#who got a glue trap stuck on her pants the other day

[little-pondhead]

Me, staring very deeply into the eyes of my two dogs: look at me. look at me. I know you can do this. you both are mutts with hunting dog blood in your veins. together, you two can catch the mouse that’s in the kitchen. it’s eating your food, do you see? your humans are too stupid to lay out mouse traps and not get caught in them, it’s all up to you guys.

My dogs:

The mouse:

[geekygee01]

Searching for something, I can’t reach

Mouth full of white lies

Character/s: Reader, Nancy Wheeler, Barbara Holland, Jonathon Byers (mentioned), Will Byers (mentioned, Joyce Byers (mentioned) and a handful of small OC's

Pairings: You’ll see ;)

Warnings: Light angst, secrets, developing plot

Chapter Summary: For the first time in a long time the whispers at Hawkins High aren’t all about you. No, this time it seems all anybody can talk about is Will Byers and what could have happened to him.

Word Count: 1558

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‘I find comfort in suffering and certainty in death.’ Your eyes trace the words. It was one of the many quotes on the walls of your middle school English classroom. Most of them were bright colourful positive quotes with cute little pictures but this was always the one your eyes were drawn to. Maybe because, even at the age of 12 it was something you could understand, something you could relate to. You have it printed out and stuck on your own wall. It’s surrounded by other miscellaneous pictures and quotes. Most of which have changed throughout the years but that quote has been a constant for about four years now.

“You’re going to be late,” your eyes dart from the quote to your little sister standing at the edge of your bed.

You roll out of bed, untangle yourself from the sheets and hop around trying to pull on some semi-clean jeans from the floor. You then shrug on a jacket over the top of your brothers' old concert shirt.

“You’re wearing your pyjama shirt to school?” your sister eyes your outfit with disdain. She’s one to talk, what with her outfit. Does she think jeans tucked into long stripey socks, a frumpy sweater and a pink skirt over her pants looks any better?

“Technically? It was a t-shirt before I repurposed it. Think of it as bi-useful,” you put your shoes on and reach for your backpack, shoving books and loose sheets of paper into it.

“Bi-useful? Why are you so weird?”

“Keep that attitude up and I won’t take you to school,” you snap but she just rolls her eyes, neither of you believes that you’d leave her to fend for herself “ugh, let’s go!”

You both head to your brother’s old car. A shitty, beaten up pile of metal that survives on tape, super glue and prayers. You get in first, climbing over the passenger seat and into the drivers because the drivers' side door doesn’t open anymore.

“Floor it!” your sister grins wickedly.

“You know as well as I do that ‘flooring’ it means about 20 or a breakdown,” yet you press down on the gas pedal anyway hoping to get to school on time. You stop first at your sister school “bye Mara, I’ll be back around 4.” Then finally arriving at Hawkins High School.

..

People are whispering in the halls, glancing around and sharing secrets, the newest gossip spreading like wildfire. But for once those weird side glances aren’t directed at you for the first time since the death of your parents nobody is gossiping about you. You don’t know whether to feel relieved that you’re finally being left alone or pity for whoever is on the other end of this new gossip.

You notice Barb and Nancy a few lockers down from you and make your way over to them. “Do you guys have any idea what’s going on?” you ask them. Nancy eyes you warily, the same look people have been giving you for years. Not that it matters, she was never really your friend, just someone you talk to because of Barb.

“Apparently Will Byers went missing,” Barb explains.

“Jonathon’s brother?” asides from Barb and Joshua, Jonathon is probably the only kid at this school who doesn’t look at you funny, doesn’t whisper about you or gossip or offer fake sympathy. “I hope they’re all okay.”

“They?” Nancy finally speaks.

“I hope Will’s safe, wherever he is, and I hope Jonathon and Mrs Byers are handling it okay. Must be so hard for them, to not know where he is or if he’s okay. Is Jonathon here today?”

“Probably not, he wasn’t here yesterday. People thought the two of you were off together, they probably regret it now, knowing why he was actually gone,” Barb stares awkwardly as Nancy talks, probably expecting what she’s going to say next “where were you yesterday?”

“Yesterday was the anniversary of the accident,” you look away from the two girls “didn’t really feel like being at school for it.”

“You don’t find that odd?” Nancy presses.

“Find what odd?”

“That your family’s accident and Will’s disappearance happened on the same day?”

“Nance..” Barb lightly scolds.

“I guess it’s a bit weird, but it doesn’t mean anything. Besides the day it happened, the disappearance of a boy in the woods and a fatal car accident have nothing in common.” Nancy looks like she’s going to say something else so you quickly cut in “look, I’ve gotta go finish some homework, sorry.” And with that little white lie, you turn and walk away, hopefully, no-one else realises the significance of the date to you and cause a whole new lot of rumours to spread.

“You know I heard you skipped school yesterday because you were getting in a turf war with another gang,” Joshua appears next to you, his look complete with bulky glasses an armful of books and a cheeky grin.

“Oh yeah,” you grin “and where’d you hear that?”

“Alright, I made that one up,” he tries to push his glasses up with the back of his hand, almost dropping all his books in the process. “But I think it’s pretty believable, you got that whole gang vibe going on.”

“Gang vibe?”

You make it to your own locker and put away the things you don’t need. “Yeah, you know. Smart and mysterious, no real friends or strong connections to anything. A tragic backstory and some sort of secret hidden behind the walls you’ve built up,” rolling your eyes at Joshua’s explanation you close your locker louder than intended to, causing peoples heads to snap in your direction. You grin sheepishly before turning and hurrying to your first class of the day. Hopefully, you can just put your head down, keep to yourself, and get through the day without any more trouble.

But alas, it just isn’t meant to be. Even with the new drama, Will’s disappearance has brought, you’re still on some people’s minds, and in their words. In homeroom, almost everybody around you is whispering about Will or Jonathon, but some are still talking about you. Suzie R is theorising as to why you weren’t at school yesterday, Michael P is trying to convince his friends that you and Jonathon are behind Will’s disappearance, Donovan is telling anyone who will listen that Will caught you having an affair with a married man so the two of you killed him to keep him quiet. Well on the bright-side, at least they’re saying new things about you, not talking about the same old recycled gossip; like ‘I heard she cut the brake lines in her parent’s car’ ‘I heard her father found out she was sleeping with an older guy and the whole thing wasmurder-suicidee’ or ‘Apparently she has mental issues and they were taking her to a psychiatric hospital when she freaked out and caused the accident’.

Why people feel the need to put their shitty insights on an already horrible situation is beyond you, but they always do. No matter how small the latest drama is you can bet all of Hawkins High has their own rendition of it. You just try and tune them out and get through the class.

Donovan corners you in between homeroom and first period, trapping you by the bubblers. People walk past and stare, some stop to see what’s going on, but nobody helps you. “S’up weirdo,” you roll your eyes and try to push past him “no need to spaz out, I just want yo ask you something.”

“What,” you glare up at him.

“Well did you do it?” he looks back at two of his mates who cheer him on.

“What exactly are you asking me to fess up to?”

“Did you kill the freaks brother?” he asks with a grin. Your eyebrows narrow and you clench your jaw, bringing the hell of your foot down hard on his toes. He staggers away from you with a shout.

“Don’t call me weirdo,” you seeth, taking a step towards him as he takes one back “don’t call Jonathon a freak,” another step “don’t make jokes about a serious situation,” step “and don’t say shit about any of us again.” You stomp on his foot one final time as he crashes into some lockers. You turn and walk away from him and the forming crowd and right out the front doors, school can miss you another day.

You slam your car door with a huff, sliding into the drivers seat and peeling out of the parking lot. You have no idea where you are going, you just want to get away. Away, away, away. You’re driving along through the woods, tall trees casting shadows on your car and leaves blowing along the road when something appears, no someone. They run out onto the road and raise their hands, your car hurtling towards them. You quickly slam your foot on the brakes, hoping to either stop before you hit them or slow down enough that they get out of the way.

You screech to a stop just shy of hitting the idiot crazy enough to jump in front of a car, you shake off the dizziness that came with thudding to a stop and peer out the windshield at said idiot.

“Will?”

[fantroll-purgatory]

@rice-22

FIRST: AU,fansession where there are “12”,(really 13) trolls based on Chinese horoscope

Oo, somehow we’ve never had anyone on this blog go through the Chinese zodiac? I think we might’ve had a few separate instances, but never a full roster, so this ought to be fun. I’m gonna try to tread lightly, but this seems like a good time.

Name:shū,i know trolls need 6 letters on each name, but im not sure for her,shū is the Chinese name of rat

Hmmm. I always feel weird picking on folk religion for names, but we use Greek/Roman deities just fine so I’ll tentatively recommend Huxian for the first name. This comes from Huīxiān, the Rat Immortal of Northeastern Chinese religion, which reflects on broader Chinese cosmology (which is why I thought to use it in the first place). 

As for her last name… How about Glaber, from Naked Mole Rat. They’re remarked for their longevity and survivability in harsh climates, and it fits well with the Rat Immortal name along with the fact that reds are notoriously hard to kill. 

Huxian Glaber.

Age:6 sweeps

Strife Specibus:hmm

Rats are well known for their cunning, so I think you should give her a trap-based specibus. Maybe trapkind with her specifically using sticky traps? She throws them down and then leads people into the sticky trap, so they’re stuck in glue while she runs away! Hehe.

Fetch Modus:labirynth modus,she needs to solve an labirynth and find the way to the item she wants

Maybe she has to have one of her pet rats run the maze instead of doing it herself! Just an idea.

Blood color:ugly rusty red,not like that beautyfull cherry red

Well now that’s rude- is that what she thinks of herself poor girl? )^:

Symbol and meaning:she is derse and i think she is a void hero,but im not sure about her aspect,for now she got the Chinese rat symbol and i want to mix this and her true sign

It feels a little odd to me to use just the Chinese word for rat as her symbol? Straightup using language words for symbols isn’t something Homestuck really does. I’ll try to see if I can reasonably incorporate anything with red sign language! But I’ll probably be taking most of my symbol design inspiration from Tachigami, the Rat Constellation, from the game Okami. 

Trolltag:rodentTrainer

What about rodentiaCutpurse? Rodentia still references rodents, but cutpurse references her thiefy habit. Hey, maybe her rats can help her steal.

Quirk:hmm shE usヨs E’s facing on lヨft and right

I know this is probably referencing her symbol, but just in case we change that… Rats are known for their luck and such, so I think we should use her lucky numbers. She should change:  Z=2, E=3, D=6, B=8. But she should also Never use 4, 5, or 9 and reverse replace those, 4=A, 5=S, and 9=Q.  EX:  th3 quick 8rown fox jumps ov3r the la2y 6og, 2q tim32 to 83 3xact. 

Special Abilities:she is sneaky like a shadow,also she keeps live and dead rats

Oo, she could talk to the rat spirits and get them to spy for her, maybe.

Lusus: she is an rat keeper,so she may have a lot of lusii

I dunno, it seems like there’s animals outside of lusii on alternia? Like, we see Feferi keeping cuttlefish as pets! So she can probably have some pet rats but only one or two lusii… Though you saying that does make me like the idea of her lusus just being like, a Ratroyshka. Just a tiny rat piloting a bunch of other rats. Her lusus is very hard to kill because you kill it and another, slightly smaller lusus just Emerges.

Personality: she is playfull and loves to steal and sneak on weird places

Try to beef this up a little more. Is she an eavesdropper? I think she could also use a little bit of an interest in food because Rat Associations. Rats love, love, love to eat. Make sure she’s clever, too. Sneaky, good at coming up with plans, and REALLY good at escaping. 

Interests:rodents,sneaking,exploring places,like your hive

Title: thief of void??

Honestly I thiiink she might have to be a life player. Rats are associated with offspring and descendants and that’s a major part of why they’re not only In the chinese zodiac, but also the FIRST one in the chinese zodiac. They’re the progenitor, the beginning. Rats are also associated with plentiful food, and abundant, indulgent food is a common life theme in homestuck. Rats are also associated with energy, adaptability, which are also common life themes in homestuck. 

I think I might place her as a Rogue of Life? She’s a passive allocator, someone who moves and obtains, redistributes sneakily and behind the scenes. Being a trainer kind of helps this, she moves and transfers around the developmental energy for the good of all her little rat friends. In the grander scheme of things, like in the game, it would allow her to transfer developmental energy and lifeforce between her teammates. She could take life energy from herself in order to heal her teammates, or she could take life energy from enemies for the same purpose. Or she could mass LARGE amounts of life energy onto herself in order to make herself very unkillable. Her inverse would be Knight of Doom, which would allow her to use structures and inevitability as a weapon against people when she took life out of the equation. 

Land:hmm

How about the Land of Generations and Ancients. The denizen is stealing the lifeforce from the consorts around him and so the consorts all age, live, and die very quickly. Huxian steps down on planet and within the first day watches an entire generation die. She has to figure out what the heck the denizen is doing and stop him, redistribute the lifespan to the consorts of the planet. And then she has to exploit the denizen’s new weakness and give him a good ol’ stab.

Dream Planet:derse

Since she doesn’t have any themes of dissatisfaction or hiding herself, I think she reads more as prospit! This would theoretically make her sign Arsci, the Medic, but I’m gonna be adapting several symbols together for her instead of just this one. 

Design: 

Horns: I didn’t want to get rid of the ribbons or the rat ear look despite changing her hair, so I made her horns rat-ear shaped and put ribbons around those. 

Hair: I wanted her hair a bit messy- hair that’s messed up is often called a rat’s nest! I also gave her a rat-tail braid. 

Face: Rats have those big shiny eyes, so I gave her huge pupils. Her smile can’t have sharp teeth, since rusts are shown having blunt or nubby teeth. 

Jacket/scarf/shirt: I edited these from Jade’s squiddle outfit and Eridan’s scarf respectively. The Rat Zodiac’s associated season is winter, so I thought it made sense for her to dress like it was winter- that’s probably something I’ll keep in mind with all of your trolls. For that reason, I also gave her a regular top instead of a tanktop. 

Pants/shoes: Her bottoms were edited from Terezi. The shoes are meant to have little buttons on them to continue the mildly wintery look! 

Symbol: I took the circle from Arsci/Tachigami. On top I added the wings from Tachigami’s eyeliner, and on bottom I added the drop lines from the symbol you originally gave her! 

Thank you for sharing. I look forward to getting to the rest of these kids.

-CD

[gingervsblondie]

Blondie Plays Cupid (1940)

1:54 AM, Monday, 25 November 2019

Whoops it’s been more than a month since I did one of these WHOOPS

Been really busy working on my short film for college and I didn’t find time to keep doing this. But now it’s finished so back to the Blondie grind! There was a point a while back where I had the thought “I’d like to be watching a Blondie right now,” so I guess it may have gotten to the point where these are somehow a comfort thing for me. But hey we’ll see how long that lasts when I’m actually watching one again.

This time it’s Blondie Plays Cupid.

1:58

AAAHHH WTF THEY’RE NOT PLAYING THE THEME SONG! I WAS ABOUT TO START TYPING IT OUT AND NOW IT’S DIFFERENT! THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME TO BE THROWING CHANGE AT ME!

2:00

Dick Flournoy is credited in the intro but not on the Wikipedia page. Wonder what the deal is there.

2:02

There’s a bunch of dogs in the Bumsteads’ house chasing Daisy right now. Shenanigans, not important, but one who’s got its head stuck in the pet door just did two barks that were definitely played backwards. I have no idea why they were played backwards, but I’m sure I can hear the echo before them.

2:07

Hey, movie got a laugh out of me!

Dagwood found one of Daisy’s bones in his bed. Dagwood: What have I got in my hand? Blondie: Why, it’s a bone. Dagwood: Oh, I’m coming apart! Blondie: Nonsense, you don’t come apart til you’re 40.

Just looked it up, Arthur Lake would’ve been about 35 when he was playing Dagwood in this. I look forward to seeing him come apart in a few films time.

2:10

The dog’s such a good actor. The way it emotes just by looking where it’s been directed sells the anthropomorphism so well.

2:12

This movie’s called Blondie Plays Cupid, but it’s set around the 4th of July, not Valentine’s day. Future Euan, write in a joke about that, I can’t think of one.

Future Euan Note: What does Dagwood call the day when he has to travel and take his photo of his loving wife Blondie with him? In-da-pendant’s day!

idfk man

2:13

I know for sure that within this blog I figured out why old movie crossfades have abrupt shifts in brightness, but I absolutely do not remember. Guess I gotta re-read to find out.

Future Euan Note - The Empire Strikes Back: It’s because each of the clips are fading to black and then superimposed over one another, so it starts and ends at a different opacity than it was.

2:15

Did paint have glue in it in the 40s? Dagwood’s getting stuff stuck to him because he’s touching wet paint, but that’s not a thing wet paint does.

Future Euan Note - Return of the Jedi: A cursory Google search doesn’t show me any evidence that paint ever had glue in it. 

2:17

Blondie: Gets Dagwood’s foot unstuck from wet paint using a plate. Dagwood: “Now how’re you gonna get the plate off?” Blondie: removes the plate without hesitation and walks off. Dagwood: Looks confused. Inspects the wet paint where she took the plate off. Touches it with his hand. Gets stuck.

What a fuckin’ dumbass.

2:18

Dagwood and Alexander Hamilton Bumstead are hiding fireworks and firecrackers from Blondie, but I don’t really get why. To surprise her? This seems like a bit of a stretch to get in more hilarious misunderstandings that are easily avoided if anyone even for a moment tells the truth.

2:20

Okay, the reasoning is that Blondie made Dagwood promise he wouldn’t buy firecrackers.

So they were going to light off some incognito firecrackers.

Stealth firecrackers.

Yeah.

2:23

2:30

Okay, so: the Bumsteads lit a firecracker by mistake. Shenanigans ensued, and they threw it out the window, exploding the mailman, who was trying to evade being run into. Then, to get his revenge, the mailman bought a second firecracker off Alvin the neighbour and threw it through the door at the Bumsteads.

I think Dagwood accidentally bullied the mailman so hard he became a terrorist.

2:38

Dagwood runs out the door in his boxers Blondie: Dagwood! Dagwood! You come right back here. Dagwood: What is it? Now I missed my bus! What do you want? Blondie: (Holding a pair of pants) Haven’t you forgotten something? Dagwood: What? Blondie: You forgot to kiss me goodbye. Dagwood: Aww.

I forgot that Blondie and Dagwood are a sweet couple sometimes. It’s kind of hard to remember when they joke about her divorcing him CONSTANTLY.

2:46

They just had a bit where Alexander Hamilton Bumstead told Daisy to jump over a suitcase repeatedly. Over and over and over. And each time the footage is played slightly slower until it’s in full slow motion.

It’s times like these where I’m convinced these movies are deliberately trying to put me to sleep.

2:55

Ooh, scrolling ahead, this one has some time spent on a train. That resulted in my favourite Blondie scenes last time, so that’s a good sign.

2:57

Hey, Alexander Hamilton Bumstead just told the truth, handing over a firecracker he was hiding to Blondie without her finding it. That was A) a really sweet moment, and B) really satisfying for someone like me who’s crossing their fingers that the fireworks shenanigans weren’t going to continue into the rest of the movie.

Alright I’m gonna pause and continue this tomorrow morning.

3:07

Hey have you seen Final Space? It's on Netflix in Canada. I really liked the first season and the second just went up. It's an animated sci fi comedy, and my take from the start has been that it's not a very good comedy, but it's legitimately great sci fi TV. Season 2 episode 4 made me giddy, it was fantastic. It's all about half of the main cast's spaceship getting trapped in a "time shard," where time passes differently. So it jumps ahead 60 years where part of the cast is cut off from the rest. And one character has a hologram of his dead father that says whatever he types into it in his father's voice. Which I friggin adore. It's so cool. The whole episode was just cool writing. I want to try to achieve that with the Blondie script I'm gonna write. There were moments when I was writing my Sonic script that were really satisfying because I'd read it back and be like "hell yeah, that's cool writing." I have no idea how to explain that in sane terms. I don't mean the things that are happening are cool. I don't mean the Terminator, in sunglasses and a leather jacket with a minigun. I mean the imagery and the ideas feel new and striking and interesting and COOL, ya know? I think I feel that way about really solid set-ups and payoffs. It makes movies like the Spider-Man trilogy and The Darjeeling Limited where dialogue is repeated to signal character growth really satisfying. Or The Truman Show. I just rewatched that recently and that has cool writing in the form of a perfect beginning and a perfect ending (the light falling from the sky in front of Truman, sparking his suspicions in one of the clearest inciting incidents I can think of, and Truman finding the door at the edge of the world, the single coolest visual in the movie.)

Some would say I should channel this passion into something other than Blondie fanfiction. And they're probably right. I'm gonna go to bed and rethink my life.

Tomorrow Morning, 12:23 PM

Aight back to it.

12:30

They stepped up their visual gag game a lot in this movie. There was just a scene where the Bumsteads are at a train station, and Dagwood goes off to get the tickets, then comes back and gets on the wrong train, and when it shows us Blondie and Alexander Hamilton Bumstead sat on the train, you can see Dagwood on the opposite train through the window, and vice versa. Really good framing. Then when he realizes what happens and runs after the train as it’s leaving, there’s a shot of various things getting knocked into the air as Dagwood barges through the crowd. First it’s some letters, then a spilling suitcase and some balloons, and then a full set of bagpipes flies through the air, still making the sound as if it’s being played just so you get that it’s bagpipes.

12:35

12:36

No-one will be seated during the Dagwood spends a long time trying to find something in Blondie’s purse because it’s so full of junk scene.

12:39

No chill train storytime scenes in this one, unfortunately.

1:15

The shenanigans as they’re unfolding right now are that the Bumsteads hitchhiked with what turned out to be a couple in the midst of eloping, and now the bride’s father has arrived with a shotgun in the middle of the ceremony to try and prevent it.

I like these shenanigans.

1:20

Snort watch 2019:

Blondie and the groom couldn’t get a car started, so the owners’ advice was to turn the switch off and “make like you’re going to get out,” and then right as they’re getting out, the car starts.

1:30

There’s a scene where, while pretending to drive the car, Alexander Hamilton Bumstead inadvertently starts it (by making like he’s going to get out) and starts driving it around as Dagwood chases after him. But every shot they show of the car moving, it’s quite clear that there’s a dummy of Alexander Hamilton Bumstead sat in the front seat.

1:32

He’s still driving the car. This scene feels soooooo looooooong.

1:38

I’ve liked a lot of this one but I’m 10 minutes from the end right now and I want more than anything for it to be over.

1:43

Dagwood punched out shotgun dad. Hurray for punching?

1:47

This movie ends with Alexander Hamilton Bumstead accidentally striking oil with a firecracker.

If this were a video and not a blog, I’d find a way to work in my Daniel Plainview impression. But it’s not. So I won’t.

Milkshake.

1:50

And that’s the end of Blondie Plays Cupid. I rather enjoyed it. I’d have enjoyed it more if the jokes it had weren’t stretched out across an hour and 7 minutes, but what’re you gonna do. I wouldn’t be doing this in the first place if I were watching every episode of a 20 minute Blondie TV series.

My Dagwood Sandwich rating: a sandwich containing ham and cheese. It’s fine. It’s rather nice actually. I’ve had it before many times but hey, it’s been a while.

[teddyylou]

Klangst Week: Day 4 - Death/Injury

A/n: okay i know it’s late but I actually finished this on time and then didn’t upload it. It was assignment week for the last part of the week so I fell behind. When I finish Day 5-7 I post them but just under original writings. I may do a part two of day one on Ao3 and I’ve decided to turn day 5s idea into a slow burn so look forward to that. So here you go, sorry it’s so late. _________________

 "LANCE!!!“ Keith stopped in his tracks and it was if time and space froze too as the sound of his boyfriends name left Shiro’s lips. 

 The wind was whipping around him, kicking up the dirt and rocks from the ground, hitting and dirtying him, making it impossible to hear and almost impossible to see as his fringe under his helmet fell in front of his eyes to block his sight.

 Galra surrounded the team as they fought hard on a captive foreign planet. They were seriously outnumbered and were exhausted to their limits. 

 All of Keith’s senses seemed to be shutting down due to sheer over exertion of himself and he was finding it hard to continue. 

 But somehow, the crackled, deep yell of their leader got through to him and as soon as it registered that Lance’s life was in danger, he whipped around, spinning frantically in circles trying to spot the blue paladin. 

 He searched through several hundreds of purple uniforms, slicing and beating them to clear his path. Three century’s forced him to the ground, sending his bayard out of his grip. He reached frantically for it; it wasn’t until he looked up at the last split second to grab a hold of it again, that he saw the blue clad boy on the ground a mere 50 meters away. 

 He noticed a pair of black armoured feet swiftly jumping around Lance on the floor. Shiro, fighting the Galra away from him at all angles. 

 Keith could only look at Lance on the floor as anger surged through his veins. With a cry of rage he found his balance and pushed his three attackers off him, flying in all directions, knocking down others as his freed himself. 

 With his sword at the ready, griped tightly with both hands, arms bent and braced out I front of him, he charged toward the other paladins; completely destroying anything that got in his way. 

 "Lance, Shiro, I’m coming!” He called out, trying best not to shut his eyes to shield himself from the growing amounts of dirt in the air. Some of it stuck to his face as sweat mixed with tears acted as glue to keep it in place. 

“AGHHHHH!” He yelled out with one final advance, he pushed his way through the seemingly endless ocean of Galra to the small circle that was closing in around the two of his teammates. 

 He broke through, using all of his force. He was flung off his feet and fell to the ground, landing on all fours. Panting and heart beating through his chest, his gaze met lances unconscious body lying huddled over, being defended by Shiro.

 "Lance! Lance I’m here, I’m here.“ He said between breaths as he scrambled over to the Cuban. 

 "Shiro, what happened? What do I do?” He cried through the speaker in his helmet as he hauled Lance’s body into his lap; rocking him back and forth gently trying to wake him up. The black paladin was still fighting and Keith knew he should help him, Shiro was incredibly outnumbered, but he couldn’t leave Lance. 

 "Go! NOW!“ Shiro yelled back through his own speaker. Not once did he stop fighting, not even to make eye contact with the boy. Keith watched him fight, looking at the back of his head as he leaped around. 

 "FIND A WAY OUT AND GET LANCE TO THE CASTLE. HE NEEDS A HEALING POD, ITS THE ONLY CHANCE HE’S GOT!” Shouted Shiro. 

 A feeling of panic set in Keith’s stomach at this. He wouldn’t be able to cope if anything happened to Lance. 

 He looked around but all he could see around him was purple soldiers. The only way out was up.

 Still gripping onto him, Keith tried to pull himself to a standing position brining Lance with him. He was shorter then Lance but he was stronger. Engaging every muscle in his body, he rocked back in his kneeling positing to his toes and pulled with every fibre in his being to pull Lance up too. 

 Carrying all of his dead weight proved more difficult then expected and as he struggled to support himself, a strike to the back sent him strait back to the floor, on top of Lance with his hands trapped under the boy.

 "KEITH!“ Shiro yelled as he decapitated the century that had gotten past him and attacked Keith. 

 "I- I’m trying to activate my jet but I can’t do it!” Keith cried. The suit he wore wasn’t connecting to his signals like usual. 

“I can throw you, the low gravity here can help you. Once your in the air try and activate your jet. I’ll be fine.” Shiro added the last part after seeing the look on the red paladins face at the thought of Shiro by himself.

“I can get out too. I’ll fly and find Hunk and Pidge, I just couldn’t leave Lance. I’ll be fine. Promise." 

With an unsteady expression, Keith wrapped his arms even tighter around Lance who was rested on the smaller boys lap. 

 He braced, biting his lip, letting Shiro grab a hold of the back of his armour. He was so much bigger and stronger then Keith but he still had his doubts that this would work.

 "Ready…”

 "3…”

 "2…“ 

 Keith nuzzled his face into Lances neck to ready himself and because he wanted to hold Lance even tighter then he was and protect him. He also smelt the scent of his cologne through his dirty armour and it was comforting.

 "1!” And with that Shiro hurled them into the air. 

 With a scream they flew high above their attackers. They slowed suddenly and Keith almost forgot what he had to do. It wasn’t until they started speeding downwards again that he tried frantically to focus and get his jets in action.

 They were shaky and kept cutting out, the boys were mere feet from the ground again when the jets finally kicked back into full power and they sped back into the atmosphere to safety with only minor bruises already forming on Keith’s knees when they collided with the armour of a Galra soldier who was trying to fire at them. 

 Gripping on insanely tight to Lance still he looked back down on the surface to find Shiro. He was still fighting strong but he was clearly struggling. Keith worked hard to keep the two balanced as he watched Shiro finally fly away from the herd and back to his lion. 

 They were high in the air now and Keith could feel Lance slipping from his grip. He was out cold still and Keith noticed a red liquid dripping down his face from under his helmet, Keith hadn’t even noticed that before. 

“Oh my god, Lance. LANCE! Wake up!” He yelled, worrying for the Cuban even more, and tried to shake his boyfriend awake again almost losing balance and dropping him altogether. 

 "Wow, just WOW!“ He panicked as he only held on to Lance under his arms now. 

 'Come on Red.’ He thought ‘I need you.’ He tried to use his knees to keep a hold of Lance; bouncing him back up a little. The low gravity was helping but not much. 

 Then out of the corner of his eyes he saw the great red lion approach them telling him that he was safe and a sense of relief washed through him as it opened its gigantic mouth. 

 He could still save Lance.

 __________ 

 "Keith’s what wrong! Why are you back?” Called Allura as the return of the red lion appeared on the ships monitor. 

“Help me please! It’s lance, he’s not Waking up!” Keith yelled back into his helmet. 

 "On our way!“ Reported Allura, implying that Coran and her would be there to greet them.

 As soon as they landed, Keith tried to carry Lance in a sort of piggy back way out into the hangar. 

 "Quiznak!” Yelled Allura as the two Alteans quickened their pace dramatically at the sight of an exhausted Keith struggling under Lances weight.

 They ran and took Lance from him, Allura shut her eyes, growing to almost twice her hight. She picked him up gently, making sure that his bleeding head was supported. 

 "Please save him!“ Keith panted as he fell to the ground. He was so tired. Tears threatened to spill as he sat there and the other two wasted no time. 

 "Not to worry Keith.” Comforted Coran Confidently, “He’ll be up in a healing pod in a few ticks.”

 Allura gave Keith a reassuring smile as she carried Lance away, Coran followed with one last glance at the distressed boy. 

 "It’ll be okay, Keith.“ He whispered before he left too, the metal doors shutting automatically; silencing the entire empty room. Other then Keith on the floor and Red resting behind him, he was alone. 

 Keith finally let himself break down. They had been fighting battle after battle for weeks. He can’t remember the last time he had had a full nights rest. And Lance; if anything ever happened to Lance.

 'No-’ He couldn’t even think about his boyfriend being in danger without starting to tremble.

 Just the image alone of his unconscious body back down on the surface of that planet was enough to make his heart rate pick up. 

 He fell to his side. Letting out loud cries that echoed off the empty walls and high ceilings.

 'Please let my baby be okay. Please!’

 __________ 

 Keith woke to the sound of loud machines hitting the floor that he was passed out on. He sat up slowly and tried to adjust to the light, which shouldn’t be hard in the dimly lit hangar but due to the pounding headache he was suffering from it took a bit longer. 

 It could only be the others returning; did this mean that they had won?

 "Guys. Are you alright?” He asked as the three paladins ran towards him.

 "Yeah, the Galra retreated. We won, just. But we have to let out quick. They are hot on our tail.“ Said Pidge matter of factly. 

 "Princess, we need to get away from them, generate a worm hole, NOW!” Instructed Shiro through the speaker. 

 Keith awaited a response through his own helmet but nothing came.

 "Princess… Allura?“ He tried. 

 "ALLURA WE NEED TO MOVE QUICKLY. DO YOU COPY.” Shiro waited anxiously for a response. 

 After a few seconds of silence there was a small crackle. 

 "Yes, sorry we were just getting Lance into the pod. Generating wormhole now!“ She Rodgered and the available team made there was to the controls room. 

 Just as the four paladins made it to their chairs, Zarkons Ship was getting closer and closer to their un-shielded craft as all power was being diverted to make the wormhole. 

 "We will need to pick up speed if we want to escape him.” Suggested Coran and Allura nodded. 

 Lasers from fighter ships were hitting them at all angles and they were being chucked around in their seats. 

 "The fighters are doing some damage, especially with the shield down, but the main ship doesn’t seem to be firing at all.“ Explained Coran again as he typed furiously at his monitor.

 Keith observed the ship. It did seem to be doing nothing. He sensed that something was off and that something bad was coming. 

 As he inspected the great ship he noticed a ball of light coming from the bottom. It was small but it was gathering up; building bigger and growing brighter. A massive laser that would definitely do major damage.

 "ALLURA!” Keith got the princess’ attention and directed it to the laser just as it was about to go off.

 She pulled viciously at her controls to try and avoid the ray but she was just to slow and the purple beam hit them square on.

 They thought it was all over, they were dead. The laser looked to powerful; it would be evaporated on the spot. But instead they were bathed in purple light as the castle began to loose power.

 "They are sucking the Quintessence out of our ship! Everyone to your your lions. Coran, get slav and make way to a pod. I’ll join you shortly. Voltron can defend the ship from the outside but we need to leave before the laser steals out Quintessence too!“ Shiro Instructed

 The team was in a frenzy. Everyone was rushing to their lions and Keith was just about pushed to the hangar by everyone else before he could even register what was happening. 

 He froze in the middle of the dark hangar. The other paladins were rushing into their lions when Keith’s eyes landed on the one next to his own. They needed to form Voltron but they couldn’t without- 

 "LANCE! OH, GOD, WHERE IS LANCE!!” Keith called out to anyone that was listening. 

 "HE’S STILL IN THE HEALING POD.“ Answers Shiro a string of curses followed after. 

 "We need to get him. I’ll go!” Said Hunk from his lion; but Keith was already out the door, adrenaline surging through his entire body, attempting to get there on foot before it was too late. 

 The castle walls were crumbling and cracking as he made his way through the halls of the castles lower levels. 

 By the time he made it to the pods the roof itself was caving in. He basically slid into the room which was engulfed in the dim red glow of the emergency light source. All of the pods had risen from the floor as they did in emergencies.

 Keith stood in the middle of all of them, searching frantically for the right one. Some were completely destroyed by falling roof. Others had chips in the glass from fighter jets flying past, shooting into the castle. He finally located the blue outline of a human behind the fogged glass of a pod furthest away from him.

 Keith basically threw himself at the Pod in his attempt to reaching it quickly.

   “Lance! LANCE! I’m getting you out of there.” Keith yelled out. Visible rays of Quintessence were flying through the air all around them. It was pure Quintessence he had learnt. Were would it be coming from unless..

  shit. 

 Keith began banging furiously on the thick glass, making any attempt to break his boyfriend free before his life was basically sucked out of him by Zarkon. 

 His merciless cries filled the room with each blow he took his ears filled with white noise unable to concentrate on anything but Lance. But the pod would not budge. 

 He could see lance growing limp, the life of the pod slowly losing its energy along with its occupant, and more lifeless as the glass refused to break.

 "LANCE! PLEASE! GOD! IVE GOT YOU LANCE. I’LL GET YOU SAFE.“ He cried as he reached for his bayard; only to find it not on him. 

 He cursed loudly as the floor shook, crack erupting all around him. He failed to keep balance and fell to the ground. More boys of roof feel all around them narrowly missing him and the pod.

 Keith was running out of options and if he didn’t get Lance out of the pod soon he would be sucked dry and would cease to exist. 

 "NO! NOOO! I WILL NOT LOOSE YOU LANCE. NOT WHEN I ONLY JUST GOT YOU BACK!” He screamed as he held the pod with one had, brining back the other with a fist.

 He closed his eyes and let out a breath. This had to work.

 Gritting his teeth, he punched straight at the glass, falling into it as his fist broke right through. 

 His hand stung like mental and glass went through his glove and into his hand. Blood ran all down his arm and the pod as he ripped more bits of glass away, crying and screaming, making a hole big enough to get lance out.

As lance’s weak body unfroze it fell forward as Lance ceased to wake up. Keith placed both of his bloody hands in Lances white garments. It was only them that the red paladin realised that the hole in the roof meant that Lance would not be able to breathe. 

 He let Lances head fall onto his shoulder as he dragged him out of the pod. He dragged the taller boy along the floor leaving an excessive amount of blood in a trail behind them. He stopped at the next pod still standing and rested Lance in a sitting position against it. 

 'Fuck what do I do?’ He panicked. Lance’s uniform and by extension his helmet was in blue. He would suffocate by the time he got there. 

 He though for a moment. Looking around the crumbling room, shaking and panicking when he thought of something. It was dangerous but it would save Lance and that was all Keith cared about. 

 'The things you do for love’ he thought before sucking in a massive breath and removing his own helmet to place on Lance’s head. 

 As soon as it was in place he chucked Lance over his shoulder. The adrenaline had given him some kind of super strength and energy and still holding his breath, Keith charged across the room and back the way he had came down to the hangars. 

 He tripped and fell numerously as the castle broke apart. Would he get there in time or were he and the love of his life doomed. 

 The lower levels seemed to be the least damaged, he observed through the darkness of the hallways who had lost the light of even the emergency source.

   He was so close to the hangar, but he was slowly losing it due to lack of oxygen. 

 But he had to power through. He couldn’t leave Lance here to die. 

 Relief washed over him as Red came into view through the hangar door. 

 As soon as he could he sucked in the biggest breath he ever had as he laid Lance down carefully in the cockpit. 

 He sat next to him as he caught his breath. Shaking the boy trying to wake him. He was so exhausted that he fell onto the Cuban in his attempts; panting and cursing. 

 Keith was still unable to maintain a steady breathing pattern and the anxiety and worry about the safety of his boyfriend made it unbearable. 

 A hole burst open in the hangar wall and Keith new he had to stand. He had to get up and fly out before the castle was 100% gone. Everyone was batting Zarkon and no one could help him. 

 'Keith’ said red. 'We must leave.’ The craft started to move and tight as the floor below them gave way Red took off, grabbing the uninhabited blue lion in its claws before it fell into space as well. 

 Red told Keith as they flew that she could hear Blues cries for her Paladin. She could sense that there was barely any life left in him.

 Keith looked over to Lance who still bore Keith’s helmet as a breathing assist.

 "I need you Lance. Don’t give up. We need our sharpshooter.“ He whispered. He cuddled into Lances side as Red flew, watching and making sure that lance’s chest continued to rise and fall. There was no possible way to teleport now the castle was gone. 

 He rested his head against Lance’s. 

 "Any plans captain?” He yelled really close to Lances face hoping that the speaker would pick up on his voice. 

 There were lots of crackles and lien buzzes but eventually a voice came through. Keith leaned in closely to hear him. 

 "I’ve got everyone in the escape pod in my lion. We are making a break for it. There is no way to win this battle.“ Spoke Shiro. 

 "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” Yelled Keith. Eyes wide with concern and lack of understanding. They can’t lose, the universe needed them.

 "Keep Lance monitored. We will go into hyper speed and regroup, at the Blade Headquarters.“ 

 "Rodger.” Was all Keith could get out as Red continued to take the wheel.

 "Hear that baby?“ He spoke softly to the boy next to him.

 "You are gonna be okay." 

 As they entered hyper speed, Keith finally passed out from blood loss and plain just having no energy left. He collapsed on the sleeping boy next to him and the team flew to safety.

[cherrywoes]

acanthus. (san.)

REVENGE WAS NOT for Sakura Haruno, she found out, after maybe an hour or so of following Neji’s admittedly sloppy trail through the thinning underbrush and heavy trees of Konoha and into the broad, watery expanse leading to the edges of Amegakure. The ground was perpetually covered in a layer of water, perhaps due to extensive rain, and life had begun to take to it, tadpoles creeping along in deeper pools and Kingfishers swooping down to collect the small fish trapped along with said tadpoles. Sakura had eaten one of those fish when she was forced to stop under rainfall, so hard that it was difficult to see in front of her face—it had tasted far too much like iron, had enough bones that she was constantly picking them from her teeth, and was mostly unfilling as dinner. While a psychotic break was the easiest explanation for the deep desire for revenge, Sasuke coming to the forefront of her mind for that one, it was also the least likely; because for once in her entire life, Sakura found herself unwilling to care.

The moment it had started raining, the warm, humid air coiling around her and setting deep into her bones, she realized, very belatedly, what a stupid idea it was to go after Neji. He had already ‘completed’ his mission to have her killed and left, not waiting around to see the aftermath. She didn’t care that he was just following orders, just like she didn’t care that her entire life was lost to her—well, maybe, she did, just a little bit, Kakashi’s earnest eyes flashing through her mind. He had been, in the end, the only person to truly care about her up until she had left, a direct switch from her genin days that she appreciated. Now he was stuck in a village he knew would turn on him given the chance, all of his students either filled with revenge, hell-bent on an impossible retrieval mission, and living in exile for a war that would be her end. It was a little poetic, really, but Sakura didn’t have a taste—or mind—for poetry.

Stretching out under the canopy of the most decent looking tree she could find, Sakura reached under her mask and rubbed her eyes tiredly. They burned and stung from holding back tears. She would have cried the entire way to Ame if she had let herself, until her tear ducts didn’t work anymore and her nausea threatened to consume her. Ino had always called her ‘crybaby Sakura’ when she got like this, and it was an apt description, she supposed. She pushed her mask up to free her face from the stifling air coming from her mouth and squinted, peering up at the rapidly darkening sky. The rain had yet to let up—

A rustle. Faint, nearly smothered by the rain, and Sakura had barely caught it in time before she was being tackled off the branch she was laying on. Her hands met nothing but air, scraped over what felt suspiciously like an ANBU flak jacket, and when she landed on her spine with a smidge of chakra to cushion her spine, she hooked her leg out from under the ANBU and over his hip, using the force her her movement and anger to roll him over and off of her. He—she decided ‘he’ judging by the grunts—struggled beneath her, one hand punching repeatedly at her ribs that were, thankfully, covered by the flak jacket, and the other coming up the hand she had wrapped around his throat, scratching and clawing. She braced her knees against his hips, brought her free hand back, and slammed her knuckles into the porcelain mask. It cracked and fell apart upon impact—but so did his face.

Blood and brain matter sprayed in a wide arc in the mud around his head, landing on Sakura’s face, hair, shoulders, and dousing her shirt and pants and flak jacket in gushing blood from where the artery in his throat flopped uselessly. What little remained of his bone structure and skin suggested she knew him from somewhere, but she didn’t have time to care; where there was one ANBU, there was another, and clearly someone saw the destruction she had created outside Konoha.

Before she could reach for the pack at his waist, her hands caught her attention. Swollen and red, not just with blood but inflammation, she flexed them experimentally, cringing when stinging pain, not unlike that of a thousand bees, tore through her nerves as the adrenaline ebbed away. It looked as if she had severe rheumatoid arthritis, her fingers curling up and appearing like that of her neighbor’s, Sayu. Biting her tongue, one by one, she began prying them apart from where they were curling against her palm, working them to a semblance of usefulness that was painful, shaky, but would work until she figured out something to keep them from flaring up. In the back of her mind, she knew it was her chakra doing this to her, but why now, when she needed it most?

Grimacing, she blinked away her tears and began rifling through the man’s emergency pack. It was stuffed with blank sealing scrolls, a few high protein bars with better flavor than her nutrigain bars would ever have, a mission statement that she tucked into her inside vest pocket for later, soldier pills, food pills, dark hair dye, make-up, and, for some reason, an ANBU mask. It was nothing like she had ever seen before, the black and white design depicting that of a three eyed crow with crimson red markings upon the brow. It looked like something Sai would have made, with careful artistic touches and well meaning motifs. When she turned it around, there was a note tucked inside just under the elastic band that would hold it to her face. It was on a thick sheet of watercolor paper and her heart stuttered to a stop at the realization of just who had put it there.

Unfolding it, her eyes raked across the writing, Sai’s handwriting, with a frenzy she didn’t know she was still capable of.

‘Ugly,’ it read,’you’ve probably killed the messenger. That’s rational of you. You most likely do not trust Konoha ANBU anymore and I do not judge you for it. You were my only friend after ROOT was disbanded and I will not forget that.’

It was as brief and insensitive as Sai himself, but in her heart, she knew what he meant. Swallowing over the knot in her throat, she tucked the letter into her bra where it would be safe, and transferred her pack and new supplies into the sealing scrolls. As she tucked them into various pockets on her person, she noticed a fresh puddle of blood beneath her feet—blood that did not belong to the ANBU and was quickly mingling with the mud and rain. Her eyes darted to the corpse battered by rain and sinking into the mud, catching sight of a tanto gleaming silver in his hand, already washed clean by the storm. Her hand drifted down to her flak jacket, near her ribs, where she counted fifteen individual punctures, each one clearing through the kevlar and piercing skin.

Sakura tore open her vest and pulled her shirt upwards, scanning over the holes in it and then the decidedly not so small bleeding holes in the right side of her abdomen and near her ribs, narrowly missing her lungs and other organs. Those ‘punches’ hadn’t been fists—it had been the tanto. She didn’t quite feel them like she did her hands, a faint pressure that could have been dismissed as her flak jacket, and an internal sweep that probably did more damage than good told her she needed to get stitches into them and fast. She was almost two minutes into bleeding to her death, but she didn’t feel the typical signs of blood loss—she didn’t even feel lightheaded.

She just felt… tired.

A scan of her inventory revealed no dissolvable stitches, not even sanitary bandages, just gauze and medical glue in a tiny blue tube that was better than nothing. She was risking severe infection like this, but she needed to stop the bleeding somehow, and began stuffing gauze into the larger wounds with muddy and stinging fingers, rain soaking them with possible contaminants. She worked fast despite dark spots starting to form in her vision, gluing the smaller ones first and then pulling out the gauze and gluing the inside of the wound and then pulling it shut. It was medical grade glue, so it would hold until she could get actual medical care—if anyone accepted her at all. Her face was probably plastered all over the bingo books, eliminating her from patient care in any nation. The only one likely to forego that general rule was probably Iwa, but she would never make it in time before her wounds began to fester and the fever would set in. It was highly unlikely she had managed to evade contaminants; she couldn’t even check for poison in her body without her chakra ripping it apart, too. It was just as self destructive as it was destructive in general.

With her vision swimming, Sakura buttoned zipped her vest back up, closing her eyes and sucking in a quiet pained squeak when it pulled against the glue. She didn’t feel any of them tear, luckily, and pulled Sai’s mask over her face, if only to hide her tears from the world.

As she jogged into the trees and headed in a direction she thought a local village still remained, she was oblivious to the crow sitting innocently on a tree branch above her, melting and dissolving into ink when she vanished into the growing dark of the forest.

“She got it,” Sai announced quietly, pulling his awareness from the ink bird and allowing it to fade in the rain. Across from him, Ino sighed in relief, pressing her hands to her forehead and then rubbing her eyes vigorously to hide the tears. Kakashi had taken up a seat at his bare table, but even he could see he wasn’t gripping Icha Icha’s spine quite so harshly. “She killed the messenger, but not before sustaining some severe injuries. She glued them together, but she once told me that—”

“—infection can happen anytime in a non-sterile environment,” Kakashi finished, closing his book and tucking it away into his back pocket. He looked as ragged and run down as both of them, mask slightly askew and his hair not defying gravity as it usually was. Pakkun had voiced several concerns about him since Sakura had left, noting he was colder, harsher, with Tsunade and everyone in general that housed a certain opinion of his former student. “And Ame’s a nasty place when it rains.”

“Sakura’s smart,” Ino steepled her fingers. “She’ll know what to do. There’s a village not far from there, I think, full of civilians—they might help her for the right price.”

“Not for an exiled ninja,” the silver haired ninja intoned grimly. Any relief that had been previously on his face hardened into something a little more serious. He ran a hand through his hair and collapsed back into the chair, staring at the individual grooves in its surface. “Her best bet would be Iwa, but she’d never make it in time. She has twenty-four hours max before infection begins to set in, and Iwa’s a week away on foot. Injured? She’ll never get there.”

“I don’t know what to do.” Sai blinked and shook his head. He could feel… something in his chest pulling and twisting, but had no name for what it was. Not exactly. He would have to consult the books Sakura gave him on emotions when he had the time. Her name, even mentally, made that twisting pain hurt a little more. “I should have gone with her. Maybe then, she would not have been in such a mess to begin with.”

“Sai, no,” the Yamanaka shook her head and stood, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Forehead needs you here. There’s no telling when they might issue another mission if they find out she’s still alive.”

“Ino’s right, Sai.” Kakashi nodded somberly. “We can help her more from inside the village. For now, we all lay low, take missions as normal, and continue on like we have been. If anyone seems suspicious… take them out.”

“T-take them out?” Ino spluttered, whirling around to face the older male, her pale blue eyes wide and surprised. “Shouldn’t we—I don’t know—recruit others to the cause?”

“You know as well as I do, Ino, that not everyone sees Sakura in a good light.” Kakashi rubbed his face, fingers catching on the mask. “Pulling in others is suicide. We don’t know what rumors have been spreading among ANBU, or even the populace to begin with. The only safe person might be Shikamaru, but I have my doubts about him, especially since he’s ANBU now.”

“I agree.” Sai nodded. “Secrets are harder to keep between more people. It’s best we stay like this for now, until we come up with something to keep the council off her back.”

“But what are we even supposed to do?” Ino sprawled back on the couch, arms clenched tightly to her chest over a pillow. “None of us have ANBU clearance anymore, and I doubt they’ll let Kakashi within a thirty mile radius of any classified documents about Sakura—and then there’s Naruto. What if he comes back in the middle of this? What do we even tell him?”

Kakashi considered her words thoughtfully, rubbing his chin over his mask. “Naruto has always been one to see the good in others. He can’t reasonably blame Sakura for her actions and look past Sasuke’s string of murders these last few years; he may just be a gamble we can take.”

“Dickless is out of the village, though,” Sai pointed out. “We don’t know when he will come back. What do we do until then?”

“Learn what we can,” Ino said, throwing a pillow over her face,”and pray we don’t get caught.”

二 (ni) | masterlist | 四 (yon)

[cicadawhite6]

The Secret Life of Rats by Hunter Shea (@huntershea1)

Rats give me the willies. I know I’m not alone in feeling that way. When my kids were precious little darlings, they used to beg me to buy them a pet rat. They got a betta fish instead.

Beyond my natural ‘ick’ reaction when I see a rat’s undulating body loping down a subway track, I also can’t help myself from thinking of the host of diseases that rats carry and spread. You know, pleasant little things like hantavirus, hepatitis, leptospirosis, a fun little malady called Rat Bite Fever, or RBF, Hemorrhagic Fever with Renal Syndrome and this little thing called THE PLAGUE, just to skim the top of a very long list. They are deadly and they are everywhere!

All that being said, as a kid, I was fascinated by any movie that involved rats. Lucky for me, I grew up in a time when some of the best rat movies ever made were hitting the screen, from Willard to Food of the Gods and Ben. I named my hamster Ben. He was the meanest SOB that ever lived, with a taste for human flesh not seen since Jeffrey Dahmer. On a side note, did you know that a young Michael Jackson sang the theme song to Ben?

As a lover of nature gone feral, and sometimes colossal, the rat movies hit me the hardest because they made my skin crawl. I would literally screw myself up in my seat, yet unable to take my eyes off a swarming horde of vermin or rats the size of bulls crawling all over a cabin. I cheered on the giant ants in Them! and the killer rabbits in Night of the Lepus, but man oh man, I wanted those rats to be gone ASAP whenever they came on the screen. For me, they were the ultimate bad guy. Give me the devil and a head spinning possession any day over a box o’ rats.

Doing research for my book, Rattus New Yorkus, I sat down with exterminators to learn more about the very thing I wanted to know less about. It turns out that rats, especially the Norway rats prevalent in New York, are smart. I mean, the kind of smart that keeps me up at night worrying. How smart? If you lay out poison for them, they will send the weakest rat to eat it. Then, they’ll wait and see what happens to the royal taste tester. If it dies, they don’t touch the poison. Scarily, it doesn’t’ take them long to become immune to a new poison. I wish I could adapt as well to White Castle burgers.

They also learn how to avoid traps, that knowledge passed down to other generations. In the first chapter of Rattus New Yorkus, there’s a scene with a crafty vermin devising an ingenious way to avoid being stuck to a glue trap. I wish I had made that up, but it was based on a real life observation. I did not enjoy my time with the exterminators.

Oh, and rats are very, very good at multiplying. The little buggers enjoy making more little buggers, and they make many! A female rat can give birth four or more times a year, popping out a dozen suckers at a time. And it only takes a few weeks for the babies to be ready to make babies of their own. *shudders*

True story time A very good friend of mine had rented a tiny furnished apartment in the suburbs in the 90s. It was a total dive, but he was proud of it because it was all his. The first night there, he fell asleep on the couch. He was awakened when he felt something squirming underneath the cushion. He pulled it up and saw there were rats trying to get out from the nest they’d made wiyhin the couch! To make matters worse, more rats fell on him from a hole in the drop ceiling. He ran out of the apartment and lived in his car for a whole month until he could find a new place.

In this day and age, with exposure to everything on a 24/7 basis, it’s easy to become jaded. Scary books and movies have a harder and harder time eliciting chills to people who can watch a video of a person getting mauled to death by a bear on their phone. You need something that taps an instinctual reflex to cringe. Rats do that for me, and millions of others. If you think you’re NOT one of them, I have the keys to my friend’s old apartment.

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About the Author

Hunter Shea is the product of a misspent childhood watching scary movies, reading forbidden books and wishing Bigfoot would walk past his house. He’s the author of over 17 books, including The Jersey Devil (Pinnacle 2016)), Tortures of the Damned (Pinnacle 2015), and We Are Always Watching (Sinister Grin). Hunter’s novels can even be found on display at the International Cryptozoology Museum. The Montauk Monster (Pinnacle 2014) was named one of the best reads of the summer by Publishers Weekly. He was selected to be part of the launch of Samhain Publishing’s new horror line in 2011 alongside legendary author Ramsey Campbell. His video podcast, Monster Men, is one of the most watched horror podcasts in the world. Living with his crazy and supportive family and two cats, he’s happy to be close enough to New York City to see the skyline without having to pay New York rent.

Website * Facebook * Twitter * Amazon * Goodreads

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About the Book

Rattus, New Yorkus One Size Eats All #2 by Hunter Shea Genre: Horror

They’re Bigger Deep in the sewers of New York City, the rat population is growing. Dr. Randolph Finch is determined to break the cycle. His new rodenticide, Degenesis, doesn’t kill rats. It sterilizes them from reproducing. But nothing adapts faster than a New York rat . . .

They’re Smarter City exterminators and soon-to-be divorced Chris and Benita Jackson think they know how these rats think. They know how rats breed. And they fear that Degenesis has only made these rats stronger. More aggressive. More intelligent. And more ravenous than ever . . .

Tonight’s Dinner Special: Us After a noticeable surge in rat den activity, the Jacksons witness something strange. Without warning, the rats disappear—only to reassemble in a massive lair beneath Grand Central Station. Millions upon millions of them. Working together. Operating as a hive mind. Feasting on the flesh of the homeless below—and planning their all-out attack on the unsuspecting humans above . . .

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Excerpt

It was going on dusk when we got to the restaurant. Business at Pasta 13 was light at the moment. Restaurants didn’t get humming until at least seven on weeknights. I called the owner ahead of time and we met him out back by the dumpster. It wouldn’t do him good for his diners to see a pair of exterminators come strolling inside.

“You were here already today,” he said to Benny. The man was tall and thin everywhere except his hips. He looked nervous, but then he always looked nervous. Owning a restaurant was not for the fainthearted.

“We need to take a closer look,” she said, nodding toward the suitcase in my hand.

“Yes, but please, be discreet.”

“We take an oath of discretion,” I reassured him. He didn’t look reassured.

“Come directly to me if you need anything. My staff doesn’t need to know.”

I opened my mouth and closed it.

If his staff didn’t see the piles of rat shit everywhere, they were either blind or willfully ignorant.

“Let’s go down that one,” Benny said, pointing to the largest burrow. The edges were fuzzy, having snagged copious amounts of hair. That meant it was the road most taken for this nest.

“As you wish, Alice.”

I opened the case and assembled the camera. It looked like a snake that plumbers use to clear drains, with a fish-eye lens on the end. It hooked up to a small monitor so we could see into the den.

This time of day, the rats should have been starting to get restless, but they were more than likely still in the main nest.

“You want me to do the honors?” I asked, the camera poised over the hole. “By all means.”

I once had a rat jump out of a burrow just as I was about to drop the camera down. It landed on my chest, desperate to find the soft tissue of my face. Thankfully, Benny had swatted it away with a spade she’d been using to cover up some of the burrows. She’d managed to slice it in half like a samurai.

Warm rat entrails soaked through my shirt, but thanks to her, I was still pretty.

“Get ready,” I said.

Sometimes, when we went exploring like this, the rats would pour out of the other burrows and swarm around us in a frenzy. Our pants were tucked into our tough leather boots. Benny gripped what she called her swattin’ pole. It had once been a nine iron, the head replaced by a wood block, held on with a half mile of duct tape. What it lacked in esthetics it more than made up for in efficiency. I slowly snaked the camera into the hole. With night vision activated, we watched the black-and-white monitor.

What we saw was very similar to the video from a colonoscopy. Just traveling down a winding, dark tunnel.

A normal rat’s den contained seven or so rats. We had caught three with snap traps last week. Their dwindling numbers, especially if the Degenesis was working, couldn’t account for the growing feces.

“Expect anything,” I said.

“What?”

“Just ruminating.”

I pushed the camera deeper, kicking up a puff of dust deep in the burrow.

A rat’s twitchy face sprang into view. I instinctively recoiled, then recovered in as manly a way as possible.

“Say cheese,” Benny said, standing over me.

“You talk about my tired old witticisms.”

The rat retreated, tunneling backwards down the hole.

I knew I had to hurry up. The other rats would be ready to scatter .

Working the cable as fast as I could, I remotely spelunked, wondering just how far down they had settled in.

In my periphery, I caught a rat leaping from a burrow to my left.

Benny gasped.

“What?”

She pointed at the screen.

“Holy shit!”

I let the camera cable drop as if it were a poisonous snake.

We watched as dozens and dozens of rats writhed over one another. Every inch of the nest was packed with vermin bodies.

“Pull back a little,” Benny said.

“Yeah, yeah.”

I tugged slightly on the cable so we could get a better view.

“Look at all the babies,” Benny said.

“It’s like the maternity ward in Shanghai,” I said.

We were either looking at multiple litters or the granddaddy of all litters.

“What do you think? At least twenty?”

Benny peered at the monitor. “I’d second that. And they all look like they’re from the same generation.”

“I guess there’s no point in saying how impossible that is.”

“You guess right again.”

More adult rats were scurrying out of the holes around us. From what I could see, several had stayed behind in the nest to guard the babies.

“I don’t like this at all,” I said, moving the camera some more to get a different angle. All of it was being recorded.

“They like it less,” Benny said.

The camera’s intrusion had brought about sweeping panic in the nest. I almost felt sorry for the little critters as they sought refuge around the adult guardians.

“I think we’ve seen enough,” I said, pulling the camera out. “I’ll send the file to Ratticus, see what he thinks.”

“Stop, Chris.”

“Fine. Dr. Finch.”

“No. Put the camera down.”

“Why?”

I looked to Benny, whose eyes were wide and darting about. Following her gaze, the camera slipped from my suddenly milquetoast grasp.

We were surrounded by rats. A dozen pairs of marble black eyes locked onto us.

They weren’t running away.

And they were sure as shit not afraid.

Source: http://beauty-in-ruins.blogspot.com/2018/08/the-secret-life-of-rats-by-hunter-shea.html

[the-warmest-hands]

November has come

monday: ran to utegym at polo fields and then ran back. went to spoke easy before they even opened and got a loaner stem, still needa order a real one. stuck my old bars on which kinda fit? (later on i tried to gun it on balboa bump and handlebars moved, soooooo maybe it doesn’t fit) went to school on that shit anyway no bar tape, so cold bars. COLD BARS COLD HANDS in arch worked on science room with ray, it was good and we made progress tuesday: sore from utegym cuz weak, did stretch (eric goodman), went to volunteering where i shoveled a hundred loads of wood chips and got a blister from hauling wheelbarrows of that shit. it was fun af tho cuz strong and also fatigue then went to work where it was chill af and the perfect amount of orders also it was halloween and i ate some candy. also sayaka put a eyeball bow in my hair cuz i was looking very unfestive wednesday: decided to be lazy and not go to utegym. then dressed super nice (in emily’s clothes) and didn’t even bike to school but i looked fly as fuck!!!!!!! and then got nothing done in arch. bussed home and read more of jacques pepin memoir which was so fucking good then biked to work more perfect level of work then biked home in less than 5 minutes cuz im fast af

damn im tired

tomorrow gonna utegym. gotta get dem abs #swimmerBodNoSwim also it’s november also work is dope yo fuckin dig that shit

thurs: no utegym cuz woke up late. dragged my ass to volunteering. then work. chill timez friday: utegym! then trip planning and quick stop at spoke easy to order replacement parts. then work. work was good. j is back

saTURDay: transplanting at OH50 / work 4 dayz

sunday: BUILD TABLE went to discount builders for studs, carried them the 4 blocks to noisebridge, measured and cut our pieces, then sanded, then started nailing shit together. coulda done a better job planning cuz we then had to use wood glue cuz we didnt want to have the screws be visible. clamped and left it there to dry

monday: science room with ray at enchante, then bussed to noisebridge to meet emily and do minor sanding. took table home via uber

tuesday: volunteering (tired af) trapping gophers! / work (still tired af)

wednesday: school? what the fuck i don’t even remember cuz i’m tired af hung out with ray and we got no work done because we were just talking about food (and now i have to do a million fucking things), then work which was brutal

thursday: biked to get various errand shit in potrero hill / discount builders since we were going that way anyway and apparently every other hardware store is like $$$$$$$ because fucking idfk, bought some pants at xroads cuz one of my two pairs of jeans ripped on tuesday (in the bikeseat crotch area, same demise as all previous pairs of pants) (maybe i should get a new saddle) (with what money tho) (but actually maybe) then went to work which was brutal also now i’m home and uhh i have to do homework

also since i like to be stressed all the goddamn time i’m going to spend all of my free time browsing requirements for grad school

why

why do this

i never even fucking browse internet anymore

because i am literally never on my laptop

because i have no goddamn time

this year is almost over

plz hurry

oh also splurged and got myself a croissant at arsicault finally (seriously i needa stop going to places just to buy shit for other people and not buying anything for myself??? DO THEY EVEN DESERVE IT) (but also seriously stop. i have no money for this) (also got emily one too cuz i mean, almond croissant? that had her name on it) (but also seriously. poverty rules everything around me. PREAM) (ok i want to die bye tumblr) (also misha are u happy w these xanga-esque angst posts LMAO all 4 u bro) (jk i know u have no time to read my bs)

also been listening to rly dope music lately like ACE OF BASE the best this shit gonna get me thru the rest of 2017 like how 3EB got me thru every programming job ever (”got me thru” aka “kept me from quitting even sooner” LMAO) goodbye tech forever goodnight moon

friday: wtf day even is it woke up worked on science room cuz ray couldn’t meet up for whatever reason who gaf (but also prolly i was more productive since i didn’t waste a hundred hours chatting) listened to a lot of ace of base a lot still listening to ace of base actually then went to work after i spent a hundred hours doing 1 insignificant af thing

work was ok started slow, then more orders, also ate a lot of candy in effort to stay alive talked to bosses after work and they said i was doing a good job but also seem to always be in a trance whenever im prepping. aka being slow af. okkkkkkk i will work harder on this also im dying and im prolly gonna cut OH50 tomorrow because i honestly can’t or i could just take the bus there and bring my laptop and work on science room project or i could not take the bus there and just work on science room project at home

i needa ride my bike on monday at polo field im dying

i need to clear my head

saturday: k i cut OH50 because i frankly couldn’t be bothered, and also did fucking nothing broke my window cuz i sat on it while putting up lights so now i have to fix this also my phone for some fucking reason isn’t charging so i have to figure out wtf is going on there uh work was good idk bosses gave me birthday gifts