#why cant things just be easy. why do i have to make this decision for myselg

[clownpassing]

crossfaded. tired. exhausted. back hurts.

[iamgonnagetyouback]

Hi! Can I request an angst with wolfstar and reader? With happy ending please! Something like they are already in a relationship but have a disagreement over something silly, but that makes reader overthink about her position in their relationship. Reader then says something like “I cant do this anymore” and leave them, making them think she’s leaving them for good. Reader then recluses herself for a few days and the boys go crazy and realize they’ve messed up and try to win her back. Ending very fluff and emotional. Thank you much!!!

wolfstar x reader who feels like she doesn't fit in

Living with Sirius and Remus was everything you'd ever wanted—most of the time. Their flat was a mix of your things scattered with Sirius’s leather jackets and Remus’s dog-eared books. It was cozy, filled with warmth and laughter, until the day a seemingly harmless argument stirred something much deeper.

“I want a cat,” you announced over breakfast, running a hand through your messy bedhead. "They're cute, they're fluffy, and they could keep me company when you two are off doing...whatever it is you do.”

Sirius scoffed, leaning back in his chair with a smirk. “Oh darling, a cat? Really? We're more of a dog household. You’ve got one against two here.”

His words hit you with an unexpected sting. You forced a smile, pretending to brush it off, but as the minutes passed, the thought of ‘one against two’ burrowed deeper into your mind. “Whatever, Sirius,” you muttered, trying not to sound too annoyed. You huffed and stormed off to the bedroom you shared with them, feeling the weight of something more than a silly disagreement.

Lying in bed, the phrase replayed over and over. One against two. It's always been that way, hasn't it? You thought about the times Sirius and Remus had shared private jokes, their comfortable familiarity, and how sometimes—no, often—you felt like an outsider in your own relationship.

The more you thought about it, the more it all made sense. In every disagreement, every decision, it was always them, together, and then you—floating on the edges. Your breathing quickened, and a gnawing panic started to crawl up your chest. Suddenly, you couldn't stay in the room anymore. The air felt thick, suffocating. You stumbled downstairs, only to find Sirius washing dishes and Remus lazily watching TV.

Their easy comfort only made your heart race faster. The room’s clean now, you thought. It’s always clean when I’m not there. Am I the mess? Your mind spun in circles, overthinking every detail.

“I, um— I need to go to Regulus’s,” you blurted out, grabbing your jacket.

Sirius glanced over his shoulder, surprised. “Regulus? Why?”

“I just... need to get something from him.” You barely managed to keep your voice steady as you headed out the door.

Lily opened the door to the Potter household with a kind smile. “Is Regulus here?” you asked hurriedly.

She nodded, pointing upstairs. “Yeah, he’s in his room. You okay?”

You nodded quickly, rushing up the stairs and waving at James as he lounged on the couch. The moment you stepped into Regulus’s room, everything came pouring out.

“Reg—I—how did you do it? How did you settle into a relationship where you weren’t there from the beginning?” you asked in a small, broken voice.

Regulus looked up from his book, caught off guard. “What are you talking about?”

You started pacing, rambling about your insecurities, how you always felt like the third wheel in your own relationship with Remus and Sirius. Regulus listened quietly, his usual sarcasm absent, replaced with genuine concern.

“It was hard at first,” Regulus admitted after a moment. “When I started seeing James and Lily, they were already obsessed with each other. I didn’t think I fit in, not really. But over time, I realized that it wasn’t about being a third piece—they made space for me. We all had to adjust. And... I had my own insecurities too.”

You exhaled slowly, feeling some of the tension release, but your heart still raced.

“Can I stay here for a few days?” you asked quietly.

Regulus nodded immediately. “Of course, love. Let me just check with James and Lily.”

He left the room for a few minutes, and when he returned, he smiled softly. “You’re all set. Stay as long as you need.”

The next few days at the Potters’ were a much-needed distraction. You and Lily spent hours gossiping while James poked fun at you both. Regulus made sarcastic comments, but his calm presence was soothing. You were able to forget your worries for brief moments, but deep down, they still lingered.

Meanwhile, Remus and Sirius were losing their minds.

Lily had told them you were staying at their place, but she hadn’t given any details, leaving the two men in a state of panic. They replayed the last few days, wondering if they had missed something, if they had hurt you without realizing.

“Is she breaking up with us?” Sirius asked Regulus in a frantic whisper when they showed up at the Potters' house. “Please, Reg, let us talk to her.”

“She doesn’t want to see you right now,” Regulus replied, smirking a little too smugly.

But from the next room, you overheard their conversation. After a deep breath, you nodded to Regulus, letting him know it was okay.

When they saw you, their eyes filled with relief and... guilt. Sirius immediately shoved a bouquet of flowers into your hands—wild, colorful, and chaotic, just like him. “You can get as many cats as you want. Even a dog! A dragon, if you want. Otter? You want an otter? We’ll get one.”

You chuckled weakly, clutching the flowers to your chest. “A cat will do.”

Remus stepped closer, his eyes full of concern. “We didn’t mean to make you feel like you weren’t part of us. You’re everything, love. We’re so sorry.”

It took a moment for you to find the words, your voice trembling with vulnerability. “I just... I always feel like it’s two against one. Like I don’t fit in. Like I’m not really... part of you.”

Their faces softened, and Sirius gently cupped your face, his thumb brushing your cheek. “We never meant for you to feel like that. You’re not ‘one against two’—you’re part of the two. We’re all three.”

Remus took your hand, squeezing it reassuringly. “We’ll work on making sure you feel that, every day. But please, don’t ever think you’re not enough for us.”

The room filled with so many emotions—relief, love, and a lingering tenderness. In that moment, you realized how much they truly cared.

“Let’s get a cat,” Sirius murmured, his grin returning. “A tiny, fluffy one that’ll sit on my lap.”

You smiled softly, finally feeling like you belonged. “Yeah. Let’s do that.”

thank you so much for the request, love! i think i drifted away from the request a bit

[kyunzin]

☆ 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑‘𝐒 𝐏𝐄𝐓 ☆

✰ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 ✰ 𝐇. 𝐇𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢 ✰ 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 ✰ you have a failing grade. he’s more than willing to give you a bit of extra credit but not for free of course (f!reader) ✰ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒/𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 ✰ nsfw, teacher x student, semi public sex, face slapping, age gap(36 r!22), degradation, praise, hair pulling, face fucking, cockwarming, asphyxiation ✰ 𝐊𝐘𝐔𝐍’𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ✰ do not do this in real life guys this will not happen trust me. i need to sleep i'm too tired for this.

w.c ✰ 2.2k

if only you knew what you were getting into

if only you weren't so stubborn and accepted the grade

if only you knew that your teacher had a thing for sweet, innocent girls like you

you had always had a perfect record of: punctuality, attendance, and grades so it bothered you this much to have this one failing grade on your report.

never had you gotten below a 'B' so it surprised you to this this. you made sure to follow all the criteria for the task so you're perplexed as to why you failed.

you usually aced his assessments so its only natural for you to seek him out to find out the reason behind the big 'D' marked on the top of your paper and then you would find a way to boost this to at least a 'B'.

you had heard rumours before that he hardly gave out bad grades but when he did he would always allow his student to finish some tasks for extra credit.

nobody ever said what he asked them to do for him but all you know is that whenever they do their grade always gets boosted up depending on their completion of the tasks.

its said that some even go back to ask for more tasks even if their grade is perfect.

you were determined to not leave his office without changing your grade even if it meant doing unknown tasks.

in no time do you find yourself in front of his office door, with you papers ready for an explanation, knocking hastily. not even a second later do you hear him tell you to come in. you have no idea how it got to this.

one minute you're sitting across from him arguing about your grade and the next your papers are forgotten laying on top of the desk and you're sitting under his desk with his fist in your hair and his cock down your mouth.

you had no idea this was the kind of task he requested the student to do. never would the thought of sucking your professors cock, to get a better grade, have crossed your mind. let alone committing such a scandalous act in such a public setting much less.

such a studious pupil like you should feel ashamed at your actions, but the way he hoaxed you into believing this is the best thing that you could do to raise your grade leave shame as the last thing on your mind. all you want to focus on is making him feel good.

you're not even sure if this is allowed, but the second he rolled back in his chair and spread his legs beckoning you over to sit between his legs it was game over.

it would be a lie to say that you didnt find him attractive with his stoic attitude and firm build. it may have influenced your decision on agreeing to partaking in his more than improper tasks. had it have been any other professor you'd have reported them straight away.

"i didn't think it'd be this easy," he tilts your head back so that your staring up at him through you lashes with your glossy eyes just about visible to him.

there isn't much space under the desk so you're sitting on your knees, hands in your lap with your head sandwiched between his firm thighs ,that you're sure could crush you head with a slight twitch "i thought i'd have to do more to convince you"

his grip loosens for a second and he leans his head back against his chair but the second you attempt to swallow around his cock the hold is back.

"who would've thought little miss perfect would be such a perfect cock sucker" you feel his hand dragging you back off his cock with his eyes now closed.

"it cant be the first time you've done this," you'd try to shake your head but with his cock lodged down your throat as well as the minimal space all you're able to to is make a hum of disagreement as you partially look up at him.

"come on. don't lie to me, you don't want to be a bad girl do you?" the hold on your hair vanishes and moves forward to caress your face and you lean into the touch closing your eyes almost forgetting the position your in right now.

"ill have you know bad girls get punishments. you don't want that do you?" you're to lost in thought thinking about what punishment you would receive only to be snapped back into realty when you feel your cheek start to sting from where his hand connected with your face.

"don't tell me you've lost your ability to respond," his hands reach back into your hair with a loose grip "you've only been down here for a couple minutes yet you're already cockdrunk"

you have no words to respond, not that you could say them anyway, so you tilt your head down in shame trying to ignore his chuckles from above you.

"c'mon princess, no need to be embarrassed," he gently pulls your head back so he can see your eyes. "its like you were made to be the perfect sleeve for my cock"

maybe its the fact that he's the first male to show any sexual interest in you but you somewhat find some comfort in his words. at least someone is praising you even though it may not be for the most gracious thing.

he slowly starts to ease his cock out your mouth again pulling your head off ever so slowly before abruptly thrusting his cock down the back of your throat all he way to the hilt now using both hands to hold your head steady while he uses you for his pleasure.

its inevitable that you gag around his cock but he doesn't allow you any time to recuperate, instead he fucks into your mouth with vigour without so much as a care to how you're taking it.

you're struggling to breath with his erratic pace and you're starting to become light headed the longer he fucks your throat. its almost like torture for you but it seems to e the opposite for him.

the feeling of your throat jerking around him elicits deep groans from him as he chases his own pleasure using you as he pleases.

it comes to a point where your hair is dishevelled, face is a mess, tears streaking down dour face, and the lower half of your face coated in your saliva and his mess.

before you start to loose consciousness from lack of oxygen you have to frantically slap his thigh to alert him of your struggles. only then does he pull out completely letting get air but your too busy coughing and choking up all the pooled wetness that collected in your mouth.

you're only given a few seconds before his thumb in your mouth preventing you from closing it "you were doing so well s'shame you don't know how to breath properly," his free hand strokes his cock and you can see the slight glimmer from your saliva.

"next time i'll have to teach you how to control your breathing" upon hearing the prospect of a next time your distress falls to back of your mind.

your face is a few inches away from his cock and even though you just felt like you were dying with all your senses being overwhelmed with him all you want is for his cock to be back in your mouth.

you stare up up him and all you can think about is how your probably look like a hot mess while he still looks put together like that didn't just happen.

without his cock in your mouth there's no reason for your face to be in such a state but you make no move to adjust your appearance. "such a pretty cockslut you are"

an almost dumb smile rises on your face and a similar one is mimicked on his face. "if only i could keep you here forever" his thumb glides across your tongue, holding it open to the point where it starting to strain your jaw but you don't dare move.

"i'd have you warm my cock while i grade papers," your already imagining it in your head wondering if he'd let you do more than warm his cock "i bet you'd love that wouldn't you?" this might be the fastest you've nodded and it's almost enough to make you dizzy.

"of course you would. there's no need for a pretty little thing like you to be worried about exams. all you should think about is being here on my cock" you find yourself thoughtlessly agreeing with him, ignoring all the things that are wrong with what he said.

"well that can be a conversation for another day" he removes his thumb and uses his fingers to further smear the mess all over your face.

"for now how about we take care of this" he brings your attention to his neglected cock that standing proud against his stomach, leaking and dribbling down the underside of his cock.

without instruction you lay out your tongue for him not wanting to waste anymore time. "such a good girl you are. i don't even need to tell you what to do"

you close your eyes when his cock slaps down onto your tongue and focus on savouring his taste on your tongue while you still can.

he wastes no time with sliding his as much of his cock into your mouth as he can and slowly dragging it out. you would say that he's being more gentle if he didnt start driving his cock down your throat mere seconds later.

what you do know is that your taking it better than last time. you've somehow managed to learn how to open your throat so its not as hard on you.

"that's it. just keep being a good cocksleeve for me" the longer this drags on the more groans, curses, and praises leave his mouth.

your almost reaching the point where you're struggling to breath until you notice his thrusts start to loose rhythm and you feel his cock begin to pulse.

the final sign is his rushed spew of "fuckfuckfuck- that's it," now loosing speed his aim is to fit as much of his cock in your mouth as he can "just like that- fuck!"

what you don't expect is for him to push your head down and hold you there until he empties his load down your throat without warning. you can feel it failing down your throat but you're unable to swallow it properly.

only when he's sure he's emptied all his cum down your moth does he release his hold on you. "open up let me see" without question you follow his command sticking your tongue out for him to see inside your mouth, showing him the mess he created.

you had swallowed most of it so there's not much for him to see. his hand pets over your hair when he sees your mouth empty and you lean into his warmth. "you make the perfect cumdump, you took all of it without complaint"

his touch disappears but you're not bothered as much so you rest your head on your thigh peacefully content between his legs.

you hear some ruffling going on and the next time you open your eyes he's tucking back into his slacks. looking as put together as when you first walked in here.

there's a flash of a picture being taken and look up to see him setting his phone down on his desk. "it's just to keep as a memory of our fist time" you pose no argument so he doesn't say anything else. something cool touches your face and you recognise it as a wipe.

"wouldn't want you to leave hear looking like this," once you face is clean he works on mending your hair back to a presentable state "this is for me only" you can hear a slight hint of possessiveness in his tone and warms your insides.

once your appearance is decent enough he lets you up from your position and you find it a little painful to stand with your legs having gone numb from being in the cramped position for so long. he must notice your discomfort because he moves to massage your thighs to help ease the pain.

once you feel comfortable enough to walk you regretfully back away from his touch and make your way to leave his office.

your face drops when he doesn't say anything as your leaving until you hear him say "if you ever have any other questions about your grade or want more tasks feel free to come back anytime. my doors always open."

you don't respond and leave the room and if anyone sees you walk out with a stupid smile on your face they don't say anything. when you get an email about your remark your proud to see the top grade on your mark.

in class the both of you act as if nothing happened playing the perfect role of teacher and student, yet after class some have seen you follow him back into his office to 'consolidate your knowledge'.

who can blame you for going back to complete more 'tasks' the next time you hand in an assignment even though everyone knows you have a near perfect score.

© 𝐊𝐘𝐔𝐍𝐙𝐈𝐍 - 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭/ 𝐊.𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

✰ taglist ✰ @leilalilox @keikokashi

[cadencelistic]

this is gonna be specific just hear me out okay this came to me in a vision +good for writing motivation or practice or whatever

imagine reader is some famous celebrity singer actor whatever and they go on the ship for whatever reason..maybe they really like space or something idk

how would they all act towards them?? would the way theyre treated get changed from their popularity?? 😳😳😳…?i cant imagine jimmy or curly acting too different towards them but daisuke maybe?? hes a fan idk im just thinking…

I'd imagine reader got on the ship because they wanted to experience space.... And because they paid lots for it.

Both before and after crash hc >∆<

Reader death not specified

Yes there's Jimmy, he's the tw

Curly

Before-Crash:

- Confused why Pony Express gave this.. celebrity.. permission to get on a cargo spaceship.

- Tries to be nice. He doesn't act like those ppl that are super excited to meet a popular person. To him, you're just another human.

- But of course, if you make a mistake on the ship he'll go a little easy on you. He assumes you probably didn't get much.. training.

- You're his responsibility as well now! But he also is probably too busy to give you a tour of the ship, he'll ask one of the others. ( Definitely not Jimmy or Swansea. )

- If he's interested in you..... I guess, small flirts when he's off the clock. He takes responsibility!

- Compliments your work if he's a fan.

After-Crash:

- Curly feels embarrassed, and even more embarrassed if he's interested in you.

- At some point, thinks you'll come back to earth and tell everyone what happened and how bad he is at being a captain. Plus, destroying Pony Express's name that MIGHT land a lawsuit.

- During all the........ Deaths, he felt bad that a person that shouldn't even be connected to all this is paying the untold price of going on the ship with them

- Probably wanted to kill himself when he was brought to the table and saw all those corpses!!

Swansea

Before-Crash:

- Doesn't give a shit

- Probably treats you JUST like Daisuke but is a little less aggressive..

- Actually, I think he thinks you're a liability and dislikes you because you're just a rich piece of shit that thinks they can do wtv they want

- Might MIGHT complain and say that you're a liability when something bad happens

- If he's interested in you, you probably remind him of his wife by appearance LMFAO, I'm just kidding I'm not funny.

- If he's interested in you, he'll treat you a little nicer.

- I don't think he'll be a fan..... Unless you're like, Shelly Duval or Frank Sinatra or something. (RIP SHELLY DUVAL AND FRANK SINTRA I LOVE YALL)

- Won't say he's a fan though.

After-Crash:

- I have a gut feeling that he'll act like those drunk adults that go like, “Isn't this how you teenagers do it? WOO!" But like in a "Aint this how you people do it in Hollywood?”

- Says you should get less food because you dont do work around the ship. Won't say this if... He's interested, or only if he's drunk and mad or mad.

- If you die before him, he'll feel a little guilty like he does with Daisuke. I don't know if it's a lot of guilt, but enough guilt.

Daisuke

Before-Crash:

- FUCKING ECSTATIC.

- Wants a picture, and a signature. Treats you special because you're a celebrity.

- Uses his free time to be your friend. If he's interested in you, hes gonna try to impress you with his intern task (Swansea fucking hates it).

- Brings you to fuck around in the ship because I'll assume that you're about the same age, or you at least have the same age mentality.

- If he's a fan, he's way worse/better. Your decision.

After-Crash:

- Once again, if hes interested in you, he tries to be your big prince charming. When they start rationing the food, he gives you more

- I don't know if he'll prioritise you because you're a celebrity, but he tries.

- Tries to cheer you up when things get bad

- If you die before him, he kinda just............ Guilt. Yeah, thats all. Kinda feels like he didn't help enough.

Jimmy

Before-Crash:

- Thinks you're a liability 2.0

- Doesn't respect you

- Thinks you're a bitch because your life is better than his on Earth

- Probably.... JUST PROBABLY, daydreams about doing things to you so he can 'humble' you. Likes the thought of such a loved and respected person gets humiliated.

- If he's interested in you.... He'll have worse thoughts.

- Probably complains about you, in front of you.

- Not a fan, doesn't like the internet.

After-Crash:

- Now thinks youre... Still the biggest liability of the ship. In fact, you're the worst of the worst.

- Says you should get less food because you don't do any work 2.0

- If you die before him... Awesome! Doesn't care. Won't spare you even if hes interested, but cares.

- Gets married to your corpse, AGAIN I'M KIDDING. Doesn't strike me as a person who'd get married unless it benefits him, actually nevermind, go read Jambalaya Enthusiast's fic about Reader in the film industry in Jambalaya Enthusiast's Masterlist.

Anya

Before-Crash:

- Might be curious?

- She'll be nice >u<

- Yeah, she's probably the one giving you a tour!

- Anya will be a little concerned that a person like you is on the ship. In a way that she's concerned that a person who doesn't have any training is on the ship.

- She'll be glad to help you with anything, like motion sickness.

- If she's interested, she'll try to do little gestures for you. I think her love language is acts of something something, I forgot.

After-Crash:

- Anya doesn't really want you to come into the medbay and look at Curly.

- She gets super nauseous, so she doesn't want you to get super nauseous in an unfamiliar and stressing environment.

- Perhaps will give you a little of her food with you. I feel like Jimmy has engraved into her brain that she's not a good enough nurse, so she thinks she doesn't deserve the food she eats ( because Swansea and Jimmy say you don't deserve the food. )

- Comfort her, she's dying in her thoughts and wants to go to the medicine supply.......

- If you die before her, she will actually start spiralling.

[yeonmuse]

FILL THE VOID | Day 13

PAIRING guitarists WooSan x reader

WORD COUNT | 1.8K

GENRE Smut

WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ‼️ use of the word slut, oral , vaginal, anal teasing. Dom San , Soft Dom Wooyoung, mouth fucking, degradation

SUMMARY Sans grown a little too tired of how mouthy you are, So he and Wooyoung decide its about time you learned your place in the band.

MORE | Day 13 of the Groupie Love Series

Since joining the band you wouldn’t say that things were going completely smoothly. Since the moment you joined you and San had been at one another’s throats which the rest of the band found absolutely amusing especially Jung Woououng. Wooyoung had never seen anyone get San as pissed off as you would get him. While wooyoung loved how mouthy and bratty you would act at times, San hated it, and anytime you spoke all he wanted to do was put you in your place. Your little prissy spoiled attitude completely pissed San off. Tonight was the night he just about had enough of your mouth.

You had just come back from the afterparty of a friend of the band and you were completely drunk off your ass. After you having spilled a drink on the dj in your drunken state, Wooyoung and San were forced to carry you out.

“Are you fucking kidding me, I thought you were watching her?”

“Well I was warning her and then I happened to not be.”

“Wooyoung are you fucking serious? If you were going to bring us someone to join the group at least find us someone that knows how to be a grown fucking adult.”

“Oh fuck off, you’re always bitching about something.” You spoke up from your place on the couch, getting up you slowly make your way over to Wooyoung and sit on his lap, something you had usually done since the two of you were quite comfortable with each other now. His hands immediately rested on your waist, rubbing your sides reflexively.

“Oooho hear that Sannie, princess thinks you’re always bitching.” Wooyoung found the whole situation amusing as always, San on the other hand was not amused.

“Well princess have you ever taken a moment to realize i wouldn’t be bitching if you weren’t such a spoiled fucking princess that cant even think for herself.” He responds leaning in close finally shutting you up over and for all

“Lets not forget why you’re here sweetheart, prissy little nepo baby that got cut off by her parents. Remember you work for us sweetheart, you may be part of the band but you can be dropped at any moment. Then what will you do sweetheart hm?” He swipes his thumb over your lips and Wooyoungs grip on your waist suddenly falls down to your hips.

“Can’t do anything without us sweetheart can you? You’re so dependent on others now that you dont have mommy and daddys money to fall back on. Hell you can’t even think for yourself without asking Wooyoung or your best friend for some sort of approval.”

“I think you hurt her feelings Sannie she has nothing to say now.” Wooyoung chuckles, his fingers gently brushing over your neck.

“Did he upset you sweetheart hm?” Wooyoung places a soft kiss on your neck sending a shiver down your spine.

Between Wooyoungs kisses and Sans words you were completely stuck. San was absolutely correct, and it made you hate him more. For the first time in your life you were alone, you had to make your own money, your own decisions. You had never had to work for money or earn your parents approval like now. You hated it, you hated having to think for yourself, you hated that things weren’t coming as easy to you. So yes you fell dependent on them, dependent on them to tell you what to do, how to act, at this point you didn’t just need their approval you needed them to have complete control over your life so that you wouldn’t have to worry about a damn thing.

“Fuck you.” Was all you said as you looked into Sans eyes and he simply laughs in response. He could tell he struck a nerve.

“Aww you hear that she wants you to fuck her.”

“Jung Wooyoung Shut the fuck up.” San simply laughs at how quick the tables have turned and you’re now cursing out Wooyoung. Wooyoung immediately grabs your face and forces you to look at him.

“I think its time she learns how to speak to people Sannie.”

“I say she’ll end up bottoming out and having to use her hands.” Wooyoung chuckles as San who was now standing in front of you with a fistfull of your hair in his hands . They spoke about this like it was some kind of game for them. Like they found amusement in using you and humiliating you and you hated that it worked in getting you worked up. You hated that part of you had been wanting this, for them to fill that empty void you felt in yourself after realizing you had nothing to offer to the world. If it weren’t for your parents, your musical talent wouldn’t have even gotten you this far. Maybe the two of them could fill that emptiness inside you and make you feel useful.

“I can take it.” You finally speak up, earning an amused look from both Wooyoung and San. Wooyoung's little sweet and gentle act had gone away immediately. While san now stood towering over you you could feel the way Wooyoung was pressing your ass up against his bulge.

“Well look she finally knows how to speak again hm? Won’t speak to defend herself but wants to speak when it comes to getting used like some pathetic slut.” San brushes his thumb over your cheek

“I bet she’ll be a good girl for us now right sweetheart?” Wooyoung looks at you and flashes that heartwarming smile of his as you give him a nod. He gently caresses your thigh. Compared to the San he was a lot more calm and gentle but surely that wouldn’t last.

“Go ahead and Look at San Princess.” Wooyoung demands and San immediately lifts your head forcing you to stare into his eyes to distract from the pain of Wooyoung stretching you out.

“So when it comes to taking dick she listens so well, but can't follow simple instructions?” San chuckles and shoves his fingers into your mouth to make you quiet down while Wooyoung completely bottoms out inside you.

As your eyes remained locked on Sand , Wooyoung took advantage of the moment and lifted you up before slamming you back down onto his cock. When the pain subsided the way he stretched you out and the lewd sounds that spilled from his lips upon you clenching around him made it feel like heaven.

“Holy fuck.” Wooyoungs head immediately fell back onto the couch and his nails dug into the skin on your waist as he adjusted to how tight you were.

“If you keep clenching like this I’ll cum quickly.” He breathes out earning a snicker from San.

“Open up Sweetheart.”San demands before pulling his fingers from your lips. He loved the way your sweet eyes gazed into his like you were ready for him. As your mouth hangs open he smiles and immediately shoves in his entire cock down your throat, completely bottoming out.

out.

“Maybe this is what you meant for sweetheart, being a needy little toy.” He growls, his head falling back as he takes in the feeling of your mouth around him. Grinding his hips against your face as Wooyoung finally starts to move fucking into your cunt from his seat on the couch beneath you. He then forces his fingers between your folds. He releases a moan at how easily he's able to bury his fingers into your soft cunt. The squelching sounds immediately earn a groan from each of them.

You took Sans thrusts so easily, eyes trained on him above you as you begin to suck, one hand on his thigh to keep yourself still and the other on your breasts. Falling into the rhythm was surprisingly easy and felt very fucking natural with the two of them. You were quite occupied on all ends with Wooyoung fucking up into you, one of his thumb’s rubbing over your asshole as if threatening to push it in. You were feeling overwhelming pleasure on all ends, you bounced against Wooyoungs thrusts, forcing you to take San further down your throat each time. This was your opportunity to show both men you were worthy of them being chosen by Wooyoung.

While San and Wooyoung seemed to be lost in the sensation of both your holes.You on the other hand, you were a moaning mess, fingers digging into Sans thigh as he fists your hair and fucks your throat. The slurping and gagging noises that spilled past you lips were enough to make him cum right then and there, but he didn’t, he just kept fucking your pretty lips as if he were trying to permanently shut you up.

“You’ll be responsible for taking care of her throat after this jackass, she's our lead singer.” Wooyoung grunts out as he watches you gag and choke on his close friend's cock.

“Should have thought of that before she got mouthy” Following his words San forces the rest of his dick down your throat earning a cry from you as you feel the head of his cock excessively abuse your throat.

It was starting to become too much for your body to handle for your first time and your body jerked Wooyoung's lap earning a soft coo from the latter.

“Looks like sweethearts ready to cum already.” He grunts as he uses the one hand placed on your hip to make you bounce in his lap.

You were basically Squirming in his Wooyoung's lap now, overstimulating now, setting in as he mercilessly drilled into you until you felt him twitch against your walls. Wooyoung was no longer being gentle and San was now rocking his hips, fucking your mouth and muffling every moan that threatened to escape your mouth. You simply whimpered pathetically, clawing at his thigh, clenching around Wooyoung, it pulled a grunt from him, he pulled you down harder onto him forcing a cry from your mouth which was swallowed up by Sans cock.

“Shit!”

Without any warning san forces himself to reach the back of your throat as he finishes in your mouth. Shooting his load into the depths of your throat, while Wooyoung panted and moaned behind you. You squeezed your thighs together and he let out a choked moan, thrusting harder, you moved your hips so he was grinding against you as he thrust, bumping against your from behind.

He paused his thrusting, one hand came down to under your thigh, pulled your leg up to your chest. As he speeds up his pace the sound of skin on skin grows loud throughout the tour bus and as if on cue both of you cum in unison. Your head falls back onto Wooyoung's shoulder as you struggle to catch your breath.

[tapestryundone]

yknow what why not. have this from last night

(just the text under the cut)

IM INTRIGUED BY WHATEVER HE HAS GOING ON bc he likes fun but seems also deeply unhappy with himself which FEELS like it contradicts his whole being Like That but it makes Sense. why is he so self consious

it FEELS related to him as a voice being like. a desperate desire for agency at all costs. to be able to have fun in an extremely stressful situation. im struggling to put my finger on it but its liek

all of the voices are tied to complex emotions and hes like. the epitome of trying to get someone to leave you alone by doing anything you can to piss them off. like hes decided he Likes to do that, actually, and its NOT a desperate attempt to gain control in a situation where he has none, bc hes genuinely compassionate but it gets hidden behind the fact that he wants to upset hte narrator. hes the opposite of the opportunist in that he doesnt want to appeal to people who have power over him, he doesnt want to fight them or run away from them, all he wants is to aggravate them because he doesnt think he CAN do anything else. its pestering someone bc its the most power you can exert against people and situations you dont wanna be in, and then convincing yourself that its what you wanted in the first place

as a guy who likes fun DOES make him clash w the tones of a LOT of the game but i think its like. easy to look at the other voices and pinpoint what survival mechanism they are and then contrarian shows up and its less obvious

but hes a persons NEED to have fun, similar to cold. where cold has rejected the notion of emotions but still seeks novelty, contrarian NEEDS to experience joy and is trying to force it to happen, even if it involves goading the others or making bad long-term decisions. hes a very emotion-heavy voice and i think thats probably WHY hes quick to feel guilt and shame, bc it stems from teh same need to feel satisfied with actions and your environment, because in a situation like this, you CANT get entertainment from yourself. but he cant entertain anyone but himself. but he cant actually do that because its weak, poorly executed attempts at levity that falls apart under pressure

idk if this makes ANY sense im just intrigued by him. bc the stranger route started as a joke but it seems to serve as the BIGGEST outlier of a chapter in the whole game to teh pt where it can give you an entirely new ending that even goes so far as to include a second voice in the ending which makes me feel like he has to be important SOMEHOW

maybe its just the underlying emotions of it all. above all else, people want to enjoy life. it doesnt matter if life is stagnant, or if life is a unending cascade of changes, because its only bad if the people it affects do or dont enjoy it. because what the world does and doesnt need revolves around if it makes you feel good. hell i feel like theres a case for the fact that the contrarian ALWAYS gives you new, novel options. he ADDS change wherever he goes. hes the among the most connected to the shifting mound of the voices in that what he wants changes by the moment because what he wants above all else IS change and novelty. and hes a persons need for joy in life, something that is so distinctly mortal, to not just exist but to ENJOY existing, something that the narrator gave the long quiet and the shifting mound. he just extremely represents choices that are Out There. and the fact that the contrarian ascribes "the courage to do things that others may not do" as being him is ALSO interesting to me. maybe hes not just a persons ability to seek joy but also a persons ability to push back against outside pressure. a complement to the heros desire and conviction for agency, being the ability to push back when that agency is denied, to be able to live and feel fulfilled through ones OWN choices, not someone elses

and in an environment that so often denies that agency, his Whole Deal is trying to wrench back that agency even if he knows it wont work. the Trying IS the point. but in spending so much time trying to wrestle agency back you dont really pay attention to situations where you dont need to do that. because as far as hes concerned, you dont have agency, cant have agency, and wont have agency, so the best he can do is be a dick about it. as far as hes concerned, choices dont really matter. if everything is changing, if you can make EVERY choice, then do those choices matter? which always shocks him when they DO. because as an entity that exists to try to piss off those denying you agency, you dont realize where the line between 'choices that dont matter' and 'choices that have effects' are. but by his nature he ALWAYS forces his actions to matter without realizing it. maybe THATS why the knife never comes back after he throws it away. because it is in his nature to allocate agency where there previously was none. to the detriment of Literally Everyone

guy who makes agency exist but doesnt realize hes causing that and keeps acting like his choices dont have consequences

and that in itself is like. his comment abt EVERYTHING being as bad as nothing. feels like it rly strongly is tying him to what tlq and tsm once were. because they used to be the combination of everything and nothing. but now they are everything and nothing, apart. and maybe thats part of where contrarians weird self consciousness comes from, because his very existence is to force EVERYTHING to be possible, to do EVERYTHING, to cause as much change as possible, but its still not what he wants, he wants a balance that doesnt exist anymore

idk if this is making ANY sense i feel like ive accidentally talked into circles like 50 times but out of all of the voices the context of his purpose intrigues me the most actually bc i think everyone else has pretty straightforward purposes and then theres. This Guy who JUST causes problems. but its weirdly sincere about it. and i think its intentional bc blacktabbygames does not shy away from making Guys Who Are Just Obnoxious and unwavering in their goals, and for how much each of the voices so adamantly resist yet desire change, contrarian and hero are both the most malleable and changing

[feelo-fick]

Headcanon: Chilchuck and his Bad Takes on Literature

i think chilchuck would be like my mom in the sense that he wouldnt like sad stories. dont get me wrong, cautionary tales? absolutely fine. they serve a purpose to him which is to tell people "dont be an idiot and do this or else something bad will happen"

generally sad or angsty stories though? no point to him, and in his perspective its really confusing how people just read things that make them sad. like whats the use of reading something if its just gonna make you sad. whats the lesson? its not even real so it doesnt help anyone.

whats the point in making yourself cry when you could just avoid that entirely by not reading it at all?

but the one of the biggest reasons why sad stories exist is to let you release all the built up grief in you. to send you something to let out all your emotions in a healthy way. catharsis. empathy.

even when i dont relate to the tragic experiences in some stories, several ones ive read have lead me to realize that im in a bad situation or that im following in the footsteps of the character suffering. its like a wake up call.

and making yourself cry isnt inherently a bad thing. if crying allows you to let go of building pressure and tension in you then thats good!

but chil wouldnt see that. of course he wouldnt, hes avoidant of most situations that would allow him to release emotion, and fearful of letting his mature (read: repressed) persona slip.

hes someone that runs away to quick comforts and distractions at the earliest sign of issue. hes already been in too many horrifying situations, dealing with another is a pain. and he knows denying everything and refusing to look at the situation doesnt help, but it definitely provides a quick and easy happiness in the comfort of ignorance.

because of this, reading something made to make one empathize with and confront these bad emotions is defeating the point of his cowering. if he faces his issues, even if only through the perspective of a story, he'd have to deal with acknowledging that things are bad and need fixing, and he'd feel terrible and guilty in the moment - which of course is the worst thing that could happen to a person (his thought, not mine).

which is why i find the concept of him being/becoming a tragedy himself at the same time as this headcanon soooo interesting. imagine the irony of him bashing on the protagonists of tragic stories for acting on emotion and impulse rather than logic, when he himself has fallen victim to irrational thinking while in grief.

cause... thats what people do when they grieve. they lash out, make bad decisions, ruin themselves, ruin others.

for a tragedy to be prevented, the protagonists would have to change fundamental parts of themselves, and act perfectly rational when under extreme stress. and chilchuck holds himself to these kinds of unrealistic standards because he unwittingly believes he can handle it all.

he cant, obviously. we see it for ourselves in his relationship with his wife. they were doomed from the beginning by chils already-established avoidance and lack of emotional vulnerabiltiy (and whatever else his wife had going on).

this is all just to say that if you told him about orpheus and eurydice, he'd probably be one of those idiots trying to point out the "plot hole" that he couldve "just not looked back" and "just trusted her"

i dont understand. whats the point in reading tragedies? the protagonist is stupid, anyways. why would you take bitter medicine? why subject yourself to that?

i think its just a bad story.

[shiikiyun]

people into the heavily symbolic media when the media is heavily symbolic

im sorry but ill just never buy into this narrative. you dont have to agree with me when i say i forgive him or talk about the sympathetic traits i find in him but on this case i just cannot be swayed and im not taking talk backs. it doesnt make sense for his character nor for the story and theres a very easy very interesting interpretation of that frame anyway (he sees the funeral from the outside through his phone because his crime was entirely online and, unlike the other characters, there isnt a set location for anything pre/during/post murder. cause it was in his phone)

and on a personal opinion. taking this so literally and SWEARING up and down he physically showed up to the girl's house kind of defeats the whole point of his themes. every character has set themes and a societal problematic they represent (haruka- child neglect, the result of abandoning and outcasting someone from society all their life. shidou- dubious medical decisions, the ethics of very specific situations in the medical field. mikoto- overworking and masking, the consequences of a society that forces its people to conform to a norm, etc) and futa's is the mob mentality and shield enforced by social media that can easily corrupt anyone at all no matter how pure or noble their initial intentions/morals are. its about the twitter users that will kickstart harrassment campaigns before fact checking or over the most innocuous things (see: kpoptwt currently making up the most gross allegations en masse about the group lesserafim because of a made up rivalry with their label mate newjeans). if futa breached that line between online and real life by physically showing up to his victim's house (be it before or after the fact) the initial themes fall apart. cause then he's dangerous in. real. life.

at that point, what story do we want to tell? why is it that we need futa to be this horrible when his actions online are enough for people to be unable to forgive him? lets sit back for a second and question ourselves on the reason we have to turn him into a creep and believe he became a threat in real life to justify disproving his actions. why we cant simply judge him from his online behavior, that caused much harm than he couldve done in a face-to-face argument. cause that is the excuse people online will use. theyre not hurting anyone in real life, so why should their posts online define their character?

pd: you can bring up the fact that his professor situation was in real life. and youre correct. but that part of the story can easily be placed as the only needed merge of realities for his case: he didnt actually confront the professor, the university isnt as private of a place as a family house so he still has some anonimity (he made the post, but who took the picture? u could not tell if he did it himself or got it from other sources, we just know bc we saw it). not to mention it still correlates: hes brave through the screen, but a complete coward in the flesh. he took a picture of the scene whilst hiding and did nothing to stop it. as much as denouncing the professor is a good thing (and the only good thing he does in the mv), he was still a coward. as ive already explained, mixing the online actions with forced real life ones in the actual murder case he has misses this point

[arthur-lesters-balls]

ok im about to start rambling like crazy because since yesterday i cant stop thinking about this fucking scene and how it just makes stsg's future fight worse better. this is a wonderful point to stop, and think about their breakup and how it was clearly motivated by a lot more than just a clash of ideals

to get started its really interesting to think about how gojo was the one who gave the idea of going against any rules and fighting the person at the foundation of the jujutsu society for riko. he was ready to risk everything for a single kid, to grant her the life she wanted. both he and geto knew, that if they chose this path, the consequences would be irreparable. even if they won against tengen, it meant the barriers would be totally fucked up and they would likely become fugitives, but that was alright! as long as they gave riko the opportunity to be a child! to be happy! even tho they were also just teenagers themselves and its clear that this being a kickoff to turn their lives upside down sounds so similar to what happened to geto, and its why his deflection and all the lack of communication around it are even more depressing. the thing is: i cant imagine a world where gojo, knowing about mimiko and nanako, would disagree with getos attitude. even if you dont take into consideration how gojo was ready to kill the whole star cult after riko died, it just doesnt goes with what we saw of him until that point (and from that point onward too) some people disagree with this, because it goes in favor of the whole "gojo didnt had a moral compass of his own when he was a teenager" thing (which is totally wrong). to me, it doesnt. gojo had his own opinions, but he also seemed very aware of how this didnt mean he was ready for the nuances of every situation he could get caught on, and that was where talking to geto helped him. they had similar opinions, gojo felt safe being honest with him, and they were equals! who could be better to question his decisions, right? well, thats exactly why theres a whole plot line about geto looking gojo and feeling that they were no longer neck to neck when gojo goes after geto in shinjuku, its really unambiguous the fact that his goal was not to kill him, but to talk to him. gojo wanted to understand what was the meaning behind geto's actions. geto, who always made sure everything he did had a clear and well-thought motivation, would surely have an explanation for his choice. and in a certain way, he did, yes. i think its quite easy to see that gojo, who even ten years later was out there saying he would side with yuta in a fight, if the higher ups decided to kill him, would see at least a little bit of sense in the core of geto's choice if he just knew about it. but he didnt when geto decided that gojo would never understand him, he wasnt thinking about gojo disagreeing with the effectiveness of it, because geto himself knew it was a dumb idea. the heart of what he was doing, wasnt really to succeed, even tho he gives his best to make himself believe that he will. its all about choosing the murder spree he did in that village, and then doing a backward justification; its about hopelessly doing something, for the sake of doing something. if he were gojo, his plan wouldnt be stupid. if he were gojo, there wasnt any plan that would sound stupid. because gojo had the power to change the world if he set his heart on doing so, but geto didnt. what he could do was choose his path and give his best at staying at it, no matter how painful it was

[thedeviltohisangel]

There needs to be a scene where Cass is fed up with Bucky and just yells at him “YOU CANT EXPECT ME TO BE OKAY OUT THERE WHEN U ARE IN HERE! WE NEED TO BE TOGETHER I DONT CARE IF I DIE IF I GET TO BE WITH YOU”

And he’s like “you’re not fucking dying don’t say that” because he can’t even stomach it

I know it's toxic (and some people have sent me messages about it) but I do agree with this sentiment. I want to do a bit of a character deep dive to answer this.

Why does Cass join OSS? For many reasons.

-To follow in the footsteps of her brothers: She idolizes her older brothers. There is such a sense of freedom and independence that can only be inhabited by them.

-Love of country. I do think Cass has a sense of patriotism that drives her to want to do something. She is presented with traditionally feminine options, but they just don't seem like enough for her. She is perfectly primed for the OSS recruitment flyer that she sees downtown.

-Escaping Sidney Landry. This seems like the most obvious answer and is an easy reason for her to give people when they ask. But I think it's about the circumstances of life that lead to her engagement to Landy (expectations and lack of agency, etc.). I also think she has resigned herself into thinking that once the war is over, that is the life that is waiting for her. She doesn't understand she could have a career or fall in love with someone else or use this streak of bravery and ownership over her life to extend into the after. Not until John.

Which leads into me actually addressing your note. All of these things find a natural overlap in her relationship with John. There is no one who could ever understand her in the way that he does and she doesn't think she would ever want someone to. This version of her, the unvarnished/true version, is reserved only for him. So where is it supposed to go if he is not there?

It's completely irrational for Cass to do this and feel this way, yes. But the war has sped up her emotions and feelings and shortened her capacity to think before making decisions.

She loves the version of herself that she is with John and that is the only version she ever wants to inhabit. No matter what that entails.

[hardlybeest]

(not rbing/adding the user just cause i wanna use their points to say mine, not trying to cause an argument. i just think we have literal direct opposite viewpoints and hence theyre a good way for me to jump off)

like YES please support artists and especially those from youtube leaving it or pursuing other ventures. but if you do the math a lot of what watcher is saying about their budgeting issues is kinda lying (ie; "ghost files costs 100k per ep" when, ive seen people in the comments do the math and that cant be true unless theres LOTS of frivolous spending), and the obvious dramatic increase in production quality before leaving youtube says a lot to me about where their money is going. something tells me downscaling could fix the problem. not only that it wouldve been easy to do audience surveys and polling about what theyd wanna see from the company, what future moves they wanted to make, etc. even if this was the plan the WHOLE TIME entertainment, ESPECIALLY youtube, requires elastic and flexible business models.

im not gonna empathize with struggling economic experiences with the same guy who owns a tesla, flies around, and eats fucking bull balls full of gold and calls it content or whatever. and im not gonna empathize with the other two who will gladly sit aside and rake their viewers for profit. they have a patreon, and merch sales, and sponsors, and ad revenue. this just sounds like theyve been poorly managing the business from the start.

im not gonna comment much on the dropout / college humor thing cause i have never been invested in it. also i'd like to point out roosterteeth did a similar migration to a website that is free with ads and failed miserably. it doesnt always work. and as was pointed out, the audiences are different in percieving these kinds of decisions. hence why i think polling shouldve been done.

maybe im just young, dumb, and naive, but no amount of "THINK OF ARTISTS!!!!" will make me think this isnt tone-deaf and the corporate greed that inevitably consumes.

[mossdoesartshit]

i have been scouring the cult of the lamb discord and i have been scouring the suggestions forums there and... well it has certainly been a time

so, opening discussion about ratau, the red fox, questline relating to that, and "consequences of actions" (spoilers ahead)(also i will get heated. this is not a hate post of any sorts, just me wanting to yap, you are free to disagree)(very long post ahead, there is a tl;dr at the end but it is not free of spoilers)

The red foxes questline works like any other npc, you give them stuff, and they give you pieces to get fleeces and such.

for his last one, he asks ratau, should you give the rat, you get a fleece piece, you get a follower form, and a little amount of lore by the lonely shack. if you do not, you get none of these, just a questline waiting indefinetly to be finished.

so why is this a big point of contention?

well, people wanting ratau to come back as a follower (a case i will not argue for nor against, i see value and merit in both answers) causes a stir, people discussing ratau dying in their game causes a stir.

"well its just the consequences of your actions"

so what actual consequences are there?

well. the knucklebones gang and ratoo wonder where ratau is, no clue to any of them about such ideas. you lose access to the easy mode of knucklebones (which, now that we have a knucklebones table at base barely matters since knucklebones difficulty scales with follower levels). you cant talk to ratau. you get a little awkward when ratoo mentions him and go "haha bye!", and possibly a sad feeling for when you do it.

but. but the game almost more rewards you than it punishes

the developers said that they wanted the player to make a "difficult decision" and this is why they wouldnt consider bringing him back, and people say that this is substantial consequence enough. but it does not change anything about how you play the game

"erm but the consequence is youre sad" for like a second. majority of players dont even find his notes, there are no LASTING consequences, just a small one.

like i want to apologize to all the ratau fans because every time i see anything about ratau, consequence people want others to be MISERABLE about him getting killed, and say that if you want to bring him back in a meaningful way of sorts (i saw an idea of having to fight the fox for ratau, ratau being angry at you and leaving and you get him as a follower after you apologize and get him out of all the bad status conditions and only then you get him) and STILL they get told "youre avoiding consequences"

i dont mean to be rude with this, but it will come across as such

THERE IS NO MEANINGFUL CONSEQUENCE TO RATAU'S DEATH RIGHT NOW.

ratau is little else than an obstacle in completion, or a character people project headcanons to, but there is NOTHING that changes your game in lasting and impactful ways, getting like 4 lines of dialogue, notes, and feeling sad that the lamb is crying is NOT a consequence, UNLESS you were emotionally attached to him, and you have VERY LITTLE REASON TO feel emotionally attached to ratau, he is just a tutorializer and gets barely any characterization, objectively more content for him would not hurt, he was the previous crown holder and didnt DIE for not doing things right by the one who waits? thats UNFATHOMABLY INTERESTING.

for shamuras sake, the RAINBOW WORM gets more consequences after you fight him, he is PERMANENTLY terrified of you, and even that is very little consequence, but its still more than ratau.

if we wanted to argue for consequences, its been suggested knucklebones gang would not let you into the lonely shack anymore, but my idea has always been to ratoo

ratoo, after some time would find out what happened to his brother, and when the lamb next enters his area "how dare you. you dare show your face to me after what you did to my brother, what you did to the little family i have, i should not let you use my kindness for those seeking refuge through these difficult lands for how you betrayed him

but

my brother would not have wanted you suffering either. and i cannot lie and say that seeing your face doesnt bring some sort of company to an old fool like me. so you are welcome here still. but do not mistake it for anything more than honouring my brother" and he no longer heals you to full health, only half of what you were missing

actual tangible long lasting consequence to what you did, it changes how gameplay works, you have actual pros and cons to weigh out should you look things up before playing the game.

tl;dr

ratau's characterization is pretty much entirely fanon. the consequences that are there are so minor a large part of the playerbase dont even consider them consequences, and as it stands hes treated as a much more important character compared to the screentime he does actually have. will not lie i did not hesitate in killing ratau off and that should not be the reaction to what the devs wanted to be a "difficult decision"

[clownrecess]

I was wondering, why don't you speak? Is it a conscious decision for your own comfort or is it that you physically can't? /g /nf

(tw for extremely brief trauma mention)

When I was a small child, I didn't have any speech delays. I developed oral speech at the same time as my peers and was able to adequately communicate using oral speech.

When I was 8, my ability to use oral speech was still existent, and for the most part easy, however when I became distressed oral speech was notably more tiring for me, and would result in me becoming more frustrated and upset. I don't believe this was noticeable to anybody else, but it is something I remember experiencing.

When I was 9 (which was a particularly traumatic time for me), I began loosing speech for short periods of time (like 30 minutes to two hours), and had made a bad quality communication board that I would use around my friends, and had an AAC app on my phone that I would use at home sometimes (albeit it was not taken seriously, and was seen primarily as something I was doing for fun). During these times I physically could not use oral speech, my brain felt like it was preventing me from accessing my oral speech.

At around 10 my difficulty using oral speech increased, and I would have no access to oral speech for time periods of around one day to a week.

When I was 11 I had my first long period of no oral speech, which was four months. During this time I originally began using a free AAC app on a really old android tablet that barely worked. Later on my school provided me with an I-Pad that had both LAMP Words For Life and Proloquo2go on it. I used both, but mostly LAMP because my speech therapist at the time thought it would be better for my personal motor skills.

After that four months I was able to use impaired oral speech at home, but not at school, this lasted for one or two months. During this time I got an android tablet with TalkTabletPRO on it.

After this I used oral speech full time with only very short two hours long nonspeaking periods during times I was really upset (for example when my fish died), for around a year (which was extremely exhausting, because I was forcing myself, which ended up making my mental health horrible and I was terribly burnt out). I was forcing myself to use oral speech at the time because me using AAC was accepted, but treated as less than, and I was scared people would be angry with me.

When I was 12 my oral speech was slowly beginning to decline again.

Later on (maybe mid 13?) I lost all oral speech for two days, and then eventually having oral speech that was really impaired. During this time I also only had acsess to oral speech at home, and not at school. Eventually resulting in a longer fully nonspeaking period.

This continued for a very long time, and my oral speech fluctuated a lot, ranging from short nonspeaking periods to longer ones.

Where I am at currently, I have acsess to zero oral speech (outside of occasionally mumbling hard to understand words when alone as a stim, or to my gecko. These words would not be able to be understood by other people.).

I currently use the same tablet that had TalkTabletPRO on it, except I now use Avaz instead of TalkTabletPRO. Avaz works much better for me, and allows me to use the voice I want to use.

It feels like there is a wall or block in my brain that stops me from acsessing the area of my brain that oral speech is located. I can try to use oral speech, but often times it just physically will not come out at all, or it will come out but is fully incoherent and I cant even understand it. Usually it just wont come out at all, though. It is not a purposeful thing I do for comfort, I physically can not speak.

I use a few different terms to describe my speech, but I usually say I am nonspeaking, primarily nonspeaking, or situationally nonspeaking. I do not feel that the term semispeaking is fitting for me, because I am not a speaking person who loses speech when under stress. I loose oral speech under stress, yes, but also loose it for no reason, and when I loose oral speech it is not usually for short periods. I loose speech for long periods of time and when I do use oral speech it is often impaired (usually just stuttering, but sometimes it is fully incoherent or doesnt match up with what I want to say.). I am also nonspeaking most of the time, which also makes me feel that semispeaking isnt the term for me. I feel most comfortable with being called nonspeaking or primarily nonspeaking, but situationally nonspeaking is also okay. I use AAC almost full time.

My experience is different than life long nonspeakers, because I am a nonspeaking person who lost consistent speech later in life. When I say I am nonspeaking online people tend to think I am a life long nonspeaker, and I want to make it clear I am not. Whilst it is important to listen to my experiences too, it is also important to listen to the experiences of life long nonspeakers.

[spacedlexi]

i just think a "friended/romanced + saved + trust aj" violet does such a good job rounding out the plot and characters of S4 and i dont say that lightly

she walls people off out of fear just like S3 clem did and learned to grow out of through the compassion of others. feeling like she could have done more to save minnie being what initially makes her step up to lead, but her accepting her love for clem (and clem choosing to save her) is what leads to her Truly accepting the school and everyone inside it as her Home and gives her something to fight for ("i tried my damnedest not to care about either of you. and i still couldnt tell you why." "i know where youre coming from. after losing so many people, sometimes its easier to keep everyone at arms length." "and then you wonder why you fight so hard to stay alive. i dont wonder anymore."). this being the reasoning behind violets detachment from the school, as well as a negative home life impacting her idea of what a home even was. but together they turn ericson from a prison into the home theyve BOTH been looking for, renaming it together, and envisioning it for the future together. the two of them understand each other deeply, from what theyve lost to how its affected them and the poor ways theyve decided to react to it. but through their support of the other, they BOTH get to evolve into more relaxed and confident versions of themselves, who know Exactly what theyre fighting for

her troubled relationship with brody and getting to learn more about what happened with the twins/violets reaction to it and how she ultimately blames herself/brodys guilt about her part in it and how she misses violet. getting the chance to mend that relationship before its too late. the 3 of them becoming closer because of it. and getting to develop clems friendship with brody leads to a more impactful moment later in the basement

her relationship with tenn reflecting clems relationship with aj, in the way they both made the decision to look after their respective boys after their primary guardians died (ajs parents, tenns sisters). both of them can understand the responsibilities they have taken upon themselves, and how hard it can be to do right. the 4 of them become a tight knit group quickly. especially in EP2 as vi supports clem while tenn supports aj through the marlon fiasco

her confused relationship with minerva introducing interesting conflict both within her relationship with clem (who has her own personal conflict with minerva, which vi still ties into through her relationship with both minnie and tenn) and the over arching plot, which has themes of learning when to let someone go because they are no longer who they once were (clem and lilly "we were family once", mitch about ms martin "you get all caught up in who people used to be, and you cant deal with whats in front of you", violet about minnie "the real minnie? shes been gone this whole time and i have to stop mourning her")

having a saved violet on the boat expanding the conversation with minerva about her motivations with the delta. violet apologizing for never looking for her, minnie saying she knows she would have but that its too late now, so sure this is just the way things have to be. getting to hear minnie say "you can be rewarded, just like i am", giving us insight into her character. and clem getting the last word before she rams the door down, her and violet fighting minnie Together. and violet saves clems life, making the Choice to shoot minerva, which in and of itself is a huge moment for violets character in regards to her relationship with both minnie And clem

and aj shooting tenn on the bridge brings things full circle, by putting violet in the same position louis was in EP2, where aj has killed the most important person to her, in an effort to save her life, and now she must reckon with those feelings the same way louis had to about marlon. not so easy now is it violet? ("so youre mad, but sad" "can i be that for a while?" "yeah, its ok")

just... ough... violets whole character just fits into Everything so well, but in a way that elevates the characters and plots around her, while also developing her into her own

[achaotichuman]

Day 7 of ACOTAR Games: This or That

Who is the worse criminal?

Feyre: For stealing relic from Summer, destroying an entire court during a war

Rhysand: Limiting to the crimes against his own court, segregating Illyrians. Subjugating Hewn City. Abandoning his court except Velaris and forcing his Inner Circle to do the same under Amarantha’s reign. Ordering Velaris to discriminate against Hewn City visitors. Destroying his low class citizens’ living quarters to trap one woman. (*sighing* Literally everything he’s done since he showed up)

You may recruit your tribe in your crusade if it pleases you. Your contenders: @litnerdwrites @fenrysmoonbeamswife @gwandas @positivelyruined @hrizantemy @yaralulu @umthisistheonlyusernamenottaken

I apologise for the brief break. I was possessed by demons of the mind. To keep things fair, you may ask me a question, anything except about my identity (name, blog, or works).

First off, I am so sorry, I thought I answered this ages ago, turns out my old ass laptop cant do a single thing I tell it too.

ANYWAY ANYWAY DO NOT BE SORRY FOR BEING GONE, I DID MISS OUR TALKS BUT I HOPE THE MIND DEMONS ARE GONE FROM YOU!!

Your question from my end shall be, which is your favourite ACOTAR villain and why?

OKAY ONTO THE ACTUAL QUESTION.

this is a very easy one for me personally, its obviously Rhysand, however I do think people tend to sweep under the rug just how much of what Feyre said and did was all Feyre with little to no imput from Rhysand himself.

Feyre was a young girl, taken advantage of by an older man who physically assaulted her until she agreed to signing half of her life away from him, she only just manage to bargain it down to a quarter. He then isolated her with only his friends and fed her lies, hid things from her and stoked the resentment she already felt towards people, for instance Nesta, Tamlin and Lucien, artificially causing her to harbour a grudge against them.

This obviously is going to affect her actions in regards to them, causes her to make irrational decisions regarding them and introduces a bias she didn't previously have.

This was all by Rhysand's design, however there are some things that Feyre does that are entirely outside of Rhysand's control. She acts on impulse and very often does not consult other people. She does do this all through ACOMAF and ACOWAR, even to the point that *Rhysand* doesn't trust her entirely.

Some things she does that are entirely of her own sick mind are, mind-raping Tamlin's sentries, sexually abusing Lucien, emotionally abusing Tamlin, and laying out a path for Hybern to attack the Spring Court.

Does this make her worse than Rhysand? No. But I do think it's interesting how some people claim the argument that ACOTAR Feyre would never even think to the things ACOMAF-ACOWAR Feyre does, when... nope. ACOTAR Feyre was just as impulsive, she just didn't have as strong a bias.

[im-out-of-it]

season 2, episode 4, part 3 “day of wrath” continued (long because I went on a bitchfest so sue me)

66. I always love watching Magnus’s expression when they’re about to summon Camille. this is not something that is easy for Magnus to do but he’s doing it because it needs to be done (I don’t know how to flip it but whatever) (I don’t have a degree or common sense in IT but I tried) (so be nice to me )

67. Magnus looks so devastated knowing he will have to betray Camille

68. ah shit, my poor alec

69. now Alec looks so devastated. okay but Alec couldn’t have known. anyone would have done what he did. Valentine may be a hypocritical bad villain but he is good about making sneak attacks and using his resources. you can bet your ass that anyone would’ve done the same especially jace and clary. they would be too busy ogling each other. (how they are in charge in the books always baffles me) how was Alec supposed to know that a demon sneakily got into the institute? he doesn’t have eyes and ears all over the place

70. Simon, some people get excited about dirt (I couldn’t resist- also don’t like small gifs so I used them both AND I CANT BELIEVE HE IMPROVISED THIS SHIT)

71. yes clary, the institute loves to gossip. it’s boring waiting around for demons to show up

72. Izzy: be fucking grateful for once bitch

73. Izzy is way toooooooo nice to clary. Clary is one of those people that just suck the energy right out of ya

74. Izzy: not everyone can be Isabelle Lightwood

75. too be fair, she makes it look easy 🥰

76. “so maybe you should be glad you have one who wants to try and make things right.” MY GIRL IZZY LEFT NO DUST!!!!!! no because clary is one of thee most ungrateful people around. she’s allowed to be upset at her mother for lying, but Jocelyn does anything she can to protect clary while Maryse has been a cold hearted cunt to Alec and Izzy so just be appreciative for once clary

77. Lydia, I would suggest being nice

78. YEAH THATS MY MAN ALEC

79. meant to post these before (Alec investigates and jace has dreams of ugh clary)

80. Lydia gave it her all so maybe raj will watch his mouth next time lmaooo

81. I don’t see why they didn’t have Alec shoot the smoke but I guess they need Alec to keep suffering and enduring for no reason

82. I also want to point out from a recent discussion I had that Alec did not need to endure all of this. he’s gone through hell from season one and now. he’s almost died twice, sorted through complex feelings, almost got married, and is having my boyfriend is immortal crisis and I’m not. like did Alec really need to go through this? I feel like they wanted it to be almost payback for Alec not wanting clary around and all of the stuff he’s said

83. I’m on board for Jocelyn dying but let’s remember, alec didn’t choose to kill her. the demon finds anger and hurt and it chooses its victim. Alec didn’t go on a plan to kill Jocelyn no matter how tempting it is. and remember, Jocelyn would have been fine if Alec died all for finding clary. she didn’t seem to mind giving him that stone. so I’m just saying, at least Alec wasn’t being intentional about this. and Jocelyn knew what could happen with that stone but she didn’t care as long as clary was protected 🙄

84. I can’t stand this episode for many reasons but it felt like a smear Alec campaign. has this man not been through enough? Maryse practically disowned him, he had all his shit in season one, almost lost Izzy, was constantly betrayed by someone who is supposed to be his brother and bestie, and almost died twice. and I’m no way trying to play the gay card but Alec is in the top five people who go through the most shit but also why is the gay man going through some of the worst possible shit???

85. Magnus izzy Maia Simon also Raphael are included but Alec is constantly getting judged for other peoples decisions, the blame goes on him, he almost dies thrice for someone who wouldn’t save him given the time of day, and he’s got so much hurt and anger inside him. I’m honestly upset they never let Alec process anything. literally he doesn’t marry Lydia and dates Magnus but there’s no time to process because jace leaves so let’s make it all about jace!!!!!!! I love the show for putting Alec first but I’m hurt that he hardly gets to process anything. it’s an upgrade for sure from the books but no one really talks about all he endures

86. and clary does say she’s not upset at Alec but she still blames him in a way. Alec didn’t seek Jocelyn out but she did seek alec out with the stone in episode 2. they never processed Alec’s dark side and I think that’s a shame because Matt is a very gifted and talented actor and I think he would have excelled at that. y’all can fucking quote me- Matt would have killed a more dark serious role. and after all the shit Alec goes through, his villain arc would’ve been warranted and justified at this point. he’s very good at the comedic timing, being serious, changing his character up but having alec go dark alec would have been very fun to watch. I have full confidence that Matt would’ve pulled it off EASY

87. speaking of Matt, I always love his interviews so let’s take a breaky break

88. HE JUST GETS ALEC

89. I’m done gushing for now BUT I CANT HELP IT!!!!!! Matt talking about Alec’s arc because he is summing up how a lot happens in season one and it’s not the books and basically how Alec doesn’t matter in the books. he just really fucking gets Alec more than CC understands Alec. after all, she wanted to kill him off first book and the way she treats the lightwoods shows how much she can’t stand any of them. Matt is a hardcore Malec and Alec and Magnus shipper and I love him for that. he gave Alec the potential he so needed!!!!!!!!!!

90. where the fuck was I?????? oh that’s right, alec just saved Lydia AGAIN but she saved him too

91. trial by mortal sword ⚔️ 🗡️ ah shit

92. I’m going to post the video of Magnus talking about Camille in the next one 🫶🏼

93. poor Magnus having to make one of the hardest choices in his life. Camille saved him and has been an old friend of his. it’s going to be very painful for Magnus to do this. he’s not someone who willingly betrays an old friend and lover but Camille has gotten out of hand. I wish they didn’t get rid of her

94. I mean Magnus is still a human being with thoughts and emotions and who goes through challenges and hardships but valid Simon

95. well last time you’ll see your mother clary, say bye (also forgot this one, slay Izzy)

96. I wonder if Jocelyn knew that clary was desiring jace romantically before she had her heart yanked out (THANK YOU ALEXANDER)

97. because it’s very obvious to us

98. I’m still mad we were robbed of more Alec

99. like imagine a dark Alec arc. instead of seeing jace be saved or clary like a dark Alec or Magnus would have been ten times more fun to see plus Matt and Harry would have killed it but what do I know I’m totally fucking biased

going to stop at 100 and will start part four tomorrow and it should probably be the last one since there’s about 13 ish minutes left