#who violently murdered simon s. salty

[hmvw2015]

Two Little Spices

Out on a date this evening. UwU

[citruscloudd]

Smiling friends but they have to solve another murder

[msk29fan]

Salty's thoughts ( Smiling Friends)

I totally thought Salty's was the expy of McDonald's until I saw Season 2 and James requests MacDonalds in the most abusive way possible.

Is it confirmed that it's a chain?

Maybe national? Maybe regional?

The fact that they Mascots and the FDA took a deeply negative interest in their menu suggests that it's a chain rather then a local favorite of Charlie's.

[doodlyreone]

Smiling Friends at Pony Town Memories ADVENCHA!!!

Part III

An experimental bit to compensate for my always delayed screenshottter phone and archiving ponytown instances to doodles. I roleplay as Charlie and these are the highlights of my interactions with a Pim kinner @mellowvisions .

Although I haven't taken drugs, I felt like I am high in these conversations, it's just one shower thought after the other. This is the last bunch for today and it feels right it ends this way.

Hours pass and it's really coming along greatly. There's this awesome dude was nearby and like wow I can't take off my eyes on him like get this – he has more beard than any Santa Claus I've encountered in any mall. Like all natural beard. He let us touch it and it feels like an ancient artifact. It looks so cool and I'm considering about growing out a beard myself.

(Charlie and Pim having beards just makes them looking more akin to their voice actors bwhahshck. I really saw bright orange shirt with blue accent and white bandana having pony and I was like "IS THAT A DRAGONBALL CHARACTER?" I-)

Turns out the guy just got released out of prison and got the prison bar glitch 50 years ago. It is rumored around here in the local area with how bad the police are in their jobs that the prison cells are so tired of being empty, it just teleports in people, regardless of they're innocent or guilty. I don't really believe it, like I just think it's the police but it might as well happen here. I hand out the Smiling Friends building address to the guy by writing on his palm. Oh, the pen was from Pim, he always had some just in case we need to write on something and that pays off.

(I just love like trying to make sense of the show and its lore. Like as a charity that wishes to help people lift spirits, I wouldn't question like the building having a facilities to cater to those who are homeless or like neglected by society – have you noticed their building is beside an asylum. I improv that theres a public showers available and I wanna imagine they hand out free food too.

Uhh also referencing what happened to the background character in the Who Violently Murdered Simon S. Salty? ep like dude just walks out the theatre and be lookin confused when he's behind prison bars the next scene release him he did nothing wrong)

It's pretty uneventful after that. Pim and I discuss what just happened.

( I really like Charlie's front face in the Charlie Pim And Bill Vs. The Alien episode it reminds me of Captain Underpants somehow oml. Also, the disjointed phrases is mostly to blame with Ponytown chat limited-words-of-pop-up-at-time but it feels right since it emulates like Charlie and Pim sometimes cutting each other off it's brilliant)

What I heard is groundbreaking, earth shattering, reality tilting notion. I genuinely thought I'm just imagining the heart swelling chime because it feels nice but- but no Pim is actually hearing it too. Had the clients heard it as well? Is there someone tailing us behind waiting to play that chime when we'vedone our job? But no that can't be right cuz there's the constant decibel and tune and like we would have notice it and like no matter where we are, it's the same thing, as if it's not in the room for it to change its aural texture but instead like- like a sound bite overlayed on top of a show. I-I think I might actually puke from this, oh my God.

(SMILING FRIENDS IS INCOMPLETE WITHOUT EXISTENTIALISM BWHAHAHAHA. The genuine distress they're under after becoming too self aware oml. It translates to what if 4D dimension exists and we are just tv show for them kind of bit. Also I kept the misspellings and missing words cuz it adds character and funny - the sequel.)

UNTEXTED VERSIONS UNDER CUT:

[universallydestinytaco]

Even More Silly and Irreverent SF Headcanons

Warning: This glorified shitpost contains a heavy dose of MLM (Morons loving Morons)

EDIT: So apparently in the Spanish Dub for SF Charlie's girlfriend is named Zoey and I made this post before that info became more well-known and prior I dubbed her as Susan....Zoey is a cute name OMG

This one time Charlie, Dj Spitz, Glep, Mr. Frog, Jennifer, Shrimp and one reluctant Alan all decided to spend one April Fools day split into street gangs competing to see who could prank the most people within 24 hours before everyone involved was tossed in the county jail until Pim and a pissed off Zoey had to bail them all out the morning after.

Simon S. Salty tried to bribe his way into the Pearly Gates of Heaven with coupons at his shoddy restaurant but God was so offended by the mere idea of eating his slop that he told St. Peter to press the big red button to open the trapdoor under Salty’s feet to H-E-double hockey sticks so he can go peddle his 2-bit McDonalds knock off to those who truly deserve it. Eat up Satan ya big red loser!!!

Pim is actually much stronger than he looks, he can open pickle jars with one turn of the wrist and he can carry Charlie over his head while running a mile without breaking a sweat (or his spine for that matter).

Charlie bamboozled the entire internet by editing The Mr. Frog Show wiki by adding fake episodes with a source that lead to the famous RickRoll video, only for everyone to read him the riot act when he accidentally exposed himself. Hah! That idiot.

One hot summer day Glep spat on the sidewalk and the spit droplet just sizzled and evaporated into steam….from that point onward Glep has been trying to convince his co-workers that he can literally spit fire and when trying to prove such a claim he spat into Charlie’s coffee.

Pim and Zoey had to bail Charlie out of jail once again for attempted murder (See the HC above for the reason why).

Mr Boss was cursed into turning into an owl beast in his sleep and he has to take a potion once a day to keep him normal, hence why he was freaking out at the end of S2E1.

Alan wears a skin-tight red jumpsuit under his neck and tie and underneath all that he has goofy-print boxers with a smiley face patch on the seat.

Pim is still friends with Jennifer even after the initial mix up when he introduced her to Shrimp. She gives him special “Thank You” coffee and treats in the house every year on her and Shrimp’s anniversary.

Smormu does makeup tutorials and travel vlogs on YouTube.

Charlie found out that Pim and Susan both crush on him and decided: “Why not?” Thus was the beginning of a beautiful polycule.

James what super jealous and was ready to reap his revenge until Charlie pulled a Saitama and punched James in the nose so hard that he whimpered away like a pitiable little biyatch!!

Glep, Pim and Smormu went to Miku Expo cosplaying as The Triple Baka Squad (Pim called dibs on Miku).

Alan attends Beatnik Poetry Night with Glep on the bongos.

Smormu started dating Dj Spitz and lemme tell ya he is VIOLENTLY protective of her, Whoever killed Canon!Smormu wouldn’t stand a chance against this guy.

[thebunniesgrim]

Helluva boss needs to slow down  

I know I know take of the century I'm so big brained  

What I mean is the show is too excited  

Its given us some good episodes sure but goodness  

(You just can’t top Ozzie's there will never be a better episode and I'm trying cope frankly)  

I understand that as a show grows older and is still in development things change visions shifts yeah, I got it.  

But Viv has said that that she plans for Helluva Boss to have multiple seasons like at least 3 or so she has time to work out all her ideas  

Why is she rushing?   

like slow down babes the show isn't going anywhere

This show is so excited to get to the fun stuff they don’t want to build it up. They want Stolas and Blizto’s slow burn and love story but don’t want to really build them up as people outside their relationship or even together in the relationship. anytime blitzo and Stolas hangout together its whenever some other 3rd party is around. In LooLoo Land its Octavia, in Ozzie's its moxxie and Millie, and in Seeing Stars its Octavia again I mean at this point she’s the catalyst for their relationship. When they don’t have someone else involved its sex for the book. Bltzo and Stolas haven't hanged out in a meaningful way. Without sex  

I saw in a tumbler post that in the Helluva boss poster the fact that Stolas is bigger on the poster than the main characters who are small and off to the side. It really tells you how the show is going so far.  

And it's true so?  

If you knew nothing about Helluva boss and saw that poster you’d think Stolas was a main character, the protagonist, or the villain.  

Stolas is in 90% of the episodes and is a side/supporting character, at least that’s what the wiki says.  

A supporting character is supposed to not be important to the main plot but still helpful to the protag  

The folks behind Helluva boss are picking favorites and you can tell in the eps  

How come we didn’t get to Moxxie’s family life till season 2? a main character! But we got to see Stolas family life? A supporting character? and we see his wife her reaction to the cheating, his daughter and her view on the situation. But we don’t know about Moxxies family till season 2 or Millies family where it’s dropped to focus on Moxxie and Striker and the pain games (Sally Mae wasn’t in the pain games).  

Helluva boss made it seem like from episode one it was going to be about a trio of imps and a hellhound going to the human world to kill people for sinners and how many times did they do that? Let's see 

Murder family   

C.H.E.R.U.B. 

Truth seekers off screen at the being (I'm assuming because why would they be on earth as a group? the only people I think who’d go on earth to fuck around is Blizto and Loona)  

And  

Ozzie's off screen at the beginning  

Imp has only done their job like what? A few times? On screen that we’ve seen  

The synopsis of the show says according to IMDb says: 

And then the wiki says:  

Like what is this show about? because we haven't got what we were promised like?  

Like I get that helluva Boss is a satirical show and we aren't supposed to really be reading into it but what is it satirizing? hell? Office shows? What?  

Even “edge” adult shows have some semblance of structure or plot you know? Like Rick and Morty or smiling friends (can't wait for more episodes tbh) 

Rick and Morty didn't have an episode about not physically going to alternate universe still what? Ep 8 season 1? I could be wrong  

And Smiling Friends didn’t have Pim and Charlie do their job (I.e., making someone smile) still the Halloween episode or if you don’t count holiday episodes. Episode 5 Who Violently Killed Simon S. Salty   

They stick to the structure of the show for a few episodes and then do other stuff you know?  

Helluva boss was like nah speed run! And did the other stuff in the second episode and didn’t return to it till ep 4. I don’t count Spring Broken because it doesn’t really feel like they're doing their job basically it's not the same set up of sinner comes to them, tell them back story, they go to earth shenanigans ensue, and they kill the target. They've only done their job twice on screen  

Even non adult shows like  

Wonder Over Yander (I'd love another season) they don’t have a story not about Wonder or Syliva till season 1 episode 7 about Westley  

Steven Universe didn’t have a townie episode till episode 5  

In the episodes about killing, we could have gotten more intel on how the characters feel about their job. How they feel about each other and stuff  

Also, this show can't take plot points seriously or do good foreshadowing or set up  

Ok so Ozzie’s my favorite episode I love it :) 

But  

So stolas and Bilzto have a falling out in the end of the episode.

gasp drama!  ikr?

But here’s the thing they messed up the flow with Seeing Stars let me explain (studios)  

It makes since to me that they wouldn’t talk the next episode sure give them time to stew in their misery. sure  

So, the next episode is Queen Bee, then The Circus all goes good gives us some backstory cool  

it's going well... Until  

Uh no

Oops

Fuck 

Seeing Starts where Stolas and Blizto are just talking to each other like normal like nothing is happening between them  

and  

Don’t say they're worried about Octivia because if that’s the problem they get sidetracked so much and Stolas just forgets about his daughter.  

Like instead of just killing the humans stopping them from getting to Octivia. you're telling me that Blizto couldn’t shoot the van door open? Or overtook the drivers and drove around LA?  

Press x to doubt bitch  

Also, the fact that Stolas “has his ways” to find blitzo without his book he couldn’t use that to find Octavia? Really?  

I'm starting to think they aren't royalty. More like upper middle class you know that family with a 2 story house and pool you feel me?  

Because you're telling me that you “need” security to a theme park but you're only child and heir is out here magically unsupervised? wow  

Also, Stolas hasn’t taught Octava how to use the book. You would think that with how many hits he has out for his head he’d teach Octavia to use the book by now. Stolas started when he was like 7? Just saying  

Anyways what I'm saying is they fucked up the flow for western energy.  

If they didn’t have Seeing Stars there it would have been fine frankly  

Also  Stolas getting hospitalized and being fine in Opps was much a slap in face  

Like homeboy was fucked up right?  

Like leg messed up  

arm broken  

he was stab! With a holy weapon!  

And 1 episode later he’s fine... what? You almost died dude! Are you not traumatized? Worried about your daughter? No? Ok.  

And then the conflict in Ozzie's gets resolved through text  

>laugh track<

Also set up for like villains is kinda screwy  

So, first 

Villains we haven't seen again  

The Cherubs and D.O.R.K.S. we haven’t seen then since episode 4 and 6 respectively we don’t know where they are or what they're up to at all.  

The cherubs are a direct conflict to they’re business and the dorks are literally a threat if they catch them all of hell is in trouble and Stolas, Blizto, Moxxie, Mille and Loona (possibly Octivia and Stella if they know about it) are like fucked and will most likely be killed by higher ups for putting everyone in danger. Idk seems more important than Blizto and Stolas sex life  

(Also, if heaven and hell exist for a fact does that mean in the Helluva and Hazbin verse does that mean there are people in hell who didn’t believe in the Christan God? Also, what if they were good people? no wonder hells overcrowded) 

It's fine if they did a villain of the week thing like the powderpuff girls but in PPG the villains came back! No matter how irrelevant or lame (unless it’s the cooties kid then sure also did that episode make anyone else uncomfortable as a kid?)  

Now Villains that did comeback 

Striker, Stella and Crimson or the S.S. Crim. as I call them  

heh you know like a boat :)

So stella was obviously a villain from the start but she didn’t openly threat stolas till Western energy as well as Striker that was his grand entrance. So stella and striker were a threat and stella didn’t show back up still and pose a threat till like 4 or 5 episodes later. Striker didn’t come back till like what 7 or 8 episodes later lol and Crimson only had to wait 2 episodes to come back. Quickest we have so far honestly.  

(also, we were rob of more robot Fizz I like the way they made his voice it was fun to listen to)  

And the reason they came back is because they're popular! And favorites of the fandom and the writers and the creator  

No one's making horny fan edits of the dork agents no one's putting the cherubs in their favorite characters list unless its Collon because Collon is cutest of the 3 so... they got that going for them  

But other than that  

They most likely aren't coming back and if they do color me surprised  

The show keeps setting up problems and setting up major events then just not doing anything with them  

Like?  

If Helluva Boss slowed down then Western energy could have been a perfect way to wrap up Ozzie's, made a call back to Blitzo’s trip in Truth Seekers, and foreshadowed Oops.  

Imagine  

The episodes are  

Ozzie's(the best episode) , Queen Bee, circus, (get rid of Seeing stars put it in season one or hold off) Exes and Oohs, then western energy 

Give Stolas and Blizto some room to brood over what happened at Ozzie's  

(throw unhappy campers somewhere in there if you have too)  

Stolas moxxie and Mille just got done fighting Striker to save Stolas (so many s’ in one place lol) or better yet Blizto by himself saving Stupid ass I mean Stolas. Oops sorry  

Because let's be honest the hospital scene was unneeded and Moxxie and Millie could have took Loona to the hospital. It wasn’t a bonding moment between Loona and Blizto it was a waste of animation and time.  

Blizto (and the M&M’S) are fighting Striker having some witty banter back and forth. Striker playing into Blizto’s insecurity about the relationship with Stolas to the point the background of the cave is becoming goopy before fixing itself and they win agent striker as he flees to spouts “I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!” setting up his return in Oops before one more cheap shot at Stolas maybe dropping a stalactite on Stolas or shooting Stolas with Holy bullet in a place that’s not fully lethal.  

Have stolas think he’s actually going to die from his injuries to keep Stolas from passing out or to stay conscious or whatever have Blizto talk to him (if moxxie and Mille are there have them drive and Blizto is the back with stolas). Stolas is using what little life he has left to apologies to Blizto fully say he’s sorry for getting him in this situation, sorry he put in a situation he doesn’t want to be in for his business, sorry for being embarrassed at Ozzie’s, sorry for treating him like a play toy. Yada yada yada yada  

Have Blizto be covered in the goop from his trip and have some of it drip on Stolas. The person he views as untouchable and clean being corrupted and stained by his goop.  

Have Blizto try to reassure Stolas that he’s going to be ok and that he’s not going to lose him too. Have green flames subtly lick at the background and foreground as he stares at stolas slowly dying. He’s going to lose him but he’s not going to let what he has with Stolas slip from him like his mother, sister, Fizz, Verosika, etc. He’s going to save him like he couldn’t save his mom or Fizzarolli. maybe have the voices from truth seekers whisper failure, loser, and other demeaning things to bilzto.  

Have Blitzo declare he isn't going to let Octavia go through what he went through with the loss of his mom. When they get to the hospital and help is on the way have Blizto about to say something to him like “we’re at the hospital everything is going to be ok” before his sentence cuts off and Stolas is unconscious and unresponsive. Have Blizto yell his name a few times heart broken and worried as the nurses and doctors whisk him away. And a single feather from stolas falls infront of Blitzo as he whispers “please be ok” or a soft sorry  

But hey I’m not writer or showrunner so hey what do I know  

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

[very-uncorrect]

This is about which one you like the most, not which one you think is the best (yes they're different things)

[popculturebuffet]

Top 20 Animated Episodes of 2022, Part 2: 10 to 1

Happy new year all you happy people and welcome back to my best of the year list. If your just joining us ..

YOU CAN FIND PART 1 HERE

To breifly recap for those who didn't go click that link

Now your all caught up, let's get to the list itself.

10. Who Violently Murdered Simon S. Salty? (Smiling Friends)

"And none of you are leaving until we solve this!" "You didn't need to raise your voice man"

Look i'm a sucker for restraunt based shows, humor and what not. I just love food, and love stuff set around it. I'm an easy orangutan resembling a person to please. So a fast food based mystery with a bunch of weird mascots ranging from the more understandable (A ketchup packet, a mustard packet and a drink cup), to the slightly abstract (Said drink cup being a man horrifyingly poured into it, a pile of salt and a pile of pepper) to the smilng friends of it (A pile of grease who cheerfuly wants to be included, two manic eyeballs and a century egg), and having all have various quirk (Mustard being a femme fetale who ends up taking too long with the build up, salt and pepper liking to kiss in the closet ("that that's beauitful), said cup talking WAY too loong about his doodies or whatever the fun twins were up to), it wasn't a hard sell. But the episodes still a nice break from form as the police have outsourced to our heroes so when Charlie and Pym find the head of Charlie's faviorite restraunt murdered after undergoing a menu change, it's up to them to solve it. It's just a densely packed, wondreful little joke fest, cumilating in EVERYONE having tried to kill him while no one actually didi t and our various supsepcts being free to run riot in the streets.. somehow. Pure comic magic.

9. The Circus (Helluva Boss)

"Son Cease this bitch crying"

Helluva boss had a BIT of a rough time getting to season 2: it took half the year, the intended season finale , a one off special that wasn't plot relevant was held up in some sort of legal trouble Vivinzie likely can't talk about legally, and in general it was just a headache inducing wait for the fans.

Said wait was well worth it though as we go tthe Circus an episode that gave a suprising backstory for both Blitzo and Stolas, and their relatoinship. It also gave us Jonathan Freeman, aka Goddamn Jafar as Stolas dad and got him to say Jafar's signature catch phrase"cease this bitch crying". Good times.

Said bitch crying is because as many fanas guessed, Stolas really had no choice in his relationship with Stella, and given Paimon's never had to actually.. you know get his sons to agree with more than that, he bribes him with the circus… the same one Blitzo grew up in.

I honestly didn't see the two being something resembling childhood friends coming.. well friends is pushing it, to Blitzo he's just a kid who was kinda neat and who he robbed a bit because his dad is the worst and sold him for an ultra slim condom and 5 bucks. Honestly it's hard to tell which father is worse, but it's clear his time with Blitzo is one of the only times Stolas was ever happy. Which is just sad. It also explains a lot… part of how stunted he is emotoinally.. is that he was kept in these palace wals never really allowed to grow or taught how and stuck in a loveless marriage.

Said marriage is somehow WORSE than it appeared.

Yeah really. Stella holds a still not divorced party and talks shit while he's right there. I'm mixed on this.. not on her being awful, given she's willing to scream in front of her daughter on a DAILY basis, treats Octavia more as a prop to get back at Stolas than an actual daughter, and called out a HIT on stolas, we knew she was bad. We just didn't know how abusive, selfish, or cruel she was. It shows why Stolas clings to blitzo so much: Sure they have actual chemistry.. but around him he can actually be himself and any demaning stuff.. is simply Stolas not realizing how much it hurt Blitzo to be treated like a toy. He can be himself for the first time instead of having to drink all the abysnth just to function.

We also see that Blitzo.. forgot any of that happened and in typical Blitzo fashion his plan for the grimiore was just to.. steal it and no one would eve rknow.. and gets caught almost instanlty. The only reason he's not dead is Stolas is horny for him, though we do see Blitzo's barb wired, land mined, and set on fire walls go down a sec as he plans to just abandon stolas in bondage.. only to realize Stolas really needs this and a few or so hours later

It shows the story of two deeply traumatized people who badly need each other.. but don't really know HOW to communicate that. Blitzo probably needed it as much as stolas did, he's just been hurt enough and it took seeing him vunerable to see past the rich asshole to the vunerable manchild underneath.

We also get ONE HELLLLL of a cathartic ending as after singing out his misery Stella barges in, berates stolas.. who finallys tands up to her. While his adultry isn't great and I do like that the series dosen't hide the effect the divorce has on octavia even if it's LONGGGGG needed, we get the sense that like so many failed marragies he tried. He tried to love her, he tried to make it work but it's clear any attempts at that are long past.. and given Stella tries to hit him when he declares their divorcing, damn the consequence,s he catches it. He's finally free, for whatever that costs him. And god it feels glorious. HIm breaking her things next episode helped even if the timing was fucking awful. I cannot wait ot see where this goes.

8. Whispers At the Zigguarat (The Legend of Vox Machina)

"I broke the world for us"

You heard me gush about Vox Machina plenty in part one

This was one of the two best shows of the year, and it knew how to close things out. We'll get to the second part of this finale later, as it's enough of it's own thing to warrant two slots, but after a season of well done storytelling as Percy shot his way through the list of people who wronged him, found out his sister was alive only to seemingly loose her again, and the party as a whole fought it's way through jail cells, half assed solo fancy mansions, crotch lightning duels, silver tounged Stephen Roots, and naked acid baths… it finally comes down to this. Vox Machina versus the Briarwoods and a brainwashed Cassandra and Vax, all to stop the power couple from destroying the world.

The episode is almost entirley one long fight scene, with the party nicely divided up: Pike and a silenced Scalan take on Necromancer supreme Deliliah, Percy tries to fight both his possed gun and his sister to snap her out of her possesion, Vex tries to hold off vax, Keleth tries to reawake the suntree and Grog gets his rematch with the vampiric brute with the cool sword that's TOALLY not going to be a problem in of itself next season, Silas.

The resulting fights are gorgeous and well built up: We've seen how much Vex relies on vax and thus her forced to fight to the death with him destroys her, we see Percy fight his need for vengance and growing possesion to save the only family he has left, and pike and grog's fights nicely give both payback for the party's first fight with the briarwoods: After getting utterly curbstombed in his first fight, Grog uses all his wits

Which amounted to fighting blind and using the fact Silas coudlnt enchant him to empale and suplex the fucker, then pull a raditz when Keyleth used sunburst.

While after Deliliah breaking her phalicry (and Ashley filming a tv show in the original stream), left PIke mia and nearly killed her future husband, pike got to strike back and show her just why Delilah was wise to take her out. The resutling fight is just one long brutal climax as the Brirarwoods get what they deserved and deliliah is left without her husband, her attempts to summon her god seemingly futile, with her sheer brokenness DESPITE being such a huge monster, amazingly conveyed by Grey Deleise in one of her finest voice acting roles. She was the crews first and top choice and their faith was ENTIRELY justified. She's left at the mercy of percy.. whose looking a little shadowy there buddy.. percy.. percy.. ohs hit. We'll get back to this later just.. hold on pal alright?

7. Thanks to Them (The Owl House)

"Dear diary: All I ever wanted was to be good at something, to be around people who also liked that something. And when I found the Demon Realm, I thought, 'Wow, I found it. I can learn magic. I can be a witch! I-I won't have to be the dummy in the principal's office anymore!' But I messed up too much, and put everyone in danger. Mama said I have to learn from my mistakes, so… I know what I have to do now. On Halloween, after the Hayride, I'm telling everyone I'm staying in the Human Realm. Permanently." So after a 6 or so month hiatus, the Owl House returned for the first of it's three finale movies, which hopefully won't be the last as said movie…is on the cusp of breaking FIVE MILLION views on youtube.

Yeah i'm proud and this episode easily shows why. Like the other owl house episodes I did a whole review on this but in shor tit finishes the rehabilitation of Camilla's character, both giving an in character reason for her hating conversion camp.. and ocne she has context fully accepting the isles as a part of her child;s life: she accepts her coming out with pride (As we all expected), basically adopts the kids temporarily (Except Hunter, he has a foreve rhome now), and most importantly outright walks Luz back from trying to abandon her friends and the isles. It's a story about forgiving yourself, something I struggle all too freaking often to do, and thus related to heavily. But quality wise it's just objectively good cramming at least a four or five episode arc into two episodes of special.

We also get great hunter moments, Veesha, and Belos back, which helped my only gripe about the collector: Given the entire series was set up with Belos as it's true antagonist and even the collector being free was his fault, i was worried about him being a quick boss just for this special.. and while his possesion of hunter was horrifying if smelling of

It still gave us a tense fight scenes that leaves our heroes going into the next fight with TWO villians to worry about, the fate of two worlds at stake and a dead bird corpse freshly baked into a teenager. It's… it's going to be a lot and I can't wait to see it in two weeks. As for it leaking.. yeah i'm stayin away from that so if you need me

6. The Feast of Realms (The Legend of Vox Machina)

"YOUR SOUL IS FORFEIT"

Yeah i've never seen a show go from excellent to HOLY FUCKING SHIT so fast, so soon but after a two episode pilot that set a lot up, had david tennat playing another money hoarding creature of legend, and was generally good, the next episode is where the series really stepped up it's game now everything was in place and set the arc of the season in place.

In this case our ragtag bunch of heroes have just found respectablility as the protectors of emon, a new house, and a rousing round of ball tag. Seriously the joke shoudln't work this well, much like the literal pissing contest from final space, but the combination of Vax wincing "I didn't even agree to this stupid game" despite already having a point meaning even with that he's still participating, to his later revenge sucker elbowing Grod in his balls of many sperm for a three pointer and of course scalan knowing all the ins and outs apparnetly having become referee for hsits and giggles.. it's beautiful.

The real meat though is on our heroes having to mingle with high society…. which while not going how percy planned (Scalan accuses a noble of hitting on him for shits and giggles while Pike and Grog pound wine flutes like shots, as is custom), they get infintely worse when the Briarwoods, our big bads and the ones who murdered Percy's entire family show up and send him into ptsd. He opens up and our team heads on the offensive, with Vax sneaking out to go investigate while the rest of the heroe sput their apperance in at dinner.

Naturally.. none of this goes well. Percy has an outburst after Dellilah, clearly recognizing him, gleefully blames Percy's family for their own downfall while Silas enchants the kings mind, and Vax quickly gets caputred after. While he barely survives, it leads to a massive brawl, which not only puts the already awesome dragon fight to shame.. but shows our heroes arne't quite ready yet in a way that dosen't diminish their badassery: they had no ieda what they were expecting.. and thus while they fight the briarwoods well enough, they still mostly get laid out and Deliliah taking pike out early means an easy loss with the team minus a healer and the team dropping like flies, with Delilah cheerfully telling percy to stop by any time. Grey's performance as Delilah, as I said, is one of her best and this clinches it, the way she gives the necromancer plenty of personality and charm.. while still conveying she's pure evil to be stopped.

The scene tha tclincehs this episodes spot though is a draastic turn that, due to not having done any research on the campagin at that point, something I was NOT prepared for: Percy's response is to snarl "You let them get away'". While the entire main cast and our two main villians (Including Critical Roll dm and master voice actor himself Matthew Mercer as Silas), are fucking amazing, Talisen Jaffe does the legwork as percy and I was impressed to learn later that a LOT of Percy's most cutting lines and moments in this season were entirely just Talisen improvising. His various backstory monlogues are taken from the game, as is this moment as Percy SNARLS as he confronts what's clearly an innocent coach driver the briarwood left, leaves the poor man crawling.. THEN SHOOTS OFF HIS HAND as he puts on a creepy bird mask radiating shadows, while his teamate sna the audience look on in object horror. While Percy was no nonsense before he had a noblity about him, and not just because he rich.. and seeing his tightly put together mask of civlity peel off as a combination of possesion and his own need for vengance consumes him. The chillingly calm "Your soul is forfeit!' never ceases to amaze me and it' sonly our heroes getting arrested that stops him. It's one hell of a moment that sets the stage for 9 great more episodes of television and leaves the first batch of three on one hell of a cliffhanger, all thanks to good ol No Mercy Percy.

5. Fire and Ice (Craig of the Creek) Kelsey pondered her literary predicament. Was Kelsey… truly like Fire? Was Stacks truly like Ice? Were Kelsey and Stacks like… Fire and Ice? W-would that… be okay?

Another episode I reviewed, as part of a decent sized middle finger ot the don't say gay bill, and another classic. It also cements that had I gotten my act together Craig of the Creek would've had a place high on this list for some time, but even with a show this high quality that essentially serves as the spirtiual sequel to Recess, updating it for modern times with way more diversity and having it after school instead of during to allow for more creative freedom, this show is an absolute delight and this is easily one of it's best episodes.

See the show had long hitned at Kelsey being gay with her subtext with a blatant crush on wildernessa nad plenty of muttual ship tease with Stacks. The show didn't really make a bit deal out of it it was just clear she was likely into girls. The creators even just casuallyr evealed she and stacks were both gay via word of mouth. But the clever trick here is that just because the audeince could tell to the points the creator sdidn't bother waiting to confirm it.. dosen't mean the CHARACTER knows their gay.

As such this episode is one long coming out story for Kelsey and even then only the first, most important, and most nervewracking party ESPECIALLY for a young child: admitting it to yourself. Like Kelsey I ha dcrushes on men before realizing I was bisexual, but just.. never relaized it was more than appricating a man looks good. And I was about twice her age when the wave of terror of realizing hit me. So all these feelings of realizing this is real, not knowing what to do.. are hard.

It's doubly hard on Kelsey who has this relization in front of a target and is crushing on someone who not only may like her back, but is one of her closest friends. Kelsey's friendship with Stacks steadily grew over the series, the extroverted kelsey suprisingly meshing well with the introvert who prefers to stay in the library. The two even shared their love of reading with a secret society/book club that's progressed into writing their own books, all set up by previous episodes.. for the payoff here. Kelsey writes an adventure story reminicent of she ra with obvious avatars for her and stacks.. that are into each other. The problem is Kelsey and Stacks, being childrens, didn't realize their avatars were each other nor what that meant till Craig blurted it out for everyone. In his defense he both ENTIRELY doesn't realize what this means for both of them or the pain it would cause and as we see later in the same season wit his own love life it took him MONTHS to realize Wildernessa liked him after flat out confessing during capture the flag, and the obvious tension during breaking the ice. Craigy Boy is many things, most of them good.. but oblvious is very much one of them.

So this leads Kelsey into a panic as she realizes what this means and avoids stacks worrying about both destroying her friendship and how to progress the story… knowing it could mean progressing her relationship. We also get a nice moment as Craig misses the point.. but in a nice subtle bit JP POSSIBLY dosen't. It's left nicely vauge: my surrogate son is entirely dense… but there are little cues int eh animation that tell me him taking Kelsey to Kat, his sister Laura's girlfriend who turns out ot be a writer, wasn't just for writing advice.. but to help his friend sort out her feelings with people who not only likely had been there but who can ease her into it.

What follows is a truly great scene as Kat helps guide Kelsey, not only praising her writing.. but helping her realize that these feelings, while panick endusing are a bad thing.. and she should embrace htem. That having your feelings come through in your work isn't bad.. and said feelings are a good thing. ONe generation helps the next.. and through that Kelsey's able to not only finish the story.. but tell Stacks how she feel, leading to adorable handholding. Granted the story.. is far from over and hopefully we have enough time in season 5 or later this season to continue this before the series ends because damn you zaslav, as there's still a few steps in her journey to go but I can't wait to see the

4. Screech Leeches (Tuca and Bertie)

"Bertie you weren't a creep, you were a high school girl with too many hot wet sloppy high school feelings to know what to do with. Be kind to that creepy baby bertie, she wormed her way into my heart. " "Awww i'm your heart worm"

Another show bows out of this list though unlike Close Enough, where it comes off as JG Quintel has moved on… eeriley well at that, it's clear Lisa Hanawalt hasn't given up yet and the show might find yet another home. And given Season 3 was as good as ever and left with a lot of places to go, i'm hoping for. For now though the show left with a stellar season and one episode in paticular sucker punched me in the emotoinal gut. And while it sadly lacks Matthew Rhys using his belos voice as a sexy tree, speckle for more than one cameo or Tuca giving literal birth to bertie

It was easily the best of the season. Screech Leeches is really a stand alone, focusiong on Bertie as she spirals over her high school friend Muriel making a jordan peele style horror film that she feels is about her. What follows is a very long very painful flashback that shows just how lost Bertie was after her molestation: Her parents, as already establisehd didn't want to talk about it, her counciler was useless and her friends were worse than useless, none of them realizing what they did wrong or that it wasn't scoring… though one did go professional at being a bitch so… good for her..

Bertie does find a friend in Muriel who for the moment is what she needed: someone willing to lash out, who also had been sexually asaulted and gotten no help, and who helped her be angry. It's the kind of friendship we've all had: where you find someeone cooler than you and latch onto them.

And as we see while Bertie does start copying Muriel not only did muriel encourage it.. but then lead her on by kissing her. While Bertie then became a bit.. too obessive, it's as Tuca says at the end: She was a little creepy.. but also awash in 80 pounds of hormones, at a loss of any directoin. It makes Muriel rejecting her and tearing the poor girl apart so painful and there's no real cathariss: the film wasn't about her, and there's no real indication things would ever get solved. And that's how life is sometimes. Sometimes one of the worst moments of it. .is just an object lesson more than something you'll ever get real closure on. Hopefully the same won't be said for this series

3. The Beginning of the End/All-In/The Hardest Thing (Amphibia)

"Change can be difficult, but it's how we grow. It can be the hardest thing to realize you can't hold on to something forever, sometimes you have to let it go. But of all the things you let go, you'd be surprised what makes its way back to you."

Amphibia came to a close and while as I mentioned last part, the last batch of episodes was more.. okay.. the finale.. was true magic. While it's first part, The Beggining of the End was part of WHY that batch was okay, having the assembled army just go

When Anne was captured, which made little sense and felt like we just wasted a good chunk of build up building these armies when it amounted to fuck all. It's why this one didn't score higher, despite making it all the way to #3: it felt like an insulting waste in a series that really wastes little.

Thankfully what followed is easily one of the best tv finales i've seen, a masterful hour and a half (While the hardest thing was seperated it's basically one big movie) of payoff. And one of the first things it does once our heroes escape the floating castle, is make something I disagreed with, Anne's Parents staying behind, into something badass as they've become trained badasses in super suits and Mr. X, having done his face turn we all knew was coming now he realized that not all aliens are bad, just the one with floating final boss castles.

We get the epic battle we were promised.. as well as three excellent payoffs to each of the calamity trio's arcs: Anne shows how far she's come whil epunching a dictator in the face, Sasha fights her own self doubt and Darcy, and Marcy herself rejects what she's always wanted after realizing what other people wants matter and she can't just avoid reality. We also get abuses of goverment property, the Plantars conquering the very beings that took the kids parents so long ago, and k-pop, which is better than I ever thought it'd be. Yes i'm old. I know.

The final part dosen't let up with one final battle with the Core (Who I felt ended up underdeveloped , another small crtique), with an utterly epic version of no big deal.. and a truly tearjerking goodbye as our heroes have to accept amphibia is gone.. and instead of feeling like a copout.. it worked. I didn't like all the seperation.. but it worked for the theme matt was going for: Sometimes you have to say goodbye, nothing lasts forever.. but what the people you met taught you does.. and maybe just maybe they'll come back to you. And all live in a house together and be gay with each other. one can only hope. it was a truly fitting end to a truly amazing cartoon that became so much grander than I ever imagined and will stick me with me for some time. It's hard to let it go.. but this ep made it so much easier.

2. The Darkness Within (The Legend of Vox Machina)

"I know your in there. Darling, take off the mask…

See I hadn't forgot Percy getting ready to murder his tormenter. I did however didnt' mention things were even worse as Keyleth tearjerkingly took the bullet for Vex, who had been absolutely terrible to her all season worrying she'd loose her brother if he shot his shot with the ashari. Oh and Pike is gone, her astral projection she'd been using having run out

So it's not the best time for Orthax, the shadowy demon Percy unknowingly made a pact with and who increased his bloodlust for those who wronged him, to fully posses percy as Delilah taunts him, wanting him to finish the job.. so he can take full root in the man's soul and full control of the metaphorical demon he's unleashed, the creation of the gun. It's Percy's long dark knight of the soul and while it's clear Orthax nearly has him at this point and he knows he's being controleld by something.. he's not resiting at first. After all Deliliah destroyed his life, killed almost everyone he's ever loved, tourtured everyone in his home town, done countless other attrocities.. why not put one between the eyes? And the answer is simple: he does.. and that's it. Percy is gone.

So it becomes a tense battle between a possed no mercy percy and vox machina, who both don't want to hurt him and have to play keep away with depowered deliliah. While the fights in whispers were gorgeous, ther'es a reason it's on the list it's this fight that honestly compells me more. The fight there had plenty of character but this is the real climax: Percy versus his need to fill the void left by the briarwoods genocide of his family, versus the literal and metaphorical demon inside him, a living representation of vengance and how even if done for the noblest of reasons.. it only keeps going. As The List adds vox machina to each barrel it's clear this will never end if Percy isn't stopped.

It's also telling that what stops Percy isn't the fighting.. but a plea from Vex, love of his life and the only person able to get through to him so far. It's risking her life to stand up to him that finally get shim to relent if only for a second, taking the mask off.. and the animatoin is stunning as it is horrifying here as we see percy SOBBING with fear as he tells her when she asks him to put down the gun "I .. .can't it wont' let me".. and his solution is equally heartbreaking.. to put the gun to his chin and as Vex and Cassandra both beg him not to his response "I don't know what else to do"

Thankfully the shadowy demon puppeting him intervends then suggests him to psychological torment to try and get him to continue doing his bidding.

What we get is a truly gruelingly long nightmare as Orthax reveals himself, that he was there all along.. and uses hallucinations of Percy's family to torment him as he attacks unknowingly attacking his firends. Once again wha tfinally wins the day.. is love. This time the love of family as Cassandra takes her own turn, at vax's urging, begging him, getting him to let go… and let a round into his hand, freeing him from orthax.

The rest of the episode is largely wrap up, but well done: Percy apologizes for his actions, Scanlan wisely decides to just throw his gun in acid instead of dealing with it expense sbe dammed (Which Percy is righ tpissed about.. until a shadowy bird demon made of acid pops up as it screams it's hopefully last scream.. then he's a bit cooler about it), and Delilah gets hers… courtsey of cass. While Percy forgave her for his own soul.. she didn't have to.

Our heroes survive, whitestone has a chance to rebuild, Cassandra a chance to lead them, and our heroes are free to prance off to clear their name, taking a few days off.. which was good because the next shit show is literally around the corner. That dragon they killed.. was one of FIVE. and the others are bigger, meaner, smarter.. and heading right for Emon. See in you in a few weeks boys and girl! For now though it was an excellent way to end the season as Percy finally gets to breathe.. can he forgive himself? Can he move on? Will it take as long as it did in stream fo rhe and vex to see their menat for each other? All good questions.. but he's now free to answer them on his terms.

Hollow Mind (Owl House)

"Do me a kindness would you and call me by my real name?

After only making it to second place last year, Owl House wins top honors this year. It also FINALLY gives me a defending champion, as the last two years the winner was either on it's last season (BoJack Horseman ) or took a year off (Invincible), so while Owl house only has one more year to it, it has a very good chance of giving us our first two time winner!

For now though, it's gladly won top honors. It wasn't easy, I went back and forth between the top two a lot.. but in the end while both have some waking nightmare in there, the tight plotting, horrifying reveals, and sheer nightmare of Hollow MInd won out. In 22 brillaint mintues, we're taken inside Belos head… and neither Luz , Hunter nor the audience come out of there okay.

The setup is simple: Hunter barged in on the future CATS trying to get into Belos head, and not having fully been deprogrammed yet, tried tos top them. Luz trie dtos top him.. and so both ended up in his brain. It's a nice tense build up as the various flashbacks and a ghost child show us how Belos got here: We know he's phillip at this point, Elswhere and Elsewhen made that very clear, but we see that indeed his connection to the titan is bullshit

And in actually shocking news.. the sigils, while always figured to be something bad.. are designed to MURDER the participants. There was a lot of speculation as to what belos was planning, what his end goal was. And finding out he was phillip

So the reveal.. is painfully terrifying, and shockingly realistic… while he's using magic to do so and it's fantastical enough to slide by disney censors. .his end goal is still plainly, clearly, nakedly.. genocide. He wants witch kind dead.. nothing left and feels as a witch hunter that' shis job. That's all he's eve rwanted, why he made a pact with an elder god all of this.. was just pure bigotry in it's most gastly form. It's a simple motive.. but one that makes Phillip that much more horrifying as an antagonist. We all thought there was more to it.. but that's really all he wants and what all this was for and it suddenly changes the game: we needed to stop him.. but now if he's not EVERYONE who has a sigil dies. Every adult character we know except Eda is marked for death.

The reveal itself is chilling coming shortly after we find out Hunter.. isn't the first of his kind. Every one of the guards has died because Belos simply coudln't accept his brother was a bigot.. including the original Caleb as seen in some background flashback paintings. Belos has killed dozens of beings just for the crime of not being what he fooled himself into thinking his brother was. It's utterly chilling and Matthew Rhys gives the performance of his career as he gladly reveals everything, coldly tries to kill hutner, then gleefully tells Luz her paret in aall this.. I feel her not getting he was phillip soone rwas denial.. and finding out hits her hard. She helped cause this.. everything she loves is going to die.. and the guy responsible has the gall to ask for her help. She says no, he "can't reason with crazy" and luz BARELY surivives… it's a truly horrifying, long walk that ends with our heroes now having a short time to save the world, hunter runing and both our main heroes for the season utterly broken. It's a majestic half hour of television, the finest episode in oen of the finest shows i've ever seen.. and it firmly deserves this honor. A true masterpiece if there ever was one.

Thank for reading all of this. if you want more of my nosense you can find me HERE on twitter, and here's to another great year of reviews. Thank you all so much for your support. I love you all.

[nevermoredragon-main]

Recently @r3ndev and I have started talking about a little crossover headcanon that has become near and dear to my heart, ever since I watched chainsaw man and then jujutsu kaisen last year. You may have seen this influence in their most recent incorrect quotes posts, where Power from chainsaw man and Junpei Yoshino from jujutsu kaisen are interacting.

Basically I have a crossover idea in my head where a lot of stuff happens but the most relevant is that Junpei survives and so do some other characters that don't in the Canon of csm. And Aki, Denji, and Power all get hired to be bodyguards at jujutsu tech after the Goodwill Event because Gojo is salty that people keep trying to kill Yuji.

So Power and Junpei have a mentor and student relationship due to some funny relationship dynamic ideas I thought about.

Power is kind of similar to Mahito, due to how #silly and violent they both are. (Mahito should have adopted a cat. It would have fixed him/s). But in this case Power has a close relationship with Denji and Aki, and also because of her care for Meowy, which holds her back from murdering humans still.

So Power and Junpei's mentor and student dynamic is basically what Junpei thought he and Mahito were, but it's actually genuine this time. And also this is after being betrayed and nearly murdered by Mahito, so he is rather jaded and doesn't trust Power. Until eventually after fighting in battles, he starts to see her as a more attainable role model. Like, he looks up to Yuji and everyone else still, but looks down on himself for what happened at his old school and feels like he can't be like Yuji. Power meanwhile, is a more attainable role model, because she's sort of similar to Mahito without doing any of the cruel shit he does.

Also Power and Mahito have similar views on the worth of human life. Ex being Power saying "all life is inherently worthless, including my own, but if Denji were to die..." and also she would probably say something like "of course humans have hearts. That's how they circulate blood through their body." So she can teach Junpei to not focus on the people who hate him but instead the people he cares about.

Meanwhile Power in this situation takes Junpei under her wing because he reminds her of Meowy. Small and scrawny and helpless. After that connection is made, she feels protective over him and becomes attached to him, and also genuinely wants him to be selfish and fight for what he wants in a way that works for him. (She is the Kamina to his Simon basically.)

Anyway that is my ramble about this random topic... I wanted to make more text-based posts instead of just art because text is easier. Might have fanart about this later though.

[abhainn35]

The show is overhyped, about a 5/10. The art direction and mixed mediums are cool, the voice acting is good, the premise has potential, but everything else is just . . . eh. The characters are serviceable but forgettable, the plots are generic, and it was incredibly unfunny. It has it's moments, but too many of the jokes rely on grotesque art, screaming weird noises, or random shock (ex. the entirety of "Who Violently Murdered Simon S Salty", I understand absurdity but the ending made no sense and existed only to catch the viewer off guard). Some things I can break down with massive essays, like the book review I'm writing right now and going to post on here, but others I don't have much to say about. It's a show that exists.

guys give me your most controversial opinion!!! :D

[emziess]

Who Violently Murdered Simon S. Salty? Smiling Friends, Episode 5

[hellyesadultswim]

Smiling Friends "Who Violently Murdered Simon S. Salty" S01E05

[chuuugs]

Oh yeah i saw that the titles for all episodes of Smiling Friends dropped! (i couldent find a sourse for these so if they end up being fake oh well)

Gonna put a spoiler warning just in case, but also cause the last eps title is a possibley a major spoiler, but its so funny i cant even be mad at it

.

.

.

.

>Desmond's Big Day Out (the pilot episode that has already released)

>Mr. Frog

>Shrimp's Odyssey

>A Silly Halloween Special

>Who Violently Murdered Simon S. Salty?

>Enchanted Forest

>Frowning Friends

>Charlie Dies and Doesn't Come Back

[universallydestinytaco]

💖 >:3

(For the askbox game)

@sometimes-sleeby-octopus

Now I would list off my favorite episode in this particular answer BUT I wanna wait until I have seen ever S2 episode before that because I have a hunch that either one of the last three episodes to go is gonna wind up being my favorite of the entire series because this already-impressive and addictive show has vastly improved since it came back....with that said, I can list off my favorite S1 episode, or at least three contenders for the title.

While the "Whodunnit" plot is a tale as old as time and has been in numerous animated works for decades, I can safely say that "Who Violently Murdered Simon S. Salty?" might be my favorite take on this trope because not only does it avoid playing this plot straight like others, there's a couple of fun twists so the payoff/punchline to the mystery is legitimately hilarious, also I love how the episode showcases Pim and Charlie's dynamic so well here with how they approach the situation and how well they bounce off of each other with Pim being the sensitive and caring one while Charlie is the trying to present himself as the more gruff and business-like of the two while also coming across as a bit of a goofball, also that cute bit at the end satisfied this obvious Charpim shipper. But what happens when you get an episode where it's one without the other and will it work as well as the boys bouncing off of each other? Well...

"A Silly Halloween Episode" is a spooky fun romp where Pim being the wholesome and lighthearted character stars by himself in the dark side of the forest on a dark and stormy night while being targeted by a mysterious force. Why this works so well is that even though Pim is not playing off of Charlie's cynical disposition, instead he is juxtaposed to this uncanny Silent Hill/Blair Witch aesthetic and is clearly terrified while trying to keep it upbeat. I like how it feels like a Courage the Cowardly Dog episode or that Mickey Mouse short with the Mad Scientist. The beginning setting up the episode's ending is also a clever punchline. Now that we covered a SF episode with Pim as the focus and Charlie out of the picture, the last episode of S1 I will cover is the opposite.

"Charlie Dies And Doesn't Come Back" is actually the first episode of this show I watched from beginning to end. Long story short: Believe it or not, there was a time before 2022 where I hated Smiling Friends, because I tried to watch the pilot and initially wasn't impressed for reasons I'll get into when I feel like expressing in another in-depth editorial, another reason for my bias was because at that period I was just more invested in serious adult cartoons like Final Space and Primal. But then I considered giving the show another chance once I saw thumbnails on YouTube of nothing but glowing reviews for this show so I figured I'd give it a second chance in the future...coincidentally I did give it a chance when I was lucky enough to catch the [AS] 2022 April Fools Day broadcast on YouTube and I was not only impressed I was grinning like a fool the entire time and I was still chuckling about it the next day, I just had to bingewatch the rest of the show. What makes this episode work is like the last ep I covered: instead of Pim having a solo episode with a dark tone, Charlie stars in an episode bouncing off a more comedic-toned episode instead of bouncing off of Pim and the episode is even better after seeing the rest of the show because after witnessing Charlie trying to look more stoic than he really is for most of this chaotic show his pokerface is dropped once he makes it clear how freaked out by his unhinged violent environment. The climax-leading-to-the-ending is also incredibly sweet not just for Pim and Charlie's reunion but in retrospect this is because it would turn out to be one of the last voice performances of comedy legend Gilbert Gottfried before his passing in mere days after I saw the episode it made the climax when the character he voices even more of a pleasant surprise, what a way to cap off a carrier...

I know, big shocker I used to hate this show before it came out when it ended up becoming my biggest non-Anime obsession at the moment, but it's not the only shocking opinion I have regarding this show as I have two yellow hearts to answer with a bombshell to reveal for each.

[aion-rsa]

Star Wars: Best Bounty Hunter Stories

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With the release of The Mandalorian, it's time to take a look back at the best Star Wars bounty hunter stories!

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With The Mandalorian exploring a lawless corner of the galaxy far, far away, bounty hunters -- the scum of the galaxy -- are now at the forefront of the Star Wars universe. Certainly, it's been a long time for fans of the most famous bounty hunter of all, Boba Fett. But, as the famous scene in The Empire Strikes Back shows, there's a whole stable of bounty hunters working across the galaxy for the highest bidder.

Besides Boba Fett, the other intergalactic scum only had a few seconds of screen time in The Empire Strikes Back, but those brief ticks of a clock were unforgettable. The image of a few alien toughs, some truly salty looking armored humans, and even a few droids fueled the imaginations of Star Wars fans for generations. So we thought we’d take this opportunity to spotlight some of the coolest Expanded Universe tales featuring Dengar, IG-88, Boba Fett, Bossk, Zuckuss, and 4-LOM.

Stream everything Star Wars with a FREE TRIAL of Disney+, on us!

Now remember, most of these stories were wiped out of continuity when Disney took over the galaxy far, far away, but that doesn’t make them any less readable and awesome. And yeah, we may even have a few that are part of the current Star Wars canon.

We promise there will be no disintegrations as we turn back time and examine the coolest bounty hunter stories of the Star Wars galaxy:

Dengar

Ah Dengar, we know kids of the 80s probably referred to you as Diaper Head, but you are still badass. Dengar was front and center when Vader gave the bounty hunters their marching orders and could also be seen chilling out in Jabba’s Palace in Return of the Jedi. Dengar was played by Morris Bush, an actor who also appeared in Hammer’s Scars of Dracula (1970), the Christopher Lee pot boiler Creeping Flesh (1973), and the bizarre Ringo Starr musical comedy Son of Dracula (1974). Interestingly enough, Bush worked as a stand in for David Prowse in Star Wars (1977). According to Prowse, that is Bush’s foot you can see kicking Obi-Wan’s cape after Luke’s mentor is struck down by the Dark Lord of the Sith.

But where can you read about ‘ol Diaper Head? In the 1996 Kevin J. Anderson-edited Tales of the Bounty Hunters anthology (get ready, this isn’t the only time I’m going to mention this collection in this article), author Dave Wolverton related Dengar’s origin in a short tale entitled "Payback." In this piece of essential Dengar fiction (yes, such a thing exists), Wolverton details that Dengar used to be a swoop bike racer who was injured as a teenager by his racing rival. Of course, that rival was none other than a young Han Solo. Wolverton makes Dengar’s vendetta against the captain of Millennium Falcon very personal.

Read More: Star Wars Movie and TV Release Date Calendar

But Wolverton’s hyper-readable story isn’t our Expanded Universe essential Dengar pick. That honor goes to the season four episode of Star Wars: The Clone Wars entitled "Bounty." In this toyetic installment of Clone Wars, an aimless Asajj Ventress joins up with a band of roguish bounty hunters that includes a teenage Boba Fett, Bossk, and the grizzled, weathered Dengar. Dengar plays a secondary role in this episode (doesn’t he always) to Fett and Ventress, but when Dengar springs into action, he truly shines. Better yet, Dengar is voiced by lifelong Star Wars lover Simon Pegg (Shaun of the Dead, Star Trek), and you just know that when Pegg was a wee lad he took his Kenner Dengar figure on many adventures. Pegg’s Star Wars enthusiasm shows as he fills the once tabula rasa Dengar with a salty, badass personality. "Bounty" was a Dirty Dozen-like adventure through the underbelly of the Star Wars galaxy and finally gave fans a sense of who the bandaged badass of Star Wars truly is.

IG-88

With a scant few seconds of screen team, IG-88 showed the world that not every droid in the Star Wars universe is cutesy. Yeah, we saw a few black imperial R2 and R5 units and a smattering of Death Star sroids, but IG-88 was a different mechanical animal all together. IG-88 was all sharp edges with a surreal design and multiple big honking firearms. Fans only got one quick glimpse of this death machine, but it was enough to emblazon this oddly shaped engine of destruction in fans’ minds forever. IG-88 was built and operated by puppeteer and effects guru Bill Hargreaves, and by operated I mean that Hargreaves moved IG’s head a tiny bit in Empire. But, damn, what a creation!

So we’re going to take IG-88’s chosen chronicle from the aforementioned Tales of the Bounty Hunters. In a short story entitled "Therefore I Am," it was revealed that everyone’s favorite murder droid had a great deal in common with Marvel’s Ultron. You see, in this tale, it was revealed that there were actually four models of IG-88 that shared the same malevolent consciousness. The IG master intelligence wanted to kick start a droid revolution and conquer the galaxy, but when it was activated, IG-88 murdered its creators and then built three duplicates of itself. One of those duplicates answered Vader’s call for bounty hunters while the others began plotting for the droid uprising. After Vader gave his marching orders, IG-88 stealthily downloaded Imperial files off the ships’ computer. Through this data theft, the assassin droid discovered top secret plans detailing the construction of a second Death Star.

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After IG sent that info to his duplicates, it tracked Solo to Bespin where it had a violent encounter with Boba Fett. Hey, remember the IG carcass in the background of the Ugnaught smelter sequence in The Empire Strikes Back, the one where the little pig people played keep away with Chewbacca? Yeah, this short story explains that carcass, as Fett blasts the IG unit to oblivion. But there were still three IG-88s out there. Two of them went after Fett but the last remaining IG-88, get this now, downloaded itself into and took over the freaking Death Star. Yes, according to Anderson’s "Therefore I Am," at the end of Return of the Jedi, the Death Star gained sentience thanks to IG-88. Of course, this was right before Lando Calrissian, Wedge Antilles, and Nein Numb blew the sucker up, but still, a malevolently intelligent Death Star is about as badass as it gets. That certainly would have led to the droid uprising, if not for fate and a fateful, last ditch bid at freedom by a desperate band of rebels.

IG-88—from a blink and you’ll miss it first appearance to a bee’s eyelash away from wiping out all non-mechanical life in the galaxy. Awesome.

Boba Fett

Can you imagine Star Wars without Fett? Honestly, the whole saga wouldn’t have been much different on screen, but it certainly would be fundamentally altered in the hearts and minds of fans, because Boba Fett’s legend lives in the Expanded Universe, or fans’ own personal expanded universes at least. There is a mystique to Fett. Maybe it’s because Boba Fett was the first mail away action figure which signaled to SW fans everywhere after 1977’s Star Wars that there would be more adventures in a galaxy far, far away to come. Perhaps it’s the fact that the Fett figure was supposed to feature a rocket-firing backup until Kenner grew worried that kids would choke on Fett’s spring loaded missile. Dude, Fett is so dangerous he was considered a threat to real world children before he made his film debut. Take that Dengar!

Perhaps it’s that badass souped up Stormtrooper like armor that Fett wears or perhaps it is because every inch of this gravelly voiced outlaw is covered in dangerous armaments. There are countless reasons that the whole world has a Boba Fettish and the stories we are about to list take advantage of this rarified adoration. It’s hard to narrow down just one great Boba Fett Expanded Universe story, so we won’t. We’ll hit you with a few.

Boba Fett was played by Jeremy Bulloch in both The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. For years, no one knew the lethal bounty hunter’s origins until George Lucas detailed Fett’s clone birth in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones (2002), but before that, Fett was a mystery than many Expanded Universe creators tried to shed some light on.

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First up is a yarn entitled "Prey" that appeared in Dark Horse Comics’ Star Wars Tales #11 (2002). This flashback story written and drawn by Kia Asamiya features Fett being dispatched by Moff Tarkin to retrieve Han Solo after the future hero of the Rebellion defects from the Imperial Navy. Darth Vader disagrees with giving this assignment to a bounty hunter and goes after Solo himself. This leads to Fett and Vader engaging in an eye popping lightsaber battle in the middle of the Mos Eisley Cantina! Fett, who had procured a lightsaber from a dead Jedi (awesome), held his own against Vader, proving that this bounty hunter backs down from no man. Solo escaped by attaching his ship to a Star Destroyer and floating away when the warship dumped its garbage. Hmm, that sounds familiar, huh? This battle also built that subtle grudging respect that can be felt when Vader addressed Fett aboard the Star Destroyer Executer in Empire.

From the Dark Horse era to the first Marvel Comics era, let us go back in time to Star Wars #81 (1984) by Jo Duffy, Ron Frenz, Tom Palmer, and Tom Mandrake. There have been a number of Expanded Universe accounts of Boba Fett escaping the Sarlaac Pit, but this semi-classic published by Marvel just happens to be the first. The issue was entitled (get ready for it) "Jawas of Doom!" Let that sink in for a moment.

The story takes place just after the Battle of Endor and sees Han Solo searching for some extra cash. Han, Chewbacca, Leia, R2, and C-3P0 fly to Tatooine so Han can withdraw his credits from a Mos Eisely bank. Sadly, Han’s credits were frozen at the same time he was (in carbonite, natch!). Meanwhile, Boba Fett was spat out by the Sarlaac Pit and picked up by aggressive Jawas. It seems that since Jabba the Hutt’s demise, the Jawas have become more and more aggressive. In other words, the only thing that was keeping these hooded desert rodents in check was a mob boss, and now that Jabba is gone, the Jawas have become a gaggle of little murder bundles. So the Jawas droidnap R2-D2 and Boba Fett, whom they mistake for a droid due to his strange armor. Boba Fett has amnesia because comics and becomes the Jawas hapless prisoner (this is like an action figure adventure I would have had with a 103 degree fever).

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Han, who sets on a rescue mission, boards the Sandcrawler and is shocked to see Boba Fett. The two former enemies work together to defeat the Jawas (no, really) until Fett regains his memory and takes a pot shot at Han. Han leaps to safety just as the Sandcrawler plummets into, you guessed it, the Sarlaac Pit. Wahh-wahh-wahhhhhh! What a strange little must-read story. First off, it featured the first post-Return of the Jedi appearance of Fett and, secondly, it then almost turned Fett into a kind of tragic hero before depositing him back into the same pit of death in which he met his ignominious film demise. One has to wonder if Marvel was under marching orders by Lucasfilm to make sure Fett stayed in the Sarlaac, and if so, what kind of plans did Lucas have for the fan favorite hunter killer back in 1984? And what about those killer Jawas. How are you not eBaying this right now?

Let’s move on to some alternate escapes from the Sarlaac Expanded Universe fiction, shall we? We have discussed Tales of the Bounty Hunters ad nauseam (and we will again), but now, let's take a look at Tales from Jabba’s Palace (1996), another Kevin J. Anderson-edited anthology. In "A Barve Like That: The Tale of Boba Fett" by J.D. Montgomery, readers get to experience Fett’s time in the Sarlaac. This short story features the most backstory that was ever revealed about the mysterious bounty hunter pre-Attack of the Clones, as fans are welcomed into Fett’s thoughts for the first time. Most of these thoughts consist of “Oh my lord, I’m slowly being digested over a period of a thousand years. It hurts. It hurts. Solo is a dick!” but there is also a great deal revealed about the heart and spirit of the hunter.

This tale mostly takes place within the Sarlaac, as a trapped Fett is able to converse with the Pit’s first victim, a being named Susejo. Through Susejo, Fett learns how hopeless his plight truly is—but guys, this is Boba Fett, the most lethal bounty hunter in the galaxy, a walking weapon, the first mail away action figure! Fett isn’t having any of that noise and tricks the Sarlaac into digesting his rocket pack. Well, Kenner was right, that backpack was dangerous, and when the thing explodes, Fett is freed of the Sarlaac. Pretty intense and much better than dying while fighting rabid Jawas. Montgomery’s tale really highlighted what Star Wars fans new all along—that nothing can stop Boba Fett, the most lethal bounty hunter in the galaxy.

Boba Fett is so badass he couldn’t even be stopped by the The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978). For real, the haphazardly animated nine-minute animated short featuring the introduction of Boba Fett is the only watchable part of the infamous Christmas special. In this short, Han Solo and Luke Skywalker fall victim to a sleeping virus and Chewbacca and the droids must team with a mysterious armored figure named Boba Fett to save the heroes.

Over the course of the stiffly animated feature, Fett fights a lizard dragon thing and is still a menacing presence despite the fact that he barley moves in this unbudgeted production. Now imagine, kids everywhere sending away for the Kenner figure and encountering Fett for the first time in the Christmas special. Even though the rest of the special is unwatchable, Fett’s animated debut must have been pure magic for Star Wars fans of a certain age. And that’s why we love Fett and his mystique, because his uniquely marketed pre-The Empire Strikes Back introduction into the Star Wars galaxy introduced the very idea of an Expanded Universe. Expect more Fett very soon, possibly in his own feature length film in the next few years.

Bossk

Bossk, possibly the most fearsome looking bounty hunter to gather on the Executor in The Empire Strikes Back, has long been an iconic but minor adversary in the Star Wars saga. Like Fett, Bossk was a Kenner mail away action figure, which just adds to the aura of this Trandoshan villain. Bossk is so tough, he doesn't have time for footwear, and his arms and legs barely fit into his famous yellow space suit. You just know that Bossk ripped apart some poor pilot to score his flight gear, and the lizard-like bounty hunter really pops in the few seconds he is onscreen in Empire.

Played by British actor Alan Harris, Bossk also pops up in Return of the Jedi and has appeared in many Expanded Universe tales. By the way, that Bossk’s famous space suit was a leftover costume used in the 1966 Doctor Who episode "The Tenth Planet Part 1" is pretty cool sci-fi synergy, huh?

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To find our Bossk highlight, we look to the recent past and to the young adult Star Wars Rebels novel Ezra's Gamble by Ryder Windham (2014). Before this EU tale (which is part of the new Disney canon), Bossk was traditionally portrayed as an almost mindless, cannibalistic brute. While this has added to the infamous legend of Bossk, it didn’t leave room for character subtleties. Windham took care of all that by portraying the Trandoshan as a morally ambiguous hunter with a unique sense of honor.

In this recent prose Rebels adventure, Bossk is depicted as a reluctant anti-hero with a conflicting sense of right and wrong. Bossk helps Ezra Bridger and is presented to fans in a heroic light for the first time. But in Empire and in other Expanded Universe fiction, Bossk is a flesh-hungry monstrosity who uses his personal ship, the Hound’s Tooth, to track his prey across the galaxy. So whether you like the new, more complex Bossk or the slavering, blood hungry scum of yesteryear, you've got to admit that with a few short seconds on screen and one garbled line that almost caused ‘ol Admiral Piett to poop his Imperial trousers (Res luk ra'auf!), Bossk has long captured the imagination of Star Wars fans.

Zuckuss and 4-LOM

Before we delve into our final pair of bounty hunters, let us play the name game. When Kenner produced its last two bounty hunter action figures in 1982, the toy company made a bit of a boo boo. Kenner used the Zuckuss name for a character that was clearly a droid and used an alpha-numeric droid designation for a character that was clearly an alien. Yes, according to Kenner, 4-LOM was an alien and Zuckuss was a droid, but history now tells us that Kenner done screwed up. In recent years, 4-LOM has been correctly identified as the bug eyed droid aboard Vader’s Star Destroyer in Empire, and Zuckuss has become the robed, bug eyed alien and all is right with the galaxy.

But this name confusion just adds to the mystery of these two strange beings. The two bounty hunters in question appear in the same shot together and thus, have always been associated with each other. So when the two made their first appearance in the Expanded Universe, they did it as partners, as the Lenny and Squiggy of the Star Wars universe, but with an intense blood thirst and lots of guns. Before we delve into our 4-LOM and Zuckuss highlight, let us mention that 4-LOM was played by actress Cathy Munroe while Zuckuss was played by Chris Parsons (who also played the white protocol droid that appeared on Hoth, K-3PO—because if we’re going to go SW obscure, we might as well take it all the way to the extreme).

Okay, of course our 4-LOM and Zuckuss tale comes from Tales of the Bounty Hunters because quite frankly, neither of these scums has made many Expanded Universe appearances. You would have thought that with their really awesome costumes 4-LOM and Zuckuss would have popped up in Jabba’s Palace in Return of the Jedi, but nope, it was one and done for this pair of assassins.

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In the Tales of the Bounty Hunters story, "Of Possible Futures: The Tale of Zuckuss and 4-LOM" by M. Shayne Bell, fans learn the complex histories of both of these blink and you’ll miss ‘em bounty hunters. 4-LOM and Zuckuss ambush a group of Rebels as the freedom fighters are attempting to escape Hoth during the first act of The Empire Strikes Back. The pair planned to sell the captives to Vader and the Empire.

During the mission, fans learn of the background of both bug-eyed bounty hunters. 4-LOM was once a simple protocol droid whose programming became compromised. At first, 4-LOM began stealing from passengers of a luxury liner he worked on and before long became proficient in all sorts of mayhem. Eventually, 4-LOM embarked on a career as a thief and a bounty hunter and became so infamous, that even IG-88 considered recruiting 4-LOM into the droid revolution but thought better of it because the former protocol droid’s personality was too unstable.

As for Zuckuss, this diminutive killer was a member of the Gand species, a group of insectoid aliens that breathed pneumonia and had to wear specially-made breathing apparatuses or suffocate in oxygen rich atmospheres. Gands also used special chemicals called the Mists to help them reach precognitive trance states. Whether Zuckuss really had mystical powers or just kind of got high and hunted people is unclear, but it was clear that this alien and droid made a formidable pair.

In Bell’s tale, Zuckuss and 4-LOM are also shown to have a sound moral compass as, after the bounty hunting duo capture the Rebels, they free them and help the fugitives escape the Empire. So there you have it, according to the now out of continuity Expanded Universe tale, two of our infamous bounty hunters in question possessed the heart of heroes even though they looked like things that crawled out of an H.R. Giger fever dream.

Most of these Expanded Universe tales are now expelled from the Star Wars canon, but the wonder that surrounds these six bounty hunters remains. As we move towards countless more Star Wars films, books, comics, and cartoons, you can be assured that these six characters that captured fans imaginations in about six seconds will continue to fascinate Star Wars fans of every age. Happy hunting.

Marc Buxton is a freelance contributor. You can read more of his work here.

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Marc Buxton

Nov 13, 2019

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