#why am i here at this game again
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love how this game hides belian and zio from you in the hero journal like I literally do not wake up and go to pvp everyday looking at their cancerous asses
#they arent actually cancerous i just hate them#my cleave team is so scuffed everyday im surprised im still in challenger#why am i here at this game again
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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TES Summer Fest Day 1 - Forbidden
A 7 year old Vanus "Trechtus" Galerion stays up late one night reading with his dad.
#tesfest24#tesfest#tes summer fest#vanus galerion#the elder scrolls#tes#elder scrolls#eso character featuring daggerfall era lore so idk what game to tag#mine#i know the blanket is rough. am never drawing a blanket ever again#my art#finding out that vanus was originally a dev ttrpg character makes it make more sense why he has such a protagonist-esque backstory#anyway if you read this far down in the tags here's a misc vanus headcanon for you: his dad's name is also trechtus (making vanus a jr) and#that is part of the reason he was so ok with his name being changed. it reminded him too much of his dad and old life
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btw tw for talking about abuse
I've seen a lot online about how the game never mentions Caterina's abuse of Lucanis while he was growing up (being beaten and starved, which is mentioned in the Wigmaker Job) and I think there's a small mention to it if you're a crow (when asked, he says it was torture training under the first talon and that he resented her for a long time)
And while I do think part of the reason why this isn't brought up is just due to how sanitized this game is when it comes to the crows, I think I do understand why in world wise it's not possible to just be like hey lucanis, fuck your grandma.
It's really hard, loving someone who hurts you. Because you know they're hurting you and yet, you still love them. It's even harder when they're family.
Because its not like Lucanis doesn't know that she hurt him. He says so himself - he hated her, he resented her, and althought I do think him 'justifying' it by saying that at least it prepared him for the life of a crow, at least he still admits that it happened.
But the thing is that despite all this shit, she's still his grandmother. And like, yes, blood shouldn't excuse justifing this behaviour, I feel like it's cultural. Idk how spain or italy works when it comes to family, but here in brazil, you'll hear so many stories of physical abuse happening in families, and its still a situation like Lucanis - i hate them, i resent them, i love them, they're my family.
It's a...complicated situation and I think Lucanis's situation is made worst by the fact that he only has two family members alive and that he cannot let go of.
She beat him, she starved him, he hated and resented her, and he was afraid of dissapointing her, even if in her eyes, i don't think he could. I mean, he comes back an abomination and she still tenderly says 'my poor boy' when you rescue her in the Villa.
All in all...it's tought and I think that it would not be Rook's place to suddenly make Lucanis want to kill his grandma bc he wouldn't. Sorting out those feelings is something he has to do himself, and i'l almost glad the game doesn't make rook do a therapy session with him to talk about it.
#its complicated ok#i've just been thinking a lot about this#bc of my relationship with my mom#and coming to terms that i may be experiencing verbal abuse from her#and the very complex feelings i have in regards to her#so i kinda understand where lucanis comes from?#and why its not adressed in game#this is something lucanis has already come to terms with#there's not a lot you can do about it#maybe after caterina died he would think about it#but its not something that can just be 'solved'#in fact i think if caterina straight up died it would be worst#at least with her alive he could have some time to like fucking properly deal with these feelings#idk i'm not defending caterina#i'm just saying its complicated#idk i just see some posts about 'making lucanis realize all the shit caterina did and go kill her'#and i'm like idk if that would do anything for him#btw don't come for me this is a complicated topic and i did my best to express myself in the wretched language that is english#and when i talk about the cultural part#its bc more than once here you'll have people “brush off” that their parents did those things to them#bc its like...'its been so long and its made into the person i am today and there's not much point in dwelling on it'#it may not be the healthiest thing ever#but sometimes its what you have#sometimes you can't think about it too much if you just want to get on with your day#sometimes its does it even fucking matter its so in the past now#anyways#tw talk of abuse#again DON'T COME FOR ME#lucanis dellamorte
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not to be myself on main but im still here
#snap chats#sorry not sorry im still obsessed with how big he is. this is peak mags body to me just huge as fuck and solid like a freight train#i hate that charas follow where you're looking because now i feel especially filthy like STOP. i AM looking at your ass i dont wanna hear i#this is why i cant stream me playing 90% of the time i will Not So Subtly just be checking out the modeling of his ass#it aint even a perverse thing im just genuinely mesmerized by the shape and the definition ..... the sculpt ...#i am a very tactile person i love texture and feeling grooves and all that so OF COURSE im gonna be here Forever#yeah they'll never tear this skin away from me. i need to grab him#there is no bounce his ass isnt even big it is hard as steel but idc. let me grab#'snap youve lost the plot' i fear i never had it to begin with the release of this game just made me worse#my favorite thing mags does sometimes is he'll like. raise his leg like some kinda fuckin horse while flourishing his magnetism#for what reason did yall have him do that. im obsessed I Repeat he's like a giant horse to me#ok im gonna stare at him for another half hour like some sicko bye#maybe ill play the game again later but i wanna work on stuff first
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we should talk about this scene more often
#my posts#my aftg posts#aftg#all for the game#kevin day#tfc#the foxhole court#the sunshine court#i am once again asking you to reread every kevin scene#'one of us had to make it and i wanted it to be you' absolutely destroys me. he told kevin this oh my goddddddd#and everything kevin says here is just#tells you everything you need to know#he doesn't want this but he's not like neil!!!!#which is why later on he asks neil how he does it#with scenes like this in the books i really don't understand how he was misunderstood for so long#neil's perspective of him might be biased but you can look past that once you realize#and if you actually /read/ kevin's dialogue it's all right there#anyway i love the specific flavour of kevneil scenes
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Trying to ignore the fact I won't get to pull any banners on whb
#hrrr#Idk why Im sad to just see all these 1 year birthday banner and battle pass but I can't even pull a x10 or it's paid currency-#shoku downloading the game again telling herself to not expect banners or pulling but here I am again
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returnal did not cure my depression but it did give me a strangely healing new perspective that makes it all a bit easier to bear. that perspective being 'I may be having a rough time right now, but at least I'm not inside the head of returnal protagonist selene vassos'
#thank god -- at least -- for that! she's going through it in ways few have ever gone through it before#returnal#selene vassos#beat the final boss today! though since the achievement says 'finished act 2'... I take it we're not done here yet haha#the cycle begins again baby!!!#I cannot convey to you just how stupidly fun this game is to play the gameplay is honestly astonishingly good#I am an avowed Platforming Hater and even I have fun with some of those parts because the mobility is done so well#and the running and shooting bits are fully *chef's kiss*#there are a couple of places where I think they don't signal quite enough what they want you to do#but hey I did figure it out eventually right lol#if anyone plays this game after me and sees this listen to my words of hard-earned wisdom... the abyssal vault stays unlocked#you only have to find and use the key the once. that's why you're running around the whole level crying b/c you can't find it#let that knowledge be my gift to you
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alexa play gary come home :((
#pens lb#i miss him....#i know playing a goalie while hes hot is a thing. i know that. but whats the long-term plan here? you're going to have#ned still increasing his chances of injuries and fatigue AND a goalie who hasnt played in weeks#its unfair to ned and its setting jarry up to be a scrapgoat in important games#like im not a big fan of the bruins but theyve been doing the right thing in actually alternating their goalies every other game#so the other gets to rest while staying sharp and they're both well experienced.#jarry has 6!!!! shutouts!!!! and thats while being the goalie for the fucking pittsburgh penguins!#you KNOW he can play. you know hes good. why are you purposely setting him up to fail.#and ned has been wonderful! i was so nervous he was going to be traded after not being played for a good bit. i love my eyebrows boy and am#so happy and proud he's been having these opportunities to show how good and valuable he is to this team#but overworking him to such an extent is (once again) setting him up to fail just as much as its setting jarry up to be that scrapegoat#mike sullivan i am shaking you by the shoulders demanding to know what the fuck has been up with these lineups lately
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you guys are so funnyyyyyy, i hope i never become "normal" and not "disgusting" so that i can keep upsetting people by shipping controversial ships, because really, what am i doing other than existing? worst case scenario youre right, and i do have personal issues and i am working through it/comforting myself through fiction, right? what is so wrong with that? I havent hurt and wont hurt a damn soul by shipping "weird" fictional couples.
#morality police#travis x laura#so many of my fav pairings are hated so yeah i am used to it but seeing ppl encourage censorship on AO3 of all places is just ironic af#critiques are: that they didnt interact that much. lmao where is your imagination then (i think they had the MOST interesting scenes)#the age gap is too big: irl yes there would be complications and questions of intention and morality. BUT THEY ARENT REAL GUYS#i find older men attractive so its part of why i like him. rather than an issue. im entitled to be attracted to anyone of a legal age.#he locked her up for months/power imbalance: yes tht is true but again thats why i like it. watching them overcome issues is thrilling#oh and that we are all teenagers (am not) that we are psychos (definitely not) tht we are sicko/fangirls (ok well tht ones true)#but i know there is no convincing anyone that is small minded and judgmental. u dont have to like it too but why are you casting aspersions#and yeah im late cuz i waited to buy the game. i wouldve been here in the trenches defending any of you guys tht was getting attacked
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Every day I wake up, I'm full of inspiration and ambition, I lollygag a bit, I kinda skirt around it, I actively avoid The Thing I WANT to do. Then I just kinda give up and do something else.
#idk what's up w this but like. the more intensely i WANT the more i can't bring myself to do it.#like feh example like you'd think bc it's ALL i'm on about. i'd be deeply IN the source material#and i have felt i've been away doing my own thing for too long i need to revisit it. i Need to#but for some reason it's unbearable. not bad. i just can't bear it. i do NOT know what's up w that#i wanna keep listening to a playlist too (hoping it's still up) but like. i broke away. and i am struggling to return.#AND LIKE. BEYOND FEH. i feel this about video games in general like i have to do something that requires no commitment.#labyrinth of galleria was great for this. for some INEXPLICABLE reason. it is just a COMPLETELY different experience#like. the feelings i feel when playing galleria vs like etrian odyssey where i'm VERY attached to my guys#the most upsetting side effect is i feel like i'm losing alfonse's voice like i feel like i used to be able#to mimic his speech patterns PERFECTLY. but everything just feels off or not cleaned up enough#and again i can't fucking bear it. like i am almost going to fucking cry about it. like what is wrong here.#like WHY can't i get myself to DO. THE THINGS. I LIKE. THAT BRING ME JOY. THE COMMITMENT.#i think i'm also worried like i don't wanna get to the point where like. my blorbos are unrecognizable.#spent too much time in my head and now they're all warped and weird. but like. like. for some reason.#esp if i feel this INTENSE fucking affinity it's like. i get in this weird headspace where can't look directly at it.#i should do ANYTHING else. what is my fucking PROBLEM.#does anybody have a cure. or do i just give up forever.
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#not tagging this properly so hopefully only my followers see this#i'm purposefully not adding super popular characters#i will say this though my jean idea is like so damn cute okay like#IT'S CUTE#I KNOW SHE'S NOT GOING TO WIN BUT IT'S A DAMN CUTE IDEA#I'VE SAT ON THIS IDEA FOR MORE THAN A YEAR#i have an idea for navia#but i dont have any ideas for the rest of the characters#after i finish this freminet fic i'll be out of longform wips so i need to build up my stash again#what can i say tho#uh...#ayato will probably be comedy#gaming will maybe be uh.......... hahahg-ratedomegaversehaha....#idk abt tighnari#albedo will probably be a fantasy!au or isekai or...... slice of life maybe?#chongyun will probably be angst#kaveh idk but i like bullying him#sethos idk either#furina will probably be angst or hurt/comfort#yae miko will be angst/drama probs#navia is romcom#jean is slice of life and pining#doesnt the jean one sound cute you guys should vote for it#no jk vote for whatever you like#i'm sorry there are no popular characters on here but like.....#i either dont know much about them (kinich). theyre overdone (alhaitham/wriothesley)#or i have no interest in them (wanderer/neuvillette/etc)#ooh come to think about it i should add the traveler#why no venti? i am already working on something for him#why not zhongli? bc i vowed to never write romance for him until i finish the bookkeeping!series
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28 for the ask game !!!!! ^_^
28: do you collect anything?
send me a number!! 💌
#also very fun conversation starters!!! i like to think it helps people get to know me a little#my favorite pairs rn are my spirited away soot sprite socks and my i need to pee socks#the soot sprite socks are knitted and the material is nice and breathable. and it has a cable knit along the middle its rly cute ^_^#the i need to pee socks is like this guy on a horse and hes holding a flag that says 'i need to pee.' and at the foot it says 'again'#that one is actually one out of three blue q socks which are probably my favorite brand cause theyre so silly and good quality#the other ones say pro wrestling!! why? because!! and these wrestlers beating each other up. on the sole it has a guy#saying somebody bring me a folding chair!! and the third one says 'i am going to get shit done' and on the sole it says 'later'#id love to get more blue q socks but theyre a little hard to find around here besides ordering online#i wear different funny socks every day of the week and its fun to see peoples look of delight when i show them#ask#ask game#answered#doodles#yapping
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Tag drop: Aventurine.
#[ aventurine. ] mr. cavalier gambler: uptight. overcautious. inferiority complex. you've won so much but you're still so afraid of losing.#[ aventurine: ic. ] they see only the straight flush. they don't know the other hand below the table clutching your chips for dear life.#[ aventurine: inquiries. ] time to make a move my friend. say goodbye before you shuffle off. it's… best to die without regrets.#[ aventurine: countenance. ] now go. and pick the clothes that you like. then choose your desired identity and use them well.#[ aventurine: introspection. ] “sleep is the rehearsal of death”? why does life slumber? because we are not ready for the final rest.#[ aventurine: meta. ] the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. but you've never gone in any other direction.#[ aventurine: etc. ] the chance… no matter how small: the potential is what you hang onto. that is what justifies the gamble.#[ aventurine: ipc. ] … i'll give you that and much more than that. the ipc will give you whatever you want. even what you don't want.#[ aventurine: trio. ] three cornerstones who for a measly penacony... offered their everything. you're more united than the family.#[ aventurine: astral express. ] friends: the game has commenced and you cannot choose to decline… nor do you have grounds to.#[ aventurine: fate. ] if the dice of fate are always weighted then that is our destiny. why then... do we struggle against it?#[ aventurine: past. ] our paths will cross again beneath kakava's shimmering auroras. farewell: kakavasha.#[ aventurine: luck. ] he's only drunk on the moment that makes his very life quiver. hell is only one decision away from heaven.#[ aventurine: topaz. ] since i survived i realized: wherever you go that's where i'll follow; nobody's promised tomorrow. [ immobiliter. ]#[ aventurine: topaz. ] i never expected the beautiful and kind-hearted director topaz to resort to distorting concepts like that.#[ aventurine: jade. ] it's often used as a counterfeit for jade. but it looks like jade… can be substituted for aventurine too.#[ aventurine: veritas ratio. ] unfortunately for him; i make for a more competent conversationalist than the other dimwits around here.#[ aventurine: black swan. ] nothing remains hidden from you… does it? i will find my place in the web of your schemes; memokeeper.#[ aventurine: sunday. ] is this what the harmony represents? is it built upon constraint and coercion?#[ aventurine: acheron. ] only by casting aside reason does one truly gamble. “emanator” — I know you'll match my wager.#[ aventurine: v. youth. ] but the sun could not kill me and the quicksand sent me back to the embrace of the guild and the ipc.#[ aventurine: v. penacony. ] i seem that way because i am nervous. maybe you can help. what do you say; put our palms together a last time?#[ aventurine: v. future. ] the once falling die has at last landed on its earthly rest. quietly… peacefully: it at last landed.#tag drop#[ aventurine: robin. ] you see people. / i see you. [ avaere. ]
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I think about that tiktok trend where you like paint your partners eye color on your nails or make a bracelet or something with the color a lot actually
#like its so cute honestly but sometimes i wonder how hard it would actually be to like find the right color match#maybe one day... but for now probably expect oc art with this trend in it maybe 💀#the thing about it too is i have like dark eyes and idk if ive ever seen like a dark brown nail polish. beads or thread yeah but ya#oh nvm i googled. it exists i just dont pay attention ig#OH you know what i can do... i can paint pepperonis eye color on my nails.... my baby... my kitty......#dude it feels like 5 am why is it only 2#amyways. 4 monsters was a big mistake i think... i feel quite icky...#it doesnt help i didnt eat for a majority of the day it was just monster. im really unhealthy. need water maybe#wait i was talking about nail polish how did i get here#i just want to actually do cute couple things. i must heal. im gonna be so healthy.#its fine. lmao. i just know im not ready#oh i did eat btw dont worry lmao i had. chicken nuggets#i actually have to eat more bc i need to gain back some weight or they wont let me donate plasma#my extra pokemon money..... nawr...#i dropped like 10 pounds. my current job is very physical. lots of scuttling around.#i thought about working out too? i had a short phase last year in like spring or something where i started doing workout type stuff#so like.. maybe. probably should. healtly mindset shit yk#i also maybe want some more clothes. like update my wardrobe a bit. really figure out my style.#like some cool shirts and maybe pants. cause i wear a lot of the same stuff#also again. dropped weight so. need better fitting pants.....#i want more mens pants. big pockets... gender....#anyways. nice chatting with you besties. love you guys my silly little tumblr besties.#some of you that follow this sideblog have supported me on here for a while. i see you. i appreciate you. thank you 💖#genuinely there are names that pop up and im like !! hello!!! its you!!!!!#you guys probably know who you are. go get yourself a little treat you deserve it. or like. idk what you enjoy.#play a good game. watch your favorite show. idk. be happy. love yourself.#this also goes out to those of you who are more passive on my blog. i appreciate you too!! thank you!#all my little tumblr followers.... my besties..... unles you are a bot i havent cleared out lmao#k i might have to go to bed idk im tired well see
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currently resisting the urge to start another Astarion or Gale origin run
i’m trying to establish a common timeline for their relationship for bloodweave fic writing reason
i’m just so obsessive about being accurate to canon in my writing even tho I know that technically there are different canon versions of their relationship
but like… there’s a reason why my name on Ao3 is canon_complient
i think i have a pretty good rough timeline worked out but i have to fact check myself and the wiki can only help me so much
#but i can’t be out here with 3 unfinished games#granted they’re all in act 3#but i still haven’t finished my first game with my tav#i’m very close tho#and in my Gale origin i’m almost just as far#my Astarion origin game is still at the beginning of act 3#but like >.>#i need to see some stuff from act 1 and 2 again#why am i like this lol#anyways…#Sophia talks too much#Astarion#Gale#Bloodweave
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