#whole kit and caboodle

[thecultofproductivity]

Heck yeah my dudes 11.5 hours remaining

[montereybayaquarium]

Anotter shellebration?!? We’re just getting this pawty started! 🎉 🦦 🎊

We recently recognized Kit the southern sea otter’s 14th birthday! She joined the Sea Otter Program as a rescued 5-week-old pup in January 2010. Kit officially achieved surrogate mom status in 2014 and has helped raise 10 wild, orphaned sea otter pups during her time at the Aquarium. 

As you can see, this feisty otter is always on the move. Whether she’s dragging enrichment items into the water or inspecting every inch of the exhibit, she always keeps our mammalogist team on their toes! 

We’re otterly thankful for Kit’s playful antics and for everything she’s done for the wild sea otter population.

Leave your birthday wishes for Kit below!

[polyamorousmood]

In the interest of being able to concisely describe complex relationships, we need a universal naming convention

In the interest of making everyone's life hell, we should base it on organic chemistry naming conventions.

[oh-katsuki]

AND THE CROWD GOES FUCKING CRAZY!!! IT GOES WILD THEY'RE FUCKIN BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS!!! THE WHOLE PLANET IS CHEERING!!!!

MISTER BITCH UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!

[btheleaf]

Pema? A whole person? It’s more likely than you think.

[fagweave]

I am. sick.

[anundesirablechild]

best part about working on my rewrite for so long is that i forget about jokes until i read them again. the number of times i've been able to earnestly laugh at the line "not even just the balls, perona!" should probably be humiliating

[bizexuals]

y’all ever get misgendered so much that someone using the right pronouns still feels like misgendering

[alchemistc]

catie i'm kissing your tags on this. especially the part about tommy thinking he's being horrifyingly open https://www.tumblr.com/alchemistc/780001978282541056?source=share

#complimentary to all of this is something i like to call Scorpio Honesty#when you try to relate to people with open vulnerability but you never do more rhan scratch the surface of an issue#but the moment you admit something you've gotta smooth it over because when you say it out loud it sounds INSANE#it SOUNDS like a trauma dump instead of a Fun Fact#and you gotta walk it back#turn heel and return the conversation to the other person#make a joke about it#deflect into something else#try to make it sexy instead#tommy does that shit over and over and over#its a learned response#because Someone Could Get In Trouble if you tell the whole honest truth#and you don't want to rock the boat#i don't necessarily think tommy has internalized any of that but#when you drop bits and pieces of lore it FEELS like you have overexposed yourself#but the truth is the way he goes about honesty there's an expectation (on his end) that you'll interpret twelve layers if bullshit#in order to understand him#he brushes off jealousy of the 118 and reverts to bucks jealousy#he brushes off daddy issues after admitting he barely speaks ro his father#he brushes off admiration of the 118 being there for each other#he brushes off the jealousy of the anniversary date with a 'youre hot makes sense'#any time he gets CLOSE to vulnerability he opens the door to let out a crumb and then slams and locks the door closed#he wants to be vulnerable but he doesn't know how#he thinks he IS being open when he alludes to things#and sometimes its not even that its painful or scary to open up#sometimes he thinks he's being HORRIFYINGLY open and doesn't realize he's dropping scraps that are impossible to follow to a bigger picture#he hasn't maintained Mystery Man out of any conscious desire to hide himself away#he just feels like he's exposing nerves when all he's really doing is showing a diagram of where they are

Mimi I hit the tag limit on that post and I was SO MAD ABOUT IT.

Gonna AND ANOTHER THING myself right here to add that Scorpio Honesty isn't actively trying to be deceitful or White Lying your way through life.

The ficlet I posted yesterday dove into that a little but unfortunately (for me) it's Very Close to a conversation I have had to have with my partner more than once because in my mind these tiny little morsels are the full fucking kit and caboodle and are just this glaringly obvious window into my brain and my trauma and my feelings when in reality, to most people in my life the blue curtains are just fucking blue.

Tommy drops crumbs about what HAPPENED, not what they made him feel or how he reacted in the face of them. He wasn't out on the job. He dated and was engaged to Abby. He was jealous of the 118. He IS jealous of Eddie. He doesn't have daddy issues (clearly a LIE Tommy jfc). He's a Kinsey six. He was in the Army. He has a an accountant cousin. He'd be interested in doing something with Buck on Saturday.

Like. Scratching the surface shit. Facts.

And on the other side of his Facts is a man who is HUNGRY for information, who drinks in facts and doesn't dig deeper unless there's already a through line to the Substack/Reddit thread/etc.

Tommy sees a man who seems to dig and dig and interpret and come to conclusions based on evidence, and honestly I think it's kind of a shock to him to realize that Buck didn't draw conclusions based on what Tommy thought was GLARING evidence. Yes, he's spooked by the jump from "We dated the same woman and also you're flustered by this woman's flirting on our anniversary and also you have clearly done NO research about your sexuality that wasn't dating and fucking me" to "I want to start the process that often ends with a forever kind of thing" but he's also definitely spooked by the sudden realization that Buck took his crumbs at face value. Because Tommy never offered a through line to more.

And Buck, who is and has been desperate for the kind of relationship where someone can be his Person, where he can be someone's Person (meanwhile Tommy is silently stewing over Buck already having a Person), is so fucking aware of boundaries and so fucking cautious about pushing too-hard too-fast too-much, that even if he DID want more out of Tommy's crumbs, he never pushed because Tommy's body language EVERY one of those times was so closed off he convinced himself to steer it into a joke, a tease, a flirt.

The miscommunication is juicy and wonderful and tears my heart to pieces because they're THERE. They want a future together. Even after so much time apart they are instantly drawn in, instantly aware that they want each other, but in the hookup they sort of switch: Tommy shooting for the stars with $7mil worth of eggs and Prosecco, Buck managing expectations.

And the miscommunication is such a juicy trope to work within but the point of it is ALWAYS to find a way forward. Sometimes the way is calling it, thanking each other, moving on. Sometimes it's demanding better of themselves and their partner. If we're looking at it from a rom-com angle and not a cautionary tale angle, the miscommunication is in the story to make a couple stronger.

They know each other, but they don't know each other. And for Tommy there's this hurdle, another man who knows Buck. For Buck there's this hurdle where he doesn't know how to get to know Tommy without pushing him away.

There's so much room for them to work on it. There's so much room for them to GROW, together and separately. The whump is delicious.

I just hope that we get to see some of it on screen.

[prof-dr-worm]

My silly little head canon is that the batkids train to do the disappearing bit Bruce does with Gordon (and other people) but, as with all things, they make a contest out of it, that has become a staple of the batkid game nights.

I imagine it as a mix between red light green light and you laugh you loose. One of them, usually Barbara (she used to play but due to her condition she would be at a serious disadvantage) has to turn around for a preset amount of time and the others have to change something as fast and elaborate as possible, without making any noise.

They each have their individual styles.

Dick usually does gymnastic forms in freezeframe, handstands, splits, the whole kit and caboodle.

Jason goes for simple but elaborate changes to his clothes. Simplest of all of course, headwear, his helmet, Bruce's cowel. More impressively pants and t shirts (under dress shirts). As a neat touch he also changes books mid read.

Tim always goes for a sitting position, either how he sits to a very silly degree, upside down, sideways, somehow always balancing his laptop as if he were sitting upright. If he does sit normally, he moves to different chairs, couches or other pieces of furniture, cramped between the top of a bookshelf and the ceiling.

Steph and Duke go for silly meme poses, moving toward or away from the person turning around.

Similarly to Dick, Cass holds dance and ballet moves/poses in freezeframe, especially those where she has to contourt herself for style points.

Damian does not do things like the others, he changes things in the background, swapping pictures, smuggling his pets into the room before returning to his original position.

An early version of this was much more subtle, trying to fuck a little with Bruce, by changing little details. They only stopped playing with him because he caught on and became better and better at spotting differences.

[pseudowho]

Haitch house isn't fully unpacked, but it's close! This is the aftermath of all the preparation. The late nights decorating before we moved in. The preconceived aesthetics. The whole kit and caboodle.

In the two days since we have moved in, we've decorated and unpacked and prepped for Christmas...and now we breathe. Here are some peeks of the best current progress...

Thank you all for your messages and love throughout this busy time. It's been a fantastic balm for the stress.

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[fearfulfertility]

CONFIDENTIAL TRANSCRIPT

To: Senator [REDACTED], Congressional Committee on Population Sustainability

From: Director [REDACTED], Department of Reproductive Compliance

Date: [REDACTED]

Subject: Operational Justification of Surrogate Conscription

EXECUTIVE SUMMARY

Recent census data indicate reproduction rates have risen to [REDACTED]%, a significant improvement in national fertility rates and surpassing the [REDACTED]% emergency threshold used initially to justify surrogate conscription. While positive, abandoning our highly effective operational framework at this stage would pose political risks and threaten the stability we’ve carefully built. This transcript outlines the necessity and strategic value of continuing the surrogate conscription program, emphasizing its critical role in political control, administrative stability, and public perception.

MEETING TRANSCRIPT

Participants:

Director [REDACTED] – Department of Reproductive Compliance

Senator [REDACTED] – Congressional Committee on Population Sustainability

Location: Executive Lounge, DRC Headquarters

Date & Time:  [REDACTED], 17:30 hours

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

Director [REDACTED]

Well, Senator, I suppose you’ve seen the latest census numbers—fertility's up across the board. Technically speaking, our crisis justification is fading quicker than expected. Some eager folks up on Capitol Hill might think this means we need to roll back the conscription program.

Senator [REDACTED]

Aw, c'mon now, Director. Ya ain’t thinkin’ about pullin’ the plug just ’cause a few extra babies got born, are ya? Shoot, son, half the fun of bein' up here is keepin' folks convinced there's a crisis. Gives us room to maneuver, ya see.

Director [REDACTED]

Exactly my thought, Senator. We've created something far too useful to just hand it back. The department’s grown into a real political powerhouse. Thousands of jobs depend on it—not to mention a few bits of fun here and there. Honestly, why would we want to walk away from all that?

Senator [REDACTED]

Couldn't agree more, friend. Hell, between you an' me, the DRC's become as American as apple pie—folks’d probably be suspicious if we didn’t keep this thing runnin’. Besides, plenty of my colleagues have gotten mighty comfortable with the perks, if ya catch my drift. Be a shame to disrupt their fun... uh… good fortune.

Director [REDACTED]

Oh, I absolutely catch your drift, Senator. The truth is, this program provides more than just babies. It provides stability, consistency—and the boys certainly are beautiful once their nice and plump? Plus, ending it now would open up a whole can of ethical worms. People might start asking awkward questions. I'd prefer we not give them that opportunity.

Senator [REDACTED]

Ha! Ethical worms, that's rich. The day we start worryin' ’bout ethics in this building is the day we both retire early, am I right? Nah, the public's happier thinkin' we're savin' civilization, one preggo whore at a time. Makes a mighty fine talkin' point at the barbecue, too. Folks eat it right up.

Director [REDACTED]

Couldn’t have said it better myself. Politically, this whole operation has been gold. We’ve built something that keeps the administration looking heroic and decisive—people trust us to handle things, no questions asked. Why let reality spoil a good time?

Senator [REDACTED]

Amen, brother. Look, just write up somethin' fancy ’bout demographic stabilization or some such thing. Keep the tone cautious, say we’re monitorin’ the situation, buy us another [REDACTED], maybe a solid [REDACTED] years easy. You know how the game goes—nobody reads the fine print anyway.

Director [REDACTED]

Perfect. We'll frame it as necessary caution—no rush to celebrate just yet. As long as the public believes there's still work to do, they'll never question our operations. That gives us political cover indefinitely.

Senator [REDACTED]

Exactly! And let’s be honest, the jobs, the contracts—hell, the whole kit and caboodle—it’s got a momentum of its own. It’d be downright unpatriotic to turn that gravy train around now. My friends up in Congress would tar and feather anyone who tried to put a stop to it.

Director [REDACTED]

Then we’re agreed. We stay the course. Keep everyone employed, comfortable, and blissfully unaware. I'll draft the usual vague assurances of ongoing evaluation—make it sound reassuringly scientific and absolutely necessary.

Senator [REDACTED]

Sounds mighty fine. Ya know, Director, it’s always good catchin’ up. Folks out there think we're all business, but they don’t know how much fun we have keepin’ this circus runnin’.

Director [REDACTED]

Couldn’t agree more, Senator. I’ll send you the draft memo tomorrow morning. Let’s keep the good times running.

Senator [REDACTED]

Speakin' of good times, I gotta hand it to ya, Director. That little visit you arranged for me at Site [REDACTED]—that was somethin' else. Beautiful beach, sunshine, nothin' but relaxation. And them two boys you sent to keep me company? Well, son, let’s just say you sure know how to show an old senator a mighty fine time.

Director [REDACTED]

Glad you enjoyed yourself, Senator. I made sure those two were hand-picked… and heavily dosed with the [REDACTED] serum to make them… very compliant. Consider it my personal thanks for all the unwavering support you've thrown our way.

Senator [REDACTED] 

Ha! Well, I appreciate it. Tell ya what, seein' ’em relax and enjoyin' themselves out there on the beach was a real treat. Could hardly believe how big they were gettin', though. Good lord, Director, you're certainly keepin' those boys productive.

Director [REDACTED] (laughs):

You know my motto—maximum output, maximum efficiency. Those two were some of our top performers, too. Healthy, fit, very full. Figured you'd appreciate the quality assurance firsthand.

Senator [REDACTED]

Quality assurance indeed! Now, I've seen my fair share of your compounds and your boys in various stages—but relaxin' with 'em out there on that beach? That was a whole new level. Ya know, it was almost surreal, watchin' those young fellas soak up the sun with bellies so big they couldn’t even stand without help. Lord Almighty, Director, ya sure keep ’em productive, don't ya?

Director [REDACTED]

Hope they met expectations?

Senator [REDACTED]

Exceeded ’em, Director! You know, though, watchin' them big boys struggle to move even a few inches—felt like watchin' turtles flipped on their backs. Cute turtles, mind ya, but stuck all the same. But heck, your boys were always eager to climb into my lap for some attention. Pure entertainment and a little bit o' acrobatics, all rolled into one.

Director [REDACTED]

Well, Senator, we like to think of it as motivational entertainment. Besides, there are worse ways to spend the weekend. And, of course, we didn't want them too active. Can't risk early deliveries outside compound oversight.

Senator [REDACTED] 

Truth be told, I almost felt bad knowin' what awaited ’em afterward. But, hey, least they got one last vacation outta the deal, right? You spoil 'em, Director.

Director [REDACTED]

Only the best, Senator. Besides, these little "field trips" help boost morale among the handlers, too. A few perks here and there go a long way in keeping the whole operation running smooth.

Senator [REDACTED]

Exactly. Keepin’ spirits high, and bellies round, eh? That’s the ticket. You keep arrangin' trips like that one, and you'll never hear me complain, I guarantee it.

Director [REDACTED]

Duly noted, Senator. Consider it standard operational procedure going forward. Anything else I can arrange for you?

Senator [REDACTED]

 I'll let ya know, son. I'll let ya know.

[END TRANSCRIPT]

CONCLUSION

Given its strategic and political value, the recent positive fertility indicators do not justify dismantling the surrogate conscription program. Sustaining current operations provides employment stability, preserves political advantage, and ensures ongoing public confidence. The continuation of the surrogate conscription initiative remains both pragmatically and politically indispensable.

Respectfully submitted,

Director [REDACTED], DRC

----------------

ADDENDUM

RE: Follow-Up on Surrogates from Senator [REDACTED]’s Recent Visit to Site [REDACTED]

This addendum documents the current status of Surrogates S-142-244-M and S-129-129-O, who accompanied Senator [REDACTED] during his recent recreational visit to Site [REDACTED].

Surrogate S-142-244-M (Tridecuplets) entered labor [REDACTED] days following the Senator’s departure. After successful delivery of all 13 offspring, surrogate health rapidly deteriorated, resulting in expiration approximately [REDACTED] minutes post-delivery. Cause of expiration confirmed as [REDACTED] due to extreme [REDACTED].

Surrogate S-129-129-O (Quindecuplets) commenced active labor approximately [REDACTED] hours following the Senator's departure, successfully delivering 15 offspring. Post-delivery vitals indicated severe [REDACTED] rupture and systemic exhaustion, resulting in expiration [REDACTED] minutes after delivering the final fetus.

All offspring from both surrogates survived birth and have been transferred to standard neonatal processing. No further action is required.

----------------

Click Here to return to DRC Report Archives

[genderkoolaid]

Rating Yonic Words (Very Logical and Unbiased and Scientific and Impartial)

Vagina et al. - 2/10. Hard* "g" sound is awful. Its a chewy word. Would be better with a soft "g" like in the french vagin, but even thats like, 5/10. Also way overused to describe the whole set when its only the main hole, but its also the proper clinical word for said hole. "Vag" is slightly better but carries the sin of the father (hard "g"), and va-jay-jay is a solid 0. You just doubled the worst sound here. Its the yonic Cain.

*not actually hard, my brain is just too french, but i don't think this sound deserves to be called soft. it's a chewy g. forgive me for my lies

Vulva - 10/10. Love him. "V" sounds flow so nicely. You could sing this in an opera. Also actually refers to the whole kit n caboodle. May be a little clinical for some but we can change that. We can make it horny. You can help me make it horny. Betty Dodson would want you to help me make it horny.

Pussy - 7/10. Gets some points for being a classic, and its decent sounding. But the "s" sounds aren't the best, especially alongside the "p" sound. Its just a little too harsh and kind of juvenile. Good for a laff.

Punani et al. - 2 to 7/10. Gets cool points for being a descendant of the Akan language through Jamaican creole. Gets a range of points because I'm grouping poontang (bad word to say and hear) in with punani (a clear 7)

Labia - 10/10. Vulva's lovely twin. Another word you could sing. The "b" sound isn't offputting- it flows nicely between the elegant "L" and "ia." Again, a bit clinical, but so good to say. Labia (the word and the body part) deserve more love.

Fanny - 0/10. Pussy's worse sounding cousin. Replacing the "s" sounds with "n" removes the flow of pussy, which makes this the yonic-linguistic equivalent of going down a dry waterslide.

Cunt - 10/10. Its like a punch in a good way. Not too harsh, but makes its point clearly; a well-rounded sound. Can be comedic and horny but its not too unserious. Good mouthfeel. I'm a big cunt fan. Can also be an insult, but such is the way of sex organs. Such a versatile word.

Coochie - 4/10. Sorry to the coochie lovers out there but my god? The "ch" sound? Awful to hear. Get that out of my genitalia. Gets points for comedic use, which I respect.

Twat - 2/10. Sounds like the sound made when Batman decks some guy in the face. The "t" sounds here are just unpleasant, and when combined with "æ" it gets worse. Sorry Brits & co. </3

Clitoris / Clit - 9/10. Important organ we all know and love. Both long & short versions sound good, although I think it could be smoother. Way better clinical term than vagina, but I wish we had wider options for him.

Snatch - 3/10. I'm not a fan of the sounds at play here (once again, get "ch" out of here), but I find this word really funny. I cannot imagine this being used hornily. It sounds like the name of a delightful cryptid.

Quim - 4/10. What are you, from the 1700s? I think it sounds alright, the "q" isn't abrasive, but unless you are writing historical fiction it just doesn't sound right.

Any and All Metaphorical Words - 1/10. Never work outside of extremely horny contexts or jokes. Gets one point for extremely horny contexts and jokes.

[readingtoinfinity]

Batman and Robin (2023) #14-present

Like before, the issues from this new creative team suffer from the fact the characters don't talk to one another. After a whole kit and caboodle last time about not bottling up feelings, both Bruce and Damian proceed to do just that. It's immensely frustrating to watch.

I am going to stick with this until the final issue, whenever they take down Memento, because for all that I don't like them lying and spying on one another, the central mystery is intriguing, and the villain's got a cool gimmick and design. But after that I'm out; I will let y'all know if it totally blows my mind.

[grxmreaperx]

ive been stuck in the airport for 8 hours and awake for 29 hours so i have deleriously begun thinking of domestic Mark Hoffman on a vacation.

To me he definitley screams airport dad, he’s holding everyones passports and boarding passes, he’s weighing everyones bags , quadruple checking everyone has everything they need and the whole kit and caboodle. but on the flip side the second yall are actually in the plane in the air he becomes normal cocky Mark Hoffman again, whispering in your ear about joining the mile high club and honestly probably doing it lolllll ,, his hand permanently gripping your thigh or having you sleep on his shoulder

anyway thats the end of my delusional rambles about my fav psycho bastard <33

ok this is so fucking funny and i haven't been able to stop thinking about it since this hit my inbox so have some headcanons (might make this into a full goofy fic at some point we'll see)

first off, i hope you get some sleep soon!!

domestic Hoffman has me WEAK

he gets so stressed

"did you pack this?" "did you pack this?" "did you pack this?"

"for FUCKS sake Mark why don't you just pack?"

has to be at the airport like 8 hours early

wears the most outrageous Hawaiian shirts he can find

i have a headcanon that he dresses fairly darker on his days off (probably old band tshirts type of look) but on vacation this man would look like a stereotypical tourist

i'm just imagining you and Mark going on a vacation with all of the other apprentices (and Adam because i said so)

he's considered putting one of those kiddie leases on Adam because he always wanders off

the only person he doesn't yell at for walking too slow is John

he and Amanda are fighting because she tried to bring a knife through the metal detectors and now you're all stopped by security and he's worried you're going to miss your flight (it's four hours away)

the only people he doesn't get annoyed with are you and Lawrence (who he has put in charge of Adam)

"Amanda did you pack sunscreen for John? I don't want to listen to either of you complain if he gets burnt"

"babe i'm gonna kill them, someone is not making it on that plane."

he's internally screaming when Amanda and Adam start playing monkey in the middle with his wallet cause they're bored

"John control your children for fuck's sake"

"Lawrence would you control your boy toy my GOD"

you, John, and Lawrence are just sitting, patiently waiting to board the plane and watching Mark die a little inside

definitely said he would "turn this car around" at least once when you were on your way to the airport

once you're on the plane (and you've made sure he's not sitting next to Amanda or Adam) he's back to normal

absolutely makes a joke about you two joining the mile high club

(and you probably do if we're being honest)

will not stop whispering things in your ear just to entertain himself

Adam makes fun of you later after he saw you both sneaking out of the bathroom

you try and convince him to sleep on the plane ride but he refuses

it starts all over again once the plane lands

"babe someone is not going to make it to the hotel why didn't we just come by ourselves"

tag list: @bee-who-isnt-french, @enigmatic-blues, @kujofam, @aliengutzstuff, @mysunfishpeedinmyroom, @slut4hoffman, @schrodingersjigsaw, @hoffmansnightmare, @karmaswitch, @mrs-hotforhoffman, @returntodustsblog, @capan-deveraux2, @switchbabeeexo, @librababe99, @honimello

[theborzoiarebackintown]

My bff had work obligations and asked me to travel with Varus (the puppy’s dad) and take care of him in PA for the Borzoi Club of Delaware Valley’s speciality. He won the whole kit and caboodle, defeating almost 60 other borzoi of quality!

I love this man and am very grateful to be part of his little family ❤️❤️ it was wonderful to get to see him earn such a significant win!