#who's going to volunteer to teach me anatomy

[rachi-roo]

Could you write some Professor Balam tickle HC’s please?? 💚🤍💜

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Mairimashita iruma-kun!: Professor Balam tickle HC!

WAAAA! Thank you so much for requesting thiiiis! He's so cute! He's so adorable! He's so soft! I love HIM! HIIIIIIM!!! Big ol' lovable tiggle monster! Weeeeee!

Professor Balam! At first glance, possibly intimidating in size! But really, he's a big softy who loves nothing more than a cuddle~! 🥰

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Lee:

Professor Balam is very 'touchy-feely', that's for sure, but he himself is not very feely-feely. He's not actually that ticklish at all. He's fairly immune to most pokes, prods, and skitters.

EXCEPT for his palms and ears!

If you ever find yourself in his loving clutches, just softly trace his palm, he'll become jelly in an instant.

And he loves it~ Anytime, anywhere, he will always welcome a friendly tickle or two. It's a wonderful reminder that you aren't intimidated by him and enjoy his company.

His laughter is deep and gentle. Muffled slightly by his mask, he will try to hold it in and keep teaching his class or whatever conversation you were having.

Kicky feets! His little birdy feet are all kicky. He can't help but fidget on the spot. As if making any other movements will help to prevent him from moving his hand away.

And he blushes too! Quite visibly, the tips of his ears go a nice shade of pink, matching his rosey cheeks.

Speaking of ears, if you manage to get a tickle in behind them, they'll droop and flick like a puppy!

He can barely keep his eyes open if you get his ears. It's just another tickly reflex~

Ler:

Oop, now you're in for it! Balam is almost 100% ler. He loves it. He loves watching his students' reactions, hearing their laughter, and feeling how they squirm and wriggle for freedom in his grasp!

In class, if a student seems to be dozing off, they're swiftly pulled to his side and bombarded with tickling vines under his control as a friendly wakeup call.

"Wakey, wakey~ Or its tickle town for you~!"

The same goes for if a student seems to be having a bad day, he'll be softer, but still won't tolerate a sad face in his class!

He is occasionally scolded by other teachers because he gets so enthralled with making his students laugh that they never have the chance to learn anything.

He often doesn't realise he's teasing either! "Oh my, you have a lovely laugh when I tickle you here! Is it a rather intense feeling?"

He's not afraid to say the word...

It sometimes becomes an unconscious act, just the same as handing out head pats to his students. He'll just do it out of the blue. That fact alone is usually enough to keep everyone on their toes.

His vines will wrap around your body, lifting you to his side or even into his lap before he softly starts poking up and down your sides.

A sneaky vine will always find its way into your shirt. Tummy tickles are his favourite to give out!

He has a little safeword for his students. "Plums." This word both means 'no thanks' and 'stop, please'.

He's not a ruthless ler. He knows that everyone has limits and that there are times when people just don't want tickles. And he respects both.

If he's teaching any anatomy, he'll get a volunteer to stand at the front, who'll always end up being tickled during the demonstration.

Tickling for him in part is a way of showing others that he isn't scary and reaffirming the bond you have. Another part is how fun it makes his lessons! Not a bored or tired face in sight, just how he likes it.

Aftercare head pats are MANDATORY. And if you're really tuckered out, he'll hold you warm in his lap, letting you take a power nap as he quietly continues his lesson, softly stroking and playing with your hair. He gets a living teddy to hug, and you get the best nap of your life. Win, win.

Weeeeee!!!! I love this big guy so much! He's so adorable I die every time I see him 😭 God please grant me this one wish! He's just a big ol' friendly tiggle monster!

85% Ler - 15% Lee

[silversoulstardust]

Hi! I am an artist, and I like your headcanons and the perception of Lawlu! Can I ask you to share some drawing ideas with me? Do you have a story or a scene with Lawlu that you would like to see in "Art"? I'm sorry for the mistakes, I'm writing through a translator!!(

omg I never thought it’d come a day when someone would ask me this 🥺💕

Umm ok where do I start

1. I absolutely love the idea of law and luffy exchanging hearts using law’s ability so they can feel each other all the time, even when they are oceans apart. luffy gets to feel law’s heart beating fast in his chest despite law playing it cool whenever luffy does something cute. law feeling luffy’s heart jumping in frenzy all day because well — luffy’s AuDHD — and then feeling the beat drop down to a steady pace for an extended amount of time. he can tell luffy is probably sleeping somewhere on sunny-go. it lets law know that luffy is safe whenever they’re apart.

2. another specific one that I love is luffy becoming a subject for medical practice for law and chopper. law teaches chopper about anatomy and physical examination for some orthopedic/surgical problems and luffy volunteers as a subject because law can’t exactly be showing it on chopper (as chopper possesses different anatomy) (and while luffy isn’t exactly the best person to represent normal human anatomy he goes “I wanna play with torao and chopper too!” after he got bored of bothering usopp so law has no choice but to concur). luffy absolutely messes with law. he keeps giggling. (“it tickles, torao!”)

law and chopper are in deep discussion as law holds him at odd angles trying to explain some special orthopedic tests to chopper when it all culminates to a point where luffy steals a kiss on law’s lips and grins from ear to ear as if he just win at some game over it heheh (obviously law gets flustered and speechless as luffy skips away to bother his other crews. robin who was watching over them from the upper deck manages to cover chopper’s eyes in the nick of time lol)

3. big spoon luffy, small spoon law. I said what I said :p

4. I’m a big believer that luffy is gonna grow up big and strong like his grandpa and dad. so yeah. law realizing he has to look up to luffy after a long time of not seeing him would be cute lol

5. luffy being oblivious with his PDA with law in front of boa hancock is a funny thought. poor queen having to witness all that 💔

there’s more but um it’s not safe for kids lol so maybe another post for that. I hope you like it and it inspires you to make more art 💕

[tjgenvs3000f24]

My Ideal Interpretation Role

Ever since I was a kid and went to the zoo for the first time (shout out to the Edmonton Valley Zoo), I have always admired the zookeepers or volunteers who stand near their animal exhibit and explain all the different facts and interesting tidbits about whatever animal they are holding or interacting with. I was especially jealous of the ones who got to do shows with the animals, watching people interact with animals I could only dream of interacting with and read about for years with ease, teaching the audience about their elephant friends or showing the cool tricks their dolphins can do while teaching about their anatomy, brains, and how we need to protect their environments with all the effort we can muster. This is the kind of nature interpreter I want to be.

Most recently, I had a chance to go to the Toronto Zoo with the Guelph Wildlife Club, and while there, we got a private showcase on how they train the hyenas. Now, when I was younger, I was huge into lions, and I was taught hyenas would bully lions and steal their food. Mix that with The Lion King's betrayal of them, their intimidating appearance, and that creepy "laugh" they make, I had my prejudices going into it. The thing that amazed me though, was that as our guide taught through how she and the other zookeepers trained the hyenas, what they feed them, and some common misconceptions (like how lions actually steal more from hyenas than the other way around), she spoke about them with such care and admiration that I began to feel it too. My opinion on hyenas has switched, and while I still have my apprehensions, I have a newfound respect for them. This ability to convince people to care about animals as much as I do just by showing them how incredible the animals truly are with facts and small shows is exactly what I aspire to, it's my dream career. To work at a zoo and teach people about all the different animals that inhabit this earth, from the smallest seahorses to the biggest of elephants, and especially if I could teach about orangutans, that would be my ideal position as an environmental interpreter.

Skill-wise, this kind of thing takes confidence, showmanship, and a lot of knowledge about and trust in the animals you're showing off and teaching about. The ability to shape your information and facts to whoever is learning from you, change your presentation to fit the audience's interests and keep them engaged takes a lot of training, but when you get good at it, it really shows through. I always find it so much more engaging when I can tell the person is talking about something, whether it is an animal, a plant, an interesting fact about nature, or a cause that they clearly and passionately care about, and emphasizing this and using that energy and excitability you have about whatever topic you're presenting really pushes the show you are putting on over the edge.

[nepenthendline]

S/O that forgets to eat - Tsukishima

I’m writing this to distract myself from the fact that I suck at anatomy

Request: ( not sure if this went thru the first time?? my tumblr is mean >:( ) hello! could i perhaps request some hcs of tsukki with a s/o who forgets to eat a lot? i struggle to remember to eat and it's been screwing me over a lot recently :(

Tsukishima:

It takes a little while for Tsukishima to realise your not-so-great habits of eating, he has a small appetite himself and also often forgets to eat, so it doesn’t register in his head as an issue when you’re not eating

He starts noticing when you’re complaining that you feel tired or have little energy, and when he realises that your body has been changing, especially when he asks if you’ve eaten at the end of the day and your eyes go wide, telling him that you forgot

He’ll watch over you for a little while before he mentions anything, trying to detect if there’s a particular reason as to why you forget to eat

Maybe you get to drawn into things? Maybe it’s a mental block? He’ll try and figure it out before he brings it up to you, mostly so that he can come to you with a plan to help you, but also so that he isn’t poking his nose into topics that are much more sensitive than just forgetting to eat

As much as he simply wants to remind you to eat, he feels a bit insincere doing so considering he often follows the same path as you, ending up at 11pm and forcing some cereal down his throat just so that he has something in his body

So he tries to bring eating into your routine, for both of you, such as sitting down together to eat, packing food and snacks or ‘making’ you buy him food that you can share because ‘he can’t eat it all’

Often you’ll be sitting at your desk, working away at something, for Tsukishima to drop a snack and some water in front of you, and leave straight after, no words are needed for him to tell you that you need to eat, and, if anything, it makes it a little easier since he doesn’t put any pressure on you

He often centres your dates around food, particularly cafes, so that he can make sure you’re at least eating when you’re out with him, and also because it gives you two an activity to do and actually go outside

He’ll very rarely mention it unless he thinks it’s becoming an extreme danger, such as you getting ill or loosing too much weight, he doesn’t want to cause you any stress over it as that will probably make you eat even less

He simply watches over you, doing his best to be there for you when any other factors of life may cause you to forget to eat so that you don’t have to worry as much

Also, he’s a great listener, so often he’ll let you lay next to him and just rant about anything on your mind, he probably won’t say much after, or anything at all, but he keeps it all stored in his head, and the hug that he gives you after is comfort enough

[goodoldfashionedthoughtcrimes]

When I was about 12 years old I noticed this white stuff in my underwear. It was goopy and creamy but when it dried it became crusty. I had no idea what it was. I hoped that if I ignored it it would go away- it didn’t. Eventually I became worried. I thought that I might be slowly pissing myself, but the texture wasn’t right for that. I considered that I might be intersex, have testes, and that they might somehow be leaking. I wanted to ask someone about it, but because of the inherent shame and tabooness around women’s bodies I was too embarrassed to do so. I figured that even if I did ask someone, they wouldn’t be able to help me. I thought that this white stuff in my underwear was a result of me being a dirty freak.

I felt so much shame around my body. I was terrified of sleepovers or locker rooms or anywhere else where someone might see what’s in my underwear. I carried this shame for almost two years.

Then one day a friend’s mother drove me home from school. This woman kept some kind of puberty pamphlet in the back of the car for us to read. I happened to pick it up and read part of it. The section I read taught me that this “white stuff” in my underwear is called vaginal discharge, it happens to all women, it begins anywhere from a year to a week before your first period, and it’s part of my vagina’s healthy natural functions.

I was so reliveved to know that what I was experiencing was normal, but I was also furious. Less than 50 words could have saved me from years of pain and humiliation. But no one thought to mention it. My school had given us some basic sex ed, but they never covered it. But they did cover wet dreams because obviously that’s more important.

I’ve shared my story with other women and it turns out I’m not the only one that had this issue. Dozens of women got back to me telling me that they had the same experience. One poor girl, she messaged me saying something like, “I know this sounds weird, but thank you for teaching me what discharge is.” She went on to tell me that she was 19 years old and that she had been experiencing it for ~8 years and had no idea what it was until she read my post. As soon as she noticed this white stuff in her underwear for the first time she went straight to her step mother who promptly made fun of her for being a freak. The stop mom took her to the gynecologist but they couldn’t figure out what was “wrong” with her. She had been going to the gynecologist and getting all these unnecessary and invasive exams and tests done. She thanked me for telling her what vaginal discharge was and thanked me for letting her know she’s not alone. I sent her a DM telling and infodumped everything I knew about vaginal discharge.

I couldn’t believe her story. She had been going to licences medical professionals for almost a decade and not one of them could figure out that it was just vaginal discharge.

————

When I was ~13 I put my fingers in my vagina and felt something. It felt like a tampon that had been left in there too long. I tried to pull it out but it was stuck. I then tried to scoop it out, feeling around the edges. That’s when I realized that it was attatched to me. It was not a tampon. I was terrified that it might be a tumor. But I was too scared to say anything because of the inherent shame and tabooness surrounding women’s bodies (again) and also because telling someone would mean having to admit that I put my fingers inside of myself.

About a year later I went to the gynecologist for an unrelated reason. I figured that now was the best time to bring it up. The nurse practitioner told me that I would need a pelvic exam to figure out what’s going on. I had been dreading getting a pelvic exam. I had been avoiding them for years because of a bad experience I had as a child. But I was so worried that I had literal cancer that I decided to tough it out. The nurse practitioner poked around for a while and asked if this object I mentioned was shaped like so. I said yes. She informed me that this object inside of my vagina was my cervix.

My fucking cervix! I never would’ve guessed. In the few diagrams of women’s anatomy that I had seen prior, the vagina and cervix look like two distinct organs. It always looked like the vagina ended then the cervix began. I never knew that the cervix poked out into my vagina like that.

————

I had such horrible experiences I vowed to prevent as many women as possible from experiencing the same thing. I made a point to tell my sisters everything I knew before it would be too late. I volunteered to teach sex ed at my high school. I share my stories constantly in the hopes that it’ll prevent someone, anyone, from experiencing the same thing. If I can prevent just one woman from feeling the same that I felt, all of my work will have been worth it.

Why is this the norm? Why are so many women unfamiliar with their own bodies? Why is it that what litte sex ed we get focused on men and their bodies? Why did my sex ed covered wet dreams and how to wash your dick, but never once mentioned vaginal discharge?

I used to agree that 7th grade was way too early for sex ed. I now couldn’t disagree more. Many girls at my school began menstruating before those two hours of sex ed we got in 7th grade. Children need to know what’s going to happen to their bodies during puberty before it happens, not after.

My area loves to pride itself on having some of the best sex ed in the country, but we really do have so far to go.

This is why I’m going into sex therapy/research/education/writing. I want to give free speeches at middle and high schools so the students will be prepared. I want to write books. I want to write a book directed at parents on how to talk to their kids about their bodies and sex. I want to write a book directed at children and teens about their bodies. I’m dedicating my life to prevent as many people as possible from experiencing what I did.

[wispandwhispers]

-i was bored last night so i decided to open up word and this happened

Shopping Mall au

-Logan and Patton who are fashion masters and will always be on the look out for new clothes

-Logan who has been caught running around the store in an attempt to construct an outfit

-Virgil as a cashier who is so used to his regulars he actually greets them when they pay

-Virgil who also knows that Logan has an allergic reaction to certain fabrics and tells him when he’s accidentally going to buy one

-Logan who started shopping in the first place as a way to support Patton when he came out as Trans but has now sold his soul to fashion

-Logan who is actually good at anatomy and does those fashion sketches and sews in his spare time

-Fashion disaster Roman who can sing and dance with ease but struggles to put an outfit together

-Confused Janus who was just a private school kid looking for a replacement hat and got dragged into the friend group by accident

- Remus and Patton volunteering for Virgil because he has to look after his younger siblings

-Private school /rich kid Janus finally learning what TJ Maxx is and falling in love with it

-The boys slowly becoming friends with Janus and him accidentally opening up to them

-Logan fighting over shoes in Black Friday sales

-(Yes, Virgil has a theory that 'Black Friday' is just a documentary/ live footage because that's how people actually act)

-Remus is the only one who will drag them out of the store so they can get home before midnight

- Remus who is the only one who reminds the gang that they have tests tomorrow so they can't go out today

-Give me braincell Remus goddamit

-(that's the most terrifying sentence I've ever typed)

-Roman who would sing for the Malls charity event because the performer dropped out

-Everyone . Everyone including Janus. Trying to get him in a outfit that isn’t just a outfit that belongs in jail.

-Long haired Roman who plaits it into a little ponytail like Katniss from hunger games and only takes it out when performing

-Virgil’s boss being so used to running frantic teenagers that he just asks them to not scream while doing it

-The boys picking out Halloween costumes and Remus not liking any of the items there and Logan, Patton and Janus pitching in to make his outfit

-Book nerd Remus who is a H.P.Lovecraft fanboy and loves said outfit because the trio took inspiration from him (Imagine Remus' duke outfit but with more tentacles)

- Fashion designer Logan who asks Patton to model some of them

-Remus who has more functionality than the whole group combined

-Virgil who had to literally put out a fire because of Janus and this lady getting into a fight over a black and yellow sunflower hat

-Virgil who on more than one occasion, had to explain to his boss that the changing rooms being stained in crofters is a normal occurrence

- Remus trying on makeup as a joke and now wears purple eyeshadow everywhere

-Makeup pro Janus teaching him the ropes

-Patton who will finish all his homework in class so he can meet the sale at 5

- Patton and Logan who loves the thrift store and goes searching for new stuff every week

- Logan looking in the thrift store for nothing and finding the cat hoodie which he then gifts to Patton

-Remus, who has a part-time job at the library and you can sometimes find him lying in an armchair with the latest thriller in his hands

-Logan who volunteers at the clothes repair store so much that they've offered to pay him

-Patton who accidently falls in love with Logan after he tries on a ballgown dress he joking told him to try on

-Logan who accidently fell in love with Patton after he fell asleep on his shoulder when they went to watch a movie

-Aroace Janus who can even sense the romantic tension between the two

-Roman who is the only one in the group who remembers to finish homework

- Virgil who has cried over the mall's Hot Topic closing down

-Who am I kidding everyone cried over Hot Topic closing

-Virgil bonding with Roman over their mutual love of Starkid

-The gang getting locked in the mall at night and basically living their fantasy of being able to window shop as much as they watch

-Roman who points out that the door is open and they never tried it

-Janus and Logan who try on heels together because everyone else is too afraid to

-Logan asking Remus for love advice because he's read so many romance novels

-Remus trying to explain to Logan that he knows shit about actual romance, he only knows tropes

-Remus who write romance short stories in his spare time

-Janus having to save Logan from making a fool of himself in the mall

-Roman who finally gets a pastel fashion sense and everyone loves it

-Tall lanky Remus and short Patton helping each other out 

-I will not give context

-Virgil and Janus tired of their friends talking about their pining to them team up to get them on a date

-They just trick them into going to a restaurant

-”Oh, hi Patton, I thought Janus would be here.”

-”Weird, Virgil said he would be here as well.”

-”Want to order while we’re waiting?”

“Sure.”

-Virgil and Janus high-fiving from the nearby table as they glasses gays finally kiss

-Roman who wasn’t in on the plan and works part-time as a waiter confused why Virgil and Janus are in disguise with actually scarily convincing makeup 

-Some creativtwins bonding as they switch places a joke and Roman reads Remus’ little fics and Remus finds Roman’s little musical songs he writes

-They bond over being nerds and geeks

-The gang was so confused why ‘Remus’ hadn’t made one thriller reference or ‘Roman’ hadn’t sung ‘Opening Up’ while cleaning up in the restaurant

- This got so much longer than I expected

General Taglist:

@weweregoddesses, @chaotically-asexual

Taglist for Logicality:

@froggydrawslightmode, @patton-cake

[vintagedolan]

mixtape | track three

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

Indiana was sure she’d never had a longer Monday in her life, and Tuesday wasn’t looking any better. Her lecture droned on and she did everything she could to stay engaged, from downing the rest of her water bottle to doodling on the side of her notes. 

Just as her professor started to move into the brachial plexus, she saw a small message notification appear in the top right corner of her laptop screen. A text, from Grayson.

Wyd? :)

It took all her power not to scoff in the middle of the room. The fact that he’d actually sent her a ‘wyd’ was almost too much.

learning, what’s it to yah

She scrolled to catch up with her professor, trying to keep up.

I’m bored

You want a vanilla oatmilk latte later, right?

Or did I not remember that right

Triple texter, of course. She typed out a quick shhh, unless you can teach me about the brachial plexus I gotta pay attention. I’ll text you when I’m out and turned back to her notes, scribbling out the diagram that her professor was drawing on the board.

But she still smiled when she got a p sure you just made that up but okay :) from him. 

Lecture sped up after that, her professor moving much too quickly through the nerves and innervations of muscles within the plexus that she could barely wrap her head around. She was going to have to review all of it again to even begin to fully understand. At least it wasn’t chemistry like it had been last semester - anatomy she could handle because at least it was interesting. Before she knew it she was closing her notebook and laptop, throwing them in her bag and heading out the door in a bid to get to the hospital faster. 

Little did she know, Grayson was waiting in line at Jet’s already, having come to the city much earlier than he needed to, toe of his Air Force One tapping on the tile as his nerves ran wild. He caught his reflection in one of the windows and paused to double check himself, just like he had that afternoon in his mom’s hallway, looking in the mirror that was hanging on the wall. Ethan had caught him in the act, and he knew it wouldn’t slip past him. 

“Alright, spill. You’re being sus.” Ethan’s words were garbled by the PB&J  in his mouth, but it still made Grayson panic a bit.

“Am not.”

“Cut the shit Gray, you only wear belts when you’re trying to impress somebody and I highly doubt you’re trying to woo over the kids. What’s her name?”

“I hate you.” 

“Interesting name.” That earned him a middle finger.

“Indiana.”

“Actual interesting name. She cute?”

“Very. And smart. And funny too. Good with kids.”

“And tick tick tick go the soulmate boxes. You gonna try to make a move?”

“We’ve talked one time bro. That’d be bold.”

“Yeah, and you’re you.You fall in love when somebody blinks at you right. Case made. Let me know when the wedding is.”

Grayson didn’t have a comeback for that, so he just huffed a bit and let out a “fuck off” before he turned to head for city an hour before he needed to. 

“Next… Next.” 

He pulled his head up, realizing the line had disappeared in front of him. He moved up to the counter, hoping he’d remembered her order right since she’d yet to answer him again.

“Can I do a large dark roast, and a large vanilla oatmilk latte please?”

Down the line, a man with an impressive beard and large gauges perked up as Grayson put his card into the reader. 

“Wouldn’t happen to be for Indiana Cross would it?” 

He wasn’t sure what the right answer was, so he just went with the truth. “Yeah, actually it is.”

Based on the way that the man squinted his eyes at him, Grayson realized it was apparently very much the wrong answer. 

“And you are?” He asked.

“Grayson.”

“Grayson.” He repeated, obviously waiting for an elaboration.

“I uh… I volunteer with her at the hospital?”

Right answer. The man relaxed, going back to making coffee with a nod. He tried to run through the possibilities while he waited for the drinks. Brother? Probably not. Ex-boyfriend? Possibly. 

“She’s a good egg, used to work here before school got to be too much. You’re lucky to have a friend like her,” he said after passing over the drinks. 

Protective manager. Not what he expected, but he understood. He had a feeling it wasn’t just him who had gotten attached so quickly.

“Yeah, yeah I am for sure. Thanks, have a great day.”

“You too…” he trailed off, waiting. He didn’t know if he’d forgotten his name already or just didn’t want to admit he remembered it.  

“Grayson.”

“Right. I’m Patrick. See you around.” 

“Yeah man, see you.” 

Grayson headed out the door, balancing one cup on top of the other so he could text her quickly. 

You at the hosp yet?

no, I’m not at the ‘hosp’ haha I’m walking there now

You didn’t text me when you got out of class

I’m hurt

boo hoo

:(

Lemme just 

Throw this coffee away real quick

hey hey now those are fighting words

oh shit I never texted you about the coffee, but you were right, vanilla oatmilk latte

I’ll give you a pass this time since you were learning about the brachial whatever

You’re lucky im awesome and remembered

wow

the most awesome

love to see it

just wait outside of jets, I’ll be there in a minute

Okay :)

He did as she asked, moving out of the steady stream of people that were on the sidewalk to watch people who passed, waiting for her. Every time he saw a head of blonde hair he perked up, until finally he recognized her moving towards him. She was dressed more casually than on Sunday, with a baggy crewneck on with her jeans and Air Force Ones. 

She noticed him a moment after he saw her, so by the time she laid eyes on him he was beaming, putting his phone away and moving towards her. 

“A large? You spoil me,” she teased, taking the cup from him gratefully. It was delicious as always, but she was more focused on his outfit – a tight black long sleeve shirt tucked into a pair of nice maroon pants, a large belt buckle resting on his waist. 

“We match,” he grinned, pointing a toe out to show off his shoes. It was about the only thing that matched – she felt frumpy next to him in her comfy clothes that she wore to class. Even her Air Forces were dingy compared to his, dull and dirty.

“Uh huh, right. I didn’t know that our first joint Buddies meeting was a fashion show, give a girl some warning next time, will yah?” 

“Oh shut up, you look cute.” 

Her eyebrows went up as she looked down at herself, then back at him. He threw her back the same look of disbelief.

“Did I stutter?” He asked, practically daring her to argue with him. She just blushed and shook her head, taking a drink of her coffee as they started towards Frazier. They walked shoulder to shoulder and Indiana was grateful – it was fractionally less common in the colder months, but she always got her fair share of cat calls on the streets. After getting to know him, she didn’t find Grayson even slightly intimidating anymore, but she still had the image of him on that bench, broad and serious, and she knew it was no coincidence that everyone fell silent with him beside her. 

It was a new feeling, having to hold herself back. She’d never had the urge to wrap her arms around someone walking next to her, reach out and hold onto their arm, even just reach down to hold their hand. It made her giddy and skeptical at the same time as she tried to distract herself, watching the cars drive by, honking at each other. 

“Where’d you go?” Grayson hummed, bumping her just barely and pulling her out of her head. Her heart swelled a bit hearing her signature phrase fall so easily from his lips, which seemed much pinker than she’d last remembered as he took a sip of his coffee and waited for her answer. A few moments later he quirked an eyebrow – a very well-manicured eyebrow. Did he get those waxed? She resisted the urge to reach up and smooth down her own that she knew were bushy and definitely not as nice as his.

“Indiana. You good?” He tried again, 

“Hmm? Oh yeah, yeah I’m good, sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, I was just checkin on you. Do we have a plan for this meeting or do you normally just go with the flow?”

“Depends on the mood she’s in. I’ve got some stuff in my bag – cards, my school stuff cause she likes to help me study sometimes. Other times she just likes to play 20 questions or hang out and talk. You’ll be the new shiny toy, so prepare for a bunch of questions. Especially about your teeth earrings.” 

He balked as they got to the doors, following her quick steps into the lobby.

“I’m sorry my what?” 

“It’s not everyday someone has diamonds in their teeth sir.”

“Okay but they aren’t teeth earrings, give me some fucking credit.”

“Definitely teeth earrings.”

“Jewels.”

“Teeth. Earrings. Oh my god, I’m gonna introduce you as teeth earring guy.” Her laughter filled the elevator as they stepped in.

“Oh god,” he groaned, letting his head fall back against the side of the little box as it moved up to the second floor. Indiana gave her most mischievous grin when the doors opened, walking quickly through the halls. It took Grayson a minute to realize that she was trying to beat him to Bekah’s room and he sped up his steps, trying to keep it casual as he passed rooms of kids and families, walking as fast as he could without full on running down the hall. They didn’t see the nurses laughing at their antics, but they didn’t care. Indiana side stepped into Bekah’s room abruptly, so fast that Grayson almost knocked her over trying to stop behind her. 

Bekah was up walking around in a hoodie and leggings, and when she turned she immediately pointed over Indiana’s shoulder.

“Teeth earring guy!” 

They couldn’t help it – they both busted out laughing, Indiana grabbing onto his shoulder to keep herself from falling over. When they finally got it together he spoke up first.

“My name is actually Grayson, but you can call me teeth earring guy if you wanna.”

“I’m Bekah Newcomb. Mandatory intro spiel, I’m 15, stage 3 leukemia. My parents aren’t pieces of shit, they just work a lot so they’re never here. No siblings because why mess with perfection. Any questions?” 

Indiana bit her tongue – she had forgotten about the spiel, forgotten that it was Bekah’s favorite way to test new people, make them uncomfortable. Her eyes flickered over to Grayson, but he had the biggest smile on his face.

“Only one, but it’s very important. You ready?”

“Hit me with it,” she said, anxiously waiting. 

“Is cereal a soup?” 

Indiana couldn’t have planned a better intro for the two of them – they bonded so quickly right there before her eyes, debating the constituting factors of soup, and it had her melting to see him interacting so easily with the girl who meant so much to her. Bekah didn’t even attempt to put up her usual front, just laughed and joked with him as if she’d known him for years. The hours flew by, games of war and BS passing the time as Bekah sat at the top of her bed and Indiana and Grayson sat at the end of it, knees touching as they resisted the urge to peek at each-others cards. 

The only hiccup came when Bekah got her meds at 7, but she put on her best show for Grayson, managing to keep her stomach settled enough to avoid puking. It was the most fun visit either of them had had in a while, and Bekah fought her drowsiness until visiting hours were over at 8. Indiana had to be the voice of reason, starting the goodbyes before the nurses came to kick them out.

“Are you both coming back on Thursday?” Bekah called out as they headed for the door. 

“Hell yeah we are. Want us to bring anything?” Grayson grinned.

Indiana liked the sound of us.

“Cereal, so we can test our theories.” 

“You got it. See yah Thursday Beks.”

“See yah Thursday, Earrings.” 

His laugh was so loud that the nurses at the desk peeked their heads around to see what was happening – but they were smiling up at the two of them as they signed out and started down the hallway they’d come up. 

As soon as they cleared the ocean hallway, Grayson turned to her.

“Was that okay? Like was that good?” There was genuine concern in his voice, and Indiana had to bite back a laugh. 

“Are you seriously asking?”

“Yeah, ‘course I am.”

“Grayson she loved it. She loved you. I haven’t seen her smile that big since she’s come in for this round of treatment. Were you worried about that?” She didn’t stop herself from reaching out and holding onto his shoulder, squeezing lightly as they stopped walking. 

“A little,” he admitted, relaxing under her touch.

“You’re a natural, I told you that. I promise you did great, I wouldn’t bullshit you.” 

He stopped walking for a minute, and there was an intensity in his gaze that had her stomach fluttering.

She didn’t know what she expected, but it definitely wasn’t for him to say “Can I take you to dinner?”

“Now?” Stupid answer.

“Well, it is dinner time. But if you aren’t hungry I could wait a while. Or if you don’t want to go, that’s totally okay, I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything just cause we’re doing this together and we share a buddy and-”

“I want to go to dinner,” she cut him off, and he could see the hesitation on her face.

“I sense a but coming…”

“But -”

His heart sank a bit - he’d fallen into the trap he always managed to get himself into, falling too quickly, making his move too fast. But it was natural to be next to her, to talk to her, to have her hand stay on his shoulder. He liked the feeling of her there, the sound of her laughter and the brightness of her smile, and he couldn’t quite hold himself back it seemed. It made the rejection he knew he was about to get hurt even worse. 

“But, I have to study tonight,” she sighed, and there was a genuineness to it that had him breathing a bit easier. She actually seemed disappointed, and the hope he felt rose up again.

“Oh yeah, the biceps whatever thing, that shit sounded complicated.”

“The brachial plexus, but A for effort,” she teased. “No but seriously, I gotta get that shit down or I’m gonna forget everything she said about it today. But I really do wanna go to dinner, I’m not blowing you off.” She rushed through her reassurances, dropping her arm and starting to walk again, towards the stairs this time.

“I believe you. How about Thursday, after we hang with Beks?” 

“Yeah, I can do Thursday!”

“Gang.” Fuck. He’d been doing pretty well at hiding all the slang he’d picked up in LA.

“Did you… what?”

“Nothing, pretend you didn’t hear that. Thursday sounds great. Oh, before I forget, can you bring some non-dairy milk with you when you come?”

She paused for a minute, looking up at him from a few stairs below like he’d grown another head.

“You want me to bring milk… non-dairy milk… to dinner.”

“No! No no, for the cereal! I just have a long drive and I don’t want it to get all gross and hot on the way, and since you walked I figure you live close by. I can venmo you for it.”

“Oh! Yeah, I can bring some, you don’t have to venmo me for it, no biggie.”

“Okay cool. Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t ask you to bring milk on a da- to dinner. Bring it to dinner. That would be… weird.” His cheeks burned hotter than he realized they could. The fact that he’d almost slipped and said date had embarrassment and panic coursing through every inch of his body, and he could already hear the way Ethan was going to laugh when he told him the story later. 

Of course Indiana heard it, but the way he was blushing to his ears had her pretending she didn’t.

“Thursday it is then,” she grinned, opening the door of the stairwell and holding it until Grayson passed through. The massive windows of the lobby were painted indigo, washed out a bit by the city lights but dark nonetheless. 

“Damn it’s dark,” he muttered. Even though it was beginning to get dark earlier now with autumn on the horizon, it was still much dimmer than he was used to.

“It’s supposed to storm the rest of the week, probably just the clouds,” she shrugged. She looked small for the first time to him, headed towards the doors.

“Can I drive you home? It’s really dark out.” The words came out before he could think them over - that seemed to be the effect she had on him. 

“Oh, it’s okay! I only live like three blocks from here, by the time you get your car I’ll probably be home,” she reassured him with a smile.

“Can I walk you then? I don’t like the idea of you walking out there in the dark by yourself.”

She paused at the door, and he half expected her to turn and remind him that she was very much capable of walking herself. But she surprised him, as she always seemed to do.

“Yeah, yeah that would be really nice actually. If you don’t care.” 

“No, I’d love to. You ready?”

She nodded and pushed the doors open, hair blowing back in the wind as she walked outside. The temperature had dropped significantly, the true sign of a storm coming through just as she’d suggested.

He took his spot beside her, shortening his strides so he didn’t stray too far from her, standing tall and broad. Indiana felt small next to him, but in a good way for once. It was even more comforting than earlier, and she took slower steps than she usually did, trying to draw it out as long as possible. She tried to convince herself it was because she wanted to procrastinate studying, didn’t want to have to tackle her notes, but in reality she knew it was because she didn’t want the night to end. 

It was a comfortable kind of quiet, the bustle of the city streets creating the perfect background noise as they weaved down the sidewalks. Indiana felt like if anyone looked at them they’d be able to see the little bubble of nervous energy surrounding the two of them - it had her feeling like she was back in middle school, giddy because the cute boy looked at her for two seconds.

Much too quickly, her apartment building appeared, tall and imposing in the dark.

“This is me.”

“Damn, that really was a short walk.”

For once, she wished it had been longer.

“Thanks again for walking me.”

“Yeah, yeah no problem, anytime. Um… have a good night.” He could hear the awkwardness in his tone, felt like it was palpable in the city air.

“Goodnight Grayson. Drive safe.”

“Goodnight Indiana. Sleep safe.”

That earned him his new favorite smile, but only for a moment before she disappeared into the lobby.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

 “Bro, will you fucking focus?” 

There were few things that annoyed Grayson more than his brother taking too long to finish his reps on the equipment, but that day he’d become his own pet peeve. In his head, distracted, constantly checking his phone - and Ethan was beyond annoyed.

“Alright, out with it. The fuck is goin on in there?” Ethan smacked Grayson’s head lightly, concern starting to overpower the annoyance. 

“It’s nothing, let’s just finish this shit before it rains again,” he huffed, moving to the single pull up bar that he’d built last year and starting his reps. The sky was a dreary gray, the cold of autumn starting to come in and clinging to everything it touched.

It wasn’t nothing. Actually, it was much much more than that, and Ethan knew it too, but he didn’t pry. Yet. He did his best to keep his brother focused for the rest of their Wednesday work out, encouraging him to get more reps, to push a bit harder. It didn’t seem to clear his head at all, and Ethan held his tongue for a few more hours, waited until they were both showered, in fresh clothes and in the kitchen making lunch for him to finally ask again.

“Is it the girl? Indiana?”

Grayson didn’t answer, but the look that he threw Ethan from his spot in front of the stove told him enough.

“What’d she say? Lemme see.” 

He passed his phone over, moving back to stir soup he was making as Ethan read the message. Grayson remembered exactly what it said, even if his twin didn’t mumble it out as he read.

“Hey, about dinner tomorrow. Turns out my sister and brother in law are moving out of my place (finally) because Charlie got a new photography deal and I promised I would help them move :( but we could do dinner on Saturday night if that works for you still? If not it’s okay. What’s wrong with that?” Ethan asked.

“She doesn’t wanna have dinner,” Grayson muttered, watching the soup spin in the pot as he stirred.

“That is so not what that means. Is this seriously what you’ve been pouting about all morning?” Ethan had to bite back his laugh. He hadn’t seen his brother this in his head about something in a while, and he didn’t want to make him feel stupid for being worried. “If she didn’t want to have dinner, she wouldn’t have asked about Saturday.” 

“How do you know? You haven’t even met her.” 

“Cause I’ve had a girlfriend for two years. You just learn what they mean in their texts even if they don’t say it.” 

The last thing Grayson needed in that moment was a reminder that his brother was in a very loving relationship, but he let it slide. Eden had come into their lives a few years back, a fireball of take-no-shit and feminine power unlike either of them had ever seen. It was a learning curve, and Ethan was determined to ace the test. Grayson was glad that he had - she’d become a sister to him, and she brought fun and laughter to their life out in California. 

“Call Eden, see what she thinks,” Grayson said, scooping soup out into bowls for the two of them. Ethan did as he asked, pulling up facetime and letting it ring through until she appeared on the screen, wide smile bright against her tanned skin, California sun bright in the background. 

“Hey baby! What’s up?”

“Grayson’s having girl problems.”

“Oooo I love girl problems, hand him over,” she teased, still beaming when Ethan passed over his phone. 

“Alright hit me with it, what’s the tea?” 

Grayson tried to give her the short version of how he and Indiana had met, but he found himself elaborating with each detail that he remembered, from every word of the text down to the way she said goodbye the last time he’d seen her, only the night before. It felt like longer than that. 

Eden was quiet for a moment after he finally finished the story, but by her coy smile he knew she was just trying to figure out how to word everything correctly. 

“Okay, so first off, just to clear things up, she’s not blowing you off.”

He wanted to believe her, desperately, but the doubt must have still been obvious on his face, because she rolled her eyes before she launched into her explanation.

“She texted you today instead of tomorrow, which probably means as soon as she found out she told you. That’s a good sign. She’s nervous too, that’s why she said ‘if not it’s okay’, cause she’s trying to give you an out if you want it.”

He very much didn’t want an out. He actually wanted an in.

“The fact that she reached out at all shows that she cares, and she’s trying to set up another time which definitely means she’s interested. Most girls would just wait to see if you would set up another one, that’s what I would have done. Tested to see if you were invested. But if she’s willing to do it, that means she must be pretty sure of you. Or totally oblivious to the fact that you like her. Either way, you’re in good shape.” 

“Who said I like her?” He muttered, getting a barking laugh out of both members of his audience.

He let them fall into conversation without him, the quick catch up of their day that they’d been doing lately since they were on opposite sides of the country. It was hard for Ethan, but he managed it well, with plenty of sappy texts and nightly facetimes that would have Grayson gagging but secretly wishing he had someone to talk to like that.

He wondered what Indiana was like on facetime while he ate his soup. He wondered what her favorite color was, why she took oatmilk in her coffee instead of regular, what her class schedule was. Wondered what time she woke up on the mornings when she could sleep in, what she’d want to do on a real date, what her room looked like. He never realized how much mental space he had for someone other than himself or Ethan, and he found himself obsessing the smallest things, trying to ignore the butterflies it brought to his stomach.

Ethan didn’t help once he finished his call and started devouring his luke-warm bowl of veggie soup.

“Bro you’re in deep, I can tell. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you get this attached this quick before.” 

“There’s just something about her dude. It’s scaring me a little honestly. I’ve never felt like this about anybody, and I’ve literally only seen her twice. I mean, I barely even know her, but I can’t stop thinking about her. Is that weird?” 

Ethan thought of about twenty comebacks that he could have used, but he bit them back. He could feel his twin’s anxiety, and he wasn’t about to add to it.

“Nah man. It’s not weird. It’s intense, but it’s not weird. And hey, if she ends up being the one someday it’ll make a cute story. You hear all sorts of people say they fell in love the first time they saw their person, who says that couldn’t be you, yah know? But hey, I gotta meet her before you go proposing or some shit.” He bumped his shoulder with a smile, turning back to his bowl of soup so Grayson didn’t feel like he had to respond right away.

He thought on it for a minute, trying to process everything his brother had just laid out on the table. And then he pulled his phone out, clicked on his new favorite thread to check, and typed out his reply.

Saturday date it is

See you tomorrow :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Indiana Cross was never late. In fact, she was usually a minimum 10 of minutes early. But one too many outfits changes had slowed her down and she was cutting it too close for comfort - so close that when she looked out and saw the rain had started up again, she contemplated just running out into it and getting drenched instead of trying to make it back upstairs to get her umbrella. 

She peered out into the street through the lobby doors, trying to decide if the drops would be enough to ruin her outfit, when something caught her eye. 

A hand, waving quite cutely at her through the glass. 

Grayson was outside, massive black umbrella over his head and a wide smile on his face as he walked up to the doors, waiting for her. He hadn’t said anything about coming to pick her up, but her heart fluttered at the sight of him anyways - she’d seen him just a few days ago, on Thursday, where they’d sat on Bekah’s bed again and ate cereal and laughed and joked. But it felt like it had been forever, and with the added stress of moving Charlie and Devin out, and the hard goodbye that she didn’t want to admit was hard, she hadn’t really relaxed since she’d last seen him. 

He made sure there wasn’t a gap between the awning and his umbrella so she could duck under it without getting wet. As soon as she was under she made her move, if you could even call it that, and wrapped her hands around his bicep, trying not to gawk at how big it was. Instead, she looked up at him and scrunched her nose.

“Hi.”

“Hi there,” he beamed, and she could see the excitement in every single one of his features. “Figured I could walk you. You ready?”

She nodded, holding on to him as they started to walk down the sidewalks. His slow Jersey pace mixed with her short legs and quick New Yorker steps kept them perfectly in sync as they dodged puddles and soaked up the feeling of being together again. 

The conversation flowed as easily as ever, Grayson asking her how moving Charlie out went, if she was sad to have her sister so far away. They talked about Cameron going to school in South Carolina, and how he and Ethan couldn’t spend more than a week apart without going crazy. She talked about school, the assignments she had lined up for the week, the exam she had already started studying for even though it was next Friday. Every time they got to a puddle that was too big for both of them to walk around he guided her to the dry part, walking lightly through the water so he didn’t splash her. 

They got to the hospital much too quickly, and she let go of his arm reluctantly so he could pull the umbrella down and shake off the excess water before they made it in. Grayson led the way up the stairs and onto the unit, waving at the kids he saw, giving Andre a high five as he passed and asking the nurses how their shift was going. Indiana couldn’t help but notice the way the younger nurses - actually, all the nurses, seemed to be watching his every move, blushing and smiling at him as he passed.

She fought the urge to reach out and hold his hand, walking just a bit closer to him so their arms brushed against each other as they moved. It sent electricity through every nerve ending on her body, and she got so caught up in it that she almost forgot to stop him before they made it to Bekah’s room.

“Hey, one thing. I know we’re going on a date later, but let’s not have any… like us stuff, while we’re here. I don’t want Bekah to feel like a third wheel or anything, cause we’re here for her. Deal?” 

“Deal.” There was a prideful look in his eyes that she couldn’t quite place, but she didn’t have time to analyze it before she stepped into the room. 

Bekah was in her bed, curled up under the blankets on her side. Her head was wrapped in a light blue scarf - something her mom had brought her a few days prior, sweatshirts pulled down over her hands as she shivered. 

Grayson’s face fell immediately, and he froze at his spot by the curtain. She looked sick, actually sick, for the first time, and it brought on a wave of memories and emotion that he wasn’t quite prepared for.

Indiana didn’t blink. 

“Hey you. How are you feeling?” Her tone was soft, soothing as she moved to her bedside and laid a hand on Bekah’s shoulder, starting to rub against her cold skin.

“S’ cold,” Bekah mumbled, burrowing down further, so far that Indiana could only see her brown eyes and the dark skin of her forehead.

“Want me to go see if I can get you another blanket?”

She nodded weakly, resting her head back on the pillow as Indiana stood up and moved over to Grayson.

“You okay in here by yourself for a minute?”

Grayson nodded, half to answer and half to convince himself. She gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze before she disappeared out the door. He stood there in silence for a moment, hands shoved in his pockets, unsure of what to do.

Bekah peaked her head out just enough for her mouth to be visible before she spoke. 

“I’m not contagious, Earrings, you can come over here.”

The tension in his shoulders released and he walked over, sitting down as gently as he could on the edge of the bed.

“You’re weird,” Bekah said, eyes still closed. He panicked a bit, trying to keep his voice calm.

“Yeah? Why am I weird.”

“You don’t like being around sick people, but you’re volunteering at a kids hospital. Weird.” 

“I don’t think anyone likes seeing people sick,” he murmured, trying to word everything very carefully.

“Indiana likes being around sick people because she likes to help. I think you like to help too but it makes you uncomfortable.”

There was no malice in her tone, but it still made him let out a dry laugh.

“You’re an observant one, aren’t you.” 

“Not much else for me to do in here but watch people. But seriously, why’d you sign up to make yourself uncomfortable? Did someone tell you to?”

“Yeah, kinda. Someone told me if I could help that I should.”

“Your mom?”

“My dad actually,” he corrected quietly, toying with his fingers. Anytime he said his name out loud, no matter the form it took - dad, father, Sean - it was like he could feel it in his heart, a little tug on the original wound, a finger picking at a scab that wasn’t quite formed yet. 

“I’ll have to thank him for that some time. I like having you around, no matter how awkward you are.”

“Well thanks Beks.”

He was saved from his devolving thoughts by a very excited Indiana coming back into the room with not one, but three blankets stacked in her arms. 

“I declare it movie night,” she said, passing both of them their own blanket and rummaging for a remote, pulling up Emperor's New Groove before settling down into a chair on the other side of the bed. Grayson pulled one up so he could sit back, and without the distraction of conversation Bekah was out within the first 15 minutes, breaths deep despite the winces that she couldn’t hide. Indiana just ran a comforting hand over her arm until she lulled down further, tired muscles finally relaxing.

“She’s gonna be out the rest of the night, we might as well let her rest. You ready to go?” She asked after another twenty minutes, a bit of excitement returning to her eyes. 

He nodded, moving to fix Bekah’s blanket over top of her one last time before he clicked the TV off and left her to sleep. 

As soon as they signed out, he couldn’t hold back his questions.

“Is she getting worse? It seems like she’s getting worse.”

“Not necessarily. Chemo is weird like that sometimes, sometimes she’ll have good days with her meds, sometimes she’ll have bad ones. It’s just her body trying to fight for and against her at the same time. Exhausting, I would imagine. But she’s okay.”

“She doesn’t seem okay,” he said, looking back down the hallway before they went through the first set of doors.

“Hey.” He turned back to her, noted for a moment that her eyes were the same color as the painted jellyfish on the wall behind her. It grounded him somehow. “Don’t carry all this out here with you, it’ll wear you down. She’s in good hands, she’s sleeping, she’s safe. They’re doing everything they can for her, you’ve gotta trust in that.”

He knew that sometimes it didn’t matter how much they did, but he kept that to himself. 

“You want me to compartmentalize.” 

“A little bit, yes. It’s the only way you can survive something like this, trust me.” 

He did. And he knew she was right. So he closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths, let himself let go for a moment and breathe a bit easier. Without a hesitation, he reached a hand out for hers as soon as he opened his eyes, linking his fingers with hers. 

“Okay. Let’s go on a date then.” 

“Let’s go on a date,” she repeated, squeezing her tiny hand against his as they started down the hallway again. 

He’d hatched a whole plan, ran the whole thing by both Ethan and Eden. They were going to get dinner at a little vegan food truck that he had made sure would be close by, walk the High Line for the last hour that it was open, and finish off with a late night coffee from Jets. 

“Do I get to know the details of this date?” She asked while he opened the umbrella up outside and offered him her arm, almost as if she knew he was running through the itinerary in his head for the entire walk.

“Nope, you’re just along for the ride.” He grinned, trying to keep his confidence up as he started walking down the sidewalk.

For the first block, everything was fine. The rain picked up slightly, but nothing too bad, and it only made her hold onto him a bit tighter, leaning into him to avoid getting wet. He reveled in the feeling, holding himself back from leaning over and kissing her forehead. 

The second block, things got a bit worse. The wind began to howl, thunder booming so loud above them that they both jumped. It seemed to shake the buildings around them a bit, and Grayson bit his lip, scrambling to think of what they would do if it got worse.

By the third block, all hell broke loose. The rain was coming down in sideways sheets, soaking their shoes and pants as Grayson tried to angle the umbrella and keep Indiana dry. It worked for approximately two seconds before the wind inverted the umbrella, leaving them both entirely exposed. 

“Sorry, fuck, sorry!” He yelled over the roar of the rain, trying desperately to fix it as their shirts became heavy and wet. Their hair stuck to their foreheads, and when he pushed his back he saw that Indiana was laughing, laughing so hard that she leaned back slightly, clutching her stomach.

“C’mon, c’mon!” She grabbed his hand, dragging him along as they ran through the downpour. He followed her blindly, holding tight to her slippery hand as she weaved them through umbrellas and past people huddled under stoops. 

When she pulled him into the lobby of her apartment building they were both laughing, breathless and giddy, so loud that a few people turned to look at them.

They didn’t notice.

“Your teeth are chattering,” Grayson laughed, reaching out to rest a hand on her quivering cheek. He was cold too, but he didn’t care. He hoped the blush he got out of her warmed her up a bit. “Not to invite myself up or anything, but do you care if I get dried off?”

She rolled her eyes at him, just taking his hand and leading him over to the elevator. 

Unfortunately, a perfectly dry woman in her 40’s stepped on with them, and all it took was the sound of the water dripping off their clothes onto the tile for them to both break into a fit of giggles, Grayson’s mouth going wide in a silent cackle that had Indiana having to cover her own to keep from being too loud. She felt like a middle schooler getting scolded in the back of class until they made it to her floor, stepping past the woman with a muttered ‘sorry’ and wide smiles. They stared at each other until the doors closed, and then they were laughing again, holding onto each other’s shoulders as they tried to make it down the hallway and breathe at the same time. 

Grayson was wiping tears by the time they got to her door, still giggling to himself as he started to shiver, his clothes getting colder by the minute. He took his shoes off outside the door, not wanting to track even more water inside as she opened the door

Her apartment was a bit warmer than the hallway, a welcoming and simple space with a small kitchen to the left and a cozy living room in front of him. Without realizing that he had even done it consciously, he had imagined her in a place just like this, with the big windows on the other side of the room covered in rain. 

“Nice place,” he murmured.

“It’s no house, but it’s nice enough,” she teased. “Let me see if Devin left anything here that you can wear, hold on.” 

She disappeared into a room on the right and he made his way into the living room, showing himself around. The picture frames on the top shelf caught his eye for a moment, and he smiled at how cute she looked as a baby, how beautiful she looked in her dress with her sister beside her. The woman holding her hands in the last one looked just like her, and he was about to ask when he felt Indiana behind him.

“That’s my mom. Nicole.”

“She seems like a great mom.”

“Yeah, she was.” 

Grayson froze. Fuck. 

“Shit, Indy, I’m sorry I-”

She put a finger to his lips. “It’s okay. But let’s not talk about it tonight, yeah?”

He nodded, trying to swallow down his guilt. He knew what it felt like to have that sprung on you without a warning, and he wished he could pull the words back out of the air, back out of her mind. 

“Try these.” She passed him a pair of pajama pants. “I’m still looking for a shirt, I might have something that’s big enough for you. There’s a bathroom in my room if you wanna change in there.” 

“I can just go shirtless for a while, it’s no big deal,” he reassured her. Her eyes went wide for a moment, and he saw her swallow.

“Okay. I’m gonna change now.”

“Okay. I’ll wait until you’re done.”

They stared at each other for a minute before Indiana finally moved, going into her room to start rummaging through her own clothes. She changed faster than she ever had, throwing on a pair of leggings and a crewneck with some comfy fuzzy socks before she was back in the living room.

“All yours. Um, do you want anything specific for dinner? I haven’t gone to the store in a while, and I would feel bad making somebody deliver in this weather,” she mumbled. 

“Well, I’m vegan, but don’t worry if you don’t have anything, I can make it till I get home.”

In all honesty, he was starving, but he wasn’t about to end the date early because of a lack of plant based meal choices. 

“I’ll see what I have, go change so I can put your clothes in the dryer with mine.”

He did as she asked, moving into her room. It was similar to the living room - white bedding, simplistic artwork in wooden frames on the walls. But above her bed were an assortment of vinyls, and he actually gasped when he saw the one in the middle.

“You listen to Cudi?!” He yelled, running back into the living room. Indiana was in the kitchen with a cucumber in her hands, but he made her jump so hard that she almost dropped it.

“Yeah, do you?”

“I fucking love Cudi dude, he’s the best artist of all time. I can’t believe you listen to him too.” 

“Do I not give off Cudi vibes,” she laughed, putting the words in air quotes.

“No, you definitely do not.”

“What vibes do I give off then? Or do I not wanna know.”

“You don’t wanna know,” he grinned, flinching when she raised the cucumber like she was going to throw it.

“Go change Gray.”

He went back in, headed to her bathroom. It was much darker than the rest of the house, with a dark gray shower curtain adorned with wildflowers. He locked the door and stripped down quickly - his underwear were still damp, but he wasn’t about to go commando, especially if he was gonna risk having to hide a boner later. He had no idea how far the night was going to go, but he wanted to be ready for anything.

Standing there in the mirror in his boxers, he contemplated it for a minute, and then pulled a very 2016 Grayson move of dropping to the floor and doing a quick set of push ups so that his bare arms were a bit more swollen than they had been. 

He pulled the pants on, groaning a bit at how long they were, and how tight they clung to his ass. Worried that he’d spent too long in the bathroom he picked up his wet clothes and headed back to the living room with the ends of his pants rolled up three times so he didn’t trip on them.

“You didn’t tell me Devin was a fucking giant dude! How tall is that mans?” 

“He’s 6’5”,” Indiana laughed from somewhere he couldn’t see her, popping up with a loaf of bread and putting it on the counter. Her eyes went wide at the sight of him, so much tanned skin stretched over thick bands of muscle that it had her mouth dry. She swallowed again before she spoke. “Just sit those down, I can put them in the dryer.” “I can do it, are yours already in there?” 

“Yeah, it’s over there.” She smiled and pointed to the doors in the hallway. He put them in and turned it on before he finally made it to the kitchen and saw the assortment on the counter. But she wasn’t looking at the food anymore - her eyes were all for him, and he felt himself fall nervous under her gaze again. 

“What?”

“Nothing. You’re just cute.”

“Oh yeah, these pants are what do it for you huh?” He gave her a little spin just to make her laugh.

“Did I stutter?” She tilted her head to the side just barely, and it took all his self control not to lean in and kiss her right then. Instead, he just shook the thought from his head and stood close enough to where her shoulder was against his arm. 

“What’re we workin’ with?”

“Well. I’ve got apples, a few grapes, jelly, some lettuce, bread, peanut butter, a sweet potato and crackers. Sorry.” She was sheepish, and he just shook his head at her with a frown.

“Nothing to be sorry for. You trust my PB&J making abilities?” 

“That depends entirely on if you cut it into triangles or squares.” 

“Oh c’mon, it’s triangles all day,” he scoffed, getting a laugh out of her that had him floating. 

“Then yes, I approve. Do you care if I study while you make them? I just have a few things to go over.”

“Do whatever you gotta do,” he reassured her, moving to open the bread while she went back to her backpack. She was back quickly, with a stack of flashcards in her hands. 

“Here,” he cleared her a spot on the counter next to where he was working. “Sit up here, teach me some stuff.”

“It’s just vocab stuff, nothing interesting.” 

“Just say it outloud, maybe I’ll learn something.”

And so she did, laughing at the way his brows would furrow and the incredulous look he’d give her when it was a particularly long word. He took his time on the sandwiches, moving to cut up two apples and split the rest of the grapes between the two plates that he found after looking through the cabinets. 

He cleared his throat and held out the plate on the palm of his hand. “Bon appetit madam.”

“Why thank you,” she giggled, sitting her cards down and taking it from him gratefully. She stayed perched on the counter and he leaned back against the fridge, taking his own plate in his hands. She complimented the food as she ate, wiggling slightly in the cutest way. Finally, she spoke up.

“Since we’re here, do I get to know what the actual date plan was?”

“Nah, I’m saving that shit for the future,” he smiled, taking the last bite of his sandwich. Even he had to admit it was good despite the slightly stale bread.

“Oh the future huh?” 

“Yeah. Like next week.” 

“I’ll pencil you into my planner then,” she grinned, tossing a few grapes into her mouth. 

“I can’t tell if that’s sarcastic or not.”

“It’s not. Writing everything down keeps me sane I think.”

“Hey, organization is sexy,” he laughed, biting down on an apple slice. 

“Good to know.” Her words were a bit muddled around the bite she had in her mouth, and Grayson put his empty plate aside, content to sit and watch her finish her meal. It was so easy to be around her, and he didn’t second guess anything he did or said - he hadn’t realized until her how much he altered himself around everyone he met.

“10 outta 10 PB&J, I’m impressed,” she smiled at him, moving her plate to the side after a moment. He couldn’t help but notice the tiny bit of jelly clinging to her cheek, purple and sticky against her skin.

“You’ve got a little - here,” he stepped up to her, reaching a hand out and running his thumb over it to get it off. But he didn’t let go - not when she looked up at him with those bright blue eyes, just like the jellyfish on the walls, and then he watched her look at his lips once before he leaned in. 

She tasted sweet, lips soft against his. They were both hesitant, not sure of how far to take it. Short and sweet, they separated and looked at each other. He felt like he could float away when she brought a hand up to his hair and pulled him back in for another. He moved a hand to the counter for leverage, leaning into her as she smiled against him.

“You taste like apples,” she whispered, and then they were both laughing like they had been all night, cheeks and stomachs sore in the best way.

“C’mon you, what do you wanna do with the rest of our date night?”

“We could finish Emperor’s New Groove?” She poised. 

He moved his hands to her waist, pulling her off the counter as she squealed, sitting her on her feet and taking her hand, headed to the living room. Ten minutes later and he was leaned back on the couch, feet up on the coffee table so she could curl up against his bare chest under the blanket while she scrolled through the film, trying to find where they left off.

He hoped that she’d undershoot it - anything to keep them right there, in each other's arms; bliss, as the storm raged on outside.

[kiwi-chloe]

I was tagged by @iamsancho! 😊

1. Name: Chloe

2. Gender: 👸🏽

3. Star sign: Sagittarius

4. Height: I’m not entirely sure, but I feel like I’m slowly shrinking with age! 😩😂

5. Time: 12:10am

6. Birthday: 27th of November

7. Favourite band: The Eagles ❤️

8. Favourite artist: The Boss!

9. Song stuck in my head currently: Go Rest High on that Mountain - Vince Gill

10. Last movie you watched: Blinded by the Light

11. Last series: Last full series would be Schitts Creek, but I’m working through Greys Anatomy again.

12. Blog age: No idea! It’s been around for years haha.

13. Content: A bit of everything!

14. Last Google: You’ll never know 🤫

15. Side blogs: I have a couple of others but I never update them!

16. Do you get asks: Sometimes 😊

17. URL meaning: I’m a kiwi named Chloe...

18. Following: 1746

19. Followers: 1827

20. Average sleep hours: Roughly 6 hours or so on a week night

21. Lucky number: I don’t really have one, but I do like the numbers 11 & 21.

22. Instruments: I have a guitar... that I can’t play haha. I need someone to teach me! Volunteers? 😂

23. Clothes: Mainly skirts and leggings. A lot of band shirts too.

24. Dream job: Travel agent!

25. Dream trip: There are an endless amount of places I want to visit, but top of the list would be Scotland/Ireland.

26. Favourite food: Butter chicken 🤤

27. Nationality: New Zealander!

28. Favourite song: This is a hard one! I’ll say Let It Be Me by Ray LaMontagne

29. Last book: The last one I read in full was Jane Eyre. I really need to read more and probably spend less time on my phone!

So I don’t really know who to tag! 😬 I’ll say @sexuallyfrustr-8-ted @ohnoitsolly @elburtismo @upclassydndname and literally anyone else who feels like doing it! x

[oliviaischillin1204]

Dr. Logan’s New Student- A Fic By @Ticklish-Sides

[note: y’all @ticklish-sides decided to bless us with another fic, and akjdhsjsjhj is all i have to say]

“One, two, three - Doctor, he keeps moving! How can I learn to be a Doctor when our volunteer keeps moving?!”

Logan gave Remus a patient but a stern look. “Now, Remus, remember your bedside manner. How on earth is any patient supposed to relax and let us treat them when you are complaining about how they react. And, besides, can’t you understand our poor volunteer’s plight?” He gently tweaked the hip of their volunteer and smirked at the squeak that came from it. “He has many, many sensitive nerves and we are currently playing with some of his most sensitive.”

“Fuck off,” Virgil laughed, trying his best to wiggle out from underneath Logan who was straddling him and Remus who was sitting on his hands. His shirt was pulled up over his head so his entire torso was on display and his face was hidden but his bright red blush was crawling down his neck. “Both of you, fuck off!”

Logan tsked, shaking his head. “Now, now, Virgil, there is no reason for being so vulgar. You did volunteer for this, remember? Now, let’s see, what was it you said again?” He cleared his throat and said in a teasey imitation of Virgil’s voice, “Logan, Remus, won’t you please choose me as your volunteer for teaching Remus anatomy? Won’t you please pin me down and have Remus count my ribs over and over and over again until you are satisfied with Remus’ performance?" He pulled Virgil’s shirt down and smirked down at Virgil’s bright red face and wobbly smile. "Isn’t that what you said, Virgil?”

Virgil squeaked, screwing his eyes closed tightly and shaking his head. “No! I mean, yes, but I, I didn’t say it like that!”

“He tackled Roman for the right to be our volunteer,” Remus chirped, suddenly clawing down Virgil’s ribs and making Virgil cackle. “I was gonna drag Roman into this but Virgil just tackled him out of the way and said that since Patton got Roman last night, you and you get him tonight!”

“Oh, is that right,” Logan asked, arching an eyebrow up with a smirk. He dragged a finger around Virgil’s belly button, Virgil squirming around as he cackled. “Such an eager volunteer, so excited to teach my future Nurse. It speaks to your character, Virgil, it truly does. But now, we must continue this class. So, Remus, begin again. Remember, it’s perfectly okay to go as slow as you want. No reason to go fast here.”

Remus nodded, his tongue peeking out through his teeth as he frowned in concentration. “Alright, let’s start this again then.” He tasered Virgil’s lowest set of ribs. “One, two- Doctor! He jerked and I lost count!”

Logan smirked down at Virgil who was just lying back on the floor, giggling from the tickles. “No problem. After all, Remus, we have all the time in the world. Start again.”

[succygirl]

Hi! Could you share a little about your studies/what you plan to do when your done? Or if you aren’t sure (which is totally valid!) maybe just a little about your classmates future career paths?

I’m trying to figure out what I want to do career-wise so any thoughts you have would be amazing!

Yeaah, I’m totally not sure honestly! I’d love to actually work in a nursery (but honestly that requires no Hort knowledge at all to start, you can pick it up as you go) but with how my physical health is going I’d be better off staying on a computer or at least not having a 9-to-5 kind of job (I’m literally unable to make it through the day without needing to rest for several hours). I also can’t do any work that requires looking down at all, my neck is in enough pain just from day-to-day ‘I have to look down at papers/eating/writing’ that I can’t do it.

And unfortunately I’m not too close with any of my classmates now. A lot of them are older folks who already had careers and are getting into gardening and such either to take better care of their own yards, or just to have something fun to do on the side. Some have made their own business of fine gardening/maintenance on people’s yards of course, but they’re working for themselves and it’s a very small operation of just them or maybe a friend from class if they need help with something. One of my teachers was also a student in my program herself and was hired by one of the other teacher’s after she graduated and became head of his company’s maintenance department eventually. Of course she then started teaching when she got older. There’s a fair number of guys who were/are in the program specifically for landscape construction but wanted to learn about other things surrounding Hort. We also had people who were there as part of their job, to learn a few more things on company/city time, as they worked for the city’s parks or landscape departments (I don’t remember what specifically they were part of but they were in several construction and irrigation classes all in their work uniforms).

Irrigation was actually very interesting to me, the troubleshooting of systems more than the creating/planning and building of those systems. As long as you’re willing to work odd hours and be ready whenever time someone has an emergency (the pipes/something always goes wrong at like 3 in the morning for irrigation of course) you can make some fair money diagnosing and fixing irrigation problems. My teachers for the irrigation classes were always saying how they didn’t have enough people who could figure out and fix problems on irrigation systems, the figuring out part being the most needed). You do have to go through some troubleshooting steps logically so if you’re not the type that can deduce problems based on data/information then it might not be the best thing for you (Clue is like my favorite fucking board game even though there are definitely people better at it than i am, i still enjoy trying to solve a mystery like that. Same with figuring out IT problems). There’s some very light electrical knowledge needed when irrigation control boxes are involved, and lots of problems happen at a valve box or a control box, but again, as long as you’ve got a logical/mechanical mind it’s pretty easy.

I also very much enjoyed pruning, it can be rather meditative while you’re looking at a tree and thinking about how it will grow depending on where you cut it and how best to cut it to look and grow it’s best. Just have to be careful with going too far and knowing when to stop cutting! Taking just a class or two in pruning can really propel your knowledge very quickly and from there it’s just getting more experience actually cutting trees and learning how they respond to what you’re doing to them. You’d also want to take a few plant ID classes so you’re familiar with what you’re pruning as different plants need to be pruned in different seasons and will respond differently. Or at the very least know how to ID a plant you’re unfamiliar with so you can pull out a plant ID key and figure it out, this would require knowing a bit of plant lingo/anatomy. SO many people need things pruned and lots of people don’t know that certain trees look better when pruned certain ways. Around my area we have lots of Japanese maples which require a different technique to make them look GOOD/architectural/a show piece rather then just a tree. People also have a lot of unskilled gardeners that only know how to “prune��� trees into a lollypop shape, these are usually known as “mow and blow” gardeners (at least in my area?). So having a gardener that knows how to prune a tree? That’s some value (tho those clients who are used to mow and blow prices will probably fight you if you have a higher price but just.... don’t work for those kinds of people honestly. Quality work means it’s more expensive and that’s just how it is).

I’ve also taken pruning classes for roses specifically as there was a rose garden in the park closest to me (before i moved) that needed volunteers for pruning and maintaining it so the park gave free classes for pruning on the assumption you’d be coming in to prune their roses, you got a nifty apron you had to wear so they knew you weren’t just some rando cutting their roses.

Something I can’t do any longer but I also liked doing was drawing landscape plans. I didn’t care so much for designing them but the drawing of them was very meditative for me, focusing on what I’m drawing and how to get the shapes and lines i wanted. But it also involved a bit of math to scale things down to make them fit on the paper size you’re working with. It’s not necessary to know how to draw well but it certainly helps. There are also programs for producing those same landscape drawings on the computer and/or in 3D even. Which is becoming more and more mainstream though there are lots of landscape designers/architects who like drawing it out by hand and will probably pass it off to someone else to get it all into a computer for other people to work with. Many of my classmates were also working on becoming landscape designers or where already providing clients with designs but they didn’t do any of the actually installing themselves. But there were some who were doing small designs and installing them for people (like just doing one flower bed so it wasn’t a huge job but they still had to pick plants and design with colors and water needs in mind).

Almost had a job at a small company that did plant arrangements in pots and such at homes where they’d refresh and maintain those arrangements or change them depending on what the client wanted (ones that lived outside mainly and it was larger estates with multiple potted arrangements decorating their spaces/entryways). Like if they wanted a Christmas themed one for a party or certain colors we’d go out and change them a number of times a year, maintain them, and hook up a drip irrigation system just for those pots. But that fell through when the law around independent contractors changed here in California and would have forced me to be an Employee that needed to have insurance and such payed by the company instead; with the company being so small the owner couldn’t afford that (it was like the owner and her husband and they kept plants and materials at their house in their garage/driveway. They used independent contractors only when they needed to go to the houses to change arrangements on a quarterly schedule).

Hopefully that gave you some things to think about!! If you have any more specific questions fell free to ask them :)

[yoga4ullc]

Yoga Free?

https://www.stephaniespence.com/post/why-do-we-expect-yoga-to-be-free

The title of this article caught my eye and I just had to read it. I agree wholeheartedly with the sentiments expressed by the author, Stephanie Spence.

This has always been such a touchy subject for yoga teachers. Many teachers are afraid to ask for decent wages and end up settling for a subpar fee for teaching classes.

When I first started teaching yoga (2001), I would teach for just about any amount the venue would pay. I needed the experience and to begin building a following. I started teaching in fitness facilities and they are notorious for low wages, unfortunately as the years went by and I received more training and experience, I noticed that my wages did not necessarily reflect my growing experience and student base.

I have been contacted numerous times over the years to offer my services for free. One particular time stands out in my mind… a large corporate Brain Injury Center contacted me (via my website) and asked if I would be willing to teach a class or two a week for their patients. I told them I was interested and when I inquired as to the rate of pay, I was told this was on a volunteer basis. I then inquired if all their patients were offered ‘free’ medical services, or did the Center charge them or their insurance? The person I was talking with seemed a little ‘put-off’ by my question and responded that this was NOT a non-profit facility. I then asked why they were ‘for-profit’, but I was expected to work for free? Needless to say, I never worked for them.

I have absolutely nothing against offering a form of Seva (service) on occasion, but I refuse to be shamed into believing that this should be a regular occurrence. As the article stated, I have spent well over $10,000 on my trainings over the years.

A quality yoga teacher has much more knowledge than just calling out the postures. Most experienced yoga teachers have some knowledge of anatomy, kinesiology, philosophy, and meditation. We should know the contraindications to movement and postures, we can offer postures for healing, stress relief, building strength, stamina, and balance. We know about the subtle energy systems within the body, how to use pranayama (breath), bandha’s (locks), Gunas, Doshas, and we speak some degree of Sanskrit.

Some students may think I go in and spend one hour teaching yoga and that’s all that I have invested in that class. But they don’t see the time I spend sequencing a class just right, so that the student will get the most benefit from that class. The hours of research I do, the readings, quotes, and stories I pour over to offer the students ‘a little something extra’.

I have now entered my 20th year of teaching yoga and I am not doing it for free or for cheap!

When I began my career in the yoga industry, there were few yoga teachers. I was sought out (even though I was barely adequate in the beginning). Now there are a multitude of yoga teachers, teacher trainings pump out newly certified yoga teachers a couple times a year. Online trainings are the norm instead of the exception.

What this means, is that someone looking to hire a yoga teacher has unlimited options. There will always be a yoga teacher looking for work and willing to work for less pay.

Luckily I have never depended on my yoga earnings to maintain a household, I don’t know how any yoga teachers are able to do this without running themselves ragged.

Because I’ve taught for so many years, I’ve invested my time and money into my career, I pick and choose my teaching venues with care.

I no longer feel the least bit guilty for inquiring on the rate of pay right up front when speaking to a potential new employer or asking that I am paid for my time.

If you have a yoga teacher that you respect and have a rapport with, value that teacher because they are probably not making much money. Support them by showing up to class, purchasing your yoga membership, if it is a ‘donation based’ class, offer what you can afford.

With respect to all my students, who have supported me both financially and emotionally through the years. By showing up to classes, workshops, and events, for reading my newsletters, visiting my website, and suffering through my blogs. I thank you and bow to you with much gratitude.

Namaste~

[zhimaqiu]

Suddenly I felt a strong urge to see my favourite school goat Mephedrone. He's such a good boi and adores me. I miss horses too but Mephi always comes to me and demands petting. Like I listen to a teacher and he bonks me with his head and looks at me with those beautiful eyes of his "pEt?" so for the rest of the lesson I stay patting his head. Same with my anatomy teacher's dog. I miss that little troublemaker too.

And I miss anatomy lessons at the basement (we have a lot of students and just there's not enough space hah) where I'm allowed to sit on a window sill...

I miss helping as a volunteer in our school stable.

I even miss that huge annoying black horse who tried to eat me last time.

I my miss school in general.

I miss walking through a park next to it, I miss doing my homework sitting near a little river there and watching if a snake I saw a few times will appear or not. He was so beautiful snek...

I miss eating ice-cream on a bench and watching kids playing in a town fountain with their parents.

I miss ice-skating with my classmates and fooling around with them.

I miss running like crazy where the weather is horrible but I have to go from one school building to another.

I miss a bakery next to a bus stop where I wait for a bus that takes me home.

I miss the sight of my cat that always runs to me when I enter our yard.

I miss going to the cinema, museum or just hanging out in the capital watching people being themselves, playing the violin and the guitar on the streets. Dude, I even miss that old man who was a soldier once and told me his story that I was talking that one time and who tried to teach me play accordion, I hope he's all right.

I hope coronavirus will end up soon. We all miss our lives, our friends and everyday life. But I think thanks to it I realized how happy my lively town makes me and how beautiful it is.

[oceanquill]

‘Til Next Time (1/3?): Reset

Summary: Modern AU. In their next life, they meet again. (Part 1 of 3?)

Part 1: Reset Sasuke can’t quite remember.

For SasuSaku Month 2019 Day 12: Gravitation

–

He was five, and he saw her for the very first time.

He was at the grocery with his mom, and was in the middle of grabbing a tomato. First, there was just a sudden flash of pastel hues at the corner of his eye. When he turned, she was suddenly there, holding one of the fruits too. Pale pink hair. Brilliant green eyes. Sasuke pauses.

She doesn't notice him at all. Unlike him, whose attention she has solely captured without any effort. Her green eyes, in complete contrast with the red fruit, became even more striking. She spoke and it snapped him out of his reverie. "Is this okay?" She held one tomato in her small palm. An older woman appeared in his line of vision. Her mom?

The girl looked up, and their eyes meet. But only for a second. The next thing he knew, his own mom was leading him to the cashier. She said, "Now, Sasuke-kun, we have enough tomatoes already!" But it doesn't register in his head. He looked back at the fruit section. The girl was gone.

–

He didn't think of her again until seven years later when he was on a picnic with his family. For some reason, his mother wanted to celebrate hanami this year, so his father picked the most beautiful spot he has heard of and the very next day, they were in Kyoto, hundreds of miles from home, and surrounded by blooming Sakura trees and an endless field of grass.

He got a tomato from the picnic basket and all at once was sucked into the memory of red against green, and of soft soft pink much like the trees around him. Why was it so familiar? Yet strange? The colors gnawed at his mind, and he tried to pull up a memory, his brows knitting at the effort.

"Sasuke, are you okay?" his brother asked.

Then there was another voice. Smaller but more vivid in his ear. Is this okay?

"Sasuke?" His father now.

He didn't respond until he felt someone's hand on his shoulder. He looked up. Kaa-san...

He nodded. "Sorry I thought I remembered something." 

The day passed as expectedly, but that night he dreamt of walking along endless rows of Sakura trees. Pink falling all around him, landing on his hair, his clothes, his cheek. He doesn't brush them off. The cool petals on his skin feels comforting and familiar.

He didn't know how long he walked but he felt so at peace he never wanted it to end, until he saw, on the horizon, an impossibly large Sakura tree right in the middle of the road, and in front of it, he could make out a figure of a woman in red, her back facing him. He felt the urge to run, to know who she was, so he ran and ran towards the giant tree, but no matter how far he got, he was nowhere closer to it. The mysterious woman in red remained fixed on the horizon, unmoving. 

When he woke up, he was breathing heavily, heart protesting against his chest.

–

He finally meets her, four years later. He is sixteen, and doesn't remember.

"Haruno Sakura." she extends a hand. He shakes it and he feels electricity jolting from the touch. She's a new student at their school.

"Uchiha Sasuke." He nods curtly. He's the president of the student council and was tasked to orient and teach her basic school regulations. It's a week before the new school year begins.

He then shows her around. The gardens. The library. The gym. The cafeteria. The locker room. The auditorium. Their classroom. A strange sense of déjà vu fills him, as if they've walked together like this at another time.

Suddenly, three hours had passed, and they were at the rooftop. The sun is setting. The sky is painted orange and gold.

"This is where the band club usually practices," Sasuke explains. "When they feel that the auditorium gets too stuffy."

She walks towards the railing and looks at the cityscape. "Are you part of any club?" He noted that it's the first personal question she asked that afternoon.

"Apart from the student council," he takes a step beside her. "No. But I do intern for the local newspaper."

"Oh!" she looks at him, impressed. "Planning to become a journalist?"

He shakes his head. "I want to study law."

"Why?"

He doesn't usually like strangers asking him personal questions but with her, he realizes he doesn't mind. "Justice. Laws regulate the system, and I want to help fix that."

She nods at this and returns to looking at the city below them.

He takes a peak at her from the corner of his eye. He begins, "What about... what about you?"

She smiles when she turns to him, and Sasuke feels an ache in his chest. Something gnaws in his mind. "Definitely, a doctor. Ever since I could speak and walk, all I wanted was to be called Dr. Haruno Sakura," she laughs. "You know, all my stuffed toys were my patients, and my parents would play pretend with me. I grew up volunteering at various medical missions. I was just packing first aid kits when I started. Doing menial work for senior medical staff, you know, just delivering things, and what not. But it was fun!"

Her eyes were beaming now, and Sasuke found it impossible to look away. "Do you still volunteer?" he asks.

"Of course!" she chirped. "The work is tiring but fulfilling, though it's just basic stuff." She tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. "I can't wait to work at a hospital though!"

Before he could stop himself he blurts out, "You'll be great at it." And he means it. He knows for an absolute fact that she will be an amazing doctor someday, despite knowing her for less than a day.

A smile blooms on her face, her cheeks tainted pink. Sasuke stares and stares and stares, his mouth partly open.

"Thank you, Sasuke-kun."

–

He is drawn to her, he notices. They are in the same class, and though their seats are far apart, his eyes look for her often, his ears attuned to the sound of her voice. And oh, her laughter. He likes hearing it every day.

She's amazing at every subject, and quickly becomes all the teachers' favorite. She's nice and always quick to lend a hand, and so she instantly becomes popular at school too. Not to mention she's beautiful. Surprisingly, he doesn't see her often with people, nor does she hang out with any particular group. She mostly tends to herself, reading, and almost always at the library. Like him.

"Hey, Sasuke-kun!" Suddenly, Sakura is there in front of him. Sasuke closes his book.

"Yeah?" She has his complete attention.

"It's 7 p.m., the library is closing." He's surprised to learn this. Has he been here that long? "Are you going to check that out?" She asks, pointing at his book, Introduction to Moral Philosophy.

"Light reading, huh?" she grins and shows him her book, Exploring Human Anatomy. He can't help but feel amused. He looks at the window and sees that it's dark out. "Aa. Let's go."

He grabs his bag and checks out his book, Sakura falling into step beside him. They walk in silence towards the waiting shed. He takes out his phone and sends a text. He sees her do the same.

When they reached the shed, he is surprised to hear her say, "See you, Sasuke-kun!"  and she turns her heel towards the opposite direction, but before she could take a step he grabs her wrist. She turns around, startled, and looks at the hand keeping her in place.

"Sakura, where are you going?" he doesn't let go.

"Uh... Walking home?"

"You're not getting picked up?"

"I like to walk home every night. It's calming, and I like to think." she smiles reassuringly.

His eyes narrow at this. It's dangerous, he thinks. You never know...

"My brother will be here soon. We'll drive you home."

"W-wha..." she waves her free hand dismissively. "It's fine, really, Sasuke-kun!"

"I insist."

"B-but!"

He let's go of her wrist. "Sakura..." He gives her a look, and they both fall silent. Then he hears the sound of a car stop in front of them. A window rolls down and Sasuke hears the voice of his brother.

"Sasuke," Itachi says in greeting. "Let's go." He notices his little brother is not alone.

"Who's that? Is that Sasuke's friend?" Hearing the voice of his mother, he turns to the car and sees his mother already outside walking towards him. "Kaa-san, do you mind if we drive Sakura home?"

The girl in question smiles sheepishly at them. "Konbanwa, Uchiha-san." She bows in greeting. "There is really no need–"

"Nonsense!" Uchiha Mikoto pats her shoulder. "We insist! It's no trouble for us at all! Now what kind of mother would I be if I let a lovely girl like you walk all the way home and alone?" The next thing Sasuke knew, Sakura was being escorted–pushed, really–by his mother towards their car. He opens the door for Sakura and shuts it when she is seated inside. He goes to the other side of the car and does the same for his mother in the front seat before he finally gets in, seating beside Sakura at the back.

Sasuke introduces her to them. She gives her address and thanks them profusely.

"Oh Sakura, dear, it's quite alright!" He's glad that his mother is so warm, hopefully, it will make Sakura feel less of an intrusion. They really didn't mind after all, her house wasn't too far anyways.

"So..." his mother begins, and Sasuke can't help but feel slightly nervous. To steady himself, he looks out the window, resting his cheek on his palm, trying to look bored. "Have you thought of your future plans yet, Sakura-chan?"

He glances at Sakura at the corner of his eye. Seeing her perk up at his mother's question, Sasuke can't help but smile to himself. "I'm going to medical school for sure. It has been my dream since childhood."

For some reason, Sasuke's chest swells with pride. Then he feels someone's eyes on him. He looks towards the rearview mirror and meets his brother's eyes. Itachi gives him a look and smirks. Sasuke abruptly turns away, forcing himself to focus on something outside the car window. He feels a blush creeping on his cheeks.

"That's great!" Mikoto claps her hands together. "Did you know Sasuke-kun here wants to become a lawyer?"

Sasuke flinches at the sound of his name. But doesn't bother joining the discussion. But oh was he listening.

"Yeah, he told me when I first met him!"

"Ah when was that?"

"Just this school year, right before classes began. I'm a new student so Sasuke had to show me the ropes!"

"How nice of you, otouto." Sasuke feels a vein pop at his brother's teasing voice. Sakura tells them happily about her former school, and how she has been there since she started studying.

"If you don't mind my asking, why transfer here?"

"Oh umm..." Sasuke was still looking outside the window, but he could hear the shyness in her voice. "I got a full scholarship, and this school has the highest passing rate to my dream university."

"Wow, Sakura-chan! That's amazing. Oh Sasuke you didn't tell us you had such an brilliant friend!"

"Hn," is his only response. This car ride feels five times longer than it actually is.

"Well," he could feel her gaze on him now. "You should see Sasuke too! Student council president and still he finds time to study in the library every night." He turns his head towards her, and sure enough she is looking at him. Sakura sticks her tongue out. "I'm just trying to catch up to him."

He smirks at her, "Not every night."

"Ah of course! We all know how much effort Sasu-chan puts into his work..."

Sasuke turns red. "Mother..." Mikoto could only chuckle at this.

Sakura laughs at his nickname. Sasuke, turning even redder, returns to his window. Much to his relief, he feels the car slow into a halt.

"Well, here's my stop!" Sakura thanks everyone again and says goodbye. Sasuke refuses to look at her. He just can't at this state.

"Won't you join us for dinner next time, Sakura?" Itachi offers. 

"We'd love to have you, Sakura-chan!" Mikoto adds, deepening Sasuke's blush.

"Sure!" Sakura thanks his mother and brother once more, adding that it was great to meet them.

Sasuke then finds the courage to turn his head towards her. She was looking at him, smiling that annoying smile of hers. She beams. "Thanks again, Sasuke-kun, for the ride home. See you tomorrow!" She doesn't wait for him to respond and closes the door. But that's alright with him, because he doesn't think he could.

"Such a sweet girl..." Mikoto says wistfully as they drive away. He even sees his brother nod and smile to himself in agreement.

What's with these two? Sasuke thinks. His mother was so eager to get to know her, and even his brother showed a bit of interest, which was big coming from him. They've never acted that warmly to any friend of his before. They just spent no more than 10 minutes with her and yet she managed to worm her way into their hearts, earning her a rare dinner invitation.

Sasuke sighs heavily.

"Are you okay, dear?" He's startled out of his thoughts, turning his head to his mother looking back at him from the front seat.

Sasuke shrugs. "Just hungry, I guess..." But he doubts it's just that.

"What do you think of Sakura?" Itachi looks at him through the rearview mirror, a playful glint in his eye.

Sasuke scoffs, "What about her?"

His mother chuckles at his tone. "She feels familiar. Maybe we've met before."

"That's impossible, kaa-san." Itachi points out. "Surely we would've remembered her pink hair."

Sasuke tries to drown out their conversation. He looks at the city lights outside his window. All he wants now is to be alone in his room. The thought of Sakura eats him. Unaware, his fingers start drumming the edge of his seat. His brows knitting in frustration.

Something in the back of his mind is gnawing on him again.

"True." He hears his mother laugh. Sasuke glances at her then at his brother.

"You know, Sasuke-kun," his mother says after a while. "It's strange but..." she pauses, struggling to formulate words in her mind.

But then the car stops, and Itachi announces, "We're home."

Sasuke immediately opens his car door and makes his way inside their house. He doesn't even wait for either of them.

Mikoto stares and smiles at Sasuke's retreating back, then turns to her eldest. "Don't you feel it, Itachi-kun?"

Itachi raises a curious brow at her. "What is it, kaa-san?" Mikoto links her arms to her son's as they walk.

"It's Sakura." She stops in front of their still open door. "I feel like I was supposed to meet her at some other time." She smiles at the thought. "But for some reason I didn't get the chance to."

Itachi mulls her mother's words carefully. "If that's the case," he responds after a while, "we better make sure Sasuke does invite her for dinner one time."

Mikoto beams at this. "I'm sure your father would love that too."

–

note: Slow start but we’ll see where this goes... Thank you to everyone who has read my first SSM entry. The response has been overwhelming. :)

Part 2 here

[paging-dr-bowen]

Tips for Mastering Third Year of Medical School

Welcome to short white coat glory! Just to nip it in the bud…it won’t be anything like Gray’s Anatomy haha.  Now it’s time to put in action all the medical knowledge you’ve absorbed from your books and lectures during the past two years.  Initially you’ll feel like you have a brain fart when being asked the simplest of questions but don’t worry, some of that is nerves.  Here are a few of my pearls of wisdom:

1. Be timely. If sign out or report time is 7am, arrive by 6:45am the latest. You want to give yourself time to settle in as well as make a great impression with your team (Attending and residents). If you think it is going unnoticed, trust me it is not. This will be reflected in your rotation evaluation as well as future letters of recommendations you might request. 2. Compartmentalize information: book knowledge vs. ‘on the wards’ knowledge.  You’ll learn early on which information is highly testable but sort of useless on a day to day while practicing actual medicine. It is imperative that you learn both types of information because you need to ace your exams as well as practice medicine the way doctors do in reality. 3. Get involved, be present and show initiative. Your team is aware that you are a medical student, but they expect you to be a part of the team not a spectator. Go above and beyond the expectations of following up on your one or two patients and presenting your History and Physical. Ways you can do that is by volunteering to draw labs for the patients that have pending labs (if you don’t know how to do so you can ask an intern to show you/teach you or politely ask a nurse if he/she can assist you when they have some free time). Check the electronic medical records for updates on the patients you are following as well as the rest of the patients on the team’s list. Call the pharmacy to do medication reconciliation for a patient who doesn’t recall what home medication they are on.  If you are unsure of how you can help your team, always ask ‘is there anything I can do to help’. 99% of the time there will be something you can do. When there is absolutely nothing to do you can use that time to study. 4. Create your study plan early on in the rotation for the shelf exam. Divide the number of weeks allotted for the rotation with the amount of questions to complete for UWORLD.  Your goal should be to complete the questions once with a second pass doing the incorrect questions. Don’t get discouraged if your UWORLD scores are low, you got it wrong now and you have reviewed the concept...the idea is you wont get it wrong on test day. Try to do the questions under timed conditions and when you are reviewing make sure you understand why the answer is correct/incorrect vs. the other possible answer choices. Another resource used during clinical rotations is OnlineMedEd which is a free online lecture series geared towards high yield topics in each field (Surgery, OBGYN, Medicine etc.). He is great with simplifying otherwise hard to understand concepts as well as highlighting topics people commonly get pimped on by attending physicians. Other resources are Master the Boards, StepUp to Medicine and CaseFiles.  You can skim through them for further explanation on a topic you are having difficulty with but I do not suggest wasting precious time trying to read them cover to cover.  Closer to the date of your shelf exam, I suggest completing the NBME forms in testing conditions and using them to assess your readiness for the exam.  Make sure to thoroughly review the answers because these are the topics you will see on exam day. 5. Give each rotation a fair chance. While rotating try to identify parts of the field you like vs. parts you don’t like.  Think to yourself, does this bring me joy? Can I envision myself doing this for the rest of my life? Third year might feel draining due to the 60-hour work week sans a paycheck, lack of vacation time and frequent testing but it is the time where you identify what type of doctor you want to apply to be for the next year’s Match. 6. Things to bring with you daily: snacks that are non-perishable to put in your white coat pockets (granola bar, nuts, squeezable apple sauce), pens, white board clipboard to store patient information (buy on Amazon), Chapstick, phone charger, earbuds, pocketbook of medicine if you like it, hair ties if you have long hair, comfy shoes, a clean ironed white coat, stethoscope and a smile with a positive attitude :)

[froggybaek]

healing - seo changbin

♛➩ genre: angst, mega fluff, a dash of suggestiveish content that lasts for .5 seconds, single dad!au

♛➩ pairing: fem!reader x changbin

♛➩ warnings: mentions of death, disease

♛➩ summary: you’ve known seo changbin since your high school years. back then, he was surrounded by proud teachers, parents, classmates, and a wonderful girlfriend; now, he only has his little bundle of joy, a cousin from australia who barely knows how to manage a microwave, and you.

♛➩ word count: 9.2k

Seo Changbin has always been an enigma.

While you hadn’t been as lucky as others in being able to claim that you had known the mysterious boy since your elementary school days, you were able to make it known to the few friends you had that you got to witness his heydays; namely the four year period of high school.

You had been in the same year as Changbin, hell you happened to share a couple of classes over those four years with him. Anytime you needed to interact with him, more so assigned projects and less actual friendship related endeavors, you would find yourself stunned with his sheer intellect and determination to get an assignment done with the highest marks possible. If it hadn’t been for his endearing persistence in your music theory class - well, you probably would’ve been gifted with a big, fat F on your final report card before graduation.

However, Seo Changbin was not only remarkably intelligent; he was also incredibly friendly and helpful to just about everyone. Some folks with sour expressions and singed hearts tried to put down his accomplishments and overwhelming popularity, making rumors that he only acted so kind because it would literally be his job in the future. Obviously they might have held a teaspoon of truth to their stingy words, but it was even more obvious that Changbin was just a good person in general.

He liked to volunteer in his very, very thin amount of spare time; there wasn’t one set space for him to go, he just kind of showed up - everywhere. One time, you had spotted him volunteering at an animal shelter, cooing at a three-legged dog while he cradled a malnourished looking kitten in his arms. Another occasion you’d seen him volunteering was after you’d visited your grandfather at the retirement center, only to enter the common area and watch with a warm smile as Changbin danced with a pair of graying women, who had been giggling like young schoolgirls.

So, that was one spectrum of the boy that most everyone knew about. Some claimed that he had to have a sort of photographic memory, since he apparently didn’t need to study all that much to ace his hardest classes; which included the terrifying likes of anatomy and advanced placement chemistry. Those who said that he didn’t study much tended to trail off and make small talk of how they thought he did producing of all things on the side. While you knew the dark haired boy had an augmented creative side, you also knew very well that anyone aspiring to become a medical student had to focus mostly on their coursework - even if they had an impeccably large IQ.

You figured that was why he was so kind, even during the most stressful weeks of school. After all, committing your future career to become a nurse or a doctor was a difficult task that would likely lead someone to deal with even more difficult people. He would have to train himself to be patient and understanding, right?

Well, you wouldn't know. For one, you weren't all too close with him to make any sort of claim about either him or his dreams. Secondly, you were veering a great distance away from anything related to the field of medicine - you just wanted a simple job that involved kids.

That isn't to say you wanted kids of your own anytime soon, you just happened to get along with the vast majority of them quite easily, and they were entertaining in themselves. Surely a teaching career wouldn't be too far off the mark.

In any case, it was easy to say that you and Changbin were miles apart - from what little you knew about him, that is.

And that gap was only made larger not even a few months after your graduation.

“Morning babe.” Mark Lee hummed as he walked into the classroom, or studio, for lack of a better term. The brunette boy carried not only his giant backpack that was filled to the brim with textbooks and art supplies, but also a handful of snacks and two cups of - honestly you weren't sure. He tended to randomly pick and choose the drinks you would share during art class, so you could never be too sure what the next beverage could be.

You offer your friend a small wave of greeting, holding a hand out to grab the black reusable bag and one of the drinks from his trembling hands while he struggled to sit down in the chair next to yours. “Good morning, glasses.”

He whined at your choice nickname for him - all the while pushing his wide glasses farther up the frame of his nose. “I - will ignore your crude and very unimaginative nickname for once, because I have some tea to spill-”

“Please, for my sanity and your own, never say that out loud again.” You murmur in a monotone voice, bringing the lid of the cup up to your lips and taking a quick sip.

Hmm... hot chocolate with marshmallows. Delicious.

“- as I was saying until I was rudely interrupted,” he continued without missing a beat, though you happened to catch how he beamed gleefully at your small thumbs up to thank him for the hot chocolate, “do you remember Seo Changbin from school? You know, the kid that got like, three scholarships to colleges in America?”

“Yeah, I remember him. Why?”

Mark plops down in his seat, rustling in his bag to dig out his art supplies before the bell rang. “I found out from Lucas that his girlfriend got pregnant maybe two or three months before our finals. She gave birth to their kid about a week ago and she uh -...” He trails off quietly, too quietly for your liking.

“What? Mark, I didn't catch that last part.”

He gulps and looks up from the depths of his heavy backpack, nervously nibbling on his bottom lip before he meets your confused gaze.

“She died during the delivery.”

————————————————————————

Finding out that someone you knew had passed away was never fun. Even if you barely knew them, just remembering that they had at some point been part of your life - that was enough to have you slumped over in your seat for the next few days in each and every class.

She had been bright and always so full of life, as much as a high school student could be, anyway. The girl had her life planned ahead for the next ten years, from schools, to parties, even to when she would get married; and she had wanted so desperately to marry Seo Changbin.

While no one had expected the pair to actually stay together for the past three years of life, they had stuck to it as best as they possibly could for a young, naïve couple. Sure, they did have their ups and downs, like the time where she and Changbin argued in the middle of lunch about how he forgot one of their date nights; but then again, what was a relationship if there weren't a few mishaps here and there?

Around the middle of senior year, rumors had started to spread like wildfire around the school. People were speculating if Changbin would go off to America for his studies and leave his girlfriend behind, or if he would stay at home in South Korea just to be with her. Others, the more pessimistic ones to say the least, pondered crudely if he would dump her and leave without another word to the foreign country for their schools.

From what Mark had told you, Changbin had been planning to stay with his girlfriend - in a long distance relationship, that is. She hadn't been too thrilled with the idea of him going alone with no “evidence,” so to speak, of their being in love. Apparently she had actually been getting ready to propose to him instead of the more common, traditional route.

She never got to propose.

Instead, she had fallen pregnant with his child unexpectedly. She had begged Changbin to stay so they both could be real parents to their child, and he had quietly agreed. By then, they had started to fall out of love, even with their unborn child resting in her belly for nine months.

And then... then she had died, leaving their newborn baby girl in the arms of a now lonely Seo Changbin.

After you figured you had somewhat recovered from the shocking news, just about two weeks later, you’d debated on personally calling or messaging the man to express your condolences. For hours you sat in the rickety chair that rested in front of your desk, staring blankly at the screen of your laptop. For hours your gaze flickered back and forth between the text box that indicated you wanted to message the man and the now empty profile of his social medias.

Once the fourth hour had passed, you gave up and stood up, stretching before you went to shut your laptop - then you thought about how you would feel in his situation.

You would wish for anyone to express their condolences, right?

Wouldn't you want to know that someone else cared, that someone else was there for you?

Then, still standing in quite the strange, hunched over position, you reopened your silver laptop and typed the first words that came to mind.

‘She was a wonderful person, you know. She would be so glad that your baby is safe with her father.’

————————————————————————

“I’m sorry, you did what now?”

“I said that I - well um, funny story, actually! I might have, possibly, maybe, perhaps... let Chenle and Jisung monitor the toddlers?”

You let out a deep sigh of pure disbelief, running a hand through your hair before you ended up losing what little sanity you could possibly have left after such a long day of work. “So... you're telling me that you let the two youngest volunteers, who are practically toddlers themselves, watch over our own toddlers all alone for the past hour?”

The brunette shifting on his feet in front of you nodded quickly, offering a nervous yet cheerful smile as if it could magically make you forgiven his less than intelligent decision.

“Mark, I know that they’re your friends and you trust them dearly, but as volunteers they aren’t allowed to be by themselves with any of the kids under eight years old.” You explained to your coworker and friend, feeling a drop of guilt when his lips turned into a classic pout and his eyes drooped from his scolding. “I won’t tell Jongdae this time, okay? Just go watch over those two and I’ll handle the front desk for you.”

He glances up at you from where he’d been staring sadly at the carpeted floor, his shining brown gaze brightening up again at your soft words. “R-really? You would take over my spot just so I don’t get in trouble?”

“You’ve covered for me god knows how many times, dude. Don’t worry about it. I’d supervise the little demons myself, but I kind of want to get some homework done while I can.” You admit with a careless shrug, moving forward to playfully ruffle his already messy brown hair. “Hurry up before he gets back and sees whatever mess they’ve probably made.”

The boy (well, technically “man,” but you couldn’t really see him as one since you were the same age and still mostly acted like willy teenagers) practically bounces on the heels of his feet, all the while showing you his undying appreciation by vigorously spurting out soft thank-you’s.

Once he shuts the white, wooden door painted with a daft excuse of a sunflower behind him and enters the toddler room, you walk over to the front desk of the daycare and slump over in the rolling chair. The material is a bit worn and not too comfortable, but it would suffice for the next couple of hours while you worked on some sociology homework that might have been a few days late.

Since it is only the middle of the day, just half an hour past lunchtime, you weren’t really expecting anyone to walk into the daycare. When the dingy bell hung above the front door let out an all too familiar, but also unexpected sound, you nearly jumped out of your skin in surprise.

Now stood in front of the front desk, just a good two feet away from you, stands a man who looks a tad familiar. His entire ensemble reminds you of a middle schooler who just found out about Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco, which probably would've made you snort in amusement at any other moment.

But this man - if he was one, since he looked eerily young, somewhat similar to how you viewed Mark Lee, pulled off the all black look perfectly. His black undershirt had an odd white signa, likely belonging to a business or brand, stitched into the presumed cotton material. The man wore worn, ink colored jeans that were somewhat baggy around his legs, but not sleazily slouched; and his undershirt was tucked into the waistband, too.

Clutching onto his leather jacket, which was also, unsurprisingly, a dark black hue, was a baby. No, not a toddler or a clingy child, but a baby who couldn’t be more than a few months old - not with how small and chubby its fingers were, and certainly not with how the poor man had dribbles of what looked like milk running down the shoulder of his jacket.

“Um - hi,” you breathe out after an awkward moment of silence, offering the tired looking man a warm smile, “how can I help you?”

“I - I was wondering if-” his words are cut off by a loud wail from the baby in his arms. Squirming about with the little tot, he clearly struggles to try and calm it down, hissing in pain when it gums on one of his fingers. “Shit - no, I mean shoot - do you guys w-watch over babies?”

The raven haired man continues to try and calm the baby down, but to no avail.

“We do, don't worry... not to pry, but are you - are you a new father?” The question slips past your lips before you can overthink them, as you usually do, according to most of your friends and coworkers. When he only nods in reply, you can’t help but chuckle softly under your breath.

The rolling chair slides backwards as you push yourself up from the bottom cushion, making an insignificant ‘thump’ against the back shelving unit. You walk out from behind the desk and end up right next to the panicking father, lips curled into a sweet smile. “Can I try something?”

He glances wearily between you and his crying baby, which did make you wonder what had to be going through his head if he was so hesitant to entrust his little one with a stranger even though he had first come inside just to make sure your center also took in babies.

“... sure, go ahead.” The stranger eventually caved and gave in, carefully handing off his precious little bundle of joy off to your waiting arms.

You’d handled babies countless times since you were the one in charge of them most of the time in the daycare, not to mention when you were younger you babysat the little ones quite often. So, handling this cute, wide-eyed baby was nothing foreign to you. Gently curling it up into the crook of your arms, you swayed back and forth like a ship at sea being swaddled by gentle ocean waves.

In no time at all, the baby had calmed down, its previous wailing cries now replaced by adorable cooing. “Boy or girl?” You ask the man quietly, still grinning warmly as your gaze met that of his baby’s.

“She’s a girl - her name is Eden.”

One of your eyebrows shoots up in surprise at the name, as it wasn’t natively Korean in any sense of the word. Seeing your interested and confused expression, the man rubs one of his arms and continues, “my cousin helped me name her. He’s Australian, so he kinda only gave me English names.”

“What about her mother? Did the missus not have any say in this matter?” You tease the stranger, looking over to him, expecting to see a flushed or embarrassed grimace on his tired features.

Yet, all you see is grief.

“Eden’s mother... she died giving birth to her.”

“I - I’m so sorry, sir,” you murmur sympathetically, furrowing your eyebrows at how strange it is to know of two cases such as his own in just the span of half a year, “I... well I wasn’t close to the mother or father, but I knew of a girl who died during childbirth as well. It’s absolutely awful.”

“Damn, I knew I looked different, but I didn't think it was that bad.” He snorts dryly, his deep brown eyes flickering all across your face.

Confusion etches itself across your features. “I’m sorry?”

“It’s me, Changbin. We uh, went to the same high school,” he explains to you, watching closely as your lips fall open into a surprised ‘oh’ shape, “you sent me a message ages ago, saying that... that she’d be happy since Eden still has her dad.”

He was right - he really had changed. Physically, that is.

When he walked in, you hadn't even been able to recognize the boy who just graduated along with the rest of your class a mere eight months ago. You were so used to his freshly shaven face and smooth, shining skin with full cheeks that reminded you of a junior named Han Jisung. Back then, he had short, black hair that was in an undercut, perfectly framing his face.

Now, Changbin had stubble that only added on to his tired persona, complimenting the faded purple bags sunken under his once bright, gleeful eyes. His cheeks, once round and full like a squirrel’s, were sharp and somehow sunken at the same time.

“Thank you, by the way,” Changbin muttered, “for the message. I mostly got half-assed texts saying they were sorry for my loss. Yeah, they meant well, but - no one besides you said anything about Eden only having me.”

“She’s very lucky you know,” you begin to reply, glancing back down at the baby girl staring up at you innocently, “to have someone like you as her father.”

“Someone... like me?”

You nod at his questioning, almost conflicted tone of voice. “Of course. From what I remember, the Seo Changbin I sort of knew in high school was so intelligent that he had over seven offers from universities around the world, just for medical school. He also volunteered, like, everywhere and made it his job to make sure everyone he met was happy.”

His eyebrows furrow as if he was in deep thought, clearly contemplating your kind, comforting words.

“I’m afraid to say it, but that side of me died a long time ago.” He replies shortly, coldly, leaving you no possible way to continue to conversation without it becoming awkward.

What had happened to him?

————————————————————————

Daycares were naturally very, very loud settings. You knew that, Mark knew that, just about everyone understood that single factor when signing up to work at the decently sized childcare center just down the street of the local elementary school.

That didn't mean that you were used to it, though.

“Eden? Eden - sweetie, we don’t eat crayons.” You exhale tiredly through your nose as you pick up the brunette haired girl in your arms once again, pushing aside the twinge of guilt that strikes your heart when she lets out a pitiful whine.

It was like she knew that she was your favorite of the bunch, always whining whenever you lightly scolded her for her wrongdoings. She was only a year and three months old, but she wasn’t lacking in the intellect department by any means. If anything, she had the mind of a two or three year old toddler, constantly testing your patience to see how far you would let her go.

Whilst you carry the girl in your arms, gently hoisting her up so her rounded chin rested on your shoulder, you could faintly hear Chenle and Jisung crying out over the most recent mess in the art room. From what Jaemin had told you, Eden had literally led a pack of older children into said art room and somehow found it in herself to convince them to paint - but not on the papers laid out appropriately on the desks, no; rather, they painted on the floor and the walls.

One of the older children, a six year old called Eunwoo, had promptly explained that Eden’s babbled words were law to them. She had pointed to the paint sets, then the walls, and let out a cute giggle followed by incoherent noises of pure joy. To them, that meant ‘paint everything you can!’

How her dad never gave into her oh so persuasive babbles, you would never know - simply because you occasionally fell for them, too.

“So she’s resorted to trying to snack on blue and green crayons, huh?”

Speak of the devil.

“She sure has. She has also become the leader of the other kids, according to my knowledge.” You laugh in an exhausted amusement, smiling tiredly as you turn to face Changbin himself.

He looked as utterly exhausted as you felt, truly. Not that you particularly blamed the man, since he had just arrived back from working at the mechanics shop, which was already a good hour drive away from the daycare center. And just this morning, he had to make a run to another part-time job he had at the gas station closest to the middle school a few blocks away.

To put it simply, he overworked himself, constantly. While his cousin’s parents from Australia did their best to send him checks every now and then, they did still have their own family to take care of - and neither his parents or the grandparents of Eden felt the need to support him.

It was awful and cruel, in your honest opinion; how both families treated their son and granddaughter, like they were sticks in the mud. Changbin’s parents claimed that he disappointed them the second they found out he was going to drop out of any scholarship opportunities to raise Eden, and truth be told her mother’s own parents were too stricken with grief to even look at her.

Since he had no time at all to actually go to school, Changbin ended up taking three different jobs all at once just so he could support his little ball of sunshine. Anyone could see the mental exhaustion that seemed to just radiate off of him most of the time - well, except when he was with his daughter.

Whenever he was able to have time with her, its like he had the whole world in the palms of his hands. Changbin would give up everything for Eden with no hesitation, even his own dignity and respect.

“Alright sunshine, you need to say sorry to Miss Y/N,” Changbin cooed to his little girl as he scooped her up carefully from your grasp, his previously cold, almost haunting gaze switching into one of warmth and pure love, “come on baby, say sorry.”

Eden parted her lips, and for a split second the two of you shared a look of excitement - would she finally say her first word?

Then a bit of drool dribbled down her chin, not a single word or even a babble to show that she had heard her father’s encouraging plights.

“Ah, f-fudge... totally not a bad word. Nope.” Changbin nearly missed cursing, having sheepishly caught sight of your narrowed eyes when he stuttered on the dreaded ‘f-word.’

“Once she starts picking up on the things you say - and almost say, Eden will only repeat whatever her dear dad says,” you hum knowingly as you scooch closer to the pair, gently wiping the drool off of the brunette baby’s chin, “hey, isn’t her doctor’s appointment today? Or am I confusing it with next Monday?”

The man in question is about to reply when you unconsciously use the dainty yellow tissue just on his daughter’s chin to wipe off the string of drool that had fallen onto his stained blue shirt. When he doesn’t respond for a moment, you tilt your head up and quickly recognize the faint flush to his cheeks.

You should probably move your hands off of his chest - which... was pretty broad; snap out of it!

Without a word you step back, nearly stumbling in your sudden moment of sheer embarrassment. As if he too had snapped out of his stunned daze, Changbin clears his throat and nods. “I - erm, yeah no; it’s today. I have to take her home and give us both a quick bath before we go, though.”

You nod your head, willing your cheeks to not flush a deep red color as he talks. Why in the world has he suddenly gotten you so flustered and riled up?

“Hopefully it’s just an ear infection and nothing too serious,” he added, “I really don’t know if I can handle more bills, you know?”

Eden wriggles in his arms, slowly becoming restless. He leans down and softly kisses her button-nose, a cute action that always resulted with the baby giggling and grasping at her father’s cheeks.

“I doubt it is anything serious, Changbin. Don’t forget, a lot of the kids tend to get some sort of pesky infection this time of year.” You try to reassure the worried, tense man, offering him a gentle smile when he glances back up from his daughter to you.

He pauses for a second, digesting your reassuring words before he mimics your small smile, a sight that was rare to see from the normally stoic man. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I guess it’s just the first time jitters, then.” Changbin chuckles softly, readjusting his now yawning child so she could rest her puffy face in the crook of his neck.

“Call m- I mean, call the front desk if she does have an infection, please. We want to keep everything extra sanitized if any of the kids get sick.”

Nice save.

His chapped lips twitch into a hint of an amused smirk upon catching wind of your stammer, but he doesn’t call you out on it; thankfully enough. “I will, don’t worry Y/N. Hopefully both of us will see you tomorrow.” He hums, using his fingers to guide Eden’s hand into making a tiny wave before they leave, the glass door swinging shut behind them.

————————————————————————

Two weeks have passed since then with no call from Changbin. You were a bit worried, to say the least, constantly waiting at the front desk for the call that should have gone through days ago. Your co-workers kept insisting that it was no big deal, that maybe she was sicker than believed and had to stay home while she recovered.

“Think about it, Y/N - he’s still pretty new at this whole dad thing. He probably got so worked up about making sure Eden is recovering well enough that he just... forgot to call.”

That was what Mark had said, but you just couldn’t shake this awful gut feeling stirring in your stomach; something felt wrong. You hoped dearly that you were wrong, obviously. You hoped and hoped and hoped that Changbin and Eden were just fine, maybe taking time off if she was, in fact, sick, or perhaps her dotting dad had randomly taken them off on a trip for whatever reason. While the former was less likely considering his financial issues, it was all your fried brain could possibly think of.

On the fourteenth day of playing the waiting game, you just about caved and looked into the records so you could potentially call Changbin yourself - but then the phone rings, startling you so much that you nearly toppled out of the rolling chair you’d been sat in the past three hours.

You lunge to the blue phone, though you don’t answer it until you manage to properly compose yourself - you didn’t know who the caller was, but you didn’t want said caller to hear your hitched breath and voice tainted with worry.

With another deep breath, you recollect yourself and bring the phone up to your ear. “H-hello, this is Chen’s Daycare Center! How may I help you?”

“Uh, is Y/N working today?” An unfamiliar voice rings out in the speaker, causing you to quirk an eyebrow, since it sounded a bit younger than you expected - and pretty damn deep, too. “I’m Seo Changbin’s cousin, he’s Seo Eden’s dad. This is kind of important.”

“Actually, I’m Y/N - you’re Felix, right? Changbin has mentioned you before.”

The boy breathes out in what sounds like relief on the other line. “Yeah, that’s me! I don’t really have a lot of time, sorry, but there’s something... well, not wrong, but - ah fuck, I’m so bad at this,” Felix huffs, pausing to collect the words he needed to say, “basically, Eden is sick. I’m watching her right now while Bin is working, and no one else will pick up their fucking phone. Could you maybe come by his apartment, please?”

Eden is sick.

Changbin left his cousin home alone to watch Eden - while she’s sick.

Eden is sick.

You would really have to pay Jaemin and Mark back after today. “Of course! What’s the address?”

————————————————————————

You couldn’t believe that you were standing right outside of Seo Changbin’s apartment. You couldn’t comprehend that you, of all people, were knocking on the front door, snorting in amusement at the deep accented voice of his own cousin calling out with a, “just a second!”

In the corner of your wandering gaze, you smile to yourself at the sight of colorful chalk strewn onto the concrete wall of the hallway on the second floor. It was evident that Eden had drawn the pastel pink and royal blue flower and sharp green grass, and it was even more obvious by the straighter, less messy lines of the bright yellow sun and poofy white clouds that her dad had drawn that section of the cute little portrait.

Eden, unlike the other rather mischievous kids at the daycare center, preferred to messily draw on the walls instead of the floor. This quirky little trait even transpired at home, as well.

You turn back to the front door when it finally swings open, revealing a boy who couldn’t have been a year older than you or Changbin. Felix - yes, that was his name, if you remembered correctly.

Even though he was a tad bit sweaty and clearly out of breath, Felix’s ginger hair with slightly darker brown roots was somehow swept into a perfect swoop, his freckled cheeks a little flushed and red.

How adorable.

“H-hi, you must be Y/N,” he breathed out a warm greeting, not hesitating to let you wander inside the apartment before he quietly closed and locked the front door behind you, “uh, b-before you do anything, I should exp-”

“Eden!” You hum in pure joy as you walk over to where the curly haired girl was sat on a wool carpet, her back facing you. You hadn’t meant to interrupt the poor boy, but going a solid two weeks without seeing the little tyke had deprived you more than you thought possible. “Hey sweetheart, it’s Miss Y/N!”

She didn’t turn at the sound of your voice.

Not wanting to startle her too much, figuring she just hadn’t been paying enough attention to hear your familiar, happy voice,  you bend down behind her and try again. “Eden? Hey, it’s me! I’m going to help Felix watch over you for a while.”

No movement, no nothing - she just sat idly in the middle of the living room, quietly playing with her wooden blocks.

Slowly, you tap on the little girl’s shoulder, finally managing to catch her attention. She practically whipped her tiny body around in excitement, letting out oddball gurgles of joy. Holding her stubby arms out, she wiggled and tried to stand up on her own two feet so she could climb into your arms; but you beat her to it, swinging her up with a gleeful smile and cradling her in your arms.

Now content with the giggling baby in your grasp, you turn back to Felix, your own wide smile fading slightly at his remorseful frown.

“She uh... Eden... you remember how I told you she’s sick?” He asked you softly, stepping closer so he could hold out a finger to her, the both of you watching as she clings onto him.

You nod in reply, prompting him to continue. “The doctors say that she has m-meningitis - technically it’s just bacterial meningitis, so not totally fatal, thank god.” He forced out a dry laugh, crinkling his eyes at Eden as she begins to nibble on the end of his finger. “Apparently she’s had it for a while, but by the time we caught on to it, it was too late. S-she’s already lost a majority of her ability to hear, so she’s partially... deaf.”

Oh no.

“They prescribed some strong antibiotics that are helping her recover, but they can’t help with her deafness. She won’t go totally deaf, hopefully, but she’ll have to learn sign language and will need hearing aids. Bin’s been beating himself up about not catching it sooner, so he’s been shutting down... he only goes to work and comes home to be with her as much as possible.”

“That’s why he didn’t call,” you murmur quietly, looking back down to the gurgling baby in your arms, noting the lack of a hearing aid as of yet, “how is he holding up? Besides what you just told me.”

Felix’s shoulders sag at your question, not that he blamed you for asking. From what he’d heard from his older cousin, you were one of the only other people that he talked to frequently and trusted enough to take care of his daughter. Other than himself and a select few co-workers from his various jobs, Changbin didn’t socialize much.

He also knew that you’d taken a liking to Eden quickly, and that in turn the father and daughter duo had gotten used to you just as fast; that in itself was pretty rare, for the dad, anyway. When neither Woojin or Minho had answered his frantic calls, he looked through the slip of paper that his elder had left him in case he needed help with Eden. One of them had been labelled ‘Daycare - Y/N.’

“He hasn’t been doing great, if I’m being honest,” he muttered, “he doesn’t really trust anyone other than me to be patient with Eden, especially now that she has to have someone around willing to walk her through everything again. He actually told me that he was going to call you, but he also mentioned that you spoke about being a bit flunked with schoolwork recently.”

Stupid, stupid Changbin - why, you would hit him when he returned from work! You constantly reminded him that you, or more so the center, was always on call in case he or the other parents needed anything. That was pretty much the policy, courtesy of the founder, Kim Jongdae, or as the kids called him, Chen. While the kids were the main priority and focus, it was also common knowledge that a handful of parents (especially newer, less experienced ones) would drop by for some tips or hands on experience.

On the other hand, you were a little less agitated with his lack of calls because he’d considered your own schedule - which had been pretty hectic for a hot minute, as you did tell him one day, but that didn’t mean you were totally off the handle. He knew that you adored Eden, as well as the other kids, and that you’d drop everything if it meant helping them.

“If I’d known about all of this, I would’ve come over to help...” you grumble under your breath, now going to follow the footsteps of the Australian boy as he makes way towards the tiny kitchenette area.

Felix chuckles at your mildly annoyed words, going to toss what looked to be a burnt pancake in the trash. “You know, he said that you would be pissed once you found out. Says that you have this natural motherly side to you.”

You blush a bit at his amused comment, but don’t try to argue against it. After all, you supposed that’s why you did so well in the childcare field; you just really liked kids and went with their flow.

“He also said that was part of what he found super hot about you,” he continued, a smirk spreading across his plump lips when your jaw dropped in shock, “he’s always talking about you, or Eden - or about how, and I quote, ‘fucking sexy it is watching an intelligent, kind woman taking care of his babygirl,’ course he says... other things, too, but I don't dare to repeat those words around his own kid.”

In an attempt to ignore the furious red blush heating up your cheeks, you clear your throat and hastily change the subject. “I’m guessing you needed m-my help with cooking lunch?”

Felix, thankfully, doesn’t bring up your sudden subject change, instead nodding sheepishly in response to your question. “I guess Bin didn't mention it, thank god, but I kind of... sort of... suck ass at cooking. Really, I just shouldn't step into a kitchen, it’s that bad.”

“Okay, okay - I’m not the best, either, but I can make some amazing mashed potatoes. And, by the way - pancakes for lunch is a fantastic idea, but not for babies.” You tease the younger boy as you make your way to the refrigerator, preparing to make the three of you a semi-decent meal.

The ginger flushes at your lighthearted teasing, but doesn’t choose to retaliate. Instead, he carefully takes a babbling Eden from your arms, giving you more space to properly make their food.

“We’ll go watch some SpongeBob, or something. Thanks for cooking, Y/N!” He calls out as he saunters out of the kitchen, bouncing and cooing at the brunette tucked safely in his grasp.

You laugh to yourself, lightly shaking your head as you pull out your phone to make sure you’ve got everything to make your lunch.

————————————————————————

Six hours have passed since the three of you were plopped down in the kitchenette, seemingly squished against the back wall with a pink and white backsplash. The dining table was a hand-me-down, likely purchased from a flea market, but you supposed it only made the small apartment all the more lovable.

You and Felix got along quite well, truth be told; he was almost the polar opposite of his older cousin, in a permanent state of bright smiles and bubbly, deep laughs that reverberated throughout the walls of the Seo household. He told cheesy jokes and switched between English and Korean if he couldn’t recall a certain word - all in all, he was simply endearing.

For now, though, the hyper boy was crashing in Changbin’s bedroom. You’d told him to get some rest since he’d apparently been at the apartment since eight in the morning and it was ticking closer to six at night. He mentioned having early classes the next day, hence why you’d shooed him off into the bedroom.

Eden was currently passed out beside you on the lavender colored couch, her head nuzzled into a beaten up Munchlax plushie that she insisted on carrying with her the entire day after lunch. She called him “Gyu,” which wasn’t technically a real word from your knowledge, but it warmed your heart to know that she could still recognize the name of the doll and actually speak it aloud.

Like Felix had mentioned before, she wasn’t fully deaf, more so 75% at a loss of her hearing; she could make out some words well enough, but she would definitely need to know sign language sooner or later.

Which was why you were scrolling through a plethora of YouTube videos in the early hours of the night, eyeballing and saving the more reliable looking ones to a playlist you’d made just thirty minutes ago. They all addressed the topic of hearing loss, both partial and in full, and some had guides on how to sign things such as the alphabet or more specific words. You saved tons of videos, ranging from English sign language to Korean sign language - just in case.

Invested in your journey to saving as many useful videos as you possibly could, you don’t hear the distinct sound of keys jingling on the other side of the front door, nor do you hear said door quietly opening and closing.

“Y/N?” A familiar voice tears you out of your focused state, making you jump in surprise. “What... are you doing here?”

You tilt your head up from the bright screen of your phone, flushing slightly under Changbin’s tired yet inquisitive stare. “Felix - Felix called me earlier, said he needed help with Eden.” You breathe out quietly, almost inaudibly to the curious man in front of you.

Tired as he was, he still looked absolutely stunning. On Monday’s, he’d go to work in a car dealership instead of the mechanics shop downtown - meaning that he kind of had to dress a bit better than he usually did, in terms of professionalism.

He was clad in a somewhat scruffy black suit, fitted well to his body but a tad wrinkled from his day at work. He also sported black slacks and shiny shoes with a classic red tie; although you assumed it was one his daughter had pointed out while shopping, since it was adorned with white butterflies.

“Oh - s-so he probably told you about her, erm... problem.” Changbin stuttered out, beginning to unbutton the top of his suit, not noticing how your cheeks heated up at the innocent action.

You also stutter out a soft “yes” in reply, averting your gaze as he tosses the suit aside onto the arm of a stray chair nearby, revealing a tight-fitting white polo shirt.

“I... I would’ve called, I fucking swear, Y/N... I just didn't know what to say. I mean, how fucking bad of a dad must I appear to be, not knowing that my babygirl was suffering this entire time?” His voice cracks as he curses at himself, and for a split second he steps aside to crash into the wobbly chair; but by then you’ve shot up from your place on the plush couch, your fingers wrapped around his wrist to hold him in place.

“You are not a bad dad, Changbin; far from it, actually,” you retort quickly before he can argue back, reassuringly squeezing his wrist at the same time, “please, don’t beat yourself up over this. Eden needs you to be strong right now, more than ever. You’re her entire world, she can’t lose you because you wrongly blame yourself-”

And with that, he crumbles into your arms, breathing heavily as he finally, finally lets his walls down. The man, just barely touching twenty years of life, a single dad to the most beautiful little girl in the whole world, finally gives into his emotions.

You don’t even flinch at the feeling of a tear staining your neck, or at the feeling of the raven haired man sobbing quietly against your shoulder. Opting to release his wrist in favor of bringing him into a tight embrace, you soothingly rub on the back of his white polo shirt, uttering soft words of reassurance.

Neither of you notice, but Felix had woken up by the time Changbin had first started to rant; in fact, he’d been silently leaning against the frame of the hallway when his elder cousin, who he considered his brother, crashed into your arms and started crying.

Changbin needed someone to help him heal, and in Felix’s eyes, you were just the right person to do so.

————————————————————————

Changbin was no longer an enigma, in your eyes.

You found out a lot about Seo Changbin in the following months, more than you ever would have thought you would know, in all honesty.

Like... how the Munchlax plushie Eden practically stuck to like glue used to be his, and that he even used it during and after his high school years; he would’ve kept using it, too, if it hadn’t been for the fact that his daughter had claimed it so quickly after she’d been born.

You also learned that the raven haired man had just, always been expected to go into the medical field when he was growing up; he didn't quite resent that, he simply didn’t have the same burning passion for it as he did with producing his own music.

You loved his music, too; it was so raw and real to you, especially with the tracks he still hadn’t finished since he was so caught up with working to support himself and Eden. He had three that stood out to you, although they still weren’t titled, lest you count the numbers indicating the folders they were long since abandoned in.

The first one was about falling out of love, and you could only assume it retold the story of how he had slowly fallen out of love with the mother of his child. It wasn’t as solemn as it was angry, his words harsh yet heartfelt as he wrote out how he was so, so thankful to Eden’s mother for giving birth to her, gifting him with the most wonderful little girl in the universe. He was angry that he wasn’t “better” for her, that he couldn’t love her anymore the way she had so desperately loved him.

The second one was purely all about Eden, or as he called her, his miracle. Yes, being a single dad with little to no outside support brought a shit ton of stress into his previously relaxed, simple life, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way. He’d poured his soul into the parts he did actually finish, and you were sure that Eden would beg him to finish it one day.

The third one was definitely your favorite, though you weren’t quite sure why. Changbin had made the song in his own attempt to rekindle his joy for producing, you supposed. He referred to two people simply called “CB97″ and “J.ONE” a fair amount, citing them as the sole people who helped him grow a love for rapping and making music; perhaps they could be reunited, one day.

Something else that stood out to you, not about his music, but himself, was that Seo Changbin was a sensitive person, for lack of a better term.

When Eden has finally gotten her hearing aids, he teared up. Then, they were turned on and he called out to her, only to have her respond with a bright “dada!” Then he full on sobbed, grappling onto your arm in the doctor’s office as his babygirl was given the chance to properly hear the world again.

He also cried when Felix had to go back home to Australia for a month so he could finish his freshman year of college - only for both of you to find out that he was going to move to South Korea for the rest of his college years. He and a friend had rented out the lone apartment right under Changbin’s.

Even now, you could faintly recognize a small sniffle that escaped his otherwise quiet persona. The two of you were on your weekly “date night,” as Jisung and Chenle called it, though you hastily insisted otherwise; not that... you would have minded if it were true.

“Hey, Y/N?” He murmured softly to you in the middle of the chilly night, his hands tucked safely in the warm pockets of his gray hoodie while you walked side by side through the heart of the city.

It was a Saturday night, so obviously the sidewalks and streets were infested with loud crowds and bright, flashing neon lights. You both were just heading back to his apartment after a night of drinking at a quaint but lively bar that one of his friends owned, not totally drunk, but tipsy enough to stick close to each other to the point where your fingers would occasionally brush against his.

“Mm, yeah, Binnie?”

You didn't quite catch how his cheeks flushed in the pale moonlight, or how his breath momentarily hitched in his throat at the nickname. “I - do you -”

“Spit it out, Binnie - if you don’t say whatever it is you wanna say now, you’ll forget by the time we get back to the apartment.” You hummed knowingly, having gotten drunk with the man before; needless to say, he frequently forgot what he was going to say mid-sentence, or he just got off topic for no real rhyme or reason.

“... I was w-wondering, d’you want to move in, with me and Eden?” He blurted out suddenly, albeit softly, nervously, with a hint of a drunk stammer to his voice.

Now, to put it lightly, you were the complete opposite of Changbin when you were drunk; even mildly tipsy. While he would cut himself off and put his thoughts aside, you tended to be very, very blunt and straightforward.

“Sure, why not? Dunno where I’ll sleep, though.” You shrugged honestly, content with the little diddy you were humming under your breath.

Your partner pauses in the middle of the moving crowd, attracting a few disgruntled grumbles and curses as everyone forces themselves to snake around your bodies on the paved sidewalk. Noticing he’d fully stopped, you turn back around to meet his doe-eyed gaze, confusion plastered on your face. “What? Did I say something?”

“Y-you actually-? You really want to mo-move in with us?” He exhaled in disbelief, his airy breaths forming into a thin, transparent puff of chilled air.

Feeling much more confident in your slightly tipsy state, you march towards him, right in front of him, actually; and nod surely. “Mhm. Is that why you were sniffling a second ago? Because you were worried I’d say no or something?” You ask him innocently, only to giggle when he gulps and nods in reply. “Wow, you must be pretty dense, Binnie-”

“W-what?”

“Cause’ I really fucking like you, and Eden, obviously - you’re really attentive and a great dad, which is like, reaaally attractive. Oh -! Not to mention Eden is the cutest baby in the whole wide world!” You say with full confidence, lips curled into a sweet yet bold grin, stretching your arms out into the cold air just to further your point.

Without warning, Changbin’s hands latch themselves onto your waist before he manages to maneuver your back against an out-of-order vending machine. His chest presses against yours and his breaths fan out onto your parted lips.

“Good, cause’ I really fucking like you too.” Is the last thing he says before he smashes his lips against yours, melding them together even though you were both in public, pressed against a vending machine of all things.

But - you could’ve cared less.

From then on it’s a giant blur of motions, the last part you remember ending with his knee rubbing up between your thighs with his hands tangled in your hair.

————————————————————————

You wake up with a soft gasp, eyelids snapping open to be greeted with the sight of closed blinds and Changbin - wait, was that... Eden, tucked in between your bodies?

Your sudden sounds cause the man opposite of you to wake up with a low groan, his eyes much slower and reluctant to open. But when they do, his lips part to mimic your surprised gasp from mere seconds ago.

“The fuck did we do last night?” His voice comes out quiet and gravely, involuntarily making your poor heart pound wildly in your chest.

“I - I think we crashed as soon as we got back.” You answer him, gesturing between your bodies as you silently point out that the both of you were still very much clothed and, thankfully, not completely naked in any sense of the word.

He lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank fuck we didn’t, well, fuck. Not that... I would mind, but Felix would’ve killed me since he was stuck watching Eden last night.” Changbin corrects himself with a deep blush, looking down at the sleeping form tucked neatly beneath the giant gray blanket engulfing a majority of the bed.

You giggle at how he covered up his words, sleepily smiling at the flushed man.

There’s a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes following that instance, your eyes flickering all over his bare, somewhat bloated features. He had a hint of purple bags under his eyes, though they were much better if you were to compare them with the sagging of his eyelids from when you’d first met him almost a full year ago; met again, technically. There’s a blemish or two dotting his puffed, red cheeks, but it only added to his charm. Not to mention his adorable bedhead and morning voice.

“Did you - did you really mean what you said, last night?” Changbin eventually broke the silence, opening his eyes once more to blink and take in your calm demeanor. “Y’know, with... the whole ‘really fucking like me’ thing, and the moving in with us deal.”

It’s your turn to blush at his teasing words as he recalls your mildly drunken state from the night before, a small smirk gracing his sleepy features. “Of course I meant what I said, Binnie - to both things.” You reply honestly, shifting in his bed so you could carefully tug the comfy gray blanket under your chin and over Eden’s exposed shoulder to keep her nice and warm.

“Good - that’s, really good.” Is all he says, suddenly caught up with staring at your sweet smile and pink tinted cheeks. “God, I really want to kiss you again.” He mutters, brown eyes fixated on your lips.

“I want to kiss you too.” You hum quietly, drinking in the little sunlight that manages to peek through the mostly closed blinds, the shadows casting a warm glow onto his and Eden’s figures.

He nibbles on his bottom lip for a moment, knowing that neither of you would dare risk waking up Eden just for a quick peck or a lazy morning make-out session.

You shiver in anticipation when his fingers suddenly move to your side of the bed and clamp onto one of your hands, then you’re left to become a blushing mess as Changbin brings your cold knuckles up to his lips, pressing a warm, delicate kiss to your skin.

“I’m so glad that you’re here, love.”

“I am too, Binnie. I am too.”

end.

[studysocial]

junior year classes

hey y’all! i have not been very active on here at all :( it’s hard to keep up with things outside of school and my other extracurricular activities.

my school year ends in less than a month which is exciting! i’m looking forward to next year already. i’m hoping to get a job this summer to save up some money and i am going to be volunteering a ton as usual! my bigger plans for the next year include quitting my tennis team to focus on politics (which is due to a mix of lack of time for the things i really care about and lack of money to finance a sport run by someone who uses it to profit off of the kids shhhhhh), being an organizing member of a TEDxYouth conference, and possibly starting a club in my town.

anyway... that was a long intro to what i’m actually posting about which is my 2019-20 class schedule! while this is not yet finalized at all, and is subject to change, i wanted to send it out to see if anyone has advice!

- u.s. history (not apush, i had my school’s apush teacher for ap world this year and am not going through that again)

- honors psychology (this was originally going to be honors anatomy and physiology, until all my friends realized that the teacher who runs the course is the same one we had for honors chem and is retiring in a year. she’s a great person but the way she runs her class is too high stress. i’ve heard great things about psych!)

- ap statistics (out of non ap maths to take wish me luck plssssss)

- ap environmental science (so pumped for this bc i’m secretly a crunchy tree hugger)

- ap english 11 (is this one lang and comp i don’t remember? anyway i love english)

- honors latin iii (might be a yikes? might be good? my teacher told us latin iii is not as crazy high maintenance as latin ii so i’m hoping for the best)

- racquet sports— ???? (i might be quitting tennis but i still want to play it sometimes, it sounded like a fun no stress class. also i have no clue whatsoever what i’m gonna take next semester. considering film literature bc it sounds interesting and i love the teacher who teaches it? maybe sociology but i don’t know much about that class at my school)

- study hall (bc you gotta be on that grind)

if you guys have any tips, tricks, or warnings please feel free to send me a message!

(also if you guys have questions about ap world history or ap bio or latin or french or like any standard freshman or sophomore classes at allllll please send me an ask bc even if i didn’t take them i definitely know someone who did)

good luck in your studies!