#who talked about mental health and anti drugs and hope i guess

[vampvelvet]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I've been doing better mentally these past few weeks and a lot of it boiled down to things people have been telling me my whole life. I mean, I had gone through traumatic events some years ago which caused depression. then I fell into a codependent friendship which has worsened my mental state. only now that I have backed out of that friendship and started to think more about myself and how I feel, did I figure out how to keep myself going well.

I found hobbies im interested in, I've been using music I adore to keep my spirits up, I've been getting outside more, getting more exercise, using my phone less, living more in the moment, diversifying my friendships, taking time for myself, etc etc etc

and seeing myself improving in these ways makes me feel optimistic, thinking, these are the things that helped me, they can help you too! it's easy to get excited about that.

but none of those things were the solution to my problem. those were parts of healing, ways to keep my rhythm, ways to give me energy when I feel like going back to what I typically do when I'm depressed.

but they weren't *the solution*. and that made me realize why only now I'm following all this advice that I had been given to me for years and years. why people get so cynical and annoyed when others try to motivate them into getting out of their depression. because staying inside, staying sedentary, overusing phones, avoiding socializing, etc- those things aren't the cause of issues, they're the *symptoms*. and when someone is in a terrible mental state they're not going to realize/notice/care about the things that they're using to cope with their lives.

I don't know what the solution is. everyone's lives are different. for me, it was getting out of a codependent friendship. I don't have the answers. but it's going to be something bigger than just 'getting out more'.

people have to see the future on their own. there are moments when people realize that they have to take their life into their own hands. nothing is easy, but things can get better.

long rant in the tags if you're interested. take care <3

[thanatoseyes]

My mental health?

My therapist says I should talk about my mental health more and I only have like three friends. So I thought I would type it out here. I've had delusions and hallucinations that lasted intensely for a month and while recovering they lasted for a few more months after that. It didn't get better until they upped my dosage of medicine and I still feel like it's not enough sometimes. I don't get the hallucinations any more, but sometimes I get so stuck in my head that it starts to get a little bit delusional.

Some delusions that I've had were as follows:

Believing people were out to get me.

Believing people weren't who they said they were.

Believing that the people that I loved had been replaced with something else.

Believing that the people I loved were trying to cause me harm (i.e. by drugging me).

Believing that people were vampires and there was a hierarchical system.

Believing that the people around me were reincarnations of gods and people from myth.

Believing that the literal devil and angels were walking amongst us.

Believing random strangers were people I knew.

Believing that certain hand signals meant certain things.

Believing that people were talking about me when they really weren't.

Believing that everyone's thoughts were connected in some way, sort of like a fungus.

Now I don't believe those things. I'm taking antipsychotics, anti depressants, and mood stabilizers.

In the hospital I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder with Psychotic Features, but since then I've had another diagnosis Bipolar NOS (not otherwise specified). My symptoms don't follow a regular bipolar diagnosis be it bipolar 1, bipolar 2, or Cyclothymia. I have the symptoms, but they don't check all of the boxes.

Really, the only things I need to be working on are my agoraphobia and paranoia.

All of this sounds like a lot and it is something I haven't actually told anyone. I've told my therapist that I've had delusions that people aren't who they were, but I just left it at that. The rest of the stuff sounded too fantastical and I didn't really want to get into it with them. They weren't my first psychologist, but they have been my longest. I have an appointment with them in a few days. I'm hoping it goes well.

I'm better now. Far better than I have been. But sometimes I'm afraid I'll forget things. I usually have a great memory, but when I was having my psychotic episode time became a bit of a blur and reality started to shift. It was hard to keep track of what I was dreaming and what was real. It turned everything into a messy puddle.

Again, I'm better now. I guess if anyone has any questions I'd be happy to answer them. . . I'm not really expecting anyone to read this. It's just something I'm dealing with and I'm hoping if someone reads this they won't feel so alone, because I've felt alone. I felt more alone in those months than I have ever felt in my life.

Au revoir.

[skiesinblue]

I’ll be turning 17 this year, turning into a more mature and responsible person as i think i can be.. to be more realistic and transparent in front of the world, but still not being more of an open person cause there are few things you are suppose to keep within yourself or your circle and it stays till there. Last year i leant a lot of things from life; how actually the world like my parents always mentioned to me about, is, how things work around you, how to carefully take each step in your life while being totally aware of the consequences in the future cause one big or even a small step can bring a huge change in your life. Next year i’m looking forward to a lot of things because as i grow up i have started to understand the working of this earth, it’s every revolution and rotation and different aspects. I’ll be mainly focusing on myself and my family foremost, also some of close friends.

Firstly, what i learnt last year was how actually people are, they can turn into snakes into just a matter of seconds which, not gonna lie, is creepy, scary, terrifying, horrible and above all, risky. Yeah, but there are still some people who are worth something, even though you nearly met them a couple of months ago, they totally get your vibe and that’s totally fascinating!! But honestly, this types are very very few species, you can’t get them everywhere, what i mainly noticed last year was all about negativity i came across among all the people i’ve met in my entire lifetime, and i’ve been noting all the points optimistically, there’s no discrimination on that. The main thing i understood what my parents used to warn me about, “be careful while making friends,” but at time i was an early teenager and i didn’t get things maturely, i was like, “they’ll be just telling and blah blah, it’s something that shouldn’t be bothering me much,” but now it does. I am thankful that my parents are strict against me and now that i’ve been taking every step carefully knowing the circumstances of the future. Kids of my age be doing drugs, parties, toxic relationships and all you say ‘cool’ stuff, i thank my parents cause they kinda actually protected me from all this. Things influence me quickly and as parents they definitely know about it since i’m their kid, ha!! They’ve turned into a person i never thought i would become. I’ve been anti-social which technically means i tend to remain away from all this stuff, and they are absolutely not the reason why i’m anti social; i made myself one ‘cause at one point in my life i understood that all this is not worth anything, it’s just timepass and does not have any such positive outcome; all you gonna end up doing something that’s inversely gonna affect you, your mental or physical health, priory studies and your career most importantly. So yeah, i’m heartily grateful to my parents to mould me into a perfect person i thought i would never be. Since i also started to pre-maturely understand things, i even discuss it with my parents whether if it is any topic or anything, i talk to them pretty openly and it’s feels comfortable discussing things with him; after all they’ve experienced life more than enough than me, i learn things from them and moreover discussing various topics helps me gain certain amount of knowledge required for me to act smart. They help me to get aware of things around, how to act smart and not get left out, etc., basically life lesson after all im going to be adult soon. They’re teaching me various things, as in social networking and i can’t mention how much they help me.

yeah, so i guess that’s it for today. i hope i am going in the right direction my life being all positive and carrying all the good learning’s… i’ll maybe share more thoughts on genres like this since it makes me think positive and more reactive, i guess (??) lmao.

— skiesinblue