#while holding all our stuff and even though we had somewhere to be

[ginkasei]

he doesnt match my freak but he supports it and that is so important to me

[sarawayne0510]

Girl Dinner

pairing: George russell x kpop idol! reader

summary: In the fast-paced world of Formula 1, George Russell finds an unexpected escape in Y/N, a Le Sserafim member known for her captivating food vlogs

word count: idk

Genre: SMAU/Fluff

Inspired by my fav youtuber doobydobap <3

George sighed as he sank into the soft cushions of his living room couch, finally able to relax after a long day at the track. His phone buzzed in his hand—another meme from Lando, something about who’s the better driver this week. George rolled his eyes and swiped it away. He was tired of the constant comparisons, the endless questions. Every interview felt like another round of “Who’s better at this or that?” Sometimes, he just needed a break from it all.

He opened YouTube, aimlessly scrolling for something different. His eyes landed on a video thumbnail of a table filled with delicious-looking food, and a girl grinning beside it. The title caught his attention: My Guide to the BEST Street Food in Seoul.

“Why not,” George muttered to himself, tapping on the video.

The screen came to life with vibrant shots of Seoul’s bustling street food scene. Y/N was walking through the streets, introducing various foods with a bright, excited energy. George was immediately hooked. There was something about the way she talked—effortless, funny, and completely herself.

She picked up a small snack, inspecting it before taking a bite. "They’re much smaller than the big ones that are filled with roe," she said, holding up the dish with a mischievous smile, "but just because it's small doesn’t mean it ain’t tasty—and that applies to many things." She winked at the camera, making George choke on his water mid-sip.

He sat up straighter, a grin forming on his face. “What did I just stumble into?”

The video continued with her taking massive bites, describing each dish with vivid details that somehow made George’s mouth water, even though he wasn’t usually into food videos. But it wasn’t just the food—it was her personality. She had this way of making everything seem light and fun, as if the whole world was just a giant playground of flavors.

George leaned back, a smile tugging at his lips. For the first time in a while, he wasn’t thinking about racing or interviews. Just food... and her.

Y/N’s POV

The cameras were rolling, capturing every moment as Y/N and Yunjin stood in front of a colorful street food stall. Today’s challenge for Le Sserafim’s YouTube channel was a mix of dares and foodie adventures, and Yunjin was ready to dive in.

“Welcome back, everyone!” Y/N cheered into the camera. “Today, Yunjin and I are taking on the ultimate street food dare. We’ve got some spicy dishes and a few random dares to complete. Ready, Yunjin?”

Yunjin grinned, nervously holding a skewer of spicy tteokbokki. “Ready as I’ll ever be!”

The first dare popped up on Y/N’s phone: Talk about something you’re passionate about while eating something spicy.

Y/N took a large bite of the tteokbokki, her eyes widening at the heat. “Alright, here we go. So, I’ve got this major passion for cars. I’m fascinated by everything from the sleek designs to the roar of the engines. If I weren’t doing food vlogs and idol stuff, I’d probably be somewhere working with cars. I love the speed, the engineering—just the whole vibe of it.”

Yunjin laughed, struggling to keep her composure as the spice hit her. “You and your cars! I’ve seen you talk about them all the time. And speaking of busy, we’ve got a lot to do before our next tour. Packing, rehearsals... it’s going to be a whirlwind.”

Y/N nodded, wiping her forehead. “Yeah, it’s going to be hectic, but it’s worth it. And who knows, maybe I’ll get a chance to drive something amazing before we head out.”

The challenge continued with both of them trying various spicy dishes and completing their dares, their laughter and camaraderie shining through. The video wrapped up with Y/N and Yunjin excitedly discussing their upcoming tour and the busy schedule ahead.

George’s POV

George was sprawled on the couch in his hotel room, catching a break after the Suzuka GP. His phone buzzed with new content, and he opened one of Y/N’s food vlogs out of curiosity. He was halfway through when Yuki Tsunoda burst into the room with a couple of drinks and a big grin.

“Hey, George!” Yuki exclaimed. “Mind if I join you for a bit?”

“Of course not,” George replied, gesturing to the couch. “I was just watching this food vlogger. She’s really something.”

Yuki flopped down next to him and glanced at the screen. His eyes widened as he recognized Y/N. “Wait, is that Y/N? The food vlogger?”

George nodded, still engrossed in the video. “Yeah, she’s got this great style. I didn’t expect her to be so... engaging.”

Yuki’s expression shifted to one of excitement. “You know, I’ve got to tell you something. You might find this interesting.”

George looked up, curious. “Oh? What’s up?”

Yuki leaned in, a mischievous smile on his face. “So, Y/N... she’s actually a member of a famous K-pop group.”

George blinked in surprise. “What? Are you serious?”

Yuki nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, she’s in Le Sserafim. I didn’t realize you didn’t know. She’s huge worldwide”

George’s eyes widened. “No way. I had no idea. She’s just been this really cool food vlogger to me.”

Yuki chuckled. “Yeah, she’s got this whole other side to her. You should see their music videos. They’re amazing.”

George was intrigued. “You know what, let’s watch some of their stuff.”

Yuki grinned and pulled out his laptop, navigating to Le Sserafim’s music videos. They started with a recent MV, and as the vibrant visuals and catchy beats filled the room, George found himself captivated. Y/N’s stage presence was magnetic, and he was surprised by how much he enjoyed it.

As they moved through the videos, George’s initial surprise turned into admiration. “Wow, I had no idea she was such a star. She’s incredible.”

Yuki nodded. “Yeah, she really is. And she’s so down-to-earth. I think you might be more into her now, huh?”

George laughed, a little embarrassed. “You could say that. She’s definitely caught my attention in a whole new way.”

They spent the next hour watching various clips, George becoming more engrossed in Y/N’s multifaceted talent. By the end of their impromptu viewing session, he was thoroughly impressed and even more intrigued by her.

When the viewing session ended, George picked up his phone and hesitated for a moment before searching for Y/N’s Instagram account. With a smile, he hit the follow button, feeling a newfound connection to the talented and intriguing woman behind the food vlogs.

@georgerussell63

Liked by yukitsunoda0511,alex_albon,pierregassly and others

@georgerussell63 I'm mess in distress but still the best dressed

Thank u @yukitsunoda0511 for the pics🐥

Comments

@alex_albon you went to THE le sserafim consert without me!? Here I thought we were friends

@yukitsunoda0511 😼

@user119 george in his oppa era?🧐

@pierregasly ofc yuki took the pictures u could never take aesthetic picture like that

@user143 wait george be looking extra scrumdelicious lately

@user66 why know one told me george listens to le sserafim 🫢 because that's my mother in 2nd slide

@(your_username)

Liked by @georgerussell63,Calvinklein,jenaissante,le_sserafim and others

@(your_username) Feeling incredibly grateful for the opportunity to work with @CalvinKlein. Thank you for letting me be a part of your incredible collection

George POV

George was in the paddock, taking a moment to relax and scroll through Instagram on his phone. The usual buzz of activity surrounded him as teams prepared for the next race, but George was lost in his own world, scrolling through his feed.

He stumbled across a post from Calvin Klein featuring Y/N in their latest campaign. The photos were stunning—Y/N looked absolutely breathtaking , modern outfits. George’s eyes widened in awe as he saw the images of her effortlessly posing and exuding confidence.

Unable to contain his excitement, George let out an involuntary shout. “Oh my—”

A few of the other drivers, including Yuki, glanced over at him, intrigued by his reaction. Yuki’s lips curled into a knowing smile as he watched George’s enthusiastic response. He had seen George’s interest in Y/N grow over time and found the situation amusing.

Yuki chuckled softly, catching George’s eye. “Looks like someone’s having a fanboy moment,” he teased, fully aware of the reason behind George’s excitement.

George barely registered Yuki’s comment. His mind was racing, and Without a moment's hesitation, His excitement grew as he remembered that Calvin Klein had invited him to their upcoming party. This was the perfect opportunity to get involved, especially with the new collection making waves.

He couldn’t wait any longer. George bolted to his manager’s office, bursting through the door with so much energy that his manager nearly jumped out of his chair.

“H-Hey, George!” his manager stammered, wide-eyed, visibly startled by the sudden entrance. “What’s—what’s happening?”

“I just saw the Calvin Klein collection!” George blurted out, barely able to contain himself. “And we need to say yes to that party invite. Now!”

His manager, still trying to gather himself, blinked rapidly, stumbling over his words. “O-O-Okay! Y-Yes, right away! I’ll...I’ll handle it, no problem.”

George’s enthusiasm didn’t waver as he grinned. “Good! Make it happen!”

The Calvin Klein party was buzzing with energy, fashion icons and celebrities filling the room. George, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness, casually sipped his drink as he scanned the room. But then, he saw her—Y/N, effortlessly stunning, standing near a group of people, laughing and engaging in conversation.

It felt as though time had slowed down. The music faded into the background, the buzz of the party muffled, as his gaze locked onto her. Something about the way she carried herself, the confidence and grace, left him frozen in place. His heart pounded in his chest, and he knew he had to talk to her. Gathering every ounce of courage, he walked over.

“Hi,” George said, voice surprisingly steady despite the excitement coursing through him.

Y/N turned, her eyes meeting his, and for a moment, neither of them spoke. The intensity of their connection hit both of them like a tidal wave. She smiled warmly, and it was as if the world shrunk down to just the two of them.

“Hey, George Russell, right?” Y/N asked, her tone light but with a sparkle of recognition in her eyes.

He grinned, nodding. “Yeah, that’s me. I... uh... saw your Calvin Klein shoot. You absolutely killed it.”

“Thank you!” she laughed softly, clearly flattered. “I’ve actually been getting into Formula 1 recently, so it’s crazy to meet you here.”

His heart skipped a beat. “No way, really? You’ve been watching the races?”

“Yeah,” she said, her eyes lighting up. “It’s fascinating—especially seeing how everything works behind the scenes. The adrenaline, the speed, it’s so intense.”

George felt the connection deepening. They fell into easy conversation, bouncing between their mutual love for fashion, traveling, and fast cars. Every word she spoke made George feel as if he had known her forever. They shared so many of the same interests, and the more they talked, the more captivated he became. Time flew by without them even noticing.

As the party began to wind down, George hesitated for a brief moment but decided to go for it. ��I’ve really enjoyed talking with you tonight. Would you—uh, if you’re free, want to come to the Austrian Grand Prix? I think you’d really love it. Maybe I could show you around the paddock?”

Y/N’s eyes lit up, a soft smile playing on her lips. “I’d love that.”

@(your_username) Posted a story!

"What a wonderful night @georgerussell63"

After the Calvin Klein party, George and Y/N stayed in touch almost every day. At first, it was casual—sharing memes, discussing travel plans, and talking about their busy schedules.

George and Y/N always seemed to do a quick call between meetings, or FaceTime sessions whenever they could. Most often, Y/N would call him while she was cooking, her love for food shining through in every dish she made.

“Guess what I’m making tonight,” Y/N teased one evening, the sound of pots and pans clinking in the background as her camera showed her busy kitchen.

George leaned back in his chair, a smile tugging at his lips. “Let me guess…something delicious?”

Y/N laughed, giving the camera a little wink. “You know it. But you’ll have to wait and see. Maybe I’ll send you a plate.”

He couldn’t help but admire how much passion she had for cooking. He’d watch as she diced vegetables or stirred sauces, completely in her element. The sight of her in the kitchen, focused and happy, made his heart swell.

Sometimes, he’d even join her. They’d both be in their own kitchens, cooking the same meal during their FaceTime calls. George wasn’t the best cook, but with her guidance, he managed to whip up a few decent dishes.

“You’re doing great,” Y/N would encourage, laughing as he fumbled with a pan. “Maybe next time, you’ll cook for me in person.”

“That’s a deal,” George replied with a grin, his eyes never leaving hers on the screen.

Somewhere along the way, admiration had quietly morphed into something deeper. Something that felt a lot like love.

George’s POV

The Austrian GP was finally here, and George couldn’t shake the nervous excitement he felt knowing Y/N would be watching him live from the paddock. He had invited her to the race weeks ago, and now it was happening. After arriving at the circuit, George quickly texted her:

George: Hey! You here? I’ll come get you.

A few moments later, he spotted her in the paddock, looking effortlessly chic in her Mercedes team pass, smiling when she saw him. He guided her through the chaos of the paddock and into the serene comfort of the Mercedes hospitality suite.

“Welcome to my world,” George said with a grin.

Y/N beamed back. “This is insane! Everything looks so different in person.”

They spent the pre-race together, George showing her around, explaining the details of what went on behind the scenes, and making sure she was comfortable.

“Good luck out there,” Y/N whispered, as he headed to his car. She didn’t realize how much she truly cared for him until she saw the determination in his eyes. The feelings that had slowly bloomed over the weeks felt undeniably real now.

The lights went out, and the Austrian GP was underway. George drove like a man possessed—each lap faster, smoother, more precise. Y/N watched from the Mercedes suite, her heart pounding with every corner he took. It was a fierce race, with George battling for the top spot. And then, in a thrilling final lap, he overtook his rival, crossing the finish line first.

Cheers erupted around the track, but George’s eyes immediately searched for her. As the podium celebrations began, champagne spraying everywhere, he stood at the top, a wide grin on his face. His gaze never left Y/N. In that moment, he wasn’t just celebrating the win—he was sharing it with her.

The celebration was in full swing. Music pulsed through the club, and George couldn’t keep his eyes off her—not that he even tried. They had been glued to each other since the moment they stepped inside. With every beat of the music, every sway of her body next to his, George felt the tension between them build.

Y/N was radiant, her energy infectious as they danced together, their movements synced as if they had done this a hundred times before. There were other people around them, fellow drivers, friends, and fans, but to George, the room had blurred into a haze. It was just them. Every laugh, every smile, every brush of her skin against his sent a jolt through him.

At one point, she leaned into his ear to say something, her breath warm against his skin. He couldn’t even remember what she said, just the way her voice made his heart race. They moved together on the dance floor, effortlessly, like they had done this all their lives.

As the night wore on, neither could bear to leave the other’s side. They were locked in this invisible pull, their bodies close, their hands occasionally brushing. It felt like the world outside didn’t exist—just the two of them, wrapped up in the magic of the night.

On their way back to George’s condo, the car ride was quiet, but the air between them buzzed with unspoken words. Y/N glanced at him every now and then, a soft smile playing on her lips, and George couldn’t help but grin back.

As the car pulled up to his place and Y/N reached for the door handle, George, feeling the weight of the moment, decided to take a leap. He cleared his throat and with a small, mischievous grin, said, “Ramyeon meokgo gallae?” in his best, slightly awkward, British-accented Korean.

Y/N froze for a second, her hand pausing on the door, before she burst into laughter. “Did you just…?”

He chuckled, his face warm. “Yeah, I thought I’d give it a try.”

She shook her head, still laughing softly. “You’re adorable.”

The tension that had been building all night finally cracked, and as Y/N smiled at him, George knew that whatever happened next would change everything. She stepped back inside the car, shutting the door behind her, and leaned closer to him, her eyes sparkling.

And from there, the rest was history.

@(your_username)

Liked by yukitsunoda0511, alex_albon, georgerussell63, @jenaissante

@(your_username) girl dinner ✨️

Comments has been limited

@alex_albon really the person who burned the water

@jenaissante this girl is down bad

@lilymhe u are coming to williams garage next time and that's final

THANK YOU FOR READING <3

[worldlxvlys]

OMG PART 2 of “one of the girls” PLS OMG maybe a more angsty to fluff between them

deeper (one of the girls pt 2)

fwb! chris x reader

warnings: angst, cursing, mentions of sex

a/n: you definitely asked for angst and fluff and i definitely only gave you angst

sorry 😬

but i swear on everything the next part will be fluffy, i just needed to lay the groundwork 🙏🏾

previous part

“look, it’s fine chris. you’re just shitty at aftercare.” she spoke from her spot across from me on her bed.

we somehow had managed to go from talking about how our days went to sex.

“what are you talking about?” i asked, confused.

“i mean, in what world is you fucking me and dipping to go fuck someone else considered taking care of me?” she pointed out.

my face dropped at her words, “i- i don’t do that every time though, it’s happened a few times, but-“ she cut me off with a scoff, “that’s the thing, you do it every time, without fail. you just- you finish, you make sure i finish, and you leave” she shrugged it off, but it obviously hurt her to say.

“i mean, what kind of a friend treats someone that way? it’s like, hey ok! i finished using you for what i needed, gotta go do the exact same thing to the next girl! you don’t see how fucked that is? you don’t get how that would completely fuck with my head ?” she asked.

“i mean at first, it wasn’t like that. i didn’t care, i thought maybe you’d stop at some point. but after months of you doing this shit, i can’t act like it doesn’t affect me anymore”

i blinked at her, only now realizing what i was doing to her.

“and it’s not like i caught feelings and am in love with you or something, you can be with other people, i don’t care. but- i mean, right after me? the second your dick gets soft you go somewhere else to get hard again? like, am i that bad, or…?”

no, no, no. there’s no way this is happening right now.

there’s no way i’ve managed to do this.

what the fuck was i thinking? what was wrong with me?

“hey, listen. this has nothing to do with you not being good enough, ok? i’m so sorry, i never meant to hurt you at all, i need you to know that. you deserve better than how i’ve treated you, i know. i guess i was just scared-”

“scared? scared of me?” she asked in a low voice, her face clearly showing how hurt she was.

my eyes widened at that, how the hell am i managing to make this worse?

“what?” i asked, desperately trying to think of how to calm her down.

“is this about the whole liking pain while we’re having sex thing? because if you can’t handle that-” i brought my hand up to her face to cup her cheek, making her stop talking and stare at me with wide eyes.

“it’s not that, ok? i told you i’d never judge you for that and i meant it. there’s nothing wrong with liking that stuff, i personally find it makes you even more attractive”

“so, if not that, then what? what are you running from?” she whispered to me.

my feelings for you.

the second i realized that i was beginning to care about her in a different way, i started seeing other people.

i tried desperately to distract myself from her, praying that being with someone else would help.

the first time, it worked. until the next time we had sex, and i remembered everything that i loved about her.

i was overwhelmed by her, everything about her drove me crazy.

her body, her soft skin, her scent, the way she tasted, the way she moaned and screamed under me.

my senses were filled with her.

i assumed it was just physical attraction, which is why i tried looking for someone who could replace that.

but who was i kidding? no one could replace her.

and even if they could, i realized that it was deeper than the sex as i was staring at her now.

it was that beautiful smile that i was missing now while i stared at the sad look that i put on her face.

it was that look she had on her face when she wanted to laugh, but was trying desperately to hold it in as i made faces at her from across the room.

it was the amount of passion and dedication she put into the things she cared at about.

it was the deep connection that we shared when i stared into her eyes, my fear of intimacy somehow leaving my body when it was with her.

it was her.

it was always her.

and me? i was royally fucked.

🥀🥀🥀🥀

not too much on chris he’s about to eat in the next part (literally)

i may or may not have already written the next part to this 🌚

masterlist

tag list: @lustfulslxt @flowerxbunnie @sturnssx @mattslolita @its-jennarose @sophssturn @bernardsleftbootycheek @queen161718 @cupidsword @imwetforyourmom @nickmillersn1gf @mattsneezing @chrisstankyleg @sturniolobltch @ciarasturn1 @bethsturn @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @ssturniolo @blueeyedbesson @mxqdii @sturniolowhore @readerakayourname @defnotayonna @urmom2bitch @rootbeerworshiper @starsturniolo @hearts4chriss @theyluv-meee @carolinalikesthings @itzdarling @chrisstopherfilmed @judespoision @sstvrnioloo @littlebookworm803 @nicksdrpepper @chrisloyalgf @robins-scoop @fandomhopped @chr1sgirl4life @bbglmfao @55sturn @sturniolololover @meg-sturniolo @mattsnymphette @leah-loves-lilies @vanteguccir @ineedchriscock @junnniiieee07

[cheriladycl01]

Surrounded by Ice - Kimi Raikkonen x FigureSkater! Reader

Plot: The Iceman just surrounds himself with Ice in every aspect of his life

A/N: Just a short little Kimi drabble, more exciting stuff coming soon, just been swamped with Uni!

Credit to summerblueringo for the GIF

"How does it feel to bring home a gold medal for your country, again?" the interviewer asks and a big grin appears on your face.

"I mean, i love the sport and I've worked hard to get where I am. I think this year there were many other contestants who also deserved gold and everyone who took part today were amazing!" you keep smiling, it had been a really amazing set for you today. You'd even broke some records while here.

"And now what is your plan?" they ask holding the mic closer to you.

"Well my husband is waiting for me, just over there. So i think he wants to give me his congratulations" you say pointing out our stoic looking husband who was waiting in the background, keeping to himself watching the world go past.

"Ah yes, Kimi Raikkonen! The Ice Man, who arguably married Queen of the Ice" he jokes making you laugh a little. You had heard similar jokes many times since you'd married Kimi.

"Yes, obviously being here in South Korea for the Winter Olympics has been amazing, and I'll be sure to train hard for 2022 but now I'm needed to go support my lovely lovely husband in his fast cars" you exclaim, knowing that the Australian Grand Prix was round the corner.

"Ah yes, it's looking like a good season for Ferrari! And we can tell from your outfit today they already have your support"

"My support is for whatever team my husband is in, so Ferrari have had my support since Kimi has raced with them!"

You left the interview thanking your team before finding Kimi waiting for you quietly.

"Home?" you ask and he nods silently grabbing your hand and pulling you out of the arena.

"You were fantastic today!" he smiles, holding you and pulling you into a kiss.

"Yeah? You liked the new twist i did?" you ask, your routine today being one of the hardest you'd ever done. You mascara had infact started to run, from the sweat building on your forehead throughout the day.

"I like everything you do"

You guys both went back to the hotel, packing up all of your gear that had been here for the past month you'd stayed in Korea for. Once you were sure you hadn't left anything behind you made your way to the airport.

Kimi now only had a month until Australia, his personal trainer had come with you to Korea to help him train while he was out there supporting you.

Now, you'd train while you were travelling with Kimi. Finding ice while on the road with him was always difficult, but finding places to just work out and keep your fitness up was never hard as you'd train alongside Kimi. It was one of the ways to spend extra time with him during the season when he was most busy.

In the free month before Australia you started your research on where you could go in Melbourne to skate, you found somewhere that Kimi was happy with you going too as it wasn't too far from the hotel you'd be staying in or the race track for if anything went wrong.

"Will you watch me on the Sunday though?" he'd asked you as you were both lying in bed the night before you were due to fly to Australia.

"When have I ever not?" you ask, turning over in bed to look at him.

"Hmmm, I can for sure think of one time..." he smirks looking over you.

"If your talking about China, almost 10 years ago that doesn't even count!" you laugh, poking his cheek a little.

Your husband never failed to amaze you, his striking blue eyes and his soft blonde hair was what initially drew you in. But it was your first interaction with him that made you fall for him fully.

It was the Autumn of 2008 and you were 22 and you had just won your second Gold Medal in China, you'd stayed there for the months after the games as they left the Beijing Olympic Park open and it seemed like a good place to stay and to train.

You managed to get tickets to other sporting events in the months you stayed there such as Snow Boarding, Golf but the best one was when the Chinese Grand Prix came about.

You were active on the socials you had back then, and so it wasn't hard for Sauber BMW to reach out to you and give you a guest pass.

You'd been walking round the paddock, just investigating when you'd bumped right into the Finnish Ferrari driver. He had just stared at you while holding a tight grip on your wrist so you didn't fall over.

You remember him asking if you were okay, and some other questions that you hadn't heard fully as your brain had gone foggy at the sound of his soft, yet deep voice.

It was a little embarrassing, when he'd tried to speak Finnish to you, and then decided on English, but with no reply he was left stumped and awkwardly standing there.

He'd soon left after that but you were on each other's minds for the whole day. You tried to keep up conversations with the BMW drivers Robert and Nick but your mind kept drifting the the Finnish Driver for Ferrari.

He found you after the race, and just stared at you for a while before you made the first move speaking to him. And the rest was history.

You spent the next 5 years together as partners, it was convenient for someone like Kimi who raced all through the year apart from summer and winter to end up with someone in a sport who only competed for a month in the summer and winter. It meant that they also still got a break with each other.

After 5 years, Kimi let the big question unload and now you'd been married for 5 years.

"Of course, my love! You know that!" you smile, pulling him closer to you. You tuck yourself into his surprisingly warm embrace, considering his nickname was 'Iceman' he was the warmest person you'd ever had the privilege of meeting.

"I was thinking ..." he breathes, his voice a little higher and whiny than normal.

"Mmmmm, you don't do that often?" you tease, a hand running up and down his back.

"Well, I'm the ice man, your the Ice Queen... i was thinking maybe it's time we have an Ice Baby?" he whispers in the softest most unsure tone you'd ever heard.

"You think now's a good time?" you ask, and thinking about it... it was. You yourself had two years before the next Olympics in 2020, and Kimi was at a point in his career where he could leave and live comfortably if he needed and wanted to.

"I haven't told you this, but they want the Sauber kid in my spot. I'll be going to Alpha Romeo next year. I feel like I've done what i can and I've had my time in the sport... and we aren't getting any younger. Especially me..." he jokes, being 44 now.

"Mmmmmm I think now is the perfect time" you smile.

Flash forward to the Austin Grand Prix and you were 6 months pregnant. You'd already announced it and so many people were excited for you and Kimi, through the season he had loads of interviews. All against his will of course but people saw a different side to him when he talked about you and the soon to be baby.

It was a great race for Kimi in Austin, he pulled through with his first win of the season, valuable points that helped contribute towards his position in the drivers standings.

"So Kimi, first win of the season today! How are you feeling?" an interviewer asks, he was sat in a panel with some of the other drivers in a debrief.

"It was good to get a win, this season has been tough. We've had an interesting year with veteran drivers like myself, Seb, Fernando and Lewis being pushed by newer or younger drivers who are proving to be good competition like Charles, Max and Pierre" he answers.

"There have been rumors that you wont be here with us next season?" he pushes and Kimi roles his eyes.

"If I'm not it's not an issue... racing is my hobby that i get paid to do. I'll leave when i want to" he admits without letting anything slip that Ferrari wouldn't want to come public knowledge.

"Lets move on to you Lewis..."

And for the rest of the interview all he could think of was coming back to you.

Once your daughter was born in January before the start of the 2019 season and Kimi moving to Alfa Romeo everyone on the grid wanted to meet her. So of course, you were obligated to come to Australia for pre-season testing. Your 3 month old being so intrigued at the busy rush of everything around her.

She was a fan and driver fav around. Everyone had a picture with her and introduced themselves as her uncle and that they would look after her. People like Lewis, Seb and Charles all came with little gifts for her, Seb even had someone make her a custom team Ferrari top so she could fit in with her father and her Uncle Sebastian.

"Today was amazing!" you sighed as you leaned into your husband who currently held your daughter against his bare chest.

"Mmmm, I think you should both take a break though, at least until Summer break and join me afterwards" he smiles, knowing that the heavy time change from Monaco to Australia wasn't good for your or the baby.

"Well, I may as well come to Bahrain with you... its on the way back. But I will leave after that" you smile, pulling him in for a kiss.

"I love you, thank you for giving me this life" he smiles looking between you and his daughter.

"I wouldn't have it any of way" you grin.

Taglist:

@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc @mirrorball-6 @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @lilypadlover @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @the-fem1n1ne-urge @21stcenturytaegi @dark-night-sky-99 @spideybv28 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @kapsylia @laneyspaulding19 @lazybot @malynn @cassielikereading @viennakarma @teamnovalak @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @jlb20416

[luizd3ad]

When in Doubt, Blame Damian | Jason x Reader

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ࣪˖⤷ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ࣪ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ˖ ⤷

Pairing: Jason Todd x GN! Reader

WC: 928

CW: Swearing, over thinking. It’s mostly kinda fluffy. No use of Y/N.

Author's Note: I got this idea while giving my dog a bath sooo here you go idk lol hope you like it🖤

Summary: You get a dog!! … but you didn’t tell Jason.

Not my picture

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀

You blamed Damian.

You normally blame Damian for a lot. More than you're willing to admit, sometimes for stuff he wasn't even involved in.

But this time you think it's actually his fault.

How could you not blame him? If he hadn't asked for a ride to the pet store. If he didn't insist that Titus absolutely needed a new friend. If he never put that little puppy in your arms basically forcing you to fall in love with the little baby that was giving you kisses, then you wouldn't be here right now.

You wouldn't be in yours and your boyfriend's apartment trying to figure out how to tell said boyfriend that you guys now had a dog. 

Would Jason be mad? Honestly? You didn't know. The topic of getting a dog or a cat has came up a few times.

He would usually say things like ‘Maybe’ or ‘Now's just probably not a good time’ it was never a definite yes or no.

So maybe it wouldn't be that bad, you thought to yourself trying to give yourself some confidence. 

I mean it was your apartment too. You contributed. And it would feel nice to have something to keep you company while Jason was on patrol or had to go somewhere for a while.

You'd hyped yourself up at this point you had some good arguments lined up for why it was a good idea.

You felt confident about your choice, especially when you looked down at the little puppy sleeping peacefully in his bed that was in your shared bedroom. You got this, you told yourself and you really believed that. You genuinely did.

That was until you heard the front door unlock. 

You rush out the room, closing the door softly trying not to wake up the puppy. 

You walked into the living room to greet Jason who was out all morning and most of the afternoon training with Dick, Cass and Duke. 

“Hey Jay.” You say giving him a soft kiss.

“Hi my love. How was your day?”

Jason says, giving you a tight hug, holding you for a moment. 

“Umm it was you know. It was fine. Hung out with Dames. Nothing crazy you know? How about you?”

You rambled pulling away from Jason trying not to sound suspicious while walking to the couch in the living room. 

Jason gives you a questioning look but ends up just dropping it and following you to the couch.

“It was fine. Just the normal shit. I missed you though.”

Jay pulls you into him while giving you a kiss on your head. You feel kinda guilty at this point.

You don't like keeping things from Jason. He has a lot of trust issues so it was important that you guys had a lot of honesty and communication in your relationship. 

You pull away from Jason and look at him, giving him a slightly guilty look.

“Jay, I have something to tell you. Don't be mad.”

“Did something happen when you were out with the Demon Spawn? Did he do something? What did he say? I'm gonna kick that little brats ass.”

Jason runs his hand through his hair already mad at Damian for whatever Jason thinks he did. 

“Jay calm down Dames didn't technically do anything. I did something, and before you get mad-”

You were interrupted when you heard a puppy bark and a slight clawing sound at the bedroom door and judging by Jasons face he also heard it. 

“What was that?”

“What was what?”

You give a little chuckle, now trying to play it off. Hoping that this isn't how Jason finds out but knowing that it is. 

“Babe Is there a dog here?”

“Um technically..? Yes?”

Jason sighs and gets up to the bedroom and opens the door letting the dog run up to you as he tries to climb up on you. You pick him up, putting him on your lap while he starts playing with your hand. 

“Babe, who’s dog is that?”

“Umm… Ours?”

“When did we get a dog?”

Jason says wide eyed and raises his eyebrows at you.

“It's all Damian's fault! He told me how lonely Titus gets sometimes and I felt bad and just look at how cute he is!”

You try to explain picking the dog up so Jason can look at him.

 “Don't be mad jay..”

You say putting the puppy on the floor so he can run around a little all while you look extremely guilty.

“Mad? Why would I be mad? Wait baby, is this what you were trying to tell me?”

Jason says sitting next to you on the couch while looking at you concerned. 

“Yes… I felt bad making a choice like that without you and I know how you don't like it when people hide stuff from you and I just don't want to make you mad.”

“Baby, I'm not mad. I'm not thrilled that you got a dog without me, especially because it was with the Demon Spawn. But I'm not mad.”

Jason says pulling you into him kissing the top of your head.

“You're not mad? Really?”

“I can't be mad at you baby. You mean everything to me.”

Jason says while the puppy runs up to you guys laying down at your feet.

“I'm still sorry Jay.”

“I know you are, baby. It's okay, promise. Now what's this little guy's name?”

Jason says picking up the puppy and looking at his face while you smile at them.

Maybe you shouldn't blame Damian… this time.

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀

[drgenius-reid]

In the Quiet

A/N: Happy New Year! I wrote this short little piece for the wonderful @foxy-eva. I hope you like it, friend! 🤎

Summary: After partying at Rossi’s, you and Spencer are in bed together talking about the family you have at work. 

Word Count: 1320

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol. I think that’s it, honestly. 

It was in the quiet, when it was just you and Spencer in bed, recounting the day you’d had with the only light coming from the moon outside, that you loved the most. It was when Spencer pulled you lovingly into his arms and held you close, pressing soft kisses to your temple mumbling, ‘You’re allowed to rest, my love,’ against your skin. 

It was when your mind was far from quiet, still reeling from a gruelling case that had well and truly taken everything out of you, and you didn’t want to relax but tried anyway. It was in your fiancé’s arms, your head on his chest and his heart beating against your cheek where you were almost able to forget everything you had seen and calm down from a busy evening out with friends.  

After getting home from a rather demanding time in Ohio that took more out of you than normal, you’d gotten to the office to find Penelope dancing around the office to try and forget about the gruesome details you’d had to feed her during the case. The second she saw you all walk through the doors to the bullpen she lit up even further, rushing over to you with a tray of drinks. 

‘I thought we could have a little BAU party!’ She beamed, holding the tray for you all to take a drink from it. You knew that she was trying to ignore the pain that rushed through her in the only way she knew how, by showering everyone with love and positivity. And fun drinks. ‘These ones have no alcohol but if we go to the bar we can absolutely get alcoholic ones.’ 

Unlike everyone else, Rossi found the idea of going to the bar less than appealing. Not when he had perfectly good alcohol and floors and tables that weren’t sticky at his place. Everyone was more than willing to take him up on the offer, knowing that he had the good stuff that you didn’t have to pay for. 

Within minutes of finishing your drink and JJ putting the empty glasses in the kitchenette to clean the following day, you all headed down to the parking garage so that you could head to Dave’s house. You and Spencer, who had gotten to work the previous week on public transport, climbed into the back of Derek’s car where Spencer rested his hand on your thigh instantly. 

Neither of you were huge fans of PDA but in the quiet moments where he put his hand on your body and held you close were some of your favourites. The warmth of his hand radiated through your body and made you forget about the cold Virginia weather momentarily. 

‘Do we think that Emily and Derek decided to go to a club after like they said they would in the car?’ 

Spencer’s nose was buried in your neck and you sighed happily as he snuggled into you. Despite him not showing huge amounts of physical affection while you were out of the house, the second you were in your own space he was all over you. His hands roamed your body any time they could, and he loved to hide his face in your neck with his lips trailing over your skin. 

‘There is a ninety nine point nine percent chance that they are currently in a club somewhere being one another’s wing…person.’

Emily and Derek, though happy to be going to Rossi’s house for the evening, had spent the entire car ride talking about whether they had it in them to go partying after the party. 

‘Our very own two person after party!’ Emily had laughed as Derek pulled up to a stop sign. ‘We can be each other’s wing person. Think of all the ladies, Morgan. Think of the ladies.’ 

Derek turned to face Emily and tilted his head. Even in the dim light of the car you knew that he was smirking. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as the light turned to green and he accelerated once more. 

‘Well if it’s for the ladies.’ 

‘And the point one percent?’ You asked Spencer, gripping his hand that sat at your middle tightly, needing to be as close to him as physically possible. 

‘They’re passed out somewhere in Rossi’s house.’ 

You breathed a laugh and made a mental note to text Emily before bed and find out what she wound up getting up to after you and Spencer had left Rossi’s. 

‘If we’d have stayed there any longer we would have passed out on his couch too. Well I would have anyway. You slept on the jet for most of the flight. Even through turbulence!’ 

Spencer hummed against your neck, trailing his lips across the soft skin. The heat from his breath and the softness of his kisses had your eyes falling closed on their own accord. You relaxed yourself into his touch, physically feeling the stress leave your body. He ran his tongue across the bottom of your neck before pecking his way up to your cheek. 

You twisted around in his arms and pressed your lips to his softly. Even after years together it felt surreal kissing Spencer. He was still just as gentle as he had been when you first started dating, taking his time with you as he held you close. When he ran his tongue along your bottom lip, begging you for the access he desired the most, your heart fluttered deep in your chest. 

Your hands pushed through his hair until they settled at the nape of his neck where you held him close as you kissed him back, granting him the access he craved. He tasted like fruit juice–sweet and sticky, and oh so intoxicating. His chest heaved against yours when he pulled away to rest his forehead on yours. 

‘Tonight was fun,’ he whispered against the silence of the room. ‘Thank you for not letting me get out of it.’ 

You laughed softly and cupped his cheeks delicately. ‘You’re welcome, handsome. It was really nice getting to share that with you. And with everyone else.’ 

‘It was,’ Spencer whispered, capturing your lips in a small peck. ‘Did Penelope send you those photos yet?’ 

Reaching over Spencer you grabbed your phone from the nightstand and settled back into his arms, shifting until you could use both hands. As promised, Penelope had sent you the photos she had taken that night. There was no denying that they were some of your favourite photos ever. 

They all so perfectly highlighted the fun that you’d all had together–Derek and Emily dancing around Dave in the kitchen as he tried to pour everyone a drink; Penelope and JJ dancing in the living room with Hotch in the background laughing at their dance moves; and one of you and Spencer curled up on the sofa, one of Spencer’s hands on your thigh as you leaned your head on his shoulder. 

Out of them all, your favourite photo by far was one that you were all in. You all huddled in the living room while Penelope set her camera on a timer on the mantel, telling you all to get ready because she wasn’t willing to take more than one photo. 

Something got lost in translation though because when she looked at the photo she bowed her head in shame. Emily had turned to flick Derek’s ear, JJ was staring at them telling them to stop acting like children, Hotch and Rossi were staring at the camera with rigid smiles, Spencer’s eyes were closed and you looked cross eyed. 

All the while Penelope had the biggest grin on her face. It was the worst photo that could have ever been taken but it was also your favourite because it showed everyone so perfectly. 

‘I like that one.’

‘It’s just…us,’ you smiled. ‘It’s-’

‘Family,’ Spencer finished for you. ‘It’s a family.’

[vmpiires]

❛ INFINITY — 無限大

choso x f!reader ﾉ MDNI

𑂻𑂴 summary. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𓂃ㅤ you and choso go on a “date” and choso opens up about his family

𑂻𑂴 tags. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𓂃ㅤ choso (non-curse), mid 90s AU, nsfw, female anatomy, stoner!choso, mentions of going broke, possible sexual content, canon/modern lore mixes, etc.

𑂻𑂴 a/n. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𓂃ㅤ i almost forgot about this story BUT IM HERE. reblog to support meeee and enjoy :D (lmk if you wanna be tagged in the next part)

𑂻𑂴 misc. ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ𓂃ㅤ masterlist ,, AO3 — dark mode recommended. WC — 2.35K — part four

@sad-darksoul @aiyaaayei @a1-ic3 @exinqiu

“you wanna…hang out? like, right now?” you heard choso say hesitantly over the phone. it was around ten at night and you weren’t busy. you didn’t have anything better to do. plus, you wanted to go out a bit more since you were a bit of a homebody.

“yeah, why not?” you beamed over the phone. “it’ll be fun and i don’t have nothing else to do. plus, we need to hang out more before it gets too cold…winter is around the corner.”

“oh..um, yeah sure. you’re right.” choso answered. though, he was in the clear for the evening since yuji would be spending the night with his friends for a sleepover, the male was still skeptical about somethings.

what if there’s an emergency? what if something happened to his little brother? anything could’ve happened while he was away, not supervising.

you grin excitedly, starting to list multiple places you could go. it took some quick process of elimination just to choose the park. it was simple and it seemed like choso really wanted to go for some reason, so you agreed.

once you got off the phone, you navigate to your messages app and send him a text, ‘oh i forgot to say that if you wanna bring food or something you can.’

now you had to play the waiting game. it was always you waiting longer than five minutes or less than a minute for choso to text back.

well this time you didn’t have to wait. your phone makes a sound shortly after you sent that message. you take a glance down to see that choso loved your message.

‘helping my brother pack. i might be a little late.’

you smiled at the text and urged him to take his time. you thought it was sweet how heavily choso cared for yuji. nothing never went unnoticed around him. he was like a big brother and a mother in one.

you began to put on your clothes and grab whatever you needed before you would finally leave out of the house and make your way towards the park.

the night sky was so clear and perfect. you could see all the stars just from where you were standing. that’s when you started to wonder if choso liked stargazing. how would he feel about that?

you were quickly reminded that choso may not have time for stuff like that since he seemed like a busy man. you could also tell he was the type that wasn’t very exposed to current day activities trending amongst other people.

it’s like he’s trapped in his own bubble.

“hold your hand out,” choso said before lifting yuji’s hand to clip his nails. “now, i’ll be going out somewhere tonight, so i won’t be at home while you’re with your friends…but if you need me, please call me, okay?”

“i know, big brother,” yuji smiled up at his elder brother. choso’s cheeks turned a rosy color before smiling back. “but where are you going? you never leave the house this late unless you picked up work.”

“you’re right but tonight is different…i’m gonna meet our brothers, spend some time outside the house…i shouldn’t be rotting in here all the time anyway.”

choso put the boy down once he finished clipping yuji’s nails and ruffled his hair. he would fold some clothes and place them down into the bag neatly.

“don’t let anybody touch your stuff and break it, okay? you’re allowed to share but make sure they’re being careful. you know money is hard around here and i can barely afford some of this stuff for you.” choso mumbled. his soft expression seemed to turn into a slight frown.

yuji nodded but he couldn’t help but notice his brother’s expression. “are you mad, big brother?”

the dark haired male blinked quickly and shook his head. “no, no. i’m not mad…life is just really hard and i need to probably find a second job.”

working as a bartender is okay for him, he didn’t mind it. but when it came to needing more money to upkeep the house and to satisfy both their wants and needs, he would need a second job.

“then we won’t be able to hang out together,” yuji frowned. it was already hard for choso to make time for his little brother but now it would be even harder.

“i know, itadori…i know. but i’ll make it up to you as best as i can. i promise i’ll never forget about it, okay?” choso held his pinky finger out to yuji. “you trust me?”

“i trust you,” yuji grinned.

“good.” choso smiled as he retracted his hand away from the boy. “now hurry and go grab your coat and your shoes. let’s go, we don’t wanna be late.”

yuji nodded and grabbed his coat from the closet by the front door and put on his favorite red boots before hurrying out of the door, waiting for choso to follow behind him.

after choso drove yuji to the other side of town, choso would make a stop at the corner store and bought another pack of cigarettes and some snacks that you both would like.

it took a little bit of time to make up his mind because he was a bit picky about what he ate but he’d eventually figure it out before heading to the park, finally meeting up with you.

“hey,” choso called her name breathlessly as he jogged over to the spot where you were sitting at. the park was empty, perfect for just the two of you to relax and talk and do whatever came to mind. “i’m so sorry i took so long. i drove thirty minutes from my place, to the other side of town for yuji then back, i’m sorry.”

you noticed his apologetic tone and you nod your head no, smiling at him. “don’t worry about it. like i told you, you didn’t have to rush to get here. i wasn’t going anywhere.”

the two of you finally get comfortable on the grass, eating the snacks you both brought and the drinks. choso noticed you opening a can of beer from the six pack brought with you. the male lifted an eyebrow.

“i thought you didn’t drink..” he said softly. you nod, taking a sip of your beer before sucking your teeth.

“i don’t but it’s nice for the occasion, you know?” you reach down and hand one to choso, offering it to him. the male was about to say no but he considered your next words.

“come on, just one can won’t hurt you. you gotta loosen up a little bit. you’re a busy guy that barely gives himself a break. tonight’s your night, cho.”

the male would light a cigarette and put it between his lips before humming. you were definitely right. choso never gave himself a break. he was always moving. hesitantly, he’d take the can from you and open it, listening to the sound as it hissed open.

you giggled when you saw choso’s face contort to an expression of disgust the second he took a sip of the beer.

“you like this?” he asked.

“i don’t like it either but after a while it’ll taste better.” you reassured. there’s a silence between the two of you as you both sat there, taking in your environment.

trees blowing gently in the quiet wind of the night. lampposts casting dim lights and weak shadows, and the occasional chirping of crickets hiding in the soil somewhere.

choso wasn’t a man of many words so the silence was tolerable but then a thought came to your head. while choso smoked his cigarette and you ate your snacks, you turned to him.

“why’d you wanna come to the park so bad?” you asked.

“it’s from a recurring dream i have. every time i have that dream, i see my brothers here. i just wanted to….i don’t even know. i just wanted to know that this place wasn’t just a figment of my imagination, i guess.”

“do you know what happens in the dream?”

“it all goes by so fast…it’s not that i don’t remember what happens, i just hate talking about it sometimes. i’m sorry.”

“it’s fine, you don’t have to apologize,” you scooted a bit closer to him. “hey, let’s talk about something else. to lighten the mood, y’know?”

“oh..yeah, good idea.” choso nodded slowly, taking a drag from his cigarette. you had an idea already on what to talk about and you were obviously eager. anyone could just tell by the look on your face.

“have you ever stargazed before?” you began.

“uh…no. i mean- i look at stars but…i don’t do it like that. it’s- i don’t know.” he trails off, looking embarrassed and shy when he realized that he’s stumbled over his words a bunch.

“here, lay down.” you would lie down and choso just looked at you as if what you were doing was the oddest thing on earth. you waved your hand, gesturing him to do the same.

finally, choso would lay down, his eyes lighting up at the blanket of stars covering the sky. the stars were beautiful and bright that night. he could see some of them lining up, creating shapes—constellations.

“i love stars. they’re just so pretty.” you comment, “they look so close but they’re just so far…too bad some of them are dead.”

“these stars have been dead for a long time, they’re just now reflecting back to us.” choso chimed in lowly. you sighed.

“don’t you wish you could just be a star in the sky? not having to worry about anything or anyone in the universe, just yourself?”

“i’m not sure if i wanna turn into a star just yet,” choso said. “it sounds like death to me…but if i could run away and live somewhere secluded from society, i’d do it. me and yuji.”

“do you think anybody would miss you?” you frown a little, your expression a bit serious. choso shrugged.

“i have no friends...and if i did, they all died or they’re just people i don’t speak to anymore. i’m that lonely.” he sighed. “i don’t need other people anyway. it doesn’t bother me.”

choso looked at you and automatically felt embarrassed again. he ran his fingers through his medium length hair and shook his head.

“sorry. i overshare a lot.”

“you apologize a lot…it’s not really anything wrong with it, i just noticed that.” you say. “is that just…how you are? if you don’t mind me asking..”

“it’s just how i am, so—never mind. my dad was just so hard on me, i was always apologizing for something and he just kinda turned me into a sorry mess.”

the sudden mention of his father made him frown and he sighed. “i’m glad i don’t live with him…but i would probably stay there just for some money. he’s the typical salaryman with a son that’s broke…or at least, almost broke.”

“does the job you work at not pay enough?” you shifted your body so you were facing choso instead of the sky.

“it helps me get me and my brother some food that would last us a while and probably a shirt. not any of that luxury stuff. the only time i get that kind of stuff is when it’s given to me.”

“okay, that, i think is an exaggeration…every time i see you two, you’re dressed nicely and when we facetime, your house looks nice and clean,” you say. your hand slowly moved towards his but you hesitate to keep going.

“yeah, i guess it is. my job pays pretty well…i guess i’m just paranoid about it not being enough.” choso took a drag of his cigarette. when he felt your hand on his, he’d look down at it then back at you. instead of leaving your hand where it was, he’d take your hand into his.

the two of you were feeling a buzz from the beers you were drinking and the world seemed to be moving in slow motion. choso saw the soft smile on your face as you looked into his soft, tired eyes. you saw how his dark hair covered a lot of his face as he laid on the ground beside you.

“you know, i think you’re a really nice guy,” you blurt out. you weren’t even aware of what you were saying yourself. “i really like you.”

“i….” choso’s breath hitched, “uh…i like you too. i’ve liked you for a long time—since we met.” the male could feel his ears getting hot and the tip of his nose was a pinkish color from the cold, mixed with his blushing.

there was a tingly feeling on his face as his cheeks began to warm with excitement and embarrassment. the cut underneath his bandage was starting to bleed again.

“take this off,” you whispered, slowly removing the bloody bandage, revealing the red cut across his nose that’s usually black. you would take a napkin from your bag and once again, clean the blood from his face.

choso was obviously embarrassed. this was the second time you saw his cut but he didn’t really like others seeing it. the male used his hoodie to cover his nose.

“uh…thank you..for uh—for cleaning it.” he mumbled. you smiled at him and pulled the collar of his hoodie down from over his face before kissing him. your lips locked with each others and you both seemed to be in a deep state of excitement and euphoria.

choso never kissed a girl before. he wasn’t sure what was happening or what he was supposed to do but he tried his best to follow your lead anyway.

when you pulled away, you could see the surprise on choso’s face. his face was flushed from being so inebriated just as you were.

you both fell silent. the only noise that existed was your own breathing and the nature around you. choso was sure he wouldn’t remember much of this tomorrow and neither would you…but deep down, he found it hard to believe.

lowkey this took so long to write,, i’m tired 😭 i’m glad you guys like this. i made something happen so…now its time to get ready to wrap it up. also sorry if there’s any mistakes lol

© EXORSIIAN | © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

[lucy90712]

Can you write domestic fluff with joao felix?

WC: 2.6k Over the last year Joao and I have moved a lot with him going on loan to Chelsea then coming back to Atletico and now moving to Barcelona it's been a lot. When we moved to London we only rented a place as at the time we weren't sure how long we would be there which was a good choice as it only turned out to be 6 months but now moving to Barcelona we want to actually have a place of our own. There's a few reasons for this one being that Joao wants to stay here as even though he's currently only on loan he wants to stay beyond that and two we are awaiting the arrival of our baby who will be here before we know it. I was ok with renting somewhere if we had to but Joao wanted us to have a place to call home where we can decorate a nursery for our baby to grow up in. 

As soon as the move was confirmed we were looking at loads of houses all of which were lovely but we both fell in love with one place. It needed some updating and definitely some decorating to make it our style but we just loved the place so much that we decided that we would make it our project and do it together. I thought it would be fun to redo the place together as it will be our last big thing we do together before the baby arrives and Joao loved the idea so that's what we've been doing. 

As soon as we got the keys to the place we moved all of our things and went straight to the diy store to get loads of supplies. Walking around for the first time and looking at all the paint was a bit overwhelming but with some help from the store workers we found out what we would need and we picked it all out. While we were there we looked at all the colours we could have for the nursery but we decided to hold off on that until the rest of the house was done. By the time we had everything we had so much stuff which took ages to bring into the house especially as Joao would only let me bring in the light things like paint brushes. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Our decorating journey was put on hold after we got all the supplies as other things took over like Joao's debut for Barca and actually getting furniture for the place so we can live here properly. Now however we are officially starting our project and we have to get it done by the time the baby is due so we have a little under 4 months. Having such a strict deadline is kind of scary but I think it will motivate us to get it all done. 

Joao set an alarm last night which woke us up bright and early but it was fine as we both got up and got changed straight away so we could start right away. I was way more excited than I really should've been but it just felt so exciting to be making this house our own by ourselves without any outside help. I've always wanted to get into diy and nows my chance although taking on such a big project as my first isn't the most sensible but it's ok as it's our house so it can look however we want it to. Luckily I have done some research so I know exactly what we need to do it's just about whether we can actually do it but we'll figure that out as time goes on. 

Our first job was to wash all the walls down so they can then be painted. As there's a lot of walls to be done Joao and I needed to work together. He didn't want me going up a ladder just in case so I did the lower half of all the walls while he did the top half and the ceilings. We were having so much fun talking to each other while we had music on in the background which we were dancing to or at least I was. At some point Joao went mysteriously quiet for a bit too long but before I could look to see if he was ok I felt water being dropped on my head and down my back. Once the water stopped I looked up and Joao was laughing so hard at me that I couldn't help but laugh too as I can't lie it was a good prank. I couldn't let him get away with it though so I used the water I had and poured it on his feet to make his socks socking wet which he hates so it was good revenge. 

I won't lie we messed around as much as we worked but this is exactly why we are doing this together it's all about the memories and if that means it takes us longer then so be it. It also took us longer as I needed to take a break every so often because it was really tiring washing the walls. Joao joined me on my breaks which he said was to make sure I was ok but I think it's because he needed a break too he just wouldn't admit it. By the end of the day we had done every wall we were planning to paint throughout the entire house which really felt like an achievement. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Day two. Well more like week two something came up last weekend so we never got round to actually painting anything but this weekend any free time we have is already reserved for paining, no distractions. I've been looking forward to painting all week as currently our house is all a dim white which sure looks ok but I want some more colour. To decide what room to paint first Joao and I picked a room out of a hat and we got living room which is the room I've been looking forward to the most. My idea for this room was to re do the white paint on most walls and then we found this lovely sage green paint to go on the wall with the fireplace as an accent wall. I've been waiting ever since we got the paint to see what it would look like in real life so hopefully we can execute it well.

Joao prepared the paint while I put tape around the edges so we didn't get pain everywhere. When Joao came back he asked me to come over to him so I waddled over expecting him to show me something. I did not expect him to have a paintbrush in hand and bend down to paint something on my bump but that's exactly what he did. Luckily we had the forethought to get pregnancy safe paint which turned out to be a good idea as I'm now covered in it. 

"What have you drawn?" I asked 

"A happy face" Joao replied 

"I would ask why but there's no point" I laughed 

"I did it because I thought it would be cute if every time we paint a new room I paint something on your bump and we take a picture to remember our decoration journey" he said 

"Aww that's actually really cute" I said 

"I know sometimes I have good ideas" he said 

"You keep believing that honey" I teased while walking away with some paint 

He laughed at me before following me to help me get started on painting the accent wall with whatever paint isn't on my belly. Joao put on some music and the both of us danced and sang along to as we painted. Now I know for a fact that you should paint everything evenly and in a proper pattern but I find it much more fun to paint little smiley faces and hearts before covering them up. Joao noticed me doing it and started doing the same and then we started communicating with each other on our wall. All you could hear was our laughter over the music that had been turned down which is exactly how I want this house to be all the time. When we have our little family I want the place to be filled with laughter and happiness as often as possible as my childhood wasn't so I want to have that for my own family. 

For the rest of the day we painted every wall in the living room and then we also managed to paint the hallway. By the time we decided to stop for the day we were both covered in paint and all of my muscles were hurting especially my back. I had a bath which Joao prepared for me before I just got straight into bed as I just needed some rest. Joao joined me with some food for the both of us which we ate sat in bed before he got me to lay on my side so he could massage my back for me. I was hoping the days where this was needed would be further down the road but clearly that was too optimistic as for the last few days Joao has been having to do this for me so I can sleep. 

"We did good today I'm proud of us" I said 

"I'm proud of you, you are 6 months pregnant and spending all day painting a house that's pretty impressive" he said 

"Thank you also I appreciate you massaging my back it makes it feel so much better like I can actually move" I said 

"It's my pleasure babe remember when we found out and I promised you that I'd spend all day everyday looking after you this is part of that and it's not going to change anytime soon" he said 

~~~~~~~~~~

It's been a few months but we are finally at the point where we only have one room left to decorate the room I've been most excited about decorating, the nursery. The entire time we have been decorating the rest of the house Joao and I have been buying things for the nursery which we have been waiting to put up but we have held off until now. I was really hoping that we would get round to it quicker as I wanted to help but I'm now 8 months pregnant and really struggling to do too much each day so I won't be too much help. The one thing I have been able to do is to pick out the colour for the room with Joao's help of course. 

We decided not to find out what we were having as we don't mind if we have a boy or a girl we are just so excited to have a baby. Not knowing means it's a bit harder to decorate the nursery but I didn't spend hours on Pinterest when I couldn't sleep for nothing, this room is going to be perfect for our little one I'm sure of it. Since finding out I was pregnant I have been determined not to be one of those people that just paints their baby's room white or grey and I'm not going to be as Joao and I decided on a really nice yellow colour for the nursery as well as some wallpaper that has some other colours in it too. 

When I woke up this morning the bed was empty which freaked me out for a minute until I heard music coming from the room next door which is going to be the nursery. After a few attempts I hauled myself out of bed and waddled my way into the room where I saw a shirtless Joao up a ladder refreshing the white paint on the ceiling as we decided to keep that and just put little glow in the dark stars up when the baby gets a bit older. I must say it was a wonderful sight my handsome fiancé shirtless a with bits of paint over him as his arms flexed while dragging the paintbrush back and forth. 

"Wow what a wonderful sight for 8am" I laughed 

"Good morning love how did you sleep?" Joao asked as he got down from the ladder 

"About as well as someone who's 8 months pregnant can how are things going in here?" I asked 

"Pretty good I've almost finished the ceiling then I thought we could do the walls before I put up the wallpaper but if you're too tired I'm happy to set up the chair so you can just sit and watch" he offered 

"I want to help but I don't know how long I'll be able to help for" I said 

"And that's ok just tell me when you're tired and I'll take over" he said giving me a kiss before heading back up the ladder 

While he was getting on with finishing what he had started I took my place on the floor so I could do the lower half of the walls. This has become routine as I can't stand for too long as it hurts my feet and back so I sit down with a roller and do as much as I can reach. Actually painting is the boring part of this room so we worked pretty quickly or Joao did as I did as much of all the walls as I could but then I needed a break so I watched on as he finished everything. After that came the exciting part the part I've been looking forward to since finding out I was pregnant and moving into this house. 

All day we've been working around the tons of boxes that are in piled in the middle of the room. The boxes are filled with all of the furniture we've been buying for the baby and I'm so excited to put it all together. Joao and I have never been very good at putting furniture together for a long as I remember we've always got something wrong and had to start all over again. Today is the day we challenge that because first we are putting together the crib. My job is to read the instructions and hold things for Joao as he puts in the screws and hammers things together. We were doing so well but when we finished something didn't look right and I realised we'd put something in backwards so yet again we'd failed and had to start again. 

After finishing the crib we got started on the changing table which we actually did first try and after that we were on a roll. Everything went together so easily and before I knew it all the furniture was put together and was in a place we were happy with it. Then came the really exciting part getting to put up all the little decorations we had which were all animal themed so there was loads of stuffed animal all over the place and decals for the walls. All of the decorations really brought the room to life and helped me see us stood in here in just a few short weeks holding our little baby. 

"I can't believe there will be an actual baby in here in a few weeks" Joao commented as he came over putting his hands on my bump

"I know I can't believe it either this baby will be here soon and will be enjoying this room we've worked hard decorating for years to come it will get filled with pictures and toys it'll be amazing" I said 

"Yes it will and I can't wait for that day" Joao said giving me a kiss as our baby kicked his hands 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for retroactively cheating on my partner?

Look, I know the title sounds kinda dumb, but it was kind of the best way I could sum it up. This also might get a little long. I'm just trying to give the context it needs that I feel sorta led me to the decisions I made.

I (22M) went on my first vacation with my partner (25F) last summer. Our vacation was to a relatively local spot not too far out of the city that's decently popular. We'd been dating at that point for around 18 months, though a lot of our dating had been done online cuz of the whole global pandemic thing. When the restrictions started loosening she started getting pushy about me moving in. This caused some tension between us, but it always kind of fizzled out. I still lived with my dad at that point. I'd never moved in with her, since I always wanna be really absolutely sure about these things beforehand, and I'll admit to viewing our week long vacation as sort of a trial run for maybe, one day, taking that step. All of this is just context for the fact that I was really serious about her. It was also the first real adult relationship that I'd been in.

If it was meant to be a trial for moving in, the vacation probably brought to the surface all the issues that I'd had with her. It was seriously a disaster. Our first day was great, but she spent a lot of the next two days taking calls from work and having some "alone time". I was really pissed off on the third day, waking up to ask if she wanted to go swimming, and having her tell me she was up for hours, and if I wanted to go I should've talked to her earlier. I suggested things we could do together, and we did eat lunch together and go to the pool, but she wasn't at all interested in doing anything else with me. After lunch, she sort of disappeared, so I went to the bar myself and considered texting her to join me. I got distracted talking to a guy, and soon enough we were super invested in the conversation together.

For context, I'm probably somewhere on the bi/pan end of things, but I grew up and continued living in a close minded small town. Especially last year, I was very much not out, not comfortable with people seeing me as in any way lgbtq adjacent, and still holding onto a lot more internalised stuff than I was willing to admit to.

This guy (who I'll call R) and I hit it off. We had lots in common, and he was fun to hang around with, and a good listener. I won't lie, I did find him pretty physically attractive, but naturally, it wasn't a huge issue. I've never had a problem being faithful, it's something I value over anything else in a relationship. When I spoke to my girlfriend about him later, she make some teasing remarks towards me about him being my "boyfriend". I was extremely sensitive about this, and snapped at her, to which she called me oversensitive and complained I never understand her jokes. I, being more mean than I should've been, told her she should try being funny, and she just called me misogynistic, which I resented, so I walked out, and came back later when I was sure she was asleep.

The next day, she shut me off completely, which I understood. I apologised, but I appreciated that she needed some space. I ended up meeting R at the pool again. We went for a hike, which took longer than expected, and made it home at dinner, which we got together. He insisted on paying in full, and we had a fun time, walking back to the hotel together. He told me he was leaving that evening, and I offered to help him pack. We got into his room, I helped him pack, we talked, traded socials, and, eventually, just out of the blue, I kissed him. I don't really know why, but it was nothing more than a chaste kiss, and I panicked and left.

The rest of the trip with my girlfriend was mostly us keeping to ourselves, and while we made up, there was definitely an atmosphere. The atmosphere just stayed. We broke up in October, for reasons unrelated directly to the vacation.

However, my issue is that from the vacation to when my gf and I broke up, R and I were dming each other. Objectively,it wasn't anything romantic or sexual, no nudes, nothing like that. We would just talk like we always did. We decided to try out dating in February of this year, and so far, its been great - he's genuinely a brilliant partner, we have far less conflicts, we sort things out quicker, and we generally seem to mesh much better than I did with my ex. But being with him has sort of taught me that what I valued him for when we were just talking is also what I mostly value him for now that we're dating - his good listening, his great sense of humour, the fact he just seems to get me. I could be overthinking things, but I can't shake this weird feeling that while I was with my ex I was somehow having all the trappings of another relationship whilst not indulging in the traditional markers of one. It just doesn't feel right to me. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[giveafike]

Hi can you write Elliot euphoria and YN have a camping indoors sleepover that leads to more than just friends. Extra smutty please 🤭

TLDR: Elliot and Y/N planned a "camping trip" during college vacation and well, one thing led to another and...

Word count + info: 2.1k THIS ONE IS LONGGGG! Dialogue (it’s mostly sex talk and them being silly goofy guys). Female college!readerxElliot (no specifications).

Warnings + Content Ahead: NSFW this is 18+ MDNI, 420 mentioned, biting, oral sex, no protection (smh), lotta making out and mouth stuff, thigh riding 🤭 I think that’s it!

Azzie Notes ✚: Chat we are so back! sorry I took so long bro, IRL has been soo fkin messy atm but I just needed to write and get back on here. Why is my inbox ovulating so hard tho 😭  guys lets be demure too (kidding I need dom more than ever before now that Dominic has gone MIA)I hope u enjoy it's been a while! I also mentioned Euphoria like,.. the actual word and geeked out a bit go try n find it and geek out w me

————————————————————————

When It Rains, It Pours - D.F.

“Oh, dude you’ve got to be fuckin' kidding me” He huffs.

There you both were, like two idiots holding hamper baskets with blankets, snacks, rolling papers, and small pillows, staring out the glass door into the backyard as rain poured down heavy, the sound of wind whistling as the drops hit the windowed door hard.

You and Elliot had spent many summers “camping” in his backyard since High School and since college had separated your time together, what better way to reunite than kicking off summer in your hometown by camping? Only this year, you both promised to save up and go somewhere this time, but alas, it was just you, Elliot, his empty house and, the torrential rain outside. You both stood in matching tartan shorts and your graduation grey t-shirts from high school like a bunch of losers.

You sigh as you set down your hamper. “So much for that camping trip, huh?” you smirk, biting a smile down.

He sets his hamper basket down too and rummages through it to find his rolling paper and his little bag of weed. “Can’t believe our fuckin’ luck man” He murmurs angrily as he fumbles his papers up.

You sigh and reach over, grabbing his now crumpled paper, and, plop yourself down on the beanbag by the door before rolling his blunt for him. He sighs and sits on the floor between your legs, placing his chin on your knee before looking up at your face, and tucking some hair behind your ear.

“I missed this- I mean I missed you, ya know? Seeing your Instagram Stories and FaceTiming isn’t the same, you even look different. I really wanted to have something to remind you of me, like old times sake sort of thing, whatever that shit means” he mumbles, before pressing his cheek onto your knee, avoiding eye contact.

Your eyes widen at his confession and you stop in your tracks, your fingers moving away from the paper to his face, bringing his eyes back to look at you. Elliot had a lot messed up but one thing was for sure; he always had your back and was always there whenever you needed him.

You both were messed up together, he was your first kiss accidentally, you accidentally smoked weed together, and you both accidentally spent the night in a jail cell after trying to joyride an old car, only to end up crashing that same car within the span of a few minutes since neither of you could drive. Something about those accidents made your heart flutter and kept you around Elliot closer rather than push you away, even though your parents didn’t exactly take it well. Now, after spending almost 8 months away, you were worried Elliot felt like he was slipping away.

“Elli, you’ll always have me, you know that right? Like, you’ve fucked me up so bad that we have a trauma bond, you can’t expect me to slip away, dude. A-And remember one time it rained like this and we made an indoor fort? How ‘bout we do that then, yeah? We have all the stuff for it, the weed and all.” You smile, hoping to get a small laugh out of him as you hold his head, his eyes boring into yours while your fingers coil around his blonde-tipped hair.

He sighs and closes his eyes softly, before nodding, grunting as he gets up. He looks down at you before you lift your head to meet his gaze. Elliot lowers himself to plant kisses on your forehead with an overwhelming tenderness that sends shivers down your spine. It turns almost possessive as he trails it down to your cheek and peppers it with long kisses. Your breath hitches and you feel like melting under his touch. You had never felt a simple kiss to be so sensual but here you were, shivering with your breath hitching. He brings his mouth to your ear, his breath slow and almost ragged.

“If you left me, Y/N, I don’t know what I’d do...” His breath is ragged against your skin as he nips at your earlobe before abruptly standing upright again. He digs into his pockets as he walks over and attends to unpacking the hampers, acting nonchalant despite the raw passion still coursing through him. Elliot has kissed and touched you before, albeit while high, but something felt so different, so desperate at this moment.

You try to shrug it off as you roll a few more blunts before crawling inside the now-built fort Elliot had made. He sits on his knees as he puts up some string lights and fluffs up some pillows before resting on his elbows and leaning back. You sit in front of him, holding a blunt between your lips. He can’t help but smile as he brings his old lighter up to you, setting it alight and bringing his face close. The first hit in your lungs feels like home as you exhale with a giggle, blowing the smoke directly into his face. His eyes narrow playfully as he leans in, not breaking eye contact. Instead of simply taking the blunt, his lips brush against yours—soft, lingering—before catching the blunt between them. The kiss is brief but electric, the blunt slipping from your mouth to his as his lips hover close, teasing. For a moment, his face stays just inches from yours, the warmth of his breath mingling with the haze of smoke.

It’s like you’re in his pocket and he’s in yours, both of you wrapped around each others’ fingers. Your back is almost pressed to his, your face tilted up to look at his while his hands wrap around your waist, under your shirt and the waistband of your shorts feeling your smooth skin. It must’ve been 20 minutes when you decide to put the blunt to the side on a small tray and reach up to his face, this time parting his mouth for a kiss. It’s lazy and relaxed as you shift your body to straddle his thigh, your tongue slipping in. Elliot moans into the kiss, holding your hip with one hand and gripping your hair tight with the other.

You grind and gyrate on his thigh, your hands pulling at his curls; you knew he went crazy for hair tugs. His lips trail your neck, his tongue and teeth trailing and gnawing as he laps the length from your collarbone to your earlobe. You let out a whimper as you continue to buck against his thigh, desperate for more. You pull away, pressing your forehead to his.

“Elli, please… don’t hold back” you murmur, pleading as you heave.

He doesn’t answer, instead, he nods and takes his hand under your t-shirt to lift it up and over your head in one swift motion before connecting his lips back to yours. You gasp as you feel the cold air hit your naked torso, the sensation fresh with the sound of you making out with rain noises in the background and the smell of marijuana burning away. It all feels so right, so real.

His head dips between the valley of your breasts, suckling while holding eye contact, lazily moving his mouth over your breast, gliding the tip of his tongue in painful slow circles before taking your nipple between your teeth. His eyes look into yours with pure innocence and attentiveness, as you moan and hold his head there, roaming his curls as you continue to rock back and forth on his thigh, desperately trying for some friction for your now soaking core. You roll his t-shirt up and take it off his torso, throwing it to the side.

Elliot holds you and places you down on the pillow and the mess of bedsheets covering the wooden floor. He leans down, planting soft kisses from the nape of your neck to the edge of your waistband. He perks up to look at you with those sweet eyes you can never get enough of.

“You’re stunning, you know that, Y/N? You always have been.” He whispers shyly before tugging at your waistband looking for approval.

You nod and lift your hips up as he pulls your shorts and underwear off in one swift motion, discarding them outside of the fort. Elliot almost groans at the sight of you completely naked, his eyes filled with desire and admiration. He grabs the blunt placed on the tray and takes a long drag. Smoke billows from his lips and drifts towards your glistening center, making you shiver with anticipation. You moan at the sensation, feeling a wave of heat rush through your body. His head dips down while he kisses your inner thighs, licking softly. He kisses your core, right on your bud making you gasp. Elliot gently spreads your lips, taking one long lick up, circling over your bud. Something about how easy and purposeful he was being had made this all the more arousing, loud moans and encouragement rolling out from your lips begging him to keep going.

Elliot eats you out as if it's his sole duty, his purpose in life, and takes his sweet time to savour you, to thrust his tongue in and out of you, to drink you up until it brings your next orgasm, and then do it all over again. His hand thumbs your breast, the other holding your hips down as you continuously buck up for each wave of pleasure he gives you that ripples through your body. Elliot reaches down to free his member as he carries you through yet another orgasm, this time jerking himself off in slow, lazy strokes, dedicating himself to you first.

As you come down from your orgasm, you feel like you’re seeing stars, everything is flowing perfectly and harmoniously for the first time in a long time. You prop yourself up on your elbows as you watch him gently guide himself to your wet core. Elliot rubs his head up and down before thrusting in, watching your face for any sign of discomfort or displeasure. You grab his shoulder with one hand and bite your lip, nodding to ask him to keep going. He pushes in further, bottoming out inside of you entirely. Your tight hole twitches around his member, adjusting to his size as he slowly moves out, before pounding back in.

It doesn’t take much for Elliot to lose control and find himself relentlessly thrusting into you, roughly gripping a hand to your breast as he moves at a furious pace. You let out provocative giggles and purrs, further fueling his intense desire as he thrusts in and out of you. The fort feels humid, the sound of rain and skin slapping filling the room. Your body craves this, needing more and more as every thrust sends a wave of pleasure through your entire body. Elliot's red eyes are locked on yours, his face contorted with pure passion, your name spilling out like a prayer. You wrap your legs around his waist, urging him to go even deeper. His breath hitches as he pounds into you, his hips bucking wildly. The smell of sweat and sex fills the air as he continues to pound, his name echoing from your lips with every thrust.

As you near the edge, you can feel yourself tightening around him, squeezing each time he slams into you. Elliot grabs your hips, holding you tightly as he thrusts faster and harder, his eyes locked on yours. His face is a mix of passion and desperation, knowing you are about to shatter beneath him. And then it happens. You both reach your peaks, sending a jolt of euphoria through the both of you before collapsing, rocking together in one final attempt to ride out your highs. Your nails dig roughly into his shoulder as Elliot bites down on yours, your arms holding him as he lies on top of you before he pulls out and falls to your side. You both breathe out with your mouths dry and skin slick with sweat as you stare up at the bedsheet lined fort ceiling covered in string lights.

Elliot sits up to lazily grab the blunt from the tray, accidentally brushing past one of the fort supports. He pauses for a moment, before exhaling and lying back, taking a drag before handing it to you, smiling.

“You know, for a second there I thought I fuckin’ ruined the momen-” He’s cut off by the fort caving in, entangling you both in sheets. You can’t even be mad at him, he just accidentally crashed his own fort after making your legs shake. God knows how the rest of the night goes, but at least it’s spent with good, old Elli.

[aylacavebear]

The Traveler - Chapter 8 - Earth, 2013 pt 2

You're from a specific dimension, Solaris Eclipse. It was a dimension of magic. When your kind, the Eldrathiren, turned fifteen, your unique power would awaken within you. Most times, it was something small, levitation, teleportation, creation, elemental manipulation, and things like that. Once in a while, a fifteen-year-old would just disappear, and those were called Travelers. None of them had ever returned. Your parents had told you stories about them, and you hoped that wouldn't happen to you.

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. Will probably be 18+ I haven't decided yet!

Word Count: 6024

Pairing Eventually Dean Winchester x OC Reader/You & Sam Winchester x OC Reader/You

Warnings: Angst, fluff, some alcohol use. A/N: Don't think there's anything else in this one. It's fairly relaxed.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 8 - Earth, 2013 pt. 2

The Borhter’s POV

Dean dragged his hand over his face once he closed your door, then headed to the library where Sam was sitting, having another beer, “It’s not fair,” he grumbled. 

“She needs this time to recuperate, Dean. It's not fair to any of us. We don’t even know where Y/N from our time is right now. What dimension she ended up in,” Sam told him, then sighed.

Dean poured himself another glass of whiskey before he sat across from his brother, “This is gonna be a lot harder than I thought it would be. I have to keep reminding myself she’s only sixteen and doesn’t know how we all are together.”

Sam glanced toward the hallway where the rooms were, “She doesn’t look sixteen. That last world was hard on her.” He sipped his beer as the silence spread between them for a bit. “Let's just try to help her remember what laughter is.”

“Not gonna be as easy not being able to touch her,” Dean chuckled, smirking with the thoughts dancing through his mind.

“Hey, I’m trying not to think about that, and you’re not helping,” Sam tried to sound stern but couldn’t keep from chuckling.

“It’s also not gonna be easy sleeping,” Dean somewhat groaned.

“We’ll just have to think of it like when she has her alone nights,” Sam said, glancing over at his brother.

“I have a hard time sleeping those nights. Don’t tell her when she comes back, though. She’ll feel guilty and end up wanting to comfort me instead of taking the alone time she needs,” he told his brother seriously.

“I won’t tell her. I promise. I’m gonna go take care of her clean stuff. Don’t overdo it on the whiskey. You know she’ll be able to smell it on you in the morning,” Sam warned his brother before he headed to the laundry room.

Dean pulled out his wallet, then the picture of you he’d taken when you were seventeen and had come back for the first time, smiling as he got lost in the memory. He let his thumb gently glide across your cheek in the picture. You were in the middle of laughing at a joke he’d told you at Bobby’s. It was the day he realized he was in love with you.

“Dude, how long have you been staring at her picture?” Sam asked, setting your things down on the library table.

Dean quickly slipped the picture back into his wallet, leaning back in his chair, “Not that long. Just pulled it out.”

“Sure ya did,” Sam teased him, knowing he’d probably been staring at it the entire time he’d been gone.

“Bitch,” Dean retorted.

“Jerk,” Sam chuckled, “I’m heading to bed. Don’t beat yourself up. She’ll be back. She always comes back to us.”

“I know,” Dean mumbled, sipping his whiskey.

Sam headed to his room, knowing there was nothing he could do or say that could ease the pain his brother was going through. This wasn’t the first time they’d gone through the heartache of missing you due to your shifting. Since Sam had turned eighteen, the two of them had been trying to figure out a way to help you stay in one dimension. Up until this point, they hadn’t been able to find anything. Sam had been hoping the bunker would hold some secret spell buried somewhere in all the lore it held.

----------------------------------------- Your POV

With this place having no windows and you not knowing how to read a clock, you had no idea what time it was when you woke up. You stretched, then just laid there for a bit, enjoying the softness of the mattress and pillow. Due to the last world you had been in, you weren’t entirely sure how many hours of sleep you would get at a time, as there was no way to tell time in that place.

You pushed the blankets off, got out of bed, and headed toward the library. Neither of the brothers were there, so you headed to the kitchen. They weren’t there either. Then you checked the garage, but the car was still there, so they hadn’t left.

Where are they?

The only way you were going to be able to tell what time it was was if you went outside and you knew it. That, or attempt to find the brothers’ separate rooms and see if they were still sleeping. Sighing, you made your way up the stairs and then to the door that led outside. Opening the door, you couldn’t see any light, and glancing toward the sky, you could still see the stars twinkling in the darkness.

After closing the door, you headed back to your room, grabbing your bag and the small pile of clothes on your way. Although, you weren’t tired. How little sleep had you gotten used to having in the last world you’d been in? Your new goal for the day was learning to read a clock. You set your stuff on top of the small desk in the room, then headed back out to the library. There were so many books lining the shelves. You were sure they were filled with all sorts of fantastic information, but since you didn’t know how to read English, all you could do was admire them. You plucked one from where it was nestled on the shelf and opened it, smiling a little as your fingers danced lightly across the page filled with words. The scent of the old book almost circled around you, and you almost chuckled.

“Sam’s scent,” you mumbled, smiling a little.

You sat down at one of the library tables and slowly flipped through the book. It had some pictures but without the explanation, you didn’t know exactly what you were looking at.

“You’re up early,” Sam said, somewhat surprised as he stopped when he saw you in the library.

“I’ve been up for a while,” you replied as you looked over at him, “Will you teach me how to read a clock?”

He chuckled, “You really are adorable, Y/N. Yeah. I can teach you how to read a clock. Lemme get some coffee.” 

You felt a slight warmth in your cheeks when he called you adorable, and you weren’t entirely sure what to say in return. As he walked away, you closed the book and returned it to where you’d found it, then sat back down and attempted to wait patiently for Sam to return. 

Now on the fifth go around with numbers, several pieces of paper, Sam’s laptop open with a clock on it, you were slightly frustrated.

“Why does this seem so difficult?” you grumbled.

“What are you two up to?” Dean asked, finally awake and in the war room.

“Numbers are annoying,” you grumbled again, laying your head on your arms on the table.

“Sam, did you try with coins?” Dean asked.

“No. I was trying to teach her what the numbers were, not how to count,” Sam told him in a slightly smart-ass way.

“I got you, Sweetheart,” Dean told you, “Lemme grab some coffee real quick.”

When Dean returned, he had a cup of coffee and a box. He sat down on the other side of you, smiling.

“How are dominos going to help her learn numbers?” Sam asked, both confused but also amused.

“You’ll see,” Dean chuckled as he dumped the dominos out of the box.

You sat up a little, watching Dean. He was grouping the small rectangular objects with dots on them. Then he took some of the paper, drew numbers on them, and then put one of the objects under the number. 

“Okay, Sweetheart. Technically, these are called dominos, but right now, that doesn’t matter. I know you can count. This will help you make the correlation,” he chuckled.

Dean continued to explain his concept to you as you tilted your head in curiosity. He started at the first one. The domino had a single dot on it, and the paper had a number. Once you caught onto his concept, it was reasonably straightforward. The amount of dots equaled the number on the page. Sam just shook his head at how his brother had taught you numbers.

They did get a little complicated after ten, but with some practice, you picked it up quickly. Dean grabbed Sam’s laptop and explained how the numbers were divided by the hour and the minutes and had your wrapped attention. Once you were able to tell him the time consistently, you threw your arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

“Thank you, Dean,” you told him happily, “Now I’m hungry.”

He chuckled, hugging you back, “You’re welcome, Sweetheart.”

Once you disappeared into the kitchen, Ssam turned toward his brother, “I can’t believe you taught her numbers with dominos,” he chuckled, thoroughly amused.

“It worked, didn’t it?” he asked, rather proud of himself.

Before Sam could answer, you poked your head out of the hallway for the kitchen, “Umm, I kinda need some help with what's okay to eat.”

“I’ll help her with breakfast. You’ll try to make her eat salad or something,” Dean told Sam before he joined you in the kitchen.

You followed him to the fridge, curiously attempting to see what he was getting out, but when he backed up, he bumped into you.

“Tell you what. Have a seat on the island there, and you can watch, okay?” he told you, trying not to chuckle at how adorable he found your curiosity.

“Okay,” you sighed. 

You hopped up onto the island but occasionally had to move to see what he was doing. You were careful, though, to avoid bumping into what he had placed on the island. The familiar scent of bacon wafted through the air, causing you to purr. You weren’t quite sure what the other two things were, but they smelled delicious as well.

“Alright, have a seat at the table,” he told you, plating up what he had cooked.

“What is it?” you asked, moving to the table.

“I give you bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns with two pieces of toast,” he explained, setting the plate down in front of you.

Your eyes followed the plate and widened when you saw the deliciousness in front of you, “Looks yummy.”

“Dig in, Sweetheart,” he chuckled before he began cleaning up.

He could hear you purring from across the kitchen as he cleaned and you ate. He was also missing the you from this time but refused to let it show. Dean knew you couldn’t feel the connection and that you wouldn’t feel it fully until Sam hit eighteen. 

You happily ate, enjoying the new food, especially when you ate some of it all together. At least now, you could tell time here, and you planned on figuring out how long you normally slept for. Once you finished eating, you took the dishes over to the sink. You’d watched how Dean had washed the other things, so decided to attempt washing yours.

“What are you doing?” Dean asked, slightly puzzled.

“Helping,” you mumbled, messing with the nobs on the sink.

He chuckled and walked over to you, “This one’s hot, that one is cold. You need hot water to wash dishes with so it gets all the food off,” he explained gently.

“I know how to wash dishes. It’s just a little different in your world than mine,” you told him, using the scents in the air to direct you to the soap and sponge.

Dean leaned against the counter and watched you, arms crossed. The hot water was hotter than you had expected, so you had to turn on some of the cold one so it didn’t burn your hands. You wondered why Sam had stayed in the library but didn’t ask. Your mind wandered for a moment.

Two mates…

“You okay?” Dean asked.

“Yeah. Sorry. I got lost in thought,” you replied, putting the now clean dishes into the drainer with the others.

“Whatcha thinkin' about?” he asked fairly curiously.

“Just stuff you don’t want to tell me about,” you answered plainly as you dried your hands on a towel nearby.

Dean sighed, “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not mad. It just sucks,” you replied, now looking up at him, “So, now what? You said I was here for two weeks.”

“I’m not sure, really,” he answered, looking like he was attempting to think of something.

You giggled at the face he was making, “Let’s go see if Sam has any suggestions.”

Dean rolled his eyes but followed you to the library, “Sam, got any suggestions for what the three of us could do while Y/N is here?” 

“Hmm,” Sam hummed, now thinking as you and Dean sat down in the library. 

You noticed how Sam had cleaned the things up from when Dean taught you about numbers and how to read time here. While Sam thought, your mind wandered again.

When does it happen? Am I in their world when they feel it? How do I get back to the right time? Where do I end up after this shift? Why do they have to smell so good? How would two mates even work? Do they get jealous of each other? 

Too many questions with no answers. You knew you couldn’t ask them. They already wouldn’t give you answers you wanted. As your thoughts traveled down a very intimate path, Sam finally spoke, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Well, we could teach you to read English so you can read some of the books. Then there are games we could play that you might like,” Sam shared, using his memories of her future self and the things they’d all done in the past.

“We could spar a little,” Dean chuckled, causing you to raise an eyebrow.

“You sure you wanna do that?” you asked, not completely understanding what he was suggesting.

“You might learn something on how to defend yourself better. Plus, it’s all in a friendly way. We wouldn’t be doing it to hurt each other,” he explained.

After mulling over what they had both suggested, you opted for learning to read English, at least to start with. Dean grumbled a little, so you told him that when you needed a break, you’d want to try the sparing with him. Seeing him smile like a happy child made you giggle.

Sam moved so that he was sitting next to you with his laptop open. You watched as he pressed the keys, and things changed on the screen. Learning how to read wasn’t too tricky, as you had picked up speaking English quickly on your first visit to Earth. He started with simple words and worked up to harder, more complicated ones.

Four or so hours later, Dean was beyond bored, and you could tell. Sam had switched from the laptop to several different lore books from the bookshelves. You found reading fascinating, along with the information the books held. A plate being set on top of the pages you were reading caused you to look up seeing Dean.

“Figured you were hungry. It’s past lunch,” he told you, attempting a smile.

“Oh. Uh, thanks, and I’m sorry. I’m not used to paying attention to time,” you replied, feeling bad.

Dean sighed and sat next to you, “Don’t feel bad. I just wanted to spar with you today, but you looked so happy reading, I didn’t want to ask.”

You gave him a small, happy smile, “Then after I eat, we’ll spar,” you replied, then looked at Sam, “Are you coming too?”

“Sure,” Sam chuckled, shaking his head in amusement.

The sandwich was delicious. You had really missed Earth food, and this one was new, with new items and flavors that made you purr as you ate. Dean had even brought you a soda. The bubbles it had, which Dean explained was carbonation, tickled your nose, making you giggle. The belch you released caused both brothers to laugh.

“Ready?” Dean asked, getting up from his seat.

“Definitly,” you replied with a mischievous smirk.

You followed Dean while Sam followed you to the gym. As Dean opened the door, your eyes widened with awe at everything inside the room. You had seen it when he’d given you the tour the day before, but this time, you were able to look at all the objects in the room. Everything was placed neatly around the room. You only vaguely knew what these items were, as you’d seen most of them on TV on your first visit to Earth.

Dumbbells and barbells of varying sizes were neatly organized on racks along the walls. Vintage boxing equipment adorned one corner of the room, its weathered leather and polished wood exuding a sense of timeless nostalgia. Heavy punching bags hung lifeless from the ceiling, their surfaces worn smooth from countless rounds of training and sparring.

In the center of the room, several thick mats lay on the floor, ready for sparring between the brothers and now you. Dean slipped off his shoes, as did Sam before they walked onto the mat. So, taking that as a queue, you did the same. 

You felt giddy as a sense of anticipation coursed through your body, watching the brothers for a moment. They had no idea what you’d learned in the last two places you’d been, or at least, you hoped they didn’t know. It would at least give you an advantage, even if this was just for fun. 

“You ready for this, kitty cat?” Dean teased, a playful glint in his eyes.

Your ears twitched in amusement at the nickname, your tail swishing behind you in anticipation, “Bring it on, Winchester,” you retorted, voice laced with determination and playfulness.

At least it would be one-on-one, as you weren’t sure you could manage both of them at the same time. You and Dean nodded in agreement before you both lunged forward simultaneously. Your movements were a blur of speed and agility. However, your cat-like abilities gave you the upper hand.

Dodging Dean’s hits and attempted grapples was simpler than you had expected, and you wondered if he was going easy on you. So, after dodging yet another punch, your muscles coiled like a spring as you countered with a swift kick to his side. Hoping back a couple of steps, you smirked, looking at him.

He grunted as Sam chuckled. Dean stumbled back a bit, but his grin widened into a smirk, “Not bad,” he admitted, his eyes alight with excitement, “But let’s see what you’ve got.”

“Sure you aren’t going easy on me, Winchester,” you chuckled, distracting him with your words.

Wasting no time, you launched another attack, your movements fluid and precise as you danced around Dean’s defenses with practiced ease. Your cat-like agility allowed you to move with lightning-fast reflexes, darting in and out of his reach with grace and finesse. You found it fairly fun to just tap his body instead of actually hitting him. Just showing him you had the ability was far more amusing.

The few hits Dean did get in were light in comparison to things you’d fought before. Although, you were still fairly certain he was going easy on you. He did manage to block several of your jabs, but it taught you how he moved, making further hits far easier.

“Pretty sure she’s up on hits, Dean,” Sam chuckled from the sideline.

Dean refused to take his eyes off you, watching how you moved, “Shut up, Sam.”

In one last swift movement, you knocked his feet out from under him, chuckling as he landed flat on his back, “That the best you’ve got, Winchester?” 

All he did was smirk as he grabbed your leg, pulling you to the ground with him, where he attempted to pin you, “Just a friendly sparing match, Sweetheart.”

You smirked, not only getting out of his hold but turning things around so that you were now pinning him, “Still think you’re going easy on me.”

“All right. That’s enough for one day,” Sam chuckled.

“What? Worried I’ll pin you too?” you asked Sam, not taking your eyes off Dean.

“Alright, Sweetheart, let me up,” Dean chuckled.

You rolled your eyes, letting go of him and moving so he could stand. You had no idea that he knew your weaknesses, although he wasn’t going to use any of them. You were far too young for him to use those particular tactics this time.

“No. Just figured we could all relax with a movie before dinner,” Sam chuckled again as he slipped on his shoes.

“I like movies,” you replied happily, picking up your shoes so you could just toss them into your room. Walking around in socks was far more fun as you could slide across the smooth floor of the bunker.

Halfway through the movie, you looked over at Dean, who was to your right in the chair again, debating the question you’d been thinking about since you’d gotten there. “Do you know where I’m going to end up after here?”

Dean paused the movie and looked over at you, as had Sam, “All I can tell you is that it won’t be as bad as the last place. You still have to be careful, though,” he answered, hating he couldn’t tell you more.

You sighed and looked back at the TV screen, so he pushed play as the brothers shared a silent conversation through their expressions.

Dean again carried you to your bed that night, as you hadn’t wanted to go to sleep after one movie, and left you with Sam to watch another while he had made dinner. The three of you even ate while watching the movie.

That first week passed quickly, too quickly for you. There was laughter, teasing with light banter and jokes, and there were too many times when you’d get quiet or they would. It was those awkward moments you wanted answers for. 

You also realized you had horrible sleeping habits. Some nights, when you’d go to sleep, you’d sleep for six hours; other times, it was only a couple, and you’d end up needing to nap during the day. It took almost that whole first week to fix that, so you were sleeping all night. On the nights you were awake, you’d spend your time in the library, reading the lore books.

During those times when you’d read, your mind drifted to your interactions with the brothers. The way they would look at you when they thought you weren’t paying attention. Their scent was also different from the last time you’d seen them. They always acted as though they wanted to be closer to you but were keeping their distance on purpose.

That second week, Dean introduced you to his music. Due to your hearing, he couldn’t turn it up as loud as he usually would have. He did watch you, though, as you listened to the words and the beat, adoration in his eyes and a soft smile. Sam chuckled, watching the two of you. Some of his music you really enjoyed. The ones with an upbeat sound made you want to move your body along with it. The slow ones weren’t your favorites, but you listened to them because you were curious as to what they were about and why Dean liked them.

When you asked Sam about the kind of music he liked, Dean just rolled his eyes. Then, he went to make some food while Sam shared some of his favorites with you. You noticed Sam had more love songs mixed in with lighter rock music, some country, and more recent things. Some of the songs were even sweet, making you smile a little.

“There’s nothing like that where I’m from,” you told the brothers as the three of you ate some lunch Dean had prepared.

“There’s probably nothing like it in any dimension that isn’t similar to Earth,” Dean chuckled.

“Is there any more pie?” you asked curiously, but also wanting to change the subject. You could tell that the brothers didn’t completely agree on music.

“Sorry, Sweetheart. You had the last slice a few days ago,” Dean answered, feeling a bit bad that they were out.

“I can go make a run, pick some up,” Sam offered, knowing his brother needed this time with you more than he did. He also had far more patience than Dean did.

“Really?” you replied, your ears perking up at Sam’s words.

Sam chuckled, “Yeah, really.”

You jumped up from your seat, quickly going over to Sam and hugging him tightly, overjoyed. “Thank you.”

He gently put his arm around you, holding you close rather than hugging you. “You’re welcome.” There was also a softness in his tone and his touch, which you didn’t miss. It made all those questions circle through your mind again. You watched Sam head to the garage before you sighed and sat back down, confused and mildly frustrated.

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked you from across the table.

“Just questions you won’t answer,” you grumbled.

“Sweetheart,” Dean sighed sadly.

“I know. You can’t tell me stuff. It just sucks, that’s all,” you replied quietly, fidgeting with your fingers.

“Come on. Let’s play a game,” he offered, trying to brighten your mood and change the subject.

You tilted your head at his suggestion, puzzled but also curious as your ears perked up. He went over to a shelf on the far side of the library and grabbed a rectangular box before sitting back across from you, smiling like a little kid. You found him looking fairly adorable at that moment.

“This is a game called Sorry. Since you can read now, it should be easy enough to follow along,” he explained.

Dean explained the rules and that you had to pick a color for the pieces that would be yours. So, you chose blue, and he chose red. The two of you played the game, and you got the hang of it quickly, realizing you did have a bit of a competitive side, which the game brought out. You were on the second game, halfway through it, when Sam returned with the pie.

Before you could tackle him with another hug and grab the bag containing the item you wanted, he held it above his head, causing you to pout.

“I’ll put a slice on a plate for you. You can’t have the whole thing in one sitting,” he told you, attempting to keep from chuckling as you tried to reach the bag he held over his head. Perhaps if you weren’t 5’2”, you might have been able to reach it better.

“Come on, Sam. Let her have the pie. One time won’t hurt her,” Dean chuckled, trying to persuade his brother.

“You’re as bad as she is,” Sam chuckled, finding you rather amusing as you still were attempting to reach the bag.

“Pwease,” you begged, pouting slightly, trying to give him those kitten eyes.

It took everything in Dean not to lose it laughing as Sam sighed, giving in and handing you the bag that contained the pie. You were acting like an adorable kid, and he couldn’t tell you no when you looked at him like that; neither of them could. You may not have known that at the time, but you’d learn later on.

“Lemme get you a fork,” Sam chuckled.

You were grinning from ear to ear as you sat back down, pulling the pie out of the bag and setting it on the table in front of you. The aroma filled our senses when you opened the package, closing your eyes to commit it to memory. You were so lost in enjoying the apple pie in front of you that you’d completely forgotten about the game you and Dean had been playing.

“So, you want to take your turn or just eat your pie?” Dean asked through a chuckle, making you giggle.

“We can keep playing,” you answered, then took another bite of pie before taking your turn.

Throughout the rest of the day, the three of you played different board games. Though, Dean suggested you cook with him when dinner time rolled around. The way the stove worked fascinated you. He didn’t have to build a fire or get the coals to the amount needed for whatever needed cooking. This thing, you just turned a nob, and the fire appeared under the burner. Then, you could adjust it to the strength you needed the flame. Yeah, you’d watched him cook before, but this was the closest you’d been to the stove so far when he started.

“I’m gonna teach you how to make those burgers you like so much,” he explained.

Smiling like a little kid again, you opened the fridge and pulled out the things you’d seen him grab before when he cooked these things. Like bacon and ground meat. Then, there were the toppings that he cut up, along with cheese.

“Somebody’s eager,” he laughed, watching you.

“I love these things. No other place has had anything like this,” you admitted, still smiling as you placed the items on the island for him.

Dean explained every step as he did it, starting with putting the ground meat in a medium-sized bowl and then adding the spices before mixing them into the meat. You helped him form the patties, watching carefully how he did it so you could mimic the outcome.

After washing your hands, Dean explained the cooking process, starting the burgers in one pan and the bacon in another. He even came up behind you, holding your hands gently. He showed you how to hold onto the handle of the pan while flipping the burgers with the spatula in your other hand.

It felt nice to be close to him, comforting in a way. He didn’t stay there long, though, before he leaned against the island and sipped his beer, just watching you cook.

He began slicing up the toppings, and you wanted to help with that, too. So, he explained how thick things needed to be, and you grabbed the onion, following his directions. The onion made your eyes and nose water, which was somewhat annoying but made Dean chuckle. Sam had even come to watch the two of you from the kitchen doorway, smiling softly at the scene of the two of you.

“Smells amazing,” Sam said with a smile as he finally joined the two of you once it was done cooking.

“She’s a quick learner,” Dean smirked, watching you plate up a burger for yourself.

“It helps when I have a good teacher,” you smiled, looking at the two of them, plate in hand. “Are we watching another movie or eating at the kitchen table tonight?”

“We can do another movie. How about an action one this time?” Dean asked.

“I think that’d be okay,” you replied, then headed toward the room with the huge TV.

And that was how most of the second week went. Dean taught you how to cook, the three of you played board games and watched movies, and the two of them taught you a few new things, one of which was how to use a gun and how it worked. Since you knew how to read at this point and had read several of the lore books, they also taught you what killed what in their world. 

You woke one morning, near the end of the second week, feeling a pull toward something. It wasn’t the scent you’d been following. No, this was a different sort of feeling. You dressed, then made sure your bag was packed with all your belongings, including the new things the brothers had given you. 

I don’t want to leave, but I know I can’t stay.

It was early, just after seven, when you set your belongings on one of the library tables. The oddest thing about this particular visit to Earth was that you hadn’t gotten any abilities like you had in the other worlds. 

Perhaps it’s because this is the future here and not the present time?

Your ears drooped as that familiar scent drifted along the air.

Almost time…

Now, all you had to do was wait until the brothers woke up and came into the library. You knew that if you walked out of that room, you’d end up in another dimension. That was how it always happened. The scent would come, and you’d walk through some sort of space between two objects or a doorway, and then you’d be in another dimension. You closed your eyes and really took in the scent this time: the scent of the pages of an old book, pine, apple pie, oil, coffee, mint, and that one shampoo in the shower you thought smelled almost like pine but slightly different. It was the brothers’ scents, all mixed together, but it wasn’t like what they smelled like now. It was from a time that you wanted to get back to, as this was the future and not where you were meant to be.

“You okay?” Sam asked, pulling you from your thoughts.

You gave him a small, sad smile, “It’s time, Sam. I have to go.”

Without hesitation, he went to you and pulled you into his arms, holding you close. It was far more than just a hug, “We will see each other again. You always find your way home, Y/N.”

“Thanks. I didn’t want to leave, without saying goodbye and… thank you, for everything,” you replied quietly, wrapping your arms around him.

“I’m gonna go get Dean. He’ll want to see you too, before you go,” he told you quietly, although he didn’t want to let go of you, not yet.

“I’m really gonna miss you guys,” you said, now fighting back tears of sadness at leaving them yet again.

Sam gently squeezed you one more time and kissed the top of your head before he headed to wake up his brother. The two returned shortly afterward. You hadn’t gotten ready, not quite yet. It would have been challenging to hug Dean with your stuff on you.

“Has it really been two weeks already?” Dean asked, now wide awake.

“Yeah,” you sighed.

He then wrapped you up in a hug, but it was more like an intimate embrace. So, you put your arms around his waist and held him just as close. The goodbyes last time were bittersweet as well. This time, though, it felt harder.

“You’ll be okay. You always find your way home, Sweetheart,” and there was a softness in his words that made you both feel comforted but also like you wanted to cry.

“I’m looking forward to when I can finally stop dimension-hopping,” you mumbled, leaning your head on his chest.

“We’ll never stop looking for a way to help you with that,” Sam said, and you realized he was now standing next to his brother.

The two of them hugged you, sandwiching you between them. The feeling of safety, comfort, peace, and then something else you couldn’t quite put your finger on made you want to stay. You knew better, though. Fighting against following the scent only ended up hurting you in the long run.

When the scent came again, you pulled away from the two of them, tossing your bag over your shoulder and grabbing your spear before you looked back up at them.

“I’m gonna miss you two,” you told them, trying not to look as sad as you felt.

They both gave you a comforting smile, “We’re gonna miss you too. Hell, we miss you now, but we’ll see each other again,” Dean tried to reassure you.

With a deep breath, you walked toward the opening between the library and the war room, the scent drifting along the air, beckoning you to follow. You looked at the brothers one last time, trying to commit their appearance to memory before turning toward the opening, then stepped down the two steps toward the war room when everything changed.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 9 - Aqualumina

Link to the series Masterlist.

A/N: If you'd like to get in on the Dimensional Traveling, go to this link and leave me with a comment, or several, with as much or as little detail about the dimension you'd like the Traveler to end up in. If you'd like to have something specific happen, share that too. I'll make sure that you get credit for the idea you shared in the chapter in which your dimension is featured. I'd love to have as many readers involved as possible. I think this could be a lot of fun.

As always, if you'd like to be tagged, let me know and I'll add you to the tag list.

Tag List: @littlemadamred @mxltifxnd0m @foxyjwls007

[troblsomtwins829]

This is an old game, but there is still so much that we don't know.

One of the first things you can unlock in Jak 2 is Big/Small head mode, and I turned it on because I wanted to see how ridiculous it was. And it WAS ridiculous. But it was also a great model to see Jak's hair because I have a PS2, and those games were designed with a very different graphics output than our modern consoles. And I noticed something.

Jak's hair is RAGGED. Not like "It's been buzzed off and grew back messy" ragged, I mean "Left alone without an ounce of care offered" ragged. Weither the unfortunate messy mop he has in 'Daxter' is due to shrinkage or matts, this is still a fairly accurate amount of growth for two straight years. (For reference, the average human grows hair at a rate of one inch per two months)

I understand, as a 3d model, his hair is one object out of convenience, but when Daxter still holds on to that mop during a spin attack and Jak's response is a visual grimace, that hair may likely have ended up being a minimum single object over his time in prison.

Other Finds:

There are signs posted EVERYWHERE, and I DO mean EVERYWHERE. Everything from traffic signs to advertisements to shop signs! And they all say and mean things! Here's a few I noted

There's even a few Zoomer ads, but I cannot for the life of me make out anything more than "Long life" and part of the model

Another neat thing I found, though probably not new, is that when and NPC doesn't have a mission for you, they just don't exist. This is me in the Underground Base while I had misc stuff going on, standing in Torn's spot because he's just not there! Maybe he really DOES get some fresh air once in a while!

There's a map in the Underground Base, and I don't see this map anywhere else in the game, nor does it appear to line up with anywhere in Haven

It's an aerial view, but of what? It HAS to be Haven somewhere, why else would it be there? Is this an old map of the city before the walls were built? How long have the walls been there? How long has Haven been without it's rightful king? It's a very large city, that has heavily populated areas, but given the existence of Dead Town and areas beyond, it clearly used to have a much bigger footprint. The wall clearly wasn't built with travel along it in mind, it intersects houses and security gates. There are no patrols along it. I haven't seen so much as a guard or turret tower. And yet the walls are so tall and so thick, that they contain a whole network of power transportation to keep the shield walls up. Who designed it? And why isn't it maintained better?

Of course we know the answer to the latter question: Baron Praxis.

Baron Praxis is so uncaring toward his people, this much is obvious given the state of the slums, but Riddle me this: What dystopia leaders of note have enough funding to put up a giant FLASHING NEON propaganda ad in the middle of the slums, and still refuses to believe that people in the flooded districts of their city have no trouble getting into their homes?

These people have no way to get to these buildings, no WONDER they build their homes on stilts! The Water Slums is filled with what look like communal hovels and ramshackle dwellings that are staying upright and afloat with twigs and prayers.

Speaking of Prayers: The oracle.

There's this tapestry in the Oracle in the Water slums. There's like eight of them, but they all say the same thing. I've found no translations of this anywhere online, so I got real close and personal and snapped some pics to translate. And it's...it's oddly specific, in context, but I can't explain why in the world it's worded the way it is.

Translation is as follows:

"THE NOBLE WILL BE ASSURED OF A PLACE IN HISTORY THUS BEING GRANTED A FORM OF LIFE TO BE FOREVER VENERATED BY THEIR ANCESTORS AS ONE WHO LIVED A LIFE OF GOOD"

That is such an odd wording. Why "Ancestors?" Why not "Descendants?" that would make more sense, giving that noble person a place in history. It's clearly meant to be a general statement to the people and the followers of the Precursor beliefs to live their best life and BE a good person overall, but the way this is worded feels so specific toward Jak. I can't shake the notion that this is some old prophecy or prayer given from the Oracle before it fell silent that's been woven into that tapestry and hung in that place of worship.

[chaatandchai]

primrose lane | wjh (UNFINISHED)

hi everyone !! this is a fic i had started writing a long time ago when i had a different account here on tumblr, and over time i lost track of where i wanted the fic to go and consequently lost motivation to write it, too. i'm posting what i've written so far (it's a lot) so people can read if they want.

details: coming of age au, wen junhui x gn!reader, friends to ???, college au, alcohol consumption, i think there's some swearing

wordcount: 19.16k

-- this is my first official post ever on tumblr so please come drop feedback/advice in my inbox or just come say hi !! i'd love to make new friends <3

Maybe it had all started with that newly bloomed patch of bright red camellias.

That was where you had found Seungkwan, crouching among the flowers with his hands over his knees. At the tender age of ten, you could not figure out why he was sitting there like that, so you did what you knew best how to do: ask.

“Um, what are you doing here?”

The boy had glanced up at you like he’d just realized you were towering over him, almost losing balance. 

“I’m playing hide and seek! Isn’t this such a good spot? Jeonghan’s never gonna find me!”

You had looked him dead in the eye. “I could see you from all the way over there. You’re gonna lose.”

“That’s mean! I’m not gonna lose!”

He rose to his feet at this point, and you immediately felt bad seeing the small pout on his face. 

“Okay,” you relented. “Sorry. But it’s true. The flowers aren’t gonna hide you.”

“But —”

He was interrupted by loud footsteps that came quickly down the sidewalk, and a little boy who seemed to be about your age approached the flower bed, laughing delightedly. Behind him was another boy, running a little slower with something bundled up in his arms.

“Seungkwan!” the faster one hollered, almost tackling his friend to the ground. “Found you! See, I told you, I’m really good at this.” Then he turned to you, a little confused and blinking slowly like he’d only just realized you were standing there. 

“Hi,” you’d broken the silence. “I’m Y/N. I live in the small yellow house over there,” you twisted to point somewhere behind you.

“The one with the pretty purple flowers in the front?”

“Yeah!”

The third boy finally approached your little group, and you finally saw what he was holding: a small gray kitten, curled up and fast asleep. 

“I thought that one was empty though,” he said curiously. “Mom said nobody’s lived there for a long time.”

“We moved our stuff in yesterday morning,” you explained. “I’m starting school tomorrow.”

The boys had expressed their joy at this, promptly making you promise to hang out with them more. Friends, they said with bright smiles on their faces. You’d all exchanged names, sitting in the grass watching the sun slowly sink down in the sky, admiring those same red camellias that had just recently bloomed.

At some point you’d scooted closer to the boy holding the now-awake kitten, reaching out to gently stroke its head. His name was Junhui, you recalled, and when you turned to look at him he was looking right back at you.

“He’s so cute, right?” The boy looked fondly down at the kitten. “I wish we had a cat, but my mom thinks we can’t handle having a pet at home.”

“He’s not yours?”

Junhui shook his head. “No. I just found him while I was hiding from Jeonghan. He was all tangled up in the rose bushes, poor little guy. Good thing he didn’t get any scratches.”

You nod, agreeing. “Yeah, that would be bad.”

He watched as the kitten moved to climb over your own leg. “Do you like cats too?”

“Are you kidding? I love them,” you sighed. “I wish I had one, too, but my brother’s allergic so we can’t.”

“You have a brother?”

You wrinkled your nose. “Yeah. He’s two years older than me and he’s really annoying! He thinks he’s so cool even though he’s not.”

“Wow,” Junhui laughed. “Mine is six years old. He’s really cute, but I wish I had an older brother. Like you!”

“No, you don’t,” you told him earnestly. “They’re horrible!”

“Hey, I’m an older brother,” he said patiently. “Am I horrible?”

You looked at him carefully. 

“No,” you answered. “I don’t think so.”

“See?”

“Okay, fine, you win,” you grumbled, laying down on your back. The little kitten had meandered over to Seungkwan, who was trying and failing to teach it how to give a high five while Jeonghan watched and laughed.

Junhui didn’t say anything for a while, but then he turned to look at you again. 

“Hey, don’t you think it’s really stupid?”

“What’s stupid?”

“That this is Primrose Lane but there aren’t any primroses?” He gestured to the flower beds scattered through the neighborhood. “There are camellias everywhere, and there’s a few rose bushes behind Jeonghan’s house, but no primroses. The name doesn’t even make sense.”

You thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, that’s dumb. But it sounds pretty.”

“Hm. You’re right.”

A few more moments of quiet passed by before Seungkwan finally stood, brushing the dirt off his pants.

“It’s getting dark,” he told you. “Mom said I have to be back before it’s completely dark outside. I think we should go home.”

“Yeah,” Jeonghan added from behind him, brushing the dirt off of his shorts. “Y/N, we’ll see you tomorrow right? At school?”

“Yes!”

“Nice!”

Junhui slung an arm around your shoulder and cracked a grin. “Race to the far stop sign? Last one who gets there has to buy snacks for everyone tomorrow!”

“I’m in,” you raised your hand, followed by the other two. “I guess Seungkwan’s buying our food then.”

“Hey!”

Jeonghan broke out into loud laughter, pulling Seungkwan into him for a quick hug. Beside you, Junhui chuckled softly as he prepared to run, shooting you a bright smile as you matched his stance and got ready to go too.

“Three, two, one —!”

Growing up with Seungkwan made you realize that he was far more perceptive than he ever let on to anybody else.

“Jun has the biggest crush on her,” he said suddenly at lunch one day. Your friend in question was picking up his food while speaking to one of your classmates, a girl from your shared science class.

“Really?” You picked up another piece of meat with your chopsticks. “Jang Yeona? I didn’t even know they knew each other.”

“Yeah, but I know him, and I can tell. Look, he’s so far gone already.”

And you weren’t sure why your stomach dropped a little bit when you looked and saw that Seungkwan was sort of correct. You knew Jun well enough, too: you easily saw how he hung onto her every word and looked at her like she put all the stars in the sky. For some reason, it made you a little nauseous.

“Good for him,” you said bluntly. “She’s pretty.”

If you weren’t so intently staring at your food, you would have seen the peculiar look Seungkwan threw your way.

“Hey, what did I miss? You two looked awfully serious from over there.” Jeonghan slipped into the seat across from you, balancing a juice box and a blueberry muffin on his tray.       

“Secretly planning your murder,” you said dryly.

“Oh, cool. At least make it interesting, please.”

“You have become way too comfortable with this,” Seungkwan muttered, giving you both the side eye. 

“That’s because he doesn’t have a choice other than to get used to it,” you explained, placing your share of smoked salmon into Jeonghan’s tray. “You’re all stuck with me now.”

Jeonghan rolled his eyes. “And that’s because when we were ten we didn’t know what a complete lunatic you would grow up to be.”

“He’s kinda right.” Jun’s voice came floating out of nowhere as he took the empty seat beside you. “Also, I will help you plan his murder. Where do you need me to drag the body?”

“To be determined. I’ll let you know later.”

“Noted. Just text me.”

“So,” Seungkwan started, clearly trying to change the topic, “Jun, you’re friends with Jang Yeona now, huh?”

“Eh?” He looked like a deer in headlights, caught off guard with bread in his mouth. “I donfo whafur talkin buf.”

You sent him a mildly disgusted look. “Wen Junhui, please finish chewing that before you speak.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he repeated once his mouth was empty. “She was just asking me about an assignment she missed yesterday. I’ve literally never talked to her before.”

“Uh huh,” Seungkwan nodded along. You could see the gears turning in his head reflected in the mischievous look on his face. 

Of course, you weren’t surprised when Jeonghan picked up on it immediately . “Do you like being around her?”

“Are you guys friends?”

“Do you think she’s pretty?”

“Those are, uh, a lot of questions,” Jun chuckled nervously, nudging your elbow. “Um, can I finish eating first?”

Seungkwan tsked, but left him alone anyways. You knew what he was trying to do, and you didn’t know why you hated the idea of it. Why did you suddenly find the idea of Jun crushing on someone so unpleasant? 

Later that day, you found yourself alone with Seungkwan after the last class, waiting for the other two boys so you could all walk home together.

“You look… down,” he observed, kicking a pebble. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“It is so obviously not nothing,” he probed. “Are you sure you’re fine?”

You didn’t look back at him. “I think so. Just… realized something and I don’t know if I like it or not.”

Seungkwan exhaled and leaned back on the railing, bag falling off of his left shoulder. “Is this about Jun?”

“What?”

“I can’t think of anything else!” He threw his hands up. “Nothing else happened today, unless you did really badly on that math test and you aren’t telling me about it.”

“No, it’s not the test,” you sighed. “I studied way too much to fail that.”

Seungkwan frowned. “Y/N, I can’t help you if I don’t know why you’re upset. And don’t tell me you’re not, because I know you are, and I’d rather you weren’t. I hate seeing you upset.”

“How touching.”

“I’m serious!” He folded his arms. “So it is about Jun, then?”

You hesitated. Even you didn’t really know the answer to that question. Yes it was, but why? What part of it? You couldn’t put a finger on what exactly was bothering you in the first place.

“I guess so?”

“Why, you like him or something?”

You shot him a look, dismissing the idea immediately. “You are so nosy!”

“Well, am I right or wrong?”

“I don’t have a crush on him. That’s stupid,” you insisted, rubbing your eyes. “I don’t really know why I’m annoyed. Just… I know for a fact this is gonna work out for him, because,” you shrugged, “Jun is everything. Everyone likes him. He’s so smart, he’s popular, he’s the sweetest, and it’ll never be my turn because I —”

“If you’re about to say that you aren’t any of those things, I’m going to strangle you myself.”

Again, you glared at him. “I am not opening up to you so that you can threaten me with murder!”

Seungkwan rolled his eyes. “First of all, you’re being extremely dramatic, because we’re in middle school and just because you’re single and lonely now doesn’t mean you’re gonna be single and lonely forever.”

“You sound like my brother, except Mingyu is always telling me the opposite.”

“Yeah, well, Mingyu is wrong and sometimes also an asshole.”

And then you were interrupted by Jeonghan sneaking up and scaring the living daylights out of you, and Jun greeting you with a wave and the book you’ve been wanting to check out for quite a while from the school library. But you thought about it on the way back, silently watching the world around you while the boys fooled around on the sidewalk.

Yes, that was it. You’d just been slightly jealous that you had never been the object of someone’s affections — you weren’t anymore, but you felt that way for a little while, and you sort of hated yourself for it. It was stupid, Seungkwan was absolutely correct, and you needed to slow your brain down and stop worrying.

“Wow, you look exhausted,” Jeonghan remarked, just as the four of you approached your street, that familiar green sign growing closer now. Primrose Lane. “You look like you need a good long nap.”

“I do, and I’m going to take one,” you announced. “Nobody knock on my door until seven o’clock or I will end you.”

Seungkwan frowned at this. “Didn’t we say we were gonna work on homework together at four?”

“Can we do it at seven? Please? Come wake me up and we can work on stuff at my house, my parents won’t mind and Mingyu’s gonna be home late,” you said. “Jeonghan has soccer practice, so he would have missed it, anyways.”

“Fine by me,” Jun agreed. His hand came up to ruffle your hair, something you usually absolutely hated, but for some reason you didn’t really mind when it was him. Actually, there were a lot of things about Jun that you didn’t mind. Things that you often welcomed, in fact, when he did them.

And again, if you weren’t trying really hard to keep staring at the ground, you would have noticed Seungkwan watching you with a concerned look on his face.

“Okay,” he’d said finally, tearing his eyes off of you. (Something was off, but he couldn’t for the life of him figure out what.) “That works. I’ll be there.”

Not much to your surprise, Jun was the first at your door that evening, which also meant that he was the one to see you with extremely messy hair and haphazard clothes. Usually you’d be incredibly embarrassed, but in the moment you were so tired that you couldn’t feel anything other than irritable.

“Did you just wake up?” he asked, removing his shoes and promptly subjecting himself to one of your death glares.

“Don’t even start,” you hissed, marching up the stairs. “Give me ten minutes. Stay here and forget everything you just saw.”

Jun laughed at this, fondly aware of your post-nap crankiness. 

“Okay,” he agreed, watching you disappear around the corner. “I’m gonna get started on math while you’re up there!”

“Good!” came an echo of your voice. “Don’t wait for Jeonghan, he needs to figure out that stuff for himself!”

He only laughed again, louder and clearer this time, and you could hear him from behind your bathroom door. You liked the sound of his laugh. There had always been something so warm and real about the way he expressed his joy that never failed to comfort you as well.

When you’d washed up and finally decided that you looked decent enough to head downstairs again, Jeonghan was sitting at the table with Jun, notebook propped up like he’d only just begun.

“There they are,” Jun clapped. “Finally. You look a little less like a gremlin than when I first got here.”

“I told you not to mention it!” 

You went to punch his shoulder playfully, but he caught your fist, gently encircling your wrist with his fingers. His skin was soft, and comfortingly warm, but the contact caught you off guard and you pulled back sharply, not exactly liking how it made you feel. 

Which was, good. But it was a weird good that you weren’t sure you should be feeling, and you were glad that Seungkwan wasn’t there to witness it again.

Ignoring the slightly hurt look on Jun’s face, you plastered on a smile. 

“Uh, do you guys want something to drink? I’ve got a few cans of soda left, actually.”

Jeonghan raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t those Mingyu’s?”

“Ah, who cares. He can go get more on his own. I’m sick of him bossing me around all day.” You pulled open the door to the fridge. “So?”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll take one.”

Your gaze flitted to the boy beside him. “Jun?”

“I’m fine,” came his clipped reply. 

“You sure? Not even water?”

“Okay,” he relented finally, shrugging. “Just a bit, though.”

Your doorbell rang while you walked back to the table balancing both drinks — once, twice, and then a third time just for good measure. You already knew who it was, just based on how impatient they seemed to be let in.

“I’ll get it,” Jun offered, rising from his seat. He opened the front door to your exhausted looking brother, and Seungkwan who’d arrived not long after him.

“Oh,” Mingyu said at the sight of your friends gathered around the table, slipping his backpack off. “Where’s Mom and Dad?”

“Went to grab groceries,” you answered. “Why don’t you ever take a set of keys with you? You could just let yourself in that way.”

Mingyu shrugged. “Eh.” Then he narrowed his eyes at the can on the table. “Seriously, Y/N, How many times have I told you to stop drinking my soda?”

You rolled your eyes.“It’s one can! And let him have it, Dad’s gonna bring home more, anyway.”

Jeonghan raised his hand in apology. “Sorry, dude.”

When Mingyu was done grumbling and finally left to hole himself up in his room, you plopped back down onto the couch and sighed. “Sometimes I despise him. Exceedingly.”

“Hey, it’s kinda funny watching you guys, though,” Seungkwan said. “Like a soap opera. Except it’s real.”

“I wish I had an older brother,” Jun added gloomily.

“You’ve been saying this to me ever since we met,” you pointed out, still unable to look him in the eye. You didn’t know why. You didn’t know whether you wanted to find out. “And no, you don’t. Be grateful you don’t have to deal with an idiot like Gyu.”

Jun would have said something else (effectively starting another one of your petty little arguments) but Jeonghan interrupted your conversation, tapping his pencil on the table. 

The three of you turned to look at him slowly and were met with a small, sheepish grin.

“Hey, how do you solve double inequalities?”

You hated summer.

Jun loved it, of course, and he could never understand why you preferred winter so much. You let him have that, though, because you liked to watch him be happy. That boy was made to be joyful, you thought sometimes, with how even the smallest of smiles seemed to light up his face. 

So, yes. With a few exceptions, you generally disliked the summer, but this one was exceptionally worse than every single year in the past.

For one, Seungkwan had gone to visit his uncle and aunt in Europe, which meant you would be left without one of your closest friends until the start of the next school year. 

He promised to call your landline every week, and he kept his word, but even that wasn’t enough sometimes. You cherished the time you spent talking to him, but that never meant you didn’t miss him dearly.

Jeonghan was still in town, but you saw him less and less as summer vacation went on, and you didn’t know why. You rarely ran into him anymore, didn’t see him at the park like you always used to, and he almost never answered the door when you went looking for him.

“He’s asleep. Taking a nap,” his little sister told you the one time she’d opened the door instead. You couldn’t tell if she was just covering for him or not. “Do you want me to wake him up?”

“No! No, it’s okay,” you’d said. “Thanks, though, Jeongyeon.���

And as if that wasn’t enough, you’d started to feel like Jun might be slipping through your fingers too. He’d just gotten a cell phone, his mother’s old one that she let him use, and he spent quite a lot of time on it. 

You knew he was texting Yeona — there was no mistaking the smile on his face at every notification, or every time you asked who he was talking to and he refused to tell you, a shy smile on his face.

There had never been anything Jun wouldn’t tell you, at least not until now. If nothing else, this was the clear indicator that something was up with him.

He was still there for you, though, and you appreciated that. As much as he seemed to love talking to Yeona, you knew you could always count on him. Each time you knocked on his door, he was there with a smile, ready to go do whatever you had in mind. 

Maybe you’d just been exaggerating in your head. Maybe you were just a little bit jealous.

You’d confided in him about your worries for Jeonghan too, as you did with everything. (He had always been one of your go-to people, after all.) He wanted to ask Seungkwan for advice as well, but he was on the other side of the world, and the two of you weren’t keen on troubling him when he was supposed to be on vacation.

“It’s okay,” he had comforted you instead. “It’ll be fine.”

And it was fine for the most part — Jun was generally right, and you tended to trust his intuition. This time was no exception. 

You’d both run into Jeonghan not long after on the street, and even though you were least expecting it, you were extremely glad to see him regardless. 

“Whoa,” he said when you launched into him for a hug. “Looks like someone’s very happy to see me.”

“Duh, it’s been a while,” you said, muffled against his shirt. “Where have you been?”

You felt him stiffen for a second. “Oh, you know, just… needed some alone time,” he mumbled. “Lots of stuff going on.”

You chose not to press him further, though you couldn’t understand what kind of stuff could make you hide from your friends for weeks and have your little sister lie to them when they came over.

“We missed you,” Jun added, joining the group hug. It felt nice after so long, and even though Seungkwan was on the other side of the world, you could imagine he was there with you in spirit.

“Were you about to go home?” you asked when you pulled away.

“Oh, yeah,” Jeonghan ran a bruised hand through his hair and smiled tentatively, “but we could just hang out if you want? I don’t really have to be home for another hour.”

That was all you had wanted, really, to spend time with him, and that was enough for you. You smiled watching your best friends fool around and wrestle in the grass (Jun had probably started another argument again) just like you were kids again. 

Even if everything else changed, your constant would be this. You knew that everyone would grow up, and maybe grow away, but your fourteen-year-old heart held it certain that these precious moments would never leave you with time. One day the hastily braided bracelets that sit on your wrists would be gone, but the meaning would never be lost on you.

“Y/N!”

You turned around to Jun holding up his phone directly at you.

“Look at the camera!”

His words came through, and you heard him loud and clear, but you could only focus on his bright, beautiful grin you knew you loved to death. You saw his sparkling eyes, you saw Jeonghan sitting up behind him with wet grass in his hair, making silly faces to try and get you to laugh. And you did. How could you not?

The sun was in your eyes when you smiled, but it could not have been more perfect.

Click!

It had always been extremely hard to keep secrets from Boo Seungkwan, but it was even more difficult to tell him that he was wrong.

“What do you mean you don’t like Junnie? You’re glaring daggers at Yeona right now. You should see yourself, dude.”

Were you? Maybe, but right now you were glaring daggers at Seungkwan, practically fuming.

“How dare you insinuate such a thing,” you hissed, aiming your pencil at him. “I would never develop feelings for my best friend!”

He merely raised an eyebrow and scoffed. “Why is it that you’ve become way more violent ever since we started high school?”

You had to admit that his observation was correct, but in your defense, it was only two weeks into freshman year and he’d already managed to get on your nerves on this topic — a new record that you were sure only Jeonghan had the capability to break.

“Maybe if you would stop acting like you can read my mind,” you muttered, eyes flitting over to where Jun and Yeona were talking yet again. For some reason, you felt bitter about it. 

Seungkwan clicked his tongue. “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“That thing where you scowl at Yeona like you think she shouldn’t be anywhere near Jun.”

“Because I do!” you whisper-yelled, making sure nobody else in the library heard you. “She’s nowhere near good enough for him. He deserves someone who can, you know, match his energy and make him happy, but she can’t even put in the basic effort to sound interested when they talk! Isn’t it obvious?”

That seemed to make Seungkwan think. “You know, I never really noticed before, but I guess you’re right.”

You crossed your arms triumphantly. “See?”

“That doesn’t change the fact that he practically worships the ground she walks on,” he added. “I know he won’t tell us how he really feels, but you can’t tell me you don’t see it too.”

“No, I know.” You sighed. “I do. You’re right.”

The look Seungkwan sent you made you feel so vulnerable in that moment — there was a little bit of pity, a little bit of love he had for you as a friend, but there was also that pure sadness. He was sad for you, because you were one of his best friends, but so was Jun. It felt like maybe he wanted to help you, but he didn’t know how.

You tried distracting yourself by downing the rest of your water bottle in one go, doing your best not to look out of the corner of your eye where Yeona was pulling Jun, your Jun, into a tight hug. You weren’t going to look. You shouldn’t. You wouldn’t.

“I’m gonna go insane. There’s way too much happening,” you said, crumpling the plastic bottle in your hand. “God, where is Jeonghan when we need him?”

“Why, am I not helping?”

You shot him another look that was sufficient to answer his question.

“Fair. Well, I hope he’s feeling better,” Seungkwan told you, digging through his backpack. You knew, too, that Jeonghan hadn’t been in school for days — out sick with a high fever, Jeongyeon had told you when you ran into her in the neighborhood yesterday. 

“Me too. I need both of you to survive this hellhole,” you groaned. “Ideally all three, but he’s having his moment with Yeona so I guess I won’t get in his way.”

“There you go, sounding all spiteful again.”

You didn’t bother responding to him this time. Maybe it was because you knew that he was right. As much as you liked to think that he was just coming to random conclusions, you were aware of your shifting feelings. You didn’t like Jun, not like he liked Yeona, you just… it was something different there. It’d changed. When, you didn’t know. It just did.

And you weren’t really surprised when you started seeing them together more outside of school. Your group of four had just dwindled to three now, sometimes two on those days that Jeonghan just didn’t show up. You were happy to have Seungkwan, but the frequent absence of the other two boys never failed to make you a little uneasy.

Because you’d always thought that this would never change, but what if you were wrong?

You let the worry live at the back of your mind. For now, at least. You couldn’t let something so small take over your head, not when you had schoolwork to focus on, and it definitely began to pick up as the weeks flew by.

“By the way,” you said at lunch one day, “what’s going with you and Yeona?”

Jun widened his eyes mid-bite and Seungkwan immediately shook his head like he knew what was coming.

“The last time we asked you about this you avoided the question,” he said. “I think we all know what you’re trying to hide from us, anyway, so there’s really no point.”

“True,” Jeonghan gestured with his chopsticks. You looked at him for a moment and you could swear the cut on his nose wasn’t there the last time you spoke to him.

Jun sighed and set his food down. 

“We’re… not dating,” he said carefully. “I just, I don’t know. I think she’s great. I really like her, man, and I think she likes spending time with me too. So that’s really it right now.”

He looked so happy. You hated that you felt nearly the exact opposite. Sitting there in the cafeteria, you couldn’t help but feel those sharp pangs of guilt that struck you, because what was wrong with you? Why couldn’t you be happy for your best friend?

“That’s great, dude,” Jeonghan laughed as he offered the other boy a fist bump. Seungkwan smiled but said nothing, and he eyed you suspiciously as you pretended to remain unaffected.

“Yeah, that’s great,” you echoed mindlessly. “Really great. Hope it works out.”

From across the table, you locked eyes with Jun. Just looking at him made you feel better; somehow the sight of his face made the uneasiness in the pit of your stomach go away. It was nice, for a few moments.

Then you looked away sharply, because a manicured hand came down on his shoulder as an unfamiliar voice called out his name, and you really didn’t want to watch their… whatever was going on with them.

“Hi,” Yeona giggled. “What happened to lunch together?”

Jeonghan raised an eyebrow and leaned over to whisper to you. “They were gonna eat lunch together?”

“Oh… Sorry, I forgot,” Jun mumbled shyly. “Couldn’t ditch my friends last minute.”

“Aw, I’m sure they’ll live through one lunch period without you.” 

Yeona flashed the rest of you a sickly sweet smile, like she was pitying you, almost. You felt a hot rush of anger flow through your body, and if you had any less self control you would have left the cafeteria then and there.

For Jun, you told yourself. You’re doing this for his sake.

“I’ll sit with you tomorrow,” you heard Jun say. 

“Okay, Junnie, I’ll see you there. Text me later, okay?”

“Yeah, see you.”

She left with another one of her smiles and waved to the three of you, effectively taking any sense remaining in Jun’s brain with her. He sat in silence, quietly eating and smiling down at his tray while you watched him trying to understand why you felt so dismayed.

“Well, that was interesting,” is all Seungkwan said before taking the last bite of his food. You were very glad he didn’t look in your direction, because you weren’t sure you could put on a good enough poker face for him to believe. 

Needless to say, you did not see Jun at lunch the next day. Or the day after that.

Lunchtime without your best friend lasted a long, agonizing forty-seven days. You saw him around everywhere else, and not that you were counting (you were), and not that you cared (you did), but having that empty seat next to you for so long did feel quite off. 

That forty-eighth morning, you managed to corner Jun in the hallway before classes started, a mischievous smile plastered on your face.

“You haven’t been giving us any Yeona updates,” you told him, his back still turned to you. “So? How’s it going?”

“Good,” he said shortly, slamming his locker shut with a loud bang.

The smile on your face dropped immediately. Jun was patient, sweet, and nothing but lovely, but sometimes his temper was not to be trifled with. 

“Whoa. Are you sure, dude?”

“Yep.”

“You’re really not being convincing at all right now.”

He sighed then, and he looked so tired that you instantly felt bad for him. “Y/N, I’m fine. Stop worrying about me, okay?”

And if there was one thing you knew about Jun, it was that he was never fine when he said he was. You could tell from the way his half-smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, and the way he slouched as you headed down the hall with him. Yeah, you wanted to know what was up, but with him like this, you weren’t going to push any further. 

“Okay,” you said quietly. Jun only smiled softly in response, ruffling your hair like he usually always did.

“See you later,” he said, walking off. From where you were you could see Yeona across the hall, nearly glaring daggers at you as she ran a few fingers through her perfectly straight hair. What her problem was with you, you would never really understand, although you were perfectly happy to reciprocate the feeling if that was what she wanted.

While you were deep in your thoughts, an arm came around your shoulder and you almost reflexively kicked the person behind you until you smelled that unmistakable citrus scent, realizing it was Seungkwan.

“You have got to stop doing that,” you warned him. “Or I’ll send you to the hospital someday.”

He just shrugged. “Eh. Your reaction is always worth it.”

“Do you have a death wish?”

Seungkwan didn’t respond, just grabbed your shoulder and steered you away from a crowd of boys you were about to walk straight into at the corner of the hall. 

“Jeez,” he muttered, glancing back at them, “It isn’t that hard to get out of the fucking w— Is that Jeonghan?!”

“Huh?”

“Over there,” he directed your gaze to the distinct yellow hoodie that you knew belonged to your friend. “Didn’t know he was friends with Choi Seungcheol. That’s crazy, man.”

That didn’t need an explanation at all. Nobody in the entire school messed with Seungcheol, and you knew that. He had a reputation, and a whole lot of respect that stemmed from it.

“Who’s that one standing next to Han?”

“No idea,” Seungkwan said. 

You couldn’t not look at Jeonghan; how he looked so small among the group, how he couldn’t stop staring at the ground and the way he loosely held an unlit cigarette in his right hand. It was hard to tell whether he hated it or not. He had always been that way, ambiguous and slightly impossible to read.

You told Seungkwan so, and he only shook his head.

“If he wants our help, he’ll come ask us. You know he always talks to us when he feels like he really needs it.”

And that was correct, so instead of taking a step in Jeonghan’s direction you turned around and walked away instead. You trusted that he would be fine, but what you were less certain about was your fate if you walked into geometry class late yet again this week.

The real surprise of the day, however, came when you arrived at your usual seat at lunch only to be met with Jun sitting to your left, already digging into his box of noodles. You blinked several times to make sure you weren’t hallucinating, then turned to Seungkwan.

“Are you seeing this?”

“I’m just as surprised as you are!”

Jun didn’t look up, or respond to either of you, so you put your stuff down and set a hand on his shoulder. “Dude, what happened?”

“Nothing,” came the monotone reply.

“Obviously it’s not nothing, Jun, how come you’re here? Weren’t you, you know…”

He shook his hair out of his face and looked up at you. “Well, you guys better get used to it again.”

“Wait, are you and Yeona still a thing, or…?”

“Fine,” he sighed. “No, okay? There were a few issues. Will you two stop asking questions so we can sit down? It’s been a month and a half and I just really want to eat lunch with my friends again.”

Jun never spoke to or about Jang Yeona again after that. Every now and then you would attempt to get something out of him, but he absolutely refused to speak about her no matter how hard you tried. At some point, like all aspects of life, it became a thing of the past.

Nobody would be surprised to learn that Wen Junhui’s contact was the first one to be saved in your phone when you finally got one.

It was a beat up, old model that your father had found at the bottom of some drawer, and it barely functioned other than to call and text, but you were content with it anyway. As long as you had a means to communicate with your friends, you were more than happy.

“Who have you been talking to for the past three hours?” Mingyu asked one day, opening your door and peeking through.

You pulled the phone away from your ear. “Jun! Now get out of my room, you doofus.”

“Hah, loser.”

If he thought so, you didn’t care. It ended up being Jun that you called in your free time the most anyways, since Seungkwan had taken up volleyball and Jeonghan was out and about doing nobody knew what. 

He was certainly changing with the years, growing out of the Jeonghan you used to know — a few extra piercings, longer hair, more unkempt uniform. But you just attributed that to the phase of life you were in right now. He still spoke to you often, but things had become slightly more distant.

It made sense. Maybe he needed it. It was best that you gave him space.

You were changing too, all of you. It was just a fact. Seungkwan was three inches taller than you, now, something he took immense pride in, and puberty had hit Jun like a truck.

“You’re literally a tree,” you told him one day. “I can’t believe I have to look up to make eye contact with you.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad!”

“That’s because you’re looking down!”

It wasn’t just his height. His features were much sharper now, and you weren’t sure what on earth he was doing with his hair but you hoped he would keep up with it. He looked good, and you didn’t know if he knew it, but you did, and you were unsure how to feel about that.

A blessing came to you finally in the form of a shared chemistry class with Jun in your junior year. This was a surprise, after years of not being in any together, so you were quite happy as you were looking over your schedules.

“Oh, I’ve got calculus with Jeonghan,” you remarked later, looking at the screenshots your friends had sent in the group chat. “Can’t wait to get humbled.”

“He’s come a long way from needing to be tutored in middle school, hasn't he?” Jun chuckled. “I don’t know how he does it. He’s barely ever in class but still manages to ace the tests.”

“His attendance is pretty spotty, isn’t it? I guess that’s Yoon Jeonghan for you.” You looked at the rest of the blocks. “Do we have literature together?”

“Nope.”

“You’re really leaving me alone with Seungkwan?” you joked.

“Well, I have both physics and art history with him, so I don’t wanna hear any complaints from you, Y/N.”

“Fair.”

As it was your junior year, learning your curriculum was no easy feat. Except for Jeonghan — you couldn’t understand how he was breezing through all his classes — the three of you had your fair share of troubles navigating your course load.

“Between volleyball and calculus, I honestly think I’m just gonna drop dead one of these days.”

“You scored a ninety-six on last week’s test, Seungkwan. You’re doing fine.”

This was the year you ended up making a few new friends through some of your classes, too, since bonding over struggle seemed to be a pretty efficient way of connecting with others. You’d known of Seoyun and Ryu for a few years, but you’d never spoken to them until this year, when the three of you were thrown together for a literature project and none of you knew what to do.

You enjoyed their company. It was good to surround yourself with people you were comfortable with, and aside from the few inevitable bumps in the road, you could say you were doing pretty good for yourself.

Until that one horrendous calculus quiz. 

You’d never failed before. Never. You weren’t the absolute best student by any means, but you were good. An F was something you never saw on your papers, and never expected, but here it was, big and red on the top left corner.

It was more shock than anything else going through your head. You didn’t know how to react, so you just stared down at it until you could feel the tears coming in.

“You okay?”

You looked up at Jeonghan beside you and he immediately winced. 

“You’re not okay,” he decided quickly. “What happened? Bad test?”

“Bad test,” you nodded, hoping he wouldn’t probe further and taking a deep breath so your tears wouldn’t spill over.

“It’s okay. It happens,” he said gently, reaching out to rub your shoulder. “One terrible grade isn’t going to ruin your entire academic career, right? You’re doing fine.”

“But college is right around the corner, and I really need everything to just be right —”

“Don’t have to be perfect to do well,” Jeonghan cut you off with an encouraging smile. “I promise you. You’re gonna be okay, Y/N. You’re one of the smartest people I know.”

“Says you, Han.”

He pushed his bangs back and frowned. “I mean it,” he told you earnestly. “I’m not lying.”

“You really think so?”

“I know it.”

That was able to alleviate your worries a little bit, but when you went home and remembered you had a chemistry test the next morning, you immediately went into panic mode again.

“Hey, Jun?”

“Yeah?”

You balanced your phone on your knee. “Have you been reviewing for the chem test tomorrow?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Do you want to study together? I kinda forgot about it,” you said, embarrassed. “I think I spent too much time worrying about calc.”

“That’s okay,” he said kindly. “Want me to come over?”

He had listened to you rant about your calculus test after school with all the patience in the world, and offered his help if you ever needed it. That was the thing about Jun; he was always patient with you, and he encouraged you to go at your own comfortable pace. You admired that about him.

You let him in happily when he rang your doorbell and the two of you spent hours poring over worksheets and labs, redoing problem sets and memorizing chemical formulas. It was a hard class, there was no doubt about it, but it seemed a little easier with Jun by your side.

Everything did, you mused as you watched him work on a question. Life felt a whole lot lighter when you knew he had your back.

“Wait, I don’t understand why this solution doesn’t work here.”

Jun glanced over at your paper. “Ah, you’re using the wrong formula for two of the calculations. It’s the other one with silicon you need to use.”

“Oh!” you laughed. “Sorry. I can be stupid sometimes.”

“You’re not stupid, Y/N,” he said gently. “You’re one of the smartest people I know.”

“You know, Jeonghan said the same thing earlier today.”

“He’s right,” Jun said simply. “Because you are.”

“I just want you to know you’re speaking to the person who fell asleep walking to class on multiple occasions.”

“Trust me, I’m aware.”

Time passed easily like that with him. It was a wonder, really, how hours could feel like just a few minutes.

“Thanks for the help,” you told him when he started packing up to leave. “I really needed that moral support for a little while.”

“Anytime, Y/N.”

“Sorry about bothering you for so long.” You handed him his bag. “I know this took up your whole evening, so…”

Jun looked at you like you were speaking another language entirely. “Dude, you gotta stop acting like you needing help is a burden.” 

“Are you sure that it isn’t?”

“Not to me. Not if it’s you.”

Jun looked at you sincerely, like he really meant it. You knew that he meant it, which kickstarted something in you that you didn’t even realize was ready to go. It was like something unlocked, finally, and now you knew exactly what had been going on in your heart for the past few years.

The second he was out of your house, you stared at the wall in horror, coming to a belated realization.

“Oh my god, Seungkwan was right!”

The boys had, after some long deliberation, placed bets on who Jun would end up taking to senior prom.

Jeonghan had put five dollars on you and called it a day, after which you called him delusional and an idiot. Seungkwan had decided to one up him and put ten bucks on himself, which you tried to talk him out of while Jeonghan was laughing his ass off, but you couldn’t deter him in any way.

Seungkwan had valiantly tried to defend himself. “Jeonghan’s got the school’s entire female population at his feet and Y/N will end up with some hottie, so obviously me and Jun should go together!”

Jeonghan snorted. “Rethink that part about Y/N.”

You shot him a look. “Just because you’ve gone all classic bad boy now doesn’t mean you’re the main attraction here!”

“What do you think this is for, then?” he retorted, vaguely gesturing towards himself

“Yoon Jeonghan, if you seriously think that scar on your nose and all those chains are doing anything for you, I don’t know what to say.” 

They had tried coaxing out your own personal opinion, but you remained vague, and you certainly weren’t about to put money into their random musings. On top of that, you knew Seungkwan knew how you really felt, and you didn’t want to put any more emphasis on that than there already was.

“We have got to get you a date,” Seungkwan said during physics. “I can’t have you moping around over J —”

“I am not moping!”

“Yeah, right, like you aren’t staring at him right now instead of listening to me or paying attention to class.”

“I’m going to strangle you.” 

“Have fun doing that,” he said, flipping his page, “but I’m not letting you borrow my notes when you call me at midnight because you didn’t take any.”

It was like everything and nothing had changed at the same time, after you had admitted your feelings to yourself all those months ago. You still spent the same amount of time around Jun, and you still bickered and argued like before, but now you were aware of a lot of things you chose not to perceive earlier.

Like the soft touch of his fingers, for example, on your shoulder as he comforted you after a bad day. Like the way he smiled and told you everything was going to be okay. You believed him, because how could you not? This was your Jun, your best friend, and every word he said was a mantra in your brain.

It was such a wonderful feeling, but it stung at the same time, because you knew you were only falling deeper into something that could never happen. 

You couldn’t resent Jun for it. None of it was his fault. You could only blame yourself.

“Hey,” he greeted you at lunch the next week. “What’s up?”

“Well, I just had one hell of a chem class,” you replied, cheeks flushing at the earnest look he was giving you. “Kwon Soonyoung accidentally set the ends of Lily’s hair on fire. It was crazy.”

“Aren’t you supposed to have your hair tied up during labs?”

“You’re also not supposed to fool around holding a lit match.” You took your chopsticks out of your bag. “But it doesn’t end there. Hansol spilled an entire flask of hydrochloric acid on himself and had to go home.”

Seungkwan snorted. “Hansol would do that.”

Jun shot him a look and turned back to you. “Is he okay now?”

“He’s fine. It’ll probably burn for a bit, but he’s gotta shower and wash that stuff off.” You shrugged. “Tell me about your day.”

“It was alright. I feel like I haven’t seen you all morning, though,” he said. “It was weird.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Jun, we walked to school together this morning.”

“I know, I just missed you anyways,” he replied. You made the mistake of looking at him when he said those words, and your breath caught in your throat when you made eye contact, because holy shit was your heart beating faster than ever. 

The sensible thing to do would be to look away, but you couldn’t, because it was Wen Junhui, and how could you not look at the very person who made each moment feel like home?

He opened his mouth again and he looked like he was about to say something to you but Seoyun dropped by just then, inviting you to hang out on the weekend. You would have said it was a welcome distraction, to think about anything but him, but you kind of liked it when he was on your mind.

“I’ll be there,” you told Seoyun, heart doing backflips in your chest.

“Two o’clock, Y/N, don’t forget!”

“I won’t!”

“What are you two getting up to?” Seungkwan questioned while trying to pick up a misshapen sushi roll. 

You winced a little when the wrap started to fall apart entirely. “Just, you know, dress shopping.”

“Oh,” he drawled, and you didn’t miss the not so subtle look he threw your way. You knew exactly what that meant. “You got a prom date now?”

“Well, no,” you admitted, “but I’m not gonna hold off on buying a dress for that. I’ll probably end up going with some friends anyway.”

Jun raised an eyebrow. “Like… us?”

“I meant Ryu and Seoyun,” you clarified. “You’re all gonna end up with dates, so I’m not getting in the middle.”

You could see the slightest disappointment in his face when he processed what you said. “We’re not all gonna go together?”

“Junnie, you’re saying this like we aren’t gonna be with each other for the whole night. Besides, I don’t think Seungkwan is planning on letting you go with anybody else.”

Seungkwan nodded proudly in confirmation.

“Well,” Jun leaned forward in his seat, “I mean, what would you do if someone did ask you?”

The sudden question threw you off a little bit, and you had to take a sip of your water before you could answer.

“Depending on who it is, I’d probably say yes? Ryu and Seoyun already agreed that if any one of us happens to get a date, it’s fine, so... Yeah.” You shrugged. “Why?”

“Oh,” he coughed, shaking his head. “I was just wondering. You know, just in case.”

You gave him an odd look. “In case of what?”

“By the way,” Seungkwan cut in suddenly, “any of you know where exactly Jeonghan is or do I need to hunt him down again?”

You and Jun looked at each other and shrugged, coming up blank, but one of the boys from the volleyball team that had just passed by seemed to overhear you.

“Probably at the back corner of the soccer field smoking with his buddies. Or at home skipping class, but that first one’s more likely, honestly.”

“Thank you, Eunwoo.”

You turned back to your friends, shocked. “Smoking? Jeonghan? Are we even talking about the same person?”

“I’m not exactly surprised,” Jun muttered. “Considering who he’s been hanging out with lately.”

Seungkwan nodded. “Yeah, they can be real jerks sometimes. Now that I think about it, it’s no wonder Jeonghan always showed up with those scars everywhere.”

“Those were from them?!” 

It felt like every day you were learning new things you hadn’t seemed to notice before. How is it that you never saw your own friend suffering?

“I don’t see any other explanation. This is exactly why nobody can say no to Seungcheol and his posse.”

The three of you fell silent, looking at each other with uneasy expressions on your faces. 

“Unless any of you really want to go yell at Seungcheol,” Seungkwan added, “which… good luck with that.”

Maybe you should have intervened back then, but you didn’t know any better. You were used to Jeonghan not needing any of you to look after him; it was always him subtly caring for the rest of you, and it didn’t even occur to you that maybe he needed some checking in, too.

“Well,” you said after a few moments, “I’m gonna head to class now. You guys wanna come with?”

“Yeah!” Jun exclaimed, shooting to his feet. “Yeah, I’ll come. Give me just a second.”

Seungkwan sent you a sly look as he slung his bag over his shoulder. “I’ll let you be,” he said. “Get some alone time.”

“Seungkwan.”

“Maybe you could benefit from some one on one —”

“Boo Seungkwan!”

“Just saying, we are never done talking about this, Y/N,” he replied in a singsong voice before walking away. You rolled your eyes at his back. Typical Seungkwan behavior.

“Ready to go?”

You would never not have butterflies looking at Jun, and this time was certainly no exception. There was no escaping this feeling. He was your best friend for life.

“Yeah, c’mon.”

He smiled warmly at you before ducking through the doorway, and it made your heart skip a beat, even more so when he slung his arm around your shoulders and started telling you about his biology class. It was simultaneously one of the best and worst feelings you’ve felt in your entire life, and that just confused you even more.

It was official — you were so going to kill Seungkwan later.

Thwack!

That was the fourth time over the past few minutes you’d heard that sound against your window. At first, you were set on ignoring it and going back to sleep, but now you were fully awake and very annoyed at whatever was making that goddamn noise.

Thwack!

You swore under your breath, tossing your covers off and marching over to the window. Moving aside the curtain, you pulled it open, and —

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me right now.”

“Hello to you, too,” Jeonghan grinned, like the little demon he was. “Please let me in, it’s so cold out here.”

“What the hell are you doing?” you hissed. “How did you even climb up?”

“I’m good at a lot of things. Now will you let me in? I might fall off if you make me stay here any longer.”

You rolled your eyes at him, but let him climb through anyways, making sure he didn’t knock anything over and cause a ruckus. Mingyu was home from college on his break for the next week and had the room right next to you, and you didn’t want to be interrogated by your brother in the middle of the night.

“So,” you said, arms crossed, “are you going to tell me why you’re in my room at one in the morning?”

“Because you let me in?”

“Yoon Jeonghan.”

“Okay, fine,” he relented. “I really need your help.”

“It couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”

“Nope.”

You couldn’t at all understand why he was being so vague. “Alright. Shoot.”

Jeonghan watched you for a second then shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Go to prom with me.”

“Eh?” You raised your eyebrows. “Me? Why? Wait — ”

“As friends,” he said quickly, raising his hands. “Let me just clarify that first.”

“Okay, good to know,” you said, relieved. “Han, this really couldn’t have waited until tomorrow?”

“No! What if you already had a date tomorrow?”

“And why do you have to go with me of all people?”

“Because, well…” He trailed off and shrugged. “I mean, I don’t have plans, and you don’t have plans. Yet. Also, Taehyung is trying to set me up with someone and I really don’t want to go with her.”

This piqued your curiosity. “Really? Who?”

“Lee Hyojin.”

“Ohh,” you said, understanding why. “Yeah, you two haven’t gotten along since middle school. Bad idea.”

“Yep.” He rubbed his hands together and pulled them further into the sleeves of his jacket. “So, what do you say?”

“Didn’t you bet Seungkwan that it’d be Jun taking me to prom instead?”

He thought about this for a moment, then said, “Yeah, but he’ll lose too, so I’ll get my five dollars anyway. It doesn’t matter.”

You were still slightly reeling from how random it all was, but… it was Jeonghan, after all, and he was right that neither of you had plans, so why not?

“You know what? Alright,” you gave in. “I’ll go with you.”

“Really?”

“Yes, you big idiot,” you rolled your eyes again. “Can we talk about this later? I’d like to go back to sleep before we have to be at school tomorrow.”

Jeonghan sat cross-legged on your floor and looked up at you with a fake pout. “Aw, you’re kicking me out already?”

“Please leave before Mingyu comes in wanting to investigate.”

“Oh, come on —”

“Out!”

The two of you shared a laugh as he climbed out of your window, and you made sure he didn’t hit his head on something going back down. Once he was safely in your yard, you clambered back onto your bed, exhausted and ready to doze off.

Maybe if you weren’t sleepily staring at your ceiling, you would have noticed your phone light up on the desk just a few feet away.

junnie <3: hey idk if ur awake rn butjunnie <3: can we talk for a moment?

“Y/N, can you hurry the fuck up?”

“I’ve been in here for ten minutes, calm down!” you yell back from in front of the mirror, frantically trying to brush through your tangled hair.

You had, in a moment of weakness, hit the snooze button on your alarm this morning, and then woke up an entire hour later to Mingyu slamming his bedroom door shut. In hindsight, a terrible idea, but you blamed Jeonghan’s midnight visit for how tired you had been.

When you finally opened the bathroom door again, Mingyu was standing right there with your bag in one hand and your phone in the other.

“Here’s your stuff. I’m assuming you already ate, but if not I made breakfast. It’s on the kitchen table.”

“Why are you being so helpful?” you asked suspiciously as you took your stuff from him.

“Can’t I just be nice to my little sister for once?”

You sent him a look. 

“Okay, fine,” he sighed. “You got me. I’m just trying to get you to leave a little faster.”

“There you go.” You gave a small smile when Mingyu ruffled your hair and stepped into the bathroom, door locking behind him. He annoyed you immensely at times, but he was your brother after all. He couldn’t not care for you, and vice versa.

Heading out, you scrolled through your phone to catch up on any notifications you missed. There were a few texts from the group chat with Ryu and Seoyun confirming weekend plans, and others from various classmates and friends asking about homework.

cha eunwoo from calc: hey y/n sorry to bother u but what are all the trig identities again

eunjoo: is mr. kyung crazy a 5 page paper due in two days ??????

kwan: girl send bio hw answers PLS i’m literally begging

junnie: deleted a message

junnie <3: deleted a message

Huh? 

You squinted at your screen. There were no texts from Jun after that, and those were sent at nearly one in the morning. Based on when you fell asleep, probably after Jeonghan had left your room.

That was weird. You’d have to ask him what it was about later — later being a few minutes, considering the daily ritual you had of walking to school together.

Sure, some of you could drive now, and it would be a lot easier, but… somehow, this had just stuck over time.

As predicted, you saw the boys approaching in the distance just several moments later. You waved to them, effectively getting Seungkwan’s attention:

“Y/N, I can’t believe you didn’t answer my texts! I was really struggling!”

“Sorry!” you called back. “If it helps, I didn’t reply to Eunwoo either!”

“I’m your best friend, you can’t compare me with Cha Eunwoo!”

Jeonghan merely snorted and Jun let out a laugh, the one that was loud and high pitched and impossibly contagious. You could never get tired of hearing him laugh.

“I don’t even know how he has that much energy in the morning,” he said when they reached you. “I barely got any sleep last night, so I’m dead exhausted.”

“You must be if you texted me at one o’clock,” you teased lightly, bumping his shoulder. “What did you want to talk about? I saw this morning that you deleted it.”

“Oh,” he said, blinking. “It was nothing. It’s fine.”

You frowned at the uncertain expression on his face. “Are you sure?”

“Uh huh.”

“Jun, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

“I know,” he agreed gently, carding a hand through his still damp hair, “but it’s alright. It wasn’t that important, anyways.”

It still somewhat bothered you that he suddenly didn’t want to tell you what he’d sent, but you let it be for the moment. If he said it was fine, then it was fine. You weren’t going to push him.

“Looks like none of us slept very well aside from Seungkwan,” Jeonghan remarked, fiddling with one of his earrings. “I feel like all the energy has been sucked out of my soul, too.”

You raised your eyebrows. “That’s on you for sneaking into my room when you should have been asleep.”

Seungkwan gasped. “He did what?”

“Relax,” Jeonghan snorted. “I wasn’t committing a crime or anything.”

“Trespassing is a crime!”

“Well, they let me in, so I think I’m clear of any charges.”

Seungkwan just looked between the two of you, completely baffled. 

“You two are insane,” he shook his head. “Nothing has changed since we were kids.”

“Thanks.”

Jun spoke up then, his smooth, honey-like voice in your ear. “I think you skipped the most important part,” he said, frowning. “Why was he in your house in the middle of the night?”

“Don’t worry, it wasn’t that big of a deal,” you patted his shoulder to calm him down a little bit, “basically, we —”

“Y/N’s my prom date!”

You heard Jun choke on absolutely nothing, coughing violently behind you, and Seungkwan nearly tripped over his own feet. Luckily, you managed to yank him back in time before he fell into the pavement face first.

“Whoa,” Seungkwan said,  balancing himself again. “Sorry, I was expecting literally anything else but that”

“You look really surprised,” you observed with a laugh. “We’re just going as friends, guys. It’s chill.”

He immediately turned to Jeonghan. “You had to sneak into their room in the dead of night to ask them to prom as friends?”

Jeonghan winced. “Okay, when you put it that way…”

“See?”

“Guys, it’s fine,” you repeated. “I didn’t have a date, anyways, so I guess this worked out for the best.”

Seungkwan nodded finally. “Well, I didn’t see that coming, but good for you two! When I finally convince Jun to go with his best buddy, Jeonghan is gonna owe me ten bucks, so I’m just waiting on that.”

The two boys started bickering again and you realized Jun had gone completely silent behind you. He walked with the group quietly, staring at the ground and occasionally kicking along the loose rocks in the sidewalk.

You fell back a little, matching his pace. “Are you okay?”

“Huh?” His head snapped up and he looked at you, hair falling haphazardly over his forehead. “Yeah, I’m alright.”

“Okay,” you smiled softly. “You’ve been pretty quiet today. Usually you’re up there arguing with those two about something or the other. Or me.”

The corners of his mouth lifted ever so slightly, but it was a little sad, just a little wistful. You missed it entirely, glancing off to the side instead of the momentary crestfallen look on his face.

“Well, you know I didn’t sleep that well,” he answered, “so… that’s probably what it is.”

You simply nodded, taking him for his word. Pushing him wouldn’t get you anywhere, and the last thing you wanted was to make him feel uncomfortable.

Jun never brought it up either. Regardless of how urgent it may have seemed to be the night he texted you, the subject was never heard of again.

Everything else seemed to be going great. College acceptances began to roll in. Your course load started letting up, finally, with the impending arrival of graduation. And — you couldn’t discount the small victories in life — you’d managed to find the perfect prom dress while out shopping with Ryu and Seoyun.

You loved how you looked. The sudden rush of confidence had never been better — you felt so pretty in the soft yellow fabric, thin straps resting snugly against your shoulders. It was simple, but more than enough, and you absolutely adored it.

On the contrary, Jeonghan seemed to have a few qualms about it.

“Yellow?” he asked when you told him the next day. “Like bright yellow?”

“Not super bright, but just… it’s yellow, Han, I don’t know how else to explain this. Is there a problem?”

“Nope,” he grinned, tugging on his ear cuff, “but a yellow tie might mess with my look. You know I have a certain image to uphold.” 

You sent him an exasperated glare.

“I’m just kidding!”

“Yoon Jeonghan, be serious, I’m literally begging right now.”

The days leading up to your prom passed quickly and without much occasion. In fact, all of the chaos was only happening inside your head. You couldn’t deny that you desperately wanted to know who Jun was going with, but you didn’t want to bother him about it and be weird. The two of you didn’t speak much either, only a few words here and there and all of your texts left unread.

After all, you were only his best friend. What was the use of spending so much time wondering who he was taking to prom when you knew it was never going to be you? It was absolutely pointless to keep wondering and imagining. You were starting to think Seungkwan was right about you being delusional.

And yet, you just couldn’t let go.

“Oh, Yoon Jeonghan, you never disappoint.”

“Anything for the lady,” he said graciously, but his eye roll gave it away. (He could only pretend to be annoyed with you, and you knew that.) “If Taehyung questions this at all, I’m going home and dyeing this tie black immediately.”

“You will do no such thing!”

“Yeah? Try me.”

Jun only laughed from his spot behind Jeonghan, the one that lit up his entire face, the one you loved, and you would have been able to enjoy it a little better if not for the brown-haired girl hanging off his arm who was desperately talking his ear off.

You grabbed Seungkwan’s sleeve and pulled him a little closer to you. “Do you know who that is?”

“I honestly don’t know,” he admitted after a few seconds. “Literally never seen her around school, but it doesn’t matter because now I owe Jeonghan five bucks either way.”

“Your fault for making a dumb bet,” you shot back.

“What? Who’s betting?” You gasped, not expecting Jun to butt into the conversation, and nearly tripped over your own dress. “Why do you look so terrified?”

“Stop sneaking up on me like that,” you grumbled, smoothing down your hair as he steadied you with one hand. “I’m going to have a heart attack if you three keep this up.”

“You’re going to be fine.”

“Shut up, Seungkwan.”

Banter was not uncommon between you, but the back and forth was suddenly awkward in the presence of a newcomer in your group. It didn’t look like Ryu and Seoyun knew her either, since neither had spoken to the girl at all, so you were truly wondering where Jun knew her from.

Another thing he never told you. You didn’t know how to feel about that, because there were no secrets between you and him. Jun would tell you anything and everything, so this was oddly new.

“Oh. Guys, this is Heejin —”

“Heather,” she interrupted with a loud laugh, fingers twisting the hem of her purple dress. “I don’t go by my legal name anymore.”

“She’s from New York,” Jun continued, a little disgruntled. “A family friend of mine. She happened to be here for vacation, so I brought her here.”

Everyone went around introducing themselves and saying their hellos, but you couldn’t help but dislike her even more the longer she spent with you. You were starting to feel the way you did in middle school again, burning indignantly under Yeona’s arrogant smile.

Jeonghan didn’t seem to notice, too preoccupied with having a good time. And that was fine — great, because you weren’t ready for a confrontation with him, and you were sure he was going to interrogate you if he ever doubted your feelings for Jun. 

“Hey,” Seungkwan found you at the edge of the dance floor, looking a little concerned. “Feeling okay?”

“Yeah? Why?”

“I think you forget how well I know you sometimes,” he sighed, straightening out his tie. “Do you really think I don’t know what’s going on in your head right now?”

“I’d rather you didn’t. It’s pretty embarrassing.”

“It isn’t,” he insisted sincerely. “But clearly it’s just putting you in a worse mood. I was all the way over there, and one look at your face told me something was up.”

“Maybe you’re just paranoid,” you tried deflecting.

“No,” Seungkwan said, smiling gently, “I’m your best friend.”

You let him walk you to the small balcony, claiming you would be fine after a little bit of fresh air, and he didn’t question or push you any further after that, leaving you to yourself quietly. The wind stung your bare arms, but you found that you didn’t mind it all that much. After all, you’d experienced a more searing kind of pain lately while grappling with your feelings for a certain someone. In the face of that, this was basically nothing.

“Y/N?” Speak of the devil. “What are you doing out here?”

You brought your arms around yourself a little tighter as Jun approached you, leaning against the railing. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked in turn. “Shouldn’t you be dancing with Heather and keeping her company?”

“Maybe I should,” Jun shrugged. His hair was all tousled now because of the wind, but he still looked handsome as ever. “But she seems like she’ll be fine on her own. It’s you that I was looking for.”

It was gradually getting colder, and you shifted closer to him in search of some body heat. Jun had always been the epitome of warmth, radiating it like the sun itself, and so you felt infinitely better standing by his side in the night breeze.

Neither of you spoke for a while, and it could have been nice, but you knew that the silence was heavy. So many unanswered questions about the future that you hadn’t addressed were laying there, on top of the slight tension the two of you had experienced over the past week. 

What came next? None of you had brought up college yet, and even though the deadline to make a choice wasn’t quite over, you knew all of your friends had to have an idea of where they were going. And what would become of you then? Your precious group, all those memories you’ve collected for years… 

Jun let out a deep sigh from beside you. “I just want to make it clear,” he started softly, “that I haven’t been avoiding you. Or Seungkwan, or Jeonghan. Not on purpose. And I know I haven’t texted any of you guys back in forever, but —”

“Junnie, it’s okay —”

“It’s not okay,” he said, more forcefully. “You guys didn’t do anything, but I’ve been making you second guess it for like, a week now. I feel terrible about it.”

You placed a hand on his arm to try and comfort him. “That’s not true, Jun.”

“You don’t have to tell me these things for me to know, Y/N. I’ve been your friend for years,” he answered, and you knew he was right. 

“Jun, it’s okay,” you repeated. “You don’t have to explain yourself. We don’t blame you for anything.”

He only lowered his head, eyes shut, like he was absorbing your words, juggling them around in his mind. Every second that passed in silence made your heart beat faster. Had you said something wrong again?

“Lots of things were going on. It was just hard,” he admitted. You hated seeing him like this, anxious and troubled. You rarely saw this side of him, anyway — he was always very good at concealing his negative thoughts, but at times like this he felt comfortable enough to open up to you. “Just — my brother was sick, and then school stuff, and then, you…”

You held your breath, waiting for him to finish that sentence. There were a thousand possible things he could have said, for a thousand different reasons, but you wanted to hear the one in his mind at the moment. 

“I?”

You would replay this moment for the rest of your life. For years from now, you would be recreating the way Jun looked at you for those few seconds. Not quite fondly, but more like he was in awe as his eyes were trained on you. Like he was left speechless, like you were something unreal. You weren’t sure what the look in his eyes meant, and you wouldn’t know until he said something, anything.

“... Never mind.”

Crash, went your heart, shattering into infinite pieces on the balcony floor, the frozen moment cracked, just like that. You could say nothing, couldn’t give yourself away, so you only plastered a small smile on your face, hoping he’d understand. (He wouldn’t. How could he?)

All you could do was watch him as he went on with his apology, all shiny eyed and simply gorgeous under the dim lighting, trying to ignore how you felt like you could barely breathe anymore.

“... I’m so sorry.” Jun paused when he was done to look up at you again, and he seemed startled at your expression. “Y/N? Are you okay?”

You hadn’t realized you had tears welling up in your eyes, but you could feel them threatening to spill now. Silently you willed them not to fall, blinking quickly to get rid of them.

“Yeah,” you managed. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Do you need me to do anything for you?”

“Go inside,” you told him, maybe a little harsher than he deserved. He didn’t know, after all. He had no idea. 

“Y/N —” 

“I just wanna be alone for a while,” your voice came out in a shaky whisper. You hated how vulnerable you felt and sounded, and as much as you hoped Jun wouldn’t pick up on it, you knew he would. 

And you knew Jun. You were well aware that he was the kind of person who wouldn’t believe you whenever you said you were fine, because he saw right through your lie every time. He was a rather persistent kind of friend, trying time and again in small ways to do anything, everything, for you.

But he just nodded now, head lowered, and slowly walked away from your trembling figure. You couldn’t know why — maybe he sensed you truly wanted some space, or maybe he was just sick and tired of you not knowing what you wanted or how to deal with yourself. You would be, if you were him.

It was only after the door slid shut behind him and his footsteps faded away into the liveliness of the night that you let your tears freely fall.

You hadn’t contacted Seungkwan in a while. To be exact, it had been nearly a day since you last interacted with him. Some would call you dramatic, but you didn’t care. 

To you, it felt like an eternity. You couldn’t call him now — he was probably busy — but you were looking at an old picture in your camera roll, a shot taken of the four of you sitting side by side on one of the benches at your high school. It made you feel nostalgic, a little bittersweet, and you wished you knew about his plan to go to college abroad a little earlier. You would have felt like you had more time with him.

A loud knock at your bedroom door startled you suddenly, and you dropped your phone on the floor with a yelp.

“Y/N!”

“Yeah?”

Jun pushed the door open slowly as you checked your phone screen for any cracks. “Are you ready to go yet? Our stuff’s all loaded, we’re just waiting on you.”

Oh, right. You stared around at your room, your belongings all packed in cardboard boxes that were now stacked on top of each other in the trunk of your parents’ car, leaving your walls and shelves nearly bare.

Seungkwan might be halfway across the world right now, but your friends were all attending the same university not too far from where you lived, and you were moving in today, leaving behind the street and homes you’d known for most of your lives.

You didn’t feel ready, and maybe you never would be, but you knew that you couldn’t possibly delay this moment any longer.

“Jeonghan’s driving, by the way,” Jun told you as you followed him down your staircase. He waved hello to your parents as they were tidying up in the living room, and you couldn’t help the way your chest tightened at the small gesture. “I didn’t have much of a choice. He got my keys and was in my car before I was even out of the house.”

“Jeonghan? Really?” 

“I’m dead serious,” he said, opening your front door. “Look.”

There he was, Yoon Jeonghan in all his glory, leaning back in the driver’s seat with his feet propped up on the dashboard. As far as you could recall, he had not driven once since first getting his license (on the fourth attempt), so you weren’t sure if you were going to survive this hour-long car ride.

“Don’t you want shotgun?” you asked as you approached the car. Jun had already headed for the backseat but stopped short at your question.

“Nah,” he shook his head. His hair looked so fluffy, and it made him seem more adorable than usual. “It’s better if you sit in the front with your motion sickness. Don’t want you throwing up on move-in day, do we?”

You hadn’t expected him to remember that. In fact, you didn’t really remember mentioning it to him, so the fact that he knew had you a little bit stumped. (And slightly flustered, if you were going to be completely honest.)

“Oh, you’re here,” Jeonghan greeted you with a devious smile when you were buckled in, lowering his sunglasses dramatically. “I’ve been waiting for like, thirty minutes. What took you so long?”

“Feet off my dash, please,” Jun reminded him from the backseat. With a groan, Jeonghan returned to a normal sitting position, finally starting the car.

“You’re no fun,” he grumbled, making you and Jun chuckle, and pulled out of your driveway. “Have our parents left yet?”

“I think they’re gonna get going in a few minutes.”

“Great. We’ve got a head start.” Jeonghan winked at the rearview mirror, and Jun made a gagging noise from the back. Their antics made you laugh, as always — some things would never change, and your dynamic seemed to be part of that category.

After a harrowing seventy-six minutes, several close calls on the highway, and a lot of swearing from Jeonghan, you finally pulled into the parking lot in front of the university residence halls. Jun had somehow fallen asleep amidst all the chaos, so you shook him awake gently.

“Hey,” you whispered, brushing his hair off his forehead. “We’re here. You gotta get up and unpack.”

“Hmm?” Oh, the sight of him looking up at you with sleepy eyes and half messed up hair made you feel a certain way, had you in a death grip. 

“Let’s go, or Jeonghan is going to lock you inside your own car. You know he can and will do it.”

Jun nodded his agreement and followed you further into the campus. Your parents wouldn’t be here for quite a while, Jeonghan was telling you, so you decided to scope out where your dorms were for the time being.

You were conveniently located on the ground floor, but Jun was on the fourth floor in the same hall that had no elevators, and Jeonghan was in the next hall over. The three of you decided to camp out in your room, so you unlocked the door and propped it open, letting them file in.

“Your roommate’s not here yet,” Jeonghan observed, taking in the blank walls. “So I guess you get first pick, then.”

“For what? Both sides are identical.”

“I don’t know, don’t you want to establish a power dynamic early on?”

“No?” You sent him a funny look. “You’re a menace through and through, Yoon Jeonghan.”

“Thanks. I’ve been practicing.”

While you were busy thinking of something to say in response to that, you heard someone walk in through the door you left open. Maybe it was your roommate, you turned around expectantly, but you froze at the sight of a tall, handsome man in your room. He looked rather frazzled, you noticed, as if he’d just been running through the hall.

“Hey, have any of you seen another dude ‘round here, around this tall and carrying a blue leather notebook with a Cinnamoroll sticker on it?” he asked, the words rushed out of his mouth.

All three of you just stared at him blankly.

“Is he your roommate?”

“That was oddly specific.”

“You like Cinnamoroll?”

Immediately, you pinched Jeonghan’s side for the last comment and smiled warmly at the newcomer as your friend let out a pained yelp. 

“Sorry, we haven’t seen your guy,” you told him apologetically. “Was the notebook important?”

“Well, kind of. It’s my recipe book that I’ve been keeping for a while,” the mystery man explained, sighing. 

“Oh,” you said at this information. “Do you want us to help you find it?”

“Eh, it’s alright. He just likes messing around with me every now and then, he’ll return it soon,” he shrugged, smiling sheepishly. “I’m Mingyu, by the way.”

You went around doing your introductions, and by the time you had him sitting on the floor in a circle with the rest of your friends, you found that you liked Mingyu very much. What was not to like? He was good-looking, smart, and funny — not to mention he was an exceptional cook as well. The last time you were in a kitchen with your friends, they’d managed to burn the ramen and set off your fire alarm. This was a welcome change, and a distraction from Jun that you were very grateful for.

“Wonwoo’s finally done pulling my leg,” Mingyu said after a while, reading his texts with a chuckle. “I guess I’ll get going now. I’ve still got some stuff to put away.”

You walked Mingyu out into the hallway while your friends looked on, one in amusement, and one in an unexplained bitterness he couldn’t quite place.

“It was nice meeting you,” you said, fiddling with the hem of your T-shirt. “You should come around more often. I can tell Jun and Jeonghan really liked getting to know you. Maybe you can bring your roommate over, too.”

“I hope you don’t mind if I take you up on that offer,” Mingyu replied, flashing you a charming smile so wide you caught a glimpse of his sharp canines. “Can I get your number? I-I mean, to contact you, you know… just that —”

You chuckled softly at how nervous he seemed to be and readily swapped phones so you could exchange your numbers. 

Mingyu handed yours back with a contented grin.“See you around, Y/N.”

“See you.” 

When he was finally gone, you spun around to face your friends, waiting for them to say something. Jeonghan was staring at you with his jaw dropped, and Jun had his arms crossed with an expression that reminded you of a grumpy cat.

“Man, how are you pulling within thirty minutes of pulling up to your dorm?”

“Shut up, Han.” You settled back down in your seat and looked straight at Jun. Unflinchingly, he gazed right back at you. His brows were furrowed and he seemed slightly put off, but you still thought he was one of the most beautiful people you’d ever laid your eyes on. 

You cleared your throat with a cough. “Why do you look so upset, Junnie?”

“I’m not upset, I’m just worried for you,” he defended, a small pout on his face. “You don’t know anything about Mingyu! He could just be a really shitty guy who works out for the clout and pretends to be a good cook so he can get phone numbers from pretty girls like you!”

Everything that was in your brain automatically wiped itself when you heard the last part of his sentence, but you quickly hid how flustered you were behind a pointed smirk.

“You think I’m pretty?”

Jun rolled his eyes and flicked your forehead. “That’s not the point, dummy.”

“Ow, what the fuck?”

Jeonghan always had a good time watching the two of you bicker, but now, leaning against the wall, he wondered exactly how long the two of you were going to dance around each other and do nothing about it. Months? Years? When were you both going to just wake up? 

Honestly, he was starting to second guess what he thought he knew about both of your feelings.

“Okay, I’m gonna head out for a moment,” he announced when the two of you quieted down a little. “Mom just texted, said they’re gonna be here soon. I’ll just let them know where we are.”

You and Jun nodded, in sync, at the well-told lie. Jeonghan made sure to slip away quietly, leaving you to quarrel in peace and saving himself from the awkwardness of being an unverified third wheel until your parents really did show up.

Before he left the room, he looked back for a quick second. He saw clearly the way you looked at Jun, understood perfectly what was in your heart even though you had never told him. He only hoped he was right that Jun felt the same.

To your utter and complete dismay, it didn’t take all that long for your seemingly perfect group to fall apart.

You rarely saw Jeonghan after the first few weeks, if at all. Every time you scanned a crowd or street for that familiar black jacket and silver earring, you were left disappointed, and every time you called it was left unanswered. It was like he chose to vanish from your day to day life, and you didn’t know why.

It was a little better with Jun: you still saw each other when you could, and texted often, but it was still hard. After your first semester was over, it was more difficult to align your schedules. He was an engineering major, and you were in graphic design — you didn’t have any classes together as time went by, and most of the things you did outside of class to further your careers were entirely different as well.

The very first time you visited home after moving in, it was three of you in Jun’s beat up car. The second time you went back, it was only you and Jun.

By the time your second year rolled around, it was just you on the short train ride to the station closest to your street.

You wanted to tell Seungkwan every time he called and you talked for hours, confide in him about your worries. Look, you wanted to say, look what’s become of us. You’re in Boston, Jeonghan basically disappeared, and I barely ever see Jun even though we’re both on campus all the time. 

But you couldn’t. Seungkwan always sounded so happy, so cheerful, that whenever you heard that telltale ‘what about you?’, it was impossible to actually tell the truth.

So you didn’t.

The one thing that seemed to be going well for you was your relationship with Mingyu. You met him several more times after move-in that day, and when you found out you shared quite a lot of courses with him, an animation major, falling into an easy friendship with him just felt like the right thing to do.

You’d befriended his roommate in the process, too — Wonwoo was secretly unhinged and wore a quiet facade, and he quickly became very good friends with Jun, who seemed to enjoy the former’s company a lot. They were both in engineering, after all, so you figured they would have found each other someday if not through you and Mingyu.

Things were alright. But they could be a little better, you thought whenever you scrolled through old pictures on your phone, or stared a little too long at the photo of the group you always kept in your wallet.

“Aw, that’s cute.”

You snapped your head up so fast you thought you might break your neck. “Mingyu!”

“Hi,” he laughed at your surprised reaction, sliding into the empty seat in front of you. “Where’s that picture from?”

“Oh, this?” You smoothed a finger over the top of the Polaroid fondly. “It’s from our first day of high school. I’ve got one from graduation in my phone, too,” you flipped it to show him, “so it all goes full circle, kinda.”

“Can I see?”

Gingerly, he took your phone and the Polaroid as you handed it to him, and examined it intently. You watched as he smiled softly at the sight of your adolescent selves, happy and free of the troubles of growing up.

“Who’s that?”

“Who?” You scooted closer so you could see. “Oh, Seungkwan,” you chuckled. “He’s gone abroad for college, living it up in Boston now.”

“You miss him, don’t you?”

You hugged your knees to your chest and tried to ignore the hollow feeling in your chest. “Yeah,” you admitted. “He’s one of my best friends, and we still keep in touch and stuff, but…”

“It’s not the same?”

“Exactly.”

“Man, Jeonghan looks like a whole different person with short hair,” he remarked, moving on to the picture on your phone. You were grateful for the diversion, and you happily poked fun at Jeonghan’s drastic change in style with your new friend while he pulled up old photos of him and Wonwoo to show you in exchange.

It was nice, to talk about the old times. You missed the simplicity of high school, and how close you all were — it was always just a two-minute walk over to Jeonghan’s front door. Now it was thirty-two missed calls, and no response.

“Hey, my design class is in ten minutes, so as much as I loved bonding over embarrassing high school memories, I do have to go,” Mingyu said after nearly an hour of reminiscing over your childhoods. “You don’t have anything else tonight, right? Should we meet in the dining hall at nine?”

“Nine should be good,” you agreed, checking your phone. “I’ll see you at dinner, Gyu.”

“Bye!”

You sighed when he left, finally focused enough to get back into the groove of doing all the work you’d been procrastinating on all day. Unwisely, you had chosen to take a three hour nap in the middle of the day, which meant all your work was getting pushed to tonight.

You opened up a file and were just about to type the first word when your phone started buzzing.

“So much for productivity,” you grumbled to yourself, flipping it over, and your breath caught in your throat when you checked the caller ID. It was always you texting, calling, to try and coordinate plans. How long had it been since he contacted you first? 

“Jun?”

“Hi,” came his breathless voice. “Um, are you at your dorm right now?”

You raised an eyebrow. “Jun, have you been running?”

“No,” he said, but you always knew when he was lying and the inflection in his voice didn’t help his case at all. “I’m, uh, I just got out of class and I don’t really have much else to do tonight, and — do you want to eat together?”

“Huh?” You almost dropped your phone. “Aren’t you busy?”

“Y/N, I wouldn’t be asking if I was.” He paused, and all you could hear was the wind on his end of the line. “I just… wanted to see you. I know it’s been a while since we’ve properly spent time together.”

You weren’t sure how to feel. On one hand, you were slightly hurt that he hadn’t reached out to you earlier, couldn’t make time for you just once — but he was doing it now, and that had to count for something, didn’t it?

Then again, this was Jun. You always had it in you to forgive him, because no matter how upset you were, you couldn’t help the fact that you loved him, plain as day. 

“Alright,” you said finally. “Text me where and when, okay?”

“You got it.”

With that, you ended the call, and shot Mingyu a quick sorry, something came up text. He wouldn’t read it until after he was out of his class, but you stared at it long after it went through, trying to process all of your messy feelings about Jun. 

How had it come this far? Why had you let it get this bad in the first place?

Fifteen minutes passed until you realized you had gotten no work done and were still lost in your thoughts about your best friend. With a frustrated groan, you hid your face in your hands, frustrated to the verge of pulling all of your hair out.

So much for productivity.

You hadn’t realized a person could change so much over the course of a month or two. Sure, it’d been a while since you’d seen Jun, really seen him, but you weren’t expecting for it to hit you this hard.

For one, he’d dyed his hair so that now there were brown streaks in it, and you couldn’t deny that it was an extremely good look on him. Not only that, he seemed more serious, more mature, like he’d finally grown into himself and was confident about who he was.

“You keep eyeing your phone,” he remarked now over a plate of cold noodles. “Did you ditch a date to be here or something?”

You winced, tucking your phone further under your bag. Close. “Not exactly, but I did have to reschedule with Mingyu, so...”

“Mingyu?” A weird expression came across Jun’s face, one you couldn’t comprehend. “Huh. I didn’t know you were into guys like him.”

“What? Jun, I’m not attracted to him or anything, if that’s what you’ve been thinking for the two years he’s been our friend,” you dismissed the idea. How could it be true, when you only had eyes for Jun?

And you’d tried, really. You tried so hard, but Mingyu had always remained a friend, and Jun had remained in your heart, rooted to the ground so deep you could never cut him away and replace him with somebody else.

“Well, I don’t know,” Jun shrugged, eyes trained on his food. “He’s tall, good-looking, smart, makes amazing kimchi jjigae…”

“We’re just friends, Junnie,” you said softly. “That’s all Mingyu’s ever been to me. So don’t worry, okay?”

“I’m not worrying, I’m just saying that he’s a nice guy.” You had no idea where all this was coming from, but it sort of stung for some reason. “And you deserve that, you know. A good person.”

All too soon, you felt your cheeks heat up, and suddenly you were looking everywhere but right in front of you. 

“I — thanks,” you said, “but really, Jun, you don’t have to concern yourself about this. At all. Like, I haven’t dated anyone, and I don’t think I will anytime soon, so…”

“Why not?”

You froze at this, not really knowing how to respond. How were you supposed to react? There were multiple things you could say but none of them were appropriate for the relationship you currently had with Jun.

I’ve been in love with you since we were in eighth grade. You’re the only one who’s always on my mind. I don’t want to go on a date if it’s not with you.

“Never got around to it,” you ended up saying nonchalantly. If your act was good enough, Jun would probably buy it. “What about you?” 

You regretted the question as soon as it left your mouth, and you internally berated yourself for blurting it out the moment it popped into your head. Jun, however, took the question and ran with it.

“Me?” he chuckled softly, setting his chopsticks down and looking back at you. He was silent for so long you’d started to think you’d touched on something he didn’t particularly want to share, but then you met his gaze again and it took you back.

All of a sudden, it was the night of senior prom again, you out on the balcony and Jun standing beside you with the wind in your hair and a multitude of words on the tip of his tongue that you wouldn’t get to hear.

“Never got around to it.”

Again, you masked your disappointment behind a mildly amused smile.

“Foul,” you said with a shake of your head. “Can’t believe my best friend of almost ten years is keeping secrets from me.”

“I’m telling you the truth!” Jun exclaimed, laughing at your expression. “Seriously, Y/N! If I ever get a girlfriend, I’m telling you first. Okay? I promise.”

You weren’t sure how you would react if you ever did hear that news, but for now you just nodded and let the conversation move on to a less personal topic. Jun deserved love too, the pure, sweet kind, and you didn’t know if you could give him that. Maybe what you felt for him wasn’t enough.

“I’m glad we did this,” Jun told you once you finished your meal and were walking out of the dining hall together. It was a lovely evening, cool and breezy, and with his fluffy hair and gentle smile you could almost convince yourself that he was yours, for the moment. “We should do it more often, Y/N. I missed hanging out with you.”

It was like he could read your mind. “I missed you, too.”

You watched him walk away after you hugged him and promised to meet soon with an odd, heavy feeling in your chest, like it was tightly squeezing against your heart and you couldn’t breathe anymore. Jun walked away with your heart in his hands once again, and you could only hope that he would handle it carefully, after all these years —

“Shit, where did I put it,” you muttered as you scrambled to find your ringing phone. Finally locating it in your bag, you pulled it out and had to stare at your screen for a few seconds to figure out whether or not you were hallucinating.

At last, you decided to pick up. “Hello?”

“Hi, is this Y/N?”

That was most definitely not Jeonghan’s voice, you realized, frowning. “Yes? Where is Jeonghan?”

“Um,” the man on the other line paused for a moment, “he’s right here, but I think he’s had a little too much alcohol already and he probably shouldn’t stay any longer. You were the first number in his emergency contact list, so I thought I’d call.”

“Okay,” you let out a relieved sigh you didn’t know you had in you. “Okay. What’s your name?”

“Jihoon.”

“Alright, Jihoon, just… send me your location and hold on to him for a bit, okay? I’ll be there as quickly as I can.”

“Sure thing.”

The notification arrived as soon as you hung up on Jihoon. On the verge of panicking, you entered the address into your GPS and set off in the direction of your destination before you realized you hadn’t brought your car to campus and stopped right in your tracks.

It was only fifteen minutes away by foot. Technically, you could walk… but you didn’t know if you really wanted to head through the residential part of town alone this late at night.

Do I really have to do this right now? 

You debated on it for a while, and then pulled out your phone again.

you: hey

junnie: hii

you: i know its a bit late but can u do me a quick favor pls

junnie: sure whats up!

you: u have ur car right? can u come with me to pick jeonghan up?

junnie: yes i’ll be there asap

junnie: wait what????

you: i’ll explain later i promise

junnie: where are u

you: still by the dining hall!

junnie: ok on my way

It was getting colder the longer you waited outside, and you were on the brink of deciding to go wait in the lounge when that familiar black car pulled up in front of the parking lot. You didn’t need a text to come through to know it was Jun, and you all but ran to the passenger side. 

“So,” he started, eyes on the road as he drove, “what’s going on?”

“Um…” You stared at your hands clasped together in your lap. “I got a call from Jeonghan. Well, it was his friend, but he’s incredibly drunk right now and…”

“Oh.” Jun glanced at the time out of the corner of his eye. “Already? It’s just a quarter past ten.”

“That’s Jeonghan for you, I guess,” you snorted, shivering slightly as your bare skin tingled from the chill. Jun let his eyes shift to you briefly, taking in your frigid state.

“Are you cold?”

“Kinda,” you said, “but it’s fine.”

Jun shook his head, taking a hand off the wheel. “I brought a spare hoodie,” he informed you, gesturing towards the backseat. “Should be over there, if you can reach it, or I can pull over for a second.”

“No, keep driving.” You easily grabbed the hoodie lying on the backseat, and you recognized it as one of his favorites, the beige one with a koi fish pattern on the front. Your stomach felt like it was flipped upside down, and you didn’t know how to comprehend it, so you just pulled it over your shirt in silence.

Every time you thought you were done, Jun would do something like this. He would care for you, show you how much you meant to him, and then you were done for all over again. It was a vicious cycle.

“This is the place, right?”

You shifted your gaze away from him and to the GPS open on your phone. “Yeah,” you said, unbuckling your seatbelt. “I’ll just go in and grab him. Be right back.”

“Wait, I’ll come with you!”

“It’s fine —”

Jun leaned back in his seat and frowned at you. “They’re likely all drunk out of their minds, Y/N. I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“I’m nearly twenty, I can handle it,” you assured him. You would never actually admit that the real reason you wanted to go alone was that he made your head spin so intensely, you just needed a few moments to breathe. 

“Are you sure?”

“Junnie, I’ll be okay,” you smiled. “I’ll be back with Jeonghan, okay?”

He rolled his eyes, almost comically, and folded his arms over his chest — you had forgotten how dramatic he could be at times, and you chuckled silently at the sight of this side of him again. 

“Alright,” he mumbled. “Text me if you need me, okay?”

You promised him you would with a firm nod and headed towards the house. You could hear the loud music even from where you were and inwardly sighed as you knocked on the door.

No response. You knocked again, much harsher this time, and then it finally opened to a very confused-looking guy with bright blue hair.

“Almost didn’t hear ya,” he remarked, eyeing your attire suspiciously. “Y’need something, or?”

“Um,” you didn’t know how to navigate this situation. “I’m here to pick someone up… Do you know where I can find Jihoon?”

The guy perked up almost instantly at the supposedly familiar name. “Jihoon? ‘Course. C’mon, follow me,” he said, propping the door open wider so that you could step inside.

The first thing that hit you was the overwhelming bass in your ear, and the second was the strong smell of alcohol and sweat that you had never experienced before. You wrinkled your nose as you tried not to lose the blue-haired guy in front of you.

“I’m Yeonjun, by the way,” he told you, and you couldn’t really tell whether he was drunk or not. You could barely even hear him over the music. 

“Cool,” you managed to respond. “I’m Y/N.”

“Well, Y/N, there’s your guy,” Yeonjun stopped walking and nodded over to a more secluded corner. You immediately spotted Jeonghan, sitting on a stool with his head in his hands and accompanied by a much more sober-looking person. “Not sure whatcha need him for, but good luck.”

“What do you mean?”

“See ya!” he called over his shoulder, and he was gone before you could question him further. But you didn’t really care, not when Jeonghan was right there just a few feet away from you.

The man beside him raised his head as you approached them, eyes narrowing before his expression relaxed in recognition. “Y/N?”

“That would be me,” you sighed. “Jihoon, right?”

“In the flesh.”

You glanced down at your friend, still silent and hunched over. “Uh, is he doing alright?”

“He can barely walk, but otherwise he’ll be okay. I got him to drink some water, if that helps.”

“Yes. Amazing, thank you,” you told Jihoon, gently shaking Jeonghan’s shoulders. He just groaned and shifted his head to the side, shoulder-length black hair falling into his face. It would be a silly sight if the context was any different.

“How are you so wasted at ten o’clock on a Wednesday,” you muttered, trying to get him to open his eyes. “Han, we gotta go, okay? I’ll help you get to the car, but you have to work with me here.”

“Nooo,” he groaned again, almost faceplanting onto the granite counter. “Don’t wanna go.”

You pursed your lips. “Yoon Jeonghan, if you cooperate with me right now I swear on my life I will buy you any Lego set you want. With my own savings. Please.”

That seemed to get his attention — you were very aware of Jihoon watching you with amusement the whole time — and he blinked slowly as he sat up on the stool.

“Eh… Junnie?”

That damn sweatshirt. “It’s me, Han, Y/N.”

“Oh!” He laughed then, loudly, and his breath smelled strongly of the alcohol he’d been drinking. “Y/N’s buying me Legos.”

“They are, but only if you make this easy for them,” you said under your breath, helping him stand and looping his arm around your shoulder. “Thanks for keeping an eye on him, Jihoon.”

“No problem,” he replied, still watching the both of you. “You want help bringing him out to the car?”

“Actually, yes,” you admitted, struggling to support both yourself and Jeonghan’s weight. “That would be great.”

After a lot of struggling and many, many swears from Jihoon, you finally managed to get Jeonghan to the car, propping open the door so you could get him into the backseat. Jun was already out of his seat by the time you left the house, and he buckled Jeonghan’s seatbelt carefully so you could catch a break.

“Is he alright?” he asked you quietly once Jihoon had gone back inside.

“He’ll be fine. Do you know where he lives?”

“Not on campus, probably, but I could probably get in touch with his roommate. Hold on.”

You sat beside Jeonghan as Jun typed away furiously on his phone, keeping an eye on your drunk friend as you burrowed yourself further into Jun’s hoodie, if that was even still possible. It was cold out, and the dread you felt creeping up on you wasn’t helping at all.

“Bingo!” Jun turned around in his seat and held his phone out to you. “Got an address. Just a few minutes away.”

You squinted at the screen, skipping the texts and reading the contact name instead. “Joshua Hong?”

“Roommate,” Jun explained, starting the car again. “Do you wanna come sit up front? Your motion sickness is generally way worse when you’re in the backseat.”

He knew you so well, and you hated how it made you fall just a little bit more in love with him each time.

“It’s fine,” you said, those other thoughts dying on your tongue. “It’s not that long of a drive, anyway, and someone’s gotta keep an eye on this one.”

“Okay, but move up after we drop him off, alright?”

The short drive to the apartment was pretty silent, save for Jeonghan’s occasional drunk babbling — you had no idea what he was saying, but you figured once he got some water into his system, as well as some sleep, he would be good as new.

It wasn’t long before Jun was parked in front of a four-story building and the two of you were supporting your friend up one flight of stairs. You hadn’t realized exactly how unstable Jeonghan was until now; he could barely walk up the stairs without nearly tripping over nothing at all.

“Finally,” Jun remarked, pushing open the door to the second floor with a grunt. “Can’t believe the elevator was broken. We have great timing.”

You just nodded along as Jun counted the apartment numbers down the hallway. 

“207, 209, 211… Here! 213.” 

It didn’t take more than one knock for the door to swing open to a tall, blond-haired, very concerned looking man.

“Oh, come in — here,” he said, propping the door open and helping you bring Jeonghan to the couch. “I did tell him to stay home tonight, but he never does listen, does he?”

“That’s Jeonghan for you,” Jun replied, the look on his face a strange mixture of fondness and pain. “He had some water, so I think he should be fine after some sleep.”

“His hangover’s gonna be so bad,” his roommate chuckled, turning to face you both with a gentle smile. “I’m Joshua, from the biological sciences department. You guys must be Junhui and Y/N, right?”

The two of them spoke for a few minutes, and you let them bond while you sat on the couch beside Jeonghan’s sleeping figure. Carefully, you brushed a few strands of stray hair away from his face and mourned the loss of time you could have spent with him, like you did when you were children.

You couldn’t believe how distant he had become over the past two years, like you and Jun were strangers. Radio silence, and then a call from Jihoon to come pick him up. And that was it? Could you ever really go back?

Mid-conversation, you caught Jun’s steady gaze. Do you want to leave? his eyes said.

You looked back at him with all the love in the world that he would never notice. Yes.

The drive back was mostly silent — not the awkward kind, but the easy quiet that you had always had with him. It was always during moments like these when you thought that you and Jun would be good together, in another universe where things were a little different. The two of you had just clicked in a way you never really did with anyone else. The idea that it would likely never be anything more than that made your heart ache, sitting there on the passenger side of your best friend’s car.

Jun pulled up to your dorm sooner than you would have liked. A few more minutes, you had thought, but even that wouldn’t have been quite enough.

“Get some sleep,” he said gently as you stepped onto the sidewalk. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You knew as well as he did that that was a lie disguised as a trite platitude. You weren’t going to see him tomorrow, or the day after. Maybe in a few weeks, if you were lucky, or a month. 

“See you,” you told him anyway. “And thank you for driving me, Jun.”

“Always, Y/N,” he smiled. “Anytime.”

That was a lie, too, even though you knew he wouldn’t ever intend it as such. Over the past year, you had gotten used to Jun’s earnest promises that usually turned up empty. When you did see him, he was always so caring that you could almost forget how you felt in his absence. Things felt like they were just a few years ago, but in reality you anticipated that they would never be the same again.

Your roommate was asleep when you gently shut your door, kicking off your sneakers and shuffling over to your desk, still cluttered from an earlier study session in the morning. While putting some pens away, your gaze fell to the framed photo on your desk, the sunlight in the picture pushing some warmth into your heart.

You looked at it for a while. Those had been good times. Some of the best, even. As children, you had all dreamed of what college would be like, how much better things would be as adults, but this was the one thing you could not have anticipated.

No, it was no good reminiscing now. It was already nearly two in the morning. You sighed and turned the frame over, setting it face down on your desk. It was time for bed.

soo here it is! currently i have no plans to continue this in the near future, but we will see! feel free to come discuss it with me if you like :D

-vedya

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter forty six

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters // read on AO3

january 22, 2019 madrid, spain orion

The flight to Madrid feels like it takes forever. I’m excited to go back, and based on how much Calum is checking his email, he must have a lot of things planned for us. I wish he didn’t, because I doubt I’ll be able to do more than a few things each day. I’m just too tired. 

My doctors connected me with a hospital and a doctor in the city just in case I need to see one. They’ve got my records and everything and, while I can speak Spanish, Calum can’t, so we made sure to choose a facility with translators and bilingual staff. I doubt we will need to, since the past few months have been fairly uneventful. I just feel like shit, but nothing is changing.

We both have had to wear face masks from the moment we left for the airport, which feels silly, but Dr. Gupta said that if I’m in any kind of high traffic area, it’s vital that I do my best to protect myself. Although, it is a bit helpful for camouflaging Calum. With half his face covered and a hat on his head, you can barely tell him apart from another man of his height with brown hair. 

Ilse and Giuseppe are flying in to Madrijd later on in the week to see us, and I’m so excited to get to see them, along with the other girls. I’m sad that we won’t get to do a lot of the things that we used to. We can’t go out anywhere to do pretty much anything. I’m really grateful to be here, but I don’t feel like Calum will be able to do anything here that we wouldn’t do at home. 

Since we won’t be taking the metro, in an effort to keep me away from germs and sickness, Calum is renting a car here, so we’ll be able to drive around to everything. For his birthday, we’ll be driving to Valencia for a night so we can see the beach here.

When we land, Calum makes me pose under the “Bienvenidos a Madrid” sign, and I hope I don’t look as tired as I am in the photo. I’m trying not to act like it, but I really just want to go to sleep. We came all this way, and all I really want to do is hole up in our hotel room. 

“Want to stop somewhere for some tapas and a glass of tinto?” Calum asks when we get our bags into the rental car and take our seats.

I look over at him. He has excitement written all over his face. His brown eyes are gold and sparkling, his smile endearing, and I can’t say no. “Sure, sounds good.”

I do my best to smile. I want him to enjoy this trip. It’s for his birthday, after all. I can’t ruin it by being too tired to do anything, so I swallow the feeling of wanting to go straight to the hotel and try to take in Madrid as we enter the city. In my heart, it feels so good to be back. 

We get to a small bar in La Latina that has a patio and Calum can’t stop smiling while we sit at the small metal table. He reads over the menu, even though he undoubtedly already knows what we’ll order and can barely understand the rest of what he sees. 

“So, I was thinking,” he starts, reaching across the table to grab my hand. “Oh, wow, your hand is freezing!” 

He holds both of them now, rubbing them to try to warm them up. I smile at his sweetness, but raise my eyebrows for him to continue. 

“We get some food, head to the hotel and take a nap, and then we can go to a convenience store to get some wine and stuff and then we can head to Retiro to watch the sunset?”

I nod. “Yeah, sounds perfect.” 

He has me order for us when the waiter comes since my Spanish is far better than his. They bring us our drinks and food quickly, and Calum is taking on my role as obsessive photographer and says he needs photos of everything. He even makes me ask the server to take a picture of the two of us, something he has never done before in his life. 

With Calum watching on, I do my best to sip from my jarra of tinto and eat a few of the fried potatoes he ordered for me. It’s obvious that I can’t stomach much, though, and it makes me feel bad. I feel bad physically, obviously, but I’m already worried about how this whole trip will go. I’m not going to be a fun partner. 

“Lucia and Paula said they’re up for breakfast tomorrow,” Calum says, breaking my staring contest with my patatas bravas when I look up at him instantly.

I smile. “Cool, that will be great, Cal.” 

He smiles back and nods before he pulls out his phone and types something in. When it’s face down on the table again, he looks straight back at me. “I know you may not be able to do much while we’re here. I know you’ve been really tired and sick for a while, so please just tell me if you ever need a break or anything, okay? Don’t over exert yourself. We’re here to do whatever you want to do.”

For some reason, that makes my heart drop.

“We’re here for your birthday, Cal,” I say. My tone is quiet. He just said what I should want to hear, but I don’t feel any better after he’s said it. 

I want him to look back on this trip fondly. This is one of our last things we’ll ever do together possibly. After everything I’ve put him through, can I ruin this, too? 

“I’ll have other birthdays,” he says.

My stomach lurches. I could throw up.

He realizes what he’s said, and I practically watch his mouth dry and the gears in his brain whir. I know he has no idea what to say, and I don’t expect him to. He’s not wrong. He will have other birthdays. He will have almost an entire lifetime of birthdays after this.

Without me. 

I sigh, clear my throat, and refrain from crying. 

“I know.”

next part

a/n: hi !!!!!!! lil baby update. ty for your patience as I've taken a break from BLU! check out the other two shorter fics I've written in the meantime if you'd like! they're both very different from BLU and each other but are only 10 parts each and ofc about cal. check my masterlist here if you need some new material :)

[white-void-oddities]

Log 13 - Ridge Creek Elementary and Middle

After our small break Goh and I stumbled upon an old elementary/middle school, it seemed out of place somewhere like this but I thought it might be a good place to gather supplies later on so we decided to explore a bit.

As soon as we entered we saw a large black creature motionless on the ground, it looked like someone or something had been slowly devouring it over time, to the point where it took me a while to figure out this used to be a living thing. Several of these were scattered around the building.

This place had very clearly been abandoned many years ago, it was basically falling apart at the seems. Doors were broken, walls were cracked, there were holes in the ceiling, a ceiling panel even fell off and squished Goh. Though I’m not fully certain this was withering due to the passage of time or intentional destruction. As on the few doors that were still intact were barricaded using desks and chairs.

Along our way we found an old camera, in one of the classrooms. It belonged to one Ethan Huang, I was unable to transfer the videos on there to my phone so I had to record them while I watched them. The videos will be attached here, I apologize for the background audio, Goh wasn’t able to sit still and watch the videos with me so it chose to just rustle around the classroom we were in.

{Video start}

{Video #1}

*It begins with a child (presumably Ethan) straightening the camera, he sits back and he’s in a dark classroom sitting at a desk, he looks to be no older than 12. Other children can be seen behind him setting boxes of food down on a few other desks. Ethan begins to speak,

“Um… So today in class while we were waiting for Ms. Johnson to get here. We noticed that the um… that the window…”

*He turns the camera to the window looking out at nothing, just a sea of black.*

“That the window looked weird. So we tried to go outside to check but the door was locked. And the windows were locked too. We tried to uh… look for someone to ask what was going on but we couldn’t find anyone. So we’re stuck in here.”

*He pans the camera back to his face.*

“We took all of the food from the cafeteria. At least the stuff that doesn’t need to be refrigerated, we’re still working on bringing that in here. You can see Ryan and Emily hauling a box back there.”

*He points behind him at two other kids carrying a box of chip bags, One of them looks over and waves at the camera, causing him to drop the box*

“Um… And our plan so far is to just, wait, either until we find a way out, someone rescues us, or we all eventually die of thirst and or hunger. I’m gonna be recording these daily to kinda document what’s happening in case we either make it out of here or don’t. Um… that’s it, bye.”

{Video #2}

*The video begins with the camera pointing at the wall and shaking violently, growling and banging noises can be heard behind it. The one holding it fumbles around with it for a while before accidentally dropping i. The new angle on the floor shows Ethan and many other kids blocking a door while something bangs on it from the other side attempting to enter. Ethan leans down to try and pick it up but the kid next to him yells at him.*

“ETHAN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?”

“Um… picking up my camera.”

“FOCUS ON THE DOOR!”

*Ethan leans back against the door, pushing it with everyone else to make sure it stays closed. Ethan begins to talk to the camera while it’s still on the ground*

“Um… so today Katie was acting a bit weird, and not just like, her normal weird. She was in a really bad mood, and was growling a lot, she was really violent, she even bit Ryan. Uh, usually people would get like, detention for stuff like this but we can’t really do that do we decided to lock her out of the room for a bit, kind of a make shift jail. Um…”

*The thing in the other side of the door bangs on it a lot harder than usual causing Ethan to slip a bit.*

“Shit. Um… a while later we heard banging on the door. Um… Zoe went to go check and she immediately slammed and blocked the door when she saw what was out there. She said she saw a large black blob creature thing, it had no legs, really long slender arms, two big red eyes and a mouth full of razor sharp teeth. Either that thing is Katie or that thing ate her, all I know is that we can’t let it get in here or we’re dead. Um… we’re gonna send someone out to scavenge tomorrow, see if there’s anything left to find that may help us, with my luck it’ll probably be me. Um… see ya’.”

*He tries to turn of the camera with his foot for a minute or so before the video finally ends*

{Video 3}

*This time the video is being taken outside of the classroom. The creature seems to have left some time after the last video was taken. Ethan begins whispering.*

“Ok, so, ummmm… I got chosen for scavenging, drew the short straw, literally. Ummmmm,”

*He turns on a flashlight and begins to walk forward.*

”I’m hoping to find like, a weapon of some sorts, there were rumors that the principal kept a gun in his office so I’m gonna try to… find my way there.”

*He goes into a classroom and grabs a can of thumbtacks from the teacher’s desk and shoves it in his pocket before continuing on this journey.*

“Ryan’s been acting weird ever since the bite, we’re not sure if he’s like, sick or if he’s, um… if he’s turn g into what Katie turned into. We’re waiting to see if he starts growling or biting or something before we throw him out, I mean, only if he does start doing that. Hopefully he doesn’t, he’s my favorite.”

*He reaches the principal’s office and opens the door. He heads over to the desk and immediately starts digging through it for the gun he’s heard about. After a few minutes he finds it and holds it up to the camera.*

“Holy shit.”

*He shoves the pistol in his pocket and gets up to walk out, but as soon as he gets out he’s attacked by the creature. He screams and falls over, dropping the camera in the process, it’s now filming him from the side. He slowly crawls back and reaches for the gun. He points it at the head of the creature and tries to pull the trigger, it’s visibly very difficult for him to the point where he has to use both of his pointer fingers, but he does it. The creature flops on the floor in front of him. He doesn’t stop to make sure it’s dead instead he just gets up grabs the camera and runs.*

”Uh… that’s it, bye.”

{Video 4}

*The camera is back in its usual spot, Ethan looks on the verge of tears*

“So um… We had to throw out Ryan today.”

*He starts actually crying, he wipes the tears from his eyes.*

“He started getting aggressive and we couldn’t let one of those creature things get in here. Um… also, Emily Drake and Ben were arguing about who should use the gun if we need to again, and um… Emily accidentally shot Ben. After that she just walked out on her own. I’m pretty sure Ben didn’t die on impact but he’s definitely dead now. Were uh, we’re holding a funeral for them all today. Um…”

*A loud bang is heard in the background.*

“Shit.”

*he quickly reaches over to the camera*

“That’s it bye!”

{Video 5}

*This time Ethan looks disappointed.*

“They lost, the fucking gun. The most important thing we have, they fucking lost it. They took it on an expedition and it fell out of Drake’s pocket when they were running from a creature.”

*He leans back in his chair and sighs*

“We’re dead we’re so fucking dead. We have food for like a few more days at most and we lost what was basically our only form of protection. I give us another week at most because if we go out there to find it we’re getting killed.”

*He leans back towards the camera.*

“That’s it I’m done.”

{Video 6}

*Ethan is holding the door shut while filming, there’s much more banging than usual.*

“I thee them out in their sleep, they were dead weight, survival of the fittest. Look at me look at the fact I’m still living, Emily, Ryan Katie they all died out there, but I stayed living, I survived, hell I killed one of the creatures! They were just holding me down eating my food and water losing my gun! I’ll be better off alone.

After this stops I’m finishing this, I’m finding that gun and I’m killing them all, after that I’m kicking that door until it breaks off the hinges. I’m getting out of here even if I have to die trying.”

{photo}

*It’s a photo of Ethan’s arm flat on the floor with the gun on the floor right next to him.*

{Video end}

After this we did search the rest of the building, when we got to the cafeteria we saw one of the shadow creatures, it seemed to be eating another one. When it looked at us I was able to make out that this one was Ethan, he still had some recognizable facial features. I’m not sure if this means he succeeded in his quest or failed. He immediately charge at us when he saw us. I tried to shoot it but it was much denser than the ones Ethan encountered because it wasn’t even stunned. I was able to shoot out an eye before we escaped though, for some reason it didn’t follow us out of the school.

{Log end}

[tobiasdrake]

Now that we have our new party member, it's time for another story time with Teaks.

This is the big one.

Okay what the fuck is this and why did my Captain's Quarters get wasted on it.

I would have been more than happy to let Hortence have the Captain's Quarters since she's been here the longest and has the most claim to this ship, crime notwithstanding.

I could deal with the fictional Captain Cliche having the Captain's Quarters despite Serai not even bothering to use that guise while she's here, thus resulting in an empty bedchamber.

But why does the new blood get it? I don't care if you're basically God, you fucking work your way up the ladder like the rest of us! >_< I'm so furious right now.

And yet you gave him the Captain's Quarters.

I mean. Okay, in fairness, Teaks did that. I don't know why she has the authority to do that, though.

No. I want to throttle you with my bare hands.

However, much like Garl, it is impossible for me to physically be angry with you for any length of time. So I just have all of this aggression and nowhere to put it. I just... I JUST FUCKING....

._. Will you please make me a sandwich I can drown my fury in, thank you very much.

Yes, the usual.

*sigh* Okay, Teaks. Now I want to hear a story. It's finally time to find out exactly who the Archivist/TIA and the Fleshmancer are.

Huh. I figured TIA was some kind of ungodly horror beneath those robes, but apparently he's just zombie-faced. Mm, I feel bad about telling him to go take a shower now. It would not help.

You guys should sit down and chat with Roro. She owns it. Has a whole undead style of her own.

Hold up, he's jealous of our ephemerality? He hates us 'cause we die? That's it? It's not, like, he hates us 'cause we're pretty or he longs to taste good food and not have to dress in rags or something? He's just pissy because he wants to be able to die too?

My dude, you don't have to unleash apocalyptic horrors upon mankind in order to fulfill that desire. If all you want is to be ephemeral, come hang out with me and Zale and we'll work on that. I'd be more than happy to experiment.

Ohhh, I get it. He doesn't have a heart anymore 'cause he used it for his experiments.

He's Disney evil.

You know, I thought you were going to tell me that Resh'an was responsible for Solstice magic but apparently it's just. Like. A thing that happened to also exist, and that trumps the Fleshmancer's stuff... because?

I may have to reassess my comprehension of the Fleshmancer and TIA. The Archivist's opening explanation of the lore made me think these guys were, like... primeval forces of good and evil or something, wreaking vast influence across some enormous multiverse.

Like. I figured they had terrestrial origins in some world somewhere. They had the vibe of ancient wizards who came from meager origins and ascended into godhood. In that regard, I suppose I had them pegged right.

But that seemed like a "Long time ago in a universe far, far away" type of origin, where they've been these ancient supreme beings of good and evil ever since. But Teaks is making this sound a lot more local.

They're just two more guys who accidentallied themselves into a horrifying curse. TIA has nothing to do with the source of Solstice magic. He doesn't even know what it is, really; Just that whatever we are, it sure does kick the shit out of whatever Aephorul's become.

He didn't create us; He found us and went "HOLY FUCK That's powerful! Let's use it!"

I've been shittalking him out of irreverence but. Like. Now, I think that we might be higher on the Hierarchy of WTF than TIA and the Fleshmancer are. Even if TIA is still, admittedly, higher on the Hierarchy of Knowing What The Fuck You're On About.

So if he founded the Solstice Warriors, does that mean TIA is the Great Eagle? Is he the guy I need to beat the shit out of for the unsettling horror of Mooncradle?

Because I can't do it until he tells us how to get onto Mesa Island. But I do want my Captain's Quarters back....

Or a longer window of Whenever We Goddamn Want if you have this fancy amulet. Which was just sitting abandoned in an ice block for how many decades/centuries?

Hey Resh'an? I don't want to tell you how to be the Immortal Alchemist but if you were that concerned with Solstice Warriors defeating Dwellers and you knew where this thing was all along, uh... what the hell, man?

When exactly did we lose track of this thing? Because absolutely none of the ancient Solstice lore I learned from Moraine suggests that it even exists somewhere to be found. We've been using these fancy time runes for day/night manipulation on a small scale while biding our time to strike at Dwellers on eclipse nights. Meanwhile our founder has had coordinates for Pocket Eclipse in his back pocket this whole time. I'm kind of angry about that.

Yeah, that's part of what had me thinking this was some kind of multiversal conflict. Obviously World Eaters must have, like... eaten some worlds in order to be a known thing, right? I assume we know about them from Resh'an; If he was our founder then our lore would be passed down from him. Though he didn't see fit to tell us about Pocket Eclipse so who knows?

Or maybe he did, and Moraine just didn't bother to tell me because I was kind of a shitty student.

Or maybe Moraine did tell me and I just wasn't paying attention. I was kind of a shitty student.

Hm.

In any case, to be known as World Eaters, one imagines they've eaten some worlds. And that this isn't one that they've eaten yet. So these guys can't be a purely terrestrial phenomenon, right?

Oh, so it's both. They are a terrestrial phenomenon but Resh'an created a multiverse through a grandiose gesture of magic.

That's...

That's kind of promising? Like. Metaphysically, that could mean that if circumstances conspire in such a way that we kill Aephorul in any one timeline or reality, fucker will be dead in all timelines and realities because there's only one of him.

This isn't an independent multiverse that Aephorul's invading and attacking. It's a multiverse of attempts to resist Aephorul. We only have to win once. Statistics are on our side.

Even if there's only 1 in 1000 chance of someone defeating Aephorul, if you roll 10,000 dice....

That's why he let us into his library even though we are clearly not the Chosen Ones. It's what he was trying to figure out at the start. We're a dice toss. ^_^

But that's also why he's being so KEEP ME OUT OF IT with regard to Aephorul. Because the same logic applies to him. Aephorul only has to kill him once. In a cosmic sense, we're all expendable compared to him, because there's millions of other versions of us. He can always go back to the drawing board and try something else. Maybe a different version of us, or maybe someone else who might actually be the Chosen Ones. But if anything happens to him, that's game over.

This makes way more sense when Teaks explains it than when TIA tried to. Probably because she's giving me the full story while he's a cryptic bastard. Resh'an is stuck navigating causality to try and find a chain of events that will lead to success against the impossible.

If the dude's so pissy about not being ephemeral, you'd think the sameyness of those realities might bother him a little. Wouldn't you eventually get bored conquering the same world over and over and over again?

These two are playing very different video games.

And that's what Resh'an was on about when he was like, "You don't understand; If Aephorul finds out that I'm here, he'll return."

It's not because he's hiding out from Aephorul. It's because he's violating the terms of the agreement. Resh'an is cheating right now, in a way that would give Aephorul tacit permission to do the same if caught.

Teaks, from now on, can we make this a rule? Can people tell you the lore dumps and then you can explain them to me? You're so good at this.

So now I'm starting to get more of an understanding of what Guardian Gods are too. Like, we knew it was the evolution of Solstice Warriors into some kind of deity. But, specifically, it's our counterpart to World Eaters; Guardian Gods because the pair become a force of Solstice magic that Aephorul can't pierce, on account of our magic being higher on the Hierarchy of WTF.

Uh, probably when he wins, I would say. No sense in doing it while Aephorul's still out there, right?

I adore you, Teaks, but sometimes you ask dumb questions.