#while constantly battling that part of my brain that goes “no one caaaaaares”

[nekrosmos]

Gonna go anon for this (for the anon ask game thingy 👀), but you probably have a guess who I am haha. Just a heads-up there’s going to be a lot from me here onwards, so Im sorry for the long text!

Im incredibly grateful to have stumbled upon your art on my dash. The first piece I saw was your Ghoap fanart where Soap sitting on a table, back facing us, his head turned sideways, with Ghost in front of him (if my memory is right, sorry if not). Then eventually the nikprice community! For the longest time, I struggled to truly enjoy COD as a fandom (long story short, I was really active on codtwt, yuck, yeah I know haha and it really took a toll on me, there are multiple factors that also contributed and such which made it hard for me to draw certain ships and character since then, hell I even tried to jump to another fandom but nothing really worked) but seeing your tags, your enthusiasm, and the way you engage with the things you love reminded me that there are still genuine corners in this fandom.

I love your art, genuinely, it took me some time to get used to it because Im used to certain style (this doesn't mean I think your art is bad by the way sorry to come off that way) but there is something personal and endearing about it. The way you draw and share your process and thought process in the tags are so raw and real that I cannot help myself and look through your entire blog then, and the rest is history! Now I see your art I get so so excited (especially when it's a piece where you're really proud of it, it makes me happy too to see you like your own art).

I see you also struggle with self-esteem and just the world really in general which I can relate with. Im here to say that you are not alone and I am really thankful that you used your space to share us your art, your feelings, and just...yourself :)

Additionally, your tags made me realize how much I had been caught up in engagement-driven consumption, you know like just doom-scrolling and getting caught up with the algorithms like likes, shares, views and notes. I had become so used to consuming media at face value and the numbers that I forgot to truly see it, to slow down and appreciate the love and effort people put into their work. Or even my own work...which might sound weird but I have come to the realization that I do not give my own things the appreciation they needed (comparison is such a poisonous habit...)

Your tags made me realize that all these art and fics we're seeing are actual work and effort and love that people put in, and I've been trying to pry myself away from the fast-paced media consumption culture since then and it's been really healing. I’ve met so many wonderful people along the way, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that.

Keep doing what you do, Nekrosmos. Thank you for being a great friend as well.

This took me a while to answer because damn. Damn anon. I'm on my hands and knees, this ask really took me out. I don't even know what to say honestly, this is just incredibly kind ;-;

I totally understand you about struggling with the fandom at first, cod twitter sure is something, people in the fandom are very young too and the fact that it's a huge fandom doesn't help either. It's always a bit cozier on tumblr thankfully, and I'm very happy to hear that you felt comfortable here !! The NikPrice fandom is full of lovely and respectful people, we truly got lucky here <3 I've been in fandom spaces for over 15 years now but this might be the best fandom I've ever been a part of.

I loved your comments about the way I talk in the tags of my art, honestly sometimes I feel like I'm yapping into the void but it sure as hell won't stop me. I like to talk about my process or the idea around a piece, and I'm legit happy to hear that you read what I say. Tags are a comfortable place too, allows me to yap without feeling too annoying.

And yeah, self-esteem could be better, but it's a work in progress. Being any sort of creative mind on the internet can be really difficult, with all the comparing yourself to others, the numbers, the isolation of it all, it's definitely not easy to navigate. I'm really happy to hear that you've reconsidered the way you see fan content on the internet though !! It's not easy either, platforms like twitter especially really pushes that "constantly creating or being forgotten" vibe, which is bad for both artists and people enjoying fan content. But, there is never a bad time to start working on your bad habits, and I'm genuinely happy to hear that it made you see your own work under a new light !!

I truly cannot thank you enough for this, I'm not a very emotional person but you almost got me with this one, I just feel extremely grateful that someone would take the time to leave their thoughts like this, it's humbling and truly makes me feel appreciated. My silly little brain needs regular reminder that no, everyone doesn't hate me, so, I feel like I will come back to this message from time to time. Thank you, truly ♥