#why am I literally better at writing smut than fandom shit I am so confused

[markalwants-ass]

Put my OCs in situations

Was told about Sex Pollen and googled the definition and am unsure if this is exactly it? Anyway, whatever, here ya go @dilutedmayowater

[birlcholtz]

Fic Questions

tagged by @the-lincyclopedia thank you!! (fun game: watch my writing get progressively less formal as the post continues. by the end it’s like what is capitalization)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

77!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

434,378 as of this week but it does go up quite regularly

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Okay so in terms of what’s on my AO3, I have Check Please, All For the Game, Sharp Zero, HP, and Miraculous Ladybug. I also have The Forbidden LOTR and PJO Fanfiction (as in, I’ve written it, but it’s never seeing the light of day)

(technically there is a PJO fic out there that has seen the light of day but I orphaned it because I was tired of getting comments asking about when it would be updated)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

and then i met you (and the whole world changed)

for the better

Knew It Was You

come home (to you, to us)

sin bin schematics

All of these are Check Please and all of them except Knew It Was You are part of my Zimbits Airport AU!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! It’s actually a very recent thing that I’ve started not responding to literally every single comment. Mainly I respond because I love talking about my writing so I am going to seize that opportunity when it comes up

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, DEFINITELY Happy Birthday (HP). Check out that MCD tag ahah. (I say HP but what I really mean is that I write fic about Regulus Black. The Regulus Black-centric tag is my home in the HP fandom)

fun fact: this is a very short fic that I wrote when I was 15 and basically forgot about until recently, and then I reread it recently and went holy shit?? I pulled NO punches????

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the wildest one you’ve written?

Not a ton? I think a lot of the fandoms I write for don’t really mesh that well. That being said, the aforementioned orphaned PJO fic is actually a PJO/ML crossover, so there’s that

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope! Sometimes I get comments that are just.... really confusing? And a more common thing is that in my AFTG fic I’ll get comments from people who are so focused on Andreil (or the most common ships in general) to the point that like. they miss the point of what I actually wrote. Those are annoying but they’re not hate, they’re very enthusiastic, they’re just... enthusiastic about a story I’m not writing? So it’s a bit frustrating.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No sjflskgjhgf I struggle enough to write kissing, I think if I ever tried to write smut my brain would just shut down. I’ve managed some fade-to-blacks (which are mostly in WIPs that haven’t been posted) but they rely HEAVILY on the powers of implication

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, although I have occasionally made a brief go of it, not to post, more as an exercise for myself in a language that I’m learning. Anyway I never finish them so I’m gonna say no

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really? I’ve definitely group brainstormed fics and then written them (the best example of this being Q&A (AFTG), which was the product of a truly off-the-walls group chat), but I tend to do all the actual writing myself. I think the way I write would drive a co-writer up the wall since it’s very disorganized and I don’t write stuff down because ~I know what’s gonna happen I don’t need notes~ and it would infuriate me if I was co-writing with me lmao, so I won’t inflict that on someone else

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I regularly move through ships I’m SUPER focused on, like it’s kind of a rotation. I will forever and always ship Percabeth though.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Okay so if you follow me at @birlwrites you may know this already, but i have this ‘warmups’ document that is just like, random ideas i get that i don’t necessarily want to finish but i just want to try out for a bit? and i have a rule that once a ‘warmup’ is more than 10 pages long (so 11+) then it has to be moved to its own document, just to make scrolling through the warmups doc easier. but usually, a warmup only passes 10 pages when i’m INTO it. so i have a bazillion wips i will probably never finish. i complain about this a lot. i have so many wips. i don’t need more.

here’s one: it’s titled ‘interrobang doesn’t know they’re dating’, it’s basically a full outline for a chowder/tango fic and it would be SO cool if i could ever like. get around to writing it. but i am constantly swamped with writing projects, so it’s probably not gonna happen. if anyone’s interested in adopting it though i’d be down for that!! i think it’s a fun idea i just almost def won’t write it myself

15. What are your writing strengths?

SNAPPY DIALOGUE AND SNARKY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE. my writing is COMEDIC, 90% of my ideas are based on a funny snippet that popped into my head, a lot of my worldbuilding is based on ‘hey you know what would be hilarious’ (whenever i explain how larai selects a chosen one in the rainfall universe i start laughing, which is a STARK contrast to how it plays out on the page), i love writing funny stuff!!

also i think my writing sounds nice, a lot of the time i pick words/syntax based on sound and flow so there’s that too. and i have lots of ideas! i don’t struggle much with writer’s block because a) i have a lot of strategies to deal with it and b) i have a lot of ideas to help get around it/work with it

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

PHYSICAL INTIMACY LMAO, sometimes in my end notes on shippy fics you can see me complaining ‘it took me literally 4 hours to write that very brief kiss’. also sometimes the humor in my writing gets in the way a bit, i have to very consciously put it away so characters can actually have serious, genuine emotions. also i don’t like outlining and i tend not to get betas for fanfiction so like..... i do my best continuity-wise but having really tightly plotted stories is just not my focus lol. (and i do put more effort into that for original stuff, it’s just fic where i kind of go wild)

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If the reader’s supposed to know what it means, then writing it in another language is iffy for me. (stuff like terms of endearment which come up a lot in fic are fine imo, you can just put a note in to translate them and your reader will prob remember)

If the pov character isn’t supposed to understand it, and it doesn’t matter if the reader understands it, then ig it’s fine? but unless you already speak the other language (and i am NOT confident in my ability to translate english into literally any other language), then i think it’s way easier to just note that a character’s speaking x language and provide tone indicators, body language cues, etc. so the reader understands as much as the pov character.

That being said there are def times when it’s used super effectively--the dialogue in spanish in cemetery boys comes to mind! that’s not fanfic but it’s still creative writing so w/e

so i guess it comes down to: does actually writing out the dialogue in the other language serve a purpose? if it doesn’t, then you’re filling up the screen with words your reader isn’t likely to understand, which i try to avoid doing

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

so the first fandom i actually *wrote* for was PJO, but i distinctly remember creating warrior cats OCs when i was little. i never actually did anything w them but i had them and my favorite was a riverclan warrior named shellstream i remember this VIVIDLY

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

oh boy. okay so this is hard because i feel like i’m continuously improving as a writer. like in the sense that my writing is getting closer and closer to really matching my own taste? my favorites tend to always be my current projects as a result. and i do really love set those ghosts alight (HP) but it feels a little like cheating to say a fic i haven’t even finished writing yet. even though it’s def not cheating, that’s just the direction my brain is taking it.

i’m gonna say and then what? (OMGCP) because i’m super proud of the prose (especially ch 2 aka the first actual prose chapter), survived by (HP) for SUCCESSFULLY WRITING AN EMOTION and making readers cry :), and Q&A (AFTG) because i’m literally the one who wrote it and yet it still makes me wheeze. those are all fics i reread occasionally, because i’m big enough to admit i enjoy rereading my old stuff! (just like. to a point. some of my old stuff i can’t look at anymore because all the mistakes stick out to me like they have spotlights shining directly on them)

this was fun!! i’m gonna do an open tag because i just started my fall semester and brain tired. i know sometimes people see open tags and assume the op didn’t really mean it but I MEAN IT, PLEASE DO THIS AND TAG ME!!!!! YES YOU READING THIS

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot.  but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :(  -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

~

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛

[pinkletterday]

Writer's Year In Review

This year has been a revelation. I went from deeply, irrevocably believing I can't write fiction at all to knowing that I'm actually pretty good at it!

It's given me the confidence to find work as a freelance writer and editor in real life, after years of unemployment and anxious paralysis resulting from chronic illness and trauma. A lot of other factors also helped but the fic writing played a huge role in getting my shit together.

General Fic Stats:

Word Count on AO3: 92284

Fics posted to AO3: 23

Favourite Fic:

Kiss It Better (Westallen).This fic is my baby. I love little Iris and little Barry in it so much, the hurt and confusion in each other they attempted to heal, how that healing carried into their adult love and family. It will always and always be my favourite thing I have ever written. Wee!stallen is my jam, and the reason I ship them so damn hard.

Do Not Go Gentle (Westallen). Ngl, I love this for the sheer amount of truly gratifying comments. Every single one of them have been emotional and flaily. It all makes me feel like I may have finally levelled up. Hallelujah. xD

Funniest Fic:

The Care and Feeding (Queenwestallen). This is my ultimate OT3. This fic, written as a list and discussion is 95% humour and contains some of my best banter and (I feel) characterization. An element I'm really proud of is how I managed to center and include all their important non-romantic relationships in their conversations. Iris's boisterous female friends, Oliver's friends, Cisco and Caitlin's snarky commentary all shoehorned themselves into the list with hilarious and wholesome results. 

It's not a popular OT3 but I feel like it's a good first attempt to drag this ship to water. xD

Cutest Fic:

Dancing Queen (Olivarry). Even after a year this contiues to be the fic with the highest kudos ratio (except for the more recent one) and the second most bookmarked. I love getting comments on this because they are all some variation of "my teeth hurt. I have diabetes!" xD Well, I did build it around a rainbow sprinkle icing sugar donut, but there is a significant dollop of angst there in the middle. A flangst donut.

Your Vigil In My Keeping (Westallen). This fic has less than 200 hits but has the highest kudos ratio of all. I guess kid fic isn't everyone's cup of tea, but Wee!stallen is cute af yo. I headcanon the origins of Barry and Iris's steadfast partnership in this story, where her faith and belief in him is as strong as his protectiveness of her, all tied up in the language and innocence of children.

Kinkiest Fic:

WA Smut and Kink Collection. I literally just posted this yesterday lol. So far it's just a face-sitting short, but I have quite a few hard and soft kinks lined up. Westallen needs more hard smut tbh, and they have such a unique powerfully loving dynamic that every kink I'm writing has required me to come at it a little bit sideways with a whole lot of emotional focus.

Saddest Fic:

Three fics I can't choose from.

Do Not Go Gentle (Westallen). This is basically Iris's grief and fear in a raging tempest, and it's strongly implied that the future Nora has warned them of will come to pass regardless of what they do. The fact is that there already is and will be a timeline where Iris loses Barry, just as there must be one where she won't, because that is the nature of potentiality. 

The Paradigm of Uncertainty (Westallen). This was a drabble almost, that ruminates on the probability that speedsters do not erase timelines but abandon them, along those versions of their loved ones. It's as @rkwago's brilliant comment says: "Iris hurts in so many weird, cosmic ways that her life is almost an eldritch horror house," which is the most perfect description ever of what it means to be a time traveller's wife.

The Universal Constant (Gen, background WA). A lot of people find the way Barry goes off on Joe cathartic in this fic, and so do I. But it's not so simple. I don't think Joe was wrong to form the views he did, or that anyone was in the wrong really. As @sophiainspace pointed out, it's a mediation of grief and love, their parallels and continuations between parents and children and lovers. The fact that it takes Henry's death for Barry to find the adult language to articulate to Joe why he will always believe in his father's innocence is a tragedy that cuts three ways.

(This fic is also the reason I have a folder in my drive marked "how to get away with murder" and probably a likely reason to get me arrested one day. xD)

Most Popular Fic:

Strangers In The Cold (Coldflash). The Coldflash fandom is a joy to feed. This was my first smut fic which was preceded by an entire chapter of banter about nothing in particular (except it ended up establishing a background that gave birth to the Coldflash vs Olivarry polyam series) And holy wow, for a newbie writer, the response has been amazing. Looking back, I wince at a lot of writing mistakes and its undeniably rough, but it really bolstered my confidence.

(I feel a little guilty that all my other CF stories are still in my WiP folder while I update the polyam series at snail's pace.)

The Shape of Us (Westallen). I wrote this on tumblr half-asleep one night, half as a rambly headcanon...and woke up to literally one hundred freaking notes. What the hell. Now at over 260, it's the most popular fic I've ever posted on tumblr.

I never consciously intended it to be a body-positivity fic but apparently women really relate to the insecurities of growing older and watching our bodies change with marriage, children and the sheer hectic pace of life. Even my non-fandom friends reblogged it simply for its representation of "real women". Barry's response is my own wish fulfillment fantasy; the sort of total acceptance and validation that we wish we could hear it the times we can't find it in ourselves. In light of the virulent body-shaming Candice Patton has been subjected to ever since she was revealed to have gained a fuller figure in S5, I'm very glad to have written it.

Least Popular Fic:

Carry On (Gen) This character study of Oliver Queen only has 135 hits a year after posting, which is par for the course with gen. But has a solid 12% kudos ratio, which means it's probably as good as I think it is. It's one of my favourite and easiest fics I have ever written.

Love Me Like You Do (Olivarry) Lordy, if my first Coldflash smut filled me with confidence, my first Olivarry smutfic all but ruined it. I struggled with it for a long time, unlike SitC, which I suppose shows in the over-descriptions. I got carried away with the quipping and I guess Barry topping at all is really not popular with slash fans?

Still, I'm honestly toying with the idea of deleting and rewriting it. At least it was a learning experience - don't write smut unless it makes you feel horny yourself.  

Most Challenging Fic:

Do Not Go Gentle (Westallen). I think the reason stories you knock off in two hours are instantly popular while the ones you slaved over for weeks barely get any attention is because the process is reflected in the ease of reading. But this one is an exception. It was an absolute monster, taking three weeks and several revisions to wrestle into submission - and it paid off in spades!  Going by the response, I seem to have achieved the wow factor I was going for.

My only regret is that I posted it on tumblr before the last revision that finally made it work, so that too many readers saw the lacklustre version rather than the polished one.

Honorable Mention:

A Stitch In Time (Olivarry for now, eventual Queenwestallen) Baby's first multi-chapter! Admittedly chapters 3 and 4 have been languishing in my drive for a few months now and this thing has 100% more deleted scenes and outtakes posted to my tumblr than the actual story on AO3. But I'm so proud of it! I learned to write action scenes because of it, how to write climaxes, dream sequences, news articles and tell a story in several different formats. It made me rediscover my empathy for Felicity and write her as a PoV character, think deeply on Laurel Lance's losses and give voice to her struggles, and explore how a real friendship and understanding could evolve between Oliver and Iris out of their mutual love for Barry. (Centering female characters within manpain narratives, ftw! Otoh, I centered Iris so much it veered off the Olivarry rails into Queenwestallen territory on its own)

There is so much meaty conflict and delicious looming disaster in this story that I'm determined going to keep at it, even if slow and steady. If only to bring the light of Barry/Iris/Oliver into the world. xD

Holding On (Olivarry). This real-world disability AU deals with chronic and mental illness and the precariousness and personal demons of that reality. I tore out the rawest parts of my life for this fic and put them on display so that I couldn't bear to show it to anyone for a year after it was written.

I'm very glad I did finally brush it off and put it up because it has struck a chord with so many people, especially other Spoonies. The low number of hits on a fic that deals in hurt/comfort rather stings, as I can't help but think the disinterest is because of the "disability" and "neurodivergence" tags. But I still think it's one of the best things I've written and one I'll always be proudest of.

General Reflections:

Things I've learned over the past year of writing:

- Self-deprecation is not my friend. I need to be honest enough with myself to acknowledge when my writing is good, because either I self-validate and build confidence or I become a black hole of insecurity where validation goes to die. And if I think I'm a bit better than I actually am, it's not just okay but necessary to believe it.

- What I call writer's block is perfectionism, anxiety and physical and mental fatigue. If I don't eat, sleep, hydrate and acheive a relaxed mental state, I won't be able to write. 

- Momentum is more my friend than any amount of inspiration and motivation. Sitting my ass down and make it a habit to churn out X number of words a day, even bad writing, will do more to help me than polishing an idea to a high shine. 

- If I don't forgive myself for the stories I can't write I'll never write anything. I am doing this for free, to share the love and joy and therefore obligated to no one. 

- I'm capable of writing things I don't have the first idea how to write. My fingers on a keyboard can paint the picture my brain can't visualize. 

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I am going to make it a personal goal to write at least 15k words per month, learn to stick to a posting schedule where possible.  and end next year with an additional 150k words posted. 

To everyone who follows this blog, commented, reblogged and liked my posts - I see and remember and appreciate every one of you. You're the reason I feel seen and valued and why I am motivated to keep writing through all the difficulties life throws at me. <3<3<3

[courtanie]

Submission from anonymous

Hey dude, is it okay if I post a review of one of your ficts on your tumblr? I don’t have an account on ff.net and I honestly don’t want to if there’s an option to reach you elsewhere anyway.. cause point is I’m not really into fandoms or ships or smut or fanart, this ain’t really my cup of tea, but I really like the idea of fanfiction. I guess what irks me in other fanforms is the lack of exploration of the source material? Lack of critical input? I’m not sure and honestly I don’t think too much about it, but I love storytelling above all and it’s great to know that there are places out there where people build communities based on free world building.. you know what I mean? And I won’t lie and say that such a wild and unkept environments bring out only the best out of people, because really, the world of fanfiction (at least as much as i had seen..which ain’t much) is fulled with folks that use is to serve their own fantasies rather than valuing cohersive writing or um..sometimes logic? And that can be so morbidly fascinating and at the same time.. off putting.. to me? I’m not writing this to be a dick and I’m really sorry if it comes over as such, I’m sorta struggling to explain why I’m even reading it if the first thing I’m stating is that I’m not into this stuff.. oh yeah, fuck it, back on track- It’s so fascinating with what kind of stuff people come up with, truly astonishing, things I wouldn’t have thought of in my life for better or worse and the thing that surprises me the most is when I open up a story as a joke, just because i thought the premise sounds so ridiculously it ought to be entertaining in some way- and am consequently blown away by how well it is written. A thing that only fanfiction can do to me- use my predjustices against me and punishes me with good fortune. I never thought reading about a fairly punching another fairy in the mouth would make me so happy but here I am, nooding approvingly out of shock (and some satisfaction too I’d say). It’s soooo impressive how much thought you put into this Dude! Fucking went and invented a language for them! Jesus Christ- I know so little professional writers that would do that..

So much detail, but not enough to be overwhelming, enough to keep the characters grounded. Enough development of the world to feel the realism creep onto the character with a steady persistent pacing, enough room the breathe and how much the humor contrasts it is wonderful and the fact that it derives so much out of the characters themselves makes them fell much more independent to me.

I’m not a native english speaker (so sorry for bad and confusing grammar) and recently moved to another country I barely speak the language of and certain things in the story hit home. I’m so so impressed by your research for it. Just take my word for it that you’re writing the dialogue (or the content of it?) really well and organically, not childish at all. Fact is, when you adapt to a new language you need to step a few steps back in order to be able to follow the path. You gotta hold yourself back so often it feels like you loosing on credibility and everyone sees you as a child of sort, and you know you can give much more, can show much more and just know much more that you are able to be but cant for the time being. And you wonder if you’ll ever come that far to be able to express what you want, and you start doubting yourself if you truly do know what you think you know or did your frustration get the best of you. It’s hard to explain, all the new and old information gets mixed together and it gets kind of hard to keep track of it you know? The things you were certain off, become or seem useless and the things that are new and incomprehensible become like a key of survival.. but you need more time, you need to wait.

Ramble, ramble, ramble. This was just meant to be a bit of encouragment, but of course I rambled into oblivion.Hope it’s not too awkard :) but I really enjoyed Glass and I’m gonna check for updates here and there, just don’t overwork yourself- It’s too sad to see when people get overrun by their own work especially if it is meant for enjoyment and relaxation.

If you find any of the above info usefull feel free to use it, you don’t need to post this ..um..submission(?) I just wanted to post my compliments, you’ve fished yourself a fish out of water. I probably won’t change anything about my fanfiction habits (that is, skipping trough it twice a year when I remember that it exist..) but it feel good to know that people are being creative out there and are getting so good at it as well. Seeing talented people in any field is such joy, as a hobby or profession, it doesn’t matter, It is so good to know that there are so many passionate people scattered around the world ,hidden, doing what they love.

Enjoy your day, xoxo

Hi sorry I know you said I don’t need to post this but okay I do I have no other way to reply to you

There was literally nothing better in the world I could’ve woken up to today holy crap I am legitimately crying happy tears right now. Like I am all but speechless and trying desperately to figure out how to express how appreciative I am for this.

Glass is like, my ultimate pet project. I have others that I’ve been working on that I enjoy a little more, but when it comes down to it, nothing takes more of my effort than Glass’ worldbuilding, so getting any kind of advice or criticism or praise on certain elements really means the world to me. You have no idea how long I waited for someone to talk about the “child” talk. Literally no idea. I was literally BEGGING people to comment on it, to tell me if I’m way off course for how situations like that would play out. No one would help me at all despite the number of readers I have over two sites. You cannot imagine the relief I felt from your words here. I’ve been carrying that stress for months and it’s just nice to know it was carried for nothing more than my own anxieties. Considering I only took two years of a foreign language about ten years ago, I don’t really have a lot of memories on how it played out other than hating the course. (I have my sources who are a lil more practiced in the language field but lol I’m awful about asking for help)

But either way, thank you. Holy shit thank you SO much for this. Ngl I saw ‘submission from anonymous’ in my email and immediately groaned like “jfc it’s another goddamn spam link”. So my glee here is just expressed tenfold from the utter surprise of it all. Also can I say I loved you opened it as a joke. I jump back and forth between treating it like a joke for myself and being super cereal so I totally get coming at it from that angle.

(Also, there’s ArchiveofourOwn that posts fanfiction and has a bit of a nicer comment interface in case you run into this problem again with someone else’s fics and not knowing where to post them, and you don’t need an account to review)

All that aside, thank you again. This just... it really made my day. I may come home and work on the next chappie a lil more after work this just boosted my confidence in the project like no other so thank you.

[distant-rose-archive-blog]

I loved your fic rec posts and reviews for captain swan. I'm just wondering if you have a top writer list or something (like you automatically feel the need to read them if you see them post) and if you do, who is on it...

Hi! Thank you for the kind words. I do spend a lot of time and effort when I do get asked to rec things mainly because if I’m rec’ing someone or something, it’s because I love them and want to give them the praise and attention they deserve. With that being said, I’m always surprised how many notes my rec posts do get because I am virtually no one in this fandom. Literally a nobody. So when people ask for my opinion on things, I’m always flattered, surprised and very confused. Like now.

But anyway, I’m guessing that you’re asking who my favorite authors for Captain Swan are, and yes, I do have favorites. Please note that there are a wealth of amazing authors out there who put out brilliant fics and might deserve to be on this list, but those are the ten who come to mind. This is just the personal favorites of a fandom nobody. So without further ado, Rose’s favorite Captain Swan authors are as follows:

@welllpthisishappening​ | AO3 | Favorite Story: You Play Ball Like a Girl

She only has a few things posted right now, but so much coming in the works - all of it is just fantastic. She enjoys sending me on emotional rollercoasters and messing with my feels. As mentioned before, she’s one of my many true loves and writes epic sports fic that is both knowledgeable and realistic. (I will never get over her referring to Derek Jeter’s walkup in You Play Ball Like a Girl because that was the moment I realized she was my soulmate.) Regardless of whether it’s Captain Swan fanfiction, a story involving two idiots and a broken down amusement park or a huge epic fantasy romance involving time manipulation, I will fucking read her work and you should too.

@technicallysizzlingcloud​ | Favorite Story: Mawaige

Words cannot describe the quality of her work. The English language simply doesn’t have any word to truly convey the sheer amount of talent she has. The only way I can describe it is absolutely fantastic and that isn’t good enough. Honestly, the genre of her work varies, she doesn’t have a niche genre, but fuck me, she’s good at it all – pregnancy fic, angst, hurt and comfort, missing scenes, etc., etc. You name it and she can write a fucking masterpiece. There’s just so emotion that she conveys her fics and they also feel grounded in a way the show isn’t. A lot of her stories have become my personal headcanons. Her work is just a joy to read.

@unfolded73​ | AO3 | Favorite Story: Scent

Do you know how hard it was for me to pick out a favorite story for her? Pretty fucking hard. Like it’s basically a multiway tie between Scent, What Comes Next, New Babies Smell Amazing, Sex Ed and Another New York City Serenade. It’s just wonderful to read her interpretation of Killian and Emma because even when there’s conflict and/or angst, they’re still so loving and understanding of one another. It just slays me. Also, her smut is fantastic and she does write a lot of it. (I am not complaining in the slightest.) Furthermore, I love the way she writes the relationship between Killian and Henry. There are authors who add him as a footnote to their CS fics and she incorporates him well.

@sambethe​ | AO3 | Favorite Story: Casual Fridays

There’s no other way to put this, so I’m just going to say it plainly but sambethe is without a doubt one of my favorite smut authors. Not that all of her work is smut, because it isn’t but she’s just so excellent at it that it needs to be said. Anyway, on top at being epic at writing sex scenes, she writes one of the best interpretations of Emma Swan I’ve ever seen. Her Emma is closed off and on-guard but not unfeeling. While this seems like such a minor thing, it’s a huge deal because I’ve read a lot of really cold and basically unfeeling Emma’s in my fanfiction days. Hers is perfect; Emma still has her walls, but they always, realistically, come crumbling down. So yeah, come to her for smut and realistically done Emma.

@peglegsjones​ | AO3 | Favorite Story: I belong to you, you belong to me

Hands down probably one of the best kid fic authors out there. I don’t even know why I try to make a niche in the genre, because she perfectly meets the quota. I try to stay away from fully realized child original characters because I’m a horrible cunt and I’m like “yeah, but my babies” but her children are delightful and I’m content to live with the idea that her universe lives beside mine in a Jimmy Neutron/Timmy Turner kinda way if that makes any sense at all. Might be dating myself there. Anyway, her universe is delightful and creative, and I always look forward to reading more about Ian. If you haven’t read her work and enjoy child fic, then I don’t know where you’ve been hiding and you need to rectify it immediately. (Also I’m pretty sure if Ian and Wes officially met, they would destroy the world and Harrison would have an aneurysm.)

@acrobat-elle​ | AO3 | Favorite Story: Breathless

This is another author who I struggled with finding a favorite story for because she has a lot of amazing work. Make a Wish, Possession and Touch could have easily been in that favorite story spot instead of Breathless. Elle’s a triple threat. Like a lot of people on this list, she writes ridiculously good smut, but she’s also fantastic at writing angst and fluff. There isn’t a single story in her archive that wouldn’t recommend and I’m eagerly waiting to see how Harbor in the Tempest is going to end. (No pressure or anything. Take your time.) I don’t know what else to say other than she’s fantastic and you should stop just taking my word for it and just got read her fics.

@lenfaz​ | AO3 | Favorite Story: Separate Lives

Without a doubt one of my favorite alternate reality writers with multiple great works. Separate Lives is a masterpiece without question, but Private Dancer, The Pirate Chef, Old Habits Die Hard and The Rembrandt Files definitely deserve honorable mentions because I also adore those stories. The worlds she creates for her stories are clever, creative and honestly, just to a joy to immerse yourself in. She knows how to carry a story, which as more than I can say for some published authors who will start a story than it putters out and dies. Her stories are incredible consistent and my brain thanks her for it. Anyway, I am forever in love with her work and I’m currently following Time upon Once and you should to.

@justanotherwannabeclassic​ | AO3 | Favorite Story: Roses in December

Another queen of fluff and angst that I love. If you haven’t read Roses in December or Bloom, then you need to get the fuck off my page and go read them. Legit. They’re some of my favorite stories and as I mentioned before (I think?) I’m super picky about child fic and stuff. She has a lot of wonderful domestic focused stories that are so sweet that your teeth will rot out. I also have a great fondness for Lobbying, which I read right after the American Election to feel better about the bullshit happening in my home country. She’s definitely someone whose writing you want to read after having a shit day.

@this-too-too-sullied-flesh​ | AO3 | Favorite Story: Theoretically

Another author who writes some pretty amazing and wonderfully dirty filth. (I feel like I’ve been too honest about how much smut I read and now everyone is going to think it’s all I read. It isn’t, I promise.) Once again, that’s not all she writes and she does some amazing fluff pieces but she has blown my mind and caused many an evil grin to spread across my face in public spaces and make the fiancé nervous. While Theoretically is definitely at the top of my list, I feel compelled to also point out The Next Wounded Soul, A Good Man is Hard to Find, Miles to Go Before I Sleep and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LOSER (I debated whether or not to put that in caplocks but the original title is in caps so why not.)

@killians-dimples​ | AO3 | Favorite Story: Put Me in Coach, I’m Ready to Play

Okay, if Laura made me fall in love with baseball!Killian, this chick with “put me in coach, I’m ready to play” made me want more of it. It’s literally one of my favorite stories of all time and is on my other rec list. With that being said, her brilliance goes beyond this one story and she has a very versatile selection of genres for you to read. I have a particular fondness for Sin Bin, and not just because it’s Jessica Jones inspired. Anyway, she got a super rude anon the other day about her writing taking the backseat and her “used to be so prolific and now [she’s] not,” which pissed me off because 1) she’s allowed to live her goddamn life and 2) she’s still in my top ten so that anon can rightly fuck off.