#who knows JUST GET THIS GUY THERAPY FOR CHRIST SAKE

[my2t3rry]

Someone Get this guy some help

[cult-of-the-eye]

Something horrifying occurred to me today. If my father was a fictional character, people would think of him in a similar way people see Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute. Here's why:

He has had So Much Shit happen to him. Like Jesus Christ. Like string of unfortunate deaths kind of shit. Like how is this man still functional kind of shit.

He's also had such an interesting childhood and life he's such a wildcard like my dad randomly telling us how he smuggled some guys over the border when he was like 19 is giving the same vibes as Jonathan Sims saying he knows what a meme is

That's not to say he's a huge badass or anything (he is but for the sake of this comparison) he was terrified out of his mind the whole time and did it cause he was feeling homesick and was like I know how these guys feel so I'm gonna help. Giving trademark Jonathan "gonna do it but gonna do it shaking like a wet dog" Sims

He's a skinny brown guy who's kinda quiet, supremely awkward and makes dorky jokes

I asked him if he would still love me if I were a worm and he deadass said only if you went to worm Cambridge. Tell me that's not a Jonathan Sims thing to say.

He's probably autistic (he won't talk to you unless you mention something specific and then you can't stop him talking about the geopolitical situation of Bangladesh)

He's so emotionally constipated. My dude has never heard of emotions ever. He once gave me the advice that the way to deal with negative emotions about our shitty situation is to just compare it to poor peoples' lives in Bangladesh and thank god we don't have it that bad. I think he's allergic to therapy.

He's always in some sort of pain. God hates him personally.

He's the most anxious man I've ever met in my life. I think he lies awake at night just planning how he's gonna get through the next day. Like all he does is overthink and eat his own curated mixed nuts snack

He indulges in a funny cat video once or twice

He hates dogs (growing up in Bangladesh will do that to you but also he's not good with the barking)

Saying that, has bonded with one crusty white dog, who he immediately picked up although i don't think he meant to do that, so we get a situation of quite a tall man holding a small dog but both of them looking Absolutely Terrified.

He's such a baby fiend. I've never seen someone so hell bent on being a grandfather. We went to a family party with him once and not even 5 minutes in, we found him holding a baby. I'm taking @lonelyslutavatar 's baby fever Jon as canon btw.

He's constantly in business casual. He'll be in bed wearing slacks. It's not cause he's fashionable but in fact only because those are pretty much the same clothes he's owned since 2005 and the only clothes he owns.

Nobody is quite sure what he does for a living. Like sure we know his job title (I had to look it up on LinkedIn) but his day to day activities? A mystery. Who actually knows what being a Head Archivist entails? Not me.

I rest my case. For now.

[thesrctsoftheuniverse]

finished season 4 last night and i once again have thought i would like to write down!!!

this time written on my phone bc im on holiday and havent gotten the wifi password for my laptop yet so bare with me

- may grant!!! I love that she got a bigger role this season. she’s so great and seeing her grow and learn the same way maddie had to learn was so beautiful to watch. her relationship to her mother is complicated but beautiful and i love that athena learns to accept that may is her own person. I hope we see more of her in season 5 and i hope we see more of athena and may together as well. her listening to her mom’s phonecall to 911…. I cried

-speaking of smaller characters getting bigger roles: josh!!! i LOVED what was basically a “josh begins” episode, he ATEEEEEE that one call where he had to direct several groups of LAPD officers around.

-bobby this season made me fear for a relapse. im so glad that he didnt relapse but im scared for him and worried. I hope he and athena can talk more and tbh i would love to see him open up again to the season 1 trio. chim, hen and buck helped him get sober after his relapse, i want to see them bond and vent together!!! the episode where he and michael played detectives LMFAOO

- i think ive mostly mentioned what i loved about athena this season in previous paragraphs, her relationship with may and her relationship with bobby. i absolutely LOVE how hard she went for that missing her, i loved her rescuing bobby from that sniper. there were some excellent scenes. i love her and hen together, my bestieesssssss!!!! i do wish to see her and bobby in more vulnerable scenes together, the fight and then aftermath of it was beautiful

-hen my love. what a rollercoaster. first of all i love her mom!!! she’s so fun and clearly trying to fix whatever went wrong between them. hen at med school is sosoosososo cool and i love her med school friends. she’s so cool being in med school even with everything else. I love seeing the main cast’s friends OUTSIDE of work, it adds so much to the characters . her and karen truly are so fucking important to me. the foster daughter arc with nia was so beautiful and heartbreaking. like im sorry you KNEW this could happen. but i love that they’re open to new placements even with the pain. and denny being involved!! and being scared of being taken away!!! Pls im gonna cry, the exact fear karen has

-chimney at the beginning of the season pissed me tf off. but then he was there for maddie in person and they were amazing!! girl dad chimney!! i love him, he loves his kid so much pleaseeeeee… and him telling the people who raised him how imporant they are to him. i love his character idk guys, hes just so wonderful to me. even if he clearly didnt see the signs of maddies post partum depression

- albert literally almost dying while his niece was being brought into the world was so fucking stressful jesus christ. i love him and i love his friendship with buck. uncle besties 4 life!!!

- maddie i love you so much. she was so beautiful this season, she deserves the world. she was so ready to be a mom but then post partum depression hit :( i hope she gets better, im glad she asked for help. her and buck’s storyline this season… the secret brother… for fucks sake how shocking and how HEAVY of a burden that must be to carry for so long. I love her so much.

- buck this season going to therapy…. Damn dont get too mentally stable or else they won’t know what to do with you anymore hahahaah!! nvm watch your loveofyourlife bestie get shot in front of you, have to crawl under a truck even with your trauma to save him and then literally try to keep him alive until the hospital only to then have to tell his son what is happening. heres moreeeee traumaaaaaaaa woooohooooo!!! ngl i liked him and taylor kelly this season, i kinda wish they would remain friends but i can deal with her as a love interest for now. shes an interesting character! his whole world being turned upside down when he was just starting to get better from the therapy by her sister admitting to them having a brother and him being born for spare parts. love you king, sorry you never get to be fully happy with yourself!

- eddie diaz you absolute cutie pie. will you ever be happy? Idk but you sure were bitchy this season. i fucking LOVED it, please tell me we get your bitchy ass back for season 5. him in the jinx episode??? I laughed so hard, truly an icon. I love ana flores but that man simply doesnt know what to do with a woman like her. oranywomanforthatmatter. him and chris is always beautiful, that is MY family. he loves that kid so muchz and him putting buck in the will?? hand in marriage next…. I knew what was coming from spoilers online but him being shot and the scenes after that of buck getting him inside the truck were so fucking nerve racking and also FUN!! what a moment.

-carla is back for 2 seconds and already spitting facts LMFAO

-the jinx episode was so fun and sossoossoso good pls more of it and more of ravi as well

-the treasure hunt episode was so good too!! I love episodes where they all get a bit silly

-the dam breaking and mudslide disaster was really good, especially with may being freshly at 911 dispatch and her MOM being stuck in a house that crashed down the hill. nothing tops the tsunami tho

- i want more buck and diaz scenes. and by diaz i mean chris.

thats all i can think fo rn my brain is tired i love travelling but it makes me so tired

[prozac-shaped-urn]

Good god. When will I ever hear the words “That’s valid” in response to me saying I find a man attractive without wanting to fuck him instead of “Okay but maybe you’re bi”? Even my therapist went, “So you’re not a lesbian, you’re queer.” Like NO BITCH I AM A LESBIAN! I’m a fucking DYKE. I’m not bisexual. I do not want anything to do with a penis. Being biSEXual would require me wanting something to do with a penis. That’s a hard pass. Get over it.

Why can’t anyone just fucking validate me having a type and finding that type attractive indiscriminately regardless of gender or sex? It has nothing to do with genitals. And yeah sure the horrible, uncomfortable, weird and traumatic experiences I had with guys might have colored my attraction HOWEVER!!!!! HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THE FACT I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO DICK MIGHT BE THE REASON?????????

Like I get why she was trying to wear me down with the whole “Maybe. Maybe. Mmmmaybe you’re bi” shit but fuck’s sake. Fuck’s fucking sake. Wearing someone down when they’re trying to explain something very simple just doesn’t make sense. LISTEN. IT IS YOUR JOB TO LISTEN. AND NOT JUDGE. AND NOT NEGATE. Thinking that if she wears me down into reconsidering my sexuality in the wake of me explaining why I find Kerry attractive she’ll uncover some deep grave of shame and embarrassment for something I cannot control is absolutely valid in most cases, but not mine. I’ve done the work on this. I got to know myself very well because of my constant questioning and trying to find the answer to why I was fighting so hard to convince myself that I wanted dick. It’s connected to my upbringing and the safety net of assumed bisexuality I created for myself so I wouldn’t be completely ostracized from the community I grew up in. If there’s a shred of embarrassment and shame connected to my sexuality IT’S FROM THAT OKAY?????? Jesus fucking Christ.

I’m so heated over this. I’ve gone down this road before trying to figure myself out in my 20s. I figured it out. It makes sense now. I don’t question shit anymore. I need someone to listENNNN and accept this thing that I know about myself without trying to make me unsteady in my identity.

I feel gaslit. I’m so mad.

And the thing is I TOLD HER GOING INTO THIS CONVERSATION THAT THE ONLY RESPONSE I GET IS EXACTLY THE RESPONSE SHE GAVE ME!!!!!

Why? Why. Whyyyy. What the fuck is the point of therapy if I can’t explain myself without feeling judged? ISN’T THAT WHAT IT’S FOR????????

I mean we ended the session on the same page and she did eventually agree that I can find a dude attractive without being attracted TO HIM, but not without me repeating “But I’m not though. 😊Iiiiii don’t think I ammmm. 😑 Dick is not something I want. It’s an instant turn off ☹️” about 20 times.

“But what if the penis was attached to a person you were in love with?” Then I would be happy to have them in my life without fucking them. Also I’m nowhere near close to falling in love with anyone so slow down.

“What if Kerry hits on you?” Then I’ll decline politely and offer to be buddies.

“Why do you think you’re a lesbian?” Because I do not have a single fantasy that involves a penis.

“What does your sexuality have to do with your identity?” Jack shit. Next question.

“Like, it’s a spectrum, right? People can be anything on the spectrum.” Yes but I’m not anything but a lesbian.

“And who is anyone to say differently? Like who are you to say I’m something I’m not?” Yes exactly. Just like you did just now with the “Mmmmaybe you’re bi” shit.

She’s a hard ass which is exactly what I need because I’m also a hard ass, but good lord. Just shut up and accept what I’m telling you without gaslighting me.

And maybe I should’ve phrased it differently. Maybe I should’ve just flat out said, “This is the response I do not want you to give me. Give me an affirmative statement instead of a questioning one or don’t respond at all.” But where would that get me? Nowhere but her asking me why I’m defensive about someone making me question something about myself that I’ve figured out a decade prior? BECAUSE I FIGURED IT OUT LIZ THAT’S WHY!!!!! It’s offensive to me that I cannot state something very simple without feeling like I need to be ashamed of what I’m explaining and therefore be ~open~ to the possibility that I’m something I’m not. I’ve been open to it. I was open to it for a solid 27 years. It’s not who I am.

And now I feel like shit because I’ve had to defend myself to the person who isn’t supposed to make me feel defensive. Terrible, terrible, terrible job today Liz. Absolute garbage.

Aight imma go get bread and talk to Lynn about our project. I need some good news. And then I have rehearsal at 6 so I’ll be distracted from this bullshit, thank god.

[the8thsphynx]

SPHYNX I stalk you on Twitter too and I saw your post about how a lot of River is based on Kotetsu and I got compelled to ask you: what do you think it would be like if your Fate OCs were in the Tiger & Bunny universe?? How chaotic or how well do you think they'd work??

Hello

And oh jesus christ, this is the perfect question to trap me.

(long-ish post ahead)

You know, it's kind of funny. With them being mages and Heroic Spirits, I wouldn't be surprised if most people in Tiger and Bunny verse would just assume they're NEXTs. So they'd probably blend in well, but--

-River

Instant uncanny valley with Kotetsu and them being basically the same person (bc again, I based the guy off him.)

''And where did this other dog come from? Who is he???'

BUT, they click and become friends with no hesitation.

Also relating with the 'being in love with a long haired, tragic twunk with pretty green eyes'.

Also becomes bros with Antonio, resulting in the Kotetsu-Antonio-River three-way bromance of alcohol and partying and non-toxic masculinity.

-Alt Alcides

Don't do that to Barnaby. Don't do that to Ryan. Don't to that to Keith. Don't put them in danger like that.

Maybe good for Ivan, Karina, Lara, and Pao Lin? Second Mom Figure.

It's Fucking Heracles™. The Hero of Heroes. The Champion of Legend. This is her Department. She invented the job.

'Oh wow, you have a dead spouse TOO? Wow that's so crazyyyyy.'

She's Going to Bully Everyone, Oh God Get Her Out of Here it'd be funny af tho, specifically she's going to upstage everyone in ways that are gonna land everyone a bonus therapy session.

Alcides thinks she's being friendly and sisterly, but actually she's lowering everyone's self-esteem exponentially.

-Brier

No.

Would live to torment Yuri. Would find out he's Lunatic in like two seconds and exploit it.

'Hey girl, I got a ticket for doing 70 in the city for the work you fucked up on, and I need you to get me out of it, thanks bestiiiieeeee~'

Actually, because she's unhinged, she would just devote herself to finding the secret identities of everyone and would probably get it all in like one day. Because she hates not being to know anything, even if it's not her business... You know... assassin, and all that.

She's gonna Target Steal everyone. And be very annoying about it. Get her OUT.

...Actually if EMIYA is there then everyone stands a chance. Maybe. Let's put EMIYA in there for everyone's sake.

-Fakkir

The only people she has any capacity to tolerate is Nathan and Yuri.

Finds out Yuri is Lunatic (courtesy of Brier) and has mad respect for him, just wishes his vetting system was a bit more fine tuned and that he wasn't going out of his way and wasting time to obstruct the heroes.

'I'm uncomfortable with how much the bull guy reminds me of my husband. Get him away from me.'

-Adam

LOVES Antonio because of the fact that he reminds him of his dad.

Actually loves all of the heroes. Much to Fakkir's chagrin he even wants to join the Hero Academy, but his 'powers' (magecraft) is so niche in terms of superheroes that he'd have a rough time in most situations like Ivan.

He'll sneak off and get involved with the Heroes' missions, which ends up putting him in a lot of trouble, but he loves the adventure.

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

4.11.24 Thursday

1:07 am

I still have windblow... I feel bitter... I hate people who interfere and suddenly make or give a negative comment on me without knowing the behind story of everything...

I feel fat, old and ugly... I can't get success....I still wanna end up with pretty coz exes were pretty... I wanna get some beauty therapy coz I want a barbie looking guy now... I also want to be presentable but I'm trap and stuck here...

I want a higher intellectual pretty man... I wanna get a nose perfection and breast implants...I want a mature man who can truly accept me... I want my timeline coz I also want to have 1 pretty baby.

My type these days is Pilot Garret a barbie looking guy..

But Mark is an old friend and xbf, hmm... I'm doubting I know he is just nearby but why not approaching me?

It's been a long time Mark....

1:18 pm

I really feel fat,old and ugly just for nothing... I don't wanna grow old and die not having a breast implants.... It is unfair to die this way.... I feel trap here... Nose perfection as well... I feel bitter... I wanna be a Queen if I can be a Queen.... But that fucking unfair church of christ, some of them are bad people, they just smashed me!

I'm dying now but trying to revive my butt that was bitten by bugs and some blemish due to hot weather....I feel bullshit!!!

I feel so conscious angels... How will a Barbie looking guy will like me, if I'm not fixing myself...

1:32 am

I feel ugly and copied by some people who took my position... I really feel bad for 17 years... Unfair! They always stole things that are mine...

9:35 am

I wanna see Mark and be in Pampanga and please let's go to USA....I feel self-pity here... Wanna get nose perfection in Los Angeles.... I'm trap here for nothing... In here I wannna see Mark... They took away my 17 years, they took away my life... I wanna see my surgeon Uncle in Los Angeles...

On youtube I really like the barbie looking Pilot Garret.

I can't go back to my X in Kalibo coz they owed me big and it was a past that I didn't say anything wrong.... But I heard a negative comment coming from them....

Mark was really an old friend and I have to see him even Mitch... Wala ng mangyayari Mark, appear in-front of me....I hate being ugly and flatten without a fight!

I have windblow... Even Mark if married he needs to leave that woman for what he did to me these 17 years and he owed me....I need a friend, I need a lift and they all owed me! I don't wanna make friends on bisayas or any cavitenyas who took my position for 17 years! I'm not gonna be a friend of unfair bisakolish who made a scene without me for that long 17 years....

Mitch please kick them away from me....Though,Mitch for sure did something without me knowing,like a "simple battery" on me??? For old time sake please defend me....

I feel bitter, I have no scene angels! I wanted to be a hollywood artist it is a dream if not....I wanted to be one of the most beautiful woman in the world.....Bring me to USA Mark, please....I feel self-pity...I just wanna have a better life away from here, definitely away from here!!!

10:31 am

Thank God! Go Tyme I earned a point, I can load again a data...

My advil are gone here....Someone took my advil capsules...It is for my headache!!!

10:40 am

I bought advil in Alfa Mart in Moa as in one pack, I put it here in my medicine pouch....Only 3 left.

11:14 am

Slurpee time!!! Summer already! Grab a Slurpee!!

11:20 am

Whenever it is too hot, I'm having headache even nana...

11:54 am

I feel bitter....I miss being in the center... I wanna leave Cavite... It is painful they just made me their supporter for 17 years...

How I wish Mark can lift me up??? I want to be in the Magazine? That says one of the most beautiful woman in the world and the most witty woman you can ever have...

12:02 noon

Tigilan ako ng tanda na dj dyan... Stop controlling my life that you can't even give help....Even the other DJ's.

I wanna leave Cavite... They just made me their supporter....Even Church of Christ I don't like them they wanted me to be their supporter!!! They just want tall people! I hate Church Of Christ!!!

I want a nose perfection, where is Mark? I wanna leave Cavite...

Where is Mac2x please fix the ac!!!

12:37 noon

What? Who is crew? The crew must be only wearing "black t-shirt" and no cuteness if I'm the artist!

I feel jealous of my crew....Do I have a crew? Who is the baby here, them???

Am I the baby? Why they are cuter than me???

If I have crew...The first rule there is no cuteness on them coz they covered me in the society...

I must be the first only visible if I have a crew there that they are declairing themselves that they are my crew!

All black hair and no blonde hair but only me the artist!!! No color but black if they are my crew!!!

I want my cute stuff back!

12:58 noon

I want my nose perfection...

Are you scared my crew to be ugly???

Get me a film first or first interview on TV then they can blonde their hair. But now, they need to go back on black hair and black shirt!

For women no make-up only lip tint and eyebrows! A dub of concealer if need be... no full make-up!!!

If I get my 2nd interview on TV,I must be famous on that interview campaign to watch me then the crew can do something about their skin...

But for now they shouldn't be cuter than me...

1:10 pm

Borgy should pay me an all channel face lock meaning there will be time that only my face will appear in all channels!!!

1:18 pm

The traitor will get a punishment an eye for an eye....A nose for a nose...

If I can't get this Mark save me from here....I wanna leave Cavite! Save me and you owe me... For old time sake...

I feel bitter, I just feel ugly here in Cavite!!!

1:37 pm

I wanna travel.... I wanna travel Mark and get some nose perfection.

3:48 pm

I still have windblow... Still, on "True Blood".... On Season 2 there is a "shape shifter"... I wanna acquire that power, on animal hmm....I wanna be a Lion coz it represent as Queen. Is that possible to get that kind of power??? Or be invisible?

On Season 2 McDonuld is a suicide bomber that his agenda is to kill all the vampires/ star who are blending with humans in the party.

4:05 pm

Hmm...

4:29 pm

Halo2x It is super hot...

8:46 pm

I still have windblow... My heart was broken by Pilot Garret... Next I want this Chef Cedrick Lorenzen that I also saw on youtube...

I asked him can you make me my diet food??? I feel bullshit...I want to leave Cavite.

[qllie]

therapists who complain about their clients online i am giving you the side eye...

like even if you're not using real names. what are you doing????? like "omg this idiot who trusted me with their personal struggles and who it is literally my job to help sucks man isn't that funny." like i actually do not care even if your client is the suckiest person in the world you still suck.

i saw a post where someone did that and it was weird because all the reblogs were positive? like did no one question "why the FUCK is a therapist sharing this?" like it's not yours to fucking share bro!!!!! i wanted to reblog and be mean but tbh i don't really want to start a fight. so.

like i googled for five seconds to see if it's legally fine and it seems to be? but the cases it mentions is like "mentioning to another client (without personally identifying details) for the sake for example or whatever" not like "sharing to your tumblr followers for the sake of clout." so i think it's still not very ethical even if it's allowed. because your job is to establish trust with your client in order to help them somehow. and you're talking advantage of that to gain INTERNET CLOUT by MAKING FUN OF THEM.

like imo the only time a therapist should share your info is:

colleague/supervisor for the sake of. work/advice or whatever idk

their own therapist (i assume this is allowed)

other clients for purpose mentioned previously (without identifying details/extreme close detail/not someone they know)

the typical stipulations like harm to self/others

like if i knew my therapist was whining about me online i would Stop Going

https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2023/03/10/tiktok-therapists-consent-forms-social-media-anonymity-identity/

this article is interesting. i read it yesterday. it's really funny because the tiktok therapists are like "tee hee i love to help people. and we have consent forms" and the other people are like "i dont think signing one form in a collection of shit you don't read should allow your therapist to turn your trauma into tiktok content forever" and "this isn't about 'helping people' its about clout"

my favorite line from the article: "'If a physician on TikTok is having patients sign off to be content, they should consider leaving medicine and becoming a social media influencer instead,' said Dominic Sisti, an associate professor of medical ethics and health policy at the University of Pennsylvania." like so fucking true actually if you want to get tiktok famous be a tiktok star not a fucking therapist!!!!!!!!

therapists/nurses being fired/losing clients for being idiots online love to see it!!!!!!!! too bad the tumblr guy has no name or face on their account... or i would report them...

idk it seems like just taking advantage of the vulnerable people that you're PAID TO HELP. especially the guy i saw who was like "wow my client is so dumb isn't it hilarious???" like no you're not supposed to be making fun of them online you're supposed to be idk GIVING THEM THERAPY? like i'm not saying "oh therapists can't dislike their clients or think they're frustrating" but what i am saying is that they SHOULD NOT COMPLAIN ON A PUBLIC FORUM ABOUT THEM WHILST USING SPECIFIC DETAILS ABOUT THEM. like this is a person!!!!! not a funny story!!!! jesus christ!!!!!!

also like the blatant disdain for their client makes it seem like. they wouldn't actually be good at helping them? like there's a difference between like "i don't like this person as a person/i wouldn't want to interact with them in a differeent setting" and "this person is ridiculous and stupid and i want to make fun of them online"

pretty scary how petty middle school bullies can grow up to be nurses and therapists....

[alienkidyeetwo]

Me: Alright, are you all set?

Alien: I am, and it was an amazing experience to meet you. No matter how long the universe has waited, you were a magnum opus.

Me: Thank you, I'll never forget you…

A: And so will I..

*The engine roars up as I give one final hug to No'me. The last few years felt like a gift.*

Me: Godspeed you crazy animal…

*A few hours pass*

My dad: Who the hell left this note?!

Me: Norman did, he told me to put it there.

My dad: Oh really, are you lying to me?

Me: No. I am 100% giving you the truth, now please read it. He wanted you to do it.

My dad: Oh really, like I'd listen to a guy that spied on my daughter for 3 years! You’re not afraid to talk to me, and if that guy ever comes back, I know what to do.

Me: Dad. You don’t get it, he made me feel safe with who I am. And I'm not just your daughter, I'm also your son and legal responsibility, I'm not just one thing…

My dad: You’re my daughter to me.

Me: Just read the goddamn letter. He wanted you to do it.

My dad: Ok fine, after that you're going to bed early.

Hello Mr. _________, If you are reading this, then I have left your yard to go back home. Your child was a great person to be with, and I know why. They just needed a friend throughout the grieving process for their mother and your wife, they wished for a miracle day in and day out, even when you put them through therapy. They even helped me try to impress someone I had feelings for, and I helped in return by giving them some time to vent out what is happening, even getting in a few notes from them. But, this letter is also a letter of the truth, a confession more or less. The truth is that I observed them not for a psychology major (I already passed college at the top of my class), but for my understanding of humanity and it’s barbaric tendencies. For that part, it is my highest honor as a N.O.S.A.V scout to tell you that all of my files on them will be top secret (other than the sleepy hollow incident that prompted me to write this letter), and it’ll be the highest honor for me to tell my secret. They have known this for a long time, but I am not human. I never originated here, nor was that my true appearance that I created as a disguise in order to blend in with your kind. But, if you ever tell anybody (even when drunk), you’ll be shot with a nerf gun by your child. And it’ll be a matter of time for a reassignment for one of your other family members, it is inevitable for that to happen, and you won’t be able to stop it from happening. Just make sure to take care of them like I did (and don’t misinterpret that)- Norman/No'me

My dad: You didn’t tell me this for 3 YEARS!! HE COULD'VE GOT US A NEW HOUSE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!

Me: I didn’t tell because he was my friend, not someone to give away for money. Besides, area 51 is a hellhole for anyone off-world I presume. I hope he’s okay up there.

*Meanwhile*

A: Sir, I'll be there in a few. It may take a while.

*A missile flies past the ship*

A: Nevermind, it may take a few days for me to return. I promise I won’t be gone for long.

BANG!

A: I promise.

*Transmission runs out*

A: Great, now I'll have to deal with this hellhole. Area 51, I shall find a way to escape…. For them.

End of part 1

Thank you for reading, see you in part 11

[karmic-vibes]

If I Can Dream

18 - Troubled With Pain

cw: marital dispute, mentions of cheating, allusions to possible SA, minors dni !!! nsfw content (name calling (slut), brief mentions of pegging, dacryphilia, allusions to dubcon, hate-sex, make up-sex, afab anatomy used for fingering/oral/unprotected piv sex)

Year: 1993

“So, what brings you two in here today?” Dr. McCormick beamed.

Steve and Eddie were sat on opposite sides of her couch, hesitant to look at one another.

“Boys, this will only work if you communicate with not only each other, but also me. So, come on, fill me in. What’s the 411?”

“I fucked up,” Steve rushed out.

“How, dear?”

“I got too drunk and did some things with an old fling. I pushed it down for years and it recently resurfaced.”

“And let me guess, your husband just found out about it, which is why you two are now in my office?”

“Bingo…”

“Okay, before I really delve into this, what have you two tried at home?”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked.

“To try and resolve tensions. Most people don’t jump right to therapy.”

“Well…”

“God, Eddie, please,” Steve cried out. His face was shoved into their mattress, tears streaming down him face, begging his husband for mercy. “Eddie, please, please, please!”

“You are gonna take my fucking cock and you’re gonna like it, got it, big boy? You wanna be a slut, then you’re gonna take me like a slut,” Eddie panted through his teeth. He grabbed a fistful of Steve’s hair and yanked him up, making him whimper. “Are we clear?”

“Yes!” Steve cried out. “God, Eddie!”

Steve and Eddie looked to each other, with Eddie blushing up to his ears. He bit the insides of his cheeks and went back to staring out the window.

“We’ve tried listening to music and dancing around the house with our daughter,” Steve cleared his throat. “You know, try to bring us back to when we were younger.”

“Mhmm, what else?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Is that the only thing you guys have tried?”

“I mean…”

“For fuck’s sake, I rail him until he cries,” Eddie finally blurted out. “We’ve been hate-fucking, okay? I first suggested it to hopefully get some of my anger out, but it’s not doing anything, so here we are.”

“Okay, then…”

“No need to be so modest Steve, Jesus,” Eddie huffed.

“And this ‘hate-fucking’ is consensual between the two of you?” The two nodded. “Words, boys.”

“Yes,” they simultaneously said.

“Okay. Whose idea was it?”

“Mine,” Eddie said.

“And, Eddie, what did you initially hope the gain from it?”

“Jesus, um… I don’t know.” Steve scoffed. “Jesus Christ, what’s your problem, Steven?”

“You know exactly what you wanted to get from it.”

“Since when are you in my head, huh?”

“Look who’s being modest now,” he growled.

“Boys!” Dr. McCormick boomed. “Steve, why do you think Eddie started doing this after he found out?”

“Well, for starters, he was angry, and I can’t blame him—I’d be livid too. He wanted to get some control and passion back into the relationship, so naturally, this is what he resorted to.”

“Eddie, any thoughts?”

“No, annoyingly, he’s right on the money.”

“Okay, I can deal without the attitude, Harrington.”

“You are in no place to be talking right now, Steven.”

“Boys,” Dr. McCormick warned. “Eddie, why were you trying to get passion back?”

“Because he doesn’t sleep with me, and when he does, it’s over so quick and I get nothing out of it.”

“When was the last time you two were actually intimate? No child, no distractions, no hate, and no worries. Just endless time to kill to love and pleasure each other?”

“Before Bobby was even conceived,” Eddie scoffed.

“And how old is he?”

“Oh, she,” Steve politely corrected.

“Apologies. How old is she?”

“She’ll be five next month.”

“So you two haven’t had a proper intimate night in nearly six years?”

“Sounds about right,” Eddie mumbled.

“Okay, so your first assignment is to go back to your roots. Find the little things that made you fall in love with each other. Have a proper evening without Bobby. Go out to dinner, make a mixtape of all your favorite songs, and have sex like it’s your first time all over again. Okay? Start back at the basics. Can you boys do that?”

“We can try,” Steve said.

“There is no try, only do,” Eddie muttered.

“God, you’re such a nerd,” Steve teased, smiling faintly.

While he’d never admit it, Eddie started smiling too.

Later in the week, the two managed to get Pattie to watch Bobby for the night at her own apartment. She insisted that she could watch her as long as she needed so the two could have a proper date night. And with that, the boys were off to save their marriage.

Steve was in charge of planning dinner while Eddie was in charge of the mixtape. Of course, there were minor details and surprises in between that they’d share along the way.

When Steve got out of work, he pulled up to their house and knocked on the door until Eddie answered. As Eddie swung open the door, tears were brought to his eyes—Steve was in a suit nearly identical to the one he wore on their first date. He held a clear box in his hand, containing a boutonnière that mirrored Eddie’s first corsage.

“Steve…” Eddie whispered. “I love it.”

“Do you? It’s not too much?”

“No, not at all,” he sniffed. “Now I feel underdressed.”

“You look great,” Steve insisted. “Shall we?”

“We shall.”

The couple headed to the car, with Steve insisting on carrying Eddie to the passenger side. Once they were on their way to the restaurant, Eddie popped in the mixtape he made for their evening and, much to his dismay, it opened with ABBA.

“Eds, you didn’t need to put this on,” Steve tutted his tongue.

“Well, I love you, stupid, so I had to put something you like on here.”

“After all this shit, you still love me?”

“Unfortunately.”

“I love you too.”

“I know you do.”

“You do know that I’m sorry, right? I know I’ve said it a million times, but I mean it every single time. Eds, I would give anything to take that night back.”

“I know,” he sighed, resting his hand on Steve’s thigh.

“It was a stupid, drunk mistake.”

“I know… and I know, with that being said, it wasn’t entirely your fault. He took advantage. I just don’t think I knew where to direct my anger.”

“But it was still partly my fault.”

“But not as much as either of us are chalking it up to be. Okay? I’m more angry that you hid it from me for so long.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. You were pretty far along in your pregnancy, and we just got married. It seemed like terrible timing regardless. I should’ve told you as soon as it happened, but last thing I wanted was something happening to Bobby. I could’ve handled any backlash that came from you, but if something happened to her? I don’t think I would’ve ever been able to forgive myself.”

“I know, honey, I know,” Eddie whispered. “Hey, Stevie?”

“Hmm?”

“I didn’t… I didn’t ever hurt you, did I?”

“I don’t know, did you?”

“No, I mean… when we were having sex. Did I ever hurt you? I-I was really, really angry and I wasn’t thinking about how it was affecting you. I mean, for fuck’s sake, I was railing you until you cried! Several times a night, for like a week!”

“I mean, it hurt at first, but–”

“Then why didn’t you say anything, Stevie?” Eddie’s voice was soft, with genuine concern for his husband.

“I don’t know, Eds, you were getting your anger out, and–”

“No… no and. Did I hurt you when you didn’t want to be hurt?” Eddie teared up. Steve let out a sigh and focused on the road. “Stevie…”

“In the beginning, yes.”

“I’m sorry, Stevie… I really am… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t mean to, honey. It’s okay. I don’t hold anything against you. Just call it even.”

“Stevie–”

“Adultery versus a sore asshole. Tit for tat,” he shrugged.

“I’m sorry…” Tears ran down Eddie’s cheeks.

“I know… it’s okay. I’m okay. I promise, it’s okay, Eds. I liked it near the end.”

“Really?” he sniffed.

“Yeah, you got better at it. I’m sure I was hurting girls similarly when I first started having sex. There’s a learning curve, y’know?” Eddie chuckled to himself, wiping his eyes.

“So, we’re okay?”

“More than okay, Eds. I promise.”

“I love you…”

“I love you too.”

“So, how often did you hurt Nance?” Eddie teased.

“Ugh, that poor girl. It’s a miracle she didn’t kill me. Not gonna lie, I’ve hate-fucked her a few times, and–”

“And she didn’t shoot your dick off? Christ, Harrington. That was ballsy of you.”

“I’m lucky we were able to procreate and I’m just gonna leave it at that.”

“God, you’re stupid.”

“And you’re pretty,” Steve smiled.

They pulled into the first open spot they saw at the restaurant and Steve escorted his husband inside. He opened his car door for him, offered up his coat, and led him in. They had a lovely dinner and were soon on their way home.

It was odd to come home together, to a house without a child. However, they made do with the awkwardness and headed to the living room to pop open a bottle of wine. Each of them had a few glasses before they were all over each other.

Steve pulled Eddie into his lap, hands gently resting on his hips as Eddie rested his on Steve’s cheeks. There was no anger to either of them. No resentment. Just love.

“I love you,” Steve mumbled between kisses. “I love you so fucking much.”

“God, I love you too, Stevie.”

Steve pushed Eddie’s hair aside and began gently kissing his neck. Eddie contently hummed as he rutted his hips into Steve’s. Steve cupped the swole of his husband’s ass and pulled him in closer, easing him into another heated kiss.

Steve grabbed onto Eddie’s legs and wrapped them around his waist, carrying him upstairs. He delicately set Eddie down on the bed and hovered over him, smiling fondly.

“What’re you starin’ at, Harrington?” Eddie panted.

“Nothing, just… you. Can I?” Steve asked, tugging at Eddie’s shirt.

“I dunno, can you?”

“There’s my husband,” Steve chuckled, quickly kissing him. “I’ve missed you.”

“Well? Can you take it off?”

“Pretty sure I can.”

“Then show me, c’mon, Harrington. Don’t leave a guy hangin’!”

The two undressed each other and before they knew it, they were in the same position as the first time they ever had sex. Eddie was splayed out on the bed, completely naked, while Steve was only in his boxers, pressing against his exposed spouse. He licked a few of his finger tips before teasing Eddie, slowly circling his clit and sinking two fingers into him.

A hushed moan escaped Eddie’s lips as he pulled Steve down for a kiss, moaning into his mouth. Steve held a steady, firm pace, playing with his clit as he worked Eddie open.

Without warning, Steve pulled back from their lustful kiss and kissed down Eddie’s body. He paid attention to every single inch of him, staying persistent with his fingers. As he worked his way down, he settled between Eddie’s legs, hooking his arms around his thighs to pull him closer. He slowly licked a stripe up from Eddie’s hole to his clit, making him cry out.

“Please, Steve,” Eddie whined, gripping the bedsheets. “Please, it’s been so long. Please, please!”

“I’ll take good care of you, baby, I promise,” Steve hummed into Eddie’s core.

The night continued as such—nothing but slow, passionate love. They took care of one another, assuring each of their needs were met. They hadn’t even known how much time had passed, and they were too blissed out to care.

“Stevie, please, please,” Eddie breathed as his body rocked with his husband’s thrusts.

Eddie’s legs were wrapped around Steve’s waist, trying to pull him in closer. Steve kept one hand rested on Eddie’s hip as the other rested on his mound, thumb pressing firm circles into his clit. Eddie’s back bowed off the bed as he felt himself creeping towards his second (possibly third, he was losing count) orgasm of the evening. He was rushing out Steve’s name, begging for release, with garbled gibberish sprinkled in between.

“God, you look– shit, Eds, fuck… squeezing me so tight,” Steve panted. “You look gorgeous under me, Harrington.”

Eddie’s eyes were screwed shut, humming in appreciation as his husband praised him.

“You take me so well, Eds, fuck. Come on, cum for me baby. Cum all over my cock.”

“God, Steve, please!”

“Please what, pretty boy?”

“Please make me cum!” he cried out. “Please, god, just like that, Stevie.”

The hot pool of passion was building up in Eddie’s stomach, releasing just moments later, with Steve not too far behind. Steve collapsed next to Eddie, who instinctively cuddled against his chest. Steve ran his fingers through Eddie’s hair as the two tried catching their breath.

“We need to pawn off the hell spawn more often,” Eddie panted.

“Absolutely we do, Christ,” Steve huffed. “I love you, Eds.”

“I love you too, Stevie.”

“We’re gonna be okay, right?” he asked, barely above a whisper.

“Yeah… I think we are.”

“You’re not still mad at me?”

“I still have a teeny, tiny bit of anger stored somewhere for you not telling me, but overall, no, I’m not mad.”

“Thank god.” Steve kissed Eddie’s sweaty forehead. “I hated being so distant from you. It felt wrong.”

“I know, big boy, I know.” Eddie smushed his face into Steve’s chest and sighed.

“So what time are we picking the spawn up tomorrow?”

“After a round of morning sex?”

“Maybe a few rounds?”

“Oh, I like the sound of that, Harrington.”

[teaspoonofdragons]

Just as Bad (Probably Worse)

Summary: "Well," Amitie struggles for a moment. "Maybe, uh, you could..."

Schezo, to his merit, waits patiently for her to finish before continuing to berate her.

"... Talk about it... To someone who... Won't listen?" She tries, shrinking a little under his gaze.

A late night attempt at kindness from Amitie leads to Schezo trying to get therapy without actually getting therapy. Unfortunately, Sig is not a very good therapist.

Characters: Schezo Wegey, Sig, Amitie, Klug, Raffina, Lidelle, Lemres, Feli (very briefly)

Warnings: Past kidnapping and murder, discussions of trauma, panic attacks, crying, swearing, and Schezo

Word count: 9117

"Have you ever tried being nice before?" Amitie scolds. She's not usually so snappy but this Schezo guy really gets on her nerves. He's gone after her hat, he's tried to take Sig's arm- his whole arm!! And now she's just trying to make small talk with one of Arle's friends because she likes Arle and Arle likes Schezo, for some reason, so maybe he's not all bad, but he's completely blowing her off! What a d-

"Yes, I have, thank you," Schezo sneers, pointedly not looking at her. He was doing just fine walking through the streets, alone, with nobody bothering him. That's why he went out at night, for Christ's sake! Because then no one would be around him! But apparently this girl decided it would be smart to approach a strange guy she only knows from the times he's wronged her and her friends by herself and start blabbering. And she has the audacity to be mad at him for not reciprocating? This is why he hates people.

Okay, well, it's one of hundreds of reasons why he hates people. But it's the one that's grating on his nerves right now, which makes it the sole reason at the moment.

Amitie crosses her arms with a huff. "Yeah, well, I'll see it when I believe it!" She pauses, noticing the look Schezo's giving her. "That's not the saying. But whatever! You get my point! I've never witnessed you do anything nice before, I don't think."

Schezo snorts. "That's because I have been taking great care to be as very un-nice as possible, thank you very much."

"Why?" Amitie asks, either ignorant or uncaring of the fact that her continuation of this conversation is annoying her impromptu walking partner further by the second. "It's not like it hurts to be nice, you know!" She hesitates, recalling Arle describing Schezo as a generally selfish person, and tacks on, "in fact, it usually pays off!" as an afterthought.

Schezo stops walking and Amitie gets the sudden, foreboding feeling that she's said something wrong.

He turns to look at her and raises an eyebrow. "Your name is Amitie, correct?"

"Uh, yeah! That's me!"

"Right. Tell me, Amitie, how many friends do you have?"

"Oh gosh," she starts, and she begins counting off, "well there's Lidelle, and Klug, and Raffina, and TaruTaru, and Sig, and Arle, and Ringo, and-"

"That's enough," he rolls his eyes, "I think the point's been made."

Amitie frowns. "What point?"

"Your name is very befitting of you," he responds. "You have... Quite the considerable collection of friends."

"Oh," she blinks. Maybe she didn't say anything wrong. He seems a lot more amicable towards small talk now. "Thank you!"

"I assume you probably got most of these friends- if not all of them- through this mantra of kindness you seem to so adore."

"I don't have any manta rays, and certainly not any named Kindness!" That sounds kind of cute though.

"Mantra," Schezo corrects, irritation seeping through his voice. "It's a phrase you repeat."

Amitie whispers an "ooooohhh."

"Well, yeah," she confirms. "How else do you get friends? I'm nice to them and they're nice to me back!"

A beat passes and she adds, "Well, most of them are nice to me back. But all of them mean well regardless!"

Schezo nods in a manner that one might consider thoughtful. "So you can claim with certainty that your kindness has, in turn, been returned with further kindness." He pauses. "... In most cases."

"Right!" Amitie nods, "you get it!"

"So, if say you were somewhere outside of school with the rest of your class, and you heard a voice you didn't recognize yelling your name, and nobody else seemed to hear it, would you try to find the source?"

"Obviously!" She huffs, not stopping to think about the specificity of the question. "What kind of person would I be to just ignore it? What if they need help? What if they're hurt!"

Schezo nods again. "Right. Of course."

Amitie, for a moment, thinks that maybe some progress has been made. An understanding! But Schezo steps closer to her, close enough that she has to crane her neck up uncomfortably in order to look him in the eye.

"You would make the same mistake now as I did back then."

"Eh??"

"I ask this question because I've experienced it. My line of thinking wasn't quite the same, but it was similar. What kind of person would I be, indeed," he scoffs. "And do you know where that got me?"

Amitie shakes her head, her eyes wide. This was not going where she thought it would when she started talking to him.

He leans over her, close enough that she feels the need to lean back in response. Once he feels she's appropriately discomforted by his blatant disregard for personal space, he hisses, "Kidnapped."

Amitie stops breathing. That was not something she was expecting to hear today, or any day. Schezo straightens himself up again, but Amitie remains rooted to the spot.

"And then," he continues, his voice a little too level and calm for anyone who'd known him to find it comforting, "when I got out, I was treated unkindly, because people could tell something was wrong with me. It didn't matter if I tried to be nice, I was broken. That doesn't seem fair, does it?"

Hesitantly, she shakes her head.

"So forgive me if I've decided that being kind is a mistake," he seethes, turning around to walk away, "but I refuse to make it again, so long as I can help it."

Amitie watches him storm off, his boots clanging loudly against the road, and then realizes that maaayyybe she shouldn't just leave it at that downer of a statement. She jogs to catch up with him, matching his pace as she does, and then realizes she has no idea what to say to a near stranger that just told her that at least part of the reason why he's such a jackass is because he was kidnapped.

"So, uhm,"

She wishes she could abort her sentence to start over with something a little more confident, but Schezo's already fixed her with a glare that makes it clear that's not an option.

"Do you... Have you... Ever talked? About that?" She inquires, but quickly corrects herself when he raises an eyebrow. "In detail, I mean! Like, like actually talked about it!"

Schezo laughs, but it sounds a lot like that kind of laugh Klug does sometimes when she's said something he plans on demeaning her for. "No! God, no, who would I even talk to?"

"Arle?" She suggests, but she's immediately shot down.

"No. Under no circumstances."

She opens her mouth to continue, but he cuts her off before she can. "Don't start suggesting people, I was being rhetorical. The point is that I don't want anyone to know what occurred there. Not now, not ever."

"But, but!" She stutters, "it might make you feel better!"

"Not if it involves burdening someone with what I've been through. They'll either pity me or judge me further. I would rather be judged on the actions I can control."

"Well," Amitie struggles for a moment. "Maybe, uh, you could..."

Schezo, to his merit, waits patiently for her to finish before continuing to berate her.

"... Talk about it... To someone who... Won't listen?" She tries, shrinking a little under his gaze.

He stares at her. She stares back him. Amitie comes to the realization that maybe the reason why Arle is friends with Schezo is because every conversation with him is this nerve-wracking and she's an adrenaline junkie.

"Talk about it to someone who won't listen," he repeats, slowly. Amitie swallows, then nods enthusiastically.

"Uh-huh! 'Cause then, then you could talk about something that's clearly a problem," he scowls at her but she remains undaunted, "but they still wouldn't know what happened to you because they weren't listening!"

There's a very awkward, prolonged silence in which he continues to stare at her for much longer than she'd like. She breaks eye contact first, directing her eyes literally anywhere else.

"No, yeah," he finally says, raising his voice to what's generally considered "normal Schezo volume.""Allow me to simply find someone who will not only let me talk to them, but will let me talk at them without getting nosey and listening to me anyways, whether purposefully or because that's simply the nature of humanity!" He scoffs and finally takes his eyes off of her and back to the road. "What am I meant to say? 'Hi, can I talk to you about something that's important to me, but also ask you not to listen to me while I do it?' I suppose I should find someone particularly spectacular at spacing out and.... And..."

He trails off, frowning at the road ahead of him. Amitie pipes up, "You know, frowning takes more muscles than smiling does!" She chuckles nervously, regretting her speaking up when he starts frowning harder and redirecting it at her.

"Why does smiling hurt more then?" He asks, and she furrows her brows at him.

"I! Don't know! I think that's a question for someone who, ah, actually knows things. Like Klug."

Ignoring the almost self deprecating statement that seems a little out of place for someone so cheery, Schezo compulsively grabs the hilt of his sword and taps his fingers along it with a contemplative "hm." Amitie eyes it warily, knowing well enough that that's rarely a good thing. A few seconds of tense (well, for one of them, anyhow) silence later and Schezo lets his hand drop to his side again.

"I've changed my mind. I've decided your idea is good."

"Eh??"

Amitie... Was not expecting that. Not just that she of all people had a good idea, but that Schezo of all people is the one who thinks so!

Though she's not quite sure what exactly her idea was.

"What, uh, smiling more?"

Aaaaand he's glaring at her again. So, not that, then.

"I'm going to find someone who won't listen to me," he clarifies.

"Oh!" Oh, that makes more sense. "That's great! Did you have someone in mind?"

"Yes."

He then fails to elaborate.

"... Do you want to tell me who it is?"

"No."

"Oh."

That was about the end of that conversation. Amitie leaves pretty soon after that, seeing as she's probably used up all of Schezo's conversational energy for the next 5 hours minimum. The man in question, meanwhile, continues his nighttime stroll, deep in thought. It certainly wasn't a foolproof plan he had, but then again most plans of his weren't.

It's hard to foolproof something when you yourself are a fool, apparently.

Still, it was his best shot at what Amitie had suggested. He and the girl are far from on good terms, but he'd be a liar if he said his memories didn't eat away at him constantly. They didn't used to, but lately he's been finding it harder and harder to get them out of his head.

He wishes Arle hadn't asked him why he learned Dark Magic.

Irrelevant. There's other things to be thinking about right now. Like how he's going to find the person he's going to corner, let alone find them alone, and secluded.

They've wandered into his home before, he recalls. Not purposefully, either. They just happened to be in the area. So, maybe they're around often?

Nodding to himself, Schezo decides that that's enough meandering and that it's about time he went back to his overglorified rock. He'd go looking for them come daylight. It should just be a matter of patrolling the perimeter of his own living space. Hopefully they're around tomorrow. Today? He squints at the moon.

Today.

Sig watches an arachnid climb over his fingers to reach his arm. It's a common banana spider, but it's pretty regardless, and they're friendly to boot. People tend to be startled of them because they're big, and also, spiders, but they're really nice, experience speaking for itself.

It stops to rest upon the crook of his elbow, then seems not to recall what it's destination was. Gently, he convinces it to get on his other hand so he can put it back down on the forest floor. He's so busy watching it leave that he doesn't hear anybody approaching him (rather intently, too) until they'd already taken a seat next to him and started talking.

"You know I've never tried dark chocolate until maybe four days ago."

Sig looks over beside him and if he weren't so lethargic he probably would've jumped at the sight.

"You'd think someone who bakes in their unlimited free time would have found some sooner, but it's simply eluded me," Schezo continues, as if it's the most natural thing in the world for him to be interacting so freely with Sig. "But it took Lemres offering me some for me to finally taste it. I'm a little disappointed that it's not chocolate made from dark magic, but it tastes fine."

"Why are you talking to me," Sig interrupts.

"At you," Schezo corrects. "I'm not requiring you to to listen. In fact you can tune me out if you'd like, but I'm going to be continuing talking in your general area."

"Why," Sig repeats.

"Because! If I engage with myself in an empty forest people tend to think I'm mad, and then they want to Puyo battle me because I'm mildly unnerving or whatever. I don't want a Puyo battle, I want to talk."

This gives the other boy pause. "About what?"

"Just to talk. Like I said, you can keep doing your little objects of admiration," Sig's eye twitches but he doesn't care enough to correct him, "I don't care and frankly you shouldn't either."

Anyone who knew anything about Schezo would know that he doesn't talk "just to talk." While he might seem like the kind of guy who likes the sound of his own voice on a surface level, he despises conversation and values silence. Sig, however, indeed has only a surface level of observation on Schezo and therefore sees nothing particularly suspicious about this statement.

All that said, Sig shrugs and continues staring at the ground wordlessly. Schezo takes this as permission to continue.

"Anyhow, so I've been thinking of ways to integrate the more bitter of chocolates into my baking in a way that isn't simply 'throw some chips in there' because that's dull and I'd prefer to find a more engaging way to-"

Sig's already tuned him out, his voice no more than a radio in the background to him. He squints at something under a small leaf pile and shifts them around as carefully as possible, as to not disturb it.

Bark beetle. Maybe the log Sig's sitting on is it's home.

"- but would dousing it in the stuff be too much? I've never baked with dark chocolate before, I wouldn't know-"

He picks the bark beetle up and watches it scuttle over his hands. He tries looking beside him to see if there's others he's somehow missed, but that doesn't seem to be the case. There are, however, a few holes. Hm.

"-14 I was on a field trip. I can't remember what for, I wasn't paying much attention and frankly it was probably only something to look forward to insofar as it meant we weren't in class-"

Sig leans a little closer to see if he can find anything in the holes. It's not quite the right season for larvae to be squirming about just yet, but there might be more bark beetles burrowing in them. It's a bit hard to see, though.

"-So now I'm wandering through a dungeon trying to memorize the spells I've been forced to figure out just to survive the damned thing so they won't slip my mind while I'm, I don't know, trying not to die-"

If he squints, maybe there's something wiggling? Doesn't seem to want to come out though. He leans back again to watch the one on his arm, which is making a slow trek to his shoulder. That's fine. That's a good spot for it.

"-And I had to fight a sword, not someone wielding a sword, no, that would simply make too much sense wouldn't it, I had to fight the sword itself and then when I won it was like-"

Schezo's sentence pauses and after a second Sig looks up. Schezo's rolled his sleeve up and seems to be staring rather intently at- oh. That would be a few of the aforementioned beetles Sig was trying to find. He gnaws at his lip, trying to decipher the expression on Schezo's face. Didn't he say he doesn't like bugs?

But Schezo maybe seems to not care so much for unnecessary violence against these ones because when he's done watching them he faces forward once more and continues.

"Anyways, right, sword, fought it, won,"

Sig meanwhile continues to watch the beetles on the other man's arm. They seem fine, and despite Schezo's claim he doesn't look like he intends to change that anytime soon. The thought crosses his mind that the mage may have been lying, but that seems like a silly thing to lie about. Maybe he just knows that they're beetles. People tend to be more okay with beetles.

"-alcohol is disgusting by the way, I want you to know that, I hated every second that I was forced to chug it down-"

Hm. Unintended side effect of watching the beetles on Schezo's arm- noticing things about Schezo's arm. Primarily the paled scars the bugs crawl over on their journey to, apparently, his elbow. He's littered with them. Jagged and clean, a few stopping abruptly, a largish one that looks like a burn that was healed through magic to the best of one's ability. The skin didn't follow conventional burn scarring, but the area of effect seemed too wide to be much else to Sig's knowledge.

"-I don't know if that's normal, actually. Maybe it's because none of the magic was really mine, or maybe I'm just really good at-"

Arle has scars too, but not quite to this degree. Is that why Schezo seems to cover every inch of his skin? Sig disregards this thought. He doesn't know the guy well enough to make assumptions like that. He focuses back on the beetles, which have begun towards Schezo's cape, with the exception of one trying to get into his hair.

"-And he was there, and he was all evil villainy, you know how that goes you've seen evil villains before, and-"

Sig looks down at his own beetle, making it's way down his shirt. It slips a little and he places his hand under it to ensure it doesn't fall. Bugs are sturdy when it comes to being dropped but he's sure they still don't like it. It takes this as a sign to crawl unto his palm once more, which just brings it back to the beginning. The circle of irony.

It takes 30 seconds for Sig to realize that Schezo has gone quiet again. He glances upward at him and sees that he's apparently forgone talking in favor of staring slightly slack jawed into space, expression unreadable. Though, the look in his eyes seems a bit vacant. Sig would know, he's seen himself in the mirror.

He opens his mouth to say Schezo's name, but the swordsman beats him to it.

"I don't remember killing him."

Sig's mouth clicks shut immediately.

"I mean, I remember I must have killed him, but I don't remember doing it."

His voice sounds as empty as his gaze is and Sig has to wonder for a moment if he got possessed mid-story.

"I know we fought. I don't remember much of that either, though. I just remember being, being scared, and angry, and-" he stutters for a moment, stuck on the word "and." His voice shakes and he gets louder, his teeth grinding in a way that's probably incredibly unhealthy. He stops himself in order to hit a hard reset on his sentence.

"And I remember standing over the body. The sword in it was mine. My hands were on the hilt." He swallows loud enough for Sig to hear. "And I remember the taste of bile, and, I think, I must've begun screaming because my throat was raw, and, and I was crying," like he was threatening to do now, the tears gathering at the corners of his eyes while his hands tremble.

He goes quiet again, and after a moment in which the only thing Sig could hear from him was his breathing rapidly picking up speed, he stands abruptly.

"I can't do this."

Sig blinks up at him. Schezo's not looking, though.

"I can't do this, this was a stupid idea, I shouldn't have- why would it-" he interrupts his own sentence with a snarl, and then he just leaves, walking away with several beetles still in his cape. Sig considers asking him to at least put them down, but given the speed he's walked off he opts instead for hoping he doesn't forget about them.

That was. Weird.

Schezo was clearly just recounting something he didn't want to, but how did he get there? Wasn't he talking about chocolate? Does Schezo have chocolate trauma?

That's dumb. There was probably something in between there. It's not like Sig was paying attention, after all, Schezo told him he didn't have to and even encouraged it. It leaves him with an uneasy feeling, but that's probably just because someone just started having an emotional breakdown next to him, so he can ignore it. Right. Yeah.

He should also probably ignore the question of "should I go after him?" Schezo's not his friend, it's none of his business and it certainly isn't his problem. What is his problem is the recently kidnapped beetles.

Ugh. At this rate, he might end up going after him anyways just to ensure the safety of the bugs.

Sig puts the bark beetle in his hand down on the log, then stands and brushes himself off. If he ever wants to catch up with Schezo he should probably start... Approximately now. He walks pretty fast, and if Sig so much as lightly jogs for longer than five seconds he feels like he'll have a heart attack.

So he follows at his more usual meandering sort of speed. Sig doesn't quite remember where Schezo's home is, it's not like he was paying attention, but it's probably somewhere around here. He can't imagine the guy'd travel all too far just to ramble to someone.

He gets lost a total of 4 different times before stopping under a beehive. One of the inhabitants lands upon his nose.

"Hey," he greets, crossing his eyes to look at the bee. "Have you seen any weirdos with like," shoot, what color is that guy's hair? White? Gray? Slightly-blue? "... Really pale hair?" Oh, that could also be Lemres. "... And a sword? And cape?" That should be enough.

The bee's wings twitch a moment and then it takes off, and Sig trusts it's judgement and goes after it. Unfortunately the recently burdened beast (not to be confused with a beast of burden) does need frequent breaks but Sig makes do and lets it land where it needs. He just needs to catch up eventually, it doesn't particularly matter when.

Unless Schezo decides to take his anger out on the unsuspecting beetles. That would be bad.

Eventually however, the bee stops and seems relatively pleased with itself, and when Sig looks up he sees why.

He's back at the log, except evidently he's not alone. Schezo appears to have made his return sometime while Sig was getting himself lost. On the bright side, judging by the way Schezo's held his hand out to the decaying wood and is muttering barely audible apologies, it looks like he did not, in fact, decide to kill the beetles out of malice. He runs a hand through his hair, pauses, and pulls another beetle out, gently dropping it with the rest of it's friends.

Okay. Well. Looks like that's over with. Sig can just turn around and forget about it. For real now. Alright. Cool.

... Or he could if the man weren't still actively crying. He's relatively quiet about it all things considered, but even from where Sig's standing out of sight he can hear his breath hitching. He watches him lean back and bury his face in his hands with a frustrated groan. Ah, there's the disturbance in quiet.

Sig is very, very good at ignoring things he perceives as not his problem, but even someone as emotionally dense as him can tell there's something wrong and now he feels like he'll probably be guilty about leaving if he doesn't make sure. Dismissing the bee that had kindly brought him back here, Sig takes his seat next to the curled up pile of clothing and armor in a reversal of roles.

"Are you okay."

The response is muffled by gloved hands, but it sounds close enough to "no," that Sig figures that's probably the answer.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Schezo's eyes peer through his fingers, and Sig can't tell if the man is scowling or if his face is all screwed up because he's crying. Schezo shifts to hide his face in his knees instead.

"No."

It comes out a lot clearer, this time.

"No, I just tried to talk about it and it didn't work. And that was without you listening."

Sig hums but says nothing further, instead opting for sitting next to the wizard in silence. He hasn't told him to leave, yet, and bluntness seems to be a shared trait of theirs so he probably would've said something if he wanted it. Maybe.

The silence stretches for a while and this is ironically perhaps the most comfortable Sig's ever felt around Schezo. Thinking about that it seems kind of cruel but the barbarian did try to cut off his arm once, even if he did go back on it in the end. That was still kind of a mortifying experience.

He hears him take a few breaths like he's changed his mind and is trying to say something and waits patiently for him.

"I just wish he was wrong."

Sig doesn't know who "he," is, but he gets the feeling he doesn't have to right now.

"But he wasn't. He said I was going to be just like him and look at me now."

He rubs the tears off of his face with the sleeve of his shirt. "Maybe I'm even worse. I've already done so much harm to so many people and yet there's some people who I can't... I just..."

He throws his arms upwards with a huff. "And who am I to make that call? What makes them worthy to live but all the others I've slain lambs to the slaughter? I've already committed atrocities, I'm already unforgivable, but I can't even be cruel right! I'm no good as a person, I'm no good as an avatar for darkness, what am I good for?"

He glances at Sig and winces at the mildly uncomfortable expression on his face. "You don't have to answer that, I don't expect you to. You don't know me."

Okay, cool. Sig relaxes considerably at that. Schezo meanwhile sighs and lets his limbs flop into an unorganized mess on the forest floor, along with the rest of him.

"I hate it here."

"Mhm."

"But I can't go home."

"Yeah."

"There's no home to come back to."

"Right," Sig nods, despite not actually knowing what that means.

"I'd probably hate it there just as much, anyways."

"Uh-huh."

"I hate everything."

"Yeah?"

"I'm so tired of it. I want to be able to enjoy things again. Sometimes I feel like I enjoy plundering magic at least but I know that's not really me. It's this stupid-" his fist hits the dirt with a solid thud, "-fucking," thud "-curse!" Thud. "It makes me feel like I need it or I'll, I'll perish or something! I know I won't but it makes me shaky and paranoid and it gives me a headache and I'm sick of it!"

"That kind of sounds like drug withdrawal," Sig drones, and he's rewarded with getting dirt half-heartedly thrown at him. It lands in his lap and he glances at it then back to Schezo, who's begun staring forlornly at the sky.

"Maybe it is," he sighs, resigned. He presses his palms into his eyes. "Great. Another thing I can thank him for. A drug addiction I didn't want."

"Most people don't want addictions, to my knowledge."

"Yes but they at least want the drug first! I didn't want dark magic, I needed it to survive!"

Sig hums. Guess there's kind of a difference there.

Schezo lets his hands drop. "I wish I were better. Morally, at magic, I dunno. I just want to be better than him."

Sig prods at him, gently, as to not startle him. "You said you bake?" He desperately hopes he heard that part of the "conversation" right because it was the only thing he thought he heard before completely zoning out.

Thankfully, Schezo nods, albeit a little confused by the topic change.

"Can I try some?"

Schezo blinks. "Now?"

Sig looks up at the sky and hums. "Yeah. It's still daylight out."

"I don't exactly have anything prepared. I'd have to make something."

"That's fine," Sig insists.

This time Schezo is most definitely scowling. "I'll make you help."

That one gives Sig pause. Is it really worth all this trouble comforting someone who he doesn't know, who tried to sever his arm once? The correct response should be "no," but lately he's found himself becoming the slightest bit more sympathetic, a change he blames Amitie for.

Well, blames isn't the right word, but he doesn't feel positively enough about it to thank her for it either. Like most things, he feels rather neutral on the fact. But it's hindering him right now.

"Okay," he ultimately concedes. "I'll help."

Schezo sighs, resigning himself to bringing the half-breed into his home. He doesn't have the energy for a Puyo battle over it, and for that point he's actually grateful he doesn't know Sig all that well. The last time he wasn't up for fighting anyone somebody threw a fit over it because that's not normal or something.

He gets up without saying anything, but he finds another thing to be grateful for in Sig; he doesn't have to. He seems to understand that Schezo's decided it's not worth arguing over and stands up as well, following suit (but not before waving goodbye to the bark beetles).

He is reminded of the fact that Schezo walks annoyingly fast when he finds his legs hurting just trying to keep up, and he seems to have no intentions of slowing down for him.

The entire trip there is completely silent. It turns out, putting two quiet people together results in them... Being quiet. Sig makes sure to keep Schezo to his right, uncomfortable with the thought of letting him anywhere near his red arm, but otherwise it's... Kind of nice not to be expected to participate in conversation. Amitie's pretty good about filling the space for both of them, but a lot of other people seem to think his input is necessary regardless of if he has any.

Schezo himself seems tense, his back straight and his eyes darting around wildly. They're still red, and they look like they're still wet too, but at the very least he's not actively crying now. Sig finds himself trying to classify the blue in his eyes habitually when he realizes after a moment that they're actually shifting shades. He thinks maybe his own eyes are playing tricks on him, but the longer he stares the more sure of it he is. Ice, cerulean, cobalt, is this a dark magic thing? Klug's eyes don't do that, Sig doesn't think, but then again Sig doesn't try to categorize greens so maybe it just slipped past him, as details tend to do. He tries to see if his pupils are doing it too, but it's difficult when they're practically pinpricks against his definitely changing irises and oh maybe the reason why he can see his eyes so well is because he's staring back at him.

Schezo raises an eyebrow. If Sig had the self-awareness to do so he'd be grateful he doesn't embarrass easy. As it stands he just averts his gaze elsewhere. He can still feel Schezo's eyes linger on him but thankfully it's around then that the cave Schezo inhabits comes into view.

The corner of Sig's mouth twitches almost imperceptibly downward. How does Schezo bake in a c-

There is a kitchen. What.

In spite of the crystals jutting every which way out of the walls, Schezo has managed to fit several kitchen appliances in the cave. Schezo himself does not acknowledge this, instead walking straight for some cabinets strewn haphazardly along the walls- did he put those there himself?- and throwing them open. He deliberates over whatever's in them for a second then nods to himself. He turns to Sig, crossing his arms very seriously.

"Cookies. Red velvet. Opinion."

Sig blinks in response. Schezo nods again.

"Fantastic."

With a dramatic twirl that flares his cape up behind him, he starts digging through the cabinet and throwing items on a table, lacking an actual countertop. He goes through a few different ones and some drawers until he has a veritable pile of ingredients and utensils strewn about.

"Now normally I'd only make one batch but I'm going to make us do two today."

"Why?"

"Because I go through these things like," he pauses, "well, like candy, frankly. I don't want to share my portion and if you don't like yours that means I actually get more."

Sig snorts. Of course, to whose benefit except for his.

"Have you ever baked cookies before?"

"No."

"Have you ever baked before?"

"No."

"Yeah," Schezo mumbles, "I figured as much." He leaves the kitchen for a moment and moves out of sight, returning with a notepad and pen, scribbling something down. Sig watches him passively until he rips the paper out and holds it up to him. Hesitantly, he accepts the paper and looks down at it.

Oh. It's like... The recipe.

"I may have guessed for some of it," Schezo admits. "I normally just eyeball the stuff but I can't trust you to do that if you've never baked before. If something looks wrong I'll catch it before it goes in the oven."

He glances to the side and mutters, "probably," as he approaches the table. He slides a couples of bowls towards Sig. "Well? Get going!"

Sig glances upwards at the pile of things and back to the list, wincing a little. He's regretting this already. He could just leave, but then he wouldn't get any cookies.

Actually, wait. If he did make the cookies with him, and ate them, he could tell Lemres that he ate confectionary offerings from Schezo the Dark Mage long before he willingly took any from the Comet Warlock. Sig smirks at the list, reaching for what he's pretty sure is a bag of flour. Yeah, that'd be funny.

Sig immediately runs into his first problem when he tilts the bag over and proceeds to pour out way too much flour, cascading into getting it flown into his face, resulting in him sneezing and getting it even more everywhere than it already was. Schezo sighs and puts the stick of butter he was warming in his hands back down, taking Sig's now slightly-sneezed-on bowl and frisbee tossing it into his sink. He procures a new one while Sig attempts to sort out his flour situation and requests he "please don't sneeze on this one, I only have so many bowls."

Sig runs into his second problem when he gets to the egg. He's not quite stupid enough to try and use his red arm to crack it open, because it always seems to manage to break something, but apparently he underestimates the strength of his right arm just as well, because he hits it against the tabletop and it practically explodes.

"Um," is the only sound Sig needs to come out of his mouth before Schezo mutters "Jesus Christ," and walks over to help him.

"Have you never cracked an egg open before?" He hisses, grabbing a new one as he does.

"I 'unno. Can't remember."

"How do you-" Schezo cuts himself off with a roll of his eyes. "Whatever. Look, hold this," he basically forces the egg into Sig's hand and then rests his own on top of the back of said hand. Once he has Sig's hand over the table, he presses down on it like he were cracking the egg open without an extra layer of flesh between them.

"Ah."

Sig's third problem happens basically immediately after. Schezo stares at his vanilla extract and asks Sig, "have you ever consumed vanilla extract before? As in, right out of the bottle?"

Sig tilts his head at him. "Uh... Don't think so."

Schezo can feel mischief spark itself up in his soul. Even someone like Sig would probably remember the taste of straight vanilla extract. He tips the bottle into a tablespoon then holds it out to his unsuspecting victim of truly abhorrent behavior. "Try it," he says, as calmly as he can manage.

Sig does not think to question this behavior. Sig, in fact, accepts the tablespoon and drinks the whole thing.

Schezo is rewarded for his evil-doing with getting to witness the most expression he'll likely ever see on Sig's face. He winces, then gags, then looks absolutely disgusted. "I feel like you just poisoned me," he sputters. Schezo promptly bursts out laughing.

"Please tell me there's something that'll wash this down," Sig begs, and the only response he gets is uncontrollable cackling. "I'll take soap at this point, anything."

Schezo, struggling to breathe through his laughter, reaches into his fridge and offers Sig some kind of sports drink. Sig grabs it out of his hands and chugs it. This is awful. It's horrible.

The taste and feeling haven't left him when he finishes, and for that he continues to be disgruntled, but at least it's not horrifically atrocious anymore. The absolute rapscallion who did this to him is now sitting on the floor in an attempt to help quell his laughter.

"Why would you do this to me," Sig asks, almost pitifully.

Schezo tries to catch his breath for a moment before answering, "My middle name isn't 'Devious,' for no reason."

Sig allows the faux-pas to slip his mind a moment. "Your middle name is... Devious?"

"Yes," Schezo confirms, finally calming down. "That's what my parents would yell at me whenever I was in trouble. Schezo Devious Wegey."

"You have parents?"

"Had," he corrects, and Sig drops the conversation there. Schezo seems to actually be in a relatively good mood now; it's not worth sacrificing in order to satiate a curiosity he'll probably forget about in thirty seconds.

And forget he does, because pretty soon they're able to toss the cookies into the oven, which Schezo lights with some fire magic. The two stand in front of the appliance in silence. Schezo shifts on his feet uncomfortably.

"I'm going to be honest. There's not really a whole lot to do here. I don't exactly get visitors who plan on staying for any longer than it takes to Puyo battle."

"That's fine," Sig says. "Can I look around?"

Schezo looks a little conflicted with allowing someone to root around his home, but it's not like people don't already do that without his permission anyways. He sighs and walks out of the room, gesturing for Sig to follow. He points to an alcove somewhere in the wall and bluntly states, "Bathroom."

"Does it function?"

"It does now," Schezo hisses. "Its very difficult to put one of these in cave, but if I didn't I'd either have to go into town any time I wanted to do anything normally relegated to such a room, or do it in the woods. Neither is very appealing to me."

Sig hums and follows Schezo a little further down. They come into the end of the tunnel, which contains a closed chest and some miscellaneous knick knacks.

"That is my bed," Schezo states. Sig's eyebrow twitches just the slightest bit downwards.

"Your bed is a treasure chest?"

"Yes," he responds, "it's dark and enclosed and filled with blankets. Why would I bother buying a very expensive real bed when a chest is more comfortable?"

"You sleep in a dark, cramped box," Sig smiles, "like a cat."

This earns him a subsequent glare. Sig tilts his head up at Schezo and hums. "Or maybe... More like a cat-like dog?"

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah," Sig nods, "cat-like dog."

"What- what does that even mean?"

"You're like..." Sig pauses for a very, very long time, and Schezo's patience wears thin very quickly, evidenced by his expression. "You're quiet. A lot quieter than I thought you would be. And you're snarky. But you're also loud. Really loud. And you're big. And mean. Getting chased by you feels a lot more like getting chased by a dog than a cat, I think." He pauses again. "Not that I've been chased by either."

"Why am I an animal now," Schezo mumbles, and Sig shrugs.

"Can't remember." He points to the corner of the room. "'S that guitar?"

Schezo jumps and a nervous expression crosses his face. He clears his throat. "Ukulele," he responds, looking away.

"Oh." Sig isn't sure of the difference. "Can you play?" When his question is met with a pained look he clarifies, "In general. Not now."

Schezo scoffs. "Of course I can play," he grumbles. "Why else would I have it?"

"Because you tried to play and sucked at it," he drawls, earning him a harsh elbowing as Schezo turns around to leave the room.

"Come on," he snaps, "I'd rather not burn the cookies and have to go through all of that again."

"Mm."

The two make a short trip back to the kitchen, and upon arrival Schezo pulls the cookies out of the oven-

 - and immediately shovels one into his mouth.

Apparently he's deemed it satisfactory because he shuts the oven door and extinguishes the magical fire.

"I think... You're supposed to wait...." Sig mumbles, a little unsure. Schezo sets the two batches aside and claims the one he's already eaten from.

"Who cares? They're my cookies, if I want to eat them while they're scorching hot and still squishy that's my business. They're better this way."

Sig decides that he has a point. They are his cookies. He plucks a white chocolate chip off the table with a claw, popping it in his mouth. Said table was littered with stray chips from when Schezo had tipped the entire bag of them over into their bowls without looking, instead looking Sig dead in the eye and telling him "if anyone ever tries to tell you how many chocolate chips you're allowed to put in any of your baking, you tell them to fuck off, recipe or no."

Sig doesn't know if he'll ever have the opportunity to do so, especially given he's not a regular fuck-sayer or a baker, but he'll keep it in mind... As best he can.

Sig quickly decides that it's hard to wait for his own cookies to cool while Schezo's eating his. He reaches over to the tray Schezo isn't eating from and takes a bite.

Yeah. These are cookies alright.

He stretches to grab a cookie off of Schezo's tray, to which the mage lets out an indignant "hey!" Sig replaces the cookie he stole with one on his own tray, to even things out again. He takes a bite of the stolen good. Hm.

"Well," he starts, his wording unsure. He's got Schezo's attention now though, so, guess he just has to say it. "I don't really know who you were talking about earlier, but, uh," he stops to take another bite of Schezo's cookie, "'m pretty sure if nothing else you're a better baker."

Silence.

Sig's not one to get nervous easily, thankfully, and simply continues with, "Unless you're gonna tell me he was also, like... A world fair best baker for 10 years in a row. Or something."

After another beat of quiet, Schezo asks, "Did you... Really ask to try my baking, follow me to my house, assist in said baking, and deal with me tricking you into drinking vanilla extract.... Just to get to say that?"

"It's uh. 'S not really a house," Sig starts, but seeing the expression on Schezo's face he backtracks, "but no. I also want to get to tell Lemres I took sweets from you before him."

"Why?"

"Wanna see the look on his face."

Schezo seems to take a moment to register what was said. He starts laughing, then. Not the kind of mad howling he'd done earlier; this was gentler, almost soft. He smiles at his cookie, unwilling to look Sig in the eye. "No," he says, the harsh bite normally present in his voice now missing, "I don't think he was. A world fair best baker, I mean. I'm pretty sure he'd be kicked out of any fairs he went to for one reason or another."

"See?" Sig says, finishing his cookie off. "So uh, clearly you've done... Something right."

Schezo glances up at Sig, then back down. "Thank you," he says, and if he were talking to anyone else the genuinity of the statement would've caught them off-guard. He wasn't talking to anyone else though- he was talking to Sig, who responds only with a nod he can't see, and then they both fall silent.

Only three cookies in, Sig admits, "I can't eat all of this."

"You have friends, don't you?" Schezo inquires, already halfway through his own batch.

"I don't have any way to bring them to them."

Schezo removes himself from the table to go rooting through his cabinets again. Sig watches with mild curiosity, and reacts a little too late when a Tupperware container is thrown at him. It hits him squarely in the nose, and then falls to the floor. He leans down to pick it up as Schezo turns to face him.

"I expect you to bring that back," he points out. Sig decides not to mention the fact that that means he has to actually come back to do that.

"Sure thing," he says instead, throwing cookies in the container.

When he leaves, there are no goodbyes exchanged. Sig waves, Schezo huffs at the wall, and then he's gone off back home. He's fine with that. He'll be seeing him again anyways.

Sig gets questioned when he offers his classmates the cookies.

Lidelle does not ask him anything, but she is ultimately the one who starts it. "I didn't know you baked," she points out, after asking him to set one on her desk (she'll eat it later, when no one is looking).

"Oh, yeah!" Amitie exclaims through a mouthful of cookie, "I've never seen you do that!"

"I don't," Sig responds, using his clawed hand to scratch at the back of his head.

"He probably bought them somewhere," Klug mutters, and immediately after hisses "ow!" because Raffina elbowed him.

"You should be grateful he's offering you any at all!" She hisses.

"Didn't buy 'em anyways. Made them." As an afterthought he adds, "With help."

"Oh! Oh! With help?" Amitie leans over her desk to get closer to him. "From who??"

"Uh," Sig starts, and then he doesn't finish.

"Come oooonnnn," Amitie groans, "tell me!"

"Surely it's not any of us," Klug says, eyeing his cookie a little warily now that he's been informed that Sig did, indeed, make it. "Elsewise he wouldn't be offering."

"Lemres bakes, I think..." Lidelle murmurs. Amitie snaps her fingers and nods, looking over at Sig for confirmation. The muscles in his face twitch in a manner that suggests "no," but it's a blink and you'll miss it moment.

"No offense meant towards Lemres," Raffina says, rolling her eyes, "but last I checked Sig didn't trust him with a ten foot pole. Or any pole, for that matter."

Klug grumbles something Sig can't hear, but it's probably disdain over the fact that he dares be so cruel to his idol, so he chooses to ignore it. "Ruffena's right," he says, also ignoring the way Raffina sputters at his mispronunciation, "it wasn't Lemres."

"Darn," Amitie hisses, and starts drumming her fingers along the desk. "Hmmm," she hums, "hmmmmm hm hm hmmm,"

"Would you can it!" Klug reprimands. He turns to Sig. "What about Arle? You're friends or whatever, right?"

"Doesn't Arle only really know how to make curry?" Raffina cuts in.

"I don't know!" Klug yells. "It's not like we're best friends or something! I only know her in association with that!" He points to Amitie, who has moved to balancing a pencil on her upper lip. She only stops when she realizes she's getting pointed at, and lets the pencil drop with a clatter onto the table.

"Huh?"

"Don't worry about it," Klug mutters.

"So not Lemres," Raffina confirms, "And probably not Arle," she looks to Sig just to make sure, and he gives her the slightest shake of the head. She leans back in her chair. "Well, I for one am not going to question it." She takes a bite of cookie and hums. "This is acceptable enough."

"Thanks," Sig responds, undeterred by her lackluster response.

"But I am!" Amitie yells. "Come on Sig, who is it?"

Klug gives her a withering look. "Why does it matter to you so much?"

"Because! If Sig's making new friends I wanna know about it!"

"I wouldn't really call him a friend..." Sig admits, looking off to the side. Amitie points at him like she's just made an incredible discovery.

"So it's a 'him,' then!"

"Yeah."

"Oshare!"

"Can he bake?" Lidelle asks.

"Gogotte!"

"That's soup," Raffina deadpans.

"Popoi!"

"He is a cat," Klug says, adopting a similar tone to Raffina. "And also, a puppet."

"Ugh!" Amitie slams her fist against her desk. "I give! Tell me!"

"Schezo."

The group goes quiet.

Or at least it does until Klug begins coughing, trying to hack up the pieces of cookie he's already long swallowed. Raffina glares at him. "Now what are you going and doing that for!?"

"He probably- pffhtba!- poisoned it! So he could kill us- aHACK!- and take our magic!"

"What would he do that for if he's not even here!" She slaps the hat off of Klug's head to which he responds with a yelp, trying to make a grab for it while it's still in the air. He fails, and it lands on the classroom floor. "Cease this undignified behavior at once, you cretin!"

Klug gets out of his chair to retrieve his hat, mumbling something that sounds an awful lot like "you're a cretin..." Amitie, meanwhile, looks like she's having a breakdown.

"Get real," she whispers. "Get really, really real. No way. Schezo?"

"I'm real," Sig confirms. He blinks. "Getting real?"

"I think... Being real? Maybe?" Lidelle offers.

Sig nods. "That sounds right. I'm being real." He reaches into his borrowed container to get a cookie for himself. "I made these with Schezo. His recipe. I think. I 'unno, he said he eyeballs it."

"Why?" Amitie asks.

"He's probably too impatient to find and read any actual instructions."

"No no, I mean, why were you baking with him?"

"He seemed sad," Sig answers honestly.

Klug, slapping his hat back on his head, frowns at Sig. "You risked going near Schezo- who mind you, you've already had poor experiences with- for a long enough period of time to bake cookies with him... Because he seemed sad."

"In his house," Sig adds, and Klug looks like he's going to have an aneurysm.

"In his HOUSE!... CAVE! THING!"

"That's awfully nice of you," Raffina says, managing to sound only slightly passive aggressive. At least, Sig doesn't catch it. "What spurred you to do that?"

Sig points at Amitie. "Think she's rubbing off on me."

"Aww!" Amitie giggles. "Well, did it work?"

"Think so."

"And he didn't try anything weird?" She narrows her eyes. "He didn't try to like, hurt you, or sacrifice you to the dark gods?"

Klug opens his mouth at the "dark gods" comment but Sig manages to answer before any noise comes out. "No, not really."

"Nothing villain-y?" She presses, just to be sure.

Sig stops to think about that one. "He fed me vanilla extract."

Everyone winces. A moment of silence is taken for Sig's loss of innocence.

Amitie reaches sneakily for another cookie, but she's not sneaky enough. Sig lightly pushes her hand out of the way with a blunt "no." She blows a raspberry at him in response.

"Why noooot?" She wines, giving him Amitie-branded puppy eyes.

"Still got one more person to offer to." Sig turns to Klug. "D'you know if Lemres is in town?"

The stars have aligned for Sig, today. Lemres is indeed in town, and Feli happens to be following him. This is also a boon for Sig, because it means that she and Klug begin bickering almost immediately upon setting sights on each other. This, ironically, means that Sig has him all to himself.

Sig lifts the container up to Lemres' face, momentarily distracting him from his dilemma of 'run away or separate them?' "Cookie?" He offers.

"Oh!" Lemres' eyebrows raise, surprised at Sig's offer. "Well, thank you! How kind!" He reaches in to get a cookie for himself. He takes a bite out of it and hums. "I can tell these aren't box made. Did you make them?"

"Yeah," Sig responds. He waits a second before adding, "with Schezo."

Lemres pauses. "Schezo? Really?"

"Yup."

The ground briefly shakes beneath them as Klug yells "Tectonics!" Feli responds by following with "Horary!" When the resulting lights die down, realization is settling in Lemres' face.

"His baking is actually really good," Sig continues. "I think I'm gonna go back and ask him for more sometime."

The strained smile and look of pain the Comet Warlock displays is priceless. Sig decides to make an effort to thank Schezo when he returns his container to him.

[marvellousinternethideout]

Buffy the vampire Slayer.

Season 2

Ep 7 - Lie to me

Please don't kill the kid, I hate it. Leave the kids alone

Drusilla and angel... Do they have a past? Interesting.

Oh for fuck sake! Not again! Why does buffy walks in the worst time ever. Now its angel and Drusilla. Great.

Sometimes Cordelia needs to shut up. Girl, just don't.

A new guy, billy ford, buffy's giant 5th-grade crush. Welp he's either gonna be our new fav guy or die in this episode.

Lmao Xander, you are funny. Also, willow that song is not about fat guys.

Jealousy jealousy all around. Tension all around here. Angel jealous, love it.

Ford knows everything. What do you mean you know about vampire and that she's the slayer!? WTF MAN!

He's a bad guy, I am sure of it. He's a vampire, maybe...? Or he wants to be one...?

Awww, angel is jealous. I love men get jealous in shows or books.

I love awkward mess willow. She's me and I love it.

Dont trust the ford guy. I know he's cute buffy but cute guys are trouble. Stick to women.

Spike and drusilla/drusilla's relationship is creepy .

This ford guy is totally crazy and dumb. Wanna be a vampire, just die.

Jesus Angel is dramatic, "Do you love me?", "maybe you shouldn't ", just shut up.

Jesus fucking Christ, Angel. What he did to Drusilla is pure evil. Poor girl. I hope she gets to torture and kill him. Wtf man.

Xander: "Angel was in your room?", Willow:- "Ours is a forbidden love". God I love willow. She's my favorite .

Man, buffy really has the worst taste in men. None of them are good. Angel(his fucked up past), billy ford, the creepy cemetery guy, the college guy who was a reptile worshipper and in sacrifice cult. Girl, maybe get some therapy at this point,.

Spike is kinda hot and I think I need some therapy now.

Oh OH, this ford guy is max from Rosewell(or whatever it's called), the one with insane chemistry between him and Liz. Lmao, never watched the show but I've watched gif's of them making out, which are...something 🤤🙈

Buffy for the win again.

Spike is gonna kill ford isn't he? Poor guy should've stayed in the Rosewell universe.

I kinda feel bad that ford he died. Poor guy was crazy.

I like this little moment between buffy and giles. It's emotional, raw and real.

B:- "does it get easy", G:- "what, life", B:- "yes", G:- "what do you want me to say", B:- "lie to me". Damn, I don't know why but it got me.

The last scene between giles and buffy, in the end, got me. I mean this show is pretty heavy and emotional at the times but I feel like it's gonna get much more from here.

Also, the "lie to me", episode title. Perfect for this episode. The theme of this episode was literally "lie to me", the conflict, the delusions, denials, characters lying to themselves. Ford, buffy, Giles, angel, all of them lying to themselves in different ways. Their pain and turmoil. Perfect.

Alright, another solid episode. Honestly, other than one or maybe two episodes, I've been pretty much invested in the show and haven't got bored at all.

I loved this episode. Little more sneek peek in angel's past, and drusilla and damn her past broke me, poor girl. Honestly she can go on a killing spree and I wouldn't blame her, the girl has been through hell. Angel ruined her life because he became obsessed with her? Fuck you angel.

Not sure how I feel about ford, he was a one episode guy so no attachment but like dude just die. It's kinda sad he spiralled that far away.

I really need more angel, I am not gonna lie, he doesn't even feel like a character to me anymore. It's weird how little or Barely he is in the show. I know he has his own show but I don't wanna watch that because ain't no way I am putting myself through cordelia and angel bullshit.

A really great ending to the episode, really liked that they touched on Buffy's emotional turmoil, even if it's briefly.

I guess that's all, loved the episode. Not much xander in it, it was more buffy and angel focus and angels past which included drusilla. Someone needs to get her justice because poor girl.

Anyway, see ya in the next one. Cheers 🥂

[spaceprincessem]

fuck it friday

thank you thank you thank you to lovely @ashavahishta for the tag 🥰 i’m gonna throw out a lil snippet from my 118 group therapy au today

If Buck hasn’t cracked open for some of the people he’s learned to call a family over the past two years then there’s no way Eddie is going to get anything out of him, despite how close they’ve grown over the past month. 

He does learn a lot about Abby, though. It’s the one thing Buck is most willing to talk about and it only took Eddie about twenty minutes to decide that he did not like Abby very much. Or at all, really. His disdain is reflected in the rest of the group, save for Bobby who tries to remain impartial, but even the corner of his lips twitch into a near frown when Abby is brought up. 

Abby was Buck’s first big, serious relationship. Someone he met about a year after he and Maddie moved to Los Angeles. From what Hen and Chimney say during some of their nights out when Buck slips off to buy another drink or to the bathroom, it seems that he was head over heels (or maybe in over his head). A first love. A doomed love. Eddie knows all about that.

“Abby was nice,” Hen says, her eyes quickly darting over to where Buck and Maddie are playfully bickering over which song they’re going to pick for karaoke, “but there were signs.”

“And you know Buck,” Chimney adds over the mouth of his beer, “that kid is all in on people he cares about.”

“Signs?” Eddie asks with a raise of his eyebrow.

“Buck got catfished,” Chimney answers, lowering his voice, “or, I guess someone was using his picture to catfish other girls, I mean for christ’s sakes look at the guy who wouldn’t want to go on a date with him—”

“Anyway,” Hen cuts in, shooting Chimney an amused smile, “Abby didn’t believe him and when the truth came out it was almost like she was using it as an excuse to move on.”

“How long did she ghost Buck?” Chimney asks.

“Technically,” Hen says, scrunching her nose, “she’s still ghosting him, but thankfully Buck’s moved on.”

Every time Buck talks about Abby there’s still a slight waver in his voice, jaw quivering for only a moment that if you blink you’d miss it. Eddie thinks he’s beginning to understand what Buck meant that day they talked just the two of them — I’ve learned not everyone sticks around. He can’t imagine leaving someone like Buck behind. He can’t imagine not choosing Buck. Thinking that he’s too much or not enough. Eddie’s never really had a lot of people in his corner, but he knows Buck means it when he says that he has Eddie’s back. And Eddie plans on having his for as long as the universe will let him.

i shall tag @sibylsleaves @ajunerose @princessfbi @mumucow and @outtoshatter

[spiked-tea-writing]

and they were roommates?!

SapnapxFem!Reader

Summary: Imagine being in love with your roommate, couldn't be you.

Pronouns: She/her

Warning: Swearing

Word Count: 2.3k

A/n: I don’t watch or know anything, I just like these people and I had a concept. Also, he and Dream aren’t roommates in this for the sake of I can’t figure that out. Also also, my timeline is probably fucked but who cares

The dynamic in the apartment was...interesting to say the least

In the two years of living together, it had shifted a lot

In the beginning, you and Sapnap had been... less than cordial to each other

Both eighteen, fresh out of high school, off to college thinking that you knew everything.

There was lots of fighting, to say the least.

All of the “No it’s your turn to vacuum”, and “I swear to god Sapnap I will punt you halfway across the world if you eat my pineapple again”

The only reason you didn’t slit each other’s throats was that if the other person was dead, who would pay rent?

It was the summer before college started at the time, and you were working long hours minimum wage so coming]’/ home to an annoying prick caused a crap ton of conflict

After a few months of being little bitches to each other, y’all got piss drunk in the apartment and it all just sorta fell apart

Got that good drunk therapy, spilling your deepest secrets

(y’all were underage but shhh)

So by the time college started, the two of you had become actual friends and started enjoying each others company

A few months into the friendship, you encouraged him to post the video of “Minecraft, but it’s Raining Cats and Dogs” on a whim

Lmao little did you know what you had created (we’ll get to that later)

You mocked his train of thought constantly, laughing at the timing of it all.

“Ahhh yes, I am Sapnap, the genius who thought it’d be great to become a YouTuber while in my first year of college.”

He’d always just laugh and roll his eyes, playfully shoving you while stealing your chips.

The next few months were a haze of studying, work, and him.

It was truly a friendship of convenience since you guys were so busy, him starting his youtube career, and you working restaurants, then school on top of that, it was just easy to find friendship in your roommate.

Of course, he had his close friends which he spoke to over the internet, and you had your friends from back home, but as for college, it really was only him.

You guys had a fun time just hanging around the apartment, and it became so easy to be friends with him

And it WAS truly platonic (we’ll get back to that as well)

The best thing he brought to the friendship was his animals

You got on fabulously with Cash and the cats

They were all so cuddly and honestly loved you more than him lmao

You guys were just trying to get degrees and not be too stupid, was that too much to ask???

Well to a certain 2020, it was

The beginning of that year was great.

He was sorta realizing that he liked putting himself on social media, but on top of that, it seemed like a great start to a year.

February brought him to twitch, which you loved

You found it hilarious how he would just sorta play games and have people watch him live.

But you were incredibly supportive, as a friend, of course

He really liked it so, you tried to ignore the shouting at three am, and the loud anthems at night

Sure you’d give him hell in the morning, but why kill his fun?

March started great, as it was his birthday.

You got him a glittery lighter as a gag, but it was the perfect gift for a broke-ass college student

Then a certain pandemic came a-knockin’ on y’all’s door

It was a hard hit on both of you.

An executive decision was made that you two would stay put, but being away from your families was incredibly tough.

That spring was the birth of The SMP.

It brought him so much joy, which in turn made you happier.

The rest of the school year was a blur of zooms and test

Nick nearly killed you on multiple occasions when you made fun of the fact that he was learning computer science over the computer or made him help you figure out what the fuck zoom was since it was tangentially related to his major

“SAP HELP ME YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS ITS YOUR FUCKING MAJOR!!!”

“NO, IT’S- AHHHHHHHHH”

Yall got more than a handful of noise complaints shhhh

That summer was fill was spent trying to fill the time in weird ways

Note to self, he can’t cook (which you learned the hard way)

Yall spent so much time trying to cook and bake, then sweating off the calories working out with The Fitness Marshall lmao

As sucky as the situation was, that summer was so incredibly fun for the both of you, and truthfully the only arguments were about what music to blast

“Y/n I swear if I listen to Cosmicandy one more time I will drown you.”

“Well if I hear American Idiot one more time someone’s knee caps are getting harvested.”

(that argument was settled with Elton John.)

When school started up again that fall, something shifted

After a year of actual friendship, you guys were no longer just friends, and the tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife

You had watched every single one of his streams since day one, but within 2 seconds of his Love or Host, you felt the need to hurl for some peculiar reason

It was bizarre because there was no way you could ever like him, of course not.

Within the apartment, you guys suddenly got a lot more touchy, but only because it was getting cold with winter and all that jazz.

It wasn’t because yall were secretly in love, what is this, a romcom?

The number of times you guys woke up on the couch, definitely not cuddling was too many to count

You started sitting in his room while he streamed, definitely not watching him with heart eyes because of how excited he got

He always had a pot of coffee full and a 6-pack of monster in the fridge since he knew you ran on spite and caffeine, and definitely not so that he could spend more time with you in the early hours of the morning.

The laundry started getting all mixed around, resulting in just sharing any sweats, hoodies, or socks.

The same thing went for food.

No longer was anything labeled with a name, if it was in the fridge, it was fair game (unless there was a post-it because come on, yall weren’t monsters)

But no, y’all were just roommates, not dating, lets make that clear.

Feelings? We don’t know her.

This entire time, his friends have had to hear about you rip.

But they got front row seats to your relationship development

“OMG my roommate is the worst she ate all of the frozen strawberries”

“Y/n kidnapped Storm all day while she studied and I thought I lost the fucking cat asjvdk”

“I had to run down and talk to the landlord because we dropped a pot of pasta sauce all over the carpet and couldn’t get the damn stain out.”

“She is so nice in preparation for a family dinner zoom, she ran out to the local Filipino food place and pick stuff up.”

“Sorry I’m late I overslept and didn’t want to wake up Y/n.”

They weren’t stupid, and could clearly see how whipped he was.

Dream and Geroge teased him about it constantly.

“Woah, calm down Sap, you should probably tell her you love her before you propose.”

“Yeah Dream’s right, it’s kinda weird that you’re living together before ever dating.”

He always flushed and denied it with a shake of his head.

He wasn’t into you, are they crazy?

Quackity and Karl messed with him in more unorthodox ways

There are a solid number of clips where they are fake crying over how he’s cheating on them, and even more tweets to match

It only got worse when you met them accidentally.

He was chatting post-stream on a video channel with George, Dream, Karl, and Quackity, and just his luck, you came into his room.

Like of all the times you could walk in, it was the time he was with his five closest friends but I digress

“Yo I got some extra tips yesterday so I picked up some extra Red Bull if you want to do one of your weird all-nighter streams.”

“Y/n I’m on channel.”

“Oh shit sorry my b. Catch.”

All the guys heard was a thud and a groan from Sapnap as the six-pack hit him in the chest.

Dream was the one to recognize your name.

“WAIT IS THAT Y/N I WANT TO MEET THEM!”

You could hear Dream’s voice through his headphones

“Sap… who is that?”

“No one. I’ll be out in a sec to help with dinner.”

You could hear a British voice come through.

“Oh so we are no one now, huh.”

Another voice piped through.

“Common... ¿Qué intentas ocultar?”

You cut in.

“Your headset it shit my guy. I can hear everything. I’m down to talk to them.”

He let out a groan.

“Fine. But you’re gonna have to do the dishes tonight.”

“Deal. Now move.”

“What? No.”

“Fine bitch.”

You collapsed onto his lap, plucking the headphones off of him.

“Hello, Sapnap’s friends. I am Y/n. A pleasure to meet y’all. Can you hear me?”

You heard a series of laughs through the headset, and a voice came through.

“Yes, we can see you too. I’m Karl, it’s so nice to finally meet his girlfriend.”

A blush rose on both of your faces, and another voice came through.

“Yeah, we’ve heard lots about you. Plus we can’t see your face in that picture Sap sent us. I’m Quackity”

That remark stopped your embarrassment in its tracks.

“What the fuck? How do you guys know me? I’m not even his girlfriend? And what picture?”

Sapnap grabbed your arm to calm you down as another voice cut in, but his one you recognized as his friend Dream.

“Hey, it’s okay. He just talks about you a bit, and the picture I believe was of you holding like three cats with like a red bull can on your head.”

“Jesus fucking christ why do they have that photo??”

He looked guilty but chuckled.

“Because that photo is a damn masterpiece.”

Karl’s voice came back in with a giggled.

“Soooo, Y/n we’d love to hear about you. Specifically anything funny or embarrassing that you have learned by living with him.”

Sapnap let out a groan from behind you as you went off.

“WELL lemme tell y’all, he has no cooking knowledge, well I mean, now he does, but one time, about a year ago, I had I been keeping a pot of water boiling for about an hour, soft boiling eggs, cooing noodles, blanching bok choy, etc. but this fucking genius is like ‘oH tHe HaNdLe Is StIcKiNg OuT. LeMmE mOvE iT wItH mY bArE hAnD.’ Needless to say, he burnt the crap outta his hand and kept the bag of frozen blueberries on it for the entire night. It took me like a solid five seconds to actually help him because I was laughing.”

By the time you had finished that story, you had seen Nick roll his eyes like 5 five times while the rest of the guys were wheezing.

“Yeah, well remember the time you were trying to imitate Rapunzel after we had watched it over Zoom with my sister, and you swung the edge of the frying pan into our head and got a nasty bump on it? At least I moved quick enough to put some ice on it.”

“Ice? It was the damn leftover Slushy that I had been freezing.”

“True, but you got to drink it after, so it was a win-win situation.”

“Sap, I had a bump the size of a golfball coming off of my temple. There was no winning.”

“Fine, you’re just making me sound like such a shit roommate.”

“No that’s not true, you do all of the talking to the landlord, and you at least tried to muffle the noise when you stream.”

“I guess that’s true, but you do like 80% of the cleaning.”

“Yeah but only because you’re working. Plus in the past 6 months, you’ve made coffee every morning, AND made sure I was taking my meds.”

“Those things aren’t that hard and I do it to make sure you don’t die because I lo- care about you.”

“What?”

“What?”

You heard Dream’s wheeze laugh and remembered that you guys were still on call.

“Smooth.”

You both went red, and Sap moved his arm around you to leave the channel.

The next few moments were complete torture, the two of you just sitting in silence.

You were wondering if he meant what he was about to say and he was scared that you had heard it.

He was the one to break the silence. (mind you you’re still sitting on his lap lmao)

“I’m sorry about that.”

You weren’t sure how to respond. Should you ask him if he meant it? Because that wouldn’t be that bad. Or just pretend it never happened. Nah that’d be hella awkward. Or-

“I love you too.”

“You what?”

Wow, okay your brain is being a little bitch rn, but fuck it. Balls to the walls baby.

“I love you, and I have for a while now. I just want you to know.”

You finally looked him in the eye, and he was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“Thank god. I love you, and nearly fucking told you for the first time in front of my friends accidentally. Damn, I’m smooth.”

You laughed and he smiled wider.

“Can I kiss you?”

After a quick nod he swooped in and holy hell his lips felt great. His arm wound around your waist and your hands made their way to his jaw as he pulled you closer to him.

The only thing playing in your mind was “and they were roommates”

[themculibrary]

Bucky/Darcy Masterlist

A Curse and A Blessing (ao3) - Anogete E, 46k

Summary: Bucky doesn't think touch therapy can cure his insomnia. Steve disagrees and recruits Darcy to "treat" Bucky with hugs each day. It doesn't take long for things to escalate when you've got a flirty ex-assassin and a lab assistant with a crush.

A Fairy Tale (ao3) - acaseofthemondays M, 84k

Summary: A wintershock story based on the original version of La Belle et la Bete with all the interfering fairies and none of the talking furniture.

A Mask of My Disguise (ao3) - amidtheflowers E, 86k

Summary: He didn't think much of her at first. She drank bubble tea every day for Christ's sake. But he won't make that mistake again--not when her taser stares down his nose.

"I really hope you didn't think I couldn't handle myself."

Best Supporting Soulmate (ao3) - Valeris M, 46k

Summary: There were thousands of studies about what a person’s soul marks did to their psychological development. Darcy generally thought that they were bullshit.

Daybreak (ao3) - Anogete E, 70k

Summary: Darcy eavesdrops on a therapy session between Bucky and Sam Wilson and wants to find a way to make Bucky's life a little better. The problem is she doesn't know how to introduce herself without sounding like a creep. Lucky for her, Bucky isn't as clueless as he might seem.

First Sight (ao3) - grimeysociety E, 20k

Summary: Prompt: Rebuilding Avengers HQ on a new site, and they get Jane to help with some of the science bits. Darcy comes with her. Bucky’s is smitten on first sight and of course Steve and Sam are stuck between lightly teasing him and trying to get him to at least talk to her.

In Love with the Moment (ao3) - Anogete E, 73k

Summary: Jane and Darcy have been recruited to help support and rebuild the science side of the Avengers after the events of Endgame. Darcy can't believe her luck when the hottest guy around offers to help her with the luggage as they arrive. She's not exactly sure what his deal is, and he doesn't exactly seem willing to share, though. Eventually discovering his secret doesn't stop her from inviting him to come along to her parents' house as her fake boyfriend. Bucky can't seem to stay away from the pretty brunette with the big eyes, not even when spending time with her means meeting her parents before he's even kissed her.

Interlude (ao3) - sarahbeniel E, 66k

Summary: Bucky and Darcy are having trouble communicating. When Bucky suggests they take a break, she assumes it's over. But sometimes a break is just what the doctor ordered...

Just Keep on Keeping Your Eyes on Me (ao3) - Hollyspacey M, 3k

Summary: Darcy and Bucky don’t say very much to one another at first, but that’s ok with them both.

Never Have I Ever (ao3) - Wunderlass E, 8k

Summary: Darcy hates drinking games. They always make her feel inadequate.

Oh lights go down, in the moment we're lost and found (I just wanna be by your side) (ao3) - sarcastic_fina T, 4k

Summary: Allen took an instant liking to Darcy, asked her out on the spot, and this was their second date.

Second. As in the first one went well enough that she was willing to see him again.

It made Bucky’s gut twist.

That Which You Seek (ao3) - Wynn T, 52k

Summary: The man in the booth before Darcy stares down at his pancakes with suspicion.

A few days after Bucky discovers his true identity, Darcy encounters him in a diner 50 miles outside of D.C. having apparently transformed from a handsome long-dead war hero into a creepy, scruffy, pancake-hating serial killer. So of course she tries to help him.

the dame in the silk pajamas (ao3) - notahotlibrarian T, 4k

Summary:

Bucky wants to know three things about this woman: 1) How does she know Clint? 2) Does she ever wear real clothes? 3) How can he get her number?

Alternatively: five times Bucky sees Darcy less-than-fully dressed, and one time she sees him that way.

(trade your) broken wings (ao3) - bloomsoftly E, 75k

Summary: Bucky wonders if she’ll react like all the others when she recognizes who he is; as much as he understands it, he’s so tired of the fear.

She doesn’t.

-or-

the development of a relationship through trust and food. lots of food.

Why Not Today (ao3) - sarahbeniel E, 129k

Summary: With her biological clock ticking and her uncompleted doctoral thesis festering, Darcy Lewis wrestles with questions of how to steer herself into a future that will tick all the right boxes. When an unexpected relationship develops between her and Bucky Barnes, and she finds herself living more in the moment, things get even blurrier.

[softtransbf]

Mister Nice Guy, part 2

part one

Summary: Shit hits the fan, and the rest of the BAU is done with it.

Word Count: 3523

Reader: he/him trans man, no physical description

Warnings: case involving targeting gay people, brief mention of a child abduction case, coming out/anxiety of experiencing transphobia (no actual transphobia though), alcohol, swearing

@aleccolocco (sorry it took so long to finish lol)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"No, that doesn't make any sense at all, doctor!" you spat his title. "He's not jealous of these couples, killing what he can't have, or a homophobe, punishing gay people for being happy. He's putting an end to their unhappy relationships. He sees it as mercy." Over the months, your cold war with Reid turned into outright conflict, and tonight, alone in the police station in Oregon, was no exception. Hotchner had tasked the two of you with presenting the preliminary profile the next morning, and it was going as well as conversations ever went.

"We have no evidence that he knows they're unhappy, though. All of his victims are clearly happy in their relationships," Reid challenged.

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. "Please. One look at their social media and it's obvious that the relationships are on the rocks."

"Where do you get that? All I see are typical happy relationships. Selfies, checking into special events together, posts about kind things one does for the other. Nothing indicating a troubled relationship to me."

"The gentlemen doth protest too much. They're painting an overly happy painting on social media, hoping that some of that happiness will actually become real. They're desperate for the relationship to work."

"Let's say you're right. I don't think you are, but let's pretend for the sake of trying to see your logic through. Why? Why would they be so desperate to save a failing relationship?"

"God, straight men just don't fucking get it!" You went to grab a file, missing his small flinch. "You don't understand how limited the dating pool for men who are into men is. Look at the most recent couple in particular. The most lovey-dovey on social media, and got the most brutal deaths."

"Yes, because they were the happiest. My theory holds," Reid interrupted.

"No. Look, this guy put way more out there on social media than his partner, and look at the pictures he posted. Look how forced his smile is, look at the body language. He needs this relationship to work, because dating as a gay man is one thing, dating as a gay trans man is almost impossible. Having to start over and deal with transphobia over and over again is worse than being in a bad relationship. In his eyes, I mean." Shit, the first person I come out to on this team cannot be Spencer fucking Reid. He doesn't deserve the honor.

"That was yesterday. We haven't gotten the autopsy report yet. How could you possibly know that he's trans?"

"Testosterone vials and needles in the bathroom. Neither of them are old enough for a cis man to reasonably have issues that require testosterone injections. It's HRT, hormone replacement therapy."

"Even if you're right, your conclusion still seems like a much bigger jump than mine, that the killer sees the relationships as happy and is lashing out at that, be it from jealousy or homophobia."

"Whatever. You'll see tomorrow, when we talk to the M.E., that he was trans, and that fact backs me up. I am absolutely right about this, and you will eat your words. Then I will present my theory, and you can choke on yours."

"We? You anticipate us spending more time together?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I meant 'we' as in the team, asshat. The world doesn't revolve around you. Mine sure as hell doesn't. I'm gonna go back to the hotel, write my own damn preliminary profile, and try to get some fucking sleep. Clearly we won't agree on this."

"We don't ever agree on anything," he pointed out.

"Not true. We agree that we dislike each other and can't get along. Good night, doctor." You turned and walked away, not giving him a chance to respond.

This man is going to be the death of me, he thought as he watched you walk away.

~

The autopsy report came in the next day, and you were right. The tech team also found a locked notes app on his phone that catalogued his unhappiness and fear of leaving. You presented your preliminary profile to the team. Reid didn't even argue; he just sat in silence, leaving the room as soon as you were finished. Never one to pass up a chance to gloat for beating him, you offered to get coffee for the team, got everyone's order, and left shortly behind him.

You were expecting to catch up to him, his impossibly long legs be damned. You weren't expecting him to be waiting for you. He pulled you into an empty interrogation room and pushed you up against a wall, his face just inches from yours. It was only a moment before being flustered by the closeness and those goddamn eyes were replaced by anger.

"What the FUCK, Reid?"

"What game are you playing, Y/N? What game are we playing? What's your endgame?" He spoke quickly and softly, but there was an intensity in his voice that had you captivated.

"I'm the one playing games?" You pushed him back, away from you. "You're the one who decided to hate me before we even met. When I transferred, all I wanted was to do a good job and fit in with the team. But quite literally from the minute I walked through the door, you'd decided you hate me. Turnabout is just fair play, gorgeous." Oh, fuck.

"Gorgeous?" You walked past him to the other side of the room, running a hand through your hair and turning your back on him. "Fine. Yeah, okay? I wanted approval from the brilliant and handsome Doctor Spencer Reid. In a way that's respectful of your heterosexuality, of course." You turned around and faced him again. "But that doesn't matter, because you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with me right off the bat."

"What makes you think I'm straight?" He's fucking with me, now that that cat is out of the bag. Great. Fucking cishet men. Even he's no different. Thank god he still thinks I'm cis.

"Garcia mentioned in her newbie-run-down that you're 'awkward, but in a cute way, especially around women'. Plus, she mentioned that Emily is bi, leaving everyone else implied straight as even the best cishet allies are wont to do. And as we both know, Penelope knows everything.

And before you make the hearsay argument I can see forming in that brilliant head of yours, I've heard and seen too much about your impeccable memory to assume you don't remember when we all went to the bar after my first case. I was unabashedly Queer, friendly flirting with Derek and calling out cishet bullshit. When I did the latter, you literally rolled your eyes and walked away. Which is, funnily enough, some cishet bullshit. 

JJ said you were just going through a thing and things would get better, but they just got worse. I'm not going to ask you to spill whatever was going on, because it's not my business, but god damn, dude. Why did you hate me so much so quickly?"

"You asked JJ about me?" He took a few steps towards you, a small smile on his face.

"That's the part you focused on? Jesus fucking Christ. Yes, I asked her about why you decided to hate me before we even met. Whatever. I hope you got whatever you were looking for by pulling me in here. I'm done. Done with this conversation, done with whatever has been going on with you and us since the day I transferred." You turned to leave, but he grabbed your arm. It was barely more than a light touch, but you let it stop you.

"Y/N. I can't-" he sighed. "God, you make my head spin. I can't organize my thoughts enough to say what I want to. JJ was right, there was something I had to work through, and I guess you'd made up your mind about me before I figured it out. It isn't an excuse for how I treated you, just an explanation. As for the more recent development of arguments… I guess I read a subtext that wasn't there. I could never dislike you, let alone hate you. I am truly sorry for- for all of it." With three long strides, he was out the door.

Make his head spin? What subtext? Since when is he unable to say what's on his mind? And what was that about not disliking me? All we've done since we met is argue or ignore each other. Why else would he act like that? Why do I even care? Why am I so knotted up about what he's thinking and feeling? Whatever. Fuck him, and not in the fun way. I've gotta go get coffee for the team. As you were getting the coffee, you couldn't get the memory of his face, so close to yours, to stop playing in your head.

The rest of the case was mostly as normal, but there was an energy between you and Spencer that was distant like when you joined the team, but there was something else to it that you couldn't quite put your finger on. It made you a little bit sad, though, for reasons you didn't understand.

~

"I love you, Y/N. I love you so much. I pulled away from you because it terrified me how much I loved you from the moment you walked through the door that first day. Being around you, even when we were arguing, made me feel alive in a way I never had before. You're all I think about, you're all I could ever want. I love you."

"I… I love you too." You didn't know which one of you moved, maybe you both did, but in an instant, you were kissing Spencer Reid, and you couldn't have been happier.

-

You woke up with a start, breathing heavily. You looked around; you were in your room, home alone, and it was 3:37 am. What the hell was that?

Four hours later, you trudged through the door of the BAU office, venti red-eye in hand. You made it about ten steps before Derek had his arm around your shoulders.

"Whoa there, hot stuff. Rough night?" You tried to shake him off, but he wouldn't budge, so you just kept walking, making him go with you towards your desk.

"So not your business, Derek. You being open with your personal life doesn't mean we all have to be open like that with ours."

"Personal life, huh? So who is he? More importantly, how was he, and should we expect more mornings like this in the future?" You rolled your eyes and playfully shoved him away. You'd reached your desk, so you sat on top of it, facing him. As you did, you made eye contact with Spencer, who was well within earshot. His face was unreadable, and you weren't sure why him hearing Morgan tease you like that upset you. It never had before.

"No, Derek. There's no one. Just some nightmares. Nothing major; I'll be fine by tomorrow." You got off your desk, sat in your chair, and logged into your laptop. Derek whistled and walked away without another word, shaking his head.

You tried to focus on the paperwork you needed to get done, but you couldn't stop thinking about that dream. The feeling of his lips on yours… it felt so real.

This is ridiculous. Love? We don't even like each other. Well… there was the stuff he was saying yesterday- 'I could never dislike you, let alone hate you', and some sort of subtext? But not disliking someone is a far cry from love. Plus, he's straight, so this is all absurd. And even if he DID have feelings for me, I sure as hell don't return them. I mean, maybe he's not as awful as I've thought, especially if he wasn't coming from a place of dislike. And he really is very pretty. Those eyes… Wait, what the fuck? This is all fucking ridiculous. I just need to get a full night's sleep tomorrow, and all this weirdness will be gone.

You took a giant gulp of your coffee, shook your head, and ran your fingers through your hair. Fortunately, Hotchner called a team meeting, forcing your attention to other things.

While no case could ever be described as 'normal', this case was pretty cut and dry, once you figured out what you were looking for. No dramatic twist, no tense showdown at his arrest. There weren't many cases like that, but you were very glad that this one was. You never sleep well when on a case, and no matter what you did, you couldn't shake that dream, the butterflies it left in your stomach every time you looked at him, and the strange disappointment when, unlike before that moment in Oregon, he wasn't looking at you.

Two more weeks passed. The energy between you and Spencer, whatever force it was that had drawn you together to argue again and again, was gone. You were polite to each other, and cooperated as necessary, but didn't do more than the bare minimum when it came to interacting with each other. Your interactions were cold and low-spirited. So you were so glad for a fun night out with Penelope, Emily, and JJ.

"So, Y/N, things seem… different… between you and Spencer these days. Did something happen?" Emily's tone made it clear that the three of them had intended to bring this up long before the plan to get drinks was even made. "I appreciate y'all waiting until I had a couple of drinks in me at least before going here. I guess we just got tired of fighting? I don't know. I can't figure out what's going on in that brilliant head of his. I thought I at least knew where I stood with him, even though it was purely adversarial, but I think I was wrong. But then that leaves me with no idea what he thinks of me or why I care so damn much."

"Really? No idea at all?" JJ asked. "I remember walking by a closed door in the police station in Oregon and hearing the word 'gorgeous' being thrown around." "Oh my god. You heard that?" You buried your face in your hands, and they all laughed.

"Yeah, I did, but only that one word. I'd figured you were on the phone with someone, but then you and Spence both started acting sad. I wasn't sure, of course, that you were talking to him until just now."

"Fuck. Okay, yeah. I think he's pretty. But I'm absolutely not alone in that. Derek calls him Pretty Boy, for goodness' sake. Appreciating someone's beauty doesn't have to mean anything more."

"Y/N, really? After everything we've been through together, you're gonna lie to us like this? Whatever happened, you've both been miserable since, and it's throwing the whole team off balance."

"What do you want me to say, Penelope? That I'm in love with him? He's pretentious and a know-it-all and a nerd and funny and kind and gorgeous and oh my God. I think I'm in love with him." The three women clapped and cheered.

"Finally, you get there! Took you long enough." Emily winked. "So, what's the plan now?"

"Keep this shit between us until my feelings go away. Even if he wasn't straight, I wouldn't risk fucking things up by telling him how I felt. As it is, I stand no chance in hell, so I'm just gonna write this one off as another straight guy I've fallen for and try to move on."

"Y/N, if you tell him-" Penelope started.

"No. You, more than anyone, know why I can't even entertain the idea of trying to be with him. I can't set myself up for that kind of pain. Not here, not where things are so good." You looked at all three of them. "I know that your intentions were good, but I just can't do this. I'm sorry." You grabbed your coat and left.

Your interactions with Spencer changed yet again. Now that you knew you loved him, you couldn't help yourself from being warmer towards him. As the weeks passed, you got closer. After three weeks, you considered him to be a good friend, not that that made things any less painful. You were just hoping that Penelope, Emily, and JJ were going to respect your wishes and drop the subject of your feelings for him.

[From: Penelope]: round table room ASAP

Shit. The last time you'd gotten that text from Penelope, the team left on a serial child abduction case 30 minutes later. So, despite it being your day off, you ran out the door and were there with your go bag in 15 minutes.

But no one else was there. No files on the table, nothing to indicate that there was a new case. You pulled out your phone to call Penelope, but then you heard a commotion outside the door- you'd closed it behind you.

"No, Derek, wait, I don't-"

"Can it, Pretty Boy, and thank me later." Derek opened the door, pushed Spencer into the room, winked at you, and shut the door, all in about 3 seconds.

"Spencer. Um, hi. Is the rest of the team not going to join us? Garcia's text seemed pretty urgent." You tucked your phone into your pocket.

"I don't think so, since I just heard Morgan barricade the door." He tried to open the door and failed.

"Oh my god they're Parent Trapping us. I'm gonna kill them."

Spencer tilted his head, confused. "Parent Trapping?"

"Oh my god have you not seen any of the Parent Trap movies? Were you living under a rock in 1998?" "I was seventeen and working on my first doctorate, so pretty much, yeah," he laughed. You couldn't help but laugh, too, as you firmly ignored how his smile made you absolutely melt.

"Fair enough. The '61 one is good too, but the '98 Lindsay Lohan one is Iconic for good reason. Anyway. The point is, they've locked us in here and won't let us out until we have a conversation."

"Just a conversation? Or do they want us to talk about something in particular?" He took a seat at the table.

"I- yeah, they have a particular topic in mind. I'm so sorry. This is my fault. I was tipsy and said things I should have just kept to myself. I thought they'd respected my wishes and left well enough alone, but clearly they didn't. And they won't let us out of here until I tell you-" you hesitated.

"Tell me what?" He leaned forward, and part of you swore you saw hope in his beautiful brown eyes. You looked at the floor, avoiding them.

"Tell you that I… have feelings for you. Romantic, cheesy, butterflies-in-my-stomach feelings. I don't know why they want me to tell you this. We've just gotten to a good place as friends, and you're straight, and-"

Somehow you missed the sound of him getting up and taking the few steps over to you, because you practically jumped out of your skin when his hands were suddenly on your shoulders.

"Y/N. Please, darling, look at me?" Bewildered by the endearment, you did, and his smile was blinding. "I'm not straight. I'm bi, and I think part of me has been in love with you since your first day at the BAU. The thing JJ said I was working through? The potential problems of having feelings for a coworker. For you. As soon as you walked through that door", he pointed and then took both your hands in his, "I loved you. The night at the bar? I was rolling my eyes at myself for how much I wanted to kiss you, and I walked away to stop myself from doing something reckless. I love you, Y/N. Can I do something reckless?"

"I'm trans," you blurted. "I hope that doesn't change anything, but it's something you should know. If knowing that I'm trans changes things, now is the time for you to say something. If it's a problem and it blows up later, it might actually kill me. Because I love you, too. So much. If it doesn't change anything, then please, Spencer, kiss me."

The words were barely out of your mouth before his lips were on yours. You weren't sure how long you were kissing before you were interrupted by cheers from the other side of the door. "Shit, Spencer, they're going to be the worst about this, aren't they?" You were a bit embarrassed by how breathy your voice was, but you were too happy to really care.

"Oh yeah. We're not going to get a moment that's just us in this building ever again. Do you want to get it over with and face them, or would you prefer we stay in this moment a bit longer?"

"What do you think, doctor?" you asked, pulling him in for another kiss.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Barry: starting now (3x08)

Uhhmmm. Billiam Hader can we talk? Jeezus CHRISt on a cracker.

Cons:

I think the introduction of the Albert character this season was probably the weakest point structurally. When we get to the big climax and Albert is pointing a gun at a sobbing Barry, I just kept thinking that this guy isn't someone I really feel connected to, in terms of his personal investment in Barry's fate. It's a small thing, but that's one element of the season and this episode that just doesn't click with me as strongly as everything else going on.

Pros:

Let's start with Sally. I love that I predicted something of this a couple weeks back, without knowing I was making a prediction. Sally is back, and she wants Barry to torment Natalie, the way he'd offered to do to the streaming site lady earlier. Barry tells her no, that he doesn't want her to go down that path of violence. Then, we get an intruder breaking in after Barry. He tries to choke Sally and kill her, but she manages to stab him with a knife and then beats him to death brutally with a baseball bat. The killing mostly happens in a closed sound booth so we get to see it but not hear it. When Barry wakes up from being knocked out, he grabs Sally and tells her that he did this, that it was him, that she needs to leave and pretend she was never there.

A few episodes ago I had said I wondered if Sally was considering Barry's crazy offer of vengeance, but of course she wasn't really down with it. Now, here, having reached a breaking point of her own, she's ready to snap. The utter randomness, the violence, the intensity of the strangling and the baseball bat scene... let's just say I was utterly horrified and mesmerized the whole way through. The cycle of abuse continues. Sally gets yelled at, Sally yells. Sally gets beaten, Sally beats someone to death. We hope she can escape this, but it's hard to imagine how.

Meanwhile Cousineau's career advancements are forestalled when Jim Moss interrogates him about the truth, and uncovers Barry's involvement. Serious props to the performers in this scene. The dialogue is a lot of repetition which only increased the horror of the moment. We see Gene crumbling under the face of his love for Janice, his lack of love for Barry. Why are you protecting him? Jim asks over and over and over again, and eventually we get our answer, and the undoing of that protection.

But before we get to that ending, there's also Hank. Everybody in this whole episode did just such good face acting, I don't even know what to tell you. We get to watch Hank react as a tiger eats the other prisoners on the other side of the wall. He manages to escape and kill the tiger with a machine gun, and the amount of terror and gruesome audio we are treated to in those few minutes is honestly stomach-turning in all the best ways. Then, Hank finds Cristobal, being electrocuted by his wife in a horrifying one-on-one example of gay conversion therapy. He kills Elena and the man who was dancing around to help with the de-queer-ifying of Cristobal, but we are left incredibly uncertain of their fate. Just as Sally has been forever changed by what she's done, so too has Hank, by the lives he's taken. We're not even sure if Cristobal is still conscious; it's possible that he's brain dead due to the electrocution. And that's where we leave them, reunited but utterly destroyed.

Barry ends the episode in custody, Fuches is already in prison. Cousineau has betrayed Barry for Janice's sake, at Jim Moss's prompting. Sally is fleeing, the blood of a bad man on her hands, forever scarred. Everyone is at a ridiculously low point. I saw somewhere that Bill Hader wanted this episode to feel like a panic attack, and I think he achieved that. There were so many scenes where I thought I sort of knew what the deal was, and then that wasn't it at all. Hank locked up, hearing men being eaten in the next room? Sally and Barry having a disturbing conversation and then suddenly Barry is unconscious and Sally is being choked to death? Barry and Cousineau having a tense exchange about Jim Moss, and suddenly Barry is arrested and the whole game is up? Everything went further than I thought it would, everything coalesced to the breaking point for our characters. I am so, so excited to see what fucked up things happen to them all when this show comes back for a fourth season!

9/10