#who’s to say they wouldn’t also scheme to get their ideal son in law LMAO

[akkivee]

shakku doing his part in acquiring ichiro as a son in law from rei lmao

[this-is-quite-homoerotic]

please tell us more about criminal ianto 👀 did he ever get caught when he was young? who is the most shocked of the torchwood gang when they find out about his skills?

funny you should ask! i actually have a vague idea of what i’d want to write if i ever wrote this fic, so here, have some thoughts:

okay, first order of business: i can see Ianto’s skills being centered around either a) grifting, or b) stealing things. we see in canon that he was arrested once for shoplifting in his teens, and it’s mentioned in one of the novels that he went to jail for two weeks for mouthing off to the judge (my son :’)), so we know he was caught once by the law.

my headcanon is that he was just getting started then and wasn’t as good, but a bit later he was caught again, not by the law but by a professional. i’m talking he tried to lift someone’s wallet but his target was a world-class thief type of situation. instead of being mad, this professional was charmed and thought he had talent, so they trained him, honing his skills and making him very, very good, and maybe also introduced him to some other thiefs.

(if you’ve watched Leverage, i’m picturing this professional to be Sophie and she trained him to be an excellent conman much like Archie trained Parker, but it could be a world-class thief training him on how to get past top-notch security and into safes instead. maybe a bit of both. ideally, a mix of both.)

after his training, he never got caught, though i’m sure it was a close thing many times, especially if he was taking risks.

now, something would have had to happen to steer him away from a life of crime, and i think what happened was an alien encounter. (disclaimer: i haven’t listened to the Torchwood One audios, so i don’t know exactly how Ianto joins T1.) he survives his alien encounter, of course, but it was a shock, and a paradigm shift in that it changed his perspective. more precisely, it widened it. suddenly, the world was so much bigger than he ever knew, and the rush of the alien encounter was at least as good as any rush he got from stealing/conning. someone from Torchwood One saw him when they were sent to deal with the alien and he’s recruited, without T1 ever finding out exactly who Ianto Jones is or what his skills are. he downplays them so as not to raise any alarms.

life unfolds as a Torchwood employee, he meets Lisa, falls in love, the fall of Canary Wharf happens, then he goes to Cardiff and joins T3, everything happens as in canon up to halfway through season 2, when some old associates show up at his flat looking for him. Jack is suspicious as hell - not of Ianto who he trusts and loves, but of these shady looking characters who are speaking in riddles and beating around the bush about whatever it is they’re trying to rope Ianto into that they don’t want to outright say in front of him (because they don’t know who Jack is or if he’s trustworthy, despite Ianto introducing him as his boyfriend. that didn’t mean shit. Jack could be a mark that Ianto’s working on, for all they knew.)

so they’re super shifty, and Jack’s protective instincts are activated. Ianto had said they were old friends and that’s the only reason why Jack didn’t flat-out try to kick them out. Ianto ends up telling them to come back later so that he and Jack can talk in private.

(for extra motivation, instead of a once-in-a-lifetime heist (or on top of it), Ianto’s mentor can be in peril if they don’t pull it off or do whatever it is they’re planning. Ianto wouldn’t say no to that.)

anyway, Ianto loves Jack very much and doesn’t want secrets between them. he hadn’t thought about his criminal days in a long time, but now that they’ve come knocking at the door, he thinks he might have to come clean. he tells Jack everything. Jack has no self-preservation skills, so he’s mostly turned on and very eager to find out exactly what Ianto’s skill set is. possibly, he offers to help Ianto pull off the scheme his ‘old friends’ want him for (if it’s for a good cause? like saving Ianto’s mentor, not so much if it’s something like ‘let’s steal this bank we’ll be so rich’ lmao). Jack confesses he used to be a conman and Ianto has never been more in love. they talk cons with stars in their eyes and it’s like a match made in crime heaven or something, former criminals with a heart of gold who met through an organisation that tries to keep their city and world safe.

i don’t know about the rest of the team, maybe Ianto tells them (he might need their help or maybe he and Jack need a few days off to pull off whatever the heist or con is, in that case they’d need to explain why they’re going away and leaving the others to deal with the rift). maybe Jack tells them (and Ianto is very embarrassed, that’s in his past now, has been for years, but he’s also weirdly proud of how into it Jack seems to be). maybe Ianto’s old friends show up at the tourist office or follow Ianto when he’s going to deal with Torchwood stuff and they let it slip in front of the team what Ianto is and Ianto’s forced to give explanations.

however they find out, Tosh is very impressed, doesn’t give a shit Ianto is technically a criminal, asks him to tell her some funny anecdotes over a bottle of wine once they have the time. Gwen feels conflicted because crime :/ but also Ianto targeted rich assholes and it’s not like anyone was hurt so she comes around quickly. she asks him to teach her some tricks. Owen is so affronted, what do you mean this repressed nerd is some world-class thief or grifter or something? he refuses to believe it. how dare he? he stays in the denial stage until Ianto demonstrates some of said skills during a mission (no point in letting all his training go to waste since he’s not pretending all of that never happened anymore, so suddenly he’s climbing walls and sneaking undetected into places, bypassing state-of-the-art security systems like it’s nothing, or getting the right people to do whatever he wants them to by smiling and saying the right words in the right accent, or something.) 

i don’t know how the story ends, except i want Ianto and Jack working on a con together and finding out they’re very in sync and a devastating pair when they work together. they also both get off on seeing the other work a mark because i say so. they probably end up using these skills and their newfound partnership in missions from then on. then Ianto is turned immortal and he and Jack travel the universe occasionally conning their way into wherever or whatever they need and using their skills to help people and also aliens because that’s fundamentally who they are, and they deserve this damn it.

(also Ianto totally teaches the others some tricks. Tosh surprises them all by being the best at it, she can swipe anything off anyone by the time he’s done teaching her, and she keeps taking Owen’s wallet and leaving it lying around for him to find. Ianto’s so proud.)

[grayisholi]

@ the DND ask game: ALL OF THOSE QUESTIONS, I CAN'T CHOOSE!! XD (or if not that, the ones you rlly wanna do!!

BOY OH BOY OH BOYIve been answering these throughout the day and I’m too lazy to reread the full document so sorry if I’ve left gaps or whatever but here it is! All 35 questions about dnd! Matt you unstoppable Madman.

1. A favorite character you have played.

You can’t just make me pick between my children!!! I think I might have to say Atticus Sallow, my faeborn bloodhunter, partially because he’s like 100% homebrew content which I LIVE for, but also because he’s probably the most kinda self-insert character I’ve ever played? Almost became the kinda angsty, brooding asshole character before he was like “get your shit together” and learned that loving people isn’t so bad.

2. Your favorite character that someone else has played.

I almost, ALMOST had the pleasure of DMing for @no-more-good-omens and their character was gonna be SO RAD and I’m a little heartbroken he never came to be. A half-drow paladin of Vecna, pretending to be your typical good and wholesome paladin? Dude, I love that kinda two faced backstabbing in a player. It’s such a shame it never came to anything (although if yall still wanna play hmu ;))

3. Your favorite side quest.

Ooh, there’s been so many good ones. Probably when i was playing as Adrian Smirks and went off on a tangent to rescue his brother ? That was the first time I ever got to see Adrian’s more raw and emotional side beneath the suave mask he wears and it was fun to explore his character in that way ^.^

4. Your current campaign.

That I’m DMing? It started inspired by Guy Fawkes and was gonna be “your party blows up parliament” but I got bored of following historical accuracy so it ended up being “blow up the palace in a magical city that just happens to be called London”. I accidentally wrote myself into a hole with this campaign tho, so once they’ve finished this arc I’m handing over the DM hat to my sister @philosophical-wanton because she seems to love it and I kinda miss being a player lmao. I can’t wait for it.

5. Favorite NPC.That I’ve written? Probably Hai Shen, the youngest son of a group of circus performers who were killed and the party got blamed for their murder. He had such a great attitude and his dynamics with the party kicked ass. And the twist that he was actually dead the whole time and it was his soul that had stayed behind to help solve his family’s murder? ICONIC.

6. Favorite death (monster, player character, NPC, etc).

NPC death would probably be Hai Shen, actually. After the party had brought the real killers (A cult to the demon Prince Orcus) to justice, Hai’s time on earth had come to an end. He had really beautiful moment with the party before being reunited with his family. Alternatively, the time I broke my entire party’s hearts? “Artagan’s staff comes cracking into Ellios’ chest, forcing him onto the ground. Artagan raises his sceptre in hand, pointing it menacingly at the young prince. And for the first time, you see him. Like, REALLY see him. He’s not the strong and powerful leader you’ve all come to know him as, he’s not Prince Ellios of the Four Realms. He’s just a boy. A boy who is much too young to be involved in such a grand scheme. And the fear in his eyes. You see the fear he’s managed to keep buried for so long, finally coming to the surface. And then? You don’t see anything, aside from his cold body hitting the ground.” I got punched three times for that moment, but GOD was it worth it.

7. Your favorite downtime activity.

Like in game? A healthy lil bit of vandalising the local law enforcement buildings is always a good time.

8. Your favorite fight/encounter.

Aw man, how can I pick ? I gotta say, that one time we, a level 6 party, managed to take down two earth elementals was pretty rad. The DM kind of expected it to be one of those encounters that we saw and immediately tried to run from, but what she didn’t take into account was that ALL of us had chaotic alignments so we just went crazy. The DM was rolling really badly (thank God) and we were getting really creative (“I use the produce flame centripetal to light my bottle of ale on fire and create a molotov cocktail” “you do WHAT”) and after like an HOUR we won and it was amazing. The rush I got from that victory was better than any drug my dood.

9. Your favorite thing about D&D.

I know I say it a lot, but I legit can’t choose. There’s so many great things about ttrpgs that a lot of people don’t really think of. The creative fulfilment I get from a session is incomparable, the friendships you can build that you couldn’t form in any other way. And like, not to get too real for a sec here, but I grew up with undiagnosed autism and didn’t understand how a lot of social situations worked, and DnD was such a good mechanic for me to try communicating with people without many real world consequences, and I appreciate that experience so much. It’s just such a great thing my dood.

10. Your favorite enemy and the enemy you hate the most.

Can they be the same thing lmao? I mean, I’m obviously partial to Count Cassius, the vampire lord that Adrian slept with lmao. I also always appreciate a good beholder, until I get hit with three disintegration rays IN A ROW.

11. How often do you play and how often would you ideally like to play?

We’ve got kind of a monthly schedule with my main campaign, and I manage to get a couple online games in-between them, but honestly I’d kill to be the kind of group that got together every weekend.

12. Your in game inside jokes/memes/catchphrases and where they came from.

Oh MAN. “I say we do this.” “Yeah, but that’s coming from the guy who decided to tie 3 50ft ropes together to escape the palace.” “iT wOrKeD dIdN’t iT ???” i.e that time I forgot I gave the gnome rogue flying boots so when I planned for them to get arrested at the palace, they managed to escape by tying their ropes together, sending the gnome with it to the top and climbing the wall. I had to improvise the rest of the session. Also “FLINTON BELINDA SKINTON” bc as a role-play exercise I got my party to come up with rumours about their characters and the gnome rogue called Flint AKA Flinton B Skinton decided that one of their rumours was that the B stood for Belinda, and it was GLORIOUS.

13. Introduce your current party.

My current group consists of Flinton B Skinton, gnome rogue. He’s a quick-fingered, silver-tongued gay disaster who can sell anything to anyone. He’s a charming flirt, and a veritable genius in his own right. Kava Daardendrian, dragonborn ranger who loves nothing in life more than her animal companion - her pig Snortin Norton. She’s fun and sassy and shameless, she’s great. There’s Sparks, the fire Genasi Monk, and full embodiment of a disaster lesbian. She drinks, fights, and gets laid, and doesn’t deal with her problems in healthy ways. An icon. And finally Milo, the halfling Bard who falls in love at the drop of a hat and just wants everyone to get along. I call them “The Shenanigang” and I love them.

14. Introduce any other parties you have played in or DM-ed.

A party I joined late? We had Sylvia Moondrop, the half elf sorcerer who was just trying to get along with everyone despite what the world seemed to want. Orland the half orc bard who was just trying to shake off the Barbarian stereotype his family left him with. Rose Morleen, air Genasi fighter who was literally born to kick ass and take names. I joined as Mason Terrai, the Earth Genasi Alchemist with a perchance for explosives. The very definition of chaotic neutral.

15. Do you have snacks during game times?

Of COURSE. What manic wouldn’t ?

16. Do you play online or in person? Which do you prefer?

I used to play online a LOT back before I had friends who were into dnd, but I VASTLY prefer playing in person. The chemistry that’s built not only amongst the players, but also the actual characters themselves is unparalleled. It’s just such a great experience.

17. What are some house rules that your group has?

Anyone can attempt anything, the only restriction is the dice. Don’t question the DM unless it’s out of session, then bully the dm on the groupchat until he’s so pissed off he gives you inspiration just to get you to shut up. And also canon lore and canon rules are bullshit when it’s convenient. That’s about it

18. Does your party keep any pets?

Our ranger, God bless her, has her pack pig Snortin Norton, sold to her by one Flinton B Skinton. And Flint really wants a monkey, he’s been trying to find one for ages.

19. Do you or your party have any dice superstitions?

Not really ? I’m the kind guy that if my dice rolls a 1 I will bench it for a bit, but tbh all my dice are cursed af and I’ve kinda just learned to roll with it by making my characters canonically terrible at everything lmao.

20. How did you get into D&D? How long have you been playing?

Aw man I can’t remember when or how, it’s been so long. I had a couple friends who were kinda into it, but all the games they tried to run were complete disasters. I only really started playing I’m the past year or so? Maybe a little more ? Adrian was my first character, and he was a very RP heavy character in a party of tanks and they all hated him but MAN was it fun.

21. Have you ever regretted something your character has done?

Oh all the time. One time my character was careless and didn’t check for traps on a legendary artefact and it lead to the death of a party member. One time my character got angry at his party and walked out. My characters don’t make good decisions, but that’s part of the fun.

22. What color was your first dragon?

White! I thought it was silver at first and went to go say hi, and it clawed me within half my HP straight away lmao.

23. Do you use premade modules or original campaigns?

Oh dude, original all the way. I live for that shit.

24. How much planning/preparation do you do for a game?

Depends on the session, but usually a good few hours, couple of days if I’m DMing.

25. What have your players done that you never could have planned for?

“You wake up in a mysterious forest. The strained autumn sun shines through the trees. The only thing you can see it each other, the trees, and an old sign post leading to a path that says "Myrrill” on it. What do you do?“ "We walk in the opposite direction of the sign deeper into the forest.” “…of course you do.”

26. What was your favorite scene to write and show your characters.

I wrote a full carnival show one time for them to watch, and then it got derailed when a horrific monster attacked. But writing all the characters and their acts, and watching my players get entranced as I described it ? Magical, my dood.

27. Do you allow homebrew content?

I live and breathe homebrew content. I don’t know what my games would be without it. I LOVE homebrew.

28. How often do you use NPCs in a party?

I make some pretty sick characters if I do say so myself, so I throw them in a LOT.

29. Do you prefer RP heavy sessions or combat sessions?

Oh dude, role play all the way. Fighting and killing stuff is great, but role-play is just so good. We can go from laughing with a bartender to crying over a backstory reveal and it’s just beautiful.

30. Are your players diplomatic or murder hobos?

Depends on the party, but i find the best players are a little bit of both XD

31. What is your favorite class? Favorite race?

Official ? I’m a fan of the hexblade warlock? Bards are always a good call, and to be real playing monks make me feel like an absolute badass. Race wise, there are just so many. If we’re only talking players handbook stuff, half elf is always rad. Outside of that? I’ve been researching the Shadar-Kai lately and I’m LIVING. They’re so rad.

32. What role do you like to play the most? (Tank/healer/etc?)

What would you call the disaster gay? I don’t really gear my characters towards usefulness in combat, so it’s just whatever the class happens to lend itself to.

33. How do you write your backstory, or do you even write a backstory?

I usually write my character, personality, backstory, alignment etc, before I even pick a class or even a race. I basically just make OCs and apply them to dnd rules, and it’s SO much fun. 10/10, would recommend.34. Do you tend pick weapons/spells for being useful or for flavor?

FLAVOUR. My party usually hates me, but what I lack in combat utility I more than make up for in creative out of combat skill checks XD.

35. How much roleplay do you like to do?

Boi, I even RP my combat, and the great thing is it rubs off on my party too. I’ll have a really low initiative and everyone else will be like “I attack and do 10 points of damage” but then on my round I’m like “I use my staff to leap across the battlefield towards the opponent and launch out with a spinning kick to their jaw” and everyone else is like “oh, okay, that’s what we’re doing.” and the battle becomes so much more dynamic and cinematic, it’s amazing !