#while obvs the real story is so fucking complex and i also gave a bunch of gaps in my memory bc i was a literal child
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#given a chance is a story based on my real childhood friendship#so i wanna rewrite it and make it into a proper novel#but i warped the real story to make the fic make more sense for h and l#while obvs the real story is so fucking complex and i also gave a bunch of gaps in my memory bc i was a literal child#And it goes super deep bc i made some painful mistakes#as a kid and teen#but i seriously deeply cared about this person and i'm so sad with how the real story went#so i am rewriting it still to have a happy ending#but fucking hell i need to dig DEEP to get this story right#and i really want to get it right#so i'm basically having to go and erase made-up scenes i invented for the fic#and remember the actual events#but i still kept it gay so i added that aspect bc i do think my own behavior back then was a result of me not understanding myself#not understanding my gender#and how i liked this boy but i didn't like it when he treated me like a girl even though he did like me and and and anddddd#so yeah#WHEW#big deep intense story#i need to time when i write tbh bc it's like i descend into the recesses of my brain when i do#and i need to crawl back out every time in order to be a normal person again#aaaaahhhhhhhhwel#let's hope i can make this into what i know it could be#my posts
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