangential to BL 

Two BL-adjacent shows, both from Taiwan. 

I’m watching Love is Science? on Viki which has a het foundation, but it’s a good one. There’s a BL side couple who are on an enemies to lovers slow burn trajectory; featuring a disaster bi slut meets elegant bad ass super gay. So there’s THAT. The mains are an older career woman and the sweet boy from her distant past who has pined for her for years. (He is the softest sweetest service sub you ever saw.) Props to Taiwan for a seriously underused het dynamic. As usual in Asian rom coms the straight boy love interest is a Perfect Cinnamon Role (yes I’m looking at you True Beauty & Love O2O) but I find Taiwan’s version more palatable than Korea’s or Mainland China’s. It’s not finished yet but... RECOMMENDED. 

Starting this week is Love Outlet a 50 (?!) episode show about a mall that sells relationships. It is supposed to have a main gay romance, but it might be a side dish. Very little else known about it. Coming to Line TV.

Honestly, I’m at the point where if Taiwan makes it, I’ll probably watch it. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International accessibility reasons.

Starting:

Be Loved In House: I Do (Taiwan) 

Golden Blood (Thailand) we think, like Love Area this may be delayed due to surging C19 cases 

Love Outlet (Taiwan) we think 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[purplefair]

j.t. | all i wanted

pairing: jason todd x unrequited!reader & platonic!dick grayson x platonic!reader

a/n: dear fucking god- this hurt to write- and this is an au where all the robins are living at the manor. reader is close friends with the batboys. also “she” is the new batgirl- also, there isn’t a specific iteration of the characters that is mentioned, i left that up to your imagination. :) and i didn’t know how tf to begin this-

request: yes by @artistichoodiegirl : “i wrote a poem that reminds me of jason. can you write an angst fic based off of it?”

warnings: ANGST OMFG THE ANGST- also, i don’t know if i like the way this came out, but i hope you enjoy nonetheless. :)

you wanted to deny your feelings for him, but being as that felt physically impossible, you felt like a lost cause. crying your eyes out almost every night all because of a stupid guy. your brain tells you that you’re an adult, that you shouldn’t be so messed up over a guy, that you’re pathetic for feeling this way.

this night wasn’t any different, laying on your bed, wallowing in your own self pity.

dick walked down the hallway to your bedroom to tell you that dinner was ready, but when he heard your sniffling through the door before he was about to knock, he became concerned for his best friend. dick knocked, not giving you a chance to respond before turning the handle and opening your door to find you and your room a mess.

tissues everywhere, empty water-bottles, and and dishes on your bed-side table. he sighed before asking the same question he had been asking you for days, “are you okay?”

you turned to him, and what he saw shocked him. your hair messy and all over the place, eyes and nose red, it didn’t look like you were just sad, you looked ill.

“yeah, i’m just peachy.” you replied sarcastically, trying to deter him from being serious with you. “y/n i’m being serious. you’ve been cooped up in here for what seems like days, the boys are worried about you.” you chuckled, still trying to make it seem like you were okay.

dick walked a little bit further into your room before closing the door, knowing you didn’t like your door open. he moves to your bed, sitting across from you, “is he worried?” you asked, already thinking that this certain “he” couldn’t give less of shit about you.

“yes, jason is. he’s been wondering if you’re okay, why you’ve been avoiding him, and why you won’t even so much as look at him anymore.” you keep your eyes looking away from dick, knowing looking at him would make you sob again. “you know i can’t tell him why.”

“why not? you aren’t going to ruin his happiness with her by just talking to him about how you feel. i bet you’d even find at least some closure by talking to him!” you know he’s right, he usually is about these things. you, again, didn’t respond. opting to keep your eyes away from dicks gaze.

“if you’re not going to talk to him, fine. but at least come out and get dinner, talk to the rest of the family for a little bit, please?”

“i don’t know dick-“ “please, for me?” you shouldn’t have looked at him, his gorgeous blue eyes are impossible to say no to. “…fine. but let me get ready, i look like absolute shit right now.”

“yeah, you do.” that earned him a pillow to the face.

you closed your bedroom door before heading down the hall and to the kitchen. were you nervous, yeah. did you really want to speak to jason, no. but, you were doing this for your best friend and no one else.

and of course, the sight that you didn’t want to see the most was right in front of you, jason sitting on the couch with her in his lap, almost on top of him.

“hey, look who finally came out of hiding.” you mentally cursed tim for making it obvious. heads turned, but jason’s and hers stayed where they were, as though the couldn’t care less. you looked away from them and moved over to where damian, tim, and dick had been sitting after already getting some food.

you were 90% sure that tim knew about your feelings for jason, you didn’t know if damian knew or cared, and of course, dick being the emotional support friend, of course he knew.

you four sat in comfortable silence, occasionally hearing jason and her giggle, making you want to shiver from how uncomfortable it was. tim seemed to notice this and gave you a look of sympathy, damian lyes back on the couch and muttered to himself, “idiot…” looking at jason.

you chuckled softly, you didn’t know what it was, but damian had a way of making you feel better, even if it was unintentional. of course he knew, your moping had been kind of obvious.

making comfortable small talk with the other boys while eating, jason occasionally looked at you. ‘i should talk to her.’ he thought, before being distracted by the woman in front of him.

laying on your bed, staring at the ceiling trying not be/ feel pathetic for being upset that he didn’t even speak to you during dinner. you grabbed the pillow on the other side of your bed and pushed it over your face, and screamed.

even though jason has never slept in your bed with you, it felt…cold and lonely. he was something you craved, but knew you could never have, like god just wanted to continue to fuck you over.

there’s a knock on the door and you’re sitting up very quickly, “hey, can we talk?” it was jason.

hoping you looked okay, you gave a little huff and said to yourself, “don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry…”

“come in!” jason heard through the door, turning the handle and making his way into your room. your eyes widened and tried to act normal, like his presence didn’t make your stomach do flips. he closes the door behind you and sits next to you on the bed, you of course still not looking at him.

“why have you been avoiding me? you haven’t talked to me in days, and you can barely look at me. what’s going on?”

you wanted to tell him, you really did. but you couldn’t ruin what they had, knowing it’d be awkward for you, jason, her, and the rest of the boys.

“nothing is the matter jason, i just…haven’t been in the best state of mind recently, that’s all.” you mustered enough courage to turn and look at him, automatically regretting it to find him already looking at you. his eyes full of concern, but void of love. sure, maybe an almost sibling love, but not romantic. before all of this you had tried to make it painfully obvious of how you thought of him. but after she showed up, there was nothing really you could do.

“y/n, i’m going to take your word for it, and not pry. but i still want to talk to you.” “about?”

he looked at you once again, “does it matter?”

no, it didn’t, all that mattered was that he was talking you, something you had tried to avoid but internally yearned for.

asking the most painful question, just to make it seem like you really were okay, “how’re things going between you two?” he laughed, his beautiful smile never failing to mesmerize you.

“they’re going pretty good actually, i think i want to marry her.”

why were you surprised? they had been going for awhile now and of course he’d want to marry her. she could give him everything he wanted.

you tried not to whip your head around at him, you also tried not to burst out in sobs upon hearing those words. he wanted to marry her? “oh wow, that’s…a big commitment.” you laughed, trying to seem normal.

he in turn laughed a little too, “yeah, i know, but she just makes me so happy. i finally have the chance to have the family i’ve always wanted,”

“have two kids, preferably daughters. i am definitely going to name one amber.” of course he would, he’d always loved that name.

the pain in your chest is indescribable, you had hoped that he’d be having that family with you. but , it seems as though you may have waited too long. “that sounds amazing…i’m so happy for you.”

the words sounded disingenuous, but at this point you didn’t care. it hurt too much to see the person you love the absolute most, talk about starting a family with someone other than you.

faking a yawn you stood up, “i’m pretty tired, so i’m gonna have to kick you out now.” jason gazed up at you, faking being offended. “wow, we just started talking again and you’re kicking me out? rude.”

you laughed as he stood up and walked to your door, you following not far behind. when he stood just outside your door and in the hallway, there was an awkward silence. “goodnight, jason-“

“before i leave, can i get a hug? i’ve missed you y’know.” jason held his hand between the door and the doorway.

you hated how much you loved those words, he said he missed you. “yeah, you can have a hug.”

jason pushes the door open and quickly wraps his arms around your waist, and you wrap your arms around his neck. “please never avoid me like that again.”

he muttered in your ear, sounding genuinely hurt by what you had done. “i won’t.”

it felt like minutes before he pulled away, looking down at you and smiling. “you should get some sleep, i can see your eye bags underneath your concealer.”

“shut up, asshole.” you laughed, knowing he was just teasing you. jason stepped out of your room and into the hallway, “goodnight, y/n.”

“goodnight, jason.” you both smiled at one another before he walked down the hall to his bedroom. you closed your door and suddenly everything hit you like a ton of bricks.

he was going to marry her, he wanted her children, and he’s going to name one amber.

he’s going to have the “big, happy family life”, something you knew you probably would be apart of. possibly babysitting his children.

you hated thinking about it, but, as long as he was happy. you’d do anything for him, even while suffering in silence.

now you were left to yourself, again, laying in your bed, staring at the ceiling, tears streaming down the sides of your face and soaking your hair.

“fuck, i’m pathetic.”

you cried yourself to sleep, for the 7th time that week. wishing you would have been brave enough to just tell him how you feel, but instead you’re all alone.

and who else is there to blame, but yourself?

also, here’s the poem that the requester wrote! <3

I tried to win your love but

I can't compete

when she already won

god she's so much better

you should give her that diamond ring

I was begging for

I bet she's dying for you to get down on one knee

You probably already sing her to sleep

brush her hair

like you used to do for me

now i'm alone

got no one to hold

god my bed is so cold

But I still hope she's happy

make her smile when she's lonely

and give her a home

now that I'm alone..

imagine all of the little babies

you'll have driving her crazy

You'll probably have 2 daughters

I bet you'll name one Amber

you always really liked that name

you'll be such a wonderful father

I know you had those doubts

but I know she'll even them out,

And even though we aren't together

you always have my shoulder

for when your doubts

start to make the world dark

I just hope I'll still be around

to meet all of your little ones

but for now

I'll sit here and watch you…

be happy

I bet she's feels lucky

I'm glad you have one another

to hold each other

and keep the bed warm...

I hope you're happy

and never ever feel lonely

I'm glad you found a home

now that I'm alone...

[hatterstan-shameblog]

Nobody asked for this but I'm gonna do it anyways...

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Fluff Alphabet: Takeru/Aguni Edition

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

A = Attractive what do they find attractive about the other?

Takeru: only reason he let Aguni wear regular clothes and not swimwear is because he saw ARM in that tank top and was like "oh damn okay 😳." So, y'know, that. (And he'll never admit it but he kinda likes how Aguni is a little bit taller than he is....) Also likes that Aguni has a really dry, deadpan sense of humor—he ways finds a way to make Takeru laugh, even when he's not really trying.

Aguni: I think the physical aspect of things wasn't really a make-or-break for him at first—like, yeah, Takeru's a good-looking guy, but that's secondary. He liked how Takeru is such a live-wire, very loud and colorful and seemingly fearless, no matter what kind of trouble they got into. (But also...he likes the hair. That's a thing for him.)

B = Baby do they want a family? why/why not?

Takeru: If they end up with one somehow, then, sure. But, like. He's not going out of his was to make it a thing. (But also, he has his cat, Ziggy, who he calls his baby, so...)

Aguni: Would secretly love to be a dad but is too worried he might mess the kid up or something. Is more than happy to be 'unofficial parent' to the neighborhood kids, though. Handing out ice pops to the kids that show up at the shop, keeping an eye out and telling them to get home before dark, maybe even showing one or two of them how to throw a better curveball...you know. Real Hallmark channel shit. (And yes, for those who were wondering: Ziggy the cat loves him and often curls up on his lap while he watches TV)

C = Cuddle how do they cuddle?

They don't really "cuddle" outside of bed. Just kinda sit next to each other, shoulder to shoulder, no big deal. But in bed, Aguni lies on his back with his arm sorta outstretched while Takeru...well, my man is worm on a string but OFF the string, he just flops all sorts of ways and a lot of them don't look comfortable but he falls asleep in minutes so whatever.

D = Dates what are dates with them like?

I don't think they do "dates"—they've got a long-term thing going on, so they often end up on the couch eating takeout and watching movies. I think they'd go to the movie theater sometimes (and talk shit for the entire film lol) and every once in a while grab dinner somewhere nice...but, usually because they have some cool limited-time-only dessert item that Takeru insists they try. (And Aguni pretends to be upset about having to get dressed up and go out, but is actually rather pleased to have a little romance...and get something to satisfy his sweet tooth.)

E = Everything you are my ____ (e.g my life, my world…)

Aguni: Emergency Medical Contact

Takeru: Co-Signer On The Apartment Lease

F = Feelings when did they know they were falling in love?

Takeru: About a week after Aguni (drunkenly) confessed his crush. Literally spent a whole week like, "Wow, it's a shame I don't love him back. He's so kind and handsome and smart and funny...too bad, I guess..." until one night he sat up straight in bed and said "Hold up." He then immediately called Aguni and began demanding why Aguni didn't tell him he was in love with him this whole time.

Aguni: They had been friends since they were kids, so it's hard to say when his feelings went from "you're my best friend" to something different. But, once he figured it out, he swore never to mention it because that could complicate their friendship.

G = Gentle are they gentle? If so, how?

Takeru: Yes and no. He's got a bad case of "grabby hands" and often yanks Aguni to and fro to look at something or whatever. Just zero respect for the man's personal space. But otherwise...I imagine he's not particularly rough or gentle, just kind of normal. EXCEPT when it comes to the emotional stuff—like, the real heavy things. I think he's very gentle with that, not asking too many questions and just sort of taking care of him where he can.

Aguni: Generally gentle—physically, emotionally, whatever. But I do think that he's confrontational, like when there's an issue, he comes straight out and asks Takeru what's going on. Even corners him, sometimes. He seems like a "no bullshit" guy, and since Takeru is "Mr. 99% Bullshit" he's gotta deal with it as best he can.

H = Hand/Hold how do they like to hold hands?

The only time they "hold hands" is when Takeru is grabbing Aguni's wrist to drag him somewhere (or run away lol) and when Aguni is pulling Takeru's hand back to stop him from touching something...

I = Impression first impression/s

I headcanon that they met very young, like grade school age. After school, in the park, where Takeru was chilling in a tree and Aguni walked by and he was like "Hey, there's a spider up here, wanna see?" and Aguni is like "Not really, I don't like bugs..." Now, Takeru, being "weird bug kid extraordinaire" can't believe his strange little ears and hops down from the tree and starts explaining why bugs are so cool and that Aguni is wrong...and Aguni listens as this funky, tiny firecracker just talks his damn ear off. Aguni liked how excited Takeru got about things, and Takeru liked how Aguni actually listened to him. And they were fast friends after that!

J = Joker are they into pulling pranks?

Takeru fucks around all the time...and doesn't often find out, because Aguni tolerates all his antics. (To a certain point, but still.) Every once in a while, Aguni will tell some harmless little lie just to watch Takeru freak out—he told him once that Lady Gaga was leaving the music scene forever, and Takeru screamed so loud the neighbors filed a noise complaint.

K = Kisses how do they kiss?

I think they most often do quick pecks—at the breakfast table, when they get home from work. You know. Domestic stuff. But when it's not like that...I think 9/10 times it's Takeru initiating, and Aguni reciprocates by wrapping his arms around him in a big hug (because he likes it but also to keep that skinny little weirdo from wiggling so damn much, he's always moving, he can't just be still—)

L = Love who says I love you first?

Neither! I don't think they really say it at all! Why say something that doesn't need to be said? (At least, that's how they see it...)

M = Memory their favorite moment together

Aguni: It's not really a memory, but...just how they have breakfast together some mornings. Sipping coffee, discussing whatever's going on in the world, the general "togetherness" that comes with it is one of his favorite feelings.

Takeru: The time they spent a full 24 hours in a karaoke booth singing 80's hits and knocking back tequila shots and ordering way too much food.

N = Nickel do they spoil? do they buy the person they love everything?

Takeru: Absolutely buys stuff for Aguni all the time. Mostly random snacks, or little knick-knacks that catch his eye. And also clothes, but...Aguni doesn't always approve.

Aguni: Doesn't buy Takeru stuff BUT leaves vases of flowers he grew on the table for Takeru to find.

O = Orange what color reminds them of their other half

Anything bright and obnoxious reminds Aguni of Takeru—red in particular, which also happens to be Takeru's favorite. And Takeru thinks Aguni has calm and soothing blue-green vibes. Like the ocean, beautiful and serene, but also dark and capable of incredible destruction.

P = Petnames what pet names do they use?

Takeru: All of them. Darling, babe, sweetheart (but he calls everyone those lol). Aguni-specific ones are always over-the-top and ridiculous like "brightest star in all of the heavens..." and he always gets an eye-roll for his efforts.

Aguni: Absolutely does not use pet names. Just says "hey you" or something. Once called Takeru "babe" and Takeru had to stop washing dishes and sit down because he was laughing so hard.

Q = Quaint what is their favorite non-modern thing?

Takeru: I feel like he would collect a ton of vintage stuff—clothes, records, just random little bits and bobs he comes across. But his favorite is definitely his record player—it belonged to his dad, and he keeps it in a place of honor in the hat shop.

Aguni: A set of very old and well-cared-for gardening tools. Takeru got them for him for his birthday, and he legit treasures them.

R = Rainy Day what do they like to do on a rainy day?

Lay on the couch and do literally nothing. Takeru gets the left end, Aguni takes the right, and they binge trash TV shows all day. (And also they make box-mix brownies and eat them straight out of the pan. It's "their thing.")

S = Sad how do they cheer themselves/each other up

Takeru: Aside from all his self-destrictive behaviors (binge-drinking, dangerous situations, etc.) he just really needs a good laugh. And Aguni somehow always manages to make him laugh with an unexpected, deadpan comment. Also, he makes Takeru actually talk through his problems instead of ignoring them...

Aguni: if he's in a bad mood, you just need to let him work through it on his own. He hates being "talked down to" and feels that most attempts at cheering up are cheap, so most people don't attempt. Buf...Takeru is not "most people" and breaks out his most ridiculous jokes to try to get Aguni to crack a smile.

T = Talking what do they love to talk about?

Other people! You know Takeru is the "XOXO Gossip Girl" of the neighborhood, but Aguni...he's like a little old church lady and ADORES hearing all the latest drama.

U = Unencumbered What helps them relax?

Both of them have the same method of relaxation and it's...bubble baths! Aguni does a basic, skin soothing soak and just hangs out in the warm water with a book or maybe just his thoughts to keep him company. But Takeru? He's got some fancy bath soaps, and he takes in a glass of wine and lights a few candles and does a face mask and it's a whole EVENT.

V - Very thoughts about each other

Takeru: Thinks Aguni needs to loosen up and take more risks...but also just loves the guy to pieces.

Aguni: Kinda wishes Takeru would calm tf down sometimes...but also knows that it's just how the guy is and wouldn't dare change him.

W = Wedding when, how, where do they propose?

They're not really the marrying type! They just have a mutual understanding of commitment and that's that.

(But if they did have a wedding... I think it would be a relatively small affair with all their closest friends and family. Like a dinner party, but somewhere extra nice and with lots of good food and alcohol. Intimate and meaningful, with just enough "extra" to satisfy Takeru.)

X = Xylophone What’s their song?

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" because they hid out in a karaoke booth (different from the 24-hour event that Takeru cherishes so much) to es ape the Yakuza and Takeru sang it over and over to pass the time.

Y = You the ___ to my ___ (e.g the cookies to my milk, the macaroni to my cheese)

"Breaking" to my "Entering." The "Assault" to my "Battery." (They both hate this sort of thing and try to come up with the worst answers possible lol)

Z = Zebra if they wanted a pet, what pet would they get?

They already have the cat, Ziggy, who is their perfect little angel.

[himbo-kuto]

i saw this screencap from the manga and knew IMMEDIATELY that i would have to write a lil headcanon of aone and his turtle. he is literally the most precious person who deserves the whole entire world.

i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it!

genre: fluff, wholesomeness, a whole baked bean, college!au pairing: aone x gn!reader word count: 2k warning: language

okay so you ended up being roommates with aone, futakuchi, and mai when you ended up transferring colleges last minute and needed housing

you saw that they had an empty spot and with time not being on your side, you decided to take the opportunity!! apt 205 squad!!

at first you kind of felt left out since they all knew each other from date tech but you soon warmed up to futakuchi since you had a few classes with him and mai because well-- you guys shared a room

HOWEVER!! one person you couldn’t seem to get close to was a man by the name of takanobu aone-- lemme tell u sumn about this Baked Bean

whenever you tried to interact with him, all he would do is 👁 👄 👁  or just Grunt in response

you were a bit discouraged because you thought he didn’t like you so you shied away from talking to him again :(

but futakuchi was quick to ensure you that was just his way of communicating and that he was actually really engaged in the conversation 

“oh yeah, he’s a great listener-- i talk to him for hours and he just sits and listens”

“ok futakuchi-san, but have you considered that you talk Too much for your own good?”

he gave you the finger for that one

but omg the first time aone Spoke to you????? rocked ur mf world-- what the Heck!!

you were in the mood to bake some cookies and were looking for the big mixing bowls but you just remembered that futakuchi used it to try and make a baking soda volcano 

why??? who knows but all you do know is that he put it ALL the way on the top shelf-- and for what????

but u know-- bein dumb as dirt u tried to use a swivel chair to try and reach for them

and of course it was all the way in the back like wtf curse these tall men-- 

and so you got on your tippy toes and right as you were about to reach it, Of Course the chair decided to turn 

and u were 🤏🏼 this close to eating shit but thanks to the one-- the only-- tol angel baby aone, he stopped the chair dead in its tracks just in time for you to regain your balance

“are you okay?”

you were so shook (one from almost breaking your face and two-- AONE JUST SPOKE AND SAVED YOU!!!) 

at first you just stood there blinking down at him with the bowls in your arms like hinata season 4, episode 15 - 15:37

he held up his arms to you and you blushed so hard because was he really about to carry you down????

but before your mind had anytime to roam, he pointed to the bowls and you realized with your real eyes that you were not the one to whom he was referring to 

it wasn’t long until you got over your initial iron wall with aone (…. 😏)  and he actually ended up being someone you hung out with on a regular basis

mai was always out studying for her practicals in the library while futakuchi… well.. who even knows what the heck that man is up to..

but ANYWAYS!! you guys would hang out mostly in the living room to watch TV, do homework and eat meals-- he always helped you with your math homework and you helped him with his architecture models!! 

you didn’t really know what he liked to watch but he didn’t seem to oppose whatever you had on-- however, you Did notice that whenever you put on volleyball he stared very intensely at the TV only stopping when commercials came on

aone Always ate your home cooked meals without fail

literally such a sweet and appreciative boy as opposed to futakuchi who would complain but one time aone gave him That Look™️ and he shut right the fuck up

that day forward futakuchi ate all your meals like a good boy

aone has also become very protective of you-- in high school, he may have locked onto the aces of the other teams, but in college he locked onto his close friends to make sure they were safe

one time you guys got onto a cramped bus to go grocery shopping and all it took was this creepo man to just Look at you the wrong way for aone to stand right in front of you and shoot this man a death glare that said “if you even think about touching her i’ll put you into the ground” 

HE MAY HAVE A HEART OF GOLD BUT DONT MESS WITH THE PEOPLE HE CARES ABOUT OR ELSE IT’S HANDS 

but know this ladies, gents and my non-binary friends, we MOST DEFINITELY sit next to aone on the bus and engage in the best of conversations because tHATS WHAT THIS MAN DESERVES!!!!!!!!! 

not to mention all the times he has saved you due to your clumsiness and overall single brain cell fueled activities 

one fateful day you were sitting in the living room as you saw aone come home with a whole bag of groceries

he didn’t put them into the communal fridge so you were a bit confused as to why he took them straight into his room

you weren’t one to just bust in there to try and find out so later when you guys were eating dinner you asked him what he bought at the store

he listed off a bunch of produce and then said that they were for his turtle!!!!

you were all !!?!?!??? 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 TURTLE?????? WHERE??? HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN HERE??? CAN I SEE THEM?

he goes on to tell you that he’s had the turtle ever since they all moved in!! but it never came up in conversation so you never knew until now

him and futakuchi rescued the turtle but when they tried to let them go, they didn’t go anywhere so they kept them!! 

so after dinner you both quickly washed the dishes, and he brought you into their room to show you his turtle

you were honestly a bit nervous going into their room-- like what were you to expect??? was it going to be messy?? stinky?? clean??? were there any secrets????

but to your surprise it was fairly clean and simple-- even futakuchi’s side (which you assumed was aone’s doing)

you looked around his room to find all these old pictures of date tech on the wall, many of them with futakuchi and mai

there was even a photo of all the third years clinging to aone like koalas on a tree and though his expression was faint, you could tell that he was happy

it warmed your heart to see that he got along with his teammates and held these memories close to him-- they accepted him for who he was and that was more than enough for you

he also had plethora of architecture books on his shelves which made you wonder why he picked that major in the first place

but you shrugged it off as you looked over to his desk

there was a table next to it with an enclosure and a cute little turtle sunbathing underneath a lamp inside

you scurried over to the tank, getting down on your knees to get eye level with the animal while you slowly brought your face to the glass  

the turtle was half curled into its shell, looking up at you as he gave you a slow blink

you could’ve sworn you felt your heart explode and melt all at once in that Exact moment

you looked up at aone with 🥺 eyes before looking back to reptile to see them poking their head out to fully greet you 

you squealed internally as you wiggled your finger as your salutations

“do they have a name?” 🥺 

“ichigo-desu...” (strawberry)

you thought your heart exploded before?????????????

oh bitch you felt like you were about to go into full blown cARDIAC ARREST MY G O D!!!!!!

“did futakuchi name them?”

“no i did…”

you literally hunched over, and leaned onto the desk for support as your heart was filled with his soft boy energy because there was no wAY!!! DID AONE JUST NAME THIS TURTLE ICHHHIGOOOO BITCHHH AHHH

but lowkey aone was also being filled with your soft energy and got all blushy-- but thank god you were too occupied by his turtle to notice

“do you want to feed him a strawberry? it’s his dinner time too”

you could not have said yes faster to this man 

he went into his personal fridge and there you saw all the groceries he had earlier that day!! he pulled out a single strawberry before handing it over to you

he walked over to the tank and cautiously pulled out ichigo before placing them on the ground

HOWEVERRRRRR!! what came next you didn’t expect at all

he walked around so that he was behind you, gingerly reached for your hand and guided you to hold the strawberry out for ichigo 

ichigo craned their neck in the sight of the fruit and started chowing down

and by God you hoped that aone could not hear your loud ass heartbeat and see your red ass face-- (you were surprised that ichigo wasn’t going after you since your face might as well have been a strawberry)

you two sat in a comfortable silence as you watched the little reptile enjoy his dinner 

as ichigo drew closer to the leafy bit, you wanted to ask aone if he was allowed to eat that part 

so you turned your head to the side to speak but immediately closed your mouth as aone’s face was only centimeters away from yours 

you thought you were red back then???? bitch buckle up cause we’re reaching a new LEVEL of red

at that moment you were no think, no thought, head EMPTY as you just stared at his profile 

all of his features were strong... the bridge of his nose, his jawline, his expression-- he himself was a strong man and you just wondered how all this soft, fluffy, wholesomeness was packed into this 192cm man

and just as you relaxed into this position

FUTAKUCHI BUSTS THROUGH THE DOOR WITHOUT ANY KIND OF WARNING JUST TALKIN OUT OF HIS ASS 

at first he’s so absorbed into his own conversation that he doesn’t even notice you guys in that position

but when he does??? it’s like those moments in animes where you’re all chibitized and you just have circle eyes and a blank expression o_o

you IMMEDIATELY come to your senses, releasing the rest of the strawberry and aone’s hand

if you could peace fade in this moment, you would’ve definitely flashed futakuchi a duces

but alas, you could not..

so you scrambled to your feet-- but not before thanking aone for letting you meet his turtle-- and RAN out TF of that room heart a BEEATTINN

from that day on, you visited aone and his turtle a lot more-- even going so far as buying things for ichigo!!

“hey aone-san, did ichigo like the squash i cooked?”

“mm.”

“hey aone-san, does ichigo like the new hide?”

“mm.”

“look aone-san! he can’t grip onto the cherry tomato!! it keeps rolling around!”

“mm.”

many of your conversations went along like that and he always appreciated the amount of effort you put into them

he wasn’t a man of many words but did his best to make sure you knew that he was listening and engaged

at one point mai and futakuchi said that “he has spoken more words to you in these past few months than he has with us in 3 years”

you were surprised but also flattered by the fact that aone was comfortable enough to open up and have conversation with you 

although it was a bit of a rough patch in the beginning, you were glad that you became a part of the 205 squad! it was you, aone, futakuchi, mai and ichigo against the world!!

[wh6res]

“𝑰’𝑴 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑳𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻, 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑶𝑵𝑳𝒀 𝑺𝑨𝑽𝑰𝑶𝑼𝑹.”

part of the 21 ways to kill your lover collab hosted by the lovely miss solange @du0tine

pairing. entity! xdj & f! reader | word count. 5.4k

synopsis. he wasn’t a god, he wasn’t a devil, and fuck, he’s surely not an angel, but he will be your saviour and your light ‘till kingdome come.

warnings. tread with caution. yandere/possesive themes, religious themes, violence, mentions of gore, swearing, mentions of ptsd, mentions of physical abuse, a lot of character deaths, manipulation, stalking, and implications of suicide

disclaimer. i do not condone whatever tf i wrote in this nor does it reflect my beliefs or values or morals and such. it is all pure fiction and i also dont think xiaojun from wayv would act like this in real life.

a soul’s vulnerability gives him strength. he has scourged far and wide and has yet to encounter a soul as interesting as yours. he never thought a heart filled with hatred and a fragile mentality can be such a sweet combination. xiaojun would be stupid not to latch his greedy talons onto you.

he hides in the darkest corners of your room at night, unseen and unheard, just watching over you like a predator to his poor unsuspecting gazelle before diving into the anticipated chase. 

he moves in with you into the cheap apartment you got for yourself here in the big city—which he thinks is an awful move because of how lonely it’ll be. but hey, it wasn’t anyone’s fault that you got chased out of your own home by your stepdad, your very own biological mom too scared to say a peep of defense to your name. 

your downfalls became xiaojun’s highlights. 

he would’ve felt sorry for you after finding out about that abusive old man. ugh, he scowls. your stepdad makes the entity’s blood boil and he doesn’t even have blood to begin with. the same man who holds the bible in his left hand when he preaches sermons for the people, is the same hand he uses to hit you across the face. 

the same hand he uses to pull at your hair. the same hand he uses to punch your gut. the same hand he uses to shove your mom down when she tries interfering. 

xiaojun may hate men of god but above all, he absolutely detests the kind your old man is—a faker, who thinks he can get away with the shit mess he’s making. xiaojun would never take that preacher’s murky soul even if he offered it to the entity voluntarily. fake. fake. fake. fake. fake. xiaojun should’ve killed him. xiaojun should’ve slit his throat. xiaojun should’ve torn his eyes out—

ah, ah, ah.

he can’t afford to make you any less vulnerable than you already are, now, can he? after all, he can be anything you want but he’s no angel. 

so he watched from the sidelines. 

watched you cry. watched you bleed. watched your scars form. watched the hate and resentment you have for your own family fester in your heart until it grew to a size you can’t hide within yourself anymore. 

and then you left home. 

xiaojun has to admit, for a second, maybe leaving home will make your soul unworthy, will break the mold he’s already had of you and will completely spoil his well-thought out plans.

so really, he can only scoff when he watches you walk around the apartment wearing that pretty dress on a sunday morning, darting around with calculated steps to shove everything inside your bag to go to church. the dress hangs nicely against your skin but he’d rather you stay and wear nothing. 

maybe you’d finally find contentment and happiness in this place, in this city, on your own. soaring high without a cage, without someone to hold you back—these things fill his thoughts like a plague until you come barging back into the door 30 minutes later. 

he’s been watching you long enough to know church service wouldn’t end for another 30 minutes or so. xiaojun’s eyebrows quirk up. why would his fragile little gazelle come back oh so early? but his question is immediately answered when he detects your shaky breaths and the unshed tears in your glistening eyes

you’re suffering the post-traumatic effects your shit stepdad has caused. seeing another preacher must’ve been a trigger, he thinks, eyeing you with a look on his face. xiaojun felt a little stupid. of course, swimming to the surface will be tough with all that trauma anchoring you down.

it’ll be tough, indeed… so why not sink you even deeper?

it didn’t take much energy for him to start manipulating your dreams. every nap, every deep sleep, he’d replay all the horrible things your stepdad has done to you and he realizes how dreams depicted from his perspective took a larger toll on you versus the ones from your own point of view—witnessing for yourself how weak and helpless you had been seemed to chip away bigger parts of you, he notices. your terrified screams when waking up in cold sweat getting louder and louder with every passing nightmare.

he pushed, and pushed, and pushed until you were standing right at the edge of sanity. until you start questioning your own self-worth and judgment, the invisible chains of the trauma too strong to break. until your radiant skin looked deathly, with gaunt cheeks and white lips. until you developed a fear of sleeping because no, you don’t want to witness those horrors again. no. no. no. no, please don’t hit me—

xiaojun can’t help but admire his handiwork but no, he doesn’t have time for that! 

the next time you fell asleep you had been desperately holding onto your 5th bottle of gatorade like it was a torch breaking through the darkness. you’ve intake so much of the energy drink that your body has grown used to it. you would’ve switched to caffeine, but from how much you drank it prior to the energy drinks, your blood is practically coffee at this point. 

“you’re living in my house now, young lady! i’d like to see some respect from your or i’ll fucking beat it into you!”

“stop! please. hit me instead, hit me!” 

“this is all your fault, bitch! how can you raise one daughter wrong? no wonder your husband left you!”

murky and black, you can’t even see the bottom at this point. it keeps pulling you down, and down, and down, until you couldn’t breathe. until your head feels light. until your heart beats erratically within your ribcage as you fought to the surface. 

with all the negative emotions surging through you in thunderous waves, it’s a wonder how no other lonesome, starving entity has latched onto you like xiaojun. although realistically, he was here first, as if he’ll let any other being like him go near you.

it took a greater amount of energy to twist and manipulate the plotline of certain events in a dream. if xiaojun hadn’t grown strong from all your negativity, he’d never be able to do it. 

he can never forget the day he first appeared to you in a dream. to have you cling onto him as you willingly took his hand—not that he was caught by surprise, anyway. every second of every hour of every day xiaojun spent plotting your demise has led to this fruitful day of “meeting” you for the first time. 

“i’m right here,” he said, shaking fingers tracing over your cheeks. a soft caress you have never experienced. 

the man in your dreams is someone you’ve never met before—you’re positive that you haven’t because you’d never forget a face as handsome as his. he appears like an angel casted over divine light, with a soft smile that can cure the plague as he offers his hands for you to take. it was beautiful, how your nightmares turned into dreams the moment the mysterious man arrived. 

how’d you ever know, that the hand you grabbed is the wolf in sheep’s clothing?

it’s sad really, how you’ve only managed to escape one horror only to jump into the next but xiaojun can’t find it in himself to feel bad. well, maybe a little, it’s a fleeting thought. something that disappeared as quickly as it had passed by.

it was only after a few weeks of constantly appearing in your dreams did his plan start to backfire. the change in your behavior isn’t subtle, either, and it angered him all the more. he didn’t see this coming, not even from lightyears away.

simple to say you’ve grown a little more… how can xiaojun put this into words? well, a little more outgoing. adventurous. meeting new people and going to new places and experiencing new things. he can see everything as clear as day—you were healing from your past, leaving the dark chapters in your life to write newer and brighter ones that revolved on having actual healthy relationships for once. 

his seething anger of his failed plans had made all the windows in your apartment burst into thousand little pieces. if you had fine china dishes displayed on your kitchen cabinets he would’ve broken those too. how can you go against him like this? look at you all happy and smiley even as the room turned ice cold because of xiaojun’s suffocating presence. you never even thought once about it—how naive. 

tormenting you through dreams isn’t working anymore. xiaojun has to up his game if he wants to break you down and revert you back to that paranoid, sensitive, and frail self that couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t talk to any other human being without feeling the ghost of your abusive step-father’s hands against your skin. 

who says he can only control you through mind games alone? after he’s done what needs to be done, grief and self-pity will go hand in hand. a combination so cruel and heavy on your shoulders that xiaojun can already savor the metallic tangy taste of victory. 

“no! yeji—!”

xiaojun watches unblinking when he makes one of your new friends walk out the sidewalk and right into an overspeeding car. 

tires skidding across the pavement, the breaks not working, glass shattering, bones cracking against the force of the hit—dead, right on the fucking spot.

he’s never heard you scream that loud and he shudders in pleasure as the vibrations of your shrill voice courses through his veins. 

he missed this, your complete and utter misery. 

but he wasn’t done yet. 

“don’t you think it’s a ‘lil chilly in here?” ryujin asks, looking over to your side before drinking the hot chocolate she prepared for both of you. 

grieving together with a friend can be good, hence why you’re now in her apartment a month later after yeji’s funeral. 

you answer after taking a sip. “no, not really.” 

xiaojun grins, giddy and a skip in his step while making his way towards you as he side-eyes your friend, who religiously drank her hot chocolate all the while bundling up next to you so you both can watch the movie together playing on the laptop. 

this one, well, he particularly doesn’t like this one. 

if your other friend was meant to be a casualty, a death borne from not one smidge of personal vendetta, this one, this ryujin is different. heck, he even remembers her fucking name.

no, no, no. xiaojun can feel his skin crawl as ryujin cuddles intimately closer as she stares at you from her peripheral, feeling out whether you’d react or not as she sneaks an arm around your waist. his anger turns a fever pitch, seeing you with someone else driving him up the wall. you were meant to be his sad and hopeless little gazelle and his alone.

xiaojun hoped the poison travels fast or so help him he’ll fucking rip her off of you—and he would’ve, when he saw you and ryujin slowly leaning into one another, head angled and obviously going in for a kiss. he would’ve, when one of ryujin’s hands come up to cup your face. he would’ve… until the poison reached its destination in her body, right when your lips were about to touch. 

ryujin’s lungs seized, breathing becoming an agent to her demise as the oxygen from her lungs disappear into nothingness. the last thing she saw is your horrified face, tears streaming. she swore you were shouting something, probably her name, but it’s overpowered by the incessant ring in her ears.

when her mouth foamed and she laid limp on the couch right next to you, you knew ryujin would never wake again to give you that kiss. 

xiaojun steps back to admire the havoc he wreaked. two of your friends dead, that should be enough to incapacitate you—whether it be permanent or not, he just wants to see you drown in misery. 

and as he slowly dissipates into the void, there’s a little smile on his face as he stares you down, burning the image of your histeria in his head, the echoes of your woeful cries music to his ears. 

you never dared step foot out of your apartment. 

groceries were delivered to your door, trash is slowly but surely building up, and the place was a whole mess. the entity haunting you has never seen you this… shattered, even when you left home. it was like your brain has stopped working and your body turned into nothing more but a cusp of who you used to be. 

it’s scary looking in the mirror and not recognizing the reflection—so, you painted all of them black. it was an in the heat of a moment kind of thing that took place the moment you came home from the police station, on the exact day she passed away before your eyes. 

xiaojun just has to “misplace” a few pints of paint you had used from when you renovated the apartment in the past, putting the cans where you can easily see them and think that the idea belonged to you when in reality, it’s the entity that put the idea in your head. 

there was a blanket over your shoulder when you came back from the station. it wasn’t yours, they gave it to you while you sat opposite to a stoic detective in a cold interrogation room, yet you made no move to shrug it off even after arriving at your apartment, fingers clutching the fabric like a lifeline and refusing to believe whatever that had transpired in ryujin’s apartment. 

eyes unseeing, stumbling with your steps, back hunched with the curse of the universe weighing down on your back—xiaojun couldn’t’ve been more proud of what he had done.

you were spiraling out of control. a self-destructive cycle you cannot seem to fight your way out of as your nightmares came back to haunt you. the tall waves of anxiety and paranoia drowning and pushing you under the surface. 

for once you don’t fight the current, you just let it pull you under. 

every time you close your eyes, you can hear the deafening screech of rubber tires against concrete before the car hits yeji. can vividly see the foams of the poison coming out of ryujin’s mouth as if it was caught on tape and is now playing on loop. 

your other friends have donned you as bad luck, cursed to have a fucked up life and will fuck up other people’s lives too if they get even as close as an arm length to you. too scared to lose any more people, you decided to completely push everyone away and had completely shut yourself out from the world beyond the four corners of your apartment. 

it’s like your trauma from before has come crawling back to you, only now, he brings himself a little friend called guilt. 

what are the odds that your two friends died after the other when the person they’ve each last spent time with was you? even the police found it too much a coincidence. if it wasn’t for the cctv cams in the corners of ryujin’s apartment, you’d be facing trial for a murder you didn’t commit. 

you eye the usb stuck in one of your laptop’s ports. it’s black, with an srj poisoning case written in red ink on the small patch of masking tape pasted onto the back of the plastic. 

after being stuck in an interrogation room for the last two hours, you had sneakily swiped it out of the detective's desk on your way out of the station. you remembered it was the usb with a copy of ryujin’s cctv cams, some underling busting into the interrogation room while in the middle of your questioning, holding the tiny usb between his fingers. 

your stomach churned when the detective looked at you spitefully, as if he couldn’t fucking care less of the evidence presented to him in a silver platter and would thoroughly take pleasure in throwing you in jail himself, guilty or not. the last look he shot you still sends shivers down your spine, the sharpness in his gaze as he regarded you. “you killed them. i know you did.”

a week of self-induced isolation later and you start to believe in it yourself. 

in the middle of screaming your lungs out and cursing the gods above for your sorry excuse of a life, you had thrown the usb somewhere in the apartment. not that you bothered to look for it right after, you were too busy wallowing in self pity before passing out on the living room floor. when you wake up, you’ve forgotten all about it. 

so it was interesting, seeing the usb again after days and days of wallowing in grief. you had fallen off the couch while in the middle of a slumber and you spotted the small piece of tech lying underneath it with the other empty coke cans. 

eyeing the laptop on the coffee table, you remember you haven’t taken a look at the evidence yourself—the detective had given you the stink eye when you tried shuffling closer to peep a look. carelessly, you shove all other objects off the table to pull the laptop closer. you plant yourself on the ground cross-legged, not batting an eyelash even when you feel the crumbs of chips against your skin. 

you boot the laptop on, thankful you’ve yet to forget its password, and plugged the usb in again. it was simple to navigate, to say the least, the folder popping up in a matter of seconds. you thought it stored a whole collection of her cctv footages but alas, it didn’t, saving you the time and energy scourging through unwanted boring files. 

hands shaking, you clicked on the video. 

and it was as if you’re thrown back into that event in your life that has now become a distant memory. the hug ryujin gave you when she opened the door, her words of comfort when you opened up about your deteriorating mental health after your friend passed away, and finally, the warm feel of the mug against the palm of your hand. 

wait a minute. 

you perk up from your seat, groaning aloud when your knee hits the underside of the coffee table at your haste, fingers darting around to press the back 10 seconds button. the sweat starts forming in your forehead and palms, making your hand feel clammy and disgusting but it was the last of your worries. 

did you see that correctly?

the quality is a bit low and the camera angle isn’t optimal. you can only see ryujin’s side profile but her glassy eyes are unmistakable and her actions look robotic at best. 

this is after she made your hot cocoa and had delivered it to your shivering, sniffling form on the couch, all bundled up snug and cozy in the blanket she provided. you remember ryujin winking as she walked back towards her kitchen after you thanked her. 

the way she poured poison in her own mug ruled her case as suicice. the evidence is right there in your face but the unease still sits heavy on your stomach and confusion clouds your brain like cannabis. 

this doesn’t make any sense. 

you knew her, ryujin. she’s never one to succumb to her negative emotions, always facing her problems with head held high. her overall mindset, in general, made her the last person you’d think would ever commit suicide. you’ve replayed the video a thousand times by now, still unable to wrap your head around the fact that she killed herself. 

having the sudden urge for another bottle of gatorade, you pressed the pause button as you try hauling yourself up with your arms. 

you pause. pushing your face closer to the laptop screen, rubbing at your eyes incredulously as you eye the corner of her kitchen. 

ryujin’s apartment isn’t that luxurious, nor is it too rundown, but there can be little exceptions here and there. 

like the cheap LED bulbs attached rather messily onto her ceiling, one of the six sources of light flickering on and off. you remember how many times you’ve told her to get it fixed yet she never really paid you any heed.

with shaking fingers, you replayed it one more time, hoping on everything you believe in that it wasn’t what it looks like. this can’t be it—how is that possible—

it’s him, the man who has appeared like an angel in your dream to sweep you away from evil. but standing in the corner, under the flickering lights of your friend’s kitchen, he looked anything but an angelic. 

your mind is going haywire, your body shook in confusion, and sweat started dribbling down your neck. you would’ve thought you made a mistake because how is this even possible? the angelic man in your dreams isn’t real—he can’t be real, he can’t appear like this when you aren’t even sleeping because he’s not real!

he can’t… right?

he doesn’t look too harmless, what with his hands crossed and leisurely leaning against the wall. but one look at his eyes and you know you’re wrong. even through the shit quality of the cctv footage you can still feel the fury and the absolute hate his eyes held as he stared her down menacingly, unblinking.

stared her down as she made her own cocoa, as she hunches down to open the sink cabinets to get that pesky rat poison, as she poured it on her mug, as she swirls the spoon around to mix the deadly concoction all together in a hauntingly robotic way that looked too much like ryujin was being told what to do.

and as you let the video play the rest of its content and felt like the tragedy was unfolding right before your very eyes again—you couldn’t breathe, panic gripping onto you like a vice, the sharp talons of fear sinking deep under your skin. 

you don’t register the coffee table toppling over in your haste to stand up. desperately putting a distance between you and the laptop as you turned and stumbled towards the hallway leading to your bedroom. 

you stop, pathetically landing on your knees before the open archway. if you hadn’t been shaking in fear before, then you surely were now. 

he’s here—can you even call it a he?

the man stands at the end of the hallway. in that similar, non-threatening stature with his arms crossed and body leaning against the wall. 

but the mischief in his eyes is enough of a warning. 

he’s come for you. 

he’s come to finish the job. 

“finally figured it out?”

you screamed, throwing the closest thing you can at him as you shuffle someplace else in your apartment. his laugh sounded pleasant in the ear when you were off in dreamland, but now? it sounded like nails grating against a chalkboard. 

your legs eventually led you to the front door. appearances be damned. you weren’t even wearing a bra and you haven’t showered for days but fuck no you’re not going to stay here with that—that—that monster!

“baby, don’t leave! the fun hasn’t even started yet!”

you grab the doorknob and twist, practically throwing yourself out into the hallway, eyes frantic as you stumble and land face first against—

sticky. the floor’s sticky and there was a smell you can’t seem to pinpoint. it’s tangy, metallic, and you can almost taste the scent yourself in your tongue and when you look down—you want to throw up. 

lying next to each other in pools of their own blood, lies yeji and ryujin side by side, faces towards each other. their eyes hauntingly empty and unseeing as they stared up at you. 

you shrieked, voice scratching against your dry throat as you threw yourself back into your apartment, the door slamming shut in itself. you didn’t care if there’s now a huge mess of blood staining the carpets on the foyer. you curl in on yourself, hair sticking to your face as you covered your ears and shut your eyes. 

“oh, my love…”

you felt his presence before you can hear him. 

a flashback plays in your head—hot chocolate, soft blankets, and a friend who you loved with all your heart. “don’t you think it’s a little chilly in here?"

you answered. “no, not really?”

the tears start streaming like waterfalls, mixing with the blood and sweat already caked in your face. ryujin knew, she felt it back at her apartment yet you disregarded her completely.

“it’s not your fault,” the entity’s hands are ice cold when he gently pulls at your wrist. “everything is as it should be. now, open your eyes. there’s nothing to be afraid of. i’m not going to hurt you.”

stubbornly, you shook your head as you squeezed your lids even tighter, refusing to look at the monster dead in the eye.

“don’t be like that, my love. if i wanted to hurt you, i would’ve done it a long time ago.”

you don’t listen, hunching and curling your knees even more against your torso as you try to block out his voice. it’s unfair how gentle it sounded but your blood ran cold when you realize this is how he got ryujin to poison herself, this is how he got yeji to walk in front of a speeding car—

“hail mary, full—full of grace,” you pray under your breath, shaking like a leaf. “the lord… the lord is with thee. blessed art thou among women…”

“you’re praying?” there’s an underlying mocking to e in his voice. “this is fucking hilarious!”

your incessant mumbling partnered with how you rocked your body back and forth, made something snap within xiaojun. he already stated he won’t hurt you! did he break you so much that now you’re unable to hear stuff properly, too?

“holy mary, mo—mother of god, pray for us sinners, now and—and at the hour of our death, amen. hail mary, full of grace…”

“stop.” his body twitches, having the sudden urge to pull all his hair out and burn this fucking building to the ground.

yet you continue. “the lord is with thee, blessed art thou among—among women and blessed is the… the fruit of thy womb, jesus…”

“i said stop, [name]. don’t fucking test me.”

“holy mary, mother of god—pray—pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our—”

you screeched in pain as your forehead comes in contact with a mirror, the sound of it shattering is deafening to the ears. his icy fingers let go of your nape, letting you fall hard to the ground. your ears perk up at the sound of streaming water. 

you weren’t in the foyer anymore, you feel cold tiles instead of the rough texture of the dirty carpet underneath you. eyes fluttering, you slowly pry them open, and the first thing you see is the faulty pipes found underneath your bathroom’s sink. patches of your clothes start getting wet. 

“you think a prayer of all things can stop me? i’m insulted!” you hiss when he grabs your face, hands so cold that it feels like you’re skin is burning off. “i was going to play nice.”

he pulls you towards him, hand encased around your throat. he shoves the open hair dryer into the half-filled bath tub as you feel him vibrate against you. “you don’t know how long i waited, how much energy i needed to appear to you like this.”

it’s with dread you realize that he’s actually giggling.

you whine, eyes feeling like it’ll pop out of their sockets when he squeezed your neck tighter. with a sudden rush of adrenaline, you anchor your wrists against his arm but it proves to be useless when he’s too strong. 

“please,” you wheezed. “i did… i did nothing wrong. let go—please.”

in the corner of your eyes, you stare at him from the mirror, stomach twisting in discomfort when you see him throwing his head back, eyes rolling up after taking a long whiff of your hair. “this—this fear you have, my love, only makes me stronger.”

“nothing… i did nothing wrong—please! please… let, let me go…” you’re starting to feel lightheaded, black spots floating around your vision. 

“nothing? are you sure about that?” 

you cringe when he licks up the tears in your face, toes curling at the sheer disgust you feel. but the words he spews next is far worse than the hand he’s wrapped around your throat. 

“didn’t you left your mom alone with that abusive asshole? didn’t you make yeji walk into that incoming car? didn’t you make ryujin drink that poison?”

he whispers them so softly, so gently that you almost mistook them as proclamations of love. 

“no…” your voice breaks. 

“yes. yes, you did,” he knew you like the back of his hand, knew what to say and how to say them for you to break in his arms. “you killed them, my love. you’re a murderer. you don’t even deserve to be alive after all of the things you’ve done.”

it’s almost pathetic how you shake your head, eyes closed, refusing to acknowledge the truth. 

“that’s… that’s not true…”

“you’re a curse to the people you love, the embodiment of they're suffering. don’t you see it?”

“stop lying!—”

“am i?” he retorts, maneuvering you around to face the mirror. you swore you covered the whole thing with black paint. “just look at yourself.”

oh, how badly he wants to shove your face against the mirror but he mustn't get ahead of himself. 

“did any of your friends even visit you to see how you’re doing?” no, they never did. he smiles like he knows what you’re thinking. “the answer is all before you now, my love. you need to see through the haze and accept it for what it really is. no one loves you. even the god you’re praying to didn’t answer. there’s nothing, no one, left.”

and for the first time since he has you in his tight hold, you stopped fighting. sobs wracking through your body as your shoulders slump and accept defeat. 

xiaojun automatically lets you go, cooing like a lover in your ear as he tucks you into his embrace. “you want this all to stop, don’t you? someone to save you?”

you nodded, unable to look at him as his hand came up to wipe away your tears. no one has ever done that for you in months ever since yeji and ryujin died.

“i’m here,” xiaojun says, running fingers through your hair comfortingly. “i’m your light, your only saviour. you want that, right, my love?” choice is a mere illusion but he likes keeping up with formalities. 

you fail to notice the steps he took towards the now overflowing bathtub, too lost in the new highs and lows of emotions you feel. 

“yes.”

it only took seconds to push you into the tub. its water buzzing with a live electric current brought by the hair dryer he dropped only minutes ago.

the effect is instantaneous. he watches your muscle spasm, your skin growing darker as the live water fries your body alive. quickly, xiaojun reaches down to lift your head out the water, not wanting to ruin your pretty face.

the last thing you feel is xiaojun’s cold lips pressing against your own, the gentle caress as he wiped your tears away… and the electricity finally passing through your heart. 

when the entity pulls away from your dead body, he only whispers three things—“mine, at last.”

[bunnyywritings]

hii, i didn't know i needed that korean multilingual s/o until someone requested it! it was perfect! could you please do the same but in haikyuu with kageyama kuroo tsukki and bokuto, please please? it's a bonus if they can dance kpop pretty please?

having a multilingual s/o

[a/n: thank you for the request anon! you’re so sweet ♡ here you go! -yours truly, bunnyy -`ღ´-  p.s. I’m sorry some are shorter than others, I’m still getting used to writing for Bokuto and Kageyama ]

kageyama tobio

♕ I don’t think he’d know that you spoke multiple languages until he heard you speak something other than japanese

♕ when you tell him you’re actually korean it all finally makes sense to him

♕ I feel like he’s more on the traditional side so I don’t think he’d take you up on learning a new language, other than english, but he definitely loves hearing you speak any language you know

♕ he really likes korean banana milk, he gets all blushy and pink when you get him a case of them

♕ I think he’d lowkey brag to Hinata about how smart you are

♕ you would 100% become their japanese tutor despite them...being japanese

♕ he won’t admit it but loves it if you call him pet names in your native language

♕ loves when you put snacks in his bag before practice

♕ loves hearing how jealous tanaka and noya get when they learn that he has an s/o AND they’re super duper smart

♕ I think he’d listen to got7, ikon, NCT U and NCT 127, won’t admit it but probably listens to Red Velvet

♕ he’d watch you practice kpop dances and wonder why you always get so tired, it looks super easy

♕ wrong!! he’d join you one day and this poor boy can hardly keep up

♕ I think he’d help you record them if you asked

♕ despite not wanting to learn the language, he’d learn cute little phrases to see you blush since I feel like he’s into that super mushy stuff when no one’s around

♕ would always compliment you and reassure you when you’re feeling down

♕  “What’s wrong (y/n)?” he asked when he finds you teary eyed outside of the gym

♕ “I failed my math test tobio, I feel so stupid...” He’d look so offended that those words even came out of your mouth

♕ “That’s a joke, right?” you’d frown up at him in confusion. “I have the most talented and intelligent s/o ever, what makes you think that, just because you got a bad grade in math, you’re stupid? Nope. I won’t let you say that.” He’d cross his arms

kuroo tetsuro

❂ definitely brags about how smart his s/o is to ANYONE that will listen

❂ he’d tease Lev about the fact that you could probably speak russian if you wanted to while he couldn’t

❂ that always earned him a smack upside the head and you apologizing to Lev

❂ he thinks it’s super hot when you speak your native language/dialect, loves watching how words always seem to just roll off your tongue

❂ he would definitely ask you to teach him curse words in every language you know just in case he ever needs them

❂ dies if you call him ‘oppa,’ i will not be taking criticism about this one

❂ I think he’d definitely want to learn how to speak your native tongue, or at least learn enough to understand it

❂ he is here for the food too, he will literally stuff his face with any traditional food you give him

❂ definitely has a tiktok profile just to post k-pop cover dances that the both of you did

absolutely loses his shit when kenma tells you guys he saw your video on his fyp

❂ he’d be into some hype kpop groups like Stray Kids, BTS, mamamoo, and KARD (he is very jealous of BM’s tiddies)

❂ 100% will body roll and twerk to Jay Park

tsukishima kei

(tf is his neck so long for???)

♪ he’d take it as a threat

♪ he prides himself on being 𝓫𝓲𝓰 𝓫𝓻𝓪𝓲𝓷 so if you casually mention that you speak multiple languages, he’d have an aneurysm

♪  will bully you into teaching him any language you speak

♪ “Kei, just ask me nicely and I’ll teach you all you want.” You giggled at his scowl

♪ “Tch as if I’d let you teach me anything.” he scoffed. “Your grade in japanese is lower than mine.” he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose

♪ “You know what, Hinata and Kageyama were asking if I could teach them some english. Maybe I’ll go teach someone who’ll appreciate it.” As you turned to walk away, a smirk grew on your lips

♪ “Wait...” He grabbed you wrist softly *making the face in the gif* “P-please t-teach me, (y/n)...” deciding you had tortured him enough, you happily nodded

♪ he’s a relatively good student, he just kinda absorbs the information

♪  you like to teach him stupid things like, “my name is kei and i look like a giraffe, nice to meet you.”

♪  “Wait...is-isn’t that the word for giraffe?” whoops, you tried to have a serious face and deny his words but you couldn’t contain the chuckle that escaped your lips. “I just called myself a giraffe, didn’t I?”

♪ you couldn’t even answer, mouth wide open in a silent laugh as you nodded dramatically

♪ while you’re busy laughing, he’ll grip your hips and pull you onto his lap

♪ “Kei what are-”

♪ “Someone’s being naughty today~” those words were purred in perfect pronunciation, even perfect sounding dialect

♪ hearing him say that in your native tongue made your breath hitch

♪ now he’s the one laughing

♪ I think he would enjoy more of the Krnb artists like Dean, Dprlive, Heize or offonoff maybe some Jay Park and Dok2, basically anyone from AOMG, if he’s feeling a little raunchy (i kinda hate that word tbh)

♪ he’d enjoy watching you do kpop dances but would never join in, saying it’s a waste of energy or something like that

♪ loves korean snacks, 10/10 would give you a ton of kisses if they taste kinda like strawberry shortcake

bokuto kotaro

☆ this boy would talk about you so much

☆ akaashi would have to tell him to shut up and focus which then makes him go into depresso mode

☆ “I was just saying that they’re super smart...” His hair would deflate and a pout would form on his lips

☆ “please come fix your boyfriend.”

☆ that text from akaashi made you sigh, you could basically sense that he was rolling his eyes so you came in to the gym and mended your boyfriend with a few kisses and words of encouragement

☆ i don’t think he’d take your offer in learning your native language but he’d definitely learn a few phrases

☆ I think he’d also enjoy being called ‘oppa’

☆ when it comes to kpop dances, he’d love to join you but would probably do 100x better

☆ for groups, I think he’d listen to Black Pink, NCT U, and Jay Park since I feel like he’d be into groups/artists that have songs that hype him up

☆ he enjoys hearing the changes in your voice whenever you speak a different language, whether it gets higher or deeper in pitch...he loves it

☆ he’d also stuff his face with any cultural dish you make him

☆ I also lowkey feel like bokuto would love to watch k-dramas, he’d definitely cry once the protagonists finally get together. he’d also get excited when he understands words or phrases without looking at the subtitles

[sdv-mostly-shane]

The Guessing Game.

Summary: Shane is at the saloon, when the farmer starts talking about the person they love in town. The man they are describing sounds so amazing that Shane couldn’t possibly think they’re talking about him.

Warnings: mild mentions of alcoholism, mild NSFW

*Thud*. He didn’t exactly intend to slam the door, but he didn’t care enough to stop himself. *Thud* The ache of his upper back as he dropped himself against the wall wasn’t enough to distract him from the greater throbbing in his head as he fought off last nights abyss, yet still craved another, all the same. *Thud*. The familiar, dull sound of glass hitting wood, as he raised the liquid amber to his lips, over and over and over and over and.....

He hated himself.

Though his mind was flooded with apparitions that screamed declarations of self loathing, desperation, and insults, he still could hear one thing above the thoughts- the farmers voice. The moment that solid door opened, Shane looked for the familiar sway of the farmers boots through the fan of his eyelashes on his downturned head. He never looked up except to take another pensive drink, but from the moment he caught sight of those boots, he lingered his gaze just a moment too long on the face of the farmer, hoping to never be noticed. The one thing he could always do without being caught though, was listen-and that, he certainly did. He loved the sound of the farmers voice

He hated how much of a fool he was

Emily’s bright singsong of a voice was heard first: “Hey, Farmer! We’ve become decent friends, haven’t we? That’s fine with me.”

The farmer responded with some pleasantries, as they pulled out a counter stool, and the two continued their conversation, seeming as close as friends could be. Shane only ever had one friend like that-and he wasn’t here anymore. He longed to be talked to like that again, but not just by anyone, but by the farmer. He, however, knew he was far too messed up for that to happen, so he instead resigned to pushing the farmer away as much as possible, to avoid being crushed by the inevitable failure that his depression and alcoholism caused on his relationships.

Emily chimed, interrupting him from his dark thoughts: “So, now that you’re all settled in, have you had your eye on anyone? You can tell me! I promise I won’t spill”

In an instant, Shane felt every ounce of blood rush straight to his face. He quickly hid behind his glass, the speed of doing so nearly causing him to fall over from the combined embarrassment and the buzz. He hadn’t allowed himself the luxury of dreaming about being with the farmer, but he certainly hadn’t thought about the possibility of the farmer being with someone else. The blood from his face turned, and drained straight to the pit of his stomach, and he was overcome with the dark, sour images of the farmer being held by another...

He hated how much he longed for the farmer.

He braced himself for the heartache-a pain just as familiar as the taste of the amber in his cup. Who would it be? The farmer was so good, so pure, so charming, and so perfect. They already had the whole town wrapped around their finger; they could choose anyone and they’d be theirs in an instant. Who even said they’d have to choose someone from The Valley? After all, they had a life in the city... they probably had plenty of others ready to accept the moment they’d ask. There was no possible way someone as bright and beautiful could ever like someone like Shane, let alone BE with him. He held his breath as he waited for an answer.

“Well... (as much as Shane dreaded the coming heartbreak, he still felt the warmth in his heart from their voice) I haven’t been here in The Valley very long, but I knew it as soon as I first saw him, that I would marry him one day. He’s absolutely the one for me.”

Here it comes. A ‘him’. Was it Sam? He was so funny, boyishly innocent with fluffy blonde hair, and he played the guitar for Yoba’s sake. It could easily have been love at first sight.

The farmer was interrupted by a squealing Emily- “I knew it! I could see it in your eyes. I know that look anywhere. What’s he like?”

“You know, I haven’t really talked to him too much; he always seems to be in such a hurry. But from what I have seen, he’s really gentle and caring towards those he loves, even if he does say things wrong sometimes. He’s really funny in a blunt sort of way, which I really like. I find him quite charming.”

Sounds like Harvey. The man was as gentle as it could come; Shane’s gruffness was in sharp contrast, and charming was definitely not a word he would use to describe himself. If the farmer was after someone nice, and who could actually support them, then the Doctor was the top pick.

“You know, I actually really think he’s super attractive too.”

“Well obviously I would hope so, if you had this big of a crush on him”

“Okay, yeah, but I mean it! His features are so defined, strong, and unique-I could look at his face all day. I really think he’s gorgeous. His hands are something else too; they look so rough and capable....” the farmer leaned in close to Emily but said in a not-so-quiet whisper, “you know, between you and I, Ive spent more than one night dreaming about those hands all over me..When I said capable, i meant it”

The blood from the knot in Shane’s stomach traveled further down, and he had to reign his thoughts in before they made a gallop toward a one-way dive off a cliff. Trying to distance himself away from those intense desires, he focused on the dream-guy the farmer was describing; Harvey was out of the question then-the doctor was neither defined nor strong. The looker of the town was Elliot, even Shane, oblivious as he was, knew that. While he hated the way his body looked in the mirror and was disgusted by the extra weight and shortness he was so blessed with, Elliot was tall, lean, and had silky hair like a girl. It’d make sense that the farmer would want someone as beautiful as them... that hand comment left Shane doubtful that it was indeed, Elliot though, since he never worked manual labor a day in his life-why would his hands be rough? Whoever it was, d*mn was he lucky. Shane knew in his heart he could never compete with that, so he forlornly sank deeper into his drink, promising himself for the hundredth time to get in better shape, starting tomorrow.

“How did you meet?”

“Well actually, he was pretty arrogant to me at first, but I feel like he puts up a front, and that he’s actually just hiding how sensitive he is. He really seems to have such great depth of emotion. I really want to see what’s behind the wall he puts up; He seems so kind hearted.”

Shane knew the only other single arrogant a*sholes in town beside himself were Alex and Sebastian. He saw a past version of himself in Alex, full of dreams, ability, and goals. Of course the farmer would like someone ambitious like that. Alex didn’t exactly hit the “depth of emotions” qualifier though, and was a big bit of a himbo. He didn’t really know Sebastian, except that he sometimes heard the rumbling of his motorcycle through the mountain on late nights spent in cindersnap forests. The farmer didn’t seem the type to go after that emo gothic ‘bad boy’ type, but then again, they could like the adventure that Sebastian could give them- something Shane never could do. Neither of them seemed all together kind-hearted, though, as far as Shane could tell.

Shane hated this wonderful sounding person that the farmer was describing.

Emily quickly responded “He sounds so dreamy. You HAVE to tell me who it is this instant. Do I know them?”

“Yeah actually, you see him in here all the time!”

Okay, that one caught the liquor in his mouth. None of the bachelors he thought the farmer was talking about frequented the bar all too often... maybe he was wrong? The only other guys that were “here all the time” were Gus, Willy, and Clint... and Shane didn’t even want to go there in his mind, and none of them were fitting to the descriptions the farmer laid out. The person that the farmer was describing seemed so thoroughly wonderful, that Shane didn’t even consider throwing himself in to his imaginary puzzle, he was none of those things that the farmer said.

He hated knowing that he would never be enough for the farmer

The alcohol alone was enough to make his mind cloudy, but the thoughts of the farmer being with any one of the men in town had his head spinning even more with jealousy and lust. He was so fervent and lost in his own train of thought trying to piece together the mystery, that he didn’t realize that with every sip of his drink, he drug his feet closer and closer to the farmer until he was practically sitting in their chair with them.

“In fact, he’s here now”

Shane whipped his head around, so close to the farmer that he nearly bumped into their hat, heart racing, and desperate to finally figure out who tf was so dear to his beloved farmer, so that he could just take the bitter wound and get it over with. Shane took inventory of who was in the room: Farmer, Gus, Leah, and Emily, who had just silently went to go grab a dish cloth from the back cupboards and turned the corner out of sight.

The breath of the farmers next words was hot and close in Shane’s ear : “I think you may know him too, Shane.”

He loved the feeling of the farmers breath on him.

[samwrights]

Saint

Um. I’m sorry 🤷🏻‍♀️ lmao no tf I’m not. Thank you anon for this request! It’s been a really long time since I’ve wrote actual smut so let’s give a whirl, shall we?

Warnings: NSFW. Dirty talk, choking, rough sex (though only a brief mention of actual penetration), degradation, and I think that’s it? NSFW under the cut.

The two of you were such a strange dynamic to begin with. Despite his large, athletic build, Kuroo Tetsurō was a brilliant man that often donned a lab coat; using his brains to support chemical innovation in the world. He was sarcastic and playful, yet dorky and very sincere despite the loving a good battle of wit. Truly, he was the total package.

You, on the other hand, barely reached his chest with your short stature. Loud, bossy, but a visionary with unwavering courage that stood out astronomical miles in your field of being an editor for an alternative magazine. Miranda Priestly has nothing on you in terms of work ethic.

Despite the fact that the two of you have been dating since your first year at university together, it still blew everyone away that the two of you had even lasted, let alone for the last six years.

“There’s no way the sex is that good,” Bokuto had balked. The former Fukurodani ace, along with his former setter and now partner, and Kuroo himself got together one Saturday a month for a boy’s night. Some days, Tsukishima Kei would join in, along with Hinata. Today, it was just the old Tokyo trio. “Dude, she’s crazy!”

“I’m not saying anything,” says Kuroo, holding up his hands in nonchalance before knocking back the rest of the beer in his bottle. “But yes, it is that good.” It wasn’t Kuroo’s only reason for being with you, no. You were a hard worker that always gave more than one-hundred percent at everything you did, including your guys’ relationship. In that was your unmatchable ability to resolve any conflict. It seemed like such a stupid reason to stay with someone, Bokuto and Akaashi had even told him so at one point, but he knew that the Fukurodani couple had never felt the strength, growth, and peace that it did for your relationship. 

Imagine being with somebody who listened to you and actively sought to work through problems together rather than starting a fight because you forgot it was your turn to do the dishes. Kuroo had never been in such a fulfilling relationship and, to be honest, he didn’t want to attempt to find another one—he was in it for the long haul and he wouldn’t stop until you told him it was over.

“She’s a top.” Akaashi blanches, noticing the way Kuroo’s eyes almost distance as he silently reflects on his relationship. “He’s got the same look in his eye when I wonder why I’m dating you,” the former setter deadpans, staring at his silver haired partner.

“You are so mean, Akaashi!”

“Are you implying Bokuto’s—you know what, never mind,” Kuroo stops in his tracks, reaching for another bottle from the bucket. “I don’t even wanna know.”

“Babe, I’m home!” Kuroo calls out the minute he steps through the threshold of your guys’ shared apartment. He can hear the stovetop kettle whistling as you make yourself your usual evening tea to unwind after an impromptu day at the office. “Hey,” he greets again as he steps into the kitchen. You’re only wearing a mid-length fluffy robe, from what he can tell.

“Hey, baby. How was boy’s night?”

“The usual,” Kuroo sidles closer, wrapping one arm around your waist before pressing a kiss into your hair, “still thinking I’m crazy for dealing with you.” A laugh escapes you as you pour your tea.

“I mean, you kind of are,” you concede, “you’re an absolute saint for putting up with me.” An unimpressed hum leaves his lips as he adjusts himself so that he has both hands on your waist. His hazel eyes are burning into yours as he glowers—he doesn’t like it you talk about yourself like this; like you were a burden; like you were too much to handle. “Oh, you know it’s true. I’m a lot to deal with.” You roll your eyes before gently pushing him out of your way so that you can curl up in front of your little fireplace.

“[name], you know that it’s not true.”

“What, that you’re a saint—“

“Baby, I am the furthest thing from that.” You’re thankful that Kuroo at least gave you a moment to set the mug down before he’s on top of you in the most feral way. With lips latched onto the base of your neck, Kuroo’s expert hands fiddle with the knot that’s holding your robe together. “Stop saying you’re too much,” the former Nekoma captain murmurs along your collarbone as he ventures down. “If anything, you aren’t enough.”

“Tetsu...” You simper as he nips at the flesh.

“I can never have enough of you.” When did his fingers undo your robe? You had no idea, nor did it matter the moment. Calloused fingers danced along your bare stomach, tracing patterns unknown to you before traveling town the tops of your thighs.

“Tetsu, touch me.” The words leave your lips in a breathless whine. A chuckle rumbles in his chest, his breath fanning over you as he looks up at you, all the while his tongue darts out to tease your bare nipples.

“You know, Akaashi thinks you’re a top,” he muses as he travels from one breast to another, as if he were talking about the weather rather than your sexual preferences. “Should I tell them next time you love being fucked like a whore?” The word leaves Kuroo’s lips as he jams two fingers inside of you. It should be unpleasant, it would be unpleasant, if just looking at your boyfriend didn’t turn you on instantly. “Aw, cute. You’re already wet.”

“Skip the foreplay, Tetsu—“

“And now you think you’re calling the shots?” Kuroo takes his freehand that’s been essentially absent until now, and presses it into your throat. The heel of his hand is digging into the base of your neck while his fingers give tentative squeezes around the sides of your windpipe. He’s checking to make sure he has your consent to continue. You only moan in response. “Who’s in charge here, princess?” It’s difficult to respond with a hand wrapped around your neck; even more so when your boyfriend has two fingers ramming themselves into you just the way you love it.

“You are, Tetsu.” You manage to rasp out, your hands traveling underneath his shirt. You needed to touch him. Feeling the delicate pads of your manicured fingers even just grazing the muscle under his abdomen earns a groan from the man above you. He pulls his fingers out from you, earning a moan in disappointment from your struggling mouth as you long for the feeling of being filled. Instead, he rolls your sensitive clit between his middle and index fingers, doing anything and everything to rile you up.

“You never answered my question.” Kuroo deadpans, bringing his face dangerously close to yours. You can smell the stale wheat ale on his breath as his nose delicately rests on yours, all the while his hand is still nearly strangling you. At some point, spots in your vision were beginning to cut out from the lack of oxygen—Kuroo could even tell. It was a look he never grew tired of seeing. “Answer the question.” He bites out, slamming his lips on yours. The succession of movements comes rapidly as he finally lets go of your throat, pulling away to allow you to breathe while simultaneously rubbing at your clit vigorously to coax your first orgasm of the night. “Want me to tell the boys you love getting fucked like a whore?” He asks again. For a moment, you teeter back and forth between saying yes and no. If you said no, he was going to keep playing with you in the way you craved after a rough day at work. But if you said yes, he was either going to choke you with his hand or his cock.

Either option is favorable at this point.

Tetsurō’s fingers are moving with a knowledge that only he knew—bringing you closer and closer to orgasm as he inserts them once again, curling them instinctively to push on your sweet spot. “Fuck!” You scream, the word sending shivers up Kuroo’s spine. But for your sake, he’s doing his best to ignore how much he wants to rip his own clothes off and pound into you and break the couch. Again.

“C’mon baby, tell me.” It was meant to come out as a demand, you knew so, but the most Kuroo could muster out right now was broken pleas thanks to his throbbing erection. He needed to be inside you, and he needed it now.

“Go ahead,” you all but cry out and for a moment the man is unsure if you’re giving him permission to fuck you or tell his friends the real dirty details of your sex life. “Tell them the truth, tell them I’m your little slut.” Kuroo lets out a groan before tearing his fingers away from you once again and immediately unbuckling his jeans, revealing his painfully hard cock and filling you without a bout of resistance. Both of you let a breath out, as if neither of you realized you were holding one.

“I love you,” he reminds you, breaking character for just a moment. Or rather, in apology because you know he’s going to break the goddamn couch again. Experimentally, Kuroo cautiously pulls out, his cock bottoming out inside of you as he does so, before just leaving the tip inside of you. His hand is dancing along your throat again, as the two of you hold eye contact. “Still think I’m a saint?”

[rainey-staerie-daize]

A multi-day journal entry because it’s been a few: 03.10.21

Went for a nice walk around the neighborhood on Saturday because I felt like being outside and not at home. Found out where exactly Xan’s school is and how to get to it because I may or may not have to drop him off if Mom is scheduled extra days this month. Passed lots of houses and found out how all the nearby streets connect. Would've taken artsy pics except I forgot to take a phone with me. Met two or three tiny dogs and two big dogs at two different houses, and they all barked at me as I said hello. Oh, and one guy in a truck with tons of oranges in the back asked me if I wanted to buy some, but I declined. COVID-19, no money on me, and I don’t really like oranges all that much anyway because of the texture. Also passed by a house that was for sale with a kitchen sink that faces the front yard. There was a faucet zip-tied in its box in one side of it, and it’s the same faucet we have: Glacier Something, that detaches as a sprayer.

Getting to Xan’s school was kinda rocky for me because I was wearing my bad, thin-soled flats and I didn’t realize that there was a paved path on the other side of the wash until I got to the end at the school. Partway, I went to take off the mask because nobody was around and I needed all my depth perception, but one side broke as I did, so I spent a few minutes awkwardly standing at the end of the path as I retied my mask. Also tied my flannel shut because it’s too small to button, and it looked just a little odd with my AMBITION shirt and leggings.

Being at the school was kinda nostalgic, even though I never attended that specific one. Enough things were the same though: sun-faded signs, bike cage, playground equipment, fenced in area for the kindergarteners, portables in the back, a huge yellow field, clinking chains on the tetherball poles, and the silence of nobody else there but me.

Except, I wasn’t waiting for a parent to pick me up for once. I was there on my own free will. Other things that didn’t match my childhood include the entrance to the playground being nicely framed by four or so trees, a nice round gathering area painted like the sun around the flag pole, “welcome back” spelled out in blue Solo cups shoved into the bike cage fence, and one of the “no parking” signs by the drop-off area being scribbled out so it said “park here.” It was nice, and I yearn to be ten or younger again.

Partway through my little campus tour, it got a little windy, and I briefly thought about going home, but I ultimately decided to keep walking the same direction and circle my way back home. There’s a big dirt lot right next to the field fenced off, and then I could see the intersection that I’ve walked to the other way around before, so I headed over that way. Came across a shopping center with a bunch of stores, and looked at each one as I passed them. Was able to see inside of a dry cleaner place and look at the machines inside, but after the guy at the counter acknowledged my presence like I was a potential customer, I told him I had never seen inside one before and was just taking a walk, and kinda just... quickly walked away. The shopping center also had a Walmart Neighborhood Market, and I spotted a wild dark-haired Karen with no mask, that I felt was way to close to me. Probably three or four feet away, I don’t know. My depth perception sucks.

Rounding about the other end of the shopping center after looking at Panda Express, Denny’s, and a pizza place, I heard a familiar couple of notes come from one of the vehicles in the parking lot. The beginning notes of She’s a Beauty by The Tubes, which I almost never hear play on the radio or anything because it’s from the early 80s. Despite not being born until 2000, I know a few of their songs because my uncle is the bass player and I’ve been to a few of their concerts when I was younger.

So I started singing a bit as I was walking, and as it started getting more faint, I stopped walking, turned around, and cupped my right ear with my hand to keep listening. Pretty sure one guy looked at me like I was crazy, but I didn’t care. After it ended, or at least, I think it did, I continued on my way, the same route I use when I’m returning home from that street’s bus stop.

When I got home, Mom was out cold on her bed after the facial she did earlier. Skye later told me she never even noticed I left because she went straight to bed for an afternoon nap when she was done, never leaving her room.

I finally reset my sleep schedule enough to wake up at 4 AM on Sunday, which is good enough for me because I used to wake up then in high school anyway. I spent a while just waking up on the toilet, and then decided to do some light cleaning and picking up around the house to surprise Mom when she woke up. She never notices, but I didn’t care about that then.

After tidying up Kare’s hair accessories on the counter and finding her toothbrush still with toothpaste on it from the night before, I decided to rinse out her unicorn wash cloth sitting on the counter, and maybe clean up the toothpaste on the counter with it, but then Mom woke up from the couch. I got scared that she’d be mad I was doing stuff in her bathroom, so I snuck out to the other one. Was a little bored waiting for her to be busy with something so I could finish her counter, so I wiped down the counter of the bathroom I was in.

She tried to come in to get laundry, which startled me because I was right next to the door, and immediately spotted the unicorn cloth. She went off on me for using “something that she uses on her FACE” on the counters of all things. Briefly mentioned wiping the toilet, as if she thought that’s what I did before I walked in.

I didn’t even try explaining myself. Just stood there and let her yell. I know I got a little carried away with cleaning stuff, but like, it was soapy. It’s like Mom complaining that I used the dish sponge with antibacterial dish detergent on Roxie’s food bowls. It doesn’t make sense, but I was too tired and down on myself to care about her seeing my side.

During the visit, Skye and I stayed home and talked in our room, and I looked up that house I saw for sale. Not that nice, and currently off the market, but I found two others that I absolutely love. Kinda wish I’d had a job this entire time. Then maybe I could have enough money to put down a down payment and get one of them. Oh well.

Mom came home while the littles were still at the visit, and Skye and I both pretended to be asleep so we didn’t have to interact with her. Some of her behavior has seemed kinda... sus. I ended up falling asleep for real though, on the carpet, woke up briefly a few times, and finally got up at 1 AM.

Mom was still up, and told me how one of my old friends was trying to contact me but couldn’t because my phone was off, so I turned it back on and we talked for a while. I gave her my Google number in case my actual phone wasn’t working, and wished her a happy birthday, but she fell asleep before she saw the birthday message. Don’t remember much else of the day, except I turned in a Japanese quiz early and cleaned Roxie and her crate. Like always, cleaning took a while because I am very thorough, and because she pooped in the crate when I was washing her bowls. I had to rewash her and the crate floor, which, after last time, I now know slides TF out.

Ended it all with a hot bath for myself, which I fell asleep in. Woke up cold because half the water drained out through the faulty plug, so I ran it again, and fell asleep again. Woke up cold again, refilled it, and finally washed myself. Got out and was relieved to find Roxie and her “room” still clean, and I finished it off with her blankets and one of her beds from the dryer. I tried a new thing with the blanket where I tie one end (two corners) to the crate ceiling to almost make a tent, and she seems to like it.

Not counting the bath naps, I stayed up for over 24 hours, but didn’t realize why I was so damn tired until late Tuesday morning. Ended up falling asleep for a couple hours that afternoon, woke up for a while, and then went back to sleep at a decent time time at night, but I was woken up around 2:30 AM by Mom looking for her keys. She was panicking because March has blackout days and she’s already near her point limit, so being late could literally get her fired. She kept asking where I put them, since her purse and dealer apron were moved off of the crate by me to clean it, but I told her I hadn’t even seen them. I don’t think she believed me, because she still sounded like she was blaming me for not being able to find them.

Not my fault that you said “stop putting things on the dog crate,” and then you kept putting your own stuff on top of the dog crate, and then wanted me to clean it. Where the Hell was I supposed to put her stuff while I was cleaning it?

Skye eventually found her keys in the unlocked car, and she finally left, but was back by 4 AM because she signed the EO list. She tried to prank us when she came in by telling us she was fired, but I didn’t buy it because she wasn’t crying. Trust me, she’d be bawling her eyes out if that had actually happened.

Bringing us to Wednesday, I was a tired mess who’d done Duolingo all morning when I showed us to my Japanese lecture. I only remembered to do it because I heard Mom doing it. She’s apparently gonna learn Spanish.

I still have a few things to make up for that class, but at least I’ve finally organized my worksheets into homework packets. I’ve gone this long before remembering we own a stapler.

[trynottolinger]

sometimes I feel like I’m faking this whole “chronic pain” deal. Like I’ll have a good few days and be like “pfff am I even sick?” (usually still with some kind of brace on because the joints in my hands are a lie). And then I spend a few hours doing house chores or I go for a longer walk without strapping up my entire left leg and all of a sudden it’s like “ooooohhh right that pain. that’s the pain that apparently other people don’t feel”

I have a really weird relationship with my illness. On the one hand I have adapted really well to needing mobility aids and having to take various painkillers daily to cope. Especially considering it’s only really been a year since this started to widely affect my daily life. (untrue I have been using a knee brace for around 4 years and have been carrying painkillers with me everywhere for even longer (I just get better ones now))

But Because of the nature of hyper mobility spectrum disorders, I have been suffering the symptoms for far longer than I ever realized. When I was young I was taken to see a specialist because I told my mum my knees hurt so much it kept me awake at night. The doctor said of course, I had hyper mobility and was growing. Perfectly normal. So, seven or so year old me internalized that as “everyone feels this, this is fine”. So I never brought it up again. And what with almost going deaf with various ear infections I never thought much of it. I never thought much of the blinding pain I felt when I jumped from the swings. I figured thats just how ankles feel. I never questioned the pain in my bones. When my feet hurt so much I thought I was going to throw up, I figured no one else was complaining so it must be normal. It never occurred to me that they didn’t feel the same. When I was 15 I mentioned to a doctor my back hurt ALL  the time. She said it was natural. So I figured everyone’s back hurt that much. Besides isn’t that a meme of our generation? (It wasn’t until this year after over ten years I realized the pain was because my hips sublux and shift their alignment) And after that I moved around a lot until I came to settle here. I didn’t see a doctor for about 4 years. And the first time I went to see a doctor about the pain in my bones was only two years ago. I’m lucky that although there have been some terrible doctors in this time like the guy who I went to see in September, when my body was in its worst flare up ever (I had NO IDEA what was happening at the time) and my right hand was fucked. (Looking back on it now I’m pretty fucking sure I had dislocated my wrist and at least two fingers but at the time I didn’t know that was a thing that could happen from washing dishes.) Who didn’t even LOOK at my wrist. Did not ask me a SINGLE question aside from if I could put my hand down flat on his desk (I could not even straighten out my fingers) And declared I had arthritis, prescribed me not a single painkiller and sent me for blood tests. And the lady who I saw post blood tests who told me the good news, not arthritis, but could not understand why that made me break down in floods of tears (because hey lady, if it’s not that then WHY THE FUCK DO I HURT ALL THE TIME?!!?!) And instead of talking to me wrote me a prescription that upset me even more. (I mean who tf thinks its a good idea to give a clearly upset person medication that says ANTIDEPRESSANTS on the label and not think to explain, “oh no I don’t think you’re mental and just need to calm down. This medication is more commonly used as pain relief now.”) I have also been lucky enough to be seen by a very kind EMT at my doctors office and a really lovely GP, who both referred me to a physiotherapist and my GP has me on a waiting list to see a rheumatologist.

Although it feels brand new, I have been fighting this for so much longer than I ever had words for. The only difference is that now I know what tools are available to me to help. And I know I am allowed to use them. I am not ashamed for needing a walking stick sometimes. And sometimes that makes me feel more fake. Because I read all the time about people and their struggle to accept their mobility aids. It’s only taken me 6 months of understanding to give in and adapt to taking mine with me everywhere. So maybe I am faking it. Maybe I don’t need it. Maybe im not as bad as I keep telling people I am.

Even though my life turned upside down last year with my illness. I still get that feeling that this is just how everyone feels. Even though my PT every time, reminds me its not. Even though my friends tell me it’s not. I’m still waiting for someone to point me out. “they’re not disabled!!!” Im still waiting to be called an attention seeker. I’m still not used to being aloud to be in pain. People get sick of hearing about pain. But I HAVE to talk about mine. When I reach my limits I have to say so or face my body’s consequences. I’m still getting used to that.

I guess what I’m saying is, I am getting better at looking after my body. But I struggle to allow myself to identify with this new life. I struggle with the word spoonie, even though it covers how I feel so well. I struggle with the word disabled, even when I am, less able. I know part of it is from not having a diagnosis. I know what I think it is... but for now I am just the same as everyone else. There could well be nothing wrong. They still have time to tell me it was all in my head.  And that fills me with so much fear. so much dread.

[natsunoomoi]

FFVII Thoughts

-This whole thing with Jessie is so much filler it’s mostly unnecessary. Plus I feel like the whole impact of Jessie and her arc and even this filler is detracted by her being a former actress. Like I mentioned before I feel like her being an actress and known for toying with men kind of takes away from her crush on Cloud and makes it seem cheap. Also even though she’s someone’s daughter who is more tech inclined, I always thought of her as an engineer herself and like a former Shinra engineer that quit would have been a more powerful message than that of an actress. Even if you keep her Dad getting sick it adds an extra layer. Like say she worked in R&D and they like pushed an experimental mako enhancement for the plant too soon and she warned it would make people sick and it made her Dad sick. There’s a lot of ways her story would have been better and fit more nicely into the narrative. :/

-Even though Jessie annoys me, Biggs is kind of okay but he comes off to me as a little cliche. Wedge is kind of a little nicer.

-Aww, they took out the pickpocket on the train during the ID scan. That would have been a lot harder to deal with, but yeah.

-Good lord they stretched out these areas.

-Completely lost in this lamp and platform maze, but after a long time I finally figure out how to get out even with the items.

-Another maze and more reactor context change.

-Robot change where you can screw it over. That’s interesting.

-Yay Aerith!

-Dang Reno. You hard.

-OMG stupid ghosts get out of the way. I bet I have to trek all this way back to get this materia.

-This church is now also a crazy rat maze.

-Now onto roof rat maze.

-Ugh, why do I have to take the long way just to avoid Rude?

-Let me explore the town!

-Cloud and Aerith are way more helpful in this game. The kids have a secret hide out. Cool, I guess.

-Chadley is seriously simultaneously frustrating and useful.

-Yay I can go back and get crap from the church.

-Okay, so sneak out. Why tf is there a pot right outside my room that I can’t see?

-Okay, so there’s Aerith. We have a secret tunnel-ish. So many ladders. So much up and down.

-Out of that maze and yay they kept that scene where Aerith brings up Zack. Still not sure I’m liking all the foreshadowing cuz this was a spoiler in the original game.

-Tifa looks nice in that outfit. Like in general in this game though. They gave her a pretty thoughtful makeover that like captures the essence of her original profile, but also with some added tweaks in style that I actually like better. Like she didn’t have those thigh highs before, but those are a nice touch. And instead of her mini skirt her skirt is actually a skort and is pleated. Plus like the better boob support.

-Good lord Wall Mart is so involved now. So many alleys. Get out of the way yo!

-Leslie seems kind of cool, but I’m not sure cuz he works for a creep.

-Ugh hussle of trying to figure out how to get in. This sponsorship thing is new. I guess Corneo got more exclusive in this game.

-I have to go to the coloseum? Ugh, why?

-This crowd is full of haters.

-Okay winning over the crowd....

-I have an extra battle? WTF is this BS. I almost wish it was the Turks making a surprise appearance. That seems like a silly stupid thing the original would have done.

-Obviously Cloud caught someone else’s attention.

-Yay! Finally dress up time.

-Awesome. I’m doing a bunch of quests now.

-Whoops I didn’t level up my materia all the way. I got most of them so it’s doing fine but just the medicine thing.

-I saw a lot of people complaining about Jules, but he wasn’t so bad? I just needed to remember the rhythm and what I was doing by saying it so I could keep track of the pattern.

-Ugh, Johnny where you taking me? I have to wait for someone not yet.

-Oh Aerith looks nice. I like her outfit.

-Okay time to dress up Cloud.

-Whoa, Folia is a honeybee? Teh shock.

-What is this mini-game? It’s hard to keep rhythm and sometimes I actually can’t see the queue. Why do you design a mini-game where you can’t see the thing clearly?

-Oh shit I missed a track because I didn’t want to sit there and keep playing a frustrating mini-game. D:

-Yay! At least I got the cute dress. But real talk I kind of miss the old way to dress up Cloud only cuz I would want to see what the different colored wigs look like, but that whole storyline is very trans insensitive. Or even drag insensitive, so I understand why they changed it.

-Andrea is kind of cool. I was worried they were going to make him into some kind of flaming stereotype, but actually although he definitely has some flare, he’s a pretty well balanced character and none of the characters really judge him for his personal choices. Although definitely some judgement for the stuff they make them do, but that’s fair because you’re being subjected to it. Good on Cloud for following along.

-Okay time to take down this fat loser. So how does this work? How do you know who he’ll choose?

-Wait does he just choose Cloud every time? That’s a little less fun. I liked dressing Cloud up as the prettiest princess so that you could get him picked.

-This bit of them threatening Corneo’s private parts is still one of my favorite things. It was teh shock when I saw it the first time back in the day and I still enjoy it now.

-Ugh, the sewer. Also a lot of denial. But ugh the sewer.

-My sister was right. The train graveyard is creepier.

-Oh crap I forgot to steal from Eligor. !@#$@#%

-Alright climb the pillar. This is kind of slightly more fun with the extra scenes from Reno and Rude.

-Whoa, they saved Wedge. Cuz he originally totally ate it. Like straight fell off the pillar several stories and was unresponsive.

-Biggs and Jessie still die. That’s fine. I actually feel less sorry for Jessie dying than I did with the original. :/ I think because they managed to actually make her irritating with how over the top they made her.

-Aerith and Marlene is so cute!

-Helicopter shots are annoying, but I like hearing Reno. It’s sad that Fujiwara Keiji died two days after this came out. This is like the last thing he did probably. But his voice fit Reno really well. I don’t think it fit Ardyn well. Ardyn I think deserved a lower register, but I think Square gave him the part probably because of his diagnosis cuz I think Ardyn’s in-game struggle in a sense reflected his real life trials in some way only in the game he became immortal. Real life not so much, but immortalized in a sense through these works. I wonder if Square would have wanted it to come out sooner so that maybe he could have played it himself a little bit before passing, but they had to push the date for quality and stuff.

-I don’t know why, but I really like looking at Reno’s open shirt. Like I think the way they did his abs are a bit different from Advent Children. I think his shirt is even open wider than in AC. *checks* Yeah, it is. AC it’s buttoned up toward the top and just the top one or two are left open. And okay for real Remake has his shirt open even more than even in the original. Nevermind him buttoning up more for AC, but like in original FF7 polygon Reno and original Nomura art Reno looks like it’s only unbuttoned to about mid-pecs. Remake Reno is like down to like the top of his stomach. I guess I can’t complain about the equal opportunity fan service.

-Tseng is actually done pretty well, but I keep looking at him cuz he just strikes me as odd.... Oh wait is it his hair? Is that a hair tie? I don’t think he had a hair tie before. I think we were just supposed to assume he had his hair slicked back and kept in place by gel or hair spray. Also his face is interesting cuz I think they tried to make him actually look Chinese, but I think he just turned out looking kind of like Tamaki Hiroshi. Oh and Suwabe-san!

-LOL Rude carrying Reno like a rag doll.

-And there goes the plate. Oh, no, Wedge. I guess he did die. But the kitties. ;o;

-Let me explore Wall Market! Ugh, fine.

-That Kyrie chick seems kind of a little annoying. I kind of want to let Barret hit her. But I’m probably biased because I had a hot mess of a flatmate with that name and she like didn’t clean up after herself and left dirty dishes in her room and like pushed it up against her roommate’s bed. >.> Like passing responsibility over them to someone else. And I think she maybe broke one of my cups? And like tried to use my stuff without asking? Maybe stole some stuff too but idk. And like worst of all was like she sold her car so she could get money because she couldn’t hold down a job and like needed money and instead of like you know paying rent and bills, she spent it on shoes and make up and left the receipt out for us to find.

-Wall Market is...different in the day time.

-All teh quests.

-Okay Kyrie is still kind of annoying and stupid when you talk with her one on one, but she at least seems better than my flatmate.

-Oh old lady is the Angel.

-Findin’ all the birds. It kind of strikes me that they added this in cuz of how much time it takes to get places and it’s kind of like XV and even the XIV MMO, but not. I guess it’s a staple now with their newer titles because of how grand they make the scenery.

-Down in the sewer again....

-I just really wanna find Corneo’s stash.

-OMG I got a chase this little asshole now.

-Okay so now Leslie. Leslie is a good guy after all. Not a bad new character too. Nice decent development and stuff.

-But gdi Corneo’s still alive. I mean, I knew that cuz Wutai, but ugh.... I think he deserved at least a punch in the face.

-Okay so anyway I guess I’m going up now. Just going to finish up stuff before I go past the point of no return. Get all teh things I can from the coliseum and all that.

-Climbing, climbing. Oops I missed a thing. Was I supposed to?

-Gdi this helicopter thinger is annoying. I can’t slash any boxes. Just kick them around.

-Okay done so I guess I’m going in.

-...Is this a parking lot?

-Oh okay so here’s the entrance.

-Shinra headquarters actually looks like a bigger version of Square Enix’s headquarters in Higashi Shinjuku. I’ve been there pretty recently and also like to cut through the office building to get to Artnia cuz I don’t want to walk all the way around. Decor and stuff and specifics are definitely different, but like the double tower U-shaped look with the walkway in the middle thing is very much how the building is in Shinjuku. Specifics with the stairs and escalators are also different, but kind of the same deal with some amount of ambient lighting at night time and the lobby and such is still mostly open in the evening for people who work late or want to pass through. Some of the doors being locked or like certain staircases and such being roped off are a thing as well. I just know this cuz I often go to Artnia around dinner time when I’m there, so it’s generally after hours already.

-I think even the parking lot situation might even be the same? I’m not sure because I usually take the subway and that let’s out into the mini mall downstairs, but parking if you go there and do that is like subterranean for sure and would be the first layer if it was on a plate.

-I mean, the HQ is also technically kind of on a plate also. Cuz the mini-mall is like below normal street level, but it’s like more cool with like a Lawson’s and restaurants. Coming up from the subway is also a lot similar POV-wise to coming up through grappling hook too in terms of perspective.

-Getting the key. Getting a glove on the way. This part is kind of cool. I always liked this part of the game in the original too and exploring an empty office.

-This is suspicious. I have to take a tour...?

-I guess this is interesting to learn about the company and stuff.

-Weird movie theater. Oh look a spoiler hallucination in the theater. It’s nice to see more of Sephiroth.

-Oh yeah the mayor. That’s a bit of a change that he’s secretly Avalanche. Whatever cool. Yay I got a weapon.

-I gotta do a battle simulator. Oh great I guess if I want items I have to sit here and do all the simulators.

-Oh look it’s Chadley. I have turn ins. Take my stuff.

-Okay so hike upstairs....oh shit they’re going in. Sneak slowly behind and like go around and explore stuff.

-Found the toilet. Haha. Tifa yells at Cloud if he goes in the wrong one. Good.

-This is a nice bathroom.

-Okay up in the vent.

-Interesting extra context and oh yeah Palmer saw Sephiroth.

-Hojo is more gross looking than I remember. Like piled on extra creep factor for him.

-Following into the lab. I guess I should be glad he wasn’t a dumbass and trying to mate Aerith with Red XIII.

-Interesting that it’s only now that they’re really making good use of Those Who Fight Further. I don’t think I’ve really heard it all that often before.

-Yay! Yamaguchi Kappei!

-This part getting serious with Sephiroth is appropriate, but kind of different with him starting to freak out.

-Oooh, Turks scene! It’s nice that they know they are fan favorites now and they put them in more scenes. I wish it would actually play their theme every time they show up like it used to. That’s what made them badass too.

-Aww, Aerith’s room.

-Interesting they are talking in Aerith’s room instead of getting captured and Aerith talking through the wall.

-Shinra science experiment...You’re probably not entirely wrong.

-Huh, wisdom from Red XIII. That’s different context.

-Wow, that’s different. Pointing out a different greater enemy so early. I guess it makes sense Aerith would know because of the whispers she hears, but also it kind of sucks the mystery of the progression of the original story.

-Dang, Sephiroth and Cloud confrontation-ish now? Not going to mysteriously take a body and stab the President?

-Oh joy another crazy rat maze.

-Hojo is definitely more gross than he used to be.

-Oh, nope. Just different order. There’s the trail of blood.

-Well, “blood”. Jenova blood is now apparently purple bubbling ooze.

-President Shinra is just hanging?! DISAPPOINTED. I liked it better when you just showed up and he had a giant sword in his back. Also wondering if you’d be blamed for it, but yeah, sword in the back!

-This is what you get for showing mercy. :/ Sword in back was better.

-Oh shut up already so Rufus can take over.

-Oh you get to watch the sword in the back.

-WTF. He’s not supposed to stab your party.

-Ghost things protecting fate is weird. But also I have some theories like the game is conscious that it’s a remake or something and for some reason they’re repeating history, but some things are different because people don’t do things in exactly the same way but certain things are fated to happen so they have to be preserved.

-Interesting that this game shows the cloaked figures going back and forth between Sephy. Kind of takes away the fun from years of debate on the subject about wtf is happening.

-And here’s Rufus. Still better than his Dad.

-I like that there’s more Turks footage than the original.

-Kind of nice that there’s more tender moments between Tifa and Cloud or rather we can experience them bonding more first hand.

-Did they make Wedge die in a different spot?

-Motorcycle bit is a bit different. Boss on motorcycle is kind of hard. Died once.

-I think it’s just cuz it’s a Remake that they added him here, but Sephiroth is at the end of the highway and I kind of think it sucks. :/ Cuz like it shouldn’t be like this.

-Why is Zack alive? Oh I think this is a flashback. Aww, this is supposed to be a hidden thing. ;o; Stop feeding them all the stuff. Let them find it.

-Whisper monsters...Okay this is just some kind of an AU. Like not really entirely a remake, but a different game in the same timeline cuz Sephy figured out somehow how to alter time and space. Aerith knows kind of what’s up because she became god essentially during AC. Would also explain why the game itself is giving away so many damn spoilers too.

-Holy shit, is Zack dead or not? D:

-Okay I looked up a thing and it said his death is ambiguous, but he’s never seen. Zack was an actual SOLDIER too so he could be a cloaked guy for all we know. But also at the end of AC it was both him and Aerith chilling together welcoming people to the lifestream so who the hell knows what she did.

-Biggs is alive?!

-So okay, if this is an AU things can change and I’m less gripey about the weird things that happened. Cuz it’s like just another pinpoint on the timeline that kind of has pseudo time travel and when you repeat things over again they’re not always exactly the same. I suppose for Square itself it’d be kind of boring to make an actual Remake because they don’t want to take away from the original and they want people to still buy that too cuz it was so good even though the graphics didn’t age so well. Instead they slapped Remake on a new title and trolled us all into thinking they actually did it when actually it’s like a timey wimey thing.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 186

I mean, the title says it all.    Here’s the short-short version.

One.

Two.

The DBZ Abridged version of this fight is brutally short, to the point where it opened with these two hits.   Episode 186 drags things out longer, obviously, so let’s take a look at what that’s like.   

First off, we see Trunks handing out senzu beans to the others.   Once again, I find it really gross when they just stuff a bean into their tiny-tiny mouths and it looks like the thing is so big they could choke on it.    

Starting off, it looks like things are playing out like Cell fight with Goku, where most of the battle is two evenly matched guys struggling to land a blow.    The difference is that Cell’s trying a lot harder this time, and Gohan’s not smiling.   

Then there’s a part where they just punch each others’ fists, which makes it seem like they’re evenly matched, but really, how much skill would it take to do this on purpose?   What’s really happening here is that Gohan is mirroring Cell’s offense, blocking him in such a way as to make it clear that Cell can’t hit him and he never will.  

At this, Piccolo realizes why Goku wanted to fight first, even though his plan was always for Gohan to actually save the day.    By fighting Cell first, Goku gave Gohan a chance to see Cell in action, so that he’d be familiar with Cell’s fighting style.   

But Goku doesn’t see it that way.    I mean, I’m pretty sure Piccolo is right and Goku went first to give Gohan an extra edge if he needed it, but Gohan’s so powerful now that it really doesn’t matter.  

Meanwhile, the rest of the world has no idea what’s happening right now, because ZTV lost their connection with Jimmy Firecracker and Larry.   Triangle Woman and the others begin to fear the worst.

Look at this GIANT-ASS TV.   I think it’s easy to overlook this detail, since all these shots of civilians fearfully watching the screen sort of run together.   But geez.    This TV is meat-normous.   

At one point during the fight, Satan’s group runs to avoid the combatants, but Piroshki freezes up and nearly gets caught in the crossfire.

Cell stikes...

But no sale.   Gohan saves himself and Piroshki at the same time.  

And now Cell is starting to get flustered.    Yeah, it looks like they’re fighting evenly, except Cell is the one losing his cool, basically admitting that he can’t land a blow.    Gohan, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to care, which implies that he could hit Cell whenever he wants, and he just hasn’t done it yet.   

So then Cell threatens to reveal his true power for the first time.    This shocks everyone, because Cell’s been eating their lunch ever since he became perfect, and he still hasn’t been trying until now?

This is why I don’t buy the idea that Goku could have found a way to win if he’d just eaten a senzu bean or tried a little harder.    Cell was hustling him from the start, and Goku knew the whole time.    He only fought Cell so Gohan could benefit from watching the battle, and to satisfy his own interests as a martial artist.   Not that Goku would have complained if he had won, but he knew he was outmatched the day he came out of the Time Chamber.  

So Cell starts powering up, and the whole planet starts shaking, and Mr. Satan keeps insisting it’s all a big trick.

Here’s the weird thing about the Japanese score of this episode.   They play the Spirit Bomb theme from Movie 7.    Start this video at about 4:53 and take a listen.

I mean, of all the things to play... Cell’s the villain, and they went with something uplifting.     Maybe they were trying to be ironic?  

So after all of that, Cell asks Gohan what he thinks.

And Gohan doesn’t care. 

So Cell demonstrates by hitting Gohan in the mush, and it’s super fast and brutal.    One of the most awesome punches in the series.... or it WOULD HAVE BEEN...

Only it doesn’t hurt Gohan at all, and he responds with a punch of his own.

One.   

Then there’s this really dumb part where Trunks is reacting to this, and Goku just sort of floats down in front of him without moving otherwise.   This is based on a panel from the manga, but I have no idea why they thought they needed Goku to move in this shot.    It’s just dumb.   

Cell finally recovers from the shock enought to get pissed, and he tries to hit Gohan again, only--

Two.  

Then Cell falls on his ass.     Gohan took his hardest blow and didn’t even flinch, and Cell got hit twice and he can’t even stand up.  

Also he coughs up some green stuff.   I thought he had purple blood, but who knows with this guy.    He might have two circulatory systems.   

There’s a line in the dub here where Cell goes “He only made two punches that connected!   So why am I so... damaged?”   It seemed sort of awkward to me, so I always wondered what the original line was, and it’s pretty much the same thing.    Cell even says the word “damage” in English.    No wonder Funimation went to the trouble to keep it.  

What I love about all of this is that even the good guys are shocked.   I wasn’t sure I wanted to call it, but now that I’ve rewatched these episodes, I’m convinced that this is my favorite DBZ fight.    Team Four Star did a countdown last year and they mentioned how Gohan vs. Cell didn’t make the cut because it was so unbalanced.    First Cell dominates Gohan, then Gohan dominates Cell.     It’s a fair critique, but I don’t know, I really dig that.  Besides, most of the battles in DBZ sort of work that way.   This one just benefits from having Cell dishing out and taking the punishment.   

I don’t have a problem with the way TFS trimmed down the “Gohan wins” part of the battle.    In a situation like this, you basically have a couple of options.    You can whittle down this battle to just the parts where Gohan hits Cell, and turn it into this brutal takedown.    That’s DBZA Episode 60 Part 2.  Cell doesn’t even get to touch Gohan in that fight.   It’s awesome.  

On the other end of the spectrum, you have Episodes 186-188, where most of the action is devoted to Cell trying (and failing) to intimidate Gohan.    He just keeps throwing himself up against this kid, and he’s like a brick wall.  It takes a lot longer to get to the same destination, but from Cell’s perspective, this was probably the longest half hour of his life.    Slowly, painfully, he comes to realize that he’s not up against a worthy challenger.    He’s not even facing an equal.   Hell, he’s not even able to fight for his life.   Gohan has already signed Cell’s death warrant, and he’s just waiting for Cell to figure that out.