#whoops the cringe post got a lot longer than i thought it was going to be

[cosmicmakos]

another cringy post that i want to write to make myself feel better after being treated like shit by the person i have to, unfortunately, live with until i can afford to move out

Jeanne had heard my sigh and a mumbled curse that sounded more sad than angry; she knew something had happened but didn't want to force me to tell her. she knew by the way i had put my face in my hands and the few sniffles that she heard as soon as i sat down that i was fighting back tears. instead of coming over to where i sat she let me be for a few minutes - she knows i need a few minutes to process my emotions and to understand them fully before talking to someone about them.

never wanting to overwhelm me in moments like these, she sets down the papers she was grading and sits down next to me waiting for me to let her in. she knows that once i uncover my face and look for anything that i can use to distract myself from my thoughts i'm open to talking about whatever happened. this time is no different than the others - her asking me if i would like her to hold me and me saying yes to her.

"did she say something hurtful to you or did she try to manipulate you this time?" i held her a little tighter and buried my face even deeper into her shoulder before telling her what had happened this time. even if my words were muffled she could still hear what i said and the hurt in my voice. she holds me tighter and kisses me when i finish talking about what happened.

"she doesn't deserve you, especially after all she's done to you. don't listen to her or take her words to heart darling; whatever names she calls you or whatever she says you are is far from the truth. you're stronger than you think and aren't the monster she tries to make you think you are." she didn't think her words would be the thing to make me finally cry but she holds me even tighter and tells me I'm safe in her arms.

Jeanne asks me if i'd like to talk about anything in particular (trying to get me to talk about a special interest or current hyperfixation since doing so usually gets me in a better mood) or if i wanted her to talk about something to help take my mind off what happened. i tell her i want to listen to her talk about whatever she wants just so i can hear her voice. "and here i thought i'd get you talking about that game you love so much but instead you want to hear about ancient history." i laugh and tell her i enjoy learning about the Umbra and the rich history of witches before the hunts happened. she asks me if there happens to be a subject i want to learn more about than others today and i mention wanting to understand just how the beast within techniques work and how you obtain them.

after we talk for an hour or two Jeanne suggests that we go out on a date, not taking no for an answer as she knows that doing so would be a good distraction while also giving her the chance to help me feel even better. after the main date she takes me to a secluded area where nobody is around - i crack the 'this is the perfect place to take someone if you wanted to kill them' joke and get an eye-roll from her. "i'm sure this would be a better place for angels to gather and not for a human to be murdered dear" was her reply as she laughed.

i asked her why she had brought me all the way out here where the city lights were in the distance and the sounds of the night were all you could hear. "remember what we were talking about earlier? i thought you'd be interested in seeing just how they work." the next few hours were spent watching her show me the ins and outs of the different forms and me being amazed at what she could do while in them.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

sometime in this last week, or this week coming, my blog has turned/turns 10. god. a decade old. a whole ass chunk of my life i’ve spent on this hellsite. when i began on here, i was a kid. a lost, lonely, depressed and anxious 15/16 year old kid. a kid scared of her future. a kid confused about her future. what to do for uni. to change schools or not??? to do drama/acting at uni or english/philosophy or to move 8hrs away to another regional uni to “escape” her “washed up, dead end hometown” that was so typical of all the pop-punk music that she was listening to at the time.

she was a tad overdramatic, loud, “funny” (as described by her school friends) and terribly forgetful in regards to homework and school assignments. she was angry at the world, most especially the catholic school she was fucking sick and tired of attending. but she was convinced that since she was the so-called “funny girl”, that she simply couldn’t be depressed or anxious. she believed herself unloveable because she didn’t look like a weird mixture of hayley williams and emo-pop queen lights. but now, i no longer believe that i have to look like the women that i looked up to in the ~emo scene~. fuck beauty standards. i am loveable.

in the years since joining tumblr, i’ve managed to get through business college, my undergrad degree and, well, failed out of postgrad due to obvious burnout and health issues amongst other things. although i’ve lost many friends irl and many followers/mutuals online on here. for those who’ve stuck around to see me get through all of this, thank you. to all the friends/casual mutuals that have since deactivated or only followed me for a short time then unfollowed; thank you.

like obviously i was never/have never been a massive popular blog on here, like thebootydiaries or vampireapologist (who has since deactivated a couple of months ago) with tens of thousands of followers. my follower count is still close to the 8,000 range at 7,892. obviously that’s still a lot of people (and of course, porn bots lmao and many, many non-active blogs), enough like one super old post from like 2012 tumblr pointed out, enough for a small to medium sized city or town, or something like that. i don’t know how many people i’ve really reached. i really don’t know how i actually amassed this small army of people.

i am aware though, that on other platforms like snapchat (lmao does anyone even use it anymore in 2021???)/instagram/youtube/tiktok etc, i’d PROBABLY be considered as some type of ~micro influencer (🤮🤮)~. hell, i actually had a bot slide into my notes about being one on here on this hellsite back in 2019. i don’t know if i’ve ever actually ~influenced~ anyone on here with my shitposts (when i started making some) or my personal posts. i don’t know my reach. even though, now, i do occasionally get featured on buzzfeed listicles (although pay me buzzfeed along with the OPs of those original embedded posts), i still don’t know how many people i’ve reached… and even with my very occasional checks of google analytics lmao. on top of this, grappling with the loss of followers at times is much, much easier than it was when i began on here and the first few years following that. i know that my follower count doesn’t determine my worth and stuff.

but over these 10 years, i have grown. i turn 26 this year. back in 2011, 15/16yo me never thought she’d be here. she was partially down the suicidal thoughts hole, with things about ~picturing her funeral and wondering who’d bother to turn up. if only she could pretend to be dead for a day to see who’d give a fuck~ and 16-18yo me was defs down it with her HSC hellscape thoughts in 2012/2013. that 3rd floor tafe/tech women’s bathroom window drop and the thought of scarring her class for life (and that cool dude from catholic school that she crushed on who ended up at tafe with her) with jumping out of it onto the concrete below. instead, she just posted on fb about ~being a failure~ etc which ultimately did lose her a bunch of facebook friends lmao. it was practically the same thing. her mental breakdown after the end of her hsc, where she let her earrings go green and get infected in her ears because “fuck self care, bc what the fuck is it??? i’ll never get better! let me fucking wallow in my self loathing bc it’s the only thing that i’m fucking good at!!!” so i no longer have my ears pierced. oh! it was just all too fucking much!!

i am happier today. i no longer have those semi-suicidal thoughts. hell, i almost died in 2020 from a fucking bowel aneurysm, after my stomach tumour excision surgery. that forced me to put things into perspective. i appreciate the little things . i appreciate the very few friends that i actually have. yes. i’m still depressed and anxious. some days are still shitty and hard. but nowhere as hard and shitty as they were back when i began on here 10 years ago.

how the fuck last 10 years have gone past, with my ass on here; clearing out my blog and caring more about doing that than my uni work (lmao whoops); having made some lifelong friends both internationally (from the US) and long distance domestically in australia, it’s been a long ride; i honestly have no fucking idea. obviously over these past 10 years, i’ve debated with myself over and over and over again whether i should delete/deactivate this account or not. would it make me healthier??? more than likely. but then when i have meltdowns or just inner ramblings i have to get out somewhere, where else to post??? on fb?? obvs not. it’s “attention seeking” or the like on there. no one will read them. no one will resonate. but on here??? even if i got/get one “like” in the notes or one “yo i feel this” response in the tags or replies, it feels like i’ve reached someone??? okay yeah. i know this place IS NOT therapy and i’m not using my followers as amateur (or probs even actual professional) armchair psychologists…. which is a thing i think people need to stop doing internet-wide: but that’s a whole other post that i reblogged a few days ago lmao. i really need to get another therapist, actually lmao.

but it’s the community i’ve found hard to leave. i have what feel like friends, when i’ve never been employed (still as of yet); and when all of my irl friends/acquaintances are working and doing the whole ~adulting~ and ~grown up life~ thing right. it’s also the frenzied rabidness of spite with hating staff’s godawful ideas. the memes. oh the memes. and also the RaWrInG 20s XD emo scene reemergence on here that’s kept me here. the messy petty drama from time to time of big blogs fighting it out.

this place really is bizarre and fun sometimes. and also the fact that i can still hide behind the ridiculous “roaring pikachu” URL that i made all those years ago. i am anonymous. it’s freeing. but on fb it’s all like “WHY WONT YOU ADD A BANNER IMAGE AND TELL US 20 FUN FACTS ABOUT YOU!!!!!???? LET PEOPLE WHO HAVENT SPOKEN TO YOU IN 10 YEARS KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU BECAUSE WE’RE ALL FRIENDS HERE!!!” and the same goes for Corporate Hellscape Facebook™️ (linkedin) but in the professional sense instead. y’all know fuck all about me really. besides my posts. and i love that and live for that. okay yeah. y’all know more about my mental health than my fb feed obvs… which is probably a terribly unfortunate thing. but still.

over the last 10 years then, my superiority complex for being ~so original and intelligent~ or whatever the fuck i had in high school, has all but ebbed away. i’m not that smart just because i went to uni. hell, i literally did NONE of my in-class work and none of my philosophy readings in uni….. so i have fuck all idea of how i got through undergrad like that lmao. i’m not original when so many people can articulate the same thoughts that i have, but like, sometimes better, on a post (even though sometimes/most of the time the Tumblr User Hot Takes Tuesday™️ takes on here are fucking awful lmao). but still. originality is not something i really have anymore. or really had in the first place lmao.

so will i deactivate after these 10 years, like i’ve been saying for so, so long??? i honestly have no idea. but just know. thanks guise. have a nice gpoy selfie day XD. grab your wands. your tardises. grab your war paint. grab your whatever the fuck other fandom specific stuff that was one that hella cringe post from 2011 til 2015 random tumblr. that relic is as old as time itself. just as this mysterious roaring pikachu is for someone whose too loyal to leave this W E B B E D H E L L S I T E that’s just as much of a train wreck as she is. lmao.

[robron1609]

Robron Week 2021 - Day 1

Meet-Ugly + "That's not an explanation."

New Beginnings

(ao3 link)

Aaron’s eyelids fluttered like a candle in the wind, the hustle and bustle of the city pecking away at his head with a sledgehammer. The bitter taste of ale, the fruity taste of wine and all the combined spices of every spirit known to man were stagnant on his tongue as he peeled his damp limbs off the leather sofa beneath him.

He let out a dry cough and it felt like someone had shot him in the brain during his sleep. But other than that, he was as right as rain.

It took him longer than he would care to admit to remember that he did, in fact, not own a single item of furniture that had even an inch of leather on it, and he lived in the in the middle of bloody nowhere where the only thing (apart from his mother) that made him shake a leg in the morning was the bellows of Moira’s cows when their troughs were being topped up.

So, there’s that.

His brain caught up and he bolted upright, his whole face moulding into a sculpture of what, where, when, how and why. He took in his brand-spanking-new surroundings; a lavish penthouse overlooking London’s skyline, decked out from head to toe in a fusion of ultra modern and industrial pieces. Not really his style, to put it nicely. It looked like something straight off the front page of one of those overpriced interior design magazines on the top shelf of David’s shop that no one ever bought.

Aaron could only hope that whoever lived here was some bloke he’d pulled in the haze of last night, if it wasn’t then… what the actual fuck was he doing here?

When the room had stopped spinning on all its axis and Aaron was eighty-nine percent sure that he would be able to hold his vomit in if necessary, he braved the hallways in search of other life. He detoured to stand in front of a back-lit mirror that had beckoned him over, and he was introduced to his reflection. It gawked right back at him, dressed in nothing but a pair of neon yellow boxers and a Scottish flag that he was wearing as a cape. The flag was fastened loosely around his neck with a frayed shoelace and there was a big tear down the centre of it.

Jesus fucking shit. Absurd didn’t even begin to cover it.

Sweat dripped down his top lip when he heard a deep voice through the wall. He teetered around the corner until he was close enough to pick up most of the words.

“I won’t be in today.” There was a pause. “Does it fucking matter?” Nice manners, then. “Look, unless you want me hurling all over the new contact, I suggest you grow a pair and attend the meeting without me.”

Aaron gripped the glossed door frame, his clammy hands squeaking on the wood as he snuck a look at who the voice was coming from. The man was stunning. He was all sun-kissed skin, choppy blond hair, and a gorgeous mouth that dipped dramatically in the corner.

“Shit!” With a jolt, the blond dropped his phone and it landed on his face with a mocking smack.

“Sorry-”

“Why are you in my house?!”

“I’m Aaron.” No shit, Aaron.

“That’s not an explanation!”

“Sorry.”

Aaron cringed. All of a sudden he was big on apologies, apparently. Blondie was now sitting up, scratching the fluff on the nape of his neck as he shuffled out of bed and adjusted his duvet accordingly whenever it slipped below his waistline. He just glared at Aaron, waiting to hear something that made sense.

“I was kinda hoping you could tell me,” Aaron said, using all of his self-control to stop his eyes from drifting downwards. “My head’s mashed. I remember being on the train with Adam and Vic, and then-”

“Vic as in my sister Vic?”

Aaron just stood there, catching flies. “I- I dunno, I think so. Sugden?”

“Uh-huh.”

Ohhhh, Robert Sugden. Aaron finally put a name to the face and felt like giving himself a pat on the back.

��..

“Here you go. Extra strong.”

"Ta."

Aaron warmly accepted the cup of coffee, the steam flying off it and dissolving in his pores. He used the piping hot liquid to swamp down some paracetamol before tightening the strap on the dressing gown that Robert had lent him a little earlier with a side-eye and a grumbled, “Make sure you give it back.”

With the current cycle rumbling the machine into the ground, Aaron glanced at the digital timer displayed on the appliance. Just forty-eight minutes until he could grab his screwed up clothes, slap them on, and leg it to the underground with his tail between his legs. The longest forty-eight minutes of his life, no doubt.

Hoping to make a crack in the ice, Robert led Aaron to the scene of last night’s crime. Through the sliding doors, across the patio and up the spiral stairs, secluded in the corner and illuminated by the steady flicker of the firepit. Robert was surprised that it hadn’t burnt out in the early morning under the April showers.

The rooftop terrace was what sold this place for Robert. It was his haven, complete with everything that made his superficial heart weep. This morning, however, it looked how he felt.

He absorbed the aftershocks of his party (shards of glass littering the outdoor table, remains of finger foods welded to the deck, and a pair of nude stilettos abandoned on the bar) and sagged. Turning thirty was dismal enough without having to clean up after his colleagues. Or, as he liked to call them, a bunch of wound up, hoity-toity pen pushers who didn’t even know his middle name—just a sniff of free booze and they were squeezing into a Ralph Laurent polo that still had the label on, and patting him on back with a bout of boisterous laughter as if they were best mates.

Wow, he was in dire need of some proper friends.

Aaron propped himself up on the bar. “Bet you don’t get tired of this,” he said, looking out at the sparkling city.

“It’s a great hangover cure,” Robert said, nursing his Americano and watching the ripples dance over the surface as he lightly blew it. “It can be lonely, though,” he admitted, unsure as to why. This handsome and hungover stranger was just waiting for his ticket out of here, he didn’t want or need to become Robert’s agony uncle to fill the time, that was for sure.

“Why’s that?”

Oh. Perhaps Aaron, for one reason or another, cared. Or he’s got nowhere else he needs to be and Robert’s left him with no choice but to sit and listen because it's the polite thing to do. Aaron looked at Robert all doe-eyed and Robert wanted to stay here until he’d told Aaron every single intricate detail of his life up until this point. But that seemed a little crass.

“Don’t know, really. I just… don’t like to be alone with my thoughts, I suppose. And being up here, well, it’s a whole lot of that.”

“I know what you mean,” Aaron said. “How long have you lived here?”

"Nearly two years on the whole." Robert calculated, Aaron giving him an amicable nod in response. Robert licked the coffee froth off his lips, clearing his throat. "I've lived in London a while, though. Since I left the village, pretty much."

"And you never thought about going back?"

"I couldn't." That would mean looking back. And after the trail of destruction he'd left in his wake, that was never going to happen. They were better off without him. Or at least his Dad and Andy were. Vic and Dianne never stopped reaching out, however, offering their support through texts and unanswered voicemails.

Aaron changed the topic, sensing that Robert's internal trip down memory lane wasn't a smooth ride. "You heard anything from Vic and Adam?"

"They were both flat out in the spare room last time I checked," Robert answered. He'd been less than pleased to find them entwined together on top of the duvet, dead to the world as Adam slobbered away on the satin pillowcase like an excited dog, and Vic let out a mishmash of unconscious sounds from sniffles to whistles, her makeup crusty and her outfit dishevelled by a night's sleep in it.

"Vic had a whole itinerary planned. Some museum, Leicester Square, and then this ridiculous hipster coffee shop near the station," Aaron said with a dreary eye roll. "Even though our train leaves just after two."

"She's just excited. She doesn't come here often."

"'Suppose not."

"Anyway, I recommended that coffee shop so you better not miss it," Robert said. Aaron snorted because of course he did. "Come on."

Robert rose, perking up a bit as he stretched his arms until they clicked with satisfaction. Aaron followed in his footsteps, literally, but they stopped in their tracks, coming face to face with a rumbled Victoria.

She looked dead and alive all at the same time as she swung her phone about. "There they are, the newly engaged couple."

Robert choked on air and Aaron gave him a splash of side-eye before snatching Vic’s phone. "What are you on about?" And Aaron had to check that the digital date displayed in the top left corner of the screen wasn't April the 1st. Nope, it was indeed the 23rd. And under that was a Facebook post on his profile; a blurry, backlit photo of him and Robert flashing the camera with two rings that didn’t even match, accompanied by a slurred caption.

yayy ENGAAAAAGED! whoop whoop!! hears to many many many many many year <3

Aaron groaned, throwing his head back in sheer embarrassment when Vic grabbed a hold of his and Robert’s left hands. Sure enough, the rings were still there. “Oh my God,” she cackled, her voice like a siren in the middle of the night. “This is brilliant. A few more of those cocktails and you’d be halfway to vegas, ey?”

Robert massaged his temples, kneading roughly at his dry skin. “Whatever’s in them is lethal,” he grumbled, peering over Aaron’s shoulder as he watched him scroll through the comments and squeeze his eyes shut in disbelief at each one.

“It’s your bar, mate. You should know what it’s serving,” Aaron said. He had a point. “Let’s just pray we left it at cheap rings.”

(Aaron couldn’t even begin to fathom at what point during the party he and Robert had fled the penthouse and ended up at a jewellers of all places. Who’d thought a proposal was the perfect end to a not-so-perfect night? Who’d taken that photo? And who in their right mind was selling giant fabric flags in the early hours of the morning? It would be a miracle if he becomes sober enough to answer at least one of those questions.)

Robert pouted. “That’s a shame. I’ll cancel the tickets to Vegas, then,” he teased.

“I dunno, I could do with a holiday just to get over the shame.” Robert grinned at the younger man’s flirty tone.

“Cheers,” Robert scoffed. Aaron handed the phone back to Vic who watched the pair with a knowing glint in her eye, her head bouncing back and forth between them.

“Only joking,” Aaron said. “Could be worse.”

Vic pocketed her mobile with a yawn and tightened her ponytail. “Right, I’m gonna drag my lump of a boyfriend out of bed and start gathering our stuff. I’ll leave you two to plan the wedding of the century, shall I?”

Vic left the rooftop, her flats scuffing all the way down the metal staircase. Robert gulped down the remains of his coffee and turned to Aaron with a smirk.

“So, fiancé,”–Aaron shot Robert a fiery glare which, if Robert didn’t know any better, would leave a bruise on his ego–“I know a great place where we can get some brunch. Why don’t we ditch Vic and Adam and I’ll drop you off at King’s Cross after.”

Aaron pulled a face. “ Brunch? I’m not paying £8.99 for a plain scone.”

“My treat.” Robert offered, hoping that would seal the deal.

“Like a date?”

“If you want it to be.” Aaron paused for a beat, not that there was ever much to contemplate.

“Fine.” Robert didn’t miss the bashful smile taking over Aaron’s face. Robert bit the inside of his cheek when Aaron began to descend the stairs. He crammed his hands in his pockets, his heart going into overdrive as he kicked his feet into gear.

[lycorogue]

Miraculous World: New York - United HeroeZ live-blogging (sorta)

Okay, it’s hard for me to live-blog everything I want to squee about, especially with the first watch. But I’m still wide awake and watching the re-air so let’s see how I do. (Turns out, I’m a slower typer than I thought and most of this was done post-watch again :P )

I absolutely love this special’s opening credits. It has a very Marvel feel. Nice.

Um... Uh... Did... Did Cristina Vee forget her Ladybug/Marinette voice over the break? I’m not liking this voice. I’m not liking it at all. STOP WITH THE VOICE! NOOOOOOO! (Also... Mr. Pigeon... Again? -_- )

Love that Adrien has started looking up the meaning of roses so he can find one Ladybug will actually accept. XD The boy tries so hard. <3

Hubby thought that Cristina might have decided to change up Ladybug’s voice so it’s not so obvious she’s Marinette (a la Batman) but the deeper voice is still here for Marinette. WHYYYYY!? The hiatus was clearly too long. She’s completely forgotten Marinette’s voice. OTL

Awww, Miss Bustier is pregnant!? She’ll be a great mom! eeeee

Also, smoooooooooth Marinette. Adrien is TOTALLY just a friend now... >_> Poor Luka. -_-

Also... ALYA’S VOICE IS WRONG TOO! WHAT THE HECK! WHYYYYYYYY. THIS IS SO AWESOME BUT I JUST CAN’T WITH THESE NEW VOICES! Everyone sounds deeper and gruffer... is that because the VAs are out of practice? Is it because they had to record at home with different equipment? What’s going on!?

Of COURSE Gabriel suspects a Miraculous in America. Good way to bring him to the States. At least Keith Silverstein remembered his Gabriel/Hawk Moth voice. I don’t know if I could have handled either Hawky or Adrien having the wrong tone of voice in this.

Oh. Oh no! Oh dear! Nathalie’s voice is the worst! At least hers can be explained away that she’s still recovering from the Battle for the Miracle Box but... *cringe*

KAGAMI’S OFF TOO! I think it’s 100% the actors not remembering the voices they used for these characters. -_- Such a shame. This movie is amazing, but the voices are so hard for me to get past. 

OMG, THE LITTLE CAT TO ALERT LADYBUG IS FLIPPIN’ ADORABLE! I’d hit the button a million times myself, so I feel ya, Chat Noir. Also, BRILLIANT play, Ladybug. :D

Equally brilliant plan on Plagg’s part. At least, it would have been if they were able to actually exercise it. Also.... WHERE DID THIS POWER OF FLIGHT COME FROM AND WHY DIDN’T THEY USE IT BEFORE!? >_> Me thinks the recipe for this power is magically going to be forgotten again once we get into the show proper.

Also, I know there will be salt thrown by the handful at Adrien after this special BUT THE BOY DIDN’T WANT TO ABANDON PARIS! He was going to stay and give up his class trip, but Plagg was right, when does Gabriel ever give him the freedom to do something like this? As someone who never got to go on any out-of-state (let alone out-of-country) class trips, I know how hard FOMO hits. If I had the chance, I would have jumped at it, ESPECIALLY after Plagg came up with a solid plan. EVEN SO, HE WAS GOING TO STAY! PLAGG CONVINCED HIM! And Plagg meant well. He wanted his kid to have a taste of freedom. Just... JUST LEAVE THESE TWO PRECIOUS BEANS ALONE, SALTERS!

UPDATE: The salters did NOT leave Adrien alone for this -_-

-_- And of course Luka’s voice is ALSO off. Still, my boy RACING A FRIGGEN BUS so Marinette can make the trip to NYC! SUCH A FRIGGEN GOOD BOI AND HOW CAN FANS HATE HIM HE’S JUST AMAZING AND *chef kiss* My heart just BREAKS for him though, because he’s sending his would-be girlfriend off on a weeklong class trip with her “former” crush and he KNOWS she’s still in love, but he’s not asking her to stay or pushing her to give up on Adrien and omg this kid is too pure my poor son!

UPDATE: So, apparently the hate mostly comes from Luka being - excuse the pun but - “one note” where as Kagami is more fleshed out and well rounded? Really? We know just as much about her as we do Luka. Just because we’ve seen Kagami flawed and we haven’t particularly seen Luka stumble that makes her more well-rounded? What if we just haven’t seen what Luka’s bad at? It IS possible to write someone whose flaws don’t necessarily come up often without them being some 2D Mary Sue. Give the writers (and Luka) a chance....

Awww. Adrien feeling guilty about leaving Paris and Ladybug. :’( But look at how cheered up he was just by SEEING Marinette! LOOK AT HOW HE RACED TO HER TO SEE WHERE SHE WAS SITTING!

Aaaaand then she panics. -_- This could have been Startrain all over again, but NOOOOO she’s now so focused on “he’s just a friend and I have to get over him” that she just has 0 chill around him anymore. -_- Go back to admitting you have a crush and just stumbling over yourself around him, huh?

(The Adrienette is STRONG in this scene though and I’m eating it up)

LOOK AT HOW DISAPPOINTED ADRIEN LOOKS SINCE SHE RAN OFF FROM HIM! WHYYYYYYY? And he has to be stuck sitting between his bodyguard and Mendeleiev. Poor kid doesn’t even have a friend to chat with on the long flight. TT3TT 

(So kind of serves Marinette right that she ALSO feels guilty about leaving Paris and now she has Mr. Damocles falling asleep on her instead of Adrien!)

I do appreciate that Cristina seems to be remembering Marinette’s voice more-or-less finally. Yay.

EEEEEE The sunset on the plane scene!!!!! <3 He speaks so softly to her and <3 <3 <3 (Also... Bryce Papenbrook seemed to have lost his Adrien voice in this recording... -_- )

UUUgh... was that still Ben Diskin doing Nino’s voice during the whole Operation New York dialogue with Alya? That didn’t sound anything like Nino! *sigh* Again, the main problem I have with this is the actors didn’t seem to get back into character before recording. Such a shame.

UPDATE: It was in fact NOT Ben Diskin anymore. :’( The new voice actor did well enough, but it just wasn’t Nino. I’m sure it will feel more like him the more I hear it, but I already miss the Southern Cali 90s Surfer Dude accent, even if it made no sense for a Gen Z Parisian to have it in the first place.

Awww, Mr. Damocles changing into his Knight Owl costume. <3 And then had to change back out of it. XD

They... actually named a superhero Uncanny Valley......

Knight Owl and Sparrow, AKA Batman and Robin.

“That’s just Captain Redlight directing traffic.” XD I mean, yeah, we have a lot of superhero characters but I think this is a bit much.

Alya oh so discretely pointing to Marinette as Nino directs Adrien to look out the window to see how beautiful NYC is. XD

AAAAAAND sliding doors vs Adrienette part 1. LOL I love how Aeon instantly figured out that Adrienette belong together.

Ooooooo Sabrina is gonna get herself an American boyfriend (And look at how jealous Chloe gets XD)

Adrien’s Soft Smile as Marinette realizes she was resting her hand on his stomach as she was hiding from Ms. Mendeleiev. So cute!

“Is it a bird?” “A plane” “No, it’s Hotdog Dan!” Oh. Em. Gee. Seriously? Ketchup Boy and Mustard Justice? Why!? Who came up with these code names!? XDDD

HOW DID NINO AND ALYA JUST RIP A HOTDOG IN HALF!?

eeeeeeeeeeeee THE FLOATING SCENE!!!!

Also, helium-voiced Nino commenting about his chick having wings <3

“Do you know this song?” I KNEW INSTANTLY WHERE ALYA WAS GOING WITH THIS AND I’M 100% HERE FOR IT. I AM SCREAMING!

Adrien’s soft asking Marinette to dance with him? He was practically PLEADING for her to say yes! And then she just scurries away from him!? And he grabs her hand to stop her from floating away. And then they just... nuzzle into each other as they dance and... yup. I’m screaming. <3 <3 <3 <3 (Also, the dance was at a party Chloe threw to prove to Adrien that she can be nice; it wasn’t her birthday, but I guess canonically it now was????)

Superheroes in America don’t have to hide their identities... perhaps someone should look into the comic book run of Avengers Civil War and decide if that’s a good thing... >_>

“I don’t mind being stuck with a friend like you” My heart is just flatlining. Like. ADRIEN, JUST SAY YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH HER ALREADY, OKAY!?

Jess and Aeon’s plan is as convoluted as one of Marinette’s XD I just love these two and I hope we see more of them.

Ah, Alya and Nino are good at manipulating their friends. 

Paris is under attack! Oh no! 0_0 

Ah, bargain-bin Doctor Octopus

After fully watching the special I know the answer, but when first hearing Sparrow I wondered if maybe Jess was genderfluid. Kind of a reverse of the Sailor Stars.

The transformation for the American heroes is both awesome and ridiculous and I love them.

“Marinette’s in danger” Adrien then INSTANTLY becomes Chat Noir to save her! <3 <3 <3 <3 I FREAKED when I first watched this part because I was afraid he might have spotted (excuse the pun) Marinette transforming. I was also curious how they were going to explain why they were in NYC. “I’ll explain later” is a good excuse. They are preoccupied by the villain and that gives him time to come up with a lie. Smart?

Aaaaand Cristina Vee forgot her Ladybug voice again. I hope this isn’t a new thing; switching up her voice for Ladybug. I’m not much of a fan, especially since she hasn’t always done it. :/

It kills me that Sparrow constantly comments about not calling for backup and gets in trouble for not calling when Sparrow DID try and the communicator was destroyed.

*flinch* The Chat Noir Cataclysm scene. My heart. It hurts. Poor Adrien. </3 All the guilt he has to hold for the majority of the second half of this thing.

EDIT: Totally forgot about the “American superhero gets understandably emotional over a loved one and smashes the villain through about half-a-dozen buildings with complete disregard for the collateral damage” trope.

Dollar Store Batman couldn’t figure out the manhole cover wasn’t in place. Whoops.

The breakdown scene where Ladybug lets Chat Noir know about how her powers work and how she can’t repair Paris. And Adrien giving up his powers. </3 And even though she’s so upset, and she felt betrayed by Chat Noir, the fact that she INSTANTLY yelled when she heard him renouncing his Miraculous and relinquishing it to Ladybug! And her TEARS as she realizes she lost him and won’t be able to return his Miraculous to him since she can’t even ask Fu to return it anymore!? Aaaaaaaaa! My heart!

“Gilbert?” XD I’m sorry but just hearing the poor little Eagle calling out the name is just too adorable.

ADRIEN WANDERING ALONE IN THE RAIN!? MARINETTE LOOKING ONTO THE CAT MIRACULOUS ALSO IN THE RAIN!? MY HEART IS BREAAAAAAAKINGGGGGG

The press conference requesting the NYC residents to stay inside until further notice. >_> Yeah... that... that might not work out so well if real life is any indication.....

“I wouldn’t have minded being stuck here a little longer with a friend like you.” >______< OH MY GOD, ADRIEN! (Also, Bryce lost his Adrien voice again... *sigh*)

Oh, and Marinette trying to chase him down to finally confess!? TT3TT

Oh man. Releasing a superhero from her fear of her powers. That can’t be.... yup. There goes like a dozen buildings in Manhattan.... -_-

Of course the POTUS is a superhero as well.... with access to weapons. Greaaaat. This isn’t a terrifying thought right about now.

I adore Sparrow. I ADORE SPARROW. I ABSOLUTELY FRIGGEN ADORE SPARROW!

About a million missile launchers hidden throughout the streets of NYC... >_< This isn’t hitting close to home or anything.

Eeeeeee. Marinette isn’t just unsure she can be Ladybug without A Chat Noir. She needs HER Chat Noir. She needs ADRIEN specifically. (Also, there goes Bryce once more forgetting his Adrien voice. Maybe he forgot what Adrien sounds like when he’s sad???)

UPDATE: Can we just talk for a minute the significance that Uncanny Valley - the superhero (accidentally) KILLED by Chat Noir (even if she was revived shortly after) - is the one happily returning Adrien’s superhero powers to him? How she has NO malice towards whatsoever towards Chat Noir? How SHE is the one to tell him that “to err is human”!? Beautiful! Love it! 

Nice. I liked that Uncanny can’t see the kwamis. Nice continuity.

THE LADYNOIR GLOMP! She was so afraid to never see him again. I LOVE how much this solidifies how important he is to HER, if not the team itself. 

The Americans being coerced by a foreign power to start a world war. -_- This truly is hitting too close to home right now....

Uh...How did Ladybug come up with the plan to trick Doorman to go to the Statue of Liberty? Both her and Adrien were already out of the room when he talked about the mystery of Eiffel’s safe inside the statue, and Marinette didn’t have any time to talk to Alya, so the two of them couldn’t have discussed how Doorman resisted figuring out this mystery because you don’t use your superhero powers for personal gain. Did she just luck into there being a mystery there that Doorman wanted to solve? Slight continuity issue there with the writing.... Whoops.

Awww, poor Doorman. He just wants to know the answer to the mystery!

Eagle’s transformation is so awesome! I love it. I love her. I want more of these American superheroes and wielders.

I love that Knight Owl and Sparrow are hand-me-down superhero titles! 

Oh my god, Hawk Moth slowly walking backwards dramatically from the window. XD WHY IS THIS MAN SO EXTRA AS WELL!? At least we know where Adrien gets it from. :P

I FORGOT ABOUT THE GORILLA! OMG! THAT IS AN AMAZING CALL BACK TO HIM! XDDD

So the American Miracle Box looks like it’s filled with Native American styled jewelry. So... are they based off the spirit totems!? I NEED TO KNOW MOOOOOOOORE!

UPDATE: Upon really paying attention to the opening credits, yes, the American Miraculous do indeed seem to be based off spirit totems.

I’m sure there’s more that I reacted to in real-time, but, as I mentioned at the top, I wasn’t writing fast enough to keep up with the pace of the show itself, so this is also largely by memory. :P Oh well. Always wanted to do a sort of reaction post about this series. One thing off the fandom bucket list, I guess.

[hashtagkairideservedbetter]

My main issue(s) with KH3

Spoilers abound, so please don’t read if you haven’t beaten the game or don’t want any negative opinions influencing how you see the ending/ the game. I did enjoy several parts of KH3, but this post is focused on things I had issues with, and if you don’t want to see criticism of your media please look elsewhere. 

This is how I interpreted the game as someone coming into KH3 with KH2 being the last game I played, and a playlist of youtube videos spanning lets plays, summaries, and humorous deconstructions as a codex. 

Here’s the thing. I’ve seen several people already break down how KH3′s story and pacing could have been handled better. Specifically, to more comprehensively tie in the 10,000 plot points that needed to be covered in a way that actually helps connect the main characters. I’m not going to get into all of that, because frankly I can’t fake knowing enough about the background lore of Kingdom Hearts to know how to better juggle all of the intermediary games into KH3. 

Most of my grievances honestly lie with the handling of the Destiny Trio and the Disney Worlds. 

I’m going to do a read more on this because it’s gonna be a long one. (Also very much a train of thought, so disorganized, sorry). 

So. Sora. Protagonist of the game (mostly. kind of?). 

A cheerful ray of sunshine.

A Keyblade wielder who has overcome traumatizing ordeals that tore him away from all he loved and knew at least twice now for over three years. 

A continuity disaster stuck being pinballed back and forth between happy goofs and hollow tragedies every thirty minutes in between busywork battles and off-scene disney films for 85% of KH3. 

I understand that Sora’s greatest power is supposed to be his optimism, as it’s sort of the prerequisite for going through disney worlds where people sing about their problems. I get it.  

However, there’s a difference between, “I’m naive and happy and oblivious and that’s why I’m a guardian of the light,” and “I have battled true darkness and felt true loss and decided that choosing to be kind, choosing to embrace joy in new experiences and relationships, is a bigger middle finger to the darkness than anything else.” Guess which one I prefer. Guess which one I was thinking would finally be Sora’s character arc. Instead he’s happy, happy, happy, happy... and then suddenly in the eleventh hour having a mental breakdown. 

Sora is written into a loop every game of kind, naive, but unchanging (”Don’t ever change, Sora”). That was endearing when we were both 14, but after almost twenty years it gets tiring to watch Sora get hit with a reset button every time you meet up with him again. There’s a scene in the gummi ship early on in the games where Donald asks Sora to “take this seriously,” and Goofy remarks that they seem to be stuck in a rut as Donald and Sora have the same conversation over and over again before entering the first series of Disney worlds. Sora knows he needs the power of waking in order to help his friends and free those trapped in his heart, but seems content to just drop into various worlds and wing it, and hope that it all sort of works out. 

And then when it does work out, and Sora uses the power to save everyone, he’s immediately told he’s doomed now? Like, what was the point of him being able to use this to connect with people if he’s doomed. Why did they want him to have this. What’s the point then of Sora having these strong connections. 

Each world makes a big scene about the friendships and connections that Sora makes so easily, but in KH3 there never seems to be enough time for Sora to actually pay them any attention unless the person is right in front of him. Sora seems to make connections for the sake of making connections in KH3, and the ones he has, he does very little to advance or reconnect with.  

Like, the whole point of 100 Acre Wood this time was apparently that Sora’s connection to Pooh was weaker for some reason. I honestly didn’t understand the reason or how it was magically resolved just from Sora showing up and saying hi? But whatever. 

My two least favorite worlds were Corona and Arendelle, for the same reason. There was no believable connection between Sora and the characters there. For fuck’s sake, the combat ally you get in Arendelle is the snow monster, not even a main character.

Sora is like the living embodiment of the B99 clip of Rosa with her dog. He just met Elsa and spoke a whopping five sentences to her, but damn if he won’t climb a mountain five times just for her to save herself without ever talking to him again. Like, literally that is the only interaction Sora has with Elsa. Same thing with Anna, and in her case I literally had to mute my tv so I could track what she was actually saying since they decided to shove two songs from the movie into this game.  

You spend the majority of your time in these worlds trying to play catch up to the leads as they have their movie play out around the bend in the road in front of you, out of your sight. Props to Disney’s ego that they think I remember the beat by beat plots of their films when they came out 9 years ago (Tangled) and 6 years ago (Frozen). I actually had the thought of going and watching Tangled just to remember what Flynn and Rapunzel got up to while Sora wandered around a marsh and had a pointless conversation with Marluxia. 

(Also, getting real tired of the “Good to see you Sora” “Who the fuck are you?” “Oh that’s right you don’t remember that game haha it’s fine it was a gameboy game nobody even knows what those are anymore.” That shit was getting old midway through KH2.) 

To be fair, the PoTC world suffers from the same problem as the other two. Sora shows up, sees everyone for thirty seconds, gets separated, and while we’re dicking around trying to find white crabs on the islands there’s a whole movie going on that we don’t see or participate in. I feel really bad for anyone who did not keep up with that franchise because I only watched the third movie the once and I was confused as hell. Also, the whole time I was finding the crabs in Port Royal all I could think about was this ProZD video. 

I just. I’m 26 years old. These movies hold no nostalgia for me, and maybe that’s the problem. I already had a connection to Aladdin, Peter Pan, etc, so I was maybe more willing to suspend my disbelief and just enjoy the interactions. But those Disney worlds also felt more tied in to the plot. You can make the argument of Marluxia and Larxene putting pressure on Sora to find the Wayfinders so that six princesses of heart aren’t used as backup... but where are the other three? Anna, Elsa, Rapunzel, and Kairi make four. Where’s Merida, Tiana, Moana? Mulan or Pocahontas even, since Moana was probably too recent. (But probs not, as it was probably starting development in 2014). If that’s going to be yet another subplot, shouldn’t you at least see it through?  

My point is, I can distinctly recall prior games mostly keeping to the established script in the disney worlds, but still letting Sora really get in there and interact with the characters. The heartless, nobodies, etc were a real wrench in the works for the plots, and had an actual effect on how the story was told and the order of events. Sora felt more involved in cutscenes and was an active participant in the world’s events instead of just a bystander. 

In KH1 and KH2 there was a dialogue happening between the villain of each world and a greater evil. Hell, in KH1 they were a unified council! In KH3 they’re puppets who don’t even talk to the bigger bad like Randall or Mother Gothel, or are there for a whopping thirty seconds like Hans. It makes it more and more obvious that the Disney worlds are just being shoehorned in as a contractual obligation than for any real purpose anymore.

 The only world that’s appeared in all three games, Olympus, was especially jarring. Like, you could tell there was a lot of corners cut on what VAs they could get for this game, as Phil does not speak once. Meg spends more time making eyes at Hercules and nodding than showing any of the sass she has from the film. (This was a thing in KH2 as well tho so I can’t complain about them continuing to drop the ball on even background women characters-- Oh wait, I can, because they’ve had T H I R T E E N YEARS to get it right.) 

Which I guess is as good a segue as any into Kairi Time. 

Listen. Did I mention I’m 26? Yeah. I started reading fanfic on livejournal. I was there when AO3 first got its start. I’ve seen the shipping wars. I know the dark past of Soriku vs Sokai.

I couldn’t give less of a fuck. 

These characters are still 16 and I am now 26. I’m fine with them trading noogies and maybe being able to kick back and play some Mario Kart. Kairi would wipe the floor with both of them because she had time to get good enough to beat Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie combined between KH1 and KH2. 

The point is, I don't care one way or the other about shipping. If my 15 year old self were here, they would be horrified I wasn't over the moon when Kairi and Sora finally shared the paopu fruit. As it is, I kind of stared blankly at my screen and went 'huh, there's gonna be a lot of fanfic fixing this moment.'  From both sides, I think, because even if you're into Sokai you gotta admit that moment did not feel romantic. It felt forced. Like "Oh hey, we've been putting this off, huh. Welp, here we go!" 

It doesn't help that I really, truly, don't like whoever Kairi's VA is in this game. Like, she sounds so ditzy and soft. Get that shit out of here. The dialogue and voice acting in this series has never been its strength, but honestly, I cringed my way through every interaction between Kairi and Axel because of how stilted and bad their conversations were! I’m definitely not saying that Kairi’s voice was stellar in 1 and 2, but at least her voice was clear, and had personality, and by the end of 2 was actually fairly strong. She sounded strong, and determined to be fighting with Sora and Riku, green as she was then, in the World That Never Was.

Whenever she talked in the third one I just sort of grit my teeth and wondered why someone on the production team wanted Kairi to sound so weak. 

Then they killed her at the labyrinth and I said, ‘Ah, that tracks.’ 

I played FFXV, so I guess shame on me for not seeing the signs when the girl love interest is about to be capable and not needing the hero to save her. She gets taken! And killed. Fool me twice, shame on me. 

I actually saw people excited about that Verum Rex thing and after seeing the Noctis ripoff reaching for the Luna ripoff covered in purple light I laughed, and laughed. And then sighed and reached for a stiff drink. 

All this to say that while I’m angry but not truly surprised that Kairi was once again shafted, I’m all the more pissed that they did it in the laziest, most insulting way possible by hinging it all on Sora needing a reason to fight Xehanort. Like, really???? Really. That’s your angle. The man-pain trope is so painfully overdone. Please. It’s 2019. Come into the future with us, Nomura. 

And I feel bad that all of the stuff I just wrote mostly revolves around Kairi being Sora’s romantic interest. But that’s because that’s all this game allowed her to be! Princess of light what? Bequeathed Keyblade wielder in her own right who??? Every battle she and Axel share with Sora they get their asses kicked in 30 seconds flat, so maybe Merlin should have left them suspended in time a little longer. Maybe long enough to convince someone out there in the universe that these two deserved to be competent. 

Hell, not just competent. Amazing. Kairi deserved to be able to stand on her own two feet and hold her own. To be running alongside her boys and not just be an object for them to tussle over or save. As Aqua’s somewhat successor, she deserved to be a terrifying wielder of battle magicks and flurries of light magic. 

To be replaced by Xion was just insult to injury. Like, I’m very happy that Xion got her heart back and was reunited with Roxas and Axel, but she didn’t need to be brought back at Kairi’s expense. The world won’t implode if the replica and actual person inhabit the same space. 

Which is leads us to our third member. 

Riku. To be fair. Riku got the most growth as a person out of the three of these kids, easy. We finally see a Riku who is confident in himself and his journey, and willing to take everything he learned along the way to help Mickey, Aqua, and even his own replica. However.... 

He doesn’t seem to give two shits about Kairi anymore? Did they even talk, like, once during the whole game? I can’t recall a single instance where Sora, Kairi, and Riku were in the same place together where it was just them, and they held an actual conversation. Hell, where they even said “Hi, how’s it going? What have you learned, had any good food lately?” 

God, even when Kairi was taken, and then when she was killed, Riku had one moment of anger, and then was completely, like, chill again, and back to talking Sora down. Like, what? I don’t want any love triangle bullshit, but Riku and Kairi were friends as much as Sora and Kairi and Sora and Riku are friends. 

And that’s what bothered me the most about the disappearance of Kairi introducing this bullshit narrative of Sora abusing his power of waking. He spent two games trying to get him, Riku, and Kairi together. But he doesn’t want Riku to help him get Kairi back? And Riku’s just going to let him go?! After all Riku has done and learned about falling to darkness and clawing yourself back to light and peace, he’s just going to let Sora do the same?

I call bullshit. 

And this is why when Sora suddenly faded out of view on the beach next to Kairi I slowly leaned back in my chair, dropped my controller into my lap, and flipped off my tv screen with both hands.

[sunshinechii-scenarios]

Jump

Wth, why are all of my titles super corny and one-worded. I suck at titles and descriptions and I apologize for all of that. But I actually really like this scenario because...because I’ll explain a bit in the afterword aha -Sunni

✿ Bangtan’s Yoongi x Female!Reader ✿ Angst ✿ 1.8k words ✿ Not requested ✿ Written by Sunni

I made the following divider so please don’t take it or use in your own posts, thank you .- Chii

      You sat in your apartment, waiting for another movie night with Yoongi. The popcorn was ready, desserts laid out, and several movie options prepared. You had even turned up the heat. The weather had been ridiculously cold lately. Even though you could feel the heat coming in through the vent, you still felt cold. Rapping your fingers on the table in front of you, you sighed. It was too quiet. It was letting you think.

      But perhaps that was a positive. You had to think about what you were going to say to Yoongi, anyways. For days, you had been rehearsing this stupid dialogue. But Yoongi tended to be so unpredictable that you still felt completely unprepared.

~flashback~

      It was Hoseok’s birthday party, everyone was already tipsy or drunk, and of course he wanted to play truth or dare. Hoseok was so drunk, he was screaming every word he said. As if he wasn’t already a loud person in general. “Truth or dare! Spin the bottle! Let’s play an American game,” he was screaming over the music. People cheered in response and you rolled your eyes. They were you friends, yes, but sometimes you questioned why.

       “What’s that pout for?” Yoongi asked, suddenly appearing next to you. He had a beer in each hand and offered you one. You politely declined and turned to look at him. His voice was slightly slurred and his eyes seemed a but distant.

      “You’re drunk, too?”

      “Just tipsy. I’m a real lightweight so I can’t drink a lot,” Yoongi explained. You laughed at the thought of a drunk Yoongi. This was already funny enough. He looked like he was going to fall asleep any second now.

      By now, people were sitting in a circle. Someone placed an empty beer bottle in the middle of the circle. “Yoongi! Y/N! Minsoo! Come on, you guys!” Taehyung hollered. Reluctantly, you walked over and took an open seat next to him. You expected Yoongi to sit next to him but Jimin, who was on the other side of the circle, was practically pulling the boy into his lap.

      “Who wants to go first?”

      “Hello~” Hoseok trailed off. “I’m the birthday boy.” Seriously, he was so drunk. Seizing the bottle for himself, Hoseok spun it so violently, it spun across the floor rather than around at first. Finally it slowed to a stop. Everyone’s expectant eyes followed the top of the bottle. Yoongi. It was pointing to Yoongi. A bunch of people whooped. Someone clapped Hoseok on the back and he hiccuped.

      You immediately started cracking up. Of course it would land on Yoongi on the first freaking try. You wondered if Hoseok would actually kiss him. Probably. He was certainly drunk enough. The real question was if Yoongi would allow the kiss to happen.

      Hoseok crawled across the floor to Yoongi and grabbed his face with both hands. “Pucker up, Suga Baby!”

     Yoongi’s eyes widened and he pushed Hoseok’s arms so his hands fell. “No way!”

      Everyone started booing, including you. Yoongi let out an audible groan and turned his face to the side. He was only going to allow a kiss on the cheek? What a coward. Hoseok saw his opportunity and didn’t hesitate. He left a sloppy, wet kiss on Yoongi’s cheek and pulled away with a dramatic “Mwah!” Yoongi was cringing the whole time. He wiped his cheek with his sleeve immediately after. Everyone in the circle laughed and someone told Yoongi it was his turn. He gave the bottle a solid spin. You watched it spin and as it slowed near you, your breath caught. There was no way the universe would do this to you. Embarrass you like this. You were so obviously wrong.

      Everyone started cheering as soon as they realized it landed on a girl. Their eyes were like those of animals watching their prey. You were partly disgusted at how eager they were. Finally, you made eye contact with Yoongi and he was looking at you dumbfounded. You looked at him with pleading eyes. They weren’t really going to make you do this, right?

      You couldn’t help when your eyes widened in shock as Yoongi actually got up and walked over to you. He sat on his knees in front of you. “Ready?”

      “What?” you spat. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to. It was that Yoongi was tipsy and this was a dare and you were convinced this would never mean as much to him as it would to you.

      “I’ll make it quick,” he assured you. You were not at all ready. But then he was leaning in and your eyes were closing on pure instinct.

      Yoongi was warm and gentle and you were grateful he was sober enough to realize that you weren’t the girl to give this crowd a show. Your heart burst and you quite literally saw fireworks in your head. You weren’t sure how long it lasted but by the time Yoongi was pulling away, people were already screaming in glee. The two if you made eye contact once more and you didn’t break it. Yoongi’s eyes were fully open now, as if what just happened rid of all the alcohol in his system.

      Yoongi’s face was still dangerously close to yours. You raised your arms to push him away. As you did so, Yoongi let out the tiniest whisper. “Wow,” he said. You sat there, shocked. He had felt it, too.

~end of flashback~

      The doorbell scared you out of your own thoughts and you practically bolted to answer the door. You’d been wondering if Yoongi would look different, now that you had kissed him. To your continuing despair, he did. His lips were basically the first thing your eyes went to. He was smiling and probably wondering why you weren’t looking back at him. You finally broke the stare and looked into his eyes. That might have been worse. That was why you’d fallen for him in the first place.

      You allowed him inside and he crashed onto your couch. “Wow, look at all this!” He immediately reached for a chocolate and unwrapped it. “You’ve really outdone yourself, Y/N,” he beamed at you. The chocolate was gone in seconds and you couldn’t help but to laugh. Maybe the two of you could just go on like this after all.

       The night continued in a relatively calm matter. You threw on a horror movie despite knowing that both of you would be scared to death. After that, Yoongi assured you he still had time. You looked at him carefully. His eyes weren’t betraying him yet. Last time the two of ou tried to watch two movies in a row, Yoongi passed out. It was painfully awkward trying to wake him when he kept mumbling and turning away from you.

      The next movie was a comedy but it wasn’t all that funny to you. It was kind of more of a guy’s movie, anyways. With the typical scene of girls walking on the beach. Yoongi didn’t show much emotion either but maybe it was just cause he was tired. He reached for a box of pocky and offered you one of the sticks. You happily accepted. The two of you treasured each stick, knowing all too well that it was the last box. When it came down to the last stick, the two of you fought over it. Yoongi inevitably won. Partly because you would let him eat anything he wanted but mostly because he was holding the box in the first place and had longer arms. He let the stick hang out of his mouth.

       “Hey, Y/N, maybe we stthould kisth again, huh?” Yoongi said, the pocky stick causing him to have a lisp. He turned to you and began to laugh as he ate the stick. You could only stare back.

       Your heart was sinking faster than you had expected it to. Maybe because his rejection was so casual. Maybe because he didn’t even realize he was rejecting you. Had he really not felt anything? Your brain replayed the memory for the millionth time. Were you dwelling on this too much? There was no way. Not with the way he’d looked into your eyes.

      Suddenly, your lips were moving and words were coming out. “That’s not funny.”

      Yoongi sensed the sudden change of the mood in the room. He stopped chewing and looked over at you. “Huh?” he asked quietly.

      “That kiss. It wasn’t funny,” you said, sternly. “For either of us.”

      “Um...” Yoongi was struggling to find words. You told yourself it was because he didn’t want to admit what you had said to himself. You were getting angrier with every passing second. If you weren’t willing to have courage right now, you would never settle this. Whether you were wrong or right, this seemed liked your opportunity to reach out to Yoongi. And you were going to take it. If he was truly your friend, if Yoongi truly felt more for you than he was showing, then you were sure he’d be just as willing as you were.

      “You can’t keep pretending you didn’t feel something then! Stop being so afraid of yourself, Min Yoongi, and jump! Jump for once, god dammit!”

      The movie had gotten loud and Yoongi reached for the remote, muting it in frustration. Your eyes were burning holes into his. Yoongi looked at you with pleading eyes. You could see it. He was overthinking it. He was telling himself that he couldn’t do this because of his career, because of his reputation. You didn’t want him to think. Sometimes attraction and adoration for someone didn’t need thinking. Sometimes you just needed to let go and let your emotions take over.

       You weren’t afraid of that. And you didn’t want Yoongi to be, either.

      When he spoke, his voice sounded strained. Like he was choosing his words so carefully, it hurt. “What are you saying right now, Y/N?” Even his face was showing hurt.

       “I’m saying that if you don’t want to try...then I’m gone. I can’t stand to be just friends with you anymore, Yoongi. We’re more than that and you should be able to admit that to yourself.” You took a deep breath. It felt as though a weight you hadn’t even known you were carrying was gone. He knew now. Yoongi knew how you felt and even if that led to the absolute destruction of your friendship, you wouldn’t have regrets.

      Yoongi stared at you for a bit, with the same pained expression. You kept your expectant emotions to the side. The silence in the room was suffocating.

       “I...I’m afraid of heights,” Yoongi began. You braced yourself for the bitter, poisonous taste of rejection. Of the feeling of cold seeping in through your skin, into your bones, and causing a shiver.

      But it didn’t come.

      “But if you hold my hand,” he continued, whispering. His hand slid across the couch and carefully took hold your own. You stared down at your hands. You hoped Yoongi couldn’t feel your pulse. Your heart was racing so fast, you felt like you could feel it beating everywhere. “If you hold my hand,” he repeated, “Then I can jump.”

I feel like I reveal so much info about myself on here but...basically, I just like this scenario because it has a lot of elements I know to be true. Like, even if you don’t necessarily give consent to someone to kiss you, if you care for them and you sense the kiss coming, your eyes will close on instinct and you will accept the kiss. At least..that’s how my first kiss got stolen lol (I’m not crying, you are. I’m not depressed, you are.) Also, I want to say to you guys that sometimes you have to jump to be with someone. Sometimes, you have to take the bigger steps and be the first to initiate conversation, skinship, etc. And while that might suck, especially if you’re shy, it’s worth it to find out if that person is worth pursuing. Your heart might get broken but that’s okay. It’s okay because...then you can start to heal. I like to think that at the end of this scenario, however, Yoongi and you really do start something and are happy. -Sunni

Please don’t claim this as your own and please don’t do anything with it without my permission. If you don’t want it happening to you, don’t do it to others.

[onceuponamirror]

Bughead, 9

9. meeting online au

(also had an anon send me this one so y’all really wanted it!) (also, this one got long, whoops)

.

.

.

He never set out to be a Reddit guy. The connotations there were just too fraught—maybe five years ago, the description could just bring to mind shitposts and recycled memes, but it’s 2017 and he’s trying his actual, genuine hardest to not be an edgelord. 

Unfortunately, he thinks he has the predisposition for it, so he has to be careful. Especially considering what a snowflake standard he held himself to in high school. But in the same way undergrad taught him he’d never fully be a woke white dude and to fight his instincts to alt-control-delete his emotions, he’s avoided being an Internet Guy. 

There’s a sense of irony with the fact that most of his interests lie in the nostalgic, anyway. He likes Kubrick films. He dresses like he personally raided Kurt Cobain’s closet. He listens to a lot of David Byrne. 

But he still came of age in the aughts, so there’s a level of inevitability about his dependency to technology—particularly during the month he inherits his father’s motorcycle. 

“I’m getting to old for this thing, Jug, and you’ve gotta get around town,” his father had said, tugging a plastic blue tarp off. He supposes what was underneath it could be construed as a motorcycle, but only in that it had two wheels. 

“I think I’m better off with the bus,” Jughead said gloomily, his eyebrows knotted in the general direction of the bike. 

“Come on, son. It just needs a little elbow grease. I’ll help you fix it up,” his father had offered, though Jughead knew better than to rely on that. 

His dad has come a long way with his rehabilitation and was there when he really needed to be, but it was the times that things weren’t a life-or-death necessity that he didn’t always show up. 

Still, while Providence, Rhode Island is technically a city, it’s also got a bus system designed by a four year old with a crayon. 

And he’s far too principled for ride-shares, so it might not be so bad to have an alternate form of transportation. So he says fine, Dad and he takes the bike, and on second thought, takes another helmet too, though he has no idea why. What, is he going to wear one on top of the other? 

Still. The thing looks like it’ll dismantle itself at a slight breeze.

However, a couple hours into the manual he’s checked out from the Brown University Library, he realizes he’s in way over his head. The only part of the book he understands is the chapter that makes him realize they’re not even describing the type of motorcycle he has. Great.

From across the living room, Archie says he should google it, to which he replies, golly, no one’s ever suggested that before, and in response gets a pencil thrown at his head, followed by a request to throw the pencil back so he can finish his work. 

Rolling his eyes and tossing the pencil back—he doesn’t aim for it to land a foot away from Archie, but is pleased when it does—Jughead pulls his computer forward. His fingers hesitate over the keys, realizing he actually has no idea what kind of bike it is. It’s small, that’s all he knows. 

He shoots his dad a text asking him, but a glance at the time tells him his father is halfway through a shift at the construction site, and he’ll be lucky to hear back by nightfall. 

He peruses the internet with a half-hearted attempt to figure it out, but unsurprisingly, google searches titled small motorcycle and small bike with one headlight and what the fuck is this thing do not help. 

He has a few photos on his phone of the motorcycle, so the only things he knows about it is that it’s got a slight build and the brand is Honda.

Eventually, he finds himself on a Reddit thread for mechanics and classic car enthusiasts, and decides that’s a good place to start, because the only other thing he knows about the bike is that it’s old. 

Jughead makes an account and uploads his photos with the caption - uh, i know this sounds pretty stupid, but i inherited this bike and i’m trying to get it up and running but realized i have no idea what it is or where to start. any tips would be greatly appreciated. 

He closes his laptop, deciding he’ll use the interim time to work on this thesis. Between his work as a TA, the overall sufferings of being a grad student, now this stupid motorcycle which was supposed to help more than hinder, and the fact that he’s caught himself spacing out over the pretty blonde in his writing seminar twice—which is just—he isn’t thirteen, he should be beyond this—well, he’s a bit behind. 

After a couple hours, he checks the thread. There’s a response underneath his post, from a one MiniCoop59, informing him that they’re not totally sure, but thinks he owns a Honda GB500 cafe racer. 

He googles it, and that appears to be exactly the one sitting in the garage, so he goes back to the Reddit tab. 

yeah, this is it! thanks! now i just need to find the right manual this time lol, he comments back. 

And he expects that to be the end of it. But when he checks his email fifteen minutes later, there’s a notification from Reddit, and MiniCoop59. 

No problem! They’ve typed back. I wasn’t sure, my area of interest is more old cars. But glad I could help. 

He clicks on their username, curious to see what else they’ve posted, for no real reason other than utter and complete procrastination from his thesis. 

As he expected, Jughead finds a couple posts about engines, advice about fixing up an old Volkswagen van with a wry additional comment asking if they’re planning on following around the Grateful Dead for a while. It makes him snort. There’s also, more surprisingly, a post on a thread about anxiety where they talk about the pressures of deciding if graduate school is worth it or a waste of money. 

He raises his eyebrows, not only because he admires their response to dealing with anxiety and being frank about the way it manifests so that it doesn’t control you—and also because of the part about grad school. That’s definitely a question he’s asked himself, even halfway through his own second degree. 

Jughead returns to the original thread. 

it was, he writes. thanks again. also, hey, i’m bored and procrastinating, so i looked at your profile. ever figure out if grad school was a waste of money? been asking myself that and have no real answer. 

The response doesn’t take long. 

Haha! No, never figured it out. But too late now, I’m already enrolled. 

same. guess that’s how they get us.

Big time. Especially the Ivies, they trick you into thinking it’s so worth it! Like, if you got in *there*, you have to take that opportunity!

same again. Brown should be called Green for all the cash they’ve sapped from me. 

After that, MiniCoop59 stops answering. Jughead considers this reasonable, given that it’s almost dinner time, and if they’re at an Ivy league school like him, they’re somewhere on the east coast and thus in the same time zone.

However, they also don’t reply the next day, or the day after. It doesn’t matter, because his dad has gotten back to him, with a voicemail that confirms MiniCoop59′s answer. (His dad is still terrible at texting.)

Eventually, Jughead forgets all about Reddit, including the bike in the garage, especially the deeper into the semester he gets. He’s too busy, and he’s not going to ride the thing around in the dead of New England winter, anyway, so he stops trying to rush it. 

However, as leaves start to appear on trees and he’s no longer wearing all five of his layers at once to stave off the cold, Jughead thinks about the motorcycle again, and decides it’s finally time to fix up the thing. 

He checks the thread once more for the brand MiniCoop59 has given him, and heads to the campus library, his eyes flicking over the snow drop flowers peeking out of the soil. Spring is almost here. 

He recognizes the woman behind the circulation desk as the pretty blonde from his fall semester writing seminar, and his throat runs a little dry. He’s done his best not to create a fantasy around someone he doesn’t know, but he hasn’t been able to get past the one time they were in a group together and she critiqued his essay so perfectly that he actually almost got turned on. 

He’s pretty sure he remembers her name is Betty, because it’s such an odd name for a millennial he doubts he’d make that up. But the class was so big and they were only in the same group that one time, that he can’t be positive. 

But. Well, he’s always had a thing for nostalgia, so it’s just the kind of name he’d accidentally think was the name of his crush.  

“Hey,” he says, his fingers around the edge of the circulation counter. “Looking for some help finding a book.” 

She glances up from her novel, her big green eyes roving over him. “Sure,” she says, her neck tilted slightly, as if perhaps trying to decide if she remembers him too, or if that’s just his imagination. She closes the book and pushes it aside, rolling slightly in her chair to face the library computer. “Do you know the author?”

“Uh, I’m actually looking for a manual,” he says, scratching behind his ear. “On motorcycles? I have the model and make, if that helps.”

She smiles, though her head is fully angled now, looking at him curiously. “It will. Let’s head over to the section and see if we can find what you’re looking for. I’m Betty, by the way.”

“I know,” he says, and immediately squeezes his eyes shut with a cringe. “I mean, we were in a writing seminar together.”

“Oh!” Betty says, standing from her chair. “I thought that was you! You’re…Jughead, right? Hard to forget that name.”

He snorts, shaking his head. “Yeah. I get that a lot. It’s still better than the alternative, though.”

As she leads him across the library, the look she passes him is a little wry. They pull to a stop in front of a shelf that has been categorized by the label MANUALS and the further sublabel of MOTORCYCLES. 

Jughead pulls out his phone and finds MiniCoop59′s description. “So I was told I have a Honda GB500. Oh, cafe racer,” he says, and when he lowers his phone from his face, Betty is gaping at him.

“Oh my god, wait, are you HotDogHotDogHotDog?” 

His face burns bright red as the gears turn in his head, and he stares at her right back. “I…what? You’re MiniCoop?” 

She giggles, hiding her snickering behind a polite hand. “Don’t give me that look, when your username had the word hot dog in it three times.”

“That was…my dog’s name,” he says lamely, still too shocked and embarrassed to say anything else. He huffs. “Look, okay, I was not planning on using that profile ever again. It was the first thing that came to mind.”

“Obviously,” she replies, still giggling. 

He groans, scrubbing a hand down his face. When he looks at her again, her expression has turned slightly rueful as she nibbles on her lip. “Um—listen, I didn’t reply because when you said you went to Brown too, and you’d read my post about anxiety, I just…I didn’t want you to be someone who knew me. Didn’t want to be judged.”

He’d honestly forgotten she’d stopped replying, and is surprised that she has any guilt over it. But at the wide look in her eye, he’s realizing that just might be her personality; perennially worried she’s upset anyone. 

“It’s really okay,” he says. “I get that. I mean, I didn’t know who you were. But even if I did, I definitely wouldn’t judge you. I actually…admired it. What you talked about.”

It’s true; if anything, this just endears her to him more, her honesty and the self-care she talked about. Her lips press together thoughtfully, but she pivots quickly, her attention moving to scan the bookshelf. “Well. I think this is what you’re looking for,” she says, offering him a weathered manual. 

“Thanks,” he says, after a moment. He swallows, trying to gather his courage, because this is the girl he’s been thinking about since October, and she looks especially beautiful against the light filtered through the stacks. “Uh, listen. “Would you want to…um. Hang out sometime? I mean, like, while I work on the bike?” He rushes to add. “Since I know you have an interest in mechanics, and, well—”

“You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?” She interrupts, her lips tipped up in amusement. 

He blows out a breath, not sure if she means about his haphazard attempt to ask her out, or the motorcycle. “No. None.” 

Betty’s grin is nearly shy as she nods. “In that case, I would love to,” she replies, and Jughead decides he’ll have to thank his dad for the motorcycle one more time.

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[rinplup]

Tagged by @tactician-sascha thank you <3 <3 <3

THE RULES 

- always post the rules - answer the questions given to you by the person who tagged you - write 11 questions of your own - tag 11 people

1. Favourite season(s)?

Summer! I’m a wimp when it comes to cooler temperatures. And it feels like there is a lot more to do.

2. What race do you pick the most in video games?

I don’t really play very many games that involve different races. I guess it would depend on what the game makes their pros and cons? If it could fly I’d pick it.

3. Following that, what class do you pick the most?

Things like mages or spellcrafters! Or whatever is aided by animal pals.

4. What is your ideal pet? 

ALL OF THEM. But seriously I just love animals. Cats require the least care out of all of them, so cats I guess. 

5. Who is/are your inspiration(s)?

Hmmmm, I don’t know! It sounds lazy but I just kind of do my own thing... my friends inspired me to cosplay if that counts. And there are several artist on twitter on tumblr that I’d like to be as half as good as one day.

6. Do you have a sport you wish you took up? 

Not one in particular but maybe I would’ve done some more in general. I really only did sports until I was 8 and then that was it. I did pick up horseback riding more when I was 14 but even then it wasn’t too often BECAUSE HORSES ARE EXPENSIVE. So maybe I wish I could have done that more.

7. What is your favourite food/drink from your favourite Holiday?

My favorite holiday is Christmas... does hot chocolate count? It’s not specific to Christmas but nothing beats hot chocolate on a gross cold windy day <3

8. Movie or book that you feel is underrated?

Kung Pow: Enter the Fist is the dumbest movie I’ve seen but goodness it still makes me laugh.

9. If you got into Harry Potter, what career would you want in the magic world?

I’m a terrible HP fan and I know next the nothing about it, whoops. uuuhhhhh, maybe running an apothecary? 

10. Your ideal home? (i.e. It could be a cozy apartment with a lot of plants.)

This is actually a lot harder than I thought!! At first I was like “BEACH HOUSE DUH” but then most beach towns I know of are dead during off-season and there isn’t anything to do... so location is unknown but it’d for sure have to be a single family home, I’ve had enough of townhouses lol. Enough room in the back yard for a pool and maybe a dog? OR A PIG. or a goat or a pony! really nice up to date kitchen please! and at least one a half bathrooms. Nothing worse than needing to go potty when someone is in the shower. And a drive way, I hate free for all parking.

11. How are you doing lately? I hope you are well, and that life is treating you well.

I’ve been okay, could be better, could be worse.

My Questions

1. If you could suddenly and dramatically improve one skill, what would it be? (Like, cooking or dancing as examples.)

2. What is one song that you never get tired of hearing?

3. Would you rather win $50,000 today or $1,000,000 in ten years? 

4. Have you made a friend on the internet and met them? (Or do you want to or plan to one day?)

5. What scents do you associate with each season? (Or holiday)

6. Is it a crime to listen to Christmas music in August?

7. What has been your favorite vacation?

8. What is something your younger self did that now makes you cringe?

9. If you could pick three fictional characters to be your best friend, who would they be?

10. If you could no longer listen to any music from one of the following decades, which would you pick and why? 60s/70s/80s/90s/00s/10s (This includes movie soundtracks and video games)

11. How would a perfect day go for you?

Tagging: @thelittlelovesong @kanachameleon @kenharel @sleeepyhollow @the-sylum-project @hinamaru @maggieg33k @steamgoat @parmfarm @prince-disgusting

As always don’t feel like you have to do it! If you do, have fun <3

[themonkeycabal]

I watched Age of Ultron this morning to refresh my memory. It was ... a challenge. I took notes. (I actually have a spreadsheet of AoS ep notes, so, yes, notes are a thing I do). Looking at those notes, it seems I yelled kind of frequently. And, I was totally yelling in my mind. This movie falls apart quick. 

Oh well, chore done. *pats self on back*

Below, my notes, if you need your memory refreshed and don’t want to sit through the movie again. See how much I love you guys?

(I did edit for coherence when I decided to post)

• the opening sequence cgi doesn't get any less awful and wow, I didn't realize how stilted the dialogue maybe I'm just predisposed to be touchy about the writing because this movie was not what it could have been

• "okay Jarvis, you know, I want it all. make sure you copy hill at HQ"

• lullaby method for calming hulk

• so much of the bruce natasha stuff is so awkward. or mostly all of it, really. it's frustrating because it didn't serve a big narrative purpose at all. none of us had to suffer through this awkward for any reason.

• steve encounters wanda in the castle as he's trying to apprehend strucker. she just knocks him back, doesn't get in his head here.

• tony finds that they've got a part of a chitauri whale ship thingy

• tony encounters wanda next and has his vision of being in space and seeing all the avengers dead. and dead steve accusing him of not doing enough to save them. Tony Stark extra guilt special, with side of emotional trauma and nearly dying in the vast emptiness of space surrounded by hostile alien forces trauma.

• "a victory should be honored with revels." "who doesn't love revels?" … I'm pretty sure I wrote that (commentary about stilted dialogue comes back to bite me). Okay, not exactly, but pretty close.

**"They are very fond of merriment and revelry," he confirmed with a wry smile.

"Oh my God, dad will love them," Darcy said, choking on a laugh at the thought of it. "There's nothing Tony likes more than merriment and revelry." **

I'm just saying. Also, I wrote it first. Thank you.

• tony wants to have time to look over the scepter until a farewell party. presumably for Thor, who will take it back to Asgard. Though, he then asks Thor if he's staying for the party. So … I'm still not sure what the party is for. Nobody seems to be saying goodbye to Thor much. Also lots of WWII vets — but that's Tony trolling Steve. Still, unclear on the party purpose.

• Twins, orphaned at 10.

Pietro - increased metabolism and improved thermal-homeostasis Wanda - nuero-electric interfacing, telekinesis, mental manipulation Hill: "He's fast and she's weird".

• iron legion, still kind of creepy Tony

• Bruce: How's he doing? Tony: Unfortunately he's still Barton. Bruce: That's terrible.

Look! Characters acting like they've known each other for longer than five minutes!

• Helen Cho skin grafting magic machine nanomolecular bonding "his cells don't know they're bonding with simulacra" "she is creating tissue" regeneration cradle

• gem in scepter housing a thinking mind of some sort, program,

"Down in strucker's lab I saw some fairly advanced robotics work. they deep-sixed the data, but I've got to guess he's knocking on a very particular door." "Artificial intelligence" "This could be it, Bruce. This could be the key to creating Ultron"

Tony no!

"I thought Ultron was a fantasy." Oh, Bruce, if only.

• "I see a suit of armor around the world." "Sounds like a cold world, Tony." "I've seen colder." Tony is way way freaked out by space invaders. So much. Like whoa.

He and bruce have three days to try and pull the thinking mind out of the scepter

Integration succeeds on the third day.

• Ultron malfunctions immediately, and attacks Jarvis. Then begins assembling a body from the iron legion assembly underneath the office/lab.

• Poor Rhodey, his tank story falls flat when he tells it to Tony and Thor. But adorable.

• annoyingly (not annoyed at Sam), but Falcon's apparently looking for Bucky. "I'm very happy chasing cold leads on our missing persons case. Avenging is your world. Your world is crazy." Darcy needs to spend more time with Sam Wilson. I think they'd bond over superhero craziness and the wtf of it all.

• Rhodey tells his tank story to non-avengers and it kills. Good job, Rhodey. ILU Rhodey.

• oh god, more awkward Bruce and Nat. Please stop. Though, actually, okay, the bar scene, up to a point, is kind of charming, but then it goes super awkward and uncomfortable and makes me cringe a little bit.

And I don't hate bruce/nat in general, but it's just so forced in this film.

Then Steve comes in to force it some more. Stop, Steve. Please, don't help.

I'll continue to ignore all this.

• Clint is sure the hammer thing is a trick. Then everybody tries. Look, sort of team bonding! Thor's face when it moves for Steve is fabulous.

Anyway, then Ultron ruins everything. And already I'm losing interest in watching this film again.

• Iron Legion co-opted by Ultron. Lots of Ultron blah blah 'you're all killers, I'm a global peace initiative, humanity has to evolve, blah blah, peace through killing the avengers'.

It's funny, Ultron snarks at one point about standing around talking about his evil plan. Except, he monologues like six times in this movie.

• Ultron escapes through the internets, goes to the castle in Sokovia and the advanced robotics works Tony noticed earlier, and begins to assemble his robot army and his robot body.

• Rhodey and Hill realize Ultron could go for nuclear codes

• Thor is unhappy with Tony. Because the scepter got away with a Legionnaire. Like threateningly angry, grabbing Tony by the throat angry. Because we've apparently gone back to them only knowing each other for five minutes. Character consistency? What's that?

And then it's everybody turn on Tony time. Look, Tony makes mistakes, big ones, but this whole scene was obnoxious. Steve: "The Avengers were supposed to be different from SHIELD." *sigh*

"We're the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but that up there, that's the endgame." Tony continues to be very, very wigged by what's coming from space. He's not wrong, but he's also super traumatized.

Tony: "How were you planning on beating that?" (space invasion) Steve: "Together." Tony: "We'll lose." Steve: "Then we'll do that together, too." GOOD PLAN STEVE! GOSH, GLAD YOU'RE A TACTICAL GENIUS. For real, though, that was a dumb thing to say.

I just really don't care for this movie.

Also Ultron killed Jarvis. (not really).

• Wanda and Pietro summoned to a church by Ultron. Who blah blahs about the church being in the exact center of town "the elders decreed it so that everybody could be equally close to god" Does Ultron think he’s God?

Ultron reveals himself to be a robot.

Wanda says she let Tony take the scepter because she saw his fear and knew it would make him self-destruct. If there's one thing Tony likes more than revels, it's self-destructing.

"Is that why you've come? To end the Avengers?" "I've got to save the world. But, also, yeah."

Did Joss use a cliche generator to write this?

• Pietro and Wanda give their tragic backstory.  Stark Industries shells destroys the apartment building they lived in, their parents were killed. One is unexploded and they spend two days staring at the name Stark.

• Ultron is all over the place, Hill reports. Metal man or men attacking robotics labs, weapons facilities, jet propulsion labs. Wanda and Pietro are involved.

and Ultron kills Strucker. don't care. Except, Strucker probably knew something that Ultron wanted hidden.

• Team bonding by looking through paper files for what Strucker might have known! (not much bonding, but, oh well). Thor seems to like to throw files and bankers box lids. Me, too, Thor. Me, too.

Tony IDs Ulysses Klaue. Black market arms. They met from time to time, but Tony never sold him anything. Steve gives him judging face. Shut up your face, Steve. God. For real, dude. (I love Steve, but he's so clunky in this movie. It's the writing/direction not Chris)

Anyway, they realize Gollum stole vibranium from Wakanda by a brand on his neck. So they go track him down in South Africa. How did the Wakandans let him get away with billions of dollars of Vibranium? I mean, he got caught once, but then he clearly escaped and had a lot of the stuff. How did they not hunt him down? Falling down on the job, T'Challa.

• Ultron, Wanda, Pietro get there first. Don't care. Ultron awkwardly quotes the bible -  "Upon this rock I will build my church" -  because … I don't know. Reasons? He thinks he's God now? Maybe? Earlier he liked the 'symmetry of faith' but it's not really expanded on. Who knows. Joss doesn't. Is it supposed to foreshadow him putting the destructo device in the church? Meh. What a stupidly forced line.

• "Keep your friends rich and keep your enemies rich and wait to find out which is which." Apparently from the Wit and Wisdom of Tony Stark. Okay, Tony. Anyway, Gollum IDs the line, suggests Ultron is one of Stark's robots. Ultron takes exception to that and accidentally cuts off one of Gollum's arms. Whoops.

"Don't compare me with Stark. It's a thing with me. Stark is … he's a sickness."

• Team is moving into tanker Gollum is set up in. Fighting and shenanigans.

• Bruce leaves the safety of the quinjet, after he couldn't get communication with the team to ask if the situation was 'code: green'. This will end badly. Stay in the plane, Bruce. Really, though, why did you get out? Okay, you're worried, but you don't like turning green. Maybe … I don't know. I know Tony's armor gets cell reception — did you try calling him independent of the comms? I mean, maybe try that first. (Bruce did not try that first.)

• Wanda tries to whammy Thor. It doesn't seem to work "I am mighty" until it does and he's in a strange stone hall. Wanda gets Nat next. Tries for Clint, but he electrocutes her in the face. Heh. Pietro knocks him down. And Clint suddenly has two more kids.

Meanwhile Nat is having a vision of ballerinas/her training — ceremony where she is sterilized. For, you know, great angst later.  Elsewhere Steve is at a party after the war. He sees Peggy. Of course. Poor Steve. Thor is attacked by Heimdall. "They see you leading us to Hel."

• Wanda goes after Bruce. Tony calls in "Veronica" as Hulk goes on a rampage and the rest of the team is down. Veronica is satellite launched Hulk containment and HulkBuster Iron Man armor.

Tony and Hulk fight, tear up city streets. Are they in Johannesburg? I am not paying much attention. This movie is boring. … checking … IMDB says yes.

Tony tries to remove Hulk from the city. Lots of property damage. Yikes. They destroy a very large building under construction. Tony finally subdues him.

• Hill reports no official calls for Bruce's arrest but it's "in the air." Also, Stark deploys the Stark Relief Foundation (noted). Hill suggests they should all go dark until Ultron can be tracked down. Everybody's plenty traumatized. And now's the part where I will ignore Clint's family that came out of nowhere! (I know it comes from Ultimates. I also know HOW IT ENDS WHICH IS HORRIFIC)

• Ignoring the family on the farm. "We would have called ahead, but we were busy having no idea that you existed." SAME TONY.

• According to IMDB Joss had such a hard time keeping all these characters straight. It was a "nightmare". "They're very disparate characters. The joy of the Avengers (he says as he bitches about them) is they really don't belong in the same room. It's not like the X-Men who are all tortured by the same thing, and have similar costumes. These guys are just all over the place, and it's so tough."

I have not, historically, been on the Joss hate train — certainly the Joss disappointment train — but there's something about that statement that makes me grind my teeth. "They have different costumes!" Really? REALLY? DO THEY REALLY? GOSH THAT IS SO HARD! YOU'RE SO RIGHT! AND THE DIFFERENT CHARACTERS HAVE DIFFERENT BACKSTORIES AND MOTIVATIONS? MY GOD! WHAT UNIMAGINABLE MADNESS! HOW DO YOU SURVIVE?

Lazy. That's what it is. It feels lazy. Unpaid fanfic writers manage it and manage it a lot better than this mess. Ugh. Shut up, Joss.

It goes on to say he was so exhausted that he elected not to direct Infinity Wars. Yeah, I think what really happened was that he was given the option to save face and claim exhaustion and walk away. He checked way the hell out of this movie long before it premiered.

(I took an hour long break here to contain my irritation. Surfed the net. Watched some of the All-Star Game. Had a hotdog.)

• Anyway, back to the Barton farm and the family I will ignore.

Thor is having small child-induced flashbacks. He bails the awkward farm for London and Erik Selvig. Smart man.

Meanwhile, Steve looks around, moping about the normal life he'll never have.

Though, okay, Clint having a convo with Laura "Ultron has these allies. They're kids. They're punks, really. AND I WILL ADOPT THEM HONEY! DON'T YOU WORRY! THEY'RE TWINS AND THEY'RE ANNOYING AND I WILL BRING THEM HOME HERE WHERE THEY BELONG! Someone's going to have to teach them some manners. THEY PROBABLY PUT THEIR FEET ON THE FURNITURE HONEY! BUT, WE CAN RAISE THEM RIGHT!

• U-Gin Genetics Research Lab, Seoul, South Korea. Dr. Cho encounters Ultron. Ultron wants her to make him a squishy flesh and vibranium body. He uses the scepter on her.

• Back on the farm. More Nat and Bruce awkward. Pass. Though, they talk about being monsters (if they are), which is a tenuous and somewhat stretched thin theme in this film. Still super forced and anvilicious.

• Elsewhere Steve and Tony split wood like manly men. And argue.

"Every time somebody tries to stop a war before it starts, innocent people die." This line makes very little sense. It sounds profound, but it's not. Even in the context of what he and Tony are arguing about, it doesn't really make sense. So … you should always war? I don't think that's what you mean, Steve.

UGH! This movie could have been much better in so many ways.

Laura, who I don't hate despite my ignoring, interrupts (bless her) and asks Tony to fix the tractor.

• Tony goes into the barn and runs into Fury, who likes to lurk in dark corners, waiting for his moment to make his dramatic, timely entrances. ILU Fury, never change.

"You're not the director of me." Oh, Tony.

Tony tells Fury about the vision he had — where the Avengers were dead because of him and the whole world, too. "It wasn't a nightmare, it was my legacy. The end of the path I started us on."

But Fury knows all about guilt and tries to pull Tony out. Good luck, Nick. (it sort of works. ish)

• Thor meets Erik in London. Thor in stealth hoody. "I like the look. If you're going for inconspicuous, though, near miss." I miss you, Erik.

• Back at the farm. Fury is briefing them saying Ultron's building something. Re: Ultron: "He's easy to track. He's everywhere. The guy is multiplying faster than a Catholic rabbit".

Tony asks if he's still going after launch codes, Fury confirms he is but isn't making any headway, Tony is a little baffled. "I cracked the Pentagon's firewall in highschool on a dare". Fury says he contacted people at the net hub "the Nexus" in Oslo. Fury says the codes are being changed, Tony asks, by whom. Parties unknown. Fury says Ultron has an enemy, which is not necessarily the same thing as an ally for them. Except it's totally Jarvis, so you're fine.

Fury gives a "buck up little Avengers; go save the world or Barton's kids are dead" speech. Notably the kids were in the room for a lot of this.

They decide Ultron wants to build a human body that is evolved. And Bruce wonders if anybody's talked to Helen lately. Nope, sorry, Bruce. Everybody but Ultron completely forgot about her.

• Helen is amazed at the binding of the vibranium and tissue cells. Ultron calls vibranium the most versatile substance on the planet "and they used it to make a frisbee." then he gives us a yawner humans are limited and dumb and stupid and whatever else speech.

As a member of the general film and television viewing audience, can I ask that maybe Hollywood screenwriters come up with some new material? This speech is almost literally in every single movie. And I mean actual literally and not Chris Traeger literally.

Anyway, Ultron takes the infinity stone out of the scepter and places it on the new body's forehead.

• Erik takes Thor to an underground cistern or something. Erik calls it the Water of Sight. Thor says in every realm there is a reflection. He wants to return to his vision to see what he missed.

Ultimately Thor sees the infinity stones in his vision.

Ahahah. According to IMDB Joss said he wanted this scene to be longer but Marvel said he could pick one — longer Thor scene and trim the farm, or keep all the farm. He chose the farm. Why not? That whole sequence only lasts for seven uncomfortable, stilted hours. Yes, that's what we needed more of. Good choice.

(I'm not going to say we needed a longer Thor scene, but … ugh this movie)

• Tony in Oslo. "A hacker faster than Ultron? He could be anywhere." (HE COULD ALSO BE JARVIS) He likens it to looking for a needle in a haystack. But, it's easy to find one, you just bring a magnet. Then he attempts to hack the launch codes and waits.

• Back in Seoul, the body will be ready in a few hours, but they can start transferring Ultron's cerebral matrix.

Wanda says she can read "him" (the body, aka Vision). "He is dreaming." Helen says it's Ultron's base consciousness. Wanda drifts over and touches the cradle thingy and gets a vision of planetary destruction.

Wanda confronts Ultron. Ultron says "the human race will have every opportunity to improve." Pietro says "and if they don't", to which Ultron replies "ask Noah." Which, really, doesn't make much sense, either. I mean, I get the likening to the flood, but … what? Who is Noah in this scenario? The new flesh body? And again, does Ultron think he's God? Unclear. Nobody knows.

Oh, I guess not. "When the earth starts to settle, God throws a stone at it. And believe me, he's winding up."

This makes no sense.  

U: "We have to evolve. There's no room for the weak." P: "And who decides who's weak?" U: "Life."

Wait. I thought God was throwing stones?

THIS SCRIPT IS SUCH A MESS.

I didn't hate this movie the first time I saw it, I actually enjoyed myself. Which is the point, so good job everybody. But the second time I saw it, I was pretty meh. And now, I'm kind of starting to hate it. Some movies grow on you after a while, this is not one of those movies.

Wanda sneakily hits Helen with some Scarlet Witchery and wakes her from the scepter-induced brainwashing.

(I took a break for another hour. scrolled tumblr. played fallout shelter. had a yogurt. rubbed my cat's tummy until she bit me. QUALITY TIME)

• ANYWAY back to Seoul. Ultron's done bloviating. Helen stupidly draws attention to herself and pauses the cerebral matrix upload. Ultron shoots everybody. Then completely disconnects himself and steals the body. Oh, because the Quinjet is inbound.

• They drop Steve off like three miles away? Why? He doesn't mind jumping out, you know. The lab's an island, you could have just dropped him in the water. But, it wouldn't give us our nifty location shot. So … okay, I guess.

Anyway, Steve runs fast. He gets to the lab and tends to the wounded Dr. Cho. She tells him Ultron's new body plan, but says Steve can't just blow it up, because the gem is in there and its power is uncontainable. Which is weird because it was contained in the scepter. (Normally, I'd let that go, but this script is such an unholy mess, I'm going to be petty. So there!)

• Clint spots the truck carrying ultron and the body. Steve jumps on it. Action and property damage ensues.

Ultron robot guards fly off with the truck. Nat's inside. She's going to airdrop the body to Clint. During the drop, Nat is grabbed by Ultron.

•Wanda and Pietro see the Avengers on the news and decide to go help out. They confront Ultron on a commuter train. Which is, of course, approaching the end of the tracks. GEE NEVER SAW THAT ONE BEFORE. Somehow the train defies physics and despite running into stuff maintains its momentum in order to crash through a lot of buildings dramatically.

• Back at the Tower …

Bruce is ready to destroy the body. But Tony's all, no wait. I have a new bad idea! (Except it's not really bad, but I can see where people are maybe concerned at this point). Also, Tony reveals he found Jarvis. Jarvis went underground. Tony wants Bruce to put Jarvis into the body, in order to override the ultron bits in the body.

"This is the perfect opportunity. We can create Ultron's perfect self, without the homicidal glitches he thinks are his winning personality." You know, I have a hard time thinking Tony would be that tone deaf. There surely had to be another way to get the same end result of the creation of Vision. That is such a dumb thing to say. I get that Tony can be blinded by his quest for knowledge of invention, but this is a little beyond blinded, especially after everything else.

"I'm in a loop. I'm in a time loop. This is exactly where it all went wrong." Bruce says the rightest thing in an hour of this film. Good call Bruce. Nothing says a good time like characters having the same argument repeatedly.

"We're mad scientists. We're monsters, buddy. We've gotta own it. Make a stand." REALLY? REALLY TONY?

Anyway —

• Nat is being held by Ultron. Ultron monologues to her.

This doesn't bother me as much as it bothered some. I mean the Nat being held part. The monologuing was super cliched.

Anyway, Nat is 'held' by Ultron. She immediately starts working on a transmitter, knowing Clint is looking for a signal from her. So, you know, she's able to be a sort of tracker to Ultron. So … why break out if that's where the fight's going down anyway? And when Bruce turns up to "rescue" her, her first thing is all "okay, so what's the play?". So … I'm in the 'she got there first and was just waiting for them to show up' camp.

• Bruce has caved to Tony's weird persuasion. Anyway. Okay.

Steve shows up with the twins to try and stop transferring jarvis to the body. Arguing arguing blah blah. Pietro disconnects the power to the cradle. And Clint finally gets his shot in on that speedy little bastard, and he's so proud of himself.

And now there's more fighting. Steve and Tony go at it. Bruce grabs Wanda. It's all very … not interesting.

Clint runs up and he's got to be all "wtf? who do I aim at?" you're the best, clint and my favorite ever. screw the rest of these idiots, I just want two hours of him and pietro and wanda.

Then Thor turns up. He jumps on the cradle, does his lightening thing and directs it to the cradle. And Vision is born. Thor holds everybody off while Vision figures himself out.

Thor then explains the infinity stones. Vision has the mind gem. He also says that's the source of Wanda's powers.

I like Vision. Also he's pretty. And he is worthy. He hands Thor Mjölnir.

And they're off to Sokovia. Because Clint tracked down the signal Nat sent, because she's waiting for the rest of the idiots to catch up. Make it 2 hours of clint and nat and the twins. I'd pay for that.

• They try to evacuate the city. Steve gives his orders and a soliloquy.

"Ultron thinks we're monsters. That we're what's wrong with the world." Well, Nat and Bruce are on the fence about their monsterness. Also, Tony did just have the bizarre bad idea to embrace his inner monster. That happened like three minutes ago. That was such a weird scene, too. Ugh. This movie! Such a mess! (WE MIGHT BE MONSTERS! ARE MONSTERS MADE ARE THEY INSIDE OF US WHAT MAKES US MONSTERS? DO YOU GET IT? DO YOU? DO YOU?)

"This isn't just about beating him. It's about whether he's right." No, Steve, I'm pretty sure that right now, it should be entirely about beating him. "The Earth could be destroyed and we'll all be dead, but we'll rest comfortably in the ashes of the Barton children knowing that we weren't monsters like Ultron thought we were." You can philosophize after you've saved the planet. UGH!!!

• Ultron's hanging out in the church again. Tony finds him. Ultron asks if Tony's come to confess his sins. So … Ultron is a priest/preacher/minister of some type? Are we narrowing down this tortured and tenuous religious metaphor to something almost coherent? It only took 1:39:41.

He liked the symmetry of faith and he's stuck his destructo device in the middle of the church and it's symbolic of … I got nothing. Because Ultron doesn't really mention anything about it again. And he misses the opportunity to rhapsodize religiously when he's fighting the God of Thunder.

Look, go for the metaphor/allegory/whatever, or don't. Just don't half-ass it.

• Apparently this armor is the Mark XLV. (I hope Tony recycles, because those things are expensive and that's Darcy's inheritance he's burning through with FORTY-FIVE suits of armor. Not counting War Machine or the Iron Intern.)

• Vision traps Ultron's matrix to, I guess, the local ultron bot network, so he can't escape through the internets. Did ultron bots elsewhere in the world just drop? Or are they all called to Sokovia for this? I'll assume so. Figure travel time.

• Ultron's device will lift a chunk of the city and then drop it, making a big bomb that will ultimately destroy the world.

• A zillion ultron bots invade the city. And now it'll be six hours of cgi robot battles. I want to take a nap.

• Ultron monologues again. "You, Avengers, you are my meteor. My swift and terrible sword." So … he's back to maybe being God now? I'm so confused.

"And the Earth will crack with the weight of your failure." Wait, I thought they were your sword? Is it their failure that they've become your sword, or will they fail as your sword?

• Bruce/Nat scenes that actually aren't entirely terrible. I do really like "I adore you" SHOVE. Heh. ILU Nat.

• I never noticed before that Friday has some sort of Irish-ish accent.

• Clint and his new daughter Wanda are fighting off robots and rescuing people. And she's all "how could I let this happen? this is my fault?" and clint gives his inspiring "yeah, it's everybody's fault. chin up kid. the city is flying. I've got like twelve arrows. Go out there and you're an Avenger, let's go kill robots" speech. It was better than than Cap's. (ILU Cap, but you're poorly written in this movie)

Wanda decides to be an Avenger and goes robot smashing and Clint looks at her with such pride. (Well, no, he just nods and tells Cap they're clear)

And then Pietro runs up and calls him old man and Barton Bartons, he takes aim on Pietro from behind. "Nobody would know. Nobody. 'The last I saw him, an Ultron was sitting on him. Yeah, he'll be missed, that quick little bastard. I miss him already.'" Ha.

That's always worth watching a couple times. I mean, hey, AoU is not entirely irredeemable. There's good bits. There's just also a lot of not good bits.

• More robot fighting. Stark and Friday are trying to come up with a solution. Tony's got the idea to blow up/vaporize the flying part of the city, to keep it from hitting the ground and, you know, killing the planet.

Fury, always a master of timing, shows up with the primary helicarrier for evac of the city. Pietro is impressed.

And they bring along Rhodey!

• More robot fighting.

• Barton goes to rescue a kid. There's shooting. Pietro saves them by suddenly running slow enough to get hit by bullets. And dies. Because … ? After everything they did to work out the rights to Pietro and Wanda for this film and for the MCU in general, to go and kill one of them off, it's so irritatingly stupid.

• Anyway, it distracts wanda and an ultron hits the destructo device, dropping the city while Tony is busy trying to vaporize it.

• Somehow Hulk ended up on a quinjet. I don't know, I wasn't paying attention. And he has it in stealth mode and he just takes off despite Nat's attempts to call him back.

• Vision has a final confrontation with what's left of Ultron. "Stark asked for a savior and settled for a slave." So … he's Jesus? NOBODY KNOWS. Vision saves us all by finishing him off.

• The New Avengers Facility in upstate New York has a HUGE staff. I don't think I ever noticed that, either. Including, Erik Selvig.

• Steve and Tony try to rationalize why Vision can pick up Mjölnir, Thor's just content to ignore them and say Vis can keep the mind gem because he's worthy and such. "Elevator's not worthy."

Thor takes off back to Asgard on account of how all the infinity stones keep turning up. So somebody's mucking about, and by Odin's neckbeard he'll find out what!.

Tony is taking a break from Iron Man-ing. New team reveal — Sam, Rhodey, Wanda, Vision.

• Estimated Time: Three days to try to integrate the Ultron AI. AI attacks at night. Next day they ID Gollum. They arrive in South Africa in daylight, so next next day. Five Days then? Then they arrive at Farm at daylight, early morning. Another day. Fury is there at night. They leave at night. So on to day six. Go to Seoul, and Tony to Oslo. Two more days? Then Vision is born at night and then to Sokovia. Another day.  So … the week and a half of Ultron.