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atlas-of-a-human-soul · 5 years ago

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No strings attached (G.D./E.D.)

Summary: When his brother gets married, Grayson is there for his best friend who happens to be Ethan’s ex and the one who got away. However, when she suggests they start a no strings attached relationship with the sole purpose of having a baby together, Grayson is quick to accept for he had loved her his whole life and maybe...just maybe, she loves him too. And while she struggles to move on, remembering the twin who had broken her heart, Ethan complicates everything when he admits he still has feelings for her.

Warnings: angst, fluff, SMUT (unprotected sex), cheating, alcohol, swearing..

Word count: 18k+

"You came." It didn't feel like a statement, more like a gasp that passed his lips in a moment of weakness because seeing her had rattled his self-made gilded cage.

"Grayson insisted." Y/N forced a polite smile, but she couldn't fool Ethan. Not when he had taught her how to fake a smile because she was always too honest and wore her heart on her sleeve. She was too pure to be able to deceive people, so he showed her how and he never expected he'd be hit with a fake smile from her heavenly lips he loved to kiss.

"Oh." It's more of a sigh, a heaviness that pushes down on his chest and makes it harder for him to breathe. It’s been about ten years since they were truly alone and he never thought the next time they would find themselves alone would be in a barn right after he vowed to spend his life with another.

"Is there a reason you wanted to talk to me or are you here just to stare?" Her sharp tongue had caught him by surprise, but he didn't mean her harm, surely she knew that? He simply couldn't help himself once he saw her leave in need of solitude, his own need to speak to her too dire to resist the temptation.

"I'm not sure. I just...when I saw you, I felt my heart stop and everything I didn't want to remember came rushing back. I felt like I'm twenty again, standing in front of you with my heart in my hand and you breaking it all over again." The last thing he wanted was to start an argument, especially not one that's ten years old and something he should have left in the past. His conviction of that is confirmed when her impassive face slowly changes from disbelief, to frustration, to rage.

"I broke your heart?!" Control she tried to hold onto had dispersed as his words reopened wounds she tried hard to close for a decade and failed inevitably.

How can one move on from a man she considered to be the one? No one compares, even now as he's pushing her buttons on a day she felt herself shatter. Even when he had chosen another over her, time and time again, he couldn't let her go. He either loved her too much or not enough.

"You're so full of shit, Ethan. Always were." With a shake of her head, she couldn't do it. She couldn't stand there and rehash the painful past he had left her burdened with. She came for closure, not to be reminded of the cruel nature of their lover's death.

"Me? I'm full of shit?! I stood there, making an eternal vow to someone I always thought would be you, but it never happened! Kristina isn't you!" Shouting at her as she tries to pass him by and get as far away as possible, Ethan grabbed her wrist on instinct and pulled her back to face him. When he did that in the past, she'd always smile and kiss him, tell him all she ever wanted was to know he cares enough to fight for her and their argument would be over, but not this time. There was no room for forgiveness in her eyes and her hate for him was brighter than the fire she held for him before.

“Be honest. We could have worked out.” Her eyes narrow at him when his words grip her heart and mind, pulling her back to a time when she was such a fool for him. From the moment he first kissed her, she was slowly losing herself in him.

"And I'm to blame?" She scoffed, ripping her hand out of his hold with a scowl on her face. Rubbing her wrist to soothe the ache that couldn't compare to the real pain he's caused her, she draws in a short breath.

"You left to Australia to figure things out and disappeared for a month! You brought a girl with you halfway across the world, quarantined together! You started dating her before ever telling me we were finished and then I was expected to be your friend? Fuck that and fuck you." The darkness in her voice is easy to imagine festering inside her for years, yet Ethan never realized she saw it like that.

He could see the pain written in her teary eyes, on her slightly wrinkled forehead and in her trembling lips. He could see the anguish he caused her and yet he found himself torn to pieces by all the plans for the future he had for them that never came true. Years have gone by and somehow, by a cruel twist of fate, she had grown into an enchanting, gorgeous woman and he still had a weakness for her.

"I was at the airport, naive enough to think the online chatter were baseless rumors, but I saw you kiss her." Swallowing thickly, Y/N found it hard to breathe. "And I guess it was fate for you...after all, you did marry her today." She shrugs, wiping a tear before it even started its path down her cheek, likely her last stubborn act to protect her pride and flawless makeup.

"I wish I didn't. I...thought you'd call, or come. I left you a ticket to come for my birthday and you never did. I just thought you were done with me. I thought our time apart had turned into a break and she was there...she was good to me.” Running a hand through his hair, Ethan could hardly breathe with the way she looked at him, her presence is just as intoxicating now as it was back then.

“Why didn't you tell me? If you told me you cared, I'd have left her in a heartbeat, even today. Even now." Ethan sighs, leaning closer to the woman he should have fought for, the woman of his dreams and the one he had told his father was his soulmate. Perhaps it's his stubbornness or his pride that blinded him to her feelings that persisted for so long, but no matter what it was, he had no excuse. He should have fought for her.

"How convenient for you." But she wasn't forgiving now as she usually is and she had no more heart left to give this man who had gambled her trust away. Not after the damage he had caused and left her alone to deal with the rubble.

"Go back to your lovely wife, Ethan. She deserves a faithful husband." With a slight push of her palms against his chest, Y/N had done what she should have done long ago - she let Ethan go and finally, for the first time in forever, she could breathe fresh air again.

Her head hurt and the old scars burned, but as she walked away, her soul was made anew - light and open to new beginnings, something she avoided. She had pushed away every man that got too close, afraid to be hurt again. Now, she found herself ready to try again.

"Tired?" Grayson raised an eyebrow as he took one good look at her glistening eyes and realized how draining the day must have been for her. Every time he asked, he'd get the generic "I'm fine" answer and a smile he could see through, but he let her pretend if it meant she'd get through the day alive. He saw her wither, mourn for his brother for years and it pained him too much for it to be healthy, but he felt her pain personally.

"Exhausted." She mustered a real smile for her best friend, opening her arms wide to give him the biggest hug just for being him. She might have lost Grayson for a while when Ethan first broke her heart and it was mostly because she needed time to heal but they quickly found their way back to each other and despite them moving away in different parts of the country, the pair stayed in contact and always made sure to meet every few months if their lives took them away for longer periods of time.

"But I'm glad I came. It felt good to let the old grudges go." She tightens her hold on Grayson, her hands resting on his strong back as his muscles relax under her fingertips and she can only smile in content. She never felt as warm or safe like she did in his arms. He's always been the man that made her smile, even when she was going through hell. Happy or sad, angry or stressed, he was there to lighten the mood and she always appreciated him for it.

"Wanna have a movie night and get a bit drunk?" Grayson suggests, more than aware of her sudden burst of giggles at the thought of him drinking alcohol.

"You don't drink." She reminds him, continuing to chuckle, covering her mouth with her right hand, something Grayson hated. He always thought she had the most beautiful smile and yet, at some point, Y/N felt deeply insecure about it and it drove him mad because it deprived him of the most mesmerizing view.

"I'll drink a few with you. I'll even let you throw popcorn at every cheesy romance scene on TV." With a small smirk, Grayson pulled her closer to him, stealing a second hug for his soul, but to reassure her as well.

"Let's go." She mumbled into his shirt before separating, allowing Grayson to open her door as he always insisted. She appreciated the gesture more than he knew. Grayson is a perfect gentleman and she couldn’t help but question why he’s been single for so long. In fact, he never had a real relationship since they met.

Driving away to Y/N's hotel room, just to make sure no one comes looking for them at the Dolan house, the pair were unaware of wandering eyes of a drunk, desperate groom who felt his rage swell inside his chest with every beat of his bleeding heart.

They drove in silence, music filling the air to prevent any awkwardness although they never had those moments...unless the time Grayson walked in on a naked Y/N in the shower back when they first met at eighteen counts. Aside from a bruise he got from running into a wall instead of the door as he apologized profusely, Grayson found it hard to look at her at all without being flooded with inappropriate thoughts.

"Make yourself comfortable." She tells him the moment she walks into her hotel room, dropping her bag by the door, throwing her heels off within the next two steps. Her heels remained tossed close to the door, like a hazard Grayson was sure would make him sorry he didn't put them in the place neatly for her, but the moment he saw her unzip her dress and it fell to the floor around her sore feet, his brain no longer functioned properly.

With a single move of her fingers, she unhooked her bra as well, throwing it behind her with a loud exhale of relief and while she told Grayson to get comfortable, he could hardly move. Hell, he could hardly breathe as his heart picked up speed and his dick soon felt the accelerated blood flow as it twitched in his pants, aching for release.

She was quick to put on a loose shirt, leaving her with an almost covered ass and those curvy legs of hers available to his curious, hungry gaze that couldn’t ignore the lacy green panties she had on.

"I have a bottle of wine I wanted to gift the newlyweds, but fuck them. They're getting married and starting their life, they don't need quality wine! We do!" Rambling, she grabbed a few glasses that clinked as she carried them, placing them on the table before settling on the couch, only then noticing a very stiff looking Grayson who still stood by the door.

"Are you okay?" She tilts her head to the right with the slightest inkling of worry in her eyes, looking him over for signs he may need help - top to bottom, only to pause in the middle as his problem became evident.

Swallowing thickly, she bites her bottom lip as Grayson rubs the back of his neck nervously, ashamed of his current situation but she only chuckles, rolling her eyes.

"I'll take it as a compliment, now get out of those uncomfortable clothes and drink with me." She orders, opening the bottle with a slight pop before she pours herself a full glass and half a glass to her best friend. Better to pace him than have him drunk within an hour.

"If you're not here in a minute, I'll rip those clothes off you myself." Fixing her eyes on his situation once more, she raises a brow with her very own curiosity playing games with her mind. "With my teeth." She adds coyly, watching Grayson squirm, unable to ignore the red tint in his cheeks.

Quickly, Grayson takes her advice...or better yet, order, getting into nothing but his boxers, stumbling over her hazardously tossed shoes before sitting next to her.

"I don't have anything else to wear." He groans, too aware of his hard on being distinctly impossible to hide now, even as he placed both hands over it.

"I'll crank up the heat so you’re not cold. It's fine. We're friends. If you want to cover up, you can use the blanket, but I promise you I'm not insulted or anything. If I'm anything, it's horny and that won't be happening, so..." Trailing off, she shrugs with disappointment in her small smile and for the first time in forever, Grayson saw an opening. It's something he had held back on, but he didn't have it in him to keep denying himself the woman he had desired for so long he no longer found anyone else worthy of his time for more than one night.

Stature of limitations can't possibly be effective after one party is married, right? Besides, Ethan had simply gotten to her first when in fact, it was Grayson she first met.

"I wouldn't take that watch. It's a knockoff." Grayson couldn't help himself. Not only was the person in question drop dead gorgeous, she also picked up a watch he made a mistake on a year ago and it was a rather hefty check he gambled in the process.

"I'm aware. But thank you." She didn't look back, tired of men and their mansplaining, and definitely tired of men flirting. She wasn't exactly popular with guys she likes, but for some unknown reason, guys she didn't like had a tendency to be very persistent in winning her affections.

"So why buy it then?" However, Grayson was never one to give up and he had no intention of letting this woman go without asking her name first.

"Because my budget allows for a counterfeit, nothing more and I still want it to look fancy." At this point, Grayson knew he was the last person this girl wanted to talk to, but as he opens his mouth to apologize, she turns to him with grace he believed to be magical and her eyes met his.

As cliché it may be, Grayson thought time stopped...even if he was standing in the middle of a shop filled with clocks that could easily prove him wrong but he never felt it before - can a heart literally skip a beat when you meet the person you're meant to be with?

"What if I can give you a fancy, original watch and all you'd have to do is make me a dinner?"

Looking back, he saw how that might have made her feel like he's giving her an immoral offer, but at the time, she was desperate and he was handsome as hell. She saw it as a win and agreed with the widest, most beautiful smile - the first time he ever saw her smile and a sight she didn't cover up back then.

Little did he know Ethan would end up being there as well, crashing their date and soon enough, stealing her right under his nose.

So yes, maybe he didn't give a shit if Ethan is okay with it, this was finally his time to shine. If it's not too late considering she seems to be in love with Ethan even now after he betrayed her over and over again.

"Can you believe Ethan got married before us?" Already tipsy, Y/N chuckles in disbelief, leaning closer to Grayson as she holds her second glass of wine close to her chest. She wasn't much of a drinker either, but she needed some alcohol to get through the night.

"I mean, I always thought it would be you. He used to tell me he isn't fond of the idea of marriage but when we have kids and all that he'd be okay with us getting married." Taking a big chug, she nearly chokes on the wine, coughing as Grayson pats her back lightly. He used to think he’d be the first to get married too, but he gave up on the notion.

"Remember when we made that deal?" It suddenly dawned on her as Grayson reminded her of something she buried in the furthest parts of her mind.

"Before you and Ethan got together, we were sitting on the roof, watching the stars?" Grayson continues and she hums, acknowledging him.

"I said I'd marry you if we were thirty and single." She didn't expect the smile that appeared on her lips nor the honest emotion that took over. They were only eighteen when they made the deal after she and Ethan got into an argument about him buying her expensive gifts she had never asked for before they were even dating officially.

"We're almost thirty now." Stating, she turned completely to Grayson, her eyes taking in his naked torso before continuing.

"We don't have to get married or anything, but don't you want kids?"

Rubbing his forehead, Grayson couldn't help but feel he's too sober for this conversation.

Does he want kids? More than anything!

Did he think he'd be nearly thirty and alone? Never.

"Yes. I know where you're going with this and no. You're drunk, you're not thinking soundly so we can't go down that road." Grayson sighs, moving back to give her some space and create a little distance between them, but she quickly grabs his hand and holds him in place.

"I had two glasses of wine, don't be so dramatic.” Rolling her eyes at him before her face falls, Y/N sighs.

“Grayson, I can feel my biological clock ticking and my womb is crying for a baby to carry. I want this and I honestly can't imagine anyone I'd rather do it with than you. You are daddy material. I've always loved that about you." Taking his hand in hers, she inched closer with a slight smile pushing onto her face.

"We are best friends. We can't just have a baby and act nothing happened. IVF would be brutal anyway." Grayson is trying his best to be the voice of reason. He had a sip of wine, but not nearly enough to ignore that she might be doing this because she can't watch Ethan move on with his life in a very definite way and be happy for him.

Is he supposed to be her distraction from the pain?

"Who said anything about IVF? We could have sex, right here, right now. Repeat it a few times to be sure over the next week and that's all. After that, no sex or romantic feelings. We'd be co-parenting, and if we meet someone else along the way, we'll figure it out as we go."

And maybe he's had more than a sip, perhaps even a whole bottle if he's seriously considering her offer, but then again, he's drunk off her. He's in love with her and he has been for ten years and she's giving him a chance to have her, even if it's for a week, and a chance to be in her life for as long as they both live. Perhaps it's nothing compared to what he wished for, but it's undeniably everything in this particular moment where her bare thigh is rubbing against his and her palm is set on his arm, her eyes boring into his soul as her plump lips quiver with desire.

She's looking at him like she wants to do more than just make a baby - she's looking at him like a man she's passionately interested in and it's a look he's waited a lifetime to see in her eyes.

So, despite all reason and better judgement, Grayson smiles before pulling her onto his lap. "I'm in."

Resting her forehead on his, she draws in a shaky breath. "No strings attached?"

Reluctantly, he confirms. "No strings attached."

Little did they know they would be tangled in all the strings the moment their lips touch.

That first taste of his lips made her heart shiver, her hands shaky as his fill up with her ass, feeling him squeeze as his tongue swipes her bottom lip. Wasting no time, she grants him access, pushing down on his lap until his hard-on pressed against her inner thigh and she can't help the moan that passes her lips nor the brazen curiosity her hands indulge in. Her palms travel down his chest, her left one remaining on his neck as the right one continues on its journey to his hardened member, drawing in a deep breath as his hands move up to the small of her back, warm against her skin.

"So warm." She managed to mumble against his lips, her hand finally reaching his aching bulge, hastily palming him until he breaks their kiss, groaning with unrestrained desire and his control wavers.

"A-are you sure? We still have time to stop and just watch a movie." No matter how it pained him, Grayson couldn't go through with it without making sure she's not going to regret it. He didn't want to be the guy that used her in a vulnerable state and he never wanted to taint the friendship they had before he tasted her lips for the first time in his life. And just one taste of her was enough to mark him hers. He couldn't get enough.

Pausing, she cups his cheeks and bores her eyes in his, the clock ticking in the background only sound beside their strained breaths filling the silence. She couldn't believe he doubted her, although she understood why he's apprehensive.

For a moment, Y/N worried he may find her unattractive, or someone already tarnished due to her relationship with his brother and yet, when she looked into his chocolate brown eyes, Y/N only saw concern for her. He cares enough to handle blue balls if she's in any way doubtful of their unexpected actions. But then again, somehow, Y/N found it as anything but unexpected.

"Never been as sure as I am now."

Reconnecting their lips again, she found herself immersed in him, fully lost and consumed by no one but Grayson Dolan. His hands on her body, his tongue locked in an intense, fiery tango with hers, his penis already visible through his briefs and her own unquenchable desire and longing taking over as she pulls her shirt up, breaking the kiss long enough to pull it off her head and reveal her breasts - nipples hard and ready just as she is.

If there's anything she's sure of is that all her sense of self disappeared when his mouth captured her left breast, his hands slipping past her waistband, flicking her clit as soft moans betray her pleasurable need for him.

"I can't", she shuddered, breathing hard as his open mouthed kisses left a burning trail on her collarbone and she knew she was done for.

"Please, Gray." She struggled to keep herself sane as his fingers picked up speed and a scream erupted from deep inside her chest and he smirked against her neck. Sensitive, needy and ready to comply, she leaned her head on his shoulder while he worked his magic.

"Tell me. Tell me what you want." He teased her, slowly building her up to her first orgasm and he wanted her shaking and wet when he starts having his way with her. She would surely need it.

"You. I. I want you. Inside me. Take me, please." She pleaded, her eyes closed as he picks her up and moves toward the bed, her legs wrapped around him as she rubs herself against him for friction though he didn't stop his hands from making her moan. Try as she might, she couldn't hold them back.

Placing her on the mattress, he smirked before lowering his head to her thighs, gripping her lacy green panties with his teeth before ripping them in a single move. He craved to see them, but the satisfaction he got from tearing them off her was unparalleled.

"What?!" She didn't get to scold him for his lips have found their way onto her sensitive nerve bundle, sucking as his fingers delved inside where she needed him the most. Her hands weaved in his hair, pulling at the stray locks with quivering in her lower abdomen as her breathing became short, coming in gasps of pure ecstasy and her thighs trembled as Grayson's hands gripped her hips and kept her in place when she tried to move away. She pulled at his hair a little too hard, but Grayson didn't mind - loss of control means she's lost in the feelings he had provided her with, only fueling his unbelievable thirst for her solicited moans he only ever heard in his dreams or something close to them whenever she ate something she really liked.

He's relentless, unforgiving and a generous lover and while her mind is forming incoherent thoughts about all the unforgettable ways his tongue moves, all she can say is his name - fervently, unapologetically screaming his name as her orgasm makes her lose all control and instead of simply enjoying the entrancing beauty of the moment his name falls from her lips and her body shakes in his arms, Grayson frees his dick at last, nearly crying out once he pushes himself inside, catching the last wave of her clenching walls, enjoying how firmly her hands grip his arms as he slowly fills her up.

"You're so beautiful." He whispers in her ear as he pauses for her to adjust, slowly inching his way inside her until she's all full and even she can tell it will be a hot minute before he bottoms out.

“So, so perfect.”

Her mind is a little clearer, too aware of his wet lips at her jaw, littering her with kisses as his body weight presses her further into the mattress. She's hooking her leg around his waist, aiding him in his effort to bring her to a new orgasm once again, the new one hopefully fruitful for them both. Her arms fold around him, bringing him closer until his chest falls on hers, no room left between them - their hearts wildly beating fast, allowing them to feel every beat as Grayson lift his head up and their eyes meet again.

Sliding further inside, her mouth falls open as a sigh leaves her involuntarily, making him smirk vainly and the smugness in his eyes only made him more appealing.

It was impossible to ignore how intimate the moment is, how neither of them want to part. Had it been a simple 'let's have a baby' deal, it would have been all business, in and out in minutes, but this was all pleasure and they both knew it. And this was a first for both of them in a sense – their first time without condoms, feeling their partner without any barriers.

"Are you in?" She couldn't help but feel a little self-conscious, the liquid courage gone as he holds her in his embrace - bare in every sense of the word, but she trusts him with all her heart.

"Not yet." Grayson chuckles when her eyes widen at his statement, aware she's thinking about how big he is and how she's probably worried he wouldn't fit but as he adjusts and slides in further, finally bottomed out, he smirks when she gasp at the slight thrust. Pecking the left corner of her lips, their noses brush together as he whispers.

"Now I am." That's when he's moving, leisurely with confidence, building her back up only to stop and make her whimper and he couldn't help but feel proud he's managed to get her to ask for more...to ask for him.

"Gosh, you're such a tease!" She exclaimed, half out of her mind as her hands grip his ass to control his speed and depth and still, he's unmovable, cocky and yet too afraid of losing the reigns of himself. He can't act anymore, no pretense left.

This night has been everything he wanted for so long that he can't even hide it. It's in his eyes, on his lips, in the gentle touch of his fingertips on her skin and the strength of his arms around her, but the way he's taking his time and making every moment count for her? It's proof enough that this is more than a casual fuck.

"What's so wrong in never wanting this to end?"

But she can't hide it either, his words had undone the last of her restraints. He can see it in the way she pushes his matted hair back from his face to better look into his warm, loving eyes, in her genuine smiles, the way she pulls him close and won't let up or the way she says his name as if it's her favorite word.

Y/N realized she would never quite be able to forget the way he makes her feel after years of pushing down feelings she told herself are forbidden - that she had loved him first, before Ethan, before anyone else - terrified to remember, forbidden to forget.

She did it for Ethan, but now? She had no reason to hide.

And as the moment passed, urgency took over and Grayson no longer held back. Long, fast strokes replaced the slow, gentle ones and neither of them could think any longer. Forgoing everything, their moans and grunts and whimpers filled the room as Grayson pounded into her and while she loved when he was gentle with her, she couldn't get enough his rougher, harder way to get her to the finish line.

He gripped at every part of her he could get while she held onto him for dear life, her nails making marks as she finished first but he wasn't too far behind. Once he felt her walls clenching once again and the warmth enveloping him, he was faster, jerkier and insatiable. Biting into his shoulder as her orgasm shook loose all the feelings she kept hidden, Grayson finally came inside, filling her up as he laid on top of her, keeping his weight off with his elbows.

"Don't move." She whispered in his ear, her fingers playing with the hair at the back of her neck as he came down from his high, sweaty and pleasantly exhausted, but already craving the next time.

And even when he went limp inside, pulling out, Grayson’s head remained on her chest as she played with his hair, falling asleep to the sound of her heartbeat.

When morning came and her eyes opened, the night before was just a haze. An arm wrapped around her weights her down - it offers warmth, intimacy, a sense of belonging. It's there to remind her what she thought was just a dream - a deal she had made with her best friend that didn't have too much to do with the excuse she used but a genuine question she needed an answer to - what if she was always chasing the wrong brother?

After all, it was Grayson she met first, found handsome and sexy as hell enough to agree to cook him dinner in his own home. She wanted him to make a move so bad, to grab her and kiss her but he never did and Ethan wasn't shy about the attention he gave her. She was reluctant at first, holding off on agreeing to even a date with Ethan until she lost hope. So if Grayson didn't like her even though she had given him more than one chance to say or do something, Ethan did. She waited too long for him to stop her from going out with his twin.

He never did.

"Since you're vegan, I made you vegetable soup and pasta and a carrot cake, all vegan of course." She's perky, excited and a tad shy about the food she placed before him. The worry behind her eyes over his silence had alerted him to smile, widely and with heart.

"I love it." He exclaimed, making her give him a pointed look.

"You didn't even try it yet." She chuckled when he shrugged and started tasting everything.

"I love it and I tasted it all too!!" It was hard not to enjoy Grayson's company, it was all easy as breathing with him. Such a rare feeling in this world, yet one she promised herself would remain in her life in any shape or form.

And by the end of their dinner, it was already too late. Or so Grayson thought because the moment Ethan walked in and sat next to the girl he believed was on a date with, the atmosphere change had made Grayson dejected and he felt like the third wheel.

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Ethan asked her and Grayson wanted to snort before shooing him away, especially when he saw Y/N look at his brother in disbelief.

"No." She replied, raising an eyebrow when Ethan suddenly stood up and left. Glancing at Grayson, Y/N silently wondered what the hell happened only to be interrupted when Ethan took the chair on her other side and flashed her a charming smile.

"What about second look?"

And when Y/N laughed out loud, first real laughter Grayson heard, it was for his brother, not him. Ethan was always the more charming one, the one who attracts girls without trying and soon after, he'd watch his brother take the only girl he ever wanted and he witnessed how he broke her heart as well.

But the night they just spent together reminded her of the sadness she felt when it became clear Grayson wouldn't be the brother she ends up with back then. She loved Ethan, still does, but it will never change that longing she always had for the younger Dolan.

Grayson felt her stir under his arm, his eyes fluttering open with a smile as he found his face is buried in her hair and the heavenly lilac scent invading his senses is hers. Memories of the night before had made his morning wood that much worse and while he wanted more than anything to just slide back in between her folds, he couldn't make things awkward in case she's changed her mind.

He still remembers when he found out she was going out with Ethan, not him, making him wonder if he was always just meant to be a bridge that binds them together. He wondered if he'd be able to watch them fall in love and maybe even get married, but it didn't feel like he has a choice.

"Can I talk to you about something?" He could tell she's serious and tormented about the subject at hand, confusing him from the start. It's only been three months since they met and she's become his favorite person within the first hour of knowing her but he feared she'd be bored of him soon and there wasn't much he couldn't handle, but that would definitely leave a mark.

"Sure." Instead of smiling, Grayson grimaced involuntarily, making her frown as she sat beside him, a little stiffer than she usually acts around him.

"It's about your brother." She started and Grayson groaned immediately.

"What did he do?!"

"He asked me out...again." She chuckled at the last bit, shyly looking at her fidgety hands in her lap, unable to meet his eyes.

"I'm thinking about accepting." She sighed, forcing herself to face Grayson, anticipating anger or a jealous fit, anything to prove he cares, yet all he did was swallow thickly, loud enough for her to hear as he scratched his forehead absentmindedly.

"Didn't realize you guys were getting so close." Grayson tried to remain calm, not to lash out because this girl is beautiful, funny, clever and while she's incredibly strong she seems painfully vulnerable and he didn't want to scare her.

"We're not, but he's persistent and I'm out of excuses." She shrugged, deciding not to tell him about the way Ethan makes her feel. It wasn't exactly the same as Grayson, but he was witty and charming and handsome and willing to actually love her and she couldn't wait around for Grayson to remove her from the friendzone forever.

"I'll tell him no if you can give me one reason not to do this." Hopeful, she placed her hand on his knee and waited for the youngest Dolan to speak up and claim her for himself. She waited for him to tell her he loves her and he never wants to be without her...hell, she'd settle for him saying he likes her, but he remained silent and Ethan arrived just in time.

"Hey." Ethan smiled widely, his arm outstretched as his hand opened for her to take and with a final glance, she turned to Grayson in anticipation of any action that would give her an excuse to stay. But nothing happened.

"Hey." She smiled back at Ethan, taking her hand from Grayson's knee and placing it in Ethan's hand reluctantly.

From that moment on, she promised herself to stop her silly fantasies about Grayson, to stop reading too much into his lingering looks or continuous touches and flirting and all the times he had made her heart skip a beat. She promised herself she'd give Ethan a chance and as she departed with him, she did not look back. And she wouldn't for the next ten years, but for Grayson that moment was different.

When her hand left his knee, the cold that settled in had left him craving that warmth for the next ten years - yearning for her touch as much as he does for a fresh breath of air, forever wondering what Ethan had that he didn't. And it wouldn't be the last time he sees them walking away together, the only difference is the distance between them as they do. With time, they grew closer, no longer simply walking side by side but they'd have their arms around one another, they'd kiss, or playfully push around or chase each other and laugh until they both cried. It happened slowly, but it took her away from him, piece by piece until she was truly happy with Ethan, her feelings real and her dreams changed to fit the man she's with.

"Morning." He whispered in her hair, careful just in case she's still asleep so he wouldn't wake her. However, the moment he speaks is pivotal for her, making her turn in his embrace a little too excitedly with a perky smile upon her lips.

"Morning." She smiles at him with glee, throwing her leg over him shamelessly as she brings herself closer to him.

"Woah. Thought you're not a morning person?" Grayson chuckles, his raspy morning voice making her horny all over again and she has trouble stopping herself from initiating anything again.

"Maybe I just had no one to be a morning person with." She challenges, but it only reminded her of Ethan, the grumpier twin that never liked mornings and could only ever be swayed into getting up earlier if she woke him up with kisses or possibly even morning sex.

"Interesting." Grayson raised his eyebrow, ignoring the implication of her words before his hand settled on her hip, finding his fingertips formed bruises.

"Fuck, did I do that?!” Pulling the covers off, Grayson scanned her body carefully with disgust for himself, ignoring her squeal. Despite being bold and freaky in the sheets the night before, Y/N couldn’t help the insecurities flooding her when Grayson got a good view of every single one of her imperfections under the unforgiving morning sun. She wondered if the disgust on his face is because of her belly rolls because she always struggled with her weight which also showed in the stretchmarks and cellulite some men found unappealing and she felt tears prick her eyes as his gaze lingered on certain parts of her body.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you. I swear I’ll be more careful next time.” Those words flew from his mouth before he had a chance to think of the implications. Next time means he wanted to be with her again, to take her as shamelessly as he did the night before but it also meant he was feeling guilty, maybe even remorseful.

“I’m not.” Interrupting his self-pity party, Y/N propped herself up on her elbows and smiled softly, her eyes taking his beauty in because as unforgiving as the morning sun may be on her, it’s definitely illuminating on him. The sun favors him for sure.

“I’m not sorry because you made me feel attractive, needed, loved. I’m not sorry because when you looked at me just now, it wasn’t because you wanted to see the weird moles I may have or the stretchmarks, but for possible signs you hurt me. When you only made me so, so happy.” Sitting up on her knees, her palms find their way onto his abs, trailing his skin with her thumbs as the rest of her fingers grab hold of him and pull him toward her.

“I’m your best friend and I might be carrying your child now. Trust me when I say that there isn’t anything I regret about last night. If anything, the bruises mean we had more fun than we anticipated.” She shrugs coyly, kinking an eyebrow until he finally bestows one smile upon her.

“It was more than just fun.” Grayson notes and she nods. She loved how his words disturbed the rhythm of her pulse. There was never a simple moment between the two of them, always carrying emotions too strong for them to ignore.

“I can tell. Your dick is sort of in my face.” She chuckles, glancing at his red tip already up for the job she absolutely hoped he’d take up.

Crimson cheeks that flushed with blood were enough for Y/N to realize Grayson feels too ashamed to ask so before he manages to say a single word, her tongue laps his tip and a strangled moan escapes him.

Smirking, a little braver, her hand wraps around his shaft, moving up and down with circular motion, her tongue teasing him as her best friend becomes undone, just as he did for her last night. She couldn’t help herself, desperate to hear his moans once again but to have him inside as well.

Pursing her lips slightly, she looks up with her doe eyes, moaning as she opens her mouth and lazily takes just the tip. She hollows out her cheeks around him, and he takes in a shaky breath. His breathing is fast, and she watches him as his eyes close and his head falls back, panting softly as she bobs her head up and down, trying to take as much as she can while moaning herself. Hearing him moan felt almost as good as sex.

“I can’t. You’re. Driving. Me. Crazy.” Grayson says between his shallow breaths, half thinking he should be looking for his inhaler instead of losing his patience. He teased her the night before and now she’s punishing him and he’s not ashamed to admit he doesn’t have it in him to persevere. So, when it feels like his heart will burst, Grayson pulls back before moving in on her without reserve.

“You think that was funny, don’t you?” His snappy attitude only makes it more amusing as she licks her lips and smiles, evident she had every intention of torturing him for a long period of time. Much longer than he could withstand.

“Next time you want to try that, make sure I’m tied down and unable to escape.” Grayson growls before pushing her back down on the mattress and she giggles because she got exactly what she wanted – for him to relinquish control and fuck her into the mattress like there’s no tomorrow.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” She winks as his lips hover above hers. He rubs his cock over her entrance, playing with the wetness, and she gasps and shudders when he rubs it over her clit.

“I’d be careful about starting games you can’t finish.” With that warning, he smiles arrogantly, and slowly pushes his head in. Kissing her hungrily, hard enough that she imagined he’d bruise her lips too.

She wasted no time in spreading her legs further to help him adjust. He slowly makes his way in, breaking the kiss only to let himself groan into the crook of her neck, pecking every inch of skin he could get close to. She was tighter than he anticipated, a little harder to penetrate than the night before but she was still willing as her patience resolved and she pushed herself up, switching their places.

A little wild and unexpected, but she made him fall hard. The view before him only made his breathing shallow, panting as she took it upon herself to impale herself fully until she cried out softly.

“Are you okay?” Grayson struggled to speak as his breath turned ragged, making her worry more.

“Should have trusted the speed you were going with.” She managed a smile for him, starting to move on top of him as his hands gripped her hips again and she whimpered when his fingers found their match on the bruises he left behind. However, as she moved, Grayson’s guidance became scarce and his grip weakened when his breathing got louder, enough to make her open her eyes and look at the stubborn man under her who valued pleasure over his ability to breathe.

“You need your inhaler.” She concluded, reaching over him to the nightstand he left it on last night since he needed it after they were done too.

Handing him the inhaler, Grayson took a few puffs before tossing it aside, flipping her back under him so quickly she squealed in surprise.

“Thanks, love. Now, let me have my way with you.” He thrusts fast inside her, pulling out halfway and pushing back into her, holding her hips with a strong grip. His strokes are getting more erratic, faster and harder than before. He pumps fast and hard, with reckless abandon for a few moments before his fingers make play with her clit, making her gasp and buck her hips up to meet every thrust he makes until it drove them to the edge of madness.

He grabs a fist full of the bedspread as he shudders, feeling her cum and scream his name pushing him over the edge as well, ending their insatiable desire for a little while – enough for them to eat something.

He plants kisses to the inside of her knees, and she giggles, pulling them away. He smiles at her, pulling himself up before collapsing beside her, both breathing heavily, happily exhausted as they stare at one another – sweaty, messy hair and lazy smiles on both their faces.

But then the phone rings, interrupting the moment of comfortable silence.

“Ignore it.” She urges him, but the incessant ringing is making them both nervous.

“What if something happened?” Grayson bites his bottom lip before reaching out to see who is calling, finding his mother’s name on the screen. After all, he didn’t come home at all and she had the right to worry about her son.

“Answer it.” Y/N encourages him, aware that she can’t hold him in that room indefinitely, though she wishes she could.

“Hello?” Y/N watched him nod, changing his facial expressions every few seconds.

“I stayed with Y/N. I really don’t want to come today.” Grayson rolls his eyes and Y/N slaps his arm for being rude, even if his mother couldn’t see him.

“No. I’m not. I don’t care.” Groaning, he tossed the phone aside, sitting up with his hands in his hair and a frown etched on his face.

“Everything alright?” Her voice is gentle, soothing, a comforting note in the mess his head’s in.

“Ethan and Kristina are having a lunch for close family and they want me to come and I really don’t want to go.” Grayson explains, sighing as Y/N drapes her arms around him, her hands clasping before him as she leans almost entirely on his back, her head resting on his shoulder as her face is turned to him, pecking his cheek.

“Go. He’s your brother. You should be there for him.” Y/N’s words make sense, but Grayson didn’t want to leave her alone. He didn’t want to spend a single minute away from her. Her touch kept him sane and the way her body fit his perfectly would haunt him whenever she wasn’t with him. He just knew it.

“Not without you. I…If we leave this room, it just feels…definite. Like, all the memories we made will have been for nothing and when that happens, you won’t be mine.” Swallowing thickly, Y/N understood perfectly what he means by that. In this moment, they’re in a protected bubble of their own and although they didn’t say it, it has nothing to do with the deal they made but actual feelings that had been long buried finally came to life. Leaving their bubble might make it all go away. She feared it too.

“If I agree to go…we need to talk first. Like…what are we going to tell them when I get pregnant?” She raised an eyebrow as his hands gripped hers, pulling them apart before swiftly pulling her under his arm and onto his lap.

“I want to say we dated. At least for a little while.” No. He wanted to ask her to date him now. He wanted to ask her to be his, but she said no strings attached and he had no right to go back on that unless she asked him to.

“Okay. But Ethan might be an issue. You two basically lived together.” She reminds him, trying to keep a faint smile present though she wished he’d just stop this nonsense and tell her he wants her.

Does he not feel the magnetic force they’ve been brought together with?

Does he not feel how they’re made for each other?

She wished she could go back and ignore the no strings attached clause in their little agreement because she wanted all of him, all the strings attached.

“We spent weeks apart. I’ll just say it felt awkward and we wanted to be low-key but the pregnancy caught us by surprise.” He’s making these lies up too quickly, too well for her to ignore and she can’t help but wonder how he became a good liar. The Grayson she remembers had always been easy to read but he felt different now.

“Okay.” She hums in response, struggling to ignore his penis brushing against her bare ass.

“I need a shower.” She states, noticing him wiggle his eyebrows. “What?”

“Wanna save some water and shower together?” And while he’s cheesy as hell, she couldn’t help but love it – love him.

“Mom, dad, this is Y/N. My girlfriend.” Y/N had been dreading this moment for months, ever since she realized Ethan is serious about her and his jokes about her meeting his parents were anything but jokes.

“You’re beautiful.” Cameron noted, furrowing her eyebrows before looking at Ethan. “How did you trick her into dating you?”

And while the day went off without a hitch, his parents loving her, Y/N couldn’t help but worry she didn’t really fit in. She worried they pretended to like her, for Ethan’s sake.

“She’s a great girl. Why are you so worried?” Y/N hid as she heard Ethan’s parents talk in hushed voices, realizing it’s about her and while it seemed she had the support of his father, his mother wasn’t as happy.

“She’s great. But I feel she’s more suited for Grayson that Ethan. That’s all.”

It’s been a very long time since the moment Y/N hid in the shed while she heard Ethan’s mother say she’s not confident she should be with her son. It was never that she didn’t like her, she just didn’t find her to be right for Ethan. She wondered how she accepted Kristina, if she ever thought she wasn’t the one for Ethan too. However, she remained grateful to his father for being her defender. He had faith in them and she still remembers Ethan telling him he would marry her one day.

But that never came to be and while it hurt yesterday, she felt at peace with that now. Grayson reminded her of things she forgot along the way and she couldn’t hold it against Lisa any longer because she was right – she wasn’t enough, she wasn’t the one for her son. But Grayson? She really hoped she would be.

“Ready?” Grayson’s voice broke her out of her trance, making her heart jump. Drawing in a deep breath, she nods before hooking her arm with Grayson’s.

However, when they got inside, they found there was no party at all.

“Ma?” Grayson called out for his mother but she wasn’t the one to appear.

“Our flight is earlier than expected.” Ethan leaned on the wall, eyeing the pair suspiciously. “The party is canceled. Mom went with Kris and Cam to buy some last minute necessities.”

Making brief eye contact, Y/N looked away swiftly to hide her true emotions. Ethan always said cheeky was good and allowed her the freedom to be herself. They laughed so much, even in the most inappropriate times, but of everything they ever did, it was looking in his eyes she loved the most. That's all they ever needed to connect, just them, just eyes, no words. So yes, she avoided his gaze like the plague.

“In that case, we should go.” Grayson clears the tension, hating how even after last night and that morning where he claimed her as his, Ethan could just look at her and she’d be lost to him.

“So soon?” Ethan quipped, pursing his lips because he felt something’s askew.

“Y/N’s going back to L.A. soon and I want to spend all the time we have together.” Grayson remarked, taking her hand in his before pulling her back with him, slowly but firmly.

“Have fun on your honeymoon. With your wife.” Grayson adds for good measure, reminding both Ethan and Y/N why it’s best they leave.

Taking her out of there, his hand on her lower back, Grayson made sure he was fast and he left no room for Ethan to make a play on her emotions.

“I’m fine.” She tells him before he has a chance to ask, basking in her glorious smile right after for she holds his hand tenderly and pulls him closer, her other hand grasping his shirt to pull him down and meet her brazen lips.

Without complaints, Grayson accepts her supple lips and closes his eyes to fully enjoy the moment, blind to more than one spectator for his mother, sister and sister in law arrived shortly as their kiss consumed them, but the pair paid no mind to the world around them as they parted and got into the car with one goal in mind – hotel room, no clothes and a lot of screaming and laughing for days to come.

Barely leaving the room, Grayson and Y/N enjoyed each other’s company. She had found herself happily nuzzled in his side regardless if it’s to steal a kiss, make him smile or simply to rest her head as they watch a movie. There appeared to be no limit to their attraction nor their need to taste each other. Grayson loved discovering every inch of her skin, as if he is mapping her body to commit to memory.

“Do you really have to go?” He whines, his face buried in between her breasts, leaving open mouth kisses along her sternum.

“I have a job to get back to. But you’re gonna be there in a month too and we’ll know if this worked or not by then.” She smiles as he huffs, playing with his hair – wrapping every lock around her fingertips.

“Don’t take the test before I come.” He pleads, but she agrees far too quickly.

“Unless I get symptoms, I won’t.” She sighs, looking up at the ceiling. “I wish I never had to leave this room.”

“Me too.” He whispers softly, looking up at her with adoration in his eyes. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

And while he said it would be a month when they parted with one last kiss at the airport, Grayson already started to scheme how to shorten that time and go see the woman he was convinced is pregnant with his baby. He felt it in his bones and he couldn’t wait for a full month.

So, he made different preparations instead – he made room for himself in the Los Angeles branch of the company he and Ethan ran from New Jersey, making sure he’d be there with her every step of the beautiful journey. And he had every intention of making her his, permanently, in that time as well.

Little did he know when he arrives there in twenty days, he’d find his Y/N on a date with someone else.

When he saw her hug another, his heart cracked and he felt his chest constrict. Grayson holds his breath behind pursed lips, his hands forming fists to stop the shaking. She wraps herself around him, too close for his liking and he can’t help but wonder if their time together really meant nothing to her at all. He had hoped she’d abolish the no strings rule, but he felt silly now. She’s gazing through her overly made-up eyes with her cloying vapidity, simpering softly until he tells a joke. Then she giggles like she's a child, slapping his chest playfully while Grayson is stuck in the background, watching her with someone new…or perhaps it’s someone old she never told him about.

He can't say anything about it, to do so will put their friendship at risk, and that is something he won't do. Friends like her don't come along too often. But then again, can he ever go back to just friends after he’s had her in every imaginable way? Friends don’t know how you taste and he knew every inch of her skin. He knew her.

Clearing his throat, Grayson decided not to be a bystander again. He would never sit back and watch her leave with another man again and if he has to, he will fight for her love. This won’t be history repeating itself – he vowed it before walking toward them in strides, to make sure the hug is the only intimacy they have time for.

“GRAYSON?!” Before he can even make his presence known, Y/N catches him from the corner of her eye as he approaches, pushing away the other guy in her excitement only to run straight for her best friend, jumping into his embrace unexpectedly enough to make Grayson stumble upon impact.

“OOf! Slow down, love.” Grayson’s jealousy subsides long enough for him to wrap his arms around her, pressing her closer until he can hardly breathe but air is the last thing he needs now. All he needs is her and that flowery scent of her beautiful hair as he’s once again buried in it.

“SHUT UP!” She yelled, making him wince because she quite literally screamed in his ear but he smiles nonetheless. “I missed you so much.” Whispering softly, she hugs him tighter and he’s certain his lungs are no longer able to expand but it feel so, so good to have her return the emotions he’s been carrying around. It was insufferable to be apart from her, but the feeling of having her back in his arms couldn’t be described by any earthly words.

“Should I go?” The stranger Grayson forgot about had spoken up, making Y/N’s eyes widen before her hold on Grayson relents and she’s stepping back a moment later with a shy smile upon her lips.

“Yeah. I think that’s best.” Pressing her lips together, she waves the man goodbye as he shakes his head in disbelief, turns on his heel and walks away and maybe it’s because Grayson expected an altercation or because he needed it for his own ego boost, but he was disappointed... And a little too happy he was her obvious choice.

“Come on.” Tugging him by his arm, Y/N drags Grayson inside and while she wanted to be the innocent best friend he’s used to, she couldn’t wait long before she had him alone.

“So, uh…Who is that guy?” Grayson didn’t waste time. While Y/N planned to toss her clothes aside and make his jaw drop, Grayson shrugged his jacket off and shoes next, starting up what she hoped he’d ignore. But then again, discretion was never his strong suit.

“Are you? Jealous?" She teased with a cocky smirk upon her rosy lips, drawing him near with every passing second. Rolling his eyes, he shakes his head. Would it be smart to come clean so soon?

"Maybe. It's just...weird." Gulping, Grayson pulls away, something he never imagined he'd do. Whenever she’s a part of the equation, he only ever saw himself being impossibly close to her but now? He couldn’t let her just blatantly ignore his concern.

"Why?" Her eyebrows furrowed as she frowned, praying she's hiding the hurt of rejection well enough not to be caught by him, the man who knows her best.

"Because you might be pregnant and I really want this pregnancy to be our time. To be just us." Pressing his lips together, Grayson drops his gaze, his mind made up though his heart isn't. "But if you want to date I won't stop you."

But she didn't want to. Not at all. She wanted Grayson and perhaps that's why she decided to tell a white lie.

“I never even kissed the guy. He’s got a thing for me, but he just walked me back after work. It’s nothing important.” But that wasn’t the lie she planned to tell.

"I lied. I took the test and it was negative." She promised him she'd wait for him and she did, but she can't risk losing him yet. She needs more nights lost in him, drunk on his cologne and sloppy kisses. She isn't ready to let him go.

"Oh. I guess we need to keep trying. If that's what you want?" Fighting a smile despite his initial disappointment, Grayson took one step closer as her encouraging smile warmed his insides.

"Guess we should. How about we resume here? Now?" The best relationships are often when people are not the same, yet complimentary, each bringing qualities that help the other. This felt like that – they had the important things in common but they have always been different enough to make their lives exciting. So when she cocks her head to the side, giving him access to her neck, Grayson is quick to respond and latch his lips just over her sweet spot, relishing in the moan it elicited.

But it didn’t stop that night. It felt like New Jersey all over again – every moment they could spend together was filled with romance, dates, stolen kisses in public and openly sensual kisses in private. He drove her mad with every touch while she put his worries at ease with every kiss. While she sought an adventure filled life he provides, he wanted a woman that made him giddy with every new sunrise by her side.

From their beach dates to the late night dancing barefoot in the kitchen, stargazing and dinners and movies, to driving around just screaming to their favorite songs like they’re teenagers again. They wasted so much time…So many years they could have been happy were gone, but neither would ever let another moment slip away. So they used the passing months wisely, catching up on everything.

“Can you come home?” She left the message on his voicemail, unintentionally calling her apartment home and to some degree it’s become one. Grayson never found a place to stay since he was renting the house he and Ethan used to live in and she never wanted him to. But today, she needed him. Though he told her he’s going to be in meetings all day, Y/N was hoping he’d see her message and drop everything.

Realizing how selfish her thoughts are, she shakes her head before sighing. Anxiously looking at the pregnancy test in her hand, she toys with the idea of taking it alone and surprising him with it later. She figured maybe it wasn’t really positive and she just ate something bad. Besides, she had some blood on her panties a few weeks ago and while it wasn’t a normal period, blood is blood. Right?

Luckily, she didn’t have to deliberate for long. They always joked about how Grayson could feel whenever she needed him but it always proved to be true. Even now, without even thinking twice about it, he had showed up for her with a box of chocolates she adored.

“What’s the emergency?” Grayson worried because every time he felt her distress in the past, he found her either heartbroken over a guy or there was a death in the family – even if that one time it was a pet fish she grieved for.

“Oh.” Swallowing thickly, Grayson found the reason before she uttered a single word. “Did you take it?” His curiosity was strong, but his furrowed eyebrows showed just how it put him on edge too. If she’s pregnant, does it mean they no longer need to sleep together?

Did it mean she was once again off limits? Deep down, they both hoped it would be a negative, just so they could keep up their no strings attached relationship without putting their friendship at risk but what’s the point?

Are they not past that stage? Neither of them has guts to ask. Not even Grayson, even though he’s always been great in communicating his feelings with her, if his actual feelings for her didn’t count.

“No. I wanted to do this with you. Plus, I threw up this morning…three times…because of chicken.” His eyes show the kind of gentle concern she’s unaccustomed to. He lays his hand lightly on her shoulder, and instead of flinching like she usually does with others, she’s soothed by it. He leaves his hand there and speaks with such a soft voice that his words calm her more by the way they are said than the actual words.

“I’m here. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be there. Whatever you need.” It feels as if she’s wrapped in a blanket of his caring. How could she be scared of losing him when he’s never once left her side? How can she not consider her actions now when she could see how profoundly they affect him too? He’s always going to be the one. Perhaps it was Ethan for her teenage self, the woman she forced herself to be back then but it’s Grayson now…maybe it always was.

“I love you.” She whispers, terrified when his face falls and his eyes widen. She can feel the fear in her chest waiting to take over. Perhaps it only wants to protect her from more pain but there really isn't any danger. It sits there like an angry ball propelling her towards an anxiety she just doesn't need.

It’s Grayson, he won’t hurt her.

Or so she tells herself.

“I’m in love with you.” She clarifies, her lips quivering as she speaks and he can’t believe the words he waited his whole life to hear are finally spoken.

“I waited my whole life to hear that.” Grayson’s lips twitch as a smile creeps up on his face, removing the serious man he was moments before and he can’t help but giggle like a baby when she pecks his nose – quickly as if she’s suddenly shy before him, as if he doesn’t know her body, movements and even the slightest changes in her facial expressions. He’s always known her better than anyone.

“I love you too. So fucking much…for so long.” He admits, eyes filled with tears as she too starts to cry from happiness.

“And I’m pretty sure we’ll have a baby.” She adds, waving her hands before her face to stop her makeup from spilling down her cheeks, but her smile never falters. Her eyes hold so many emotions at once, but her smile has only one purpose – to make him forget about all the worries he carries with him in the outside world.

“Let’s find out!” She scrambles to her feet, running into the bathroom as he watches her in complete bliss, happiest he’s ever been. She’s closing the door slowly, teasingly, keeping her eyes on him all the way before they’re shut and he can’t help but laugh when he hears her open the tap, aware she’s got a shy bladder and him being able to hear her is making it harder for her to pee.

He finally had an inner happiness, one utterly independent of the outside world. She smiled like it burst from within instead of being worn like an obligation in the way others did and Grayson never felt as grateful as he did just now, aware her smile will be a permanent presence in his life.

“It’s done.” She walks out with a slight spring to her step, holding the stick in her hand and she couldn’t stop her impatient pacing around Grayson, not even when he tried to pull her down to the bed with him. All he wanted was to kiss her and calm her as she does for him, but she needed this freak out. He understood that.

Glancing down, she huffed before her mind registered what her eyes caught sight of. There was an explosion in her brain - the good sort, the type that carries more possibilities than she could be conscious of, but there were hundreds of ideas of the future in that buzz of electricity... she could feel it. It was the calling card of adventure, of paths awaiting her feet. Whatever was ahead could be a great challenge, and there could be tears, but it was her adventure to take and so she smiled. After all, she wouldn’t be alone.

“It’s a positive.” She let the stick fall as Grayson stood up with his own emotions bubbling to the surface, allowing him to sweep her off the feet. Littering her neck with kisses, Grayson spun them around as she squealed, holding on tight with her legs wrapped around his waist.

Had someone told her she’s be in love with a baby on road five months ago when she attended Ethan’s wedding, she’d laugh at them. Not too long ago, she felt herself break for his twin only to realize she was in love with the wrong twin all along.

That night was different. She always felt Grayson put his emotions in every kiss and every move whenever they had sex, but the tenderness of their emotions being out in the open with the happy news overflowing their senses, it didn’t feel like sex. For the first time in her life she understood what it means to make love – to truly love someone with every part of your soul. She always kept some of her heart and soul for herself in past relationships, even with Ethan, but Grayson stole every last bit of her and yet she felt complete, fulfilled like never before.

That night felt right. He felt right.

“What will you tell your mom? Ethan?” She trails her fingers up and down his chest as his hand remains over her lower abdomen, hesitant to move an inch away just in case he feels something even though he knew it wasn’t likely.

“That I love you and you love me and we made ourselves a little miracle.” Grayson takes her wandering hand in his free one, pulling the back of it to his lips. As he leaves a lasting kiss, she grins but the thought of telling people still made her reluctant to leave the bed.

“I’m scared. They might hate me.” She admits sheepishly, looking up at him only to see his frown deepen.

“Ethan is married and my mom loves you. Cameron misses you too. It’s going to be fine and if it isn’t, I won’t let them make you sad. I’ll protect you.” Pecking her nose to seal his promise, he narrows his eyes in thought.

“You know what? I’ll text them all in the family group chat!” Grayson jumps from the bed, using the momentary shock to get away from Y/N before she shrieks. “It’s gonna be painless! I’ll send them a photo of the positive test to prepare them!” His explanation made no sense at all, of course, but he was fast, too fast for her to stop him.

“THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW WE’RE A THING!” She screams, her head in her hands as she blinks fast, trying to understand why he’s doing this but it’s not hard to forget his continuous talks about wanting to be a dad their whole friendship. It was something to boast about for him, but she was mortified. She respected his mother and she felt it was something she should learn of in person, but he had a different idea.

“Fuck.” Grayson’s eyes widen, aware she’s right but it was too late. He had pressed sent before his mind could take responsibility and control over his body and it took exactly ten seconds for his phone to explode because not only did he send it, but he posted it online.

“Why are you pale? You’re literally changing shades!” Y/N jumped too, worried his mother was already freaking out on them but as she looked at his phone and the frantic attempt he made to hide what he’s trying to delete, she realized he had made the entire world freak out.

“GRAYSON BAILEY DOLAN!”

Within hours, their secret was out. Even if he wasn’t a YouTube star anymore, the fan base remained loyal and the photo from his Snapchat was everywhere.

“Shower and get ready while I book us tickets home. Your mom deserves a real explanation.” Y/N ordered as she put her hair up in a tail and he knew better than to argue. After the lecture she held for hours with several mutual freak outs, he knew it was better to be quiet and just be glad she’s not leaving his ass.

Kissing her temple, he was surprised she didn’t push him away as it was the first physical contact they made since his mistake spread worldwide.

“You’re letting me touch you?” It passed his lips without thinking, making her turn to him and her hands quickly found their way to his face, pulling him down to her lips. It was a short kiss, but a reassuring one.

“I’m not sure who you’ve dated but I love you and I’m not going to torture you, okay? You made a big fucking mistake but it’s not something I’d hold over your head. Just get ready.” As he disappeared in the bathroom and turned the shower on, Y/N planned to book tickets and get ready too, but fate had different plans when her bell rang in a few minutes and she opened the door only to have the shock of a lifetime.

Heart beating frantically, she tried to compose herself in order to hide just how upsetting it is to find him there without even calling first. She didn’t need him showing up at her doorstep now…had he done it eight years ago when they broke up after their two year long relationship, maybe then she’d be happy. Now? It was unsettling.

"Why are you here, Ethan?" She frowned, her eyes hard and her jaw set, no room for forgiveness in her but he had to try. Walking past her and inside, he licks her lips before opening his mouth again. He knew he had to choose his words carefully.

"I'm here for you." He could hardly speak, his mouth dry and his hands shaky, feeling like a teenager once again. She always made his insides turn with every look and every smile, but this felt different. She was his judge and jury and he sure as hell committed a crime against her.

"You have a wife, Ethan. You married the girl you told me not to worry about!" Y/N reminds him, memories of their undoing running through her mind.

"Oh, you're gonna kiss her?" Y/N gnawed on the inside of her cheek anxiously, aware this isn't exactly cheating, so why did it hurt? Why did it feel like betrayal? Whenever she looked at her photos, she envied her looks. She looked gorgeous, legs for miles and perfect smile Y/N admired but also envied. Ethan’s fans always made sure she knew how their thought her smile is hideous and after a time, Y/N believed them. She stopped smiling with her teeth, hiding it with her hand whenever she could, never aware of Grayson’s sorrow with every hidden smile. But this girl had the smile they’d like. It’s the first thought that haunted her.

"Just for the video. It's all pretend and she's not even my type, okay? I tried getting Grayson to do it, but he's adamant about being behind the camera. Babe, you have nothing to worry about." Brushing her hair back, tucking it behind her ear, Ethan cupped her cheek with a tenderness she had a weakness for. He had the ability to drive her crazy with such simple tricks and she hated him for it. But she loved the way he’d look at her with care, as if she was the only girl he could see.

And she was. Little did she know, Ethan never loved another like her. Not before her and not after, but at the time, he never imagined he’d ever have to look into eyes that weren’t Y/N’s. She had made him thankful for being alive, for every moment and memory they made together. Memories that would later torment him.

"You can even come to the set if it will make you feel better." Ethan offered but she refused instantly. If she’s so beautiful in the photos, Y/N couldn’t handle her in person. It would be too hard to see Ethan, the man she loves so much, locking lips with another, a girl more suitable for him as his mother said.

"I love you, but I can't trust myself not to go feral on her." Y/N chuckled, but she meant it. How do people do this so easily? How can you separate what’s real and what’s acting when you’re immersed in a scene and the other person? Would Ethan be able to? She was most afraid he’d fall in love with the leggy model and she’d be yesterday’s news like people speculated since they went public. Sure, they never specified which model but they sure as hell weren’t shy about shipping him with every woman in the world beside her.

A few months later

"Hawaii?" Not only is it her dream place to visit, but also a chance to be with Ethan and make beautiful memories, but timing was killing her. She wished to spend the mornings at the beach with Grayson and waking Ethan later when she’s all wet from the ocean and having sex in the shower after. She wanted to run wild in the nature surrounding them, to feel rain on her skin as he makes a declaration of his undying love. She wanted to watch the sun set in his embrace and go skinny dipping under the cloak of night.

"I really can't. My cousin is having that surgery and I'm the only family member around that can take care of her. Damn it." Letting out a frustrated sigh, she threw herself on the bed with a dramatic flare she picked up from him. If anything, it’s true that people in relationships appropriate each other’s behaviors.

"That sucks." Ethan followed her move, but he truly felt sad she wouldn't join the trip. After everything he's been through with his family and losing himself in the past year he finally started to see the light at the end of the tunnel yet she was never waiting for him there. He woke up one day, finally feeling better and saw the distance between them and he feared what it would turn into if they don't reconnect. He easily forgot all the months she didn’t leave his side and her listening to every rant he could produce or her forgiving him every time he snapped at her. She was always there, but his insecurities had started to flood him and he couldn’t help but wonder if she’s avoiding spending time with him. He wondered if she loved him at all or if she found him to be the safe option – routine.

"You won't be alone. Grayson is gonna be there." She tried to cheer him up, unaware of the real list of all the people that would be going as well.

"And everyone else from the video. Plus some other friends." Ethan listed but all she heard was that Kristina would be there. She hated how deep it cut whenever her name came up, especially after the video went public and EVERYONE loved Ethan and Kristina as a couple. They made edits, videos, tagging Y/N in too many of them for her to really see them all but she saw enough. They made sure she knew she wasn’t good enough and they’d never accept her fully. He was always too good for her. At least in their eyes.

It wasn’t easy spending a week without him, complete radio silence. Knowing he was with her made her blood boil and her imagination wasn’t merciful either. But when he returned to her, it was with a smile and thoughtful gifts. As always, she couldn’t stay mad at him.

Soon after, Ethan had come to her with yet another dream trip planned out.

"But all my finals are during that time. I might have a week off for Christmas and New Year's but I'm swamped."

"It's fine." Ethan shrugged, aware there's no reason to fight. "I'll send you a ticked if you change your mind."

"You'll have Grayson. It’s gonna be awesome." Pecking his cheek, she leaned on his shoulder, suppressing the hurt of his continued choices of trips she wanted to take at times he knew she'd be too busy. Maybe it was a way for him to distance himself from her as he had been a bit snappy with every time she couldn’t show up for some gathering. Sometimes, she wondered if he was aware she wasn’t handed the world on a silver platter – she had to work, study, and tend to her family and friends too. He was finally doing better and she was ecstatic for him, but she couldn’t be his whole world.

"Kristina will pick us up!" Grayson screamed from somewhere inside the house, involuntarily adding fuel to the fire.

"She's gonna be there?!" And all her worst insecurities had resurfaced. Not only is he leaving to a different continent for a month or so, but he’d be there with the girl the world wants him with and at a time they seem to be struggling. Does she trust him? Yes. Can she say she’s not afraid he might break her trust? No.

"She's Australian and she’s gonna be there. So yeah." Ethan shrugs, lost to how it infuriates his girlfriend. He never did see the warning signs nor the way his fans’ comments tore her down and slowly scrapped her confidence to nothing. He had watched her light go out without ever doing anything to keep it safe.

"Is there a reason you keep taking trips with her whenever you know I can't leave LA?" She crossed her arms, standing up as her anger bubbled to the surface and her jealousy began to show. Accusations thrown were proof enough their relationship is crumbling, loss of trust filling the cracks left by their lack of communication and as time went by, they allowed the cracks to grow too big.

"No, but you're gonna find one." He grumbled and she only chuckled in disbelief.

"Nice. Turn it against me. Make me out to be the bad guy."

"Look, I can't keep doing this. Your unfounded jealousy is driving me nuts and if you can't trust me, why are we together?" He raised his voice but kept his cool, noticing her arms fall at her sides. It’s exactly what she always feared…he’d find a reason to cast her aside. All she could think is when did he last cry because she was hurt, or come running because he thought she needed help? He used to be so attentive and she understood when he needed to be cared for after his loss but he never really cared for her after that. She became the one making efforts to heal him while her own heart and mind were breaking in the process.

"Are you ending this? Leaving me?" She stumbled over her words as her heartbreak sounded like an explosion inside, making her legs weak.

"I'm saying I need a break. To think. To remind myself why we fell in love in the first place. You were supposed to be the one who stood by me forever and instead you are so mentally fragile that you can't believe in me against the smallest of whispers. But I stand by my offer. I'll send you a ticked if you want one."

Looking back at it now, Ethan knew it was mostly his own insecurities and depression talking and he hung around Kristina so much at first because he felt like that's the only time Y/N shows she cares for him. He had no idea he'd fuck up so bad. He had no idea he was breaking her to the point of no return and that he’d lose her forever.

"I know. But say the word and I'll leave her. We can try again. We can be what we should have been back then!" The way he talks is through his entire body, using his hands, facial expressions, every tool he can use to convince her, make her fall for him again.

"Like the tickets you promised to send me back then? The ones I never got?" And then it dawned on Ethan. Grayson told him he'd handle it. He sabotaged them.

“I asked Grayson to do it…I thought you had them and just didn’t want to come.” Ethan leaned back on the wall for support, wondering why his brother would ever do that to him when he knew Y/N was his sun back then. And even after.

“Right. Nice excuse there.”

“I’m not lying!” Ethan exclaims, shaking his head. “I’m not even sure where he is, but when I find him, I’ll kick his ass before finding out who’s the poor sap that let him impregnate her.” Ethan’s jaw clenches as he takes a step toward Y/N who reacted on instinct when she stepped back, her eyes relaying uncertainty she feels and the slightest bit of fear once she feels the alcohol on his breath.

“Just stay there.” She’s shaky, her mind running with a thousand worries and none of them are giving her room to breathe. Placing a hand over her lower abdomen, she turns her body sideways to protect her unborn child. She didn’t think he’d hurt her in any way, but she didn’t know him as well as she used to and alcohol was never a peaceful companion.

“I just want to hold you.” Ethan croaks, stepping closer when Grayson finally shows up.

“Stay away from her.” Getting in between them, Grayson shields Y/N from Ethan, holding Ethan’s gaze long enough to allow her to slip aside and take a deep breath. While he’s still dripping wet with nothing but a towel hanging low on his hips, Grayson stood proudly before his girl.

“You’re here?” Ethan chuckles, but then his smile is erased when he takes a good look at them both. “You’re here.” He repeats, realizing the horrifying truth he guessed before but never quite believed it.

“Did you…did you impregnate the love of my life?” Eerily quiet, his tone is sharp and voice low, deep and rumbling as his anger clouds his vision.

“You mean the love of my life? You married your girl, Y/N’s always been mine. You took her from me and I wasted ten years of my life watching you take her heart before breaking it. I won’t ever hurt her like you did. Now get out and come talk to me when you’re sober.”

Nostrils flared, Ethan nods, gnawing at his bottom lip as he glances at Y/N and walks back. Hands in his pockets, he chuckles lowly before walking out, leaving the pair alone.

“Are you okay?” Grayson’s concerned voice quickly makes its way to her heart, allowing it to beat at a peaceful pace, once again with the one she loves.

“Yeah.” She manages before hugging him, hiding her face in his chest with new cloud of doubt in her mind…did Grayson really sabotage them?

Their flight was almost twelve hours later, missing the one she wanted to catch while they cuddled to calm down. It was mainly for her benefit and Grayson was happy to oblige.

She was quiet. When Grayson picked up their suitcase, she simply pecked his cheek as a thank you. When Grayson had to swerve to avoid a crash, wide-eyed as he asked her if she's okay, she placed her hand on his knee and nodded. When they sat for hours during their flight, she stared through the window and Grayson felt the lump in his throat grow with every passing minute.

Despite what she may think, Grayson heard a good deal of the conversation she held with his brother...the man she used to whisper I love you before him. Knowing Ethan wants her back and is willing to blow his entire marriage too had made Grayson revert back to the angry, doubtful, hesitant man he was when he first lost her to his brother and it hurt...it hurt that she chose Ethan who had his face but a vastly different personality. Grayson felt inadequate, unworthy, unlovable and to feel that way again, ten years later and when she's pregnant with HIS child? It was worse than before. Insufferable, absolutely soul-aching and tiresome.

Did she regret it now? Regret him and their unborn child? Did she hate him for not sending those tickets? Was she wondering what her life would be like if he had sent them?

Whether he wanted to or not, he certainly thought about it. Imagining them making up, staying together and getting married, his Y/N having his twin's children? It made him sick to his stomach. And frightened of the future, of the simmering fire in her mind as it uncovers every memory she has from that time.

And she did. For a moment, the thought of Ethan crossed her mind but she didn't linger too long on what could have been, rather on why. She wished she knew why Grayson did what he did back then and if he didn't intervene, would Ethan be sitting next to her instead? Maybe...but he isn't and she should ask Grayson for the truth but she knows he's insecure about her past with Ethan, even if he doesn't voice those concerns.

So, instead of rehashing the past, she gave herself time to get over it in order to protect Grayson from any hurt. She told him she loves him, she's carrying his child - isn't that enough to prove he's the one she wants?

"It's going to be fine." Grayson places his palm over the back of her hand that laid flat on her thigh. He could tell she's worried as her gaze fixed on the house he grew up in, overwhelmed with possible scrutiny she may face. He wouldn't let her take the heat.

Interlocking their fingers, he saw her lips quiver momentarily before she pressed them together, turning back to him with a reluctant nod.

"I know." Her heavenly voice eased his own anxiety, making him smile in return before their hands parted and they left the car.

And as they move inside, Grayson placed his hand on the small of her back, looking at her with admiration. He should be worried, but he can't find it in him to regret anything that happened between them in the past five months. The only thing he regrets is the time wasted they could have spent together.

However, the moment they walk in, their worry is replaced by utter surprise when they're met with a rather happy little group.

"Congratulations!"

Lisa, Cameron and her husband, Kristina and...Ethan, all clapped as Grayson and Y/N half embraced one another, Grayson's grip stronger to make sure she doesn't fall back in shock. He looks to Ethan for a moment, wondering how he got there so fast but decides to keep quiet. It's the best thing for everyone.

"Oh, wow!" Y/N exclaims, struggling to draw a proper breath as everyone cheers and though it's meant to ease her mind, it made her more confused.

"You know?" Grayson turns to his mother who nods, laughing.

"Since the wedding. We saw you two sneaking around!"

Cheeks red and eyes set on the floor, Y/N smiles awkwardly, finding it's even worse when they seem to be so accepting, especially after Ethan came to her door not too long ago, with an offer to leave his wife for her and now he had an arm around his wife's waist.

"Don't be so shy, you're giving me my first grandchild! Plus, you've been a part of the family for so long that I'm happy we are actually family!"

Going through motions, that's how it felt. Everyone's hugging her, kissing her, touching her stomach and all she can focus on is the unrelenting, piercing gaze of her former boyfriend. She'd glance around the room, simply to see if she's the only one that notices, but no one else picked up on the dynamic between her and Ethan. Even Grayson seemed oblivious.

"So, everyone is going off to bed." Grayson whispers in her ear, kissing her neck delicately as she smiles, leaning back into him.

"So, what do you suggest we do?" She raises an eyebrow, craning her neck to peck his Adam's apple, relinquishing control as he sways them lightly to the beat of their hearts.

"Maybe you could talk to me?" Ethan startles them, making their little moment end prematurely when Grayson really wanted to slow dance with her where he once saw his parents do the same. He thought it would be romantic, but he found himself ticked off instead.

"You need to stay in your lane, bro." Grayson warns, his face dark as he meets Ethan's longing stare - the one he wore since he met Y/N and he knew Ethan could see he was suffering yet he never cared, so why should he?

"I'll talk to you." Y/N, however, had a different idea. Perhaps it was time to talk, calmly without any bitterness inside her.

"You don't have to." Grayson reminds her, but she just nods, silent again as her lips touch upon his, barely long enough for him to feel anything before she walked away, outside where he feared he might lose her again.

He swore he'd never stand by and watch her walk away with Ethan or any other man again, but he found himself doing it once more.

"So, I'm not going to be the enemy forever?" Ethan leaned on the wall, his eyes alight with the lamp above his head.

"I'm here to close that chapter of our lives." She folds her arms over her chest, absentmindedly tapping her foot against the wet ground beneath her feet.

"Close? So it was open all this time?" Ethan's voice beckons her to respond, his regrets written on his face and he couldn't hide it at all. If he knew he had a chance at any point in time, he'd have taken it.

"Until I saw you get married, I had trouble letting you go." Y/N admits, looking back at the house and up at the room she and Grayson are meant to share is already illuminated by the lamp beside the bed.

"But not anymore. I love Grayson and I think a small part of me always did." Smiling, she looks back at Ethan who swallowed thickly, nodding with a heavy heart.

"Was any of it real? Did you ever love me or was I always the wrong brother? The one you settled for? Why does this hurt so much?" The way he bows his head, unable to look her in the eye is breaking her heart because once upon a time, Ethan really was her prince charming. It hurts to see him so consumed with the past they left behind long ago - the past that consumed her too, up until Grayson saved her from it.

"Because it was real. You stole my heart when I least expected it." The joy in her voice when she spoke about them made his heart break further and even the light her eyes held when she remembered the time he had made her so incredibly happy made him smile despite the pain.

"I loved you for a really long time, Ethan, but I can't lie and say that the main reason why I didn't say yes to you when you first asked me on a date wasn't Grayson. I buried those feelings for years and I fell in love with your beautiful soul and brilliant mind but you also broke my heart and damaged my ability to trust people and love. You found a really good woman, E. Maybe it's time you appreciate her and let me go." Pressing her lips together, she let out a heavy sigh as he kept his gaze steady on her, his eyes sparing no tears as they fall freely.

"Okay? You can love me and still let me go. Because I let you go. For good." And with that, she took a step back, walking back to the house and with every step she felt lighter, happier, while Ethan remained behind.

"You can get out now." Ethan spoke up once she entered the house, looking up at the roof where he heard his brother hiding. He always listened in to people talking as a kid, well...they did it together. He had a feeling Grayson wouldn't miss this talk.

Looking down, Grayson rolls his eyes, slowly moving himself down. He had to be careful or Y/N would kill him if he hurt his back. Maybe she'd kill him for being there at all. It occured to him she may see it as his lack of trust in her, but it was more about his fear of not being enough for her...thank maybe Ethan was still a fresh wound for her.

"You won. She chose you." Ethan says, kicking a rock with his hands in the front pockets of his sweatpants.

"I didn't doubt she would." Grayson shrugs, but he was never a good liar. Ethan could always read him.

"Riiight. Look, I'm sorry. I won't be doing any stupid shit anymore. I had my chance and I blew it and...Looking back at it, I was the one who stole her from you. Deep down, I knew you loved her but a part of me didn't care because I loved her too. I convinced myself she didn't feel the same for you but you two were always closer. She was so much like me, but she always found common ground with you. You made her laugh like I never could and if she's gotta be with someone else, I'm glad it's you."

Finally at peace, Grayson and Ethan parted ways that night as brothers once more. Ethan made his way to his wife, promising himself to show her love she deserves and Grayson? He went to his soulmate with arms wide open, a promise to be the best father he can be and if she allows, husband as well.

"How are you?" He whispers, his hand back on her stomach as she laid on her back beside him.

"Happy." She hums, letting out a heavy sigh.

"But?" Grayson knew that sigh and he knew her, she was holding out on him.

"I finally cut ties with Ethan, but I can't help myself...why didn't you send those tickets?" Looking up at him, she pondered if he'd tell her the truth but he had no reason to lie now, did he?

"Because he told me to send you tickets the same day I saw him kiss her for the first time. I didn't want you to come there and pick up on their shit only to be stuck in Australia for the holidays." Kissing her forehead, Grayson drew a shuddered breath.

"And maybe because I worried he'd find a way to convince you to forgive and forget." But Y/N felt this meant more. Did he think she'd do that this night too?

"You know I love you? Since you asked me to cook for you in return for a watch! And this...you and me and this miracle we made...it's everything." Turning to her side, she splayed her palm on his chest, over his heart.

"You gave me your heart Grayson and I plan to keep it safe for as long as I live."

"Marry me then."

He didn't expect her to agree, not ever let alone when he asked so spontaneously without a ring or a big romantic gesture. Her nails weren't done anyway to show off the ring as most girls seemed to like.

"Yes!" But she did. Enthusiastically so. Her lips smashed against his instantly, turning his brain to mush.

But that night was only the beginning of their relationship.

While their families wanted a big wedding, planning everything because Y/N only wanted the final word on the choices they make with an occasional “LET’S ELOPE” freak out, the pair spent time enjoying their love and the growing life inside Y/N.

"It's a girl." Y/N claimed, but Grayson didn't care as long as the baby is healthy. Ever since the first ultrasound when he heard a heartbeat, Grayson was impatient to meet the baby and became stubbornly overbearing with Y/N.

She didn’t mind…too much. She’d catch him staring at her as her belly grew, noticing how in awe he is of her, unaware he’s wondering how one so fragile and tiny could grow a human inside and actually bring it into the world. He wasn’t the type to sit back and let her deal with it – he got involved. Grayson listened to audio books on pregnancy, delivery and raising children every day while he built some of the things he wanted for the nursery, always when she was asleep.

They agreed to raise their family in Los Angeles, mainly because Grayson knows Y/N hates snow and the LA climate appealed to her more. But then again, he insisted he should have free reign on the nursery, building everything he can to make it special for their child.

With every passing month, he’d measure Y/N’s belly and note it, downloading an application that helped him keep up with the development.

“Sigh.”

“Did you just say sigh out loud?” Grayson couldn’t help but chuckle at his fiancé, smitten by her even though she was increasingly complaining of her looks – something he made sure to stop with unlimited compliments every day, loving her even when she was terrorizing him with pregnancy cravings and sleepless nights that came with her newly developed snoring problem. Grayson truly adored every part of this pregnancy, especially how horny she became.

“I’m bored.” Sheepishly, she puts her leg over Grayson’s, his hand reacting on instinct as it rubs up and down her calf, lightly massaging her aching muscles.

“The doctor told you to rest. So, you’ll do just that and I’ll be your slave as promised.” Grayson tried to reason with her so many times before, but every time he turned his back on her he’d find her up and about. She is stubborn, but very much ready to have the baby they decided not to find out the sex of.

“I know! But I want to take a walk and get ice cream and have reckless, rough sex without this huge stomach making it impossible. And I want a drink…so bad…but I want to breastfeed too! Oh, God, I didn’t think this through.” Hiding her face in the pillow…as much as she could without turning over on her stomach, Y/N cried out of pure frustration while Grayson rubbed her back and held her close.

Hormones in the last trimester weren’t as helpful as they were in the first two. She cried ten times a day, mostly over the silliest things like “The sun is so pretty” or “That shirt fits you so well” and even “Why do I have to pee again”. Regardless how silly it was, he’d never tell her. Her body is undergoing massive changes and all because she’s going to give him the greatest gift of all – a chance to be a father and start a family, to be a man he wanted to be.

But when her water broke just a couple of days later, neither of them were quite ready for it. While Grayson ran around the house, gathering things she’d need in the hospital he made a Pinterest board about, Y/N was trying to remind herself why she did this in the first place.

It’s all fun and games until the pain starts to set in.

“Oh, we should have gotten a surrogate.” She whined as he helped her in the car, thanking his lucky stars he had the keys at hand and didn’t forget them like Ethan teased him he would.

“You’re doing great, love!” He wanted to be calm and supportive, but even Grayson was screaming in a state of panic and he’d laugh if he didn’t find it quite tragic how he’s acting like a scared teen when he’s almost thirty.

“DON’T SCREAM AT ME!” However, he had to reel it in when she started to cry again, realizing he’s scaring her more. But as they got to the hospital and Y/N went straight to the delivery room, Grayson held her hand all the way through – constantly reminding her to breathe so the child could breathe too, guiding her as much as he could between the hand crushing squeezes she’d administer with every push.

Grayson felt like every fiber of his being was vibrating with anticipation. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins. His hands trembled and his eyes were wide. The moment he heard that first cry was also the moment he felt his life had begun and he never felt such gratitude to the universe that gave him Y/N, his soulmate, who was gracious enough to give him the love of his life. Or two other he’d get in the next four years – their rainbow babies - twins, a boy and a girl.

“You were right. It’s a girl.”

This world is quite astonishing, when you claw your way out of the mire of dysfunction. When you first look over the horizon and see nature without the haze of discontent and petulance. Without any filter, with the naked eye and mind open to the beauty of this world, amazement comes. When you see those simple things, when you can fall in love with the simplest things, everything gets so much better. The larger things become almost overwhelming, the sense of love so much stronger. It is then you realize that before you lived a half-life, greyed and without the warmth each human is born with.

Tags: @mendesficsxbombay @beinscorpio @peacedolantwins @godlydolans @dolandolll @heyits-claire�� @ethanhes

Their Rainbow Baby - deleted scene

#grayson dolan #ethan dolan #grayson dolan smut #grayson dolan x reader #ethan dolan x reader #grayson dolan angst #ethan dolan angst #grayson dolan fluff #grayson dolan fanfic #grayson dolan fanfiction #grayson dolan fic #grayson dolan imagine

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makeste · 5 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 269: LAID HIM OUT LIKE A BROCHURE

Previously on BnHA: Endeavor, Mic, and Aizawa finally caught up with Crust and Miruko after 19 years to help deal with the High End Noumus. Aizawa used his quirk on them, but Girl Noumu was able to get away and shoot acid at them all, and that one bone-tentacle-y Noumu was also able to attack Mirko with his quirk. Speaking of Mirko, she spent most of the chapter kicking away at Tomura’s Noumutank like those guys with the battering ram in Beauty and the Beast. Or maybe just kicking it one time very, very slowly while we cut back and forth from the scene. It was hard to tell. But either way, she didn’t quite manage to shatter it and instead just left it all cracked and leaking. Anyway so everyone keeps saying that if Tomura escapes that would be Very Bad, and I’m inclined to agree, especially since Aizawa and Mic are looking all serious and vengeful, and I’m really going to need them to not die, ever.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor helpfully and terrifyingly cauterizes Mirko’s wounds while Aizawa holds off the Noumu with his quirk and buys time for Mic to go after Ujiko and Tomura. Mic and our new optician friend Exress race down the corridor and Mic immediately uses his quirk to shatter Noumuraki’s tank, which is the fastest and most efficient action we have seen in this entire arc so far. Mic then CORDIALLY INTRODUCES UJIKO’S FACE TO HIS FIST, which caused me to have an awakening, but unfortunately the same can’t be said for Tomura, who’s now lying on the ground very much not awake and seemingly dead. So I guess that’s it, guys. Looks like Dabi is the main villain now. Good for you Dabi, those are some pretty big britches to fill. No that wasn’t a crack about your height. God you’re sensitive. And so now we get to wait another two weeks! You know what, let’s just focus on the part where Ujiko got flattened like a paper bag.

so this is the chapter that was originally scheduled to be released on Kacchan’s birthday, but what are the odds he’s not even in it. how do you all think the traffic light trio is doing. this has been the world’s longest evacuation. or do you think they already finished a long time ago and are just hanging out now and being all “can’t wait to hear back from everyone else, I’m sure they’re all fine and dandy.” which would be funny, you see, because everyone else actually isn’t fine and dandy at all! do you get it. ahaha jokes

anyway so this chapter is titled “the three of us”, so I’m guessing there’s more Aizawa/Mic/Shirakumo angst on the horizon! so you’re just going to keep on assaulting my battered heart then, Horikoshi. cool. coolcoolcoolcoolcool

HEY NOW

HORIKOSHI WE TALKED ABOUT THIS. I WILL LAUNCH YOU INTO SPACE

fffff -- okay well whatever!! it’s a manga!! she’ll be fine! they have manga science! Recovery Girl can heal her legs and her side and everything else, and get her a nice new robot arm, and she’ll have a cool scar on her ear. happy thoughts happy thoughts

FFDFSF

IS HE TALKING TO ME OR HER. I FEEL LIKE HE’S TALKING TO ME. don’t worry Endeavor I will look away for this part

lol excuse me what now

5 minutes?? by whose reckoning, exactly?? jesus christ. I bet if he turned his flames off we’d learn that he has grown a whole new actual beard. Endeavor. civilizations have risen and fallen. okay you know what, new theory, Ujiko’s basement lair is somehow running on Narnia time

OH MY FEELS HE SAYS HE OWES HER A DEBT AFTER KYUSHU. referring of course to when she showed up out of the blue to save his ass from Dabi. anyways though how nice of him to express his gratitude by setting all of her wounds on fire

I guess we can stand down from red alert now though since Mirko is clearly going to be just fine

somehow she has more calm while getting her horrific injuries cauterized than I do when trying to decide whether or not to sell electronic turnips in a video game

wuh oh

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HE’S A BARREL OF LAUGHS. actually no that’s a lie, you definitely would have had and did have more fun while fighting Mirko

also, this angle of Endeavor’s face, though

AWAKE! AVAST!! HOLD TIGHT YOUR BUNS! IF BUNS YOU DO HOLD DEAR

god damn it as per usual I have no idea what is going on in action panels even when I stare at them intensely for a full minute or more

I don’t even remember how many Noumus are left at this point now. who’s that sunfish-looking one on the right near Mic?? is he a new one?? is that Crust jumping around in the middle, or is he the one standing near the sunfish Noumu? who is it that’s firing that laser or whatnot in the middle?? did this big Noumu in the foreground on the left just get decapitated??

honestly it seems like they almost have things under control at long last. Aizawa and Mic should just head after Ujiko is already and leave the rest of them to it

so Mirko is now giving them all the details about Tomura and how he’s currently chilling out floating in his sensory deprivation tank

and she’s all DON’T LET SHIGARAKI WAKE UP as if she wasn’t the one trying to smash the capsule open in the previous chapter?? or did she assume he would just sleep through all that lol

also the High Ends have apparently still not completely woken up themselves yet. guess we should be grateful

WELL HELLO

if Aizawa Shouta ever cuts his hair I will declare a national day of mourning

anyways though, reinforcements! about fucking time

did anyone else immediately blink right after reading that last sentence, and then feel a profound gratitude for being able to blink freely at will. holy shit. blinking is so great

what happens if he has to sneeze?? oh my god. and what the fuck why is this a one-man show anyway, where the hell is your husband

okay there he is

“I’m here, too,” says Vision Hero: Exress. and so he is. so what kind of quirk do you have, then, x-ray vision? really hope not, no offense. just don’t see how that would exactly be useful right now. or maybe it’s laser vision, in which case yeah okay we can work with that. you heard the man, go on ahead then

this motherfucker is still alive?!

I really cannot express enough just how steep of a cliff Endeavor has fallen off of in this arc. he has not done a single useful thing aside from the cauterizing. so now it’s up to Eyeballs Hero: Sees Real Good to hopefully somehow oneshot this guy whom the number one hero barely managed to scratch

OH MY GOD AN ACTUAL PLOT TWIST

CRUST ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING. took me a minute to realize he was shouting “go” in that speech bubble, as opposed to randomly screeching out his age, 60

Mic and Aizawa are so hot but I’m feeling such impending doom right now

-- oh no. oh fuck. I just realized -- why are they splitting them up?? sir that’s his emotional support hero

ffff for reals though I feel like Mic doesn’t have the same plot protection as Shouta. and I also feel like this is a very stupid decision in general, and that the guy who can cancel out quirks should be included in the group of people rushing in to capture the scary big bad whose quirk is an insta-kill. but what do I know, I’m just a regular person who didn’t go to hero school and get their hero MBA so MAYBE I’M WRONG. but am I

oh shit oh shit oh shit

not really clear on what Mic is doing here since he should in theory just be running like a normal person, but I can’t complain much about the dynamic pose. and meanwhile Ujiko has finally snapped to the fact that he should have woken Tomura up a good half hour ago!

and on top of all that, it sounds like they didn’t destroy all of their supervillain research data either, so if he does manage to escape we could be right back to square one before long. good thing they definitely positively won’t let him escape!!

OH MY GOD THIS SHIT IS FINALLY HAPPENING AHHHHHH

MIC’S VOICE IS SO POWERFUL IT INSTANTLY SHATTERED THE GLASS WHICH EVEN MIRKO’S NOUMU-DECAPITATING RABBIT LEGS COULD NOT BREAK, OH MY BISCUITS, WE STAN AN ICON AND A LEGEND

DID HE MANAGE TO STOP HIM BEFORE HE ACTIVATED THE WAKEUP SEQUENCE OR WHATEVER THE FUCK? IF YES WHAT IS EVEN GOING TO HAPPEN NOW, WILL TOMURA JUST CURL UP IN A LITTLE BALL AND CONTINUE TO SLUMBER PEACEFULLY WITH HIS HAIR ALL WET. HE’LL CATCH A COLD

BUT FOR REAL THOUGH OBVIOUSLY HE IS GOING TO WAKE UP AHHHHHHHH

nghhh everything’s shattering all dramatically and in slow motion

swear to god if this chapter ends with Tomura opening his eyes while we cut to another two week break, I will... ... ...well I guess I’m about to find out though because that’s exactly what’s going to happen isn’t it

(ETA: if you can sleep through Present Mic’s attack you can really sleep through anything huh.)

lol but first

sploosh. down he goes. timber. still a sleepy boi. I take a nap right here

LORD, MIC IS ABOUT TO RIP UJIKO A NEW ONE AND I’VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE?!

CUE HORIKOSHI CUTTING TO SOME MORE FLASHBACKS OF OBORO TO MAKE US ALL SAD. THAT’S RIGHT, I KNOW ALL OF YOUR TRICKS! BRING IT

1) the fuck is he doing, 2) is this the first time we’ve seen Aizawa call Mic by his name??, and 3) WHAT DID I TELL YOU THOUGH

MY HEART IS A STONE! I FEEL NOTHING! YOU CAN’T HURT ME SO GIVE IT UP. please give it up sob

OH NO

UNDONE BY AIZAWA’S SOFT EXPRESSION AND WISTFUL EYES NOOOO I lied I am not a stone at all I am a big squishy marshmallow of feels oh fuck

OH WOW

DON’T EVER LOOK BACK. ON THE WORLD CLOSING IN!! BE ON THE ATTACK. WITH YOUR WIIIIINGS ON THE WIIIND

he straight up ENDED HIS LIFE. holy shit. 4/24/2020. the day I was sexually attracted to Present Mic

anyways now back to your regularly scheduled sad feelings at the reminder of the fact that yep, Ujiko and all of his fucked up experimenting absolutely did make Aizawa cry. not that I’m saying that’s a crime of even greater magnitude than all his other crimes of kidnapping and torture and research using human children. I absolutely am not saying that. just implying it. in a joking manner. semi-joking. partially. kind of

(ETA: also, belated shout out to the fact that his excuse for doing it was so he could verify that it wasn’t another clone. and since it’s Present Mic, there’s a 74% chance he screamed out “CLONE CHECK!” in English too, which, bless.)

I know there’s a particular side of fandom that largely thinks that all heroes are Garbage Scum, but I mean, look at this scene though of Gazerbeam crouching down to gingerly check Tomura’s vitals. idk, I thought this was surprisingly gentle

I should probably be more concerned about that statement, but truth be told, I’m much more anxious about Gazerbeam going the way of his namesake shortly henceforth. please be careful please I know he looks all floppy and wounded and surprisingly vulnerable --

-- okay, very surprisingly vulnerable --

I really do have a thing for the hair covering the eyes huh. I’m learning things about myself!

but still! he could basically just blink at you at this point and you would turn to dust, Gazerbeam. DUST. ASHES. DEBRIS SCATTERED TO THE WINDS

wow apparently that space tube was doing a lot more than I thought

mhmm. sure. Horikoshi. dude, I can see you sitting there shaking with barely suppressed laughter. did you really think this would get us to let our guards down. are we a joke to you. did you think we would just be all “oh gosh I guess he really is dead then, wow, what a twist”

oh!! the reinforcements!!

did you hear that guys. it’s done. the heroes won and Tomura is dead and it’s really over just like that. what a positive ending for everyone. except Tomura I guess

I’ve said before that U.A. needs to add a course about tempting fate to their curriculum, and I stand by that. this is absurd. it’s like y’all want to die

oh look at that Endeavor finally killed one

was that really so hard. could you not have done that earlier

-- GODDAMN IT ARE YOU REALLY DOING THIS AGAIN

“what if... I dragged it out so much that the dragging-out was the cliffhanger?” that’s some galaxy brain you got there dude. let’s just end the chapter on that WHY NOT

anyway. so there you have it guys. just look how dead he is. that’s the smile of someone who is absolutely, certainly, one hundred percent dead. look at him, all at peace. definitely not gonna finally wake up two weeks from now and properly introduce himself to our new friend Gazerbeam and my new we’re-just-trying-something-out-and-taking-it-slow-and-we’ll-see-where-it-goes boyfriend Present Mic!

lol I can’t lie, these last couple chapters have tested my patience a bit! fortunately this chapter had many saving graces in the form of Mirko, Aizawa, Mic, and for reals though Gazerbeam whom I genuinely did grow attached to almost immediately for reasons beyond my grasping. but I’m starting to get an inkling that Horikoshi is just incapable of pacing himself well whenever the story moves to a basement. or maybe I’m just cranky on account of being holed up in lockdown since time immemorial and only getting my new BnHA fix every other week! maybe, that could be it. maybe. ah well. at least Present Mic punched Ujiko in the fucking face

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80s-roger · 5 years ago

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Not On My Watch (pt 6)

Pairing: Dad!Roger x Mum!Reader (mid 80s)

summary: you’re divorced with queen’s roger taylor due to constant cheating and irrational behaviour towards you. but u have one person in common: your daughter, Laura aka your favourite human on earth. Your marriage with roger had its ups and downs but laura was the happiness in it. Now that she’s 8 and starts to realise how your terms with roger are, you finally tell her that you’re seeing another man except her father and she took it really warmly. She seemed excited to meet the new man unlikely your ex husband who accidentally learns about it by Laura, the weekend you would leave her at his place: on weekends you had some cute getaways with R/N because the court decided that Laura could stay or visit her dad on weekends and stay with him for five days each Christmas and easter vacations. On summers he has the right to be with her for two weeks.

taglist: @madeinheavxn @namelesslosers @stacymaytaylor @adqreu @cherries-n-rocknroll

catch up: part one, part two, part three, part four, part five

masterlist // dialogue prompts

note: this is the filthiest part of the entire series. also, sorry for waiting so long: I tried to think of a good smut scene, i feel like i ran out of ideas but thank you for your feedback!

words: 2,835

warnings: (18+!!!) surface smut, hardcore, penetrating, protected sex, oral, doggy (not anal), squirting, dom!rog - sub!reader, fluff

"Cheers to that." he laughed and took a sip of his red wine.

"Roger, we drank an entire bottle." You laughed back and placed your glass at the coffee table.

"We used to drink more. This is nothing compared to the old times." You were living the seventies the last past hour while being accompanied by a French red rose he recently bought during his most recent tour. You can tell you were both drunk. The dialogue was getting more and more personal.

"Yes, I remember that." You giggled, trying to recall all these times you couldn't stand up due to too much alcohol. "Most of these occurred at Freddie's parties."

"Remember when we went upstairs for a quick shag and we got caught by Freddie?" He hooted and blushed thinking of it but you gotta admit it was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you both.

"Ah don't remind me!" You laughed. "He was like mind joining you? " you mimicked Freddie's voice and Roger extolled at your impression.

"Ah, I have to admit that shit got me jealous, I wouldn't share you with nobody." He admitted, setting free his dominant character. His glass was now placed at the table and his body placed closer to yours. "Neither at the same time nor when we are apart." His hand was placed at your knee, gently rubbing it and slightly going a little closer to your core. "By the way," he started. You were taken aback at the moment, feeling him take control was all you wanted by him. You liked feeling horny in front of him. He didn't have to try hard. "How was sex without me?" He whispered seductively at your ear.

At his words, you bit your lip. Butterflies were flying like crazy in your stomach. You wanted to be so honest at the moment. You turned your gaze at his baby blues, while his hands softly rubbed your thong trying to reach your area, "Boring." You sighed. You had to admit, Roger was indeed a good lay, there wouldn't be a time where you wouldn't come before him or generally come.

"Boring?" He asked amused and you nodded. "Well, you have to remember some things." He winked. "Follow me." He stood up, took your hand and lead you upstairs.

"Um, Rog-" you kinda stopped walking the stairs.

"Yeah?" He asked confused.

"I know we're shitfaced but don't forget precautions." You reminded him because most of the times, he would find excuses to avoid using condoms, which you never agreed with. That's why you always carried them when you were together.

"Oh- sure." He seemed kinda defeated. Maybe he tried to not use again.

You walked to the bedroom, there was barely any lighting to the room, but the slightly opened curtains let the moon, shine your faces.

"Did I have to be this drunk to tell you that I want to fuck you like a sex-deprived man right now?" He rhetorically asked and you couldn't admit the fact you felt the same way.

"Fuck me then." You admitted and bit your lip, driving him crazy.

"Oh no, you didn't have to do that, did you?" He provoked you to wrap your legs around his waist when he pressed you against his cabinet which was right in front of his window. This night was promising. "You missed me being dominant? Hm?" He asked again and pressed his lips on yours with no warning. He was so passionate and thirsty about it. You let out a moan, trying to push him away to breath.

"Oh dear God." You exhaled.

"That's it, my love, he's going to hear you calling him many times tonight." He aggressively turned you around, to face the window while your body was standing at the cabinet. Your butt wouldn't stop pressing against his bulge. Roger felt the tension in that area and grabbed your jaw with his palm to bring his mouth closer to your ear. "I wanna fuck you right against the glass so anyone can see how good you take it." He stated.

"Yeah, I better give them some taste of how good I take your cock." You fought back, provoking him for more intensity.

"I'm gonna take this shirt off you, I want to see your tits bouncing, I don't fucking care." He turned you around and ripped that shirt off you. He made you sit at the cabinet, with your naked back against the window. Alcohol was acting way upon your sober selves. Sex was about to be passionate and intimidating.

Meanwhile, you took off his shirt and unzipped his jeans, leaving him to do the rest. He took off his underwear, revealing his hard cock, ready to fill you up entirely. You tried to take your thong off, but he stopped you, "No, on this round, I want to fuck you while wearing that." His hands placed your thighs and his face came closer to your wet area, giving it a fast lick. "Fuck, you're soaking wet." He looked at you surprised.

"Do what you have to do Roger, please stop playing around." You begged. You needed his cock.

"So needy for me? I like it." He smirked and came to your face for a kiss.

His face returned to your pussy, licking it and fucking it with two of his fingers. Your backside was already getting the freeze from outside but Roger tried to warm you up entirely. "God-" you moaned.

"That's it baby, you taste so nice." He moaned between his actions.

"Roger, I don't want to cum yet!" You closed your eyes and twirled your toes, denying your climax.

"You can have another orgasm again, I know you can do it." His mouth was sucking your area like he was starving, he wouldn't leave that area unbothered, that's for sure. Your hand was pressing his head closer to your clit, practically begging for more sucking. "That's enough for now." he came at your face again, kissing you passionately and then, his tongue entered your mouth giving you a taste of what was like down there. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard you forget that guy's name." he obviously mentioned the guy you were seeing and at the end didn't act like a man.

"Don't be gentle." You vouched between your heavy breathings and Roger helped you spread your one leg a little wider. His hand grabbed the thong's string and pulled it at your inner thigh to get inside you. And now his hard cock was in you, feeling you up entirely. "Ah- God!" You loudly moaned at his fast and hard thrusts that made you lose balance.

"I'd hold onto something, If I were you." He stated with a crooked smile on his face and his one hand grabbed your thigh, squeezing it while the other held your thong. At his statement, you hold the cabinet's edges and it seemed helpful. You were intensely looking whether his cock thrusting inside you or his eyes which looked at the same directions as you. "Fucking hell, you're so hot." He moaned behind his teeth. "So tight for me." he closed his eyes and his head tilted back. "You like being fucked against the window, don't you?" He asked and kissed you.

"Yeah-" you shouted because of his thrusts and the cold you felt at your back. You weren't thinking about the neighbours' seeing you getting fucked; instead, you were focused on Roger's dick. You enjoyed every second of it.

"But you won't cum yet, right?" He wasn't inside you anymore and that void between your thighs now made you whimper. "What? I'll fuck you on the bed too, what did you think?" He playfully asked and pulled you up in his lap, trying to lay you on bed.

"Oh God, Roger, you're gonna do what you had said earlier?" You rolled your eyes because you remember him saying that he owes you an orgasm delay, a wall fucking- which took place at his cabinet, against the window and a good fuck; on four.

"Of course love, I keep my words." He bit his lip and grabbed a condom from his nightstand, preparing himself for the second round. He was standing next to the bed and his hard cock was coming closer to you. "Help me put on the condom. I want to feel your hands over me." He seductively whispered and helped him do what he said. Touching his dick was something he loved about you. You were teasing him and did so many things with it.

"Now what?" You bit your lip and smiled at him.

"This cock isn't gonna suck itself so you better start." He demanded and let you do what it pleases him the most. You laid on his bed, with your head at the place he was standing.

Your hand grabbed his dick, jerking him off, up and down until your tongue sucked his balls, "Christ, fuck!" He moaned at your move and kept doing it until you wanted to actually suck his penis. Your mouth could take him all and you couldn't get enough of it. His hands pressed your face against his cock, at the terms of choking you. You gagged at the lack of oxygen and stopped for a second to smile at him. "You take it so well baby." He encouraged you to keep doing it, with fast moves, until you could feed his thighs trembling. "Yeah, that's enough... I don't wanna cum yet. Not until you're on four." He placed his knees on bed and leaned down to kiss you deeply.

"You're so impatient for it, your mistresses never satisfied you on that?" You laughed and took off your thong staying finally naked.

"They're not you. Now turn over and get on all fours." He started. "Remember, be loud. Give me those moanings I love to hear." He kissed your back before assuming his position.

You stabilized yourself at bed's top, where he used to tie you from time to time. His dick was slowly getting inside your vagina again, trying to make it less painful because that position was always hard for you. You had to take his entire size inside you so you need more time to settle. "Ah, fuck, Roger!" You shouted over the pillows after feeling his dick moving in and out you.

"You're taking it so good babe..." he moaned as his hands grabbed your thighs and pulled them closer to him, trying to lock any distance between your bodies.

Roger having the entire control behind you, made you feel protected; he liked being dominant in bed, liked being the one in control but that never meant he wouldn't listen to your needs or take care of you after sex. You trusted him on that and you definitely liked being sub.

"Moan my name loudly, I want the neighbours to know it was me." He moaned within his thrusts that wouldn't let you breathe normally.

"Fuck, Roger!" You shouted at the slap he gave you combined with your hand that travelled down there to rub your clit.

"You like getting spanked, hm?" He nervously asked, waiting for your loud answer. He knew it was one of your kinks, he would definitely get advantage of that.

"Christ, Roger, yes I do!" You chanted, with your voice cracking in the middle of the sentence.

His hand took yours off your clit, doing the work for you. He wouldn't stop thrusting inside you until he came. He wanted it to be intense and sweaty and he succeeded, for both of you.

"My name sounds so good when you moan it." He said between his heavy breathes and laid on top of you with his dick still inside you. "But I can't see that pretty mouth of yours doing it, so I'll stick with your ass. I like the view." He implied.

"You have to go a little harder if you want your neighbours to hear me." You provoked him to go faster than earlier. You wanted to feel your walls tighten. You didn't have to lie about him but giving you enough pleasure. It was part of the game.

"Oh, you shouldn't have said that." His dick was taken out of you and aggressively turned you around. Now your front side was his view and he looked excited about it.

"Haven't cummed yet right?" He asked and placed his lips on yours. You nodded when his hand grabbed yours on top of bed. "Well, as good as it feels, you will have to try to keep yourself together for my final thrusts. Deal?" He asked and wanked his dick for a few seconds before thrusting inside you again.

"Deal." You answered and prepared yourself for the hard part. Have his entire length inside you. It was a hard task for you, uneasy to hold yourself together.

"Oh, and say the safe word if it gets too far." He added, reminding both of you that you have limits. "Red, isn't it?" He asked.

"Yes." You smiled and arched your back to kiss him.

His pelvis was moving like it had no bones, his thrusts would end you soon enough and you didn't want that. You didn't want any leg paralysis or Roger wouldn't give you his aftercare nor his own climax.

"Remember to be loud." He reminded but how could you forget? You weren't loud at your sober moments. But when you were drunk, it was out of control.

"Rog- Oh God!" Your moan was loud this time, at his attempt to thrust his entire size inside you. That was definitely easy-to-hear.

"That's my girl, you take my cock so nice." He encouraged you and couldn't stop staring at your tits, bouncing up and down. "Who's in charge?" He asked trying to feel assured that he is dominant.

"You are." You said and his hands, led you behind his back, setting you free from his restriction of not letting you touch your clit.

"And who's in charge?" he asked again with his legs almost trembling, making it visible now that he's almost ready to come.

"You are- fuck!" You, being so loud gave him pure satisfaction. He liked feeling dominant, being your orgasm provider. "God, Roger, I'm coming."

"That's it baby, cum for me, moan my name as you tighten around me." He moaned back and locked your legs around his waist, with no void between you. You felt your legs shaking when your climax approached and that energy passed through Roger's body. He was too close on coming with you.

"Ah fuck Roger!" you arched your back while Roger was rubbing your clit, to let you cum. He was so focused on that, his eyes wouldn't stop looking at you becoming a mess beneath him.

"Come on, love, do it. For me." He teased your pussy to finally let you squirt. At that second he took his dick out of your area until you squirted, with the liquids landing at the sheets, on his lower stomach and his penis. "That's my girl." He rewarded you with a kiss and let your hands give him a handjob.

"Roger, that was amazing." You said between your breaths and he finally laid next to you.

"God, agree... It's been ages since I felt so ecstatic." he looked at you and there was silence. You waited for each other to gain some stamina. It was only ten minutes after that and he went to the bathroom to clean himself. "How are you feeling?" He asked when he entered the bedroom again.

"Maybe tired... I don't know how productive will I be at work tomorrow." You laughed.

"At least you're gonna be hella hot, have you seen yourself on sex?" He boosted your confidence.

"Ah stop it." You joked. "I'll go clean myself." You stood up from his bed and walked past him. You gained a gentle slap on your butt and...

"I prepared you a babble bath, I think you need it. I'll change the sheets as long as you're bathing," he told and you nodded fully excited about your after-care routine. He always liked to be the guy who's in charge when it comes to after-care. He liked making you feel you're under his wing.

At your bath time, it was all so calm and satisfying. Nothing could ruin your moment. You were at Roger's home, at his bath. He had probably laid on the bed waiting for you, so you didn't lose any more time. You just grabbed the towel he left for you and walked through his bedroom.

"Rog have you seen the-" You stopped after seeing him snoring at his bedside. "Ah.." you awed.

You got dressed again, wearing his shirt and clean underwear and finally laying for a nice and comfy sleep. You heard exhaling when you found your comfortable side and by then, his hands wrapped your waist, not letting you go.

The next day would be hard for both of you. You didn't know what was coming.

#roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor smut #roger taylor x fem reader #roger taylor x reader #roger taylor x female reader #roger taylor x Y/N #roger taylor x oc #queen #queen band #freddie mercury #john deacon #brian may

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zuffer-weird-girl · 5 years ago

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Kai in the beach half naked ? Serously gggiiiirl !!! I would be the one nagging at him to be fully dressed and never show his skin 🤣🤣🤣🤣 definitely the other girls are staring at our husband. Please don't.. kai is not alllwed to show his skin outside his bedroom and for his wife ONLY 🤚🤚🤚🤚. (No wonder kaito is full of jealous if his wife was like that 🤣) but seriosly .. I don't know what is your idea but I support you.

😙👌 its on the table

"No."

"Please! Just this once I swear! Just one day Kai, please!" You begged while your husband tried to stay concentrated at the paper work in front of him.

"Beaches are full of dirt. You can catch a illness with more ease and do you have any idea on what exactly has inside the sea? Not. Happening." He said sternly while he flipped over one of the many pages.

You huffed while pouting, making your way to the couch and crossing your arms in front of your chest.

"Stop acting like a child."

"Am not." You responded.

"You are."

"Am not!" You singed, smiling when you caught him chuckling in disbelief.

"Yes you are. Look at yourself." He pointed at your figurine, but still with his gaze pierced on the papers.

"Fine then." You got up and moved to the front door of his office "This child here is going to the beach anyway. Maybe someone in here is interested."

"You can't be serious." He sighed in irritation, noticing that you haven't give up on this stupid and antigenic idea.

"What? If you're not going, I am. Simple!" You smiled before exiting the room.

He heard you calling for Chrono and immediately tensed.

Oh you fucking little-

"I despise you." He growled in pure venom as he approached even more than necessary his mask to his face.

"And you married me anyways!" You giggled while coming down the stairs to get in touch with the beach sand you so craved fir the last week.

Your husband breath in deeply and cringed when he only felt the salt of that dirty ocean. Maybe it was better if he let Chrono go with you instead...

Then he looked at your bare back and thighs moving and immediately reminded why exactly he wouldn't let any other come with you.

He was the only one to blame at his personal hell... honestly.

He was mere inches from the sand as he stared down in disgust at the material in general... why he had to fall in love with you...?

"Come on honey, it doesn't bite!" You joked and only laughed at the hot glare you received from your husband. Whose even with fucking flip flops was hesitant abkut touching the beach sand.

He stepped on it in pure rage and cringed hard when he felt the sand coming in contact slightly with his skin.

"You own me big this time. I hope you have that knowledge." He groaned threateningly at you, not even faced anymore when you grabbed his hand and pulled him near to a spot you had found.

He sitted on the towl and started to scrub furiously his legs and feet as you tried really hard to not burst into laughter whille you sitted next to him.

"Calm down is only sand." You giggled.

"Do you have any idea if what had passed or what was dragged to this place? No right? So shut it." He growled while he scrubbed even more harder on his leg, his skin getting pink from irritation by now.

"Hey" you cooed, slowly bringing your hand closer to his, but not yet touching "You're going to yank your skin out of your body at this point." He softened his furious gazes when you replaced the place where his hands had been and carresed slightly.

He scoffed looking at the huge amount of water in front of him... Luckily there weren't too many people on that disgusting place at least.

He felt that you had moved your hands away from him, cursing himself for even feeling the slightest hint of dissapointment, and looked at his side to see you picking a bottle of sunscreen.

"No sunburns for us. Especially you since you're so pale." He frowed and flipped your forehead in response as you yelped.

After it passed sometime for that thing to have at least some effect on, you got up on your feet and looked down at him with bright (E/C) as you pointed at the water.

"You're asking WAY too much of me now angel." He deadpanned while he closed his eyes in annkyance as he sighed.

"Ok then. Watch me!" You runned towards the water and jumped the waves eargly.

He chuckled underneath his mask as he watched his wife being so happy at the way you came in contact with the water. He was sure that when you two got back he would make you take a hell out of a hot shower, but for now he would let you have your fun.

"Hey hot stuff." A woman's voice manifested as he looked up, with boredom and irritation at noticing tjat she had just kicked some sand at him.

He merely lifted up one of his eyebrows at her as a response.

"What a handsome like you doing around in here?"

"Mostly atturing some undesirable company." He groaned, returning his gaze at your sweet form who had waved at him from afar. He waved back just before he heard the woman's scoff.

"Your friend in there?"

"No." He spoke, clearly not wanting to talk anymore.

He wasn't in the mood of overhauling someone on a day off with his wife... Especially on a public area.

"Tsk. What a idiot right? Playing on the water like some toddler." She dared to sit down close to him.

He darkened his eyes as he slowly turned his face at her.

"Excuse me? Care to repeat that again?" His voice was carrying venom but the woman apparently had no neurons at all to get that he was infuriated at her behavior as she laughed.

"Just look at it! How many years does she think she has? Ten?" She placed her hand on his shoulder which was the last straw for him.

"Don't touch me." He slapped her hand away abruptly as he got up in his feet.

"Geez man. Don't know how to joke around? I can show you some fun." She wiggled her eyebrows while he twitched one of his eye.

He went to take off one of his gloves when be noticed you approaching and subsconciously relaxed at seing your figurine.

Well, your look wasn't pleasant when you noticed the woman.

"Hey..." you said awkwardly while squishing your hair to get some of the water out. "Who is this?" You asked to Chisaki who scoffed in disgust.

The woman got up with a ironic laugh and looked you down, definitely judging you.

"No one in particular for you. But anyway~" she softened her gaze at your husband.

She let out a yelp when you slapped her sunglasses out of her face.

"What's with you bitch?!" She yelled. You had to put your arm in front of your husband chest to prevent a murder.

Not that you didn't want that, but you definitely didn't wanted any problem for your husband...

"What's with me?" You growled "Well you are just speaking to this man's wife..." the woman laughed but got pale at seing Chisaki cold and piercing glare at her as he pushed down his mask to give you a kiss on the cheek as he oicked your hand and showed the glory of your alliance, which even shined at the contact with sunlight.

"Are you just deprived of intelligence or earing...slag?" Chisaki murmured with his lips still on contact with your cheek. The woman gasoed at the insult and immediately went to say something to Chisaki but you only stepped closed to her. Murmuring your words that spilled from your mouth like venom.

"Go ahead... insult the leader of the yakusa wrench. Let's see in how many countries your body will be found." You glared deep in her eyes "Approach my husband or even speak about him ever again, and I swear I will be the one to choose and apply your punishment." The woman trembled in fear as she cursed out how crazy you two were as she made her way out.

Chisaki put his mask up again as he collected your things.

"I am quite stunned at the way you spoke to that scumbag angel." He said while you only huffed.

"You know that you're the only one for my eyes. My precious, glorius little angel." He growled close to your ear, making you shiver.

"I'm not in the mood on being in the beach anymore." You murmured as you saw a bunch of teenagers looking at your husband with hungry eyes.

You grabbed his jaw suddenly and crashed your lips with his after you took eargly off his mask, getting the chance that he had gasoed in shock and just make out with him until you noticed those brats had turned away their eyes.

"... Jealousy?" He asked smirking down at you, feeling a big warm on his chest when you nodded reluctantly and hugged him tight.

He sighed... no one has ever felt... jealous of him before, so for him it was unnecessary since you were his first and ever love... but he just carresed your head and nuzzled his nose in your hair before again lushing his mask up.

"Next time listen to me when I say is not a good idea." He said in false irritation as you both started to walk away fron that place.

"Yeah yeah, no beach no bitches pinning after you." He couldn't help but chuckle at your words.

When you two were finally getting closer to the car, you and him heard a whistle, he turned around and darkned his eyes when he saw a bunch of smug surfist looking hungrily at you.

"Hey what a cutie like you doing on here huh?" You scrunch your face at hearing his voice.

"Im sorry, what?" You said offended as you looked at them in disgust.

"What a nice company would you be if-" one of the guys approached you and Chisaki only saw red after this.

The guys was soon overhauled with a single poke of his uncovered index finger, getting the others to shout in fear. Chisaki just as fast outted him back at place as he glared with fire in his eyes at the bastard.

"Out of my sign verm."

You looked at him in surprise and giggled at the way the surfist had just ran out of there along with his friends.

"Jealousy?" You asked giggling before he pushed you to the car.

"Shut it."

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recurring-polynya · 5 years ago

Text

a little in love now and then, part 6/? | ao3 | ff.net |

Summary: Abarai Renji doesn’t have a fortune, but he does appear to be in want of a wife, at least in Lady Kuchiki’s opinion. Fortunately, Lady Kuchiki also has a sister, and a woefully eligible one, at that. (itty bitty Hisana Lived! AU)

Rating: T, for minor cussing

This time: The Cavalry: Renji seeks outside advice.

Renji pounded his fist against the doorframe. He waited. He pounded again. “KIRA!” he bellowed. “KIRA, IT’S ME, ABARAI! OPEN UP, I NEED YOU!”

Slowly, the door slid open, and the exhausted lieutenant of Squad 3 squinted at Renji with purple-shadowed eyes.

“Kira, how do noble people get married?” Renji demanded.

Izuru stared at him for a moment, taking into account the hour, the fact that Renji was dressed in his New Year’s best, and finally, the question. He rubbed at his hair and blinked, before realization penetrated his haze of sleep-deprivation. “What have you done?” he gasped, horrified.

“You look bad, buddy,” Renji observed, before he suddenly remembered the probable cause of Kira’s condition. “Aw, cripes, Kira, I’m sorry. I forgot about, you know.”

“My captain being sent to the Maggot’s Nest?” Izuru asked dryly.

Renji cringed. “Something crazy happened and I thought o’ you, and I really wasn’t thinkin’ and I’m sorry. I’ll just go.”

Kira rubbed at his face tiredly and tried to blink his eyes into focus. “You cannot just show up here and ask me how to marry a noble person and then leave again.” He managed a small smile. “Besides, if you and your captain hadn’t cracked open Aizen’s conspiracy, who knows how much worse things would be. I probably owe you one anyway.”

Renji hunched his shoulders. “I didn’t do anything, aside from trying and failing to beat up that Kurosaki kid.”

Izuru smashed a fist into Renji’s shoulder. “Whatever, meathead. The fact is, I am so sick of auditing the last forty years of squad records that digging you out of whatever horrifying situation you have enmeshed yourself in will be a delightful distraction. Let’s consider it a mutual favor.” He stepped aside and waved his hand. “Come inside and tell me whose honor you have besmirched. I’ll put on tea.”

“I haven’t besmirched anyone’s honor!” Renji excused, trailing his old school friend into his quarters. “Lady Kuchiki wants me to marry Rukia.”

Izuru almost tripped on his way into the kitchen and had to catch himself on the edge of the counter. “What?”

“Not, like, this minute. I guess she’s taken a liking to me, probably ‘cause her baby likes me, and she’s been trying to find a nice husband for Rukia, which seems like a terrible mistake, and she’s made an even worse mistake insofar as judging my suitability for this, and I’m trying to take advantage of it before she catches on.”

Izuru squinted at him. “She wants you to marry Rukia because she likes you? Not because of your decades of loyal pining and sad puppy dog eyes?”

“She doesn’t even know about that,” Renji nodded incredulously.

Izuru set the kettle on the stove. “So, let me get this straight. Back when we were in school, right after Rukia was adopted, you came up with this incredibly half-baked plan to distinguish yourself in the Gotei, impress Captain Kuchiki, defeat him in battle, and… you always refused to say the last part out loud. What was the goal, anyway? To see Rukia again? To prove to her that the only difference between you and a man born all of the wealth and advantage you can imagine is a little elbow grease? To ask for her hand in marriage?”

“Something like that,” Renji replied vaguely.

“And you’re telling me it worked?”

“I didn’t even have to fight Captain Kuchiki!” Renji exclaimed, waving his arms. “Which is good, because you weren’t there when he fought Aizen, but even with my bankai, I’m pretty sure he can still kick my ass.”

Izuru shook his head. “You are simultaneously the most blessed and cursed idiot I have ever met.”

“I know it,” Renji admitted sincerely.

“Okay, so let’s talk about what actually happened,” Izuru said, pulling out a pair of fine tea cups painted with elegant blue cranes. “Did they extend you an offer?”

“Huh?” Renji echoed. “No, nothin’ like that.”

“She just said, Mr. Abarai, you seem like a sporting fellow, would you like to marry my troublesome sister?”

“Rukia is not troublesome! And it was more like, she invited me over for dinner, and afterwards, Rukia said, ‘Oh, my sister wants to marry me off because I’m troublesome and she’s picked you’.”

“Because you seem like a chump?”

“I am absolutely a chump, but I am pretty sure Lady Kuchiki genuinely likes me.” He scratched his head. “It’s weird that a person exists who would marry Captain Kuchiki and also likes me.”

Izuru nodded thoughtfully. “Indeed. And how does Rukia feel about this?”

Renji made a face. “Well, she’s not a huge fan of it, but she didn’t shut it down, either. She’s willing to consider it.”

“Hmm,” Izuru replied with mild surprise. “And Captain Kuchiki?”

“He… doesn’t hate me,” Renji shrugged. “I’m not sure he knows what his wife is up to.”

“I see,” Izuru nodded, pouring hot water into the cups. “And what about you?”

“Me?” Renji repeated.

“Yes, Abarai, you get an opinion, too, you know.” Izuru studied his own friend carefully for a moment, before saying, “People can change a lot in forty years. You two didn’t exactly part on the best of terms.”

Renji’s face stiffened. “I know.”

Izuru took a cautious sip of tea. “I didn’t mean anything by it. You’re my friend and I just want to make sure you’re doing something that will make you happy.”

Renji huffed. “Look, I said Rukia wasn’t quite on board yet, and I ain’t interested in marrying anyone who ain’t interested in marrying me.”

“Granted,” Izuru nodded, waiting for him to go on.

Renji stared at his teacup as he spun it in his hands. “I blew it. Back then. I’m not… I can’t…” He let out a frustrated breath. “Of course I want to get to know her again. I’m sure some things have changed. But I can’t screw this up again. If this is my shot, I gotta take it.”

Izuru knew how much it embarrassed Renji to admit things like this. He felt very grateful that, despite the rocks their friendship had hit over the years, Abarai still trusted him this much. He cleared his throat. “Good. I have the landscape of it. You’re interested, Rukia is open. Lady Kuchiki is for it, Captain Kuchiki exists.”

Renji thought for a moment, and then nodded. “Yeah. That sums it up pretty good.”

“So, let’s talk about the mechanics, which is why I suspect you’ve come to me. In general, it is your prerogative, as the guy, to propose. Very noble families, like the Kuchiki, might extend an offer of Rukia’s hand if they were trying to create an alliance or propose a deal with another family. It’s also possible that could happen if someone performed some great service to the family-- they very well could have offered her to that Kurosaki boy that stormed the Seireitei for her, for example.”

Renji’s shoulders went a little stiff, and Izuru realized he had hit a nerve. Maybe not quite a nerve. A soft spot. “He’s not even dead,” Renji pointed out, not sounding very confident that this was an adequate objection.

“Right, and he’s got no status in Soul Society at all, and also, they didn’t,” Izuru reassured him. “My point is, we should expect that the ball is in your court, at this point. There are two halves to this: proposing to Rukia and getting her Clan Head’s approval. Now, if you were rich and powerful enough, and didn’t care about Rukia’s feelings, you could skip her entirely, and go straight to Captain Kuchiki. Rukia would still have to agree, but it would be mostly on her family to get her buy in.”

“I don’t want that,” Renji mumbled.

“Exactly. Plus, you’re broke. You are still broke, right? If you’re not, you owe me 400 kan for your bar tab on Shuuhei’s birthday.”

“You mean when I had to leave early to drag Shuuhei home because he was blasted?”

“It was 600, but I’m giving you the good friend discount.”

Renji made a troubled face. “I am still broke, but I can pay you back.”

Izuru waved a hand. “Forget it, that wasn’t the point. The point is, and I cannot believe I am going to say this, but unless you plan on winning the lottery or passing your captain’s exam in the next few weeks, you are going to need to charm your way into this family. Lady Kuchiki likes you, but I am going to go out on a limb and say that it’s Rukia’s opinion of you that’s ultimately going to sway her, no?”

Renji nodded curtly. “That was my impression.”

“Then all of this is really a lot less complicated than you think. Spend some time with Rukia. See if she’s still the person you remember. Try to stay on Lord and Lady Kuchiki’s good side. Don’t jump the gun. If it’s meant to be, she should be so thrilled by the time you ask, she can help you wrangle the proper approvals from her sister and brother-in-law.”

Renji sighed, and took a long sip of tea. “What kinda odds you think I’ve got?”

Izuru gave a little shrug. “I’m frankly dumbfounded you’ve gotten this far. We are outside of the range of calculable probabilities.”

Renji fidgeted with the sleeve of his haori. “Do you really think… that Rukia might…”

Izuru settled his chin on one hand. “Abarai, in the time that I saw the two of you together, I found you and Rukia to have the most incomprehensible rapport I have ever seen between two people. I found her to be utterly impenetrable and you to be…” He trailed off. “Look, we’re outside of my area of expertise. I hope I was helpful on the nuts and bolts stuff.”

Renji’s eyebrows shot up. “Yeah! Yeah, thanks, Kira. You were super helpful. I’ll get outta here now, so you can get some sleep, I’m sorry to--”

“Hey!” Izuru interrupted him. “I didn’t tell you to leave. I just said we were out of my depth. Do you wanna call Momo? I’m pretty sure she hasn’t slept in a month, either.”

“Er…” Renji frowned. “Are you really sure--?”

Izuru was already on the phone. “Hey, Hinamori! How’s the endless cycle of self-recrimination going? Oh, you’re stress-baking again? Perfect. You want to get overly invested in Abarai’s personal life with me? Yeah, come over as soon as they’re done. No, you’re going to have to wait and hear him explain it, you would never believe me if I tried to tell you. Okay, great!” Izuru flipped his phone shut. “Momo’s in. She’ll be here in twenty minutes with dorayaki.” He paused. “You’re not imposing. This is good for us. Let us have this.”

“Ah,” said Renji. “Did you say dorayaki?”

#my writing #bleach fanfic #renruki #byahisa #WELP i guess we're doing this now

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geekkatsblog · 5 years ago

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Grey's Anatomy 16x14 review

(Who hurt the writers on Grey's? Everyone is breaking up and everyone's unhappy.)

_________________________________________

Deluca

Talking about him first because he is the biggest mess on Grey's right now and that's saying something. I really hope its sleep deprivation and not anything else because the way he's heading, hes gonna either be put in the mental or fired and either way no one can say he wouldn't deserve it. He was just out of it the whole episode. He was an ass to Dr Haynes who is one of his superiors, Yelling at Meredith in front of everyone, bringing out all of their personal business and even if he didn't care that's really embarrassing for the chief of surgery to be yelled at by a resident. He broke up with Meredith and THEN YELLED AT THE PATIENT. I was just done by then and Dr Riley calling him a machine 😳😱😰, wow what is happening to sweet innocent Deluca? I miss him. I sure hope that they figure out fast and solve what the hell is wrong with him or he's gone.

_________________________________________

Meredith

Apparently had no patients or chief of general surgery duties to do, so she decided to steal Deluca's out of concern, only to be yelled at, dumped and embarrassed by her resident/boyfriend. Honestly I don't know what to say, well for starters she should have either left Deluca alone or suggested the problem to Bailey and have another Doctor take over Suzanne instead of taking over the case. She can't keep using her Chief of General status to protect him. She should have chewed him out and told him to go get some sleep like she would have done with any other resident. Was kinda disappointed she let him talk to her like that. Come on Mer great sex or not he's not worth lowering your respect at work, at least not again you already went through that as an intern.

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Dr Haynes/ Mc Widow

So far so good, still not at shipper level with him and Mer yet, but as a stand alone character hell yea he's awesome. I kinda like him as the peds dr as well, him trying to help Joey with his physical therapy was something that he could have pawned of to an intern but no he made it his priority to find out himself how to help Joey, you can tell he really cares for his patients. My heart melted when he discussed with Bailey on how to help Joey, and then when he tried to defend Meredith form Deluca who is currently in hulk form. He's a cool addition to the cast so far.

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Jo Wilson/Karev

Is definitely on the brink of breaking and who could blame her? However she needs to find another way to break besides sticking her nose in other people's business. When she was talking to Link about Amelia earlier about having a tumor and not wanting kids. She definitely did not have the whole story about that and needed to zip it then in the OR with Owen she brought up how he would feel if Amelia's baby was HIS OMG, she almost ruined everything. For a second I wanted to slap her but then when she started to cry at the phone call with Alex and I couldn't stay mad, she's definitely suffering right now. Why are they doing it this way? I can't understand. They made a reference with the bear case and rekindled old flames that made me wonder if Alex found Izzie Idk, I'll have to wait and see.

On another note though, did they really try to validate affairs on that episode last night? Wow.

_________________________________________

Owen

Giving advice on how to care for a pregnant woman to Link on the elevator..... what a cringe 😖😖. Link knew and he didn't. And then besides going to the ultrasounds was Owen really there for Teddy? the 1st third Teddy was afraid to tell him she was pregnant, the 2nd third he spent being upset with Teddy and sorting out his relationship with Amelia and the adopted kids and the 3rd third he was pissed at Teddy's relationship with Koracick so when we think about it is he really qualified to give advice??? That was all he did in the episode, give advice, even to Jo. Since when is he a reliable source at giving advice.

_________________________________________

Bailey

Nothing much to do, except give a PSA on menopause, kicking Deluca off the case, temporarily ending powered up Deluca and sharing some joy with Joey while also attempting to share some with Richard. She is definitely going to help Joey, I'm not sure about the others since they seem to be happy and settling into their new homes well. Plus 4 adoptees as well as Tuck, that might be a little too much to handle. I was happy to see her and Richard's friendship as I usually am. That is the most personal I've seen their friendship usually it's mostly work husband to work wife. She's concerned and for good reason because I've never seen him so down before, it's almost at alcoholism relapse level and she's probably the only one left to help him.

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Richard

Is in a deep slump. His wife left him, hes separated and work no longer seems to be doing the trick for distracting him. Hes not teaching the interns and refusing to accept the help from friends. I hope this isn't a relapse coming or a cheating scandal either. Richard you've come too far now to go backwards. Get it together and surprise Catherine by being great.

_________________________________________

Amelia/Link

They broke up........ saw it coming but yet didn't see it coming and the excuse she used. Idk it was a little weak at the end of the day anyone would be sceptical to enter a relationship with potentially another man's baby. It may however be for the best right now, she had a rough pregnancy before where her baby died and the paternity stress definitely isn't good for her and baby. She needs to focus on her and her kid for now to ensure a healthy birth. Then for sure she needs to get the test done and face the problem. Props for her though for finally realizing that Maggie is possibly one of the most supportive people ever and deserves to be supported as well.

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Maggie

May have finally found her person in Amelia Shepherd who after being shown how it's done to be a supportive person has seemed to try it for herself. Their moments tonight were sweet to me Amelia is more like her half sister than Mer is. They really are sweet and are developing a close bond. When Amelia called her everything at the end to Link❤❤❤. I think this is the beginning to a beautiful sister hood.

_________________________________________

Jackson

Mark Sloan's work reincarnated, then in the episode at the end, popped up out of no where outside Meredith's house to apologize for being an ass to Maggie at the end of their relationship. Basically just a filler role tonight.

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Nico and Levi

They were the most confusing of the night and that's saying something. At the beginning of their relationship Nico tells Levi he doesn't want a baby gay who's parents don't know that he's gay and after Levi outed himself to his parents and family and everyone else causing conflict among his family Nico then confesses that his own parents are unaware that he's gay.

Say what????????????

The funniest part to me about it is that when Levi was about to tell him how wrong it was for Nico to come at him for not telling his parents when he himself didn't even tell his own family, Nico was like I know what I said,....... excuse me what? The writers didn't even try with this one, they made him say one thing and was like well we need to throw some good old fashion conflict in these guy's relationships so let's just ignore what he said earlier and go from there. It sucks because they really were a great couple with potential.

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End notes/Questions

• I'm incredibly thankful that Suzanne lived so that her kids could see her again. She really is an awesome mom, and her family dynamic, with her sister reminds me of the one I have with my sister, so that case really did hit a spot.

• The foster kids reunion was so cute and how sweet is Joey, hes like the kindest teenager ever. And so are his siblings, they're all adorable.

• I need them to do something with the place they're taking Deluca down and solve it fast because I don't like the place he's heading.

• Same goes for Alex, hes ghosting Jo and now Meredith. I know they have to try to take the band aid off slowly so it won't affect Jo's character but I wished they'd do it without erasing Alex's growth.

• Will Link and Amelia get back together and who's the father Owen or Link?

• Is Richard going to have a relapse or is something going to change.

• Will Ben and Bailey adopt Joey and his siblings, just Joey or none. For some reason I can feel a Ben and Bailey conflict coming on, they haven't discussed the miscarriage and that's bad.

• What's going to happen with Livi and Nico? I'm at a lost on where it's going at this point.

• Pac north is gone, are we going to see some more new doctors at the hospital?

• And last and most importantly, can we have at least one healthy happy couple on Grey's If not I'll settle for a happy healthy person.

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baldwin-montclair · 5 years ago

Text

End of an Era (Part 3)

Far from a happily-ever-after, the emergence of a new threat brings the next generation of the De Clermont family into a fight for the survival of all creatures, humans, their family and the future of the world.

SPOILERS: All Souls Trilogy & Time’s Convert

PART 1

PART 2

___

Rebecca watched Miyako’s shallow breath rise and fall, timing it on the large face of the WWII Era Pilot’s watch on her wrist. Her younger siblings had gone to bed hours ago with Marthe watching them.

Rebecca opted to stay with her cousin and grandmother whilst the others attended the third evening of meetings since Miyako’s return.

“I remember when Philippe presented Baldwin with that timepiece,” Ysabeau mused from the other side of the bed, “he left for the border the day after and didn’t return, not really.”

“How did you live with it, the anger?”

“I killed a lot of witches,” she confessed, “most had nothing to do with what happened to your grandfather. I regret that now.”

“I hate that vampire so much, I don’t know how to stop.”

“She’s dead now” Ysabeau replied with a sigh, “and I couldn’t be happier, the last thing I want is to lose you too.”

It was true, their nemesis was dead. But that did not fill her with the satisfaction she’d hoped it would.

Miyako’s eyes opened abruptly and she tried to sit.

“Rest, don’t try to move too quickly!” Rebecca placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Gallowglass, where is he?”

“Everyone’s at a meeting, they’ll be back soon.” Rebecca assured.

“We have to tell them.” Miyako sat up and moved to stand but Ysabeau blocked her path.

“Tell them what?” The vampire asked.

Miyako weighed up her options and, even at full health, taking on Ysabeau was not a wise decision.

She sat back on the bed instead, organising her thoughts.

“We were wrong about her, the masked vampire.”

“You saw her read the charges on the broadcast before they-“ Ysabeau reminded.

“Before they cut off my father’s head and burned his body? Yes, I saw that.” Miyako snapped.

“Why do you believe you were wrong, Miyako?” Rebecca asked.

“Because she didn’t read it, the witch did.” Miyako explained.

“She can’t speak, Jack said as much.”

“Because of what Benjamin Fox did to her,” Ysabeau agreed.

“But he would never have deprived his victim the ability to scream. To cry and to beg. He loved that sound too much.”

“So she could speak?”

“Her mind did what he would not, switched off speech and emotion, pain, fear, grief. At least until now”

“What changed?” Ysabeau asked.

“I don’t know but I’m not telling this story twice,” Miyako rolled her eyes and turned to Rebecca, “call your father, tell him that Catarina Cicogna was the masked vampire, and that she never betrayed the de Clermonts.“

“Matthew knows her?” Ysabeau asked doubtfully.

“He did and saving him from Benjamin’s plans put her on that monster’s radar.”

“How do you know all this Miyako?” Matthew challenged from his chair at the head of the table.

He had left the meeting, still in progress, to return with Diana.

“Because she gave me her blood, she let me feed from her memories.”

“Let’s take a step back, who are we talking about?” Diana asked.

“Her name was Catarina Galena Marcato, she was a daemon, and a spy for the de Clermonts.” Matthew told her.

“You recruited her.” Miyako pointed out.

“Baldwin ordered me to kill the girl’s father, which I did. After her mother died she became my responsibility so I sent her to Cicogna, the Doge of the time, for an education. She became an accomplished spy for the Doge so I recruited her for our family also. I did check on her, often, when my travels led me through Venice.”

“So what happened to her?” Rebecca asked.

“Evidence suggested she was killed by the Doge’s mistress, yet another spy, for the Bourbon’s this time. But that was clearly not the case.”

“Where did this evidence come from?” Diana prompted.

“Philippe. Several months with no news from Venice, he sent Gallowglass to investigate. It’s not his fault. I’m sure he found the trail Benjamin left for him to follow.”

 ”Benjamin turned her.” Diana’s nodded in grim understanding, she’d learned enough about Benjamin Fox to know what that meant.

“Not right away.” Miyako admitted.

The arm rest beneath Matthew’s grip splintered and Diana placed a hand on his arm to comfort and calm him.

“Catarina knew a lot of our secrets, how did she prevent him from finding them?” He asked no-one in particular, it was a mental exercise to stay calm.

“Her mother was a witch, she knew how to mix an elixir that would prevent a vampire learning secrets through blood lore, and disguise her scent from vampires.”

Matthew sighed as though remembering.

“Potions, tonics and elixirs. She could hide her nature from anyone, including myself. Catarina would seem like a human to any creature.”

“Is that even possible?” Rebecca frowned.

“If there was a witch so skilled, I never heard of it.” Ysabeau answered warily.

“It’s nothing I’ve heard of.” Diana admitted.

“She must have been talented, since you believed Catarina was just a daemon.” Miyako revealed.

“She...was just a daemon.” Matthew‘s brows knitted with confusion.

“What was her father?” Miyako challenged.

“Excuse me?”

“Why did my father order you to kill him?”

“He was drawing human attention to himself.”

“By?”

“He could heal the sick.”

“Uncle Baldwin ordered you to kill him because he was a doctor?” Rebecca frowned.

“He was no doctor, he used no implements, or tinctures. We never determined his method but he could bring back plague victims from the brink of death.”

“Calad Marcato was...something else, the last of his kind, or he was, until Catarina.” Miyako explained.

“She was a daemon!”

“No, she wasn’t. She could sing so beautifully it made men weep, she could play any instrument put into her hands although she preferred the violin you gave her as a gift. I think she saw you as a father figure, ironic considering.”

“Why would Benjamin want her?” Matthew asked.

“To hurt you?” Diana suggested.

“No, he would have wanted me to know he had her.”

“We received a credible threat from Venice,” Ysabeau spoke up, “Philippe was aware of Benjamin’s movements, not all of the time but when he emerged he left breadcrumbs. Benjamin had intended to spring a trap on you but it was foiled.”

“Because of Catarina?” Rebecca asked.

“Yes, I believe she sent it.” Ysabeau sighed.

“What,” Matthew stood, “she risked her life to save me and I was never told? I could have saved her!”

“You can’t save everyone Matthew.”

“Benjamin was my fault and Catarina was my responsibility.”

“Matthew, you weren’t...you at the time.” Ysabeau tried to explain.

“It happened when we time-walked,” he realised, “the ‘me’ from that time vanished.”

“I don’t even know how she discovered the plot.” Ysabeau admitted.

“I do,” Matthew shook his head with the ghost of a smile, “she could speak five languages and was a complete smartass in every one. But it meant that she understood the rumours she overheard. Cicogna was smart, he made her the Dancing Master of his court, everyone treated her like a novelty, the girl in the venetian mask-“

“The what?” Diana asked.

“It wasn’t the same one and until now it didn’t even occur to me to connect them, I thought she was dead. On balance, it would have much been better for her if the Doge’s mistress had simply cut her throat and dumped her in the grand canal!”

“Matthew,” Diana asked carefully, “where would you have been, had we not time-walked?”

“I don’t remember!” Matthew answered.

“You think you could have saved her!” She asked gently.

“Perhaps.”

“Then why don’t we?” Rebecca asked.

“Becca, we can’t go messing with time on a whim!” Matthew rebuked his daughter.

“But you did, and you didn’t know, it’s not your fault but she was in Venice when she was taken, we’re here right now, Pip and I could go back, grab her and make sure Benjamin doesn’t get her.”

“No!” Diana barked abruptly, surprising Matthew.

“Mum, they’re not going to just stop, they have a martyr now, they will come for us and we’ll fight, but what if we can stop it now?”

“Becca, I know how much you miss your Uncle, but he would not want this!”

“He loved this city,” Miyako countered, “he would not want its people to be harmed if it was avoidable.”

Matthew sighed.

“She was there, at his execution, she saw everything. More than we did!”

“Yes, she saw him die.” Miyako nodded solemnly.

“Then you did too.” Diana spoke softly.

“No, there were things I know she did not show me. She didn’t hate or blame us, she wanted to help. Believe me when I say that this is not an emotional appeal to save my father but a plan to save us, this city and all creatures. That’s what he would have wanted!”

Diana looked at her husband, expecting incredulous dismissal but saw only his pensive, analytical mind work through the possibilities.

“Matthew?”

“We can’t save her but we can stop him getting to her.” Matthew suggested.

“You mean kill her?” Rebecca stared in disbelief.

“Becca, we don’t even know if it’s possible to move someone into a future they don’t exist in.” Matthew argued.

“If we go back it has to before All Souls Night.” Diana pondered.

“It can’t be too soon before Benjamin took her,” Rebecca argued, “she still has to discover the plot and send the letter. It has to be Pip and I!”

“Not happening!” Matthew stated decisively.

“Dad, we don’t have a choice, if you go back too early you risk messing things up more and if you go too late you’ll wipe out everything you did the last time you went, including me and Philip!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, we would always have had you!” He countered.

“Not if Benjamin got to you or Mum back then.”

Rebecca noted the glance her parents shared.

“Your mother and I will discuss it, as a last minute solution.” Matthew answered.

“But-“

“You have our answer Becca!” Diana responded, making it clear that they were united.

“Yes Mum.”

“Miyako,” Matthew started, “what exactly happened with Catarina when you saw her?”

“I scaled the building, made my way inside and she was alone but waiting.”

“She had no guards?” Diana asked.

Miyako looked away, embarrassed.

“I suppose I should have realised they were hoping for an attempt on her life, she had outlived her usefulness, alive anyway.”

“The girl knew she was going to die.” Ysabeau observed.

“She did,” Miyako agreed, “it’s clear from what I saw that she planned to give whoever came for her this information, she knew about time-walking, she was trying to stop all this.”

“Why now, she was with them for three years, what changed?”

“I don’t know,” Miyako admitted, “it was clear there was something she was keeping from me.”

“Baldwin,” Diana suggested, “you said she kept his death from you, maybe there’s more we don’t know?”

“I don’t see why, she didn’t know him.” Matthew argued

“He was in Venice a lot, their paths never crossed?” Miyako asked him.

“If the Doge’s dancing master was having an affair with a de Clermont, believe me, there would have at least been rumours. Besides, he would have never gone against the covenant, not whilst Philippe was alive.”

Miyako nodded in agreement.

“He was afraid of no-one, except Grandfather. I never really understood that.”

“It’s not your fault,” Matthew gave her a sad smile, “daughters and grand-daughters got away with much more than sons-“

“Or grandsons,” Gallowglass interrupted as he entered and took a seat, “we’re reminiscing.”

He surveyed Miyako with concern.

“You look better.”

“And you look exhausted cousin.” She returned, making the vampire chuckle.

“Thank you.”

“Gallowglass, what is it?” Diana asked, sensing the heaviness of his aura.

“Miyako, Rebecca, upstairs please.” Matthew stated whilst leaving no room for debate.

Both left with minimal fuss and Diana placed a silence spell over the table in the event of eavesdropping.

“The witch, Jessica Brown, she has issued a warrant for Miyako which I obviously have no intention of complying with.” Gallowglass continued when his cousins had left the room.

“That won’t be the end of it.” Matthew observed.

“No.”

“What are you not telling us Erik?” Ysabeau prompted.

“They have given us a week to hand her over.”

“And when we do not?”

“They will take the city,” he shook his head, “I’m afraid we must again find a new home.”

“We have nowhere else to go that’s safe,” Ysabeau argued, “we might already be at that last minute solution.”

“What have I missed?” Gallowglass looked between them.

Matthew glanced at Diana and received her reluctant nod before proceeding.

“The masked vampire, thanks to Miyako, we know who she was.”

“Who?”

“Catarina Marcato, you investigated her supposed murder but really it was all Benjamin’s doing, he took her, did god knows what to her, but she was still loyal to the end, she was being controlled by the witch. Something broke that control, we don’t know what.” Matthew summarised.

“I do,” Gallowglass groaned, “Grandfather did not send me to Venice to investigate her murder. He sent me to bring her back to Sept-Tours.”

“Why?”

“Because she and Baldwin did know one another, would that be right?” Ysabeau asked her grandson.

“Yes, they did,” he confessed, “Grandfather was convinced that she-“

“She was Baldwin’s mate.” Diana finished for him.

Matthew stood stunned for a moment before turning and walking away from the table.

“Matthew?’ Diana called after him.

“I need a drink!” He called back.

#adow #a discovery of witches #adow fic #end of an era fic #adow writing #baldwin montclair #baldwin de clermont

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this-is-freeridge · 5 years ago

Text

The Air Between Us

Chapter Fourteen: Mari prepares herself to take the next step with Trey.

Warning: this fic deals with dark themes, including but not limited to teen pregnancy, rape, drug abuse, murder, abortion, underage drinking and underage sex. Read at your own risk.

Find all other chapters here.

Find the better version here!

“That’s not a very scary costume,” Trey said as he picked Mari up from her house, a smile playing on his lips. “You look beautiful, though,”

Mari looked down at her makeshift costume. With Halloween as an excuse, she wore the dress that Abuelita had made her for her birthday - it was gorgeous, and it made her feel gorgeous too. It wasn’t every day she had that feeling.

She had paired the dress with a tall silver tiara, a bouquet of plastic roses and a sash (which was actually one of those bride-to-be ones that she had turned inside-out) that she had written MISS UNIVERSE on in black sharpie.

“Why thank you,” she said with a curtsy and then looked him up and down. He wore a black and white striped suit with a black button-up, his hair looked like he had stuck his hand in an electrical socket and he had black circles painted messily around his eyes. “You look...sleep-deprived,”

“Oh come on, Beetlejuice is a classic!” He said with so much enthusiasm that Mari almost got excited with him. Almost, but feelings like happiness and excitement and enthusiasm were hard to come by lately.

Her trip to the hospital hadn’t helped much. Latisha was great; she was kind and gentle and did everything she could to make Mari feel comfortable, but she still couldn’t bring herself to smile.

Trey and Ruben had been there the whole time, so she should have felt supported, yet she had still felt alone.

Jamal had been ecstatic when Mari had bought him home a real hospital gown for his costume, but as much as she forced a smile for him, she still couldn’t feel the excitement.

Her blood test results would be back in a few days, and they said they weren’t expecting to find anything unusual, but she was still terrified.

But she wouldn’t tell anyone that, they would only worry and it wasn’t worth it. She would be fine, she reminded herself, she was just being melodramatic.

“Wouldn’t know, haven’t seen it,” Mari shrugged as they walked to Trey’s front door.

“What?” he gasped, feigning shock as he fumbled for his keys

As she waited, Mari took in Trey’s house. It was the first time she’d seen it, but the rundown shack before her was the last place she had expected Trey to live. Smaller than the Martinez house and in worse condition than Oscar’s.

Unlocking the door and throwing it open, Trey gestured inside with a sort of after you motion. When Mari stepped past the threshold, the first thing she noticed was a lack of furniture.

Against the far wall of the living room (that doubled as the entrance to the house, and connected straight to a small kitchen with no dining area) there was a small sofa with fabric tearing at the seams and foam popping out at the corners. There was an old, chunky flatscreen sitting atop a cubed-bookshelf that’d been turned on its side to double as a TV stand. Between the TV and the sofa sat a worn coffee table; the varnish on the wood had started peeling and one of the legs was being held together by duct tape.

This house was not the kind of place that a man in finance and a woman in events lived.

But Mari knew better than to say anything just yet. Instead, she smiled politely and let him usher her inside. As she stepped over the threshold, she remembered the first time she had walked into Spooky’s bedroom. It had been intimate, like he was showing her something that only she could see, it was exciting and scary all at the same time.

Walking into Trey’s house was nothing like that. It was scary, but only because it was unfamiliar. The walls were cold and the room was dark and mostly empty and nothing was familiar. Nothing felt safe. The moment she stepped inside she was on edge; her skin crawled and her mind screamed.

Telling herself that it was just her anxiety, reminding herself not to be so dramatic, she set herself down on the sofa. She fidgeted with the cushions on the couch, fidgeted with her dress and her sash. She crossed and uncrossed her legs, trying everything she could to be comfortable, but no matter what she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.

“We only have generic brand soda and popcorn,” Trey said as he rushed to the kitchen, putting the popcorn in the microwave and getting two cans labelled Cola from the fridge. “They’re still pretty good, though,”

Mari took the soda with a thank you and set it down on the coffee table, frowning. Even the Martinezes could afford better stuff, and they weren’t exactly rolling in spare change.

“Trey,” Mari called, straightening up as Trey placed Friday the 13th in the DVD player - just another thing that made Mari question how much money his family could really have. “What is your family really doing in Brentwood?”

“Uh...” he scratched at the back of his neck and averted his gaze. The microwave beeped and he breathed a sigh of relief and bolted to the kitchen with a “popcorn’s ready.”

But Mari was persistent and stubborn and he wasn’t going to get out of it that easily. So she waited patiently on the sofa, arms crossed casually as the movie played in the background.

“What’s going on?” She asked the moment he stepped back into sight. Trey almost dropped the bowl of popcorn as he jumped at her voice, but tried to quickly compose himself.

“What do you mean?” He asked, placing the bowl down on the table and then settling down on the couch beside her. It was a little cramped, Mari had to shuffle her legs onto his lap just for the both of them to fit. One hand rested on her thigh, the other was thrown around her shoulder. Mari tried to lean into him, to feel those same sparks she felt when Oscar touched her this way, so pure but so intimate, but there was nothing.

“I mean I feel like I don’t know anything about you. You’ve seen me pass out and go to the hospital, you’ve met my family, and all I know about you is that your dad is in finance, you mom is in events and you moved here from Brentwood. But, Trey, is that even the truth? Because you haven’t said why you moved, to Freeridge, of all places, if your family has so much money?”

He averted her gaze, just for a second, and squeezed her thigh a little as though he needed a moment to build up the courage to speak again.

“It wasn’t really a...lie, you know?” He started, looking up at her like a kicked puppy, “I mean my dad does work in finance, but he left me and my mom a couple of months ago. He got some big promotion that meant he had to move to Seattle. At first, he was gonna just take the commute, y’know? He got an apartment there so he could stay during the week and come home on weekends, but he uh, he liked the bachelor life. So he just stopped coming home, sent a lawyer to the house to serve mom the divorce papers and tell us that we had forty-eight hours to clear out of the house before it was put on the market,”

“So he just left you both with nothing? What about your mom, didn’t she have a job?”

There was a bitter edge to the way Trey laughed in response. “She was a suburban housewife with a rich husband, she never had to work. We were always taken care of, and then we weren’t. One of her old college friends hooked her up with this catering job, that’s where she is now, and this house was the only place we could afford. I got a job to help out, try and save up until we can move somewhere better,”

Mari’s heart hammered in her chest. This boy before her was nothing like the bumbling-but-loveable idiot she knew. Where he was usually bubbly and excitable, he was now solemn and serious. She realised now that had been through things too, and he was working harder than she had known to make things work. Maybe they had more in common than she had thought.

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?” She whispered, searching his face for an answer.

He flashed her a weak smile as he met her gaze. “I’ve seen you with that other guy, I know I’m not very tough, or cool. I’m not a bad boy, I can’t compete with a guy in a gang, but I had to impress you somehow,”

A slow smile spread across Mari’s face at his confession. She hadn’t realised he’d tried so hard for her to notice him. Sitting up on her knees and shuffling closer to him, she decided that it was kind of endearing.

“And you thought that pretending you had money was the way to do that?”

Trey visibly gulped as she moved closer, so close he could smell her cherry lipgloss. “Um, yeah, I- I thought you’d like me more if you thought I could buy you nice things,”

Mari shook her head, dark curls falling over her shoulders.

“I like this better,” she said with a smile, “I like knowing you’re real, like the rest of us,”

Trey smiled back, his hand coming up to cup her face before sliding around to the nape of her neck. Her heart hammered, faster and faster until it hurt. This was the moment, she thought. They were alone and he was opening up and if this were a movie, this would be the moment.

It was bound to happen sooner or later, she knew that much. He had been sweet and patient and he deserved it. And she liked him enough. Truly, she did. The only thing she didn’t know was why it felt like this; why her chest was tight and her hands were shaking and why she wanted to run away screaming.

It shouldn’t feel like this. It never did with Oscar.

He isn’t Oscar, she told hers. This was Trey and he was her boyfriend and this was inevitable.

It was inevitable.

So she leaned into him and kissed him, trying not to pull away when he kissed her back. It was messy and unpracticed, whether that was because Trey had never kissed someone like this before - so intense and passionate - or because Mari had never kissed him like this, she didn’t know. His tongue slid over her lower lip but he didn’t taste like Corona and cigars.

His free hand gripped at her hips and pulled her closer and closer until she was almost on his lap. He kissed her like he was trying to devour her, gripping her so tightly as though she’d disappear otherwise.

The touch of his skin didn’t make hers burn, but instead made it crawl. Deep in the pit of her stomach, where there should be excitement and desire, there was only fear and a strange, twisted feeling. She felt sick.

That feeling of discomfort that sat in her chest, that’d been there since they arrived, grew until it was about to burst. Tears sprung to her eyes, so she squeezed them shut to keep them from falling and jumped away from the boy beneath her.

“I can’t do this,” she muttered between gasps of breath, “I’m sorry, I’ll call you tomorrow. I have to go,”

Trey didn’t have a chance to chase after her as she grabbed her shoes and her plastic roses and raced out the door. She was halfway down the street by the time he had picked his jaw up off the floor and peeled himself off the couch.

The warm October air whipped against her face, her hair sticking to her tears as she walked. Harsh sobs racked her small body and she shook with every step. Her mind was racing; she had no idea why she had felt like that with him. She had been with Oscar before, why was it so hard with Trey? Wasn’t she over her irrational fear of intimacy?

She dreaded the thought of calling him the next day, but she knew she would have to. This date had been planned, she had known his parents would be gone, she knew the expectation. She knew what she was getting herself into, so why did she feel so panicked during the moment?

“Mariana?” An angry but familiar voice called. With a groan, she wiped desperately at her face but kept walking. Embarrassed and anxious, the last thing she wanted to do was tell Spooky what’d happened. She sped up when she heard Oscar tell the others to go in without him and then the sound of footsteps crossing the road to her.

“Hey, mami!” He called, closer this time. When she didn’t reply a rough hand grabbed at her arm, stopping her in her tracks.

“What?!” She snapped, though her voice broke.

The frustration on his face faded away into pure concern and the grip on her arm loosened just a little. She cursed and turned away, wiping frantically at her face as though that’d stop her tears and as though that would make Spooky forget he had seen it.

Why did he always have to see her like this?

Her body shook as a harsh sob ripped through her. The hand on her arm disappeared, just for a second, and then Oscar was wrapping his arms around her.

Head tucked safely under his chin, she let him hold her as she cried out all of her fear and frustration. His arms were thick and warm and he was holding her so firmly that she couldn’t escape even if she wanted to (and she didn’t want to).

“I’m sorry,” Mari whispered, referring to both the state she was in and the way her tears were staining his white tank. “I’m a mess, I-”

“Don’t do that, Mari,” he cut her off, his arms falling from her sides to take her bouquet of roses. “Don’t blame yourself. Come on, it’s not safe for you to be outside on Halloween. Let’s go inside,”

He took her hand and led her across the road and into the house. Letting him manhandle her, Mari didn’t say a thing as he sat her down on the couch, removed her sash and tiara then placed them with the flowers.

He disappeared into the kitchen for just a second and returned with a glass of water.

“Thank you,” she said with a grateful smile. Worried she might vomit from her whirlwind of emotions, she took only a small sip before putting it aside.

Spooky took the space on the couch beside her. Before Mari could protest, he grabbed her thighs and pulled her onto his lap, taking her back into his arms. Biting her inner cheek to hold back tears, she leaned into his chest and sighed, relishing in the feeling of his hand running through her dark curls.

“You gonna tell me what happened?” He asked, quietly but with a thinly veiled edge to his voice, an edge that told Mari he was pissed. “Because I swear to god, if that kid tried something that you didn’t want, I’m gonna beat his goddamn face in,”

“It’s not...” Mari shook her head, “it wasn’t like that. We were kissing and I just freaked out. It was me. There’s something wrong with me, Oscar. Trey, he…he was touching me and I wanted to be okay with it but I wasn’t; I felt disgusting and I felt scared and I just kept wishing it was you,”

The fingers threading through her hair paused for a second. Mari shuffled into a sitting position on his lap, her knees on either side of his hips and her dress hiked up to her thighs.

“Whenever someone touches me,” she continues, searching his eyes as though they held all the secrets to her mind, “I want to scream and cry and hide. But not you. I don’t feel like that with you. It’s...kinda the opposite. I always want you to touch me because you make me forget that it could ever be scary. How do you do that?”

He didn’t respond immediately, he couldn’t - somehow, this girl had rendered him speechless. There was so much he wanted to say; that he was sorry she felt like that with Trey but that he wasn’t sorry for how she felt with him, that he felt the same about her, that he was sorry he had tried to avoid it for so long.

But for a spelling-bee champ, Oscar was never very good with his words - not when he had to use them to tell another person how he felt. To admit his feelings would mean he had to let down the walls he had spent so long building, remove the mask he had perfected and though he was sure (as sure as he could be, at least) he was ready to let Mari in, it was hard to begin.

So he didn’t say anything. instead, Oscar let out a growl beneath his breath and without a second thought, he swooped up to capture her lips in a hungry kiss. One hand in her hair and the other hiking her dress further up her hips, he ran his tongue across her lips, tasting cherry and something unfamiliar.

And then he remembered.

Trey had kissed her. Something hot burned deep in the pit of his stomach. His insides twisted and he felt sick. Rage fuelled him as his grip on her tightened and his kisses bruised her lips. He hated that someone else got to do this; to touch her skin, even just to hold her. Oscar wanted that all to himself, he wanted her all to himself.

The cholo would be the first to admit that he wasn’t a very good person; he was aggressive and rash and selfish, and this was no excuse. He knew she had a boyfriend, and that she would probably regret this in the morning, but how could he stop himself when she was right here in his arms and telling him she wants him?

It would be a lie if he were to say he didn’t like being the one to make her smile, to make her feel beautiful and to turn her nightmares into daydreams. He wanted all of her. He wanted Mariana Martinez, mind, body and soul, and he would do whatever he had to do to make sure she knew that.

They had tried this before, no strings attached, but now as she let out a whine and kissed him like it would be the last time, Oscar thought that maybe he wouldn’t mind the strings. It shouldn’t have taken this - Mari running away from someone else in tears and finding comfort with him - to realise it. He couldn’t help but be angry at himself for putting her through this, all because he was too scared to admit his feelings - not to her, or even to himself, but to the world. He was Spooky, after all. He had a reputation; he was tough and scary and dangerous and he was falling for a girl from San Jose who looked like she could break at the slightest touch.

But she was so much stronger than she realised, and she had never been afraid.

Oscar refused to be afraid any longer.

“Oscar, please,” Mari breathed, leaning into him as his hands found their way behind her and then slipped beneath her panties.

“Tell me what you want, mami,” he whispered against her lips and squeezing lightly where his hands rested on her behind.

Mari remembered a time not too long ago when she was standing before this man, begging him to tell her what he wanted. He had refused her pleas and broken her heart but she was in no position to do the same. Oscar was what she wanted, in any way she could have him.

“I want you, Oscar,” she told him, a quiver in her voice as she remembered Trey, somewhere in the back of her mind. Guilt started to eat at her insides; she had a boyfriend and he was at home thinking that he was what she wanted when he couldn’t even compare.

Refocusing on the man before her, she pushed all other thoughts aside and ran her hands up his stomach to his chest, pulling his black wife-beater with her. He lifted his arms, allowing her to remove the clothing and throw it aside.

Peppering kisses across his bare chest, Mari rolled her hips slowly as Oscar let his head fall back and his eyes close in pleasure. Feeling him grow beneath her, she rocked her hips again, harder this time and letting a small moan escape her lips at the friction.

“Fuck, Mariana,” Oscar murmured, grabbing her hips and lifting her slightly. Mari stilled, kneeling above him as he reached between them to loosen his shorts, then lifted his hips just enough to push them down past his knees.

He licked his lips, pushing her panties aside and watching her lower herself onto him.

“You know I love you in that dress, mami,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss and nip at her neck as she adjusted to the feeling.

Oscar let her take the lead as she lifted and lowered her hips, fucking him slowly. She needed to take control of something; of Oscar and her sexuality. Mari needed this, he knew that and he would be damned if he wasn’t enjoying it.

His lips found her collarbone and her chest where her breasts were exposed above the neckline of the dress. He made sure to leave his mark; sucking and biting and licking to soothe the skin. He wanted everyone to know that she was taken.

Mari reached her climax quickly, finishing with a cry of Oscar’s name and burying her head into his broad shoulder. Her hips bucked and her movements became erratic as she rode him to climax. She watched with a smile as he came - it was a rush knowing that she could pull him apart and break him down like this. The effect she seemed to have on him made her feel powerful and confident and beautiful and she never wanted to lose that feeling. She never wanted to lose him.

Suddenly tired, as though the night’s events had only just caught up to her, she collapsed in his arms. He held her close, without a word, not sure exactly what to say first. Does he apologise for how he’s acted? Does he thank her? Does he kiss her again and tell her that he’s ready to give her what she wants?

Spooky never got the chance to make that decision as his phone started to ring.

“Fuck,” he huffed, furious at the interruption. He wanted to ignore it, but he knew better - he was a leader and he had responsibilities.

Clearing her throat, Mari shuffled off of his lap. She pulled her dress down past her hips as Oscar reached for his phone and put it to his ear.

“What?” He snapped. Though his features softened as the person on the other end spoke, Oscar clearly didn’t like what they had to say as he frowned and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Yeah, okay. I’ll be there soon,”

Mari said nothing as she watched him, her heart sinking deeper and deeper with each passing second.

With a resigned sigh, he picked his clothes up off the floor.

“I gotta go,” he said, pulling his tank over his head and not holding her gaze for too long. “That was Cesar, they’ve got trouble in Brentwood. I’ll pick them up, make sure Ruby’s okay for you,”

Mari offered a small smile and nodded. “Thanks, Oscar,”

How could she be so naive to think things would be different this time? Of course, he had no problem leaving; this was just a quick fuck to him, it always was between them. Spooky didn’t care that she had a boyfriend, he didn’t care that she had just betrayed someone else to be with him, he only cared about getting what he wanted.

He should’ve left her out there on the street.

“Can you stay?” He asked all of a sudden, crossing the room to her and bringing a hand up to cup her face. This wasn’t how he had wanted the night to end, but he didn’t have time to get into everything he wanted to say right now. “Just wait here until I get back?”

Although she nodded, it was a lie - she would be long gone soon after he left.

Taglist: @robinsdolan @lostgirl219@kseniainneverland @ravengreystone@weediskindabad @moistdollerbills @javoqetal@kenzie44469 @goddessate@blackdepressoexpresso @classyputa @babygirl-htx @wonderlandlovelove @cacapoodlepoo @agent-femmefatale @elliesshitofablog@daydreamer0307 @harduy @elizabeth-santana-98 @lonelyyblues

#on my block #on my block fanfiction #Oscar diaz #Oscar diaz imagine #spooky #spooky diaz

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permian-tropos · 7 years ago

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might as well set down my full case for the extreme shippability of gallirae, for that twitter person’s sake (that’s my excuse but hey, I can vent by being positive about things I like)

step one would be to explain why I think they have canonical sexual tension and the point I like start with is the fact that Adea tells Sloane she wanted to “be with them both”. we already know she’s sleeping with Rax and honestly book 1 leaves plenty of room to imagine Adea has a thing for Sloane so why don’t we imagine Adea is bisexual as hell and has had a thing for the both of them, and wanted a sugar mommy and a sugar daddy simultaneously but if they couldn’t get along she’d pick one

Sloane is the one who doesn’t see it like that. but Adea admires Sloane for being ambitious and powerful and in a position to rule the Empire and create a new galactic order. this is the same case she makes for Rax, and she seems frustrated that Sloane can’t see how well they’d go together.

given that Adea and Rax’s only scene together has them talking about whether Sloane will join them and Rax is the one who’s confident about it (and Adea is the hesitant one) I feel free to imagine that an initial condition of their relationship was “we’re going to be a hot problematic threesome with Sloane”. and if Adea can ship them together why can’t I?

but moving on. why do I imagine Rax being into Sloane? well besides the fact that he keeps her around and stokes her ambitions even as he knows she wants him dead, the fact that he flatters her and makes himself her advisor even though he outranked her in book 1, and talks about how much he wants her to be a part of his galaxy-ruling business.

there’s also the fact that he gives her a mixtape of his most emotionally resonant piece of music, the opera that he associates with escaping a life of poverty and misery. it’s not an act of manipulation, because there’s no clear intended effect, it’s just a way for him to share a piece of himself in a rather awkward and indirect way. he makes choices on Jakku over and over that avoid killing Sloane in the moment, and his final moments aren’t anger at her for defeating him but regret over his own failures. he might assume the planet will explode or that she’ll be taken prisoner by the New Republic and he could let that be revenge but he wants Sloane to live and rule his Empire. he considers her a “fellow outcast” likely from their backgrounds being lower class which Sloane responds to and doesn’t dispute.

why would Sloane be into Rax? well there’s the fact that she considers herself “seduced” by him and asks herself if she’s “falling for his strange way” after he gives her a flirty smirk during the Shadow Council meeting even though in that moment she’s furious at him. “she hates him, but she admires him too”. a lot of the metaphorical language her POV scenes use to describe her fear, hatred, or apprehension of Rax also have a suggestive element to them, whether he’s a sea before a storm or a snake in her bed or a predator who wants to pick out and eat the juiciest bits of her flesh and at that point I have to blush just retelling what’s written in the book! the scene where she listens to the music brings back the ocean metaphor but has it be a “gentle wave that calls her out to sea” (bear in mind she’s in bed while she’s listening to it) and “its ethereal beauty haunts her”. since the ocean has been used to describe Rax and the opera itself represents him, it feels like a metaphor for a sexual encounter — or Sloane’s desire for one.

I think it’s extremely easy to read canon where Sloane is attracted to Rax and finds him intimidating and overwhelming for that reason, and she is especially disgusted and angry and put off by him any time he does something that seems to Zone her as a platonic political ally or a pawn in his game. she takes a lot of his betrayals extremely personally, in ways she doesn’t with characters like Vidian or even Adea. she is basically cyberstalking Rax throughout book 2 and real stalking him throughout book 3 and she has perfectly good political reasons for it but the intense emotions attached could be both dread of his creepiness and deep Frustration. she has several moments where she mentions having no children or husband or wife and you could imagine her career with the evil Empire as the war went on has been very unhealthy and draining and isolating. she’s a bit deprived and starting to get depressed about it, though she weathered it for a long time. loneliness takes its toll on everyone eventually.

so you could read Rax and Sloane as both being hampered in their capacity for healthy romance by their ambitions and flaws and emotional hangups and general evilness. Rax is avoidant and vague and nihilistic about his desire for Sloane, and Sloane is aggressive and bitter and fearful about her desire for Rax.

so obviously the idea of them overcoming these roadblocks and succumbing to their desires is Hot As Fuck

and I consider them to be extremely hot when they’re in conjunction with each other because they’re obviously terrible people but they complement each other’s terribleness. they have two different strains of fascist brain worms and their collusion and subsequent falling out is to me a great place to pick apart the toxicity of both their ideologies. their ability to destroy each other’s faith in their own megalomaniac space nazi delusions is HOT because tearing down fascist delusions is good and narratively cathartic.

the fact that they’re locked in mortal combat is kind of necessary to this. they’re not going to reject a whole ideology if there isn’t an extreme pressure to do so. this is why I enjoy their moments together in canon. particularly with Sloane’s hatred — everything Rax does calls her faith in the Empire into question and it might not be his intention and the struggles might not be romanticizable but their canon doesn’t have to end up in a romantic or pleasant situation for it to set up fascinating conflicts.

they’re also aesthetically hot. Rax is described as pale and dark haired and black-eyed and he smirks a lot and says corny pretentious crap and wears sumptuous red robes and listens to opera and has a shipboard garden. he also has a tragic backstory as a cult-raised orphan on a desert world, conscripted and groomed for his position as the Contingency by Darth Emperor Sheev himself! so he’s a sad traumatized fuckboy too, teeming with suppressed self-loathing and coping mechanisms. he deserved to get murdered and I appreciate that he does but I still find him a glorious and perhaps personally relatable disaster. his deep fixation on and love of stories should technically be relatable to everyone on here but for me it seems to resonate especially strongly.

Sloane is the one with an official character design and she is Very Hot with her dark complexion and broad shoulders and handsome features only slightly touched by age. her hair is a bit long for an Imperial (not too many women overall) and she canonically is pleased with it and rightly so, it’s gorgeous, and the white streak is oddly cute. and she’s also got this stern commanding air but you can imagine her being suppressed about various desires just like Rax is and so obviously it’s great to imagine those desires breaking through. she is kind of a jock nerd, a former boxer who also loves research and libraries and math. her determination and badassery is as aesthetically enjoyable as her moments of fatigue and despair and folly. she’s a complicated person, with plenty of moments of badness and a fair amount of potential for goodness. and she has many moments from POV sections where you could extrapolate into a quirk or peculiar trait, instead of considering the quirkiness artistic license (ie. the ghost retinue, her being overly familiar with or possessive of people in her thoughts). she’s snarky and casually self-centered and staunch in her ideologies but also constantly suppressing empathy or unease.

I like the fact that Rax is a rather flamboyant and effeminate man and Sloane is a pragmatic and masculine woman. I know it’s bad to villify gender noncomformity but frankly I just am super weak for that het dynamic, it works well with my own gender feelings, sue me

the ship comes packaged with so many aesthetics and features; a cursed sort of wasteland with Jakku, the Opera, failed attempts at galactic conquest, a viable side OT3 with Adea, Palpatine’s bullshit hanging over both of them, plenty of action and intrigue, options for canon divergences where they rule side by side, or divergences where they are forced to expel their fascist brain worms and start on a road of ideological and emotional recovery.

they are given a ton of parallels in canon, with their backstories trying to stow away on ships to escape their homeworlds as children, their weird fixation on predators and prey, to their desires for revenge or glory, their willingness to dispose of their allies, often using the same language culminating in them finishing each other’s sentences, improvising bluffs and distractions tailored to the other’s personality on the fly.

and their relationship, such as it is, ends with extreme violence and cruelty and suffering. given their high levels of participation in the big bad autocratic space regime it’s no less than either of them deserved. neither of them work through their deep and extreme issues. yet it feels like there’s room for both to change, since Rae questions her faith in the Empire and Gallius questions Palpatine’s narrative of destiny.

so if I imagine them together but unable to throw down with murder duels (because they decide to care about each other) they might be forced to completely change, and that’s a really compelling dynamic arc

and there you have it. that’s not even everything. but it’s a lot of it and it’s way way more than is ever necessary to justify a ship.

#my post #rae sloane #gallius rax #gallirae #aftermath trilogy #long post

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schmidtclothingcom · 5 years ago

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New York Fashion Week kicked off last night. Celebrities, designers and bloggers (and the increasing number of “slashies” that embody all three) have descended on the Big Apple to drink champagne, admire eye-wateringly expensive clothing, and air kiss one another.

Kim Kardashian is set to make her first public post-baby appearance at husband Kayne West’s Yeezy fashion show later today. West will also be debuting his new album The Life of Pablo (formerly known as WAVES), live streaming the concert/show from 8am AEST.

After a short hiatus from the event, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s cult brand, The Row, will make a hotly anticipated return to the American runway on February 15.

Anna Wintour at the 2013 Paris Fashion Week. Charles Platiau/Reuters

And you can bet that Anna Wintour will watch, sphinx-like behind her enormous Chanel glasses, as close friend Marc Jacobs brings the week to a triumphant close with his climactic show.

For a certain kind of person, New York Fashion week is a “must”. For those of a certain age, income and social status, the event is not just a fixture on the social calendar but a high point.

Even for those who aren’t in possession of that enviable trifecta (including me), the slavish devotion the event inspires is familiar through many fictionalised and semi-fictionalised explorations of New York City (think Sex in the City, Gossip Girl, Project Runway, and The Real Housewives of New York City).

But how did it all get started? Why did it begin? Was there even a New York Fashion Week before Anna Wintour?

Fashion Press Week

New York Fashion Week has not always been exalted or esteemed. The event is actually a relatively recent phenomenon: it can be traced back to 1943, when it began as Fashion Press Week. Up until that point, American women overwhelmingly purchased American-made copies of French designs, and thus the American fashion industry was overshadowed by its Parisian counterpart.

Eleanor Lambert, 1963. Council of fashion designers of America

During the second world war, however, access to the Gallic centre was cut off by the German occupation. This presented the American fashion industry with a unique opportunity, and Eleanor Lambert, the canny director of the New York Dress Institute, took advantage of this by clustering the American fashion shows into a single “event” to promote home-grown design.

To be clear, these weren’t the first ever fashion shows. From the turn of the century, many individual fashion labels and stores hosted their own shows in department stores and hotels throughout Paris and New York in a bid to drum up business. But Fashion Press Week was the first coordinated fashion event to showcase numerous designers of the same nationality.

New York Press Week, 1943.

Even more importantly, the event also proved the effectiveness of this new approach. Although the initial response wasn’t encouraging – only 53 of the 150 journalists Lambert invited to the first Fashion Press Week attended – the impact of the event was strong and swift.

In its wake, the American press heaped praise upon local designers such as Claire McCardell, and New York Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia boasted that:

the only reason Paris set styles all these years was because buyers like to go there on holiday.

Paris, London and Florence

Unfortunately, LaGuardia’s smug sentiments were premature. Having watched New York’s Fashion Press Week from afar, other sartorial centres began to replicate the event.

Christian Dior’s 1947 New Look photographed by Willy Maywald. The Coincidental Dandy/Flickr, CC BY-NC

In a bid to reclaim its former dominance, as soon as the war ended the Chambre Syndicale de la Haute Couture organised the first seasonal showings of Parisian couture to the international press. Along with the emergence of Christian Dior and his sensational “New Look”, this bi-annual event - which commenced in 1945 - was pivotal in re-establishing the Gallic capital as the sartorial leader of the Western world.

In the immediate post-war period, showings in London also created ripples (although not the tidal waves that Paris did). In January 1942 the London couture industry established its own official organisation, The Incorporated Society of London Fashion Designers, which began to host fashion shows after the war.

Bettina Ballard attended these events in her role as fashion editor of American Vogue, and recalled in her memoir In My Fashion (1960) that:

the Incorporated Society of London Fashion Designers gave handsome and very social parties.

Unfortunately, at this stage the British weren’t so good at sealing the deal, and Ballard noted “the whole couture performance was carried on […] in a rather grand detached manner” as they “never pressed for publicity or even tried to make the buyers buy”.

From the early 1950s, this trio was joined by a fourth fashion market – Italy – which established the “Big Four” that fashionistas still follow today. Seeking to attract bountiful American money to an impoverished and deprived Italy, Giovanni Battista Giorgini orchestrated Italy’s first fashion shows with considerable aplomb.

The first, held in his sumptuous Florentine villa in February 1951, was not a success (180 pieces by numerous Italian designers were viewed by just eight American buyers and a lone fashion journalist – an even worse turnout than Lambert’s first endeavour in New York).

But its successor in July 1951 was a triumph, with 200 American buyers and journalists in attendance, and the event was thereafter established as essential for the fashion-minded.

Giorgini’s first fashion shows were held in the beautiful Villa Torrigiani. Sailko, via Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA

By the early 1950s, the advent of these rival fashion shows had diluted the sartorial impact of New York’s pioneering event. The annual trips to Paris that LaGuardia had gloated were no longer necessary during the war were back with a vengeance by the late 1940s.

Even worse, they were now the gateway to yet more European options. As Bettina Ballard explained of her own annual migrations:

although Paris was the main objective of each trip, it was also the door to all Europe. I very soon found, along with the postwar travel-starved buyers and the fashion press, how pleasant it was to travel on an expense account with the legitimate excuse of looking over new fashion markets.

American Design for American Women

In the 1970s, the tide began to turn for American fashion. Critical in fostering a renewed respect for American design was the landmark fashion show held in 1973, the so-called Battle of Versailles. Ostensibly a fundraiser for the then-leaky French palace, the event – once again cooked up by the enterprising Eleanor Lambert – pitted five American designers (Oscar de la Renta, Stephen Burrows, Halston, Bill Blass and Anne Klein) against five French designers (Yves Saint Laurent, Pierre Cardin, Emanuel Ungaro, Christian Dior and Hubert de Givenchy).

The Versailles ‘73 show went down in fashion history.

In front of a crowd full of celebrities, socialites and aristocrats, the Americans stole the show, proving that they could not only compete – but actually win – against their old French rival (and on French soil, to boot).

More broadly, the advent of second-wave feminism during the 1970s also repositioned American ready-to-wear as the ideal solution for the new “working woman”. This development boosted its popularity with both American women and the American press, and generated effusive praise of anything all-American.

A round-up of the New York collections in a 1976 issue of American Vogue, for example, now boasted:

American Fashion at the Top of Its Form: Racy, Freewheeling … Casual!

This newfound legitimacy was solidified when the more informal and improvised fashion shows of the postwar period became slick, professional events. The term “Fashion Week” actually wasn’t adopted until remarkably recently: the French Fashion Federation held the first “Paris Fashion Week” in 1973; the British Fashion Council organised its inaugural “London Fashion Week” in 1984; and the Council of Fashion Designers of America waited until the early 1990s to debut “New York Fashion Week.”

A model takes the stage during the 2015 New York Fashion Week. Carlo Allegri/Reuters

It also was during this period that the American shows – which had previously been scattered across town – were centralised in one location (first in “the tents” in Bryant Park, then in Lincoln Centre, and from 2015 shows have been split between the Skylights at Moynihan Station and Clarkson Square. Increasingly, the event is becoming decentralised again, with shows held at a variety of off-site venues throughout the city).

But although last to adopt the term “Fashion Week”, New York remains the first stop during fashion season (every February and September, back-to-back fashion shows are held sequentially in New York, London, Milan and Paris).

Yet New York’s leading role is fitting. Certainly, New York has become one of the great fashion centres of the modern world, a place where trends are forged and significant money is made. But New York is also where the concept of “Fashion Week” was first conceived and executed, a history neatly mirrored in its prestigious opening slot.

by Beth Daley

licensed from theconversation.com

Written by Becky Heldmen for Schmidt Clothing.

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daydreamnct · 8 years ago

Text

What it Feels Like

Requested: Yes

Word Count: 1,687

Characters: You(f) + NCT’s Ten (ft. EXO Baekhyun)

Genre: Angst

PART 2 / PART 3

When my agency approached me and asked if I would be comfortable with getting fake married to another celebrity, strangely enough my first thought was not about asking my boyfriend of 3 years.

In fact, Ten didn’t even cross my mind as I excitedly accepted the opportunity to be on one of my favourite reality TV shows ‘We Got Married’. Instead, I thought about how much I used to enjoy watching my favourite stars slowly become closer and more attracted to their husband or wife, how it revealed different sides of them that you wouldn’t expect and how the idea that they had real feelings for each other felt so important to me as a twelve-year-old.

It was only after I left the meeting with my managers that I thought about Ten. I thought about how I would be spending what was my free time entirely with someone else, getting to know them and building an on-screen chemistry with them – something that my boyfriend and I couldn’t have. Part of me felt guilty, but I knew that Ten and I trusted each other enough to overcome the difficulties that come with being in a secret relationship. We loved each other.

When I got back to the dorms that evening, I facetimed Ten after the evening meal with my members. This was our routine – we weren’t allowed to meet up in person. Ten’s agency was much more popular than mine, but the rules were the same: No Dating. Ten’s group had newly debuted whereas mine had passed its two-year anniversary, but Ten and I had met when we were both trainees and attending the same international school. We had chemistry almost immediately, with both of us sharing a love for dance that developed into something more quite quickly. He was destined to be successful, and I felt lucky to be a part of his life. We made a promise when we became an item that we would make the relationship work. We were important to each other.

We were passionate people, and couldn’t hide our feelings that well. But that didn’t matter because we always told each other the truth. When I told Ten about the show, he told me straight away that he was happy for me; but I could see that he was upset. I tried to reassure him that it doesn’t matter who they pick to be my husband, nobody could ever make me feel how he did. He smiled and said that he was fine with it, that he trusted me, and that he loved me. I don’t know if I really believed him or not, but I let myself ignore the thought in the back of my mind that I had messed up. I told him that everything would be okay, that the show was fake and that it would be like all the other times we’ve had projects with other people. We were lying to each other.

The main thing we had established was that who I was marrying wasn’t important. The show wanted it to be a surprise, have our first meeting caught on camera. I was advised by my publicist that the most important thing about this show was portraying a connection between my husband and myself, so my intention was to become friendly enough with them that conversation would flow and skinship wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. The set up for our meeting was a picnic in the park, and I got there first. I was expecting to be paired with an actor, but then I saw him and knew this was not going to go how we planned. EXO’s main vocalist Byun Baekhyun walking towards me with a grin on his face. He hadn’t spotted me yet, so I tried to make sense of the thoughts in my head in the time I had. Not only was he a member of the same company as Ten, he also had seniority over him and was someone Ten highly respected. I understood why we had been chosen as a couple: we both came from well-known idol groups whose collective fanbase would boost ratings for the show. Added onto that, we both came across as extroverted and were known for being good at variety which would probably make it easier for us to get along. I knew that I was lucky, this was a member of one of the most popular boy groups in East Asia and I was paired with him. So, I decided then to take full advantage of the opportunity, not just for my career but for my group and my company who I knew were counting on me to increase popularity (and income).

I tried to get into character. My heart is available, I told myself. I couldn’t give my true feelings for Ten away so I had to act like any other female would in that situation. It was just acting.

And that’s exactly what it was like. Acting. I could tell Ten thought differently, and because we were in a relationship I respected and understood the fact that he wasn’t happy. But it didn’t seem like he respected and understood the fact that this was important to me. I may have had worries to begin with about how my feelings might develop, but as it became more of a regular thing I realised that Baekhyun was a pretty normal (super rich and famous) guy who I didn’t have any real chemistry with, not like I did with Ten. My chemistry with Baekhyun was different. We were colleagues at work, both of us controlling the sides of ourselves that the other, and the world, saw.

My relationship with Ten started to change. We spoke less frequently and he always seemed to have an excuse for why he was busy. I never called him out on it, mainly because I was afraid for what was happening. I went to work every day, pretended to be happy and pretended that I was growing closer to Baekhyun. In reality, I was getting more and more tired of the pretence and tired in general as I was given more work outside of my group. We could both tell we were unhappy, but we were both too exhausted to work on the relationship.

Then one night about three months into the show, everything changed.

I had been away on the weekend for a music video shoot, so I hadn’t spoken to Ten for those two days. I missed him like crazy and I just wanted to hear his voice or see his face, so I messaged him and asked if he was at the dorms. He replied a short ‘Yes’, which seemed out of character but I was feeling emotional and tired and I just wanted to hug him. I missed my Ten, the one who could make me laugh and who I was so deeply in love with. Instead of making me happy, thinking about Ten made me sad and made me long for what we were before. I messaged back with ‘I’ll come to you’ and snuck out to visit him without waiting for a reply. We used to do this more back in the early days, but this time it felt different. I felt like I wasn’t allowed to go and I felt anxious about whether or not he would want to see me. I brushed the thought away because that’s not how me and Ten were. We were each other’s home, always welcome where the other was. It was a surprisingly quick trip, there was usually some type of work being done on the road that would add about 5 minutes to the journey. As the taxi pulled up outside the building, a message came through on my phone.

‘I’m too tired, going to sleep’.

Those six words filled me with such sadness, and mixed with sleep deprivation I couldn’t help but burst into noisy tears in the back of the taxi. The driver had to ask me if I was alright, if I wanted to go back, but I was here now. I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t allowed in, that he wouldn’t let me in. He had shut me out.

I swallowed my pride and headed towards Ten’s dorm room. I lifted a hand to knock on the door when I heard a sound that filled me with dread. A flirtatious giggle. From a girl. In Ten’s room.

A million thoughts rushed through my mind to try and justify the sound. Was he watching TV? He shared the dorm with other guys maybe they had a girlfriend over? I reached up to knock again when, to my surprise, the door opened and I was face to face with a girl I had never met. “Oh!” she said, and she laughed as she almost ran into me. The same giggle I’d heard a moment ago from behind the door. Who are you? What are you doing here? Who are you here for? These were some of the questions that ran through my mind as the girl’s facial expression grew more confused and uncomfortable. “I’ll just, um, go. Bye Ten” she said as she looked behind her and waved at Ten who I hadn’t noticed was standing there. She took a final confused glance at me and walked away quickly, brushing past me and almost making me lose my balance in the process. In her defence I must have looked insane, I hadn’t looked in the mirror after crying and I probably had mascara on my face.

Ten hadn’t stopped staring at me as though he had seen a ghost, as though his worst nightmare had come true. Suddenly, his face hardened as he proceeded to break my heart. “This is what it feels like” he said, looking the most miserable I had ever seen him. When did we become so miserable? I hadn’t noticed. I continued to stand there in silence when he broke eye contact with me. “You should leave” he whispered as he slowly pushed the door shut.

I was left staring at a closed door.

a/n: Because I’m a massive bitch and I have no soul here’s an angsty af Ten scenario. It was requested but it was supposed to have a happy ending. Let me know if you’re interested in a part two? - Kat

#angst #scenarios #nct ten #nct u #ten #ten chittaphon #exo baekhyun #nct scenarios #kpop fanfiction

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imagine-that-one-thing · 8 years ago

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Envy and salty tears.

Authors note: I tried to spin something different and it didn't quite start off the way I wanted, (I got lost and just randomly came up with something). This is an old piece of writing, excuse the errors. XX

You sit at the dinner table playing with your food, your eyes focused on the candle flickering on the table, the small chatter of other couples around echo off the walls' of the charming Italian restaurant. "Where's your mind at, darling?" Your husband requests, detecting how you're certainly not focusing on the ravioli-mezzaluna dish in front of you; Half moons of whipped buffalo ricotta & spinach in tomato sauce with baby mozzarella & basil.

Your eyes meet the steady look of the emerald green eyes you first fell in love with many years ago. "I'm just tired," you assure him, not sure whether you want to reveal your full thoughts to him, more than likely it's just the lack of sleep getting to you.

"No, no, I know this gaze. You're deep in thought," he shakes his head, his eyes full of concern as they continue to read deep into your own.

You shake your head, "we can talk when we get home," you answer, forcing a mouth full of your dinner into your mouth.

Harry doesn't dispute your comment, he courteously nods and expeditiously changing the subject, "I got my last song recorded today, my five-year return feels so real now," Harry blissfully discloses, his eyes lighting up as the words roll off his tongue, you smile over at him, proud of his fresh accomplishment.

Five years ago he took a break from the music world, entirely disconnected himself from it for personal reasons.

After the band split up, he went his own way, entering into the movie civilisation, but leisurely lost his interest in continuously trying to portray himself as other people within films, he got bored, confounded, perhaps even lost.

He got into a part of his life where he had no idea what he wanted to do and where he wanted to go with life. He tried to get back into music— which had been a big part of his life, but he couldn't find the motivation to produce anything, he couldn't even write. Harry entered a rough patch, and rough is exactly what it was.

Now, five years later he's overcome many battles and is content with the decisions he's made, he's on track to releasing an album, and he couldn't be any happier. "I'm so proud of you, have you decided the release date?" You smile, eager to know the details to Harry's agenda, you're usually the first to know anyway but it's thrilling to know that he's ultimately getting out this album.

This album has taken up most his time and energy to get it flawless. "I'm thinking of releasing it in November— and I know it's so far away, but it means it'll be high up there for Christmas sales, hopefully," Harry informs you, "but I'm releasing the first song in a week or two," he continues with an excited expression written all over his face.

"Which one are you releasing?" You probe, finishing off the last piece of your dinner, "Me and you. Your favourite song," Harry announces, making your heart flutter like he did the first time you both met.

He wrote 'me and you' for you, he had written it for your birthday and sung it to you after the party when you were both in the hotel, "that's so sweet," you coo, flashing him yet another grin.

"Mhm. Would you like to taste the wine?" Harry offers the red wine he ordered with his dinner, you shake your head.

You cherish drinking wine with dinners and having a glass socially, but when you're trying to get pregnant drinking alcohol is a bit of a no go.

"Are you ready to go? Or would you like dessert?" Harry offers before drinking the last of his wine.

"I'm ready to go," you answer, courteously signalling for your waitress to bring the check.

❅ ❅ ❅

You force your sleep-deprived eyes to stay open, trying to stay awake for when Harry gets done doing whatever the hell he's doing in the office.

You sigh and stand up, allowing the blanket to sink to the couch before you pad down the serene hallway, entering the study, "you goin' to bed?" He composedly asks, not lifting his eyes from the laptop screen.

"Yes," you sigh, not able to stay up any longer waiting for him to get done.

After spending the last twenty-four hours at work, checking patients, delivering a premature baby, and sneaking in a quick fifteen-minute nap before checking a sonogram— it's safe to say your exceptionally tired.

"Oh, I forgot to ask, what was on your mind earlier?" Harry's eyes finally leave the screen to focus on you, you bite your lip, the emotions immediately flowing back to you and before you can say anything tears are falling from your soft-hearted eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Harry instantaneously interrogates, standing up from his position at the desk, inching closer to you and pressing his hands to your waists. "Sweetheart, what's the matter? Hm," he whispers, gently pulling you into his embrace, his warm arms wrapping around you and pulling you closer to him for you to stain his t-shirt with your teardrops.

You mumble a few words into him, sobbing harder. "Okay, shh. It's alright," Harry says in a low voice, his hand now rubbing your back as he holds you, still completely unaware as to why you're sobbing into him at eleven at night.

"I-I spend my…" you babble, your emotional tears stopping you from forming proper sentences.

"Take a deep breath first," Harry informs you, gently pulling away and using his thumbs to wipe away the tears, "deep breath." He instructs, and you take deep breaths, calming down.

You gaze into his eyes, feeling the puffiness of your own, "C'mon, let's go sit down and talk," Harry takes your hand, guiding you out of the office.

He takes you to the bedroom and without being told you climb on the bed and he does the same. "I…I spend so much time with pregnant women, from the minute they find out they're pregnant to the minute they give birth. I'm there," you begin, "but do you think I can manage to get pregnant? No!" You babble gloomily, holding back more tears, "my patient today came in and cried when she heard the heartbeat," you horse-whisper.

"Awah, that's good. She cried with joy," he begins but you cut him off.

"No! She didn't want the baby. And that's fine for her, but I want one and it's been hard and—" you continue to break down in tears, unable to stop the emotional wreck you're becoming.

He looks at you with softened eyes, loathing the fact he has to see you like this. "Hey, we can keep trying, it'll happen. Listen to me, everything happens when it happens. We can't force it." He tries to be supportive and convincing but deep down he understands you're breaking point.

He too is going through the anticipation of waiting every month to see whether there will be an addition to the family. "But everyone else is having babies. I'm an OBGYN and I am struggling to conceive. I'm getting older!" You shake your head, envious of the patients you've had in the last twenty-four hours who have managed to bring darling babies into the world.

"Y/N, it'll happen soon, just relax. You've had barely any sleep, you're emotional, and those two things don't mix well. Get some sleep," he kisses your forehead.

"No, let's try for a baby," you dispute his suggestion.

"Sweetheart, not right now. C'mon get some rest," Harry slightly chuckles, placing a kiss to your lips, "you're exhausted and need sleep." He whispers, pushing a few strands of hair away from your tear-stained cheeks.

"You don't want to keep trying?" You whimper, looking at him with saddened eyes.

"I do! But not tonight, you're too tired, my love." He shakes his head, doing his best to soothe you at such an emotional time, "do you want me to run you a bath?" Harry offers, not sure what else to do.

After being married for three years, and together for eight, whenever you completely break down in tears all he knows how to do is hold you, run baths, and hope for the best.

He never knows the right sentimental words to say because his own heart is generally breaking with every tear you shed.

Sometimes he cries with you and holds you close for hours on end when you hit rock bottom. "No," you shake your head, "can we just snuggle and watch a movie?" You sniffle, looking into his captivating eyes.

"Of course, my darling," he nods, already reaching for the remote for you to pick something.

You cuddle into him, still using his t-shirt to dry the last bit of your years while you both find a movie to watch.

#imagine one direction #harry styles imagines #one direction imagines #harry styles prompt #one direction prompts #harry styles blurb #harry styles prompts #imagine harry styles #harry styles blurbs #harry styles fluff #harry styles preference #harry styles preferences #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfics #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles writing

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jeparlelibremente · 7 years ago

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The Wolf and the Lamb

“Once upon a time a Wolf was lapping at a spring on a hill- side, when, looking up, what should he see but a Lamb just beginning to drink a little lower down. ‘ ere’s my supper,’ thought he, ‘if only I can find some excuse to seize it.’ then he called out to the Lamb, ‘How dare you muddle the water from which I am drinking?’* *‘Nay, master, nay,’ said Lambikin; ‘if the water be muddy up there, I cannot be the cause of it, for it runs down from you to me.’* *‘Well, then,’ said the Wolf, ‘why did you call me bad names this time last year?’* *‘ at cannot be,’ said the Lamb; ‘I am only six months old.’* *‘I don’t care,’ snarled the Wolf; ‘if it was not you it was your father;’ and with that he rushed upon the poor little Lamb and ate her all up. But before she died she gasped out.’Any excuse will serve a tyrant.’” - Aesop’s Fables

Obvious interpretation notwithstanding, there's a key fact overlooked here: the Lamb stood her ground and engaged in discourse with the Wolf People take this story to mean that tyrants will rationalise any behaviour in accordance with their true wishes and goals, but completely overlook that the lamb deliberately makes herself a victim. "She's only six months old!" true - but she's old enough to engage in a dialectic with the Wolf. She refers to the Wolf as "Master" in acknowledgement of his physical superiority in the natural order, yet she never, ever attempts to flee.

What kind of creature would stand its ground knowing it was rationalising its way towards its own death?

Third person perspective; we, the audience, are standing by, watching these events unfold. This is literally how the story is told; not as first person, but as third. And what do we do? Nobody intervenes despite what will obviously happen to the lamb; the lamb herself is unwilling to take action to prevent her death. No deus ex machina. Purely theoretical consideration? Overly psychoanalytic analysis?

People are not born into a void; each of us is born into a system, a social structure that forms an impression on our growing unconscious. The lamb understands, intuits via some means, learned or innate, that the wolf is her superior. Her mistake is in thinking she can reason with the wolf, but it is not the only means to resolve existential conflict. Fleeing (even making the attempt) fighting back, or suicide, are all valid options. In the case of suicide, she deprives the wolf of the pride of the kill. Yes, he still gets to eat, but his ego has been stripped; his persona, his drive. His own existential purpose has been claimed from him. He becomes an animal without a reason to exist. What if all the lambs simply threw themselves into the river and drowned?

2. In 1991, the Nobel Peace Prize was awarded to Aung San Suu Kyi, a woman who endured fifteen years of house arrest over a twenty one year period in order to help bring about stable democracy in Myanmar. Now, she is under political attack for passively allowing the slaughter of who are perhaps the worlds largest group of stateless people: the Rohingya. The basic exposition is thus: after the so-called '8888' uprising in Burma, a military junta took control of the state, and this was new. Previously (1962), Burma had been effectively controlled as a totalitarian state; a period of increasing economic isolation and strengthening of the military power with utterly predictable consequences: impoverishment of the people (please add this to your pile of evidence that Marx was, yet again, utterly wrong about everything) Burma has consistently ranked poorly in the United Nations socioeconomic development index; General Win Ne was only continuing to make this worse: forcing farmers to sell below market price in order to secure greater revenue for the government (econ 101, Marx wrong, again) Ne Win resigned, a new (unpopular) ruler took over with the promise of a multiparty system i.e. "democracy"

More protests followed, larger and more thoroughly organised. The national army suppressed this and, as military states tend to do, killed people. Aung San Suu Kyi had political credibility as the daughter of the guy who founded the state and it was at this point she made an address to the general assembly of protestors and entered the political fight. It was after she founded the National League for Democracy that she was placed under house arrest. Decades and one Nobel prize later, Burma/Myanmar is looking a little better. I hear the government doesn't just wipe out your savings now.

3. For the last three weeks, Buddhist-majority Myanmar has systematically slaughtered civilians belonging to the Rohingya Muslim minority, forcing 270,000 to flee to neighboring Bangladesh — with Myanmar soldiers shooting at them even as they cross the border.*

*“The Buddhists are killing us with bullets,” Noor Symon, a woman carrying her son, told a Times reporter. “They burned houses and tried to shoot us. They killed my husband by bullet.” - The New York Times ("A Nobel Peace prize winners shame")

"I hate this essayist, all he does is talk about Freud!!" Look, it's not my fault he was right about a lot of stuff, ok? Anyway, you're in luck. It's far too easy to point to the pattern: "Freud -> Civilisation & its Discontents -> Narcissism of small differences -> neighbours killing each other"

Different question: what if the Rohingya either fought back, or killed themselves?

If you make the (very sane) choice to run, then I wish you luck. If it were me, I would run. But running and appealing to global authority is akin to the lamb rationalising with the wolf; the third party, us, is not going to step in and help you. Murdering your neighbours is a particular kind of insanity, terrifying because under the narcissism of small differences we are all capable of it. Fascism is evil because of the ability of the individual to rationalise the morality of the evil act. It's a collective delusion, but the collective has to cling to it to maintain sanity.

When you run, you reinforce the belief your neighbours/enemy have that you are an evil-doer. This is why peaceful protest works so well for the collective (NB: not not not the individual) peaceful protest is a form of suicide; you strip the antagonist of their existential tension. From the perspective of the Army, fleeing is justifying why you are being chased in the first place. It doesn't make it right, it means you are acting in accordance with how their super-ego perceives you, thus, justifying your own persecution.

If human beings had the somehow supernatural ability to dissolve their natural will to live, and collectively lay down as a group and die, how much conflict would be resolved? If you provided no tension, would they still shoot? Would the wolf continue eating lambs?

Yes, it's insane. And very, (very) big-H hypothetical. But it's insane because the world is insane.

“They killed my husband by bullet.”

#myanmar #burma #nobel peace prize #aesop

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gotoocollectorheart-blog · 7 years ago

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Violence against women, also known as interpersonal violence

Overview

Violence against women, also known as interpersonal violence, is a crime of power and control. It occurs in the context of many different types of relationships and takes many forms. It can happen within marriages, between siblings, roommates, dating couples and those in lesbian and gay relationships. Elderly members of a family can also be the objects of abuse by relatives. In the majority of intimate partner violence incidents, men are the primary abusers. According to findings from the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 1.5 million women and more than 800,000 men are raped or physically assaulted by an intimate partner every year. And the U.S. Department of Justice reported in 2000 that 25.5 percent of women and 7.9 percent of men reported being raped, physically assaulted and/or stalked by anintimate partner in their lifetimes. According to the CDC's National Center for Injury Prevention, almost 5.3 million intimate partner victimizations of women age 18 and over take place each year, and 3.2 million occur among men. These attacks result in approximately two million injuries and 1,300 deaths each year. In 2001, intimate-partner violence accounted for 20 percent of all nonfatal violent crime experienced by women. In addition, one study showed that almost all (93 percent) of the women who were murdered by their intimate partner had been treated for at least one injury at the hands of that same person. Generally, victims of repeated physical violence experience more serious consequences than victims of isolated incidents. The abuser may use a number of tactics other than physical violence in order to maintain power and control over his or her victim. There are three categories of abuse: Psychological abuse: Sometimes called mental violence, this type of abuse may include constant verbal abuse, harassment, stalking, excessive possessiveness, isolating the woman from friends and family, depriving her of physical and economic resources and destroying her personal property. The abuser may destroy objects or harm pets in front of the victim, and it may escalate to physical abuse. Psychological abuse can lead to psychological consequences for the victim, including depression, low self esteem, fear of intimacy, inability to trust men,anxiety, antisocial behavior and, in some cases, attempted suicide. Physical abuse: Physical abuse may begin with grabbing, pinching or shoving and often escalates into more serious and more frequent attacks including kicking, punching, biting, throwing objects, holding down, driving recklessly, blocking exists and sexual assault. Physical attacks and aggressive behavior, although they may not be life threatening at first, are not trivial and should not be excused or ignored. This abuse becomes life threatening when the attacks include choking, breaking bones or the use of weapons. Sexual abuse: Any time a woman is forced to take part in unwanted sexual activity, it is considered sexual violence. Physical abuse may be accompanied by, or culminate in, sexual violence, but there is a clear and distinct line between physical domestic violence and sexual abuse. Although some intimate partner abuse culminates in sexual abuse, the majority does not. And although perpetrators of sexual abuse sometimes physically harm their victims, it is unusual for sexual abuse perpetrators to be chronic intimate partner violence abusers. Certain groups of women are at higher risk for becoming victims of abuse and violence. According to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, these include women who: are single, separated or divorced (or planning a separation or divorce) are between the ages of 17 and 28, especially under age 24 abuse alcohol or other drugs or whose partners do have partners who are excessively jealous or possessive have a history of prior physical abuse have partners who are verbally abusive have a history of childhood abuse are unemployed or experiencing economic stress have experienced prior injury from the same partner have a low level of academic achievement lack social networks and tend to be socially isolated There are also various relationship risk factors for violence and abuse, including the following: A male belief in strict traditional gender codes, such as the woman should stay at home and be submissive Couples with educational, income or job status disparities Male or female dominance in the relationship Dating Violence Another form of violence against women is dating violence (sometimes called "date rape"). In this form of violence, one person purposely causes physical or psychological harm to another person they are dating. Dating violence can manifest itself as physical abuse, sexual assault and/or psychological/emotional abuse. A victim of dating violence might unknowingly be given alcohol or slipped "date rape" drugs like Rohypnol in her drink. Alcohol and date rape drugs can make you unable to resist assault. You experience a type of amnesia so you're uncertain about what happened. This means you're left to cope with not only the trauma of the sexual assault, but the uncertainty surrounding the specifics of the crime. Unfortunately, most cases of dating violence are not reported to the police. Like other forms of violence against women, dating violence is a serious crime that occurs in both casual and serious relationships, as well as in both heterosexual and same-sex relationships. The physical and psychological health consequences of intimate partner and dating violence are very serious. Affected women experience more reported chronic health problems than unaffected women, including: Pain, gastrointestinal disorders and irritable bowel syndrome Higher rates of sexually transmitted diseases, central nervous system disorders and cardiac problems, although no history of cardiac disease. Gynecological disorders and unwanted pregnancies. Headaches and back pain Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, including emotional detachment, flashbacks and sleep disturbances In 2000, the U.S. Department of Justice reported on the extent, nature and consequences of intimate partner violence in the U.S. According to its findings, approximately 1.8 million women and one million men reported being raped and/or physically assaulted by an intimate partner in the past 12 months. These statistics do not take into account the occurrences of psychological abuse, which is harder to identify than physical or sexual abuse. Additionally, stalking by intimates is more prevalent than previously thought. According to CDC estimates, more than one million women and 371,000 men are stalked by an intimate partner every year. An abuser can be anyone involved in a relationship with the victim: husbands, boyfriends, dating partners, same-sex partners and others. Many abusers were involved in or exposed to abusive relationships during their childhood. However, exposure to abuse is not a prerequisite for abusive behavior later in life. The physical and psychological health consequences of intimate partner violence are very serious. Affected women have 60 percent more reported chronic health problems, including: If you know someone who is involved in an abusive relationship, it may be difficult for you to understand why she doesn't just leave. The answer as to why women stay in violent relationships is complex. Part of the reason is that domestic violence often occurs as a pattern of behavior known as the "cycle of violence." The cycle involves three phases: Phase 1: Tension builds. The abuser may threaten or push and shove the victim. The victim often reacts by working harder to keep the abuser calm. During this phase, the victim may believe that she can prevent a violent incident, but she is walking on eggshells. Her efforts typically fail. Phase 2: Violence occurs. The abuser may hit, beat, sexually abuse or use weapons against his partner. Women's lives are most often in danger during phase two. Phase 3: The "Honeymoon" Phase. The abuser apologizes to the victim and promises he won't harm her again. He may also blame his actions on her behavior. Often the partner accepts the abuser's apologies and forgives his behavior. The tension-building phase begins again, renewing the "cycle of violence." If you or someone you know is trapped in this cycle of violence, talk to someone at the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Dial toll-free: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TDD 1-800-787-3224 24 hours a day, 365 days a year in English, Spanish and other languages. If you think you are being stalked, call the Stalking Hotline at the National Center for Victims of Crime at 1-800-FYI-CALL (394-2255). There are also many external barriers to women leaving a violent relationship. Reasons why women stay include: Lack of resources. Many women have children to support, yet they are not employed outside the home. Often the car, house, bank accounts and credit cards are in the abuser's name. Institutional responses. Clergy and secular counsel are often trained to save the marriage at all costs, despite the fact that abuse is occurring. Police officers often treat women not as victims of violent crime, but rather as participants in a domestic dispute. However, in most jurisdictions police can file charges against the perpetrator if women are afraid to. Prosecutors are sometimes reluctant to take legal action against abusers and when they do, the courts rarely levy heavy sentences. Restraining orders often do little to prevent an abuser from returning and repeating the assault. However, many women do not believe they will get support if they leave. Traditional ideology. MMany women do not believe divorce is an alternative to an abusive marriage. When children are involved, they may believe that an abusive father is better than no father at all. Also, women often feel responsible for the failure of their marriage. Because abused women may become isolated from family and friends by a jealous abuser, they may feel they have no one to turn to. Many times women will rationalize their partner's abusive behavior, blaming it on drugs, alcohol, stress or other factors. During non-violent "honeymoon" phases within the cycle of violence, the abuser may convince his victim that he is truly sorry and will not hurt her again. She may believe that her abuser is "basically a good person." Losing children. This is an enormous fear for women with children. They believe that in leaving they will lose their children. Reaching out to a woman who is in an abusive relationship can be difficult. Here are some things you can say to her: I'm afraid for your safety I'm afraid for the safety of your children It will only get worse You deserve better than this Let's figure out a safety plan for you Reflect and recall the pattern of events (to stop the cycle of violence) Diagnosis Prevailing myths about intimate-partner violence often encourage denial about abusive situations and prevent women from getting the help they need. Remember: Domestic violence can happen in any type of relationship, income level, environment or culture. Common myths associated with domestic and intimate partner violence include: Myth: Family violence is rare. Truth: Although statistics on family violence are not precise, it's clear that millions of children, women and even men are abused physically by family members and their closest relations or partners. Myth: Family violence is confined to the lower classes. Truth: Reports from police records, victim services and academic studies show domestic violence exists in every socioeconomic group, regardless of race or culture. Myth: Alcohol and drug abuse are the real causes of violence in the home. Truth: Because many male batterers also abuse alcohol and other drugs, it's easy to conclude that these substances may cause domestic violence. Substance abuse increases the risk for and lethality of the violence. But for some men, battering begins when they come off of drugs and other substances. Substance use and abuse are not excuses for a batterer's behavior or for his failure to take responsibility for his behavior, however. In addition, successful completion of a drug treatment program does not guarantee an end to battering. Domestic violence and substance abuse are two different problems that both require treatment. Myth: Battered wives like being hit, otherwise they would leave…Truth: The most common response to battering—"Why doesn't she just leave?"—ignores the economic and social realities facing many women. Shelters are often full; and family, friends and the workplace are frequently less than supportive. Faced with rent and utility deposits, day care, health insurance and other basic expenses, the woman may feel that she cannot support herself and her children. Moreover, in some instances, the woman may be increasing the chance of physical harm, death or losing her children if she leaves an abusive partner. Are you in an abusive or potentially abusive relationship? Here are some questions to ask yourself about how you are being treated by your partner and how you treat your partner. Does your partner: Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family? Put down your accomplishments or goals? Criticize you for little things? Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful? Control your use of needed medicines? Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions? Use intimidation or threats to gain compliance? Tell you that you are nothing without him or her? Control how you spend money? Treat you roughly—grab, push, pinch, shove or hit you? Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be? Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you? Blame you for how he or she feels or acts? Pressure you sexually for things you aren't ready for? Make you feel like there "is no way out" of the relationship? Destroy your property or things you care about? Prevent you from doing the things you want, like spending time with your friends or family? Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to "teach you a lesson?" Do you: Sometimes feel scared of how your partner will act? Constantly make excuses to other people for your partner's behavior? Believe that you can help your partner change if only you changed something about yourself? Try not to do anything that would cause conflict or make your partner angry? Feel like no matter what you do, your partner is never happy with you? Always do what your partner wants you to do instead of what you want? Stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive or potentially abusive relationship. If you do not seek help, the abuse will continue. Ultimately, you can take the first step toward getting help by confiding in your health care professional. If you find yourself in a health care professional's office, an emergency room or clinic for treatment as a result of abuse, take the opportunity to talk to the health care professional about why you're there. Today, many health care professionals are trained to notice signs and symptoms of abuse, and they know how to help you. It might be up to you, however, to bring up the topic.

Prevention

Emotional and verbal abuse, attempts to isolate and threats and intimidation within a relationship may be an indication that physical abuse is to follow. Even if these behaviors are not accompanied by physical abuse, they must not be minimized or ignored. If you are dating, learn how to minimize your risk of becoming a victim of dating violence before you find yourself in an uncomfortable or threatening situation. If you are already in an abusive relationship, take the following actions to prevent the violence from escalating: Share your situation with someone you can trust. Tell a family member or friend what's going on. Prepare NOW for your escape. Make plans for what you will do if you are attacked again. Locate a safe place for you and your children to go—a friend's house or a shelter. A crisis hotline or your local police can help you find a shelter. Have a back-up plan in mind just in case your first plan doesn't work. Build a survival kit including a spare set of keys, clothes, birth certificates, passports, divorce/custody/separation agreements, protection orders, prescriptions, bank cards and money. Ask someone you trust to keep these items for you. Contact your local family court or domestic violence court for information about getting a civil protection order. Try not to let the abuser trap you in a kitchen with potential weapons or in small places like a bathroom. If you are injured, go to a hospital or health care professional's office, tell the health care professional who treats you what happened and make sure he or she writes it in your medical records. Try to open a savings account in your own name. Ask someone you trust to keep the account statements, and have the statements sent directly to that person. Keep some emergency cash in a safe place near an escape exit. Know your rights. Contact the shelter or women's center in your area to find out about your legal rights and what resources are available in the community. Facts to Know Help is available by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TDD 1-800-787-3224. You can reach the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673. And the Stalking Hotline number is 1-800-FYI-CALL (394-2255). Women living with female intimate partners experience less intimate-partner violence than women living with male intimate partners. However, men living with male intimate partners experience more intimate-partner violence than do men who live with female intimate partners. Unmarried couples are at greater risk of intimate partner violence than married couples. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's (CDC) National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, women who experience intimate partner violence are more likely to have been unemployed in the past and are more likely to be receiving public assistance. Ironically, however, women with an education level higher than their partners' are also more likely to become victims of intimate partner violence. Women are primarily raped and/or physically assaulted by intimate partners and are more likely than men to be injured during an assault. Approximately 1,300 women are murdered every year by an intimate partner, according to the U.S. Department of Justice. The CDC reports that people with disabilities are four to 10 times more likely to become victims of abuse than people without disabilities, and that women with disabilities report a greater number of perpetrators of physical violence, emotional abuse or sexual abuse—and for longer periods of abuse—than women without disabilities. A batterer may be pleasant and charming between periods of violence, and is often seen as a "nice person" to outsiders. Some behavioral warning signs of a potential batterer include extreme jealousy, possessiveness, a bad temper, unpredictability, cruelty to animals and verbal abusiveness. Women and men who were physically assaulted as children by adult caretakers are significantly more likely to report being victimized by their current partner. One-third of women who are physically abused by a husband or boyfriend grew up in a household where their mothers were similarly abused. About one in five were abused themselves as children or teenagers. Children who witness violence at home or who are abused themselves are more likely to abuse their own children when they become parents Information from the U.S. Department of Justice shows that violence perpetrated against women by intimate partners is rarely prosecuted. It is important to realize that a woman who begins to talk about her situation is reaching out for help and making an effort to involve someone in her situation. Family and friends should be supportive of her attempts to escape her abuser, since there are often financial and psychological barriers standing in her way. Key Q&A If things are so bad, why doesn't she just leave her abuser?Shelters often are full, and family, friends and the workplace are frequently less than fully supportive of a woman fleeing an abusive relationship. Faced with rent and utility deposits, day care, health insurance and other basic expenses, she may feel that she cannot support herself and her children. In some instances, the woman may be increasing the chance of physical harm or even death if she leaves an abusive partner. What can I do to convince my friend that she needs to leave her abusive partner?Explain to her that you are afraid for her safety and the safety of her children. Assure her that the abuse will likely continue to escalate and will definitely not go away. Tell her that she deserves better than this and offer to help her devise a plan for escape. What if she will not or does not want to leave?Encourage her to investigate local resources for counseling and temporary shelter, or other social services she or her family may need. Sometimes abusers can be persuaded, or court-ordered, to enroll in anger-management programs for intensive therapy aimed at rechanneling rage. Additionally, the woman needs continued support—it may take a victim months or even years before she feels safe enough to leave. Is it still considered abuse even if he doesn't physically harm her?Yes. Psychological abuse, sometimes called mental violence, may include constant verbal abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, isolating the woman from friends and family, deprivation of physical and economic resources and destruction of personal property in her presence. The abuser may destroy objects or harm pets in front of the woman. Psychological abuse often escalates to restraining, pushing, slapping and/ or pinching. If I can get my partner to stop drinking so much, will that help calm his abusive behavior?Probably not. Although abuse is often blamed on alcohol and drug use, abusers rarely stop their abusive behavior even after completion of a drug or alcohol treatment program. Abusive behavior and substance abuse are two separate issues that both require treatment. How can I prepare for the day when I finally leave for good?Begin now to build a survival kit containing a spare set of keys, clothes, birth certificates, passports, divorce/custody/separation agreements, protection orders, prescriptions, bank cards and money. Ask someone you trust to keep these items for you. If you are concerned about leaving important items and money with someone, get a safety deposit box. How can I leave my husband when he always seems so sorry after he hits me?Your husband's apologies may seem sincere for the moment, but they are part of the cycle of violence. After a violent incident, most abusers apologize and promise to stop hurting their victims. But soon after the "honeymoon" is over, violent tension begins to build again and will inevitably result in more abuse. Am I doing something to provoke my husband's rage?Like other abusers, your husband would like for you to believe that his violent behavior is your fault. It is not. And by the same token, there is nothing you can do or say to prevent the abuse from continuing, except to leave. Its important to understand that one reason the abuser attacks you is because he sees you as vulnerable, not because he has a tendency to attack all women. Can sexual abuse occur between husband and wife?Yes. Sexual abuse is any type of unwanted sexual activity. Sexual abuse can occur within a marriage or between lovers. Physical abuse may accompany or culminate in, sexual violence. However, a few states still don't allow women to charge their husbands with a sexual crime. Sexual abuse can include the abusers' insistence on total control of the woman's sexual life, including the type of contraception she is "allowed" to use, or the insistence that she cannot use any contraception. Today, more contraception choices are available to women and may be used without detection. Every woman should also know about and have access to emergency contraception, the so-called "morning-after" pill that can prevent a pregnancy from occurring after unprotected sex Read the full article

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