#while ignoring a thing that has been pretty obvious smh

[swallowtail-ageha]

Idk its very interesting how people do talk abt the general theme of violence against women in bloodborne (valid) and cite both the kos murder and the maria/doll situation but also never think that maria having an hand on kos' desecration might be the sliiiightest commentary on how women can perpretrate violence and misogyny against other women

[hosticaaa]

𝕯𝖆𝖇𝖎 ; Discrimination.

Woke up thinking Dabi thoughts so heres a hodge podge of things on my mind that I can't remember if I've talked about on tumbluh before but I know some things were brought up on discord ;

Made a post on Dabi's blog the other day mentioning the interaction between Dabi and Nejire in One's justice where Nejire asks Dabi is he's in pain/if he's okay due to his burns and honestly ? This is soooo important and Its wild to think that she's one of the few/only people who have shown empathy/concern about Dabi's condition. Like Dabi's burns are very gruesome and very obvious, they don't go unnoticed by people. While I do HC that some people initially think he's some kind of heteromorph, the fact that even when people realize those are wounds or that theres something "wrong" their usual reactions are disgust / shame toward him or fear. Their general approach when Dabi was homeless before he joined the LoV was to pretty much just shoo him away so he can go off and die somewhere like a diseased animal because whatevers wrong with him isn't their problem and they're disgusted and frightened by it. And tbh this hasn't just been the civilian reaction to Dabi either. Heroes have reacted very much the same. Theres two different things Hori did that I can recall that emphasize this. One is Hawks report, where Dabis smell is mentioned by Mirko and where he gets the "thoroughly wretched and unpleasant creature" treatment outright according to Hawks. ( Bombastic side eye bird boy. Like its hilarious and kind of understandable but also smh ) And the next is a doodle Hori did where Endeavor, Hawks and Mirko all mockingly react to Dabi smelling bad much to Dabi's frustration. And like wow, it might just be a joke image but its... Yeah. Because that's not even technically two strangers shaming him for something he can't help, one of them is his own dad, even though Endeavor had no idea Dabi was the remains of Toya at this point and the image isn't really canon, you get the idea.

And I think imo this further highlights the fails of Hero Society because, yeah, heroes are supposed to just be kind people who wanted to use their abilities to help others in need but society sucks and twisted heroes into tools for governments and bodies of power to ensure the continued oppression and control of their people in the wake of humanity growing beyond its human constraints ( side note the fact that so few people grasp these aspects of MHA blow my mind like its explicitly spoken about in canon on multiple occasions, the whole series is deeply xmen and similarly makes commentary on oppression, bigotry government corruption etc. Quirks are 1 for 1 allegories for Racism (Spinner), Ableism (Dabi and Twice), Queerphobia (Himiko and Magne) and Compress, Tomura and Stain working as robin hood-like figures who stand up for the common folk against these injustices and help / support / spur rebel groups to fight back. ) All the League are people who hero society has explicitly failed and oppressed, they've all been discriminated against and harmed for very unfair reasons that spit upon the virtues Hero society claims to uphold, and Hori very much displays this as a wrong that needs to be righted and it flies right over peoples heads but, anyway, I digress.

Dabi's own experience this way is similar to Tomura's, who was rejected and ignored and left homeless to have who knows what happen to him by everyone but AFO in his hour of need as a literal five year old child. A whole five year old child wasn't considered worth saving or helping because he simply "looked scary" and anyone who encountered him figured it wasn't their business and heroes could take care of it except none of them ever did.

Mentioned in one of my other hcs here, Dabi did have a kindly old man who helped him when he was younger, but he was one of the very few people who did. As far as my Dabi Lore goes, yeah Dabi did actually go to the hospital on the old mans advice with the money he gave him but ultimately ended up running away again before he could be properly seen to by doctors. He didn't know what to tell them about his burns, how he got like this or who he was. It was a scary unknown to him that could lead to things he didn't or couldn't deal with and he'd already had a pretty weird experience with a doctor and people that claimed to want to help him but obviously didn't (Garaki/Afo) so Dabi never got that medical attention and continued to not seek it.

Which brings me to thinking about the time my friend brought up their HC in an IC chat about Enji being very resilient to sickness thanks to his quirk and Dabi lamenting how he wished he got that part of Enji's quirk because he always feels kind of sick But the thing is Dabi does kinda have that factor of Enji's quirk he just doesn't know it. Its probably why Dabi has never got a severe infection. Aside from the supernatural literal zombie aspects of Dabi I've mentioned a few times, Dabi's stayed safe from unpleasant things he'd otherwise be a playground for if he didn't have Enji's quirk as a zombie boy.

Kinda gross so don't read on if you're easily grossed out A particular example is Dabi's heat/flames are also why he's never been flyblown despite the condition of his rotting burns. He's mentioned rats have tried to eat him in his sleep a few times but ultimately despite the fact a lot of his body is made up of dead tissue hence the funky smell he has, thanks to his flames, he's been kept clean of maggots and other nasties living in his dead skin. So yeah, in a weird, dark way Dabi's flames have worked similarity to Enji's in keeping him """healthy""".

And yeah, like, no Dabi doesn't like this part of himself. He's not cool with it. His apathy isn't because he really doesn't care or things aren't as bad as they are but he can't change it. He feels his own shame and guilt towards his burns and the state of his body. He's comforted by the idea that he's not going to live much longer and has romanticized/idealize his own death with this concept of the fact that when he goes all out all his rotting skin will all be burned away and he'll become nothing but a pretty, pure blue flame. Thats an appealing, comforting death to him with everything he's living with now. And on a similar note I wanna say despite all this Dabi doesn't hate his quirk. He doesn't even hate his disability. He's cool with these things. Hell, he loves his quirk. He's not really ashamed that it burns him and he doesn't feel as if he can't do as much as the able-bodied quirk haver can, he just knows or knew he needed to do things a little differently or a little less which doesn't bother him at all. The shame he feels is largely because of the blame he's been forced to feel by the people around him. By his dad who instantly pulled the rug out from under him when his disability was discovered due to his own Issues ™️ which were also largely thanks to workings of Hero Society, to the way other people have treated him ever since. So while he does feel shame and feel some things are his own fault when they're not, he's also generally aware society is the real "big bad" here and its a huge factor in why he so strongly follows Stain and why Stain and his ideology is so important to Dabi.

[sombreboy]

Tease me⇢kth x jjk

⇢18+ ⇢pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ⇢genre: Smut, fluff, mxm ⇢word count: 5.4k ⇢warnings: profanity, tae sends jk pics of his cock smh, they skip class to fuck don’t do that educate urself my lovely peeps, dom!kth, sub!jjk, blowjob, fingering, anal, sex in public place, this is fiction pls use lubey lube

A/N: Serves as a oneshot within the Love Maze series AU, however can also be read on it’s own. Co-written with my lovely @velvetwicebang​ <3

Either the clock had been stuck on the same time for over a trillion hours, or Taehyung’s brain was having a blast poking at the boy’s established impatience.

It felt as if he’d been sitting through Mrs. Choi’s lesson for way too long now; his ass had certainly left a permanent imprint on the hard-as-shit chair. The discomfort only irked Taehyung even more, and the latter couldn’t be bothered to mask his see-through disinterest, facial expression resistant— Who the fuck needs calculus, anyways? Calculators exist.

The boy’s leg bounced from underneath the desk, wanting nothing more than to yell out ‘Fuck math!’ and storm out of there. But of course, he couldn’t do that. Not if he wanted to prove Jungkook wrong. The younger was smart as hell, and Taehyung knew how seriously he took his studies. Naturally, being in a relationship with someone so academically-driven also meant Tae couldn’t fall behind. And he was trying to prove to Jungkook that he was capable of getting good grades, when he actually tried..

The elder let out a soft sigh, gaze flickering to the front of the class, acting carefully before he pulled out his phone from the front pocket of his pants. 

To: JK Hey

Taehyung waited a minute, no response.

To: JK I’m boreed 

Jungkook always took forever to reply.

To: JK i know you’re seeing these smh, won’t even reply to your boyfriend

Suddenly, Tae got an idea. The elder flicked through his camera roll, lips slowly curling outwards into a cheeky grin before he attached a very personal picture..

To: JK meant to send this to you the other day I was soo fucking hard, can you see?? you like the view?

It was an image of his cock, the tip pink and swollen, veins running alongside the smooth edges. 

If this didn’t get Jungkook’s attention, Taehyung would be surprised.

Jungkook feels the incoming texts in the form of a series of vibrations against his leg, and normally he would ignore it completely... but he knows it's his boyfriend, so it was getting incredibly difficult to ignore. His lecture was boring anyway, the teacher blabbering about a topic he already excelled in, so he didn't feel as bad about sneaking his phone out underneath the desk…

Kook's breath hitched when he swiped the conversation open, only to be greeted by Taehyung's fat cock staring right back at him, so hard and--- it had the younger's thighs pressing together just thinking about the way it felt in his mouth. Heavy, smooth... fuck.

He glanced around, thankful he didn't have anybody sitting close to him for once. Tapping in his reply, his cheeks are hot, his lower lip caught by his bunny like upper teeth.

To: Tae I'm in class babe...

Jungkook sighed when he took another look at the picture, suddenly class was the last thing he cared about.

To: Tae ... I really love the view... I can't focus now

At first glance, Taehyung was a bit surprised Jungkook actually rolled along with it, but oh was he pleased.. He hadn’t intended for the conversation to turn sexual... not from the beginning, at least. The elder played his cards right, an unexpected dick-pic granted him his boyfriend’s undivided attention. Taehyung loved being the only one running through Jungkook’s mind..

To: JK oh yeah? thinking hard about my cock now? ooo naughtyyy 

He also fuckin’ loved to tease the hell out of Koo. 

To: JK i get really hard just thinking about you you and your cute ass

The elder comfortably leaned back in his chair, typing with one hand whilst the other lingered close to his crotch, itching to slip it past the band of his trousers..

To: JK that ass is tight as fuck too didn’t even need to jerk off to porn, i got off to the picture of you on my phone came so much, fuuck

Jungkook had to bite down on his lip to prevent himself from embarrassing himself, the natural urge to whine because of what Tae tells him through text was astonishing. The power this man had over the younger... one sentence and Kook is already uncomfortably adjusting his length that is resting against his thigh.

To: Tae Tae, seriously! you can't say things like this... I almost moaned out loud I can't focus!!!!

Jungkook stared at the picture for the umpteenth time, bit swollen lips parting lightly to exhale a longing sigh. His gaze flickered between the lecture and his phone again as he kept typing.

To: Tae fuck... and I'm getting hard. Want you in my mouth.

Kook blushed a bit as he sent the last two messages. However, two could play a game of tease during class... Tae might just be better at it. But that doesnt mean Kook won't at least try.. maybe he has a higher effect than he thinks.

Either way, Taehyung was a master of seduction, whether it be a quick fuck, or a sensual evening in bed--- it's undeniable that his sex appeal is off the roof. Hence why Jungkook is sitting in fucking class with his cock pulsating underneath the table. Shit.

The elder’s lean fingers curled inwards into a tightly-knotted fist, blunt nails sunk deep into the clammy flesh of his palm. All the while, Taehyung’s beast of a boner prodded at the fabric of his pants, the striking outline a cherry in a basket of strawberries. Anyone with a working eye could see Taehyung was worked up about something..

To: JK such a tease, baby so sudden? bet you were thinking about me fucking the shit out of your pretty mouth for a long time i know you like it real rough

The light film of sweat collected on his hand seeped onto the fabric of Taehyung’s jeans whilst he slowly smoothed his palm over his erection, the corner of his lip twitching in aggravation. He wanted to stuff Jungkook’s stretchable mouth full through the screen, fuck it hard until his dick turned limp.

To: JK naughty boy, you probably touched yourself to the thought of my fat cock before we were even together

He angled the phone down, pressing record before rubbing at his clothed cock, thumb swirling around the bulging head.

“Fuck..” Taehyung grunted softly, flipping the camera around to selfie-mode so Jungkook would have a different perspective. He kept it low, pretending the camera’s lens was Kook’s doe eyes, picturing his boyfriend on his knees— Taehyung staring down at him.

Even from such an angle, Tae managed to look intimidating. His raven fringe running past his hooded eyes, jaw clenching as he held in his moans, cheekbones prominent.. He had it all.

He tapped on the red dot once more, attaching the newly-made video before pressing send.

To: JK this the cock you’re thirsting for?? see how hard it is? it’s even harder when i fuck it real deep in you

Jungkook hovered over the video, swallowing tightly before pressed play. It was a dangerous game that his boyfriend played, and Kook knows he already lost. Taehyung's fat cock, his piercing gaze, even through a fucking phone screen had the younger mans insides clenching around nothing, his mouth salivating. He couldn't even hold back the quiet groan that rumbled in his chest, passing it off as an awkward cough to avoid attention.

To: Tae Yeah.. love when you're rough..

Koo blushes, ignoring the obvious statement of him touching himself to the thought of Tae prior to their relationship...

Although Jungkook knows he's already a puddle for the elder, he knows Tae does have a thing for the digital aspect of things... whether it be porn, nudes, or videos. Even when sending a simple recording of his cock, he made it look great... he was a natural with the lens.

Kook angled his own phone camera to snap a picture, squeezing his thick length through his sweatpants to show the prominent outline. Then he snaps a second one, very quickly of his bit swollen lips, sending both in one go.

To: Tae I want it so bad... See how hard you made me too...  I keep biting my lip or I'll whine out loud... you asshole

Koo smiles through the haze of lust, the endearing cursing between them still something they both just do-- and love.

A small, barely-noticeable smile pulled at the corners of Taehyung’s wet lips.

To: JK shut up... asshole you’re liking this

Then it was back to internally groaning over the pictures Jungkook had sent, lust-crazed pupils dilating at the mere image of those swollen lips wrapped snug around the velvety skin of his cock.

To: JK excuse yourself and meet me in the same spot don’t take forever

It was the last nudge; Taehyung had to act on his urges before he went crazy.

He excused himself from the lesson, lying saying he had to go to the restroom. Taehyung did need to get something out of his system, but it wasn’t what everyone else thought.

Jungkook licked his lips at the commanding invitation, swiftly putting his phone back into his pocket as he excused himself, also lying about his whereabouts. Luckily, he was easily let off without much questioning, being one of the teacher's favorites. Piece. of. cake.

He shoved his books into his backpack before hurrying towards their secret spot, internally competing whether he would possibly make it there before Taehyung this time-- just to rub it off in his face.

As Jungkook made it there, he looked around, not yet seeing the male... He glanced down at his phone, a small smile tugging on his lips. Did he make it first?

Turns out whenever Taehyung was horny, the boy could run a marathon. If there was something worth claiming at the finish line, Tae was there. This time, the prize just so happened to be his lovely boyfriend.. It was no surprise when he’d gotten there first, too impatient to miss a longing beat to his steps. But, being the cheeky bastard Taehyung was best known for, he hid from Jungkook.

When he made out the younger male’s figure, that was when he tip-toed out of hiding, pressing his chest to Kook’s back as his arms circled around his torso.

“Hey—“ Taehyung laughed at Jungkook’s startled jump, angling his neck to press a chaste kiss to the younger’s cheek.

“Relax, it’s me. Slow ass..” The elder joked, swiftly turning Koo around on his feet by a quick twist of the younger’s waist.

"Ah! Tae... shit, I've told you not to scare me like that..." Jungkook's annoyance quickly morphed into a grin, unable to stay mad as he twirled to face his boyfriend. His hands immediately find the elders soft, dark curls, itching to run his fingers through them.

"I wasn't slow, you must be sonic or some shit...." he chuckles, drawing Tae in for a kiss, unable to hold his bit swollen lips away for a second longer.

Taehyung acceptingly immersed himself in the warm, summery feeling of Jungkook’s lips, dipping his toe in the latter-infected waters. 

He breathed in Jungkook; he felt Jungkook’s presence all around. Every curve and dip of the younger’s body was a place Taehyung knew all too well.

He squeezed at Kook’s delicate waist. Taehyung’s lost count of how many times his needy hands would hold onto the flesh. It was the most familiar spot..

“Don’t think I forgot all about the, ‘want you in my mouth’ shit you pulled..” The elder practically muttered, tracing daring kisses along Jungkook’s jawline, down his neck, on his collarbones..

Anywhere that would allow the sudden intrusion.

“That got me so hard. You knew it’d faze me, huh?” Taehyung gently drove Jungkook’s back against the concrete wall, shuffling a leg between the younger’s, sensually rubbing at his boyfriend’s awakened crotch.

“You knew it’d make me wanna push you down to your knees and fuck your throat swollen, didn’t you?”

"Y-yeah-- fuck..." Jungkook immediately feels like he melts into the wall behind him, the cool surface juxtaposing the fire in his body. His cheeks are flushed red, snapping his chin to the side as he blushes, whining quietly when Taes knee massages his length. It was almost embarrassing how quickly he was brought to a full hard on, but then again; Kook being absolutely whipped for Tae is no news.

“Baby likes it rough, tsk. You know which buttons to push, alright..”

Taehyung tilted his head and aimed for the side of Jungkook’s neck, where he sucked greedily on the discolored patch whilst his hands snaked past the loose band of Kook’s sweatpants.

Fondling and jiggling a handful of Jungkook’s bare ass in his bigger hands, Tae purposely pressed their bodies closer together, leaving little room to the imagination.

He groped and squeezed at the plump skin, pulling Jungkook’s lower body away from the wall, grunting against his boyfriend’s neck as he left dark hickeys to linger on for days.

“So fucking gorgeous, my pretty boy..” 

Taehyung pulled away, seemingly pleased with his colorful creations.

“Now, get down on your knees, pretty.”

Jungkook didn't need to be told twice, abruptly dropping down on his knees in front of Taehyung, his strong hands smoothing down his torso to his thighs on the way down. His doe eyes stare back up at the elder with a mix of submission, admiration, and greed, licking his lightly chapped lips.

"You think I'm pretty?" Kook tilts his head like a curious puppy, his coyly cocked eyebrow morphing with his small smile that couldn't be helped. He always felt a bit giddy whenever Tae praised him in various ways.

He keeps his hands on Tae's thighs, slowly inching back to tug at the zipper, greedy to see and feel the weight of his boyfriend's cock on his tongue.

"Fuck my mouth, I'll look even prettier.." He whispers out his words, a bit flustered to utter them.

“Shit, I don’t doubt it for a fucking second..” Taehyung felt strapping as he confidently towered over Jungkook, one hand pressed against the wall whilst the other glided through Kook’s silky hair, caressing the younger’s scalp with gentle fingers.

“Always hungry for my big cock, who would’ve thought the prettiest boys would be so dirty..”

His thumb faintly brushed over Jungkook’s cheekbone, studying the latter’s submissive pose before him. Taehyung cockily widened his stance, feet shoulder-width apart and hips slightly jutted out.

He waited until Jungkook undid his zipper before taking control, tugging on his briefs just enough for his needy cock to pop out, his warm balls laying still against the waistband.

“You wanna suck my dick? Wanna know what your ass gets a taste of every time I fuck you?” The elder harshly bit down on his lower lip, “Stick your tongue out.”

Knowing he wouldn’t have to wait long, a faint smirk took over Taehyung’s features at Jungkook’s eagerness.

“Even your tongue is gorgeous, fuck.” 

With one hand around the base, Tae rubbed the head of his cock along the wet muscle, gripping onto a handful of Jungkook’s hair whilst he stared down at his boyfriend, internally praising him for being so good..

“Hmm..” He gently slapped the thick girth on Kook’s tongue; soft, wet splatter sounds taking over their senses.

Jungkook hummed in delight when he could taste droplets of Tae's precum with every gentle thud against his tongue. He inched even closer, opening his mouth wider as he stuck out his wet, flattened tongue further, as if begging for more already.

Kook is a shy boy, but when it came to Taehyung; he was a selfish, greedy man.

However, he knew not to get too greedy, unless he wanted to annoy his boyfriend. It was usually a one way ticket to limp town. Sometimes he wanted it, sometimes he didn't. 

Today was one of those days where he wanted it rough.

So, the younger didn't wait for instructions, neither did he say a word before he ignored the tug in his hair as he leaned forward, taking Taehyung's cock into his mouth. It was worth it, the smooth skin and tangy mix of salt and sweet coated his tongue wonderfully. His vibrating moan reached his throat, sure that Tae could feel it around his cock.

Kook's mischievous, doe eyes stared back up at him, his plushy lips stretched and reddened as they worked hard to accommodate Taehyung's girth.

“Wait, what are you doi— shit..” Taehyung’s heavy-lidded eyes abruptly enlarged; his initial shock vividly magnified on his features in the form of arched brows. He watched as his boyfriend’s plushy lips enclosed around his hardened length, spouting a thick blanket of warmth throughout Tae’s body, overpowering his cold demeanor. That’s all Taehyung did— stare. 

No one had ever disobeyed him, they waited for him to take control of the situation. Until now..

And if Taehyung wasn’t so fond of the power it granted him; he would’ve been less irritated at Jungkook and his sudden boldness.

The assertive grip on the younger’s hair returned as Taehyung harshly yanked him away from his cock, jaw muscles clenched and gaze intimidating. 

Who did Jungkook think he was? The younger was stripped of his control every time they fucked; Taehyung liked it that way. To say this was a surprise was an understatement..

“What have I told you about doing shit without my permission, Jungkook?”

However, no matter how much Tae tried to force himself to dislike it, he couldn’t. His boyfriend’s eagerness was endearing.

“Impatient boy..”

Digging his fingers deeper into Kook’s mess of a hair, Taehyung forced the younger back in once again. This time, it was on his terms.

He controlled the pace in which Jungkook’s head bobbed, rhythmic hips thrusting slowly to meet each plunge.

“Hmm.. fuck yeah.” The wetness lathering around him from inside Kook’s mouth tipped Taehyung’s head back, grunting softly as his eyes squinted shut, black curls sticking to the light layer of sweat exuding from his creased forehead.

At that moment, he didn’t have a care in the goddamn world. 

Taehyung towered further over Kook, extending out his free hand against the wall in front of him and fixing his grasp on Jungkook’s hair. The elder held his boyfriend’s head in place as he thrusted into him, hips eager and swift as he began fucking his mouth.

“Like that? Shame you can’t answer with a cock in your mouth..”

The sparkle of mischief in Jungkook's eyes never subsided, saying more than enough at the fact that this is exactly what he wished for. To spur on Taehyung's dominance, hearing, seeing and feeling the elder manhandle him and mock him-- fuck, the younger's cock was leaking underneath his pants.

"Mmm....mmhhh.." Jungkook hummed with joy, gaze glassy with tears from the burning stretch in his throat. It was bittersweet, but he was ever the masochist for Tae's big dick. He stared up at the various expressions of pleasure and coy mockery playing on Taehyung's face, only able to look up for so long before tears began to trickle down his cheeks, mixing in with the drool seeping out his mouth with every rough thrust, Tae's cock taking up the space in his throat.

Jungkook relaxed in the elder's hold, using his flattened tongue in his mouth to allow the slick length to glide effortlessly. He breathed heavily through his nose, however only able to do so every few drags when the head of Tae's swollen cock wasn't blocking the airway as it was lodged back in his throat with every snap of his hips.

Kook's grasp tightened on Taehyung's pants by his thighs, seeking some kind of leverage, muffled whines and hums stuck in his chest to be killed by the loud sound of wet squelches.

The piteous, gagged response of a hum fed into Taehyung’s inner sadist as he was physically driven to ram deeper into Jungkook’s mouth. He wasn’t worried— well, too worried. Of course Tae was precautious; he didn’t want to hurt his boyfriend. But he knew Jungkook could handle his hefty cock. After all, they’ve had plenty of practice during their time together..

They rarely spent a day without any action; Kook’s body was a magnet for Taehyung’s longing hands to obsess over.

“Sweet boy, takin’ all of my cock like a champ..” Tae hissed, entranced by the way he’d continuously bulge against Jungkook’s hickey-stained throat, feeling the sensitive tip roughly prod at the inflamed flesh. 

“Hngh.. so warm, baby. Almost as warm as your tight ass.” His panting grew thicker, losing the momentum he once started with, “Look at you, so fuckable. Hmph.. just wanna stretch the shit out of you, leave you open wide and shaking.” Taehyung yanked harder on Jungkook’s hair, knuckles lacking their natural color.

“I’d cum so much inside, fuck, you’d be so full.” 

With one last powerful, forced slam, Tae stopped the movement of his hips before he would break loose. All that talk made him realize how much he missed being inside of his boyfriend, even if he’d just fucked him a couple days ago..

“Pretty..” The pad of this thumb brushed under Jungkook’s eyes, wiping away the fresh tears that’d resurfaced. Taehyung slowly pulled his cock out, gaze softened as he stared down at Jungkook’s smaller position.

“Stand up and kiss me, baby. Wanna taste myself on your lips.”

Pebbles roll on the ground from the quick momentum of just how eagerly Jungkook got back up on his feet, arms clinging around Taehyung's neck to bring him in for a needy kiss. The younger's plush lips moved naturally against his boyfriend's, his familiar mouth bringing nothing but comfort and an immense need to taste more, and more.

"Ah..." Kook was gentle however, allowing Taehyung to be in control of the intensity, but the needy whines coming from the younger showed just how badly he wanted every single little thing the elder would offer.

"Taee...." Jungkook timidly moans against his lips, his erection pressing up against him like a needy boy. "You taste so good.. Can you taste it?"

“I do, baby, tastes good..” Taehyung leaned in for more, pushing his tongue past the small, hitched opening in between Jungkook’s puffy lips to ease the areas in which his cock took proper advantage of. The kiss was sloppy, yet precise as Tae carefully moved his lips against Kook’s smaller ones, pleased vibrations emitting from his chest.

Not bearing the emptiness in his palms, his hands resumed groping Jungkook’s ass.

“I’m gonna fuck you, Koo. Gonna make it quick, alright?” Tae pressed a soft kiss to Jungkook’s nose before tugging at the younger’s sweatpants and briefs in one go, too impatient to go about it any other way. 

“So aroused ‘n pretty..” Taehyung’s breath hitched at the sight of Kook’s hard cock, head oozing with droplets of precum. “Just like you.”

He carefully drove them back against the wall, this time pushing Jungkook’s chest against the concrete and tugging gently at the younger’s hip, making his ass stick out. 

His boyfriend didn’t need any prep, they’ve fucked enough times in the course of a week alone. But it didn’t hurt to tease Kook a bit— Taehyung never turned that down.

“Gonna stick my finger in, breathe.” Tae didn’t lie, his middle finger slowly pushed past the bundle of nerves trying to force him out, but he didn’t budge. His forehead was rested against Jungkook’s nape, lips slightly agape as he looked down at what he was doing. The elder’s other hand spread one of Koo’s cheeks, giving him a wider view.

“Shit, you cool? Found that sweet spot you always like..” The pad of Tae’s finger quickly rubbed at the side of Jungkook’s prostate.

“You love it when I tease it, admit it.”

Jungkook muttered breathy curses, placing his elbows against the concrete for leverage. His soft cheek pressed to the wall, flushed in the initial embarrassment of being this exposed-- in this place... Tae always managed to make him feel small and pretty-- and the praise only built on to his reddened cheeks... and throbbing cock.

"Ah..." His low curses quickly morphed into higher pitched moans the second his boyfriend's long, slender finger touched the one sweet spot that only he could reach. "Fuck, yeah.... I love it-- please, more."

Taehyung always knew how to please him, just with one finger he had reduced Kook to nothing but a slut for him. Every single time they fucked, the one word Jungkook would chant like a prayer was just that. More.

"D-don't tease me too much... I'll go crazy, please, stretch me more." Jungkook's pathetic voice was shaky, rutting his ass back against Taehyung's finger, his thigh muscles tensing and relaxing every single time his sensitive flesh was prodded.

Taehyung reached in deeper, the stretchable skin of Jungkook’s wet rim now surpassing his knuckle, clenching tight around the elder’s long digit as he massaged Koo’s warm insides. The elder’s cock throbbed against Jungkook’s soft cheek, jealous it wasn’t receiving any special attention— for now. Tae wasn’t planning on leaving it forgotten for long..

“I’ll stretch you out good, just be patient..” Tae left soft kisses along Jungkook’s shoulders and flexed shoulder blades, twisting his head slightly to continue against the crook of the younger’s neck, the silent sounds of his sweet kisses only audible to the both of them. 

“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous, you know that?” The warmth of Taehyung’s breath clung on to Jungkook’s ear whilst he praised, lingering close until Tae’s face was no longer near; no longer trapping in the heat of his soft words.

“I’m gonna put it in, I know you’re dying to feel a hard cock in you. My hard cock..” Taehyung swiftly dragged out his finger, taking a hold of his dick and lining it up against Jungkook’s entrance, rubbing the tip against his puckered rim before gently advancing his hips forward, harshly biting on his lips as he did so.

“Hngh.. warm. Tight as fuckin’ always, fuck.”

Jungkook's drawn out moan sounded more like a whiny cry, muffled by his hand as to not want to draw any attention-- but it was hard. However, something about possibly being caught had the younger's entire being tingling with excitement. Maybe he was a little bit of an exhibitionist after all...

"Mmph... Tae, god... big.." Kook struggled to put together any sort of coherent sentence, muffling out words into his hand in between breathy cries. His fleshy insides constricted around his boyfriend's thick girth harder the deeper it drilled into him, taking shallow breaths to relax. His thighs shake with anticipation, he couldn't bear to be patient...

Jungkook arched his back further, hungry for more of Taehyung to enter him, glancing over his shoulder to see his expressions. If there was one thing Jungkook loved just as much as hearing how good he felt, it was seeing it as well.

The elder granted Jungkook just that— thick eyebrows knit together as he fully bottomed out, cock snug and protected in between Kook’s gripping insides, the unpredicted squeezes prompting the latter to grit his teeth until his jaw turned sore.

Taehyung engaged in promising eye contact, his bedroom eyes gazing deep into Jungkook’s wavering ones. Tae’s back remained slightly hunched as his blue-veined hands held onto the other’s hips, fingers digging into the sweaty crease connecting the younger’s hip bone and his leg. 

“Damn, been waiting to fuck this ass for a hot minute..” He added movement to his stance, keeping it slow and collected at the beginning for the sake of their enjoyment.

“My ass. I own this shit now, fuck..” The hitting of his pelvis against Jungkook became more noticeable, the smacking of their skin every time they met almost as distinct as Koo’s soft whines.

“Only mine to fuck raw and stretch.” Taehyung’s thrusting grew more aggressive, forceful snaps turning quicker and harder..

“I’m the only guy that gets to bust in this little ass, fuckin’ better stay that way..” 

The mere thought of another dude fucking Jungkook led Taehyung to grunt in displease, panting softly as he no longer worried about holding back, entering Kook’s ass again and again until he could no longer keep count.

Jungkook's doe eyes rolled back in pleasure, fluttering shut before he dipped his head low, his long curls falling forward as he faced down. Every snap of Taehyung's hips drew a louder moan out of him, every inhale a hitched breath, every exhale a whiny moan.

"Only y-yours, Tae--fuck, want you, just you-- gah..." It was hard to speak when his body was jolting forward roughly with every thrust, his strong arms flexing to keep his head from thudding into the concrete wall from the brute force his boyfriend fucked him with.

"Don't want anybody else to fuck me, your cock-- ah, your cock is the fuckin' best... Want you foreve-eer, shit..." His moans were bordering on sobs at this point, the mixture of pleasure, slight pain, and his love for the elder made the entire experience euphoric; and Jungkook was addicted to it. They've done this countless times, and instead of growing bored of it, the younger wanted more, more, more.

"Wanna cum, babe, please-- can I touch myself?" Kook's eyes open, staring down at his bobbing, swollen cock, the reddened tip drooling with precum, aching for any touch. "Tell me I can, please."

“We’ll do it together,” letting go of one of Jungkook’s slightly-bruised hips, Taehyung reached for the younger’s hand that rested on the dirtied wall, leading it downwards to where Kook’s firm, pretty cock sprung with the sustained pace of his thrusts. Taehyung forced Jungkook’s fingers to close in tight around his own shaft, the elder’s bigger hand applying extra pressure as he jerked them in sync up and down, up and down..

The leaking precum sitting atop Kook’s tip helped alleviate the glide, movements swift and aggressive. Taehyung was the one in charge, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Fuck, ‘m gonna cum..” He wrapped his arm around Jungkook’s delicate waist, pulling him in until his gasping chest molded against the small dip of Koo’s slick back.

“Cum with me, baby.” Taehyung’s jerk of his sore hand never faltered, and neither did each shove into Jungkook’s insides. He was much too excited to get them both over the edge, the upcoming release a certain high he could never get tired of.

Jungkook's loud, shameless sounds were a mixture of sobs and moans from the overwhelming sensations, his slick cock aggressively working towards his release along with his boyfriend's cock forcibly prodding at his sensitive prostate over and over. Kook's was fuckin' done for, he couldn't even attempt to hold back his orgasm if he tried.

"S-shit, fuck, fuuck--!" Nothing but curses rolled off his swollen tongue, words a foreign concept pushed to the back of his mind when all he could think about was Taehyung's fat cock entering him again, and again until every musce in his body tensed up, his cock stiffening in the grasp of both men before it began to pulsate in a rhytmical pattern, spurts of cum gushing out against the concrete wall.

"God-- cumming, ah, o-ouch..." Kook's high pitched whines in pleasure distorted into oversensitivity quickly, pressing his forehead against the dirty wall, gnashing his teeth together. "D-don't stop, please, cum in me-- T-taehyung.." His breathy voice pleaded, his thighs shaking to keep him up. He was grateful for the tight hold of his boyfriend around his waist, or he was sure he'd fall to his knees without a doubt.

“Oh fuuck, that’s my boy.. you’re cumming— hmph!, so much, cute.” Taehyung’s hips mindlessly picked up their thrusting until they stuttered, sleek body coming to a complete stop before Tae threw his head forward in a rasped shout, swelled cock twitching as it released the elder’s heavy load deep into his boyfriend’s clutching insides.

“A-ah.. ah, oh..” The hold around Jungkook’s waist had tightened, holding him closer as Taehyung’s way to steady himself after such a powerful climax. The elder’s body quivered slightly, feeling himself slowly soften while his cum dripped from out of Jungkook, running down the latter’s wobbly legs and onto the ground.

“Wow..”

He made sure Kook was steady enough before pulling out, withdrawing from the younger and immediately resting his back against the wall. Taehyung wiped at his face with the lower fabric of his shirt, the material sticking closely to his heaving chest.

“That was great, I didn’t think you’d let me fuck you in a public place.” Tae turned to look at Jungkook after tucking himself back in, smiling tiredly. 

“You simp... I know you wouldn’t have done that for anyone else.” Now Taehyung was teasing, giggling cheekily as he called Koo out for his unforeseen actions.

© sombreboy 2020. Do not edit, repost or translate.

[an-avid-reader]

The Hate U Give - Angie Thomas

my rating: 5/5 stars

On the night of a party gone wrong in Garden Heights, or “the hood”, Starr and her childhood best friend, Khalil, drive away only to be stopped by a white police officer. Khalil, unarmed, gets shot right in front of Starr’s eyes. Alas, Starr’s worlds—Garden Heights and Williamson, a predominantly white prep school—collide as word of Khalil’s death spreads and she is the only witness. Will Starr be able to bring justice to Khalil via riot and protests, or will he be remembered as a drug dealer and a thug?

"Funny how it works with white kids though. It's dope to be black until it's hard to be black"

Link to Goodreads || Spoiler-free review

A few things to check out:

Dear White People (Netflix)

When They See Us (Netflix)

Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race (Book)

A list of places to donate to / one YT video if you’re unable to donate 

Here’s a post that is much more comprehensive

let me know if any of the links don’t work, I will update them :)

There’s a reason why this book has quite a few awards on the front—this book covers what some may consider a “taboo” topic aka racism, but it’s an issue. I’m writing this review slightly earlier than before I’m posting it, but right now the current news is about George Floyd’s death, which is arguably more brutal than what happened in this book, but the fact that some police officers still think race has something to do with one’s intentions is outrageous and disgusting. Even in Canada, there have been instances of racism across history (spoiler: Canada isn’t a ‘saint nation’, even though the population is very diverse). 

For these reasons, I think this book, while it is triggering, I think it should be fit into the curriculum for students to read so that they may be educated on racism, and how it can literally kill others, as well as to try and dismantle the systematic racism that is imposed on us from a young age. I can never sit here and tell you that I can experience what Starr went through (or what any POC—black or otherwise—has ever been through), I can only educate myself and emphasize with what’s been said/done to you—please call me out if I’ve said something that may be offensive and feel free to correct me if I’ve said anything wrong.

Alright now on with the book review! This book is so raw and powerful, Thomas does a great job of describing the scenes and the emotions Starr goes through during each scene. We get to see how she feels about dating a white boy while being black herself, how her neighbourhood is beautiful despite it being described as the hood, we also get to see how Starr’s demeanor completely changes while she’s at school vs when she’s visiting her family. While Thomas’ writing may be simple, she does a great job of capturing those moments and the emotions tied within the scene.

As we get to see Starr becoming a witness and taking legal action, I wasn’t sure where the story was headed. Would Khalil get justice and would the cop go to jail? How would Starr’s mental health be affected? Will her family be okay? (Don’t you just love it when there’s so much more conflict in the story that needs to be resolved and yet there are only 2 chapters left) Etc. etc. The thing about The Hate U Give is that there are multiple story lines, which help to drive the story forwards. Those plotlines didn’t feel out of place or forced—everything seemed to progress at a reasonable pace. 

I feel like one of the key parts of this story are the characters and their dynamics to the story. The most obvious being between Starr and her family. Although Starr has her own secrets that she keeps from her dad (*cough cough* Chris *cough cough*), I feel like they still have a strong bond, especially as the story went on and her dad, Maverick, stood behind Starr, even when things went south. (I could also 100% relate to Starr bickering with her brothers—even her half-brother). Then there’s Chris, which I kinda feel weird about him...which I feel like it’s a spoiler so I’ll talk about it under the cut. Overall, I’m glad that while he doesn’t understand what Starr has been through, he doesn’t judge her—he listens to her story and he also stays by Starr’s side at all times. I appreciate that Thomas didn’t put too much focus on the romance, otherwise I think it would’ve detracted from the main message. Finally, there are Starr friends. Even though we only got to know Khalil for a bit at the beginning, I like that Starr’s friendship with him was sprinkled throughout the story, even if it was in subtle ways. You could tell that, while their friendship may have fallen apart, Starr really cared for him and he was at the forefront of her mind. We also get to see Maya and Haliey’s friendship with Starr...and I can’t talk much about that without spoilers :/ let’s just say...it was interesting…

While I can’t exactly relate to Starr on an emotional/traumatic/life experience level, I love that we are both Harry Potter fans and she runs a Tumblr (which idk why but I’m always taken aback when books have Tumblrs?? Yet here we are). I appreciate that she tries to see the best in people, until they prove her wrong (or give her a reason to not like them). I think Starr is a strong role model in the sense that she stands up for herself and is determined to get justice, although she’s not cocky about it. It’s quite the opposite, she doubts herself—I just remember that there were so many parts where she blamed herself for not recalling every single detail of the incident or not putting emphasis on the type of person Khalil was to avoid him getting stereotyped. Starr also questioned her relationship with Chris, albeit she seemed a bit naive at some points. Because of Starr’s strong personality and her core values, the message of The Hate U Give is so much stronger, hence why I feel like everyone should read this novel.

Finally, I learned a lot from this novel. Regardless of the fact that this is a fictional book, it is very much based on the realities of Black people and the hardships they must endure on a daily basis. To be honest, I feel so dumb for not even realizing that the title spells out THUG and runs parallel with Tupac’s meaning of THUG LIFE. Mind you, now when I look at the cover, it’s all I see. I also didn’t realize that Black kids and teens are taught how to act around the police—all to be avoided to get arrested, shot, or killed—which is frankly, messed up. Thomas also takes the time to address the names she used, intentionally to give another layer of the book, which I feel that it is based on reality. I can definitely see why this book has received so many awards—and if this book were implemented in schools, it would allow the discussion on racism to be opened and it would also allow kids to see that not all authors are white, old men (looking at you, Shakespeare, which tbh the only good play I read was Macbeth).

I wanted to thank you for reading my review; if you’ve read this book, I’d love to know your thoughts. Below the cut, I have a spoiler section that I wanted to include (which I might add in future reviews, idk though). 

Please stay safe and healthy,

~ Cassandra / an-avid-reader

THE REMAINDER OF THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS

Okay, I’m not going to lie, but I thought that no one knew about Chris; didn’t Starr mention within the first few chapters that she can’t introduce him to her family because she’s afraid of what they’ll say/judge her for dating a white boy? But then, it turns out it’s just her dad that doesn’t know about him??? Idk if my memory is really that bad or if it’s such a slim detail (maybe it actually is an inconsistency o.O). But anyways, I love how Maverick was just playing with him (and making it clear that Chris would be in big trouble if he hurt Starr). I’m also not sure if he has a fetish for Black women (which Starr also pointed that out)—which I don’t know how to feel about that. I know some people have a thing for people of colour (Asians are commonly a fetish too, for example) but then some guys also have a thing for super short girls? Um yeah. I’ll probably leave it at that.

I’m not sure if it was just me, but I deadass thought Seven was going to be a gangbanger. He was sooooo suspicious anytime King was mentioned (which I get King is with Seven’s biological mom, but still I can’t be the only one who was suspicious, right?). I have to give him props though for putting his sisters’ needs before his own and for also listening to Iesha’s point of view. This man doesn’t give on people easily, and that’s a nice change. 

The last thing I wanted to include in this spoiler section is Haliey. I just— wtf man. She perfectly embodies the issue and idk she gave me such Karen vibes. It’s so frustrating that she just accepted the newspaper’s article story at face value—I don’t even think she even took the time to listen to the other point of view. I’m so glad that Starr punched her in the face, even though that resulted in her getting in trouble. And it’s not even towards just Starr that she was racist! When Maya opened up about Haliey’s comments, I was pretty infuriated. I think Haliey’s comments came from a place of ignorance or a lack of education, but it just bothered me that she just brushed it off. Smh “it was just a joke” or “get over it” *rolls eyes* Just apologize, Haliey, and educate yourself, please. Actually, maybe she could take lessons from Mr. Warren, their english teacher because he was lowkey a G. I was pleased to see he was a teacher (who are often seen as role models) that actually gave a crap about Starr and what she was going through. I guess we just need to be more attentive to what people have to say and be more empathetic when they’re hurt.

[sincerelyreidburke]

Not to be angsty on main, but what’s Quindo’s first serious fight like? How long does it last?

Okay, anon, rest assured I have been meaning to answer your ask for quite some time, and please do forgive me for the delay. I was trying to figure out if I was going to write this or do a bullet-fic thing, and I’ve decided on a bullet-fic, mostly because writing it out would require me venturing into territory I’m not sure I could do justice.

But yes, let’s talk about this— because every couple comes to that point where they have their first Really Big Fight, and Quinn and Nando are no different. We’ll head under the cut for this. A little heads-up: this post has implied spicy content, but nothing at all that’s explicit or detailed. Also, there are references to alcohol and drug use pretty typical of a college party scene.

(Ask me anything about the crickets!)

- So the first thing we have to establish is that this takes place during junior year. Obviously, they have been dating for 2+ years by that point. And what I should note is that two years might seem like a long-ish time to date before having your first serious fight...

- Quinn and Nando have this very healthy thing going on where they bicker literally all the time. We know that Quinn constantly gets mad at him for stupid reasons, and that those instances ‘dissolve’, so to speak, just as quickly as they come about.

- Basically, Quinn and Nando— and this applies all their lives— function like a married couple who have been together for, like, 40 years. They don’t fight over petty things or keep any issues that arise bottled up like unhealthy teenagers; instead, they tell each other when there’s a problem, and they work it out.

- So the best way I can describe the way “fighting” manifests for them typically is “robust and healthy bickering”. I think it bears a little similarity to the way a lot of us imagine Nursey and Dex in a romantic relationship. They love each other, but of course they get on each other’s nerves.

- Do I mean that Quinn and Nando fight all the time? No, of course not. They love each other, and they’re very soft, and 99% of their bickering is rooted in very solvable problems.

- Also, Quinn is the instigator. I think it’s pretty obvious by now that Quinn is the pain in the ass in this relationship, and it’s really rare that Nando will initiate a bickering session.

- All this is to say that the reason they don’t have any kind of big fight until junior year is because their disagreements manifest instead in little spats that start and end quickly.

- But anyway. Onto this actual fight that takes place, because it’s distinctly different from the usual bickering they do.

- It’s, like, February of their junior year. For a little context, here are some things that are going on around this time— Quinn’s grandparents kicked him out around November, and he went home with Nando for Christmas break. I need to emphasize that everything about Christmas break in Arizona went very well, and the reason they fight early on in spring semester has nothing to do with that.

- There’s no big underlying issue that causes this. In other words, this isn’t the explosion of long-coming tension that results in a relationship breakdown. Because, spoiler alert, obviously this doesn’t break them up; they don’t even fight for more than a night. The fight is more just a product of each of them being stressed out for their own reasons, a case of poor communication, and frat party culture.

- So allow me to set the scene. The way this starts is at a Haus kegster. Nando lives in the Haus and has since sophomore year, and even though Quinn doesn’t, he’s manager by this point, and he spends a good deal of his time at the Haus. I should emphasize that Quinn has friends outside of SMH, mostly consisting of his theatre social circle, but he does spend a lot of his free time with the hockey boys, for obvious reasons.

- It’s a typical kegster, for the most part. But Quinn is a little on-edge. He has a number of things going on: first, the lingering awful of being disowned, which, despite the fact that he has a wonderful found family, is still something he thinks about. Then there’s school-related stress, because the boy does, after all, want to go to medical school, and he’s now reached the point where he’s prepping for the MCAT and his grades are very very important and on top of it all he’s a double major, so the academic stress is... well, it’s getting to him.

- Plus, he’s manager of the team, which requires a lot of work of him, and he has the drama club, which he could never imagine giving up for a second, but they’re in the heat of spring musical rehearsal season, and the short and the long of it is: Quinn is busy. So busy. And so stressed-out. And this kegster is one of the first times in awhile he’s emerged from his academic/theatre/manager cave to do something social.

- What does any of this have to do with Nando? Well, it doesn’t... until it does. The thing about Quinn being so busy is that it’s made it so he’s having trouble seeing Nando at times other than, like, bedtime. If they’re not falling asleep or waking up together, they’re probably rushing off to one of their million obligations. It’s made it so they haven’t been on a date in a little while, and things have just been busy ever since the semester started.

- They also haven’t really gotten, like, private time, if you know what I mean by that, where they’re both feeling up to it, in maybe like three weeks or so.

- So at this kegster. Nando is playing pong with Rhodey, because, as a frat boy, it is part of his brand. And he’s having a grand old time. Quinn is nearby, because he sticks to his side at parties.

- Quinn is straight-up not having a good time, as the kids say. Everything is really loud and he’s feeling sensitive to it, and he can’t stop thinking about all the schoolwork he has to catch up on tomorrow, and he has lines to memorize, and he feels guilty for even being here at all right now, but all he wants is Sebastián’s attention. He needs some comfort. There’s also maybe weed at the party (Nando doesn’t smoke but Rhodey probably does), and Quinn is not a fan of drugs, for childhood trauma reasons.

- So he decides he wants to leave. Here’s the problem. Nando has been drinking a little, like he typically does at kegsters, and Nando is having fun. Nando is also a little too under the influence to realize how stressed-out Quinn is.

- So when Quinn is like, Sebastián, I’d like to leave now, Nando is like, babe, I can’t just leave in the middle of a pong game.

- And this upsets Quinn. He gets more emphatic. Like, I said I want to leave. And a little disclaimer: if sober, Nando would understand right away that something was wrong with him. Quinn isn’t the type to get overwhelmed at parties super easily, and Nando just... I’m not saying that being drunk is an excuse for failing to pick up on cues of your partner’s distress, but I’m just providing an explanation for why he does so.

- I also don’t think either of them is really “in the wrong” in this situation. I just think it’s an instance of Quinn being upset, and Nando not realizing how upset he actually is. Nando doesn’t deliberately ignore his stress at all. He just does not register that it’s actual stress and not just Quinn deciding randomly that he’s done with the party.

- Because Nando’s (slightly drunk) rationale is, okay, we can leave in like five minutes; I just want to finish my pong game.

- Quinn maybe overreacts just a little. As we know, Quinn Cooper is a little dramatic. Is his stress valid? Of course. Is him wanting to leave a party if Nando isn’t ready to leave a crime? Absolutely not. I’m just saying, the boy is a little dramatic.

- So he leaves, and Nando doesn’t actually realize that Quinn is gone until he sinks a shot and turns around to give him a kiss or do whatever he does when a pong game is going well.

- And oh, shit— Quinn is actually gone.

- Okay, now he’s leaving mid-pong game. He looks all around the Haus, and when he doesn’t find him, he goes outside, where he can see Quinn on the porch. The cold combined with the realization that Quinn is mad at him sobers him up a little.

- They fight on the porch. It’s not so explosive of an argument that it’s embarrassing or makes other people uncomfortable, but it’s definitely a disagreement. It’s kind of like, baby, why did you leave? / because I want to go, and you were being an asshole. / I didn’t even know what was wrong! You can’t just walk out like that without telling me— / I shouldn’t have had to explain. I wanted to leave, and you should have listened. / but I didn’t realize you were actually upset— / I know! I get it. It’s fine. I didn’t even want to come to this stupid party. / Why are you so mad right now?

- Et cetera. Blah blah blah. This goes on for quite some time. Quinn basically tells him that he’s really stressed out and that coming to this kegster was a bad idea and he’s sorry he disrupted his night, and that he’s going back to his dorm now. He walks away, and starts down the street.

- Nando runs down the street and yells after him. It’s a little dramatic, like they’re in the obligatory fleeting angst part of a rom-com.

- But Quinn has shut his hearing aids off, because he does not feel like listening, and Nando realizes this pretty quickly. Quinn is aware of the moment when Nando falls into step next to him, and they walk back to Quinn’s room in total silence. It’s relatively tense, but Nando feels a little more clear-headed now that he’s realized they’re actually having an argument, and he wants to fix it. He’s aware that a little more fighting might be necessary in order to do so.

- When they get back to Quinn’s room, and the door is shut behind them, Quinn takes this long breath and turns his ears back on, and Nando is convinced he’s about to get yelled at. He’s used to getting ‘yelled at’ by Quinn in a bickering, loving way (*swat* Sebastián!!!!!!!), but what happened on the Haus porch felt a little more serious, and he thinks this might be similar.

- Instead of yelling at him, Quinn kisses him.

- They work out the tension in an alternative way, let us say. I think we can imagine what happens. I won’t elaborate on it, but it’s, like, a little rougher of an encounter than is typical for them, and it’s charged with whatever has been building up during the argument.

- They don’t talk about it that night. Instead, they fall asleep.

- In the morning, they talk about it. Quinn apologizes first. Nando tells him he doesn’t need to apologize, and that he’s sorry he didn’t pay more attention when he was obviously not doing well at the kegster.

- Because this is Quinn and Nando and I am incapable of writing angst that doesn’t get resolved in some way, it basically ends in this talk under the covers in Quinn’s bed where they air all their recent stresses and confess that they miss the time they always spend together that has been lacking in their recent busy lives.

- Also, they’re both a little roughed-up. They take care of each other’s, uh, evidence of the night before, shall we say.

- Nando promises he’ll pay special attention from now on and take into account everything that Quinn has on his plate, and Quinn says he won’t take his stress out on him.

- By the way, Nando is a really good boyfriend to Stressed-Out Quinn. This incident is a very specific exception.

- So is this a pretty trivial disagreement? Yeah. But sometimes, you have big fights over trivial disagreements. I’m counting this as their ‘first big fight’ because it’s the first time that either of them is genuinely afraid it might escalate into something that keeps them not speaking for multiple days. And I think if Nando had let Quinn walk away from the Haus and not gone after him, instead returning to the kegster, it would have been a bigger deal.

- Anyway, they’re okay, because they really do tend to turn out okay. 

I hope this satisfies your need for angst, anon, because I do know it’s not the world’s most angsty thing. There is, of course, other angst between the two of them, as they do spend their lives together. But they have a really healthy relationship, and huge blowout fights are pretty hard to come by.

Thank you for the ask!!!

[unordinary-analysis]

EPISODE 157

I know I said I would be right back, but I literally forgot about this the second I typed that and then i literally got so exhausted I couldn’t concentrate on anything so sorry for literally wasting a bunch of time, but here it is lol

This isn’t proofread either bc its three in the morning and im pretty tired of reading words

Honorable mentions:

I really want to see Remi with her hair down. Like, without the bow, strands of hair in her face kind of down…

Every once in a while I have to say this somewhere: I need Claire to be returned to UnOrdinary, thank you, it’s been a while since I said that, i had to again

Not really gonna metion John worrying about Seraphina because that’s to be expected plus he doesn’t really know anything about why she was acting weird to it doesn’t matter

I think I’m going to go through all four of the characters in this chapter and talk about each of their stances because that’s the only thing i can think to do

Arlo:

God, it seems like I say this anytime the other royals questions his decisions. Arlo is the best leader that I’ve seen in UnOrdinary. His ability to see the bigger picture most of the time paired with his ability to command others and have them listen: he’s unique in this sense from all of the others characters in UnOrdinary.

And that’s why it infuriates me so much when the others question him, god. I’ve said this shit too many times, that I don’t want to repeat myself, but if you search up #episode 152, and maybe one other that I can’t seem to find, on my page, I rant about this there. Arlo is just the best leader ever and I want everyone to know that.

Anyway, so Arlo comes in all sulky and stuff. Sulky is far from the right word, but I can’t think at the moment i guess so yeah. Anyway, this is understandable. All Arlo’s been saying for forever is that everyone just needs to leave John alone. At one point in time, he was the only person who really knew about John that was of consequence (Meili and Ventus don’t really count. I wonder where they are right now lmao). He knew from, when was that, around episode 80? Anyway, ever since the other royals have become involved with Tuesday, Arlo always warns them against it. You would think that one of them would have listened to him, but I don’t think anyone did. Not even when they knew that Arlo had already fought him, that he knew so much about him. Still, nobody heeded Arlo’s advice, which he was only giving because he didn’t want to see any of them hurt. But the royals, especially Remi, ignored all of his warnings and now they’re in the hospital, so, yeah, it’s understandable that Arlo is kind of grouchy when he comes in. He doesn’t lash out though, because he’s a great leader and knows that will accomplish nothing except for lowering morale (i will NOT stop saying this lol).

Everything I said here is basically pointed out by Remi. Which is great. I appreciate that she doesn't look past her mistakes in an attempt to hide from her emotions like she did when she was fighting EMBER. Remi tends to ignore her own emotions by acting and while I get it, at the same time, it’s wildly irresponsible.

Anyway, back to Arlo because this is his section: his advice for what to do about John is that should just let him be, which the advice he gives every time that Remi has asked that smh, but at least she doesn’t really argue with this. She does try to shut that idea down though… but ill talk about that in Remi’s section. There’s too much of her in this one. I don’t like it. Anyway, back to what Arlo was thinking. Arlo, as always, has the right idea. He knows that there is literally no other choice other than to sit back and watch things happen because a. John is the rightful king and can do whatever he wants and it is not against the rules because b. John publicity defeated every single royal in combat. Some at the same time. It really isn’t an option for the former royals to try to fight back against him again because for gods sake, have of them are in the hospital…

Anyway, there’s not actually that much for me to say about Arlo in this one other than the fact that his leadership goes under appreciated and they always regret not listening to him.

Blyke:

Blyke is in sad boi hours right now. He hasn’t spoken a lot when Arlo and Isen arrive, but he’s probably lost in thought. Not good thoughts, bad thoughts. Blyke… he has really just lived out one of his worst nightmares, he’s given in to one of his biggest insecurities. Blyke failed by a.) not recognizing John as Tuesday even though they share the same down and b.) losing so horrifically to Tuesday. We all know Blyke is worried if he’ll be a good enough king when the time comes and Arlo has to leave. This incident didn’t help that worry. Blyke even talks about it out loud. I’m actually really worried for Blyke. He’s been hit really hard recently and it’s like he’s falling down this pit of self-hate and anxiety. My man was even bringing up like EMBER, talking about how he ‘failed’ then too, even though he clearly was the hero in that situation. He says, “So much has happened… with all that EMBER stuff… and now John becoming Joker… We couldn’t handle any of it,” which is what I just explained, but then he continues and goes, “I was already having doubts about my capabilities… But this last fight really opened my eyes. I’m weak.” This is Blyke’s really insecurity. The root of all of his other anxiety is the feeling that he isn’t good enough, that he’s going to let everyone down.

Also, Blyke doesn’t have anywhere to really go because, yeah, he shares a dorm with John, but that’s not that big of a deal right now because he’s in the hospital and he’s got Isen to go to like he has before. Still pretty sad though. The constant reminder of his ‘failure.’ Tuesday was his roommate that he treated like trash this whole time and now anytime Blyke thinks of his home, he’ll remember that. :(. I’m sad. I really like Blyke actually.

Remi:

Okay so I’ve already talked about Remi a bit in Arlo’s section. I’ll try to elaborate on some of that (barely) because this is the proper section.

First of all, Remi apologizing. I was happy about this because, it’s been too many times that Remi or some other royal doesn’t listen to Arlo. It’ about time someone apologized. I’m mostly happy, however, because Remi is finally acknowledging that she knows how naive she generally is, which always used to get on my nerves. I’ve called her a bad queen for this, and I stand by that still, but now it’s nice to see Remi herself recognizing that, even if it’s a bit of a sad thing to see.

But then literally the next thing that comes out of her mouth is that they have to go and stop John and I literally facepalm, I’m so sorry I’m probably being really biased here by my opinions on Remi, but really. Not much more to say on this other than I agree with Arlo.

I do have something else to comments on briefly, though

After Blyke spills his problems, his worries, after he says that he is too weak to even take care of himself, Remi says nothing. She just… sits there. This is probably one of the only instances in this chapter of Remi’s growth, but maybe I’m being a bit too harsh on her, but seriously…? I was expecting her to step in soon after Blyke started talking. I was definitely expecting to see her talk after Blyke says, “-this last fight really opened up my eyes. I’m weak.” Remi has always been close to Blyke. She’s also always been so positive and reassuring to others. I’m not sure if the absence of this in this scene is distance from Blyke (lost in her own thoughts), or agreement with what he’s saying about them. I don’t know. I just,,, thought this was something I should point out. She really left Blyke like that. But honestly, with how she was acting before, though, I think she’s feeling really similar to Blyke, herself. Both of them have been pretty self-deprecating this episode.

Isen:

After saying hi, Isen literally says one thing the whole episode and it’s that Blyke can stay with him, so there’s not really anything there oof. Would’ve been pretty cool to see him interact with Remi more, but I always appreciate Isen whenever, so it’s no big deal.

———————————————————-

Gavin and Tuesday: (two completely different ideas here. First one is right below this and second one is further below)

Now we’re moving to that scene of Tuesday and Gavin and like..??? What the fuck was that

Is John just going to go after anyone who’s ever hurt him before now? I’m not going to lie, it doesn’t make sense. John literally spent such a long time without using his powers and never really came close to using them until Arlo interfered. If he is truly going after the people that hurt him in the past, that’s a very impulsive thing to do, and John’s control over his own power and the restraint he possesses makes me believe that he isn’t an impulsive person. Maybe at New Bostin, but he’s changed since then. I know know he’s being forced into a similar position to that he held at New Bostin, but after all this time, and the horrendous experience that John’s already lived through concerning his old school, I still believe that John would try to avoid the same thing happening here at all costs. Even when he snapped and went after all of the royals, he only did it to take down the hierarchy, which gave power to the powerful and took from the already weak. It just doesn’t make sense that John’s going after Gavin now, someone that’s only real connection that I believe we know of to John is that they fought in like episode two or something. Gavin is barely a mid-tier. If John really was trying to stay away from being the monster he used to be, I don’t think he would purposely hunt this one kid thats much weaker than him and literally barely interacted with him. It’s clear that John would win that fight, so what’s the point.

And obvious argument is that maybe, John is slowly turning back into the person he was at New Bostin. Maybe even after all of those readjustment classes and reflecting and repressing of his powers, John still can’t run from who he is, what he is. Maybe the monster that surfaced at New Bostin, maybe he can’t escape that.

And as much as I love that, which I admit, I would (do you know how interesting that would be?), I’m not sure if the evidence supports that..? I don’t know, it might, but the fact that all of (all of them right?) the times John has fought someone has either been as revenge for hurting Seraphina or because he was trying to take down the hierarchy, which I’ve already said doesn’t support John returning to the person he was. For all of his attacks, John has had something for each: a motive. This isn’t that special, though because John had motives even back when he was at New Bostin because literally that was the entire plot of that history lol. I don’t know. So basically, this fight with Gavin is very reminiscent of whenever Tuesday would fight those people that hurt Seraphina.The royals were the result of a feeling of injustice, but everything else stemmed from the motive of revenge. John has always used his revenge as an acceptable motive when deciding whether or not to act on something. Whether he realizes it or not, it’s the real connection between him and the old John. Their need for revenge ruined everything for them. John couldn’t handle when Claire betrayed him so he beat her up as a consequence. Hunting down Sera’s assaulters and absolutely demolishing her kidnappers show this too. And so does this scene. John is hunting down Gavin over revenge, and as long as John fuels his need for revenge, he’ll never be able to truly escape his past. So maybe the evidence does support John slowly regressing back into the person he was, despite his wishes. He’s changed so much since Now Bostin, but sadly, he hasn’t been able to shake his tendency to hold grudges until he literally cannot contain them any longer and he lashes out.

It was kind of weird how hesitant John acted at the end of this encounter, though, because he just let Gavin go, but I’ve decided to ignore this because the fact that the character this happens with is Gavin, I refuse to believe that this whole thing is insignificant (wrong word but words are hard.)

Second idea:

Okay so apparently the person appeared as Tuesday at the like middle of this episode, apparently there’s a chance that it wasn’t actually John. This has been brought to my attention in the comments of this post so this little bit has been added a day after I initially posted this.

The argument is that because the person presented as Tuesday in this week’s episode has yellower eyes than John does, it could be some person only pretending to be Tuesday, which is obviously a possibility because Tuesday has already been established as the most powerful student at Wellston, but nobody know who he is. So any random mid-tier or something could just put a mask on and use a bit of their powers to scare anyone off (anyone would be too scared to fight Tuesday) and they’ll basically control the school cus people would take the imposter for the king. Anyway, before I get more into this, here are the pictures comparing John’s Tuesday and this episode’s Tuesday:

It’s pretty clear that the eyes of these two characters are a different color, but not too different that it’s that noticeable, which is why I didn’t notice this at first until it was pointed put to me. I wonder if this was even intentional... I feel like, if uru-Chan even ever meant for people to notice that Tuesday looks different, she would’ve used a much more different color. Or maybe one of the people that help her with coloring forgot what color eyes Joker had because John when his powers aren’t being used: they’re yellow. So, I’m not even completely sure that this Tuesday in this episode isnt John.

But at the same time... there’s some things I can’t help considering that make me think it’s more and more likely that this is someone different. First of all, this is honestly something really big to miss. Uru-Chan is a professional... it’s hard to believe she could’ve let this slide when her work has always been so meticulous. Also: with the way things went down this episode... it was kind of suspicious. I already talked about it a bunch above in the first part of this section that I posted first. But I didn’t really touch on why Tuesday just let Gavin walk because... well, I’ll be honest, I didn’t really know what to make of it. I even said that I’d elected to ignore it because it confused me... But if the Tuesday from this episode really isn’t John, then it all makes sense again. Like I said earlier in this half of the section, someone impersonating Joker wouldn’t really have to fight anyone to benefit from his power because everyone knows that Joker could kick their ass anyway, so it’s pointless to pick a fight. If this episode’s joker had decided to pursue Gavin, it could’ve lead them to a fight they would’ve been unprepared for.

Obviously, there’s more to talk about for this theory, like what this could possibly mean for John, for Wellston, or who it could possibly be, but because I’ve already posted this as a separarte episode analysis, I would rather save that for either a separate post this week, or as part of the next episode’s analysis. Thanks for reading and sticking with me and thanks @sunshines-and-tatertots alerting me to this lol.

Cecile and John:

So, Cecile’s understandably pissed at John because he isn’t claiming his power and that’s literally the only reason she’s siding with him. Because she wants him to be the king. I makes sense that she’s upset that he’s literally doing nothing instead of becoming king which would be the natural thing to do.

John’s response is literally that she needs to calm down, and while I get that he doesn’t feel the need to shove himself into the spotlight especially considering how he wants to keep his secret from Sera, that’s just going to piss off Cecile more. Or at least is would if she wasn’t so terrified of John, which she obviously is. I think John is more than Cecile can handle, and she wasn’t excepting that. Hell, it probably takes a lot to get to that level...

This has me thinking though… what could this kind of turmoil cause…? I’m hoping that maybe (pretty pretty please), Cecile will try to leave John’s side and join Arlo and the other royals the money i would pay to see that ugh… that potential…

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 jae

following my uni!au with young k (idk how to link my own post asbajdnskmd im Dumb) so here another one with jae lol i think im gonna make one for each one of them buttttttt no promise bc my brain works in a very mysterious way LOL

anyway leggo

warning: this is lame lmaooooo

name: park jaehyung / jae

major: politic science

other activities: guitarist (and sometimes vocalist) of university band, member of music club, founder and leader of LOL SQUAD

everyone knows that tall skinny guitarist of the band i mean he’s hard to ignore tbh

he always wears loose T-shirt, ripped jeans, a cap that he puts backward, and round big specs to campus

professors hate his ripped jeans but can’t really say anything because oh well style doesn’t define someone’s grades and boy, does this kid actually get some braincells in him

well i mean at least he never fails his classes

he has this giant LOLSQUAD badge on his backpack because he’s proud af of his title as the club founder and leader

he actually started that club so he could to brag about his gaming skill to everyone who wanted to listen but he ends up getting his ass handed to him every single time they play together smh

if he’s not in class or hanging out with his game buddies, he can be seen following that Popular Student™ kang younghyun or as jae prefers to call him, “brian” or “brIBRI” because they both joined music club and are in the band

yes yes he’s well known and easy to spot

but…

“jae? park jaehyung?? who???”

everyone refers to him as “that foreigner student”, “the American guy” or “the gamer guy”, or my favorite: “chicken little”

i will never let that joke die im sorry but seriously he looks like chicken when he plays his guitar on the stage don’t @ me

there are only like 5 students in the whole university who know his actual name

anyways in this scenario you’ve always been interested in playing guitar but haven’t gotten a chance to learn and your friend kim wonpil invites you to join music club so you’ll have friends to practice with

“you know our jaehyungie, right? he’s really chill, you’ll get along well with him!!”

deep inside you’re like

who the heck is jaehyung

but wonpil is so excited to have you there so the next week you come to the club meeting

you introduce yourself to everyone and finally you meet him

“ohmygod the chicken little!!”

“whO THE HECK ARE YOU CALLING THAT”

“sorry- i mean the chicken guitarist- wait no-”

he glares at you, you laugh instead

scaring the new member challenge: failed

but yeah you’d seen him performing before and honestly you almost decided to become his fan

a l m o s t

at first he (jokingly) refuses to teach you guitar because you called him chicken little

and since then you keep calling him that just to mess with him

“hi chicken little”

“what’s poppin chicken little”

“why do you look so flustered, chicken little? do i make you nervous??”

he turns red chicken little is now an angry bird “gO AWAY NEWBIE YOU’RE SO ANNOYING”

jae’s a foreigner but he speaks fluent korean

he tells you that even though he was born and grew up in america he always speaks the language with his parents

but of course since he lives abroad there are lots of words or slang he doesn’t know, so you gotta be an ass and slip some difficult words when you speak to him

he gets his revenge by replying to you in english

whenever you two are having an argument (usually over stupid things) everyone in the club suddenly gets headache

wtf they’re not even making any sense

besides music, jae is the most excited when talking about LOL or social topics because well his major

honestly idk much about politic science so cmiimw

one time someone asks for his opinion about social welfare and he ends up starting a sudden debate session with the said person about social welfare programs in south korea and america and the difference between both countries

you mention human rights and he sNAPS

i mean he gives a full 15 mins speech about it

“yknow what im sayin?”

“dude… i honestly don’t get it at all”

because he be speaking in full english like wat

he’s just so passionate about everything it’s almost adorable

a l m o s t

and it’s not only his passion but also his small eyes, his laugh, his voice, or the way he occasionally lifts his head to look at you while playing guitar and you smile and he smiles because you smile first shnshsbshs soft

even the corners of his lips are so cute wow

oh fuck im emo i love him

but you adore him just as a good friend

he’s always been bubbly and friendly with everyone, not just you, so yeah it’s really easy to fall for him but you assure yourself that you’re nOT

are we having “in denial” shit again omg im so uncreative

anyway fast forward it’s ur birthday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY

you decide to throw a small party at your place and invite 5 or 6 of your closest friends but damn on the d-day it rains so hard

if ur bday falls on winter then change it to snowing hard, if it’s spring then maybe there’s strong wind or something, whatever suits you fam lol

so no one comes to your party lol you are Sad

BUT THEN!!!! JAE SHOWS UP!!!!!

PARK JAEHYUNG

OUT OF ALL PEOPLE

no you didn’t invite him because idk

are we really that close??? ehhhh he probably won’t come anyway haha why bother

BUT!!!! HE SHOWS UP!!! IN FRONT OF YOUR DOOR!!!

he’s carrying an umbrella but it didn’t really help apparently because he’s soaking wet

imagine that view i mean nvm

“i happened to be near here and i remember it’s your birthday today so i think i’m gonna drop by to say hi and suddenly it’s raining too hard on the way but anyway happy birthday can you let me in first i’m cold”

ofc you let jae in i mean we can’t let the chicken catch the flu amirite

but you warn him that he’ll have to leave before 11 or your RA will kick you both out the dorm lol

after a towel, two cups of hot tea, and one shared piece of chocolate cake, you told him you were supposed to have a small party tonight but no one could make it because of the rain and he’s like “hOW DARE YOU HAVING A PARTY BUT NOT INVITING ME I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL” and you’re just like “lol shut up chicken here eat more cake”

anyways you two spend time joking and talking about random stuff and it’s probably not the best birthday ever but at least you don’t have to spend it alone and to be honest you’re happy that he’s here

then jae pulls out his ultimate weapon

i mean his guitar

he was soaking wet but the guitar is clean and dry and all fine like hoW EVEN

“priorities” -park jaehyung

he said he gonna play a song of your choice because he came empty handed and he feels bad about it

you blush and pick whatever song comes to your mind because you can’t really think of any, and he starts strumming his guitar and sings

and while he keeps looking at you, you find yourself too can’t take your eyes off him

the song ends and you’re about to clap your hands when he suddenly starts another one

wait you’ve never heard this song before

it’s a slow song and the lyrics are all like, the sky turns dark on the birthday of the brightest star so that it’ll be the only light in his world, how he feels regretful that he has nothing to give but his small heart, and he hopes that this lovely person will hold his hand as they listen to this song together, that this lovely person will feel warm beside him

guys just imagine the song okay i can’t Romance

it’s dead silent until you whisper, “is that… a song for me?”

jae’s face turns red and he starts panicking™ like “i made up the lyrics just now okay i know it’s fricking sappy and cheesy as hell okay i just uhhh want to cheer you up!!!! because you seem kinda down!!!!! let’s not talk about this again uGh WhatEvER leT Me LIvE!!!!!”

but you chuckle and thank him, it was the best present you can get from anyone

you two stare at each other for a second that feels like years and he finally breaks the silence, “you know,,, maybe i came here on purpose,,, maybe actually i want to see you,,,”

“and why is it?”

“because i think,,, i miss you,,, kinda”

and you don’t say this out loud but maybe you do know that

even if you say you’ll never

in fact you’ve already fallen for him a bit

or perhaps a lot

like a lot

then he leans in to kiss your lips and you kiss back and it’s almost not awkward at all, it just feels right as if you’ve kissed him million times before

a l m o s t

you two still blush real hard after

but yeah that’s how you two start dating

none of you two tell anyone about it but it’s pretty obvious, i mean jae always picks you up at your dorm, he walks with you to your class or vice versa (if your classes don’t overlap tho), you two keep stealing glances at each others, also—

jae with you: “hey,,,, come here sit with me u3u,,,,, did you have lunch??? oh i wrote a song last night check this out,,,, what are you gonna do this saturday? oml you’re so cute”

jae with everyone else: “HAHAHAHA FUCKING FUCK SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING PRICK ALSO BRIAN FUCKING KANG IF YOU STEAL MY FUCKING FRIES AGAIN I WILL LITERALLY SNAP YOUR FUCKING NECK”

welp actually he’s not always sweet with you, sometimes you two still argue about silly things using mixed languages but now everyone in the club knows better to just run away once it begins

because it’ll end up with you two fighting or you two kissing

yes im nasty and a disappointment bye

btw wonpil is excited af it’s almost like he’s dating you both

“it’s really nice seeing you two finally together!!!!!!! especially because jaehyung really couldn’t shut up about you ever since the first day you joined our music club”

“wait wha-”

“YOU SNAKE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET FUCK OFF”

I’m so in love with park jaehyung y'all hsnshsbsh aNYWAYS!!! 100 blocks limit has lifted from tumblr app AYEEEEE

[zepdeans]

this is highkey like a month late (i mean wbk im a chronic scatterbrain procrastinator) and she’s thicccc but without further ado. my skam s4 thoughts.

I first just want to say a couple things: im not a muslim woc so my thoughts on s4 don’t hold as much value as those of a muslim, woc, or a muslim woc. I also don’t know to what degree sana’s representation was true to real life. I made an effort to look for posts from muslim woc on sana’s season but to no real avail, especially given it’s been two years since skam ended and a lot of blogs have deactivated, changed urls, or posts have become buried :( [if you know of any good posts regarding sana’s season please lmk!]. from what I can recall in 2017, there were mixed opinions on s4 with most being upset (or at least disappointed) with the ultimate execution of sana’s storyline and I agree w that. while s4 means so much to me and has a really special place in my heart, I do 100% acknowledge its flaws. ok!!!!!! lets get into it😤

ep1 -as much as I wished isak stayed in kollektivet I’m glad he and even had a rlly sweet happy time this entire season. also evak making their friends move all their furniture while they whisper romantic shit to each other and makeout? peak comedy -you fuckin wish!!! -sana is the one to say “of course you should tell noora about william”.. she Knew and still takes the fall for it :( -this opening clip is such a jarring shift into sana’s pov!! e.g. while easy to overlook in previous seasons, sana’s exclusion from the girls is glaringly obvious once we’re looking through her eyes -adding onto that! sana is the friend who notices everyone else- she’s so observant, which hurts even more when you notice her friends don’t do the same (except mayhaps chris- in my heart of hearts I know chris is also the friend who notices and goes unnoticed, but unfortunately we don’t get enough of her and sana’s relationship this season to fully see that) -yousef and the balloon squad’s entrance.... ICONIC! also I cant believe for 2 seasons they presented those dickbag nissen 97s as the be all end all of hot amazing boys when the bakka third years were RIGHT THERE like,, the penetrators vs. balloon squad + even? no contest ma’am -also! it’s so interesting that we literally had no idea sana had a brother, or that yousef etc existed until now? it’s as if she has a whole private world at home, separate from her friends and nissen (and I think a theme of this season is those two worlds merging) -im obsessed w the yousana train scene but yousef being the only one who notices sana standing off to the side? ;-; -fy faen is such a stunning clip oh my god. when sana leaves to pray? possibly my favourite skam scene ever. it’s exquisite.  -sana is so cute and awkward squeezing thru the crowd shsdhgfhshdf I LOVE her love her -the last shot on yousef and noora... oh my GOD oh my god bc like. being that friend who never ever tells your real feelings or your crushes or is vulnerable with your friends?? and then having to listen to them talk about how good your crush would be with someone else (especially one of ur friends) while ur sitting there silently dying inside? and you don’t say anything since you can’t be vulnerable with your friends and u don’t think u stand a chance anyways so. (in the words of s3 noora. I think sana struck a nerve with the emotional unavailability! abbey r u ok) -this episode is a masterpiece and did such a phenomenal job of both introducing us to sana’s perspective while also touching on a multitude of her struggles AND establishing the themes of the season. plus the cinematography, editing, soundtrack and aesthetic...... o baby. (case in point I deadass just rewatched it after writing this)

ep2 -every shot of sana praying is beautiful (and beautifully edited!!) -sana’s room is usually messy... not smart enough to fully analyze this but I’m sure it means something  -an interesting contrast of what’s expected of her vs. of elias- I can’t speak for muslim families, but I know even in non-muslim families girls are always held to suchhh a higher standard (source: I have 2 brothers rip) -”if you find immaturity charming” hilarious bc sana actually does in fact find immaturity charming  -what’s interesting is how noora comes across in sana’s POV- kinda obnoxious, kinda ignorant, seemingly perfect (compared to how noora is portrayed in eva’s season, for example) -even is one of those ppl who uses the bill gates argument on why dropping out of school makes u richer sdfhfsjskfjfsd -sana staring down the pepsi max squad. fuck em up. -vilde adding magnus to the groupchat jfkjsjfdjfsfsdkj -isak missing eskild :’) sidenote I fucking live for isak and sana’s chats this season. they’re literally my lifeblood like.... 

ep3 -the kiss me scene god I go FERAL -“you need to pull it towards you, not push it away. okay?” yall mind if i SCREAM!! YOUSEF!!!!!!!!!! -there rlly is something about seeing sana, who in everyone else’s POV comes off as cold and harsh and stoic, just absolutely meltinggg when she talks w yousef like she doesn’t stop smiling she’s so sweet!!!! ah🥰 and yousef is 100% that guy who ppl tell “your gf is so intimidating and ruthless bro” and he’s like are y’all talking about sana??????? my baby?? my fuckin cinnamon apple????? -yousef’s lil smile watching sana peel carrots. 911 it’s me again -vilde and sana’s relationship has a really interesting dynamic bc like.. vilde says ignorant shit to sana while also genuinely looking up to her. and sana is probably the harshest to vilde within the group but it’s because she actually values their friendship a lot  -IM HURT BECAUSE YOU NEVER REPLIED TO MY MEME -sana pulling 2yr old receipts off the top of her head to defend vilde. god I stan -sana doin research taking notes..... shameful she isn’t canonically a virgo (honestly her and isak both but like-) -she’s so soft and smiley w her mamma awh... “of course he likes you, who doesn’t like you?” her mamma only knows the real, gentle, beautiful loving sana oh im CRY -even is so kind and loving and thoughtful yall mind if i....... -”you can’t escape the internet girl” foreshadowing mayhaps?

ep4 -david and ulrikke together are fucking hilarious -noora’s “you’re lucky you don’t have to think about this stuff, heartbreak and that” :/ it’s not just vilde who says ignorant things to sana! -that being said sana and noora are cute asf in the exper5 scene.. dorky noora rise (omg josefine and her yogurt in the bloopers too sjhfkjdf) -I HANDLE BALLS BETTER THAN YOU -the yousana scene is sooo gorgeous whew...... -I always cry a lil bit (ok a lot) when yousef brings up even. and sana knew too. even sweetie ily :( -sana talking about her religion is beautiful. it’s so lovely to learn about how she thinks and sees the world. -yousef’s smile watching sana leave like ur kidding right....... -“flawless since 99″ is so cringey. it’s so cringeyyy -sana uses “smh” I knew we were soulmates

ep5 -eavesdropping on ur parent/brother’s argument is peak sibling culture -when ur always paranoid but ur always right..... -sana’s green jumpsuit sign me up babey -I really really really love elias and sana’s conversation -u dont even realize how tiny sana is until she’s standing next to isak and even -not finding out why yousef avoided the fight and why he kissed noora will haunt me forever (could we not have expanded more on that instead of noorhelm.......) -the parallel of sana washing isak’s blood off her hands vs. her washing her hands during maghrib in episode 1. gotta sit down. -vilde gossiping to the pepsimax girls stings SO bad it’s just such a betrayal?:( -“the other girls seem cool, especially noora! she’s so pretty!” ok much to unpack here but: sana again comparing herself to noora (who she sees as /perfect/)... sana being written off despite putting so much effort and passion into the russ bus while noora, who has done literally nothing and at best is indifferent to russ, is the one they like the most. disgusteng -love will tear us apart.. bitch..... -sana abt to cry god I can’t -if sana is anything like me (I mean I think she is but jkjjkhsdfhfsd). looking stupid is the absolute worst so like, her sending out emails abt being bus boss when she was actually being lied to? being played? and her being “paranoid” about sara being shady, but deciding hey maybe im just being crazy? except she wasn’t she was right and she Knew!! and she’s probably thinking how dumb it was for her to get her hopes up, everything always ends badly anyways and no one actually likes her :((((((( -dont rlly know what my feelings are on the fight. im not against it bc isak does have a temper but his apparent motive always seemed weak to me?? and god I feel so bad for even

ep6 -forgot about sana getting bullied in middle school yall mind if I sob?? -sana lying and getting defensive bc it’s hard to be vulnerable, or because she hates looking stupid? or both?:( -isak looking up dandelions in his textbook just bc even put one behind his ear. I HATE this man -sana’s dad asking if she had a bad day aw :( -all the boys (and sana) wearing black but yousef wearing white.... what does it mean.............. -the carrots are back goddammit -radio station playing during this scene: “if I have to choose between the just non-muslim and the unjust muslim, without any doubt I would choose the non-muslim who is just” -ISAK’S NOSE SFFJDFJFSDKJSDF -sana’s text about chris I’m going to bawl my eyes out.           “yeah! looking forward (to going to nissen) but a bit worried. don’t know               anyone else starting there.”           (J: new friends?) “yes, at least one of them. I have german with her (chris)           and she’s very cool!” -the contrast of how blunt sana came off when we’re first introduced to her vs. how she was really just excited to make a new friend bc she was scared no one would like her :( especially knowing her past with bullying and how nervous she was to start at nissen? chris baby I LOVE YOU thank u ;-; -also sana keeping 2yr old conversations on her phone... same -sana is honestly too smart and scheming and overthinking for her own good. she has these elaborate plans that more-or-less always get ruined by her being more kind than she gives herself credit for (e.g. wanting to protect vilde in s1, clearing isak’s name in s4) -everyone in skam texts back so fast smh -chris calling sana “sonic”...... a moment please -I cannot watch the sana/evak apartment scene without thinking of the bloopers and losing it lmfaoooo.. “this is where we live. just come in” -ik it’s based off fanart but there is little I hate more than their matching outfits  -“remember you’re both geniuses!” 🥺even  -once again isak studying is uhhhh me - “you’re a good person” yall i love isak i really do. he puts his foot in his mouth pretty often and doesn’t have a great brain-to-mouth filter and he can be awkward and rambly and blunt and unsure of what to say in emotional situations but also? he’s so genuine. it’s just his honest thoughts and he says it bc he cares about sana and knows she needs to hear it!! -ᶠᵃᵉⁿ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ -sana’s inner turmoil.. thank u iman for inventing acting (ik I haven’t mentioned it much yet but god iman is SUCH a phenomenal actor I owe her my life) -LETS GO BITCHES

ep7 -sana crying silently in her room breaks my fucking heart (IMAN!!!!)  -idk how I feel about the instagram plot but sana watching as her plan falls into place and then storming up to sara... pretty bada$$ -“it’s creepy it was published but it’s more creepy we have a bus boss who talks shit about everyone” THANK YOU vilde -i love s4 isak thanks -sana and jamilla’s chat aw :~) -how awkward do yall think the walk to the bench was lmfao -what sana tells isak is SO powerful and I love it a lot -isak does actually make a good point- the other girls are like that too.  -unfortunately I have been in situations isak describes, where you want to learn more about your friend’s culture or religion because you care about them and you’re genuinely interested, but you don’t know what questions are okay to ask and you don’t want to sound rude or ignorant, so you ultimately end up asking no questions at all. but I hate that the responsibility is put on sana to constantly educate people bc I cannot imagine how exhausting that must be [[[ok so. I know there are VERY mixed opinions on the bench scene but here’s my dumbass two cents. 1- I genuinely think isak was trying to make sana feel better by attempting to relate to her and pass on advice that really helped him. however, I don’t think isak realized what sana eventually told him- that her experience wearing the hijab is a lot different than isak’s experience as a gay man. do I agree with everything isak said? nooo. do I understand why he said it? yeah. 2- it was not isak’s place to tell sana norwegians aren’t racist, or not to look for racism in questions. I think there’s some truth to ppl often just being ignorant, and he does add that there are probably a lot of racist people in Norway, but yeah. not great. 3- in conclusion I think while isak shared some meaningful advice w sana, he put his foot in his mouth too and said some stupid shit. im not trying to defend that. I will add, though: a. we actually do see some growth on isak’s part. when he and even are yelled at on the street, that’s the moment it clicks for him that oh shit, this is what sana was talking about. this is what she has to experience? and that’s why he texts noora, “in the speech for sana, you have to include how insanely strong she is. I don’t think many people understand how much bullshit she has to take” and b. isak’s (bad) advice of “not looking for the racism in things” is ultimately contrasted by yousef (a moc who lived most of his life as a muslim) suggesting instead to show people what islam really is. and that’s so much more meaningful. I think the root of a lot of the issues isak brought up- i.e. ignorance- is a general lack of education, representation, or effort by non-muslim people to seek out information themselves. so sana leading by example and showing what it means to her to be muslim is so much more powerful.]]] -𝒃𝒂𝒎!  -BEST BUDS 🥺

ep8 -haper du har plass weaving in and out of this episode until the chorus finally breaks when the los losers van shows up...... miss julie 😭 -oh my god the pictures. im a fucking MESS bc they’re not only significant to the scene and to sana but also like,, as part of our goodbye to the girls?? -the balloon squad and even :( while the timeline of them reconciling within just this week is kinda wack, seeing even back with his friends looking so happy makes my heart uwu so i’ll allow it just this once -eva’s message to vilde about her and magnus being able to trust each other w/o reading their texts... growth or irony -chris is such a phenomenal friend (and this is why I wanted more of her in s4!!) -sana’s phonecall to the girls breaks my fucking heart bc like. right off the bat she’s finally being vulnerable with them?? telling them about her fears and insecurities and struggles? typing this im gonna start crying lol but god I love her so much. she’s so brave and she put all that on the line bc all she really cares about are her friends, she loves them SO much even if (she thinks) they don’t love her back -lowkey sobbed so hard during the haper du har plass clip I almost threw up and it gave me a headache :)  -anyways this is one of my favourite skam clips and god just. the moment you hear the girls calling for sana??? I LOSE it. when sana just starts BEAMING omg🤧 the girls love sana and support her and if you fuck with sana you fuck with us!!!!!! god. cannot articulate how dear to my heart this scene is. -haper du har plass feels like the end of the episode and the party clip is kinda just tacked on but I love how happy everyone is!! they’re all drinking champagne (who taught isak how to hold things) and dancing and smilingggg 💛 -yousana rise!!!!!!!!  -ok don’t get me wrong I hate william for crashing the party but their entrance slow-mo kinda slaps.... also sana popping up in between noorhelm SENDS me

ep9 -this is the point in the season where the amount of time dedicated to noorhelm is beyond beyond beyond significantly damaging to the story. this is sana’s last episode!! instead of having them makeout in front of william’s car for 20 minutes mayhaps we could’ve had a conversation between the girls and sana, or with her brother (if they had continued the elias alcoholism plotline rip), or maybe even with jamilla or her mamma? like I don’t care at ALL about noora or william. give me anything else. ple a s e -what makes skam scenes so brilliant is their quiet moments!! julie let the scene breathe. not everything needs a tacky song playing over top. -I’ve said this abt like twenty clips now but MAGHRIB. oh my GOD. an absolute masterpiece and definitely tied for my all time favourite skam clip. can’t rlly put into words how stunning it is. & I love sana and yousef’s conversation so much. -“of course I brought food! my name is yousef!” mr. acar you’re the only man I trust

ep10 -as much as my heart yearns for 10 sana episodes I think splitting up the last episode of skam into individual POV clips for different characters was brilliant and such a poignant way to say goodbye :( -okay don’t think about what sana could’ve written in her texts to everyone or ur heart will go sicko mode -I won’t write anything abt this ep since I’ve already written too much but like.. (elias should’ve gotten a clip instead of william. pchris can stay because his clip was funny but he’s on thin fuckin ice) -kjaere sana was such a beautiful way to say goodbye to skam. so yeah. bye skam. i miss you. 

overall ➔I’m not really sure why (possibly a lethal combination of my undying love for sana bakkoush, how much I relate to her, this but my ass was crying EVERY single episode of season 4...... F ➔I’m obsessed with s4′s aesthetic. imo the best editing, soundtrack and cinematography of any season!!!! julie is so talented at making each season feel distinct- to me, sana’s season is cool, vibrant colours (aka the late-night sunset aesthetic- gabie i hear u laughing shut up), crisp electronic/pop music and rap, ethereal city nights..... also sana has the best style of any skam character it had to be said ➔sana’s growth! seeing her open up and be honest and vulnerable with the girls during that phone call. sana sending all of her friends literally the sweetest messages of how much they mean to her and how much she values their relationship. sana being the (MUCH) bigger person and making amends with sara, ingrid etc. I love her so much :’((( ➔I’ve thought a lot about what I would change in season 4 and honestly? im a mf scatterbrain and have no real, structured ideas. my biggest issue is too much noora. dream s4 would be william staying in london and noora being happy on her own (but not rly on her own bc she has the girls and kollektivet!). as :/ as I am about the noora/yousef plotline, I’m not really sure what I’d do to replace the yousana conflict in ep5. maybe involving elias, or the balloon squad and even? related to that- in lieu of all the noora/noorhelm screentime, I would so much rather have a follow-up plot to elias’s drinking problem bc it was kinda just dropped? at the very least, the william clip should’ve been elias’s. I also would've killed for more one-on-one scenes with chris (even vilde or eva!), jamilla, even, members of the balloon squad... there are so many interesting stories that could’ve been explored instead of going down the noorhelm rabbithole again. furthermore, I feel like the social media plot was a bit... weak? again I’ve tried thinking of what I would’ve done instead (while also keeping the haper du har plass clip, y’all can pry that one from my cold dead hands) to little avail. what especially threw me about this plotline is that sana did this in s2 to jamilla, fucked up, and it bit her in the ass. I know that she gets irrational when angry but from a storytelling perspective, it seems repetitive. just.. I feel like there could’ve been a more powerful plot in which sana follows the same character arc. another thing I would’ve loved to see is beyond the los losers van, an apology from the girls to sana. or even just a conversation where they tell her “hey sana, we’re sorry for not paying attention and we’re sorry for being thoughtless/ignorant.” an apology from vilde about things she’s said in the past would’ve been <3. even a gesture! the girls order pizza again but this time it’s halal, or they make an effort to learn about sana’s religion and culture. I know it’s implied through the letter they write for sana, but a final standalone scene would’ve been so nice.  ➔i’ve noticed soo many remakes do this thing where they like.. water down shitty behaviour of their characters. which like- sure. I would love for everyone to be kind and thoughtful and not as horrible as they could be but also... I think that’s the point of skam? to show that people fuck up, but that doesn’t define them as a person. no one is perfect and no one can be thoughtful and considerate and kind all the time. and often these ‘problematic’ actions are integral to the story- e.g. elias saying stupid comments to isak (related to isak’s internalized homophobia and fear of coming out to his friends), the girl squad being ignorant about what sana can eat, etc. so..... your remake is not better because it erased every horrible action every character has done. (nuance.. where r u.........) ➔despite its flaws, I will say- the good moments of season 4? ineffable. I think we sometimes forget that julie literally wrote, directed, and I believe (?) assisted w editing and soundtrack too. i cant imagine doing all that under so much pressure, trying to bring so many storylines to a conclusion whilst simultaneously creating a goodbye-season to a show she put her life into the past two years. I’m so fucking appreciative of her. and you know what? all in all julie wrote some pretty damn beautiful episodes and scenes, and you can tell she loves this show just as much as we do. ➔and honestly this is maybe one reason I’m more wary of watching remake s4′s, bc like.. this season meant SO much bc it was the last season of skam. we knew it was the last season. the final episode is more or less a love letter, a goodbye to the show. whereas w some remakes (do i have to say whomst) its  like.. that love isnt there. it’s just another season. yknow? in conclusion I miss skam so much :(

ok whew if ur reading this ur a champion but also why did you just read 5k of me rambling about how much I love sana bakkoush?? 

[jamesnelsonart]

Batman: White Knight Review

Folks, I can’t always let you know when a comic is bad. I don’t have the energy. A lot of bad comics are created every day, and to catalogue the reasons why Action comics issue 724342 didn’t appeal to me would be an exercise in futility and pain. No, when I see a bad comic usually the most it’s guilty of is being boring or not making a lot of sense and maybe the art isn’t put together very well. So I just ignore said media if I don’t like it. Maybe I’ll joke about it a bit with friends, but why spend my life on such things? You already know where this shit is going-- I’m about to break my code here. Every now and then, I discover something uniquely bad. It’s bad in a way I never could have even considered. It’s bad in a way that demands my attention, and I simply have to think about it, and then share my pain with others. That comic book is Batman: White Knight, and boy does it blow.

It’s honestly hard to tell where to begin with this review because if you think about any bad part of this book for more than one minute you’ll immediately be reminded of another bad part that relates to the first bad part, and so on and so on. It’s an interconnected network of bad. A true spider web of shit, full of parts all intersecting into an intricately dumb design. A painstakingly-made pyramid of poop, with each brick being laid as the foundation for something even worse than what came before it. I suppose I should start with the premise and work my way down from there.

What if, and hear me out here, what if the Joker became a good guy? And Batman… get this… was a bad guy??????? That’s the whole gist of Batman: White Knight. The white knight in the title is Joker, because he is a very pale dude from that chemical bath he took in his origin story. So that’s the premise. You understand the title. Now usually in superhero comics a shake-up like this might last for about a year before a return to the status quo, but White Knight takes place in an alternate universe, so write/artist Sean Gordon Murphy has the opportunity to make some big changes that will stick since there’s no worry about it impacting the main DC universe. Characters have the potential to die for good or change permanently here, and with the idea of the Joker becoming good you could get a pretty wild story here with some twists and turns. So why the fuck does nothing happen in this story!? Oh sure, this is a comic so actions do indeed occur. Events take place across a series of panels as they do in all sequential storytelling… But damn, this comic is a whole lot of nothing! It positions itself as a big shakeup, Batman as you’ve never seen him before! Only, it isn’t. This story is the safest fucking thing I’ve read disguised as an edgy, you-didn’t-see-that-coming, no-one-is-safe story. In some ways it’s funny, kind of like that Joker. But the only joke here is that I wasted my time reading this shit.

The story starts with Batman pursuing the Joker in his Batmobile, causing tons of property damage and hurting some innocent bystanders. Nightwing and Barbara are with Batman and are upset that they can’t reel in his dangerous impulses. Batman chases the Joker into a pharmaceutical factory where the Joker does his Joker speech. You know the one. The speech every writer ever feels that they have to write for the Joker, as if it adds something to his character. The Joker speech basically has the Joker go on about how he and Batman are polar opposites blah blah blah and how the Joker, in his own twisted way, has some affection for Batman and then Batman will be like NO and punch him or something. Hey, subtext works a lot better when it, y’know, remains subtext and not outright actual text. So Batman gets real riled up here and force-feeds the Joker a ton of pills while someone films him doing this and posts it on the internet. This combination of pills makes the Joker not be psychotic anymore (this is dumb as hell, but the rest of the comic is way dumber so you’d be surprised how the lowered standards allowed me to just roll with this) So this Batman is a pretty rude guy, being down with needless violence, and about as smart as a sack or bricks, but it’s an alternate universe, right? Characters are supposed to be different. Yeah… about that-- when doing an alternate universe it helps to have your universe be well-defined. This is especially important if it’s already similar to the main DC universe. The reader is left unsure as to what has or hasn’t happened in the past. Did the Joker ever commit any mass murder in this timeline? We don’t really know. The Joker has had a lot of incarnations so it’s kind of important to know how evil he is if he’s gonna become a good guy. If he’s committed numerous atrocities then I can understand a lot of peoples’ skepticism to him being good guy. Or was he some guy throwing pies at peoples’ faces and defacing property? Already none of this shit makes any sense if you stop to think about it but I have to keep going or this review will never get around to bashing the important stuff, like everything else about this book.

So the Joker’s mental stability is restored (which somehow also changes his bleached-white skin and green hair back to normal, those pills must have been wild) and he becomes a super-genius and decides to fight Batman’s brutality, and by extension the Gotham Police Department’s brutality. He’s done telling jokes now, he’s now the Woker(ok he never gets called that, but it would’ve been funny if that happened). And with his genius intellect unrestricted by his unstable personality he is now free to… sue the city. Damn, that’s exciting. I feel I should stop here and say there’s a reason the Joker is a fairly static character, and that’s because he works perfectly fine as a clown with a Batman obsession who does crimes and has some good zingers. Those are the interesting things about him, so when you remove all of those traits you’re left with a pretty boring character. What is the Joker without any of his personality or Joker-ness? Just some guy. And that guy is the protagonist of the story now… great. The other characters don’t fare much better. They all act extremely stupid, wildly out-of-character, or perform actions that conflict with prior information the reader has been given about them. Batman does no detective work, largely having the plot fed to him by other characters and falling into every trap imaginable. He can only ever react to situations. Harvey Bullock is deriding Batman for brutalizing the Joker and seems very anti-police brutality, yet later is arresting a black activist, blatantly escalating a situation where there was no violence. Barbara Gordon is hanging out chatting with Mr. Freeze (who appears to be a nicer guy in this continuity) and spills the beans about her secret identity, then is shocked to realize that she’s been wearing her Batgirl costume, thus revealing her name! Why is she so dumb!? Why on earth would she want to talk to Mr. Freeze in her civilian identity, huh? They were in the Bat Cave when this happened, so suit or not, it’d be pretty obvious that the girl in the Bat Cave is Batgirl. What the fuck? See what I mean when I say it’s hard to know where to start and end with bashing this shit? I mean this was like a 2-panel thing. Everything leads into everything else because nothing was thought through or considered while writing this comic so events happen just because they have to in order to move events along, character motivation or personality be dammed. And what happens is… not much if you really analyze the sequence of events in the story. Joker gets better, sues the city, participates in a march against Police corruption/brutality and decides to run for mayor. Batman gets mad about this. Joker then discovers a slush fund that is used to repair all the damage Batman does to the city and exposes it to the public. As a mayoral candidate, Joker proposes using this slush fund to instead heavily arm the police. Doesn’t this kind of contradict his anti-police brutality sentiments by offering the department numerous tanks to drive around in? Ah, fuck it. I doubt any part of this is thought through or any narrative dissonance considered so I’ll just keep going. And that’s… all the Joker does. Well, he does do one more thing. He decides to start dating Harley Quinn. And if I’m gonna talk about the characters, I mean REALLY talk about the characters, I’m gonna have to talk about Harley Quinn. Or rather, the Harley Quinn…s. Plural.

I should preface this by saying it’s pretty clear Sean Gordon Murphy is a fan of Batman the Animated Series. It is good, so who can blame him? What gets weird is he inserts a ton of TAS-centric stuff into White Knight in a way that feels arrogant. He knows what is best for Batman, no one else. So why do I feel this way about his writing here? Because the Joker goes home and is greeted by a Harley Quinn who is like “Wow, can’t wait to have tons of sex and kill a ton of people with you again! My favorite hobbies are not wearing a lot of clothes, staying evil, and being an unpopular New 52 redesign!” Then the revelation comes, the OLD Harley Quinn shows up in her TAS jester outfit and derides the new one as a big tiddy bimbo (not joking about that, her dialogue is actually deriding her for having large breasts and not being a good role model lmao) and says that she will resume her relationship with the Joker now, because he respects women (you really gonna do Poison Ivy like that? Smh). As we all know, when you think an abusive partner has changed, you should definitely restart your relationship with them. This has never, ever backfired in the history of the universe. But back to the point-- in fairness the New 52 Harley did suck, but I don’t know why this whole thing is even in the story. Haha, I’m joking! I know why! It’s because Sean Gordon Murphy probably realized that he needed an antagonist to make some action happen because the story was clearly going nowhere! So the new, unpopular Harley goes off and swears she will return the Joker to his bad self, calling herself “Neo Joker”.  So how does someone with no resources or notable skills become the antagonist? Well don’t worry, the entire cast is very, very stupid and their agency is null and void, so if something needs to happen for this story to move along, it just happens.

Earlier in the story for the Joker to discover the slush fund he had to get the rest of the Batman rogues gallery to do it for him by stealing documents on it out of some building. How does he get every criminal in Gotham to do this for him? By inviting them all over and serving them drinks with bits of Clayface mixed in. You see, Joker used the Mad Hatter’s mind control tech on Clayface so it stands to reason that if you ate some of Clayface’s clay then the mind control would work on you by extension! It only sounds stupid because it IS stupid. I also gotta ask why the entire rogues gallery would accept drinks from the Joker… he’s kind of known for not playing well with others and, uh, frequently poisoning people. But again, these characters need to be dumb for the plot to happen. So Neo Joker discovers the control module thingy because the Joker just left it around (I assume the mind-controlled villains were just shitting their pants in the days leading up to this since they were all stored in a warehouse) so now she gets a villain army. And then she gets a giant freeze gun to use on Gotham City because in this universe Mr. Freeze’s dad was an ex-Nazi who came to America and built that and left it underground. No maintenance required after sitting around for decades, this baby’s ready to blast! So while all that was happening Batman went to jail, Joker let him out to help him with dealing with Neo Joker, and Alfred died. That might sound like things that happened, but let me be clear: nothing happened. Nothing happens this whole comic. Things appear to happen, but that is not the case, that is camouflage. Sure, Alfred dies, but Mr. Freeze starts helping Bruce, so one old man is replaced with another. Actually this is an upgrade, Mr. Freeze knows way more science shit so this new model is great! Batman is finally jailed for flaunting the law but then Joker releases him and reveals that he found out that Batman had been paying for the property damage fund, not the taxpayers! So Batman was a good guy all along! He was just being a brutal dick because Alfred was dying so it’s all in the past now. So if Batman was good all along then what was the fucking point of this comic? The premise is good Joker vs. evil Batman, until it isn’t. What was the point of ANY of the first part of this dumb ass book? But the reader isn’t supposed to think about that. To distract from the fact that there was apparently no conflict at all the Neo Joker starts making threats with her big freeze gun and villain army. So Good Batman and Good Joker gotta team up with the militarized police force to take her down! Yeehaw! But. There is a catch. The Joker’s mixture of meds is wearing off and he will revert soon! The classic ticking clock scenario—as bad as everything is, this should at least inject some tension into the story, right? Wrong. Joker reverts while he’s in the Batmobile with Batman, and then he’s like “I still wanna defeat Neo Joker for stealing my shtick.” So don’t worry, he’s still on your side, Batman. I’m kind of impressed that Sean Gordon Murphy took such an easy opportunity to add some stakes to this bland comic and was like NAHHH, FUCK THAT, I LIKE MY COMICS BAD. So the police ram the villain army with their tanks and uhhh not all of Batman’s villains have super powers you know… some are just regular-ass people. The Penguin gets fucking hit head-on with one of the tanks, how the hell did HE not die? Plus they’re all mind-controlled in the first place so that raises ethical questions as to how they’re being treated since they’re not willfully being evil right now but BATMAN IS GOOD OKAY? HE PAID FOR THE PROPERTY DAMAGE FUND SO IF HE SPLITS SOME FUCKIN SKULLS THAT’S JUST WHAT HE’S GOTTA DO YOU LITTLE BIIIIIIIIIITCH. DUE PROCESS… IS FOR CUCKS. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DIE at this point in the comic I guess. Yawn… so at this point I think they all win or whatever. The freeze ray is stopped or something. Look, this part is kind of a blur. All you gotta know is Harley marries the Joker before he totally, totally reverts for real this time and gets sent back to Arkham. Then the dumbest thing Sean Gordon Murphy has ever written happens. And I read this book, so know that I do not say that lightly.

Near the start of the comic when Batman force-feeds Joker the pills it’s stated that this was all part of Joker’s master plan to get Batman to feed him pills that he just somehow knew would cure him and this would trigger Joker’s ultimate plan of… revealing the misallocation of taxpayer dollars? And he came up with this when he was still a bad guy, right? Huh? Well guess what, fuckos? It’s time for a fucking twist. Turns out the original Harley Quinn, who is Good and Pure and Keeps Her Clothes on except when I, Sean Gordon Murphy, draw her and the Joker fucking, is the one who planted the pills at that scene, as she reveals to Batman. Mind. Blown. No, really, my mind is blown as to why Sean thought this would add anything to his comic aside from more questions regarding the logistics of how she did that. How did she know which factory Batman would chase the Joker into at the start? How did she know Batman would force-feed the pills to the Joker? You’re not really a master planner if your plan relies on a ton of variables way out of your control. Then Batman is then like “wow that’s cool that you did that. this is why I always liked you more than the rest of my rogues gallery because I know you can do good things.” Yeah that’s right FUCK YOU Two-Face. Burned-ass bitch. You think YOU were the friend-turned-enemy who Batman hopes will one day turn good again? Wrong. It’s Harley. It’s ALWAYS been Harley. Then Batman reveals his secret identity to Commissioner Gordon and says he’s gonna be a cop in a blatant sequel hook. The threat of a sequel to this is scarier than any cliffhanger. Brr!

Ughhh, and you KNOW there’s gonna be a sequel, too. This can’t just end here. When I said I had to review this comic it was because most of the reviews say shit like “a bold new direction with a much-beloved property… DC, please don’t revoke my blog’s access.” This book demands a thrashing. It deserves to get laughed at, but everywhere I looked online people weren’t laughing. There was praise! Now look, Sean can draw a pretty picture so he has that going for him. And he’s also willing to kiss up to ComicsGate, a hate group populated by unskilled whiners, so that they’ll waste their money buying his bad book with pseudo-progressive politics. But I’m not here to insult Sean Gordon Murphy. This is a review, and I pledge to keep it focused on the comic. It would be unprofessional and rude to call Sean a gutless coward, or a worm, or a hack writer who just throws references around to create the illusion of lore, or a guy who condescends to trans writers and artist who get harassed daily about how they should just befriend their harassers, or a guy who thinks his inability to stick to a narrative theme makes his work deeper, or a guy who shits on indie creators in interviews because he works on Batman and they do not. No, that would all be mean to say, so you won’t hear me saying it.

I will give the comic this much, though. If you enjoyed All-Star Batman and Robin for how absolutely wacky it was, this book might be right up your alley. It fulfills that same feeling of viewing every panel and going “What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK???” So if you like bad books, this book is for you.

[1800-seungshine]

monochrome.

member: park jihoon  genre(s): highscool!au, lowkey crack, comedy(?) summary: a complete social recluse with a daunting aura paired with dark clothes; don’t be fooled by her appearance because underneath her monochrome concept lies a girl whose steps are as colorful as yours. (requested - bullet point format) word count: 1.5K

smh look at me and my slow ass updating 

but y’know what let’s just get started before i disown myself

you’ve effortlessly managed to catch park jihoon’s attention

it’s funny bc you always stuck to the walls, barely spoke a word and never seemed to smile 

you also have this rbf adorned on your face 25/8 

and it’s so great that everyone has stayed away from you 

oh and of course your choice of colour schemes made up of black, white and grey, has also got everyone believing you were highkey emo 

but tbh you just thought it wouldn’t draw attention to you

well,,, your thoughts were proven wrong bc jihoon senpai noticed you 

he just doesn’t know why

(in reality, his eyes were opened into a whole new world when you had t sit next to him in a class once bcs someone stole your seat and from there he took note of your existence, let alone the clash between you two) 

and by clash i meant how you two were completely polar opposites

jihoon was one of the popular kids in school who manages to politely smile and greet anyone he crosses paths with 

he also rocks up to school in those bright an eccentric clothes that only he can manage to pull off bc wow just look at those heavenly visuals he got blessed with 

and contrary to you, jihoon always finds himself being the centre of attention without trying

so the alluring contrast between you two drew him as if he was a magnet 

and as creepy as it sounds, jihoon began to silently observe you from afar and every time he observes you, he notices something new like how you habitually bite on your lower lip whenever you’re focused or how he knows what classes you disliked bc you zone out the most during those lectures 

of course with every observation, the more jihoon was drawn to you bc no person treading on earth shows only one side of themselves 

and he knows that there’s a lot more than what you show 

however, the more his eyes wandered to you, the more he began to think of you 

and little by little, he started to unknowingly fall for you 

it took him a while to realise it though with denial being his first instinct 

‘you’re just curious about her, jihoon. nothing more, nothing less.’ he used to think to himself

but then one afternoon, he was walking home from school with an ice cream in his hand bearing multiple thoughts in his head

and then jihoon just stops his tracks 

bc he realised that all thoughts were about you 

like it has been for the past few weeks 

“i like y/n.” 

achievement unlocked! realisation of feelings +20pts :^D 

after that, he became more desperate as each day passed bc he wanted to get to know you 

like forget about his huge little crush on you

he wants to know you as a friend

but the real problem was that he wasn’t sure how 

until you crossed paths with you 

it was in a small cafe located in the heart of the city where jihoon found himself sitting behind you and your friends one weekend

and his supposed plans of studying suddenly became an eavesdropping and lowkey-highkey stalking session 

meanwhile you were completely oblivious to this bc wow you just had to sit where your back was facing him .inserts slow clapping. 

your friends took notice of him though

i mean who the hell wouldn’t; despite trying to be discreet about it, his eyes were just on you every single minute and would immediately whip his head to the side like he didn’t do anything whenever your friends caught him

so they decided to break it to you bc wow someone’s checking out their friend for once??

your friends begin to talk in a hushed tone as they lean closer to table 

“y/n there’s this really cute boy who’s been looking at you since forever”

you simply scoff, rolling your eyes at them before replying with pure sarcasm laced in your tone of voice

“yeah and this “cute boy” must have a skin clearer than my future”

“he actually does if you bothered to take a look behind you.” 

still unpersuaded, your eyes squint accusingly bc bOi you ain’t getting fooled today

“kids the last time you said that i turned around to see the rubbish bin- like ok i get it trash meets trash. wow we meant to be.” 

your friends all looked at each other and facepalmed, “no idiot - we’re serious this time. he’s been listening to your nonstop talking of the important videos playlist.” 

“oh and i think he got slightly traumatised when he was watching you dabbing and singing to the guacamole song,,,” 

“lol who wouldn’t be? that was the most embarrassing thing i’ve seen in my entire life-” 

“i’m sorry but i don’t think i signed up for show me the money—why are y’all dissing me?” you interrupt them with your nose scrunching in distaste before you raise your index finger to accusingly point at them, “if i see a trash can, i'm going to lecture each and every one of you before dropkicking your asses to the great wall of china.”

“ok yeah gr8 now can you pls just turn around and look at him, it’s too painful to see him trying to be all secretive when he’s making it so obvious that he’s checking you out.”

“tsk, you kids never listen to me and besides, this guy probably does’t even exist.” 

“pls y/n we’re already betting fifty chicken nuggets that you’re gonna be shook to the core.” 

so without really having a choice you decide to turn around and who do you see?

park jishook

oh wait that ain’t his name 

uh,,,, jihoon ye him 

well your friends weren’t lying to you 

cos you’re so damn diddly sh00keth even shookspeare got nothing on you 

ok i’m kinda high on milk pls excuse 

achievement unlocked! exposing yourself +30pts 

“oh god, i have been exposed.” was the only thing you can manage to say once you find yourself in a staring competition with jihoon 

on the otherhand, jihoon was mostly thinking the same thing bc w0w he just got caught stalking you

best thing he can do now is play cool

“oh,,, hi y/n. fancy seeing you here...haAhaAha...” 

the coolest i tell you

your friends however has decided to all stand up from their seats, “wOw wOuLd yOu lOok aT tHe tImE. wE gOtTa zAyN.” 

and you begin to stand as well bc they’re trying to save you such blessed friends

until they push you back down to your seat 

“except you can stay here and accompany this cute guy. you seem to know each other, right? it’s rude to leave him all lonely.”

“wHAT BUT—”

“lmao nope byeeee” they all say in strange unison as they begin to leave the cafe one by one

damn u got snitched 

but hey look on the bright side though bc you’re not alone 

jihoon’s there too 

so seeing that you already exposed yourself, you decided to leave your table to take the seat in front of him

“sorry about my friends, they’re pretty crazy.” the timid exterior he was once used to begins to show again once you began to talk

yet jihoon lets out a soft chortle, shaking his head in amusement at your sudden 360 change, “i think you were a lot crazier than they were to be fairly honest.” 

his words slowly processes in your head and you simply blink at him, “did you just diss me...?” 

fearing that his remark was taken wrongly, jihoon’s eyes widen and begins to make hand gestures, stumbling a little as he replies, “n-no! i meant that as a good thing, i- uh,,, yeah i should have thought that through.” 

though the next moment, jihoon finds himself in a daze once he hears a laugh beginning to escape your lips as you watch his flustered state

and the way your eyes crinkled up at him paired with that glowing smile of yours made him realise that wow you’re a lot cuter than he thought¿

and after seeing a side of you that he’s never encountered before, jihoon decides to take this opportunity; pushing aside the fear of rejection and judgemental stare he might receive by impulsively asking you

“i know this might sound weird and rather sudden but if you don’t have anything else to do, do you just wanna hang out with me for the rest day?” 

and you slowly nod your head as a reply, flashing a timid smile at his way as you casually reply, ignoring the pink tint dusting your cheeks. “sure, i don’t see why not. i don’t really have a life to tend to anyways.” 

jihoon laughs at your comment, packing his stuff away before standing up with a huge grin on his face. 

“well, let’s pretend that we have lives that we’re suppose to prioritise when we’re clearly just procrastinating. how does that sound?” 

“sounds like a plan.” 

so jihoon spends the rest of his day with you realising that you aren’t as dull as everyone assumed you to be

bc even just by walking beside you, he can already tell that you shine the brightest out of everyone in the crowd.

[dong-hyucks]

Dating Suho Would Include...

Masterlists

so you’re an event coordinator

at least, an assistant event coordinator

your friend is the head coordinator and he was short one helper so he had you come down to help

basically, you and a few other people were coordinating this big party for a big company

known as none other than SM Ent.

you were hyped because it was 1) a halloween party and 2) you stanned a lot of SM idols

your friend, we’ll name him bob sungjin let you decorate the food table

only one other person was helping you with the table but you didn't know them that well

so it was really quiet

“try turning the bowl around. then people from across the room can see the better decorations in it.”

you thanked the person who you assumed was your partner before realizing

you partner is female

that voice came from a male

you looked up and practically jumped ten feet

“HoLy ShI--”

in front of you was someone you recognized quite well

you’re a fan of his and his members’ music after all

Kim Junmyeon stood in front of you, looking curiously at the decorations that covered the table

not to mention he was clad in a suit (Kingsman) with his hair slicked back, some stray strands hanging about his face

junmyeon in glasses tho

upon noticing your shock, Junmyeon smiled

“i couldn't recognize you. are you a new worker?”

you nodded, going back to decorating because you had no idea how to interact with an idol

your mind was straight up !!! but he looked tired enough so you stayed quiet

after a while of silence, you noticed he started walking away

wow you could breathe

you could hear your partner laughing to herself

probably bc she and the entire crew are pretty chill around SM idols since they work for them frequently

so you getting all flustered and awkward

is funny

mOviNg oN

okay so basically exo came early

smh their manager was misinformed abt the time

your friend was like

“oh okay, the more the merrier” and basically gave them jobs

they looked like they were used to his sudden demands bc they just complied

and wHoOp dE dO guess who was assigned to the food table

ya boy, junmyeon

and jongdae

anyway they were talking as they walked up to the table

you noticed from the corner of your eye

junmyeon sMiLeD at you

jongdae went over to help your partner and junmyeon went to help you

you noticed there was only like twenty min before everyone would start arriving so you worked faster

junmyeon was just following literally like :o because you were moving v fast yet everything still looked neat and presentable

aNyWaY after people started arriving you scoot scooted your way o u t

bUt your friend didn't let you leave since “it’s a party [Y/N], enjoy yourself”

“but--”

“we’re allowed to stay nOw gO hAvE fUn mY cHiLd”

so yeah

you glued yourself to the wall the entire night

because?? yeah no you weren't about to go party with idols

you were n o t ready for that

unbeknownst to you

a certain someone kept glancing over at you

heheh

after the party, the team was set to clean up too

so you did, walking around and picking up dropped balloons and streamers, etc.

while you were taking down a banner on some wobbly ladder, junmyeon walked over to your ladder and held it steady

you kind of just ignored him for the time being, too focused on taking down the banner without stabbing yourself with thumb tacks

but as you were climbing down, you smiled over at junmyeon

“thanks”

before walking away

junmyeon was just smiling to himself

he had been swarmed with fans, moreso lately, so it was refreshing to meet someone new who treated him like a regular person

yeah, your friend told him that you're a fan

after that, you were practically hired as a helper

you didn't mind, you didn't have much to do plus you got payed good money

that also meant that you saw idols quite often

eventually, they all became acquainted with you as they did with the other coordinators

especially junmyeon

you two talked casually at first

but then junmyeon asked for your number and boom instant daily talks

even if it was just ‘good night’

he found himself falling for you v fast

the way he asked you out was cute

he invited you over to the dorms while everyone was out for food or for schedules

you just agreed because it was your day off

plus hanging out with junmyeon made you happy

//v//

aNyWho

you two just watched movies for a while

you didn't even notice junmyeon getting closer and closer

until you literally felt his arm brushing against yours

your face went red but you didn't say anything

you even leaned into him subtly

while you kept your eyes on the movie, junmyeon kept glancing over at you

he was so n e r v o u s

eventually, the credits started rolling

and some cliche piano song accompanied with some good vocals started playing

junmyeon was a nervous wreck

but he was determined

he's been keeping in his feelings for several months now and you've even expressed some feelings for him

despite knowing that you may reciprocate his feelings, his heart still raced

so, he took in a deep breath and smiled at you once you looked at him

when you smiled back, he faltered a bit-- too amazed by your entire being

his complexion started to resemble that of a ripe apple

the red hues that painted themselves across his otherwise pale cheeks were painfully obvious

when he took hold of your hands, you noticed just how much he had been shaking

as he pulled you closer to him ever so gently, you could feel the thumping beat of his heart beat, it's song more addictive than any other you had heard before

he let out a nervous laugh, bowing his head slightly

you looked on expectantly, your own heart racing just as much as his was

junmyeon never failed to make you nervous, no matter what he was doing

“so, um…”

you were just smiling because of how adorably flustered he was

he couldn't even say what he had planned-- a lengthy bundle of sentences

he was distracted by your smile, which lead to him chuckling to himself as he buried his face in the crook of your neck

“you’re too cute, you know. it's impossible to focus.”

“what--”

he leaned back, tilting his head as he looked to you with an uneasy smile

“i really like you, [Y/N]. would you, perhaps, want to be my s/o?”

that took,,, 1.1k words to get to the actual point of this but okay

congrats, you're dating the parent of exo whoop whoop

you guys are that cute-weird type of couple

like, the best friend couple

he would be so gentlemanly and sweet with you

as in, his nicknames for you are the cheesiest things ever

if you like honey, he'll call you honey

if you like kiwis even, he'll call you kiwi

conversations sound p weird to other people hahah

but at the same time

you guys can be the strangest couple

you'll look at each other from across the room and start laughing

no explanation whatsoever

the boys get so confused

they will also come home to the two of you laying on the floor in the kitchen

flour and other ingredients everywhere

it's okay because you guys usually clean up after yourselves but

they never get any explanation for why you guys do are so extra

which is fine

you're literally his no. 1 supporter

and vice versa

you can literally be playing a videogame and he'll be cheering you on like mad

okay so

first ily

it happened like several months into the relationship

you both knew you loved each other but you didn't want to go too fast y’know

junmyeon’s an idol, and he has a super busy schedule, so he wants to make sure you're both in it for the long run before he says it

and you're willing to wait since he shows his love for you in other ways

like morning and good night texts

cuddles

cooking

etc.

when he first said it

he thought you were asleep

he had stayed over at your house on his day off because he missed you a lot

and you were on the verge of sleep when he suddenly turned over and brought you against his chest

“[Y/N]... you know, i’m falling in love with you. you're always there for me and--”

he pressed a fleeting kiss against your temple

“-- i appreciate you so much.”

you couldn't stop yourself from grinning, basically flipping him onto his back and koala hugging him

he was shocked because 1) you're awake and 2) you just fLiPpEd HiM

“i love and appreciate you too, jun, so much.”

after snapping out of his surprise

he just grinned ear to ear and cuddled with you for the rest of the night

*claps hands like hyuck at the end of his boy vid* now

your first kiss oo

i can imagine this happening relatively early on

like a couple of weeks into your relationship

it was nothing too heavy

just a simple and sweet kiss

bUt the mood was A+

basically, the boys invited you over to listen to a track they were unsure about

lucky you

and after you listened to it and gave them your opinion they literally just left

like

they didn't say anything

they just skrt skrted back to the practice room

only junmyeon stayed and you two ended up sitting on the couch they had in the recording room

junmyeon began fiddling with the equipment and eventually he had your favourite song playing

then, he leaned back and just hugged you

he had been really stressed that week and tbh all he wanted was to spend some time with you

you two kind of just sat in silence, listening to each other's heartbeats with your personal playlist playing in the background

he mumbled a little ‘i love you’ into your neck, completely content in the moment

ofc, you said it back

eventually, he leaned back and just looked at you

you raised a brow, not breaking the eye contact

without even realizing, he began to lean forward

you noticed before he did and came closer

you were the one who kissed him

the sight of your eyes fluttering closed was the last thing he saw before he let his close as well

like i said, it wasn't a long kiss

but it was really sweet and the both of you could feel your stress going away from just that

wow

i am getting v soft

okAy so

the two of you would end up adopting some sort of pet later on in your lives

something easy to take care of, since you both had quite demanding jobs

but it would be amazing for the two of you

o k a y

now the part that i've been dreading

fights

fights don't occur often and even when they do they're quite small

as in “i told you to clean your dishes but you didn't” etc.

but wow your first fight fight

basically, you hadn't heard much from junmyeon in a couple of weeks

he was on tour and when he wasn't on stage he was too tired to text or facetime

all you got were good morning and good night texts

which, at the time, you were okay with

that is

until a certain bundle of articles came out

‘EXO’s Junmyeon in a New Relationship?’

and within the article, the publisher talked about him and another idol; APink’s Chorong

your heart basically broke

he hadn't been talking to you much lately and with the photos provided by the article (allkpop smh)

you jumped to conclusions basically

you stopped replying to messages, didn't answer calls

you just felt empty, honestly

junmyeon, on the other hand

knew about the articles

they weren't at all true, but he guessed that you were acting the way you were because of them

he was a bit frustrated because you didn't trust him enough to know the articles were false

but truly, if he were in your shoes he'd probably feel the same

his frustration, however, was mostly because he couldn't go to you to explain

you weren't answering his messages so he had to wait until the tour was over to talk to you

which wasn't for another two weeks

by the time the two weeks were over, the two of you were miserable

you went through the day as you usually would, going to work, buying groceries, etc. but you felt dead tbh

junmyeon was the same

he wasn't used to the silence

even though he had his members and his fans to focus on

you were always in his thoughts

he was so worried that your relationship would end with the dumb article

so the moment exo landed he literally rushed to your house asap

you didn't bother checking who it was before opening the door

you were very quickly enveloped in a hug

“the articles, all of them, are fake. i would never cheat on you, [Y/N]. i'd be a fool to do so to someone i cherish with my entire being.”

him saying that, coupled with the feeling you had longed for-- being in his arms, was enough to bring you to tears

you had gotten quite insecure about the entire ordeal and him coming to your doorstep looking exhausted cleared your shrouded vision

slowly, you hugged him back.

wow

okay so not really a fight

just two weeks worth of silent treatment and tension

and tears--

but it was a serious moment in your relationship, and it made the two d you work on your overall trust

this totally didn't take me two days to do

jajsjsjsf anywhoodle

a relationship with junmyeon, overall, would be so nice

he cherishes you, and you would definitely feel that

so,

treat him well, and love him a lot

:)

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 9 | “Autumn's World”- Jakey

ok i really wasnt going to make a post tribal confessional because my last one was so long but like i have to get this off my chest... can i just say the irony is NOT lost on me that im the one who got the power to visit the pre jurors and plead my case on who i think they should vote for and......they voted for ME???? at least that's what my common sense is telling me because almost no one said anything to me during my trip there so... i doubt they voted amir because im pretty sure liam did? like..... this game is REALLY starting to make me extremely self conscious like wtf i literally havent even met half of these people and the majority of them voted for me without even knowing me.... has my whole life been a lie? am i not actually the bomb dot com?? like i dont think im this amazing person or anything and obviously i know not everyone is gonna like me but WHAT is it about me that's clearly so polarizing with people and NOT in a good way... first people in the game i didnt know wanted to vote me out now people i dont know want me out too do i have a sticker on my forehead that says hate on me? like trust and believe i hate myself enough i dont need yalls negativity too ! maybe im just too ahead of the times for certain people.. at this point i dont care, im a tough cookie and i guess im a little mean and judgemental so this is just my karma but whatever, pity party over, i guess you know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation zzzzzz

okay so i filmed two video confessionals while walking the dog but i think i just flipped the captain vote?! i truly do think i just flipped the captain vote while walking the dog which is so exciting. i knew voting jordan was stupid to scorn him for no reason, so i decided tj would be better, spoke to who i needed to speak to, and now its happening hehe [the two videos i filmed should explain why i did what i did]. this is the first time this game i felt like montenegro ali is not gone completely - i set a goal for myself and i made it happen. now no matter what this season i can be proud that i made something happen hehe. tj's target is gonna inflate like a balloon now hehe. the way i did it was i spoke to autumn first, who i knew also had the connections with the beauties who would need to be flipped, then talked about my reservations with jake/devon/augusto. i knew autumn would push tj, and i just got to sit back and here them all say tj to me?! i feel so proud that i made that happen tm, now we have a scapegoat set up. i think update so: Ideal Bootlist: Kendall > TJ > Jordan/Augusto > Jordan/Augusto > Duncan > Amir > F5: Me/Autumn/Jake/Devon/Adam Ranking as a Juror: autumn > jake > amir > duncan > jordan > augusto > devon > adam > tj > kendall

okay so... i think as a consequence of the trust rankings, i think i'm now set up very well to be shielded by both my closest allies, jake for his idol play and autumn for the perception of her as someone who runs the tribe. ideally next two votes are maybe kendall then tj? idek

im gonna say something, that i NEVER say and im gonna OWN IT. . . .. .... IM A DUMB BITCH. ok i say that a lot but THISSS time i really mean it, ive been playing this game so short sighted and completely narrowly, focused on getting these old beautys out for almost voting me out in the beginning, and today i find out, that little old ME is the one who's actually been the president of the clown academy smh obviously, i do still think i was semi valid in not trusting any of those 3 at first, but today, amir approached me finally to clear the air, because like i said before, the reason ive had no interest in working with like him or augusto was because i knew what they were plotting against me, HOWEVER .... i guess i lacked some common sense that shouldve told me well look at it from their perspective, it's just very hard for me to trust when i was lied to so, i know for a fact someone went to amir and probably told him i wanted him out last round instead of liam, and i also learn that the REAL CLOWN OF ALL THE LANDS IS DUNCAN. I had a call with jordan today, and he basically spilled the beans that duncan wants my head on a silver platter?? first of all, duncan, you're a fool. I was completely on your side and actually trusted you, so thanks for nothing! I would not be surprised if he was trying to go to amir to plan to vote me out I also talked to autumn on call today and she confirmed that to me as well, and it made me feel a lot better because i think duncan thinks that IM overconfident in the game which is NOT THE CASE...have yall seen my confessionals??? is it or is it not tea that all i do is sit and guess multiple scenarios for my paranoia...granted i KNOW im a diva and i have fits and my moments, but i genuinely try not to get comfortable, so the fact that HE thinks he can get comfty and get me out, boy you got another thing coming because i may not know what the HELL im doing 85% of the time but i think that's one of my best traits, im a wildcard and elusive and adaptability is what i try to go for more so than being that person in charge, because clearly anytime i think im in charge, thats NEVER the case... and congratulations because now there's an angry adam on the loose and duncan is now my biggest target out of no where. Funny how so much can change in less than a day huh? at this point i literally trust no one i feel like im at the liar convention of the century, i want to say i trust autumn, jordan, and kinda ali the most but idk anymore. I feel like Jakey is 100% in with duncan to get me out too but idk i dont have any proof, just a conspiracy because they both messaged me at the exact same time after ignoring me for hours so it made me think they had a call together of some sort and talked about me I'm kinda upset with myself because every time i play i do this stupid thing where i refuse to look at the bigger picture, and im glad there's still enough game left i can kinda start to snap out of it and see where it takes me from here, even though ive played twice and done decent placement wise both times i feel like i have a lot to prove as far as people just thinking im an idiot and will never catch on to things, and i definitely think duncan thinks im an idiot now but you know what, ill let him think that because the fact that people are letting me in on things, shows me i must be doing at least something right ....although it could get tricky, because i really do love autumn and me and her both agreed jordan is a huge threat down the road, but jordan is also on my side right now so i need to treat carefully with that i also need to get to WORK on connecting and mending my relationships with amir/augusto, at this point all i can do is try and be honest with them about whats been going on and hopefully they dont rule me out, BUT ... in my slight defense i never wouldve been so against them if they just owned up to it and not lied to me over and over again in the beginning xoxo but i do hereby take away all the SHIT ive talked since like..... day 7 dajfks ok last thing i want to touch on is im STILL confused why no one trusts me in this immunity challenge i got second to last after KENDALL..... like all shade at myself yall are giving me WAY too much credit... they all still think im stacked with idols and advtantages and even though i MAY have cracked the pyramid im not good at solving shit so FUCK 2048 FOR GETTING MY WAY OF GETTING THIS IDOL 

just called with amir for ages and he was 100% misting me but i'm at peace with it he is super sweet.

Adam, welcome to your tape. im not even sure where to begin .... ive never YELLED at a gay in my life like this... that gay being ME.... so here i am, having a breakdown going boo hoo hoo for me thinking people must just HATE me for whatever unknown reason, only for me to find out I UNKNOWINGLY GAVE EVERYONE A REASON DHAJKFDHAJKD rewind back to survivor auction....obviously i knew with an anonymous auction people were ALL gonna start lying about what they really got and what not ... however, im sure none of them were STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL A BLATANTLY OBVIOUSLY FALSE FABRICATION LIKE ME I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ... SO I JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO THINK I WAS AT LEAST TRYING FOR IMMUNITY SO I TOLD EVERYONE I BID ON THE IMMUNITY NECKLACES THEN WHEN I DIDNT GET THEM I WENT FOR THE ADVANTAGE, MEANWHILE NOT USING COMMON SENSE AND REALIZING IF I BID ON THE NECKLACES....I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO BID ON THE CHALLENGE ADVANTAGE i literally pulled a cirie trying to play officer sarah's own steal a vote against her but no not really because cirie is a LEGEND and im just a DUMB DUMB. AT LEAST CIRIE CAN SAY SHE WAS PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY EXHAUSTED WHICH IS WHY SHE MESSED UP BUT WHAT CAN I SAY?? ive never made such an idiotic mistake so obvious before.... i was probably high so ill blame the weed for some of it but mostly just me being dumb. ive been sitting around DRAGGING people for lying to me and now here i am lying right to everyone BUT IN MY DEFENSE.....it really is such a MINUSCULE lie but considering i devoted my entire first part of my game to being against people for telling me the tiniest of lies, i must look like SUCH a hyprocrite but one thing about me is at least ill own it, however, im now one of the biggest and easiest targets in the game because of what ive done so it's time to come up with something real quick (but not another lie NO MORE....) i completely deserved #9 in that challenge but dhfakj its time to completely change my game because now no one is gonna want to work with me and it's my own fault, im a dead fish being asked to come back to life, im gonna have to find a way to play this off or even just come clean and hope it doesnt completely screw me.... but wait..... i just got 9th on all these people's lists and completely lied to everyone and.....somehow they decided to let me have immunity??? what the HELL is going on? i mean logically speaking if im the biggest target here now why not keep me around because im so stupid, at first i was just trying to ACT dumb but that i actually am just dumb, it makes it a lot easier that's for sure! so yeah .... gonna lay low for a bit and not dig myself in more holes

tj and jordan really. really. think they can vote autumn out to scoop me up? like do i look like a sheep, do i look like a clown? because i do not have wool nor do i have a clown wig on. im so done with jordan he can pretend and preach till the cows come home that we are working together and that threats need to stick together.... but actions 100% speak louder than words, and his actions are nothing but shady so

yall: confess! me, who's already made 10 confessionals per round and the 1 person yall weren't talking to: ok sure ! anyway im still an idiot just a tiny update, ive decided to come clean about that damn auction even though everyone already knew oop, lying clearly wasnt working for me even tho i got immunity so maybe it did work in some sick and twisted way??? I really just tried to play it up by telling everyone that i only did it because i have trust issues and didnt know who i could really trust until after the vote, which is kinda true, but obviously my lie was just stupid nonetheless like GOD i literally couldve been in a better spot by being honest all along, but its like.....i willingly stopped in the middle of the race to put a hurdle in front of myself.... but anywho, as long as i have immunity this round, it gives me time to do damage control and see if i can salvage any of my game dafshkj I also talked with amir and augusto finally both on calls separately, to bury the unnecessary hatchet ive been holding onto, amir really did make me feel better about everything between us because he actually apologized because he was able to admit that everything that happened....was literally their own fault ctfu, like had they just been honest with me, we wouldve moved on, but i NO longer hold any ill will towards them about it from a game point, i liked being able to talk with augusto again too because i really did genuinely feel like he was someone i really wanted to play with, and i just dont want to be against the only other 3 brown gays in the game like me and autumn had such a long and great talk about the RACIAL bias in survivor YEAH i said it. I think we should have that conversation. As far as the vote goes it's actually kinda crazy to me....autumn was just talking to me earlier about wanting jordan out because he is definitely a threat, and she's somehow single handedly gotten everyone on board to do it which is scary but im just like....in awe of watching her play like i truly believe talking with her is the reason i won immunity, and i truly think if i didnt have this immunity i would be the one leaving because of my damn big mouth and my own antics. but jordan's kinda been on my side giving me select tea, however i know for a fact he's been holding out on me, but voting him out is still absolutely gonna suck for me tbh, im gonna feel like a bad person, but if there's anything ive learned the last 24 hours of this game is that whatever, this is truly just a game and i need to stop being so overtly sensitive to everything and play smart from here on out. I cant beat jordan in the end. He also just has more loyalties to other people than me so, the plan right now might be to vote him out and he might think it's autumn so he doesnt do anything crazy? i mean part of me WANTS to let him in on the tea just so he can cause chaos but it would get back to me....and im not sure him staying would benefit me enough to piss everyone off, so for ONCE watch while i sit back and shut up

I should have done this yesterday, but I guess I'll spill now. So yesterday was easily the worst day of this game so far for me. I was taking the LSAT, which I thought would give me some amount of a break from being talked about, but it turns out that everyone is going to vote me to be Captain. That part doesn't bother me AS much. What bothers me more is that Duncan and Autumn, who pent so much time genuinely connecting with, apparently turned on us to work with the Beauties over the alliance me and Jordan had with them. I understand that Autumn and Ali are close, yes, but I really thought the connection I had made with those two would allow them to at least stand up for me when people threw my name out there for Captain and have Adam voted as Captain WHEN HE WANTED TO BE IT! And then I choose to save the Bottoms. I wanted to do this not out of revenge, but in order to have a potential in with the Beauty trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall (on top of if I save the Tops, there is no way I win immunity). So I go with my gut, and then Jakey tells me there was a chat made with the Tops about how to get Adam/Amir/Augusto or some duo of those three safe in spite of my choice. So Autumn of all people, who we went to the same fucking university, decides to vote me out of spite. That just sucks so much to know because I genuinely thought I was going to work with her and Duncan. I truly thought there was something there. And now I feel I have to start back from square one. The day has come where I think I want to work with the Beauty trio; three people I've never been on the same tribe as, but at least they understand the situation I'm in since they have a similar one. Now we can hopefully prevent this stupid Brawn vs. Beauty grudge match that the Brains had created. No more. The Ginger is done being Mr. Nice Guy. I won't sit around any more and let people take advantage of my kindness. I want to win this fucking game, and I intend to do exactly that.

This is likely the most 'dangerous' round I have been apart of. Jordan/Duncan/Autumn/TJ have been involved in an alliance for quite some time. At 8:58pm EST (2 mins before the deadline), I jumped on and asked who I should eliminate. Instead of anyone telling me publicly who to eliminate, it was Duncan of all people who privately messaged me and said to eliminate his buddy Jordan. Since then, I have had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people. I exposed the alliance to those I knew could play a role in breaking it up. For now, the plan seems to be Jordan. However, almost everyone knows about it, and idols/advantages could come into play at any point. Duncan should be safe for now, but his time is coming. I just need to be able to time everything. 

Kendall, if you see this I just want you to know that I love you so so so so so much! I know these people for whatever reason don’t give you the time of day but it’s because of that that they don’t see just how amazing you are! Your crown is slipping ma’am, but don’t let it because you’re a queen and I love you tons <3

If I had to sum up this round, I would say that overconfidence is a weakness in this game. Just look at the MESS that has transpired this round. 1) Autumn pushed for Jordan a LOT as she was in a power position 2) It ended up falling on TJ due to Duncan initially voting that way and Autumn telling others to do that 3) TJ decided to save the bottoms instead of his alliance members for some reason 4) Duncan thought he could do the most and veto my immunity to “save” Jordan only to get Devon to do it instead so his hands are clean 5) Autumn and Duncan tried to control the entire round 6) Jordan thought he could pull a fast one on Autumn by approaching people to blindside her despite not building connections with a lot of players… BASICALLY, people need to humble themselves a bit. I understand that in these games, everyone thinks they are the smartest person here but like… these people tried to have their cake, ate it too, and then threw it up and caused a mess. It’s just… wow (‘:

While I would love to blindside Autumn soon, I’ve wanted Jordan Pines out since I got to the merge because he is a dangerous player. Going into the round, I didn’t see it as a possibility given that I alongside Autumn and Amir were the only people to feel like Jordan should leave. But now? He’s Public Enemy #1 and I’m all for it. Getting Jordan out helps me a lot because now I can possibly have TJ on my side, Autumn trusts me now more than ever, Jakey and I are getting closer, Duncan did all this craziness only to have the person he tried to save leave so he’s a target, and yeah… it just is in my best interest to do so so that’s what I plan on doing.

Ngl, I played victim this round because everything that has happened to me has been because of me being scapegoated in one way or another. Granted, I did tell Kendall and Amir to place me low on their lists but I’m sure I was #8 because of the Beauty trio. In a way, I’m using that to my advantage. Even Duncan deciding to veto my immunity and not Jordan’s has been something I’ve capitalized on a lot this round and I think that decision by Duncan is what turned the tides against him ultimately. Strangely, this round has been super amazing for me? yay?

The amount of TEA I have been given this round is insane. I know Amir has an idol, Devon has a double vote, Adam has a challenge advantage & he got to talk to the prejury, the existence of the TJ/Jordan/Duncan/Autumn alliance, I was the first Beauty Jordan approached to get Autumn out, Autumn told me that if she leaves she wants Amir or I to win, I was pulled into an alliance with Autumn/Devon/Amir/myself, Adam and I agreed Amir is dangerous so Adam wants me here more than Amir, and Jakey told me about the Tops group chat when it was made and told me everything that happened there (same with Autumn). I’ve been a tea collector this round and I’m not mad at all. While I love Amir, I do fear that our games are a little too intertwined and that if I sit next to him at the end, I’ll lose badly… but I think people also seem him as a major target so in a way he’s a shield? I need to find a way to separate myself gameplay-wise. I do think I’ve done a lot for our partnership (it was my connection to Devon and my connection to Autumn that got us in these good positions) so yeah we’ll see… I just want to win yknow ;-; love Amir sooooooo much tho

im gonna write a longer one in a bit but the summary rn is jordan pines can legit go peace out and send his white male rage somewhere else im not about to listen to him get mad at me when he wanted to blindside me this round like... get that energy somewhere else im not the one

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY WERE GONNA MAKE ADAM CAPTAIN AND WE PUSHED FOR IT TO A BRAWN AND NOW BRAWN IS MAD AT BRAIN IM GOING TO TRY AND FINESSE IMMUNITY OUT OF THIS

okay okay so basically, ewkjfnekwfnew i spent all morning not wanting them to vote adam as a captain, and then for my list, i basically got multiple people to rig my position, aka devon jakey and augusto to put me mid low, and tried to make ppl put brain + ali at the top. now the lists are exposed, adam wants to work with me again, and ppl are scared of brawn + ali. I am trying to make that i can win immunity this round, and then i can shut my mouth and these people can fuck each other up so PLEASAAAAAAASEEEE LET ME WIN IMMUNITY

So here we go let me spill some tea about these people, so last round, I had devon come to me and tell me that Adam said my name, Liam was the vote for me, and many people were entertaining it and were purposely leaving me on read. Like for the entire first round, Adam liam tj jordan and Ali all didn’t make a single effort to talk any game with me. This round comes around, and it’s a damn trust list when I’m currently in the most notorious beauty threesome of all time, and Ik it’s not gonna go well cuz everyone wants us out cuz me kendall and Augusto are so prettty and they r jealous But early on in the morning, autumn wants to call, and we do, and she’s like let’s make Jordan the captain vote, which makes sense cuz that’s what jakey and Augusto told me the night prior, so like all good I agree to make the captain Jordan. Basically, being the captain in this, SUCKS, cuz u won’t win immunity and u piss off 4 people, so miss autumn, hangs up on me to call other people and suddenly tj, who mind you is doing his LSAT exam, comes back to autumn and Duncan making him the vote for the captain. They fucked him OVER LMAO, and then the trust list comes out, and allllll the beauties and jordan on the bottom, and alllll the brains at the top with Ali and jakey . So suddenly, tj has a change of heart and he messaged me about how wants to get to know the beauties better, and he cuts the tops and the bottoms live. But like, Duncan autumn tj and Jordan literallt had an alliance and the they fucked him over so like Dkndkdndkd Anyway, the immunity challenge is happening, jakey and Devon help me win immunity discretely, And now I’m IMMUNEEEEE I suddenly love this crackhead competition , and with the list order, everyone can tell the brains are playing ALL SIDES. So adam and I finally decide to talk cuz we’re both at the bottom, and I’m like okay sis are we good, and he’s like I heard some shit and I was just really honest about early hathor and I think him and I are okay rn?? So like that’s good for me, So me and adam are safe, and all hell breaks loose, cuz Jordan apparently was super convinced with his safety but autumn and Duncan cut them out of the competition. Duncan was so shady about it, he actually asked devon to do it, and he decided to do Augusto, so like Duncan’s way of being loyal to Jordan is to tell someone else to do it so he’s being extremely messy. He’s not telling me about his alliance STILL, playing dumb with me, So autumn calls me and she IS POPPINGGGGG OFFFFFFF and dragging the 2 white boys from brawn to FILTH, and organizes this entire plan for them to think it’s between tj and Duncan, but we tell them autumn, and then we all vote Jordan. Jakey tried to make it duncan but I refuse, because Duncan is necessary to be against Ali and Duncan’s whole ass game is blown up now. No one trusts him, so I want him here. and jakey was like fine hehe and honestly okay I love jakey so much, like I plan on being loyal for as long as he’s loyal to me but I feel like he’d cut me in a couple rounds. Rn we are tight tho and we tell each other everything. Augusto and Kendall AND I MIGHT MAKE IT ANOTHER ROUND LMFAOOO DKDJDKNDD, And the MESSIEST PART OF TODAY IS HOW AUTUMN GOT US FROM POINT A TO POINT B. Like she literally woke up, fucked over tj, then cut the brawn out of the comp, and then felt betrayed by them, for her fucking them over, and has now taken control of the game. Like I’m just gonna say, she betrayed her alliance with brawn and she’s starting to work with me and Augusto and for that I fuckin love her. She’s also super cool I’ll do a merge cast analysis next round Anyway yeah good night love y’all xoxoxox

okay so today jordan calls me and hes like heyyyyyy sisterrrr lets all vote autumn and i say ok ok lets do it, but in my head im like nonononoonon, cuz jordan has spent 5 days talking about getting my out, and he literally doesnt even have the votes so i cant consider this cuz jakey isnt down at all, he simply doesnt have the numbers, so the plan is me tj jakey augusto kendall jordan vote autumn but we all rat on jordan, so everyone is suppose to split on jordan and tj but someone ratted to them and now no one is paying attention to me as much LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO ps, jordan pines, i really really do like u and enjoy talking to u and i would love to get to know u after the game <3 , im still gonna slit your throat tho, sorry for that

okay so tonight jordan pines is going to jury. drew in my host chat said "i hate when my faves fight" and let it be known. im not going to fight jordan, im going to send him to jury so he can complain there. his rage and aggression im not in the mood to deal with. its crazy how jordan brought the tribe together and his reign of terror tribe calls are not working. you cant come at people with rage, when your whole strategy has revolved around treating people like your pawns. like you treated this like chess but the one in checkmate is you. cut to me being voted out but im sick of jordan and his attitude, this is a game in a serious time in the world. its coronavirus quarantine and portraying everyone as literal satan is fucked up and i have zero time for it so. he can take his bad energy to being the world's most bitter juror. i really liked jordan, but this was a really toxic ugly side that came out tonight and i hate it

this lil challenge yall came up with it? I'm not with it https://drive.google.com/open?id=1K3cO8KqOtvKoz6bPPlZ1IoTgrBWY5-7-

if yall dont come get Jordan Pines so I don't beat his ass because I wish he would pipe up to me. He got all the kids scared but not me. Bitch this vote is solid and you wouldn't be doing the most if you could save yourself so bloop. Ali ain't flipping, Devon ain't flipping, Jakey ain't flipping, and the POC's ain't flipping so you can have TJ and the little vote steal cause that's all you got. Wait til Duncan walks in and find out Jordan is trying to put the vote on him he'll really vote his ass out Fuck an idol- if it gets played it gets played but it's not like he's getting to the end so if I walk into jury, so be it. Maybe I'll actually get to finish Cagayan since every time I get hooked in an episode, some fuckery goes down in Akhmim. ALSO WHO THE FUCK SNITCHED???? WE HAD TWO AND A HALF HOURS TO GO YOU SNAKE. I bet it was Duncan or Kendall cause they're the only ones messy enough to still be up Jordan's ass after aaaaaallll of this. Devon really thought about flipping because Jordan promised him he'd reveal the rat if Devon voted with him. Girl really?? https://giphy.com/gifs/oxygenmedia-bad-girls-club-bgc-bgc10-10hUQ2QszsZ75S I'm so sick of these white boys I don't know what to do. Get back in line!!! You don't want the smoke and you know it!!! That's why Jordan's dumbass is trying to switch targets cause it's rock. solid. over here. And it's gonna stay that way too! We can kill Duncan on Thursday but tonight?? We ARE doing Jordan Pines, no I'm not taking any questions at this time. Fuck you mean "I'm tempted?" Bitch I'll end you right here right now. Tribal is minutes away so for fuck's sake stick to the damn plan. And when he goes, we got some things to discuss

today was such a hot mess, first someone leaks the plan to vote jordan out, to jordan, first of all how DARE them because THEY BEAT ME TO IT......ok i dont know if i actually wouldve but i was considering spilling the beans which is why im surprised someone else did, as soon as this happens gorl MY messages were blowing up me and autumn messaged each other at the same time like BITCH DO YOU SEE THIS HASFDKJ but anywho it was actually sad, jordan gave me good tea in the game, so i did try and create a new plan to vote duncan out, because at first jordan wanted to do autumn but i said i didnt want to do that now, maybe eventually, but not now. She helped me win the immunity so i think she genuinely wants to work with me at least for now, but im no dummy i know she's a huge threat, and im well aware that's a move that ill eventually most likely need to make even though she is easily my favorite person to talk to next to augusto/devon/amir/jakey just on like personal levels, but.... ask jakey, im loyal as long as youre not a threat to me, but the minute you become a threat, their aint no team in i ... or whatever the saying is, but yeah i said no to autumn NOW, and i said if you want me to vote with you, help me get the votes to get DUNCAN since i know he's playing everyone and targetting me directly... it almost worked, but jordan making some of the other people feel some type of way hurt him and my chances of pulling this off because in the end i couldnt risk making that move without some of those people on board because i wouldnt want to sever my loyalties to them let alone blindside them (just yet at least), and that would have also forced me on a side with tj and kendall whom i just havent completely clicked with in the game nothing against them tho, but we'll see if im next out then i deserve it for not making a move i just hope i have time to make my move still i think im doing maybe decent at trying to recover from the stupidest move of the game thus far being my POORLY thought out lie, me always quoting sandra "ill lie, but ill make up a GOOD lie.." in my head 24/7 really did not come through on that one... but anywho, devon has told me some piping hot tea, that he has the extra vote, ali has since he told me he has the nullifier, even kendall has made amends with me and ive never had a true problem with anyone personally but kendall was against me strategically and i think on call we at least cleaned the slate for now? ill probably still vote her out next round but at least i wont feel as bad but duncan....oh duncan, sweet duncan, while i adore you as a person, i dont adore you lying right to my face when i straight up asked if you wanted me out originally, when both jordan AND autumn have told me what you been up to sis.... ask my fellow beautys i can hold a grudge so dont poke the bear! and not only that but i will start plotting getting you out and that's 100% the move i want to make next if i have any say in it. Because i think everyone sees now that he's trying to play everyone and recover from his own foolish move of getting exposed from his alliance... so now that i cant believe a word you say, you can no longer believe a word i say! We can keep chatting it up and acting like bestie boos and i do genuinely like him, but from a game point his usefulness has run up. but who knows, im just the local town fool to these people, which is fine because at least i can acknowledge i am but ill probably just be voted out next fajdsk especially if my theory about duncan/jakey being in kahoots is true but guess we'll see

Okayyyyy soooo I have been socializing! It's pretty hit or miss! Ali and I talked briefly in the morning he showed me his doggo, she was absolutely precious. 10 out of 10 lost beauty tribe member will sacrifice my game for her. I talked it out with Jakey, while I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, I feel better about our relationship. Like I said I have better things to do then hate someone because of a game and I feel better knowing that he doesn't hate me on a personal level and vice versa. My call with Duncan was very informative. Turns out Scott and Duncan were the duo rather than Autumn and Duncan and the entire Devon situation wasn't as convolutedly stupid as I had initially thought. Devon I'm so sorry I called you stupid many times in these confessionals I meant it affectionally but I guess you really aren't lol. I am so sorry you are not stupid maybe game botty but you aren't dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He also agreed to work with us, I don't know if that means he's going to vote out a Brawn this round but he will probably keep me around if only for a spare vote. I tried messaging Liam to see if we can call... he hasn't message me back. It's been day... goddamnit Liam... Adam has been talking smack about me, Augusto, and Amir. Which fair enough I guess, we did try to kill him early in the game. But between us and the NuHathor, you'd think we'd be the better option to work with? Idk, Duncan said he'd talk to him but I don't hold out too much hope. I like talking to TJ quite a bit, he reminds me of Jimmy from Malaysia. He's pretty quick witted and a fun conversationalist. God I miss Jimmy :(. If worst comes to worse I really hope my fantastic personality will help me get out of this shit hole. 

[softestziam]

I prompted someone to write about Liam and Petey and Zayn’s reaction. I am filling my own prompt because I clearly can’t say no to myself. SMH.

"Zayn?" Liam called his fiancés name as he entered their New York apartment. He walked further into the home, checking every room he passed. It seemed empty, the bag Zayn had been carrying around with him lately was nowhere to be found. "Petey, I think we're alone, bud."

All Liam got in response was a wagging tail, good enough for him. He had fallen madly in love with the dog, they took to each other instantly. It was supposed to be a short and sweet interview for Buzzfeed in partner with the Animal League. It wasn't Liam's fault that they bombarded him with close to a half dozen puppies. They all needed to be adopted, all of them looking for a loving home. He was supposed to be answering fan questions but kept getting attacked with an overload of cuteness. Puppies were his weakness. Some people's weaknesses were alcohol, drugs, junk food, not Liam. Liam James Payne’s ultimate weakness was a puppy looking for love. Petey took to him instantly, already acting like he belonged in Liam's life. 

"Best decision ever," Liam cooed to the dog, scratching the top of the pup's head. "Watson will take to you instantly, hopefully."

Liam dropped off the bags he was carrying on the kitchen table. He had to stop at the local pet store to get everything Petey would need for the next day before he heads back to London where he had a lot more for the dog. Petey needed a new, snazzy name tag and flashy leash, food was a no brainer, of course. This puppy was gonna live in the lap of luxury, why not get him acclimated quickly. He thought maybe Petey would be their New York dog, their American dog. Watson was a handful, literally and figuratively speaking. Taking care of Watson and Loki got to be too much, on top of all their others animals in their house. Maybe keeping Petey in America wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

Liam crouched down so he was eye level with the pup, making kissy faces at the dog. He was instantly in love, he couldn’t help me. “Maybe you’ll stay here with Baba while daddy goes back to England. Okay?”

Once again all Petey did in response was wag his tail and give Liam’s cheek a tentative lick. The dog had gotten accustomed to him rather quickly but it was obvious why he was so apprehensive, he was used to being cooped up in a shelter, now he had freedom to roam and do whatever he pleased, within reason of course. Liam walked about the apartment, making himself lunch, answering emails and texts, taking phone calls from people from his label, all while Petey followed closely behind him. It was cute and endearing. It made Liam feel less alone seeing that Zayn was off doing god knows what, he was always off recording or doing other secretive things. It didn’t worry Liam at all, he was just as secretive about this music as well. Besides himself Zayn was his biggest critic and the one person’s opinion he cared about the most.

“Liam!”

Liam smiled instantly at the sound of his name leaving Zayn’s mouth. He was in the bedroom changing into a pair of comfy joggers when the front door opened. Petey was resting comfortably at his feet, his ears perked up at the new voice, eyes immediately locked on Liam. So he wasn’t an attack dog that much was obvious. Liam patted Petey’s head and told him to stay as he made his way towards the front door.

“Had a good time disappearing?” Liam greeted him with a warm smile and open arms.

Zayn shook his head in amusement as he engulfed Liam in his arms, inhaling his scent, which always smelt like home to him, no matter what. “You smell different.”

“I smell different?” Liam asked with a laugh, a bemused look on his face as they stepped out of the hug. “Maybe you’ve been out in the sun too long, love.”

“No,” he responded, inhaling Liam’s scent once more. His eyes rolled back, trying to decipher the smell plus loving the intoxicating feeling of being this close to Liam after such a long time. “You smell like Liam and something else I can’t place.”

Liam shook his head at the randomness of Zayn, taking his hand and moving him further into the apartment, pushing him onto the couch. “Relax love, take off your shoes, and enjoy our time together before I leave tomorrow.”

Zayn narrowed his eyes and he slipped off his shoes and placed them beside the couch, never taking his eyes off Liam. Something was up and definitely off about this situation. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he assured him gently, his voice a soothing tone. Liam turned his head briefly to look at the bedroom door, hoping Petey was okay and not making a mess of their room.

“Liam, are you cheating on me?” Zayn asked him directly, moving so he was face to face with Liam, could read his expression and see his face clearly.

“What!” He shrieked, half in horror and half in amusement. He just gawked at Zayn for a minute, opening his mouth to speak but words were getting stuck in his throat. “Y-you really think I’m cheating on you? That’s crazy talk!”

“Crazy talk is me coming home and my fiancé is being all secretive and smelling different. I have every right to assume what I’m assuming, Liam,” he explained, trying to not sound hysterical but coming off that way anyway. “We’re both busy, not being able to see each other all the time like we use it, things change, emotions change, I would understand.”

Liam sat back on the couch, feeling like his heart had just been ripped out of his chest and the remnants were laying on the ground by his feet. “Babe, I would never, ever cheat on you, not in a million, trillion years. No matter how difficult or tiresome the distance might be. Please, don’t ever think that. Ever.”

Zayn physically folded in on himself, feeling overwhelmed and ashamed over his outburst, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, his other hand being wrapped up between Liam’s hands. “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to jump to any conclusions or accuse you of anything, I love and trust you one hundred percent, love.”

“You want to know the truth?” Liam asked after a beat where the two of them just sat there, looking at each other and feeling their undeniable, palpable connection.

“Liam, it’s not necessary, you don’t have to-“

“I adopted a dog,” he announced, standing up and walking towards the bedroom.

“You what!” Zayn exclaimed, his calm demeanor changing quickly as he stood up too and followed Liam. “Liam, are you out of your mind? We cannot get another dog, we are never home to take care of said dogs. Do you not remember how we had to give Loki to your sister and how your mum is taking care of Watson?”

Liam purposely ignored the questions that were being asked of him as he opened the door. Petey was right where he had left him, sitting at the foot of the bed, his raised his head at the sound of the door and panted with excitement when he spotted Liam. “Look at him Zayn, how could I’ve said no to this face.”

“Easy, no,” he replied as he walked into the bedroom. “Liam, I get that your heart has too much love in it sometimes, and that’s amazing, one of the many reasons why I love you, honestly. But we cannot have another dog. They get attached to us and then we have to either get rid of them or give them to our family. It’s not fair to them and it’s not fair to the animals.”

“But Zaynie, look,” he cooed, getting on the floor to properly pet the dog. Petey immediately crawled into Liam’s lap and licked at his face, overly excited. “He is so sweet and gentle, he’ll be a perfect addition to our family.”

“Leeyum.”

Liam took one of Petey’s paws and waved at Zayn. “Hi Zayn, my name is Petey and I’m the cutest thing in this entire world. Please, please love me?”

“You’re ridiculous,” Zayn directed his comment at Liam with a pleased laugh. “You cannot hide behind this dog all day.”

“His name is Petey,” he corrected him, still waving the dog’s paw at Zayn. “He’s from the North Shore Animal League in Long Island, he needed a home and we have an abundant amount of them. Please?”

Zayn exhaled and took a seat on the bedroom floor next to Liam and Petey. “Liam, we can’t just adopt another dog and then abandon it months down the road, you get that, right?”

“I know,” he acknowledged and smiled brightly as Petey leaped off his lap and into Zayn’s nosing at his rings and sniffing him out, getting himself acclimated. “See he likes you.”

“He was in a shelter, he’ll like anyone who shows him affection,” Zayn corrected, trying to resist the urge to pet Petey’s head. He was pretty damn cute. “Babe.”

“We’ll keep him in New York with you, it’ll give me a reason to come here more often,” he tried to bargain with him, his face still in a wide smile as he watched Zayn and Petey interact.

Zayn looked up at Liam and back down at Petey, running a hand alongside the top of the puppies head, feeling how soft and warm and inviting this dog was. “So you adopted him as a ploy so you’d have a reason to come see me more, huh?”

“Is it working?” Liam asked, raised eyebrows and a warm smile on his face. He was secretly hoping this would all work out in his favor.

A slow nod of the head and a gleam in his eye was all Zayn was willing to give Liam at the moment. He couldn’t believe how easy it was to give into Liam, even after all these years. “You better come visit us often, okay?”

“I’ll fly here every week,” he promised, moving forward and giving Zayn as kiss. “My two favorite boys under one roof, doesn’t get much better than this honestly.”

“You’re such a knob,” Zayn laughed, properly petting Petey now. “It’s just gonna be us bros, Petey. Hope you get used to it.”

“Best day ever,” Liam sighed contently as he watched Zayn bond with Petey.

[lubdubsworld]

Under my Skin. ( Namjoon/Oc) (Yoongi/OC)

Author’s note : i would like to apologize for the completely unoriginal titles. i clearly suck at naming my fics, smh. 

Chapter 3 

“this is weird.” I say softly, propped up against the headboard of the bed, the thin white sheets covering me up, shoulders bare and stinging a bit from the cold air. Yoongi is lying on the opposite end of the bed, leaning back on huge pillows, my camera grasped firmly between long ivory white fingers as he snaps away a few pictures. He’s shirtless, chest bare and starkly white against the sheets, bed cover hanging lazily off his sharp hip bones. He’s all smooth skin and lean muscle, skin faintly flushed and sweaty. 

After a nice dinner, we had spent the night walking across the skywalk, while i snapped off some truly spectacular photos of the Seoul skyline. I realized during the course that Yoongi was a lot like me, laidback, casual and an easy going guy. 

“You have some amazing post-coital glow thing going on, seems a shame not to record it.” He says, going back to check the pictures. I’m pretty certain at least a few of those pics have nipple-slips. I make a mental note to delete them before my roommate accidentally saw them. 

“For posterity?” I grin. 

“For posterity.” His gummy smile is blinding, displaying sparkling white teeth and the whole thing is just unfairly adorable. 

  i shake my head and fumble for the bra that’s hanging off the lamp shade and his hand shoots out, gripping my wrist. 

“Don’t. You’re pretty this way.” He protests and I tug my hand away. 

“I’m cold.” I mutter in protest and he sits up, the camera placed to the side, forgotten already. I smile as he crawls over, drawing me in till I was cradled against him. 

“I’ll warm you up.” His lips pressed briwfly against my ears and I sigh. 

“What am i even doing here? “

“Having bomb sex and playful banter? Why’re you complaining?”

“Because, you’re an idol  . This is stupid. whatever this is, it’s reckless and dangerous. ” I shake my head. 

“It’s too soon to think that far , come on. It’s just... you’re really pretty and you’re intelligent. And I love Photography and honeslty it’s like all my favorite things in a girl and I feel like letting you get away would be like, the worst mistake of my life.”

“That’s oddly creepy but very sweet.” I laugh, burrowing closer to the warmth of his body. 

“Tell me more about you. Where’s home?” He says curiously and i hesitate. 

“Busan...” I say softly. 

“When did you come to Seoul?” he asks. 

“When I was fifteen. I got a scholarship to the School of Performing Arts. And then after High School, another Scholarship to the Seoul university. i got into the photography department three years ago. I’m in my final year. Working on my thesis and hopefully I’ll land a nice job by the time i get out...”

“Parents?” He lightly stroked back my hair. 

“Dead.” I say shortly. 

He doesn’t reply, just hums. 

“SO how did this happen? How does a photographer suddenly start taking fancams.” 

“Beats having to work in a supermarket. “ I say drily. “ Mostly because it pays and i get some experience too. i mean, i know I can’t actively build a portfolio on what I do, it’s all copyrighted stuff after all but, I’ve learned a lot. Lightings, angles how to make the subject look good. It’s a learning process.I don’t see it as anything different from one of the classes I take in college and i work just as hard. ” 

“Am I too?” He says curiously. 

“Are you what?”

“A course you’re taking and working hard at? ” He grins. 

“Something like that....You’re just... an interesting elective that i’ve taken up for fun.” 

He laughs at that. i hesitate a bit before turning over. 

“What about you?” 

“I came here when I was eighteen. No scholarship though. Came on my own bucks. Ended up sleeping on the pavement some nights but.. yeah, was worth it at the end I guess.” 

I swallow. 

“you should be pretty fucking proud of what you got done.” i say firmly. 

He shrugs

“It’s just luck, most of it. The right people at the right time. Mostly it’s about grabbing on to opportunities when they come around. “

“And the right people.” He adds. “ I’m nothing without my bandmates. I’d die for them. Especially Joon ah and Hoseok... ”  

I swallow. 

 Didn’t yoongi hyung pay you yet? You know you aren’t special right? 

“ Do you do this with a lot of girls?” i hate myself the moment the words were out. 

“Take them to bed? Sometimes. Take them to an expensive  hotel ? I’ve done it once or twice before.... Tell them about my life story and take naked pictures of... no. You’re the first. ” 

I feel worse. 

“Then why-”

“You’re honest. True to yourself. You know there’s a distinct lack of genuine people in the world. I like people who act the same with everyone. And i feel like you’re one of those people. “ 

I didn’t reply and he pulls me closer. 

“Besides, I think you’re good at what you do. I spoke to my PDnim ... you can give me your portfolio and maybe the next photoshoot you can sit in. If they like your work they’ll hire you as an assistant. At least it’ll be experience you can put on your resume. Don’t waste your time chasing idols. That’s not something a girl with your talent should be doing... ” He says seriously and i go still.

“what?” i stiffen , pulling away.

“ It’s just an opprtunity. i’m giving you an opprtunity. Don’t overthink it. “ His voice is awkward and a little annoyed and i try to still my pounding heart. 

In the end, it’s not really an option. i’m not an idiot. An opportunity like that is invaluable.  I promise to send him my portfolio and he agrees to call me once he talks to his boss. 

“I’m busy the next few months. Our Comeback is next month. October 12... I’ll get you free passes for the stage, if you promise to come without your camera.” 

I laugh. 

“i get passes anyway. and sorry , i don’t go  anywhere  without my camera” 

~~~~~~~~

“ I need just 100 dollars! What fucking use is a scholarship if you can’t give your old man , 100 dollars?” My father is gripping the edge of the couch with blue veined fingers, the inside of his wrist and elbows littered with needle marks and he has that feverish look in his face that i’ve come to associate with hurled abuses, broken glasses and bruises that couldn’t be hidden with make-up. 

“i didn’t get paid yet. I still don’t have a job, you know that.” I grit out impatiently. My landlord hates me. She’s in her early thirties and she once tried to make me sneak her into the backstage of a BTS concert because she ‘ wanted to find Jung kook. Aside from the fact that Jung kook is a baby( barely legal) my neighbour was beyond creepy. I’d yelled at her to stop being a pervert and to find someone her own age. 

In return, anytime my father came around to visit, the stupid woman let him into my apartment. 

“You’re shitting me. Gimme that stupid camera then, if you’re not making money off it. I’ll at least sell that piece of crap and buy myself some stash.” 

I clench my fists. This was tiring. I had classes in an hour. i grab my purse and get the money i got for my last assignment. i count it out carefully, keeping just twenty dollars for the food this week. There was a GOT7 comeback and an ASTRO stage as well. They would pay less but maybe if i took on a couple more (  but you have two papers to turn it, fuck..) I’d be able to make rent this month. 

 “ i have forty dollars. That’s all i have. Take it and leave.” I snap, grabbing the cash and thrusting it in his face. 

My father stares at me with a seedy look in his eyes. 

“I’ll be back for the rest , later this week.” He says, snatching the money out of my hands and stalking out. 

I watch him leave and sigh, dropping my head into my hands. 

There went six hours of shivering in the cold and making Min Yoongi look good. 

~~~~~~~~~

The next three weeks were a frantic mess of shows and concerts, lots of bruises from being jostled in crowds , finishing two papers and finally finding a muse from the fashion department to pose for my piece on Extravagance. Now all i had was my final paper to turn in and i would be done for this semester. The last semester would be my finalk thesis presentation and ?I would be done with college. 

And honestly, it was the thought of getting it over with, that kept me going. i was busy all day and Min Yoongi almost completely slipped out of my mind ( except when i occasionally felt too stressed out and took that snow globe out of the closet and stared at it . i couldn’t help it, because that trip to Florence had been one of the best times in my life. ) 

As October came around with  rainfall and winds, my boss told me that i would have to go for the BTS comeback stage at M! Countdown. He’d managed to get a special press pass for me and I was beyond flattered that he’d actually given me and actual journalitsic work. This wasn’t just recording. i could get pictures backstage for the offical article. This was actually something i could put on my resume. 

I quickly, nod, grinning ear to ear when he drops the bombshell. 

“ You’ll be focusing on Namjoon, this time.” 

i freeze in place. 

“what?”

“Kim Namjoon. He’s the leader. He’s the one our journalist will be interviewing backstage. JJ will ask the questions and you’ll just have to take a few snaps. it’s easy work. “ 

“The fancam..”

“That too. Because you’ll be busy backstage, i’ve asked other kids to cover the fancams. You can just watch the concert. No need to film. “ 

I nod wordlessly. 

I was screwed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kim Namjoon still hates me. 

That much is obvious, as i stand to a corner of the stage, clutching my camera while JJ took notes next to me. The screaming is unbelievable and as the rest of them do their soundcheck, I try to ignore the way Namjoon keeps tossing glances at me. Yoongi gives me one subtle wink and a small pouty kiss that send the fans into a frenzy and ignores me completely afterwards. Or So I assume. i’m too busy trying not to spontaneously combust from the heat of Namjoon’s gaze. 

In the seductive lighting , with his perfect make up and insanely well fit clothes he looks like something straight out of a Grimm’s brother’s fairytale. A wayward prince . I can’t believe how utterly sinful their attire is, expensive jackets and in Namjoon’s case, a poet shirt with a firm black waist band and ruffled lace in the front. His hair is off his forehead and his legs look like they’re a few miles long at least. His pants are skin tight and tailored to perfectly fit his thighs and his calf muscles and honestly, there’s nothing more disconcerting than the way his dimples keep peeking out at sudden intervals. 

I’ve never been happier about not filming. My brain is turning to mush. 

But as the first strains of the music start, i can’t help turning my camera on, simply because i felt naked without it. It’s easier, safer to look at him from behind the lens of my trusty friend. I grip it harder and it’s better , through the lens he’s just another subject. Someone to record. 

focus. Lighting. Angles. Posture. Learning Process.

Except the only thing i could learn was that his legs were too long, his waist so mouth-wateringly lean and everytime his palm moved over his waist and caressed his crotch, I felt like dying. 

But really, why were they grabbing their crotch?!

 the worst part was, Namjoon kept glancing at me, and each time he did , i felt my throat constrict. He moved sharply and i realized that he wasn’t even a bad dancer. He was just too tall and too.. manly . Namjoon would look so much better in a suit in a board room , gripping a glass of scotch and playing God. 

The choreo was brutal , and by the time they were done with all three songs, the boys ( men really ) wwere sweaty and tired. Me on the other hand, I was completely zoned out. My breath came in stark pants and it felt like there was cotton wool in my lungs and I felt disgusted, my shirt sticking to my skin and the hair at my nape dripping with sweat. 

i feel saturated with feelings of inadequacy, like i’m doing something wrong and it feels a bit like I’m going to overflow, like all these miserable feelings are going to spill out of me and make a mess on the dirty floor . I choke on air as I grip JJ’s sleeve, letting her lead me to the backstage door. 

“Hello. Nice to meet you, Rapmon ssi..” JJ shakes hands and bows and I just stand there, too stunned to react. 

But he does it for me. 

“Hello, Ae Rin.” He says, voice low and polite and so respectful, not at all the rough angry tone I’d heard the last time. He sounds amazing. Whisky smooth and attractive. 

 My name. How did he know my name?

“ So about this comeback..”Jj began her questions and I pulled the camera up, trying to get the right angle. The first two clicks are easy. And then he glances at me and my mind comes undone like a ball of wool in the hands of a kitten. I stare stupidly , wondering how his stare was all it took to unravel me. What the hell’s happening? 

i drop my gaze to the camera and review the pictures, frowning when I notice the smudged lipstick in the pics. I look back up and it’s there , on the corner of his lips.

“You’ve got...” I stop, picking at my own lips to try and tell him that his gloss was smudged, except all the gesture did was draw his gaze to my lips and the way he stares at my mouth... it’s not good. 

“Fix it..!! Come Here!” Jj hisses and pushes me in his direction and I stumble forward, stunned. Did I really have to ..

I slowly get down on my knees in front of him and my throat is parched. 

He stretches out, offering his face to my touch and I feel cross eyed, staring at him as my thumb presses against the plush softness of his lips. I swallow, audibly, loudly and his gaze slips to my throat, and I wipe at the smudge, once and then twice. When I do it again, in a trance, his tongue sneaks out, without any warning, tip brushing against my finger and I yank my hand back in shock. It’s enough to almost send me sprawling and his hand shoots out , fast, gripping my wrist firmly. He pulls me back up and I topple over, my palm landing on his thigh and my fingers curling on the lean muscle of his leg without conscious thought. 

“I’m sorry about the last time. i was out of line.” His words catch me off guard and i feel like I’m sinking and the sensation is so foreign and unexpected. His thigh feels firm beneath my fingers and his grip on my wrist is hot and firm and oddly grounding.  I wonder what it would be like to have those long , firm fingers on other parts of me and a whimper bubbles out before i can smother it. 

Namjoon looks even better upclose and there’s something unreadable in the way he looks at me. His gaze is heavy and fond, affectionate and curious and almost sad. I feel like i’m drowning and I have to tamp down the urge to press my palms against his face and slot my lips over his. To climb on his lap and just kiss him senseless. 

But he’s sitting with JJ and I’m kneeling on the floor in front of him, the camera forgotten, my hands on his thighs and this is not how this is supposed to go at all.

“I.. it’s.. fine. I’ll just go.” I stumble back and stand up. 

My legs feel weak, my heart feels battered and my mind is still on stand by. I go through the rest of the interview like a zombie, my brain complete mush. When he finally leaves, JJ gives me a look that is part disbelief, part annoyance. 

“God, why didn’t you tell him you had a crush on him?! i mean could you be more obvious...” 

I shut her out, my mind running in circles. 

I didn’t have a crush on him. I was sleeping 9 or had slept 0 with his best friend. 

I didn’t. 

I  couldn’t. 

AUTHOR’S NOTE : Oh wow, this just took me back to college when i had this super huge crush on an older guy.i would literally start tapdancing when i saw him, hahaha... Thank fully he never knew...  kekekeke... 

What do you guys think? 

[battleofthebits]

Day 4 of @softkent ‘s fic-a-thon: Love Spells!

Eric’s always known he has magic; growing up in the South, he had to repress it just like his figure skating and sexuality. His moo-maw always warned him about the dangers of making things happen that he ain’t never meant, about accidentally poisoning somebody you hated or influencing the outcome of an important competition. It was much better, according to her, to never feel too openly or want too much, because you might change the world without knowing it.

Eric has, for the most part, followed her instructions. He’s been perfectly sweet and nice and bottled-up for the better part of his life, at this point, and he likes to think that keeping his magic under control has been old hat. Or rather, had been.

Something is wrong, now. Something on the SMH is off, and Bitty has a sinking feeling it’s his own fault. Because Eric is pretty sure that Jack Zimmermann likes him. Not the way he’s bros with Shitty or holds a pact of Canadian solidarity with Ransom, but… likes him, likes him. Jack keeps being nice, and friendly, and actually emoting, and sometimes Jack’s eyes go soft around Eric in a way that he’s never seen with anyone else. None of it is familiar. None of it is normal.

Eric must be doing something inadvertently, casting a love spell with nothing but his own misguided crush. And he might not know much about magic, but Eric’s pretty sure that that doesn’t fall under Shitty’s “uncoerced, enthusiastic consent” rules. 

He has to put a stop to this, whatever “this” is. Even if it means Jack goes back to the way he was when they first met, even if Jack never looks at him like he matters or gives him an encouraging fist bump or chirps him about his procrastination.

Eric tries everything he can think of, eliminating variables the way he learned in high-school chemistry. The obvious place to start is with the pies.“Made with love” isn’t just a phrase, sometimes. But refusing to give Jack pie for a week “on account of your diet” just gets Eric an approving nod the first time. Worse, when he keeps deliberately withholding pie, Jack starts smiling, as if the two of them have an inside joke now. It’s a quiet little grin that makes Eric’s knees a little wobbly.

So, obviously, the pie was a bust, and Eric is reinstating Jack’s baked-good privileges immediately.

The next thing to eliminate is spending time together. Eric ignores Jack as best he can when they study, talks to other people in Professor Atley’s class, and goes to as many alcohol-based events as possible. Jack’s eyes look a little droopier, but they don’t lose that softness when he’s looking at Eric. Worse, Eric’s fixating on Jack’s sad, soft, droopy eyes, and that can’t be good for either of them.  

Now, Eric didn’t want to screw with their on-ice chemistry, nor refuse help he actually needs, but the next logical step is to eliminate physical contact. And that, above all else, means no more checking practice. No early mornings waking up and hating Jack’s entire being for a few minutes. No getting slammed into the boards and trying to skate through his sudden panic, but then again, no watching the sunrise from inside Faber. No being with Jack, plain and simple.

And worst of all, he’ll have to straight-up tell Jack that he doesn’t want to do practice anymore.

“So, Jack,” Eric says, “I think I’ve improved a lot as a player, and since you’ve got so many responsibilities this year, I think it would be better for me not to waste your time with practice that you’re not getting anything out of. What do you think?”

Señor Bunny flops a little from where Eric had placed him as a trial audience.

Eric is so screwed.

He avoids the situation for a good week, finding ways to just plain not be around when Jack is at the Haus, and barely responding during skates. Eric’s pretty sure the other players have figured out something’s going on, but nobody’s said anything to his face about it yet.

Finally, the day before checking practice rolls around. Eric corners Jack in the kitchen while Lardo has class and the boys are out on a beer run.

“So,” he says, “I’ve been thinking, and it’d probably be better if we stopped doing checking practice. I mean,” he adds a little frantically, as Jack’s expression darkens, “you’ve got so much on your plate this semester, and I’ve improved as a player, I really have, I’m not even sure I need it anymore! So it’s probably best for both of us if we just… don’t go?”

“What’s going on, Bittle?” Jack says.

“What do you mean, what’s going on?”

Jack makes a vague gesture. “This thing you do. You smile and tell a nicer version of the truth, sometimes even lies, whenever you talk about yourself. I don’t know why, but you’re bullshitting right now, and I’d rather you not.”

“..I…” Eric doesn’t really have anything to say to that.

“If you’re gonna lie, I don’t want to hear it.”

Eric sighs. Might as well let it all out. “You know how I can just make pies sort of appear? And how I can do a perfect axel in hockey skates, and how I cleaned up the Haus so fast? I kind of have magic. And, well, there’s no good way to say this, but. I may, accidentally, have used it. A little. On you.”

“But I don’t feel any different,” Jack says, frowning. “I knew a guy in juniors who turned into a cat once, and he said he was all pins and needles the day before.”

“It has to be magic, though.” Eric tells him. “Things like this don’t just happen!”

“Things like what?”

“Like you going from hating my guts to respecting me as a linemate. Like you breaking your diet for my pie whenever I give you a piece. Like you, I don’t know, liking me?” Eric finishes, feeling distinctly awkward.

Jack’s frowning again. “You thought that I only like you because you did something with magic that you can’t even explain?”

“Not… not just liking me,” Eric replies. In case his intentions do matter, he’s praying that the floor will swallow him up before he finishes the statement. “Like-liking me.”

“Oh,” Jack says. “Huh.”

Eric waits a moment, in case the floor was listening. “Yeah,” he says, miserably, and turns to go. He gets all the way to his room and shuts himself in, preparing a playlist that’s really just the sad parts of The Pinkprint, before there’s a clatter on the stairs and a voice at the door.

“Bittle? Would you please let me in?”

And against his better judgment, Eric does, because he’d bet anything Jack is giving him the soft droopy eyes on the other side of the door. He’s so weak.

Jack crosses the room and comes right up to Eric, gazing at him with eyes that are not only droopy but determined. “I hadn’t thought about you that way before, but that doesn’t mean I can’t. It’s just that we’re teammates, and the captaincy gives me some authority over you. It could’ve gotten weird, you know?”

Bitty knows with every fiber of his being how weird things have gotten. He manages a nod.

“But now I’m not going to be here much longer, I know you much better, and I think… well. I might just like-like you. Not because of any magic you have, but because of you. And if you’re up for it, someday we might progress to full-on love-love.”

There’s a new smile on Jack’s face, earnest and warm, and it’s so dazzling that Eric almost doesn’t realize he’s just been chirped.

[gardenstateofmind]

tw self harm i don't eat and don't sleep as a way to self harm basically. it's like a control thing, it's the same reason i self injure (cutting, burning, hitting things until i bruise) like i have so much anger and frustration bc i feel so fucking useless and helpless and i hate myself and i cant seem to do anything about it. so doing that stuff gives me a physical outlet for all those emotions. it's one thing i Can affect. and seeing myself broken is satisfying, like my outside matches my inside. idk i just like it a lot? makes me feel good, like there's at least something i can do right it started in eighth grade and continued steadily through sophomore year, but freshman year was definitely the worst of it. i got really unhealthy, i was always dizzy and my hair was falling out a lot, i looked half dead most of the time. it's kinda weird having an eating disorder that's not weight related though, cause it's a minority, so a lot of information abt eds has never applied to me. for years i legit didn't think i counted as having an ed cause i actually have a good relationship with food, i love it, and it's also a big part of my mexican heritage. it's like just the physical act of eating and sensation of being full and yeah like it's not at all a calorie thing. until i put together that an eating disorder means literally just that, the reasons behind it can be anything i mean i definitely still do all this stuff, but ive gotten a lot better at using healthier coping skills over the years, im on medication, and my mom keeps a closer eye on me, so i have less reason to do it. i have a not so negative relationship with self harm. while i ofc never recommend doing it, and i strongly advocate for recovery, when it comes to myself, i dont really see it as such a bad thing. like it's really just a coping mechanism, the problem is just that it hurts you in the process. but it's fuckin socially acceptable to drink ur problems away, and to a lesser extent do drugs. so as long as im not addicted i dont see why i should abstain from the things that make me happy during bad times just bc they're not socially accepted. so i dont actually ever plan on stopping these behaviors, rather i want to stop the reasons that cause them. i want to have a happy healthy life, but if shit goes down, i wouldnt stop myself from self harming (if i have kids tho i would def think twice bc i never want them to think it's okay to hurt urself. yes im a hypocrite) it's funny though bc even though my mental illness has definitely gotten more severe over the years and even more symptoms have showed up, it felt so much worse when i was in like middle school. i guess bc i was a lot younger and i didnt have the experience i do now. i mean ive pretty much always been mentally ill and neurodivergent, but little kids' lives are usually pretty easy in our culture, and my thoughts weren't that complex, so overall it was a decently good childhood. but then when i was nine it got So Much Worse, i guess cause i hit puberty and ur brain gets super unstable at that time, and yeah it was like nothing id ever dealt with before and it was really debilitating. i had breakdowns constantly, i went through a couple huge personality shifts (and they say u can be borderline as a child lmao) and even though i made it super obvious, my mom didn't realize it was like a legit disorder and just thought i was an angsty kid, so it went by mostly ignored. my friends thought i was just emo. which like i am lol but yeah it just wasn't a Serious thing. if id had the opportunity i wouldve totally tried to kill myself multiple times between ages 9-14. by the time i technically had a suicide attempt (i say technically bc i started to overdose but stopped taking pills before it got Official Overdose levels, which i explicitly told the doctors but they still labeled it as an attempt smh) i was 15 and tbh i wasn't as suicidal as when i was 13 at that point, it was just the first time i felt i really had the opportunity. (like i mean there's always some way to off urself, if i was really dedicated i couldve just drank antifreeze or smth but i was not so suicidal that i wanted to go painfully lol) so yeah even though the severity of my symptoms has increased, im way better at dealing with it, and id say im a pretty happy and positive person overall, and im really lucky that im able to handle my symptoms so well. it's why i can pass for almost neurotypical in public lol. also why i dont have some of the major "signs" of mental illness, cause they have to do with how ur disorder affects ur relationships and socialization, but im very good at keeping that stuff away from others. except for my mom. my poor mom deals with so much of my shit