#why am I awake plz end my suffering
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bones4thecats · 6 months ago
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It is currently 3:54 in the morning where I'm at and I haven't slept one bit.
I have literally been sitting in my bed for over 5 hours reading a bunch of fanfic, listening to music, and watching maybe to much youtube. I need to set up a medical appointment soon, suspecting I have a hormonal issue that is making my 'times of the week' a lot more difficult to bear. By that, I mean by I don't get them for almost 1/2 of a year, and when they return they are a son of a fucking bitch to handle. Basically, cramps have kept me up and I just wanted something to do out of sheer boredom.
Anyways, I have a surprise coming out here soon. It's about requests and my fandoms. So, stay tuned. Y'know what screw it I'll just announce it now.
(I'm literally pouring what I'm thinking onto my keyboard and on this post so bear with the confusion and small rant plz)
Now to the surprise. I am possible
Hint the word
POSSIBLY
adding two previous fandoms back onto this list. While the names are not going to be revealed yet, I will make the post tags lists and the characters as well and have the announcement with their names come out right before posting them.
Also, I am posting a couple things from my Upcoming Pieces List because I have been needing to get that thing trimmed down for a while but have been busy with having requests come through first.
Okay I'm gonna make this quicker because my pelvic area feels like it wants me to suffer the physical amount of pain that I felt after watching Optimus die in the og series' movie.
These parts'll come out here soon and I will end up releasing a monthly schedule that shows days I plan on having requests open and I'll probably have vacation days on there as well. P.S: be aware that I may be posting random shit about 'The Dark Crystal'
Idk why but I watched a video made by TheOdd1sOut and have practically fallen head-over-heals for the movie. I literally saw the puppets and went 'childhood nostalgia: unlocked'. You guys should also go check out TheOdd1sOut, the guy is a boss when it comes to making entertaining content for somebody like me to watch. I watched like 3 minutes of his review of 'The Dark Crystal' movie from 1982 and went;
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Just a heads up! Now, enjoy the rest of your morning/nights. Idk where y'all live so pick one ig... I need some goddamn sleep... if anyone has a solution to a comfortable sleeping position when on your period please leave a comment for me to see because I NEED THE REST. MY SLEEP SCHEDULE IS SHITTING BUT THIS IS WORSE THAN NORMAL.
Or if you have another over the counter medication name that helps with periods (other than Midol, I need to get more soon)
Thanks y'all for listening to me half-awake and painfully-not-thought-through announcement!! Love you guys to bits!!!
Btw here's a link to TheOdd1sOut in case you do wanna check his videos out;
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starswornoaths · 6 years ago
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On Names and the Ties that Bind
Early in their courtship, Aymeric and Serella have a...strange discussion on the topic of marriage.
Or: neither of them knows what they’re doing but they’re pretty sure this isn’t how the topic should be brought up.
(For timeline’s sake, this takes place only just after the Warriors of Darkness arc, but before everything with Baelsar’s Wall and the end of Heavensward)
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There was always another letter to respond to, Aymeric thought to himself, eyeing the stack of letters that had just been delivered to his desk with about the same level of open contempt he’d typically reserved for an enemy on the battlefield. Though if he were to truly dwell on it, he hardly viewed either overly different from the other on his best days.
“Shame, really,” Serella commented, clucking her tongue. “You’d just finished that whole pile of documents, too.”
Aymeric spared her a sidelong glance, his expression softening. She gave him a sympathetic smile, her hands stilled in their tinkering with whatever contraption she had hauled from the Skysteel Manufactory this time.
“’Tis more bearable with you here.” He admitted, returning his attention to the newly acquired pile of envelopes and reaching for the first one.
“Fortunate for you, then, that I had no other plans today.” Serella gave a thoughtful hum, even as she went back to her fiddling.
“Fortunate indeed.” He agreed with a quiet chuckle, envelope opener cleanly slicing through the wax seal with practiced precision.
The clicking of her screwdriver working a gear into place became the only white noise in the room once more as he opened the folded letter. He let out a thoughtful hum as he read the header—he was faintly familiar with the house crest on the stationary, but what would they want with—
Reading barely two sentences in, and it became clear exactly what this was: a proposal to discuss marriage between himself and someone of the house.
Setting it to the side, he let out a huff of irritation and took to the second envelope—surely ‘twas the only one this time, he hoped beyond hope.
A second house, petitioning to meet with him and discuss— amongst other things, admittedly— a potential marriage arrangement. And though he noted sourly that at least this one deigned to acknowledge that he was currently ‘in the midst of a dalliance’ — a dalliance! The nerve!  — as the letter worded it, they also found it perfectly acceptable to comment that it was, ‘hardly a detriment to his possible eligibility, as mistresses were a common and expected stipulation to a potential marriage.’
At that, Aymeric frowned deeply but opted not to comment on it. He set the second offer on top of the first and moved on to the next envelope.
He had never been more relieved to see a tax proposal—nor had he ever so enthusiastically signed one before then. Putting it in a fresh envelope and creating his own wax seal was an almost outright jovial experience, because it was not another marriage offer.
But the envelope after that one, unfortunately, was.
Without meaning to, Aymeric let out a noise of disgust as he added it to the others without more than a passing glance—though the words, ‘additional mistress’ did not escape his attention. Serella looked up at the noise, and he couldn’t help the minor moment of guilt he felt—she’d been working, he didn’t mean to interrupt her.
“Trouble?” Serella asked him with a tilt of her head.
“After a fashion.” Aymeric answered, leaning back in his chair. He pressed his fingers against his temple, hoping a migraine was not forthcoming despite the ache that had begun to present itself. “Trouble I had hoped would eventually stop.”
“Is it something I could help with?” She offered, lowering the device she had been working on, her hands stilling.
He considered—he certainly did not want to hide anything involved in this, as it would be foolish to; she had known of these thrice damned offers since before they had even considered one another friends, so it would likely not surprise her to know they still persisted. Rather than let it fester until something unnecessarily dramatic came about, talking on it now would be good, he decided— he could better understand her position on the matter.
“House of Lords giving you trouble?” She ventured when he did not provide a further explanation.
“In a sense.” He sighed and let his hand fall back upon the desk. “Forgive me, I do not intend to be vague,” he gestured to the pile of letters. “Ever these have vexed me, I am accustomed to it.”
“So...marriage proposals?” Serella asked after a moment of studying him, voice thick with sympathy.
“Kindling.” Aymeric answered darkly.
“Marriage proposals.” She affirmed to herself with a nod.
Truly, they were nothing new, not even to her; in the time she spent alongside him, even as naught more than acquaintances when she was newly come to Ishgard, he had received offers of marriage on a somewhat regular — if slow going — basis. With his new position as the Lord Speaker, however, those offers seemed to only increase as the weeks wore on, much to his chagrin.
“They would not bother me quite so much, were we not…” Aymeric cut himself off, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sucked a breath through his teeth. “Forgive me, I need not vent to you about this, of all things.”
“It bothers you.” Serella said, setting her work in her pack and turning her undivided attention to him. “So if you want to talk about it, then so do I.”
Lowering his hands into his lap, he looked at her, at the way she sat with her head tilted in interest, brow furrowed in concern, and felt whatever frustration he had leave his shoulders entirely. She cared, he had to firmly remind himself; in regards to companions— even courtships, the concept was one he still had to get used to outside of his immediate circle of subordinates.
“I know we have only scarcely begun—” his cheeks faintly flushed in spite of himself. “—courting.” She nodded, her lips tugging into a soft smile. “And ‘twas not as though I expected such letters to simply go away because I am now spoken for.” He gave her a small but genuine smile. “Rather happily, I should add.”
“Well, that part’s a relief, at least.” Serella breathed a laugh, though her concern still showed on her face. “But I’m guessing they haven’t let up.”
“They have not.” His frown returned. “I am unsure if I would be more upset if they did not acknowledge our relationship and merely continue on as they always have, but…” Her eyes watched the way his hand clenched his quill. “But that they insult you with these proposals—“
“Wait, wait,” Serella held a hand up. “How are they insulting me?” She did not seem angry. Merely…perplexed. “I’m not really involved in the whole thing.”
“Many of the offers I have so generously been given of late have acknowledged that I am currently with you,” he paused, clearly conflicted in going on.
“Ah,” She sighed as it all clicked into place. “So they’re offering marriage, with the understanding that I could still be your mistress.” When Aymeric looked up at her in surprise, she shrugged. “I get it, the offer is brazenly arrogant and gross, but that’s just,” she gestured vaguely with her hand. “A nobility thing. Doesn’t just happen in Ishgard.”
“You speak as though you have come across it often.”
“Not where I’ve been involved— that’s a bit of a first, I’ll admit,” Serella waved a hand dismissively. “But I’m commissioned for engagement rings an awful lot of the time. And I’ve gotten plenty of requests for, ‘can you add a third ring that’s less ornate than the other two so the concubine doesn’t feel left out’ types.” She mockingly pitched her voice higher to mimic the nobles she was commissioned by, pursing her lips in obvious displeasure. “And more often than not, they’d demand a refund because surprise! People don’t like being belittled—even less so when their actual lover is being belittled alongside them.”
“Forgive me,” Aymeric murmured sadly, eyes downcast. “I had never wanted you to be dis—“
“Dear one, I don’t give one fig what the nobility say about me— here, or elsewhere.” She stood and walked around to his side of the desk. She leaned the back of her thighs against it, smiling gently at him as she reached over and laid a hand atop his. “I’m just sorry they’re still hounding you. You clearly don’t want their advances.” Though he laced his fingers with hers still he could not quite ease the knot that had formed in his breast. “Something’s still troubling you.”
Ever the observant one, he noted with infinite fondness.
“I suppose.” He admitted, offering her a small, tired smile through a sidelong glance.
“Is it something I can help with?” She asked.
“Perhaps. I do wonder,” Aymeric paused, debating on if it would even help with the strange tangle of concern that had firmly lodged itself in his chest. “What do you think of marriage?” He wound up blurting out, his thoughts tangling the intent of his words. “Or rather, the idea of marriage, I should say.”
To her credit, she did not gawk at him, even if the surprised of the question was evident on her face.
“Given you’re not one for idle musings on such things,” Serella began slowly, her tone even. “I’m guessing you mean a marriage between you and I?”
Painfully aware that he had now well and truly stuck his foot in his mouth, he nodded. She mulled it over in her head for a moment, and he was suddenly anxious of her answer; would she have an expectation that he would not be comfortable meeting— or worse, would he find out that she was not interested in something long term with him? The thought of either being the case made his stomach twist unpleasantly.
“I mean, it’s entirely too early to seriously consider it.” She said after a moment, shaking her head.
“I agree.” He  said, and let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, relieved that she felt as he did in that regard, at least. “I am merely curious on your perspective of it.”
“That’s fair,” She conceded with a nod. “Since we are discussing a possible  marriage later,” she paused to mull it over, though after another moment she simply shrugged. “I admit, I find the idea nice, but ultimately unnecessary.”
“Unnecessary?” Aymeric asked, a bit surprised.
“It’s just,” Serella paused and tilted her head as though deciding what to say. “I am fairly certain that my mother didn’t use her last name when we were kids—we were just ‘the Arcbane house,’ but,” she paused, lifting her head to look out of the large windows behind his desk. “But they didn’t wear rings, never had an anniversary. I don’t know if they ever got legally married. And yet…”
“And yet...?” Aymeric pressed gently, giving her hand a small squeeze.
“And yet, I remember how they adored each other.” She began slowly, her voice growing soft in remembrance. “I remember Da singing to Ma all the time,” her eyes glazed over in warm nostalgia that he would never know. She looked at him again. “He had a bad leg, but whenever she was upset, he’d start to dance slowly around the kitchen with her and serenade her, and they’d always be smiling by the end of it.” Her smile grew infinitely fond. “I remember Ma would always help him move around, and when he would feel particularly down about himself, she’d brew him a cup of tea and curl up with him by the fire, and they’d just whisper to one another all night.” She shrugged again. “I may not know if they were married, but would marriage change how much they clearly loved each other? Does it matter?”
“I confess, I have no experiences of my own to draw from.” Aymeric answered, his voice as quiet as hers.
“The Borels were not affectionate?”
“They may well have been, in their youth.” Aymeric answered, looking back at his desk, at the papers still strewn about it, and found it greatly resembled his thoughts in that moment. “But by the time they had adopted me, they were older, more sickly.” He paused, frowning. “I do not remember them as not affectionate— merely tired.”
“I’m sure they loved you.” Serella reassured him with a bright smile. “Even when they were tired and sick, I’m sure they loved you— and each other.”
“You seem confident.” He mused, though he could feel the smile forming on his lips.
“I speak only from knowing you, dear one.” She leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead. “So yes, I am confident.”
Warmth flooded his chest at the gesture and his smile grew wide even as he ducked his head back toward the remaining paperwork on his desk.
Though even through the happiness and the soft words...something niggled in his mind. He could not place it, necessarily, but there was certainly something that was bothering him, even if he could not put it into words. This was all uncharted territory in the mapping of his own heart, and though he was glad to finally be able to work through it, discovering how little he knew himself was more than a little concerning.
“So shall I file away marriage as a, ‘perhaps,’ for us?” Aymeric asked in a tone he hoped passed as playful.
“That seems a sound conclusion.” Serella said with an amused laugh. “Though if we were to decide to get married one day,” She noted, pulling herself out of her own reverie. “I would rather we had some form of prenuptial agreement beforehand.” She paused, tilting her head. “That way, what finances and assets we both had remained separate from the start.” He must not have caught his surprise quick enough to not show it on his face, because she waved the hand not holding his. “I don’t need to know the specifics of your finances to know we both have enough of our own. And were things to ever sour, I would not want estates to be the reason we bitterly remained together.”
She didn’t even want him for his money, then, he noted—though now that the topic was brought up, he found it hardly surprising; he had known her long enough to know she cared little for it, and had enough of her own saved besides.
Still, the innocuous comment seemed to pull particularly hard at that little bit of the tangled thread of feelings still jumbled inside his head. Where he had been unable to place what was making him feel such unease, the topic brought to light a lingering question, one that had evidently been creeping in the deepest pit of his heart all the while, but only just know whispered in his ear: then what worth have I to her?
“I,” he fumbled, his tongue darting out to wet his lips briefly. The frustration that had burned in his chest at receiving yet more of those damnable proposals gave way to a tangle of emotions he had not realized he had been ignoring. He quietly wondered how long they had been there, and he had simply buried them. Discussing the offers of marriage—and marriage itself—forced him to contemplate more than one thing that he was swiftly realizing he was uncertain of. It felt like he had been knocked on the back foot by the surprising turn in discussion, in a sense, and he found himself unsure of what had led her heart to want him, if not for power or wealth.
“Whatever it is, you can talk to me about it, if you’re comfortable.” Serella gently coaxed him, her thumb lightly stroking his knuckles, her smile soft as gossamer.
“Why are you with me?” Aymeric finally asked. The moment the words left his lips he winced. “Rather—“ he let out a heavy sigh. “At least with these,” he gestured with his free hand to the ‘kindling’ pile, as he had called it. “I know what they are after, but with you,” he shook his head and sighed again. “You already have influence greater than I could give to you, should you tie yourself to me. And you have no interest in what monetary gain I could give you.” He shook his head. “So why? What do I offer you?”
“Must you offer me anything at all?” She answered his question with one of her own. “I care for you, Aymeric.”
“I know,” he answered, because as much as he wondered at the why, that she did was never in doubt. “But,” he sighed. “Were we to wed, I haven’t even a name to give you.” He looked at her fully. “Not of my own, at least.” He shook his head, almost at himself. “I have never been in a relationship where there was not at least something I could give my partner. So I,” he grimaced as he finally put to words the feeling that had knotted his heart in a tangle of anxiety. “I suppose I just cannot see why you would choose me.”
That was it, he realized with a start. At the end of it all, I have nothing for her. Not even a name. For all I have built, what of it is truly mine to offer her?
Examining that he could offer her, even in the context of affection was...disparaging. For all her freedom, for her promise to always return to Ishgard, to him, the best he could ever offer her in kind was, I will get to you when my work is finished.
The thought made him uncomfortable.
“Truly?” She asked him softly, looking down at their entwined hands. “You can’t see any reason why I would want to be with you?”
His silence was as good as a yes.
“I need no reason other than you make me happy,” Serella began with fond exasperation. “But if I must put it in terms of what you might offer me,” she trailed off for a moment. “You offer me peace.”
“Can you truly not find that elsewhere?” Aymeric asked, more bewildered at the thought than anything.
“Not the same way I can with you.” Serella answered. “But if that isn’t enough, you offer me understanding and being my equal. You offer me independence within our relationship— and seek your own as well.” She gave his hand a squeeze. “You’ve never demanded I change who I am or what I believe in, even when we have disagreed.”
“I would never!” Aymeric spoke up immediately, aghast.
“Most I have courted can’t say the same.” She admitted sadly. She looked at him, smiling despite the revelations of her past relationships. “You offer me a great many things, dear one,” she brought his hand to her lips, lightly kissing his fingertips. “Home being chief among them.”
He stood from his seat even as he continued to drink in the sight of her— partly from his neck beginning to cramp from looking up at her, but mostly because he suddenly felt an intense need to be closer to her, to remind himself that this was happening, and he would not wake from this pleasant dream.
“And so it is for me,” he rasped, unsure of what else to say.
Their hands still entwined, it was his turn to bring her knuckles to his mouth, to gently kiss the scarred skin there in silent reverence. Her cheeks flushed a lovely shade of pink but still she did not pull her gaze from his.
“And that is why I am with you.” Serella said with a nod, as though that settled things. “Besides,” she continued in a teasing lilt. “If the whole last name bit bothers you later down the line, you can just have mine.”
“Oh?” He breathed a laugh, finally letting go of her hand and letting his rest softly on her hip. The ache in his chest had loosened into something pleasantly akin to a knotted muscle at last being released of its tension. “I suppose that would be a reasonable compromise.” He felt himself smiling a bit wider at the thought. “So I would be...Aymeric de Arcbane?”
“No.” They were both startled by the force behind her voice, if the way she winced was any indication, but she pressed on, closing the distance between them to slot comfortably against him. “No, ‘de.’ No, ‘of.’ That’s—” she shook her head in frustration. “It’d just be, ‘Arcbane.’ You aren’t some...some acquisition for my family.” She looked at him with bright eyes. “You are my family.” 
He nearly forgot to breathe.
“Serella—” he whispered.
“...Hypothetically.” She added, the flush on her face only darkening as her eyes shied away from his. “...’Cause, y’know. It’s all hypothetical and all.”
“Of course.” He whispered, even as he fully embraced her and hoped she could not feel his heart desperately trying to beat out of his chest. “Still...a rather appealing hypothetical.”
“...Still too early for that.” She almost sounded like she was grumbling, even as he felt her smile against his neck.
“Quite.” He agreed into the crown of her head, pressing a kiss there.
It was too early for a great many things, Aymeric knew— too early to admit that he already loved her, too early and too dangerous to think of forever— even too early to discuss what level of intimacy they would be comfortable with— but it was never too early for him to show her how much he adored her, how much he was hopeful for their forever.
Never too early at all, he decided as she rocked on the tips of her toes to press her lips to his.
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aethylas · 4 years ago
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For anonymous: a series of answers/clarifications/amendments on The Goldenrod Revisions! (I've answered these all in one post just to make it easier). Thank you so much for the asks, this helped me a) clarify my thoughts b) solve some canon continuity issues so I really appreciate them!
THANK U for agreeing to answer my questions! I'll have to ask them separately so they're not in 1 super-long impossible-to-read ask. I have 3 about 15x19, 1 about 15x20, 2 about 15x21, 2 about 15x22, and 2 about 15x23. quick disclaimer: i don't mean any offense at all by my question count! I didn't even notice these oddities the first time I read this; once I read it and accepted it as the true canon, I took a closer look and then noticed. but plz don't think these made your fic any less great!!
No worries anon! It is literally my pleasure to answer them and I am VERY very happy to find discrepancies with canon in the fic - then I can hopefully fix them and make the fic better :) Also I really appreciate the very systematic way you laid all these out, it really helped me reply, and also subsequently make a couple of edits to the fic!
For 15x19:
1. Why did Chuck trust Michael with the task of killing Jack? As God he should know Michael betrayed him in 15.08; did he expect Michael to disobey him again?
I think in this case we're/Chuck is relying on knowledge from the canon 15.19, i.e. Chuck would assume the outcome predicted by the show - that Michael WOULD betray the Winchesters/the world in order to please his father. So God assumed Michael would act the way he did in Inherit The Earth. But additionally, Chuck isn't actually very keyed-in to his own characters' motivations (esp. when love is involved) or very attached to certain results - he basically sends Michael and Lucifer to kill Jack because he figures it will entertain him no matter what happens - whether Michael and Lucifer kill each other, whether they kill the Winchesters/Jack, etc. - either Jack dies this way or Chuck will think of another way to do it.
2. How was Sam able to kill Lucifer? It was said only an archangel could kill another archangel with the archangel blade; was this a total lie or could Sam do it since he's Lucifer's true vessel? (plz don't change it to have Michael kill him; Sam being the one to do it was perfect, I just wanna understand how he could do it).
So glad you raised this because I honestly totally forgot! But now that you have, I have corrected that lore continuity with a line about biblical metaphors.
3. How is Rowena alive? She said she was dead in 15.08, so I initially assumed as a witch and the Queen of Hell she found a way to travel between Hell and Earth despite being dead. But then Sam says "Michael could've killed you" and then Chuck kills her twice in 15.21, both of which indicate she's alive here - does this mean Michael resurrected her when she summoned him?
God okay this is like - please call me out if this is incorrect or still confusing - but it's kind of like, based on the very inconsistent and confusing lore of the SPN afterlife that I assume Rowena is 'dead' but also 'alive' in the sense that Crowley was 'alive' and is now 'dead'. Does that make sense? She's not 'alive' as a human but rather as a demon (or something like it). So as Queen of Hell and a presumably demonic-adjacent entity, when she's 'killed' she gets sent to the Empty now vs. being 'killed' as a human and going to Heaven/Hell. (Based on when we see her in Hell, I assume she possesses her own body? Unclear. Just go with it. They've never been great with what it means to show vessels in Heaven/Hell etc.)
4. I thought asked all I wanted to know about Goldenrod but I just thought of 1 more thing: I don’t get why some dialogue implies Michael was dead? He mentions how he “found himself back on Earth” and tells the Empty it couldn’t stop Chuck from resurrecting him & Lucifer, but prior to 15.19 we last saw Michael leaving the bunker with Adam alive and well in 15.08, and it seemed like he was gonna stay on Earth for Adam’s sake. So what happened to him?
Oh that's a great point! I think that is actually just a confusing choice on my part that Chuck killed absolutely everyone including Michael/Adam in 15.18 Despair and THEN chose to resurrect Michael (but not Adam) alongside Lucifer when he was bored/wanting to kill Jack. I made some slight adjustments in-text to hopefully make it less confusing because I know that's different to the lore of canon 15.19 Inherit the Earth.
For 15x20:
1. How did the angels and demons in the Empty wake up? Did Michael use the last of his grace to wake everyone up? Were they already awake thanks to Jack blowing up in 15x18 or did they somehow sleep through that? (Not expanding on the Empty's claim that "you made it loud" is one of countless things I'll never forgive the actual show for, so THANK YOU for taking the show back to the Empty in the first place; I was just curious about this one element.)
So the Empty was already 'loud' according to canon, but since canon is vague on what exactly that means (thank you writers!...) I got the impression it meant the Empty wasn't 'peaceful' anymore but still powerful enough to suppress the beings inside, like the beings in there were awake and suffering but unable to rebel. Sort of what we see with Cas in this version of 15.20. Maybe like, additional suffering in sleep paralysis? Regardless, Michael does expend his grace to weaken the Empty enough that other beings wake up and/or are able to fight back and exist outside their own personal nightmare chamber. So whatever your impression of 'loud' is with regards to the other beings in there, assume Michael was able to free them from the Empty's control.
For 15x21:
1. Having Jack & Amara take out Hell & Purgatory was a BRILLIANT idea; I love that they ended all the places of suffering and changed the system. I just wonder - what happened to the souls and the demons still in Hell at that point, and the Leviathans and other monsters still in Purgatory? Were they just wiped out completely and sent to the Empty? Or did Jack turn them human and add them to the cycle? (I don't think the show clarified whether or not Leviathans have souls, so...)
No matter whether they were monster or demon or even angel, they would eventually be given human life. I broke it down to 'human enough souls' vs. 'not human enough souls'. Human-enough were immediately brought to life with memories and versions of their original bodies, and not-human-enough were sent to the Soul Queue to be born as infants. I assume Leviathan and most demons fall into 'not human enough', therefore, whatever tiny microbe of personality/soul they had was added to the cycle of rebirth and would be translated to a new human soul. Of course this might have a WILDLY different impact on the world depending on how many people go to hell in this system, how many people were 'human enough', etc.... But we're basically fudging those numbers a bit one way or another just to give certain characters the revival they deserve haha.
2. Did Cas drown and die after Chuck threw him in the lake and Jack left their limbo-dream world? If so, did he go through the same question-&-answer situation with Death that Sam & Dean did? Or was he with Jack & Amara when they rebuilt the world?
Cas was already dead/dying even when he was talking to Jack, he was sort of in a different version of the 'Veil' per se. VERY wishy-washy, but basically he and Jack were on a different dream-plane that they were jolted to in the chaos of the disorganised no-Death world.
I think Cas, Rowena, Lucifer, Michael, etc. as beings who were killed after the snap is a bit ambiguous. Rowena and Lucifer, I think, as entities who were demonic-dead or Empty-level-dead pre-Snap probably went through the reincarnation Yes/No Death questionnaire. Cas and Michael might not have since they were technically 'alive' and human before the Snap. Regardless, I think they probably wouldn't remember the interaction even if they had it.
The reason the question happened to the Winchesters AND that they remember it is Main Character Syndrome... they were the only people left alive when Jack and Amara did a hard reset, and that honestly Death took time to chill/exposition at them because he likes them. Really. Despite all appearances. Or respects them enough to let them know what's gone down, anyway.
Metatextually, it was really just to reaffirm to the audience that Dean (and Sam) want to live, in contrast to 15.20 Carry On 😅
3. Did all the snapped people (Eileen, Adam, the Waywards, etc.) also go through the Death question-&-answer process but not remember it, or did Jack & Amara just send them back?
Snapped people were reset automatically! Normally the new-humans also wouldn't remember their interactions with Death/reapers, just like in canon lore when someone like Dean has a near-death experience.
I realise this whole section and various other lore reformation parts of the fic aren't SUPER clear on specific logistics but on some occasions I'm like, I've done enough info-dumping, I don't want to overwrite exposition. But if you think it's worth clarifying certain points let me know and I can try to do so!
For 15x22:
1. The twenty something blonde guy in sunglasses getting hot tea, is that Belphegor? sure sounds like it but I wanted to confirm.
Yep!
2. Since Death mentioned that Jack only resurrected the angels, demons, and monsters from the Empty who had enough of a soul, and since all the human souls from the Veil went to Heaven as confirmed by Kevin's presence, how exactly are Anna's human parents and Bela alive now?
Great question - 1) I SOMEHOW FORGOT ANNA'S PARENTS DIED? Complete screw up on my part, I don't know how that happened. I fixed this so it's her grandparents now. 2) Bela was sent to Hell as part of her deal, so I was assuming she was a demon by this point in canon (since it would be... MANY Hell-years since she died.) Therefore she had a 'human' enough demon soul to be put back as a human.
3. Oh, and the tall woman with the flyer in 15.22; who is this supposed to be? Hannah I’m guessing?
To be honest I didn't have anyone in particular in mind for that scene; it was kind of a catch-all for missing characters like, it COULD be Hannah. It could be Raphael. Hell, it could be Abbadon. I didn't want to do a full shot of every single person missing from the cast who had died (esp since like - we wouldn't know who they were anyway! Their bodies would be different). So this one is literally just fill-in-the-blank. But if I had to assign a character there I'd say it would probably be one of the more arrogant angels like Raphael or Uriel.
For 15x23:
1. How is Bobby in the Roadhouse with the gang? 10x17 seemed to imply the angels were about to throw him in the dungeons to punish him for helping Cas; did Ash hack him out of prison, or was he never imprisoned at all? Also, is Jack not surprised to see another Bobby in Heaven because the boys already told him there was another Bobby besides the one he knows from Apocalypseverse? (I was half-expecting him to comment about that and confuse Bobby).
Oh that's a great point! I think that's another sort of fill in the blank since it's been five years since 10.17... even if he was in prison of some kind, I think it's likely either Ash helped him get out in the same way he helped everyone else, and since the angels were extremely short-staffed I doubt getting Bobby suitably imprisoned/punished was their top priority. But honestly I'm not super clear on how the angels intended to punish Bobby, I don't think canon is clear either... like, We Just Don't Know.
Finally I'd like to know, has Sam proposed to Eileen yet by the end of the final episode? The script doesn't mention a ring on her finger, and as Sam's fiancee, I'd assume she'd also have carved her name on the table. Sam mentions the innuendos Dean has said "in the past year," so it's been a while since Jack's prayer scene, yet Cas says Dean & Claire's argument was the last time they spoke, and it doesn't seem likely to me that Dean wouldn't call Claire in a year given how close they are...
Nope! I think Sam is saying 'I'm going to marry her' as a declaration of certainty of his feelings and faith in the future, not neccessarily as something that immediately happens. With regards to 'in the past year', that referred to the period when Eileen was alive during s15 as well! I assume Dean did teasing off-screen (and I mean, he did plenty on-screen too.)
I honestly think that Sam and Dean are just very very busy in the aftermath of the events of the 15.20 reset, like they have to deal with the new world AND try to wrangle all these hunters into this new system of collaboration. I didn't put Eileen on the table because she isn't there in the finale and because I do think the Sam/Dean/Cas/Jack family unit was a bit more central and important to the show, but maybe they add her (and any possible kids, if they have any) later on. God, imagine generations of hunters and/or Winchesters carving on that table. Sacred Artefact...
(1) Ok that's all the questions I have. Again, so sorry to blow up your inbox - I really appreciate your willingness to clarify these things! If there are some things you'd rather not explain and leave ambiguous, I totally get that. And in spite of these aforementioned confusing parts, I still ADORE your fic and will continue to read it whenever I feel like re-"watching" how Supernatural really ended! Thank you so much!! .... (2) I’m SO sorry to overload u! I know I asked a lot and I didn’t mean to sound like a hater saying “none of ur story makes sense”; that’s not what I meant at all! If this was a regular good ol fix it fic I wouldn’t have said anything but since u said u wanted it to wrap up the show as replacement canon, I thought maybe I should point out places that didn’t line up. But take as MUCH time as you need! Good for you working to meet your deadlines; I hope you succeeded!! And again I really appreciate you taking the time to answer whenever you have time—absolutely no rush!! Have a GREAT Memorial Day Weekend!!!
Anon thank you SO SO much for all these questions, as you can see it really helped me identify problems or straight up errors in my work wrt continuity and I'm so happy that means I can improve it. If any of the answers weren't clear or you think I should modify the fic to make certain things clearer than they are right now (other than the things I said I'd fix in-text for sure) let me know! It's really been a pleasure answering them too, I'm sorry it took me so long to get around to it, I actually went back and proofed/edited the whole fic as part of adding some of these corrections in (and that took like... three weeks...) and as you said, it's very important to me to get it as true to canon as possible so - yeah, just, once again, thank you!! You're wonderful! ♥♥♥
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bladekindeyewear · 5 years ago
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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-03-12
I have been told only a few things about the upd8 that just landed, over Discord by two people:
upd19 feat. 4,901,157 read it. now. note: the featuring note is accurate if in a different base than what you might be expecting
What the fuck does that even mean.
Okay Pretty good chapter.
...from another friend who VERY dislikes HS^2?  Oh shit.
I also glimpsed a post that may or may not have been about Homestuck at all at the top of my Tumblr feed for an instant that said “YES YES YES YES YES” in huge bold print.  I have no idea whether to be excited or nervous.
Okay, it’s not a Bonus update... let me comb through from an earlier page to be careful not to get a spoilerlook at the pagecount...
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...huh.  That seems... like a conversation that would be up my alley, but not necessarily unique so far or worth all this crowing about.  I thought we were about to get Dirk-aliens with a full Horschestra backing... are we getting something else?
> CHAPTER 6. A Conversation Regarding Relevance
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Hmmmmmmmm.  With the contrast between their reactions and this ominous buildup, there’s got to be a serious fun-twist coming.  Right?  --I’ll stop with that talk for the moment though.
space is vast. an unproductive statement, almost a tautology. [...]
Alright, that and the starry background are riffing the fuck off Star Trek.  Nice homage to Andrew’s roots.
the lives of the many are far too volatile and instinct-driven
Alt!Callie what the fuck are you doing.  This is intentional now.  You can’t play this off as “what’s a Star Trek”.
tautologies are, in general, reserved for stories. for narrative device. for finding new and inventive ways to tell an audience that which they already know.
God damnit she’s still doing it
neither of us ever able to convince the other of the righteousness of our stance. we were never meant to agree. it isn’t in our blood.
Blah blah overanalyzing classpect blah
when they scoff at my tautology ‘space is vast’, what do they really know? nothing. as far as any of them have experienced, space does not exist.
It’s still nice to see some real personality leak through on Alt!Callie.  We definitely know from her other self that she can develop quite a relatable and colorful one.  Have the years helped?
> ==>
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dramantic pouse... ........
Also,
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-look at that collar.  Damn, Callie, that is a collar
very few have stood and looked into the abyss, the true gulf of nothingness that spreads out around the single point of consciousness adrift in a constellation. all the combined weight of sentient endeavour would quail underneath that sheer, irresistible truth. the realization that they are so small, that the universe cares about their puny lives so very little. sitting in the glowing light of the stars this becomes even more apparent
In the official aspect quiz I never took the time to analyze, the aspects were put on a wheel where Space was a neighbor to Void, if I recall correctly.  I wonder how much those aspects engender feelings of goddamnit I’m doing it again aren’t I
...
are we out of orange juice?
Yesss let more personality Alt!Callie bleed through, more of it~
Wait, does Alt!Callie even taste through Jade?  Isn’t this remote control?  Is she vicariously drawing pleasure from Jade’s not-just-meat-or-candy mostly-human taste buds or?
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JADE: are you talking to me? JADE: because if you are i would like to remind you that i hate!! orange juice!!
OH FUCK YES!!! SHE’S IN THERE AND AWAKE!!! SHE STILL HAS AT LEAST ENOUGH AGENCY TO BE PRESENT AND ARGUE WITH CALLIE! YESSSSSS
no you don’t.
JADE: well i guess i never really had a strong opinion on it before JADE: but now i cant stand it!! JADE: its all you drink!
i like the pulp.
QUIT INADVERTANTLY FORCING SHIT ON JADE WITH NARRATIVESPEAK GIVE HER A BIT OF LEEWAY ALT!CALLIE YOU CONTROLLING--
JADE: its my body and i dont want orange juice! JADE: i hate pulp, and i didnt just make that up to spite you JADE: who wants strings in their juice?
i do.
JADE: ughhhhhhhhh
I have had friends hopefully fantasize about and/or therapeutically roleplay this exact situation with Jade breaking through and arguing with Alt!Callie’s control to make this all a fair bit more palatable but I didn’t dare to hope we’d get even THIS much
Maybe the HS^2 authors DO care about not leaving us wallowing in hopeless witness to the characters’ constant torture and existential turbosuffering!!!! :#D
i realize that jade’s situation is less than ideal from a characterization perspective, but i still politely point out that nobody likes a whiner.
Fuck you, this isn’t CALIBORN you’re trying to repress you asshole!  Leave Jade some AGENCY!!!!!  She deserves it!!
JADE: fuck you rude calliope inside my head!
YES EXACTLY
JADE: why dont you try being possessed by the spirit of some other version of a good friend of yours, and floated around a spaceship full of people you love JADE: unable to affect anything or say hello to anyone! JADE: then tell me about whiners!
i killed my brother and consumed him.
JADE: sounds like a you problem
Compromise and give her some agency finally come on compromise and give her some agency you red-text twatwaffle
i suggest to the witch that i have spent untold eons in the void between universes, waiting for the moment i would be needed to prevent the dissipation of reality as we know it. her appeals to emotion will not help her. i will remain unmoved.
Oh god damnit.
JADE: well i had to watch my boyfriend and my brother die in front of me on a tiny scaled version of a world that i shrunk for them! JADE: and then spend the next three years talking to myself, wracked with guilt that id killed them!
Oh. God. Damnit.  This had better not be where the Suicide trigger warning was coming from.  Are there going to be any characters left who DIDN’T emerge from this mess feeling suicidal?!?  (I mean if there were any understandable case it would be three years alone on the golden ship Jade but-- I mean COME ON, we have to discuss that in our FIRST GLIMPSE at her since the epilogues?!?)
> ==>
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i remind the witch that my time was in the void, which is far darker and lonelier [...]
Oh fuck you don’t compare suffering as an excuse to COMPLETELY body-enslave and squash the agency of someone when you probably don’t have to.  You’re just doing what’s COMFORTABLE alt!Callie admit it.  There’s a way you could give her some leeway, I’m almost positive.
JADE: even if i had the powers of a first guardian, my brain still worked in modules of human pattern recognition! JADE: three years is a long time for a human teenager, i dont care how many of her molecules are made of a god!
(i love it when jade talks smart, that bit of the epilogues was a treat too, plz reveal more of the big brain on jade)
It seems Jade can’t see or quite understand the full import of there being a “narrative”.  Or THINKS she cant, because she still says:
JADE: your voice is impossible to read and i cant see your face
If she’s “reading” alt!Callie’s remarks, that means she’s breaking through to understand the narrative to SOME extent.  She might be one of the ones who learns to do that a little more and better in the future, especially with alt!Callie almost unintentionally training her to see it.
> ==>
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Oh, good.  So A!C’s not above being considerate.  That’s a step in the right direction.
> ==>
D’aww, Jade conceding and trying to empathize like her usual self.  I appreciate it.  :)  --but Alt!Callie’s definitely in the wrong here.
JADE: but i think it is a very natural thing to be silly when you are used to being able to control your own body, but now cant
i will allow that, yes.
Thanks.  Learn some damned reason.
jade smiles. dave and karkat will always be a source of pain for her, a low ache somewhere in her center of gravity, but she is happy for them. she knows that there is really no other alternative for how to be. they chose each other over her, and they always will. they are the two people who matter to her the most in every universe, and that will not change, no matter how much she wishes it would, no matter how--
JADE: do you actually know that?
pardon me?
Oh, shit.
JADE: do you actually know that im doomed to pine over dave and karkat across every iteration of reality? JADE: like, can you actually see that? JADE: because youre a space player, like i am. JADE: i know that you are more powerful than me, but i dont think you can see other timelines any better than i can JADE: so i think you are just being dramatic JADE: for the “audience”, whatever the heck that means
i experience a moment of unease as jade looks at me. keeping her out of my thoughts is proving to be more difficult than i had first assumed it would be.
That’s a damned interesting question.  I was giving the narrative the benefit of the doubt, but given everything the Epilogues warned us about when it came to the narrators and alt!Callie’s occasional slips into her own bias, I really should have known better.
i had begun confident that i could keep her consciousness sleeping peacefully inside the shell of her body, tamed and quiescent, but she has proved to be more irascible than i initially gave her credit for.
JADE: heheh JADE: i have never been particularly tamable, and my consciousness is huge!
This might end up playing out more like my friend’s Jade-breaks-out roleplays than I initially assumed.  (What does she mean “huge consciousness” though?  Superpowered due to part-First-Guardian, like she alluded earlier in the conversation?  That never got much play before, so it’s great to see that potential realized here a bit...)
> ==>
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...I’m a fucking idiot.  Of COURSE “huge consciousness” and the whole line around it was just an unsubtle double-entendre.  A small part of me actually wondered if it was and dismissed it as a clumsy reading in an instant.  How stupid am I?  Jade is the best.
If only this sort of thing worked on Cherubs.
> ==>
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Yeah.  It really doesn’t.
...Alt!Callie, you are a fucking war-criminal for bottling all these double-entendres up where none of the others can appreciate them.
> ==>
JADE: you are a pretty tough crowd, evil callie JADE: but yes, i can hear most of what you are thinking to yourself JADE: it took a little while to separate it from my own thoughts, just like it did with dirk JADE: because thats what he was doing the whole time, wasnt it? JADE: controlling our thoughts JADE: making us believe things we never would, things he thought we SHOULD believe
Fucking excellent.  She’s definitely training herself on this shit.  The more people who have a harder time getting fooled by this nonsense the better.
jade knows all of this, i don’t have to tell her. she is a very bright girl, and even if she didn’t have partial access to my thoughts, she is good at compiling data and using it to fill in gaps. as she herself had rather licentiously mentioned, her brain is quite large.
C:
and all of these reasons are why i know i can count on her to be reasonable and realistic about her situation. i need a body to continue interfacing with this timeline, and her body is the only one that will do.
Dammit.  Trying to get her to logic her way back into keeping Alt!Callie in complete control.  That’s a tactic that will probably work.  :(
what about [kanaya], jade? she is a space player, it is true, but her powers are nothing compared to yours. for one, she isn’t god tier, and for two, she is dead. a living dead, but dead nonetheless.
Hm.  Are you saying she maybe has less relevance, less of an effect on her surroundings because she spent some of her “cred” on unconventional partial resurrection?  To the extent where she’d make a less influential vessel?  Hmm.
For that to even matter, you have to be planning to use Jade’s Space powers too.  Taking a far more active role in things than narrative beacon.
and a sylph’s specializations lie on a different end of the spectrum from my own. a witch is a far closer match.
!!!!!
Sounds like details of the classpect system that we don’t know will have relevance in HS^2, and we’re indeed gonna possibly get some actual new, clearer details about the system Andrew invented unlike the dearth of new info the Epilogues brought us.  That is... promising.
no, jade understands and sympathizes with my assurance that her body, and her body alone, will do for my purposes.
JADE: um...no i dont!
YES.  Jade is now officially immune to absolute command! :D :D :D
she does. after all, she would not wish this sort of state of being on anyone else, and especially not on one of her friends. jade may have undergone a lopsided number of narrative hardships in her life, but at least she is used to them. why spread that suffering to another?
What the fucking shit???  You’re using that on her?  You think it’ll WORK?!
jade understands and accepts her place in the story, which has always been to enable events to play out around her, just as it has been mine.
..........yeah Jade’s gonna bust the fuck out on the very next page, isn’t she.
What the fuck is Alt!Callie thinking, here?  Wasn’t the other Calliope the one to let us know that the Witch is one of the most active classes there is??  ...what exactly does a Witch officially do anyway, for Alt!Callie to think saying such a thing wasn’t dead wrong?  This sounds MUCH more like the sort of statement someone might make after breezing through Homestuck and confusing the old Jade (cough) for the person she grew up into.
And the fact that you’re phrasing this as a narrative command to try and make her forcibly THINK this way deserves you a smack in the non-literal depictive face.  Let’s see if you get one:
> ==>
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Oh wow, no smack yet?!  That’s some restraint!
because what is a story, truly? nothing but a series of misadventures and connections, actions spurring reactions, tumbling into one another, over and over and over. with so many competing interests, clearly the story cannot account for all perspectives, for all threads? it would be laughable, childish, even selfish, to demand that they do.
in other words, not everyone will achieve a happy ending. this is a truth that jade had come to grips with a long time ago.
JADE: wait. JADE: stop. JADE: why are you saying all of this?
Ohh.  Because she still had even MORE smackworthy stuff left to say, to make the smack even SMACKIER, didn’t she.  Alt!Callie you asshole.  If this gets you kicked out of her almost entirely and jeopardizes the crew as Jade struggles to combat Dirk’s narrative influence on her OWN, then I’m fucking blaming YOU!  Do you realize how horrible it’ll be if Dirk gets to almost singlehandedly write the whole story around her and the others for the first section of HS^2 with only one or two characters aware and trying to mentally avert it??  We already TRIED that in the Epilogues!  It was awful!
jade’s body is my vessel, and it is through this realization that she will understand her true role in the story. her true relevance.
Go fuck yourself, Alt!Callie.  Read the audience a bit!
if i released my hold on her consciousness, there would be no guarantee that i would be allowed in again. therefore i cannot permit her the control of herself that she so desperately craves, and she understands that.
THAT’S your reasoning your used-to-surpressing-Caliborn ignorant--!??
JADE: wait. so...you could give me my body back, and then just hop back in when you need to?
in theory, yes.
JADE: then what the hell callie!
because i don’t trust you to cooperate when the time comes.
MotherfuckerTheMusical.mp4
(or real existing equivalent that’s just off the top of my head)
JADE: why not? JADE: i thought you said i was a reasonable girl with a huge brain!
you are, to an extent.
she is. but the truth of the matter remains that humans are capricious and emotional. and even jade herself can admit that she hasn’t been the most...committed example of her species in the last few years.
Oh my fucking god.  I know they’re trying to make this more satisfying when she actually DOES take control in a few panels, but, Alt!Callie, seriously, get more on your other self’s level!!!
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Yes, please >:O some more
moving from lover to lover, job to job, interest to interest. over the last few years jade had found herself listless, unable to settle and unwilling to commit to anything or anyone. she knows there’s nothing wrong with that on a moral level, but on a personal level she’s always believed that she could be more, could do better. be better. and now, because of this, she realizes that sacrifices must be made.
and that she, as a space player, is uniquely built for sacrifice.
JADE: yeah JADE: i guess youre right JADE: i have been such a silly little slut! JADE: hey callie
yes, jade?
JADE: oh my god, whats that!!!!
You are so fucking screwed Alt!Callie.
this space is utterly under my control. jade could control it too, if she had any access to her own powers. but with my grip around her cortex, there is no chance of that.
(Wait, there’s an extent to which this space is “real” and not imaginary?  Or does holding her space powers in check also mean keeping her imaginary space powers in check?)
Anyway, here comes the smack.  And, though Alt!Callie deserves this, I hope Dirk isn’t let in too often amidst the others as a result.
> ==>
Yup, poising to pounce...
> ==>
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I thought there was a weird infinity symbol underneath them but it’s just two spotlights and a shadow cast by her head.
and here i make my first mistake.
No you made your first mistakes WAAAY earlier in this conversation.  And what you did to Jade in general.  She’s a hero/player for a reason, she doesn’t take stuff lying down forever.
but bringing her into a place where we can both physically manifest has left me, foolishly, vulnerable.
First, physically manifest?  This isn’t pure imaginationspace?  And second, she’s going to blame her polite concession to Jade for this and hold on even tighter the next time, isn’t she.  God damnit, not looking forward to that.  Alt!Callie won’t learn her lesson til the end, will she?  :(
her fingers tear at my throat, trying to find purchase. she won’t be able to kill me here, but it is certainly unpleasant, and not to mention slightly repetitive. we just saw this in the previous chapter, although this particular fight will not end as amorously as the last one did. so don’t get your hopes up.
JADE: who! JADE: are you talking to!
I really hope Jade ends up with full narrative powerOOOOOHHHH FUCK THEY COULD GO FOR THAT HUH
Dirk was able to become an Ultimate Self in his own body because it was the uniting of an irrepressible “self” that he always unbreakably represented.  The others had more trouble.
But Jade
has a BIG PART-GOD BRAIN as reinforced in the narrative repeatedly!!
Meaning that later, SHE could Ultimate Self without ANY PHYSICAL CONSEQUENCE.  :D
I was hoping Jade would end up with full narrative-dictating-and-reading power when she wants to use it, at some point, but I might’ve been aiming too low! :D :D :D
Yaaaaaaaaaaaay
Now all the playfully-horny omnipotent Jade fanfics are true, what that totally isn’t part of why I love this go ahead and admit she doesn’t deserve it
> ==>
Yesss flashy gif struggle against control!  (Though, not as elegant as one of Andrew’s might’ve been. Gotta say.)
> ==>
Blinky-eyes about to resolve normal-Jade-colored....!
> ==>
Wait, what?  I thought Jade was about to snap in and--
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during the ship’s trip through space, there have been numerous experiments; modifications to the nutrition output of the various machines designed to create sustenance for the various species on board. i myself have been content with orange juice and synthetic proteins, but dave and roxy have both expressed longing for various ‘earth snacks’, and so the trials and errors began.
What the fuck?  I don’t even know where this is going if it’s punways.
Is there like a dog treat somewhere that’s gonna push her over the edge?  Where is this headed even.
> ==>
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Wh...
WHa??????
the results were mixed. as roxy told us in a previous chapter, alchemized food all sort of tastes the same, although the visuals really help to bring about the flavor. and at the end of the day, isn’t it the journey that is more important than the destination? the stories you tell as you create the strangely flavored nutritional paste?
JADE: ????????????
Um??  What’s even going on.
so far, everyone’s favorite attempt has been a vaguely peanut-butter and chocolate flavored creation called "Rices'". nobody eats them really. they just sit in a bowl on the counter.
i’m not actually sure what the witch is trying to accomplish here.
Is Jade trying to humorously gross Alt!Callie out of her body with a candy she doesn’t like or?  But, “suicide threat”? Why joke--
JADE: you dont? JADE: really?
i don’t know what she is trying to accomplish, because surely she would not be doing what it appears she is trying to do. making such a meaningless threat.
JADE: meaningless? JADE: do you even know anything about the body you stole? JADE: shouldnt you have run some sort of psychic physical before you possessed it? JADE: its definitely what i would have done!
Oh SHIT.  You mean Jade has the same peanut allergy JOHN does?!?
> ==>
jade must know that i am well-aware of her family-wide peanut allergy. a story thread that has been extremely important and weighed in on in multiple parts of the narrative. how could i have forgotten such a key detail?
...yes, she totally forgot, but more than that.
I’m betting John is the ONLY one with a peanut allergy.  That Jade is USING that fact to bluff like hell.  :D
(Allergies aren’t usually inherited that way you alien!)
there is nothing remotely just or heroic about dying from self-imposed anaphylactic shock in the throes of a childish tantrum. at the most i’ll get a relaxing few minutes of sleep.
Is Alt!Callie bluffing now?  Even a resurrecting death could throw her off.
> ==>
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FUCK YES JADE.
JADE: do you really want to risk it?
what are you talking about, jade? i just said--
FUCK YES JADE, BE A HUGE WITCH
(i say in the most witch-connotatively and non-classpect-related way)
JADE: i dont know, callie JADE: ive never really understood the rules that govern the death of a god tier, have you? JADE: it seems pretty arbitrary from where im standing JADE: who makes the decision whether or not something is heroic or just?
...that’s unclear. but it certainly isn’t you.
JADE: right, of course not JADE: but are you so confident that youre a good guy? JADE: are you sure that the alpha timeline WANTS you to be here?
...what.
JADE: youve done some stuff, callie JADE: im only saying you shouldnt be so quick to assume that me killing you wouldnt be just JADE: and that taking my own life to do it wouldnt be heroic
Even with JUST this one fucking situation Alt!Callie put her in, throwing off her control forever by dying would be shortsighted but HELLA JUST.  What Alt!Callie is doing to her is a crime.
Oh shit!?!?
> [S] ==>
What is this, HTML5?  *clicks play*
...for a second, I thought this was gonna launch into a huge thing with that clock ticking song from the Felt album.
Having Rose and Dirk’s colors competing here really reinforces that... Prospit vs Derse vibe that was feeding the whole this-is-the-basis-for-the-game’s-structure-and-the-birth-of-Paradox-Space theory more earlier.
> ==>
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i don’t let the witch manipulate me. i refuse to falter in the face of her whispers. without my careful planning and swift action, the prince would have taken full control over this timeline. none of my friends could even begin to imagine the turmoil.
In the end, you’re ignoring what’s right and brave in this instance to instead do something EXPEDIENT, to the exclusion of trust and compassion when things COULD work out just as well without taking the worst actions -- which is textbook villainous.
> ==>
JADE: they arent your friends!! JADE: you took them from me!
Now isn’t THAT a way to put it. :D :D :D
Alt!Callie is sinning almost as badly as Dirk, here.  Viewing everyone else as characters in a story, the only way she’s ever viewed “friends”, and her as the not-so-humble narrator doing what’s best for all of them.  If she’s going to win against Dirk -- or if that victory is going to MEAN anything -- she will HAVE to realize that she needs to be different.
JADE: you keep saying that youre doing all of this for my own good, but youre just lonely! JADE: i know you are, because so am i!
Ouch.
Will Alt!Callie force her to swallow it?
JADE: you said that being a space player is all about sacrifice JADE: well
> ==>
JADE: bet
...I guess she really might have an allergy.
> ==>
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Aaaand the candy drops.  A W A K E ! ! ! !
Yaaaaay Jade is BACK and we’ll get to see even more of her!!!
...please tell me on the next page she grabs the candy, noms it, and mentions she doesn’t have a peanut allergy after all.  That would be sweet.
> ==>
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...
Nope, you just leave us on a sad.  Dammit, why do you gotta be all adult and showin’ us both sides in a moment of triumph, HS^2.  Shucks.
Anyway, YAY JADE!  C:
I am happy by this, if slightly too emotionally-rollercoastered by the past 24-hours to give this the full-rejoicing it deserves.  That, and worried about the openings Dirk will get because of this... joy now for potential frustration later, even if Jade tries her best to let Alt!Callie back in in-time.
See y’all next time!  And, uhm.  I guess I’ll comment on whatever other asks I promised to comment on another less-eventful day.  Keep reminding me and holding me to it though!
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wholeheartedmissfit · 4 years ago
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I'm giving up?
*That last "?" Was putted there bcs I don't want to feel that guilty of just saying I'm giving up. But truth is... This place is horrible. I hate me, I hate my life, I need help bcs the only thing in my mind is killing myself. This place where I live is making me hate myself.
I wish I was normal, I wish I was stupid, I wish I was dead. Bcs not even art is filling me. I can't call for help, I don't know how to. I have felt alone for so much time that I expected to be able to deal with this, I think everybody around me says things like "oh, right, dan have depression, or at least he thinks he have" or "hes been having this all his life, at this point he sure should know how to handle it". But u know what?
I'm done...
I have nothing
I am by all means a failure of a human being.
Not even able to self preservate.
All I do is usually to harm me.
Why can't I just say help??
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I... Am ranting here bcs for anyone who actually sees this, it would be another anonymous face out here in a sea of reblogs. Maybe one or two persons might read this far, and knowing no one would help me even if they actually read this gives me some kind of satisfaction.
It is a kind of art on itself, I think. Bcs if I die, If this blogs actually goes into complete silence for ever, it would been on the Internet for as long as this page exist. As a testament of a dead depressed fuck from a third world country. Only remembered as a "smart guy" or "fat boy", even if I'm on my bones from not eating. A sad epitome of angry rantings, a small fire in this hellish blizzard. At least if someone reads this, someone out there would know the truth.
I don't want to think about my gender bcs I know my tendencies. I know how far it would go and... This country is not a good place for persons like me. I want to get out of here, but how? At this rithm, I'll die before I get to be out. No one cares enough to give me a helping hand, not even my parents. So... It's a race against time. But the more time it passes, the harder it would get, and more dreadfully the future goes.
So... With so little to hope, with so little to wait, why wouldn't I just fucking end it? I'm not even able to feel okey without drugs (prescription or not).
I don't have hope... I know the only one who's able to give it to me is myself, and tbh, I don't want to keep going, it hurt so much all the time I'm awake. I just want it to end, I want this suffering to end plz somehow, weed isn't even making effect anymore, prescriptions make it worse, I don't even enjoy playing games, or talking or sex or flirting or drawing or hearing music.
So, if someone actually got this far, I'm sorry. I didn't ment for you to waste your time. And at least rember to be kind with others. That's the only thing I'll ask of you, not to help me, not to rember me, just for you to be kind with others. Be safe, take care of yourself, plz don't follow my example. And have a goodnight.
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ko-eko-ev-go-ms · 5 years ago
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Tfw ur just thinking through things and it’s mostly reasonable but then it starts spiraling and u start tearing up and feel worse and worse and it’s like really late and you should already be asleep or have been asleep before and he just there like : )
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