#whoops I forgot I have a Tumblr lololol
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#whoops I forgot I have a Tumblr lololol#a goodra to help me relax#wanted to do more but there's other stuff on my plate oh well#pokemon#goodra#these are fun to do even if they suck lmao
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friend: i'll pick you up at 5
clock: 5:01
me: wHeRE teh fuKc
#one time my friends told me theyd pick me up at a certain time so we could go to this amusement park together#and i was so excited i was all dressed up and slathered in sunblock with a half hour to spate#and when they were a few minutes late i texted to see where they were and they said thed be there soon#then a half hour later i texted again and they said theybwere just getting a late start and were just about to come get me#and then a half hour later again i texted and they said oh whoops sorry the car had troubles and we didnt have room#so we just went without you im sorry we forgot to tell you next time tho okay byeeeee#and im pretty sure that was one of the minorly defining days of my entire self worth#like god i havent thought about this much since it happened i repressed it holy shit...#but like literally every situation since im so afraid of being abandoned or forgotten by my friends...#hell when i got real friends later on#id make sure i never missed a single minute of hanging out for fear theyd realize it was better without me and just convienentlu forget to i#and i did that for a three months just exhausting myself never missing a single thing until i got really sick and coukdnt go one time#and i sobbed that entire night because i was so scared id lose all of my friends#that they would just leave me home alone all dressed and ready to go becahse they were just having too much fun without me there#well then thats a rabbit hole i shouldnt have gone down gg tumblr youre getting a rant today#hmm if i remember this would be a good thing to bring up in therapy tomorrow...#maybe start working through this repressed shit lololol#sorry if you read this much im in a weird mood and havent shut up for like the past two hours kill me lolol
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