#who am i supposed to fuckin vote for in the general election if not the only person i think has a real chance of winning at this point?

[qqweebird]

“dont vote for joe biden” okay then WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO! people keep harping on this over and over, but what am *I* meant to do that will actually change anything that isnt like, full scale revolution??? i dont want to vote for mr senile rapist either but what else am i fucking meant to do??? in all those posts berating people for thinking “hey maybe i just need to vote for the person who ISNT trump, that way we arent stuck with him again,” i havent seen one person actually say, you know, what you should do instead?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #217

“roses are red, and my heart is black. we creep about the floor to indulge like rats.”

Do you know anyone who works in a laboratory? No. What was the very first social media site you signed up for? MySpace. Can you see yourself marrying your current partner? (if you have a partner) Easily. If you were in a coma, who would be making healthcare decisions for you? My mom. Are you the type of person who knows exactly what they want in life? Not entirely, but mostly. Do you have commitment issues? Not at all. What was the last thing you had an allergic reaction to? Silver. Have you gone out to dinner in the past week? No. What’s something you’ve done that sounds too crazy to be true? The only thing I think someone would actually find "crazy" would be I've been in a psychiatric hospital five or six times (I seriously can't remember). Are there any flowers planted outside your house? No. Well, not by us. There's a camellia tree by our back door that we didn't plant. What’s the weirdest decoration you’ve seen in someone else’s home? I'unno. I generally don't find decorations strange. Spice up your house with what you like. Did you have your own bathroom when you were growing up? No. Do you know anyone who never disciplines their children? I know of people. What’s the longest you’ve gone without leaving the house? Weeks. Are you more of a practical thinker, or more of an imaginative thinker? I think I can be on either end depending on the situation. Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad does. How well do you know your neighbors? I've never interacted with the ones to the right of us, but Mom knows the woman to the left, and she's apparently very nice. Mom was talking about her just the other day about how she always brings our trash can back to the fence, actually. How far are you into the book you’re currently reading? N/A Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? I don't believe so, at least not permanently. Do any of your exes know each other? Jason and Juan did. Girt and Jason know each other because of me; we all hung out a few times. It's both funny and sad now to know how friendzoned Girt was... ha ha. Sorry man. What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? "Dinosaurs didn't exist." What the fuck are fossils then, bitch. What was the very first election you voted in? I haven't voted in any yet. Do you know how to make omelettes? No. I could probably figure it out, but I don't know for sure. What is your favorite summer month? Fuck summer. What do you want to be for Halloween this year? One of the witches from Hocus Pocus would be super cool, but yeah, I don't have the money to even try to make a costume. Do you have a desk in your room? If so, do you use it as a desk that you sit and work at? No. Do you wear band tees? if yes, which one is your favorite? Yes. I love my Metallica one. It's got a really cool design. Would you ever want to live in a home with all-white walls and furniture? "Not white furniture, no. That seems like it’d be a pain to keep clean." <<< Definitely. Do you have pajama days often? I'm literally always in pjs unless I have to leave the house and get out of the car. There's no point in changing otherwise; I'd just be creating more laundry. What is one thing you’re behind on? Instead of the usual "life in general" answer, I'll make it more interesting. RP. Jesus fucking holy Christ, I am over a year behind in SO MUCH because I just haven't had motivation, all the while plots have grown like mad. Thank god my partners are really damn patient, lol. And/or have other business, too. Do you ever re-arrange your room? No. I HATE moving/changing shit. Do you share a room with anyone? No. Who was your first roommate? Jason, Jacob, and Amanda. What season do you want to get married in? AUTUMN!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Frosting: chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate. Ice cream: chocolate or vanilla? Vanilla. Milkshake: chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate, more often. Do you drink protein shakes? EW that shit mad gross. What was the last type of candy you ate? Uhhhh what was it. I don't have candy a lot now, so uh... I think Airheads? What was the last craft project you completed? It was VERY weakly a "craft," but Sara's first Valentine's Day present. Which is better: starting things or finishing them? Finishing. I start things all the damn time and never finish them. What is the highest name-brand thing you own? Good question. What color GameBoy did you have as a kid? Red. What was your favorite GameBoy game? Hm. I liked a lot. We had a whole case of different ones. I suppose maybe the Spyro one I could never get far into. But I liked it anyway because yeah. Spyro. What was your favorite Backstreet Boys song? "The Call" probably tops the list, but also you're full of shit if you thought "Larger Than Life" wasn't a fuckin BANGER. Damn, "The Shape of My Heart" was great, too. BSB were/are just great, man. Did you ever wonder what it felt like to get slimed? Ha ha you mean like on Nickelodeon? Yup. Did you ever name a pet after an imaginary friend? I never had one. Do you believe in angels and demons? I don't know. I believe in spirits, but I don't know about actual angels and demons. Do you have a PayPal account? No. What race do you consider yourself? ... You can "consider" yourself a race? You don't get to pick that. Whatever, I'm Caucasian. Should unwanted animals in shelters be killed to make room? Fuck that shit. Should cows be killed for human food? See, this is why I want to return to vegetarianism. TECHNICALLY, no. It's murder upon a conscious, feeling, living being. But at the same time, humans are designed as omnivores, and surviving off of a plant-based diet is, sadly, extremely difficult. It's difficult to obtain the proper nutrients and their advised amounts to be healthy. Therefore, I can't confidently answer this question. I wish they didn't have to be, but human civilization would have an incredibly more difficult time continuing with all meat products removed for consumption. Does the technique used to kill an animal matter to you? I mean if I KNEW, yes, but at least from the research I've done, there's no real "humane" method used to kill livestock. Most live in awful conditions/are already unhealthy, too, and that should matter . Should farmers be allowed to cause suffering in animals to save money? Fuck off. Should production of medicines be justification to cause animals to suffer? No. We neeeeeeed to find other ways. Use pedophiles or some shit. Should violence against animals; such as rodeos/ bullfights be legal? Fuck to the hell no. I get some kind of dark pleasure out of hearing about shitheads being gored and stuff for it, honestly. Should homosexuals be allowed to work with children? This shit pisses me the fuck off. Of course they should be. Like I'm sorry, but your children aren't going to be hidden from them forever. Do you believe homosexuality is caused by genetics? Well yeah. You don't get to choose your sexuality; something has to be responsible. Are Americans are truly free, or suffering from controlled freedom? CONTROLLED FREEDOM JFC TRY TO DENY IT. Are there other countries that offer more personal freedoms? Not that I KNOW of. Like yeah, my above answer clearly states I think America could be better, but I don't know I place where it's actually better. Do you trust your government? Fuck no. They hide a lot of shit. Should religious beliefs outweigh science in the making of laws? Lolololololol no, hunny. Separation of church and state. What is one moment that you missed out on that you wished you didn’t? Hm. OH, that solar eclipse that happened I think last year? We saw nothing here. :< Do you or have you ever had braces? For a long time. Got them on, then didn't have the money to take them off for a while. Can you text? Yeah, but not quickly. I am - usually - very thankful for autocorrect. Have you ever had a nervous breakdown? OH BOY HAVE I!!!!!!!!!!!! What are you scared to death of? My mom dying, for one. I DO NOT know what would happen to me. Are you good at art? I'm told so at least; I'm aware I'm at least decent. It also depends on the art form. Are you afraid of needles? Nah. What TV show is the stupidest to you? I honestly had a really big problem (and have, if it's still even on) with the Teen Mom series. Yes, I do in fact believe it made looking like one cooler and more normal than it is. Do you hate being ignored? Yes; I start to think I'm not cared about, badly. Especially if it's family or "friends." Like no, I don't at all expect attention constantly, or even a lot of it, but I think it's only natural people who claim they love you should not pretend they don't know you, particularly when you actually reach out. THEN it hurts. Where do you currently live? North Carolina, please get me out. Do you like marijuana? I wouldn't know. Do you donate to charity? I can't. I seriously don't have money. Where is your favorite place to go out to eat? Olive Garden. What is your favorite TV station? Discovery. Do you think you’re clever? No. Did you wear socks today? No. I avoid wearing socks as much as I can. Know any magic tricks? I don't remember the ones I learned as a kid. Do you sleep well most nights? No. When’s the last time you baked a cake? Never. What’s your preferred frozen snack? Ice cream, yum. Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? CLEAN. It inspires me to do well and with an organized strategy. Do you know any vegans? I don't believe so. Earphones or headphones? I personally prefer earphones since they go into the ear and are just more comfortable than a weight on your head that can move easier. Do you like bananas? Yeah, but the timespan in which I enjoy them is short. They have to be "perfect." What’s a film you’ve seen that confused you? I know there are some, but none are coming to me curr- WAIT NO okay so I saw Warcraft when it came out into theaters, and I barely understood a single thing because the orcs' voices were way too deep. I need to rewatch it with subtitles. Do you ever wear black lipstick? I pretty much always do if I wear lipstick. What would you change about yourself appearance-wise? HEY can I Please fix my fucking weight??? Because I do like everything I can do already & nothing works??? :') How long do you normally spend in the shower? Just short of ten minutes, I think. If you were to get a tattoo, what would it say or what would the graphic be? *opens novel of ideas* Don't make me pick just one. When trick-or-treating as a kid, was there any kind of candy that you didn’t like to get? Tootsie rolls, ew. What is your favorite memory of Christmases past? The time my mom, sisters, and I went to a Christmas light show one night, and we got back to the car only to realize Mom left the keys in there. Sooo while we waited for my drunk dad and brother to come help us, we all chilled on the car's hood with chocolate covered peanuts and THE best hot chocolate. That place is no longer around, and I'll forever be mad tilted about it. What is the most outrageous thing you’ve done for God? Lmfao remember the days I denied evolution and gay rights? Them were the wild times. When you were in grade school, what did you want to be when you grew up? Why? First, paleontologist because I adored (and still adore) dinosaurs, then a vet as I wanted to help animals. In high school, it changed from movie director to game designer. Name the most famous person you’ve had a face to face encounter with. No one. If you could spend 15 minutes with any living person, who would it be and why? Um like have y'all ever heard of this guy named Mark Edward Fischbach because I have time to enlighten you of all the reasons- What article of clothing most closely describes your personality? Pj pants, lmao. Who was your hero when you were a child, and what did you do to be like them? Steve Irwin. I adore animals in general, push very firmly for conservation, and madly support proper education of wildlife, especially your local kinds. How did you learn to ride a bicycle? I had a bike with training wheels at first, then my dad took them off and would jog alongside me, holding the bars and then releasing them after a few moments for me to go on my own. Repeated 'til I got it! Based on something you’ve already done, how might you make it into the Guinness Book of World Records? This is going to be VERY embarrassing to share, but fuck it. I have so little reason to leave my bed that my legs have actually experienced muscle atrophy. My knees especially are extremely prone to awful pain when standing or walking. I don't really have a way to exercise in this tiny house, my road is too sketchy to walk along, and at least this time of year, I physically can't handle the heat if I was to walk in the back yard. I'm dying to go somewhere where I can swim to fix this shit. I could ramble on forever about how painful it is to be on my feet. I'd be happy enough with even just a treadmill. When was the last time you did something for the first time? What was it? Hm. I guess foreplay with a girl. I don't exactly experience new things much. What is your concept of a fruitful day? Actually doing productive shit. If you could rid the world of one thing, what would it be? Violence. What is your best personal characteristic? I am like, incredibly passionate. If I believe in something, you'll know. If I love something, it's to an insane degree. If you had to enter a competition for the “Most Uselessly Unique Talent,” what would your talent be? Being able to hide my thumb under my palm to where it looks like it's entirely non-existent lmao. What is your worst personality characteristic? I am VERY sensitive. I also have a hard time taking criticism without beating my ass up because I feel like I did something "bad." I don't get defensive, I just get hurt. Man, I could go on. There's a lot I don't like about myself. If you had to be a teacher of something, what would you teach? I'd be most interested in teaching science. How would you like to be remembered? I loved ferociously and spoke strong of peace. What is one thing that you constantly think about (other than material things)? The future. Does your country have free healthcare? *points at top five list of things America needs to fucking fix* Does your job allow visible tattoos? N/A How is your road rage? I drive so timidly and rarely that I don't think I really even have a clue. Who are your closest friends and how did you meet them? I'll exclude Sara as she's more than "a close friend." I don't have many close friends otherwise tho, so really... I think only Girt applies. We met in high school band. Well, then there's Alex, but considering she now acts like I don't exist as well, I don't know how close we really are. But anyway, we met in WoW because we were both camping the time-lost protodrake and talking w/ others in the general chat... but she and I really clicked. That was an awesome day. Started some damn adventures with her lmao. Are you still cool with any of your exes? The only two who may still have a problem with me are Jason and Tyler, but I have no bad feelings towards them. What Hogwarts House are you in? I took quizzes once for a survey because I was curious, but I couldn't answer most of the ones I found bc they had HP references I didn't get. But anyway, I think Hufflepuff and Gryffindor were pretty much tied. What’s the next special event in your life? Returning to school. :') Whose birthday is coming up soon? My nephew's. :''''') Do you delete people from Facebook if their views are vastly different than yours? It depends on the views and their severity. Usually I can handle averse opinions if you're actually a friendly person and composed and mature about what you believe and how you express that. What’s your favorite thing to put on bagels? Cream cheese. What’s the most important key on your key ring? I only have one, and that's to my house. What was the last argument you got in about and who was it with? AHAHAHAAHAHA okay so. There was a video on FB of a pet meerkat having its belly rubbed, and it was chirping happily. It was very cute, but especially because this video was on a big page, I commented how awful and unhealthy of an idea it is to have a pet meerkat for both it and yourself. It's illegal in a lot of places for good reason. I got a lot of agreement, but of course there was one imbecile who disagreed enough to tell me to shut the fuck up. Now I am normally very, very terrified of confrontation or even the HINT of it, but for once in my life I couldn't have been more unfazed. At what age did you start picking out your own outfits? I don't know. I've come to find via surveys that I can't really remember events by ages. How spicy do you like your food? Pretty spicy. Spicier than most like, but I don't enjoy it when it's just pure pain. What was the last really intense pain you felt? You know that awwwfuuuulll pinch of pain you sometimes get in your ribs when your lungs expand to a certain, small amount? That. I couldn't take deep breaths for anything. What is the best thing that’s ever happened to you? Recovery from the breakup. What are three things you have been a victim of? Uhhhh. Idk, nothing major. What is your passion? Wildlife conservation, probably more than anything. When was the last time you truly felt alive? Ha, good question. How many siblings do you have? Technically six, but I don't know one at all. Are you married? No. Are you dating someone? Yeah. If not, do you wish you were dating someone? N/A Do you want an indoor or outdoor wedding? I'm not sure. What states (or countries) have you lived in? Just one. Does your first crush know you liked them? No. Do you wish on stars? Nope. Are you happier now than you were 10 years ago? I don't know. I can't really remember exactly what I was like at 13. I think I'm maybe happier now? Are you happier now than you were 5 years ago? Yes. ^If not, why not? N/A ^If yes, why? My depression is under control. Do you live in your dream house? Definitely not. What was your first job? Sales clerk at GameStop. ^Did you like it? No, thanks to feral social anxiety. Have you been bullied? No, very thankfully. What do you wish people knew about you? I sincerely care about my loved ones, a lot, even though I have trouble being the one to reach out first. What health issues do you have? A lot. Don't even feel like putting them all together. Do you still cross paths with your first crush ever? No. What is your favorite Bible verse, and why? None. Do you have a secret nobody knows? Yes. It's nothing major, just little things I don't want to share. Who are some of the most selfish people you have ever met? I don't know. Is there anyone you want back in your life? Yes. What color was the house you grew up in? True shit, I somehow don't remember for sure. I think it was brick? What was the name of the first pet that you loved? Charcoal, a cat, was the first pet I had a serious, deep bond with. Do you receive more insults or compliments? Compliments, I guess. Do you meditate? No. Do you pray? No. Have you ever seen a spirit/ghost/shadowy figure, etc.? I've sure as hell seen something. What would you ask a genie for, if you had three wishes? World peace, end of disease, and the end of poverty. When someone messages you and you know it’s going to be rude, do you ignore it and not read it, or do you read it and reply? Honestly, most of the time, I ignore it. I am so, SO sensitive, so my feelings are super easily hurt by what others have to say. Do you find online drama stressful? Yes. Even more than irl drama because you have to wait painstakingly for them to reply, and you can't hear their tone of voice. How stressful is your life? I'm pretty damn stressed for someone who's trapped inside their house lmao. Was any of your home decor inspired by Pinterest? No. Do you do yoga? No. What is something you have tried and hated? Oral is NOT my jazz. Do you have regrets? Yeah. Are you mad at someone? No. What is this month’s calendar picture? I don't have a calendar. What is your last ex-boyfriend’s or ex-girlfriend’s name? Technically Donald. Do you have an ex-friend that you miss? Yep. What color do you want your wedding dress to be? Most likely black. Would you rather go out for pancakes or steak? Pancakes. I like them more in general, and I'm also suuuper picky with steak. What’s your favorite Ramen noodle flavor? The only kind I've ever liked is the Yakisoba brand of spicy chicken. How do you feel when you read the Bible, if you read it? Encouraged? Angry? I don’t read it. Have you ever suffered from anxiety? I had some anxieties as a little kid, and I was officially diagnosed with it in the 6th grade. Have you ever suffered from depression? Since the 7th grade. What is something a lot of people like but you don’t? Pie is what came to mind first. What’s an uplifting song you like to listen to? "High Hopes" by P!ATD. Think about the person you fell hardest for. Why do you think your feelings for this person were so strong? How is he/she different compared to everyone else you’ve had feelings for? Well, he was my first real love. They're always special. I was fucking crazy for him, and it grew to an unhealthy degree. Trust me, you can love too much. He made me happy when so few could back then, and we had a connection unprecedented in my whole life. He himself felt like my home. I could write you a goddamn novel on why I felt so strongly. Have you ever caught your friend cheating on their boyfriend/girlfriend? If you have, what did you do about it? If you haven’t, what do you think you would do? No. Quite honestly, I'd tell them. I could NOT keep that a secret. Whether they believe me or not, I'm not withholding that from them. When your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else? I know this technically sounds bad, but Sara and I started dating the day after I broke up with him. One of the reasons we split is because I realized I liked her. It was so quick because I never had to "move on;" I never came to be truly interested in him romantically. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to sleep last night? Do you remember what you talked about? Sara and I were texting, but I don't remember about what. When are you at your happiest? When I'm with Sara. How many people have you kissed? Three or four. I don't really remember if I ever kissed Girt. How many of those people are you still friends with? Two. Where did you go, the last time you left your house? Mom and I went to multiple places. She had errands to run. Do you like your singing voice? Rarely. I think it fits only a few songs. Are most silences awkward for you? UH-HUH UH-HUH. Name someone you wish you had never met. Why? Jabari. He was scary and almost assaulted someone in my family. Who has the nicest singing voice, that you know personally? Probably Sara. Say something nice about someone you really don’t care for: He loves his kids to death. Ever won school awards? Yes. Do you drink more soda than anything else? Not anymore, thankfully. Do you curse a lot? I curse possibly more than anyone you know. Have you ever been in a courtroom? Yes. Do you eat a lot around Thanksgiving? No. I actually don't like 99% of Thanksgiving food. Were you a chubby child? No. Are you afraid to sing in front of people? Yes. Do you enjoy your family? Yeah. When did you last dance with someone? I forced Sara to last June lmao. Do you feel awkward watching sex scenes? VERY. Did you ever have senior photos done? No. Are your parents protective of you? Mom is for sure. I don't see my father much, and he's changed a LOT since the divorce, so I can't really answer for him. I know he is to some degree, I just don't know how much. Have you ever been bullied? I've had some mean shit said to me, but I don't believe I've ever really been consistently "bullied." Do you ever help decorate during the holidays? No. I just don't have the motivation and don't really care enough to put things up that're only coming down in two months. Do you have carpeted floors? Only my room and my sis's old one. Can you count to ten in another language? German, yeah. Have you ever been arrested? No. Do you always lock your door at night? Yeah. Do you get allowance? No, never did. Do you have a Facebook? Yes. Do you enjoy the presence of children? In most cases, no.

[house-of-crows]

And see, here’s the thing: I am in NO WAY saying that all Trump supporters are “decent people who were lied to.” Neither am I saying that people like your example don’t exist. They do. And they’re bigoted, and personally I wish they didn’t exist. 

THAT SAID. 

The combined groups of people who are generally decent upstanding people with outdated views, generally cringe-y but tolerable, and ‘passively’ bigoted because they can’t be assed to learn differently... make up a majority of those states, in my personal experience. And those people, when confronted with the choice to vote for someone with arguably better moral judgment; or at least the sense to appeal to a more “PC” society; or someone who caters to their concerns; or at least the sense to pretend to; they’re going to choose the one that doesn’t challenge their views and; at least pretends; to give a fuck about their lives. 

If we want to change that, we’re going to have to stop it with the 100% Pure Or Nothing rhetoric. We’re going to have to start choosing the lesser of two evils, and getting used to that NOW. No one is Pure. No one is Ideologically Perfect. And when people start voting by the issues that affect THEM, PERSONALLY, because that’s their fight and that’s the hill they might actually fucking die on.... if no one cares about what they’re going through other than the Worst Candidate?  As we saw in 2016, the Worst Candidate wins. 

Your trust is yours to do as you wish with. I understand where you’re coming from. I’m also pretty damn mistrustful of anyone who voted for Trump; I’m a gay poly transmale in south fuckin’ Texas. You bet your ASS I’m wary around Trump supporters!! But... some of them? People in my home town, where I grew up...? The people who’ve come to me and apologized outright for harmful shit they said in highschool, for not supporting me when I moved out, for using religion to brow-beat me...? Yeah, we can TALK. We can have a rational discussion about things. Because I know how they grew up, and I know what they’re facing, and I can accept that, yeah, shit in the Midwest kinda fucking sucks right now... and it’s not all neo nazis and racists out there. 

It’s decent people who moved out of their parent’s homes and into Section 8. It’s people who got foreclosed on and can’t even afford the trailer grandma lives in. It’s farmers forced into the city and off their land because of Monsanto and other corporations. It’s layoffs across the board. It’s paycuts and bad unions and tax breaks that never work how they’re supposed to....

And after years of politicians giving literally no fucks about what they need or want, and still regulating the holy hell out of them.... being told someone’s gonna ‘drain the swamp’ and cut the tape that’s keeping them from succeeding...? It looks an awful lot like hope. And yeah, I believe that a lot of decent people got suckered. I also think, in some ways, they deserved it for not electing an experienced politician who can actually get shit DONE, over an idiot that makes us all look even WORSE on the world stage than we already do~ But. 

We’ve got two years to figure out how the fuck to avoid this next election.

[ismokeitsite]

i ate some funky edibles and i think they transported me to another fucking dimension

i ate some funky edibles and i think they transported me to another fucking dimension

1. the worms

something real fuckin weird happened to me a few days ago. a lot of you aren’t going to believe it, but i've got photo evidence to back up my story, so i'm just gonna start from the beginning.

last friday, i got home from work and decided to eat some edibles, some wormy-looking gummies. i'd gotten em from one of my work mates and he told me to only eat a couple. "these are some dank little lads," he kept saying. but i'd had a stressful day so i snarfed down three of them bastards. i turned on some music and plopped onto the couch with my laptop to do some brain-dead web browsing.

right as I sat down, my phone buzzed, and when i picked it up i noticed something was wrong with my home screen. a few of the apps looked like they were somehow... torn? like right down the middle. and in the spot where i usually keep my google maps app, there was just a blank space. as far as i know you can't intentionally leave spaces in between apps on the ios home screen, so i actually took a screenshot of it.

https://i.imgur.com/AG8v087.png

i started messing around with the "torn" apps to see if there were any other funky issues with them. none popped up, so i exited the app and then decided to tap the empty spot where my maps app normally goes.

my phone didn't react to the touch, but a moment later i noticed the song playing on my spotify playlist had changed. it sounded like "band on the run" by wings, but somehow distorted, sped up, with extra instruments backing the track. it was a fuckin banger of a remix so i sat there singin along to it while clicking around between different websites. bein a bit of a news junkie, i typed in theatlantic.com

this is what i saw.

https://i.imgur.com/MXtz3vK.jpg

i sat there thinking... president jobs? at first i figured the atlantic had a new nickname for trump, what with him always goin on about adding jobs to the economy. but then i noticed the little photo of steve jobs in the top right corner.

that's when i decided to do a google search.

https://i.imgur.com/a9xIgIL.jpg

at this point, i started actually freaking out. i went back and took photos of the tabs i'd already opened.

i opened a hundred news stories, wiki pages, reddit threads, youtube videos. they all told the same story.

either i was completely tripping balls, or steve jobs didn't die in 2011. he got treatment for his cancer early enough to stop it. after he got better, he left apple and started getting more involved in politics. he ran against clinton and sanders in the democratic presidential primaries, and won. he then ran against donald trump in the general election, and beat him by just a few electoral college votes. steve fucking jobs was now the 45th president of the united states.

on youtube, i did a quick search for "steve jobs donald trump debate." a video from nbc’s youtube channel appeared.

so i watched it. all 99 minutes of it.

2. the debate

trumpets blared as images of steve jobs (older looking, yes, and now sort of fat) and donald trump flashed across the screen. jobs tinted blue, trump in red.

hands shaking, i snapped the picture below:

https://i.imgur.com/KrDuctC.jpg

the feed cut to lester holt, seated at a bigass desk directly in front of the stage. as he explained the rules of the debate, the camera panned to reveal the scene. sure enough, there jobs was at stage-left, slightly hunched, his fist at his chin, eyes downcast. across from him, trump stood statue-still, gripping the edges of his lectern tightly. trump glared over at jobs looking like he wanted to say something to his opponent. jobs didn't seem to be aware of him. he was lost in his own thoughts.

lester invited the candidates to give their opening statements.

jobs went first. to be honest, he sounded like a republican to me. he talked about the need for deregulation of business and growing threats from the chinese. he called for a new “space race,” this time in the realm of artificial intelligence. as he spoke, he began pacing rapidly.

“the people of the world don’t know what they want,” jobs said. “the world needs leadership, for someone to show the right way forward. so america has a choice. we can waste our energy on vain attempts to return to the year 1950, or we can take responsibility for designing the world of 2050.”

trump’s opening statement was exactly as i remembered it from when i watched him debate hillary clinton live two years ago. he spoke about america’s crumbling infrastructure, its bad trade deals, its wasteful wars. he vowed to Make America Great Again. wrapping up, he declared himself to be “the law and order candidate," and "the candidate who will defend family values.” after pausing to let that line sink in, he said, “i know how important it is for fathers to stick around and raise their children.”

i thought that was a pretty nasty angle. pretty much everybody knows that jobs’s birth parents gave him up for adoption, and that jobs himself had rarely been there for his daughter, lisa.

“mister jobs, you get the first response,” lester said.

jobs stepped forward, glaring at trump. in a quiet voice, he spoke:

“you want to talk about fatherhood?” he said. “my birth father gave me nothing.” jobs spat the words.

“you, though. you would be nothing without your father.”

then jobs strode, long arcing steps, across the stage, stopping near some imaginary dividing line in the middle, a finger aimed directly at trump.

“you claim your father only ever gave you ‘a small loan of a million dollars,’ but anyone who looks would find that your father gave you hundreds of millions. he gave you everything you claim as your own.”

trump took a step forward, wagging his own finger, his lips curled into that O shape that looks like a puckered arsehole. “not true,” he said.

at this, jobs nearly sprinted across the stage toward trump, arms in the air like an animal about to attack. a woman in the audience let out an involuntary “oh!” and trump himself visibly recoiled as jobs got in his face, now almost screaming:

“everything in your entire life, your name, your gaudy, golden homes, your many wives, all of whom you cheat on, all of things in your life that you cherish, you’d have none of it if it wasn’t for fred trump!”

the crowd started getting rowdy at this, and lester tried to cut in. he got out “mister jobs–“ before jobs spun on his heel, marching toward lester’s desk.

“i’m standing next to this man on stage, and we’re supposed to be equals?” he yelled. slowly, he leaned in toward lester and the cameras. in this fucking chilling tone, he said, “we are not equals.”

lester leaned back in his chair, his mouth open, but no sound coming out. jobs straightened up, gliding back to the middle of the stage. he held his hands out to trump, like a man offering a gift.

“i am ten times the businessman you are,” he said, his voice now totally calm. “you don’t deserve to be here, on this stage. you are nothing but a cheap clown in a wig. now why don't you stop pretending you’re something you’re not, and crawl back to that tower you bought using your daddy’s money.”

lester tried to regain control of the crowd, but they were in total anarchy.

for the first time since i’d started watching this video, i became aware of my own hands. i reached for the mouse and clicked on the timeline to re-watch the final lines of jobs’s diatribe and the crowd’s reaction. in the individual voices of the crowd’s roar, i could hear what sounded like every human expression: outbursts of anger, shouts of laughter, cries of something like fear. some object -- a red hat? -- was thrown toward the stage, and a brief struggle ensued as secret service agents escorted the tosser from the room.

finally, lester regained control of the room by repeatedly shouting “MISTER TRUMP, HOW WILL YOU RESPOND?”

trump used his time to protest, accusing jobs of being “very, very unfair.” he then tried his own line of attack, referencing jobs’s well-known drug usage (“is that really the kind of person you want for a president?”) but jobs declined to use his allotted time for a response when lester gave him the opportunity.

the debate proceeded like this for the rest of the night. although trump responded animatedly to each of jobs’s points, jobs refused to address trump directly. when not speaking in response to one of lester's policy questions, jobs seemed to almost disappear into the shadows in his corner of the stage. even as trump increased his attacks, at one point again bringing up jobs's failures as a father, jobs seemed almost not to hear him.

the one exception came later in the evening, when trump made a passing reference to his own christian faith. jobs audibly scoffed and muttered “yeah, right,” just loud enough for the crowd could hear.

trump stopped short. “excuse me?” he said, eyes wide.

jobs looked up, his face open and earnest.

“you’re a fraud, and everyone knows it,” he said.

he held trump’s gaze for a moment, then relaxed back into his default pose, head on fist, disengaged.

trump looked shocked. he stammered something -- “unbelievable, this guy” -- then tried to return to the point he’d been making.

about at this moment, i noticed something out of the corner of my eye.

my phone's screen had lit up, but was totally black.

the white apple logo appeared in the center of the screen. the phone had reset on its own. a moment passed, and the lock screen appeared. i was dimly aware of trump's voice suddenly cutting off, and i looked up at the screen. to my shock, i saw donald trump standing on stage with hillary clinton. they shook hands and stood side by side, waving to the crowd as lester holt delivered his closing remarks about the debate.

more confused now than ever, i scrubbed back in the video to earlier in the debate, and there the two of them were: hillary in a bright red pantsuit, trump in the same suit he always wears. the video now had a different title: "The First Presidential Debate: Hillary Clinton And Donald Trump (Full Debate) | NBC News"

3. the photos

all of this happened about a week ago. in the time since, i've basically been in a state of shock. i haven't been able to go to work, or really move much from my couch. for a few hours after my phone reset, i convinced myself that i'd just gotten too fucking stoned and made the whole thing up in my head

then i checked the photos app on my phone.

for a whole week, i've been back in the reality where steve jobs is dead, and donald trump is president, but still those photos i took remain on my phone.

i've uploaded the photos to imgur and shared my story here in part because i still don't fucking believe it and i need more eyes on the evidence.

i think those fucking gummy worms briefly transported me to a parallel dimension.

Submitted October 07, 2018 at 04:27PM by SubredditStories via reddit