#while i no longer personally see the appeal i'm glad it was enjoyed

[peridots-pixiwolf]

[Start ID. A digital drawing of Leif from Bug Fables in bright colors on a purple background. He is standing with his wings open, blocks of ice levitate above one raised hand and the other points at the ground. His sharp, insectoid features are emphasized somewhat. He isn’t incredibly expressive, but seems to hold himself in a determined manner. End ID]

Leif should get to be bright and spiky sometimes. as a treat

[mononijikayu]

casual — geto suguru.

You nodded, trying to keep your expression neutral. "Yeah, it was nice. Just, you know, casual." "Right, casual. I know, doll." Suguru echoed, his gaze lingering on you a moment longer before he looked away. "No strings attached." "Exactly, yeah…." you said, forcing a smile. "We're both busy, and this doesn't have to mean anything more than... what it was." "Yeah." he said, his voice a bit quieter. "Just a one-time thing. No need to complicate things."

GENRE: Alternate Universe - Canon Convergence;

WARNING/s: Angst, Unrequited Love, Romance, Casual Friends with Benefit, Falling In Love, Lack of Communication, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Food, Disassociation, Smut, Depiction of Sexual Intercourse, Depiction of Depression, Depiction of Food Withdrawal, Depiction of Disassociation;

WORDS: 6k words.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: this took me awhile to write and i wish it didn't but i was busy trying to help my brother heal up from his own fever and then i also felt unwell after going out and visiting my cousins. crazy week so far, but i'm glad to be writing again!!! i'll be publishing pasilyo tomorrow!!! i hope you enjoy this and see you soon <3

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YOU HATE THIS APARTMENT. You know you picked it out. You went through the painstaking process of finding the best you could afford in all of Tokyo, sifting through countless listings, visiting countless open houses, and scrutinizing every detail with a critical eye. You even reached out to Nanami, seeking his advice on how he had found his own place, hoping his insight would guide you to something perfect. 

But now, standing in the middle of the empty apartment, it just feels overwhelming. The walls seem to close in around you, their pristine surfaces a harsh reminder of the solitude that awaits you. The space, while objectively beautiful and well-chosen, feels alien and unwelcoming. The soft, neutral colors and high-end finishes that once seemed so appealing now appear cold and impersonal, like a display in a showroom rather than a home.

Each corner, every room, is meticulously arranged, yet it all feels distant, disconnected. The furniture you carefully selected—elegant, stylish pieces that should have brought comfort—now feels like mere props in a stage set, lacking the warmth and familiarity of a true home. The shelves stand empty, the walls bare, and the lack of personal touches only amplifies the feeling of displacement.

You had envisioned this place as a haven, a refuge where you could build a new chapter of your life. Yet now, it feels like a stark reminder of everything you’ve lost, of the gaping void left by Suguru’s absence and the weight of the decisions that brought you here. The reality of living alone in such a polished, empty space contrasts sharply with the vibrant, chaotic life you once had, and the dissonance is almost too much to bear.

The once-anticipated comfort of the apartment now feels like a cage, trapping you in a space that reflects the isolation and emotional distance you’re struggling to overcome. You try to imagine filling the space with personal belongings, with memories that would make it truly yours, but the task feels daunting, almost insurmountable. Each step you take feels heavy, burdened by the weight of unfulfilled expectations and the deep, pervasive sadness that lingers in every corner of this new, unwelcoming environment.

Since Haibara died and Suguru defected, the world has felt irreparably altered. Their absence has left a void not just in your life but in the very fabric of the world you once knew. Their departures were seismic shifts, upheavals that have reshaped everything—your sense of security, your understanding of your place in the world, and the very essence of who you are. The bonds you once relied on have frayed, the connections you took for granted have been severed, and you are left grappling with a reality that seems both unfamiliar and unkind.

The change is not just in the external world but within yourself. The person you were before all these events feels like a distant memory, replaced by someone who struggles to find meaning and connection in the aftermath of loss and betrayal. How could you not change when everything around you has been transformed so drastically? The world has moved on, and you are left to navigate its new contours alone.

People are worried about you. The concern is palpable, especially from Gojo Satoru, who has always been like a brother to you, a constant in a world that has become increasingly unpredictable. His worry is perhaps the most poignant, reflecting the deep bond you share and the impact of your struggles on those who care about you. His concern is a reminder that while you feel isolated, there are still people who want to help, who see the pain you’re enduring, and who are willing to support you even as you grapple with the overwhelming weight of your new reality.

He’d been trying to reach you for weeks, his calls and messages a persistent thread in the silence of your days. Each notification from Gojo felt like a distant echo, a reminder of the world outside the narrow confines of your apartment. Yet, each time you saw his name on your screen, you hesitated, unable to muster the energy to respond. The weight of the past was a constant companion, keeping you awake through endless nights.

The dreams, when they came, were a cruel mockery of the life you once knew. Each night was filled with hauntingly vivid memories of better times with Suguru—laughter shared in quiet moments, his touch, and the warmth of his presence that now felt like an elusive phantom. The contrast between those dreams and the stark reality of your waking life was almost too much to bear.

Food, once a source of comfort and nourishment, had become a meaningless necessity. The meals you prepared, though carefully chosen, lay untouched on the counter. Their taste had lost all appeal, a reflection of the emptiness that now colored every aspect of your existence. Eating had become a mere act of survival, a stark reminder of the joy that had been stripped away.

The outside world, with its bustling streets and vibrant energy, felt distant, almost foreign. Tokyo’s vibrant chaos seemed to exist in a different realm, one that you could observe but not truly engage with. The city that once felt like a living, breathing entity now felt like a backdrop to your solitary struggle, its noise and activity a harsh contrast to the silence of your own life.

It was on one of these evenings, shrouded in solitude, that Gojo finally appeared at your door. His concern was palpable, a stark reminder of how far you’d retreated from those who cared about you. When you opened the door, he stood there, his face a mixture of frustration and worry.

“I’ve been calling you for weeks.” he said, his voice heavy with concern. “Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you in ages.”

You tried to muster a smile, but it fell short, your exhaustion too profound to conceal. “Oh, Gojo. I didn’t expect you.”

He stepped inside, his eyes quickly taking in the state of your apartment. The neatness of the space did nothing to hide the emptiness that pervaded it. “You don’t look well.” he said, his cerulean gaze moving to the cold meal on the counter. “I’ve been worried. What’s going on?”

You shrugged, feeling the weight of his scrutiny. “It’s nothing. Just... struggling, I guess. Food doesn’t taste right anymore.”

Gojo moved closer to the counter, his eyes scanning the untouched food. “This isn’t just about food. You need to take care of yourself. When was the last time you had a decent meal? When was the last time you really slept?”

You looked away, your voice trembling as you tried to suppress the tears. “I don’t sleep much. When I do, it’s filled with dreams of Suguru. It’s like he’s everywhere, but also nowhere.”

His expression softened, a flicker of empathy in his eyes. “I get it. You’re missing him. But you can’t let it consume you. You need to find a way to move forward.”

You shook your head, the enormity of the situation pressing down on you. “It’s not that simple. The outside world feels so distant now, almost foreign. I’m just... lost.”

Gojo’s hand gently rested on your shoulder, his touch a grounding presence. “I know…But you can’t do this. He…he wouldn’t want this either.”

You knew that. But you felt a pang of guilt as you tried to reassure Satoru about your well-being. The effort to project a sense of normalcy, to offer him even a glimmer of hope that things might improve, weighed heavily on you. You knew that your struggles were far from over, and while you didn’t want to burden him with the full extent of your despair, the pretense felt like a delicate dance on the edge of honesty.

Because you don’t know how he does it. How he keeps himself from going insane. You wished you did. You wished you could be him. Because you’re exhausted. You wanted to move on. You wanted to be free. But still, you’re here in this cage of grief, living like this. Being in pain. Being empty. 

Your graduation, which should have been a moment of triumph, was marred by his absence. The empty chair next to you was a constant reminder of what you’d lost. Now, in the stillness of your apartment, the silence is deafening. The memories of laughter and shared dreams haunt you, and the loneliness seeps into your bones. 

You can’t help but wonder where he is, what he’s doing, if he ever thinks of you too. Suguru’s defection was more than just a betrayal; it was a fracture, a deep wound that hasn’t healed. And as you sit in the vast emptiness of your apartment, you wonder if it ever will.

Back when you lived in Jujutsu High's dorms, life was different. Shoko would pop by unannounced, always ready to share the latest gossip, her presence a comforting constant. Those moments of laughter and whispered secrets felt like a lifetime ago. Back then, you had Digimon show nights with Satoru, the two of you arguing over favorite characters and plot twists, the banter and camaraderie a soothing balm to the stresses of your training.

And then there were those cold nights when you needed warmth, and Suguru Geto was there. His presence was a refuge, his arms a sanctuary. The conversations you'd have, the plans you'd make for the future, they were all wrapped in a cocoon of shared understanding and affection. His departure left a gaping hole, one that you haven't been able to fill.

Now, you are all alone. Anyone is, with your one’s grief. And now you truly are, separated from everyone else. The silence is oppressive, the loneliness a constant companion. The walls of your new apartment seem to close in on you, a stark reminder of what you once had and what you've lost. The memories of Shoko's gossip, Satoru's laughter, and Suguru's warmth are ghosts that haunt you, their absence a painful reminder of the life you once knew.

In the stillness of the night, you sometimes catch yourself hoping for a knock on the door, for Suguru to walk in with that familiar smile, as if everything could go back to the way it was. But reality is harsh, and you know that those days are gone. All you have now are the memories and the lingering hope that somehow, someday, things might change.

Geto Suguru left without saying anything, that day he went on his mission. He was supposed to be back in a day or two—at least that’s what he said during the phone call you shared when he was on that train. His voice, calm and reassuring, echoed in your mind long after the call ended. But that was the last time you heard his voice. The last time he called you. It was him getting off your seesaw game, finally stepping out of your world and leaving you with nothing but a broken heart.

And yet, he was never your boyfriend. You and him kept up the pretense, a delicate dance of closeness and distance, never truly naming what you had. The word "casual" was used way too much, a shield to protect fragile hearts from the vulnerability of the word "love." You remember the nights spent together, the conversations that felt like they meant something more, but neither of you dared to cross that line.

You often think back to that call, replaying every word, every nuance in his voice. It was supposed to be just another mission, nothing out of the ordinary. But something shifted, something changed, and Suguru never came back. His departure was like a cruel twist of fate, leaving you grappling with unanswered questions and unspoken feelings.

In the aftermath, you were left to navigate the wreckage alone. The routines you shared, the subtle intimacy of your connection, all shattered. The memories of his touch, his laugh, the way he looked at you when he thought you weren’t watching—they haunt you, a bittersweet reminder of what could have been.

You’ve tried to move on, to piece together a semblance of normalcy, but the void Suguru left is vast and unrelenting. The "casual" facade you both maintained now feels like a cruel joke, the missed opportunities for something deeper, more meaningful, a constant source of regret. You wonder if he ever felt the same, if he ever wanted to bridge the gap between you, but the answers are lost to the silence he left behind.

The seesaw game you played, the delicate balance of give and take, is now a lonely ride. You’re left suspended in midair, longing for the weight of his presence to bring you back down. But all you have are memories and the lingering ache of a love that was never fully realized, a connection that was always just out of reach.

The room was quiet, the only sound was the soft hum of the city outside the window. You lay there, the sheets tangled around your legs, your mind spinning with a mix of emotions. Suguru was next to you, propped up on one elbow, his dark eyes watching you intently.

"That was... something." you finally said, breaking the silence.

Suguru chuckled softly, a sound that sent a shiver down your spine. "Yeah, it was," he agreed. "Unexpected, but not unwelcome."

You nodded, trying to keep your expression neutral. "Yeah, it was nice. Just, you know, casual."

"Right, casual. I know, doll." Suguru echoed, his gaze lingering on you a moment longer before he looked away. "No strings attached."

"Exactly, yeah…." you said, forcing a smile. "We're both busy, and this doesn't have to mean anything more than... what it was."

"Yeah." he said, his voice a bit quieter. "Just a one-time thing. No need to complicate things."

You felt a pang in your chest but ignored it, keeping your tone light. "Right, no need to complicate things. We have enough going on with our missions and training."

"Absolutely, you’re right." Suguru said, but his purple eyes told a different story. There was a flicker of something deeper, something more, but it was quickly masked by a casual smile. "We're just two friends who had a good time."

"Exactly." you repeated, wishing you could believe it. "......Just two friends."

Suguru reached out, his fingers brushing a strand of hair from your face. "I don't want this to change anything between us, doll." he said softly. "I value what we have."

You nodded, your heart pounding. "Me too. This doesn't have to change anything."

He smiled, but there was a hint of sadness in his eyes. "Good. I'm glad we agree."

You both lay there for a moment longer, the weight of unspoken words hanging between you. Finally, Suguru sighed and rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "So, breakfast?"

You laughed, the tension breaking slightly. "Yeah, breakfast sounds good."

You felt like crying again, and you hated it. You hated yourself for it. Because there was nothing between you and Suguru. You were casual. It’s been a year, and there was nothing after that. He left you. He chose his path. He chose to burn the world to free himself from torment. But now, you are in torment. 

You sat on the edge of your bed, the weight of the silence pressing down on you. The memories of that night haunted you, the way he had looked at you, the way his touch had set your skin on fire. It was casual. Just a one-time thing. That’s what you told yourself, what you both agreed on. But the lie felt like a knife twisting in your gut now.

Suguru had left, and with him, he took the future you had secretly hoped for. You were in love with him. You didn’t want anything to be casual with him. You didn’t want it to be nothing. You wanted more, so much more, and now you knew you would never get anything.

The tears threatened to spill over, and you clenched your fists, trying to hold them back. You hated how weak you felt, how vulnerable. The world moved on, but you were stuck, trapped in a web of your own making. Suguru’s absence was a constant ache, a reminder of what you had lost, what you could never have.

He chose his path, and it led him away from you. It led him to destruction, to a darkness that swallowed him whole. And now, you were left to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart, alone in the vast emptiness of your new apartment. The echoes of your own thoughts were deafening, and the realization that you would never see him again, never hear his voice, never feel his touch—it was almost too much to bear.

You buried your face in your hands, the tears finally escaping, hot and bitter. The sobs wracked your body, each one a painful reminder of your unspoken feelings. You had wanted so much more, but you had been too afraid to ask, too afraid to risk the fragile balance you had. And now, it was too late.

Suguru was gone, and with him, any chance of something more. You were left with memories and regrets, with the knowledge that he had chosen his path, and you were not a part of it. The torment of unrequited love consumed you, a relentless ache that you couldn’t escape. You cried for what was, for what could have been, and for the future that would never be.

There was a strange stillness in the air, a quiet that felt almost suffocating. It felt different tonight. You sat on the edge of your bed, staring blankly at the wall, your thoughts a tangled mess of memories and regrets. The knock on your door was so soft, you almost didn't hear it. For a moment, you thought you had imagined it, but then it came again, more insistent this time.

You wiped your eyes, forcing yourself to stand. Each step toward the door felt like walking through quicksand, your heart pounding in your chest. You weren't expecting anyone. As you reached for the doorknob, a part of you wondered if you were dreaming, if the grief had finally driven you mad.

You opened the door slowly, the hinges creaking in protest. And there he was. Geto Suguru stood in the doorway, looking every bit as if you remembered him, but different somehow. His eyes held a depth of sadness, a haunted look that mirrored your own. He seemed exhausted. As much as you, you think. But you say nothing for a few moments. You just stare at him, as though trying to be sure you weren’t hallucinating. 

"Suguru?" Your voice was barely a whisper, the word catching in your throat.

He gave you a small, almost hesitant smile. "Hey."

"What are you doing here?" you asked, your voice trembling with emotions. “Why—”

"I needed to see you, doll." he said softly. "I just had to see you tonight….will you let me in?”

You don’t know how he found out your address. Or how he was able to know which apartment block yours was. But you didn’t say anything. You didn’t want to force anything tonight. You nodded and stepped back, allowing him to enter. The silence between you was heavy, filled with all the words that had been left unsaid. You closed the door and turned to face him, your heart aching with a mix of hope and fear.

"Why now?" you asked, your eyes searching for him. “Why come back to me now? I….I’m not…”

He looks at you, almost longingly. “I don’t know.”

The weight of Suguru's confession hung in the air, but before you could process it, he spoke again, breaking the silence. "I know this is unexpected. I know I don't have the right to just show up here like this, but I need to talk to you.”

You stepped back, the doorway now feeling like a chasm between you. "Suguru, this is a bad idea. You shouldn’t be—”

He took a hesitant step inside, his presence filling the space. "I just want to talk. Please."

The room felt smaller, more suffocating, with him in it. The tension was palpable, a fragile thread that could snap at any moment. He glanced around the room, his eyes lingering on familiar objects—things that hadn't changed since he left. Things he wished wouldn't change. From the corner of his eye, he could see it. That uniform button he left behind. He purses his lips.

"How are you?" he asked, his voice low and careful.

You crossed your arms, trying to hold yourself together. "How do you think I am, Suguru? There's an order to kill you on the spot. If people find out you're here with me, the higher ups will get me.”

He flinched at your words, a shadow passing over his face. "I know the risks. I wouldn't have come if I didn't think it was important."

You shook your head, frustration and fear mingling in your chest. "Important? You think this is important? You left, Suguru. You choose your path, and it has nothing to do with me. Now you show up out of nowhere, and you want to talk?"

"I had to." he said, his voice almost pleading. "I've made so many mistakes, but leaving you was the worst one. I had to see you, to tell you how I feel."

Your heart ached at his words, but the reality of the situation loomed large. "And what do you expect me to do with that information? Do you want me to just forgive and forget? To pretend like everything's fine when it's not?"

He took another step closer, his eyes searching yours. "I don't expect anything. I just needed you to know. I needed to try and make things right."

You looked away, the emotions swirling inside you too much to bear. "Suguru, you don't understand. It's not just about us. If they find out you're here, they'll kill you. And I'll be branded a traitor."

He nodded slowly, understanding the gravity of your words. "I know. And I'm sorry for putting you in this position. But I couldn't stay away. Not anymore."

The room was thick with tension, the weight of everything unsaid pressing down on you both. You wanted to reach out, to bridge the gap between you, but the fear of the consequences held you back.

"I don't know what to do." you admitted, your voice breaking. "I don't know how…I don’t know how to handle this."

Suguru stepped closer, his hand hovering near yours. "You don't have to do anything. Just let me be here, even if it's just for a little while. Let me be with you."

You looked up at him, the pain and regret in his eyes mirroring your own. The risk was enormous, but the pull of your heart was stronger. For a moment, you allowed yourself to imagine that things could be different, that maybe, somehow, you could find a way through this together.

But reality crashed back down, harsh and unyielding. "Suguru, this can't last. You know that."

He nodded, his expression filled with sorrow. "I know. But for now, can we just..."

You took a deep breath, the conflict tearing you apart. "Okay. For now."

Suguru’s eyes softened at your words, relief washing over his features. The air between you was thick with unspoken emotions, the tension palpable. You could feel your resolve wavering, the walls you had built around your heart crumbling with every passing second.

He took another step closer, closing the distance between you. His hand reached out, gently brushing against yours. The touch was electric, sending a shiver down your spine. You looked up at him, your breath catching in your throat as his gaze held yours.

“For now.” he repeated softly, his voice filled with a mixture of hope and longing.

You couldn’t hold back any longer. The months of separation, the endless nights of aching for him, all came crashing down in that moment. You closed the gap between you, your lips finding his in a desperate, hungry kiss.

Suguru responded instantly, his arms wrapping around you, pulling you closer. The kiss was intense, filled with all the emotions you had both kept bottled up for so long. It was as if you were trying to make up for lost time, to pour all your love and longing into that single, searing connection.

Your hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, needing to feel him, to assure yourself that he was really there. Suguru’s hands roamed over your back, his touch igniting a fire within you. The kiss deepened, growing more fervent, more desperate. You broke the kiss just long enough to catch your breath, your foreheads resting against each other. The intensity of your emotions left you both breathless, but neither of you pulled away.

“Suguru.” you whispered, your voice trembling with the weight of everything you felt.

“I know.” he murmured, his breath warm against your lips. “I know.”

You kissed him again, this time even more passionately, your need for him overwhelming any lingering doubts. His hands slid under your shirt, his touch sending sparks of electricity through your body. You gasped against his lips, your body responding to him in ways you had tried to forget.

The world outside ceased to exist, the only thing that mattered was Suguru. Being here with you. The kiss grew more intense, a fierce clash of lips and tongues, as if you were both trying to make up for the lost time, for all the moments you had been apart.

Suguru’s hands moved to your waist, lifting you effortlessly and guiding you toward the bed. You didn’t resist, your body craving his touch, his closeness. As he laid you down gently, his lips never leaving yours, you felt a sense of rightness, a feeling that this was where you were meant to be.

His body pressed against yours, the heat between you growing more intense. Every touch, every kiss, was a reminder of what you had lost and found again. Your hands roamed over his back, pulling him closer, needing to feel every inch of him.

“Suguru.” you whispered, your voice filled with a mixture of need and desperation.

He responded with a soft groan, his lips trailing down your neck, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. “I’ve missed you so much, doll.” he murmured against your skin. “Too much…”

You arched into his touch, your body responding to him in ways you had almost forgotten. The intensity of your desire for him was overwhelming, a force you couldn’t control. You pulled him back up, capturing his lips in another searing kiss.

As the kiss deepened, the intensity grew, the passion between you igniting like a wildfire. And for the first time in a long time, you allowed yourself to hope, to believe that maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for something more.

The walls themselves felt like they were closing in, drawn tighter by the charged energy of the moment. The temperature seemed to rise with every movement, the warmth of your bodies pressed together creating a cocoon of intimacy and passion. 

You moaned against the kiss, feeling his hand around the back of your neck, his fingers tangling in your hair. He was always so good at making you defenseless when it came to him. When it came to Suguru, you surrendered without a fight.

His lips trailed down your jawline, planting heated kisses along the sensitive skin of your neck. Each touch sent shivers down your spine, your body arching into him, craving more. His other hand roamed over your back, his touch firm yet gentle, as if he were memorizing every inch of you.

"You have no idea how much I've missed this." he whispered against your skin, his breath hot and tantalizing. “How much I missed you.”

You could barely form words, your mind clouded with desire. "S–suguru…." you breathed, your voice trembling with need.

He pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, his own gaze dark with intensity. "Say it, doll." he urged, his voice a low, husky command. “Use your words.”

"Suguru, please." you repeated, feeling the heat of his name on your lips, the weight of it in the air between you. “I need you.”

A satisfied smile curved his lips before he kissed you again, deeper this time, his tongue exploring your mouth with a fierce, possessive hunger. You responded eagerly, your hands clutching at his shoulders, pulling him closer, needing to feel him, to lose yourself in him.

His hand slid down from your neck to the small of your back, pulling you against him, your bodies fitting together perfectly. The sensation was almost overwhelming, a mix of intense pleasure and deep, unfulfilled longing. Your heart pounded in your chest, the sound echoing in your ears, drowning out any remaining doubts.

As the kiss grew more fervent, more desperate, you felt yourself melting into him, your defenses crumbling with every touch, every caress. Suguru had always had this effect on you, this ability to make you forget everything else, to make you feel like you were the only two people in the world.

"I missed you." you whispered against his lips, the confession slipping out before you could stop it.

He groaned in response, his hand sliding up under your shirt, his touch searing against your skin. "I missed you too, doll." he murmured, his voice thick with desire. "More than you know."

As he continued to kiss you, his hands exploring your body with a reverence that made your heart ache, you realized that no matter what happened next, no matter the consequences, this moment was worth it. Being with Suguru, feeling his love, his desire, his need—it was everything you had ever wanted, everything you had been missing.

And in that instant, you knew you would face any danger, any threat, just to keep him here with you, to hold onto this feeling for as long as you could. Because when it came to Suguru, you were willing to surrender without a fight.

The heat between you was almost unbearable, the intensity of your desire for Suguru consuming you. His hands continued their exploration, each touch sending waves of pleasure through your body. You could feel his need, his desperation, mirrored in your own.

"Suguru…" you whispered again, your voice a mix of longing and urgency.

He responded with a deep, passionate kiss, his tongue delving into your mouth, tasting, exploring. Your hands roamed over his back, pulling him closer, needing to feel every inch of him against you. The sensation of his body pressed against yours was intoxicating, driving you to the brink of madness.

His hand slid under your shirt, his fingers tracing a path up your spine, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. You arched into his touch, a soft moan escaping your lips as he reached the clasp of your bra, deftly undoing it. The feeling of his hands on your bare skin was electric, every nerve ending alive with sensation.

"You feel so good, doll." he murmured against your lips, his voice husky with desire. 

His words sent a shiver down your spine, your body responding instinctively. You tugged at his shirt, needing to feel his skin against yours. He helped you, pulling it over his head and tossing it aside, revealing the toned muscles of his chest and abdomen.

You ran your hands over his chest, your fingers tracing the lines of his muscles, feeling the heat of his skin beneath your touch. He groaned softly, his hands moving to your hips, pulling you closer. The feel of his arousal against your thigh sent a surge of desire through you, your need for him growing more intense with every passing second.

He lifted your shirt over your head, his eyes darkened with lust as he took in the sight of you. "You're beautiful." he said, his voice filled with admiration.

You blushed under his gaze, feeling a mix of shyness and exhilaration. "Suguru." you breathed, reaching for him.

He kissed you again, hungrier than before. You could feel his hands sliding down to your jeans, unbuttoning them with practiced ease. You helped him, pushing the fabric down your hips, kicking them off along with your underwear. The cool air against your skin was a stark contrast to the heat between you, heightening your senses.

Suguru's eyes roamed over your body, his expression one of reverence and hunger. He reached for you, his hands gentle yet firm as he guided you back onto the bed. You lay there, your heart pounding, as he stripped off the rest of his clothes, revealing the full extent of his arousal.

He climbed onto the bed, his body hovering over yours, the heat of his skin radiating against you. He kissed you again, his lips trailing down your neck, your collarbone, his hands exploring every inch of you. The sensation was almost overwhelming, your body arching into his touch, craving more.

"I need you." he whispered against your skin, his voice filled with urgency.

"Then take me." you replied, your voice trembling with anticipation.

He positioned himself between your legs, his hands gripping your hips as he slowly entered you. The sensation was exquisite, a mix of pleasure and pain that left you gasping, your body adjusting to the fullness of him.

"So deep, Su…." you moaned, your hands clutching at his back, your nails digging into his skin.

He moved slowly at first, his strokes deep and measured, his eyes locked onto yours. The intensity of his gaze, the connection between you, was almost too much to bear. You wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him deeper, urging him on.

He responded with a groan, his pace quickening, each thrust sending waves of pleasure through your body. You moved together in perfect rhythm, your bodies melding into one, the world outside fading away.

Every touch, every kiss, every movement—each a story of love and desire you felt for each other. The intensity built with each passing second, your moans mingling with his, the sound of your bodies coming together filling the room.

"S–suguru!" you gasped, feeling the tension building, the climax approaching. “I….I’m close!”

He kissed you deeply, his movements becoming more frantic, more desperate. "I love you, doll." he whispered against your lips, his voice raw with emotion. “More than you know.”

The words sent you over the edge, your body convulsing with pleasure, your vision blurring as the orgasm washed over you. Suguru followed moments later, releasing a powerful, shuddering wave that left him breathless, his body collapsing against yours.

You lay there together, your bodies intertwined, the aftermath of your lovemaking leaving you both spent and sated. For a moment, the world was perfect, the dangers and fears forgotten. In that moment, all that mattered was the love you shared, the connection that bound you together.

Suguru propped himself up on one elbow, his gaze tender as he looked down at you. You turned to face him, your eyes heavy with a mixture of satisfaction and lingering emotions. He stroked your hair gently, his touch soothing. 

"I know I’ve been gone for a long time.”

“You have.”

“I’m sorry for leaving you without any explanation." He whispered to you. “For making you suffer.”

You sighed, closing your eyes as you listened to his words. "It’s been really hard. I didn’t know if you were ever coming back. And when you did… it was like opening old wounds all over again."

Suguru’s fingers traced patterns on your back, his touch calming. "I understand. I’ve had time to think about everything, and I realize now how much I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. But I needed to see you, to try to make things right, even if I’m not sure how."

You looked up at him, your eyes filled with a mix of sadness and hope. "What do you want from me, Suguru? What do we do now?"

He took a deep breath, his expression serious. "I don’t expect things to go back to how they were before. I just want to be honest with you.” 

The sincerity in his voice touched something deep inside you. You took his hand, squeezing it gently. "You’re someone dear to me, Suguru. You always will be.”

You could see how painfully beautiful his smile was. And just as much, how easily he started to grieve this moment. “I know.”

You snuggled closer to him, your body seeking the warmth and comfort of his embrace. As the weight of the conversation and the exhaustion from the emotional rollercoaster began to take their toll, you felt yourself growing drowsy.

Suguru’s arms tightened around you, his presence a soothing balm to your restless heart. "You should get some rest," he murmured, his voice gentle. "I’ll be here until you fall asleep."

You nodded, your eyes fluttering shut as the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat lulled you into a peaceful slumber. The feeling of his body pressed against yours, the gentle caress of his hand on your back, was all you needed to drift off.

When you awoke, it was to the soft, hesitant brush of Suguru’s lips against yours. You stirred, your eyes blinking open to find him gazing at you with a mixture of sadness and affection.

“I have to go, doll,” Suguru said quietly, his voice filled with regret. “But I’ll be thinking of you. Always. Wherever I go, wherever I am. I’ll only love you. Only you.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. The weight of his words hung heavily in the air, each syllable resonating deep within you. You wanted to respond, to find the right words to express how much his declaration meant to you, but the lump in your throat made it difficult to speak.

Instead, you simply reached out, your hand finding his, holding it tightly as if trying to anchor him to this moment. His fingers intertwined with yours, and for a brief second, you found solace in the connection, the warmth of his touch providing a bittersweet comfort.

Suguru leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering as if trying to imprint the memory of your skin on his own. His eyes met yours one last time, filled with an intensity that spoke of a deep and unspoken promise.

“Take care of yourself, doll.” he whispered, his voice barely more than a breath. “Live for me.”

You nodded, your eyes misting as you tried to hold back the tears. “I will. You too, Suguru. Be safe.

He kissed you one last time, a tender, lingering kiss that seemed to hold all the words left unspoken. His lips brushed against yours with a softness that belied the intensity of the emotions swirling between you. It was a kiss that conveyed both farewell and the depth of his feelings, a final, aching promise wrapped in the warmth of his touch.

As he pulled away, his eyes searched for yours, filled with a profound sadness that matched the heaviness in your heart. There was a moment where time seemed to stand still, where every second stretched into eternity. The look he gave you was a mixture of regret and deep affection, as if he were trying to imprint this final moment into his memory, to hold onto it even as he had to let go.

With a final, loving glance, he slowly rose from the bed, the movement reluctant and heavy. The contrast between the intimacy you had shared moments before and the distance growing between you now felt like a cruel irony. He began to dress, his actions slow and methodical, each movement a reminder of the separation that loomed ahead.

You watched him, feeling a hollow ache settle in your chest. The sight of him buttoning his shirt, pulling on his jacket, seemed to magnify the reality of his departure. Each piece of clothing he put on felt like a barrier, a wall being erected between you. The warmth of his touch was replaced by the cold distance of impending goodbye.

When he finally finished dressing, he paused by the door, turning back to you with one last, lingering look. His eyes were filled with a mixture of sorrow and determination, the kind of gaze that promised he would carry you with him, even as he walked away. The sight of him standing there, so close yet so far, was almost too much to bear.

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, and then slowly walked toward the door. Each step he took felt like a betrayal to the moment you had shared, each creak of the floorboards a painful reminder of the separation. As he reached the door, he turned to look at you one last time, his expression a final plea for you to understand.

“Goodbye, doll.” he said softly, his voice breaking slightly with the weight of his emotions.

With those final words, he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, leaving you alone in the room that now felt unbearably empty. The door closed behind him with a soft click, and the sound echoed in the silence that followed.

You sat there, feeling the overwhelming sense of loss, the weight of his absence pressing down on you. The room, once filled with the warmth of his presence, now felt cold and desolate. You reached out to the space he had occupied, your hand trembling as if trying to grasp at the remnants of his touch.

The tears finally came, streaming down your face in silent, aching sobs. The finality of his departure settled in, leaving you with the bittersweet memory of his touch, his kisses, and the love you had shared. As you buried your face in your hands, the pain of his absence was a stark reminder of the reality you had to face, the love that remained but was now out of reach.

You lay back down on the bed, the lingering warmth of his presence a bittersweet comfort. Yearning for what remained of him. The reality of his departure settled in, slowly. Tears kept falling and you couldn’t stop them. When you closed your eyes, all you could see was him. 

You cried until you were too tired to do it. And as you drifted back to sleep, you held onto the memory of his touch, his kisses, and the promise that, despite everything, he would always be a part of your heart. He would always be your ghost. He would always haunt you, even when you’re old and gray — he would always be more than a casual memory. He’d always be the one that got away. And you knew….you were his too.

[beifong-brainrot]

Good evening you have the rumors concerning the new avatar series? what do you think?

Good evening (I say as i type this at 13 o clock)

I have heard the rumours and I've read the article I think you're referring to.

I know this has caused a bit of a mixed reaction from the fandom, some folks being excited and curious, while some are more sceptical, if not outright upset with the direction being taken. Personally, I try to never write off a piece of media until I've personally experienced it. So write me down as neutral or cautiously welcoming of the new Avatar.

The article gives us a few hints to the future Avatar. She is supposedly a young homeless girl with an amputated leg. Apparently, her animal companion is supposed to be a large catlike creature, so I have big hopes for the beeeg kitty. I'm glad Avatar seems to be sticking to their guns of representing disabled people, Toph, Teo and Ming-Hua being a very enjoyable change from disabled characters usually being excluded from combat and action scenes in most shows like this.

The character also supposedly has a twin sister, who is powerful in her own right, and apparently trained by the White Lotus. It will be interesting to see this dynamic played out.

Earthbending twins fans stay winning. 🥳 Also if there is no mention of the Beifong twins I'll riot.

[Still not over the fact that atla had Poi and Ping and tlok had... Wei and Wing. The creativity is absolutely astounding.]

The concept of the Four Nations no longer existing is probably one of the biggest surprises to me, as they were always such an intergral part of the show. Apparently some near apocalyptic event had happend, Korra being forced to stop it and restructure the Four Nations into seven "havens". It's possible that this event is what killed Korra, however that's just a theory. A game theory as the kids say.

It will be interesting to see a restructured world, and it will allow us to get to relive the thrill of discovering a new fictional realm. But it also feels a bit bittersweet, since it may feel as if everything all our favourite characters previously worked towards is null and void.

I'm not terribly excited about the likely futuristic sci-fi enviornment the show will probably be set in. It was bound to happen, and I'm sure it will appeal to some folks. I personally rarely enjoy the science fiction genre, as I often find it boring and generic. There are exceptions, like Signalis or Katedra, however these pieces of media have more of an existential horror-y vibe that I don't think would be plausible in the Avatar franchise.

And I worry that thw Avatar franchise will slip into a 'generic sci fi' aesthetic and lose what made it unique as it strays further from the cultural influences that made it so unique and beloved. I hope that they'll be able to maintain what I love about the series. As Netflix's 'Over the Moon' managed to blend sci fi and chinese influences, I hope the next Avatar series is able to blend the cultures they drive inspiration from.

Apparently the designs for the new Avatar and one of her friends have been leaked, here. Though I'm not sure if this is legit, I'm a bit dissapointed. The new Avatar looks adorable, but their outfits look so generic. Like they could be background Voltron characters and I would not bat an eye.

Atla and Tlok had very clear influences with the patterning and cut of their clothings. Tlok merged these influences with early 20th century fashion, but still maintained more traditional clothing for characters not from Republic City.

While the potential new designs bear some hallmarks of the other shows' character design options, such as baggier trousers and longer designs for upper body clothing, they lack most of what made avatar clothing styles unique.

It is a shame if these are the real designs, because other than theit clothing, the character themselves look fine. The potential new Avatar, Pavi looks fucking adorable and looks to be South Asian, which is about time, since the whole concept of the Avatar comes from those cultures. And I will defend her from the racist, misogynists and abelists that may potentially argue that the show about a world entirely made of poc is going woke.

I do hope the best for the new show, despite my reservations, and hope the best for the new Avatar and that she doesn't get too much hate for coming after Aang and Korra. I hope the creators will take notes from what they did wrong in tlok, as well as have more creative freedom due to not being so much under Nickelodeon's control.

I think it's also important to remind everyone that just because we're getting the next Avatar, doesn't mean we won't get to see Korra or the Krew again. Atla comics were releasing while tlok was happening and are still in works at the moment. So it's very possible that we will still get to see Korra's adventures in comics and even potential movies. As the adult Gaang movie is going to probably be in thetres next year, so we may very well get Korra movies too.

Though I'd like to remind everyone that adult Aang's VA in the upcoming movie is Eric Nam, who has expressed pro Israel sentiments.

Having this man play Aang, a genocide survivor is a slap in the face to both the character, his fans and actual victims of genocide, so I will not speak about this movie until he is recast.

[iturbide]

I think everything you said RE: Grima and violence and age is why I'm one of those who prefers the reincarnation angle: it allows at least ONE Grima to wrestle some amount of agency over his own future away from everyone else.

Robin wholeheartedly rejects the future of being violent and evil and hurting people by existing. He chooses to live among people. It strikes me this can only happen in a timeline Grima sent himself back in, because what allows Robin to grab that agency is the memory from Grima: the memory of killing Chrom, which to me implies INTENSE REGRET for that to linger from Grima's going backwards in time.

I'm really glad you like that breakdown! I think a lot of the preference for possession vs incarnation can come down to what tropes each individual enjoys most, and for me personally, there's a lot of narrative appeal to the possession angle.

A big things for me is how it paints Validar, honestly. Sombron may be far, far more monstrous in the grand scheme of things, but there is something so intimately heinous to me about Validar looking at his newborn child and seeing not the endless possibilities that might await that new life, but a meat puppet, made to be drained of potential and filled with the will of an ancient god. He says himself that he's willing to bring Robin to the brink of death, specifically because it won't matter how he broke them after Grima claims their vessel. It says so much about his character.

One of my favorite things about it is the idea of a dragon suddenly finding themselves in a human body, and how they would adjust. I love the image of the striking change in body language: Grima's dragon form doesn't have lips, so their old body gaped its jaws when it wanted to smile, and this translates in expressions that are too wide and unnerving in a human body; little gestures also become more exaggerated, like head tilts when confused or examining something, because the dragon had a long neck with a much larger range of motion that's just not possible on a human body (though the instinct to try is still there).

(Also, I do have a soft spot for the horror aspect of Robin's friends and family seeing that figure and recognizing them...until they move, or speak, and realizing in an instant that something is Wrong, because that's not how Robin walks, that's not how Robin sounds, so who is that?? I love that so much, it's so fun to play with.)

But while it's certainly true that the reincarnation aspect is very poignant, personally I think that the possession angle has equal potential for emotional resonance -- just maybe in a different way.

So, fair warning, this is a lot of personal speculation and headcanon, but at this point it's baked into a lot of my writing so there's no getting away from it.

It starts with Grima being sealed by Naga and the First Exalt. I think it's fairly reasonable to say they were pretty pissed about this fact. But also...there really wasn't anything they could do anymore, at that point. They could rage and fume all they wanted, but they no longer had a connection to the world. Maybe they could watch, somehow, from a distance, or through a veil, but the world was out of reach. For a thousand years -- a substantial chunk of time even for a dragon -- they were disconnected from everything.

And then, very suddenly, and seemingly out of nowhere, they feel something.

Because Robin has been born bearing the Heart of Grima.

For the first time in a millennium, Grima has a connection to the world through this newborn babe. They can feel through Robin's senses, hear through Robin's ears, see through Robin's eyes. The world looks different from this perspective, rather than seeing it all from above, and though Grima has no direct influence over anything, they soak it in all the same, because it's different and it's new and no matter how they might deny it, they want this.

And so Grima gets to see Robin grow up. Secreted away from Plegia by their mother, Grima is first-hand witness to Robin's upbringing, able to see the shape that the world molds them into. And perhaps they find themselves growing attached to this child, who is told from a young age that they were born with a gift, a blessing, in the form of their Brand...and who chooses to safeguard it. Robin does not hate their connection to Grima and try to disavow it, nor do they flaunt it and use that blessing as an excuse to exert their will over others: they hide it from the world, yes, but only to prevent it from falling into hands that would use it for evil.

Grima knew what it was to be both revered and reviled in equal measure by mankind. But Robin's connection is different. There is no reward for protecting that secret, but they do so regardless. They love Grima, in a way that the Fell Dragon doesn't recognize.

Grima finds themselves returning that love in whatever way they can. They lend power when Robin is in need, fueling the Ignis skill that saves their life on more than one occasion. They listen sympathetically to Robin's thoughts, and perhaps offer advice in the bad times (though Robin never recognizes it as anything more than their own worst impulses). They come to care for the human that was made to be their vessel, and want for them all the things they could never have for themselves.

But they see, too, that the world has not changed that much in the thousand years they've been dead. Humans are still cruel and callous, still dishonest and dogmatic, still killing one another over less than nothing. Grima sees everything they loathed about the world remains just the way it was...and then sees Robin live through it, choosing to fight only when they have to, choosing to be kind even when they shouldn't. And Grima can't hate Robin, as much as they might want to. They've come to care too much for that.

Eventually Robin falls in with the Shepherds, and maybe things aren't easy, but they're better. Robin starts to open up They make friends. They're happy -- really happy, not just putting on a front. And Grima is happy for them, glad to see them finally getting the good things they deserve in life, and vicariously enjoying it all through that connection they share.

...but then everything goes wrong.

Then there comes a war with Plegia.

Then there comes the Dragon's Table.

Then there comes an insidious presence, forcing Robin to act in ways they never would.

And their dearest friend dies at their own hand.

Robin is bereft. Robin despairs.

And in that bleak, terrible moment, Grima reaches out to them, and promises them the power to make the man responsible pay. To make him suffer, as he has made Robin suffer.

Robin is grieving. Robin isn't thinking.

And just once, Robin gives in to their worst impulses. Because in that moment, more than anything in the world, they want revenge against the man who made them murder their closest friend.

And Grima takes control of their vessel, and smites Validar off the face of the earth on Robin's behalf. Plegia is already dead because of Validar, her entire population wiped out by his Grimleal Cult to raise the dragon's body; Grima turns the sea of corpses to Risen, and sets them on the monsters who saw this atrocity through.

That's all it takes. One moment of weakness. One mistake, made in a moment of despair. It's not until later that they both realize that this cannot be undone: that Grima's soul, now bound within Robin's body, can't be removed; that Robin's soul, nudged aside but held tight to keep it from being disembodied, can't resume control of their own body without both of them expending incredible effort. The Risen, now unleashed, cannot be controlled, and once the last of the Grimleal Cult are dead they spread inexorably across the land.

And so Lucina's timeline comes to ruin -- all because Robin loved Chrom, and Grima loved Robin.

But, of course, that's not the end of the story. Because Lucina, in an effort to change fate, petitions Naga and returns to the past with the other Shepherds' children, escaping their dying world to prevent catastrophe. And Grima follows her into the past...not to assure their resurrection, but to prevent it.

They know from the outset that they are choosing death. But this time, it is their choice. To preserve a world that Robin loved, and to give Robin a chance at a happy life, Grima goes back to help Lucina change the past, entering Validar's fold to unmake his designs where they can, minimize the potential damage where they can't.

And this time, love doesn't end in tragedy.

[ofallthingsnasty]

Nasty you have opened my eyes to the potential spiciness of dentists. I don’t have a medical kink but I did see the appeal of hot yandere doctors, but dentists? Idk they seemed to a little too vanilla for me (sowwy 🥺) But now I’m like…I can see the potential.

Especially since I went for a routine cleaning during the winter break. I’m pretty familiar with going to the dentist - due to having braces as a preteen and getting my wisdom teeth removed a few years ago - so thankfully it’s not anything I fear. But I don’t enjoy going to the dentist. I don’t know how universal the procedures are around the world but I also feel so helpless when I’m laid down flat and a piece of cloth is laid over my face, save for my mouth. And I have to endure the water pick and the electric toothbrush. Water tends to fly into my nose and breathing is a bit of a hassle. Sometimes I subtly gag on the water and I struggle to keep my mouth wide open, many times the dentists have to remind me to “open up wider”. Just thinking about a yandere dentist seeing me like that, so pliant but helpless, and…boom they get hard

Or that thing when they put a foam mouthpiece in your mouth with some sort of filling? It’s like flavored fluoride, I think? I hate that part the most actually. I have to sit there for about 30 seconds with my mouth around it and drool dribbling out of the corner. Oh the erotic possibilities…Especially if, like your recent drabble with Law, they tell you it’s one thing but it’s actually a certain bodily fluid >:3c

Also, I sometimes wonder if I were to send some stuff about yanderes + dentistry if it ever gets too far. You are a dark content writer but dentistry is also your job! I was wondering if you had any hard limits when associating it with dark content

!!! I'm glad I was able to make yandere dentists more appealing to you - and honestly, you thinking that the job is 'too vanilla' for dark stuff is a compliment. I'm happy when people aren't afraid of coming in and see us as a nuisance at best 😇

Yeah, it's all about the power play and being vaguely to extremely uncomfortable, right? While dental work isn't life or death (fortunately, lol), there is still a power imbalance here. Whenever I go to my dentist and get something done I'm cramped up to high heaven and my blood pressure drops like mad - what I'm saying is that I'm scared even though I'm a dentist 😭 I usually take from that experience, maybe dip into the dental phobia aspect a little.

I wouldn't say that I have hard limits per se but for me it's more about the quantity, if that makes sense? Don't get me wrong, it's fun to be able to use my knowledge for "evil" and write weird medical shit but I simply can't do that all day every day, haha. Sometimes I just don't wanna think about work lol (you know escapism and all that jazz lol) If inspo strikes and you wanna chat, you can always come to my inbox!! Sometimes it might take a little while longer bc I may not be in the mood but my general rule if that if something is triggering/a no-go, I simply let the person sending the ask know. I promise I'm never mad!! (And I don't judge. I started this account with piss porn and have a whole-ass fursona for it... I'm not one to talk, ever.)

[butterflydm]

Enjoying your series recaps. Just on thing wrt Min & Rand falling in love: while I agree she's pretty short on reasons/details to love, etc, they were together longer than the others, off-page. Great Hunt ended in fall, Dragon Reborn began in spring. They spent 5-7 months in the camp together. That's plenty of time to get to know each other, hence his dreaming of & missing her in books 3-6, her weeping when he left, etc, even if he didn't act on his feelings due to officially being with Egwene.

I'm glad you enjoy my recaps! <3

re: Min, part of my issue is that they DO spend a lot of time together and yet barely seem to know each other.

All the potential time in the world doesn't matter to me if it doesn't actually seem to lead to anything of substance, basically. And Rand and Min, in their own internal narration, do not actually seem to know each other well, so if they DID talk during those months, it seems like it was only on very shallow topics.

She makes lots of really off-base assumptions about his personality and his behavior (ex. she assumes that he would enjoy having three girls panting after him and abuse that fact to have them at his beck-and-call), she's constantly blaming him for her own choices, and Rand never consciously thinks about her as anything but a friend early in the series.

She 'sneaks into' his thoughts about Elayne and Aviendha, so I do agree that Jordan wanted the readers to believe that something was brewing there in Rand's subconscious (but Mat does too sometimes and I don't think Jordan wanted us to make an assumption there, lol) - plus there was the viewing, of course, which Min chased after as soon as she decided she was all-or-nothing for it.

I do think the idea that Egwene is the reason that Rand didn't jump on the idea of dating Min between TGH & TDR kinda downplays a lot of Rand's self-hate that was there at the time, also. Rand isn't ever the one to make the first move with any of his love interests (except, technically, asking Egwene to dance back in EotW, back before he had any suspicions about being a male channeler). Elayne straight-out tells him that she's fond of him in TSR before they kiss; Aviendha has a little speech and kisses him first in TFoH before they hook up; and Min wages a weeks-long campaign of 'friendly' kisses before they hook up in ACoS.

Plus, their romance seems very unhealthy! So that definitely affects my feelings. There are unhealthy romances that I personally ship, so I'm not saying that's a reason not to ship Rand x Min in general, but the way that it is unhealthy doesn't appeal to me personally.

Thanks again for the ask! Unfortunately, my feelings towards Rand and Min are unlikely to warm in the near future, but I absolutely DO NOT hold my feelings on book!Min against show!Min and am looking forward to hopefully seeing a more actualized romance arc there.

[friedwritinggamingghost]

Before I start, let me preface this by making it clear that this post is NOT anti-Chack. This is just about my thoughts on it. And how my perspective changed.

I have read several stories with Chack as the pairing, when I was younger I used to enjoy reading that pairing, and while it's no longer my cup of tea I can still see what the appeal is.

But I've recently been watching Xiaolin Showdown again, and what I noticed when I was younger has an even stronger hold on me now; which is canon Chase really likes Omi. Like every time I watch these episodes, it's like wow, Chase likes Omi more than I thought. (Yes I am talking about platonic like, not romantic.)

And then I see how Chase and Jack in canon interact, and it gives me mental whiplash compared to how they are in the Chack stories I used to read. Because in canon Chase really doesn't like Jack.

(A few mentions may come up, but I'm not really going to compare the relationships between Omi & Chase/Jack & Chase, because to me its like comparing apples and oranges.)

I would go so far as to say, that any realized Chack fics are inherently OOC, because Chase outright tried to kill Jack once and made it clear a few different times that he wouldn't care if Jack died. And that doesn't translate to Chase secretly loving Jack.

That being said, I do see the appeal. Jack is a very likable character. And he can be very relatable. When I was younger, he was my favorite because I related to him. And I wanted him to win and have the stuff he wanted.

And that's where Chack came in. Because I think anyone who watches Xioalin Showdown can agree that if Chase acted towards Jack the way that he acts towards Omi, Jack would have snapped that apprenticeship up like an alligator snapping turtle snaps up a fish. And if Chase had been as persistent with Jack as he was with Omi, I think that the series would have ended with Jack firmly at Chase's side as his apprentice/second in command.

Obviously that didn't happen which I'm glad for because I adore the dynamic between Chase and Omi.

But that primarily leaves fanfiction for genuinely happy Jack, seeing as in canon his triumphant/happy moments were usually temporary.

Because Chack fanfiction fulfils his need to be wanted, to matter, to be accepted. And to get all all that from his personal hero/favorite person no less?

So I think that's where the main appeal comes from, because I think Jack was always meant to be an audience appealing character. And audiences often want said characters to be happy or triumphant especially if they aren't in canon.

That's why I used to like Chack. Now, it's not my favorite. Like I said, I don't dislike it. I'm not anti-chack. But it's just not my thing anymore, because while many of the stories are enjoyable, it's to the point where it's just a little too OOC for me.

I would say, in canon, Chase has honest affection for Omi and genuine appreciation for his talents.

Whereas with Jack, Chase views him as an occasionally useful, annoying insect that he'd be fine with getting squashed. Or eaten.

Now with all that being said, I have something to say to chack authors.

For those of you who put in the effort to keep the characters as in character as possible, I am in awe of your skill.

For those who are simply enjoying writing their favorite characters, I adore your creativity.

And I think that most of y'all should be published authors and raking in that dough.

Thanks for reading my ramblings, have a great day!

[lazzledazzler]

Lazzle's Rune Factory 5 Review

Alright so here are my thoughts and experiences with RF5! This is a big boy so buckle in earthmates...

Obviously this review will contain spoilers, read at your own risk.

Initial thoughts upon playing...

Great opening! I enjoyed the jazz music~ I did feel like it leaned a bit more towards the male player though. It definitely feels like a rune factory game. It's familiar, and controls are easy to get accustomed to for the most part. The mold is there and rf5 doesn't stray too far from its predecessors which is comforting for veterans. That being said, I'm not going to pull any punches and will critique this game harshly. Keep in mind as updates for the game are released not all things discussed in this review will be as relevant overtime!

Let's hear some thoughts on...

The story/plot. The plot is enjoyable overall. I'm not crazy about the whole Seed organization thing but it was a neat idea. They address the Sechs Territory and it is confirmed that the game takes place some decades after RF4. But by the end of it, I didn't feel like I really accomplished anything because it felt like I barely did anything really. Also they left a lot of stuff unanswered. I'm not even sure I understood the message they were sending, if they were trying to send a message at all. The main story is too short, and it doesn't involve enough of the townsfolk. You're basically doing everything yourself in secret the whole time and the townsfolk barely know what's actually going on. Out of the love interests, Lucas plays the largest part in the story, followed by Priscilla and Scarlett. The story feels targeted at male audiences--at least that's how I felt. You, the player, have a larger role in the game, much like in RF3 and I was glad to see this. As of right now there are only two arcs. Praying for DLC 3rd arc...!

Protagonists. The latest protagonists to join the crew of Earthmates are...decent. Their designs are nothing special unfortunately, though I appreciate Alice's more than Ares's. Appearance-wise they lack personality and creativity. Personality wise I am pleasantly surprised with how sociable they are. They're not exactly quick witted and sassy like Lest/Frey were in rf4, or as endearing as Micah in rf3, but they have a certain realness to them that makes their reactions to things believable. I'm certain Xseed will see to making them a bit more sarcastic in their localizing efforts, so let's all look forward to that. Overall though, while I appreciate their mannerisms, they don't really measure up to all the previous amnesiacs we've grown to love over the decades.

Characters. Overall I enjoy all the characters introduced in Rune Factory 5! I feel like there is someone for everyone in this game on some level. The voice acting was pretty good for every character. The designs are very much Rune factory. Like OG runefa, compared to rf4 ( 4 kind of strayed from their usual style) which I like. Characters still have their own signature quirks that you find endearing. Although I would have liked to see more variety? Like we've had mermaids, univir, half monsters, vampires, etc in previous titles but rf5 only gives us the usual (half) elf, dwarf, and then a succubus (physically she doesn't have unique features aside from the ears and heart eyes), and some were-people. I was hoping for something more unique to really give that classic runefa vibe.

Dungeons/Battles. I'm pretty split on this one. On the one hand, the dungeons have more depth due to the 3D aspects. They've included more contraptions that are very fun to see even if they aren't executed that well. So I'm grateful for that. On the other hand, the dungeons are insanely short imo. It doesn't take long at all to get to the boss. The puzzles are also pretty subpar and few compared to RF4. Fighting monsters is similar to the other games. You can lock on now but I only use it when I'm trying to use my Seed Circle. The lock on feature is actually counter-intuitive and makes it harder to dodge. Weapon mechanics have shifted a bit. There’s a feature that makes you invincible to damage if you time the R button dash correctly. Axes and Hammers are significantly slower than in older games? Like. I thought I was in slow motion it was so slow. Lances are also harder to use as well? I'm questioning my sanity here. I don't know if it's a bug or intentional either.

Farming. Not much has changed from previous games mechanics wise. They added new types of special crops which is neat. The camera view changes to overhead when you go near your fields though, and it can make you dizzy/uncomfortable. It actually makes it a bit difficult to see at times so I wish there was a way to adjust the angle. If you are tilling corn or dried weeds to improve the soil, you need to place them separately if you don't want to use the entire stack. Otherwise, it will till the entire stack on the land if you place them all down at once. The flower shop is unlocked late in the story. Weird thing to do considering you need flowers to make medicine. Not to mention the fact that you wont have access to the fertilizer that increases defense against typhoons? During typhoon season? Thinking emoji...

The town. I have to say Rigbarth's design is poor compared to Sharance, Selphia, etc. It's too big and it takes too long to get around. Everything is too spaced out and there aren't enough warp points to make it easier on players. I don't want to walk an entire mile up a hill to talk to one person and then walk all the way down to the beach to speak to another. It doesn’t really feel like a ‘town’.

OST/BGM. Music was good, though nothing really stood out to me where I'd go "damn this slaps" or something. I think they might've had some old soundtracks from rf2 or something because it felt really nostalgic at times.

We need an exterminator. (Bugs Bugs Bugs)

Marvelous, I don't know how to tell you this buuut...your customers are NOT your testers. When you release a game, you need to make sure it's not littered with glitches because customers don't enjoy dealing with them and will drop the game!

Here are some of the types of glitches I encountered:

Crashing. Game would randomly crash or freeze and close at any moment. Sooooo frustrating! Sometimes you get lucky with the autosave feature, but the autosave only activates every morning at 6am in your room and then when you warp to a dungeon level/floor. So when you're in the middle of your daily tasks in town and it crashes, you have to start all over. Marveloussss no one enjoys losing their progress in a game I promise you that much.

Lag. The dialogue bar is seriously slow, especially after loading your file. Crafting/Cooking screen lags. When you press the Y button to skip through dialogue it lags like hell. Pretty much after every time you load the game will lag, the audio will lag if you're in a battle, everything is just. so. slow.

Repeating dialogue. So if you close your game entirely (or if it crashes) naturally you'll reload your file to continue where you left off. There's a bug that will cause all NPCs to repeat the last dialogue that occurred from whatever plot related thing you did last. So for example, if the last thing you did in the story was unlock Ludmilla, everyone in town will naturally have some dialogue about her. But even after seeing all this dialogue and even saving, if the game is closed and reloaded you'll have to read all that dialogue again from townsfolk. It got really annoying after a while.

Monster taming. One time I tamed a monster but once I named it and hit 'ok' the monster never showed up in my barns? Just. gone. Okaaaay then...? Additionally, I expanded one of my monster barns but all of the monsters I tamed wouldn't appear in the added room. You get 4 monsters for each room but the monsters I tamed would show up in the original room. Meaning I had like 7 monsters in one room! I tried to bring them into the newly added room but they would just warp back to the other room. Sad.

Pond Glitch. I fished in the pond located in Sasayaki Forest and left the fish I caught but didn't want laying around the water's edge. If you leave fish around the pond's edge and go to sleep, the next morning you will be teleported to the pond and trigger the fairy dialogue as if you had thrown all of the fish into the pond??? So the dialogue of her telling you she wants 'X item, not this!' will trigger over and over for all of the fish you left at the water's edge. RIP.

Party member Bug. I had Martin in my party and I made him leave. Then when I went into my monster barns to get a monster pal to join me instead it showed me Martin's portrait???? Also I've encountered a bug where I can no longer ask anyone to join my party for some unknown reason. The R &L button prompt was just gone when I reloaded.

Errors. When cooking or crafting, the dialogue box shows up sometimes...

Typos. Random average typo here and there. Not a real biggie but there is one instance where the heroine will use the japanese male pronoun "boku" instead of "watashi" which really convinced me that this game was completely intended for men lol.

Let's talk about Pros

The good stuff. The stuff that makes you all warm and fuzzy inside.

Plot Advancing. Now I'm gonna put this as a pro because I'm certain the average player will enjoy this even though I do not. There are now markers on the map to show you where to go to advance the plot. This is all well and dandy, but it also made the story less appealing for me because you don't need to go around town and speak to residents for clues or assistance to advance anything in the story.

3D Graphics The 3D models are all amazing. The interior designs of the houses/buildings are also incredibly detailed and realistic.

Collecting items. Now there's a feature that will allow you to collect items into your inventory just by walking over them. This is pretty neat and welcome for the most part. Once the item is sparkling, you can walk over it and it'll go into your rucksack automatically. This also makes lumbering and mining go much faster. Yay!

The miraculous L pocket. Now you can customize the categories that appear in your L pocket by going to the rucksack tab in the menu. This is a super neat feature that makes things easier on players who want to manage their items in a format that suits them.

Weapon/Tool Toggling. You can now toggle between your equipped weapon and tool by pressing the left or right buttons on the trackpad.

Collecting lumber/material stone. Oh lord this is probably the most welcome improvement moving forward from the previous game. You can now put all of the lumber and material stone from your inventory into its storage at once. This also applies to fodder for tamed monsters. Well done Hakama.

Autosave. This feature is a welcome addition to the series. The game will save your data every morning and every time you enter a dungeon. Autosave has really saved my ass a few times when I made a huge error in judgement so I'm incredibly grateful for this feature. And it doesn't save over your actual save file--there's a separate autosave file at the very top. So if you messed up something but already saved on your main file, you can still salvage your mistake by reloading the autosave! I just wish it activated a bit more often sometimes.

Warping. Now we can warp to each level in a dungeon as well as certain places on the map in town. It's pretty convenient for the most part.

Increased party members. Now you can have up to 3 members in your party! Hooray! Party members act more intelligently than in older games. Scarlett can use the Seed circle to assist you in fights. I think she also tosses healing potions at you occasionally. So far, no one has tossed a dish at me if I haven't eaten like Kiel and Clorica did in rf4. But I have been hit by a failed dish (from reinhardt?) and a healing potion (from scarlett). Scarlett, Priscilla, and Reinhardt are the most helpful when dungeon crawling in my experience. Some of them however, (looking at you Doug) don't shut the hell up with their one line of dialogue they have and repeat it constantly.

Seed Circle. This neat feature allows you to capture monsters. By charging it and releasing you can capture monsters for the bounty system or add them to your party temporarily. If you throw it without charging it, you can stun monsters in place momentarily or grab things from far away. When stunning monsters, it can also give you the monster's drop item occasionally. Unfortunately it uses a lot of RP so it can be difficult at times.

Combo attacks. This is a neat feature that I appreciate and use often for boss fights. They do some serious damage so it's good to save them for the bosses. The actual cutscenes aren't that impressive, and feel kind of subpar when you get down to it but I think it's a start in the right direction.

Farm Dragons. I'm listing this as a pro although I really just see it as a new feature. Farm dragons have fields on their backs that you can place monster barns on and farm on. Giving them certain crystals will give your fields boosts in certain criteria, like length of growth, soil quality, you get it. I personally don't use the crystals because I couldn't give a shit lmao I have men and women to woo here. But if you're into this kinda thing then it's a pro.

Storage. When opening your storage box, fridge, etc. you can actually hit the R & L buttons to switch between ALL of your other storages. Looooove thissss. Great addition. So much faster to put items away in their respective places.

Crafting/Forging. Now we can also use the R & L buttons to alternate between the different weapon types/accessory/gear types instead of having to exit the menu and going back in each time you want to make something different.

Cooking. More recipes have been added. Yay!

Days are longer now. More time to get shit doneeeee ayyyy

Fishing. They've added many more fish to the game! Now the player will shout something when you get a bite, making it easier for you to hit B at the right moment. Nice. Also if you fail or press B too early, the fish doesn't vanish most of the time. Also nice. There is now a feature to fish with another person's assistance. Once a day you can investigate the sign near the fishing station and someone might offer to lend you a hand. Press the B button at the right moments on the slider and you can get a rare fish that can't be caught normally.

Monsters. New types of monsters! Love the designs. Even the monsters that are the same but just have different skins are really neat. They look great in the 3D format too. You can even ride with up to two people on certain monsters! Some bosses had awesome designs while others...were bad.

New Types of Furniture. The carpenter store has a wide arrange of furniture you can buy for your home. It also has wallpapers and stuff which is really neat. Though unfortunately you can't even sit on some of the furniture so that's a shame.

Events. Now there is a system where events are triggered by approaching an icon on the map. This is probably an improvement to RF4's randomized system, though personally I found it annoying because it meant that I had to see the events before I could just enter a building normally. Sometimes I just wanted to get shit done and not have to read through walls of text for someone's love event when I just want to buy something.

Voiced Lines. The protagonist seems to have more voiced lines, as do other characters. Good!

Let's talk about Cons

Not including glitches. Oh boy. So many cons. Where do I start?

Dialogue. Probably the most notable con in the entire game. The dialogue is drastically minimal in comparison to previous games, especially rf4. There is probably a quarter of the amount of dialogue compared to rf4's insane amount of content if not less. Townsfolk repeat themselves. Often. Too often. Am I playing Harvest Moon? Originally I thought it was because the dialogue is randomized, but I think it's actually because more dialogue is unlocked as you raise townspeople's FP. Despite this, there's no linear build up where you start off as acquaintances and eventually become very close like in rf4 because of how sporadic the LP/FP is. Townsfolk don't even talk to each other. One of the greatest perks about runefa is the conversations townsfolk can have with one another. Residents randomly gathering in small groups to talk about anything. Previously you could add someone to your party and sometimes a dialogue will occur if you speak to the right person at the right time with that person in your party. This is nonexistent now. The only time they do this in rf5 is during the festivals. But, it will only trigger if you have unlocked all the characters in each marriageable lineup and they can't be in your party. The residents will talk about one another but that's pretty much it outside of town events. They got rid of all the minor dialogue that occurs too. Trying to sleep in someone's bed while they're right there? They wont comment. Inspecting objects in stores while the shopkeeper is present? Wont say anything. Take a character with you to a dungeon/boss fight? Their lips are sealed. Where's my sense of community? :(

FP/LP This ties into the dialogue issue. The rate at which LP/FP increases is sporadic as hell. You can go from 1FP/LP to 4FP/LP just by giving a gift sometimes. I wouldn't even speak to people and their affinity increased by like triple for no reason. Then it increases by like 2% for the longest time. Argh!!!

Graphics. I don't consider myself very picky when it comes to graphics. I don't really mind that the foliage and scenery are at the level of a ps2 game at best. I tried playing on my television initially, but the lag and camera operability was too much so I fully switched (haha puns) to handheld. One thing that sucked is that I literally cannot tell the difference between medicinal herbs, antidote grasses, and green grasses without the captions because the graphics are so indistinguishable. So when you're trying to pick up multiples of those items by holding the A button, you're just randomly walking over anything green in the hopes that you'll get the right ones...

Lack of Sound Effects. Something I noticed is they got rid of the sound effects that will play when you complete a puzzle or add someone to your party. When you try to brush a monster there's no sound for the '♪' they make when you successfully brush them. So it was hard for me to tell if I had actually brushed them or not. I was a bit saddened by the lack of cute sounds.

Too much free range. From the very beginning of the game, you're allowed to go pretty much wherever you want when leaving town. It was too easy to stumble into high enemy level territory without knowing, so when I was like level 5 so I got KO'd immediately.

Artwork. The portraits seem to be lower in quality somehow. Runefa has always had shitty portrait art imo but this time it's even worse. Many character's eyes looked fucked up. Though the 3D models are insanely good for mostly every character except Terry. Terry's 3D model looks Terryfying and I prefer his portrait.

Festivals. They've added some new festivals. Some I enjoy. Some not so much. They changed the format of the eating contest. It's horrible. Good luck with that one.

L pocket + R button? They got rid of the feature that lets you skip to the other end of your items when opening the L pocket by pressing R button. I really liked that feature because it made it faster to reach my items so I was bummed that they got rid of it.

Gotta go fast. Now when you speak to someone, it doesn't 'stop time' as you might say it did in previous games. So people are still moving about as you speak to someone, making it harder to catch up to people! Annoying!!!

Catch and release? Not in my farming simulator! Say goodbye to being able to toss a fish you caught back into the water. In fact, say goodbye to tossing anything you don't want anymore into the water. Now you just have an army of fish flopping on the ground around you. And with the auto pick up feature, they're probably going to end up in your inventory anyways once you try to move. There are still certain ponds with fairies that you can toss stuff into, but you'll have to deal with the fairy harping at you for giving her something she doesn't want.

Shop Hours. Oh god. The shop owners don't even open their stores at the correct hours? It says open at 9am. If you speak to them they won't open their store until like 9:07??? But Priscilla and Lucy will show up to work their part-time jobs at around 8:30am and you can buy stuff through them before 9am. So the actual shop owners (for the bread shop and general store) are pointless usually. Additionally, if the store is empty (but open) you can no longer add a shopkeeper into your party and then enter their store with them to buy things from them. Why. Just why. When you want to buy something that only a specific person sells (Only Hina sells fish, only Heinz sells misc items) you have to wait for them to finally decide to work in their own store. Wonderful.

Monster Item drops. Maybe I'm crazy but the monster drops are seriously a lot harder to get than in previous games. Especially boss drops. It's almost impossible to get the rare drops now. I don't even want to try anymore. And as far as I know, the only place to buy monster items is through Heinz, but his items are actually misc. items, not specifically monster drops. So you'll be lucky to check his store (whenever tf he decides to actually work) for any monster items you might want instead of farming for the drops. Sighs.

Difficulty. This game is too easy. There is little to no challenge whatsoever. I had to increase the difficulty setting to hard mode and it was still too easy. I beat it at level 139, never once did I need to grind or level. In fact, your character levels up way too quickly for the pace of the story. I had zero trouble with any of the bosses and even the final boss was a breeze. Quite sad. Though because I am not new to the franchise, it's likely that newcomers would have some trouble in the later parts of the story.

Fishing cons. Idk how you fck up fishing but they sure did. You have to stand further back now because the pole is so long that you'll miss the fish you're aiming for. In fact, it's seriously hard to aim period. You'll end up recasting more often than not. Fish come in the various sizes but they don't seem to have the darker or faded characteristics that can indicate whether it's a rare fish or not. The graphics make it hard to tell. The pros that i've already mentioned are welcomed but it doesn't negate the fact that I do not enjoy fishing like I did in previous games.

Mining/Lumbering Cons. You can no longer strike three times consecutively when mining/lumbering. This sucks lol. Even when you upgrade your axe or hammer, powering up the tool does nothing for getting wood and material stone--it only expands the area of your strike. So it takes longer to get wood/stone from stumps and rocks now since you have to strike the full 9 times but it's not too bad. It's also harder to aim now as well so that's also unfortunate.

Seasonal Fields? Kiss them goodbye! That's right, there are no seasonal fields in rf5 because devs are insane! You instead have the farm dragons that seem to look seasonal based on the fact that they are designed after elements like earth, water, and fire. But no, these dragons are simply extra fields for you to use. Here's a spoiler: you're not going to use those fields. You're just not. They're kinda useless unless you're obsessed with farming. Now you have to grow your crops out of season like the sad farmer that you are.

Farming cons. Seeds no longer tell you how long it takes to grow the crop. Why. As of June 29th, they fixed this with an update. But I still had to play the whole game without it so fuck you marvelous. The joystick is really sensitive? So when you're trying to use a fertilizer or something on your field you're likely to place it on the wrong 4x4 tile, wasting your fertilizer. So it’s best to hold down the R button when farming. Also the crops look uglie as hell.

Sleeping and warping cutscenes. Just like in rf4 there's a cutscene when you go to sleep that can be skipped easily by pressing A. In rf5, there's a cutscene to sleep and a cutscene when waking up. It takes a bit more than a second to skip these scenes so it gets annoying after a while. Warping is this new feature that replaces our beloved escape spell. Overall I appreciate the feature but I hate it for two reasons. One: there's an annoying ass cutscene for it each time you use it that could be much shorter. And Two: townsfolk now use warp even when inside the town. In previous games, someone exiting your party in town would just manually run to wherever they need to be. So you could easily chase after them if you need to talk to them or give them something. Now, party members use warp regardless of where you are at the time. So say you have someone at 7 hearts and you want to try confessing to them. You would have them join your party, save your game, and then have them leave your party and immediately speak to them and confess before they can run off. If it doesn't work you reload until it does. In RF5 this wouldn't work anymore because they will warp. Now you would have to save, run around town trying to find this person and hope they accept the confession. Otherwise you'll have to play hide and seek again because reloading your file will randomize the resident's locations (if they are not working in a shop)!!!! I often just waited until a festival day because then they will be at the plaza for most of the day and it has a warp point there.

Crafting/Forging/Cooking. They've removed the feature where you can press Y on the ingredients in the menu to add more of that particular item. I miss this feature :'(

Lacks incentive. There is no trophy room from my knowledge. The final dungeon that is meant to be like the sharance maze/rune prana isn't that hard to beat for skilled players and is only 20 floors. After you beat the main story and this dungeon there's not much else to do really.

Request Board. Unlike in rf4, you need to make sure you have accepted requests before you complete them or else it will not count. Previously, you could complete all sorts of tasks and Eliza would still recognize your work even if you accept their request after the fact. ie, shipping goods, harvesting crops, etc. So make sure you don't harvest your special crops before accepting the request it's for!

Return of the "Loli" Dragons... Yeah you read that right. We got more dragons in children's(???) bodies with skimpy clothes. I don't know anymore????¿¿¿

Can't marry the Milfs or Dilfs. Tragic.

Still no homo. Grow up Marvelous.

Reverse Proposal? Reverse Uno card-- Laid low by the patriarchy. You now have to buy the double bed and craft an engagement ring to propose to your man if you're playing as Alice. Marvelous this isn't what we meant when we said we wanted equal rightsssssss This can be seen as a pro if you're a softhearted babey who doesn't like rejecting bachelors' proposals because you feel bad :'( But this is a con for me because I don't want to spend money and materials on a double bed dammit!!!

Misc. Still can't stack dishes or fish. There's no green elemental fairy???All the other elemental ones are there except the green one? why??? Still can't tame the giant Wooly. Some bosses that have insanely awesome designs cannot be tamed and makes me wanna eat glass.

Let's talk about Love~

Relationships. We want them. And half of us only play these games for them. I've only played as the female heroine so far but I'll be updating this review as soon as I finish with the bachelorettes as the male hero.

Confessions

As usual, we must raise the love points of our beloved to 7 hearts before we can attempt to date them. However unlike in rf4, if you fail at a confession once, you will need to raise the LP up an entire level before you can try again with any chance of success. It's imperative you save before attempting a confession now.

Love Events

Each love interest has two love events that must be seen before you can date them. They're reminiscent of older game's style but I felt they could have been a biiiit more interactive or so? Or involved the town a bit more for some of them.

Dating

Once you get your honey to be your bf/gf, you get to choose the nicknames as usual. Then you can go on dates. The first three (non-festival) dates are actually events. You need to see all three events to get married.

Marriage Event

The final event you need to clear before you can marry your sweetie. In my honest opinion, so far for the boys, these events were rather disappointing. They lacked the drama and angst that sort of 'test' the love between the two when compared to rf4. Also this is a huge con for me personally and a minor spoiler but there are no special cutscenes at the end of the marriage event like in rf4. Instead, the cutscene takes place during your actual wedding. I was saddened by this because it took away the depth from the marriage events and the actual character? As it is just a cut and paste type of thing instead of an original cutscene for each person. They lack individualism this way. Also it kinda felt like a way for devs to avoid gay relationships and cut corners :^/....sus.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...

Children!!!!!! This is actually one of the coolest additions in the game. Just like in rf3, you can have up to 3 children again! Your first child will resemble you, and you will have the option to choose its gender as well as its personality. There are 6 different children, (3 boys and 3 girls), all with different hairstyles, mannerisms, and seiyuus. Your answers will determine which child you get. A year after your first child is born, you will get the option to have a second child. You'll end up with twins, both resembling your partner. You won't get to choose the genders (it will be a boy and girl) but you will get to choose the personalities once more. The children all have canon names too and each kid is incredibly cute. And of course, you're still able to take your kid with you in your party~ ...Though you can only take one kid with you at a time.

So is RF5 good?

Yeah it's a fun game! My theory is that Marvelous forced the devs to release the game earlier than they were ready for, and that's why it's so lacking. But that doesn't mean it's not worth playing! I'd rate it 3.5/5 stars hehe. Not nearly as good as RF4 (full stop 5/5), or RF3 (4/5) but enjoyable nonetheless. I wouldn't recommend it as a first game to play from the series for newcomers though, I feel it's best for vets who can overlook all the cons thanks to loyalty and nostalgia. By the time it’s released in the West, the bugs should all be dealt with too.

So! Definitely buy this game! We want the series to continue and we want RF6 to be better than this--and hopefully Marvelous will make sure of that next time. If you're not a picky person I think you'll enjoy rf5 a lot. If you're like me and have high standards then, well, still pick it up and let it run its course. Then dust off rf4sp and cleanse your gaming palette >;^)

[plut00nline]

Fuck it im doing it

My 2020 top 20 movie list

(Disclaimer that most of these weren't made in 2020 but I just watched them this year. These aren't also really in a very particular order but they are lowkey ranked) (i also had to be choosey with the images i out cause of the limit, but yeah dont mind that)

20. The perfection

The plot twist in this movie is *chefs kiss* there was no way for me to predict the ending, bug as far as thrillers goes, it is brilliant. And also, lesbians. It can be a pretty triggering movie for ab*se and general gore, but really I love the pacing and the thrill of it.

19. The shining

Ah yes, a classic horror, and though I may feel iffy about Stanley Kubrick, this movie was pretty good. But I am saying this as a person that didn't read the book. The blood rushing down the hallway was really my favourite visual on the movie. It was a movie that made me felt genuinely scared while watching it, like hiding behind my blanket but also sweating scared, the suspense was pretty thrilling though

18. Doctor Sleep

Man do I love Danny Torrance, and Abra, fuck I love them both. Again, I never read the book, but my ignorance keeps me in bliss. The visuals of this movie are also great, and the emotions this movie puts through? I'm just glad headcanons exist, but really I did enjoy this movie even if it wasn't what I was expecting.

17. Birds of prey

Harley deserved a movie, and the fact that it was directed by a woman makes me love it so much more because we just got to see harley doing the things that she fucking wanted. This movie is wlw solidarity, from Margot robbie to Mary Elizabeth Winstead, women with crossbows? Sign me the fuck up. And from all the DC films I've seen, it's so much brighter, in the visual sense, there's colour! There's character! And not everyone is just brooding in darkness, its the type of movie that would make me actually watch and enjoy DC films.

16. Charlie's angels

Firstly, lesbians. Thank you. But really, its a good action comedy and really I'll jump at the chance to see women kick ass.

15. My octopus teacher

I've never cried over an octopus before, so that was an experience. And even though this is technically not a movie, I still wanted to put it on here cause it was really just a great documentary, especially since it happened in my home country and im very oddly proud of that fact.

14. Knives out

Murder mystery and chris evans go so well together. I have made a longer post, but to sum it up, like most of the movies on this list. The colours and the pacing and just the atmosphere of the movie was spectacular, and even though I couldve guessed the ending, I was still on the edge of my seat for most of it

13. Ready or not

I love this new wave of eat the rich media. Samara weaving is a great actor and I am in love with her and this whole movie. It really was something that I hadn't actually seen before and the fact that the whole curse thing at the end was true was really just wow. Along with eat the rich, I love the feral female energy lately, and the whole white clothing slowly but surely being covered in blood.

12. Geralds game

The line "youre only made of moonlight" lives in my head rent free. This movie, was really an experience and for a movie with only two people in it for the majority, it is really well done. I'll always feel iffy about a man writing a woman's experience (specifically) but I do love the way this movie went, yeah I hated the "Hand" scene, but I still enjoyed the after math of it.

11. The old gaurd

Again, more lesbians, what more could I ask for? The concept for this movie is brilliant, immortal mercenaries is the only trope I want from now on, and found family.

10. Parasite

Again with the eat the rich. This movie was mindblowing, and just, the imagery!! And im glad they didn't dub it in English cause fuck that, I enjoyed it perfectly with subtitles.

9. song of the sea

This movie, this movie! Is so precious and I had that song stuck in my head for days.the name Saoirse is also so oddly pleasing to hear. This story is so beautiful, the music is amazing and it makes me want to be a fae.

8. Scott pilgrim vs the world

This movie really did pass what my expectations for what I thought it was gonna be, the music was amazing, the transitions and editing style was *chefs kiss* and even though I felt like I was in a fever dream the whole time, it'd be a fever dream I'd gladly rewatch.

7. The imitation game

Thank you Alan Turing. This movie recked me, like emotionally, I was a mess when I was done with it, but damn was it good, like I really just felt something while watching it, I mean most.of the movies on this list did, but this one just really hit me in some way.

6. Klaus

At least there are still good Christmas movies being made. Actually, I was a mess for this one too, the second that child got that sleigh thing it was over for my emotions. The whole sirge of turning Santa into this big macho dude really is working out and that's how Santa should always be depicted. I could gush about the animation style of this movie all fucking day, I love it so much (and the shadows!!! Ahh the shadows!) It really is just incredible.

5. I'm thinking of ending things

Hey man, I knew this was gonna fuck me up just by looking at the trailer, but there was absolitley no way to prepare for whatever was about to happen. Even after watching it, I have no idea what happened. But I still found it great, I love movies that give me an existential crisis.

4. Spirited away

All I wanted to do, was eat everything in that movie, even if it would turn me into a pig, holy hells this movie is good. There was just this satisfying appeal to it that I can't quite put into words. Its beautiful like everything studio ghibli movie ever.

3. The Willoughbys

I never knew I needed a found family movie with a bunch of kids that were already family. I've made a longer post about this movie, and I dont think I could really say more, this movie is so fucking touching and I love the direction it went in plot wise.

2. Howl's moving castle

Again, I may not have understood wtf was going on, but I'll be damned if I didn't love every second of it. There is no doubt that this movie is stunning, and I really am a suckered for early 2000's 2d animation, because!!! Look at it!!! Studio Ghibli films always just floor me with how good they look. I really wanna read the book, because I would absolutley love to see a feral Sophie giving howl shit for crying over hair.

1. Us

This movie will always be my no. 1 it is amazing and I love everything jordan peele has done with his movies. Especially for it to have a full black cast, and those black people have darker skin than what is normally shown in media. The feral but also calculated nature of each character is beautiful and nothing can ever make me hate this movie

I hope you enjoyed this incoherent "review" of my favourite movies I watched in 2020, its been a shit show and movies really have been a place of comfort for me. But stay safe and happy new year!

[sanstropfremir]

please let me join the dance conversation since it's the form of art i am actually the most interested in. i've been dancing as a kid for 6 years, and i don't mean to say that that gave me any type of authority in the domain, but it did leave me with the slight ability to recognize a good performance (or whatever makes a good performance to me, personally) and a great appreciation for valueing dancing as acting, like you said. too often i've seen dance ranking videos from actual life-long dancers who value technical skill above anything else. even if they take into consideration the facial expressions, it doesn't hold much weight and that always lowkey pissed me off. because when i am watching a performance, i care way more about the emotional delivery rather than the technical one. of course, this is not to disregard skill, because emotion without skill just ends up messy. good enough to appreciate as a form of authentic self-expression, but still messy, and mess won't make you a good dancer.

i've really enjoyed seeing you say dancing and acting have a mutual component since i've always felt that way too but never knew how to put it in words. two groups that come in mind when thinking about this are blackpink and itzy, i have no idea how familiar you are with them so i'm sorry if the following come across as foreign to you. but i gotta say, regarding bp, i think there's always been discourse over lisa vs rose as the best dancer. technically, everybody knows lisa is miles ahead, and i have to say she has decent stage presence and some pretty nice facial expressions too (taking into consideration how limited bp's concepts have been so far). rose, on the other hand, has a certain style that appeals to a specific audience (which i am not a part of, her lack of body control is so irritating sometimes) but i can see why some would find her charming. i would say her stage presence is decent too, but i can't help but choose lisa over her, and not just because i'm biased. but because in order to be a true dancer, you need the right balance between technique and emotion that gives your performance that star-value and appeal. and let's be real, kpop is really lacking in that "true dancer" department.

another dancing discourse that goes on is in the itzy fandom, where fans are pitting yeji and chaeryeong against each other. their techniques are quite different but they are each very good in their respective style. now, i've seen people call yeji the better "idol dancer" since she has better developed facial expressions, and chaeryeong the better "overall dancer" since people value her technique more. and i'm just like, no. emotion makes or breaks a dancer. everyone can learn technique, but emotion is hard to fake, and when you do, the non-authenticity is very much obvious.

that's why i love san as a dancer. he might not be the most technically skilled, but he is skilled enough to hold his own. and his way of living in the performance, of just letting every feel of the song wash over him and show the audience 110% and more - nothing compares to that, no amount of technicality. stage presence is something you just have, and no matter how much you train for it, you will pale in comparison to a natural.

wow, this is really long so thank you if you take the time to read it all and respond. english is not my first language and sometimes i'm having trouble finding the right words to get my point across exactly how i think of it in my mind, so i hope the message is delivered accurately, haha :D also, i must add i love the way you talk, your speech has a flow and a uniqueness to it you don't find everyday. and we love a developed vocabulary<3 may i ask how old you are?

thank you for the compliment, thats very sweet of you! english is my native language and i have spent just as much time, if not longer doing academics as i have doing performance work so at this point ive developed a very specific style. there’s a joke that theatre design is 90% communication and only 10% design, and it’s not wrong. it helps that i like to talk and my brain works very fast sometimes.

im glad you took the time to write this out! and don't apologize for your english, it's excellent and very clear. you are correct i know very little about blackpink and itzy but i would likely agree with you, dance is equal parts emotion and technique and that is my preference in idols as well. but i don’t think that the kpop industry needs to have ‘true’ dancers, though. yes it is fun to watch those who are technically and charismatically gifted in dance, it is only a portion of the experience that they market. also i think we lose a bit of objectivity in kpop because all idols are required to dance, but i dont think ive seen one recently that's a legitimately bad dancer. even the ‘worst’ dancers that i can think of are still leagues better than the average person on the street, but we see them as ‘bad’ because they work directly alongside peers who are legitimately gifted and have a passion for dance as a form. 

it's interesting to hear you say that everyone can learn technique but emotion is hard to fake, because i hear a lot of dancers say that. i think this comes from a misunderstanding of what exactly acting is and how it works. i would argue that a statement closer to the sentiment that you (and many others) are trying to get is ‘not everyone can do both at the same time.’ the average person is no more predisposed to acting then they are to dance, because acting is a skill that can be taught and exercised in the same way dance can. sure, there are people that have a higher latent ability, but if you put in the work, you can learn. why do you think there are acting classes and schools and conservatories? you can get a doctorate in acting if you really want to. the thing about acting is that in order to be good at it, you have to both understand and be able to implement the correct postures for mimicking human emotion. this is an insanely complex task when you get down to the brass tacks of it. just think about your face and body posture for a moment. why are you sitting/standing in that particular way? why is your face in that particular expression? what do you think your posture is saying to someone who is observing you? how would you change it if you wanted the person to start a conversation with you? if you wanted them to leave you alone? 

there’s also a general assumption that acting comes from a place of genuine or authentic emotion, and this is the fault of modern ‘method’ film acting. i have a very long thesis about how much i hate method acting and i can make a separate post about that if people are curious. but suffice to say, acting very rarely comes from a ‘genuine’ place. it may be informed from a genuine place, but by nature it is not real. thats what makes it acting. and i think dancers seem to be under the impression that showing emotion while dancing has to come from the dancer personally feeling those emotions, when thats not the case at all. this criminal fancam is a perfect example of exactly how good taemin is at putting on a character for a performance. you can very clearly see him drop character after the main camera cuts, and pretty much any concert footage shows this as well.

now, being able to do both a complex system of physical movements with your body and also control the minute details and timing in your facial muscles and posture? thats pretty fuckin hard. not a lot of people can do that, it takes just as much practice as learning technique does, just not in the way that people might think. but it is possible.

[luffysmeat]

More artist [Name]-san to clean our souls! 💕 I hope you enjoy this! I'm sorry for the long wait! And I'm also sorry because I'm gonna make headcanons instead of scenarios! I hope you don't mind too much! (This one got a bit longer than expected! Sorry for the spam!)

Kidd

It's hard to be an artist.

You always have the need to draw certain people or certain objects because they are appealing to your eyes.

One of those certain people is none other than your captain: Eustass Kidd.

Kidd is fierce. You know that. Even as a lover he's rather the violent, possessive and dominant type.

People usually try to stay away from him, always scowling and looking as he's about to murder the neext person that looks at him.

But, even when you know that, to you... He's a masterpiece.

Your fingers always itch to make a painting or even just a quick drawing of him, from the very first moment you ever land an eye on him.

You can easily ask him, really, but knowing him, he'd say no and that would upset you quite a lot... So you don't risk it, even though...

"You're staring again." ... You always find yourself doing exactly that, staring at him and being exposed by Killer.

You can't really blame yourself. The mere existence of Kidd is enough to have you wanting make a painting of him, so now that he's working out right in front of you... It's really hard not to stare.

His muscles tensing and stretching with each of his movements as he beares his teeth a bit, growling softly, reaching his limit already. He's covered in a thin layer of sweat and, really, who the heck allowed him to work out shirtless?

"For God's sake, you are staring again."

You can't help but laugh, your cheeks burning bright red. "I'm sorry. I really, really want to draw him."

"Don't you have thousands of drawings?"

"I do, but they're just quick sketches, I want to make a painting... Do you think he'd be happy to know that?"

Killer hums, looking at his captain who's suddenly screaming to a poor guy that stepped too close to him while he was doing push-ups.

"No," he simply says and you bark out a laugh, flushing when Kidd looks up at you with narrowed eyes.

Maybe he's right...

However, later that day, when everyone settled down to their respective quarters and you sneaked into the captain's chambers claiming that you were cold, (not after he growled and scolded you while be opened the door for you and threw like three covers to the bed), you thought that it was the time to actually ask him!

So, as you watched him sitting in front of his desk, ("warm yourself up! I gotta finish this first!"), checking on some reports... You know that you really love your lover...

From his protective and fierce side to his always-angry-face, however, you loved him in this state even more: his features relaxed as he reads down on some documents, his hair down and his head free of those goggles of his. He's even wearing a simple long sleeved shirt that wraps around his muscles, his reading glasses sitting gracefully on the bridge of his nose.

He looks ethereal and you immediately reach down for your drawing materials, (which you keep in the last drawer of his bedside table), and place yourself in bed.

"Captain?"

"Hmm?" His hum sounds more like a growl and you laugh.

"Captain, can I make a painting of you?"

He looks up at you, his eyes squinting, "what?"

"I'm sure you heard me."

"I heard you," he snaps back. "But I'm asking why are you such an idiot." You laugh at his words.

"Don't be scared, captain. You'll look even better in my painting."

"Scared?! Who is scared? And even better, is that even possible?" You roll your eyes. "Do whatever you want. I don't care and stop talking, I'm busy right now."

"Is that a yes?"

"[Name]..."

"Thank you captain!" You giggle, quickly pulling out everything, from pencils to brushes and acrylics; placing everything on the bed as carefully as you can. "I know," you say, hearing him open his mouth to speak. "You'll snap my neck if I mess up with your precious bed."

He growls again, but he refrains from saying anything else, coming back to his report.

You don't say anything else, either, as you place the sketchbook into your lap and as soon as you find a clean sheet, you start to trace his form with a light pencil, sketching him easily, thanks to all the practice. Your eyes do not linger on his body, you know by memory each curve, dip and sharp bone on his body.

So it doesn't take long before you start with the actual painting, brushing on your canvas quickly and not noticing that Kidd was looking at you with the softest of looks he can even master.

He makes sure to quickly look down at his paperwork when you look up at him, frowning and pursing his lips a bit.

After a few minutes, he's too engrossed in his work and you are aswell, so when the clock marks 2 am and his back already feels stiff and his eyeslids heavy, he's ready to call it a day and wrap up his work to finally lay down in bed... But he sees you there...

"Oi, I want to sleep already, how much time is gonna-

"I'm done!" You say excitedly, there are actual tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You really did it! You really made a painting of Eustass Kidd! What a nice moment to be al-

"Let me see it."

"E-Eh?"

He raises an eyebrow. "Let me see it, you said I'd look better in your painting that in real life, so let me see how good I look."

Now maybe you have a big mouth, it's true that the painting was good... But Kidd couldn't get any more good-looking... Is not natural... You show him, regardless and he's speechless.

"It's..." He says, getting up from his chair and walking towards you, snatching the painting out of your hands. He studies it carefully, his eyes are wide and his mouth slightly open. "It's..." He looks at you and bites down his tongue, you are looking at him with such a gleam in your eyes! Stop! "It's... Not bad."

"Aah! Really? Do you like it? You can't keep it!"

"Like it? I've seen better! I'm sure you can improve! Unbelievable! You were bragging all around and..." He slowly shuts his mouth as he actually looks for a place to put the drawing. It end ups in a drawer on his desk... A drawer that he very much use it all the time.

That's more than you can ask from Kidd. "I'm glad you liked it, captain."

"... Move, let's sleep now. I'll kill you if you still the blankets."

Killer

He loves looking at you while you are drawing.

He has told you plenty of times that he loves how lovely you look and how adorable are certain things that you unconsciously do when you are too focused.

He has also asked you plenty of times if he can see your art and you answer is always the same:

"O-oh, it's not that great!"

With that little stuttering and all, but he knows you are is great because you do sometimes share a drawing of painting to him.

But you really don't want to show him the rest of your art because... He's in most of it!

He's there eating, training, fighting, even just breathing! You are just too embarrassed to actually show him that!

What if he thinks you are stalking him? ... Even though he's your lover is still very embarrassing.

The less he knows, the better... However, one night when you got quite a few drinks on you and he was taking you back to your room, you just couldn't keep your mouth shut.

"I love you," you say over and over again as he walked you to the room and placed you in bed.

"I love you too."

"And you are very hot." That caught him a bit off guard as he tried to pull your hair in a bun. "That's why I can't stop drawing you."

"... What?"

You giggle like a maniac. "That's the reason I don't let you look at my drawings! They're all you! Every single one."

He's blushing juuust a bit as he puts his mask off. "Every single one?"

"Mhmm," you nod. "Every single one... I actually want to make a painting of you!"

"... Do it."

"Really?" He nods and you smile widely. "Then I will... But right now I'm sleepy, so goodnight, I love you see you..."

You fell asleep in seconds, losing a small smile on Killer's lips and a kiss on your forehead.

But that's okay because you are way too embarrassed the next morning.

You actually just exposed yourself while drunk, huh? Great! Just great, now he will think that You-

And then you remember, he actually said you could make a painting of him!

You look at your side, Killer is still asleep, so you silently gather all your art stuff and get to work immediately.

You don't feel time passing until Killer started to wake up, groaning softly like he always does and making you giggle.

He looks at you right away, surprised to see you up, sitting on the bed. "Morning. Why are you awake? How are you feeling?"

You smile at him. "Good morning. I'm good, thank you for taking care of me. And I was... Just finishing your painting."

He wakes up fully right away and sits up, looking at you with slightly wide eyes. You giggle, placing a hand on his cheek. "You are so beautiful. Thank you for letting me do this."

He leans in your touch and nods as you lend him the still fresh painting. He widens his eyes slightly.

"This is..."

"You looked so paceful, I couldn't resist painting you like this. I... Wanted a painting of you without your mask, though, I'm sorry."

He looks at the painting for minutes before he finally puts it down and and holds you between his arms.

"Thank you. I love it. I'll keep it forever."

You smile widely, embracing him back. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Oh, let me clean this up, I'm gonna ruin the sheets aga- oh, nevermind."

He laughs and you feel in heaven.

Baby 5

"Are you drawing again, [Name]?"

You jump out of your skin, quickly closing the sketch book in front of you.

"B-Baby 5-san, you scared me."

Baby 5 squeaks and apologizes like crazy, nearly crying in the spot.

"A-ah! It's fine! It's fine! It's not your fault!" You chuckle, holding her hands between yours. "I am not angry," you say smiling at her.

She lets out a long sigh, holding your hands back. "W-what are you drawing so focused?" She asks shyly, widening her eyes when your cheeks turn bright red. "Oh?"

"It's- it's nothing bad! It's just... It's just..." You let go of her hands to cover your face. "I really want to draw Baby 5-san... But I'm not sure if-

"You- y-y-y-y-you want to draw me?" She grabs your shoulders, shaking you a bit.

"Y-Yeah, Baby 5-san is really beautiful and I want to make a painting... For you..."

Baby 5 looks at you for like one second before she actually starts crying, hugging you tightly. "B-Baby 5-san, don't cry please! Did I upset you?" You hug her back, but she grabs you by the shoulder again, shaking you until you feel dizzy.

"Y-You didn't upset me! I'm happy! Stop being so stupid! But you are not stupid! I'm sorry for saying that!" You hold her back, trying to stop her shaking you as you giggle.

"Then, is that a yes? Can I make a painting of you?"

"Yes, you can! Dammit!"

You really don't ask her to make any pose for you, you only need to see her around and about to catch all of figure.

She gets a bit nervous, though, because you are following her around and also get a bit worried because she sees you holding all of your stuff everywhere you go.

She cries a bit when you accidentally let one of your acrylics fall, messing up the floor.

"I've finished," you say that night when both of you are back into your quarters. "It's still a bit fresh, so please be careful with your fingers- Oh," you whisper, hiding the painting behind your back. "D-Do you want to look at it?"

"What? Yes, of course I want to!"

You smile shyly at her, and slowly show your painting.

She cries and you laugh a bit.

"Now now, you've been crying a lot today. Is it that bad, Baby 5-san?"

She hits your arm, making you laugh. "Don't be silly! I love it! It's... It's so pretty! No one has... Has ever made something like this for me. I- I-

You hug her tightly, kissing her cheek. "You are my beautiful girlfriend, of course I would make something just as beautiful as you. I love you."

She sobs and leans in to kiss you. You hum, holding her face between your hands as you kiss her back.

Lola

"Lo-Lola-san!" You giggle, trapped between her arms as she covers your face with kisses. "S-stop!" Your cheeks are bright red, Lola only squeezing you tighter in her embrace.

"What do you mean stop?" She asks, actually stopping to look at you. "You expect me to just sit there and say 'okay' when you ask me to make a painting of me?! Impossible!"

"I-If you are kissing me like this, I will not be able to actually do the painting!" She hums, kissing you one more time before she lets go of you.

"After you are finished with the painting, please marry me, [Name]," she says seriously, holding your hand between hers.

You giggle shyly. "I already said that I will marry you, now let me get my stuff ready, okay?"

Lola is usually very composed, but, as soon as you asked her if you could make a painting of her, she nearly cried, screaming and throwing hearts and flowers everywhere and even using that funny voice of hers when she feels too "enamored".

"How should I pose for you, [Name]?"

"I heard you saying that you have to take care of some paperwork, you can do that while I work on your painting!"

You laugh nearly all your painting session.

Everytime you look up at Lola, she's in a different pose, each pose more dramatic than the last.

She even asks you to stop laughing because "you're gonna ruin my painting, [Name]!"

"I will not ruin it if you stop doing such poses!"

She eventually stopped, not because she wanted to, but because she got a bit occupied with her paperwork.

Now that your laughter died on, you worked faster and in a couple of hours, you were sighing and stretching your arms up.

"Lola-san, I've finished!"

She literally jumps out of her seat and runs to you in a blink of an eye.

She gasps as she looks at the painting. She's not sitting just sitting formally in front of her desk, she is actually in one of her silly poses, showing her big smile and the warm eyes he looks at you with, her cheeks flushed slightly and it's just-

"[Name], it's beautiful!"

"That's because you are beautiful, Lola-san!" She looks at you with teary eyes. "You are the one in the painting, so of course it is beautiful, just like you!"

She lets out a cry and wraps you in another tight hug, even lifting you a bit.

"Thank you, [Name]! I love you so much!" She cries as she gives you another round of endless kisses.

"I love you too, Lola-san!" You answer giggling and hugging her just as tight.

[useless12sstuff]

Short stories #3

. 3 Above and Beyond

Trudging through the woods, I try to place the majority of my weight on my makeshift cane. Squinting my eyes, I try to keep sight of my path. The moon is of barely any help. If I had known it would be dark I would've snuck out a torch. Pulling my coat tighter around myself and wishing, not for the first time, that I should've worn something warmer above my hospital gown. I buried my nose in my scarf and yet, the crisp air still burned down my lungs. If my cigarettes don't kill me first, the cold certainly will. 'You shouldn't be here', the guilty part of my brain whispered. I squashed that thought down just like the leaves under my feet. Silly Linda, I scoff. She thought she could keep me in the ward by locking the door. Well look now, I jumped out the window. Well the pangs in my leg are almost making me regret. Almost. Oh whatever. To hell with Linda and her false pretenses. She can act sweet and coy all she likes but I know she wants me dead. Not more than I do but it is a mutual sentiment that is reciprocated. She's far too young anyway. A bit naive and very gullible. Very overconfident too but she is under the assumption that she's being 'smart' and 'sharp' and that an old, miserable midget like me won't be able to see right through her. An absolute fool. I despise it here.

I hobble my way to my usual spot, a clearing somewhere in the middle of the woods. The crescent moon stares down at me, as if judging. Sitting down on a tree stump while catching my breath, I pull out a pack of cigarettes that Linda missed and a lighter from my coat pocket. A cold draft rushed and rustled the trees and I held my coat tighter, shivering badly. With numb hands I light a cigarette and hold the lighter close, the tiny flame giving me a semblance of warmth. Sigh. I wouldn't want the fluid to run out. I pocketed it, closed my eyes and enjoyed my cigarette. Deep inhale and then exhale. Inhale and exhale. Finally, some peace and quiet….

…. Which did not last longer than twenty minutes. A sharp, whip like crack sobered me up and I opened my eyes to a terrifying sight. A creature with four faces, more than a hundred wings, taller than the trees, so huge that I can't distinguish the sky from its body. The moon is nowhere in sight. His whole body consists of uncountable eyes and tongues. What on God's green earth is this!? I can't move. Why am I not moving? Its hellish eyes stared me down. The cigarette I was holding had long fallen. I am a stone, glued to one place. I can't tear my eyes off this- this creature. All too soon, it descends and shifts into a shape more recognizable. A man. Dressed in a pure white robe, inky hair curled in every direction, skin the color of rich soil and piercing charcoal eyes, this man would stand out among any crowd. I must be hallucinating. Are cigarettes supposed to make you hallucinate?

"What kind of alien are you?" I asked in a quivering voice.

The man blinked. Then blinked again. Then stared at me long enough to make me wish I hadn't spoken.

"What kind do you think I am?" he smoothly replies, evading my question.

"A shape-shifting one."

He folds his hands neatly behind his back and doesn't reply.

"And who would you introduce yourself as?" he asks. I have a distinct feeling that he's humouring me. Like a cat who caught a canary.

"I, well, I-uhm-I fancy myself a student." I stuttered out. He doesn't need to know where I am from.

"A student of?"

"Life."

The alien smirked. An uncomfortable silence surrounds us, uncomfortable for me atleast. I feel weaker. Sweat beads at my eyebrows. This alien's presence has a weight that is taking a toll on me.

With nothing to do, I whip out another cigarette. I finished smoking it. Then I pull out a second, then a third, then a fourth.

"How long have you been smoking?" the alien asks suddenly.

"A few decades." I say, lighting another cigarette. A hush falls again.

"How do you speak our language?" I inquired, anything to keep the oppressive silence at bay.

"I've been here before."

"Oh?" I ask, hoping for an elaboration.

"Yes."

None came.

"What is it like?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"Your planet. What is it like?"

"It is a human's dream come true. You can have whatever your heart desires. Food, clothing, land, companions. It is eternal peace-"

"Sounds like heaven." I interrupted.

The alien's lips quirked.

"Something of that sort. It can be very beautiful or very terrible depending on the person."

"Why so?"

"Would you wish for good things to happen to evil people?"

"No. Not at all."

"My point exactly."

"What is evil anyway? Is evil caused by a difficult life?You know, I've always wondered."

The alien calmly looks back at me.

"Have you had a sorrowful life?" he asks, a curious gleam in his eyes.

"Sorrowful?" I scoff. "I can barely recognize myself in the mirror anymore. A saying goes 'Let a man walk the halls of sorrow. Whatever comes out, can it be called a man anymore?' " I asked.

"Sorrow is either growth or wasted potential if you have not learned. Power on the other hand, man cannot be trusted with power. It is too corrupting." the alien argues.

"I'll have to politely disagree. Power in itself is not corrupt. Power attracts those who are corruptible. Those who took the wrong lessons from their sorrows."

"And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"You have become a cynic only because you felt your life was difficult. Your cigarette is proof enough. It kills you, yet, you stick to it. Doesn't that make you just like them?"

"You are not a human. You don't, and maybe, will never, understand the delicate intricacy of addiction. I am not defending myself. I am ashamed but leaving it is no easy task."

The alien hummed," If you believe so. You are quite a melancholic person." he says, matter of fact.

"So I've been told." I smiled self deprecatingly, "Look at me, debating about ideologies with an alien."

The alien smirked, as if he was in on a joke I wasn't. Strange.

I cleared my throat. It felt itchy. Must've been the cigarettes.

"Anyway,how does your planet deal with 'evil' people."

"You need not worry your head over it. Our, ah, justice system is very fair."

"Oh. Where is it located? Your planet that is."

"Not here. It is somewhere above all the galaxies."

That most certainly piqued my interest. I have wished for death on my worst days but on my best days, I've always been a curious bug, too curious for my own good. I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"Why are you here?" I finally cave in to my curiosity.

The alien side eyes me and replies, "I'm here to take one person home with me. Forever."

A thrill raced up my spine and anticipation settled in my bones. I licked my frozen, chapped lips. Perhaps I am being selfish. I spent my entire life looking for an escape, an escape from everything, my depression, my poverty, my disease, that hospital and its disinfectant smelling wards, Linda, this wretched world. That is an artist's curse. Escapism, they say, is an art too and I am anything but unacquainted to art. I always wondered about what was beyond, a place where no man had stepped. The golden threads of time, weaved into the fine fabric of the universe, permitted this opportunity to occur in front of me. I will take it even if my hands bleed.

I have no family that left, nobody who loves me. I'm bitter and alone. I deserve to be selfish for once in my life. To take a big leap, a risk. Yes, I will.

"Take me with you." I begged. "Please."

"Why should I?" the alien replied, staring right in my soul.

"You came for me. I know. If you didn't you wouldn't have landed here." I say, hopefully.

"And if I say that is false? What else would you offer?“

"I can offer you beauty and art. I can create for you."

"We have many of those."

"There will ever only be one like me. Just like there is only one artist like them. Themselves only."

Silence enveloped us again while rejection stung my chest again.

"Allow me to prove myself." I plead.

The alien looked at me, questioning.

"Look in my mind, see all that there is." I say determinedly. And I let him in my mind, let him see the world through my eyes and feel what I felt. I let him see my arts, my music, my poetry, my paintings that I crafted lovingly with my aged hands. I let him see what a human sees, something I know that he had never witnessed. Then I revealed my sorrows. Hopefully humanity would appeal to it.

With a pull he left my head. My eyes burned and I felt a blood vessel burst. I dry heaved on the dead ground but the nausea still lingered. I am glad I was seated or my knees would've buckled and I would've been an undignified heap on the floor. All the while the alien just stared and stared. I am getting sick of his staring too.

Once again, I broke the silence.

"I will paint your skies," I continue, hesitantly, "and your buildings and walls. I will write for the children and even for the old. Just please, take me. I'm exhausted ."

My eyes burned again, unshed tears waiting for release. I avert my eyes and let out a sigh. I feel heavy and my shoulders slump. Unexplainable exhaustion overcomes me and my temperature keeps rising, beads of sweat rolling down my face.

"If," he began,then stopped. It was the first time in our entire conversation that I saw him hesitate.

"If," he continued, "if I were to ask you to scream your wish at me, what would you fear more; your echo or my answer? “

"My echo", I reply instantaneously.

"Why?"

"Because it would mean you have declined."

"Hmm. Recite a poem for me."

I gave a shaky, hopeful smiled and offered him my words:

My river by the oak tree

has turned molten gold again,

as the glowing orb of light and life surrenders to the sapphire sky.

The cotton clouds float in shy, pink circles

While the rush of the river awakens a memory I had long forgotten,

When this same tree once bore luscious flowers,

Their scent wafting lazily into the cool breeze,

While I sat and reminisced about the possibility of other lives in the universe,

Under the wrinkled, silver moon.

Silence hugged us again while the impact of my weakened voice lingered in the air.

"Do you believe in other lives? Aliens and such?" he questioned.

"Yes I do, I mean you are here so that confirms it too."

"You are a funny one. No one has ever mistaken me for an alien." it grinned, crooked, as if a gesture it wasn't familiar with.

My body went cold and tremors shook it to its feeble core, my breath coming out in shallow pants. My eyes shut down of their own accord. The entity then spoke with a voice that might have held the weight of a thousand suns,

"Beyond the stars we go."

[dragon-temeraire]

Could you please do "I come to the library everyday to 'study' but I'm actually watching Netflix over your shoulder and I'm really invested in the series but the day we were going to watch the season final you weren't there and I feel personally betrayed" with Sterek please

Finally got a chance to write this! (On AO3)

Derek isn’t actually here to study.

Sure, it looks like he is—he has a couple of random booksoff the shelf open in front of him—but in reality he’s just screwing around onhis phone, and wishing he’d thought to grab his laptop before being sexiled byhis roommate.

He flips a page in one of the books, stares critically at apicture of a statue. Boring.

He stares at the ceiling, then at a row of bookshelvesacross the way, trying to figure out if there’s somewhere else he should go.He’s not particularly social, or rather, he’s not great at social interaction, so none of the popular spots on campus appealto him. He’s not looking to spend money on the terrible coffee at the campuscafé, either.

Maybe he should just head downstairs to the computer lab,see if he can—

A guy is suddenly pulling out a chair at the table closestto Derek’s, sitting down with his back to him.

Derek didn’t really get a good look, but he has theimpression that the guy is pretty attractive. His shoulders are nice and broad,anyway.

When he pulls out a laptop and fires it up, Derek feels anirrational surge of jealously, then rolls his eyes at himself. He tries to readthe guy’s name as he logs in, but all he catches is an S over the guy’s shoulder.

He can’t see much of the screen as S plugs in his headphonesand starts typing. But then he shifts his chair to the side, leaning back in acomfortable sprawl, and Derek suddenly has a perfect view.

S is on Netflix, starting some show Derek’s heard about, butcan’t remember the name of. It had sounded really interesting, though. Andsince he’s too cheap to actually have a subscription, he’s tempted to get upand ask if he can join S to watch it. But before he even starts to get up fromhis chair, S clicks the subtitles on, which Derek can read if he just leansforward a little.

So he stays right where he is.

If he’d tried to talk to S, he’d probably have just made afool of himself anyway.

 *

 Since Derek’s roommate has an absurdly high libido, Derekfinds himself in the library again the next evening. At least he got his essaydone before he and his girlfriend starting moaning and grinding on each other.

He only has one book in front of him this time, because he’snot even trying to pretend to study. In reality, he’s just waiting to see if Swill show up again.

He ducks his head, starts casually flipping through thepages when he catches a glimpse of S coming through the door.

This floor of the library isn’t busy, so there’s a lot offree tables and study carrels for S to choose from. But he passes them over,and comes to sit in the same spot as last time. That makes Derek smile alittle, even though it probably has nothing to do with him.

It doesn’t really matter, though, because S has the nextepisode pulled up, and Derek is quickly absorbed.

 *

 The next night, Derek’s roommate is out on a date with hisgirlfriend, which leaves the room delightfully free of moaning and wet kissingnoises. He takes a moment to enjoy the peace and quiet, then glances at thebooks on his shelf and considers just staying in. After all, he probably onlyhas a few uninterrupted hours before they’re back.

But he ends up stuffing his phone and keys into his pocketand heading over to the library, anyway.

He just really wants to know what happens next in the show.That’s all.

 *

 It becomes a regular thing. Derek hangs out in the library,sometimes actually working on hisassignments, and waits for S to show up. Then they sort-of watch an episode ortwo together before S packs his stuff away and heads back out.

And every time, Derek considers going over and talking to S, but at this point, hefigures it’d just be weird. Especially because his first impression was right:S is really cute, and that just makes him more intimidating. The fear ofmessing up outweighs the possibility of having a nice conversation and gettingto know S.

Derek’s always been best at playing it safe.

 *

 “Hey, did you make a friend?” Derek’s roommate asks idly ashe taps at his phone. Probably texting his girlfriend.

“What?” Derek says, because the two of them don’t reallyhave conversations outside of ‘are these your socks or mine?’ and ‘don’t lockthe door, I’ll be right back.’

“You haven’t been in the room as much lately. I figured youmade a friend, or maybe started dating someone. Either way, good for you, man.”

Even though his roommate is a horny, inconsiderate asshole,Derek is a little bit touched that he noticed anything different. “Thanks,”Derek says, even though he unfortunately has neither a friend or a date.

Though it’s probably time for him to go hang out at thelibrary like a weirdo again.

 *

 Derek is fairly humming with excitement. They’ve made itthrough nearly all the episodes, and now everything is culminating in theseason finale. He can’t wait to see how all the loose threads are finally goingto come together.

He’s also wondering what show S is going to start watchingnext, and whether or not he’ll be interested in it.

He taps his fingers against his random book, trying not tolook like he’s eager to be here. That would be extra weird.

He’s distracted enough by his musings on the show, that atfirst he doesn’t notice the time.

S is late.

Derek tries to shrug it off. S doesn’t always show up atexactly the same time. And he might be sick, or he might have gotten held up,or maybe had a test to study for.

Derek sighs, flips to a new page, and decides to wait alittle longer.

It’s not like S knowsDerek is here, waiting for him. Derek’s never really on anyone’s radar.

Despite that, when S doesn’t show up at all, Derek feelsdeeply disappointed, almost betrayed. When he drags himself back to his dorm,and his roommate asks him if he got dumped, Derek honestly doesn’t know how toanswer.

 *

 Despite his irritation with S, Derek goes back to thelibrary the next day.

But it seems like S might have bailed on him today, too.

Derek didn’t even grab a book this time, wasn’t in the moodto fake-study, so he pulls out his phone and decides to burn a little more timebefore completely giving up on S.

He’s just checking the weather forecast when he hears achair being pulled back, and looks up to see S sitting down across from him at Derek’s table.

“Hi,” he says, smiling. “My name is Stiles.”

Derek blinks a little at that, but he’s glad he at least gotthe first letter right. “Derek,” he replies, when he realizes Stiles is waitingfor a response.

“It’s nice to meet you, Derek,” Stiles says cheerfully. “Ithought I’d come by, and see if you wanted to watch the finale with me whileactually, you know, sitting next to eachother. Possibly while also eating snacks and making side commentary. It’syour call.”

“Um,” Derek says, because he can’t believe this is actuallyhappening. Stiles noticed him, and apparently doesn’t think he’s a weirdo. “Sure, that’d be nice,” he answers,because it seems like social interaction is a lot easier when someone else doesmost of the talking.

“And then, after that, we could go on a date?” Stiles askshopefully, and Derek freezes.

He really wants togo on a date with Stiles, but he doesn’t know if he should. It won’t take long for Stiles to figure out how awkward andquiet Derek is, or how little experience he actually has with dating, and willlikely lead only to embarrassment and—

“You totally have this ‘I’d live alone in a lighthouse if Icould’ vibe going on, so I’ll promise you now that the date will be totallylow-key,” Stiles says, still smiling, though it’s more tentative now. “It canjust be eating hot pockets in my dorm, if you want. I’d just like a chance—”

“Yes,” Derek cuts in, because he wants a chance, too. “I’llgo on a date with you.”

“Let’s go then,” Stiles says, beaming, and takes Derek’shand in his own before heading toward the library doors.

 *

 “Of course I noticed you,” Stiles says a week later, tuckedin close next to Derek on his dorm bed, clicking through Netflix to find them amovie to watch. “It was cute, they way you would sit there and frown at thebooks. I kept trying to figure out a way to get you to talk to me that wouldn’tbe weird. Especially since you seemed kind of shy.”

Derek laughs. “Kind of,” he agrees.

“But after twelve episodes, I realized my plan wasn’tprogressing, and that I would have to take matters into my own hands,” Stilessays, nudging Derek with his shoulder.

“I’m glad you did,” Derek says, smiling back. “I feel likethings worked out pretty well.”

Stiles leans over and kisses Derek softly on the lips. “Hellyeah, they did,” he says, and forgets about picking out a movie for a while. 

[nightfayre]

I just LOVE your Pacific Rim AU fic. You write so well! Really! I sent some of the anons that have been highlited here and im so glad you liked them so I'm kinda fan girling a little!!! *0* Also: What do you think the boys want to be in the future? (like, profession wise). And Q2: Do you have, like, a method for writing??

oh jesus, asks like these always make me want to cry! thank you so, so much!! it makes me insanely happy & grateful to hear that people are enjoying F&F, and i’m so excited to continue the story!! thank you!

and as for your questions:

1. oof, this is a hard one. the one thing i know for certain is that He Tian wants nothing to do with his family or their business. he’s been through enough trauma and heartache — especially as a kid — and those broken bonds will not be easily repaired. and while i believe that He Cheng will always be there for him, i don’t see He Tian working in close relation with his brother, either. in some of the chapters Old Xian has released where the boys are older, He Tian is always dressed in attire that suggests he works some kind of office job. however i just can’t imagine someone like He Tian confined to a cubicle for 7-8 hours. the most plausible/reasonable answer i can provide is that He Tian works with some kind of surveillance/security company. he’s never been one for “minding his own business,” and so i think this line of work would suit his power-hungry and nosy personality. he’d be able to work in a profession that is practically the opposite of his family’s business, and maybe that’d help ease his mind as well. in general, i think the opportunity for He Tian to not only work in an office environment but also in the field would suit him perfectly.

as for Guan Shan… oh lord. let’s just imagine that this poor boy has finally shaken off most of his family’s debts and can start focusing on a stable career rather than jumping back and forth between part-time jobs. i can definitely see Guan Shan as a gym trainer and/or weights instructor — especially for kids and teens. it’s obvious that Guan Shan has an athletic streak in him and he’s also been in his fair share of fights due to bullying & the family-related feuds that he got into as a kid. despite the everlasting scowl on his face, i’m positive that Guan Shan wouldn’t want any kid to go through the same shit he did. but since he can’t control the fate of others, at least he can make them strong enough to deal with whatever comes their way. i can clearly imagine Guan Shan offering lessons to middle schoolers, high schoolers, and young adults. plus, the exercise would work wonders for Guan Shan himself, too. all that simmering anger has to be dealt with somehow, and i think Guan Shan would find more value in putting his talents towards a good cause rather than letting himself waste away.

now, Jian Yi. with all the time and education he lost when he was kidnapped in high school, i don’t see Jian Yi working in a career field that demands a higher education. don’t get me wrong — Jian Yi is not stupid and he certainly has an inkling of street smartness in him when drastic times call for drastic measures. however, the world continues to move forward even if you were kidnapped and trapped on a deserted island. so, with all that considered, i see Jian Yi as a small business owner. of course, it would take many years and a lot of hard work and discipline, but the idea of Jian Yi managing a cozy coffee shop or a family-friendly restaurant is too appealing to ignore. he would be a favorite among his regular costumers, and the competition of bigger companies wouldn’t be too daunting for him. honestly, i think he would have a blast as a business owner because now he gets to make all the rules instead of having his life dictated for him.

Zheng Xi, surprisingly, is the easiest one for me to decide. with everything that happened to Jian Yi and what followed in the aftermath — including Zheng Xi’s overwhelming feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, powerlessness — i can 100% see Zheng Xi working in law enforcement. the trauma of Jian Yi’s disappearance will initially crush poor Zheng Xi, but i believe that he’s strong enough to get back up again and work hard to make sure this doesn’t happen to anyone else without there being an answer for it. of course, additionally, he would also have the authority and support to protect Jian Yi and his other loved ones. Zheng Xi is protective, strong, intelligent, strict, and caring — he will work wonders in law enforcement. of course, he’d look great in the uniform too :)

2. and now your second question! i will put my answer to this question under the cut because this post has already gotten, uhm, tragically long. but read on if you want to see my answer!

this is going to sound a bit weird, but i write the best when i have an enormous bottle of water at hand. it helps me focus and refrain from getting distracted by other things around me. also, it forces me to take breaks when i desperately need to go to the bathroom, lol. getting a healthy amount of sleep also prevents my eyes from getting too tired whilst staring at a computer screen, and a blanket is always around my shoulders to help me feel more comfortable in my stiff chair.

otherwise, for my actual writing style — that’s harder to describe. i guess i try to have an even mix of vernacular and embellished language. it’s hard to explain, but i suppose that i’m always striving to allow the characters’ voices and personalities to shine through in my writing. i never write in first-person but i want it to feel as if it were in that perspective because it allows my audience to feel more connected to the story and better understand why the characters act/think the way they do. however, this often makes my chapters/stories a lot longer than planned because i strive to capture the essence of the boys’ thoughts and actions. it’s painful but it’s really a lot of fun, because one moment i can have a three-bullet list of what i want to accomplish plot-wise in a chapter — and the next moment i’m 10 pages in and have only accomplished the first bullet point…

with 19 Days, all four boys have a distinct voice/personality that makes it so much easier when i’m writing F&F. although they will eventually and literally be in each other’s minds, i want the audience to already have a general idea of how the individual boys think and feel without the aid of the Ghost Drift. it will make it all the more dramatic when two different personalities/mindsets collide (cough cough tianshan cough cough) because the audience will already know what to expect of a character’s personality. idk; i hope that makes sense to you?

TLDR; i start with a bullet list of plot points for each chapter, i keep writing and writing and writing until my fingers start to cramp, and then i’m still never satisfied with what i produce. it’s a hard life…

anyway, this was a long f-cking post but i hope i answered your questions!! and thank you so much for sending me your headcanons — all of them are so amazing and heartwarming!! thank you!!

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty good day. There was a big stressful part of the beginning but the majority of the day was very good. There was even a special surprise. And yoga.

I slept super poorly last night. I couldn't fall asleep for forever because I felt sick and nauseous and bad. And then when I did fall asleep I woke up a few times again. Air conditioner turned off in the middle of the night and James rollover next to me and I woke up just horribly uncomfortable. He wouldn't turn the air conditioning back on that because he always takes care of me. And I was able to sleep until about 7.

James was awake and told me I could keep sleeping but I didn't really want to. I wanted to lay there so I just played on my phone for a while. And then I got up. I got cleaned up and dressed and I felt okay.

I hung in my hammock for a little bit and then James told me he made a waffle. And I was like okay. And I was confused because he had asked me what I wanted for breakfast last night and I said I was going to have the avocado scramble thing I made the other day. And then he remembered that after he made the waffle and felt very bad. But it was fine. He made the thing I wanted and he had the waffle for breakfast instead.

I got the best boyfriend.

We hung out for a while and then left to go to the bus. James walked me there. And then bus proceeded not to show up for almost a half an hour. I was very frustrated. Because it was supposed to be there at 9: 30 but it didn't come until almost 9:50. And we had been there since 920. So I was very stressed out and I hate being late!! I texted Tiffany and let her know and I was just very distressed.

I was about 15 minutes late in the end. Sucks. I'm going to try to get an earlier bus tomorrow. So even if it runs late I will hopefully have the same issue. Because seriously we were three blocks away from access art and our bus driver saw someone on the street that he knew and he park the bus and got off to go have a conversation with him. I was losing my mind.

But I got there and everyone was fine. We're just lesson planning so it wasn't like I was missing anything yet but I hate being late. We all kind of bullshitted and talked for a little bit and then the teacher from holistic Life Center came.

He was a really nice guy. He told really funny stories and he was young and covered in tattoos and wearing a Orioles yoga shirt. He mostly talked about mindfulness. A little bit of yoga. And we learned a lot about breathing exercises. I felt very Vindicated and validated about the types of breathing exercises I already do with the kids when they're upset or hurt. But I learned some really interesting ones today. Specifically that I breathe wrong and I'm trying to retrain myself but it's very hard. It was very enjoyable even though I hated sitting in the folding chairs for that long. My feet don't reach the ground and it's uncomfortable.

But we also played a couple mindfulness games at the end of that was cool. Stuff that we can use in the classroom and it's awesome. I'm really glad that we were able to do that.

We had a late lunch. Marcus went down the street and got me a spring roll. Was very good. And I worked on my lesson plan. Almost out. I think I'll probably end up finishing it tomorrow. And then I'll go back in and make sure it's all good. I also think I want to use a couple other visual things for the classroom. And maybe add some tutorial images of some kind. We have tomorrow and Friday to finish lesson plans. And even with my brain breaks where I sketched tattoo ideas I still got a lot done.

While I was taking a break on my lesson plan I was looking at eBay and I got a crazy good deal on a Furby buddy. Something that I've been trying to get for 2 months now there's a little plush versions of the Furbies. I don't absolutely love them but people use them to make the long Furbies. And I'd like to try my hand at that. And I got one for $5. Usually they go for $35 to $40. I am very excited. I think I'm going to use it slightly as part of my example for my quilt making lesson. I'm going to make its belly pattern based off of Victorian crazy quilts. I'm very excited.

At 3 we finished up. We all decided on which weeks we should be teaching our lessons and when. Was decided that my quilt project would go first which makes me slightly nervous but it's probably a good idea. Because it's community building project we're going to kind of have all the kids get out there art things right away before they jump into other projects and I think that will work out nicely.

And then me and fitsum went home. His driving kind of makes me nauseous. Lot of fast speed up and then stopping. But we had a nice conversation about capitalism and its downfalls. And talked about apartments because he's moving as well. We saw a couple meet cars that we pointed out and talked about. It was a good time.

He dropped me off and I made some food. Did a couple packing things. Made a pile of the furniture and getting rid of. And just kind of hung out. Me and James were going to have dinner together but I kind of just wanted to be by myself a little bit. My dad's going to come visit this weekend and he's going to take the bed. So really these are the last couple days I'm ever going to live alone if all goes according to plan. And it feels very strange. I've lived alone for a long time. But I am excited. Nervous but excited.

I was just kind of chilling. Even though it was too humid in here to call it chilling. Playing Animal Crossing and watching videos. And then I decided to go check the mail.

I was excited because I had a package. But then I saw that there was a letter in there as well from the Minneapolis Apartment project. Which means it's from the class action settlement. Which means it's a check. When we won the settlement last year they said that we would get all of our rent back. But of course it was going to go into appeals. So we would probably just get a portion of our rent back. And honestly getting any amount of money from living in those apartments would be fine. But I was so nervous about opening this check. So he opened my package first. And it was socks! very exciting. I was looking forward to those socks. They're black and they have little hearts on them.

But I couldn't put off opening the check any longer. And I did and if I did my math right I thought about nine months worth of rent back. And the checks that this might not be the only check. That I might get more? Like after all the lawyers and fees are paid if there's anything left over there going to send another check. That's wild. And like all of my money stress. The $40 me and James got scammed out of the other day. James his bike breaking. Moving. All of it. This kind of feels like a buffer. We don't have to worry about it now. Least for a while. And I'm making more money and if he gets this job he's going to be at making more money. And even if he doesn't get this job he's going to keep looking until he does get something good. Don't have to be so stressed out and nickel-and-diming ourselves all the time. it's exciting. It feels Like the universe is telling me everything's going to be okay. That means using my white privilege to help make the lives of my neighbors and Minneapolis better is being rewarded. And that sometimes being a good person and trying to help other people does pay off in the end. And sometimes in cash.

I kind of didn't know what to say when I open the check. So I called James and let him know. And then I called my dad. We talked about taxes and he's going to check with the tax lady to make sure that I have put enough aside next year. I don't want to have an issue. But yeah it's exciting. And it was good to hear dad. He sounds a lot better. And he's looking forward to coming on Sunday and I'm looking forward to having him here. We're going to patch holes but hopefully we'll also do something else. Maybe we'll eat some good food and maybe we'll go see something interesting. Unsure of what yet but I'll figure that out.

I called Jess next to let her know. And she was very excited for me. And then I went back to packing. I brought more stuff from the basement. I broke down all of my Furby boxes. I don't know why I'm keeping them but it feels weird to throw them away. So flat in the Middle East to put them in storage. And I use the box that I have been storing them in to put kitchen stuff in. Paper towels and Ziploc bags. That one bottle of alcohol I always have. And then I took a shower. I painted my toenails and I'm just watching videos and enjoying my night.

Back to lesson planning tomorrow. And then I think falafels with James. No matter what it's going to be a good day. I can feel it. Hope you all have a good night tonight. Be kind to each other. Go out of your way for someone else. Don't expect anything in return. Good night

[ecofinisher]

Next Step - RollanxGerda oneshot

I don't know what to do, so I decided to write this as a one-shot :3 As most of you on Instagram see, I have the ultimate obsession with Rollan and Gerda, it nearly kills me at some point :D Nah literally, that one last time I had to spend time watching AMV's I literally had heart issues just from seeing their romance scenes. Even writing this AN here is making me crazy. Okay, here we go.

Additional note: Both characters are 20+

Fic inspired by this image (Actually the colored version, but I can't find the link to it -_- ) and my obsessed brain.

In a restaurant in the inner part of King Harald's kingdom, several couples and some small families sat in there to have dinner served. Major parts of the guests had already received their main menu, including our main characters Gerda and Rollan. Gerda was dressed in her usual clothing which consisted of a light beige skirt, a blouse with emerald-green buttons, and a dark brown sleeveless vest. Rollan came dressed up differently than he usually would, by wearing a fully white shirt and black pants. Both love interests had as their main dish beef stroganoff, mostly it was recognized on Gerda's dish since Rollan seemed to have a higher appetite due to his plate being nearly finished fast.

„It's been almost five months since we've gone out for dinner together," Gerda mentioned. „I've been really enjoying the evening here with you,"

„I'm glad you're liking it so far," Rollan responded, then looked along with his girlfriend at the end of the restaurant, where a woman stood singing and a few other adults were playing on instruments, ensuring a good atmosphere. „I like how the atmosphere here is so calm and sweet. Mostly with their music,"

„That's so far the only restaurant I've seen so far with music accompanying us guests. That's probably another thing why this is a little expensive than the others we know," Commented Gerda. „I almost feel bad to be here," Admitted the blonde, then Rollan placed his hand on Gerda's hand and shook his head. „You don't have to. I made sure we could afford it,"

„Okay, that sounds relieving," Gerda confirmed using her fork to roll up a bit of pasta and take it into her mouth. „How was your week?"

„It was fine," Responded Rollan. „I had to accompany classes on Wednesday and Thursday over the half of the day as they were seeing the palace from the inside and outside. Two of those classes had some class clowns, which wanted to cause a mess and I had to stay on watch for them as well when the teacher wasn't aware of it. On Tuesday I've spent half of the morning taking care of the royal horses so that in the evening we could go out with them for a check-up and be able to continue our task with them the next days. There wasn't anything dangerous or bad, where I and others would have the need to interfere…..and I saw you yesterday on the morning during the ride out, remember?"

„Oh yes, if Freya didn't have mentioned it, I would have missed you," Gerda commented making Rollan chuckle.

„I would have at least greeted you or something. You know that,"

„I do and I enjoy your little visits," The girl admitted taking another bite of her plate slowly finishing her dish. „Talking about visits, my dad's birthday will be in a few weeks and I've been thinking along with Kai to make him a surprise party at Alfida's ship. Kai had some funny ideas for games all could play along to pass the time. Do you think you can come with us to the party?"

„At what time is it?" Questioned Rollan. „I've got a few days, I've been longer at work because of special occasions,"

„7 pm " Replied Gerda. „But if you're not able to come it's alright. My parents haven't seen you quite often and it would be good you three would be able to get to know each other better,"

„I think so far our relationship is fine I believe. Your parents don't treat me bad as Kai used to do once in a while after…...you know…...this with the wishing stone," Rollan whispered making Gerda nod.

„I know, but I'm referring to them knowing you in person more. They only know you through my eyes, not through their own I mean,"

„Okay, I will take a look at my plan and if there's a possibility to exchange a shift I'll do it, so we can go together to your parents,"

„Thank you, I know I could count on you," Gerda said making Rollan smile, then the waiter appeared to take their plates.

„Have you enjoyed your meal so far?" Questioned the waiter earning a nod from the couple.

„It was delicious," Gerda commented.

„The spice of the sauce was excellente. I enjoyed every bite of it,"

„May I offer you two a dessert. On Today's card, we've got Morozhenoe and we've got a variety of toppings for it, which you can choose. Nuts, chocolate, and berries," The waiter explained. „Does any of this please you?"

„The one with the berries sound appealing to me," Commented Gerda making Rollan nod.

„If possible I'd like the one with nuts," Rollan added earning a nod from the waiter and he picked up the used plates and cutlery to move away. Gerda and Rollan glanced together at the band singing, then Gerda sighed at how harmonic the singer was in sync with one cello player, which stood behind her playing the instrument.

„Their voices do really match well with the other," Commented the Spaniard, then moved his hands above the table to reach to Gerda and grabbed it to earn her attention. „Are you looking forward to pass by the stable and take a ride around the kingdom?" Rollan offered making Gerda shrug her shoulders.

„Are you sure you don't need Valiente tomorrow fully rested?" Questioned Gerda.

„Tomorrow I'll be at the castle the entire day again. I may pass in the afternoon again to feed him or to let him walk," Rollan mentioned. „I think Eriksson will be there as well, because of the cleaning duty he has tomorrow and could as well take care of him and the others. I don't know it yet,"

„Okay I'd love to go with you out if it's possible," Gerda responded making Rollan smile. „Where have you planned to walk us?"

„I haven't planned anything. I thought we could decide it during the ride or just let Valiente go on his own,"

„We'll see about that," Gerda replied, then Rollan lied Gerda's hand back down on the table and looked around the restaurant to observe the surroundings, then he pulled his collar a little nervous.

„Dónde está?" Rollan mumbled, then Gerda glimpsed at the man's comment.

„What are you asking?"

„I….uh was wondering where my…...medal of honor went, but it's actually here," Rollan made up making Gerda snicker.

„Why did you even stick your medal on your shirt for our date?" Questioned Gerda. „You don't need to do that, just because of me,"

„It's a habit of me," Rollan confessed. „I like to have them with me,"

„That's fine, I just had the impression you seemed nervous about something,"

„It will get solved, don't worry," Rollan stated earning a nod from the girlfriend. „Hopefully," He said quieter, then Gerda who still heard the rest of Rollan's phrase gazed back at her boyfriend to see him stare at the door, then Gerda moved her chair a little further and grabbed Rollan's hand, then gazed at his face a little worried.

„Rollan, are you hiding something, you don't want to tell me?" Questioned Gerda making Rollan shrug his shoulders.

„Uh just give me five more minutes," Rollan commented with an embarrassed grin, then heard the door getting opened up from the entrance, where a young boy showed up, making Rollan sigh in relief and Gerda smiled at seeing the young boy.

„Who is that boy?" Asked Gerda looking at Rollan, which shrugged his shoulders, then the boy approached their table and took from the inside of his jacket a small book and opened it up to take out a pen with a silver ring attached on the hold.

„Hello…..You're G….Gerda, right?" Questioned the boy making the woman nod.

„Yes," Responded Gerda exchanging looks with her boyfriend, which smiled at the woman warmly. „Who are you?"

„I'm Lars," Responded the boy. „I'm a big fan of you and your brother Kai…...Rollan promised me he would find a way to make me meet you," Explained the kid.

„Oh and that now?" Questioned Gerda looking at Rollan, which rolled his eyes at the kid and back at the blonde and Gerda kept her eyes on the boy, which showed her the book with the pen.

„I just want your autograph, that's all I need," Lars said looking at Rollan, which nodded, then Gerda looked at Rollan, which noticed Gerda's eyes and faked a smile at the girlfriend.

„Uh was it a bad idea to bring him here?" Asked Rollan making Gerda shake her head and grab the pencil to sign her name on it.

„It was fine. I was just surprised," Gerda commented, then placed the pencil back on the book. „There you go, little boy,"

„Thank you very much, Gerda," The boy thanked, then gave Gerda a hug making her and Rollan smile, then the boy dropped the book on the ground in front of Rollan's feet, then the boy took his arms off Gerda and grabbed the book.

„I'm glad I was able to help you out, Lars," Rollan said with a wink, then the boy waved at Rollan and ran away to the exit and Gerda spotted the pen of the boy on the ground, then shrieked along with Rollan.

„Hey Lars, you forgot your pen!" Gerda warned picking the pen up, then saw the boy had left the restaurant, afterward, Gerda sat back on the chair with the pen in her hand. „He may come back to get it,"

„Maybe," Rollan responded a little relieved, then moved his hand at the pen. „Or I will bring it back to him. I know, where he is from," Rollan commented watching Gerda show him the pen, then Rollan reached his hand at the pen and Gerda squinted her eyes and took the pen down to see the ring on the pen.

„Hey for what is this ring on here?" Gerda asked watching Rollan grab the pen.

„You know those are new variants," Rollan commented holding the pen under the table, then tried to remove the ring from it. „You know…..they have a unique way of use," Rollan commented. „Want to know how it works?" Questioned Rollan making Gerda nod.

„Why not?" Responded Gerda, then Rollan got up and stood in front of the blonde and with his left hand closed into a fist and he bends down on his right knee and positions his left leg behind, then placed his hands together and used his right hand to take out the ring from his other fist and held the ring up at the blonde woman.

„Gerda I…..I've been thinking this entire year for the moment I would ask you this question. I didn't know how I should do it or where I should do it and this option occurred to me a few days ago and I thought that's the moment Rollan. You're just chickening it out the entire time out of fear. Just do it, it will go fine. Lars there, he's actually Hansel's son from the theatre. I offered him a bit of money, so he would play as a fanboy and ask you for an autograph, but in reality, we made this up, so I would obtain the ring in a way you wouldn't notice…..or you weren't supposed to notice it," Rollan explained making Gerda smile enchanted at Rollan's explanation, then Rollan smiled a little and noticed Gerda chuckle a little.

„What's your question?"

„Gerda…..after we got together and we began to see each other, I felt like my life finally began to have a meaning for me. You made me feel like the happiest man in this kingdom. I'm certain that our love will hold on for eternity and that we complete each other. I…..you mean the world to me, Gerda. I may not be able to make a lot of money with the job I have to provide us a better life than we have now, but I'm able to do anything to make you happy…...Will you take me as your l...life partner?" Proposed the raven-haired man looking up at Gerda, which had gotten emotional at Rollan's question, and held her hands in front of her face to clean her face. Rollan smiled at Gerda's reaction, then he moved his free hand to Gerda's face to clean tears coming down from her eyes and waited for her to be ready to answer his question. Gerda passed her hand under her eyes again, then she leaped onto Rollan's arms to hug her boyfriend tight, leaning her head beside his neck making him beam and place his arms around her.

„Yes Rollan, yes I do," Gerda responded, then she got off Rollan's arms and held out her hand, so the man would take her hand and place the engagement ring on her ring finger, which consisted of a light-blue stone on the middle of the silver-colored ring. Rollan held Gerda's hand to look at her engagement ring, then rolled his eyes up at her seeing the woman biting her lip, still excited about what had happened, then he opened up his arms at the woman and she got into Rollan's arms again, therefore the duo earned the applause of the guests inside the restaurant which made Rollan feel embarrassed. Gerda felt as well abashed at the people's reaction towards their step and she gazed back at Rollan, which smiled charmed at the woman after that she wrapped her arms up around his neck, locking up her lips with his sealing together their agreement on taking a further step in their relationship.

The End.