#whoever is controlling my life rn - i would like to continue to stay in this simulation - thanks v much

[inertia-writes]

dehradun days

you meet them for the first time,

knowing it's probably the last.

might as well make the most of this time,

since life comes at you fast.

you find the strangest of signals

in the no-network zones.

cross-tent communication with folks,

just rambling about the unknown.

there's the warmth of shared laughter,

that carries you through freezing nights,

and you look up at the flickering stars,

to finally see things in a different light.

and at 11,000 ft above sea level

you finally reach the peak,

just to realise the joy was in the journey,

and the friends you made that week.

you'll visit caves & splendid cafes,

and remember the city in mere parts,

but years later, you'll still tell everyone,

how dehradun captured your heart.

[chaosmultiverse]

Funfacts/Important HCs About my William Aton

So since rn I can't really make bio pages I'm gonna share the important info on some of my new muses via these posts, below the cut is the info.

William came from a broken home, his mother was emotionally abusive and his father was flat out monstrous, I haven't figured out all the details but it was a mix of abuses including verbal and physical.

So William did a mix of putting up a perfect goodie two shoes son persona and extreme acts of 'rebellion', one week his teachers would be commenting on how well behaved he was to the next week where his mother found the pastor's missing dog in a shoebox under the boy's bed.

William is gay, but due to the culture of his time and his family's abuse he never became comfortable with this aspect of himself, intensely denying this part of himself, feeling intense shame over his feelings for other men and as a father was homophobic, especially towards Michael when it became clear that the boy may have been gay too. The only version of William who is actually comfortable with this aspect of himself is Glitchtrap, though outside of ghost or entites based off Henry he would have no interest in a relationship.

Like a lot of serial killers Williams first targets where animals, at first wild small animals no one miss like rats or birds but eventually he moved onto street 'pet' animals before eventually targeting people's pets. It gave him a sense of control, something that he had power over regardless of his parents, had he been taken from his parents at this point it would not have been too late for him to give up on this unhealthy coping mechanism.

But no, he was with them until he was 18, on the same very day he left. He had been still in school so simply didn't go back to the house and instead went to get ID and then rented a mortal room for the rest of high school (or may have stayed with Henry, in interactions with Henrys that knew William before he was 18.)

William went to a university for a business degree, he had always had a lot of academic skills and his anxiety over his family being able to control him using money kept him from going foe his real passions in different types of preforming or sewing.

This is another point in time he could have meet Henry, finally for the first time he had someone in his life who valued him for how he presented himself, didn't have some predetermined idea of him

Too bad that after so many years of lying to survive William just... Didn't know how to be honest, to open up or express who he truly was but hey, at the time he thought it was great. He could just choose to be whoever he wanted and Henry's affection for that persona would be great social pressure to not ruin it like how he stained his 'innocent child' persona with blood.

Yeah he was setting himself up for failure, for him to feel very alone, to continue to feel intense shame over his feelings for others and to be setting himself up to grow to resent the person he loved most.

But it still wasn't too late, it had only been animals and people who deserved it that had suffered at his hands. Had someone intervened, been able to look past his act and get him to admit there was a issue he could have became a okay person, not a monster.

This is the last option for when he meets Henry, finally thinks he can trick himself into having a happy relationship where he's a totally fake person.

They draw up the ideas for Freddy's and set to it, to make their dream come true.

William didn't let Henry wear the Springlock suits, or really do a lot of the riskier things when it came to the restaurant, the idea of Henry getting hurt was at the time very destressing to William and... He thought out of the pair he was worth less, that Freddy's would live on, Henry would live on, without him, so it was totally fine if he died trying to fulfill every role needed of him.

He may have projected a lot of himself onto Bonnie and projected Henry onto Freddy, whenever he could he always made any version of the two best friends. And when Michael made the Glamrock animatronics that was simply ingrained, no longer with the context remembered.

As a whole he was always controlling of Henry, though at first it was his putting Henry on a pedestal and self hate that motivated it.

Things got worse, especially morally when William ended up having a shotgun marriage with a woman he didn't know too well, she was a seamstress who William had tried dating after getting to know her as she was hired to help with putting together some of the suits. When she became pregnant she made it clear she didn't have the money to rise a child alone and would be shunned by her family if they found out, so William both out of a sense of obligation and wanting to do things right, fit in (after all Henry had a partner, shouldn't he? Won't it be good to be ahead of him for once?)

William was extremely emotionally negligent and controlling of her, forcing her to leave her job and rely on him for money and controlling how she would present herself, no one was to know this up and comer had married a lowly seamstress.

When Michael was born William swore to himself that he would be a better father, he did honestly love his new child, even if he didn't love the boy's mother. He failed, miserably often resorting to verbal and emotional abuse to control Micheal and physical abuse when either his emotions became to unstable or when he felt the child would be a threat to his persona otherwise.

Soon enough Henry had a children of his own, William quickly took on a uncle like role and in all honesty up until the big breaking point acted like a better parenteral figure to the twins than his own children, as he could never bring himself to abuse them them in the same ways, just deceive them.

William would often joke that someday when they were older Charile should marry one of his sons. This was very much just projection of his own desire to be with Henry

Soon enough he and his wife also had Elizabeth and Evan, after seeing how Michael was turning out William decided to be more hands on in controlling them.

He pushed Elizabeth into becoming a pageant star as a child, forcing her to take dance and acting and all of the artsy things he hadn't been allowed to as a young boy, punishing her whenever she expressed her own true intrests, despite how much he mourned her later on he never even really knew Elizabeth, due to him no one did.

He isolated Evan from the rest of the family and tried to push him into behaving how he did as a child using the Fredbear plush to give commands and try to break him (to be pit back together better), unfortunately for William Evan's stress response nor response to thinking his family hated him was the same as Williams.

But despite his treatment of his family he made them all keep up the act of being happy even around the actually happy Henry.

Then Evan died, Willi drove himself, the boy and Michael to the hospital as his wife got into a streaming match with Henry, begging for a answer to why a animatronic could even bite down (no one noticed Elizabeth, just staring at the blood.)

This is when Williams whole thing of pretending to be a whole other person thing sorta failed him as at that point he resented Henry, was so jealous and had so much hate for how happy Henry was in contrast with his miserable life that he was driven to kill.

He wanted to make Henry hurt as badly as he was, so he took one of Henry's children and then he took more childrens lives, made everyday a nightmare for the both of them as Henry would have to see other heartbroken parents and have that tragedy stain their dream.

Soon enough he did notice remetent and did decide to study it, though unlike in canon he had no goals of immortality, he was more simply curious.

But it still took Elizabeth's life, and after that it was becoming clear he was tied to the issues of Freddy's.

So he faked his death, his wife was finally free of him and did her best to care for Michael meanwhile William continued to be a issue for Henry/Freddy's.

To be continued

[natalieisabellee]

8:10pm for nosy ahh people

also im a lil garden gummied rn.

I think the reason why I feel trapped in my head is because I allow it to go on. I of course know that it isn’t always my fault and that I need to allow myself to feel whatever I’m feeling. But even then sometimes, I don’t allow myself to feel those feelings?? So complicated. But I allow it to go on. I’ve grown far away from telling my brain otherwise because I have grown so comfortable with “being okay with change” but then never wanting it to happen. I think it is because my childhood was depressing but I managed to stay happy. My adolescence, I sook validation from men and everyone around me but swore otherwise. In high school, I was open to knowing how I was a worse person and acknowledged my growth that was needed and I grew. I was involved. I was in JROTC, marching band. I didn’t have the time to think about all of the empty space because betwixt all of that I still cared what everyone thought. Then I found people who showed me that I was who I was and that was chill. They lifted me up until they couldn’t recognize me due to their change. I wasn’t changing, I wasn’t moving fast enough and I wasn’t a part of their life solely anymore. I caved and I cared and I begged for forgiveness because it’s what I’ve always done and I did it over and over, for them. I think I fought so hard because through it all, even though I cared what they all thought, I knew they were all just people. We all have different lives and you never know what they hell is going on is someone’s world. While mine could be raining in sadness, someone else’s could be burning in rage. But then ultimately I realized that every day you fight for something and when it comes to your peace, your mentally, your health and your morals of who you wanna be as an existing person in this world; you have to choose yourself. You have to. And that’s doing what you wanna do, being with whoever you wanna be with, filling your life with so much contentness that you could one day (?) hopefully want for nothing because you know that you are a lucky human being with compassion and drive and perseverance. I started my new life when I came four hours from home to meet my best friends who I hope I have for the rest of my life. Since day one I’ve relearned so much about the possibility of good people. People who are understanding and real and also have so much shit going on that they realize that sometimes life. is. just. hard. Everyday they continue to teach me how to be a good person, they show me how to go for my dreams, they believe in themselves and they believe in me. But amongst all of the beauty and ecstasy of contentness, I’m stuck. I’m stuck not wanting any of it to change because that would mean that life is real. (Covid also really threw me off, not gonna lie. That’s when I started smoking weed. I vaped nicotine for a year because “everyone else was doing it” and I worked in fast food and it was so easy to get. I learned that my brother had been smoking weed in high school as well and I became a little less apprehensive about trying it because I trust my brother. I loved it immediately and the moment I turned eighteen, I got myself a thc cartridge to vape, all of the time. Came the summer after the weirdest senior year of high school and I managed to get a bowl and some flower. I started doing it all the time. I became more relaxed and anxious about everything and felt a shift in who I was as a person. I genuinely began to like myself more and more. I was open to the idea of starting over…but you read about that already.) Another realization is in my midst though and that’s that I have been letting this go on when I am the one in control. 

k thanks, byeee :)))

[mego42]

I 100% agree about wanting more fanfic lists! I honestly think it's the best way to get a variety. Everybody has personal preferences, if someone, who mostly reads long, fluffy au Brio fic, is making recs, they're not likely to mention short, angsty, canon Brio (which is understandable and fair!) so ideally someone else, who does like those, would also do recs. I'm pretty sure I've read or at least tried the vast majority of Brio fics, but the recs often make me re-read the fic and author.

YAAASSSS!!! I mean like, okay, I v much get why people have issues with rec lists, and I def do not by any stretch endorse the idea that recs/rec lists should be considered anything other than one person sharing a think they liked, but to me a lot of the issues (the same fics/authors getting recced, feeling like awesome fics/authors are going unrecognized) can be solved by more reccing, not less. everyone’s got different taste and different stuff they look/read for and I am extremely pro sharing that.

Idk, I think about it like this: in a previous internet life I was a YA book blogger and I lived and died by recs from other bloggers whose taste and preferences I knew. I mean, you know, I’d check out a book bc the premise sounded interesting but literally the first thing I would do was go to Goodreads and look for a handful of people who tended to like the same books I did and see what they were saying about it bc that was the best way to get a good idea of if I wanted to give it a shot. Or, on the flip side, there were some people whose reviews I followed bc I knew we v much did not read for the same things so if they hated a book for X, Y and Z reasons, I was probs going to like it (one thing about book blogging is if you want to keep current, you do not have a lot of time to mess around, snap judgements are key but that’s a whole other thing and idk if it’s even relevant anymore bc that landscape has changed so much). 

ANYWAY, the point is, I got in the habit and now I do the same thing with fic bc, tbh, I don’t have a ton of time to read, esp not when I’m actively writing which, with the exception of the last week or two, I’ve been doing p non-stop since I got here. All of which to say is, I am desperately in favor of fic recs for purely selfish reasons, I need them! Give them to me!!! Please!!!!!

That said, I uh, am v bad at returning the favor and I recognize that (I think I’ve made what? two rec lists for this fandom?) so I will try to do better to live by my own, idek what this is, moving on and here are 10 recs not really thematically linked by anything other than I’ve read them and loved them and don’t think I’ve put any of them on one of my rec lists yet (and if I have, my blog is a trainwreck I cannot be expected to remember what’s on it LET ME LIVE):

The Goodest Boy by EnsignDisaster

There’s a key turning in the lock and Buddy rushes over to greet his Master excited for her to meet his new friends. The door opens and he dances around Master’s feet rejoicing on the fact that she’s made it home. It's been literally forever.

“Hey Buddy what’s wrong? Need to go potty? Need to pee-pee?”

“Nah he’s good we took him out.”

Master does something very unMasterlike, she drops all the food she’d brought in on the ground and screams. It’s a non traditional avant garde type of hello��Buddy loves it. Mostly because while Master taps furiously on her small light box and sits tense in the corner opposite his new friend Buddy can lick up the egg smashed on the hardwood floor.

Buddy! The! Dog! POV! no further explanation necessary. Technically WIP, but it covers the whole pilot in a way that could be read as standalone (THOUGH THAT WOULD V MUCH GIVE ME A SAD though, when did the show forget the Bolands had a dog? so maybe that’s a tragic casualty of canon, idk)

May The Moon’s Silvery Beams by @pynkhues

Emma hums in agreement, and Rio turns her around to sit her on the counter, grabbing one of the older looking boxes of muesli while she kicks her legs out, heels bumping back against the counter, watching him. He gropes around the inside of the box, finally just opting to pull the plastic cereal bag out and peering inside. He can’t quite keep the grin off his face when he sees the wad of cash lining the bottom. This woman kills him, she really does.

Then there’s a little face peering up beside him, trying to peek into the box.

“What is it?” she asks, and he tilts the box sideways so she can see inside.

The upside to not getting here until s3 is that old fic is new to me! Huzzah!! Idk how many of y’all have already read this on but if you haven’t I highkey recommend. Extremely cute take on what if Emma woke up when Rio and came by to collect his/Beth’s/whoever's money during the shutdown. Cannot believe I’m reccing kidfic. Witchcraft!!!!!!

Maybe You’re My Fantasy by ohmisterjapan

He fucking loves the involuntary. It speaks to how he likes to unlock chaos and walk away. He's been called a control freak before and it felt like such a misunderstanding of him - he's all about self control but he doesn't want to control others. It's more that he enjoys revealing to them how little they can control themselves. It's more that he likes to stand still in the eye of someone else's storm and pick coldly through the wreckage.

Another oldie but a goodie. This fic is more like an extended character study (first chapter Rio POV, second chapter Beth) and I LIVE FOR THIS KIND OF SHIT. I really really really love the take on both characters, it really digs in and pulls out some nuances that made me sit and think about my own read of them and I love it.

A Shock Of Blue by mintletters16

“You don’t look very well. Would you… like me to get you a glass of water or something?”

Her voice is low but smooth, laced with a softness that cuts straight though to his core. Strawberry blonde locks fall gently just above the pair of magnets freezing him in place.

He can still feel the chaos tearing through his veins - emanating from the gold plated gun stuffed in his waistband - and suddenly he can’t be here anymore. Can’t meet this wide-eyed gaze that’s been locked on his for the past God-knows-how-long anymore.

Can’t see blue alive and concerned when he just left it cold and void somewhere in oblivion.

She’s looking at him like he’s on the brink of madness. He thinks maybe he is.

Apparently, it’s backlist rec day over here and I’m not sorry. This one is another technical WIP but the chapter works as a standalone (BUT if the author decided to return to it I WOULD NOT BE MAD). It’s a what if Beth and Rio met pre-canon and it works so!!! well!!!! The tension and fascination and build are all *chef’s kiss* plus the writing is gorgeous and lyrical and ugh, I love it.

for a moment we were strangers by openhearts

“We got stuff,” Rio motions with a nod to the backpack Beth hadn’t noticed when they arrived hanging on the back of one of the chairs at the island.

She swallows and turns back to the dishes, realizing Rio apparently means to sleep there , assuming the place isn’t bugged.  Or for some kind of cover story if it is.  She turns and fixes Rio with a narrow-eyed stare, studying his face, the corner of his jaw especially prominent from the angle she’s looking up at him.  He’s methodical about drying each dish and setting it back on the rack, maddeningly ignoring her hard stare, so when he goes to take the next plate from her hands she grips it tightly and gets his attention.

“Hey.”

“What you on about now?” he asks, irritated.

It gets her gut uneasy, how he’s just . . . there, settling in, in ways he never had before, no matter how nonchalantly he would let himself in through her locked doors.  

“This is,” Beth tries, failing, to find words for it, “. . . it’s weird .”

This one takes place post 204 and Rio and Marcus end up spending a long weekend staying with Beth and Emma for reasons (that work, for the record, I’m just not trying to summarize rn) and it’s domestic and cute but honestly my fav part of it is how weirded out Beth is by how easily they slip into sync. The story does an excellent job balancing where they are in canon (uneasy post-sex truce) with a snapshot of what they could be if they got over themselves (HA! as if) and Beth is DEEPLY FREAKED which makes her slow slide into realizing she could maybe sort of kind of oh shit like it/him??? that much more satisfying.

Not So Careful by @bensonstablers

When he doesn’t answer, her eyes go to his but he’s too busy watching the letter opener which is still pressed against the back of his hand. Curiously, Beth runs it up his arm, careful not to press too hard, and smiles a little as he shivers. Pulling her leg up onto the bed, she shuffles closer to him before pressing the tip of the sword to his chest and slowly circling his left nipple with it, being sure not to get too close.

“You ain’t gotta be that careful.”

And when she lifts her eyes to meet his, he’s got that look. The one that always makes a lump form in her throat and for her to fall back into bed with him without a single thought of what they have to do that day. Only thing is, this time they’ve got nothing to do for the rest of the weekend and well, staying in bed the entire time had seemed like an appealing idea so she allows herself to give in a little to that look.

It makes me EXTREMELY SAD that knifeplay ranked so low on the kink survey so I’m gonna need y’all to check out this V V V EXCELLENT example of it and come back and tell me you’re sorry and you voted wrong. I am v reasonable what are you talking about.

love (where it wasn’t supposed to be) by @lilliloves

"You know what I can't stand?" Rio asks, stepping closer. It's a rhetorical question but he pauses for a second and watches Dean sniff, watches a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead, watches him shift on both his feet as he contemplates making a run for it.

"A guy who don’t realize how good he's got it." Rio continues, looking Dean up and down in disgust. "A guy that will literally fuck up a good thing just to get his dick wet."

"Yeah, well I can't stand a guy who can have anyone he wants but chooses the married woman he's not entitled to.” Dean shoots back. "And I really can't stand the fact that you're always in the room with us even when you aren't there."

And who brings him into the room Dean hmmmmm????? Jk, jk (or am I). In this one Rio catches Dean out on the town with another woman (bc of course he is) and tries to call him out but whoops! gets called out himself. I really love the like, idk, undercurrent of wistful regret in this fic. I love Dean straight up calling Rio out on his feelings (spoilers but there’s an exchange right after this one that made me straight up holler), and, you know, obvs I am here for Rio making Dean feel like an ass. 

Hell Is Other People by makemanybraver

Rio: We're in Hell, Elizabeth! If you don't think you belong here, then repent! Don't fuck everyone in the room in hopes that you get to go out!

Beth: Why do I have to repent?!

Rio: Because you did some fucked up shit in your life, Elizabeth! You keep doing fucked up shit here, too! And you think you don't belong here!

Beth [screaming at the top of her lungs]: Because I don't!

This fic is existentially bonkers and I love it. It’s the kind of experimental format/homage/what have you kind of thing that I L O V E. Based on No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre, Beth, Rio, and Fitzpatrick are stuck together in a room in hell for all eternity. What more do you need, honestly.

Working On Things by odenkirk

Unknown Hold up, Elizabeth. I'm really thinkin about you here.

Beth turned her face into the pillow, effectively suffocating herself for a moment, but thinking it was a good trade off for the way the cool silk of her pillowcase chilled her skin.

She lifted her head to glance at the still sleeping Dean before replying.

Beth I'm thinking about you too. But this can't happen.

She wanted him to know she wanted him, but she also thought that admitting she was already there would save Rio from trying to convince her. She wanted him, but morals had to win just once in a while.

YES this is technically Beth/Dean while also being Beth/Rio BUT it’s also sort of Rio/Dean and I am HERE FOR THE DIVERSITY OF SHIPPING leave me alone who asked you.

Five Times He Knew What She Was Thinking, and One Time He Didn't by JoeyLee

Aight, so tell ‘em I was hittin’ it. Said deliberately blunt, eyes locked on her face the whole time, just to see those blue eyes widen. She looked so shocked that he almost laughed, so he softened it teasingly just to keep her going. Oh, I’m sorry, sweetheart, tell ‘em we were makin’ love.

Then he just watched her, just watched her face, just fucking fascinated. Her lips were parted and her eyes were big as saucers, and…there it was. Before she could look away flustered, he watched the thought go through her mind. Him and her together.

He wondered what she was picturing or where. Them in the back seat, her bed, a motel?  Her on top or him from behind or his face between her legs?

Whatever it was, the blush started immediately, and he watched it bloom out from her cheeks to her hair. Then she was tearing her eyes away to gulp a little.  But it didn’t knock her down for long before she was looking back. And then, wait, was she actually asking him how to go about telling a fed they were fucking?

Okay this is another technical WIP but works as a standalone. I am absolutely fucking feral for character POV takes of canon scenes and this is a supremely excellent take on Rio POV of some notable scenes from the pilot through 204. Imo it brilliantly captures Rio’s voice and I love it a lot. 

HEADS UP I am absolute shite at tracking ao3 to tumblr unless people have specifically told me someone’s ao3/tumblr name SO if you recognize any of the non-tumblr authors on please lmk so I can tag them and YES I recognize that I am asking y’all to do things for me throughout this entire post and I’M SORRY OKAY I’M A WHOLE ASS MESS LOVE YOU BYE

[grandmasterofwangxiancultivation]

SV ch.62

it’s already here. wow. *sweats profusely* IF LBH DOESN’T WAKE UP HERE-

Zhuzhi-Lang said, “Master Shen, please pardon me.”

Don’t! A thousand times don’t! I got into this miserable state when you wanted to thank me, now that you’re apologizing, can I even hope to live!?

SHIZUN I ABSOLITELY LOVE PLS MARRY ME. GUYS HOW CAN I LAUGH THIS HARD WHILE BEING SO FREAKING WORRIED-

EDIT:

Luo Binghe was still sleeping in that coffin, so the blood wreaking havoc in his body could only belong to someone else. Tianlang-Jun said, “Peak Lord, this shouldn’t be the first time you’ve drank Heavenly Demon’s blood, how come you’re still not used to it?”

I KNEW IT

FUCK! AAAAAAH i’m so mad right now can these two please stop being assholes and let my babies the fuck GoOoO-

EDIT 2: okay wHAT

Tianlang-Jun sighed, “Even in this state you can walk so many steps, Peak Lord Shen is willful and resolute, truly an extraordinary person. I should say, you’re even willing to throw away your own life for my son?”

Suddenly, Zhuzhi-Lang said, “My lord, I… this subordinate can’t keep holding on.”

Before his words had fallen, Shen Qingqiu felt the pain suddenly dissolve, his whole body lightening. Right away, he broke into a frantic run. Seeing that he was suddenly able to run away, Tianlang-Jun said, astonished, “Isn’t your blood able to restrain him?”

Zhuzhi-Lang was also at a loss. “Before, I was able to restrain him. But this time I can’t, I don’t know the reason!”

one sec they are like muahahah we got you, i was even getting emotional for the fact that shizun is in fact risking his life also to keep lbh safe my heart MY HEART, and then zhuzuhzuz just pops out with i can’t hold on anymore and I WANNA KNOW WHY WHAT HELPED SHIZUN TELL MEEEEEEE

EDIT 3:

After carrying on for this long, he was already approaching his body’s limits, lingering on the fringe of collapse, his knees turning to jelly. However, he didn’t fall to his knees but was firmly supported by a hand, half carried and half held up.

His head dizzy and his eyes blurred, his gaze focused upwards.

In the murky darkness of the stone corridor, it was impossible to see the face, but a pair of eyes burning with fury and a shining scarlet demon mark shone clearly through the gloom.

PòWEKKG HE IS HERE

HELP

YESSSS

COUNT ON LBH TO ALWAYS ALWAYS MAKE THE BEST ENTRANCE A NOVEL WILL EVER SEE. GO BABY. KICK THEIR FREAKING ASSES AND GET YOUR HUSBAND OUT OF THERE

EDIT 4: 

He said, blandly, “Are you alright?”

Luo Binghe’s tone was still somewhat uncharitable. “Alright? What alright?”

Seeing him full of vitality, he was most likely fine. This being the case, he’d, at last, managed to repay a little favor to Luo Binghe. Shen Qingqiu nodded. “Then that’s good.”

me internally, reading: i swear these two are impossible. they areobviously worried for each other, but they have two radically different ways of showing it. lbh just goes and yells at him and is full of rage and sparky reddish eyes and can’t keep his anxiety at bay, and in shizun’s eyes it looks like he is angry at him, which lbh maybe is, a bit, but not in that sense -he was just worried sick he’d lose him again and ready to kill whoever did that to him. on the other hand, shizun voices his worry and tries to reach for him a bit, but can’t seem to see past lbh’s anger for now? so he sulks and turns away and yea, that’s it, he actually likes when lbh was all affectionate, there you go shizun.

me, from the outside: this- they- WHY ARE YOU TWO- omg i can’t- LBH YOU FUCKER STOP YELLING AT HIM, DON’T YOU SEE HE WAS WORRIED, YOU ARE TWO, S A Y I T REPEAT AFTER ME “SHIZUN SORRY I WAS TERRIFIED THEY HAD DONE SOMETHING TO YOU I LOVE YOU” iT’s NoT tHaT hArD rIgHt-

EDIT 5:

To exit the Holy Mausoleum, the Xin Mo sword and Luo Binghe were both indispensable, without either one you could only randomly wander around the inside. But, he had risked his life to drag him this far and got a faceful of yelling as a result. It would be pointless to stay there and sulk.

He hadn’t walked a few steps when the energy-draining candles suddenly lit up. The faint candlelight illuminated his side profile. Luo Binghe suddenly reached out to pull on him. “Are you crying?”

*chokes*

hanji.exe has stopped working

EDIT 6: EXCUSE ME DID I SUDDENLY FORGOT HOW TO READ IS SHIZUN   C    R   Y   I   N   G SOIFJGEOIWRJGPOWERKGPOEWRKG NO OKAY WHO TOLD YU YOU COULD MAKE SHIZUN C R Y   I CAN’T EVEN SAY THE WORD OUT LOUD IN THE SAME SENTENCE WITH SHIZUN HE IS CRYING???????

“IN LOVE BUT IN DENIAL” IS THAT YOU????????

EDIT 7: i love/hate how there is always a good excuse for shizun to react to lbh only for there to be another reason

yeah right WHAT A COINCIDENCE

The anger that had just been in Luo Binghe’s voice disappeared without a trace. He said tensely, “So to say, when I heard Shizun crying earlier, it wasn’t fake?” 　　 Shen Qingqiu flew into a rage out of humiliation. “Crying, what crying, I don’t know!”

(SO HE HEARD SHIZUN CRY? DOES THAT MEAN HE FELT SHIZUN HUG HIM?

P L E A S E  IT’S THE ONLY THING I NEED IN MY LIFE RN)

EDIT 8:

The more he looked, the more apprehensive his expression grew. Right now there wasn’t any place on Shen Qingqiu’s body that was safe to look at. He was nothing but a lump of wounds and blood, seriously a spectacle too horrible to endure. Luo Binghe remembered that before he lost consciousness, Shen Qingqiu was clearly in perfect condition. His voice shook. “This… was all for… me?”

Shen Qingqiu was going to start spitting blood. If not him, then who?

(OMG ARE THEY ACTUALLY MAKING PROGRESS? LOOK LOOOOOOOK MY BABIES ARE USING SPEECH TO COMMUNICATE!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO PROUD.)

He couldn’t say this sort of thing, and he always disliked making a big deal of bestowing affection and showing scars in the past, so he could only spit out four words: “Your hand, let go.”

Luo Binghe changed his face in the blink of an eye, softening. “I won’t let go. Shizun, don’t be mad, I was wrong.”

(*inhales* BABY. HE WON’T LET GO. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FIDHGOIEJRGOIEJRIOEGJOIRJGERI)

Having been sent off, Luo Binghe once again latched on to him like sticky candy, you couldn’t even pry him off. “Shizun, why don’t you hit me. You can beat me up to vent your anger, how about that?”

Someone come help me, there’s an incurable M here, who can come lock him up–

(guys let’s keep it pg-13- or not. i am totally okay with going further than that *wink wink*

and anyway, lbh, you can’t solve everything like that-)

EDIT 9:

After wearing him down for quite a while, Shen Qingqiu said helplessly, “…You’ve always been like this, crying and admitting your faults but you’ll die before you change your ways. What use is it?”

At this point, Luo Binghe was almost sobbing. “Won’t it be enough if I change my ways? Shizun, don’t abandon me.”

Seeing him in this good-for-nothing state, if not for the fact that he was still worrying about the bumps he left earlier Shen Qingqiu really wanted to give him a few smacks on the head. Was there something wrong with his teaching methods? How did he raise a crybaby? Luo Binghe, the demon king incarnate, likes to hang on to his Shizun’s clothes and wail when there’s no one around – if he were to tell about this who would f***ing believe it!?

OKAY THIS IS THE USUAL PATTERN EXTRAS AND FF ARE SET ON, AREN’T THEY BEAUTIFUL LIKE THIS? SHIZUN DON’T ABANDON ME 

MY HEARTTTTTTTTT

is shizun finally starting to come to terms with the fact that lbh is not the original one?

EDIT 10: MY BABY WAS WORRIED HE WAS BEING ABANDONED I CAN’T GUYS I CAN’T

I GIVE UP

I CAN’T

EDIT 11: 

Luo Binghe continued, “Just now, I didn’t do it on purpose. I don’t know why,obviously I didn’t actually believe it, I didn’t want to say that sort of thing, but in front of Shizun, I never could control myself. I know I’m being embarrassing and losing face, but knowing that Shizun never threw me away but was protecting me all along, that I wasn’t just dreaming this whole time, I’m so happy…”

OKAY LBH CAN YOU SLOW DOWN OR DO YOU REALLY WISH FOR MY DEATH WHO DO YOU THINK I AM, AN ICE QUEEN?

*sobs*

EDIT 12:

He slowed down and said, “Then, you really are alright now?” 　　 Luo Binghe promptly nodded. “I’m alright.” 　　 Just then you were burned so severely, but now you’re completely fine? Shen Qingqiu was quite skeptical and pressed his hand to his forehead, turns out it really was cool and smooth. Shen Qingqiu wanted to retract his hand, but Luo Binghe covered his hand with his own, refusing to let him pull away. His eyes gleamed below their folded palms.

(OH MY GOD

I CAN’T BREATH. WE LIKE BOLD LBH SO MUCH-)

This expression was too familiar. This was precisely that look he saw on that perfect little sheep following him around and eating grass every day on Qing Jing Peak, the young ray of sunlight Luo Binghe.

(i’ll die i know this is how i die shizun is thinking back about little binghe and my life now has a meaning worth living for)　　

Shen Qingqiu’s face was going to turn red under his stare, but he couldn’t bear to tear his hand away by force. Doing such a thing when the other was so happy and colored in excitement would really be giving him a slap on the face.

IS SHIZUN TRYING NOT TO BLUSH? I CAN’TNSIOGWRIJGOIWRJG I AM IMPLODING RIGHT NOW OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG BLUSH AND KISS HIM NOW he is so protective of lbh omg my heart i can’t breath-

EDIT 13:

Outside of the Mausoleum, the scene was bathed in light. Without prompting, Luo Binghe reached out a hand to support Shen Qingqiu.

As a matter of fact, it really had been a long time since they had had this sort of normal interaction.

i feel so lucky to be alive and be able to read this

EDIT 14:

Luo Binghe suddenly said, “But, other than hearing Shizun cry…” 　　 Shen Qingqiu smiled faintly. “En? Who was crying?” 　　 Luo Binghe immediately changed his tune. “Other than hearing someone cry, there was also this strange feeling.”

(OMG PLS DON’T TELL ME HE FELT- *giggles*)

He said quietly, “What sort of feeling?” 　　 Luo Binghe shook his head. “… I can’t say.” 　　 “Does it hurt?” 　　 “It doesn’t hurt, it’s very…”

He hadn’t finished speaking, his face showing a bewildered expression, looking down at himself. 　　 Shen Qingqiu: “…” 　　 Sky pillar hello, sky pillar goodbye!

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH MY LUNGS- MY CHEST- HELPPPP- so you’re telling my he felt shizun palming him but he didn’t feel him hug him all the time?!?!?!?! PRIORITIES, I GUESS

LOOK HOW CUTE AND EMBARESSED THEY ARE AAAAAAAH

EDIT 15:

Earlier, Luo Binghe was not quite pleased when he was not able to shatter them into pieces, but now that they had delivered themselves on a silver platter he was quite satisfied. His knuckles cracking, he fixed a glare on Zhuzhi-Lang, growling, “You dare feed my Shizun your blood.”

*swoons* LUO BINGHE. LET THEM SEE.

EDIT 16: WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING TO MY SHIZUN OMG CAN YOU FREAKING LEAVE HIM ALONE I AM SO TIRED OF THIS

DO YOU THINK HE IS A HOSPITAL, WITH ALL THESE DIFFERENT KIND OF BLOOD IN HIS BODY!??!?!?!?!??!?!??!

Who else but him would be drinking Heavenly Demon’s blood like Red Bull? Who else but him would have drunk three different Heavenly Demons’ blood?

i love him.

EDIT 17: OF COURSE IT’S A CLIFFHANGER AGAIN

*throws her pc on the floor*

iF tHeY kEeP hUrTiNg ShIzUn I AM GOING TO UNLEASH DEMON LBH LEVEL 9023859032485092384923 AND THEN IT’S YOUR FREAKING BUSINESS-

[camsthisky]

Ok ok I know that the post was angsty romance cliches but I’m having a WHOLE EMOTION RN so I would like to submit a prompt in which Dick is mind controlled/something to that effect and forced to fight Damian and Damian refuses to fight him and is seriously injured as a result, and then Dick comes to and ohmygosh the hurt/comfort potential here is incredible

ao3 | ff.net

They don’t really know how Nightwing was caught, only that he must havebeen put under some kind of mind control before they released him back intoGotham. Nightwing had headed straight for Red Hood, and Jason hates everythingat the moment, because right now he’s blow for blow with his brother, andneither of them are really holding back.

“Shit,” Jason grits out, barely dodging a flying kick aimed at histemple. He gives as good as he’s got, but Dick’s been at this for almost aslong as Bruce has, and when he’s going at Jason with murderous intent—Jason’skind of floundering here. “Where the fuck are you guys?At this rate I’m gonna end up killing him.”

Which isn’t his goal, but Jason’s also not sure how to deal with Dicklike this. There’s no way to get close enough by himself so he can restrainhim. All he can do is fight.

“Forty seconds out,” Tim’s voice says in his helmet. “Batmanhas been delayed, so it’s just the three of us until Orphan can get here.”

“Two, three, I don’tcare,” Jason snarls, catching Dick’s fist and twisting. “Better than justme.”

Forty seconds ticks by too slowly, and Jason takes a solid punch to hisshoulder just as Tim falls from the rooftops and surprises Dick with a hardenough kick to send him sliding backwards with a cough.

“You okay?” Tim asks Jason, even though he’s not facing him. He’s gothis bo staff out in front of him, ready to attack again, even though Dick’sstill picking himself up.

Damian touches down silently next to them, oddly quiet.

“Fine,” Jason grunts. “Shoulder’ll be sore tomorrow, though. He’snot holding back.”

“Do we know what happened yet?” Tim asks.

Jason shrugs. “Hell if I know. Came at me like a bat out of hellbarely a minute after B warned us all Nightwing’d been whammied.”

“So what do we do now?” Damian speaks for the first time sincearriving. 

He looks off kilter. Uncertain. Like the thirteen year old boy he is. Itmakes Jason’s stomach churn, because Damian is the biggestbrat, but Dick can always manage to do the impossible, like turn the loudest,proudest, angriest assassin into a boy worried about his brother.

Dick seems to do that to all of them. It pisses Jason off.

“Restrain him,” Jason says. “Or knock him out. Anything to stophim. He’s not gonna go down easy, but it should relieve the pressure to havemore—shit.”

Jason ducks just in time to duck under Dick’s swing. He pushes forwardand throws an elbow into his older brother’s stomach, but Dick’s alreadystepping back, away from the blow. Even mind-controlled, he’s an amazingfighter.

Tim steps in from behind, and Damian just a second after him, but Dickperforms some crazy maneuver using the wall, and he’s flipping over all threeof their heads. Jason’s on him the moment he lands.

It goes like that for a while. Jason, Tim, and Damian’s goal is to stopDick, but keep him alive. Dick’s coming at them with full strength, aiming tokill. It makes it just this side of harder to keep him down.Finally, Jason’s had enough. He whips out his gun, doesn’t give Tim time to domore than scream, “No!” before he shoots at Dick’s legs.

Dick, of course, avoids it.

“The hell are you doing?” Timhisses.

“If we don’t go at him with everything we’ve got, he’s going to winthis, baby bird,” Jason snaps. “If he wins, we’re all dead. I’m not justgonna stand here and let him kick my ass.”

“You’ll hurt him!” Damian yells.

“Better hurt than a mind-controlled zombie trying to kill us,” Jasonsays, and he shoots again.

Dick dodges, though, and invades Jason’s personal space. Too close touse the gun, so Jason goes for a pistol whip, but Dick’s ahead of him there,too. They wrestle over the gun for a moment, and while Jason’s bigger andstronger than Dick, the acrobat uses the wall to flip over and twist the gunfrom Jason’s hands.

Then it’s Jason getting pistol whipped. It hurts like abitch.

“Red Hood!” Jasonhears Tim yell, but it’s hard to hear him. It sounds more like Jason’sunderwater than in an alley in the middle of Gotham.

He loses a chunk of time. Maybe a minute, he thinks. But when he looksup, Tim and Damian aren’t fighting anymore. Jason’s still on his feet, but he’dended up staggering into a wall. Tim is frozen, staff still at the ready, butmoving no closer than the five feet away from Dick he still is.

It’s a second later that Jason realizes why.

Dick has the gun aimed at Damian’s head.

Shit.

But Dick hasn’t pulled the trigger yet. Something’s wrong. Or maybesomething’s a little bit right. Dick, who’d been perfectly fine while Jason hadbeen fighting him besides the whole mind-control thing, is staring at Damianwith a scrunched up expression. There’s sweat collecting at Dick’s temple,obviously not from the fight, and Dick’s just standing there.

“Hey there, Dickie,” Jason calls softly, and the hand holding the guntrembles once. Jason’s right. Dick’s shaking it off. “Hey, Dickiebird.Look at me a second.”

Dick doesn’t move, but his eyes flit to meet Jason’s. Just a splitsecond before they’re back on Damian. Damian’s frozen, too. He looks—scared.Jason doesn’t focus on him.

“Whatever’s wrong with you, we can help,” Jason continues. “I knowyou don’t want to do any of this.”

“I—” Dick cuts off with a choked breath. He doesn’t speak again, butthere’s some awareness coming back to his eyes. They don’t look as glassy. He’scoming around.

“All you have to do is let go of the gun,” Jason says. “It’sprobably gonna be hard, but you’re Dick fucking Grayson. The golden boyhimself. Besides, if you don’t let go of the gun, you’re probably going to hurtsomeone, and I don’t think you want that.”

Dick swallows, but the trembling in his hand grows stronger, and Jasonrealizes that Dick is trying to force his fingers to relax. He’s trying to dropthe gun. But then his grip tightens, and Jason stiffens. Damian swallows.

But, of course, Dick’s not done. Instead of dropping the gun, Dick yellsout—maybe in frustration, maybe in anger. Jason’s not going to pretend to know—and throws thegun. At Jason.

Jason barely catches it. He doesn’t move beyond that, too entranced inwatching Tim finally move forward, pulling Damian back at the same time. Timflips over Dick’s head, and escrima sticks clash against bo staff. Dick’smoment of clarity is over.

But. But. It’s enough. Dick’sstill fucking fighting in his own head.

“Orphan,” Jason growls. “How close are you?”

“Five more minutes,” Cass saysquietly. “No more. No less.”

Damn. Jason’s not sure they havefive minutes.

“Stay here,” Jason orders Damian, who still looks sort of shell-shocked,and he charges in as Tim’s getting thrown back, bruise blooming on his face andpotential concussion be damned. After a few seconds of grappling, he manages tograb both of Dick’s hands in his, and he slams his head forward. The helmet resoundsagainst Dick’s forehead, and just as Jason lets go of his hands, Dick’sstumbling back.

He’s blinking, though. The glazed look in his eyes fading a bit again.

“Wha—?” Dick says. He’s trembling again, this time with his whole body. “Where—?”

Jason doesn’t waste any time. Instead, he grabs Dick while he’s confusedand starts to disarm him. Tim’s by his side soon, and the escrima sticks arebeing thrust away from Dick’s hands, and the suit’s defense mechanisms arebeing disabled.

Dick doesn’t really fight them anymore. He’s panting, eyes unfocused ashe tries to fight whatever is messing his head up.

“Fuck,” Dick is murmuring, and Jason’s sure if Dick had his hands freefrom Jason’s grip, that he’d be cradling his head. He looks like hell. “Fuck, fuck.I’m gonna be sick. I’m—”

Dick cuts himself off, breathing stuttering to a stop. Then his eyesroll up into his head, and he straight up drops.

Jason barely catches him.

“Call Batman!” Jason yells, just as Dick goes rigid, his whole bodyarching out of Jason’s arms. Jason struggles to keep his brother’s body immobile,and it’s only then he realizes how beat up Dick really is. There are bruises onhis neck and face, tears in the light Kevlar, and Dick’s arm—the one that hadheld the gun—is being held at the wrong angle.

Meaning, Dick had put up a hell of a fight before whoever had caught himwhammied him. Plus, all the injuries Tim, Damian, and Jason had given him.

“He’s on his way,” Tim says.

Jason grunts in acknowledgement. “Help me hold him down. Both of you.”

Dick’s clearly fighting some internal battle, and it takes all three of themto keep him from injuring himself further. Tim has to stop Dick from clawing athis face and eyes, and Damian has to hold down Dick’s legs, while Jason justkeeps Dick in his lap and prays that Batman gets here sooner rather than later,because this is one of the scariest things Jason’s experienced in his life.

And he’s died before.

But while this doesn’t exactly take the cake, Jason’s just at a loss asto what to do. All they can do is to wait until Bruce gets here with a car, sothey can take Dick back to the Cave and get him treated. Some major JusticeLeague treatment, if it’s too much for Leslie and Alfred.

The scariest part is when Dick goes limp.

“He’s breathing,” Tim whispers, mask lenses wide and hand on Dick’schest. “He’s still alive.”

Orphan drops down just as the Batmobile screeches to a halt in front ofthem.

Jason has only wanted Bruce more once in his life.

“Status,” Bruce barks the moment he’s out of the car, and he takes Dickfrom Jason’s tight grip as Tim explains. Jason sits on the ground and just letsBruce take away his older brother. Lets him whisk Nightwing into the car, andit’s only when Cass nudges him lightly that Jason finally makes himself move.

It’s going to be a long night, and Jason’s already ready to drop.

“Coming?” Cass wonders.

Jason swallows, stares at the car, and says, “Yeah. I’m coming.”

Dick somehow turns out okay.

Jason and his siblings spend the night in the Watchtower while Batgirlwatches over Gotham. Jason knows that Bruce will be back in the city the momenthe hears about trouble, but for now, Dick is the priority. Specifically,getting whatever is in Dick’s head controlling him, out.

It’s not easy. It takes the efforts of several Leaguers, but theyeventually give Dick the all clear.

He doesn’t wake up, though. Apparently, he’s exhausted from trying tofight the mind control. He sleeps through Tim’s crying, through Jason and Bruce’sfight, through his arm getting splinted, through Wally and Roy’s brief visit,through the transport home.

Jason’s about up to his earsin frustration, but he diligently sits by Dick’s bedside with Damian as Brucetypes away on the computer about some case. The case he’d been working on whileDick had been fighting his brothers.

“When is he going to wake up?” Damian asks quietly, catching Jason’sattention.

“Dunno,” Jason says, staring at Dick’s sleeping face. “Could probably beanother couple hours, if J’onn and Bruce are right.”

“What if—” Damian falters, and starts again, softer, more nervous, “Whatif Richard does not wake up?”

The typing behind them stops. Jason doesn’t let himself think about it.

“Well, since the Justice League gave him the all clear, he’s probablyfine,” Jason says, stamping down his own rising fear. “Dick’s probably justbeing overdramatic again.”

“Fuck you,” Dick croaks, his eyes blinking open. They’re still a littlefoggy, but he looks more coherent than he has all night.

Damian and Jason both jump to their feet, and there’s footsteps frombeyond the infirmary, signaling that Bruce is coming over, too. Tim would behere, too, if he hadn’t fallen asleep at the table again. Alfred had put hisfoot down, and Tim had gone to bed.

“Welcome to land of the living, Dickie,” Jason greets with a lazy grin. “Also,why the hell are you cursing me out?”

“I am the perfect amount of dramatic,” Dick whines, because he’s literallyfive years old. “Also, I feel like I’ve been run over with the Batmobile abouttwelve times, so you are obligated as my little brother to be nice to me.”

“Fat chance,” Jason snorts.

Damian ignores Jason, but what else is new. “You’re alright, Richard?”the kid asks, and again, he looks too young.

Dick gives Damian a reassuring smile, along with a weak laugh. “I’mokay, Dami. Little scrambled, but a good night’s sleep should fix me right up.”

Jason refrains from telling Dick that he’d already gotten a night’s sleep. Maybe it wasn’t good, but it was still longerthan Jason thinks any of them have ever slept while not sick.

“Good to see you awake, chum,” comes Bruce’s warm voice from behindJason. Dick’s gaze meets Bruce’s as he steps up next to Jason, and Jason canliterally see the way Dick relaxes. “Alfred will be down with food soon.”

Dick’s eyelids flutter as he sighs. “Wake me up when he gets here. I’mgonna take a nap.”

Jason blows out a large breath. “Geez, Dick. You literally just woke up.”

But Dick’s already out, breathing even. He looks a lot more peaceful thanbefore, though, so Jason doesn’t push the issue. Instead, he just plops backdown into his abandoned chair. Bruce stays, too, sitting on the side oppositeof Damian and Jason.

“He will be okay?” Damian asks again.

Jason stares at Dick’s face and realizes that he can’t answer. He couldlie, but he doesn’t know the answer. Doesn’t know the effects this wholeincident will bring short and long term. Doesn’t know how Dick’s mental statewill end up. Whether he’ll be able to work through it on his own if it turnsout he’s super messed up over it.

But Bruce saves him.

“He’ll be okay,” Bruce reassures them. There’s no smile on his face, butthe way he’s looking at both of them is probably the closest thing to a lovingsmile that they’re going to get. “If he needs help, we’ll help him. But,eventually, he’ll be okay.”

“Yeah,” Jason says without really thinking. “What he said.”

Damian finally relents and sits back down in his chair. The three ofthem sit at Dick’s bedside for a long time, waiting for Dick to wake up again.

Because Bruce is right. Whether Dick’s okay at first or not, they’re allgoing to be here to help him if he needs it.

Surprisingly, even Jason.

[sketchyprincessartblog]

1-25 Tell me everything.

Okay, im gonna do the main 4 ocs I have rn because those are the ones I have the most fleshed out for! Also gonna put it under a readmore because ho my god that's gonna be a LOT of text lmao

Kai

1. (their voice) Kai's voice is high-pitched and raspy due to her constant yelling and screaming. There is also a level of charisma too it, but its hard to explain. Its like her voice is so weird that you can't help but listen.

2.(their smile) Her smile is big, wide, and mischievous! Pair that with her many rows of shark like teeth and it can be very off-putting; she tries not to smile but her personality makes it almost impossible. However, one you get to know her, you can tell the difference between a fake smile and a genuine one.

3.(their greatest achievement) Kai considers her greatest achievement to be her magical prowess; her skill with her water magic is advanced for her age. She definitely likes to show off, haha.

4.(their insecurities) While she may act tough and arrogant, its just a façade to mask her low self worth and depression. As the queen/future queen she is terrified of failure; how can she lead others when she can't even help herself? Like I mentioned before, shes also insecure of her looks, because they give away that shes possessed.

5. (their shortcomings) Her ability to control her impulses is practically non existant lmao, she'll just straight up jump off the roof of the castle if she feels like it (which is a lot). Also her ego gets her into quite a bit of trouble as well. And her anger is a problem too; if she cant control it it becomes like a hulk situation. This is part of the reason she drinks, it numbs her senses.

6.(how they deal with grief) haha, that's a good one. Kai doesn't deal with grief she just drinks or does more dangerous shit to take her mind off of it. Or she'll just scream and wreck stuff; either way it ends up being more harmful than helpful.

7.(how they like to dress) Kai would prefer to dress in clothes that are easy to move in like pants or shorts; things that fit tight and have little resistance. But because shes royalty, sterling makes sure she at least dresses the part (much to her annoyance; she doesn't seen the point in all the ornamentation and frills. She does find them pretty, just not on her.

8.(what they like to eat) Anything that she can rip apart like meat and stuff. She loves using those teeth lol

9.(their theme) I think this means what their character is based around, but if im wrong please correct me. Kai's theme is embracing femininity, learning to grieve, and learning to be an independent person.

10.(their fashion sense) Like mentioned earlier sterling picks out most of her clothes for her, so her fashion sense stems from his (and she hates it lmao)

11.(their family life) Her mother died when she was 10, and she has no other siblings. Her father is too busy running the kingdom to pay attention to his daughter. Sterling and her have the best relationship (they were inseparable those first 10 years) but after the queens death and kais subsequent possession, things have become very strained.

12.(their romantic life) HAHAHA. Yeah no shes demi ace and terrified of emotional intimacy and commitment. If she did flirt, she'd be pretty good at it, but she's kinda oblivious about that kinda thing. People often mistake her charm and charisma as romantic interest, but she's just very friendly.

13.(their embarrassing memory from years ago) The most embarrassing thing to happen to her so far, is that sterling is the one who saw her covered in blood and possessed. Its a fuzzy memory at best, but she remembers enough for it to be painful.

14.(how they react to burning their tongue on food) Lots of choking and cursing, occasionally followed by yelling at whoever made the food. And if shes feeling particularly stupid that day, she'll just down the rest of it, hoping it burns her mouth even more.

15.(how they react to a brainfreeze) She's never had anything that cold before, but if she did there would also be lots of cursing, followed by her immediately drinking/eating as fast as she can to make it happen again lol

16.(their dreams) She dreams of being able to go to the ocean; her mother promised she'd take her when she got older (they live very far away from any large body of water much less an ocean) She also dreams of being free from the restrictions of being royalty and just being able to do whatever she wants.

17.(their ambitions) Her main ambition is to find a way to put her heart back into her chest (it was literally cut out of her and put into a box) and get rid of the ghost possessing her.

18.(how they sleep) She sleeps most of the day and stays up during the night. Its not restful sleep by any means, but its all she can get. She has constant nightmares and also its hard to sleep when theres an other worldly entity watching you 8)

19.(their reaction to betrayal) She avoids relationships for this very reason (but it still happens), she just shuts down completely; no talking, no crying, nothing but heavy silence.

20.(their reaction to a mystery love letter) She'd act all "of course! one of my many admirers'!" then when she's alone, she furiously tries to figure out who and why lol.

21.(how they react to pain) Because of complications from the possession she is hyper sensitive to pain (the ghost possessing her did this to try and prevent her from doing anything dangerous to increase her magic power, but jokes on her it backfired) So while it may seem likes she's being overdramatic, that would be the one time she's actually not over exaggerating.

22.(what they're like on two hours of sleep) Wired as shit. Anything can set her off, and she talk super fast too, like she's had 12 cups of coffee or something.

23.(how they act when they're sick) She can't actually get sick, again the ghost prevents it. She needs a healthy, preferably young host to completely thrive, so she makes sure that the host gets sick as little as possible and that they stay young as long as possible. It's why kai is so small, her growth is stunted.

24.(what motivates them) Her want to take back control over her life and fix the damage she has caused to others through her reckless and selfish behavior (on a smaller scale) her flaw of being a people pleaser.

25.(why do you enjoy them) I enjoy her because she reminds me a lot of myself, both currently and how I used to be. Shes the first oc I ever created and gave backstory and a personality to; shes my shark baby ;v;

Sterling

1. His voice is smooth and rich like chocolate (he is my hot character okay let me have this). He has a medium pitch voice that is gentle and kind, while still remaining authoritative and firm. He loves to sing and has an amazing voice (honestly wish I had an example but I haven't found one yet)

2. He has a smile that radiates pure gentleness and sunshine and he smiles often! He doesn't believe that all knights have to be boring and stuffy, and he likes to use his kindness to challenge that.

3. This is gonna be so sappy but his greatest achievement in his own words is "watching kai become her own person".

4. He worries constantly that he has failed at his job as a knight to the royal family. He blames himself for the queens death and kais downward spiral. He also has scars that he is self conscious of ( kais the only one whos seen them, and even that was an accident)

5. Sterling can be a bit too controlling when it comes to kai, it comes from a place of love, but its also his way of dealing with this resentment towards kai. He is also an enabler and allows reckless and unhealthy behavior to continue because its easier to not confront it. And his fear of blood is debilitating as well.

6. He'll usually allow himself to cry, but only in private. He usually bottles up his emotions so he doesn't burden others or takes his aggression out by sparring.

7. Sterling has a uniform to wear like the other knights, but even when not on duty his clothes very much give away that hes a knight. He dresses solely for function; if he can work and get around in them hes perfectly fine.

8. Sterling loves bread, like im pretty sure he'd marry it if he could. However because of his knight status and pride in his own appearance, he has to resist and make himself eat a healthy diet lol.

9. Sterling's theme is family, or rather, even if you aren't blood related you can still be family. And that sometimes things are out of your control and that's okay.

10. He has pretty good fashion sense, he can figure what looks good on someone just by looking at them. He always looks impeccably dressed himself but prefers a minimalist style.

11. Sterling has a huge family! He has several siblings (some he's related to, some not) but I haven't decided how many yet. And he has two loving parents that are very supportive of his career choice (his mother still worries though).

12. Sterling has no time for romance, plus hes not interested (that doesn't stop people from flirting however); hes aroace :)

13. Probably when he was first actually assigned to take care of kai as a baby. He hade no idea what do and had to ask several of the other knights and servants to help him (some of them won't let him live it down either)

14. Just look at the "this is fine" meme and you'll have your answer

15. Same as above lol

16. He dreams of traveling and helping people all over the world, and also seeing kai grow and develop into her own person.

17. He wants to be the best knight ever (but he'd never actually say that shhhh) at least that's all I have for him haha

18. His sleep schedules kinda screwed because if theres a problem with kai, he has to handle it, no one else will. Plus he's naturally a early riser, so the amount of sleep he can get varies. He's a light sleeper as well.

19. (why would you betray him how could you) But betraying him will land you on his shit list and he will be as petty as possible; passive aggressive might as well be his middle name.

20. He's just kinda like "aw that's sweet" and never think about it again. He might share them with kai if theyre interesting enough. Honestly you'd be better of just telling him to his face how you feel, so he won't ignore you that way.

21. He has a pretty high pain tolerance; being a knight you have to be able to take damage and get right back up again, and he's gotten pretty good at that.

22. Same as usual honestly, maybe a little more drowsy but that's it.

23. He'll probably hide that he's sick lmao, he doesn't like being taken care of. He could be hacking up a lung and still refuse medicine like "don't worry about me im fine haha :D"

24. He wants to make a difference in the world, create a legacy to leave behind.

25. I enjoy him because I've always loved straight laced by the books characters, they're such dorks and I love it haha. Plus hes my pretty boy UwU

Elysia

1. Her voice is low and quiet; it commands the listeners attention. She developed this trait because she usually talks to animals who are more perceptive of tonal inflections than people are. She can sing as well, but it's more of a warble than actually singing, but it still sounds beautiful.

2. Elsyia rarely ever smiles, unless she's talking to animals (even then it can vary depending on which animals show teeth as a sign of aggression) but when she does its a nice small slight smile.

3. Her greatest achievement is the fact that she's still alive; everyday it takes all her strength to get up and keep moving.

4. Like with Kai a lot of her insecurities stem from the way she looks; people aren't exactly willing to be nice to demons. She also worries she's going to seriously hurt someone with her lightning magic.

5. Her paranoia and anxiety are her main problems (while they are not necessarily something she can always control, they do affect her perception and decisions).

6. She'll most likely isolate herself or just flat out leave for several days. She comes back but you can see something is still wrong when you look at her eyes (jesus Christ none of my characters know how to grieve)

7. Anything that's flowy and lets her breath is her favorite. Due to her blood being super heated plasma her body temp is waaaay higher than normal, so her lack of clothing is an effort to not over heat.

8. Elysia is a vegetarian! She doesn't want to hurt animals :( Also the effort to find plants to eat is less when you're constantly roaming than finding and capturing an animal to eat.

9. Elyisa's theme is self-acceptance and learning to put trust in others.

10. I imagine her as being pretty fashion forward but due to her body temp and money issues she just kinda wears whatever.

11. She's an only child, her father left her an her mother when she was young so she became the sole provider for the two of them. Unfortunately her and her mother are now separated.

12. Nope no nah no way. Like sterling she has no time and its not something she ever considered (until she meets kai of course >u>) But she's ace as well!

13. When she tried to catch a cow and ended up almost destroying the entire marketplace she lived at.

14. She can't feel it probably, so she'll just keep eating like normal.

15. She gets these a lot because of her need to consume cold things to stay comfortable, so she'll just wait till it goes away then resume eating at a slower pace.

16. Her dreams are to be financially stable (like that's it, she is a broke college student someone help her).

17. Basically the same as above (at least as of now)

18. She has insomnia so she sleeps two hours at a time if that, usually in trees or caves around a campfire. Very light sleeper with frequent night terrors.

19. She expects it at this point, it would still hurt, but she'd act like it was no big deal.

20. She'd wonder who was playing such a mean trick on her :(

21. She's kinda numb at least on her right side??? Cuz that's where she was struck by lightning so she has nerve damage on that side. So she has a normal pain tolerance with the exception of her right side.

22. Normal; irritable, grouchy, and curt.

23. She's a big baby when she's sick lol, but she doesn't want people to take care so she'll just suffer alone

24. Money at this point, she's trying to fill a void, but she's not having any luck, I think it's part of the reason why her motivations and ambitions seem so vague or unfulfilling; she doesn't know what she wants.

25. I love her design the most out of all of them, plus I love writing grumpy characters who have a secret heart of gold

Andie/Andrea

1. Andie's voice is calm and monotone almost as if they have to force a certain tone to their voice. Andie sounds like how a doctor does; brief curt sentences and frank attitude. Yet they sound like silk drifting in the breeze, it confuses anyone who tries to talk to them. When they become more "vocal" a raspyness makes itself known and suddenly all feelings of safety and security are gone and their voice becomes dark and cold.

2. Like with Andie's voice, their smile also seems artificial at further inspection; its almost too perfect, too inviting. It's a trap that most don't realize they are walking into.

3. Andie's greatest achievement is their biomechanical body parts; they pride themselves on being the peak of human and medical technology.

4. Andie worries that there's always someone better, someone smarter, faster, stronger; and that they exist is unacceptable. Andie fears death like most others do not, having escaped it once makes them never want to go through it again. However; their confidence in themselves to make sure that never happens is hanging on by a thread (much like every other aspect of them)

5. They are emotionally and physically abusive on top of being a manipulator with homicidal tendencies and a fragile psyche. Like I said, they're hanging on by a thread.

6. Andie does not deal with grief, at least not anymore. Now it's someone else's problem.

7. They dress to cover any "inhuman" aspects of themselves such as the metal limbs and spine andie has made for themselves.

8. Andie doesn't really eat, they considered it a waste of time. But they do remember the taste of the stew their mother always made...

9. Andie's theme is more of a warning than anything; do not let your experiences and fears consume you or you will be lost to them forever.

10. Andie doesn't care, if it's not related to their work it's not important enough.

11. Andie had a mother and father, but they burned to death in a fire. Now the only "family" (and I use this term loosely) andie has is her two assistants.

12. Andie has no concept of romance, but will use it if it is advantageous to them. Again another frivolous human concept as far as they're concerned.

13. They've erased most of their childhood memories from years of experimenting with their own brain; the more it made andie feel, the quicker it was removed.

14. They can't taste really since their tongue is artificial like most of the rest of them. Andie would get more upset at the fact that the food might be hot enough to damage the material they are made out of.

15. They'd be confused and angry at how useless such a reaction is; they'd probably try to rewire it later.

16. To never die and be an immortal. It's what they have devoted their life too.

17. Same as above, although andie does want to bring back their dead parents.

18. Lmao andie is half cyborg they do not sleep, but like with everything else other people do, they fake it to appear human.

19. Hoo boy that is something you do not under any circumstances want to do. Andie takes is as a very personal offense and will have no qualms about severely hurting someone for it.

20. "what is this? a love letter for me? Aww, how disgusting~"

21. Inhumanly high pain tolerance after years of body modifications; you could take out their eye and they'd be more upset about how much it took to make the eye than actually losing a fucking eye.

22. Normal; still off their rocker.

23. Don't get sick, but occasionally parts will malfunction or fail in which there is a lot of groaning and "fucking serious? again?"

24. Their fear of death and the unknown and bringing back their parents.

25. I don't enjoy andie per say, but they're therapeutic to write in a way? I dunno it's just nice having all these horrible traits in one character and it just gives me a way to vent about the shit ive had to go through. They are not meant to be enjoyed, andie was created to be a projection of the way ive been treated. I also want to say I don't condone any of andie's behavior nor do I intend to romanticize it. (And also I use they for andie not because they are agender or to demonize agender people, but as a reflection of andie's view of themselves. They see themselves as greater than male or female, so their pronouns reflect that. However, if anyone has a batter alternative please let me know :) )

Oh my god this literally took hours but it was so worth it! Thank you again for these asks it was very sweet of you (thank you for letting me be the attention gremlin that I am lol)

[letsdiscoverkitty]

HiKitty, read your answer to an instagram Q the other day-I'm finding it so damn triggering rn. So many girls I follow are having relapses or claiming to be recovered yet only eating small child-sized portions and baby snacks and are so much thinner than me.I am now getting scared to eat due to this. I am healthy weight currently but now feel like a failure and anxious about eating again, especially certain foods and feel the urge to lose drastically again&can't ask for help as I'm 'healthy'.:(

Right, firstly anon, YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE and just because you might be a ‘healthy weight’ it does not mean that you are not allowed to ask for help/support. Your worth is NOT defined by a number on a scale; you deserve support/treatment regardless of what a stupid, inanimate object says - it can tell you nothing more than ‘the relationship between your body and the Earth’s surface due to gravity at one particular moment’. It cannot tell you anything about the person you are, the dreams that you have, your abilities/skills/interests, your worth, your generosity, your capabilities, and so much more. It can literally tell you nothing but a number. These are MENTAL ILLNESSES; and no matter what your weight you deserve help.

Secondly: LOG OUT. UNFOLLOW. GET RID OF THOSE TRIGGERS. No excuses. Continuing to follow those accounts and reading the captions is literally FEEDING your ED and making it stronger/louder. It is toying with you. It has become a game to ED and it has you in the palm of its hands whilst you stay scrolling. What good is it doing you? Triggers are hard to deal with but they can be dealt with; we can eliminate (some of) them and we can remove ourselves from the situations where they arise; life is not trigger free but with time we can learn to deal with them in ‘healthier’ ways. Thirdly: You do NOT need to compare yourself to anyone else; seriously though, what does it achieve? what purpose does it have? Comparing your journey to someone else’s is, at the end of the day, pointless. We are all individuals, we are on different journeys, in different places and even though our paths may ‘cross’ at times, we are all DIFFERENT - seriously, no two mental illnesses are the same.  What would you say to anyone else if they came to you asking this? would you tell them that they should continue to compare their suffering/worth to someone else’s? 

Okay, so I challenge you to do two things: Number one: I want you to log out of your IG account; no excuses, no dragging it out. It is not helping you right now; it is feeding into your ED, but you have the power to press the log out button and sever that tie. This is about challenging those thought patterns, and ultimately seeing what happens (good old behavioural experiments)Number two: Right, I now want you to go and find a notepad/piece of paper and I want you to ask yourself these next few questions. I want you to sit and write down whatever it is that comes to your head; see where your mind takes you. This is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’; there is no ‘pass’ or ‘fail’; no one is judging or marking you on this, this is for YOU. Write it all out, whatever it is that comes into your head, write it and see where it takes you. You don’t need to show anyone these things; you can burn them/throw them in the bin, rip them up or keep them if you want to, however the act of challenging those negative thoughts and writing them down can really help...1. Where would relapsing get me? 2. In 5 years time, where do I want to be? what do I want to be doing with my life? Is listening to ED now going to help me get there? 3. What is comparing myself to others on IG achieving? How does it make me feel?

Now we need to do a little reflecting; we need to see the bigger picture, not just the little sparkly things that anorexia is trying to lure you with...I want you to task yourself these and answer them honestly: Was it ever ‘enough’ for ED?  Was it ever satisfied? What did listening to ED bring me? Happiness? Health? Control? (was it real control of a false sense of it?)What would going back there achieve? What would undoing all the hard work I have put in achieve? Is that what I really want? To be consumed by ED; my life made even smaller? Because the truth is that ED ALWAYS LIES. It always leaves out the details; what will restricting and relapse actually get you? One thing that I can promise is that it will not bring you all those things that ED is promising right now. It will never be enough. It will always demand more. It will make you feel worse. I know you know all of this but sometimes we need reminding of the reality. Among an endless list it will cause you to: withdraw further from life, cut off friendships, hide and lie to family members, leave you with no energy, unable to concentrate/study, no longer enjoy anything, feel cold no matter how many layers you wear, be constantly tired, and what started out as a few things being cut out here and there will lead to volume upon volume of rules being written. IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH. I know it might feel like it is ‘the only option’ but I promise you that it is not. You do not have to go down this path, you do not have to lose even more of your life to ED.

Please please reach out for some support/help. Are you currently seeing anyone for your MH? If not then please make an appointment to see your GP to get referred. If you are, then I urge you to be HONEST with them about how you are finding things. You do not deserve to suffer and you do not need to go through this alone. Right now you need to focus on YOURSELF (and no that is not selfish, so far from it!) your health, whether it be mental or physical COMES FIRST. One of the most important things is to reach out, let them in; talk to someone, whether it be a friend/parent/carer/partner/family member/teacher/employer, whoever it is you might feel able to talk to right now, PLEASE TALK TO THEM. They want to help and support you through this but unless you tell them how you are feeling, they can’t know/help you. I know it feels like things may never get better right now and I know it might feel like you are stuck in a whirlpool but I promise that things CAN get better. You do not need to suffer in silence and lose anymore of your life to this illness. 

I am sorry that my reply may not the most helpful, but I hope that it can help to open your mind a little/help you connect with yourself and begin to see the lies that ED is trying to feed you for what they really are. I wish I could take this away from you, I wish I had an ‘answer’...The truth is that it will never be ‘enough’ for ED, it will never be ‘satisfied’, it will never want to let you go or get better. Please know that you are not alone in your struggles, and I promise that even though it might feel like reaching out to someone is the ‘wrong’ thing to do, I promise that you will not regret it. It is for the best. Take care of yourself, I am proud of you for reaching out to me today, I am thinking of you x

[survivor-kalymnos]

Ep. 10 - “I need ice cream. I need a quesadilla. I need a hug.” - Lenny

Frank

I swear I have a heart. I end up getting caught in so many fights in orgs nowadays and honestly it’s not something I enjoy but I’m also not just going to sit back while I’m being attacked. What hurts the most is reading about not holding a conversation. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard it in orgs and not even the first time I’ve heard it in life and it hurts and sucks. I’m like on the verge of tears because of shit like that, I’m a person I have feelings and I try to be good at speaking to people but I fall short so many times. It’s one of my biggest fears, losing people because of my social ineptness (don’t think that’s a word but here we are). What I can do is move on and move forward with the people who seem to enjoy talking to me and have actually not just left me on read and put effort into getting to know a person and how they communicate. And them worm is just sitting here doing absolutely nothing but nobody is calling them out on it so fuck me i guess. I’m gonna be sad about it for a little bit but it’s not like I feel like it was a personal attack since truly it wasn’t. 

lenny

eliza went home. SO MUCH DRAMA! I am just watching rn. new alliance chat formed called "invisibles". makes me feel very superhero like. 

lenny

People are yelling. People are fighting. People are calling each other snakes and rats. I just want to munch. I need ice cream. I need a quesadilla. I need a hug. 

Frank

Me to Franco: that's why i just said ok, at least i read messages, wanted to let you know you've been heard....not listened to, but heard Michele Learned to see the game from an outside. No longer taking everything personally. Excited to leap back into this, but might try to hide around for a few rounds and let them take out bigger threats.

Frank

So it’s like 2am and I have some thoughts. It’s been a roller coaster tonight in this game and I’m actually really proud of how I handled things. I’m in an actual alliance now which is calming and amazing since it’s a majority and I feel I can trust some of these people. That tribal definitely drew some lines in the sand but I’m pretty happy about it. Like I said in my last confessionals, I don’t always like to fight, but it happened. I think I defended myself well. Nothing really got solved but I saw how Rain feels about me. I didn’t even know they had a problem with me because they just never responded to my messages. Why they decided to join the fight is anyone’s guess since it didn’t involve them nor did it need to. I didn’t have a problem with Rain, but I guess I do now. I guess moving forward I need to become a better speaker in one on one conversations but that’s a bigger issue. Who knew dusty would be my closest ally now but here we are. Dusty and Sasha, but like I doubt I can take dusty to f3 but who knows what will happen in the future, f3 is so far away.

Michele

I’m mostly certain that my brother is Frank and wow I could have taken him out for bragging rights but tbh starting to trust him so he might need to stay. Really starting to watch out for Dusty tho👀

Franco

Day 1 of missing Eliza. I'm SO PISSED. I knew eliza giving her idol would bite us in the ass, I wish I could have done something to stop it. If I had known eliza was the target i would have played my idol on her in a HEARTBEAT. Im kicking myself because theres so much we could've done. We shouldn't have tried to split last minute. If I kept my vote on Frank, he would have left. Michele is a rat. Dusty is a snake. Frank is basically a nonentity in this game but somehow also is the biggest annoyance in the game. I want them all gone. I need to reevaluate my game. Hopefully they move onto other targets now that my number 1 is gone, but I dont trust that enough. Dusty is now in control of 2 idols, and I wasted my own. I don't know how to come back from this, but there is a fire under my ass and renewed rage, and I am going to do EVERYTHING i can to win this fucking game

Michele

After talking to other people I don’t think I’m going to win immunity. It’s probably better for my game anyway given the fact that I won the last 2 public comps. I hope I can fly under the radar at tribal and send franco packing but the tables have turned and once again there might be bigger fish to fry. Unfortunately that fish might be me...

Franco

Day 2 of missing Eliza God this is actually.... So depressing.  5 out of the 7 people left in this game left me on read yesterday when I was trying to talk game to them.  Multiple people flat out told me I was on the bottom and Im probably going next.   Yesterday I said I had a fire under my ass and I was ready to take back this game but today that is... Gone. Like I feel so defeated. I feel like I'm putting in so much effort to talk to everyone and figure out what to do but I'm just hitting brick walls. This challenge is easy and I can easily win with effort, but that is effort I dont have the capacity to put in right now. And even though I have hundreds of pictures, I have a feeling someone is just going to come in and blow that out of the water. I don't see a path to the end. Im going to put in as much work as I can for the rest of this round, hoping I find one. But right now theres nothing. I really hope that changes. 

lenny

I am so exhausted from this challenge. I worked really hard at it and my mom got upset with me for dojng it because I should be doing work for class lol. I'd really like to win this challenge. For me, winning is more than immunity. It shows that I am a strong competitor and deserve to be here. I know I am not the loudest person in the tribe or the sneakiest, but, I am still here and that means something right?

Sasha

uhhhh I'm going to make this as comprehensive as possible  but also my brain is fried so I'm gonna see how it goes last round: bunch of us voted out eliza, which really only worked because she and franco were had turned on some people to blindside cranjes before. also the 5 of us who did that have a chat now, called "the invisibles" (it's dusty, lenny, michele, frank, and I) we're planning on going for franco this round, assuming he doesn't in this challenge (I don't think he will) speaking of franco, he approached me yesterday to have a convo about the game so far. he basically explained his involvement in a bunch of stuff to me and was saying that even though people perceived him to be running the game, he felt as though he'd been floundering these past few rounds. he also said that he respected my game and I was like "lol what game" then he asked how likely it was that he'd go this round and I said fairly. he also asked if I'd consider not voting for him. I said maybe. I probably will; I'm actually in an alliance and I'd like to stick with it asdfgknj also this challenge? I have a good feeling about. I've taken so many pictures that my brain hurts. also I knew I'd have a good edge since I own about 300 books so that's a good chunk of pictures right there.

Rain

I’m defeated. I’m angry. Literally nobody but franco and Lenny is putting in the effort to speak to me. It’s fucking painful. I’d rather go home this round than see Franco leave. Franco deserves to be here. You know who doesn’t? Frank. Frank continues to be on borrowed time hiding underneath allies that play better than him. My cat has a better social game than frank and she hisses at anyone who comes close to her. I’m pissed. We could have the numbers to stay but Lenny won’t keep franco. What the fuck. Take me to jury. I’m done with these “only speak to my allies” shit players. 

Franco

I don't know what to do. 

Michele

When I first started this game I did it for the sole purpose of beating my brother. My mindset has changed as I’ve gotten so far. I *really* want to win now!! It’s going to be really rough but I think I can do it?

Sashah

i im still bitter 3 hours later that I went ham on this challenge, fried my brain, and got second

Franco

Day 3 of missing Eliza I AM ABSOLUTELY SHITTING MYSELF. GOD MY DEVELOPMENT ARC FOR THIS ROUND IS SO CRAZY. I know I'm probably the target tonight, yesterday I was so sad all day and literally just felt like giving up. But TODAY. I found???? Idol????? AGAIN???? That fire has been RE LIT SIS. My ass ain't going anywhere tonight

Michele

Getting the invisibles to come to a decision is almost as frustrating as when I tried with og nera. Lack of communication is why I am almost a free agent. Trying to BB17 Steve my way to the top.

Frank

I’m hoping it’s an easy round and we just get rid of Franco. This alliance was made after the vote last time so it would be really dumb and sad if we can’t even vote together once.

Michele

I think of all tribals in the game so far tonights will be the most impactful to my game personally. As far as I know it seems like my vote is the deciding factor. I’m down between rain and frank, but I don’t personally want frank gone. I’m weighing the pros and cons going forward and its so even.

MicheleJ

ust a rat looking for her Linguini

Dusty

Alright!!!!! Now this vote would appear simple, take out Franco, who's all alone and blown up his game. Worm and Rain were working with him before but they’ve both expressed to me that they would vote of Franco if it were to help further there game. And of course this is a smart decision but my my brain gets on caffeine I just get to thinking!! If I were to give my idol to Franco, then he uses the idol and gets to decide who goes home. Now ultimately this is a mess because he could decide to vote of someone that I don’t want to go home. So as much as it sounds fun and dramatic I don’t really think that’s a smart move. Now back to Rain and Worm...they’ve both presented me with an opportunity. At this point in he game I think whoever goes into final 7 tribal with the power will really have influence over the rest of the game. If I stick with this alliance of 5 (Sasha, Frank, Lenny, Michele, and myself) then we go into 7 with majority, but it also creates a situation where Sasha and Frank are a duo and then Lenny, Michele, and I are more than individuals but less than a trio and at this point in the game that’s not a solid ground to stand on. Talking to Worm they saw Michele and I were a tight duo, and while talking to Rain they saw Lenny and I as a tight duo. Now this was NEWS to me because I always thought Michele was close to Worm, and same with Lenny and Rain. This gives me the opportunity next round to decide who i want to work with and hopefully stick with that group until the end. Obviously things could happen very differently, I’m unsure if I will go to Michele or Lenny to propose sticking together until the end, but who knows what could happen in this game. 

Worm

This game is with out a doubt the wildest ride I have ever been on in an org. I have changed my path to the end so many times, and I feel like a majority of that is because of how chaotic some of the other people are playing. So with everything going on I just need to keep my head down and make sure  that no matter how many people I betray, I need to make sure I still have that bridge built to work with them. I'm putting a lot of faith this round in Michele because its all up to her to vote for Frank. I don't why Im trusting Franco to take the reins with this vote, especially after HE TOLD MICHELLE ABOUT HIS IDOL. Like I'm flabbergasted. What is this cast problem with not telling every living soul about them having an idol. i'm just hoping everything work out because if it doesn't, then I'm not too sure of my chances of staying are. I wounder if people would go after larger targets or someone else. There is too many questions right now that I can't answer. So until then I will focus on what I can try and control. So the plan for the rest of this game will hopefully go as follows: this round we flush dusty's idol and get rid of frank. After that i would like to either get rid of Rain. I think out of everyone left they are the most likely to win. They are well-spoken, smart, and has a great relationship with everyone. I think if they make it to the end then they would have the best chances of winning. I think my best bet would be to work with Michele, Dusty, and maybe Lenny. That third person is kind of a mystery to me but if I can get Michele and Dusty on board then I think we can pull in a third. Maybe if Franco doesn't find another idol and he thinks that his back is against the wall then maybe he would flip. Only time would tell. After that at final 6 I would like to target Sasha. She seems like a wild card and I'm not sure where her head sits in this game. I also know that her and Franco are getting closer so that could leave Franco with no allies. I think after that, Dusty would be the best person to target. I think he also as a very high chance of winning and having someone so close with such a good chance of winning is a big threat. At final 4 I would want either Michele or Lenny out. Preferably Lenny because I think she has better social bonds and with Michele becoming more and more quiet it seems that will be my choice. I think Franco is one person I want in the end because even though he is making "big moves", many of  them seem erratic and without logic to me. I don't think he has the foresight to see what consequences have occurred from his decisions. I know this isn't how the game is gonna go but I sure hope it does lol

Franco

OKAY so i spent a LOT of today mulling over options and plans and votes and allies. This might be the last chance i have to make a HUGE move with an idol so I have to make it work. Not gonna lie, I got messy. I slipped and told Michele, Rain, and Worm about my idol. But i don't think it blew up in my face, surprisingly. I'm lying to almost everyone. There are four different plans going on but only one is true. The plan is to get Dusty to use an idol AND ensure someone I don't trust goes home. I know Dusty, Lenny, and Frank are voting me, but my idol will ensure it does not matter. Rain, Worm and I are voting Dusty. He needs to have the most votes so he's forced to use the super idol and we don't have to worry about it anymore. I really trust Sasha. Like Rain and Sasha are my biggest allies right now, but unfortunately I had to lie to Sasha to ensure there weren't any leaks. I told her that the vote was going to Michele. So that's who she should be voting for. Michele knows about the plan to use my idol and flush Dustys, so she is going to vote Frank. SO if all goes according to plan, it will be a tie between Michele and Frank and it will go to a revote. Michele is an absolute rat and a snake and I can't trust her anymore. I want her GONE. After the first vote im going to campaign my ass off in those couple minutes to get her to go. SO YEAH. Me and all of my allies should be safe. FrancoAlso. Can i just say how SHOOK I am at this game? This round has been a rollercoaster, and this vote is so intense. There are so many intricacies and internal connections and ideas going on that is all cohesive in the grand scheme of whats actually going on. This is why I love Survivor and I love this game. Truly i think this is the most I've ever played from a strategic standpoint. 

Sasha

in a twist of events, I'm voting with franco rather than for him why? well, bold of you to assume /I/ understand my own actions serious answer: because I realized that I talk the most to him and I'm closer to him than anyone else as a result. not even just game talk. just vibing and chatting about stuff, like shouting about the witcher for instance also I'm just vibing and not caring about Game(tm) so what do I have to lose by turning on the invisibles anyway rain was telling me that they were thinking of voting for franco and I was like "ok but first consider this new information: I'm not voting for him" and so they said that they won't vote for him franco decided to target michele instead, because she keeps flipping around to whatever benefits her, which makes sense. I guess I'm just chilling until the vote since, in theory, the invisibles decided to vote franco (I didn't try to convince them to vote for someone else just in case, because it would look highkey sus if I started to try to get the vote off franco after trying to vote for him three goddamn times)

Frank

It’s very quite and that makes me concerned for some reason bc I just don’t do well with quiet anymore I guess. I know survivor is on and I’m watching it too but like it’s been quiet for most of the day. I just hope that’s because it’s an easy round, but obviously I’m never going to feel comfortable.

Sasha

This is the second time I'm voting with someone who's engaging in a last ditch effort to save themselves. Hopefully it goes better this time

Sasha

WAIT FRANCO JUST USED AN IDOL SDFGHJK

Sasha

this tribal, man franco and I assume worm and rain, voted dusty to flush his super idol so then it was a tie between michele and frank I got 3 dms, one from michele just saying "please!!!" which is the only thing that kept me from confirming my vote for her immediately one from franco elaborating on the plan to flush the idol and one from dusty asking if I wanted to keep frank. I said yes and he confirmed. That was a surprise

Sasha

FUCK IT'S ROCKS BETWEEN ME, WORM, AND RAIN

Sasha

well shit

[survivedeathvalley]

EPISODE 1 - “TIME FOR SOME BRO AND TELL” - GIRUGA MESH

I am so excited to be competing! Everyone seems like such nice people and I can't wait to play in the challenges and do my very best!

Mattie is such a Basic Bitch(TM) and it's killing me. Like I'm not that great of an actress, I am a superb liar but I am a shitty actress. Why? because humor is the only thing that keeps me from going insane and I made Mattie such a basic bitch that she can't use any of my "quirks" or fun thoughts and theories. And now Mattie just mentioned death by dehydration, motherfucker! I am so going to be first boot it's not even funny. UwU

I just wanna talk about my feelings about being on the neutral tribe... I do consider myself on the Chaotic Neutral/Chaotic Good side of things. The chaos comes from my crazy emotions. I'm a Pisces so I'm sensitive and emotional. Also I'm actually kinda happy about being on a tribe of 6 people. I NATURALLY gravitate towards Bianca. I know who Paul is cause he slipped up in the tribe chat. So I feel good :)

OK SO i said i was retired but i adore logan and i wanna see what i can do without my baggage of the past that fukt me in ts all stars so phew. the people on my team seem chill, idk why but for some reason i get the feeling that theyre younger than me which doesnt make sense since im only 20 but anyway. I know that i type very specially and use phrases a lot so its gonna be hard to stop doing that bc if any of these people know me at all its gonna be a dead giveaway! 

So I've spent all day at Disney World today and I finally get back to the hotel and come online to speak to my tribe.  No one has talked to me one on one yet so... yeah,  no idea.  I said in the main chat I just got off work and I checked online to see Chick-fil-a's hours to make sure my story checked out too. :* We'll see what happens, on to figuring out this challenge!

First off: When I read this... Confess your sins, your dirty-dirty bad bads, your evil twisted thoughts here. It made me think of the dialogue in a bad porno. http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lthhgjZ1xY1qg39ewo1_500.gif Second off: I do quite enjoy the concept of this alias season. I like the idea of going into the game as a fresh face with a fresh personality and playing along with other people that I don't have any idea of. It kind of rekindles the fun that I have when I get to play in seasons with newbies. http://mashable.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/excited-baby.gif Then, of course, I remember that these are not newbies so some of that fire loses a little oxygen. https://media.giphy.com/media/BmMU3LOfNMMeI/giphy.gif But, I'll try to convince myself that we're all playing for the first time. 

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So far I've noticed a few things about my tribemates. I don't think anything can be applied specifically to the individual given that I haven't really reached a stage to call people out... but, some of them are hung up on the fact that this a catfish season. When messaging them they tell me that it's awkward and when I tell them that the dog in my profile picture is my dog Donut they ask if it is "for real". I'm trying to play up this characters of Jenny for them because I thought that was the goal and I need these people to get on board. https://media.giphy.com/media/KGHtHISczyhHO/giphy.gif

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Wow, that last bit probably makes me come off as quite the rude person. Yikes! I need to get over myself a little. I get that easing ones self into a new situation can be challenging... sooo I'll give them a shot while continuing to respond to any and all questions and comments as Jenny would. http://replygif.net/i/440.gif

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So far I think my favorite people are Tanner, Kai, and Adelaide. I'd like to think I'd enjoy Wash as well but they went to bed shortly after starting communication with me. I don't think (so far as I know and god I hope not) that anyone has come up with a plan to ally yet so I'm just going to continue chatting to get my feelers in those waters. http://media1.giphy.com/media/BqHng2hpjOUdW/giphy.gif

Hopefully Jenny will appear charming enough to begin allying with these people. She needs some throats to slit later down the road and can only start to burn the bridges once she's built them - unfortunately!

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Alright, so I wanted to show my excitement at this game because I've played a real-life version called Tsuro with my friends where you are dragons and I'm hugely board game obsessed... but that's nowhere in Jenny's character and I don't feel like making any content about her up unless I absolutely have to! https://uberflip.cdntwrk.com/files/aHViPTIxOCZjbWQ9aXRlbWVkaXRvcmltYWdlJmZpbGVuYW1lPWl0ZW1lZGl0b3JpbWFnZV81NmQ4NDkzNzFjM2I0LmdpZiZ2ZXJzaW9uPTAwMDAmc2lnPTIxMTE0OTVlM2I1Y2M2NWVlYjMzOTE3OTcyMDExZmI0 Also, I was being truthful when I said the challenge is hard... like, I guess I'm having some difficulties processing the path or something because I keep crashing absurdly early. I'm hoping that by tomorrow when others have played it they will be able to talk me through getting a decent score so our tribe doesn't have to go and I won't have to face the possibility of being first boot (which is likely).

Ok! So basically, Kat just asked me for an alliance??? It's legit night one like chill, but obviously I ain't gunna turn down an ally so i'll play along. I was like "OMG YAHHH I NEVER HAVE ALLIES ON SURVIVOR ORGS" hopefully that makes her think im like a 100% on board... in realist im like 40% on board. It's SHADee as FUCK to try and propose an alliance so early... Also, Giruga (or whatever) is legit annoying as fuck. I think ever sentence he has said thus far has the word "bro" in it? Like can you not be annoying as fuck for no reason... I get it is an alias season, but they dont give you no free pass to be as obnoxious as possible. Praying we win this challenge... hopefully get first because I could totally use a reward with possibility of an advantage in the game. GIMME THAT IDOL. If we do happen to lose I cant wait for the ugly bro culture of Giruga to be the first boot this season deserves.

Honestly I love my tribe and everyone seem so nice  Not knowing who people really are is kinda crazy but I'll get use to it. 

That challenge was crazy and I'm glad it's almost over with. 

I'm bored so I'm just gonna... make another confessional. What does this alias twist mean to me? I wanna be able to make the most of it and be able to play the game I'm never capable of playing as my real self. As who am actually am I suck at seperating emotion and strategy so I'm gonna try to be as emotionless as possible, which I actually think will be easy considering idk who anyone is....... except 2 people perhaps. Anyway time to flop at this challenge xoxox give me a good edit please

i'm typing like gabby bc i don't wanna get out of practice. why is it that the only person that talks to me is misty? bianca i c that u're on and you don't respond to me you're the first person im gonna target. i swear i've sent a 'hey' message to every1 on my tribe and the only one that responded was MISTY.  then marco or whatever his name is hasn't even accepted my friend request yet... i see how it is.

Later...

I mean I figured we didn't do fantastic but losing by over half.... sucks.  a lot.  Misty and uh.... someone else just called Marco out for not accepting anyones friend request... maybe that means we can vote him out this round to ensure I stay. :) 

https://youtu.be/NSE7BsDWti0

https://youtu.be/mn4vdHFOM88

I forgot we were the Titus tribe but then I realized we got 2nd so I am very proud of my tribe! We did it yay!

So we just got 2nd and are immune this week I'm so happy. Whoever gets voted out will be crazy bc no one wants to be first boot but the weakest should go!

So, not only does Kat approach me as an alliance, but i just got approached by William and Layla, too? Damn I cant believe im winning this game :))) Anyway, supposedly Kat and William are ORG newbies? Not sure if that is a lie, but that doesnt shrink their targets by any means... Also thank the fucking survivor gods this Bro bitch aint on our tribe for the next 20 hours!!!! I hope he burns in the Devil's butthole along with his meninst culture.

So UMMMM I'm gonna just spearhead this plan to get Marco out cause he hasn't spoken... at all. I'm not afraid to take control of my tribe at this point cause the inacts gotta go. Mattie/Gabby are both pretty active so I wanna work with them. Bianca's my goddess so I wanna work with her too. It sucks she got removed or else I would've formed a majority with them. Rn I'm telling everyone "If you watch out for me I'll do the same for you blah blah blah" and making deals w/ everyone because that's how I play! Let's hope it works out xoxoxo

okay, i've been trying to be a super sleuth to figure out these identities...  I really think that Misty is really Nic.  Misty is from Georgia and Nic is from Georgia, and I think they are from around the same area.  Nic knows that I am from Georgia and now he knows that Gabby is from Georgia too so I hope he doesn't put it together, I think that I'm typing differently enough and I lowkey think he believes that whoever is behind Gabby really works at chick fil a because I've been doing my homework. I'm not sure who Mattie is yet, but I'm having a hard time NOT mentioning how much I love Glee because then I think people would obviously know who I am- or they would think that I'm Ashley Sarah, but Mattie was talking about Scream Queens and I desperately wanted to say I LOVE LEA MICHELE but I kept my cool. I lowkey think that Mattie might be Pippa though, they remind me of each other.   Everyone else....?  I still have no idea. 

Not much has happened so far. I've talked to a few people but nothing has really moved forward. I was happy to go to the devil's hole, although I didn't end up finding anything. I'm glad I got a chance to meet people from the other tribes though. It was interesting to find out that they have people who haven't even spoken in tribe chat yet? That's crazy. Also it's fun to try to guess who's who. I mean, it's possible I don't even already know the people on my tribe, but it's still fun to try to figure out who they could be. I haven't really gotten there yet. Although I wonder if Alex Raine is a bit new to the community because he's a comp beast, yet he's showing it and making it obvious and making himself a target. I don't know, he seems cool and we've talked a bit, but come merge that could be tricky for him. In terms of alliances, there aren't any yet that I'm really aware of, but Jenny and Alex are the only ones I've talked to that much and I'd be happy to work with them, despite being a little nervous that Alex is a target. He's nice and hopefully his social game is as good as his physical.

aaaaa  i got 378 score   aaaa

Bye I'm going home today...  I'm shook at how fast this game started and I saw in the tribe chat that people were complaining that I hadn't added anyone yet but I didn't get any contact requests from any of them either hm!! Anyway unless I can pull myself out of the dirt somehow I'm totally screwed right now... im an easy target bc I was not here the first day and easy targets are always just easy to vote out the first week rip...

Nothing really. I haven't acted on my plans of being an aggressive player this season, so maybe I'll adapt and get a new strategy going later. Good luck to me

Right now I feel like a mess because I keep forgetting to check skype and missing important stuff. But right now the general consensus according to Misty is to vote out Marco because he literally does not exist and hasn't added any of us. I love a good first round flop. I feel like if I start showing my fabulous personality I could have a good shot at surviving if we go to tribal again, however people might be weary of me now that I've gone to the Devil's Hole, even though I got nothing. Rob wouldn't even let me keep the rock. :'(

I can't believe I'm pippa 

these bitches are so bland and boring BYE

Why did I make Kat so happy and grammatically correct all the time I'm so used to keyboard smashing like jsjsjahajak. I literally cringe every time I add an exclamation point like pls... settle down... I regret this so much nnnn. Anyways- The people I'm closest to rn are Dianna and William because we have an alliance. I'm also good with Giruga, but that's probably because he's such a talkative person-- and so is Dianna. It's really important for me to show my worth to these people so they don't target me because social players run the early premerge. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of that so far. I'm also playing it off like this is my first time playing an org, which will make me seem less threatening. I don't really know if that'll play off since we're all catfish, but I figure the more utr I am right now the better. 

Well, I can't get into my Paul account so I'm probably being voted out. Peace ✌️ 

EP 1 EDGIC

http://prntscr.com/f4zaus

[survivordivergent]

EPISODE 10 - “MAYBE REPUTATION DOES PLAY A BIG PART IN THINGS?” - ED

Whew. SO someone has the other half of amity? I'm shook

I wanna vote this Eliza bich out so bad She's so BORING FUCK Be FUNNY perhaps

I'm really frustrated that I can't give more time to this game. Maybe once there's a couple less people I will be able to get a better idea of what's going on.

I gave Eliza my advantage 2 rounds ago. I don't know if I mentioned that.

I kind of want to work with Otto because they are really honest with me but I know Eliza doesn't trust them. Hopefully Geo can go next. I'll use all the power I have in this duo to try and get him out first.

I really love the BH5 alliance. They are all great people and the chat is always poppin'. I'm super curious to see who everyone is. Im really hoping they all stick with this 5 until f5. I'm also gonna try to keep Lucy and Gio and Lake close so I can tell where their votes are going. The plan is to get Otto out next because he told Lake he wants me out or I'm winning. I told BH5, and they immediately said, "Otto? Gotta go." They think it's unwise to align with Lake because he leaks plans, but he didn't leak the Kyle was the vote. Lake is a good egg to keep close, and I will as long as they will let me keep him. We have a live challenge of Cut the Rope tonight, and as long as Otto doesn't win, I'm fine with it. But hopefully everyone likes me enough to let me win? After all, I have the most friends, right? ;)

I really hope Eliza is okay, she's my dear :(

This is my first cut the rope. I'm anxious. Who do I come for first, Lake? Otto? Geo even? LUCY? Who knows? NOT I SAID THE PAYTON. NOT... I.

I know that my last confesssionals were cocky but thats cause i didnt know the truth. Otto is a fucking dick and i dont get why hes calling me melania. whoever you are i hope you get lost in whatever fucking space station you came you little good for nothing fat ass loser, theres no point in keeping you around if youre going to be rude af when all you do is sit around and raise your cholesterol level and know theres no point in continuing if theres nothing on youre resume and you're never going to win you little bitch so yuo might as well quit now before it gets even more uglier for you

IM SCREAMING BECAUSE LUCY AS THE OL. SHE WAS LITERALLY LIKE "I HAVENT EVEN HAD TIME TO FIND ~HALF~ AN IDOL" AND I WAS LIKE OMG THAT WAS SO SPECIFIC SHES GOTTA HAVE IT NOW I CAN USE HER AND IM DEAD IM SO DEAD

I'm trying to spice this game up i really am

I'm laughing so fucking hard

"Literally. Who." Otto talking about himself 2017

I dont know who these inatives are thinking they can say whatever the shit they want Otto and Lake can go kill themselves and I wouldnt bat an eye i literally hate them so much

ohhh SO Much is happening!! so i just found out payton has the other half of the amity IDOL AHHHH thank god. great news for me tbh. also this challenge is so enlightening, at least now i know where i stand... it seems like the minority is me, geo, otto and lake. i tried to test the waters about working with them to geo and he shut me down so fast, he's just obsessed with sticking with payton and ed when its pretty clear neither of us are in ed's top group. also ed always wins reward and now just won immunity and hmm... i just don't trust him! though he has been keeping me safe so far, i just have to keep looking like the poor little deer that needs them to guide me to safety every week.. otto just approached me about making a "big move" and like i want to so bad... but i literally am fucked if i lose the trust of payton or ed... and geo is obsessed with them so i don't think he'd be down for it either. the last two votes have gone exactly how i wanted them and in a perfect world melissa would go this week (am i gonna hold a grudge that she posted the closed flower? i sure am!) or even jill... people don't like lake or otto but they're just like irrelevant people that i might be able to use for a vote in my eyes so its too early to let them go, but i also sure will throw them right under the bus if i need to in order to stay another week! this is gonna be a tough vote. we'll see though.

me: about to dissect otto's argument

Otto: you bitching in the jill, eliza, and payton chat? me: thats stupid to call out in the tribe chat

Otto: why try to pick off outsiders me: cause of stuff like this

Otto: nobody talked to me about the vote, if so, they lied to me or they were voted me: apparently it's going to be Kyle Otto: (according to Lucy) *votes lucy*

Otto: i dont get messages from people in control of the game me: what is that supposed to mean you stupid bitch you can take control with people not in control!!

Otto: ill respect people who will make the end to talk to me me: fuck you

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

i dont get why im coming after otto now im a genuinely nice person

FIREWORKS.

Very pleasantly surprised at how that immunity went. I know I'm a colossal target after winning the last three rewards and now an immunity. I know everyone suspects I have an idol, even though I've only confirmed that fact to Payton and Melissa. But I'd argue I'm in a VERY good spot for now. Maybe the second-best in the game after Eliza.

I'm reasonably sure the vote is falling on Otto this week, and for me it's a great move. He's pleading that people get more self-interested and make a move, but that only makes sense for those who feel they're at the bottom. Me, I'm fully invested in the BH5. I think the rest are too. And I like my odds at F5. I can win comps if needed, I have an idol as a failsafe, and realistically I suspect Lucy and/or Payton will need to be idoled at F6 using their halves of the Amity idol. That's great news. Payton found out about Lucy's half-idol last night, and she's realistically the best person who could have had it, as far as leaving Payts and I with options.

So unfortunately for Otto and his 'big moves' approach, that makes me even more eager to boot him – not because he's inactive or because of his past sins, necessarily. More because he's being very clever about this. If anyone takes him up on it, or feels like they're at the bottom of the BH5, then suddenly my position is much more tenuous. And the longer they're  exposed to it, the more it might resonate with anyone who feels even slightly vulnerable.

And look, I'm not naive. I realize that Payton and I were late-comers to the alliance. And I'm probably the first target when we get down in numbers (or when we lose immunity, maybe. I'm not convinced anyone REALLY wants me in the F5 except Payton.) But I still think this is a good spot. I trust my instincts, and they're telling me that this group may very well bring me to 5 and try to cut me then. Likely flushing my idol before then, but still. If they do bring me to the F5, that's probably a mistake on their behalf. And if they do take me out before then, all the kudos in the world to them.

I really like where I stand with Payton (obviously,) Melissa and Eliza. I think I'm least tight with Jill, which is very surprising because I still think we're on great terms.

Man, I just love this alliance. I can't wait to find out who all these people are after the game, because they're a lot of fun.

I also really like Lucy and can't get over how clever she was about revealing her possession of the half idol to Payton. Payts asked if she'd found anything and she said "omg no i havent even had time to find HALF an idol." Like, that's REALLY smart. It wouldn't raise too many concerns or suspicions to anyone who didn't know that the Amity idol was halved, but to someone in the know, it's a subtle poke. Really clever. A great option – and I can't see Payton wanting to stick with BH5 to final five. So that gives us flexibility to make a move without forcing me to get my hands dirty.

This game is going a lot better than I could have hoped. Huh. Maybe reputation DOES play a big part in things?

I'm SO SCARED that Jill wants my head. She came for Melissa and that concerns me. I'm hoping light discussion of condiments will make her dislike me less.

If you're gonna kill a grape, ferment it and drink to its life cut short - Ed, 2k17

I'm this group of sinners not even being able to keep their alternative facts straight - Melissa, 2k17

BH5 is just ed and all his sister wives at this point

this vote! is so messy! everyone is throwing out fake names, eliza's throwing out geo's name to me and otto, but then payton's telling me the vote is still otto. i really really appreciate otto's desire to make a big move and i want it to work but it looks like the numbers just are not there. he's trying to get that big group to split themselves but its just not realistic...i think at like 8:45 I'm gonna tell otto that its him tonight and just :( feel sad for him for a minute because that alliance is already bigger and stronger than we thought :(. otto first wanted to do payton but i steered him away from that and now i think he's gonna go for jill, which honestly would be another move in my best interest but like i said. the numbers. just aren't there. unless he can pull some magic in the last few hours before tribal its not going to happen. my best bet next is to try and get closer with eliza/jill and warn them about how close payton/ed are and like dfkslsdkj just break up their weird power group sooner rather than later. on another note its super cute and nice to not have my name being thrown out for the first time in awhile :) i feel safe.....maybe that means this is the week i go home hmm.

i hate myself im screaming im leaving on my moms birthday bye bitches fuck you all sorry otto btw!!

i dont know what to believe, i dont want to leave today, i hate evryone rn cause idk whats happening and i cant trust no one, i shouldve just played more cutthroat fuck it all i hate myself i hate myself i hate myself, im leaving tonight

So I've got Payton, Lake, and Jill all telling me that Otto is going for me, sending me receipts, and I'm so so afraid I will be gone tonight. All it takes is for one of BH5 to flip and I'm gone. Or an idol. The plan is for BH5 plus Lake and Lucy to vote Otto, but I'm terrified of idols right now. Ah.. I'm just so afraid I can't even think right now

The names I've heard come up are KYLE, LUCY, and LAKE. Personally I'd want KYLE or LAKE out, but I'm not confident there are numbers there to get either of them out? I actually would really want KYLE out because I think targeting LUCY for "inactivity" is really boring and stupid because it doesn't push the game in a more fluid direction. Eliza apparently wants the FOUR people to pick off the SIX people until we're down to the core. She probably wants this because she'd win. I'm SLEEP!!! I think that is just so boring and stale and pointless and it's like... what's the point of playing if the plan is just to pick off the minority, and then pick off the people outside of the core alliance? Like shake it up... have some fun? Make some moves. Try to have a good time. If Eliza got to the end I'd probably vote for anyone that wasn't HER because she seems to be the one sort of leading that charge for this stale gameplay. Anyways. Whatever. I'm trying to talk more and have funny conversations with people so we all have a good time. But I don't think I'd get to the end because? I just don't have a tight alliance with anyone. But ALSO like.... it would make sense for people to take me to the end as a goat....  Moving forward I think my only/best option is to just.... win challenges! And every time I'm immune I can just.... TRY to shake things up to gain favour with the jury maybe? Idk.

WHEW I'm the moment when I forget I'm a 20 year old good girl from Massachusetts and jump head-first into the Discourse in the tribe chat. In a span of five minutes, I threw myself onto Team Wine and talked about shook white boys with a RuPaul obsession likeeeeeeeeeeeeee I probably should have just dropped a selfie while I was at it, I'm a damn mess. In other news Jill is rude, I deserved immunity, Otto is a disaster, no one trusts Ed, I might be working with Lake in a minute, no one remembers Geo exists but he still lost immunity first, and idk a Lucy but I still wanna thank her for that open flower last round that was real sweet of her. And Ed is right, "it's a dick, they're not that complicated" from the tribe chat really does need to be an episode title <3

So thinking about my conversation with Otto in the tribe chat last night, I am realizing something. The reason the alliance of 5 between Melissa, Eliza, Ed, Payton and myself is together is because we are all usually online for this. The others are not on as much and it's difficult to really plan votes with them. I don't even know how to talk to any of them about the votes because I don't usually talk to them and they don't talk to me. As ugly and boring as our 5 person alliance steam-rolling merge is, I think it may be my best chance. I am hoping that no one is going to try anything shady. I want to be the one to do shady things. F5 terrifies me because idk how it will go. I basically hope i can make it past that tribal and then I will be happy

Voting against Eliza's wishes.

But Jill deserves it.

I'm so mad. Fight me.

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS TRIBAL IS A MESS. A HUGE, HUGE, MESS.

I am literally hyperventilating. Jill pretty much told Otto we know about his plans and if he has an idol, it's definitely being played. Payton and Ed say that if Otto plays an idol, Ed will play his idol on me. Im just so... why would Jill do that? If she winds up leaving because of this, I'm fine with it but.. I'm literally freaking out and I'm also trying to kill zombies right now and I just can't focus. If i need to play the simulation, I will