#why did he cover his phone with a bad cutout of himself

[pansy-moon]

listen i know we need to stop babygirling 35 year old men but how can i not when he memes himself 😭😭

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

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You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[excujeemi]

D R U N K [ Ray X Reader ]

Age: around 18 Genre: Fluff Warnings: UHhh, adult jokes (??) and mentions of alcohol

Simple, you know, you were graduating high school and moving on to college of course there'd be parties. And there's only three words to describe this party you're in? Wild as fuck. Man, some were playing beer pong, some were making out, it was just so chaotic you don't even remember as to why you were here in the first place... Oh yeah, your parents forced you to get some human interaction every once in a while.

You thought this party would be very shit and unenjoyable but look at you now, everyone around you was cheering you on to chug , c h u g  , c  h  u  g . And chug you did.

You were already dizzy but you know this is that moment, that sweet moment of youth (??) perhaps and there's the adrenaline and the feeling that you're on top of the world, it's like you can just do anything you want for example, peeing in your annoying neighbor's backyard but let's not take that idea personally-

You were just about to open another bottle of alcohol but then someone stopped you, a hand gripped on your wrist which surprised you, you looked up to see whose hand it was and saw Ray frowning. That's typical, when is he not frowning anyway.

Well, Ray is one of your closest friends, your parents are also both close to each other so it just makes sense. And Ray being the most trusted person of your mother, she asked him if he could pick you up since it was getting kinda late. You know if they were just gonna end up worrying about you then why even force you to get some of that, "human interaction", they're just  exaggerating.

"Oh, hey Ray my beloved , what're you doing here?" You smugly asked as he helped you stand up but your feet kept on tripping and so you slipped, with your hand on Ray's shoulder causing him to fall on top of you while the people surrounding you both were teasing you, you felt Ray's hot breath hitting your neck while his large hands were supporting your back to protect you from directly falling. The close space between the both of you caused Ray's face to turn into a tomato, red flushed cheeks, wide eyes, he lowkey wished you both could stay like that for more time. "You idiot, get up already its almost 4am." He says as he quickly got up and tried to take your heavy ass up. "wAiT, mY bAg and mY phOne, And mY StufF are-" "Shh, shh. I got them all now shut it." He says as he shows you your bag from his other hand, he opened the door with his foot and kicked it close. "Hey Ray, aren't you getting to close, haah~?" You seductively whispered in his ear making him blush for the second time. He rolled his eyes, 'Patience, you must stay calm.' He thinks to himself. "Haah~?" Okay, he decided that was it. "Why don't you walk by yourself then, the parking lot is still quite far from where we are, walk by yourself good luck tripping over everything." He lets go of you while you had trouble tryna regain your posture. "I can walk, don't-d-don't you underestimate the power of this wild creature." You pointed to yourself while making a karate pose.

Ray was annoyed, his eye was twitching and he really did want to abandon you there. "Okay, I'll lead the way then." After a few seconds, everything was going well, he takes a few glances back at you to see how you're doing because apparently if you trip and die he'd be blamed  by your parents. Then he saw you weren't by his side, well obviously not because you kept on slowing down but you really were out of his sight and this worried him by a lot. 'If only Emma and Norman were here to back me up with this dumbass' But for real, he was worried, it had only been a few seconds--what if someone took you or something. He ran a few steps back and looked everywhere and there you fucking were, talking to a celebrity cardboard cutout. "Oh my fucking gosh, this dimwit. Y/n!" He sighs as he massaged his temples. He ran to you and pulled you by your arm. "Ugh, stOp, I'm still flirting with this hot man." You whined as you tried to wriggle your arm out of Ray's hand. He didn't know whether to leave you alone or laugh at you there. "You blockhead, that's...that's a Justin Bieber cardboard cut out for fuck's sake..." Ray was about to explode at this point, you were making him want to combust. "Please, dOn't take me way, I have no flirt with!" "I'll flirt with you all you want just--let's go already this is so embarrassing!" He said to improvise but your drunk self actually believed that he'd flirt with you. "Really?" You asked and he just nods while closing his eyes, annoyed. "YaaaY~, Ray my beloved will flirt with me, I'm the happiest person in the worlll ever." To be honest, Ray would love to hear those words while you're not drunk but he can't help but blush again remembering what Norman used to say, "Drunk people always say what they truly think." He shook his head and as soon as you arrived at the parking lot, he pushed you gently into the backseat. Thankfully, you spent that whole time without saying anything, you were literally just staring at the car's ceiling like a dead person which was creepy. He arrived at your house and it seemed that everyone was asleep so he had to use the spare keys he has. He then opened the door, carrying you bridal style and the hallways were quite narrow so he felt sorry whenever your head hit some walls or table. 💀 lmfao. He carefully placed you on your bed, while you were almost sound asleep. Boy, times like this remind him of deep in love he is with you. You know maybe he should just confess of something.

He smiled and tucked in some hair behind you ear. Very wholesome situation, well until you tugged his arm for him to come closer so he thought you had something to say, when he finally got close you wrapped your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly which shocked him by a lot. It was comfortable to be in your arms, if only he could stay there a bit more longer. :'). "H-Hey what are you trying to do? Let go of me, Y/n." He softly whispered, his hot breath hitting you once again but a bit more closer which caused you to hug him tighter. "Dream on." And since you really wouldn't let go of him, and he didn't have enough will to force himself out of your hold, he decided to just stay there. It was 4am and your warmth was more than enough to make him sleepy. Next morning: You woke up with someone in your arms, it was very comfortable. 'Oh it's just Ray..wait what--RAY??' "HOLY SHIT RAY! WAKE UP! WAKE-" His hand covered your mouth as his half-asleep eyes stared at you. "What are you so loud in the morning for?" Man, his morning voice could kill. Shaking your head quickly to shoo away the simp thoughts, you built up the courage to ask him this one cliche question. "Di-Did we perhaps, you know? Do the thing?" Of course Ray was not dumb but he can be an ass. Smirking, he asks with an innocent tone, "What do you mean by thing ?" "Oh my--you know what I mean! Stop acting dumb-" "Oh you mean sex?" He stared at you for a while, keeping that smirk of his on his face while seeing you so flustered and red. "Why do you have to be so blunt, this is why I hate you.." You said as you buried your face into one of your pillows. "Chill, woman. We didn't do that. You did do something dumb last night though." He chuckles as he removes the pillow away from your red face. "Please kill me--what is it?" "Well you just flirted with a Justin Bieber Cutout, nothing new." "I really did that?" You cried as you started mentally smashing your head on a rock. "Yes, yes you did." As soon was those words of confirmation came out of his mouth, you started getting flashbacks again, "Dude, I'll never be drunk again." "That's a good idea. But if you never get drunk again you might never hug me again the way you did last night." 'The way I did last night?...' What did he even mean by that... "What do you mean?" "Want a demonstration?" ..... THE END lol bye this was so bad ahvdusvud - Follow me on wattpad - @excujeemi Join my discord server !! https://discord.gg/wXSuKBXMXt

[smallrainclouds]

It's not easy having yourself a good time

we're on a double-date with other people... why are we kissing? you're not my date

Credit for prompt to

Hypnos x reader (modern!College!au)

Word count: 2.7

Warning: some dating violence on OC's side. Wrist grabbing, slurs and controlling behavior.

Summary: this was the worst date of your life. Thankfully it's also Hypnos' worst date ever.

A/N: here have this fic. I had yandere! Hypnos I was working on but it's giving me issues (it was supposed be under 1k but it keeps growing).

Also, I am open to requests but will rejected any I don't feel comfortable doing.

No beta.

Thank and I hope you enjoy.

💤☁️💤

You regret everything.

You stared at the plate of food you didn't order, some sad little salad that somehow smelled greasy.

Why did you let yourself get talked into a group date? You know why, you thought your friend was going to try to set up with your lab partner, Hypnos.

You looked at the bubbles in your sparkling water, another thing you didn't order and wondered if the person you were with would ever stop talking.

You glanced up at the group at the table. Across from you with his own date next to him, was Hypnos who was frowning at your date.

At least you had one sane classmate with you. Hypnos had been your lab partner since the first day in senior year and honestly you had thought at first your friend was setting you up with Hypnos. If you had known it was with someone else, you would have bail.

Charlie was a nice person you told yourself and your friends thought they would be great for you. Charlie was just… maybe they didn't know you don't order people's food for them.

"Look what I'm saying, Hypnos, is that maybe that YouTuber guy shouldn't be called out as much. Not his fault people can't take jokes anymore." Your date, Charlie, said loudly across the table to Hypnos who just raised a brow.

You rolled your eyes, You weren't going to let your friends pick a date for you ever again.

"Alright buddy. Whatever you say." Hypnos shrugged.

Hypnos' date and fellow classmate leaned across Hypnos, her breasts pressed against his arm. You looked away, poking at your food. You certainly were not jealous, you told yourself.

"Come on, guys. Let's talk about something else." she whined. The other two couples that came along echoed their agreement.

Hypnos grimaced and sat up taller, making the girl sit up as well. You felt kinda bad for both you and Hypnos. Clearly neither one of you guys were getting on with your dates.

You looked toward your friend, hoping she would notice how poorly everything was going. You rolled your eyes when she was clearly lost in her own world, feeding her partner french fries.

Too bad your date wasn't with Hypnos. You thought he was actually cute back when You first saw him, if not a little odd looking with white curls and heavy lidded eyes. Now, you couldn't imagine a more handsome person.

You found your eyes kept going back to him throughout dinner. Especially when he pushed his hoodie sleeves up, showing off his forearms.

The table moved on to some marvel movie or something but you were drifting in and out. You kept checking your watch in hopes that you could end the night soon without being rude.

You could feel someone was watching you and you looked up to Hypnos' golden eyes looking at you. He glanced at the group, back at you and rolled his eyes. You smiled in agreement but quickly covered it up with your hand.

Hypnos pointed toward your plate with the uneaten food, eyebrows rised in a questioning way.

You tilted your head toward your date who was loudly having another argument over some tv show with one of the guys there.

Hypnos looked at your date for a second before he sneaked you his untouched plate of pancakes.

You mouthed, 'Are you sure?' and he nodded, pointing at a plate of mostly eaten omelet.

You mouthed a quick thank you and dug in. You were half though the plate of pancakes when your date noticed.

"Wait, where did you get the pancakes?" Charlie asked, "You know how fattening all that carbs and sugar are? I like my dates to be healthy."

"What?" You asked flatly. Did you really hear what you just did? Hypnos and his date were both staring at Charlie. Hypnos looked furious and You saw the girl send you a pitying look.

"Oh. come on, you know I don't mean it like that."

You suddenly lost any appetite you had and pushed the plate of food away. You looked toward your friend who remained blissfully unaware of your pain.

Your date swung an arm on your shoulders, you sighed annoyed at the causal possiveness. You only knew them for like two hours but they were already acting like you were going steady.

"Ready to hit the club, Y/N?" Your date asked.

You almost groaned, you had forgotten about the stupid club.

"Uh, sure. Yeah." You tried to wiggle your date's arm off but no dice. You thought you saw Hypnos send a disapproving look at your date but you weren't sure. No point getting your hopes up.

As you exited the diner, Hypnos tripped; knocking into your date and their arms off your shoulders.

Grateful for the excuse, you took a few steps out of their reach.

"Oops, my bad." Hypnos smiled widely, and gave a shoulder pat to your date who glared at him. "Just watch it alright?" Your date snapped as they made it to the carpool.

In the car, you peeked at Hypnos who just winked at you. You didn't hide your smile this time.

The club did nothing to improve your date or your mood. The loud bassy music was almost too loud to hear anyone and your date kept trying to get you to stay on the dance floor.

You were able to duck out of their hold and pointed to the table. They tried to tell you something but You didn't stick around.

You almost fell into the booth, your feet were throbbing and you just wanted to go home. You could just see your homework growing by the hour.

"Need water?" Hypnos asked. You looked up, "Oh I didn't know you were at the table. Yes please."

He handed you an icy cold bottle and you moaned at how good it tasted. He laughed and you blushed, feeling foolish.

"Sorry, thank you." You took a slip, without moaning this time thankfully.

Hypnos went back to his phone, fingers moving quickly. "No problem."

"Where is… um what was her name?" You asked, trying not to look at Hypnos too much. How dare he look this good in the club' dim lighting.

"Oh I forgot her name. But she is doing fine. Told me she was going home with her ex." He pointed to the dance floor where the girl was dancing against another guy, their mouths glued together.

You looked back at him, but he already was back to texting on his phone. He didn't seem upset at all.

"I'm sorry, Hypnos." You said awkwardly, not sure of what to make of this whole night.

"Don't be. I'm not." He shrugged. You couldn't help but notice how nicely the red hoodie fit him.

"I will admit though I don't think I will be trusting our friend's matchmaking skills after tonight." Hypnos looked at you, his amused smile made you smile in return.

"You and I both." You murmured your agreement.

You finished off your drink, eyeing him.

After a few more minutes, your willpower broke.

"Okay I gotta know. It has been months since I met you and it is bugging the crap out of me." You leaned forward to him.

He looked up from his phone, a white eyebrow raised.

"Is Hypnos your real name?" You asked him, not quite able to look away from him. You were being a silly school girl and you knew it.

He laughed, "Yeah, it is." He moved closer, his eyes bright. "Wanna know why?"

At your nod, he spoke. "When my mom was pregnant with me and my brother. She got kinda crunchy, got into healing crystals and tarot cards, stuff like that."

Hypnos waved a hand. "So when she couldn't pick names for us, she went to a psychic, who told her that she was a reincarnation of the goddess Nyx. And apparently she was pregnant again with the reincarnated gods of sleep and death."

You couldn't help the small laugh and Hypnos chuckled as he took a sip of his beer.

"Mom believed the guy." He pointed to himself, " So ta-da I got named Hypnos. And my brother is Thanatos."

"Your mom sounds like a fun lady." You played with your hair, enjoying the warmth in your stomach. You couldn't remember the last time someone made you feel such things.

"Oh definitely. I never know what I'm going to get when I see her." Hypnos said fondly.

When You shifted your seat, your leg brushed against his. You almost pulled away but Hypnos pressed his leg against yours. You could feel the heat of his body and it just made you want more.

His golden eyes searched yours, silently asking if he could do this. You returned the gentle pressure and flushed at his soft smile.

"How does your brother handle the whole Thanos name thing?" You asked, desperately trying to calm your racing heart.

A devious glint lit Hypnos' eyes, "Oh he hates it so much. He already hated the whole super hero thing. Last year for his birthday, I got him a cardboard cutout of the big guy. I thought he was going to shove it down my throat. I got his boyfriend Zagreus and their girlfriend Meg in on it this year, we going to -"

"Hey Y/N. Are you coming back to the floor?" Charlie's eyes narrowed, "Hypnos, I think your actual date is looking for you."

You pulled away, you had forgotten about Charlie and you couldn't help but feel some guilt, even if you didn't like them that much or at all.

Hypnos stayed in place, amusement on his face. You saw Charlie's fists clenched and knew they were about to start a fight and stood up.

You were definitely going to block Charlie's number after tonight was over.

"Come on, let's get some drinks for everyone. They should be coming back soon." You motioned for Charlie to follow you. They glared at Hypnos before following you.

You couldn't resist a quick glance back to Hypnos, who raised his beer at you in a 'cheers' motion.

💤☁��💤

Charlie was sullen and quiet as you ordered more drinks for the group. You couldn't blame them really, anyone would be put out when their dates are clearly having a better time with someone else.

Well, not Hypnos but Hypnos wasn't exactly normal, you thought fondly.

You tapped the bar, guilt gnawed at your guts as your thoughts went back to Hypnos.

"So what were you guys talking about?" Charlie slurred, his tone icy.

You took a breath, just a few more hours you reminded yourself. "Nothing much. Just about his brothers and stuff."

Charlie crowded into your space. You can smell the booze and sweat on them.

"You guys seemed like you were sitting pretty close considering you were talking about 'brothers'." They did a finger quote.

You rolled your eyes, unable to stand being near them any longer. You stepped away to head back to let your friends you were bailing for the night.

"Tell me what he said to you." Charlie demanded as they grabbed your wrist harshly.

"Ow, let go of me! You are hurting me, Charlie." You hissed, trying not to draw any attention.

"Tell me." They hisses back.

"I did. Buy your own drink, I'm going home." You tried to yank your hand away but they didn't let go.

"Look I've been nothing but nice to you and you're cuddling up to another guy on our date like some slut." They changed their tone, trying to sound more upset than controlling but it just made your stomach twisted in disgust.

You opened your mouth to defend yourself but after a moment you shut it, "You're right. Clearly this isn't going to work out so let me go."

"No, you own me something, Y/N." Charlie leaned toward you. "And I'm not leaving empty handed."

"Fuck off." You snapped, fear rising in your chest.

"Hey, man." Hypnos grabbed Charlie's wrist and squeezed tightly enough that they were forced to let go of your wrist. His normal light-hearted tone was hard. "I think Y/N had enough of your company tonight."

You took some steps back, shaking a little. Without looking at you, Hypnos asked. "Y/N, do you need to go get anything?"

"N-no. I have everything. I want to leave." You hated how weak you sounded and you wished that you never came out at all.

Hypnos held on to Charlie's wrist and yanked them toward him. You heard Hypnos murmur something to them.

Fear flashed over Charlie's face and they stumbled backward. "Fine. Whatever asshole."

Hypnos turned to you, his eyes darkened by his anger. "Come on, I can get you a ride home."

You just nodded, feeling very exhausted and close to tears.

💤☁️💤

The cold wind felt like heaven after the heat of the overflowing club. At least for the first two minutes.

You just walked, not quite sure where to go. Hypnos walked next to you, easily keeping up with your pace.

Neither one of you said anything as you tried to process the horrible night.

After walking for ten more minutes, Hypnos spoke up. "There is a park nearby, we should be able to find a park bench."

You just nodded, Hypnos offered an arm and after a moment you took it. You pressed your cheek against his shoulder, soaking in his body heat.

The park was empty, lit by warm path lights.

"Thank you." You said. "You didn't have to do anything for me."

"It's all good. How about the wrist?" Hypnos asked softly.

"It doesn't hurt. Thank you since you stepped in." You patted his forearm.

Hypnos sighed, "No. Not thanks to me actually. Its kinda my fault, I've been pushing their buttons for most of the night."

You looked up at Hypnos, your brow furrowed. "What? No, they have been pretty rude since the start of the date. I mean, you heard the salad thing. They ordered it for me!"

Hypnos shook his head. His breath coming out in white puffs. "Yeah and because I was jealous, I made a bad date into a nightmare. I knew I was making them feel all threatened, it wasn't hard honestly. I didn't think they would grab you like that. I just thought they would be a bad date you could laugh about later."

It took you a moment to process his words. You stopped on the park path, staring off at the lake.

"You were jealous?" You asked, not quite believing what you were hearing.

"Very." Hypnos chuckled bitterly.

"Hypnos, you are an idiot." You said blankly.

He opened his mouth to say something but you pulled him down by his collar to kiss him.

At first, Hypnos doesn't return your kiss and you pull away, an apology already on your lips.

But he cupped your face and met you again in a sweet, slow kiss. He kept pulling away to press chaste kisses against your lips and cheeks.

"Damnit, I was planning on asking out you after our last class assignment. I had a plan for everything. I was going to take you to your favorite coffee shop and buy you that dumb drink you like. Take you the park by our dorms and ask you by the duck pond." Hypnos said between kisses and pressing one last long kiss against your lips.

You hummed, unable to think straight. "Our friend ruined that, huh." You laughed when you could feel him growled against your lips. "You have no idea, I had a speech and everything."

After another long and soft kiss, both of you pulled away only to met again in a forehead press. Your white puffs of breath mingled together and your heart felt so full.

"You could still do the coffee and the speech. And the ducks." You whispered.

"Yeah?" Hypnos asked softly, his thumb caressed your cheek.

"I have to do a lab with a very cute classmate tomorrow but I'm free after that." You flushed, pleased at the fond smile Hypnos had.

"That's funny, so am I." Hypnos replied.

Unable to hold off any longer, you pulled him into another kiss, one of the many yet to come.

[lavenderbexlatte]

a handful (or two)

stray kids 3.9k words female reader insert Thick/Chubby!Reader x Lee Felix  EXPLICIT/NSFW

🖤 warnings: DISCUSSIONS OF WEIGHT/BODY IMAGE/INSECURITY, unprotected sex 🖤

connect with me! / masterlist

Sitting at your kitchen table in the early evening, you feel more like a soldier walking into battle than anything else.

You’ve got a list of your body measurements scrawled on a piece of paper beside you, as you scroll through an online shop on your phone. Ruffled blouses, wrap dresses, raw-hemmed jeans, tiered skirts, fitted cardigans. The clothes are cute, and your Likes list has no shortage of garments, but you’ve reached the worst part of clothes shopping:

Finding things that are actually in your size.

Korean online malls are not known for their variety of sizes, even though obviously, the people in any country who need to buy clothes have all different kinds of bodies. The cute clothes, the mainstream ones, the clothes that YouTubers and Instagram models promote, are mostly one-size. And that one size…is small.

Too small for you.

It’s a regular debate that you have with yourself. You shouldn’t even give your patronage to shops like these ones, where you have to filter through every single item and look at the detailed measurements to find the rare pair of pants that you could squeeze into. You shouldn’t play into a system that makes you hate yourself.

But you need new jeans. And in your heart, you want cute jeans from the online mall, like everyone else.

You pull up a pair of jeans in exactly the style that you want and scroll down to the measurements. You have to steel yourself as you look at the numbers.

Waist…hips…thigh…rise…length…

They’re too small.

You pull up another pair, and another, and another. They’re all too small.

“No,” says a small, dark voice in the back of your mind, “You’re just too big.”

You’re so caught up in this game of finding cute things to wear and discovering exactly how much the seller doesn’t want them to fit on people like you, that you don’t even hear your boyfriend until he’s right next to you.

“What are you doing?” comes a deep voice, right in your ear.

You jump in your seat, fumbling your phone for a second and catching it before it falls. Catching your breath, you look up at Felix, stood beside your chair gazing down at you.

“Jesus, when did you get here?” you ask, putting your phone down before anything else happens.

“Just got in,” he answers, nodding toward the door. “I called hello. You didn’t answer.”

Felix has a key to your place, free to come and go as he pleases, so it’s not exactly unusual for him to turn up like this. He’s dressed in a big t-shirt and joggers, practice clothes, obviously fresh from the studio with the rest of the guys.

“I was distracted,” you murmur.

“I guess so,” he grins at you.

You offer a halfhearted smile in return, feeling stupid for your bad mood, caused by something so out of your control. Shopping shouldn’t ruin your day. Felix pulls out your other dining chair to sit across from you at the small dining table, and you can’t help but stare at his body as he settles down. 

He’s so…skinny.

You’re envious. You shouldn’t be, because your body is plenty good enough as it is. But you are. With a body like that, you could wear anything.

“What are you doing?” he asks you.

You hesitate, but Felix pays no mind to your internal struggle, reaching across the table to pick up the scrap of paper covered in your measurements. You want to snatch the paper out of his hands, which is ridiculous. He knows what your body looks like. Seeing the numbers that describe it isn’t going to scare him off.

But still, you feel that sick self-consciousness rising up as he glances over the paper, and sets it back down.

“I’m trying to buy jeans,” you say weakly.

“Trying?” Felix prods.

“Trying and failing.”

You pick up your phone, unlock it, and shove it at him, the screen still open to the last pair of too-small jeans. He peers at the listing, at the chart full of centimeters, and then down at your measurements scrawled out in your handwriting.

“They call that a large?” Felix says, amazed, and you cringe. “It’s like a half-centimeter difference.”

You know he’s just surprised since shopping for women’s clothes isn’t something he does often, and you’re sure he doesn’t know how common this problem is for you. But his words still sting a little.

“Yeah,” you say, “I think I’m done for tonight.”

You try not to let your deep-seated disappointment in the situation, and in yourself, show too much. Felix watches as you stand up and stretch. You can tell he’s thinking hard, can see that he wants to say something. But you really don’t need his commentary on this. You spend enough time thinking about your body, wanting to change your body, hating that you want to change your body…

“Do you want dinner? I went to the store earlier,” you say, determined to change the subject.

“Sure,” Felix agrees easily.

You cross your little kitchen and fling open the cupboard to dig out groceries for your meal. At least this is a task to take your mind off everything.

You don’t even notice as Felix takes the slip of paper from the table and folds it into his pocket.

--------------- Some days later, you all but trip into your bedroom after work, exhausted but hopeful.

Felix’s shoes and jacket were both waiting by the front door when you came in, which means he’s here waiting for you. He was nowhere to be seen in the rest of your small apartment, so that leaves this.

Of course, you’re not disappointed; Felix is lounging on your bed, playing on his phone and looking like the epitome of comfort in lounge pants and messy blonde hair. He smiles like the sunrise when he sees you.

“Hi, angel,” he says, as you drop your bag on the floor.

Instead of replying, you let yourself fall onto the bed beside him, flat on your back, and stretch out your poor sore limbs like a starfish.

“Long day?” he asks.

“The longest,” you agree.

“You’re in luck, though,” he says, “I have a surprise for you.”

You turn your head to look at him. “Really?”

He nods.

“Then gimme!” you quip.

Felix laughs brightly, and unfolds himself to retrieve a small gift bag from the side of the bed, tucked out of view. He hands it to you, and it’s surprisingly heavy and dense for its size. Today isn’t a special day by any means. Just a weekday, a work day, and you wrack your brain to figure out exactly why your boyfriend decided tonight was the night for presents.

“Can I open it?” you ask.

“You’d better,” says Felix, settling back down to watch you.

So you unceremoniously rip out the tissue paper packing, and when you’re met with a small pile of folded fabric, you upend the whole bag onto your bed.

There are four things inside.

A soft, oversized t-shirt, loose and comfortable and your favorite color, to boot.

A pair of thigh-high stockings.

A single thigh garter, in bright white.

And a pair of panties, also white. You unfold the underwear, to reveal a heart-shaped cutout on the back, and at the bottom…

“Crotchless?!” you ask, flustered.

Felix shrugs, his expression mischievous, “I thought they suited you.”

“What’s all this about?” you ask.

“I wanted to prove a point,” he says.

“What point can you prove with lingerie?”

“I’m proving pretty clearly that plenty of stores sell things to your measurements,” he says cheekily, “Just not that one store you were on the other day.”

Oh, my God.

You’re equal parts mortified and absolutely melting with the sweetness at the heart of this gesture. You didn’t realize that he was paying this much attention to you that day. You didn’t realize he knew how frustrated you were, how discouraged.

“They’re pretty,” you admit, turning the panties over in your hands.

“Then try them on for me.”

Felix’s tone is suggestive and low, lower than usual, and you know for certain that he didn’t just buy these things to cheer you up. He’s got an ulterior motive here.

“What’s in it for me?” you tease.

“Dress up for me and find out,” Felix replies.

Never one to turn down the prospect of some fun, you gather up the clothes and dart across the hall into your tiny bathroom. If Felix wants you to dress up for him, you need to do that alone and make a spectacle of it.

You dump the armful of clothing onto the counter. There’s no bra or anything, so you assume that Felix means for you to wear only the t-shirt. And that’s exactly what you do, stripping out of your work clothes and pulling the shirt over your head. You put on the panties, noting exactly how well they fit. The elastic doesn’t dig, and they don’t ride up, just smooth fabric and lace against your skin, hugging the curve of your ass. You try to forget about the opening at the bottom, baring you to the world; you already know Felix fully intends to use it, but you can’t believe he’s done this. It’s bold, even for him.

The thigh-highs come next, and while these also fit more nicely than any pair of tights you’ve ever owned, you have thick thighs, and the soft skin dimples around the top elastic band. You slide the thigh garter onto one leg, settling it at the top of the stocking. It only makes that indent more pronounced, soft flesh giving way under the thick white band. But you try your hardest not to feel self-conscious about it.

Felix picked these things for you. That means he wants to see you like this.

You pluck up all your courage, and walk back into your bedroom. Felix is waiting eagerly, and when you come into view, lingering shyly at the doorway, he smirks. 

Honest-to-God smirks.

“Oh, angel,” he says, his deep voice nearly breaking over the syllables, “Oh, yes.”

You can see plainly on his face how much this little outfit is affecting him, and it sends a little thrill down your spine. Because truly, these clothes aren’t too out of the ordinary. The thigh-highs are new, and the panties aren’t something you would have picked for yourself, but it’s hard not to feel like you’re just wearing…a t-shirt and underwear.

It’s the intimacy, you decide. The fact that Felix carefully chose items in your most precise, comfortable sizes, and built you a sexy little dress-up kit that makes you feel as good as you look…God. Overwhelmingly intimate, you realize, and hot as hell.

“Let me see you, come here and give me a little spin,” Felix teases, twirling his finger in the air to mimic the model turn he’s demanding.

Smiling, squashing down a touch of embarrassment, you comply, coming to stand before Felix and turning around slowly on the spot. You can feel his eyes on you, and as you turn your back on him completely, you hear your bed creak.

Hands land on your waist as Felix pulls you flush against his front, and you can feel how hard he is already, filling out the front of his sweatpants. He’s always eager, always relishes the time you get to spend lost in each other, but he seems especially brazen tonight, as he grinds his clothed cock against your ass and slides his hands under the t-shirt to cup your bare breasts.

“You don’t even know what you do to me,” he murmurs.

You turn around in his arms, letting his hands drop back to your waist. He’s grinning at you with no small amount of lust in his eyes. You’re sure that you look similarly affected; you can already feel wetness gathering between your legs. His undivided attention, especially when you’re dressed up like this just for him, has you going out of your mind with want.

“Then show me,” you say.

He huffs out a laugh before diving in to kiss you, his pouty bow-shaped lips moving against yours roughly. Felix kisses like he’s starving and you’re one of the desserts that he loves to bake, like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he stops ravishing you. His hands wander down to your ass, pinching hard enough that you squeak.

“Easy on the goods!” you chastise, as the spot aches deliciously.

Felix just pinches you again, harder, and guides you back toward your bed. You lay back on the mattress with Felix right behind you, settling between your spread legs. He sits back on his heels, just looking down at you beneath him in your skimpy panties and stockings. He runs his hands down your thighs indulgently, sliding a finger under the garter on one side and pulling it back so that it snaps against your skin.

“Angel, I should’ve thought of this a long time ago,” he says.

There’s no time for you to tease him, because Felix pulls his shirt over his head and discards it over the side of the bed, and you’re taken in by his gorgeous lithe body, his tiny waist and the rippling lines of his abs. No matter how many times you see him like this, it’s still exciting, that you can have someone so beautiful. He takes hold of the hem of your t-shirt next, and coaxes you upright so that he can take that off, too.

Your body is the exact opposite of his, soft where his is hard, sloping curves instead of the sharp cut of his ribs and hips and shoulders. But he leans right down over you and begins to kiss and nibble his way down your body, starting at the juncture of your collarbone. He trails his mouth over your chest, down to suck one of your nipples into his mouth. You gasp as he grazes his teeth over the bud, and he laughs gently.

Felix continues his slow ascent as you grasp at the sheets, mouthing over your stomach, soft like the rest of you. His hands hold your legs open wide for him as he moves down your body. He skips over your core entirely, choosing instead to bite sharply into the exposed skin of your upper thigh, above the band of the stockings.

“Lix!” you gasp, unable to help how your hips twitch forward at the sensation of his teeth.

He hums in response, leisurely delving forward to press a single lingering kiss to your folds, on full display in these deceptively pure white panties that hide absolutely nothing.

“Fucking love your legs,” Felix all but growls against the soft skin of your inner thigh, “Fucking love-”

Your hand flies down to grip at Felix’s hair as he bites a second bruise, this one on the tender inside of your leg. He’s never been this singularly-focused before, and you marvel at the way he’s worshipping your thighs, your waist, his hands roaming your ass and tweaking the fabric of the thigh-highs. You’ve always known that Felix liked your body – he’s your fucking boyfriend, after all. But this…

“Felix, I can’t,” you whine, “I need you, I need…”

“Oh, believe me,” Felix says, “I need it more.”

He draws away from you to push and kick his sweats and underwear off, and you watch hungrily as his cock bobs free, painfully hard and already leaking precome.

“You want – like this?” you ask, as Felix drops back on top of you, the head of his cock already nudging up against your pussy.

Felix likes it from behind, likes being able to grab your ass and watch your back arch as he drives into you. He likes you on top, so he can watch you bring yourself to orgasm using him. This is uncommon for you, missionary, you sprawled underneath Felix as he bends your knees up for better access and strokes his fingers down the length of your legs.

He nods, breathless. “Wanna see your face.”

His soft, honest admission makes your heart flutter even as you swear you can feel the arousal thrumming in your veins. You need him, need him so badly you could cry –

With a shift of his hips, Felix lines himself up and pushes into you. He’s agonizingly slow with it, just letting the head split your walls before he drags back out. He’s teasing you, absolutely doing this on purpose, and you can’t handle it. You untangle one hand from the sheets to cling to him, as he just dips the head of his cock in and out of you.

You whimper your frustration, and Felix leans in to kiss your cheeks, your nose, before pushing back in deeper, and deeper again, and finally he’s buried in you to the hilt.

“So gorgeous,” he groans, his deep voice reverbing in his chest, “You’re so good, angel, so good.”

He has one hand gripping your thigh tightly, holding your leg up beside your torso in a position that tests your flexibility more than a little bit. The other hand is digging into the curve of your hip, hard enough that you think there will be bruises.

Felix has those dancers’ hips, and core strength that lets him drive into you like he’s doing now, smooth long strokes that you arch up to meet as well as you can in his grip. He’s holding you at an angle that lets his pelvis grind against your clit every time he bottoms out. It’s not enough stimulation to let you finish, but it’s more than enough to drive you out of your mind.

“Lix, Lix, please,” you beg, not even sure what you’re asking for.

He says something, quiet enough that you can’t really pick it up, and when you move your hand from his dip of his spine to the back of his head, Felix fixes his gaze right on you. He’s still speaking, rambling in his deep voice.  

“-Let a fucking app make you think you’re not perfect cuz their fucking jeans don’t fit you,” he’s saying, “So soft, so pretty, like fuckin’ heaven, look at you.”

You can’t look at yourself all that well, but you can look at Felix, glance down to see the way he’s burying his cock in you again and again, holding himself up to look you in the eye as he fucks you into the mattress.

“Perfect,” he swears, “Taking me like a dream, angel…”

He’s never this vocal, either, and the talk has your head spinning almost as much as the brutal pace he’s maintaining. You can hear the obscene sound of your wetness around him. The desperate, weak first stirrings of an orgasm are starting to creep up on you, but you know yourself. You’re going to need more than this to finish.

Even so, you clench around Felix as he works himself into you again, and again, and he laughs breathlessly at the feeling of it.

“Are you gonna cum for me?” Felix asks, low and sweet.

You shake your head desperately, “Not enough – Lix, please, I need-”

“Not enough?” he echoes, amused, as his hips snap against yours in perfect time, “What, is this not good enough for you, angel?”

“So good, so good, just, please,” you whine.

Felix doesn’t answer you, but he does let go of your leg to bring his fingers up to your face. You’re so far gone, so hazy with lust and the orgasm that’s building but just isn’t close enough, that you barely notice him until his fingers are pressing at your lips.

He has small, beautiful hands, and you open your mouth to let him slip two dainty fingers into your mouth. You suck on the digits, knowing how much Felix likes having your mouth on him, or his on you. He’s not picky, as long as someone is licking, biting, sucking…

“So dirty,” he sighs.

Only for him, you think to yourself. You can’t summon the words to say to him out loud, but you certainly think them. Only for him.

“Don’t hold back on me now, angel,” Felix says.

He retrieves his fingers from your mouth, and snakes his hand down between your bodies to press them feather-light to your clit. You can’t help the gasp that escapes from you as he touches you, gentle and precise. The slide would have been wet and easy enough even without the extra help, but the combination of your saliva and your wetness as it seeps out around Felix’s thick cock makes his fingers glide over your clit with friction so good it’s almost painful.

Under your breath, almost like a prayer, you’re murmuring, chanting, “Please, please, please, please, oh-”

“You first,” he says, “Come on, are you gonna give me one?”

You want to, God, do you want to. You writhe in his hold, torn between rocking away from the steady delicious pressure on your clit and into the press of his cock splitting you open. Felix throws his head back as you tremble around him - your peak is so close you can fucking taste it - and groans.

“Love you,” Felix gasps, “Shit, love you, love your body-”

That’s what does it.

That view, Felix above you, so fucked out, working so hard to make you feel good. Physically and mentally, that’s what he’s trying to do. He saw you being upset for like fifteen minutes the other day and he’s putting in all this effort to build you up. He just wants you to feel good –

“Felix!”

His name passes your lips, just once, before you’re cumming hard with a strangled moan. Felix fucks into you hard once, twice, and then thrusts into you fully with a cry of his own as he cums against your walls. He’s quick to drop down and meet your lips in a messy kiss, pressing your bodies together, skin on skin.

The two of you shudder and murmur your way through your orgasms, as you marvel at how quickly he was able to bring you crashing right over the peak with him.

Once your voice comes back to you, all your can manage is another squeaking, “Felix.”

“Yeah,” he answers, decisive, like you’ve just revealed the secrets of the universe to him. “Yeah.”

He pulls out and gingerly moves off of you, but not without stroking his hands from your waist all the way down your thighs as he goes. You laugh quietly as Felix collapses onto his back beside you, wiping his brow dramatically like he’s just gotten off a hard day at work. His cum begins to drip back out of you as you sit up, which is gross, but you just want to be close to him. You curl against his side, head on his chest, and Felix accommodates you easily, cuddling into you just as eagerly.

As you readjust on the bed, settle into a more comfortable position, you notice the bruises. Tender new bruises on your hip, and along the side of your thigh where Felix had held you so tightly. It’s the perfect shape of his fingertips, fanning out along your skin.

“Jeez,” you murmur, touching the spots and secretly relishing the way they hurt.

“Sorry,” Felix grins, though he doesn’t look very sorry at all. “Just…your thighs. Your body. Love it.”

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Shape of Her

My first ever one shot for all my lovely Cavillry babes! (I’ve recently edited it to make the actual title the title of the post. It’s the same fic formerly under “New One Shot for the Cavillry.”)

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC that is totally not me, the author (except that it is, and I just took out my name so nobody felt weird about it!)

Word count: 2053

Warnings: Rimming and oral (f receiving), slightly rough sex, but not like, violent, language, almost orgasm denial but like, not really, very thirsty OFC and a very hungry Henry, mentions of unemployment, panties are heavily featured…I clearly have no idea what might trigger some people, but if you have concerns, ask me. It’s really just smutty smut for the sake of smut.

A/N: This was unsolicited, but I felt that curvy girls were lacking some representation in the fic community in general, so here is Henry worshipping a thicc queen. (Also, the undies in the fic are from Torrid and amazingly comfy, and the fact that I felt super sexy in them also helped inspire this one shot. I hope y’all enjoy.) Also, it’s not Beta’d. I just did my own triple check for glaring errors. Here’s hoping it’s not untenable gibberish. Lol!

Tags (no one requested tags, but I’m tagging the Cavillry babes I can think of, and if you want me to tag you in future work, just let me know. I don’t want to spam anyone): @littlefreya because she convinced me this was necessary, lol! Also @fishcustardandclintbarton @geralt-of-baevia @princess-of-riviaa @geekycanuck @lareinedususpense @radaofrivia @nothingdear @lunedelorient @sunflowersstan @captainbigdy @laketaj24 

She liked to air dry on the bed in just her panties. Scroll her phone, see what was new. When she had time, of course. And lately, she’s had no shortage of time. Henry felt for her. Being between jobs could be scary. But he knew great things were out there for his woman. But the air drying. She did this after every leisurely shower. She made a little nest of pillows and draped herself gracefully over it.

With one hand, she diffused her hair, still damp from the shower. He didn’t know what she was looking at on her phone, nor did he care. His eyes had fallen heavy and hard on her backside. He thought this part of her such a wonder. It was strong, round, and large, and it tapered down to her thick thighs. This morning, she had chosen to wear a fairly unassuming pair of briefs. Unassuming, he thought, only if one had never touched them, or seen them up close. Like he had. He’d even helped her pick them out in the shop. He knew that the silky fabric would look stunning on her.

He was right. The slate grey sheen of the fabric covering her ass caught the pure morning light filtering in through the window. With his eyes he followed the narrow lace bands around her thighs right under her ass. He started then at the wider lace band around her waist --yes, waist, not hips-- and was stopped in his tracks in the center of her back. He’d missed entirely, or perhaps he’d forgotten, that little v-shaped corset cutout just below the waist band.

This could no longer be a mission of observation it must become a more exploratory, manual endeavor. He tiptoed toward her, not wanting to startle her before it was time, or for her to turn over before he’d had his fun.

“Mornin’ Hank.” She said sweetly over her shoulder with a smile. She didn’t flip to her front. Good.

“Good morning, love! Sleep well? Nice shower?” He queried as he maneuvered himself between her legs. Just sitting, but with one leg thrown over the back of one of her thighs. He started working her calves which were always tight. He loved her shapely legs, though. He loved every curve of her.

“What are you doing?” She demanded with a slight start.

“I have to get the tension out while the muscle is still warm. You should know that, teach!” He loved teasing her like this for being clever. He loved calling her the teacher in the bedroom, even if he was the more experienced lover.

He increased the pressure as he went, but wanted to go further.

“Have any lotion handy?” He asked. She did, and she handed it right to him. He put a bit of the amber and vanilla-scented cream on his hands, worked it up until it was warm, and then started again. She was moaning now. That was always his goal. Then he switched legs, applying more warmed lotion and going as deep as he dared.

“Henry, I’m not gonna be able to walk when you’re done.”

“Well, I was gonna make that threat, but you’ve saved me the trouble.” He said as he turned around and playfully snapped her waistband making her jump and arch her gorgeous ass up into it.

“Mmmm, you bad man! How did I know from the moment I met you that you only wanted me for my body?” She teased.

“Because of the way I unwrapped and devoured you whole with my lecherous gaze, no doubt. You’re actually the first girl I’ve ever taken into a side room and fooled around with at an event.” He reminisced as he kissed her back, across her shoulders and down her spine until he got to that cutout.

“Fine then,” she said, mock surrender in her voice. “Take what you will. Have your spoils.”she hitched her hips up and put a pillow under them so he could explore every inch of her ass.

He relished the sensory experience of simply running his hands over the silky fabric covering her firm rump. He ran his nails over it, causing her to shiver. He ran his lips over it too, unable to resist that curiosity.

“Henry, I’m dying here!” She moaned.

“And you’re killing me with these knickers, we all have our problems.”

He ran a hand down between her legs to tease her sex. She ground her hips into it, needing the friction. He’d give her friction.

He slid the panties aside, and started circling her clit at first, then he penetrated her one finger at a time. She was so wet already. Drenched for him. This got him so hard. He didn’t want to wait to fuck her. A part of him really and truly wanted to skip her gratification and just plow directly into her getting his own rocks off. Spill himself messily all over her pussy, ass, and those gorgeous panties.

But he restrained himself. He wanted to make her come. Wanted to delay his gratification to hear and see her come apart under his touch. He kept working her, listening and feeling for her reactions. She was moaning into her pillow. And he could feel the tension building inside her. He thought one more element would send her over. He hadn’t used his tongue yet. And he had the perfect place for it. He kissed along her more exposed ass cheek until he got to her opening. He’d wanted to do this for so long. And now he finally was. He ran his tongue all around her tight hole. Experimenting with strokes, textures, and pressures. He got the tip in just a bit once, considering it progress. And she was breathing infinitely heavier, about to reach her pinnacle.

When she did, she lost all control of her limbs and her body. She said nonsense. He adored it. But he’d have time to adore her later. Right now he was about to burst and the sight of her cunt trembling and dripping was too much for his cock to resist. He thrust into her slowly at first so he could feel every spasm of her waning orgasm around him. She always squeezed him in all the right places, but he couldn’t recall entering her so quickly after making her come. Why hadn’t he done this before?

His thrusts were hard and they got faster as he chased his pleasure. He appreciated anew the fabric covering her ass. It made her feel almost as delicious on the outside as she did on the inside. He growled as he got closer.

“Where you want me to finish, baby girl?” He asked, as he tended to do.

“Don’t you fucking think about pulling out, Cavill. I want your hot come inside me.” Her filth sent him to new levels of lust and he went harder and faster. This was one of the many things he loved about her body. He knew it was sturdy enough for the unbridled pounding he could give without bruising or pain. She could take him at his most violent without harm or even complaint.

“I’m gonna come again. Henry. Oh fuck!” And when her body began to contract and contort again, it was all Henry needed to tip him into his own oblivion. His release was hot, fast, and glorious inside his goddess. He fell over the top of her still moving his hips, relishing the feel of her panties against his sensitive hips and pelvis. It was heavenly.

Their breathing was rapid, but slowing in tandem with one another.

“Fuck me!” She exclaimed.

“Isn’t that what I just did?” He teased bitting her ear and inciting a giggle.

“Oh you certainly did, sir. Most thoroughly.” She turned as much as she could with him pinning most of her body to the bed, reaching enough of him to pull on his hair. “Kiss me, you villain.”

He obliged, roughly, as she liked. A full mouthed kiss with plenty of tongue. He loved these hungry, wild kisses, too. He broke apart from her just long enough to flip her onto her back and prop her up with some pillows. He wanted her to be comfortable for what came next. Now that both of their thirsts were sated for a while, he could take his time in pleasuring her and not be bothered by his own need…at least not immediately.

“God, if I had my way, you’d never be fully clothed, do you know that?” She blushed furiously whenever he mentioned how sexy she was to him. He knew she’d never felt so and had rarely been told so. And certainly few had ever shown their appreciation for her voluptuous beauty. He’d show her at every turn. Her body begged to be touched. It was so soft and succulent.

He descended her body slowly and thoroughly, not missing the best bits of real estate, like her neck, clavicle, and her nipples, and further down where he found her hips. She loved to be teased here. And he did so. Over her panties that were rapidly becoming his new favorite article of her clothing. He worked his mouth over the layer of fabric for a few moments. Teased her mound with nips and hot breath.

“Henryyyyy!” She squirmed under him and grabbed a handful of his hair. He looked up to find her breathless and staring at the ceiling instead of him. That wouldn’t do.

He slid her panties all the way off, a bittersweet moment. He loved that they were soaked with her arousal and his seed. It got him half hard again, but he had other things to do.

He spread her legs wide and parted her lips. She was still drenched with arousal and his come. Good. He placed one feather light kiss right over her clit and she bucked. Her body was so responsive to his touch.

“Oh, I like that honey. What does this do for you?” And he latched his mouth to her flesh to lay mercilessly soft flicks over her bead. She couldn’t seem to form words, just sounds. But they were pleased sounds, so Henry continued. He descended, sliding the back of his tongue down to her entrance where he thrust into her gently and began undulating and moaning. Their combined flavors made him yearn. He couldn’t figure out why. But he loved tasting himself on her body. Especially here where her own flavor was most potent.

He added his saliva to the mixture there, and then brought his hand in. He slid two fingers into her, stirring her up and pressing firmly against her g-spot. As he worked his hand in her, he worked his mouth over her again, and he felt her losing control and heard her pleading for him not to stop. But she was still looking away from him.

He paused. And she cried out!

“No!” She looked at him, on the verge of tears.

“I won’t do it. Unless you look at me. Watch me, kitten. Look into my eyes while I make you come.”

“Argh, do it! Do it! I’ll never take my eyes off you again as long as you just don’t stop!”

He continued. Fingering her. Devouring her. Watching her. Watching her watch him. He moaned into her body. Growled. Like the hungry beast that he was.

She bucked and writhed and seized as he finished her. He loved being able to give her this. This unfiltered raw pleasure. He crawled up next to her, wanting only to lie next to her as she came down in the afterglow. But she took his face in her hand and brought him to her for a slow, languid, breathtaking kiss. He loved that she didn’t care about the state of his face. Apparently, the wetness there comprised of his semen, sweat, and saliva, paired with her sex was collectively her favorite flavor.

“How is it that after all this time together, you still shock me, Mr. Cavill?” She said in breathless wonder. She flattered him.

“Darling, we’ve barely scratched the surface of the pleasure I can give you.”

And with that promise, he buried her in the pillows behind her as she squealed and giggled with delight.

[unholyplumpprincess]

I Need It Rough

Here’s for @clefaiiiry for the idea of Crypto/Mirage and Crypto being frustrated and needy and getting his pretty little face fucked like he deserves.

Summary: Crypto is frustrated at a match gone wrong (IE he didn't win) and seeks out the comfort of his partner in a more...non traditional manner. Elliott, ever the most deserving of Best Boyfriend Of The Year Award, face fucks the hell out of him to help fuck out his frustrations.

(Older content)

Reblogs > Likes. It costs zero dollars to reblog :D

Minors and ageless blogs DNI or you will be blocked!

Fandom: Apex Legends

Relationship: Crypto/Mirage

Warnings: NSFT/18+, rough face fucking, uhhh fucking out frustrations?, fluffy aftercare, dom mirage??? On MY blog??

Words: 2.4k

__________________

Loud mouth. Smooth talker. Doesn’t shut up.

A lot of names for Elliott could come and go as they pleased. He knew what he was, and he knew what his voice did for many. Especially his fans. He liked to show off, be glamorous as he pleased. But, most importantly, he liked how his voice made a certain someone squirm.

Crypto had been a new legend added to the roster through unforeseen challenges. In fact, Elliott is sure they hadn’t even BEEN seen. Regardless, he’d been welcomed into the top Legends crew like one of their own. Even if there was some curiosity about how he even got there.

It took a little while to break through any of his layers. Even Elliott, who came off as the most least feared of them all, couldn’t quite crack his hard exterior easily. Because even if he came off friendly and inviting, Crypto had made it clear that Elliott was just as to be feared as any other legend. He was there for a reason. His smile and laugh were not the reasons his kill count was so high.

~Rest under the cut~

Becoming partners- now that was even unforeseen by Crypto. He had no interest in finding a partner, let alone falling for another legend. That in itself was dangerous, it drew too much attention. The media curious about who had Elliott all lovestruck.

Thankfully, Elliott could keep his mouth shut sometimes. Kept it a mystery. Some people speculated it to be the ever-fearsome Bloodhound, some even guessed at Wraith but when he chuckled and lightly brushed it off that theory was shot down entirely.

Crypto smirked every time he saw headlines. ‘WHO IS DATING THE LOUD MOUTH LEGEND?’ Tempting enough to reveal himself, almost.

Almost.

No one expected it to be Crypto. Why would they? He was a stranger in their midst, yet an enigma easier to solve than Bloodhound, he had a pretty face. It made it easier to climb the ranks of popularity online, something he still kept tabs on even if he didn’t run the drones streaming the game live for others now.

His mother would be proud knowing he’d landed her favorite. Elliott ‘Mirage’ Witt. However, he kept that out of the letters. No need for more exposure and concern.

When it came down to it, Elliott was a lover of higher expectations. At least for Crypto, who had been used to the idea of loving someone coming with a price. It did, but telling little bits about himself and going slow was not too bad of a price. Especially when Elliott was all smiles, dimples, and a smooth voice telling him that of course they could go slow.

It didn’t affect their work in the matches either. Whether against one another or on a squad, there was no hinderance.

Except, of course, when Crypto found himself in the top five. Edging closer to the sweet taste of victory only to fall to a newcomer who was keen on focusing the hacker down. A few shots to the back and a familiar pain only to find himself awake in the med bay with the words ‘SQUAD ELIMINATED’ on the screen in front of him.

It meant frustration. It meant need. It meant desires he couldn’t handle until they became too much and he’d rather scream or be used.

The latter was more appealing.

The dorms set up on this planet were nice. It was like a little community for the more experienced legends and those newcomers from all over who wanted to participate in the blood sport and work their way up to being champions. The qualifications for it all were something Crypto was glad he didn’t have to go through.

Elliott’s dorm is much like his room on the dropship when they were all being sent to Talos. It’s covered in fanart of himself in the living room, his color scheme most prominent here. There’s a few cardboard cutouts from various sponsors, different gear to promo, his kitchen has quite a few drinks and mixing tools for said drinks, something that makes Crypto smile a bit when entering. Elliott wanted to take his bar with him, essentially.

Rolling his neck and shoulders, Crypto sets about shrugging out of his coat, folding it neatly onto the couch. He’d come straight from the med bay. Stressed and frustrated. Knowing that Elliott was going to do an interview after meant that he had time alone to think. Best do it in Elliott’s dorm which felt like home.

Having long since abandoned his shoes at the doorway, he’s left in his tight black pants, matching shirt, and jewelry. Running a hand through his hair and letting out a low groan of frustration before fishing his phone from his pocket. It was wiped of any data, wiped of anything except one number that embarrassingly had a little gold heart next to the name ‘Idiot’.

He hesitates on texting him. Elliott loved the limelight, loved the glory, the cameras, and most importantly loved the afterglow of a match well done. Crypto feels himself hesitate, feeling almost selfish for asking him to come now.

It took awhile to work him out of his shell. With lots of kisses to his knuckles and Elliott promising that he was more important. He finally works up the urge to hit send and is relieved when it is read not 30 seconds after.

It takes five minutes of waiting. Five minutes of patient waiting.

At some point Crypto had gone to the bedroom. Setting a pillow on the floor and dropping to his knees onto it. Waiting patiently near Elliott’s bed as his head bowed, ears perked and waiting for the sound of the door to click open.

He hears Elliott laughing before he hears the door. Hearing his voice call out, “Yeah! We’ll get drinks later, kay? I’m gonna rest for a bit!” All chipper and cheerful before the door slides shut and the lock is clicked into place.

Crypto swallows thickly. Letting his tongue wet his lips as he keeps his head down.

He hopes he looks good, in the back of his mind. Legs splayed out just so on the pillow to outline his lower body. Hands resting on his thighs and head bowed. Showing off his body, trying to look inviting and not like he was digging his nails into his pants in frustration. Need.

He’s in tune with the sound of boots. The sound of gear being tugged off in a not-so-hurried pace. He nearly snarls, but he waits. Just be patient, fall into your space, relax. He tries to encourage himself like Elliott might, but it isn’t the same.

When Elliott finally comes into the room, he’s dressed in his boots and pants. Everything else tossed off and his curls left down from his goggles. Crypto raises his head to look up at him, steeling his jaw and feeling the metal of his jawline seem to heat up with his body.

Elliott looked a pretty picture. Eyes soft, a smile on his lips that read cocky but the dimples gave him that charming look, and a glisten of sweat about his skin. His torso is exposed, toned and fit with a dark happy trail leading from pierced navel down into his pants. Gold adorns his pecs from piercings through his nipples and Crypto longs to tongue at them.

“Hey, beautiful,” Elliott coos softly. As if calming a feral kitten. Carefully coming over one step at a time until Crypto’s shoulders relax, falling just as Elliott’s warm, calloused fingers cup his cheek. “Look at you. Already ready, huh?”

Crypto hums in response, soft and almost irritated. Nuzzling at his palm and nipping at his fingertips until Elliott nudges his thumb at his full lips. Crypto accepts, suckling on the digit and fluttering his eyes open halfway to look up at him.

Dark brown eyes look back down at him with an intensity that leaves him shuddering. “There you go, baby.” Spoken softly, almost possessively as he presses his thumb down onto Crypto’s tongue. Forcing his lips to part and drool to threaten to spill.

“God, can’t wait to ruin your pretty little mouth.” Elliott murmurs, as if to himself if he didn’t smear the saliva onto Crypto’s lips with his thumb. Wetting them as he pulls his hand back to begin working at his fly.

Crypto grunts, turning his head as if he was going to be difficult. A bratty scenario, trying to make Elliott rougher. It works like a charm when one hand winds in his hair, yanking his head back to face the trickster. He exhales sharply through his nose at the sudden pain, hissing as he’s come face to face with Elliott’s cock.

One hand in Crypto’s hair, the other wrapped around the base of his cock and lazily stroking, he looks quite the picture. Crypto tries to avoid eye contact, turning his gaze with another huff only to get Elliott to gently smack his cheek with his cock. “Come on, baby boy, open that sweet mouth up. You w-want to text me all urg- urging- ugh- in a hurry? You’re going to get it.”

Crypto almost smiles at the stutter. Watching Elliott squint his eyes for just a moment to focus on getting out of the tick. He normally could keep his voice controlled in moments like this, but if he focused too hard on sounding smooth, it came out harder. Just like that.

So he does smile, a bit more of a smirk. Eyes flickering up to meet Elliott’s, challenging him.

“Fine.” Elliott hums in response.

Fingers twist and yank Crypto’s hair fluidly. It makes him gasp out, lips parting enough for Elliott to slide the head of his cock in without risk of biting. “See? That so hard?” He coos out, watching as Crypto’s fingers scramble at his own thighs before he reaches up to hold onto Elliott’s instead.

It’s smooth sailing from there as Crypto gives into soft treatment.

The rough hand in his hair turns to soft pets. Stroking his hair back from his face by warm fingers. Another hand cups underneath Crypto’s jaw, stroking with a thumb at where metal meets flesh. Carefully feeding him inch after inch of Elliott’s cock.  

A beautiful thing, if you asked Crypto. Elliott was about seven inches, a nice size without being too thick or too much with an upwards lean. Some freckles dotting the base where he kept the curls there trimmed and tidy. The head was almost a supple red when aroused, peeking from foreskin that made it glisten and shiny if it wasn’t just from Crypto’s saliva.

It’s with trained practice he relaxes his throat. Fingers flexing on Elliott’s thighs and humming in discomfort at first. “Shh, you got this, baby. Take your time.” Elliott speaks so softly. Still petting at his hair and moving the hand from his jawline to rest in his hair as well to massage at his scalp.

It does the trick. And only in a few moments does his nose press to Elliott’s pelvis. Allowing him to take deep, slow breathes and inhale his scent as his fingers grip tight to his pants.

“Look atcha’, babe. Fuck- wish you could see how you look right now. Such a good boy.” Elliott sighs out, gently rocking his hips to get used to the wet tightness of his throat. How Crypto’s teeth scrape along sensitive flesh without biting.

Crypto, in turn, looks up at him with this sort of lazy submission in his eyes. Humming in response to being told he’s good as his hair is pet behind his ears and his temples given a soft massage with thumbs.

It was a warning. He always knew it was. Knew when to force himself to not focus too hard on it as Elliott slowly pulls out before pushing back in with a low moan that sets Crypto’s skin alight from how good he sounds.

It’s repeated. The same motion. Until Elliott can go faster. Until he’s truly face fucking him and Crypto’s hands no longer plead and scrape at his thighs, rather just holding onto him for dear life as he feels him press into his throat again and again.

When he becomes light headed, Elliott pulls out. Keeping the head on Crypto’s tongue that lolls out as he takes needy breaths. Pressing sloppy, wet kisses over the head and shaft with a hoarse, “Please-” Whining from his throat until Elliott takes him again and uses his mouth just like a toy.

Elliott is full of it. Full of that smooth talking, loud mouth that people don’t get to see. “You look so good, sweetheart.”

“Fuck, just like that Crypto-”

“What a good boy. You look so beautiful on your knees.”

“Bet you’d cum on my boots if I’d let you.”

He’s full of it, praise and dirty talk. Crypto’s too hot in his own pants, trying to grind against nothing for friction. The taste and scent being too much- it's all too much to his sensors.

Elliott shoves in one last time, grabbing Crypto’s hair and keeping him down on his cock. “Swallow.” He pants out, a whiny moan leaving him as he cums. A beautiful noise to match his furrowed expression. Curls hanging in his face as his fingers shaky even as they pet Crypto’s hair as the man swallows every drop. Even if he does make a small face at the taste.

There’s a pause as Elliott lets Crypto milk him dry with small lavishes of his tongue and soft suckles. Slowly pulling out and letting him lick at the head like nothing more than an obedient pup until Elliott laughs softly, breathily.

Dropping onto his knees, Elliott cups his jaw, bringing him in for a deep kiss. Tongue exploring and licking over Crypto’s tongue in reply. Tasting himself as both men moan in reply to the feeling until Elliott parts with a wet sound.

Crypto’s eyes are glassy, lips parted and flushed just like his cheeks. His pants are straining, his hips canting into nothing as Elliott brings him into an embrace. Caressing his hair and his back, petting over his skin until he calms down enough to nose into Elliott’s neck and come down.

“Thank you,” He murmurs out, voice hoarse and shaky. Nosing just below Elliott’s ear until his partner pulls him back to place a soft kiss on both cheeks, then his forehead.

“You’re welcome...Let me take care of you this time around?” Elliott murmurs too sweetly, nuzzling their noses together as if he didn’t just face fuck him into a stupor.

How could he say no?

[jaxl-road]

The League of Extraordinary Rockstars, ch.1

Summary: LA is a hub for music and mutants, making it the perfect place for Motley Crue, Guns N’ Roses, and countless other mutant musicians to call home. But it’s not all easy, especially when it comes to finding a decent place to live. So what better solution than moving in together in the mansion of an immortal? Love, drama, and super powers. If nothing else, it’ll be interesting.

Chapter Warnings: Language, genderswap!Steven

AN: This is a collaboration between myself and @the--blackdahlia​! It combines elements from her fic “It’s So Easy (And Other Lies)” (specifically her genderswapped!Steven) and my super powered GnR series. It is completely AU and ignores timelines like Woah, but hopefully you’ll have as much fun reading it as we’re having writing it! Let us know what you think!

~~~~~

Los Angeles. The city of angels. Also, the highest per capita mutant population in the United States. With it’s history of welcoming minorities, it was no surprise. And West Hollywood was the hot spot. Humans hanging out with mutants, getting their cigarettes lit by a bass player who could control fire, getting their joints from a singer who could control pot. Things were great in LA.

Well, pretty much. They painted a picture perfect world of mutants living in the hills with the rich and famous, when in reality, they were living in small apartments that had more mice than people in them. But the one nice thing about LA? It was usually sunny. Rarely a cloud in the sky. Stevie Adler smiled as she looked up at the sky.

And then there was the honking horn.

“Get out of the street you bitch!” A guy screamed from his car. Stevie sighed and shook her head, crossing the street towards the recording studio. Yeah, LA was a great city.

“What was that about?” Izzy asked from his designated smoking spot.

“Asshole is impatient,” Stevie shrugged. “Where’s everyone else?”

“Slash is hiding because Axl is screaming at someone on the phone,” Izzy explained. “Duff’s not here yet. But Baz is, and he’s getting a kick out of watching Axl trying to avoid going supersonic.”

“Is there a betting pool started yet on if he’ll lose it?” Stevie grinned.

“I’m giving him about ten minutes,” Izzy smirked. “I think it’s Neil he’s yelling at.” Stevie rolled her eyes.

A cold gust of wind blew past them, causing Stevie to shiver. It seemed to get darker all of a sudden, a cloud covering the sun, but before she could comment on it, Izzy was looking past her with a raised eyebrow.

“Uh-oh, looks like someone’s in a bad mood.”

Sure enough, when she followed his gaze, she saw a very sour looking Duff stalking towards them. The weather witch looked deep in thought, a scowl on his face, which made sense as he usually didn’t lose control of his powers like this, especially since he knew Stevie needed as much sun as she could get.

“Hey, stormcloud!” Izzy shouted, getting the bassist’s attention, “Reel it in, motherfucker! The weather report said clear skies today!”

Blinking, Duff seemed to notice the shift in weather for the first time, “Ah, fuck,” the clouds quickly dissapated, the wind dying down as the sunshine returned. “Sorry guys,” he sighed.

“What’s got you all worked up?” Stevie asked.

Running a hand through his hair, Duff glared, “A fucking pipe burst in my apartment. The place was shitty enough with cockroaches crawling all over me, now I’ve got two inches of water covering everything.”

“Hey, if you need a place, Tracii moved out so Slash and I have an empty room,” Stevie told Duff. “I might be able to dry your stuff out. I’m sure Nikki would help.”

“Yeah, because you know that Axl loves those guys hanging around,” Izzy laughed. “Let’s go inside.” The three of them headed in, seeing Baz and Slash, but no Axl.

“He’s in his tantrum hole,” Baz laughed, pointing at the soundproof room. “He’ll be out in a minute once he calms down.” Stevie headed over to Slash to talk to him, leaving Izzy and Duff standing there together. A few moments later, Slash was hugging Duff.

“Roomie!” Slash laughed.

“I see Stevie talked to you,” Duff chuckled.

“Dude, this will be awesome!” Slash grinned, “Now I’ll have my two favorite drinking buddies in the same house!”

“This is a terrible idea,” Izzy muttered to himself.

“What’s a terrible idea?” Axl finally emerged from his designated anger room, with a look on his face that said he was very consciously keeping himself calm.

“Duff is gonna move in with Stevie and me!” Slash exclaimed, “Apparently his place is underwater, and we’ve got some space since Tracii moved out, so it’s perfect!”

“...Yeah, I’m gonna agree with Izzy and say that’s a terrible idea,” Axl shook his head as he moved to lean against Sebastian��s side, “The three of you? In one place?” 

“It feels like a threat to public safety,” Izzy chimed in.

“You’re just jealous cause you know we’re gonna be the most fun house on the strip now,” Stevie teased. 

Izzy smiled tensely, looking briefly between Duff and Stevie before glancing away.

“Wait a minute, I thought Motley Crue had the most fun house on the strip,” Baz pointed out before Axl glared at him. “Sorry babe, but you gotta admit, they know how to throw a party.”

“I think that Nikki’s party trick of catching himself on fire is annoying and overused,” Axl huffed. “And you’re supposed to be on my side.”

“Okay, before Sebastian and Axl start fighting to make up later, can we record some music?” Stevie asked with a laugh. “Duff, we’ll go get your stuff that can be salvaged. I’ll call Tommy to come help.” Axl groaned but Stevie pretended she didn’t hear.

“Think you can get through a couple songs without shattering the glass?” Slash joked at Axl. The singer merely flipped him off as they finally made their way into the booth. Stevie took a seat behind the drums, not noticing Duff and Izzy glancing at her. Slash just sighed and got his guitar.

Baz smiled as he listened to Axl sing, and soon, they had a couple rough tracks down before their studio time was up. Stevie bounced to the payphone to call Tommy while Slash, Izzy, and Duff talked.

“So...you’re moving in with Stevie…” Izzy said, staring at Duff.

“And Slash,” Duff pointed out. “Not just Stevie.”

“Right, right…”

“Gee, way to make a guy feel loved,” Slash pouted.

Izzy rolled his eyes, shoving Slash’s shoulder lightly, glad for the break in the tension as the three chuckled. At that moment, Stevie jogged back over, giving a thumbs up as she smiled.

“Alright! We’re all set! Tommy should be here s-”

“HEY GUYS!”

A gust of wind swirled around them as Tommy skidded to a stop beside them, his hair a wild mess around his face. The speedster gave Stevie a quick hug as he chattered, “Stevie told me what happened, that sucks dude!” He gave Duff a sympathetic pat on his shoulder, “I’ll totally help though! Nikki’s dealing with Vince right now, apparently he’s having a bitch fit cause of some phone call or something, I dunno, but he’ll be by to help out later. Anyway, how are the rest of you guns?”

Tommy gave Slash a quick hug, but when he moved to throw his arm around Izzy’s shoulder, his arm fell right through the other man, sending the drummer stumbling forward. Slash, Duff, and Stevie laughed as Tommy pouted at Izzy’s deadpan expression.

“Oh come on, man, don’t be like that!”

The next couple hours were spent bickering and joking as they waded through Duff’s apartment to clear out his meager belongings, Tommy running between the flooded space and Slash and Stevie’s apartment while Duff chewed out his landlord until he got his deposit back.

Duff came back to the soggy apartment to see Stevie standing there, holding a book and smiling. He raised an eyebrow until he saw what she was looking at, then he tried to run to grab it.

“Duff, you were so cute!” Stevie laughed.

“Let me see!” Tommy ran by, grabbing the book. As he did, a photo fell out of the back. Slash picked it up. “Duff, you were a dorky looking kid.”

“Says the guy who was wearing tights in a picture his mom showed me the first time we met!” Duff pointed out.

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Tommy groaned.

“At least you don’t look as dorky as Stevie,” Slash teased, showing Tommy a picture of Stevie asleep next to Duff, her head on his shoulder, and most definitely drooling. “I’m just surprised you didn’t burn up the camera. Either with your sunshine crap or being so ugly.”

“Love you too,” Stevie rolled her eyes. “Why do you have that?”

“Just liked it,” Duff shrugged.

“Okay, well, do you guys mind like, getting out of here?” Tommy asked. “Everything that can be saved has been saved, and I can feel the mold growing on us as we stand here talking about how I’m much cuter than everyone else.” He smirked. “And Nikki said he’s gonna try to meet us over at your place to help dry things out.”

Nodding in agreement, the group made their way over to the apartment that housed Stevie, Slash, and now Duff. The place wasn’t much better than Duff’s old apartment, but it was dry, so they couldn’t complain. Plus, the bassist was happy to note that there were significantly less cockroaches than his old place contained (not no cockroaches, that’d be asking for too much, but less at least). 

On top of that, despite being small and dingy, Slash and Stevie still managed to make the place feel like a home. Cracks and stains on the walls were covered by posters, fliers, and magazine cutouts of their favorite bands, the pictures layered over each other excitedly. Their garbage dump couch was covered in an old tie dyed bed sheet to mask the tears. The kitchen counters held rows and rows of empty bottles, some of them containing the dried remains of long dead flowers that would probably give Vince a heart attack if he saw them. A lingering scent of cigarette smoke clung to the whole apartment, there was trash everywhere, and a pile of records reached halfway up the wall next to a thrift-store record player.

Duff immediately felt right at home. 

“So, your room is right over here,” Slash led the way down the short hallway. They passed a bathroom that had definitely seen better days, a bedroom covered in KISS merch that simply had to be Stevie’s, and another door covered in caution tape that was closed tight.

“That’s Slash’s room,” Stevie leaned over to whisper in Duff’s ear, “He thinks I don’t know about the python he’s got in there, but at least he keeps it contained.”

Shuddering at the idea of being in the same space as a large snake, Duff debated about turning right back around and returning to the lake of his apartment, but before he could, he was being steered into the final bedroom. It was a little smaller than his old place, but it’s not like he was picky. Tommy had piled his stuff along the walls in two groups- the stuff that needed drying, and the stuff that was okay.

Right on cue, there was a knock on the door. “Oh, that’s probably Nikki!” Tommy cried enthusiastically, and with a gust of wind was off to the door.

Sure enough, Nikki was there with Vince and Mick in tow. Nikki had a couple pizza boxes in hand, Vince had a sour look on his face, and Mick, well, was Mick.

"We brought pizza!" Nikki announced. "Two large supremes!"

"Did you get something not supreme?" Stevie quizzed.

"Just pick off the black olives and shit," Nikki teased. Mick smacked the back of his head and handed Stevie a pepperoni pizza.

"Here you go," He grumbled. "Nikki just likes to tease you."

Sticking her tongue out at the bassist, Stevie happily accepted her pizza, the group gathering in the living room to take a break before tackling Duff’s damp belongings. As they ate, Vince kept scowling, pouting, and muttering under his breath. Finally, Slash sighed dramatically.

“Alright Neil, I’ll bite: what the fuck is your problem?”

Glaring, the blonde singer huffed, “My problem is that your singer is an asshole!”

“Are we supposed to be surprised or something? This isn’t news,” Stevie chimed in.

But Vince continued as if she hadn’t said anything, “That bastard stole my favorite pants, I just know it, and when I called to nicely ask for them back-”

“He wasn’t remotely nice. I was there,” Nikki contributed.

“-he had the fucking audacity to say, ‘why would I ever steal your ugly-ass pants?’! Like, we all know that my style is MILES better that his garbage, midwest grunge look!”

“Don’t let Izzy hear you talking like that,” Duff snickered.

Meanwhile, Stevie’s brow was furrowed in thought, “Which pants are these?”

“My acid-wash jeans with the white stitching on the side,” Vince answered, sighing wistfully.

“Oooooh, shit,” Stevie grimaced, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I gave those to Axl after last laundry day.” Slash and Stevie’s apartment building was the only one in the group that had a laundry facility on-site, so once a week all the rockers showed up on their doorstep with a bag of dirty clothes and handfuls of coins for them. Slash and Stevie used to deal with it together, but ever since Slash decided that laundry detergent and dish detergent were interchangeable, he had been banned from the laundry room.

“What?!” Vince screeched, “Stevie, how could you?” he cried, his voice full of betrayal.

“I didn’t do it on purpose!” Stevie threw her arms in the air, “I was tired, we all dress the same, and you and Axl are the same size!”

“You take that back! I am a quarter inch taller than him and you know it!”

“Oh, excuse me,” Stevie rolled her eyes, “how could I forget? How’s the weather up there, skyscraper?”

Gasping in exaggerated offense, Vince turned to his bandmates desperately, “Do you hear this blasphemy? She’s trying to sabotage us! She wants to break my spirit and give my superior wardrobe to her singer!”

“Yes, Vinnie, she is clearly an evil mastermind,” Nikki chuckled as he looked at Stevie’s pouting face.

“Aw, come on man, look at her!” Tommy reached over, putting his hands on either side of Stevie’s face to squish her cheeks, “How can you stay mad at her? Look at this face!” Stevie giggled as the other drummer pulled her closer, both of them giving Vince puppy eyes as Tommy sang, “You know you loooove herrrrr.”

To Vince’s credit, he put in a good effort fighting off the smile on his face. But eventually he couldn't resist breaking into a wide grin at the drummers’ antics, “Goddammit, you guys, I have a reputation!”

“You do?” Nikki laughed as Vince punched his arm, the group descending into playful bickering and laughter.

"I think I saw something about his reputation on the bathroom wall at the Roxy," Duff teased, making everyone laugh.

"Guys I gotta pee," Stevie laughed. She got out of Tommy's hold and headed to the bathroom, Duff taking a peek.

"See something you like?" Nikki teased, elbowing Duff.

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he huffed, shoving Nikki’s shoulder, “Didn’t you come over here for a reason? Come help me with my shit before it fucking dissolves or something.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m on it,” grinning, Nikki rubbed his hands together as they glowed lightly, the two bassists making their way back to Duff’s new room to try to salvage more of his stuff.

Tommy shook his head lightly and turned to Slash, “Dude, Duff and Stevie in the same apartment? Have fun with that.”

“God, don’t remind me,” Slash groaned, “You should have seen Izzy’s face when we were talking about it.”

“I can’t believe Stevie still hasn’t noticed.”

“Hasn’t noticed what?” Stevie chirped, narrowing her eyes suspiciously as she rounded the corner, making her way back to her seat.

Without missing a beat, Slash smirked, “That Tommy’s been trying to flick olives down your shirt for the last ten minutes.”

“Dude!” Stevie cried indignantly, smacking Tommy’s arm, “Not cool! This shirt isn’t even low cut, you’re just gonna just fucking marinara on it or something!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Tommy grit out, glaring at Slash as he, Vince, and Mick laughed at his misfortune.

The night went pretty smoothly, other than Vince calling Stevie ‘Benedict Arnold’ various times throughout the night, and Nikki almost catching a couple of Duff’s books on fire. But soon, the Crue headed out, leaving the three roommates in their home.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m beat,” Stevie yawned. “I’ll see you in the morning.” She said goodnight before heading to her room, Duff watching her as she went. Slash slapped his shoulder.

“I’m not living with you pining over her,” Slash groaned.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Duff stood up and headed to his room. “Stevie doesn’t even like me like that.” With that, he headed towards his room, leaving the guitarist there to groan.

“It is a sad, sad day,” Slash muttered to himself, “when Axl is the one in a stable relationship.”

With one last shake of his head, he made his way into his own room, bracing himself for what was sure to be an interesting new living situation.

[thtdamfangirl4]

thanks @pretend-im-normal for this set of questions!

i shall start with a christmas ask game (yes i know it’s january 28th) created by none other than archie’s husband

1. Their favorite Christmas tradition

I think for Archie it has to be baking christmas cookies. He loves doing it even if it’s just him, but especially doing it with the people he loves. He takes the decorating process way too seriously (this may or may not be inspired by my real life) and all the bois pitch in and reginald’s are always disturbing but annoyingly delicious and dorian’s are always a little goth and octavius’s are fabulous and archie keeps telling him that louboutins are not a christmas item but octavius insists that since he asked for them for christmas they should count, and archie loves him so he lets it slide. Eustace very carefully decorates and does his best and every time you eat one you can tell it’s full of love. Jasper wants everything to be as colorful as possible and he covers them in sprinkles. And nathaniel, lovely nathaniel, can’t decorate for shit but he just has fun with it and laughs the whole time and that makes archie’s chest feel tight for reasons he can’t explain until later. And then Archie and Nate finally start dating and during their first Christmas, aside from the bois cookie night, they do one of their own and Archie shows Nate how to decorate the way he does and Nate can’t quite get there but he’s following each direction with fervor and they look pretty good and he’s so proud of himself and Archie sneaks mistletoe into the kitchen and kisses him and now they do it every year, and every year Nate gets a little better. And eventually they have kids and they join the tradition (even the annual cookie decorating night with the bois), and Cam is fantastic at cookie decorating and Ben eats the dough and Archie swats him teasingly with a wooden spoon every time and Evie mixes icing colors cause she’s great at art and Nate washes dishes and makes a valiant effort and they dance around the kitchen and sing christmas music playing from Archie’s phone and he smiles the whole time and every year, he pulls out the mistletoe and kisses his husband and the kids go from thinking it’s cute to thinking it’s gross and embarrassing and all the way back to thinking it’s adorable when they’re old enough and one year Evie snaps a picture of it and it’s on the Christmas card the next year. Christmas is his favorite time of the year, and cookie days just feel like this magic untouchable place where he’s with his family and doing what he loves and to him, it is Christmas personified.

2. Their favorite Christmas song

It’s very hard to narrow down, so I’ll give a top three: All I Want for Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey, Last Christmas by Wham!, and Mary Did You Know by Pentatonix.

3. Their least favorite Christmas song

This will not come as a shock, because well... I’m Archie. It’s Michael Buble’s version of Santa Baby. He loves most of Michael’s Christmas music, but in his words, Michael Buble “needs to man up and be willing to fuck Santa or don’t bother singing the song.” He just made it weird by having it be Santa Buddy and Santa Pally. And Archie loves this song. He tweets Michael Buble about it every Christmas, begging him to erase it from existence.

4. Their general feelings about Christmas

Archie goes feral for Christmas. He loves everything about it. Fun, family, love, festivity, good music, good food, an excuse to bake 24/7, baby Jesus, buying presents, getting presents. Archie prides himself on being the Christmas Bitch. He’s especially fantastic at gift-giving.

5. Their favorite Christmas treat

Octavius’s homemade pizelles dipped in spiked hot chocolate.

6. The best gift they ever received

When Evie is like 20, she gives him a scrapbook for Christmas. It’s filled with pictures of Archie, Nathaniel, the kids, and the other bois over the years. Every page has Taylor Swift lyrics that relate to the images and stories, as well as messages she’s written and cute captions. In addition to pictures, there’s little mementos like ticket stubs or receipts or notes she’s collected from her dad and her aunts and uncles and scattered throughout the book are cutout lines from a printed out version of the poem he wrote for his and Nathaniel’s anniversary. Archie cries for like 3 hours.

7. The worst gift they ever received

One year, Jessica gets him in the PTA secret santa, and she gets him a few workout shirts and an expensive bottle of red wine. He’s so offended. To an outsider, this may seem like a nice gift, but it’s very clear that she got him the shirt because she disapproves of his crop tops. And she knows full well that he doesn’t really like red wine. He’s a white wine bitch. She knows. It’s been discussed.

8. The best gift they ever gave

He likes to joke that the best gift he’s ever given is the supplementary bundle of “free sex” coupons he gave to Nathaniel their first Christmas together (he also got him a fluffy bathrobe, a playlist of songs that remind him of nate, an anthology of queer writing and letters from historical figures, and a trip to color me mine, don’t worry). But the real best gift he ever gave was years later, when they’ve been married for 5 years. He surprises Nathaniel with a trip to New York, where he’s also gotten them tickets to a revival of Hamilton, they go on a tour of diner breakfasts, and then have a shopping and spa day. And then he has them get dressed up but Nathaniel doesn’t know why and after they go to a fancy dinner, he takes Nathaniel to the Woolworth building on Broadway (where the ball scene from Enchanted takes place), and the whole place has been rented out there’s the actual singer from the movie and they slow dance in the romantic lighting to So Close (their wedding song) and it’s endlessly romantic and both of them are crying a lot little.

9. The worst gift they ever gave

No. Archie has never given a bad gift in his life.

10. How they decorate their house

dude. DECK THE FUCKING HALLS. There are two trees. One is picture perfect and looks straight out of a hallmark movie, and the other one is covered in popcorn strings and tacky ornaments from movies and shows and homemade ones by the kids and Ben always puts too much tinsel on it and Cam eats the candy canes so it’s a little wonky and that one is not-so-secretly Archie’s favorite. Beautiful wreaths on the doors and windows outside. Beautiful real-looking garland and berries and red ribbon and little bells decorate the banisters and staircases. There are lights everywhere. Christmas paintings. Outside is decked the fuck out in lights of all colors, he loves the icicles, no blow ups, but he does get a moving reindeer made of lights, and it’s a whole winter wonderland. Lots of seasonal scented candles. White lights on the mantle. Always a fire burning in the fireplace. A beautiful handmade and well-lit nativity scene. Cinnamon scented pinecones everywhere. Santa, reindeer, and snowman figures are in a lot of places. He puts mistletoe above every doorway, molding, entryway, high cabinet, or anywhere he can hang it because the man loves love and he wants as many excuses as he can get to kiss his husband.

11. Their favorite Christmas memory

On Evie’s first Christmas, she gets all fussy and cries a lot while they’re at Octavius and Dorian’s for Christmas Eve and so they go home early and they put her to bed but it’s only like 8pm. So they have their own end to the night and it’s just them in their pajamas, watching The Holiday and Love Actually while drinking tea and they just cuddle up under a blanket. Archie gives Nate forehead kisses and they fall asleep curled up on the couch halfway through The Year Without a Santa Claus. And he wakes up and Nate isn’t there anymore and he finds him holding Evie in her rocking chair humming Christmas songs to her and he just watches from the doorway until Nate finally looks up and smiles at him. And then they get everything ready cause everyone they know is coming to their house for Christmas and Evie wears an adorable Christmas onesie and they all open presents but. Those like 12 hours. Cuddling with Nathaniel and watching christmas romcoms and waking up to see his husband rocking their beautiful baby daughter to christmas songs. Yeah. That one’s his favorite.

12. Their least favorite Christmas memory

When he was like 12 (back in the regency days) he got sick on Christmas and couldn’t go to any of the events or parties and he hated it. But other than that,,, there’s a reason Christmas is his favorite time of year. It’s magic for him.

13. if/Where they travel for the holidays

Nah. He always stays home. He’s the Christmas Hostess With The Mostest. Always home for Christmas. He, Nathaniel, and the kids do go to Disney World for the week before/including New Year’s one year though.

14. Who they spend the holidays with

Obviously: Nathaniel, Octavius, Dorian, Reginald, Jasper, Eustace, Tyler, (and eventually) Evie, Ben, and Cam, and Eustace and Tyler’s kids. Gigi, Chloe, Jackie, and Liza, switch off every year whether they’re with family or the bois. Lynn and Suzanne always come to Christmas Eve and stop by on Christmas day before going to see their families. Every once in a while, Reginald brings a Doug who had nowhere else to go.

15. All of their Christmas traditions (not just their favorite XD)

jesus. well some have been listed. Cookies, decorating, hanging mistletoe fucking everywhere. he starts listening to Christmas music on November 1st. Snowball fight with the whole crew. Snowman contest with the whole crew. Getting drunk and watching Hallmark/Netflix Christmas movies. Making cinnamon rolls for christmas morning. wearing an entire christmas wardrobe in the month of december. Christmas treats at the bakery. Looking hot at Nathaniel’s work Christmas party. Wrapping presents for weeks after the kids go to bed. Making the world’s best hot cocoa. Bugging Octavius for his pizelle recipe (he won’t give it up). tweeting one direction and begging them to reunite for a Christmas album. Rewatching all the holiday seasons of the Great British Bake Off. Making roast for Christmas dinner. Making mulled wine at some point. Game day with the crew the day after Christmas. Writing Nate a poem every Christmas they’re usually really bad . eating one candy cane per season out of obligation and then going back to his hatred of mint. buying a million seasonal items at Bath and Body Works. watching It’s a Wonderful Life with Nathaniel on Christmas Eve Eve. Dressing his kids in christmas pajamas. That’s all I can think of for now.

okay i’m finally done this took me almost two hours oh my god. happy frat boi-ing.

[samcrobae]

Zoo, part 2

Sooooo this piece has nothing to do with a zoo, but it’s from Mayans take the Zoo, and I didn’t know how else to identify it. Picks up where we left off. Daddy figure Angel at the zoo. @northerncountryprincess said she didn’t know she needed father figure Angel and I didn’t either. BUT I went the zoo today and it came to me. 😍 and now I’m obsessed. This will set up Angel’s relationship with the reader, but more daddy Angel to come.

Warning: Angel cuteness, language, my personal favorite: Angel SMUT

@carlaangel86 @cind-in-real-life @northerncountryprincess

————————————

Angel was at the yard lost in conversation with Gilly when you pulled into the lot. Gilly looked up and tapped his arm then nodded in your direction. The guys erupt in whistles as he stood up and walked to your car.

“Thought you were off today?” He asked as you stepped out of the car. “I am. Just wanted to come say hi and see if you wanted to get lunch? I just dropped Emma off with her dad-it’s his weekend.” He reaches over and pulls you into him by your waist. “I’m sorry, I wish I could. I told Coco I’d help finish some shit here. But we were gonna step out later, if you want I can come pick you up? Get you outta that house.”

You chuckle “yeah alright, pick me up.... around 8?”

“Alright I got you.”

You lean in and hug him, but before pulling away, he whispers into your ear, “where something nice for me.” He kisses your cheek and you get in your car and drive off.

“What’s going on with with that hermano? You guys make it official?” Coco asks.

“Yeah right they haven’t even kissed!” Gilly spoke up.

“Nah man, I don’t know, it’s weird. She’s got a kid. I’m being respectful. I’m glad my love life is such a joke, assholes. Oh- I told her to come out with us tonight, the kids with her dad.” Angel gets up and walks over into the clubhouse. Coco looks at Gilly and EZ, “this shit is gonna happen. I have an idea.”

————————————————

You get dressed, changing your outfit a million times before finally settling on a black dress, a cutout at your chest. “This will have to do I guess.” You think to yourself. A quick splash of perfume, and you hear a knock at the door. You look through the peephole and see Angel on the other end.

You open the door and greet him with a smile “hey.”

His eyebrows raise and he swallows hard “hi.”

“I just need to grab my phone and we can head out.” You say. You turn to grab your phone and he watches your every movement, he can feel his heart picking up pace and his pants growing tighter as he notices he’s now hard. “Angel you don’t have to stand outside you can come in.” He tries to remain casual and shakes his head and quietly says “trust me it’s better I stay on this side.” You head back out and lock your door and head down your steps into his car.

Before driving off he looks at you up and down as you sat in your seat next to him. “You know, don’t take this the wrong way, but god damn you look incredible.” “You don’t look to bad yourself” you reply back, not missing a beat.

You arrive at the bar and see Coco, EZ, and Gilly at a table. “Holy shit” Gilly lets out when he sees you. “I didn’t think she owned anything that didn’t look like mom clothes.”

“Hey guys.” You smiled at the 3 of them, who were awkward as hell when you approached.

“Ima get some shots, be back” coco gets up out of his seat.

A few drinks later, you find yourself dancing with Angel. Your hips pressed to his as you grind into him with the beat of the song. His hands come up to rest on your hips and the level of restraint it’s taking him to not take you into the bathroom, lift your dress up and fuck you here is unbearable.

Coco makes his way over, “my bad but Bish just texted. Needs me and Gilly, and Ima take Boy Scout here too.”

“He didn’t text me?” Angel questions .

“Guess he didn’t need you then”.

Just then coco and Gilly turn to leave and Angel makes eye contact with EZ. EZ looks at Angel, wide eyed and notions to you. Angel chuckles to himself as he realizes this was part of their plan all along. Bishop didn’t need them but he needed to spend time with you and they knew that.

“Guess it’s just us?” You said.

You spent the rest of the night drinking, laughing, and talking. As the night wound down you and Angel sat finishing your drinks.

“So, why are you here?” Angel looks up at you as he goes to take a drink. You furrowed your brows in confusion. “Um because you invited me?”

“I mean why are you here? In Santo Padre. How did you end up here? You’re too good for all this. For me. This life.”

“You don’t know that. I like you, Angel. Shouldn’t that be all that matters?”

“Yeah but I ain’t your type.”

“How do you know what my type is?”

“I can tell. I’m not it”

“Okay, you’re right. Youre not my type. You’re arrogant and cocky, rude, annoying, and you have a temper,” he looks at you and nods his head.

“But you’re smart and funny, you make me laugh, youre amazing with Emma, you’re dangerous and incredibly sexy, your laugh makes my heart skip a beat, your smile makes my stomach do back flips, the way you call me “mi dulce” gives me butterflies and I look forward to seeing you everyday.” He looks at you and smiles, taking one last sip of his drink. “Come on, lets take you home.”

You get to your front door and you put the key in and turn the knob. You linger for a minute before breaking the silence, “thanks Angel. I had fun.” You look up at him, noticing his gaze has now shifted to your lips. You lick your own lips and he steps closer to you. “You’re amazing, mi dulce.” He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear and leans in to kiss you. You meet his kiss, and he steps back. “I like you too Y/N. Goodnight.” He turns to walk back down your steps.

“Angel?” He stops and looks at you. “Do you wanna.. come in?” He turns Back and walks towards you. “More than you know”.

You open the door and he steps inside. Taking in the sight of your living room, Emma’s toys and things laid out on the floor. “Sorry, I didn’t have a chance to put this all away.” You start to grab her things when you feel Angels hand on yours. He pulls you into him, taking your face in his hands and kisses you again. This time the kiss is rough and your hands come up to rest on his forearms. You walk him backwards to the couch. His legs hit the edge of the couch and he sits down, bringing you with him.

You straddle his lap, your hands on his cheeks as you kiss him and his hands coming up to grip your waist, he breaks the kiss to start kissing on the exposed part of your chest where your dress doesn’t cover, your hands tangle in his hair, his hands now roaming under your dress gripping your ass. You let out a soft moan and in one swift movement he flips you into your back, so that’s hovering over you. Your chest is rising and falling quickly, and he kisses your lips again, slipping his tongue into your mouth his hands still on your ass. “I’ve been thinking about getting you out of this dress all fuckin night.” He lowers his head and kisses the skin on your chest again only this time he’s sucking his mark into every crevice of available skin.

You let out a moan and he finds his way to your panties and pulls them down your legs. He lowers himself so that his face is where you want it most. He looks up at you and lifts your dress, exposing yourself to him. He leaves a trail of slow and gentle kisses up your thighs and your breathing is heavy , anticipating his next move. He looks at you as he slowly brings finger and runs it over your pussy, and you let out the breath you had drawn in. “You’re fuckin perfect princesa...” his mouth crashes onto you, hungrily kissing, licking, sucking at your clit, then slides a finger into you and pumps it in and out of you.

“Oh my god.... yes....” you buck your hips into his thrusts, bringing your pussy closer to him and he grips your hips hard, and you know you’re going to have bruises later. He slides a 2nd finger into you and you let out a louder moan, a warmth pooling in your stomach. Your skin felt like it was on fire, his lips on your skin causing waves of ecstasy to rip through you. “Angel.... yes.... yes.... fuck.....”

“Let go mi dulce... cum..” he picks up the pace with his fingers, flicking his tongue faster across your clit.

Your back arches off the couch and stars cloud your vision as the first orgasm rips through you, your hands pull on his hair and you moan his name “Angellll.....”. He slows his sucking as you come down from your high. Getting up he wipes his beard of your juices and stands you up, your knees weak, and he remove your dress.

“Why am I the only one naked here?” You playfully ask. “If you wanted me naked all you had to was ask baby.” You start undoing the buttons of his flannel and he reaches around and unclasps your bra, letting the fabric fall to the floor. You undo the last button of his shirt then pull it down to the floor, working on his belt buckle and jeans next. He lifts you up and puts you against the wall, taking a nipple in his mouth. You let out another moan, as he bites on the skin between his teeth, his free hand working the other breast.

“I need you Y/N, now.”

“Then take me.”

He aligns himself with your entrance and quickly enters you. “Fuck...” you breath out. He lets out a low growl and begins thrusting into you, each thrust sending you slamming into the wall, almost knocking the breath out of you.

“You feel so good...your pussy is so fuckin wet ..” Angel grits between his teeth.

His thrusts become deeper and he hits that spot that sent you into oblivion just moments before and you let a loud moan leave your lips “yeah like that, please don’t stop Angel... that feels so good.”

“Yeah you like that? You like the way I’m fuckin you baby? Tell me”

“Yea... you fuck me so good... keep going... please keep going ... I’m so close ..”

He sucks into the skin on your neck and you dig your nails into his back. You can’t hold on any longer and you’re practically whimpering words that don’t even make sense and he comes up to kiss you again. You begin to feel your walls clench and he moans into your mouth... “do that again baby... squeeze my dick again..” his thrusts are now erratic, fast, powerful.

“Angel... Angel......yeah...I’m gonna cum ...” you both find your release at the same time, a deep and drawn out growl leaving his throat.. “FUCK!” He burries his face into your chest, beads of sweat across his head as he stills himself inside of you.

Slowly putting you down, he places a kiss to your forehead. Then rests his own forehead on yours. “You’re so beautiful..” as he tries to catch his breath. You bend down and start grabbing your clothes off the floor and head to the bathroom clean yourself up. He follows you in and hands you his flannel.

“What’s this for?” You ask.

“Put it on, you’re my girl. I wanna see you in my favorite shirt.” He leans over and plants a kiss on your shoulder.

“Your girl huh?” You smiled and turn so you’re facing him. He puts his hands on your waist and kisses your cheek, then the corner of your mouth, then your lips.

“Yeah. You’re perfect. And that? That was fuckin... wow. And everyday, all day, I find myself thinking about you. You just do something to me. I care about you. I care about Emma. I don’t wanna pass this up.”

“Angel- I cant tell you how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”

You kiss his lips and he pulls you into him, and that was just the first of many nights to come.

——————————

[maylovexhs]

everytime - THE LUCKY ONE (Chp. 25)

Author’s Note: You better work! (Covergirl!) Work it girl, do a twirl. . . You’ll get it later. Anyways happy ten years of 1D. As promised, here’s another chapter of everytime. -May 

Catch up on everytime here

August 25th, 2019.

I wanna hold 'em like they do in Texas, please

Fold 'em, let 'em hit me,

Raise it, baby, stay with me

I love it

I swayed my foot, listening to the song as I looked out the car window at the countryside.

Love game intuition, play the cards with spades to start

And after he's been hooked, I'll play the one that's on his heart

I felt Lisa poke my shoulder. I took out one of my airpods, turning my head to her.

"Huh?" I asked her.

"I got you an interview with one of Amsterdam's radio stations" Lisa said.

I turned my head back to the window, watching the weeds sway in the wind. We were driving to my Vogue photoshoot in Italy. Lisa especially flew out for it. To her and Adrian, Italy's vogue were notorious for experimenting more with shoots, being more controversial than the US' Vogue. Looking at some of its latest covers, I had to agree. As much as I felt excited for it, I felt something was wrong. Like I was missing something, or someone.  

"You did?" I asked Lisa, not surprised. "When?"

"Next Wednesday" Lisa said. "In the morning. It would be good press for your upcoming show there"

"Don't you think I get enough press already?" I asked her.

"Which is why we should appericate it while we could" Lisa said. "It's always been that way"

I took out both airpods, sighing. I put them in my case, throwing them in my bag.

"What's wrong with you?" Lisa asked me.

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"You didn't say anything to me since we left the hotel and you're acting moody" Lisa pointed out. "Are you on your period?"

"Last day" I told her. "But that's not it"

I looked outside the window again. The field of weeds reminded me of home. There would be miles of weeds whenever I drove somewhere back home.

"I think I miss home" I said, looking back to Lisa.

"You do?" Lisa asked. "Or you miss the people at home?"

"You know what I mean" I told her. "I love touring but doing night after night, sometimes I need more than a two day break. I like going out not having anything planned for tomorrow. I really can't enjoy the moment when I know I have to leave it soon"

"Well, you toured before" Lisa said. "You knew what you were getting yourself into"

"Knew you were going to say that" I commented.

I crossed my arms, feeling somewhat frustrated.

I was just homesick. I was homesick before but never this early on tour. I just started tour less than a month ago. I expected I would miss home later than sooner, considering how I've always craved space for myself. I guess that part of me changed.

"Maybe I should fly Ali out" I said. "Or Jessie. Or Jie Lin"

"Maybe you should" Lisa said. "If Jessie wants to leave her husband for a week and if Ali wants to quit her job"

I bit my lip, feeling my hands were tied.

"I still have Jie Lin" I told Lisa.

I looked at window, seeing we were turning into a trailer park.

"We're here" Lisa said.

"Trailers? Adrian didn't say anything about trailers to me" I said to Lisa. "Did you tell him?"

"And hear Adrian's wrath about mosquitoes and the heat?" Lisa asked as if it was an answer. "Nope"

The driver stopped the car for us. Lisa got out of the car first, slamming her door shut.

"Grazie" I said to the driver as I got out of the car.

I shut the car door and looked at the set. There had to be more than one hundred people here, strange for a photoshoot. Lisa started to walk through the set as the car we were just in drove away. I followed her. A woman quickly approached us.

"Y/N" She said in an Italian accent, pointing at me.

"Yup" I said, nodding. "The Y/N"

"Follow me" The woman said, walking past us.

I shrugged to Lisa before walking after the woman. She led us to a trailer. A paper was hung on the trailer's door, my face and name on the paper.

"Grazie" I said to the woman.

She nodded to me, leaving. Lisa opened the trailer door, stepping inside. I followed her inside.

It was an average trailer, the same I've seen on movie sets. The only difference was there was a vanity table and a rack of clothes. Adrian was already sitting in the trailer, along with a blue haired woman, a blonde woman and a man.  

"Ugh" Adrian complained. "Finally arrived"

"We're right on time" Lisa said.

"Didn't you always used to say 'early's on time, on time is late and late is unacceptable?'" Adrian asked her.

"We're on time" Lisa said in a deadpan tone.

"Thanks for telling me about the trailer park" Adrian said with complete sarcasm. "Really love the weather outside"

"Enough Adrian" I told him, looking towards the two women and the man. "You must be-"

"Marinette" The blue haired woman said in a french accent, introducing herself. "Your stylist for today."

"Nice to meet you, Marinette" I said to her.

"Call me Mari" She said.

"Oh, okay" I said, nodding. "Mari"

"This is Ralph and Celine" Marinette said, pointing to the man and the blonde woman.

"Hair stylist" Ralph said in an Italian accent.

'Makeup" Celine said.

"Happy to work with you both today" I said, shaking their hands.

"I've already talked to Mari about what you would like" Adrian said. "Everything she picked has been approved by me"

I smiled at Marinette. I placed my bag on the trailer's couch.

"Can I see?" I asked Marinette.

Marinette walked over to the rack of clothes as did I. I looked through the hangers of dresses, in awe of each one. I stopped sorting through the dresses, seeing one that caught my eye. I took the hanger off the rack, holding the dress up. It was a white flowing dress with some lace black cutout on it.

"McQueen Resort 2019" Adrian said. "Had to get it when I saw it"

"I think I want to take this one back home" I said, admiring the dress.

I looked to Marinette.

"Can I wear this one?" I asked her.

"Tresses de cheveux? On pourrait rentrer sa frange" Ralph said to Marinette.

"Je pense que nous pourrions" Marinette said back to Ralph.

Lisa, Adrian and I looked to them, all of us equally confused.

"Braids" Marinette said, pointing to my hair. "For the dress"

"Okay" I said, nodding. "Braids"

"Let's start on the hair" Marinette said, gesturing me to the chair at the vanity table.

I sat down in the chair. Ralph took out my ponytail, my hair falling down on my shoulders.

"Do you want to start the interview now or later?" Lisa asked me.

"Now" I said. "Get it done while they do my hair"

Lisa and Adrian looked to each other.

"Girl, you know I'm not going outside unless I need to" Adrian said to her.

Lisa sighed. She turned around, walking out of the trailer.

"Have fun outside!" Adrian said, sarcastically.

"Shut it!" Lisa said.

Four Hours Later.

"One more photo . . ." Adrian said, dragging himself into the trailer. "One more photo and we're done with this heat and never get to see it again"

"And the less time you keep blocking me from moving, the more time we do stay here" I said, passing him in the trailer.

Marinette, Ralph and Celine came into the trailer after us. Lisa, who was inside the trailer for the remainder of the shoot, was already in the trailer. I sat down next to her, taking off the heels I was wearing.

"Your brother, Harry and Felix called you" Lisa said to me.

"How about this one?" Adrian asked me, holding up a black Gautier dress.

"If I can get into it and out of it, why-" I stopped talking and looked to Lisa. "Felix called?"

"And he left you a message" Lisa said.

"When?" I asked her. "You didn't answer?"

"Of course, I didn't answer!" Lisa said. "I didn't want anything to distract you. It was less than thirty minutes ago"

"Where's my phone?" I asked her, getting up while wearing only one heel on.

"In your bag" Lisa said.

"Can you give Y/N a minute?" Adrian asked Marinette, Celine and Ralph. "Or ten?"

"Call us when you're ready" Marinette said before leaving the trailer.

Celine and Ralph followed her out. I took my phone out of my bag, looking at the screen.

Felix(Voicemail)

Felix(Missed Call)

Daniel (Missed Call)

Harry (Missed Call)

Felix called. Felix actually called.

Felix, my ex-boyfriend and once was the love of my life, called me. We rarely talked after our painful breakup but we only called each other when it was important. The last I called him was two months ago, to tell him there was some songs on my album about him. The last time he called me was more than a year ago.

I unlocked my phone and went to my voicemails. I pressed on Felix's name and held my phone up to my ear.

"Hi Y/N" I heard Felix say in a bitter tone. "I called you, hoping we could talk. I should have expected you not to answer. I know you're probably rehearsing or doing an interview now but . . . call when you can. Bye"

I removed my phone from my ear. Adrian and Lisa, who both looked anxious, stared at me.

"What did he want?" Adrian asked me.

"I don't know" I said, feeling a bit scared now. "He said to call him back when I can"

"Don't call him now please" Lisa said. "I know you. One bad call from him and you'll be upset for the rest of today"

"Gotta side with Lisa on this one" Adrian said. "Something tells me this is going to be bad and it's not the five bottles of water in me"

"But it's Felix" I said. "He never calls me. I usually call him"

"So, what are you going to do?" Adrian asked me.

I looked down at my phone.

Felix, the person who I almost had a baby with. Felix, the person who made me happier than anyone has before. Felix, the person who I swore I would marry one day and spend the rest of my life with. Felix, who I needed to call back.

I clicked on his name, holding my phone up to my ear again. The phone rang, each beat making me dread what I would hear from him.

Was he sick? Did he get into an accident? Did he want to get back together? There was only a few reasons he could call, each could be worse than the one before.

"Y/N" I heard Felix say my name as it was the first time.

"Felix" I said, my cheeks blushing a little. "H-hi"

"Hi" Felix said.

"Sorry, I couldn't answer you earlier" I told him. "I'm in the middle of a photoshoot"

"It's alright" Felix said. "Always knew you were up to something when you never could answer my calls"

I smiled to myself. Adrian looked to Lisa, not knowing what to expect.

"So, I guess you didn't call to check up on me" I said.

"No, no, I didn't" Felix said in that same melancholy voice I heard before.

Felix stayed quiet for a few seconds, debating how to tell me his news.

"I've been seeing someone" He said. "It's serious, almost a year"

"Oh, really?" I asked, trying to sound excited for him.

I had a feeling deep down that Felix was going to tell me he was engaged.

"Yeah . . ." Felix said. "And we're expecting. She's pregnant"

I didn't say anything for a few seconds. I felt a little sharp pain in my chest.

"Umm, that's great news" I said, trying not to sound hurt. "I'm happy for you"

"Thank you" Felix said, sounding a bit hurt.

I felt my eyes start to tear up.

"Umm, I have to go. Got another photo to shoot" I told him. "Send my congrats to her too"

"I will" Felix said. "Bye, Y/N"

"Bye" I said, hanging up on him.

I set my phone down on the vanity table nearby. I looked to Adrian and Lisa.

"I take it as bad news" Adrian said.

"No, no" I said, fighting back my tears. "It's great. He's been dating someone for a year and now she's pregnant"

Adrian and Lisa looked to each other, sharing a worried expression.

"I should be happy" I said, trying to stop myself from crying. "Because if I was still with him, I wouldn't have an album out. I would be stuck at home taking care of the baby and not be on tour. I should be happy, right?"

I looked to Lisa, hoping for her to calm me down. I sat down on the couch, burying my head in my hands as I cried.

He was having a baby with someone else. I was supposed to have a baby. His baby. I knew this day would come and we both would eventually get married and have Kids with other people but now? Two years after we lost our baby. I may be oversensitive sometimes but how can someone get over losing a baby that fast? How could he move on that fast? I was depressed for a year and a part of me still is hurting from losing my baby. Hell, it even took me another year just to move on from Felix and date someone else.

She should be me. I was supposed to be her.

I felt someone sit on the couch next to me. I figured it was Lisa from the touch of her hugging me.

"I know it's hard to move on" Lisa said. "But you have to try"

"I've been trying" I told her. "As hard as I do, I'll always think back to him. Us"

"Here" I heard Adrian say.

"Take" Lisa said, putting a tissue in my hand.

I lifted my head up, seeing my tears fall onto my dress. I dried my tears with the tissue, smearing the running mascara on my cheeks.

"I'm happy for him" I said. "I'm really am and I know everything happens for a reason but that should have been me. . . It should have"

"It should" Lisa said. "You're right, it should be you but it's not"

"Nice prep talk" We heard Adrian murmur under his breath.

Lisa looked at him, sending him a death glare. She looked back to me.

"You'll be happy again" Lisa said. "With someone who truly deserves you. It's only a matter of time"

I sniffled, trying to get a hold of my emotions. I dried my face with the tissue again. I looked down on my dress, looking at the stained teardrops on it. I slightly smiled. I looked back up to Lisa.

"Thank you" I said to Lisa. "I think I have to buy this dress. I've stained it"

"You should" Adrian said. "It suits you"

I smiled at him, nodding.

"Can you tell Mari and them to come back?" I asked Adrian.

"Are you sure?" Lisa asked. "You shouldn't do anything unless you feel ready yet"

"I am ready" I told her, taking off my other shoe. "It's a hundred degrees outside. My crying could wait but they can't"

Adrian walked out the trailer. I got up, walking to the vanity table. I took some makeup removal wipes from a pack and started to remove the wet mascara on my face.

"We could quit for the rest of the day if you want" Lisa said. "I could call it off"

"I'm fine" I said. "Not that fine but . . . I could make it through one more photo. I'm lucky to be here. I'm not going to let one bad moment ruin it for me"

Lisa nodded. She was about to speak but Adrian quickly entered the trailer with Marinette, Celine and Ralph.

"One last photo" Adrian said. "Just one more"

[ceealaina]

Title: Why Can't I Be You (Or: Aww, Paperwork) Collaborator Name: ceealaina Card Number: 3088 Link: AO3 Square Filled: S4 - Kate Bishop/Hawkeye Ship: Gen (Minor Background Stony) Rating: Teen Major Tags: Humor, Misunderstandings Summary: When Clint has to go away on a deep cover mission, he doesn’t hesitate to name Kate as his replacement on the Avengers roster. But when he forgets to, you know, actually submit the paperwork, misunderstandings and confusion ensue. (Not quite 616 and not quite MCU, but some fun hybrid of the two.) Word Count: 2257

When Clint found out about his three-month deep-cover mandatory assignment with SHIELD, he didn’t hesitate to designate Kate as his official temporary replacement on the Avengers roster. He’d been mentoring her for just over two years now, and while he’d never say it to her face, she’d probably stopped needing the mentoring just under two years ago. Kate was phenomenal, confident and competent and with his same penchant for disgustingly sugary breakfast cereal. Really, the only problem he could see was somebody (Tony) getting funny ideas about making his temporary replacement a little more permanent. It was an absolutely flawless plan. 

Except, of course, that while Clint had many talents, paperwork was not one of them. And as such, he forgot to actually designate Kate as his replacement. 

Clint had only been gone a few days before the next call to assemble had come in, and since it was a frequent occurrence for Clint to disappear off to BedStuy and/or the vents during their downtime, nobody had really questioned not seeing him around the tower. 

Tony was flying over Chelsea Market (there was a reason that the Avengers were based in New York, and it wasn’t just the late-night dining options), trying to figure out their best bet for dealing with the giant starfish… things they were fighting back into the ocean when something caught his eye and he stopped dead, hovering a few feet away from a rooftop. Everyone knew that Clint’s favourite colour was purple, and he certainly couldn’t imagine anyone else wearing a purple jumpsuit with hip cutouts -- especially not while wielding a bow and arrow -- but that was as far  as the resemblance went. The figure on the rooftop was decidedly more feminine than Tony remembered Barton being, moving with easy, lithe movements that were a far cry from Clint’s normal blend of competent dumbassery. 

He was so focused on this strange newcomer that he nearly missed the giant sea urchin headed his way until all of a sudden there were spines on his arm and a huge sucking hole almost right in his face. Tony made a disgusted noise because that mouth thing was disturbing on a level he couldn’t even examine. But before he could form any kind of attack response, an arrow was flying past him, missing his shoulder by millimeters to embed itself right in the centre of the sea urchins mouth hole thing, sending it rolling off in the other direction. Tony turned in time to see the woman on the roof throw him a saucy salute that was all Clint. 

“Okay,” Tony said to no one in particular. “Sure.”

Throwing himself back into the fray, Tony searched out Steve on the battlefield below and then switched over to a private line. 

“Uh, hey honey,” he said, shooting a repulsor blast at the same time. “Can I hum in your ear a second?” 

Steve’s sigh was weary. “Tony, I’ve told you before. No sexting on the battlefield.” 

“Technically it’s not sexting if we’re speaking to each other,” Tony couldn’t help pointing out. “Also, I want you to know that somewhere there’s an alternate universe where I’m married to Rhodey, and he lets me talk dirty in his ear anytime.”

“Tony.”

 “Right. No, not it’s not that. Uh, your three o’clock. You seeing what I’m seeing?” 

He watched as Steve turned in the direction he had pointed out, and then winced as the shield went flying into the giant L of the Google sign, shattering the lower part of it. 

“Shit,” Steve cursed, shifting position to retrieve it. “Is that…?”

“Clint?” Tony supplied. “Lady Clint? I’ve got no idea, but I’ve got a really bad feeling that the answer to that is a resounding yes.” 

Steve cursed under his breath again, launching himself at another one of the sea monsters. “Okay,” he said, and Tony was only a little resentful that he didn’t even sound winded. “Let’s just… Deal with this, and then we’ll deal with that.” 

***

Kate swung down from the fire escape, sticking the landing perfectly. Her heart was still pounding with adrenaline in the best way. This wasn’t her first fight, obviously, but there was a big difference between helping Clint take out the tracksuit mafia and a full-scale Avengers mission against… Well, she still wasn’t sure what those things had been but it didn't matter. That had been incredible.

Abruptly she stopped as she realized that Captain America and Iron Man were standing at the entrance to the alley, watching. She took a moment to steady herself, because holy shit, these were the Avengers waiting for her to join them (and yes, okay, technically Clint was an Avenger too, but that was different) and drew in a deep breath before striding forward with as much confidence as she could muster. 

“Hi,” she said, thrusting her hand forward. Her dad had been an asshole, but he’d still impressed on her the importance of a strong handshake. “I’m the new and improved Hawkeye.”

There was a sound from Iron Man that may have been a snort, and then his faceplate was rolling back to reveal sparkling eyes and wow. Older dudes weren’t really her thing, but the tabloids did not do him justice. 

“Sure,” he said, taking her hand in his own metal grip. “Nice to meet you.” 

Beside him, Captain America rolled his eyes. “Hilarious,” he said dryly. 

Kate hesitated a moment, a little hurt that he wouldn’t even shake her hand, but tried to tell herself that maybe he was still in post-mission mode, and all business business. Or maybe he was just a dick, but she felt like Clint would have mentioned that at some point. Steve seemed to confirm her first thought when, a beat later, he was pressing a hand against Iron Man’s back, steering him back toward the street. 

“Come on, let’s just get back to the Tower, so we can sort this all out.” He glanced over at Tony, a little more fondness in his voice. “You gonna make me fill out your action report too?” 

“Obviously,” Tony told him.

Steve glanced back at Kate, and this time she could see he was smiling a little. “I hope you don’t think this means you’re getting out of doing your paperwork.” 

“I… Wasn’t,” she told him, still a little confused. Captain America might not have been the dick that he’d first appeared to be, but she had the feeling that she was missing something very important here. 

Tony and Steve talked the whole way to the Quinjet, some hybrid of tactical discussion and friendly bickering that left Kate to follow a step behind them. Occasionally there’d be a moment of silence as they’d wait for her input, but truthfully Kate was only humming in agreement to words she hadn’t heard, still a little in awe that she was working with the actual Avengers. When they reached the jet Tony had clapped Steve on the shoulder and told him he’d meet him back home, apparently flying back to the tower under his own power. He’d taken a step back, faceplate coming down, and then he stilled. 

“Hey, great work today, by the way. You handled that insanely well.” 

“Uh.” Kate looked around, sure that he must be talking to Steve again, but Steve was already several feet away, talking to the Falcon, and the faceplate was pointed in her direction. “Thank you!” she told him, feeling her heart skip a beat at the idea that Iron Man was complimenting her. “You know, I was a little worried when I saw they were giant sea urchins, cause like. What? But it wasn’t so bad!” 

“Well yeah, but that’s just Avenger life. With your whole… Situation though.”

“Uhhh.” 

The faceplate came back up, and Tony stepped in closer, lowering his voice to presumably keep any of the SHIELD agents milling about from listening in. “Seriously. I know Steve said we’d figure this out back at the tower, but you’ve gotta be freaking out a little. How are you holding up?” 

Kate blinked at him. “With what?” 

Tony gestured vaguely at her body, and while Kate was getting over the weirdness of Tony Stark pointing out her boobs, he arched an eyebrow at her. “Seriously, Clint. Are you okay?” 

“Oh!” Kate’s eyes went wide as she suddenly realized what was going on. She didn’t know how, or why, but for some reason they didn’t think she was Clint’s replacement. They thought she was Clint. Somehow. It didn’t make sense to her, but she supposed for the Avengers, stranger things had happened. 

Then panic caught up with her as she realized what they meant. If they thought she was Clint, they couldn’t have been expecting her at all. What would happen if they found out she was holding Clint’s spot on her team? Would they decide she wasn’t good enough, wasn’t experienced enough? Would they make her leave? That panic was the only excuse for the words that came out of her mouth next. 

“Yes,” she said, with a slightly hysterical laugh. “Yes. I, Clint Barton, have turned into a woman.” 

She regretted it immediately, because wow Bishop, way to dig yourself into a whole, but she couldn’t stop giggling. This whole situation was just too ridiculous. 

“Right.” Tony was looking a little concerned, and like maybe he regretted bringing this up here. He settled a hand on her shoulder. “Well, try not to panic,” he told her. “This isn’t the weirdest thing that’s happened, right? We’ll figure it out.” 

“Right,” Kate said, clearing her throat and fighting to get herself under control. “Sorry, I just… Had a moment, but I’m fine. Really, it’s not even that bad. Being a woman is pretty awesome.” 

Tony grinned back at her, looking relieved. “Well, don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re so much more competent since you turned into a girl?” 

Kate started laughing again, digging around for her cell phone. “I’m sorry,” she choked out, trying to thumb open the camera app. “Can you say that again?” 

***

A few days later, and Kate was living a life of many regrets. At first, it had been hilarious as it had been ridiculous. She just assumed that wouldn’t be long before someone had a moment of “wait a minute, that’s clearly not Clint,” but that moment hadn’t arrived. 

Thor hadn’t even blinked at the announcement that Clint was a woman now, shrugging and asking in his big booming voice (because holy shit, he was the actual god of thunder and wow, did he look like it) if ‘humans didn’t just change physical genders sometimes, you know?’ And the round of blank stares he’d just shrugged again and informed them that Loki did it all the time, like that somehow made it normal. 

And, to be fair, Kate probably hadn’t helped things when they’d ordered pizza, and she started interacting with the deaf delivery driver in sign language, but really. Was she supposed to just ignore her?

But now she was stuck. She was in too deep, and didn’t know how she was even going to begin to explain that Surprise! She wasn’t Clint at all, she had just been letting them think that for three days now, because she was a lunatic, apparently. 

(She was also trying very hard not to be offended that nobody had figured it out. She loved Clint like a brother, but that didn’t mean she wanted to be him.)

Luckily, as it turned out, Kate didn’t have to explain herself at all. She was sitting in the enormous common kitchen area (the novelty of living in Avengers Tower not having worn off at all) trying to soothe her growing panic with an enormous bowl of Lucky Charms that she’d pulled from the cupboard, ignoring the warning of ‘CLINT’S ONLY. DO NOT TOUCH’ written in big, bold, Sharpie letters across the front. Then the door swung open, sharp footsteps entering the room. 

“Alright, Barton. What’s this I hear about you managing to turn yourself into a woman?”

Kate looked up with wide eyes, watching as Natasha walked into the room, flanked on either side by Tony and Steve. “Uh. Hi, Nat!”

Nat took one look at Kate and her guilty smile and rolled. “I am surrounded by idiots,” she announced. 

And that was the end of Kate’s career as Clint-Hawkeye. (But not, thankfully, the end of her career as an Avengers.)

Epilogue

It was another two weeks before Clint was able to come back on comms long to call and check in to see how she was doing. When Kate told him everything that had happened (because if she didn’t, someone would, and it would probably Deadpool, and it would just be much, much better if it came from her) Clint had laughed for five minutes straight. 

“I feel like I should be insulted that they didn’t even blink over the idea that I got myself turned into a woman,” he told her, still chuckling every few words. “But it’s so funny that I really can’t be.” 

“You’re insulted?” Kate retorted. “I spent three days with everybody just assuming I was you.”

“Yes,” Clint agreed, not even slightly offended. “That is definitely worse.” 

“Hey,” Kate said after a moment of comfortable silence. “How come you never gave me a heads up that Captain America and Iron Man are dating?” 

From the other end of the phone, there was a spluttering, choking, coughing sound. 

“I’m sorry, Captain America and Iron Man are what now?”

@tonystarkbingo

[blankdblank]

Not a Boot

@deepestfirefun​ - it’s late and i’m miserable, couldn’t sleep, hope you like this :D

…

Adam Lambert - For Your Entertainment lyrics used

...

Singing to yourself you opened the box of cold medicine you pushed one of the tablets free of to then pop between your lips and swallow with a swig of water. Bearing through the aching of your body and the end of your fever you were coming off of on yet another trip to the toilet after your near gallon of water today. Hoping that the tune would somehow make the meds kick in faster.

So hot

Out the box

Can you pick up the pace?

In a slide out of the bathroom you eyed the normal set up for your online videos, small cartoons of your own making you posted on your website about any and everything, how you made your living, tiny bit ridiculous to some. But still getting a job with a serious company required experience, and training, both of which you were lacking and forcing yourself by practice, practice, practice. Faceless to the world you entertained literally millions of followers and were finally getting some slap in the face offers from actual networks to put a full ‘professional’ team on a few of your stories. Yet they were offers all the same and you knew more were sure to follow.

 Turn it up

Heat it up

I need to be entertained

 The latest offer coming on the heels of some surprising tabloid fodder you were certain was part of your fever. A five page add with your face in a few passing pictures entering the lavish hotel a few minutes before one of the Ereborean Princes, Dwalin Durin. Not a direct heir but cousin to the third in line, Crown Prince Thorin. Serious, broad, bold, adventurous and downright delectable in every way from his tailored suits and surprisingly fitting hairstyle with both sides of his head shaved and the center in thick beaded braids. Usually off in the world exploring between his competitive water polo team games that had him off to represent the country in the last games to victory alongside two of his cousins, Crown Prince Thorin and Prince Frerin.

Not ten minutes after you had been seen leaving, an outstanding sundress clad woman in the sea of suit wearing men bustling in and out, the Prince left as well leaving for some assumptions to be made of a hidden affair the crown was hiding from the public.

It was laughable, but the image of pretending to have a lunch alone with the stunning Prince adoringly scattered in your episodes, along with other royals, who all loved their respectably humorous roles in them, it was tempting and almost painful to have lost out on without having had the chance.

 Push the limit

Are you with it?

Baby, don't be afraid

I'm a hurt 'ya real good, baby

 Turning from the cutout you eyed the clip you pressed of the Elf King in his cameo on your show, dancing in a top hat, cane and tails with shimmering cape in a sea of ents as a comment on his new forest path plan. Conservation and a promise to plant 500,000 new saplings this year to replace the portion they had to do a preventive burn to ready for the expected heat wave on the tail end of a bout of bad storms. You agreed fully, and in the comic had added a banner with the info on how others could help he surely would appreciate the help and attention for it in a more entertaining way than a press conference.

 Let's go

It's my show

Baby, do what I say

Don't trip off the glitz

That I'm gonna display

I told ya

I'm a hold ya down until you're amazed

Give it to ya 'til you're screaming my name

 Still the tabloid was on your mind and saving your clip and work you closed out of feeling the drowsiness amping up again you smacked your lips craving fruit and pulled up the site for your favorite fruit baskets and you scrolled through. And that was all you could remember before waking up the next morning in your bed under a mess of covers and painful tingling as you’d slept wrong on two limbs you groaned through their awakening debating if you truly needed them.

 No escaping when I start

Once I'm in I own your heart

There's no way you'll ring the alarm

So hold on until it's over

 ***

Grumbling from a sore post workout lounging session at the doorbell sounding Dwalin closed his eyes for a moment hearing the head guard approaching the door after closing the door to the living room he was in. From the security check at the front gate and the next at the gate for the cottage he shared with the young Princes across from the one housing Princes Dis and her husband Vili and two small boys on the lavish Palace grounds in the center of Erebor the teen carrying the delivery had arrived terribly nervous from the ordeal to grin widely at the next guard he encountered. A medium sized fruit bouquet along with a manila folder, all of which had been confirmed that it was fully sealed and not tampered with while the documents inside the checked and copied. The original remained with the main guards at the Palace for further inspection while the copies of the message had been passed on for delivery.

 Oh, do you know what you got into?

Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?

'Cause it's about to get rough for you

I'm here for your entertainment

 Through the now open door the box was carried and the seal broken for unveiling the plastic dome encased and wrapped fruit bouquet that had the trio of Princes inching closer to. Glancing up at the guard Thorin asked, “Gran is upping her demands on fruit intake?”

The guard shook his head stating, “No, your highness, special delivery for Prince Dwalin.” The folder was passed over making his brows furrow in thanking the guard who bowed his head and retreated from the room while the brothers moved to sit beside their cousin.

Instantly a smirk eased across his lips seeing the folded letter with writing across the front of it clearly feminine he read aloud, “To the Dashing, ooh, dashing.” That made the brothers chuckle around him and bump his arms with theirs, “Dashing Prince Dwalin.”

Opening the letter he cleared his throat and read in a curious tone, “Truly a pity for the children’s sake that we have never met. Hope you enjoyed your lunch, mine was perfectly mundane.” In a turn of the note over he asked, “What the-..?” Peering into the folder he pulled out the copy of a section of the tabloid sent along with it, and let out a chuckle reading the title under the title under the pictures set side by side of you and the Prince having some secret affair with the sweater held against your belly alluding to a hidden baby. Across the final page there was a heart and the runes he read out, “When we are old and grey, look back and say, it wasn’t a boot, she bought me some fruit.”

In a loud laugh Frerin says, “At least it rhymes.”

Thorin laughed out, “Downright adorable, cousin.”

Dwalin shook his head, “At least she has a sense of humor about it.”

Frerin stole a glance seeing Dwalin looking at your picture again then said, “Perhaps Gran might allow you to meet her.”

At that Dwalin couldn’t help but smirk to himself and set the papers aside to start sampling on the food making him rumble out, “She certainly won’t object her choice of snack to deliver.”

 Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet

'Ya thought an angel swept you off ya feet

But I'm about to turn up the heat

I'm here for your entertainment

 ***

A doorbell had you groaning and lazily swinging your leg over in a turn to plant your foot on the side of your bed in a climb to your feet. Under your breath you mumbled, “Why, why is someone at my door? I know no one, no one knows me. Who is spoiling my perfectly dreadful lounging evening?”

Unlocking the door you swung it open and on the other side of it for some inexplicable reason you let out a shriek and slammed the door in the face of the Royal Messenger now wide eyed with his head tilted slightly when you cracked the door open again with your hand over your mouth and you cleared your throat, “I apologize. You did not deserve that. I just woke up, sorry, yes? Do you need directions?”

With a hint of a smirk he replied, “No, Miss Pear. I am here to pass on a message.”

“A-, for me? Is this about the dancing penguin episode?”

With a playful smirk he reached into his pocket and passed you a sealed envelope with a telling orange bag, accepting the envelope he nodded his head at the envelope, “I was tasked to ensure you opened the pair of them.”

“Ah,” in a glance at the row of photographers on the sidewalk outside your stoop then stepped back, in a glance through the front hall he stepped forward and let you close the door and set the bag down on the chest beside the door to break the seal on the envelope.

“Miss Pear,

I must say it was a pleasant surprise to have received your gift and message. Lunch was tolerable, work as usual. If you are free Thursday at eleven. Hope you enjoy the gift, pictures were a bit unfocused, to help find you.

The ‘Dashing’ Prince Dwalin.”

Inhaling sharply you felt your face turning red as you mumbled, “I sent a gift, to the Prince,” turning around you hurried through the archway on your right to start the search for your phone only to head for your laptop catching a glimpse of the Guard peeking in at you pulling up your email and confirmation of the message you had added to the delivery of fruit making you smooth your hands over your face. “I can only imagine what I wrote.”

In a groan you popped up and made your way back to the front hall where you flashed the Guard another grin and went to peer into the bag and pull out a periwinkle cardigan luring a pitiful squeak from you when you noticed the brand on the buttons and label.

Looking up at him you asked, “Seriously? This is a loaner or something?”

He shook his head, “No, it is yours to keep. I am to ask if you are free?”

“I-, yes?”

With a nod he stated, “A car will be around to fetch you. Enjoy your day, Miss Pear.”

In a whisper you replied, “You too,” watching him move to step out through your front door holding in his chuckles only to pause asking, “This is like a dress thing?” His brow inched up, “If you know, would this be a wear a dress thing?”

“That would probably be a safe bet.” Earning a nod from you along with soft thanks he nodded to in return while closing the door behind him finally freeing his chuckle while you turned to head to your closet to see if you had anything nice while also being casual.

 *

It's alright

You'll be fine

Baby, I'm in control

 “Your Highness, Miss Pear is free on Thursday.”

Turning to face the Guard he grinned and asked as the brothers grouped around him and he asked, “What did she say? Precisely.”

In a chuckle the Guard asked, “The very first thing?” Dwalin nodded and he said, “Miss Pear, shrieked at me.” Making their brows shoot up, “And slammed the door.” In his chuckle he continued, “Then promptly opened the door to apologize saying I didn’t deserve that and she had just woken up. Asked if I needed directions.” The grins on the Princes grew as he shared the rest of the encounter.

Frerin, “She was uncertain of what she had sent?”

The guard nodded, “She did not seem hung over,” answering their question, “I did notice cold remedies on her coffee table.”

In a chuckle Thorin said, “That explains it. Stirring a fever in the poor Lass.”

Dwalin couldn’t help but chuckle saying, “Perhaps we should send some soup as well?” Looking to his cousins who chuckled again and went to help him pick his clothes.

 Take the pain

Take the pleasure

I'm the master of both

 More days of painful practice to ready for the first match of the season and more than usual he was nervous for it because you would be there. Surely thanks to the soup and other herbal remedies you were sure to be fully mended and able to sit through the match comfortably as well as dinner after if you agreed to it. Exhaling steadily he shook his hands and finished fixing his hair and beard back into their usual beaded braids before heading to join is cousins off to the pre match meeting.

 Close your eyes

Not your mind

Let me into your soul

I'm a work it 'til you're totally blown

*

With lips parted you saw you were off to the stadium around the official pool for a water polo match. Internally you were excited to see a full match in person only to have seen clips of the sport before. Right to the boxed off set of stands up next to the home side you were led and found yourself alone mumbling internally, “Great, lovely time.” Glancing up to see the box of cameramen photographing you and pointing as if they had recognized you. Eyes followed their attention and brushing the skirt against your thighs on the navy blue dress fully covering your chest with capped sleeves hidden under the open periwinkle cardigan was hard to miss. As were the stockings you had on sheer from your waist to mid thigh then pitch black down to your heeled velour black booties when you crossed your legs. A tilt of your head had the long raven curls eased over your chest to smooth your fingers through it ignoring the flashes making your purple eyes flash brighter luring more and more when the tip of a pointed ear came into view.

All at once the stands erupted in the entrance of the teams, and in the filing to their seats on your right you caught the eye of the Prince now, after a stunned moment of staring with a smirk on his face at your quick flinch of a wave he chuckled at then glanced between his cousins hanging over him commenting on you.

 No escaping when I start

Once I'm in I own your heart

There's no way you'll ring the alarm

So hold on until it's over

Run ragged and trying not to focus on how you were taking the match finally they won and to his discovery from Thorin you had kept biting your lip and cheek, while Frerin said you had seemed a bit slow on reacting to the match making them assume you weren’t that well versed in the game. A welcome discovery where he could teach you and share his passion for the sport you might come to love too. Only in their filing out a glance back had him noticing your own path heading up the steps again stirring up a few moments of panic until through the guards waiting in the locker room he heard you had gone to the bathroom.

 Oh, do you know what you got into?

Can you handle what I'm 'bout to do?

'Cause it's about to get rough for you

I'm here for your entertainment

 The message was passed on and brought back to a private area back by the locker rooms no doubt for meeting fans or officials. Up at the pictures on the wall you smirked tracing back the history only to have your head shift at the sound of the door creaking. When your head turned however suddenly your hands clasped over your mouth in a shriek making the same Guard from earlier snicker and glance up for a moment to keep from crying when you lowered your hands to say in a shake of your head, “I did not just scream in your face.”

His brows inched up, “Oh you didn’t? My mistake then, Miss Pear.” Smiling wider at you.

“Nope, full respectful curtsy and formal greeting.”

“A lovely one it was too.” He chuckled out feeling his cousins watching him from the door behind you beaming at the blush on your ears.

“Thank you, for the sweater, and the soups, and herbs. And in my defense of the note I was on some very strong cough medicine.” In the deepening of his gaze into yours seeing the silver flecks trapped inside your eyes and random silver hairs woven into your tight curls helping to make your hair shimmer you asked, “What did I write?”

Shaking his head he replied playfully, “I think I might keep that to myself. But I did admire the poem.”

“Oh I didn’t!”

In a chuckle he nodded, “You did.”

In a momentary press of your palm to your cheek you mumbled, “I’m dreadful with poems.”

He chuckled again looking you over then said, “I have a table reserved if you wanted to join me for dinner. And no need to enter separately.” In the twitch of your brow upwards he added, “Come on, for the kids.”

“Kids?”

He chuckled again asking, “I have to ask, how often do you end up sending gifts to Nobles.”

After a nip of your lip you answered, “Never.”

“Oh really, and what would your parents think?”

You shrugged, “For mom, probably be glad to hear of something other than school or nappies. Not counting hearing about Dad’s day in office.”

Making his brow inch up, “What does he do?”

“He’s Thain,” in his moments pause you said, “Hobbitons don’t have Kings, we have Thains. They’re elected but my family’s been in office for sixty three generations.”

“Oh, shouldn’t you have a guard then?”

“Well, I have 13 sisters and 6 brothers,” dropping his jaw, “with another on the way, doubt we have enough security for us all. Besides, I’m the well behaved one.”

At that he chuckled again, “I bet.” In a shift on his feet his hand motioned to the side, “Dinner?” After your quick nod the brothers rushed away and hid for your walk out to head to the waiting car and the photographers waiting to capture every moment. While all he could think of was how badly he wanted to kiss that blush back onto your cheeks.

 Oh, I bet you thought that I was soft and sweet

'Ya thought an angel swept ya off your feet

Well I'm about to turn up the heat

I'm here for your entertainment

Pt 2

[fanfux]

The Start Of Something

The heroes are auctioned off to the highest bidder for 24 Hours! 

A/N: Hey, hi, welcome! This is the first piece of fanfic I've written in a while. It’s the first piece of fanfic I've written on this side, so i’m kinda nervous. I know my writing style’s kinda whack, but that’s what practice is for! Feel free to clown, but please be gentle.

The repurposed library was awfully empty, considering the charity event had already started. People milled around in the lobby, talking to friends or scrolling on their phones. Sighing,Casey pushed the double-doors of the main hall open and immediately saw why everything was so sparse.Half the decorations weren’t up. The food bar was practically empty. Barely any staff were present. Most importantly, none of the advertised heroes were up; it was a bunch of b-listers and sidekicks. The audience looked to be filled with small time reporters, small business owners and community leaders. Looking back, the flyer did mention that the wildly popular heroes, like Deku and Red Riot would be on in the afternoon. No excuse not to get a good seat, though. Finding a place, they plopped down and began catching up on some neglected manga. 

It was already 11 am and Casey was well into the third main arc of their new favourite manga. Not many people had shown up, and the ones that did immediately left after seeing the state of the room and who was being auctioned off.  Next to them was a plate of some of the bleeding fruit and a cold bagel, with some barely-warm and over sweetened coffee that they snagged from the paltry spread the event staff put out. Their immersion was suddenly broken with the announcement of a name they’d been waiting to hear. A quick glance around the room showed nobody in the room seemed particularly interested, but one of the store-owners seemed to be considering it. Casey tried to hide the tremble in their hands when they lifted the betting paddle. It went once, twice, thrice and was sold. The auctioneer went onto the next hero, and Casey tried to steady their excitement.

The warm, midday summer sun baked Casey’s legs through their jeans. Heat radiated off the hoods of the cars. They were leaned up against the outside lobby of the building, anxiously tapping out the rhythm of a song they couldn’t clearly remember. Their eyes darted over the faces of the people milling in the lobby, looking for the person they betted on. It’d gotten much more crowded, and the place looked much nicer; Cutouts, posters and banners were plastered along the walls, and people posed for pictures with mascots. Vendors were selling merchandise as well. Casey was clutching a small plastic bag, with a smiling chibi Deku on it. Finally, they found the person they were looking for. A smile spread across their face, and they waved to get the person’s attention. The pro-hero noticed and made his way over, and wow he was tall. None of the posters or camera angles did him justice. He looked like he could match All Might in height! Casey stopped their wandering eyes and focused on the hero’s slightly off-put gaze.

“Um… hello? Tentacole?”

“ Hey, You can just call me Shoji for now” one of his appendages said. You’re Casey, aren’t you?”

They trilled nervously. “Uh, yeah! Do you um, wanna get going?”

 The hero made a motion of agreement, so Casey pivoted and headed towards the door, moving way too fast, but the guy was like, two feet taller than them, so it’s not like he’d have trouble keeping up and there he was, keeping pace, not even bothered.

Right. Now wasn’t the time to be freaking out. They had twenty four blessed hours ahead of him with this man, and it was mission imperative to keep calm.

They were two blocks from the event centre before anything happened. Shoji was the one to break the silence.

“Um...pardon, but where are we going?”

They stopped and turned around to look at him. He shifted his weight from one leg to the next, a sign of uncertainty.

“...The grocer’s? I gotta get a couple things right quick.” they paused.” Something wrong?” They fiddled with the flimsy bag in their hand.

“Nah, just kinda curious, you didn’t really say anything.”

“ Oh, sorry. Do you want me to talk? I tend to ramble, though.”

“You’re all good.” His appendage mouth smiled. 

Casey did their best to relax.

“ Umm, okay! Cool.” They smiled and did their best to relax.

For the next two blocks and five minute bus ride, Casey talked about… everything and nothing. Movies, manga, the latest hero drama and international mess were all extensively elaborated on. Shoji quipped in here or there with the odd tidbit here or there, but it was mostly all Casey. 

Finally, they arrived at the grocery store. The odd pair mulled about the isles, Casey goofing off occasionally, to the amusement of their companion. They cashed out and left, with Shoji carrying all the bags, despite their protests.

“Your place next, right?” Shoji cocked his head. “ I’m sure you don’t plan on carrying these around with you all day.”

“Yeah! It’s just down the street from here, actually. Really convenient and close to work.”

“Must have been a steal.” 

The pair set out once more, with Casey leading the way.

“Not really? It’s kinda run down and full of shady people but I promise it doesn’t look like shit on the inside and all the tenants are really nice! You probably shouldn't look at them for too long, though.”

“Oh. Um. I don’t know how I feel about that.”

They snorted. “ Relax. It’s not like they’re all Yakuza. I think.”

 Shoji shot them a side-eye. “ I don’t want our next reunion to be when I’m breaking your door down.”

Casey laughed and unlocked the door. The apartment wasn’t that bad, to Shoji’s eyes, just kinda old. It certainly showed in the decor and architecture. He eyed the place, and tried to not notice the keycode Casey was punching in.

 _____

Casey’s apartment could be mistaken for a miniature nature display. It was covered wall to wall in plants and replica animals and insects. The pro-hero admired the decor while Casey unpacked. His trance was broken when they called for him from the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway; there was a spread of ingredients on the counter and his handler was in the middle of tying an apron around their waist. They looked up, startling slightly.

“Hey! Um, wanna bake some stuff with me? It’ll be fun, and I kinda know what i’m doing.”

Slightly confused, Shoji entered the small kitchen and let Casey put an apron on him. They began the process, with Casey directing and Shoji following their lead. The pair worked wordlessly, with the scraping of utensils and the quiet jazz mellowing to create a comfortable atmosphere. The brunette was greasing a large bowl before he spoke again.

“This is nice, not at all what I expected to happen.”

Casey tilted their head towards him.

“I was told that- uh, to expect something different than, uh...this.” He motioned to the counter and  swallowed thickly. There was a beat before his partner replied.

“You mean they told you to expect to-”

“Yeah. That.” He tossed the damp tea towel over the bowl and pushed it to the side and Casey nearly choked on their spit.

“Oh! Nononono, I’m not into that kinda thing. You’re good, fam.”

He shrugged in response, but visibly relaxed. Casey continued.

“You mean that people bid on y’all with the intention of doing that? Is that even allowed?”

He shrugged. “ There was a contingency plan for anyone feeling the need to perform a task outside of the norm, so I guess? I wouldn’t be surprised. Have you seen twitter lately?”

Casey shuddered. “Sacrilege.”

___

The baking goods filled the small space with a wonderful smell. Shoji was sprawled out on the too-small couch, playing Breath of the Wild on a Switch that wasn’t his, while the owner was hunched over a small table, completely immersed in a piece of art. ‘ It’s supposed to be abstract’ was what Casey said ‘but i can’t seem to really get a proper grasp on abstraction, if that makes any sense’. Shoji thought it was plenty abstract. The window was open, and the cool summer breeze wafted into the apartment. The pro hero was finding it harder and harder to stay awake. 

“Um” he started “ Not to ah, look a gift horse in the mouth, because it’s been fun, but.” He paused. “You could have done anything you wanted…”

Casey stopped moving. Shoji thought they didn’t hear him, and was about to repeat himself, when they finally replied.

“I don’t know? I see you guys running around, protecting us all, and I think it’s gotta be really tiring. I don’t think you guys get enough time to relax. Y’all are in the prime of your lives, and you’re spending it doing some of the most stressful and dangerous jobs in all the country. And, i dunno” they laughed nervously “ I kinda have the urge to take care of you? Wanted to give you the chance to slow down a bit, y’know? Um...yeah. That’s why.”

Link made some questionable sounds and pseudo-words and the Hero opened his mouth to reply, but Casey continued.

“I mean, I know how awful it is to work and work and never have any breaks. I um, slacked off in my Senior year. Almost failed.My family left me for that one, not that they were really there anyways?  All of my friends left me behind, and I had to go the um, less standard route. Hard as hell. And i’ve got the job I have now, right? But it was hell getting here. I’m not really done either, since i’ve still got my dreams that I wanna accomplish, right? But, um… Yeah. I wanted to help someone that was going through the same thing.”

 Casey half turned around and Shoji was Staring At Them. So intently that they could feel holes being burned into them.They couldn’t make eye contact. The silence was pregnant before the other person spoke.

“ I..think I understand. That’s very sweet, actually. One of the nicest things that’s happened lately.”

Casey’s head shot up in alarm.

“I mean, yeah, people are nice to me, but it’s partially because i’m a hero. And y’know, people say nice things all the time, right? But that’s all it is. And uh, it’s nice to have someone actually do something nice to me for once. Thank you, and i’m not just saying it because.”

Casey couldn’t stop the grin spreading across their face, or the warmth blooming in their chest if they tried. Shoji’s arm-mouth smiled back.

“You’ve very much welcome, Tentacole.”

Neither of them said much until the bread finished baking. They both watched in awe as steam wafted gently off the hot loaves. 

It rounded four o’clock before anything else really happened. Casey suggested that they go to the arcade not too far from here, and the half-asleep Shoji agreed. The sun had baked everything in the street, and the heat was oppressive. On a whim, they’d pulled their companion into a hole-in-the-wall drink shop for refreshments. Unsurprisingly, the shopkeep recognized the hero and gave the pair their drinks for free. Both Casey and Shoji tried to pay them anyway, but the owner wouldn’t budge. After a fair bit of haggling, the two left.

“Is it just me or do you feel kinda bad? I should have gone in alone, I think.”

Shoji swallowed before replying. 

“I do feel kinda bad too, but it’s not like we were robbing them. I didn’t really like the way they did it, but i’m not saying no to free boba. Plus it’s super good. I’m coming back when I can. As for you, you should learn to accept things.” he ruffled their hair, and despite their whining, there was a smile on their face. The two finished their drinks and entered the arcade. After a quick tour and some mild teasing, they settled on the DDR machine. ‘We both suck at dancing, so why not?’ Shoji argued. Casey had no retort. 

Fifteen minutes later, they were both sweaty and panting.  The screen displayed a horrific score for both participants. They both agreed to do something else, and over the course of four hours, hit every machine in the store. Shoji, unsurprisingly, excelled at rhythm and accuracy games. Casey shone in speed and racing games.They were shoving some of the overpriced greasy food down their throats when Casey pitched the question.

“If you could go anywhere in the world, where’d you go and why?”

The response was instant.

“Naminoue Shrine. My parents took me there when I was little, and I remember it was very beautiful. I’ve been dying to go back, but I never have the time.”

 He finished eating his chili dog and shoves the soggy cardboard container into the overflowing trash container. Casey finished their grilled cheese, and the two walked out into the still-warm 8 p.m. air. The city’s nightlife was just beginning to stir, as could be seen with various bars and adult establishments beginning to open their doors. It had rained while they were inside, and the pungent smell of wet concrete and the fainter smell of garbage saturated the still-warm evening air. The sun was casting its dying rays, and they made a stark contrast with the monotone gray business buildings and faded advertisement signs. 

“Hey, do you have the day off tomorrow?” Casey asked. It was an innocent enough question.

“Nope. Patrol first thing after we’re done, actually. It’s kinda sad. I feel bad for my companions. “

Casey laughed.

“Why, you think some of them are gonna get their backs blown out?” They snickered “Or are they gonna be wandering around in post-nut clarity?”

Shoji laughed, this time from his mouth. It was loud and hearty and filled Casey with warmth. They wanted to bottle it and keep it forever.

“I know at least three people that are gonna be in that post-nut clarity haze for sure. Not naming them for uh, security reasons. Work is going to be fun tomorrow.”

“Oh, I can imagine.”

__

The pair were rounding the corner onto the street where Casey lived, and Shoji was about to tell his companion about the one time one of his co-workers had somehow found himself involved in a flash vampire harem and got absolutely drained, both metaphorically and physically when he was abruptly pulled into an alley. His back slammed into the cool brick. Confusion muddled with fear in the pit of his stomach.

“Close your eyes.” Casey’s frame betrayed their strength. The light from the street made Casey’s face look inhumane.

“Whu-”

“Shhhh, just close your eyes.” Casey slapped their palm over the exposed part of the hero’s face, forcing him to close his eyes. His world turned into disorienting, nauseating kaleidoscopes of colours. The ground beneath him turned into a vortex and as soon as it began, it was over. He collapsed on his hands and knees onto the ground. Casey hovered nearby.

“I’m sorry. I hope you haven’t lost your lunch? We did kinda spend a lot of time on it.”

The hero struggled to look up. His arms had become rubber. “What” he strained “The hell…”

More apologies ran off Casey's tongue. They hurried to Shoji’s side and helped him stand up. He leaned heavily on them, still heavily disoriented. The ground still swam beneath him, but he began to regain his legs. He stuffed another gag back down his throat. Finally, the wave of nausea passed, and he looked up.

And stopped.

Deep blue ocean, accompanied by the gentle crashing of waves on the cliffs created the perfect backdrop of the shrine. The sinking sun made everything look covered in gold. He remained on his knees, but the feeling keeping him there was awe. The shrine was beautiful, to say the least. Memories of past visits came flooding back to him, and now he was on his hands and knees. The feelings he’d filed away that had been bubbling under the surface all day were Right Now pouring out, pressing at and breaking through the seams. Shit, he hadn’t felt this much in years, with his appearance making friendships and work and romance and everything else so much more difficult. He wasn’t ready for-any of this really. This entire day had been a slow, methodical tearing down of all the walls he’d put up to protect himself and now-

He didn’t realize he was crying until there was a cloth dabbing at the space between his eyes and his mask.  Casey was apologizing- they needed to stop doing that so easily -and had tucked his hair behind his ear. The laugh that came from him was shaky and rattled in his chest. He grabbed the hand that was wiping away at his face and squeezed it.

“Thank you. You don’t have to do that anymore, i’m fine now.” He laughed again, this time more stable. Casey stopped and sat beside him, wordlessly. Technically, the shrine was closed to the public, so the area was almost unnaturally quiet. The sunset was beautiful.

___

The train ride back to Musutafu was quiet. Teleporting back was unanimously decided to be a rather bad idea, prepared for it or not. The carriage was empty and Casey had fallen asleep half an hour into the train ride, so Shoji had the luxury of some time to reflect.. In the short amount of time he’d come to know them, Casy had made more of an impact on him than the three years he’d spent at Yuuei had ever had. It’s not that he hadn’t been friends with any of them, just that some of the louder personalities had dominated the class life and he’d been..left behind? Not to say that he hadn’t had any friends, just that they’d grown more distant once their careers hadn really taken off. That was understandable of course, but that didn’t make it any less lonely. The auction event was supposed to be a bit of a joke, something to laugh over with everyone else at work, maybe a conversation starter. It certainly wasn’t supposed to turn into...well, this. Maybe it was because he hadn’t been this close to anyone in basically forever why he was feeling like this. He watched the rise and fall of Casey's chest as they slept and it took him a minute to realize he was smiling. Whatever the feeling in his chest was, it was too early to say. For now, though, he was going to enjoy the moment.

Casey shot awake, slightly panicked and very disoriented. The fucking sun was shining into their eyes like it had a personal fucking problem with them. The blanket that had been previously tucked around them was Really Hot. Caset cringed when their arm audibly unstuck when they lifted it. They fumbled around for their phone, before finding it on the bedside table - fully charged, mind you- where they literally never put it. Intentions to check the time were forgotten, however, because sitting on their screen, front and center was a message. From Shoji. Yesterday’s events came flooding back to them and they groaned. They almost didn’t want to open the message, but they’d have to if they wanted to apologize for yesterday’s stunt. Christ, how cringey could they be? Hesitantly, they unlocked their phone and clicked on the notification. To say what they found was unexpected would be understating it. 

Shoji: Hey, it’s me. You fell asleep on the train and I didn’t want to wake you, so I brought you home. I made sure your door was locked when I left, so you don’t have to worry. :) I wanted to clarify that me crying yesterday wasn’t because of anything bad you did. You mentioned feeling left behind by everyone in your life, and the trip to the shrine brought up some things I needed to deal with, so thank you for that. I really enjoyed the time I spent with you, and I wouldn’t mind hanging out again, if you’ll have me. Let me know if you ever need a scoop and I'll do my best to hook you up.

Shoji: Also I stole one of the bread. They were too good to pass up and my fridge is kinda empty. 

Casey snorted. This man was too sweet for his own good. It was no use staying in bed any longer, plus they had work to do. They smiled. Yesterday was nice. Not quite what they’d been expecting, but nice. Maybe they’d take him up on his offer.

A/N: Hey, you made it! Thanks for reading this mess of a fic. I don’t know what this ending was supposed to be either, but there it is! I like the dialougue, kinda, so I think i’ll keep it. I’m more than happy to recieve any feedback you may have, so send ‘em in.

[vminni]

And They Were Roommates

Jisung burst through the open door of the RA’s room, his luggage clattering loudly behind him, “I need a room change, I can’t live there.”

The RA, who had introduced himself as Chan when Jisung walked by 30 seconds earlier, stared at him in obvious confusion.

“Did you even go in your room? I literally just saw you.”

“I opened the door and I saw my roommate and I can’t live there. Please change me.”

Chan crossed over to his door and closed it, indicating for Jisung to sit on the bed as he took a seat in his desk chair. “Do you already know him?” Chan asked slowly. “Is there a bad history there?”

Jisung shook his head, “I’ve never met him. It’s not that. I just can’t live with him.”

Chan sighed, “Look, I don’t know what’s going on here, but if you can’t give me a real reason, there’s nothing I can do. Even with a real reason, the school still requires you to live with someone for at least two weeks before they’ll consider making a change.”

“Did you see him when he came in?”

“I’ve been greeting everyone as they’ve walked by so I’m sure…”

Jisung cut Chan off, “He’s too pretty! I can’t live with a hot person!”

“You...what?”

“You know how hot people are,” Jisung flopped back onto the bed, his overstuffed backpack preventing him from the dramatics he was going for. “They’re awful. All full of themselves because they’re beautiful and they know they’re beautiful. Thinking they’re better than everyone else just because they have a perfect face. No way, man. I am not living with him.”

Chan blinked a few times, then slowly drew in a breath, “I’m sorry, but you can’t change rooms just because your roommate is too hot.”

A knock at the door interrupted Jisung’s protest before it began and Chan shot him a quick ‘wait one minute’ look before getting up and crossing to the door.

Jisung huffed and folded his arms over his chest, seething as Chan cracked the door.

“My roommate ran away,” the voice on the other side was soft and unsure. “He looked at me and bolted. This is why I asked for a sin…”

Chan swung the door fully open, revealing Jisung to the boy outside.

“Oh,” the boy hesitated , but stepped into the room when Chan waved him in.

“Sit,” Chan gestured to the open spot on his bed next to Jisung as he closed the door. “We clearly have some things to talk about.”

The boy perched on the edge of the bed, as far from Jisung as he could get. His discomfort was obvious as he gnawed on his bottom lip, sneaking a quick glance at Jisung before snapping his gaze away just as fast.

“We aren’t even an hour into move in day and we already have issues,” Chan groaned into his hands, more to himself than anything else. He lifted his head after, took a deep breath and looked at the two boys. “Okay, what’s happening?”

When Jisung didn’t speak, his roommate took the opportunity to, “When I signed up for housing, I asked for a single room, but they told me that wasn’t possible. I told them why I wanted one and they said they would do their best to pair me with a roommate who wouldn’t have any issues with that. But clearly,” he gestured towards Jisung, “that didn’t happen, because he took one look at me and ran. I don’t know how he found out but he obviously did, and he obviously doesn’t want to be near me.”

Understanding dawned on Chan’s face. Jisung still had no idea what was going on, but it was clear that his roommate was extremely upset. There was a blotchiness to his cheeks and an undercut to his voice, as if he was trying his best to not let the pain seep into his words.

“I don’t want to put anyone’s private business out there, so I’m going to leave it to you two to talk this out. But I just want you to know that it’s not what you’re thinking. That’s not why he ran.”

Chan got to his feet and opened the door, “Go back to your room and actually talk to each other. You’ll be fine.”

“I will not be fine,” Jisung huffed, snatching up his luggage and dragging it after him. “Talking is not going to solve my problem.”

“Sorry, mate. Like I said, you can’t change rooms.”

“If he’s going to be uncomfortable, why can’t he just change? There has to be at least one other gay kid on campus who won’t be disgusted by the thought of living with me.”

Jisung’s head snapped back to look at his roommate, who had paused in the doorway to plead with Chan one last time. “Wait, what? You think I don’t want to live with you because you’re gay? I didn’t even know that.”

The boy speared Jisung with a heated glance, his arms folded defensively over his chest, “My roommate at my last school had a problem with it. I tried to avoid it here by telling the housing people about it in advance and they said they’d give me a roommate who was comfortable with it. But then you saw me and ran away. Figured it was because of that.”

“I’m bi. I ran away because you’re hot.”

The other boy blinked at him, “What?”

“I’m so glad you two are solving your issues or falling in love or whatever is going on here, but could you please do it somewhere other than the middle of the hallway?”

Jisung flushed as he turned to look at the owner of the dry voice, bowing apologetically when he saw the congestion of students, parents and luggage that had built up behind them.

“Come on,” his roommate mumbled, grabbing one of Jisung’s suitcases out of his hand and tugging it with him down the hall. Jisung noticed the relief on his pretty face as he passed by and a brief wave of guilt rolled through his stomach before he tamped it back down and clammored after him.

The boy came to a sudden stop in front of their shared room and Jisung nearly crashed into him, catching himself at the last second. Halted, Jisung took that moment to examine the door. It had been decorated, presumably by Chan, with a summer motif that Jisung now noticed matched the rest of the hallway. Their particular door was fashioned with pineapple cutouts and the two largest of those featured their names.

Minho, who’s name Jisung now knew thanks to the decorations, opened the door and entered, dumping Jisung’s suitcase onto the naked bed on the right side of the room. The left bed was covered in a dark blue comforter and had a few bundles of clothes resting on top.

Jisung shrugged off his backpack and dropped his own suitcase to the floor, sneaking a few glances at Minho out of the corner of his eye as the other boy crossed to his own side of the room.

He hopped up onto his bed and let his feet swing, watching as Jisung crouched to shove his suitcase under his bare bed. His backpack and the suitcase Minho had carried followed suit as the other boy stared on in confusion.

“You aren’t unpacking?”

“No,” Jisung flopped down onto the naked mattress and dug his phone out of his pocket, pulling up the school’s housing website. “I still want a room change.”

Minho’s defenses immediately went back up and he pulled his knees to himself, resting his chin on them as he eyed Jisung warily, “I thought you were okay with my sexuality.”

“I am,” Jisung sighed deeply when he saw the bold notice at the top of the website confirming what Chan had told him earlier. There were no room changes until at least two weeks into the semester. “That’s not the problem.”

“So what’s the problem then?”

“Your face and, therefore, your personality.” Jisung rolled off his bed and sat himself cross legged on the floor, pulling out his backpack and opening it up. He fished around inside until he found his headphones, plugging them into his phone and slipping them over his ears.

“Oh no,” Minho was off the bed in an instant and he snatched the phone out of Jisung’s hand before he could select a song. “We have to talk about this, whatever this is. You don’t get to just ignore it.”

“Give me my phone back,” Jisung snapped. Minho hesitated, but complied, and Jisung rewarded him with an answer to his question, “You’re hot, which means you’re a jerk. I don’t want to live with a jerk.”

“I’m a jerk?” Minho quirked an eyebrow, but it didn’t do much to mask the hurt in his eyes. “That’s rich, coming from the asshole who didn’t even bother to say a word to me before deciding that.”

Jisung ripped his headphones off and treated Minho to an icy glare, “I don’t need to get to know you to know that you’re awful. All you hot people are the same. Stuck up and full of yourselves, acting like you’re better than everyone else. News flash, you aren’t.”

“News flash,” Minho parroted back at him, a glossy sheen beginning to build up in his eyes, “the only one who’s been awful here is you. I literally haven’t done anything to you! I’m tired of being treated like shit because of things I can’t control!”

A sob escaped his lips on the last word and he quickly covered his mouth, turning away from Jisung as his tears began to fall. Jisung watched from his spot on the floor as Minho grabbed a big hoodie from one of the bundles on his bed and tugged it on, swiping angrily at his cheeks with oversized sleeves.

His quiet, broken, “Fuck you,” was followed by the slam of the door.

-

“Your roommate sucks,” Jisung muttered, poking at his rice with a chopstick as Seungmin titled his head in confusion.

“How does he suck? All he did was say it was nice to meet you. And then he got up to go get another drink.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t like him,” Jisung kept his gaze focused on his food, ignoring the frown that was marring his childhood best friend’s face. “He’s got a bad vibe.”

“What’s your problem, man? First you get into a fight with your own roommate and now you’re dissing mine without even knowing him?”

“I don’t have to know him to know he sucks!” Jisung stabbed his chopstick into his pile of rice and stood up, his chair clattering to the ground and drawing the attention of all the nearby students. He snatched it up and slammed it back into place, startling Hyunjin, who had just returned to the table with a new glass of Coke.

“Oh, are you leaving already?” he inquired, confusion obvious on his face. “I thought we were all going to eat together?”

“I don’t want to be your friend,” Jisung snapped. He grabbed his tray and stalked off, rolling his eyes when he heard Seungmin in the background, apologizing for his behavior.

Not wanting to return to his room in case he had to deal with Minho again, Jisung hurried across campus towards the housing office. Maybe if he told them how awful the other boy was in person, they would let him switch rooms today. He could not live with him, not even for two weeks. It wasn’t possible.

“I want a new room,” Jisung announced to the receptionist in the housing office, “and I don’t want to wait.”

“I’m very sorry,” her tone implied that this was not the first time she had had this same conversation today, “there are no room changes until two weeks into the semester. Everyone has to give their current room assignment a fair shot before any changes will be approved.”

“I want to speak to whoever is in charge.”

“I’m sorry, but they’re in a meeting with another student right now. And they will just tell you exactly what I’m telling you now. It’s not possible.”

“How come that student got a meeting with them?” Jisung clutched the edge of the desk, desperation creeping into his voice. “If there’s no changes, they how come they get to talk face to face?”

“That student is a special case, because there’s a fear for his personal safety.”

Jisung was about to respond when the door behind the receptionist opened and Minho walked out, eyes swollen and cheeks streaked with tears. When his gaze landed on Jisung he visibly shrunk, receding into his hoodie as his eyes darted around for an escape.

Jisung’s mouth gaped open in shock, “I’m not….I wouldn’t…” His gaze danced from Minho to the receptionist, “I’m not going to hurt him! He’s not in danger!”

He suddenly had her attention and she sat up straighter, angling her chair to protect Minho as Jisung stared at him, “This is your roommate?”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t need to be scared.” Jisung’s eyes bore into the other boy’s red ones, “I swear, I’m not going to do anything to you.”

Minho’s short fingers played with the worn cuffs of his sweatshirt sleeves, gaze dropping to his feet, “Yeah, well, they’re going to try to switch my room. So you got what you wanted.”

Logically, Jisung understood that this was the perfect outcome. But he was highly insulted by the fact that Minho felt he was in danger, “I don’t want them switching it because they think I’m going to do something to you! I’m not!”

The head of housing stepped through the open doorway and gestured towards both boys, “Come in. We need to talk.”

Jisung followed behind Minho, muttering once again that he wasn’t going to hurt anyone. Minho’s shoulders tensing at his voice was the only indication that he had heard him speak at all.

“I spoke to your RA. He said there’s been friction since the minute you two met. He, howerer, does not think that anyone is in any danger.” The man turned to Minho, “Due to the circumstances of what happened at your previous school, we do not want to take any chances. As I mentioned to you earlier, we are looking into finding a suitable room change, but there is of course the same issue that we faced when forming your original rooming assignment. This young man,” he indicated Jisung, “was the only student who spoke openly of his sexuality in his admissions essay. While I’m sure there are hundreds of students on campus who would have no issues rooming with you, we don’t actually know who they are. And we of course do not want to put you into another situation where your fear your safety is in danger. So for now, we think it’s best if you two remain together.”

-

Jisung blinked awake, rubbing at his face with one hand as his other searched under the covers for his phone. Once he found it he thumbed it on, wincing as the bright light stung his eyes. It was 3:52 in the morning. He rolled over and noted that Minho’s bed was still empty. The other boy hadn’t returned to the room with him after the head of housing ignored their protests of living together. He had no idea where he’d gone and now, fourteen hours since he’d last seen him, Jisung felt a bit nervous.

He shucked his covers off and climbed out of bed, shoving his feet into the worn Vans he’d deposited at the bedside when he’d gotten in that night. He grabbed his room key and his phone and decided that he had to tell Chan what was happening.

Stumbling, Jisung wrenched the door open and tripped into the hallway, eyes still half lidded with sleep. A yelp startled him and he stopped in his tracks, blinking down at the boy whose foot he had stepped on.

“Minho?” he mumbled, rubbing at his eyes with his sleeve a few times before he convinced himself that his vision wasn’t playing tricks on him. “What are you doing out here?”

“Nothing,” the other boy mumbled, sitting up and drawing his knees to his chest. His hair was mussed and he looked small, his thin frame swallowed by his oversized sweatshirt. “Sleeping.”

“Your bed is in there,” Jisung’s sleep addled voice was laced with confusion as he indicated the door of their shared room. “Why are you out here?”

“I didn’t want to be in there with you,” Minho said softly, his gaze locked on the peak of his bent legs.

Jisung dropped to the floor besides him, uncoordinated enough in his sleepy state that his arm brushed against Minho’s as he sat. The other boy pulled back like he’d been slapped, drawing further in on himself as Jisung eyed him in confusion.

“It’s okay, ‘m not gonna hurt you,” he slurred, holding out a pinky towards the other boy. “I promise.”

Minho kept his gaze on his own legs and Jisung nudged him lightly, “Hey. I’m sorry. You’re right. I was a jerk earlier.”

Still no response.

“What happened at your other school? To make you so scared?”

Minho blinked a few times before whimpering softly and drawing into himself even more, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Did your roommate hurt because you were gay?” Jisung’s sleep addled brain had no filter. “Did you get beat up or something?”

Minho’s response was more of a breath than a word, but Jisung caught it anyway, “Yes.”

“Oh,” his hand hovered over Minho’s knee, but he drew back, not wanting to startle the boy with his touch, “I’m really sorry that happened to you.”

“This school was supposed to be better,” Minho scrubbed at his face, weary and broken. “More liberal and accepting. But they were still nervous about putting me with just any roommate. So I ended up with you and it’s been just as awful.”

“Yeah, but,” Jisung was confused, “I’m not going to hurt you? It’s not as bad.”

“You’ve already hurt me,” Minho’s gazed locked on Jisung’s for the first time since he’d sat down next to him. “Not physically, but you’ve still hurt me. Why don’t you get that?”

Jisung blinked, a sick feeling coiling in his stomach as he took in Minho’s words, “I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t know. I’m really sorry.”

A few beats of silence passed before Minho responded, “Well, you did.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jisung’s apology sounded meager to his own ears, but he wasn’t sure what else to say. “Can we start over?”

“What’s your problem anyway?”

Jisung’s shoulders slumped as Minho repeated the words Seungmin had spat at him earlier, “I honestly don’t know. I get defensive around people who are better looking than me.”

“Well, it’s super shitty. You’re shitty.” Minho slowly climbed to his feet, looking down at Jisung. He cowered under the truth of his gaze, head drooping in shame. “But if you promise to work on your attitude, I promise to try and forgive you.”

Jisung’s gaze snapped back up and he scrambled to his feet, holding a pinky out to Minho. “I promise to try my best not to be an asshole anymore.”

Minho’s pinky wrapped around his, the rest of his fist swallowed by the sleeve of his hoodie, “Roommates?”

Jisung offered him a small, timid smile, “Roommates.”

-

“Hello, Seungmin.” Jisung cleared his throat, fingers clutching tightly at his lunch tray, “Hello, Hyunjin.”

The two boys looked up, Hyunjin’s gaze immediately dropping back to his food when he recognized Jisung. Seungmin just stared, eyes steely.

A soft hand on the small of Jisung’s back gave him the courage to keep going, “Do you mind if Minho and I sit with you guys? I wanted to apologize for the way I acted last week.”

Seungmin turned to Hyunjin, who shrugged slightly. Jisung took that as an affirmative and sat down, Minho sinking into the seat next to him.

“This is my roommate Minho. Minho, this is my best friend Seungmin and his roommate Hyunjin.”

Minho offered both boys soft smiles. Hyunjin retuned it, but Seungmin continued to stare at Jisung, a warning in his eyes.

Jisung cleared his throat, “Hyunjin, I was a jerk to you the first time we met, and I’m very sorry about that. I don’t know what came over me. You didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. I’d really appreciate it if you gave me a second chance.”

Hyunjin glanced back and forth between Minho and Jisung for a few seconds before he nodded, “Seungmin told me what happened between you two on the first day. If you can forgive him, I guess I can too.”

“He’s trying to be better,” Minho assured him. “But don’t be afraid to call him out when he’s being an asshole. I do.”

“So you guys are cool now?” Seungmin had relaxed slightly and was eyeing the two boys with interest. “Because man was Jisung an ass to you.”

“We’ve settled our differences,” Minho glanced at Jisung with a soft smile. “Things are a lot better now.”

“The only problem is our RA hates us,” Jisung chirped, digging into his lunch. “I go to him to rant almost every day. One of these days I swear he’s going to stop opening the door.”

“If things are better, what are you ranting about?” Hyunjin’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“How hot Minho is,” Jisung picked up a piece of fried chicken, offering it to Minho before taking a bite himself. “It’s a major issue in my life. My bi-sexual ass was not ready to room with an actual god.”

Minho giggled slightly, a shy, pleased smile on his lips as he stared down at his plate.

“Yesterday he took his shirt off in front of me!” Jisung nearly jabbed Hyunjin in the eye with his chicken in his indignation. “Can you believe that? Chan had to hear about that disrespect for an hour.”

“I was getting changed for bed!”

“Still, it was very rude,” Jisung shoved his chicken in his mouth and pouted, batting Minho’s hand away when the other boy went to poke at his full cheeks. “You know I’m weak.”

“Only Jisung would go from hating someone purely because he was hot, to being obsessed with the same person for the same reason.” Seungmin shook his head, “You’ve got issues, man.”

“That may be true, but I’m working on them.” Jisung’s gaze landed on Minho and turned soft, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, “We’re working on them.”

-

“Happy one month roommate-iversary,” Jisung deposited the ice cream cake on Minho’s desk, right on top of the open textbook that covered most of the surface. “Also please accept this cake as a late apology gift as well.”

“I’ve already forgiven you,” Minho swiped a finger across one of the pink flowers that littered the surface of the cake and stuck it in his mouth. “But I’m always a sucker for sugar.”

“You forgive me?”

“Well, yeah,” Minho spun in his chair, blinking up at Jisung. “We’ve been friends since, like, day five. I forgave you ages ago.”

Jisung pouted, “I know we’re friends. But you never actually said you forgave me, you just promised that you’d try to forgive me. I didn’t know I’d been forgiven.”

“You have been,” Minho stuck his finger in the icing again, this time holding it out to Jisung. When he leaned in to eat it, Minho swiped it across his cheek instead, laughing at the startled look on Jisung’s face. “Cute.”

Jisung brightened, “You think I’m cute?”

“Maybe.” Rose dusted Minho’s cheeks as he scooped up another fingerful of icing and popped it in his mouth, “Maybe that’s why I used to go and rant to Chan.”

“I can’t believe he banned us from talking to him unless it was an actual emergency,” Jisung sighed, leaning over Minho to dig his own finger into the cake. “It’s literally his job to listen to us. I should write a complaint.”

“Put yourself in his shoes,” Minho laughed, “you go in there and rant about how hot I am for an hour. Then I go in there and rant about how cute you are for twenty minutes. We’re lucky he didn’t kill us both.”

“Only twenty minutes?” Jisung pouted. “Damn, I’m hurt.”

“I’d get to twenty minutes and I’d start remembering how awful you were at first and it would kill my vibe.”

Jisung frowned and placed a hand on Minho’s shoulder, eyes seeking the other boy’s, “I know you said you forgive me, but I just want to say again how sorry I am for that. I was such an asshole. You didn’t deserve that. No one deserves that. You’re the best person I’ve ever met and it kills me that I’ve hurt you in any way. And I’m so thankful everyday that you are as amazing as you are and were willing to still be my friend after I was the biggest jerk on the planet to you.”

“You learned your lesson,” Minho said softly, his own hand folding over Jisung’s. “That person isn’t you anymore. You’re wonderful and sweet and someone who I’m very proud to call my friend.”

“Someone who maybe one day you’d want to call more than a friend?” Nerves tattered Jisung’s voice and he bit down on his bottom lip as Minho’s fingers tightened over his own.

“I think today would be okay for that.”

“Yeah?” Jisung asked, leaning down as he spoke.

“Yeah,” Minho agreed, surging up to meet his lips halfway.

-

Chan ripped his door open, glowering at the boy who was banging on it, “I told you not to bother me unless it was an emergency.”

“It is an emergency.”

“Jisung,” Chan sighed, rubbing a hand through his hair, “Minho wearing those pants is not an emergency.”

“That’s not it,” Jisung waved him off. “It’s a real emergency this time.”

“What is it?”

“Minho is the best kisser in the world and I think I’m addicted to his lips. But he’s in class right now and I don’t know what to do, I think I might die.”

Jisung huffed in annoyance as Chan shut the door in his face. “I want a new RA! You’re useless!”

“Yeah, well, you wanted a new roommate too and look how that turned out,” Chan’s voice floated through the door. “No changes allowed.”

Maybe the two weeks until a roommate change wasn’t such a bad rule after all, Jisung found himself thinking later that night as he was curled up in Minho’s arms, the other boy fast asleep. Maybe the school did know what they were doing after all.

[ordinaryoddness]

“OH, DROKK THIS!”

Anyone that knows me will be aware of my love for 2000AD, a sci-fi anthology comic that’s been going for longer than I have been on this earth. Since its inception in 1977, 2000AD has featured thousands of stories, giving birth to some of the greatest comic characters of all time. 

One of which is, Judge Joseph Dredd, a hard-hearted, law enforcement officer in a far flung American future. Judge Dredd featured a cynical new world, where cops (Judges) could execute on the spot and throw people in the slammer for the pettiest of crimes. 

Mega City One, is a mass of ‘Blocs’, entire towns condensed into gigantic, rocket-shaped apartment buildings, usually named after minor British celebrities (There is a ‘Sue Perkins Bloc’ for example) or politicians. This world saw humans, mutants and droids live side-by-side, mostly at odds with each other, or the various (sometimes surreal) criminal elements that threatened an already shaky and paranoid city.

 Judge Dredd is not a hero, not in the conventional sense. He is a mostly cold, blank slate of a man whose sole purpose is to uphold the law and literally nothing else.

 Dredd has killed MILLIONS of people in the years he has been active. In one story, Dredd dropped a nuclear weapon on Russia, ending a war but killing millions of innocent people in the process. He is a machine of little sympathy and patience. Dredd is so infused with the law, and the upholding thereof, that he NEVER TAKES HIS HELMET OFF (Please, remember this) and he literally has no time for friendships or human things like emotion. Judges are sworn to not have romantic relationships and Dredd is above all of that. He doesn’t even think about it. Love is for creeps. 

In the comics, Dredd may as well be a robot, or a Robocop. (Dredd inspired that classic film) but, unlike Alex Murphy, Joe Dredd has no family (Well, not in the conventional sense but we’ll get to that in a wee while)

 Basically, Judge Dredd is awesome. I advise you to dig out the books and throw yourself into a world I’ve been enjoying since I was 8. Also, check out the 2012 film adaption called ‘Dredd’ because it NAILS the comic, the world and the character (with loads of cool references for longtime fans). It also features Judge Anderson, my absolute favourite female comic book character. 2000AD has, for the most part, featured strong female characters and the Dredd universe is no exception. 

1995 then. ‘Stallone IS Dredd’

Sly Stallone. Is. Dredd. Judge Dredd. A unfeeling, facially unknown, killer for the law. A character to be booed as well as cheered.

I was 15 when Judge Dredd came out. I was pretty excited. Didn’t last.

In less than ten minutes in, Judge Dredd takes his helmet off and by the end, he’s smooching Judge Hershey.

I get why fans get annoyed when films mess up their characters. Sometimes, it’s a little off kilter. I care not for changing the race of a character. Who cares as long as they embody that person? I would have taken a non-white Dredd. All the actor had to do was live by the code of the character, to be best representation of the man on the big screen. (Yes, Dredd has to be male. It kind of doesn’t work if he isn’t)

Stallone was not that man. The only thing that made him remotely qualified to be Dredd was that they both have distinguishable chins. 

Judge Dredd: The Movie was a cynical cash grab for a character that was kind of niche. Dredd wasn’t huge in America, even when he fought Batman. He was cult, through and through. It was a film that needed to be made by people that KNEW the material, that honoured the little/big things. Karl Urban, who played ‘The One True Dredd’ was a fan of the character and you can tell he was having a blast bringing him to life. When you watch Sly, you can see that one eye is on the scene, and the other is on the sack of money in the corner. 

The film, to delve into the travesty, is mostly harmless to those that just want to watch Sly wobble about like he does. For fans (I’d go as far to say that I’m a ‘super fan’, I’ve paid my dues) it’s like watching a shit cover of a great song on ‘X-Factor’. It’s soulless, lifeless and so lazy. No one wins in this, even 2000AD who, after it came out, could barely hide their dislike for it. 

It takes an old story and adds a few things to it. To give the film one single positive point, it looks the business. Chris Cunningham did a great job of the special effects, The Angel Gang and Hammerstein look awesome. THERE was the love and passion, all around people that couldn’t care less.

Judge Dredd: 1995 Edition worst crime is that it’s boring. It’s really, really boring. It tries to be funny, even drafting in Deuce Bigelow in as ‘comic relief’, again playing a character that’s completely different to the original material. Judge Anderson isn’t in it, which is a blessing. They would have probably re-imagined this cool, smart and female hero into a ditzy, blonde bimbo who keeps going all ga-ga over Rambo. 

They would have cast  Pamela Anderson, wouldn’t they? 

Diane Lane is in there, playing an equally iconic female character, Judge Hershey. She does, indeed, go ga-ga over Rambo and they have a kiss at the end. No real reason why. It doesn’t even make sense in the film and in the comic, they would never do that for about a million reasons. 

While they do use the famous ‘I AM THE LAW’ catchphrase, they also give the helmet-free, happy-go-lucky Dredd a new motto. In the film, he keeps saying “I knew you’d say that”, which is like something a sales manager would say, not an action hero. They really try to ram it home during the film. I bet Sly thought it was great, probably because when he says “Law” it sounds like he’s about to shit himself. 

When Armand Assante (playing Dredd’s ‘brother’ Rico) says ‘LAAAAAAAAAAAW’ to mock Dredd, it sounds like he’s reached a climax. Maybe he was channelling hopeless directer Danny Cannon who was hoping that this shit show would be that years ‘The Fifth Element’ (The film seems to take more cues from that movie than it does the comics)

Films are just fluff though, aren’t they? It’s kind of pointless to get all wound up about what is ultimately fleeting. I feel bad for feeling anything towards it. It’s probably the last time I was ‘angry’ at a film. Although, that being said, I saw ‘Batman Forever’ not long after and watched another favourite character be reduced to a dancing bear. Embarrassingly, I came out and, annoyed about a two-punch combo of crappy comic movies, I booted a cardboard cutout of ‘Batman Forever’ and declared, overly loudly, that I would never go to the cinema again. I did, about a year later but by then I was getting into indie-films and just wanted to watch people talking for 90 minutes.

Judge Dredd is a bad film, whether you love the source material or not. I’m more annoyed at it for tarnishing the later, superior Dredd film. A sequel and a series is so long overdue and it bothers me that the best representation of Judge Dredd and his universe is ‘I knew you’d say that’

As a little caveat, I did manage to get a measure of ‘revenge’ (probably too strong a word but there you go) with regards to JD 1995, In 2006, I ended up working on a film (didn’t come out) with a producer that knew Danny ‘Judge Dredd’ Cannon. He had actually tried to get his friend involved, giving him a copy of the film I wrote. In one of my many, many phone calls from sunny L.A to shady Quarry Bank, I was picked up on an exchange within in the film, where the two main characters, briefly take about Judge Dredd being terrible. There was a line (I won’t repeat it here) that, apparently, Danny Cannon was very offended by and I was asked to remove it. I was 26 at the time, sat on the stairs of my shared house, and it felt like a one in the eye for Hollywood. I am the law, thank you very much.