#white cis men that support radfems claiming them to be harmful by design are PITIFUL

[katyspersonal]

Sometimes I still worry that I've lost a source of my power when I've lost him. It will be a full year at the end of August.

I said what initially driven me towards him was a kind of pain and loneliness I knew very well, but it was also courage. He could say anything despite knowing how much hate he'd get for it, that it would guarantee his unpopularity within the fandom despite having incredibly good headcanons and useful research. Despite nobody really supporting him besides occasional incels and radfems mistaking him for their kind - either being his enemies too. He knew better than to consider enemy of his enemy his friend. It felt like he was against... everyone? At some point? Not surprising that he ended up with finally finding the only person to understand him in a saint spirit of sorts. However, in my culture, the lone warrior in the field is said to be a hero. Fighting because he feels like he must, despite 0 chances to accomplish anything.

I resented conformists all over the internet who, if they ever got doubts or straight up controversial opinions, would not dare to speak them to "not lose platform :'((((". They'd still nod their heads for what the most intimidating people say, at most revealing their true feelings in some Discord DMs only to later be betrayed by those "friends" and shamed for those screenshots all across the VERY "platform" they've cultivated. Absolute waste of time and emotions. He, however, felt like an antithesis to that shitshow as a concept by how free he was. How he didn't need any approval, nor faltered upon any criticism. Like pure, primordial chaos. I didn't really look much into it, but not only I admired intelligence regarding various topics on biology, history, religion, art and craft, literature, chemistry and medicine.. I also hoped that by just standing near him, I could get a fraction of that power. And I did...

I did.. I definitely gained more courage since then. Some of it is even still with me. I could speak my doubts, and my observations, and challenge infinitely more cruel and influential opponents in a debate. I've finally cut ties with any hope for ever being popular and loved and accepted. Like.. deep down I knew harassment would come sooner or later as soon as I stepped on that path. I knew what I was doing to myself and what for. Above all, I wanted a piece of his huge, radiant, chaotic soul to learn to be strong and independent like him, to no longer need attention or approval like him. I think at the most part I used it for good. I spoke against various injustices and logic faults better than before.

But I think I got it the other way around. I've always been a contrarian at least a bit. I just needed a display of how much I really could do, and how much I was ready to lose and endure. But I think the more time went on, the more it felt like proving my "loyalty" to him. I could do a lot.. but as long as I felt the strong presence behind myself, always holding my shoulder. In the end, I was still a weak pathetic autistic person, whose intellectual failures guarantee them being in endless hazard of ideological grooming. The thing is, I wonder if he ever REALLY was any better. Was not he ideologically groomed by various scum from 4Chan too? Especially with how easily it would be to appeal to his tragedy and betrayal he endured? He was a lot like Morgott. The guy believing and ready to fight for the oppressive system that targeted people like him. Was not he groomed, as a queer person supporting conservative nonsense against his own, because the very queer community betraying him and many others was a good display of "true face of this world"? Who is to tell that he didn't feel strong presence, even if anonymous, behind him? Who is to tell that he never was terrified to disagree with those groups?

If anything, I've learned to stay away from "communities" that base themselves around opposing the shared enemy. AND their 'wandering' members, because they will still speak not their points and not their arguements. They get too stuck in their beliefs to the point they recite them without understanding what they entail, they will never listen to the other side perceiving them as enemy out to groom them away from the right path, and they are TOO trigger-happy to dispose of "heretics", who either go astray or picked by the counter-community. However, every community is evil, foolish and cultish because every community has people in it.