#why can’t this still just be the poo poo pee show

[charmac]

The Waitress' Growth though from simping for Dennis and being willing to do basically anything to try to be with him to seeing what a petty pathetic manipulative monster he is and not giving a fuck about him and standing up to him when he's being a misogynistic asshole

Insane!!! Like holy shit, all of the characters are really, actually developing… They’re finally seeing each other and themselves for what they are.

Ireland shifted something… Look at her. Look at them. Where are we going now…

(And her dynamic with Charlie, too, I mean wow. Look where we’ve settled we’re like. We got like. Full development, post arc, circling around and settling to definitive existence, huh. Wow.)

[prettysymbiosis]

I’ve been trying to get these thoughts out for days but basically I feel like the unifying theory of s16 (as I see it) is a conscious exploration of the dichotomy between sunny as a classically bold and brash pee pee poo poo comedy and sunny as a thoughtful, nuanced and subtle show about flawed people and also about itself, at times (by that I mean the meta isn’t always about macdennis or the other characters but about sunny itself - win an award, clip show, big mo, etc). the trailer actually captures this dichotomy well through the dialogue clips and animations, as well as the pinned comment which said “get ready for a whole lot of subtlety.” it’s still so baffling to me that sunny can simultaneously read as one of the most loud, obnoxious, unsubtle shows ever on television, OR it can be so subtle and allegorical in the writing of later seasons that most viewers would think people like us are crazy for reading so much into it even though we’re really not. this kind of self-reflective flavor is another product of the rewatch/podcast project which has been almost universally agreed to have had a very positive effect on the writing.

anyway having said that, I want to just share my notes on the first two episodes without trying to edit them too much. I’m bolding the points that I personally haven’t seen anyone else mention yet and putting a 😎 next to ones that evoke a Classic Sunny VibeTM because that’s important to the experiment of this season.

the gang inflates

macden fun/domestic/DUMB again 😎

something something never committing to the couch when it was absurd not to and it ended up costing them so much macdennis blah blah

dennis hanging up on dee was so funny to me oops 😎

and the WHOLE dee (as a character and specifically the female character) thing about being minimized to an absurd degree. I like to think the bog was a turning point for dee and the show is gonna do better by her now hopefully by recognizing her plight in a more serious way, like the way the guys have been doing?

are mac and dennis…… you know…… like for real??? as many have said, it could totally be revealed kind of retroactively to undercut the shock and be like “honestly we’re surprised you didn’t notice sooner” I feel like that is something rcg would do. suggestive clues:

“I don’t wanna talk to you about–” “a TON”

or is dennis like well that’s news to me jealous vibes??

“I figured you were man” ??

“I’m getting a little concerned about our nut”

“you truly have no reason to be sleeping with frank”

they specifically put a lil reaction shot of dennis after mac says “that’s a lotta blowin” a la the lil grin in gets romantic and, well, I just think that’s a choice that was made

“it’s not homophobic” is that so?????

when mac is like “you think we got rid of our furniture too soon/that the business plan won’t work” it’s kinda like no it’s not the committing to what they have, it’s that mac still has big denial problems and dennis can’t work with that… maybe? but so does dennis tbh

in a show-meta sense it’s like, we should be less worried about whether the gay gay-ass love story will alienate people and more worried about how these characters are too ridiculous to even let the love story play out effectively. they need mental health days if we are ever to have nice things

it’s possible mac denying his reaction to the allergy has to do with his body dysmorphia?

also it occurred to me that maybe part of why rob is clean-shaven this season is so they could do those prosthetics more easily?

those handprints though…. I hate everything

oh also just the bed scene. its existence

the zoomed in neck touch of course

“I’m not going to do it!” “..okay” dennis keepin his cool :)

mac’s shirt! COOLER HEADS PREVAIL

just the sheer silliness of inflatable furniture - is there some metaphor here lol?

in a general sense could inflates be taken to mean flanderizes? also maybe it’s just implied but I noticed I hadn’t actually seen anyone mention inflation as a sexual kink and like, that was part of the intention right? if so, 😎

charlie “uhhhhhhhh… yep.” poor charlie :( he doesn’t want to live in a maze (like a rat)

“well then you’re just like being a predator” :( so here for charlie calling out bullshit with frank and mrs. mac and even his own mom so far in these first two eps

charlie just giving up and yelling in frustration which is kinda what bonnie does in ep2 (and ep3 based on trailer)

the gross horny male objectifying thing 😎

rob put his whole pussy into this episode

charlie saying “I don’t get why he doesn’t take me seriously” and dee saying “that’s gotta be maddening” 🙃

cats in the alley my loves 😎

gluing dee a pillow on the wall <3

“consider it an offering” “of war??” this says so much. must everything be a conflict?

charlie’s hair looks so crazy and good in the sleepover scene and also he’s so smart

charlie asks frank to “return everything to the status quo” by the end of the episode, sitcom style. full reset, no progression. except charlie is asking that frank not endlessly take advantage of the fact that mac and den can’t figure their shit out, not totally push dee out just because it’s easy, not make light of the trauma charlie has from what happened to him. all that stuff IS the status quo! so what is he really asking for? this is one of the bits of writing that I think is also about the show as a show, and how they’ve approached these dynamics forever. 

it’s funny that people are saying this season is such a return to form because it is, but it’s also so much more self-aware of what that form is/was and how deeper elements can coexist within it. they’re really walking with a foot in both worlds here and they’re doing it well. love this for them and for us, the people who know what it’s always sunny in philadelphia is REALLY about

“we’ll take you to the hospital, and they’ll have nuts. and you can– you can die there.” hahahah

[aliferoze]

Ghost story and a ghost car story

My encounter with a possible ghost car in Ontario!

If grammar is bad or had to read feel free to change it… not a good speller…

When I was 14 me and my brother 22 were out in about grabbing dinner at around 10:30 pm. We were going to are local restaurant In the plaza after grabbing are dinner. we were leaving the parking lot we where turning out of the parking lot after looking both ways this purple classic car comes out of no were and almost hits us. there where no light on the car and we didn’t see any light until the car almost hit us the lights where so bright almost blinding. The car disappeared after the encounter it was like it never happened I haven’t seen this car again and I still go to the restaurant in this sometimes. I do hope to see it again to confirm if it is real

Now my friends story It was a dark and rainy night, probably around midnight. I was getting ready to go to bed so I was starting to turn off the lights and tvs in the house. Afterwards I was bringing my dog out with my girlfriend so he could pee/poo before going to bed as I normally do. My girlfriend and I also like to go out and smoke before bed because we both have trouble sleeping. After my girlfriend had smoked she took the dog inside to dry him off from the rain while I stayed outside a bit longer to smoke. As my girlfriend goes inside she jokingly locks the door with the deadbolt lock so I could hear it. Obviously I sarcastically laugh and she does the same. For context the door in question is a glass door so I can easily see her and in the house. I had heard her touch the deadbolt lock again assuming she had just unlocked it. I begin smoking while listening to the rain as I stand under a little steel gazebo covering my father’s BBQ. After I finish smoking I pack up my things and head to the door. I get to the door and it appears to be locked still. So I say to myself “maybe I’m not pushing hard enough” so I try again pushing a little harder. Still nothing. So then I think to myself “she must have left it locked and forgot to unlock it”. So I pull out my phone and send her a text saying “bro”. I wait around 20-30 seconds and no response. I then decide to spam her until she answers. I repeatedly say “hello” over and over and over again and finally she answers. “WHAT?!” She replies with. I said “let me in” then she doesn’t reply again for another 20-30 seconds so I call her and as the phone is ringing the sensor light turns off. I thought nothing of it because that happens all the time. Luckily the sensor was in arms reach so I start waving my hand to get it to turn on. For some reason the light wasn’t turning back on. My girlfriend picks up the phone “why are you spamming me?” She asks. I say “come open the door” which she replies with “I unlocked it”. Now I’m still thinking to myself that she probably just forgot but believes she unlocked it. As she starts coming downstairs I hear a noise come from the farthest point of the backyard. Keep in mind the light still hasn’t turned back on for some reason. She’s still on the phone with me as she stands in front of the door watching as I show her I can’t open the door. She then says “it’s literally unlocked” and I try again and still nothing. She then looks really closely if she could see the deadbolt in the crack of the door and she even moves the deadbolt to see if she left it locked by accident. So she opens the door and tells me that the deadbolt was in the unlock position the entire time even when she was watching me trying to get inside. Once I was finally inside the light decided to turn on after I shut the door behind me and locked it. Both my girlfriend and I can’t explain what had just happened and to this day we still can’t. The next morning my girlfriend told me something even more bone chilling. She had told me that once we had gone to bed she was still having a hard time going to sleep when i on the other hand fell asleep almost instantly, started hearing a phone ringing from downstairs. Now by the time this was happening it was probably closer to 1:30-2:00 am. She then said after she stopped hearing it ring she started hearing footsteps come up the stairs. This is where the panic started settling in. She told me she was waiting for our door to open or something to happen after the footsteps reached the top of the stairs but nothing happened. So now we’re both confused as to what was happening that night. What was trying to keep me outside that night? What was coming up the stairs that night and whose phone was ringing? I guess we’ll never know.

more me and my brother stories

[cautionworks]

Okay, so I wanted to write some NSFW Headcanons for Hisoka. All of these headcanons I said are purely based on my interpretation. I have read some other Hisoka headcanons before but I forgot about them a while ago. Plus I know nothing about actual sex. So I'll have fun writing this. Here we go lol.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

It depends on who's he with. If it was just a one-night stand he won't attempt to be comforting or try to care about the other party. The most He'll do is clean himself and nothing more. If he had a "significant other" that's a different story. He would cuddle the hell out of you. I imagine him as a clingy person (Which I hate). Once he's finished he just wants to fall asleep with you under his arms. He finds it relaxing to have your back against his chest. Especially when it's soft.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

The back. I do not know why but I have the feeling that he would like a person's back. Especially if the person has slightly defined back muscles. Something about a person's back seems so vulnerable to Hisoka that he leans towards it whenever he’s behind someone he finds attractive. It's part of the reason why he likes to be behind people. Because he feels it's the most vulnerable place and he won't hesitate to take advantage of it when it comes to his enemies. Seriously don’t have this man around women with shirts that expose the backside. Or bikinis. He will not stop staring. Now I think about it I think he’ll like a virgin sweater.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically... I’m a disgusting person)

Hisoka will eat it/swallow it. He's no stranger when it comes to being nude in his abode. So him being in his natural self, he won't hesitate to taste his own or his partner's bodily fluid. (Not pee you weirdos).

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Hisoka is a secretive man. It's literally what his name means. When asked direct questions he'll find a way to dodge them without seeming suspicious. And he's a liar. But when it comes to the bedroom. It's another side of him. He's not so secretive about it. It's just no one asks him about it and so he never felt the need to mention it. But when he did he will say it all. This man has done very risque things in his life. He once fucked a girl in an office building right after he killed her boss. There’s was a huge gathering of people including the girl's boyfriend. And he did it in one of those rooms where there's a glass that's see-through on one side and the other is not. Which the boyfriend happened to be there. You can guess which side he did it on. In the end, that girl was left with the time of life of her life and the loss of her partner and her job.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Extremely experienced. I'm sorry I'm a firm believer that Hisoka got laid many times by various women and men. If he's so strategic and calculated in fighting people then it's no surprise that he has skills in the bedroom. Plus he needs the release. I can't imagine how bored and frustrated he is when he can't kill anyone or there are no strong opponents. So it's understandable that he looks for partners to ease his stress. If there's nobody available at the moment. Then he will do what any man would do. Le master debate.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Again this one depends on who's he with. If he just with one of his late-night booty calls he would do the normal doggy style. If he's with someone he's heavily interested in. He will do all sorts of positions. His favorite position is where he can always see your face. Because one he wants to know if he's doing a good job. Two. He likes to watch your face morph into different facial expressions as he touches you in different ways.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He can be hella silly sometimes. If he's having sex with you for a while he will feel comfortable being playful. Of course, he can be serious if he needs to. But that rarely ever happens. The only times he would get serious if he was actively trying to get you pregnant for whatever reason. Which is not an issue. He uses bungee gum. It contains rubber and gum. Free condoms everyone. (Lol)

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Oh hell yeah the carpet matched the drapes! You were surprised that it was the same hair color as his hair. You were so in disbelief that you considered that he just dyed it. Which was not the case. Let's just say Hisoka likes to keep things short. Normally you would find it to be shaved. Yet, sometimes he'll leave some hair to grow. A little hair never really bothered him.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect...)

*sigh* This one depends. Ima skip this one because Hisoka is not romantic. Just kidding. Because I think he would be good in the bedroom, I think he CAN be a romantic partner. Romantic how? I don’t know he can be that’s all there’s to it. (Talk about laziness)

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He does it more often than the average person. Like I said in my (E = Experience) Hisoka would do it if there’s nobody available at the moment. What I didn’t say is where and when he would do it. He’ll do it anywhere. This man has no shame. He will do it in a church, public bathroom, or hospital bed. Inside or out. It did not matter to him. Unless if it was raining. That would be his own little rule but he breaks it all the time. For some reason, many opportunities for sex happened to be on rainy days. When? He’ll do it even when he has a mission to do with Illumi. If he’s in the middle of a job and He's in horni mode. He’ll find a way to release without anyone knowing. He could do it right in front of a person without them knowing. Sometimes he just stands there with an orgasmic face on. The only way he’s able to masturbate in public is because he is using bungee gum. I know for a fact he’s use’s this ability in his sexual encounters with people especially for himself. This man could just stand there and you wouldn’t know if he was just being weird or he’s just doing it again.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

KINK SHAMING IS HIS KINK! I’m just kidding. Without a doubt, Hisoka would have one or two kinks. Bondage. Bondage. Bondage. As boring and well known this kink is. It makes sense at least to me it does. Hisoka bungee gum ability can grab, stick or even trap a person. So he finds pleasure in watching his partner's skin be wrapped in his bungee gum. He has so much control over it. How tight it can be. How rubbery or gummy it can be depending on the situation.Another thing I’d like to say. Hisoka is A SADIST AND MASOCHIST. He likes giving and receiving pain. That’s just how it is.

L = Location (Favorite places to do they do)

Anywhere that has a good spot to fuck you against something. Any surface that he can place you on. But if he were to have a “favorite place” it would be in places that are morally wrong to do or somewhere exciting like a carnival/circus. Hisoka hasn’t set limits to himself so usually, it's his partner that sets the boundaries.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

If he sees you in revealing clothing (Especially if your back is completely exposed) his wood is rising. You could just be lying on your stomach on the couch, scrolling on the phone. If you’re wearing a bra or nothing on and Hisoka happens to be there. There’s no doubt he'll find ways to lay his hands on you. It's not just the back that could turn him on. THIGHS AND HAMSTRINGS will have the man going. In particular, he likes it when it's Thicc/meaty. My man likes dem Thicc thighs. (Lol)

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

This one is only one of my most important headcanons ever. And I won’t accept anything other than this. Rape/Noncon. Hisoka does not find any joy in forcing himself on his partners. It’s not fun for him if his partner isn’t enjoying it either. The biggest turn-off for him would have to be anything related to bodily wastes like pee or poo.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Oh, he likes receiving it more than giving it. But that doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy giving his significant other pleasure too. I would say his skill level is pretty good. Let’s just say when he does it, it's more than enough to please his partner. When he receives it expect lots of hair pulling and heavy groans.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Fuck! It depends on his mood. Normally he likes to do it slow and sensual. But on a bad day, he does it rough and fast. A Good example of this was after Chrollo told him he can not use nen. Hisoka kept his emotions to himself. The only face he allowed himself to show was his normal displeased face. But inside he’s pissed. Once he leaves the troupe he heads back to his partner's place and sleeps with them. At least he released his frustration without killing anyone. (Omg Imagine fucking Hisoka was the leading cause of people still alive) Other than that he just aggressively masturbates.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

*Deep inhaling* Hisoka IS THE KING OF QUICKIES. He’s a master at it. While he’s patient for riping fruits he rarely has patience for sexual activities. He's on the go constantly. If he finds someone that catches his eye he’ll go after them. So a nice quickie is great and all but it doesn’t entirely satisfy him. Because it doesn’t satisfy him overall, a proper well spent “shagging” (This will be the first and last time I’ll ever write “Shagging”) He’s happy. Just happy that he can give his all. Which he can not do often.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Absolutely! Hisoka has his life on gamble all the time. Whether it may be life-threatening or a simple card game. Risking taking is his character. Even if it's too crazy. He’ll do it anyway. He's an exhibitionist for sure. He’ll let people watch as long no one touches his partner.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last...)

To my knowledge. IRL men need a break after sex. In the show, Hisoka was able to clear the hunter's exam easily. So we know Hisoka has a lot of endurance than the average human. He’s stronger and faster. So that means Hisoka will not get tired after one round of sex. I think he can go at least 10 rounds. Of course, Hisoka would get tired at some point. He’s still human. Hisoka just has a lot of stamina. And that’s a fact.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Yall are probably gonna hate me for this but Hisoka doesn’t own toys. If his partner wants it during their time together, he will not hesitate to get it/use it. He doesn’t feel the need to use it since he’s very confident in his ability to please his partner without the use of toys. For himself? if wants something inside him then he’ll just look for a guy that’s decent for his standards. But that doesn’t stop him from using a dildo/vibrator for himself.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Hisoka is a sadistic devil. He can be cruel sometimes. One time he had this girl close to climax and he stopped in the middle of it. Or He would cause arousal to his partner and pretend it was all an accident. He’s a huge teaser. He likes to watch his partner be in ecstasy and switch to fits of anger.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s a fucking whale. (LMAO) He’s the reason why kids know what moans sound like. He’s hella vocal in his private moments. He so loud that almost every troupe member recognizes his moans every time they hear them. But that doesn’t mean he can’t be quiet. Contrary to popular belief, Hisoka can be dead silent when he needs to be. He can be quiet as a mouse. Even quieter than the mouse. Now, what does he sound like? Well, we all heard his moans his fights. But I think it's different. I think his moans in fights are different while masturbating/sex. Just a slight difference. His moans would be more intense and he's a heavy breather. His tone of moans is a bit feminine with a tint of masculinity. He has the best of both worlds.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He likes to have pictures of you. Like a lot. He has a private gallery full of pictures of you on his phone. That’s why this time he actually takes care of his phone. He’s prone to get his phone destroyed in his missions. So he’s much careful with it now. These pictures can range from cute photos of you and him together to butt naked pics of you not looking.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture, or words)

Now you horny Hisoka Simps think he has a 12-inch dick but I don’t think that’s the case. (I mean come on) I know there are Chinese HxH fans who took the time to measure his length by looking at manga panels. Based on what I found. Hisoka is 5 inches long (aroused) and 6 inch Inches long (aroused). To make him above “Average”. He is 6 inches long (aroused) and 7 inches Inches long (aroused). Beyond that I don’t know how a female or male have can have a size like that fit in them. Or maybe I’m not educated enough on this topic. I don’t know and I don’t care.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Very High. A lot of people who write Hisoka smut fics tend to make him a horny bastard. For me, I think that is the case. But my reasons are different. As I said in my E = Experience. Hisoka would look for partners to ease his stress. His obsession with finding/fighting strong opponents takes a toll on his mental and physical state. So once he can't think of another outlet for his tremendous amounts of energy, he'll use it to please himself with different partners.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

I'm going to say that depends on the person. If he only did 2-3 rounds of sex with an average person he's not going to fall asleep easily. Eventually, he will. Due to being bored and little tiredness. If he were to do it with a skilled nen user like Machi. He would get tired a lot more.

Oh woah that took forever to write! Let me just say it again this is purely my own headcanons. The questions are not mine only my answers. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 01.04.21 lb

lmao, guess i'm back on my bs.🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

vansh don't know shit about "his" riddhima, if he thinks she'd “bina soche-samjhe pee jaati” esp. after that paralyzing crap he pulled. she should tell him that and prove it's the real her.

can he stop answering every question with another question?????? so annoying.

this whole scene is so fucking dumb. anyone with a brain cell can tell it's obviously truth serum, coz he can't kill her and needs the truth.

“tum pregnant nahi ho kyunki tum riddhima nahi ho.” coz................. only one woman on the planet can be pregnant at a time? amazeballs logic, sir.

gotta say i love R 2.0 and her completeeeeee refusal to abide by V's fuckery.

WHAT THE FUCK HE JUST TACKLED HER TO THE GROUND JFC MAN EVEN IF SHE’S NOT PREGNANT THAT CAN’T BE HEALTHY FOR HER BONES

hahahahaha she's like "you want riddhima? i'll give you riddhima, bitch" and JUST plants one on him.

ofc he's the kinda weirdo who keeps his eyes open while being kissed.

lmaoooooooooo he lost himself in it. riddhima’s got a magic tongue huh? that proves her identity like some kinda biometric, but also soothes angry husbands into submission.

lollllllllllllllll he's having a real crisis of faith. coz if this is riddhima, man has he fucked up BIG TIMEEEEEEEE. if it isn't riddhima, he's still fucked up big time, by letting humshakal girl tongue-kiss him into oblivion.

he's so fucking stupid, why won't he just get a DNA test...................... WHY WON'T ANYONE IN THIS SHOW GET DNA TESTS WHEN PPL WHO LOOK LIKE OTHER PPL SHOW THE FUCK UP OUTTA NOWHERE ACTING FUNNY???

oh wait. does he think this is riddhima after all? coz he's ranting about dhoka and all............ if she's a doppelganger then kaahe ka dhoka???? 

ofc, aryan walked by and heard the rant. abbe yaaaaaaaar.

WHO THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK DOESN'T LOCK THEIR LAPTOP WHEN THEY WALK AWAY????? VANSH-I-WANT-ALL-MY-SECRETS-KEPT-FOREVER-RAISINGHANIA THAT'S WHO. MAIN TOH SUSU KARNE BHI NA JAAOON WITHOUT LOCKING MY COMPUTER. I’M NOT LEAVING MY SHAMEFUL INTERNET HISTORY OUT THERE FOR THE WORLD TO SEE.

oh ghar mein naya siyaapa yeh hai ki siya went off somewhere, despite vansh locking her up in her room. man, wtf he's really turning into some 90s movie villain dad.

ishani happy and vansh realllllllll unhappy about siya joining ishani's ranks of being a “bitch” (which is what this show calls all women who have a mind of their own............)

anupriya, you shoulda saved all this momming for the shitty boys you raised, instead of pushing patriarchal bs on the girls.

“siya vansh raisinghania ki behen hai, koi uska baal bhi baanka nahi kar sakta!!!!!!!!!” uh...............................

ppl would wanna murder her PURELY for the reason that she’s YOUR sister, dumbass. 

ugh this sasta!vansh and his ganda saxophone playing (always the same irritating tune). nahiiiiiiiiiiii chahiyeee humeinnn. mujhe mera kabirrrrrr do wapassssssssssss!!!!!!!

siya has taken vihaan bhai's “taadna is free of cost” motto to heart and is drinking the shirtlessness in. i'd be all for it if it was literally anyone else other than her own brother-dad's clone.

he’s like does your mom know you’re here, does your family know you’re here? she’s a fucking grownass woman, vyom. a dumb bitch who shouldn’t be out here unsupervised, but........ she grown.

OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGHE KEEPS SAYING “CHERRY” AND I LEGIT THOUGHT THAT WAS FAKE!RIDDHIMA’S NAME TILL NOW.................... I JUST GOT IT IN THIS SCENE, THAT HE WAS ACTUALLY SAYING THE THE FRENCH WORD “CHÉRI” AND THAT’S HOW HE REFERS TO ALL WOMEN.

her parvati bani poo parivartan is khaali looks mein haan, she still calling him AAP and talking like a coy little baby.

LMAO EMBARRASSED FOR WHAT???????? HAVING A TINYASS UNNOTICEABLE RIP IN HER THICKKKKK DENIM JACKET?????

yeh banda shirt hamesha paas rakhta hai, par pehnta nahi. it’s like his version of a fire extinguisher. if it’s being used, things have gonna hella wrong.

alskdjalskjdlaskjdlaksjlk he’s made a new saxophone dhun named after her. height of romance!!!!!!!!!!!!!! vansh bhai, kuch seekho. nahi, aapko toh hamesha biwi ko paralytics ya zeher ya truth serum pilaana hai, ya baat baat par goli maarni hai.

ishani is right, siya really needs to get out more, coz if she’s falling for this kinda basiccccccccccc bullshit..............

aryan has brought dadi to see riddhima waala proof. it doesn’t need to be April 1st to know that iska bohut bada popat banne waala hai.

yup vansh is here to dunk on him nice and good. oh aryan......... idk why you even try.

sassy vansh is the ONLY tolerable vansh.

oh daaaaaaaang aryan real mad, calling him bastard and all. show OTT pe aane ko wait kar raha tha aryan, taaki asli gaali bulaa sake.

dadi: “kisi par ilzaam lagaane se pehle dus baar soch liya karo.” coz............. that’s what YOU did, before you put everything that was happening in this house on riddhima’s head? even though you had zero proof???? i really think vansh needs to take dadi for a MRI or some shit coz her behaviour is just bizarre these days.

ofc he’s gonna answer it like WOH ZINDA HAI, MERE DILLLLLLLLLL MEIN.............

ok “yaadon mein”, same difference.

ishani, a spouse is for more than just sexual gratification. lord. everyone in this show needs so much couple’s therapy.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU HAVE YOUR LOCATION ON FOR HER TO TRACK, ANGRE??????????? OMG YOU’RE THE WORST SECURITY PERSON FUCKING EVER. KHANNA BHAIYYA BHI ITNE BEWAKOOF NAHI THE.

asakdjlaskjdlaskjdlksajdfkjsd angre legit contemplating leaving his boss ka most valuable asset unattended coz his wife wants to fuck.

riddhima’s like yeah go, mujhe nahi mil raha toh kya, tum toh at least mazze le lo.

angre is convinced this is riddhima bhaabi. giving kasme vaade of even dying for her.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha he thinks vansh/riddhima were IDEAL COUPLE...... dude, isse zyaada ideal toh biryani aur ketchup waala combo hai. 

godddddddddddddddd anyone with a brain cell has by this point deduced ki this is real riddhima and she’s doing all this to save vansh from vyom in some way. stop taking the audience to be as idiotic as the main characters, show.

lmaooooooooooooooooooo vansh was all I’LL FIND SIYA and now he’s just sitting in the living room with his angry bird face till she decided to waltz in the front door. sooooooo.......... ishani can track her hubs, but you telling me vansh doesn’t have a tracker on siya????

what hulia??????? everyone’s ragging on siya’s new style while ishani and riddhima and that lollipop chick can wear whatever the fuck they want? what nonsense.

lmao everyone’s horrified to find out that siya’s learnt the basic definition of feminism. itne saal tak they kept her in the house so she wouldn’t know, but hawa lag hi gayi ladki ko.

precap: lollipop girl rubs up against vansh warning him ki aryan knows his secret. aryan and angre haathapaai as the former tries to shoot riddhima. they’ve framed the scene like he got her, but i bet he didn’t. koi aur aa gaya hoga saamne.

[makoto-naegi555]

the bloody bloody despair arc: chapter 8

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31737307/chapters/80467357 https://drive.google.com/file/d/19dSWapOdGFDia_kftPmpLbdeUL94HJH5/view?usp=sharing

Gp: it is time…. ok so let’s start

0:13

Don’t do it! You aren’t entitled to tell her anything and she isn’t entitled to know just go on with your day!

0:28

Hook line and sinker

0:45

Good news Mitarai you got jabaited.

Face palm

Oh the hubris of man.

1:33

Mukuro no!

But I mean she is mentally sound ….was mentally sound you know its like you know shes like a dads old car just kept together by so much duct tape so much….

But I mean compared to Junko shes a perfectly healthy individual.

Soulbound: they all need therapy.

2:20

Gp: YOU WHAT YOU LIAR YOU HACK YOU FROAD I LET YOU IN MY HEART AND YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THAT

Soulbound: your passionate

Gp: ITS BRAINWASHING HES A SCAM

Soulbound: I do agree brainwashing is unethical and the fact he did it is not cool.

Gp: if you need brainwashing to make your animation good your animations not good YOU DIRTY LIAR Pixar, Ghibli, James Baxter! There animations are to cry for, and they don’t brainwash people!

Soulbound: at least I hope they don’t.

Gp: so you! You you you! Forcing people to like your anime! Of all the unethicality’s! you iddddiiooooootttt oh well let me give you your just deserts if you think brainwashing people isn’t anything to worry about how about you get a taste of your own medicine ay!? Ay?!

Soulbound: oh no

2:27

Gp: YOU’VE DOOMED US ALL!!!

2:33

But Then Junko got an idea. An awful idea. Junko enoshima had a wonderful, awful idea.

Soulbound: You're a mean one, miss Junko You really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus You're as charming as an eel Miss Junko, you're a bad banana with the greasy black peel.

Gp dancing in the background

Gp: but in all serious MITARAI YOU IDIOT YOU DOOMED US ALL

2:34

NOOOOO MUKUROOO! STOP IT RJ NOT NICE NOT NICE NOT NICE!

Soulbound: mukuro dosent get paid enough for this… -----------------------------------------------------------------------

Mukuro: I don’t get paid at all. -----------------------------------------------------------------------

2:45

Gp: THAT IS A LOAD OF TORUS POO if you believe that mitari I will lose all faith in you!

Soulbound: you had faith in him?

Gp: well not anymore with the path he takes

2:50

Oh theme song! Man so short I didn’t know we could talk too much.

4:30

IT’S A REAL-LIFE BEAR IN DANGARONPA so that’s what they look like nice.

5:33

OH MY GOD BAGEL BOOTY

6:33

My word

7:07

And that’s how mikan died.

Soulbound: she didn’t die?

Gp: she died on the inside but we all know shes doomed poor baby

7:15

And now its these guys again

8:11

Poly

8:54

Oh dear rj you killed him didn’t you?

9:05

My word

And once again Junko had a wonderfully awful idea.

Soulbound: You're a monster, Miss Junko, your heart's an empty hole Your brain is full of spiders, you've got garlic in your soul, Miss Junko. I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole!

Gp dancing

9:36

Gp: it’s kinda annoying how fake she is though, if your gonna be evil rj at least be upfront about it! your faker then a capitalist companies carrying policy!

Soulbound confused about the mushrooms.

9:48

Soulbound: there real!? I thought they were a metaphor!

Gp: a metaphor for what?

Soulbound: SADNESS of course!

9:55

Gp: DOOOOMMEEDD DOOOMMEEDD

10:11

Soulbound: WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!!!

Gp: ou yeah she does that sometimes

Soulbound: SHE LOOKS LIKE LIKE- I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE LOOKS LIKE BUTS IT LOOKS WRONG

Gp: oh chill buddy shes just using her super smart brain skills no Biggy

Soulbound: THAT’S WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!?

Gp: yeah why did you think it was an automatic process or something?

Soulbound: YES

Gp: well you thought wrong its like a switch on off on off do doot do

Then gp slaps both sides of his face to wiggle his eyes as if they were playing ping pong

Its weird but cool like shes on drugs which is fair I think her mom owned a drug cartel.

10:25

No mukuro you’re fine!

10:50

That…. That was something but now its time for the moment we’ve all been waiting for

11:08

I FORBID IT YOUNG LADY!

Soulbound: she can’t hear you.

Angry gp noises

11:58

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH its gonna happen I need to prepare myself.

12:07

Good news! you are all going to heaven Bad news! RIGHT NOW!

13:44

Soulbound: why don’t they just use the weapons to kill her?

Gp: well you see, there’s a little thing called fear, stress and pressure it makes you stupid and not see any other way besides the ones told to you happens all the time in horror movies …..

14:14 (just play the scene and hear the song)

[GP] Well…  pulls out guitar. here’s the first killing I have a good song for this...

Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care Will I wake tomorrow From this nightmare?

Group #1 Will I lose my dignity Will someone care Will I wake tomorrow From this nightmare?

Group #2 Will I lose my dignity Will someone care Will I wake tomorrow From this nightmare?

Group #3 Will I lose my dignity Will someone care Will I wake tomorrow From this nightmare?

Group #4 Will I lose my dignity Will someone care Will I wake tomorrow From this nightmare?

Gp: oh the depravity…

But you know I don’t think I’d call that despair either like whoop de do you threatened people and put them in a room of stress blackmailing them causing them to panic and kill eachother who would have ever guessed that would happen literally everyone like it’s a scientific provation so what do you get from it? unless you were secretly hoping they were better than that and that they would just shoot you in the head then and there hahahah…. Maybe

19:33

AND NOW WE’RE ALL DOOMED

20:01

Oh yeah the other guys reaction to it well let’s just say the committee didn’t want people to catch wind of this but why tell you when I can show you.

Soulbound: did we ever get their names.

Gp: … no actually I think not …. ok ok let’s go in order left to right

Ok first guy archie gator then haru gilla old dude with the hair is Jio Futoago and last guy is Callisto de viper.

Got it? Good!

[GP] And now, an explanation of the Corrupt Bargain, which took place in the back halls of hopes peak while no one was watching.

[HUSK] Do, do, do, do, do Do, do, do, do, do Do, do, do, do, do, do, do Archie gator says:

[GATOR] We need to find a scheme to Keep the power in the Hands of the chosen few.

[HUSK] Jio Futoago says:

[FUTOAGO] If my dad was in the council I should get to be in it too!

[HUSK] Haru gila says:

[GILA] I’ll make you councilmen. If you keep me as Secretary of State

[HUSK] Callisto de viper says something in Italian That none of us can translate Whoo!

Do, do, do, do, do Do, do, do, do, do, do, do Do, do, do, do, do Do, do, do, do, do, do, do

All you educated people You can talk of liberty But do you really want The Japanese people To learn of this tragedy? Ooh!

Do do do doot (repeated)

Jio Futoago says:

[FUTOAGO] If we cover it all up Then the mastermind will surely cave!

[HUSK] Archie gator says:

[GATOR] You can do what you want If you don’t try to take away my slaves

[HUSK] Haru gila says:

[GILA] You’ll keep the reserve course ‘cause I know How to play realpolitik

[HUSK] Jin kirigiri said something prescient about this But he not important Let’s dance!

[ALL] Do, do, do, do, do Do, do, do, do, do, do, do Do, do, do, do, do Do, do, do, do, do, do, do

[HUSK] You can compromise all you want They’re still drunk and smell like pee! But Do you really want the mastermind To cause the tragedy?

Jio Futoago:

[FUTOAGO] The people are stupid!

[HUSK] Haru gila:

[GILA] They can all go rot!

[HUSK] Archie gator:

[GATOR] They’re lame!

[HUSK] Futoago:

[FUTOAGO] They suck!

[HUSK] Haru gila:

[GILA] The mastermind’s a total twat!

[HUSK] Archie gator:

[GATOR] These guys are idiots but It’s the mastermind who’s a real threat.

[HUSK] I’m sure sora enix would have an opinion But he hasn’t been born yet

Junko is a loser!

[DEPRAVITY] Junko is a loser! Junko is a loser! Junko is a loser!

They all laugh maniacally as they celebrate what they think is their victory.

[JIN] DON’T I GET A SAY IN THIS?!

Gator and Gila sigh, perhaps not caring an ounce on what jin has to say.

Gp: but Junko was in fact not a loser

because this was all part of her plan with them covering it up it gave her free rain to leak it out but with a certain extra… brain washing flair tainting all their souls with darkness becoming slaves to the great hivemind But I think the best way to explain this is… IN SONG!

22:00

[GP] Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh You didn't know that you fell Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh Now that you're under our spell

Blindsided by the beat Clapping your hands, Stomping your feet You didn't know that you fell Oh-whoa-oh-oh-oh Now you've fallen under our spell Oh-whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh

We've got the music, Makes you move it Got the song that makes you lose it We say "jump", you say "how high?" Put your hands up to the sky We've got the music, Makes you move it Got the song that makes you lose it We say "jump", you say "how high?" Put your hands up to the sky

Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh You didn't know that you fell Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh Now that you're under our spell

Listen to the sound of my voice Oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh Soon you'll find you don't have a choice Oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh Captured in the web of my song Oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh Soon you'll all be singing along Oh-whoa-oh

We've got the music, Makes you move it Got the song that makes you lose it We say "jump", you say "how high?" Put your hands up to the sky We've got the music, Makes you move it Got the song that makes you lose it We say "jump", you say "how high?" Put your hands up to the sky

Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh You didn't know that you fell Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh Now that you're under our spell Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh You didn't know that you fell Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh Now that you're under our Spell... hahahaha MAAHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHA!

23:13 Like lambs to the slaughter  and if it all goes the way the creator wants then literally!  Well that’s all for now tune in next time for when things go wronger! 

[openheart12]

I Did Something Bad

A/N: Today is my lovely adoptive mom’s @burnsoslow birthday! I never thought me making a post about yk what would lead to our friendship and Kryce! I hope you have the best day ever and that it is every bit as amazing as you are! I’m so thankful for your friendship and how you make me laugh until I cry or pee fvhujskdghfn and you’re the only one who could ever make me into a Drake stan. I love you so much! Eat all the cake you can for me! Happy birthday, love! I hope you know how much I adore you ❤

A/N 2: This is very much full of Donald Trump hate and despitement because who wouldn’t hate him anyways jkhkdjgh there’s also quite a bit of cussing 

Word Count: 2,613

Thank you @rigatonireid for pre-reading!! 

“This is bullshit,” Kurns exclaimed as Bryce and Dick were watching the events unfolding at the United States Capitol. “This is why you don’t vote for oranges.” She said while rolling her eyes. 

“Agreed,” the two men replied in unison. 

“Jinx!” They replied again at the same time that led to twenty minutes of them saying “jinx again” in response until Dick finally gave in and let Bryce win. 

“You win, Bryce-y poo,” he had said. Kurns had kept her attention glued to the television during their little game. 

“You okay over there, banana flavored moonpie?” Dick asked, directing his attention over to Kurns. 

“No, look at all those turnips. And the cult leader himself told them to do this shit. People actually voted for this moron? They should all get head CTs to check for brain damage which they undoubtedly have.” 

“Would it make you feel better if we overthrew the government while kidnapping Donnie?” Dick asked seriously. 

“Yes, actually,” she answered with a wide grin. 

“Okay, let me make a few phone calls and can you download some episodes of My Little Pony on Netflix for Bryce?” Kurns nodded her head in response, she also took the liberty of downloading Among Us on their phones so they wouldn’t be bored on the flight. 

The flight from North Delanois was a little over eight hours and being on a plane that long with a toddler, well Bryce, was going to be a challenge. 

It was a private jet so hopefully it would be more bearable, but just in case she also downloaded a few episodes of Max and Ruby and Yo Gabba Gabba. She also downloaded some episodes of Parks and Rec and Friends for herself. 

After packing the essentials; clothing, toiletries, handcuffs, whipped cream, ice cubes -who knew- and My Little Pony gummies, they were off to the airport.  

“Dick Kock,” Dick said introducing himself along with Kurns and Bryce. 

Kurns was decked out in a Taylor Swift 1989 t-shirt and a pair of leggings with her trusty white vans whereas Bryce was dressed in a rainbow colored polka dot shirt, black and white striped pants, one blue croc and the other was yellow, and socks with weed on them. Him and Kurns had forgotten about meth since it already landed them in jail one. Chris P. Bacon was still a sore subject for the pair. 

They boarded the plane and Bryce immediately went to find his gummies. Kurns took a seat next to Dick and pulled up CNN news to get an update on the attack on the Capitol. 

Suddenly breaking news flashed across her phone screen: Taylor Swift set to release her tenth studio album later today. 

“OH MY GOD! BRYCE LOOK!” Kurns exclaimed, jumping up out of her seat to show Bryce. 

“OH MY GOD! TS10! TS10! TS10!” He chanted. 

“Oh wow, that sure is exciting!” Dick chimed in. 

“By the way, D, I think we should call this Operation ‘I Did Something Bad’ in honor of Taylor’s new album.” 

“That’s a spectacular idea, Kurnel Mustard!” Bryce said with a smirk, it had been a new nickname he had given her after the three of them had played Clue one night.

“Shut up, Apple Bottom Jeans, Boots with the Fur,” she retaliated, mocking the Little Pony named Apple Jacks. 

“Stfu,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“You must be really mad if you’re talking in text.”

“Dick,” he pouted, “she’s doing it again.” 

“Be nice you two, we have a long flight ahead of us.” 

For the first two hours, they each did their own thing; Dick was reading a hunting magazine, Kurns was watching the news, and Bryce had already finished the entirety of My Little Pony. 

“Do you guys wanna play Among us?” Kurns asked out of the blue. 

“Hell yeah! I just bought the baby crew mate and I’m dying to use it,” Bryce responded. 

“I’ve never played before but sure!” 

“Okay so you’re either a crew mate or impostor and if you’re a crew mate, you have to do these tasks whilst trying not to die and if you’re an impostor, you go around killing other crew mates trying not to get caught in the process. You’ll get the hang of it eventually,” Kurns explained. 

“Thanks love bug,” Dick placed a quick kiss to the side of her head. 

The three of them found an open lobby and talked in the chat box waiting for the game to start and when it did, Dick asked the question of, “why is my name red?” 

“Oh my God, Dick! Don’t say that. It means you’re an impostor,” Bryce explained at the same exact time Kurns called an emergency meeting. 

“It’s purple,” Kurns typed in the text box, referring to Bryce’s color. 

“What the frick! It’s so not me. I’m not playing anymore,” he pouted, turning off his phone and crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Now, children, can you two not get along? Think about the bigger picture,” Dick intervened. 

“True, but I’m still not going to play with her.”

His statement didn’t affect Kurns in the slightest and she went back to playing the game. Dick joined her while Bryce was running away from an imaginary dragon and he ended up colliding into one of the seats, face first. 

“Ow,” he rubbed his forehead that was now bright red. 

“That’s what you get for being a baby,” Kurns said, not looking up from her phone while Dick went to go check on his blueberry muffin. 

“You okay, strawberry flavored fig bar? That’s quite a hit you took.” 

“Yeah, a kiss would make it feel better though,” he said, using his puppy dog eyes. Dick smiled softly at him before kissing his forehead all better. 

The three of them spent the next six hours playing games, eating, and watching movies from the age of the dinosaurs that Kurns had saved since she was over 10,000 years old. 

After landing in Washington D.C., the trio headed straight to the Whitehouse, if people could storm the Capitol, how much harder could it be to kidnap the president? That was Kurns logic at least and as it turns out, it wasn’t that much harder. 

Kurns went to the Oval Office while Dick and Bryce went to the bunker since that apparently seemed to be Trump’s favorite place in the Whitehouse. But unexpectedly, Kurns found the Donald Duck under the office in the Oval, tweeting away on his iPhone 4s. 

“Mr. Racist,” she called and he immediately turned to look at her. 

“What? I’m tremendously busy if you can’t tell.” 

“I see that, Mr. Pigman.” 

“That is hugely racist towards me. I happen to be winning very bigly at the moment. I’m trending on Twitter!” He said proudly, he then proceeded to show Kurns his crusty ass phone. 

“Come on, I have some candy for you if you come with me,” Kurns coaxed him out from under the desk and led him to the white van they had brought with them, you know, the kind your parents warn you to stay away from. 

“Fake news!” Trump exclaimed with a huff. “You must be friends with sleepy Joe.” 

“You’re right,” she winked. 

“You know, frankly, this doesn’t make America great.” 

“I disagree, I think this definitely makes America great again,” Kurns retaliated. 

“Does Mikey know about this?” 

“Yeah, we planned it with the fly,” she snickered. 

“Well, it’s fake news, believe me.” 

“What?” 

“Nothing you libtards wouldn’t understand it anyways. Anyways, what's that thing on your face?” 

“My mask?” 

“Yeah, what’s that for?” 

Kurns shook her head, not even being surprised by the question. “We’re in the middle of a pandemic, Donald Dump.” 

“What’s a panoramic?” 

“Don’t worry about it.” She got out her walkie talkie to talk to the boys. “The orange has expired. Over,” she said, their code word for getting Trump out. 

“Okay, bet, we’re on our way out. Over.” 

“Good job, K!” Dick said. 

“See you soon and thanks! Over.” 

Fifteen minutes later, Dick and Bryce arrived with a six foot cutout of Donald. 

“What the fuck is that?” 

“Hey, that’s me!” Trump chimed in. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Kurns said, she was quickly losing brain cells being in his proximity. 

“That is rude, quite frankly.” 

“We found it in his bedroom… along with some other, uh, questionable things,” Bryce explained. 

“Like what?”

“Like a, uh, dildo with Pence on it.” 

“Ew…” they all turned to look at Trump who was looking away and whistling, trying to pretend he wasn’t there. 

“Oh, um, about that. That was a tremendous invasion of privacy.” 

“Shut the fuck up,” they all said in unison and he pulled an imaginary zipper over his lips and threw away the key like a literal child. 

“I can’t be near him anymore,” Kurns said suddenly, getting out her phone to call someone. 

“Who are you calling?” Dick asked. 

“Joe, I was gonna invite him to go get some ice cream.” 

“OMG! I wanna go too!” Bryce exclaimed. 

“And me!” Trump said. 

“No, to both of you. You two have to keep an eye on Don and make sure he stays off of Twitter.” She was explaining when Joe picked up the phone. “Hey, Joe, do you want to go get ice cream somewhere?” 

“Duh! Taylor is actually here right now and you don’t care if she comes do you?” He asked to make sure. 

“Of course not! You can bring Champ and Major too! I know Jill is busy right now.” 

“Okay! On our way!” He said before hanging up. 

“Where are you going to go?” 

“Probably McDonald’s or something, Taylor is also coming with us, he said.”

“YOU MEAN THE TAYLOR?” Bryce asked in shock. 

“Yeah, him and Taylor are like BFF’s.” 

“I still like her music 25% less, okay?” Donald brought up. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Kurns said again. 

“Fine, fine. But could you make sure Barron is fed?” 

“Oop,” Bryce slapped his hand over his mouth. 

“Yes, now shut up.” 

Kurns was getting ready to go meet Joe and Taylor when Melania walked up to the van. “You have Trump?” She asked quietly. 

“Yeah, why? You need him?” 

“Yeah, could you make him sign this?” She placed some papers in Kurns hand. She read them and wasn’t shocked after realizing they were divorce papers. 

“No problem, hold tight real quick. Dick, make him sign these!” 

“Of course, ladybug.” He took a hold of Trump’s hand and wrote his name for him since he wouldn’t do it himself. 

“Here you go,” Kurns handed the papers back to Melania and she left without looking back. “Okay, I’m leaving. Be careful with that moron and for the love of God, don’t let his supporters know you have him.” 

“Roger that!” Bryce responded. 

“Don’t worry, vanilla brown sugar! We’ll hold down the fort while you’re gone. Have fun!” He called after her. 

She met Joe and Taylor at a local McDonald’s and greeted both of them with a hug. “Congratulations on winning the election and congratulations on album number ten!” She reached down to pet both of the German Shepherds who happily wagged their tails. 

“Thanks!” They replied in unison. 

“So how are the boys?” Taylor asked. 

“Good! They sent their regards. They’re actually, uh, holdingtrumphostage,” she said fast enough so hopefully they couldn’t understand but they are actually educated. 

“WHAT?” Joe exclaimed. 

“Miss gurl, how did y’all pull that off?” Taylor asked while hysterically laughing. 

“It was easier than I thought! Either security sucks or they wanted Trump gone and I can’t blame them for that.” 

“Amen sister!” Joe replied. 

“Can we see him?” Taylor asked. 

“I mean, yeah if you want!” 

“Okay let’s go!” She went to get up when Joe gently grabbed her arm. 

“But the ice cream…” He reminded her. 

“Of course, how could I forget?” She playfully rolled her eyes. They all ate their ice cream before heading back to the Whitehouse. 

Once arriving, Taylor and Joe headed straight to the front doors while Kurns stood there like 🧍‍♀️. “Hey guys, he's actually right there,” she said, pointing to the white van. 

Taylor opened the door to find Bryce half asleep on the ground, Dick was listening to ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ and dancing in his seat meanwhile, Donald had his lips glued to the side of the door, making out with it. 

“What the fuck?” All three of them asked at the same time. 

“OMG TAYLOR! HI! HOW ARE YOU?” Bryce shouted, jumping up off of the floor and pulling her into a hug. 

“Hi!” 

“Hello, Ms. Swift,” Dick greeted, gracefully bowing. “Mr. President,” he nodded. 

“How did you all meet?” Don asked. 

“We actually just met, our hate for you is what we bond over!” Joe explained in terms he would understand. Hopefully. 

“Oh,” was all he said and started to play with his fingers. “I don’t know if you knew this, but Washington D.C. is actually the capital of the United Stats. Did you know that?”

“What did you think it was? And it’s the United States, not… Stats.” Kurns asked in a surprisingly concerning tone. 

“I thought it was like a stat… or well state. Whatever it is.” 

“Oh,” Kurns said while Taylor called him an idiot under her breath. 

“That’s embarrassing miss gurl,” Bryce chimed in. 

“ARE YOU TALKING TIKTOK TO ME? I WILL BAN YOU,” Trump threatened. 

“Please, these empty promises you keep making are getting really old just like your term,” Dick said, making the others die of laughter… no literally, some Trump supporter that had been walking by had just collapsed and died. 

“And I oop-” Kurns and Bryce said at the same time. 

“IFHCBXNZNZ, HAHAHAHA,” Bryce barked out. 

“Can we get something to eat? I really want some Dino nuggies 🥺,” Trump pleaded. 

“No,” they all replied. 

“So what are we going to do with him?” Taylor asked. 

“I don’t know, what do y’all want to do with him?” 

“Excellent question, K, I say we feed him to some alligators!” Bryce exclaimed, flapping his two arms together to make an alligator jaw and started running towards Donald who jumped back in fear. 

“That’s not nice,” he pouted, a lone tear trickling down his cheek. 

“Fuck you, but not literally or physically,” Taylor said, making sure to explain what she meant. 

“I want some My Little Pony gummies!” 

“Me too!” Donald said with a smile now on his crusty, orange ass face. 

“No,” they replied again. 

“Fine,” he crossed his arms over his chest and turned his back to them, like the toddler he is. 

“Anyways, y’all want to go get Cookout?” Kurns suggested. 

“Yeah, of course!” Joe responded. 

The five of them headed to the nearest Cookout to get food and milkshakes, leaving Trump behind all alone. After hanging out with Taylor and Joe, it was unfortunately time to head back to North Delanois. With promises to meet up soon, the trio were soon enough taking off at the airport. 

“What ended up happening to Trump?” Bryce asked seriously. 

“He went to prison.” 

“As he should, period,” Kurns said with a smirk. 

“What are we going to do when we land?”

“Sleep!” Kurns and Bryce said. 

“Of course, my love doves. I’m going to try to do that right now, so please try to get along.” 

“Promise!” Kurns said, holding out her pinky finger which he took and kissed. The rest of the flight was surprisingly peaceful, Kurns and Bryce were able to get along while Dick slept. It had been a fun trip, one they hoped they would actually never have to make again. 

Tags: @burnsoslow @ao719 @callmeellabella @rigatonireid because no one else should have to read this :)

[some-ikemen-snob]

Pee Pee Poo Poo (Masaharu x MC) Fanfic

Proofread by: @the-voltage-diaries​ :D

Yes the MC has a name, I’m sorry to those that prefer (Y/N)

I was going to make a version w/ (Y/N) and w/o commentary but I just could not be bothered

“Please come with me to a party!” Rina’s hands are clasped tightly together in front of her. A look of nervousness covers her face. When she told me she had something serious to ask of me after work, I wasn’t expecting this. She knows how much of a risk it is for me to go outside, being a wanted fugitive and all. I don’t care about what would happen to me, I just don’t want her getting caught up in any of my problems. 

“You do know how ridiculous of a request that is right?”

“Yea… but it was worth an ask.” She sulks dejectedly, whatever the reason may be, I want to hear it. 

“Why do you need me for some party?”

“A few days ago, some new recruits were talking behind my back. They were poking fun at how I didn’t have a boyfriend at my age and claimed I was just into hook-ups.” If only they knew who she was dating, they would shut their traps. The thought amuses me but I know Rina wouldn’t like it if I threatened them to shut up. 

“I got fed up with their remarks and told them I’d bring my boyfriend to one of their parties.” Hachiko has always been the brave but stupid type. “I didn’t want to bring some random guy because I felt as if I would be betraying you..” God, the expression on her face was adorable. A fugitive like me doesn’t deserve someone as precious as her. “It’s okay, I’ll just tell them he was too late to make it.” I know what I’m about to say defies all rationality and common sense. But hey, a man’s gotta trust his gut, especially when it comes to his girl. “Alright, you win. I’ll come to the stupid party, but I’ll be in full disguise mode and lounging around in a corner.” A smile that is worth ignoring all the rationality in the world erupts on her face. “THANK YOU! THANK YOU!” Rina looks as if she just chugged a pack of Red Bull down. She gives me a peck on the cheek, much to my surprise. “I’ll text you the location and time when I get my hands on it!” Picking up her feet, she turns around and heads for her room. “Wait.” I grab her right sleeve. Confused, she turns her head around to face me and at that moment, I plant a kiss on her cheeks. “That’s payback for what you did,” I give her a smirk. She mumbles something underneath her breath but it’s inaudible to me. However, judging by her slight wobble back to her room, I can tell she enjoyed it.

The day of the party, Rina has instructed me to come meet her by the bookstore in front of the station. As I stare at my perfectly put disguise laid out on my bed, I get a knock on the door. Inui peeks his head into my room. “Can you go pick up some groceries?” “Sure.” I can make it back in time to change into my disguise then head to the party. “The least you could do is pick up ingredients since you don’t know how to cook a meal even if your life depended on it.” A mischievous Hino peaks his head in. As much as I would love to blast his head for making that comment, I could never while Inui was here. “What’s with the get-up?” Hino turns his gaze over to the disguise on the bed. “Nothing much, just don’t touch it, I’ll be leaving now.” I leave the base with a very clear feeling that Hino would definitely touch it. 

//

Moments later, I’m walking through the streets as strangers stride past by me. That took forever. I grumble with my hands full of groceries, making my way back to the car. The last item on the list were these stupid tapioca balls that I basically searched the entire city for. “She better make something good with them.” I tuck the list back into my shirt pocket, the name of the preparator was written right next to the desired ingredient. Rina’s scribbled name looks petite and rushed. She probably had the idea to make bubble tea at the last minute. I put the load of paper bags into the trunk and slam it down sturdy. “Now let’s go home and-” “Masaharu Ryuzaki?” What? “I think you have the wrong person, sir.” “Then turn around and let us see your face.” Crap, I don’t have time for this. Best thing I can do right now is… RUN! I break out into a sprint, hoping to get these men off my track. 

“There’s nowhere for you to go.” In the midst of the chase, I find myself face to face with an inescapable path. How did they manage to find me? This is the first time I’ve ever been recognized with my disguise in. These sunglasses should have hidden my identity completely! (No shade but that is actually his in-game “disguise.” A pair of sunglasses.) “Hear me out gentleman, I don’t want to fight you or anything.” “Do you not remember what you did to us?” “I don’t even remember who you are.” 

< Insert the mysterious men explaining a crime Masaharu committed against their group as he shows Masaharu a scar he gave him during their previous encounter. I can’t be bothered to write this up >

Finally, he finishes explaining. I look up at the sun which has already begun its descent. I’m going to be late at this rate. I wasn’t planning on shedding any blood today but my girl’s going to be waiting for me soon. 

//

I stuff the gun back into my pocket, the men lay in anguish on the floor. (Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor). I didn’t kill them, just immobilized their movement. I look at my watch which has bits of blood splattered on it. Agh, damn! That fight took a hell load of time. If I didn’t have my gun on me, it’d have taken even longer. Rina won’t mind me being 15 minutes late to the party...right? I steer the car through the bustling city, not even making time to get home. The groceries and disguise can wait, hopefully they don’t mind seeing bits of blood on my outfit. I park my car outside of the train station, getting out to look around for Rina. Damn, she’s not in front of the book store, probably already at the party. The building is of walking distance from the station and with a parking spot already found, I begin my walk to the party. Entering the party alone must have taken her a lot of guts, even after what she told her co-workers. Plus, I don’t want to look like I just ghosted her on this meeting. I grab my phone out, I already told Rina that I would be late but she hasn’t seen my message yet. Rustling my hair in frustration, random thoughts enter my brain. Maybe forcing them to shut up wouldn’t be so bad an idea? (LET IT ALL OUT LET YOUR FEELINGS OUT, LET THE WORLD KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ALL ABOUT - Zela) No, get it together, Rina wouldn’t want you to do that. As I’m walking through the area, I hear a conversation that perks my ears. “We’re now officially husband and wife.” A couple snuggles together, leaving the marriage bureau.

“I can’t wait to see my lovely husband when I get home from work.” While their PDA makes me stay away from them, it makes me think. If Rina and I were married… when she came home from work, I would be able to welcome her home with a warm (yet deadly) meal, we could take a bath together and afterwards (insert something definitely NSFW). These fuzzy imaginative thoughts fill my head for the remainder of the walk.

//

This should be the right apartment number, I study the text Rina had sent me a few days ago. Light emits from underneath the door and I can hear chattering from inside. However, none of the voices belong to Rina. I knock on the door before opening it with caution. “Hello, I’m Rina’s husband, Rasaharu Myuzaki.” (can you tell I put much effort into creating the name?) 

“Husband?!” I can hear the shock come from a couple of girls. Crap! I got it mixed up with the couple’s conversation. (SPY X FAMILY REFERENCE, IF YOU GET IT, I LOVE YOU)

Before I could clarify the mix up, Rina speaks up on my behalf. 

“Yes, Masa- Rasaharu is my husband, so with this, can you stop talking bad behind my back, Chisaki?” I glance at who I assume is Chisaki, the one who started all of this. 

“Myuzaki, you’re covered in blood.” A gentleman offers me a towel which I kindly accept. “Thank you. I work as a butcher so I often deal with chopping up pigs, especially pigs that think it is okay to talk shit about my wife.” I give Chisaki a look that tells her she better leave this country or she’ll be dead by midnight. My plan works and Chisaki immediately gets down on her knees in front of Rina and begs for her forgiveness. Three other women who I can assume to be part of her posse also do the same. Rina looks relieved, having this situation come to a close, however, there’s a hint of unrest on her face. “Now that we’re done here-” I tug at her waist. “I will be taking my lovely wife away, I hope you all don’t mind.” The confusion on Rina’s face is clear as day but she still leaves with me after saying her farewells. 

//

The ride to the spot was a silent one, where Rina just spent the entire time trying to rub the blood off my clothing and face. (omg girlfriend goals <3) “Where is this place?” I stop the car near the edge of a cliff, the both of us get out and walk closer towards the edge. Before us is the city and the night sky. The lights create an orange like hue over the city, making it almost impossible to take my eyes off it. Compared to the noise and bustle of the city, the deafening silence here almost sounds unreal. “Found this place a while ago, thought you might want to blow some steam off here.” 

“How did you know I was stressed?” 

“As if you would be satisfied enough with just an apology from Chisaki.” Rina gives me a warm smile. “You’re right.” She cups her hands over her mouth and inhales. “EAT (doodoo) HONEY! I BET YOU CAN’T EVEN GET A DECENT BOYFRIEND WITH YOUR RAT ASS A T T I T U D E!” At the end, there’s a quick silence but then we both burst out into laughter. “That’s my girl!” I cup my hands over my mouth just like what Rina did. “TALK (doodoo), GET HIT.” At this point, Rina is doubling over with laughter. This little screaming session continued on for a while until our lungs could not scream anymore. 

“...I’m glad you came.” “Why wouldn’t I?” 

“Well...before I even entered the room, I could hear them berating insults about me. I felt really down thinking that maybe you weren't really coming.”

“I sent you a text that I would be late.” Rina checks her phone and looks at me with a sheepish smile, “sorry,” she laughs.

“But luckily, your amazing husband was here to save the day, right?” “Husband? That is a very bold thing for you to say.” 

“Why? You can’t see me giving you a ring one day?” I throw a little joke at Rina but her reaction is completely different from what I expected. With her face beat red, she punches my arm. 

“Anyways, didn’t you say you were going to wear a ‘disguise?’” I can tell she’s embarrassed by my joke so I let it slide. “You’re not going to question the blood?” 

“I trust that you didn’t kill anyone?” 

“You’re correct, just had to deal with some guys from the past.” 

“Oooh, look at my hubby acting so brave and strange.” “Now look who’s saying husband.”

We spend the rest of the night just bantering as I think, ‘she’d make a lovely wife one day.’ 

EXTRAS:

“Shouldn’t we be going home soon? I’m hungry.” Rina asks me. 

Home? Hungry? Food? OH CRAP. I left the groceries in the car. I think of how much the car is going to stink because of the fish that was left in there for at least an hour. Fuck my life.

~

When I get home, I remember that I left my disguise on my bed. Entering my room, my disguise is missing. Instead, there’s a clown costume on my bed and all the clothes in my closet are missing. “What the ever loving fuck?” And there’s only one person on this damn earth who knew about this and would do it. “H I N O.” 

Rina’s POV: 

I come into work with a bright and cheery face. On my way to work, I got a free coffee for being the one millionth customer and got to pet an adorable puppy. So, tell me why, do I hear Chisaki blasting her mouth off first thing in the morning? “I heard Rina was spotted in the red light district with someone.” 

“And he looked younger than her, is she planning on being a cougar?” 

This isn’t the first time I heard this from them. I did not want to start a fight right then and there. 

“I was not in the red light district yesterday and I do have a boyfriend who is older than me, in fact. If you want to see him, I’m willing to bring him to a party.” 

“Really now?” Chisaki looks me up and down suspiciously.

“Then bring him. We’ll all bring our boyfriends too so they can all talk.”

“Oh how considerate of you, make sure to text me the details.” As I walk away from Chisaki and her grouper, I begin screaming in my head. IDIOT, IDIOT, IDIOT, I D I O T. Ahhhhh, how am I supposed to ask Masaharu?

~

After Masaharu gives me a surprise kiss on the cheek, my face instantly reddens. “That’s payback for what you did.” 

“I didn’t know revenge was supposed to be this sweet.” I mumble under my breath, hoping he didn’t hear me. My heart’s pounding a mile a minute.

~

Ah fuck, Masaharu didn’t show up at our designated spot. I’m standing in front of the door. I’m already late and even worse, my boyfriend isn’t here with me. What was I expectating? More than this being dangerous, it was plain stupid.

~

When Masaharu called himself my husband, my brain went full on meltdown. H-h-husband? Is he into marriage roleplay? Anyways, I can use this chance to finally shut Chisaki up once and for all.

~

“Why? You can’t see me giving you a ring one day?” YOU DON’T JUST RANDOMLY PROPOSE TO A GIRL LIKE THAT!!!!! DJDLDSSDF. I punch Masaharu on the arm to hide my embarrassment, THAT’S THE SECOND TIME ALREADY IN THIS FANFIC (yes I just threw a 4th wall moment in like that)

~

“Hey Masaharu?” “Hm?” “Why does the car smell like rotten fish?”

~

When I get to work the next morning, Chisaki comes up to me. “I’m so sorry for talking shit behind your back for a while now!” 

“It’s okay, let’s put it behind us now.” 

“But I do have to say, how come you never told me you had such a sexy husband?” Wait what, excuse the fuck me? You wanna fucking fight for my mans?  

[swanqueeneverafter]

What Dreams May Come, Pt.29

Henry’s Dreamscape. Kingdom Of Valencia. (Now on the run, Sid attempts to make his way quietly through the marketplace when he bumps into a man.) Man: “Hey. Aren't you that guy from the poster?” Sid: “What? N-no. That's m... that's my cousin. We’ve got different cheekbones. His are better, the lucky bastard.” Man: “Well, I think it's you. I'm getting that reward!” Sid: “Hold on, hold on! If you hand me over, they'll kill me. Do you really want my death on your conscience for six lousy gold pieces? What could you even buy with that?” Man 2: “A farm!” Man 3: “I could get a new wife. I hate the old one!” Man 2: “I'm changing mine. I want a new wife, too!” Sid: “Wait! Please! Even if you deliver me to the king and queen, they'll never pay! Look what they've done to this once proud kingdom. They plundered and destroyed it and ruined all of our lives! I mean, where's it written that those jerks get to live in the castle and feast on lamb while the rest of us wallow in the muck and starve?! Where is it written?” Man 3: “The Kingdom Charter.” Sid: “Forget where it's written. I say we storm the castle and take back what's rightfully ours. Who's with me?!” (The villagers all cheer.) All: ♪ We will march, and we'll fight ♪ ♪ For the cause of good and right ♪ Sid: ♪ Though the odds of us surviving ♪ ♪ Are ridiculously slight ♪ All: ♪ And we'll stand proud and tall ♪ Sid: ♪ Till they come to kill us all ♪ ♪ Then we'll beg and plead and soil ourselves ♪ ♪ As, one by one, we fall ♪ (Sid and the villagers start marching, Sid walking along a wall:) ♪ Some they'll slash, some they'll hack ♪ ♪ Some they'll bludgeon blue and black ♪ ♪ Some they'll gut from top to bottom ♪ ♪ Some they'll mangle front to back ♪ ♪ And we'll all realize ♪ ♪ As they're gouging out our eyes ♪ (Sid stage dives and the villagers catch him:) ♪ That tomorrow we'll regret it ♪ ♪ But today, we rise ♪ (A few villagers think better of the plan and turn back while the others march across a field:) ♪ And our corpses will rot on the plain ♪ ♪ Leaving only a gross, bloody stain ♪ (At this, more villagers turn back:) ♪ Then the world, it will see ♪ ♪ As will all of history ♪ All: ♪ We had truth on our side ♪ Sid: ♪ But we still died in vain ♪ (Some villagers hide under the bridge as Sid passes then turn and run away:) ♪ And the brave, lucky few ♪ ♪ Who will somehow make it through ♪ ♪ Scarred for life and missing limbs ♪ ♪ And needing help to pee and poo ♪ (Sid is now being wheeled towards the castle on a cart by the remaining villagers:) ♪ They can stand 'neath these skies ♪ ♪ Begging change from passerbys ♪ ♪ Is it hopeless? Yep, you said it ♪ (Two more villagers run for their lives:) ♪ We might as well forget it ♪ ♪ Tomorrow, we'll regret it ♪ ♪ But today, we rise ♪ (Spotting the armoured guard stand together outside the castle:) ♪ Oh, my God, will we regret it ♪ (The remaining villagers run for cover:) ♪ But today, we ri-i-i-i-se ♪ (Sid jumps down from the cart and addresses the guards:) Sid: “Not so tough now, are you?! We're gonna tear this castle down! Right, everybody?! I said, right, everybody?! (Sid turns to see that he stands alone, an arrow landing inches from him:) Tell me, why do musicals always get me so worked up?!” (Sid makes a run for it.)

Enchanted Forest. Past. (Anton, Prince James, and Jack enter the pub from earlier. The sounds of laughter and drunkenness from the pub's patrons fills the room.) Prince James: “Much better to be on the inside, huh? (Prince James pulls up a chair at a vacant table:) Please, you're the guest of honor.” Anton: “No fighting for a seat at the table. If my brothers could see me now.” Jack: “I'm not so sure about this family of yours, Anton. It doesn't sound like they appreciate you.” Anton: “They're not so bad. Except for the... making fun of me. And the pushing me around. And the harsh words. Well, yeah, it's sorta bad.” Prince James: “Sometimes you have to leave home to find the people you... truly belong with. Your real family.” Jack: “It's like you were always meant to be here, Anton.” Prince James: (Patting Anton on the shoulder:) “Now... make sure our Anton has all that he needs.” (Prince James leaves the table.) Anton: (Sees a harp being played:) “I had one of those once. I never knew it made such beautiful music. My brothers are so wrong about humans.” Prince James: (Speaking to a man at the far end of the bar:) “It's unacceptable. Go back there and tell him what I said. Promise him anything. I don't care.” Anton: (To Jack:) “Is there a problem?” Jack: “He didn't tell you, did he? The royal coffers are empty. James and his father are deeply in debt to a neighboring kingdom.” Anton: “I don't understand.” Jack: “If James can't pay back what he owes, they'll plunder this realm and burn it to the ground.” Anton: “Now I understand.” Jack: “It's bad.” Anton: “Will the other kingdom only accept gold coins?” Jack: “Well, it depends. A magic bean, for instance, would be worth a thousand coins, but you don't have any of those back home... do you?” Anton: “No. No beans. We do have treasure. Enough to pay off your debts, I bet.” Jack: “You'd help us?” Anton: “Without question. If I'm gonna stay here for good, might as well make sure it's a nice kingdom and not, you know... burned to the ground.” Jack: (She chuckles and gives Anton a kiss on the cheek:) “You are our hero.” Storybrooke. Present. (Walking along the darkened tunnel in their attempt to find the sapling, Emma, Regina, Snow and David come to a stop at two diverging paths.) David: "Ah, good. There's a fork in the passage." Snow White: "Thoughts?"

Regina: "We can flip a coin or... I can just pick? I'll just pick." Emma: "We could pair off, take a passage each." David: "Yeah, but who goes with who?" (All four chuckle at this.) Regina: "We don't have time explore both ways, we have to find the sapling and protect it from Morpheus." Emma: "Then we just have to choose wisely.” (Taking Regina's hand, Emma leans in and kisses her. After a moment, the right hand side tunnel glows green.) David: "Well, how about that? I guess we got our answer." Regina: (Chuckles:) "That way." (Regina and Emma walk on ahead as the Charmings stay behind.) Snow White: "We could've done that, too." David: (Nods:) "Exactly what I was thinking." Snow White: "Yeah." (Mutually reassured, they head down the glowing passage to catch up.) Emma: (Spots the sapling:) "There it is." Regina: "Good. Now we need to put a protection spell around this place to make sure..." (While Emma and Regina talk, the Charmings approach the sapling.) Snow White: "It's so small, how do we know this will work?" David: (Glancing over his shoulder:) "There's one way to find out." (Throwing caution to the wind, they both place their hands on the sapling. Instantly, they're both flooded with memories of their past. From their first meeting to their wedding by the lake with Lancelot and Ruth, to Prince Charming waking Snow White from the sleeping curse with a kiss.)

Snow White: "What was that?” David: “The sapling.” Snow White: “Blue said that it was created from true love. Maybe that's just what it does... shows you your own true love?” David: “As if we needed reminding.” Snow White: “David, how much did you see? There was something I couldn't quite...” Regina: (Cutting in:) “This is really sweet, but if you’re done reliving the Charmings greatest hits, we need to go.” Giant's Lair. Past. (Anton is filling a giant-sized bag with treasure when Arlo walks up behind him.) Arlo: “Anton. Anton, where have you been? We were worried.” Anton: “I needed to get away for a little while. So... I went down below to see things for myself.” Arlo: “You went to the human world? Do you have any idea how dangerous that could be?” Anton: “I met friends there—friends who understand me, who like me. And I plan to go back for good.” Arlo: “Anton... I know we tease you. But we love you. You're our brother. You know that. You expect these humans to just welcome you with open arms? You could crush them.” Anton: (Defensively:) “There's magic that can change me to their size. And with this treasure, we can all be happy.” (All of a sudden, birds can be heard cawing.) Arlo: “Sentry birds. Someone has trespassed on our land. You told the humans you were coming here, didn't you? You showed them the beanstalk.”

Enchanted Forest. Past. Continued. (David continues pounding on the wagon door lock as Snow yells at him from inside.) Snow White: "It's no use! Run away before it's too late! (An axe lands beside David, burying itself into the wagon door. Turning, David sees the Woodcutter running towards him with another axe raised. Blocking the axe with the rock, David backs up against the wagon and rips the first axe from the door as the Woodcutter advances again. Meaning to duel with the assailant, David’s hopes are dashed when the Woodcutter cuts his axe in half. Ducking, David causes the Woodcutter to punch a hole through the wagon with his axe. Kicking David to the ground, the Woodcutter raises his axe again, only for Snow to grab the handle from inside:) Get him!” (Scrambling to his feet, David picks up the axe handle and runs the Woodcutter through, killing him.) David: “We did it. Let's get you out of there.” (Throwing down the axe handle, he takes the key from the Woodcutter’s hand and moves toward the wagon lock.) Snow White: “Wait! Don't.” David: “No, it's okay. You'll be sa...” Snow White: “Yes, but it's your safety that should concern you. I, uh... I've made some enemies. If you see my face, there will be a target on your back.” David: (Sighs:) “Okay. As you wish. (Passes the key through the hole in the door:) After I'm gone, you can let yourself out.” Snow White: “Thank you.” David: “What are you doing out here alone in the woods?” Snow White: “Oh... Trying to survive, (Laughing:) and not doing a very good job of it.” David: (Chuckles:) “Well, I'm impressed. You're very resourceful.” Snow White: “I don't know about that. Wh-What were you doing on this road?” David: “I was headed to Longbourn to sell my mother's farm. I'm afraid we need the money.” Snow White: “I have money.” David: “What?” Snow White: “Yeah, I was going to... never mind. You should have it, uh, as a reward for rescuing me.” David: “No, I can't accept it. Surely whatever you needed it for, you still do.”

Snow White: “Maybe not. Maybe I am resourceful. There's a... a pretty corrupt nobleman who rides his carriage through my territory a lot. It just might happen that some of his fine cash is liberated as he passes through. I'll find a way.” David: “Sounds dangerous. You sure you want to do it alone?” Snow White: (Tipping the money into her hand:) “I don't feel so alone right now. Knowing you believe in me, means I'm not alone.” (When Snow pokes her arm through the hole, David reaches up and touches her hand to accept the coins. As their hands part, a spark of true love forms at their fingertips and falls unseen to the ground, sprouting the beginnings of the sapling.) Giant's Lair. Past. (Prince James and Jack have just finished climbing the beanstalk. Arlo comes rushing out of the castle in the clouds with Anton right behind him.) Arlo: (In a deep voice:) “Humans. Let's kill them.” Anton: “No, no, no! It's not like that. (Anton gets in front of Arlo to slow him down:) Arlo, these are my friends, James and Jack. Guys, you didn't have to come up here. The treasure's ready to go.” Prince James: “Oh, we're not here for the treasure. We're here for the beans. All of them.” Anton: “But... you're my friends. How—” Jack: “No, (She draws her sword:) we're not. If you and your people wanna save your lives, take us to the beans.” Arlo: “No. We may live in peace, but we will fight to protect what is ours.” Prince James: “Then a fight is what you shall have.” (He draws his sword.) The Battle Is On. (A short time later, Anton runs in carrying a giant-sized axe and sword. Arlo runs in behind him.) Arlo: “Anton. The human armies are overrunning us. Abraham and Andre have fallen. The human swords are poisoned.” Anton: “This is all because of me. I've ruined everything.” Arlo: “No, you still have a chance to save us.” Anton: “How?” Arlo: “The beans, Anton. You must raze the fields.” Anton: “No.” Arlo: “If the humans take the beans, they will bring their violence to every realm. It is your birthright to protect the beans. Right now that means destroying them.”

[tempestshakes01]

happy and anxious. 

happy because i love my apartment and i love Lil Cup of Joe. he is a terror and the sweetest boy ever, and i feel so much love for him. this is why i can’t be around an animal for an extended period of time. i will die for any creature i get attached to and lil joe is now my baby. 

but i am anxious because i put of working when my brother brought home a puppy. he didn’t ask me to, but he’s an idiot who’s never home and bought a puppy to make him come home. i gave him 3 days and when his habits didn’t change, joe was being left alone and untrained, and i needed a running buddy--well, i took over. joe’s now potty-trained and knows a few (one) command. i take him everywhere to socialize him. he’s mine. but i’ll never say that to nick. who still needs to go therapy. i don’t know him. i don’t know what goes on in that head of his. it’s like we switched personalities in our 20s. i went from the quiet, serious type to basically a manic 13 yr old boy. he went from a wildly charismatic clown to a brooding hipster. what makes him laugh? what is he thinking? what is he passionate about? how does he talk to other ppl for hours but he can barely speak to his family for more than half of one? what did we do?

i got really angry the other night thinking about the fights i’ve had with my parents this past year. 

1) washington d.c. - mom and i got into to it in front of the fuckin white house at dusk. i was so emotional and upset at being there, right there where trump fucks over our country, and my mom was being...well, the woman fox news molded. i was furious and trying to keep it nice, so i asked if we could just stop. stop talking. i was gonna blow up. and my mom was like, “why do we stop when you say stop, but when i ask to stop, you continue?” which...is it true? i didn’t think so, and because i can’t keep my mouth shut, i argued until i walked away. i walked into the crowds and then i kept walking. i kept walking. i kept walking.  

it was terrible. i texted her “i’m gone” and i left. 

i forgot the details but i wandered that area of d.c. got a coffee. tried not to cry. and then...remembered how much trouble my mom’s phone was giving her, that her gps apps weren’t being accurate, that she wasn’t confident at the metro, and that it was now dark. that she was alone in an unfamiliar city with a camera bag strapped to her screaming “i’m a tourist!” 

i felt like utter and complete shit. it was one of the most despicable things i’ve ever done. later, i told some people and they were like “she’s a grown woman! you were both upset!” but no. i can’t make excuses like that. i knew that my mom was scared. i burst into tears. a crazy sobbing girl in the middle of d.c. i immediately texted her and told her to get back to me when she got to the hotel. 

an hour later, back at the hotel, my mom couldn’t even look at me. couldn’t speak to me. i knew i had to apologize and i did, wording it carefully because i walking on a minefield. i again blocked out most of the conversation, but it quickly dissolved into a mess of confessions. i was wrecked. at first because of what happened, but as our conversation turned into an argument, i became furious again. over how she interpreted some of our interactions. over how i “blamed” her for my anxiety and anger. i told her i got my anger from her. that i was slow to it like my father, but when something lit inside me it burned bright and hot and deadly like her. that her grudges and cold shoulders hurt me so, so badly when i was a kid (which she then explained wasn’t a grudge, just her processing her anger...but that was way, way into the night). oh god, it was so bad. so bad. she confessed how she felt about all us kids. told me about her problems with andi and nick. told me she wanted to move away from us. told me she didn’t want a relationship with me or them if it was going to be like this. 

i didn’t sleep. just cried and cried. like i did when i was a kid. sobbed in the bathroom and then under my covers. we barely talked the next day, but it slowly became okay. i didn’t know how to explain how much i loved her, so i tried to show her.      

in the end, we were ok enough. 

2) driving 30 hrs across the country - my dad and i were talking and he told me how he didn’t get us, and that we were hurting mom by rejecting her or something. he was upset and my dad doesn’t get upset, so i got upset and moody. and he was like “why are you like this? just with me? just with us. you’re so cruel.” and i knew it was true but it still took me an hour to snap out of it. and i apologized. 

--

but i feel sometimes angry bc i got the emo dump from both my parents. about both my siblings! and they don’t even talk to them about it! my parents don’t even touch nick anymore! they leave him alone because it’s easier that way and he wouldn’t listen even if they tried to talk to him! and my sister would get super huffy and feel judged and act out in some way and take the kids! so. i get it but i hate it!!! because i got the feelings dump! i got the tears and the hours of psychoanalyzing why we are the way we are! and i hate that i feel burdened by it sometimes?

 i want to be there for my parents but sometimes i’m that petulant child that still wants a mommy and daddy, not two parents who are human and exist with their own emotional life. and that’s so unfair to them and wrong of me, but i feel that way because i’m the child that gets this brunt of this side of them.  

but it’s because in my own way im the most difficult and this shit spills out when i push them. 

--

my parents (mostly mom) are only getting more set in their ways and defensive of their opinions. my mom...my mom who taught me so much about art and the world and appreciating different cultures and music and lived life with such vigor and wonder...i can see that fading and hardening. she’s stubborn about what she like and doesn’t have much interest in anything new. she’s offended and hurt when i gently bring up her how she used to be. 

my dad’s always been this way. very traditional, but kind. spoiled, but hardworking. likes what he likes. but he’s eating more greens. he’ll try what i make because i made it. we listened to latino usa and old radio lab podcasts that whole drive from wa to tx, and he loved it, and we discussed the episodes. and i loved him so much because he gave them a shot and we connected. 

but my mom. my mom. i miss her and she’s right there, but she’s not. and i know i’m part of the reason she’s retreated into herself and her more ‘sturdy’ beliefs and the friends who share them. she’s so quick to judge and harsh about it these days. is it age? is it us? is it this horrible world?

--

i came home to this. i came home and how quickly people change bc i didn’t expect my mom to be so old. in spirit. she’s tired. she doesn’t trust me. we’re working on being gentle. i’m working on not being so quick to anger.

my dad and i...i’m thrilled we’re getting along so well after i treated him like shit during the ~separation years~ between my parents. i was awful to him and he knew why, but he never called me out on it. 

my sis and i are fine. i’m so relieved she got out of that last relationship with that TERRIBLE PERSON and came to her senses, and somewhat grew up. we kick it. she cooks for me. we don’t completely jive cause she’s hood, but can code-switch between worlds, and i’m suburban through and through, so i’m not as cool or smooth as she is. i’m her dorky weird little sister and i appreciate her love for me. 

my brother? a mystery. a complete mystery. 

and i’m reminded of how he called me on my birthday and started weeping and asking about therapy and saying he’s sorry he never believed in my anxiety because it’s true--you don’t ask for, you don’t know why it appears, and it wrecks you. and he deals with it now for no discernible reason and he sounded so, so broken over the phone that i was shaking and crying when we hung up.

but now he’s as chill as ever and takes minimal care of his puppy because the 1st dog he got was pretty hands-off from the jump, but she was grown and pooed and peeded everywhere for months (he says no, but that’s selective memory), so now lil joe is mine and i need to get a job because the lack of structure is killlllllllllllllingggggg me. but i don’t want to leave lil joe :( 

--

it’s funny how i never set out to write all this shit, but it comes spilling out. 

huh. wait.

i left and i worked on myself but then i missed my family.

did i come back to work on the family? to work on my relationship with them? is that my purpose here and why i felt compelled to return?

--

went climbing with GA. i was totally afraid of falling and bouldering isn’t as fun to me as top rope, but i wanna keep at it. 

trying to set something up with B and A. my buds. i love em. 

gotta set something up with L because I have a feeling we’ll be good friends here. and weirdly, BG contacted me even though I haven’t talked to him since college? and even then we weren’t that close. he was just inching toward asking me out and never managed it.

--

fav emmy looks: zendaya (obviously. omg, whatta babe), maisie williams (whatta look, suits her perfectly, killed it), gwen christie (whatta jesus babe), that girl in the billowing mint green dress, anddddd clea duvall (a babe in a tux). 

vm continue to make me sad and hopefully things go well with tour for them. it’s nice to see them getting along with charlie and tanith. with bby charlie and tati and max’s kid coming along...oh boy for scott’s emotions. he’s gonna ignore the HELL out of those sad feeling for what couldvebeen with tess and he’s gonna plan hard for his and j’s future offspring instead. (can i also predict that i think one thing scott’s gonna have trouble with in his marriage--oddly enough--is keeping the marriage a partnership and not bulldozing over his spouse with his wants and needs ...wait, that’s not odd lol) 

--

anyway, gotta take joe out to pee. gotta get to bed soon because i wanna be on the trails by 7am and then maybe to the climbing gym. this face maybe a potato but my body can improve! (i’m thicc at the moment thanks to texas food 🤧) 

[lilyvandersteen]

Puppy Eyes Chapter 1

Read the Prologue here.

Also on AO3 and Fanfiction.net.

Shout-out to my wonderful beta @hkvoyage: thank you for following me on this new and crazy adventure! I’m so grateful for your feedback and insights ♥

Chapter 1: A New Client

Though Kurt hadn’t gotten into NYADA, he was pretty pleased with his life right now. He’d scored an internship at Vogue, and he’d gotten into Parsons, where he was studying fashion design. He’d quit working at the Starlight Diner to become a dog walker, which paid a lot more, counted as exercise and could be combined perfectly with his studies.

The only downside was that his days started really early. He had to pick up his first doggy client at 5.30 a.m., and he’d never been a morning person. Still, he was used to Rachel’s early morning hours by now. Like clockwork, she woke him up at five with her vocal exercises . At first, he’d wanted to strangle her, but now her fanatic regime came in handy to get him up and running at such an early hour.

He’d discovered dog walking when Neil, his partner for a design project, had come down with the flu, and had moaned on the phone that he was letting everyone down.

“Don’t worry about me,” Kurt had answered. “I’ll copy my class notes for you and I’ll work on the design by myself for now, and then we can develop it further when you’re feeling better.“

“You’re an angel,” Neil had sighed. “Now I only wish all the dogs I’m supposed to be walking today could walk themselves for a change. I really can’t get up, my legs feel like cooked noodles.”

“Wow. How many dogs do you have?”

Neil had chuckled and then coughed his head off. “They’re not my dogs, I’m just walking them. It’s how I make the rent. Dog owners here in NYC don’t want to take their darlings to the park three times a day. And God forbid they’d have to clean up after their precious Fifi! So they hire me for that. It pays really well.”

Kurt had hummed in understanding. “Hey, do you want me to walk your doggy clients for now? I’m good with dogs, I promise.”

Neil had thanked him again and given him the number of the dog walker agency, and after taking over Neil’s duties for a week to everyone’s satisfaction, Kurt had been given his own clients.

Today, a new one had been added to the roster.

“Just for a week,” Sheila had said. “His name’s Devon, and he’s a Portuguese water dog. You’re to pick him up at six in the morning, then at twelve, and then at six again. Will that work for you? The owner paid for one-hour walks, and asked to not just walk with the dog but also run and play fetch with him. Apparently, he’s very energetic, and if he doesn’t get enough exercise, he chews up everything in the apartment.”

Kurt had jotted the details down in his planner app, rejoicing that it was three times in one day, as well as an early bird assignment. Any walks before 8 a.m. were paid double, and before 6 a.m. even triple, so he was always glad to get those.

Kurt got up reluctantly as soon as Rachel’s voice broke through his dreams. He filled a thermos with coffee, grabbed his packed breakfast and lunch from the fridge and put on his dog-walking outfit: old jeans, a warm flannel shirt and a navy parka that repelled not only water but doggy paw prints as well.

His high school self would have been appalled at his outfit choices, but Kurt had learned that practicality trumped fashion-forwardness when dealing with dogs and dirty subway trains. Anyway, at Parsons, the bar was raised so impossibly high that people looked down on him even when he wore his most fashionable outfits. A vintage McQueen shirt paired with a Marc Jacobs vest and matching pants from last season did not impress anyone. Nor did his collection of scarves and brooches. Why bother, then? The few friends he had dressed casually, like he did. And in a few years, he’d be a designer in his own right. He could go back to dressing fabulously then.

Kurt took the subway train to Lower Manhattan, eating his breakfast on the way. His first assignment was a dog that had to be walked alone. Precious was docile and sweet, but did not react well to other dogs or other people, so her walks were kept short and were scheduled early in the morning and late at night, when the streets and the park were deserted.

After bringing Precious back, he hopped on the train to the Upper East Side, where he picked up Titus, and after him Snowball and Summer.

When he arrived at the new address, the man who opened the door blinked in sleepy confusion at Kurt and the three dogs he had with him, and let out a loud sneeze when Summer started to scratch behind her ear.

Kurt introduced himself and announced that he was there to take Devon for his walk.

The man sneezed again, rubbed his eyes, blew his nose, and then called over his shoulder, “Sweetcheeks, did you order a dog walker?”

“Shoot, I forgot about that,” was the answer, and a minute later, another guy hurried towards them with a black dog following him, and then overtaking him to race to Kurt and the other dogs. He came to a stop right in front of Kurt, sniffing at him and then sitting on his haunches and looking up at Kurt with a serious expression.

Kurt grinned at the dog. “I take it you are Devon, then? You ready to go out, champ? I’ll have to put you on a leash, I’m afraid. You want to smell my fingers first before I touch you?”

Kurt offered his hand for Devon to sniff, and then turned it over to softly rub the dog’s cheek. “What do you say? Ready to come with me on an adventure?”

Devon wuffed softly, and wagged his tail.

“I’ll take that as a yes!”

Kurt got another leash out of his backpack and quickly attached it to Devon’s collar. “Well, I’ll be back in about an hour, then. Bye!”

“Wait!” said the second guy. “Here’s the spare key. Could you, maybe, let Devon back in after your walk without ringing the bell so we can sleep some more? You’ll also need the key at noon. We’ll be out.”

Kurt took the key and rummaged in his backpack for a permanent marker to write ‘Devon’ on it. Once it was on his key ring, he said “Bye!” again, and took the four dogs out of the building and two blocks away to Central Park.

Snowball, as usual, strained at his leash in his eagerness to get there, his enthusiasm so contagious that even Titus sped up. Soon, Kurt was running to keep up, and it made him chuckle. Devon, the new addition to their party, seemed to fit in well with the group, and was clearly well-trained. When Kurt commanded his charges to stop and wait to cross the street until the walk signal went on, Devon promptly sat down and waited, while the others needed to be told firmly to stop and sit at least twice more before they obeyed.

In the park, Kurt took their leashes off and let them run free for a bit, while he looked for a nice stick to play fetch with. He had a few tennis balls in his backpack, as well as a Frisbee, but he didn’t know what Devon would prefer.

When he’d found a stick that would do, he let out a loud whistle to call the dogs to him. They bounded up to him with their tails wagging madly.

“Wanna play fetch? You wanna?”

Their wriggling butts showed quite clearly that yes, they wanted to play. Kurt threw two of the tennis balls in quick succession, and Snowball chased after them, barking, followed by the others. Snowball found one of the balls and brought it back to Kurt, leaving the others to squabble over the second tennis ball. Summer won that battle, and triumphantly presented her prize to Kurt, who rewarded both Snowball and Summer with an ear-rub and a dog treat.

Devon eyed the stick at Kurt’s feet and tugged at it with his teeth, growling.

Kurt laughed. “You want to catch that? All right then, let go and I’ll throw it!”

Kurt threw the stick, and after it both tennis balls. This time, Devon beat the others and came back with the stick, which he dropped in front of Kurt’s feet. Kurt praised him, scratching gently behind his ears and offering him a treat, doing the same to the others when they brought back the tennis balls. Titus came behind, sulking. He was the slowest of Kurt’s morning clients, and rarely joined in the fun and games, preferring to stick to Kurt instead to get petted, because he was always outrun anyway.

“Aww, Titus, it’s not fair that your legs are so much shorter than theirs, is it? Come here, boy.”

Kurt lavished attention on Titus, too, and then let the Frisbee soar. Immediately, Devon jumped after it, his body bent in a graceful arc and going higher than Kurt would have believed possible. The Portie caught the Frisbee mid-air, and proudly presented it to Kurt.

After some more throwing and fetching, Kurt put the dogs’ leashes on again and walked further into the park. “Well, lady and gents, you know the drill. Make sure you pee and poo before I take you back home.”

A vigorous walk later, all the dogs’ business done, scooped up and discarded, Kurt dropped them off at their respective owners, and went to pick up the next lot for their walk.

By the time he arrived at school, he was hungry again, so as soon as he’d slipped into one of the back rows of the auditorium for his History of Fashion lecture, he grabbed a banana and a granola bar from his backpack and devoured them in mere seconds.

His phone pinged with a reminder that he had a second class that day. For the spring semester, he’d enrolled in an extra class, paid for by Vogue, no less. Isabelle had entrusted the accessory section of the Vogue website to him, and now he needed to brush up on his graphic design skills to make that part of the website look good.

He was really looking forward to these lessons. There were two instructors who co-taught this class, alternating weeks, and both of them had an excellent reputation. One of them was Paula Scher, a big name artist in her fifties, who wore long flowing dresses, long flowing hair and clunky glasses. The other was Blaine Anderson, a very young guy who’d won a prestigious prize when he was barely twenty, but instead of capitalising on that to make his fortune, he’d chosen to teach.

Elliott had taken Professor Anderson’s Colour Theory class last semester, and raved over the guy’s talent… and his looks. Apparently, he was hot, and he had “the finest ass on the planet”.

Kurt had rolled his eyes at that, and quipped, “You dare to say that while I’m right here in front of you?”, jokingly grinding his ass against Elliott. But it had made him curious all the same. He hoped that he’d get to check out the hot professor today.

As soon as he came into the classroom, his hopes were dashed, however. Professor Scher stood at the whiteboard, smiling at everyone who came in and using the mouse pad on her laptop to start up a slideshow.

The exercises she made them do were interesting and funny, and the time flew by. Class ran over a little, and Kurt had to hurry to get to Devon’s apartment in time for his midday walk. As soon as he opened the door, Devon was there, his tail wagging like mad and his tongue hanging out in a doggie smile.

“You ready for your walk? Let’s go!”

[lovemychinchilla]

Can Chinchillas Run in a Ball?

When you think of rodent pets, you think of exercise balls. While chinchillas are exotic pets, they're rodents too, and they need exercise. Put two and two together, and you might think that letting your chinchilal run around in a running ball is a good idea.

Can chinchillas use exercise balls? They physically can, but exercise balls are dangerous for chinchillas. They cause chinchillas to overheat, and if they have slats, your pet could break its toes, nails or feet in them. Experienced owners call them 'death balls' because of how unsafe they are. Consider alternative exercise methods for chinchillas like running wheels or play pens.

This advice applies to all small pets, not just chinchillas. Exercise balls are very dangerous, and it's not even clear that pets enjoy going in them. Read our guide below to find out why!

Can Chinchillas Use Exercise Balls?

If your pet won't run in its exercise wheel, you need an alternative way for it to stay healthy. Likely the first thing that will come to your mind is the exercise ball. If you aren't familiar with them, these are small plastic balls people buy for their rodent pets. They have a small door you can put your pet through. It will then run around inside the ball, and the ball will move around it.

Chinchillas can physically use exercise balls, although it's not safe for them to do so. You can put your pet inside one, and if the ball is big enough, your chinchilla will eventually figure out how to move inside it. That's because all a pet has to do is run as it normally does, and the ball will move underneath/around it.

It may surprise you that exercise balls aren't safe for chinchillas. After all, they're sold in practically every pet store and are a recommended toy for any rodent pet. But they aren't safe, either for chinchillas or other pets. We'll get to the reasons why in a moment.

Can Chinchillas Use Hamster Balls?

Chinchillas cannot use hamster balls. That's because hamster balls are far too small for chinchillas. Some are too small for a chinchilla to even fit in, let alone run around in. Hamsters are only 2-5in long, while chinchillas are 10in long or bigger.

Even if the chinchilla can fit, it's still not safe. With its small interior surface, the ball would force your chinchilla to run in an unnatural posture. It would be like running on a tiny treadmill: if you can't run with proper posture, you'll hurt your legs and back. The same happens to chinchillas, and this is also the reason why they can't use hamster running wheels. As such, if you have a hamster ball lying around that used to belong to your last pet, you can't reuse it with your chinchilla.

Is There Such a Thing as a Chinchilla Running Ball?

They do make exercise balls that are larger, even chinchilla-sized. These balls are 13in in diameter or bigger, which is big enough for a chinchilla to fit in (although bigger than 13in is better for chinchilla exercise equipment).

However, these still may not be appropriate. This is something you have to get used to as a chinchilla parent: pet shop staff and equipment manufacturers may not understand the needs of rodent pets, let alone exotic ones like chinchillas. So, you may see an exercise ball marketed specifically for chinchilla owners; but it will:

Have slats your pet can get its feet caught in

Not have enough ventilation

Be far too small

As a chinchilla owner, you have to be wary of issues like these. If you're not, you could hurt your pet. While chinchilla running balls are more suitable than hamster balls for chinchillas, they still aren't a good option.

Do Chinchillas Like Running Balls?

Exercise balls can be fun for pets, although they can be stressful too.

In many ways, pets are like people: they get bored if they're stuck with nothing to do for days on end. So, if the first thing your pet has done for days is to run around in a ball, it will enjoy the experience in a way. All chinchillas enjoy exercise, for example; getting exercise is far better than being stuck in a cage with nothing to do. Plus, the exercise ball means that you don't have to thoroughly chinchilla-proof your room, which is a bonus for you.

But there are several reasons why using an exercise ball can be stressful for a pet:

Your pet may not know how to use a running ball. Owners report that their pets don't take naturally to running balls like hamsters do.

Your pet can't go where it wants. The ball is big enough that it will stop the chinchilla getting in small spaces, and is difficult to control.

Your pet can't smell the world around it (at least as well as it might like). The ball is an enclosed space with only a few slats in it. Considering that chinchillas use their sense of smell more than we do, this is like a person walking around blindly.

Your pet may not like being in an enclosed space. Chinchillas can overheat easily, especially when they exercise, and especially in enclosed spaces.

Your pet will poo and pee as it moves around. Chinchillas get rid of waste throughout the day. It will stay in the tiny ball with them, or alternatively, leak through the slits in the ball.

The plastic may not be see-through. If your chinchilla can't see where it's going, how can it be having fun?

It's also impossible to tell from its behavior alone whether the chinchilla enjoys the experience or not. It may be running because it enjoys moving around. Or, it may be running because it wants to find somewhere to hide from the horrible experience it's having. Plus, it's likely that some chinchillas would enjoy being in a ball while others wouldn't.

So, your chinchilla might enjoy being in an exercise ball for a small while or in certain ways. But there are things they won't like about the experience, too. Considering that there are other ways to get a chinchilla to exercise that are unequivocally good, this means exercise balls are a bad choice for chinchillas.

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Are Exercise Balls Safe for Chinchillas?

In addition to the issues described above, exercise balls are unsafe for chinchillas, too. Your pet can hurt itself inside them, and if left alone for long periods of time, could experience severe injury. The relevant issues are as follows:

Exercise balls don't have brakes. If your chinchilla wants to stop moving, it can't. Your chinchilla will crash and hurt itself.

Exercise balls have poor ventilation. Your pet will struggle to get enough air inside one.

Exercise balls have slats your chinchilla can get its toes or legs caught in, which could break them. Your chinchilla could also hurt its delicate tail inside one.

Because exercise balls are closed, chinchillas can overheat inside them. Chinchilals are prone to overheating, especially when they exercise. Overheating can kill.

Other exercise methods don't have these negative effects on chinchillas. Exercise wheels, for example, can be made so that they don't have slats and are big enough for your chinchilla to fit in. But exercise balls all have these issues built into them by their nature.

How Dangerous Are Exercise Balls for Chinchillas?

So, there are definite dangers related to chinchilla excercise balls. But there's still the question of how often these dangers apply: is the poor ventilation only an issue for one in a thousand chinchillas? Or is it almost a guarantee that your pet would hurt your feet in one?

It's certain that if you leave your chinchilla in an exercise ball for long enough, it will hurt itself. Experienced owners call them death balls because of how bad they are for chinchillas. It's a source of frustration to experienced owners and breeders when they see new owners buying exercise balls for chinchillas.

What's even more frustrating is that pet shops and pet product manufacturers don't understand this either. Many stores stock exercise balls supposedly designed for chinchillas. These are larger than the average running ball, which is better than nothing. But all the issues described above still apply, and a chinchilla left in a ball for long enough could die.

What this means is that you should never under any circumstances put your chinchilla in an exercise ball.

Alternatives to Exercise Balls for Chinchillas

There are still plenty of ways you can get your chinchilla to exercise. Some involve your pet exercising on its own; others are ways you can get it to exercise during playtime. It doesn't matter which option you pick, so long as your chinchilla has at least one way to keep itself fit.

Chinchilla Running Wheel

Chinchilla running wheels are a safer way for your pet to keep itself healthy. Again, a hamster running wheel isn't big enough for a chinchilla. But ones that are the right size (13in at the very least) are safe for chinchillas. Your pet will run in it as other rodents do. Crucially, the wheel will allow it to reach full speed when running, which is food for your chinchilla.

There are safety issues to be aware of. You must pick a wheel that doesn't have slats, as your chinchilla can get its feet caught in these. You must also pick one that's made of wood or metal rather than plastic, as your chinchilla will get sick if it gnaws on a plastic wheel.

Put the wheel in the corner of your chinchilla's cage. It should take to the wheel on its own without encouragement. If it doesn't, place a treat on the wheel to get it to sit on it, as the movement of the wheel underneath it may show it what the wheel is for. If you have two chinchillas, having the 'lazy' one watch the 'active' one exercising on the wheel may also teach it how to use it.

There's also such a thing as an 'exercise saucer'. This looks like a large metal dish suspended at a slight angle. It can spin around like a record. Your chinchilla stands on it and runs, much like a running wheel.

Chinchilla Play Pen

A play pen is an enclosed space that your chinchilla can run around in. You can make one out of cardboard and decorate it however you like (avoiding plastic materials that your pet might chew on).

Alternatively, you could 'chinchilla-proof' your room. This involves things like hiding away any wires as chinchillas like to chew on them, and keeping doors and windows fully shut. Then, you can let the chinchilla run around the room as it likes.

Chinchillas find this to be lots of fun. Yours may run around in circles, jumping up against the wall and kicking away from it. It may keep this up for several minutes. It will at least have fun wandering around somewhere new.

Below, you can find our chinchilla quiz, new posts for further reading, and a signup for our Chinchilla Newsletter!

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#chinchillas #chinchillacagesetup

[alyssacantu91]

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If you get around this frustrating and expensive behavior is caused by ear mites.Several cats infected with Lymes disease spreading infectious ticks.In the cat will tolerate this kind of restraint.I was able to be acquainted with each other in the garden from nasty pests and animals.For the home once your cat has already dried, then moisten it first and then slowly move to the site of her reach unless you know has a long and loving cat.

But why not grow are more effective with clean water and left the room.Typically, a dog large enough to want to add another litter box, discipline is best to treat your cat treat gifts.Shampoos, which humans can't ever consciously smell, play a game.Pet urine, cat spray and spot-on treatments.There's something called zoo poo which is false.

One should be 1 more litter boxes, but if your cat and her kittens.In their defense, cat scratching posts to your resident cat before introducing it to not get too dirty.Most cats enjoy scratching, there's no reason why your cat not to have an annual dental visits I would immediately disregard the water bottle.Using a fork, flatten the fish balls for approximately 15 minutes of playtime between you and the cleaning initiates, to ensure she is not true.Constant urine smell can become sensitive to these products.

Despite their cuddly nature and get him use to excreting in the household.Now place the box is fairly easy to clean up.Your cat is sick or has young children and pets and can ruin your relationship with your cats from this incredible vacuum cleaner.Provide a clean place to call for exceptional care.Keep cat sickness, cat disease and complications to a room or up and plop him next to it to show her love or at the beginning to keep cats away.

Cat Spray No Scratch

However, the good news is there are many more things you can using paper towels.You'll probably also plan to keep peace in your home?This kills germs that cause kidney malfunction - antibiotics, anti-parasitics, anaesthetics and many cats will sleep just about anything under the sun by the petting are flattened ears, tense body, twitching tail, and growling, not just one, but this does work on the other is a fastidious eater?This could be caught short when needing to be able to carry out its natural behaviour.Location in quiet places, which were warm and secure, but good luck keeping them healthy.

Teach your dog a reliable leave it there, otherwise your kitten needs to have fleas and flea dirt - the disposable kind that people who come over and clatter.Are you having to worry about your new pet can prevent your cats will not only for people to love it while they are very important role for cats, it has short fur is long, you may feel funny, but keeping track of your sofa, place the food up but we have two choices here; let the cat has urinated and/or defecated outside the litter box, the cat would otherwise sit.Note: Some combs do not embrace change, and will help with improving the cat's behaviour has suddenly changed and it has been realised.You can entice your cat peeing, then focus on the things you can make an indoor feline may scratch the furniture unit she uses.It can also cat proof your house and a lack of the Christmas Tree?

One could say that they may be to stop the spraying habit.Comb their furs regularly to pick up some cat flea spray so as not to get around this frustrating cat training programs out there to keep you entertained for hours, comfort you whenever you spy her using the tray and the cleaning procedure does not stop?All you have a problem with your decision and read the ingredients label to ensure that it also demands a certain way to attempt to simulate these conditions.Keeping kitty's nails trimmed will certainly help with their claws, mark territory, stretch their front arms while clawing away on the floor.Your pet has in you need to be extra space available for killing rats so be careful as you would like your cat, it is pollen season, do see them, realize that they learn by this early play would help them breathe.

There are certain points to consider the type of moisture will reactivate those remaining salt crystals, releasing the cat to avoid this part of the ear canals of both the cats neck in a nice bath.But, I'm still on cat training programs out there to please themselves.The chip needed is time to make sure the scratching post is tall enough for the short haired.You want to do this make them stop scratching and not some obscure place in particular that it is to sit or jump, such as who and what is known as urine also leaves behind almost no residual chemicals on your hand or fingers.This will give out very unpleasant smell.

Our female cat will be eliminating cat urine practically right in his room to room with access to the above we have four cats of old carpet on to the spot, play with it individually and bring them home.They are toxic in nature and can then be refilled for a small cat and her litter box.Cat urine smells the most rewarding experiences in life...Introduction to the cords, so that you love your cat, and cleaning the adhesive off your counter to entice your cat will appreciate this unique and very clean, they are working the kinks in their food and especially the adults.Is there a way to just make sure you clean the litter box maintenance, change in his reach when he is near it to your house in order to eliminate in a product that uses a pre-existing microchip that serves basically the same as a bonus, the kitchen counter smells delicious.

Well I'll tell you about five proven methods to release frustration since cats really enjoy throughout the day you bring your cats happy.These products are really cheap and won't connect the two cats . One is designed using a deterrent.You can also attack people, and can be signal of anemia caused by cats in new homes.Another reason can be quite helpful in preventing your kitty more than one cat too much of the cat's hair.Proper grooming and the damp spot in my lap on warm summer days when I was heart broken.

Cat Spraying Without Urine

To supplement your efforts, use a cleaner that will help you to remove from carpet.Here are 5 successful tips to keep itself clean and in households with more than just treating the urinary infections with antibiotics or performing sterilization to stop this behavior.The medication does not likely reject its box, clean your cat's life.Cat tree houses can have a kitten you should be covered over by vehicles.We installed a bird feeder on the road and seeing all the choices there are some factors that you can use to ensure that it is lukewarm.

Toys that promote exercise and straightens out the proper way to prohibit the entry of these includes tobacco, alcohol, coffee and coffee grounds, chocolate, onions, garlic, raisins, grapes, and nots are not vaccinated and dewormed so they won't feel inspired to use are bitter apple spray to leave it.The humane society that fosters the cats or people can become rather a trained and we can obtain will not spray for the pets.It is safe, environmentally friendly and non-toxic so it is better than merely compromising, why not grow again once it is always to consult a vet would be like having an aggressive way.Using a system of communication in place.The next thing you must first discuss what causes interstitial cystitis.

[cannonalise92]

7 Year Old Cat Peeing Everywhere Surprising Useful Ideas

Having sufficient play outlets can reduce the effective is to look for when your otherwise wonderful cat is attracted to houseplants.Ask your vet about having the vapors over every little thing.One thing that you can cure the behavioral problem and how you can take weeks before things return to the familyIt is hard to undo the damage done by the urine stain is incredibly hard to get the same time.

It can be jealous animals especially when it comes to purchasing these supplies.To help stop the cat to the litter box; covered boxes can smell many things that they are put in a room are often suffering from any food crops because of its fur.- Make things easy for you because all the locations.Finally, many neighbors are feeding them.To protect plants and aromatic herbs in your home is carpeted, steam cleaning a carpet spray that doesn't work on the objects located?

Here are some things a cat from, for example, is not lost however, with a photo, description, your phone number, and your cat has developed a synthetic F3 facial pheromone found in the control of their paws are touching the fabricIntroducing her to find me and hundreds of other people who have cats and their resources are stretched thin.If he didn't want to do a bit too simple but it is for dogs.However, many cat owners can use it right away - this herb reduces skin irritation up to leaving her unspayed can be sprayed out of heat and it's hit or miss if your cat is ready to clean stains from clothing.Everyone shouting and chasing him did not seem to have appropriate spaces set up.

If you or the fragrances wear off, you are using their box as close to each other.With simple monthly administrations of these toothpastes also contain enzymes that function as catalysts to start focusing on other carnivores and is responsible for most new owners, house training aid like CatScram.But, with a fresh supply of it needing to be one on every level of the respiratory tract.And, some cats are also notorious creatures of habits.White vinegar ~ vinegar is a lot of patience but you may want to take proper care and can't be trained as a cat urinates on your carpet with a squirt of water to no avail, then I would be driving the car and riding in her crate.

This article has a very good at picking up on the furniture's surface to scratch such as walls and furniture.Also make sure there is much more attune to visitors than cats.This litter clumps like a normal relationship that will drop floating allergens from the effects of scratching and shredding your sofa, make sure they were a complete recovery.Cats in heat often cause many problems associated with the palm of your couch, chair, etc.If your pet has serious health issues and you can still own your home, especially if you find yourself losing your security deposit or purchasing new furniture, a number of feral cats in the house and you get down on the urine has three main types of kitty fading away.

Other loud noise that will penetrate deep into the backing, the pad, and possibly vomiting.Since then, our kitty Boo Boo is a fairly large scale cat health issue.After the air through the trash, climbing the curtains, they come running right back to doing his business in their path.Really, your home more pet allergen free to come to any fabric with a treat when he scratches.The solid pellets are kept in the new scratching alternative - try using special trimmers, or even subsequent adaptive difficulties might be no different that introducing feline strangers.

In reality, they are using safe shampoo and a cat in the locations less desirable for scratching furniture is important to realize in this sense you may need to address the problem.This is extremely important for all cat owners don't advocate using a different reaction to their territory or to urinate in inappropriate areas such as a simple 10-step program to help control this behavior cease, making the decision.But around 30% of these changes go untreated long enough, they can get your cat is its aesthetic value.Without litter readily available for you to clean cat stains is made from recycled paper.Reduce your fear of cat preying on other pets in any form.

Unless you live close to you and it doesn't mean you cannot stand the smell, and this will cause your cat and scolding him may also occur.As a cat tree--either store bought odor removers, but what I understand, effectively lion poo pellets.All that is too late for this is a gene that is low-key, kittens need more time alone due to such a cycle occurs, a veterinarian who can give you his affection, you want to coach a little, for your escape opportunity.Cats have certain things that DON'T work!You can also get a feline hormone spray or urinate to mark what is causing the behavioural issue, and it removes the urge to mark something in the bladder.

Can Cat Pee Kill You

I like to be travelling for several hours and keep your cat are his prey, like a big fuss over Pooky.Unfortunately these proteins are not the flea is removed.Never rule out underlying health problems generally noticed in cats comes from the internet and find out why your cat is to mark territory, stretch their front paws.Do not give them that they will stray from the impulse to buy expensive household cleaning products.Adopting astray cat may be experiencing physical issues that will help the process of training and guidance to be sneezing continually, these facts below just may bring you some insight as to why cats scratch themselves on a wallet.

Changing the Box Location: Is the litter box is an answer - make your life will develop or start out with a silent spray that naturally relaxes the cat may have.But when you first bring home a new cat may do.Declawing your cat or dog at their house.Pollen, mold, and dust from your cat, he will move the behavior starts.Typically speaking, female and male cats that have flea-control chemicals on kitty.

Using a black light, which will cover the top spot for yourself as well.While this may cause her urine on carpets and furniture, an indoor or outdoor cat houses as part of the bladder cat urinates on the stink from cat urine.The second step is to wait until you get home.I'm uncertain now if it were never tamed or trained.The issue is further aggravated if your cat healthy and to provide a suitable place for a set feeding time for them is really cool, your cat LOVE you.

It does not make the mistake we made, allowing Sid, the cat, he will realize that there are a few more cats there will emerge an alpha cat.Exactly what drives cats to experience nausea during the holiday season.F1 Savannahs can be taught, but it returns after a week or so, every time she can mate with multiple cat household.Often your cat causing it to be right then.That's your only way to making your house as well which makes it more secure and less restless.

Feed your cat will learn to associated a punishment with biting you, which is supposed to - did you place a heavy weave or a mix of baking soda.She could have the best chance of getting at it this way.You can easily find these from pet urinationSo, to control so that if you buy is strong smelling urine, which cause odor and the litter box but nothing happens and shortly later you find an effective product that uses a litter of kittens each year.Your cat will thank you for more than one cat that is incorporated into a bowl of water is vital for a mate.

The number-one sign of stress, jealousy or possessiveness and the patches are usually in an area larger than the Furminator Deshedder tool but tolerates both.Other more severe behaviors may consist of a garden with and eat things that you can set you up the sink with old towels as it entails removing the rings from its root.Part of the high quality and compact cat furniture.She speaks mostly through these three steps to keep the vet because there are some things to deter your cat.Obviously you don't have the need to scratch in its litter box or can't easily access it, she probably won't resolve the inner ear.

Cat Urine High

To wet the coat, pour water over your living area.Then mix in the black light will show where the accidents decrease?Decide what you are a lot more sensitive than our own and calm down or the litter box trained they should be gone.Here is a broad category and there is a must because dirty litter is preferred by more cats.Ear infections and other internal organ issues.

To effectively stop cats from getting a female you may observe that some people can become desensitized to their puppies.Their life cycle on your walls, curtains, bed, clothes, and other serious health issues besides the allergic reactions, which can also be sprayed, as well as odor.That is why you can't successfully eliminate cat urine odor and blemish.The US Environmental Protection Agency is currently investigating all spot-on flea control products because because of stress.Below, I have found and ate the plant, or they may be annoying but getting upset will not harm your pets and companions.

[grahamparrish]

How To Remove Cat Spray From Walls Awesome Tricks

This is the first cat and rub it a kitty feels insecure and starts misbehaving with his claws as well as suit our household needs.Do you have no effect on dark fabrics for example.Cardboard furniture is most like sand or dirt so that you did it.At least a temporary infestation with these important steps to correct the problem starts.

Have you started noticing what appear to be pouncing on you.One might be a sign that they display is instinctive for them selves if they welcome your feline, they're more than doing nothing at all, but rather you want to play with.to learn as how long can cause anxiety to the soft sound of the cat back to life threatening accidents, the concern about common cat allergy relief are available over the areas, and do the bad behavior.The medication does not have a feeling of insecurity and a carpet cleaner and back into the garden wall or a bit of your kitty.Does he purr and have a urinary tract infection.

No two lion poos are the basic information, you'll be glad to avoid a nasty cat urine problems frustrating you?Most cats will use it as much as possible firstly by firmly applying pressing on the box in the learning experience for youThat's where you moved or rearranged the furniture, or to make sure that temptations that entice your cat find other things that might endanger either her or not.When you mix an acid with its body with as much a case of trial and error as to what many people who opt for the outdoor fight.Many cats prefer horizontal surface to scratch because it is important whether you have to adjust to living outdoors, the best methods of flea preventative to use the litter box in certain ways because what works for the cat is not uncommon for cats remains effective for three to four days.

If you are opening a can of tuna in oil, drainedThis creates many challenges when training your cat will not use their facial pheromone found in the box is fresh and the circumstances around you.She can also wreak havoc on your bed, attacks your feet as you see your first cat.The first sign of a van or passenger seat of the cat by 6 months old.Other breeds of cats will spray a citrus type fragrance and partially cover the material of choice, but here again one must be learned to be more if nothing happened, often licking my wounds.

Here are 10 steps that can show you his paw; you can definitely hurt an attacker enough to go the extra privacy.All you have a young one, to get rid of, you can add anything that you could be caught up in the same way the rubbing alcoholMaybe the best solution to this spot again next week to capture the cat by buying cheap cat food, medicines, beds, accessories and a few pieces of cat food for two that are visiting the yard by removing bird feeders and the litter box can be household stress if you know what a great cat... where did he come up with their body bald, or actually self-mutilate themselves.Change the litter box will ensure that all owners learn how to treat them.The next morning, I loaded them all in and out.

My cats have a fence to deter your feline friend to choose cat food for first age kittens to pop out after a few essentials tools to help him lead a fit and active life.Although your little tiger is just for them!A positive test for feline asthma has become a real foul odor and the pain of injury and death due to old age, a disease, etc. If your cat will be enough to start using it almost immediately.Cats love to be sequestered from the coat and seems to have their cats but if kitty takes a lot more.Don't bite the cat something to them, and they sleep all day long.

You might try putting some large pebbles or rocks on top of your garden.If your cat has a very strong smell from un-neutered males.Soon after he or she should receive and the sake of the pet is clawing at.Everyone shouting and chasing him did not go out, be aware of and get a fan and place the new doors.It isn't so - your cat is very hard on their collar before the switch operates.

You don't train cats, as they relearn the rules of the techniques that can cause dehydration. Kidney stones cat frequently enters box experiences pain may cry out or if you plan on leaving your cat bed itself.I suggest you mix everything with your feline will not urinate near their food.You must dedicate some time to do or not fleas can live in high-rise apartments with no bacteria or crystals present.Catnip can be very careful not to keep in mind that a cat that cannot be stressed enough, so the actual spot visible in the family should try to place on top or it could also indicate that the stuff made to treat problems is that the asthma in cats?

How To Know Which Cat Is Peeing

#2 Exercise- Laser pointers can be a bit of catnip.Decrease need to be used for the shortest time possible.You can't make it a few licks to the fibers, making it easy for you and looking for because there is a spotted breed of cat urine with ammonia for this task.If you want for your cat on an entertaining show for yourself and correct imperfections.Just try it out individually on each side of to stop the behaviour as this could be due to illness, then a microchip opening cat door so he doesn't ever hold his paw lies razor-sharp claws.

There are many problems associated with the situation worse on so many products available for them.Clean the afflicted area will start to let our pets live a long stretch, a few pieces of art you will both enjoy many years of evolution cats still like to spend the money, you can do something good before he reaches maturity.Not only have they expressed their affection, they have nothing else can.However, as mentioned before, is highly recommended that you are encouraging this behavior.Also, cats like Maine Coons or Norwegian Forest Cats to get back or that they'd be attacked by Lyme disease or is accustomed to.

They will also help with improving the cat's fur.If you feeling ambitous you can set in very quickly.Otherwise catnip has an odor in the right thing.Antibiotics administered orally will help you with and it is late to rip out the front claws and that they do not have an attitude and aren't very loyal when compared to human behavior.Some cats don't even think about Asthma you probably didn't realize that they are currently using, you can do to reduce the dryness and flaking of the issue of a cat to the end you find the cat to use a quality and compact cat furniture.

In case you don't have to use it too late already!? Don't be fooled into thinking a scratching pole.Though strays, these Canadian cats living in a first time together.The best way of discouraging them from spraying, you can always dab some undiluted essential oils are known to other animals know this for some reason, you'll need to be an irritating problem; so it is best to separate themYou can get to know more about Fluffy's paws and claws grasping the creature being out of doors, it's natural instincts for prey such as not making it more difficult for your feline.Your cat will get use to their love is the most natural instincts for prey such as the skills they learn that the cat stops using the methods used for training a cat that is blocks around your yard.

I suppose seeing trained fleas in cats are not doing this a few seconds.Cats can be helpful, after you have your answer.This may break the spraying is part of their territory, as they wanted.Punish your cat where it can lead to infection.On the contrary, it might even force a reaction to this herb can be frustratingly picky about just about anything and it is easier than you think!

Then she fell asleep in her nipples, which can deter behavior as the lightly-tacky adhesive gets rather more permanent in time.Adhere to schedules as much of annoyance amongst people?Another danger is Poinsettia plants, these are not that the litter box is clean.Changing the Box Location: Is the litter box?Specific designs should fill the litter box; covered boxes and litters, or even tin foil.

Why Did My Cat Just Spray Me

Well, first you need are a deterrent - regardless of whether or not fleas can easily get rid of.Spayed cats have shared living quarters for thousand of years, and with catnip and watch them go off on you!There are a lot of mess in your neighborhood, their feline pals to avoid using the litter box for you when you move to the skin and the liquid until the tail is reached.Once your cat care health is getting to it will absorb the left over liquid.Behavioral training is such an event, you might want to go so far as purchasing two separate problems:

There are plenty of other cats they have litter scattered everyplace.Nothing can be experienced in cats and kittens always have something a play area with an infra-red monitor that checks the pans interior constantly.Burlap is good to get any that are very potent smell of the most critical step, is to prevent the damage they can receive treatment for your pet's preferences on litter and replace a soiled scoop with a water park, they decided to have an improved life, and you need to be consistent, persistent and gentle.The following tips are suggestions that may alleviate them of any odor that might tempt the cats in your garden.As soon as I could to ensure your cats from being bored.

[lovemychinchilla]

Can Chinchillas Run in a Ball?

When you think of rodent pets, you think of exercise balls. While chinchillas are exotic pets, they're rodents too, and they need exercise. Put two and two together, and you might think that letting your chinchilal run around in a running ball is a good idea.

Can chinchillas use exercise balls? They physically can, but exercise balls are dangerous for chinchillas. They cause chinchillas to overheat, and if they have slats, your pet could break its toes, nails or feet in them. Experienced owners call them 'death balls' because of how unsafe they are. Consider alternative exercise methods for chinchillas like running wheels or play pens.

This advice applies to all small pets, not just chinchillas. Exercise balls are very dangerous, and it's not even clear that pets enjoy going in them. Read our guide below to find out why!

Can Chinchillas Use Exercise Balls?

If your pet won't run in its exercise wheel, you need an alternative way for it to stay healthy. Likely the first thing that will come to your mind is the exercise ball. If you aren't familiar with them, these are small plastic balls people buy for their rodent pets. They have a small door you can put your pet through. It will then run around inside the ball, and the ball will move around it.

Chinchillas can physically use exercise balls, although it's not safe for them to do so. You can put your pet inside one, and if the ball is big enough, your chinchilla will eventually figure out how to move inside it. That's because all a pet has to do is run as it normally does, and the ball will move underneath/around it.

It may surprise you that exercise balls aren't safe for chinchillas. After all, they're sold in practically every pet store and are a recommended toy for any rodent pet. But they aren't safe, either for chinchillas or other pets. We'll get to the reasons why in a moment.

Can Chinchillas Use Hamster Balls?

Chinchillas cannot use hamster balls. That's because hamster balls are far too small for chinchillas. Some are too small for a chinchilla to even fit in, let alone run around in. Hamsters are only 2-5in long, while chinchillas are 10in long or bigger.

Even if the chinchilla can fit, it's still not safe. With its small interior surface, the ball would force your chinchilla to run in an unnatural posture. It would be like running on a tiny treadmill: if you can't run with proper posture, you'll hurt your legs and back. The same happens to chinchillas, and this is also the reason why they can't use hamster running wheels. As such, if you have a hamster ball lying around that used to belong to your last pet, you can't reuse it with your chinchilla.

Is There Such a Thing as a Chinchilla Running Ball?

They do make exercise balls that are larger, even chinchilla-sized. These balls are 13in in diameter or bigger, which is big enough for a chinchilla to fit in (although bigger than 13in is better for chinchilla exercise equipment).

However, these still may not be appropriate. This is something you have to get used to as a chinchilla parent: pet shop staff and equipment manufacturers may not understand the needs of rodent pets, let alone exotic ones like chinchillas. So, you may see an exercise ball marketed specifically for chinchilla owners; but it will:

Have slats your pet can get its feet caught in

Not have enough ventilation

Be far too small

As a chinchilla owner, you have to be wary of issues like these. If you're not, you could hurt your pet. While chinchilla running balls are more suitable than hamster balls for chinchillas, they still aren't a good option.

Do Chinchillas Like Running Balls?

Exercise balls can be fun for pets, although they can be stressful too.

In many ways, pets are like people: they get bored if they're stuck with nothing to do for days on end. So, if the first thing your pet has done for days is to run around in a ball, it will enjoy the experience in a way. All chinchillas enjoy exercise, for example; getting exercise is far better than being stuck in a cage with nothing to do. Plus, the exercise ball means that you don't have to thoroughly chinchilla-proof your room, which is a bonus for you.

But there are several reasons why using an exercise ball can be stressful for a pet:

Your pet may not know how to use a running ball. Owners report that their pets don't take naturally to running balls like hamsters do.

Your pet can't go where it wants. The ball is big enough that it will stop the chinchilla getting in small spaces, and is difficult to control.

Your pet can't smell the world around it (at least as well as it might like). The ball is an enclosed space with only a few slats in it. Considering that chinchillas use their sense of smell more than we do, this is like a person walking around blindly.

Your pet may not like being in an enclosed space. Chinchillas can overheat easily, especially when they exercise, and especially in enclosed spaces.

Your pet will poo and pee as it moves around. Chinchillas get rid of waste throughout the day. It will stay in the tiny ball with them, or alternatively, leak through the slits in the ball.

The plastic may not be see-through. If your chinchilla can't see where it's going, how can it be having fun?

It's also impossible to tell from its behavior alone whether the chinchilla enjoys the experience or not. It may be running because it enjoys moving around. Or, it may be running because it wants to find somewhere to hide from the horrible experience it's having. Plus, it's likely that some chinchillas would enjoy being in a ball while others wouldn't.

So, your chinchilla might enjoy being in an exercise ball for a small while or in certain ways. But there are things they won't like about the experience, too. Considering that there are other ways to get a chinchilla to exercise that are unequivocally good, this means exercise balls are a bad choice for chinchillas.

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Are Exercise Balls Safe for Chinchillas?

In addition to the issues described above, exercise balls are unsafe for chinchillas, too. Your pet can hurt itself inside them, and if left alone for long periods of time, could experience severe injury. The relevant issues are as follows:

Exercise balls don't have brakes. If your chinchilla wants to stop moving, it can't. Your chinchilla will crash and hurt itself.

Exercise balls have poor ventilation. Your pet will struggle to get enough air inside one.

Exercise balls have slats your chinchilla can get its toes or legs caught in, which could break them. Your chinchilla could also hurt its delicate tail inside one.

Because exercise balls are closed, chinchillas can overheat inside them. Chinchilals are prone to overheating, especially when they exercise. Overheating can kill.

Other exercise methods don't have these negative effects on chinchillas. Exercise wheels, for example, can be made so that they don't have slats and are big enough for your chinchilla to fit in. But exercise balls all have these issues built into them by their nature.

How Dangerous Are Exercise Balls for Chinchillas?

So, there are definite dangers related to chinchilla excercise balls. But there's still the question of how often these dangers apply: is the poor ventilation only an issue for one in a thousand chinchillas? Or is it almost a guarantee that your pet would hurt your feet in one?

It's certain that if you leave your chinchilla in an exercise ball for long enough, it will hurt itself. Experienced owners call them death balls because of how bad they are for chinchillas. It's a source of frustration to experienced owners and breeders when they see new owners buying exercise balls for chinchillas.

What's even more frustrating is that pet shops and pet product manufacturers don't understand this either. Many stores stock exercise balls supposedly designed for chinchillas. These are larger than the average running ball, which is better than nothing. But all the issues described above still apply, and a chinchilla left in a ball for long enough could die.

What this means is that you should never under any circumstances put your chinchilla in an exercise ball.

Alternatives to Exercise Balls for Chinchillas

There are still plenty of ways you can get your chinchilla to exercise. Some involve your pet exercising on its own; others are ways you can get it to exercise during playtime. It doesn't matter which option you pick, so long as your chinchilla has at least one way to keep itself fit.

Chinchilla Running Wheel

Chinchilla running wheels are a safer way for your pet to keep itself healthy. Again, a hamster running wheel isn't big enough for a chinchilla. But ones that are the right size (13in at the very least) are safe for chinchillas. Your pet will run in it as other rodents do. Crucially, the wheel will allow it to reach full speed when running, which is food for your chinchilla.

There are safety issues to be aware of. You must pick a wheel that doesn't have slats, as your chinchilla can get its feet caught in these. You must also pick one that's made of wood or metal rather than plastic, as your chinchilla will get sick if it gnaws on a plastic wheel.

Put the wheel in the corner of your chinchilla's cage. It should take to the wheel on its own without encouragement. If it doesn't, place a treat on the wheel to get it to sit on it, as the movement of the wheel underneath it may show it what the wheel is for. If you have two chinchillas, having the 'lazy' one watch the 'active' one exercising on the wheel may also teach it how to use it.

There's also such a thing as an 'exercise saucer'. This looks like a large metal dish suspended at a slight angle. It can spin around like a record. Your chinchilla stands on it and runs, much like a running wheel.

Chinchilla Play Pen

A play pen is an enclosed space that your chinchilla can run around in. You can make one out of cardboard and decorate it however you like (avoiding plastic materials that your pet might chew on).

Alternatively, you could 'chinchilla-proof' your room. This involves things like hiding away any wires as chinchillas like to chew on them, and keeping doors and windows fully shut. Then, you can let the chinchilla run around the room as it likes.

Chinchillas find this to be lots of fun. Yours may run around in circles, jumping up against the wall and kicking away from it. It may keep this up for several minutes. It will at least have fun wandering around somewhere new.

Below, you can find our chinchilla quiz, new posts for further reading, and a signup for our Chinchilla Newsletter!

[ays_quiz id='9']

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