#who’s supposed to be here all day btw cause she has to close

[ramshead-shackles]

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[starkwlkr]

Hi can you write a verstappen reader x charles where they're dating in secret but max founds out and he gets mad, you can work out the story, maybe a lot of angst but a happy ending, I love your writing.

friends don’t kiss friends | charles leclerc

btw max and charles hate each other in this so i apologize in advance for all the lestappen fans <3

Max would kill Charles. No, he was going to kill Charles. It was an exaggeration, but it would probably come true.

Y/n Verstappen knew her true feelings. She knew what she wanted and what she wanted more than anything in the world was to be with Charles. He was caring, loving, the perfect man in her eyes. But Max would never allow his older sister to be with him.

So they saw each other in secret.

Max had almost caught the couple once. He had stopped by his sister’s apartment in Monaco and saw Charles’ Ferrari parked outside. When he knocked on the door, Charles opened it thinking it was the food they had ordered.

“Y/n, it’s your brother.” Charles called out to his girlfriend. “Excuse me mate, go to go.”

“Leaving so soon?” Max asked.

“Yeah, I’ve got a family lunch tomorrow. Good to see you.” Charles said coldly.

Y/n appeared, having changed from Charles’ shirt to one of her own. “You didn’t tell me you were coming over.” Y/n said to Max, who was busy glaring at Charles.

“I didn’t think I’d have to. You’re my sister.” Max replied. “I was just about to ask Charles here why he could come over but I can’t.”

Charles’ heart started beating faster. What was he supposed to say? Confess to their secret relationship? ‘Hey, by the way, I’m having sex with your sister!’

“I asked him to.” Y/n spoke. “He mentioned he wanted to make something for his family lunch tomorrow so I told him he could borrow my book where I keep all my recipes.”

“Then where’s the book?” Max asked.

Y/n then brought out a book she had been hiding behind her back. She then handed it to Charles. “He was just leaving, Max.”

Charles grabbed the book. “Thank you.” Was all he said before he walked to his Ferrari. Once inside, he watched Max start to argue with Y/n. He started feeling guilty knowing he was the cause of it.

He wanted to be able to kiss Y/n in public, hold her hand, take her on dates. He was sure Y/n wanted that too, but if she ever revealed that she was dating her brother’s rival, the name Verstappen would no longer belong to her.

After that day, Charles was more careful when he visited Y/n. Instead of taking his Ferrari, he would order an Uber to her apartment. Sometimes he would spend the night because Y/n convinced him to. (And also because those were the nights Max wasn’t in Monaco so they didn’t have to worry about him coming over)

Y/n was happy with Charles. He treated her with respect, she did the same to him. Their love was real, something Max would have trouble understanding.

When Max finally found out, he refused to talk to his sister. It was during the inaugural Miami Grand Prix. Y/n had watched her brother win the race while her brother came in second. It was a good weekend so far. When the podium ceremony came, instead of wearing hats, they were given football helmets. Y/n laughed at Charles, who found her in the crowd of people and winked at her.

After the ceremony, she made her way to the Red Bull Garage. She wanted no more than to celebrate both Charles and Max, but that would never happen. When Max found her, he grabbed her forcefully by the arm and dragged her to his driver’s room, ignoring her insults she had thrown at him.

“You fucker! You’re hurting my arm!” Y/n punched Max’s shoulder, trying to get him to let her go. Finally, they reached the room where Max had let her go and closed the door behind them. “What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

“How long has this been happening?” Max asked.

Y/n saw the look in Max’s eyes. He was furious. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She said.

“Don’t act dumb. How long have you been sleeping with him? Days? Weeks?” Max threw his 1st place football helmet to the ground.

“It’s my life. You don’t get to control who I see!” Y/n tried to leave, but Max held her back. “Let me go!”

“Why are you doing this to me? Why him?” Max asked. He felt betrayed.

“I’m not doing anything to you. He loves me.” Y/n defended the love of her life.

“Does he?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I know him. I know how he is, how he thinks and he’s the worst.” Max went on.

“Well I know him too and I know he would never hurt me. But you are. You’re my brother, Max.” Y/n felt a tear go down her cheek.

Max shook his head. “You’re not my sister.”

Those words hit Y/n hard. Why wouldn’t they? Max was always there for her, cared for her, loved her. That day, Y/n and Max stopped talking.

When Charles found Y/n, she was a crying mess. She had explained everything to him.

“He hates me. He said I’m not his sister anymore.” Y/n cried to Charles in his driver’s room.

“Hey, you’re going to be okay. You’ve got me and my family. They love you more than anything. We’re going to be okay.”

Charles kept his word. The Leclerc family became her own. When she attended races, the Ferrari garage became her home instead of the Red Bull garage. She would sometimes pass by it, but never looked inside or asked for Max. They were strangers now.

Y/n spent all the holidays, birthdays and anniversaries with the Leclercs. Soon enough, she was planning a wedding with Charles.

“The invitations came in.” Y/n told Charles as she showed him the wedding invitations she had custom made.

“They look great, mon amour.” Charles kissed her cheek. “Lorenzo and I are going to take Arthur suit shopping. He says he can’t find the right one. I’ll be back soon.”

Y/n nodded and kissed Charles’ lips. After he left, Y/n was all by herself in their shared apartment. She picked up an invitation and stared at it. She was finally going to get married. But of course something was missing, or rather someone. She still wasn’t in contact with Max. Sure they were at the same events all year, but they never asked for each other. She missed him everyday.

When they were younger, Y/n always thought Max would attended her wedding. He would be by her side, dance with her, but none of that was happening.

Yet.

Charles hated lying to his fiancée. He hated it with a burning passion, but he knew he had to to something about Max. Truth was, Arthur had found his suit the day after Charles and Y/n announced their engagement. Now Charles stood in Max’s apartment. Kelly had let him in while Max had just gotten out of the shower.

“What are you doing here? Did you let him in?” Max asked Kelly.

“She did. I’m here to talk to you about Y/n.” Charles said. “We’re getting married.” Kelly excused herself and left the two men to talk.

“And you want me to congratulate you?” Max scoffed.

“No, I’m here to invite you to the wedding. She’d want you there believe it or not. She does care about you, Max—”

“Then why did she have to fall in love with you? She could’ve had anyone and she chose you.” Max interrupted. “She chose you over her own family.”

“She didn’t. You disowned her. You left her hurt. She cried every night for three weeks and guess who was there? Me. I love her and if you can’t see that then you’re obviously blind as shit.” Charles dug into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. “That’s the address.” He put it on the coffee table.

“What? No proper invitation?” Max rolled eyes eyes.

“Don’t push it.”

The day of the wedding finally came. Y/n couldn’t wait to call Charles her husband. She stood in front a full length mirror admiring her white dress. Pascale had helped her with her hair while she applied her makeup.

“Thank you again, Pascale.” Y/n said to the older woman.

“You look beautiful. Charles is going to cry when he sees you.” Pascale smiled. As Y/n looked at herself in the mirror, Pascale heard a light knock on the door to the dressing room. The Leclerc woman walked to the door and slightly opened it thinking it was Charles trying to take a look at Y/n’s dress. She was surprised to see Max in a suit.

Pascale looked back at Y/n, who was too busy fixing her veil. She then turned to Max. “Does she know?” Max shook his head. Pascale sighed and asked Max to wait. She closed the door and walked back to the bride. “ma fille, there is someone here to see you.”

Pascale’s words made Y/n froze. She could only think of one person. She turned to face Pascale. “He can come in.” She nodded at the woman.

As Pascale went to let Max in, Y/n started to take deep breaths. Was she actually ready to face Max? She didn’t know. Was it even a good idea for him to be there? Again, she couldn’t tell.

“I’ll leave you two alone. I’m going to check on Charles.” Pascale excused herself and left the room.

Y/n had her back turned to Max, only this time she was looking at him through the mirror. “You look dumb.” She said.

“So do you.” Max replied with a dry laugh. “You look pretty.” He cleared his throat.

Y/n laughed. She knew how Max was when trying to compliment someone else. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Yeah, well your future husband insisted I come. He told me you care about me.”

“I didn’t stop, Max. You’re my brother.” Y/n finally turned around to face him. “Why do you hate Charles so much? He makes me happy.”

“I guess I didn’t want you to leave me.”

Y/n’s heart broke. Everyone knew how hard Jos Verstappen was on his children, especially Max. Over the years, Max had gone to his older sister for comfort, something Jos was unfamiliar with.

“I know it’s selfish of me. You can hate me all you want, hate me until you die, but I just want to say I’m sorry for everything I ever did and said to you. You’re always going to be my sister.” Max confessed.

Y/n wiped away a tear. “I don’t hate you and I’m not going to hate you until I die. You’re so fucking dramatic.” She laughed through her tears.

“I can leave if you want me to. I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry.” Max nodded. He was about to leave the room when Y/n spoke once again.

“Stay.”

The wedding was the most beautiful wedding Max had ever attended. He sat next to Charles’ brothers. As he looked at Charles and Y/n, he felt proud of the life his sister had made.

“You may kiss the bride.” The priest announced. Charles didn’t have to be told twice. He kissed Y/n as if it was the last time they would ever kiss. To them, it was like they were the only ones in the room.

“You know, Y/n once told me her and Charles were just friends.” Max whispered to Arthur, who lightly laughed. “Friends don’t kiss friends.”

[ranticore]

wanted to very quickly make up an interesting & engaging culture for the lil kobold guys so that it hurts more when they all die. here's my ramble about that.

they are not reptiles but like many reptiles they develop into male or female based on ambient temperature during embryonic development, but they also evolved into endothermic livebearers. so with the parent at regular body temp it's a fifty-fifty sex-at-birth split, but in conditions of colder-than-average daughters are produced, and hotter-than-average gives you sons. other sex traits are temperature linked so it can also be possible to trans your sex if you go through a temperature shock in either direction (hypo/hyperthermia) but that's pretty rare because you'd be more likely to die. other traits are temperature-linked including skintone saturation, hair coverage, etc and can change over time throughout an individual's life.

all of these are evolutionary traits to allow them to survive seasons without a dragon in the cave providing warmth; the lairs are usually high up in cold mountainous regions. a dragon's lair then has zonations of temperature from hottest (dragon) to coldest and kobolds are able to exploit the widest range possible. when there is no dragon, there's almost no warmth (as campfires and the like are lethal in tunnel systems), and in extreme circumstances colonies can become all-female and propagate by parthenogenisis until a dragon settles the lair again and provides warmth. naturally their little colonies are matriarchal, and the matriarch has to commune with the dragon in an area that is extremely hot (because of the dragon). this causes her to only bear sons. it means that there also has to be a mother of matriarchs whose job it is to produce a matriarch, which she does by staying in the cold parts of the cave, to give birth to daughters. the daughters can be next in line for matriarch if they can survive the dragon (i.e.. if it chooses not to kill em) and thereafter have to stay in the hot zone.

anyway this results in a kind of alternation of generations and two complimentary ruling bloodlines who, while related, can never meet past birth - if a matriarch has a daughter it's an indication that she was not as close with the dragon as her duties demand (she is supposed to interpret the dragon's moods and provide predictions of future prosperity based on them). and if a mother of matriarchs has a son it means she was also not being dutiful enough (but i mean. ice baths all day everyday aren't fun either so this scenario is more common than the reverse). once a mother of matriarchs has a son then she's out of a job due to old superstitions that sons, being smaller at birth and easier to produce, will permanently taint a uterus by showing it the easy way out, and thereafter it will always pick that route. that's only superstition tho. the matriarch & mother of matriarchs both have a group of consort malewives. these usually have a mix of cold and hot phase traits and tend to bounce between temperature zones so they don't become too inclined in any direction.

the colony does not have only two reproductive members ofc, these are only ruling bloodlines. most individuals are not born from a matriarch or mother of matriarchs, and when the lair is occupied by a dragon there should be an even bimodal distribution of sex traits. a child is named based on imagery from both parents' dreams during the baby's first sleep (there is no day or night. baby is left out unattended by the dragon while it sleeps and the dragon 'decides' if it's worthy to live or not. dragon doesn't give a fuck and is barely aware of all this btw). if it survives it gets two names, one from each parent. then later in life those two names are used by the matriarch (if upperclass/Important) or the division leader (if lowerclass; hunters, scavengers, etc) to pair up one individual with another who has a complimentary name. the four names should go well together and paint a nice word-picture. the two individuals then become partners in a kind of culturally-enshrined buddy system and do their tasks together. it's very dangerous in the warrens and tunnels after all and it's best to go in pairs.

for example holly's full name is Holly Burn (due to being the very unlucky son of a mother of matriarchs, who had to retire; he 'burned' her) and his partner's name is Red Leaf. the names when spoken together make a little four-word poem which is optimally good in their culture

so that's what i got since last night but i have more Ideas. anyway all that's going on including some intense interpersonal drama between himself and red leaf when the knights come

[nburkhardt]

Feels Like the World's Gonna End (But I'll Get You Through)

This was supposed to be small, oops. Hopefully it reads okay! Also small warning: panic attacks, flashbacks. Hurt/Comfort, lots of cuddles & kisses at the end ✨ (btw when you see ~ it means a pov change.)

To a regular person, July 4th is a good day. It’s a day to celebrate and enjoy one another.

To Steve Harrington it is everything but.

Getting tortured either on or around July 4th would definitely change your opinion on the day. It would cause panic and anxiety.

He’s kept it close to his chest, what happened behind those steel doors. Kept it minimal with the rest of who was involved with the Russians. Robin especially doesn’t know exactly what happened to him when they separated them. Dustin and Erica doesn’t even know the torture happened, Steve and Robin kept it quiet.

The rest of their group didn’t even believe them about the Russians at first, so he couldn’t figure out how to bring it up. Since at the time Hopper was gone, believed to be dead and Joyce was grieving. Steve felt like he couldn’t speak to her about it, didn’t want to bring it up.

So, close to his chest is where it all stays.

————— July 4th, 1986 —————

Vecna defeated and with that the upside down is no longer around, everyone is finally able to breathe a little easier.

The Byers are back in Hawkins, living in a brand new home that they were able to finally finish putting together to hold the start of a new tradition of get togethers with their group and then some.

Today is the official start of said tradition. Everyone is meeting up and going to enjoy the day together, like normal regular people.

Or make an attempt to be normal regular people, for Steve at least. He’s been more, jumpy lately and luckily not a lot of people have notice. Sure, it’s been a good few months since everything went down and everyone is doing okay.

But the whole first part of July is just not Steve’s favorite anymore. Technically the whole month, if he’s being completely honest.

Which is just shitty, since his birthday is also July 4th.

Not that anyone knows, he kept that particular fact to himself. Celebrates it at the end, so everyone believes it’s the 31st instead. Which is fine, really it is. He’s not too picky when it comes to celebrating, before everything it was stuffy parties full of his parents friends and coworkers. Then it was parties to get drunk with classmates.

It’s been better since Dustin came into his life, since Robin and now with everyone else it’s good. It is.

Just with everything that happened in March on top of his unresolved trauma from last year, he can’t help but feel like something is going to come down.

Something is about to happen and it’s not great that this is going through his head as he’s sitting on the ledge of the Byers’ wall watching the kids run around like the teenagers they are or hearing laughter all around him.

There’s a genuine smile on his face as he watches Eddie spin Erica around and the honest to god joyful childlike smile on her face. It makes his heart beat a little faster, seeing not just Erica be the child that she is but also just Eddie.

He knows he’s in love with Eddie, has for a while. But he can’t bring himself to make a move, even if Robin swears Eddie has to have the same feelings. That there’s a chance but the last time he took one with the L word, his heart got stumped on.

So, he’ll stay right here and watch from his spot, listen to them be happy and enjoy the holiday. All while anxiously waiting for something to happen. His mind is set on it, even if he’s trying not to let those thoughts win.

Before he can even register anything, suddenly his vision is blocked and his heart rate immediately goes up as he’s also picked up and being moved. It’s so sudden that the anxiety he’s been having is loud and clear, telling him this is real.

This is happening. He’s being taken again. The Russians are here or wait- he never left, never escaped and his mind has finally decided to remind him of his new reality. That they’re here to break him more, hit him more, maybe they’ll actually go through and cut his fingers off now.

Still, he struggles and tries to escape. He whimpers out first, a wounded and pathetic sound even to his own ears. Opening his mouth and out comes, “I work at scoops ahoy! I didn’t mean to find it, I swear! You have to believe me, please!”

His mind flashes again to the absolute sinister look the Russian soldier has, shows him the bone saw and he can hear it start. There’s tears going down his face, even with whatever they put on him. Heart beating so fast, he’s shaking and struggling.

“Please, please! I just scoop ice cream!” He’s screaming, his throat hurts and they won’t stop. “I don’t know anything, Please!”

The arms around him are gone, with those gone he hits the ground hard and he scrambles to get away. Sobbing and trying to get away without vision, “let me go, please, please. I just work at scoops ahoy I didn’t mean to find anything! I didn’t see anything, I swear!”

Curling into a ball, he tries to stop but he can’t. He can’t see, he’s stuck under the mall and doesn’t know where Robin is- doesn’t know where Dustin and Erica are, he’s all alone.

Alone with evil people who want to hurt him.

~

Everyone freezes and their face go pale as they watch Steve curling into a ball rocking himself, sobbing into his legs. Pleading to stop hurting him, to believe him.

It’s heartbreaking.

Eddie has to shake himself to get moving, he glares at Lucas, Mike and Dustin as he quickly drops Erica’s hands to make it across the yard to Steve, “what the fuck is wrong with you?”

“We didn’t mean to scare him!”

“It was just a prank!”

He shakes his head and decides they aren’t important here, that the one sobbing is who he needs to pay attention to. Kneeling next to Steve, he doesn’t touch; not yet at least. He takes a deep breath before trying to get Steve out of this, “Steve, Steve, you’re okay.”

Steve only sobs harder, shaking his head.

“Stevie, hey, come on. You’re not there, whenever you are. It’s not real” he hopes his voice doesn’t sound as shaky as he feels, “Stevie, you’re at the Byers house, in the backyard.”

“You’re lying, this-this is a trick!” Steve sobs out, “it-it won’t work, I don’t know anything about any Russian code-”

There’s a few gasps around him and he looks over his shoulder to find Dustin’s eyes widen and Robin’s face pales even more, “It’s- it’s gotta be a flashback, he’s- we- Eddie, he thinks he’s in the bunker, from last year- under Starcourt”

“I don’t know anything, I swear. I work at scoops ahoy, I just scoop ice cream. Please, please let me go!”

All he can do is feel heartbroken all over again, feels helpless as Steve sobs in front of him. Eddie looks away from everyone else and focuses on Steve instead. He doesn’t want to touch yet, doesn’t want to make Steve freak out even more.

“Steve, listen to me. You are not at the bunker, you’re safe. I’m Eddie, it’s Eddie. It’s July 4th, 1986. You are not at Starcourt, you’re safe” his voice wavers towards the end, listening to Steve sob is not what he wanted to ever hear.

All Steve does is shake his head and sobs more.

Taking another moment to breathe, he leans towards him slowly and pulls the cloth off Steve’s head. “Open your eyes, please sweetheart. Open them and you’ll see me, see Eddie.”

Behind him he can hear someone else crying, can hear Joyce and Hopper whispering to each other and hear everyone not in the know try and figure out why Steve is freaking out. It doesn’t pull his attention away though, his vision is just on Steve.

He refuses to look away, actually.

Steve’s tears don’t stop, the rocking though is finally stopping, his arms are still tight around his knees but he moves his head up and slowly blinks. It takes a few minutes and Eddie can see when it finally clicks in Steve’s mind. His face is suddenly white and he tightens his arms again, “Ed-Eddie?”

Nodding, he shuffles a little closer, “Yeah Stevie, it’s me. You’re okay”

“No, no- I” Steve’s eyes are red and wide as his eyes jump from him to everyone behind him, “I need to go- I can’t- I can’t-”

Without any words he moves quickly, gets up and helps Steve up. Tucking him under his arm and pulls close, leading him away from the house and now the shouts from everyone else. Eddie ignores them too, focus on getting Steve away.

They end up at his new trailer.

Eddie takes a moment in the kitchen to calm himself down a bit more before picking up the mugs of tea and making his way back into his room where Steve is. He pushes the door open, a small smile on his face as he makes his way over.

Steve has the blankets pulled all the way to his chin, he’s staring at the wall with tears still streaming down his face but there’s no more sobs.

“I got us some tea” he raises the Garfield mug up, “got your favorite cup too”

It causes a wobbly smile and Eddie’ll call that a small victory. Steve lets the blankets fall down and takes the mug, blowing it before taking a small sip. Eddie follows his lead and does the same. Only moving just to get under the blankets, making sure to rest his legs touching Steve’s.

It’s quiet the only noises coming from outside, from the other residents enjoying the holiday.

Even though the tea is gone, Steve still has the mug in his hands. They’ve been in the trailer for two hours now. Eddie doesn’t want to push, but he’s also very concerned and wants to make sure that he’s okay.

“Stevie, are you okay?”

Steve rolls the mug in his hands as he shrugs, “I don’t know, that um, that’s never happened before”

He nods, tapping the mug and once Steve lets it go, grabs it and places it next to his own mug. Looking at Steve, he’s never seen such a defeated look on his face. It’s wrong and Eddie hates it.

“It’s o- well, it’s not okay. I’m sorry the boys were assholes. You don’t have to tell me, not right now. We can just sit here and skip out on the party.” He won’t make him explain it, not right now.

That’s not important currently, what’s important is making sure Steve feels okay and safe again.

Steve just leans against the wall, a sigh coming out of his mouth before he looks at him. “I, I got tortured last year. Um, I haven’t told anyone. It was-”

He shakes his head and pulls him close to hug him, “Steve- Stevie, you don’t have to talk about it right now. We’ll talk about it tomorrow, right now I just want you to calm down and make sure you’re okay”

Steve looks at him and blinks back tears before nearly crashing them down against the bed. He tucked his head against Eddie’s neck and wraps his arms around him. Eddie does the same and holds him, rubbing his back and squeezing him close.

They stay like that, until the tears are gone and they can hear muffled fireworks going off now. Eddie’s on his back now with Steve cuddled next to him, head on his chest.

It’s a lot more intimate than they normally are, they’ve shared a bed before several times, actually. They’re close and both crave touch, but never this close. There’s something different swirling around them.

“Eds?”

He hums out and continues on with the pattern he’s making against Steve’s back with his fingers, “yeah?”

“It’s my birthday” Steve whispers it, like it’s a secret.

He freezes, hand completely flat against Steve’s back now. His whole body goes nearly stiff under him, because what?

“What?”

Steve shrugs, moves slightly to look at him, “today, it’s my birthday. I um, I’m officially 20”

He blinks and sits up more, confusion all over his face, “You- you got tortured on your birthday?”

The only answer he gets is a nod, Steve shifts back to cuddle him. “Yeah, kept it to myself. They, everyone, doesn’t know.”

It makes his heart hurt hearing that Steve was tortured on his birthday and that they didn’t know. It’s only as that thought goes through his mind, that he goes over what Steve said.

“They know it’s your birthday, right?”

Steve shook his head, squeezing his arms and hiding his face. He can feel his shirt start to get damp, making itself known that Steve is tearing up again.

“Stevie, why don’t the-” he shakes his head, deciding questions aren’t needed right now. He doesn’t need explanations, actually.

Right now all he wants is to hug and keep this man safe.

Eventually the sounds of fireworks die out, soon just chirps from birds and the wind blowing against the trees, muffled sounds of people laughing is all the white noise they need to fall asleep, along with how comfortable they both are.

They’re also emotionally drained, Steve especially.

~

He feels warm, comfortable and safe. He cuddles his pillow more and freezes for a split second when it shifts. It takes another second to remember where he is, who he’s with and what happened.

Steve’s cheeks burn as he shifts to look at Eddie under him, he’s still asleep. Looks relaxed and soft, beautiful. It makes his heart start to beat a little faster.

Eddie starts to open his eyes and he squints at him, “Staring is creepy, Stevie”

Quickly he shifts away from him and looks everywhere but at Eddie. He feels the bed move and hopes Eddie isn’t about to kick him out for staring.

“Hey, I wasn’t ready to give up with the cuddles” Eddie whines, and Steve knows that if he looks he’ll find a pout on Eddie’s face.

He shakes his head and fights back the smile, “I’m sorry”

“Don’t say sorry, I want the Stevie cuddles.” Eddie smiles and moves closer, wrapping his arms around him, “come on, it’s like-“ he glanced at his alarm clock, “it’s four in the morning, let’s sleep, okay? I won’t accept any sorry or explanations until the sun is out and I have breakfast with my favorite person”

All Steve can do is nod his head, slowly moving with Eddie to lay back down.

It’s quiet, Steve can feel Eddie’s fingers doing twirls and lines against his back. It’s slowing down and Steve can tell Eddie’s falling back asleep.

It’s nice, this is wonderful maybe even perfect. Steve wonders if this is what it’d be like if they were in a relationship together. If Eddie is even more touchy, if the nicknames extend past the normal Stevie and sweetheart.

“I can hear you thinking, Stevie”

He freezes and looks up to see Eddie already looking towards him, “sorry?”

“No need to be sorry, just, why are you still awake?”

Looking away, he thinks about it. Really thinks about it and maybe, just maybe, he could be a little more vulnerable with Eddie. Thinks that of all the people to immediately act and help him, was Eddie. That he took him away from all the eyes and took him home, gave him tea and held him.

So, he can be a brave right now.

Moving, he sits up and brings Eddie with him. He’s confused but moves willingly. They’re just looking at each other and he needs another moment to get his mind set. Taking a deep breath, he grabs hold on Eddie’s hands.

“Eddie, I need to tell you something and I don’t want this to ruin anything between us. I really, really hope this doesn’t ruin it. Because you’re important to me. So please, just listen to me and promise you’ll still be here”

Eddie blinks, confused and concerned.

“You can tell me anything, sweetheart.”

He nods and tightens his hands around Eddie’s before blowing out some air, “I, I thin- no, I know I love you. I’m in love with you, Eddie. For a while now but I was scared and worried that if I said that word, that I’d be left alone and you’d leave. But after what you did for me, I- I need you to know that I feel this way for you.”

It’s quiet and Steve can’t keep looking at Eddie as the time keeps passing by, he wants to bolt, wants to leave; needs to leave if Eddie stays quiet longer.

Feels like an eternity has passed before he feels Eddie’s hands on his face, as they move him to look at him. Makes him realize not only was he crying but Eddie’s tearing up now.

“Eddie I-”

“Don’t apologize, if that’s what you were going to do, please don’t apologize. Actually, stop apologizing to me today. I need you to realize I don’t need them, and I don’t need you thinking you have to leave, either.”

All he can do is shut his mouth, another sorry on the tip of his tongue. Eddie’s mouth tips to knowing smile, before he moves his hands down and around his neck.

“Stevie, I’m going to kiss you now. Okay?”

This is not where he thought he’d end up, but as Eddie smiles again before coming in close. He’ll take it.

He’s imagined kissing Eddie, of course. Has had dreams that woke him up needing a cold shower, had a million thoughts and wants, but it has nothing on actually kissing him.

The first kiss is salty from tears, it’s soft despite the chapped lips. It’s everything and more. His favorite part isn’t the kiss itself, though this will become addicting eventually, no his favorite part is Eddie resting his forehead against his own and the quick kiss to his nose before pulling back with a smile and, “I’m in love with you too, honey love”

Steve matches that smile, feeling high and happy. So happy, he immediately wraps his arms around Eddie in a joyful hug with tears and laughter. “I love you so much, Eddie”

They spend the rest of the night curled together. The next morning will be filled with more laughter, kisses and cuddles. Eventually they’ll talk about what happened, those explanations will be needed and heard. Someday, in the future, Steve will be honest with everyone and tell them what he went to.

For now, they’re settled on the couch lazily making out. Everything else put on hold, they deserve a lazy day together.

— —

UH, this was supposed to be a short hurt/comfort thing for the 4th of July, but it uhhhh got away from me? Like really got away. Anyway, i hope you enjoyed it! If you saw any mistakes let me know!!

Quick shout out to @i-less-than-three-you for helping out with this! Thanks for listening to me talk myself into this and then help with some of the plot )she came up with Steve’s birthday idea 😈) so thank you and I love you 🩷

Permanent tag list: (if you want to be added let me know!!)

@spectrum-spectre @itsfreakingbats @mysticcrownshipper @artiststarme @thereindeerlady @justforthedead89 @ronniescontinuum @freyaforestafay @littlewildflowerkitten @estrellami-1 @gregre369 @zerokrox-blog @bookworm0690 @flustratedcas @carlprocastinator1000 @marvelmwah @solliesolesito @navnae @i-less-than-three-you

[ever-eilish]

Hey can you do a chishiya fic where the reader gets drunk and it became chaotic?? And chishiya is just there and 🤦‍♂️. That would be fun. Btw i like the other fic too.

Drunken questions

chishiya x fem!reader

after a few drinks, you finally get the courage to ask something very peculiar to the man who has been occupying your mind for a long time.

author's notes: I had lots of fun writing this, but sorry if this is not what you wanted!! thank you for requesting, and, once again, english is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes! enjoy💓

warnings: drunk!reader and lots of fluff!

I don't know exactly how it happened. The only thing I remember is Kuina giving me some kind of "special drink", which she had made herself, and what was supposed to be one, ended up becoming two, and what was supposed to be two ended up becoming three, and now I've lost count of how many of these drinks I've had.

I was dancing to some bad music that was blaring from the hundreds of speakers on the beach, disturbing those trying to sleep, and I was having the best of the best days.

I've always been a party person; I always liked the energy of the crowd when certain songs came on, and in the real world, my favorite pastime was going to crappy bars that smelled like cheap beer and dancing to even crappier music. Well, at least I was living.

Living. Something I stopped doing the moment I arrived in this hell, but somehow, I felt like now I was living. I think the last time I felt so happy here on the beach was when Chishiya hugged me for the first time. I don't think any drink will be able to overcome the heat of his body close to mine.

The current song - which sounded like some terrible remix of some current pop song - ended, and the next song started, making the crowd scream in euphoria.

Before I can start dancing again, I feel a soft yet strong hand pull me off the dance floor.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I scream, without even trying to notice who owns the hand, and I try to free myself, but the grip around my arm is too strong.

"You've had enough for today." I heard a monotonous voice speak to me.

Oh, hi Chishiya.

"Hey, you can't pull me like that!" I shout back, as he continues pulling me to a quieter corner of the party.

Even though I'm against the idea, I let him lead me.

"How many drinks did you have? Shit, I told Kuina not to give you those things" he says, placing me in front of him, when he stopped walking and faced me in a random corner of the beach.

"I lost count," I say with a laugh. My words sound slurred, and I assume that, just maybe, I'm a little drunk.

Chishiya rolls his eyes, and I see him run his hands through his blonde hair, a clear sign of irritation.

I admit, it's strange to see the usually unflappable man looking so stressed.

"Come on, let's go to the room," he says, and he grabs my arm again, leading me towards his room.

What's his problem with pulling me?

"Aren't you even going to buy me a drink first?" I say teasingly.

The man doesn't respond at all, but I can see a small hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

The way to the room was complicated. I tripped over my own feet several times and staggered more than what was considered normal for a drunk person, causing Chishiya to have to stop and help me steady myself on the ground more than three times.

Damn, Kuina, what did you put in those drinks?

We arrive at the blonde man's room, and he immediately opens the door sits me on the bed, bends down, and starts taking off my shoes. He takes them off and leaves the pair of sneakers next to the bed.

"Calm down, handsome!" I say this as I feel him get up and start trying to take off the shirt I was wearing over my bikini.

He just gives me a angry look, and finally I let him take off my shirt.

He pushes me by the shoulders, making me lie down on the bed. Once I'm lying down, he covers me with a white blanket that smells like him.

It wasn't like it was the first time I slept in his room. I sleep in his room more than I sleep in mine, to be honest.

My relationship with Chishiya is confusing. We have affection for each other, an affection that is more than just friendly. I know he likes me; he just doesn't know it yet.

But I can feel the love overflowing when he cares about me and when he takes care of me. Exactly like he is doing now.

I can feel the love overflowing the moment that, when I arrive at the beach after yet another cruel game, I feel his arms around my body in a brief but very meaningful hug.

And finally, I can feel the love overflowing when he lets me sleep in his room. Even though he has never slept next to me, because even if I wanted to, I wouldn't dare ask him to sleep with me, I know that he feels something for me.

Maybe because of the drink, or maybe just because I want to, but all I know is that before I can think about my words, they escape my mouth.

"Stay with me?"

He, who was already turning to leave the room, turns back and looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

Please, say yes.

Without saying anything, he just takes off his sneakers and lies down silently next to me.

We lay there, just staring at the ceiling for a few minutes.

The drink really gave me more courage, because the only thing I know now is that I turned onto my side and laid my head on Chishiya's chest.

I feel his whole body tense, and for a moment I fear I’ve done something wrong.

But, in the next second, his body relaxes, and he brings his right hand up, lightly stroking my head.

My eyes feel increasingly heavy, and I can feel myself drifting into a light, dreamless sleep.

Even though, the next morning, when I wake up with a dull headache and a dry mouth, Chishiya is no longer by my side, I notice that the furniture next to the bed now contains a glass of water and headache medicine. 

[thegracefulknight]

Ciel/Lizzy Playlist

Long post ahead

Okay, so I tried made a list of songs which I think would be perfect for them. ♫ These songs are based from both of their POVs, though it may lean more towards Lizzy's.

Each song is arranged according to how O!Ciel and Lizzy's dynamics progressed through the manga. I also included parts of the song lyrics that highlight their relationship well, or those that resonate with important parts in their story. The first few songs are kinda meh but the last ones are sure to hurt like crazy! xD This playlist has 26 songs btw, so prepare your tissues and cry with me!

Hope you guys give it a listen! ♡

Song List:

1. Sad Song (We The Kings ft. Elena Coats)

—A light, almost fairy-tale like opening highlighting Lizzy and her dreams with R!Ciel. Together with O!Ciel, they are three children living in their happy, idyllic childhood.

"You're the perfect melody, the only harmony I wanna hear / You're my favorite part of me/ With you standing next to me /I've got nothing to fear"

2. When You're Gone (Avril Lavigne)

— Lizzy's sorrow after the murder of the Phantomhives. She remembers the boy she had sacrificed a lot of things for, the boy who was supposed to be her fairytale ending.

"When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you / When you're gone, the face I came to know is missing too/ And when you're gone /The words I need to hear to always get me through the day /And make it okay /I miss you"

3. Safe and Sound (Taylor Swift ft. Joy Williams & Paul White)

— "Ciel" returns after one month; however, he has now changed. For the sake of the broken boy who returned to her, Lizzy makes another sacrifice, vowing to be a wife that could protect him, and keep him safe.

"Just close your eyes, the sun is going down / You'll be alright / No one can hurt you now / Come morning light / You and I'll be safe and sound"

4. Your Guardian Angel (The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus)

— Despite not wanting to get closer to her initially, O!Ciel finds himself caring for his brother's betrothed. He has protected her time and again, and vows to always protect her at all costs.

"Seasons are changing, and waves are crashing / And stars are falling all for us / Days grow longer and nights grow shorter / I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall) / I'll stand up with you forever / I'll be there for you through it all (through it all) / Even if saving you sends me to heaven"

5. THE CONTORTIONIST (Melanie Martinez)

— A song where Lizzy contemplates on how she keeps up the facade of being cute for her fiancé because of a comment made a long time ago. This song highlights the moment where she decides she is done pretending to be weak and cute.

"Twisted all my limbs for you / Two of them in knots and two of them in loops / Ribbons tied around like a noose / Wonder if I'll ever get it loose / I don't wanna bruise for you /Holding back my words until my face is blue (Huh) /I don't really care 'bout your crew / You can tell 'em what you wanted to

... I'm done, I'm done /Done doing backbends, I break and I snap / It's no fun, no fun / Pushed myself into a box while you held out a gun /I'm done! Wah ha ha ha ha ha hah! / I'm done, I'm done! Wah ha ha ha ha ha hah!"

6. Queen (Loren Gray)

— The theme for the monumental scene where she drops the act and reveals her strength in the midst of the bizarre dolls. For love, the throws away her beauty. Which only leaves the boy beside her struck with awe at this new side of her.

"You can call me a princess all you like / 'Cause you like to keep me helpless by your side / But it ain't what I want, I'ma show you, I'ma show you / How to treat me like a queen /Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

/ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah / Boy, you better bow down on your knees / Can I get a "Yes, your majesty?"

7. You'll Be Safe Here (Rico Blanco)

— After Lizzy's unexpected revelation, the earl accepts her true self and begins to admire her more.

"Close your eyes, dry your tears / 'Cause when nothing seems clear / You'll be safe here from the sheer weight / Of your doubts and fears / Weary heart, you'll be safe here

... "And though the world would never understand / This unlikely union and why it still stands / Someday, we will be set free / Pray and believe"

8. So Close (Jon McLaughlin)

— The victory party after the second Sapphire Miracle has been memorable, not only for students, but also for the guests. Just for this one night, O!Ciel lets himself enjoy the night by dancing.. with her.

"A life goes by, romantic dreams must die / So I bid mine goodbye and never knew / So close was waiting, waiting here with you / And now forever I know / All that I want is to hold you so close

So close to reaching that famous happy ending / Almost believing this one's not pretend / Now you're beside me, and look how far we've come / So far we are so close"

9. You and I (Tatu)

— A song about the earl and the lady as a reflection of their circumstances, and their wish to protect. And wanting to believe.

"Just a side / To an anguished street, criticized/ For what we believe / If we hide, maybe we can make it through this / Is it fair, to be burned away? / Is it fair, that we live this way? /Victimized, for a life we didn't ask for

No truths to confirm / No lies to deny / Too hopeless to care /We're too scared to cry"

10. Smoke (PVRIS)

— Lizzy thinks she and her beloved have gotten closer, but have they? Somewhere in her mind, there is a small fuse waiting to be lit.

"You're just a ghost of blissful feelings / A cloud of smoke that I keep breathing / An illusion, I'm losing you to the games in my mind. / I see your face, an apparition / But now it's changed / Shape shifting / Don't wanna open my eyes."

11. Set Fire to the Rain (Adele)

— Just as Lizzy thought things will start changing for the better between them, small things that went unnoticeable at first are now telling her that something.. still feels not right.

"But there's a side to you / That I never knew, never knew /All the things you'd say / They were never true, never true / And the games you'd play / You would always win, always win"

12. Aoki Tsuki Michite (Book of Circus ED Theme, covered by AmaLee)

— A song where O!Ciel looks back on the choices he made, as he strengthens his resolve to go down the path he chose.

"Praise your palette of lies / For it's a masterpiece that you have created / All of your promises, bleeding in flawless harmony

Sing another spell, paint another dream / We could bring to life a new reality / All of my mistakes, gathering like storm clouds / Will soon rain down on me"

13. I Know You (Skylar Grey)

— Trying to ignore her doubts, Lizzy still continues to yearn to understand her fiancé who has changed and remained distant ever since that month. In her deepest wishes, she pleads to be allowed inside his heart.

"I believe, I believe there's love in you / Gridlocked on the dusty avenues / Inside your heart, just afraid to go / I am more, I am more than innocent / But just take a chance and let me in / And I'll show you ways that you don't know

Don't complicate it, don't let the past dictate, Yeah / I have been patient, but slowly I'm losing faith

So please, I know you, baby / I know you, baby / So please, I know you, baby / I know you, baby"

14. Demons (Imagine Dragons; covered by Sam Tsui & Kurt Hugo Schneider)

— Despite Lizzy's efforts, the earl remains distant. He has embraced the darkness and his impending end, and the only thing he believes he can do is to keep her at a distance, for more reasons than one.

"They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate / It's woven in my soul / I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright / I wanna save that light / I can't escape this now / Unless you show me how"

15. Leave the Memories Alone (Fuel)

— A song from the earl's POV, as he reminisces the past and how he wishes to keep Lizzy in the light.

"I wanted you.. to stay by the windowsill with the blooming roses."

"So I find me in your garden now / A sad smile for the scene / And all the flowers that we planted now / Taken by the weeds / But in my minds eye, you know they still bloom for me / They stand tall there, in that summer breeze

Leave the memories alone, I don't want to see / The way it is, as to how it used to be / Leave the memories alone, don't change a thing / And I'll just hold you here in my memory"

16. What Was I Made For? (Billie Eilish)

— Lizzy reflects on her duties as the future wife of the Queen's Watchdog, and her sadness at not being able to help or understand the earl. The growing distance between them makes her feel desperate for answers.

"I used to float, now I just fall down / I used to know, but I'm not sure now / What I was made for / What was I made for? / Takin' a drive, I was an ideal / Looked so alive, turns out, I'm not real / Just something you paid for / What was I made for?

'Cause I, I / I don't know how to feel, but I wanna try / I don't know how to feel, but someday I might / Someday I might"

17. Empty (PVRIS)

— Desperate to find a way to understand O!Ciel, Lizzy starts going to the Sphere Music Hall. However, what she finds there changes her forever.

"You see I want the world to believe, that there's a light inside of me / But it's time that I'll come clean / I'm not what I seem, no / Some would say I'm possessed, yeah / But I'll confess, I've just been obsessed / With life and death and emptiness, I guess / Can't you see all of the change in me?"

18. My Immortal (Evanescence)

— Lizzy remembers all the sacrifices she made for Ciel. She gave her heart for her betrothed, but now that she realizes her love has been given to two different people, where does her love for one end, and where does it begin for the other? Who does she really love? Somehow, she already knows the answer, and it is causing her anguish over her supposed love. *This song could be interpreted to be directed to both the twins, as Lizzy thought all this time that she was loving one person only.

"You used to captivate me by your resonating light / Now I'm bound by the life you left behind / Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams / Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal / This pain is just too real / There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears / When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears / And I held your hand through all of these years / But you still have all of me"

19. Stay With Me (Danity Kane)

— Lizzy is in disbelief after discovering that the Ciel she has been with for the past three years was not her true betrothed. She tries so hard to hold on to the image of O!Ciel, the boy who accepted her, and the fiance she has come to love with all her heart. However, the ugly, undeniable truth is right in front of her.

"I've searched my heart over so many many times / No you and I, is like no stars to light the sky at night / Our picture hangs up to remind me of the days / You promised me we'd always be / And never go away / That's why I need you to stay

Stay with me, don't let me go / Cause I can't be without you /Just stay with me and hold me close / Because I've built my world around you / And I don't wanna know what it's like without you / So stay with me, just stay with me, stay.."

20. Because of You (Kelly Clarkson)

— Looking back to the times she tried to keep up her cheerful facade and balancing it with her strong side in front of the boy she loved— O!Ciel, Lizzy finally shatters under the grief and heartache of learning his lie.

"I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh/ Every day of my life/ My heart can't possibly break / When it wasn't even whole to start with.."

"...Because of you, I try my hardest just to forget everything / Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in / Because of you

I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty / Because of you / I am afraid"

21. Stand In The Rain (Superchick)

— She's mad, she's confused, she doesn't know what to do. She wants to return to the days where she doesn't know anything, and be by his side. But her duty is to remain here. Heartbroken, mad at herself and filled with guilt, she compensates by staying by R!Ciel's side.

"She won’t make a sound / Alone in this fight with herself / And the fears whispering if she stands she’ll fall down

She wants to be found / The only way out is through everything / She’s running from, wants to give up and lie down

So stand in the rain, stand your ground / Stand up when it’s all crashing down / You stand through the pain, you won’t drown / And one day what’s lost can be found / You stand in the rain"

22. Beautiful Girl (Broken Iris)

— O!Ciel's lies, mistakes and choices have finally come to haunt him. He realizes this as soon as his eyes met his twin brother's. And most of all, he finally discovers the reason why Lizzy left.

"Last embrace, forcing you away before it's too late / I end this day in a most bitter way / A regretful state but...

I'll never forget those eyes, that beautiful smile. I still remember the way you said "good-bye" / No matter how hard I try I can't forget about /

Beautiful Girl, on top of the world / Don't fall down, because an angel / Should never touch ground.."

23. Never Be The Same (Red)

— The sudden appearance of R!Ciel turns his world upside down. Remaining silent with a darkened expression on his face, a disheartened, regretful earl reminisces his memories with Lizzy

"I can see, I can still find /You're the only voice my heart can recognize /But I can't hear you now, yeah. /I'll never be the same / I'm caught inside the memories, the promises /Are yesterdays and I belong to you. / I just can't walk away, 'cause after loving you / I can never be the same."

24. Broken Inside (Broken Iris)

— Fighting despair, the earl descends further deep into the darkness. He is determined to take back everything, no matter what it takes.

"The thinning line between you and my sanity / Is quickly fading / Takes just a breeze to cause a storm /Takes just a breath to cause a scream / It takes me to cause a tragedy.."

"Until the end of me, I swear / You'll be the death of me / I dare you to cross the line again / Because deep down inside /There's something that waits to be / Broken Inside"

25. The Scientist (Coldplay)

— O!Ciel should have known that this is coming. He knew he lied, and was willing to take this to his grave. But he didn't expect to feel like this when it did happen. If only things have been different..

"Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions / Oh let's go back to the start / Running in circles; coming up tails / Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy / It's such a shame for us to part / Nobody said it was easy / No one ever said it would be this hard / Oh take me back to the start"

26. Descent Within (Broken Iris)

— Outro; the perfect ending for a story doomed to end in tragedy

[monstermoviedean]

forgive me if this doesn’t make any sense but… if the “one day” that “something changed” is supposed to be jack being born, then idk if i like the implication that, before then, cas had just always felt lost and purposeless. are we talking since he left heaven, all the way back in s4? like idk but i’d always thought it was pretty clear that even when cas is unsure and making mistakes and misguided, even when he feels lost at times, starting in s4 when he began to help dean, cas had chosen his purpose to be protecting humanity and protecting his family. and he never really stopped trying to do that, that desire never really gets lost, even if he takes a wrong turn at times ie s6. so like that quote is confusing to me cause imo cas’s vision from jack should have just reaffirmed his desire to protect humanity, but the quote implies that he had found a new feeling of purpose with jack? what purpose, if not loving and protecting humanity? which imo was always there?!?

sorry for the word jumble, but your comments on that quote, a quote i’d not really paid much attention to in the past tbh lol, got me thinking 😅

this makes complete sense!!! and you definitely got my brain wheels turning so thank you! no yeah absolutely, it's weird, and the more i think about it the weirder it gets. here is the dialogue we're referencing, btw. i'll give the benefit of the doubt here and say: there are a lot of days cas could be referring to. it could be the day of lucifer rising, for example, or the day he was resurrected from purgatory, or the day he was resurrected from the empty. it could be any number of days. i cannot conclusively state that any one day is "the day."

but here's what led me to assume it was a jack-related day: that since jack has been back, cas has been hitting the "jack's destiny" talking points hard, and that he ends the speech with "i found a family, and i became a father. and in that, i rediscovered my faith. i rediscovered who i am."

on jack's destiny: here are the examples i can find from s15, all from 15x12. there aren't any additional discussions involving cas about jack's destiny in 15x11, 15x13, or 15x14.

so this is what immediately sprang to my mind when i heard cas talk about purpose. that in season 15, at this point, cas believes his purpose is to help jack fulfill his destiny. he is connecting his worth to jack's "success" in terms of jack doing what he's "supposed" to do. he has faith in jack. he has faith jack will be good for the world. without jack he is lost.

and this actually echoes 12x19 the future. this is from the production draft shared by @spnscripthunt-inactive. notice the themes of feeling no longer lost, of having faith, of feeling "normal" "for the first time in a long, long time." it may be worth mentioning that both 12x19 and 15x12 (where the above quotes come from) were written by meredith glynn and robert berens.

all of this together reads to me as: cas is defining himself and his own success by jack's success. and that changed on the day jack showed cas a vision of the future, a vision of "paradise" (according to cas). cas needs to believe his faith and trust in jack are correctly placed, that he is doing the right thing. he needs to believe he has a purpose, and he has decided his purpose is helping jack fulfill his (jack's) purpose.

and to thing #2 that made me believe the speech was about the day cas decided he was tied to jack: the way he closes the speech. "i found a family, and i became a father. and in that, i rediscovered my faith. i rediscovered who i am." finding a family and becoming a father are two separate things. finding a family happened much earlier. becoming a father is necessarily tied to jack (i'm not inclined to count claire here - not because she doesn't matter, but because i don't believe cas OR claire view cas as her father). and the way it reads to me is that when cas says "in that," he's talking about "in becoming a father." because it came later. i read it as "finding a family helped, but what really made me rediscover my faith and who i am was becoming a father." and that aligns pretty closely with what is said in 12x19!

so to your point (oh wow that was a long tangent, sorry). literally everything you're saying is spot-on to me. i think we can trace the roots of cas feeling lost and seeking a purpose all the way back to s4 - definitely! i think it's a huge struggle for him because he wants to have a purpose, he wants to feel like what he does matters, but it is difficult for him because he feels like he doesn't know what's right. prior to season 4 his purpose had been clearly spelled out for him (he's an angel, he does god's will). and while he no longer accepts that purpose as his own, i think he craves something as simple and straightforward as that purpose. it's really difficult for him in those s5-s12 years when he's bouncing around, trying to figure out what he should be doing! but i think you're absolutely right that the underlying theme, the underlying purpose is always protecting humanity, protecting his family. i'd add an element of "doing what's right/stopping evil" too. but yeah, cas DOES care about humanity. he DOES care about the little guy. he DOES want to prevent human suffering and misery, and to help relieve it wherever he can. it matters to me that cas cares about humanity because that's one of the things that makes him so different from the other angels. i think over time his tactics change to achieve the goal of protecting humanity, but the goal itself does not change.

so does being jack's father = protecting humanity? kind of. if we believe that jack will successfully usher in paradise, then yes, cas helping jack fulfill his destiny would make things better for humanity and arguably protect them (or reduce the amount of protection they need). but i don't think this has the same level of attention/care towards humans that cas has previously shown. it's about making sure jack succeeds so he can fix everything. it's not about making things better right now.

and this is where i get into opinion territory: i, like you, don't like the implication that cas has always felt lost and purposeless! lost, yes. unsure of his purpose, yes. but i feel like the framing here is that cas has just been aimlessly drifting about for all these years, totally incapable of finding a purpose. i do not think jack and god are the same but i don't see much of a difference between "i am an angel, i serve god's will" and "i am a father, i serve jack's will." especially because there is a chance, however slight, that jack was manipulating cas. that the vision jack showed cas was not a guarantee.

it feels to me like jack hands cas a purpose the same way god handed cas a purpose. and i thought the beauty of cas choosing free will was that he got to choose his purpose himself. this feels like it was chosen for him and he went along with it because it was easier to have a purpose selected for you by a being of unfathomable power. and i sympathize with that immensely! and i also think there was profound beauty in cas discovering his purpose on his own, even when it was a struggle.

[fandomnerd9602]

I like to imagine that death!reader before stalking the scarlet witch, had a wife (who is Natasha, btw), they were so in love, reader was like a grown puppy when natty was around, natasha loving her unusual red eyes. but when Natasha sacrificed herself to get the stone reader saw everything

Cue reader in limbo not wanting to let go of natty, gripping her hard and growling everytime Natasha mentions she has to go that it was her time to go, but reader just sobs harder.

All The Time

Natasha Romanoff x Death!Reader

You saw everything. Her struggles. Her victories. Her death.

Natasha Romanoff was in love with Death. Literally. Well she was in love with you. An ever present specter in her life. You followed her everywhere and then you made yourself known to her.

She fell in love and for the first time in an eternity, so did you. She could see past your skull like visage and view the loving and kind face that mask hid so well. Natasha had a way of caressing you that made all feel right in the universe.

You kept your marriage to her a secret, a well hidden one. She'd go to her room every night and you'd transport her to your kingdom when no one was looking. It was bliss, it was paradise, it was perfect.

But something perfect cannot last forever. The snap. It made chaos of what was supposed to be a perfect system. You made sure that Thanos would suffer a thousand times over in his death for trying to ruin the system that you were caretaker of.

Natasha sacrificed herself to help restore this system. You could only watch as the love of your immortal life threw herself off that cliff. You silently screamed into the void, no one could hear you.

You held her lifeless corpse close to your chest, weeping. Her skin was icy cold. Her eyes had lost their light. Your Natasha was gone. Gone to the void that all life ventures through.

You wake up screaming. It was another nightmare about her death. Your heart was shattered into a thousand piece and yet the job continues. Right now, you're trying to keep tabs on all her friends. The one causing the most issues is this Wanda Maximoff. Messing with the Darkhold is a dangerous game after all.

You rise from your ethereal bed and fasten your cloak back on. Time was not an issue in your domain, you existed outside of it after all.

You fasten your belt into place. You hook your twin scythes onto your trusty belt. Natasha used to tease you as you got ready for the day.

"We can just stay here" she'd smirk, rising from your bed with only a blanket to block your perfect view of her goddess like body. She'd tease you by letting the blanket slip a little, "I can give you a reason to stay"

"We have all the time in the world" you'd smirk back as you'd unfasten your belt, throw your cloak off and join her in your own bed. Your wife would be the death of you, if you could die.

You miss her. You lived so long and yet you never encountered another soul like hers before. Her scent, her smile, her touch.

"Detka" a familiar voice rings in your ears.

"Natasha" you whisper, a tear forming in your scarlet red eye.

You turn to see her standing there. Looking beautiful as ever. Scarlet red hair draped over a silky black robe.

"Hi honey" she smiles back.

'Y-You're here? How?" you throw down all your equipment and rush her. Holding her close, crying your eyes out. She wraps her arms around you tightly, holding onto you. Tears escaping her own eyes.

She pulls back, staring at you passionately before pulling you into one hungry kiss, one right after the other. Natasha could kiss you a thousand times and never feel like it was enough.

"This is a gift" she whispers as she kisses you hungrily. "The other deities brought me here. Said you did such a good job and all"

You roll your eyes, those softies. They knew how much you loved her. She caresses your cheek, staring at you with those orbs that you've memorized a thousand times over. This was no illusion, your Natasha was here.

"I can't leave here though" she explains, "I only exist here in our castle. our home"

"Now you're just giving me reasons to stay" you chuckle as she begins guiding you back to your bed.

She kisses you once, twice. and then behind your ear, and then your neck. Your fingers gently move to your wife's robe, playing with the hems.

"Stay" she whines in your ear. "we have time"

"All the time in the world"

[yandere-fics]

♡ How Daddy Sawyer Punishes You For Breaking Her Rules ♡

(Sorry this took so long, I finally got something to eat(food stamp day is tomorrow so I won't be starving to death finally lmao) today and then I ate too quickly and I felt tired and sick. BTW rule 10 is intentionally empty since it's the finishing rule.)

♡ Rule number 1: On days when daddy is home when you wake up, you must always give her a big kiss as soon as you wake up. On days when daddy has to leave for work make sure to call her and tell her good morning as soon as you wake up. ♡

You hated when she called in her security team just to escort you to her office, it was literally in the building next door and the security probably already knew that the only time they had to come get you was when she was planning on punishing you. Resisting however only made it worse so you acquiesced to her demands. If you resisted the punishment would change from something upsetting you can deal with to something you very much didn't want to deal with.

"Beloved, you sat in bed for approximately half an hour this morning and didn't even reach for your phone to tell me good morning nor did you attempt to say it to the camera." She patted her lap and you sat down trying to avoid making eye contact before correcting yourself and making sure to look her in the eyes to try not to make your punishment worse, "I thought we already discussed how important it is for you to tell me, how am I supposed to work if I am not given my good morning."

She sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose, turning you on her lap so she was cradling you closely. She reached for a blanket in the drawer of her desk and covered you. "I know you're upset that daddy is gone when you wake up but that's no excuse to ignore me, now I expect you to sit here on my lap for the rest of the day to make up for this."

♡ Rule Number 2: Always look daddy in the eyes when she's talking to you, you know how much she hates it when she can't see her beloved's precious eyes. ♡

"Look at me." She hissed which you ignored, you really didn't want to have to look at her right now, she'd fired your favorite body guard just because they accidentally bumped into you when they were guarding you because you stopped unexpectedly. You knew this was going to piss her off but you had to put your foot down on this, the guard did nothing wrong!

"Look. At. Me. I won't say it again." She squished your cheeks forcing your head in her direction but you closed your eyes. She let out a breath and you could tell she was rolling her eyes at your silly little defiance. "Do you want me to kill that guard for causing you to act like this, all you had to do is ask."

Your eyes flew open at that, staring straight into her eyes as she smugly smiled, leaning down and giving her a kiss on the forehead. "Good girl, now you know the rules for not looking at me when I ask. I think half an hour of time out sounds appropriate unless you want to keep arguing about this silly guard nonsense." You shook your head and let her lead you to the isolation room.

♡ Rule Number 3: Daddy must always know where you are, never leave the penthouse or her office without informing her and she must approve the location you're planning on going to. Daddy will assign you a bodyguard to go with if she approves the location. ♡

You'd broken a major rule today, this was by far the one she took the most seriously, said it was a matter of your security and never to be taken lightly. You hadn't yet seen what the punishment for this one would be however you knew it wasn't going to be pleasant considering how often she emphasized this rule in particular. You just wanted to be alone without a guard for a bit and it's not like anyone was going to hurt you when everyone knew exactly who you belonged to, they'd have to have a major death sentence. Still she wasn't likely to see reason and so you braced yourself as you walked into the penthouse with the bodyguard who had come to fetch you, a body guard who was promptly shot in the head by the guard right next to Sawyer.

"I thought I told you not to shoot that bastard while my beloved was in the room, you'll scare her." Yeah scared was uhm certainly a word that could describe it but really you just felt like you might actually piss your pants from what just happened. "Beloved, come sit on my lap." She snapped and pointed which led to you running over, just glad to not be standing next to the splatter corpse anymore.

"I'm sorry daddy, I shouldn't have gone out." She sighed and leaned back, her arm wrapping around your waist and also forcing you to lean back with her. The guard at her side promptly rushed to remove the body from the room though you doubted that would lessen the guards fate for firing so close to you even if they were 100% confident they wouldn't hit you.

"No you shouldn't have but it's okay, now you won't do it again." She lifted your foot, clicking something into place around your ankle, you looked down and it was an ankle monitor. "This is set so you can't step out of the apartment or my office unless I put in a code on my phone which will allow you to go to the place you have asked me permission to go, it will inform me if you're idling on the path or not going where you promised you would go."

♡ Rule Number 4: Don't remove the collar daddy put on you, no matter how angry you might be with her. ♡

The collar hadn't been easy to get off, not that it was tight, she would never point anything harmful around her beloved's neck however it was built solidly and it was very hard to pick the lock on the clasp area. Still it felt entirely worth it once you got it off, it's not like she'd knows, you were in the spa, a place the guards couldn't follow you into that didn't have cameras and you needed a break from feeling like property, you could always snap it back on later-

"Miss Y/N, you have a call from the boss, she would like you to answer as soon as you step outside of the sauna." The guard shouted from outside the sauna door, likely still on the phone with Sawyer. Well fuck there went your plans for a bit of independence you thought bitterly as you popped your collar back on. You threw on a long robe and stepped outside the steam room yanking the phone from the guard.

"Beloved, there you are, I noticed you opened your collar, honestly I thought the alert feature would be useless since my good girl would never try but it seems I was right to installed it in the lock." She cleared her throat. "I expect you back this instant, you've lost outdoor privileges for a month."

♡ Rule Number 5: When daddy gives you a gift, say thank you and accept it. Never reject her gifts, it's very impolite since she bought it with you in mind specifically. ♡

"Daddy, isn't this a bit much?" You whined, trying to sneak a few things out of the cart and back onto the shelf when she wasn't paying attention. She only hummed continuing to examine a dress she thought would look good on you, a floral sundress, she did really like the way you looked in a sundress.

"Beloved, you know what the rule is." She said sharply, tossing it into the cart without looking back, you looked at the price tag, yeah that was definitely getting put back on the rack when she wasn't looking, it's not like she'd remember every single thing she had picked out for you on this shopping trip.

"Yeah but-" "Shh no buts, just take the gifts." She finally looked down at the cart noticing some of the things she'd excitedly picked out just for you had seemingly vanished from the cart. "Pretty girl, it seems we can leave this store until you understand just how much daddy needs to spoil you. Put everything you removed back in the cart, we're going to be here all day."

♡ Rule Number 6: Never use your toys without daddy's permission, if daddy is almost done with work then you are to wait for daddy to arrive home and take care of you. ♡

You were so close when your vibrator suddenly switched itself off. You whined as you went to check if the batteries had died before you noticed Sawyer standing there with the remote in her hand glaring at you from the doorway. "Aww did my sweet baby girl think she was gonna get to cum without daddy especially since you should have been aware daddy was going to be home very soon."

"I- I'm sorry, I just didn't want to disrupt your work with such a silly question." She kicked her shoes off and pulled her pants and boxers off, holding up a hands to stop you when you went to pull the toy out.

"No no, I want to see how messy that toy has gotten my beloved." She crawled up the bed until her face was between you legs, her hands gently pushing the toy in and out watching how your cute hole clung to the toy desperate for the release she denied you. "You're not cumming until I cum tonight and you know how long it takes for daddy to cum especially when she's mad at her baby."

♡ Rule Number 7: Never reject daddy's touch when she's in heat, you don't have to allow her to knot you however you must accept her touches or she might get very angry. ♡

"Daddy I really don't want to cuddle right now, please?" You grumbled as she pulled you into her arms tightly, rubbing against you as if she needed to merge and become one with you, growling when you tried your best to get out of her arms.

"Beloved, you know how badly my heart affects me right, I need to be close to my beloved and if you aren't willing to cuddle then I assume that means you want to do something else." She slipped your sleep shorts and panties to the side and her cock throbbed painfully against your hole begging to finally be close to you.

"N-no please I don't want to be knotted right now-" "Shh daddy needs to be as close to you as she can be, my beloved mate, you knew what you were doing when you wouldn't let me cuddle you."

♡ Rule Number 8: When daddy tells you she loves you, you must always say it back, even if you're really mad you can't hurt daddy's feelings by not reciprocating her love. ♡

"I love you, beloved." You ignored her continuing to focus on your book trying your best to keep a straight face and act as if you didn't hear her so then she wouldn't be able to punish you since it wasn't your fault, you just didn't hear her, even though it was really because you really didn't want to get distracted from your book.

"My beloved, set your book down now..." She growled causing you to jump in your seat and rush to place a bookmark in your book. You looked over at her and gave a sweet "What is it, daddy?"

"Beloved I know you heard me-" "No I didn't what was it you said daddy?" She scowled as you still tried to play innocent, standing up and walking over to you, swiftly picking you up and sitting down on the couch with you over her knee.

"How does 50 spankings sound maybe then you'll remember what daddy said to you." "Wait I remember-" "Count."

♡ Rule Number 9: Tell daddy you love her after a punishment, it's important to kiss and make up. ♡

You'd been in the isolation room for what felt like the entire day, you couldn't remember what it was you had said that pissed her off so much but either way it leads to a very long time out and so when she opened the door, her arms wide open waiting for you to come hug her, you didn't feel the most inclined to act nice about it even if it was going to lengthen your punishment.

"Beloved, come here. I need your love." Yeah yeah you knew what she was expecting you to say if you wanted to get out however you had no intentions of saying it even if you had to be in here a week. She sighed and left the room with a disappointed "I'll check on you in an hour."

♡ Rule Number 10: Remember even when daddy is punishing you, you're still her beloved mate. ♡

[jenneyquinn]

𝐦𝐞𝐥𝐨𝐝𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐛𝐨𝐲

in which melody looks for a date to her cousin’s wedding

a/n: happy 10 years to soos and the real girl :’) yes, this is a reverse falls hc! and NO, there is no reverse!dipcifica here

so, for reverse falls, obviously melody would be the mystery shack’s handywoman (for a moment, i considered deuce—gideon’s version of soos, who is canon btw—to work for the mystery shack, but since he only existed for a gag, melody’s stepping in for soos’ role)

some background to reverse!melody: though she works for the mystery shack, she doesn’t have the same loyalty that soos has for the pines family in canon—but she is faithful to gideon (doesn’t like the abusive nature of gideon’s parents)

basically she shares soos’ trait of loyalty to gideon, pacifica, and robbie (who takes wendy’s role)

since melody has been loyal and a dedicated employee to the mystery shack for years, one day, pacifica wonders out loud what melody does in her free time

like canon!soos, she cares for her grandmother at home, leaving only little time for her to play video games due to all the responsibilities of her work and home life

well aware of how quiet melody’s social life is, that night, her grandmother mentions her cousin’s upcoming wedding—asking her granddaughter to find a date to accompany her

unbeknownst to everyone, melody has tried dating before—more than several times (pun not intended) anyways…

and after that magician, she’s pretty much given up—but for her grandmother’s sake, the handywoman could give it another try

the following day at work, due to the lack of spare time she has, melody gets some dating apps on her phone and starts her search

… only to just as quickly feel defeated when she finds out that all the guys that have swiped right on her, not only looked attractive, but had off-putting personalities—who knew that a bio could turn someone off just like *snaps* THAT

gideon is the one who notices that melody’s not as upbeat as she usually is at work, immediately drawing concern from the white-haired boy

melody, you okay?

no… *continues swiping left, the defeated look remains on her face as she gazes down at her phone* how am i supposed to find a dumb match when all these guys are creeps?

did someone say MATCH?

*cues a cutoff from the shack to the mall, where gideon and pacifica take melody to meet people in real life*

though melody actually does a great job at getting male attention, it’s the latter that needs to pick up their slack

but can you blame her though, is there like any guy in town that isn’t totally disgusting??

don’t worry, melody, you’ll find the right guy—you just need to stick *slaps a sticky-hand toy onto her face* with it! haha!

*sighs* could this day get any worse?

right on cue, melody spots her cousin and her fiancé from across the hall—promptly causing the former to panic and take refuge inside a video game store

you know what? maybe she’ll be perfectly fine playing video games for the rest of her life… she’s got a steady job, her work friends and family are enough for her already—she should probably let a good thing be, she thinks

however, not a moment later, gideon brings a video game to melody—romance academy 7

maybe you can take your mind off your cousin’s wedding with this?

who knows, it’ll probably help you get back out there?

i dunno guys… *inspecting the case* there’s a note on it that says “destroy at all costs”

okay… besides, we can probably try to find you a date before the mall closes

just when pacifica makes her suggestion, melody makes eye contact with some jerk that winks at her—yunno, in that cocky way that gives you the ick within seconds

so, the handywoman clutches the disc

actually, i think i’ll take my chances

that night, melody tries the game out, hoping the game doesn’t turn out to be made by similar creeps that try (and fail) to hit on her

hi there! i’m gifford, a student at school university. do you need help carrying your books?

as 3 options pop-up on the computer screen: yes of course!, i can carry my own books weirdo!, oh look a squid!—melody clicks on the second response

though the game buzzes, signaling that she chose the wrong answer, gifford’s demeanor doesn’t change

okay, this game’s dumb

oh don’t be like that, just try again! could i please help you carry your books?

figuring she could at least humour the game for one night, and gifford was at least asking nicely, melody clicks the first option and gets awarded 100 “love points”

what would you like to talk about?

despite the options that show up, melody replies out loud

samurais sound pretty cool…

i think you’re pretty cool, too!

okay, this game is officially weird, she thinks, then shuts off the game and goes to sleep

how can that game hear me?

the morning after, melody hits the mall with the kids again, trying to forget whatever happened the night before

as soon as they get inside, gideon’s already trying to hold his cousin back from running into the men’s room and pushing them outside to meet melody

she’s just about to go after the kids until a familiar aritifcial voice calls out to her

hi, melody!

after spotting gifford at one of the display monitors in the front of a tv store, melody starts to get weirded out again; many questions swarming her mind

then, once gifford explains his story to melody, she’s absolutely disturbed, rushing to get home and pick up the disc to return it…

… that was, until she bumps into a vendor in the middle of the mall floor

ah, gee, i’m so sorry about that

she apologizes with haste, helping the worker pick up some of the fallen product

no worries, dude. you seem a little panicky, though. have you tried the mini trains here? i like riding them on my breaks

she corner of her lip quirks up, laughing a bit at the guy

i haven’t, actually… they sound fun, but i guess, with being an adult and all, i should be going for the massage chairs instead

nah—if it’s fun, why not? i’d say do it

you’re right… for the record, i think it’s awesome how you totally own it! i’d never think anybody working at meat cute, let alone any adult, would be into riding tiny trains!

well, i wouldn’t say work’s a total bummer… extreme lunch meats are the food of the future

she nods, agreeing

i feel the same way. i’m melody, by the way

i’m soos

and that’s how melody ends up getting ready for a date with soos, the meat cute guy

feeling more relaxed, she goes home to pick up the cursed video game, then heads to hoo-ha owl’s pizzamatronic jamboree for her date

then, of course, everything goes well until melody discovers that gifford is stalking her and soos out of enraged jealousy and all hell breaks loose

i never agreed to be your girlfriend!

but think about it: real guys are nothing but self-centred creeps and jerks—do you really think that soos will forgive you after this disaster of a date?

melody does consider the guilt from her date… though gifford is clearly the reason she got herself into this mess, she chose to buy the game and use gifford to make her feel better

but was the guilt really worth installing her brain into the game and being gifford’s prisoner forever?

looking between gifford, the kids, and her date, melody knew she had to act fast: causing her to throw the disc into the fires of the oven—destroying gifford for good

after all the chaos, melody and soos are back sitting in the middle of all the wreckage

soos, i’m sorry for all this… i guess you must be scared of me now, huh?

believe it or not, this is the first date i’ve ever been in

really?

girls don’t seem to like me…

“well, i do…” she admits, staring down and smiling before looking back up at him:

“oh, hey, you wouldn’t maybe be interested in being my plus-one to my cousin’s wedding in a week? i promise there’s like zero homicidal animatronics.”

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

this was supposed to be longer but i got tired (and realized maybe this wasn't such a good idea) so i kinda bs'd this to just finish it up. sorry it doesn't look all that good lol

transcript of my shitty handwriting + more rambling under cut

panel 1:

len: rin, just leave him—

rin: NO! i'm not going to give up now—

len: i know you're upset, but all you're doing is—

rin: HE'S NOT GONE YET!

panel 2:

rin: i know he still remembers, he has to...

panel 3:

rin: kaito-san, it's me; rin. you tried singing one of len and i's songs the other day. you got the melody right, remember? meiko-san's birthday is soon. remember her? a few weeks ago you said you needed to buy her a present. what were you going to get her? do you remember? tell me.

---

aight yea so this is what yall get for picking that ❄️📺❔🕚💾🪦 option on the poll (which btw was related to this drawing)

i'll just keep it simple: basically kaito gets dementia (or i guess the robot equivalent of it??). yeah.

not sure if this takes place on the cusp of v3 happening and just this specific kaito v1 module was unable to be updated for some reason? or if they're all still stuck in v2 and v3 hasn't happened yet/will not happen for a while... but i do know its def before v4 happened, so people like fukase and una don't exist yet

anyways though as you might expect, it pretty much sucks all around for everyone involved. not just the other 5 cryptonloids watching their close friend so previously full of life deteriorate into a husk of his former self, but for kaito himself too. he suddenly can't remember things like where he is or who the people around him are, and its incredibly frustrating b/c he knows he did have the memories at some point, its just as if they got misplaced... there's random bits of recollections that do come sometimes but as much as he tries to hold onto them they flicker and fade away just as quick as they appeared. left sinking back into a feeling of hopelessness that then becomes pure emptiness, as you can feel how you're losing yourself but there's quite literally nothing you can do

visually the static is used to represent a lot of that "foggy" feeling as things become more and more unclear, and given the robot/android nature it makes sense i guess? it's not really seen here but just as an actual machine might be when breaking down, his visual + audio processors begin to malfunction, causing a literal static overlay on his vision with faces/objects he can't recognize occasionally glitching out as well as constant white noise in his hearing and the sound of people talking to him becoming garbled and unintelligible. as time goes on he also loses his own ability to synthesize speech so aside from becoming withdrawn and quiet out of fear he'll say something that makes no sense, he then literally just becomes incapable of responding at all

again (as you might expect), the other cryptons aren't doing very well as this is happening. rin and len see kaito almost like a father, so watching one of your parental figures slowly march towards death is... not great. rin (as seen here) is still trying to hold on, because she swears kaito has had a few good days where he does recall more, where he seems much more like his old self, and maybe, just maybe if they wait a bit more he'll get better [tbh she's speedrunning the 7 stages of grief but goes between being stuck in some of the earlier stages its... not good]. len's grief on the other hand is manifesting itself in a way more similar to meiko's: he's not as distant as her, but he has already recognized that there's pretty much nothing that can be done and just wants to minimize kaito's suffering. len's just as shattered as rin though, but he's not showing it openly, figuring he has to accept it, as fighting against the grief like his sister won't help anything.

i just mentioned meiko so speaking of her: this is also probably extremely difficult on her, as, yknow, the counterpart v1 to kaito. she's withdrawn herself away from kaito, as she doesn't want to cause him pain in case he happens to recognize her, remember something about their relationship, but not comprehend what it means and just become confused/distressed. at least, that's what she says; it's more or so she can't bear to see him in this state, as he slowly loses more parts of himself, so she isolates herself in hopes the pain will be somewhat less when its all over, for having seen him less and not having false hopes of his recovery. that being said though she has definitely still been around him and tried to keep her composure... from kaito's pov, in moments of recollection, its disheartening seeing your wife close friend suddenly ignoring you, almost like she's mad or sad about something, but you can't remember why. did you forget to do the laundry? is it something unrelated? you want to ask her but she won't tell you; why? did she already and you just forgot? why...

miku's usual cheeriness has also crumbled, as even with rin's attempts, she can't find anything to be optimistic about in this scenario. she just feels this immense guilt, that she should've done something about this; she has influence as the most popular of the entire group, surely she could do something to make it all better. but aside from the arguments and indecisiveness regarding ethics and not wanting to do something without everyone's collective decision, she does know deep down its not her fault. maybe someone like one of the technicians or programmers would be more at fault, but she doesn't want to blindly throw accusations either, because surely they hadn't foreseen this happening either; nobody would intentionally throw in such a cruel fate for someone, it was an unfortunate system glitch that they were working to fix, but even if they did come up with a patch for it, it would be far too late for kaito at that point. she doesn't want to dwell too much on the logistics of it, miku just wants to be there for everyone else, because she knows how deep in despair the others are—she is too—and doesn't want their whole group to fall apart after such a devastating event.

as for luka: i would assume we're kind of actually seeing everything from her perspective, so as an audience lens she'd be more objective about presenting everything as it is without putting too much of her own bias/thoughts into it. but she's not completely unfeeling either. she tries interacting with kaito quite often, despite some of the others warning her about doing that too much. she tries talking to him about random things, not necessarily aiming to get him to remember anything in specific, though if any of his memories do surface in conversation she'll def address them and ask if he recalls anything more (and if not that's alright too). on some occasions she's been accused of being insensitive, but she doesn't want his death to be this huge tragedy, she would want him to be somewhat happy in his last moments. after everything that's happened, he deserves to leave in peace, in her opinion.

i've mentioned death a few times and there's a literal gravestone in the original emoji combo so safe to say, yeah, he dies. unfortunately the damage to his hardware is beyond repair from the critical/fatal errors and glitches, and it's decided that it'd be best to ultimately just deactivate him and delete all his files to not prolong any pain he might've been in for any longer. not exactly sure what would happen afterwards (aside from an obvious aftermath of the grief): if this is before/on the verge of v3 happening, there's the situation i thought about of them receiving a new replacement v3 kaito module, which has its own angst w/ it: its almost like seeing a fucking ghost, but it's not the same one they all remember, nor does it have all those memories. and this v3 kaito himself experiencing conflicted feelings as someone who was brought in to try and give back happiness to this group, only to seem to cause more despair for being so similar to someone long gone that he'll never truly replace. again though i'm not sure if i'd actually have that happen for the sake of everyone involved's sanity but it is something interesting to think about

i've been typing this for like 3 fcking hours now and i have no idea if this makes any goddamn sense lolol uhhh. like all my things it sounds way better in my head than when i actually put it on paper 😭 but congrats if you actually went thru the effort of reading all this. i might do more explanations like this of my things if anyone's interested, like of the other poll options, but we'll see

[charcolor]

day 1 of oc-tober is "favorite OC"

i feel bad picking a Favorite OC, but i do have like...phases where i think about a specific character a lot. right now it's cherry valentine. i love thinking about her character and how i can flesh it out. truly ingenious character creation process where i create a faceless yandere stereotype and then say "ok. How can i make her a sympathetic woman while still letting her kill people"

this is cherry btw (dorothy is here to scale her down)

basic and silly facts about cherry:

age 23 (born january 6), 3rd year college student. i had her major listed in my phone notes but then my phone BROKE and i LOST my phone notes. but she likes math so it was probably mathematics.

she lives in an apartment near campus. her best friend violet, who is also a college student, lives in the same complex.

there's another student named lucy that she hates (because lucy creeps her out) but they have the same birthday because i thought it would be funny. (lucy is a year older though)

cherry is face blind, she typically relies on things like hair color, skin color, body type, and voice to identify people. because the girl she has an infatuation with (alicia) is so Normal looking, she has to put extra effort into recognizing her. she can't visualize well enough to remember exactly what a "bigger than average nose" is supposed to look like, for example, but if she sees someone's nose she can make a guess if it matches the description she's memorized. this has inevitably caused her to further enable her own obsessive tendencies.

this also means she can't draw faces. in fact, she can't draw

cherry is an only child with divorced parents. she's not very close to either of them, due to the divorce being very ugly and stressful which led to a strain in all their relationships. her parents were also pretty young when they had her (they actually married after cherry was born), which led to further stress for them due to their inexperience, and further neglect for cherry - while she was still fed and housed, she did not have any emotional support from her mother (who had custody of her) when she was struggling socially at school.

she's half british and half italian. if i was half british i'd start killing people too.

[heleizition]

u cannot just present me with gold right when i have to go to bed. i have a sleep schedule to keep to! for health! and sanity! and brain! i love them so much. ur ocs. i love twin characters, so many dynamics and all are good. the art is also just -wants to squeeze- affectionately. who were they in their past lives? is josephines 'i failwd to protec' a thing that also happened in past life? bunny person very good. love how expressive the ears can get. also cute. i think i watched the first ep of d.gray man way way back?? or the first few? i have very little memory of it but a vague plan to get back to that sometime. angel love, angel life, angel delight. the concept of god being a baby of a big species of gods is -chefs kiss- love it. sleep tiiiime, sleep well when u do byeeeee

HEHEHEHE >:3 im evil .

i looooove siblings dynamics........... so so much ........... both chronos & nath and then nell & belly weren't even twins at first it just Happened lmao... chronos & nath were almost the same character in two different stories and i couldnt decide who to keep lmao and then belly was supposed to be nell's little sister he ran from after she saw him kill their father (to protect her) (nell is an idiot) but . it jst happened. anyway

SO THEIR PAST LIVES.

The group of oc is composed of many i havent introduced yet but the major ones are here i think except my Bad Guy. so keep in mind the story is cringy and bad lmao but i still like it to this day...

post apocalyptic earth where humans live under domes bc the outside is too toxic + technology evolved so now cyborgs exist + a while back some government doctors & scientists were working in a secret lab to implants animal genes w humans to make hybrids & something about genetic preservation whatever whatever. anyway.

eve is the protagonist. she's the only daughter of head doctor of that hybrid lab. it exploded 20 years ago which cause people inside that specific dome to mutate into hybrids (people woke up to agonizing pain bc their body was breaking and morphing and it wasn't made for that. josephine was one of those people ! she was a wolf hybrid :3)

we follow eve and her then group of friends until for some reasons (<==== guy who does not remember what that plot point was) the dome had to be evacuated. something about a deadly virus ? ofc as always the rich people got away first until the dome got closed off completely <3 . eve meets several people including chronos (human guy, future bf, hes a simp) maria & arthur (yes i will draw them at some point OTL) and they stick together to survive as the inside of the dome is becoming a battleground. doesn't help that part of the reason the dome was closed off so quick was that ~mafia~ (idk how else to call it, its not rly mafia tho oTL) boss stanislas was in here and has always escaped the government's assassination attemps thus far.

SO this virus slowly contaminate everyone but its slow and rots you from inside. terrible deadly soulcrushing. + stanislas is using every means he has to try to control the city & find a way out. except ex cop and also ex girlfriend jo (josephine) is here to basically kill him lol (he broke her trust & her heart and also killed a lot of people and revenge is her whole life). josephine at first is a lone wolf (haha) until she gets very badly injuried and ends up in a small alley where eve & her friends took quarters. they get her inside and find a way to keep her alive. also at this point the group has also met gabriel ! (bunny guy! he has a tragic past and i love him. hes my mary sue) and stephan ! (his not yet boyfriend who also has a tragic past and that jo feels very guilty about). gabriel used to be a test subject in the hybrid lab. he and eve used to know each other :] they are best friends now.

at the same time nath (who was supposed to be dead) shows up like hiiiiiiiiiiiii btw im here (hes one of stan's agent but when he was supposed to die he actually survived and got turned into a cyborg with special modification in his brain which makes him obey. but he did not Forget and he will fight what stan makes him do <3)

SO um after they all meet its basically just. a fight to survive and also moments where they're like. oh we're gonna die here. lets party so hard.

stan also realises he doesn't rly have a way out and dedicates himself to ending his and jo's fight for good this time which also put eve's group in danger since jo . stuck around . there are casualties which is why she feels she failed them..................

anyway . there are more stuff but its rly all over the place soobssss im sowwyyyy

LOOOVE D.gray man . one of my first and favorite manga if u ever get the chance to pick it up for a bit longer to see if u enjoy it ... yeah .....

[unnecessaryshenanigan]

Who’s [MC]?

Summary : After your death, Diavolo found a replacement for your empty seat in the program. But the new student, Yuki, was so just like you and now, she thrives to know who you are and why they kept mentioning the human she replaced.

(I have read too much replaced AU:’) I’m back from a vacay btw uwu)

WHO’S [MC]? 

Chapter 1 : Curiosity

How long has it been? Three, four, five months? You can’t count how much time has passed with you, trapped in Devildom’s realm as a poor soul.

“You’re too cool for a human who just died,” Lilith remarked in the air. You turned to your right only to see a ball of light. 

“You’re too cool for a ghost who doesn’t even have a physical soul at least”

“HEY!” Lilith shouted, defensive. “Be kind to your ancestor, you sheep!”

You laughed before floating on top of the meeting table in the meeting office.

“Why are we here anyway?” Asked Lilith. “There will be a meeting, yeah?”

“Yep.. I heard from Lord Diavolo that a new student will come down here as my replacement in this program”

“Seriously though just why wou–”

“Shusshh.. They’re here” you said, not wanting her to say anything. The door burst open revealing nine people, the seven rulers of hell, the demon prince and his loyal butler. They went on their own seats.

You watched them carefully, assessing their features. It’s been three days since you saw them and like always, the seven demon brother’s look more tired than before, Diavolo has dark circles under his eyes and Barbatos loses the only hint of light on his eyes.

“They look horrible,” you commented. “Can’t they move on?”

“You’re important to them [MC]. Especially my brothers. You played a big part in their lives. Of course they can’t move on just like that..”

“Fair point.”

Your attention turned to Diavolo who cleared his throat.

“So, It’s been a while since [MC]’s..” Diavolo stopped midway before looking down. “Death”

You saw how the others tensed up and you can’t help but sigh. Now that the wounds of your death were just fresh in everyone’s mind, it looks like the new student will not be oh-so-welcome.

“I feel sorry for the new student..” you muttered and turned to Lilith. “If the brothers are grieving right now then the new student won’t be very much welcomed. Right now, Belphegor, maybe not just him but the rest of his brothers, hates humans.. After what happened to me”

“How are you so sure?”

“A human caused your death” you looked at Belphegor who’s more lively than usual. “Humans also caused my death. I’m not numb to not know the affection they feels towards me”

“Then what are we supposed to do?” the ball of light asked. “Do you think the new student will be in danger?”

“No..” you answered. “Diavolo would make sure this human will be protected. He won’t want to mess this up”

“Today is the day.. [MC]’s replacement will come..” Diavolo looked at Barbatos and the latter nodded. He gave a paper to Mammon containing all information about the new student.

Mammon only looked at it for a brief three seconds flat before passing it to Levi. The Grand Admiral didn’t bother to look at it and immediately passed down the paper to Satan. The fourth born read the information before passing to Asmodeus. The Avatar of Lust scanned the woman's delicate face on the picture for a while before passing it to his younger brother, Beelzebub. The Glutton looked at it and put the paper on the table. He didn’t bother giving it to Belphie. He knows his twin would rip apart the paper if he did.

You looked at the woman’s picture on the paper. You can’t deny that she’s a beautiful girl. Silver hair and golden eyes with a cute smile.

“She’s pretty,” you commented in which Lilith agreed. 

“Shall we start teleporting her?” Barbatos asked his master and Diavolo nodded. Barbatos opened a portal and after a few seconds, a loud thud was heard in the room. A woman wearing a college uniform was dropped on the ground, eyes closed and fear written all over her face.

After settling on the ground for a few seconds, the new student slowly opened her eyes. You looked at her from the above with curiosity.

She looked around and saw the nine people inside the room. The chamber was dark, eight men seated on throne-like seats like kings and a butler standing beside her.

“Welcome to Devildom, Yuki” Diavolo announced that caught Yuki’s attention. “I am Diavolo, the Prince of Hell as well as the president of RAD’s council. I welcome you as a new exchange student.”

Diavolo gestured Lucifer, “That’s Lucifer, the Avatar of Pride, my right-hand man and the vice president of the council”

Instead of the fake smile Lucifer gave you on your very first day, Lucifer only gave Yuki a stern look and a nod. Looks like the loyal pridy man is not afraid to disappoint nor offend Diavolo right now.

Lucifer looked at Mammon, “He’s Mammon, my younger brother. He’ll be in charge of taking care of you throughout your time here in Devildom.”

The second oldest’s head snapped at Lucifer, “HUH?! We didn’t talked about this?!”

Lucifer glared at his brother and the latter held his gaze for his brother for a few seconds before looking at Yuki. He gritted his teeth before looking away.

The rest of the brothers are uninterested, only greeting her with nothing but coldness. Though Belphegor didn’t introduce himself, Beelzebub did. 

“D-Devildom? Avatars? E-Exchange student?” Yuki muttered in a shaky voice. It’s too much for her. Demons exist? And she’s in hell? Is she dead?

“He–Uhh.. So hi? Well.. When can I go home?” Yuki asked Diavolo though not meeting his eyes.

“You’ll be studying here for a year.. Or more like half a month since you’re a replacement for the previous human student we had” Diavolo trailed. “No worries.. After six months you could go home. Though you just need to write a letter of your experience here in Devildom.” 

“Six months?!” Yuki exclaimed, her eyes wide. “I’ll stay here for six months?! With demons?!”

“Please don’t panic Ms. Yuki” Barbatos chimed in, making Yuki look at him. “If you’re worried about your safety then we reassure you that you’ll be out of harm and we’ll protect you throughout your stay”

“I’ll study here for six months, write a letter about what I experienced in Devildom then I’m free?”

Barbatos nodded. “Harmless and alive.”

“That sounds like a threat” you commented while watching Yuki’s pale face.

Lilith didn’t respond but you know she agrees on your statement. 

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

It’s been a few days since Yuki’s transfer to Devildom. Everything is fine except that she’s ignored by the brothers. She lived with them though stays in the room they made for her. Your room was kept untouched and they don’t plan on letting her use the very place where you spent most of your time in Devildom. 

Yuki was not surprised at the cold shoulder the brothers gave her. They’re demons so what does she expect? She also doesn’t have any reasons to talk with them. 

Barbatos kept his word. She remained unharmed and alive wherever she went, with the second born around her.

“She’s their replacement, right?”

“I hope she's as good as them..”

“It still feels different without them around.. I miss the little human who walks around and slaps Satan’s head..”

Yuki’s ears twitched. Human? Beside her and Solomon? Is it the same human Diavolo mentioned? The human she replaced in the program?

That human can slap Satan’s head? 

Yuki almost didn't believe it. Satan is as intimidating as Lucifer and he’s the Avatar of Wrath in the least. So that human could slap Satan’s head without dying?

“Hah.. I still remember when Satan, Belphegor and them pranked Lucifer in the hallways..”

The chattering demons chuckled at the reminiscence of the said event.

‘They said what now? That human pranked Lucifer with Satan and Belphegor?’ Yuki thought. So that human is respectable?’

Yuki walked further in the hallways and ran into Simeon and Luke. The angels she atleast befriended. 

“Yuki!” Simeon called. “Nice to run into you. How have you been?”

“Oh I’m fine..” Yuki shrugged. “The brother’s still giving me the cold shoulder.”

“Demons are no good, Yuki!” Luke chimed in. “Don’t trust them nor befriend them!”

Yuki chuckled, “Yes. I’ll keep that in mind”

“Luke, how many times did I tell you not to bad mouth demons?” Simeon warned Luke and the latter frowned. 

“I’m just warning her!” the little angel defended. “I don’t want her to be involved with the brothers like [MC] did!”

The mention of foreign name got Yuki’s attention.

“[MC]...?”

Luke gasped and put his own hands on his mouth. Simeon was stopped dead on his tracks. After a few seconds, Simeon blinked before sighing, “[MC]'s an important person to us..”

{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}

It was dinner time. You could hear the brother’s utensils clicking on the plate. There was nothing but the sound of the spoons and fork. You’re beside Mammon and looking across at him, Yuki, who’s sitting on your usual seat on the table.

You could see the uncomfortableness in Yuki’s face.

“Can’t you at least console her?” you asked Lilith while gesturing at Yuki. 

“I’m not connected to her [MC].. I cannot communicate with her”

You could only watch as they had a gloomy dinner. If you’re alive, you’ll be sure by now that the nine of you will be so noisy right now.

Yuki stopped eating and put her utensils down. Lucifer looked at her with raised brows. “Is the food not to your liking, Yuki?”

Yuki shakes her head. “Hey, if you don’t mind.. Could I ask a question?”

The brothers gave each other a look. You were also taken aback too. This is the first time Yuki had talked to the brothers since her transfer here in Devildom.

“Sure, ask away” Satan answered and Yuki nodded.

“So…” Yuki looked at her food before at Satan. Her hands fidgeted. Even if she’s nervous, she wants to feed her curiosity. So she’ll take this chance. Even a single hint about that human, she’ll be okay.

“I’ve been bothered about this since yesterday but.. Who’s MC? Are they the human Lord Diavolo mentioned that I’ll replace in the program?”

~~~

[iwadori]

Getting hurt in argument PT 1 (Iwaizumi, Tsukishima)

hi!! so can i request a hurt to comfort with iwaizumi, tsukishima and any character that you want ? i saw you had reblogged a prompt list so you could us 18 for inspiration! @sheiscalling

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Word count: 2.1K

Genre: angst,fluff

masterlist

Tsukishima:

You and Tsukishima just moved in with each other a few days ago

Sharing a house has kind of put you at odds

As getting used to each others habits takes a while to get used too

You just hope that after a while things will go back to usual

Tsukishima has been conveniently busy since you guys moved in together, claiming he has to practice more since the Sendai Frogs have a supposed upcoming tournament. 

So he’s left you to your own devices unpacking boxes, picking out and buying furniture whilst working from home. Today’s task is choosing the wallpaper, which you wanted to ask Tsukishima’s opinion on (since he’s always been judgmental of certain colours, patterns and prints.)

Y/N: Hey Tsukki! You coming to *insert store that sells wallpapers here* today… it closes at 5pm??

Kei: Yhh practices finishes at 1 so I’ll probably run some errands get changed and meet you there for 3

Y/N: Okay! See you then <3

You were ecstatic, Tsukishima is finally going to do something for your new place and on the plus you get to spend time together. Maybe you’ll get to go to that new desert place across the road from your house.

2:45PM

You decide to get there a tad bit early so you can have a few options picked out (as you know how detailed and picky Kei can be.) As you picked out paints and swatches you noticed how time went by…

3:14PM

Surprised that Kei isn’t here right on the dot (since he despises lateness and on many occasion have reprimanded you when you’ve been just a tiny bit late) but just assume he’s stuck in traffic or something.

3:32

You’re still standing outside waiting, getting a tiny bit embarrassed of the looks of the passer-by strangers as if they could tell you’re desperately waiting for someone. You checked your phone, expecting a message from Kei explaining his lateness or saying he’lll be there soon.

4:00

He’s now an hour late, with no contact at all which got you frustrated as you really hoped that he would do at least one thing for you today. So you decided to go and choose what YOU want since it seems that Kei doesn’t seem to really care.

5:15

After nearly emptying the store with all your choices and additional furniture picks you finally make it back home with still NO word from Kei. You are completely over it! But he is now the least of your worries, now your current agenda is unpacking plates and cutlery (so you and Tsuki actually have something to eat of off and that’s if he ever joins you for dinner)

You’re washing and polish plates as you hear your front door open and shut with a slight slam. “Ugh practice was draining today” he said, tired 

You did not acknowledge his presence at all, you were beyond agitated that he made plans with you and then didn’t show up AND THEN didn’t even make sure the first thing he did was apologise. “Babe, whats for dinner” He asked entering the living room.

AN: Btw you have like a open kitchen type of thing so you can see the kitchen and the living room in the same room if that makes sense ://

You still ignored him, washing your plates annoyance slowly but surely building up inside of you the more he spoke “Y/N, did you hear me i asked what was fo-” Tsukishima stopped his words as he saw all the stuff you’ve bought for the house and before realising that he blew off your plans together he says,

“Y/N.. what the fuck is this shit”

That made you take a pause, and freeze ‘That is all he’s worried about’ you think. As you’re still ignoring him and he’s wondering why you decided to buy all this ‘crap’ (in his words not yours) he picks up one of the wallpaper designs and brings it to you.

“Y/N you really think we’re putting this shit on the walls..?” He asked 

You still ignore him, scrubbing harder and harder on the same plate you’ve been washing since he’s got here ( you definitely know it’s clean by now but who cares )”Y/N, are you listening to me” He then grabs your shoulders turning him to face you “Why the fuck would you buy this??” 

By now you were raged, “Is that ALL you care about!” You shout “You don’t care how I’ve been slaving away getting this place, our NEW place ready for us to live in but you don’t care you’re so self obsessed that all you’ve been doing is going to practice and complaining!”

He was about to speak before you stopped him again “Oh and by the way if you’ve got a problem with my choices for our walls then maybe YOU should’ve been at the store at the time we agreed upon! You dick.” after saying this his lips part in surprise, as he now remembers the promise he made you. 

You turn your body back to the sink, tears filling your eyes as you go back to ferociously scrubbing the plate again. 

“Y/N I’m sorry I-” He starts

“Oh shut the fuck up Tsukishima” You say a bit to agressively slamming your hands (and the plate) down on the counter, cutting your hand in the process 

“Shit” You say as blood starts to seep through your hand well there goes the clean plate you get a towel and hold it against your hand stopping the blood for a short while and you bend down to start picking up the plate remains as Tsukishima just stands there not really knowing what to say or do.

“Y/N i’m sorry about EVERYTHING” he says bending down to your level as you still pick up the plate remains. “What can I do to make this all better?”

“Just fuck off Tsuki” You say bitterly not looking him in the eyes

“I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay” he says grabbing your wrist softly to stop you from further injury “Just come sit down so i can atleast bandage your hands”

You finally look up at him, tears still in your eyes but you silently agree getting up and letting him lead you to the couch. He bandages you up, not saying a word as your sniffles and whimpers fill the quiteness in the room.

“Y/N. I am really truly sorry I-” He says

“Why don’t you care anymore?” You interrupt tears now streaming down your face “I know i can be overbearing at times, but I just wanted you to be excited about moving in with me as I was about you. Do you not want to live with me anymore” you cried

“I’m sorry i’ve been so busy it’s just practice and tournaments and … I was kind of nervous about moving in with you I just love you so much and I don’t want to mess anything up” he said “And I’m sorry about not coming to the store I just got tired up with practice and I’m just really sorry Y/N”

He goes over to the things you’ve bought and picks up one of the paint colours you chose (your favourite option) “This is beatiful Y/N you have such a great taste and I like anything that you like to be honest.”

He stares at you for a response as he noticed your tears have stopped running, which is a good sign. “I just want you to be more involved and show that you care about me about us “ you say

“I will and I do.. I always do” He said pulling you into a hug 

“I love you Kei” You say into his chest 

“I love you too” 

You spend the rest of your night unpacking plates, putting up wallpaper, painting walls and putting up furniture ending up on the couch with two slices of strawberry shortcake from the bakery across the street watching an episode of *insert your favourite TV show here* in your new place which you can finally call a home.

Iwaizumi:

You and Iwaizumi have been dating since highschool

You’ve had a past with anger issues but that was all sorted before you met Iwa

You’re very hard working and sometimes overworking but you have Iwa to always make sure you’re not too hard on yourself

You play volleyball just like your boyfriend, being the captain of your team is your pride and joy but sometimes you are way too hard on yourself trying to reach perfection. 

You’re in the gym way past normal hours setting to yourself against the wall with sweat dripping down your forehead breathing slightly more than usual

‘5 more minutes’ you think to yourself knowing damn well it’s going to be more than 5 minutes but you just have to perfect your form then you can stop.

You stop for a small water break and also to check your phone seeing 5+ messages from your lovely boyfriend Hajime

Haji: Y/N how was your day 

Haji: What do you want for dinner

Haji: I think we should get chinese

Haji: Y/N… you alive

Haji: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMeffhpeE/

Haji: I just ran into *Insert Best friends name* and she told me you were last seen at practice I hope you’re not in the gym Y/N

Haji: I’m coming to the gym… you better not be there

By the time you start going back to set against the wall you look up to see a semi mad Hajime at the doors of the gym..

“Y/N.. I thought you said you wasn’t going to keep overworking yourself this term” He said slowly approaching you 

“Just” set “Gotta” set “Fix” set “My” set “Form” 

“Your set is fine babe, it’s perfect … you’re perfect” he says reaching out to touch you

“Well I guess perfect isn’t good enough then” you mumble

“Y/N that’s not what I meant” He responds touching your shoulder

Out of reflex, your hand flicks to his face your nail (which are amazingly sharp and long) catches him on his cheek causing a petite cut to now appear and small amounts of blood to come out of it. You both are frozen shocked at what just happened, you never meant to touch him like that at all. 

You quickly rush to your stuff leaving your volleyball in the gym running out the doors. How could you be so horrible, hitting your boyfriend in the face after doing so much work getting over all your anger issues. ‘Hes going to hate you now’ you think.

You stop at a bench trying to clear your head, crying softly to yourself worrying now about your relationship with Haji and where it stands now. Without you noticing, Iwaizumi sits down next to you, waiting for you to compose your self before speaking.

“I know you didn’t mean it Y/N” he said pulling you under his arm 

“Iwa, I’m so so sorry I didn’t mean to stay late in the gym it’s just that we have a competition next week and last time we lost because of me and I just … wanted it all to be perfect “ You said sniffling you look up at him and see the cut on his face that you caused making you even more upset “I am really sorry, I understand that you probably want to break up with me for hurting you which is completely valid”

You don’t want him to confirm your suspicions of him breaking up with you, so you abruptly stand up getting reading to move onwards again before he grabs your wrist “you’re not leaving till I know you’re okay” he says

which makes you laugh a bit “It’s crazy that I’m the one that messed up, yet you’re worrying about me”

“Well that’s my job Y/N, I always worry about you when you’re overworking yourself and being hard on yourself it’s not good” he said “accidents happen, I know you didn’t intend on me getting hurt and I know you’re going to do great in the upcoming game babe dont worry”

A week later, all was forgotten Iwa’s cheek healed quickly and he never blamed you for it all and reminded you that it wasn’t your fault whenever it seemed you felt bad about it.

You’re now playing your volleyball game Iwa in the stands cheering you on as loud as he could and of course you were doing your best because in Hajime’s words you are perfect.

AN:Thank you so much for my first request I hope you like it. I’m not really a fan of the Iwa one but the tsuki one i like the way it went even though I was meant to add a third character but got too tired. But thank for the request keep them coming!! 

[yesimwriting]

Hello! Your Nikolai fic tranquility is so beautiful! Can you write more for Nikolai? Maybe the opposite with reader having a nightmare? Or whatever you want just please give me more! If you have a tagging list I'd love to be included btw :)

A/n hii!! first off,, thank you! i was a little nervous about writing him for the first time,, but i love him so much (even though i love a good villain/morally grey character in love i think nikolai would probably make the least toxic bf in the grishaverse lol)

you gave me a little too much freedom here lol bc i have so many ideas for him!! lowkey might need to give him a longer fic/series soon when i catch up with requests!! WOW THIS FIC IS SO LONG AND FOR WHAT

Summary: Reader is a handmaid who has grown up assisting Nikolai. Through the years, the two have developed a special relationship that most definitely breaks royal protocol--they’re best friends and rivals on a good day, and dangerously close to being something more the second either of them is remotely upset or extremely happy. Learning about the fact that Nikolai was almost engaged to Alina (a good friend of yours) and being reminded of the fact that as royalty Nikolai has many prospects (both serious women worthy of his title and women only suitable for trysts meant to relieve tension) has you both realizing something you should have years ago.

Word count: 31210

Warnings: disclaimer--may not be the most cannon thing ever,, but i wanted the ‘child of the help competes and falls in love with the child of royalty’ energy okay?? Lol

I could do a whole blurb series with this dynamic nikolai x reader,, like just stories of them growing up together and randomly realizing they might like each other romantically?? I probably shouldn’t rn but i ADORE this trope.

--

The perfection of the room is disappointing. Idle hands, idle thoughts--so I work to smooth out a perfect duvet. Still, the thoughts come--aggressive and unavoidable. It’s silly, maybe even sad, to feel possessive over something that’s never been yours, something that could never be yours, but the harder I fight off the feeling the stronger it grows. Jealousy is a weed growing quickly in my chest, vile roots planted firmly in my heart.

Normally my favorite part of the day would be waiting for Nikolai to return to his room in the palace after dinner and his evening duties. He’s always a bit softer in the evenings, during my last check-in of the day. I’m normally thrilled to be done organizing his room early because that means the second he arrives there will be no distraction. Most evenings, he’ll find me perched in the seat by his bed, reading. He’ll mock-scold me for daring to defy his orders and reading ahead from the book we both take turns reading aloud from each night. He then warns me that I better react exactly the way I did when I first read it or else. That threat is always followed by a gentle laugh.

Tonight I’m in no mood for our nightly banter or even our nightly reading. My mother had warned me of the dangers of getting too comfortable with the royal family. I should have heeded that warning when she first gave it to me, the morning she found Nikolai and I fast asleep on a couch in the library as children. The palace likes to bring up the children of the staff by training them to attend to the next generation of royals. It makes the staff more efficient, a lifetime of knowing what someone wants makes you better for them. It also creates some level of connection, making betrayal a little less likely. Nikolai and I might have taken it farther than most. But now I want a reminder of the way we’re supposed to be--maybe if I detach now the bleeding of my heart won’t kill me. That has to remain secret, because if I explain it to Nikolai something in me will break. The one line between us will be crossed.

This will be the sixth secret I’ve kept from Nikolai in my entire life.

--

The secrets:

I don’t know why I was picked for Nikolai. I wasn’t particularly skilled, but still, the day came when my mother was told that I now worked directly for the Lantsov boy. It’s an honor, a true one, but my mother had been a little nervous. To whom much is given, much is expected--and I detested Nikolai. Not for being a prince, but for being a prince who thought girls couldn’t race or fight.

The day my mother came looking for me because I never showed up for dinner and she found Nikolai and I attempting to fight in the way only a ten-year-old girl and eleven-year-old boy would, she had looked truly mortified. Nikolai had only laughed, either oblivious to my mother’s embarrassment or uncaring about it. He had then hugged me--an expression of care that had left me reeling. I saw him more as a rival than someone to tend to, but in that moment I saw him as a friend. Even more so when he told me he didn’t want me to go yet and that he was upset that so much of the day had been wasted by studies that kept him with boring people and away from me. And then he invited me to his lessons--my mother was quick to attempt to decline politely, but the desires of a prince at any age outweigh that of a mother.

After that, everyone kind of just stopped trying to remind us of our propriety. The tutor at first was concerned about my presence, but Nikolai remained stubborn. I wasn’t a big enough deal to cause an argument, so I began to attend lessons with him almost every day, only staying away when my mother needed aid with laundry or cleaning. His parents must have been somewhat aware of our friendship, but they must have been oblivious to our closeness because it was never mentioned.

My mother’s worry began to ease, she’d even started to take some pride when I’d come to our room proudly proclaiming that I scored two marks higher than Nikolai. She did, however, warn that it might be more tactful to let him score higher.

The comment was casual, just a suggestion, but it left me feeling wrong. It was the first time since we met that I had thought about our different statuses. I didn’t tell him--and that was the first secret I ever kept from him.

As we grew, we traded physical competition for academic rivalry, trying to best each other in both lessons and games of strategy like chess and cards. But with growing comes responsibility. Nikolai started to have obligations that were meant to be private. I couldn’t follow him at all times. But he’d always come back from locked door meetings grinning like he carried schoolyard gossip instead of government secrets. He shared everything with me, even when I playfully warned against it.

He’d always step closer when I teased that perhaps he shouldn’t tell me everything. And then he’d say, “If I can’t trust you, then I can’t trust anyone--and I don’t want to live in a world like that.” Often, he’d give my hand a light squeeze before moving on like he had not said anything intimate.

On a day in which Nikolai was in one of those meetings, I became a woman. When I first saw the blood, I had been horrified--but my mother was quick to explain that it was natural. She said that I was now a woman, a wonderful thing, really--but a thing that came with obligations. She told me that I could no longer have the impromptu ‘sleepovers’ with Nikolai unless he ordered it. I told her he’s never ordered me to do anything for him.

She didn’t ease, something in her had started to become nervous again. My mother had recently started to act the way she did when Nikolai and I first became friends. I didn’t want to fall asleep in Nikolai’s bed while I was bleeding, but I didn’t want to never have another sleepover with him again. Especially not when she refused to explain why being a woman changed so much.

I had decided to avoid Nikolai as much as possible until the sting of my mother’s new rule faded. Unfortunately, that night Nikolai was extra talkative--excited as he insisted I stay for a little longer. Soon, I found his familiar good naturedness melting away my nerves and before I knew it I was laughing in the middle of the night. When my eyelids started to feel heavy, I had moved from the chair, ready to head back to my room.

Nikolai had looked at me oddly before he asked why would I leave so late when it would be easier for me to just sleepover? It was an innocent question, he did not know about my change and I had wanted to keep it that way.

I tried playing coy, but Nikolai has always had a talent for getting around my better judgement. I don’t recall exactly how it happened, but I remember him standing in front of me. It was the first time I noticed how much had actually changed over the years--he was now taller than me for the first time in his life. His hair had started to grow a little longer, golden and soft-looking--and his face seemed much more angular. But he had not lost his boyish charm.

“Y/n?” My name fell softly from his lips, and that was the first time I had ever noted the fullness of them. I didn’t understand why I considered that something worth noting. “Did I do something to make you mad at me?”

Perhaps I had been a little curt--nerves and hormones had left me not feeling like myself. I didn’t tell him about the bleeding, I couldn’t. That became the second secret I kept from him--but I did tell him that my mother had told me I was a woman now, and that women can’t have sleepovers. Not with those of the opposite gender. I made no effort to hide my confusion because I expected him to be as perplexed as I was. But he was not confused--in fact, he had the audacity to laugh. My face flushed, but I did not know why.

“Why is that funny?” Maybe he thought I was still too much of a child to be considered a woman. I assumed it a fair assumption, I had not grown the way he had--my shoulders had not become sturdier and I had not become particularly broader. Still, I would rather melt into the floor than tell him about the reason my mother now considered me a woman. “My mother did say that, and I don’t know what being a ‘woman’ has to do with staying in your room at night.” Something strange had crossed over his features then, something much more brooding than I was used to.

I had blinked at him as unexplained nerves pooled in my stomach. Perhaps that look would have been enough to keep me silent if he had managed to not grin. That self-assured grin that had always challenged me. “Well since you know everything about my mother now, maybe you can tell me why she’s been acting strange. She’s starting to act the way she did when we first became friends.” I expected him to at least pretend to be worried. Perhaps his parents had spoken to her and had mentioned wanting our friendship to end. But his grin had only grown. Pride left me angry. “She did say that I could stay if you ordered it--but I’m glad you’ve never ordered me to do anything, so I can leave right now because you’re acting as odd as her. I don’t understand what you could find funny about our friendship ending.”

He had stopped me from storming out of his room by placing one hand on the wall between me and the door. “Y/n, don’t be cross--I’ll explain it all, I promise.” Angry pride made me want to storm away from him, but curiosity and something unknown and warm kept me in place. “Do you remember when we read the play about the rival families, how the two main characters had kissed?”

I remembered that part of the play especially well. The concept of kissing so casually, outside of marriage, had been jarring to me. “Yes.”

“Now that we’re older, your mother must be worried that we might do that.” He paused before leaning against the arm he placed on the wall to keep me from leaving a little more. “Kiss.”

The clarification was not needed--in that brief pause, I had allowed myself to imagine no distance between our lips. Something in me burned with embarrassment when I realized that some part of me found the thought appealing. The only thing I wanted in that moment was assurance that Nikolai would never know I felt that. That was my third secret, and the weight of it was heavy against my chest.

Still, though, all of my confusion had not yet left. “Is there much harm in a kiss?”

The question had left an odd smile on his lips. “There’s potential harm in what it could lead to for the woman, but not so much for the man.” He exhaled slowly as my face tensed. He could always read me too well because he was quick to add, “What it could lead to isn’t a bad thing, it’s meant to be pleasurable, but it’s serious.” I did not understand, but a part of me was starting to grow okay with that. Nikolai’s voice had started to become lower than ever, and his gaze remained tense. Perhaps if I accepted the confusion for now, things could go back to normal. If the conversation ended, I could stop thinking of his lips and his hands and what it would mean for them to touch me. “It’s considered a vice, like drinking or gambling.” The additional comment helped more than it should have. A vice--not scary and not painful, but not something to indulge in. That’s enough explanation for now. “If you want to know, I won’t deny you.”

I appreciated the offer tremendously. The vice that comes after kissing is clearly something that’s been intentionally kept from me. It’s something he was privy to that I was not, and he offered it to me like so much else. But if knowledge that my mother feared us kissing made me think of his lips, then I doubted I could handle knowing what comes after kissing.

“I’ll let you know when I want to know, but I appreciate the offer.” It felt like a fair response. His snarky grin came back immediately. Irritation rooted itself in my stomach. I hated not knowing more than him for once, but I still had one question I could not relinquish. “But what does that vice have to do with orders?”

At that, his smugness faltered. “It’s not unheard of, for princes and handmaids--for a prince to obligate a handmaid in order to fulfill his vice. Though many handmaids fill the vice of their own will for benefits.

The explanation left him like a confession. I didn’t understand his hesitance--it’s not like he’d ever make me do anything I didn’t want to do. Even when I worked, he was hesitant to ask me to go out of my way to bring him a glass of water. And I couldn’t imagine gaining anything from offering Nikolai something I didn’t really understand. I wasn’t naive to the fact that my life had more privileges than many palace servants. “Oh.”

His eyes hardened. “You know I’d never--”

“I know.” It was finally easy to smile again. “I never thought otherwise.” Something in him seemed to ease at that, his eyes went from hard to warm in less than a second.

I had no more questions for him and I was also no longer a flight risk, but Nikolai did not move. He did not step back to create a more appropriate distance and he did not drop his arm. His gaze, however, did move--dropping downwards, and slightly away from my eyes. I did the same, my eyes falling to his lips.

The silence between us began to make me feel like something in me was in danger of overflowing. “Then I guess my mother is once again worrying for no reason.” Strangely, I did not feel the need to feel embarrassed about staring at his lips. “Because I would never particularly want to kiss you, Nikolai Lantsov.”

The comment was meant to be teasing, a joke to clear away unknown tension. I should have known better than to challenge his pride because he instinctually moved his hand off the wall and beneath my chin. I did not flinch when he tilted my head upwards slightly with his fingers. “I could get you to want to kiss me if I wanted to.”

Three secrets in one night. I did not think I could bear a fourth one. “Hm…” The ground we treaded on felt unstable, but something in me trusted Nikolai to not let me falter. “I should--I should go before I give my mother anymore cause to worry.”

His fingers had brushed down my chin easily as he dropped his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

And that he did. The days passed without mention of the last time he asked me to sleepover. It was as if nothing had changed except now I found myself noting things I most definitely did not want to note. These didn’t feel like individual secrets because it felt easy to group each admirational thought into one secret. Soon, that became my new normal--easy banter, easy touches of hands, and easy yet silent admirations of his beauty.

I never wandered too hard about what the vice that kissing can lead to entailed. I didn't particularly want to know, but knowing that I could ask Nikolai at any time brought a sense of security to me. But besides that, I never thought of that conversation until the day I was asked to look for Nikolai because he was late for dinner.

That in itself was odd, most of the time when Nikolai was late it was because he was with you. I checked his room, two other rooms he was known to frequent, and then finally the library. First, I noticed a handmaid two years older than me. I was finally at an age when one begins to compare their beauty to those around them, and I recognized the girl as gorgeous. She was better endowed than me, physically, and she always seemed fun. And then I noticed Nikolai, standing closer to her than I’ve ever seen him stand to anyone. His expression was serious as the girl giggled.

Nikolai’s expression shifted from tense to shocked when he saw me. “Y/n.”

It took me a moment longer than it should have to realize what I had interrupted. Guilt and jealousy were quick to twist in my stomach. “Dinner--your parents sent me to look for you.”

He was quick to walk around the girl, who was quick to glare at me. I attempted to disappear down the hall after mumbling a quick apology, but Nikolai was faster than me.

“Y/n,” he did not hesitate to grab my wrist.

It shouldn’t have irked me the way it did, after all, neither of us had ever really hesitated to touch each other. I had always reached for him when I wanted him, and he had done the same. But the thought of the same hands that touched the most beautiful girl I had ever seen on me left me bitter in a way I didn’t understand.

Still, I pushed through all of that. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, your mother asked me to look for you because she assumed you’d be with me when you were late to dinner. I didn’t think that there’d be--”

“You didn’t interrupt anything.” The words came out flat as his eyes took on the same quality they did the night he explained my mother’s concern to me. “Valaria wishes there was something to interrupt, but there wasn’t.”

Oh. I refused to let the correction inflate me. “Would you like me to not come to your room tonight?”

The offer felt awkward to make. “No,” the answer came quickly, “In fact, go there now--I want to see you right after dinner. I’ve missed you today.” The instruction left my face feeling warm. “We could read an extra chapter of our book if you’d like.”

Despite myself, I grinned. “Yes.”

“Looking forward to it.”

True to his word, Nikolai was quick to return to his room. He had come back to me eagerly, going out of his way to squeeze my shoulder as he entered the room.

I opened the book to the chapter we had left off on, but before I could start reading, Nikolai stopped me. “Sit next to me?”

The question came softly. It had been some time since we sat next to each other on his bed. Still, I moved off of the chair and to his bed. Something in me longed for the familiar closeness of childhood. I allowed him to play with my fingers as I read.

“You know you could take one night off from me if you wanted to.” The admission left me softly, part of unsure if he was still paying attention to my words. “She was pretty, it wouldn’t have hurt my feelings if you told me you wanted me to not come tonight.”

Nikolai exhaled easily, squeezing my fingers once. “I said I wanted to see you and I meant it.”

It took all of my energy to push past the way his words made my stomach leap. “In general, if you ever--”

Nikolai cut me off by laying his head on my lap the way he used to. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” It was the first time in years that he spoke to me in a way that acknowledged his authority. “Keep reading please.”

And that was the last time we had ever mentioned other handmaids in that context. The fifth secret I ever kept from him was the way I worried that one day that would change.

--

The door creaks open while I’m in the middle of fluffing an already pristine pillow. Nikolai steps into the room, but I continue to work.

“Darling,” he breathes too easily, “Today has been painful.” I straighten, looking at him as casually as I can manage. “And now I have to deal with you being mad at me.”

Damn him and his ability to read me with one look. “I’m not mad.”

“You know you can’t lie to me,” he sighs, stepping forward, “We’ve known each other too long for that.”

I press my lips together, irrational anger pushing itself into me at an odd angle. “We’ve also known each other too long to keep secrets.”

His eyebrows draw together, a look so quizzical I’m reminded of our schooling days. “What secrets have I kept from you?”

Mentioning that had been a mistake. I exhale as flatly as possible. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it.” My dismissal only has Nikolai’s expression hardening. I drop my gaze. “Unless you need something, I’m retiring my services for the evening.”

I take a reluctant step towards the door, eyes attached to the floor. “Y/n,” his voice is gentle. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing, I’m just tired.” Please let that be at least somewhat believable. “I’m sure I’ll feel more like myself in the morning.” I take another step, a little more assured. Nikolai’s hand is on my shoulder before I can escape. “Nikolai--”

“Y/n,” his voice is that of velvet, “I can’t have you be mad at me. Not now.”

Sighing, I meet his gaze. The tiredness I see behind his eyes is almost enough to chase away my nerve. What I’d give to be able to melt into our familiar routine. “Then you should have told me you were almost engaged to a literal Saint--the same literal Saint who’s one of my closest friends.”

Nikolai’s expression shifts as his hand drops from my shoulder slowly, fingers brushing down my arm before he finally intertwines our fingers. I bite my tongue to avoid squeezing his hand, but I don’t move to separate us either. He studies me silently, eyebrows drawn together. The longer he stares, the more whatever turmoil he’s experiencing seems to dissipate. After a minute of silence, I can read his expression perfectly. His lips are pressed together in that coy way--the way he only looks when he’s suppressing a smile.

I loathe him for it. “Nikolai Lantsov, don’t you dare laugh--not after what you did. Do you have any idea what it felt like to have Alina casually mention the fact that you almost married her casually? Like that was common knowledge to everyone but me?”

My words break away the last of his self control. He grins, flashing his annoyingly perfect teeth. “Do you have any idea what it feels like for me to want nothing more than to see you and then you let me believe something may actually be wrong when the only issue is your jealousy?”

The amusement in his tone is like poison to me. I find the strength to jerk my hand away from him. “I am not jealous.” He laughs; I am further enraged. “I am not.” The genuineness of my anger must finally register on some level, because he tries to suppress his smile. “I have every right to be mad at my best friend for not telling me that he was almost married.”

“We didn’t exactly come close,” he manages, expression still much too light for my taste. “I’m glad for Alina’s sake, I’m not sure being a Saint would be enough to protect her.”

He is infuriating. “I’m not sure anything you have will be enough to protect you.”

Something in his gaze shifts, softening the tilt of his mouth. “I don’t doubt that.”

I don’t know what I expected from him--but not this. I thought he’d be at least somewhat apologetic. “You should have told me.”

“I would have if I felt it was significant.”

“I’m your best friend--your marriage is significant to me. And even though it’s not like you’re engaged to her right now, you should have told me. You know I talk to Alina all the time.”

He sighs once, a hint of apology threatening to ghost over his eyes. “If I knew not knowing would have upset you so much I would have told you. I was--I was just so excited to be around you again I didn’t see much relevance in anything that didn’t involve you.”

The intensity that Nikolai regards me with is enough to wither all of my fury. But without my anger, I am left spiraling in emotion that I’ve been pushing against for years. My mother’s warning about relationships with those above us rings in my ears--sharp and headache inducing. I am still when he reaches for my hand again, but I do no allow myself to return the gentle squeeze of his fingers.

“I’m not sure much outside of you has significance.” He’s giving me a look I am familiar with. A look he often uses to chase away my anger.

Without my anger, I have nothing to keep me from melting into him, indulging in his presence fully. It’s so easy with him and I blinded myself to the danger of that. He may not be marrying Alina, but one day he will marry someone. A person worthy of his status--and what would I be left doing? Washing their laundry? Tearing up when I dusted the library and came across a book we had read together? Enough damage has already been done--I need to cut myself with this blade now in hopes of making sure I can one day recover.

He will get married one day, and nothing will be the same. And that’s a good thing--he deserves the love of a princess or queen. I want his happiness, even if it’s not with me. But some vindictive part of me hopes that some part of him will miss me. That some part of him will be dulled without me.

I’m a fool--he will remember me as the handmaid from his youth. The girl who made him laugh once or twice before he grew up. I force my hand out of his grasp. “You can’t win me over with words every time.” I need to get out of here before he says something that makes me lose all resolve. “Tomorrow morning I’ll be here to prepare you for breakfast.”

“Y/n.”

I step forward, refusing to look at him. “Goodnight.”

He sighs, his hand quick to grab my arm. Before I can question him I feel myself pulled back. I expect him to pull me just close enough so that I have to meet his gaze. He continues, pulling me sharply before placing a quick hand on my shoulder, forcing me down. My back hits his bed.

I sit up as soon as the reality of what just happened seeps into my mind. “Nikolai, what in the Saints--”

“If you’re going to act like a child, I’m going to treat you like one.”

I scoff, thoughts of escaping him put on hold by the principle of pride. Fine. I’ll beat him one last time, and then I’ll let us separate. I shove him. He laughs--of course this is funny to him. He got to keep fighting past the age of about eleven. His laughter adds to my anger, I move to shove him again, but he catches my wrist easily. I struggle against his hold, shoving him a third time with my still free hand. He pushes me slightly. That’s all it takes to unleash familiar habits.

Our small fight is hardly fair. He has all the advantage--more training, and he’s standing above me. When I finally make a move that might give me some success, Nikolai leans forward. He practically tackles me, his weight forcing me flat against the bed.

I move an arm, ready to push him off of me. Nikolai snags my wrists, holding them above my head. “This means I win.” I roll my eyes, anger returning.

“Let me go.”

He sighs tiredly, but the smugness radiating off of him is suffocating. “Admit that you were jealous.”

There are a lot of things I am willing to do for him--but never that. I cannot give him the one separation I still have. “I wasn’t.”

“Then why are you mad?”

I press my lips together. “I told you--”

“Do you really think you could lie to me?”

“You don’t know me that well.”

Nikolai moves his freehand, touching my chin as a way to ask me to look at him. I meet his gaze hesitantly. “Yes, I do, and that’s never bothered you before but it does now.”

Maybe this is a conversation better had bluntly. “It bothers me now because you’re too old to hold onto the daughter of a palace handmaid and I’m too old to pretend that our different statuses don’t matter.”

“Y/n,” he breathes, “Nothing’s changed. Status didn’t matter to me when we were children, and it doesn’t matter to me now.”

“You can afford to say things like that.”

“What good is my title if it means I can’t,” he pauses, eyes hesitant, “If I can’t keep things the same between us?”

I smile, the sadness of the look weighs on me and I can’t even see it. “Nikolai, you always knew things would change.”

“No, I--”

“You can’t tell me you think your future wife would like you having such a close relationship with a handmaid.” I press my lips together. “One day you’ll fall in love and get married and you’ll want me to leave your bedchamber as soon as dinner is over because you’ll be eager to spend time with your wife.” His gaze hardens. “And that’s not a bad thing. It’s actually a really good thi--”

The last syllable of my sentence dies in my throat. Nikolai, who must be possessed by something, leans down and presses his lips against mine. I beg myself to resist, but his gentleness is everything I’ve ever wanted. He releases my hands in favor of holding my face. That’s all it takes--my hands move without my permission, into his hair--pulling him closer to me. What am I doing? I’m insane. Placing my hands on his chest cautiously, I push just slightly. He’s quick to obey, pulling away while allowing his teeth to brush against my bottom lip.

I gape at him--taking in his now slightly swollen lips. “Nikolai.” He can’t do this to me. We’re friends. Despite the fact that I’ve loved him more than I should--we’re friends. “You’re being extremely unfair.”

He draws his eyebrows together, sitting up quickly and moving off of me. “I’m being unfair? I have spent my entire life loving y--”

I sit up, furious in a new way. “You have not!” This is the dumbest I have ever been. I move to stand, still feeling the softness of his lips against mine.

“Your tooth fell out.” The sharpness of his words forces me to still.

“What?”

I can’t bring myself to turn and look at him, but I’ve always been able to feel any heaviness he bears. The weight of it leaves little room for air in my lungs. “You were ten. I told you ‘girls couldn’t fight’ so you punched me in the face. That was the first time we ever fought--I didn’t mean to hit you in the face, but you moved. You moved and I hit you in the mouth and your last baby tooth fell out. I expected you to cry or get angry, but you just blinked at me and laughed. You were happy to lose your last baby tooth because it meant you were grown up. And then you smiled and asked me if you looked older. If anything, the gap in your smile made you look younger but I told you that you looked like a grown-up because I wanted you to keep smiling. Because your smile made me feel like I won something.” I turn on my heels, but I cannot meet his gaze. “That was the moment I fell in love with you--so don’t tell me I haven’t spent my entire life loving you.”

The weight of his words is harder to survive against than the heaviness of his feelings. “Nikolai, you know we can’t ever be together--”

“Why not?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” I manage, voice low, “You almost married the Sun Summoner--”

“That was political--”

“Exactly, your marriage is meant to be political, and if it happens to be out of love--which is what I hope you get, because it is what you deserve--it will be to someone of status.”

Nikolai stands, the movement is that of a king, not the boy I know. “I do not want status or to love someone else--I want you.”

“I can’t take that from you--”

“You can’t take anything from me because I’ve already given it all to you.”

I press my lips together, heart tearing for him. “I love you too much to ruin you.”

My words seem to snap something in him because his eyes darken, the way he watches me adjusting accordingly. “You can’t ruin something that’s always been yours.”

I let myself smile. At him. At his words. At the foolish hope the child in me has clung to after all of these years. I reach for him thoughtlessly, because I have the right to. Because I’ve always had the right to. He’s quick to respond, kissing me with much more security than before.

This time, he pulls away of his own regard. “You still haven’t admitted that you were jealous.”

His teasing smugness isn’t as sour to me anymore. “I wasn’t.”

Nikolai pulls me towards him easily, lips threatening to brush against me, warm breath against my face. “Are you sure, darling? You were awfully quick to claim what’s yours.”

I roll my eyes, grinning so widely I’m surprised my face doesn’t yet hurt. “You’re the one that fell for a ten-year-old girl with a bloody mouth.”

When he smiles back at me, he places a hand on my hip, pulling me forward slightly. “That I did.” He pulls me forward slightly. "Does this mean you can sleep in here again?"

"If anything, this is more reason for me to sleep in another room." He rolls his eyes, pulling me even closer. "But I won't tell if you don't."

Nikolai leans forward, pressing his lips to my forehead. "Deal."

tags: @deardiarystuff @theincredibledeadlyviper, @grishaverse7 @benbarnes-supremacy  @tranquilitymoon @kaitlyn2907 @lunamyangel @christinawxxx @deceivedeer @real-mbappe @tonks33